#or he has a beard now but he also went and got married and moved to the other side of the country

[oceantornadoo]

ch8 something borrowed something blue (mafia!price x simon's sister!reader)

tw: reader has some body insecurities and a small panic attack. also oral sex. not at the same time lmao

masterlist | next

In the hazy morning of the next day, John moves to get out of bed at his ungodly workout time. Instead of feigning sleep like usual, you grab his shoulder forcefully. He freezes, then turns to look at you as you prop yourself up on an elbow. “Stay.” You murmur, voice gravelly from sleep. “You sure?” He asks, but he’s already sinking back down into the mattress. You nod, then climb on top of him, your head in the crook of his neck like always. “Go back to bed, John.” And he does.

-

The thing is, John wasn’t supposed to marry her. She wasn’t Kyle’s first recommendation, nor second. He had recommended an oil heiress, which his Captain turned down. Next, an Irish mafia princess, also turned down. In fact, his Captain didn’t seem to want to be married at all. Which was fine, if this was a normal life where Kyle hadn’t been nicked off the streets after picking the pockets of a Price man and plopped into the office of John Price, a leader who needed sneaky men with audacity like Kyle. Now, Price was pushing 40 without heirs, and that needed to be solved quickly. The Riley sister was only offered as an offhand comment.

“Christ, sir, if y’re gonna be picky, might as well marry the Riley. Then we’ll have a real shitshow on our hands.” Instead of answering, John leaned back in his office chair and stroked his beard, like a villain from a movie. “She single?” If Kyle wasn’t better trained, his mouth would’ve dropped. But he was Head of Security for a reason, so all he did was hand his boss her file. 

Kyle didn’t like the Rileys - specifically, John MacTavish. The bastard was always trying to one up him, with new toys on the streets and the threat of bombs lurking around every corner. He knew MacTavish was close with Ghost’s sister, having seen the two giggle, thick as thieves, at galas and weddings. If he was a stupider man, he’dve sensed an affair, but he knew she wasn’t Tav’s type. It was a well-kept secret, but Kyle kept it as well as his own. There were some lines you didn’t cross, even in this business.

Price flipped through the file, frowning at the data before him. “Ghost has had these weapons all this time?” Kyle shakes his head, pointing to a graph in the report. “It only really started when he recruited MacTavish, ‘bout six years ago. An’ my sources tell me the sister’s got a mind f’r business.” Price hums thoughtfully. Kyle knows what, or who, he’s thinking about. Shepherd encroaching on their territory, supplied with weapons from American ex-pats. The streets smell of gunpowder, more and more skirmishes by the day. “Ghost’s tryin’ t’ get cleaner.” It wasn’t a question, but a fact. Kyle’s informants had made him aware of the Riley family trying to buy businesses, only to be turned away when they found out who they were owned by. Price’s businesses for Ghost’s money and weapons. “Might not be the worst trade, sir.” Kyle murmurs. He can’t believe he’s proposing a wedding where he’ll have to see MacTavish on the other side of the aisle. 

-

After said wedding, Kyle started regretting the whole thing. He knows what it is to love a man, to be in love with one, and that’s not what he has with his Captain. It’s more like seeing a big brother leave for college, knowing he’s nearby but out of reach. The plan was to have Mrs. X, as the security team had taken to calling Price’s future wife, live in a property an hour out of the city. Out of harm’s way but easy to visit when baby-making was required. The plan had been developed before they’d decided on a wife for him. It decidedly went out the window once he’d decided on Ms. Riley.

Suddenly she was in the Castle, changing decor and befriending staff. She was meeting with Laswell and had taken Terrance as her own, a change Kyle had not approved of. So, sure, he was a bit of a jerk to her. It was the childish notion that she’d taken his favorite person, and he’d lashed out, only to be reprimanded by said person. Kyle's in toddler timeout, and he's determined to make it right.

-

A few days after the Friday incident, he finds her eating lunch in the kitchen. It seems she’s finally befriended Chef, a feat he could never perform. Chef’s a French grandpa, huffing out syllables that don’t go together under his breath. 

“What’re ya eatin’?” An odd opening, seeing as this is their second conversation ever. He plops down into the chair next to her as she sets down her sandwich, brows furrowed in a question. He can’t blame his Captain; she is pretty. Not his usual type in women, but her wit would attract any man. “Um, a sandwich.” She eventually responds, after getting over the shock of Kyle in her kitchen chair. He probably could’ve been smoother on entry.

“Right, well…” He looks at her and she stares back, like they’re locked in a game. He breaks away first, feeling like he’s lost. Kyle reminds himself he’s not a bloody twelve-year-old. “I liked wha’ you did with the sittin’ room.” That opens her up, a hesitant smile growing on her face. “Really? Those chairs were so uncomfortable, I could barely sit on them for more than five minutes without getting sore.” He huffs in agreement. There’s a reason no one meets in the sitting room. “Ya sure tha’s no’ the only reason you’re sore?” It slips out too easy, a question he’d usually tease one of his men with, not his boss’s wife. Kyle opens his mouth to apologize but is cut off by the sound of her laughter. It’s not manufactured to sound pretty, almost like a snort. “Sorry, I just haven’t heard those kinds of jokes in a while. You remind me of Johnny. Thank you for making me laugh, Kyle.” She seems almost grateful for his presence, and it doesn’t take an idiot to see she’s missing her family. Even if that means getting compared to MacTavish.

“Call me Gaz, ‘s what everyone calls me.” She nods contentedly, reaching for her sandwich to take another bite. The silence is peaceful, interrupted when he remembers why he originally sought her out. Kyle pulls out a report he’s been carrying and sets it near her plate, noting how she sucks in a breath at the title. Protection Plan for Mrs. Price.

“Since y’r openin’ up y’r store, Price wanted me t’ give ya a team. Could’ve done it on my own but I had a feelin’ y’d want to give some input.” She nods thoughtfully, pushing her plate away to focus on the report. It’s a few minutes until she finishes it, diligently reading every page. “I want at least one woman on my team. And I still want freedom, I don’t want to be followed everywhere.” He sucks in a breath at her words, which won’t be possible if Price has anything to say about it.

“Righ’ well, can’t guarantee tha’ second part. Not sure if ya’ve noticed, but London’s an active war zone right now. They’ll be discreet, an’ the lowest amount I can do is four.” She harrumphs, crossing her arms like how his Captain does when he’s upset. It’s eerie how they’re already starting to mirror each other. “Fine, but I want Terrance on it.” Kyle nods, going to stand. 

“Gaz.” She grabs his forearm to get his attention. “I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, but I’d like to be friends. If you’re willing.” He gives her a half smile, ruffling her hair. Kyle doesn’t notice how she freezes at his action, like she’s trapped in a memory. “Only if ya give me the rest of y’r sandwich.” Unfreezing, she laughs and pushes the plate towards him. “Don’t worry, there’s enough to go around.” He winks at her, and heads towards the security room. He might’ve accepted Terrance’s earlier security report, but he’s determined to make it up to his Captain, starting with re-running Phil’s background. Kyle’s got some security tricks up his sleeve, and he’s ready to prove his title to John.

-

The dress fits you like a glove.

It’s a fresh Saturday night, London’s night sky only slightly smoggy. John’s been invited to some benefit for cancer, a philanthropic cause you didn’t even know he supported. So now, you’re in a formal red dress, floor length with a high thigh slit. You stand in front of your vanity and smooth down the satin fabric, ready to slip on your heels. You usually do that step first, but they’re a mile high and you didn’t want to risk slipping on the carpeted dressing room floor. John’s been in the shower, but now he’s buttoning his shirt in the other room. Your dress is unzipped too, requiring a force of nature for the zip to go all the way to the top.

“John, can you help me?” He’s there in an instant, arms circling the length of your waist. “You look so fuckin’ good. Smell fuckin’ delicious.” He noses the crook of your shoulder, breathing in the scent of your perfume. John rubs his hands up and down, smoothing out creases in your dress. “So pretty f’ me, aren’t ya?” All you can do is nod when he’s like this, allowing yourself the precious gift of easy affection. “Can you help me with my heels?” He kisses your exposed collarbone, then squeezes your hip as he goes to find your heels. They’re higher than what you’re used to wearing, putting you closer to eye level with John. He goes to his knees, finding your right leg through the layers of fabric in his way. You got a pedicure the day before, patting yourself on the back as he kisses the top of your foot. “What’s gotten into you? It’s like you're under a spell or something.” He’s quiet as he slips on your shoe, kissing your ankle before setting it back down. John reaches for your other foot in quiet reverence. “Ya look like a princess.” He finally murmurs, having finished with your heels. “You feelin’ ok?” He asks. You shrug. Clearly, you haven’t hidden your nerves well. This is your first official entrance into mafia society as a couple, even if the lines of your relationship are too blurry for you to understand. 

“Let me make ya feel better?” His hands are already tracing your plush skin, parting the slit of your dress. He works his way up efficiently, stopping at the apex of your thighs. “What’s this?” You shrug again, this time with a smirk on your face. “It’s black tie, right?” By black tie, you mean the black lace under your dress. It’s a little piece you found at a boutique lingerie store near the bookstore. There’s a heart cutout in the middle of the front part, right above your slit. John kisses the exposed skin, sucking hard before he pulls away. “Black tie my fuckin’ arse.” You giggle and push your hips forward in a wanting motion. “Weren’t you going to make me feel better?” He goes to work with a single-minded vigor. John pushes the scrap of lace to the side, nearing closer so he can lift your leg onto his shoulder. He doesn’t tease you like usual. Instead, he licks and sucks lewdly, moaning at your wetness. He flicks his tongue against your clit as it hardens at his motions. “Even sweeter down ‘ere.” The low tone of his voice vibrates against your cunt, sending a spark to your core. “She like when I talk to ‘er?” He’s talking to your cunt, you think. It’s hard to hear over the rushing of blood in your ears. All you do is nod, pushing his head closer with your free hand as your other one scrambles for purchase against the wood of your vanity.

“Thought so. So wet, baby, like I’ve been neglectin’ ya. Have I?” You shake your head as he keeps up the pace of his tongue, adding a finger into your hole to up the pressure. “No, no, not neglected.” You cry from near-overstimulation. You can practically feel him smile against your pussy, the scratch of his beard making the coil in your stomach grow tighter and tighter. “Thought so. Yer husband takes care of ya, tha’ righ’?” Your hips cant against his face, almost fucking it. “Yes, yes, John.” He sucks your clit hard, finger pumping in and out. “She’s so close I can fuckin’ taste it. Come for me, go’on.” And you do, pressure rushing out of your core in waves. “Good girl, baby. Knew you could do it.” He tugs your underwear back in place, cleaning up the cum on your thighs with his fingers. You hear him suck them clean, sending another shock to your core.

John stands, wiping his hands off on his slacks. He’s in a full tuxedo and wears a dashing red tie to compliment your dress. You quickly peck him on the lips and pull back before he can ruin your makeup. His beard pulls up in a half-smile, elated that you kissed him first. It’s not hard to tell he loves when you do that, returning his affection of your own volition. “Thank you, Mr. Price. You clean up well yourself.” You tug his tie playfully. “Now zip me up.”

He does it gracefully, fingers brushing your back as he inches the zipper up. You swear this dress is too small as you suck in more and more the higher he zips. Unfortunately, your husband has the power of turning any encouragement into sinful words whispered in your ear. “There we go, tight fit, love. Squeeze in, baby, tha’s a girl. Feel ok?” You can only nod, ribs heavily constrained. It reminds you of your wedding dress, except this time you chose to be trapped.

It’s a whirlwind of a drive as John helps you into the limo and helps you out only minutes later. The gala is at a nearby museum, but etiquette and uncomfortable footwear required you to drive. It’s a grand marble building, like a bigger version of John’s flat. Limos line the outside as people step out of cars dressed to the nines. You do have something to look forward to tonight - your family.

John guides you in with a hand to the back and you’re already escaping his grasp to search for Simon, who promised he was coming. Apparently, philanthropic foundations are great to donate to when you run a gang that needs some tax benefits. You’ve been to a few of these, but a glance at John’s upcoming calendar revealed he donates a lot more than your brother. A new routine to get used to. 

“On your left.” John murmurs, and sure enough, there’s the top of Simon’s blonde head. He’s Mr. Riley at these events, not Ghost. You hold yourself back from running. Instead, you gather your skirts and walk quickly towards him, ignoring how John’s hand slips from your back.

“Hi!” You don’t give Simon a chance to answer, smothering him in a hug. He picks you up at your waist and spins you, a remnant from your few shared childhood memories. “Hi, lovie. Look at you, all dressed up.” He sets you down gently. Simon’s hand brushes your left one, causing you both to glance at the ring on your hand. You catch a slight frown, but it disappears into the collage of scars on his face. “Doin’ ok?” He asks quietly, only at a volume you can hear. You glance back at John, who’s making small talk with Johnny as the two men stand nearby. You turn back to Simon with a small smile on your face, nodding shyly. “It’s goin’ ok.” He drags a hand down in his face in exasperation. “Christ, the way he looks at you, kid. Not somethin’ a brother should be seein’.” You groan, swatting his hand away. “Gross. You’re acting like I don’t have to constantly dodge you and Johnny making out.” You say it in present tense, like it’s a problem you’re still facing. Unperturbed, you grab his hand and make your way to the bar, leaving your dates behind. “C’mon, Si. Let’s catch up.”

-

You must’ve had black magic in that perfume of yours. It’s the only explanation for why John feels like this, like he can’t be untethered from you for more than a minute. He was worried this thing between you, new and delicate, was just lust, but it’s becoming clear it’s much more. It’s the way you immediately sought out your brother, not caring for social niceties. How you challenged him with your argument at the bookstore, fire in your eyes as you protected your livelihood. It’s all rolling into a grand, sticky mess in his heart, weighing heavier and heavier every day.

The gala is full of politicians milling against the backdrop of the London Art Museum. Paintings of old rich geezers surrounded by the bodies of new rich muppets. There’s some people dancing in a slow waltz in the middle of the room, with high tables bracketing the dance floor in a crude outline. He doesn’t think you’ve noticed any of this, content to abandon him high and dry in search of your brother. John exchanges niceties with Johnny MacTavish, then leaves him to find Kate. She’s around here somewhere, schmoozing with potential clients. She may work on retainer for John, but she’s an independent contractor in her own right, always on the lookout for the next big fish. 

He finds her eventually, talking to a MP far from the dance floor near a statue. “Lord Walsh.” John inclines his head at the man, who’s severely shorter than him with a significant bald spot. “Mr. Price. I’m surprised to see you here.” Jon frowns at the insinuation. Kate slowly inches towards John, looking polished in her navy pantsuit. “How so?” There’s danger laced in his words which Lord Walsh takes a few seconds too long to process. “I, well, excuse me.” He exits not-so-gracefully with sweat beads running down his receding hairline. John turns back to Kate, who’s wearing a rare smirk. “What?” She shakes her head, turning to face the crowd. “Sometimes I forget how much of a shark you are. Too used to seeing you surrounded by finery at home.” He snorts, turning with her. 

They both find his wife in the crowd, easy to spot with the shocking red of your dress. You’re throwing your head back in laughter at something Ghost said, giggling like a little kid. John feels a smile growing under his beard. Kate notices too, elbowing him in the side. “We get it, you’re disgustingly infatuated.” He shakes his head, dropping the smile. “‘S not like that.” She snorts, a rare show of emotion, a credit to how long they’ve worked together. “Whatever you say, John. Now let me find new clients before you scare them away.” He nudges her shoulder, content to stay alone as she walks away.

Unfortunately, his newfound solitude is immediately interrupted by a foul-smelling scent. He turns and lo and behold, there’s a phantom at his shoulder. “Lady Walsh.” John takes a step away from her, preventing their shoulders from brushing. “I saw you talking with my brother.” There’s a bite to her voice. It’s reminiscent of the one regrettable night they shared years ago, a night clouded with too much whiskey and not enough forethought. “Exchanging pleasantries.” He can hear her frown from a mile away. 

“Is there something you need?” He bites out when she doesn’t respond. Lady Walsh does this occasionally, finding him at events and trying for a recreation of that lone night. He didn’t consider it then, but he especially doesn’t consider it now. In fact, all he can do is track the sound of your laughter and drown in it, even across the dance floor. Lady Walsh leaves, and John decides to find the bar that you’ve abandoned and bring you a drink.

-

“I miss you, Si.” You mumble after your second martini. He’s found you two a table in the corner, somewhere you can hear each other over the quartet. “I do too, kid. Manchester’s different without ya.” You take a sip of his water, then spit it out when you realize it’s vodka. “Gross! Since when do you drink vodka?” He takes the glass out of your hand and downs it in one sip. “Johnny’s been on a kick. Think he’s been bored since ya left.” There’s immediate regret on his face as you take in his words. “No, love, ‘s not yer fault. There’s been other things happenin’. Nothin’s yer fault.” You nod, swallowing hard. “I think I’m gonna find the bathroom.” He nods worriedly. You push on the table to get up, but he stops you with a soft hand on your shoulder. Simon kisses your forehead, then shoves you towards the bathroom. “Don’t overthink. Go piss.” You snort, swatting his hand away.

In the bathroom, you stop in the mirror to apply your lipstick. A woman exits one of the stalls behind you, going to wash your hands. She’s like the image of your better self, with clearer skin and a figure you’d kill for. It’s the gin speaking, your brain reasons, but that doesn’t stave off any insecurities you’re projecting. Your heart is raw after your conversation with Simon, and this just makes it worse.

“You’re John’s new wife, right?” The mystery woman says as she finishes washing her hands. It shakes you out of your reverie. “Yes. I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.” She purses her lips, now reapplying her blush. “Lady Walsh. I’m not surprised; I don’t think John would’ve mentioned me.” You frown at her insinuation. She takes your silence as acceptance, turning towards you with a feline smile on her lips. “I’m surprised you’re even walking. Lord knows it took me a week to recover from the last night I spent with John.” Your mouth drops. “Anyways, love your dress!” She breezes past you in a whirlwind of soap and perfume, leaving the bathroom gracefully.

You, however, exit in a fit of starts and stops. Your chest aches with the pain of breathing, reminiscent of the panic attack you had in a London garden almost two months ago. That thought makes things worse, blurring your vision. Someone grabs your arm, a warm presence guiding you to a bench in a darkened hallway.

“Sweetheart, you okay?” It’s John.

“No, I- I just need a second.” In the background, you hear people laugh and glasses tinkle. John places a warm hand over your knee, grounding you to the moment. “In an’ out, yeah?” You nod as your breathing slowly calms. It’s just you and him for a second, listening to the sounds of your breath go in and out. “Want some water?” He moves to get up, but you grab his arm before he can. “Stay with me?” You whisper. John sits back down, wrapping that same arm around your waist to pull you closer. 

“Wanna tell me about it?” He kisses the temple of your head, and you stiffen under his touch. The change is noticeable as the air goes cold. “Why haven’t we fucked?” It bursts out of you, almost in anger. John’s shock is clear as day as his arm drops from your waist. “I- why’re you askin’?” His hesitation is not what you wanted to hear. “I talked to your friend in the bathroom. Lady Walsh.” John groans, dragging his hand down his face. “Christ.” You wrap your arms around your waist at the sudden chill between you. John shrugs off his blazer and places it on your shoulders. The scent of it is overwhelming: musk and pine and man.

“She an’ I happened once, years ago. Been followin’ me like a hound ever since.” That makes you feel slightly better, but the conversation brought out a monster you didn’t want to face head-on. Your insecurities over this limbo of a marriage have been haunting you, and now they’ve taken the form of that woman in the bathroom. “You didn’t answer my question.” You murmur. John nudges your shoulder, moving closer when you don’t scoot away. “I didn’t want t’ pressure ya. Could eat ya out every night an’ be the happiest man on earth.” You bark out a laugh. He takes it as a sign to close the distance between you, tucking you under his arm. “What about the kids? The heirs?” You emphasize it with an eye roll. He snorts, pulling you closer. “Ever heard of artificial insemination? Surrogacy? A lot they can do these days.” He talks like he’s a hundred years old and not barely 38. “Why wasn’t that in the contract to begin with?” He’s quiet. “Not sure, actually.” 

“I don’t think I want to do anything sexual for a while.” You eventually whisper. “‘S fine.” John replies. “I want to go to dinner.” You turn to him with a small smile on your face. “Ya want to go’on a date, baby?” You nod. He frowns in that way when he’s upset that he didn’t think of it first. A realization dawns on his face when he understands what you’re asking for. A new start, free from this societal gossip and pressure. John kisses your forehead gently. “Tha’ okay?” You nod like a lovesick teenager, giddy with the thought that he understands you so well. “Dance with me?” He stands and offers you his hand. You take it.

-

“Graves. Report?” The General is half-cloaked in the darkness of his office, eyes glinting through the shadows. “Comin’ along well, sir. Price has given himself a new weakness right when we needed one.” Shepherd hums in agreement. “Don’t fuck this up, Graves. You’re on your last strike.” Phil nods, backing out of the room. He will not mess this up. He can’t afford to.

-

yayyy gaz redeemed himself and we have a plot! i was lowkey getting worried. i hope nothing bad happens...

-

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[whenthegoldrays]

my life is a succession of things that border on interesting but never quite become so

[millershands]

morning person

joel miller x fem!reader || on ao3

tags: no!outbreak, established relationship, lots and lots of fluff, sarah lives but no ellie, joel is a bit self-deprecating at one point but blame it all on his ex-wife, she is also mentioned in a paragraph, joel just deserves to be happy guys :(((

wc: 1.2k

note: this truly came to me by ranting to my twin @lalavenderangel that joel miller would be that old man who wakes up at the ass crack of dawn to drink coffee on his porch. thank you to my twin but also @berryispunk for making sure that this was readable for you all🙂‍↕️

Joel Miller has never really been a morning person. 

Before Sarah was old enough to wake herself up, he practically dragged himself out of bed. He absolutely could not function without a cup of coffee in his system, which still stands true but now he rather savors the flavor than haul it down his throat to wake up and get going.

As the years went by Sarah eventually went to college and found love. Which soon enough led to her starting her own family with their own early mornings. Whilst it hurt him to see his baby girl grow up, he was happy for her. Joel even cried when she announced that she was expecting. Cried even more when the little baby boy arrived.

Lord knows how much Tommy would pester him to settle down with someone “now that Sarah was off to college”. Which really only increased once Joel laid eyes on you that one fateful night in a shitty bar that Tommy dragged him into. You couldn’t have thanked Tommy enough for introducing him to you. Which was by basically pushing Joel towards you, forcing him to make a move.

Whilst he was very rusty at the whole dating thing, you couldn’t have been more infatuated by him. He still had his Miller™ charm despite being a few years out of practice. What really sold the deal for you was seeing the paternal side of him when he was with Sarah. Their shenanigans being so endearing that you couldn’t help but fall in love.

It took a little over two years before you moved in. He blames it on Sarah still being in college at the time and not wanting to upset her by having his girlfriend living with them once she finished school. But in reality it was that Joel didn’t wanna fuck it all up. 

Sarah’s mom and him got married and bought a house basically as soon as the two lines appeared. It was rushed and it ended as soon as it started. Leaving him alone with his little baby girl and the house, that in all reality he bought for them and their future.

He didn’t want that with you.

He wanted to take it slow with you. Learn what makes you tick. What your all time favorite movie is. How you like your coffee in the morning. Make sure that it wasn’t rushed this time. That he could be enough for once. ‘Cause fuck. He’ll be damned if he lost the most perfect woman he’d ever met.

Even though he wanted to wait for you to move in, you practically already lived there. You were paying for an apartment you rarely stepped foot in. Your closet was nearly empty since most of your clothes had already found a home next to his.

You were the one to officially ask him on a late saturday morning, bodies entangled together after your morning escapades. Your head was resting on his chest whilst your fingers softly danced over his patchy beard that you loved so much. Not that it took much convincing for him to agree that it was time. Especially since Sarah moved in with her boyfriend a few weeks earlier.

Living together was easy enough. On days you had work, it was usually 50/50 on who would wake up first. However as the years went by, Joel was the one to wake up first. It may have been his internal clock kicking in after all the years or his body having a pavlovian response of getting caffeine by a certain hour. You however were still in bed for at least an hour more, determined to get your seven hours of sleep before tackling the day.

Eventually you two moved to a quaint little house outside the city, beautiful pieces of empty land surrounding you. The porch out back adorned a little table and two chairs facing out towards the lawn. With said lawn being full of toys, evidence of you being grandparents to a toddler, whose eyes were identical to Joel’s. During the late summer nights you would find yourself in your separate chairs, his guitar in his lap as he softly strummed a soft melody for you.

Now, at nearly six am, he sat in his designated chair on your back porch, a nearly empty cup of black coffee in hand. The sun was set to rise soon, the darkness slowly lifting around him rendering the porchlight unnecessary. After a short while he heard the telltale sound of you opening the sliding door and walking out to him, your own cup of coffee in hand. 

“Morning, darlin’.” He greets as you close the sliding door. His southern drawl ever so present as he looked up at you with a soft smile. You couldn’t help but smile back. The way his face lit up at the mere presence of you, made you all happy and giddy despite having spent a little over a decade together.

“I put on a new pot for us.” Your voice still laced with sleep but affectionate nonetheless. Even though you missed waking up next to him. Seeing him with his, most likely third, cup of coffee waiting for you to wake up, made up for it.

You softly shuffled towards him, sitting down on his lap. Wrapping your arm around his shoulders as you both look out over the growing field in front of you. His calloused hand finding its home on your thigh, unconsciously caressing in a slow and soft movement. You take a sip of your coffee before placing it next to his as you softly speak again.

“Did you talk to Tommy about this weekend? I figured I’d go to the store after work to get the rest.” You turn your head to look down at him only to be met with his soft gaze already on you.

“Yeah, he said he and Maria will be here by six at the very least.” His eyes admiring you as if he doesn’t do it every single day.

“Good.” You lean down to softly kiss him which he doesn’t hesitate to act upon. His thumb softly rubs your thigh in a loving manner, making you softly hum into the kiss in content. Your eyes open as you pull away, meeting his eyes that’s swimming with love for you.

You turn your head back to look out as the sun peeks out from the horizon. Your wedding ring clinking against the porcelain as you pick up your coffee with a dash of milk, Joel’s eyes never leaving your face. 

Fuck, was he lucky to have you.

He managed to not only find a perfect woman but also managed to marry her. What the two of you have is exactly what he wanted, domestic and so full of love. You were even a perfect mother figure to Sarah despite not having a child of your own. You never judged him for anything and you showed actual interest in him. You made him feel loved and appreciated — which you still do, every single day.

His mornings consisted of his left hand holding his coffee cup, stained after years of use. His right hand softly touching you whether it be your thigh or hand, as you either listen to the soft chirps from the small birds in the surrounding trees or the radio softly playing in the background, your favorite channel always on.

Joel Miller may not really have been a morning person. But sitting here with you in his lap, his wife, clad in his warm flannel as both of you watch the sunrise. He realizes that maybe, just maybe, he was a morning person after all.

archive tag: @pedrostories

dividers by: @saradika-graphics

[sjsmith56]

Snowfall, Part 3 - Profile

Summary: Bucky learns more about what Leia is facing, including that the FBI has been brought in. Agreeing to be her bodyguard he moves into her apartment.

Length: 5.6 K

Characters: Bucky, Leia, Pepper, Happy, FBI agent (named).

Warnings: Minors DNI - contains sexual content which may be unsuitable for those under the age of 18, revelation of past trauma, acknowledgement of continuing PTSD issues, disturbing referral to possible identity of stalker.

Author notes: This chapter is peeling back the layers of defence both Leia and Bucky have, revealing past traumas and PTSD issues.

<<Part 2

The following morning saw them sleep in, understandable considering what they did most of the night. Bucky wakened first, watching Leia sleep for a while, until he got up and showered, trimmed his beard, then dressed. Heading to her kitchen, he started up the coffee, then searched her fridge and cupboards for ingredients to make breakfast. Hearing sounds in the bedroom, he went to the door and knocked on it, receiving an invitation to enter. Leia was under the rumpled duvet, awake but in no hurry to get up.

"I wondered where you were," she murmured, as he sat next to her and leaned over to kiss her.

"Making some breakfast," he replied. "I need calories after last night."

"Me too," she purred, stretching. "I've never done that before." He looked at her questioningly. "Be with a man I barely know, yet I feel like I know you so well."

"I feel the same," he smiled. "Even though it's only been a few days, I can't stop thinking about you. My therapist would chew me out for letting an infatuation take over my decision making. That's probably how she would describe it."

"You see a therapist?" There was no judgement in her voice; rather a sense of wanting to understand him more.

He nodded. "For PTSD. I had a different one when I was first pardoned, and we did not mesh well. The one I have now is much more understanding, but I think jumping into a relationship would test that."

"I saw one when I was a kid then again after I split up with my husband," explained Leia. "It was a nasty split that really drew a dividing line in town. There were those who said I should forgive and forget, while others wanted him prosecuted." Bucky waited for more explanation. "He was also a teacher and got involved with a student, who was almost 18. They did charge him with sexual interference with a minor but the moment our divorce was finalized he married her. She wouldn't testify against him, and they stayed the charges. I took back my maiden name to distance myself from him completely."

She drew the bedclothes tighter around her, curling up on her side a little; obviously still affected by the betrayal but not wanting to open up about it, at least not yet. Bucky climbed over her and laid behind her, draping his arm over her mid-section, as he kissed her shoulder. They laid like that for a while, not talking, just existing in the quiet of the moment. She suddenly rolled over, throwing her arm around his shoulder, and burying her face in his neck.

"You smell so good," she murmured. "It's familiar to me and I don't know why."

"I know what you mean. There is a multiverse where our counterparts are supposed to exist." He searched her face. "Perhaps we're together in another universe and the connection is so strong that we feel it here. It's as if we're ...."

"Don't say soulmates," she interrupted. "Say, kindred souls, or heart's desire, instead. Soulmate is so ... Twilight."

He laughed, kissing her affectionately. "Okay, I can do that." He could wake up next to her every morning. "How do you like your eggs?"

"Soft boiled with soldiers," she answered, which made him smile, "but don't go to too much trouble. I'll take whatever you give me."

"Take your time getting ready." He kissed her and slid out the other side of the bed. "By the way, you snore. It's very cute."

She grabbed the loose pillow and threw it at him, laughing. Dodging it, he picked it up and tossed it onto the end of the bed, leaving her to get ready. By the time she came out dressed for the day, he had two soft boiled eggs ready for her, along with toast cut into strips, coffee and a fruit salad made of bananas, strawberries, and blueberries. For himself he had bacon, eggs, and toast. He poured coffee for each of them, then sat down next to her. Putting his arm around her, he kissed her on the side of the head then returned to his meal, both attacking the food readily.

"Thank you," she murmured, after her first bite. "This is wonderful."

He acknowledged it as they ate some more, then he sipped his coffee, not wanting to speak with his mouth full.

"I'll have to pick up more of my clothing," he said, "as well as my cat."

Her face lit up. "You have a cat? What's its name?"

"Alpine," he answered. "She's about a year old, white with blue eyes, and likely deaf. I say likely because it seems like sometimes she can hear me but chooses not to listen." He drank more of his coffee. "Do you think your driver will take us over and bring us back? I don't want to walk around with luggage and the cat supplies. I, uh, also have to go to my storage locker and pick up a weapon or two."

She stopped eating, putting her utensils down on the table. It became very quiet between them as only the sound of her breathing could be heard. The stress in her voice when she did speak was noticeable.

"Is that necessary?"

"I would rather have them than not," he answered, puzzled by her response. "I'm licensed for concealed carry. It would probably be a good idea to teach you to fire a weapon. We can go to a firing range for that."

"No."

"Sweetheart ...."

"No. I won't fire a gun."

"Leia ...."

She stood up and walked away from him, retreating into the living room area, and looking out the window with her arms crossed as if she was hugging herself. By the time Bucky got there, he realized she was crying, and he pulled his handkerchief out for her to use. She looked at it for a moment, then took it and wiped her eyes.

"My little brother was only five years old," she said. "He was so sweet but a pest, loved playing tricks on his big sister." She wavered and Bucky put his hand out to her, but she pushed it away. "My dad had a handgun, and he would let Mikey watch him practice shooting targets. He was supposed to keep it in a locked safe but that day he put it in the nightstand drawer because he needed to get cigarettes. Mom was working. I was writing a story in the kitchen when he left and had just finished when I heard the gun go off."

She sank to the floor, weeping. This time she didn't push Bucky away as he sat with his legs on either side of her, wrapping his arms around her.

"You don't have to say anything," he murmured, realizing why she was upset about Edward mentioning her father. "I understand."

"I have to," she whispered. "I've only ever told my therapist since it happened." She took a shaky breath. "The bullet went into his abdomen. I called 911 right away and they were there within minutes, along with the police, because it was a shooting. I told them it was Dad's gun and that it should have been in the gun safe. Told them how he had stepped out for cigarettes and must have left it in the nightstand where Mikey found it. They sent a unit to find him and located his truck at his girlfriend's house. My dad was cheating on my mom. They asked him about his handgun, where he stored it. He admitted being in a hurry to get out of the house and leaving it in the nightstand. That's when they told him about Mikey. They arrested him and wouldn't let him come to the hospital. My brother died that night and so did any love I ever had for my dad. I was only 12. Mom divorced Dad and we moved to another small town to live with my grandparents. Mikey was cremated and Mom kept the ashes for a long time until I scattered his and her ashes together after she died. I kept writing as part of my therapy when I was a teenager to get over Mikey dying and my dad being a cheating bastard." She wiped her nose. "The next town was a nice place to grow up and I was happy there. Didn't miss my dad at all. He didn't even try to contact us. I met Jake in college, married him and he came back with me, then he cheated on me, just like my dad cheated on my mom. At least we didn't have any kids to find a handgun that was lying around."

"Hey, it's alright," said Bucky, still holding her close. "What happened to you is something that will always be with you. I'm glad you trusted me enough to share that with me." They sat quietly for a time. "I won't force you to use a gun, but I still need to have one. For me, they're a tool. I don't normally carry one or keep one in the apartment because I take gun safety seriously. But, to keep you safe, I'll need one and when I'm not wearing it, I will keep it in a locked gun safe. The other weapon that I use is a knife, kept in an ankle holster that holds two extra magazines for my gun." She stayed very still as he told her. "I'm telling you this upfront because I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I know how to use many weapons, but I don't make a habit of carrying any of them unless I'm on a job. To protect you, I have to have something ready to use. I'm not asking for permission, but I want you to understand why I need them."

She breathed heavily for a time, then slumped a little before turning towards him and leaning into his body. Gently, she touched his face with her fingertips, tracing his lips as he kissed them. Lowering his face closer to hers, he hovered over her lips, then barely touched them with his, feeling the whisper of her breath on his face. With a delicate touch, he kissed her, his lips open but his tongue still in his own mouth, waiting for permission to kiss her more intimately. When she pressed her tongue onto his, Bucky accepted it, allowing her the control. As she shifted to straddle his lap, he leaned back against the wall, then placed his hands at the hem of her top, before sliding them up underneath and splaying his hands around her midsection. Just as he was about to unhook her bra, his phone rang, making him hesitate. It stopped ringing and he continued running his hands up her back. The phone rang again, and she exhaled then shook her head, getting off his lap. Retrieving his phone from the kitchen table she handed it to him and went to the bedroom. He looked at the two missed calls, seeing they were from the same number.

"Barnes here," he said, after he redialed. "You were trying to phone me?"

"Burnham," said the man. "Can you two be ready to be picked up in 20 minutes?"

"Yeah, what's going on?"

"Another letter," he said. "We need Ms. Dunn to explain some of the references. We also need to meet about whether you're joining the team, so you can be read in on what we have."

"I'm in," replied Bucky. "We'll be downstairs waiting. Are you picking us up?"

"Yeah, it will be me. See you soon."

Pocketing his phone he went to the bedroom, expecting to see Leia lying down, but she was making the bed.

"They're picking us up in 20 minutes," he announced. "Another letter has arrived, and they also want to read me in on what they've learned so far." She didn't say anything. "Leia."

"I heard you," she answered a little coldly, putting the finishing touches on the bed.

She approached to go past him, but he put his hand out, taking her hand to stop her.

"Are we good?"

Looking up at him, she smiled wanly.

"You're asking after what we were doing on the floor?" A raised eyebrow was his response, and her face softened. "We're good. I'm sorry I got angry about the gun. Even though it's been almost 20 years since it happened, I still remember the smell of gunpowder in the room, mixed with the smell of his blood. I have PTSD too, but I understand you need to be ready for anything. I'll deal with it."

She hugged him quickly, then moved past him to clean up the breakfast dishes, accepting his help with them. They got down to the lobby seconds before Burnham arrived. On the ride to Manhattan, he watched the couple, noticing a change in their dynamic. Although there was still open affection between them, evident by how they held hands, he detected some tension. Hopefully, it wouldn't affect the assignment.

Their destination, an office in a Midtown building, was accessed by some high-level security that Bucky recognized as Stark technology. Leia was set up as a guest. His access was set up via several different methods, including a voice print, iris scan and retinal scan, redundant in the event security was ever breached.

Welcome Manchurian Candidate read the display on the security panel after the last part of Bucky's inputs, bringing a grunt out of him and a questioning look at Burnham. He shrugged.

"Apparently, Tony Stark had a profile already created for you to join the Avengers after the battle with Thanos. He assigned all code names; that was yours. It's still in the system." The door slid open. "We can change it if you want."

"No, it's fine. I watched the movie he got it from, and it was an apt description of what I once was."

Entering what was definitely a secure area they followed Burnham to a conference room with a display screen on one wall, where Pepper Stark, Happy Hogan, and two other men were waiting. They were introduced to Bucky as John DaSilva and Dan Schultz, the rest of Burnham's team.

"Well, I guess you need an explanation," said Pepper, speaking first. "One of the reasons we suggested Leia move to New York is that she began receiving disturbing letters from a stalker. They knew where she lived and worked and knew her real name as well as other details that a stranger wouldn't have known. We were hoping that relocating here under her pen name would make it harder for them to find her. We don't think Edward is the guy though. He doesn't fit most of the profile."

"You profiled her stalker? That's pretty serious, isn't it?" He realized something and looked at Burnham. "You're not private security."

"No, we're all active FBI agents but that doesn't leave this room." The older man looked at Leia. "Sorry, Ms. Dunn, but it was felt it would be better if we were behaving as private security and not agents on duty. Your relationship with Sergeant Barnes opened up some possibilities for this assignment which is why I agreed about seconding him to be part of the detail. With him being easily recognized, the stalker would likely think twice about making a move."

"I told you last night I'm in a relationship with her. That should disqualify me as a bodyguard."

"Normally, yes." Pepper looked at him earnestly. "But you are a professional, and there is already a level of trust between you that will work to your benefit. We'll arrange for a new apartment in a new neighbourhood for you two to share. What goes on inside of that apartment is your business, but we want to keep Leia safe. She doesn't deserve to be harassed the way she has been. Which brings us back to Edward Ruskin and the latest letter. Agent Burnham."

The agent placed his attention on Bucky. "You spotted Ruskin last night. He shouldn't have even made it in there. Even though he's basically harmless, he got close to her too easily and so could the stalker without us even knowing who he is."

"How did he get in?" asked Bucky. "How do you know for sure that he's not the stalker?"

"He follows Ms. Dunn's official social media that is curated by the publisher. They posted news of the event several weeks ago inviting retailers to come in and meet the newest and hottest authors to boost Christmas sales. He created a fake profile, but it got rejected as they at least did their due diligence there, but he showed up anyway and bribed a server to let him in through the wait staff entry. We compared his writing to the writing in the letters. The handwriting and his style of writing don't match. In the meantime, I think given the level of trust Ms. Dunn has with you, that you and she stay very close together. As Mrs. Stark just said, a new apartment can be arranged for you, with two bedrooms. It will be in a secure building. I will continue to be your driver if you need to go anywhere. You can use a food delivery service that we've vetted to get groceries or takeout."

"I already told you I don't want to be locked up like a bird in a cage," said Leia. "I'm a writer and I need the freedom to go out and observe life. Can't do that if I'm confined to that apartment on the tenth floor. Will this new one be even higher up, taking me even further away from life? Will you have people spying on me from other buildings?"

Bucky put his hand on hers, calming her. "We don't need to move. I know our neighbourhood well and now that I know more about Leia's security needs, I'm more than capable of keeping track of anyone who doesn't belong around her. If you want to be background surveillance, that's fine, but she should continue to live a normal life, going out, buying groceries, having coffee at the coffee shop, etc. To do otherwise isolates her and that can also put her in danger as the stalker might escalate to extreme measures to get to her. If he's really set on it, he'll still find a way to infiltrate where she is." He watched as the others considered his observations. "I would like some help in moving some clothes and my cat into Leia's apartment. Can't exactly walk through the streets of Brooklyn with luggage and a cat carrier without drawing attention."

"Yeah, I'll take you," said the FBI agent. "What about weapons?"

"I have my own, but I need to go to a storage locker for them. I have a licence for concealed carry."

"Well, that saves us having to apply for that on your behalf," remarked Burnham. "I'll provide you with a copy of the letters that have been received so far. We have another that was delivered yesterday but not sorted until last night. I'm not going to show the whole letter, Ms. Dunn, as there are some unsettling scenarios in it but there are two references which concern us, as it indicates a level of familiarity that confirms this person knows you, maybe not personally but they know far too much about you for it to be a coincidence." He opened an iPad and brought up a document, then transferred it to the display screen. Five sentences, handwritten and isolated from two separate sections appeared.

Did you really mourn Mikey? Or was he just another brother you didn't really love and were so eager to abandon?

20 years is a long time to pretend he meant something. He didn't even rate a story in your precious book. None of us did.

Leia gasped, placing her hand over her mouth as she looked at Bucky. He placed his arm around her then glanced at Burnham, wondering about coincidences.

"He's referring to my younger brother." Her voice faltered. "He died almost 20 years ago, after playing with my father's handgun. I wrote about him in therapy for my PTSD, as I'm the one who was home when he was shot. My dad had run out for cigarettes but was really with his mistress."

"That has to be related to the appearance of the letters," said Burnham. "Twenty-year anniversary of your brother's death. What's the exact date?"

"January 2, 2005. One month from now is the anniversary." She shook her head. "Why would he say another pesky brother? I only had one brother, Mikey. He was a pest, always playing tricks on me but I loved him. We always laughed." Her face broke. "Did my dad have a child with his girlfriend?"

"We'll check that out. The shooting and the death of your brother was investigated by police, wasn't it?" She nodded. "We'll get the official file on that."

"The shooting didn't happen in the town she was living in most recently," added Bucky. "You've been looking for someone who once lived or currently lives there. She moved there with her mother after Mikey's death and the divorce from her father. Ruskin mentioned her father as well, so how did he know?"

Burnham's grim face said it all; they were starting back at square one.

"We have to redo the profile," he announced. "Ms. Dunn, we'll need your help verifying the information on that file." He turned to Happy. "Mr. Hogan, would you be able to drive Sergeant Barnes to his apartment to pick up what he needs? We will keep Ms. Dunn here until he's settled at the other apartment. We'll bring her back then." He spread his hands apart, for emphasis. "We'll figure this out."

With the meeting over, the three agents went to acquire a digital copy of the file and prepare to interview Leia about her recollections of her younger brother's death. Before she went with them Bucky held her, then kissed her on top of her head. Pepper waited while Happy went to get his vehicle.

"Leia, I'll stay here with you, but I just want a word with Bucky before he goes," said Pepper. After Leia left, she turned to Bucky. "Is everything alright between you two?"

"It's a little tense as she's uncomfortable around firearms," he said. "Understandably. What did you need to see me about?"

She sighed. "I don't like intruding on people's private lives but what's happened to you?"

"I don't know what you mean." He looked away.

"Yes, you do. You won't even make eye contact with me. Tony would try to baffle me with his bullshit when I asked him uncomfortable questions whereas you detach yourself by looking away or ignoring questions." He huffed a little but impassively looked at her, waiting to be scolded. "Heaven help me from big strong men with PTSD that don't like appearing weak. Bucky, you're a millionaire but you live in a tiny one-bedroom flat. You own one suit, numerous jeans, and T-shirts, barely any furniture, and you're floundering. You rarely stay in contact with Sam and the rest of us seem to be relegated to being ignored. What happened after the Flag Smashers? We all thought you had purpose after that."

He should have been angry at Pepper knowing private details of his life, but she was right; having described him so succinctly. Running his hand through his hair, then squeezing the back of his neck to relieve the tension he felt, he breathed out.

"I thought I could build a new life in Delacroix, but it felt like I was being too dependent on Sam and his family to make me feel good. I came back to Brooklyn to give my notice to the landlord, but I just couldn't do it. It didn't feel right; it felt like running away, so I stayed. Sam's been busy lobbying and recruiting new Avengers. I'm still not comfortable dealing with people." She looked at him in disbelief. "Maybe I have floundered. I admit to feeling alone and lonely, but I wanted to deal with it myself and prove that I could manage." He looked to the door where Leia had left. "Then I met her, and, in just a few days, I feel like I used to, before the war." He shook his head. "She told me about her brother this morning after I mentioned teaching her to fire a gun. We dealt with it. She's not happy about me carrying one but she knows that I need it to protect her."

"So, you're still okay with taking the job, being with her 24/7 until the FBI find out who is stalking her."

"I'll do it because I care about her," he said. "I can compartmentalize the emotional relationship from the professional one. You don't have to pay me. I don't want the money. Donate it to a veteran's charity if you're required by law to compensate me. But don't keep me in the dark about anything that happens."

"Alright." She looked sharply at him. "Are you still in therapy? From what I heard that Dr. Raynor was a real piece of work but she's who the army wanted. I think they harboured a few fantasies about getting you back into a special forces' unit and she was there to prepare you to be a soldier again."

"Instead of the Avengers, like Tony planned?" A flicker of hurt passed across her face. "Sorry. I only found out when Burnham set me up to get inside here and the computer welcomed me as the Manchurian Candidate. It's what he called me before the shit hit the fan in Siberia. It was a pretty accurate description."

She came closer, sitting on the edge of the conference table.

"He struggled after Siberia. He had already been proven wrong when he realized Zemo set you up, then when he found out the Winter Soldier killed his parents it was like everything he believed in was laid to waste. He did a deep dive into the files, including quite a few film and video clips of your treatment. I don't know if he would have ever forgiven you on an emotional level, but intellectually he understood that the real enemy was HYDRA and everyone who kept you in bondage to them. He wanted you to have purpose, and a means to be of service to humanity by offering you a place with the Avengers, working alongside Steve." She smiled sadly. "Then he died, Steve went back to the 1940s and I mourned. I did what I was capable of at the time, which was providing those files for your defence and paying for your lawyer. I could have done more to make you aware that I would support you and I'm sorry I didn't. You must have felt so alone at times... still do, I think."

Breathing out, Bucky looked at the floor, then at her.

"What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly - that is the first law of nature." She seemed uncertain with his words. "Voltaire said that. Much of my isolation was self-imposed as I still really haven't pardoned myself. But that's my cross to bear and I'm still working on it. I do see a therapist, but I also read a lot of philosophy, and I try to practice self love. I'll get there, someday." He stood up and went to the door, then looked back at her. "How's that for a big strong man with PTSD? Vulnerability is hard for any man. It's not how we were raised, especially in my time. I'm still working on that as well."

With a slight smile, he was gone and Pepper Stark realized she had just been called out for thinking of Bucky and even Tony as stereotypical males. Bucky Barnes was an enigma. Tall, dark, and handsome, but also appearing stoic and brooding, he was smarter and deeper than he appeared. A man like that could do great things, things that mattered. It was more than serendipitous that he and Leia were involved in a relationship. If she were a more romantic type, Pepper would have called it fate that the two found each other.

⏳ ⌛️

It was getting dark outside, and it started to snow again.  Alpine watched the large snowflakes falling lazily past the 10th floor window of Leia's apartment, occasionally batting at one that came too close to the window.  Bucky, reading the FBI file on Leia, while he waited for her to return, looked up from time to time when he heard Alpine's paws hit the window.  This guy, and Bucky was sure it was a guy, was obsessed with her. His initial letters were a little strange, explaining how he learned about a beautiful author from a friend. Imagine his surprise when he saw Leia at the farmer’s market from a distance and recognized her as his childhood friend Mikey’s older sister. The sharp turn in the tone of the letters came as he expressed his disappointment that she didn’t recognize him whenever their eyes met. That’s when he began outlining his plan to bring her back to her roots, and show her that he was the right man for her. His words were disturbing, expressing a desire to subject her to his will, while taking care of her better than her ex-husband did. The most recent letter was obscene and Bucky was glad they didn’t show her those parts. So far, it seemed the stalker didn’t know where in the New York area she lived but he was looking. A message came through on Bucky’s cell phone and he put the file away in his bag, then unlocked the door to the apartment and walked to the elevator.  It opened to Leia and Agent Burnham, who casually saluted Bucky and pushed the down button, leaving her with him. 

"Sorry, we're so late," she said, as she stood in front of him in the hallway. "It took a while to go through the official file of my brother's death and the birth records with my father listed as the biological dad." She looked up at Bucky, her eyes haunted. "The stalker might be my half-sibling.” That was disturbing if the stalker knew that and harboured sexual fantasies about her. “My dad was an absolute bastard. He fathered at least three more children with three different women, other than my mother. I don't even know if she knew, and I can't ask her because she died of cancer two years ago."

Putting his arm around her shoulders, Bucky walked her back to the apartment. She brightened up when she saw Alpine, kneeling down and putting her hand out to the finicky feline, who decided to play nice and approached readily, rubbing against Leia's hand. After helping her off with her coat and giving her a quick shoulder massage while she sat at the table, Bucky pulled a casserole from the oven and a salad from the fridge. His actions almost brought Leia to the edge of tears, but she swallowed and smiled appreciatively at him instead, allowing herself to enjoy the meal. Later, when everything had been put away and cleaned up, he turned off most of the lights, put some music on, and sat with Leia on his lap and Alpine on hers. While the snow fell outside, they were quiet, not talking, just being in the moment; something they both needed after the day that started well, then took a left turn into uncharted territory.

Later, in the stillness of the bedroom, they resumed what was interrupted earlier in the day. They were hesitant at first; a tentative kiss was followed by Leia perched on his lap while the languid touch of a cool hand reached up under her T-shirt. Bucky's hands traced the contours of her breasts after she bared herself to him, before moving to her back, bringing her closer to him. Hungrily, he mouthed her breasts, swirling his tongue around the sensitive nipples while she pressed her body against his growing erection. When she seated herself fully on him, gasping at the intensity of it all, he soothed her, reminding her to breathe through it, remaining still for her to get used to his size. Watching her ride him, was like worshiping an idol at an altar. She was so beautiful, with her face raised to the heavens, and the way her hands fluttered over her own body then to his, grasping and kneading as the waves of pleasure rippled through her and into him and back again.

"We must be lovers in another universe," he thought at one point. "How are we doing this so instinctively?"

They just knew the parts of each other's body that was most sensitive and responsive, without words or gestures. It happened organically, as if they had been together for years instead of days. The moment of coming was transcendent, reinforcing his belief that despite everything, this convergence of the two of them was right and meant to be. He had his small flat, while she had this apartment, but home was them, inhabiting the same small space, breathing the same air, in a communion of mind, body and soul. It felt ... right.

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[cloudlessly-light]

I have a ask may write something where Emily is wearing a bikini and Aaron sees her in it and instantly goes hard and smut

A/N: So life decided to act up so this is long overdue, I will be writing more in the coming weeks though so I hope you guys still enjoy my silly little writings! Title: Got all my love (Part 2/2)   Summary: They’re finally getting married, a day they had waited for, for too long. Word count: 2,5k Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smut, in public, hand job, dirty talk, feelings and fluff, they love each other, they also want each other

They manage to go away for their honeymoon with no small amount of luck and with the help of Dave less than a month after their wedding, something they both had assumed wouldn’t happen. But it had been Dave’s wedding gift for them, 10 days in Italy, where their only worry would be what wine to drink and each other.

“This is gorgeous.” Emily says as she walks through the massive honeymoon suite that Dave had booked. She smiles widely as she places her purse on a table and heads straight to the balcony. She gasps at the view, she never appreciated how beautiful Italy was when she was younger, but standing there feeling the warm sun and smelling the ocean beneath them, she couldn’t help but to marvel.

“Wow.” Aaron comes to stand beside her, his arm coming around her shoulder to pull her against his side. “It’s beautiful,” He mumbles against her temple before pressing his lips to it. “but no view compares to you.”

She laughs at him and catches his lips in a kiss before he has the chance to move away.

“Don’t be cheesy.”

“Nothing cheesy about the truth sweetheart.” He stamps another kiss to her lips before taking her hand and drags her inside. “Now, lets unpack, take a little nap and then we can start exploring everything this place has to offer before jetlag gets the best of us.”

They spend their first night out at a restaurant, where Emily falls back in love with speaking Italian and Aaron falls even more in love with her.

*

“Are you ready to go?” He calls through the bathroom door where he hears Emily moving around. He’s packed a beach bag and is pulling on a shirt to wear during the short walk to the beach when the door opens.

“Just about.” Emily comes out wearing a flowy dress and is putting her hair up in a bun. “Did you pack the sunscreen?”

“Yes, and the water and the towels.” He chuckles at her need for control, a trait they both have. “I have been to the beach before you know.”

“Sorry honey.” She kisses him and lingers a little longer than she has to. They had only been in Italy for a couple of days, but in that time Aaron hadn’t shaved and his beard was starting to fill in, she loved it. “You should keep this.” Her finger moves over the short, crass hairs.

“Is that so?” He hums and pulls her tighter against him.

“Yeah, it’s sexy. My husband is sexy.” She smiles into another kiss and then forces herself away from him, knowing from experience that if she didn’t, they wouldn’t leave their room. She grabs a pair of sandals and when she turns back to him, his eyes are glued to her backside. “Aaron!”

“What? My wife is sexy too.” He laughs when she throws her sandal at him, only missing by an inch.

What Aaron hadn’t realized, that even though they had been together for a few years, was that they had never gone away anywhere where they had been wearing bathing suits, their getaways usually ending up either getting cancelled or had been spent in small cabins away from the city. He doesn’t think much of it, he’d seen Emily in lingerie and underwear, had seen her naked, so a bikini shouldn’t be a big deal, right?

He was wrong, so very wrong. The moment Emily had taken her dress off and was showing off the red bikini he knew he’d never seen before his mind went blank. She doesn’t seem to notice his eyes glued to her as she lays down on one of the sunchairs, sunglasses covering her eyes and skin shining from the sunscreen.

“Honey, are you okay?” She asks when he doesn’t move and he shakes his head.

“Did you buy this for the trip?” He sits down on his chair next to her, his fingers trailing along the lining of her bottoms, over her hipbone.

“Yeah, why?” She pushes her glasses down over the bridge of her nose and gives him a knowing look. “Do you like it?”

“I- fuck Em.” He swallows down a low groan as he continues to look at her. “I think I need to cool off.”

“Wait, really?” She laughs at him as he nods curtly and pulls his shirt off.

“I’ll be back soon, or we’ll have a problem on our hands.” He mumbles, his hands fisting slightly. As he starts to head towards the water he can still hear Emily laughing.

What he should have known though, is that his wife was never one to let things go and less than five minutes later she’s heading towards him where he’s swimming. He stops as she gets closer, the water going up to his chest as he stands with his toes digging into the smooth sand.

“I got bored.” She shrugged before wrapping her arms around his neck and pushing close against him. When he groaned lowly and his hands moved to grab her waist she smiled up at him.

“What are you doing?” He asked, voice breathy as she pressed her chest tight against his, her soft body molding to his and he could feel another rush of arousal. “There’s people here.”

“This is a private beach and there’s barely any people here.” She wrapped her legs around his waist and he takes a couple of steps further out, carrying her easily through the water. “And you have something I need to take care off.” Her eyebrow arches as her hand moves from his neck and between their bodies. As her hand sneaked inside his trunks and wrapped around his half-hard shaft, Aaron suppressed a low groan against her neck.

“I’m not fucking you in the ocean sweetheart.” He mumbled against her skin, she tasted like sunscreen and sea salt and his and that only made him want her more. He felt her pull his trunks down just enough to be able to jerk him easier and he sucked in a breath.

“No, that’s what our hotel room is for, but right now, I’m going to take care of you.” The hand still around his neck grabbed his hair and tugged slightly, pulling him into a kiss as she continued to stroke his rapidly hardening cock. She felt his hands dig into her ass, pushing her harder against him and making her center rub against the base of his length through her bathing suit.

“Fuck baby.” He whispered against her lips, then quickly looked around them to see if anybody was paying them any attention. Most people were closer to the shore, a few up on the beach, and no one seemed to be looking their way which made him fully relax into the pleasure her hand around him was causing. He bit her bottom lip and tugged, a smirk on his face when she whimpered at the slight pain. “My filthy thing.”

She smiled at him, her teeth digging into her bottom lip as she twisted her wrist, earning another grunt from him. He felt like steel in her palm, and even though it shouldn’t work, the water and their position making it harder, the situation was enough to get him to the edge quickly.

“Come for me honey.” She whispered as he tensed, hands gripping her hard enough to bruise. “Paint my skin with it.”

“Jesus Christ Em.” He hissed, hips pushing into her moving hand and the tip of him rubbing against her stomach. He caught her lips in a bruising kiss, let her swallow down his sounds of pleasure as he came, his release hitting her stomach and ribs. Her hand continued to move until he relaxed, breathing ragged and body blissfully heavy from pleasure.

The ocean had already washed away any evidence of what they had done once they pulled away, but it didn’t stop her from rubbing where she had felt him, a smug grin on her face.

“Did you like that?” She asked as Aaron pulled his trunks up.

“We’re going back to our room.” He muttered and took her hand, leaving no room for argument.

*

The next day Emily walks out of the bathroom in another bikini, this one navy blue and Aaron stops in his tracks as he stares at her. He didn’t know what it was about Emily in a bikini, maybe it was the fact that she was beautiful and they were in a beautiful place, or maybe because they could fully let go of work and parental responsibilities and her in a bikini was proof of that, or maybe it simply was that she was his wife and knowing that was enough to drive him insane.

Whatever the reason, the heat in his stomach was back, the pull of arousal that always seemed to simmer whenever they were alone now starting to boil.

“Are you ready to go…” Her voice trailed off as she looked into his dark eyes, the familiar heat back in them. “Really?”

“You’re gorgeous what do you expect?” He took slow, calculated steps towards her. When she backed up with a teasing look in her eye, he licked his bottom lip.

“What about the beach?” She asked just as she backed into a wall, officially trapping herself as he got closer.

“It can wait, it’ll be there after I’m done.” He leaned against the wall, hands on either side of her head. Her cheeks were tinted pink, pupils dilated and he knew she was just as affected by him as he was by her. When he kissed her it was soft, teasing, just barely tasting her tongue before he moved to press kisses against her jaw, down her neck. His teeth dug into her collarbone and when she hissed, he soothed the bite with his tongue.

“Aaron.” She gasped, one hand gently grabbing the hair at the nape of his neck as he continued down, kissing and licking between the valley of her breasts before sucking a nipple between his lips through the fabric of her bikini.

“I never knew that you in a bikini would be my undoing.” He mumbled between kisses down her stomach, his tongue licking a stripe over her hipbone. “But here we are.” His eyes flickered up to her flushed face as he licked her through her bottoms, getting a breathy moan from her.

Emily looked at him through heavy-lidded eyes, a whine on her tongue when he stood back up. She watched as he tugged on the string of her top, his fingers hot as he touched her. When the top fell to the floor she stayed still, waiting for him to continue. His eyes stayed on hers when his hand moved down to pull at the string of her bottoms, a sound of appreciation leaving him when it fell to the floor.

“Gorgeous, perfect, all mine.” He breathed before pulling her into him and kissing her. They moved from where they had been standing, Aaron only pulling back when he felt his knees hit the bed. “What do you want?” He asked through labored breathing and when Emily simply bent over the bed he smirked.

“What are you waiting for?” She asked as her back arched, pushing her ass up and looking at him over her shoulder.

“Always so impatient.” His words were said with more affection than teasing but he still came to stand behind her after pulling his clothes off. He could see her slick on her skin, but he still pushed two fingers inside of her to make sure she was ready. When her wetness coated his digits he hummed. “And always so ready for me.”

When he pushed inside of her it was slow and deep, Aaron not stopping until he was sheathed inside of her as her tight walls clung to him. He stayed like that, pressed against her until she was squirming, her body moving on instinct as she started to push herself back and forth.

“You feel so good inside of me.” She gasped, hands gripping the sheets and his hands coming to gently hold her hips but letting her continue to move. Every time he did this, she knew it wouldn’t last long and she was proven right when only a couple of minutes later, he thrust forward with enough strength to get her to fall against the bed with a moan.

Aaron chuckled breathlessly as she fell forward, his hands holding her waist tighter as he started to fuck her with heavy pushes of his hips. He kept the pace slow and deep, building them both up until Emily’s thighs were trembling and only low moans were falling from her lips.

“That’s it, sweetheart. Clench my cock.” He grunted, his body sweaty as his eyes moved from the sight of where he was disappearing inside of her to her face mostly covered by dark hair. He grabbed it and she whimpered as her back arched, the pain in her hairline sending a direct spark to her center. “Scream my name when you come.”

It didn’t take more than a minute before she was straining, her body tensing as she moved back against him.

“Aaron!” She cried out as she came, the pleasure close to blinding. He kept moving behind her, prolonging her pleasure for as long as possible as she relaxed against the bed, body twitching slightly. “Don’t stop.” She mumbled and she heard Aaron groan.

“You want another?” He let go of her hair and instead sneaked his hand underneath her to rub her swollen clit.

“Yes, God yes.” Feeling his fingers on her clit somehow immediately build the pressure back up inside of her. She pushed herself up on her elbows and looked back at him. The sight made her moan, he was sweaty, the muscles in his arms tense, the beard that he still hadn’t shaved made him look rugged and she couldn’t believe that she had been lucky enough to find him. “Make me come again.” She gasped and his eyes flashed with something predatory.

“You’re already close aren’t you?” He could feel her tightening, and the knowledge that he could bring her over the edge back-to-back sent a new rush of arousal through him. He could feel his own orgasm build by every second, and when Emily nodded his efforts doubled.

It became frantic, bodies moving in chase of release as loud moans and dirty words were mumbled between harsh breaths. When Emily came again she muffled her scream into the bed. She was still coming down when she felt him tense behind her, a punched out grunt leaving him as he came deep inside of her, leaving her feeling sated and warm.

He stayed inside of her for a few moments, enjoying the feel of her still quivering walls around him until he collapsed beside her, still trying to catch his breath.

“I swear if we get back to DC and they ask why we’re still pale, I’m blaming you.” Emily joked as she rolled onto her back as Aaron laughed.

He couldn’t really argue with that, could he?

[teafangirl]

Soldat Steals Christmas 🌲❄️

Crack Fic or not … I don’t know at this point

Summary: Santa's sleigh was in the shop because there wasn't enough fuel and Santa was getting bored with flying it. So jolly old st Nick took a ride on the nearest train, it went through Europe, to be more specific the snowy mountains. He would soon find that, that had been a horrible thing to do! He should have stuck to the sleigh.

Or : Soldat unknowingly revisits the train he died on, and has a moment of remembering.

Warnings : You may laugh, Soldat being forced to do stuff, this is just for fun! References to CAFA! Talk of trauma. You may notice I used some lyrics from popular Christmas songs like jingle bells and twisted them. You may cry too I guess, cute ending., WS getting emotional.

A/N; this fic was inspired by a post from @iwasmadetobeasoldier I give credit to for the idea and, Santa’s last words ! I hope you enjoy and I apologize for any misspellings ! And marry early Christmas!🎄 , also all three pictures are from the web!

—------------------

Mission Report, December 24, 2024 - Christmas Eve.

It was the night Santa was supposed to come to town, deliver gifts to the good little boys and girls! The night the jingle bells jingled, all the way kids wondered what fun it must be to ride in a one horse open sleigh or a high speeding train, riding over the hills, laughing all the way. Until He went out on the snow

And on his back he fell, from a train that seemed so high up now, at least from his spot on the snow. They came and dragged his dead body away, hitched him to an operating table, and crack, went his left arm, replaced with metal. Then they hitched him to a chair, which striped his mind apart.

This one foggy Christmas Eve an assassin was taken from his cryochamber his black hair wet, the black mask restricting his speech held his lips shut . It was treated like a toy, his mind only filled with anger and pain. To him the only thing he knows is torment, pain, doing what his handlers tell him, if he fails there's more torture waiting, no chocolate, no sugar plums or no warm fire to sit in front of, no Christmas tree filled with presents only coldness. His eyes were full of pain and that coldness, they called him Soldat or The Winter Solider.

His eyes had seen so many things he wishes he didn't have to see. His handler was quick to send him on yet another mission, he found himself on the roof of a train, it was just him his weapons and the harsh cold. His hair was still wet it felt like it might freeze, the snow was everywhere but to him, it seemed foreign as some slid off his fingers, he had no idea where in the world he had been sent this time he only knew his target was an old overweight, white-bearded man who wears a red suit with white fur trim, a red hat, and black boots the target was known as Santa Claus.

Soldat never asked why a target was chosen, he didn't really care as long as he completed his mission, meaning he received somewhat less torment it felt like he lived a nightmare he didn't know who he even was before or was there even a before. He realized he hadn't moved from his spot on the roof of the train in a while. Perhaps the cold was getting to him. Soldat quickly got inside the train he walked through the train cars gun siting against his shoulder, his metal hand grasped a knife, his footsteps didn't make a sound. His eyes were fixed forward, they called him a ghost, he could send a shiver down anyone's spine with the look in hie eyes. In his mind he was focused on his mission, but there was a feeling, something he hadn't felt before, somehow the train seemed familiar, somehow he knew he was in Europe, for a bare second his eyes bore a look of fear, dead shot as if there was an event that happened here that he couldn't remember. Had he been on this train before, he pushed that thought away and tried to focus on the mission. The train was quiet except for the engine and his deep breathing, which he could hear.

A few cars down Santa was sat, beside his sack, full of presents, to him the train was as quiet as night not a sound in sight. He had decided to take the train since his sleigh was out of fuel, and the reindeers were sick Misses Clause had given him some cookies and milk to eat on the way which he was chomping down bite by bite. Crumbs were all over his big belly, some even stuck in his white beard, if anyone else was on the train they would surely hear him chomping away at his cookies. In the train car he was in there was a piece of metal that was covering a portion of the wall, it looked new, newer then the rest of the train at least. After finishing all but one cookie, Santa decided to have a nap, he closed his eyes only to open them a moment later when he felt a cold, breeze as if the door to his train car had slid open then closed, he locked into the darkness in front of him to see a figure, it was tall dark, it looked like there was a mask over his face, then he saw what its left arm was doing. It was tearing away at the new patch of metal that was shielding, blocking out the cold, a loud screech could be heard as it was ripped away. The cold air flooded into the train car. The figure stepped out of the shadows, its left arm was made of metal, its hair was damp, its eyes were pinned on him, it was wearing goggles, but Santa could tell its eyes were locked like a predator that had locked onto its prey or an assassin that had locked onto its target. It sent a shiver down his spine, he actually started sweating in his suit. The cold made the figure stand out against the train's dark interior. Menacing is what it looked like, before he could ask what or who the figure was, it closed the gap between them. The silence was uncomfortable, disturbing, it made Santa's breath hitch for the first time in forever. Fear wasn't an emotion that was normal to him, he was usually jolly as a lollipop. He found his body trembling as he reached for his sack , pulling out a baseball bat that he was planing to give a very good little boy. Santa had never hurt anyone before, but even now the effort was useless, as before he knew it the baseball bat was torn from his hand by the metal arm of the figure, who tossed it out of the train. Soon he felt the figure grasp the colour of his suit with its metal arm, he felt himself being hurried to the opening, the figure turned Santa around to face it. His back was towards the harsh outside wind.

Soldat had the old man in potion, he took in a deep, shaky breath as he griped both sides of the train car so he wouldn't be pulled out with the man. He lifted his right leg to the mans belly ready to kick him out, he looked the old man in the eyes and oddly the old man just gave a jolly smile, there was a twinkle in his eye as he laughed his belly shook, like a bowl full of jelly. Soldat wasted no time in pulling his foot back and slamming it into his round belly, watching as Santa Claus fell out of the train car. Instead of a scream, all Soldat heard was a loud.

“HO Ho Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”

That got fainter and fainter the farther down he went. The wind prevented Soldat from seeing him hit the ground, but he didn't need to see the body. As he looked out as the mountain blow, he thought he remembered something, but he tore his head back to the old mans sack before his mind could put the pieces together. He knelt down dipped his human hand in, he was for some reason curious what else other than that bat, was in it, something inside him had sparked. It was something he had not felt in years, Joy.

He didn't know why, but he felt warm all of a sudden he closed his eyes, wanting to savour whatever this feeling was images of a boy and a girl sitting around a tree flashed in his mind, images of a boy pulling a snow globe out of a wrapped box. Inside the snow globe was a house, two elderly people maybe his parents, there were also three kids one girl, who looked like she could be his sister, she was making a snow angle, beside her two boys were throwing balls of snow one was blonde and the other was black haired. As he brought himself back to his miserable reality,

he felt something in the sack, pulled his hand out to reveal the same snow globe from the image in his mind. He gently ran his fingers over it feeling every inch of the object, as he sat kneeling he began to feel a teardrop from his eye, he reached his hand up to touch his tear, his eyes focused on the snow globe in his hand. He brought his hand up to his goggles and removed them, he saw the white snow no longer only red. Next he took off the glove on his human hand, desperate to feel this, to feel this object against his skin to memorize it, the feeling. He didn't know how significant it was, he didn't know who he was, but he knew one thing, this felt familiar to him. His human hand spiked with the sensation of being cold as he ran his hand over the object, feeling the glass under his fingertips. He knew that if he bought the snow globe back with him, his handler would smash it, would make him watch, then they would likely make him clean it up. This revelation made his eyes water a little more he didn't want this, yet he knew if he gave up they would likely find him, maybe give him another piece of metal. The thought made him hold his human arm with his metal one as he sighed. He then looked over at the last cookie the old man didn't eat, Soldats body ached he didn't remember the last time they fed him, much less anything that wasn't stale or that he wasn't rushed to eat. Without thinking, his human hand rose to the mask covering his mouth, gently he removed it taking a deep breath filling his lungs he let out a sigh as if he hadn't taken a real deep breath in a long time, next he picked up the cookie with his shaking hand, he bit a tiny nibble off of it, his eyes lit up as he felt the taste of the chocolate, it made him feel better at least a little better than he had felt in years. He curled up against a corner of the train car and finished the cookie slowly as he continued to stare at the globe, his blue eyes becoming softer as tears started to slowly rip out of his eyes.

December 25, 2024 - Christmas day.

–

Soldat woke to the sound of footsteps coming through the train cars, he knew it was them people from Hydra who came to collect him since he didn't return after his mission was complete. He had not even known he dozed off, he felt better, but now he felt fear as the footsteps came closer. He realized he had been holding the globe against his chest, clutching it like it was a lifeline. He knew they would make him forget about it, he contemplated on running away going down the mountain. However before he knew it men barged into the train car, Soldat quickly tried to hide the globe, but one of the men grabbed it from him, they laughed at him, he tried to fight, but he was quickly overwhelmed, and before he knew it the globe was broken, apron out on the ground they watched as he tried to go to it, he wanted to, but he knew it was no use , soon they dragged him back to the base tears littered his face as they shoved him into a cell back in the disgusting place where Hydra kept him. He backed up august a wall and pulled from his pocket two of the figures that had been inside the globe, he managed to grab them when the men were not looking. The figures he grabbed were the blonde haired boy and the little girl who looked like she could be his sister. A smile cracked on his face as he looked at them, running his fingers over them, multiple times he thought he remembered their names “Rebecca, Steve” he said those names over and over in a quiet tone trying to make sure he would remember when Hydra decided to brainwash him again.

The End 🌲

[parmaviolets]

shut up im literally obsessed with ur fnaf au. can you explain everything about it?? (characters added, their roles, etc?) i love it so mych im gobbling it up nom nom nom

hii thank you. infodump time teehee

The AU is kind of set during the events of FNAF 2, but I've shuffled things around so it's a sequel and also it takes place in Massachusetts circa 2004.

more under the cut because augh. Many thoughts

Mike has recently gotten married to his coworker, Eugene, who is for all intents and purposes a regular accountant type guy except for being a weird freak (compliment) and ALSO more relevantly, been promoted to day guard. This means they're going to need a new nightguard, and that ends up being Jeremy, who recently moved back to his hometown (Fazbear Capital of the World) from where he was living in Vermont.

Jeremy has a girlfriend, which he talks about all the time but Mike does not fucking believe she's real until she threatens him with a knife for bullying Her Guy. Her name is Nadia Knox! She's a scene girl who works at a hardware store, loves blasting MCR in her car, carries a ridiculous amount of things in her bag, likes making copies of people's house keys without them knowing, tracing cell phones, shoplifting, etc. normal girl hobbies basically

She and Jeremy have kind of a beard relationship going on because like. Jeremy is very aromantic and she's bi but really looking for serious relationships right now. But they pass really easily as a couple because they genuinely do really like each other as friends and have a lot of affection for each other.

Charlotte "Chucky" Emily is another gal that works at the pizzeria, mostly in repair and maintenance of the animatronics and equipment. She grew up with Michael mostly so they've got a silly kind of sibling relationship going on, but besides that she doesn't really.. have friends. She was homeschooled by her father, Henry, and finds herself a little socially inept so she kinda keeps to herself.

Chucky was partially raised by William Afton too, but when she was younger he had a bad falling out with Henry and she didn't really see him for like. 10 years after that. but Will always somehow got little gifts to her- toolboxes, books, taxidermied mice. Normal things that the estranged business partner of your father would send you, as far as she knew. Because she doesn't go outside enough to know that's fucking Weird.

Henry is kind of silly. He gives off the vibes like he was a looney tunes character that escaped Disneyland and now he's stuck in a slasher and doesn't know it. He and William were good friends back in the day! Also had some subtextual homoeroticism. When Will left to manage Afton Robotics, Henry took over full ownership of Freddy's.

Into the plot deets, Jeremy was actually intended to be one of the victims of the original Missing Children's Incident, but he got a tummy ache and went home before he could get Murdered. Following that, his mother thought "this city sucks, I'm going to Vermont" and took him with her. Now that he's 21 and definitely needs to move out of his mother's house, he decided to go back to Brockton (mistake #1) and work at Freddy's (mistake #2) because it was the only place that was gonna hire him hashtag job market in shambles.

ogh okay I need to get ready for work now see u

[roamingtigress]

The Merry Misadventures of Hosea and The Mustached Idiot

Chapter One -

The Matthews Mattress

I feel the warmth of the morning sun on my face, and a heavy feeling blanketing, weighting down my form. I sigh. There's some 6'1 tall idiot with a mustache and a silly soul patch lying on top of me, wrapping a strong arm around me, the other draped off the bed. There was a pair of long legs sprawled out over the edge of the bed, which was only made for one, but Mustached Idiot here -- all 185 pounds of him -- decided that was only a suggestion.

But he's MY Mustached Idiot. Brilliant and stupid and frustrating and a pain in the ass all at the same time; Dutch can read the direction from the sky, but can't or won't follow a line on a map, but someone has to look after him. And we love each other, oh so much, bickering and all like the old couple that we are. Some fellow, Reverend Joe Swanson, got us married. And ol' Dutch isn't half bad to look at, either. When he shuts up, he can say a lot with his face when it isn't in a book, or doing some odd job that I get myself into now and then with him. Sometimes Arthur, and sometimes John with some convincing comes along (John always fights with Dutch over the issue of direction and Dutch is convinced he's heading in the right direction and that John simply can't be correct because that's not what the moon is telling him). Occasionally Sadie and Sean come along on our bounty missions or even on just a trail ride, and there's always some sort of chaos that erupts; a bounty usually dies, and a wild animal completely redirects us off course, particularly wolves; I don't know what it is, but the wolves come out of the woodwork when that man is out and about.

On that subject of books, Dutch and I have a nightly routine where we would get a book and read a chapter of it before bedtime . . . Something we've been doing since we first dated all those years ago. Sometimes we don't get sleep well into the night because sometimes we stop and end up discussing whatever is happening in the chapter.

"Dutch, I need to breathe -- "

I hear some clanking around. A somewhat, heavyset, tall fellow (even taller than the human blanket on top of me), well dressed considering his occupation working with tanning fluids, with a grey beard, half talking to himself about someone named Maggie Fike, half talking to me because he heard my sigh. The gentleman, none other than J.B Cripps. We agreed on a business deal with him; for a campsite that he'd move around here and there, we could have a good steady cash flow involving the sale of furs, feathers and hides. Cripps is . . . An interesting fellow with some strange stories to tell. One involved him being an acrobat in Portugal. Another involved a failed bank job in Tennessee with someone named Phil the Crab and Limpy Pete. Cripps doesn't care much for dogs, though. Poor Matilda! What a lovely Labrador she is, with her shiny black coat, always happy nature. She does her best.

The coffee he was brewing smelled good though and the smell of bacon and eggs was wafting in the air. The food came from the stockyard in Valentine in some high-risk, high-reward job that actually worked according to, er, plan. The pigs that he killed in the middle of the night were located right behind the police station; whom he also collects bounties for. What he hadn't used were sold to the butcher who took the remains without question. Nobody said that Dutch isn't a complex character. I accompanied him because adult supervision is required from time to time, and I needed to get a cold drink for a change.

Dutch still hasn't stirred too much from his sleep and he's making some sort of odd sound of contentment; something of a mew, something of a growl. He has a stupid crooked smile on his face as he uses my chest as a pillow and I don't have the heart to wake him; he looks at once ridiculous and gorgeous. I gently petted his cheek, a little rough from a day's missed shave. We went on a long-distance delivery from Cumberland Forest to Blackwater, and when he came home he had only a few hours of rest before the stockyard raid, giving him very little time for a shave, which is more than just a quick chore, it was a venture. He normally slept in his Union suit but the business of slaughtering pigs in rain-soaked slop is a messy business and he hadn't wanted to come to bed smelling like muck and shit, so he stripped himself down after a quick dip in the river, and put on some pants he used for some chores; nothing he'd wear out into town, but did its job. Sleeping in the nude is something he's also not above doing, but it was a bit nippy for that tonight and as he's gotten older the cold is something we've both grown more intolerant to.

I want to breathe and feel circulation in my body again, but . . . I still don't have the heart to wake him just yet. I want to just admire him for a moment longer. I traced a finger around that wonderful Roman nose of his, and after he let his arm slip off of me, which helped me move a bit, and then move my finger along the shape his mustache and that soulpatch. I run a hand through his lovely hair of his up a bit. I've long been a fan of how his hair looks in the morning before he puts on the pomade. Satisfied with my work, I slid my hand over a shoulder and down his back, which had been aching a bit after that long delivery run. Judy is a lovely Suffolk Punch mare -- under the saddle -- but a bitch in the hitch and will take the bit and run with it, and his poor back was suffering from it. I lean in and kiss his forehead, and just lightly, work a light massage into his lower back. There was a particularly nasty knot there and I worked on it with gradually firming touch. I felt the muscle twitching underneath my touch and then, subside.

I hear Cripps moving about still, doing odd jobs. Matilda barked at something, and Dynformer, that fine Thoroughbred stallion, snorted, and pawed at the dirt, eager to get the day started. Usually, he would be going out for a ride about now but someone decided to sleep in (or rather sleep on).

"I don't want to interrupt anythin', but breakfast is ready. I'll keep it warm over the fire."

It was a nice bonus to work with someone who had been accepting us as a couple; we didn't need to hide away when we camp; sure we could sneak out, and we still do for fun, but, that wasn't needed. You can say what you want to say about Cripps, but he even set up a nice little area for us a candle on a table for a romantic night setup by the cauldron, though we normally had our place at the bonfire. It was a nice thought and we have been there for reading while Cripps popped out in town.

My stomach nagged me. Breakfast did smell good. But I still had this Mustached Idiot on top of me. What am I to do?

Dutch's stupid smile widened as I traced my hand through his touseled hair again, and let a finger slip along his soft jawline; my other wasn't free just yet. Dutch was manipulating me in his sleep, just by being adorable. As I thought of a plan, I absentmindedly moved my hand down to his sensitive ribs. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I was petting him like I do with Matilda and I felt him squirm under my touch, a happy sigh escaping from him. He was slowly waking; it was masterful manipulation, or so he likely thought, just so that he lay on me longer. But this wasn't my first rodeo and I had a trick up my sleeve, and my smirk that I had since I woke up, widened.

"Mmf!" Dutch squeaks out, initially trying to muffle it but it snuck out when I slipped a finger just under the hem of his pants, finding that sweet spot on his right hip, and he squirms. God, I love that waist of his, strangely serpentine, with a certain feminine quality to it. And I know it's one of his soft spots, particularly the right hip.

"Waking up are we, babygirl?" I grin, and then sigh again as he simply turns over onto me like I'm a fucking mattress. What did I get myself into?

Dutch let out a low whimpering growl, his head tilted back. Purring, he was fucking purring! "Mrr . . . " That stupid smile just grew.

"I know you're awake, Duchess."

I caught the glimpse of an eye fluttering open as I snaked a hand towards his belly, another sensitive spot. My other hand is rested over his heart and I feel him lightly placing his hand over mine, and then taking it, lightly, so lightly just kissing it. It was a silent 'I love you'; a nice little morning routine before whatever lays ahead for us for that day.

"How long have you been awake?" I tap that nose of his.

I refuse to touch him again until I get an answer, but that sonofabitch arches his back and presses his midriff into my hands, and I dance them away again. He pouts and gives me puppy dog eyes as he flops back down on me again, but those eyes are smiling. I do love seeing this playful side of him; it reminds me of the old days so much. And with that, I feel younger.

"Oh . . . About an hour." The twinkle in his eyes showed in his voice.

I give him a slap on the belly; there's a tiny bit of a thud, and he lets out this wheezy chortle. There's a chance we'll likely get in finer shape (there's a tinge of softness on both in both of us old dads but looking pretty damn good, mind) soon enough with all that we've signed up for.

"You shit -- "

Dutch just laughs, placing a hand over my other hand that's over his heart, he gives it a light squeeze. A sort of squeeze that he'd do to pacify me whenever I got upset in a silent plea to not be angry; he knows I'm not upset, but he plays the part, and I play along.

"You was pettin' me, 'sea -- " He answers coyly, and repositioned himself slightly; no, not for my comfort, but so that he can kiss me on the neck as he does to get out of trouble, even in our arguments when he wants to get back on my good graces.

Dutch got one over me! The boy needs to be put in his place! "You -- " I break from my stern expression though and I just laugh, lightly tickling him; as per usual he tries not to laugh and tries to stay stoic, but, it sneaks out. I take delight in that laugh, feeling him squirming under my touch. I slow my fingers down to a gentle stroke and then, with my free hand, I hold him tight, and I bury my face into that lovely, tousled hair.

"I think I love you . . ." Dutch murmured as he moves up into my touch, and in return, he kisses me, touching me, wherever he can. I realize I'm not helping my situation and only encouraging him.

"I think I love you too, you know . . . " I smile. And that smartass side of his sneaks out.

"Someone's got to."

I kiss that idiot, and for that moment, I don't want him to get up. We'll eventually get up and have our breakfast; Matilda is getting a little needy, but for just a few or more minutes, he'll remain in my arms.

"You got me that time, but there will be another."

[the-mxster]

Dump your tensimm headcanons on me please.

You have no idea what you have unleashed. Literally went through months of messages with my gf to find the ones I told her.

The Master will just randomly bite the Doctor. He swears he doesn’t bite that hard but fuck does it hurt. The Doctor lives in fear of being bitten when the Master is in the room. Even when he’s not, just in case he’s hiding so he can pounce on him like a cat.

The Doctor cannot cook. He offers to cook a lot to be nice and the Master foolishly accepts cause he doesn’t like cooking. He also forgets how awful he is cause he erases his horrible creations from his head. They tend to eat out or order food a lot cause of this.

The Master watches the Doctor draw. He barely use to draw but does it a lot now cause it relaxes the Master, especially after an overstimulating day like a big adventure or the drums being too loud. The Master tries to draw along side with him but he gives up easily when it doesn’t go to plan.

Their sleeping patterns. The Doctor rarely sleeps and only sleeps for short periods of time. Though, if he pushes it off too much he becomes grumpy and less likely to sleep out of spite. To me the Master is just a cat (considering the fact he was actually a cat boy once) and will just nap anywhere and everywhere. The naps range from 30 minutes to a couple of hours. He’ll also go into ‘hibernation’ every couple of months for a day or two, I know that isn’t cat like but he just really likes sleep. The Doctor will occasionally snuggle up to him and read but rarely falls asleep with him. The Doctor will also get jump scared by the Master just asleep standing up in a random hallway cause he will just fall asleep in any position.

The Doctor’s facial hair. He’s tried to grow a beard on serval occasions just to see how it looks but every time the Master had shaven it off while he was asleep. It took a couple of times for it to happen for him to figure out what was happening. The Doctor has considered shaving the Master’s facial hair (both with his stubble and goatee) off several times but realised he shouldn’t if he wanted to stay alive. He doesn’t like how it feels when they kiss/cuddle/etc but the Master just said ‘tough luck’.

Time war nightmares. They both have nightmares (one of the reasons Doctor doesn’t sleep much), the Master listens to the Doctor about his but refuses to talk about his own. He doesn’t like talking about his feeling at all. The Doctor notices that he doesn’t get them as much if he sleeps with the Master but he’s noticed that he actually gets them more if he sleeps with the Doctor.

Appearance. They both have a wedding band, the Masters is from when he was married to Lucy (swears it’s not) while the Doctor’s is just a scrap piece of metal that’s been made into a ring and painted gold. When the Master first moved into the TARDIS the Doctor didn’t trust him to be in the same room as anything sharp so he couldn’t get his hair cut. It got pretty long and he kept moaning about it so the Doctor caved in and cut it for him and always cuts his hair (he went to hairdresser school for a bit of fun)

When the Master doesn’t get his way. Obviously he’s not allowed to do everything he wants cause one of those things are killing someone and the Doctor has just to drag him away and say no. The Master will just start shouting at him and same some awful things (he ‘apologises’ for it after) He’ll then threaten to hurt the Doctor but that never works so he threatens to hurt himself. This is where the Doctor will allow him to do what he wants if it’s something like petty theft or something that won’t affect people in the long run.

The Master’s hiding spaces. He just gets sick and tired of the Doctor sometimes and wants to go somewhere he can’t be found. Obviously, he can’t go to his room so he’s found some hiding spaces to just chill and cool down. The Doctor knows about the hiding spaces cause the TARDIS snitched to him but let’s him have his space. He’ll only go get him if something serious has happened and he needs the Master’s help.

NSFW. I’m not really sure if I should share them on here so I’ll just share the least explicit ones. The Doctor likes to kiss him all over softly while the Master likes to leave hickeys as a way of claiming him. The Doctor also always trying to get it on in the weirdest of places while the Master likes a bed or sofa since it’s more soft so it doesn’t hurt as much when he’s being rough. The Master tries to top but always ends up bottoming cause this is the only time he actually does what the Doctor tells him to do. They’re also both obsessed with each other making noises and praises each other for it. They also have a bath or shower together after then go their separate ways. The Master always takes a extra long nap after.

Thank you for asking me this 😋

I’ve got tons more but I only did a few cause I wanted to go into detail but I might do just a long list later on if I can be bothered

[preciousbarnes]

Remember Me

Chapter 2: Uncertainties

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Bucky is left completely changed from the man you married. A multi-part, on-going series.

Word Count: 2.4k

Tags: Memory Loss, Brief Medical Settings, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Fluffy moments

Read Ch. 1 Here

series masterlist coming soon

Bucky slowly blinked his eyes, squinting at the bright white lights in the sterile looking room. There was an incessant beeping coming from some kind of machine with wires leading to little stickers that were attached to him. His head was pounding, his hand coming to rub his forehead as he groaned. Looking around, he became more and more confused. Everything looked so… advanced. And clean. And… new. Seeing something move out of the corner of his eye, he turned his head. There was a man with a metal looking arm, with shoulder length hair, a scruffy beard, and familiar blue eyes. The man moved when he moved, and that’s when he realized. That man looking back at him was him. What the hell? How. He was only 23. He had two real arms before, now this metal one was here? The man in the mirror was easily in his 30s. What was happening?

He rubbed his eyes, thinking maybe it was all a dream. Nonetheless, it was not. He heard the sound of a door sliding open, prompting him to look away from his reflection, and to the two interring the room. He smiled when he recognized a familiar face, until he sees the body it’s attached to.

“St-steve? Is that you?” He calls to him. it is Steve’s face, but on a tall, muscular body. Easily as tall as he is. What happened to his short and skinny, but strong-willed and determined best friend? He sits there feeling so completely lost, watching you and the man who looked so much like Steve, but also not, trade concerned looks.

“B-Bucky, what do you remember last?” The person asks him, voice soft but concerned. He decides in that moment, he likes the sound of your voice. It's peaceful and effortlessly melodic.

“Hold on a second, doll. First I want to know, are you Steve? My best friend? Guy who was about this tall last I saw him?” He asks, holding a hand to his shoulder to demonstrate how tall he remembered Steve being.

The man with Steve’s face cracks a grin, and that’s when Bucky knows it has to be Steve. That grin is so ingrained in his memory, there is no way it isn’t him.

“Yeah, man. It’s me. We got some catching up to do. What’s the last thing you remember?” Steve asks, as he moves to rest a reassuring and comforting hand on your shoulder. Something stirs inside Bucky seeing this. Why did his stomach feel so funny seeing Steve touch you. Some part of his brain was telling him it was wrong, but he didn’t understand why.

“I went back home to my apartment and went to sleep. I has spent the day with Ma and my sisters,” He says, your heart hurting at the mention of his family, and his once simple life.

You stand there silently as Steve begins to give Bucky a very abridged version of his life; how he joined the army with Steve following after getting the Super Soldier serum, which he explained that was why he was taller and much stronger, what happened to him all those years ago, how he had been forced to do some bad things, but had gotten out and gotten better and worked to save people and keep people safe. You glanced to him noticing how Steve had made the choice of just how much he torture and bad things he had experienced and been forced to do. Steve just ghosted the surface. You were kept silent by his commanding and stern stare, telling you he was doing what he thought was best.

Bucky nods along, looking shocked at parts, especially when Steve referenced the fact that there was a time he was held hostage and made to do back things. Even this version of Bucky hated that idea. Steve had always told you that’s what he had admired most about Bucky growing up; his sense of good and always wanting to help, never hurt.

“Okay, so, I was captured in war by bad guys, given a version of the Super Soldier serum stuff, was given a metal arm, made to do bad stuff, put to sleep on and off for decades, found by you, and now I’m better and do good stuff?” He asks, trying to wrap his head around it all. His life sounds like something from a messy movie franchise, he thinks to himself.

Steve nods, giving a small chuckle realizing how it all must sound.

“So, how old am I?” He asks.

“You’re 106,” You answer softly.

His eyes widen as he does the mental math, realizing that means he is alive in the year 2023.

He is quiet for a moment, lost in thought. You and Steve give each other concerned glances again, hating how hard this is for him.

He looks up to you suddenly, a questioning look on his face.

“So, I know why Steve would be here telling me this news, but that leaves me wondering what you’re doing in here with me. What’s your name, doll?” He asks you, giving you an easy going smile. You quickly understand why Steve referred to young Bucky as a lady’s man.

“Y/n,” you tell him softly.

“So you must be important to me for you to be in here,” he deducts.

“I’d hope so, Buck” Steve mutters, leading you to lightly elbow him in the ribs, glaring at him, signaling now is not a time for jokes.

“I’m your wife, Bucky,” You say to him, holding your hand up to show him the ring nestled on your left ring finger. It was the ring that had belonged to his mother, making him take in a breath suddenly at the sight.

“Whoa,” he utters, eyes wide.

You stand there awkwardly, nervous about his reaction.

“How?” He asks, wide eyed.

You smile softly, walking over to his bedside. As you walk over, Steve leaves the room in efforts to give you both some privacy.

“May I?” You ask, gesturing to his hand. He nods and you reach down and grab it in yours, your thumb rubbing his knuckles softly.

“We met in Wakanda, a place you went and recovered. I was there working on new technologies and was someone who helped design your arm.” You tell him.

“Wow. Beautiful and smarter than me,” He says, in the same soft tone, making you laugh. He smiles seeing you laugh, deciding that that is now his favorite view.

Before he can tell you that, Tony and Dr. Banner are walking into the room, an intrigued expression overtaking their faces when they see you both holding hands. Seeing them looking, you pull your hands away from Bucky’s, much to his dismay. He frowns a bit, missing your little cold fingers already.

After an awkward pause, Dr. Banner breaks the silence.

“Hi Mr. Barnes, I first want to say I’m sorry; I’m sure this is all quite overwhelming at the moment,” The soft spoken doctor tells him, looking genuinely sorry for what Bucky was going through. Dr. Banner was always kind to Bucky. While they weren’t close by any means, Dr. Banner understood Bucky in a way others could only empathize with. Dr. Banner was personally familiar with having a part of yourself that was out of your own control, much like the Winter Soldier was for Bucky.

“Please, call me Bucky, doc, as I understand you literally know me better than I know myself now,” he jokes, making Tony and Bruce smile slightly but sadly.

“Okay, Bucky. As you know, your memory has been negatively affected from a mission you were on. We have the machine with us in our possession, and were conducting research on it as well as studying methods to potentially reverse the damage. We have reason to believe your memories are not permanently gone, but rather locked away in your subconscious. You may find yourself experiencing feelings or instincts you don’t remember having, but older Bucky has so you will feel them,” Dr. Banner explains, as Bucky nods along.

“Would that explain why I felt a bit grumpy when Steve touched her?” He asks.

At this, Tony laughs.

“What’s wrong, Bucky? Afraid good ole stars and stripes is going to steal your girl?” He chuckles, making you and Bucky laugh and even Dr. Banner cracks a grin.

“No, I just knew there was some part of me, some reason that did not like it. The being married thing kind of explains that. Is that a good sign? Does that mean you’re right about the sub-whatever thing you said?” He asks, making you smile.

“Subconscious, honey,” you correct gently.

“Yeah, that,” He says, before softly thanking you.

Bruce gives a genuine smile and nods, taking note of what Bucky told him.

The doctor and Tony run through a few more diagnostic questions and assessments with Bucky. You stand to the side as Bucky answers all their questions thoroughly, telling them both that he wants to help them help him. He looks to you when he tells them both that he wants his memories back. You give him a smile that is tinged with a bit of sadness, hating what Bucky is going through but determined to support him.

When Tony asks, uncharacteristically softly, if Bucky remembers any of his time when he was captured and tortured and forced to do things against his will, you automatically reach for Bucky’s hand. You hate this, not so much that he’s forgotten that horrible time in his life; what you hate is the fact that at some point he might remember it all and have to process it all once again. He’s done so much work in therapy to get through those memories and make amends with those that he could, including Tony, and you worry this will inevitably set him back to square one.

Bucky gives your hand a gentle squeeze as he shakes his head, telling Tony he doesn’t remember anything like that.

After taking a few more notes, they leave, letting you know that Bucky is free to leave for now, as there's nothing they can currently do until they conduct more research. You and Bucky walk out of the room and down the hall, you smiling at Bucky’s child like wonder as he takes in all the technology he can see as you exit the compound and get in the car to be driven back to your shared apartment.

“What do you think of all of this?” you ask, as you both get situated in the back seat of the car, the agent driving giving you both privacy and not interacting.

“It’s so different. Everything looks like it's out of a made-up movie,” He tells you, even in awe of the fancy car you both were in.

The car ride is short and sweet, getting you back to the apartment in record time.

You take some time to show Bucky around, feeling soft as you see Bucky stop in the living room and excitedly point at a collage of your wedding pictures that you had framed hanging up. He lets out a low whistle as he looks at them all.

“Gosh, look at ya, doll. You’re so stunning,” He whispers. You thank him, a blush rising up your neck to your cheeks.

You grasp his hand once again, leading him to the bedroom where you both silently change. Bucky, uncharacteristically shyly stripping down to his boxers. There’s a tint of pink to his cheeks, almost making you coo at him.

“It’s alright, Jamie, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” you tell him, winking. His cheeks get even pinker, and for a moment you worry you may have overstepped, remembering how new and different everything is for him.

“I’m sorry, Buck. I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. If you want, I can sleep in our guest room?” You offer, getting ready to grab your pillow off the bed.

He walks over to you, stopping you from picking up the pillow.

“No, it’s okay doll. I’m just a little nervous. You’re used to sleeping next to me, while I can't say I’ve ever really… stayed the whole entire night with someone before,” He explains.

Your eyebrows raise nearly to your hairline.

“So you were quite the ladies man, huh?” You chuckle, making him laugh as well.

“Yeah, I was at one time, doll. Not anymore,” He declares.

You look down, once again playing with the ring on your hand anxiously. Bucky quickly picks up on your nervousness, asking you what’s wrong. You sigh, before explaining.

“For you, that time as a playboy was just yesterday, and now you’re a married man. It’s a big change,” You explain, voice faint and showing your insecurity.

“Hey now, doll. Please don’t look so sad. Pretty face like yours should never frown. Yes, it’s a change, but a welcomed one. Did, I guess I’d call him future me, ever tell you my biggest desire in life?” He asks you smoothly.

“To help people?” You suggest, making him smile. He gently tucks a piece of unruly hair behind your ear, before cupping your face in both his hands. The motion is painfully similar to something your Bucky did often, making your heart clench in your chest a bit. Yes, Bucky was here with you, alive. But it was a different than your Bucky, who remembered the last 4 years you had been together through so much.

“Okay, after helping people. But even before that, I wanted a family. A life with a lovely gal. A little family of my own. And for me that starts with a marriage. I’ve got that, and somehow future me got lucky enough to have you,” he expresses to you.

“How are you so sure you’re lucky? You don’t even know me, Buck,” You ask hesitantly.

“I just know. You’ve got this glow about you. The kind of glow my momma has. Any person I’ve met with that glow has always been good,” He reveals, instantly choking you up. He had never said that to you before, but you felt honored. You knew his mother was quite a woman, and to be compared to her so reverently made your heart swell.

You smile as you feel tears building in your eyes, reaching out and giving the man in front of you tight hug. He wraps you in his arms tenderly, resting his head on top of yours as he soothingly rocks you. After a few moments pass, you both find yourselves climbing into bed. You reach over and turn off the light, nestling yourself under the covers. Sleep finds you both quickly, before you can worry about what the next day will bring.

[arttrampbelle]

lord shimura self ship asks/hcs part2

Here is some more ghost of tsushima self ship hcs for shimura.

Cw: mostly fluff may have some angst and implied nsfw but not really.

🌸💕🌸💕🌸💕🌸💕🌸💕🌸💕

• Who do you self-ship with? What’s your ship name together?: Lord Masato Shimura from the ghost of tsushima game. (I gave him a given name since in canon to my knowledge they never gave him one so im making my own hcs now. Plus i just feel like he should have more to him then what was shown) my ship tag is 💕🌸heart of a samurai🌸💕

• How long have you self-shipped with them?:  well not for a long time. More so recently. I just have a newfound absolute love of this character.

• When did you get together in your shipping canon?: well my self insert oc kurisuta. (Which is just essentially myself) met him after he saved her from bandits. He retired after the war and appointed a new jito with the permission of the shogun. And lived life in peace for the most part. (There is some angst with jin,his personal honor,etc but yeah that's pretty much how it goes)

• How did you meet?: after he saved me from bandits.

• When did you first know you loved each other?: well if was after a few months of staying with him. After helping some people from pirates. We went back to his home and estate and kinda had a moment.

• Who made the first move?: technically we both kinda confessed in a way.

• What was your first date like?: it was a nice ride to an onsen and a nice picnic out. Very sweet. It was summer and we had melon.

• When did you first say “I love you” to each other?: again it was after our big battle with pirates.

• What are the most important relationship events for you? Drop a timeline!: well besides the big pirate fight. Another is when he made amends with jin,who was still wanted by the shogan. But another is when we married.

• How extensive is your shipping canon?: its simple. But i added more to shimura and his backstory more because i wanted something actually somewhat better than what we got. (Again no shade. I looooove this game. But even thru its amazing storytelling....it has some things i dont like and is worth a critique. I dunno i guess i just wanna rewrite it with just a bit less romanticism towards the samurai code a bit. Because historically shimura shouldn't be acting the way he does sometimes in canon im just saying. You could argue with hypocrisy or even more of the thing of he just wanted to help his people the best way a leader could as much to his ability. Same as any warrior leader. But i still personally have a gripe with it slightly)

11-20 - ATTRACTION

• First impressions of each other?: at first he thought of me as a sweet woman. And surprisingly a decent warrior. But as we grew close. He thought of me as more than that. He felt at peace and ease. For the first time in a long time. He fell in love but not just as a lover....but also as a friend and life companion.

• How close were you as friends before you got together?: most definitely. He's a great friend to have. :3

• Who fell for the other first?: i kinda hc it was mutual,but there was HELLA pining.

• What initially attracted you to them versus what they were attracted to?: well he was attracted to my genuine kindness. I loved his courage but his compassion. He cared for his people,deeply but he is only human and him retiring was his own personal way of atoning and still able to be samurai in a way. He has made mistakes and he felt this way he could help his nephew jin while making amends and letting things go.

• How do you match up with your first crushes?: i dunno this is kinda its own self contained thing.

• Your top 3 favourite things about them versus theirs about you.: my fave 3 are his smile,his laugh,and his heart. His fave or mine are my smile,my heart,and my arms around him. Maybe my sense of humor. It gets him thru.

• The physical traits you love of theirs.: his eyes,his strong arms,and maybe his beard. (Im a simple person to please ok?)

• The personality traits you love of theirs.: again his heart and courage. Despite everything he still loves his nephew. He never let this war ever change that.

• How publicly affectionate are you? Is it cringe, embarrassing or do you love PDA?: for me? I dont care really. I have no preference. Hand holding is simple and enough for me. I actually dont really like overwhelming pda. But I'll tolerate it. As for masato? He would rather show his super "cuddly" side in private. But he will not hesitate to flash a smile or grin.

• Is sex important to this relationship? Why or why not?: it's not super important. However there is a lot of tension at times. 😏

21-30 - ROMANCE

• Do you have pet names for each other?: blossom,momo,and chou-chou which means butterfly. Darling,dear,beloved,and my love are used too. Other than that its our names.

• What are your go-to date night ideas?: as long as we are together and having a good time. Anywhere really.

• Do you get jealous or protective over your partner(s)?: jealous? Eh. Not really. Not for me. For shimura? Not really. He doesn't get jelly. Its rare if anything. Protective? Yes. We both get that way. Him more so than me. But he has his reasons.

• What’s a gift that you’ve given each other that means a lot to you?: he actually has a silk hair tie he gave. It was a partly of his old armor. He wanted to make for me. I wear it both in my hair or around my head. I gave him a beaded charm bracelet,it's supposed to give him protection and luck.

• What are your love languages?: honestly we need all of them. But i feel like just a simple reassurance. Like a simple im jere for you,a care about you. That kinda thing. Acts of service especially. But he does love giving gifts. Simple and sweet.

• What’s ‘your song’ with them? Does it remind you of each other, or have special memories attached to it?: honestly i haven't thought about it yet.

• What places are special to you guys? Is it because of a memory or is it somewhere you want to go?: there is a small place ontop of a cliff that overlooks the ocean and is a huge field of flowers. He and i rode there after our big battle with the pirates. It was our first...well you know.

• What things in daily life remind you of each other?: for him,wisteria or purple flowers remind him of me,sometimes small bells. And plum blossoms actually remind me of him. Sometimes chrysanthemums. The gold trees too. Waterfalls.

• Do you own anything that’s symbolic of your relationship i.e. charms, souvenirs etc.?: we do have an omomori charm that hangs near our bed. But he has a bell attached to his sword. To have a piece of me wherever he goes. And i have one around my neck.

• What do you guys believe is the most important part of any/your relationship?: communication,trust and honesty.

31-40 - INTERESTS

• Do you share any of the same hobbies/interests/passions?: poetry,art,and song. But also bird watching.

• What’s something you want to try together?: he's always wanted to try this spicy ramen,but its hard to come by because the ingredients are imported and kinda pricey. But i know how to make it.

• What’s something you can do but they can’t? What’s something they can do that you can’t?: honestly im not sure. I guess fall asleep easier. Not by much but still. But we all have our quirks. *shrug* i guess i dont really think about that. Lol

• What do you do together on a bright and sunny day?: depends,is it hot out? But enjoy the sunshine. Maybe sunbathe.

• What’s something you do together if you can’t go outside?: write,read,i paint. Sometimes he'll do flower arrangements. We might sometimes if we are really bored....do things...

• How do you usually relax and wind down together?: most of the time drink tea and talk about life. Maybe past adventures or our childhood. But sometimes if we are in a really good mood. A nice cup of sake or two. Or three. Hee hee

• If you’re away from each other, what do you prepare for each other? Welcome back gifts, setting time aside etc.: he will set aside time most definitely. Sometimes he'll have a nice meal prepared. Pretty much the same for me. I will however run right up to him and hug him tight.

• What is a guilty pleasure/something that you’d be embarrassed to tell them about, but want to share?: ok sfw would be he actually loves board games and gambling games but he kinda doesn't want me to get into it due to it's...notoriety. a nsfw thing would be shibari. He absolutely is into that.

• What do you find weird about each other? Is it endearing or an actual ick?: its not so much weird as its odd and curious to him that i can eat so much and yet... stil have room. Also how much spicy i can eat.

• Are you guys superstitious? How do you see belief in luck, ghosts or aliens etc.?: sometimes. He feels there is logic to things but he wont ever rule out the ways of spirits and kami.

41-50 - PREFERENCES

• What are your names saved as in each other’s phones?: lol dont apply here. But well if we did it would be momo-chan for me and 🌸💕masato💕🌸 in mine

• How do you guys take your coffee/tea? Do you know how the other likes it?: mine is slightly sweeter than his. And yes.

• Where do you get takeout? Who usually pays?: we cook at home for the most part.

• What’s your favourite (type of) show to watch together? Do you watch on routine or set time aside to binge?: lol again dont apply.

• What roles do you take on when you play games together? It can be co-op, or talk about how you play games in general.: well we do have a slight competitiveness to us. But he tries to be easy on me even if i say dont.

• How do you dress? Do you look like you match as a couple, or are your styles different?: its different but complimentary colors

• What could you not live without? Does your partner know what it is?: my bow. His sword. And my zazen bracelet.

• Where do you like to be touched? Innocent or suggestively.: honestly hand holding like i said is underrated af. And kissing the hand. But im not responsible for him if he kisses my neck. >:3

• Mix your favourite colours. What is the resultant colour?: purple and red. A deep purple red? Yellow and purple is strange tho.

• Who needs space, and who needs more attention? Do you cling together or are you loosely together?: depends on the mood and situation?

51-60 - DAILY LIFE

• What does the daily schedule of this home look like?: well we both usually get up around mid day. But sometimes he gets up early than me. He makes tea and breakfast.,we bathe if needed.Then we do our daily chores,pack a lunch and then go riding,have lunch. Then we come back for dinner. And then relax. Sometimes soak in the onsen.

• Who is more of a homebody, and who’s the breadwinner?: i dunno if it applies here.

• What do your sleeping arrangements look like? Do you sleep together, or in separate beds?: together. It was separate,till we got together tho. But it was nearby. He just joined our futons together at that point. The bedroom basically joined together for a bigger space.

• Who’s the early riser, and who has trouble getting out of bed? Who falls asleep first?: masato is an early riser usually. I have problems sleeping tho always. Depending on how tired i am.

• Who handles what chores around the house?: we both do.

• Who deals with the spiders/bugs?: we both try to deal with them.

• Who’s the better driver? Do you argue on the road?: he is definitely a better rider. Not always. Depending.

• When you go shopping, who takes the longest? Who’s the worst to shop with?: depending.

• How comfortable are you with sharing? Clothes, personal items, spaces like the bathroom etc.: we are comfy. Well more so after we got together and definitely when we married.

• When you take pictures together, how do you pose? Do you like taking pics together?: i love painting him.

61-70 - SITUATIONS

• If you got into a physical fight, who would win? Would you let them win?: him more likely. But he'd let me win despite my complaints.

• When you upset each other, how do you make up for things?: we do talk about it. Like anyone else?

• Do you take care of each other when you’re sick? Who’s an absolute mess when they’re sick?: yes. We both are.

• How are you when travelling together? It can be in general or to a specific place.: we love traveling and exploring.

• You run into your ex/their ex while you’re out - how do you react?: oof. I hope not. I dont have one here. But oof.

• If either of you got into any serious trouble, would you bail each other out? In what conditions?: yes. Of course.

• Could you start a musical act together? How good are your musical skills?: i hc he actually can play flute.

• What Alternate Universes have you thought of for yourselves? Fantasy, royalty etc.: modern. Since it's in canon its feudal japan

• How would you react if you swapped bodies?: panic than laugh.

• If the world fell into an apocalypse situation, would you stick with each other?: yes? Duh

71-80 - DIFFICULTY

• What’s the longest time you’ve been apart?: a whole month. Oof

• What do you argue over most? How do you resolve things?: probably about my safety. But we usually can resolve this. He has reasonable fears tho.

• What do you find is the most annoying thing about each other?: him hovering,like i can do things. But he wants to help. He likes taking care of me tho. Ugh. I just let him sometimes. My stubbornness tho,he raises a brow at.

• What can you never seem to understand about each other?: honestly we both are understanding. But his past has hurt him so i can understand sometimes why he is the way he is. Oof.

• What’s the worst thing you’ve done for your partner?: honestly im not sure.

• Do you have any insecurities about your relationship?: not really,other than the normal fears. Nothing in particular.

• What would you guys consider cheating?: going behind eithers back? I mean cheating is pretty obvious and fucked up. He'd never do that tho. Ever. He'd rather just leave than that. He finds that abhorrent and no man,nor sensible person would do that to someone they love so why would he a samurai. Ever do that?

• What was a moment that really put your relationship to the test?: when he made amends to his nephew. We had some arguments about it a bit. But it needed to happen. But other than that we've been good.

• If you could change one thing about your partner, what would it be?: nothing. Why would you change someone. They wouldn't be that person you fell for then.

• In relation to your exes, how do you stand against each other? Would you say you’re better than their exes and vice versa?: it doesn't apply here.

81-90 - DIFFERENCES

• Who’s older? What’s the age difference?: well he is older most definitely. But i hc shimura is around maybe late 40s? Im 30 so...yeah.

• Who’s taller? What’s the height difference?: i hc he's taller than me but shorter than kazumasa. Jin and him are the same height roughly,jin is only slightly taller. Not much to tell tho.

• What are your star signs? How compatible does it say you’d be?: well im a leo sun. I hc him to maybe be a very chill aries or leo too. Either that or a Taurus or has earth in his chart somewhere. Maybe some water. Im not sure.

• What is your MBTI? How compatible does it say you’d be?: i dont do mbti cuz it actually said to be kinda problematic and not really good,but im not sure. Plus i dont care for it personally.

• Who’s more introverted/extroverted?: ot can go either way.

• Who gets the most stressed and why?: both

• What are your biggest differences from each other?: besides the obvious. He's more grounded in some areas than me definitely.

• Who’s more romantically experienced?: maybe him?

• Are you guys more overprotective and jealous? Or are you chill with others around your partner(s): we chill....so as long as they stay in their lane.

• If you were in high school together, what cliques would you have been in? Would you have gotten along then?: lol. Dont apply here.

91-100 - RELATIONS

• How do you describe each other to your friends and family for the first time?: well i hc jin is the only living family member shimura has. And he's cool with me. Jin was more shocked on how much "softer" his uncle has gotten. It makes him happy that his uncle is happier now.

• What do your families think about your relationship?: again happy that he's happy.

• What do your friends think about your relationship?: pretty chill with it. Kinda teasing about how I'm with a former jito now.

• Who is most supportive of your relationship?: i feel jin is. But there are actually many who are happy for masato.

• Is there anyone on your partner’s side that you don’t like/get along with, and is there anyone on your side that your partner doesn’t like/get along with?: not really. Everyone has their quirks. There isn't anyone that i dislike. Neither does masato.

• How do you act differently when in the company of people from when you’re alone with your partner(s)?: not much different. Tho we are way more intimate for sure. Especially masato.

• How did you tell people you were going out together?: well it kinda just happened.

• Do you have mutual friends or are your friendship groups separate?: well kinda separate. But my friends kinda became his friends i guess.

• What’s a common misconception about your relationship?: there is many "rumors" but we scoff at them. We know each other. That's all that matters. (Tho there is times where things do get to shimura.)

• Has your romantic relationship affected any other relationships?: eh not really. Maybe. I don't really pay attention to that.

101-110 - FUTURE

• Are you engaged/would you get engaged? Describe/Show a picture of your ring.: (considering that traditional Japanese weddings including samurai. Were different than western weddings. No rings are involved.)

• Are you married/would you get married? Describe/Show the aesthetic of your wedding.: technically yes. And we got married in spring. It was semi traditional. Not a lot of people i knew came. Jin cake but was watching in secret due to him still being wanted. After the wedding and celebration i brought him some food and a thank you gift.

• What does your ideal home look like together?: well we already live at his estate.

• Do you have/want kids? If not, would you have/want pets?: well he does want a family deeply. Eventually we could have children. But for now our cat miki will do.

• If you have/want kids or pets, how would you name them?: well our cat is named miki. But if we had a son we'd name him kentaro,and if a daughter akari or ayame

• If you could give advice to yourselves when you started, what would you say to each other?: that it's ok to start again.

• What do you look forward to the most in the future of this relationship?: peace

• How long do you think you’ll be together? How long do you want to be together?: as long as our lives will let us

• Do you think you’ll continue to self-ship with them for a while?: yeah

• In real life, are they someone you wish would be your partner?: (well irl im taken and i self ship for both fun and to cope)

111 - What does this self-ship mean to you?:

Honestly i love this game series and it's a lot of fun and i love the story and characters. I of course have my own takes and aus but for the most part i have loved this game from start to finish.

[shrinkthisviolet]

Ted Lasso Finale Thoughts

(because liveblogging is exhausting)

spoilers under the cut:

Bringing back Jamie’s romantic feelings for Keeley feels like backsliding. I gave it a pass in s2 because it was just a one-time confession that went nowhere, but…I didn’t like it being continued. That should’ve been a dropped thread (or resolved with him and Keeley talking things out and him backing off because the relationship was never good for either of them)

The way the game played out was perfect. Richmond getting 2nd but not 1st was nice too—sometimes things don’t always go exactly how we want them, but even the small victories still count. Loved every minute of it…especially Rupert getting hoisted by his own petard! Pride goeth before the fall!

Nate’s overall arc has been great in most places and strange in three: his tenure at West Ham was underdeveloped (we don’t get to see him of him and his team, and we don’t know why he left), his relationship with Jade is…fine but I still wish they’d created a new character if they wanted him to have a girlfriend (yeah I still don’t like her that much, sorry), and the animosity between him and the team never got resolved from either side (why did they suddenly stop hating him? Why did he suddenly forgive them for the way they bullied him before? There was no discussion of any of it!)

I’m fine with Tedbecca not being endgame, and I didn’t really expect it (and tbh, the tease of Rebecca and Amsterdam Guy at the end is...fine, they’re cute, they just feel a bit random and tacked-on). I will say, though, that Rebecca staying with the team seemed a bit bizarre after how determined she was to leave...I’m sure she cared about them, but we never really got to see much of that, compared to them and Ted. If anything, it would make more sense for her to leave and him to stay (or for both of them to leave or stay)

I’m horrified by how Beard and Jane are continuously being pushed as this loving relationship. She hasn’t changed, she’s still toxic/abusive, but Beard stays for her, and she’s still painted as his loving girlfriend. It’s nauseating (tho this isn’t the only relationship I’ve had a problem with in Ted Lasso, just the most egregious one because of how long it’s been going on) AND THEY GET MARRIED?? THEY’RE THE ONLY SHIP TO GET A CANON ENDGAME?? I’m gonna scream wtf this is infuriating

“It’s not about me. It never was” AHHHH

YESSS ROY TAKING OVER TED’S POSITION I KNEW IT I LOVE IT AHHHH (also to those who said it was gonna be Nate…he hasn’t been back at AFC Richmond long enough)

…I don’t know how I feel about Jamie and his dad at the end there. I know he was able to move on for his own sake, but…why are they civil and on good terms now?? Is this weird to anyone else, because it’s definitely weird to me

Roy’s getting therapy! Good for him

The mended believe sign taped up! Love that

It’s sweet that Ted now gets to use his coaching tips on Henry, but…although I knew this ending was coming, it feels a little off. I’m not sure how to describe it. He kinda just...feels like he’s back in the same spot he was in s1, in a way

[kitchenisking]

Fic Rec🙈

Calculated Risk by sparkandwolf (thatnerdemryn)  - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 6013, sterek)

“Will I survive?” Derek whined behind him, his grip on Stiles' wrist tightening. Stiles couldn’t look at him, knowing one glance might change his mind. 

The Queen considered his question, tilting her head at him. “You will survive if you’re in love.”

Physical Chemistry by alisvolatpropiis - (Rating: Mature, Words: 1670, sterek)

Stiles has a thing for Professor Hale's beard.

Aggression by mikkimouse - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 1332, sterek)

Based on this TFLN post: "I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool."

I Wanna Let Go And Know That I'll Be Alright by orphan_account - (Rating: Mature, Words: 21967, sterek)

When Scott tells Stiles to 'take a step back' from pack life, Stiles takes it as an invitation to get his life back on track - sans the supernatural.

You'll be my resolution by Jmeelee  - (Rating: Mature, Words: 6511, sterek)

“Stiles, is it true you got kicked out of the community center yesterday?” His father asks him the following morning. He’s standing at Stiles’ apartment door, eyes tired above puffy, bruised skin. He’d worked the night shift, and word travels fast.

“Yup,” Stiles admits. 

The Sheriff levels a look at Stiles, one he hasn’t seen since he was a teenager running around at all hours of the night chasing the supernatural. “Now, dare I ask why you got kicked out?”

“I was trying to help Derek Hale.”

“Help him?” 

“Yeah, it’s my New Year’s resolution.”

His father rolls his eyes. “Well, that sounds like it will end in disaster. Good luck.”

Good Intentions by yodasyoyo - (Rating: T, Words: 6452, sterek)

In which Stiles thought he fake wolf-married Derek twenty-six years previously. Turns out it wasn't as fake as he thought.

The Perilous Adventures of Police Dog Derek by dr_girlfriend - (Rating: T, Words: 4602, sterek)

“Seriously, though.” Stiles squints at his dad. “Since when did you start talking to yourself? Did empty nest syndrome really hit you that hard?”

John goes back around the counter, flipping the bacon in one skillet and then stirring up some eggs in the other. 

“I was talking to Scout,” he says placidly.

“Who the fuh — fudge is Scout?”

John rolls his eyes. “Scout, say hi.” BOOF! Stiles jumps, spilling hot coffee down his arm.

“Jesus!” he yelps. He licks his dripping arm — waste not, want not — and then rounds the kitchen island.

Sitting there, looking way too smug, is — well, he’s not exactly willing to bet the house on it, but Stiles is 99% sure that that’s a motherfucking werewolf.

The coolest wolf in the whole wide world by dearericbittle (dutchmoxie) - (Rating: T, Words: 8254, sterek) Stiles is surprisingly good at being a wolf. Like, super good at control, loves the drama of making weird entrances, and determined to try all the things. Because he has to find out what’s different about being a wolf. And Derek is going to be his Yoda, whether he wants to or not. Only Stiles is pretty sure Yoda never smelled this good.

The Story of Us (By Dancing Steps) by ElStark - (Rating: G, Words: 9341, sterek)

Stiles and Derek meet when they're 7 and 8 years old at their first Ballet lesson. 

-

[ People always said that where Stiles was grace, Derek was strength. And he didn’t disagree, there was something in the way that Derek moved through the motions, a boldness and confidence that communicated pure strength. But it also had an elegance to it that always left Stiles staring, completely enraptured whenever he saw him dance. And this time was no different. 

Derek gestured him to come closer and he went easily. “You’re Odette.”

“Excuse me?” Stiles arched an eyebrow and Derek rolled his eyes.

“Do you want me to show you, or not?”

Stiles huffed and muttered, “This doesn’t feel emasculating at all.” Under his breath, but put himself in position in front of Derek as asked. He squinted when he saw Derek trying to hold off a grin from his reflection in the mirror. “You’re an asshole.” Stiles told him and Derek gave up all pretences, grinning widely at him. ]

-

AKA The Ballet AU that was long due for my husband Charlie.

Call a Richard's Nickname by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) - (Rating: T, Words: 14242, sterek)

“What would we call it?” Stiles asked, ignoring Scott. “Like, it’d have to be catchy, it’s gonna be hard to market.” 

“Call a Dick,” Jackson said immediately. 

“Dude, we can’t market a business with the word ‘dick’ in it, that’s not gonna fly. No one will print that. And what are we gonna do, emblazon the side of the building with a huge penis?” Stiles had to admit, it would be hilarious, but probably taken down by the city relatively quickly. 

“It’s clear, it’s concise, it explains exactly what we offer.” 

“It can’t have the word dick in it, Jackson,” Stiles insisted with a sigh, leaning back and thinking on it.

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen, and hello every butch reading this. I need your help.

I don't know where to begin, this has veen a problem for me for almost a decade now. I've followed you (Jen) for a few years now, and you're a very comforting figure to my brain, so I was hoping you and possibly others could help me out a bit. If not answers, then some good advice, open mindedness, patience, and possibly links to resources and helpful places. I've wanted to reach out to older butches and such about my issues with gender for a while, because I've flipped between a few and always have my mind coming back to butch in some form or another. Whether I act on it between each circle back or not, it stays.

I came out as some flavor of trans around 13, and then moved towards binary FtM around 14 or 15, which is when I met my first partner ever. I've had a ton of jumps back to being just kind of butch but in a weird middle butch state of not lesbian, not ftm, not anything but butch. I grew up in the midwest for 10 years (starting at 10,) and came out as a lesbian at 11 or 12. Regardless of how I was identifying in highschool, I was bullied and catcalled as a lesbian my whole childhood, seen as a d/ke, called it, I got the worst of it all, had girls try to kick my ass and dudes try to "turn me." I hung out with the fem cishet alt girls half my height and half my weight, carried them around, I was the ugly tall bitch that protected them. Had a wicked shaved head, wearing mens clothes handmedown, mens boots, brought a swiss army knife everywhere and my own wallet and housekeys. Getting pencils thrown at my head, smoking weed in the girls room, forced to change in the gender neutral stall for gym cause the school didnt know what to do with me. Guys would honk as they went past and shout dyke at me, so I started trying to blend in with highlighter shirts and jeans etc. Typical midwestern shit. I feel that despite now living as a man, i had the lived experience since a very young age (even before moving to the midwest,) of a butch. I am now fully living life as a cis man, stealth, and dating an amazing queer trans dude whose possibly genderfluid, and also very fem. He also identified as a lesbian for a long time and experienced a lot of toxicity there, and was nonbinary in his past, and I met him when he was agender and queer. He's amazing, I'm going to marry him, and he's everything I love in a partner. Feminine, went to cosmetology school, pretty nails, chubby, likes to bake and shop and wants to cook me steak, wants me to carry his stuff and his groceries, calls me his scary dog privleges, wants to scratch my sideshave. He realized he was trans and came out after we met, and I've been his biggest support against everything else, and I always will be. I love him, I'm attracted to him and he's the only person i ever have been. So I dont think I qualify anymore as a butch, despite using the term and being a butch for so many years. I was a butch, I still feel it even if I'm not really into many people at all including women (also on the aro/ace spectrum haha), but now I'm a man, I have a beard, I have a boyfriend I will never leave, who knows how I feel and loves me and we both know no matter where we end up gender wise or sexuality wise that pretty much me and him are it, and if it contradicts, who gives a shit, yknow?

My dating history has always been feminine nbs, feminine trans boys, and femme lesbians. I have never dated a masculine cis man, masculine nb, anyone masculine at all. For lack of better terms due to my situation, I have always been butxh4femme and at least masc4fem. I have always been the guardian and gentle giant of my fem partners, I also am mostly a stone butch due to sexual trauma and asexuality. Due to my aroace-ness, I've also hardly dated literally anyone lmao! Maybe 3 people longterm and seriously in my entire 21 years. This is getting really long, and I'll be honest, I've been yelled out of all communities I've been in for being so damn complicated. I'm scared I'll hurt mt partner and he'll feel I don't see him as he is, I'm scared I'll hurt lesbians despite living and growing as one most of my life, I'm scared I'll hurt me by identifying as butch because I feel like I'll have to detransition. I also kinda look fuck ugly without a beard nowadays, cause lord knows I've shaved that shit fullon twice now because of this exact issue.

I want to be called sir, and I love being on T. I hate getting a period, and my bottom dysphoria is agonizing, but I probably wont get bottom surgery. I want to not be catcalled. I want to get top surgery eventually, and maybe I don't want a full beard. I wanna cut all the sleeves off my shirts again and get some sexy workboots and jeans. I know I want my pretty femboy boyfriend on my arm forever, I don't care how he ends up identifying or me either, and to see him wear his dress on our wedding day. I want to be butch but still be seen as a man, but I don't think I'm allowed because so many people have shit on me for it and said I'm not. But I still wear my keys on my belt. I still lift the heavy shit, emotionally or physically, every day for him. I still do my role, I still protect the people around me. But I don't want people to look at me when I say butch and assume me or my boy are women, out of respect for him and me too.

Advice needed, please, anybody that's willing to help me and help me find my path. It's been so back and fourth so long. Thank you.

- R

i am sorry for taking so long. Fall is a very busy season with all my jobs ramping up and getting ready for winter on the homestead.

Your writing was a lot to absorb and I admit I read it several times and had to come back because it weighed on my emotions and heart heavily. I was driving tractor last night so I had lot of thinking time. I went over in my head how you much feel, how I could possibly answer this with any coherant advice or even just some comforting words.

You are only 21, my advice if you were my child (i have 3--25 year olds, a 22 year old and a 16 yo), would be to slow your roll. 3 serious relationships by 21 is a lot. At a time when we are sort of socially and mentally programmed to be free and using our energy to exlplore our individuality you were putting efforts into maintaining viable relationships with other people who were probably also trying to figure themselves out. I was 23 before I even had one serious relationship and i was probably still NOT ready for it.

When we never live a single life or a life on our own it becomes hard to separate who we are from our partner. It is normal to bounce off of each other and to both want badly to share the same values, identity and interestes EVEN if as individuals those things might never have lined up.

I am NOT a therapist nor can I possibly know you or your exact feelings, I can only go by what you told me. When I am asked for advice I am honest but kind, go from my experiences and or those stories I have been told by friends. Sometimes what I say is NOT what you want or expected to hear. That is okay. You can take what I say or leave it. Or use what helps, ignore what doesn't . So here it goes.

My point about you both meeting young,and thus relying on each other to work on your individuality comes into play here. You are both, I am guessing around 21. Neither of you have had any time to forge exactly who you are. Stastically what are the chances of two women who both lived as a lesbian meeting after you transitioned  and the partner ALSO being trans but not coming out until AFTER the fact. Until after the relationship has progessed.? Speaking in terms of how many trans people are in the population that feels like quite a statistical anomally. What are the chances? Now I suck and math and I know the percentage of any given population in the LGBT+  community as compared to greater society seems sketchy, based on shitty research and at best a bad guess. It just gives me a bit of pause and might give you some food for thought, a chance to think over outside influence vs life long dysphoia or other factors. 

 I preface this by saying I can in no way know you or your partner or pasts or any actual feelings, only what you have told me. I appreciate your stark honesty and your willingness to admit you are struggling. Reaching out is hard even as an anon. Is it in any way possible your partner was influenced heavily by wanting badly to share your life, your values, to feel more inline with you and to feel more close to you and to solidify the relationship in a space that she perceives as more comfortable to you. OR perhaps even your friend group?  

You talk aboout pressure from all sides to be this or be that and if you are a trans man I am sure she was getting not too subtle pressure to not use lesbian even though she was maybe just fine with that, it felt right. There is a vicious push from inside the house to tell people how to describe their sexuality and relationship when it is no one’s business. Others feel uncomfortable when two people live their lives as they see fit and don’t rely on how people perceive them to be happy. It makes some people nuts  in fact. 

To your concern about detransitioning or not or what makes you happy. I know detransitioners and they slide just fine back into the lesbian community they used to have or they have found their own new lesbians friend group. It is not impossible. At many events I have been to in my life, women’s festivals included, there were tans men there who lived soley as men outside the protective walls of women spaces but were happy to be seen as women within the safety of the limited time and space of the event. You can find community among lesbian no matter how you land, it just takes a little bravery and ultimately being okay with yourself. 

I am not going to tell you it is easy no matter the path you choose. Reidentifying as a woman with a full beard and staying on T is never going to be as easy as just saying “I am THIS “. You would have to spend time coming back out, explaining etc until such a time you formed a community who knows you and understands your past. 

Everything you described that you love is everything I love about being butch, I am short, 5′3 so I didn’t experience some things like you have as tall woman in high school, BUT I was definitely clocked as a lesbian even with great effort to be seen has just wearing “typical midwestern shit”. My entire wardrobe was T shirts, sweatshirts, jeand and tennis shoes. I gave up my beloved cowboy boots because others said they made me “look even more like a boy” and in the 1980′s I tranlated that to “butch lesbian” even if I did not have those words. I knew damn well what they were inferring.  

I also know lesbians who take T and remain in the lesbian community, they just feel they need to pass more as men in the larger world for their peace of mind, safety, job, whatever. So deciding that lesbian and butch is right for you does not mean you can’t continue to utilize tools that help you to feel okay. 

This is getting a bit long and I will admit I am unendingly biased, I have never denied that and don’t hide the fact that I think being a butch lesbian is wonderful. GIven all the factors and insecurities you have shared with me being a butch seems like the path of least resistance. Cutting back on T, not constantly worrying about “am I or am I not” and getting back to the basics of what you seemed to understand as you were coming out, before there was transitioning on your table. EVEN in the face of bullying and knowing being a lesbian was not desirable to the outside world you could not escape it and you came out. Perhaps because when you can’t escape you meet something head on and embrace it since that pulls power from the outsiders. 

When you and your partner are alone, away from all others. In the safety of you bed, talking softly and about your day or your plans tomorrow, the world gets no say. You both know that is true in your hearts and please don’t let those in the world, in our own community poison that with pressure and accusations. DO NOT give them control of  your heart, of your love. 

Best of luck and butch hugs to you.

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Some Like It Rough

Gif credit @bodybebangin

18+ fic. SMUT SMUT AND MORE SMUT.

Taglist @ackles-nhl. @cbouvier23.

Hope everyone enjoys it.

Happy reading dollies

"I needed you. Where were you tonight"? Kayce sat on the edge of the bed holding his ribs.

"I was out with Beth". You leaned over and grabbed the medical bag.

"For six hours"!? Kayce hissed when you pressed on his side.

"We talked, she drank...a lot. Then we played some pool at the bar". You tell him wrapping his ribs up.

"Meet any guys"? Kayce nibbled on his lip, looking up at you.

"Not this again. I didn't talk to anyone except Beth and the bartender".

"Was he a guy"!? Kayce grunted as he tried to lay down on the bed. You huffed and put the medical bag back in the bathroom.

"Yes, he was. We hooked up in the bathroom while Beth table danced. He also has a wife and a kid on the way". You lied about two things but Kayce didnt care even if you joked. He was jealous.

"I think you should go stay with your parents. We need some time". Kayce sighed, getting comfortable in the bed.

"Why? So you can go fuck every girl you see? Thats what you want? Go for it". You aggressively grabbed your duffel bag and started stuffing your clothes inside. "You wanna know something, the whole time we talked we talked about you and I. Like I couldn't shut up about you. Beth was there ask her. Because I know she wont lie for me". You scoffed and grabbed your keys.

"Y/N, I'm sorry".

"I'm tired of your sorrys. You start a fight and then apologize. We never solve anything. I'm sick of it. That's all we do, since you got back. You need to grow up and figure out what you want whether it has me in it or not. Figure out your shit". You slammed the door behind you. Kayce had a lot to think about. First he hated being alone when he was hurt. He needed comfort. So he went to his big sister.

"So what was this fight about this time"? Beth lit up a cigarette.

"What happened at the bar"? Kayce relaxed in his rocking chair with a groan holding his side.

"We talked and I got a drink. What's all this about? I thought you two were good"?

"We were but I guess my jealousy took over. She came home looking good. Guys must have talked to her. Drooling over her and shit".

"The only guy we talked to was the bartender. He was nice. But married".

"So you didn't table dance"? Kayce chuckled when he figured out he was an asshole.

"Hell no. I'm not that drunk". Beth laughed.

"I think you owe her more than just a shit I'm sorry. You need to fuck her brains out". Beth looked at Kayce seriously.

"I'm not talking about this with you". Kayce gasped getting up from the rocking chair.

"I'm a girl. I know what we want. We want a hard rough fuck and a man that knows what the hell he wants. Not some chicken shit. So grow up and tell that girl you love her. And fuck her brains out". Beth sat back in her chair proudly. She knew her shit.

"Well, it'll have to be a slow fuck cause I'm banged up". Kayce laughed with a hiss.

"Just give her that dick good and she'll know you love her".

"Oh my god. I'm leaving. My sister just said good dick in the same sentence. Have a good night. Thanks". Kayce struggled as he tried leaning over to kiss Beth's head.

"That was the pg version. I could've gone graphic. You know me". She laughed as Kayce shook his head and limped down to his car.

Kayce knew what he wanted. He wanted you. He needed you. Kayce called your cell and nothing. He called your parents, nothing. He was starting to get worried. But he knew you wouldn't go stay with friends cause they would tell so he searched at the hotels around. Only two near the house. One was a nice place and the other was a hole in the wall.

"Is there a Y/N Dutton registered here"? Kayce asked the night clerk at the front desk of the nice place.

The lady typed on the computer. "Sorry no ones named that here".

"Can you try Y/N Y/L/N"? Kayce knew if you didnt use the Dutton last name then you would use your last name.

"She's here. Room 204. But am I allowed to give you her number? You a serial killer or something"? She was hesitant on giving Kayce the key.

This made Kayce chuckle. "No ma'am, I'm her boyfriend. We're in a long distance relationship right now but she's thinking about moving here". Kayce made up something so she would give him the key.

"Alright but if I find her in the morning dead, I saw your face and I will identify you. I'm not scared of you". The clerk pulled out a shotgun.

"Yes, ma'am. That's not going to happen though. You may hear some screaming and moaning but that's not from what you're thinking of". Kayce blushed a little but was honest, he didnt want her busting in and pointing that shotgun at him.

"You do you, boo. Go get your girl". She smiled and patted his hand as she passed him the key. Kayce snickered and started up the what felt like a hundred stairs. He groaned and grunted as he walked up holding his side. In his mind he was just hoping he was able to make you moan and not pass out at your feet.

Kayce knocked on the door. "Who is it"? Kayce heard your voice and smirked.

"Room service". Kayce disguised his voice.

The door opened and his eyes went wide, you cracked the door open in a towel. You had just got out of the shower.

"Kayce, what are you doing here"?

"Um, I, god you're beautiful". Kayce stepped in, licking his lips. He grabbed you by the waist and captured your lips with his. He closed the door behind him with his boot and your towel fell to the floor.

"Kayce"? You gasped when Kayce lifted you up, your legs immediately went around his waist. His calloused hands dug into your back as he kissed you.

Kayces knees hit the bed and he slowly laid you down. He released your lips and stood back.

You closed your legs and covered your chest.  "Don't hide from me". Kayces husky voice made you tremble. Your inner thighs became wet. The heat from your center was radiating off of you.

Kayce smirked as he brought his shirt over his head and threw it across the room. He kicked off his boots and unbuckled his pants, letting them fall to the floor. When he first came he was hurting but as soon as he saw you. What pain?

He was already so hard. He could have hammered a nail with his hard on.

"Open your legs, baby. Let daddy see". Only a few times has Kayce went daddy and every time the night was amazing so you hardly ever done it so it could be special.

You let out a squeak, your legs falling open. Kayce smirked to himself when he saw how wet you were already. He took his middle  finger and touched your clit. You thought you could have came right there. You bit your lip to quiet your moans.

Kayce chuckled, his slipped his fingers through your slit with ease, massaging your with his palm. "You like when daddy does this, dont you"? Kayce evil chuckled. You nodded.

Kayce bent down and got on his knees, he grabbed you by the hips and pulled you to the edge of the bed. He started kissing your inner thighs. His beard tickled, but you loved it.

"Mmm". You started to buck your hips but Kayce held you down with his strong hands.

"Someone's eager". Kayce was inches away from your clit, you felt his hot break on your pussy lips. You felt yourself get wetter.

Kayce took the tip of his tongue and flicked your clit. Making you whimper to be touched.

He flattened out his tongue and pressed hard against your clit and started wiggling his tongue.

"Fuck". You gasped, your hand went to his hair.

He sucked on your clit, his middle and index finger teasing your entrance then slowly pushing in. It was driving you crazy for him not to be rough on you.

"Daddy". You moaned his name and he went faster. It encouraged him to go rougher. His fingers went in deep and rough. His middle finger pushing against your g-spot. "Oh fuck". One hand tangled in his hair and the other one holding on to the sheets.

"I'm gonna cum". Kayce sucked you clit as he looked up at you, his fingers never losing their pace. "I'm cumming. I'm cumming". You screamed over and over as you felt your first orgasm take over your body. It trembled and shaked as he kept fingering. He let go of your clit with a pop. Your hand reached down and stopped his. You couldnt take it.

"Such a good girl for daddy". Kayce grinned smacking his lips as he climbed up your body. He helped you scoot up the bed. His eyes never leaving yours. You let out a giggle, a blush upon your face.

"I just wanted to say...". You cut Kayce off by a kiss to the lips.

"Shut up and fuck me". You pulled Kayce on top of you. Wrapping your legs around him, a knot tied with your legs so he couldnt go anywhere.

"Yes, ma'am". Kayce gladly did as he was told.  He lined himself up and pushed in. God, he stretched you in all the right places.

"Fuck, baby". Kayce mumbled into your skin of your chest. He started kissing along your collarbone, kissing your neck.

Kayce picked up his pace and his  thrusts were deep and long. His hands resting on your back.

"I love you. I'm sorry for being jealous". Kayce spoke between kisses and thrusts.

"I forgive you". You kissed his chest and nibbled at his ear lobe. "I love you so much. Fuck". You threw your head back into the bed when Kayce thrusted in the right angle. God, did he know your body or what.

"You gonna cum again"? Kayce chuckled as he felt you start to squeeze his cock. You let out a whimper and a nod.

"Cum for daddy". Those words sent you straight to the stars. Your orgasm exploded around Kayce. His cock still thrusting as your orgasm still fired away. He was close. So close. Your walls were milking him.

"Fuck". Kayce grunted, his head fell to your chest as he came. His hot seed covered your walls. You wrapped your arms around him and held him as both your orgasms exhausted both of you. You laid there until he went soft and he pulled out of you. Getting under the covers, Kayce pulled you into his arms with a kiss to your sweaty forehead.

"I'm truly sorry that I always let my jealousy get in the way of our relationship. I'm going to work on that. Because I know you would never cheat on me". Kayce said as he cuddled you in more.

"I would never cheat on you, ever. Especially after that. Holy fuck that was amazing. You definitely out did yourself there Mr. Dutton". You giggled, moving a piece of hair from his face.

Kayce chuckled. "You'll have my sister to thank for that. She told me what you wanted".

"So you did talk to Beth and found out that I'm a good girl". You teased.

"I know that's a lie. But I know that you want me and I want you. I was just being bullheaded. I'm sorry".

"I forgive you. Now". You cleared your throat. "How bad are your ribs hurting"?

"Not to bad. Why"? Kayce eyed you.

"I want a ride again, cowboy". You pushed him on his back and climbed aboard the Kayce train. You were never getting off no matter how jealous Kayce was or how angry you were about it. You both loved each other and that wasn't going to change.

[mysticalrambling]

Hello

I m new on your blog and read your work and i fell in love with your stories. I read you were interested in taking request so can you take my request too? I was wondering if you can write a steve rogers x reader, where y/n is his girlfriend and he leaves her after civil war and then they see each other in infinity war, he tries to patchup with her but she ignores him because in past he often compared her to peggy and also because she knew about him kissing sharon and she is hurt. During the fight she doesn't talks to him and when tony returns from space she still continues to ignore Steve and when he confronts her she snaps at him for hurting her for a long time. He apologizes and somehow they makeup and also him kissing sharon was misunderstanding because sharon kissed him. And then they are happy together and also in endgame the reader is worried steve will stay in past but he comes back and they get married with the team present and have kids and live happily

Happily Ever After (S.R)

A/N: Thank you so much lovely and I loved the plot line. I loved writing about it and I made a few additions to the story. Hope you like it and I am open to more requests.

Steve Rogers Fanfiction (Fanfiction Master List)

Summary: Steve comes back after Civil War and you are angry with him because he left you. You do not forgive him because you thought he cheated on you and he always compared you with Peggy. But he returns from the past when he chose you over Peggy and you forgive him. You eventually get married and expand your family.

Warnings: Angst but eventual fluff.

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He stood right there in his Captain America shield with all his former glory. Your ex boyfriend looked the same but there were some differences like he had a full grown beard and he was more muscular. He kept staring at you with longing and pain but it was not even the half of what you experienced while he was gone.

“(Y/N), you need to take the position left to Steve.” Tony pulled you out of your trance and you just stared at him when you comprehended his order. He had been there for you from the moment Steve left you after the Civil War. Sitting with you when you couldn’t sleep at night and forcefully feeding you when you spent the whole day starving. He didn’t want you anywhere near Captain but you both always worked best together and there were much more important matters at hand.

“But Tony, I can be with Steve.” As much as Rhodey wanted to be away from all of the people that were responsible for his fall, he didn’t want you to suffer. They all had seen you fall apart on the Avenger base when you realised that your boyfriend left without saying good bye to you and without an explanation. Just telling Tony on a voice message to take care of you wasn’t enough.

“I’ll be okay, Rhodey. You are needed near the buildings so if some of the aliens escape our defenses, you can be there to protect the city.”

All of the avengers kept stealing glances at the both of you because they knew that it was only a matter of time before you exploded. But they were wrong. You were not the stubborn, hot headed woman that did not let anyone walk over her. That woman died when Steve left. He took her with himself.

"Take your positions and give them hell." Steve and you made your way towards your designated place.

"(Y/N), listen to me. I-"

"Do not talk to me. We are done." Keeping your eyes trained on the path, you avoided meeting his eyes.

"But, let me explain. I did not have a choice. You sided with Tony and I couldn't tell you that we were leaving." He tried to catch up with you but you were a woman on a mission.

"I did not side with Tony, I sided with the accords. And I was working my ass off to get you all out of there and I looked like a fool in the end." He collided in you as you abruptly stopped in your tracks.

"(Y/N), I didn't know-"

"You didn't know because you never tried to contact me. I was the one who had to go through multiple trials with the government because they thought I helped you all to escape." There were tears pooling in your eyes and Steve wanted to kill himself for being the cause. "I was benched for four months, for Gods sake."

You are reminded of those horrible times when you didn't know what your next step was going to be. The others tried to help you but you had to suffer through all the criticism alone. Some days you just wanted to leave it all behind and start a new life. But you weren't a coward. You wouldn't let anyone run over you like this and ruin your life. Getting back up was tough but you managed it. The day that you were allowed back on the field was the day that you decided you were not going to let anyone ruin your life.

"(Y/N), I made a mistake and I missed you so much." He tried to touch you but you flinched. A look of hurt passed his eyes and retracted his hands.

"Let's just fight. I want to kick some ass." The war crafts soon landed and you all got to fight. You had to admit that Steve was one of the best teammate that you had. He knew when to defend you and when to let you attack. You were busy fighting two of the aliens when one came from the back. Steve saw it and immediately came to your defense. You were never going to admit it but you missed this.

When the fight ended, you both made your way towards the main compound and saw all the avengers gathered together. Steve and you only had minor cuts throughout your body but nothing major. The moment you saw what all the commotion is about, your breath hitched. It was Tony with half of his skin burnt and taking his last breath.

Kneeling down beside him, you started crying. "Hey, it's okay. Just be happy and do not hold on to old grudges. Take care of family for me, please." Pepper was beside you and she started crying harder when she heard him. "Steve, come here for a second."

"I am so sorry for everything. You will always be my friend, Stark."

"We both were in the wrong, Cap. For what it's worth, do not lose (Y/N) because she is the best thing that has happened to you."

Tony was on his last breaths now and you both moved aside because Pepper wanted to have some last moments with him. There were some rifts in the team since the civil war but at this moment, you all were in this together. Tony was the one who brought you all together and saved many of you from your abusive lives. He was your best friend and you didn't know how you would spend your life without his sarcastic comments and his new inventions.

"You go, Tony. We are going to be okay. I love you." The words that left Pepper were a mere whisper but because of the pin drop silence, you were able to hear her.

"I love you too," Uttering his last words, he finally closed his eyes and all that could be heard were Pepper's wails of agony. Everything after it was a blur; the med bay, the briefing, the funeral. Time seemed to pass you by and you were numb the whole time. It was like a large piece of your heart was torn away from you and you didn't know how to react.

"(Y/N), can we talk?" Natasha lightly knocked on your door before you muttered a small come in. She looked around the room and noticed the lack of pictures in your room. The warmth that once radiated from your room was now gone. There were pictures of you with the team, with Steve and with Natasha. You liked to capture all the memories and it was one of the things the team loved about you.

"Hi."

"Hello. I just wanted to see how you were doing after everything."

"I am fine. Just processing everything." The loose thread on your blanket was the main focus of your attention right now.

"You don't seem fine. I know you, (Y/N)."

"No, you don't." Scoffing at her ridiculous statement, you felt anger bubbling inside your chest. "You were one of the first people who became my friend when I came to this tower. You knew I couldn't live without Chris and you. You both were my support system."

"(Y/N), I wanted to tell you everything. Believe me, I did. But we had to keep it a secret because we had to protect the other avengers as well."

"I have been listening to this reason from the past few days and I am done. I was ready to help you guys and you could have just contacted me once. I didn't know if you were dead or alive."

"I am sorry. I wanted to do it but it was never the right time. Half of the times you were surrounded by government officials. Can you forgive me?" The red head came and sat next to you on the bed.

"I can but I don't know if we can go back to the way things were."

"It's okay. We will be friends again. And as a new friend, I just want to tell you that Steve was miserable these past two years and he loves you so much."

"I don't want to talk about him, Nat. Let's go to the gym and spar."

"I am going to kick your ass as alway, (Y/L/N)."

"I have been practicing, Romanoff." You both went on to sparring and Natasha won in the end. However, the whole day you kept thinking about your ex boyfriend. He had been trying to talk to you from the past two weeks. It was hard for you to ignore him but you were now reminded of the times when he compared you with Peggy.

The small things that you did was always met with criticism like Peggy did not work in the field like this or Peggy wouldn't talk to him like a brat. Apparently, she was the mature one and you could never compare to her. Most of the times, you tried not to let the comments get to you but you were human. He might have done it unintentionally and you didn't want to hold it against him. But it hurt.

"We are going to talk today and you are not going to run away this time." He blocked you in the kitchen when you came out of your room to drink some water.

"Funny how you are saying that I am the one that is running away. Hypocrite much now, are we?"

"(Y/N), I am apologising to you because I can't live without you."

"You did so well for two years, I don't know why it is a problem now."

"I understand that you are angry with me. I wanted to be with you so bad but my duty as Captain prevented me from it." Your face was turned away from Steve but you turned towards him when you heard the words leave his mouth.

"Your job is more important than me?" Enraged, all you could see was red and you wanted to punch the daylights out of him.

"I thought it was but not anymore. You are the most important thing in my life and I don't want to lose you."

"Well, you have other women in your life so you don't need me."

"What other women?" Steve's confused gaze swept over your face when you spit those words out.

"I know about Sharon. You kissed her when we were still together. You cheated on me and I hate you for it." Pointing your fingers at his chest, you didn't realise when your voice started to rise.

Steve held your hands and pulled you close to his chest. "Sharon kissed me and I immediately backed off. I would never cheat on you."

You couldn't believe your ears right now. This was one of the things that helped you get over Steve. Believing that he cheated on you, made it a lot easier for you to despise him. Granted that never happened but it was still easier. However, he was still stuck in the past and he did not want to admit it.

"Even if Sharon is not a problem, you are still stuck in the past."

"What do you mean?"

"You are still in love with Peggy and I can not be your second choice anymore."

"Peggy has got nothing to do with this. She is dead and I love you."

"But I would have never been the one you loved if Peggy was here."

"That's not true. You both are totally different people and I love you now." Steve didn't know how to explain it to you. The things he felt for you were totally different for what he felt for Peggy. You made his breath hitch and his heart pounded whenever you smiled at him. He was so in love with you that he didn't think it was possible to love someone this much.

He knew that he compared you with Peggy before he left but at that time he was not ready to leave the past. It was unfair of him to do that to you while you tried very hard to meet all his expectations. However, he realised afterwards that you did not have to meet any of his expectations because you exceeded all of them. He felt so guilty and he just wanted to have you back in his life and forget about all the things that happened.

"I don't believe you."

"Please do. I want us to be okay before I go to return all the stones."

"You do that and then we can talk about us." He gave you a quick peck on the cheek before you could say anything. You were pretty sure that would stay back with Peggy and that's why you didn't want to reconcile things. You didn't want him to break your heart again.

"Ready to go, Cap?" Scott asked as he rechecked the time machine again. Everyone glanced at each other when he said that because they all thought that Steve might remain in the past for Peggy. They all had their doubts but everyone was scared to say them out loud. "You only have five seconds to get back before you are stuck."

"Ready." He glanced at you one last time and stepped in to the machine. You held your breath as Scott counted out loud and when he reached the number four, you were sure that he wasn't coming back. You were about to turn back when a snapping sound echoed throughout the room.

"I told you I will come back." Coming to a halt right in front of you, you couldn't believe your eyes. You pulled him in and kissed him ferociously.

"I love you."

"I love you too and remember that no one compares to you. I am really sorry."

"It's okay. You passed the test." When you both kissed again, all of your friends cheered for you.

As time passed by, you realised that Steve was the best person you could have possibly ended up. He was the literally the man of your dreams. Waking up to him every morning, cuddled up in your bed to going to bed with him kissing you goodnight. Steve made you breakfast every morning even when he was getting late and weekends were only reserved you.

The day that he proposed was still so clear on your mind. You remembered how he was nervous for a week that you thought something was seriously wrong with him. He would stutter and sweat when you got too close to him like it was a new relationship. There was a barbecue for the whole team on the compound and you all were gathered around the garden with drinks in hand. Everyone was enjoying it to the fullest when out of nowhere Steve knelt in front of you with a ring in his hand. After listening to his speech, you said yes with tears in your eyes.

"Are you ready?" Natasha asked you as she smoothed down your wedding dress that you spent months picking out.

"Yes." Pepper helped Morgan with the flower basket because the seven year old wanted to be the flower girl.

"Okay, then it's time." Walking down the aisle was worth it when you saw the adoration flicker in his eyes. He said some of the most heart warming words that had you ruining your eye makeup. It was a beautiful ceremony that only included close family and friends. You wanted a private wedding and you announced it to the world the next day. They all went crazy but the positive response was overwhelming to say the least.

Four months in to the wedding, you realised you were pregnant. Natasha was the one who sat beside when you waited for the test while Pepper brought a million of them for you. You were scared to tell him because you never discussed the possibility of having kids in detail.

"Just tell him. He is going to be ecstatic." Natasha tried to soothe you when you started crying with your face in between your hands.

"Okay. Steve will be home anytime soon."

"We should probably get going." Pepper and Natasha made their way towards the door and gently closed it.

"Hey, babe." Kissing you on the cheek, he immediately went to the washroom to take a shower.

"We need to talk."

"Sure. What's up?"

"I am pregnant." Blurting it out was not what you had planned but you couldn't think of another way. He stopped folding his armor midway and just looked at you with disbelief in his eyes.

"Are you serious? Oh my god. When did you find out? I am so happy, baby."

"I found out about an hour ago. And you are seriously happy?"

"Of course, I am. We will have a mini you or me with us in nine months. I love you, baby."

"I love you too." Keeping his hands on your stomach, he hugged you tightly and you knew that you got your happy ending. You were one of the luckiest people alive because you have a husband like Steve and now you were going to have family with him.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

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A/N: I love Captain America and I was happy to write a fanfiction about him. If you guys have any more request, I will be happy to write about them and message me if you want to be added to the tag list.

Taglist: @justile 

Like, comment and reblog.

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