#or ig theyre sleeping in the same room

[lunatic-fandom-space]

If i wasnt too sick rn i'd probably be liveblogging my obey me experience and id hit the post limit pointing out how gay Diavolo and Lucifer are

[xxplastic-cubexx]

it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent

[mitchievousness]

had some weird dreams last night

[thirstingfortoxicmen]

dom male reader x sub sebastian sallow WHERE THEYRE THEYRE THEYRE ENEMIES N LIKE READER STARTS GETTING CLOSE W SOMEONE ELSE N SEBASTIAN GETS JEALOUS N ONE DAY HE GETS ENOUGH OF IT AND DRAGS READER SOMEWHERE N THEY HAVE HATE SEX HELP IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT

OMG I LOVE IT! your wish shall be granted✨✨✨👍

Edit: OOPS I JUST WROTE THIS WHOLE THING THEN SAW THE HATE SEX PART NOOOOO IM SORRYYYYYY

Im skipping some plot.... just cause no reason🤭

(not my photo credit to Pinterest for fueling my mental issues)✨✨✨

Jokes on You

Sub Sebastian x Dom male Reader

🔞CAUTION SEX (ig)🔞

---

"Ok, tonight was a little crazy so go and get some rest. Ok Natty?"

"Yeah I still can believe we escaped on hippogriffs!" Natty whispered back. Her hands still shaking slightly. I embrace her for a quick hug before we part. Being quiet I move quickly down to the Slytherin rooms. Once I safely make it to the dungeons a sigh of relief washes over me. My head aches slightly from the stress of fleeing Harlow and his cronies. Slipping through the door into the common room I gasp slightly.

"So... you want to tell what you've been doing?" Sebastian questions, glancing at me from his book.

"Well you see I... uhhh... Natty needed help with somethingandIcouldntjustsaynoso-" My voice speeding up as I talk, eyes flicking around the room.

"You're lying. Tell me the truth." He demands, with a stern voice. I finally make eye contact with him and give him a sigh.

"I- fine... Natty and I were out... investigating someone and we got attacked BUT! before you freak out, we're fine nothing bad happened!" I explain, guilt lingering on my words. For lying to Sebastian and for betraying Natty even after I swore not to tell anyone about our... excursions.

"And you didn't think to just," pausing himself with a sigh, "I don't know tell me before you endanger yourself and making me think you were with someone else." rubbing his temples stress clear on his face.

"... what? you thought I was cheating on you? Sebastian I would nev-"

"yeah well when i barely see my own boyfriend for three whole days and when I do see him he's with some girl! I don't know what to think ok!" he almost yells, cutting me off. Remembering that it's past curfew and neither of us are meant to still be up quiets Sebastian. I take a cautious step to him, unknowing of his reaction. I rest my hand on his cheek, I pull his face to face my own. Our eyes connect, frustration weeping from him.

"I would Never. cheat on you Sebastian. I'm sorry I've been neglecting you. I didn't think it would hurt you so. I'll tell you next time," I speak low and soft, his attention on my eyes. Kissing him sweetly, closing my eyes resting our foreheads against each other when we part.

"Next time? How much trouble do you need in one year to be satisfied?" Sebastian moves his hand to mine, our hands resting together on his cheek. Grabbing my hand, intwining our fingers. He says, "come on." before trying to drag me into the corner of the common room.

"Where- what are we doing now?" i ask confusedly.

"I'm a teen boy who hasn't seen his boyfriend for three days. Take a guess." Blushing at the realization. Sebastian pushes me against the wall next to the lake, our lips clashing. Sweet turns to heavy, our tongues fighting. Biting his lip takes him off guard, I flip us pushing him to the stone wall. The chill of the stone coursing through him, a shiver runs down his body. Leaning down I continue making out with my boyfriend, pressing my leg against his groin. A groan from Sebastian letting my tongue gain dominance. His hips stuttering into my leg. "Please... I need you," he says, the slight whine of his voice going straight to my growing member. Grasping his thighs I lift him up, pressing him against the wall. Sliding his sleep pants down, just enough I spit onto my fingers. Stretching him and teasing him at the same time. I kiss his neck, his face blushing from his sensitivity. Soft groans leaking from his lips like a faucet. "I need you- now please..." his words drawing out slowly. Shuttering from his words, I complied. Hastily removing my belt and unbuttoning my pants before spitting in my hand once more rubbing it up and down my length, till I deemed good enough. Lowering him softly onto my hard cock. He jolts with a moan. Precum leaking from his cock. I start thrusting, I groan softly into Sebastians ear. His face now beat red, I bite into his shoulder. Once I do that he clenches hard and moans rather loudly. Still holding Sebastian I move from the wall to a nearby couch. Sebastian, now the one who has to lean down, resumes our making out from earlier. I grab his throat gently, squeezing intermittently. Sebastians eyes fluttering softly his cock hitting against his stomach with every thrust up. His red tip throbbing with anticipation. I hit his prostate, "I- need to- ahh please- can i," his voice pleading me. I start reaching my limit.

"Come for me Sebastian," I whispered into his ear. I bite down once more, Sebastians cum hitting our chests. His groaning tip me over the edge I cum into Sebastian. Both of us breathing heavy, we wait for a moment before separating. Cum falling from Sebastian when he lifts off my member.

"I've missed you."

"Jokes on you. Now you can't get rid of me," a chuckle escaping from Sebastian.

"Good."

[candyredmusings]

“Another One Of Those ‘Things My Discord Said’ Sentence Starters.

Things taken from DMs and a few group chats from Discord. CW: NSFT Change / Edit as necessary !

i am literally tom cruise

cum is cool.

[NAME]  is fucked up cus he is straight man

[NAME]  show me your fuckin tits

[NAME], you better not be standing catatonic in your room wearing your handmade jigsaw robe again.

its like they creampied me but instead of cum it was new music

like what about my pussy-area makes u think sea cucumber

the mind is weak. but the body is funky

so im reading that fanfic where 1d like, buys your soul or whatever and im shook

well tom servo is a sex god

and then i freaked it

FUCK YOU APPLE JACK FUCK

ILL SLURP WITH YOU

LEMME SHOW U DICK

ITS A SIDE QUEST YOU SILLY BITCH

I’m a zombie the law can’t stop me

LEAVE YOUR GOLDEN UNCRUSTABLES OUT OF MY HOME I WILL NOT FALL VICTIM TO THY TRICKERY

you, telling me to ignore a twink with side swept brown hair? foolish.

Hes so hot i briefly started texting like a straight person

and because I’m god and I’ve decided that. No. In fact. I’m not done.

MY DUMB BOTTOM BRAIN FOLLOWS COMMANDS TOO WELL

[NAME], I know you love bloopy reggae jams. Now is not the time

OH THATS WHAT I THOUGHT YOUD SAY YOU STUPID ACCIDENTAL HIMBO DEMON

man i rlly am attracted to paul mccartney.

its not that kennedy was gay af sleeping w jackies fat ass out, he just has a better one-

jealous of my massive honkeers

YOU BRAINCELLED BITCH

this forced open my third eye and i saw the devil--

oh me seeming romantically interested in u is making u uncomfortable?? noted

the only pussy this party city shake out wig looking mother fucker is getting

[NAME]  expose your teeth right fucking now

IN THE DEPARTMENT OF OLD MAN FUCKING, WEVE GOT YOU BEAT

What if we kissed while one of us got called racist and we are both boys

i just jacked it to minecraft piss porn

I will pop a huge tentacle boner

i hate females fr fr

we left u to die to play minecraft

IM GONNA FRICKLE-FRACK YOUR WIFE

CAN I KARATE CHOP IT LIKE IN SPONGEBOB

DWIGHT FROM THE OFFICE IS NOT MY SKRUNKLY

she would never ever take away one of these stupid fucking hats

My brother in Christ you’re being haunted

i want to wring you like a wet towel and slap u against a wall

Yeah you'll come to learn I just have a thing for milk

Piss ur pants harder pls I wanna watch

I'm gonna corn on the kill myself

good morning to parappa and his stans. everyone else..... hi ig

lol look at this clown with no slurs

God has abandoned his children but unfortunately for you I pay child support and I will smite thee.

this is how I reveal myself to be homophobic

I have no sluts

idk what it is abt it but boba makes me become like an actual whore

im homophobic suddenly

he was like ‘You're so big”.... and i just started crying

anyones penis can be hard hes not special

for the love of god please help me

i can talk about piss for hours

im sorry i havent recognized mickey mouse clubhouse ost as the cultural landmark that it is

I ASKED IF WE WOULD RP AFTER FUCKING BIBLE STUDY OR WHATEVER

the benefits of being a yandere is that i dont have to forgive OR forget and I am a living breathing PVP zone so Fuck with me white boy.

When toxic by ashnikko comes on I enter the gaslight gatekeep phases of my girlbosshood

im like a child in line for the newest fucked up disney ride

[NAME] is just all fucking Sorts of fucked up

im clownfaking

why are we here? to suffer? every other day i get messages from a whore

always thinking abt when my friend called me a "white boy whore"

you gotta PUMP the errand girl with cocaine

im beyond shame bc i love all cock try again

people have fetishes.

They really do crucify anyone these days huh

u may have never hungered for cock but you have hungered for a sub sandwich and honestly? theyre basically the same thing-

hi im drawing hentai

[NAME] idk why but that really. makes me want to stab you

“Don't have sex FOMO, [NAME], no! “

“TRY AND NUKE THIS, BITCH.”

“There's a group of golden skeletons behind you hitting the griddy “

“GRANDPA’S ASHES SUCKED MY COCK AND TOOK ME TO ARBYS.”

“You’re lanky with no gender and silly goofy with the rizz it works.”

“You can’t just tell me I could be a Tumblr sexy man to my face at 4:30 PM.”

"I have strong opinions about the soviet union"

“CALL THAT PUSSY THE MATRIX CAUSE IM IN THIS BITCH AND I CANT GET OUT “

“dont cry. 8000 types of reptiles on the planet, okay?”

[NAME] lives his life like he’s an RPG character but picks only the rude dialogue options.”

“I need to beat off to this before God destroys California.”

"No amount of pussy could get me on a rollercoaster with three loops"

"I love your senior citizen pussy"

"Gerber is pretty reliable .. I mean .. The Gerber baby didn't die .... did it?"

“you are white i assume”

"I hate you terrorist, and you may quote me on that"

"I love watching you play minecraft. It's like watching a baby fawn."

"I've never seen old men who fuck harder."

"i don't need him to KILL i need him to FUCK ME"

"well maybe if you just dicked down your wife she wouldn't have gone on a murderous slut rampage"

"why cant these BIG titty bimbos stop HANGING around me"

[yuukei-yikes]

I’m really curious what kind of uncles and aunts would Kano, Kido, Seto and Momo be

this is such a cute ask ough

i think kido and momo are the lesbian no kids double income aunts. best gifts EVERRRRRR. i think they host a lot of staying over idk i think theyd have a little spare room for any of the kids who wanna sleep over and theyre always asking if they want to LOL and the kids love it bc they SPOIL THE HELL OUT OF THEM kidos like giving them breakfast in bed and shit . shintaro rly has to talk to them bc his kids come back bratty as hell everytime they spend a weekend there LOL

seto would be a dad as well so like he'd be...... i think hed rly be THAT dad that's always teasing u and being annoying and acts the same as an uncle. its probably the one kids run from bc hugs very tight and augh ur beard is SPIKY!!!however always has SOME furry creature on him so thats rly kid bait. like WHERE is seto we want to see pocket hamster even if we have to go thru painful cheek kisses with spiky beard

kano would be rly cute i think he'd be a little eugh abt kids i dont think he'd like them that much but when its his sister's kids he's just so weak and i think itd be cute bc he'd just. he wouldnt be a tease or anything like he always is to his friends, to kids hes just genuinely rly sweet. the dans like😐 bc why cant u ever be this normal to us. also probably the most fun and the favorite bc he always takes everyone to do stuff they arent supposed to do and then keeps the secret from their parents :P dont get me started on my older kano hcs i feel like he'd be so lost and alone so hanging out with ayanos kids is as healing as it breaks his brain lol. but also he pranks the hell out of them and they always fall for it

my lil fankids are like. the only "biological" kids i picture the dan having cuz i think setomary adopt + shinaya adopt more so what this means is that theyre the only Babies the dan ever gets. harutaka has the first and that thang is a celebrity bc FIRST AND FOR A WHILE ONLY BABY?? THAT SHIT IS SO TINY!!!!!!!! WHOAAAAA and then shinayas kid...come on please mekatrio and momo fighting to death to see who gets to hold the baby next. it makes me sniff sniff bc compared to this haruka and takane ig they have a rly small family. maybe theyre slightly emo before the dan beats some sense into them bc THEYRE THEIR DAMN FAMILY TOO even if they arent siblings and stuff theyre still aunts and uncles <3 theyre FAMILY!!!!!!!! *passes out*

[puppysdog]

I know nothing of your OCs tell me about them

ive got way too many so im gonna talk about the final girls ocs i have from my horror movies !

first is Áine from Goldberg. shes one of my favorites since shes the first final girl i came up with. she was really fun to make bc i realized i didnt have any “weird girl” ocs which was a tragedy. college aged, lived with her bestfriend izzy (pre death) and her two closest friends after. shes got copper curly hair (like the irish actress jade jordan), big brown eyes and glasses, and the same set of five tshirts and cargo pants from high school. shes super into horror movies and murder mysteries, and is over confident in her abilities which continuously puts her in dangerous situations, but also helps her get out of them. she ends up with the killer at the end of the movie which i think was a fun turn on the final girl trope

for the movie The Summoning in the Forest (title in progress still) both Alex and Ranger Butch Ryder are the final girls. ive always been a big fan of unwilling mentor/younger character with no family left type tropes so i thought what better way to do so than with a butch lesbian and a just-came-out-two-months-ago 17yr old. Alex loses her sister during a ritual summoning to try to being back their parents, and accidentally unleashes a demon in the forest. Fire Ranger Butch Ryder and her dog Sapphie live out in a near by fire tower for the season, and end up taking Alex in while trying to stop this demon from setting her entire forest on fire. I havent worked on the script for that one yet, but i want to focus on Ryder’s butch aspects and show them as desirable and hot. I also think Alex and Ryder being able to bond through their sexuality is a great way to steamroll through two strangers wouldnt work together bc two lesbians stuck in a horror situation would no doubt team up

Dakota is the final girl for Haunted House and oh boy shes gotta be my second favorite. British, fat, shaved head, dyke, 80s type punk chav vibe, hot headed, literally everything to me. She ends up inheriting a house from a family member shes barely heard of, and being a broke mid twenties yr old she immediately is on board. the house has a minor staff run by Ms. Adeline Falls so Dakota doesnt even have to do anything but play head of the house and follow the rules. Except shes really bad at following rules, and the house hates her. cue movie horror montage of a haunted house trying its best to kick the most stubborn girl out. i think this one will have more of a crimson peak/bly manor type vibe than anything? gothic semi tragedy horror is the feel i want to go for. also she basically ends up getting with the house at the end, so theres that

My last final girls are Belle and Julia from Sleep Over (title also in progress) i hesitate to call Julia a final girl since shes the antagonist, but she does end up alive at the end with Belle so ig she counts. very horror comedy with an over the top weird girl, Belle. Belle is absolutely obsessed with horror and the macabre, extending to serial killers and such. she has an entire room dedicated to horror props and set pieces, and she’s extremely elitist about her opinions on the genres. shes very much like May from the movie May, super awkward but much more outgoing with it. Julia and her crew are the new up and coming serial killers of the city, and decide Belle is gonna be their next target. Belle, already unhappy with the groups work and considering a shame to true serial killers, turns her house into a deadly home alone mixed with saw style death trap, and the serial killer trio slowly realize theyre the ones trapped in the house. I really want to give Julia and her crew popular mean girl type vibes. Like hair done poofy, cherry earrings, gold rings, lots of matching pinks, etc. Her and Belle dont end up together or anything but they do get the same life sentence, and the movie ends with what looks like them breaking out together

and thats my girls <3

[mysteriouswolf]

Hi mysterious

You tagged me in a thing and i believe in the power of me and so now im going to answer all of the questions

1. [Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?] Pandora’s BOX— I use Spotify.

2. [is your room messy or clean?] Messy af, there are so many clothes on the floor and also I need to vacuum since I am literally allergic to dust—

3. [what color are your eyes?] Ooh. Um. Well. There’s actually lore. When I was younger, I told everyone that my eyes were green and they all told me that I was wrong because my eyes looked brown and then I asked my mom and she was like “they’re hazel” and so for a while I believed that they were hazel and then in middle school or late elementary school I just fucking gave up on it and then they were just whole ass brown. BUT ALSO OKAY IM PISSED AT THIS. YOU KNOW PUNNETT SQUARES RIGHT. THEYRE LIES. THEYRE FUCKING LIES. Both of my parents have light green eyes, and mine are literally brown. So for a while, I genuinely semi-convinced myself that I was adopted because the fucking punnett squares lied because there’s no way you get a dominant trait from two recessives. Anyways I have the green life hoodie and when I wore it (its so comfy I would still wear it all the time but it is about a zillion degrees out and I like to sweat significantly less also my school doesn’t have AC which is genuinely criminal. i’m so pissed about it because it’s like literally torture) the green in my eyes was more visible so my eyes were def more hazel then but my clothes palete normally consists of black so they normally look brown. Doesn’t help that my eyes and my hair are normally the exact same color.

4. [do you like your name? why?] like birth name? no. it hasn’t fit me in so long. and when i tried to convince myself i wasn’t genderqueer I reminded myself of when I was in third grade there was this girl in my church choir and I would look in the mirror and wish i had her name because I did not look like my name. like. My name is nice. I wish all the cis girls and trans girls and anyone with that name the best and I hope it suits them. It’s a great name. Just not for me.

current name i go by? it’s okay. It’s my initials, and it works really well as a placeholder and I don’t get dysphoria from it like I do my birth name.

current name I’m interested in? I rly like it. it has some cool lore and thought behind it, and i’m interested in trying it out soon.

internet name? LOVE IT 10/10 I ADORE BEING CALLED ROYAL and just. it’s so nice. also i could go by it irl but i don’t want to? like. i do want that divide between irl and internet. also Royal has some lore connected to it and i’m a huge fan of my whole username because it’s a play on the phrase “morally gray” so i love it

5. [what is your relationship status?] uhhh single, ig. also not ready to mingle. well actually i have a um. is a situationship what you call it? But like we were actually dating, and then we kind of didn’t interact for a while (we both got busy with lives, yknow) but essentially now we’re friends with flirting benefits. she’s the one person i feel rly comfortable making innuendos around and shit and it’s kind of refreshing to have that weird relationship with one person.

Also this is rly long so i’m not doing all of these in one go but Mysterious. You. YOU THAT ONE RIGHT THERE OFFICER—

(i dropkicked that child in self defense)

Mysterious, beloved companion and mutual of tumblr dot com, I shall also ask thee the above questions.

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, Pandora, or some other music streaming service?

2. is your room messy or clean?

3. what color are your eyes, if you’re amicable

4. do you like your name? why?

5. what is your relationship status?

OKAY HAVE A NICE— sleep? you’re asleep right now. probably. if you aren’t, go to bed. y’know what? I might take myself up on that offer.

HAH I KNOW YOUR TIMEZONE I CAN PROPERLY ADDRESS YOU

alright have a nice morning or whenever you wake up and/or whenever you check your tumblr :)

HELLO ROYAL I WILL HAVE A NICE MORNING THANK YOU I GET TO GARDEN TODAY IM SO EXCITED!!!

1- Music streaming service? I use Amazon Music cause that's what my parents have a subscription to-

2- Room status? Uhhh it's kinda in the middle. Actually that's a lie, right now it's really messy because I decided I wanted to make a cardboard dagger before I went to my friend's house so I have little bits of cardboard and hot glue sticks all over the place. But usually I like to keep it clean-ish because my room is pretty smol and it stresses me out if it gets too messy- except my desk. That is always a hellhole.

ALSO ROYAL!! ONE THING THAT HELPS A LOT GET A HAMPER AND JUST PUT IT IN YOUR ROOM. DESIGNATE A SPOT WHERE DIRTY CLOTHES GO.

3- What color are your eyes? They're blue. Sometimes they look more green, but they're kinda like a dark muted blue. Not bright. My eyes are pretty dark. LIKE MY SOUL--

Also Royal you have green eyes. Doesnt matter I have never seen your eyes. You have green eyes. In my head you have green eyes. Always have and always will lol- also I agree not having AC in school is criminal- ours doesn't either and it's just like RAHHHHHHHHHH ITS SO HOT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LEARN MAN

4- Do you like your name? Why? Okay I can't go into this too hard because I will DOX MYSELF but there is a REASON because if I told you what my name was you would be like "oh, like ____?" And it constantly gets made fun of and I hate it. Other than that, I like my name, but just dkvkkcjvskdkkw.

Now if I ever changed my name, it would be Raven Nightshade because I think that sounds badass as FUCK but that probably won't happen.

Internet name? YES. I LOVE IT SO SO MUCH ITS ACTUALLY SO AMAZING I LOVE BEING CALLED LITERALLY ANY VERSION OF MY NAME ONLINE. I think I just answered your ask about my name, SO YES ANY OF THOSE I LOVE SO MUCH IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY

5- Relationship status? Also single and WOULD LIKE TO STAY THAT WAY PLEASE.

shit I don't know your time zone how am I supposed to wish you somethinggggg-- assuming you actually did go to bed when you wrote this I hope you have a good morning/whenever you wake up :3

[wildlycuriouswanderercj]

Its been a while since i vented. I only vent when i need to let go of heavy baggages. Like a pile of shit in my chest. Idk if aum likes me. She out there with jonny in bangkok. With her friends. Theyre drinking. She doesnt call me. She looks like shes having rhe time of her life. Happy. Thats great. Thabks jonny of taking care of her. But personal i dont like that. I rather have her just wait st pattaya like a real girlfriend. And not go out drinking. She didnt have to go. Why her. Natapon couldve went. Why it had to be her. Why she making fun videos with jonny in the same room. Why is she seem so happy. Why she dont call me. Why she only ask what im doing and dont tell me what she doing. Why. Why so i even care. I dont like her. Shes too big for me. Her wnergy is good. But shes not the match for me. I think imma let her go. Its ok if we can still be friends. But i think im done with her. Im not jealous. Im not angry. Im kinda of sad. I want to do some muay thai. I think im going to stay in pattaya. Or im going to koh samui. I dont want to go home. Im going to save much money and live out here much as possible. I dont care about a silly tradtional dinner. Its my life. Its my last time i might be out. Im not going back until i use up all my money and more. I dont care about my credit. I just need to relieve my shit in my chest. I thought she csred sbout me. Im at these few days were i feel the most lonely ive ever been. Past month i been so fill with people. Today i meet yan and izaya. It was fun listening to and talking sbout japanese culture anime and songs and showing them thailand. But in the end im alone. And im sad. I need some company. The time i need company rhe most i dont have anyone to share with me. Its 3 in the morning. Cant sleep. But ill try. Tmrw i go eat more laksa. Because thsts my favorite. I wont post anymore on ig. Im done with ig. I dont care unless its somone tryig. To contact me. Which thwres nobody to really contact. Maybe we go see alien eye girl. Maybe not. She kind of freak me out. Tmrw we go for a run. Then a workout. The. We go eat laksa. We get in shape this year. We get smart. We est fish. We get fast. And we live well alobe. We need to take care of ourspeves. We can only rely on our own company. We dont need anybody else. We dont want to reply to anybody. Anyone. We dont need anyone. We have ourselves. Thats all. We only eat good. No. Tmrw we go eat poke. We only est dry food from now on. Bread. Pasta. Salad. Fish. Kura kura is ok. We will no longer reply ro aum. We are finish. She wasnt there for me these few days. She make me worry during tike i neeed company the most. I needed someone to talk to. She wasnt there during these most critical times. When school starts in 3 days or 2. I wont have the time to be lonely. Ill be busy. So busy i dont have time for anybody. Not for love. Not for anybody. Just me and the spirits and lessons. After this 4 weeks. We go back to soi 7. We get our roght chest done. We dont drink for a day. We go pattaya at night. We get the piece done the morning of. We dont drink that day. We go and simple relax at the beach in jomtien where nobody is. We just chill. We drink coconuts and eat at terminal 21. Becuade thats our favorite chill time. We go find a gym. We work out. We lift. We relieve ourselves we get fit. We just strong. We go shopping. We got buy expensive necklace for protection. We go visit our friend in big buddha. We pray to the gods for protection and guidance. We give back to the great society of thailand. We stay in pattaya until tatto is finish healing. On the 6 or 7 we leave to koh samui. And thatll be that. We dont want to go home. We dont need to go home. Home is not where we belong. I need to live my life my way. I need to become my pwn adult. I need to take responsibilities for my only life. We dont not need to chade fame. We just need to know oursleves. Life live life outside our comfort zone. Live below our means. And ask marco if we can borrow 3k. Or 2k. We go koh samui we race we love. We meet and see new places. And we go koh tao

[autism-corner]

more spreadsheet talk below cut bc i wanna talk more =w=b

(sorry for the shit quality) anyway ofc ive already tallied how many points everyone has, but here is a comparison between everyone, and how alike they are!! the grey numbers are the amount of points they have in common (so +1 if both True or if both False) <3 the coloured ones are the percentiles of those same numbers

im actually very suprised by how un-alike nene and leviathan rank according to this, i thought theyd be WAY closer.....

the other negative outlier is neneVSyakumo... i get that they wouldnt get like. 80% similarity but it is the lowest out of all of them =3=. oh well!!

the positive outliers are mainly rinVSblade andarakawaVSseiko!! both make entirely sense. rin and blade both fit into the relatively-niche "ENERGY" and "robot-related" squares so i guess that adds up!! i already made a post about arakawa and seiko (plus mayoi and nene) and how theyre all basically the same character, so that is no suprise <3

actually looking at it now, the three pairs in the 70%-80% range (bladeVSleviathan, bladeVSyakumo & yakumoVSrin) are really suprising... i never really thought about those characters being like eachother before but according to this graph.... they are pretty close!

new picture!! this time about how certain categories seem linked even though they barely are: no emotions VS secretive VS smartass!! every single one has a check by the 4 same people and no one else! isnt that awesome! ig 'no emotions' and 'secretive' are pretty alike but i still didnt expect this!! (i rearanged the categories after filling em all in. they were not in this order while i did so)

another of the same thing happening!! this time between 'sleeps with stuffed animals' and 'would like my room'!! ig theyre somewhat related since i consider my room "childish" so eh <3

btw about the 'would like my room' category, i fucking love my room but its pretty. eccentric. for the usual person. its pretty maximalis with printed images from fandoms all over my walls and warderobes, theres coloured flags all over my ceiling, etcetc. it can be a lot. i wish id feel comfortable enough to post it publically but i do not =w=b oh well!!

back to the sheet; things id still like to add:

i forgor :skull:

i swear i had at least one thing i still wanted to add but. ig since i left the "SPREADSHEET SPREADSHEET SPREADSHEET" phase my brain forced me in i cant think of stuff ever. =3=p

ive finally become aware of reality again after spending two hours focused on a spreadsheet.

anyway enjoy my blorbo-bingo sheet!!!

[cpt-puffy-moved]

starts sweating

[paintingformike]

rewatching certain parts of season 2 rn and realized you can actually tell that they’ve been working on developing byler’s relationship as romantic even back then because the fact that these scenes happen back to back

mike taking will home (aka his basement for whatever reason!!) after his trance then DIRECTLY after this scene we get jonathan taking nancy home after she gets wasted in the party (theyre undeniably parallels too because the same song plays in both scenes...and if jancy’s is supposed to be romantic then what does that say about byler 🤔)

jonathan and nancy sleeping in the same room then the scene that follows directly after this is MIKE literally sleeping next to WILL in his room

like they werent being subtle AT ALL about directly paralleling jancy and byler and it just went over people’s heads (including mine admittedly) because...heteronormativity ig

[calehenituseappreciation]

Tommy thinking Sam Nook and Sam are two different people would lead to such funny senarios.

Especially if you apply this logic to everyone.

what if mexican dream and quackity are the same people and that was just him making fun of dream and making tommy laugh and tommy genuinely thinks dream killed mexican dream and that hes a different person

and when ranboo pretended to be killed by clarencio

he just doesnt realise

he thinks girl dream is someone else too

tubbo genuinely has a bunch of personalities and so he thinks theyre all different people (and also he doesnt realise theyre the same people a lot)

sam, in his normal voice: tommy do you have the- tommy, crying: what happened to sam nook?

sam proceeds to live as sam nook around tommy because he once tried to tell tommy sam nook isnt real and he started sobbing and so sam cant

sapnap, approaching sam on the site: hey sam can you do this for me? sam: su- tommy, running up: SAAAAAAM!? sam, in the sam nook voice: hello tommy! sapnap: wtf??? tommy: this is sam nook! :D have you met him? sapnap: what? thats just s- sam: shakes his head, behind tommy where he cant see sapnap: uhhhhh sam: takes out sword sapnap: h-hi sam nook! tommy: :D

sam is not the only person this happened to. 

tommy: technoblade???? techno, sneaking into l'manberg: uhhh techno, in a highpitched voice: no this is Clarencio tommy: the llama? techno, in high pitched voice: no the pig tommy: hmmm techno: sweats tommy: smiles brightly ok!!!! techno, under his breath: that worked??? tommy: wanna hang out with me? techno, in high piteched voice: i really need to go tommy: buttttttt :(

technoblade proceeds to have to pretend to be clarencio the pig and hang out with tommy all afternoon

phil, coming to check on techno: techno? techno, in a frilly pink dress, in a high pitched voice: hi tommy: phil!!!! have you met clarencio??? but not the llama!!! clarencio the pig!!! phil, holding back a laugh: is that so?

(defenitly happened before he got exiled, i refuse to change my mind)

everytime techno is caught he says hes clarencio (the pig) and tommy vouches for him each time and no one is able to bring themselves to tell him that clarencio (the pig) doesnt exist

sam nook, :handshake: clarencio the pic, :handshake:  mexican dream, (not girl dream) not being able to tell tommy their not real bc hed cry

IMAGINE IF TOMMY WAS GIVEN THE JOB OF LIKE BEING THE BORDER PEOPLE WHILE HE WAS WILBURS VICE BEFORE THE ELECTION AND PEOPLE WOULD JUST FAKE IDENTIES AND TOMMY WOULD JUST BELIVE EVERYONE

quackity: i demand to be allowed to join l'manberg! wilbur: ur american quackity: i shpould still be allowed! wilbur: just say your not, thats what everyone does quackity: what wilbur: just make a fake identity?? quackity: youre... the president???? wilbur: yeah and?? quackity: shouldnt you not be be endorsing that??? wilbur: i made tommy the border person. you think i care? quackity: sksksks quackity: still bad tho

the only one tommy never believes is dream, no matter what, he can just tell when someone is dream, like ya know those police dogs? the only reason he didnt realise girl dream was because girl dream is girl dream he thought it was just a dream thing

TOMMY THINKS BAD AND MONOCHROME BAD ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE

monochrome bad: tommy tommy: whomst? bad: oh uh recolourfies tommy, screaming: WHAT THE FUCK

tommy doesnt have object permanence but for people

techno, while tommy is staying with him: leaves room tommy, crying: I had a big brother once, i dont remember him tho

phil leaves them and (while stabbing wilbur) tommy just doesnt realize its him until techno says "dad?"

quackity works at wendys and tommy goes there everyday but doesnt realise its quackity

tommy went there since the war ended

and at the time didnt realise tommy cant tell and so when he and tommy started a mafia and became friends he thought tommy knew who he was and tommy once suggested going to dennys and quackity is like 'oh my god' and tommy is like my friend works there!!! and then they go to the one quackity works at and quackity is like 'haha funny' and then tommy asks around and then turns to quackity sadly like "my friend isnt here today D:" and then quackity is like o h

tommy, towards sam, in sams house: sam!!!!!! sam, who was sleeping, in his normal voice: w-what? tommy: sam!!! :D sam: hey tommy yawns whyd you wake me up? tommy: sorry but i really needed to ask you a question!!! sam: did you want to ask me where sam nook is again? tommy: welll.. that too but!!! you should meet sam nook!!!! sam: what tommy: please please please sam: no go back what did you ask? tommy: you need to meet sam nook! i think you'd be friends!!! :D sam, internally: shit sam: uhhh i dont really think i should- tommy: pleaasee uses puppy eyes sam: sure sam, internally: why did i say yes????

sam then has to pretend to be sam and sam nook at the same time

tommy: you're gonna love sam nook sam!!!! sam: uhuh tommy: where is he? :( sam: uh maybe hes behind you tommy: turns around to look sam: runs to other side of tommy sam, in sam nook voice: hello tommy!!! tommy: sam nook! have you met sam??? hes right here!!! gestures to sam who has to run behind him again tommy: sam say hi!!! sam, panting, in normal voice: hi tommy: whyre you all out of breath and shit???

this,,, just continues for a while

quackity, watching this exchange, driunking juice: sucks to suck sam: you'd do the same quackity: no. mexican dream is dead lol tommy, only hearing the last part: cries i miss mexican dream quackity, feeling sad: uh- we can revive him maybe? tommy: wipes tears YEAH! sam, whispers to quackity: told you so quackity, hisses to sam : shut up

quackity then has to pretend to revive himself while running around also he has to steal another one of dreams masks

honestly in this au everyone would hear about what happened during exile and stab dream (while pretending to be other people because ig in this au tommy still thinks dream was once his friend and yeh)

tommy, after crying infront of sam nook and telling him what dream did to him: so.. sniffs do you have any more quests for me to do? sam nook: i have one more quest tommy, cheering up: what is it!! sam nook: for myself tommy, confused: what is it? sam nook, taking out a glock: homocide

insanebur: you want to know why no one listens to you tommy? tommy, pouting, on the verge of tears: What? insanebur, unable to finish, clutching his heart: your too cute

this is just au where tommy is baby huh

wilbur isnt mad schlatt exiled him- hes mad he exiled tommy

schlatt and dream are the only ones not affected by tommys baby vibes and thats their downfall

tommy just has to call everyone a nickname, once, and everyone is melted

niki and jack: tommy is the fault of all our probelms we should kill him puffy: he. bonk is bonk baby bonk niki and jack: look over at tommy tommy, with sam in the distance: cries to sam because he cant find sam nook niki and jack: okay... maybe we should be less... violent...

Sam rlly just went

sam: looks at tommyinnit sam: nothing bad will ever happen to this child ever again

huh?

I’ve named this au, au where hes baby ur honour

tommy: i had zero parents (who care) tommy, gestures to puffy and sam: NOW I HAVE TWOOOOOOO

insanebur: god i fucking hate everyone tommy: even me? insanebur: except you tommy

sam: I AM THE TOMMY GAURDIAN! GAURDIAN OF THE TOMMY! sam @ anyone who wants to hurt him: FUCK OFFF

tommy canoanically understands the animal crossing language

ranboo: i can speak enderman! tommy: well i can speak creeper

whenever tommy gets overwhelemed around sam he burys himself he asks sam to cover for him in creeper

okay thats enough of that

[s0lar-ch3ri]

SO MATPAT IS COVERING ROBLOX GAMES

i never thought mat pat would do roblox theories but since he did ima do my own theory before i watch the vid (spoilers for the game ig?)

right so yall remember the tube where it says they were made? yeah, thats basically a big part of the theory, but as well as something else.

yes i went onto fucking youtube and looked this video up. its from the intro scene, but theres an odd part in it.

there is a motherfucking bio hazard sign right there. id have to say this and tube are probably highly correlated. and ill tie it in with the crash as well, dont worry, but let me start from the beginning of the story/the earliest part of lore i got theories for, and i'll do evidence for each part as i go. first off, the school bus driver. that man had to either work with red or be heavily affected by the chemicals to drive that way. its obvious by the lobby area looking like a school, the words "Going on a field trip...", and the school bus that we're school students on a field trip (weird how its at night but i wont talk about that) to oddworld, a theme park. (image below for what we see of oddworld)

its quite obviously that way and even if the sign changed the driver should have a gps to show where. not to mention the big ferris wheel should light the way to go and biohazard sign should light where to not. yet the driver still fucking turns the other way. its hard to believe the chemicals would be able to affect them up there (if im wrong do correct me idfk how chemicals work really) so the only logical answer was this character worked with red. either the driver purposefully crashed or they breathed in chemicals and shit happened. either way, they crashed the end. just kidding, lets get into my next intro theory! oddworld is owned by the same company that made the rainbow friends. they look a lot like mascots of a theme park, plus no theme park would willingly build by biohazards unless wanting to do some crazy experiment which requires luring kids out to kidnap them for tests, right? (yep, this another theory) not to mention, it ties in with the driver working for red idea. if they used the theme park as a codework, itd be less sussy (im sorry) if they were caught and searched. now, lets move onto the actual gameplay for theories!

(credits to @arcadianxanadus for placing themselfs there for this image as my stupid ass died to fucking green) the chemicals did shit to the rainbow friends for sure, and by the image shows, the company was knowingly keeping them inside the building. not to mention, these bitches are fucking color coded. do note this: theyre kept in the same room as all the items needed to be collected. im mainly concerned how they fucking eat here and the chemicals are still there. another thing to note, everyone but purple has 2 chemical containers. purple only has one. oh, and dont forget, PURPLE IS THE ONLY ONE WE NEVER SEE FULLY. is it possible that hes had so many chemical shit hes too horrified to let himself be seen fully, implying these bitches have sentience for their existence and have a brain that can worry what others think of him? yep, bingo. will i get into purple more? for sure, but lets back track tooooo...

TUBE! (most to all images will be taken because of my trooper arcadian) its quite obvious this tube did experiment shit with the rainbow friends. the machine seems to have rusted from being fucking old (l bozo /j) and thus probably wouldn't even work now. the chemical containers i believe powered this thing but when something went wrong, they stopped. so what could have gone wrong? i have two guesses. purple, or red. purple is the most advanced of the ones found during game play, actually following the closest player and hiding in vents to catch you, however he seems to also be the most wild (get more into him later). red, however, is most intelligent of the rainbow friends seemingly, since he can actually function technology, set up a sleeping quarters, plan out events, identify objects, speak english, and other things. but enough on red and purple, lets say good bye to the tube! finally, we start with characters (no more images because 1. its been days since i started this post, 2. i dont have the energy to actually live in rainbow friends to take ss for this kinda stupid post thing, and 3. i wanna get into the vid soon so yeah)! lets get into blue. so what i believe happened to all the rainbow friends is either they were puppets turned alive or humans turned to monsters, so ill go with the human one. i have looked way too much into bot patterns so deal with it. blue commonly hangs out around wider areas and ive seen goes into the theater a lot, more than the other bots im sure. he also enters some of the locations (if not all locations) of the blocks we look for on night 1. ive seen him stop while walking out of nowhere then turn around multiple times so theres also that. i feel blue was a small child before who was the main star of the show (i mean hes got the crown and stuff so id assume) that got lured into the tube and blah blah. itd explain why hed walk around in the theater the most (to me at least). it would also make sense to not suspecting the boxes, people on a set would have boxes filled with items like props or costumes or whatever.

next up: green! this celery stick is blind and has a pattern of mainly sticking to hallways, but will once of twice enter the theater only to block a door. like blue (i forgot to mention this in blues part but oh well), green can start below and climb the ladder (image above). i believe green could have possibly been a worker at the place who was tricked into going inside the tube. it'd make sense as to why a box would be unusual for him to find, he knows a box wouldnt be there originally.

next rainbow friend on the list is orange. orange has a visible pattern but is the only one who you can make not hunt you by feeding him food. i believe orange was a dog before being orange, seeing how hes fed something that looks like dog food and has a den like wolves would. FINALLY WE GET INTO HIM!!! PURPLE, THE VENT GOBLIN!!! i only found his pattern through how my friend got in a server alone. purple doesnt have a certain area he goes, but he does go to the closest player. hes also the only one that we never see fully. what he actually is can confuse me. that means i sadly cant fully say what he could be without an idea of what more than his arms and eyes and mouth look like. however, there is something i want to go back to (which obvi connects to purple). remember tube? theres writing on the walls talking about where "they" (the rainbow friends) were made and a picture of the tube. this couldnt have been there originally, so someone had to have written it. i suspect purple, and heres why. blues design is like a marshmellow (all images below). green's fingers wouldnt work for holding chalk, plus hes blind. orange seems to wild to be able to write words that neat, and again his hands are pinchers. purple has four fingers which could grip, and seems like he could write similar to that. not to mention its next to a vent. its also a bit ironic that purple isn't there (ik orange isnt there i was tryna be silly). also i know that there are images on google on what purple looks like normally, but i dont know for sure if those are right so for now i wont take a chance.

alright now we finish up (finally, ik) characters with red! red seems to have the most lore connected to him and the most intelligence as well. he can actually talk and kidnap children on field trips and see his surroundings (/hj). to me, it seems like a classic "testing on (insert thing) but something went wrong) type deal. i feel though, it went wrong twice. purple seems the closest to matching red's intelligence and red could have written the message as well, if he were helping us. before someone thinks he is, he literally kidnapped us. what i think of red? hes a scientist doing illegal tests on children without moral problems it seems. what the results are and why he needs them, there could be multiple reasons. now we move onto other details, starting with ourselves! we're obviously a school kid, but since im an overthinker, im getting an age range. the image(s) below is taken from this video. lets ignore the tall people and focus on black haired girl in the front (first image). now, i went ahead and got a picture of her in the other scene when the bus crashes just for another size reference. i picked her since she seems to be average height in game. with a google search, i found a roblox character is about '5"1 (or 154 cm). i went in and the joined the game so i could get a school reference (3rd and 4th pic is of school) and see what grade area it may be (elementary, middle, high school, or beyond). the school didnt provide much help, so i took focus on the playground. to me, it seems as though this is an elementary school, seeing how only an elementary would have a playground from what i know. i tried to look up a fifth grader's average height, which is 56 for a male and 57 for a female, the 57 equaling 4.75 feet. yeah, not gonna work. then i remembered before that some elementaries have 6th grade. i checked it out, around 5 foot. bingo! now onto age. the age range i found is 11-12 years old. yay, we know around how old the players are possibly! now, theres a big part here ive overlooked: its fucking nighttime. the only way for this to actually be a regular field trip at night would be if a;its a multi day trip or b;this is a boarding school. this couldnt be a multi day trip since thats only for camps and shit, not a fucking theme park. so boarding school? nope. assuming this takes place in the us, kids dont normally go to boarding school until 9th or 10th grade. plus, the building doesnt seem to be a boarding school. so whats happening? i suspect that this experiment process was a sort of deal with the school to borrow kids from an after school program id guess seeing how little the amount of kids there are and how ive seen no signs of searching for these missing kids. basically, kids getting experimented on. next theory!

this is gonna be the last im sure, but it has to do with each nights quests. night 1 is the blocks, night 2 is the food packets, night 3 is the batteries, and night 4 is the fuses. i feel theres symbolization in the quests so lets buckle into it (if ya get the reference, nice). the blocks i feel represent how blue acts like a baby whos still developing their brain. the food packets obvi are for orange and the batteries are supposed to mean our escape, the fuses coming after meaning not as well planned. however, they also could mean something else. both times we get something electrical, purple is out. not to mention, the fuse night/night 4 feels more like purples night while night 3/battery night seems to be more suited to orange as in an intro to him. the tube seems like it wouldnt use batteries if you look at its design. however, something like fuses would seem to work. what am i implying? purple broke the machine. yep, i came to a conclusion! i would go over details, but you can read through and peace together shit so i dont have to keep repeating myself over and over. and thats basically all the theories ive had on rainbow friends before watching mat pat! this has taken me a while and im tired but am whiling to write more on the theory thing! bye now!

[kidfoundonstreets]

tlast post such a wholesome game  long post.. AND HUGE SPOILERS

so noel and sirius were talking about the diary  hhhhhhhhhhh these guys confuse me. claire definitely has some sort of history with both of them

EVIL BATH!!!!!!! day 4 lets gooooooo whahdha heck they met each other 12 years ago?  fr tho. it felt like we learned a lot but nothing at the same time. will keep it in mind though HAHA THE DRAMATIC BITCHES

we couldn’t find claire or wilardo,, i really hope that theyre safe is ashe really a witch researcher? maybe i’ve just heard it too much from him HAHDSAHDSWQHWQ HE LOOKS SO GRUMPY WHILE SLEEPING

help?? we woke up a strnage place oh god backsotry moment ig.. JUST SHOT A BUNCH OF BALLOONS AND DID IT IN ONE GO FEELING SEXY oh shes actually pretty i think that the flowers at the beginning may have been her bitter thoughts or wishes maybe? i feel bad. what happened to her?? is she alright OH POV SWITCH IG

DONT DO THIS TO ME  I SEARCHED IT. THE LITTLE SNRK HE KNOWS HE FREKAING KNOWS wandering around. oh gohd oh fuck i DO NOT trust this im so scared ashe’s going to go apeshit again especially after the witch’s heart talk in his room rn im totally gonna get caught. wtfwtf is his bag on the floor GRAB A KNIFE JUST IN CASE AS YOURE LEAVING WE HAVE TO SEARCH HIS BED TOO WHAT THE FUCK. WHY DOES HE HAVE IT. ASHE WHAT THE HELL. IM NOT EVEN SHOCKED IM JUST DISAPPOINTED HOW DID HE EVEN GET IN the guy’s gone fml THE WAY HE KILLED HIM SO FAST. JESUS DUDE WHY THOUGH. LIKE WHY NO HESITATION TOO. HE JUST DID IT  im so done. ashe i do like you and i appreciate you but you pull some of the most questionable actions in this game (straight up murder) is this all for research or something???? messed up  and the dialogue before have you done this before???? ughhgkjgw  we’re back to wilardo and claire and she’s literally asking to take claire’s entire body or she won’t let them out lady i feel bad but you gotta accept when to quit  CLAIRE IS TOO NICE LIKE HONEST TO GOD TOO NICE WHY DID SHE JUST PROTECT SOMEONE WHO WAS GONNA TAKE HER BODY SHE’S BEEN NOTHING BUT CRUEL TO YOU I KNOW THAT SHE HAS SAD SCARS FROM THE ACID BUT WHAT WH well it got them out and it wouldnt have been ideal if the person who created this was dead so ig it was a good move but damn claire really is just too sweet to people the demon is really pretty either way oh huh the flowers are positive now. i guess it reflects her mindset

sirius is dead zizel </3

SON OF A BITCH

WHAT THE FUCK

[sleeping-lilies]

Title: I Get Tim a Cat Because It’s What He Deserves (oh and i guess a group chat 🙄)

a batfam/wayne family groupchat would literally never happen in canon but it would be so fucking funny you all don’t even know, so i will do it anyways.

the chat just kinda... starts. no one know where it came from. who added them. who??? none of their emotionally stunted asses would be caught dead making making a family chat tf? why can’t any of them leave? they smash their phones and then on their laptop a notification pops up like “you’ve joined ‘x’ group” and they’re stuck there. might as well use it ig, but for what???

“everyone who is alive type ‘i’” no one responds so bruce spends hours trying to find out where their bodies are until he finds out everyone just had the chat on mute

“why isn’t alfred on here” “huh. alfred isn’t on here and no one knows who made the chat?” “so whoever made it just left immediately?” “...” “lol anyways”

tim was trying to send a snap to the core four gc but accidentally sent it to the family chat and gets super embarrassed (of course this happens when everyone’s online why wouldn’t they if it makes tim’s life more difficult) and everyone makes fun of him. duke printed out copies and plastered them all over tim’s apartment while tim was out for something and tim nearly murders duke. after that no one puts the chat on mute because this was too funny.

no one actually, like, texts on a regular basis because they’re not like other families 🙄 they only text if it’s really important or someone’s dying.

that’s being said, “dick where is dog” “send doggy” “dog?” “send doggy” “dick when did you get a dog?” “SEND DOGGY” “i demand you send the dog this instant” “dog now.”

damian breaks into dick’s apartment to take a selfie with him and haley (or bitewing, haley is just shorter to type) captioned “she is mine this is a warning to all of you. i will not hesitate if any of you low lives come near her.” and dick is like “??? this is my dog i can’t have anything these days, siblings take everything, man—” oh ya, everyone reacts to the haley photo with a heart. also dick only lets this shit slide with damian, if jason the problem child pulled this shit it would be on sight lmfaooo

- tim: the dog is cute but, but in photography i learned you have to crop out everything unimportant, like this *crops out damian from the photo*

- in other news, tim joined the dead bats club and now only bruce and duke are left 😃🔪

bruce: check in if you are alive. *everyone’s status is online*

u don’t know about y’all, but my bruce wayne is a responsible father who keeps an eye on his kids, or at least does his best, “has anyone seen duke? he has school and i can’t find him” “i will find him... if you give me $50.” “i will give you the money jason just tell me where he is” jason sends a photo of himself and duke laying down on the floor eating pop tarts.

-“literally why do you all keep coming into my apartment” “our apartment, dick” “i pay for this apartment it’s mine, i keep living in blüdhaven for a reason, god, siblings always steal everything that’s your’s—” it’s ok guys dick simultaneously has eldest daughter’s syndrome and absent sibling syndrome, who is doing it like him? legend behavior. anyways, duke and jason left crumbs on the floor and dick beat them up lmao.

“can i have money” “dad” (theyre sent by same person just different text) “yes cass i will sent you as much as you need, $2,000 is enough for shipping with friends?” “dad can i have money too” “dad can i too” “may i have some too dad” “dad” “dad” fhdjdjsks they only call him dad when they’re dying, want something, or are tattling on each other, someone save him 😩

“@everyone the interviewer in the last segment asked me if we have a family chat and i have a feeling they will try to pry into my texts to see what we are texting, please actually send something so they don’t get even more nosy from our lack of communicating” *someone sends the bee movie script*

ok but like, as time goes on they get more comfy texting each other and acting like a normal(ish) family unit that texts a little more. like tattling.

“someone broke the vase in the hallway and if they don’t want me to tell pennyworth who did it they will buy alfred the cat a new scratching post by nightfall” damian is so funny i love him

“HELPPVHRNXKAK” “what’s up with jason?” “cass is sitting on him” “lol” “i think she’s gonna break his arm fhdjdksk” “ANDBSJ I HAT E YO U A LL” “when did you all come to the manor???”

“😂” bruce vs “lol” dick and cass vs “agdhsjak” tim and duke vs “hA” jason vs “i don’t find any of you funny” damian

“damian i am putting your lemon cake pop thingies in the last bottom shelf on the right, i put the code and everything in the safe” “how often does damian even come to your apartment, dick?” “whenever you’re being an asshole bruce” “he’s always an asshole dickhead 🙄” “exactly 🥰”

“dad guess what” “TIM NOOO” “remember when” “TIM TIM TIM” “you told duke to take the day shift” “I WILL NEVER POST YOUR SNAP PHOTOS TO A GROUPCHAT WITH THE ENTIRE SUPERHERO COMMUNITY AGAIN!!!” “and he agreed to if he did his school work first?” “MERCY, MERCY” “what did he do, tim” “fjdjxkskkz duke goes on school zoom meetings during patrol and pretends he doesn’t have a mic and camera and i was watching his helmet footage and it was so funny, the teachers just believe him when he pretends to have really bad network and can barely type in the chat” “my teachers never trusted me that much” “that’s because you made a kid cry once jason stfu” “wait how did u know that cass—“

“AHDBSNZKAJHF” “stfu duke” “what’s wrong with him where is he?” “cain came to visit” “ohhhh” “FHDJFJDJ HELLPPPXSND” “i know you’re taking a video, you little shit, send it” “no todd come here and take one yourself—or don’t, your presence is unwanted” “fucking brat”

“DAD DICK HIT ME” “DAD JASON’S LYING” *bruce wayne online* (he doesn’t fucking respond fhsjskla) (is it because he’s exasperated with them or crying because they called him dad even though it’s a manipulation tactic or both we’ll never know)

“everyone who is alive, type in chat” *everyone is online* then bruce edits the message to say ‘everyone who wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, type in chat’ “i guess NO ONE wants alfred’s cinnamon rolls, how sad” and the entire chat goes wild lmfao

ok uhhh let’s do on a scale of 1-10 texts most vs is online the most

bruce: 6-texting, 5.9-online because he always makes an effort to text his kids to check up on them and when his kids are texting he will text as well here and there in the convo to interact with them because he never sees and interacts with them normally and he wants to do better 🥲. he get’s minus 0.1 because of that one time jason and dick were fighting and he logged off agdhsjnz

dick: 3-texting, 3.5-online because he’s the only one in this hellhole of a family that has an actual job (in this house we uphold gymnastics teacher grayson 🙏) and sometimes he won’t have energy to text. so. but he does make an effort when he can. he’s online more than he texts because he’s able to sneak looks at the fights when he has downtime during his job and wants to see the drama lmfaooo. also everything goes on in his fucking apartment for some reason, so now he gotta break up a (one sided) fight between cass and tim because someone has to be a responsible adult.

cass: 2-texting, 10-online because she watches more than she texts? she’s more content to watch what’s going on than to join in. also 8/10 she’s usually the one causing the drama that everyone’s texting about, like beating up the others, so she can’t text while beating them up. i mean she could, but she wants to put more energy in beating them up (lovingly) (cass is basically violence (loving)) and watching what everyone’s saying about her fights. she’s always online to catch a glimpse at the drama. also most of her texts are to dick to see bitewing. and ask for money.

jason: texting-8, online-4 because if cass is the one causing drama offline, jason’s causing drama online. jason wants to be chat cryptic but texts the most lmfaoooo. he’s antagonizing his siblings whenever he sees them and whenever he can’t, king shit. he’s online less because he deadass doesn’t care that much, he’ll read the texts later if he really wants to, otherwise either duke or tim will fill him in on the drama. (“jason ur in the chat too—“ “shut up, tim, now tell me how cass beat damian’s ass)

tim: texting-6.44444, online-10, see tim texts a lot just not to the family group chat lmfao, he has REAL FRIENDS 😤 uhh ya, that’s why he’s online all the time, cuz he’s either texting his friends or on his phone doing some shit. broke: tim stays up late working on cases, woke: tim stays up late texting his friends and playing video games over chat. tim just. interacts with his family, gets bullied by them, ya. that’s the life. also he and duke keep throwing hands because it’s the family curse to beat up tim and in this essay i will discuss how dick is the superior sibling because he never tried to kill tim—wait he probably pushed him down the stairs once nvm but it was totally justified, king

duke: texting-4, online-4 because he has, like, school. and daytime patrol. and is like a junior in high school and therefore has a fuck ton of homework. my boy has no time for family and he doesn’t want it because they’re annoying, obviously 🙄. if he wants drama he’ll go into damian’s room and get the drama. diy icon. he’s online as much as he texts but is so fast of a reader he’ll know the drama in time for the next episode of wayne family shit. most of his time online is picking fights with tim and roasting his siblings to a crisp. he’s so mean, guys, legend has it that one time duke told jason that his helmet looked like a shriveled up dildo and that it could never be the gay statement he wanted it to be jason went offline for that entire day in order to cry himself to sleep. at least he got sleep (allegedly) ayyy duke the problem solver.

damian: texting-1.5, online 2 because the only time he’s texting is to ask dick for photos of bitewing and to send photos of his pets back as proper payment. a negotiator ugghhh father like son. damian honestly doesn’t care about the drama he just wants to sketch bitewing (using the photos dick sent as reference) into the Family Portrait Sketch™️ of the rest of the Animal Family™️. it is an honor for damian to create such a piece, picasso the women hater quakes in his grave as such art that blows his dog shit “art” FAR out of the water is developing. anyways, he goes online for that and to throw random barbs at his siblings. like no one is online and damian just throws a “drake is stupid” in chat and just dips. he’s online more to text the other teen titans and jon because they’re better than his dumbass family (and he texts grayson on messenger so fhdjdjsks) true chat cryptic, jason envies him

alfred: 0-texting, 10-online. huh who said that

“duke take down the tik toks, tim is crying”

“who has my sweatshirt??? i will kill you all” “i have it jason” “nvm cass that’s your sweatshirt now i’m sorry for being presumptuous don’t aTTACK ME” fhdjdjsks

“guys i have the day off do you want to hear when delilah said to jonathon it’s so funny” “are those the kids in your gymnastics class?” “ya” “tell us everything”

the bats just... love hearing drama about those kids because they’re so dramatic. apparently alex threw a rubber ball at maya and she tackled them. wild.

time for a round of: WHO SAID IT?!?!

“how do i make my text bold like the rest of you?” —bruce, dick, cass, and jason at some point.

“how do i change my screen name? please change it back to before” -cass when tim changed her name to “hal jordon #1 stan” (“what is a stan” —bruce), (“i don’t like it either change it back” —bruce after finding out what a stan is)

“what the fuck is a pog” —jason

“fucking ‘tik tok’. we used to use vine when i was a teen. i was a front line soldier of great disasters” —dick on one hand lmfao dick is so old but on the other hand holy shit you used vine??? tell us more about the battles fought

“what is a dilf?” —bruce after scrolling through twitter

ok that’s all, my brain is gone.

“cass dick is turning purple get off him” “no. make him give me my scarf back.” “oh dad that’s terrible can you send a video as evidence?”

“GUYS I FOUND A CAT AND IT SCRATCHED ME AND IM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL BUT GUYS!!! CAT!!!” “drake send a photo of the cat immediately” lmfao bruce zooms to the hospital after that text

“GUYS THE CAT HAS AN OWNER I CANT KEEP THE CAT 🥲” “the one time you could prove to be of use and you fail, drake.” “wow tim, find a cat to steal without an owner next time” “timmy, timmy, timmy, i can’t believe you’ve messed up in finding a cat again” “again?” “again?” “again?” “when i adopt a cat i’m not showing any of you, i hate you all” (lmao hard version of guess who is who i’ll give you a hint dick cass and bruce are the confused ones. )ok it’s not hard anymore.

“dad please get me a cat 😳🐱 haha jk 🤣😩 unless 👀😏😃🙏🥰” anyways tim named the cat starry because of her fur-hair-thingy

“they just so you all know steph just crashed in my apartment and i have work in the morning” “i will pick her up in the morning” “you mean tim will, you don’t have a license, cass. anyways”

“dick do you need help moving?” “no, bruce, i think i can handle it, donna and wally are helping me anyways, but thank you” “mOVING???” “OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT???” “DICK THAT SAME APARTMENT ON 666 HELLHOLE AVENUE???” “...ya?” “NOOOOO” anyways they all break into dick’s new apartment when he moves in, walk around it, and then leave. they just... ya... damn, these bats...

anyways that’s all. see ya.