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ceasarslegion · 5 months ago

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By the wishes of a few people, here's my advice post about living alone. Keep in mind I'm speaking from the perspective of a canadian urbanite, so this will not apply to absolutely everybody in every kind of culture, economy, living situation, those in rural areas, etc. This also is not assuming wealth disparities are a matter of personal attitude, i KNOW it's complicated. Get back with that shit right now, you know damn well this advice assumes you are able to achieve the financial means to live on your own and is not disparaging anyone who legitimately can't.

Let's cover the basics first.

Source of income:

This seems rather obvious, but your income should be regular and reliably the same or similar on a monthly basis. The most obvious way to achieve this is with a job, and I'm sorry but minimum wage is not going to cut it on your own anymore, which means you're going to have to swallow your pride and accept that you'll likely have to work for some industry or corporation with a dodgy moral record. Get used to it. There is no point in self-flagellation, the world is complicated, just take the 50-60k a year office job, no one actually expects you not to and nobody will hold it against you when the "moral" option is soul-crushing retail. The real world really doesn't give a shit what you have to do to afford a comfortable lifestyle as long as you do what good you can within your abilities, no one in the real world expects you to sacrifice your own wellbeing for a cause.

Salaried positions are your most reliable because you'll always pull the same amount, while hourly pay comes with the ability to pull overtime pay in exchange for more shifts, but if you run out of sick days you'll have to spend the rest of the year taking unpaid time off when you need to call in. Whichever one you choose depends on what's available to you and what's right for you physically and mentally, I can't make that call for you.

You also need a credit card. That is non-negotiable. If you don't have a credit score, you can't sign a lease. Bad credit is better than no credit. We can argue until the cows come home whether or not credit scores are good or bad, but it's just reality that you're going to need one. The good news is it's fairly easy to build credit from no credit: you just have to pay off your credit card in full on time every time. The bad news is it's equally as easy to tank your credit score, you just have to miss one or pay it too late, and it's very hard to build good credit back from bad credit. So don't see it as free money, only spend as much as you can pay back, and if you don't have credit right now, start with small things like lunch and little treats that you immediately pay off.

Looking for a place to live:

Once you have your regular and reliable source of income, you can start looking for your place. There's a few things you should keep in mind:

-Draw up a budget for how much you can spend on rent and bills. That includes all basic living expenses: rent, utilities, food, internet, phone, hygiene. Compare how much you make per month to what you can spend. 1/3 to 1/2 of your salary is a bit more realistic to expect to spend on rent alone nowadays, so work within that range when you apartment hunt. Think of everything when you're budgeting, like how much do you spend on haircuts per month? You probably didn't think of that, because I didn't either at first.

-Apartment buildings with some/all utilities included often have higher base rents. You have to keep in mind that this is so the landlord can balance out the utility bills of the whole building, which are unpredictable expenses and on them to pay every month. If you don't know how to budget yet or don't know how to do so with unpredictable bills, I highly recommend trying to find a place with utilities included so you know EXACTLY how much you'll need to pay every month and can plan in advance

-Older buildings tend to be both cheaper and more likely to have centralized utility systems, which means they have to include it in the price of rent because there's no way to tell who used how much of something. If it's your first place alone, you'll probably be tempted to get the brand new, expensive building down the road, but it won't actually make much of a difference when you move in. You will love it regardless.

-Never ever sign a lease until you've either seen THE unit you're considering, or one of the show units that is exactly the same layout. The last thing you want is to go off online photos only to move in and find out the building has a mold problem. You can arrange personal tours by contacting the building manager or the landlord directly. Phone calls are the best way to do this.

-If you want the unit after seeing it, you know you can afford it, there's nothing funny about the place, apply IMMEDIATELY. Places are usually on the market for a few days before they're snapped up by a new tenant, you have to strike while the iron's hot.

-If you've decided on the place you want and had your application accepted, read the lease carefully before you sign. Many places require tenant insurance that meet specific policy requirements, have registration rules about long-term guests, outline how the parking works, quiet hours, smoking rules, mail, laundry, all the way down to what kind of barbecues are allowed on your deck in the case of mine (I am in a wildfire danger zone, so any types that produce embers are strictly prohibited for fire safety reasons). Ask any question that comes to mind about the lease. Not everything in a lease is some human rights violation just because you don't like landlords, keep in mind you're living in the same building as dozens of other people, so there has to be ground rules established for everyone's sanity.

-Internet is often not considered a utility so you'll have a hard time finding any place that includes it. You can arrange to have your wifi set up in advance of a moving date on a specific time and date, do this right after you sign a lease so you don't forget. They won't charge you until you're actually hooked up to the network.

-If your utilities are NOT included, get those set up in advance too. The main ones are HVAC, water, and electricity. The companies that do this vary depending on where you live and what's available, so shop around online once you've signed your lease and sign up as soon as possible. The last thing you want is to forget this and then move into a dark freezing apartment with no water.

Budgeting:

After your living expenses are covered, you should have a comfortable amount of financial wiggle room leftover. If you wouldn't, the place you're looking at is either too expensive, or you're being overcharged elsewhere. It's completely normal for living expenses to take up most of your budget these days, you're doing just fine in the same boat as everybody else if that's the case, so don't panic yet. If you have absolutely NOTHING leftover though, then you're out of your price range.

You also need to set money aside for fun and saving. Do not forego fun money, your brain will try to kill you with hammers and knives if you never get or do things for yourself. And if you're on your own, you're the only one providing that for yourself now. And a solid building base of savings will only help you in the future, whether you lose your job, have an emergency, or even need a down payment on a house later in life. Don't be a doomer about your circumstances or the socioeconomic and generational cards that were dealt to you, chip away at it a little at a time. And don't fall for social media's insistence that anybody with anything at all is some bourgeois degenerate or that being fortunate enough to be able to have upward mobility makes you some ultra wealthy shithead, working towards a comfortable standard of living for yourself does not make you a rich elite or a bad person. You're working towards the standard we should all live as, not exploiting the poor or being a class traitor. I feel the need to add that last part since we're on the website of "struggling art students in NYC are bourgeois that are just bad with money and having a gaming computer makes you upper middle class." Don't listen to a word any of those people say, I know it comes from a place of very real hurt and pain for them but that doesn't make it grounded in absolute reality for absolutely everybody.

Social needs:

If you're by yourself, there's gonna be a lot more work you have to put in for your social and entertainment needs. I can not stress enough how important it is to give this the time and work it needs, do not neglect this.

Lots of libraries have clubs you can join that will get you out of the house and meeting new people regularly. They're either free or very inexpensive. This is a great place to start.

Take advantage of technology we have now. Hop on discord calls more frequently, make sure you're talking to your friends on the regular and try to make plans as much as you can.

Also, I advise finding lots of things you can do by yourself. You will be spending way more time alone than you ever have before, so find single-person hobbies. Go thrifting, get into knitting, go explore the city, read lots of books, do puzzles, just don't lock yourself inside all day in your free time. Even if you're doing it alone, going out and seeing that the world is bigger than your apartment and your workplace is very good for you.

Misc advice:

You don't need a conventional coffee pot maker. Single serving will suit you just fine.

Cleaning is easier when you have a routine. It doesn't all have to be done on the same day of the week, but having a regular schedule of what gets cleaned when for non-daily chores will help you keep on top of it. And please, god, don't neglect your cleaning and hygiene just because no one lives with you to see it. On that note, spray bottle all purpose cleaners are your best friend for daily spot cleaning and you should deep clean your washroom around every 2 weeks in my experience since that's where you'll be doing most of your personal hygiene. Also make your damn bed, yes you'll just get back into it at the end of the day but having a major part of your space neat and tidy will do wonders for your mental health.

Don't buy the cheap garbage bags. Some things you really do want the expensive shit for.

If you don't have a car, delivery service/rideshare subscriptions ARE worth it and legitimately economical in the long run. I do wanna circle back to square one and say that yes, most of them like prime and uber do have dodgy moral records, but sometimes you just gotta swallow your pride and accept that. Once again, no one in the real world expects you to spend your entire day on public transit looking for toilet paper that isnt 30 dollars a pack or lugging 50 pounds of groceries back on a bus just for a cause. It's not the fault of someone who needs these services for their quality of life that they do the things they do, don't put that responsibility on your or other's shoulders when the fault lies at the top of the corporate ladder.

When you're budgeting for living expenses, expect your income to be at the lowest and your expenses to be at the highest. I expect 2 call ins per month and to need to spend the max amount i have on groceries every time, that way I never fall short and never have to cut into my savings that I've dubbed my "oh shit, I'm broke" money. Your emergency reserve may look tempting to you, but as someone who has been in a position where they had to drain it to nothing in the past because of an unforeseen financial emergency, you REALLY are gonna want that untouched if and when shit hits the fan. Life is unpredictable, prepare to roll with the punches so they don't knock you out.

A few people wanted to be tagged in this, so here you go @lilsnatch and @kisstheashes <3

#i hope this is helpful!#ramblings

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static-hum · 2 years ago

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pulling threads #241323

inflation being spoken of as ‘balloon expands when air blows in’ is embarrassing, terrible, awful. if such childish analogies are attempted in science conferences there will be a lot of humiliation that awaits the speaker. i will now try my own idiot-man’s version of trying to work out my thoughts. from what i understand, the govt prints money into existence lets consider a period of time when it has printed quantity M units of currency. if the country in question now creates goods and services whose value reliably equals M, there is parity - there’s growth because the quantity M in circulation reflects all the goods there are or all the infrastructure there is in the country. now what is G’s best route to do this? let me consider options.. it can either hand this M units of money to banks who then loan it out to companies creating debt that collects interest (which when paid back fully, is M+dM including the return on the bank’s investment), or it can freebie ‘hand it to bigwigs’ by slashing interest rates for bigwigs to near zero. in this second case, real money with real value that can be exchanged for goods is left unconditionally with bigwigs who are ‘trusted to be geniuses wrt investing’. the hope, is that they will create huge manufacturing and other jobs, that build *infrastructure* - i.e. something real and tangible that comes out of said money M as we discussed earlier. now do these hotshots do what we expect them to do? no. the myth seems to be that they will make big factories, employ people to make pots out of clay, machines out of mud, clothes out of plants blahblah and give them salaries for the value they add. the salaries in turn get used up to buy these goods, people carry wealth and ‘development’ as measured by how much total goods+money they hold as their own. in reality, a lot of this money flows out of the economy and lives in shelters. a tiny amount gets invested, but not in anything that reflects value, but in a ‘stock’ that others are encouraged to invest retail in, essentially a rigged exercise the odds of which are usually stacked in favor of the bigwig. the other awful solution is for the govt to take some of the spending and manufacturing tasks into its own hands, and make sure money is handed out after the value is created. here too, people are people and they leach - there is corruption, money flowing to shelters, unfinished useless goods ‘valued’ high by govt releasing funds, bureaucrats doing the swindling this time. plenty-of-evidence that trickle-down econ is a fairlytale, as is now easily googlable. the water that is poured at the top floor mostly flows out to a secret stash outside, and only a miniscule amount even circulates in the real economy for it to trickle anywhere. ultimately, the pot of money M needs to be distributed to people who do the work of making the finished goods in proportion to all they do, including the CEO and the fund managers. one could even pay people in proportion to the risk they take, the stress they swallow. but when M becomes 0.2M because 0.8 flies out to shelters never to be seen again we have a bad system. i think a good answer is to have a mixed system that ‘churns’ regularly, seeing both public and private sides competing. when things get too big on scale they command too much power and call dibs on M. if there’s a fire in the second floor, maybe the water needs to be poured in it to douse it - not on the 51st floor to trickle down. an alternative approach could be to give people some of the amount ‘M’ and ask them to reward whichever production that is most needed by them. if one keeps marketing and hogwash to a tolerable amount people will spend on what they need first - and work jobs to supplement their income with a larger portion of M they command say over, but without living in embarrassingly dire, worthless conditions. europe does some of all this, which is one reason people live more human there and less like beasts. there is a lot of shaggy-dog-stories that pass for deep wisdom in some of these matters, and things don’t fucking work. it’s terrible, awful. unless we all plan to sacrifice our necks to babies wearing golden diapers, it behooves us to at least use our skepticism to try and smell bullshit when it’s dealt.

#econ ramble writing thoughts money

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bestbankingservices · 2 months ago

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Everything to know about Home Loans

Are you dreaming of your own home? Home Loans can make that dream come true. Whether buying your first house or renovating your current one, banks offer home loan solutions tailored to your needs. Let’s walk you through everything you need about Home Loans, from eligibility and documentation to charges and application steps.

Eligibility: Who can apply?

Before applying for a home loan, check if you meet the basic eligibility criteria:

Age: 18-70 years.

Profession: Salaried or self-employed.

Nationality: Must be a resident Indian.

Tenure: Loans are available for up to 30 years.

If self-employed, you need to provide additional documents like your tax returns and proof of income. Adding a co-applicant can also increase your eligibility.

Documents needed

Banks have made the documentation process simple:

Identity Proof (e.g., PAN card, passport, voter’s ID)

Address Proof (e.g., electricity bill, passport)

Income Proof (e.g., salary slip, bank statement)

Property Documents (if you’re buying a home)

Banks also accept alternative documents like a job card or Aadhaar number for those without standard identification documents, making the process accessible to more people.

How to apply for Home Loans with a bank?

Fill out the Application Form: Provide your details and loan amount.

Upload Documents: Submit your identity, address, and income proofs.

Pay Processing Fee: A small fee is charged to process your application.

Get Loan Approval: You’ll receive your home loan once approved!

What are the associated charges?

While home loan interest rates are affordable, there are some additional charges you need to know:

Processing Fees: Up to 0.50% of the loan amount (or Rs. 3300, whichever is higher).

Prepayment/Part Payment Charges: A small fee may apply if you repay early.

Property Document Retention: A fee for holding your property documents.

Delayed Payment Charges: If you miss a payment, HDFC Bank charges up to 18% annual interest.

How do interest rates work?

The interest rate is one of the most important factors to consider when applying for a home loan. Banks offer competitive rates that make owning a home more affordable:

Interest rates start at 8.5% p.a. (subject to eligibility).

Fixed and floating options: Choose the one that suits your budget and financial situation.

The interest rate depends on your credit score, loan amount, and tenure. Banks ensure transparent rates with no hidden fees, so you always know what to expect.

#home loan interest rates

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sathish-1 · 7 months ago

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What You Need to Know about the UK Skilled Worker Visa ?

So, you’re thinking about taking your career to the UK? That's fantastic! The UK has a lot to offer for skilled professionals from all over the world. To make this dream a reality, you’ll need to get familiar with the Skilled Worker Visa uk. It might sound a bit daunting at first, but don't worry—I'm here to break it down for you in simple, straightforward terms.

What’s the Skilled Worker Visa All About?

The Skilled Worker Visa uk is basically your ticket to working in the UK if you’ve got a job lined up that meets certain skill and salary requirements. This visa replaced the old Tier 2 (General) work visa, making things a bit more streamlined. It’s aimed at bringing in talented folks like you who can fill important roles and help boost the UK economy.

Are You Eligible?

First things first, you need a job offer from a UK employer who’s approved by the Home Office. This employer must hold a sponsorship license. The job needs to be at a certain skill level and pay at least £25,600 per year, or the “going rate” for that job, whichever is higher. Plus, you’ll need to show you can speak English well enough to get by.

How Do You Apply?

Here’s a quick rundown of the application process:

Get the Job: Secure a job offer from a UK employer who’s on the list of approved sponsors.

Sponsorship Certificate: Your employer will give you a Certificate of Sponsorship, which is basically a reference number for your visa application.

Online Application: Fill out the visa application online, pay the application fee, and the healthcare surcharge.

Documents: Gather all the necessary documents, like proof of your job offer, English language skills, and that you can support yourself financially.

Biometrics: You’ll need to provide biometric information (fingerprints and a photo) at a visa application center.

Once you’ve submitted everything, you should hear back within three weeks if you’re applying from outside the UK.

Why Go for the Skilled Worker Visa?

There are quite a few perks to getting a Skilled Worker Visa:

Stay Long-Term: You can apply to settle in the UK permanently after five years.

Bring Your Family: Your partner and kids can come with you.

Job Flexibility: You can switch jobs or employers as long as you get a new Certificate of Sponsorship and your new job meets the requirements.

Healthcare Access: You’ll have access to the National Health Service (NHS) after paying the healthcare surcharge.

In a Nutshell

The Skilled Worker Visa UK is a golden opportunity for skilled professionals looking to take their careers to new heights in the UK. As long as you meet the requirements and follow the steps, you’ll be on your way to a new adventure in no time. So, start polishing that CV, reach out to potential employers, and get ready to embark on an exciting journey!

#migration consultant #united kingdom #traveling

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vikasvk · 2 years ago

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Recession Or a Mere Correction from A Business Consultants Lens

The moment we hear the word recession (whichever industry it may be in), our first reaction is that of fear. As soon as we start discussing it, it starts multiplying and spreading like an amoeba. In a situation like such, when ideally business owners should plan their business continuity, they feel pressured to sustain their business and take abrupt and impulsive decisions to reduce their overall costs. The first domain they cut corners on is Marketing and Sales. Whereas, it should be the other way around. As a business growth consultant myself, I believe business owners should take this market crisis as an opportunity to fix the weaklings in their businesses. They should not forget that sales are the only way to bring in revenue, the primary fuel to any business. That’s why at such crucial times, they should ideally strengthen their business development rather than weaken it and focus on thinking out of the box and creating momentary opportunities. In my opinion, this is no recession, this is mere CORRECTION in industries and businesses that boomed because the market was high and in their favour, while they didn’t have the right business ethics and sustainable business plans to stand upright in the face of market adversities. The businesses that didn’t pay attention to their fundamentals are the ones that are suffering and drowning. Strongly rooted organisations focussing on ethics and fundamentals are still growing. Taking an example of the past few years, the growing culture of tech companies has given our industry unprecedented growth. It was the time when all the Big Techs had experienced a big jump in ‘Valuations’ and received massive fundings. That’s what gave them the confidence (or maybe over-confidence) to exploit their funds and bloat their recruitment by offering 1.5x to 4x raises to acquire talent. And in the midst of all this, they forgot to strengthen their fundamentals. While others who did what a business should ideally do like following the right business consulting and guidance when you need it, strategising their business for long-term stability and recruiting talent for genuine skills and growth only have been able to keep up with the changing economic seasons. A few quarters back, we were discussing the GREAT RESIGNATION and here, we are now reading about MASS TERMINATIONS to cut costs. It is simply because earlier big techs had hired mindlessly which caused employees to resign from their existing companies to join the high-paying companies. But quarter after quarter, when these companies couldn’t sustain the costs of those high-salaried employees and drive the output they had initially anticipated, they started to see the revenue needle going down and hence the ‘Mass Terminations’ saga began. The same goes for employees too. Rather than switching jobs for manifold hikes, they need to make a conscious choice to pick and choose jobs based on career stability and growth. I still wonder, how could business owners and C-Level executives get blindfolded by this and not foresee that they will not be able to sustain with such up steep appraisals. How come they didn’t strategically plan and invest their funds in the right sectors or departments? How could they spend all their fundings with no room for emergencies or crises of any form? …Maybe the answer is - Easy Money. Money coming from some of these Investors who only focused on valuations and rather than business fundamentals, market and real growth opportunities.

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sanjayrwt · 2 years ago

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Recession Or a Mere Correction from A Business Consultants Lens

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domesticnct · 4 years ago

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can i get a breadwinner! johnny coming home to his stay at home wife and newborn baby headcanon or one shot (whichever one is more suitable)

Sorry I am horrible at oneshots so here are some lovely headcanons. Also THIS IS TERRIBLE FOR MY BABY FEVER Y’ALL PLEASE REMIND ME I NEED TO GET MY DEGREE FIRST!!!

Johnny works a high powered job at Neo Culture Technology Inc. so he’s at work until pretty late. Normally you don’t mind because his salary is THICC, but due to the recent addition to your family he was at home a lot more.

Because his position is so important, he isn’t able to take a very long paternity leave, but he makes sure you’re well taken care of while he’s gone.

He hires a housekeeper and someone to cook and makes sure your family comes by to check on you and help you with the baby on the days he isn’t able to come home.

But one day he gathered up enough courage to ask his boss Taeyong if he could have some time off to bond with his new baby and spend some much needed time with you and because Taeyong absolutely adores you, he approved it.

He wanted to surprise you, so before coming home he stopped by the store and picked up a bouquet of flowers and your favorite candy. He stopped by your favorite restaurant and picked up some food.

When he got home you were napping on the couch with your three week old in asleep in the baby swing.

When he saw the two of you sleeping so peacefully his heart was filled with love and he didn’t want to disturb you. But this is Johnny so as soon as he went into the kitchen to put everything down he knocked some shit over which made a super loud sound and scared you and the baby awake.

At first you thought someone had broken in so you grabbed your child and were ready to dip, but then Johnny came out scratching the back of his head apologizing.

When you asked him why he didn’t wake you, he said you looked so at peace he didn’t want to disturb you.

Then the two of you would sit down together on the couch while he held your sleeping baby and he would get a little serious. He would apologize for not being around much during the first three weeks of your child’s life and for things being difficult.

You being an emotional and sleep deprived wreck start SOBBING because you feel so loved and cared for in that moment and you knew he was doing his best waking up at night and helping you with the baby and still going to his stressful job all day.

The rest of the week he made sure to be there for you as much as possible. Doing the laundry, cooking meals, and walking the dog because your body was still healing and you needed as much rest as possible.

Even though he wasn’t getting much sleep at night either, he would make sure you were able to rest more because you were still recovering.

But then again this man’s blood is coffee so he’s find with the lack of sleep because he drinks like 5 cups of coffee a day to function anyway.

Johnny is also the SWEETEST dad ever. He takes a million pics of his baby and gets super excited over every little milestone.

He’s always holding the baby and cuddling him and his favorite thing in the world is to have the baby in one arm with you in the other.

When he finally goes back to work, he makes sure he leaves at a reasonable hour and is home in time to spend time with you and the baby.

One of Johnny’s main goals in life was to have a family that he’s able to solely provide for, so it’s his top priority to make sure he’s as involved in family life as possible and his even bigger priority is making sure you’re safe and happy.

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janiedean · 4 years ago

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... the tyrion/sansa hairdresser/mortician au no one was expecting but happened

well @meri-vaahtoaa I TOLD YOU IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN TODAY AND IT HAPPENED, have a for now untitled tyrion/sansa mortician/hairdresser au inspired by this post with bonus guest star jeyne p. u___u don't look for angst, also extremely background mentioned jb plus jaime & bronn being themselves in the backstory, have fun u__u

This fucking teaches me to be drunk around both my brother and Bronn, Tyrion thinks for the umpteenth time as he keeps on walking - he needs a damned salon and he needs it now but he also had to get out of the neighborhood because like hell he’s going to risk running into anyone who knows his father. That’s the… least thing he needs, honestly, as if his life choices aren’t already something he has to fight for every other moment and he can’t fucking wait to be out of the house, which should be soon -

If he doesn’t get thrown out of his internship because of his horrible drunk choices.

Why did they have drinks together, why did they have drunk bets, why did he bet with Jaime that he would dye his hair bright blue if he stopped beating around the bush and confessed to the bartender that he’s been into her since they started coming to that specific place for drinks because he chickened out of it for months, except -

Except Jaime went and did it and it turned out that she actually had been looking back and Tyrion hadn’t been wrong in that assessment, but then he had to do it and he actually went and used a do it yourself dye and -

Well.

He honestly can’t go and start his apprenticeship with blue hair that’s also… well, not even professionally dyed, and considering the arguments that it created the least thing he needs is going somewhere he’d be recognized.

So, he’s plenty out of the neighborhood, but he hasn’t found someplace that felt… well, not extra fancy. The second-least thing he needs is extra fancy shops where people would send looks his way that he could absolutely do without.

Also, it’s fucking hot. Why did he do that in the middle of summer again? And why couldn’t he have bet something more reasonable - right, it was Bronn’s idea and they were drunk. Fuck.

He walks a bit more, wondering if maybe he should sit down and check on Google Maps if he’s ended up in the only area of the city that doesn’t have any, and then he sees one on the other side of the road - fine, he stopped because he wondered who names a hair salon Beauty and the Beast, but it costs nothing to have a look from the outside, right?

He crosses the street and walks up to the door.

First thing, the pricing list outside it looks… well, it’s not cheap, but it’s certainly not the ridiculous fares they ask where his sister goes to have her hair done, which is exceedingly good since he doesn’t want to spend a salary’s worth of an average office employee to get that blue crap out of his hair. He looks through the glass door - there is just one woman inside getting her hair done, which is also good because the least people around the shorter the wait, it certainly does look clean and while the pastel aesthetic is maybe a bit too much for his tastes - everything is a pastel shade, from the light yellow on the floor to the pale pink and violet of the chairs and the powder blue of the walls… well, beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to it, and the woman on the chair is chatting amicably with the chestnut-haired girl doing her hair and doesn’t look like she hates being there or like she chose the wrong shop.

Also, it’s two PM and he knows this is going to take long. He can hardly afford to fuck around much longer.

He pushes the door open and walks into the shop.

“Welcome!” The chestnut-haired girl says, giving him a nice smile. “Sorry if I don’t come over, but if you sit for a minute my colleague will be back from her coffee break shortly.”

“Sure,” he says, “no hurry,” and he goes sitting on one of the pale violet chairs on the side - they’re comfortable, at least, and he considers taking out the book he brought with to pass the time, but then -

“Hello and welcome! Can I get you a glass of water” Someone else chirps from his side, and right, he did hear the door open -

Oh.

“Hi,” he blurts, staring into a pair of lovely blue eyes belonging to supposedly the other girl working here - she has long auburn hair styled in a french braid and is wearing a blue summer dress that pairs with her eyes perfectly and she’s smiling down at him as if she’s not horrified by his horrid dye-job, or by his presence in the first place, which is his general experience in this kind of shops, so - that’s good, at least. “And uh, thanks,” he says, realizing he is thirsty.

“Be right back! Sorry, I was taking my break but we have no appointments today, so I’ll be on your case very soon.”

She goes to the corner of the room and grabs a glass of water from a dispenser, then brings it to him - shit, he needed it.

“So, what can I do for you?”

“Er,” he says, “I dyed that hair for a bet but I was called for an internship yesterday, and I start on Monday, so… I need a removal. If it’s possible.”

The girl leans closer, taking a good look at his hair.

“Hm,” she says, “it might take a while, but I think it’s possible. It’s not a very good dye job, if I can say so.”

He snorts. “Oh, you can. Please, I did it and I have regretted it every moment since.”

“Well,” she nods, “you’re lucky that most likely no one will show up for anything complicated today then. Jeyne, can you handle other customers in case?”

“Sure,” the chestnut-haired girl replies. “As if I don’t know you’ll have the time of your life.”

She rolls her eyes, then goes to a wardrobe in the corner and finds him a towel, tucks it around his neck and lowers a chair near the small sinks at the bottom of the shop so he can sit on it - he does, feeling extremely thankful that it’s extremely comfortable leather, and he can hear her tutting about bad dyes under her breath as she washes his hair once, twice, thrice, and her fingers feel really good on his scalp but he’s not going to think about that now.

“Just for the record,” she asks as she rinses it, “do you just want the dye to go away or do you want a cut, too?”

“Hell,” he says, “I need to look presentable. I suppose the cut can’t hurt.”

“Will do,” she chirps again, “and by the way, never use that kind of dye again. Not with hair this nice.”

Tyrion would have toppled off the chair if his head wasn’t thrown too far back for it to happen.

“I have nice hair now?”

“You can feel it,” she replies, “under all this… this,” she says, shaking her head.

“I know,” he says, “bad choices.”

“Extremely,” she goes on, rinsing. “But don’t you worry. I’ll have it fixed.”

“Really,” chestnut-haired girl says, “Sansa is a pro with that kind of thing. You’re in good hands.”

Oh. So her name is Sansa. It’s pretty, he thinks.

“Well,” he says, “I can’t wait to see how you manage it. I’m Tyrion, by the way. Figures you should know if I know yours?”

“Oh, absolutely,” she goes on, and gives his hair a last rinse. “Right, can you move forward?” He does and she dries his hair with the towel, then goes to find a mantel that somehow he doesn’t drown in. “Please,” she says, “on whichever free chair you prefer.”

He picks an empty one two spots away from Jeyne and the other woman and lowers it so he can sit down, and then Sansa raises it up again until his still sadly blue head is at the right height.

“Hm,” she says, grabbing a lock and feeling it between her fingers, “from what I see here you’re a natural blonde?”

“Sort of,” he shrugs. He is - his hair isn’t as golden as his siblings’, but it definitely is on that shade. Not that he ever bothered to look into it. “Wait,” he says, fishing into his pocket, and then he grabs his phone and shows her a picture Bronn took of him and Jaime during Tyrion’s latest birthday party which is about the only one of his he’s kept there where you can see his actual color very well. She takes it, squints, zooms on his head, then nods and hands him back the phone.

“Well,” she says, “we’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply some more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then… yeah, possibly mix a few different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color, and it’s going to take a while, but we should get there. Nothing that terrible.”

“Er,” he blurts, “how much chemistry did you have to study to get there?”

She smiles a bit wider.

“Yeah, I know, but some people don’t like if we talk like that. It makes it sound complicated, I’m told.”

“Not at all,” he says, waiting as Jeyne, who has finished the other woman’s hair, goes to the back room to presumably get Sansa at least the color remover, “not like it’s not… sort of my thing, too,” he says, and then he bites his own tongue - why did he ever do that, now she’s going to decide he’s a creep or something -

“Really,” she says as Jeyne comes back and hands her the remover, “do lean your head back. And what it is that you do?”

He takes a deep breath and tells her.

—

“Oh, so you’re a mortician?” Sansa says happily as she keeps on applying the remover to his hair, her fingers pressing along his scalp as she rubs it in. To her credit, she doesn’t sound like she thinks it’s creepy.

“Well, apprentice,” he shrugs, “but yeah, working on it. And starting an internship soon. Where I can’t… look like this. But yes. Just going through my degree - I had a final a couple days ago. Fuck, it was so embarrassing.”

“Did they judge your hair?”

“Called it apocalyptic, but I aced it.”

“Nice. What was it about?”

“Embalming, mostly,” he sighs. “All the chemistry about formadelhyde I had to learn.”

“Fun fact,” Sansa grins, “do you know they use it in clothing?”

… He somehow had not known that.

“What? Really? They forgot to cover that part.”

“Well,” Sansa says, “I used to crash fashion school lessons, my brother’s boyfriend snuck me in. I learned a lot. I think it’s because of the preserving qualities, though I’m sure it wasn’t… all of it.”

“I mean,” Tyrion blurts, “it’s a preservative but it’s also a disinfectant. Destroys bacteria and their food supply, and it’s a dehydrator, there’s a reason why we use it that much.”

“Hm,” Sansa nods, starting to put aluminium stripes on his hair - fuck, he looks ridiculous like this, “one wonders why you don’t just use alcohol then? Because I thought it was kind of carcinogen.”

Well, she did listen to those lessons for sure.

“It’s cheaper,” Tyrion sighs, “a lot cheaper. It cuts costs. Guess I’ll resign myself to the cancer risk.”

She snorts. “Please,” she says, keeping on placing those stripes carefully, “I’m pretty sure that’s exaggerating a bit. There, they should rest for half an hour. I have to place a few calls now but if you want to read while I’m at it feel free to, just don’t move your head around too much.”

“Roger that,” Tyrion nods, and settles back in the chair.

He has a feeling it’s going to be long, but at least she’s very good company. Jeyne looks about to say something but then another woman comes in the shop and she goes to greet her, and Tyrion goes back to his Chinese sci-fi book that he’s really enjoying and hopes that at the end of it he doesn’t have to shave his head because that dye was that bad.

—

Half an hour later, after washing away the remover, Sansa has moved on to applying the first round of pigment to his hair - the blue did go out, but it still looks…. well. Bad. He can see it just looking at it in the mirror.

“So, she says, “is your internship at a funeral home?”

“Yes,” he replies, “it’s during the last six months of the degree, then you write your thesis and you get your license, and honestly, it’s a nice funeral home. I hope they hire me for good. Anyway, it makes sense. We need to have… experiences with, uh, cases, you know, uh -“

“You can say bodies,” Sansa grins brightly, “it’s fine. I know what you do in funeral homes.”

“Oh, thank God,” he blurts. “I’m sorry, uh, people tend to get queasy when I mention them. The bodies, I mean.”

“That sounds nonsensical,” Sansa shrugs, “what do people think happens when they die? Anyway, you can absolutely say that. Hm, here we go, I think these can stay. Another… yeah. Half-hour, forty-five minutes? Get yourself comfortable. I’ll go mix those toners meanwhile.”

Oh. Right. The toners. Fuck, he can’t wait for this entire dye business to be over. Honestly, he hasn’t done that when he was fifteen, he should have stuck with it.

He grabs his book back and starts reading it again, except that he finds himself wishing he could chat with Sansa some more and he needs to get that thought out of his head right now, no reason to set himself up for failure.

He reads on.

—

Later, she’s washed his hair again and she’s still mixing the toners.

“Yeah,” she says, “I think this need a bit more work, but I’m curious. Is there anything you don’t like about your school? Because you sounded really excited before.”

Did I, Tyrion thinks, but then again… he almost never talks about it to anyone except Jaime or Bronn because everyone else thinks it’s morbid, and somehow this girl who owns a wholly pastel shop actually seems to enjoy discussing the topic, so why the hell not?

“I mean,” he says, “I think we should do autopsies.”

“Oh, you don’t? I’d have expected it.”

“Eh,” he shrugs, “me too, and I think we should for, you know, completion and so on, but we don’t, so I guess I’ll read up on it.”

“But,” she says, “hypothetically,” and she’s kind of smiling slyly, what, “let’s say that someone wakes up while embalming them. What do you do then?”

“I mean,” Tyrion replies, slowly, “I think there’s a pretty huge difference between a living body and a dead one?”

“Sansa, please,” Jeyne says as she combs through the hair of the other woman, who looks… a tiny bit disturbed, but neither Jeyne nor Sansa are, so… who cares. right?, “never mind that you need a bit more toner, but I think there’s a thing named rigor mortis that’d make it pretty fucking obvious.”

“That,” Tyrion replies, “also if one gets stuck in a fridge for a few days I think you’d be dead anyway. Not to be, you know, morbid.”

Sansa mixes a bit more toner and smiles wider. Right. She was so fucking with him. “I mean, you did pump them full of carcinogen just before, right?”

“Right,” he laughs as she tells him to lean back and starts applying the toner to his poor roots, “we did, technically.”

“Just stay still,” she goes on, “it’ll be another hour, I think. Then I can cut.”

Well, he decides, at least this entire process is being not overtly miserable.

He leans back and lets her apply the toner and then cover it with the aluminium stripes all over again.

—

“So,” she says later while Jeyne is going through the third client of the day and he’s sitting on the chair again after his hair was thoroughly rinsed and washed for the umpteenth time — he lost count, honestly, but now it does look like his usual shade, sort of, he thinks, “can I ask what was this infamous bet about? Also, I can see your hair is naturally wavy — should I just trim the edges? Because I can see you cut it yourself and it’s not bad but you kind of hacked at them.”

“Er, yes,” he says, “sounds good. Wait, naturally wavy?”

“It is,” she says, “I can recognize it.”

“I, uh,” he coughs, “I don’t think I ever had it long enough to notice?”

“It’s the exact same as your brother’s,” she shrugs, “just a bit darker, but again, this should tide you over for a while. I mean, by the time it wears off whatever travesty you did to your hair in the first place should be fixed and it’ll be as before and no one will notice.”

“Then - I guess you can trim only and I’ll see,” he says, his throat suddenly feeling dry. No one ever compared him to Jaime in that sense without making it… well. About how he’s not the person with the good looks in the family, so this entire thing is just - weird. “Anyway, uh, you can ask about the bet. I mean, it’s just embarrassing.”

“I’m listening,” she says, cutting the edges of his hair slowly, and surely she puts a lot more thought it in than he does while cutting it, but then again… it’s her job and he learned because he didn’t want his father’s barber to go near his head.

“Er, so,” he clears his throat again, trying to figure out how to tell her the sanitized version of it while sparing her from all the family ugliness, “I was out drinking with the brother and the best friend at the same bar we’ve been going to for months because they have good drinks and the brother absolutely had a crush on the bartender, except that he came from a, uh, toxic relationship, let’s put it like that, and I thought he wasn’t going to fess up ever, so - we were drunk and it came out and I said of course I’d dye my hair that horrid color if he fessed up to her and like, I thought he never would but he actually went and did it and — yeah. I mean, glad for him that it went well but not my greatest moment.”

“Aw,” Sansa replies, keeping on trimming, “I like a nice love story. I imagine he doesn’t share our interest in formadelhyde.”

Why does his heart beat a tiny bit faster when she says our interest?

“No,” Tyrion shakes his head, “he’s more into nerding over Middle Ages weapons, but at least he didn’t tell me Six Feet Under was boring, so.”

“I loved that show,” she replies, “who’d say it’s boring?”

“It’s my favorite,” he shrugs a bit as she puts away the scissors. “And a lot of people, but it seems like you have good taste.”

She nods as she grabs some lotion that she supposedly has to pass into his hair before drying it. “And what about you?”

“Sorry?”

“Well, he had a nice love story going into port, so what about you?”

“Er,” he hopes he’s not blushing, fuck, he’s usually not — he doesn’t fluster, fucking hell, “I — really am not looking. My family kind of… fucked up the only serious relationship I had going for me and most people get put off at the whole I want to be a mortician thing, so.”

“What kind of family fucks up relationships for other people?”

“The kind we come from,” he sighs, “but at least he’s out of that circus and I’ll be the moment I graduate.”

“Nice,” Sansa nods, “now just hold on a moment and I’m drying it.”

He nods — she grabs an hair dryer and starts blowing it and yes, he can see she got the exact shade right now that it’s not wet anymore, and — well, of course it’s her job to make it look good but the more she proceeds the nicer it looks, and now he can vaguely see what she meant when she talked about natural curls, and also… it feels fluffier? Lighter? He has no fucking clue, but the moment she’s finished — well.

“Fuck,” he admits, “I don’t think my hair ever looked this nice in my entire life.”

She grins. “I know how to do my job. Another moment.” She sprays some more lotion on her hands and runs it through his hair again. “This was just for a bit of nutriment, but there you are. You know, if you treat it a bit more nicely you might not need it me to make it look good.”

“Yeah, well, and what if I’d like to come back here instead?” He blurts, not knowing what the fuck he’s aiming for, but then she grins back a bit wider.

“I always like making new clients,” she replies, “especially when they’re cute and they don’t only want to talk about the gossip in magazines. That gets boring after a while.”

Wait, did she call him cute?

“Tell you what,” she keeps on as she takes the mantel off him and waits for him to get off the chair and follow her to the counter, “let’s say I don’t give all new clients a ten percent discount but I do give it to the ones I like.”

What the fuck —

“So, here you go.”

She hands him a receipt… with a fifteen per cent discount. “But you have to promise me you won’t use that crap dye anymore. That’s probably more cancer-inducing than formaldehyde could ever be.”

He has to laugh at that.

“Fair,” he says, “I won’t. Maybe I’ll come back before my last final. It’s two weeks from now,” he says, slowly, “I might want to look good for it. As much as it goes, anyway.”

“Oh, I’ll make you look incredible, don’t you worry.” She takes his card, swipes it, hands him the POS. He’s sure he doesn’t let it drop just out of sheer force of will. The payment goes through, she gives him his receipt and he pockets it, his hand still sweating —

“I’ll see you to the door,” she goes on, and she follows him out.

“So, Tyrion,” she grins again, “see you in two weeks?”

“Oh,” he replies, “absolutely.”

“And let me know how the internship thing works out. I like to know what’s up with the clients I like,” she winks, and then she leans down and kisses his cheek before going back into the shop.

Tyrion just stands there dumbfounded and only takes a few steps from the shop, and he didn’t mean to eavesdrop but he hears Jeyne the moment he starts walking away and —

“Sansa, I know you said you’d be forward after that asshole Harry, but I never saw you being that obvious. You really liked our mortician or what?”

“So what?” Sansa replies, and Tyrion thinks he’ll faint. “No point in playing hard to get and all. When he comes back I’m absolutely asking him out for coffee or something. I did like him.”

“Good for you,” Jeyne replies, “he seems nice and you deserve a nice guy. Even if that dye was a really crap choice on his part.”

“Oh, if I have a say in it no bad dye is ever coming near that hair. It was so nice,” she replies, and at that point he leaves because he really shouldn’t be doing this and he will faint, but —

But he smiles to himself all the way home.

He thinks he’s never looked forward to a final that much, and if she does really ask him out for coffee, no way he’s being an idiot and saying no.

And if he’ll brush up on cool embalming facts before then, well, you can’t blame him, right?

End.

#sanrion #tyrion lannister #sansa stark #jeyne poole #sansa x tyrion #those are the tags i suppose???#my fic

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florrickandassociates · 4 years ago

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TGF Thoughts: 5x04- And the clerk had a firm...

You can tell I’m enjoying this season when episodes air on Thursdays and I’ve written a recap by Friday night. More under the cut, as always.

I woke up very early on Thursday morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I decided to just watch this episode on my phone (I write these on rewatch). I’m sure the show was hoping that the upside-down clips of fake!Love Island would be disorienting, but wow, did this work on me. Between the lack of sleep and how plausible it would’ve been for me to accidentally have my phone upside-down with rotation lock on... I truly thought it was an ad for Love Island and also had to pause the episode to check my phone settings. Good job, show!

It turns out, however, that Carmen is doing a headstand and watching reality TV on her laptop. Very happy to see Carmen at home. It would be easy for the show to have her just be a mysterious presence at the firm, so even seeing her do perfectly normal things is a good reminder that she is a whole person and not just Associate Who Will Defend Anyone.

(I wouldn’t have expected Carmen to enjoy reality tv, but then again, I love Big Brother so...)

Carmen lives in a studio that doesn’t look like it is brand new!!! I’m ridiculously excited to see an apartment that actually looks like a place someone fresh out of law school might live. I’d believe it if Carmen lived in a studio in a luxury building or a one-bed on the salary she’s surely making at RL, but it’s very refreshing to see a character who isn’t super-wealthy on this show that tends to be about, well, very wealthy people.

Carmen is smarter than every other character on this show and on most TV shows: instead of opening the door without taking any precautions, she puts the chain on first. Remember how people used to just show up at Alicia’s door when she was the governor’s wife, and she’d always just open the door and look surprised?

Charles Lester is at Carmen’s door even though it’s nearly midnight. She tries to get him to leave, but he insists on staying. She closes the door to undo the chain, and uses the privacy of the closed door to grab a makeshift weapon, just in case.

Carmen explains her apartment by saying, “student loans.” So she doesn’t come from (excessive) money. (Or she was cut off by her family, but I feel like the early character description of Carmen said something about her family not having money.)

Lester has something very important to tell Carmen, but all his notes are on different scraps of paper and, even though he says his information is time sensitive, he takes his time looking for the right piece of paper.

He says Carmen can’t say she heard the info from him, blah blah. He’s there to share that in ten minutes, someone at the firm is going to be searched by the FBI. This info comes, of course, from Rivi.

Do we think Lester has to reference his notes to remember that the FBI is searching a name partner of Carmen’s firm? Or do we think he’s fucking with her? I think the latter.

Carmen was doing exercises to help with migraines, btw.

Carmen calls Diane to tip her off. Diane and Kurt are already asleep, but luckily, Diane has her phone on full volume and takes the call. She’s not happy about it and asks if it can wait until tomorrow. Asks is the wrong word—she instructs the caller to hang up if it can wait.

Even though Carmen can’t say where she got the information, Diane knows it must be from Rivi. Seems obvious enough.

Kurt gets out of bed and starts locking up guns and getting to work; Diane calls Liz. Liz is in bed with a guy we’ve never seen before and she does not really want to talk.

Liz notes that the info also could’ve come from Wolfe-Coleman, since Carmen is “tangled up with some rough characters.”

I’m sorry, fake Netflix CEO man... WHY ARE YOU STILL TRYING TO KISS AND PLAY WITH LIZ WHEN SHE IS ON THE PHONE TALKING ABOUT PURGING FILES AND THE FBI????

I don’t even hold this against the character. This is one of those things the writers of this show LOVE doing to heighten tension. They think people behave like this in real life and that it’s funny to have a million competing priorities at once, so they insist on doing things like this. In reality, I would be concerned about any person who did not hear “FBI” and go, “um, what the hell is happening? I should stop trying to fuck rn.”

Kurt starts burning papers. Is no one going to point out that maybe being on the phone (after you KNOW you’ve had NSA issues) talking about tips from powerful criminals and asking questions that are pretty clearly about document destruction... is a bad strategy?

Dude, why are you STILL GOING after Liz clearly tells you to stop!? Do you want me to hate you?!

Liz adds Jay to the call. He is asleep and also his hallucination from the premiere is (sadly) back. I still don’t get what they’re going for with this, so I’ll just be happy that (1) there is only one hallucination this time and (2) it’s only on screen for a minute.

This dude is really chanting “Let me see ‘em!” at Liz while she is on a frantic work call! This is how we are introduced to him! This is not funny! If this weren’t being played for laughs/to raise the stakes by having a lot going on I would be calling this man misogynistic!

Liz remembers that Diane has full boxes of files! They spill onto the floor as she tries to hide them! Drama!

And then the FBI arrives, so Diane asks Liz to take her 9 am with Wackner

The FBI enters, accompanied by... Nancy Crozier! Nancy is now an AUSA for some reason!

Nancy has graduated from “just a girl from Michigan” to using her pregnancy for dramatic effect. I guess she’s aged into being Patti Nyholm, or something. (I would LOVE to see Patti Nyholm show up on TGF.)

I know the client files are top of mind for Diane, but isn’t it kind of obvious that the FBI would be there about Kurt, given that the FBI was talking to Kurt days earlier?

9 mins in is early for credits!! (This first act flies, too—did not feel like 9 minutes.)

I say this once an episode, but isn’t it so fun to see all the characters from season one of TGW pop up in season five of TGF?

Liz sees her new man, Del Cooper, in reception. He’s a client. They try to be professional with each other. Liz remembers Diane’s 9 am with Wackner and asks the receptionist to tell her when he arrives. She dismissively says it’s “Some judge guy.” Wackner is, of course, already there and watching the interaction with interest. He uses this as an opportunity to “look for the restroom,” observe Liz meeting with someone else, and walk down to the associate floor.

He asks associate Leah (we’ve definitely seen her several times before) where he’s supposed to go for the staff meeting. She asks if he means the partner meeting or the associate one—he wants whichever is more interesting. She says she only knows about the associate meeting, and so he tags along.

Leah and Lucy (the associate from last week; Michael Boatman’s daughter) talk and assume that Wackner is from STR Laurie and thus in charge of the fate of their careers.

The associate meeting is fairly small—Leah refers to it as their “daily” so I wonder if it’s more like a team meeting than a meeting of all the associates.

The COTW is about a comedian who isn’t always PC. FakeNetflix is getting a lot of Twitter pushback.

“Ah, so you’re worried about being cancelled,” Liz notes. “Don’t say the ‘C’ word,” Del jokes. Then he asks the firm to do a sensitivity read of the comedian’s act.

Liz asks why them. David doesn’t get why she’s asking, though obviously Liz knows he won’t be offended by her question since they have a relationship outside of work. Del thinks that RL is the right firm for this task because they are a black firm, and also because this can be an audition for the rest of their legal business.

This seems like it is better for a PR firm or image consultant? Not a law firm? But sure.

Diane explains the whole January 6th situation to Liz. Liz immediately understands that if Kurt is in trouble, Diane is the one representing him. Because Kurt is Kurt, I’m willing to accept the “spouses-representing-each-other" trope here. But let the record reflect that, as always on this show, it is a TERRIBLE idea to have your spouse represent you! Just pick someone outside of the firm! JUST PICK ELSBETH, KURT.

Diane asks how her 9 am went; David Lee interrupts to ask Liz why she is being so casual with Del. “David, I am on the phone,” Liz responds. I love that she doesn’t really answer him.

Leah and Lucy try to turn the associate meeting into a showcase of how great they are; the other associates catch on quickly and all are happy to answer Wackner’s questions. He wants to understand jury trials.

Nancy’s pregnancy act does not work on Judge Farley, yet she keeps it up anyway. Court doesn’t go well for Diane, but it also doesn’t go well for Nancy.

Some of these interactions remind me a little too much of Peter’s trial at the end of TGW, like this one where Nancy goes to Diane with information about Kurt.

Leah gets off the elevator as Diane and Nancy talk, and to Diane’s surprise, Wackner is shadowing Leah! She takes a moment to look surprised before we return to the scene with Nancy.

I like all the little interactions within this Wackner plot. Diane asking Liz to meet with Wackner both connects Wackner to Liz AND shows that Diane would turn to Liz for back-up, and having Wackner/Leah run into Diane in court is a good reminder that even though Diane is dealing with a pressing issue, Wackner hasn’t just disappeared.

Diane encourages Kurt to talk. She wants to know if he’s not telling her something because she’s his wife or because she’s his lawyer. This is maybe why you don’t hire your wife as your lawyer.

Kurt says it’s because of politics—Diane doesn’t like that, since this is one issue where their politics should be shared.

“Diane, this works between us because we don’t let our political judgements overwhelm our respect for each other,” Kurt explains. But... is that relevant to this particular issue?

Diane asks the same question, essentially, noting that January 6th changed “everything” for her and she can’t treat this like a “chess game” anymore. Kurt wants to know what she’s calling a chess game. She says their marriage is the one thing that’s not a game.

On one level I understand exactly what Diane is saying and on another level I have no clue what this dialogue actually means. She can’t treat things like a game anymore, but also their marriage is the only thing that isn’t a game? So does that mean she can treat everything else like a game, then? I think what she’s trying to say is that the time for seeing political disagreements as a calm and rational game of strategy is over, and that she values her marriage and won’t play around with it.

Kurt tells her what he burned—a list of people in his little group. He says he’d protect them just like he’d protect Diane’s book group friends. Oh, wow, I was not EVER expecting to hear about that arc again! This is a pretty perfect time to mention it, though, since Kurt DID protect book group for the exact same reason he’s protecting the members of his club.

Other than “winning over a new client is important,” I have no idea why Liz and David Lee would gather together a group of partners to do the sensitivity read. I don’t know who IS the appropriate person to do the sensitivity read, given that this is a law firm, but I know this is a bad call.

Oh, they are going to go through line by line dissecting each joke in a group. They get through one joke before Madeline notes that the comedian is “objectifying black men.” A black male partner says he doesn’t mind. Madeline says that doesn’t matter because the joke is racially insensitive.

Overlapping chatter ensues, and the partners try to make changes to the comedian’s jokes, like substituting Norwegian for Nigerian. This... is not what law firms do. The joke isn’t funny with the substitution, but it also wasn’t funny before. It was low hanging fruit and the correct answer is to just cut it entirely. (Also, if you’re a comedian and all your jokes are about common stereotypes of groups to which you do not belong, you are probably not a very funny comedian!)

Diane has Jay do some more investigating. Jay looks up when Diane says, “ringleader of the insurrectionists,” and Diane is just like, “I know.” Then Carmen walks in.

Diane congratulates Carmen on “hitting the ground running�� and then asks again how she knew about the warrant. Diane says she’s covered by the same attorney-client privilege, so Carmen should be able to share. Carmen notes the warrant was actually about Kurt, which does not answer Diane’s question. “So this came from Rivi?” Diane asks. Carmen says she can’t confirm.

“Carmen. You have been here three weeks. You have two clients: Wolfe-Coleman and Oscar Rivi. It’s one or the other!” Diane notes. Yep. I love that they didn’t forget that this isn’t much of a mystery. It’s more about principle than anything. If Diane knows it’s one of two sources and needs more information, I’m sure Jay can figure it out.

Carmen knows she’s stuck, so she asks if she can make a phone call. “I think that would be smart,” Diane says.

I’ve noticed that Liz and Diane are both being quite firm with others this season—and I like it. They're spending more time with lower-level characters, and both Diane and Liz have reasons to be more curt this year. Diane is under a lot of stress and it’s showing in all of her interactions; Liz is making a point of seeming in control to establish herself as the leader of the firm.

Then Marissa walks in. “What is going on with your crazy court judge?” Diane asks. “My?” Marissa asks. “Marissa, I am in no mood for defensiveness,” Diane insists. She mentions Wackner missing his meeting and shadowing Leah. That’s news to Marissa.

Marissa heads to Wackner’s court to figure out what’s going on.

Wackner is now experimenting with juries. This is interesting to me—I'd wondered before how smart it was to just have Wackner make all the rulings, so exploring the idea of having a jury shows he’s thinking about that, too. Also, it’s another sign that Wackner wants his court to have many of the same structures as a real courtroom. There are still judges, juries, witnesses, trials—he's starting something new, but it feels more like he’s testing out improvements for an imperfect system. I wonder if his end goal would be to set up separate courts, or if he’s more interested in shaping laws/reforming the system? Surely Wackner has ambitions of scaling up whatever conclusions he comes to. So what are they?

The reason for the juries is that the associates told him that juries are racially biased, so he’s trying to correct it. He also explains how he ended up shadowing Leah, and advises Marissa to go exploring whenever she’s kept waiting. (I have a feeling Marissa doesn’t need to be told this, but then, that’s why she’s Wackner’s “muse.”)

Marissa notes that Wackner’s court is looking nicer—there must be money coming in from somewhere new. Wackner confirms there’s been a sympathetic donor.

Wackner is dealing with a case about NFT fraud. Marissa says she doesn’t know what that is. I’m going to assume that Marissa is using Wackner’s strategies against him (she had just accused him of playing dumb to get others to talk) because I cannot believe that Marissa, who always knows random facts, ESPECIALLY ones that involve weird corners of the internet, would not know what an NFT is.

Marissa hears the case is about $4 million, and she’s shocked because this raises the stakes a little more than even she is comfortable with. Wackner has a signed and notarized document saying that both sides will honor the verdict. It is, as Marissa points out, notarized in 9 ¾ court by Wackner about a fictional case. “About a fictional crime,” Wackner adds on.

I’m a little surprised this is all these writers had to say about NFTs! Maybe they knew that by the time this aired, the actual topic would feel dated.

Mandy Patinkin is just SO GOOD as Wackner! I’m watching a fictional show about a fictional crime in a fictional court and even I am starting to believe in his ludicrous court!

Wackner’s jury selection process involves catching potential jurors in traps, like pretending to know the national anthem when they don’t. Smart. Probably super problematic if you think about it too hard and put it in the wrong people’s hands and people start to know the system. But smart, for now.

Diane is now in the sensitivity read meeting, for reasons passing understanding. They are still talking about the first joke. Jay calls Liz out of the meeting and notes that everyone in the room is old and no one is funny. “I’m funny!” Liz argues. Diane tries to leave the meeting, and Liz tells Diane Jay’s idea about needing younger people. “Oh god yes,” Diane agrees. I’m glad she sees it and a little alarmed that Liz doesn’t! I feel like they should’ve sent the tape to everyone interested in participating, then asked them to write up (separately) anything they found questionable or offensive, and gone from there, ending with a close review of anything that wasn’t previously flagged. If you debate every single line for hours you’re going to get nowhere.

I don’t know why Liz is so concerned that Jay thinks she’s not funny? But she is.

Diane asks Liz to join her meeting with Carmen and Lester. This is a scene I’ve been waiting for! Diane and Liz are both there and so the scene FEELS important. The plot advances. And, most importantly, they address why Carmen is staying at RL!

Lester reiterates that Carmen is super important to Rivi, so if Carmen says she can’t share info, then she can’t share info. Liz and Diane do not accept this. “I am a name partner. Carmen is a first-year associate,” Liz says. “Now, Carmen is free to resign and hang her shingle wherever she’d like. She can even go and work for you. That is up to her. But while she is here, she is subject to the rules and the mentoring of this firm.”

Lester tries to take Carmen out of the meeting. Liz and Diane won’t let him: They need to know if Carmen is staying with the firm, now.

“You have a lot to learn, Carmen. And you can only do that here,” Diane pitches. I don’t think that’s exactly true, but it’s not untrue.

Here is a question I have about Carmen: she is WILLING to represent drug dealers and rapists. Does she WANT to? She chooses RL, so I’m guessing her interests lie in big law and not in aiding criminals.

Lester leaves, but not before saying Kurt is about to get a grand jury summons. Diane gets one too. It’s not the usual guy! Too bad.

A bigger group is now deciding on if jokes are offensive or not, and they’re doing so with paddles that are red on one side (offensive) and green on the other (funny). I’m sure this is going to go well.

The group sees the replacement jokes and they are confused. Marissa wants to see the original joke. Julius shows the room, and everyone laughs. The joke is funny—and offensive. Someone from the mail room notes that he would be the butt of this joke, but he finds it funny, so he thinks the comedian should be able to continue with her set.

Here is where I think I fall on this: Get sensitivity reads to get ahead of any huge issues (like, don’t be Pepsi with the ad with whichever Jenner it was who solved racism). Be aware of the potential issues. Let viewers decide what is and isn’t offensive, and make informed decisions rather than arbitrary rules about what content to show. You’ll KNOW if you are indulging the tendencies of someone with a history of making the same type of problematic jokes (for example, maybe if you are reviewing something by Tina Fey and she tries to write another edgy plot where racial stereotypes are the punchline, you advise her to not do that because, I mean, why WERE there so many episodes of 30 Rock that involved blackface??). You’ll KNOW if you are giving a platform to someone who is actively trying to spread misinformation and be cruel to others. Someone’s going to be offended by everything, and it may be a huge deal and it may not be. IMO, it doesn’t really matter that I can’t make an exact set of rules about what is/isn’t smart to air. I don’t think anyone—not networks, not creators, and not audiences—would benefit from that. Lawyers might, though, for all the billable hours...

“You can’t tell a joke without offending someone,” Jay notes. I do not think this is true! Puns don’t offend anyone!

David Lee’s counter-example to Jay’s point is Gilbert & Sullivan. Of course it is.

As always, the argument devolves into overlapping chatter. These episodes exhaust me. At least this episode has some fun with the topic of the week and seems to have more of a point of view than some of the past episodes where the only conclusion is, “Wow! Controversy is controversial!”

Marissa ends up in the mail room with Jay and one of the mailroom guys (captions say his name is Jimmy). They are mocking the partner’s ideas of comedy. Jay and Jimmy agree that the best comedy is mean. But, Jay says, now it feels like you need “a permission slip to tell a joke.” Is... this true? This feels like one of those things people who would never actually get “cancelled” worry about because their fear overtakes their ability to understand what really gets someone cancelled.

Then again, this episode was written by professional writers who would absolutely know better than I am if people are really hesitant to tell jokes.

Jimmy has started making literal permission slips to allow people to tell jokes about specific groups. Jay and Marissa are down.

Jay asks Jimmy to make a card for something so inappropriate he wouldn’t joke about it... and Jimmy prints a card that says Greta Thunberg. No one wants to joke about that.

And you know why this joke lands well for me? Part of it is that the vibe of this scene is very fun and laid back. But mostly it’s because Younger tried to make a Greta Thunberg joke this season, and it was quite possibly the worst, most embarrassing thing I’ve seen a TV show do in ages. It wasn’t funny, just mean, over the top, lazy, and never-ending. (Poor Younger. That show had an awful final season.)

Liz is still worried she’s not funny. She asks Del if she’s funny and mentions Jay’s comment. He says she’s funny, but she’s not convinced he’s being honest. He points out this is a discussion no one will win. Del ends up accidentally saying “I love you” to Liz, which is a big deal for a relationship we’ve seen for all of two seconds. Liz says they don’t have to talk about it, but Del insists on explaining that he meant “affection,” not love. I’m glad they’re talking about this.

“Then maybe we should get married,” Liz says as seriously as possible. She stares at Del and smiles. He laughs and admits that was funny. It was VERY funny!

Grand jury time! Yet Another Ham Sandwich: The Sequel: The Musical: The Series. (Am I funny? Pls tell me I’m funny and hip with the teens!)

It’s Diane’s turn first. She does well, but there’s not much to say when Nancy plays the recording of Diane phoning the FBI with the rioter’s name. I did not need the clip from last episode in here. Diane is calm in court, but rushes to tell Kurt immediately. Nancy predicted Diane would do that, so she calls in Kurt before Diane has a chance to warn him.

So, wait, Kurt thought all of this was just a COINCIDENCE? Diane didn’t tell him earlier?! I don’t love this choice, but okay.

Liz finds a joke permission slip on her desk. Julius has one too. “Did you use it?” Liz asks. Julius doesn’t understand what that even means. Then they trade clothes, because Liz does want to tell a joke about white girl clothes.

Julius suspects the cards are a way to make fun of the partners for being unfunny. The associates are also chatting about the cards, having lots of fun, so it’s clearly not about the partners.

I think now is an appropriate time to mention that TGW and TGF have both been consistently hilarious shows and have been on the air for a combined twelve years. Neither rely on the types of jokes that these cards permit. This is a kind of interesting thought experiment, but... doesn’t it say something that the shows never use these jokes as crutches and still manage to be funny? This is what I meant earlier about people being afraid of cancel culture when they’re not actually really at risk of coming under fire. These writers know how to write things that are funny. They know how to make comedy out of absurdity and subverting expectations. And yet they’re worried about how to have jokes that aren’t mean? Really?

The first laugh out loud funny TGW moment that comes to mind right now is the episode that ends with that obnoxious talk show guy trying to out Diane as a lesbian. That joke deals with identity. But it still holds up 12 years later, because the joke isn’t that Diane could be gay... the joke is that Diane DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT what this pest is saying about her on TV, and so she laughs. And because the tension of the talk show guy’s BIG DRAMATIC REVEAL is cut with Diane’s dynamic, loud laugh, we laugh with her! I’m not really sure what I'm trying to illustrate with this example. I’m just noting that you can be topical, funny, and entirely appropriate at the same time... and these writers are great at finding that balance.

HR starts, like, texting (they TEXT Marissa!!!) employees about the joke permission slips? It’s so bizarrely done that I thought this was going to be a prank.

Jay decides they won’t go to HR, and Jimmy decides they’ll delay. Why wouldn’t HR just come down and take away the cards?

For this week’s dose of Wackner Wackiness, witnesses will be fully costumed, and it goes without saying that the costumes will be as over the top as possible.

David Cord is the mysterious donor. Marissa spots him and instantly puts the pieces together. Cord explains he met Wackner on the elevator. I can’t say enough how much I like that this season has a lot of moving pieces that feel like part of a whole. Cord showed up as part of a case that caused internal debate at the firm and had a thematic parallel to an ongoing plot, then crossed over into Wackner’s plot once he was established as a character!

Cord says he’s interested in “disrupting things” so he’s interested in Wackner. I did not need the still photo of where they founded HP that’s used to illustrate humble beginnings, I guess.

Nancy mentions Kurt’s unfortunate last name—she so would. Kurt takes the fifth. Was this thing about needing a reason to take the fifth true in the earlier seasons and just not mentioned? Didn’t Kalinda and Will use this strategy?

Nancy, obviously, plays the recording of Diane reporting the rioter. Kurt conceals his reaction for the grand jury, but he’s pissed.

Diane tries to apologize and Kurt asks for another lawyer. This is the right move. I can’t be all that sad.

The partners have collected all the cards and are trying to do damage control with HR. (Interestingly, there are certain topics the cards we see don’t touch on. Like, where’s the rape joke card? Aren’t rape jokes what we usually talk about when we talk about comedians getting cancelled? And where are the jokes about minority groups (aside from little people, referred to using the PC name instead of the names that would probably be used in most offensive jokes about little people) not represented in the TGF cast? I find this little bit of self-censorship quite notable, especially given that the writers seem to be arguing in favor of not regulating humor. These omissions, which MUST be intentional, tell me the writers do have their own lines they won’t cross...)

(My larger point there, and where this funny-but-unnecessary subplot fails for me, is that this whole episode feels like a bit of a panic over cancel culture and winds up being a strawman argument. I don’t disagree with the conclusions the writers come to and I do find some of these scenes funny. But at the same time, I don’t think Cancel Culture is actually about coming after every single joke that makes fun of any person or group (if we must do a cancel culture plot, why not do one about someone who is an odious person and yet still has a following even after they’ve been “cancelled”). And I don’t think that showing HR as a very stern, strict, humorless body is helpful. I’m getting ahead of myself, but all that accomplishes is having Liz win on a point that pretty much everyone can agree on, because no one is actually as humorless as STRL’s HR department! Humor has so many gray areas and if you try to make it black and white, obviously the side that’s saying YOU CANNOT MAKE JOKES ABOUT ANYTHING is going to be the one that is wrong.

I did just remember that all of these writers have probably dealt with unfun and strict standards & practices departments, and I like the way HR is portrayed more if I try to imagine them as Standards & Practices.

Liz decides she is going to see HR so she’s seen as an authority figure, not someone subversive. But first, Liz has to meet with Del and the comedian.

Wackner and Cord are in Diane’s office. Diane’s skeptical of their alliance. She also points out that it is corrupt for Wackner to be financed by Cord and decide on Cord’s cases. This is true. Cord says he has no vested interest in any of the cases. And Wackner says he’s the “most untouchable man on earth” and quotes a song again. Yet another example of how this court only works if Wackner is in charge.

The comedy meeting does not go well. David Lee is already trying to pitch their other servicces. The comedian finds the censored version hilarious in how terrible it is, and then she starts making fun of it, loudly, and for way too long.

David thinks it went poorly; Liz isn’t concerned. David is all, “you failed” and Liz asks him to cool it and notes that David isn’t the highest-ranking person at STRL, so he should “stop the shit” and work with her. She’s already sounding more like a boss.

Julius complements her on being “Boseman-like,” which is true (though I wish she didn’t need to be compared to her ex-husband). “I know,” Liz says quietly, likely because she hates that Adrian is still influencing her this much.

Del joins Wackner and Cord in the elevator, and this isn’t the end of the episode but I’m going to pretend it is so all the episodes can end on elevators this year. It’s close enough.

Kurt’s new lawyer is Julius. Ah, yes, choose the corrupt judge Trump pardoned who works at your wife’s firm to represent you. Seems smart.

Liz walks past Diane’s office and the camera follows her up to HR. She tries to get HR to understand humor. They do not. And that’s the episode.

So, a few thoughts to conclude. First, I went into this recap thinking I’d have a lot more to say about cancel culture and the way this episode handled the debate. But I ended up liking this plot—and this episode-- more the second time around. I still don’t think this episode said anything groundbreaking about cancel culture, because I don’t think it actually engaged with the topic beyond the surface. As I noted earlier, coming to the conclusion that jokes should be allowed because we’re all human isn’t really a resolution the real topic. What about accountability? What about allowing for some jokes to be too far without taking the teeth out of every joke? What about the way people panic over cancel culture when they’re not being canceled (this episode felt a little bit like a panic over cancel culture, which is why I reacted negatively to it the first time through) or about how cancellation doesn’t always stick or have meaning? There is SOMETHING to explore here, but I don’t think this episode found that something.

Second, because I didn’t find a way to work it in above... is it me, or is it actually HELPING the show to not have Adrian or Lucca around!? This season feels so much more focused than the past several, and I think it might be because the writers (who are, as always, very good at adapting to curveballs) had to restructure the show. Lucca always had her own subplots that were separate from everything else, and Adrian’s charisma tended to overpower others’ presence (especially Liz’s) whenever he was in the room. It didn’t help that the writers seemed to LOVE writing Adrian plots, even if it meant neglecting others.

Don’t get me wrong—I love Adrian and Lucca both. But there’s something to be said for a tighter show with three main interconnected pieces (Liz/firm drama, Diane/FBI and Kurt, Marissa/Wackner’s court) that carry over from episode to episode. Like the titles of the season, these episodes build on each other.

Also, there’s the right amount of every character this season. David Lee is used sparingly; Jay and Julius are supporting players who sometimes get the spotlight; Wackner is a huge presence but his plot feels like part of the show; Carmen feels important but isn’t being given screentime for the sake of screentime; Liz is finally the type of lead she should’ve been from the start; Marissa has nicely grown into a role closer to leading than supporting; Diane remains a clear lead.

5x05 next week!!! I am expecting some Hitting the Fan level quality and at least one fan-service-y reference. (Not really, but wouldn’t it be fun?)

#tgfthoughts #the good fight

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equalseleventhirds · 4 years ago

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Employee Benefits

@radiosandrecordings said ‘give us rosie’s domain’ and i said oh boy what if and now here’s this thing i guess? (also crossposted to ao3)

Rosie’s computer keyboard makes a satisfying click-clack as she types. Forms to fill out, lists to update… even in the apocalypse, there’s always work for her to do.

Except visitor sign-ins. She hasn’t had any of those to do for a long time. As much as time has any meaning nowadays.

Her phone rings. She smiles as she picks it up.

“Hello, Rosie,” says the voice at the other end. The only voice who ever calls her, now. “Has anyone come by?”

“No, Mr. Bouchard, no one yet. Were you expecting someone?” She pulls up a tab on her computer; it’s always open in the background, just for this. “I’m looking at your calendar, and I don’t see any meetings scheduled.”

“It isn’t on the schedule, I just thought… Well, let me know if anyone does come by.” He hesitates. “And Rosie, you know you can use my real name.”

“Oh, of course. My apologies, um…”

“I’m Jonah Magnus, Rosie.”

“Oh! Yes. Silly of me. Mr. Magnus. Have a good day.”

She hangs up before he does, and Knows that he stares at the phone for a moment, listening to the dial tone, before hanging up his end.

It’s lovely.

She remembers when she first took this job. A decent salary, for secretary work—not unusually high, or she’d have disregarded it as a scam, but good. A couple of comments from Mr. Bouchard about “unusual visitors” and “colourful characters” in the company itself, but she’s never had many problems with any of that herself. The usual benefits: a pension plan, holidays, travel subsidies, free lunch on the last Friday of each month.

Fridays and months aren’t really a thing anymore, but Rosie does still get the occasional meal now on her boss’s… dime isn’t quite the word, is it?

“Rosie?”

Oh, he’s come downstairs to check, all the way down from his tower! She gives her brightest customer service smile, never turning away from her computer. “Yes, Mr. Bouchard?”

“I—I thought I would come check myself. You’re sure no one has come by?”

“No, no one at all. Why do you ask, Mr. Wright?”

“He was supposed to… After everything I’ve done to him, wouldn’t he come to me? Come to try and topple the king?”

“Who’s that, then, Mr. Mendelson?”

“My Archivist! My Archive!” He’s shouting now, coming closer, angry and so, so afraid. “Jonathan Sims, he’s meant to be here!”

“Is he?” She pitches her voice perfectly, distracted and mollifying as she minimizes a couple of windows. “I’m afraid he’s not on your calendar, Mr. Lockwood. He knows he should call me for any advance appointments, doesn’t he?”

“He doesn’t have to call, he can just walk in! Everything, everything is in his hands, and he should be angry at me, he should be—Rosie! Look at me!”

Now, finally, she turns towards him. Her boss. Elias Bouchard, Jonah Magnus, whichever name he uses, he’s still just a man, harried and hunted around the edges, stand-in eyes darting wildly. He’s not used to not seeing what he wants, and he doesn’t see his Archivist—here or anywhere. He hasn’t seen him since the world ended and his Panopticon rose, that eternal, central chamber in which he sits and watches and learns nothing.

“I am looking at you, Mr. Winslow,” she tells him. “I’m always looking at you. I’m your secretary, aren’t I?”

He shrinks under her gaze, under her soothing voice, under her humouring him. “I’m… My name is Jonah Magnus, Rosie. You know that, don’t you? You know who I am?”

“Of course I know who you are. You’re Jonah Magnus, Mr. Bouchard. You told me so yourself.”

#fanfiction #algie writes things #the magnus archives #listen this isn't what i want from canon but it IS extremely fun to think about #'oh jonah would be afraid of being Seen by jon' would he? would he??#jonah magnus's worst fear is to be made insignificant and forgotten and to have his status as king or w/e erased liSTEN #also i think rosie should be allowed to torment her terrible boss. i just think she should.#gaslighting cw #sorta?#identity issues cw #made up some names for jonah's old identities bcos it's fun

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beyond-the-mirror · 4 years ago

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An Important PSA

Hello everyone! The name's Beyond the Mirror, a.k.a. 'that one writer that updates her fics every blood moon or when the planets perfectly align, whichever happens first'. It's been a long while since I posted here or updated something, so I thought the least I could do was to explain the matters at hand. Buckle up! It's gonna be a wild ride:

First of all, I got a job. Second of all, I lost that job (turned out our boss had been accused of commiting fraud so I jumped ship before things started to go downhill. Spoiler alert: They did go downhill. My ex-coworkers haven't been paid yet and I am still owed 2 months worth of salary).

Good news: I have a job now. Bad news: I may lose that job in a few days. The pay is not ideal, the legal benefits almost unexisting, the work highly fast-paced, and to top it all off, my coworkers don't wear a mask. You know something's wrong when your job demands you to come to the office two days per week (despite the offer being advertised as 'home office' and me stating how important it is for me to work like that since I live with my grandparents) and your BOSS doesn't wear a mask.

Whew, that was a rollercoaster.

In conclusion: Your girl has the sad.

In a more serious note, lately I've been struggling with my current mental health. A lot happened, my body and my mind are exhausted. I wish I could write, draw, but I can barely catch a break with everything that's happening.

I don't know when I'm going to update my fics, my drafts are there but I can't even get myself to finish them properly. I may continue lurking on my dashboard, liking and reblogging some stuff though, but not much.

I hope to be able to get up again, maybe brighter days are right around the corner, but until then I'll just rest for a while.

Moral of the story: 347 dolars per MONTH ain't worth this much shit.

Thanks for reading everyone. I am sorry, and I'll see you later.

#i speak #PSA

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internkhoj · 4 years ago

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theliterateape · 4 years ago

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Why Can't We Just Share the Last Slice of Pizza?

by Don Hall

I had the first TV dinner in possibly forty-years a few weeks ago and it was kind of incredible.

Sure, it was a Hungry Man® chicken and mashed potatoes concoction and had more sodium than a bucket of sea water but it was still oddly delicious and covered in a gravy comprised of nostalgia and gluten. I didn't buy the frozen tray in a cardboard box. No, my wife has, in the pandemic, taken to rebranding her self as a 'resource locator' otherwise known as a 'dumpster diver.'

It sounds odd but I'm convinced that when the Second Great Depression takes hold, I'm married to the most resourceful and extraordinary partner on the planet. She finds brand new shoes, genuine Shriner fez's, and food. Cans of food thrown away. Expired bags of pretzels. And still-frozen TV dinners.

The nostalgia of consuming this marvel of the fifties, the fully-prepared dinner, ready to heat and eat in front of the television comes from my youth. In terms of economic status there were times in my earliest days when we were 'poor'. Now, mom wouldn't let us use that word to describe our situation. She preferred to say we were 'broke'. That distinction was my first lesson in reframing your perspective to fuel optimism.

Whichever it was called it was common practice growing up to eat TV dinners and mom would cut each portion in half (even the weird lava-like brownie or apple-crunch) so we had a meal the next day as well.

When we couldn't afford a Swanson-manufactured meal, she'd make what she called 'Spanish Rice'—Minute rice, a green pepper, tomato sauce, and Tabasco—another rebranding that certainly made this odd and rough cultural appropriation seem both unsavory and about as white as it could be.

Mom worked hard. My recollection was that she was often working several jobs and doing the best she could to keep us in clothing and food with a roof over our heads despite the fact that the minimum wage at the time was $1.60. She also had a way of reframing things so that, at no point, did we feel like we were missing out on much.

On top of that raising me could not have been easy.

We moved around a lot so I was always the new kid in school. Even with teachers and administrators, there is a tribal imperative to put the new members in their place, establishing the rules of behavior and assigning the slot for the newest members. I was never much of a conformist so this dance of going along to get along didn't take. All of which made my struggling mother's life one of battling the powers that be to protect her less than socialized monkey-son.

There are stories. The time I was forbidden to speak in class so I drew pictures of a butt and a butt pooping to silently curse some kids out. The incident of my failing to stay put during classes and finding escape routes during lunch that caused an epic battle as the Vice Principal decided to ban me from the Free Lunch program out of pique and spite. The summer when I was caught beating up Cub Scouts because they wouldn't let me join due to my mother's financial inability to buy me the requisite uniform.

There's an image I have in my head of my tiny mother almost coming to blows with a much larger woman because the woman called us "poor white trash." We were white but my mother wouldn't abide her children embracing the twin ideas of us being poor or being trash.

“No, Donald. You cannot just eat the last piece of pizza. You need to learn to share.”

In Chicago there's a thing called 'dibs.'

Sometimes it snows big and the streets are plowed but the parking spots are all but obliterated by small mountains of snow. The diligent among residents get their shovels out of the garage and clear out the snow from in front of their homes so that they will then have a place to park. They have done the work, so they feel entitled to the benefits of that labor.

The problem lies with those who do not shoulder in and remove the snow yet still feel entitled to park on public streets that they, after all is said and done, have paid for with their tax dollars.

Thus 'dibs.' The shoveler decides to put a lawn chair or card table or statue of the Virgin Mary in the spot they have labored over so when they come home from work, the spot has been saved for them and them alone.

It all sounds silly until you look at from an economic perspective. There are more cars in Chicago than there are legal places to park. It's a fact. The demand for spaces is greater than the supply. Parking tickets cost drivers thousands of dollars a year and the 'ticket dicks' are as numerous as the homeless. When it snows and the plows come through there are suddenly even less spaces than there were the night before.

Given the city will clear the roads but not the curbs the solution for half the population is to carve out their own space and the other half parks wherever they can. Those who take the spots but do not shovel are capitalizing on the labor of those who do and it pisses them off.

“No, Donald. You cannot just eat the last piece of pizza. You need to learn to share.”

I was thirteen. I was growing. I ate like a fucking locust with the table manners of the Cookie Monster. There it was—the last piece. I wanted it. My sister was small and weak. What was she gonna do?

“Offer your sister the last piece.”

“…do you want the last…”

“YES!” she barked and shoved the whole piece in her mouth.

“That’s NOT FAIR! We coulda split it! That’s not sharing, that’s theft!”

That’s Capitalism. Cut throat. Haves and Have Nots. It is simply not in human nature to share. In all of recorded history there has always been, in every society and civilization, when approached with abundance, a small percentage of those at the top and a much larger percentage at the bottom. Call it what you want—winners and losers, the One Percent and the Ninety-Nine (great name for a prog rock band), Bourgeoisie and Proletariat—it all amounts to the same dynamic.

It occurs to me that in the fight to get people fired from their jobs for tweeting arguably terrible things the double standard in place is exceptionally capitalist. On the ‘cancel culture’ side is the idea that people should be held accountable for their words in the world and, if they cross the line, then employers should fire them. On the other side, these same people will scream that an employer who decides that a kid wearing the costume of his culture or using grammatically incorrect language cannot be fired.

Both are individuals putting themselves and their ability to express themselves at the center of a business that has little to do with the individual. Everyone should have the right to their own specific identity as they see fit but no one should have the right to exert themselves above a business that pays them a salary in order to center things on them.

It’s frustrating. Economic class is the true great divider in the world. Because it is so ingrained in the human experience to live with those who have the cash and many who do not, economic class seems an unassailable unfairness. It’s an immovable and undeniable trait in societies of every stripe.

The landlord who leverages herself to get loans to buy an apartment building, fix it up to be livable, and rents it out to people has shoveled the snow. The tenant who claims it is unfair to be evicted from that apartment building because they cannot pay the rent is parking wherever there is a spot.

And it pisses everybody off.

No, it is neither race nor gender that is the engine of inequity. It’s almost entirely economic class.

Since the existence of class is so ever-present and unmoving, we focus on other things to change society. The battle to curb billionaires has never really taken hold despite the obvious problems they present. So we focus on race, we focus on gender. We spend our energy ignoring that most of inequity that exists between humans is about economics and find as many differences between those of us on the Have Not side as we can.

Why is it so hard to get rid of billionaires and that pernicious One Percent? Because we all want what they have. We all want the last piece of pizza and the parking space. We all want the luxury of luxurious things. We resent the things we'd have to do to get that luxury so instead we tear at anyone and everyone to gain whatever slice we can.

No one wants to shovel out that goddamned parking space. Trust me. In thirty years of living in Chicago, I shoveled tons and tons of snow to get that coveted spot. I never did the 'dibs' thing but I empathize with the fury at someone taking that spot I've labored over.

Study after study indicates that it is economic class that holds us back far more than race or gender but the road to power is through a perception of grievance these days and the only evil when presenting poverty as the problem is human nature. Men and women can be demonized. That game has been around for-freaking-ever. African Americans can demonize whites (but not black Americans because African immigrants in America do, on average, far better economically than whites). We can go the People of Color vs White People but, in order to make that case, Asians have to be ignored or made white-adjacent.

No, it is neither race nor gender that is the engine of inequity. It’s almost entirely economic class. Not that acknowledging that will change anything.

The utopian ideals of Socialism and even Communism sound better than Capitalism. The problem is the humans are built from the DNA to compete. Compete for resources, for sexual partners, for jobs, for shelter. Competition is as instinctual as our desire to procreate and Capitalism is a competitive sport. Throughout history, progress toward learning to truly share that slice of pizza is slow because it goes against our very nature. Not impossible and thus worth the effort but fucking S-L-O-W.

A friend recently posited that maybe I have gained some wisdom in my aging. He then switched and decided that maybe what we think is wisdom is just age plus exhaustion. Whichever it is, I have learned to share. I've also learned that in order to share, I have to assume my offer of the last piece of pie is going to be taken and stuffed into my sister's mouth. I can be wounded by the gesture, I can even be annoyed by it. I have to let it go.

I'm comfortable with the concept of enough. Meaning, if I have enough to share, I have enough to survive. Even if it's only enough of my mom's Spanish Rice.

There will be those, always those, who are so imbued with the need to compete that there is never enough. There will be those, perpetually those, who have not had enough and are willing to tear it out of the mouths of those who have.

And there will always be those, unendingly those, who are fine parking in the open spot knowing that someone else put in the work and not caring enough about anyone else that they take up the space and benefit from the labor without contributing.

On the best days, I don't run into them.

#Class

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mypinkcactus · 5 years ago

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I was reading your rant and thinking, this sounds like Spain. I also remembered you rebloging Palomo Spain and thinking wow, you have to be Spanish or be really into fashion to know this brand. But then you went and finish quoting the queen of copla and that just sent me. (1/...)

I'm not a Timmy fan or anything so I haven't seen many people commenting on this. I've seen the pictures, tho. In my opinion he just comes of as privileged in comparison to the workers there who are put at risk just by his presence and have no other choice but to go work. And it's true that he's not the one forcing employees to work during a pandemic but he's contributing to this situation. (2/...)

As I said, I haven't seen the reaction so I don't know if people are calling for his head or something but you're right that his "crime" is not close to Elg*rts actual crime. Maybe the different reactions is just a measure of their popularity? (sidenote: I'm not a huge fan of Spanish subservience to tourists but I wasn't before the pandemic anyway). (3/4)

This is getting long and you don't really need to publish or answer to this. I just followed a while ago because I read one of your fics and finding out you were Spanish was funny. My favourite Pantoja quote will forever be "Dientes, dientes, que es lo que les jode" :) (4/4)

————————————————-

Okay, I hope this doesn’t look like a mess because I’m on my tablet and this app is the worst.

First of all, thank you for reading my work whichever it was, it means a lot!!

I agree with everything you said especially about Spain (if we are both Spanish why are we speaking in English?? Lol). Anyway, It is a big issue that our economy is basically sustained by tourism… I’m scared, like, really, after what we've been through during these three months, and when we finally seemed to have the pandemic more or less under control, seeing our borders opening up to everyone, even people from countries like the UK where—well… it is scary. I recently read someone say that Spain was the bar of Europe, and it's true and it’s very sad.

As for Timmy's criticism, it's not so much that he is questioned for taking a vacation in the middle of the pandemic; I can understand people don’t liking that, and I certainly wouldn't do it. But it is also true that we are judging him through the prism of our own possibilities.

You are right saying that by going there he is putting the people who work at the hotel at risk, but I don't know how the Mexican government is handling the employment issue. If you are Spanish, you know how it's been here, and although many of us were able to stop working or work from home and get a benefit or a percentage of our salary, it hasn’t been easy for many many people. I don't know how it‘s being managed in other countries, much less how Mexico is handling it. So I cannot venture to say if what he has done is right or wrong because it‘s possible that the people who are working there need people like Timmy to stay in the hotel so that they have a job, and a salary to being able to buy food to put in their mouths.

It's a very difficult situation. And I thought about this during my own quarantine, when I needed some things I couldn't have access to because the shops were closed, and I had no choice but to order online, which meant putting those working in the warehouses and then the delivery people at risk, but of course if I don't make that order those in the warehouse wouldn’t have a job and neither the delivery people… so I don't know, I don't feel like I'm in a superior moral position to judge something like this because I have probably done questionable things too. What Timmy did may seem frivolous but, imo, not bad enough for the public harassment he and Eiza are being subjected to. It’s unnecessary and disproportionate.

OMG La Pantoja, im laughing so hard. I'm not a fan at all, but she has given so many great quotes, and “Dientes, dientes, que es lo que les jode” works for this situation, too.

Besis ❤️

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tiaragqueen · 6 years ago

Text

Tiger By The Tail

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Kim Taehyung x Gardener!Reader

✂ Word Count: 1,5k+

✂ Trigger Warning: Obsessiveness, possessiveness, implied death

✂ This story is fictional and for amusement only. I don't believe any of the members would do this in real life. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day!

Do not re-upload my writing to another website or use it without my permission.

[Edited]

***

If you like my writing, please support me on ko-fi!

"The taste of love is sweet. When hearts like ours meet, I fell for you like a child. Oh, but the fire went wild.” - Ring Of Fire [Johnny Cash]

A human’s desire knows no bounds.

It was a fact that Taehyung used to deny when he first laid his eyes on you.

You were a young woman; having been fired from your recent job and short on money. You didn’t have any particular skills, yet by some pure luck, you managed to land yourself as a new gardener in Kim's estate. It was laborious work, but the payment was worth it. As expected from the prestigious Kim family. Moreover, it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so you’d be a fool to miss it.

Due to your inexperience in gardening, you were prone to small accidents like scratching on a thorn or spraying your shirt with the hose. You weren't necessarily a klutz, as told by his butler when he recounted your interview.

However, Taehyung was well aware that he was the cause of your sudden clumsiness. Or rather, paranoia.

Taehyung had been watching you since your very first day of working through the window of his room; initially intrigued with the new addition in his house. Although he might seem aloof and indifferent, Taehyung still paid attention to his staff. He was, after all, the oldest son of the Kim family. Sooner or later, he would replace his father as the head of the family. If he was ignorant of his own servants, then how would he be a good leader for the employees later? Never mind that he wasn't particularly fond of his father's decision, but tradition is a tradition.

Yet the fact how you were still oblivious to his figure that kept standing behind the glass like a watchman was surprising and amusing at the same time.

But Taehyung was a straightforward man. He was never the dreamer, nor was he taught to be one. He was the doer; the one who actively made decisions. He wasn't the one who 'go with the flow'. He was the maker of his destiny.

Taehyung needed to see you in person; to stand and breathe in the same air as yours. It was funny how he seemed to be worshipping the ground you walked on when he could have any other woman with a flick of his fingers. He had the perfect face to make them drop their skirts off and the covetable wealth. Besides, you were just as plain – even unnoticeable – like the rest of his servants.

But of course, he had a tunnel-like vision when it came to you.

Ah, the effect of love at first sight... Something that he used to scoff at for its silliness.

This unquenchable desire was what prompted him to approach you for the first time after weeks of observing and wondering. Noticing and studying every little quirk you consciously and unconsciously did. Wishing and daydreaming about the future that included you, him, a couple of kids, a cozy house in the countryside, and a pet or two. You could even plant some plants if you wanted, or trying your hands in simple farming.

And God, he didn’t regret his choice one bit. The prelude of the many encounters to come.

Even though you wore a green apron over a plain white shirt and blue jeans, there was something remarkably attractive to you. The way your bare face – free from any makeup he was used to seeing in his everyday life – was sweaty, you still looked ethereal. Like an angel that descended from Heaven just to bless his sight with her beauty alone.

“Hello,” he spoke up with his deep voice that never failed to surprise anyone, including you. You clumsily dropped the hose that you used to water the plants and bowed.

“G-good afternoon.” you stuttered. It wasn’t until you noticed just who had personally come to see you until you stood with mouth agape like a fish out of the water. Taehyung was no stranger to such expression, but to see you act like that was strangely endearing. It made him feel... proud.

It wasn’t as if he was planning to impress you either, yet he still felt happy for some reason.

"You'll catch a fly if you keep opening your mouth like that." he teased. An indescribable warmth spread across his chest when you blushed and looked away bashfully. Just as he predicted you to.

Ever since that day, Taehyung had taken the time in his busy schedule to get to know this amazing woman that had captivated him. He learned that you were fired for exposing the company’s secrets, despite your fruitless attempts in defending yourself. It wasn’t until a few days later that your boss finally captured the real culprit, and had issued a formal apology to you. You’d forgiven them, regardless of the tiny resentment that still lingered, but refused their offer to work for them again.

Although Taehyung was exasperated with the unfair treatment you’d received - how did they just blame you for such a cruel crime without proof? - your rejection had eased his burning anger. Taehyung discreetly relaxed, satisfied with your decision. How could he not? Had you accept their proposal, then surely he wouldn’t be able to meet you. And that was something he couldn’t and refused to imagine.

You also told him a bit about your past - after days of insistent coaxing from him; you didn't know why he was so adamant about learning it - like your mother’s illnesses, for example. It broke his heart when he saw your eyes teared up a little at the mention of her laying in bed, tended by your siblings. Through this revelation, Taehyung could see the exhaustion that sagged your eyelids or the occasional glaze in your beautiful irises.

You were exhausted, both mentally and physically.

Taehyung bit his lower lip. Why didn't he notice this before? He felt like a terrible boyfriend now...

In an attempt to 'fix' his mistake, Taehyung offered you a job as his secretary with double payment. You were honestly tempted to take it – with such a high salary, you could pay the hospital bills quicker – but something in you had prevented you from doing that. Although you admitted that you felt a bit paranoid lately, you didn’t know if you were ready to take on such a huge responsibility.

Or maybe you were just lying to yourself because really, there was something suspicious from him. Sure, he was nice and all, but this little voice inside your head kept telling you to watch out for him. And frankly, his presence alone always made your nerves skyrocketed despite him regularly accompanying you.

But of course, you being you, ignored all the little hints until it was too late.

It was one gloomy day when Taehyung noticed a silver ring on your finger. Particularly the ring finger. You told him, with a small yet jubilant smile in your face, that you were happily engaged. Taehyung fell silent, speechless with the answer despite having been dreading it beforehand. You were his girlfriend after all, and obviously, he wasn't prepared to hear that kind of response.

But if there was one important thing he learned from being a businessman aside from the boring stuff, was that you couldn’t always wear your emotions on the sleeves. And Taehyung did exactly just that.

He smiled the same boxy smile and congratulated you, paying no heed to your surprised countenance. Only those who look deep into his eyes would notice the hidden and dark intent behind his so-called 'support'.

In the next few days, you came to work bleary-eyed. You made a lot of mistakes more than usual, and you were sensitive to even the slightest scold from the butler. Taehyung, noticing your depressing mood, pulled you aside, and gently asked the reason. You couldn’t even say more than three words before you broke down in his embrace, the reality of your fiancé being dead becoming too much for you to bear. Taehyung happily accepted the inevitable breakdown and cooed comforting words into your ears.

You were so vulnerable; so deep in grief until you missed the tiny smirk that graced his exotic features. Or the brief beeping sound that notified him about the successful mission of killing a certain man.

But Taehyung didn’t care. As long as he had you in his arms - caressing your messy hair like this - nothing else mattered anymore.

To hell with sins and guilt. You were the love of his life. His soulmate. You were lucky that his love was the only thing that prevented him from forcing you to watch your fiancé's horrifying torture.

Because Kim Taehyung was cruel like that. His mysteriously handsome face disguised a wicked man, willing to do anything it takes to make the love of his life as his.

At least, you could learn to love him now. Even if you didn't, then he would have no problem threatening you to stop paying for your mother's hospital bills, essentially killing her with stress and deteriorating health. Or even guilt-tripping you for everything he'd done for you.

Whichever worked the best.

Outside, the sun finally showed herself in the overcast sky after she went into rather long hiding.

#yandere taehyung #yandere kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #yandere bts #yandere bangtan seonyeondan #yandere au #yandere taehyung x reader #yandere kim taehyung x reader #yandere kpop #yandere one-shot #yandere v x reader #v x reader

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