#or if ill keep the insta one the same and change mine on here to smth else

[skitskatdacat63]

The mortifying ordeal of choosing a new pfp

[the-haunted-office]

Please note, I have updated the TLDR part of my rules! I wanted to make sure to include the most important parts, while still keeping it trimmed down and easier to skim through. At least, that is my goal. I know my rules page is pretty long... It's that way because I know there are folks out there who are like me, who like having everything clearly outlined and thoroughly spelled out to eliminate any ambiguity. But I also know there are others who would not want to go near a long rules page, so that is the purpose of the TLDR. :p

Anyway, here is the updated version, just so everybody is on the same page! If anything seems unclear, though, please do let me know, because I definitely don't want there to be any confusion. Thank you!

⭐ TLDR

Mun: I go by Author, I’m in my 30’s, preferred pronouns are she/her, but they/them is also fine. I have anxiety, and while this usually does not hinder me from reaching out to initiate interactions, it does sometimes cause me to become quiet on the dash or to worry that I may have done something to upset others when I might not have. I ask that if you choose to follow me back and roleplay with me, that you please be patient with me during these times. Thank you.

Blog is Multi-fandom, Multimuse, Multiship, and crossover, OC, and self-insert friendly.

Private and mutuals only. 25+ age minimum, although I may go a couple years lower than that depending on material presented in your blog, rules, etc.

Dark themes are present, including death, terminal illness, horror, occasional gore and the like, emotional trauma, anxiety, mentions of suicide etc.

Mun ≠ Muse, period. Some of my muses may say mean, aggressive, or antagonizing things, but none of it is ever directed towards you, the mun. I will never take anything personally, either.

I usually reply within a few days, but feel free to inquire if it’s been more than a week. I have a kid and a busy life so sometimes things may be a bit more sporadic. Always feel free to chat ooc if you have any questions or concerns, with the shared understanding that we all have lives outside of rp. We’re all here to have fun!

No smut will be roleplayed on this blog. NSFW things may be discussed and alluded to, but not roleplayed. I do not have a problem with interacting with blogs who roleplay smut, though. I am also uncomfortable roleplaying excessive harm to children, abusive relationships, and inauthentic relationships with my muses without prior discussion (that is, being misled, being used, having it sprung on me, or my muses being abused by powertripping muns).

I am open to shipping! However it is not the main focus of my blog. I am not into insta-shipping - I prefer shipping with chemistry and after we’ve rped our muses together for a while. A good deal of my muses require time and patience to develop ships with them. I am willing to listen to thoughts and ideas if you have any, though, and will be honest about whether or not I think a ship could work. Always feel free to approach me if you have any thoughts, not just about ships but also about any plot ideas you have.

I am also okay with unrequited feelings between muses, both from my muse to yours and your muse to mine. If you aren’t comfortable with it, let me know and I can certainly make changes.

Trigger warnings - Please see the section below, I have a list of triggers I try to make a habit of tagging. If there are any you would like to be added, do let me know. I do my best to tag the ones my mutuals have asked me to tag, but sometimes I forget the less common ones as it’s hard to juggle them all. If I ever mess up, let me know and I will tag it immediately.

I try to reply within 1-3 days, but sometimes they may take longer. Feel free to reach out if it’s been longer than a week, though.

I’m not a stickler when it comes to reblog karma, but please don’t make a habit of reblogging memes from me but never sending anything in. It spreads poor morale throughout the rpc to treat each other like meme resource blogs.

When I follow your blog and tell you I want to roleplay with you, this is because I want to roleplay with you. If you follow me back, please extend this same courtesy to me. I would love to learn more about your muses, but I would also appreciate interest shown in mine, and most importantly I want to roleplay with you. If we aren’t roleplaying together, we may need to reconsider if we are a good fit as mutuals. Please note, I understand that real life takes precedence over roleplaying - I am busy with my personal life too. But if one or both of us is always visibly active roleplaying on the dash but we aren’t interacting with each other, then it may be time for us to part ways.

If you do not wish to interact with me any further, the simplest way to prevent me from following you again in the future is to hard block me. Softblocking may not get the point across because Tumblr has an unfortunate lovely feature where it will unfollow people for you - i.e. a glitch.

Always, ALWAYS feel free to reach out with any questions, concerns, thoughts, ideas, or just to chat. I’m ready to listen and love plotting and love chatting.

Read on if you like reading novels. 😛

[patrickbrewerisgay]

re: rpf drama again!!! 🤮

(tw for mention of suicide in regards to an anon message)

i was not going to post about this again because i said exactly what i wanted to say & got it all off my chest & felt much better about it after. actually i haven’t even THOUGHT about the whole thing since my little “rant” that i guess everyone loved (save one or two bad takes that i deleted, bc i was mad & then realized they were unproductive). i blocked everyone involved right away so i could be Done & move on & get back to the show & fandom that i really do love. but i’ve gotten a couple messages about things i didnt know about & i was just looking at wildxwired’s blog for the first time since the whole thing & i feel the need to comment on some stuff to clear things up.

(hopefully these cut things still function on this hellsite, though i don’t think they do anything on mobile)

1. i’ve never sent any “anon hate.” i feel like i’ve made it pretty clear that i am not a person who’s afraid of attaching my name to what i want to say. all i see on wxw’s blog is 2 messages (including the original that prompted her disgusting response, which i also DID NOT SEND) & then like a billion messages of “support” about the “hate,” so idk if there was more that she deleted. but i would NEVER tell someone to kill themselves?? i just want people to stop being gross, not die. also as a person who suffers from mental illness & has been suicidal in the past, & has also been on tumblr for a billion years & Seen Some Shit, i just. wouldn’t say that. you know only what people are posting about (which in this case is a very specific thing), you don’t know what else is going on in their lives & to prey on their mental health or deliberately try to trigger them is straight up vile & against every moral i hold. also in regards to anons, i am in constant contact with my group of friends who run other blogs on here & NONE of that is coming from us, or else i would know. we’ve moved on from you guys.

2. i don’t like rpf, but if you’re gonna do it, wildxwired actually did it the right way. she put it in a separate tag. she didn’t include any significant others. she even mentioned it was a sort of au. still don’t like it, but if you HAVE to do that, that’s a good example of how to help people avoid it, & also follows the compromise others & i suggested of keeping it out of the main tag. i also don’t care about your silly weird tentacle fics lol which i’ve already said don’t bug me bc they’re clearly ridiculous & in jest.

3. what i was specifically objecting to was wxw’s response to that anon, as well as those 4 drinkingstarsfic fics involving clare that everyone is supportive of, even if they didn’t write them. my main issue has ALWAYS been the involvement of real life significant others. i think it crosses a major boundary & i will continue to stand by that. idc as much about the other stuff, i obvs dont like it but it doesn’t horrify me in the same way. i still maintain that it’s non-consensual sexual content, even if it’s “only” written & even if the subject doesn’t know about it (even more non-consensual). how’d you like that stuff written about your sister, or even you? it’s violating. that’s MY stance that i stick by.

4. this has always applied to a very very small & specific group of people in this fandom that i can’t roll with. the vast majority of people i’ve met through sc have been AMAZING & honestly changed my life. i love this fandom so much & i (mostly) feel really safe here. i am getting everything i want out of my sc fandom experience & more.

5. y’all are like..... really misusing dan’s philosophy on love lol. he’s never meant “let anyone get away with anything & don’t speak out against things that you believe are wrong.” or else he wouldn’t have called out the reviewer who called him fey. or else he would just include homophobes in the show & show everyone loving them. he clearly has moral boundaries that he doesn’t believe people should cross, & he is vocal on speaking out against them. i admire that in him so much. also like he’s not a messiah, he’s not the boss of me & i’m not gonna follow all his personal philosophies like some kind of religious law lol.

6. censorship doesn’t mean telling someone on the internet your opinion about what they’re doing & how you BELIEVE they should take it down. censorship is FORCED. i’m not the government. i don’t even know HOW to report things on ao3 or if you even can. i don’t know their rules.

7. that one reply that was like “imagine being against rpf but loving your favorite actors so much that you know their anniversary” was so funny bc noah LITERALLY made an insta post about it yesterday. imagine loving your favorite actors so much that you follow them on social media.

8. for a bunch of women in their 30s, i’m like. appalled at how immaturely you all behave. get a life. stop deliberately goading people. stop harassing actual children on the internet. spend some time making a tangible difference in the world.

9. all the opinions i’ve expressed are mine & mine alone, & i do not claim to speak for anyone else, nor have i ever. so don’t take this out on others. if you have problems with me, address those problems directly to me. or get a proxy if you’re blocked. let’s behave like adults & communicate. OR let’s behave like adults & stop communicating when we can’t come to an agreement & it no longer is productive.

peace out losers ✌️

[lighthouseofthewanderess]

Shirkers

Yesterday night, I watched a Netflix Original Documentary called Shirkers, set in Singapore. It was a story about enthusiastic teens filming a movie in the early days when there were only reels and cans of film. Their director, ‘a man of untraceable age and origin’, absconded thereafter with the tape and they <spoiler alert> never heard about the footage until he died. As I went to sleep after it, I mulled about what I had seen. The way a 2-hour piece left me registering just a few shots -- the close-ups of mosquitoes taped onto notebooks, the cigarettes that every woman smoked, and Catcher in the Rye. The movie’s overarching theme was that in the world there were the shakers and the movers, and then there were shirkers. The ones who got up and ran away, broke free and did whatever they wanted to do. Zero responsibility. Here’s a new word for myself, I thought as the concepts was unraveled. I was a wanderess, a Benjamin Button, and now I was a shirker in my own sense.

My teenage years were a breeze for my mom. It was almost as though she braced herself for it but I never got in to any trouble. I was being a responsible adult like I had always been. The more I grew up, the more that word started to feel heavy on my shoulders. Choke me and mock me. So what did I do when I couldn’t keep it calm around me anymore? I ran away and avoided it. This was the mind state with which I moved to Pune. Unleash the freedom, let me taste what everyone’s going gaga about I thought as I got off the bus with my mom in tow on a rainy, gloomy day. I was left with some staff of the college first as we didn’t have any vacancy at PGs. It was both a good thing and a bad thing. Bad part was my mom paid a bomb for them to just let me occupy some space. The good part was that I dived into a new world and tried to take it all in. The red-eared turtles that had super soft necks. The Sundays spent watching them wax each other. The smell of tadka in the air as they all rushed in the morning to work. Every day I learned something new. And I processed it with all too much time in my life. I lazed around, spoke to the turtles, took them on a walk and sometimes I just sat in a bakery nearby and watched the people. In the rain, they all looked like huge ants scattering about.

When college started, I still had a lot of time. There was always one movie project in production, mostly with one of the seniors. I hung around them and helped wherever I could. We sneaked into parks were permission was denied, and shot in the blind spots where there were no cameras. And when we wrapped up and left, everyone looked like this was the only way to do it. We asked them nicely, but they denied. What else to do? Don’t worry so much about it. I on the other hand, was filled with euphoria that I got away with some trouble. So it was possible -- to do whatever you wanted and not fall prey to the normalcy with which others struggled. It was as though a very limited world, with rules set in stone, all vanished to leave a blank canvas. The real question was how was I going to fill it in and make it mine? Around this same time came the thought that changed me as a person. It divided my space and time into two halves -- the goody-two shoes girl who listened to everyone, had a plan for everything and always stayed two steps ahead of the rest, and the new procrastinator who went against her one-member family, stumbling and learning, but all the while loving and growing. I believed, in many ways, what Shirkers was trying to say: “In order to move forwards, you have to move backwards.” I had to unlearn the things that I thought were right so that I can look at the world with an objective eye. I had to let go of trying to earn praises from people so that I can find myself and give this new me to the world. And for Benjamin Buttons, this is a very hard thing to do. I started experimenting again, but this time not with hobbies or food. I was trying to stay true to myself and act in a way I wanted to be perceived instead of what others wanted to see me as. I forced myself to take breaks, slow down and try not to hold everything other. When I started doing that, things crumbled to ashes. I watched some ambitions burn down, some expectations lurking in the corner, waiting to be picked up and met. I felt I had made a wrong decision to be a Shirker and run away from my responsibilities. But once I had my pile of ashes, it was easy for me to be reborn. With everything shed, I could now choose a new identity. When I visited Bangalore every few months, my friends had started seeing the change. Some even stopped talking to me because they felt I had strayed too far. My mom was annoyed I wasn’t keeping my room clean. That I was up all night and sleeping in late. And me? I was beaming inside-out. This is the new me; and I’m a Phoenix. When I am bored of myself, I will burn every trace of my identity down and build myself up again. How cool yet powerful was that possibility? I could do it at will and don any hat I want. And to mark this rebellious phase and make it absolutely clear that I care only about myself, I went and got a tattoo on the back of my neck. It was a Phoenix.

There was a pack of wolves that I ran with in Pune. Prerna’s family, the Mahtanis Each one of them -- her, her sister, and her mother -- were all shirkers. They had some basic responsibilities in place but other than that they had their own version of UBE going on. From painting backdrops for birthday parties to choreographing sangeets at weddings, the two sisters did it all. And that energy, for me, was infectious. It was what I thrived on, no matter how less we slept or how unproductive an off day seemed. I left my flatmates behind and started living with them. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Archana would take out the car and we’ll just ride off into the dark. Buy ice cream (buy some meds as well), and head back. The house saw us play board games, do havans, party till morning, as well as work our assess off. This is life I told myself, but like always I would be wrong.

I got bored of that routine too. I wanted more than dhoklas for breakfast, and long rides from college to home. More importantly, I needed a change of scene. It’s time to burn down this chapter of my life. So I made the move back to Bangalore. Since I had freelanced a bit in Pune, I got into an ad agency and slowly worked on what adults do. A career. As I stepped back into goals and dreams I found myself sorely disappointed. I had it in my head that come what may, I will publish a book when I turn19. This later turned to 21. What was I doing when I was 21? That’s right, editing my film with a horrible hangover. Then I sifted through all my years in Pune -- it felt like I had done absolutely nothing in life while others were carefully building themselves for the world! The lesson was learnt; shirkers cannot be shirkers forever. For me to splurge and do what I wanted, I need a career that will get me the means too. And if I wanted to grow super fast, I needed to work super hard and forget the fun a little. Goodbye scrapbooking. Goodbye long nights nursing a bottle. Goodbye Shirker.

4 years into that change, the familiar and unsettling feeling crept in again. I knew I had to unwind a bit more, air out my mind a bit more, and simply let go of the world for a while. Bitterness had set in and was festering in my work. I couldn’t love what I did for a living, and because of that I didn’t love myself too. Walking in to work, I would just stop on the first flight of stairs and breakdown. Then it turned into waking up and breaking down. The idea of not being happy and yet confining to something I decided to do was tearing me in two. What was I doing with my goddamn life? My health was too messed up -- internal hemorrhaging, abnormally high thyroid, eye infections and a slew mental illnesses. I knew what the problem was, but I was afraid to risk what I had going on for me at work.The Shirker in me wanted to forget it all and disappear. And that’s exactly what I did.

I took a 2-week break and traveled alone; it worked like magic. I went back to running up some stairs to catch the sunrise on top of a lighthouse. I stood rooted in the storm and snuck in to the warmth of my room, drenched and satisfied. I stuck my tongue out and tasted morning air as I waited for my coffee. But most of all, I felt lighter. I used my phone only to take pictures, which I would compile into an Insta story at the end of the day. For the larger part, I would carry my faithful doodle knapsack which contained: a book, a notebook, my Instax, a water bottle, some money all rolled up and hidden. When I came back home, I came back with the idea that I didn’t have to choose between a Shirker and a shaker. And folks, is how I ended up writing this book. I asked Shivangi what she’s up to and she introduced NaNoWriMo to me. A whole month to dish out whatever you want to write from your heart. Why not, I thought. I shall take three steps back with my ‘must-publish-before-21’ dream so that I can propel myself forward with greater speed. Hello forever shirker.

[radmanraditz]

Raxceni-Mun’s Zero Tolerance of Shipping Drama, and OOC Jealousy || The Sequel Nobody Wanted

The last time I covered this topic was two and a half months ago when I had a shipping partner who was dissatisfied and decided to leave while simultaneously acting like I disrespected her special little snowflake muse because I didn’t give them the amount of smut and insta-romance they were looking for. Even when I told them over IMs that there was a reason I didn’t go for doing that sort of thing. (More on that can be read here.) Now I get to bring this topic back up again for a new but similar reason. 

A few days ago, on Sunday, it was revealed that one of my oldest roleplay partners and someone who is in a ship with my muse on this blog was being hypocritical and manipulative while trying to spread toxic rumors about another shipping partner and friend of mine, @goodxgonexbad. There was even more going on behind the scenes where Skye made her feel like she could barely post anything without being made to feel awful or guilty for talking about herself on her own blog. I’m not surprised by any of this because Skye has a long infamous history and reputation within the roleplay and DBZ fandom community. We just never knew she’d go this far.

I was extremely disappointed in her when I read and saw all the evidence of what she was doing not just to goodxgonexbad, but pretty much anyone who she felt slighted or threatened by. Many of which are also mutuals of mine. @cruciatusxcervus @data-cat, and others I’ve seen on my dash even if we haven’t interacted before. (Meanwhile she doesn’t seem to mind doing those things to others that she hates having happen to her. Dropped threads, ignoring threads while rping with others etc...)

What 5kye did wasn’t just “voicing her opinions” about goodxgonexbad and the others she was speaking ill of. This wasn’t your average shit talking, or vent session. It was purposefully malicious what she was insinuating to others and she was trying to get people to think ill of another female muse and mun and was motivated by jealousy and other petty reasons. Though Skye’s actions didn’t directly include me, they still had a negative impact on me. A very big, negative one. One that is still making me feel calm rage beneath the surface as I’ve gone about the past couple of days doing what I need to do. One I have a physical reaction to when I think about it. I am not exaggerating on this either. This kind of thing is actually a trigger of mine in the correct sense of the term. This kind of thing hits home hard for me, which is why I said in December that I WILL NOT TOLERATE JEALOUSY OR SHIPPING DRAMA! That includes things done towards my partners and other people in the roleplay community.

Since I try to be optimistic – but not blindly so – when I was new to Tumblr rp I decided I would roleplay with Skye despite all the negative things I had heard about her and her OC. (None of them were as heinous as this incident mind you...) There’s nothing wrong with wanting to give someone new to you a chance because some people can change if they really want to. Sometimes they just need some understanding and patience shown to them, and a chance to learn and grow. 

I gave Skye a chance, and I’m not obligated to give another one after what she’s done. Even if those she directly harmed decide to forgive and give her another chance. What she did was inexcusable in my eyes, especially when in December I put my foot down and said this kind of behavior won’t be tolerated. She’s been aware of my feelings on this matter. (Go look at the notes on that post I first linked to and you’ll see she gave it a like.) Had anyone done these same things to her and I found out about it, I would have been just as furiously protective of her as I am of goodxgonexbad. I’ve spent years dealing with the toxic side of the DBZ fandom and roleplay and I really don’t want to waste my time dealing with any of that mess if I don’t have to. But I won’t stand idly by and pretend like I don’t have an opinion on this kind of thing. I do not take toxic people and repeated unhealthy behavior lightly, because I have YEARS of experience dealing with this thing both in roleplay and IRL. 

So this is me officially stating that when people violate this very basic code of conduct, I am not obligated to continue roleplaying, shipping, or even speaking to them. Dropping my thread/s and dropping my ship with no intention of picking it back up again is what I’m choosing to do in response to what Skye has done. To continue as if everything is okay would feel like I’m condoning the things I vehemently fought against on GaiaOnline and even IRL. Choosing to “move on and pretend like nothing happened” may even enable her and anyone else to feel like this kind of ugly behavior can be looked over as long as they say “sorry” then delete the evidence of their mistake and possibly try to hide what they do again in the future. (Look at the responses then look at the notes...they’re gone because new partners wouldn’t want to see that now would they? I guess to Skye hiatus means go look for new partners and start her cycle all over again.) 

To continue roleplaying and shipping with Skye after all that’s happened would go against my own moral code. I do not easily forgive this sort of thing. Nor do I ever forget betrayal.

I do not enjoy having to make this decision to drop my thread/s and ship with Skye. I explained in great detail a day or two before this happened why I valued the roleplay experience I was having with her. In a lot of ways her ship with Raditz was the most progressive in terms of intimacy, even if it wasn’t a typical fluffy one. I was invested in responding to our thread and having our muses progress as a couple and as characters. But seeing the cattiness and attempts to sabotage goodxgonexbad’s ships with other people and push her out of the roleplay scene out of jealousy – and her being very conscious of her own actions btw – just disgusts me to the very core of my being for a lot of personal reasons that both have and have not been voiced before. It is a valid enough reason to want to put an end to all that.

Know that if you choose to continue to roleplay and talk with her that it is fine. It is your decision to make. All I ask is that you know who you’re dealing with, and you don’t come at me trying to guilt trip me or make me change my mind about what I’ve decided to do in response to this situation. Trust me, I thought long and hard about it. 

I do not have to feel obligated to continue interacting with someone I don’t want to interact with and who makes me uncomfortable in any way, shape or form.

Again, I’ve spent years of my life dealing with a group of people who have done exactly what she’s done on Gaiaonline. People who never changed no matter how hard I tried to get them to cooperate and enjoy a healthy rp environment. They fought dirty, used alternate accounts, plotted against myself and others in shadows behind private messages, while I was willing to be seen in the open and criticized for my beliefs, logic, and reason. It is exhausting physically and emotionally to write things like this post and that response to her OOC post from the other day. I also believe that I should not have to continue to put myself in a position where I’ll have to keep dealing with this.

I have nothing more to say to Skye that would be kind or constructive at this point in time. Other than I hope she learns from this if she can, and that she doesn’t continue targeting other female muses and/or muns like they’re a threat or treating roleplay like it’s a competition and she needs to eliminate her “rivals.” Maybe get some help if she “can’t control her emotions.” For her own sake and the sake of sake of others in the future. 

So far she doesn’t seem to get why being emotionally abusive and making someone in our community feel unwelcome when they did nothing wrong is bad. 

She’s not sorry about what she did to goodxgonexbad. She’s just sorry she got caught and now has lost a lot of partners INCLUDING ME. Something she’s probably aware of since she just made this post and deleted it TODAY!

If you find some way to read this Skye, know that I’m choosing to do this FOR MYSELF AND TO PRESERVE MY OWN ENJOYMENT WITH A HOBBY. NOT BECAUSE I’M TRYING TO BREAK YOU. 

YOU ARE NOT WORTH MY TIME TO BREAK. 

From this day forth my rules will VERY CLEARLY state that malicious actions and attitudes of this sort will not be tolerated. Ever. Not here or on @nappainanotherdimension. 

And I want my current and future rp partners to know they can come and talk with me if something like this happens again with Skye or anyone else. It’s not easy to share your plight because of the fear of not being believed, or sometimes you don’t even know what’s going on, or what to do. I’ve been there too, and you don’t have to deal with it alone. Our roleplay community is kind and understanding for the most part, and chances are you’re valued more than you believe.

Take care of yourselves, everyone. Even you, 5kye. 

[wildgrave]

what do u love about ur friends

idk which one of ya sneaky bastards sent this but i’m not gonna complain b/c i will take any possible opportunity to gush about my friends.

update: this got entirely out of hand and i just wrote about like... everyone i talk to. if u talk just ctrl + f ur name (but don’t feel bad if you’re not in here b/c i’m doing this off the top of my head and can’t remember everyone!! also a lot of these are hs friends who don’t have tumblrs but u asked anon so)

i honestly love them all for different reasons tho!! i’m not going to tag everyone but: thanh is great for a straightforward answer & we have the same awful sense of humor which is basically 8 years of memes to reference (also she says no romo a lot which i find rly funny for some reason??). hannah is super loving and supportive and always looking out for me. jessie is wry and clever and honestly has every reason to get annoyed at me 24/7 but somehow doesn’t. whitten i talk to every day and is super rational about my problems which is helpful when i need solutions (also dank memes). gaby is great b/c we both have a lot of the same interests (feminism, art, fashion, shit-talking ppl, etc) and gets riled up about my problems which is great when i need someone to get angry with. colette also gets angry, usually angrier than me, about my problems and is the best person to offer to beat boys up (b/c i know if she gets drunk enough she will fight anyone). kathleen is great b/c we always end up doing something ridiculous and it’s fun and makes a good story. brooke is the fucking funniest person i have ever met and thinks she’s punk rock but is secretly boujee as fuck. amber also thinks she’s punk rock, but has the softest, purest heart of gold of anyone i’ve ever met (also she comes up with the most ridiculously hilarious ways to proposition me). claire and i can talk about absolutely anything and send each other close ups of pimples but also take nudes of eachother and honestly if thats not true friendship then what is?? sofie is honestly brilliant and always has clever comments to make and i’m lowkey in love with her to this day and i mean, if you’re not a little in love with your friends wyd?? mila is so sweet and i can have fun with her doing anything, like we don’t even need to go anywhere we can just have philosophical talks on my bed and it’s chill. sammy and i have only chilled irl once but she’s really quiet and nice but occasionally makes rly snarky comments about straight ppl which are hilarious. lucy is never on skype but when she is we have a fuckin field day and she’s so petty but like... in a funny way? i’ve only hung out with andie once (which i’m trying to change before she goes back to vegas) but she’s so into musical theatre and i love reading her tweets about it b/c i love how passionate she is! dylan makes awful decisions on the daily like... blowjob competition? rly dyn? and it’s so funny to hear about and he gives ridiculous but funny advice and is super australian and always says “bruv” which is super funny to me. jenna i’m p sure is going to be running the world in two years (also holy shit she’s graduating college?? my bb girl is growing up :’)). adja is so funny b/c i thought she was super by the rules in hs but now she’s a wild child. aidan (as in the senior in hs, not the one my age) sends me #relatable memes and even tho we don’t talk often it gets deep as shit when we do (but i lowkey don’t trust him b/c of his opinions of iron fist smh). allie is in my race & ethnicity class and is just nice all around and we DM eachother on twitter sometimes like ‘what was that awful presentation in class’). nick from polisci is so knowledgeable about politics but makes the issues funny w/o being offensive and shannon (also from polisci) dresses rly cute and we have fun conversations & the three of us have a funny group chat for our presentation. quinn is such a wannabe edgelord but is honestly so pure and a good friend. asmaa is the sweetest possible person and we always tease quinn together. ricky continously gives me a hard time about everything but in a funny way and patiently explains WoW lore to me. JT is also fun to play WoW with and makes me feel like a baby b/c he’s and old man. rebecca’s steadfast belief in drarry makes me smile and i love her writing. harri is one of my many wives and her snapchats are amazing (as are her boobs). kinzie i rarely talk to but i can still hit up sometimes like whats up bitch today i had sex while listening to wtnv. cassie, becca, and eleanor are all rly cool and super pretty and nice to chill with and i love their art and photography and general personalities. georgie gave me the sweetest poem and letter last summer when i was feeling down and we have similar aspirations and i’d love to work with her in my career sometime! marko and henry are married istg but anyway marko is such a genuine, honest person and henry is an amazing writer and i loved english with him and it’d make me happy if we were closer. lena is my protege and i am an awful mentor b/c i never see her since i graduated but she is my child. layla is the baddest bitch i have ever met, her nails are always amazing and we can be catty together and blast nicki minaj. sarah is so funny b/c everyone thinks she’s reserved and studious and stuff (and she kinda is) but once you get to know her she is the sassiest person you will ever meet. my sister and i fight sometimes over me stealing her clothes constantly but we bond over how our parents drive us up the wall and also she cooks a lot which means i can steal food. the entire volstovic cycle fandom (dani, scarlett, anna, crystal, etc) are all amazing creators of things and honestly an inspiration. rimsha is the hardest working person i have ever met and i love hearing about her succeed. brady is my fellow gay (tho tbh 90% of the ppl on this list are gay b/c we flock together) and i love him for his snarkiness. all the boys i sat at lunch with in high school (garrison, rex, arun, etc) are such memes but i didn’t realize how cool they were until we graduated and now i’m like, damn i should’ve paid them more attention even tho i saw them every day. my boyfriend is my friend and he’s the most politically active person i have ever met, and he’s such a dweeb, and he makes me smile whenever we’re together (even when i’m trying to be angry at him). feihong acts like a fuckboy but is pretty dang cool if i’m being honest; he’s rly dedicated to what he does. carly and i don’t talk but i appreciate her paintings and selfies and funny tweets from afar. morgan and i were at a fidlar concert once together and we both couldn’t survive the mosh pit (also her instagram captions are fuckin hilarious am i right or am i right?). kelly is a goddamn klepto but we always have fun together drinking coffee and talking about pens and i love and support her art and she does the same for mine. charlotte is chill and i miss just hanging out in her basement b/c she’s such a gemini but in a good way. the ppl i sit with on campus (sumaiya, alex, zuri, etc) are always having interesting convos and share food and it’s a good time. my cousin and her husband (nat and ron) are the most punk ppl in their 30s and they introduced me to the punk scene and i miss them b/c they moved back to kansas. shakey’s photography on insta makes me feel pensive and i want to go to philly just to meet her. miki i’m not super tight with but her writing is a+ and makes me cry and i love rping with her. rina is such a cool mutual and her art is dope. lea is also a cool chic and i love her hair and want her to bake my wedding cake. mousse is so nice to everyone. ellie and i only talk like twice a year at family parties but we can always dive back in and pick up where we left off. the ppl i party w (other aidan, jakob, justin, etc) are dumbasses (i use that term endearingly) but i’m 98% sure they’ve all carried me to the toilet when i’ve been puking my guts out at a party. marley was that friend that ended up going to yale and no one was surprised so i admire her success but also she was always kind to me and always asked how i was doing with my mental illnesses. renee and maria and i bonded over ib art and sga and generally being over-worked by our sponsor. alanna was another one of my proteges who i need to keep up with better b/c she’s badass and funny and has the best eyebrows ever. i don’t talk to sidney anymore but we went thru so much together and supported eachother a lot a few years ago and i still love em for that. eddie is such a dweeb, everytime i see him (which is a surprising amount considering he lives in miami) we act like nothing has changed and go at eachothers throats. rachel m & galen have both grown so so much since i met them and i’m proud of them. rachel s is so fun to talk about hoe things with and laugh at eachother. marco has the best finsta of anyone ever. danny and i talk over snapchat every so often (like every month or so) and we have the weirdest convos like?? let’s name your imaginary lizard. zamzam (from my creative writing class last semester) was super fun to hang out with when she came over and actually everyone in that class (xander, leah, olivia, will, etc) were excellent writers and hilarious and we all bonded. victor is such a bro honestly he’s funny and is very attentive (actually listens) and is fun sober or not. sandra i’ve known since i was a baby and never really talked to until recently but she’s so nice to talk to about small things. alyssa i stalk obsessively on goodreads b/c who else can read that much, istg girl you’re a cyborg (but like a pretty one). rp buds that i haven’t mentioned so far (mario, mackenzie, etc) i value a lot for their companionship and writing. there are tons of ppl from hs that i wish i had gotten to know better when i was there (julia, drea, tina, both erins, bridget, etc). 

and yeah there are more ppl but those are mostly ppl i talk to at parties or dm occasionally or wish i was friends with but admire from afar. anyway. this got long. I JUST LOVE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!

[geek-and-nerd-are-not-the-same]

“If you missed this article, I recently underwent a full 30-day commitment to self-tape a scene every single day. No batching. No cheating. Blah blah blah. I also posted about it every day from my Instagram here.

A few people even got so pumped they asked to participate with me...I can safely say I love all the enthusiasm, but it died shortly after on day 3. So I pushed on alone. Here is how I set it up, what I learned, how I (kind of) did it, what I wish I could have done, and what I am planning for the future.

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the technical set up

I posted about my lighting set up in this article, I highly recommend having an easy at home set up not only for this but for your own random auditions. Rarely do auditions come in at convenient times and there is a solid chance you won't be shooting in the purest daylight. I also use this camera rig to prop my iPhone on one of the light poles, then simply move it back to the side of the office space when I'm done. As few technical steps as possible will make this (and all self-tapes) a lot easier and then you can focus on the thing you are required to be good at...the acting. I prefer to shoot with the app FilMic Pro, just because the quality is solid and the ability to adjust the lighting on the video itself is so key.

getting material

I seemed to have picked a solid few weeks of summer wherein I had little to no auditions. Yay. Thank god I keep sides. I know a lot of people therapeutically throw them away after every audition, but I have a massive file folder they go into instead. And not just mine. I also put in scripts I was actually hired to work on, sides I used with friends, or even VO's. But if that's not something you have on hand, I have a few suggestions. 1, ask your fellow actors from FB groups, classes, etc to pass along anything they don't have to sign an NDA for (duh), 2, keep a list of the projects you self-submit for and then head to ShowFax and search the sides for the projects (whether you get them or not, if you pay for a membership you have access), or 3, Google literally any movie or TV show with the word "pdf" after it and you'll probably find the script. This option will obviously require a little more effort to search specific scenes.

getting readers

Other actors will tell you they want to help you...but actually getting on the same timeline is easier said than done. I used my boyfriend (thank you again Caleb....thank you) for a LOT of my auditions (did I say thank you?) mostly because he lives in the same home. Recruiting roommates would be helpful too. If you've been a reader for your friends before, nows the time to cash in on those favors. There's a good chance they too could use some dialogue work. Skype is a viable option, it's annoying and not as clean and simple as in-person, but I resorted to this a time or two to get a reader. Last ditch efforts: monologues (I know) or recording the other half of your lines on video on your computer.

*What I wish I would have known: WeRehearse. This is an online platform based on self-tapes. Not only does this revolutionary company run taping over webcam, they also provide readers if you just need to rehearse, as well as casting and other opportunities. And you can make money by becoming a reader yourself...win/win! Keep an eye and ear out, you'll be hearing more about them soon!

getting it "done"

The hardest part by far was just working the material and getting it into a good enough place to film it. I would schedule my taping session into my calendar the night before (I have a whole post coming soon on how I use my calendar) and then make it happen. I will tell you, not every piece was my finest work. Somedays they were just...complete. Usually, I would not have time till 8-9pm and would film without any makeup, my hair in a messy bun, sweating profusely (side note: don't do this in the dead heat of summer without central air).

*What I wish I would have done: I wish I would have picked my scenes in advance, about a week or so. Scrambling to get it together minutes before my reader arrived was stressful and I never felt properly dressed to be on camera.

where i went wrong

Mid-way through the process, I lost steam. On top of that my grandmother got pretty ill and I needed to travel to see her. I had already traveled quite a bit during the time I set aside (nothing new, we all know self-taping when out of town is a skill we should have since the second you book out, they come flying in!) but this was different. A full few days of solid family time require a lot more attention, so I set aside my challenge for those 4 days. Getting back into it was hard after that. I felt like I failed because I took time off. I had lost my streak. I managed to go the next few days but then I started a new acting class intensive that required a lot of rehearsals and I also started interviewing for a new job. I hit day 26...and stopped. That's right folks: I did not complete the 30 days.

*What I wish I would have done: I tend to go really all into an idea. And never just one idea at a time. For example, I finished Improv, started a new class, did this 30 Day Challenge and decided to change jobs so I could spend more time on acting...within the same 6 weeks. Great in theory...terrible in execution.

I learned a LOT though. Getting material into my hands every single day was a game changer for my skills. Getting off the page comes quicker now than it has in months. I hope to keep the skill sharp AF. I also love that I was an actor every single day. I went to bed knowing I did some sort of work on my career...even if the only thing anyone would see was my screenshot on my Insta-story. And that is priceless.

The next time I do the Self Tape Challenge, it will be 7-10 days long. And all my material will be reel-worthy. And I will film them all as if they were going to execs at Warner Brothers...anyone wanna join?”