#or i will be at mames door

[psychdiarys]

The one thing that bothers me about Love Sea is what they did with ViMook's storyline. Like as a frequent enjoyer of side couples I'm used to the writers paying them dust & I was entirely prepared for a rushed underdeveloped ending for VM. But leaving their story UNFINISHED is cruel beyond comprehension 😭😭😭😭 Like why give them a premise at all if you're not planning to give their story an ending?????? In ep 9 Mook isn't even ready to speak to Vi & things are awkward between them but in ep 10 they're hanging out like they normally do & discussing Mut & Rak instead of addressing the elephant in the room (their feelings). Like, why didn't they confess??!!!! AND I GET IT not every story gets a happy ending or whatever but the craziest part is that the only thing holding them back from becoming girlfriends is that Vi doesn't want to "lose" by confessing first & Mook thinks Vi doesn't actually like women. It's not even Vi's career or internalized homophobia or literally any kind of complicated deep-seated issue. So if Mook finds out that Vi is, in fact, a lesbian, and Vi gets over her silliness, they could have been together, but instead, their last scene together is them talking about men??? Like can they talk about their own lives??? 😭 And I KNOW that we might see them finally getting together in the special episode. But special episodes are for cutesy post-canon bonus content, not for plot developments. I'm genuinely so disappointed.

[gibbearish]

the fun thing abt no mow stuff is that like. even if you dont like the way more natural lawns look, its not as if the neighborhood lawns around here look um. better? they just look shorter. like it's still the same assortment of local plants, theyre just. all trimmed. and Most Plants That Arent Grass look like absolute Shit when constantly mowed. so ppl around here will get weird at us for not mowing as if their lawn doesnt look like scrublands that just got picked clean by a herd of starving goats

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Getting hot under the collar and in the kitchen and on the pool table and...

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Aug 2024 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 3-4 of 12 - one of the things I'm enjoying about this show is the fact that the introverted super shy uke is having hot fantasies, and the extroverted seme is having the sweet fantasies. It's another way this show is highlighting God being the world's greenest flagged seme BL has ever produced. (And he's being given stiff competition this year - trend alert.)

Anygay: God is so cute and so not cool and so in love and all the consent asking word salad coming out of this boy. I LOVE him. 

Diew: It’s ep 4 so I’ve decided we can talk face-to-face.  God: So how many children do you want? 

The teaching him to play basketball bit, where God politely asks to hold his hand, is so freaking adorable I can’t.

I'm thinking of calling this show the anti-Mame pill.

Blue pill? Red pill? GREEN pill!

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - We gotta talk. I do like this version, but it’s starting to feel lackluster. Perhaps it always was by comparison to the bright sparkle uniqueness of the original. Perhaps I didn't notice because I was distracted by G4. But now I gotta say it's become a bit disappointing and even my love for G4 can’t seem to bind me to this. Frankly, this show is making me want to watch either the Japanese version, or My School President. It’s never a good sign when a currently airing BL makes me want to stop that and go rewatch an old one I’ve already seen.

NO SINGING.

Meanwhile, the "locked on the rooftop" trope! I haven’t seen that one in years. Cool. Also cute kisses. They learning. 

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 7 of 8 - I can’t believe this is ending next week. But also I can. And I have thoughts.

I really love SailubPon. They might be one of my favorite newer pairs on the scene right now. But I just don’t believe in these characters or this couple. I don’t feel like they are going to have a lasting relationship. It feels like they’re just using each other for sex and distraction, and that’s how the script to set it up, and as a result they’re never gonna make it as a couple. As soon as the sexual fire between them burns out, what do they have to build a relationship on? Frankly? That would be fine if this were a modern love drama, and not a BL. But this IS a BL.

Putting the health code violators aside, I really do believe in the secondary pair, but they haven’t been given enough bandwidth to develop as a couple. There’s no way they’re going to adequately resolve Methas and JJ in the final episode.

At this juncture, I’m mostly finding this show annoying. Which in itself is annoying, because I wanted to love it.

Why is it that Thailand, the land of the best food in the world, king of BLs, struggles so hard to produce the restaurant set BL of my dreams? I’m really pissed about this.

That said, the Methas & JJ stuff is killer. Loved JJ running away. So good. Plus the age old decision - love or money? 

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 2-3 of 12 - The issue was me and I've managed to get hold of this show again. The story within the story is so ridiculously badly written I'm going spare. I’m not sure if the outside show is not ALSO badly written. That said, I do love how the 3 writer friends are all shipping our leads. It’s VERY silly. Meanwhile, cohabitation trope is a go. 

I like the side couple too. Stern Daddy + lost puppy is a very cute dynamic, I hope we get more than just crumbs. I actually am enjoying this show now. Ep 3 kinda derailed into this weird chimera novel that they’re all writing together and I’m finding that bit the least interesting, but I adore the domestic components which I think may turn out to be TutorYim's strength (if they're allowed to lean into it). 

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - Man I hope this gets some kind of distribution at some point. It was a pain to find and watch. But I enjoyed it. The focus is more on the seme in Thailand’s version. Which I don’t mind since that's rare in BL, and it’s more August on my screen. It’s all round softer than China’s version but still feels very familiar. I know some fans are struggling with it, but not me.

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - I like that Sam’s crafty business espionage has paid off. Them teasing Sam & Yo really had me belly laughing. It was so funny.

Legitimate question. Would one put perfume on one’s cheeks in Thailand, as one does on wrist or sternum? Because of the sniff cheek thing? Scented face powders?

I do feel like with MosBank & SailubPon scorching up our screens, we’re being spoiled by some of Thailand‘s best high heat pairs at the moment.

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 12 - It remains kind of sweet and cute. It's also calm and slow moving. Oddly it reminds me of La Cuisine in its style and execution (if not content). I’m enjoying it more than I thought I would.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 7 of 12 - I don’t know. I’m getting bored.

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 10fin - Fort’s acting during the break-up was truly great. But I feel for Rak. It’s rough to learn that someone else is playing a long game with feelings while you were playing a short game with d**k.

Ultimately this is probably a solid 8/10 show but I’m mad I wasn’t madder at it, and I'm mad I was so bored throughout. So it gets a 7/10 and let us not speak of this again. I’d like to simply forget about it. Trash watch.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 1-2 of 10 - OMG a uni student who looks young and a... COP! GAH. The subversion and kink of it all. I had to go grey to get it and I hate everything about what I had to do. But ya know what? Fucking worth every single repeated crash-causing advertisement.

I love it. The grumpy lonely little student cook and the cheerful mature police officer. What a fabulous dynamic. Is the cook looking for a boyfriend or a Daddy, and do we care if it has the same result? It is filmed VERY manga style camp. I’m a little nervous about that, but this means it’s also very fluffy and so damn sweet. It made me squeak with the cute. I’m gutted this didn’t get distribution.

Ironic that Tawada Hideya is in a new BL while Sunspot is re-airing.

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 3-4 of 8 - Ah, the gays are doubting the bisexual again. How familiar. I like how this one is paced and moving through time, even if the relationship seems to be going comparatively slowly by contrast. I love the way Sahashi is always looking at Natsume, even when they’re in conversation with someone else. Ah yearning. I think the conflict was kind of inevitable, given the two personalities of the protagonists, and I like that. (No manufactured angst here.) But I still hope they can repair the breach and I’m still interested. Frankly this is so classically Japan - I don’t know what story beats it’s following and I’m not entirely sure where it’s going, but I kinda like that unpredictability. Makes me think it could go into "must you, Japan?" territory but fingers crossed.

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - I'm enjoying it very much. I could do without the girl character. I know she’s more interesting than most (this is Japan after all), but she’s not really for me. It’s the complexity of the connection between the leads (and why they like each other) that’s being executed so brilliantly in this show (and in the manga, FYI). Both actors are so on point with their roles and the nuanced emotions required of these characters that every time it’s only them interacting I'm riveted. I could do without the rest of the cast tho.

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 1 of 8 - I have a confession to make, I’ve been watching this whole series as it goes along. But this is the pair I absolutely like the most. I’m not sure I would necessarily recommend any of the installments, and I’m not sure how this one is going to go, but I’m VERY invested in this particular couple. They are so pretty!!!! This is a true friends-to-lovers struggle. I like that a lot. (Reminds me of I Cannot Reach You but a different dynamic.) Did I mention how pretty they are? And we already know they gonna kiss well. I bet the uncut version is stellar.

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - It's no one's funeral, turns out! Reports are in - not only are there kisses but it ends happily with wedding plans. So I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging. I'm enjoying it. Ya'll know I adored Chinese BL before censorship. It has a certain unhinged quality I very much apreciate (and is the reason I'm so tolerant of the Thai pulps) that I think will marry well with Wuxia's effervescent and ever-present tropes. Watch me suffer here.

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - About a singer with stage fright and his timid fan starring Charles (H4 the puppy one) and Michael Chang (the youngster in My Tooth Your Love), plus side couple featuring a Thai actor Jame (Koh in Gen Y) and Liu Min Ting (of Guardian fame). What a damn team. With their powers combined they are...

fine.

This is a fine BL. The fight scene was fun and I like the meet cute. I’m not sure about the chemistry of the leads, but I think they’ll probably do okay. I admit I’m struggling a bit with a singing and the music. Are you surprised? I think I like it enough, but I’m not wowed.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - Oh! Out of the blue attack kiss. What IS this show? I don’t get it at all. Bah. I guess they’re dating now. It’s… so odd...

It's airing but...

4 Minutes (Thai Netflix/Grey) - A rich boy at uni suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future. I have a source, but I've decided to hold off and binge if it ends okay, since it's only 8 eps. I depend upon y'all to tell me if it's safe.

8/16 The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) ? eps - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Again delayed? Not sure what's going on with this one but the continued push-backs do not bode well.

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! (Yeah this is gonna sit here until then).

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming This Month!

8/22 The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) 12 eps - announced in 2023 this one has a high school set stepbrothers trope and is reputed to be high heat. From Taiwan! It's made for me. Based on a novel Mou Mou from the Your Name Engraved Herein folks, so it could go dark. Still, I'm very excited.

8/22 The Paradise of Thorns (Thai movie) theater release - Jeff Satur is back but this does not look like a BL (the gay lover's death is the inciting event). More in Goodbye Mother vein. Looks dark and dramatic. He opposite and extremely well known actor Toey Pongsakorn who has never done gay before.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

WHY IS HE SO FINE?

I truly belly laughed. Sam & Yo did not go in the direction I expected, but this scene alone made me not mind that they curtailed the suffering Sam was rightfully due. (SunsetXVibes)

Tall boyfriend armpit, anyone? (Monster Next Door)

The two extremes of BL in one show (Long Beans indeed).

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[whydoyoucare866]

Girlll how about Miguel x Hispanic!Wife! Reader and Miguel comes home all beaten up and shit with his suit glitching and she asks what happen and he explains how he chased down miles and she yells at him for beating up a child. Like full on Hispanic mom mode then she gets all soft with him and patches him up and cooks him something nice 😊

YOU WHAT?

omg bettt, sorry this took so long, I wrote it and forgot to save it before closing the app and lost everything 😭

Miguel O’Hara x Hispanic!Wife Reader

Masterlist

Warnings: Swear words

You and Miguel had been married for some years, you both met at the spider society, but ever since you got pregnant Miguel became too protective of you and insisted on you taking a break, he didn’t want you to make too much effort and hurt yourself, or even worse, he couldn’t handle the thought of losing another child or losing you, so eventually you gave in to his wishes and took a break.

You were cleaning your house (even though Miguel told you he would do it when he came back) while listening to songs that you’re sure you learnt from listening to them when your mom cleaned when you were younger, you know those sad old lady songs like the ones from Amanda Miguel, Pimpinela, Rocío Dúrcal, and artists like that “Amor, de verdad pareces una señora dolida” (Love, you’re acting like a depressed old lady) Miguel told you once when he came home to you screaming your lungs out to Así No Te Amará Jamás as if you had been through three divorces and four infidelities.

Suddenly your thoughts were interrupted when you heard the door aggressively open and heavy footsteps, you became excited as you knew that Miguel had finally arrived, but when you heard that he was stumbling around and you turned to him you were shocked. You saw your husband covered in bruises and wounds, and his suit was glitching, you hadn’t seen him like that in such a long time, you weren’t even sure that you had ever seen him that bad.

Hearing him groan in pain pulled you out of your shock state and you soon started to realize how messed up he actually looked.

“AY MIGUEL, QUE CHINGADOS TE PASÓ?” (AY MUGUEL, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?) you asked shocked

“Nothing, im fi-“ he couldn’t even finish his sentence without whining in pain

“Ay no, no me vengas con esas mamadas de que no te pasó nada y que no se que chingados, no puedes ni siquiera decir una oración completa y dices esas pendejadas de que estás bien? Yo no soy pendeja y tu lo sabes Miguel, a mi no me ves la cara. Dime que chingados te pasó antes de que yo me entere por mi cuenta.” (Oh no, don’t come tell me that dumb shit of nothing happened, you can’t even finish a sentence and you say that you’re fine? I’m not dumb and you know it well Miguel, you are not lying to me. Tell me what the fuck happened before I find out by my own)

“I already told you i’m fine my love, you don’t need to worry about me, really” he was now sitting down on your couch

You approached him and you now had a clearer view of his wounds “Ay no, mírate cómo estás, no no, estoy bien mis huevos, iiiih, no mames me estás manchando mi sillón, neta si no me vas a decir que te pasó mínimo déjame ayudarte con tus heridas amor” (Look at you, no no, I’m fine my ass, oh my god and you’re staining my couch, if you’re not gonna tell me what happened at least let me help you with your wounds love)

“You really don’t need to, I can do it mysel-“

“Ya cállate, te voy a ayudar porque te voy a ayudar y tu te vas a dejar, y si no te dejas donde vea que se te infectan las heridas vas a ver eh cabrón?” (Just shut up, I’m gonna help you and you’re gonna let me, and if you don’t if I see that your wounds get infected you’re done understood?)

“No te vas a rendir verdad? okay fine you can help me” (You’re not giving up are you?)

“Good, it wasn’t a question” you smiled at him while heading to your bathroom to get your emergency kit which you always kept even if Miguel told you to throw it away or that it wasn’t necessary multiple times.

You came back to your living room and started cleaning Miguels wounds “So, you’re gonna tell me what happened to you or?”

He sighed “Miles..” he said almost whispering

“Hm? say it again? I can’t hear you corazón”

“Miles”

“Miles? as in the kid you told me about?” he nodded

“He couldn’t have possibly done this right? he’s a kid, you said so, tell me the full story”

“He went to HQ, Gwen brought him… he broke a cannon event and destroyed a universe, then I had to tell him”

“About? go on mi cielo, I’m all ears”

He sighed “I had to tell him… about his cannon event”

“Oh… I’m guessing he didn’t take it well” he shook his head

“He wanted to save his dad even if it destroyed the universe, I had to chase him down, I had to tell him that he was an anomaly, Every single spider in the society chased him down and he still beat our asses and managed to escape, I was so close to fucking ending with it once for all”

“YOU WHAT? A ver cielo, déjame ver si entendí, HICISTE QUE UN MONTÓN DE ADULTOS PERSIGUIERAN A UN NIÑO Y DESPUÉS CASI LO MATAS?” (YOU WHAT? Okay, let me see if I understood, YOU MADE A BUNCH OF ADULTS CHASE DOWN A KID AND AFTER THAT YOU ALMOST KILLED THE KID?)

quiet

“Sabes lo que le pudo haber pasado a ese niño?! Que habrías hecho si lo hubieras matado eh?” (Do you know what could’ve happened to that kid?! What would you have done if you had killed him huh?)

“Y/n you don’t understand, he wouldn’t listen to me”

“No, I don’t understand, he’s just a kid Miguel, of course he’s gonna try to save his dad! it’s logic!”

“Then what was I supposed to do huh?!”

“I DONT KNOW, MAYBE NOT TRY TO KILL A KID?”

“Look, I’m sorry, I just wanted what was best for everyone, I didn’t want him to deal with the guilt of making an universe come to an end, I’m so sorry , I promise you that I will try to fix everything” he said sincerely

“You should be apologizing to the kid, not me, but don’t worry as long as you make an effort it’ll be okay, just don’t try to kill kids again, and- oh my god, I didn’t finish cooking your food, okay, ahorita regresó mi amor, y ni se te ocurra moverte” as much as you wanted to be mad, you just couldn’t resist him, you brought him food and continued to heal him until he was as best as he could be.

[lurkingshan]

I am stewing on the way the class dynamic is unfolding in this drama. As usual with Thai media, this show has the working class character putting up and going along with anything the rich character does, a dynamic I typically find extremely frustrating and sometimes outright offensive. The difference for me so far though is that this story is definitely aware of this and directly commenting on the disparity, the way Rak keeps trying and failing to buy Mut, the way class and money is constantly thrown up as a wall between them, and the poor way Mut is being treated by the privileged people around him. Which makes me think this is actually going somewhere and not just another case of unrecognized bias in a drama. Sometimes MAME likes to make you stew in confusing dynamics for a few weeks before fully revealing her cards, and I suspect that's what's happening here.

What I want to understand, and really hope the show gets to, is why Mut is going along with any of this. What is motivating him to follow Rak to Bangkok when he has serious responsibilities at home? Why is he so unfazed by being brought to Rak's home only to have Mook basically call him a dirty and diseased sex worker and Rak slam the door in his face? Why does he want to stay despite the cold treatment and the lack of sex and even after seeing that ridiculous contract? Why is he so invested in making Rak believe in love?

Tell me, show! I need to know!

[dragon-kazansky]

Symphony of dreams

Morpheus x Female Reader

Morpheus has had time to adjust to life after his imprisonment. Reunited with his friend, and of course his wife, he focused on his kingdom. However, a new element comes into play. A Vortex. Rose may just be what he needs to find his missing residents.

{Masterlist}

{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}

Warnings: Long chapter ahead! This is the final chapter before the epilogue!

Chapter Ten - Blood and water

☆☆☆

You make your way to the throne room, head held high. You were determined to make Morpheus see reason. You were going to force him to accept help. You were also going to do all you could to stop him from hurting anyone else.

As you approached the doors to the throne room, you came across Mervyn. He bows his head to you as you join his side.

"Where are you off to?" You ask him.

"Im looking for Lucienne. Have you felt the quakes?" Mervyn asks.

"The quakes?"

As if waiting for its cue, the whole place shakes. You steady yourself. You look to Mervyn but he says nothing. You follow him through to the throne room.

Morpheus is looking at the window when you enter, and you can see why. A huge crack that seems to only have got bigger, reach up the window.

"What's happening?" You ask.

At the sound of your voice, he turns around and looks at you. You had been avoiding his company since Gault.

"I was, uh, gonna report to Lucienne," Mervyn says.

"About what?" Morpheus asks, turning his gaze from you to look at the pumpkin man beside you.

"The minor seismic activity... some minor damage."

"Then why not report to me?"

"Because you're busy?" Mervyn replies awkwardly. "Lucienne took care of all this stuff when you were gone, so I figured why with you-"

"Mervyn, things like this should be reported to Lord Morpheus. This is, after all, his realm," you say softly, trying to be kind.

Morpheus looks at you. The way he looks at you causes a twinge through your heart.vhe looks... desperate to be near you.

The room shakes again, and the crack in the window grows. You look to Morpheus.

"You want me to fix that for you, or will it just keep happening?" Mervyn asks.

"It will not keep happening," Morpheus assures him. "I will find the cause of the disturbance, and I will eliminate it."

You look at Dream with concern.

Mervyn leaves.

Morpheus turns his attention to you. "You came looking for me?" He asks.

"Yes." You nod.

He looks at you, waiting. You gather your courage to talk to him. "About earlier... I'm-"

"No. I'm sorry," he says.

You look at him now.

"You dreamt I hurt someone and then said I hurt you. Is that because I told you to stay here?"

"Morpheus, you have to let us help you. This isn't your burden to handle alone. You are not alone."

"I know that."

"Do you?" You ask.

"Yes, I do. I'm going to fix this. All of it." He speaks calmly as he looks at you. There is determination in his eyes.

"How?"

He slowly raised his hand out to you. "Come with me."

☆☆☆

You walk with him through the library toward where Lucienne is working. In one hand, he has some books. In the other, he holds your own hand.

"Lucienne."

"My lord." She turns to face him.

Morpheus lets go of your hand and takes a step closer to Lucienne. You hold your hands in front of you and listen.

"I have come to return these... and to assess the extent of the damage from the recent disturbances."

Morpheus takes a little look around. You decide to pick up some books off the floor to try and help a little.

"Have... you any idea as to what caused them?" Morpheus asks her.

"I assumed it was you, sir."

"Me?"

You glance up curiously at the pair.

"Maming further improvements to the realm... now that you're back."

Lucienne brushes past him to put some books away. You step to the side and gather some more from the floor.

"Lucienne, when we last spoke, I did not mean to imply that your efforts beyond the library are without value."

"Oh?"

"I really wish to relieve you of repsonbilities with which, had I been here, you would never have been burdened."

"I see."

Morpheus glances at you. You urge him to continue. He turns back to Lucienne.

"And... in that time, did you experience any... similar seismic disturbances?" He asks her.

"I did not."

She brushes past him again with more books.

"Have you any... theory as to their origin?"

"Speaking strictly as a librarian? I do. But you won't like it."

"Go on," he urges. You look at her and listen too.

"I know you're waiting to see if the vortex will lead you to The Corianthian and Fiddler's Green. The way she led you to Gault."

"She may yet still."

"Yes, but while you're waiting, she's putting cracks in the foundation." Lucienne states.

"Rose Walker has visited this realm before and done no damage. This is something else, something new." Morpheus replies.

"Perhaps. But if there is something new in The Dreaming and you did not create it, how did it get here?" Lucienne asks.

You look at Morpheus with worry.

"This is the vortex. I assure you."

Morpheus goes quiet.

☆☆☆

"Come with me."

You look up at Morpheus as you both walk through the palace halls. He's looking right at you with his beautiful blue eyes.

"Are you sure?" You ask.

"Yes."

You smile. "You want me to come with you?"

"I always want you with me. I... may need you." He cracks a small smile.

"You do need help. I told you."

"I know I don't admit it, but you are right. Lucienne is right."

You smile at his admittance. You reach out and take his hand. He relaxes at the feeling of you touching him.

"Then we shall find Rose together."

He smiles softly.

☆☆☆

"So, what do you think?" Matthew caws, looking down at Rose and Lyta as they walk toward the house at the bottom of the hill.

"Tell Lucienne she was right about the source of the tremors. And that I'm taking care of it."

You look at Morpheus.

He takes your hand and guides you down the hill. Matthew leaves. There is a certain purpose to his step as Morpheus walks, his coat bellowing out behind him.

You arrive at the house before the girls get there. Morpheus talks to Hector as you wait the other two. Rose and Lyta arrive.

Morpheus looks at them. You stand right beside him.

"Lyta, you remember I told you about Lord Morpheus, the King of Dreams?" Rose says, pointing out who he is.

"What do you want?" Lyta asks.

"He wants us to leave," Hector says.

"Why?" Rose asks.

"Because a ghost cannot escape his fate by hiding in The Dreaming," Morpheus explains. "Nor can a living human being escape her grief here. Do you not see the damage your presence has done to this realm? I cannot allow you to stay."

"Is there anything we can do?" Hector asks.

"You belong with the dead. You must go to the place appointed for you."

You lower your gaze. That is not an easy thing to hear from anyone.

"I'm sorry, but you must say your goodbyes now," Morpheus tells them.

Hector nods sadly.

"No. I'm not losing you again," Lyta says.

Hector stands up and walks over to her. "I love you so much," he tells her.

"You're not going anywhere. Get out of our house," Lyta says to you both.

"Lyta-" Rose tries to speak.

"Enough." Morpheus raises his hand. Hector starts to disintegrate down to nothing. Lyta calls his name while Rose pleads with Dream to stop. You turn and hide your face in Morpheus' shoulder.

Lyta cries. She cradles her bump.

"Your husband died a long time ago. He was a ghost, and this is a dream," Morpheus explains. "The baby is yours... for now."

You look at Morpheus with confusion. "For now...?" You whisper.

"The child was conceived in The Dreaming. It is mine."

"What?" Rose asks, mortified.

"And one day, I will come for it."

"No, you won't. You'll do nothing-" Rose starts to argue.

"This dream is over."

He swipes his hand through the air. You're back in the throne room. You stare at the steps as you try to understand what just happened.

"You killed my friend."

Both you and Morpheus turn to see Rose standing behind you. She hadn't woken up.

"How did you get here?" He asks.

"In front of his wife, and then you threaten to take her baby?"

"Do you know why this happened?" He asks her. "A vortex gathering strength can weaken the walls between dreams."

"I didn't ask for any of this," Rose tells him.

"Even so!"

"No! I don't want you coming near me or my friends ever again."

"Rose, listen to me."

"I do listen to you."

You can only stand there and watch them both. Things are getting agitated, and you didn't like it. Morpheus can sense your unease, but he must focus on the girl first.

"You said that a vortex can create universes or destroy them. So I suggest you leave my universe the fuck alone."

"Rose-" he warns her.

"This dream is over." She says. She vanishes.

You stare at the spot she had been standing in a moment ago. You didn't know what to think or say.

Morpheus turns and looks at you.

You choose to say nothing.

☆☆☆

You both return to the library. Morpheus calls for Lucienne. She comes out from between some shelves.

"My lord. There's something I must tell you."

"And I will listen." He tells her. "But first, you must let me tell you that you were right." He speaks softly. "The vortex was responsible for the damage to our realm, and I was... wrong to risk our sagtt in the hope that she would locate the missing Arcana."

That's the first time you have ever heard him admit he was wrong.

"You were not entirely wrong, sir." Lucienne says. "She's found them both."

"What?" He asks. "The Corianthian and Fiddler's Green? Where? How do you know?"

"Fiddler's Green told me."

Lucienne turns, and you look up to see a well-dressed man step out from the bookshelves. You sigh softly as he comes over. He bows his head to you both.

"Apologies, lord, for having left."

"Why? Why did you leave?" Morpheus asks. "I tusted you. You were the heart of The Dreaming."

"No, sir. You were the heart of The Dreaming. And you were gone." Fiddler's Green says. "I was curious. And it turns out that life as a human contains substance I never imagined when I was here. Which is why I returned because... he's murdering them."

"The Corianthian?"

"He appears to have built up a cult of worshippers who kill for pleasure, endangering the waking world and the life of a friend called Rose Walker."

"The Corianthian has found Rose Walker?" You ask. A chill runs down your spine. Morpheus looks at you.

Another dream come true.

"Yes."

"Can you imagine the damage he could do with someone like Rose?" Lucienne says.

"You must tell me where they are." Morpheus demands softly.

☆☆☆

"So, he too spent the last century in the waking world?" 'Gilbert' asks. You look at Fiddler's Green in his human form.

"Yes, but he seems to have experienced the worst of humankind." Lucienne points out.

You look down quietly.

"Still, his time appears to have changed him as it has changed me."

"How so?"

"Lucienne, he came to and told you he was wrong." Fiddler's Green smiles. "It was very nearly an apology. The Morpheus I knew was incapable of that."

You chuckle softly.

"Then perhaps he will be merciful to you since you come back on your own."

You look up. "I won't let him do anything to you."

Fiddler's Green looks at you. "My lady, your heart is as kind and beautiful as I remember."

You smile softly at him.

"It doesn't matter what happens to me. What matters is that Dream stops The Corianthian and saves Rose Walker."

You shake your head. "You matter too. I'm going to go find Morpheus. I shall insist he takes me with him."

"Are you sure that is a good idea?" Lucienne asks.

"He is my husband. I shall not let him do this alone."

Lucienne smiles. You're a good wife to Morpheus.

"But... there is no saving Rose Walker." She states. You and Fiddler's Green look up at her.

"What do you mean?" You ask.

"She's a vortex."

"Yes... I know that."

"He's... he's going to have to kill her." Fiddler's Green speaks with slight panic.

You look at them both. "What?"

"Did he not tell you?" Lucienne asks.

"No!"

They both fall quiet. Lucienne can't help feeling like she's made things worse. Morpheus hadn't told you that for a reason, she assumed.

☆☆☆

You storm into the throne room. Morpheus hadn't left yet. You march down the hall and over to him.

"Morpheus!"

He turns and looks at you.

"My love."

You glare at him hard. "Don't you dare."

"Excuse me?" He frowns.

"You're going to kill her..."

A look of realisation comes over him. He lifts his head a little higher as he looks at you. He knows he can not hide his intentions any longer.

"It must be done."

"There has to be another way!"

"There is not."

You fight back your emotions. Getting upset won't get you anywhere with him. You try to remain calm.

"How can you possibly be so cruel?"

"The Corianthian is using Rose to do harm. She doesn't even realise what she's doing most of the time. I must put a stop to the vortex."

"By killing her...?"

"I have no choice," he states, looking at you with desperation. He can see your pain. He wants to comfort you, but doing so will not change the situation.

"Take me with you."

"No."

"Morpheus, please."

He sighs softly and closes the distance between you both. He takes your hand in his and throws his sand up with the other. You fo not look away from him as you travel to where Rode and The Corianthian is.

☆☆☆

The Corianthian appears to be giving a speech. A room full of murderers is listening to him. He is using Rose to power their dreams into one.

You stand with Morpheus in the aisle, looking up at the rouge nightmare.

"You disppoint me, Corianthian. You and these humans you've inspired and created... disappoint me." Morpheus walks towards him. You remain standing in the aisle.

"I've done my best to be what you made me," The Corianthian says.

"No, you've done your worst, which was in so many ways what I had hoped." Morpheus joins him up on the stage. "You were my masterpiece. A dark mirror made to reflect everything humanity will not confront."

"That's what I am. That's what I've done."

"No. Look at you, walking this Earth for over a century, infecting others with your joy of death, but what have you given them? What have you wrought? Nothing. Just something else for people to be afraid of. That is all"

"So what now?" The Corianthian asks. "You send me back into their dreams?" He pulls out a knife. "'Cause I won't go willingly."

"A knife against a dream?"

"You don't think dreams can die? Let's find out."

You gasp and move to join Morpheus, but your husband raises a hand to tell you to stay where you are.

"Enough." Morpheus raises his hand to The Corianthian, who stabs the knife through Dream's hand.

"No!" You yell out. Your Morpheus is hurt. His hand bleeds.

"I've got Rose Walker getting stronger every second while you get weaker." The Corianthian says. "She's taking your place at the centre of the Dreaming. She's bringing the walls down between the sleepers' minds, and now they're all dremaing the same dream. A dream that I inspired."

"No." Morpheus looks at him.

"It's already happening. There's nothing you can do. She's asleep and dreaming."

"Then she is not beyond my reach."

"Oh, I think she is. Now that she knows you're planning to kill her."

You shake your head and hurry over to Morpheus, placing your hands on his shoulders. Morpheus uses that boost you're giving him to appear in the dream. He is telling Rose to wake up.

"Don't listen to him, Rosebud." The Corianthian says, appearing on the dream. "You're the one with power now, not him. This is your dream."

"It's his dream, for your world." Morpheus says, walking into the room with them. You're giving him your strength in the waking world to appear in Rose's dream.

"Then let's make it yours. Whatever you want, Rose. A blank canvas."

The Corianthian removes the extra people from the room, including Jed. Rose asks where he is, and The Corianthian reminds her he is fine and that he is sleeping right next to her in the waking world.

"This dream is yours now. The Dreaming is yours now."

"The Dreaming is yours. Is that what he told you?" Morpheus asks, approaching her.

"He told me you were gonna kill me," Rose says.

"Did he tell you why? When a vortex brings down the walls between dreams, she creates a single volatile dream that will collapse in upon itself, and take the waking world with it. Your world. Everything and everyone will die."

"Don't believe him, Rosie." The Corianthian whispers to her.

"It's happened before. I failed my duty, an entire universe was lost."

"He can't kill you if you kill him first," The Corianthian tells her.

"Killing me may save your life, but it won't save the lives of those you love," Morpheus states.

"I'm trying to keep you alive here." The Corianthian urges.

"I'm trying to keep your world alive." Morpheus argues.

"You have to choose one of us, Rose."

"Enough!" Rose exclaims. "If in as powerful as you say I am, then I will find my own way. In the meantime, the walls go back up. Because I'm not dreaming anymore."

Rose gets rid of the dream around them. "Thanks to you two, I'm wide awake.'

Rose wakes in the waking world.

☆☆☆

You gasp as you let go of Morpheus. His hand heals up quickly. You take it in your hands and examine it. He looks at you softly before turning back to The Corianthian.

"If you think I'm going back to the Dreaming with you-"

"You're not going back," Morpheus says firmly. "I brought you into this world to serve humanity. Not to feed upon it."

"Do you know why I do it?" The Corianthian asks. "So I can taste what it's like to be human. And you don't care about humanity. You only care about yourself and your realm and your rules."

"I contain the entire collective unconscious. Without my rules, it would consume me." Morpheus explains. You hold his hand gently. "Humanity would be consumed."

"Or you might actually feel something." The Corianthian adds. "I am not the problem, Dream."

"You're right. This was my fault, not yours."

You look at Morpheus with slight confusion.

"I had so much hope for you," Morpheus whispers, looking at The Corianthian. "But I created you poorly then."

The Corianthian gets upset.

"So I must uncreate you now."

Morpheus raises his hand to the nightmare, and you watch as he undoes his work.

"I am only sorry I won't be here to see Rose Walker do the same to you," The Corianthian says before he completely disappears. He turns to a pile of ash as a small skull lands on top. Morpheus picks it up.

"Next time I make you, you will not be so flawed and petty, little Dream." Morpheus tucks the skull away.

"And you..." Morpheus looks at the waking humans in the room. Who call yourselves collectors, until now, you have sustained fantasies in which you are the victims, comforting daydreams in which you are always right. But no more. The dream is over. I have taken it away. For this is my judgement upon you, that you shall know from this moment on exactly how craven and selfish and monstrous you are. That you shall feel the pain of those you have slaughtered. And the grief of those that mourn them still, and you shall carry that pain and grief and guilt with you until the end of time."

All those humans leave that hotel with a whole new mindset.

Morpheus walks out with you. Matthew meets you both an the entrance.

Rose and Jed have driven away.

"You want me to follow her?" Matthew asks.

"No. When she is awake, she is not a threat. Tonight, when she sleeps, I will find her." Morpheus says. "And we will end this.'

☆☆☆

Rose Walker had brought all her friends into one dream. A whirlpool had opened up and one by one each of her friends fell into it. Even Jed.

The green fields turned to a cold and empty wasteland. Morpheus stood with you in front of Rose.

"You've caused a great deal of damage. Nothing that I cannot repair, at least at this stage." Morpheus tells Rose.

"What happened to Jed? To my friends?"

"They're asleep in their bed, but they're not safe. No one is. Not until the vortex is dead."

You feel your heart aching. You cannot let him kill her. Rose didn't ask for any of this.

"Death is not always such a bad thing." Morpheus says. "You could stay if you like. My raven was once a mortal."

"Wait! Sir!" Gilbert comes running.

"Gilbert? What are you doing here?" Rose asks.

"This is Fiddler's Green," Morpheus clarifies.

"You? You're a Dream?"

"I am. I, I left my post here to experience life as a human being," Gilbert explains. "A life which I humbly offer in exchange for yours."

"I'm afraid that's not possible." Morpheus tells him. "For the Dreaming and the waking world to live, the vortex must die."

"Then what's the point of a vortex?" Rose asks. "Why do we even exist?"

"Honestly..."

"I have a theory." Gilbert says, interrupting Morpheus. "When a human is at the centre of the Dreaming, is it not to remind us that we exist because humans dream, not the other way around? The miracle of humanity itself should always be more vivid to us than any marvels of power."

"I cannot find it in my heart to punish you for leaving Fiddler's Green," Morpheus says. "But it is time you took up your appointed position once more."

"It would be my honour, sir." Gilbert says proudly. "It was never my intention to abandon my role."

"What was your role? Who were you?" Rose asks.

You smile and answer. "Fiddler's Green is not a who, it is a where. He is not a person. He was a place."

"And after your death, if you stay in the Dreaming, visit me." Gilbert requests. "Walk in my meadows and my green glades. Rest beneath my trees."

Morpheus smiles slightly.

"Farewell, Rose Walker. It was a privilege being human with you."

Gilbert opens his arms, and you all watch as he turns into greenery and life. Your surroundings turn green, trees come into existence, butterflies fly overhead. Fiddler's Green has returned to his post.

"I do not wish to take your life," Morpheus says to Rose. "But we all have repsonbilities and this is one of mine."

You can't take it any more. You step out and stop between him and Rose.

"No. I can't let you."

Morpheus looks at you with concern. "It has to be done."

You start to tear up. "It's not fair. She has a whole life ahead of her..."

"My love..."

Rose takes your hand in hers and looks at you. Thunder rumbles and the clouds turn dark.

"I am sorry," Morpheus says sincerely.

"It's fine," Rose assures you. "Just do it," she looks at Morpheus. "Whatever it takes to save my brother and my friends."

You shake your head. Morpheus looks at you with a pleasing gaze. He wants you to return to his side.

Rose looks at you. "I'm ready."

You let a tear fall and watch Rose let go of your hand. You can't look. You turn away. Morpheus raises his hand up toward Rose. He can hear your soft cries.

"My lord, stop." Lucienne comes rushing over with another woman. You look up through teary eyes.

Morpheus stops.

"Unity?" Rose looks at the other woman.

"This is Unity Kinkaid." Lucienne introduces her.

"I am Rose's great-grandmother. And according to this book, I was meant to be the vortex of this age." The woman holds up a book. "But because you were imprisoned and locked out of the Dreaming, that fate was handed down to my descendants."

"I don't understand," Morpheus says.

"You're not very bright, are you?" Unity scoffs. "Come here, Rose."

Rose walks over to unity.

"I want you to reach down inside yourself and give me whatever it is that makes you the vortex."

"But how?"

"You're dreaming, darling. Anything is possible."

You watch as Rose reaches down inside of herself and starts to pull out something. You've never seen anything like this before. Rose manages to grab what she's looking for and holds it out to Unity.

A glass heart, a storm whirling inside.

You've seen a heart like that before.

Morpheus looks at you, and you look at him.

"Thank you, Rose, love." Unity holds the heart and turns to Morpheus. "I the vortex now, Dream King, as I should have been long ago. So, leave my great-granddaughter alone."

The heart begins to shatter. A bright light and Unity becomes weak. She has passed on in the waking world.

Morpheus holds onto her in the Dreaming.

"Unity?" Rose looks at her concerned.

"What happened?" Unity asks.

"You died. So that Rose might live." Morpheus tells her. Tears continue to fall from your eyes.

"I'm so sorry." Rose hugs Unity.

"No, don't be. I'm not." Unity tells her. "I was meant to have died a long time ago, Rose. But if I had, I would never have met my golden-eyed man, and we wouldn't have had our beautiful baby girl, and you would not have been born."

Golden eyes? You looked at Morpheus again. You know of someone with golden eyes. Morpheus, of course, knows them better.

"Wait, the father of your child had golden eyes?" Morpheus asks.

"I've never seen anything like them," Unity says.

"I have."

"Goodbye, Rose, darling." Unity says to Rose. They hug again. "Mr. Holdaway will see to it that you and Jed have everything you need."

"You and your brother are children of the Endless," Morpheus says to Rose. "You have suffered enough. You may leave this place."

"Goodbye, Rose," you say to her.

She wakes up, Jed right beside her.

☆☆☆

Morpheus goes to pay Desire a visit.

You remain at the palace. You close Rose Walker's book and sigh softly. Matthew perches himself near your throne.

"Well?"

"She will be just fine. As will Jed. They are kin to Morpheus, so shall I make sure to check in with them from time to time."

Matthew caws. "Don't you have any children?"

"No." You say softly.

Matthew tilts his head slightly.

"Morpheus did have a son, once. That's a story for another time."

Matthew says nothing else on the matter.

Lucienne enters the throne room and you both look up.

"Lord Morpheus has requested your presence." She informs you.

You smile.

"Then I shall not keep him waiting."

Matthew takes flight, and Lucienne joins you at your side as you walk.

"Is all well?" She asks.

You smile.

"Everyone is going to be juat fine."

Lucienne shares your smile.

☆☆☆

@missdreamofendless - @mischievousvillainy - @kpopgirlbtssvt - @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy - @emarich7 - @lollipopsandlandmines - @mouth-whore -

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

Mame Novels Available in English (Official Translations)

Amazon Kindle

Love Storm (Part 1 of Love in the Air)

When ‘Rain’ starts to sincerely appreciate a senior for his kindness, fate lets him see the other side of that senior that no one else has ever seen. Finally, Rain declares war. “You’ve been nice to everyone but me! I’ll reveal your true colors to everyone!” However, as strange as it seems, the more he resists, the more he impresses his foe. The farther he runs away, the faster the foe chases after him. Rain desperately tries to figure out the way to win over this mischievous senior. Or, perhaps, he has been defeated since the first day they met?

Love Sky (Part 2 of Love in the Air)

The intensified situation got ‘Sky’ cornered and forced him to get laid in order to get out. Sky tries to make up his mind, thinking of it as just a one night stand and no string attached. However, what he doesn’t know is that ‘Phraphai’ won’t give up so easily. Sky almost opens up his heart for this clingy, flirty, shameless, narcissistic, and deceitful man, but the scar from the past still haunts him. Moreover, that raunchy egotist never leaves him alone! Sky keeps wondering when the sun will shine for him.

TharnType*

It's listed as a Mame novel, but the translation seems more like someone trying to pass off a machine translated PDF, so I have reservations about the legitimacy of it.

Type is a dark, tall and handsome freshman. Although he's a warm boy, he is homophobic because he was molested by a man as a child. His life turns upside down when the new year of college brings along a very interesting person in his life — a gay roommate, Tharn. Tharn is a very handsome music major with fair skin and mixed features. He is also openly gay. With a gay guy and a guy who hates gay men that have to share a small space together for the rest of the year — what can possibly be the outcome of their story? Hatred? Or maybe love?

Meb Website and App

** They have all novels listed above, PLUS

Boy Next World

Would you believe it if someone knocked on your door and said they were your lover from a parallel world? Phukan had never experienced romantic relationships or love before. But one day, an attractive senior from his university showed up and said they were dating in a parallel world. The guy was Cirrus, the aloof but handsome senior known since high school as "The Ice Prince". Although they never spoke before, the senior said, "You're my whole world, Phu." What should Phukan do between trying to send Cirrus back to his world or keeping him here? Because no matter which world they're in... Every Phukan will eventually fall in love with Cirrus.

Love Sand

Khom, a 19 year-old boy who lives on the island of Pangan, has to fill in as a guide for his friend Mahasamut, as the guy got his leg broken. That's when Khom meets Connor, a handsome tourist with blonde hair and green eyes that intimidate Khom the moment he sees them. Throughout these days as a guide, Khom tries his best not to fall for Connor. However, it isn't so easy, because this Canadian is wickedly charming and tempts him constantly. When it's too hard to resist, Khom finally gives in to his desire and tastes the man's touch. But Khom never thought his decision would lead to risking his bruised heart on a relationship that doesn't end after only three days and two nights. And Connor never thought this boy would make the heart of a player tremble and change forever.

Love Sea

Tongrak is a hot writer who is seeking ideas to finish his novel, set amidst the beautiful sea. Mahasamut is a dark, handsome man tasked by his friends Connor and Khom with taking care of Tongrak while he is on the island. But why is this man both infuriating and captivating? His charm is so potent that the writer is drawn to explore this new kind of partner. Deciding he likes the taste of Mahasamut, Tongrak brings the "Island's Treasure" back to Bangkok with him under a contract stating their relationship is physical only. However, the writer's heart starts to crave more. Tongrak isn't sure if this is the dreaded "love" that destroyed his family's relationships, or just physical attraction.

How to Secretly Lure My Boy's Heart

When Kengkla announces that hte wait is finally over, it's time to "lure" Techno, his best friend's brother, to be his boyfriend.

[kimakento]

surprising jo1 with a birthday cake

pairing(s): bf!ot11 x fem!reader ⌙ 1.0k

genre: fluff

tags: established relationship, tooth-rotting fluff

warnings: none!

a/n: this was such a lovely req to write omg tysm for the anon that requested it. i really hope it’s everything you wanted and that you enjoy this <3

syoya

this man would be elated, ecstatic, practically every word synonymous to ‘happy’ in the dictionary. syoya loves food so his girlfriend surprising him with a birthday cake definitely made his day.

there were smiles all around him while syoya thanked you profusely for taking the time to prepare the surprise for him.

so your boyfriend made sure to enjoy it to the fullest, taking big bites continually. the best part was when his cheeks would puff up, cake filling his mouth as he grinned sheepishly at you.

mame

it wasn’t necessarily a shock to him that you were making a birthday cake for him secretly because you asked all his members to get in on it. and they’re not the most subtle people. (the episode where they surprised him for his twentieth birthday)

but mame still forced a gasp when you did. he thought the prideful look on your face as well as the grin that adorned it was totally adorable.

he also very much indulges you, and plays along enthusiastically.

sukai

when you did surprise him, his facial expression did stay neutral so it brought your mood down for a while.

but that shifted when he embraced you, tightly wrapping you up in his arms while whispering so many words of praise to you sweetly.

the thought definitely moved him, because you cared that much to prepare and bake a whole cake for him. sukai’s so down bad, his soft expression when you wave over to him to join as you cut the cake would be made fun of by his members if they were ever there.

sho

just like sukai, he was extremely elated that he bombarded you with hugs and kisses. being leader meant that he barely had any time allocated to just relax and take care of himself but since you two started dating you took it upon yourself to do it all.

so it really made his day when you did surprise him. it always felt like the stress and problems disintegrated away when he was with you.

he loved how cute it was that you were determined in making him have the best birthday ever.

junki

probably the most visibly excited out of all the members. he’s quite hyper so when you finally took your hands off his eyes and he noticed the cake, junki turned to lift you up to spin you around in joy.

definitely gave you his phone so you could take thousands of photos of him per his request.

junki even began to sort of keeping you hostage; but it was his special day so you kept quiet. “let’s take another.” “no way! i’ve already taken, like, thirty..” “please!” “fine.”

keigo

definitely started peppering you with kisses on the cheek the second he saw it. it was cute that you had went all out for his birthday like this.

even when you whined back at faux disgust, he only retaliated by stealing a few more pecks.

this man really had you on his lap as he cut the cake, pleading for you to place your hand on his almost like you were getting married; “hopefully some time soon” he joked. and only fits of laughter filled the air as you caved in.

ruki

he’s the most calm, and collected about it out of his members, being an introvert and all.

when ruki’s eyes finally fell on the cake, the biggest smile erupted on his face. you don’t think you’ve ever heard him say ‘thank you’ so much in your life.

it also resulted in him clinging to you all day. ruki isn’t big on physical touch so it really surprised you. but like sukai, he heavily appreciated the thought that went into surprising him.

shion

alike with mame, shion too knew about your surprise for him. of course he would never tell you that. so when you finally jumped out at him behind the door while holding his cake, he tried his hardest to stifle the urge to laugh.

shion wanted to make you feel accomplished, but he would never tell you that.

he became very playful after you guys had cut the cake, even going far as using his finger to smudge icing on your nose; the pout on your expression after was too adorable to make him not coo.

shosei

another shy baby, smiling to the point where it was from ear to ear. shosei was also sort of giddy, impatient to wrap his arms around you and feel your warmth.

he understands the amount of care you’ve put into the cake, so he enjoys it happily, even feeding you some, and making you feed him.

also thanks you the whole time and starts to cling to you, littering kisses all over your face just because he can.

shosei doesn’t put as much emphasis on his birthday as much as you would’ve liked so you the prepared other surprised alongside the cake.

takumi

the cutest ever. tk is more vocal about his gratitude and hurries over to cut the cake, helping to give yourself and him a plate.

talks your ear off about what he did with his members on his special day while eagerly finishing his slice.

takumi thinks he’s boring you but you love how happy he looks when he rambles.

at the end of everything when you call to him, saying “kumi..” so softly, he feels like he could almost melt. and joins you to dance as you put on some music.

ren

also sort of calm about it all, but really excited in the inside. very impatient to actually taste the cake and thinks you did a great job.

but when you tell him that you’d do it only because you loved him, he swears he’s never had his heart flutter so much.

ren can’t even begin to explain how much he appreciates it all so resorts in becoming attached to you the whole time. the group has a really intense schedule most the time.

and it was nice to finally relax with you so he’s grateful. the day ended with you two all snug, cuddling and watching his favourite movie.

likes and reblogs are appreciated!!!

[brunette-barbie4562]

Uncharted (Duff McKagan X OC)

Summary: Unsure of her next steps in life, Carreen Joy "CJ" Thompson finds herself taking a job working under the Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan during the Not in the Lifetime... Tour. She faces the fast-paced and foreign world of rock n' roll, touring, and groupies, as well as blossoming taboo feelings for her boss.

-

Trigger warnings: Mentions of alcoholism and sexual themes.

-

9

May 2017

Estadio San Mames / Bilbao, Spain

The day of the concert, CJ had mimicked her routine that she had during the day of the Ireland show. Duff had decided to hit the gym while she stayed behind in the room, making sure all of his things were packed. She coordinated with staff to load his trunks to head to the stadium and then went to change to head over herself. She had seen little of Duff, other than to bring him his coffee earlier that morning. She figured she’d catch up with him later that day. Unlike the venue in Ireland, the stadium was a five-minute drive from the hotel, and it was a quick and easy ride for CJ.

All of Duff’s things were in his room backstage when she arrived, ready to be sorted through. Instead of beginning to unpack everything, CJ was caught up looking at herself in her new outfit in the mirror. She had so many new choices that it had taken her some time to decide. She had settled on something comfy but cute; a pair of form fitting dark red suede long pants that flared at the bottom of each leg. On top, she wore a matching halter crop top that had a deep plunging neckline. She had even bought a matching pair of suede ballet flats decorated with gold studs. She had accessorized it with a simple gold necklace and gold hoop earrings. After fighting with her thick curls, she had styled her long hair up into a high ponytail. Surprisingly, she had enjoyed the process of dressing up more than she had anticipated. She could definitely get used to it. Looking good felt good.

CJ noticed the clock on the wall behind her in the mirror and saw that it was getting close to the time that Duff would arrive, and she needed to get moving. She turned away from her reflection and began to unpack.

-

Duff got into one of the SUVs to head over to the stadium. It had been a good morning. CJ had brought him coffee, he ordered breakfast through room service, and then he had hit the gym before showering, spending some time talking to Grace and Mae, and getting dressed to head to the stadium.

To his surprise, the door on the other side of the car opened and in slid Vanessa, a black bag slung over her shoulder. His posture immediately stiffened. He had largely been able to avoid her so far on this leg of the tour. She smiled at him, hoisting her bag into her lap and shutting the car door.

“I forgot a few things and had to come back for them,” she said, referring to the bag full of photography equipment. “Thought I’d catch a ride.” Duff just nodded, unsure how to respond to her. The car left the parking lot, heading towards the stadium.

“Where’s your little assistant?” she asked.

“Waiting for me at the stadium,” he said. Vanessa pushed the bag down to her feet

“You could send her on a little errand when we get there,” she said, scooting a little closer to him. Duff had to confront it sooner rather than later. Although he thought he already had back in March. Despite it being clear from the beginning that their involvement was only sexual and nothing more, Vanessa had wanted more from him and gotten clingy. He had ended any involvement with her just before the last leg of the tour ended. The entirety of their intimacy had been during the tour through Asia, from January 2017 to March 2017.

“It’s not happening Vanessa,” he said, “We talked about this in March.” Her face fell into a scowl.

Duff had lightly dated a few women on and off since his divorce, but it was hard with his schedule to keep a consistent relationship going. He wasn’t entirely proud of the fact that there were times he had found a groupie or two to sleep with to scratch an itch.

Duff had carefully curated his image for years. Even during his younger years prior to sobriety, he had been lucid enough to have some forethought about his actions and how they might be perceived. While Slash, Axl, Steven, Matt, and Izzy had vocally torn up the town, he had tried to keep his less than desirable activities quiet, despite being intoxicated the majority of the time. There were a few times he had screwed up that he preferred not to think about. But most of these shenanigans had also taken place prior to the internet, which had helped immensely. He still occasionally became nervous at the thought of some of the details about what had gone on in the early 90’s at the wild and massive (usually naked) parties at his old Los Angeles house coming out. By the time he had truly and completely stopped caring about anything, including his image or his future, he had not had the energy or desire to act out anymore due to his failing mental and physical health. He was also in his second marriage with a fellow addict, meaning he didn’t have to leave his house to go find drugs and get high.

Duff had always had a deep desire to be a family man and settle down. It was a dream he’d been chasing his whole life. He had achieved it to a point, at least for 16 years. Since his divorce, there was the slight but constant underlying feeling of being unsettled. He attributed this feeling to seeing his own parents’ marriage fall apart literally in front of his eyes as a child and his subconscious desire to “fix” it. He knew it was maladaptive and probably related to the trauma of walking in on his own father cheating on his mother. But that feeling had remained in the back of his mind.

The SUV pulled up to the entrance door of the backstage area of the stadium and he felt relief wash over him. Before he could get out, Vanessa made one last remark.

“You’re crazy to think there’s even a shred of a possibility that that little girl would be interested in you. If that’s what’s stopping you from doing this,” she gestured between the two of them, “then you’re wasting your time.” He glared back at her in anger.

“Don’t talk about CJ,” he said. Before she could respond, he got out and shut the door behind him.

A security guard led him into the backstage building and then brought him to his room. Aggravated by his conversation with Vanessa, he opened the door with some force, only to walk in to find CJ, bent over a black stage bag, moving things around inside. She stood up to face him, smiling.

“Hey,” she said, “What’s up? You look pissed.” The anger left his body, and he released his tight grip on the doorknob when he saw her standing there, looking at him. She wore what he assumed was a new dark red two-piece outfit that she had picked up the other day with Meegan. However, anything else about the outfit went unnoticed. He instantly zeroed in on her chest. The top she was wearing made her already massive tits look insane. He corrected himself immediately and looked back at her face, feeling flustered. He was not that guy. He was not a pervert. But he had always been a “boobs guy.” It almost felt like some big joke, cooked up by Axl or Slash to get a rise out of him. Put Mindy’s smoking hot niece dangling in front of him and see how long he could go without cracking. CJ did not appear to notice and was still looking at him questioningly, that soft smile on her face. She took a step towards him, and he resisted the urge to take a step back and press himself up against the door.

“Are you feeling ok?”she asked with concern. So fucking sweet and innocent.

“Ya,” he said, clearing his throat. “I just need a bit of down time before we do soundcheck.”

“If you need anything, I’ll be on stage setting up.” She picked up the stage bag before moving past him to the door. Once she had left, he let out a breath of air that he realized he had been holding since he walked into the room and saw her.

Duff sat down on the couch, trying to settle himself down. Before he had the chance, a knock on the door made him groan in frustration. The door opened and he turned to see who would come in uninvited. His defenses were lowered when Mark Lanegan walked in, and a smile broke out on his face.

“Hey Mark!” He stood up to give his friend a quick hug. He hadn’t seen him in some time. Another fellow-Washingtonite and musician, Duff had known Mark since the 1990’s. They had collaborated on work together and shared a stage in the past. Mark had also struggled with addiction. Duff had managed to get sober before him and when Mark left rehab in the late 90’s, Duff had enlisted him to watch his house to give him something to do and stay clean. Mark and his band would be opening for Guns N’ Roses that day and for a few future shows, and it had slipped Duff’s mind in the last hour.

“Hey man,” said Mark, “It’s so good to see you!” They stepped back out of their hug. “We just got here, I had to come find you. How’ve you been? How’s the new leg of the tour going?”

“It’s been interesting,” said Duff, sitting back down on the couch heavily. Mark joined him on the other side.

“Interesting?” asked Mark. They were interrupted when the door opened unexpectedly again. CJ re-appeared.

“Hey, sorry I forgot my phone.” She paused, seeing Mark sitting there. “Oh, sorry if I interrupted, I can come back.” She turned to leave.

“No, you’re good,” said Duff. “Mark this is my new assistant, CJ. CJ, this is my good friend Mark. He will be doing the opening act today.” Mark stood up and CJ moved forward to shake his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said with a smile.

“Likewise,” said Mark, sitting back down. “How are you enjoying your time with all of the elderly?” CJ laughed at him.

“It’s been amazing so far,” she said. “I am very grateful to be here.”

“Duff and I were just catching up before I go get ready to play,” said Mark. “We’ve known each other a very long time. But he didn’t tell me he had a lovely new assistant.” CJ smiled and her face slightly reddened.

“Thank you,” said CJ. There was a moment of awkward silence and Duff wanted to tell CJ to stay, knowing Mark would harass him once they were alone again.

“Well, I’m gonna get back to it,” said CJ, breaking the silence. “I’ll see you both in a bit.” She grabbed her phone off the side table and left the room. As he expected, once CJ shut the door Mark instantly turned to him with a smirk.

“You’re an old tom cat,” he said.

“I know how it looks-” began Duff.

“Oh, it’s definitely how it looks,” said Mark, with a laugh.

“It’s not that way, I swear. I asked Axl to find me an assistant and he hired her on. She’s his old friend’s niece. It was not my choice to have a 20-something year old girl as my assistant Mark.” He didn’t respond but instead gave Duff a look, the smirk still plastered all over his face.

“You don’t think I know how this looks?” said Duff, gesturing towards himself in frustration and leaning over. “I’m just waiting to see something online about it. I didn’t know she was a woman until the day she arrived in Ireland, I assumed it was a man. I couldn’t turn her away.”

“Ok, ok I believe you,” said Mark, still amused.

“She does a good job and she’s so eager and happy to be here. I can’t be an asshole and send her back to California.” Duff did not want to admit he also greatly enjoyed CJ’s company beyond the parameters of her employment. Mark had pulled out his phone and appeared to be scrolling.

“What are you doing?” asked Duff, slightly annoyed.

“Hold on a sec,” said Mark, still scrolling. After a moment he looked back up at Duff.

“I don’t see anything online about it, at least on social media,” he said.

“I’ve been avoiding social media,” said Duff, “I’m waiting for one of my girls to send me some gross tweet or tabloid article about it.”

“Well, you are one of the few rockstars who isn’t married to a woman 20 to 30 years younger than him.” Duff detested being called a rockstar, but coming from Mark, he’d let it go.

“I don’t want to be that guy,” said Duff.

“Hey, no judgement from me man, either way,” said Mark. “If its consensual there’s nothing wrong with it. She’s an adult, she’s not underage.”  

“It’s not and won’t be like that,” said Duff, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees while holding his face in his hands, looking towards to the wall.

“Relax,” said Mark, “The people who matter know the truth. You also don’t have those scary, rabid-type fans like Axl does to worry about. You know, nobody that’ll try to bust her kneecap or anything.”

“I have a few,” said Duff, raising his eyebrows at the thought of Vanessa and a couple of the women he’d come into contact with over the past several years.

“Relax, man, it’ll be fine,” said Mark reassuringly. Duff didn’t feel reassured, the thoughts in his head still swirling.

-

CJ sat in her designated side position on the stage. Duff and the others were ready to go on in about 20 minutes and she had decided to spend her free time watching the end of Mark’s opening act. Unlike Slane Castle, the San Mamés Stadium was partially indoors, with the huge ceiling open to the air. The crowd had filled in, anticipating Guns N’ Roses’ arrival on the stage.

CJ felt the presence of someone behind her. She tiled her head to see Duff standing there, hidden from the crowd by a barrier. His face looked down at her, upside down from her position.

“He puts on a great show!” she said. Duff couldn’t hear her over the music and leaned down so he could hear her speak. “Great show!” she said, repeating herself for him.

“He’ll be with us for the next few shows,” said Duff. He stood back up straight and watched the show for a few more minutes before heading backstage.

Mark and his band wrapped up their show and exited the stage and the lights dimmed down. It wouldn’t be long now. She pulled out her phone to scroll mindlessly for a bit.

“Hey, are you looking for a gig buddy?” She looked up to see Meegan take a seat next to her, holding two glasses of wine.

“Always,” said CJ smiling. Meegan handed her one of the glasses of wine. “But aren’t you sitting on the other side?”

“Not tonight,” said Meegan, “I’m gonna come sit with you, Slash will survive one show without me over there.” CJ took a sip of the wine, noting that it was a white wine. “I remembered that you prefer white, I brought a bottle of it along.” said Meegan. “We don’t usually have alcohol around at shows, but I thought one bottle for you and me to share together as a little celebration to kick off the beginning of your first tour would be nice.”

“Is Duff ok with it? Do you think I should ask him?” said CJ nervously, not wanting to seem like she was drinking on the job.

“I already did,” said Meegan, “He’s said it was fine.”

“Thanks!” she said, feeling grateful for Meegan’s companionship.

CJ had had friends before. As a child, she had been a bit of a loner, feeling very alienated from the other children given her trauma. But going on to middle school, high school, and then college, she had learned to develop friends. She had had a solid group of friends in college. But after graduation, people had understandably moved away, become parents, gotten married, or become wrapped up in a new career. CJ had struggled to maintain adult friendships, especially being a natural introvert. It also didn’t help that she had attended California State in Sacramento, which was about 3 hours from Redding, making it difficult to physically see people that had lived close to the campus after she had moved back home. However, there was one friend she kept in frequent contact with. While most of her college friends had fallen off the radar, Jess Timmer had stayed. They spoke on the phone at least three times a month and texted weekly. CJ had gone to visit Jess in Portland, Oregon last year, where she lived.

Jess and CJ had met in their sophomore year of college and become fast friends, bonding over their love of The Office and hiking. They had a few classes together and made a group of mutual friends. During the day, on the weekends, they spent time outside in nature, away from the city. The nights were spent partying in dorm rooms or at local bars. CJ spent Freshman year shy and searching for a solid social connection. Sophomore year, she had finally found the social connection when she met Jess. Things took a turn downward in her junior year, when she met her most recent ex-boyfriend, which had led to a tumultuous relationship that had ended in her senior year. Through all of it, Jess had been a supportive friend. They could go weeks without speaking and still pick up right where they left off. CJ made a mental note to text Jess at some point later to catch up. Things had happened so quickly she hadn’t had time to reach out and let her know about her new employment.

“I love this outfit,” said Meegan, looking her up and down. “I remember you trying this on in the store.”

“Ya, it’s very comfy too,” said CJ, running her hands over the soft suede material of the pants. As ridiculous as it was, a weird part of her had wished Duff had said something to her about it, a small compliment or even acknowledgment.

The lights dimmed even further and the backdrop graphics lit up, similar to how they had back in Slane. The crowd began to cheer deafeningly as they waited for the band to appear. CJ’s heart pounded, feeling her adrenaline pump. She wondered if that feeling would go away with the more shows she worked.

Duff came out, strumming the opening of It’s So Easy. He quickly glanced at her and Meegan sitting side stage and then walked out to his mic on the right side of the stage. Meegan nudged her and handed her a setlist. CJ had glanced at it earlier, only to see when Duff would be changing his wardrobe, and she would be needed. Meegan pointed to a song title that was down the middle of the page. She leaned closely to CJ’s ear to speak over the music.

“Attitude, that’s the song Duff covers. He’s always covered it, even back in the 90’s.” CJ enjoyed Axl’s performance and vocals but was eager to hear more of Duff sing.

The band breezed through the first several songs before CJ got up to help Duff do a quick wardrobe change. Like before, she tried to stay focused when he tore his shirt off and she handed him the new one. It was one of the same shirts he had worn during the show in Slane. CJ looked back at the table and realized most of what she had set out for him to change into was the same clothing from the previous show.

“Do you only wear like the same five shirts?” she said playfully.

“Maybe,” he said with a smile, yanking the fresh shirt down over his head. He turned away and took his bass back from the tech. CJ looked at the setlist again and saw that Attitude would be next. She quickly took her seat again next to Meegan.

When she heard the first few moments of the song it sounded vaguely familiar. Perhaps, something Mindy may have played in the house when she was a kid. CJ pulled out her phone and recorded for about 30 seconds before sending the video to Jess, without typing an explanation. She wanted to see her reaction. Jess was a big music lover and CJ knew the video would excite her, especially since it was taken from stage level, behind the band. CJ slid her phone back in her pocket, watching the rest of Duff’s performance. It was a quick song, but CJ thoroughly enjoyed it, standing up to clap when Duff finished. He turned and met her gaze with a smile, before turning back to the cheering crowd.

-

The band had lingered for a bit, Duff taking more time to talk to Mark and the others spending time catching their breath before heading back to the hotel. With her need to be a responsible employee over, CJ had allowed Meegan to refill her glass along with her own. It had been awhile since she had had more than one drink of anything and she had always been a bit of a lightweight.

By the time it was time to go, CJ had finished the second glass, and she was a little tipsy.

She got into the SUV and noticed Duff laughing at her as he got in next to her.

“What’s so funny?” she said.

“You,” he said. “How many glasses did you have?”

“Two,” she said.

“Two?!”

“Yes two, why is that so funny?” she said.

“You, getting tipsy on two glasses of wine.”

“I am not tipsy,” she said.

“Yes, you are.”

“How do you know?” she said defensively.

“Because I know,” he said, “Trust me.”

“Well then, why don’t you join me.”

“Because I can’t drink, I was-, well I AM an alcoholic.” The seriousness of his statement suddenly sobered her up and she was horrified.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” she said, “I didn’t know.”

“You’re fine,” he said, “It doesn’t bother me when other people are drinking around me. I’ve been sober from alcohol for 23 years, almost as long as you’ve been alive.” His reassurances didn’t make her feel any less like a piece of shit. She should have known. Meegan’s statement about alcohol not being around at shows suddenly made sense.

“Hey, you’re fine, I promise,” he said, more sternly, seeing her disturbed expression. “You couldn’t have known. You didn’t trigger me or anything.”

“Ya, but-” Suddenly the car took a hard right, their driver letting out a slew of angry words in Spanish. He had turned the car sharply to the right to avoid hitting a careless driver coming into their lane. Having forgotten to buckle herself in, CJ let out a yelp of surprise as she was thrown to the other side of the car, landing face down across Duff’s lap. Now ten times more mortified than before, she quickly sat back up and scooted back to her seat.

“Sorry,” was all she could muster, trying to smooth out her disheveled outfit and hair, all sense of intoxication having left her body to be replaced with embarrassment.

“Seatbelt,” he said, reaching across her and grabbing it, pulling it down across her and clicking it into place. “Remember, your aunt will kill me.”

They were silent for the rest of the short car ride. When they got back to the hotel, they quickly made their way upstairs, trying to avoid any after-show crowds waiting for him. The painful silence continued in the elevator and CJ needed to say something, anything.

“The song you sang tonight,” she said, “sounded familiar.”

“Oh, ya,” he said. Her statement appeared to bring him out of deep thought. “It’s one of my favorites, originally by The Misfits.” CJ recognized the band name as one that Mindy enjoyed.

“I’ve heard it before,” said CJ, “I’m pretty sure Mindy played it more than once when I was a kid.”

“You know, despite our differences, your aunt and I always had similar taste in music,” said Duff. The pair stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hallway towards their rooms. He walked her to her door, and she paused, wanting to say more to him, not wanting the night to end so awkwardly. But she couldn’t think of anything. Instead, she could only turn to him and say,

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

-

After dropping CJ off at her room, Duff had made his way down to the ground floor. He usually had room service bring him food after a show, not wanting to leave his room. But he needed to go on a walk to clear his head and try to get some energy out. He was always exhausted after shows. He’d eat, ice his legs, shower, and go to sleep. But tonight, he was very awake. His mind wouldn’t let him forget the feeling of CJ splaying across his lap in the car. Her exhale of surprise blowing on a small area of his bare skin, exposed between his shirt and pants, only a few inches from his cock. The way she looked when she sat back up, taking a moment to re-adjust those tits in her shirt. Her face had been flushed from the wine and her hair had been a wild mess, how he imagined it would look after a round of rough sex.

Duff approached an employee standing behind the bar. The employee must have recognized him, his eyes widening when he looked up and saw Duff standing there. The restaurants were typically closed by the time they got back to the hotel, but they always saved food for the band in the back.

“Hey, I’m here to pick up food,” he said, “I’m with Guns N’ Roses.”

The employee nodded and quickly disappeared into the kitchen. As Duff leaned against the bar, he heard someone approach him on his right side. He looked up to see a blonde woman, probably slightly younger than him. She was standing there, looking at him and he vaguely recognized her. She was one that followed the band around and was always on the rail. A groupie.

“Duff,” she said, looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes. “Great show tonight.” She was calm and collected, very different from other fans who approached him with excited energy.

“Thanks,” he said, “Glad you enjoyed it.”

He knew what she wanted. It felt wrong, but a part of him wanted it too. The other part of him knew it was a poor idea. Every time he had hooked up with a groupie on this tour he had regretted it. But tonight, his mind and body were so wound up from the incident with CJ in the car, it was clouding his judgement. Just go back to your room and jerk off. Walk away.

The employee came back and placed his boxed-up food on the counter. He grabbed it and turned to the woman. He got a better look at her, as she continued to look up at him from underneath her lashes. She was his type, and he needed a distraction. As much as a part of him was telling him to stop, fucking someone else might take his mind off CJ.

“Let’s go,” he said.

-

March 2018

Mindy’s House / Redding, California 

CJ pulled a knit sweater over her head and immediately turned to look at her side profile. It had been a week since her doctor’s appointment and every day she had checked for changes, feeling paranoid. Nothing yet. She was hoping to find a place to rent before the weather got warm and any bump she would develop would no longer be hide-able. There was a sharp knock at her bedroom door.

“Hey, you ready to go?” It was Mindy, waiting for her to head to work. They took the same vehicle, with no need to take two.

“Ya, coming!” She quickly grabbed her backpack. Going back to work, eating more, and re-joining society had had an immediate positive effect on her wellbeing. The color had returned to her skin, most of her bruising had faded, and she could think more clearly. It did suck to have to do work mostly one-handed. The cast would be off in a few weeks, and she’d be doing physical therapy and be good as new.

CJ opened the door and made her way into the kitchen. Mindy was waiting by the door, distracted and typing on her phone. CJ grabbed a breakfast bar off the counter and followed Mindy out the front door. The cold winter air woke her up a bit as she slid into the passenger seat of Mindy’s car. Michelle was already gone, having left for the veterinary clinic hours ago.

They made their usual morning Starbucks coffee run, something that CJ had been declining the past few days to avoid the caffeine.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything?” asked Mindy, pulling into the drive through lane.

“No, I’m good, I’ll stick with the water.” Mindy raised an eyebrow at her, perplexed with CJ’s rejection of coffee.

“Are you on a new health kick or something?” asked Mindy.

“I am actually,” said CJ, not meeting Mindy’s questioning gaze. “I’m trying to take care of myself and cut out caffeine.” Mindy let it go and didn’t press for a longer explanation, just happy her niece was out and about again.

-

CJ’s office area was in a small room attached to Mindy’s much larger office. There were other employees around that she interacted with during the day, but she spent most of her time in her office or running errands for Mindy.

Fridays were always slow and with not as much to do she found herself Googling, looking at different psychology graduate school programs. If she went back to school, she could work towards her goal of becoming a therapist and better herself for the baby. She had always had a dream of attending Stanford University, with its doctoral program being so highly regarded. However, she was unsure if going back to school with a newborn was a good idea. She’d give birth in August and have to go straight into classes when the semester started if she applied for fall of 2018. There were no graduate psychology programs anywhere near Redding. Online schools were hit or miss, and she preferred on ground learning. Moving somewhere for school would put her in a position where she would have no nearby support and have to search for a new job. Childcare was ridiculously expensive, more than she could afford.

Frustrated, CJ exited out of the browser, telling herself she’d return to the dilemma later. She went to open her work email inbox and accidentally clicked onto her personal inbox. There was one unread email and ironically, it was from her alma mater, advertising an alumni day. She quickly opened it to mark it as read and then exited out. But it made her mind drift to her college days and eventually, back to Jess.

She hadn’t spoken to Jess since the end of the tour, shutting her out with the rest of the world. She had received a few concerned texts and calls from Jess, but they had gone unanswered. She felt bad about it, having unintentionally cut out her longest standing friend.

CJ pulled out her phone and stared at it, wondering how Jess would respond if she texted her now. Would she be angry? Maybe not if CJ explained things. She opened her contacts list and clicked on Jess’ number. What could she say. She sat for a moment and then began to type.

Hey, we need to talk.

[gunsatthaphan]

~ Monthly BL Breakdown: September 2023 ~ 

👻 Happy October!!! 🎃

Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Youtube and other platforms. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post! 

New breakdowns are coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff!  -> previous breakdowns

What came out this month? (green = seen/currently watching)

🌟 Senior Love Me? Season 2 - September 1st (Thailand) 🌟 Naughty Babe - September 2nd (Thailand) ✅ 🌟 Venus in the Sky - September 2nd (Thailand) 🌟 Marry Go Round - September 3rd (Thailand) 🌟 Where Your Eyes Linger (movie version with added scenes + commentary) - September 5th (South Korea) 🌟 Y Star Challenge (reality show) - September 8th (Thailand)

🌟 The Promise: Honeymoon Lost and Found - September 9th (Thailand) 🌟 Our Story - September 9th (Philippines) 🌟 Rerun (starring PP Krit) - September 13th (Thailand) 🌟 You Are Mine - September 15th (Taiwan) 🌟 Bump Up Business - September 15th (South Korea) 🌟 Wedding Plan Special Episode - September 16th (Thailand) ✅ 🌟 Right Time, Right You - September 17th (Thailand) 🌟 Kimi ni wa Todokanai (I Can't Reach You) - September 27th (Japan) 🌟 Bon Appetit - September 27th (South Korea) 🌟 Absolute Zero - September 27th (Thailand)

Monthly likes/dislikes

❣️ Naughty Babe - I'm loving this so much lol it's so silly but the comedy is so brilliant and so far I'm enjoying it more than Cutie Pie lol. The story is interesting and MaxNat's acting has improved a lot since CP which is nice. Definitely an unexpected nice little gem and also a band-aid for the soul after the OF-trauma every Saturday dskjhf

👎🏻 ø

New series & movie announcements

🎥 Like - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Live in Love - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Spirit Reborn - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Red Peafowl (starring Max N., Mek J., Boun N., Gun N., Yacht S., LongFrank & others) - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Couple or Not - Date TBA (China)

🎥 Ossan's Love Season 3 - Coming January 2024 (Japan)

🎥 The Luminous Begins (Prequel to The Luminious Solution, starring Kaownah Kittipat) - Coming December 2023

Other news from the BL world

❗️ The upcoming Thai adaption of Cherry Magic will premiere in November as confirmed by the cast. The airing date has yet to be announced.

❗️ Actor Est Ravipon (LBC2, Naughty Babe) joined GMMTV.

❗️ The upcoming Thai BL 4 Minutes has been announced to air in early 2024. One of the main actors, Bible W., disclosed that shooting will begin in October and run until December. Several months back his acting partner Build J. dropped out of the production as a result of a defamation scandal. Further details, such as a recast for his role, as well as an airing date, are unknown.

❗️ Santa and Earth (My Only 12%) and EarthMix (ATOTS, MLC) respectively announced that they will be having another project together in 2024. Details are unknown.

❗️ GMMTV actor Gun Atthaphan won an award for "Outstanding Asian Star" at this year's Seoul International Drama Awards.

❗️ This year's GMMTV 2024 lineup event will take place on October 17th.

❗️ The cast for the upcoming Korean BL Jazz For Two was revealed: Song Han Gyeom (OMEGA X), Kim Jin Kwon & Ko Jae Hyun (To My Star), Byun Sung Tae (Happy Merry Ending) will be the main cast.

❗️ A third season for the Japanesse BL Ossan's Love was announced for January 2024.

❗️ At their event "Always More", WeTV announced their 2024 lineup. The following BL productions are included:

Monster Next Door

I Saw You In My Dream (WeTV x DeeHup)

Me And Who (WeTV x Domundi)

Knock Knock Boys (starring Seng W., Best V. and others)

❗️ MeMindY announced their next 2 BL projects:

Love Sea (adapted from an unreleased novel) - Coming 2024

Boy Next World (universe travel plot) - Coming 2024

Both series are adaptions from Mame's novels and will air in 2024. Earlier, FortPeat (Love in the Air) confirmed in a press conference that they will star in another one of Mame's projects, which led fans to believing they will appear in one of the 2 projects, along with BossNoeul. The official cast reveals will take place on October 3rd and 5th.

Upcoming series & movies for October

👉🏻 Sasaki to Miyano - October 1st (Japan, Netflix release)

👉🏻 If It's With You aka Even If I Fall In Love With You - October 5th (Japan)

👉🏻 What Did You Eat Yesterday? Season 2 - October 6th (Japan)

👉🏻 Lucky Love - October 15th (Thailand)

👉🏻 GMMTV2024 lineup event + press conference - October 17th (Thailand)

👉🏻 One Room Angel (manga adaption) - October 19th (Japan)

👉🏻 The Camp Fire - October 29th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Shadow - October 31st (Thailand)

👉🏻 Boys Like Boys (dating reality show) - October TBA (Taiwan)

👉🏻 Bump Up Business - October TBA (South Korea)

[todorroki]

HEY GIRLS........ I'M DEAD (love sea ep 2 thoughts)

do you think mame watched kp and nodded to herself like "yes... exactly..." while rubbing her hands together because that's the only reasoning i can come up with for what we got today. anyways nothing too coherent will be said this week sorry. my mind is still [metal bar crash] [car siren] [truck horn] [glass shattering]

let's just say when i started this ep i was sitting upright on the sofa and by the 8 minute mark i was sliding down my seat, and by the time they got to the SHOWER? clutching the armrest, practically parallel to the seat cushion, scandalized as though i haven't been filtering by E on ao3 for years now. MY EYES! no warning full on horny beam blast to the brain. and i was wondering how they were going to measure up to their nc scenes in LITA. me to my past self: u know nothing. fool.

first line in is rak wondering about sex with mut like LMAO talk about setting the tone. i love this episode because the direction said absolutely no nonsense we're gonna dial up the horny right away and they're so valid for that. the tension was Chef's Kiss. when rak just went ahead and sucked on mut's finger i screamed (silently). mut's expression here is ME

tongrak's resistance is weaker than wet paper! what happened to don't go for him LMAO even the cockblocking seashell wound was forgotten by the time mut started sucking on his arm.

and MY GOD there was so much Tongue. OPEN YOUR MOUTH?????? HELLO??????? as someone who has greater-than-anakin levels of hatred for sand, i was not even CLOSE to thinking about the sand in this scene so hats off to fortpeat. drove the surrounding setting completely out of my mind. then the nc back in rak's room afterwards?? i was mentally screaming HEELLP! shooting terrified glances at the closed door by the tv hoping no one else in the house was awake because jesus peat was Moaning.. tongrak took ride dick bicycle SERIOUSLY! and fort's low "im expensive" and "woof" line delivery is PEEAK I SAY. SO GOOD. they've truly outdone themselves with this one. im practically speechless. and BEST BELIEVE IM REWINDING IT LIKE A MADMAN!!

this is Not the horny speaking btw, peat's face is so cute here. when his eyes go a little wide ↓

nc aside, the motorcycle ride is so cute. rak clinging onto mut with both arms like OKAY!! I SEE! mhm mhm olivia wilde nod

tiny break from our main couple- we get vimook this week!! even a forehead kiss and the preview for next week asking mook out?? wow we're moving fast!! side note: are those chanya's real tattoos? because the small flower one on her arm is pretty. also enjoying palm just popping up constantly out of nowhere. he's simply a chill dude.

i liked that scene at the restaurant a lot. both the scenery And the food on the table looked great. i think that was the first time mutrak actually have a nice, proper conversation with each other. and they were very sweet! we get mut's backstory, and a bit of rak's thoughts on his job.

now i have No idea if anyone else has this error, but when i watched ep2 on the iq app on my tv, there was a line of subtitle here right before rak says because it's fun, though there was no actual dialogue:

it was something along the lines of 'actually, it's an escape' which would match rak's line of thought in the book. but it doesn't show when i watch the episode on the iq website. not sure if they forgot to put the audio into the scene or what.

similarly, when mut texts kom in the scene afterwards, the iq site only has the punctuation while the tv app showed the texts' translation. same thing with some of tongrak's flashbacks at the end. i don't know if it's just on my end or anyone else has this problem! not surprised tho the eye kew site n tv app both operate terribly imo :-) why are the subs placed so high on the website :-) ui and ux nightmare :-)

my hatred for this corp aside, WE GET DIVING AGAIN THIS WEEK!!!!! i'm so excited to see the behind the scenes for this part. i love seeing the logistics of filming underwater. and because this one involves a panic almost-drowning scene, it must've been hell to film, especially if they had to do it more than once. really looking forward to it. the visuals so far in both episodes are killing it.

shoutout to fort in the wetsuit... he's so hot

i really like how they're slowly dropping rak's trauma in bits and pieces in these 2 eps. (and i know we're supposed to focus on the trauma, but my brain went 'omg peat with his hair down so cute' during that scene with rak's sister sorry). compared to mut, who spells out his past with ease because he's made peace with it, rak outright avoids talking about his problems.

also, i LOVE mut's character when he's being serious. any time fort's tone drops to talk lowly or softly, i ASCEND. please give fort more serious roles!!! he deserves them!!

and we end with the title drop tongrak mahasamut!

the ending song changing from rak by himself in the first ep to mut sitting with him in this ep is a nice touch! it's the little details.

overall, pacing for this ep was good. i love it more than ep1, though idk if my opinion is influenced by the nc frying my brain. also, the boy next world poster!! just in time for their workshop starting this week whoop whoop

as always, if you found this post and read til this point, thank you so much for your time! anyways, if you'll excuse me, i have to rewatch some uh parts of this episode again haha. my screenshot folder is um. quite filled. just like tongrak. alright im out.

[despairots]

STARS ALIGNED — # CHAPTER ONE !

#DESC. you followed the one cold star that you weren’t told to. your parents has always told you to follow your destiny and fate but the more you heard it, the more you travelled off of your future.

#PAIRS. aquamarine hoshino x gender neutral! reader. slight fem! oc x gender neutral! reader.

#WARNINGS. violence, murder, manipulation, swearing, suggestive themes, dark themes, yandere themes, etc.

#DESPAIROTS NOTE. i started this series in school ,,, 😭 also this chapter wont have a lot of info abt the hoshino siblings or mentions of them but as it progresses, they will appear as i have a project due friday. also its short lmfao.

WHEN LIFE HAS BEEN forcing everything on you, it has bound for you to be driven to manipulation and greed. you were the most desperate person for fame and someone to know who you actually are.

the form of 4stros made you shape a persona that only fans and friends would know, no one actually knew who you were and what your intentions were. to be fair, all you wanted was fame and revenge.

you wanted to kill the person who ruined you, who destroyed your childhood life. you were forced to grow up because of them and your brain was forced to create another personality.

besides the trauma you dealt with, 4stros has grown into a popular idol group. people inspired to be like the group, especially you.

[name] was the leader with multiple fans and love letters with to many creepy stalkers in other, dark places but for some reason, they didn’t get bothered by them.

[name] was an idol and actor, a real life prodigy in action. but who knows, they might use that to their advantage.

maybe help a boy who’s the child of ai hoshino, a popular idol. would they use them too, maybe the two would toy with eachother? who knows, this is your story, not mine.

[NAME] HAD MULTIPLE PEOPLE look down on them when they were younger due to being claimed “weird”, it didn’t bothered them, most things didn’t bother them besides when people actually know them.

“[name] san? you there?” yashiro queried, pink eyes dotting at their leader. [name] smiled at them with a nod, “yes, yashiro chan?” they replied with a tone that would mame fans swoon. yashiro giggled and pecked their cheek before jumping up.

oka opened the door, hair cut and tied into a ponytail with a book that had all their songs, haru and juno were behind her aswell. “juno chan!” yashiro called out and hugged the women, who blushed and mumbled as she hugged back.

[name] walked up to them after waving, “oka chan~ are you done with the new song?” they were quite close to the lyricists face, light red on her cheek as she nodded at the leader who smiled.

“yes, i have.” oka answered with an emotionless tone, the 5 friends have been together since younger days and they’ve all helped eachother through their hardships.

they’ve been 4stro for a 2 years (this is the 3rd year) and this song is for their anniversary, X/XX/2023.

fans all over the place has been waiting for this day to come, expressing their gratitude for them and their excitement all over the 4stro’s fanpage. the anniversary has sky rocketed because of st4rs, the fandoms name.

[name] gave a few instructions before their mother knocked on the door, “[name] san? are — oh! you guys are here! i just wanted to remind you guys that you have school!” their mother reminded quickly and waved at the four friends.

“thanks ma!” [name] gritted in between their teeth, pulling their bag up as the five friends left for school, not before hiding themselves into they got there.

even though getting to school was hard, the amount of times paparazzi has noticed them and tried to invade their life was harder.

especially being classmates with creeps too . . .

“juno chan!” yashiro dragged out the ‘chan’, having juno push yashiro away from her with an annoyed look, the idol group already in class. “yashiro san! leave me alone!” juno whined, clearly enjoying the way yashiro laughed.

haru lightly chuckled whilst oka watched intently before looking back down at her phone, [name] sighed and laid their head down on their desk, peoples mutters being the only thing they heard.

“oh, [name] san!” a familiar girl’s voice rang through their ears, like a gunshot, kana arima stood beside their desk, a smile plastered on her voice.

[name] sat up, their face changing from a scowl to a fake smile, “kana chan!” kana winked at them as [name] just sat there, the same smiled plastered onto their face.

“pleasure seeing you again.”

“pleasures all mine, [name] san.” the two conversed, the classmates just watching with res pigment on their cheeks, having multiple idols in the same room as them.

“you did your hair?” kana asked, pointing at the dyed streaks in [name]’s hair, they lead nodding with a bright smile, having someone to notice at their school.

“i did, kana chan! thank you for noticing.” kana just smiled with closed eyes back at the doll like idol, who’s face returned to a scowl for a second before the teacher came in.

obviously the scowl was noticeably from their friends as they were aware of [name]’s greed and hatred for others, they didn’t point it out since they were all selfish.

they weren’t good people.

and lying to themselves got them nowhere—unlike [name], who admits things are just the way they are.

juno was the most envious, yashiro was the laziest, oka was the most saddest, haru had the most pride, and [name] was the most greediest.

they couldn’t help it. everyone was a horrible person and the more you lie about it, the more ignorant you are. [name] couldn’t help it but feel rage because of them.

“do you remember ruby and aquamarine hoshino?” them. oh them, how could [name] forget them! [name] hated them and their mother, they couldn’t stand the two of them.

“yes, why?” kana grinned before sitting down, not explaining why she had asked. the thought dwelled into their mind, remembering the times that they had seen them.

you met them by visiting a studio where kana was acting at, and surprisingly the hoshino twins were there. “ah! is this one of your friends, kana chan?” you walked up to them with a smile.

ruby blinked at you before smiling, “i love your eyes!” she complimented you, giving a red tint on your cheek. “o - oh, um, thank you…?” “ruby hoshino!”

“and that’s my brother, aquamarine hoshino but most of us call him aqua!” runy answered with cheerfulness that you wish you had.

“nice meeting you, ruby chan, aqua kun. i’m [name] [lastname], the child of hima [lastname], the famous singer, pleasure.”

a dark glint was in your eyes and a smirk plastered on your face, sometimes you wished you could rewatch the face aqua made when he saw you change your personality.

it was delightful to never see them again as they made your blood boil, you couldn’t help it. they were naive people, and you hated naive people.

[sleepdeprivedsimp234]

Decided to finally write my fic idea that I posted a while ago :D

Summary: Texas has been working for too long and Oklahoma isnt happy about it. Texas gets a much much needed massage, they have a talk, tears are shed, cuddles ensue.

Random HC: Texas has piercings (navel, ear, nose, lip). Not as many as New York, NJ, or Louisiana though.

_________________________________________

Oklahoma stomped out to the barn with an exasperated look on his face. Texas has been working outside everyday from ungodly hours of the morning until they went to bed, and even then he wouldn't sleep. Oklahoma was upset about it, yes, but he was more worried than anything. The days were long, hot, and humid, and he knew that Texas didn't have that good of an immune system nor a clear knowing of when to take a break (so he didn't). Oklahoma barged into the barn.

"Texas!!!"

Texas's head shot up from where he was fixing Ranger's stable door. "Uh oh...", he whispered to himself. Welp. He had a good run.

"Yeah...? Whats up?"

Oklahoma scoffed. "You know whats up!"

Texas did know. But he would just play dumb. "Uhhh no...?" See, his tone was halfway convincing, but his nervous smile gave him away.

Oklahoma just stared at his boyfriend for a minute, looking him up and down. Texas's hair was a frizzy wreck, there was sweat dripping down his face and strong yet slender arms, and he had long abandoned his shirt, only wearing his binder now. Oklahoma couldnt help but blush at the sight of Texas's toned, scarred, freckled midriff. Huh when did Texas have a navel piercing....

Texas chuckles. "Like what ya see?~", he teased.

Yeah. Okay. He did. But given the circumstances, he wasnt all too happy. He sighed before walking over to the taller state and forcing him to his feet.

Texas let out an uncharacteristic squeak as he was pulled to his feet by rough yet gentle hands. He was about to say something, but then Oklahoma started dragging him towards the house by his arm. He felt a slight twinge of pain from his aching arm muscles, but said nothing and just allowed himself to be dragged.

Once they got inside the house, Texas was unceremoniously tossed onto the couch. He looked up at Oklahoma, who had his arms crossed and a mad....no, not mad.... disappointed look on his face. God Texas hated that look.....

"Well? Wanna explain yerself? It is 8pm! What time didja wake up and start workin'??" Oklahoma questioned.

Texas cleared his throat. "I-I-I know that yer mad bu-"

"Im not mad!!" Oklahoma snapped. He was about to shout again, but reconsidered after seeing the mild fearful look. Damn ol Texas for maming him so soft....He sighs. "Sorry I'm just.... I'm just worried alright?? Yer always overworkin' yerself and doing stuff for me and others. Ya work in the hot sun for hours on end without takin' more than five minutes to take a break. And when ya do take those five minute breaks, its just to consume more unhealthy amounts of caffeine! Ya never actually make time for yerself and yer health and ya cant tell me that its not worrying!"

Texas avoided eye contact for a minute before looking up at his boyfriend. He wanted to say something, but he couldnt. He stared down at his feet instead of just uselessly staring up at the Sooner State.

Oklahoma sits down next to Texas and pulls him into a hug. He gently rubs up and down the taller state's back and buries his face in his shoulders. Texas mentally cursed himself as tears welled up in his eyes.

"I-I-I'm sorry, mi amor.....", his voice shook with every word.

"Shhhh.....dont apologize...", Oklahoma whispered gently, his heart breaking. He pulled away slightly and saw the tears running down Texas's face. "Oh Tex....." He pulls Texas back into the hug.

Texas clung to Oklahoma as if he would disappear if he were to let go. He let the tears fall from his eyes, as he was no longer able to hold them back.

"Hey....", Oklahoma spoke gently. He tilted Texas's head up and gently held Texas's face in his hand and gently stroked his cheek. "I'm not mad....okay? Youre not in trouble. Not at all. Okay...?"

Texas nods his head yes, though it was clear that he was unsure.

"I would like to know why ya do this to yerself though.....Ya can tell me why, I won't be mad." Oklahoma gently ran his fingers through Texas's hair

Texas sighs before just getting to the point and he said the first thing that came to mind, "¿De qué sirvo si no trabajo....?" He felt the hand in his hair pause for a second.

It took Oklahoma a moment to translate his boyfriend's words to English. Once he did, his heart broke a little more. "Tex? Do ya really think that yer only purpose in life is to work and serve others...?" The only response he got was a strained shrug and a defeated sigh. Oklahoma sighed himself and just hugged Texas closer. "Please...Texas....You have much more purpose than just being a workhorse and a servant....and you're your own person with your own body and mind. Ya cant overwork yerself and overexert yer body like this. Please promise me you'll try to take more breaks and not work so much.....okay? I love ya so, so much, my star....."

Texas's eyes welled up with more tears and he pressed a soft wet kiss to Oklahoma's lips. Once he pulled away, he stared down at the Sooner State with nothing but pure love. "Te amo, mi corazon...." He rolled his shoulders back a bit and tried to stifle a wince at the pain that shot through his sore torso.

Oklahoma furrowed his brow in concern. "Jesus Christ- Are ya hurt??"

"No. M' just a lil sore....", was Texas's reply.

Oklahoma paused for a moment before speaking up, "Lay down on yer belly and lay yer head on yer arms." Texas was a little confused, but did as he was told.

Oklahoma began to gently massage Texas's back, starting at Texas's shoulder blades and gently digging his thumbs into the area. Texas groaned softly as the knots were tenderly messaged out of his shoulders.

"Where are ya most sore?"

"..lower and middle of my back..."

And so thats where Oklahoma moved his hands. Texas groaned and whimpered slightly as Oklahoma worked his magic. Oklahoma blushed at the sounds that escaped Texas's lips, and even more at the fact that he was the one causing the noises to happen. He leans down towards Texas's neck and planted a gentle kiss on the back of Texas's neck. He chuckles at the shiver that runs through Texas's body.

Oklahoma gently rubs up and down Texas's back once he massaged all the knots out. "Aight I got yer back. Where else are ya sore?"

Texas melted at the feeling on his back. "Y-Ya don't have t-"

"Answer the question, Texas."

".....arms an' hands...."

"Aight."

Texas was flipped over onto his back and Oklahoma gently took his arm and kneaded his thumbs into Texas's bicep. He worked his way down, eventually coming to Texas's hand. He dug his thumbs into the palm of Texas's hand, earning an embarrassing whimper from the Lone Star State. The Sooner State chuckles as a blush spreads across the taller state's face.

Once Oklahoma was done with helping Texas's sore torso, he cuddled him close and they both fell asleep, Texas lightly draped across Oklahoma and Oklahoma with his arms wrapped around Texas.

___________________________________________

Tags: @tigerdrachin @alaskashigh @misery-has-no-company-now (lmao Misery idk if you like TexaHoma, but theres angst soooo-)

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Weird Strange Warmth, Thailand

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Sept 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Oh it’s fucking great. What a fantastic start! It’s a fun cast too. I adore seeing all of the familiar faces. This is a lot more fun than Kidnap (sorry GMMTV, do better). I mean both shows are serving the same kind of concept but with completely different energy. I love that War is playing phi in this series. I think it suits him much better. In fact. I really like these rolls for this pair. I think they’re gonna knock it outta the park. I am so happy this is good. I wanted it to be good. And it’s good!

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) ep 8 of 12 - Oh no! He read the journal. No snooping! Well I guess they needed to get some tension for these 2 from somewhere, otherwise they are too good to each other. Meanwhile, I’m not sure about the sides in this particular series. I don’t hate them. The laundry jealousy moment was pretty well done. But I'm not sold, either.

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 5 of 10 - I forgot that we were already on the ICONIC kidnapping section of the narrative. I miss Gu Hai's OBEY sweatshirt from the original. (Someday I will own that sweatshirt.) Hero should at least be wearing an OBEY T-shirt. Frankly I miss the harshness of the original too. Johnny Huang was just so massive, August doesn't have the physicality to carry this scene off. Nor does Thailand have the guts to push it into the creepy obsessive territory that made the first version so thrilling to watch.

The thing about the original kidnapping bit was we could feel Gu Hai's vibrating need to possess overriding everything else (including his sense of humor and frustration with himself). Gu Hai KNOWS kidnapping was an over reaction, he KNOWS he is being absurd, he just doesn't care. Because he doesn't just want to fuck Bai Luo Yin he wants to consume him.

We didn't get any of that from Hero. Hero, as a character, just isn't edgy enough to carry off a kidnapping, he's been softened too much in this new Thai form.

And then... An around the back of head not-kiss? Interesting choice. (Checks to see if BoomPeak are hanging out nearby.) Is that because the actor is under age? We in that head space for this whole show? (Pun intended.) Not sure how I feel about any of it.

It’s a much milder confession this time around, because it’s Thailand, but it’s still warped. So I’m still here for the weird strange warmth of this damn show. I did laugh a lot during this episode. 

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 2 of 12 - Oh I am very much enjoying this.

"You’re the worst kidnapper I ever ever met" is an apt accusation.

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 7 of 12 - I kinda enjoyed the little side romance story (wealthy writer intellectual + poor local salt-of-the-earth boy = Love Seaing all over my damn screen). It came outta nowhere but... okay.

I honestly have no idea what’s going on with this show. But the kisses are nice. And I pretty much like all of the couples. It’s wild how disjointed it is but simultaneously how pretty. It’s like Star Hunter got hold of Mame’s budget and aesthetic. 

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - Boyfriend era to the max. Production is still ignoring the whole "dreaming the future" POINT OF THIS SHOW.

The Trainee (Sun YT) ep 11 of 12 - Jane is VERY COOL. Like tay-style cool… as it were. I like their dynamic when they're given one to play with. It’s the rest of this show I don’t enjoy. 

Live in Love (Sun Gaga) ep 2 of 5 - It cute. Bit odd but cute. I like the language play, of course. It’s an interesting pair to watch flirt because it’s all language play so that's fun but otherwise, I'm not convinced.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 7-8 of 12 - This BL doesn’t drink from the water bottle to show off its neck. It quietly hands you the water bottle and expects you to understand that is not an act of generosity but of polite distancing. It's about the delicacy of the messaging, and the way themes are conveyed with such nuance.

This story is entirely about the two of them figuring out about each other, and then trying to be what the other person needs based on that information. It means they (and therefore we) are on this journey of discovering affection together. It's brilliant.

I must talk about the physical acting of these two for a second. That scene where they’re fighting over the book and then fall into the pool. That was one take. That’s amazing. These two are really fucking stellar not only at acting but hitting their marks. And let's be clear, that is NOT the same thing. I bet they both have stage training.

Define irony: watching two abandoned kids counsel their respective parents through abandonment issues.

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 6 of 10 - It is stupid cute and utterly charming. They are total boyfriends. It’s just that one of them wants to be and one of them assumes they already are. Actually, nevermind boyfriends, they’re married.

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 12fin - It made me whimper a lot because they’re both hurting so much. But in the end it was... fine.

Summation

The compassionate story of a college kid going deaf and the one boy he can hear. I love this manga and was let down by the first adaptation (Silhouette of Your Voice), so I was expecting a lot from this BL. I expected the soundscapes in this one to be fantastic, and the were, but I didn’t expect the filming to be something special too. But it really is. The acting is great too. But the story? It was just fine. They spent far too much time on the build to a relationship, then wallowed in their separation and a problematic girl character, when they should have been showcasing Taichi's character arc and his capacity for connection. Perhaps Japan should pass this one off to Thailand, It's a soft story centering on "food as love" so they might do better with it. I am, yet again, disappointed. 8/10 but I want to give it a 7/10

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 9-10 of 12 - It’s fine. it’s cute. I enjoyed getting some backstory. More of the sides, please.

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 7 - Honestly, why don’t they just call this entire series The Cheating Diaries and have done with it? I’m only watching it because there’s basically nothing else from Korea right now. But I’m generally mad about it. Including the fact that everybody is so pretty and the acting is so good in the series, but the stories are so terrible.

It's airing but...

The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai being converted into a café. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.

Happy of the End (Japan Tues Gaga) - A boy is disowned for being gay, dumped by his boyfriend, and ends up in a dysfunctional co-dependant relationship with his would-be kidnapper. We were due for another messy JBL and it's exactly as expected. I do not like it at all. And ya know what? There is plenty airing. DNF 

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever (Korea iQIYI & Viki) 6 eps - Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, HoTae & DongHee, return for a spin off backstory show.

It started out fantastic. And it was a relief to have a good Korean BL finally back on my screen, even a high angst one. But I did spend a lot of time trying trying to figure out whether they’re going to rehash or reboot from the previous series. Are we in Between Us territory or Don't Say No or (heaven forbid) To My Star 2?

None of the above, it turns out.

This was a pure prequel about lost first love. As such, it has no real finale beyond what we got in ULS. Which, for this pair, wasn't satisfying. Putting my disappointment over this aspect aside, it is enjoyable on the strength of the characters, actors, and chemistry (if not story). Yes I said chemistry, the kissing is fantastic, sometimes KBL can do that. This one featured the "teach me to kiss trope"!!!! Plus language play. Both favorites of mine. It is all angst, ache, repression, and miles of subtext. It did fudge the ending by not skipping forward and over the events in ULS to depict what happened next (what, no year long time jump when we actually need it, Korea?) It's a worthy companion piece, but should be watched BEFORE ULS for maximum satisfaction, and even then you're going to be left feeling like HoTae & DongHee's relationship was never adequately discussed or depicted in order to achieve resolution.

The little cameo of my baby in ep 5 was much appreciated. But the motorcycle should’ve been set up a little bit more. Of course I wanted it to be about them getting together after the events in the first series. But this was all backstory from start to finish. And while it was good backstory, it wasn’t ultimately satisfying for these characters. Still it’s a good little series. 8/10 

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging. It's just taking me some time. This isn't really a bingable show, not for me anyway. It's A LOT to take all at once. No new one this week.

4 Minutes (Gaga) Ended - Spies reported in to say the ending was not-exactly-unhappy and mostly lackluster. I'm torn over whether to watch. My natural disinclination to binge, meets my dissatisfaction with wishy-washy, is going up against my love for fabulous high heat and pretty pretty men.

Mitsuya-sensei no keimakutekina ezuke finished and it’s reported to be solid. Age gap treated with respect. I'm curious, so I'll check it out. Not doing very well on binging and catching up but it's on the docket...

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming Sept 2024:

9/15 Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) 15 eps - Remake of the original. I'm scared too.

9/15 Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - Assistant to a player boss who is in love with that boss decides to quit to save himself. The boss then makes a move. (A gay What's up with Secretary Kim?)

9/17 Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 10 eps - Lawyer and a con artist meet at a bar, pair up, fall in love.

9/28 Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YouTube) ?? eps - oh I don't know just Ba Vinh doing his thing with pretty boys again.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Love a teach me to kiss, teach me to fuck, whatever moment. (I Saw You In My Dreams sides)

Not gonna lie. I laughed. Addicted.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.

[halamet-chalamet]

#29 for the kisses hehe <3

#29- in relief

Warnings: talk of normal BAU stuff, like murder, gore, stuff like that. Trash writing, and fluff!

Awkward authors note :) Thank you for the request! By the way I just wanted to say… not only are my requests open, but they’re super open. Like so open you don’t even know. Any time of day, my request box? Open.

~~~~~Story time let us begiiiiin~~~~

It’s a well known fact that Doctor Spencer Reid has severe PTSD from his past four years working at the BAU. He’s seen everything. And by that I mean everything. Kidnappings of women, children, pedophiles, etc. The case of the week was a psycho serial killer, right in Quantico. Not only was it uncomfortably close, but so were the victims. They all looked too much like Y/N for Spencer’s liking. The body type, height, weight, hair. It hit a little too close to home. The most recent body they found, on the side of the road, was too much. The woman in her mid- twenties was lying, wrapped in a sheet, mamed, mutilated, and looked like Y/N.

“Spencer?”Emily snapped the genius out of his thoughts.

“Yeah?” He tried acting as normal as possible, hiding the fact that he was panicking, and wanted to go to her apartment and make sure that she was okay. Y/N had to be okay.

The rest of the day went on and Spencer tried to keep his mind on the case. They’ve found the unsub. They have to move in on him, and release the women who he had captured in his little secluded space in the woods.

The victim hadn’t made it out alive. That fact made Spencer’s stomach turn.

“Hey, Reid.” Derek said, while Spencer cleaned up the days work.

“Hello.” He muttered.

“Reid, what’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on I just have to leave.” He replied, trying to slip behind his friend.

“It’s the victims isn’t it. You weren’t the only one who noticed they look like Y/L/N.” Spencer’s breathe caught. He thought he was being subtle but apparently not. “Go see her man! But if you ever need to talk about it you know where to find me.”

With a quick thanks, Spencer was off to Y/N and Penelope’s shared apartment. Longing for her presence.

A knock on the door snapped Y/N out of her thoughts. She wasn’t expecting anyone. She got up to open the door. Before she could greet Spencer he closed the gap between them, caressing her face, but full of passion. When both were out of breathe and broke apart a shocked look took over Y/N.

“Spencer,” but she was cut off.

“I’m sorry. I just,” now it was her turn to cut him off.

“Hard day?” She asked. He nodded in response and walked in to the apartment. Y/N brought him to the couch where he nuzzled into her side, taking in her scent and the fact that she was there, right there next to him. She looked down at him. “Do you wanna talk about it?” There was a long pause.

“All the victims today they, they looked like you. A lot like you. I was afraid, I guess.” Spencer looked into her eyes. Filled with so much love. He was happy that she was safe and happy that she loved him. This time she leaned in to close their gap, soft, and careful. Spencer let out a small sigh of relief.

“I love you Spencer Reid.” She whispered.

“ I-I love you too.” He replied in a barely audible voice. As Spencer started to drift into sleep, Y/N brought down a blanket that was resting at the top of the couch and covered the two of them, (mostly spencer), letting her own eyes droop.

The drooping of her eyes interrupted by stiff led giggles. Peeling her eyes open she looked up to find Penelope and Emily laughing oh so discreetly.

“Look at the poor baby!” Emily pouted teasingly.

“Shhhh he’s sleeping!” Penelope added, doing a worse job at stopping her laugh.

“Guys!” I started. But quickly got cut off by the girls laughing and exaggerated tiptoeing into Penelope’s room.

“They sure know how to be quiet.” Spencer muttered, with a huge grin plastered on his face.

[lurkingshan]

Wedding Plan and the Evolution of MAME

I have a bit of a love/hate thing going on with MAME, one of the most notorious writers in the bl genre. Her shows have traditionally been a mixed bag of incredible chemistry, high heat, dubious consent, and pushy semes transgressing every boundary laid out for them, all of it built atop a foundation of heteronormativity and homophobic tropes. In the early years of bl, her shows were one of the only places you could go to see mature depictions of intimacy in relationships, but they also necessitated dodging through a landmine of problematic content. So my long standing policy has been to never watch her shows live and instead binge them when they’re done so that I can go in with some idea of what to expect. As someone who liked Love By Chance and TharnType for what they did well despite their problematic aspects, and actually kinda loved Love in the Air, I figured I would watch Wedding Plan at some point, but it wasn’t that high on my priority list. 

So imagine my surprise when people I trusted started telling me: hey wait, this is actually really good? Like, not good for MAME, but genuinely, legitimately a quality show. @bengiyo wrote a great post on the queer read of the story that was very intriguing indeed. @ginnymoonbeam wrote about seeing an authentic representation of her own experiences in the show. When I asked for others to weigh in, @negrowhat, @slayerkitty, @thegalwhorants, @nieves-de-sugui, @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle, and @magpie24601 all said they were enjoying it to various degrees and that it felt different from MAME’s previous works. So this weekend, I sat down to watch it, and as soon as I finished, I pinged @waitmyturtles, who had previously said she did not intend to watch any additional MAME shows, to tell her she had to add it to her project tracking the evolution of Thai bl. 

Because y’all, this show! This show is stunning, in more ways than one. The people and settings are gorgeous (shoutout to that McDonald’s money), the characters are compelling and sympathetic even when they behave in frustrating ways, the romance is properly swoony, the friendships are deep and touching, the family relationships are complex, and the ending is triumphant. I enjoyed it immensely, and I was taken aback by how genuinely rooted in queer experience and celebratory of queer love it felt. It was kind of a revelation, and I felt compelled to get down some thoughts about it. I’m going to break this down by narrative themes and characters so that I can dig into some of the tropes at play and what makes their deployment feel different here than it has in MAME’s previous shows.

The Core Premise

When I say this story feels authentically queer, this premise is the foundation of that. A lavender marriage is something that can only occur between queer characters. Right away, we are kicking MAME’s typical use of heteronormative tropes right out the door, because Lom already has a wife. Yiwa is his stand-in for the female partner his parents and society expect him to have, so Nuea cannot and will not fulfill that role. Instead, Lom’s pursuit of Nuea is explicitly about his desire to break away from those constraints and pursue the authentic queer life he has never been allowed to live, even if he has to do it undercover of this facade. Lom is gay, and he is pursuing a relationship with a gay man, and there is no coding here to make a heterosexual audience feel like what he wants with Nuea is the same as what he’d have with a woman. The difference, and the way one fulfills Lom while the other doesn’t, is the point.

Nuea

At first glance, our POV character, Nuea, feels like a stock MAME uke character. He is cute, he is a romantic, he is emotionally reactive, and he has a massive crush on Lom pretty much from jump. But pretty quickly, we start to notice some important differences between Nuea and those who came before him, starting with his competence and confidence. Nuea is the ace at his company and excellent at his work, and he’s financially comfortable. He is an out and confident gay man with a strong community of coworkers, friends, and family who will support him through anything and close ranks to protect him when needed. He does not share the standard characteristic of typical MAME ukes: uncertainty about who he is and/or low self-esteem. There’s simply not a whiff of that anywhere on Nuea. He knows who he is, and he knows what he wants. And as the story unfolds and Nuea gets deeper entangled with Lom, we recognize another crucial aspect of him: he is experienced, both emotionally and sexually. Nuea has been in relationships before, he knows how to say no, he knows how to draw a boundary, and he knows when he is deciding to cross one. In short, Nuea has something crucial that a lot of MAME ukes are lacking: power and agency. 

We see this throughout his relationship with Lom, as Nuea begins their flirtation eyes wide open about his own feelings and the fire he’s playing with, and alternately pulls back and pushes forward as his conscience wars with his desires. Nuea wants Lom. Their attraction is extremely mutual. No one is wearing anyone down or inspiring a sexuality crisis in this dynamic. Instead, Nuea’s struggle is rooted in his own morality and desire to be a good person, because he thinks Lom is taken, and he wants him anyway. Which is why we see him waffling so much and sending Lom all kinds of mixed signals, pushing him away with one hand while grabbing him back with the other, drawing boundaries only to step right back over them at the next opportunity. And when he finally crosses a boundary that he can’t rationalize (sex with Lom), he retreats back home to try to get his head together. It’s not an accident that despite Lom being in the active pursuer role, we see Nuea make a conscious decision to move forward and even be the one to initiate a relationship progression at several crucial points in the story. Nuea is making his own decisions here, and he has his own power over Lom that he exercises consistently. He’s warring with himself, not with Lom.

Lom

Lom is also, on the surface, a fairly standard MAME seme character. He wants Nuea, and he’s comfortable being pushy about it. He pursues Nuea fairly relentlessly, showing up in front of him even when he’s told not to, and leverages his role as Nuea’s client to see him as often as possible. He obsessively pines for Nuea in a way that also feels familiar. But for me, there is something that makes Lom stand out and feel markedly different from his predecessors in his romantic pursuit: sincerity and frank honesty. 

From the start, Lom is genuine in his interest in Nuea and sincere about how much he likes and admires him. He tells him in a very straightforward manner that he likes him and wants to spend time with him. He tells him he knows he doesn’t have the right, but he wants to kiss him and be near him anyway. He tells him exactly what he intends to do to stay close to him, and then he does it. He tells him honestly that he loves Yiwa, but not in the way Nuea thinks, and that he is not marrying her because he’s being forced. “But Shan,” I hear you yelling, “he did not tell him the most important truth!” And you’re right, he didn’t, at least not until he was forced to do so. Which brings me to the other thing that makes Lom so compelling: the constraints of the closet and his loyalty to Yiwa. 

Lom, unlike Nuea, does not have a supportive family or the freedom to live as an out gay man. What he does have is a best friend whom he loves deeply and completely, to the extent that he would sacrifice his own life and chance at happiness to protect hers. He has no choice but to hold some things back, because to lay it all bare would expose not only him, but her. The decision to tell a boy he likes the truth about the nature of their relationship is not just about him; anyone knowing is also a risk to Yiwa and the life she is building with Marine. And he takes his duty to protect that very seriously. On top of that, Lom has been in the closet since he was a teenager. We know that Lom and Yiwa connected over their queerness and their mothers’ bigotry when they were only 15 and 13, respectively. They grew up Knowing. That self-protective mindset is not something you can easily shake off, and not something you risk for any given person you develop a crush on. He is trying to walk a line in his pursuit of Nuea to snatch whatever happiness he can without blowing up his entire life. 

And to Lom’s credit, the moment he realizes how serious he is about Nuea, he goes after him (with Yiwa and Marine’s support), dutifully pays his penance and earns the respect of Nuea’s family, and finally unburdens himself, looking at Nuea with complete and total honesty and saying to him “This is who I am, this is my situation, can you deal with it? Do you still want me?” And by the way he sobs when Nuea says “YES” and asks to be part of his arrangement with Yiwa and Marine, he never expected for someone like Nuea to accept him and all the complications of his life. He was absolutely overcome by gratitude and relief, and you could see the burdens he’s been living under start to lighten. 

Yiwa and Marine

I don’t have anyone to compare Yiwa and Marine to, because to my recollection, they are the first significant female characters in any MAME story. And significant is an understatement. Yiwa is the engine that drives this entire story. The lavender marriage is her idea, because it’s the only way she can think to give herself the freedom to be with Marine under her mother’s watchful eye. She is the one who goes to her best friend and begs him to do this for her, because she trusts him absolutely and the devotion between them is complete enough that she knows he will sacrifice in such a monumental way for her. She is the one who encourages Lom to pursue his own happiness with Nuea within the constraints of their arrangement, hoping that he will find his own Marine that can hang in for this half life they’ve constructed to meet the tenets of filial piety. She is the one who ultimately decides to come clean when she sees how the lie is hurting Nuea. And she is the one who makes the final decision to prioritize her love over her obligations to her parents, and in doing so frees them all. 

The fact that a character like Yiwa exists in the bl genre at all, let alone in a MAME show, is mind-blowing to me. A female character with this much depth and narrative importance, who is not just here to play a cheerleader to men but instead to be a fully realized character with her own narrative? A female character who matters? In my Thai bl?? 

And Marine gets to matter, too. Marine, whose experience of coming into this relationship and accepting the limitations of the life Yiwa can offer her is treated with the utmost seriousness. Marine, who we see in joy and in struggle, who is kind and compassionate with Lom, who offers solace and guidance to Nuea, and who ultimately crumbles under the weight of Yiwa’s mother’s cruelty and reaches her breaking point. As minor as her role is, she feels like a real person, not a generic side character. The relationship between her and Yiwa is developed enough to make us feel invested in their happiness, to understand the choices they make, and to ultimately feel joy at them breaking free and living a more authentic life, even if it comes at the expense of Yiwa’s family bonds.

The Ending

Which brings me to the way this show ended its story, and how glorious it was. Yiwa and Marine run away to live on their own, freeing Lom from their agreement in the process. Yiwa takes full blame for the broken engagement, a parting gift to Lom that saves face for his parents and gives him cover to publicly dodge any further expectations for marriage to a woman. Lom’s mother, who is just as bigoted but not quite as stubborn and short-sighted as Yiwa’s mother, understands exactly what has happened, and reaches out to her son to assure him that she will no longer try to force the issue, and to ask him plainly not to run away from his family like Yiwa did. It’s not the support and love of Nuea’s family, but a kind of resigned acceptance that she offers. She knows who Nuea is to her son and she knows if she tries to intervene any further she will lose him for good. It was reminiscent for me of the dynamics between Shiro and his parents in Kinou nani tabeta—it still hurts, but it's a detente everyone can live with.

And Lom and Nuea? Have the freedom to love each other more openly. To flirt in a restaurant and hold hands in public. To live together and call themselves partners to the people who matter. We end on a message from Nuea about the beauty and joy of queer love, the simple nature of two people deciding to marry regardless of their gender, and a promise that someday soon he and Lom will be the ones to make that commitment. Just, perfection, and an earned resolution so rooted in a genuine queer experience. It’s not something I could have imagined seeing in a Thai bl even a few short years ago, and I am stunned that MAME is the one who delivered it. Her storytelling is clearly evolving with the culture around her, and I will be going into her future works with an open mind.