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nonsensefromtheabyss · 3 months

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W.I.P Wednesday 1: The List

I don’t really know how big of a deal WIP Wednesday is on here, but it’s when my writing club used to be so I’ve decided I might as well start again! Maybe not every Wednesday, but I think it might be nice to share my thoughts instead of cannibalising them quietly. This week, I am doing that project list I mentioned before: Behold! Here are all the works I have on the schedule/drawing board at the moment.

HAZBIN HOTEL.

A Broken Record On Repeat In A Crowded Bar: a story about a brutally injured Alastor refusing to rely on his friends and toying with the boundaries of his deal. It also looks at everyone else’s perspectives post-extermination and features a lot of Charlie struggling with where she and her dreams stand in the new status quo. Quite dark, mostly character driven, will be 13 chapters long when done.

Still working on Chapter 5. Have been working on Chapter 5 for longer than I ever thought possible. Unfortunately my hours at work have increased which, along with a few changes in my personal life, means I’ve had less project time recently. It is hovering somewhere around 2/3s completed and I’m still hopeful to get it out this month. Overall, the whole project is sitting at around 60,000 words if I tally up all the chapter documents—not bad for an idea that started as a fucking oneshot!

I’ve also finally got a table that I can paint at, so I’m doing a painting of the Final Confrontation. No idea why; I sneezed and the sketch appeared. I have absolutely no faith that it’ll be finished by the time I upload that chapter, but sometimes we do these things for the journey. And the joy of painting. I’ve not had anywhere to paint for a year.

PROFESSOR LAYTON.

When The Dust Settles and Professor Layton And The Master’s Last Painting: post Unwound Future Sycamore and Layton team up to solve a case where the people have vanished from a bunch of paintings. At the same time, Layton is trying to uncover what his estranged brother has been doing for the past three years. Mystery elements, psychological elements, a complete disregard for reality; slightly darker than the game series, but only in the sense that I describe the violence. The prologue and first part of what’s planned to be a trilogy.

I actually don’t know if anyone here knows about these works; I wasn’t on tumblr when I started them. And I’ve been gone for… quite some time…

Basically, I got halfway through Chapter 15 and got really, really stuck—partly due to other things happening in my life at the time, and partly because it… wasn’t feeling right. To try and refresh myself with how we’d gotten to that point in the story, I read back through all my published Layton work and… was not inspired. I actually realised how much I disliked my early writing; I wasn’t using scenes or characters effectively, the threads for the mystery as a whole were either too obscure or flat out not there—I was displeased. Particularly because this is a project I get really excited about when I think about my plans for the series; all my work deserves my best effort, but this one in particular has a lot of potential to me that I don’t feel like I captured in my initial writings. Time to start fresh! Take another swing at it! I have a different method of working now, and I feel certain that this time I can capture my vision.

So, I finished my dissertation and cleared my first ever Big Project, and I had already started on the big rewrite… and then I fell down a hole into Hazbin Hotel. I cannot stress enough that Broken Record was supposed to be a oneshot. Finishing these two works is next on my list, this time I swear it. I already have the story divided up into chapter documents, and some have been fully reworked, It Is Happening. You still probably won’t see anything for a while yet, but if you’re one of my readers from before or on the off chance you’re curious now, feel free to pop up to chat about it!

RIDDLE SCHOOL.

Unnamed Project. I’m so fucking back. Some very lovely people said they’d be interested in seeing more from me in my Riddle V.I.Z.ion universe, and I accidentally fell in love with these characters all over again while completing that project. Yall convinced me and I am so very happy about that!

The work will be a collection of moments from the aliens’ lives, jumping around in time between past and present within the timeline and history I’ve given them. More detail into how they work together, what their home planet is like, what they actually got up to as V.I.Z.ion members, stuff like that! Basically an excuse for me to write more for them. At the minute, I have their timelines (collective and individual) plotted out in a document, and have selected sections of history I think would be interesting to explore, so I would say a rough plot is hesitantly in place!

Because it’s not going to be precisely linear (given that we already know where they end up, I don’t think there’s anything to be gained from sticking to the laws of time!) I’m thinking I can be a bit more flexible with myself in how I work on it. Which means I might try and fit it in around other projects as a little treat to refresh myself. If I think of it like Short Stories In A Shared Universe instead of Another Book, it feels manageable that I might add to it without disrupting my workflow, which means it hopefully won’t take another seven years (always a good thing!)

I’m also doing more art for Riddle V.I.Z.ion as well, fuck it. I had a vision (hah!) I saw the shipyard and the miserable campfire. I’ve never painted space before, but this seems a good enough reason to try. (I’ve painted the woods many, Many times.)

So, if you’re interested in this project while it’s still in the early stages, or you’ve read Riddle V.I.Z.ion and were interested in more, feel free to drop by and chat! Currently I’m stuck on a name; Puzzle Pieces has a certain appeal, but I think that would also be nice as a series title, and I think I’d like to keep the ‘Riddle’ naming theme for the main instalments. Riddle Classified? Riddle Planet? Riddle Logbook? Unauthorised Access feels nice in my head, but again with the lack of ‘Riddle’ continuity. Hm. I’ll keep at it. It’s the annoying moment where I realise that ‘Riddle V.I.Z.ion’ itself would have been the perfect title for this too!

DON’T HUG ME I’M SCARED.

Three Friends, Three Foes, Three Names They’ll Never Know: a series of drabbles about terrible things happening to the Three Guys. Very graphic and violent. Horror elements with a lot of gore.

Believe it or not, I actually have three more chapters I always meant to add to that story that just got pushed around in favour of other things. Always meant to get back around and finish them; as you can see, they’re on The List!

So, in short order, we have ‘The Yellow Guy Chapter (a nightmare about stairs)’, ‘The Bigger Boys Chapter (bestie you forgot about The Cycle)’, and the ‘Lore Chapter (contains nothing of use to anyone, is Not A Theory.)’ They’re all about 1/3 done; i dip into them whenever I feel like rewatching the series or writing psychological and physical horror without any embellishments. Not much to declare on this front but they will be done at some point.

RESIDENT EVIL: VILLAGE.

The Monsters You Told Your Children About: all the characters except for Mother Miranda are brought back to life by The Duke. Rose is declared a bio weapon by the BSAA and is taken into their custody. Thus begins a road trip where Ethan, with encouragement from The Duke, convinces the four most dangerous monsters he knows to help him rescue his baby. This story is basically fucked up found family with the mold acting as a Get Along shirt for everyone involved and The Duke eating popcorn.

Contrary to popular belief, this story isn’t dead! Much like Ethan himself, it is merely in a perpetual state of rotting, and that hasn’t kept it from coming back to kick me in the ass whenever I feel inspired to look at it again. Original projection length was stupidly optimistic—this thing needs to be more than 8 chapters long or it’s just going to be nonsense. It needs some structural revision in its planning department, which is why it went cold in the first place; few things more demoralising than realising you’ve lost inspiration and your basic building-blocks suck.

So! I’m keeping the same concept and ideas and just… reworking the elements to flow better as a narrative instead of just being a collection of things I immediately wanted coming out of the game. Of course, this should have been step one all those years ago, but I rather got ahead of myself.

CUPHEAD.

Untitled project. This was a curve ball to me. Divine inspiration to work out the perfect plot… for something I had wanted to write about in 2017. The devil works in mysterious ways and apparently She wants me to write more fic.

Following the Devil’s retreat, all the souls on the Inkwell Isles are released, and the Casino collapses into dust and rubble. The Casino, which I remind you, belongs once again to its original owner, the newly freed and magicless King Dice, who is not able to counter that degree of property damage. Mostly because even lawyers hate him.

Left with nothing to his name but his soul, King Dice, followed by his loyal court, embarks on a solemn quest: to punch his old boss in the fucking face.

(Featuring: bullying Saltbaker into opening a portal to Hell, Cagney running the woodland mafia, Spirited Away soul trains, and potion brewing with Elder Kettle (he’s being held at gun point.) Not show compliant, I have never watched it.)

I’m not thinking about this one too hard. I’m hoping if I stop looking at it, it’ll go away (it won’t.)

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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 2 years

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Young American - Part 16**

Hello friends! I finally finished this chapter! It's kind of a filler to set up for her meeting his family next! I haven't decided if their trip will just be one or two chapters, but that's what's coming next! Also, a visual of her dress for the wedding will be posted at the very end! Thank you for your patience I've had the longest week!

Series Masterlist

Warnings: unprotected sex (p in v), a little dry humping moment, breeding kink

WC: 8K

Today was the day in which Y/N would finally be able to tattoo her aunt. She had been looking forward to this for years and the time had finally come. Harry had offered his place for a bit more privacy now that he had brought over all of his equipment, but Julie insisted that they do it at the shop. She took the final appointment of the day, at 5:30pm, so that they would kind of have some private time as it would kind of be big tattoo. Harry drew up the stencil while Y/N introduced Julie to everyone she hadn’t met yet. They had been super sweet and bought her a healthy cake, well as healthy as cake could get, balloons and flowers. Julie really enjoyed getting to know everyone and finally when it was time to get on the table she greeted Harry and chatted with him while Y/N got set up.

“Alright, ready?” Y/N asked.

“I’ve been ready.” Julie said with a grin and Y/N, G, and Harry chuckled and just like that Y/N was going over the first line of the stencil. G started asking her about why she wanted this tattoo and Julie explained her interest in it and what it meant to her. Harry listened on as well, but was more assisting Y/N is she needed the supplies or more ink or vaseline, like the good boyfriend he was. It was such an intricate tattoo that Y/N was just quiet and focusing on keeping to the stencil of the flower of life pattern, but also to keep her emotions in check; she couldn’t start to tear up in the middle of this.

The rest of the crew did hang back and they ordered some dinner as well, wanting to wait and show their support for Y/N’s first large tattoo, but also such a special one to her. They did take a little break to eat before Y/N jumped back into it with Julie and Harry at her side while everyone else socialized a bit in the lounge before they started to head home. Now Y/N was starting to work on the outer elements, which were inspired by some mandala art that Julie really wanted incorporated.

“How are you feeling, darling?” Julie asked Y/N and she just exhaled a bit shakily.

“Honestly, just trying to keep it together.” She admitted with a soft smile and Julie sighed.

“Me too.” She confessed through a giggle, “H, can I bug you to take a vide for my instagram story?” Julie asked.

“Yeah, of course.” He said turning back to the counter where she’d set her things down.

“The password’s 1983.” She said and he typed it in before finding her instagram app and starting to record the story. Harry actually had a great eye behind the lens and so Y/N didn’t question it when he started to record but crouched down and then made his way around to show Julie smiling at the head of the bench. He then let it replay for her to see, “Oh, that’s really good! Save it, and then type “getting tattooed by my lovely niece, and tag her, and then put dream come true.” Harry did just as he was told and then posted the story. He also snapped a few pictures for her and was messing around with them, editing them to make them stand out a bit more until Y/N needed help with other things. It was reaching the 3 hour mark as they approached the final elements of the tatoo.

“I think it’ll be another 30-40 minutes. You doing OK?” Harry asked Julie who hummed. She enjoyed getting tattooed and she hadn’t been tattooed in ages for fear of exposing herself or risking her health. She knew tatoo shops were clean, but sometimes people still came in if they were sick and things like that, so it had been a while. She wasn’t in pain or feeling any discomfort because she was just so happy to finally be doing this with Y/N. “And you, baby?” Harry asked Y/N, “How’s your hand?” He asked. This had been her longest tattoo ever.

“It’s alright. I took a preventative Tylenol after eating.” She said quietly and he smiled before he gently kissed her head while she dipped into the ink cup.

“It’s looking really good.” He assured and she glanced up at him with a smile.

“Thank you, baby.” She responded before she got back to it. After another 20 minutes she was just shading around certain areas to make them stand out more and Harry was just looking over everything else one last time.

“That’s so fucking sick. It looks really good.” Harry grinned happily.

“I can’t wait to see it!” Julie squealed in excitement and Y/N and Harry both chuckled. He snapped a few more pictures on his phone of the work being done and soon he started cleaning up everything that Y/N was no longer using.

“Alright, I think we’re just about done.” Y/N announced.

“Here, my love.” Harry said placing down some clean paper towels down for her with his now gloved hands.

“Thanks, baby.” She responded quietly and Julie was just smiling at their interactions. She was obsessed with the way he doted on her. Soon she heard the machine power off and Y/N sighed. “All done! Let me just clean you up a bit.” She said before dabbing at the area she’d just tattooed with some paper towels to soak up the excess ink.

“Here’s some more, baby.” Harry said handing Y/N another wad of the paper towels. “S’gonna be cold.” She warned Julie as she squirted a soapy water mix onto the paper towels Harry had just handed her and then she gently dabbed against the area she had just finished tattooing. The cold of the damp paper towel was a nice and soothing contrast against the hot and stinging sensation that was taking over now that the tattoo was done. “It looks so good.” Y/N gushed and Julie squealed excitedly before Y/N helped her up.

Harry started to clean up a bit as Y/N took Julie over to the mirror and started to show her the tattoo. Julie started to cry tears of happiness as she inspected the work on her body. Harry could hear her telling Y/N how much she loved it and how proud she was of her. He did give them a bit of space and then Y/N showed her the bathroom so that she could get her shirt back on, as she was currently just holding it against her front.

“Ahhh.” Y/N groaned quietly as more tears pricked at her eyes and Harry smiled at her and pulled her closer.

“S’alright love. I’m so fucking proud of you.” He said quietly as his hands landed on her lips and she smiled.

“Thank you, baby. And thanks for helping with the design too and everything you did today. It means a lot to me that you were also here for this.” She sniffled.

“I’m happy I was able to be here too.” He smiled before he kissed her forehead. They finished cleaning up and were soon locking up the shop. “See you tomorrow?” He hummed as Y/N leaned into his hold and she nodded.

“Yeah. Love you.”

“Love you.” He hummed before their lips met in a sweet peck, “Bye, Julie. I’ll probably see you tomorrow too.” He smiled and she nodded as they kissed cheeks before he got on his motorcycle. Y/N hadn’t ridden on it and as much as she wanted to, she was nervous to try so she wouldn’t be going home with him when he rode on it for the time being, but maybe someday is what she had told him. She and Julie got in Y/N’s car and made their way home. Julie was being very mindful of not resting against the seat, which was proving to be difficult and they were having a laugh about it as she said that hovering the way she was, was a killer ab workout.

“So Harry was telling me something about you maybe going to visit England with him.” Julie brought up and Y/N smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, his cousin’s getting married in like mid May.” She smiled.

“What’s stopping you?”

“Well, nothing really anymore. Like I said I’ll go, but it’s just expensive.” She explained, “He said he’d take care of the tickets, but I feel kind of bad.” She sighed.

“Well if you need help I can certainly pitch in.” she assured and Y/N sighed.

“I don’t want to impose.”

“It’s not an imposition, darling. You love him, he loves you, and he wants his family to meet you and get to know you. This is a big step!” She said with a smile and Y/N sighed.

“It is, isn’t it?” She asked with a slightly nervous smile.

“Yeah! I don’t want you to be worried about anything except showing his family how lovely you are.” Julie said and Y/N smiled.

“You know, a few weeks ago at your little remission party?” Y/N reminded, “We kind of started talking about marriage.”

“Oh…” Julie said quietly and Y/N hummed.

“Yeah, he asked if I ever wanted to get married and what would it be like, big or small. He said that he had envisioned it while we were washing the dishes together after dinner.” She smiled as she recalled the moment.

“And…have you thought about it too?” She asked Y/N and she smiled.

“I mean…yeah.” She confirmed, “I thought about something small. I’d invite you, grandma, and my parents and hopefully they show up. The people from the shop and some friends from college.” She shrugged, “And just doing something tiny like that. We probably won’t feed you guys, sorry in advance,” she said and Julie chuckled, “and we’d just drive away in the Ferrari to wherever we feel like going.” Y/N finished with a smile.

“Oh to be young and in love…makes you feel invincible.”

“I’d like to think that we kind of are.” She hummed softly and Julie smiled.

“I mean, I think you kind of are.” She added and Y/N couldn’t help the giddy giggle that poured from her lips.

“Thank you.” She said joyfully.

“Do you see yourself staying here? Or what if he wants to move back to London?”

“Wherever is fine.” She said, “I love it here and he does too, but if for any reason he needs to go back there I mean, I’d go if he asked.” She stated wit certainty.

“And bring me with you?” Julie asked.

“Of course.” Y/N grinned.

“You know, I genuinely feel like if I ever had a kid they would be exactly like Harry.” Julie said, “I think that’s why I’ve taken to him so well. He feels familiar in a way, he fits right in.”

“He really does fit in well…though I’m really glad he’s not my cousin.” Y/N said and Julie laughed.

“Well, in all honesty I feel like you’re both my kids and it makes me happy that you’re both this happy.” Julie said, “I’m just especially really proud of you, darling. You’ve come a long way and you’ve really grown up since you’ve been out here with me and I know that it hasn’t always been easy, but I mean, it all has been worth it, hasn’t it?”

“It really has. Thank you for always supporting me, it’s meant the world.” Y/N glanced briefly to her aunt before she focused back on the road. After some more discussion about her trip Julie decided that she would be contributing to her trip to England by helping her buy a dress for the occasion. It was a black tie wedding, so a proper, formal gown was mandatory for the event, and well she was excited to be able to go dress shopping with Julie in the near future.

As she lay in bed Y/N couldn’t help but feel so incredibly nervous over meeting Harry’s family; it was really starting to sink in. She had never met a partner’s family before and she’d never even been out of the country! So overall, everything she was about to do was new. He had talked to her about them before and gave her some idea of what they were like, she’d seen a few pictures he’d shown her, but that was about it. She didn’t doubt that they were a lovely and welcoming bunch, much like he was, her concern came in when it came to her. What impression would she make? What had he told them about her? Would they not support their relationship in fear that he’d move out to LA with her? There were just so many things that were racing through her mind. The buzzing of her vibrating phone and the soft ringtone playing pulled her from the chaos descending in her mind and she saw it was Harry.

“Hi baby.” She whispered as she pressed the phone to her ear.

“Hi.” He hummed.

“Is everything OK?” She asked.

“No. It’s damn near impossible to sleep in my bed without you.” He said softly and then she heard something that sounded like a door closing in the background.

“Did you go somewhere?” She asked in concern.

“Yeah.” He said.

“Oh, a midnight snack?” She asked with a knowing grin.

“No, just a short drive, baby.”

“Oh. Are you just getting home?” She asked.

“Yes, baby. Now come open the door, s’cold.” He said and her smile grew wide as she sat up.

“Yes, OK! I’ll be there in a tick.” She hummed before hanging up and getting into her slippers and quietly padding through the house and to the front door where she quietly turned the locks and slowly opened up the door to reveal Harry in a hoodie and shorts with his overnight bag hanging from his shoulder. “Hi.” She smiled.

“Hey.” He grinned happily as she moved aside to let him in. As soon as she closed the door he turned her around by the hips and pressed her back into it as he he attached their lips in a sensual kiss while turning the locks. It made her knees weak and entire body spark up with excitement as he once again, effectively took her breath away as their lips moved together, “Missed you.” He mumbled against her mouth before sneaking in a bit of tongue, “Can’t. Sleep. Without you. Anymore.” He muttered between kisses. It felt like they were in a never ending honeymoon stage, they couldn’t get enough of each other. The obsession they shared from the moment they realized they had feelings for each other continued on just as intensely.

“Neither can I.” She admitted softly and he hummed, quite content to hear that, “C’mon then, let’s get to bed.” She whispered and he nodded. As soon as they got into her room Harry threw off his hoodie and laid it on the little bench at the foot of her bed before climbing under the already warm covers. She climbed in behind him and he was quick to settled himself against her chest and she pressed a kiss to his head before he shifted to lower his head closer to her chest.

“Tickle my arm.” He said quietly and she hummed in confirmation before she started gently running her fingertips over the expanse of his arm. “What were you doing awake?”

“Just thinking about meeting your family.”

“Oh, what about it?”

“I’m just a little nervous I guess, never done that before.”

“Oh I see. Well, they’ve only met one really awful person, so you already have that advantage over the previous person.” He said and she giggled.

“Nice. But ummm, what if they’re concerned that you’ll be too busy to visit because of me or that I’m like…holding you back from moving back home?” She asked. Harry was smiling, she was adorable, her concerns about meeting his family weren’t even about her, it was about how his family might feel about certain things. Before Y/N he literally couldn’t understand when people would say that they fell in love with their partner over and over again, every day. She showed him just how that was possible and moments like these played a part of it.

“Well first off, “home” is wherever we’re together. Here, there, the middle of the ocean, the death star, literally anywhere you are is my home.” He said quietly as her smile grew, “And second, well my family just how much I was struggling in London. I wasn’t in a good place in my life, I wasn’t myself, I was miserable, even though they were there.” He explained, “Being here, with new people, new opportunities, you…it’s helped me find myself again and my family loves that for me, even if that means there’s a whole country and ocean between us. They just want me to be happy and even though they don’t know you personally, they know of you and they know how you’ve helped me and been there for me and encouraged me to be my best self, so they already love you for that. They understand why I needed to leave and will certainly understand it if I chose to stay.” He explained softly. “Do you think I’ll be able to meet the rest of your family?” He asked and she sighed.

“I hope so.” She whispered, “I want you to, for sure. Maybe for my birthday? I’d like to do something here, but maybe it’d be best to go over there.” She said and he smiled.

“Yeah, that’d be nice. Show your dad you’re trying.”

“Yeah.” She sighed.

“Also, I’m extremely proud of you for tattooing Julie. I know it was a big moment for you both, and you kept it together.” He smiled.

“Barely. Thank you, baby.” She hummed softly.

“Of course, my love.” He responded. “Do you know what you’re gonna wear yet?” He asked, “Wanna match with you. I have like regular black suit; which I can also use as a tux.”

“A tux you say…” she hummed with a smile and he chuckled.

“Yeah, baby. Every guy should have a good suit handy.” He said and she smiled. She’d never seen him in a suit, he was always very casual, but she was looking forward to seeing him in a new light. It would give her a sneak peek as to what he would look like when they got married.

“Well, Julie is gonna take me dress shopping soon. Just wear what you have and I’ll match to you, You can just match your tie with me if you really want to, like for prom.” She decided with a quiet giggle.

“Prom…” he chuckled, “Those were the days. I mean, I more had like a spring formal, but we called it prom amongst ourselves because well, it’s iconic, you know? The only good thing about America.” He said softly and she scoffed, “Apart from you, of course. And the beaches here…” there was a pause, “Oh and the Mexican and Italian food…” he added and they fell quiet again, “Oh! And the snacks. I had no idea I was conforming until I moved here.” He said and she laughed quietly, “I’m serious! There’s less flavors I think, but they taste better somehow?”

“Yeah, it’s called chemicals & preservatives.” She mumbled.

“So? They’re superior, besides it’s not like I’m eating snacks all the time.” He said and she chuckled.

“Sure thing, H. I know you’re the one fucking up the barbecue flavored lays and spicy nacho Doritos at the shop.” She called him out and his body shook with his laughter, it was the truth.

“Just…let me have that.” He sighed and she smiled.

“Wait until you try pizza-flavored Pringles. You’ll be buying them by the pallet.” She said and he chuckled.

“Then maybe don’t introduce me to them.” He said with a chuckle and she smiled.“You know, we’re gonna be out there for a week and a half…there are tons of places I want to take you to and people I want you to meet. We can visit Eddie too, of course. Ummm…we might be put on babysitting duties at some point.”

“That’s fine, I’m great with kids.” She assured.

“Oh excellent, I am too!”

“That’s cute.” She hummed.

“I’m just excited to have you out there with me. I already know everything’s gonna be perfect.” He smiled.

**********

This was now the second trip Y/N and Julie had been on and still, Y/N had not found a dress that she loved. She realized that she was just a guest to this wedding and that she didn’t have to look breathtaking, but she also didn’t want to look plain and like sh emailed minimal effort for this. She wanted to feel and look pretty and to make a good impression on Harry’s family. She wanted to show that she was interested in putting effort in for their stuff too. So with another “thank you” called out to the shop keeper she and Julie made their way out of the boutique.

“Let’s try one more place.” Julie said and Y/N sighed.

“I’m kinda over it to be honest. Everything is so basic.” She huffed in some disappointment.

“Yeah…well just last one of the day and then we can get lunch, yeah?”

“Deal.” She said as they walked down the street looking for yet another formal wear boutique. When they found one they headed inside. The space was quite small and the dresses there were really beaded and over the top, YN glanced to Julie about to tell her that they should just leave but then an older lady coming out from the backroom and greeting them excitedly.

“Welcome, welcome!” She smiled brightly, “What can I help you find today?” She asked.

“My niece here is a guest to a black tie wedding, so she’s just looking for something elegant and tasteful, but a bit different.” Julie explained and Y/N just bore a smile to the woman and nodded. She asked about what kind of colors and silhouettes she was drawn to and Y/N explained that she wanted something unique and a little more form fitting, that wouldn’t make her stand out too much. So they started looking through some racks together and well, it was giving prom more than wedding guest. But none the less, Julie and the lady from the store were pulling things out that she was willing to try. After about 10 minutes of searching she saw narrowed her eyes as she saw a floral piece of fabric sandwiched perfectly amidst some intense tulle gowns and she reached for it and drew it out and immediately smiled.

“Oh my god.” She smiled at the luck she had in seeing this dress, “It’s perfect.” She whispered to herself, “Julie, this is it.” She said turning towards Julie who came over from another rack right away.

“Oh…yeah, I can see you wearing that.” She smiled to Y/N, “It’s beautiful.”

“Right. Ma’am I’d like to try this one.” She said and the woman came over and pulled it off the rack and showed it to her properly. The fabric was organza and it was a black base in color with dark red and almost fuchsia colored roses printed on it. It was a slimmer fit with some boning at the torso to enhance the shape of one’s curves and it was floor length, the bottom was three tiers of ruffles, giving the dress a very tame mermaid silhouette. She normally wouldn’t go for a strapless dress or a mermaid style, but it was just so perfect and feminine and breathtaking that she had to try it.

“I just wanted to let you know that we were sent this dress in error, so it is the only one we have in our inventory.” She explained and Y/N wanted to cry. If it didn’t fit she would lose her mind.

“Ummm, OK. Well, hopefully it fits.” She sighed and Julie crossed her fingers as Y/N headed over to the dressing room. She got undressed and slipped into the dress and with the lady’s help she got zipped up perfectly and as she looked at herself in the mirror she couldn’t help but smile. It fit like a glove, it was absolutely perfect.

“This is the one. I’m in love.” She said as she stared at her reflection.

“Yes, I agree. It was made for you.” The lady said and Y/N was beaming.

“Show me!” Julie called and she stepped out of the dressing room and Julie gasped. “You’re right! You’re so right. You look amazing! Harry’s gonna die when he sees you.” She smiled happily.

“Should I surprise him?” She asked and Julie nodded.

“Absolutely. He’s wearing black right?”

“Yeah.” Y/N smiled.

“Let’s see it with the heels.” She said as she stooped down to place the heels Y/N had brought along. Y/N halfway got them on and even laughed softly as the length of the dress barely pooled on the ground, maybe 2 inches at most. “It’s a sign.” Julie said, “If we get this to Tina she can tailor it for you in a couple hours.” She said of her friend and Y/N smiled excitedly.

“I’m obsessed.”

“Me too. God! We’ll take it!” She told the lady who nodded and smiled. Soon Y/N was getting out of it while the lady went to bag the dress.

Y/N was in a brilliant mood for the rest of the day. She was supposed to spend the night with Harry and she knew that it would be so hard to keep this from him because she was just so happy about the find. Today he had the late shift at the shop, so he would be getting in around 10pm if any clients came in after 7:30pm. So after having a shower and packing her bag she headed off to Harry’s; she’d make them some dinner and just hang out there until he got in. When she arrived she saw that he had a few loads of laundry on his couch so she took a seat and started to fold it while she watched a movie. Around 4 she got annoyed of folding so she headed out to buy something to cook for dinner and she decided on a spicy eggplant & tofu as she was feeling lazy to do anything elaborate. So while the rice cooked, and tofu air-fried and the eggplant wilted down in the hot pan she found herself back on the couch folding again when a friend request came in to her Instagram. She opened the notification and her eyes widened when she saw that it was Harry’s mom. She quickly scrolled through her page to just ensure that there was nothing indecent anywhere and then accepted it. She then went on her profile to do the normal amounts of lurking and she mostly had pictures of her pets and garden and Harry and his sister. They were a beautiful family. She almost liked an old picture, but thankfully she stopped when a video call started coming in and it was her! She started to panic and then she saw a text come in from Harry saying that his mom asked for her instagram and he gave it to her.

“Shit.” She said as she sat up and hurriedly answered the video call. Soon the screen loaded and she saw his mom smiling brightly on the screen.

“Hi, Y/N!” She greeted her happily.

“Hi, Harry’s mom! Or Anne, not sure what you prefer.” She giggled and Anne did as well.

“Anne is just fine, love. How are you?” She asked.

“I’m doing well, thankfully. And yourself?”

“It’s going well today. I was just reaching out to you because I’m here with my mum, sister in law, and my niece, Alyssa, the bride!” She said and showed them in the background as they waved with bright smiles.

“Hello everyone!” She greeted happily with a giggle.

“We’re going to be throwing a little hen party for Alyssa but we’re required to make a reservation and we were just wondering if you would like to join us. I know that you don’t know us very well, but it’s for the girls. It’ll be on Thursday evening and it’ll be us and well my daughter, and some of Alyssa’s friends.” She explained.

“Oh, I’d love to.” She accepted with a smile.

“Perfect! We just needed a headcount. I didn’t interrupt anything important, did I?” She asked. “H told me you were probably just home.”

“No, you didn’t! It’s quite late for you though, isn’t it?” Y/N asked and Anne nodded.

“Yes, it’s nearly 1:30 in the morning.” She chuckled, “We’re just about to wrap up.” She assured.

“Are you at Harry’s flat? I recognize the painting in the back.” She asked with a smile and Y/N nodded.

“Yes, I am. I was just folding some of the laundry he left while our dinner finishes up.” She said with a smiled.

“Oh, that’s sweet of you. Don’t get him into the habit though.” Anne warned playfully as the ladies behind her laughed along.

“Actually, I’ve never seen him leave his laundry out so he probably was doing it in a. rush.” She giggled.

“So he’s tidy?”

“Very much so.” Y/N assured with a grin.

“Good. I mean, I taught him well and he was tidy here too but that could be because I could pop in unannounced, you know?” She said with a smirk and Y/N giggled.

“Very true. But he keeps a very clean space.” Y/N confirmed to Anne.

“You know we’re all very excited to finally meet you. H was praising you left and right when he was here and well he does talk about you often when we chat.” She said as she started to moved away from the group behind her.

“He’s too sweet…” Y/N said bashfully with a shake of her head, “He talks about you guys often too. I know he misses you all so I’m sure he’ll be very happy to see you again soon. And well I am also looking forward to finally meeting everyone as well. A little nervous too.” She disclosed, “But from what I can tell and what he’s said it’ll be just fine.”

“Oh yes, don’t you worry, love. And if anyone even looks at you wrong you let me know.” She assured with a wink and Y/N giggled, “Alright, darling. Again I’m so sorry if I just sprung up on you this way, but we just wanted to make sure that you’d be included.”

“Not a problem, thank you for thinking of me. It was great to finally have a chat with you. Have a good night, Anne.”

“You as well, love. Buh-bye!” She grinned before they hung up. And now Y/N was smiling like a fool. His mom was so freaking nice and thankfully that interaction helped calm her nerves a bit. She then texted Harry to let him know that his mom had actually video-called her and her phone immediately started ringing with his name.

“What did she want?” He asked right away.

“No hello or nothing? OK…” she said and he sighed.

“Sorry baby, hi. So what did she want?” He asked and she chuckled.

“She just wanted to know if I would be interested in going to the “hen party”? For your cousin. They needed a headcount for the reservation.” She explained.

“Oh OK. I’m sorry, I had no idea she was going to call you. I thought she just wanted to snoop your page or something.” He chuckled.

“It’s alright she was very sweet and she’s surprised that you keep a tidy apartment.” She grinned.

“She always is for some reason.” He mumbled.

“Yeah, she believes you kept your place in London tidy because she could drop by whenever.” Y/N laughed and Harry chuckled along as well.

“God, she really selling herself short then because she always kept a tidy home.” He said and Y/N giggled.

“I mean, I think all mom’s are like that though. But seeing how nice she is made me less nervous, so that’s always a positive and-”

“Baby, someone just walked in. I’ll see you at home. Love you!” He said before hanging up quickly. It was nearing 8:30pm when Harry texted her that he was just closing up and would be home soon, but she had completely knocked out in his big, comfy bed, in one of his crewnecks.

When Harry got home the lights above the stove were on and some containers of food were set down on the counter. It smelled amazing actually. As he came further in he smiled when he didn’t see the pile of laundry that he had been avoiding for a few days now; folding was his least favorite thing to do and he had “strategically” placed it within plain sight to shame himself into just doing it, but he was far better at ignoring it than he thought. He called out for Y/N, but got no response and when he walked into his bedroom he saw her knocked out on his bed. She looked so soft and warm under a big, blue blanket surrounded by his pillows. Harry immediately got undressed and threw his clothes in the dirty hamper before getting on another shirt and then slid in behind her. He pulled her body flush to his own and kissed her head which made her stir a bit.

“Hi.” She groaned after a few seconds, “Did you eat?” She asked quietly, without turning around to face him.

“Not yet, baby.”

“Give me five minutes and then I’ll go warm everything up.”

“No, it’s OK. You stay, I’ll go warm it all up.” He assured and started to move and she grabbed his arm.

“In five minutes. You’re very warm.” She mumbled tiredly and he smiled.

“OK, love.” He responded, “How was dress shopping?” He asked. Y/N immediately rolled over and was smiling brightly.

“Really good.” She was beaming and he chuckled and brought his hand up and his thumb over her bottom lip, feeling her smile.

“Yeah, did you find a dress?”

“I did.” She confirmed before kissing the pad of his thumb and not saying anything else.

“And? Can I see it?” He asked through a chuckle.

“Not yet. I want it to be a surprise.” She said softly and he sighed.

“Baby…”

“I promise you’ll love it!”

“I don’t doubt that! You could wear a bin liner and I’d love it, so that doesn’t really help my issue here.” He said and she giggled.

“Then what’s the issue?” She asked, playing dumb.

“I want to see!” He insisted.

“Baby, I can’t. I want to knock your socks off when you see me!” She said softly and he chuckled.

“Again, every single day you-”

“Don’t even! This is different. I’ve never really had to dress up nice like this.”

“Ughhh, fine…keep your secrets.” He sighed dramatically.

“It’ll be worth it, I swear.” She assured, “It’s only like…a month away.” She said and he chuckled.

“Just a month…whatever.” He sighed and she grinned and leaned in to kiss him.

“And how was your day?” She asked.s

“Boring without you there to be honest.” He said and she giggled, “But it was good, we had a lot of walk-ins today. I had a consultation for a big leg piece…ummm…yeah, that’s about it. I was really dreading showing up and having to fold my laundry pile of shame, but it’s gone now so, 12/10 day. Thank you, baby.” He smiled.

“Of course, H. I get it, I hate folding too.” She sighed.

“Yet you folded for me? I’m touched.”

“I’d do anything for you. Even kill a spider, which is saying a lot.” She laughed quietly when he started to chuckle.

“I’d do anything for you too.” He assured.

“So, what does your mom do? Like does she still work? Or do you and your sister look after her?”

“Well, my gran stayed living with her since my sister and I are gone, but she stopped her actual profession, she was a teacher.” He explained, “She has a little flower shop now that I helped her start up maybe 3 or 4 years ago. She’s quite successful with that, I believe she’s doing the table arrangements for Alyssa’s wedding.”

“Oh that’s sweet of her.” Y/N smiled.

“Yeah, she’s probably the sweetest person I know. Julie reminds me of her a bit, but Julie has more sass to her.” He chuckled.

“You know, she was just saying to me earlier how if she ever had a kid that she imagines they’d be a lot like you.” Harry pouted with endearment.

“God, she’s so fucking nice. I’m glad she’s all better now.” He said and Y/N smiled.

“Yeah…OK, so what else should I know about your family?”

“Mmmm… my gran has a real sweet tooth. She also enjoys enjoys cheating at games, especially ones she can clean you out on. She’ll love you more if you turn a blind eye to her dodgy ways.” He chuckled and she laughed softly, “That’s why I’m the favorite. I help her win and in return she helps me win sometimes.” He explained with amusement as Y/N giggled, “Ummm…my sister is a little shy, it might seem like she has no interest in things, but once she gets comfortable she’s quite the chatter box, especially if you have things in common. She’s artsy, so I’m sure if you talked about your Etsy shop she’d be all over it.” Harry said with a smiled, “Her husband, Skye, is also an awkward nerd. He’s an engineer and his current job is doing like site checks to make sure that buildings are structurally sound, if he doesn’t know what to talk you about he’ll start to talk about all the ways in which the building we’re currently in could collapse. But he’s really nice and pleasant, just…find things to talk to him about that are not his job.” Harry said and she nodded in understanding. “And they’ve got two kids. Archie is three years old and is…quite the handful. He’s a cheeky little guy. And they have an eight month old now, baby Ivy.” He said with a smile.

“Awww, what a cute name.” she cooed.

“Yeah, she’s a real cutie too. Chillest baby I’ve ever seen.” He said with pride, “But yeah, those are the people we’re probably going to be spending the most time with during our visit. I assume my aunt and uncle and cousins will be quite preoccupied.” He explained.

“Yeah, I can imagine.” She sighed with a smile and just took him in. He was absolutely beautiful… all this talk about families and babies was making her wonder what a baby of their own might look like. She’d never given serious thought to having kids before, but as she stared into Harry’s eyes she started to entertain the idea of it in the future.

“What?” He whispered as he watched her watching him.

“Nothing, just admiring you.” She confessed with a heat in her cheeks at the full picture going on in her mind.

“And? What else?” He chuckled softly, knowing there was a lot more going on than that; he could practically see the cogs turning in her mind. She swallowed thickly because she had no idea how he’d react to her actual thoughts, but she didn’t want to keep that from him either. After all, if they were thinking about their relationship more seriously this was a conversation they would need to have at some point.

“Just wondering what you looked like as a baby and well, that led me down to thinking about…if we had a baby. Obviously not right now! But down the line. Like it’d be very impractical at this moment.” She rambled, “But like maybe in the future, i-if that’s something-” she was cut off by his lips meeting her own tenderly. She very easily slipped into their kiss, her lips moved slowly with his as their kiss deepened and he lifted himself to get his body over hers. She parted her legs to let him fully position himself over her and as he lowered his hips over hers she moaned into their kiss as he ground his growing bulge against her center.

“Sorry.” he panted as he momentarily parted this lips, “Just thinking about having a baby with you made me really fucking horny for you.” He smiled against her lips and she literally felt a chill travel down her spine, “S’that why you like me to come inside?” He asked her with a mischievous grin and she whined as his fully hard cock rubbed against her panties now, “Want me to give you a baby one day? Breed you?” He asked and her brain literally melted as his words registered and she nodded.

The idea was also making his brain and heart race at the possibilities. If he got her pregnant he would spoil her and take such good care of her, he would never leave her side. He’d obsess over her and kiss her bump any chance he got. He’d never really given the future as much thought as he did with her, maybe because he had never met anyone that made him want all of those things like she did. He loved her in a way that he had never really experienced before and it brought out a side to him that he had tried so hard to bury because of his bad experiences. But she made him love this more vulnerable and affectionate side of himself, he loved how she protected that part of him as if it were her own; it made him feel safe; something that his other relationships had lacked.

“Good. We’re gonna have all of it together, baby. I promise.” He assured her before he kissed her again and she moaned into it as he started to grind down on her with more speed. The tip of his cock was so sensitive right now that getting a feel of her bare pussy would surely send him over the edge. He liked to feel her back arching and feel her legs tensing around his hips as he repeatedly stimulated her clit with his grinds and humps against her.

“Fuck, I need you inside, baby.” She said against his mouth and he sighed.

“I will literally bust in a minute.” He panted and she kissed him.

“I don’t care, just let me feel you.” she whispered. He couldn’t deny her that. So he knelt up and just got his cock out, giving it a few low tugs as she held her underwear to the side so that he could line himself up with her.

“Holy fuck.” He whispered in amazement at how hot and wet her pussy was for him as he painted his tip through her arousal, “That’s how bad you want it?” He asked breathily and she nodded, “Go on then, say it.” He panted as he started to rut against her clit which made her whine out in pleasure, “Say that you want to have my babies.” He grunted and she swallowed thickly.

“I-I want to have your babies.” She sighed, “I love you so much. I want to have everything with you.” She said and he kissed her deeply as he started to grind against her faster.

“Love how wet you get for me.” He muttered against her lips, “Your little pussy needs my cock, so badly, doesn’t it?” He teased and she nodded.

“So bad, please. Please let me feel you, baby.” She whimpered and he nodded frantically as he shifted his hips and she moaned as the head of his cock pushed against her entrance but not with enough force to spread her open and slip inside. He was just rubbing against her.

“How bad do you want it? Hmmm? Think your greedy little cunt will open for me on her own?” He asked as he knelt and she wriggled beneath him, trying to get more friction. He could feel her throbbing and clenching, her body was desperate to get him inside. Her constant throbs were slowly but surely sucking his cock in deeper. Harry was trying to keep it together as her hot sticky little hole spread around the tip. He couldn’t help it as he pushed in a little bit and she whimpered his name. He immediately brought his thumb to her clit and started to swirl it underneath in littler circles while pressing down into it, making all the nerves there rub together and collide in a way that made pleasure shoot through her body in delicious waves. Her cunt certainly opened up that way as he got in a bit deeper, he was so snug and warm inside of her, he didn’t want to wait anymore. He had no self-control with her, as much as he wanted to have it.

“Please, please, please, please…” she begged over and over, trying to hold still as he continued his incredible and delicious torture. He pushed forward even more until she had sucked his whole tip in and he groaned as she moaned in relief. His eyes locked on hers as he popped out and then pressed back in again, only this time he went a bit deeper, and he repeated this until his entire cock was inside of her and he felt himself there as he ground into her and continued rubbing on her clit until her legs were trembling. He was hardly doing anything, but he was pressed up against the best spot inside of her and she was grinding her hips, getting what she needed as he played with her swollen and sticky little button until she was gasping, “I-I’m coming!”

“Good girl, fuck. Such a good girl, make yourself cream all over my cock.” He encouraged her as she groaned against him. “Fuck, feeling you’s gonna make me cum.” He said lowly as he squeezed his eyes shut as her throbbing walls seemingly milked the sperm from his balls and up his shaft, she felt so good it was making his head feel spacey. He couldn’t take it anymore and started to rut into her without pulling out, just thrusting in, his tip was colliding with a soft and warm spot deep inside of her that was making him lose his mind and his toes curl, “Fuck, I’m coming. Gonna fill up my good girl’s pussy.” He warned and soon he stilled deep inside of her as she felt him start to shoot his load inside of her. The warmth was starting to fill her up and as he thrusted it started to bubble and leak out of her entrance, leaving them all sticky and messy with his sperm, but she couldn’t care less. He suddenly pulled out, making her wince but he then pressed her panties back over her as he leaned down to kiss her hard, “Keep that there, f’me. We’ll clean up in a bit, yeah?” He said and she nodded, “Good girl.” He smiled against her lips. “God, you don’t even know how insane I’ll be when we properly start trying.” He said with a smile, “Gonna fuck you every day until I make you a mommy.” He kissed her deeply and she moaned against his lips when his hand came down and rubbed over her sensitive and puffy pussy, “Sorry, just thinking about this is making me really feral.” He hummed and she giggled, she understood exactly how he felt.

“I get it.” She assured with a smile against his lips.

“I love you so much.” He said quietly, as if it were a secret between them.

“I love you.” She smiled.

In truth Harry wanted to know about her dress because he had gotten her something. Well, he’d gotten them both something when he was in England and visiting a jeweler with his grandmother. She was getting some earrings repaired and as he browsed he saw a very dainty and gorgeous pearl necklace. Each pearl was linked together by the finest chain and he was obsessed. Pearls signified love, femininity, and purity; each one was unique - and to him their love was like that pure and special, one of a kind. So he bought the one they had as it fit him perfectly, he wore it almost daily, but he also had one made for her and he planned to give it to her when they were in London. It wasn’t an engagement ring, but it was a symbol of his love for her. She’d probably think it was too much, but he didn’t care, he just wanted to remind her about how special she was to him and how what they were building together was something that he wanted to last forever. She was the one. He was absolutely certain of it.

"What?" she asked with a smile on her face as he just smiled down at her.

"I just can't wait for everything we're going to have together." he said with a bright smile and so much excitement in his eyes.

***

The Dress she will wear to the wedding, I chose this pic because this model just happened to be wearing thee necklace mentioned above. It went perfectly with my plan! But of course, Y/N is supposed to be however you imagine her, whether than be like yourself or anyone else:)

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suspended ATM since my blog is still shadowbanned

#young american #young american series #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles au #harry styles au series #tattoo harry fic #tattoorry #tattoo artist harry styles #harry styles tattoos #tattoorry fic #tattoo artist!harry #harry styles smut #boyfriendrry #boyfriend!harry #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #writing #0nlythrowharrybeaux

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petriform · 1 year

Text

celebrating five years of "nothing is for sure," a Big Post! live set and streaming playback stats, the story of "albacore song," and more!

"nothing is for sure" is now five years old! i still consider this to be my most consistent non-concept album (if you want concept albums, i'm begging you to listen to "florence"), and it remains a mainstay of my live setlists! "the jacket" continues to be a part of my ~brand identity™®~ five years on, though i've retired the specific jacket that is depicted - performing in that in the summer was Not Great! (a current depiction would see a vest with way, way more buttons.)

i was curious to see what the play stats looked like after these five years, especially in comparison to how i've treated the material in live sets over the same time period. this is gonna be a long, wildly self-indulgent post, but if i can't nerd out about my own shit, how can i expect anyone else to? and hey, there might be insights applicable for other independent musicians somewhere in here, maybe! (maybe?) so here are the stats!

all told, "nothing is for sure" looks to have attracted over 30,000 streamed plays between the four services i queried. i... wouldn't have imagined that! i'm not going to compare these numbers to any other album of mine because assembling the data takes work and i'm lazy! maybe for the next album anniversary! these numbers aren't inclusive of the instrumental versions, by the way.

as far as the live numbers go, looks like i've played songs from "nothing is for sure" 39 times over 15* live sets since 2017. eventually i'll finish porting my setlists into an actual database for ease of analysis, but today's not that day.

*it's 16; i played a set in february 2020 (oof) for which i've lost the setlist. it's not accounted for in these stats or anywhere else.

initial takeaways from these charts:

i'm really overdue to perform "gone without!" (okay, and "delete!delete!delete!" too, but i feel like that one is inflated by being track 2.) i've been aware that people like this one a lot, whereas i personally prefer most of the other songs on the album. i couldn't tell you why that is. i aaaaaalmost played it for the first time the last couple of sets, but switched it up at the last minute because i felt (and still feel) like it'll be difficult to perform (the verses are fast and long).

on that note, i DO plan to play every song off this album live at least once, and i've been slowly chipping away at that goal. god help me when i try to pull off "punch buggy slug bug" live; it'll almost certainly be the first and last time. i think i'll save "over like rover" for last - it's only fitting, right?

dang, now i have it in my head to just play a set that's just the album front to back. pls book me to do this 🥺 (but ideally book me to do "florence" in full first)

i dunno why spotify likes "pace yourself" in particular but thank you spotify listeners

in retrospect it's curious that neither i or the listening audience seem to regard "ahead of your time" relatively highly given that's the Song That Says The Album Title

all that said, here are some...

fun facts about "nothing is for sure" live:

the first "nothing is for sure" track i ever played live was "killian is lying to you" in march 2017 at DNA Lounge in san francisco - over 15 months before the album's release

this was the only song from the album i played live before its release.

the most recent "nothing is for sure" track i've played was "albacore song" just this past month (may 2023) in san jose, in a set that also included "stay (wish on a star)," "k7 (k9 - k2)," and (for the first time ever!) "wilson phillips screwdriver”

i've got a lot to say about "albacore song" later!

since the album's release, i've never gone a single set without playing a song from the album.

since the album's release, i've never gone a single set without playing "stay (wish on a star)" specifically. this wasn't on purpose. it's in my top 5 most-played-live songs and is creeping up on a few that i no longer play often.

even if i'd never played “stay (wish on a star),” the bullet point prior to that would still be true.

i've had multiple sets post-"Dither Beach" where i failed to play anything from "Dither Beach" but still played stuff from "nothing is for sure".

tell me about the downloads! the $ale$!

okay. without getting too specific, compared to my other full-length albums on bandcamp, "nothing is for sure" is the:

2nd highest-grossing*,

4th most-purchased,

5th most-downloaded.

(if you're wondering what the top albums are for those rankings, "Don't Worry, You're Great!" is all of them. the way things are going (streaming going up, downloads and CDs going down), ostensibly, it'll be that way for a long time.)

the parameters with which i personally measure "success" for my own projects are complicated, but "nothing is for sure" was a success.

*album downloads on my bandcamp are name-your-price. digital gross is pretty much entirely what folks feel like paying. this figure includes CD sales; without CD sales, it'd be 5th.

okay so what did you mean about "albacore song"

so people who've attended my live shows will know about this, but people who have only listened online might not!

i first played "albacore song" in july 2018 at DNA Lounge; the first show post-album-release. cool! that was the one and only time i played it... until chiptune colleague piecesofeight spun up a mashup thereof with Madonna's "Like a Prayer" that struck a chord with me.

so as a nod to that, and in service to my (wavering) habit of doing at least one cover per set, i played "albacore song" once more - again at DNA Lounge, three years later - but this time, i swerved into a cover of "Like a Prayer" for a couple minutes, and then back into the rest of "albacore song."

thus began a tradition of me using "albacore song" as a medley-riffic launchpad for covers that i invoke wherever I can! i'd done (and still do) similar stuff (swerving covers into "Super Dog Park") before, but "albacore song" has gone from a played-it-once song to a recurring trojan horse of sorts for covers in my live arsenal - if you hear me go into "albacore song" these days, expect to hear Something Else before it's over!

this is the first time i've committed these to writing in one place, but here are the covers i've rolled into "albacore song" so far:

Madonna - Like a Prayer

The Catherine Warwick version of Pollyanna from MOTHER (twice)

M2M - Don't Say You Love Me (gotta repeat this one, it was fun!)

and they likely won't stop there! i've since thanked and gotten to meet piecesofeight in person (after having played a set that, ironically, was my first irl set to not include albacore song in years. oops!). you never know when someone or something will alter your course for the better in unexpected ways!

it turns out even less is for sure

those of you who have been around me for a while have known me to periodically release companion pieces to my full-length albums when there were songs that just barely didn't make it onto those albums (most recently for "florence").

the thing about the "nothing is for sure" sessions, though, is that i had a LOT of material in consideration. way more than any other album i've ever done. coming off of "Don't Worry, You're Great!" i was on fire, writing tons and tons. i've entertained the idea of doing the "nothing is for sure" companion piece before, but it'd be a greater task than usual due to how much viable material was in there to begin with.

but as you may have seen me announce, i'll be releasing an eight-track companion piece consisting of the best of those leftover projects titled "...especially any of this" before the end of the month! more "nothing is for sure" for all! this is the biggest companion piece i've ever released, so i'm excited! and... i've got my next album coming along on top of that! stay tuned!

tell me about it!

i can crunch the numbers for as long as i want, but there's no substitute for real feedback. so if you have something to say to me about "nothing is for sure," fire away! what did you like about it? favorite song(s)? ones you want me to play live more? ones that sucked? hey, the album isn't getting any newer or younger - i wanna know!

all in all, whether you were there for "nothing is for sure" when it came out or you've arrived since, i hope you continue to enjoy what i still consider one of my best albums and proudest achievements. thank you!

#chiptune #chiptunes #8-bit #famitracker #petriform #long post #chipmusic

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queenimmadolla · 2 years

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Hello ! I’m a new writer, well actually I’ve been writing for a while but I was just wondering if u have any tips on writing ! If not don’t worry that is totally fine ! I love your work and I can’t wait for part 3 of Wayne’s world <3 have an amazing rest of your day, or night !

I’d be happy to give some tips!

Tip #1: Unless you’re getting paid for it, write for you first. Ain’t nothing wrong with fulfilling requests, i LOVE to, but make sure it’s something you want to write. Or else writing can start to feel like a chore and no longer something that brings you joy.

Tip #2: If it’s not something you can finish in one go with a keyboard, plot it out. It’ll limit the amount of times you get writer’s block.

Tip #3: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I get stuck in plots all the time and I ask my friends or followers for feedback, nothing wrong with that!

Tip #4: Don’t overwhelm yourself.

Tip #5: Be kind when it comes to giving yourself timeframes and deadlines. Some people can meet them, some can’t regardless of how short or long what you’re working on is. I am one of the latter. I like to be busy all the time, I’m always working on a fic and I have tons of WIPs and ideas. I don’t have a whole lot of time available to me to write, but the reason I’m not overwhelmed is because I don’t give myself a timeframe. I’ve got a section on my masterlist where can see the list of what I’m working on (and its not even the complete list) but no posting schedule. I post when I post, even if it’s a year or two later because I want be happy with what I write and rushing would do me no good.

Tip #6: You will see a STAGGERING amount of people commenting for a “part two” eventually, just know that you do not ever have to write one. A lot of the times, they don’t even follow you/reblog what it is they want a part two to or interact with you often, unless you mention you’re going on a hiatus, to which they will mention how it will effect them. I only do it when I want to, when I know it can be followed up with something good and when people I enjoy interacting with/getting feed back from suggest it can be expanded upon. SOMETIMES, I’ll give into popular demand, but it’ll take a while for me to flesh out the rest of the story and interactions as a result.

Tip #7: Find your writing style! There’s so many different ways to write, to describe, for dialogue, etc. While i LOVE reading that beautiful, poetic, romanticized imagery and dialogue that so many authors are talented enough to write, it’s not something I can write naturally or even easily. I’ve tried and sometimes they’re decent, but it doesn’t really feel like something that’s mine. I write how I believe a character thinks and talks with the canon material or if it’s based on an AU, entirely how I think they would. And not like the deep inner workings of their mind, I’m talking blunt ol’ realism (as in crude, compare it to those ‘expectations vs real life’ thing and the real life is always less romantic but amusing and relatable because it’s real) and very rom-comish. I wish i was poetic and maybe one day I’ll get there but i am very happy with my style for now. And it doesn’t necessarily matter to readers, they’ll read your stuff, everyone is pretty diverse and open-minded. I get a lot of comments about how my works aren’t usually what they go for but they enjoyed it nonetheless!

Tip #8: Have FUN with it. Never forget that. Oh, and never use a tumblr draft to write on, always use like google docs, pages, Microsoft word, etc.

Happy writing and I’m rooting for you!

#$ replies

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ladyaj-13 · 2 years

Text

2022 Writing Evaluation

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 30 - see my 2022 fics post!

2. Word count posted for the year: 190,426

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Endeavour, Kingsman, Eagle of the Ninth

4. Pairings: Harry/Louis, OT5, Liam/Zayn, Liam/Louis, Niall/Louis, Louis/Harry/Nick Grimshaw, Louis/Nick Grimshaw, Niall/Greg James, Louis/Greg James, Gen fic, Morse/Jakes, Morse/Max, Harry/Eggsy, Marcus/Esca

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Follow Your Arrow

Bookmarks: ditto

Comments: double ditto

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

It would be easy to pick FYA as the longest thing and my first big bang, but I think I’m actually going to go Bit by Bit and All at Once. I had a lot of fun writing this one, and it’s very Liam focused, but I liked finding ways to fold each of the other boys in, and try to make the development natural. I think (I hope!) I succeeded.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Check the Body. By week five of Wordplay I was a bit burnt out, lol. I’ve read it back and it’s not as bad as I thought at the time, it’s even kind of sweet, but I posted it not liking it and almost didn’t make a fic post. I did in the end, but I don’t like that much either!

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

I can’t pick one! I love and appreciate every review. A special mention to @lalalaartje though, for reading I think every single 1D fic of mine and commenting as they went. That was a good week or two 😀

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Right now? And the last week or two of Wordplay. Any time I’m feeling uninspired but trying to force myself to write (or just want to write but what comes out is… hmm).

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

All my Kingsman fics, because I’ve tried to write Kingsman many times, particularly in 2016/2017, and never got anywhere. So when I finished a Kingsman fic I was pretty taken aback. And then I wrote three more.

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

From Blind Date - I had such fun writing the dialogue in this fic. Niall is the host of the TV show Blind Date, an ex-pro golfer. Louis is the eligible bachelor contestant who has a crush on Niall:

“I catch the odd game,” Louis says, hedging for the middle and hoping they call them games, not matches. He fast-forwards to Niall’s shots and interviews and ignores everything else. “Don’t test my knowledge, it’ll be embarrassing for both of us.”

“Nah,” Niall says with an easy grin and a clap to Louis’ shoulder. “Mainly embarrassing for you, I reckon,” he teases.

“Well, that's probably true.”

“So - excited to meet your dream man?”

“Who’s to say I haven’t already?”

Niall looks confused. “You - really? You’re meant to be single. I mean, it’s only a silly show, but if you’ve got a boyfriend then why-”

So much for a bit of light flirting to test the waters. “No, I - I’m single. No boyfriends to be seen. Need an ITV dating show to get me laid, that’s me.”

Niall laughs. It sort of takes the air out of the room, seeing it in person, and Louis is going to have a hard time concentrating on whatever contestants they’ve dredged up with Niall standing right there in front of him. Even if he is uninterested.

“I don’t believe that for a second, not with a face like yours.”

Ok, maybe not so uninterested. Just clueless. He can work with that.

“No, I can see it now. The panel draws back, and contestant number two, the keeper and holder of my heart, takes one look and runs. Probably into the arms of contestant number three.”

“What happened to contestant number one?”

“Secretly straight,” Louis whispers, taking the opportunity to lean in close to Niall’s ear. “Only here because he’s trying to become an influencer and score an advertising deal for hand sanitizer.” He nudges Niall with an elbow as they start walking over to the set. “You’ll have to do the gallant thing and take me out for drinks instead.”

“Or maybe you’ll find the love of your life, and score a joint advertising deal for hand sanitizer.”

“Please, I’m worth yoghurt at least.” Niall laughs again, and Louis grins. It seems easy to make Niall laugh, and he loves that. No question, they could be great together. “I very much doubt you’re right, but just in case you are - I guess then I’ll owe you a beer for finding me true love.”

“Are you always like this?”

“Like what?”

Niall shakes his head and they step out into the glare of bright studio lights. He seems to be considering his next sentence carefully. “Funny,” he says finally.

Louis shrugs. “I like to think I’m pretty hilarious,” he admits, then lets his tone become serious. “But I’m not always joking.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I’ve made further steps into smut, adding sprinklings of it here and there. I don’t think it’s ever going to be my go-to, it’s just not my main interest, but I’m becoming more comfortable with my ability to write it.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’d love to write longer fics. I feel like I hit my stride this year with four fics over 20k, and I’d like to extend on that. I have so many ideas that need that space (or more!) to breathe, and I feel like I’m ready now and trust in myself enough to write those ideas and stick with it.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer:

I’ve got to mention @larrieblr and @laynefaire as beta and artist respectively for making my first big bang experience so wonderful. Also big thanks to @allwaswell16 for championing rare pair fics and writers, both through her podcast which I look forward to every month, and running the Louis Rare Pair fest.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Little throwaway things - in Follow Your Arrow, Louis has a hoodie that I also own. On a deeper level, emotionally there’s a fair bit of me in Moths and Butterflies.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Just go where the muse takes you, because writing something you’re not interested in is basically impossible and also this is meant to be fun. But also recognise when you need to push through with a project, because you’ve come too far to let it beat you now.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

My 2023 Big Bang! Also I have a white knight!Louis famous/non famous fic which has been 80% written for far too long, and a couple of shorter one shots I would love to post (a Zouis beauty pageant one; a magical cat!Louis one, an omegaverse Larry, etc. etc.) not to mention several extra instalments in my sleepy Nouis series.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I'm so late to this I don't know who hasn't done it! If you haven't, you're tagged :)

#year in review #my fics #my 2022 fics #somewhat late to the party with this

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jodilin65 · 30 years

Text

SATURDAY, APRIL 30, 1994 Got up at 7:30 and now I’m going to go change all the calendars.

Tom’s still sick, but he’s in the shower now. After he’ll be going to his sister Mary’s to fix a light on her car.

Tom’s youngest brother Steven is getting married in Fresno, so Mary and his parents and going to drive out.

Later…

What a bummer that the pool’s too cold. I could really go for a swim now, and they’re definitely gone next door. It’s been a very peaceful quiet day.

I just harvested a bunch of lettuce, which I gotta go put in a baggy now.

I talked to Tammy. They’re operating on Bill tomorrow morning. I sent Tammy a letter and Bill a get-well note with a few flower drawings.

Tom’s till fixing Mary’s car.

Oh! Also, I called Nervous with the hopes that if Crystal were still there I’d get her on the phone and tape her. I was lucky cuz she is still there and man did she go off on me! It was so funny and she reminds me of Tracy K. If she’s the clingy, desperate type she sounds to be, she could hold Nervous hostage and beat the shit out of him. She sounds so mean. He sounded absolutely depressed and terrified. I think she’s got to be an alkie or a druggie or both, besides nuts. I hate to say this, but they deserve each other. I can picture her threatening and scaring him into submission and beating the hell out of him. I think the only reason they’re still together is cuz she’s got him in the palm of his hand and he’s terrified of her. Anyway, I’ll have a few great edits. I left the 30 seconds or so of her screaming at me on Andy’s machine. He’ll love it.

Later…

I just squished the lettuce into a big baggy. There sure is a lot out there. The carrots are doing well, but it’ll be another 3 weeks or so before they’re ready to be pulled up.

Now, thanks to Crystal, I am finally motivated to do some editing after quite a while.

Later…

Tom’s home now. I haven’t edited Crystal yet, but I’m all set to go. First I had to put her on my current convo tape and ditch a very old dead tape. One that I can’t record onto cuz what’s previously on it doesn’t get erased. Well, guess I will go edit her now.

Later…

I just edited Crystal. Yup, pretty funny.

Tom’s on the phone now talking to his brother. He says he feels better, but I have a feeling sex is out for this weekend. I also have a feeling that the sex will be a continuous cycle where I cry out for needing more, he gives in for a while, then backs off. We’ll see. I’m not going to keep “reminding” him, though.

Later…

I just began taping the Tonya and Nancy story.

Tom’s eating now and will probably be going to bed.

I’m 12 days away from my period, so I’m getting hornier and more bloated. I wish every day was like right after my period. It seems I only have about 3-5 days where I’m not so watery and gassed out. Tomorrow we’re going to the grocery store and I’m getting water pills. And if you can’t take it with asthma or Theodur - tough!

I’m in luck after all as far as sex goes. Tom says he’ll definitely be non-contagious tomorrow and that I won’t be horny this month cuz he’s going to wear me out. Cool!

Guess I will go watch the movie while it’s on. I just like to zip through the commercials, but I don’t feel like doing anything else right now.

A Note from Tom - 4/26/1994

Jodi,

So, you want me to write in this journal. You know, this well be over very soon and we’ll be heading home. Until then I well try to think of more things to write. This is a strange place for a dentist. I guess they expect you to go shopping then rent a few movies and have your teeth cleaned.

FRIDAY, APRIL 29, 1994 I just called Tammy. Things are definitely at their shittiest. Next week they’re removing and biopsying Bill’s spleen.

Tom came home early with a cold. Ten minutes before he did, I had a feeling about that. He’s laying down now. I hope I don’t catch it, although I never caught his last cold. I’ve been very lucky for over a year now.

I finished typing journal #2 and began #3.

Tom brought home more stamps from work (canceled). I’ve split them up between Kim and my parents.

Got 3 letters today from Bob. He asked if I remembered the date we met, and that he could. It took a while, but I found out we met on 8/25/91 in journal #5.

I also thought of a clever idea for numbering my journals last night. My perma-marker. You know that if I wrote with this pen, especially on those that aren’t cloth, it’d smear off. This pen’s permanent and won’t smudge off. For some journals, I kept their sticker numbers on cuz the color of their binders was too dark and the pen wouldn’t show up.

Tomorrow night there’s to be a movie with those ice skaters Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan. It oughta be pretty entertaining. They did a damn good job with getting Tonya and Nancy look-a-likes. It seems so many skaters, dancers and gymnasts look the same. Except for topless dancers in the clubs I danced in. They all come in a wide variety of looks and sizes.

Tom showed me something neat the computer can do with journals 1 and 2. It shows how many characters, pages, words and minutes I spent typing each one. I think #2 was 103 thousand and something characters. 19,500 words and I believe the minutes were, oh I forgot, but they were in the 5 digits. It may be around 50 hours or so that I worked on it. Eventually, I’ll add a summary information (that’s what it’s called) list of them, here in this book. Or somewhere.

Now I want to go finish my coffee and have a smoke.

Later…

Maybe praying to God as Andy does will work here and there. What tremendous willpower I’ve had with eating today. Only a few bites of spaghetti, a little bit of lettuce with ranch dressing and 2 pieces of bread. Gone down 2 pounds, but I must be consistent for a while to get my body to do its thing on its own as it has been since early 1988. I know it’s mostly water, but I can once again speed up my metabolism so I can gorge on whatever I want. As I said before, the use of the pool on a daily basis will help.

These last 2 months I haven’t had to wear a liner for extra discharges mid-cycle. Lucky me but, my tits have been way sorer throughout these last 2 months. I don’t know why. My caffeine intake hasn’t changed. Maybe it’s cuz my last 2 periods were sort of light and half-assed. It’d help if my next one was heavier, but that’d call for extra cramps.

Later…

Gosh, it feels later. It feels like it’s nearly midnight. Well, I got up at 7:30 so I’m starting to tire.

Next Monday I’ll send out letters as well as Mom’s Mother’s Day card and Tammy, Bill’s and my address labels.

I was doing great with eating very little, but I slipped. Let’s see… I had popcorn, a carrot, spaghetti and 2 pieces of cheese. God forbid I may be forgetting anything else. I’m soooo fucking bloated. I don’t dare step on that scale right now.

I will go shut the computer off now and at least lay down for a while. If I fall asleep, OK. If not, that’s OK too.

THURSDAY, APRIL 28, 1994 I was so pissed yesterday. I hate it when politics fuck up my life. There was no mail yesterday cuz Nixon died and was buried yesterday. Who cares about this impeached president who never did anything for us? Plus, this criminal had a funeral fit for a king. I just hope there’s mail today.

Andy’s friend Sarah may play Sabrina. He’s going to talk to her about it and if she agrees to it, I’ll give Fran her number.

For the first time in a while, I’m bummed, worried, and anxious. My weight’s going up and I just can’t stop eating. I’m hungry all the time. I tried to restrain myself and talk myself out of it, but before writing I ate a whole lasagna TV dinner and a big marshmallow/rice bar. I just can’t stop eating. I weigh 104 pounds and I doubt this scale’s even right. I’d say I’m more like 107-110. Being barely 5’ it doesn’t take much to see and feel it. I feel like a blimp. My waist is a sickening 27. I want it back to a 24. I want to lose 3” all around and weigh 95. Oh God, please give me the strength to not eat for at least two days. Please?

On the lighter side and better side of things, I got a letter from Kim today and a very nice one from my mom, too. Finally!

No concerts across the street and it looks as if they may go away this weekend next door.

I’m almost done typing up Journal #2.

Andy called me with Sarah on the line. Then, I called Fran and she played Sabrina.

I talked to Tammy who still doesn’t know much about Bill. She says to call her tomorrow night. Then, she hopes to know the whole story.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27, 1994 The dentist told me yesterday not to do anything about my teeth unless it hurts. That wasn’t too big of a deal, thank God. He said it could bother me soon or years from now. Hopefully, it will stay right where it is, but I have a feeling that’s wishful thinking.

Up ahead a few pages Tom wrote a quick note. I love how he used the word “well” twice when he meant to use the word “will.” He says that’s a common mistake of his. He says the word “will” like “well.” He says all his short i’s as short e’s. That’s probably where that mistake comes from.

Damn, it’s chilly out! This is weird for this time of year. It’ll be in the low 70s until Sunday.

Just put letters out to Bob, Kim, Fran and my parents who will never call or write.

Tammy says they still have no diagnosis on Bill.

Well, that’s pretty much up to date. Been typing journal #2 up a lot and I hope to finish it today. Got 1 Bob letter yesterday which began BOL #8. That’s in #72 as I said before. Going to go type #2 now.

Oh! One more thing. I do believe Andy will be receiving “Sabrina’s” letter. You know, from Fran. He says he’s sending me one too, but I’ll have to see that to believe that.

How many Bob letters will I get today?

TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 1994 I am in the car now on my way to the dentist. I’m not looking forward to this, but hopefully, I won’t be in for too big of an ordeal.

I can blame Tom for my sloppy writing and I just did. I jokingly said we must be hitting air pockets (like in a plane). We still have a long drive ahead. Bell Road is way the hell out there. We’re driving by one of my favorite mountains now.

Later…

I am home now and Tom ran out to pick up my meds. He oughta be back any minute.

When he returns, we’re going to fool around, then later I’ll write about the dentist, Fran and whatever.

MONDAY, APRIL 25, 1994 Yesterday and today have been very busy days. Yesterday was the biggest breakthrough ever in organizing the back room. It looks better than ever in there. We put the twin bed at the end of the room, and it looks good.

I also talked to Fran and Tammy. Tammy still doesn’t know too much.

I typed some letters and taught me another great thing on the computer that I wish I’d known all along. There’s this dictionary that highlights and corrects misspelled words.

Today I really had my work cut out for me. I began at 7:30 AM right after Tom left and didn’t finish till nearly noon. I washed rugs, sheets, towels, etc. Did the dishes, dusted, vacuumed, washed the table, counters and stove, cleaned the bathroom and changed the pig’s cage. Now I really need to repolish my nails and shave, but I’m too lazy now.

Got 3 letters from Bob today with beautiful drawings on both his envelopes and letters. Beautiful flowers and one with 2 turtles that were awesome. Great idea for me to try. I’ve learned a lot from him.

Book of Letters #7 is finished. On the last few pages, I glued in poems. Like 5 of them as well as 3 parts of his envelopes. I printed a copy of his poems for him, too, cuz I know he likes to see them typed up. BOL #8 will be in #72. It’ll go quite fast if his letters keep pouring in as they have.

He says they’re soon to be transferring him to Gardner, MA. Great. I just pre-addressed about 12 envelopes to him. Guess he can get out in the year 2000. Only 6 years away, but to him, it must feel like 6000.

SUNDAY, APRIL 24, 1994 I wish I could know where each entry date was to be on each page of all the journals I have. If I could know this I’d stick in all the address labels. Like I said before, when I order Tammy and Bill’s address labels, I’ll then order my own with his last name. I’ll use those labels for the covers of each journal (when I’m officially married) and for all my mail and letters, except Fran’s. After we’re married there’ll be tons of labels left with my maiden name so I’ll use those for entry date separators.

Tom just came into the room and I believe it’s now playtime!

Later…

We played around for a while and now he’s sorting through boxes in the back room. Sex is better on a waterbed. It makes it easier to get into certain positions.

This is the last day of his vacation, but it’s been a good one. He’s been so happy and there’s been much more lovemaking.

A little while ago I stuck some address labels on different envelopes. I have 13 each for Kim, Bob and my parents. I used up all the cloud/rainbows and air balloons for my parents and I have 17 music labels left. Fran will get all the gold-trimmed ones, like the one in the front cover of my current journal. So it looks like I’ll use day separators in this order: music, silver prisms, Rose pond/seashells/river, and rainbow last.

SATURDAY, APRIL 23, 1994 Shortly after I last wrote, I fell asleep and got up at 7 AM yesterday.

We completed the waterbed a couple of hours later. It’s sooo nice and sooo comfy.

Yesterday was a very lucky day for me. We went to one bookstore where I wasn’t too impressed. Then, the second one was like oh my God!!! I got 8 journals for $25. Normally 8 of them cost $60. What luck, huh? They were all $2.98 and #66 and #67 are dreams come true with a real piano. (not a drawing) Most covers are drawings and designs. If I remember right, the 3 cat books and 2 dog books are my first with pictures of real live animals. I was going to get a real live horse cover, but I forgot. Other things on the covers of #66 - #73 are sheet music, guitars, drums, ballet slippers, and flowers.

Then, after I came home, the mailman came and there were 6 letters! And 2 of them were from Kim. The others were from none other than Bob. That’s 12 letters from Monday-Friday! The most I ever got in under a week. Same with the journals. The most I ever got at once is 3. No. Once I got 5.

Copying these 12 letters has taken up 70 pages. If I’d copied Bob’s letter to Kim and all Bob’s poems, it’d been 100-110. There are 30 pages left in Book of Letters #7, then Book of Letters #8 will be Journal #72.

Later…

Just sitting here waiting to see if the mailman delivers another slew of Bob letters.

I forgot to mention that yesterday we got a mattress pad. It’s much softer and more comfortable than what I had on the one I had back east. We also got a nice set of sheets.

Wait till I tell Andy about the bed, journals, and letters. The only one I haven’t told is Tammy cuz now’s certainly not the time.

I typed some letters, but I need to type more. I’ve got time since there’s no mail till Monday. I haven’t typed #2 (the current one I’m typing) onto my floppy disk, so I may go do that.

Later…

No mail today, but I typed more letters and some of #2.

Tom went to the racetrack today but didn’t win. He’s now reading more on how to print out pictures from videos. I can’t wait till I learn how to do this cuz when I do, I’ll be having a field day with different videos.

This will sound crazy, but it works. I got the idea from a health book. Guess what I had smothered all over my hair? Mayonnaise. Yup, it’s a cheap and great way to condition the hair. Also the nails, nail cuticles and skin.

FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 1994 I fell asleep yesterday at 4 PM and got up at 9 PM, therefore I’m still tired.

Fran left a message and he’s losing his phone again from the sound of it. Yeah, I believe that. He does that here and there.

The waterbed is almost all set up. All we have to do is fill it and set the headboard on. Tom went to bed about an hour ago and we’re going to fill it when it gets light out. This way we don’t get bugs.

We got the bombs yesterday when we went food shopping, so soon it’s bye-bye spiders.

God, my stomach is major gassed out. That’s what happens when I don’t get enough sleep.

I’m going to listen to music now, then I’ll write more.

Later…

Well, it doesn’t look as if I’ll be falling back asleep anytime soon, so I oughta write a little.

Bad news for the pool - it was 100º yesterday, today’s to be 98º, Saturday 83º, and on Sunday only 78º. This is going to cause a setback. Monday they say we’re in for T-storms.

Today we need to go out to get a mattress pad. Tom thought he had one from when he had his waterbed, but he thought wrong.

Yesterday I got another supply of 100 stamped envelopes and I pre-addressed some. For now, I think I shall go type some letters.

THURSDAY, APRIL 21, 1994 I had quite a busy day yesterday and today. First of all, this is the best pen I’ve ever had. It’s a rolling ball marker, not a felt tip. It glides so easily, giving me fine lines with no inkblots.

Shortly after I last wrote yesterday, we went and I picked out my waterbed. It’s got black padding all around it. There are no shelves or drawers, but that’s OK cuz in time I intend to add on the matching bureau. At the head of the bed, where the shelves usually are, there’s black padding that slants upward so I can sit up and read or write. It’s a king-size and costs $305.

The matching bureau has black padded drawers and the top surface of it is all mirrored. Then there’s a mirror extending upward with black padding around its sides. It’s really a sharp set and it’s totally me.

His brother David came over with his truck, got Tom and then went and picked it up. Tom’s got some of it assembled, but he had to stop to do some plumbing at his sister Mary’s house. I’m going to sleep in his bed cuz it won’t be done until tomorrow.

I’ll write more about it later, but before I sign off - I went swimming today and yesterday and it was great!

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 20, 1994 I have some news that’s really going to send shock waves through the pages of this book, especially if it could feel. Well, I had a feeling and I foresaw this day coming by 1996 tops and it has finally arrived. It just didn’t arrive for the reasons I thought it would (by me building up a nest egg from singing). Well, I’m off SS and SSI! Got the news in the mail yesterday. My first initial reaction, which was normal, was to panic cuz this had been my safety net since 1986 and old habits die hard.

I said to Tom, who loves me rich, poor, or average, “I guess cuz we have each other I don’t need a safety net.”

Then he said, “But, you’re not exactly walking a tightrope anymore.”

That’s true. I got a life. I’m just not an emotionally mixed-up little girl anymore who needs mommy and daddy and SS every day of her life.

I’m still covered medically by Medicaid and Tom said that if they stopped it tomorrow, he’d marry me tomorrow. How sweet he is and I trust him so much after knowing him for a year. He also brought up a good point. He said that I could get a part-time job or do whatever I wanted and not have to worry about taxes.

What a life promotion this feels like to me. I really thought for the longest time that unless I got rich, I’d be on it for the rest of my life.

Between today and yesterday, I got 6 letters from Bob! That’s a lot of letters, huh? When I began to copy all of them, there were 99 pages left in the book. Now there are 55 left.

Now here’s my bad news. Bill’s in the hospital, according to Tammy, and it has just been found out that he has leukemia. This is just horrible! That sister of mine has also been through enough shit in her life and she doesn’t need this. If worse comes to worst, how’s she going to manage? She’s never been alone even a day in her life even though she’s 36. How would she be able to keep the kids and support them, let alone her own self? She’s a smart person who can learn very well, but she has no job skills.

Tom’s been such a love and such great support and he spoke to her, too. He said he’ll see that I fly there if I’m needed and wanted. He couldn’t go cuz he’d have to work and even though they hit it off over the phone, he’s still a stranger. I feel so helpless. She was there for me like never before when I needed her the most when I went through the shit I did with the NHA. I want to return the favor in any way I can, be it by being emotionally supportive over the phone or in person, or looking out for the kids. If I do go there, well, it sure won’t be in the way I ever expected. I expected all of them to come here first, so this is a hell of a way to visit, under miserable circumstances, rather than a happy family reunion.

Later…

I just put Piggy back in his cage after playing with him for a bit.

At 9:00 this morning, we may go get that double bed, but that will depend on Tammy first. I’ll call there at 8:00 her time (in 2 hrs) and see if there are any new developments. No one knows yet what type of leukemia it is or what the outcome will be. She’s talked to mom and dad and like Tom said, we’re sure they will do whatever it is that they can.

I spoke with Andy for over an hour after I awoke and that was good for me. We talked about that and I read parts of journal 12. Some of our worst times, like when he lived with me on Woodside Terrace. I wrote some pretty awful stuff about him, but like he said, we now laugh at it all. It’s all in the past and he admits that what I said about him then was the truth.

Andy’s been feeling really doomed lately. Well, Tom believes the world is going to continue for eons, I don’t know, but Andy feels it’s the beginning of the end. He believes in the Bible as well as certain prophecies and believes that the end will be from 1998-2001. Me? I still believe the Bible’s full of hogwash that anyone can write, but everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. What I or someone else assumes, believes, or thinks and feels may or may not be the truth and what will happen for sure.

Later…

In an hour and a half, I will be calling Tammy. I hope for their sake that all is OK. I just sent her a letter since it’s been so hard for her to find time to get into Prodigy.

Yesterday I sent letters to Bob, Tammy, and my parents, and 2 to Kim. Also sent for another 100 stamped envelopes. Today’s letters will go out to Bob, Kim, Fran, and my parents.

Later…

From the looks of it, I have a feeling I’m going to Connecticut. I called the house and Bill’s mother answered. I had a hell of a time understanding her with her accent. She’s from Israel. I spoke with Lisa too, and said I’d come in if need be. She then goes, “Awesome!” I reminded her not to jump the gun, though, as it was too soon to know what was going on.

I called the hospital and he’s in the William B. Backus Hospital. The same one I was before I went to Natchaug. His mother gave me the wrong room number (deliberately?) but I was finally connected to the right one. Tammy answered and said she’d call me back cuz the doctor was there.

I called Ma and told her I’m prepared to go if I have to. I really have a feeling I’ll be going.

Later…

The suspense and the waiting’s killing me. I wish she’d hurry up and call back. If I do go, though, it’s not going to be very pleasant for me, aside from what’s going on with Bill. Walking into that hospital and just being there in the Norwich/Salem area isn’t going to bring back a flood of pleasant memories. How long would I be there if I were to go, beats me.

Earlier I killed 3 spiders in here and now I have a touch of the willies. It’s time to bomb in here and get Operation Spider Storm well underway.

Gosh! I really don’t want to go to CT. Not like this. Not under these circumstances. God, please let Bill be OK if you can hear me.

Later…

Tammy finally called and she doesn’t really need me there. There’s nothing I can really do and I’m not an early morning person, as she herself pointed out.

Tom and I called CompuServe a little while ago and looked up leukemia. There are several different kinds, but they all sound pretty nasty.

Soon Tom and I are going to pick up my prescription and possibly get me a double bed. More than likely we will, seeing that I’m not going to CT.

I polished my nails Wineberry.

MONDAY, APRIL 18, 1994 Boy, did I do a lot all day and all night.

First, let me get the one and only bad news out of the way. For a few hours yesterday, I wanted to go next door and kill those animals. I guess they were running through their sprinkler, but nonetheless, they just wouldn’t shut the fuck up. Don’t their parents realize how close these houses are? I hope to hell Lenore wasn’t kidding when she said she was going to Idaho for the summer and I hope she takes those fucking kids with her.

Andy says I’m 100% ready to be a mom, but boy I’ll tell you, 4 kids is like 400 kids. I can’t deal with more than one kid at once. That means babysitting or listening to them. One’s all I can handle.

Very early yesterday morning Tom really calmed me down and had me feeling a whole lot better. I ended up sleeping from 8 AM - 2 PM.

Tom tried heating the pool, but it was still a bit chilly. We went in the jacuzzi, though, and talked about a Vegas wedding in June.

Later…

Wow! I’ve gotten 42 journals since coming to Arizona and I’ve done 21 since I lived here with Tom.

I got 4 Norah pictures off the video blaster. That thing is so neat. Using her video, we paused some shots of her, then printed them out. Cool, huh? And that’s not even the tip of the iceberg as far as what that thing can do.

This week, probably Wednesday, I’ll be getting a double bed. Also, Tom planned on giving me a bookcase with 6 shelves to use in my room cuz he is going to be building more in the back room. I had a little bookcase with 3 shelves by my bed (they’re both of wood). I had my CD player, CDs, and some knickknacks on 3 plastic shelves. Part of the ones my parents sent me when I first got here. I took those plastic shelves and put them in the back room. I put the CDs, CD player, and knickknacks on the little shelf (3). Then I went into the back room, took all his books off it, and walked the shelves in here, and put them on my bed. I put my journals on them, my alarm clock, pads, pens, markers, and little stuff like that. It wasn’t easy, but I got it in here somehow. Now I’ve got space with the way I’m set up in here for a double bed.

Tom will be getting up in 15 minutes. He’s going to be in for a big surprise when he sees all the rearranging I’ve done. Also that I moved those shelves all by myself, but I have moved lots of furniture before on my own so it’s no big deal.

A double bed sounds so good to me. If I decide I want to use one pillow instead of two, I can throw it on the other side of the bed. Now I throw it on the floor and often trip on it. Also, my comforter is a double size, so then it won’t have its edges dangling on the floor.

I talked to Tammy real quick. Bill’s been really sick with pneumonia.

I’m going to go make some coffee now. Then shortly after Tom gets up, I’m going to bed.

I think I’ve covered everything there is to say. I just hope I get a letter from Bob with the stamps I sent him. It sounds like Bob’s got lots of letters for me. When I talked to him, he was waiting on getting stamps and he said then that he had 5-6 letters to go to me.

It’s wishful thinking, but it’d sure be nice to also get a letter from Cassandra.

They’ve been quiet across the street for a while now, thank God. Yeah, that’s why I was compensated by next door.

Oh. Another thing Tom says the video blaster can do is to make a picture of me and Gloria, or whoever, look like we’re standing side by side. Cool. I know a few suckers who’ll buy that. If I tell them we met, I mean.

Later…

Tom’s up now filling out the application for a loan on the house.

When he got up and came towards my room I said, “How do you like how my room looks?” and he said, “Wow! You moved that all by yourself?”

He agrees it does look nice in here, but I really can’t wait for a double bed, the more I think about it. I want a soft comfortable one and thankfully he has full-size sheets. My full-size fitted sheets are long gone. I ditched them when I got my waterbed back in 1989.

SUNDAY, APRIL 17, 1994 Andy says he’s sending me one of his wacky letters. I got no letters from Bob all week. Now what the hell’s going on? He very well should have those stamps I sent, unless a guard stole them as I said before.

Yesterday the pool pump broke, but what else is new? Tom replaced it today for $240. Also, he got a video blaster for $250. I’ll explain how that works another time.

I’m going to be getting a double bed and other stuff next Wed.

I’m on a serious diet for the first time since early 1988. It’s no big deal, though, compared to having to lose 35 pounds like I did in 1985. I’m 104 and I want to get to 95, but I know I will. I can lose 2 pounds every 2-3 days. Doing it somewhat fast won’t hurt since we’re only talking about 9 pounds. I lost 2 already. I’m going to constantly be swimming, so that’ll make a difference. Tomorrow we’re going swimming.

Today was 100º! Neat, huh? It should be really hot tomorrow, too. That’s it for now.

Later…

I can’t fucking believe this shit! Yesterday I slept only from 8 AM-noon. I’ve been exhausted all day and all night yet I still can’t sleep. Tomorrow we’re going swimming, but how am I going to be able to when I know I’ll have to sleep the day away? How can I go shopping next Wed.? How can I be at my appointment for my teeth? How can I ever be a mother if that ever is in the cards for me? How? How? How? I’m so pissed and frustrated that that’ll only make it even harder for me to get to sleep. I feel like I’m going to be up till 6:00 and sleep till 3:00 or 4:00.

FRIDAY, APRIL 15, 1994 Tom’s going to dust the ceiling fan in the living room and he wants me nowhere near it. Ain’t that sweet? Most people forget or do not give a shit that dust makes me sneeze and wheeze.

My insurance will pay for any work on my teeth, but he said if they didn’t, he’d slap it on his credit card. How nice.

I typed letters to my parents, Kim, and Fran. Tomorrow I’ll do a letter to Bob and I hope he - or someone - writes soon. Hope I get mail tomorrow. I can feel it. I mean, I should. Bob oughta have gotten those stamps I sent. I hope none of the guards steal them.

I finished watching some shows I taped, as well as other stuff that was on. On weeknights at 1:30 AM, they have old reruns of Little House on the Prairie. I think I saw just about every single episode there ever was. Just like with Charlie’s Angels, The Bionic Woman, and Twin Peaks. I miss those days when they’d make over 100 episodes of all series. Now it’s only 10-15 and you see the same few shows over and over.

My tooth is wiggling a bit. Even though it’s a very slight wiggle. I hope I can hold out till the 26th.

THURSDAY, APRIL 14, 1994 Yesterday was a much better day than the day before. I’m due for my period so I’ll have to deal with that, unfortunately.

Got a letter from Kim today and in tomorrow’s mail, letters will be going out to her and Fran. Also, Tom brought home all different kinds of pretty and different canceled stamps. I’m sending them to Tammy to give to the girls.

I had a nice chat with Lisa today. Mainly about her school, the weather, and music.

The pool temp is up to 74º and I got up to my tits today. It won’t be long before I’m swimming away constantly.

We are not going to be able to go to Disneyland yet. It’s just too damn expensive. We may go to Tucson instead.

Andy and I had a nice phone chat today. He asked me to read him every Apr. 13th entry from ’88-‘93. If there was no entry for the 13th I read the closest date. I read up on a few different and funny things. Like how he got the phone bill in the name of Kevin Horne right before I left Springfield for Deerfield, and the multi-page phone bill “Maria S” got in Deerfield. Then we’d laugh at me bitching all about the cold and the snow.

Later…

I forgot to mention that I’m sending Kim 5 pictures I don’t want of Bob’s apartment The one he had before the last one. I’m sending 3 to Bob. One of me, Kim, Phil, and Alex. The other 2 are of me and Kim. I’m sending 5 to Fran. They’re of scenery and shit like that. They’re extras. I had 2 of the same shots of the place on Nettle’s Island that my parents just moved from.

My license came. My hair looks better this time than on the MA license but my face looks huge.

The bad news is that I need one or two teeth pulled. I have an impacted baby tooth. A dentist told me when I was between 20-22 that it may cause trouble when I got older. I really didn’t think so, but sure enough, last night at 3 AM I noticed a funny feeling. I can feel the tooth growing directly behind the one that’s always been there. I guess two of the adult teeth grew at an angle, blocking a baby tooth from getting out and letting the adult tooth come down. I’ve seen X-rays of it up in the jaw.

I called Access, who told me to call Wilcox’s office. The girl there gave me the number of a Dr. Sadar that I’m to see on the 26th. I hope it doesn’t get worse before then, but I was told to call if it does. Tom got some Ambosol for toothaches and whatever if I need it. I haven’t had to use it, but I took Ibuprofen for my cramps. Haven’t started bleeding yet, though. So far it seems my cycle’s every 29 days. Well, going to go lay down now.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 1994 Went to see Dave and Evie’s baby. It was a cutie for a newborn. Also, her name’s not Nakita. It’s Nickolena but that’s pretty, too.

Dave and Evie are very nice and their house is beautiful. Funny how some people can have a normal house with normal neighbors and a normal sex life to go with it.

I just finished typing up journal 1 which only took 3 days. It came to 20 pages, 55041 characters. I’m going to go begin typing 2 next.

Cassandra left me a message last Sunday saying she had been in California when I left a message.

When I told her all that’s happened since being here, she sure was both shocked and very happy for me. She asked if I’d miss women, and said I had guts to do the dancing. Especially all-nude private dancing and modeling.

Now here’s the funny coincidence. She’s seeing someone now who’s an exotic dancer. I knew she was either gay or bi. I sensed it all along from day one.

She’s visited here before and she said she loved it. Also, this fall she’d like to vacation out here and see me. Cool! I would really like that. She’s such a neat person.

It’s going to be 91º tomorrow and the next day. Great. This oughta take the pool temperature up even higher. I believe tonight’s low is 70º.

I started typing journal 2 and I also typed letters to Bob and my parents.

TUESDAY, APRIL 12, 1994 Well, well. I guess I haven’t been writing as much lately. That’s cuz I have been pretty busy.

I didn’t go see Naomi cuz you couldn’t meet her after all. She was only there to give a speech. I also woke up wheezing really bad. If it were Gloria or Linda, I would’ve crawled there somehow.

Instead, Tom and I went to K Mart where I got 5 boxes (each containing 8) of markers for only $12. Good deal.

I also got Linda’s new CD and I especially love the song called Heartbeats Accelerating. There’s also a Spanish song on there.

I recorded 3 songs using Tom’s microphone. I think some of it sounds good and some of it sucks.

I sent Bob 10 stamps, so that’ll help him out and keep him busy for a while.

Tom and I also went to Red Lobster last Saturday and I loved it like I knew I would.

Sunday was the day I met Tom a year ago. Today was one of the worse days of my life 11 years ago. I jumped and broke my arm.

Later…

Well, I have my own floppy disk now and I learned how to use it. Remember how I was starting to type up and print out all my journals? Then I tossed the idea out. Well, now that I can type 100 WPM without looking, it’s much faster and easier. Plus, I’m not going to bother printing them out. The floppy disk can hold hundreds of journals. I’m almost through typing #1.

Tom gave me graph paper a while ago and I’m coloring in different designs and patterns to fill up his bare bedroom walls.

Tom and I did a survey thing again. Here are the questions with our answers (% of probability).

Will the business work out? J-100, T-50

Will we be married? J-100, T-100

Divorced? J-0, T-0

Will I be a singer? J-30, T-75

Dancer? J-15, T-25

Model? J-15, T-50

Have a kid? J-10, T-50

Abort it if I get pregnant? J-5, T-20

Quit smoking? J-0, T-95

Will Tom lose weight? J-100, T-75

Will I? J-5, T-80

FRIDAY, APRIL 8, 1994 Bob called collect a couple of hours ago. He’s pretty much just trying to hang in there and he does have an appeal going through.

As usual, SS is fucking with his checks. He’s having his sister look into it, but for now, he has no money to buy smokes or stamps. As soon as I get around to buying some, I’ll send some his way. I wrote to Kim and asked if she too, would send some stamps.

He says he’s locked down 22 hours a day. The other 2 are for showering, eating and making phone calls. He says there are no limits to how many letters he can get or send. He thinks there is a daily mail pickup, too.

The other inmates are unaware of what he’s in for and he has to keep it that way so he doesn’t have to be put away from everyone else. This I don’t understand cuz most inmates are there for some kind of sex crime. So many guys are pro-rape, so why would they want to go after him?

His cellmate is in for robbery.

He was also crying about how he hasn’t seen or heard from Kim. He says it’s cuz of his love for her. I know that, but I said, nah, she’s just busy and is afraid of running into that guy she testified against. This is true and we all know Kim’s barely home long to eat, sleep and piss.

Anyway, I typed letters to Bob, Kim, and my parents. Later I’ll do one for Fran.

Andy was over earlier. He brought me some postcards for magazine subscriptions and gave me 1 of 3 60-minute blank cassettes. He did have 2 stamps for 2 people he had me send wacky letters to but lost them. I dubbed 2 tapes for him which is a pain, but he says his new box eats 120s.

I got two more of those hang-up calls. Andy says he’s getting them, too. Mine come at different times in the afternoon. His always seem to come at 1:30 on Saturdays. Nervous could get this number if he wanted to, but I don’t know.

Tom may be a little late tonight and I’m sure he’ll be beat. I would be, too. This is why I told myself to enjoy the sex we had last Tuesday cuz I ain’t getting it for a while. Maybe this weekend, but we’ll see.

He didn’t get the job he was trying to get at AMEX, so now he’ll have to apply for another job.

THURSDAY, APRIL 7, 1994 Yes!!! I finally got a nice long letter from Bob. I copied it in #57. He even got the one I sent to Walpole. The second one, he should’ve gotten directly after he mailed the one I got today. My third one will go out to him in tomorrow’s mail.

I have a total of 146 letters so far counting from Book of Letters 1-7.

I hope that today my dad got his calendar.

Someone’s been calling and hanging up. If it’s not someone Tom knows, I wonder if it’s Nervous? He’s the only one that I can think of that may do that. Even long-distance.

I also typed Kim a letter and enclosed Bob’s letter.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 6, 1994 Let me begin updating starting with the early morning hours of the 4th. At 4:00 my time I called Tammy at 7:00 her time. They’re now 3 hours ahead. I told her about the talk I had with Tom, telling him how I feel sexually deprived, and about my mentioning a woman. She gave me good advice. She said I let my feelings be known to him, so now back off and see what happens. Also, I should sleep with him only. I agree, cuz the issue isn’t me missing women or him sucking in bed (though it does suck that he doesn’t cum), I just want more.

Well, yesterday we broke another record. He not only made it in there, but we both were so close to cumming.

Yesterday I got my license and I wasted my time studying for the test. I’m sure I could’ve passed it, but all I needed to do was show them my birth certificate and SS card. They took my picture which I hope isn’t too shitty since I’ll have to have it for 12 years. It cost $25 and it’s good till I’m 60. All I have to do every 12 years is get a new picture and an eye exam. When my last name becomes his it’ll only cost $4 for the change. They’ll be mailing me my license within a week.

I also got 3” of hair trimmed by some girl who was probably a butch. It’s quite shorter. Up to the small of my back, but I had to do it as it was so dead. It still looks like it’s been run through a shredding machine all the way up to my shoulders. It’ll come out of shock in 2-3 weeks. She also trimmed my bangs and I got more of that detangler.

The lettuce is really growing out back. Piggy loved it. It’s so tender. The carrots, though, are taking longer.

Well, I don’t think I’m forgetting anything. I’m taping my shows now.

Later…

Sure enough, Law & Order was a repeat.

I just made a huge thing of spaghetti which Tom really loves. Yup, I’ve gotten good at it.

I wonder if Bob got my letter? I sure hope so. But will I get a letter from him this month? I’ll have to see it to believe it.

Well, time to go listen to music now.

SUNDAY, APRIL 3, 1994 The EC has been fixed and today Tom’s going to do some yard work. Later we’ll be going in the Jacuzzi.

Evie had her baby yesterday and I must confess I’m a bit envious. I don’t know why I am, but I am. They named her Nakita. What a gorgeous, unique name.

This weekend has really been tough on both of us. Things have been breaking and we forgot a lot of stuff at the grocery store.

The lack of sex is getting to me again. People with busy lives manage to take breaks from their chores to play around for a half-hour or so, so why can’t we? Right now I wish I could tell him that I need the closeness as well as sex. It’d sure make me feel better, but I can’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do. He says it’s not me and that I do attract him, but I guess I’m going to have to take care of myself most of the time. For almost a week now he’s been saying “maybe tomorrow,” and I feel teased. If he wanted it that bad, he could’ve come and gotten it. Is he really teasing me or is his appetite really that low? And is it me or has he always been this way?

Later…

God am I bored! I can’t think of anything I really want to do. I did do one fun thing today. I went in the jacuzzi.

This sexually deprived girl hasn’t said a word. I don’t want to get into an argument. I’m not going to give in either. I know he’s not going to ask for sex today, but if he does I’ll give him a “maybe tomorrow” right back. Let him feel deprived for once.

Later…

Well, sure enough, Tom and I did end up having a discussion, but a good one. I let him know it’s not his fault that I’m hitting my sexual peak and he’s over his, which might be the case here. I also let him know that I love him, no matter what and that if this was to be part of being with him, so be it.

I brought up my getting together with women here and there as a side dish for when he’s too tired or too busy. One with no strings attached cuz it is he who I love and he only. No one and nothing can replace the relationship or the love we have. It’s not that he doesn’t please me in bed or that I miss women, I’m just not getting enough sex. Now I know how Brenda and Kacey felt, and they were at their peaks too. Tom said it’s something to think about, but then there’s reality. Do I really think it’ll be that easy? No. Otherwise, I would not have had only a few 1-nighters in 3 years. Things haven’t changed and they never will. 95% of gay women are butches and those few fems are going to want butches. The bi ones will want threesomes with their boyfriends or husbands. Plus, I couldn’t expect a woman to come running at the snap of my fingers every time I got horny. We’ll just have to wait and see, but no amount of sex can ever replace my love for Tom and the great person he is.

Yesterday I came up with a late, yet personalized present for my dad whose birthday’s the 5th. I wanted something with a personal touch. Not something I bought. So, I made a calendar on the computer. It was a great learning experience for me too, and believe me, I learned a lot. I did from April to December, using different colors for each month. Tom already had a blank calendar on the computer and I filled in the correct dates for each month. Then, I inserted my drawings on the bottom. I have 11 drawings scanned in, so April and December got two, and May through November got one.

SATURDAY, APRIL 2, 1994 Today's not likely to be a good day. The EC is broken, so Tom's gone out to the hardware store to get some parts. This is gonna fuck up our budget.

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 1994 Tom just left a message. He’s going to be an hour or an hour and a half late.

I made another big pot of spaghetti. It came out well.

I talked to Fran and Ricky last night.

I called the Civic Plaza and Naomi will be there at 2 PM on the 9th.

Also, I called and scheduled an appointment for next Tuesday at 3:15, as I may need antibiotics. Been a little congested.

Today I was finally able to get into the pool all the way up to my ass. It won’t be long till it’s pleasant enough. It’s now 70º or so, so 5º more oughta make it nice enough. Actually, 10º more would make it quite comfy. It’s going to be 84º - 87º from now till Wed., so that’ll help it a lot.

I hope Bob gets my letter. I hope, also, to hear from him before the month is out.

That’s all for now, so, later!

0 notes

thedaveandkimmershow · 2 years

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Much like a movie that's a Christmas movie even though it's not specifically a Christmas movie, our trip to the Midwest to celebrate a friend's graduation in the middle of December was a Christmas trip without specifically being a Christmas trip.

It was a graduation taking place amidst lights and trees and decorations and gift shopping and music and advent calendars and chocolates and peppermint and bible stories.

So no. Not specifically a Christmas trip. But certainly bathed in all the colors of the season.

It was also a trip wrapped in community. Formed of a large group of individuals committed to the well-being of each other as well as strangers who cross their paths. Which is probably why I have people who are struggling even more on the brain this week.

Since my last Holiday Report, we managed an unbroken string of evenings spent with Christmas movies and classic shows...

Santa Claus is coming to town The Year Without a Santa Claus The Family Man Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer The Best Christmas Pageant Ever Little Women (1994) Call the Midwife Christmas Episode (Season 4) How The Grinch Stole Christmas Call the Midwife Christmas Episode (Season 5, part 1) Call the Midwife Christmas Episode (Season 5, part 2) The Holiday The Santa Clause The Santa Clause 2 Ghosts, BBC Episode "The Ghost of Christmas" Ghosts, BBC Episode "The Ghost of Christmas"

In the meantime, I managed to finish all the Christmas cards and letters we’re sending out... and actually sent them out. Huzzah!

We’re also both done with our Christmas shopping (although I’ve got a thing or two still on the way). Me, I’m done with the Christmas shopping I’m doing for Kimmer. Kimmer, she’s done with the Christmas shopping she’s doing for me as well as everyone else.

So there’s that.

Now, we don’t count stockings as part of the Christmas shopping gig. Most of that’s because whatever you get for the stocking is super low maintenance. You just stuff it in the stocking once you have it. So that kind of shopping goes all the way through when the stores close on Christmas Eve.

As far as our plans?

Got my birthday going on tomorrow so we’re prefunctioning tonight a little with Avatar: The Way of Water at the Majestic Bay Theatres in Ballard followed up, hopefully if there’s still time because the movie’s more than three hours long... followed up by a stop at Pub70 on the waterfront.

Then tomorrow Linzy’ll join us and we’ll improvise a bit. Maybe a return visit to Paint The Town in U-Village. Maybe some miniature golf at Flatstick Pub in Pioneer Square. Maybe some photography at the nearest Fireworks Gallery. Maybe Trader Joe’s appetizers and Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery streaming on Netflex.

Who knows? We’ll figure it out as we go.

After that, Christmas Eve Day, it looks like we’ve got a full day ending with St. Mark’s Cathedral in Seattle for a musical prelude and midnight mass.

For Christmas Day we’re still looking to follow our family tradition of a mid-day movie... although we’re still figuring out which movie it’ll be.

And all the details in-between we’ll fill in as we go. Hopefully, with enough peace and rest and sleep...

So we’re enjoying our experiences every step of the way.

Fingers crossed!

😊

#holidays #Christmas #Christmastime #birthday #Christmas Eve #Christmas Day #holiday plans #peace #joy #love #family #friends #Christmas movies #Christmas shows #gift wrapping #presents under the tree #midnight mass #carols #music

0 notes

sortasirius · 4 years

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What the Fuck Happened to the SPN Finale?

Okay so here it is, my Charlie Kelly style manifesto.

Before I get into it, I recognize that I will look like this to many of you, and that’s okay, I understand:

Secondly, your personal Takes about the writers don’t interest me, I don’t need to hear them. This, as I’ll explain, is going to remain a writer positive blog, and that’s the end of it.

Third, and most importantly: some of what I’m going to talk about is fact, and some is highly educated speculation. I will notate what is speculation, just so there’s no confusion or hot takes in my inbox that I’m a conspiracy theorist or stirring shit up for no reason.

A list of what I’ll be discussing

The episode in regards to the rest of the season

The episode issues: length, editing

Scene placement and speculation of scenes cut

The scrubbing of Jack, Cas, Eileen

Network involvement and general timeline of when things were cut

Misha: theories on where he was, official company line, why we can’t expect to hear anything directly

The silence of the cast post episode (in Misha’s case, mid episode) and what this might mean

Jensen speaking with Kripke about the ending: why it doesn’t mean what you might think (also why kripke remained positive on the ending)

Walker, and why this episode had a major shift

Why the network would do this or get involved

Why the writers of the show simply aren’t the bad guys here, and what I “want” out of this post, since I know it’ll get asked

This is very long and under a cut, but I hope you’ll give it a read.

The Episode In Regards to the Rest of the Season

So, I’ve discussed this already here, but it’s the most obvious thing to me, and that’s the way this episode simply doesn’t fit with the rest of the season.

These people in this room have, truly, been nothing but consistent when it comes to their arcs, especially this season, and the marked dropoff in quality for the finale episode is just too sus to discount to me. Dabb’s whole focus has been character-based. In his seasons, we’ve moved far away from MOTW and bro-codependency, the found family taking it’s place. Does it really sit right to anyone that that was all thrown away in literally the last episode of the entire show?

This is speculation on my part, but as a writer myself, there is no way I would be happy or willing to stamp my name on something that I didn’t think would, at the very least, wrap up the season+ character arcs that I and my team had been crafting.

And before anyone comes in here saying, “well GOT did that!” Bruh. The writing was on the wall for GOT long before the final episode. You could tell that the showrunners just wanted to be done (not only from the plot, but from the fact that they lobbied for a shorter season). Miss me with that, it doesn’t apply here. Andrew has, besides Singer and J2, been with the show longer than anyone. He cares, he is meticulous and detailed, and this ending feels worse than anything Bucklemming has ever written, let alone Dabb.

Additionally, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Dabb was never behind Destiel, that it was all Bobo and Meredith and no one else. That is reductive to the point of insult of the work Dabb has done to get this greenlit. This man did not write the s13 Dean grief arc to be slandered like this. That being said, YES, Bobo and Meredith were the leads on the DeanCas arc this season, but ANDREW IS THE SHOWRUNNER, TO GET EVEN THE CONFESSION APPROVED BY THE NETWORK HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BACKS. AND HE DID.

Finale Issues

So, now that we’ve gotten the fact that this episode doesn’t hit on any of the major themes the show was barrelling towards all season, let’s discuss the fact that the episode is just...weird.

Not only is it shorter than any other episode (I think with the intro and the credits/crew thing at the end, it was around 38 mins), but it was also...idk, 90% filler?

One of the lovely humans in the POLOL server did the legwork here, and broke it down:

This is weird, y’all. Most series finales are LONGER than normal (Lost, SOA, Longmire are the ones I can think of off the top of my head), and for the final episode to be this? I saw more than one person point out that we only really needed 19 episodes, what was the point of 20? AND THAT’S EXACTLY IT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FINAL EPISODE IF THIS WAS ALL WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET?

It simply doesn’t make any sense, the first half of the episode was rushed, a final monster hunt gone wrong, but in the second half? Nothing really happened? Sam lived his entire life and Dean just drove around. It doesn’t make sense to have all the emotional arcs left unaddressed in an episode that definitely needed some kind of spark.

Here’s the speculation I have: the episode seemingly went through a lot of changes between the initial inception of the final season and when we actually got it, but I think it would have been passable (as in, we wouldn’t be sitting here asking each other why each arc feels incomplete) until the editing room got ahold of it. The only think that makes this episode make sense is network fuckery. Truly, that is the only thing. It explains the weird, cuts, the rushed pacing of the first half followed by nothing in the second half, the double montages of “Wayward Son” back to back, and Dean just...driving around for the last half of the episode.

Scene Placement and Speculation of Scenes Cut

Before I get into this section, the info of the shots in the episode I have come from a source that @occamshipper got a week or so before the finale. She’s talked about this here.

So here’s what Min was given:

1-5: 1 INT MEN OF LETTERS – DEAN’S ROOM Dean is greeted by Miracle

6-10: 6 INT MEN OF LETTERS – HALLWAY/SAM’S ROOM Sam has his routine

D1 1 11-15: 15 EXT FARM HOUSE Establishing

N1 1/8 16-20: 19 Dad’s journal, marker, drawing of masked man in journal.

21-25: 23 INT IMPALA – PMP Driver picks the music

N2 1 3/8 1,2 26-30: 28pt2 INT BARN: A face from the past

28pt3 Sam and Dean say goodbye

28pt4 Shot early for technical reasons, presumably the overhead shot

N2 31-45: 41 INT MEN OF LETTERS – SAM’S ROOM Sam’s alarm goes off D4 1/8 1 46-60: 56 INT N7glasses for Sam, laptop.

So...it all fits right? It all tracks with the actual episode, where it lands, etc. The issue is between shots 29-40 which were apparently “too big to spoil.” Uh. Where are they? And where’s 28 pt4?

After Dean dies, the next scene is Sam burning him, then shot 31, the shot of his alarm going off.

So. Where are those 11ish shots?

PLUS we have the boards, which are scenes we KNOW were actually shot:

As well as scenes for 20 that were shot in 19.

It’s just...weird, it’s weird and again hits on the fact that the episode is so short and like 80% montage.

The Scrubbing of Jack, Cas, and Eileen

So now we have to reckon with the fact that Eileen was last mentioned by Sam after she got snapped by Chuck, Jack’s last mention is that he’s off being God somewhere, and Cas’ last mention is a ~knowing look~ between Dean and Bobby.

I’m sorry, make it make sense:

???????? That’s the end if it? They don’t need to be discussed after this??? It’s just simply not something a writer would do, they would not introduce these characters, these arcs, without thinking there’s going to be some kind of follow through here.

So not only were three major characters (including two leads and both of the original characters’ love interests) completely wiped from the finale episode, it was as though Sam and Dean never even needed them, which just...ain’t it.

So why Eileen and Jack too? Why not just take Cas out of it if they were afraid of the gay? Because, ultimately, the episode went back to Kripke’s original story: just the bros, they only need each other and no one else. They don’t want anyone else, they don’t need anyone else. Easier to go back to something they knew was successful than trust the writers and their audience and take a big leap.

Alex even said he shot for 20 with “some of the guys” here. What happened to that footage?

The complete 180 of it all still shocks me, I still cannot believe that we were essentially at the finish line, and the network just stopped short, and decided to go run another race, at the expense of the arc of this fifteen year legacy show.

Network Involvement and When Things Were Cut

Okay, now into the juicy stuff.

So I’ve pretty well established that network fuckery is clear, but how much did they get involved, what was the original intent?

Well again, we may never actually know what Andrew’s original script was, but I think, at the least, it would involve Dean speaking his truth to Cas and Sam living a life with Eileen.

Now, it seems today, that Misha said that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale in one iteration of the script, and while initially my brain was like “that truly makes no sense and he’s either straight up lying or telling a half truth,” I think what may be happening is Misha talking about as much as he can right now.

So Jimmy right. Weird as fuck. Why would he been in the Roadhouse and not Cas? My current thought (this is about as reachy as I’ll get) is that Jimmy had no lines, could he have been in the Roadhouse as a red herring, like it said “Jimmy” in the script but it was just Cas in human clothes, a way to get around the network saying Cas couldn’t be in the final scene. Also, you’ll notice that Misha didn’t say that Cas wasn’t supposed to be in the ep at all, just Jimmy in the last scene.

All this to say, there have clearly been multiple versions of the script, getting lighter and lighter with Cas and Eileen as the network pulled further and further back. Remember, Dabb has to get things approved before they get shot, and if the network kept asking and asking and asking to cut Cas and Eileen, he had to find a way to work around it. Granted, I still think that if we had been able to get a Dabb script that wasn’t torn to shreds in editing, it wouldn’t be so bad. It may not be what a lot of us wanted (Dean speaking his truth to Cas and a reciprocation), but doing everything he could to give it to us in subtext or visual clues.

Plus, in all honesty, my man can’t keep his story straight anyway. He said twice in his panel that the Empty and offscreen Heaven ending weren’t his original ending either.

In addition, remember that Jensen did ADR post episode 18, AND said in a meet and greet last weekend that Dean’s reaction to Cas’ confession was “cut down.” (Source here). Many of us clowns got excited when we first heard about ADR, because we thought it would be upping the ante on Dean’s reaction, but I remember being a little sus when it was just crying. My speculation on that is that they cut out Dean actually SAYING something, @winchestersingerautorepair spoke about that here.

The biggest sins were, in my opinion, committed during editing, where the network got too gun shy and sliced the episode until it was nothing but a heartless bro-fest of a finale, not mentioning anything about the other major characters that we all love, and letting the boys just suffer in separation until Sam died and finally joined Dean in Heaven. The editing came by cutting all the major emotional beats between anyone other than Dean and Sam, leaving the skeleton of the story intact, just shorter and less...poignant than it was ever supposed to be.

Misha

We know Misha was in Vancouver, we know he quarantined, but we also know he wasn’t in the final scene, when he spoke about being in the last moment of the show months ago. We were not crazy, he was there, he quarantined, and, in all likelihood (speculation but fitting with the timeline), he actually may have shot something (not much, but something).

I have sources here, here, here, and here showing where Misha was at that time.

Remember, the man was completely open about coming back until they finished shooting (look at this thread). The switch happened, just like everything else, halfway through them shooting.

Please also remember Jake Abel posting his “Where’s Misha” video here. Jake isn’t malicious, he isn’t being nasty here. Misha was there, and everyone that’s trying to convince people he’s wasn’t just...isn’t telling the truth about it.

This is one of the things that makes me really mad, because they’re literally attempting to gaslight people into thinking, “oh we were totally wrong he was never supposed to be there” WHEN HE WAS THERE, WE KNOW HE WAS THERE.

So we’ve already heard from several people (Meghan Fitzmartin, Jay, a PA on the set of 19 (WHO WAS NOT WORKING FOR 20), Misha himself) that this was all down to Covid restrictions. Ultimately, as this post says, we’ve heard FIVE versions of where Misha was. None of it makes sense, but the Covid protocol seems to be the company line that others are repeating.

You may ask: why? Why lie to all of us when we have questions? Why, in Jay’s case, say that we’re all spreading false lies to stir up trouble, when we just have questions and things that do not make sense. Simply? Warner Brothers is absolutely massive. These people have their careers to protect and are likely all under NDAs. They want to work for WB again and don’t want to burn bridges, including Misha. It sucks, but that’s why it’s unlikely that we’ll hear someone come out and say, “yeah we’re lying to you.”

Silence of the Cast Post Episode

So this is...probably the worst part of all this, at least in my opinion.

The guys had all been pretty excited about the end of the show (especially Jared, but Jensen’s panel last week was Jensen as happy and jokey and positive as I’ve ever seen him. He was so excited about episode 18, about what it meant for Dean and for Cas, and I just cannot buy that he would have been that excited unless he thought there was something more in the episode.

Misha live-tweeted the episode, and was watching it with his kids. It’s well known that Misha and the kids don’t watch the show because it’s too scary, and let’s ask ourselves, why would he have them watch an episode that he’s barely even mentioned in?

He also stopped live-tweeting at a very specific point in the episode (Dean’s death) and has not mentioned Supernatural since then.

None of them, not Jared, Jensen, Misha, or even Alex, said anything about the episode for nearly 36 hours, when Jensen posted a salty photo on instagram. It’s just...not what you’d expect for the end of a 15 year show, when the cast and crew are so close to the fans, so close to each other.

My theory? They didn’t know. They thought Misha was, at least, going to be in the episode in some way, and when he wasn’t, they decided not to say anything.

You really think that Jensen “Heller” Ackles would have been so excited about the end of the show last week if he thought Cas wasn’t going to be in it at all? Nah son, doesn’t make any sense.

Even today, in Jared and Misha’s panels, they seemed sad and...more than a little careful, both saying that there were things they couldn’t say, both talking around things that we all have questions on.

Jensen Speaking with Kripke

So this is where a lot of people are getting fodder to take shots at the writers, saying that Jensen hated it from the beginning, but I don’t think so. I actually think I know what Jensen went to him about, and it wasn’t the lack of Cas or the weird pacing or the montages (which I don’t think were there when Jensen got the script); I think it was the manner of Dean’s death.

I know a lot of people were upset about that, upset with how...normal it was, coming off an episode where they literally beat God. I actually didn’t mind it, I thought it was an interesting thematic take to be like: you can be a hero all your life, but sometimes shit happens, and you just die.

But imagine how hard that was for Jensen to read. He would run to Kripke for that, because for him, Dean dying by being impaled by a piece of rebar had to be tough to swallow.

So, why didn’t Kripke say that? Why didn’t he say, “oh well he had a problem with Dean’s death, none of that other stuff was in the script.”

Guys. Why would he get involved? He’s not going to burn bridges any more than anyone else is. He said the ending was good because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s simple, will cause him no problems in his career, and he can just ignore the people trying to engage with him on it.

Walker

Something else to talk about is the major shift this episode had from the rest of the season: the shift from Dean to Sam. I am NOT saying that Sam isn’t important, he definitely, absolutely is, but it was DEAN who really needed to wrap up his arc, Sam just needed to move on, get married to Eileen, become the leader he was always meant to. So what changed? What was with the shirtless scene, the Austin number and random case there, most of the episode being heavily Sam focused, going through his entire life in a montage?

Anyone else notice the 375 Walker promos, or Jared’s little spiel about Walker and how he hoped SPN fans would “come along for the ride.”

It’s...kinda obvious? CW wanted to appeal to who they think the key demographic of SPN and Walker is: rural areas in the South. It would explain a lot, why so much editing, why so Sam focused, the Austin number, the number of Walker promos, all of it.

I’m not saying this is fact, I don’t know that it is, but it is a little suspicious that even in Jared’s panel today, he talked A LOT about Walker and how he hopes SPN fans will watch it.

Why Would the Network Get Involved?

Simply put: $$$

If they think Walker can be the new SPN, and that those crazy SPN fans liked it originally, it’s a lot safer to go with the “original intent” of the show than do something risky (like making one of your two original leads queer).

And? They don’t care. They don’t care that the episode didn’t make sense, they don’t care that all the emotional arcs were left hanging, they don’t care by (potentially) smashing together two of Dean’s monologues (one to Sam, one to Cas) that it came of as...gross. ( @curioussubjects wrote a beautiful post showing how part of that death speech was likely meant for Dean here). They don’t care, they never have, they just want to make their money and move on from the too-loud fandom that fought for representation too hard for too long.

It can’t help but feel insidious, which, honestly, it might be, but it really all comes down to the next cash cow, which, they think, is Walker, even at the cost of the fifteen year legacy show.

The Writers and What I Want

So here it is, all this weird, sus shit laid out on the line. And you know what? To me, there is no way to blame the writers, because they didn’t want this.

I don’t think Dabb and Bobo would have gone ahead with the confession in 18 without thinking that there would be some closure to that arc, they wouldn’t have done that not only to the fans, but for the sake of their own story as well: no writer wants to start something that they can’t finish. (And this applies to both Cas and Eileen).

Here’s a basic rundown of what I think happened: they had a clear arc from 18-20, ending in reciprocation at some level from Dean, Sam marrying Eileen, Hunter Sam as the new Bobby, Dean in heaven with Cas and big roadhouse reunion at the end. Covid prevented a good amount of that. Network had to stare at big gay 18 for six months, got cold feet. Thought about Walker, target audience and alienation of the rural areas if it went full gay. Misha quarantined and likely shot something (not much), he was then cut by execs and went home. They likely added in lines referencing Eileen and Cas to make it clear but more subtextual. They wrap, editing gets it and hacks it to pieces, so we get a shorter episode that’s mostly montages and jarringly bro-centric with nothing else. Arcs are left hanging. Dabb gets episode but it’s too late, there’s nothing he can do. Actors aren’t told so they can continue to do positive PR for the ending, they all found out at the same time we did: hence almost complete silence about the finale.

And you know what? They warned us. I talked about it here, but they’ve been telling us all season that Chuck wasn’t the writer, he’s the network. I don’t think, still, that they thought it would be cut up like this, into something so unsalvageable that it’s been panned by almost everyone, even people who didn’t care much about Dean and Cas.

Finally, a masterpiece can be ruined by editing, and while I’m not sure even the script they ended up shooting on was a masterpiece (due to the network meddling already), but to me it’s blatantly obvious that it’s no one but the network that caused this, that took away closure for Dean, Cas, and even Sam.

So what do I want? Nothing really, there’s nothing we can do, but I wrote this mostly to show people that the writers are not your enemy. In fact, to the people trashing them? You’re doing exactly what the CW wants you to: blame the obvious targets, blame Misha, blame Jensen and Jared, blame Dabb. Scream and yell at them on Twitter and about how the show is ruined because of them. The network keeps their engagement levels high, they don’t get as targeted for their behavior, and just keep moving along.

Just, please, think about who did this, Mourn the show, be angry, but not at the people who fought tooth and nail for this for literal years, not the people who wanted it more than we did, not the people who cannot say anything because of their careers and the NDAs they’re bound by.

Someone is going to spill eventually, but until then, we just have to wait, and continue to be loud.

#my writing #my meta #supernatural #spn #spn finale trash fire #MY MANIFESTO IS DONE

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vaspider · 3 years

Note

I'm getting married Saturday! Any words of wisdom to impart for someone starting that new chapter (if you're comfortable with it)? Thanks for being a parent figure to so many of us on here. Goodness knows lots of us need someone like that.

In any case, Shana Tovah, and many blessings to you and yours!

💙

First of all, mazel tov! So much joy and happiness to you both. 💓

I had to think about this for a bit. @dadhoc and I have been together for 17 years and married for 12, and we've been with @apocalycious for 2.5 years, so I think we're doing something right. In no particular order:

Know when you need to be Right and when you'd rather be Happy. If your spouse wants to build a house with a Jell-O foundation, keep arguing/discussing/etc. bc you need to be right - it could hurt you both if you don't! If you're arguing over which one of you said what when you clearly had an unfortunate misunderstanding and accidentally hurt each other's feelings... wouldn't you rather be happy than right? Take a deep breath, apologize for your part in the misunderstanding, and figure out how to not have it happen again.

Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Don't go to bed angry with each other or actively arguing. That kind of stuff calcifies.

Figure out how the other person expresses love and says they're sorry, and honor that. Communicate how you need to be loved and apologized to. @dadhoc doesn't always say "I love you" out loud, but they make the leftover challah into French toast on the weekend, and they work really hard on NerdyKeppie stuff. I write poems and make art for people and get silly little presents, like an enamel pin with a red panda or a penguin on it for my boos. If you mention something you might like to do someday offhandedly, or a question you wonder about, Evie will remember that and research it for you! Steve also often doesn't say "I'm sorry" out loud - they will go wash the bedding and clean the bedroom so we can all spend time watching TV and snuggling together when the argument is resolved... but I need to hear "I'm sorry" out loud. So I acknowledge and appreciate the things they did, and they say the words out loud.

Respond to what your partners say, not to your baggage or to what you expect them to say. This becomes more of a Thing the longer you're together: you have so many conversations and talks and arguments that you fall into a comfortable groove with each other. That's great! But. Make sure when they're talking that you're not responding to something your dad said that hurt you 20 years ago, or to your ex who was hypercritical of you, or to who your partner USED to be, 6 years and a bunch of discussions ago.

Celebrate each other's successes, even the little ones. Get ice cream together when you finish a project at work. Take each other out for self-care time. You're together because you're each other's biggest fans, after all, but also...

You don't have to be each other's everything. I'm fact, you shouldn't. Make time for yourself. Spend time with your friends. Cultivate your friends, not just our friends. (Evie is friends with people I can't stand, and I'm happy they get along!) Have your Own Things that you do and are.

Spoil each other just a little. If you won't do it, who will?

Laugh with each other but never at each other. Human beings are ridiculous!

Go to therapy. It's preventative maintenance for your brain.

Find something you enjoy doing together that has a finished product at the end. Build a model, bake a cake. Evie and I really like cooking together. Even cleaning is nice if I'm doing it with my partners.

Don't stop going on dates, even if a date means eating dinner outside instead of in your kitchen.

Speaking of which: try to make Family Dinner a thing. Sit at an actual table presuming you have one, trade off making food, put your phone somewhere else while you're eating, and talk to each other without distraction for at least that long every day. I know I sound like a mom in a Pixar movie, but I'm serious, this works! When I was sick, we stopped having a dining room table really bc of how our house got rearranged, and we didn't eat together at a table for years. Now our Family Dinnertime is sacrosanct. Even if we're all eating leftovers, we eat at the table right around the same time every day. It makes a difference in our ability to connect with each other. Eating together is an important human bonding activity.

You're going to change. So is your spouse. That's not just okay - that's great! Life means growth. I'm not who I was in 2004, thank G-d, and neither is Steve. I'm not who I was in 2019, for that matter. That change and growth is who you're becoming together, so honor and celebrate that. You can't grow old together if you don't grow old, after all.

If you're so inclined generally speaking, never stop looking at your sexy-ass spouse with the same wide-eyed delight you do now. Just... enjoy it when they're getting changed in the room with you. If I ever stop saying "... butt... " dreamily when one of my partners is changing, or informing one that they're missing out on seeing the other's butt, just bury me, I'm dead. Appreciate them out loud. They're cute!

Smooch daily.

Take care of yourself. You can't be a good spouse if you're not eating food food, getting enough sleep, etc.

Even in the shitty parts, which will happen, remind yourself that you've got backup. From now on, you've always got backup, and it's much easier to go through crises with your biggest fan by your side. It'll be a great story on the other side, right? I'll forever tell the one about how when Steve was in the hospital for afib, and the docs had to knock Steve out to shock their heart into behaving, they woke up and started immediately asking "where's my [husbutch]?" They got so insistent about it - still loopy on the anesthesia - that the nurse came to get me. I called from the doorway and Steve calmed down... for 5 seconds, and then their short-term memory cycled, and they started asking for me again. This happened half a dozen times until I asked "do you want me to just ... squeeze in?" bc Steve's insistence was slowing the doctors down, the docs said yes, so I worked my way up to the head of their hospital bed and said "here I am, please calm down so the doctors can work." Steve said, "oh! My [husbutch]. Hello, [husbutch]!" and took my hand and calmed down. It was a TERRIBLE day but I LOVE that story in retrospect.

Smooch lots.

Mazel tov! Love each other. Building a marriage is work, but anything worth building takes effort. It sounds cheesy but it's so true. 💗

#spider talks #marriage #long post #i never did know how to say anything briefly

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bubbledumbbinch · 3 years

Note

Heya! Congrats on the 100+ followers!! Your writing is really good and I enjoy reading your works!

If you dont mind, what would be your headcanons on the TWST dorm leaders of what prefrences they have for a S/O? Like what would they want in an S/O? (Also Im sorry if this has already been asked Im also kinda new to your blog as well ;w;)

Hii!! And thank you 🥰🥺💕 that means a lot to me!! I hope you stay and continue to enjoy yourself here!This hasn’t been asked before so I hope you enjoy!!! ;w; I hope you all enjoy I had a fun time (and a difficult time) writing this out! I think I made it too long, again ;w;

I made this SFW uwu just some fluff!!!! But please keep in mind before you follow me, I MOSTLY POST NSFW works.

Warnings: slight story spoilers for episode 5, for Idia’s part, if u squint

Pairings: Dorm Leaders x Reader

I put things under a cut for length!!

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle would probably want a partner who does well in school - at least someone who tries to! It would go against his own desires to do well in life if he has a partner who doesn’t have the drive to succeed like he does.

He isn’t particularly fond of people who have a lot of potential yet waste it on being lazy. Like I said before, it goes against his own morals.

I also see him wanting someone fun-loving! Riddle grew up in an environment where fun was essentially taboo so he would be drawn like a moth to a flame to someone who has so much energy in them. Remember one of his best childhood friends is Che’nya so he would probably not hate the idea of joking around and being silly once in a while!

Someone who would love sweets like him! Not too often so he could maintain his shape, but someone who would love to indulge him once in a while!

Riddle would love to see an S/O who makes time for him and the unbirthday parties that Heartslabyul hosts! He feels like a good dorm leader and seeing you make an effort to come makes him feel like a great boyfriend too!

“Ah, Y/N, I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to make it today.” Riddle sighed to himself in relief. He feared his rose would come to the party late. “Ah, sorry Riddle! I was late because I was studying for Professor Crewel’s exam but I lost track of time!” You breathed out, a bit exhausted from running.

The redhead only nodded and smiled at you. “Don’t worry about it, my rose. We’ve only just begun the party, so no need to fret.” Riddle’s gentlemanly ways never failed to make your heart soar. “No no, I’ll make it up to you! I’ll bake you a tart sometime, you’ll let me right?” You playfully nudged at your boyfriend’s arm and smirked.

Riddle could only blush furiously. “Th-that would not be a bad idea. I suppose I would accept the gift graciously, dear, but only if we can cook it together. I believe it would be beneficial to both of us to learn!”

Leona Kingscholar

Someone who loves to nap with him like all the time

Leona would definitely want someone who is willing to praise him a lot. Growing up he never really had that and felt like he was overshadowed by his big brother, so this guy needs validation like crazy. Tell him how strong he is, how much you love him, how warm he is… he’ll scoff and look away but you could see the faintest blush on his cheeks. He secretly loves it.

I feel like Leona would like bratty tsunderes, for some reason. He would be the perfect teasing type for them and I think I can just picture Leona and his S/O getting into play fights that lead to something more, if you catch my drift.

Someone who can be “refined” enough for show so that when he brings you home to his family, they can accept you fully. The last thing he wants is his family pestering him about how his potential mate isn’t a good fit.

As tough as he may be he def wants someone at the end of the day to stroke his head and calm him down after a long and stressful day.

“Oi, herbivore, come here and be my pillow.” Leona’s gruff voice broke the silence of his room. He was sitting up on his bed while you studied on his desk. Giggling, you made your way into his bed, crawling over to where he was. Leona pushed your torso down gently and started nuzzling his head on your chest, and you could feel the vibrations coming from his body that was like a low growl. Or was it purring?

“Of course, anything for my big strong boyfriend, the best Magift player in the school, my one and only love~” you endlessly praised him, smiling at him as if he were a rare diamond. Leona only huffed as he wrapped his muscular arms around your form, effectively preventing you from leaving.

“Tch…. Damn right….” Leona mumbled. “Why don’t you tell me more while I start drifting to sleep?” Leona smirked. Running your fingers through his hair carefully, you obliged, feeling Leona’s breathing become more calm as you continued.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul would ALSO want someone who praises him, due to his years of being bullied. Call him beautiful, smart, tell him he’s the most cunning man on campus. He EATS IT UP. This man will swear on his life for you.

He also would want someone who has the ability to work hard… what? The Mostro Lounge needs extra workers sometimes! Azul thinks that if he can own the lounge, manage contracts, AND study hard for school, his S/O should be able to match him!

I can see Azul absolutely praising/spoiling his S/O too. Since you give him so much happiness in his life he should pay it forward, no? What would you like, a new dress/suit? A new piece of jewelry?

Someone !!! Loyal!!! Azul wants someone who he can feel secure with in a relationship, so he probably wouldn’t want you to flirt with anybody else since his insecurities will SPARK UP like crazy!

Azul wants someone who loves him for who he is, unconditionally!

“Angelfish… hello, good evening. I’m sorry if I am a bit more tired than usual, I just finished with ordering more inventory for the lounge and dealing with some paperwork.” Azul sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. You dropped your bags on one of the chairs of the VIP room and walked over slowly to your octomer boyfriend. Bringing your arms to his shoulders, you slowly begin to knead and massage his arms gently. Azul groaned at the contact, muscles aching.

“How is this, Azul? I know how hard you work, you deserve to take a break too, sometimes…” you spoke gently into his ear, kissing the shell of it. The contact gave him slight goosebumps. “Ah, I would love to but, I have so much more to do… I know it’s going to be a late night for me, so why don’t you head on to sleep?” You tsked, upset with his answer. “I know it’s late Azul, that’s why I’m here. You know, if you keep doing this you’ll get wrinkles, right?”

“Ahem! Well. Then, this might be a good place to stop if that’s the case…” Azul huffed, standing up quickly to retire to his room, you in tow.

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim wants someone who is cheerful! They may not be a ray of sunshine like he is, but I honestly can’t picture him with someone smug/gloomy. Kalim might be dense but he isn’t THAT stupid. I think he would be able to notice if you were upset which makes him upset.

Someone who is down for anything, Kalim would love to take you on a ride on his magic carpet at random hours of the day so be prepared to drop whatever you’re doing if you want to appease your impulsive boyfriend!

A fun loving person for sure, who isn’t super self conscious about what people think. If he asks you to dance with him he would really love for you to join! He wouldn’t want you to say something like, “oh, but I’m a bad dancer…” Kalim would shake his head and ask you why you would say that! It’s all about having a fun time together, right?

A patient lover is what Kalim would want as well, someone who’s kind, too. At the end of the day when Kalim is ready to sleep after his crazy antics, he wants a partner he can be able to lay next to and feel like himself.

Someone who loves him even if he weren’t rich, Kalim would want someone for their personality and not materialistic things or beauty. Kalim sees someone for their heart ! (*´꒳`*)

You yawned heavily while rubbing your eyes. Was that a tapping noise coming from the window? “Ugh…. What time is it?” Checking your phone, you saw it was 1:30am. You also had a text from Kalim.

*tap tap tap*

You groggily walked over to the window and opened the curtains to see Kalim sitting on his magic carpet with the biggest grin upon seeing you. Opening the window, you giggled lightly. “Good evening Kalim, fancy seeing you here so late.”

“Hi, Y/N!! I woke up and felt bored so, you wanna join me on a night ride around campus?” Kalim practically beamed at you, even this late at night. His smile never failed to make your heart flutter. The boy’s positive energy also transferred to you, effectively waking you up.Stepping onto the carpet from your window was your answer. After getting situated, you kissed Kalim’s cheek and held his hand. “Of course Kalim, I would love to.”

Vil Schoenheit

Someone who can tough out his callous words and treatment. Vil might be a bit much, but the reason why he does this is because he does it with the goal of ultimately helping you. He only wants to see the best out of people, including but not limited to his little sweet potato!

Someone who is patient. He knows he checks who the most beautiful person is quite often and he doesn’t do it to annoy you, it’s just for his own personal validation issues. Lay a hand on his arm, back, or head to give him praises and let him know he’s beautiful to you no matter what.

Someone who is willing to pepper him lightly with kisses (not the face though, he has makeup on!). He definitely eats it up and loves it so much, he feels like you are treating him like a king. He’ll pay that back tenfold and give you beauty treatments, it’ll feel like you’re at the spa on a weekday!

Vil is constantly posting on Magicam, depending on whether you’re comfortable enough to be posted on there he would want to make sure you are okay with him constantly taking photos to be posted on there. Whether it be food you cooked, matching couples outfits, or even pictures of you without makeup, be ready to face comments of all sorts coming from his fans.

“Mira Mira on my phone… Currently, who is the most beautiful of all?” You heard Vil speak outside of his room. Currently you sat on the small chaise at the foot of his bed. Vil told you he needed to step out for a second, so you could get ready for bed now. After putting on your sleeping clothes, Vil finally came back in, seeming more irritated than before. His eyebrows furrowed and his body looked tense.

“Vil, are you alright?” You questioned him as you made your way to his bed, slipping under the covers. Vil only sighed and exchange a quick “Mm.” as he changed into his pajamas and came to join you. He was turned so his back was facing you and he was a bit distant. You knew he didn’t get the answer he wanted when he got those search results back. You didn’t know how to convince your boyfriend otherwise but you decided you needed to talk to him.

“Vil, darling…” you spoke gently as you nuzzled closer, your chest pressing into his back. Your arm wrapped around him to pull him closer, to which he responded with finally relaxing in your touch. “You’re one of the best things that’s happened to me, Vil, I don’t know if you realize how lucky I am to have such a loving, caring, and talented boyfriend like you. Your beauty is simply the cherry on top of the person I fell in love with. To me, you’re perfect. I love you.” You ended your tangent by placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder, dozing off.

You couldn’t see Vil but he trembled lightly as tears silently fell down his face. “Thank you… I love you too, my sweet potato.” Vil whispered into his pillow. With you, he always felt like the most beautiful person.

Idia Shroud

Personality wise, I don’t think Idia would be picky. He’s a shy person and honestly would be surprised he could get an S/O at all! So is Ortho!

Speaking of Ortho, Idia wants someone who is kind and loving to his little brother. Knowing his partner loves his brother would only make him fall for you harder!

Probably someone who would give Idia his own space until he finally felt comfortable and wanted to take it further, he would prob take a few days to even kiss you!!!

Idia wants someone to be his player 2 :) like actually, come over and game with him and he’ll probably be the happiest boy ever.

Big big bonus if you love anime, cosplay, gaming, etc. It’s one thing to be an otaku like Idia but when he has a partner to fully indulge in his interests with?? It’s a win-win situation for everyone! He wants to do a couple cosplay one day if he gets the courage to ask you.

Someone who won’t pressure him too much. If you remember how Riddle pressured Idia into trying to speak publicly, you know how much of a scary situation it put Idia in, even though he was able to do it. Stressing him out is just gonna make him unhappy :(

Someone who enjoys spending as much time inside as he does! I’m not talking a hikikomori but someone who wouldn’t be opposed to staying inside with him 99.9% of the time lol

“Y-Y/N-shi, would you like to g-go on a date with me soon?” Idia fumbled with his fingers, looking away as he asked you. You raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Idia, this is the first time you asked me to ‘go on a date’. Don’t tell me, are we actually going out somewhere?!”

“Eek! D-don’t be ridiculous, Y/N!!” He almost screeched the words out. Suddenly he pulled out a couple of VR headsets with hand controllers, and handed one to you. “Fuhehe, I just made a bunch of simulation locations. We could go to the park, a restaurant, even an amusement park..!” He grinned showing off his teeth.

You giggled at Idia’s enthusiasm, loving the way he gets after speaking about his own creations. “What a wonderful idea, Idia. Maybe we could take Ortho to the ‘amusement park’ too? We’ll be a big family.” You mused. Idia’s face brightened and a faint pink tinge covered his cheeks.

“F-family, huh? Ah, Y-Y/N-shi…. That would be n-nice…” Idia blushed as he considered what the future would bring for the both of you.

Malleus Draconia

Malleus would also mostly not have preferences on a person’s personality. Like, he wouldn’t say something like: “I want someone shy vs someone bold.” Anything his child of man does is interesting to him and he’s entranced by you!

That being said, Malleus would not tolerate rudeness, disrespect to him, Lilia, or his fellow dorm mates, etc. He may love you but he values those bonds more, especially Lilia’s and his grandmother’s.

Malleus wants someone who is willing to teach him human tendencies, since he is curious about them. Malleus will also probably never stop asking you about your life in the previous world, and listen passionately as you describe the hobbies you had, family members, etc.

As long as you continue to love and treat Malleus like a normal person and with kindness, he will continue to love you endlessly. He’s so unused to it that he will feel so special as you only coo in awe instead of fear away, if he showed you a magic trick or maybe donned more of his draconic features like his tail or long claws.

You walked with Malleus under the bright moonlight in the woods near Ramshackle dorm. His height and charm never failed to impress you. And his face, he was so very handsome. His striking green eyes always made you feel hypnotized and his horns were so well taken care of, you almost wanted to reach out and-

“Hm, Child of Man… you do know it’s quite rude to stare, yes?” Malleus chuckled and suddenly broke the silence, making you gasp. “Ah, sorry Tsunotarou. I-,” searching your thoughts, you just couldn’t think of anything quickly enough. “I just couldn’t help myself. You’re very attractive.” You murmured, admitting defeat.

“Oh? Do I not intimidate you, my dear? Usually humans and even other fae fear my features and tend to shy away…” Malleus looked down in thought as he continued walking. You wrapped yourself around one of his arms as he walked, effectively stopping him in his place. “Well, you don’t intimidate me! I like being around you, so, let’s keep it that way. I want to stay with you for a long time so don’t get too tired of me okay, Malleus?”

Hearing you say his given name only made the fae’s heart beat harder in his chest. Surely you knew what you did to him. He smiled down at you, green eyes softening in your gaze.

“I assure you I won’t, little human.”

#riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #twst headcanons #twst dorm leaders #twisted wonderland x you #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #kalim al asim x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus draconia x reader

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kohanayaki · 3 years

Text

.:Time and Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 6

You continue the tale of how you, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter became known as The Marauders.

LINKS: CH 1 CH 2 CH 3 CH 4 CH 5 CH 6 CH 7 CH 8

___________________________________________________________

Ch 6 .:The Making of the Marauders:.

~Previously~

“That was when they were first starting to put the map together,” you continued, “but that wasn't even the biggest secret they had. Of course, I wouldn't find out about that for another year. . .”

“So at this point I knew that they were hiding something else, but not what it was,” you told Harry, continuing on with your story, “But one night we had planned to meet up and use the invisibility cloak to map out the underground tunnels that ran through the storage cellars, and they never showed up. So I snuck into the Gryffindor common room through the secret passage and found their dorm completely empty. But what was there was our work in progress map. . .”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1975 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This isn't going to work,” Peter said flatly, watching James and Sirius draw a large circle in chalk on the floor of the Shrieking Shack.

“Not with that attitude it's not,” James said, “if there's a way we can speed up this process I'm willing to give it a go. I don't know how long I can go on with this bloody leaf in my mouth.”

“Is this even real?” Peter sighed, “it looks like what muggles think magic is.”

“It's real all right,” Sirius said, “old, but real. I mean, Transfiguration was founded on the principles of magic circles! I'm not really sure what these runes on the side mean, but it's probably not important.”

“I seriously doubt that,” Peter retorted, “Remus, back me up here.”

He turned towards Lupin, but he had long since dozed off, arms crossed as he leaned against one of the nearly decaying walls in the corner. Peter sighed, taking a piece of paper from the ground and crumpling it into a ball before promptly throwing it in the sleeping boy's face. Lupin jolted awake, realizing what had happened and chucking the paper back at Peter in annoyance.

“Not a moment of peace,” he huffed under his breath.

“Sounds awfully boring,” James said over his shoulder.

“Blimey, what time is it?” Remus said, panicked as he noticed the light had completely gone from the sky, “It's long past sundown.”

“So?” Sirius shrugged.

“So, we told (Y/n) we'd meet them to work on the map at dusk,” Remus said, “They're probably looking for us right now!”

“Oh, they are,” you announced your presence, an unimpressed look on your face as they jumped, whipping around to look at you.

“(Y-Y/n)!” Sirius stuttered, “how did you—”

You held up the map, raising a brow at the four guilty looking boys.

“Right. . .”

“You snuck into our rooms?!” James said incredulously as he saw the map, which he was sure he had left on his bedside table, in your hands.

“You've snuck into my shower before, Potter,” you glared lightly at him.

“Point taken.”

“Okay, look, I'm sorry we didn't show tonight, and I know we've been acting weird,” Sirius sighed, “the truth is—”

“Lupin's a werewolf.”

The color drained from Remus' face, slightly mortified that you already knew.

“Come on, guys,” you said, “the claw marks and you lot disappearing whenever there's a full moon kind of gave it away. You aren't exactly subtle about it.”

You could sense the intense nervousness in the room, especially from Remus. Ok, so maybe coming right out with it wasn't the best course of action.

“Look,” you said, “if you're worried about anyone else finding out, they won't. I mean, the only reason I even knew you were here is because I'm literally helping you make a magical map that details all the secret passages and shows where everyone is. I won't tell anyone, I swear.”

They still seemed a little unsure, and you bit the inside of your lip slightly.

“If it'll make us even, I'll let you know a secret of my own,” you said, “it can even be future blackmail me if you really don't trust me.”

“No, it's not that, (Y/n),” Remus said as he stepped forward, his throat feeling dry, “it's just, well, I've never really told anyone except the people in this room. Having someone else know. . . it's just a lot to process, but if had to be anyone I'm glad it's you.” He paused for a moment, feeling oddly self-conscious as he regarded you. “When I turn into a werewolf I can't recognize any human as someone I know. I have no control over myself in that state. In the worst case scenario, I could injure or even kill someone I didn't mean to. We originally started taking note of the secret passages and rooms to find a place where I could turn safely and not hurt anyone, and we settled on here. I don't remember much when I come out of it, but. . . I do feel this painful sense of separation each time. Werewolves are pack creatures by nature, so being isolated in that state is. . . agony, if I must be honest. They all figured, I can't recognize humans, but perhaps I could recognize other animals, so. . .”

“They're trying to become animagi,” you finished, “so you won't have to be alone. That's. . . that's actually really sweet,” you said, a breathy laugh escaping you.

Remus thanked Merlin the Shrieking Shack was as dimly lit as it was so his beet red face was at least somewhat less noticeable.

“I agree,” Remus said, turning to his friends and sharing a rare, genuine moment with them. “And, you don't have to tell us your secret,” he said, turning back to you, “it's okay.”

“Hey, I wanted to know,” Sirius said, Peter swiftly elbowing him in the ribs.

“I was actually planning on telling you anyways,” you said, “If you guys are trying to become animagi, I can help you.”

You took a few steps back, bracing yourself against the wall.

“Promise me you won't freak out.”

After receiving a few quick nods, you kicked off the wall. Your body seemed to morph in mid-air, shrinking and re-configuring so fast that by the time you landed on the floor you had been entirely replaced by a large, (e/c)-eyed wolf with fur reminiscent of your hair.

Peter yelped, instinctively putting Sirius in front of him who was gawking at the sight. Remus was in complete shock and you could have sworn you saw James' glasses slip down his face.

In your animal form your heightened senses could sense their fear, and you tried your best to assuage it. You padded around in a circle, sitting down and blinking up at them to try and show them you were in control of your actions. After you figured they'd seen enough, you crawled back into your robes, which had pooled on the floor when you'd transfigured, and willed your body to turn back.

James, Sirius, and Peter looked somewhere in the intersection of shocked and terrified, but Remus looked nothing less than impressed.

“That's amazing, (Y/n),” he said breathlessly, “your transformation was seamless, how long have you had this ability?”

“My aunt had me go through the process when I was nine,” you said, a bitter edge to your voice as you fastened your clothes back around you, “it's not fun, but obviously useful. And thank you, but trust me, it didn't come at all naturally to me. I spent a good part of my winter break stuck with a wolf's hind legs, which is just as inconvenient as it sounds.”

“But this proves that it's possible!” James said, a new rush of energy invigorating him, “we can actually pull this off.”

“If I can manage to keep this sodding leaf from choking me every ten minutes,” Peter grumbled.

“Here, this should help with that,” you said, drawing your wand and pointing it at Peter's mouth. With a simple sticking charm, he suddenly felt the odd sensation of the leaf in his mouth disappearing, only to find it had melded with the flesh on the underside of his tongue.

“It's a long process, but yes, it's possible,” you said to James. Your eyes drifted to the floor where the magic circle and pages of runes were still scattered about, “if you were thinking of taking shortcuts, you might have wanted to read the warning about this spell requiring a blood sacrifice.”

The quartet paled and you laughed at their dumbstruck expressions.

“Kidding,” you grinned, “but seriously, there's no shortcuts. Now look alive, boys. We have a lot of work to do.”

_________________________________________________________

From then on, you helped the four wizards along on their quest to become fully fledged shifters.

“In order to become an animagus, a wizard must keep a Mandrake leaf in their mouth for an entire month, even when eating and sleeping,” Peter read aloud from the book they'd snatched from the restricted section, “Next, under a full moon, the wizard must place the leaf in a vial full of dew that has neither been stepped on nor exposed to the sun. The resulting potion must be stored in a dark place, and the following incantation: Amato Animo Animato Animagus, must be recited every morning until an electrical storm arrives, at which point the potion can be taken.”

“Blimey, all that to turn into a bloody cat?” Sirius said, exasperated.

“Well we have the first part almost done,” James said, feeling the faintest outline of the leaf still under his tongue, “Next full moon we'll have to go dew-hunting, I suppose. Looks like you'll have to stick it out for a few more cycles, Moony,” he said to Remus.

“That's alright,” he said, “I've made it this far.”

“He won't be alone for those,” you said, “I'll spend the full moons with him until you guys are ready.”

“What?” James said, looking at you like you'd just told him you were off to join Voldemort, “not a chance, that's way too dangerous.”

“Aw, don't act like you're all concerned about me all of a sudden, Potter,” you smirked. When his expression didn't change it took you aback slightly. He was actually worried about you. “Look, I'm probably the best suited for it anyways,” you said, coughing a bit to coast through the awkward tension, “Remus and I are both wolves, or at least partly. If one of you end up turning into a sheep or something you might be dead meat, not to freak you out or anything.”

“That's reassuring,” Sirius said under his breath.

____________________________________________________________

“You really don't have to do this,” Lupin insisted as you sat on the floor together in the Shrieking Shack later that month.

“I want to,” you assured him, “take it as a thanks for helping me pass Arithmancy. Besides, it's a perfectly fine excuse for me to practice interacting with other animals in my animagus form.”

The boy beside you was quiet for a moment, shoulders tense and jaw set tight. It wasn't that he wasn't happy you were here, he was more grateful than you could know, but he was terrified that he was going to end up hurting you. On top of that was the fact that he didn't want you to see him as he transformed. It wasn't pretty, and it was visibly painful. He didn't want you to think any lower of him, though he knew that fear was irrational.

The calming jazz record that spun on the other side of the room was the only noise between you two for quite some time, but you understood that he needed time to gather his thoughts. This was something so deeply personal you were surprised and a bit honored he allowed you to be here at all. You noticed the photograph that he held in his hands; it was of Hogwarts, taken from the very edge of the forest. The sun was peeking over the horizon, spilling out between the complexly constructed towers that made up the castle's exterior, and casting a warm, golden hue over the landscape.

“It's beautiful,” you said, “the picture.”

“It is,” Remus smiled to himself and nodded, “James gave it to me, as a reminder. He said that matter what happens during the full moon, the sun will always rise on us again.”

“Huh,” you mused softly, “perhaps he isn't such an insufferable jerk after all.”

“Oh, no, he is,” Lupin chuckled, “but he is also a very good friend, and endlessly thoughtful even if he denies it.”

You let that sink in for a moment. You supposed he was.

“Well,” you said, laughing a bit as you shifted in your seat, “this isn't as deep and meaningful as the photo, but I brought something for you.” You reached into your bag, retrieving something that made Remus' eyes widen.

“Where did you get that?” he said, elated as you held out his favorite chocolate bar which had been out of stock at Hogsmeade for weeks now.

“You guys have a secret tunnel that goes right to the Honeydukes cellar and you've never taken advantage of their storage?” you grinned.

Lupin hesitated as he held the bar in his hands.

“So you stole it?”

“I left five dracma in the tip jar,” you rolled your eyes, “I'm not a death eater.”

His smiled returned at that, and he ripped open the familiar foil gratefully.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

“It's the least I could do,” you said.

“It's really not,” he said, turning to face you fully. You were left a bit breathless as the unexpected intensity of his eyes. “None of this is the least you could do, because the least you could do is nothing,” he continued, rambling, “we were so horrible to someone you consider a dear friend, and you were willing to look past that. You're risking your life by even being with me right now, (Y/n).”

“You don't—”

“I do know that,” Remus said sharply, “I've never been in contact with anyone as a werewolf. The one time I was, I. . .” he trailed off, and it hurt you to see his pained expression, “I just don't know how I'll react.”

“You're saying that as if something bad's already happened,” you said gently, “it'll be okay.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked quietly, equally full of frustration and admiration.

“I'm willing to put my trust in you, Remus. I think it's time you put some trust in yourself.”

Lupin's heart pounded a little harder in his chest. Had you ever called him by his first name before? You looked at him so reassuringly, so confidently. He couldn't understand it, but your words reached him to his core.

“(Y/n). . .” he trailed off, blinking rapidly. A shaky breath escaped him, and your stomach dropped.

“Remus?”

Suddenly you saw something shift in him. His breathing became heavy and his pupils dilated, completely filling his irises in a matter of seconds. He braced himself against the wall as he stumbled to his feet, his skin slowly taking on a gray hue.

“It's happening,” he said, voice deeper and strained, his neck convulsing, “you have to transform, now!”

You didn't waste any time, taking the shape of your wolf form and padding away a cautionary distance. Your stomach churned as you watched Remus yell out, his expression full of pain as his body grew in size, his cries slowly becoming reminiscent of howls. His face contorted in agony as his head morphed into a more animalistic shape, ears growing from his scalp and fur appearing as if his werewolf was fully formed inside him, physically escaping through his skin. You've seen werewolves before, but seeing someone you know actually turn into one, it was completely different. Nothing could have prepared you for this. Seeing anyone in this much pain made your chest tighten harshly.

At last it seemed the transformation was complete. Remus Lupin was gone, and in front of you stood a creature of at least eight feet, perched on his hind legs and towering over you especially in your animal form. You could hear how ragged his breathing had become, his body convulsing with the motion; growing and retracting like a beating heart. You heard a whimper escape his throat, and you could tell he was still recovering from the pain.

You steeled yourself, making the decision to alert him to your presence subtly. You tilted your head upwards, releasing a similar sounding whimper to his. Immediately the werewolf across from you was on high alert, his head snapping towards you and his lips pulling back into a snarl as his ears lowered. You took an instinctive step back, lowering your head slowly. He seemed puzzled by your behavior, which made sense seeing as Lupin told you he never interacted with any other animals during the full moon. His head tilted inquisitively and he took a heavy step forward. You forced yourself to not back away, testing the waters. His eyes narrowed again as he saw you standing your ground, but you quickly sat down, your head tilting to expose your neck slightly. You made doubly sure not to show any signs of aggression; you knew you had no chance against a werewolf at full strength.

However, he seemed to take your queues well. His tail seemed to relax a bit, his eyes returning to their full, round shape as he looked at you with curiosity. You sniffed up at him and he hesitated, but eventually circled around you and did the same. You could almost see the turmoil in him, as a werewolf you doubted anyone he came across treated him with anything less than terror in their eyes, but you were completely relaxed.

He whimpered again, and you were shocked at the sign of submission. You rose to your feet, and he didn't back away. You let out a friendly yip, which he returned, and you felt the weight lift off your chest. You leaped to the side, and he followed you, running alongside you as you bounded across the room, practically leaping off the walls. You jumped at each other playfully, rolling across the floor in a mess of fur. You smiled inwardly as this continued throughout the night, no longer seeing fear or pain or aggression in his eyes when you looked into them. Even if he wouldn't remember most of this, you hoped he would at least feel better in the morning than all the times he had to go through it alone.

Exhausted from all the playing around, you padded softly back to your robes, crawling inside yours and and gesturing over to him with your head. He followed you, coming down to all fours before laying beside you. You weren't sure when sleep came over you, but it was like the world's most comfortable blanket had been thrown over your shoulders, and your eyes drifted closed of their own volition. . .

“Merlin's beard, just what were you two doing last night?!”

You and Remus both jolted awake at the sound of James Potter's aggravatingly loud voice but quickly came to your senses. Remus' arms were wrapped around you, your back facing him. You were just barely covered by your robes with nothing underneath as a result of your transformation. As you scrambled to get decent your face heated even more as you saw Remus was currently without a shirt, his pants ripped considerably. You scrambled away from each other, trying to make yourselves decent.

Peter was howling with laughter, James looking smug as ever. Sirius was oddly quiet, but you were too wrapped up in the embarrassment to notice his behavior.

“What was that about being 'endlessly thoughtful'?” you grumbled to Remus.

“Right, I completely take back what I said,” he scoffed, “ 'insufferable jerk' is much more accurate.”

“Close your eyes, you perverted git!” you yelled at James, who was blatantly staring at you, “toss me my clothes at least, would you?”

James bit back a smirk as he grabbed your bag that was sitting in the corner of the room— clothes you had brought with the intention of changing into after returning to your human form when Lupin fell asleep. He tossed it over to you and you began to change under your robes. As his back was turned to you his mind began to wander. You'd always been attractive, sure, but since you'd always been his rival he hadn't really given you a second thought, especially when he'd been trying to get Lily's attention for ages. But just now, thinking about how downright adorable you looked when you'd yelled at him, something in him shifted. He shook it off quickly, turning to Lupin with a grin he'd managed to put on concernedly fast.

“You cheeky bastard,” he said to Remus, who was furiously changing into a new shirt, “you just wanted her alone, didn't you? Do you really need us to become animagi after all?”

“You're the worst, Potter,” the werewolf glared at him.

“Don't listen to him, Remus,” you grumbled, straightening out your tie as you slipped it on over your shirt, “he's an even bigger idiot than he looks.”

“Are you implying I look stupid?”

“Implying may not be a strong enough word.”

__________________________________________________________

It had taken months of brewing the potion and getting all the necessary preparations in order, but they were finally ready. Remus sat with you in the grass, wand at the ready to undo any untoward transfiguration that happened on accident. Peter, Sirius, and James stood across from you, standing at the edge of a stone ledge about five feet off the ground. You'd said that a leap of faith is what would best trigger their first transformation. They looked nervous, but they were prepared as they'd ever be. Over the last year you had grown considerably closer to the four boys you had miraculously come to know as friends.

“Remember, focus on your emotions,” you said, “you need to pick a strong one, let it fill your body and flow through you. If you block the magic off from any part of your body, it's not going to be pretty.”

“Right, but how do I—”

“James, I swear, I'm really rooting for you to be a mute animal.”

“But how do you choose-”

“Just do it already!”

“Oh, sod it,” James squeezed his eyes shut, not giving himself time to second guess before jumping off the ledge. For a moment he was certain he was about to land face first in the dirt, but then it happened— a moment where time seemed to freeze and his body felt completely weightless. He felt this sensation where his arms and legs vibrated with an intense, foreign energy. Images flashed through his mind in that brief moment in the air; Sirius manically laughing as they ran away from Filch, Remus snapping off a piece of chocolate to offer him after he'd lost Gryffindor a Quidditch match, and, unexpectedly, you. A feeling of warmth spread through his chest, and he grasped onto it, letting it flow through his body like you said. In an instant he felt torso shift, his shoulders narrow, his neck elongate; and when he landed on the ground he still landed face-first as he predicted, but in a completely different form.

He could see you and Lupin in front of him, mouths agape. He was about to say something when he found his vocal chords only allowed him a gruff whine. Shocked, he lifted his head, which felt much heavier than he'd last recalled, and as he looked down at himself he was taken aback to be met with a pair of hooves right beneath him. He staggered to his feet on wobbly legs, of which he now had four. As he tilted his head he could see the shadow of a pair of antlers twisting into brilliant shadows on the grass.

“Potter, you did it!” you exclaimed, “you actually did it!”

“Well how about that,” Remus chuckled, “a stag.”

“It fits him, I think,” you grinned, looking over at Sirius and Peter who looked determined and terrified respectively. “Well go on, it's your turn now!”

Sirius braced himself for the jump, but somehow he found no fear in his system. After seeing James shift in the air right before his eyes, he knew he could do it. He looked over at Peter who was nearly shaking.

“Come on, Peter,” he said, “we'll go together.”

“I-I don't know about this, Sirius,” Peter said, “I'm not ready, I don't think I can do this.”

“It's just a little jump,” Sirius said encouragingly, “you can do this.”

After a few nerve wracking deep breaths Peter gave him the smallest nod one could manage.

“We'll go on three,” Sirius said, “Ready? One—”

“AaHH!”

Sirius shoved Peter off the ledge, knowing he wouldn't jump on his own, before taking the plunge himself. Peter's screams became higher and higher pitched as he shrank at an alarming speed, almost an undetectable size by the time he hit the grass. A small brown rat scurried across the field towards you and Lupin.

The stag in front of you made a sound, dragging his hooves across the grass in what you could imagine as James' unadulterated laughter at his friend.

Sirius began to morph almost as soon as he left the ground, something you were surprised by. He landed on his hind legs, landing gracefully as his front two followed, and a shaggy black dog looked back at you with mischief in its eyes.

You couldn't help but go over and pet him. You laughed as he nudged you with his nose, a resistance that was quickly halted as soon as you started scratching him behind the ears.

“I have to say, I didn't think you would actually manage that on your first try,” you said, secretly prouder than they could have known, “but if anyone could have done it, it's you three stubborn goons.”

James huffed as he saw you continue to pet Sirius, using his antlers to prod the dog out of the way. Sirius barked, lunging at him playfully. It was quite a scene to see the two interact.

“Honestly, this is a pretty solid group,” you said, “you've got James who blends perfectly with the surrounding wildlife so he wouldn't be suspicions, Sirius who could probably do a fair bit of damage as a dog if he needed, and Peter who can fit through small spaces and snoop around the castle virtually undetected.”

“Quite an odd pack,” Remus chuckled.

“Definitely,” you agreed, “but a pack nonetheless.”

And that very week, Remus Lupin was able to spend his first night as a werewolf with his four friends by his side.

__________________________________________________________

“So, how did we choose which animals we turn into?” James had asked you the next day at breakfast, “I specifically tried for a dragon.”

“You don't get to choose,” you rolled your eyes, “You're a stag, that's the end of it. It's pretty much up to chance.”

“I'm sorry, you're telling me I could have turned into a fish and died right there on the ground?!”

“If only,” you sighed dreamily, earning you a playful shove from James. “Alright, it's not completely random, but you're definitely in the unknown the first time you turn,” you went on to explain, “and once you turn for the first time, that's it. That's your animal. A wizard takes on the animagus form of whatever animal most closely resembles their personality. So, a horny bastard for James, a loyal little puppy for Sirius—”

“A bitch for you,” Sirius quipped.

“Never heard that one before,” you scoffed, purposefully messing up his hair.

“Hey, watch it!” he shoved you off him, twisting each of his curls back into form.

“Well, look who's a high maintenance pup,” you chuckled.

Around the same time that year, you finally completed the map. It came together beautifully, each different way of folding the paper revealing a different level of the castle for easy navigation. You'd included the surrounding forests as well as the parts of Hogsmeade that applied for the secret passageways, all of which were marked with symbols and the unique names you'd all come up with. Every student and staff member at Hogwarts had a tiny scroll with their name that appeared in their location. Remus had added the nice detail of including footprints at the last second, so you could see which way they were facing and walking as well. It was fireproof, rip proof, and prone to insulting anyone else who tried to read it. It was the pinnacle of your magical (and slightly illegal) achievement.

“We should write our names on it,” James said, looking down proudly at the finished map, “it belongs to us, after all. We don't want anyone else taking the credit.”

“Yeah, fantastic way to get caught,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “what if Filch comes across it? That's like leaving your signature at a murder scene.”

“You should use code names, then,” you suggested, “I know you guys call Remus 'Moony' as a joke, but I kind of like it.”

The scarred boy blushed lightly at the compliment, a brow raised to his other three friends.

“Alright then, I guess you should all say hi to Rudolph over here,” Sirius said, jutting his thumb in James' direction. The bespectacled boy narrowed his eyes before shooting back.

“Right! And this is my good friend, Snuffles.”

Sirius lunged at him and James swatted him away in laughter.

“Come on, you two,” Remus said, “or we won't put anything down for you at all.”

“I've got an idea for Peter,” you piped in, “When my mom used to garden she said she didn't mind having rats there because their tails resembled worms, which were an old a sign of healthy soil, I know it's odd, but I think Wormtail sounds pretty cool.”

Peter seemed to perk up at your acknowledgment and nodded. It suited him somehow.

“Should we pick animal features too, then?” James mused, “I guess Antlers doesn't really sound that cool. What's another word? Horns? Give me some analogies, guys. What else do they look like?”

“Yours honestly kind of look like a couple of bent forks,” you snickered.

“Prongs?” Sirius snorted, the laughter that followed nearly splitting his sides.

“Oh, go on, what have you got then?” James scoffed.

“I was thinking Padfoot,” Sirius said, “like a dog's paw prints.”

“You know, for someone who was just making fun of code names a second ago you sure have given a lot of thought to yours,” you teased.

“Shove it,” he smirked, “What about you? Can't very well have a second Moony.”

You stared at him in momentary disbelief.

“Me?”

“Well, yeah,” Sirius chuckled.

“We couldn't have done any of this without you,” Remus reminded you with a smile.

“I think you've more than earned an honorary title as one of us,” James said.

“That is, if you want to,” Peter said timidly.

You looked at the four of them, genuinely touched.

“I. . . I don't know what to say,” you smiled.

“You could say 'yes',” James piped up.

“Alright, you loons,” you laughed, “if you leave Severus alone for good, then yes.”

“Hey, I think we've been pretty good about that lately,” James pouted.

“Yes you have,” you admitted, “It's the only reason I bothered to give you the time of day, but this time it's a promise.”

James rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face was undeniable. He'd never admit it out loud, but being friends with you was more fun than messing with Snape ever was.

“Alright, fine. (Y/n) (L/n), I solemnly swear that I will leave tormenting our dear old friend Snivelus behind us forever,” he said dramatically, putting a hand up at his pledge.

“Oh, bother,” you laughed, “the only thing you'll 'solemnly swear' to is that you're up to no good.”

“I'll take that as a compliment.”

“Then that's settled,” Remus smiled, “you'll need a code name too.”

“Let's see,” Sirius hummed in thought, “What other defining features do wolves have besides. . . well, their. . . fangs?”

“They're canines, you numbnut,” you huffed.

“Close enough, I'm writing Fangs.”

“Oi, I didn't agree to that!”

“Too bad, I'm already writing it~”

“Okay, well if that's the stupid name I'm getting saddled with them I'm going to write it myself,” you said stubbornly. You actually didn't mind the name at all.

“Well that's it, then,” James said, “Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and Fangs. We could join the bloody circus.”

“All we need is a group name,” you said, half joking.

“We've already got one,” James said proudly.

“Oh? Let's hear it, then.”

“The Marauders.”

“. . .”

You kept your face straight for exactly three seconds before you burst out laughing. The four boys flushed with embarrassment.

“The Marauders?” you chortled, “what are you, pirates?”

“It's what McGonnagall called us the first time we got ourselves into proper trouble,” James defended himself, his cheeks reddening, “You rowdy mob of marauders, she'd said.”

“Huh,” you chuckled, coming down from your laughing fit, “Well, then I suppose that would make this The Marauders Map. I'll admit, it actually kinda has a ring to it.”

And despite your group's joking quips and bickering, they couldn't agree more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait,” Harry said, eyes wide at your story, “So, my dad was an animagus too?”

“Sure was,” you smiled warmly.

“This whole time I thought 'Prongs' was just because his patronus was a stag.”

“Your animagus form is usually the same animal as your patronus,” you explained, “In some very rare cases they can be different, but they work in the same emotionally driven vein of magical ability, so it would make sense that they'd be linked. Your father was extraordinary at both, because as much as he would deny it, he felt everything very deeply.”

Your eyes drifted to the wall opposite you in the living room, and a small but sad smile graced your features.

“Love is often the most powerful emotion a witch or wizard can draw from,” you said softly, “but you already know that.”

Harry followed your gaze over his shoulder. There, posted on the wall among a collage of photographs from the Order was a picture of his mother and father. It was one he'd seen a hundred times, and one he had his own copy of: them in each others' arms in a London park, autumn leaves swirling around them as they danced without any music. Even from this distance he could see the emotion in their eyes as they looked at one another— like they were the only two people in the world.

“Yeah,” Harry said, wiping a stray tear from his eyes, “I do.”

Read chapter 7 here!

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