#or if i did i'd have to give myself A LOT of time

[melonelle]

just chiming in with my experience as someone who got a lot of notes like three years ago and now it's a dead simblr.

we used to be a proper community; from 2015 to 2019. i think people nowadays don't know how exciting it was to just log on to see people sharing cc just because it was a passion project; that was the norm.

i'm so thankful that there's still people doing the same thing now in this artificial wasteland that simblr has become.

now i think that our decline as a community started with the monetization of cc, now cc isn't a passion project that you can appreciate and be thankful that the creator decided to share it in the first place. it's a product that you buy, and you better like it because you're paying for it.

also, as someone who used to support a lot of creators on patreon back in the day, i don't think that i did it because i actually wanted to support them; instead, their cc had become an exclusive item, and i just couldn't wait to get it.

it's gotten to the point where i think that of the 15 creators i used to be a patreon of, now if i could i'd only support 2, and one of the is not longer active, so let's get that number back to 1.

now the popular cc creators only come here to post their links to patreon, because they are making bank and they no longer need to build a community for it to happen.

or they give the collections to popular simblrs to post with a similar model to a sponsored post, and that's when you get content fatigue because i have seen like five different simblr posting the same damned collection, and even if it has not been released to the public i'm already tired of seeing it.

and i carry some of the fault too, back in 2018 i had no problem with reblogging cc that i liked or other people's posts, but somewhere along the way i got into the mindset that i needed to build my own brand (which i think is what's currently happening on a major scale now) and that meant i only had to post my own stuff. during the time, i was getting a lot of notes; it was getting to the point where i stressed myself with getting posts out just to keep the roll going, and then it came the burnout that made me leave the community for a couple years.

now for me, simblr feels so artificial on a large scale. i think that's probably because a lot more people realized you can make an easy and big buck creating cc for this game, and ea won't care or put rules in place to prevent this happening because they want a piece of the cake too, so they'll never go against big name creators.

but that has left us with a community that feels more individualist and artificial than never before.

dude, it's unreal because i have around 2.5k followers here, and i actually prefer to spend my time here on tumblr in my fandom-specific sideblog, where i have less than 150 followers, but whenever i post i get a real sense of a community responding to my posts.

hell, i have even posted some of my sims there, because if i were to do it here in simblr my post feels like a drop in the bucket.

I've been seeing alot of people felling discouraged from simblr and feeling like they don't belong

Especially when there is alot of posts going around telling you not to focus on popularity etc

But im here to tell you ITS NOT YOU

You did nothing worng you do infact belong here its not your fault people in this community are not interactive (and yes its just this community im in two other fandom spaces and they work just fine people here are the outlier)

And my proof that its not your fault?

I have 3200 follower (all real people i removed the bots myself)

So you would think i would get alot of notes and feel included right?

WRONG

3k+ followers and this year the most notes i got on any non cc post i made was 15 and on cc posts it was 56

The only post that got alot of notes all year was my simblreen treats post and you would think with 3k people watching it would be 1000 notes or something but no last time i checked it was barely over 100

There are like 3 people that occasionally talk to me sometimes on my posts lol (very thankful i know no one owes me anything)

And i have had this blog for 6+ years

My point is

You belong just fine and i personally am happy you are here

Its not your fault people are being stubborn and refusing to reblog on the reblog website

(imma be real with you if i owened this website im removing the like option this is the reblog website you don't need to only like stuff but i dont own it so 🤷‍♂️)

[blackenedsnow]

Hello! I love your writing and I hope you're having a good day/night! Could you do Sonic dating someone with social anxiety and is also an introvert? I struggle with social anxiety myself and have a hard time speaking up sometimes, especially with new people. Sonic is a comfort character of mine that I'd think would do his best to help their anxious partner in situations where they're overwhelmed. Take your time write this! No pressure at all!❤️

sonic dating a reader with anxiety ; headcanons

WARNING: Anxiety

PAIRING: Sonic the Hedgehog x Reader

NOTE: Thank you so much for trusting me with this request! I poured a lot into Sonic’s support here. Remember, there’s no pressure to be anything other than yourself here. Take care, and know you’re never alone in this! ❤️

Sonic had always been able to talk to anyone without a second thought, so it took him a little while to fully grasp the extent of your social anxiety.

At first, he’d notice that you’d freeze up or look uncomfortable when around new people, or that you’d stay in the background at gatherings.

But once he understood, it clicked for him in a big way.

The idea of his favorite person being scared or overwhelmed really tugged at his heart, and he made a silent promise to help in every way he could.

Whether it’s a small gathering with his friends or a larger event, Sonic keeps you close, always aware of your comfort level.

If he sees you start to withdraw or tense up, he’ll step in smoothly.

Sometimes it’s with a joke to defuse the situation, sometimes with a quick distraction, or just a comforting hand on your shoulder as if to say, “I’ve got you. You’re not alone.”

Sonic is very perceptive of when things start to become too much for you.

If you’re at a crowded place and he notices you’re feeling uneasy, he’ll lean in with a gentle,

“Wanna go somewhere quieter?”

If you nod, he’ll flash you a reassuring smile, and in an instant, he’ll whisk you away to a quieter corner or outside where you can catch your breath.

He’s never pushy, always giving you the option to leave if that’s what you need.

Sonic has a knack for knowing when to use his lighthearted, playful approach to help lift the weight off your shoulders.

Sonic quickly picked up on the times when speaking up felt impossible for you.

If you’re at a restaurant and struggling to order or around others who are dominating the conversation, he’ll step in for you without missing a beat.

“Hey, can we get a little more space here?” or “Mind if we let my amazing partner share their thoughts?”

His casual way of giving you room to express yourself makes things a bit easier, knowing he’s on your side.

Sonic’s always hyper-aware in crowded spaces.

He’s like a human (or, well, hedgehog) shield, positioning himself so you’re buffered from the hustle and bustle.

He’ll keep you close, sometimes holding your hand tightly, or if you’re really nervous, he’ll even wrap his arm around you protectively.

Sonic’s not usually one for PDA, but he’ll make an exception to help you feel safe and grounded.

Sonic celebrates your small victories, knowing how much courage it takes.

Whether it’s speaking up in a group, meeting a new friend, or even just making it through a social outing, he’ll always be there with a proud smile, a high-five, or a quick

“You did awesome, I’m so proud of you!”

It’s never over-the-top or embarrassing—just Sonic’s way of reminding you that every step counts.

Sonic knows that sometimes, you just need to be alone to recharge.

He doesn’t take it personally; in fact, he admires how self-aware you are about your own needs.

If you let him know you need a day to yourself, he’ll give you space without hesitation.

But of course, he’ll check in with a quick text like,

“Hope you’re doing okay! Take all the time you need. Catch you soon, alright?” so you know he’s thinking of you.

When Sonic senses your anxiety building up, he’ll subtly try to get you laughing, often with something silly just to lighten the mood.

He’s not afraid to make a fool of himself if it means you’ll feel a little less tense.

Sonic doesn’t shy away from asking if you’re okay when he notices you’ve been unusually quiet or down.

His usual upbeat tone softens a bit as he gently checks in,

“You seem a little off—wanna talk about it?”

He’s a great listener, and even if you find it hard to talk about your feelings, he’ll give you all the time you need, never rushing or judging.

Even though Sonic will step in when you need it, he also encourages you to find ways to work through your social anxiety at your own pace.

He’ll suggest small steps, always patient and gentle, understanding that it takes time.

“Wanna try saying hi to Knuckles on your own today?” he’ll ask with an encouraging grin.

He’s proud of every little step you take.

Above all, Sonic’s love for you is constant, patient, and kind.

He never makes you feel ashamed or like you’re a burden.

He sees your social anxiety as a part of you, not something that defines you.

To him, you’re amazing just as you are, and he’s always there, ready to support you no matter what.

[jenniferjareauwife]

I Didn't Do This

pairing: rio vidal x fem reader

category: hurt/comfort

warnings: self-harm, mentions of suicide

word count: 602

summary: rio finds you bleeding in the bathroom

I gulped when I saw the small pool of blood on the bathroom floor. It was dribbling from the cuts I had made on my wrist just a few minutes ago. I gently placed Rio's dagger on the counter by the sink, giving myself a mental reminder to wash it off in a couple minutes.

"My love? Have you seen my dagger?" I froze up once I heard her voice and her footsteps just a few feet away from the bathroom door.

"Oh no- sorry." I gulped, knowing it was her prized possession. I knew she wouldn't care if I had it but if she knew what I had used it for...that's another story. I quickly hid it in the cabinet below the counter, knowing she would walk into the bathroom next.

The doorknob turned and the first thing she noticed was the blood on my floor. "Did I forgot to heal something?" She queried, a bit confused.

"Oh- uh-"

"I'd never hurt you on your wrist." She sounded a tiny bit accusatory, but that quickly turned to worry. "My love what did you do?"

"Nothing." I whispered quickly, watching as she grabbed my hand to bring my wrist to her tongue, licking the cuts and to heal them while holding eye contact.

"I didn't do this." She whispered, her eyes clouding with worry. "My love...did you do this to yourself?"

"I just...I yeah...yeah I did." I wiped away a single tear that fell from my eye and sat on the edge of the bathtub, avoiding eye contact. I really never wanted her to figure it out.

"I'm not mad at you sweetheart. I just want to know why." She knelt down in front of me, apparently she had found her dagger because it was back in its rightful place in her belt.

"Does it even matter?"

"Of course it matters. I have known everyone who has commit suicide-"

"I didn't try to commit suicide-"

"I'm well aware of the warning signs." Her voice was more firm now but it calmed me, she knew. She wanted to help.

"I'm sorry-"

"My love I'm not angry with you." She reminded me, laughing softly with a small smirk. I was the only one she was ever soft with, but even I had never seen her this soft. She ran her thumb over the now healed cuts, helping me stand up and leading me to our bed.

I sat against the headboard in silence as Rio gave me a glass of water before putting a flower in my hair. "I don't want you to be in pain." She whispered, her lips inches from mine. I snickered a little, knowing how our foreplay worked. Her eyes lit up as she saw me laugh. "You know what I mean." She pecked my lips.

"It was the first time." I admitted quietly. She gave a small nod, kissing my forehead and pulling me in for a hug.

"I want you to talk to me about this stuff." She murmured in my ear. "Instead of letting it get to this, you know?" My heart sank.

"I know."

"Hey, don't feel bad about it, ok?" She gently cupped my face in her hands. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I have been for the past 100 years and I'm not going anywhere now." She wiped away a small tear that trickled down my cheek.

"Thank you. That means a lot." I leaned my forehead against hers.

"Of course my love." Another forehead kiss. "I'm always here. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

[aerospectrum]

"Nothing." Cas insisted, looking up to watch the tears fall- feeling himself swept away by the guilt of his actions and words. "Madison.. I'm sorry, I.. you didn't do anything, I'm sorry I didn't mean--" when she screamed it forced his shoulders to jump up to his ears and surprisingly her shove had force enough to make Cas stumble back. "Madison wait!" he called after her- his eyes squeezed shut with how hard the door slammed- feeling the room ricochet around them.

The three of them listened to the shatter from upstairs and Dean rushed for the steps, Cas’ fingers grazed Dean's wrist before the hunter yanked away from him. "Dean, I just wanted to help-"

"Well you didn't!" Dean barked at him, half towering over him with darkened eyes and muscles tensed. "If you weren't some stupid kid right now, I'd kill you myself with your own blade." Dean spit the words out and almost instantly wished he could've swallowed them down before they'd came out. He watched the shift of emotions, the turmoil and the defeat- all of it and then Castiel's gaze hardened, like somehow he'd garner his grace back and smite them all. Instead...

"I hate you!"

Sam watched the way Cas fled the house and Dean- trapped between going after him or going up to Madison. "Just go check on Madison."

Dean raised his arm above the doorframe, searching for a door key- exhaling relief when he felt the metal. He twisted with the key, hearing it click and slowly he nudged the door open. "Can I come in?" he asked, not wanting to breach the containment of her safety in case she decided to lob something at his head too. "Not...to invalidate you here but... but you know Cooties aren't real, right?" he used the door as his shield for a second longer, then took the risk and stepped in, beelining to take a seat next to her. "I'm sorry." he began. "For all of this, I- I wish you'd called some bullshit ghost investigator instead too." he twirled his thumbs around each other and stared at the space between his knees. "It would've save you a lot of trouble... but I'm kinda happy you fucked up and called us; kinda thought you and I had something.. maybe." he shrugged, trying to soothe the heat of the anger overtaking her. "Even if you did give me cooties." he bumped her elbow with his, trying to prompt a smile.

He inhaled deep and looked around the room at the mess of things she'd thrown around and broken. "That's one hell of an arm you got, want me to clean this up for you?..." he looked at her again. "Madison. The angels are gonna realize that's a children's tale and Gabriel's gonna leave and... things will go back to normal for you again. He shouldn't have said it, I'm not defending him, but I know i've said a helluva lot worse about people before myself; and I wasn't 14 when I did it either...." he wanted to run his hand along her leg or hold her hand and show her some sort of comfort, but every time he thought about it he worried she'd flip out and smack him like she had in the motel.

Running a hand through his hair Dean sighed and dropped both hands to his thighs, unsure what else to say that wouldn't infuriate her or make her feel invisible. "What do you want us to do, Madison?" Dean stood from the bed. "We can leave now, I can get a guy out here to fix that extra door in the wall in your kitchen and we can disappear into obscurity like you've never even called if that's what you want."

Madison sat there dumbfounded.

It was happening again. The slow motion. The delayed words. The slow processing. Her eyes bounced from cas then to Sam, then to Dean, & back to cas. Head tilting slightly trying to understand what he said.

“Why?” She asked softly. Her eyes welling w/ tears. “Why did you do this to me?? What… what did I do to you?”

A few tears slid down her cheeks. Maybe she was a cry baby. A big useless cry baby. “Why would you even say I have cooties…. What did I do to you?”

Her hand came up to wipe her face & she sniffled. “I wish I had never called you all!” She shouted before standing up & pushing cas away & running to the stairs & running upstairs. For the second time in 24 hrs she was slamming the door to her bed room, this time, locking it. In frustration, she reached for the nearest unlucky item which happened to be a glass vase of candy & hurled into at the wall. It shattered & she screamed in anger. Had her furniture been alive they might have cowardly hid. There were a few other items that went flying before she flopped down on her bed putting her head in her hands.

The tears had stopped & she was now just seething. Who was she even supposed to be upset at? Herself? For getting caught in this mess & in deans charms? Cas for lying? Gabriel for breaking a hole into her home? She sat in bed staring around the floor.

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 4, Wave 1, Poll 7

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and round here.

Wei Wuxian-The Untamed / Mo Dao Zu Shi

Qualifications:

Goes through a somewhat unethical organ transplant (in that the person he is giving the organ to doesn't realize that's what's going on) where he gives up his "golden core." This is like his center of power and by giving it up, not only is he not able to do most of the more "magic" things he could do before, but he's also noticeably physically weaker and gets injured much more easily (and takes longer to recover) as well as faints more often (iirc he only faints once pre-golden core removal and that was after sustaining major injuries and going on for a significant time without any healing while also fighting and traveling). Like he finds ways around it and invents new methods so that he can still do some things that he did before, just via a very different method. In the show we don't really see any characters who aren't cultivators, or at least part of that world, so Wei Wuxian is like the only character we really get to see without a golden core.

Also gotta say that this boy is severely depressed. Like "I'm-going-to-ask-my-doctor-friend-to-perform-a-mutliple-day-long-surgery-on-myself-in-which-I-will-be-awake-where-she'll-rip-out-the-core-of-my-being-and-transplant-it-into-my-adopted-brother-who-I'll-make-sure-never-finds-out-what-happened-even-though-he'll-come-to-hate-me" depressed. he has no value for his own life other than what he can give to others, even if it's his own body. like I think some fans unfairly classify him as being insane when he's really just depressed as all hell and having the worst possible things happen to him one after another and every time he breaks down it causes more trouble and usually people end up dying because of him.

Mod note: I find it a bit funny that the qualifications are so long and don’t once mention how he qualifies as LGBTQ+

Propaganda:

https://youtu.be/swbXAVADjxY ^ok this clip kinda explains the whole thing better (and obvs spoilers)

https://youtu.be/2wO5nsnkSBk ^and this video is just for fun but it's a little thing about Wei Wuxian & Jiang Cheng because their relationship makes me unwell

Additional Qualifications/Propaganda by @transparent-internet-maker

Kinda surprised ADHD!Wei Wuxian isn't included I thought that was a popular hc. There are several signs: He seems to forget a lot of things, but at the same time he clearly remembers other things that happened a long time ago. He invented a. lot. of things. His mind is almost never where he physically is and he's really smart in that thinks-way-too-much-out-of-the-box-in-a-short-time way. (1/2)

Then there is the fact that he's actually knowledgable, more than most of the others at times, but we see him doing whatever else he wants to instead of studying more often than not. The inventions point and this put together hint at him not being focused and having hyperfixations. And the general view of not studious but still smarter than everyone else just clear adhd I think. NOT trying to hate anyone, I thought I'd just mention this since I've seen a lot of adhd wwx.

Yoite-Nabari no Ou

Qualifications:

Heavily heavily coded relationship with another boy, canonically intersex and can be read as trans. (implied to be cafab) Suffers from flashbacks, emotional dysregulation, depersonalization due to abuse and neglect. Also terminally ill and progressively loses his sight/taste/hearing and has more trouble getting around and staying awake. Super autism coded, for that matter. To me. And many of the fans actually.

Propaganda:

A very sad boy, in a story about very sad boys fighting for self determination and learning the importance of community. He's a shinobi and can kill people by manipulating their lifeforce from the inside, but he also likes sweets and baseball and mathematics and he communicates like a shy, neglected cat. He's also named after someone's cat. Extremely good character written by an aroace and x-gender author

Anything Else?:

He is the bestest boy ever and should win this tournament by a landslide if the series were more well known

[nerdygaymormon]

Final Session, Nov 2024

In May 2023 I was diagnosed with an eating disorder and began therapy. I binge and I chew & spit, or rather I did. Over the past 20 months I've managed to overcome this disordered eating. It's been quite a journey and I've learned a lot about the how's and why's and my long history with disordered eating.

I go to a facility associated with a university and I see students who are overseen by a licensed psychologist. It means every semester I see a different therapist (it also means I pay bargain rates). It's been interesting to see so many therapists and their different approaches and how their personality and viewpoint makes a big difference in the way the sessions go.

At my previous session, we spoke about the hurricane, the stress of it and losing power for days and how my eating behavior changed. I turned to comfort foods and I couldn't cook so lots of canned and instant foods. However, within a week I was back onto more healthy eating and back to cooking several meals in one go and storing them in the fridge.

At the end of that session, the therapist asked if it would be alright if he read my blog post from 2017 which went viral and outed me to everyone. I've referenced it several times, it is clear it was an important moment for me and had a big impact on my life. Tbh, his request surprised me and felt invasive. I know that reading the blog post would then give him access to read the rest of my blog. Of course I talk about a lot of private things with him that I don't share on my blog but in my sessions with him I hadn't really discussed my current relationship with church and faith. I gave him the links to the blog post because he had a good reason for wanting to read it and I've learned my anxiety often senses danger where there isn't any.

I arrived for my current session and the therapist came to the lobby to bring me back, and he was dressed in a way that accentuated his body (he must be a weightlifter). I was walking behind him noticing his bubble butt and I thought to myself, "I don't know if I can meet with a therapist I find attractive." 😅

When we got to the room, he told me he read my blog post, it seems like it was a beautiful experience. Then he asked me what is my current relationship with this church and faith? I shared that there's a difference in my belief and actions. My beliefs have changed so much over the past few years, even as I continue going to church. He asked if I still hold the position I did in the blog post (stake executive secretary). I indeed do have that position. I shared that the calling often gives me a chance to be at church without actually attending the worship service, or even when i do go to the worship service I don't go to Sunday School, instead I go do an office to do this position.

He asked why I still go because it sounds like I'd rather not be there. I know that it seems contradictory, but it's not a simple choice of go or not, it affects other things. When the blog post went viral in 2017 and basically outed me to everyone, I had siblings say that access to see their children was dependent on me remaining in church. My mom is homophobic and me going to church helps keep the peace. To stop going to church comes with some big consequences. He looked stunned and asked if they really gave ultimatums like that. Yes they did, so if that's their position, does that mean I wouldn't be welcome at family gatherings, will it be me or them & their kids?

Plus, I live in the same house as my parents. Were I to not go to church, that would likely cause tension. I've looked at moving out but apartment rents are wildly high and would take a lot of my income. Just explaining that there's a lot of layers to consider to this decision. Also, it's not like any organization is all good or all bad, there are some positive things about church and this community, I have many friends there.

I know I am not supposed to live my life for them, it is MY life, yet I love and want to be part of my family. It feels like I have been set on a branch of the family tree and told it's up to me whether I want to use the saw to cut myself off from them. Because of that, most of them don't know much of anything that goes on in my life because I don't share with them, I don't think they'd welcome hearing about it since it's related to me being gay. I have another side of my life with gay and queer friends. I am involved in organizations for queer people. I have two sides to my life that often don't feel like they fit together.

Then on top of that, this election scares me. Project 2025 has very anti-queer goals and many of those people will be in government trying to move those goals forward. When I woke up Wednesday morning to see the winner of the election, I took some deep breaths, I didn't turn on the news or listen to any podcasts, I ate a healthy breakfast and went to work. I don't have the emotional bandwidth right now to do more than take care of myself.

I thought to myself that I have lived through worse. No matter how much they try to roll back LGBTQ rights, it won't go all the way back to where it used to be. But with that said, it will be a struggle because we've gotten used to the better climate, to being able to be out and open, to having legal protections that others take for granted. So much of queer rights have come from the Supreme Court, and with President Trump likely getting to name several more justices to that court, I foresee them undoing those rights, and the legislature and president won't fight to restore those rights through legislation.

I was 25 years old when the Supreme Court ruled that laws can't target queer people to restrict them and their rights, that laws couldn't exempt queer people from protections that other people get. I was 32 years old when sodomy laws were struck down by the Supreme Court, which means I spent over half my life with gay relationships being illegal. It was less than 10 years ago that the Supreme Court decided I could get married and only 4 years ago when it decided employees couldn't be fired simply for being gay and trans. It's the court which has step-by-step allowed me the opportunity to live life similar to non-queer citizens, and now I fear it can take that away.

I can't change or fix any of that. Whether it's my family, my church, my government, I will have to deal with the fallout from just trying to live a normal life, the kind of life that other people feel so entitled to that they don't ever contemplate what if that was not possible for them.

I think I'm clear-eyed on what my options are and the consequences of them. Sure, I've kicked the can down the road about my family and my church because there's sure to be a lot of negative consequences, but it can't wait forever. Over the past 7 years since my blog post went viral, I've gone to therapy and built a better foundation for myself. I've dealt with social anxiety, low self esteem, internalized homophobia, eating disorders, generalized anxiety, and processing trauma. I've built a community of queer friends. The reason I work at a university is because 20 years ago they offered partner benefits so I knew if they found out I am gay, I would be okay. I have a foundation that let's me now think about making some of the hard choices I must face.

I arrived for this session thinking it would be pretty upbeat and light as it's my last time seeing this therapist. The semester is ending and his rotation here will soon be over. He responded that he's glad I brought this up. He and his supervisor were discussing me and agree that it's time to end my therapy. Unless there's been a change since our last session and I've relapsed, they feel I have the internal tools to move forward without their help. This therapist was here for the Summer and Fall, so I've seen him for 6 months, and he said it's been a pleasure to see me succeeding.

It was my response to the hurricane last month, how I turned to comfort food and seemed to go off track, but then snapped back into a routine of meal prep and healthier eating, that led him to believe I was ready to move forward, that I'd really overcome the eating disorder.

I replied that I don't know if "overcome" is the right word. My experience with other mental health disorders is they're like seeds in the ground that from time to time will try to sprout, and I have to choose not to let them grow. He responded that he likes another metaphor, that we've been installing lights in a house, and now the living areas, bathroom, and bedrooms are brightly lit, yet there's the basement, maybe some rooms in the corner that are still dark, but we don't have to go there, and at some point maybe I'll install lights in those places, too. However I want to think about it, I am ready to go forward. I did the work and should be proud of what I've accomplished.

As I walked out to my car, I was overwhelmed by emotions. I think I should have felt like celebrating, but instead the feelings I've had from this journey all came rushing back. It was a lot, so many feelings jumbled together.

I again felt stunned at being officially diagnosed. I felt disgust that I choose to still be part of an institution that has hurt me so much. I felt thankful for having friends who I could share about this. I felt shame at what I’ve done to my body. I felt compassion for myself when I understood my body & mind did this to help me survive. I felt the discomfort of sitting in body positivity classes being asked to share very personal thoughts and feelings with others. I felt the shock at realizing I engaged in disordered eating every single day. I felt the curiosity and wonder when I learned how I used different foods for different reasons and how disordered eating was a way for my body & mind to deal with a variety of things. I felt sad for teenager me who used to self harm, and when he stopped doing that he then turned to disordered eating to deal with the feelings about the situation he was in. I felt scared as to whether I could really change. I felt satisfaction at knowing I made choices and was moving forward. There was a sense of safety at knowing I had professionals on my team helping me and also feeling loss that they won’t be there in the future.

It was all these feelings & more, and it was overwhelming. In the past, I would have gone to the store and bought food to binge, to create a physical sensation and discomfort that would distract me from my feelings, instead I cried and just let myself feel all this, and somehow crying led to a feeling of relief.

[mesetacadre]

How did you start your political life or more specifically, how did you learn about communism and made it part of your life? I'd love to learn more about communism and how I could help the world and people but I feel like I'm too stupid for that and I just generally don't know where to start, especially since I'm afraid even socialism will fail and hurt people more than help. Sorry for this message but thanks in advance if you decide to answer!

Around the time I began to come out of a year-long+ depressive period, I began to seriously "get into" politics. I suspect one of the reasons which triggered such a long and severe depressive period was the beginnings of a political consciousness, I intuited something was wrong with the world in a fundamental way, especially the education system, but did not have any knowledge or will to get at that more concretely. I did latch on a lot to that "don't go to school" viral video, especially the part about how it hadn't fundamentally changed since the industrial revolution.

The first thing I found after I stopped wanting to kill myself so constantly was anarchism, actually, and specifically vaush videos. I know. but I did start reading some things, like the conquest of bread, and some more "competent" political theory content than vaush, I did really like the idea of market socialism and coops. To my credit, I also encountered georgism and even I could tell it was pretty stupid. Anyhow, I never really was convinced on anarchism, on a fundamental level. I knew the talking points, the common arguments, that jazz, but it was more a superficial belief rather than a core one. After like 6 months of this I decided to contact the party I am now, I had encountered them a couple months earlier but kinda chickened out. The will to do something more than watch vaush and be opinionated about US politics eventually prevailed and I contacted the party, and they were very patient in actually educating me, giving me some responsibility, and in the years since then I've continued to be educated in practice and theory. Generally I'm glad by trajectory wasn't like some other young people in my position that I encountered, who went from fascist to right-libertarian to US democrat in a matter of months, those people wear their lack of principles like a badge of honor.

Anyway, about your other questions, there is no such thing as being too dumb for communism, it's rather a question of a will to learn and a decent enough offline organization with which to apply some principles to your context. Theory is extremely deep, for sure, but there is no minimum theory requirement to start to get organized. This perception exists because often, the only communists who organize as such explicitly are, frankly put, massive nerds, and it gives off the impression that you need to have read all the basics before doing anything. That isn't true.

I get your concern about hurting people, I think it's a legitimate doubt to have, and one that can only really be resolved with an actual 1-1 conversation and not this format, but succinctly, I'd tell you that already, millions of people suffer and thousands die every day from causes related to the oppression intertwined with the capitalist mode of production, especially imperialism. It has killed throughout history exponentially more people than any army could ever do, even the most genocidal and cruel army you could imagine. Isn't the opportunity to end all of this worth the risk of failing? The capitalist class will oppress our organization regardless of what we do, a failed uprising is more of an excuse to clamp down on our class, and less of a cause in itself.

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[bixels]

While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.

Bye.

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.

[sysig]

Editing takes forever and it's lonely and boring to do it for too long by myself, I'm gonna stream a session at some point

[mokutone]

i think in the new year i might not post as frequently as the last two for a while—while my ds9 cube comic was very much a silly goof, it's not inaccurate to say that i'm a little burnt out! (and that i should probably start taking up some more sports or games)

it's a weird burnout too, because i'm not like, tired of drawing (i still enjoy it) nor am i tired of drawing naruto stuff (i'm very comfortable and happy drawing my yamatos)

but something has shifted a little bit, and i do feel some kind of strain—i'm not in as much of a doodling mood as I have been the past 2+1/2 years, I'm feeling a craving for Projects, I think.

things that test me more, and take more time. Things that give me more direction, and less aimless creative meandering—well, we'll see! we'll see what happens.

[tigirl-and-co]

i wish i was good at art so people would be interested in my ocs.

except that's a lie. i don't even really enjoy making art besides doodles. what i love is writing. so i think what i actually want is for everyone to fall in love with reading.

and like obviously i get it. im weird. i spent a large part of my youth reading wikis for games i never played, shows i never watched. i still do tbh. i have always loved seeking out superfluous information. bc it was *like* reading a story, except you only had the separate pieces and had to put them together like puzzle to get the whole story

it's a bit like history, now that i think about it.

and i LOVE finding somebody who has OCs with thousands of words of backstory. that's the fastest way to get me interested. a simple doodle and then a wiki entry of information.

idk. i guess im just venting a bit. it feels a bit unfair. every pro-OC post is geared towards artists. people who love to draw. but I just don't. i mean yeah i like making little doodles, but frankly it's about the same enjoyment i get from solving basic math equations.

and fucking obviously i love and treasure all my artist friends. if you are seeing this and you love to draw your OCs, I love you. I would never begrudge you your happiness.

it's times like these i wish forums hadn't really died out. i want a community. i want to make that connection. but i feel ignored bc my talents don't align with the current state of things in the greater community.

whatever. whatever. i just hate venting bc i worry about making people feel bad but sometimes I feel bad. and ive never been able to talk about feeling bad without getting yelled at. Which isn't healthy, of course, and I know that, and Im slowly trying to break the habit of just shoving it down. and Ive had a drink so im willing to be more open so uh. there, i guess. i feel like dogshit that i have neither the energy nor the inclination to draw my OCs and that it's literally fucking impossible to get your OCs noticed through writing. nothing really to be done about it. that's just how life goes. not all hobbies are meant for all people.

[13eyond13]

.

[medicinemane]

My stomach sounds like some manner of beast right now, just kind of "mhhhrmmhhbbhh"ing, like some sort of creature snuffling and grumbling

[kkujo]

also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling