#or do you guys only care about preaching when it's convenient for you

[redvelvetwishtree]

princekouta

[emptymanuscript]

Laugh rule gets this one posted.

Mostly I am annoyed that anyone in this story is relevant to… well… anything.

In case you live in a saner world than me, what’s happened on the right is a tiny hissy fit over Kyle Rittenhouse (found legally not guilty of murder for the people he killed) saying he didn’t endorse Trump (found guilty of some of his ever rising tide of crimes) and was going to write in Ron Paul (who, as far as I am aware, is not running) for President. MAGA was not ok with this and proceeded to bully Rittenhouse until he announced he had been wildly misinformed about the only issue he cares about, second amendment rights, and both fully endorses and will vote for Trump.

I would say that Ron Paul is the most decent person in this story BUT (and before the but doesn’t count) that’s Paul’s schtick. Paul, back when he had political relevancy, had a real lock on the compassionate conservative libertarian space. Before MAGA coalesced into the cult of Trump, a lot of the people who would become Trumpers backed Paul.

Paul is actually the guy that let me figure out what dog whistle, not saying the quiet part out loud, love for the good is hate with a thin layer of varnish on it, etc. really meant.

I supported Paul back in the day before I got it. I don’t entirely remember why. Probably mostly because he claimed to be philosophically opposed to the regulation of individual choice, for education & “reasoned” operation of government, and for bipartisanship. I’m sure it didn’t hurt that he was a doctor and, while I am still generally pro-doctor (as in pro-science vs conspiracy theories), I had a significantly higher opinion of doctors back then. I hadn’t quite escaped putting them all on pedestals as a legacy of my father’s legendary status in my family.

But then I was watching a debate I believe and he was talking about deregulation of the medical and insurance fields. Essentially preaching what the wealthy and powerful call “self insurance” which really means no insurance, if you have the money you pay for care and if you don’t, you’re SOL.

He got challenged by the moderator about what should happen to a person with nothing at an emergency room. Should we just let them die?

And one of his supporters in the crowd stands up and shouts yeah, let them die. Like I said, MAGA before it became MAGA.

And it clicked for me.

Paul’s job was to promote that horrific point of view, LET THEM DIE, in a way that would sound like that murderous hatred of the other was sweet benevolent wisdom. That the LOVE he preached as his campaign slogan (revolution backwards with love highlighted in red) was the love of a jealous god hierarchy that existed to promote itself at the expense of the suffering and lives of others. All the OTHER. Submit to the boot or be stamped out and if you get stamped out, well, that’s your fault isn’t it. You should have submitted better. It’s the love of the abusive parent who complains that you made them do this to you. Or that you asked for it because of your lifestyle and clothing. Or some people races are just born bad and it’s the white man’s burden to guide (the good ones) and cull the herd. Not what I would call love at all.

The audience member had said the quiet part out loud. But the realization that hit me was that Paul was always saying the quiet part to those who knew how to listen. That was the real message. We were born with ours. Fuck everybody else. That’s the entire point. Take away the safety rails and it will all just sort itself out because that’s what the safety rails are really for: keeping the people without advantage from being crushed.

At which point I was done with Paul and pretty much all the compassionate bullshit.

There’s a reason Rittenhouse endorsed (someone like) Paul. It sounds nice. It sounds like not a cult. But it’s just the lipstick on the same pig. It’s the belief that might = right and we’ll make that sound ok by just talking about the “right” stuff and conveniently ignoring how that’s going to play out and the costs involved. It’s perfectly Rittenhouse. He had the might to pick up his AR and travel across state lines to violently “defend” what he thought was right and if he killed a few black people doing it… well… that was his right because he had the might to do it and the second amendment zealots got him off scott free to protect their own rights to exercise their might however they wanted. Because fuck you, you should have been born a better and more submissive person. But please don’t think I’m a bad person. I’m a good person. I’m right. It’s your job to suffer and your objections make me uncomfortable. They FEEL like you could be trying to take away my rights for your benefit.

So, I laugh at despondent Ron Paul losing the Rittenhouse endorsement but it’s like laughing at covfefe. It’s a moment of obvious weirdness in the midst of all the horror. Like, why would anyone care? No one should care. Ha ha. Weirdos. Which, in a saner world, is all any of these people would be able to do: make us laugh at them. It’s just not a particularly sane world because they have way too much power. And their might is going to keep on giving them the right until they are all as irrelevant as Ron Paul.

May it happen this coming year.

May they live next year in irrelevance. And dwell there forever more.

May we live next year in a saner world.

[bradleymarshall]

Tired

Look mate, Imma just be real, I never wanted to play games. We all have it hard in life.

I've done my part and helped you as much as I can. Done things all on your terms. But I know damn well that my help is definitely replaceable, and you're not doing a good job at telling me otherwise. Way to make a friend feel invisible.

But it really angered me when you seemed to imply that I am a priority just because you talk to me more than your father.

Dude, all we talk about is you. Every time I end up mentioning something about my life, it gets lost in the abyss of our conversations, to the point where I numerously have to bring up things so you actually remember things in my life. It's no wonder you bring up Elaine when we talk about this situation. You know damn well what you're doing.

You see, I always wondered how someone who is so perceptive needs a constant reminder of the stuff that's going on in my life. It then occurred to me that some people just conveniently forget the things they don't care enough to remember.

Sometimes it's no wonder why I resort to playing games, or constantly send longer paragraphs, or even in worst case scenario, make you doubt yourself or insult you, the way I have in the past. Those are the only ways to provoke a reaction out of you so the conversation becomes equal. Haven't you noticed how readily and quickly you reply when the conversation is like that?

It didn't make sense to me before why whilst i was being optimistic, you still were adamant there would be entropy in our friendship. I'm over you, I'm done and ready to make boundaries, but of course, this shit called a relationship is meant to be two-sided. But one person wasn't really considerate of the other. Like no shit you were gonna say that, the one who lights the fire is going to smell the smoke. The smoke of complacency.

Yeah man, that's the real deal here. It's not just the making time. I feel like nothing around you. Your compliments mean jack all. it's just empty words. I already know I'm deep, creative or whatever you have to say. Apart from when I've had really really serious situations happen to me, not once have I felt like i could say "oh yeah Mason is a true friend. He'd be there for me."

These bosses of yours, or selfish people and those who are hungry for power, money you name it. They don't give a shit about anyone except themselves. You call yourself more religious now, believing in god. Preach his words, learning to love thy neighbour and experiencing love in a community that is not something you intend to make money off, something that isn't involving just personal gain to you. Having a sense of unity. That's not something you're gonna automatically get once you've "made it".

Man, I just wanted to feel respected or seen. You make me feel the complete opposite. It's not just about having "time". I've told you how to compromise, how you should treat a friend. Things I didn't think I'd need to be teaching a 25 year old man. It sucks because there are moments where it almost feels like things are getting better, and you genuinely care. But then we're back it again at square and I feel dumbfounded because suddenly I'm being your therapist with no form of reciprocation.

i have my struggles too. I was really upset more than i thought about hearing L making it into med. I know from the bottom of my heart that he is not a good guy, and I wont curse him for making it in but I know so many people in that position. I also came out to the girl who I had a feeling liked me, which was stressful because I didn't know how to go about it, and she was a cool person. Turns out I was right, and she did have feelings for me. I hate that I'm right because I always know when a girl likes me and it makes me cringe. I bet you don't even remember, but I've mentioned this girl to you already. Among many other more important things I've pretty much been upset or really happy about but yet again, just gets lost in the abyss.

I'm really worried about money too as I only have 2000 in my savings and while I've given 20k to my brother and my parents I know both are not in positions to give that back to me and so I can't really afford to enjoy myself these days. We all have it hard in life Brad. Every single one of us.

I always lent an ear and been a helping hand and I really don't think I'm asking much of you. Man, I've even been willing to compromise for things most friends would not be we willing to do. Where's my end of the bargain?

I'm not sorry that you can't profit off me, or that I'm not some business investment, since those are the things you consider productive working towards. I'm worth a lot more than that, and I think a true friend would realise and not take advantage of me.

[magnificentsapcaddy]

Putting this on my tumblr because nobody reads or cares what I have to say on tumblr: I have a real thorn up my ass about the discourse du jour on how you can't be queer and Christian, and especially so because it's coming from fellow queers and not Christians.

I'll step out in front of all the arguments you may want to make and say that, yes, as an institution, Christianity is bad. It's an evil institution. I'll say that freely and without objection. But the crucial thing to note is that Christianity as an institution and world power is not the same as Christianity as a religion. People have been beaten, murdered, an raped in the name of Christianity, but that does not make those tenets of the faith any more than the murder of Palestinian children is a tenet of Judaism. Because those in power use religion as a cudgel. It's a convenient way to get people in line. It's the ultimate appeal to authority; any political dissidents are sinners and infidels and thus ontologically evil. Swap out Christianity for any other faith and you get the same results.

And yes, churches are evil. All of them. Yes, even your church with the green-haired, tattooed, guitar-playing they/them pastor, and yes, especially the one your aunt preaches in. The purpose of the church in our society is not to bring people spiritual comfort or to discuss the nuances of the afterlife and our purpose for existing; the purpose of the church is to control the masses and point them towards a common scapegoat enemy so that class solidarity is impossible. The purpose is to stir up hate against gay people or black people or Mexicans so that you never stop to think your straight, white, American boss who just bought his eighth Bugatti is the one who's really fucking you other. The purpose is to make you feel like the church is the only trustworthy place in the universe, and that maybe if you tithe a little harder you'll be assured a place in Heaven when you die. The church has nothing to do with Christianity. Christianity is a pretense that they use to make you fear for your soul and hate your fellow man. Uncountably many cults have sprouted up on this exact same idea with different window dressing.

WITH THAT SAID:

This does not make Christianity "the bad religion" or "the evil religion". The thing that's driving this diatribe is this tweet that got popular that said, in effect, "how can you be queer and Christian in 2023" with a quote tweet reading "the only two people replying to this are the Protestants saying 'ermmm my church (the Unified Southern Prebyluther Church of Devotion) allows women to be preachers!' and the Catholics saying 'yes, I am aberrant in God's eyes and a sadomasochist'," and sorry to be the guy who takes a tweet to seriously and get internet mad, but, well, here we are. Viewing the entirety of Christianity as The Catholic Church and The Many Churches of Protestantism is grossly reductive. I have made my stance on churches clear, and will say with my chest that all churches are fascist institutions.

But what the fascists cannot take from us is the Bible. They can translate it and quote it and recontextualize it, but they cannot keep it from us. They cannot keep the fact that the Book of Ruth is a story about homosexual love and mutual aid away. They cannot steal the fact that the self-sacrifice of Jesus Christ means that all our wrongs will be forgiven. They cannot take away the fact that, when Cain asked God if he was his brother's keeper, the next thousand-some pages of the Bible are God replying "yes".

And this is something that gay Christians and trans Christians and all the other queer Christians have had to relearn and reckon with over years, because growing up, all we're told by the mainstream churches is that being queer is sinful, and when we look into the faith itself, we find a God who loves queer people. God does not tolerate gay people or forgive trans people for their transness: God loves queers. God loves faggots and God loves dykes and God loves trannies. God loves bears and twinks and pups and pigs and leather daddies, because God made them and put them on the earth to fuck and fist and love one another, and that's beautiful. It's not cowering and trying to conform; it's a completely radical act. It's saying to the suburban Christofascists, "I know your god better than you do, and I know your god loves me more than you."

And that's why it makes me so mad to see gay people acting like it's backwards to be gay and Christian. I don't speak for everyone, of course - I'm sure there are dozens if not hundreds of gay Christians who think that God loves them despite their gayness, not because of it , and I hope they come to their senses soon - but this is not an act of complacency. We are not coping or trying to fit in. "But Christianity is homophobic!" they jeer. Christians are, and Christian churches are, but I hold that the faith is not. "But the Bible says man shall not lay with man!" they say. Do they think we don't know that? Do they think they don't know that the primary translation of our faith says that God hates us, when the original text does not? We've done our research. We know the original meaning, and we know it's been translated to work against us, and we know that is the fault of men, not of God.

I guess I want to end this by saying, no, gay Christians are not persecuted, because persecutions against Christians is not something that happens in the West outside of your Qanon uncle's septuply forwarded emails. But it is still a shitty thing to do to say that a person's faith is wrong, especially when it's a faith they've had to work hard to find solace in, and especially when they are just trying to keep to themselves and not proselytize like an ass. And, of course, all respect to all the queer people who aren't Christians or have been subject to abuse at the hands of Christians - I'm more sorrowful beyond words that monsters and cretins who proclaim to worship my god would do that to you.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

I read your headcanons about James Potter and I’m really interested to hear your thoughts Sirius and regulus Black pls pls pls

Oh no.

Alright, strap in people, because I’m about to say some things that nobody will like.

Let’s start in alphabetical order with Regulus. 

Fandom often sees Regulus as a reformed Death Eater, the redeemed villain, or else a cooler suaver version of Sirius steeped in pure blood culture, making him more palatable than many pureblood characters as a love interest. There’s a lot of fics of him having almost defeated Voldemort, coming back from the dead and actually defeating Voldemort, reconnecting with Sirius, showing Harry the cool pureblood ways without being racist, etc.

Well, I don’t really buy into any of that.

I think, even with his defection, Regulus was likely still a very racist character and never really disavowed the cause. True, he was young when he was sucked in, he had his whole family meltdown when Sirius was disowned and suddenly he was heir, but I do think he really did believe in blood purism and nothing from the books suggests that he died not believing in it. He just stopped believing in Voldemort.

Instead, I believe he discovered that Voldemort a) did not mean anything good for his culture and b) Voldemort was a fraud.

What do I mean by that?

Well, in the first case, I’ve always viewed Tom Riddle in that period in time as a hate filled nihilist who doesn’t really believe in what he preaches. It’s just convenient to him as the purebloods are the ones with the money and the power. There’s no point in him appealing to Dumbledore’s ilk as they’re far less likely to be able to make him king (also it would mean putting up with Dumbledore and his stupid speeches about love and friendship). Most of Voldemort’s actions throughout the books don’t make the muggle borns’ lives miserable (at least not until he gets into power) but makes hell of the purebloods’ lives and absolutely ruins them. 

The Black family, in particular, he essentially wipes off the face of the Earth. 

With that in mind, I imagine a young Regulus eventually came to realize that Voldemort was systematically destroying the great families from the inside to put himself in power. It was never about the muggleborns or the country, it was only ever about power.

Then we get to the other bit, Voldemort being a fraud. Unlike many, I believe the Death Eaters had no idea who Voldemort was. It’s too unbelievable to me that some guy named Tom Riddle, who their fathers all went to school with, who everyone knew as a muggle born impoverished orphan, could convince them all that he was the next Merlin who they should devote their lives (and their money) to. Tom’s charismatic, but he’s not that charismatic. Better for Tom Riddle to just disappear entirely and show up as the Count of Monte Cristo, descendent of Salazar Slytherin himself, impressing all the young heirs while their young, angry, and stupid. 

With Regulus finding out that his great leader is actually just the halfblood son of a squib, the whole movement falls apart. Regulus is a pawn, fighting for nothing he believes in. Now, that said, I don’t think Regulus ever figured out who exactly, Tom was. He clearly knew the name, as we see from the locket, but just knowing that Riddle is a muggle last name would be enough to know that Voldemort was nothing he presented as.

Basically, Regulus becomes extremely disillusioned with the Death Eaters and Voldemort in a few short years. The change he wanted to see sweeping the country doesn’t happen. Instead the violence, which he was initially very excited for (guys, Regulus did join a domestic terrorist organization and I will not cut him slack for that, he was excited to blow up some muggle borns) is pointless and hurting their own people as opposed to the muggle borns. 

During all of this we have Kreacher borrowed by Voldemort for the creepy horcrux placement. This certainly makes Regulus go “hm” and he’s clever enough to put together on his own that the locket must be a horcrux.

That said, I do not believe he knew enough about Tom Riddle to have been able to hunt down the rest or even know where or what they would be. Dumbledore had been paranoidly collecting memories of Tom Riddle’s entire goddamn life and relying on the plot convenient aspect that Tom was apparently so much of a romantic he never left his horcruxes anywhere but Britain and always left them in very noticeable sentimental objects. Regulus knew about the locket because of Kreacher, had he lived, he’d have no idea where the hell else to start.

So that’s Regulus for you, a fairly intelligent, yet youthfully stupid, extremist whose dream did not live up to the reality and probably still would have spat in Hermione’s face had the gang resurrected him from being a lake zombie.

As for Sirius, well, he’s James the asshole times a thousand to the point where he makes some “ha ha, very funny, but actually really this is horrifying” decisions. 

I guess we’ll start back when he’s young.

We don’t see much of the young Sirius, and granted, what we do directly is given to us by a very bitter, resentful, and biased Severus Snape but his actions still read a lot like pretty much any Stephen King bully villain. The scene where they’re tormenting Snape (and Snape drops the slur, Lily abandoning him) is horrifying to read. And it’s clearly one of many moments over many years of this group of boys sexually harassing him (and yes, that was sexual harassment guys, let’s not pull out stops here).

Then we get to the joke with Lupin that... really wasn’t a joke.

The flimsy excuse we’re given in canon is that a) it was all in good fun b) Snape was so much of a coward he’d never actually go to the Shrieking Shack because he’s a big chicken. Bawk bawk bawk, Snivellus the chicken. But, well, these excuses are flimsy. 

When you get down to the bare bones of it what Sirius did there was attempted murder via his chronically ill best friend. It’s one of those actions that I simply cannot justify, even had Sirius not thought it all the way through, as boys will be boys. What was the good outcome there? Snape sees Lupin and shrieks in terror? (Only to probably run to some authority and try to get the uncontrolled werewolf the fuck off of campus, nice going Sirius) Snape gets infected with lycanthropy? Snape dies, Lupin wakes up covered in blood with the horror of knowing he ate a classmate? 

Later, we do get Sirius sort of apologizing for his behavior. But it’s at best a ‘sort of’ apology. He never admits the full horror of what he did, just how relentlessly brutal he was to Snape, or what the werewolf thing really would have ended in. Instead he goes, “yeah, James and I were kind of assholes. He grew up though, Lily married him so he couldn’t be an ass anymore! And it was Snape, Come on, Harry, it was Snape.” And Harry, messed up asshole that he himself is goes, “Yeah, it was Snape! Stupid Snape!”

I also never got the feeling he ever fully apologized to Remus. Sirius used Remus in the worst of ways, made it clear he had no respect for Remus and no compassion for his condition, and continues to treat him as a sort of secondary friend to James. I think it says a lot that Remus was able and willing to believe Sirius was guilty of murdering James and Lily in cold blood. 

Which probably gives you a hint that I think Remus/Sirius would never happen except in the most toxic of ways possible.

Basically, in a fair world, Sirius should have been expelled if not tried for the werewolf incident. However, Dumbledore plays favorites and chose the sons of two lords as opposed to the poor half blood (which I imagine cemented Snape’s path to becoming a Death Eater). And so there is some cruel irony in that Sirius was eventually jailed for something, even though it was something he didn’t do.

Now, after Azkaban, Sirius seems to have mellowed out a lot. While he’s a bit unhinged and thoughtless (his rescue attempt of Harry’s rescue attempt at the end of Order of the Phoenix) a lot of this can be seen as after effects of his stay in literally hell on Earth for over ten years. 

That said, a lot of people see him as the cool uncle character who, if Harry had been able to live with him, all would have been well. I firmly disagree. Young Sirius was, well, god knows how warped Harry would have been growing up with a young and reckless Sirius Black. After prison he’s in no condition to take care of Harry, and even says as much multiple times. Sirius is cool to hang around at a distance, but up close and personal he’d be very messed up and not at all ready to be a father to a teenage boy. 

Otherwise, Sirius was very very very gay for James Potter. Unfortunately for him, James Potter was straight and into Lily Evans. I’m sure it was a very sad day for Sirius when Lily actually said yes to James. Except not really, because James always strikes me as a “bros before hos” kind of dude. Not that I’m sure if Sirius ever admitted he was gay and in love with James, I’ve always been of the belief that pureblood culture is extremely homophobic and it just... wouldn’t come up. 

So there it is, now excuse me while I go hide behind this barrier before I get eaten alive.

[tundrainafrica]

i know i sent the same ask to other blogs but it bothers me that people claim levihan is an abusive ship. this is because levi used to knock out hange to bathe them. which is def not ok, don’t get me wrong.

but they also gloss over the ass beating he gave eren and the fact that he threatened to break both of erwins legs in order for him to not go to shiganshina. it’s like they are insinuating that levi is abusive. and while he is too rough, he definitely did not do any of these things to cause harm at all.

he wants to take care of them. he saved eren, he knew erwin was in no position to fight. hange is often too busy or deep in their research. forgetting to eat sleep and bathe isn’t healthy for them. or probably refusing to do any of those things because that’s time they could be spending in their lab. so levi does some cleaning up. i’m in no way justifying the way in which he does things, but i’m pretty sure levi cares for hange enough to keep them clean.

if he found hange repulsive he would not spend so much time with them even. and levi was forced to be violent in his youth from living in the slums. he lived in filth so he probably has some sort of ptsd from that. he wants to keep the environment clean and healthy. i’m sure with time he will learn to be more gentle. we have seen him become softer in the manga.

but it makes me angry that they throw around the word abusive so easily when levi is one of the kindest people in the snk universe.

Hello Anon!

Sorry for only getting to this now. 

Here’s one thing I noticed about the people who actually go all the way as to point all these flaws of Levihan --- they point it out because they’re shipping Levi with someone else or they’re shipping Hange with someone else.

Sure, I mentioned it before, I have lots of friends and family who watch AOT and don’t ship Levihan but none of them have ever mentioned the ‘abusiveness’ of the ship. Like literally I get everything from ‘Hange is ugly’ to ‘their height difference is just blah.’ 

(And antis, if you just don’t like Levihan’s relationship and you feel like it’s attacking your ship, instead of screaming ‘homophobic’ or ‘abuse enablers,’ just say ‘Hange is ugly’ or ‘their height difference is ugly’ and just go. Stop turning every attack on our ship to a social issue? Cause like literally there are way more problematic ships out there like wah people actually ship Sam and Dean Winchester together.)

But to bring virtue signaling into the equation? Antis must have some hidden agenda (aka another ship) and which non Levihan Levi ships are the most vocal? I’ll leave you to go to twitter and to do the research yourself. .

Anyway...

From what I know, an argument of a lot of the antis who actually bitch about the abusiveness of Levihan bring up the ‘Levi knocks out Hange to bathe her’ thing. 

Honestly for me, sure knocking someone out to bathe them in real life is one thing. And in real life, I personally cannot see any situation where the absolutely right thing to do is to hurt someone physically (except maybe self defense) but I recognize that people hurt others in anger, people break stuff in anger and does that automatically make those people bad? No.

Every single one of us has been an asshole once, whether physically, emotionally or verbally or in any other sense. Every single one of us has done something others would have considered inexcusable and because of that, close minded virtue signalling will never fly for me, regardless of what background the person who is doing ti comes from.

Because the most authentic and purposeful type of preaching doesn’t come from a place of ‘You’re wrong’ it comes from a place of ‘tell me why you did that so we can discuss this together.’ If the person isn’t listening to you or your side then they’re not preaching right. The world is too complex for any side to be completely in the right.

And I digress. 

But I’m sure as an audience, we have suspended disbelief multiple times while watching TV shows already, most of us have actually seen someone slap their boyfriend or have seen someone punch someone out of anger but instead of screaming ‘AH ABUSE’ most of us would actually go ‘OOOOOOOOHHHH’ and if we think the guy or the girl deserved it, sometimes we wouldn’t even call it abuse.  

And that’s how naturally inclined people are to making double standards.

And if these same people who are calling Levihan an abusive ship are shipping Levi with other people….

You’re right to point out that Levi did give Eren a worse beating and Levi actually threatened to break Erwin’s legs before they left for Shiganshina and that does not count as abuse?

Or if those same people who are calling Levihan an abusive ship are the same people who would cheer just watching anyone get hurt....

So that means that the antis are so conveniently taking whatever they can, virtue signalling their way into invalidating our ship. Which doesn’t hold if they can’t really practice what they preach or keep it consistent in all grounds. 

Besides Levi and Hange are both battle hardened soldiers. They’re both incredibly healthy human beings. And I’m sure they actually don’t think too much about getting bruised up here and there knowing were Levi grew up and knowing they go into expeditions and they experience much worse things there. 

And on top of that, I’m sure the knocks her out to bathe her thing was played for lolz. 

And if Hange hated it, if she herself had considered it abuse for Levi to do it, I’m sure Hange would have acted on it long ago. Arguably, Hange is Levi’s superior after all. And if the antis are gonna scream ‘It’s stockholm syndrome. Hange just accepts it and it’s unhealthy’ 

Really? If anyone was a sub in their relationship, I’d put it at Levi tbh.  

The point is I don’t think any argument to the ‘abusiveness’ of Levihan actually holds if the shippers are so easily going to dismiss Levi threatening to break Erwin’s legs or Levi beating up Eren. At the same time, I don’t think it holds either if these same people who are criticizing abuse in this type of setting are cheering for violence and abuse in any other type of setting.

People bring up social issues and accuse people of being assholes all the time and if they’re not going out of their way to research what other sides exist to a problem, I’m convinced that more than half the time they’re conveniently pointing things out to fuel some other hidden agenda inside them. 

This is common practice in ship wars. People find anything bad to say about any ship. And I just hate seeing people bring up shit like social issues into the shipping war. 

“If you don’t ship them you’re homophobic.” “If you don’t ship them, you’re transphobic.” “If you ship them, you’re an enabler.” 

Because when has shipping preferences ever determined whether someone is a good person or not? People ship for different reasons? Not everyone ships with a ‘THIS IS MY DREAM RELATIONSHIP’ scenario in mind. Like people ship because they like enemies to lovers dynamics. People ship because they like contemplating the complexities of relationships. Peoples ship and they celebrate their problematic ships because they want to explore the complexities of the issues that govern such material. 

People forget that in the end, what we ship is really just preferences. And I do not think it reflects much on how the person is. People can have the most problematic kinks and still be the kindest people. 

Because in the end it’s awareness of one’s surroundings, it’s empathy, discipline, good control of emotions, openness and the ability to discern whatever information comes our way which makes us good people. And in the end, it’s our own efforts everyday to be a better and kinder person which makes us good people, not the opinion of some stranger on the internet who decided that we were bad just because we ship a ship they don’t like. 

Anyway, I think I went overboard with this answer anon but I hope this makes you realize things about antis.

[dickstailcoat]

So, I’m finally near the end again of SNS 1 (who needs sleep anyways) and I already have thoughts when comparing it to later stories he has written, be it in the SNS series or entirely new ones. I’ll provide a more thorough in-depth analysis once my notes are organized and I don’t have to deal with my day-job, but here’s a huge observation that I already see in book 1:

Rob is way in over his head.

From the get-go, we see a feminist character who is not as inclusive as many readers would like to think or feel. Repeatedly, she body shames herself, as if this is all women think about when considering their appearances, and judges other women for their ideals. She defies expectations of women, yet bows down to a man, ignoring that strong pillar of her personality. She preaches inclusivity yet shuns other women in the story who are bound by society and literally have no choice. There is something strange about her, as if she is a hero, but not one who knows the depths of the problems she faces, or the consequences of what her actions might bring.

In layman’s terms: throughout the story, there is just something off.

Eventually, the plot dwindles into some far-off abyss (let’s be honest, since book 2, the plot has gone south), and we get a more and more superficial character who appears to be all over the place in her ideals and morale, and less and less a strong woman. As a consequence, we see that core pillar of her personality, being a feminist, disappear.

This is when as the reader, if you take a critical eye to it, you realize what that ‘something’ is. She reminds you of your brother, father, uncle, grandfather, boyfriend, husband, and male friend. She knows the issues exist, she sees them, she can critically assess them, she even constantly makes light of them, but she doesn’t truly experience them fully as all women do.

Now, I’m a clown myself who often tries to make light of situations; however, I know even I will break sometimes because being a woman sometimes really sucks. I know Lilly hasn’t experienced sexual assault like many have, but she has experienced restrictions and worry over what will happen to her if she doesn’t conform to the expectations. I’m living in an very open society, and I still feel anxious, nervous, and upset over that. I still sometimes feel sad because there will always be a man saying I can’t. This happens to her too – repeatedly – and she barely bats an eye. But, she is a female character, so why doesn’t she?

The reason for this is simple: Rob is a man, and can never fully comprehend the true worries, fears, and issues women faced now, let alone then when they were much more severe.

As you read on, you begin to wonder as a reader: whose voice is this? Is it the author’s or Lilly’s? It is normal for an author to put a little bit of themselves in a character, sometimes even more so! But there is a problem when it is a man doing it to a female character. We start to see the mix of ideals and experiences; we start to see the boundary where a male writer cannot grasp what women go through on a day-to-day basis.

That would be fine initially, perhaps, for any new author. Why should we limit artistic expression? But it starts to blur into the reader’s perspective as to whether Rob himself feels this way. Because in this story, it is one single ‘joke’, and is never dealt with - not once - properly. We don’t know for an absolute fact if he himself feels this way, he’s never made it clear! But it starts to look worse and worse as the stories go on and women are less and less powerful except when they are needed to bring the reader back in from the lost plot, as if to say “Hey look! I do care sometimes!”

The result is an author writing about inclusivity, but instead, it comes across as discriminative. We have a single flat tone, as if someone is pressing a C note throughout the story, and never progressing. I don’t know about you guys, but if Taylor Swift played one single note for her entire career, none of us would be listening. It stays there the entire time, a ruler-straighter tonality of constant comedy, turning and warping the inclusivity into cheap plot devices, and mental walls for the readers that he has to shakily try to break every so often.

With that in mind, after a few books the author’s ‘colours’ start to show if this continues.

I started this series way back in the age of the dinosaurs, and adored it. I still do! I have nothing against the stories themselves or characters, I love me a good Victorian romance, but my goodness – the way the subject matter is dealt with is practically insulting of late!

I decided to go back to SNS 1, and look at it critically, as if I’m back in uni trying to dissect Shakespeare. Worryingly, it’s already visible in book 1, and is excused repeatedly with commentary by the author using what I like to call ‘false empathy’.  An Instagram commenter recently mentioned that A/Ns are unprofessional, and I agree, I think they’re dangerous. It is better to be upfront in the Prelude or Foreword, or shameless about the fact that you don’t care (G.R Martin, anyone?) because this starts to add the author’s view. With Rob constantly trying to excuse things, it makes everyone question things more and more – although perhaps in light of recent events, this is a good thing.

The fact of the matter is, at the end of the day, “This was how it was in the time” is not an excuse to have the main female character constantly beat her appearance and dismiss other female characters whilst her own personality is diminished. It tricks readers into thinking a male author cares - but does he? Can he? Will he ever truly understand?

Probably not, it’s impossible.

However, this doesn’t mean he needs to stop, and that I despise his stories (okay, maybe a little bit 😉). It means he needs to change. It can’t be ‘this is what happened and this is how it was’. It needs to be this is how it was, this is what happened, this is how it felt, and this is it’s impact. It means he needs to read a book on feminism and issues women experience. It means he needs to ask women to gain a view as to how these things actually feel, and to gain insight into how it’s not something to make a 24/7 joke out of for multiple years. He needs to read up on how those who do not fit the particular ‘box’ of discrimination he is dealing with tend to not like it when you constantly make fun of it tactlessly. There are ways to go about it, you can be funny and deal with serious issues.

Instead, Rob has chosen (and I mean chosen, the OG fandom has been trying for years to message and help this get fixed) to continue on this flatlining path where the star of our story is turned into a joke and a male stereotype of women. It is a shame, because Lilly is pretty damn cool, but he conveniently plucks that core principle out of her as the books go on, until she is eventually a husk whose only purpose is to be funny.  

In case you guys ever wondered why the OG fandom stopped reading, stopped being active on the content, and why we only post memes and have turned these two into a running joke, but still keep original Lilly in our quotes, this is why.

[julesandthehimbros]

why don’t you do an enemies to lovers with reggie and it starts with them being friend at first but falling out because of some misunderstanding back in their freshman year and reggie thinks the reader betrayed him somehow so reggie holds a grudge against them until everything comes out one day during their senior year. and they’ll both have nicknamed that they use to call each other when they were friends but now they say them out of spite. idk just a thought

ok i love this so much!

Y/n and Reggie used to be inseparable. Keyword: used to.

Freshman Year.

“hey buggy, do you want to come with us to the record shop after school?” Reggie asked.

“i’d love to strings, but i have to finish this assignment today. it’s worth half my grade.” you said with a sad smile.

“maybe tomorrow?” you suggested as the bell rang.

You walked to class as he stayed behind at your locker.

one of your friends saw you walking and wrapped his arms around you as you continued your walk to class.

After that, you never heard much more from reggie.

Sophomore year.

“Hey Y/n, do you have the math homework?” Alex asked as you sat at a table in the library.

You pulled the homework from your bag and helped him through the equations.

you would never let anyone copy homework but you were more than happy to help them understand the problems.

“Have you heard from Reg lately?” you asked as you finished up with Alex.

“you know he doesn’t hang out with me anymore. band practice is pretty much it. what happened?”

“last year he asked if i wanted to hit the record shop with you guys. and then he stopped talking to me. i don’t really understand what happened.” you said.

Alex looked at you with a sad smile.

“thanks for the help, buggy.”

“please don’t call me that.” you said as you packed up your things to leave.

Junior Year.

“Your next class president is Y/n Y/l/n.” the principal said with a great smile.

you smiled as happy as you could. your eyes scanning the crowd for your Strings. when you found him. your smile faded. he was looking at his hands. a sad face accompanying the tears falling down his cheeks.

you tried to catch up with him once the assembly was over. Luke stopped you.

“he really can’t handle this today, y/n please don’t.” he said as he pulled you in the opposite direction.

“we used to be best friends. what even happened with that?” you asked.

“freshman year. do you really not remember this?” he asked.

“no. he asked if i wanted to go to the record shop and then he never talked to me again. there’s literally nothing that i can think of that would make him hate me like this.” you said on the verge of tears.

you left the auditorium and went to find Alex. he was always the best in these situations.

you finally found him in the hallways. you were almost at the breaking point of a panic attack.

“Alex, please.” you said before collapsing in his arms.

he held you while you cried and well after you finished.

“what happened bug- y/n?” he asked.

“he hates me. i don’t know what i did!” you said

Alex held you and stroked your hair.

“he doesn’t hate you. he thinks you hate him.” he said.

you looked at him in disbelief.

“why would he think that?” you asked.

“i promised him i wouldn’t say anything. but you need to know. freshman year. you told him you would go to the record shop when you finished your assignment. the. you walked to class with your boyfriend. he said that you would rather hang out with him than with us.” he said while holding your hand.

“i never had a boyfriend. James? he was just a friend. and he was gay. not that that matters. but i was head over heels for reggie. he was my strings. i was his buggy. i don’t know how that could all just go away because he thought i was with someone?” you started crying again. but this time it was tears of anger.

you got up and thanked alex for the confirmation.

“i have to find him. i have to let him know.” you said before leaving.

you never found him that day.

Senior Year.

Graduation was coming up soon. you were supposed to walk with reggie. you had this planned for years.

You found him one day in the halls.

“hey strings. can i talk to you?” you asked.

“i guess.” he said

“i’m sorry. for everything. i never meant to make you feel bad or think that i didn’t care about you. freshman year i walked to class with my friend James. he had a huge crush on Alex and i was trying to help get them to hang out. Alex told me that you thought he was my boyfriend. that’s not true. i wanted to hang out with you so bad. i was absolutely in love with you Reg. i think i still am. i go to the record shop all the time hoping you’ll be there.” you said.

“i just want to be your buggy again. and i want to walk with you at graduation. and be at all of your shows. i just want you back in my life.” you said basically pleading with him.

“I spent the last 3 years trying to figure out why you would hurt me like that. i could never understand why someone i loved so much would do that to me.” he said.

“i’m not your strings anymore y/n. i’ve moved on.” he said before turning to walk away.

“don’t walk away from me Reginald. don’t walk away from me when i have just laid my heart out! I love you! okay? I love you so much that it hurts me to think about you. I want to punch a wall it hurts so bad! don’t walk away from me when i’ve done everything i can to make things right!” you screamed.

everyone in the halls was looking now. teachers were coming out of the classrooms.

“don’t leave me reg. please let me make it up to you” you said

“i love you. but i can’t. i can’t just sit here and let you preach about how you want to make things right. i sat outside of your house every friday waiting for you to come. i did that for 2 years! I can’t handle you seeing me when it’s convenient for you! i followed you for years waiting for you to like me the way i like you. i’ve given up! i’ve given up on trying to make you see me. i’ve given up on trying to make you understand that i am hopelessly in love with you.” he said

“i’ll still walk with you at graduation, but after that i’m done. if you want to come to our shows, fine. if you want to go to that record shop, do it. i won’t be there.” he said walking away.

senior year was the last time you saw reggie. he never made it to graduation.

Reggie Luke and Alex died outside the orpheum. it was their big break and they never made it.

Eventually you bought the record shop. it took years of working 3 or more jobs and saving up.

The Strings became a hangout for the youth. records were sold. t shirts were purchased. but the one thing that never changed was the love that you put into this last piece of him.

Sunset Curve was the only band that never got their records sold. you refused to let other people have that piece of your heart.

[chaoticspacefam]

wonder if part of why the swtor jedi-sith conflict plays the way it does with “sith stans” and etc because the sith empire are functionally saturday morning cartoon villains - “murder and mayhem await!” compared to the more, i guess, believable evil of the republic/jedi following good ideals to bad conclusions and justifying war crimes

I'd certainly say it doesn't help things, you're right! I have...a lot of issues with the Jedi and their portrayal (especially in the Legends/SWTOR era), but I also recognise that a lot of that is very personal to me and that another fan might feel differently. Long, ranty post ahead so if that's not your deal, skip this one.

TL;DR: thinking critically about the behaviour of the Good Guys bad, I guess, since they're the good guys and you're obviously not allowed to use your own agency to decide something they do makes you deeply, viscerally uncomfortable.  And God help you if you disagree with anything they do and cite personal experience behind your (very justified) avoidance of that rhetoric/teaching, because Bad Things Justified If Good People Do Them and how dare you have different personal experiences and responses. If that's what you do, you're doing fandom wrong /s Also, bad writing choices of the writers themselves that perpetuate toxic, harmful viewpoints and/or stereotypes don't mean anything when said viewpoints/stereotypes are the Bad Guys because...Bad Guys Aren’t Supposed To Be People With Rights, Thoughts and Feelings Too, They’re Just Evil, (cringe)

Disagreeing with someone’s opinions is fine, but if you’re going to deliberately expose yourself to content you don’t like and then attack the person that is making the content because they made it and it upset you when you went looking for it....you are, in fact, the one at fault babes. No one is holding you hostage, you can block tags or unfollow a person (especially me. I really don’t care honest to god, if my posts are not your jam just leave. please.) if you hate what they post so much and are unable to just scroll past things you don’t like to stay for things you do. I’ve done it and will continue to do so, and my fandom experience is happier for it. Also, people are human and sometimes we’re tired and we make mistakes like we miss a trigger tag, and you are within your right to come to the person and point that out, but you are not within your right to threaten them because they made a mistake. Then you’re just a dick.

But I still wouldn't be the one going around (passive) aggressively attacking other fans for disagreeing with my opinions and again, this is based on personal experience, but I've seen a lot more of that stuff from "pro-Jedi" people who seem to be conveniently okay with shit like mass-genocide and cultural erasure because "the Jedi are the good guys and the (OT) Sith are fascists!"

I don't interact with the subsect of fans that do think "the (OT) Empire did nothing wrong hurr durr" unironically (and for good reason, I don't agree with that viewpoint either and the fact that half the time the "defence" of these other fans is "well you're pro-fascist then!!" lmao) but there's a very big gap between the OT Empire which is rightfully a mirror of fascism and dictatorial governments and I do, in fact, raise my eyebrows in heavy criticism and disdain at the writers of the TOR-era deliberately choosing to "justify" the ultimate end being said fascist Empire by making the Sith species (and as always I preface this by saying I am in fact white & therefore know I have priveledge and can only "relate" on a much shallower level as POC fans, but there are places where I do find them more relatable than the TOR-era Jedi which reek of conservative, pearl-clutching Christianity (which I spent way too much of my life having forced upon me by the bible-bashing Evangelists(tm) in my family) to me and I just don't have the fucks to give to spend time fixing something that's honestly traumatising for me to be reminded of):

-heavily Indigenous/POC-coded

-"tribal" and not in a properly-researched and respectfully portrayed sense but in a very deliberate "these people are savage and need to be colonised and "sophisticated" by the More Acceptible (Human) Dark Jedi" even though they had their own society, belief systems, and even had technology - just not in the "socially acceptible, conventional sense" I guess

-perpetuating this by adding slavery and all of that can of worms into the mix too, just to drive home the "evil and bad" prototype ig. I'm not even gonna speak more on this part because it just makes me angry.

-Deliberately giving them more "alien" or inhuman characteristics, which while by itself is not necessarily a bad thing, put it together with all the other things?? Big. Fucking. Oof.

-Were literally exterminated and the survivors selectively bred for ONLY the "bad and evil" traits for not agreeing with the Jedi's beliefs. Their own practises and beliefs were automatically "evil" and "wrong" just because they didn't want to "convert" (sniff sniff, Christianity, is that you?)

A direct quote for those who can't be bothered to click and read the link:

For nearly two thousand years, superstition, loyalty and sympathy were bred out as the two groups interbred, and qualities such as cunning, ambition and affinity to the Force were favored, which shaped Sith society over the centuries.[3][21][22] In the Sith Empire, as time progressed pure-blooded Sith were steadily bred out,[6] resulting in only a few pure-blooded Sith left in the Sith Empire by the time of the Great Hyperspace War.[13] Long after, the true species in the Empire were believed to have gone extinct due to the interbreeding process.

And conversely the Jedi:

-Deny young children contact with their parents, siblings and families from the moment their Force sensitivity shows (hmmmm. )

-Continually and actively support the condemnation and Exile of "imperfect" Jedi, hell, it's even pointed out on Wookieepedia, that any Force sensitive, even those who are not aligned to either faction, but that train with or follow teachings that are not Jedi Approved (tm) is labelled as a "Dark Jedi" by the Jedi Order

Although "Dark Jedi" originally referred to a Jedi who had fallen to the dark side, it could also refer to uninitiated Force-sensitives who received no Jedi training but began their careers under another Dark Jedi. Others were simply dark-side users who did not follow the teachings of the Sith or other dark side organizations.

because "oh noooo you do not follow the way of the Truth and the Light you horrible person how dare you defy The One True Correct Teaching, that makes you the Devil Incarnate no matter what" UGH.

-Continuously push the idea (very heavily) that Emotions Are Bad, which just creates a bunch of emotionally-stunted powderkegs unable to recognise, confront and deal with said emotions (and as I've said, I would know, I was one and maybe still am in some ways lmao) , then blames said powderkeg for exploding because they were never taught how to handle the emotions in the first place.

(Fuck "there is no emotion, there is peace", that's not how people work and never will be lmao)

I don't really know what else to say about this to be honest, because even though I've only been on tumblr about a year now, I'm already tired of this constant "I'm right, you're wrong" finger-pointing between those people in the fandom.

Cause to some of these "pro-Jedi" people it's an unthinkable crime to dare to have a different opinion to them and just want to be left alone, I guess. I've literally been attacked for saying "I don't like the Jedi and find dealing with their dogma too traumatising based on personal experience and trauma from my childhood so I'm going to avoid it but you do you"

I've had American Christians (tm) clap back to that with the ever-wonderful "LMAO bitch you don't have religious trauma, you didn't grow up in the bible-belt, stop trying to be edgy, shut up and go to therapy"

(all of this is sarcasm, for those who need me to spell it out for you. I'm still traumatised by the shit I went through and have to constantly check myself and my own feelings because of the toxic "habits" those teachings tried to push onto me as a child and I have zero tolerance and patience for your (not you, ssalmon, but the royal "you" as it were) victim-blaming abuse apologism "gotchas")

because 1) clearly American Christianity and the bible-belt are the only insidious and harmful subsect of Christianity and it's not like the concept of Evangelism as a whole is inherently toxic, harmful, and traumatising to those subjected to it right 2) Obviously there's a Stated Right Way To Be Traumatised and anyone who falls outside of that (Non-Existent) handbook is "faking it for attention" 3) bold of them to assume that curating my own fandom (and life) experience, and refusing to engage with things that trigger me, isn't something that I literally fucking learned in therapy lmao

Also, I find it funny how these are the people going around attacking people like me, who are literally minding our own motherfucking business, but then claim to preach “love and tolerism” and all this other bullshit. Karen, sweetie, only one of us is going around telling people they deserve to be murdered/stabbed for disagreeing with thier opinion about a videogame and pointing out that “hey, that’s...very yikes maybe don’t do that, step back and calm down” and it ain’t me (true story, this happened a couple of months ago and I don’t wanna dredge the post up because it’s very upsetting to think about) People are allowed to have opinions, and they don’t have to agree with your opinion just because that’s what you think, and the second that you sink to sending people death threats because they don’t share your opinion, you are, in fact, the asshole in that conversation.

It was even funnier because the person in question followed me first, I initially thought they were pretty cool so I followed back, then they threw a massive temper-tantrum and threw a bunch of very upsetting and triggering shit at me without my consent because I didn’t agree with them (I’d even put my opinions in tags on MY blog in an attempt to be courteous and not hijack their post with negativity, in hindsight perhaps I should have made my own post in the first place and I do acknowledge that BUT if that’s all they’d said I would have apologised and moved on, quite gladly, there was no need for them to explode the way they did at me for...making a mistake because I’m a stranger on the internet who didn’t know them & wasn’t a mind-reader and I happened to miss a trigger tag that I didn’t think of at the time lmao)

This post is getting awful long and rambly so I'm going to shut up now, but that's my take on it I guess, I hope that's what you were getting at and if it's not I apologise, I've been taking a huge step back and actively just avoiding any and all major posts related to this discourse as of a few months ago because it just infuriates and upsets me too much, it’s not worth the detriment to my mental health, I’m just here to make friends who are also hyperfixated on SWTOR and have fun vibing and talking about our characters, not get into one-sided morality debates with pearl-clutchers. 🤷

[phantomato]

Hey I'm very interested in your Voldemort takes :>

'Cause you consider him a revolutionary, can I ask what do you think are his, like, core beliefs? The political tenets behind his terrorism? Personally, I don't think V believe in what he preach, he only uses blood supremacy ideas to gain power.

((P/s: I hope I dont bring back bad memories but I really enjoy Waterlogged! Baby Tom is cute, childhood friends to lovers nottmort is very cute, and I have a huuuuge hateboner for dynamic like Tomione/Tomarry, so it's super satisfying to read >:D ))

Hello! I love to give Voldemort takes. Also, thank you for the kind words about Waterlogged—it was a difficult publishing experience, but I‘m very proud of the story it became. Young Tom is cute. Young Nottmort is the sweetest. 💛 And if you ever feel like discussing the dynamics that don’t appeal to you in Tomione/Tomarry, well, I’m all ears!

Ah, but Voldemort-the-revolutionary.

See, the thing about a revolution is that it isn’t a concept defined by the underlying set of beliefs as much as it is by the act of change. Yes, a revolution can be spurred by a group with a unifying social or political theory wanting to instate their views as the new form of governance, but any attempt to overthrow the government and form your own in its place is a revolution, no matter how shoddily-motivated.

No, I don’t think Voldemort cares for blood supremacy. My version of him certainly doesn’t, I love to play in his mixed upbringing too much. A more canon-compliant Voldemort spouts a good deal of blood prejudice by the time we see him in book four onwards, but we know that he at least attempted to recruit Muggleborns (Lily Potter) during the first war. It seems likely to me that blood supremacy was an expedient way to convince a bunch of wealthy and influential people to follow him, the exact sort of people who otherwise would have zero reason to want to support a guy whose aim is to overthrow the government that they’re a part of. As a platform, it’s an implicit promise to keep them on top while eliminating some of their political enemies in a society where feuds between families run centuries deep. It’s the sort of thing that scapegoats a group so that Voldemort’s working-class followers focus their hatred on something other than those wealthy families at the top. It’s a convenience, and it works to get him the support base he needs to be successful for many years.

But as to his own views, quite honestly, I don’t think he has much beyond wanting power and wanting to never die. (Not to live forever, mind—I don’t think he’s thought that part through.) What does he do when he owns the Ministry during book seven? He fucks off to the Continent to search for an artifact instead of running the country he’s conquered. The implication is that he was winning his first war as well, by around 1980, and what happens then? He gets distracted by a prophecy and upends all of that success. He certainly has no compunction about killing someone like Hepzibah Smith, an old money/old family type who might have helped him get ahead over a decade earlier than his actual rise, because he valued the shiny things more than he valued a coherent plan for political power.

There’s a phrase that comes up in discussion of hobbies/skills, something like: do you want to do X, or do you want to have done X? Do you want to write, or do you want to have written, to be an author? Do you want to knit, or do you want to have the hand-knit jumper? It’s a useful thought exercise to help someone determine whether they enjoy the process or not.

Voldemort wants to have led a successful revolution. He wants to have overthrown a government. Nothing we see of him suggests he actually enjoys the process of governance: he’s irritable and short-tempered with his followers (all those crucios), he always seems to be talking to himself more than anyone else (that graveyard scene hand joke), he delegates seemingly to get a task off of his own desk rather than because he trusts the person to get it done (Lucius was really going to get that prophecy? ok.), and, even if it’s mostly a result of story-structure constraints, he spends most of his time not doing anything and comes out for like one or two days of effort a year. This isn’t the behavior of a man with a strong sociopolitical theory for a new government!

I mean, I think an AU can set up a Voldemort who does care and has a core belief system. Waterlogged is one such story, so thanks for citing it! That Tom Riddle is introduced to a theory of social change from an impressionable age, has those values reinforced for at least a decade, and the result is a man shaped by them such that he actively pursues social change (within legal means) for the rest of his career. I flirt with what issues Tom or Voldemort might care about in a few other stories, from setting up a university in You Should Know to the more high-level educational reform efforts in Busy Seeing Red to his choice of career in Professor of Muggle Studies to his postwar rationing rant in Two Halves to his discussion about the AIDS crisis in Made of Clay to his damned donations to the Boys and Girls Club in Awful at Heart. I think that with Tom, the personal is political. The issues that could motivate him to care, to impact his behavior in big ways or small, will always be the things closest to his sense of self. He’s lived through so many horrible things. If he’s selfless, he wants to prevent others from experiencing the same. If he’s selfish, he wants to destroy the institutions that harmed him out of pure spite.

And, hell, that’s the fundamental principle underlying his canonical wars: this world fucked me, so I’m going to fuck it right back.

[lone-survivor-six-tales]

Ain’t That A Shot in The Head Ch.6

The walk to the strip was mostly uneventful other than the people that would stop and stare at the group that consisted of one courier, an ex NCR soldier, a follower of the apocalypse, a nightkin, a cybernetic dog and an eyebot. As they walked past the strip security and into the strip, a familiar securitron rolled up to greet Six.

"Howdy partner! Glad to see you finally made it!" Victor cheerfully greeted the group while Boone and Arcade eyed the robot suspiciously.

"What's with the robot?" Arcade whispered to Boone while Six chatted with Victor.

"I don't know, it's been following Six since I've met her. Apparently it's the one that dug her out of her grave." Bonne explained eyebrows furrowing when he saw Six. Boone was able to pick up enough of the conversation to put together what the securitron was asking her to do.

"I don't think it's a good idea to go in there alone." Boone told Six, eyeing the securitron before setting his sights on the Lucky 38.

"Sorry partner but Mr. House said only she can come in. You can wait outside for your friend to be done!" Victor's cheery voice made Boone wish he could use the bot for target practice.

"If he wants to see her so much then he should come down here himself." Arcade replied, huffing when Victor didn't even glance in his direction.

"It's alright guys." Six said, looking back at them with a small smile. Boone frowned and gently grabbed Six's arm, pulling her closer so he could speak to her without Victor hearing.

"You don't know what's in there, what if it's a trap?"

"Just give me half an hour. I promise I'll be fine Boone."

Boone wasn't reassured but he reluctantly let her go to walk into the building. Unfortunately the securitron stayed with them and seemed content to watch the group as they waited for Six to return.

"As much as I don't like the idea, we're just going to have to trust her that she'll be fine." Arcade attempted to reassure Boone before making his way back to the strip entrance. "I'll be back, I need to check with the caravans about a delivery."

Boone watched Arcade leave as he sat down on the steps of the Lucky 38. Lily had wandered off to look at the decorative plants with ED-E while Rex sat next to Boone, resting his head on Boone's knee. He gave Rex a scratch behind the ear as he watched the people walk by. He wondered if Rex was just as worried about Six as he was.

"It's ok, she said she'd be fine."

--------------------------------------

Six's nerves were running high as the elevator slowly climbed to the penthouse. While she told Boone she would be fine, she mostly said it to reassure herself. She didn't know why House would want to see her but the sooner she sees him then the sooner she can return to her friends.

Stepping out of the elevator into a large open area. After talking to the female securitron waiting by the elevator, Six walked through the curtain and was shocked to see a large screen with an image of a man staring right at her.

"At last, you've come a long way haven't you. Before we continue I have a question for you; what do you make of what you've seen?" A voice from the screen echoed through the room and Six quickly summarized that this must be the infamous Mr. House.

"Honestly, I've never seen anything like it but I think I prefer the Wasteland."

"Oh come now, don't start preaching to me about the virtues of life out in the wastes. You do realize there's nothing out there except for a radioactive desert." House scoffed, while the image was still on the screen, Six could almost feel House rolling his eyes at her statement.

"Not everything is a desert." Six replied, thinking about the few memories she has from the capital wasteland. "I'm sure you didn't call me here to discuss our preferences so what is it you want from me?"

"Ah straight to the point, I like that. One of my employees has stolen an item of extraordinary value from me, and I want it recovered. I believe you know this man well enough. After all, he's the one that attacked you and your companion and left you for dead."

"Wait, you know about Charon? Do you know where he is?" Six tried stepping closer to the screen and was blocked by the two securitrons flanking each side of the monitors.

"I'm afraid I don't know the location of your companion, Benny should know what happened to him since he organized the attack on you. I don't care what happens to Benny but when you bring the chip to me I will pay you four times the amount of your delivery bonus agreed in your contract."

"Why me? Why do you need this chip so badly?" Six had so many questions but was given nothing in return as one of the securitrons began pushing her out of the room.

"All will be explained when you return the platinum chip to me." Was all house said as she was pushed into the elevator and sent on her way.

--------------------------------------

"Anything yet?"

Boone tossed the tennis ball Rex found to the dog before looking up at Arcade who was approaching the building. ED-E beeped happily and floated around Arcade while Rex bounded over, hoping Arcade would toss the ball to him just like Boone.

"Did you get what you needed?" Boone asked as Arcade sat down next to Boone. He whistled for Rex who kept trying to push the saliva soaked ball into Arcade's hand, much to his displeasure.

"Unfortunately no, apparently the caravan I hired has been dealing with attacks recently." Arcade frowned as he gave ED-E a pat while he pondered his next course of action. Their convenience was interrupted by a sound coming from Victor behind them.

"Your friend is done with her meeting with Mr. House! You've now been invited to stay in the high roller suite during your stay at the strip. You can find her in the cocktail lounge near the top of the tower, " Victor explained before rolling away. Boone and Arcade looked at each other before getting up and calling Lily over. Boone was the first to enter the building, looking around for any sign of danger before approaching the elevator. The group entered the elevator and rode up to the level marked cocktail lounge. Boone relaxed when the doors opened and he saw the familiar beret of Six sitting at one of the couches by the windows. Boone walked over to Six and noticed she was staring off into space with a worried look on her face.

"Six"

Six jumped and looked up at Boone with wide eyes. Immediately he noticed the streaks of tears that cut across her dirt covered cheeks. He sat down next to her and while he didn't say anything, Six knew he was wondering what was wrong.

"I feel like I'm getting dragged into something big. It feels like I've been in the same situation before and I don't know what to do." She pulled her legs up onto the couch and buried her face in her knees. She heard Rex whine age felt his tongue licking her fingers in an attempt to comfort her. After a few moments of silence she felt Boone shift next to her and his voice sounded closer than before.

"You know, I used to have a dog."

Six looked up to see Boone had moved closer to her to let Rex on the head. His other arm was draped over the back of the couch and she could almost feel the heat radiating off him from how close he was.

"Found her in the fields behind our house when I was ten. I tried hiding her in my room but mom found her real quick. I think I spent three days begging mom to keep her. I still don't know if she gave in because she realized I really wanted a dog or because she wanted me to finally be quiet."

Six chuckled softly, tilting her head back and resting her head on Boone's arm. "You know, the more you talk about your past the more I can't see how that goofy kid turned into your brooding ass."

Boone was silent, looking out at the strip below them. He hadn't been to the strip since his marriage with Carla. He can still remember how he met her after stumbling out of Gomorrah with his first recon buddies and bumping into Carla. He wondered if she'd still be alive and happy if he never ran into her at all. Though if he had never met Carla, he probably never would have lived long enough to have met Six.

"Maybe I'll tell you another time." He finally said, looking down at Six who had fallen asleep curled up against him.

"I'm pretty sure she didn't sleep at all on the way back from Jacobstown." Arcade said, walking up and passing Boone a glass of whiskey. Arcade sat down on the open couch across from him and took a sip of his own drink. "House must have said something that got to her."

Boone nodded, taking a large mouthful of whiskey before placing the glass down on the table between them. "Do we have any idea how she's going to even get close to this Benny guy?"

"Actually Six and I planned that out on the way back. Unfortunately the thing we need for this to work was supposed to be delivered by that Cassidy Caravan service that was hit. We're going to have to find that package before we can do anything. But for now," Arcade gestured to Six who had unconsciously clung to Boone's shirt in her sleep. "We should let her get some rest. I think the robot said we can stay in the high roller suite."

Boone agreed as he carefully picked up Six. Carrying her reminded him when he was rushing to save her after her cazador attack. He could see the scar still visible peeking out from under the shorts Six wore as he placed her in the bed of the largest room on the floor. He had to gently pry her fingers off his shirt before he could leave as Rex who had followed them up jumped into the bed next to her.

"Watch her back for me, okay boy?" Boone asked, getting a soft yip from Rex in confirmation before he left the room to return to the longue. When he returned he poured himself another glass of whiskey, hoping to silence the voices in his head telling him if he wasn't around then Carla would be alive and Six wouldn't have almost died to a cazador.

--------------------------------------

Six was confused when she woke up in a soft bed instead of the couch. As she sat up she was attacked with kisses from Rex which caused Six to laugh while trying to push the dog away.

"Alright, alright. I love you too now let me go."

Walking out of the room, Six checked the other rooms to find Arcade and Lily asleep in beds in another room. When she didn't find Boone she headed up to the longue to look for Boone. She found him asleep on one of the couches. An empty bottle of whiskey sat on the table next to him. As she moved closer she could hear him groaning and wincing in his sleep. Thinking he was having a nightmare she reached out to shake his shoulder.

"Boone, wake up."

She tried shaking him harder when suddenly her wrist was grabbed in a tight grip. Six winced and tried to pull her hand back which only made his grip tighten.

"Boone wake up, your hurting me." Six called out to him, raising her voice. She tried to tug her wrist back and cried out in pain when she felt a sharp pain shoot through her wrist.

"Boone!"

Rex growled and kept up and bit down on Boone's ankle, making him let out a pained shout as he shot up awake. Six stumbled back, tripping over the corner of the table and falling to the floor.

"Rex what the hell? Six? What happened?" Boone's gaze moved from Rex to Six and finally to the hand she was clutching against her chest. Boone felt sick as he stood up and walked over to kneel next to Six.

"Did I do that?"

Boone knew the answer when he saw Six flinch when he tried reaching out to her. Boone was silent as he looked away from Six and stood up, walking to the elevator. When Arcade woke not too long after, he found Six in the lounge trying to wrap her sprained wrist. There was no sign of Boone except for his beret and sunglass that were left forgotten on the table.

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Winner’s Curse Ch. 22

“Please please come in quickly,” the honorable wizard Yen Sid urged Uma, barely muffling his own coughs from the dusty air of Judge Frollo’s “house.” Quite ironically or perhaps more telling, Judge Frollo’s abode was the basement of a brothel. A cruel twist of temptation or perhaps a house of convenience since it was no secret that Frollo indulged in his hypocritical desires while preaching at his imaginary pulpit during the day.

But Uma wasn’t here to hear how she was destined for hell. It was night, the perfect time to meet the rest of the Anti-Villain Club while Frollo was away.

It felt like the situation was getting more dire the more time past. Amplified by the restlessness Uma felt because they weren’t getting anything done!

Sometimes Uma wanted to give in to her temptation to just dump the Auradonians for themselves. They didn’t really offer her any information or skills that she needed. Plus, they were slow at best. Uncaring and disobedient at worse, far more concerned with their own problems and feelings. They didn’t know how to work with a team or for a cause other than themselves.

Such royal behavior. Must be nice to put your moods first when your need for food, shelter and safety were never in question.

So it was a breath of fresh air to meet with the Anti Villains. Though they did not give her the assuring efficiency of her pirate crew, they were still Vks, her people. And she would need all the allies she could get if they were to stop the Coven.

Yen Sid gestured to the faded rug with, of course, an image of a man bleeding and crucified while a red devilish monster stabbed at his torso with a pitchfork.

Frollo’s erstwhile, rebellious daughter, Claudine took the head of the rug with Diego De’Vil and Yzla on both sides of her. Harold, Jason, Hadie, Big Murph, Hermie Bing, Eddie Balthazar, Celia and a blonde girl that Uma didn’t recognize rounded out the rest of the circle. Uma took place across from Claudine and Yen Sid stood by, pacing around.

“What news can you give us?” Yen Sid asked, starting the meeting abruptly.

Uma hadn’t noticed when Yen Sid signalled to her from the alleyways but the elder wizard looked even older. He was hunched over, not from age but like there was an invisible yoke on his shoulders. His face was riddled with new lines of wrinkles, stress and fatigue. And he was pale. So pale.

Uma had seen that sort of sickly paleness before. The sheen of sweat from a non-existent flu. He looked like death. The Isle after 20 years was starting to take its toll.

Though Uma had no personal attachment to the wizard nor did she care for his method of teaching goodness so Vks would be accepted in Auradon, when they should be accepted because they like any other person should have a home without abuse or poverty, she respected what he was trying to do. He didn’t see them all as one mass of worthless deviants to be scorned and ignored. He could have stayed in Auradon, doing nothing like all the rest of the so-called good guys, but he didn’t.

And this place was slowly killing him.

This place was going to be the death of all them if Uma’s revolution didn’t work.

Uma cracked her neck, inhaled and began to brief them, even though her report didn’t offer much encouragement that their plans were going to be successful.

“Our communications link with King Ben no longer works thanks to the Isle’s crappy service. However, we were able to inform him that the invasion is taking place in less than a week before we were cut off.” “Circe is officially on our side and will assist Yen Sid on more complex, powerful spells against Nerissa and the others.”

“The rest of the Coven-” “Believes.. Well actually tolerates the idea that you and Calix are still loyal. Lala still is on their side but Jade thinks she can convince her to switch again. Zevon and Ginny are lost causes. But you are going to round up your crew, and Harriet’s crew for extra manpower.” Yzla interrupted, and shrugged at Uma’s glare, “Jade told me.” “Ah yes.” Uma pursed her lips, shaking it off to not act too ruffled. She had been aware that Yzla and Jade were close but she didn’t particularly like that they were discussing things without her. That’s how plans got overturned. And people were overthrown.

Uma pushed that thought away as too paranoid. After all, they were all here for the same thing. Escape, not power.

“Yes, so you already know that. I do believe we will be able to persuade the rest of the Isle on our side.” “Wait the rest of the Isle. Like you mean some other kids right? Or the Hun gang. Not not the whole Isle?” Eddie asked. “I meant the rest of the Isle. The adult henchmen. The orphaned kids. The Huns, the mercenaries, the prostitutes. Anyone and everyone who has no power or big villain names.” The rest of the club looked at turns confused, intrigued and disbelieving at her.

“They are like us. They gain nothing from the Coven gaining more power. They get everything if they helped the revolution. No more oppressors. And a promise from King Ben to take all of us off the Isle to better housing, new jobs and actual food. A better life.”

“Whether Mal likes it or not.” Uma added internally. That had been the one thing she managed to speak to King Ben about, and surprisingluy he agreed wholeheartedly. He had seemed horrified when she described the living conditions that children dealt with. The way teens had turned to violence among other things to survive their abusive parents. He didn’t think he’d be able to convince Auradon should be abolished completely. Big villains would probably stay indefinitely. But he was welcome to her suggestions for programs to hep Vks.

“That’s why I need your input. King Ben is putting me in charge of VK Integration Programs and I want to know what we need.” “Uh, that’s nice. A truly Christian thing to do,” Claudine sneered saracastically, she had always been the most doubting of anyone having good intentions what with who she had for a father, “But shouldn’t we get out of here before we plan any VK Integration Programs?”

“This is part of how we are going to persuade the rest of the Isle to help us,” Uma smoothly bridged the two disparting ideas, “We need solid plans with how, what, when. Something solid and real that people can imagine and believe in. When the other Vks and adults hear of these programs, these programs that are as real as when King Ben invited the Core Four, they will be willing to fight for their chance to get in. They will rise up against the Coven so that they could be free.”

Claudine and Diego still looked suspicious, but Jason, Harold, and Big Murph practically had stars in their eyes. Hermie was smiling shyly and Hadie was tapping his chin thoughtfully. He was the first to pitch in.

“I think there should be something for the victims of Hans and Lars.” Everyone turned to look at him which caused the spiky-blue haired teen to flush and clam up. , Uma nodded empathetically, “Continue.” “Well, I mean-uh.Well we all had it bad. But Prince Hans is another level of bad. I went there once with dad for one of Staylan’s parties and I lurked around and man, that dude is nuts. He has photos of his “harem” all “sexy bruised” and stuff. And Lars…”

Uma narrowed her eyes. She didn’t need Hadie to elaborate on Lars. Gil had already told her everything she needed to know about the icy sadist. It was a term that was generally thrown around for an island full of villains with bloodlust, but Gil described the sickeningly calm way Lars acted. How Lars almost described it in seductive terms the way a whip would constrict a person’s throat until the breath left them. The calculating gaze he’d watch the ones he picked as “lovers.” Apparently a sadism that he picked up from his dad.

“Yeah, everyone knows Drizella is his favorite. Poor Dizzy.” Eddie shook his head.

Dizzy had always been left alone with her grandmother, Lady Tremine, but Uma had always assumed that Drizella, like almost all the parents on the Isle, was neglectful and uncaring. She hadn’t thought that Drizella may have been dealing with her own things.

And why wouldn’t she? That was Gil’s mother had to go through everyday with being Gaston’s unfavorite. While Uma was more concerned with the kids on the Isle, she could see now that some adults may need help too.

“Great. Center for sadist victims. What else have we got?”

“Do we have to go to school if we go to Auradon? I just don’t think I need it. My band is doing pretty well and I bet those royal dorks never heard music like mine.” Diego mock-shredded on his guitar

Uma cocked her head. She got his point. She didn’t think there was anything Auradon Prep had that could teach her anything useful. Like smizing as she heard from Celia Faciliar’s letters from Freddie. Plus there were some teens near adulthood like Harriet who probably wouldn’t want to be forced into classes when they could get jobs. Same with adults who never learned to read in their lives and still didnt want to.

“I’ll talk about it with King Ben. What else?” Uma said.

“Food that isn’t covered with flies. Fresh food, not trash.” Hermie said.

“Uh that’s just a given. None of their food is rotten.” Celia told the lithe brunette before Uma could clarify that good food comes with the territory.

Several ideas were thrown around, but the main ones came down to food, homes away from the possible revenge of their parents and others, and none of the Goodness 101 that Celia heard Freddie taking.

“Great. Now the important thing is that you spread the word of these programs to the other. You have to make people want this badly enough that they will fight. Act like its their only chance because it is. From there, I will send my crew to organize them to key points and learn some better and dirtier fight tactics.” Uma announced.

The rest of the Club nodded somberly at the announcement. There was not much emotion from Uma’s command. No relief, excitement or even nervousness. Just a numb sort of nod that they understood. But the words, “This is your only chance,” clearly rang in their heads.

It was now or never.

Everyone slowly got up to leave, thinking their own thoughts except the blonde who slipped to walk next to Uma, expertly slinking through the alleyways.

“Hi, um, I know we haven’t met before but um.. I’m Cosette.” The literally dirty blonde introduced in a fake high voice, clearly highlighting her nervousness, “I’m Gaston’s daughter. Gil’s half sister? You know Gil right? I mean, of course you do. I’ve seen him and everyone knows he hangs with you. I’m sorry I’m babbling. It’s just this is all so new-”

Uma stopped walking so she could give her her full attention. Yes, now that she stopped to actually look at Cosette, she could see a bit of the resemblance. The blonde hair, the high forehead and cheekbones. She looked older, maybe Harriet’s age, though her ample chest peeking from her corset gave the impression of a woman in her 20s. Unlike Gil, she didn’t have the usually confused look in her eyes. Just scared.

That look heightened Uma’s protective instincts. The helpless usually did that, as unvillainous as that was, plus the Gil resemblance.

“Why haven’t I heard of you before?” Uma asked skeptically even though she was pretty sure Cosette was honest.

“Um I’m a girl. Dad wouldn’t acknowledge me. Actually he tried to throw me away and try again which is why Mom left and… it seemed safer to avoid him. But- but I heard from Celia about this Anti-Villain Club when I went in for a reading, and Celia said you’d come so I thought I’d ask you. You know, for permission.” Uma thought. The story was realistic enough. But there was too much to do right now to focus on a family reunion. Unless…

“I will. You have my word. But first, how good would you say your fighting and/or spying skills?”

[slashingdisneypasta]

MultiVillain x Reader || Drabbles

Plot: Okay, so this is how it goes. Reader’s in love with (Villain), and (Villain) is in love with them… but no one ever said it out loud, and now Reader is marrying someone else.

Includes: Napoleon Boneparte (Misc), Human!Oogie Boogie (Disney Villain), Oswald Cobblepot (Gotham), Slenderman (Creepypasta), The Clown (Horror Villains)

Warnings: Alcohol intake, talk and hints towards murder of course, and swearing. 

Notes:

Inspired by ‘Marry Me’ (Either by Thomas Rhett [The guy’s POV which is what this will be in] or Elle Mears [Your POV, if you wanna see how Reader’s thinking]) and I recommend you listen while you read! ^^

I’m so happy!! I finally wrote something more then headcanons for Oogie! And this is also my first time writing for the Clown, so be easy on me XD

I hope you like this- I for one, am actually pretty proud of it! 

~~~

Napoleon Boneparte (You’re having a nighttime wedding- you made this decision of course so your friend and secret soulmate could attend):

She wants to get married, she wants it perfect She wants her grandaddy preaching the service Yeah, she wants magnolias out in the country Not too many people, save her daddy some money

Before walking into the church, I halt a moment at the side so others may get inside by me. This will be hard. I need a moment, just a moment… to pull myself together. It would be very bad, if I were to panic as Y/N makes their way down the aisle.

Hand on the church, more to hold myself together rather then to hold myself up. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be here? Should I leave? That stupid Capone said I might not be able to control myself and will object when the preacher asks… he’s not right, is he? It’s true, I don’t feel entirely under my own control right now…. But I need to be here. To support Y/N on their big day.

… I do love them, far more than any man every should a nearly married person, and even if I can’t have them for myself, I would, happy, do very near anything to make them happy.

So, if… If they want me here, as they said they do… Then I have to go in. I can’t chicken out now. I am the great Napoleon Boneparte. I can attend a wedding. Bon dieu.

Viva La France.

I can do this.

Forward!

As soon as I walk in, it is as if I am strolling into Y/N’s mind. This is just as they always wanted, with a few obvious added things by the other one that’s getting married today, like the chiselled cat head mahogany chairs… not that I think Y/N would disapprove if they weren’t, in fact, kind enough to just agree right away, seeing as it isn’t only their day.

The white makes a beautiful backdrop for their chosen accent colour, and the people in the room are exactly who I would imagine to accompany Y/N in her daily life, when I cannot be there. There’s not a sour, or in any way unexcited and unencouraging expression in the place.

Honestly, with my whole heart, wish I could feel the same as them.

Then Y/N comes into the room, and steals the breath right out of my chest. Like always.

Human!Oogie Boogie:

Ooh, she got it all planned out Yeah, I can see it all right now

I'll wear my black suit, black tie, hide out in the back I'll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask

Christ, what kinda shindig is this?? I’ve asked everyone and their cat, including somebodies’ mother who looks like a cat, to play a tiny game of Blackjack with me while we wait for the main event, but nothing! Nada! What’s wrong with these people? Are they dying to just sit around and contemplate their loneliness until the two hosts get hitched??

I, for one, am not playing that game today.

Of course, I’m also avoiding Y/N at all costs so maybe I’m not the best example of a man controlling his emotions.

“Oogie!”

My shoulders seize up visibly, at Y/N’s voice behind me and I stop shuffling my cards. I only decide to turn around and face them like a man, when they give up waiting and round me so I can see their beaming face.

Oh, they look so happy.

That’s nice… in a terrible, heartbreaking, awful kind of way.

“Heya, Y/N. You look great!” I start shuffling the cards again in my hand, distracting my hands from and refraining myself from, taking their hand and kissing it, or pulling them into a hug. If I did that, I think theirs an acute possibility I would end up saying something we would both regret, in a moment of determination… and devastation, of course. Can’t forget that.

Really, I can’t. It’s a very prominent feeling right now in my chest, just being here. Just knowing this is happening.

“Thank you!” They beam wider, and oh Jesus. They’re so beautiful when they look happy- I wish I could make them this happy.

… But that’s all the other guy. The one they’re hitching.

They run their bottom lip through their teeth, looking down at the cards in my hands and then smirking in that mischievous way that always somehow makes this blackheart’s insides clench up. In a good way, but still. Tilting their head, they look back up at my face. “Had no luck getting anyone to bet with you yet?”

I let out a deep, theatrical sigh full of frustration. “No! Your guests all suck, Y/N.”

“Even you?”

“No, not me. I’m the King.”

“Right,” They laugh, then goes and sits down at a nearby table. “Well we have 10 minutes until I have to go get ready to walk- I’ll play you if you want!”

My heart pops like a balloon, and goes flying, wheezing around in my rib cage as I just smile at them for a good moment- unmarried, and free, and mine. For ten to fifteen more minutes. Hell yeah, I’m going to sit down and play with them.

Why aren’t I telling them not to? I wonder, as I deal us both cards and they pick theirs up and make cheeky ‘Hmmm’ sounds to throw me off. Why don’t I tell them, right now, how I feel? Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I here, is also a valid question but I already beat myself up over that last night when I was picking out my tie. I’m her friend, and they deserve to be… yuck. Happy, with the person they chose.

And I guess, that’s the answer to all my other questions too.

Let me just enjoy this last game, this last 600 seconds with them.

Oswald Cobblepot:

I remember the night when I almost kissed her Yeah, I kinda freaked out, we'd been friends for forever And I always wondered if she felt the same way When I got the invite, I knew it was too late

And I know her daddy's been dreading this day Oh, but he don't know he ain't the only one giving her away

As soon as Y/N leaves my side to go and freshen up for the aisle walk, I find myself a seat in the very back of the church / auditorium and rest in for the event. I will not be moving from this hidden away spot, in convenient shadow, with my secret flask of terrible smelling stuff that Victor gave me before arriving, until this shitshow is over and I can leave.

I’m only here in the first place, because Y/N asked me. And, evidently, my idiocy runs deep because I accepted such an invitation. I will do anything, for them. I learnt my lesson in dealing in peoples love lives, with Edward and Isobel- I will not let my relationship with Y/N go as badly as that one did, with Ed.

So if I must sit here and watch them marry that moron, (Fiancé’s Name), then that is what I’ll do. But I won’t sit in the front and watch it, and I will be as drunk as whatever this drink can make me.

Maybe I should text Victor, the deadly assassin, and ask what the contaminants are…

An unevolved, ap-like woman walks past my seat and I must be too close to the aisle because I can hear her yap like a strangled cat about what a cute couple Y/N and (Fiancé’s Name) are together and how they must be soulmates, and I don’t think twice before gulping down a huge mouthful of the alcohol. If this is how I die, then so be it, I think bitterly as I slide further down the aisle.

“Fuck!” The word comes out of me before I can stop it, my face probably the picture of horror and disgust. This… drink, if I can even call it that -more of an undiluted acid, if you ask me, - tastes like regret and earwax.

The same ape-like woman from before flashes a stern, disapproving look at me like she thinks she’s my mother, and I show her my middle finger. Uncouth, yes, but affective. This is a bad day, and I am in no mood to deal with bitches like her. She quickly looks away, and I take another, smaller, sip of the drink.

Another moment passes and the wedding doesn’t seem to be even a second closer to ending, so I sit up straight and close my eyes, holding the flask in my lap. Take me back to a better time…

In the silent, middle-of-the-conversation lapse moment, I allow myself to look down at Y/N’s mouth. They have a soft smile, left over from whatever we were just talking about, on their face as they sit comfortably in our silence and I suddenly feel total confidence. They’re here, with me, instead of off with that boy toy / girl toy / gender neutral or fluid toy. They’re with me. That must mean that I mean something to them, right? And Ed said they looked at me like… like, they love me. Or ‘care deeply’, as he put it. But we all know that was just his stiff version of the word ‘love’. Ever since Isobel… had her unfortunate accident… he’s been focused on one emotion only and it is not, love.

Anyway, the confidence spreads through me and I smile. It mixes with my perpetual desire to kiss them, and goddamnit, I should do it. I should just lean over and press a gentle kiss on their mouth- if they aren’t interested or pull away, I can blame it on the wine between us. If not…

Butterflies erupt in my stomach and my chest, and I’ve just lean an inch forward… when their phone rings on the table and I see (Boyfriends Name) flash on the screen.

I rush to lean completely back in my chair, as they answer. I don���t like to believe fate has anything to do with Gotham, but… that was entirely too close.

My eyes snap open and I roll my shoulders back, inhaling another, bigger slug of the contents of the flask and feel even angrier.

That was, most certainly not a better time, you nitwit.

Slenderman:

Bet she got on her dress now, welcoming the guests now

I could try to find her, get it off of my chest now But I ain't gonna mess it up, so I'll wish her the best now

I’ve been sitting in the back of this church, a place I likely shouldn’t ever enter in the first place -Well, at least I’m not Offender. I would probably burn to death, in that scenario, - for over 2 hours and I only got to see Y/N for 45 and a half minutes of that time.

Not that that really matters. Its more important that they see me. I certainly don’t want to see them. I don’t wish to see them, or their wedding clothes, or their wedding guests, or the stupid moony smiles on their faces, or the cake, or their partner. Definitely not their partner. If they show their face before they absolutely have to, or worse, talk to me, I will promptly go home and kill 30 people. I don’t want to be here.

I shouldn’t be here, in fact. If I were a good man, I wouldn’t be here. A good man would never turn up to a wedding that he know’s he’s just going to sit back in and think unholy, too-fond and too-angry thoughts about one of the marriage participants. Marriage is supposedly a sacred thing, and if I were this good man that I’m thinking about, I wouldn’t urinate on it like this.

But I am not a good man.

So, really, what would I know about what a good man, would do in the first place?

Enough thinking about good men, it’s making me queasy and very uncomfortable.

I don’t look around, but I can infer with general certainty, that Y/N will be welcoming all her other guests now that I ‘allowed’ -Not that I could have stopped them. They just didn’t want to leave me in my own company,- them to let me be alone here. And they’re in their wedding clothes, which look lovely on them, and their smiling and their giddy.

Giddy. Ugh, I hate that word, especially in this sense. Defined by the Cambridge English Dictionary as ‘feeling silly, happy, and excited and showing this in your behaviour’. And by the Oxford, to ‘Make (Someone) feel excited to the point of disorientation.’. Yes, I looked up these definitions and memorised them before I came, and loathe every single word, in that order.

Because apparently, as if it wasn’t already obvious by the very fact that I’m HERE, I hate myself.

This other person has made Y/N giddy, while I have to sit here and pretend, I’m happy for them both and that I don’t feel like vomiting for the first time in 5 centuries.

But I can’t do anything about it, because I love them, Y/N, and I will… I will not, allow myself to be the reason their wedding wasn’t perfect. So, I wish them the best.

Or I try my damn hardest to.

The Clown / Jeffry Hawk / Kenneth Chase:

So I'm in my black suit, black tie, hiding out in the back Doing a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees Yeah, she wanna get married Yeah, she gonna get married But she ain't gonna marry me

I don’t know if I’d call this a real wedding. For one, its in the entities realm so how ‘magical’ could it really be? And for another reason, the only white thing here is my grease paint. Its pretty laughable. I would laugh, in fact, if I didn’t know it would cause a coughing fit and bring attention to me as Y/N walks down the aisle- O don’t need them looking at me. I might accidentally blurt out an ‘oopsie’ or something not-at-all funny like that, with all the whiskey I’ve injected today. Not that that would be the biggest issue with these kids seeing that I’m here, in the first place. Only Y/N knows, I’m hiding by a tree.  

But, I digress I guess. They’re calling it a wedding. The big one with the beard is officiating -I guess he has an online certificate from before he was brought here,- , Y/N’s wearing a pit of plastic bag on their head like a make shift veil / bit of plastic bag fashioned sort of like a tie, and all the lovely little fingers, or survivors as they like to call themselves, watch. With silly gleaming smiles and hope in their eyes- Pft, suckers.

Honestly the idea of weddings in the first place make me a bit uncomfortable. All those wide eyes watching and perving on your happiness?? Seems pretty creepy to me, and I’ve been told I’m pretty creepy myself! So, I would know!

The fact that possibly the sweetest, perfect person I’ve ever had the pleasure of setting my gaze upon is the one getting married, has absolutely no stake on my take on weddings in this moment.

Absolutely not…

Aha… hahahaha…

I kill myself.

I kill them, too, but let’s put that on the backburner like their fingers, for now.

Let me wallow in self-pity for a while longer before we start making jokes.

Yeah, let me… I take a swig of my flask -a bee-oootiful concoction of all the most toxic hootch I have in my collection, and maybe also some actual poison maybe since I wasn’t paying much attention when I created it this morning and I keep it all in relatively the same place, - and savour the horrible flavour on my tongue. Let me wallow, for a little bit.

This is going to be a bad day, for these little fuckers when I get into the game.

[minaminokyoko]

Peace Talks Reactions

Hey, Dresden Fandom. You guys may or may not be knee deep in Peace Talks, but if you are, I welcome you to the below reactions, in handy dandy bullet form. I would love to discuss the book if you’re interested, whether you reblog with comments or shoot me a chat. I just finished the book, so all spoilers are below the Read More tag. 

Woof. Well, at least it was something after six fucking years of waiting.

·         So before Butcher’s giant hiatus, we had this first chapter of Peace Talks already and I have to say I still feel like I felt six years ago: I don’t really know where he’s going with Thomas becoming a father. In terms of what that will do for him as a character. For Harry, it’s different. Harry keeps it close to the chest with his decisions, willing to die for the greater good in an instant, and becoming a father made him have to be more careful and thoughtful in his actions to be sure he can be there for his baby girl. I’m not sure where Butcher is going with this for Thomas, but I guess we’ll see.

·         I was pleased to find out Harry decided to stick with the protected apartment and is trying his best on Dad duty. Me gusta.

·         Right, let’s get to the first big elephant in the room: Ebenezar. Oh my fucking God. I want to punch his fucking lights out. My friend and I have argued about his reaction to seeing Thomas at the apartment already. I know Eb has Harry by a thousand years or more in experience, but it pisses me off that Eb can’t be bothered to learn more about Thomas. Nope. Just skip straight to irrational anger.  It was also disappointing to find out that Eb is not a part of Harry’s life as much as I thought he was in the past, so clearly he doesn’t understand how important Thomas is to him. I’m a bit miffed that Harry didn’t explain Thomas is his half-grandson to help him understand, but at the same time, Harry might be worried about what that revelation will do. Either way, it displays a massive lack of trust in Harry. To think Harry—who has survived all this fucking shit from the supernatural world so far—is just a pawn and he doesn’t know how incredibly dangerous the White Court is. Eb is downright disrespectful and insulting to his own grandson. I’m sorry, but I think he’s being an asshat in huge proportions by just thinking Harry is too stupid to know better and by not asking him why he feels loyal to Thomas.

·         In that same vein, Eb’s whole thing about wanting Harry to leave Maggie somewhere can kiss my ass. I’m with Harry on this one. It’s not that I don’t trust the foster care system and I think anything negative about adoption, either. Maggie is a target because she’s a Dresden. That’s it. There is nothing she can ever do about it. She is the daughter of Harry Dresden, Captain fuckin’ Disaster of the supernatural world. There is no place she can go where she will be safe and Harry is honestly her best shot at being watched over and protected, but not only that, if she’s gonna be in danger her whole life, she might as well be loved and cared for by her father too. Harry brings up such a good point about feeling abandoned and rejected and how Eb’s “protection” jag didn’t work for Margaret either. I know he wants what’s best for her, but I agree that Maggie has a better chance of surviving at Harry’s side than somewhere else. Hell’s bells, that’s how this whole fucking thing started anyway. Susan’s bitch ass hid the kid and it didn’t work. Sheesh.

·         And now the other elephant in the room: Murphy. I think part of me forgot how severe her injuries were. I had assumed months of PT and such would allow her to be mobile again, but then I read Chapter 5 and now I’m just angry and hurt. You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. You just don’t. I can’t help it. Murphy is my favorite, goddamn it. I’ve reread the books where she’s helping Harry the most because their dynamic is so phenomenal. They’re my OTP. She is one of the best written female characters I’ve ever known, so ripping her ability to be at Harry’s side away is so…2020. It’s just a nasty, horrible thing and it’s shot my excitement for this novel right in the foot. I didn’t realize how important it was to me that Murphy is Harry’s badass ace in the hole until I was told she’ll be lucky to walk again. I know things have to get worse for characters in order for them to grow, but fuck this so much. I am praying she gets a magical contract or healing or a wish or something so she’s back in action or I’m done.

·         With that same elephant, fuck Jim Butcher for skipping over the foreplay at the end of Chapter 5. Yes, I said it. Fuck him. I know he thinks it’s funny to frustrate us, but this is an act of betrayal of the highest order. Why? Because I’ve waited TWENTY FUCKING YEARS for Harry and Murphy to go canon, and what does he do the first time we, the audience, get to see them in a relationship? Cut to curtains fluttering. Fuck you. We deserved that foreplay scene. No, I will NOT use my fucking imagination, pun intended. I just paid you $15 to use YOUR imagination, Jim. You spent fifteen books building up the trust, love, loyalty, and sexual tension of these two characters. That’s countless words and countless pages. And now that they’re FINALLY together, nope, skip it. Skip what should have been something intimate and powerfully emotional. Ha-ha-fucking-ha. I hope you step on a Lego barefoot. I will try to have faith that Butcher will give us what we want—a canon version of Chapter 14 of Skin Game—but if he doesn’t, I’m gonna lose my fucking mind.

·         The thought of Mab and Lara Raith working together is utterly terrifying. No. Just no. Ugh, there are bad times ahead. I also thought it was kind of contrived that Lara is owed favors, which forces Harry to not be able to say no, and I think it’s a bit lazy on Jim’s part for this convenient block to be there and he can’t refuse the favors. It just felt like he didn’t want to put the energy into painting Harry into a corner this time, so here, a convenient favor. That being said, I cackled when Mab called him a bowl of porridge. That was legitimately hilarious. What a bitch.

·         Mm, Harry just called Murphy his girlfriend. I’ve waited twenty years for that alone. *happy sigh*

·         Oh, great. Someone sent Thomas to assassinate someone. I’m betting blackmail, whether he admits to it or not.

·         LOL @ Harry’s cursing policy with Maggie.

·         Harry. Don’t. Make. Promises. EVER.

·         I would not be the least bit surprised if this assassination attempt is Mab’s idea to cut off all of Harry’s allies but her so he will have no choice but to use her protection more often. Mab is a cold fuckin’ piece. Pun intended.

·         Harry, for real, do not square up with Ebenezar. You are a wolf, for sure, but that man is a werewolf by comparison.

·         I’m getting real tired of Ebenezar’s anti-vampire schtick. I get it. They’re bad. Now shut up.

·         This is so unfortunate: I’ve been missing Lara Raith just because she’s a hoot but with this whole favor thing and Harry and Murphy being fitted for chastity belts, I’m more tired than anything else.

·         Oh, neat, one of Gard’s sisters!

·         Of course Lara knows about Thomas being Ebenezar’s grandson. It’s Lara.

·         Oh, good, I’m sure whatever deal Harry just made with Molly isn’t stupid or reckless.

·         Yes, Sanya is a VERY weird man. That is an understatement, Butters.

·         Aha. I had a hunch it was River Shoulders and not the Genoskwa.

·         And oh good, the Genoskwa’s not dead. Yay. I hate you, Butcher.

·         Now there is a good tidbit of story for the series: that the reason everything is accelerating into bad news is we’re about to hit that 666 year mark that people are talking about, where the even worse shit hits. We’ve had small clues about Harry being starborn and this helps provide context for the shit that happens to him. I hope it’s not a Chosen One scenario, but it does explain why he’s been in so many scrapes and why he’s made it out of them so far. However, I tend to dislike destiny in most stories. It can get tedious. We’ll see what’s in store.

·         Ugh, and there it is, but I already knew Lara was gonna make poor Harry break Thomas out from the book trailer anyhow. Sigh.

·         Murphy calling the White Council useless is a fuckin’ mood and a half. I swear, they ain’t nothing but useless since these books first started. Harry hit the nail on the head earlier with Carlos and the Wardens, that they spend a lot of time talking at Harry but not listening. That’s been their entire M.O. from the start. They don’t listen to anything he has to say; they just insist they know better and that he should fall in line, not caring about what he has on said line, which is very often innocent lives. I love the hypocrisy of them preaching to him about making cold, rational decisions when it’s not their asses who have to deal with the consequences. Yes, there is fallout from what Harry does, but the opposition is always there and it doesn’t act solely based on what Harry Dresden does. I really fucking hate the Council at this point.

·         So we get a second of tender kissing in the tub and an “I love you” and then Butcher cuts away again. I am so over it. I don’t have enough energy to put towards how angry he’s making me right now and he doesn’t deserve it anyway. I cannot believe he spent all this time building this relationship up and then makes it canon and won’t touch it. Fuck you.

·         Murphy immediately spotting all three of Harry’s tails is life. God, I love my bad bitch.

·         I do like that Harry has been practicing his Veils. That’s smart. It also shows character development and wisdom that he’s recognizing how much more useful stealth is and that even though it’s hard for him, it’s worth the effort to learn. Good book boyfriend.

·         It’s still Murphy, bitch. Injured or not. My queen is a queen. Try her if you want, Freydis.

·         PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT MURPHY YOU POOR CATHOLIC DARLING COME HERE. That pass was hilariously unexpected in a book that hasn’t been all that funny so far. Thanks, Jim. That got a whole bunch of cackling out of me.

·         “I like your brother.” I just clapped and squealed. I mean, duh, of course Murphy likes Thomas, but this pleases me greatly to hear her say it aloud. Murph is tough and doesn’t like to say stuff like that out loud usually. I’m delighted.

·         For all my complaints, I appreciate Butcher bringing Murphy in to help Harry plan everything. She’s hella smart and experienced in matters where you need to get someone out without being all guns a-blazing. And it is an apology for her being benched halfway thru Skin Game, imo.

·         Oh, shit. Harry doesn’t know Molly’s the one who attacked Carlos. Ugh. I bet this is gonna explode in someone’s face.

·         And Harry just fucked up the rest of his friendship with Carlos, not know Molly already did the same thing. Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.

·         “You just went from a three to a six.” Jesus Christ, immortals are so savage, I swear. I laughed, tho. That was mean as hell.

·         I’m dying that Freydis wants a threesome with Harry and Murphy. I mean, who can blame her? Fuck, I want a threesome with Harry and Murphy, if I’m being totally honest here. The thirst is so fucking real.

·         Finally, someone made a joke about Harry and Murphy getting together.

·         Ah, this IS what I missed about Lara, though—she loves to fuck with Harry for the lolz and nothing other than the lolz. I mean, he’s such a peach. I would do the same thing.

·         Also, Jim, for God’s sake, make up your mind about vampires getting burned! I don’t get it. Thomas can touch Harry, and Harry is and always has been loved, so when do vampires get burned and when do they not? We’ve seen Harry touch Lara even when Susan was still alive and remember the kiss in White Night? MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND. I had a debate about this with another fan because it’s so goddamn inconsistent! If anyone being loved by anyone else burns them, then that would mean the entire world would be in the know about White Court vampires because they’d get burnt left and right touching people who are loved. I thought it only happens if they try to feed, not just touching each other. I think Jim needs to pay better attention to his own lore or finally spit out an explanation. We’ll see if he does later with that whole kiss thing from the book trailer, I guess. Argh! *Yosemite Sam curses*

·         I’m really starting to hate Harry’s condition and the fact that he didn’t stop to ask Eb what it is or how to stop it. Ugh.

·         Oh, good, and now everyone will think Harry and Lara are a couple. Convenient. Like they don’t already have constant trust issues. I’m sure Eb won’t block a gasket or anything.

·         Oh, yay, a Malcolm Dresden flashback! This is a delightful surprise. Like a lot of the fanbase, we’ve always wanted to know more about him. He seemed like a good man.

·         Yay! Vadderung to the rescue!

·         Okay, I do NOT like Murphy being alone with a starving Thomas and Lara. Not one little bit.

·         Ah, so the goddess Ethniu gets introduced in this book. That’s why Peace Talks got split and then Battle Ground popped out as the next book.

·         “You’re out of the White Council if you do this.” FUCK YOU, EBENEZAR. Jesus Christ, fuck you. All the Council has EVER done is use and abuse Harry Dresden. They have constantly blamed him for everything or forced him to fight their goddamn battles. You can shove it right up your old crusty ass for all I care. I am sick to death of this belief that they are just so righteous and trustworthy and good when they’re self-important douchebags who think that people are ants and can’t be bothered to protect them unless it directly benefits the Council.

·         I think I’m angriest because up until this point, Ebenezar has been mostly reasonable and it feels inorganic that Jim pushed him this hard. It’s just kind of exhausting because it feels like the plot needs Eb to lose his shit instead of it being something natural. I won’t be shocked if we find out he’s been compromised somehow, but I guess I’ll have to find out myself.

·         Murphy is right on the money. We thought we knew Eb, but we REALLY don’t. And that sucks. A lot. Especially since Harry has barely any family at all.

·         I can honestly tell why this book took Jim six years to write. It’s awful stagnant. It’s the exact same reason that the first draft of Of Fury and Fangs kicked my ass. I wrote the story in the first draft incorrectly, in a way, because all the characters were passive for the most part, and the other half of the problem was that I got halfway through this book and thought up an idea for a better book, but in order for the better book to happen, there were too many things I couldn’t ignore in this one, so I still had to finish it and make it good. Peace Talks, to me, feels like it’s obligatory to set up the next book, and maybe that’s why it feels lackluster to me. It’s a transitional book, which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s definitely in the bottom five of the entire series. Transitional books aren’t bad, but they aren’t good either. Most authors know that this tends to happen if you write a trilogy. All the really big, important shit tends to happen in the first and third book if you’re not careful. In this case, yeah, there’s stuff happening, but it’s largely passive. It’s kind of like why back in 2010 people were so hard on Iron Man 2—it spent all this time setting up shit for the MCU, which in the long run is a good thing, but that makes it weak when it tries to stand on its own. 

As it stands, Peace Talks is mediocre. Jim took way too many shortcuts. It felt rushed, ironically enough, because he was so busy moving pieces around to set up for Battle Ground that Peace Talks doesn’t really stand out as interesting or likable like the other books. I really understand why he got stuck and couldn’t write on it for six years. My two biggest beefs here are him pushing Ebenezar into the antagonist role and him completely fucking bailing on the Harry/Murphy relationship after sixteen books of waiting. I mean, yeah, fine, because everything in this book is just set up for Battle Ground, maybe then we’ll get more acknowledgment of the romance and the importance of the relationship, but as it stands, I’m dissatisfied with both aspects. This is part of why we didn’t want a hiatus. If you make us wait this long, inevitably, the result is not going to be up to par. There are VERY few things we as people have waited forever for that ended up living up to our expectations. I almost feel like all the fan theories and fanfiction was a better, more creative result than what actually happened in Peace Talks. That’s harsh, I know, but I’ve been reading the fan generated stuff for six years and that’s just how I feel. 

This is a mediocre novel that’s placing a LOT of weight on what’s to come, which is dangerous from a quality standpoint. It could be a lot worse. I was expecting a disaster. Instead, I got a disappointment. I can live with it, but only if Battle Ground makes up for it. If it doesn’t, then we’re all in a world of hurt.

I’ll take maybe a week or so and then consider if I want to do an actual review or not. We’ll see how I feel once I digest everything and talk it out with friends.

Overall Grade: 3 out of 5 stars

[pretend-writer]

Down Below (Chapter 63)

Summary: After being sent down on Earth with the other prisoners from the Ark, Y/N Reyes faces series of events and learns about survival. With new things happening around her, she is now starting a new chapter in her life.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader, Raven Reyes x sister!reader

Word Count: 2.1k words

Warning: swearing, mention of death, violence, cannibalism

Down Below Masterlist

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

'Why are you telling me this now?' Bellamy kept his head low, starring at the ground while sitting on the bench in his cell.

Finally telling him the truth about the Dark Year was pretty tough, considering the fact that that was the reason why we fell apart. He was going into the fighting pit and it seemed like the right thing to do.

'Figured I'd tell you since we're in a pretty fucked up situation.'

'It doesn't add up. What does Kane have to do with any of the things you told me?'

The flashback pained me, it's been over 4 years since the betrayal but it still hurt. 'Days later I told Marcus the truth about everything. He didn't believe me and instead sided with that monster.'

'A monster?' Bellamy huffed, standing up as he walked towards me. 'You had a choice to back away from everything and you blame Abby?'

'Are you kidding me?'

My eyes began to water as I remembered all of the hidden memories that I tried so hard to shove deep down. I never cried about the Dark Year but perhaps since it was the first time I've ever spoke about it out loud, it finally felt real.

'A grown adult who was supposed to protect us threatened to kill my friend if I didn't do as she said, told me to do something absolutely disgusting. You know exactly how it feels to be manipulated. Bellamy, you know!'

'You could've told Kane right when that happened. That doesn't excuse you for what you did for the rest of the years you've been in the bunker.'

'I was told to be brave, be strong. Look out for grown adults that should be able to take care of themselves. I was only a teenager, just a stupid teenager and was betrayed by someone I was supposed to look up to.' I took a deep breath and shook my head. 'What was I supposed to do? I felt alone. I had to keep doing what we were doing to survive.'

Bellamy flared his nose, I couldn't tell if he was angry or frustrated. Either way I knew it wasn't a good sign. 'I told you that I'm always here for you, why didn't you ever tell me?'

'How was I supposed to tell you that I've killed people down there? That someone manipulated me and I fell for it? Considering that I've been trying to be good all these years before the bunker, it's embarrasing. I lost trust in everyone, everyone but Octavia. Then you showed up, then got my sister taken away. What was I supposed to do?'

'But you're my gir-' He paused, I knew exactly what he was going to say. Given the circumstances I guess it was all over. 'I thought we had an understanding that we'd always be able to trust each other.'

'Well, things change especially after six years. You know now, Blake. It's easier for you to judge when you're the outside looking in. You didn't know how bad it was. Every trigger that I pulled is in my hands forever and I have to live with that.'

Bellamy started at me, 'I don't feel sorry for you.'

'For fuck sakes I'm not asking for you to be sorry for me, you ass!' I screamed, 'You could be dying in a few hours right in that fucking fighting pit. I-I'

'You can just end it, you know that right? Instead you're here trying to give me this sob story.'

I rolled my eyes, 'You know what, do whatever the hell you want. I mean that was your motto after all. Just go to the fucking pit for all I care.'

'It's not like I have a choice!' Bellamy yelled as I turned my back against him and stormed to the exit.

Stopping right as I was about to grab the door to leave, I quickly turned around. 'What do you want me to do, huh? Stop the fighting pit? You broke the rules and this is the consequences you have to face.'

'You said you're the one that started the fighting pit so fucking end it! It doesn't have to be this way.' Bellamy face palmed, kicking the wall as he grunted. 'You and Octavia just want to do whatever is convenient for you two. Come down here and try to sweet talk me when I'm about to die.'

'Octavia came down to see you?'

'Yep, of course she did. Now she wants me to be her sweet brother and beat Indra in the fighting pit, when all she have to do is stop th-'

My eyes widened, shocked to hear that Octavia was willing to sacrifice her mentor and someone she deeply loved for her brother.

Indra was someone she truly loved besides Bellamy, she considered her as family. Yet Octavia was okay to tell her brother to kill her.

Bellamy saw my reaction and chuckled, 'Abby played you but so did Octavia. She had you wrapped around her finger.'

Talking about the Dark Year already had me in the verge of tears, I didn't want to be sad over Octavia either. Especially in front of Bellamy.

Just thinking about the possibility of Octavia could throw me under the bus next as if it was nothing made me think of the past six year we had together. I've killed people to protect Octavia from Abby, would she do the same? Or would she throw my life away just as she was doing with Indra's?

'Reyes, I'm not fighting Gaia and Indra in the pit. I'm not stooping to you guys' level and start killing people.'

I was busy thinking about my friendship with Octavia, I barely heard what Bellamy said. This all suddenly felt so stupid to me, what was the point of even fighting anymore?

All of the people I've cared about were gone; Marcus, Bellamy and now Octavia. Raven probably would just laugh at my face once she sees what I've turned into. She would be shameful of me, I would never expect my sister to stay by my side after all of the mess I've made.

'Do you think I like doing all of this shit? I don't enjoy seeing people die or killing them. I sure don't want to see you die.'

'I don't know who you are anymore, Reyes. I don't know what you like or hate, I don't even know if you love me.'

'Of course I love you.' Why wouldn't I? After I lost everything down here, Bellamy was the only person I ever thought about. 'You were the reason I kept going. The reminder of your voice telling me to survive, for you.'

Everyday down at the bunker, I always thought of the what-ifs. What if I stayed with Jasper in Arkadia and spent the rest of my shortened life happy? What if I refused to give Echo or even Emori the suit and went up to The Ring with Bellamy?

I know that one thing was for certain; any of the choices would've been better than spending six years of hell under this bunker. It turned me to someone I hated; I was no better than my parents, Pike or even Emerson that traumatized me for so long. I've become them.

'Bellamy...' I called for his name, 'The day we first met, I hated you for treating people the way you did. I hated what you did with Pike and I judged you for that. All those times of me preaching to be good and now I've become worse than any of the people that we've ever met. I'm sorry that I've changed and I'm sorry that you had to see me like this.'

Even when Abby blackmailed me to kill Wonkru, I knew it was wrong. Just as Marcus always said, we always have a choice. I had a choice to stand up and call her out, instead I hid behind and took innocent lives. I've failed at becoming a great leader and now, I realized that all the anger I had these years was toward myself.

Looking at Bellamy one more time would've just pained me even more, I had to walk away from his cell. Instead, I walked straight to look for Octavia. I had to try to talk her out on the punishment her brother was going to face.

The idea of Octavia basically throwing Indra's life away still didn't sit right with me. I was more sad and upset than angry that she would do such thing.

As I was headed toward Octavia's office, I felt a tug on my arm. 'Y/N!'

'Monty?' I was surprised to see him, also surprised that he was willing to talk to me. 'W-what are you going here?'

'I was looking for Octavia but found you instead. Look! Look what I have.' His smile always cheered me up; Even at times like this he was positive.

Before I asked him what it was, he brought out a pot filled with flowers. 'Why do you have that?'

'Flowers, Y/N! Can you believe it?! How long has it been since we've seen something this beautiful?' He grinned widely, 'Cooper gave me her hydrofarm right before she died but guess what? It still works. We can have enough crops growing to feed us. We don't have to storm into Shallow Valley and instead, we can live here.'

I couldn't find a word to say as I was processing everything that Monty said to me. All these years when we feared for our life ending stopped right at this moment.

We had never had any source of food other than eating human meat for a very long time. The fact that we didn't have to fight our way into a warzone to live made me feel relieved. This was a feeling that I haven't had in a while.

Monty noticed that I hadn't reacted to his good news, 'Are you alright?'

'Yeah... yeah.' I paused, then looked at Monty as I bit my lips. 'How do you do it? Be a good person all the time and being everyone's light?'

His brows raised, perhaps he was surprised that I wasn't acting hostile for once. After all, I have been a bitch ever since we crawled out from the bunker. 'Long time ago, a certain someone was walking in the same shoes as me.'

'No, no Monty. I've always had my ups and downs starting with the whole Jasper situation.' I chuckled, a bit embarrassed. 'I was a mess and I guess I am right now too. But you Monty, you're always so pure and have good judgment.'

Monty gave a light smile, 'It's hard especially at a time like this. I miss the last six years in the Ring where we had none of this chaos.'

My heart broke for him; Spacekru was happy up there, thinking and expecting that Octavia and I were doing great down here too. Instead they came down to this disfunctional family and was dragged into the mess that we made.

'I'm sorry for making you guys' life a living hell. You guys don't deserve this.'

'I can't really say it's not your fault because it kind of is.' He chuckled, 'But seems like you've slowly started to show effort already. It doesn't sound like Skafaiya that I'm talking to.'

'Definitely not her and I think I'm done being Skafaiya.' She was someone I thought was a savior for Wonkru, instead she was terror that everyone feared.

'Seeing you again after saving you guys from the bunker made me think that you've lost your ways forever. I thought that the Y/N that everyone loved and respected was gone.' Monty nodded, 'Turns out I was wrong.'

A smile formed on my face, appreciating the way he handled everything considering that he had every right to hate me. As I was about to thank him, I smelled something burning.

Monty and I looked at each other, confused to why something was burning inside the bunker. Curiously, we both followed the smoke that eventually led into the hydrofarm.

There stood Blodreina, smirking as she stared at the fire as it burned down our last resort of food. The whole farm were now into flames; everything that Monty built for us to survive was gone.

‘Octavia!’ I placed my hand on her shoulders, worried that she was too close to the fire. ‘You’re going to hurt yourself.’

‘What did you do!’ Monty yelled with his fist balled up.

‘No, no she didn’t do this.’ I disagreed with Monty, knowing that there was no way Octavia would demolish our options to survive. ‘O, you didn’t do this right?’

She bit her lip as she turned her head to my direction. ‘Wonkru is going to march into Shallow Valley and take what we deserve. Burning this farm down is the only way to survive.’

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

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[megaminds-destiny]

You know that moment in a movie, where the hero has tried to defeat the villain, they have failed and now they’re all upset, feeling like they can’t do it, and later on somebody comes up and talks to them and tells them they actually are good enough, and if they try again they will get it right, ect, ect.

This is not one of those moments.

Not by a long shot... in a way it sort of looks like one, and chances are that is what DreamWorks intended it to be, but if we just get straight down to things, Megamind had absolutely every right to say what he said in this scene.

I know that here, he definitely has doubt that he could ever defeat Titan. It would be foolish to even consider that he could beat him to be honest. After knowing closely, and blowing up Metro Man unsuccessfully especially, but that is actually entirely besides the point. In reality, it’s not even about whether he could defeat Titan or not, it’s whether Roxanne even has the right to actually ask him that in the first place.

Megamind was assigned to the role of villain at birth. He did everything that he could to tear himself away from that position, and aimed to become the exact opposite. This resulted continuously in abuse and punishment. Verbally, physically, implicative, you name the method, and that’s how the message was conveyed. Now... as a child, he thought to himself that what he wanted, what he was interested in doing, becoming, was important, and he wanted to prove that he could be good. But the world beat it into him that he was not. Is was actually in fact his Destiny, that he become a villain. It was actually HIS fault that all this abuse was inflicted upon him, his fault for trying to be something that he was not meant to be. Destiny, they hit a keyword there. ‘Destined for’ had a special place in his heart, as the last words his father had ever spoken to him, and without the need for that to be communicated out loud, it was picked up on by those around him, and used to get him to do as he was told, and accept whatever happened to him, while conveniently taking away his right to speak up or defend himself about it. So as well as that, at this point it’s become a spiritual thing, where people are actually using a Divine Entity as a logic system to convince Megamind that he actually has no say in the matter. In fact, if he tried to change who he was Destined to be, it would affect the balance of the universe- there can’t be any ‘Yang with no Yin,’ and this is the way the world stays ‘Perfect and Rosy’. If he were to fight this, it would not only destroy the balance, possibly the world, and hurt other people if he succeeded, but also there was no chance that he could succeed because Destiny ultimately had the control- not Megamind. And he would suffer continuous punishment for as long as he disobeyed. This is mental manipulation, and the way you convince someone to believe things that are absurd or untrue. (Similar to a cult, or abusive parent/child relationship)

So where’s the relevance in this? It IS relevant, because this is the mindset and logic system that Megamind has been following for his entire life. Believing with all his heart that his suffering in the past was the result of his own disobedience to the universe itself, and the only way to not be punished, the only right thing to do was to be a villain, as shown. And so? He stayed a villain all his life, and did the absolute best job of it that he could. Made a life out of it. Plotted and scemed, carried out his evil plans, got caught, sent to prison, escaped and repeated the process over and over. It worked. But of course, it came with it’s fair share of cons. Isolation. He never got to have a real family, it’s up to our imagination how the prison inmates treated him as a child, but even so they aren’t there with him anymore. Rejection. A lot of it. It was just a part of being a villain. He was accepted in a way, as a brilliant bad guy, but nothing more than that. He was never given the space to actually hope that one day he could have a friend other than Minion, he could have a relationship with somebody kind to him, or a family of his own in any regard. Purposeless. In the fact that while he does have a ‘purpose’, it’s not actually up to him whether that was what he wanted to do or not. And while we already know he makes the best of it all that he possibly can (as a result of acceptance and the sheer positivity and optimism of his character) it hurts him in the way that he will never feel what freedom is like, and he will never be granted the right to choice. He’s stripped of his right to go after his dreams of being a hero.

It would be hard enough if... if say somebody actually took the time and went to the effort to explain to him the truth... it would be extremely difficult to accept that the reason he was living this way all his life against his genuine will, was because a bunch of people wanted to be assholes and push him around for no valid reason. That’s how school kids are, but nobody seems to have ever stepped in. He wasn’t doing anyone any favours, and he should have been allowed to - in fact it should have been his right as a sentient being to get the choice in how he wanted to think, behave and live his life (without hurting anybody else or taking away someone else’s freedom). The prison actually had no right to keep him hostage as a baby/child, and somebody should have been there to protect him when he was being bullied. He needed and he deserved to have somebody step in in his defence, and tell him the truth about his situation. Long ago. Not now. And not like this- as a demand, without explanation, incompatible to the logic system, without acknowledging his current pattern of thinking (where it came from and how it came about) it can’t be disregarded, because this is what he does to survive. To not be tortured, punished, or suffer consequences. To do the right thing, follow the rules, keep the city, keep Destiny happy. He is in no position where he can just drop these rules and this logic system that he follows! His hands are metaphorically tied. Roxanne has offered him no alternative thinking pattern whatsoever, the idea is not compatible. She might as well have suggested he go and throw himself off a cliff, but even that wouldn’t have held the consequence of failing the Destiny he was assigned at birth, and throwing the universe out of whack. It already felt like he had messed with the balance enough as it was.

But wait there’s more! This discussion they had just had with Metro Man, was not encouraging as the former super hero had seemed to have intended. In fact, it was about as far from encouraging as he could have possibly got. Metro Man, in Megamind’s mind had basically told them that he didn’t feel obligated to his role as the ‘Yang’. He admitted that he didn’t really care, in fact he thought that the entire thing about fighting each other was just silliness. They were just messing around. There was no Divine Power, he never felt obligated to fill his assigned role. If the universe went out of whack because he decided he’d rather mess around with a guitar instead of mess around playing hero, then somebody else should do something about it. If the Universe really needed someone to fill this empty ‘Yang’ position, then why can’t Megamind just do it. Heck, maybe it wasn’t a coincidence that somebody else became a villain and pushed Megamind out of his role. Things were at an imbalance now, but all Megamind had to do was become a hero and he done with it. Problem hecking solved. No more Metro Man needed. But wait a second just hold up there Mr Jackass sir... why was it then, that when Megamind attempted to escape his role as ‘Yin’, he got so severely punished? How actually was it, that Metro Man managed to get off Scott free? As if in Metro Man’s own words- everyone in the whole city had a choice. Except the actual person being forced into things was actually Megamind. All his life, he is not only forced into this position he never chose, but also forced to accept it, forced to believe it’s actually a good thing, told directly that what he wants doesn’t matter, and that he is not allowed to question/rebel/change his mind/quit- ever. With consequences in place, waiting for him to slip up. And along comes Metro Man who’s been given the position Megamind sees as a GIFT, where he doesn’t miss out on connection, conversation, relationships, acceptance, love, affection, validation, just people actually liking him and caring about him and the only thing he really misses out on is... a choice apparently? For Metro Man to be preaching to Megamind how unfair it was that he didn’t have a choice in being a hero, when he was the one who actually initiated the whole thing in the first place, made up all these rules and pretended that all of this stuff was fact. But the worst part is... he still didn’t tell him that. Metro Man still, didn’t tell Megamind that he ought to have a choice in the matter too.

Roxanne is a smart woman, and she’s a reporter too. I don’t think there’s any way that she doesn’t know about Megamind’s background, therefore why he thinks the way he does. (And if not she never stopped to ask him why he thinks this way) I don’t think she had the right to ask this of him, to try to defeat Titan, as a hero, when just the night before she had actively participated in being one of those people who forced him into his role by not only rejecting him, but also saying to him that he would never get the chance to change his mind about who he wants to be. Because of what he’s done, and who his is- he can never change. She is the one who told him that, and for her to have the nerve to then turn around and suggest that it is up to him to change his Destiny, when Destiny has always been the one controlling/disciplining him... it’s just not a fair thing to ask at all. Especially after everything that while they were inside, Metro Man had just told him. That had already been just a massive slap in the face, and what Roxanne said to him afterwards was ultimately just another one. He has the right to be in grief. She was surprised at him, but genuinely there was no other reactions in the bank to be had.