#or even just fucking ACCESS things is ‘annoying’
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thepoisonroom · 1 day ago
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can i make a post about being irritated by antimaskers as a disabled person without annoying people trying to condescendingly explain accommodations for my disability to me! btw!
#like how poor is your reading comprehension that you don't understand that what i'm mad about is antimaskers' BAD FAITH invocation of#a disability that i have#like with these customer freaks i am making good faith attempts to accommodate them and they are rejecting those attempts and#refusing to work with me to identify and enact an accommodation#and instead just double down and harangue me for wearing a mask and keep insisting i take it off#which like. does not make me feel like these are good faith attempts to request accommodation#and are more likely antimasker customers trying to badger me into compromising my safety with like#a weaponized invocation of disability that if i'm being honest feels very flippant about the actual difficult lived reality of disabilty#so to be honest it feels VERY annoying to be condescended to by people on here lack reading comprehension and think that i#simply do not know enough about accommodations!#also to the person who brought up sign language in the replies it's actually a know language education and rights problem that#many Deaf/HOH don't know ASL or their contextual sign language and may not have access to opportunities to learn/practice/use it#so tbh i'm sure that person meant well but it did make me feel the exact same strangled rage#as when white people speak a bit of mandarin are like 'oh teehee i guess that makes me a better asian than you' like fuck OFF#at least no one has pulled a full how dare you say we piss on the poor yet but can people actually read things somewhat or at all#and not try to tumblrsplain hearing disabilities to me!!!!!!!#i'm soooooooo irate when i should be having pizza movie night with my beautiful girlfriend i think i'm gonna turn off reblogs on that post#the horrible temptation to reply really rudely then block#personal nonsense#eta: also to be clear the sign language issue is that even if i hadn't studied asl (i have)#it wouldn't actually be a silver bullet for communicating with people who rely on lip reading#so like......that just comes off very ignorant to act like i'm too stupid to think of that#or like it's a simple solution that people with hearing disabilities are just forgetting about
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bestruction · 17 hours ago
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His favorite positions
Summary: Just a few headcanons about his favorite sex positions with you because i'm a horny mf
Warnings:...Sex?
Missionary
Sasuke favored missionary because it allowed him...Many possibilities. Like with many people, it was the first position you two tried but eventually, the more you two had sex, the bolder he got.
He fucking loved the feeling of your legs around his waist, but what if he pushed your knee up to your chest? What if he puts your legs on his shoulders? Maybe he should place his hands on the inside of your thighs and keep you spread open for him...
This man is addicted to control for many reasons, which makes the idea of you lying down on the bed, just for him, ready to take anything he has to give you way too appealing. On top of that, he gets to watch you bite your lips, whimper his name, and melt as he fucks you just right and eye contact was something that felt deeply intimate and grounding to him.
Missionary allows him to hold your hands softly or pin them above your head. He could just switch it up depending on his mood.
Spooning
Lazy Sunday mornings were always a problem. The sun would shine through the curtains, telling him it was already time to get up. If he came back from a particularly long mission it'd be even worse because it means he needs to visit the Hokage's office to report, but how can he when you are sleeping so peacefully in his arms?
If he tried to call your name it would never work. So based on his experience as your boyfriend, he tried to get your attention by kissing your temples, and behind your ears. He swears it's always innocent at first. But the way these kisses quickly slide down your neck, leaving a warm trail on your skin, makes you doubt his intentions.
He loves spooning because in these moments all he has to do was stick his hands inside your pajama shorts to quickly push through your folds and find your clit. Your back pressed against his chest as your legs instantly opened more for him, giving him easier access to your pussy never failed to get a smirk out of him. He'd whisper "morning" in your ear with that husky voice that you loved, pressing down your bud of nerves to make you whimper his name.
Sasuke liked the gentle intimacy of spooning, how it allowed him to make you cum on his fingers, and still play with your nipples, how everything he had to do to fuck you right was pull down your shorts and pound you slowly until you are begging him to go faster. Definitely one of his favorites.
Against the Wall
I feel like at a certain point, there isn't a wall in the house that you haven't been pushed up against at least once. He is a very impulsive and impatient person and also loves physical touch. It's a way to express what he is feeling without having to use words, which he struggles with a lot. This all means if you two are fighting or you are annoying him a bit too much just because you like teasing him, you might end up getting dicked down.
The first time it happened you were teasing him a bit too much while you two organized the living room, you liked pushing his buttons to see how much you could get away with since he had a soft spot for you. It started with some silly joke you don't remember but when he told you to stop, you didn't and the next thing you knew was that you were being pressed against the wall with your knees shaking, trying to keep yourself upright. If it weren't for his hands on your hips you would have been on the floor in an instant, which is why he loves it.
Again: control. He loved knowing he could make you feel like this. Like a mess against the wall who can't even stop drooling because he keeps hitting that sweet spot inside of you each time, he shoves his dick in your poor pussy. Where's all the teasing now? Lost behind your glassy eyes.
Cowgirl
Sasuke appreciated this position because it allowed you to take control, which he secretly enjoyed more than he liked to admit. Watching you on top of him, hair freely around your face as you place your hands on his chest and do your best to accommodate his size always left him in awe for you. The way your breasts bounce each time you let your hips fall on his cock, how you let your head fall behind you each time his tip kisses deep inside of you making you smile at how good it feels. He had to hold himself back from not cumming way too fast every time he saw that naughty smile of yours. Plus, it gave him the chance to rest his hands on your hips and guide you gently (not so gently sometimes) if you say you are too tired because what do you mean you can't take it anymore? Of course, you can, you can do it for him, can't you?
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tragedykery · 2 years ago
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oougughh boiling over with rage about people’s attitudes towards accessibility again
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shiny-meowstics · 5 days ago
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pokemon: yeah, we've added more and more shiny locks to starters, legendaries, and mythicals bc we don't want players wasting hours and hours of their time in front of the screen not playing the game the way we want them to play it
also pokemon: let's start distributing shiny mythicals, but only after players have wasted hours and hours of their time catching/trading for every single pokemon for specific dexes, which means they'll also need to literally invest hundreds of dollars into a bunch of half finished games and their dlc's. that or they waste literal weeks of their time if its one of the shiny mythicals that are/have been distributed through Go through paid researches
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look-at-the-stars-tonight · 5 months ago
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the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier
#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it#like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point#i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child#so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg#and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me#i think this would be easier with a partner#this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough#unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american#i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled#i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything#(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works#cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted#i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift#by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook#indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable#and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least#i wish i was less pickyyy#sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food#i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish#and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying
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seventh-district · 10 days ago
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it's always something. PLEASE can i just go One single day without there being Something
#vent post#cw injury mention#cw shooting mention#don't know why i keep getting involved in these political debates with an old ignorant drunkard. i'd be better off talking to a brick wall#i say 'talking' as if he ever lets me get a word in edgewise. he just wants a Nice Quiet Woman to complain to. not a real conversation.#can't believe i spent 2hrs last night trying to explain basic facts about the universe and evolution when he probably remembered none of it#not to quote Dr. Ratio in a vent post but. the most annoying thing about idiocy Truly is that you can't explain it to an idiot#'i am a STRAIGHT MAN 😡😡😡 how do you expect me to give you a QUEER answer???' bro all i did was ask why u don't like gay ppl.. chill...#'well in BibLIcaL tiMeS-' man u just ranted abt how ur atheist & don't believe in the bible. u can't turn around and use it in an argument#so we somehow went from fictional stories to The Gays to religion to outer space to the birth of the universe to evolution to currency#and when he started in on China & covid i simply had to walk away. i can't listen to any more of his regurgitated propaganda conspiracies#oh and how can i forget the tangent he went off on about his beloved guns after the Antioch shooting yesterday! that took 30mins at least#i did read the kid's manifesto and lowkey wish i hadn't because Jesus Fucking Christ i'm so worried about the state of children online#i really do love the internet and the countless good things it has brought into the world and into my own life#but i didn't have access to it until i was.. 11 i think? and the internet was a Very different place in 2011 than it is in the 2020s#worst i did was watch clickbait YT videos about mermaids being real. now 9 year-olds are getting radicalized on Twitch???#idk i'm so 'old' and out of the loop now. i barely recognized like half of those words he used. but god i'm worried sick for the kids.#anyways. all last night's 'debate' accomplished was me getting told that my fiction writing doesn't do anything good for the world#and got reminded that being gay is a mental illness. :) and that he doesn't trust in science. or anything logical for that matter#he's just gonna keep saying the same bullshit he was raised to believe without a single critical thought as to whether it was correct#i'm done trying to find common ground with someone like that. waste of my precious time. i could be playing a video game lmao#anyways later that evening i accidentally sustained some burns to my left hand. and i am totally fine. but i was too tired to clean & wrap-#-it up before i fell asleep. so i woke up hours later panicked from a nightmare with my hand fucking throbbing and my mom standing over me#in her own little panic because she didn't check her fucking pants pockets and accidentally washed her flip phone and it was. well. soaked.#so i got to spend all morning taking it apart in hopes of salvaging it so i don't have to hassle with moving her number to a new one!!!#then poured hydrogen peroxide all over my burned hand Knowing it wasn't the best idea but i. did it anyways bc my hubris cannot be stopped#and holy shit that didn't feel good! had to keep reminding myself to breathe or i was gonna pass out lmao that shit made my joints hurt#how does a skin wound ache all the way down to the bone. anyways. it's wrapped now and i'm Alllll better :) no mental illness in This body#anyways thanks to that i got out of making dinner and doing the dishes! and i got a burger and fries and am dipping them in ice cream#the fries not the burger im not that unhinged. anyways now im gonna boot up Genshin and try to turn my tired little brain off for the night
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daxite · 24 days ago
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noticing that more and more people are beginning to charge really ridiculous prices for pins, sad!
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sealeneee · 5 months ago
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siiiiiiigh
#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here#my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another#she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something#upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this#and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it#today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i#had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything#and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin#myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission#and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless#i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down#even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me#but i also fucking hate it#maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily#i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already#and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there#i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me#i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something#nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why 👍#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me#i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics#i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it#one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly#all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't#have to go back#sealene.txt
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ghosts-vignettes · 10 months ago
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can people stop saying things like "SOUND ON" or "you HAVE to unmute" when nobody provided captions… guys. guys please. pointing at the sign over here. guys do you forget that there are many reasons that someone might not be able to hear the audio. guys.
[disclaimer before someone gets snippy: this is a vent. this is not intended to be a politely worded PSA. it is a vent.]
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sysig · 1 year ago
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Ughhhhhhh
#I just......wanted to work on some new video editing techniques..........#Spoiler: It went........so fucking bad lol#Like restart my computer because it basically stopped functioning bad#That seems like a non sequitor but believe me getting from A to Z was an awful ordeal#I've been curious for a while if I could sync up my footage to the audio - y'know cut the video up in time with the music! Classic#Normally I'd fall back on WMM but it has this annoying desync glitch(?) where it renders everything correctly but previews it out of time#So trying to line up the visuals to the audio - well I have to restart and listen through everything so far for it to align properly :/#Lightworks is being a bitch as well - I guess it just stopped?? having a feature that it had a couple years ago that controls clip length#So I get random-length clips! That I can't stretch or extend! Y'know - The Thing I need to do!#I also tried Openshot and by about the point the advice had me changing my security settings I noped out#Literally would crash if I tried to import one (1) .png >:P#And I'm not about to give my info to Yet Another freeware like DaVinci Resolve since it went So Well with Lightworks#Didn't stop me from downloading and installing the wrong version for like an hour which Greatly lagged out my computer#And then as said it was the wrong version even if I did have access to it so I wouldn't be able to use it anyway!#How come we have such good opensource video capture and streaming software like OBS#And like LibreOffice for word processing and Audacity for audio and just - so many good opensource programs!#But video editing is a step too far#Ugh#Today's been a wash >:/#At least my uptime is all shiny sparkly new for streaming maybe tomorrow lol#I dunno it depends on how sleep goes - y'know how it is after being frustrated for so long#I really wanted to! I wanted to do a lot of things >:(#I'll see how it all goes#Guess I'm going back to WMM - ugh - once I've properly cooled down and Actually Prepared for the slog#If anyone has any video editing software recommendations I am all ears tho#Obviously not any of the ones mentioned here as they Did Not Work lol#I just want........an intuitive place where I can drag-and-drop images and be able to crop their length up or down to the audio#Hell I'll take a patch for the desync if such a thing exists lol - looks like it's been a problem for like 10 years! Hgg#I just want to Make Thing In Head happen! It is not a lack of will! I am 100% blaming my tools on this one lol#I'm an amateur video editor I have the right to be whiny! I want a tool that isn't hell to operate! JFLHFJKLFHIOSEJF Anyway lol
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livvyofthelake · 2 years ago
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this is what i was referring to the other day btw.... she literally said well you people were annoying last time so fuck off i'm not doing it anymore.... and i stand with her <3
#i love the way she writes responses to people who are clearly annoying her... one of the funniest things about her fr#beth.txt#this post is from 2015 just fyi. so both 1 year pre tda and 5 years pre tlh#i don't know what characters she's speciaifcally referring to that she explicitly said their sexuality before the book came out. because i#wasn't there back then. but i CAN speak to the way she handled ty. which i WAS there for. and it was hilarious. you all really missed out#one of those things you had to experience in real time spanning years...#that was back when this franchise was still accessible tho. and you could get into it with minimal work#there were only like ten books back then....#ok ten is a lot but you have to understand that there are 21 now. AND sobh. and four more coming. AT LEAST.#not even counting all the holly black books that are not essential to the tsc lore PER SE. but actually they are. for REAL ones.#like i cannot imagine thinking you have a full understanding of cassandra's work and you haven't read holly's modern faerie tales or the sp#spiderwick chronicles. OR MAGESTERIUM.#god imagine being a cassie fan but you havent read the magesterium books.....#(me. i never finished them)#and then also you of course must familiarize yourself with the writing of cassie's collaborators on the novella collections.#so you also have to read hacking harvard. and 13 little blue envelopes.#and of couurse you have to do all of this concurrently with wearing a cheap fandom neckalce every day (izzy's ruby necklace) that turns the#back of your neck green and gets really worn and ugly looking because it's cheap metal and you literally don't take it off.#anyway. only THEN do you understand the lifestyle.#what the fuck was this post originally about. oh yeah cassie is soooo funny <3
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valla-chan · 2 years ago
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grgrrggrhgkrhkaukerhgjherkajg/..... GRRGRGRGRRGTFHFHFFHGGTFTFTGFGFG
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jonny-b-meowborn · 2 years ago
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I really miss doing art and I think at this point I've mostly recovered from being overworked with my diploma, I wish I had a desk* so I could draw without having to hold my laptop on my lap and completely busting my spine and knees and wrists
*I do have a desk that belongs to me but my brother keeps occupying it, and if I leave the room for literally more than five minutes while my laptop is on said desk, he will remove it and put his own laptop on the desk
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arolesbianism · 2 months ago
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Oh also further update on my experiences with the new oni dlc. Bionic dupes struggle in early game ceres a bit I think (their poor poor gears)
#rat rambles#oni posting#now the pro is that I dont think their defragmentation is interrupted by the cold so thats nice ig#but the main issues rly come in gunk freezing at ceres tempuratures and oil not being easily accessible early on#and while having the grinding gears debuff isn't necessarily the end of the world it is still rough and very much not ideal#and since preserving the cold of your starting biomes is super important in early ceres it leaves you with quite the predicament#now ofc there are other theoretical ways around that (primarily a vacumed tank or double liquid locking into a warmer biome)#but it very much continues the bionic dupe gameplay thing of them needing to shift your early game heavily to fit their needs#which is good btw! all of this Im saying is stuff I like! I like how bionic dupes shift the early game significantly#but yeah the real reason I think they have a slight disadvantage compared to normal dupes starting off is because they dont have access to#the frost proof trait which is Extremely nice to have early on when you can't start ranching for a few days#now the nice thing abt bionic dupes is that their starting perks can help jumpstart a lot of stuff you would have to wait or get lucky for#mainly being able to dig granite right off the bat is a godsend on ceres and being able to have someone who can ranch immediately is also#very very good and I imagine you could easily speedrun getting your ranches running if you play your cards right#now the downside is ofc that its still probably going to take a few days even in the best case scenario#the cold is still going to slow your work down and the research is going to take time plus theres yknow. other early game things too.#and a starting bionic dupe rancher isnt an ideal starting dupe in my opinion since its going to take a little while until they can do much#youd probably be better off getting multiple diggers or getting a normal dupe with the ranching 1 skill#that does actually lead me to another mild complaint abt bionic dupes tho which is that I rly wish their traits were more interesting#like normal dupes have so much random bullshit and if a duplicant can be constantly emitting radiation and light then just think abt what#sort of fucked up shit bionic dupes could be doing#or even just like more normal shit like them having more or less energy consumption rates or smth#I just think that theres a lot of variety missing in the actual bionic dupes themselves that makes it much less interesting to get new ones#theres less choices to be made with them and that makes me sad because weighing the variety in duplicant traits is part of what makes#getting new ones so fun to me especially when your put in a situation where a dupe that has a trait you really need has a terrible downside#I feel like with the traits currently no bionic dupe rly has that sort of situation going for them which is less interesting to me#like its rly fun to have duplicants that need light to sleep for example and having to go out of your way to accommodate for them#which isnt smth that any individual bionic dupe forces you to do#like you will need to accommodate bionic dupes as a whole if you have them but no single one has specific needs like that#which makes me sad! let them have annoying problems that you have to suck up and deal with because you desperately need another digger rn
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alagaisia · 9 months ago
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This is something I learned at one of the pre-op visits for my breast reduction! My surgeon was basically I think an independent surgeon (as I guess I would imagine is common for “cosmetic”/plastic surgeons?) and she was telling us a little bit about what to do for talking to insurance about the surgery and stuff, and she mentioned that for us going through insurance it would be at a particular hospital, but she also often did surgeries where people didn’t use there insurance, and she did those at some other place, and the price she charged up front was much lower, because that was the actual cost of the surgery (and equipment and everyone’s salaries etc.) and she had to raise the ticket price significantly when people would go through insurance, because the insurance company would negotiate that price down, and then keep some of the money. (Obviously for us and many others it still worked out to be cheaper for us out of pocket to go through insurance, but the amount she made was roughly the same even though it would look like she charged thousands more for my breast reduction than for someone not using insurance)
So, when you get those bills from your insurance after a doctors visit, and there’s that little table that tells you, this is the cost of the visit, this is the discount we got you, this is how much we paid, this is how much you still have to pay?
That line about “we got you this discount” is misleading. They actually caused the provider to raise the initial cost of your care by that amount, or more, in anticipation of the insurance company refusing to pay the full amount so that they could tell you they got you a discount.
"Why does a 15-minute visit with a doctor cost 150 bucks in America???" you're gonna want to read Money-Driven Medicine, by Maggie Mahar, and probably also The Social Transformation of American Medicine, to answer that question. It is not because your doctor is a greedy bastard; your doctor does not see most of that money. It is because the system is broken to a level that is truly impressive in its dedication to making a shit ton of money for insurance company executives and shareholders.
#my doctors visits are always around 3 or 400 for me because they never get billed as physicals because I also need prescriptions filled#and I need to go in 4x a year because adderall is so heavily restricted#and my last visit was actually $700 because they needed to drug test me not even for a real reason but because at the previous visit when#they drug tested me (also for bullshit reasons- to check that I was taking my meds instead of selling them or soemthing)#it came up with a false positive for opioids. which I don’t have access to or interest in and would not have been in my system#(mom’s nurse friend hypothesized that maybe the poppy seeds on the wverythign bagel I probably had for breakfast that morning set it off. it#seems like that’s a pretty common food to have and they should either warn you ahead of time about that or it shouldn’t be sensitive enough#to pick that up)#and insurance was like ‘we got you a $195 discount’ which is bs and ‘we paid $4’ which is even stupider#so now at my next virtual visit I’m gonna have to say hey I know the answer is no because of institutionalized stigma against me that you’re#not willing to push back on but I can’t fuckingn afford to keep paying $1600+ a year for what at this point is a middle man between me and a#pharmacist because I’ve been on this medication for fucking ages and all my other ones could be refilled at a yearly physical#so is there any way we could change things up somehow. and she’s going to say no. and I’m going to be angry and upset about it for days#back when i was at my pediatrician I had to go in every six months which was annoying but I would happily go back to that over four times a#year#but idk if the rules changed or if the rules are different for adults or if my doctor just sucks bc I brought that up early on and she was#like no this is what we do#I mean. I can technically afford it. I have the money I’m not going into medical debt or anything. I live at home with my parents and have#very low living expenses and my checking account is limited primarily by my own standards of how much I’ve decided I want to be putting into#my savings account each paycheck. but when the biggest expense in my life is something that already frustrates me and that I know is exp too#expensive and that I feel I shouldn’t have to be doing anyway and I know I’m being treated unfairly#it just feels so much worse. having to take money out of my savings account wouldn’t be the end of the world. but it feels wrongs#and I only make like $36#lmao I forgot about the commas thing.#like $36k a year so I also am aware that even though I’m in a lucky place where I’m stable that’s not *that* much money and I feel like that#is how I tend to think of things. because I’m not going to live with my parents forever and I’m deeply aware that for most people who have#to pay a rent or a mortgage $36k is the lower end of things and a seven fucking hundred dollar doctors bill is a big fuckingn deal#for a regular fucking doctors appointment#it’s not like I fucking asked to be drug tested they said ‘pay us to look at your pee or else’#it’s all bullshit
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seventh-district · 12 days ago
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#cw vent#hahaha everything is spiraling out of my control again and i have no will to do anything about it haha ha#i don’t even want any help i just wanna be left alone to numb my brain with unhealthy indulgences until the consequences crash down on me#i mean i don’t Want the consequences but i know they’ll happen. i can feel them building. it’s inevitable.#but if i were Truly alone and had no one reaching out to me then it’d be like 2020 again and i don’t think i could survive that#so i should really force myself to talk to certain people and like. be a decent human and try to act like a decent friend. but ik im not#i take peoples presence in my life for granted until they stop putting up with my shit. as they should. as they really should.#my social drive and capacity is just so low. so so low. but thats not a good excuse. neither are any of my other excuses.#im just so. empty. brain feels like . a brick. sigh. my mouth hurts. will i go clean it out though? no. no im gonna sit here and eat#eat eat eat thats all i do. i need a shower. i have to go to the bank. the aquariums need tending. the house needs repairs. i need sleep#i need a drivers license and a trip to the dentist. an autism diagnosis. testosterone gel. a legal name change. a real hug.#but anyways. i’ve been told it’s annoying how much i repeat the things i need to do. so i should learn to be quiet about them.#i should learn to be more quiet in general. venting is just putting my negativity out into the world. and before the eyes of people with-#-enough on their plate. my head hurts. almost like doomscrolling Reddit for 3 hours was a bad idea huh#my back locked up after spending 3hrs standing in the exact same spot debating politics with someone bc i refuse to sit on his bed instead#the amount of time i’ve spent standing in that doorway over the years is insane. listening to him drunk-yap from the comfort of his bed.#but if i go get a chair he talks even longer so. anyways had to lay down to let my back loosen up afterwards and instead of playing a game#or catching up with a friend or doing anything that might actually improve my mood i just doomscrolled and triggered myself again. :)#now my head hurts and i’m hungry and thirsty and unclean and i just wish he was proud of me. i wish they were proud of me. but im nothing#what’s there to be proud of. what’s there to love. just a burden that he never wanted and the reason they both drink. apparently.#how in God’s name am i twenty five years old. i feel like a child. an overgrown child. fumbling around and playing pretend.#if i have to hear him say ‘suck my dick’ one more time im gonna break something. what a crude insult. stop putting that image in my head.#i guess there’s always gonna be a gaping hole where his unconditional love was supposed to be. as much as i try to ignore it. it hurts.#don’t even know why i want praise from someone so ignorant that i had to explain to him that frankenstein’s monster wasn’t ever real#this is hypocritical coming from a 7th grade dropout but lack of education or at least desire & ability to access factual information is-#-a fucking travesty. it’s sad but it’s also dangerous. ignorance is toxic. we have a fucking education crisis.#how the fuck we went from arguing over dr. frankenstein’s fictional status to fact-checking his statements on the national debt idfk#ah fuck its ten till midnight i have to speed run my dailies. whatever thats enough venting anyway. i should just delete it all
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