#or him in the vat of cheese...

[8cfc00]

i think the best thing about that hermie thing i just posted is how much of it is just CANON..... the silver dollar with hermie's face on one side and the theatre mask on the other is real... and so is him wearing normal boy makeup over the joker makeup... and on the bottom of the last page he's in space and he DID canonically embrace the void... there is something so wrong about that teen that is so very intriguing and so very FUN to explore

[allihaveleftismywords]

for a platform that has a flagship show which relies very heavily on the talents of that man, sam is doing his best to kill brennan any chance he gets.

[glubandeepspace]

i hope theres an event where rafayel becomes a 5 inch plushie and mc puts him in the washing machine

[cinnamnt]

every time i eat feta cheese i think about spy fox dry cereal. the mr udderly(?) line delivery when he says something about feta cheese in a cutscene i don’t remember the entirety of the game except that one singular voice clip. that has stuck with me my whole life i eat feta cheese every other day and say it in my head like that

[twisted-tales-told]

Connor Mcdavids name deserves a trigger tag

[cera-writes]

How about Nightcrawler falling for Remy's honorary sibling?

Moonlight Sonata

Pairing: Kurt Wagner x gn!reader Tags: fluff, humor, flirting, baking, slight competition, developing feelings

The scent of fresh pastries mingled in the air, a peculiar scent that had become strangely comforting to Kurt Wagner.

He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching you knead dough with surprising finesse for someone who could lift a priceless artifact from a guarded vault without breaking a sweat. You hadn't even noticed him yet. You were in your own little world it seemed.

Gambit, ever the charmer, had introduced you to the X-Men as a "distant cousin" from New Orleans with a knack for "acquiring rare finds." Professor X, ever the pragmatist, saw the potential in your unique ability to manipulate probability, making you an invaluable asset for training the team. But over time, Kurt had discovered you were more than just a valuable asset.

You possessed a dry wit that rivaled Logan's, a fierce protectiveness that mirrored Ororo's, and a surprising talent for pastry. Your μπεκλαβές (mezeklaves), a flaky Greek cheese pie, had become a favorite amongst the X-Men, even the health-conscious ones (though they wouldn't admit it).

Tonight, however, the kitchen was empty except for you. Kurt, ever the teleporter with a conscience, decided to make his presence known with a gentle, "Guten Abend."

You whirled around, a dusting of flour on your cheek, a playful smile tugging at your lips. "Kurt! Ya scared the bejeezus outta me." Your voice was laced with an accent similar to Gambit's, which Kurt found endearing.

Kurt chuckled, a low rumble that seemed to emanate from the shadows themselves. "Apologies, Meine Freund. I did not mean to startle you." He bamfed beside you, the brimstone scent that clung to him momentarily overwhelmed by the aroma of butter and sugar.

"No harm done," you said, patting some flour off your apron. "Just surprised to see you here. Thought you preferred the… darker corners."

"There is a certain charm to moonlight," Kurt admitted, "but the company is even more delightful."

Your smile faltered slightly, a flicker of surprise in your eyes. "Are you… complimentin' me, fuzzy elf?"

"Only stating a fact," Kurt replied, his own blue fur dusting a faint pink. "You bring a certain… warmth to the kitchen. A welcome change from the usual… chaos."

Your smile returned, wider this time. "Well, someone has to keep Remy in line," you said, a playful jab at your honorary brother. "Though between you and me, I'm the better cook. Jus' don't tell him that."

Their conversation flowed easily, filled with shared stories and laughter. As the night deepened, Kurt found himself lingering longer, captivated by the way your mischievous glint sort of mirrored Remy's in your eyes. When you finally stretched, a hint of weariness in your movements, Kurt surprised himself by blurting out, "Perhaps you would… care to join me for a walk… under the actual moonlight, I mean."

You raised an eyebrow, a playful glint in your eyes. "Just the moonlight, huh, Kurt? No shadows, no surprise teleports to some forgotten realm?"

Kurt felt a familiar warmth creep up his neck. "Only… pleasant company, my friend. I assure you."

You considered him for a moment, then a slow smile spread across your face. "Alright, Kurt. But if you try anythin', I won't hesitate to manipulate the odds and send you tumblin' into a vat of flour."

A teasing glint flickered in your eyes, and Kurt couldn't help but grin back. "A vat of flour, you say? Sounds like a messy proposition. Perhaps a stroll on the balcony would be a safer choice?" He gestured towards the large glass doors leading outside, moonlight already casting an ethereal glow on the patio furniture.

You dusted a stray bit of flour off your shoulder, your gaze lingering on him for a beat longer than necessary. "Maybe you're right, fuzzy elf. Sides, I wouldn't want to risk ruinin' these." You gestured towards a fragrant pan of pastries cooling on the counter. "Remy's been braggin' about my skills to Stormy all week. Gotta keep up appearances, right?"

Kurt chuckled, a warmth blooming in his chest. "Storm wouldn't dare challenge your culinary prowess, even with Remy vouching for her. But perhaps I could offer a different kind of challenge on our walk?"

You quirked an eyebrow, a playful challenge in your voice. "Oh yeah? And what kind of challenge might that be, Nightcrawler?"

Kurt leaned closer, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "How about a test of your probability manipulation skills? We could see who can find the most… interesting object under the moonlight."

A slow smile spread across your face, the mischievous glint in your eyes mirroring his own. "Now that's a challenge I can get behind. Just don't come cryin' to me if you end up teleporting into the Danger Room by accident."

Kurt threw his head back and laughed, the sound echoing through the quiet kitchen. "Never underestimate Kurt Wagner, Schatz. Let's just say, I have a certain… affinity for finding unexpected things."

With a playful wink, you grabbed a clean dish towel and wiped your hands. "Alright then, furball. Lead the way. But be warned, I have a knack for finding trouble… and sometimes, trouble finds me."

Kurt offered you his arm, a genuine smile playing on his lips. "Then perhaps tonight, trouble will find something delightful instead."

Together, you stepped out onto the moonlit balcony, the promise of a playful competition and a blossoming connection hanging heavy in the cool night air.

[t-horn-n]

— clean up crew

PAIRING: miguel o’hara x reader (gender-neutral)

GENRE: hurt/comfort

SUMMARY: he thinks that you take too many risks on missions.  you think he’s a hypocrite.

“I don’t think you’re listening to me, Miguel,” you berate.

Your anger feels like a vat of boiling water beneath your rib cage.

“No, you’re not listening to me,” Miguel retorts.  “If you were, we wouldn’t still be talking about this, thirty minutes later.”  His voice sounds pinched and low.  

It’s at times like these that you think it would be much more simple if you just hated him.  If you could take all of the things you felt about Miguel O’Hara and exchange them for that single-minded five letter word.

“You’re only listening to me enough to argue with me,” you insist.

“But how many times have we fought about this, querida?  You’re always the one to start it.”  

You stand between him and the door to his office in the Spider-Society’s headquarters, so he focuses on a holographic dot map of reported anomalies.  He never likes to sit still when you fight.  At work, he pretends to swipe through reports or analyze charts.  At home, he’ll get up to fix himself a mug of decaffeinated coffee or clean the dishes in the sink or fold the laundry you left on the kitchen table.  You’re often arguing with his back.  You try very hard not to resent that, or rather, not to resent him.

“I would drop it if you would just listen to me.”  It’s mortifying that your voice shakes when you’re angry.

He thinks that you take too many risks on missions.  You think he’s a hypocrite.

“I have,” he says, exasperated.  “But this is the third time this month that you’ve gotten injured—”

“Bruises don’t count, Miguel.”

“Let me finish,” he warns.  “You sprained your wrist two weeks ago.  The month before that you pulled a muscle in your neck.  In May you dislocated your shoulder.  Last year you were out for three months when you fractured your collarbone.  You throw yourself around like you’re unbreakable.” 

“Oh yeah?” you hiss.  “What about you?  You flung yourself into that collapsing building on Tuesday.” 

“And you notice that I am unhurt.” 

“Right.”  You roll your eyes.  “Because you’re just so perfect, boss.  The strongest.  The smartest.”

His shoulders tense. 

“I’m worried that one day you’ll break and they won’t be able to fix you,” he tells you.  “If I did what was good for you, I’d send you to the clean up crew.” 

Your face heats.  That’s mean, you both know it.  It makes you want to be meaner.

“Oh, because you always know what’s best for everyone?  Honey, don’t you think you’ve let all this power go to your head?” 

“No, I—”

“‘Clean up crew.’  Sometimes you’re such a goddamn asshole, Miguel.  Remember when that Vulture got away on Earth-1014 and totaled a neighborhood because the team was across town taking care of a bank robbery?  That was your call.  And when Hobie broke his arm?  That was thanks to your directions.  The reason why—”

As if you were doused with ice water, you stopped talking.

“Go on,” Miguel says, but it’s more tragic than heated.  When he looks at you, his eyes are glassy.

You clench your fists such that you can feel the prick of your fingernails against your palm.  

Clean up crew.  God.  

“I’m done with this conversation.”  And then you’re out the door.

He’s already at home sitting at the kitchen island when you open the door.  Something anxious has been festering beneath your skin for the past three hours and it’s still there, simmering, as you kick off your shoes, taking your time to put them on the shoe rack.  Then you grab a Dr. Pepper from the fridge and crack it open before leaning across the island towards him.  

A plate of the leftover lasagna from Olive Garden sits in front of him.  He looks at you now.  You’ve got a feeling that you appear as tired as he does.

“I’m sorry,” you say.  “I was cruel.  You’re right and I’m sorry.” 

Miguel blinks at you over red sauce and ricotta cheese.

“I—” he starts.  He looks down and drags his fork through noodle.  You notice that he’s got a speck of something at the corner of his lips.  “I do regret the neighborhood on 1014.  And Hobie’s arm.  I regret it most when I’m watching you get carted off to treat another injury.” 

“I know,” you reply.  “And, God, no one blames you for 1014, and Hobie only likes to give you a hard time.  I’m sorry.” 

“I shouldn’t have said I would send you to the clean up crew.” 

“No, probably not.  But I shouldn’t have called you an asshole.” 

He nods, slowly, and your shoulders relax.  

“We’ll talk more after you eat,” says Miguel.

“Alright.”

— m. list

[glowinthedarkjellyfish]

So this is not the first actual one shot/fic i thought I’d lost on here but I’ve been stalking @aangelinakii and on their JL master lost there’s a relationship trope and the bruce x happy go lucky villain, grumpy x sunshine makes me way too happy to think abt so i had to write something.

*Insert pink divider here i have yet to make one and idk how formatting on tumblr works yet so that’s a wip lol*

Bruce who, nicely put, is emotionally constipated. He’s gone through a lot and is reluctant to rely on others to much to often so he’s typically quite closed off, except when it comes to adopting orphans, he loves that and does it 24/7 it’s a side hustle at this point.

So when a new villain/anti-hero/criminal fighting crime, call it what you want, appears in Gotham he’s interested.

Joker has somehow, been in Arkham for more than 3 weeks so his days have been a tad bit quieter.

Only a tad though this is still Gotham.

The broody man decides to check out the new girl on the metaphorical block, see what he’s dealing with, should she go to Arkham, does she just need to go to prison for a couple of months.

He just wants to know what the best plan of action is so he goes out into the night and well he looks for her.

You had always loved bright colours. Anything colourful could make you smile. Literally if you see a pet shop and there is a bright pink car collar, you’d smile.

That was just the kind of person you were. Happy go lucky described you best. Not always a social butterfly, sometimes crowds were too much but hey, you did what you could to keep smiling.

The world has too much hurt and despair in it for you to spend your days moping around wishing things would change. They might never, at least not for you, but you could change things for others.

Kindness was free after all and let’s be honest, giving a simple smile is probably definitely a lot safer in Gotham than threatening someone for the last pack of toothpaste.

Despite your positive attitude on everything life had to throw at you you were need up a villain. It wasn’t really your fault, I mean it kind of was.

But hear me out, your sister, an insanely smart girl who’s working as a Phsycologist in Arkham ends up falling in love with the joker and helps him escape. She also jumps into a vat of acid to prove herself to him. And then the asks you to join her.

What do you do

À. Turn them both in

B. Get a new ident it y and flee

C. Politely decline but stay in touch, you’re still sisters

Or D. Heck yeah girlie count me in.

I mean clearly answer D. Is the most logical.

So you join Harleen, now Harley as she joins the Joker in a life of crime.

But you, you don’t follow them around attacking civilians, well, you do attack civillians but for the better of other.

I know you might be thinking doing something at the expense of other for the good of a small few isn’t worth it. Well it is.

Abusive households can change how you see the world, it change Harley and it change you, and now you want to change the world.

That is a whole lot of change.

Oops

You don’t just go around terrorising people. Yes you have robbed multiple banks, armed but you never intended on killing or hurting anyone, just stealing money from the corporate sharks who make big bucks off of small people and giving it back to those who needed .

So really you didn’t think you were a villain, at least not the kind the big bat bat fought so having him track you down made you feel, certain ways.

You were alone, sitting on the curb outside of a 24/7 corner store, eating some frozen pizza, yes frozen pizza, yes it’s still frozen. You had a bag of caramel and toffees next to you and a nice big milkshake on your other side.

The pizza, still frozen was actually good, everything stuck together and whilst you did love a nice cheesy pizza you also like it when the cheese wouldn’t slide if the pizza bread so frozen was, in your opinion, the best and most efficient way to eat it.

The store owner who when you first met was scared of you now let’s you pick 3 free things for your meal whenever your in the area, got stopped some armed robbers when you were planning on robbing the place but the owner, Lucy bless her doesn’t know. And doesn’t need too. She thinks you were being a good civilian, wich you were you just had some previous intentions, none that included armed robbery just a bag of chips and a drink leaving the store with you without being paid for.

After that Lucy let you keep your drink and chips for free, she didn’t want you to pay after you stopped her from potentially being shot and you felt guilty.

Taking advantage of others isn’t something you like but when you don’t have the money and you’re stealing the cheapest drink and bag of crisps you could find, you didn’t think it was all bad, at least not when you didn’t have any alternate options.

So you decided, upon leaving, you’d rob a bank and give some of the money to Lucy.

Now whenever you rob some place you always make sure to drop by Lucy’s and hand over some dough. She doesn’t keep it sk to herself either, she knows a couple of kids who struggle a bit so she makes sure they can take care of themselves aswell.

So really you thought you were doing a pretty good job. Better than most people at least.

Which is why seeing mr Batman in all of his ever glowering glory, standing right behind you, cape swishing even though there isn’t any wind but oh well, cinematic amirite. Was a shock.

But because you are, well… you, you smiled at him. You swapped your milkshake to where your toffees were and patted the concrete next to you, offering him a seat and then opened up the bag of toffee and caramels and asked if he’d like to share them.

Something told you he’d probably decline your offer if you gave him the pizza, that and you had finished it so you could only really give him the sweeties.

Batman being well, batman was calculating what the best way was to go about this situation.

So he sat, and you talked. Yeah you. He listened, sometimes offering a short couple of words for questions you’d ask him.

So yeah you talked and he… he liked it. You were refreshing, like getting caught in the rain in summer, but not cold rain and not the kind that was too warm that made the atmosphere around you warm and suffocating, stuffy even when you were outside.

No.

You were like fresh rain that danced from the clouds before landing gently on his face, his nose, eyebrows, lips. You were like a soft breeze, when the sun is shining and blazing down on him, making him sweat, making him uncomfortable in his skin you were there, cool, flowing by and easing him.

Making him feel at peace.

He liked how you made him feel at peace he wouldn’t tell you that though.

Your nights started to look like this more often, slowly at first. He didn’t want you to be scared of him, he knew what you did and whilst he didn’t agree either all you methods ahem*holding people at gun point to take all their money or to steal important data*

he admired how much you did for others *following your sister who lowkey went through a major mentyB, using the assets you steal, (through questionable means) to help unfortunate gothamites live better lives* ahem.

So he did his best to entertain you, he’d always let you talk his ear off and after patrol and seeing you when he’s back in the cave as bruce Wayne and not the dark night, he’d add some of the charities you’d often speak about to a list that would be sponsored and permanently funded by BW Enterprises.

You didn’t keep up either the news so you didn’t notice but after a year of Batman slowly falling for you and you just happy to sometimes make him smile he asked you a very important question.

He told you that you didn’t need to sustain yourself from the free food Lucy would give you, he told you he wouldn’t stop you from helping the poor, he would heavily advise you to change some methods of persuasion ahem armed robbery and ask you to join him.

Let’s be real, the kids have noticed, Alfred has noticed and the league have noticed.

Batman is still broody

(nonchalant dread head)

He’s still moody and definitely hasn’t gone soft, but he’s more social.

Slightly let’s be real for a second and stop fanfictioning.

He’s not a social butterfly but his time with you wich is like every single night, has made him more open.

By that I mean he actually speaks in multiple sentences. Plural.

Not just short clipped ones.

Obviously with the kids it’s different I mean, he tries his best to be there and because you are younger than him,

(I love me a little Batman age gap w optimistic reader ☺️, not daddy kink though🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️, I call my dad daddy and I hate the sexualisation of what is supposed to be, or what should be for most the most important male figure and role model you have. I know a lot of people have less than ideal relationships with their dads, some don’t have and some wish they didn’t but sexualising the name and the emotional figure that à father represents is disgusting to me, mainly because I love my dad and he alongside my sisters and mum are the most important people in my life but I think he’s my favorite person alive and he’s such a good dad, I’m not biased either, I am so lucky that my dad is my dad, and knowing all he does for my family not because he has to but because he loves us so much and would die for amd kill for us, I get upset when what he represents is just reduced to a kink. Especially when it’s the borderline pdf age gaps and daddy kink like NO. Anyways that was a long rant but I wanted to specify, yes I imagine reader as younger than Batman but like only from 10- 18 like you amd Batman meet when you’re like 25 and let’s just say he’s 39 or smth, like okay, your probably closer to his kids age maybe idk idk the canon ages but it’s not a toxic/groomy age gap.)

Anyways, because you are younger than him, he’s gotten exposed to a lot of memes and pop culture references, he’ll you’ve even tooken him to the pictures to watch a film you’ve been waiting for so he feels like he’s being immersed in a whole new world and all the time spent with you has made it easier for him tj connect and reach out to his kids because you are close ish to Dick and Jason, I think maybe 4-6 ish years older than dick and maybe 6-8+ years than Jason, idk their canon ages sorry (😔) so you kind of open up a whole other way of communication.

That being said, Alfred asks Bruce to make you a more permanent part of his life. He sits him down and tells him

“Chat, is this what being emotionally available for once looks like”

Kidding, obviously but the buzz (butler huzz) knows what’s up, his kids know what’s up. Cass even followed him one night with Jason to investigate.

Jason only went because he knew you were in the area Cass was headed too and wanted to see you.

He did not like it when he saw you either Batman though. But oh well.

So after Batman asks you to join him you either

À. Say no wtf

B. Omg you’ve never said that many words to me before

C. Sorry gang the suzz (sister huzz) and her whacksss boyfriend need me ( I js don’t want to leave her w him)

Or D. Ykw hell yeah, take me away babe

You often pick option D.

And you did again, so you go to where you’re currently hiding out at, Joker escaped recently so Harley was out looking for him so you were on your own currently 😕 I mean, sad lowkey but you had a pet zebra, 2 cats and a baby elephant so you weren’t super lonely.

(You bole them out of a zoo that mistreated them)

Anyways, you went back you your place, took the stuff you really couldn’t live without, your animals, à stuffed animal teddy you’d had since you were a baby and your clogs. Yes as in the wooden shoes, you found them one night dumpster diving and they were quite good for helping your feet’s arches since you couldn’t afford orthopaedic shoes, or insoles.

After you got all your stuff you let Batman whisk you and your pets to his batcave. Melon your elephant was greeted by the smallest, Robin. He was quite guarded around you and insulted your clothes when you first entered, that’s alright, he COULDVE had a bad day and you might’ve reminded him of it. Somehow.

Anyways, he liked Melon, and Martie your zebra also started receiving pets.

This was when you discovered he was Bruce Wayne. You started living with him, slowly your attended galas with him, starting off with ones he would host and after a few more years, maybe 2 or 3 possibly 5 you got together.

You really liked him and although you could tell he had a soft spot for you, you didn’t want to push him too much for something he wasn’t ready for.

So you waited, all the kids loved you, Damian, came around quickly when you told him how you came to acquire your animals, asking you if you knew any other zoos that mistreated their animals so he could help you break in and steal some.

You guys did end up doing that.

He has a crocodile , who by the way has a whole ass lake all by itself okay not all by itself there are some fishes and her baby croc but yeah, no one in the family except you 2 and Bruce really go down to visit, Bruce because he just doesn’t want either of you 2 getting hurt and seeing his son and the woman he loves (shhh he’s not ready emotionally yet) spend quality time together, even though it’s feeding crocodiles warms his heart.

Damian also got a giraffe and a lemur. The giraffe stays with Martie and the Batcow whilst the lemur which you forced him to call Mort stays with him, King Julian was an option but the baby lemur looked so much like mort you couldn’t not call him.

Anyways you slowly but surely earned a place in the hearts of everyone in the family and whilst you had been in his heart the entire time Bruce was finally ready to love you after a couple of years of being hopelessly devoted to youuuu.

In the first couple of years in joining Bruce you joined the league aswell, the other members finding it bizarre how you and Batman fit sk well together, even as only friends but they warmed up to you quickly as they realised it was hard not to love you.

Genuinely though you were such an easy person to like, it’s not that you were basic and had pretty popular opinions that most people could agree on, you made others feel seen, made them feel heard, and that’s what made it hard not to like you, because you’d manage to fit in every little space you could and then fill it up with love for others.

So they understood how even Batman could be seen with the likes of you.

After you and Bruce did start dating it only took you like 3 months to get pregnant. 🧍‍♀️pls don’t look at me through your screens like that.

After mutual pining and years of waiting you and Bruce were like lovesick fools, he was nain my stoic around the league still, sometimes letting his eyes soften to look at you while eyes were on him. At the house he was full smiles, he wouldn’t start a make out sesh in front on the kids, nty! He likes the more heated intimacy to be kept private and so do you, but short, sweet kisses, constant hand holding and smiles however small they may be, we’re slowly becoming permanent parts of him whenever he was around you.

For this I’m imagining Damian as maybe 14, idk I feel like 9 year old Dami and like 25yo reader feeding crocodile together at tree r breaking them out of a zoo would be soo cute.

So when 14yo Damian finds out he’ll have a blood sibling, he’s haopy.

Really happy. He does consider Dick, Todd, Drake and Duke his brothers and he admires Babs, Cass and Steph as sisters but having another sibling who shares part of him is something he wants so bad, and he’s happy his dad js having a child with you, consensually.

I think Tim will be 18, maybe with Duke being 16, Cassie 17 and Steph 19. Jason 20-21 and dick 24 and Babs like 26-7

So these are the ages of the kids I’m imagining just so yall can visualise.

Idk if I’ve like lost myself from the point of the story but yeah.

So they all love Bruce being in love and whilst he started out as grumpy and oth his sunshine gf they were all able to see him develop, in a healthy way.

So yeah he isn’t really grumpy x sunshine anymore. Not when you give birth to triplets. 🌝

I feel like he’d be a good dad to triplets. 2 boys and a girl, you guys thought you were having twins and he was hoping for twin girls, so when y out popped out 2 boys and then a girl, he was freaking out but so happy because your the most amazing person on earth and the mother of his kids and wait, he hasn’t married you yet!? that’s okay he’ll ask you to as soon as the babies are asleep, heck he’ll ask y out even if your in the middle of popping one out.

The plus side is, you don’t really plan on more kids so you had one pregnancy and we’re done with it.

Wrong 🙅‍♀️

You had 2 more, both girls but not twins.

So yeah, he evolved from grumpy x sunshine to omg she is everything x does he know how much I love him/ sunshine who thinks she protects him x sunshine protector

Idk how bad this is gang I’m not proof reading jt because it’s long as shit and I’ve been writing for like enough time for my phone to go from 10% to 80 so…

anyways

I think this spiralled from sunshine x grumpy to me just writing how I’d like to see a Batman relationship go so idk 🌝

But I like this so idc

Lmk what yall think if you read it entirely, even if you don’t I like criticism so yeah feel free and erm yeah idk what to write here so yeah…

Also Harley js the ultimate Aunt.

She ends up moving in to Wayne manor because joker dies (🫢😄) he mysteriously fell of a building and 2 girls who looked like sisters were seen before he slipped over the meter tall barrier, after girlie finds out how Jason died….

So know Harley is a single mum and yeah, Bruce isn’t dumb he knows what they did to joker but hey foine shyt and him have only been dating for a couple of months and she just got pregnant so maybe she was feeling extra emotional about what happened to Jason and hey, he isn’t about to throw girlie into prison, not when he can’t actually prove she did anything. So yeah

Joker mysteriously dies and Harley moves into the Wayne manor, so that she can raise her baby alongside its future cousins. Does Harley not have a daughter or am I making shit up? 🤔 I can’t remember but let’s just say she does.

So yeah Harley is the ultimate aunt and mainly spends her days helping Alfred since well, she can’t really go back to work currently, Lucy is like the only person who will hire her so 🧍‍♀️.

Yeah

[sarnai4]

The Real Deal

The Penguins of Madagascar is a great show for many reasons, but I feel like one is very underrated. Despite being a comedy, it has good villains. I have seen series where the comedy becomes a bigger part, so villains are written as playful obstacles or too silly to really be taken seriously. That does not happen here.

Hans is a villain who not only acts as an antagonist for the show, but he also connects to Skipper's past, adding new layers to the already mysterious nature of the Denmark incident. Because of whatever happened, Hans is that type of villain who won't kill the heroes. He even mentions how he didn't want to fry Skipper in a real volcano. He just wants to make him miserable. These villains are so dangerous because death isn't their goal. In a sense, torture is.

Dr. Blowhole is on the other end of this. He makes it very clear that he wants Skipper dead. Between making him even "most importantly" forget how to swim (as he falls into the ocean, mind you), this dolphin has a penguin-seeking middle. He has plans to make the world suffer for his pain and will destroy anyone in his path.

Rat King is a surprisingly fun villain to me. He easily could have just been the dumb jock kind of enemy who's basically an older version of a high school bully. Despite that, he's pretty clever too, shown when he hustled the penguins out of their habitat. He's also way more ruthless than I gave him credit for being. He had a vat of acid somehow and was going to use it to kill them.

Kuchikukan was not a villain I ever expected to see in the series. Evil spirits weren't on my radar, but this is probably the only time I won't complain about their presence. He was so much fun! He mastered the combination of "light-hearted jokester who messes with the mere mortals" and "all-powerful being who can and will destroy the Earth." That's not an easy balance to strike. It's such a great time to watch him go from an almost laughable threat due to his host body, then show how much he can still do. By the time the episode is over, I know why he was able to destroy a world inside of a cheese loaf.

Blue Hen was a nice way to give the penguins a psychological threat. She knew how to come after them where it mattered most. Go after Kowalski's obsession with science and go after Skipper's position as leader. It's a shame that she only was in season 3 because it would have been fun to see what else she did with more time.

Last, but certainly not least, X. Just X because he's been an animal control officer, zookeeper, exterminator, fishmonger, storekeeper, and unemployed. Of them all, he is my favorite. I love this character so much. He's also got something going for him that I feel is unique to him. You can see the downward spiral of X throughout each episode he's in. Gradually, he becomes more and more unhinged. It makes sense that he's one of the only human villains because he's so competent that he doesn't even need to know what the penguins are saying in order to stop them from doing everything they want. He just was the pinnacle of competency to the point of even freaking Skipper out because he kept failing against him in the zookeeper episode. Through it all, we see X go from this super officer of animal control, then more and more, he loses it because of the penguins. He even gets a cameo in an episode where he's just throwing chopsticks of a poster with the penguins on it and is later shown to have bowling pins painted as penguins. I almost feel bad for him since he really did want to just do his job, but there comes a point when you have to relinquish your obsessions and he's an example of why.

The other villains were also fun to me, but these were my favorites. PoM didn't have to try hard with its villains, but they still did and I really appreciate that.

[joe-spookyy]

saw traps in order and whether or not i would survive them

saw iii

classroom trap - jesus fuck. i think i might just die here. like. i probably Could. but i don’t know if i would even have the willpower? like i feel like i would rather just explode. survivability 2/10.

angel trap - yeah i’m getting out of here. i’m no bitch, and i would dunk my hand in that jar real quick and speedy like, and then get right to work on the lock. i could hype myself up real quick, and honestly, i feel confident that i could shake off the acid and not even cause that much damage to my hand. survivability 9/10.

shotgun collar - i am not a doctor. so this is a little iffy. but i honestly feel like i might actually be able to pull this off without getting shot by that thing. i will manually make his heart beat beat. i’ll give that nasty old man mouth to mouth for as long as i have to, and then i’ll brush my teeth for seventeen minutes straight to get the taste out. i also think i could do a good enough diy lobotomy that the pressure on his brain would let up at least a little. i think with that he would survive long enough for jeff to get through his traps, but if that’s looking iffy, i have a backup plan. i’m seducing amanda and i’m going to get her to let me out of the collar. we’re most certainly getting yuriful in there just for fun no matter what, so i might as well weaponize it. backup plan three i also think i could take the collar off without detonating it. cant be that hard. i have a small head. also, i’m not letting amanda shoot me at the end because again, she would be in love with me by now. all things considered, survivability 8/10.

jeff’s box - yeah i’m breaking out of here no problemo. does this even count as a trap? i don’t really care. survivability 10/10.

the freezer room - i’m wiggling out of those chains even if i have to dislocate my wrists. but also i think i would be able to convince jeff to let me out a lot quicker. i’m pretty tolerant to the cold, and also my beautiful nude body would be so attractive to jeff that he would forgive me for not stopping his son from dying and set me free. survivability 8/10. as jeff, there’s no real threat to me here. i’m saving her and getting out just fine. survivability 10/10.

the pig vat - WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!!! OH MY GOD. this shit is fucking foul. i just heated up my grilled cheese and this is what you show me. i mean obviously jeff chose kindness and let him out eventually but jesus. i’d probably kill myself afterwards out of disgust. survivability 7/10 (considering the suicide probability) but i would never eat meat again. as jeff i’m letting him out way quicker, having a little bit of a hard time putting my hand in the goop, but ultimately escaping with both of our lives. survivability 10/10.

the rack - OW! OW! OW! jesus FUCK! they are not playing with these nasty ass traps! i would not survive this. what the fuck. my head and limbs are so getting ripped off. fuck my stupid life. 0/10 survivability. as jeff i’m fine. lickety spit i’m pulling the key off with my head far out of the way. 9/10 survivability (just in case i somehow fumble and get shot.)

eric matthews bathroom trap - yeah he seemed to have an easy enough time of it and i’m way smarter than him. it was clearly way easier than the initial bathroom trap. and i wouldn’t beat up amanda or be a cunt about all of it because i’m niceys, so therefore she wouldn’t kick my stump leg and leave me to die. 8/10 survivability.

jeff’s final test: i’m nice so i would not kill him and thus would not be trapped to die. i would leave and call the police so they would arrest him. i’m not stupid. survivability 10/10.

overall film survivability considering 9 traps (but 12 individual people’s chances when put through said traps) 7.5/10. nasty ass movie and nasty ass traps but i’m built different.

[weizhentian]

Iron Warriors Olympics

They get their name from planet Olympia, of course.

Different warbands send representatives to compete. Idk if it's exclusively Space Marines or if we get Beastmen.

Winners get lots of olive oil.

Let's have them all compete naked just like the good old days.

The host planet will often tear town an entire city to build an arena that will only be used for the Iron Olympics once and never used again, displacing millions.

Iron Warriors worlds are not known for being cheerful places. Mostly likely the games are hosted in a miserable crap sack like Medrengard where the food and atmosphere suck.

Attendees will complain but they're a captive audience, in a sense.

Smart teams will pack meals for the entire event in case the local food sucks.

Iron Warriors engineers are perfectly capable of creating beds sturdy enough for Iron Warriors to have sex on, but hosts can and will provide flimsy anti-sex beds out of spite.

Warband teams will often get booed if their leader is perceived to have acted dishonorably: fleeing when his allies needed him, or pretending to surrender to get his enemies to lower their guard and bypassing through their defenses for a dirty victory.

Actually, if you were a bad host when it was your turn to host the Iron Olympics, your team will get booed too.

If you set a farm world on fire, one that produced the olive oil and goat cheese Iron Warriors crave, you will catch heat as well.

Rival teams may even send professional booers to jeer at teams whose leaders are perceived as dishonorable.

Wealthy attendees are liable to get kidnapped and assassinated.

Sometimes the teams of dishonorable warbands get stuck in comical booby traps and are unable to compete.

Like being kidnapped by fake security guards and held in a colorful "baby jail", being made to jump through bureaucratic hoops to pass through security.

Or falling into a vat of goo.

There's a booby trap threat every year. Sure, the Iron Olympics security team sweeps the arena for spiked pits, weakened support beams, and acid traps but nobody's perfect.

Can't rule out warp entities causing mischief at the games.

Sometimes the shooting champion will straight up point a gun into the audience and kill someone, even if it means being disqualified.

It may be legal to kill your opponent in sports like fencing.

So much drama about contestants having unfair advantages due to Chaos mutations and bionics. It's bad form to cause a fuss when your opponent has prosthetics for lost body parts, though.

All those Iron Warriors are on performance-enhancing drugs anyhow so there's no way to enforce a drug policy. Unless they must commit to sobriety for a month before the games.

[delinquentbookworm]

thoughts about Henry and Mercedes, after episode 47

thinking about Henry and Mercedes leaving their home, their entire plane of existence, to go and do their best to care for the people that their sons sacrificed and left for dead. the absolute hell they must have gone through to establish a point of safety and peace in all that chaos and violence. it's a terrifying world of cannibalism and memory stealing and various factions struggling for power, but even so, they wouldn't hide Oakvale. if they did then the people looking for help wouldn't be able to find them. so they're exposed and vulnerable and every time a group of attackers comes along looking to hurt them or exploit them, the first thing Henry and Mercedes do is try to make peace. try to offer them shelter, ask them if they really want to be enacting all this violence. and sometimes that works! and sometimes it doesn't.

Henry stewarding Oakvale and being terrified of turning into Barry. being terrified that he might be slipping without realizing it, he could be falling under the Doodler's influence. is he encouraging the villagers to idolize him? is this a cult? he fuckin hopes not, but would he even be aware of it if he was? he's seen the way people act in this world, so convinced that what they're doing is totally normal, even as they tear someone limb from limb, even as they're pushing other people into vats of molten cheese.

Mercedes leaving her life behind and taking up arms, learning how to kill to defend her people. she gets good at it. really good at it. they both wonder if this is the doodler too, if she's being changed, if she's starting to enjoy it. Henry assuring her that this isn't her responsibility, she doesn't have to do this. Mercedes getting fuckin pissed off whenever he suggests that she isn't just as responsible, as if Lark and Sparrow aren't her sons as well, as if she doesn't have just as big a role in everything that happened.

occasionally, they get phone calls from back home, and it's never anything good. Ron calls them to let them know that Darryl died. then a call from Terry Jr, Ron disappeared and they think he drowned. Henry agonizes about whether or not he can justify going to their funerals. Henry normally doesn't leave Oakvale, doesn't like leaving it undefended, doesn't trust Barry on his own, even with the bracelets (they had to move the bracelets from his ear to his hand after they caught him trying to cut his ear lobe off to get rid of them). but just one day back home would be minutes in this world. surely that's okay. surely he can make that exception to go say goodbye to his friends.

both times, he's terrified that he's going to come back to ruin and devastation. both times he feels incredibly guilty to be able to leave, to be able to take a day off, when billions of others can't. both times he gives flowers grown on the world that Darryl and Ron were born on, before code purple swapped everything round. both times, Glenn offers him a joint, asks to at least get a drink together before he runs back to the old world. both times, Henry declines and disappears before he can get too comfortable, before he can be tempted by the safety and the calm, before he can be convinced to stay

in the present day, Lark and Sparrow didn't seem surprised that Mercedes had passed away. they already knew. so Henry must have called to tell them at the time. were Lark and Sparrow expecting it, did they see it coming? how long had it been for them, since they'd last seen her? how long had it been for Mercedes, how long had she gone without seeing her beautiful boys, before she died?

thinking about Henry without his wife, without his friends, without his sons, caring for a village full of traumatized and terrified people, the only family he has left is his abusive father, living in a world that is constantly trying to destroy everything he's built, and the fuckin emotional fortitude it must take to still, after all that, offer the Doodler a cup of chamomile tea.

[artist-named-chris]

Batman & Joker: A Talk in the Rain

A tale from my DC Alt. Universe

After foiling his latest scheme, Batman apprehends the Joker and remains with him until the police arrive to take him back to Arkham. The Joker is his usually chatty self, and the conversation takes an existential turn.

JOKER: You know, I’m really not that bad of a guy. I mean, considering everything you’ve done to me, I could be a lot worse. Just put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Dropping someone into a vat of chemicals? That’s not something most people can get over.

(Batman remains stoically silent, refusing to give the Joker even a crumb of attention.)

Some folks would come out of that swingin’, and yes, I have been… tempted. However, at the end of the day though, I’m not out to kill anyone. Well, except for you, but that goes without saying, right? What kind of adversary would I be if I didn’t spend every waking moment of my life dreaming of how I could utterly annihilate you!

BATMAN: (bluntly) Get to the punchline.

JOKER: The punchline is that, for as much as you might hate me, and as much I absolutely hate you… things… things could be worse.

BATMAN: ...I suppose they could be.

(The two men sit in contemplation before the Joker once again breaks the silence.)

JOKER: Have you ever wondered where we would be right now if certain things hadn’t led to… well, certain other things? Heck, we could’ve been normal. We could have become the men we always wanted to be, you know, back when we were kids?

(Batman is shaken slightly at the mention of his childhood. He struggles to recall a time when he didn't want to be Batman, or at the very least, some version of him.)

JOKER: Just like me, I always wanted to be an astronaut. Ha! Can you imagine? Me, up in space, planting flags and collecting moon cheese! What a riot! Ha ha ha!

Of course, it was hard enough for mom to afford groceries, let alone space camp or a decent education. After all, standing on the corner and turning tricks isn't exactly a six-figure job.

 

Being a criminal, however, felt entirely natural. I didn't need some self-important egghead to teach me how to steal or lie or cheat. I just did. I just… was.

BATMAN: And now you're here.

JOKER: Yes, now I'm here.

(The Joker gazes at his reflection in a puddle on the ground. For the briefest moment, his eyes glimmer with a flicker of honesty as he questions himself, “Could this all really be my fault? Am I truly to blame for how my life has gone off the rails?” The moment passes, and he dismisses any introspection with a dry chuckle.)

But you're right here with me, which begs the question, what did you wanna be before you donned your gray long johns and leaped across rooftops in a single bound? Before you discovered your true calling of pushing would-be criminal masterminds into toxic goo?

(Batman remains silent, unsure whether he should answer the Joker's question. On one hand, the last thing he wants to do is indulge the villain and his warped sense of humor. On the other hand, there's something in the Joker's body language. His smile appears even more forced than usual, conveying a sense of sincerity. Despite all his eccentricities, the Joker is, after all, just a man.)

JOKER: Oh, come on, Bat-Brain! I told you mine! The least you could do is get off your high horse for one second and—

(The Joker is abruptly interrupted by the distant wail of approaching police sirens.)

JOKER: Well, it doesn't matter anyway. My ride's here.

(Batman stands, leaving the Joker for the Commissioner and his men. Before vanishing into the shadows, he pauses and, without looking back at the clown, speaks.)

JOKER: What?

BATMAN: A doctor.

BATMAN: I wanted to be a doctor.

JOKER: (chuckling) A doctor, huh? Heh, you know, that reminds me of a joke. Y’see, this guy walks into...

(The Joker turns his head for just a second and by the time he looks back, Batman has disappeared.)

JOKER: Oh well, I'll tell him later.

[risetherivermoon]

incoming dndads !!ep46 spoilers!!! & long rant!!

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fuck man- hermie only lived for a lil while and it was mostly terrible- im...fuck dont talk to me, im so sad over this, in mourning actually-

like oh my god he was only 2!!! his life consisted of both of his dads not wanting him, his life being a lie, his existence being a joke, his adopted parents not understanding him at all, his friends ignoring him, he fell into a vat of boiling cheese- BITCH HE NEVER GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHO HERMIE IS HE NEVER GOT TO LEARN THAT HE CAN JUST BE HERMIE FUcfkfkkcklk

imo, hermie has had feelings for normal for a while, which is why he decided to go to the dance with him and make up a random reason for it (being that he's trying to romance scary) because he's scared of his own genuine feelings for people and so he's hiding them by acting and pushing norm away, especially when normal confesses his own feelings for hermie, so when he realizes 'oh shit...im actually gonna die,' he ofc wants it to be dramatic, but as he's about to say it he fucks it up, doesn't say a one-liner like he wants to, and instead confesses his feelings to normal,

i love hermie sm, i hope hes alright somehow

[therighthandofvengeance]

Ivanova: Sheridan reminds me of grilled cheese—

Franklin: he’s cheesy?

Garibaldi: you find his simplicity comforting?

Ivanova: no, I just think it’d be good for him to be dunked in a vat of tomato soup.

[pixeldiaries]

BG3 Honour Mode Act 1 Route

I am currently playing Honour Mode in Baldur's Gate 3 and I wanted to start adding notes/guides to help others through it if they need it. Honour Mode is the new difficulty in Baldur's Gate 3 that's just above Tactician, and you only get one save file. So if you TPK (total party kill) it really is game over.

I haven't completed it yet, but I'm finding it surprisingly not difficult. However, I did a lot of planning. The first act is supposedly the most difficult. I'll add and update with more encounters as I go along.

I'm playing a custom character (Tav), as a moon druid. This is a guide for a Good/neutral aligned run.

Continue reading for the Level 1 to 4 Guide. FULL SPOILERS ahead.

Nautiloid:

pick up all the cartilogenous chests in the first room

rescue US

Free Shadowheart

kill the cultist thralls (for XP), either use the console or fight them

loot everything (you will need the gold)

there is a pink nautiloid explody vat by Shadowheart. Pick this up.

prepare the Command spell on Shadowheart before the Cambion encounter. I replaced Shield of Faith.

drop the chests you picked up in the door way right before the last sphincter. If you can't move past them, neither can the extra cambions. This will buy you time to kill things and loot the place

collect all the nautiloid explosive vats and the void bulbs

use command on Commander Zhalk. Save your spell slots for command. If you can't get him to drop it, you will have to kill him for the sword.

if he drops it or if he is dead, loot the sword right away and beeline for the helm. Go into party view and MAKE SURE THIS SWORD IS IN TAV'S INVENTORY RIGHT AWAY (just in case you lose your companions at anypoint)

The Crash Site

Save Shadowheart

loot everything. You need at least one set of thieves tools. Disarm kit is a bonus.

skip the intellect devourers by scaling the cliffs on the right.

Save Gale

Save Lae'zel

go back to the ship and kill the Intellect Devourers (xp!)

go find the Harper chest by the beach where Astarion is hanging out

go get ganked by Astarion

get some rest if needed. Switch in Astarion.

go to the Ruined refectory

intimidate or persuade the bandits there. No one gets any cheese.

Do not go into the refectory here. Go around the back, find the hatch to the crypt

read the Book of the Dead to give you inspiration.

fight the dead monks

go get Withers.

go the other crypt and open the trapped sarcophagus. If you don't have a disarm kit, keep 3 of your party outside, position 1 by the sarcophagus, turn on Turn-Based mode, loot the sarcophagus and dash out before the trap goes off. It's a nice spear.

Important tips:

long rest when your health and spell slots are low. Try to be at every major encounter fully rested

loot everything. Find every chest. Sell everything. If you fail survival checks, start digging anyway. You need all the gold.

COLLECT ALL THE EXPLOSIVE things. Put them in your camp traveller chest but loot them. I don't care if you think Barrelmancy is an exploit, this is Honour Mode.

The Emerald Grove

get some rest if needed

kill the rest of the bandits in the refectory for XP. Remember to have an escape route if things go south.

Tip: you can use the door to block attacks, and this way you can concentrate on any enemies that ran into the room.

go to the Emerald Grove, help Aradin, Wyll and Zevlor fight the goblins

do all the Emerald grove stuff

add Wyll to your group

talk to Ethel. Do NOT tell her about your tadpole. She will stay at the Grove and everytime you long rest, her stock replenishes. Suggested purchases: health potions, elixir of hill giant strength

only use gold on potions. Resist the temptation to buy all the dyes like I do

talk to Kagha. DO NOT USE FRIENDS ON KAGHA. Unless you want to trigger the tiefling massacre.

rescue Arabella

talk to Nettie. Loot all the scripts in the library.

Go talk to Alfira. Tell her you will help her write her song, so you get proficiency with a musical instrument. It's a bonus if you don't have a bard in the group, but distracting people will be very helpful.

don't fight the harpies just yet

Go find Sazza and free her (she will make it easier to get past the a goblin checkpoint).

DO NOT GO OUT the Emerald grove. Take the passageway behind the prison, and kill the goblins there for XP. Make sure to keep Sazza hidden in the back.

before you heal/wakeup the unconscious halfling druid there, pickpocket him for a +1 Nature head piece.

get out of the secret passageway. Go scale the cliffs in front of the Emerald Gold entrance. At the top, loot a skeleton for a Guidance neckpiece.

find the spider hole and grab he spider egg sac.

continue down the road and talk to the Absolute cultists. This is important: Try not to fight them. Have them "get revenge" on the owlbear instead.

it's up to you if you want to use the tadpoles or not. Tadpole powers make things a bit easier, but not necessary. Personally I have been resisting them.

go get Scratch

DO NOT talk to the Absolute siblings yet. Wait until you are level 4 for the Owlbear encounter

Blighted Village/Waukeen's Rest

persuade the goblins in Blighted Village to let you pass without a fight.

Rescue Barcus Wroot. Gnomes can't fly well.

If you trigger a fight, focus fire on the head goblin Fezzerk first. Once his health is low, he will beg for his life instead.

Talk to the ogres if you are confident in your persuasion skills or if you are sure you can beat them. At level 3, it's doable but a bit more difficult. You will want to kill them for Lump's intellect headpiece, but you may want them to fight for you instead.

You can find the cellar in the Apothacary shop, loot all the potions and herbs there

optional but tricky depending on your rolls and positioning: go kill the skeletons and talk to the mirror. Go find the Necromancy of Thay. Tav should probably read the book.

head north out of Blighted Village

find an uncommon (green) dagger stuck in some roasting mystery meat.

interrupt the bugbear and ogre in love if you want. It will be a bit of a challenging fight at level 3.

Go below the bridge, to avoid the hyenas/gnolls

Go to the tollhouse and talk to the paladins. Do not fight them.

If you collected the nautiloid explosive vats like I told you to do in the Nautiloid ship, start decorating around the Paladins with them. Two of them beside his desk should do. Do not fight them.

Go get Karlach

go to Waukeen's rest and do all the quests there. You can visit the Zhentarim hideout but be careful, if you fail with the guy keeping guard, he will blow you up. I recommend maybe keeping someone waiting outside.

Goblin Camp/Shattered Sanctum

go talk to the goblins. You can walk around if you are able to persuade the goblins at the first checkpoint

go talk to Volo.

go talk to Crusher. "Persuade" him to kiss your foot. He will go away and sulk alone on the bridge to the entrance

go inside the Shattered Sanctum.

talk to Priestess Gut. She will wait for you in her chambers

Rescue Volo

Rescue Liam

optional: talk to the Priest of Loviatar, Abdirak and get beaten by him. You get a buff.

I do not recommend talking to Dror Ragzlin or Minthara at this point, or attempting to rescue Halsin. If the talks go bad, you will have to fight.

if you still need more XP, you can fight the newborn gnolls on the Risen Road. They should be easy, but be prepared to kill the hyena runner fast, or deal with gnoll adds.

with Lae'zel in your party, you can also visit the Githyanki patrol and talk to Voss. Convince Lae'zel to play along and tell Voss that we'll help them find the "weapon" they seek. You DO NOT want to fight this patrol. They will murder you.

at some point after all this you should hit Level 4.

Owlbear

go to the Owlbear cave and head inside with the siblings

I'd recommend opening the Selune chest first to get the neck piece

go fight the Owlbear. In Honour mode, the Owlbear legendary action is that she will summon her mate so now you get to fight TWO full grown owlbears with the same HP and abilitlies AND the cub.

the siblings will distract the 2nd owlbear ideally.

Stay by the creek, it's a narrow section and doesn't let the owlbears maneouver very well

focus fire one, then the other.

make sure to pick up the owlbear egg and don't kill the cub.

Tip:

always kill one at a time if you can. This will knock enemies off the board, less chances for them to attack you. Even at 1 HP, enemies can cause trouble.

At Level Four you should be ready for most of the more trickier fights. I would recommend being at Level 5 to kill the Spider Matriarch, but all the other boss encounters in the area should be manageable. I'll write up my strat guide for the next post.