merlin told arthur his favorite color was the color of the sky during sunset when it shifted into a deep violet. arthur gets a tunic made in that exact shade. its the best thing merlin owns. arthur was hoping that would mean he’d wear it almost everyday but merlin almost never wears it. the only time he does wear it is when royals come to visit (which isn’t all that often). arthur “subtly” asks about it and merlin is like “it’s the best thing i own. i’m not gonna dirty it mucking out the stables or serving rowdy knights wine while they splatter food on it” and arthur is like “why not wear it when nobles come to visit? look at least a little presentable for them” (cough nice save). merlin doesn’t see the point in it bc nobles don’t care about him at best, view him as less than human at worst.
arthur really just wants to see his boyfriend servant in the tunic he had made for him (bonus points for sending a message that merlin is his. not that merlin seems to notice. man is too much of an idiot). merlin wants to preserve his favorite tunic and gift from his boyfriend king.
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Been thinking a lot about how lesbians have to pretend they never experience any adverse feelings to rejection in order to avoid the "predator" stereotype. When we get rejected by a straight woman or even just get hit with the reality that most women are straight, we're not allowed to be upset or angry or hurt about it.
I am not saying that lesbians should be allowed to verbally abuse a straight woman for saying no, but I don't feel like we're allowed to be angry at all. Even privately. Having those feelings at all makes us 'bad'.
The truth is that it very much so sucks to watch women you love choose men over you. It sucks to know that no matter how attractive and sweet and kind you are, most women will simply not be attracted to you in the slightest and there's nothing you can do about it. It sucks to know that men get to freely love women while you have to hide from bigots. It sucks to have strong, tender feelings for women that they simply do not return.
It's perfectly normal to feel deep sadness and anger over this. I'm talking bubbling violent anger that leaves you feeling like you're a descendant of the Greek goddess Lyssa. Wishing deeply that your feelings for women were returned doesn't make you a predator. Having extremely negative feelings towards the men that catch your crush's attention doesn't make you a bad person. That is all incredibly normal.
Straight men get rejected one too many times and commit mass shootings... You feeling private rage doesn't make you a bad person at all.
I just really hate that it seems like the only appropriate reaction lesbians are allowed to have to heartbreak is demure acceptance.
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