#or like a time traveler who got stuck in time and idk. freaked it.

[nero-neptune]

whenever i see pics of a young orson welles, he looks so out of place, like someone with his face isn't meant to be there. yknow how people say a modern actor has "ipad face" so it takes them out of a period piece? that's his face. he has a face that knows of tweets, indie rock, and tech start-ups. he has the face of someone who knows what a podcast is. no, not a radio show. let me be clear. i mean a podcast with a royalty-free jingle, sponsored by squarespace or nordvpn, and "you can support me on patreon"

[earthstellar]

crying over Rescue Bots, yes it’s the ghost ship episode, it’s fine

so I’m watching Rescue Bots again because I don’t feel good today lmao 

and the episode where they’re on the ghost ship and TEN WHOLE ASS YEARS GO BY WHILE THEY ARE STUCK ON THE SHIP came up in the playlist 

and even though it’s resolved in the end, it’s like, holy shit 

okay so for those who haven’t seen it: 

halfway through the episode Chief Burns shows up and sees his kids for the first time in TEN YEARS because tl;dr the kids got on the ghost ship to investigate but it vanished back into the fog and it time travelled them at accelerated speed but beyond the ship, time passes normally, so it’s been 10 YEARS from their dad’s point of view since they left, even though for them it has only been one hour 

and him and the Doc and Frankie are visibly older when they land on the ship’s deck 

so naturally Chief’s talking to his kids and probably trying not to fucking have a break down and he’s like okay everyone, let’s go 

and Cody’s like “no we think we figured it out, let us stay and try” 

and the Chief has less than one minute to make this call: do I bring my entire family home after ten years, or do I let them disappear maybe for another ten years based on a hunch they have 

and he lets them stay on the ghost ship because he trusts his kids that much 

ten years lost, maybe ten years more, and how old is he now? how old will he be in another ten years, if they happen to be wrong? what happens to the town if he ages out of rescue work (and so would Doc), which would leave only Frankie to protect the island? 

even the rescue bots themselves openly state that they feel like they’ve abandoned their posts because of their extended absence, even though it’s not their fault (I don’t remember who specifically said this but it was one of them and it makes it sadder lmao) 

but he lets them go after finally seeing them again for five minutes in total, after they have been missing in real time for ten years on this ghost ship 

and IDK the amount of trust Chief has in his kids and his ability to immediately trust them in this way despite what I am sure is an incredible amount of grief and stress over what has been ten fucking years for him is actually so intense 

like this is a show for babbies, so of course they can’t focus on how emotionally fucked this situation is for literally everyone, it would be Too Much for Babbies which is understandable 

but thinking about it for ten seconds is like oh shit!! oh shit, feelings 

I love this episode because the feels are real, both for the Captain of the ship (which is the whole setup, tl;dr stuck in time loop never got to marry girlfriend, it’s sad already) and for Chief Burns because holy shit his fucking entire family has been gone for ten years and he still trusts them enough to let them stay on board and try to solve shit even though he absolutely has to be emotionally trashed in that moment 

10/10 Rescue Bots is a great show, I don’t know why I don’t post about it more tbh the emotional whiplash is so intense lmao 

there’s also that time Optimus turned into a t-rex and freaked out but then in TFP concurrently this was somehow fine and it never came up again in canon or seemingly anywhere else, holy shit I forgot all about that until today LMAO

I love the Aligned Continuity, all of this shit is so good, I’m crying but also laughing 

mostly crying right now though because Chief Burns lost all his kids for TEN YEARS and he immediately let them go again because he loves them and trusts them THAT MUCH 

[mybreadsmybutters]

top 10 men?

LONG long list with extensive explanations under cut. you are forewarned.

1. aidan gallagher. continually charmed and enchanted by whatever is deeply wrong with him and the weird fucked up shit he has going on with his clinically insane dad. he wrote rpf about HIMSELF. who is doing it like him. who COULD do it like him. he needs to come out as gay immediately. at least bisexual. to improve his image. he even makes BAD terrible music. incredible guy all around. i watch his content the way people watch isis beheading videos.

2. my real life actual grandpap. he is so definitely in hell one of the worst people ever. his number one political philosophy was being a hater and fighting anyone who looked at him wrong. i miss him everyday. perhaps the most insane person i will ever meet in my entire life.

3. idk if you wanted real men but the rest of this list is probably gonna be fictional characters due to the fact that i know about ten people. anyways number three is my beloved best friend seasons 1-3 five hargreeves of the umbrella academy. WHAT a character. what if you were a cis guy who could time travel and definitely liked killing people but also were obsessive and crazy and also had a fucked up weird thing with the woman who dragged you out of the apocalypse after you spent 50 years alone and also your body wasn’t your own because your dna got swapped with that of the most prolific murderers of all time and also you were stuck in the body of a child that might’ve been You at some point and everyone is patronizing and doesn’t believe you AND you watch your family die over and over again across every timeline as you constantly fail the ones you love. what a guy. five hargreeves you will never be replicated. also homewrecked his brother with the woman whose parents he murdered like 4 timelines back and then immediately convinced everyone to kill themselves but he did that in season 4 so i dont Really count it but it was still awesome. he’s experiencing types of body dysphoria that i cannot ever fathom i projected onto this guy so hard as a little in denial 13 year old. also when i was 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 and 21 he just kind of lives in the back of my mind perpetually.

4. JOE GOLDBERG FROM HIT FRANCHISE YOU. oh man i love that fucking freak and his mommy issues and the fake woke feminist facade and nightmares in the suburbs and the Knight in Shining Armor carried out to its most horrific prolific potential UGH. i want to pin him on my wall and frame him in glass like a butterfly. he means everything to me. EVERYTHING. so many neurotic tendencies and problematic behaviors spawned from exposure to his character at a critical age. wow i love that guy forever.

5. stefan salvatore vampire diaries. first ever vampire with a binge eating disorder (kills people pathologically) THAT is intentionally narratively framed as an addiction. ALSO in some weird fucked up forced-fated-cursed love triangle forever when his soulmate is clearly just his brother. my number one favorite vampire forever. did i mention he has no sense of humor. oh MAN i love that guy.

6. FICTIONAL ANIME BOY LIGHT YAGAMI. I LOVE SERIAL KILLERS WITH AN ABSOLUTELY FUCKED MORAL COMPASS WHO HAVE A WEIRD THING WITH THE DETECTIVE INVESTIGATING THEM. also see the entire death note musical. where is the justice when the guilty all go free… what would it be if i saw the world like him like a synonym… he is ensouled in the same way JD heathers is

7. fictional anime boy kusuke saiki… man where do i even begin. he’s blonde. he’s a sadomasochist. started world war 3 in an alternate timeline. weird fucked up thing with his brother that is ambiguously sexual. holds a gun at one point. wears a labcoat. wears his hair in a PONYTAIL at one point. foundational to my adolescent sexual awakening. also the entirely fanonical dynamic he has with fellow anime boy makoto teruhashi is world changing to me.

8. mildly famous comedian gianmarco soresi who i am parasocial with. i hope to be as mentally weird about things and be an attention whore and obsessive weirdo when i am 35 too. also first ever visibly gay straight man i think which is just endlessly fascinating to watch.

9. CHARLIE DAY

10. perhaps my most controversial and vaguely revealing choice for this list but one i stand by… porn star and tik tok influencer noahwaybabes. voice of a generation. also i think he’s so stupid hot like in a way that pisses me off. also i find him vaguely annoying but i think that’s because he’s funny and hot which is a REALLY unfair combination. also because he just is annoying due to being a tik tok influencer. probably steals off twitter but i dont use twitter so i dont care.

HONORABLE MENTIONS!!!

youtuber pyrocynical who was not included in this list due to the fact that i hate him and he sucks.

jd heathers who JUST barely did not make it on. im sorry that annoying tik tok influencer who i jerk off to sometimes won out but when it comes down to brass tacks i thought including even more fictional characters would make me seem like a huger massiver loser than the other option

[productofaritual]

I wad reading about XD again [as one does] and I got this question that idk is you wrotte about it yet [im too tired Man im sorry i read -forget things in 3 seconds]

How does XD interact with his nacion? Is like Raden? Or more like Venti? I know that the reason for the visions are somehow who a nacion is shaped. Like Monstand with nothing going on bc they are free from everything. While Lyiue [idk how the fuck tl read/writte that place] is full of busy people with contrats going on always.

Fountine lore is going arround laws [justice] and Inazuma was stuck in place [and time a little] for a long tome [eternity]

So wtf is a place with fuckinh ROT [poison lmao] for a base.

Also not me leaving dendro out like a sad puppy in the rain. Lmao

What's your ISSUE with dendro man, they just some plants /j

Ok so my idea so far is he walks around as Dream right and he pretends he's visionless and doesn't interfere with his divine powers at all. So people just think he's chilling wherever gods go when they need a break and they have their own opinion on Dream (mostly negative let's be fr c!Dream is a dick, gdf!Dream is too). So he's just. Like a normal guy ig. Sort of like Venti? But he's also poisoning the people, not because he's a God, but because he's just a manipulative freak with control issues. I'd say he has a God complex but like yk, considering the fact he is a God...

Well a normal guy to everyone. Ecept George. George knows that XD is actually Dream, he just doesn't feel like it's important enough information to share and he sleeps 80% of the time anyway. I feel like that could be part of an Archon quest, talking to George and him just being like "oh yeah Dream's the archon" And Traveler and Paimon are like "WHAT"

[foxboyclit]

shows up a day late to OC asks with a pile of numbers

8 for Minnistra and Iphis

1 for Fae

16 for Howl and Fae

5 for Chen’astra and Ang’dra (i know they know each others moves. i know this.)

space you could dig up an ask game from 20 years ago and id always be happy to answer :p

8. What was your OC's most embarrassing moment? Does it still bother them or are they able to shrug it off?

apart from aforementioned drunk tattoos? well for Iphis i think he got a little too overstimulated during sex and in his flailing accidentally kicked her. he felt really bad about that, but they laugh at it now, and now Minisstra knows to tie him up

Minnie once threw the hissy fit of the century in the grand hall in front of everyone due to one of her old matron's "visits". nobody dares to bring it up

1. What kind of person is your OC in a crisis? Are they calm and collected? Do they panic? Or are they chronically the cause?

oh they panic. they cannot take a lot of pressure. eventually they get a little better at handling crises, but it's less being level headed and more keeping the anxiety from bubbling over into a panic attack. no time to freak out we gotta deal with The Thing. they're not chronically the cause but that's not to say they're hardly ever- at least a small part of their issues are due to their bad decisions, and the panicking sure doesn't help

16. How does your OC make money? Do they have a respectible profession or work a series of odd jobs? Are they a criminal? Or do they get creative in the pursuit of coin?

Howl's a cleric, yeah, but they're less of a preacher and more of a mortician, and they maintain local graveyards but that's more of a hobby. i can also see them working at an apothecary, so they probably do that some time after retiring, just to have something to do/ people to talk to

Fae's had their share of odd jobs from traveling around the surface, they tried adventuring for a bit before going Actually, Fuck that, im too squishy and pacifistic for this, so they stuck to the musician part of being a bard, as well as an escort on the side (idk how far into campaign 2 of cr you are, but theres an npc who preforms and then takes clients back to her room, so its something like that). when they find a place to settle down, they get a gig as a florist

5. Does your OC have a signature weapon and/or attack? How long did they train to master it?

Chen's a shitty little rogue, she pretty much exclusively uses daggers. backstabbing is her love language

Ang'dra doesnt bother with weapons for her. she's just wrestling the knife out of her hand and pinning her down

oc show and tell!

[bluebunnyears-08]

tails ideas and headcanons

Originally posted on my ao3, these are just simple ideas and headcanons about our fluffy fox boi <3.

If any of you want to use any of these ideas, knock yourself out!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Alright so these are the ideas I have rn:

Tails is reincarnated into a chao and tries to reunite with Sonic (who's still processing grief and unfortunately has no way of communicating with his old friend)

Tails is believed to be a kitsune by a bunch of cultists and is kidnapped and worshipped (probably crack idk)

Tails is still kidnapped by the Zhetti, however instead of just turning him into a robot they also wipe his memories as well (he still changes it he'd have free will, unfortunately he doesn't know they were taking his memories as well so...that happened)

Sonic dies, sacrificing himself for the world, and Tails refuses to move on like everyone else. Months after his death, a certain blue blur comes in spirit to bring his friend acceptance and peace.

Tails travels to the future and finds it in ruins and tries to figure out how to change it along with silver (yes this is a reference to umbrella academy)

Tails gets turned into a robot by Eggman but he isn't recognizable to his friends (he can't speak or move in his own will but he still tries to let them know he's there)

Tails gets into an accident (probably plane) that renders him mute, dead, and blind, and leaving some body parts unable to function, relying on his sense of touch and those around him

Tails makes a deal to a certain alien cat and dooms himself to damnation (yes it's that cookie-less Oreo fuck Kyubey!) and none of his friends know what's going on

Tails has repetitive nightmares about tails doll and gets very paranoid and jumpy (not letting people know what's going on because it's "just nightmares")

Tails finds out he's a kitsune, not in the best way, leaving him thinking of himself as a horrible beast dangerous to his friends ( staying away from them and things go downhill and shit) and tries to control his powers so he doesn't hurt anyone

Tails lives in a world where Robotnick kills Sonic and takes over mobius, when he goes to the place when sonic was murdered and buried by the rubble (for a reason idk yet), he accidently brings the blue blur back to life (back then he vowed in death to come back and stop Eggman or something idk, and yes this is inspired by corpse bride) also tails never met sonic so he's obviously going to freak out about this corpse coming out of its grave.

Tails gets tired to being treated like a child and being scolded for his inventions, and gets cat mask that'll turn him into a cat (Just watched a Whisker Away)

Tails gets kidnapped instead of Sonic in Sonic Forces and gets tortured within six months and turns into a feral paranoid boi (which is entirely from his unhinged 3rd person perspective)

Tails gets dragged into a spirit realm and must find his way home back to his physical body (which is now in a coma in the real world)

Tails is stuck in a time loop, but everytime he dies, a flower blooms on his body (yep we're going flower fell, while I'm not a fan of the shipping, I do find the concept very interesting)

I just recently thought of the idea that Tails is a borrower. Like borrowers exist in this universe, and they look like mobians but have rat or mouse like features in their ears, noses, and legs. Tails would probably be a wild borrower, living in the forest, mainly cause the other borrowers, who live in houses make fun of his two tails, and don't allow him to live with them (he'd still have two fluffy fox tails) then Sonic comes onto the island and his plane breaks down and tails fixes it in secret, but then he's like discovered by sonic and whatnot. {We need sonic borrower fanfiction!} This could also create a new reason to why his parents aren't in the picture they got...discovered and that left his on his own, leaving him a traumatized 8-year-old boi. <--- (In Progress!)

[thegeminisage]

it's officially zelda time! i forgot my amiibo yesterday so that's what i gotta do first

i think i need to do more fighting bc i have an ABUNDANCE of weapons and i can't take any out of these chests lol

NOOOOOO AND I JUST GOT SWORD OF THE HERO........................rip :(

AND the dusk claymore...no.......i don't even have room in my HOUSE for this many weapons

i just gotta travel back to my house to do the rest. h8 to leave when i just got here but this is ridiculous lol

sorry boulder breaker. move over for zelda's kickass tp sword

TWILIGHT TROUSERS!!! hell yeah

ok, back to where i was before i get tempted to do something else lol. one of these days i'm gonna build a cooler house...i saw some on youtube that blew my mind...i was blind to the potential because i was too busy focusing on limitations...which are still fucking stupid btw

aw, i found a note on a table about mr whats his name worrying about finley in the sludge. see now if i had explored this properly the first time...

in absolute hysterics trying to get this korok up a cliff without shelling out for a bike. i stuck him to a log and he rolled over and over and over. i wish i had taken a video

oh my god blood moon guy BACK IN THIS CAVE LOL i already rescued him from here once. pfffft

oh shit he just warned me tonight would be the blood moon...the worst fucking time right as i get into this complex cave system :/ ty for the heads up at least...

thank god, the flux heart went away when the MS ran out of power lol

lol this chef's diary in the wells. "i tried to eat something beyond our understanding" girl so true. i hope we actually get to meet her somehow

yoooo zonai ruins where vah ruta used to be..................miss you, girl

damn there's like a whole cavern down here. i wonder why they didn't put anything in it

OH there's a chest when you ascend...clever!!

holy shit the sidon straightwashing and sisterwife shenanigans continue lol. i found a little zora monument where he talks about seeing yona as his big sister, older and way more mature than him, until his "feelings became more difficult to quantify," and then his dad just informed him they were getting hitched. like. dude. are you ok??? HE LITERALLY MARRIED HIS SISTER, who is a stand-in for his mother!!!! like does he even LIKE girls?????

goddammit i lost my bike looking around in this fucking cave WHY DOES ITALWAYS DESPAWN...

aww here's another story of the first few years after mipha's death...geez, poor sidon

a little disappointed i missed all this when i was here before...and even these are only 2 tablets out of like. 10? i think? man.

and i have such fond memories of running around here in botw struggling so much and not knowing what the HELL i was doing or what was going on lol. sidon my first true guide outside of the plateau cheering me on the whole way! nostalgia.

NOOOOOO im reading another and man zelda begging forgiveness for mipha's death...wah

"she held that unthinkable disaster at bay for 100 years with nothing more than the sheer force of her will" THATS MY GIIIRRRRLLLL

wah sidon admired her inner strength.......

AWWW sidon has a new quest for me!! yay i love surprises

aw well it's just a treasure hunt. but still

dropped this fucking bike all the way from the top of the zoras domain fish statue and its still in one piece. hell yeah

omg one of these zoras is a crab freak...he's lucky i had enough with me, i use these things for cooking all the time

holy shit there's a CHASM uin this hidden cave...i saw it on the map and wondered why it wasn't there. it's so freaky how none of the water flows into it

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VAH RUTA HELM

hell YES

i havent even touched this part of the map in the depths yet...i am unfortunately compelled to go down the chasm :/ maybe it will be fine and i will find so much zonaite! idk, i really liked it at the beginning of the game when i was actually too underleveled to be there, but now it just all feels the same. very blegh

immediately i spot a mine, a lightroot, and like a bunch of those huge poes. i even found a few crystalized charges just lying around!!

brightbloom seeds on water are so pretty.........

anyway life hack use a lynel bow for 3x the light lol

god damn it there is ANOTHER mud octorok thingy voer there i do not want to i do not WANT to

jesus christ that was so fucking annoying. i HATE that one

YOOOOOO 100 crystalized charges...ok maybe worth it

i used to ignore these little stations with zonai parts...now i'm thrilled this one is stocked with bike material lol

DAMN WAIT OK.......my master sword is WAY more powerful down here!! shes glowing!!! this is the first time ive fought with it in the depths...thats wonderful!!!!!!

i read somewhere that you need like 4500 zonaite or something to max your battery out...which is bad...but i did just get like 100 in this one camp. so, 45 monster camps...still bad but like, not undoable

three monster camps done. i see a fourth one but my fucking bike despawned and i am officially sick of being down here. i'm out!!

hateno detour to turn in all this fabric i got.

dammit i went out and got monster curry for this fucking sidequest here and now idon't have GORON SPICE? gimme a fucking break i'm fast traveling right now to go get it who knows when i'll be back this is ridiculous

bought their fucking stock out. BACK to hateno...

i can use...the school's field...?

FARMING SIM?????????????????????

well lol i have nothing useful to add to the field and the npc does all the work, but still cool!! this game rly does have everything

the problem w my battery is, idk where any of those little shops are. i got one under the great plateau, one on the great sky islands, and that's it. are they just in abandoned mines??

great sky islands to buy Even More crystalized charges. stopping to get some fans. maybe i'll put my third medallion here since i need them so often...but there's a shrine closeby, so maybe not

got one and TWO THIRDS of a battery!!! not bad for just one little trip underground (tho i didn't get it all from there lol)

god this will make biking so much better.........

back to zoras domain. i have it on good authority (i saw it on my map by accident) that my climbing gear is here and i am LIVID that i've been living without it all this time bc i didn't fucking explore properly. i know there's some in this cave let's FUCKING go

ok, i didn't find it. apparently in a different cave, the whole zora area is lousy w them

unfortunately tho i gotta go to bed so that's a problem for future me!!

[nathaniacolver]

this one got messed up idk but this is supposed to be part 6, idk just insert it into the other thread in your mind. okay? okay.

(this is literally from like 3 days ago (now 5) btw bc our internet died for like 2 days so shoutout to the Switch for not needing internet but also i couldn't post anything until today)

so to summarize i ran around and did a bunch in the snow then went back to lookout larry or whatever it's called

not "there's a demon voice"......lady i am NO exorciser (tbh i'm pretty sure someone just got stuck down there and had pigged out on food or something)

there i fixed the stable now can i have my FREAKINF HORSE

hyrule field is so lovely........WHEN IT'S NOR RAINING ANDNSKSJDSJ

ok boutta dive into this chasm after robbie bc he's senile, wish me luck (if it's a quest it can't be that bad.......right.....)

oh so THAY'S why i have 250+ brightbloom seeds????

bruh. bruh. why did i misstep into the freaking gloom

lightroot!!!!!!! yes i love it!!!!!!!!!!

not gloom monsters freaking

oh i'm farming zonaite.....

AND BOMB FLOWERS???? I LOGE THE DEPTHS

bruh i was typing all this out for so long that my switch went to sleep and my bluetooth headphones disconnected sksjdksjdjeb

robbie how the FRICK did you see. stupid old man goggles

OH SO THIS TREE ROOT IS GLOOM TOO HUH. WHY ISN'T IT RED THEN

BRO GIMME THE CAMERA FUNCTION (*foams at the mouth in hyrule compendium*)

okay bear statue..............berlin vibes

bruh. the lightroots are the shrines. THE LIGHTROOTS ARE THE SHRINES

i'm just running around going chika chika on my camera

no pics of poes???????......hmmm

OH SO THAY'S WHAT MY OLD MAPS WERE FOR now tell me. why i gotta go to the sky to find maps for stuff in the depths WHO TRAVELLED THERE AND PLACED THEM THERE. WHO THE FRICK HAD THE TIME AND AUDACITY

I GOT A GLOWY MINER'S CHEST PIECE YYYYYYYYEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHH no more brightbloom wasting

okay now time to travel back upstairs

bro that dude that "feels awful"........sorry you didn't get a right arm from a dead ghost goat my boy

my horse stood there obediently next to the chasm, in the rain, for probably one whole day..........i know they do that but STILL. :')

"goggles" and "swordsman". i love josha

time to tackle this demon voice with my 26 bomb flowers

oh it's just the switcheroo statue. oh

down 19 bomb flowers and i didn't even find a real entrance into hyrule castle.......oh wait......ascend????? bruh i'm saving rn and ascending

i wasn't.....even.....inside Hyrule castle.....

wait........wait.......i think i need a moment...........i have tulin's vow but it has a similar symbol to zelda's time rune.........wait.........does link already have zelda's vow..............🥺🥺🥺🥺

why do i keep finding all the beginner shrines now. "a windy device" as if i didn't already try my darndest to get the horniest out of his crater!!!!

haha i meant hornist but that's fine too

okay so maybe it actually IS for me bc i just whacked the fan to make it turn but in doing so demolished the wooden platform it was attached to......

the best thing ab shrines is free regen

once you ascend you never go back

why is the cave not done.......oh bc of the blue rocks......hmmmmmm.

wait someone just rang our doorbell and it was the ups guy and i had to sign even though it wasn't mine and now why was the guy kinda cute??? ok miss "lesbian" nia

wait both IRL AND IN GAME I CAN'T BC I JUST MET TAURO AND WHY MY HEART DO SUMN SEEING HIS WHOLE CHEST OUT LIKE???

oh there's a poe statue???

150 POES freak......well better get to farming then

josha doing her puzzle.....love it

well sorry josha but i'm going to neclude first bc i gotta see my babies kakariko & hateno

but wait lemme sleep first to wait out the night

BUT WAIT LEMME PRAY BEFORE I SLEEP haha lol.....idk why i thought that was so funny

the fact that link can just eat more instead of ever sleeping.........kinda based idk

see i KNEW those rupee bunnies led you to caves

they thought a flock of keese was gonna scare me. i didn't even take any damage

need to live tweet my playing of totk but don't wanna be annoying on my irl so i'll just do it here. this is the first bit:

BEWARE: TOTK SPOILERS BELOW

"i know i'll be ok with you link" okay they are IN LOVE

WHERE IS LINK IN THE CUTSCENE. THEY HAVE TO SHOW HIM IN THE NEXT 10 SECONDS OR I WILL FRET

ZONAI????!!?!!?!??!?!?! (Listen i forgot the gameplay trailer)

me walking at a respectable pace as to not leave zelda's side

BABE THERE'S TOO MUCH MALICE HERE WHY ARE WE STILL GOING

just talked to zelda and she was like "i'm so excited!!!!" GIRL DO YOU NOT HAVE AN OUNCE OF SELF-PRESERVATION

swinging the sword swinging the sword

WAIT WHY DO I HAVE 30 HEARTS WHYYYYYYY DO I HAVE 30 HEARTS

THEY JUST ADDED AN INSTRUMENT OR TWO OH FRICK AND IT'S GETTING LOUDER oh i already love the sound engineering

GLOWY SPIRAL????

DON'T PICK UP THE TEAR BABY oh frick oh frick

OH THAT'S WHY I HAD 30. FOR THE DRAMA

CAN'T LOOK AT MY TYPING I'M WATCHING THE CHTSCENE

OH FRICK IT JUST SHATTERED OH FRICK

gamer lean on x games mode rn

mans said screw it i'm out. fly you fools

BRO I WAS TYPING THE ABOVE WHEN HE LUNGED AND I GOT SO NERVOUS THAT I'D HAVE TO FIGHT FJSKDKJSJDAHHDLADG THE JOYCONS ARE FLOPPING AROUNS ON MY ARMS

THAT TEAR BETTER PROTECT HER I HOPE THAT'S WHAT THAT GLOWY YELLOW WAS

BRO WHAT. THE BLUE GLOWING IS GOOD. this is so anakin skywalker of him btw

baby don't you worry i'm gonna make link level up so fast so he can come and get you

oop naked link again AND HIS SHORTS ARE SHORTER????

nice mani link

A MAN'S VOICE???????? WHO IS IT WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW THEIR NAMES

okay so The Voice just gives him an arm. okay

the malice or whatever stopping just at the triforce is Symbolic, i think

is it really a master sword or is it a master Dagger

i rly be taking screenshots of everything like i'm a tourist

okay green hand thing go off!!! oop give it a high five and it turns blue and goes behind you as a save point

*taking notes* okay cogs are cogging.......gears are gearing..........

now why the frick did it have me dive like that. what was The Reason

i Forgor that link can tread water indefinitely. swimming king

not me searching every nook and cranny like there's gonna be secrets in this Cave

PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARCHAIC PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wait i put them on and now he looks like a gladiator.......cardboard skirt & Jesus sandals........ok shirtless king

oop just noticed his hair animations & the layers are CRAZY but it lookin good

wait so they was underground......and now in the sky...................i have Theories

they said aerial view shot once again but i mean AERIAL

ope no climbing, you're already too high in the sky

the lighting looks SO GOOD!

it's so silent up here i love it.

the MUSIC AHHHH

WAIT EVERYTHING'S AN ISLAND???? OH WE WAY THE FRICK UP IN THE SKY LINK. HOW CAN YOU BREATHE THAT THIN AIR

this game is making me fall In Love. with Silence

TREE BRANCH YES THE WORLD IS HEALING

apples. i could Cry

is that a broom?????

wait so the soldiers are bad and the stewards are good. it's just like real life!

why do i have the feeling that this is a /different/ princess zelda that left this to him.......oh nvm it's just the purah pad. what happened to the sheikah slate???

is link gonna look at pics on it and get emo

wait so. garden of time (ok Christianity reference). so zelda has lived through some trash already and is like poor link in the past. let's give him this

aw it's lonely :(

YES WE'RE GETTING ZELDA RIGHT AWAY I COULD CRY

ooh the purah pad looks slick (i'm so sorry but why does that sound like a tampon brand LIKEEEEE)

high five!!! oh wait high fives have OTHER FUNCTIONS???!?!

now why did the bridge have to do all that fancy stuff. (ik it's for stability or whatever don't @ me engineers)l

just smashed some pots. link's Primeval Urge

ok so linear path for Diving. got it.

that's a hot-footed frog.......................i could cry. i AM crying

picked up a rock. now i just have to see some Chickens

there are Grates in the ground and you can peek below. idk why i like that so much.

i am hunting these ostriches like i might die

THAT GUY SNUCK UP ON ME SO SILENTLY. I DECIDED I HATE FLOATING MACHINE ENEMIES (don't worry i was fine)

why did i try to light a frog on fire

[luvth0t]

DEVIL’S ADVOCATE ━ M.V

in which max isn’t happy you were alongside lewis instead of him after the events of monza.

warnings; toxic max kinda but not really? possessive max, oral sex, degrading, choking, spanking, face fucking, thigh riding, orgasm denial iDK ITS ROUGH SMUT, it’s unedited cause i’m lazy

you loved your job, more than anything. it had brought you countless opportunities, friends, experiences. being lewis hamilton’s pr manager would seem daunting to most, but it was much easier than dealing with the younger drivers.

lewis knew how to handle himself, you weren’t glued to his side every press conference or prepping him before every interview. obviously there were instances where you would, if anything had happened or if there was a major talking point. but he was an experienced driver and knew how to tackle most situations.

that didn’t mean you got to slack off, but you enjoyed the privileges of the job for sure. you’d be stupid not to with all the travel and time away from home that comes with it.

you had met so many people, made so many friends. lewis being one of them; rumours flew of some sort of romance between the two of you a couple of summers ago but you were both quick to shut those down. you saw him as a close friend, as he did you. not speaking much during the off season yet there was a level of trust there.

another perk of the job was meeting him.

max verstappen, lewis’s latest rival; the dutch driver who you coincidentally happened to have wrapped around your finger.

it all started one night in monaco; a few days after the race you had stuck around to experience the luxurious city. a drunken night at a club resulted in you ending up in the drivers bed.

while you knew who he was, obviously, he had not recognised your face. too drunk to ask about your profession, and you too drunk to tell him; it would be an understatement to say you were freaking out when you woke up to hickeys covering your body and him beside you.

it wasn’t the fact he was literally the face of your bosses biggest rival, it was the fear of him seeing you in the paddock and recognising you.

which happened only a few weeks later, in hungary. he thought he was hallucinating when he spotted your face outside the mercedes garage, the girl who had quite literally blown his mind all those nights ago.

while he had hoped to see you again, he thought it was an off chance and the possibility of it was slim to none in his eyes. yet there you were, dressed in black and teal speaking with toto in what appeared to be a casual conversation.

he was shocked to say the least, and when your eyes met his you were ready for him to accuse you of stalking him maybe? avoidance? you didn’t know what to expect, maybe he wouldn’t even remember you? who knows how many girls he sleeps with.

how that day actually ended was you on your knees in his motor home, your mercedes shirt tossed aside and on the floor alongside any loyalty.

since then it’s been a whirlwind of sneaking around, sleeping together and enjoying each other’s company. you weren’t dating, it was more of a friends with benefits situation. but the benefits seemed to have grown over the past few months compared to when it was just sex when this all started a year ago.

with it came challenges, especially with the on track battle between lewis and max heating up. it was definitely noticed your worry for the redbull driver during the silverstone incident, and your conflicting emotions when lewis won compared to others.

while you were more than happy that he had gotten the points and won his home race, you found yourself prioritising being able to see max for yourself after his crash. which wasn’t possible until your work was done.

since then things had eased up, the summer break certainly helping. but then came monza. the pair having crashed again and you were once again left with conflicting emotions.

worried sick for lewis like everyone else was in the garage, you hadn’t left his side the remainder of the afternoon and evening. not only did this mean a busy week work wise with dealing with the press and the soon to come onslaught of questions, lewis was your close friends and you always wanted to make sure he was okay.

because of this, your sunday and monday night was spent with lewis and on your computer, instead of your usual routine of spending that time with max. finding time together was difficult yet easy.

max never thought he’d be able to grow attached to a girl considering how often he travelled, then he found you. who was in the same place as him every weekend. it meant seeing you was no issue, kind of.

the fact the weekends were in fact jam packed, for max more so; and that eyes were everywhere and the differing uniforms were more than just an eyebrow raiser, actually being able to spend quality alone time with you had to be arranged carefully.

overtime it had become quite clear the nights after races and the monday he had off was what worked for both of you, and it had become apart of each of your routines.

but not that weekend in monza, much to max’s dismay.

“haven’t forgotten about me, have you?” max’s voice became clear as he approached you, in the paddock with a coffee in your hand; leaning against the wall of one of the many buildings.

a small smile formed on your lips as he came into view; always happy to see a familiar face, especially his.

“how could i ever?” you replied with a playful scoff, straightening your posture up as you ran a hand through your hair.

now being in sochi, you hadn’t seen him since the italian grand prix. the week off you had gone home, meaning you were on your phone as little as possible and hadn’t made any contact. not that you needed to. it was quite clear the two of you only got together on race weekends, when it was convenient. it hadn’t branched out of this environment.

“missed you in monza, that’s all,” he shrugged with a small hum; his arms moving to cross over his chest. he was dressed in his race suit, it hanging off his hips lightly, his drink bottle in his right hand. practice was in just over an hour so you were pretty sure he had spotted you on the way to the redbull garage.

you pursed your lips when he mentioned monza, only then noticing his features were missing his usual smile; you hadn’t yet heard his laugh which always made an appearance in your presence, and his tone was not as soft as it usually is.

“yes, i don’t know if you heard but lewis was involved in a crash; meaning my workload piled up,” you spoke sarcastically; giving an explanation which you thought was obvious as to why you had to pull out on seeing him that night.

max still wasn’t amused however. from being on a great position on sunday, to crashing into lewis, getting a penalty, missing out on points; max was in a sour mood that night to say the least. seeing you with lewis of all people, giving him your sympathy and your care when you should be with him only angered him further.

he didn’t have an issue with your friendship with lewis, but when his emotions were running high and the only thing he wanted was you; the knowledge you were with him was a tough pill to swallow considering the circumstances.

“didn’t know all your work had to be done by his side,” max couldn’t help but mutter; his childish side coming out to play as he shrugged, eyebrows slightly raised. of course he was jealous. he wanted to be the one you were supporting. he wanted you to be there waiting for him and telling him that it’s just a race, that these things happen. instead you were saying all of that to the guy he crashed into.

you finally understood what was going on, and couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “you’re jealous?” you pointed out, simply speaking your thoughts. “max a tire ran over his head, i couldn’t leave him to deal with the questions and media preparations by himself; he was shaken up. plus he is my friend.” you chimed.

“so what if i am?” he huffed in response to your question about his jealousy, ignoring your rational explanation because he didn’t want to hear it. he wasn’t accusing you of anything, he was just playing the pity card because he didn’t get what he wanted that weekend. then lewis took the one thing that would’ve boosted his mood.

you looked up at him expectantly, waiting to see if he was actually serious; his expression not changing showed you he was, causing you to let out a small sigh. “then you’re stupid. because i was simply doing my job.” you hummed, bringing your coffee to your lips.

max face had now softened slightly, not completely however. he rolled his eyes when you called him stupid, but didn’t interject because he knew you were correct. but it’s not his fault he had grown so attached to you. your comfort was unbeatable and it turns out he needed it more than he thought.

“i wanted to see you.” he simplified his thoughts, his hand stuffing his drink bottle into his pocket; it hanging out the side and falling a few seconds later, but he didn’t care as his hands had found your hips, face leaning in closer to yours.

you bit down on your bottom lip when he noticeably moved closer to you, managing to remain eye contact. which was sometimes a struggle during intimate moments with him, well more so leading up because he got you flustered so quickly.

“you could’ve answered my text then,” you spoke; it being your turn to mention what you weren’t too pleased with him for the chaotic week.

you had texted him after the race, obviously. you wouldn’t just not check to see how he was. even though it was quite clear he was fine. he hadn’t responded, which didn’t matter much to you because you could only assume his messages would be full.

but if he wants to play the innocent card then you’d happily bring it up.

“a lot of people texted me schatje,” the brunette hummed in a matter of fact tone as his head dipped, his lips brushing against the skin of your neck lightly causing goosebumps to form on your skin.

you rolled your eyes at his cockiness, despite knowing he was telling the truth; you could feel the smugness oozing off of him. and while you acted like it annoyed you, you secretly loved it.

“max someone will see,” you spoke up when he began to leave a few more kisses along your neck, his grip on your hips having tightened and backed you up towards the wall.

“good.” he grumbled against your soft skin, nipping at it lightly which dragged a small gasp out of your lips. your eyes darting around to see if anyone had walked by. knowing that easily anyone could come around the corner and see you both.

“i will lose my job,” you added on through gritted teeth as if he had forgotten, yet made no movements to push him away as you were very much enjoying his lips on your skin, and his hands on you; noticing how they moved up your waist and underneath your shirt.

“fine with that too.” max shrugged carelessly, yet pulled away from you regardless, however there was still minimal distance between the pair of you as his lips practically hovered against your own, hands still holding on to you.

your eyes pouring into his with many different emotions, as if to say ‘are you serious?’ and ‘kiss me.’ at once. because both were appropriate.

“you’ve got to get to practice.” you reminded him; allowing your fingers to find the hem of his long sleeve shirt beneath his drivers suit near the neck, straightening it out slightly with a small smile pulling on your lips. a teasing smile.

“i have time to spare. are you trying to get rid of me?” he asked, playfully now as he finally cracked a small smile; enjoying one of the few moments he could be close to you out in the open. and in max’s eyes if toto, lewis or any mercedes staff happened to stumble across the pair of you he wouldn’t mind. he’d love it actually, if it didn’t bring you stress. but it would.

“no. i’m trying to make sure you don’t do anything stupid because of your childish jealousy,” you rolled your eyes another time, withdrawing your hands from him as you quickly leant up to press a short kiss to his lips, having checked the coast was clear before hand.

this had his smile growing, getting the reassurance he needed. for now. “fine. but you’re all mine after 4. no matter what happens, you hear me?” he practically demanded as his fingers found your chin; holding your face up lightly to look at him.

his eyes had visibly darkened as his question came out more as a demand that didn’t need an answer, which had you squeezing your thighs together just at the thought of what might occur once practice was over and everyone was free to go.

“all yours,” you confirmed; a small smirk forming on your lips, which had him tempted to take you right here and right now. he composed himself however, tearing his hand away from yours and being quick to spin on his feet and leave the way he came; only then you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

━

practice went well, not that you could tell too much; the technical side of things and what the engineers and mechanics were looking out for during the practice sessions meant to nothing to you; while you understood all the basics, the discussion in the garage were next level. but you could easily catch the vibe and it was positive throughout the mercedes garage.

currently going through post practice interviews, you were by lewis’s side as he moved from interviewer to interviewer amongst other drivers and team representatives.

like usual you weren’t doing too much, lewis having this under control and the pair of your already going through some generic answers to questions that may come up. more so things he shouldn’t say, not that you ever tell him to not say things; the team definitely does and it’s your job to help ensure he can work around restrictions and still be authentic. which he does just fine.

“it’s going to rain in no time,” lewis commented as the pair of you left the press area; your head nodding as you both came to a stop to wait for a few mercedes team members to come over for a debrief. stupid routines and policies in place of course.

“surprised it held off, glad you got a whole session in.” you hummed in agreement as your eyes turned up to look at the dark clouds; lewis nodding in agreement, the small talk coming naturally to both of you.

“you got anything planned tonight? i’m going out for dinner with angela and a few of the guys, you should come along.” lewis smiled as he invited you out; he was always one to include others. which made it so easy to be his friend, he could easily act above everyone but he didn’t.

it was almost comical that as he spoke your eyes had wandered around and landed on a certain dutch driver, who was already looking your way. except his blue eyes were to your left, intensely watching the interaction between the pair of you. the wide smile on both of your faces, how close the pair of you stood to each other.

he couldn’t do anything about it is what annoyed him, the fact he could only watch was the issue. not you two speaking about god knows what.

“i’d love to but i’ve got a stack of emails i’d much rather get done before sunday,” you smiled, politely declining. you weren’t completely lying. but that’s not why you weren’t going to entertain the idea of dinner.

“all good, hopefully we can make up for it on sunday with the whole team instead.” he grinned, winking playfully as you let out a small laugh and nodded your head as he implied a mercedes win.

to max it looked more like a flirtatious interaction than discussing work, but max was almost bias from his petty thoughts and habit of jumping to conclusions. it wasn’t too much of a secret that certain situations could get his anger rising quickly. this happened to be one of them.

he controlled himself though, focusing on the next interview he was dragged along too, well focusing as much as he could. his mind still burning with the picture of you and lewis in his head.

it had been another half an hour until you were free to go, debrief with lewis and the head of PR before a debrief with the whole PR team, which passed by quickly as everything had ran smoothly.

you were free to do whatever until tomorrow, yet the expected text from max stating he was waiting for you meant you wouldn’t be leaving the track anytime soon; on your way to his motor home.

the second you had opened the door he had you pushed up against it to slam it shut again, his lips on yours before you could even take in his appearance. although you were pretty sure he was yet to change out of his drivers suit.

the rough kiss had you weak at the knees as you desperately kissed back the second you had gathered yourself. his large hands held a tight hold on your waist, until he felt your hands push up on to his chest. despite loving the feeling of your hands on him, he had different plans for tonight.

grasping your wrists in his hands, he was quick to raise your arms above your head and away from him; hesitantly pulling his lips away from yours. you frowned when he stopped you from touching him, and stopped kissing you; searching his face for an answer.

“you’re in for it tonight prinses,” he spoke in a low whisper as he took a few moments to admire your pretty face. his clenched jaw, sharp tone and dark eyes had you realising he was still hanging on to his petty jealousies; but in the moment you didn’t mind. it excited you more so. “you’re going to do what i say, and let me ruin this pussy, my pussy, whatever way i please; because you’re mine, yeah? and only i know how to make you scream.” he added as he shoved his knee between your legs to make you spread them.

your cheeks had flushed red at this point, feeling completely at his mercy with your hands above your head and his thigh between your legs; meaning you couldn’t squeeze your thighs together for some sort of relief to deal with the arousal building as his words rung through your ears.

“yeah,” you mumbled just loud enough for him to hear; pursing your lips together in thought for a few seconds; for some reason seeing him so worked up over basically nothing had you wanting to push him further. “lewis probably could too though,” the words left your mouth without a second thought; your innocent eyes not enough to disguise the intention of your words.

it was quite obvious lewis was what this was all about, and the idea of max making you regret your words only excited you and added to the wetness between your legs.

max wasn’t amused, well aware you were attempting to get on his nerves and it worked regardless. his hand moving up to grab your throat suddenly, applying the perfect amount of pressure as your head hit the door behind you lightly. “you wanna repeat that?”

a gasp had left your lips when he had suddenly choked you, your lips now apart as you had no choice but to stare back at him, tongue grazing over your teeth. part of you now was saying maybe apologise and back out, but where was the fun in being obedient?

“i said, lewis probably could too,” you managed to repeat yourself; almost stuttering, breathing out your words with a bit of difficulty because of the pleasing feeling off his fingers around your neck.

he was silent for a few moments, it being clear he was thinking. you were worried for a second you may have pushed too far and he’d leave you worked up with nothing at all. but you were reassured that wasn’t the case when his hand tightened its grip slightly.

“was going to make you cum over and over again until you were crying but now i think i’d much rather edge you until you’re begging me to stop,” was all he said before his lips were back on yours, giving you no time to complain about his plans.

you thought the kiss before was rough, but this one somehow topped it. the kiss eager and desperate as his hands left your wrists and neck, mumbling a ‘leave them there’ against your pink lips, causing you to whine into the kiss as his hands began to roam your body.

he felt deprived of touching you after only two weeks apart and he was making up for it right now, fingers finding the hem of your shirt and tugging it over your head swiftly, discarding the mercedes merch carelessly and not letting it interrupt the make out session any longer than needed.

you were struggling to keep your hands off of him, wanting nothing more than to tangle your fingers in his hair and pull him closer, run them over his toned chest or down his biceps. but you weren’t going to dig yourself a deeper hole.

you moaned against his lips when his knee pushed up into your core, your hips bucking against him in response. you could make out a muffled chuckle from him but ignored it, he was well aware how needy he made you. which should be enough to realise he had no need to worry about other guys, including lewis.

but max was a jealous guy. he wouldn’t deny it.

“get on your knees,” he demanded breathlessly after pulling away from the heated kiss, his lips slightly swollen just like yours. “gonna put that mouth to use considering you wanna keep running it like a fucking brat,”

you didn’t need to hear anything more as you were quick to drop to your knees; your hands moving behind you to rid yourself of your bra while doing so, watching as max tugged the race suit further down his hips and then his pants to reveal his hardened cock, watching as it slapped his stomach.

he looked at you expectantly, taking in the sight which had him wanting to forget everything he said and just fuck the shit out of you. but he was determined tonight he’d actually go through with his words and make you somewhat suffer. denying you of an orgasm all night wouldn’t be the case, because pleasuring you pleasured him. but he wasn’t going to go easy on you.

your hand moved to wrap around his length, but he was quick to tsk, drawing your eyes back up to him. “no hands. just your mouth.” he clarified, raising his eyebrows to see if you’d question him. and you held back the want to roll your eyes at his smugness, but listened regardless, moving to put your hands behind your back as you took him in your mouth.

you wanted to pout over still not being able to touch him but you knew that wouldn’t last the whole time, instead focusing on pleasing him the best you could. high hopes that a good blowjob could help you get back into the good books.

you looked up through your eye lashes as you began bobbing your head up and down, taking as much of him in as you could, watching as his head fell back and his lips parted; a deep groan following.

you pushed yourself further after this, like always. how could you not when he looked like that above you? eager to pull more moans out of him as you swirled your tongue around him perfectly, as if you were an expert at this.

his hands came to grasp your hair, pushing it out of your face and giving him a grip on your head. “so fucking good liefje, mouth was fuckin’ made for me.” he grunted as he tugged your hair lightly, causing you to moan around his cock as you sucked him off.

it felt slightly unnatural without your hands to hold on to his thigh or to jack off what you couldn’t fit in your mouth, but never the less you were doing pretty damn well like always. as proven by the moans and grunts falling from max’s lips.

he was glad to just have you again after two weeks without. two weeks used to be nothing but now was too long in his eyes to be away from you.

you had released him from your mouth to catch your breath, spitting on his cock and swirling your tongue around his tip for a few moments as you did so before taking him all in again; his eyes staring down at you because the sight was one he always made the most of.

“gonna fuck your face; take it like a good slut yeah? i know you can,” he soon breathed out, his tone somewhat soft compared to before despite his words. however the degradation had your thighs squeezing together once again.

you hummed out around him, attempting to nod your head. he had waited for the confirmation, despite knowing you were fine with it as he had before; he always liked to make sure. he knew your limits, which you loved. he’d always push you to the edge whereas others couldn’t. he knew what you liked as you did him.

his grip on your hair tightened as one of his hands moved to cup your cheek roughly, before his hips started to thrust lightly into your mouth; pushing himself further down your throat.

his moans increased while you forced your eyes to stay open and watch him, admiring the way his muscles flexed and his lips parted from the pleasure. his tip hitting the back of your throat repeatedly had your eyes beginning to water as you gagged around him, taking it none the less.

your lips were now a mess, saliva and pre-cum falling down onto your chin as he paused for a few moments to let you breathe. the second you had somewhat composed yourself he was thrusting into your mouth again, harder and deeper this time.

your name alongside many pet names and curses filled the room alongside his moans, feeling him twitch in your mouth a few moments later before he released down your throat.

your hands were behind your back and pressing against the wall to help with your balance as he soon pulled out of your mouth, a couple of tears having escaped your eyes from the face fucking.

“fuck you’re good at that,” max mumbled as he breathed heavily, coming down from his high meaning he couldn’t help but praise you; looking down at you.

your hands had moved to wipe the corners of your mouth and chin as you looked up at him, cheeks flushed, lips red and your hair already messy. yet you looked better than ever.

he suddenly had you on your feet again, his hands helping you up as you placed your hands on his chest to stop yourself from toppling over. too impressed with his orgasm he didn’t stop you from touching him this time.

“what to do with you, hm?” he smirked as his hand trailed to the waistband of your pants; easily slipping under them and under your lace thong to cup your wet cunt, his smirk only growing when his suspicions that you were aroused were confirmed. “so needy and i’ve barely touched you prinses,” he commented; a small moan escaping your lips as his fingers brushed over your clit.

his hand was gone before you knew it, your bottom lip between your teeth as you stopped yourself from huffing and pouting. any other night you would’ve pushed him onto the sofa behind him and taken charge, as you didn’t have much patience.

but he was in charge right now and you were loving it, how could you not? his hands found your hips again as he dragged you with him to the sofa, taking a seat before his hands tugged your pants down your legs; you being sure to help him slip them off of you completely.

“you’re gonna ride my thigh,” he suddenly spoke up as he tugged you down onto his lap, yet you were only straddling one of his legs instead of both; your eyebrows furrowing as you looked to him for confirmation that you had heard right. “if you wanna cum tonight you better work for it, don’t think you deserve my fingers or tongue baby.” he explained.

you pursed your lips as you blushed intensely, you had never done this before; not even with him and while hesitant your need to get off will probably take priority. and it did when his hands guided your hips to grind against his clothed thigh.

a moan fell from your lips quickly after the much needed friction, your hands moving to rest on his chest. the second the pleasure had started you had no issue in grinding your hips against his thigh, needy for whatever he’d give you.

soft moans started to fall as his hands hovered over your hips, watching you intently. enjoying seeing you get off from just his thigh; admiring the way your face scrunched up and contorted in pleasure.

“look at you,” he spoke up as his hand grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him once again. your cheeks felt as if they were on fire, red from embarrassment yet you were still dragging your clit on the material of his driver’s suit shamelessly. definitely going to leave a wet patch but max didn’t mind. “getting off on just my thigh huh, making a mess? such a fucking needy slut,” he repeated; tensing his leg and bouncing it lightly which caused a louder moan.

you were already a whimpering and moaning mess, getting yourself off yet not enough to come close to an orgasm; in a state of limbo where you were desperate for more. nodding at his words and humming in reply, small whines following.

eventually max conceded and let go of one of your hips to find your clit, helping rub quick circles as you continued to move your hips back and forth; your head falling back as you struggled to keep up the pace.

offering further assistance his other hand guided your hips again; causing you to moan his name as you now quite quickly felt your high approaching.

he read you perfectly, he knew how your body worked and the second he picked up you were about to cum his fingers had left your clit, returned to your hip and had lifted your hips enough to remove any contact.

“no, please,” you whined out as you felt the familiar feeling disappear into nothing, your legs squirming and hips bucking to try gain some sort of contact or friction, only to be met with nothing.

he had a cruel smirk on his face as he watched you squirm. while he too wanted to see you come undone on his thigh, he was not letting you off that easy. he wanted to remind you who could get you like this.

“patience love; you brought this on yourself,” he reminded you; his lips lazily pressing a few kisses to your neck, sure enough to leave hickeys which will be a chore for you tomorrow morning.

the second you had come down from your almost high he had flipped you on your back, moving to settle between your legs. he pushed your legs apart, and when you attempted to squeeze them together again due to being sensitive from before, he laid a small slap to your inner thigh.

you let out a small moan at that before he grabbed your thighs and held them apart himself, not giving you any warning before diving into your cunt with his tongue.

“oh god,” you moaned out as he caught you off guard, not expecting him to eat you out right now, the feeling of his tongue between your folds and swirling your clit having your back arch up off the couch.

his grip tightened on your thighs as he relentlessly sucked and licked at your clit, before delving into your entrance every now and then; rotating to ensure you couldn’t get use to anything.

“max please, fuck,” you moaned out; legs already shaking again due to having just come down from almost cumming; unsure of what you were pleading for. probably for him to let you finish this time.

he managed to hold your legs still despite them trying to wrap around his head, your fingers moving to tangle in his hair; your eyes screwing shut.

his tongue was doing a number on you like always, and you felt yourself approaching your high already. you weren’t ashamed it had approached so quick, as it was expected considering he had just denied you of an orgasm not even 5 minutes ago.

but you attempted to hold it off and hide it so he wouldn’t pull away, not sure if you could handle going through it again as your whole body began to shake.

he noticed, eyes glancing up at you with amusement clear on his face. “don’t you dare,” was all he warned you; which had a whine leaving your lips as he didn’t give up on pleasuring you, a gasp being heard when he nibbled on your sensitive bud very lightly before continuing to suck on it.

“i can’t, max; fuck, please,” you stuttered out; unsure if your words were even audible as you tugged on his hair lightly. he gave your inner thigh another harsh slap but you couldn’t even feel it with the orgasm you were so desperately trying to hold off.

you were about to let go, at your absolute limit. but he beat you to it, his tongue and mouth leaving you to clench around nothing as he held your thighs even wider apart; watching as you shook and cried out at another ruined orgasm.

“no, no, no. please,” you moaned; it feeling even more disappointing this time as you squirmed in desperation; your hands leaving his hair as he sat up on his knees, a hum leaving his lips.

“i wouldn’t have to treat you like a brat if you didn’t act like one y/n,” the dutch man spoke, leaning to hover over you; his fingers coming up to tenderly wipe a couple of tears that had escaped your eyes again from the overwhelming pleasure.

legs still shaking and your breathing heavy, you watched him. “m’ sorry,” you managed to speak out; a frown on your face as your hand moved to rest on his chest. “please just fuck me; please? i need you,” you practically begged.

his cocky smile returned, you didn’t even need to beg because he was always going to make sure you left here satisfied. he always did. and you knew it too, you were loving every minute of it because you knew the second he did make you cum it was going to be all that better.

but the desperation you were feeling right now was unmatched and in the moment it had you a complete horny mess.

“no need to stress schatje, i’m gonna fuck you now,” he had mumbled softly, knowing he didn’t need to push you any further. he repositioned you once again, having you on your knees and facing the back of the sofa as he stood behind you.

his hands rid your almost ruined panties with ease, simply ripping the thin material in half. you were too aroused to care, hands gripping onto the back of the sofa as you waited in anticipation.

his hands grabbed at the skin of your ass, taking a few moments to admire the view once again; squeezing the skin before delivering a harsh spank.

it had you jolting forward as a small gasp that turned into a moan left your lips, taking a deep breath at the feeling of his hands roaming your skin.

spreading your cheeks, he quite suddenly thrusted inside of your cunt with ease; having grown hard once again practically since the moment you were riding his thigh.

you both moaned in sync, your hands gripping onto the sofa tighter as you let out a small whimper as he gave you a couple of seconds to adjust to his size. it didn’t take long for him to be thrusting in and out of you quickly however.

even just from the penetration you felt relief wash over your body when you were finally getting pleasured again, your head falling forward as soft moans and whimpers left your lips; biting down harshly on your bottom lip to try contain yourself.

“don’t you dare try keep quiet,” max was quick to notice your actions; speaking through gritted teeth as his hand left your hip to tangle in your hair, tugging it backwards so your head tilted back and your chest lifted so you were closer to him; a louder moan leaving your lips at this from the pain that twisted into pleasure.

there shouldn’t be anyone around but the thought still lingered in your mind, however now that he had told you to not keep quiet you were quick to let the moans leave your lips carelessly.

“always taking me so well prinses. tell me who this pussy belongs to huh?” he whispered into your ear, a few of him own moans and groans being heard through out as he pounded you roughly; hitting the perfect spot inside of you.

“you max. only you.” you moaned out in response, whimpering when you felt his lips on the back of your neck; sucking and nibbling at the skin. “oh god; all yours, fuck, please,” you continued to ramble, not sure if you were making sense as you felt yourself approach the familiar state for the third time.

“that’s right, all mine.” he grunted as he harshly thrusted in and out of you; his hand leaving your hair to snake around your waist and find your clit, beginning to rub quick and small circles again.

your head fell forward, unable to keep yourself up as your eyes screwed shut; already seeing stars as you felt yourself clench around his cock.

he groaned louder this time, delivering another slap to your ass which was only met with a moan of appreciation from you. causing him to do it again, his other hand still overstimulating your clit.

“i’m gonna cum m-max, please.” you moaned out; stuttering as your back arched as you pushed back against him, clenching around his cock once more as you tried to stop yourself from just cumming right now.

“hold it baby, i know you can. be a good little slut for me for just a little longer,” he spoke lowly; giving your ass a small squeeze as he groaned loudly from the feeling of you around him.

you could only whimper in reply but managed to listen, holding off as your body began to squirm; your moans growing louder as you struggled to keep yourself up with your arms on the sofa.

max, like always, noticed this, his hand leaving your hip to grab your neck; pulling you up against his chest. you were a moaning mess at this point, so when he fastened his fingers at your clit and then whispered in your ear; you came quickly.

“cum for me prinses, go on; tell me who’s making you feel this good.”

and you did, his name being the one you moaned as you finally reached your high and most certainly the best orgasm of your life. practically going limp in his arms as your body shook lightly, feeling him release into you as well; your vision being clouded with stars.

your head had fell back to rest on his shoulder, and after a few moments of you both trying to catch your breath, max pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of your lips.

by the time you had recovered you were sat on the sofa in his shirt, your cheeks still flushed red, hair messy and your eyelids heavy. watching him as he cleaned up the piles of both your discarded clothes.

“you okay?” he spoke in your direction, causing a lazy laugh to leave your lips, yawning as you rested your head on the arm rest; eyes not leaving him.

“i’m fine.” you spoke with a small smile. “more than fine, just tired.” you couldn’t help but giggle, watching as his cocky smile tugged on his lips yet again. “you really don’t have anything to worry about though, you know that right?” you couldn’t help but clarify.

his smile didn’t falter, meaning he was well aware he had nothing to worry about. “i know,” he chuckled; causing you to roll your eyes as he approached you, his hand coming to cup your cheek lightly. “i do know though. still doesn’t mean the thought of you with him━ well anyone, pisses me off.” he admitted sheepishly.

“hm, well if you do know and those occasional thoughts result in this i don’t think it’ll be much of an issue anyways,” you grinned; earning another small chuckle from him before he brought his lips to yours in a kiss. a soft one unlike what had started the evening, both just as good as each other however.

━

a/n: how tf do u end smut 🤨🤨 anyways hope y’all liked it pls tell me if u did cause i need validation and reassurance 😀😀😀

[goosedawn]

Goose I'm back on my bullshit here's more Eret centered AUs

In this world humans have headed to revert primarily back to medieval times do to giants emerging out of the ground and destroying large cities, many of the giants don't mean to destroy the cities and towns once they wake up but a lot of them genuinely don't care

Some humans also start turning into giants/mini-giants all on their own over the course of a week, Eret (a giant) believes this is what happened to him since he woke up in the middle of the woods surrounded by a destroyed house and all alone with no memory

Eret just wanders around all alone for quite some time until he finds a small human child wandering around in the forest, the kid is surprisingly not scared of him and runs up to Eret asking for help

Eret gladly assist the small child by following them to some rocks that fell down on there brother and very carefully remove the rocks, Eret does his best to fix up the human but one of his legs are broken so he can't really leave the two alone since they might get hurt

Eret ask the kod what his and thwre brothers name is- He now has Tommy (6 years old) hanging out in his chest pocket and Wilbur (17 which is also Eret's age) being carefully cradled in his hands he had towards his own home, she really hopes the human doesn't freak out when they wake up and carefully substitute down in a small box with a blanket while she goes off to make dinner for them

Hopefully Eret's friend Foolish doesn't mind to human staying in the house for a few days

-Plant

@plant-gt-thought-box THATS SO CUTE im love,, ❣️❣️

abjjjhdmjhdhje im too tired to properly write something for this but.

[slight tw for discussion of death (none happens)]

what if the reason Wilbur got stuck under the rocks was because Tommy was being reckless and he had to push Tommy out of the way of the falling rocks? so then Tommy's just crying while Wilbur is trying to calm him down and eventually convinces Tommy to try run to the next town over to get help

but in reality, Wilbur is more worried that its getting dark, and is trying to get Tommy to safety because Wilbur doesn't think he will make it, especially not with all the giants and other dangerous creatures in the forest.

Tommy ofc stumbles across Eret, whos. idk maybe theyr vibing in a field? and 6 year old Tommy just goes. OH THIS PERSON CAN HELP and gets attached to Eret immediately because they go along with calling him a "big man"

when they get back to where Wilbur is, night is already falling and the last thing Wilbur sees before he blacks out is the glint of Eret's eyes in the dying light.

also if i read your ask right u also implied Foolish and Eret lived together which is cool ahdkfhdkf i love the idea of Eret maybe going travelling a lot, and occasionally returning with interesting trinkets and such, but this is the first time Foolish has seen them bring back not one but two people

Wilbur doesn't expect to wake up, but when he does hes in a box and Tommy is nowhere to be seen. he panics and Tommy immediately calls out for him. He hears heavy footsteps as Eret approaches with Tommy in his hand, dropping him off so the two can hug. Wilbur, obviously scared out of his mind, attempts to shield Tommy from the giant, while Tommy struggles and tries to tell him that Eret helped save them

ofc, Wilbur and Tommy end up staying, but yknow. what if. sometimes. much like that first week when the giants rose from the earth, some people just grow into giants/minigiants. i am saying what if Tommy becomes a minigiant as he grows up ahfjdbjsvfj

ALSO. can i just say the setting sounds really interesting, especially if you take into context that the world was presumably much like ours when the giants rose, so theres probably a neat post-apocalyptic feel mixed with more medieval ways of living

depending on how long it would have been, there could be a neat aesthetic of broken down modern day structures that have been stripped for material mixed with a fantasy-medieval style

like. horse carts piled with hay passing by a field littered with concrete rubble and iron bars, the grain growing up between it all

everything is mostly medieval based but just. with reminders of the world that once was.

THIS TURNED INTO ME JUST THINKING OF WORLDBUILDING ABDJDKCBEMBTKCHDK

I AM THINKING ABOUT WORLDBUILDING A LOT but its also kinda goin off the rails so imma sleep maybe

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

thoughts on moth childe; I feel like he can read your mood pretty well and can gauge how and when you like to be physically touched and coddled. Like he can read ur aura or smth lmao but he uses it to his advantage when you're feeling particularly irked and stingy specifically. idk about other people but its always 50/50 for me to be touched when I;m in a mood like that. Just imagine this huge monster purring while sitting at your feel staring at your until you gesture him to rest his head on your lap or smth!!! Or if you're not the touchy feeling type he just continues to sit/ lay around you purring extremally loud on purpose to make you feel betterrrr AUGh <333 hope this made some sort of sense

this makes total sense because you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. even before Child got stuck in Foul Legacy he knew a lot about your habits and emotions from just spending time with you, and once he's in Moth Mode tm it's amplified by at least 10. he can very clearly tell when you're not in the mood for physical contact and he is very respectful of it!!! and even when he thinks it's alright, he always waits for your permission to snuggle up on your legs (plus when he's waiting for you to give the "go ahead" sign, he's sitting next to you on the cough and staring with a big sparkly eye so he's just ADORABLE)

and if you're very much NOT in the mood to be touched but also need to not be alone, Childe will curl up beside you and rumble so loud so you can hear it clearly. sometimes it makes you fall asleep and lean on him, and he treasures that when it happens!!! very gently patting your head and pulling a blanket over you so you can sleep well <33 honestly i think he understands not wanting physical contact at times because he was like that when he first got stuck in Foul Legacy- you were the only one who could touch Childe without him freaking out, and it took a very long time for him to warm up to other people like Zhongli or the Traveler!!!

[sscoutregimentss]

i know we as a collective society believe in gamer! eren supremacy. and yes, this is a good take. however, may i introduce to you: normie/fuckboy/jock eren with gamer/nerd gf. thoughts under the cut (safe for work, pg-13, also slight snk spoilers for season 3 and up!)

see, eren isnt necessarily a fuckboy. in fact, hes very loyal! he doesnt really think that way about any girls or guys except you. but hes popular romantically and had a reputation for sleeping around before he met you (not that theres anything wrong with that but ya know word travels fast across campus). plus, cmon the dude is in a frat, super hot and has a tongue piercing. he cant blame anyone for thinking he is a fuckboy bc he exudes the energy.

you are kind of the complete opposite. you dont really enjoy parties and you keep to yourself. you're a total wreck when it comes to flirting and your kinda oblivious to whenever people like you. you dont have many friends and are a bigger fan of 2d people than 3d.

either way eren finds you so so so cute. he first approached you at one of his frat parties. your roommates convinced you to come after she said that someone (read: connie) had a dance dance revolution mat, but you kinda just stuck around in a corner staring at your cup once you lost them. he looks you up and down-- your outfit was pretty cute, a short plaid orange pleated skirt, dress shirt, orange cardigan and black beret laying neatly upon your head. and your face... he couldn't help himself but try to talk to you. you were really anxious because wahhh scary sports guy you dont know but he was kinda instantly comforting? in a way? and he was freaking pretty. he looked like a final fantasy character--long haired characters were your type. the rest was kind of history.

a lot of people are shocked when they find out your dating bc you two are so different (some people are surprise eren “dates” at all) but no one dares question your relationship when they see how much eren dotes on you. he has so many polaroids of you in his wallet-- from the many arcade dates you bring him on where you decimate him at almost every game, you awkwardly posing in the hentai section of bookstores, or just candids of you being intensely focused on a puzzle in a game. whenever you guys go out to eat and somethings wrong with your meal, he'll send it back (in a polite way, of course, but hes still assertive.) or if you buy like a figurine and its misisng something hes marching up to the cashier stand for you. he always has an arm around your waist or is holding is hand in yours. sometimes you just cling onto his arm and rest your head on it (hes comfy!!!!! and you are always tired) your both pretty clingy, but you get kinda awkward when you two are around people you know so he just kinda subtly holds you as to not make a scene. its nice. hes comfy.

youve got dual monitors, a pc you made yourself, rgb keyboard, the whole nine yards. all your consoles are up to date and you keep a handheld system on you at all times. you spend most your weekends watching anime and movies and tv shows and your shelves are piled high with books and comic books. eren literally does not understand any of it. when you told him you built your pc he goes "you made all those microchippy things? youre soooo smart babe". when you talk about some of your weirder or more complicated animes he nods along but honestly he gets so lost ("so like, lemme get this straight, the kids dad's wife ate his mom?" "yeah but like she was turned into a titan so she didn't realllllly know it was the dads wife, but like she literally walks past this titan shifter so i think she knew." "thats crazy.") and he will never understand the point of otome games when hes literally right there. he actually has a really bad habit of getting jealous of characters you have a crush on but you just find it funny. sometimes he gets an ego boost when they look like him because even if they look like him he is actually real so they can suck it.

hes rlly supportive tho. erens a rlly passionate person and he loves you a lot so he pours a lot of passion into what you do. if you are into esports/fps games hes cheers you on all the time and does all the raging for you ("BABE THAT GUY IS STREAM SNIPING! HES STREAM SNIPING YOU HEY ASSHOLE STOP CHEATING OFF MY GIRLFRIEND" "eren he cant stream snipe me because i dont stream" "oh i thought that just meant cheating"/"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?" "eren its okay i can just report him" "NO NO LET ME AT HIM IF HE WANTS TO CALL YOU A BITCH I CAN CALL HIM MUCH WORSE" "um guys im gonna mute my mic for a second if you need me text chat") if youre into cozy games he likes to watch you play and gives you ideas on where to put things. like in minecraft he makes you put a second bed for him even though he doesnt play and he helps you name all your pets. you get a little less intense with cozy games so you sit on his lap and he lets his hair down puts his head on your shoulder and points at where you should place stuff. he still rages though? this is eren jaeger we are talking about. ("aw, she wont move to my island." "WHAT? who does that little ugly squirrel think she is? you think youre too good for MY y/n's island? i'll shave your unibrow off. then we'll see what island will want you" "leave hazel alone! shes cute!"/"dude that hamster guy with the glasses looks like armin" "graham? what? armin doesnt even wear glasses" "no no look at it more" "oh shit youre right") rpgs/otome games are kinda a wild card with how he acts. if its an otome game and the character looks like him he is more into helping you out because it reaffirms to him that you find him good looking but otherwise he is just sulking and calling them annoying ("princess y/n... i know im just a servant, but i want to be with you forever!" "pft. get a load of this guy. clingy much?" "its romantic! youre jealous.")

one of his favorite things to do with you is cuddle and watch anime. usually he lies his face on your thighs or chest while watching and you play with his hair or he holds you in his chest and you play with one of his hands while the other goes behind his head. he grew up on some of the classics like naruto sailor moon one piece pokemon and dbz but he never got super into it until he started dating you. you put him on to soooo many good shows (cartoons, anime, and live action) hes both a crier and he is a get-angrier(?). he gets mad on characters behalfs and you have to pause the show so he can rant about how annoying someone is or he feels so bad for someone so he has to take a minute because hes tearing up. he likes slice of life anime because the friendships <3 theyre so wholesome and they remind him of him armin and mikasa but he also likes shounen because it is entertaining to watch fights. he gets really into them actually. he also has this really bad habit of whenever there is a character with no parents or a dead mom he goes "oh same" or "welcome to the club buddy" under his breath. when theres a cute couple in an anime you both like guys get matching keychains of them unless one of them dies because he thinks its bad luck. his favorite animes are haikyuu, your lie in april and code geass.

you are equally supportive of erens volleyball career. you know all the rules because sports anime and you actually find yourself really liking it in 3d as well (it is lacking in bromance and screaming but you let it slide). you go to all his games and he always texts you before his practices. has a habit of kissing you before games and one day after he kisses you go "gg ez win" as a JOKE but then they like decimate their long time rival marley university and get into nationals (is that a thing for volleyball idk sports) so hes convinced its because you did your "gamer magic". now every time after getting his good luck kiss he interlocks your pinkies and you go "gg ez win" and he goes “yes.” because to this day he doesnt know what it means (he thinks googling it is like breaking the magic)

okay im gonna stop while im ahead BECAUSE I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY I MIGHT JUST GO AHEAD AND WRITE SOME ONESHOTS....

[indigo-brainspark]

Ms Marvel Episode 4 Notes

So... this episode is set in my hometown Karachi, which I share with like, fifteen million people. Not an easy place to portray, but I think they got it spot on.

I was not in Karachi at the time the episode came out, so I'm writing this here now.

The glamor shots of everything were a bit much from my perspective. Though that's probably cause I've been here and I know the atmosphere, but most of the audience watching it hasn't even heard of this city. It's like if they have a movie in NYC and it zooms in on people sitting in traffic or going to libraries. Idk I've never been there.

I never realized how much the piss filter they put on all the """poor""" countries bothered me until they properly colored Karachi. I've seen a lot of people comment on how vivid the colors are, and it just makes me happy how people love the color in my city. I definitely get very self-deprecating about the appearance of my country from time to time, and it's not helped by the constant barrage of unflattering images they put on screen.

Can we talk about how rich this family is??? It's getting to me. The grandmother lives alone, on a massive freaking property, no renters, no nothing, huge yard, two floors, and judging by the landmarks we see, in the posh area of the city??? And the cousins are part of a boat club. Not just any boat club. A boat club so pretentious, it has a NO-JEANS POLICY. Where are these people getting this money, hot damn.

Yeah, on the topic of the no-jeans policy, that's not a normal thing. I'm just assuming this place is so posh, they get to say stupid shit like that.

The cousins are just really irresponsible. Imma just say it. They left their underage foreign cousin, who doesn't speak Urdu, or any other regional language, in the middle of the most crowded (and crime ridden) parts of Karachi, after she said she wanted to go to the train station, and also she's in massive trouble for absolutely wrecking her brother's wedding. This girl is probably planning on running away, and even if she wasn't, she's still going to get lost, scammed, or murdered, dear lord, you terrible people.

Funny story, I was actually at the Karachi train station a week before this episode came out. That's why I was able to pinpoint the fact that this wasn't shot in Pakistan, before the told the press that. The real train station doesn't have shading over the platforms. It's sun all the way, because we are assholes.

The aesthetic of the Red Dagger hideout is so cool. I've been travelling, and looking at a bunch of Mughal-era architecture, and you can see the inspiration they took from it.

This episode made me realize people have hot and sour soup that ISN'T red. Honey, what are you doing with ur lives 😭😭😭

On the subject of food, lots of takeout is served in plastic bags and no other containers, and the idea is to cut it open and empty it on a plate at home. Around a campfire, though, it's prolly best to eat straight from bag.

Paani puri is delicious. I don't like the spicy kind, it gets stuck in my throat. Get the thick, sweet kind, and put chickpeas on it, its great.

In regards to the road chase, I love how well they captured the environment, even though they couldn't be here. Yes, a family absolutely will attempt to squeeze onto a single bike. It's a money thing. Also, the women don't sit with a leg on either side of the bike. They usually sit sideways on the bike, as though it were a chair. It's stupid, and I hate it, (I'm allowed to say that cuz I'm a demigirl) and I'm astounded these women don't lose balance like that and fall to grievous injuries. It's not a required thing, but it's just something a lot of women do, but it gives me anxiety. It was carried on from the horse-riding era I think. Anyway desi women sitting at the back of bikes are absolutely badass.

I reverse-translated the verse "what you seek is seeking you" into Urdu, but it turns out that it was a reference to a Rumi poem, which was actually written in Persian, but it makes sense that Kamala couldn't tell that, because it uses the same alphabet as Urdu and Arabic.

I've heard the term ABCD around. But the only American-continent cousins I have are from Canada so we don't really use that in the family. Anyways, I only recently found out that the C does not mean Culturally. All this time I've been thinking its, American Born Culturally Desi, and its actually American Born Confused Desi💀.

Very in-character for desi people to just make fun of their youngers instead of writing something straightforward. My versions better, just saying.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[just-asks-and-beats]

Hi! this may be a bit of a sad spot for some, but there’s no way this blog is going anywhere anymore lol, I just don’t have the motivation whatsoever. jsab is a great game and I still love it, im just not motivated to make anything for it anymore. That’s how life is, you just drift away from some things.

So, to thank you for coming along for the ride while it was still going, i’ll go ahead and explain the storyline and where things were going! there’s proooobably going to be a lot? idk yet, but it’ll be under the cut!

So I had a little draft in my notes app of just basic guidelines for the story. it’s unfinished but here’s all of it:

blixer wakes up in the woods, tries to get his bearings, kinda panics a bit and wants to find a place to hide ☑️

(backstory) meanwhile, lycanthropy had moved to the main island but is slowly starting to turn pink again, mostly keeps it a secret but the people who know freak out, thinking the corruption is coming back☑️

lycan runs away and eventually finds blixer in the woods, doesn’t recognize him, they travel together n try to find a place to go☑️

lycan wants to go back to the volcano, blixer has nowhere else to go bc it’s either that or going back to the island with the cave he was stuck in which is what made him get really pissed off in the first place so he doesn’t want to go back there. ☑️

eventually make it to the volcano, Ship helps get them there, not recognising either of em.☑️

barracuda just. is like “what”☑️

he knows it’s Blixer but doesn’t know lycan or the askers know so he doesn’t say anything for blixers safety. ☑️

eventually the secret it out in the open, blixer admits to being himself and is surprised to know everyone else already knew but sort of relieved, trusting everyone a little more.

potential conflict between Blixer and Barracuda about unsolved issues between their relationship

meanwhile, Cyan and Cube hear of lycan’s disappearance and want to check out the volcano, since that’s where he stayed when he was corrupted, they also want to see how barracuda is doing and if he is still hostile or not.

cut back to barracuda lycan and blixer, they all made up and are now trying to figure out how to get blixer back to his normal form

ship takes cube and cyan to the volcano

the stuff with the checks were things we got to, and those without it were what was to come! also yes you read that right, I was planning on having a little twist where Barracuda actually knew that it was Blixer the whole time! Which would lead into the information that they were childhood friends prior to Blixer being shunned from society and sealed away in the cave, only to be reunited during the corruption! Alsooo… the notes are kind of unfinished because I was going to make up the rest of the stuff as i went. I had no idea how I was going to “end” the story, or what I would do after. Though I would probably do something along the lines of this:

Barracuda and Lycan are able to find a way to bring Blixer back to his normal form… unfortunately just as Cube and Cyan arrive. The terrible timing causes everyone to panic, especially Blixer and Cyan. Blixer, accidentally attacks the two blue shapes in a blind panic as he thinks his life is in danger, then flees the scene.

The other shapes are all incredibly worried, and as Cube questions Barracuda and Lycan, they all notice that Cyan is gone, having chased after Blixer.

Cyan has caught up to him and a fight has ensued. Both think the other is dangerous and are fighting for their lives.

The characters and askers have to work together to de-escalate the situation, the “ending” being everyone coming to an understanding of one another, and Blixer finally being accepted into society once again, his big debut being a huge party everyone was invited to as an apology for his wrongdoings. (also btw I just remembered Heli existed WHOOPS! uhhh I would probably say they were fighting on top of a mountain because Blixer found a cave on the mountaintop and tried to hide by Cyan found him and the fight started, and they’d have to ask Heli for help to get there!)

After the story ended either A. The blog would retire, or B. I would do random things like character Q&A’s, M!A’s, etc, until I could think up how to work in some sort of mini story here and there. The cycle would continue until I got tired of the blog.

Aaaand that’s it! Thanks so much for all the support, and I hope this is at least a little bit of closure so it doesn’t seem like I left things off on a cliffhanger or something!

[submassed]

ok senpiss and osuke megapost right here rn guys im so sorry if i forget anything + if this doesnt make any sense: (im not sorry) (this is just gonna be like. Explaining lore and shit mostly idk idk i might add more as time goes on)

warning i talk and ramble a lot during this i am so sorry to everyone on the senpai fnf tag i will not stop preaching about my two idiots

OK so my brain is fucking massive and huge i have two seperate versions of their relationship because i love how complex the both of them can get (even though senpai is quite literally surface level for like everyone who doesnt know how insane i am about his character and how much ive tried to actually give him More Character)

edit: (i lied theres like three seperate versions but im not going to explain them all because its too much and i already feel bad for talking this much)

the first one is literally just typical, bros not in the game or whatever no game exists its just normal bro time ueah ueah (i call this one Normal) (actually i dont call it that) (idk what to call it) (its the one my brain presets to) (if i dont specify which one it is its most likely this one)

the second one is a little more closer to canon senpai where hes actually in the game & this one is More Upsetting to Me a LOT a lot (ill probably get into this more when i actually have a set idea on what i want this au-ish thing to be about) (whenever im talking about this specific thing ill specify this one)

a little sneak peak on the second one is essentially just. osuke collects games, comes across senpai, they both get attached, osuke realizes how bad its getting, tries to get rid of the cartridge because he wants to focus more on actual life shit, senpai somehow Manages to come back (i explained the whole plot im so mad)

the first one is where like. osuke constantly has to move schools due to his parents travelling for work a lot. eventually he just decides to settle in with his sister and just attend the last year at the hs senpai goes to or whatever.

osuke is A COMPLETE LONER!!!!!!! HES A FREAK!!!!!! and HATES MAKING FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!! and senpai is just like Holy fuck whats up dude hey whats Up hey and just gets Ignored by osuke entirely which Pisses him off because how dare you ignore the most popular guy in School?????

so senpai just. Continuously tries to bother him so they Can be atleast Friends. Wgich OSUKE he fucking hates it because hes like "waaahhh waaahhhh whats the whole point its not gonna last waaahh waaahhhh"

but he manages to soften up and get used to it which THEN causes their initial friendship or whatever.

senpai obvs isnt gonna let all that work go to waste as soon as he became close with him Because He Realized How fucking Annoying Osuke also Is but he doesnt Mind jt because at first they are #Besties

they kinda have some sort of like "lets make fun of people together" bond Becsude They Are both Pieces of shits except one of them is popular snd another one is just Bitter and A Loner

Im not too sure how they got together yet, i hsvent decided on it. I'm kinda leaning towards the side where senpai is conflicted with these sorta feelings and isnt sure How to actually say it to Him because. Wow! Being friends with a loner? Already Damaged your View on others! And then WANTING TO DATE HIM??? WOW!!!!!!!

plus with the fact that like they most def have some sort of complexity between eachother where osuke is hella fucking jealous about his social status at school whereas senpai is SUPER SUPER SUPER jealous about osukes just. way of not Caring about what people think of him (he foes care he just tries to not let it bother him too much) (it bothers him but he doesnt say it outwardly) (he has a lot of internal shit stuck in him)

its like????? kinda tense but also not????? like the frustration fuels them both in a way if that makes sense (like their love for eachother?????? i dont know)

id like to think there wasn't just a confession it was more so pf just a awkward like, "oh shit we're pretty close, oh fuck wait hold on youre doing this rn????? dude youre kisisng me whay the fuck????? dude??????? are we like a thing now what?????? hellow??????"

i know that senpai would Probably Want there to be a confession originally but osuke is actually too fucking dense to connect two and two together (mainly due to the previous factor of him not really having much friends + having to move on so quickly and Not really processing it fully)

i just really like intimacy between them i think its really sweet seeing it 🦭

thats all i can really think of rn so ill wrap it up enjoy this big ass thread about me talking about my stupid guys i apologize again