#or is she being selfish to wish for personal wisdom? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dragon-ascent · 14 days ago

Note

Hey uh... *tugs at your shirt* my mother said that you can tell me about how Morax/Zhongli is mischaracterised with attributes from a western dragon and what attributes he'd actually have as an eastern dragon if it's fine with yours... (please say yes I love hearing people yap)

Tell your mother she brought you to the right place! Keep in mind I'm not the messiah of dragon mythology; but everything is nonetheless based on medium-levels of research & informal conversations with Chinese friends of mine. Still, feel free to take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Let's start with traits belonging to many Western dragons, which people tend to mistakenly attribute to Zhongli when it comes to his portrayal in fan work or even discourse:

Cruel & domineering: I see this a LOT especially with like, Morax/Rex Lapis portrayals where he's this arrogant man asserting his dominance over his nation (or even his partner!!!) in quite forceful ways, even taking human sacrifices in exchange for peace. Pls guys, he wishes not for dominion, but he cannot watch the common folk suffer. Also, there's a difference between being dominant and being domineering! Yes, he's established his dominance, but with absolutely no arrogance or cruelty.

Brutish: I know Venti seems to say that he's a blundering, brutish buffoon in his voicelines, but in CN he simply says the Geo lord is a blockhead who doesn't understand human emotion - which at the time is fair! Zhongli was still learning about the intricacies of humanity, learning while ruling. More importantly, there is no mention of him being a brute in the original line, and nothing in the in-game text pertaining to Liyue history supports the claim. So, if you see someone claim he doesn't care for humanity, kindly punt them on my behalf.

Self-centered: A pet peeve of mine, really. Although many Western dragons are seen as selfish and greedy, putting their wants above all, we see that Zhongli is the exact opposite. He puts his people before himself, always focusing on protecting the land, even if it means he will have to make choices that will hurt him, such as having to seal his close companion Azhdaha (and possibly even slaying Guizhong with his own hands, but that's another can of worms which I won't get into because canon has not touched upon this yet).

Now, there are some characteristics of Western dragons that can be applied to him since they're common traits in Eastern dragons as well:

Being unforgiving: Western ones might be more vicious in this regard, but it's mellowed into his duty as the God of Contracts. We know that there is no mercy for people who breach contracts, regardless of whether they are friend or foe. In this regard specifically, we can say that he is indeed unforgiving.

Cunning tactician: Yes! Zhongli is a master strategist, outwitting foes and coming out on top. Yes, we hear about his sheer strength warding off adversaries, but he also uses his wit to his advantage. You can read one such story of his in the teapot furnishing description for the item "Dainty Fists."

Now let me highlight some Eastern dragon traits, some of which are canon to Zhongli's personality, and some of which I feel should be more popular when it comes to creating fan content of our beloved Li:

Wise: Even at baseline, I think we can all tell that Zhongli is a wise and philosophical individual. His wisdom is the result of the accumulation of millennia galore, and most of his appearances in-game involve imparting valuable advice or knowledge to other people. Besides this, it's important to note that before his 'death,' he was responsible for carrying out administrative tasks for the nation (as mentioned by Keqing). He provided commercial & fiscal suggestions every year during the Rite of Descension based on his own observations throughout the year, analyzing the best way forward for the next year to ensure a thriving nation.

Possessive of art & knowledge: While Western dragons are often portrayed hoarding gold and other worldly things, Eastern dragons have an appreciation for art & literature, collecting precious stories and tasteful artifacts that reflect civilization's progress. This is something Zhongli does, too, purchasing wonderfully-crafted items made by the people he's nurtured for centuries, and listening to stories.

Love of humanity: Eastern dragons LOVE humankind, as opposed to their Western counterparts. They even transform into humans of different cultures to try and understand them firsthand. Zhongli is known to shapeshift - I hope to write some pieces soon where he briefly assimilates into other nations' cultures to get closer to them! But other than that, it's safe to say he's taken on various human forms within Liyue itself to get to know his people on a deeper, more personal level.

Bonding with the special someone: Now here's where I get a bit more self-indulgent. Eastern dragons, when they find a human they really really like, will introduce this lovely soul to their vast aforementioned collection of art. The dragon may like to share stories with this beloved person, and even calligraph new ones together. Zhongli loves telling stories of course, but just think how wonderful it would be to sit with him, brush in hand, as he tenderly guides you to create a narrative together on carefully-maintained parchment saved for this very occasion - perhaps outlining anecdotes of his, or even adventures of yours. Things he'd like to immortalize on paper. This sharing of art is a very special thing for dragons to do, so it's practically a once-in-a-millennium activity for them!

#sini answers #zhongli #this was long sorry #but this needed to be said #and i'm very glad u asked!#not looking to debate things but #if you'd like #feel free to agree or disagree with anything #or maybe add on. it's late and i typed this quickly

111 notes · View notes

sonicjustbecause · 22 days ago

Text

Shadow generation. Impression (from the videos).

Only about the story.

Actually I didn't play the game, I just watched the cutscenes. Maybe I will buy the game someday.

First - the non spoiler thing:

Shadow's story has few aim: being fun and having a compelling character to control. Nothing complicated. So, although nothing special, it is pleasant, simple and relaxing. Also for once Shadow is not tied on certain Sonic rules that don't allow for more than few actions. Is a character that can open several scenarios. Speed and agility might be the mandatory characteristics but he can potentially do many things Sonic can't.

Shadow himself is better than what he used to be the last decade. Is not perfect (but I'm a fan of Maekawa's Shadow as I stated more than once in previous posts), but finally is relatable again. Seeing emphasis on the Doom Powers in the preview, I excepted him being a super edgelord, even worse than the one in IDW comics and without flaws, instead we see him being vulnerable, suffering the side effects of not taking care of his well being and a interesting side about his personality that can teach one thing or two to Sonic.

The spoiler (characters):

Maria, how much we waited to know her.

We hear about her since 2001, we saw pictures of her over and over but we never knew who she was. She was this gostly, mysterious figure in Sonic adventure 2 (I was wondering: "How comes this innocent looking good girl wish for total destruction? Something is not right!"). For long people assumed she was pretty much a strong person, but we never knew for sure.

She is a young teenager. The way she thinks shows that she's not exactly a child. But she's still extremely spontaneous because she has no real life friends around telling her she must act like an adult. So she still jump when excited and has lots of childish characteristics normally at her age and maturity she would have outgrow.

Her only two friends on ARK are one literal child, and an alien/hedgehog with no social skills. They would not pressure her into acting proper because they know nothing.

Idealized? Maybe. But we are seeing the story through Shadow's eyes. That's the point.

Also, finally she doesn't look anymore like a vintage italian doll. First time I saw her I wondered who was the one who though at that, uh, not so great design.

Gerard

Hints from Sonic Adventure 2 suggested that Gerard and Shadow are very similar. But Gerard has on his side the wisdom that comes from age. Also, unlike Shadow, his way longer life experience has been varied, with both good and bad moments, shaping a more mature and less emotional personality.

We never knew what was the relationship between Shadow and Gerard. For now we learned the bads, Gerard getting mad and turning Shadow into a weapon, condemning him to a miserable life.

But, both the Maria and Gerard we see in SxS gen are from before the raid, so we see the fatherly side of Gerard. Surely when he created Shadow, he didn't consider him a living being. But then he learned to love him. He's rightfully his son after all, even if an artificial being.

I'm glad Gerard and Maria aren't Black Doom illusions who serve him but they're the real ones, and they truly help Shadow though this adventure. Clearly they understand what is going on, and even that in the future they will not be on Shadow's side. So they decided to help him as much as they can to make him taking the right decision.

Shadow

Now, I think I have a lot to say about Shadow, he is both the protagonist and the main character.

He showed us sides of his personality that were either hidden and/or forgotten for a long time. Knowing his story he gave me the impression he was just forced to grow against his will.

Maekawa's Shadow used to be balanced, surely stubborn/laser focused, very quiet but also mischievous, good hearted and capable to take care of his well being. But after Sonic 06 his personality was changed into a cold, selfish mean edgelord without remeding qualities, that was on the good side just because of his whims. That was what made him into a joke among fans and a hero only among (few) kids aged 15 and below.

But now we seems we are starting from the basis. Peraphs Shadow will one day be similar to what he used to be. His personality will not change overnight, that would be jarring, it will be gradual. I hope he will act more rationally and balanced from now and in the future.

The side effect of his lack of self care.

They started from his superhuman laser focus and his stubborness, traits that were especially underlined after Sonic 06:

What if this slowly takes a tool on his mind? From dark beginnings, we see that Shadow is at his limits. His focus start to fade, he gets distracted easily by both his own tiredness and outside distractions. Dangerously on breaking point since he can get on the verge of panic attacks. And he is very harsh toward himself. Not just 'focus' but also 'what are you doing? Stop daydreaming'. Seems the hard hearted father toward his son. The only reason he doesn't get slapped for not being a good boy is because he can't slap himself.

Family.

Though he is nowadays known to be a loner... I wasn't and I am not so sure about this trait. Introverted for sure but I remember him always surrounded by friends (still in smaller groups than Sonic) in Maekawa's stories. Rouge and Omega in Heroes and 06, Knuckles, Amy and Blaze in Black Knight. In Adventure 2 he was alone, but he was a good team worker.

He feels more like lonely. In SxS Gen he was so happy to have found his family again and so hopeful to have a second chance that he seemed quite in good mood with everybody. Rouge, Gerard and Maria were very kind toward him, but they also did want him being real, to prepare him to the outcome. A real family (Maria and Gerard) and a real friend (Rouge).

Now, that's might be my interpretation, but Shadow seemed to wanting to show his progresses to his family, maybe to hear their approvations. And he searched their advices, listening carefully, being a good boy for people that are way kinder toward him than himself.

And now the thing Sonic needs to learn from Shadow (perhaps also Shadow from himself). Shadow is capable to be open and sincere toward his family more than how Sonic is toward those that consider his family (Tails). Maybe Shadow is afraid to open up toward Rouge because of this, SxS Gen, Sonic Adventures, Heroes, 06 and Sonic Battle showed that contrary to popular beliefs, Shadow is quite bad at hiding his emotions. He might not cry but is behaviour pattern changes noticeably. And he doesn't seems that annoyed when Rouge lend him her voice when he is unable to speak.

Normal and upset.

Mmmh is OK, I was just a bit tired, you know, running around...

Shadow is surprising again.

Well when you see a face like this:

What do you think the outcome would be?

The first surprise was discovering he was way more chill than what his face suggest. It is always a welcome feeling when a character surprises you in one or more ways. I'm always on the edge when I see Shadow approaching somebody or being approached in the game. And then, he just acts normally.

Though this is logical and excepted, no, this is not Shadow.

Compassion was the thing that saved him originally. And then this trait was removed. Now he is compassionate again.

David Humphrey on what he was told about Shadow when he worked to SA2. You can see the interview with him and Scott Dreier on YT.

It should be underlined that Shadow doesn't know yet who the girl is.

Better to avoid to compare with IDW or Sonic Team Racing, when he doesn't save Rouge and Tails and when he even steal popcorn from a chao.

Doom Powers

They are helpful in game, but what I focus on is how Shadow is always in pain, maybe even afraid everytime he gets a new power. The 'NO!' plead was in Italian too. Another thing is the colour distortion when he gets seemily possessed by Black Doom.

In another videogame I used to play (Saints Row 3 and 4) the same colour distortion was there when the character was high.

So I associate that efect with altered consciousness.

Shadow's body language and expressions...

I did noticed he was very expressive in the trailer. But so he was the whole game. He communicates/emotes through both his face and his body. With the player and with the NPCs around. If his personality keeps improving and he will be back to the Shadow we all loved, and maybe they will keep that friendly attitude toward the player, baybe making a Shadow games not every year, but occasinally when they have a good story, he will be super fun to play.

#shadow the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #shadow #sonic x shadow generations spoilers

21 notes · View notes

shini--chan · 1 year ago

Text

Yandere Character Sheet

Did anybody ask for Overhaul? No! Are you still getting him because I am in a phase? Yes!

Overhaul - Kai Chisaki

Trigger warnings for: emotional/psychological manipulation and abuse, kidnapping, coercion, character death, white/grey torture, mindbreak, objectification, neglect, human experimentation and yandere tendencies.

Attributes - What sort of Yandere is he/she?

Overhaul is an absolutely strict yandere. That is more or less a given considering his overall personality. He is controlling to a fault because he just has to be. If he can’t rest assured that you’ll follow his every order to the letter, treat his every wish as a command. He has a certain vision in mind when it comes to you, a role that you must seamlessly fit into, and he won’t settle for anything less. Therefore, there are schedules that you have to adhere to, and rules that must be minded. While you might think that Chisaki’s word is law and that he would direct you as he pleases, the fact is, that he loves to play mental games with you. After all, don’t humans learn best through play?

He will want you to reach conclusions on your own. You are smart, so, over time you should realise that he only has your best intentions at heart. Besides how tiring it would be for him to spoon feed you all the lessons and pieces of wisdom he desires you to know, having to “obtain the knowledge yourself” has the side effect that you don’t fight him as viciously. In a way, he’ll tame you like a circus trainer does a dolphin. And once you know on which axis Overhaul’s little world spins, then he’ll fully expect you to adhere to the “laws of nature” that exist within. In some ways, it is what he does to keep Eri in line.

On the same note, he is also prone to guilt tripping and gaslighting you when you step out of line. He does so much to take care of you after all - he keeps you healthy and safe and clean. Kai refrains from using his quirk on you in hurtful ways and doesn’t engage in physical abuse when it comes to you. If anything, you’re a pampered princess, so stop being so selfish and cause him to dirty his hands, okay? In short, he is absolutely manipulative.

Of course tying into the two characteristics above is his obsession with cleanliness and health, that you’ll also be subjected to. He is the sort to nag and demonstrate to you how to properly wash your hands, how you should brush your teeth and other matters in that vein. In the beginning, you’ll be subjected to extensive physical and psychological evaluations so that he can tailor make the perfect diet plan and determine how to best deal with any health issues that you have. But besides that, it’ll also have the purpose of him gathering information on how far he can push you.

Towards you, he is oh so condescending and patronising. Often, he'll point to your previous lifestyle as proof that you can't take care of yourself properly and need somebody smarter and more disciplined to help you. Additionally, in comparison to him, you just have meagre ambitions and don't utilise all your gifts to their full potential. While you might realise that the world and society is running on the wrong track, you still didn't comprehend just how deep the rot sits until he enlightened you. So just accept that he is your better.

Possessive. Full stop. To Chisaki, you are an unrefined diamond when you fall into his talented hands, and it is his job to cut and shape you into a work of art. Since the end product is essentially his creation, only he has the right to possess you and decide what becomes of you. Ironically, the more you except this fact as a law of nature the more freedoms you'll have - once he is sure that you know your place, he can be confident that you'll reject anybody trying to "rescue" you. Until then, he'll keep you far away from anybody that could sully your mind and body.

Besides, you are one of the very few things that put him at ease. All his life has been dedicated to the service of others, be it the Shie Haissakai or society in general, even if they don't wholly appreciate his efforts. You have been added to that number, but that doesn't mean that he is without selfish motives. Not that he feels guilty - after everything he has done, doesn't he deserve to indulge in his own wishes and desires? And if it is moulding a person to his wishes and keeping them as his, who is to begrudge him that?

Unlucky for him, despite being possessive of you, to him you are not just some possession that he can put on a self and forget about. No, you have awaked feelings in him and he finds himself so deeply attached to you. He wants you to return his feelings, if only so that you get a taste of the suffering you've inflicted onto him. If he is becoming an emotionally controlled freak that yearns for your love and affection and approval, then you should take the fall with him.

Nevertheless, it is contrasted by the part of him that is ruthless and cold. He has to be, to protect you and ensure you become the epitome of perfection. In a way, he has always been like that - unable to simply wear his heart on his sleeve, guarded and reserved and even stoic, except for the irritation that neigh constantly oozes off of him. As such, he won’t allow you to pull on his heartstrings much at all. Allowing you to so shamelessly manipulate him would also mean giving up control and he is having none of that.

Cornering - How would they get you?

Either through coercion or kidnapping.

Perhaps you are a test subject that he picks up and develops feelings for overtime, a client or employee he discovers he wants to spend more time with or a person he meets through organic circumstances that he doesn't find as revolting as all the other people. While logically, he knows that the best course of action would be to woo you and then squirrel you away, he is a bit impatient when it comes to you.

Besides, the best way to break old habits so that they can give way to new ones is to make a person go through a severe life changing event. On those grounds, Kai reasons that being a bit more forceful with will, in the end, bring about the positive outcomes he desires faster and more efficiently.

In the case of you being an employee or a client, it makes matters so very easy. Just who will you go to, to prattle on about his misdeeds? The police? A hero agency? Darling, you are already in too deep to escape unscathed should you do something as foolhardy as that. Not to mention that he has his own eyes and ears in the places that matter, and when he catches wind of your traitorous behaviour, expect retribution. Though, he might even thank you for doing such a thing, since it would give him the perfect excuse to make you disappear from the public eye forever. Everybody that knows you would think that your body is at the bottom of some lake with weights around your feet, not in the basement of some yakuza head.

In the case of you being a test subject that he snagged off the street or tricked into being one through a legitimately appearing medical programme, things would go relatively “smooth”. Smooth as in that Kai would slowly demonstrate his feelings to you. However, you would still be his captive during the whole process and he wouldn’t tell you that he has developed a soft spot for you (at least not outright) so the whole ordeal would be beyond nerve wrecking.

And if you are some free soul that he meets by chance? There are still skeletons in your closet, shadows of your past haunting you and people and things you care about. All this can be used against you. While he might not be able to use all the resources he desires for that task, having to keep the limitations of the Hassakai in mind, Kai is nothing but innovative and opportunistic. He might very well shame you into jumping into his arms.

Expectations - What do they expect of you?

nterestingly enough, I personally don’t see being quirkless as being a requirement to catching Overhaul’s eye. In his mind, Hero/Villain Syndrome is more a sickness of the mind, either having its root or being exacerbated by the quirk a particular person has. So, the first and foremost requirement would be to not have Hero/Villain Syndrome. There would be exceptions to this rule, when you would be deeply rooted in this “psychological issue” but he just sees such potential in you that he isn’t able to let you be.

That would also be the main point for Chisaki - he sees who you could be, the utter health and perfection you could embody and will do anything to help you reach that. Your will only matters insofar as the path he must take to help you reach that end state, other than that, your quibbles and protests don’t matter. After all, he knows what is best. Your protests and fighting back would be annoying, so you would do best to let them be. If you wouldn’t then he would just have to train them out of you.

If anything, what would really catch his eye would be if you are able to maintain a level head under pressure. In the case that he would kidnap you, you spitting vitriol and begging and screaming that he is a monster would only get on his nerves. However, you assessing the situation, and asking careful questions on what he could possibly need you for, and if he really had to have you stuffed in a car while walking home, would enrapture him. It is the actions that set you apart from the common footfolk that would draw him to you, like a moth to a flame.

Being the head of the yakuza, and a very ambitious head at that, requires him to run through every possible scenario and consider everything that may factor into past, present and future. Operating on such a high mental level means he has little tolerance for stupidity in others, and if you don’t want to be treated like a dainty china doll with no will of their own, then you better be intelligent yourself. Of course, Chisaki knows that being smart doesn’t automatically mean that you’re right - if anything, it means that you are able to entrench yourself in and justify your delusions (your world view) all the more rabidly. However, he isn't the sort to shy away from debate; if anything, he revels in it. It is an opportunity to learn what makes you tick, to bond with you, and even to show you the light (his world view)

What would make him believe he has struck gold would be if you understand his world view. He knows that his outlook is rather unique, especially since it is heavily coloured by his germophobia. Though to have somebody that can follow his thought patterns without making clumsy mistakes due to misconceptions or self-righteousness, somebody who he would discuss everything that is wrong with the world - that is balm to his soul.

Looking at him, it is also pretty obvious that he requires you to be tidy and clean. He will not outright demand you scrub every surface with cleaning alcohol and shower three times a day. Though, your life will be significantly easier if you are tidy to begin with. Remember, that a happy Kai means a happy life, and there are a few things that irritate him more than disorder.

If anything, it is highly likely that he'll fall for you if you work in one of those professions that place a lot of value on personal hygiene, like surgery or pharma or research. Besides the good hygiene, he would then expect to be able to connect with you based on shared interests. And that he won't have to teach you trivial things, like how to properly wash your hands, since you will just be able to fall back on the old patterns that you would know from work/university.

What is also valued is patience. You see, Overhaul has more or less grown used to keeping people at least at arm's length. Even with Pops and Hari there is a sort of emotional distance, a serious tone that excludes overall warmth. Aside from what has been mentioned above, he is just so unaccostumed to thinking in modes and ways that don't pertain to utter ruthlessness and logic, that having to consider his own emotions and the ways they affect him would leave him floundering. Of course, he would do his best to conceal it, ever putting up a self-confident front. But there would still be moments where is awkward, or abruptly stands up and flees the scene. In order to gain more control over himself, he will try to dissociate from his emotions. But until he has regained his equilibrium, be forgiving of his mistakes, ok?

Of course, there is also obedience. While in the beginning he'll be understanding because it is a frightening and absurd situation he has put you in, he'll expect you to learn fast. After all, he knows what is best for you and he doesn't deal well with resistance. He won't hesitate to list off all your flaws and past mistakes, pointing out your lifestyle errors in excruciating detail should you become snappy with him. If push really comes to shove and you don't even bend when punished, then he'll see no other option than to brainwash you.

Tied in with the two aforementioned qualities is also sincerity. Like with many other things, Kai will be more understanding of fibs and lies in the beginning, since you are still new to each other and there are some matters that are embarrassing or stigmatised that you just don't want to be frank about in the beginning. Though as time passes, he'll expect you to learn to be utterly sincere. After all, he is a yakuza boss and lying and dishonesty are part and parcel to that line of work. And it is exactly because of that, that he outright demands sincerity from you. You are his and he is entitled to know all your secrets and everything that goes through your head. Additionally, how is he supposed to have complete control over you when you are concealing things from him?

Faded - Would they let go of you in any way?

The short answer is no. The long answer has a few loopholes that you could slip through.

Kai has many goals, ones that are also very important to him. No matter how much you either crave his attention or not, he won't abandon them because of you. Therefore, should one of his "projects" demand his utmost attention or be endangered due to the heroes closing in, he might temporarily let you go. But watch out! As soon as the dust settles, he'll retrieve you from wherever you thought you could hide from him.

Other than that, he is far too attached to you to ever entertain that idea.

Punishment - How would they proceed if you do something they disapprove of?

In the beginning, Overhaul is more understanding of your misgivings. He knows that he has put you in a stressful and strange situation, you are bound to be hysterical and not listen properly. Now, understanding doesn’t mean being lenient. For transgressions, you’ll be punished. At first, it’ll just be scoldings and him verbally tearing you apart, though if you persist, then they will become more extreme. Physical abuse is completely out of the question for him and he’ll never raise his voice in anger. The punishments you’ll be put through will be far more methodical.

Like locking you in an all white room, depriving you of one of your senses temporarily (something that is very easy to achieve thanks to his quirk) or taking away forms of entertainment. If need be, he can leave you solitude for days with him observing how you slowly lose your mind over a system of cameras. He could deprive you of your hearing or eyesight, while leaving the nerve endings in the brain intact, leading to you having hallucinations.

Or inject you with drugs that make it feel like ants are crawling under your skin. On the flip side of sensory deprivation, he would also happily inflict sensory overstimulation onto you should you step out of line. You should inhale or be injected with something that makes every light touch feel like sandpaper and every whisper like a booming shout. You’ll taste colours and smell emotions to the point where normal vertigo feels like a holiday in paradise.

Though, those are just some of the more extreme punishments. Usually, you’ll get scolded, as mentioned above, or deprived of entertainment and privileges. One day after giving him the cold shoulder as much as possible, you’ll enter your room after a hot shower only to discover that all your books are gone. After refusing to eat, he’ll solemnly inform you that you’ll be strapped to a hospital bed and fed intravenously.

If you behave like a brat, then he’ll also treat you as one. Really, classic old school punishments will be the closest he’ll ever come to being physically abusive - he’ll make you kneel on uncooked rice grains or frozen peas, having to look into a fire of spicy chills or standing in a corner while holding a book over your head until he says you can stop.

Generally, punishments will be lighter in the beginning and the more time passes and the closer you two grow together, the harsher they’ll become. This is because what irritates Kai the most isn’t toeing out of line, but you “relapsing” or going against the rules when you already can recite them in your sleep. Though there is one exception to this - killing people in your name. He will kill somebody, a low level grunt that displeased him and is going to die anyway and then say you forced his hand.

Reaction - How would they react to you escaping?

There are two options here.

The first is the following: Him leisurely walking after you, anticipating all your moves and finally managing to corner you, either physically or by threatening bystanders. That is because you didn’t really escape, and instead he is just playing cat and mouse with you. Because while all his guards and systems and the labyrinthine nature of the underground base will make it extremely difficult to escape, you’ll nevertheless look for an opening and fantasise about running away. What better way than to crush those dreams than by demonstrating that no matter how far you run, you’ll always end up back in his arms. So, he’ll provide you with an opening, let you escape so that he can retrieve you and shatter those hopes. Though, you’ll be punished for not proving your loyalty all the same.

Then there is the second one of you really escaping without it somehow being intended by Kai. It is something that would drive him into a frenzy, but he would do his best to conceal it. Nevertheless, he would be far more irritable, prone to lashing out and overhauling his goons. As such, his men would do their best to fetch you. It wouldn’t be difficult for them to put two and two together and figure out that you put the Young Head at ease, so it is their best interest to return you to your owner as soon as possible.

On that note, the saying “Happy wife, happy life” also applies to Kai Chisaki, so you might even have instances where people that hate Kai or even hate you slip you a note or plead with you face to face to just behave and not making everybody’s life in the Hassikai difficult by putting the Boss in a bad mood. In the interest of the Eight Precepts, Mimic and Chrono (they are the only other people that Kai lets closer to you than five metres), do so doubly, because they would tire quickly of playing messenger boys to the lower ranking members.

Back on track. If you earnestly manage to escape then the base would be in a frenzy - reconstructing how you escaped and looking for clues on where you might have gone. Phone calls will be made and orders given as Kai pulls some strings to ensure you are back in his arms as soon as possible. After all, the further you run and the more people you wrap in your little escapade, the more complicated things get - he doesn’t want to have all his hard work undone. The Shie Hassaikai have bases in all major Japanese cities and ears and eyes where it counts. Should you be away longer, he’ll keep his ear on the ground, listening for the slightest hint as to where you’ve gone.

And once he has you back in his vice grip, you have to pay. Perhaps somebody loses their life or you have to undergo some of the other more brutal punishments. But before that, you’ll be cleaned thoroughly. Overhaul won’t shy away from pumping your stomach empty if you have eaten unhealthy foods, and then washing your mouth with soap. In extreme cases, he might even just give you a penicillin shot without further ado and shave off all your hair.

Turnabout - Scenario: You have the upper hand? What would be different from their usual MO?

Let’s take two case situations - in one he doesn’t have his arms, and in the other, he has.

As to armless Kai - he is numb due to his entire world having been torn down. He only has you know and god, is he desperate. Of course, in spite of what has happened, he still has his pride. Due to all he has done for you, he’ll demand you repay him. He’ll be erratic, especially if he just recently escaped Tartarus. With his mind in jumbles but still so desperate for human connection, he is putty in your hands. Though there are still some red lines. They took away his arms, not his tongue and he’ll do his best to remind you he can still give you a verbal lashing when you misbehave.

In the case he has his arms, matters are a bit different. He’ll be more disgruntled and less needy. Maybe you are in charge due to you hiding him or maybe he needs money from you but can’t put you under his thumb in the process. He criticises every other thing you do, and does his best to worm his way into any cracks your shields may have. The more annoyed he is, the less subtle these attempts are. That being said, do be careful, for every moment that you are in control and he isn’t, is another moment where the natural order of your relationship has been upset.

Vengeance - What would they do in the face of competition?

Hellfire and brimstone, or better said, his most gruesome abilities. You are his, you are his possession, his lover, his little pure doll that he wants to play with to his heart's content. As such, nobody but him is allowed to touch you. He is self-conscious to a degree - he isn’t the most social or personable man and his germophobia combined with his line of work and worldview can be off-putting to many. There are many people that you would get along with better, that would be nicer to you and give you what you want out of life.

But what you want is not what you need, and you need him above all else. So he’ll have to teach you that you’re his and all the people around you that you are taken and not to be touched. If you have any romantic or, god forbid, bed mates, then he would make quick work of them. Of course, he doesn’t want you to be too traumatised, so if he doesn’t separate you by kidnapping or something similar, then he’ll cook up evidence and a story that will lead to a break-up. Then you would be vulnerable and available and ripe for the picking. However, if he is feeling particularly petty, then he’ll kidnap your lover right along with you, and subject them to a few rounds a torture before they become pig food.

Should the man that arouses jealousy be one of his underlings, then somebody is in for a long night. It could be one of the guards becoming a little too chummy or a Precept that is just a little too cocky. Overhaul will be colder to everybody in his vicinity, even to you, since how dare you be so sweet and charming and perfect to somebody that isn’t him? Either way, the offender will be disassembled and reassembled a few times.

Though because Chisaki is a possessive, manipulative freak when it comes to you, other people will also fall victim to his jealousy and wrath. Misunderstandings lead to lives being ruined when it comes to Kai Chisaki. The cause could be you being too friendly to a visitor, offering comfort to one of the guards or something in that vein. Regardless, it wouldn’t be enough to completely arouse his bloodlust, or maybe killing somebody that is still in the public eye would have repercussions that Kai doesn't want to deal with. Therefore, he’ll dig up all the sins they committed, ruin their reputations or set up events that lead to their social death.

And if somebody dares hide you from him. There will be psychological torture is store for them, stuff worse than the stuff he’ll ever put you through. The filth that tried to keep you from him would also make for good test subjects, and will make you watch as he experiments on them. It would be all your fault, and all of this wouldn’t have to happen if you behave and obey him and accept your place at his side.

Art is not mine: from Kohei Horikoshi, Irina Vinnik and other artists

#yandere bnha #yandere mha #yandere overhaul #yandere kai chisaki #yandere character sheet #x reader #yandere

136 notes · View notes

stutee · 1 year ago

Text

Thoughts while and after watching The Crown Season 6 part 1 -

1. As the crown was and is about the Queen(now Late Queen), this season made me dislike her character more. Claire Foy's character was, if not sympathetic, at least helped us in humanising her as a young woman who did not like the spotlight but had to become one of the important people in the world. With Olivia Coleman's queen, her coldness grew. And Imelda Staunton strengthened her position as the cold mechanical Queen. Still won't deny that she had some sort of charm that made people like her or at least be intrigued about her but other than that, there is nothing

2. Season 3's Charles deserved sympathy. He had so much potential to do something but was constantly shut down and beaten until he lost that battle and ended up being ruthless. But if at one side you wish to show the utter heartlessness with which he and others treated Diana, then how can you show Charles as someone who needs to be sympathised and felt sorry for. Sure as any other human he deserved happiness but on the cost of what? This whole thing with Diana was a huge chain of events that resulted in this. There are articles which wrote that in a better way on how if at one side the crown shows him as the selfish husband, on another side it shows his political/royal campaigns as an attempt to show that he is not entirely a bad person?

3. Which brings us to here, the Ghost of Diana. That was terrible. If that all, we were supposed to have Diana's spirit visiting someone it should be only and only her sons. Some article or someone here wrote how it would be better if Diana haunted the Queen and Charles provoking feelings of regret and guilt rather than a learning and a redemption arc. But out of all the people she went to comfort and impart wisdom to the two people who were the most responsible for her pain.

4. Showing Diana as reckless and seeking attention was a terrible move again. Okay maybe they showed how the royals perceived her but the writing was also aimed at showing how she was also not without her faults and even going to the extent of showing Charles as the bigger person.

5. What's interesting is seeing the growth of Prince Philip. From someone who valued his freedom and independent thinking to becoming one with the royals. Sure if we see from Season 1 and 2's perspective of the husband he was, this is better in how Elizabeth and Philip have now become partners. He advises her and supports her and even fights for her(season 5) but now he is just another royal. Telling her how she should not go to London to offer her regards to Diana's funeral. In real life he is known for weird racist remarks which obviously weren't shown here and yes he wasn't any better either way. But still, he eventually became the Prince of windsor from just Philip.

6. There is obviously a grey area where one finds themselves standing, when we see a personal tragedy depicted in a fictional series. Sure Diana was the people's princess and a public figure but somewhere it felt slightly strange witnessing the whole thing. I can't name or describe the strangeness but well it was there.

7. Last and not the least, there is this one thing that I conclude every season i complete, that is, the royals are utterly useless. Now I get that you are all from a large history and it is nice to keep your traditions and cultures alive but not growing or staying stuck to it even after the world outside was changing rapidly? Saying the same old scripted speeches when the common people were desperate for food and better living conditions is terrible. I am not saying to abolish the monarchy, I mean yeah that would be great but sure if you wish to keep that culture but why the pomp and show and treating them as invincible and even funding them. Why can't they have normal jobs? Sure some royals lead pretty normal lives, so why can't they just be normal? Why on earth do they still feel so superior and God like even in the 21st century? The recent events of King Charles lll speaking of poor living conditions sitting on a throne of jewels. That's such a poor taste and being so ignorant of basic things.

I have always loved the cinematography and acting of this series. No wonder it won awards. And while some of it remains in the final seasons, it lacks the same charm of the initial seasons.

Waiting for part 2 to see how this series concludes.

#the crown netlfix #the crown review #the crown season 6

22 notes · View notes

razorblade180 · 2 years ago

Text

Purpose and Promise

Scara:*holding vision*…Beur, may I ask a request?

Nahida:A request from me? What is it?

Scara:May I be your second Sage?

Nahida:*eyes widen* I don’t really think that’s necessary-

Scara:*kneels and lowers head* Please….

Nahida:….Is validation of your worth from an Archon truly that precious to you?

Scara:No. It has nothing to do with what you are. It’s just… if you’re the one saying I’m progressing well, being better, then I know it must be true.

Nahida:You trust my judgment that much?

Scara:Yes.

Nahida:If that’s the case…

She walks closer to him, grabbing each side of his face and raising his head to greet him with a warm smile.

Nahida:Trust me when I say you don’t need to be a Sage by my side for what you want. I can be your friend instead.

Scara:My friend?

Nahida:I’ll admit, you’ve seen a vast amount of the world. Sights I could only imagine; invaluable knowledge worthy of a sage. But in my opinion and admittedly, my own selfish curiosity, I think it would do wonders for you to wander the world again with your new found perspective that’s developing. Much like how a new lens on a Kamera, what you’ve seen before is bound to be different to you. I’d love to know what that looks like.

Scara:Is that right? Well isn’t someone getting a little greedy? *smirks*

Nahida:It’s only natural for the God of Wisdom to know as much as possible. I did say it was a little selfish. However, it’s also a wonderful excuse to visit you in your dreams, or make you feel less embarrassed if you ever feel like coming back to visit me.

Scara: *red* I don’t see what I’d be embarrassed about. If I’m around then I’m around.

Nahida:Hehe, of course. Spread your wings far and wide; see all you can. A Sage must be wise after all. Far from now, if you still wish it, there will be a spot saved for you.

Scara:Ah, so come back when I’m more interesting?

Nahida:I said I’d be visiting you and you can see me whenever! Besides, when aren’t you interesting?

Scara:Hmph, fair enough. *stands up* But if I’m going through all this, then prepare to humor another request.

Nahida:Oh?

Scara:Talking becomes so tiring, and no way would I remember everything perfectly. So if I’m going through the hassle of seeing this world for both my sake and your curiosity, be prepared for a journey. Might as well put the knowledge to use and personally show the world when I’m done.

Nahida:….*smiles* How devious, offering a gift like that in front of me. I’m gonna hold you to that.

Scara:I know I know. Well…see you around, Buer.

He flies off with a wave, not looking back. Nahida feels a sense of hope, despite the twinge of sadness. She was actually going to miss him but far be it from her to be too selfish by keeping him around when the world had so much to offer both of them. For now the wind should carry him further than she can go. She can wait for the next breeze.

xxxxx

Days came and went with seasons again and again. All of them different and beautiful in their own way. Another beautiful night in Sumeru was observed by a stronger, wiser, God of Wisdom than the day before and even the day before that. Gentle she sat in her windowsill with legs stretched as far it allowed. Perhaps it was time to find a bigger spot? Not even her old friend Cyno would dare take watch here.

As Nahida turned around began to get down, a gentle breeze caught her long white and green hair and let it flow. The light from outside was slowly blocked by shadow behind her.

“Well look who grew like a weed?”

Gentley, she smiled and turned around to see the world before her.

“Hello my Sage. What took you so long?”

#genshin impact #nahida #scaramouche #gi wanderer #this wasn’t supposed to be romantic but oops #he can show her a whole new world but little did he know she found her world in him and-#aaahhhh #do not give me characters that can actually wait lifetimes! It’s too strong!#she is taller than him now #genshin ships #scarahida

130 notes · View notes

insipid-drivel · 21 days ago

Text

I can finally say I don't want to die. I really don't.

Death is an easy thing to wish for when you've endured too much pain to bear alone. Death is sort of like the catch-all desire that comes from desperate times.

But really, wanting death can really be a way of hiding the true identity of what you really do want from yourself in a way that makes loudly, desperately, screamingly wishing for it feel less selfish. In a weird way, it both serves as the ultimate self-denial, while also being the ultimate desire for everything we've been to afraid to admit we need.

I've been having a rough few days, and so I need to say it somewhere:

I want to be loved. I want to be loved in a way that matters.

I don't need sex. I don't need romance. I don't need monogamy. I don't need vows, candles, bells, or rings.

I just need a friend. I need to be a friend. Ideally, someone that can be a housemate, because I live in a house with a spare bedroom and extra bathroom and am lonely as absolute hell with just my mom around and our pets. My mom is a lovely person, but she's almost 70, and busy most of the time.

I need the kind of companionship where the person who happens to share my home with me can handle the ferocity with which I love them for choosing to stick around.

I need you to stay with me; to let me tell you I don't want your rent. To see you hear me tell you that your companionship means so much to me that I don't need money to justify having you as a housemate. I need you to use the kitchen to make your coffee. I need your orange peels in the trash bin. I need you to lament that the only thing you did today was run the dishwasher so I can cheer, "At least someone remembered to!" and we can both smile at our shared uselessness. I need you to tease me when you noticed my trashcan almost overflowing so it reminds me, oh yeah, I forgot to take the trash out and that's okay and we can laugh it off together.

I would give my life to protect you and keep you safe, if only you would suffer the burdens of some tears on your shirt and an awkward request to sit and listen to you play video games.

I would insist you use my wheelchair if you hurt your foot, because I'm still ambulatory, and I want to see you smile at how fun wheeling around can be instead of limping.

I want you to see how much stability and comfort it brings me just to hear you living your daily life around me. I want you to feel a warmth in your chest on your way home from a part-time job knowing that no matter how I'm doing when you get home, seeing you come back will automatically make things better, no matter how bad they may be. The simple sound of you taking off your coat and settling in your favorite spot to relax and unwind makes me relax, too.

I want you to be suspicious at the look on my face you've noticed for the past couple of days that's had you cautiously alert, only to find a plushie on your desk I sent away for because you mentioned you loved those pink and yellow fuzzy moths you've seen on tumblr when you were high on pain meds after you got your wisdom teeth out, and not even you remember babbling about that.

I want you to infodump to me about your favorite subjects while you're petting and playing with my ridiculous dogs and my fuzzy, weird cat.

I need someone to wake up to after I get my bottom surgery in the hospital. I want you to pester me about if I remembered to take my post-op pain meds. I want you to laugh at the way I always wind up rubbing the end of my nose raw because those kinds of meds make my nose tickle.

I need you to let me look after you when you're feeling ill or down. Let me bring you some soup and crackers. Let me bring you your cold medicine so you don't have to remember when to take it. Let me hold your hand when we're waiting in the doctor's office because you hate going to the doctor almost as much as I do. If you menstruate and have really bad cramps your doctor doesn't take seriously, let me slip you half a dose of vicodin and a discount variety bag of Halloween candy and put on your favorite comfort shows.

I just need someone in my life to show how awesome a friend I can be.

#personal

4 notes · View notes

fictionkinfessions · 1 month ago

Note

To Gabrielle.

Would you still rather I call you Gabrielle, Maman? I don’t know anymore. Everything was so complicated. I don’t know if I’ve forgiven you for leaving me. I could never be angry with you, though. You are the first person I loved. The one who taught me to love so wholly and fervently.

You came back for me. I didn’t think you would, in truth. I was convinced you were lost to me forever, lost in the Savage Garden and buried underneath the earth you loved so. You loved the wilderness more than me, sometimes, but can I truly blame you? You who spent your life as nursemaid and raising children of whom only one gave that love back. Married to a man who beat the son you loved and never brought you to the wonderful places you missed from your youth. Yet still you came back. To protect me. Because at the end of it all you could not see me destroyed. Which love compelled that from you, do you think? We shared so many by the end. It doesn’t matter, truthfully. Knowing that you still loved me enough to come for me was enough.

I hope your time in the wilderness was what you dreamed it was. Burying yourself. The freedom of the hunt, and the wisdom of the world as it was. I couldn’t hear you from that far away, but I hope you would tell me of it. Were you free to discover that you were something other than what your life made you? I would not have been surprised if you had returned a man, genderless, some other gender presentation, or something without a name yet. You were never really a woman, not since I gave you the blood of Magnus. You were more beautiful for it, but I still cannot bring myself to use anything other than the name Gabrielle or the pronouns she/her for you. Forgive your fallible son, Maman. You are my mother even if you lost all else in finding yourself. We created each other, you and I.

I would never go back to my childhood home, but I would go back for our conversation. The way you held me, or spoke to me in a way Father and the others never did. I would have apologized to you for all the labor you suffered on behalf of children dead or who did not love you. I fall into the former category, of course. I wanted to give you the world. It’s why I promised to cut your hair every night if you wished. Why I bought you fine things you didn’t want. Took you to cities you couldn’t wait to evacuate.

This is a letter I can’t truly send to you because I don’t know where you are. Isn’t it funny how things repeat? Once again, you are beyond my reach. Once again, no matter how I call you, no matter how far I go, I might never even have a hint of you being there. I hope that we are reunited, in that selfish part of me that wishes for things that were. I won’t want to recreate everything we had, for a number of reasons, but just to hold your hand and speak with you plainly would bring me joy. To tell you what I read and to hear what about the world brings you joy would fulfill me more than anyone can ever know.

Your child, your maker, your love, and ever yours,

Lestat de Lioncourt (#🌿🏹🩸)

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #🌿🏹🩸#lestatdelioncourtkin #iwtvkin #memories issue #canoning issue #domestic abuse cw #prevabuse #mod party cat

4 notes · View notes

shehasbpd · 1 month ago

Text

thoughts. my bipolar mixed episodes and her bpd. nothing new, just writing it all down again.

when I went through my mixed episodes as someone with bipolar-I, life did not feel at all real. and it always felt scary, one way or another. as a mood disorder, it comes it at number 1 for the rate of __ (you can probably guess).

in the manic phases I was floating high above the world with a remarkable grin on my face, spending money like I had billions in my bank account, making moves on too many women at work with no regard to the power dynamic of me being in a position of authority with them, not giving a fuck when speaking with law enforcement or my boss. in the depressive phase I was at the bottom of the deep well of despondency, feeling like there was never to be any way to climb back up, and feeling so desperate that there was no other option than to beg my way out of this life, curled up, tears pouring down, fingernails scratching the floor. and sometimes it was both—haunting despair and reckless confidence, all at once; a perilous mix where I felt powerful enough to actually end things. I ended up in in-patient care six times, once for a period of four weeks; I was in there on christmas day.

now it sometimes feels like i'm on the other side of things. stable? I'd say mostly, though feelings are always there, just shuffled to the background. I can manage it through self-care, removing myself from the chaos of normal life. medication has helped tremendously. I'm on a mix of mood stabilizers, uppers, and downers—lamotrigine, bupropion, prozac, xanax, risperidone, gabapentin, as well as some supplements. I deal with unpleasant side effects of the medications, but at least they provide some relief. (I also underwent 39 ect treatments, which I'd never recommend to worst enemy; I'm not sure of the effectiveness for bipolar; it fucked up parts of my life.)

and so, being with someone who deals with borderline personality disorder brings up so much for me. I need to feel endless compassion for them, for their sake and mine. every day is similar to those swings that I would experience over months. rates of __ are even higher than with bipolar, which terrifies me (bpd is classified differently as it's not a mood disorder). i can't imagine feeling out of touch with reality 24/7, overly intense emotions snapping back and forth on an itchy trigger, sometimes misfires with no touch of that trigger at all, sure that no interpersonal relationships could ever work because of the prevailing babel (a new word that I just learned, meaning 'a scene of noise or confusion'; it's also the name of a book she recommended to me that I'm about to start).

i want to say that i can relate, but there's still no way that i properly can—i feel selfish, having at least partial relief thanks to medication. there are no medications for bpd. she chases dopamine or release through impulsive and risky behaviour when feeling empty, when feeling void; the sex and the speeding and the alcohol and the pills torment me. other than that, I suppose distracting herself with books might help somewhat—she's constantly reading, but the intrusive thoughts hover anyway. she relives past trauma of abuse as a child and as a teenager, and i'm sure that every minute of life feels like new trauma. how often are there moments of true joy? does therapy help? over the long-term perhaps, but i can imagine that it's rare to receive adequate treatment on that front.

despite all of my struggles with bipolar, I would never wish to switch places with someone with bpd, living with that daily hell. maybe my experiences help me with being compassionate; maybe it's emotional maturity through my own therapies; maybe it's the wisdom of age. I just wish the compassion was enough to provide some help.

#tw sui ideation #tw sui talk #tw sui attempt #actually bipolar #actually mentally ill #borderline personality disorder relationships #bpd #borderline #bpd relationships #borderline relationship #actually borderline #borderline partner #bpd partner #borderline personality disorder #sactually bpd

2 notes · View notes

hellsbellschime · 1 year ago

Text

So I'm really at the end of my rope, bitching and moaning under the cut

So for those of you who haven't been around since the stone age or just aren't in the know, my mom is bipolar. Her doctors in their infinite wisdom decided to test taking her off lithium, and shock of all shockers she is now manic as fuck. Like I just got an email from my landlords threatening possible eviction if her erratic behavior doesn't stop even though we haven't even been here for six months level manic.

So, given that she's literally mentally ill and is a selfish, manipulative, uncaring asshole even when she's medicated, she took my brand new car (it literally doesn't even have 1k miles on it yet) probably like 17 hours ago at this point (I have a time-stamped DM about it from like 13 hours ago), did something to damage it enough to need one of the tires replaced (and she says it's fine but somehow doubting it) EARLY YESTERDAY AFTERNOON and she still hasn't come home. I have called repeatedly, she has occasionally answered, and even giving her the biggest benefit of the doubt in the world it should have taken her about 20 minutes to get home when I called two hours ago.

Honestly my level of stress is just unreal, not only has she managed to abscond with and fuck up the most valuable thing I have ever owned in my life that is brand new and was a pretty huge thing for me to even get in the first place, but as you can imagine, this is not my first rodeo so the childhood trauma triggering is A LOT. And I just can't help but hate myself for not disengaging from this mess, deadass I moved to California as soon as I graduated from college specifically so this would not have to be my life anymore, and now here I am going through this same shit years later and never fully being able to enjoy my life and accomplishments because I have to wrangle a literal crazy person who has no one else.

It just sucks, I never asked for this, and unsurprisingly every other person in her life has tapped out over the years because it's too much and she's just too unkind for anyone to power through it for her so-called good times. She has said many times that she would have literally died at some point if it weren't for me, and while I obviously don't want her dead, that is an ENORMOUS amount of responsibility that I never asked for, and it is a responsibility that has drained a lot of good out of my life. I know everyone has to deal with shit, but having to deal with a mentally ill person who just takes and takes and takes and will tell you you're an asshole every time you try to genuinely help them just completely sucks the life out of you. At this point I wish she would just go off and live her dream crackhead life and leave me out of it, FFS we've been living in our new apartment for 5 months and she hasn't given me rent money once so at least I know I can do it on my own if necessary, and I'm just so fucking SPENT. For god's sake, I just called her again in the process of writing this damn post and she started yelling at me as if I'M the asshole in this scenario.

I just want to sit and cry and have the biggest pity party in the world and more than that I JUST WANT THIS FUCKING SHIT TO END and I want to feel like I can have a full life rather than trying to play cleanup crew for a person who treats me this way. I never dislike myself more than I do when I'm around her, and I hate that pity for someone who is frankly a complete asshole even on the best day has kept me trapped in a situation where I always feel like I'm my worst, saddest, meanest self. I'm just so fucking over it and don't want the responsibility of holding someone's life together when it feels like all I've done and dealt with since I was a kid. So all of you mfers better send all of your pity feels my way because literally no one on planet earth has a more difficult life than I do!

#real life woes

13 notes · View notes

merge-conflict · 1 year ago

Text

most wanted

a/n: Valentine is referred with he/him and she/her pronouns here and neither are misgendering. :)

There’s only one place cool enough in the entire motel to keep Adam Smasher’s frame within the expected limits for hibernation– and even then only barely– which has left Alt very little processing capacity with which to determine her next course of action. The late owner had invested lavishly in his bolt hole, dug deep into the hard-packed desert soil and shielded from any but an intense scan, but he had not maintained anything like a working network. She has had no choice but to outsource workloads to the resources she has at hand and keep watch out for trouble while they all recover far from the grasping hands of Arasaka.

Long habit has her working silently. Even if Rogue or Johnny or Kerry had agreed to let her borrow their spare CPU cycles, she knows they would never agree to serve as her eyes and ears. So she does not ask. Their personal concerns are of no particular interest to her– and she keeps close tabs on Johnny only for his own health. He is the selfish star about which the others still orbit, and her responsibility whether he wishes it or not.

She receives the data feeds asynchronously, processed and transmitted over her ad-hoc network based on heuristics from bio feedback and natural language processing. It’s crude at best, nothing like what she can do when half of her isn’t compressed and tucked away, but it’s better than operating blind.

The first notification she receives that is early in the morning, the strength of Johnny’s adrenaline response overriding several other weighted variables. She sees what he sees, time shifted by several seconds after she frees her attention. The decreased frequency of his dreams has not been accompanied by a decrease in intensity. When he catches his breath he moves as though to swing his legs out of bed and then stops for no reason she can discern, looking at the sleeping forms of V and Kerry. His eyes linger on the rise and fall of their chests, the place where their shoulders touch– she dismisses the feed and returns to working through Smasher’s black box.

The second notification comes much later, from V. The timestamps on the recording already a few minutes old.

“–cause I needed to talk to you about something.”

Kerry stops abruptly in the middle of the stairs, forcing V to stop as well, one hand on the railing and the other on his shoulder. “Talk about what?”

“About backing me up,” V says, patiently. As with Johnny, the relic provides Alt with an incredible array of information– only unlike with Johnny, V knows she is watching.

<< Any words of wisdom from up on high?

The message comes directly on the heels of the first transfer of data. Alt sets it aside, awaiting further context.

“Backing you up for what?” Kerry asks cautiously, adjusting his grip around V’s side before continuing to help him down the stairs. The exertion keeps V from replying until they have reached the bottom, where he lets out a little sigh of relief.

“Convincing Johnny not to launch another crusade.”

Kerry winces and then laughs bitterly. “Nobody gets Johnny to change his mind but Johnny.”

Alt is the one who rebuilt V, so she knows him more intimately than anyone else but Johnny could. She understands the little rush that follows this declaration is happiness, confidence in the joy of new existence– of being something transformed. Something entirely new and unconcerned with what has been left behind. She understands it very well.

He says, “Johnny is going to change his mind.”

“If you’re so confident, what do you need me for?”

“You don’t want to?”

They come to a stop in front of one of the motel’s vending machines, which has suffered no small amount of physical abuse but remains cheerily lit, advertising a wide array of plastic-wrapped food and cheap entertainment. V leans on it, taking the most of the weight off his leg as he waits for an answer. Kerry frowns, pulling his cap down a little further, exposed for reasons that have nothing to do with avoiding the gaze of the few other remaining guests.

“Had this kind of argument before, remember? Never ends well.”

V sighs, but he can’t hide the intensity of his emotional response from Alt with just a neutral expression. This is the reaction that drew her attention, and for good reason. “I’ll beat it into his thick skull if I have to. I’ve done it before.”

Kerry hesitates, but before he can reply, Alt pauses the feed, distracted by another alert– this one the mention of her own name. She’s too resource constrained to watch two feeds simultaneously, so she simply swaps to the new one, picking up a conversation that is already a minute old.

“You really think he’s going to agree to that?” Rogue is asking Johnny, as she leans back in her chair.

“Got her here, didn’t I?” Johnny replies, his pacing undermining his confident tone. “Why do you call her that, anyway? She’s not a guy, she’s–“ He gestures irritably, with all his usual social grace.

“Never said he was,” Rogue answers. There’s something significant in her pause, but Alt lacks the data to determine what it is. “I wouldn’t do it if he didn’t appreciate it.”

“Yeah, right,” Johnny laughs. “You hate her guts.”

Rogue shakes her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. “It doesn’t matter. And what exactly are you going to do about Kerry?”

“What about Kerry?”

“I’m trying to help, remember?”

“Then help, instead of finding something else to bitch about.”

Rogue has admirable qualities, but the way she handles Johnny is not one of them. “Unless you want to take on Arasaka on your own, and I mean really on your own Johnny– you’re going to have to convince them to help too.”

“They’re already here, and so are you, Rogue. You gonna give up on me now?” Johnny runs a hand through his limp, chin-length hair. Alt doesn’t need to subject herself to the unpleasant backwash of his sensory data to know what he’s feeling. “Not exactly like you’ve got a lot to lose now, is there?”

“And whose fault is that?” They glower in silence for several seconds before Rogue adds. “And what about Alt?”

“She wants to kill Arasaka as much as I do.” He shrugs, begrudgingly. “Maybe more than I do, even. She’s not the problem.”

“And what is the problem?” Rogue asks, but before Johnny can answer V and Kerry return with breakfast.

Alt dismisses the feed and pulls up a synchronous stream instead, pinging V with a request that he immediately accepts. She finds herself back in the same room, this time looking out from his eyes instead of Rogue’s.

>> He believes there is nothing left to lose.

V manages his surge of anger passably well. Kerry, only a few inches away and always finely tuned, frowns before turning to Johnny. “What is going on? You two look like you’re about to explain how mommy and daddy are getting divorced.”

“Jesus, Ker–“ Johnny says, mildly. “It’s the opposite. Getting the band back together. Doing it right this time.”

“Doing what right?” V asks, in a tone that instantly raises Johnny’s hackles.

“Taking Arasaka down for good.”

“Militech’s favorite force majeure.”

Rogue laughs, although the sound seems to be involuntary. “Does that make Alt an act of god?”

Johnny ignores her. “Newsflash V, that old ronin of yours is never going to let you suck his dick, not even if you crawl back with your tail between your legs. You think–“

Despite his injury V vaults off of the bed with surprisingly alacrity, catching Johnny by surprise. They land heavily, wrestling for control, and Alt has to pick through their relic data to make sense of the fight. V hits Johnny’s bruised ribs first, stunning him long enough to break his nose. Adrenaline flares, and Johnny manages to grab V’s wrists, using his extra weight and muscle to flip him, where the pain from his leg immobilizes him as Johnny straddles his hips. He only gets in one solid blow to V’s face before Kerry pins back his arms.

“Fuck you, V,” he says, his nose and mouth rendered a vague bloody red smear through V’s occluded optics. “Sucker punch me over that fucking guard dog.”

V’s response is ragged and dazed, but no less furious. “You want to go off and die so badly I’ll kill you myself.”

“Both of you shut the fuck up,” Kerry snaps. “You’re a coward, Johnny, you know that? A goddamned coward.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

“You wanted us to live.” V’s hands come to rest on Johnny’s thighs, gripping tightly as though holding on. He blinks rapidly, clearing his vision of tears so Alt can finally see clearly. “Now you just want to throw that all away?”

“I’m not–“

“You are–“

“C’mon Ker–“

Kerry lets Johnny shrug out of the hold. He scrambles up to his feet, staunching the flow from his bloody nose with his hand before ripping off a pillow case to use instead, glaring at Rogue. “I suppose you’re in on this too, huh?”

“Common sense is not conspiracy,” Alt interrupts, broadcasting to all their comms. “It will be some time before I can drive and store this frame efficiently.” Or decide what to do with Smasher himself. “In the meantime I will not allow you to jeopardize what has already been started. And our targets will be considerably easier to hit if they are already at war with each other.”

“Targets, plural?” Rogue asks immediately, brow furrowing. “You really are insane.”

“No sane person follows Johnny out here,” Kerry says.

“I’m not going to endanger everything I’ve built by hovering over it with a big red target on my back. At least I didn’t run away from home like some lovesick puppy.”

“Shut up,” V says softly, propping himself up on one arm and reaching to Johnny with the other. All he can see are dark eyes– brown Kiroshi’s, brows furrowed, the rest of the face obscured by bloody fabric. Alt can see more, but she concedes she probably wouldn’t need to either. V’s voice is gruff, a poor mimic of Johnny’s original in everything but cadence. “Stop pouting and come here.”

"Hope you're fucking happy," Johnny answers, after a while.

"Aren't you?"

#cyberpunk 2077 fic #shenanigans au #silvervdyne #johnny silverhand #valentine #alt cunningham #rogue amendiares #kerry eurodyne #this is getting wildly out of hand but it's still fun to write #decided to do some more experimental stuff here to keep it fresh #i might be reaching the point where i have to organize these #i was lamenting the other day i've put all this interesting plot stuff in the fun character-focused au but oh well #don't worry there's plenty of absurd stuff i still have to cram into the longfic

17 notes · View notes