#or if i didn't address your issue correctly

[sage-nebula]

I've watched pretty much all of Jenny Nicholson's videos (despite not being into most of the things she's into) for a variety of reasons, but one of the reasons I watch her content is because I think that she seems like a truly stand-up kind of person. Of course, given that she is a person creating content for YouTube, we're only allowed to see the version of herself that she wants us to see. I'm under no illusions about that. But the version of herself that she presents to us, the viewers, seems to be a person who is not only genuinely passionate about the things she discusses (and honest about why she'll hold back on discussing certain topics when fans of those topics can be awful about it), but also who considers the experiences of (for lack of a better phrase) the average person when it comes to the theme parks and other experiences that she reviews.

Three specific instances come to mind: one from the Evermore video, and then two from her most recent Star Wars hotel video. (Side note: she was so, so right that Disney marketing is stupid as hell for not letting influencers et cetera use the common names for things. The average person doesn't know what "Galactic Starcruiser" is, but will understand "Star Wars hotel." Get it together, Disney.)

In the Evermore video, Jenny talks about how she emailed Evermore Park ahead of her visit to try to get more information prior to her visit. Things like whether there was a dress code, what she could expect when she arrived there, information that should have been readily available on the website but wasn't. She mentions that she could have mentioned that she's an influencer and that she probably would have gotten a response (because they never emailed her back), but that she deliberately chose not to.

"So I did attempt to email ahead of my visit, trying to ask basic questions about the park and inquire about renting it out. When I did that, I was intentionally vague; I didn't link my channel, and I didn't use my primary email. And I sort of suspect that if I had done the whole influencer song and dance -- said my channel name, my subscriber count -- I might've had better access to the park, and perhaps even a better experience. But that wasn't the point. I didn't want to call ahead. I'm the mystery diner! I'm the undercover boss! If you can't deliver an equivalently good experience for all guests, that's on you and your business." [x]

Then, in the Star Wars hotel video, there were two instances in which Jenny had to reach out to Disney customer support for assistance, and received absolutely nothing in return. The first was when she paid for a photo taking service, but had absolutely no photos taken of her. When she reached out to Disney customer support for a refund, they refused to give her said deserved refund. The second instance was when she had purchased a large droid figure from the hotel, and had it shipped to her house via the Disney shipping service. The Disney shipping service inputted her address incorrectly (in fact I think she says they put in a completely different address altogether), so her droid was lost. Once again she reached out to Disney customer support to find out what she could do about this expensive item she had purchased, only to be told that they couldn't do anything to help her.

In both cases, Jenny took to twitter to post about how Disney was refusing to a.) issue her a refund for a service she paid for but never received, and b.) help her receive an item she'd paid for but never received. Both times, Disney reached out immediately, issued her the refund, and overnighted her lost item. Jenny correctly identifies that they only did this because she's an influencer with a large twitter following, and has this to say in the video:

"They didn't even ask for my phone number. Like someone at Disney just did the legwork to go into the database, look up my booking info, find my phone number and then call me within a day of the tweet going out. And the person who called me was really nice, and I'm thankful he cared to resolve it. BUT, I just always feel very cynical when I try to resolve issues through the appropriate channels available to all customers and nobody will help me until they find out I'm an 'influencer.' I spoke with several other guests who got [the photo taking service] and had the exact same problems as me, and they never got refunds." [x]

And

"But then after I tweeted about it on my twitter account with a lot of followers, Disney suddenly resolved it and they sent me a replacement. They actually overnighted it to me. And along with it they sent a lot of miscellaneous goodies which I really appreciated. So here again, I feel if this had happened to anyone without a lot of twitter followers, they would have had a significantly more frustrating experience." [x]

I feel that this post will probably read as giving Jenny kudos for doing the bare minimum. And I think that on some level, that's true. But it's true because nowadays, many influencers won't even do the bare minimum. They would have Disney immediately issue them a refund, or overnight the droid to them with the additional goodies, and then make posts gushing about how great Disney's customer service is, despite knowing full well that the (again for lack of a better term) average person who doesn't have a huge internet following would never receive that kind of support from Disney. Similarly with Evermore, most influencers would call ahead and flex their follower count to try to get a bespoke experience to then show on their channels. They wouldn't want the same experience everyone else gets. That won't generate good content, in their eyes, and besides, they're better than that. Don't you know who they are?

But Jenny, despite her follower counts, keeps it real. Yes, she appreciates that Disney did give her the deserved refund and did send her the droid + gifts. But she also points out, both times, that if she'd been a person without a large twitter following, they would not have done that, and people in the exact same position she was with the photo service didn't get their deserved refunds. With Evermore, she didn't call ahead because she DOES want the same experience everyone else gets. She wants to be able to give a genuine review. Whether that review is positive or negative is dependent on the business itself.

Again, this probably seems like giving Jenny kudos for the bare minimum of decency. And I agree that on some level it is. But I also think that, in today's day and age, we really don't get that with a lot of influencers, who are in it for the sponsorship money (and who get their egos way inflated), and so it's nice to have a reviewer / theme park influencer who is honest with her opinions, and who recognizes that yeah, Disney did give her special treatment, but that it shouldn't have been special treatment, that they should be helping all of their guests like this, through the normal channels that she tried using, and they are a shit company for not doing that.

I just really appreciate Jenny.

[ms-demeanor]

*screaming*

*continued screaming*

Okay. So. My introductory Visual C# class.

The professor for that class was Alice. Alice was the person who spoke in the introductory video and the person who we were supposed to email if we had any issues.

But all of the assignments, lectures, and quizzes were written and delivered by Bob. On the youtube channel "Bob's programming academy." The quizzes included Bob's name, like "if you do X will it return the string ProfessorBob, Professor, Bob, or Professor.Bob?"

This class was really frustrating for me because it was structured in such a way that you could easily pass the class with zero knowledge of the subject - it was totally based on quizzes that you could take an unlimited number of times and we *had* weekly programming assignments but they weren't graded so there was no incentive to do them (and look, if I wanted to teach myself programming with no incentives I could fail for several years to do that on my own, I don't need to pay fifty bucks a unit for that; the reason I am in a *class* and am not self-taught is because I need external motivation. That's why I sought out a class).

Also when there *was* a problem with an instruction that was unclear in one of the videos for the assignments, or if I thought I'd done something correctly that was very much incorrect, it wasn't Alice who had created the instructions, it was Bob - in 2017 no less - and I didn't really feel like I could ask Alice for help with an ungraded assignment that she hadn't written.

So. Now. My Python class.

Today is the first day of class. Professor is Charles.

I go to the mandatory attendance quiz and it is word-for-word the same mandatory attendance quiz as the C# class, down to the final question "what is your personal email address so I can keep in contact with you after the semester?"

I look at the syllabus.

Class grade is based on quizzes. We have assignments but none of them are graded. There's no textbook, just a series of videos from Professor Bob's Programming Academy.

So I'd been toying with staying at this school and trying to take more CS classes instead of going to another school, just to try to keep my records easier to manage, but since it seems like that *ENTIRE DEPARTMENT* is five Professor Bobs in a trenchcoat, I will probably be going somewhere else (and once again trying to force myself to do projects that I already know are *good for me to do* but *useless for the class and a massive time suck*)

I should drop this class. I should drop this class and apply for the other school so that I can start taking classes there in the spring because if I take this class and then go into the object oriented programming class in the spring and it's another professor bob sock puppet and I end up taking twelve units of programming classes where all I learn is how to google answers in a short time frame (something I already know how to do thanks) I am going to fucking lose it.

Also, again: I have a Bachelor's Degree. I spent five years at a community college when I was getting that degree. I took probably a dozen online classes starting in 2005 and going until 2011 in the process of getting that degree.

THIS bullshit, this "I'm your professor but actually I'm not and all the materials were created by someone else in the department or came directly from the textbook publisher and there is no writing and there are no assignments everything is multiple choice quizzes that are automatically graded" is *dogshit.*

This is NOT how online classes worked back in my day, not even online math classes, and as much as I know adjuncts are getting fucked over by academia in general, this isn't something that these professors should be getting paid as much as they are to do. Alice checked whether or not students turned in a hello world assignment and gave a pass/fail grades for three discussion boards that were responses to youtube videos. Nothing else in the class required her input. If this is the level of instruction that students are getting then the class is already automated and the students shouldn't have to pay for it.

This is crap. This is an incredible level of crap.

[furiousgoldfish]

Abusers gaslighting you will most often be about a situation where they did something wrong, cruel, hurtful and abusive, very much intentionally, and then their version of the story switches the blame on you, it depicts you as being the one who is cruel, hurtful and abusive, or alternatively, you're cruel hurtful and abusive for remembering the situation or calling them out for their behaviour, when they claim none of this even happened. If the abusers often gaslight you and try to make you second-guess your own memories and senses, eventually you will struggle with trusting your senses and feel like you can't trust your own memory and have to take on their version. But here's some reasons why gaslighting can be caught onto and confirmed that it doesn't make any logical sense.

If this person/people are claiming that I am the one who is continually hurtful, cruel and abusive, why are they insisting on keeping me in their life? Why do they keep taking measures to make sure I can't get away or am dependant on them, if they truly find me selfish, hurtful, insane, and abusive? Wouldn't they want to make way for me to get away from them, instead of endlessly convincing me that I'm the one who is in the wrong in every single situation?

If I am remembering things wrong, how come it's only the memories where my abuser/s look bad? All memories where they look good are somehow correct, that can't be right? If I remember things wrong, it would be both good and bad, not only situations that make them feel bad about themselves.

If these people seriously believe I'm someone who invents crazy stories of abuse, cruelty and torture, how do they still feel safe interacting with me? Aren't they worried I'll suddenly come up with an imaginary scenario telling everyone they did something horrible to me that they didn't do? Why don't they keep away from me if they truly believe me to be such a freak?

If I am truly someone who is doing awful and abusive things to these people/this person, how come it's never called out until I come out calling them out first? Why is my behaviour only addressed after I speak out first? How come it's never a problem all the other time when I'm not actively trying to figure out what the truth is? How come it's only relevant when they'd like me to shut up and stop asking questions and asking them to acknowledge reality? And then suddenly I am a problem. If I am a problem, I'd be a problem the entire time, not only in specific situations that they want to get out of.

If these people truly believe that I am losing my memories, inventing new memories, can't be counted on to remember the past correctly, or to comprehend and understand what is going on around me, why wouldn't they be concerned about this, and try to get me help? If they truly believe I have memory distortions and reality distortions, wouldn't they want to make sure I'm getting some kind of help, that I'm being supported to get a better grip on reality? How come this is only an issue for them, but no concern for me, other than me being condescendingly told to 'get help' or that I need to be 'institutionalized', in order to scare me, is that how loving people react to their loved one losing grip on reality? People are deadly worried for their loved ones who are losing the sense of reality, this usually happens due to a serious brain disease and people struggling with it can no longer safely take care of themselves; it's a cause for concern and extra care. Yet they show no inclination to want to care or help at all for this perceived 'problem' they claim I'm having, and use it to scare me into believing that this is my own fault. Does It make sense for them to react with such relish and condescension if they believe that this problem is real? Wouldn't they only act like this if they invented this idea in order to hide their abusive behaviour behind the lie that I remember things wrong, and need to shut up about it?

If I remembered things wrong, that would be a discussion, we could sit and talk about how I remembered things and why, instead of my version being shut down and me being told off for even voicing it, that is not a normal reaction. In what situation is a person who 'remembers things wrong' not even allowed to speak their own memories? Why would it be bad that these 'wrongly remembered' events ever come to light? Wouldn't it be interesting to know, if someone remembered something completely wrong, to hear their version? Rather than being dead-set on shutting that down, like those memories are an active threat for their well being.

It doesn't make sense. If abusers truly believe that you're a person disconnected from reality, who is also cruel, selfish, abusive and unreliable in every way, then they would react very differently to you than they do. If they had a truly bad opinion of you, and you were a harmful person to their well being, they would not want to keep you around, they would not dare to take their shit out on you, they would  not dare to tell you what to do, how to think, what to believe, they'd be scared. But they're not. They're instead acting like they're right to control your every movement and thought, and right to tell you which of your memories you're allowed to remember and voice.

Their behaviour suggests there's something in your memories they're dead set on suppressing and hiding, even at the cost of your own sanity. That is not a behaviour of loving, concerned, innocent people.

[sineala]

I subscribe to the newsletter of an author I like who wrote a book about 9/11 and the War on Terror and the security state in the US and how it led to the election of Trump, and it's all very serious but apparently the author is writing an Iron Man comics series. I don't read the comics, and a lot of what I know about them comes from your fic, so I'm honestly not sure how much fanon vs canon knowledge I have. 😂 But the series sounds like it might be interesting I think? The author talked about it in his newsletter today. (This link should work. Probably.)

https://www.forever-wars.com/iron-man-how-to-blow-up-a-pipeline-succession/

I am actually really excited about this run! I try not to get excited about new Iron Man runs because chances are high that my hopes and dreams will be crushed, and I know that just because someone writes, say, stunningly excellent non-fiction, it is not a guarantee that they will be great at writing fiction at all or superhero comics specifically (cf. Ta-Nehisi Coates on Cap), but judging by everything Spencer Ackerman's been saying in interviews, his run sounds like it's going to explore a lot of interesting themes.

The post you linked links to an AIPT podcast that he was on a few days ago to talk about his new Iron Man run. For those of you who don't listen to podcasts (this is also me), the Iron Man subreddit has what seems like a fairly comprehensive summary of the interview, and I am really looking forward to the run. Issue #1 apparently hits stores on October 23.

But I will tell you why I am actually now really excited about this run. It's not relevant to anything about the comic itself. I am nonetheless very excited.

Last month, after he was announced as the new Iron Man writer, in order to hype up his run, he posted an offer on his blog: if you add the run to your pull list, and you email him proof that you're pulling his run and include a snail-mail address, he will mail you some cool Iron Man stickers.

I eventually got around to doing this last week. I was assuming he didn't actually pay attention to any of these emails so I dashed off a couple sentences about how I was looking forward to his take on Tony because he'd posted a photo of the Iron Man comics he was reading for research and several of them were among my favorites. And then I went off to get bagels.

By the time I had come back with bagels, twenty minutes later, he'd written me a very nice reply substantively engaging with the content of my extremely off-the-cuff message -- geez, if I'd known he was going to be actually reading them I would have put a lot more thought into it, you know? It was very kind and I was not expecting it.

He spelled my first name wrong in the reply, despite it being in the email header and also the name I had signed the email with.

This happens to me a lot. I have a first name that is very common in a lot of languages, but none of those languages are English. I'd say there's a 50-50 chance that a native English speaker will spell or pronounce my name wrong. This is unfortunate, because I live in the US and mostly interact with native English speakers. (My wife @lysimache immediately knew how to pronounce my name. I mean, it wasn't why I married her or anything, but I feel like it was a big plus on a personal level.)

If I have to give my name for something, I will reflexively spell it. The second-to-last time I voted, they'd switched voter lookup to you giving them your name rather than you giving your street address, which was a surprise that filled me with dread. My wife was in line ahead of me and she was completely finished voting by the time the poll workers had finished correctly spelling my name. (The last time I voted, I just handed them my ID, which is not required in my state, but I really wanted this to go faster.) I went to the doctor last week, and when they called my name in the waiting room, they said it wrong. I corrected them. They said it differently wrong a couple minutes later. I corrected them again. They said it wrong again. At that point I gave up.

(If I could think of a name I liked better that I was absolutely sure that most people could spell and pronounce, I would change my name. I still have not found one.)

So, you know, I'm used to it. It happens. Frequently. I was not at all surprised that he spelled it wrong.

He then emailed me again to apologize for spelling my name wrong. Like, immediately. One minute later. He said he was sorry and he knew a lot of people with a similar name.

Dude. Nobody does that. Nobody actually apologizes. Especially not in an email to a rando like me. He did not need to do that. At all. I was not expecting him to do that. He did that. I was honestly touched. No one bothers to do that. But he did.

I got my stickers in the mail yesterday.

I have redacted the portion of the note that has my name in it, but he absolutely spelled my name correctly.

Mr. Ackerman, sir, I hope your comic sells a million copies.

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #9] White

warnings: birdie time he he. honestly just very wholesome all round, but the embers are burningggg, they’re very wet! fantastic! (1) mention of Hang Sơn Đoòng (worlds biggest cave).

soundtrack: lemon - loco, hwasa; safety zone - j-hope

wc: 6k

bd total wc: 540k (on-going)

minors dni | AO3 | series masterlist 

It's mid-morning the following Monday when Jeongguk's message lands in your inbox. The sky is free of clouds, sun beating down on the windows of the subway carriage you're in. It's above ground, crossing the river.

Summer is reaching the end of its peak, but monsoons are still a looming threat. There have been weather warnings all month, but today seems okay. You've an umbrella tucked into your tote just in case, legs crossed as you flick through your notifications on the subway.

Three unread messages sit pretty at the top of your inbox.

Jeongguk: Still on for today?

Danbi: u, me, ryan reynolds in lycra, tonight. game?

Seokjin:  such a tease, you know i love those shorts on you - if memory serves me correctly they were off far more than they were on whenever you wore them ;) you around tonight?

Jeongguk is probably the only one who needs a reply, and yet you can't help but stare at Seokjin's message for a little longer than you should.

If Danbi knew you were texting him, she'd probably confiscate your phone, like your parents used to do during your teen years. Jeongguk would probably throw all your stupid little origami birds at you. Would hope you'd get a paper cut.

It'd be deserved, you think.

Jeongguk had wasted his entire Sunday on you as a result of Seokjin's carelessness. You didn't leave until Jimin had taken a nap on the couch at just gone six, your day full of mindless chatter and harmless distractions from Seokjin. It had been nice. Comforting.

And yet when you'd arrived home, a text had been waiting from Seokjin:

heyyy, sorry I had to rush off. didn't wanna wake you. you looked toooo cute. was so nice to see you again.

It's kind of embarrassing, the way your heart seemed to settle at the sight of it; like things were as they should be once more.

You told yourself that Seokjin hadn't meant to upset you. That it was all a big misunderstanding.

He said everything you wanted him to in that message. Said sorry. Maybe he didn't give you an excuse nor an explanation, but he did give you a compliment, and that had you giggling.

Had you thinking that maybe you'd been reactive, and were too highly strung. Perhaps he was never the issue. What if it was you?

Still, it's Jeongguk's message thread you tap through to instead - yeah, just on the subway now! we're still meeting there?

You contemplate whether or not you want to tell him that you've spoken to Seokjin later. He'll no doubt ask about him, with a sneer on his lips, nose upturned at the mere thought of him.

And so naturally, you know you'll lie. "No. Not heard from him."

It's not that you want to be dishonest. Not in the slightest.

You're no stranger to a white lie or two, but Jeongguk had scooped up all of your broken pieces in the early hours of yesterday morning, and tried to washi tape them back together - only for you to run straight back to the person holding a sledgehammer.

You don't want to be reckless with the care Jeongguk's afforded to you; it's just that while Jin's got a sledgehammer in one hand, it also looks like he's got super glue in the other. It's a little bit stronger than washi tape.

Especially Jeongguk's rolls of washi tape; which are the entire reason why you're spending your day off on the subway, and not tucked up in bed, instead.

Jeongguk had devised a plan following the fall of your origami bird, but had neglected to tell you exactly what that plan was.

Had said "look, I won't lie - I can't help you with this. Gimmie the evening to think of a plan, though? I'll text you later."

He'd texted you an address by the time you'd arrived home. Told you not to search it up; said he'd meet you there at midday. Kind of felt like a challenge, and you don't like losing - so you'd done as he'd said. Other than putting the address into Naver maps to find the route, you were none the wiser as to where you were headed.

The subway leads you to the outskirts of town. Down by the river, just a little further up from the arboretum you always tell yourself you should visit more often. You're local to the city, but it's so vast that there are still areas you aren't too familiar with. This is one of them. You know what's in the general area - the arboretum, an old water park, and some museums, but you've no idea what the exact address could be.

As you climb the stairs, you're regretful of the fact you actually listened to Jeongguk. Should have looked up the address beforehand. Seen what was about; what dress code would have been appropriate.

Denim shorts hug your curves, and a little white blouse sits prettily on your shoulders. You're making the most of the summer while it lasts; skin exposed, despite the judgement thrown your way by the ajummas you pass on the street.

A mirror selfie had been sent to Seokjin before you'd left the house, in reply to his collarbone-wielding, broad shoulder-baring bed selfie. His hair had been messy, and there was a little pink mark on his neck. You're pretty sure you left it there. Didn't wanna focus on it for too long just in case you realised that you... didn't.

There had been a little tactful positioning of your phone in front of your face when you took your photo. Had been covering your eyes. Hiding the glitter.

And it's funny, 'cause it's the first thing that Jeongguk notices when he spots you.

You're looking around, realising exactly where you are, a frown slowly forming. He'd expected nothing less. You always arrive with a small frown whenever he's around - but he also always manages to get you beaming, too. It's part of the charm that comes with being around Jeongguk. Bad moods dissolve into nothingness.

He smiles, just like he always does. Waves. Throws you not one, but two peace signs. His thin lips plumpen into a pout as he wiggles his shoulders, the ease of acting childishly coming naturally when he's around you.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" He glows as if he hadn't seen you less than twenty-four hours ago.

Strolling towards you, he ignores the slight scowl that's resting on your neat brows. Just continues smiling. All doe-eyed and dainty. Hopes you won't be able to resist breaking into a smile, too.

He likes your glitter today. It's just in the corners of your eyes. Thinks you look like a fairy.

"I'm wearing white!" is all you can say, a little exasperation clouding your words, before laughter begins to tumble from your lips whether you want it to or not. "You asshole! You should have warned me!"

Jeongguk's wearing all black. A pair of shorts, a long sleeve swimming shirt and one of his many oversized black t-shirts over the top. See, he's dressed according to his plans - the plans that he neglected to share with you.

But he's a man. How much can you really expect from him? You doubt he's ever had to run home in the middle of a thunderstorm with his arms crossed over his chest to protect his modesty. Doubt his eyes have ever felt the unwelcome intrusion of sodden mascara running into them.

"Oh, chill out, Disco Ball," he banters, rolling his eyes as he twiddles his lip ring with his tongue. He comes to a stop in front of you. Pouts. Pushes his lips to the side, and his cheek slowly rises like a freshly baked loaf of bread. "It's only a little water. Worst comes to the worst, we'll just buy you another shirt."

When Jeongguk says it's only a 'little water,' he's telling a big fat lie.

You're both well aware that 'little' is hardly the appropriate word to use.

Not when you're standing next to the entrance of the largest outdoor waterpark in the city.

You don't want to say definitively, but you think it might be the largest waterpark in the entire district. Biggest you've ever been to, that's for sure, not that you really make a habit of it.

"Look," he says. "You're the one who wrote the bird, not me. Blame yourself."

"And you're the one who didn't give me a dress code," you reply with a small scoff. He's unbelievable.

It's not like he was ever supposed to see your birds. Your intention had only ever been for the pair of you to vent out your frustration; to see them in black and white and maybe colour them in.

"You could have just looked at Naver. Seen where you were going."

"You told me not to!"

Jeongguk smirks to himself, a little pleased with how much you seem to have blindly trusted him. He also thinks it's incredibly foolish, and adds it to his list of things he needs to worry about in the future. While it's him that you're mindlessly following the orders of, it's okay, he supposes. Knows you're safe. Nothing to worry about right now.

"You'll be fine, Byeol," he says, hooking an arm around your neck, rubbing his knuckles against the crown of your head. You don't even bother to scramble away, sensing his grip tighten when your back edges out from his grasp. With arms like his, you're ensnared whether you like it or not. "You bring your bird?"

He keeps his arm locked around your neck, resting on your shoulders, but stands a little straighter as you head in direction of the waterpark. His relaxed posture allows you to rummage around in your tote bag for the small piece of folded paper. It's in the bottom, a little crumpled, but still quite clearly in bird form.

Jeongguk pinches it from you as soon as you retrieve it, not seeming to care much for the fact that it's your bird. You're locked in by his arms as he strengthens some of the creases that have fallen lax thanks to the lack of attention you'd been paying when you tossed it into the bag.

"You're gonna give yourself bad bird luck," he tells you. "Gotta preserve them, Byeol, or otherwise you'll never overcome your fears."

"I'm not really sure we'll be overcoming any fears today," you mutter in response.

He takes great offence to this. Tells you to 'stop being a negative Nancy', and that 'you'll never overcome your fears with an attitude like that'. You pinch him through his shirt. He recoils away from you, finally giving you a little room to breathe.

And then he calls you a goblin.

"That's rich," you snort, peering into your bag once again to get your wallet, shooing his hands away as he brings out his own wallet from his shorts pocket. "Nah, this is on me. My fear. I'll pay."

There's an attempt from him to protest, but you just tell the cashier you're paying for two, and there's very little he can do about it. He feels bad. This is, after all, his idea. He gave you no wiggle room. You wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for him.

A bathroom? Maybe.

But not here.

"Absolutely not," you had exclaimed yesterday afternoon after reading the bird. Jeongguk couldn't stop laughing. "Stop! You'll give me a complex."

He hadn't meant to find it so funny - he was just taken by surprise. It's a reflex.

"No, no," he cooed. "It's cute. Really sweet, actually. Should have told me last night. Could have actually done something about it."

It was at that point that you flicked him on the forehead. Told him to go touch some grass. Get his head out of his ass.

And then, finally, you told him, "You're never showering with me."

In typical Jeongguk fashion, he'd just smirked. Found your defensiveness funny. "And nor is anyone else, apparently."

The bird resting on Jeongguk's stomach was laying flat, open on your words:

SHOWER WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

He thinks it's the all caps that cracked him up so much. So aggressive. So cute. A bit like you.

Showers had been one of your favourite forms of intimacy during past relationships. You'd even found it fun with casual hookups.

But now?

Feels forbidden. Tarnished. Dirty.

It's almost as if someone else running their hands over your skin beneath the water will rid you of the stain that Seokjin left - and if you're not his, whose are you?

It's stupid because you don't belong to anyone but yourself. You'd spent months resenting the removal of your identity, but now that you have the chance to reclaim it, you're still letting his mark remain.

You had told Jeongguk later that afternoon - with absolute certainty - that he'd never be facing that fear with you, only for him to say, "it doesn't have to be that big of a deal. I'll prove it to you."

And now he's trying to do exactly that.

He leads as you follow and make your way into the park. It's been a fair few years since your last visit, but it always looks the same; paint work a little tatty, white watermarks tarnishing pipes, and slightly dated equipment available for hire. In fact, you think the inflatables sitting pretty and ready for renting might be the same ones you used as a child on family trips.

"Still don't understand how on earth this is supposed to help me with my fear of intimacy," you speak softly once Jeongguk is done telling you about the tallest waterslide in the world. It's in Brazil, and he insists that he doesn't understand why on earth they called it Kilimanjaro when it's not even remotely close in height nor geographical location.

You tell him he's pedantic and he smiles as if you've just given him a gold star.

"It's helping because we're making it less scary," Jeongguk states all very plainly. Seems simple to him. His logical mind leaps from A to B, while yours is still spiralling round and round like a hula-hoop. "What do you do in the shower?"

"When I'm with someone else?" You raise a brow. "Not sure I want to say it out loud in a kid's waterpark."

"Oh, ew, no, not that part. I mean the basics," he sighs, before choosing just to answer for you. "You get wet. That's the first hurdle."

"Gguk, that's barely even the first meter," you counter. "And after that? There's still a billion hurdles left to jump."

"Well, you have to start somewhere, don't you?" He nudges his shoulder against yours, before spotting the concessions store up ahead. "See. Told you you'd be able to buy a shirt. Here."

He hands you his wallet, only for you to pass it right back.

"It's good, I'll get it."

"I dragged you here."

"And I'm the one who made that stupid bird," you laugh. "It's fine. Tell you what though, if they only have ugly shirts, you're gonna have to get one too. Can't be doing this alone."

"Watcha mean?"

"Well look at you," you shrug, as if it's plainly obvious. "You're in all black and - not that I agree with this, but - I'm sure some people will find you 'okay' looking. You know all the yummy mummies are gonna be swooning over you instead of looking after their kids."

"Swooning?" He grins with a small chortle. "Are you trying to insinuate something, Byeol?"

You gasp, and take a step away from him. "Are you saying I look like a mother?"

This, he decides rather quickly, is dangerous. You almost sound like you're flirting. It's not that he doesn't enjoy it, just that he knows he shouldn't indulge himself and yet-

"Maybe I'm into MILFs."

You've a remarkably good poker face. He can't tell if you're actually annoyed, until you look at him with a small smile. It's hidden by the sultry, tempestuous expression you're throwing his way, but definitely still there.

"So first I'm a mother, and now you wanna fuck me? Well, aren't you full of surprises?"

If there's one thing Jeongguk enjoys, it's a girl who knows how to twist words. Regretfully, it always gets him thinking about other ways they could twist their tongues. The thoughts are unsavoury. Sordid. Lewd.

But you're you.

You're off-limits, and he knows better than to play with fire. He needs to get you wet.

Just, like, not in that way.

"I'll put you under that fountain if you don't stop twisting my words," he asserts as you walk through the park. To your right is a pool, with bright slides twisting in all directions around it. Families play, and laughter prevails. It's nice.

To your left is a row of spouting fountains for kids to run through, water pitter-pattering against the warm concrete floor. They're tall enough that even Jeongguk could stand beneath them without issue. You always think they look like reverse umbrellas; water pouring where protection should be.

Puddles of water interrupt the walkway, but neither of you care all that much.

"Maybe if you got your head out your ass and stopped flirting-"

"Not flirting."

You scoff as sarcasm wraps itself around your words. "Yeah, and I'm a MILF."

He pauses. Stops walking. Laughs.

"Right," Jeongguk says. "That's it."

It's said in a tone so light and airy that you almost don't realise he's wrapping his arms around you with a grip tight enough to crack a rib. Your playful shrieks are ignored by other park visitors, chalked up to you being a pair of young lovers enjoying the frivolity of a waterpark together.

"I'm in white!" is your final cry before he pulls you under the cascade of a fountain with him.

The worst part of it, you think, is how goddamn happy he sounds, laughing at your misery.

"And I told you to stop twisting my words, Byeol," he says like the bastard he is, while you struggle against him again. Finally releasing you, he keeps a clasp on your wrists to prevent you from straying. "You made your choice."

"I made no such thing," you wail, but the stream of water has you spluttering - and then you're laughing.

Laughing just like he is; like how you imagine Galileo would have laughed when he first pointed his telescope skyward, and saw the rings of Saturn. It's unadulterated. Blissful. Pure.

Jeongguk loosens his grip on your wrists. He rests his elbows on your shoulders, using his hands to create a barrier between the stream of water and your eyes. There's glitter on your cheeks, now, forced to part way with your eyes thanks to the water pressure, and Jeongguk finds himself grinning at how you manage to look like a party even in the middle of the day.

Perhaps he's a lot more like Galileo than you first thought. Maybe he's laughing because he's looking at the stars, too.

Water barrels down on the pair of you, soaking your hair, your clothes, your skin. It's heavy, the pressure of the fountain far heavier than a shower, but you suppose the outcome is the same.

You don't want to look at Jeongguk with anything but moderate vexation, and yet there's a fond smile tugging at your lips.

Strands of wet hair stick to his face, droplets catching on his lashes and falling down his cheeks. He shakes like a dog caught out in the rain, only to continue getting drenched because he doesn't move from the fountains trajectory. It'd be so easy for him to just manoeuvre himself out of the fountain's direct line and hold you in place, but he chooses to be caught up in it, too. Chooses to be with you. Experience with you.

You'd done his bird together. Only fair for him to do yours with you.

"You still scared, Byeol?" Jeongguk asks, voice quiet beneath the water pummeling down on you both, and yet it has your attention loud and clear.

You want to banter back, say something that will get tripping on his words just like you seem to be - but the rope tied around your ankles seems to be around your tongue, too. Instead, you just shake your head.

"See," he smiles, now. Pulls a hand away from your forehead to wipe at his. Puts it back. "Are showers really that scary?"

And then you do laugh. "It's not a shower. You know it isn't even close."

His face scrunches, water catching in all of his little ridges.

He'll admit the water is annoying. Keeps having to close his eyes. It's bothersome, and it's not like he even cares for boundaries anymore at this point, so-

Fuck it.

His pinkies are against your forehead, index fingers outward. He lowers his head, mirroring you. Rests his forehead against his index fingers. Swears. Can finally fucking see.

And now that he can?

He's looking at you.

With his head angled to such a degree that your chins couldn't be further apart, you still manage to fool yourself to believe that your lashes could brush.

"It's as close as we'll get to one," he counters. "You are showering with another person."

"I'm under a stream of water with another person."

"And how is that any different to showering with someone?"

He isn't stupid. He knows the answer. Knows that you're pedantic enough to go into all the clauses and stipulations that would ever stop this from being classed as a shower - and so he doesn't let you.

Instead, he pulls away, grabbing your wrist as he does so. Leads you further into the park with a smile so big you're surprised he doesn't dislocate his jaw.

"That's the hard part done," he assures you. "You've had a shower with someone. Say thank you."

There's an acute awareness between you both that he's not helped you to overcome your fear in the slightest - but he does have you laughing as you walk through the park, absolutely sodden, without a single care in the world. You're not even bothered by the fact your black bra is visible through the soaked fabric of your shirt.

See, Jeongguk's gotten you relaxed in a situation when you know you'd typically be frantic. He's taking the pressure off. Got you giggling. Got you facing a fear, even if it's not exactly how he set out to do so, nor the fear in question.

In his defence, he really had thought his contrived little plan would count. He'd have never insisted on actually taking a shower with you. He understands why you consider them so intimate. He does, too. Something about the vulnerability really gets him. It's not even the sex that inevitably comes with one that makes him weak at the knees.

He thinks of the girl who folded paper butterflies for him, and how he'd shampoo her hair, chest pressed to her back, and the fact it was in the confines of his bathroom that he realised he was in love with her.

So, Jeongguk gets it. It's why he wouldn't even consider anything but his dumb little waterpark shower as a remedy of your insecurities. He hopes a lesson is learned even if a fear isn't overcome: you can let down your guard without giving up all of you.

What it comes down to, you think, is that Jeongguk isn't a taker. He's not a giver, either, really - but when your walls start to crack and crumble, he doesn't intrude. Stands at a safe distance. Offer you back your bricks. Most men you knew would see a weakness in your defences and claim what's yours as their own.

He's not always been this way. Used to have a 'what's yours is mine' understanding of his relationships, too.

His butterfly girl had taught him that no, just because he was given temporary access to something didn't mean it was his. He'd learnt the hard way after he'd always swapped his heart with hers, not realising she'd ever want it back.

And so while Jeongguk will never fully understand whatever you went through - not unless you choose to share it with him - he can empathise. Treat you how he wished someone would have treated him while he was still healing.

As the clouds migrate across the sky, fluffy white shapes occasionally hiding the careful watch of the sun, the day rolls into stupid competitions and races down the tallest slides in the park. The reason you'd ended up here doesn't seem to matter.

Jeongguk races you to the top of the slides again, and again, and again, just to try and beat you down them. He never wins.

Not until you hold back by just a millisecond.

It's just enough to give him a slight edge, and have him roaring in victory - "ha! suck it! loser!" - as he slaps at the water, a smile larger than Hang Sơn Đoòng eclipsing any desire you had to win. You'll let him have this one. Let him have one victory.

The haze of late-afternoon sun grazes down on the pair of you, while you lounge by the 'adults-only' pool area. A lot of families have gone home already, but sometimes it's nice to be away from the shrieks of kids messing about in the water.

You're not exactly the maternal type. In fact, Jeongguk's the one who's been pointing out how cute the kids are in their little armbands and sprout hairstyles. He's not wrong. They're incredibly adorable - you're just not that naturally inclined to go 'awww'.

It's all swings and roundabouts, though. Getting away from kids meant being surrounded by, well, some less wholesome auras.

Jeongguk thinks he notices it first; the unwelcome gaze of a middle-aged man. He's felt it for a little while. Upwards of ten minutes. Thinks you're none the wiser. Tries to figure out what's so fucking interesting. Stares him out a little bit - but is ignored.

See, the man - who is probably old enough to be your father - isn't looking at Jeongguk at all. Too busy staring at you, and that shirt of yours which is still yet to dry out. You're on your back, sunning yourself, clothes sodden and sticking to your skin.

Jeongguk thinks you look no different to anyone else in the park. It's typical to wear regular clothes in places like these. Would be more shocking if you were in a bikini. And so while yes, he has noticed the fact your bra is dark, he couldn't tell you the colour because he's been trying not to look. Actively avoiding it, actually.

Annoyance isn't something that Jeongguk's ever been able to hide well.

As he sucks in a little bit of air between his teeth and mutters a small curse to himself, you glance over.

"Hmm?" you ask.

It's not like you don't know the man's staring. You had warned Jeongguk about your attire earlier. Was always gonna happen. He just hadn't realised that this was the reason why you'd been so insistent about the fact he was an asshole for not giving you a dress code.

Realistically, you could have bought a second shirt - but the pair of you got distracted. Didn't care so much when you were laughing and joking about how you both look like rats with your hair all wet.

"Here," he says, tugging on his shirt at the nape of his neck. There's resistance, the weight of the water dragging against his skin, but he pays it no mind as he pulls the shirt over his head. You're still laying down on your back, and turn onto your front with a small grin.

"Y'know if I really was all that bothered, I'd just do this," you say, talking about your change in position. It's not that you want the man to stare - you just know he will regardless. Know that your shorts have ridden up a little, and so he's getting a whole new type of show.

Jeongguk doesn't laugh. Smiles, but doesn't let it reach his eyes. Leans over and drapes the fabric of his shirt over the top of your legs. Over your ass. "You'll burn."

"I'm wearing suncream," you purr, knowing that this has nothing to do with keeping your skin safe.

And so Jeongguk just shrugs. Considers staying silent. Chooses not to.

"He might wanna stare, Byeol," he almost growls beneath his breath, feigning indifference through his body language. "But I don't."

"You saying you can't help yourself?" You tease, to which he just rolls his eyes and lays back down.

"I can help myself perfectly well," he says, tongue flicking against the inside of his cheek. "Just didn't finish my sentence."

"Oh?" you chirp with great curiosity.

There's a boldness to the way you're engaging in conversation with him. Makes you realise that Jeongguk is just the same as any other boy. He can see you as a sexual object, apparently. Just chooses not to. It's all very interesting.

"He might wanna stare, Byeol," he repeats, crossing his arms over his torso, a defensiveness to his posture, even when he's flat on his back. "But I don't want him to."

Though his eyes remain closed, Jeongguk can hear you move to sit on your knees.

Your back is to the sleazebag, Jeongguk shirt bunching by your heels. You pull it around and bundle it in your lap, mouth resting open in a slight stare of shock.

Unspoken words beg for him to look at you.

But he doesn't. Keeps his eyes firmly shut. Grins. Just says, "Lie back down, Byeol."

The worst part is that you want to. You really do. When his voice is that low, the look on his face that cocky, you want to fold like a sheet of fucking origami paper. Have him bending you about like one of those damn birds.

But then you take a second to think, and realise you're no better than that guy who is still staring at you so intensely you're surprised he doesn't burst a blood vessel. Makes you feel bad. Guilty.

So instead you toss Jeongguk his shirt back and, as you stand, say, "I've a fear of intimacy, Jeongguk. No fear in telling men to fuck off."

He's not surprised by your response. Quite amused by it. Sits up on his elbows. Watches with curiosity as you walk away from him - and then is stunned to see you beeline for the man.

It's the kind of thing he'd see in a movie, background characters slowing to a stop, time ceasing to move except for the leading lady.

And then you're pointing. Accusing. Jeongguk's not sure of what - he can't hear you from this far away - but he knows it isn't nice. Watches the blood drain from the man's face. He's ghostly. And then it all returns, red and raw, with such a vengeance he's surprised blood doesn't start leaking from his nose.

When you turn on your heel, Jeongguk observes with morbid novelty at the scene unfolding; the intense shame on the man's face and the pure brilliance on yours.

"Men," you sigh, as you sit back down next to him. Mirroring his position, you're up on your elbows until you casually let yourself fall back into your original position. "Sorry, where were we? You told me to lie down? Done."

Jeongguk doesn't say anything. Just grins. Collapses back down, too. Doesn't tell you to cover up. Knows better.

Doesn't shut up about it for the rest of the day, though.

Relays the story to you as if you weren't there - weren't central to it - with so much animation that you think he might turn into a cartoon on the subway home.

He's still talking about it between the part where he invites you back for dinner - "Jimin's gonna be in but it's cool. We haven't eaten all day, you must be starving." - and the part where he stands by your door, taking a whole twenty minutes to say goodbye.

You've declined the offer. Told him it'd be a bit weird seeing Jimin. Wouldn't know how to explain it. Jeongguk just says "of course, yeah, you're right. Didn't even think of that. My bad."

There's a little silence afterwards. You know why. It's rejection. Not romantic, nor for anything serious, but it's still the same difference. He'd spent the day trying to help you break down walls only for you to put your bricks on top of his.

It's as he's heading down your stairs (after his fifteenth and final 'bye') that you realise how rude you've been. Just 'cause you wouldn't feel entirely welcome at his doesn't mean he's not welcome at yours.

"Hey, wait a sec! Danbi's home, but do you wanna eat here?" You chance. "We don't have much in, but I can order or we can-"

"My God, I thought you'd never ask," he grins immediately turning on his heel and back towards you. "So hungry I might die."

"You won't."

"I could."

The pair of you bicker as you enter your apartment, Danbi glancing up from the sofa. She looks at you, then looks at Jeongguk, and takes a second to place his face. Definitely knows it - and then it clicks.

She considers asking why the fuck your favourite barman is following you in. He's known within the confines of your apartment as the Barman That Smiles (more commonly referred to as BTS boy), Jeongguk's name a secret just for you to know. Danbi doesn't realise all of those nights you waste are the bar are wasted on him, nor does she realise he's the reason you snuck off the other night.

What she does wonder, however, is if this is all part of your master-get-revenge-on-Seokjin-plan.

Instead of voicing any of these queries, she settles on "what are we having for dinner?"

You shrug. "Ask Jeongguk. He's paying."

He raises a brow as if to question your assertion - only for him to cough up the bill for the pizza delivery that feeds the three of you through a Deadpool rewatch.

When he leaves, Danbi tells him he has to come back next week for Deadpool 2. You grin as you walk him out.

"She just wants you to pay for more food," you tell and he nods. Says he knows.

But then he calls back over to Danbi, "See you next week."

She does a little cheer, and it's all very sweet. They get on well. His humour is welcome in your apartment, and so is his presence. Danbi also hopes it means she'll get more free drinks next time she's at the club.

"She'll play you like a damn fiddle if you let her," you warn just out of her earshot.

"Good," he grins. "We can double date with you and Jimin."

You tell him to fuck off - but also insist that he lets you know when he gets home. The way you care about him is so casual that it feels as if it's been this way for years.

As he heads on home, Jeongguk kind of hopes it will be. Hopes it's the kind of friendship that stands the test of time. Worries that he shouldn't take the flirting too far - but then he's distracted by the little fleck of glitter on the top of his hand. His thoughts are lost, a smile unwinding on his lips as he strolls back to his place.

The skies are void of stars tonight, and yet, for the first time in months, Jeongguk's eyes are full of them.

AO3 | MASTERLIST | NEXT

[temporalhiccup]

Intimacy in TTRPGS

(art by @geezmarty)

It's been a while since I geeked out about ttrpg design and I thought I'd dive into it! Some time ago there was discussion about intimacy and romance in games, and I wanted to talk about that today.

In particular this is about the Reveal Your Heart move in Apocalypse Keys and how it's a response to games that came before it.

Above is the Comfort or Support move from Masks: A New Generation. It's representative of what a lot of similar Powered by the Apocalypse moves are like (and many PbtA games since Masks have emulated this too).

In my experience with Masks it created a lot of lovely drama, "on a hit, they hear you" suggested that on a miss, they didn't. This often lead to delicious moments filled with angst: misunderstood feelings, good intentions not being enough, or being interrupted at the worst possible moment!

My main issue with this move and those like it (and it came up with various groups and players) was that most of the time it's hard for a player to correctly guess what would actually comfort or support another character in the moment.

It was also interesting that this was a move that was mostly about the person you were trying to comfort or support! Like most PbtA games, you're statistically more likely to roll a 7-9, which meant the target of the move was the only one who benefited mechanically.

This lead to a lot of awkward play. If we were lucky, the target of the move would speak up and offer a clear alternative "Oh that wouldn't actually comfort my character, he doesn't like being hugged or touched. I think what he'd want to hear in this moment is that he matters to you, that you think he's an important member of the team."

But most of the time something would go wrong somewhere - the target player wouldn't feel comfortable with speaking up, the triggering player would insist that this is what their character would do, etc. So the move would effectively not trigger, or we'd pretend it would and everyone would be awkward.

It just reminded me too much of my own personal experiences, where I would have to pretend I was happy with someone trying to comfort me because they had good intentions and it didn't matter if I was actually comforted or not. Seeing it play out, again and again, in Masks was something that always made me feel uncomfortable.

The trigger includes keywords like "offer" (suggesting acceptance is not guaranteed), "in a way that could be meaningful to them" reminds a player to place the target of the move's preferences first. Both results require the target to "open up to you", if they don't, the rest of the move just doesn't trigger.

Thirsty Sword Lesbians, which has a lot of Masks DNA in it, addresses this in an interesting way. It spells out a few things by refining the trigger and response of Emotional Support.

It felt a lot better in play, but for Apocalypse Keys and my own design preferences I wanted to shift the move into a different direction!

Reveal Your Heart (like every move in the game) taps into the relevant central themes. In this case the PCs are Omen-Class monsters who struggle with staying in control and handling difficult emotions (as well as the horrifying truth that they may become a Harbinger one day, and bring about the apocalypse instead of stopping it!).

The trigger here is dependent on a revelation of some kind, what are you revealing to another? This suggests vulnerability, or at least an innate truth of self. "try to sincerely connect to another" replaces the awkward and difficult task of trying to figure out what would comfort another person. This is a move that prioritizes an attempt towards intimacy, whatever that may look like. This is usually much easier to figure out, the question then becomes "how vulnerable are you going to be in this moment?"

Like in most Apocalypse Keys moves, I wanted each narrative choice to lead to a mechanical reflection. This further supports the idea that the narrative and emotional are mechanical and structural truths in the game - roleplaying and characterization are not separate aspects, they are connected to the act of playing. It also gives the players room to interpret what that means, "they gave you hope", what does that hope look like to you? How does it quell and calm the Harbinger that shifts and aches in your soul?

But! In general, I love how much intimacy and romance have flourished in the indie ttrpg space! It's definitely improved my play experience, and it's something I love to design around in my own games!

Essentially this move offers the players the room to name the feelings they have and lay bare the nature of their relationship. By the end of the move there's usually a sense that we've learned something essential about the relationship between the characters. No matter how small, it bears significance.

Many of the moves in Apocalypse Keys focus on relationships and intimacy of some kind, it's just very very queer that way.

[superman86to99]

A Wrong Righted! (A Baldy Award Tale)

by Don Sparrow

We don't often talk about the letter columns on the blog, but a feature of the letter columns from 1990 to 2001 was that one letter per issue that was deemed interesting, or who brought up a good point, or answered a trivia question correctly would be "awarded" a Baldy award.  In the DC universe narrative, the Baldy award was a nickname for Zenith Awards Banquet for Integrity in Journalism, which is hosted by noted bald headed man, Lex Luthor (as Max noted in his write up for Superman #44) but in the letter columns, it was similar to Marvel's "no-prize" prize, just kind of a neat little shout out you got for having a good letter. Or so I thought, until I started reading this blog.  I had always thought it was just a phantom shout out, for bragging rights only, at least as a kid.

There weren't a lot of rules regarding the Baldy award, but the big one I noticed over the years is that you couldn't get one if you asked for it--it had to be given unbidden.

Over the years as I'd read Superman comics cover to cover, I would pore over the letter columns, wishing that someday I'd earn a Baldy award.  This was a tough feat, as my collecting was piecemeal, and I'd often get the latest issue months after it was released, so even if I got it together to send a letter, it was well beyond the four issue gap they seemed to have.

It wasn't until college that reaching out to the Super titles became a little easier--in one issue they revealed the e-mail to which you could send fan letters, or sometimes they'd even publish comments directly from the DC Comics Message Boards.  I found that if you commented early enough, or wrote them right on release day, your chances were pretty good of getting published.  

The first letter I ever got published in a Superman comic came in Action Comics #770, in the year 2000, which was part of the "Emperor Joker" storyline.  Four issues previously, in Action Comics #766, the letter column asked what was the last time that Santa Claus appeared on a cover.  I quickly went to my long boxes to find the issue where Bibbo appeared as Santa Claus, Adventures of Superman #487.  (In that review, we actually tell a version of this story again, but now it has an ending!) and said so in my e-mailed fan letter.  When I bought my copy of Action Comics #770, I was shocked to find my own name in print, and even more shocked to have been awarded a Baldy for my Superman trivia knowledge.  I was thrilled to have the issue, fully believing that the Baldy Award was like the Marvel no-prize, and that being in print was "reward" enough. It wasn't until years later, reading this very blog that I realized that other winners had been sent a real physical postcard, bearing Eric Peterson's stunning (and Trumpian by design) portrait of Lex Luthor from his in-universe biography (and DC one shot).  While I would have cherished such a memento, I didn't feel too upset about it since it was all so many years ago, and, as discussed on the other post, the letter column was answered in-character by the Joker, so perhaps it was even intentional that they didn't send one out, as a Joker like prank (in fact, it's probably a lot safe for the Joker to not have my home address to send stuff to!).  

Cut to a few weeks ago, when I received a strange e-mail, asking if I was the Don Sparrow from Saskatoon who won a Baldy in 2000 (which I was!), inviting me to a private Facebook group, made up only of Baldy Award winners.  I joined the group, and was astonished to see they had a post with my name on it commemorating my Baldy win.  I made a comment on the page thanking them for my inclusion, adding that I didn't know back in 2000 that they even gave out physical awards, but that I was thrilled all the same to have won a Baldy.  There was some indignation on my behalf (again--I really didn't mind, not really knowing at the time what I had missed!), and someone on the thread tagged Mike Carlin, the legendary editor, jokingly or not-so-jokingly demanding to know why he had neglected to send mine (and a few others who had missed out) the award. I expressed again that I hadn't minded that I didn't win a postcard, but all the same, the wonderful Mike Carlin, architect of my favourite era of storytelling of my favourite fictional character, sent me a private message asking for my home address, which I gave him promptly.  Did I dare dream what this meant?  

Sure enough, only a week or so later, landing in my mailbox like a rocket in a farmer's field was a Baldy Award.  Beautiful, handwritten, and only 24 years late, but in my hands, as it was always intended to be. 

I messaged Mike to thank him, and am proud to share that you can consider this 24 year old wrong righted! 

[Max: I am insanely jealous, but also impressed that Mr. Carlin still has a stack of Baldys to give out in these occasions. Unrelated: ICYMI, we posted about the final chapters of the "Worlds Collide" crossover the other day!]

[ihopesocomic]

I think what a lot of people who have issues with you (aside from the youtube lion show stans) is that you dont baby people

People ask for obvious spoilers and you just say "we'll see!" (Unless its been asked several times in which case you explain that)

People try to push for bigotry to be in your comic which you wont stand for

People refuse to actually read the comic and want it explained and you have to put your foot down and tell them to read the comic

Ect ect ect ive never seen you guys get unreasonable with any messages, angry? Short? Sure some of the anons you get are like "why is hope have 3 legs?" Its completely understandable to be angry at messages like that

Yea that's pretty much the vibe we get too tbh. But we're not gonna apologize for having standards and we're not going to change how we present ourselves if it means putting in extra mental energy to be overly polite to bad faith actors or people who just simply ignore what we put out unless its addressing them personally.

You mentioning the spoilers incident is interesting because the person who brought that up would later state that spoilers weren't their issue at all, just us being "condescending" because they made the personal choice to read our neutral responses as such. Or us using 'lol' whenever we indicate we're being light hearted. Because not everybody who uses 'lol' is being snarky or rude.

Ultimately, being given the benefit of the doubt would go a long way instead of people automatically assuming we're being nasty or "unprofessional" because of things like 'they criticized something I enjoy" or "Well, I didn't like that they weren't bowled over by an ask I sent two years ago' or just anything that happened years ago LOL

Anyway. Some people may be fine with spoiling the whole story of their project, but not us. We're having a lot of fun keeping people guessing, especially if they guess correctly and their theory is proven in a future chapter. We do big high fives when that happens lol

The people who outright demand inclusion of bigotry are especially confusing because at best its people thinking our one little comic that's not-that-popular-actually constitutes as erasure of the queer/disabled struggle. And at worst it's people who somehow can't find value in entertainment unless it's misery porn. And both of these instances they claim the existence of IHS in its current form takes away from the countless already-existing content that covers both, or somehow shames people for including it in their own story when we've never said such a thing. Anything we've said either applies to us personally or we're criticizing mainstream media that takes our experiences and makes them palatable to a mainstream audience. (At it's funniest it's nerd fans who criticize our comic for being a knock-off of MP while in the same breath complain that it's not doing the same thing as MP)

And an insincere sorry in advance to people who want us to spoon-feed them information in the comic. I was under the impression that when you saw a web comic, you had intentions on reading it. Heck, we have a dub now, you don't even have to read anymore technically. But I value my time too much to explain every single detail that may go missed in a chapter. Some stuff we feel confident in our readers piecing together on their own because we respect their intelligence, and most times there's no incorrect conclusion to arrive to because leaving some things up to interpretation is better than over explaining it. But maybe I'm just a meanie. - Cat

[tgrailwar-zero]

Well, i can think of one person who might have a weapon like that or a clue to a weapon like that, but Gil seems content to sit out for now. We're working on trying to wow him, but it's one of those situations that feels like the right answer is to not push.

If you two are concerned about the Titan, then maybe you'd like to go back to the Inn with us to chat with the rest of the party? We've gathered some interesting, but confusing, info we need to share and parse that might be useful to everyone involved.

More immediate though, Lair Servant Sigurd saw the beam of light from the unsealing and very much thinks we're involved. Correctly, I might add. That's how you can tell we're good friends. Bro knows what type of trouble we get up to. Suzuka-Senpai, how much of this would you like us to keep vague or secret? We'll need to tell him something, no lying to our friends, but i don't want to get you in trouble either.

APOLLO: "Well, I've leave you to figure that stuff out. Right now, leaving is a solid call."

At that moment, you saw the woman that SUZUKA had asked to bring you your new tablet, HINATA, come up the steps.

SUZUKA GOZEN: "There you are! Thanks again for grabbing that tablet for me, by the way. Figured you'd be on the way once you saw the light. You always are on top of things around here, girl."

HINATA: "I see… so that light… you really are leaving, aren't you? The shrine will certainly feel your absence."

SUZUKA GOZEN: "Yep! I'm outie. You're the 2nd-in-Command now. Just make sure Tama… Priestess Aria doesn't walk off a cliff or something while I'm gone. Figuring I'm not there, she'll have to be more careful with how she assigns people responsibility. If she starts slacking off and overworking you, just hit the bricks. You've got my number. I have my issues with your goddess, but that doesn't mean I've got beef with you."

HINATA: "And... should we expect you to come back?"

SUZUKA GOZEN: "Nope!"

APOLLO: "I guess I'll put some of my divine duties to making sure there's a smooth transition. After that, I'm gone too, since I've got no intention of being wrapped up in babysitting Aria. Besides, I can't leave these lovely ladies without even saying goodbye first."

HINATA: "We're always grateful for your assistance, O' Shining Lord Apollo. And... be well, Lady Suzuka."

SUZUKA GOZEN nodded, before swiftly heading down the steps. Further and further from the palace, the shrine, and anywhere else.

There was a moment of hesitation just as she reached the threshold. She held out a hand, waiting for the curse to kick in… and thankfully, nothing happened.

SUZUKA GOZEN: "…Right. Let's go!"

You began walking through the forest path before hearing a voice.

???: "My, my. You really are a troublesome group, aren't you?"

SALIERI: "Ah, is Aria awake?"

You followed the sound of the voice, looking down the forest path. A figure approached, the swishing of robes and the jingling of jewelry accenting her every step. She stopped in front of you, her eyes staring directly into yours, unwavering.

PRIESTESS: "Wrong one, I'm afraid. I know it can be a bit confusing."

SALIERI: "Caster…"

NERO: "..."

SUZUKA GOZEN: "Tamamo! I'm like, soooo flattered that you got off your ass to see me off in person~♡"

PRIESTESS: "Well, when the cursed seal I had a genuine god watch over was suddenly broken, I just had to see what happened with my own eyes~☆"

TAMAMO-NO-HIME: "Still, I suppose this is the first time I'm meeting our troublesome Interlopers while they possess a body. And thus, I shall not forget my manners, being able to address you eye-to-eye like this. I am the Head Priestess of the Heavenly Shrine, Tamamo-no-Hime. The one that our Original Self has entrusted the majority of her divine power to. And as Head Priestess, I cannot allow the will of the Heavenly Divinity to be defiled without delivering proper recourse. So the question is…"

She didn't drop eye contact, but you could feel it intensify. Heat radiated off her body, a leaf falling from one of the branches and--

Fwssh.

--Instantly bursting into flame the second it got within an inch of one of her tails.

TAMAMO-NO-HIME: "What shall I do with you?"

[nothorses]

As someone who doesn’t fall within the LGBT part of the acronym I’m still more uncomfortable with queer as the umbrella because it feels like the last progressively acceptable way to be exclusionary. Obvs plenty of folks still judge whether ppl are gay/trans enough. But doing that is at least explicitly not acceptable in the spaces I wanna be in. Whereas it’s accepted and sometimes encouraged to criticize or even exclude ppl for not being queer enough (in theory a political call, in practice a judgement on identity and presentation). I do still use queer to signal correctly, but it does not sit well for that reason. Wish there was a third option w/no political history, but I know we’d just do this to whatever new term we came up with too

I mean, I think "I know we’d just do this to whatever new term we came up with too" kind of hits the nail on the head here.

This isn't something that happens because of the word, it's something that happens because of the people. The word itself is not inherently exclusive; in fact, it's explicitly all-inclusive. It's for anyone who falls outside of the relevant societal expectations, by definition, and there is no list or any further defining or qualifying that needs to be done.

The issue with "LGBT", and any variation thereof, is that it's a list. It starts with the letters people consider most important to start with (hence, "GL" becoming "LG"). Even if it didn't, it requires that we name every single kind of person who's welcome, individually, which inevitably leaves people out- or tells them that they aren't welcome on the terms of their more "niche" identities, but rather only if they happen to have a more visible and accepted one alongside it. (See: "straight asexuals aren't LGBT")

People can still act exclusionary regardless of word choice, but if the words they're using do not themselves reinforce or encourage that way of thinking and behaving, it's kind of ridiculous to pin the blame for that on the words. People are going to do that with any word we use- at some point we have to decide whether the fight should be in finding a new word each time they do it, or in getting them to stop behaving that way in the first place.

Also... I'm sorry you've experienced this, and I think it needs to be addressed. But speaking personally, that experience isn't universal. When folks have gatekept who "counts", in my personal experience, they've overwhelmingly been using "LGBT" (or just "LGB"). If they use "queer" at all, it's interchangeable with that and other terms. Again, not to say that your experience doesn't matter- it does- but so do other people's.

You don't need to use "queer" for yourself if you don't want to. You also don't need to use "LGBT" or any variation. But we're not talking about personal identification, either; this is about which word is most practically useful and effective in achieving our goals of maximum inclusivity and clarity.

[eldritch-spouse]

CRACK

" I don't hear you counting, boy. "

The paddle crashed so hard onto his left asscheek that it dented. Hm... You'll have to get something sturdier. Damn breeders and their tough hide, they're way too dense. At least he's getting blue, that means he must be feeling it to some degree. And that's good enough for you.

" Don't tell me you've forgotten how to... " Your spare hand smooths over the overheated flesh, smirking at Breg's quiet whimpers of pain.

He's a total mess and you're not even halfway done. Legs already clenched together, tongue out so he can drool on the support pillows you were kind enough to get for his punishment. Yeah right, some "punishment" this is. You assumed, erroneously, that Breg wouldn't be into pain play given how he's always so scared of hurting you. Yet, a couple of spanks in, and he's already arching his ass like the bitch in heat you've always known him to be. Frankly, you're giving up on taking this seriously, you're basically just doing it for kicks.

" ... T-Ten? "

" Twelve actually. " You slam the paddle down on his ass as hard as you can again.

" AH! G-God... Ungh- " He's trembling, ocean blue bruises already blooming beautifully on that rump.

" That's for getting it wrong. " The clarification is accompanied by an expectant glance. Your eyes are ice cold as you judge the panting monster sprawled over your legs. You know he's digging his claws into the side of the couch and it only makes you want to break the paddle on his tender ass in retribution.

It takes Breg a couple of hazy, huffing seconds. " Thirteen! "

" Good boy. " The fact that he wags his tail in spite of his current situation is hilarious enough to make you muffle laughter.

Delivering a couple of merciful slaps on that abused tissue proves itself to make for very amusing reactions, as the monster tenses and whines. " Why am I spanking you, Breg? "

" Buh- Because I've been bad. "

Your eyes roll, you let yourself grope the breeder's fine ass, and he bites his lip through the pain, trying to grind a sopping wet slit against the pillows beneath it, and your thigh. " And what did you do, captain obvious? "

The fact that Breg seemingly struggles to detect the answer you're seeking tells you all you need to know. He didn't listen to a single word of your chiding as you drove back home, and he legitimately doesn't understand what he did wrong. You know that screams of glaring issues that need to be addressed, but right now, you'll unload your frustration.

CRACK CRACK CRACK

" HNGH- Fff- Ohhh ffuck yeah, please ahn... " Your crazed monster of a boyfriend buries his face on the pillows and weeps from tantalizing agony, feeling the fury you experience when handling his immature and impulsive nature.

" You're irredeemable. "

" Six- Sixteen. "

" Why are you being spanked, Breg? "

This time, he really scrambles hard for words, humming fearfully whenever your hand moves.

" Because... Because I chased your friend out of the mall?' "

He says the word "friend" like it's poisonous, bitter, repulsive. Like he wanted to say "scum" instead. You'll let it slide, since he did guess correctly. That's progress for someone such as Breg, as far as you're concerned.

" Correct. "

He didn't just chase your poor acquaintance out, he snarled and swiped at them all the way through like a feral animal. The only thing that saved them was the narrow passages where Breg couldn't follow as easily. Otherwise, his magnificent sprint and four-legged racing would have lead to a public evisceration. You're going to have to play Devil's advocate and try to even things out, hopefully avoid any charges. All this mess because mister "I have no idea how to behave myself" couldn't keep his jealousy in check and saw red when your old friend shared a smoothie with you. The nerve. You feel a vein popping in your forehead just remembering the embarrassment.

His audacity, to then scoop you up and carry you back into the store like a living sack of potatoes. Ugh, he didn't even look sorry. In fact, he doesn't look sorry now. The bastard.

CRACK

" Do you know how badly you embarrassed me? " Mentioning your friend's health is pointless, you know he won't care unless your chastising revolves around either you or him. He grits out a quiet "seventeen" before keening high. " You can't do that in malls. "

" Uh-? "

" You can't chase people. "

THWACK

" You can't snarl at others. "

SMACK

" And you can't pick me up like an animal! "

He's got a good chunk of the pillow lodged in his mouth by now, salivating and biting at it in reflex, muffling his admittedly satisfying noises. That tail remains perfectly arched above, even as it trembles with his pain. You eye that darkening purple-blue skin with fevered delight, being merciful enough to stroke his clothed thighs instead.

" I'm talking to you, Breg. "

He spits the fabric out faster than you can raise the paddle again. " SUH- SORRY! I'm sorry, h-hit me more. "

Great, he's now even more shamelessly into it.

" You never learn. " There's just no winning.

Giving up on getting anything through his thick skull for now, you let your fingers hover over the underside of his tail, tickling there, the sensitive skin between the appendage and his ass. The breeder pants, lifting his rump up and up, chasing the touch- Until you grasp the base firmly and yank. The ensuing, raw shudder that courses Breg's body is glorious, he all but rattles, grip on the couch faltering altogether. This time, it's your bare hand slapping onto the meat of his cheek.

" I hann- I lost count... " He confesses, to which you just shrug.

" I know. " Is he lying just to get smacked harder or did he genuinely lose count? Either one sounds plausible.

A digit traces from the root of that strong tail to the tight ring of muscle between his legs. You don't really intend to finger him, but the hint is there as you circle it, surprised by how he stiffens yet carefully inches those long legs apart. Huh. Now isn't that new? You recall Breg doesn't really like the idea of ass play. Things about him are changing, but never where it matters apparently. Tsk.

Your touch lowers, feathering over the expanse of skin between hole and slit. The monster's excitement is palpable, legs spreading wider, pleading chirps escaping through exposed teeth when you make contact with the soaked entrance, grieving for the poor pillow he's been grinding on. It only takes a little bit of tickling until both cocks poke out, this lurid, wet noise accompanying them. Nonetheless, you wedge a single finger into that stuffed slit, maneuvering your current position enough to grab the paddle steadily again.

" Now, we're starting over. "

The way his cocks twitch puts a grin on your face.

[wammysgirl]

Riddlers- coming out to them as trans/ nb

Please note: This is my first time writing in ages, so i apologise for any typos! My own experiences with gender are more transmasc/ fluid leaning however I wanted to keep this broad for anyone reading! :)

Telltale!

Ooft, I love him but he definitely scoffs at first when you tell him

Not for any malicious reasons, he just, doesn't get why you felt the need to tell him?

As if your gender makes any difference to him or the work you do for him. As long as you can help with schemes and do your part he doesn't care about how you identify

It's that, painful kind of indifference. But if you make it known that his indifference IS an issue he'll do his best to try and address it

Afterall, he can understand that it took a lot of trust on your part to tell him, and that a scoff may not have been the best response off the bat.

Okay, tell him what's most comfortable for you from now on and he'll do his best to give you the same kind of respect you've always shown him

Unburied!

Oh, that's what that was.

He could tell something has been on your mind lately, and while he's usually MORE than happy to be nosey and poke and prod to get any answers out of you

He just kinda, knew, it'd be better to wait for you to tell him on your own terms

Well thats a relief! He though his best friend was either dying or going to leave him

WHAT?! Of all the outcomes, this is a lot easier to deal with

Well okay, he knows it probably more emotionally draining for you, but you've got his support 1000%

Seriously, he will fight any transphobes for you. Yes, he know's he'll lose in a physical fight, THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

He's very happy for you though and so ready to help you shop for a whole new wardrobe if you want it

Capullo!

This idiot, oh my god.

Of course he knows what transgender is, but considering he's never been tactful when talking to people in his life, expect him to stick his foot in his mouth at first

Again, this Ed is another one like telltale who will probably hurt your feelings, even though that's NOT his intention

Listen, he just has some of his own internal biases to get over

But if there's one thing he's good at, is learning and retaining a LOT of information. So as long as you have the patience and willpower to correct his (outdated) views, then you can actually help him understand you better

Hell, even just by giving him a starting point for his own research and reading materials is good enough, this fucker is still a nerdy ass riddler at his core. He LOVES his books.

He's not good at apologising (so he'll probably avoid it) but he definitely corrects himself if he ever slips up, he wants to make sure you're happy and comfortable and know that he does care

Young Justice!

Oh, shit!

Wait okay, can you just clarify for him if he's been refering to you correctly or incorrectly prevously, like if you've already been identifying how you prefer best, but you're just letting him know now because you're comfortable with him

OR if it's you didn't tell him before, but you are now so you want him to change how he refers to you in future

This sweetheart is just so concerned about upsetting you accidentally, it's a little overbearing at first honestly

But he has such good intentions and is asking lots of questions. Please feel free to tell him if you don't want to answer any, he's just curious and he cares about you.

Eddie wants to be beside you as much as he can to show you support, even if it's for something small like going to the salon while you change your hair.

He's sitting there patiently, and every time you look up at him he's just grinning with a big thumbs up!

Gotham!

Ah, okay of course! Please tell him your pronouns and any other things of importance when he refers to you

Are there any compliments/ words which you are uncomfortable with? What compliments would you be happier to recieve as well

He's probably one of the most well educated Eddie's on the topic and so he doesn't need any assistance with understanding it

He just wants to know the specifics of what works best for you :)

This goober also wants to give you something to celebrate this, but he goes for something smaller. Probably a cupcake with your flags colours, or something equally fitting (don't worry, no bullets in your cakes)

And he WILL celebrate this with you annually, he's got a great memory and to have your friendship continue so strongly, for years, means a lot to him

Arkham!

What, what was that?

What no, of course he isn't confused, he just didnt hear what you said because he was welding

Well, get on with it. If it's so important to interrupt his wor- Oh.. Oh so that is something, somewhat, important (This idiot also cannot apologise for the life of him, but listen, he's trying to acknowledge you)

(in his own way)

Clears his throat and tries to move on in a smooth manner, so you can advise him of the necessary points regarding this.

What you're wanting to do, if there's anything he needs to change about what he does regarding this

Listen, fuck the government and legally changing details, it's expensive bullshit. you let him know if there's any documentation you want changed and he'll hack into those databases and do it for you for free

Take it as a sign of congratulations from him.

Dano!

Okay so Gotham might be the most educated about this topic and be the most tactful

But Dano Riddler is a close second because he's actually known more trans people in the spaces he grew up in. Growing up Catholic, and catholic guilt can make it extra difficult for those already dealing with any dysphoria

So the first thing he does is ask how you're doing like, mentally

He is very ready to listen and let you vent if need be, or alternatively, he's relieved if you're doing well and don't really need to vent out your feelings or anything like that

he's awkward, but he gives you a lot of very sincere comfort. He offers you hugs whenever you want to, and is happy for you to cuddle up with him even while he's doing other things

He also takes you thrift shopping to find new clothes if you want to (sadly boy is broke after building all his traps so thrifting is his best suggestion) Or if you want he's happy for you to take some of his old clothes

Lets you know he loves you (platonically or romantically) and that he WILL kill any transphobes for you. And unlike unburied he will succeed. (especially if they're prominent political figures)

Btaa!

oh. OH! Well this is exciting!

First of all he's congratulating you and wraps you up in a big hug, he's happy you told him

Now, you guys have a very important heist to plan. He's gotta make sure you've got all the money you need for any gender affirming care including surgeries, clothes, hormones ect. you may want

PLUS the celebration partyyyy~

What, what do you mean you don't want a big party?

Obviously he want's to celebrate you coming out… You're one of the few people that enjoy his presence, he wants to show you how appreciated you are, AS you are.

Okay fineee, he's willing to compromise and downscale to a small thing with just you guys and Miss Tuesday. As long as you still let him get Miss Tuesday to go on an errand run and buy you a cake and your favourite snacks.

[gretavanfleetposts]

I am going to say this once and only once because it is very important to me that you all know where I stand on this.

TW for talk of consent, SH, and dubcon

If you cannot tag your work correctly, you should not be sharing work on a platform where content warnings are the norm. "But Emily, it's not my responsibility" "Emily, books don't have warnings" there are absolutely books with warnings. There are whole platforms dedicated to reviewing books and movies for their more explicit content. And also, I don't know when adding such a simple thing to a fic became such a monstrous task that just because you're not obligated to do it means you're going to forgo doing it. The content warnings aren't for you, they're for your readers. Have an ounce of compassion for your readers.

"Emily, I can't put a warning about everything" Dubious consent should be at the top of the list of those to prioritize. That is the norm and everyone on this platform knows it. I am so tired of some of you playing victim and acting like you're stupid just because you've picked a hill you want to die on and someone hurt your feelings calling you out for it. Have an ounce of humility on this platform, not because you have to, but because you should. Take responsibility for the things you've written and correctly warn your readers without shaming a whole group of them for feeling a certain way. Clearly you didn't get your tone across. Maybe that's a you problem.

As for why no one said anything sooner, well gee. Let's take a fucking look at what was said about what constitutes as unwanted sexual contact and what doesn't. I wouldn't bring it up now either.

This is meant for everyone. If your readers feel certain themes are persistent in your work, it's not your responsibility to tell them they're wrong. Add the appropriate tags. And if it upsets you that people feel that way, there's no shame in reworking things. Being a decent person will unfortunately require a bit of extra effort but I can assure you, it's always worth it.

As for the definition of consent and SH. It does not change because you wish for it to be changed. This is not a matter of differing opinions, this is a lack of education that is harmful to society and the women in it who are disproportionately impacted by these matters. Do better.

I hope I have made myself abundantly clear on this issue because I will not be addressing it again.

And lastly, if anyone feels certain warnings should be added to my work, please just let me know. Criticism is not the enemy of writing, it makes it better.

[khaire-traveler]

Okay so a few days ago, I called Lord apollo and Lady aphrodite and I asked them to answer through a candle (I've never talked to them before) so I asked them, can I worship yall, and they weren't even there. They weren't there at all. I told them "please turn the candle off if I cant" and they didn't. Then I told them "give me a sign you're here" and there was nothing. I felt pretty ignored man 😭💀 so I've been looking for a God that fits me a bit better but apparently it's just not for me. I just don't know anymore. Like did they ignore me or whats going on here. I also did it separately. 2 a 3 times. They just didn't do anything.

Hey, Nonny!

It sounds like you're very distressed. I'm not sure if you've got a lot going on outside of this, but typically, when we're really distressed, it makes it much harder to sense energies and communicate with deities. I even find myself struggling with divination when I'm not feeling well mentally or emotionally. So, with that as a start, take time to ground yourself before addressing this problem. Sit with yourself, and focus on your breathing. In, pause, out, pause, etc. Try doing something that relaxes you or brings you comfort. Remind yourself that you're going to be ok.

Alright, next thing: how do you know for certain they weren't there? Personally, I've never met a single person who can confirm - with proof - 100% of the time whether or not a deity is present. I emphasize this because it sounds to me like you're assuming this information. Maybe the candles did not react to what you were saying, and that made you believe they weren't there, but it could be that they didn't want to communicate in that form, were busy, or even that you weren't interpreting the flame correctly (not trying to sound mean about that, but mistakes do happen). I promise that even if they didn't respond, that doesn't automatically mean they hate or dislike you. It doesn't mean they're ignoring you or that they've abandoned you. If you text a friend and they don't reply immediately, it's not because they suddenly don't want to talk to you anymore; they're probably busy, away from their device, eating dinner, or whatever else they may have going on.

My point here being that it seems you're getting stuck in your head with this issue. You seem pretty upset about this, but in all honesty, this kind of thing happens to every worshipper once in awhile. There was a period of time where I couldn't feel Apollo's presence for about a week. I was anxious and afraid that I did something wrong, but after that week, he was there as if nothing had happened. Through divination, I found out that he had been a bit busy and took a step back while he dealt with whatever needed his attention. I promise you that it's probably not as intense as you're thinking it is. I've genuinely even had situations where I've asked for signs and did not receive one, but when I communicated with the deity later, they gave me a direct answer to my inquiry.

Things do go wrong within our practices. We make mistakes, things don't turn out the way we expect them to, a deity seemingly doesn't answer a prayer, etc. But mishaps and disappointments happen in every aspect of life. Nothing is going to be 100% perfect, and that's ok. This applies to deity communication as well. Sometimes we need to try new forms of divination because one we thought was working isn't actually. Maybe you should try switching things up a bit. Cartomancy is a pretty common one I hear about, next to tarot. Try something new, and see if it helps.

I hope this gave you an answer to your situation. I'm sorry if anything came across as harsh; that was definitely not my intention, but it's really difficult to word things correctly over text. Tone is impossible to convey sometimes. Know that you have my support, Nonny, and know that it's going to be ok. If you truly don't feel a connection with Aphrodite or Apollo, you'll find a deity that you can connect better with. Take your time, and remember to ground yourself throughout the process. You're going to be ok, and it'll all work out. Take care, and have a good day/night. 🧡🫂

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

GODDD YOUR BRAIN. a lot of what you said is stuff ive been thinking about for literal years and esp now with my most recent playthrough of 1 and 2. the video was great and i also found a pdf for orientalism that i will be picking through as i have the time for it. ive had a post in my drafts ive been working on for a few days. specifically about how the crimson raider leadership (excluding moxxi and including the vault hunters) is comprised entirely of corporate settlers and how that still absolutely fuels their ideology when it comes to the bandit clans. tannis, zed, and pierce are all dahl, marcus has been both siding every conflict since the beginning of mankind, and roland and the ENTIRE military force of the crimson raiders (excluding the vhs) are atlas leftovers. and ofc its seen as necessary because there needs to be bodies between them and hyperion so every injustice against the planet is forgiven. its hardly even mentioned. even moxxi, who is pandoran born, profits in just. outright massacring the population with her fighting rings. (the underdome was sponsored by every corporation, including the shield manufacturers.) the desire that the raiders have to protect pandora just feel like protecting the. thirty or so people who live with them because everyone else is seen as not worthy to the point where mass execution and displacement is encouraged. im not going to talk about bl3 because im a bit rustier on it at this point but in FFS thats an issue brought up at the very start of the dlc: the crimson raiders are losing power and arent needed anymore because jack is gone. like they arent doing any great help to the planet. theyre not even wanted by the end of 2. side tangent but the two things that stand out to me the most on first thoughts are: destroying the eridium mine supplying sledges men in one (after already killing him and half the settlement) and doing straight up environmental warfare in 2 when freezing out the bloodshots. its just unnecessary cruelty. im sorry for taking so long to type this out i have. untreated adhd 😔

No no no it's okay speak your mind!!!

Also some additional things I didn't have the place to say in my answer:

One, you could very easily interpret bl1 and particularly bl2 as an extended metaphor for American destabilization and subsequent media treatment of the Middle East. Except Gearbox themselves is parroting the in-universe perception of Pandora as a "barren wasteland where nobody lives", i.e. the myth of terra nullius. Despite all evidence to the contrary.

Two, 2 specifically has an anti-colonialist narrative. Handsome Jack is a colonizer and you oppose him. But within this opposition is a DISTINCT subtext of "yeah he wants to kill off the bandits of Pandora but he also considers the Normal People, like Salvador and your friends to be bandits!", not "bandits are also humans with dignity". I'm not sure if the former is the conclusion the writers want you to arrive at, but it kind of feels like it.

Three, if I remember correctly the first time a tink (xenohuman/mutant) was not presented as part of the subhuman orientalized faction was fucking New Tales. And I think there was one in Debt or Alive as well (including a tongue in cheek joke about how calling your enemies slurs is kinda bad actually). Yet again, either the writers can't comprehend someone disabled in a not-"cool scifi" way being human, or the Borderlands universe has ridiculous amounts of ableism and baseliner supremacist (can you tell I love Rimworld's terminology for this sort of stuff) sentiment. But homophobia isn't real so that's funny haha right guys??????

As for 3... yeah there isn't much there. Ellie tells us that Pandora has been drained of all resources, Tyreen tells us what I already addressed, fucking Vaughn man. I'm sure I could say smth more coherent on all that but I can't rn, brain fried.

Then there's the Looters and Frostbiters and Devil Riders, who for gameplay purposes are reskinned bandits for the DLCs, but they aren't stated to be bandits for... what reason exactly, aside from geographic isolation (all the other bandits across the galaxy are universally homogenized so...)? I mean, frostbiters even associate into clans like bandits do...

And I do highly suggest you read Orientalism, it's a foundational text in post-colonial studies for a reason, but I find that it also applies incredibly well to media analysis :)

[acloudysky03]

(Prefacing this with I loved The Veilguard. It made me feel so many things about the power of narrative and video games but I don't think it's perfect.) What I think I miss most about the dialogue wheel conversations between missions that we had in Inquisition is the level of detail it let you go into for how your Inquisitor feels about their companions and the world. It let there be tension between the Inquisitors world view and the companions that just wasn't there in The Veilguard. I'm a chronic Dorian romancer so I'll use him as the example because I think some of the early dialogue wheel choices with him if you're playing an elf Inquisitor illustrate that tension perfectly. You, as an elf, can push back against him benefiting from and even defending the practice of slavery and he in turn will push back against you. But having that in the dialogue wheel conversation when nothing else pressing is happening makes sense because the conversation is the pressing thing and requires a back and forth initiated by the Inquisitor. It would probably feel weird if it was brought up out of the blue in a cutscene too because it's also a character decision to ignore it and just never address those disconnects. I think part of the issue with the lack of them in The Veilguard is that the background you pick is essentially just your job and there are a lot of reasons people could have a job but the game doesn't really want to seem to go to deep into that. Like, there are probably distinctly different reasons why a human, elf, dwarf or qunari would have any of the backgrounds in the game but the game assumes you have the job because you love it! and that's it. Which kind of leaves Rook's personal motivation for a lot of decisions feeling kind of flat. Which could be fleshed out more in side conversations. For me the Minrathous versus Treviso decision and the companions reactions to it is one of the most glaring examples of where conversations initiated by Rook defining what made them make their decisions would have been great! An elf Shadow Dragon Rook and a human Shadow Dragon Rook probably have different feelings about Minrathous. But the aftermath is either just Neve or Lucanis being mad at Rook for a while and Rook not being allowed to initiate a conversation about why they made the decision they did. Don't get me wrong I love the cutscenes. They're great at fleshing out the companions. But the conversations via dialogue wheel were great for fleshing out the Inquisitor and I think some balance between the two would have been great. (Which is also why it was fine they weren't in 2 because Hawke had a Very Defined backstory that the game focused on a lot so it didn't need to redefine it via conversation. The Veilguard wants to treat Rook as a character defined nearly to the level Hawke was without the narrative focus that requires.)

TL;DR: I wish there would have been both because they both are good at different things when used correctly.