#or i might click the wrong button

[firedragon1321]

Literally had to talk to my Google search bar while researching something for writing.

“How long does it take to die in cold water”- YOOOOO HERE’S A SUICIDE HOTLINE PLEASE DON’T DIE

“How long does it take to die in cold water research for book”- Okay, never mind, we’re cool.

Just advice in case that gives you anxiety (because it gives me anxiety)- add “research for book” to a topic that involves any method of death to calm Google down. I was still able to get an answer. If that doesn’t work, try putting just “research” or something like that.

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

Coming to the unfortunate realization that my social and communication struggles run a lot deeper and more widely effecting than I had previously thought

[rowan-e-ravenwood]

the whole "if you don't reblog every piece of art you see, you hate me personally" attitude is so weird bc at its core is the idea i see in all the new-user guides that tumblr has no post-recommending algorithm. which. is blatantly untrue. y'all just talk about how much you hate it and you all have it turned off. idk man.

i'm sure that part of it is also the bizarre opinion that likes are equivalent to bookmarks, and reblogs are equivalent to likes. that's... also not true. everyone has the option to make their likes public, it's just that every new-user guide also recommends you turn that off. likes are likes, reblogs are bookmarks.

people say it's great that you can hide your liked posts from your page, but also if you don't put every post you like on your page, you're doing it wrong? there's just. there are like three layers of hypocrisy here and it melts my brain every time.

[kaeyapilled]

You kin Kaeya

[magickobold]

For the first time in my life I feel... old.

Showing up to Tumblr, unsure of how interacting works, trying to post things on an account with literally 0 followers in the most like, unintrusive way I can... and then going to class and literally jotting down a note about what to post when I get back. Like, is this how people used Facebook back in the day???

[erythristicbones]

deciding that i hate google docs organizational system and while it doesn't actually hinder my writing, it DOES annoy the ever loving shit out of me bc im the type of autistic that makes me want to obsessively sort and organize everything nicely

[dinitride-art]

The last time I was involved in a discord server it started with like ten people and I left when it got to like 200. This was three years ago. I have no idea how discord works and I am, in fact, too terrified to ask.

[medicinemane]

Few things piss me off more than when I'm researching something, and I find someone asking the question I want answered, and the response is just "you shouldn't want that, just do this instead"

Today, it's me trying to look up a build for this witch farm concept that uses raid captains to manipulate the witches ai instead of using redstone

"Just use the shifting floors farms, they're just about as good" people respond... you stupid prick, that's not an answer to the question actually asked. I don't know about these guys, but me, I want it cause it's novel and there's no redstone, and I like putting bespoke prestige projects on my server... you might have noticed I tend to do form over function on a lot of my farms... so this is about form, the function is just a bonus

Second example, I wanted to see if there was any way to make Terra Invicta load faster, "just don't save scum"... you idiot, one that's just stupid advice, people can play games however they want, but two this once again doesn't answer the question

Like yeah, how dare people want to know if there's a way to make a game load saves faster when loading takes like 1 minute

If they at least phrased stuff like "sorry, I don't know how to do that, he's an alternative you might try", it's not helpful but it's at least polite

But man... I just get tired of people not answering the question being asked and instead answering the one they've decided was asked

(Actually, a legit real problem in the real world such as... with doctors who don't listen to their patient and decide they know what's really being asked. Don't do it, answer the asked question, or at least ask questions to confirm what's being asked before going off pig headed)

[vampiefemme]

so, your best friend accidentally sent you a video of her masturbating. what now?

18+ below! smut smut smut!

ellie’s bedroom is heavy with the scent of sex, her fingers still pruned from her own wetness. she’s spent the last few minutes tense and panicked, too paralyzed with anxiety to get up and put some clothes on, and she’s considering what she’ll change her name to and where she’ll move to start a new life when you finally, finally text her back.

it’s okay. give me a second to reply, alright?

the weight on her chest eases a bit at your reassurance, but a new spark of uncertainty flares up at the second part of the message: give me a second to reply. jaw tight, she sends you a question mark, then follows up with you don’t have to respond. it’s probably better if you don’t?? again i’m so fucking sorry.

but as the minutes tick by, slow and lazed, she starts to panic again. her mind conjures every possible response you could send her next: an angry thesis statement on why ellie’s a disgusting pervert, a seething comment about how stupid she must be for sending a video like that so carelessly. would you ever look at her the same way? would things ever be the same?

all it takes is another notification from you to make every imagined worst-case scenario evaporate. ellie clicks the notification as soon as it pops up, chewing on the soft flesh of her inner lip.

it’s a video.

you sent her a video.

she hits the play button without a second thought, heartbeat thudding in her ears.

“i know you’re probably embarrassed,” you say, head tilting as you frown with sympathy. a blush paints ellie’s cheeks bright red. “but i need you to know how wet that made me.”

holding the camera up, you extend your arm outwards to reveal the rest of your body - your naked body, ellie realizes with a shock. she sits up in bed, back ramrod straight, her phone shaking as a nervous tremor strikes through her. but she can’t look away - not when you’re tracing a hand down the soft curves of your body, fingertips grazing over one peaked nipple, then moving lower, lower. ellie swears she’s forgotten how to breathe.

you release a pleased hum. “i liked watching you touch yourself,” you say, so matter-of-fact. “i hope you like watching me.”

and she does, god she does. she settles back down onto the mattress, eyes never leaving the screen as you work two fingers through your soaked folds. you moan and sigh and keen, rolling your hips down against your own hand, the wet sounds of your pussy so intoxicating, ellie can’t believe she’s gone her whole life without seeing you like this.

and it might be wrong, the way her own hand drifts between her legs to find herself still hot and wet, but she doesn’t have it in herself to care. she dips a finger inside of herself as she watches you ride your own hand, grinding down on your palm as your fingers work in and out of your cunt. she finds a rhythm that matches your own; soon enough, you’re both gasping at the pleasure building beneath your waistline. with every roll of your hips, ellie’s cunt tightens, flooding with slickness - as if she could get any wetter.

as you get closer to the edge, your grip on your phone falters and the camera starts to shake. ellie hisses and curses under her breath when your phone captures the blissed-out look on your face: eyes rolled back, brows pulled together, teeth sinking into your lower lip.

“oh - oh my god,” you stutter, panting, “i’m gonna come, ellie.”

ellie. ellie ellie ellie.

“holy fuck.” ellie’s pussy clamps down around her fingers at the sound of her name on your lips; her thumb glides over her clit just right, and she didn’t think she’d come this fast but she does, her vision exploding into blinding white as her orgasm crashes into her. it’s the only time she looks away from the video on her screen - but she certainly hears your orgasm, all high-pitched moans and ragged breaths, your cunt gushing onto your fingers.

when ellie finds the strength to open her eyes again, the video is still playing. you’re catching your breath, chest shimmering with a thin layer of sweat. you look at the camera and smile. ellie thinks she might pass out.

“thanks for the video,” you say, lifting your free hand up to wave.

when you bring your fingers to your mouth and purse your lips around them, sucking them clean of your own come, ellie’s sure she’s going to pass out.

and then, she decides, she’s going to fuck you stupid.

[5sospenguinqueen]

The Wrong Bull | Mark Webber x Interviewer! Reader

Summary: Mark was enjoying a private relationship with his favourite F1 interviewer. Until the internet started shipping you with his biggest rival

Warnings: Malaysia 2013. A lot of fabrication ie made up insta names. Swearing. Suggestive content. Indulgent blurb because who doesn’t like the idea of needy/possessive Mark. 

Requested: No

F1 Masterlist

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its_yn just posted

liked by markwebber, f1 and others

its_yn happy malaysia grand prix weekend! i’m very happy to be in the paddock this weekend bringing you the insight on how our eleven teams are doing

6,622 comments

danielricciardo can’t wait to see you. always bring me the most interesting questions

→ its_yn and you always bring me the most random answers

user1 my fave interviewer. i love the way she lovingly bullies the drivers. they’re always so engaging with her

jensonbutton now that’s a handsome man

→ its_yn thank you, i try 

→ danielricciardo but i’m the one with random answers?

user2 i’m so happy you’re in the paddock. you have the best rapport with the drivers and always have the best interviews with them

skysportsf1 when all the drivers beg for you to be there, we can’t say no

→ its_yn aw, you guys. i knew you loved me really

→ sebastianvettel of course. the prettiest interviewer we have

→ user3 oh, well then, get in there vettel

→ user4 sebastian making his move

user5 vettel winning on and off the track

user6 no way he bagged the hot sky sports presenter

user7 okay but the way she was smiling at him

→ user8 and the way he looked at her? talk about heart eyes

user9 if they need a third or a dog, i can bark

user10 ngl i thought jenson button was going to win her over

user11 okay, let’s chill a second guys. they just entered the paddock together

→ user12 we might be seeing the beginning of their relationship! how can any of us be calm. used to pray for times like these 

→ user13 yes but we don’t want to scare them off before we get confirmation

━━━━ ༻𖥸༺ ━━━━

Back resting against the wall of Mark's driver room, legs curled beneath you, you flipped through your notebooks. Going through your notes, you occasionally jotted something down, deeming it worthy of potentially mentioning during any interviews later. The sound of the lock turning had your head snapping up in time to see Mark's tall stature fill the doorframe. His eyes landed on you instantly, and he wriggled through the small gap he had created, blocking you from view of whoever was on the other side. A few short sentences later, Mark had managed to provide an adequate excuse to be alone. The door shut with a quiet click and Mark assured you it was locked.

"What are you doing here?" Mark questioned, the soft smile on his face assuring he wasn't opposed to the sight of you in his room. "Shouldn't you be out bothering more important people?"

"More important than you?" You shot back. "I've been put in charge of the post-race interviews today so I've got a bit of a break."

Mark took note of your jacket hanging on the back of his door, and your shoes at the foot of his massage table. His things surrounded by your things. And he was warmed by how comfortable you were here. In an endeavour to find some peace admit the chaos of the paddock, you took refuge in his room. The notion stoked the little fire of possessiveness within him.

"So, you're just going to hide out here until the race?"

Your pile of snacks, the circle of papers around you, and his jumper hanging from your frame told him all he needed to know. He just wanted - no, needed - to hear you say it. Especially after he'd overheard some of the drivers teasing Vettel during the Parade. About you, and the internet's speculations. And how if the German ended up on the podium, then how could the "pretty interviewer" say no to a date. So, regardless of the fact that it was his name and number splashed across your body, he still needed to hear you say it. To confirm that you were his and his alone.

"Until I'm needed, then yes," you smiled, watching as he slowly approached.

The white fireproof clinging to his muscular arms flexed as he placed them on either side of you. His race suit was wrapped around his waist precariously, looking ready to fall apart with a slight tug.

He angled his head down towards you, cheeks dimpling when he grinned. "And if I say you're needed right now?"

Your arms looped around his neck, pulling him down to close the small gap he had left between you. "What exactly am I needed for, Mr Webber?"

His eyes darted down to your mouth, watching as your tongue darted out to wet your lips. Before you could register that he'd moved, his mouth was on yours, moving against you and swallowing your surprised squeak. His arms wound themselves around your midsection, pulling you closer. The warmth of his body pressed into you instantly, and you melted into his touch.

Sliding your hands into his hair, you tugged at the short strands so as to pull him off you in order to catch your breath. As he didn't need oxygen more than he needed you, Mark's lips continued moving. His lips moved across your jaw, under your ear and down to the fluttering pulse in your neck, leaving a fiery path as he moved. A whimper was pulled from you when he sucked gently, your back arching into him. Paper crinkled beneath you when he lowered you onto the bed.

"Mark," you moaned, "you don't have time."

"Shh," he whispered against your skin, crawling atop you, trapping you between his body and the massage table. It have a groan of protest but he paid it no mind.

Not when your hands slid under his fireproofs, stroking the heated skin of his abdomen before trailing lower. With one pull, the knot of his race gave way, removing the cushioning that had prevented his hard length from pressing into you. A throaty groan escaped him when you rolled your hips against him.

Mark chuckled at your sudden eagerness. "What happened to not having enough time?"

"You shouldn't be so tempting."

Knowing that you craved him as much as he did you had Mark reconnecting your lips, moving with more fervour. Your lips parted, allowing his tongue to slide against yours. His hips jerked against you when you pulled his bottom lip into your mouth, sucking gently. Mark's hands slid down your hips, reaching around to palm your ass and pull you flush against him. The throbbing in his underwear intensified.

Two sharp raps on the door made your eyes snap open, fear flitting across your face when the door handle rattled. Mark pressed closer to you once more; not in lust but worry that someone would see you in the dishevelled state he had created. That was a sight for his eyes only.

Another knock came before a deep voice called out for the driver. "Christian wants to see you for a pre-race chat."

"What, now?"

"Yeah."

Mark groaned before looking down at you. Lipstick smeared, cheeks flushed and blotches darkening on your neck. He wasn't sure he could go outside. The image of you like this would stay with him, making him strain against the fabric of his suit.

"Go, my love," you whispered, tying his suit back around his waist, ensuring the arms carefully concealed the problem you had created. "And try not to collide with your teammate."

Well, the mention of his biggest rival this year was one way to soften him.

"You'll still be here when I get back? Before I jump in the car?" He pleaded.

He knew the answer. Of course he did. The routine had been the same for the past two years but, as before, he needed the verbal reassurance.

"And why would I do that?" You teased, snickering when the 6'1 man in front of you started to pout.

"Because how else would I get my pre-race kiss?"

"You could away ask Vettel."

The look on Mark's face turned from faux sadness to something much darker. You yelped when his teeth sunk into your neck before he pressed a soothing kiss on the mark he'd left (yes, I laughed at that). Shooting you a wink, he dashed out the door, and you were left alone once more.

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user1 seb really turned on the charm with this one

→ user2 he got away with defying team orders, won the race, and decided to win the girl 

user3 they would make such a cute couple though

user4 idk how yn managed to keep her calm, interviewer face on because if 3x wdc winner sebastian vettel spoke to me like that, i’d be giggling and twirling my hair fr

user5 okay i wasn’t a fan of the sebastian/yn train earlier but this interview may have convinced me 

user6 i love how she’s trying to stay unbiased but you can see that she’s impressed with vettel’s racing today 

→ user7 i actually thought she was a bit short with him for a change

→ user8 no i agree. her energy felt off. usually she laughs when they’re flirting

user9 did anyone else see webber watching them in the background?

→ user10 vettel needs to sleep with one eye open

user11 everyone talking about sebyn but i swear she kept looking behind him at mark

→ user12 mark defo smiled at her when they made eye contact 

→ user13 bfr, she’s clearly into seb here 

f1 just posted

liked by its_yn, redbullracing and others

f1 and it’s a 1-2 for red bull! oh, sorry, was that meant to say 2-1? 

9,222 comments

redbullracing that’s our bulls

→ user1 i didn’t realise we celebrated defying team orders

→ user2 oh please. sebastian was faster. mark needs to just accept that 

its_yn well done, team red bull

→ user3 it’s okay, sis. you can say well done to the love of your life for winning 

→ user4 vettel getting a celebration better than a champagne shower later 

user5 f1 is foul for this lmao 

→ user6 love how they used the pics where mark looks the most pissed off

sebastianvettel very good race. well done, team 

→ user7 he sounds so polite like he’s not a certified track terror 

user8 i’m in love with admin today. they knew what they were doing with this caption 

jensonbutton has anyone heard from mark since the podium?

→ fernandoalonso he’s yapping my ear off until all the conferences are done

user9 poor mark. he looked ready to throttle seb when they were doing interviews

→ user10 omg was that the one where seb was flirting with yn??

→ user9 yes! webber was stood behind him looking murderous. so hot 

user11 not to be one of those but i saw yn comforting mark after the race

→ user12 before or after her flirty interview with seb? 

→ user13 not fans trying to push yn and webber based on their 3 interactions when all this seb and yn content is right there

user1 sorry but no one can convince me that she didn’t just have a celebration romp with vettel

→ user2 yes! got to celebrate his win properly haha

→ user3 when he asked if she had plans later knowing she’d end up in his driver’s room

user4 dishevelled clothes, messy hair and her red lipstick from the morning gone? did someone say driver’s room sex

user5 she really does look like she got dicked down good 

user6 it’s the fact that almost everyone from the garage has left and she still got caught, bless her

user7 no because imagine angry sex with mark webber after that race

→ user8 oof, i never saw mark that way before but his face on that podium has me feeling some kind of way 

→ user9 i love how everyone is thinking of seb and your magnificent brain thought of mark

→ user7 i’m just saying, if i had to pick between the blonde twink or the angry, tall aussie, i know who i’m going with 

user10 okay but imagine it was mark’s room she snuck out from. seb stole his win so mark stole his crush 

→ user11 revenge, hate sex 

user12 did anyone else see the two marks on her neck during the interviews earlier though? i don't think post-race was the first taste miss thing got today

user13 damn, i always thought vettel would be good but he looks like he did a number on her 

markwebber just posted

liked by redbullracing, danielricciardo and others

markwebber please can you stop "shipping" her with the wrong bull. she’s mine

7,012 comments

its_yn and has happily been yours for two wonderful years

→ user1 they’ve been together for two years?!

→ user2 excuse me, two years and they kept it from everyone?! 

fernandoalonso does this mean i lose elite status as the only one who knows?

→ jensonbutton you knew! 

→ lewishamilton of course he knew. although i feel a little blindsided 

user3 no because i was fighting in the trenches for mark and yn whilst y’all were pushing the sebyn agenda

user4 who taught him to take the most romantic photos ever

→ markwebber yn did

→ its_yn i trained him good, ladies, so back off

redbullracing members of the garage have asked that you keep any noise in the driver’s room to a minimum. please and thanks

→ user5 so she did get her back blown out after the race by angry mark

→ user6 living my dream

→ its_yn i see you. he’s not for you anymore

jensonbutton genuinely did not see this coming. ngl, i was convinced yn was with seb

→ redbullracing so did we. we got sucked into all the twitter theories. they made a convincing case

→ its_yn @/redbullracing we had to disclose our relationship to you?

→ redbullracing i know. that’s how convincing they were

→ markwebber @/christianhorner how do i file a complaint about admin

user7 the height difference between them 🥰

→ user8 the height difference between them 🥵

danielricciardo well, there go my chances 

→ markwebber you’re too young for her, mate

→ danielricciardo yes but clearly she has a thing for aussies

→ its_yn just the one ;)

user9 no wonder he was angry. seb stole his win and then poor mark had to watch him flirt with his girl

→ user10 and watch as the entire internet shipped his girlfriend of two years with that win-stealing man 

sebastianvettel oh

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requests are open. i promise your requests are on the way. i'm just slow haha

tag list

@peachiicherries @rosecentury @c-losur3 @heavy-vettel @evie-119 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @lilorose25

[boy-with-the-pink-hair]

Yeah, I made a comic. Why? Cuz, I love to suffer. OTL

Based on my fic.*shameless self-promo* Relevant snippet below the cut.

...

Stepping deeper now into the cavernous inner chamber, he kept a hand on the wall as he peered into the gloom, wondering what could've caused the machine to malfunction. He took another step forward, nearing the far end of the chamber, his hand sliding along the wall until it passed over a slight depression and then a protrusion. His foot suddenly bumped against a thick cable on the floor and he shifted his weight in surprise. That's when he felt the protrusion beneath his hand sink into the wall with a click!

He stumbled back and saw a control panel where his hand had been, the buttons labeled on and off. He soon realized what he'd done as the chamber let out a heavy CLUNK and began to whir and hum, the glowing lines of circuitry growing brighter as the sound crescendo'd to a deafening peak. Danny heard his friends call out to him in surprise, but he found himself frozen in place as he turned to see a bright green light bloom at the end of the chamber into a brilliantly blinding flash!

Suddenly, a massive surge of energy ripped into his body! It took his breath away--pulled from his lungs in a painful scream as his muscles contracted violently, body spasming and convulsing as every nerve burned and sizzled! His heart pounded erratically in his chest, harder and faster than he'd ever felt in his life, as though it might explode! He clutched at his chest with another painful spasm, doubling over in pain as he tried to take a breath. It was an agony like nothing he'd ever felt before. It felt like dying. Like his body was being ripped apart, molecule by molecule.

Then as quickly as it began, it was over. His eyes rolled back as he collapsed to the floor, a blackness overtaking everything.

...

While the two friends busied themselves with their own activities, they didn't notice the atmosphere of the lab change... until it was too late. The CLUNK of the machine quickly drew their attention and both Sam and Tucker dropped what they were doing to watch in horror as it whirred to life.

"Danny?" Sam called out to her friend, "Danny, what's happening?!" The whir of the machine grew louder and louder, and Sam's heart sank in dread.

Tucker rushed back to the portal entrance to see what was happening, and joined in Sam's concern. "Danny, get out of there! Something's wrong!" he shouted over the noise, but it was too late. A bright flash of light burst from the machine, forcing the pair to shield their eyes as the deafening hum was replaced by Danny's agonized screaming.

"DANNY!!" Sam dropped her camera and lurched toward the portal entrance, but Tucker caught her waist and pulled her back.

"Sam, don't! It's too dangerous! You could get hurt!"

"But Danny's IN THERE!! We have to SAVE him!!" she argued, pulling against his grip, but Tucker held tight.

"I’m sorry, Sam... there's nothing we can do."

Yet, Sam refused to just stand by and do nothing. She broke free of Tucker's arms and rushed forward... but it was already over.

Danny's body crumpled to the floor with a thud and laid motionless beyond the threshold of the machine as a swirling green vortex formed inside. The two friends stared in quiet horror, before Sam stumbled forward into the machine to pull Danny's limp body back from that sinister green portal as it grew to fill the entire chamber.

She felt her heart clench as she dragged him back into the lab and rolled him onto his back. His once jet black hair was now a shock of white, and he felt cold beneath her fingers. A faint stench of burning wafted from his body, his suit a charred black and the rubber ashen. She knelt beside him, a hand on his chest, the other gently brushing the hair from his face.

"Tucker..." She looked back at the other boy in restrained panic, her voice wavering as she spoke. "He-- He's not breathing."

---

Read the rest here.

[twinkletfout]

I like to think that a soft and gentle man like Nanami has to be the roughest in bed. Just the thought makes me MELT.

The moment both of you stumble into your shared bedroom, The second the door closes behind with a 'click', he has you against the now closed door, your wrists are tightened with a single grip of his. His other hand harshly pulls down your panties to cup your wet pussy. His middle finger rubbing circle on your sensitive nub as he hums in delight of the way your thighs tremble. Maybe he will catch you off-guard by stopping midway to earn a whimper or two, then plunging his thick fingers, he would love how your eyes roll back in ecstasy as you try to stand still with your back arches in pleasure. "You're leaking all over my fingers, baby" you hum lightly, arching your back against him, "missed me that badly, sweetheart?"

He would push you on to the bed as he takes off his shirt in a hurry that he might break a few buttons. The way you look splayed on the bed with those eyes filled with desire. Gosh, it's doing things to him, his cock twitching and bopping up at the sight. And it hurts but in a good way that he wants to grip his length to be inside you after so long. He was thinking of you all day long, all those flirty comments you make, nanami never falter, not even a little bit or break a sweat in public, but that exact man is in front of you right now, ripping his shirt off and his face practically painted red, flushed.

After he gets on top of you and looks down at you, narrowing his eyes as he drinks down your state under him, and how you get embarrassed of the way he is looking at you and turns out you look away at last is what he loves the most, so he can make you look at him and spout the filthiest things with a playful smirk. "Weren't so shy in all those messages, what's wrong now? Cannot even look me in the eye anymore?" He would make you look at him, brushing his thumb past your lower lip as he leaned down to kiss you messy. Oh and btw he definitely is a man to talk you through it and knowing you like it like that. As you try to accommodate his size, he would run his fingers down your thighs reassuringly while his other hand rub your puffy clit. "Aren't you a good girl? Take it, i know you can" And when he manages to slip it all in, kissing your most sensitive area as your thighs literally tremble, he would coo in your ear, a sweet praise for making him feel so good. "Godd, i might cum if you squeeze me that hard, shit— haa im trying, baby, am i being good nhmm?" All of his senses will drown in your moans, later as he would start thrusting in you roughly. It's like he uses you for his own pleasure, slapping your ass and pulling on your hair. But you notice faintly the way his roughness crumbles, kissing your teary eyes and capturing your lips as he pounds into you, your moans drowning in between those kisses.

I might be a lil too feral for him but like, look at him, he is Nanami Kento

[reidsworld]

Parties

Summary: Spencer, Reader's boyfriend, gets jealous of the Readers family friend at a party.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Category: Smut

Content Warnings: fake blood, fake knife and axe, Spencer being jealous, cursing, kissing, hickeys, semi-public oral sex(m receiving), face-fucking, praise/degradation, I think that's it, lmk if I missed anything! — you are responsible for the content you consume, if you are not comfortable with any of these warnings or are a minor, DNI!!!

Word Count: 1.7K+

A/N: For the readers parents house I was envisioning something like the Mikaelson mansion from TVD. The reader is described as having longer hair w/ curtain bangs! This is also my first fic so sorry if its bad lmaoo

Masterlist

Walking onto the jet, you sat next to Penelope, across from Spencer. This case had been a hard one, Hotch had Penelope come along as you needed all hands on deck.

ping!

You sigh taking out your phone to see a text from your mom.

Mother Call me, please.

"What's wrong, Sweets?" Penny asks, concern lacing her tone.

"Nothing, my mom is just trying to call me and I really don't want to deal with her right now." You reply with a groan. You click on your Mothers profile, hitting the call button. She picks up right away.

"Sweetie, let your team that they're invited to this year's Halloween party. Your father and I agreed on the Friday- the 25th, but we would appreciate your input on the date. It starts at 8 PM" she says into the line.

"Alright, the 25th sounds good. If we have a case I might not be able to come," you say with a fake-disappointed tone, praying that a case came up on the day of the party.

"Your father and I are excited to see you so please try to be there."

"Well I can't really control when serial killers decide to strike but you know, I'll try!"

Sighing, your Mother speaks, "Don't be like that honey, your father and I are very excited to see you. If it's any encouragement to come, Julius will be there!"

"Alright fine, I'll try my hardest to be there." you say, smiling at the name.

You exchange 'goodbye's' and 'I love you's' with each other before you hang up.

“Who’s Julius?” Morgan asks with a smirk, drawing your attention to rest of the team who’s staring at you. Spencer couldn't help but feel jealous at the way you smiled at this ‘Julius’ person.

“How did you-? And you’ll meet him at the Halloween party my parents are having on the Friday 25th at 8 PM. No extremely scandalous costumes or my parents will probably never invite you guys back.” You say with a laugh.

Luckily, on the day of the party there was no case. Even so, you had asked Hotch to get off early as you needed to get ready for the party and be there early, as per your parent's request.

Once he agreed, you rushed home and showered before getting ready. You wore a black velvet strapless body-con dress that cut mid-thigh. You had fishnet stockings and black gloves that reached just below your elbows. There was a knife strapped to your leg as well. You had your hair down, styled with curtain bangs.

Once you finished getting changed, you put on dark red lipstick, mascara, and did cat eye eyeliner. Finally, to complete the look, you grabbed the scream mask and rested it to sit securely on top of your head as if you had pulled it up to reveal your face.

You grabbed a small black handbag and put on some Doc Martens, heading out the door to your parents mansion.

Once you got there, their mansions was decked out with Halloween decorations. You parked your car in the garage and went inside.

"Y/N, sweetie, we missed you so much!" Your mother greeted as her and your father hugged you.

"I missed you guys too. And I love the costumes." You said when you pulled away from the hug, referring to their matching Gomez and Morticia Addams costumes.

"Thank you," your father smiled.

It was 8:45 and most of the guests had arrived, so you decided to go and mingle.

You were standing by the food when you heard a voice come from behind you.

"You look good, baby," Spencer said, giving you a kiss on your temple. You looked up at him. He held a fake bloody axe in the one hand and he was wearing a suit with a clear rain coat on top of it. He had his hair slicked back and fake blood splatter covered his face.

"Thank you, you make a hot Patrick Bateman," you winked.

"Well hello gorgeous." You turned to see someone that you hadn't seen in years.

"Julius! Hi, oh my gosh, don’t you look handsome. It's so good to see you." You smiled, hugging him. He was dressed in a orange jump suit with handcuffs on one hand. When he pulled away, you could see him check you out.

"It's good to see you too, love," He grinned.

Spencer would deny being jealous of how low Julius had his hand on your back, of how you smiled and hugged him. But who was he kidding, he was incredibly jealous. So, he stepped forward, wrapping an arm around you, smirking.

"Aren't you gonna introduce me, baby?"

You smiled, knowing exactly what Spencer was doing, "Spencer, this is Julius. Julius, this is my boyfriend Spencer."

Julius stuck his hand out for Spencer to shake. "I don't shake hands, too many germs. But it's nice to meet you," Spencer said, leaving Julius hanging.

"I'll be back, Spence, I gotta go to the washroom."

With that you walked off into a hallway, Spencer following quickly behind you. When he caught up, he grabbed your arm and pulled you into the laundry room, locking the door behind you.

“Spencer what are you—”

Your words were cut off as he pushed you up against the door, smashing his lips on yours. His hands roaming all over your body as you threaded your fingers through his hair, tugging on it and earning a soft groan from his lips.

He tugs on your bottom lip with his teeth, making you moan, before breaking the kiss moving his lips down your neck. He lightly bites down on a spot before soothing it with his tongue. He repeats this all over your neck, surely leaving multiple hickeys.

"Fuck, you see what you've done to me? Walking around with that pretty little outfit and flirting with some other guy who would never be able to make you feel as good as I do," he speaks with a low tone, pushing your hips against his growing bulge as his hands grope your ass.

His words make you weak at the knees, the pool in your panties building with every passing second. Spencer's eyes are filled with hunger and lust as he pulls you in for another kiss.

"On your knees," he says into the kiss, lightly pushing you down by your shoulders. You get on your knees, making quick work of taking off his pants.

You slide off his boxers, freeing his cock, precum leaking out of the tip. You grin before licking a stripe up the underside of it, making him groan.

You spread the precum around the head of his dick before taking it in your mouth and swirling your tongue around the head. Spencer's breathing picks up and you start taking more of it into your mouth.

He takes the mask off the top your head, tossing it somewhere in the room. He grips your hair, making a make-shift ponytail. You hollow your cheeks and start bobbing your head.

You swirl your tongue around his dick as you suck harder. He groans and throws his head back, "shit, baby." As you take more of his dick into your mouth, his hips buck, hitting the back of your throat.

You gag around his dick, making him let out a low groan. He looks down at you for approval before he starts thrusting into your mouth.

He fucks your throat, making you gag and moan around his dick. Tears begin to fall at the feeling and restriction of air flow. He pulls back a bit, letting you get some air.

Once you give him a small nod, he resumes his motions. "Fuck Y/N you take my cock like such a good little slut.”

You feel his dick begin to twitch in your mouth, indicating that he’s close. You look up at him as he pushes in and out of your mouth, moaning so loudly, you're sure people can hear you.

"I'm close," Spencer moans, sloppily thrusting into your throat, hitting the back every time. After a couple more thrusts, he pushes his dick as far into your throat as he can, making you gag. The vibrations send him over the edge. He holds your head still, sending warm ropes of cum down the back of your throat.

He pulls out and looks at you, your mascara is running and your hair is a mess, "you look so pretty like this baby." He caresses your cheek before helping you up onto your feet. He pulls his boxers and pants back on before kissing you on the forehead.

"I love you," you smile at him.

"I love you too."

He picks your mask up off the ground and hands it to you. You take him to the washroom and take out makeup wipes from the cabinet. He helps you take off your make up so you can reapply it.

You both walk out of the room and into the hallway. Just as your leaving you bump into Julius. His eyes flicker down to the dark marks scattered across your neck and Spencer smirks.

"We're leaving now, it was good to see you," You smile at him, holding Spencer's hand.

"Yeah, you too."

As soon as you got home, Spencer pulled you onto the couch to straddle him. His lips were on yours, engaging in a heated kiss. His hands roamed to the back of your dress, pulling the zipper down and sliding the dress down to your hips.

He unclipped your bra, freeing your breasts. he pulled back, looking down and grinning.

"Are you just gonna stare or are—” You were cut off by Spencer's lips on your nipple making you moan. He swirled his tongue around the bud as his other hand kneaded your other breast. You were moaning, running your hands through his hair.

Just as he was about to move to the other nipple, your phone pinged. You groaned and got off him. you walked over to your phone and unlocked it.

Mother Your car is still here...?

Y/N I'll pick it up in the morning, I went home in someone else's car

With that you put your phone down and walked over to Spencer, swaying your hips.

"Now, where were we?"

A/N: chat I’m rlly debating posting this rn. I wrote it in 2022 and now, 2 years later, I found it in my drafts. I decided to edit it and fix it up a bit. I’m pretty happy with how it turned out, when I first found it, I expected it to be a lot worse lmao. lmk what you think of it!! if no one reads this I’m taking it down cause I’m kinda out of my criminal minds phase lol. Any feedback is greatly appreciated🫶

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗧𝗜𝗞𝗧𝗢𝗞 𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗦 | 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝟯

　　　　　　　　𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

SUMMARY: 4 times that Y/N and Chris made a couple's trend on tiktok.

WARNING: None.

REQUESTED?: Yes, by anons, @lightsgore and @love4triplets

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

1.

Y/N was sitting on the couch in the living room of her house, which she shared with her boyfriend and his brothers. Her legs were crossed on the upholstered while her upper body was resting on the armrest, her head facing the kitchen.

She had her phone in hand, the TikTok recording screen open, and the audio she would use already selected.

The girl smiled slightly, clicking the red button, keeping her rear camera focused on the kitchen table.

"It might not be something you would do"

The lens captured the image of her boyfriend and his brothers behind the wooden table, basic kitchen utensils, and assorted ingredients scattered over the surface.

The triplets were filming a video where Chris had to cook them his favorite meal, and it was obvious that he was going to make an extra dish for his girlfriend.

"But you haven't seen my man"

Chris was standing behind the grill, his hands moving the spatula so that he changed the position of the burger every now and then, frying it completely.

His mouth moved quickly as he bickered with his brothers, who were on either side of him watching his movements.

"... you haven't seen my man"

The video cut to Chris approaching Y/N with a pink plate in hand and a huge smile on his face, a full burger on it.

You could see a difference between her burger and the one he made for himself and his brothers; Hers was prettier and juicier.

When posting the TikTok, Y/N wrote in the top corner: "When your boyfriend cooks for you."

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

2.

Y/N and Chris were in their shared room. Chris was sitting on his gaming chair while Y/N was on his lap, their legs wrapped around each other.

Her phone screen - which was resting on the computer table - showed the countdown to start recording TikTok.

"Hi guys! As many of you already know, Chris is addicted to hockey games, as he played it himself when he was still at school." Y/N spoke, pointing her left hand momentarily towards Chris, who nodded, keeping his eyes on the device's screen. "So today, we're going to do that trend where you guess your husband's favorite sports teams, but in this case, just to-"

"Wait! Wait, wait, wait." Chris quickly interrupted her. His hands, which had previously wrapped around her waist firmly preventing her from slipping, rose into the air. His blue eyes were wide, and his mouth was open in a perfect O.

"What?" Y/N moved her body so that her upper body was facing him, her eyes running over his shocked features. "What?"

"Husband?" Chris asked, looking at her with an involuntary smile decorating his face, his right hand resting on her back, serving as a support, while his left one traveled to her thighs, caressing the covered skin.

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?" Y/N asked, pressing her lips into a thin line, trying to stop a laugh from escaping at her boyfriend's reaction.

"There's... There's absolutely nothing wrong with that." Chris shook his head repeatedly, his cheeks burned, and he was sure they had a strong tinge of red.

"Okay..." Y/N dragged the letter "A", smiling and returning her attention to her phone. "So, I'm going to have to guess my husband's favorite sports teams-" She interrupted her own sentence, frowning when she saw on her cell screen Chris retrieving a blank paper from one of the drawers of his desk, fiddling with it while the girl spoke. "Chris, what are you doing?"

The boy let out a low childish laugh, moving the paper a few more times before finally raising his right hand, showing what he was doing.

Between his index finger and thumb was a paper ring.

"Chris, what?" Y/N let out an incredulous laugh, raising her hands so he could grab his that held the fake ring, but Chris quickly took away his own, pulling it away from her.

"Ah, ah. I'm the one who has to put it in you, wifey." He smiled amused. His eyes seemed to shine under the white light of his room, while an almost colorful aura seemed to come out of his body, warm joy surrounding him. "Give me your hand."

Y/N shook her head, feeling disbelieved. She let out a breathy laugh, raising her left hand towards him.

Chris delicately fitted the paper ring onto her ring finger, smiling a childish smile and winking at the camera, before bringing his face closer to hers and sealing his lips on her cheeks repeatedly, eliciting laughter from the girl.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

3.

"Um, excuse me." Y/N approached Chris's figure. He was facing a shelf in that row, pretending to analyze a box of tampons.

The two were recording a TikTok trend where Y/N pretended to be a random girl hitting on Chris at the grocery store. Her phone was resting on one of the shelves so that the front camera recorded the two of them from their waist up.

Chris pretended to be startled, jumping to the side and looking at her with wide eyes.

"What do you want?"

Y/N pressed her lips into a thin line, swallowing her laughter.

"You are that famous youtuber, right?" She smirked the way she did when she flirted, keeping her eyes focused on Chris's face.

It was possible to see Chris's eyes remain on her mouth for longer than he should, his tongue escaping through his lips, wetting them.

"Hey! Put your eyes up here." Y/N fumed, hitting Chris hard in the chest with a random box that she picked up to use for the video.

"Ouch, I'm sorry, babe, you're so sexy." Chris raised his arms in surrender, smiling in amusement, returning to his serious expression quickly when he saw Y/N throw an angry look in his direction.

CUT

Y/N approached again, placing her hand on Chris's right shoulder.

"Hey, excuse me. Do you know where the candles are?" She asked in a sweet voice, stroking his covered skin.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure they're-" Chris' sentence was interrupted by a sharp slap that Y/N gave on his shoulder, right where she was caressing seconds before. "Hey! What was that for?"

"Are you going to let her caress you, Christopher?" Y/N crossed her arms, glaring at him.

"But I didn't-"

CUT

"Um, excuse me?" Y/N spoke again, approaching Chris with a box of cereal in hand.

"Yeah?" Chris lifted his gaze, looking at her carefully, waiting for her to say or do something.

"Do you know this brand of cereal? Is it good?" The girl caressed his biceps lightly, lifting the box so that it was almost glued to Chris's face.

"Don't touch me. I have a wife and kids at home." He practically shouted, pushing Y/N's hand away and taking steps back.

The girl threw her head back, her mouth opening as laughter escaped her throat.

"That was good. But Nick and Matt aren't our kids."

CUT

"Hey, you're so cute." Y/N brought her body closer to Chris's, smirking as she raised her eyes, looking into the brunette's blue ones.

The boy took a step to the side, moving away from Y/N surreptitiously.

"Yeah, I know. My girlfriend says I'm cute all the time. Thanks, tho." Chris spoke, keeping his eyes on the items on the shelf in front of him.

"Do you wanna have two?" The girl asked, swallowing her laugh as she approached again.

"Two what?" Chris asked, his voice sounding high-pitched. He widened his eyes, looking at her from the corner of them.

"Girlfriend's." She replied, the beginning of a smile appearing on the right corner of her lips.

"No, absolutely not. One is already a headache enough! Get away from me, weird bitch." The boy shouted, keeping his body facing the shelf, only turning his face towards Y/N, casting a look of false disgust towards her.

Y/N let out an instant laugh, bending her upper body forward and holding her stomach with her right hand.

"Boo!" Chris shouted towards her, widening his eyes and pushing his body forward in an attempt to scare her, before a laugh escaped his lips.

"You passed!"

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4.

Y/N approached the bed in her shared room with Chris, where her boyfriend was lying below the duvet, sleeping. The girl had her phone in her right hand with the TikTok recording screen already open.

She clicked the red button before bringing the device closer to Chris's face. He was sleeping soundly, his right cheek pressed against the pillow and his mouth half open, where small snores escaped.

"Chris? Chris!" Y/N touched his messy hair lightly, stroking the brunette curls as she called out to him in a low voice.

"Hmm?" The boy only opened his left eye, looking at her briefly before closing it again.

"Chris, wake up!" She called again, pulling the duvet down.

"What?" Chris's voice sounded hoarse from sleep.

"My boyfriend is coming, get up!" Y/N insisted, gesturing with her hand as if asking him to stand up. "You need to hide. Go to the closet!"

"Huh?" Chris's eyes looked at her for a few long seconds, and Y/N swore she could see his brain trying to work behind his pupils.

"My boyfriend is coming, you have to hide!" Y/N repeated, pulling his arm lightly.

Chris lifted his upper body, pushing the duvet off his body, revealing his gray sweatpants and white t-shirt. He crawled to the end of the bed, ready to get up.

"Is he strong?" The boy asked, still groggy.

A laugh escaped Y/N's lips, but she cleared her throat, trying to hide it.

"Yeah." The girl responded, her voice coming out wavy from the laugh she was holding back. "Hurry!"

The camera captured the image of Chris rising, his eyes still far away from sleep and his feet staggering on the floor.

At some point, the boy tripped over his backpack that was thrown between the bed and the closet, almost falling. He quickly crouched down, sitting on the floor and pulling his legs close to his chest, as if the position would make him disappear.

A laugh escaped Y/N's mouth, making her phone shake slightly with the movement.

"Wait, who?" Chris lifted his head, looking from down at her, frowning in confusion.

"My boyfriend." Y/N responded between laughs, taking a deep breath.

"But, wait- I'm your boyfriend." The boy shook his head, confusion taking over his brain. He stretched his legs out on the floor again, leaving his hands on his thighs, staring into the wall while trying to process what was happening.

Y/N put down her phone, laughing loudly and crouching on the floor next to Chris, laying her head on his shoulder while laughter still escaped her lips.

"Are you pranking me?"

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[luveline]

I would love to do a request if you would like! Some sort of Spencer Reid x Reader where the reader is super bad ass, tough, doesn’t show much emotion is kind of cold to others but has the biggest soft spot for Spencer!! 🫶🏻

thanks for your request lovey, I would love to write more of this pairing if you have any more requests ♡ fem!reader

"Here comes the ice queen," Morgan mutters, turning his chair away from the walkway. 

You walk down the steps from Hotch's office. Whether you were praised or reprimanded is anybody's guess —your face never gives anything away. Spencer doesn't necessarily agree with the way Morgan's categorised you, but he isn't wrong either. You're like Hotch in temperament, if Hotch were soft on only Spencer. 

That might have something to do with why Spencer won't call you cold. You're never cold with him. 

"What did boss man want?" Morgan asks. 

"If it were your business, Morgan, I'm sure you'd already know." You don't say it spitefully, but it's far from a warm answer.

Spencer honestly asks just to piss Morgan off, "Everything okay?" 

You visibly soften. Walking past Morgan without notice, you pause by Spencer's desk, your voice quieter, gentler. "Don't worry, Spence, everything's fine. You still reading that book about sex crimes in Arizona?" 

"I finished it. Doesn't take long." 

"No, you're fast," you agree. "What are you gonna read next?" 

It's amazing how swiftly you shift gears. Your body language totally changes, your shoulders slouching toward him, your hand open and resting on the back of his chair as if you might touch his hair. Morgan shoots Reid a look that says, What is happening right now?

"I was thinking about reading up on the Milk Killer, from 1954. He tried to give his victims blood transfusions high in lactose in an attempt to cure intolerance." 

Even Spencer admits that that sounds boring, but your face lights up with genuine interest. "That could be good. You'll have to tell me how it goes." 

"Sure." Spencer squints at you. "You have something on your face." 

"Yeah?" you ask, and Morgan goes wild behind you, dipping back in his chair in disbelief at your breathless tone. "What is it? Can you get it for me?" 

You bend a little and Spencer wipes the lint from your face sweetly. He wonders if he should be blushing, your affection for him as clear as it is, but for once, Spencer Reid feels smug. He can melt someone that Morgan can't. "All gone," he says. Smugness aside, you're a friend (and maybe a little more than that).

"Thanks, Spence," you say, popping a kiss against his cheek. "You saved me from embarrassing myself." 

Morgan clears his throat. You barely move, your hands twisting behind your back. "Hey, lovergirl," he says, making himself heard. 

"What, Morgan?" you ask, finally looking away from Spencer's pinking cheeks. 

"You have something," he says, pointing at the corner of his mouth. 

"So?" you ask indifferently. You turn back to Spencer as though nothing occurred. "Do you want to go to the movies again this weekend? They're playing a silent film. I think you'll like it." 

Spencer smiles genuinely. It's not his main concern, but it's definitely an added bonus to hear Morgan's sighed, "Are you kidding?" as he nods vehemently. 

"I'd love to," Spencer says. 

"Okay. It's a date," you say, smiling at him so nicely it feels like he can't breathe. 

"What's a date?" Emily asks as she returns from the kitchenette, eyebrows jumping. 

"It's a marker used to denote the day or month within a year," you say primly. "I have to go make copies for Hotch." 

You don't say goodbye. Morgan likes you, really, in the same way you like Morgan, so he gives Spencer a dazed look followed by a small smile. "Good luck with that." 

Spencer looks over his shoulder to follow your figure as you carry a box of reports to the photocopier. "I don't think I need luck," he murmurs. You glare at the copier, clicking one of its buttons aggressively. "She's nicer than you guys think." 

"Sure."