#or a girl being okay with being in an abusive relationship | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

perpetuelledaydreaming · 3 years ago

Text

18 | prologue

summary: billy has always loved the sea and his mother, and yet he has always known that love wasn't for him. Now that he's older he just has his Camaro and the routine of leaving girls bed's at dawn, yet nothing prepared him for what he saw on one of his nights out.

warnings: domestic abuse, swearing, mentions of sex.

listen to: Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince - Taylor Swift | Family line - Conan Gray | This love - Maroon 5 (playlist here)

word count: 1.5k

series masterlist

Billy Hargrove had always known that love wasn’t for him.

He might’ve not known it when he was too young when he didn’t manage to perceive what kind of relationship his parents had but god, as soon as he realized it, his perception of loved seemed forever tainted.

He loved his mother, he truly did. She was always there for him, she knew about his dreams and his fears and she never judged him for them. She gave him all the love that a mother would, but even a bit more as it seemed like his father didn’t really like him.

Neil Hargrove was a harsh man, he never showed even a drop of kindness to anyone and even less to his son. He was violent beyond words and although his punches were hard on Billy’s body, his words hit him even harder. It came to a point that Billy knew what his father would say about him as if it was a poem he had to memorize for school, it usually went as: you are worthless, how could I have such an idiot kid? I’m supposed to raise this pussy? Such a waste of space.

It hurt him a lot, he would spend hours crying by his mother’s side.

He didn’t believe it could get any worse, and yet it did.

As he grew older, he didn’t hide in his room like before when the fights between his parents started. The yelling, the screaming, the broken plates, the insults, and soon the punches that ended up with him in the middle trying to defend his mother against his father.

Not that he could do much at ten.

It wasn’t long before the only place where he felt safe wasn’t at home but on the ocean. He loved the sounds of the waves crashing against the sand, he loved the warm summer breeze that cooled off his cheeks and nose when he came to breathe from the water. Soon, his mother got him a surfboard and he couldn’t have been happier. He was so good at it, that his mother and others called him a natural. He could spend hours surfing without a care in the world, he liked how his golden curls soaked with the seawater and feeling like he was all alone as he was draped on his surfboard while resting.

And then his mother left him.

Billy didn’t surf again after that, it hurt too much. He asked her for so long if she was going to come back for him and yet although she had assured her that she would with a trembling voice, it never happened.

He has left with his dad.

He never went surfing again.

After that, something changed in Billy.

He remembered his first report cards, they described him as an extroverted and smart kid, who was kind to his classmates but soon the report cards turned into warnings of his violent tendencies and the multiple fights he got on with classmates of him over the smallest disagreement. People started to fear him at school and soon was known for starting and ending fights.

Then, his father married Susan Mayfield who later turned into Susan Hargrove. She was a beautiful, feminine, and most importantly a quiet woman, who obeyed his father and would stay quiet, unlike his mother. She also had a kid that was the opposite of herself. Max was a tomboy and she didn’t like anything that normal girls would like, she was never quiet and had a lot of opinions. If Billy was being honest, he saw a lot of him in Max.

Nonetheless, Billy’s distrustful demeanor didn’t allow him and Max to get along a lot of the time at first, although sometimes they did and Billy actually felt okay?

It started small, with Billy watching Halloween and Max joining in. Billy taught Max how to ride a skateboard that he was already getting bored as he thought about the car he wanted to buy when he turned sixteen. Billy then taught her how to actually fight. And the moments whenever Billy’s dad beat him, Max stood up for him and tried to protect him since Neil never got it in him to hit Max, she offered him ice after any fight and they would sit alone without talking while listening to music.

He wouldn’t say he loved her as a sister, but he appreciated her.

Soon, after his sixteen birthday, his favorite place became his Camaro. He had worked almost every day since he was fourteen to save enough money to afford it and he spend every day in that car. A deep part inside of him knew that his car reminded him of surfing and the ocean. The waves crashing against the sand were replaced by the engine of his car, the warm summer breeze could also be felt if he pulled all of his windows down and he was an actually good driver although he could be a little reckless.

Most importantly, his appearance plus the car allowed him to get some interesting attention from girls.

He didn’t realize it probably until he started High School, how people would watch him arrive at his cars, how girls would stare at him and how her cheeks would be tainted pink if he got too close to them and soon Billy had his first kiss. Honestly, it was mostly a stolen one by Sharon Carter, who had grabbed Billy by the neck and put her tongue down his throat.

He didn’t particularly enjoy it but with time everything got better.

Soon, Billy realized that if he didn’t enjoy his life and if his home was hell, he decided to take pleasure where he may find it since it was so scarce for him. He started to have fun with girls, multiple girls, but if he was being honest he was pretty picky on who he decided to go out with. Some called Billy a slut and he got the reputation because it did precede him since he was no one’s boyfriend but still, he didn’t particularly enjoy it and he really thought he had a certain code of honor.

He always was pretty clear about what he wanted, which was to mess around and have sex. He always was clear on what he wanted and what he was willing to give. So, he’d enjoyed the company of girls and enjoyed it well but as soon as he started to notice or feel like they were getting too close, too familiar, and have that glimmer in their eyes that only meant one thing, Billy would drop them and run away.

He did it in California, and he did it in Hawkins.

Nonetheless, with Summer over, Tommy and Carol had been all over Billy talking about how he probably should get a Queen otherwise his popularity would decline. He didn’t understand that if he was being honest, he believed that he was still on top but they gave him multiple reasons, such as the fear of the school wasn’t enough, that if he played with too many girls he would become an asshole and that if he wanted to graduate being Hawkin’s King, he should at least meet one girl to go to the major events and become the ‘it couple’.

Billy really thought it was mostly bullshit that Carol had seen in a movie or a magazine but it made him wonder. Billy didn’t ever feel like he was worth something outside the halls of the school and if he lost that, although he didn’t even enjoy being King that much, what worth would he have?

Those were the thoughts that were plaguing him as he drove in the early hours of the morning after leaving the house of his latest fling. He didn’t get too much sleep after the fact or when Tina started to cry once he told her he was done. Honestly, Billy just wanted to cease his thoughts about everything as he drove slowly on the foggy street outside of the suburbs with no end.

And then he heard the roar of an engine that snapped him wide awake.

He turned to his right to see someone.

On a motorcycle.

Not any motorcycle but a fucking Yamaha Vmax.

Billy squinted his eyes and then they opened wide as plates as they saw their legs, or her legs, the short skirt was riled up by the way she was leaning on her bike as she upped the speed.

He didn’t understand if she was going so fast because of the fun of it or because she was actually running away from something. He understood the thrill of going fast in his own car but the way she was driving was right down insane, he was aware that if Hopper caught someone going on the road like that they would be detained as soon as possible, and yet she didn’t seem to care.

And something lighted up in Billy.

A thrill, a desire, something just made him throw his caution out the window.

Without missing a beat, Billy hit his pedals, and off he went behind you.

***

author's note: Lmk your thoughts i'm extremely excited for this but I decided to wait until ST4 dropped and now that's out i changed so many things i hope you like it. moreover i would appreciate a bunch if you supported me on ko-fi even one dollar makes the difference! thank you so much!

FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS WELCOMED

DONATE: HELP ME WITH MY LAPTOP?

5K notes · View notes

multific · 2 years ago

Text

Newly Found Happiness

Norman Nordstrom x Reader

Summary: Norman thought he only longed for the child he lost, but then he found you. You opened new doors for him.

A/N: Inspiration for this fic came from @purplelupins please check out their work as well.

Warnings: age gap, mention of abuse, smut

Norman was extremely suspicious of you. Every movement you made, he was listening closely.

Every night, he barely slept, waiting for you to make a move or run.

You often went to the bathroom, which caused him a great fear, fear that you would run. But you never did.

You were the girl who offered yourself to him, being in an awful financial position and an abusive relationship, it was easier for you to become Norman's.

"I'll bear your child, but please don't lock me up here all alone! I'll be good I promise! Please don't leave me down here."

Norman himself wasn't sure why he listened to you. Why he believed you, but he did.

He let you roam his home free, with a shock collar around your neck nonetheless, but you were free.

And you were good.

So good to him.

He honestly thought you were playing it up, but no, it was who you were.

You cooked, cleaned and helped him even when he didn't need your help. You insisted on helping him wash because he did the same.

This far, you didn't manage to get pregnant, sadly, not like you two weren't trying.

Sex was very essential part of your relationship with Norman, and if you were honest, you found yourself falling for the man quickly.

One evening, you pulled him close, moving to sit on his legs, ready to remove his pants when he stopped you.

"Your period is close, the chances of you getting pregnant are low." little did he know you wanted him that night not to get pregnant but to enjoy your night.

You pouted as you fell asleep that night.

Of course, he would be tracking your period. He paid attention to everything.

But once your fertile window was open, oh boy, man couldn't stop. For an old man, he sure had great stamina.

One morning, you went to the kitchen, ready to start breakfast when you saw the back door was open. You looked behind yourself, around the corner but found no one inside.

"Norman? Did you leave the door open?" you yelled but no answer came. You looked out the door but saw no one. "Norman?" again, nothing.

You looked around, then inside.

Then a cold shiver ran down your spine, what if something happened?

Where did you see Norman the last time?

"Norman!" you ran upstairs, into the bedroom and bathroom but found no one. "Oh please! You heard me when I slightly knocked the picture on the wall, Norman please!" you headed back to the door, taking a step outside and honestly, it felt bad. You looked around but took no further steps.

"Girl?" the voice came from inside and you swore you nearly punched him for scaring you.

"I-I found the door open... I didn't know what was going on."

"I left it open for the dog."

"Oh. Okay. I thought someone got in." you let out a sigh and headed back inside, opening the fridge and getting the eggs.

Norman said nothing. He only listened as you moved around.

He wondered why you didn't run. He made sure to give you enough time. But instead of running, you started looking for him in panic.

He moved behind you, raising a hand and getting the collar from you. You looked at him with a confused expression, wondering why he removed it.

"You won't need it anymore." you didn't even realize that this was a test. He wanted to know if you will run or not, and you didn't so he trusted you.

"I'm making scrambled eggs."

"Perfect."

---

After that day, his relationship with you really took a turn for the best.

He allowed himself something he didn't for years, he relaxed and leaned on you.

He let you do things for him, he now willingly went into the shower to allow you to wash him, and he did the same while placing kisses on whatever skin was in front of him. Which usually ended up being your shoulders.

It was nice to see him behave so softly and kindly. It was definitely a side of him that he hid away from the entire world and you were definitely glad you got to see it.

These days, when you woke up in the middle of the night, he no longer worried about you running away.

He found himself more worried about your safety than anything. He walked around the house trying to find a way to make your living more comfortable.

He heard you making small noises in the house, you often did that, so he would know exactly where you are.

And he liked it.

It was one of the small things you did to keep him happy and content.

He loved how gentle you were, he could sense in the beginning you would flinch often when he moved suddenly, no wonder with your past.

So, he paid more attention to not move suddenly or in a certain way.

Even sex like this became a lot better.

He would be gentle as usual but now, you would have more and more sex. It was no longer just about the child he longed for. It was fun and passionate.

The man knew how to use his tongue for sure.

He would say he liked you very much, you would say you were in love.

And your love soon took fruit.

You started to feel ill a couple days ago, you even missed your period, but you didn't want to get your hopes up.

With a pregnancy test in your hand, you went into the bathroom, and you came out two minutes later.

You let out a long sigh.

Negative.

False alarm.

Only an oven, no buns.

I made you very sad.

"What's wrong, Sweet?" he asked during dinner.

"I for sure thought I was pregnant, but the test said negative."

"Tests can be faulty, maybe we should take you to a doctor to double-check."

"I didn't want you to pay for the bills."

"Nevermind the bills, if you feel like you are pregnant, it is worth a check, we go tomorrow."

No point in arguing with him.

---

One oven, one bun.

The doctor confirmed your feelings were right. You were indeed pregnant, the test was wrong.

You looked at the ultrasound in your hands as you stood outside the hospital.

"Norman... we have a baby."

"So I have heard." he said as he stood beside you. "Wish I could see it, can you describe it?"

"It's like the smallest little bean. Definitely looks like you."

He laughed a little.

"How can they look like me if they are only a bean?"

"Mother's intuitions."

He smiled. "I hope they will look like you. I just know you are beautiful."

"Oh?"

"The lady at the reception, gasped when she saw you."

"Maybe she wasn't expecting me to be with an older man?"

"No."

You laughed and grabbed his arm, walking him back to the taxis.

"Now you have a room to decorate." he said as he sat in the back with you.

You gave the address to the driver who took off.

Norman held your hand the entire ride, and couldn't hide his smile nor could you.

As you both headed home, you had a really good feeling about your future but it is how it was when you were with Norman.

Taglist: imreadinggoaway @fleursirvart @v-2bucky ehsebastiancrunch-time-sports @pxstelrainbow ablogbypeteparker liamssmilersmexylemony @greenarrowhead feelingsareharddd @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @avengers-r-us @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster celebsimagine @capsiclesdoll snoopy3000 @firstangeldragonranch @puknow @crazzyter @alwayshave-faith @soleil-dor @alex12948 scream-kiwi79 @lxdyred @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @liveforkarljacobs @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @paola-carter @stunkbiggu

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORK

#Norman Nordstrom x Reader #Norman Nordstrom #Norman Nordstrom x you #Norman Nordstrom imagine #Norman Nordstrom imagines #Norman Nordstrom fanfic #Norman Nordstrom fanfiction #don't breathe #don't breathe imagine #don't breathe imagines #don't breathe fanfic #don't breathe fanfiction #slasher #slasher short #slasher x reader #slasher imagine #slasher imagines #slasher x you

1K notes · View notes

jjwantsme · 2 years ago

Text

Captain Save A Hoe

j.m

pairing: jj maybank x kook!reader

summary: in which y/n is a spunky girl in a toxic relationship with rafe cameron, and JJ makes it his mission to save her. (click to read part two)

warnings: nsfw, oral (m receiving), cussing,peer pressure, promiscuous!reader, toxic/abusive relationship, jj is so hot, angst, cheating, rafe being an ass per usual, kiara does not like reader 😭, sad jj, pretty short

authors note: i kinda really really REALLY wanna do a part two to this called “i wanna be saved!”…what do we think about that idea👀

masterlist

“God, she’s so hot,” JJ mumbled, watching y/n dance from a far.

“Yeah, well she’s also a hoe-” kiara started.

“Woah!”

“Damn, kie!”

The boys all gaped at her, wondering why the sudden change of mood. “That wasn’t very feminist of you,” JJ snickered, taking a swig of his beer.

“I’m sorry, but it’s true! She’s just a bitch. Plus, she’s dating rafe. That tells us all we need to know!” Kiara shrugged.

“Yeah, well,” JJ moved his eyes back to y/n’s hips, “I don’t give a damn if she’s a kook. I could save her.”

Y/n walked through the isles of the gas station, purse over her shoulder as her hips swayed. Her skirt barely covered her ass and her crop-top ended just above her belly button.

She knew she shouldn’t be around the cut, natural habitat of the pogues, but she had just gotten into a fight with rafe. And she did not feel like being around any other kooks right now.

Sometimes she wondered why she even was with rafe. He treated her like shit, and she reciprocated the behavior most of the time. They had cheated on each other countless of times, it wasn’t even surprising at this point.

They were toxic, without a doubt, but everything about the relationship was so addicting. The arguments, the scandals, the sex…it was all so erotic, y/n couldn’t leave- even if she wanted to.

“Well, would you look at that,” y/n heard JJ whistle, “What’s a pretty kook like you doing over here all alone?”

Y/n turned around to face him, “JJ, right?”

“Yup, that’s me.”

“Oh okay, JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Fuck off.” She flipped him off before turning back around.

'𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘆 𝗮𝘀 𝗶 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁.' JJ thought as he watched her go back to looking at the grocery items.

Ever since that party, JJ was set on bringing that girl home- even if it did mean having to get on her good side.

“Woah, woah, chill out, babe” JJ chuckled, moving to stand beside her, “I didn’t even say anything…yet.”

“Yeah, well, you were thinking it.” y/n took a bag of mini-oreos off the shelf without even meeting his eyes, “what, do you want me to suck your dick, or something?”

“Slow down, there, sweetheart, i barely even know you.” JJ chuckled, resting his hand on the shelf above her, “Definitely not declining, though.”

Y/n sighed, “Look, J- can i call you J?”

“You can call me whatever you want, babe.”

“Right- well, J, i have a boyfriend, alright? So, just…scurry along,” y/n slightly shooed him away with her hand, before turning around on her heel and walking towards the cash register.

“Since when has having a boyfriend ever stopped you?” JJ snickered, following in her footsteps, “Y’know, you have quite the reputation, princess.”

“Rumors aren’t always facts, J.” She mumbled in reply as she paid the cashier, telling him to keep the change.

“Yeah, well, maybe we should fact-check this one. Just incase, y’know?”

Y/n sighed lightly. “If i let you drive me back to rafe’s place, will you leave me be?”

“Say less!” JJ smirked and opened the welcoming-doors for her as she thanked the cashier.

“You are very convincing, I’ll give you that.” Y/n huffed, walking outside and following him to his car.

JJ opened the door for her before jogging around to the driver’s side and getting in.

“Wow, what a gentleman,” y/n mumbled in a sarcastic tone, making JJ snicker for the second time.

“Always got something to say, huh? No wonder rafe calls you a firecracker,”

“He calls me that?” She raised her eyebrows, turning her head to look at him.

He chuckled and nodded, “He calls you alot of things, sweetheart.”

“He’s such a dick.” Y/n mumbled and shook her head, rearranging her position in the seat.

JJ scoffed, “Why are you with him then?”

“Decent dick, good money.” She shrugged, and JJ didn’t miss the way her breasts bounced with each movement.

“You deserve better than ‘Decent’, babe.” He shook his head, dragging his eyes back to the road.

“Yeah? Well, it’s kind of hard to find that on this island.”

JJ snickered for the third, and final, time.

“What’s so funny, hm?”

“I’m way more than decent, sweetheart.”

“Shit, shit, shit, shit-“

JJ moaned as y/n took his full length into her mouth, swirling her tongue and using her hand to fondle with his balls.

He pulled out of her mouth for a second to catch his breath, her looking up at him as he gripped her hair.

“Taste so good, J,” she moaned, practically whimpered, before taking his head back into her mouth as she worked the rest of his cock with her hand.

“Shit, m’ gonna cum-“

Y/n quickly pulled him out of her mouth and jerked in home, only a short amount of distance from her tongue.

“Oh, holy- Good girl, 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹.” He rasped and groaned as he released all over her tongue, and lips, making her whimper.

He panted as he laid back onto the bed, running his hands through his hair. Y/n crawled towards him after she finished swallowing, resting her head on his bare chest and fiddling with his fingers.

JJ felt his heart jump at the feeling.

But that was just the problem.

It had been three weeks since that day at the gas station. Three weeks since the first time they had a proper conversation.

However, it had been two weeks since their first time having sex together, and now it was a reoccurring thing. Every single day. It was a daily routine.

So, yeah, JJ was right; he got to take her home. But, she wasn’t 𝗵𝗶𝘀. And it was really fucking with his head.

He swore to himself he wouldn’t catch romantic feelings. From the moment they started this whole thing, he swore not to.

"𝘀𝗵𝗲'𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹!" He told himself.

"𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗹𝘂𝘀𝘁, 𝗮𝗯𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲!" He told himself.

But, as always, that didn’t go according to plan.

And, he ignored it for as long as he could, but he decided. Today was the day he saved her.

“Hey, uh, y/n?” He spoke a little quietly as he knew they were both still worn out, moving his left hand to her lower back.

“Hm?” She mumbled, her eyes shut.

“When, uh…when do you plan on calling things off with rafe?”

Y/n let out a huff of annoyance and sat up, opening her eyes. “Are we really gonna talk about this 30 seconds after fucking?”

JJ groaned and sat up as well.

That’s another thing. She got mad at him everytime he brought it up.

“Well, sorry, but I’m not the biggest fan of fucking a taken women!”

“Yeah? Well, you’ve been doing it for 14 days, J!” She got up and started getting dressed, knees still weak, “14 days!”

“Cause i fucking like you, y/n!” JJ shouted, immediately regretting it when it left his mouth.

The girl paused her movements, turning to look at him, “You…what?”

“I like you, alright? And i get it, I know that you’re supposed to be this ‘crazy’, ‘promiscuous’ girl that can’t be tied down- but i also know that i’d be way better for you than rafe cameron. I mean, are you kidding me?” He let out, all in one breath.

“JJ,” y/n sighed, “I think we should stop seeing each other.”

“No!” His eyes went wide, “No, y/n, i’m sorry, okay? There, we can pretend i never said anything, I just need to-“

“JJ,”

“Just let me-“

“JJ, I can’t just-“

“I love you, alright?! And I’m not letting go of the small part of your life that i get to be in!” He panted, making y/n’s shut her mouth.

“Just…just give me a chance okay?” He spoke more quietly, “I’ll take you out on a date, a real date, and treat you so much better than cameron ever did. I swear to you, baby.”

Y/n sighed and cupped his cheek. “I think I have feelings for you too, J.”

He let out a small smile.

“But, that’s just more reason for us to end all of this.”

His smile dropped.

“I’m a kook, you’re a pogue…it was never gonna last, JJ.” She backed up from him, putting on her shirt as the two sat in silence for a moment.

JJ just looked around the room, wondering how he got himself in this predicament.

After getting fully dressed, y/n got closer to him and kissed his cheek, “You shouldn’t have tried to save me, I don’t wanna be saved. Bye, JJ.”

She walked out of the messy room, leaving him with a flushed face and broken part.

No.

She was wrong.

He was going to save her, even if it’s the last damn thing he does.

1K notes · View notes

ashwhowrites · 2 years ago

Note

eddie x cheerleader (strangers 2 lovers)

she had an awful fight with her deadbeat dad when she got out of work at the diner he told her he would try to take dustin away from her and her mom and when she refuses he slashes her face with a beer bottle 3 times ,

shes not close with the other cheerleaders so shes having a bad day

she chooses to sit with hellfire cuz dustin is her brother

eddie gets mad cuz he thinks its a joke to humiliate them so he tells her to go away

she listens but shes crying even more

she apologizes to everyone including dustin when she leaves & leaves him half her sandwich

dustin mike and lucas all say something mean to eddie and they follow u

they find u sitting in ur car and they join u

u and the boys avoid eddie for the rest of the day and he ultimately feels horrible when he overhears u crying to dustin , lucas and mike about why ur upset & then he hears u say he made it worse

he tries to talk to dustin but dustins crying too cuz we’re his best friend and he hates his dad he would never wanna leave Y/N and mike and lucas tell eddie he needs to figure it out how to apologize on his own so he does and u guys get close and both fall in love eventually

⚠️mentions of abuse- no detailed descriptions of the action.

⚠️Eddie is an asshole but he slowly figures it out

Thank you sm for your patience as I worked to get this out💕

Y/N woke up sore with puffy eyes. Her reflection wasn't ever a pretty girl anymore. It was a girl who was abused, hurt, and drained. She gently cleaned the three new marks on her face. Her skin slashed open from her dad. She felt tears falling down her face as she was reminded of last night. Him waiting for her to finish work, threatening to take away Dustin from her. She'd never let that happen. She refused to let her dad ever see Dustin. She'd take the abuse, but she will never let Dustin be the target.

"are you sure you're okay?" Dustin asked from behind her. Sadness in his eyes as he watched his sister place band aid patches on her cheek.

"yes, don't worry about me dusty" she said, she gave the best smile she could. The bandage stopped her from making a real one.

Dustin knew not to try to fight with her. Nodding as he kissed her hurt cheek, heading to get ready for school.

She felt everyone staring at her cheek and she hated it. Luckily everyone in this school was an asshole. None caring to ask if she was okay or what happened. That included her cheerleading team. A group of girls she was with constantly but didn't have a real single friend on it.

She didn't want to deal with them so she headed to where she knows Dustin's table is. Seeing only Mike was seated, she took the spot across from him.

"hey Y/N, you okay?" Mike asked gently. Being closest to Dustin, he knew all about Y/N's relationship with her father.

"not today Mike" she said as gently as she could. Opening her lunch box, dividing her sandwich in half and digging out Dustin's half of the brownie.

She ate silently as the table filled up. Dustin still wasn't arriving yet, so she left his parts of lunch near her lunchbox.

"and who the fuck are you?"

She looked up to see a taller and much older boy, compared to the rest of the table. He had long hair and deep brown eyes. She's definitely seen him with Dustin, but couldn't recall his name

Before she could even answer, he spoke again.

"I don't know what game your little cheerleader ass is playing. But we don't allow stuck up assholes to sit at our table" he barked out, very harshly.

So harsh that she felt like her dad was standing across from her.

"Eddie stop" Mike said harshly as he could see Y/N's eyes watering.

"Mike shut up. I'm handling this" Eddie, apparently, said.

His brown eyes, glaring daggers at her softening slightly when he noticed her bandaged cheek but moved on. Figuring it was some cheerleading accident. She sat quietly letting him continue his rant.

Letting him call her every name in the book. A bitch, a princess, stuck up, rich, and shit she's never heard of.

She sat there and silently cried. Head down as she tried to take deep breaths. Reminding herself this was a random boy, it wasn't her dad and he wasn't going to hurt her.

She panicked when she felt a hand grab her shoulder. Flinching as she flew out of her seat.

Eddie quickly withdrew his hand as she practically sprung out of the seat. His eyes softened once again when he saw tears working down her face.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Dustin quickly dropped his tray on the table and walked closer to her.

She shook her head and wiped her tears.

"nothing dusty. See you at home" she said quickly, handing him the sandwich and brownie. Racing as fast as she could out of that cafeteria.

"dusty?home? Who is that?" Eddie asked

"that's my sister. What the fuck did you do?" Dustin snapped, Lucas walked up confused at all the tension.

"what's going on?" He asked

"Eddie just totally freaks out on Y/N for no goddamn reason" Mike scoffed. Standing up as he grabbed his backpack.

"really Eddie. What did she do to you?" Lucas added in

"what you say to her?" Dustin said filled with anger. He didn't take that Eddie could easily kick his ass. He can't protect his sister from their dad, but he can protect her from Eddie.

"I didn't know she was your sister! I saw a cheerleader sitting here and I just got pissed" Eddie tried to explain. But seeing all three boys staring at him with the most pissed off look he's ever seen, he had a good feeling he fucked up.

"so you lashed out on her totally unprovoked? I mean did she even say anything to you?" Dustin argue.

"well no...she just kinda sat there and before I knew it she was crying. I didn't think she'd be so upset. Usually the jocks are cold-hearted assholes." Eddie tried to defend his stance

"SHE'S NOT LIKE THEM!" Dustin screamed.

"she only joined that stupid team to get a scholarship so she can leave this hellhole of what she's forced to call home. Fuck you Eddie" Dustin snapped as he grabbed his backpack. Marching straight to the parking lot.

"dude you know nothing about her. If you did, you'd feel like the biggest ass right now" Mike sighed, following behind Dustin.

"well I already feel like an ass" Eddie sighed

"that's a shame. She was excited that Dustin found a new friend. After this, I don't think he's going to ever want to see you again" Lucas added, following behind Mike.

Eddie decided to follow the group. At least he could apologize for being an asshole. He found all of them standing in a circle against her car.

Eddie gave them their space but waited to talk to her. With being so close he could easily hear their conversation.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your guys' lunch. Go eat, I'm fine" Y/N said as she wiped her face. Carefully not to touch her bandage.

"you didn't. Let's take deep breaths and talk a little bit. I know you don't want to talk about last night but may-"

"Dustin! I told you last night never happened and we don't speak about it." She snapped

"you can't let dad abuse you like this" Dustin said softly as he touched his sister's cheek.

Mike held her hand softly and Lucas rubbed her back.

Eddie felt a very bad feeling in his gut.

He's been abused, he knows what it felt like. He didn't ever think twice about a girl being on the cheerleading team would struggle with the same shit he has. Eddie wanted to be better than the jocks but he proved he was just like them. Judging someone based on how others perceived them.

"I don't know what happened. But the way he was calling me names made me think of dad. And I shut down. But then he touched me and my brain was screaming at me to prepare for another blow."

Eddie could feel his own tears in the back of his eyes.

Eddie can't believe he allowed himself to be something he hated.

He was abused, he should have noticed the signs. He should have stopped talking the second she got quiet and didn't say a word.

If it was a joke, like he thought. She wouldn't have sat there and taken every word.

He was an idiot.

He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. Putting his hands in his jeans as he walked towards the group. All seated in the car, except for Dustin.

"hey Dustin can I talk to her?" Eddie asked softly.

He watched as her eyes snapped to him through the windshield. He wanted to offer her a small smile but his heart shattered at the fear that rested as she quickly looked away

"hell to the fucking no. Leave her and us alone. We won't be at hellfire tonight" Dustin snapped as he slammed the car door.

Eddie watched as she drove out of the parking lot.

Dustin stook to his word. Not a single one of them showed up to hellfire. And Eddie wasn't even upset he had to cancel the campaign. He was more upset with the fact he put himself in a position that he wasn't sure he could get out of.

A few days past and the three little sheep, and Dustin's sister hasn't looked in his direction. They all sat at a table in the back corner, smiling and laughing.

Eddie noticed her cheek was no longer banged. Small marks left in her cheek but she smiled like she wasn't bothered.

Eddie thought she was gorgeous. He thought she was gorgeous when he first saw her at the table but watching as she laughed so hard, she had to clench her stomach. He realized how beautiful she really was.

She didn't deserve what he said to her and she deserved a real apology.

Y/N was searching through her car when she heard someone knock on her window. She jumped and quickly looked to see Eddie standing there.

She rolled down her window

"can I talk to you?" Eddie asked as he peaked his head in

"um I guess" she said quietly.

Eddie hated how closed off her body was. She didn't feel safe near him and he gave a good reason for that.

"I wanted to say I'm really fucking sorry. I was completely wrong. I should have never spoken to you like that. I should have never put a hand on you. You didn't deserve any of that"

She nodded with a small smile. Showing that she appreciated his words.

"I also overheard you talking to Dustin about your dad"

Her body stiffened quickly and Eddie noticed

"it's okay. I actually have been there before" he said softly, pulling out a piece of paper.

"I used to call this number every time my dad got done hitting me. No matter the time, they will pick up. And I added my number at the bottom. In case you need someone who can slightly understand." Eddie smiled as soft as he could.

"thanks Eddie" she said tearfully. Putting the piece of paper in her backpack

She calls Eddie every night, and he always picks up. He listens and listens. He never hangs up first or says he has to go. He devoted all his time into her calls. Speaking of things he buried down to forget. But allowing himself to open it back up for her.

The more she called, the less it was about her dad. She just loved hearing his voice. It made her feel giddy and excited. She was terrified the first time she called without wanting to talk about her dad. Afraid he'd hang up because that wasn't the reason he gave his number out.

"hey Eddie. I'm actually doing good tonight but I still wanted to talk to you. Maybe about happy things? I know it's stupid and that's not why you gave me your number but i-"

"shh it's okay. I gave you my number because I wanted to. And I'll gladly sit here and listen to you talk about anything you want gorgeous. Hit me with it"

After that call, she screamed into her pillow and kicked her feet. Dustin teased her for it for weeks. Making kissy faces at the lunch table when Eddie looked away.

"OW!" Dustin screamed as she kicked his leg under the table.

Eddie turned to the noise, "you good Henderson?" He asked as he looked at Dustin concerned

"totally" Dustin huffed out as he rubbed his leg.

Then she wanted more. She wanted more than phone calls

"random question but would you maybe want to go eat sometime? Talk in person instead?" Her body was shaking with anxiety. Preparing for a no

"only agreeing if this means I get to finally take you on a date"

And after that, there were many more dates planned.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975@ago-godance@magnificantmermaid @tlclick73@hargrovesswifee

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson angst #eddie munson angst x reader #eddie munson request #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fluff x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie x reader

1K notes · View notes

jigukmins-archive · 7 years ago

Text

#my showcase it officially over!!#god i feel so......so.....sad #this play is all weve been doing in drama class since feb and now....its....done.#i feel strangely empty #:'(#but it went great im so happy!!! my family and friends and teachers loved it!!#and i love my cast so much. theres a scene where i have to play a wife who has marriage problems and her and her husband get in a rllly big #fight. and we just s c r e a m at e/o. and wow its just scary wjen he yells at me. like rly rllly scary. i felt like crying. i wish i did.#it wouldve went well with the scene. but anyways. after we came off stage he hugged me and he said he felt so bad cuz he heard me whimperin #when he was yelling at me (and those were real whimpers man. i was scared) and i just hhhh what a nice human being. i also got to play a #girl whos in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend but she meets a sweet little nerd who 'cant feel pain' at a landromat and things go #from there. its a sweet little scene.#but yeahhh!! its over and im sad but also rly proud :) it was rlllly rlllly working with my drama class. the production was great! 😊#okay dnjsjsjdjd im sorry ill stop. i just wanted to get that out. im just very very happy with how everything went #k i rly need to stop no one cares dnjdksjdjd anyways carry on with your day/night. ily all thank u for dealing with me rambling abt my life

10 notes · View notes

doriandrifting · 2 years ago

Text

The fact that the Duffers so easily could’ve given Max a one dimensional plot where her guilt this season surrounding Billy was over feeling like she misjudged him since he sacrificed himself in the end, or wishing they had the time to repair their relationship, but it wasn’t. It was about her being glad that he was gone, because his one moment of sacrifice didn’t make up for his abusive and racist behavior.

And then, they did the same with El. Brenner tried to save her and was asking for forgiveness, or at the very least understanding from her on why he did what he did. But El didn’t give that to him. She let him die knowing that his actions were inexcusable.

It lowkey makes me emotional, because we almost never see women/girls in media be allowed to say, what happened to me wasn’t okay—what you did to me wasn’t okay—and even if I can’t help my empathy, I will never offer it to you as absolution.

#these girls deserve the world and more #i will hear no slander of them #critiques will be taken on a rolling basis and filtered through my extraordinarily loving pea brain #max mayfield #stranger things #eleven #elmax

2K notes · View notes

libraincarnate · 2 years ago

Text

astrology notes: 8 🧸🍬

quick note: i'm absolutely not an astrologer. these are just a collection of some observations, thoughts, theories, and personal experiences. with that being said, i'm still learning along the way & i may come back to edit this post to make corrections. above all this is just for fun. lastly, keep in mind that i’m not reading your birth chart and i know nothing about you. these are just some possibilities that may or may not apply to you. enjoy!

🧁 scorpio 2nd house/mercury: okay if you didn’t know i have a thing for eyes, but i also have a thing for voices and i have placements that indicate that too. anyways, people with scorpio mercury? wow just wow. probably one of my favorite placements and one of the most captivating ones in my opinion. i recently heard someone’s voice and i guessed they had a scorpio mercury and i was right. girls with this placements may have a deeper voice but regardless it’s so damn sexy and sultry. their intelligence and broad vocabulary and various expressions leave their lips with ease. they ooze seduction unintentionally. this is THE bedroom voice. such power behind their words, the power to both uplift and destroy. it demands attention. speaking like they know more than they let on, discerning what you know and don’t know so that they can decide what and how much to reveal. hard to lie to these individuals. they’re quick to detect deception. they use their words decisively & directly.

🧁 favorable 11th house placements: community & togetherness is a wonderful thing to these folks. they find it beautiful to see people working together to accomplish a common goal or simply sticking together, loving & supporting one another. unfortunately society isn’t always like that but when they do witness something like that it makes them happy. they think, “see? that’s how it should be.” it’s a wish they have for the world, more unity.

🧁 neptune-pluto aspects: rock star alice cooper has neptune sextile pluto in his birth chart. he suffered from alcohol & drug addiction. some of his songs have meanings that have a double entendre. for example, when listening to his song called poison for the first time, it sounds like a love song about how badly he wants this person even though they may not be good for him, they bring him both pleasure and pain. but really that song is about his toxic relationship with drugs and alcohol.

he’s a libra rising & his chart ruler is venus in pisces which is in the 6th house of health, routine, and habits.

his neptune is a prominent placement for him being in his 1st house & conjunct his ascendant.

his neptune is at 12° (pisces degree) which is also associated with drugs/alcohol, addiction, a lack of boundaries, but also spirituality, musical talent, healing, the emotions, and creativity. and his pluto which brings transformation is at 13° (aries degree) which can indicate some form of struggle or abuse but there’s also courage, determination, and perseverance.

alice cooper has overcome his drug and alcohol addiction, has helped others including other rock n’ roll artists to do the same, and he became a christian and gave a lot of credit to Jesus Christ as the reason why he was able to beat these addictions.

i’m not saying everyone with this aspect will have a similar story, it’s just one way i’ve seen this aspect play out.

🧁 venus in the 5th house: you might be attracted to people who are talented. somone who plays an instrument really well. maybe you find it attractive watching someone play the guitar and rocking out, headbanging and stuff lol

someone who is really good at sports, seeing their athleticism, their skill, their dedication to the sport they play. touch down celebrations might be something you like to see if football is your thing. perhaps play fighting with your love.

someone who is a talented artist, seeing them use their creativity and skills to create something out of nothing. seeing their passion come to life in their art, how it tells a story. how they assign their own meanings to the colors, shapes, and materials they use.

🧁 harsh mars-uranus aspects: might be more willing to do something bad if they feel like they’re doing it for a good reason. reminds me of thomas shelby from peaky blinders. he does a lot of bad things for the sake of his family/loved ones, to better their lives. he shows his loyalty in extreme & intense ways. he also performs some philanthropic deeds. he’s smart, ingenious, unpredictable, has been to war and applies a war-like strategy or mindset in his approach to achieving his goals. he does what he wants when he wants and rarely takes the advice of others.

🧁 jupiter in the 4th house: motherhood may be a blessing for you. your child or children might feel like you’re the best mom ever and you might feel like that too lol your child may make your life better, more meaningful and fulfilling. you pass on the wisdom you’ve gained to them. encouraging education and spirituality in their upbringing. motherhood definitely alters your perspective on life. you learn so much from being a mom and part of that is because your child teaches you so much including by just watching them grow.

🧁 one thing i feel like is underrated about virgos is their sense of style. they can dress & it’s authentic. they stand out among the sea of fad loving doppelgangers because of their originality. and while they may not vocalize their judgements, i promise you they are analyzing every detail of your outfit, hairstyle, choice of accessories, etc. all in silence. they notice the smallest details which is part of the reason why they look so pristine & put together. they simply have good taste. potential as a stylist & designer.

🧁 4th house ruler in 11th house: this native may have, want, or prefer a chosen family rather than the family they were born with. their friends may feel more like a family to them and they may spend more time with them. may be an adopted child or feel like one, and you may want to adopt if you decide to start your own family. the people you look to as your mother or father figure may not be your biological parents. a community or sense of family with the ones you are closest to but not necessarily the ones you are related to.

🧁 the sign in your 2nd house may show you how you feel about sharing the things that belong to you (food, money, clothes, car, info on where you got something, and so on):

capricorn would probably only share with you if they actually like you or respect you.

virgo might be picky about who they share with or who gets to touch what.

libra i think would be both of the above but may feel bad when they want say no so they might just say whatever and give in for that reason.

sag is ruled by jupiter which is associated with generosity so i think they’d be more willing to give things away or tell you where they got their stuff from like a nice shirt that they have.

aquarius is another sign i feel like would be willing to share, since they’re associated with community & philanthropy but regardless of how social aquarius may be i think they’re a bit detached from people & they like their originality so they may not want everyone looking like them or having what they have so they may say no to most but yes to those closest to them.

scorpio may be a bit more possessive and private about what’s theirs so they may only share with those they trust.

gemini likes to talk and exchange information, they’re lighthearted individuals who may have no problem sharing or telling you where they got something.

to me taurus is 50/50. they’re known to be savers and spenders. they know how to gather and save their resources, can be hoarders and a bit selfish but they also like pleasing themselves, indulging in the things they like. they know how to spoil others as well so they’d probably just buy it for you instead of giving you what’s theirs.

🧁 lilith in the 11th house: might be a misanthrope, someone who dislikes humanity or society as a whole. however you may like people as individuals. i see this being a lone wolf/outcast placement.

🧁 your jupiter in their 1st house (synastry): you are a blessing to this person’s life. you definitely make their life better and an impactful difference would be felt with out you in their life. you make them feel good about themselves, make them feel confident, you support them. you broaden their outlook on life, providing fresh perspectives. you share the knowledge you have with them, make them wiser. the 1st house intrigues jupiter and wants to understand the 1st house person better. jupiter person could be one of if not the 1st house person’s favorite person.

you lift them up, bring optimism and encouragement. you guys feel good around each other, have a lot of fun together, make each other happier. you help them in their journey of self improvement whether you know it or not. the jupiter person sees the potential in the 1st house person during the times they don’t see it themselves. they encourage you to be your best authentic self. jupiter person may also discover things about themselves through their relationship with the 1st house person. jupiters perspective and understanding is broadened as well. also, jupiter probably spoils the 1st house person & 1st house person appreciates them so much and just knows how much they mean to them.

🧁 omg how many people with prominent 7th house placements have walked in multiple weddings? like you could’ve been a flower girl, ring boy, a bridesmaid or groomsman etc. especially with venus, jupiter, asteroid juno (3) here, or a 7th house stellium.

🧁 placidus vs whole sign house system: i mostly use the whole sign house system but i encourage you not to ignore the placements in your chart using the placidus system. you won’t relate to or notice the impact of all of your placements at once. you grow and develop as a person and this takes time, so it may take time to see the influence of certain placements and aspects in your chart regardless of which house system you use. people experience different areas of life at different times. i may experience the 6th house and 7th house related themes earlier in my life but you may experience much them later in your life.

remember each house has themes and different areas of focus. take the 8th house for example: you may not relate to the theme of death in this house (either literally or figuratively in the form of rebirth/transformation) and so you may not relate to the inheritance aspect either (or not yet) but you may relate to the themes of the occult along with sex & intimacy in this house. it’s normal to not relate to everything related to that house, and it’s normal not to relate to everything all at once.

after speaking to someone close to me, she relates to the placement of their sun using the whole sign system more than the placement of their sun using placidus. when using placidus, her sun is in the 4th house. initially she didn’t relate to this placement what so ever. but then she noticed something, she literally is the kim k of her family. if she dies the light goes out in her family. her relatives love her and are always asking for her. they adore her, think she's funny and they just like hearing from her. they talk to her the most. most of her parent’s friends mainly ask about her and want to talk to her on the phone and she's not the only child. she literally asks her parents if their friends forget that they have more than one child. their friends are always giving her money and gifts and food. she plays an important role in this family, she's basically a leader & she manages a lot of things in her house/family. her parents tend to brag about her to others as well.

however there are other themes in the 4th house which she does not relate to and there are other placements in her birth chart using the placidus system which she doesn’t relate to at all, or perhaps not yet.

apart from that, there’s something called intercepted signs, houses, and planets & duplicated signs and houses. they apply to house systems like placidus but not to those like whole sign. you may have these in your placidus chart. it might be something you relate to and you may learn something about yourself as well.

i cannot and will not attempt to explain them, but if you’re interested here are some posts that do explain them:

https://www.tumblr.com/boyzgotojupiter/706271020564234240

https://bobmarksastrologer.com/intercepted-signs/

https://bobmarksastrologer.com/duplicated-signs/

https://www.tumblr.com/boyzgotojupiter/706271008694353920/duplicated-intercepted-houses

if you read this until the end i hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading. ♥︎♥︎♥︎, those hearts are for you.

#astrology #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology notes #astro notes #libraincarnate

650 notes · View notes

bookshelf-dust · 2 years ago

Text

the hurt is good

part i part ii part iii part iv part v part vi

billy hargrove x fem!reader

word count: 3,705

warnings: swearing, brief mentions of blood/anxious lip picking, anxiety attack, talk of self-harming behaviors, mentions of abuse/toxic relationships/neil, fluff

a/n: wow. hi! i’m sorry it took so long for me to get this out. school has been a lot lately. thank you for all the positive feedback on the previous parts and for sticking around! also this isn’t the last part. i lied. there will be one more. anyhow there’s a lot of heavy stuff in this part, but also a lot of love. i hope you enjoy it and maybe find something in it. love you loads and loads <3333

before you read, listen to: when it’s cold i’d like to die by moby and/or slipping through my fingers by ABBA

————

Billy did not hear from you yesterday, or the day before that. He hasn’t been worried, per say, because it’s not like he’ll die if he can’t speak to you at all times.

But today, on the third day, he starts to be a little upset by the absence of you.

He really doesn’t like it when it’s Nicky that calls him, rather than you.

“Are you busy today, hon’?” Her voice is sweet as always.

“No, I’m not,” Billy tells her. He licks his lips, a little uneasy.

“Do you think you could come over for a while?”She asks. “Y/N just left, which is big, but she’s going out with some old friends, and I’m a little worried. She had a really hard time getting over them, and I’ve got somewhere to be for awhile and I just don’t want her to be alone after all of this.”

Nicky stops, inhaling. She realizes she’s been rambling to her poor boy. She starts to apologize, and Billy stops her, laughing a little.

“I can do that, yeah. Who was she having lunch with? If you don’t mind me asking.”

He can hear Nicky sigh.

“Nancy.”

————

Billy is on your front steps when you pull up. He’s smoking, but he stomps it out when he sees you.

“Hey, pretty girl,” he says.

Your hands are shaking so bad that you drop your keys. Billy picks them up for you, and it’s only when he looks you over that he realizes something’s not right.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

You’re wringing your hands continuously, as if trying to prevent doing something else. He steps closer to you, because you’re biting his lip, and he goes to pull it free like he always does.

There’s blood on the tip of his thumb when he pulls it away.

“Y/N, you’ve made yourself bleed.”

You lick your lips, tasting metal. You blink at him. Billy looks closer at your mouth, realizing there’s a welt and that it’s swollen on one side.

“Come on and let me clean it up, okay?”

You nod and let the boy lead you inside your home. Billy tries to get you to sit on the counter, but you stop him.

“I just need a second,” you say.

It’s the first thing you’ve said to him thus far, and Billy finds himself relieved to hear your voice, even if the shakiness of it matches that of your hands.

You use your hands to brace yourself against the counter, leaning your head forward to face the floor. You close your eyes and try to breathe.

Billy doesn’t know what to do, so he rubs his hand up and down the curve of your spine. It feels warm against your back.

He kisses the crown of your head and suddenly you straighten, a slightly panicked look in your eye, though Billy can tell you’re trying to repress it.

“I need you to help me,” you tell him, running your hands down your face.

“Anything,” Billy says, worried over your state of being.

“I’m having an anxiety attack and I need you to help calm me down because my heart is beating so fast that I feel like I can’t breathe and everything is shaking and I just—I just, I need you.”

“To talk to me or something. I need you to be here with me for a minute.”

“Okay.” He doesn’t need convincing.

Billy brings his hands to your face, stroking his thumbs over your unusually warm cheeks. His eyes dart all over you.

“Look at me,” he says.

You nod, locking your eyes with his. You study his eyelashes, the way they kiss at the corners and leave shadows on the tops of his cheeks in the light.

“Breathe with me.”

“Okay.”

In and out. In and out. You focus on the way Billy is breathing, and that seems to help. You watch the steady rise and fall of his chest rather than worrying about the feeling in yours.

“How long do they usually last?” Billy inquires. “The heart palpitations.”

“Little while. Half hour, little less, little more. Depends on if I can get myself calmed down.”

Billy presses his lips to your forehead, keeping them there for a moment. They’re chapped, but it’s still chilly outside, so it makes sense. The cold is the same reason for the cracks in the skin on the back of your hands.

“Sit up on the counter for me, baby. I’m gonna get you some water, okay? I’ll be right back, I promise.”

You do as he says, balancing yourself on the edge of the bathroom vanity. Your tongue darts out to swipe over your lip, and Billy was right. You can feel the swelling and the welt he mentioned.

You’ve always done it when stressed or uncomfortable. It’s not always this bad though. You just kept going and going after lunch today, even after it had started to bleed.

The boy returns as he’d said he would, a glass of water in hand. He gives it to you and watches to make sure you’re successfully drinking.

“Can I look at it?” Billy gestures vaguely in the direction of your lip.

“Uh huh.” You fight the urge to cover your mouth like you have before, like when your mother has noticed it’s scabbed.

Billy uses his thumb to press on your lip, examining the damage you’ve done to it. He’s chewed his before when anxious, but never like this. But he guesses he’s expressed these feelings you’re having in other ways.

He takes the change to pull at your lip a little too, noticing you’ve torn at the inside just as well as the outside.

“It hurt?”

You snort. “No. Feels great.”

Billy rolls his eyes at you, and then he’s feeling around in his pockets. You take another big sip of water while you’re observing him. It’s almost empty, so you decide to finish it. He waits for you to do so.

When you have, Billy swipes his pinky along the edge of your mouth to catch a drop of water. He presents what he’d been searching for: a little pot of chapstick. He figures if you’ve got something on your lips you can’t fuck them up as easily.

“You gonna let me put this on you?” He asks, features soft.

“Kiss it better first?”

Billy smirks, proud of your ability to flirt with him.

“I shouldn’t. Should leave it alone until it heals some.”

You pout.

He kisses you anyways.

When he pulls away, he unscrews the lid to the balm and you hook your fingers in his belt loops. He dips his index finger in and brings it to your mouth, spreading it over the sore spot and then over the remaining expanse of your lips.

You rub them together after he’s finished.

“Thank you.” Billy nods, returning the container to the depths of his jean pockets.

“Will you tell me what’s got you so worked up?” He helps you off of the counter. You leave the bathroom and head to your bedroom. He follows without a second thought.

You gesture for him to sit down, but you remain standing so that you can pace as you speak.

“I saw Nancy today.”

“Yeah?” Billy knows this, and you know he does, but he wants you to let it all out.

“Yeah,” you start. “She asked me how I was doing. I told her that I was doing okay.”

“And she said ‘You must be doing better if you’re out by yourself, doing big girl stuff.’ What the fuck does that even mean, Billy?” It’s a rhetorical question. One he doesn’t answer.

“She made it sound like I was incapable of being anything but a loner. Like I can’t take care of myself or something? It just got me thinking about how she always thought I was so odd for not being like her.”

Billy wishes you would sit down. Your pacing is stressing him out.

“Then Nancy asked me if I was seeing anyone, and I said you.”

You sit, and Billy’s shoulders relax.

“She acted surprised, Billy.”

“She said, ‘I guess I’m just shocked. I guess I thought he wasn’t someone that really dated.’ And then, ‘You know, I know we aren’t really close anymore, but you could so do better than him.’”

You’re standing again. Billy realizes that you’re pissed off. He’s never seen you this way before. He kind of likes it.

“And she’s basing this off of, what, one interaction she’s had with you? Whatever she hears around school? Shit, she doesn’t even know you. She doesn’t even know me anymore, and the fact that she’s just blatantly giving me relationship advice?”

“Billy, I yelled at her.”

He laughs. Tosses his head back and laughs. He wishes he could’ve seen you rip Nancy Wheeler a new one. In fact, he would’ve paid to do so.

You start grinning at him. He’s so proud of you.

“I just—she made me so mad and I just started shouting at her. It just felt so unfair, the way she was acting. I only agreed to go today because I thought I might get closure after feeling forgotten about for so long. And I told her that.”

“She claimed she didn’t forget about me, but that she just ‘found a different social circle.’ Fuck! So I told her that she had no right telling me what to do with my life when she sure as shit never cared before. And I couldn’t let her talk about you either.”

You finish, setting your hands on your hips. Billy stands and takes your face into his hands again.

“I’m proud of you, Y/N. That you went out today and then stood up for yourself. The yelling is pretty badass too. And I appreciate you defending me. It’s nice to know you’d do that even when I’m not there.”

“Of course I would.” You grab his hand and kiss his palm. “Thank you.”

He nods. “So how come you fucked up your lip then?”

“Trying to deal with it, I guess. I felt bad the whole way home. Like maybe I’d been a bitch or something.”

“Hey, no. You aren’t a bitch for wanting better and for saying so.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m positive.”

The both of you have been so caught up in handling this that you didn’t hear Nicky come home, or wander through the house putting groceries away. You only realize she’s there when her voice comes from across the hall.

“He’s right, honeybee! Not a bitch!” She exclaims, and then she’s shutting the door to her room. She just needed to make sure you heard that. She’s proud of you too.

You bury your face in Billy’s neck and he’s laughing so much that you have to move your head.

“I hate you both.”

“I bet you do. Guess you won’t need any make-it-better kisses then.”

“Asshole.”

“Yeah. Nope. No more.”

“Please?” You grab hold of his hips.

Billy stares at you. He’s going to break. You both know it. But he can’t resist the urge to pretend like he won’t, just for a second.

He kisses you, once, twice.

When he pulls away he puts an arm around you, his hand resting on the small of your back. His fingertips slip just underneath the waistband of your jeans. Suddenly he looks very serious.

“Have you done that before?” He asks. You know what he means. And you know the answer.

“Yes,” you say. Billy closes his his for just a second. Something about composure.

“Do you—is it to hurt yourself?”

You’re quiet for a moment, thinking. Trying to articulate a response to this. It’s an anxious habit, sure. Sometimes you’re picking at your lip without even realizing, and you quit when you do.

But other times, maybe that is the case. You pick and bite until your lip is bleeding, until it’s swollen, until it hurts to eat or drink.

“Sometimes.”

Billy inhales and you can see the way his chest shakes.

“Talk to me,” he says. He thinks about chewing on his thumb nail or lighting up. It’s the same thing. A coping mechanism.

“I usually do it if I feel like I need to shut everything out. It’s a distraction from big feelings. Maybe like a punishment if I feel stupid or if I’ve embarrassed myself.”

“You ever told anyone this before?” Billy has pulled you closer than you thought possible, his arm around your back snug like he’s afraid to let you go.

“Just you.”

Billy feels a pang in his chest at that. Just you. Him.

“I don’t want you to shut them out anymore. You feel something big, you talk to me about it, yeah?”

“Okay.” You look so vulnerable. Like he’s looking at a part of yourself you’ve never shown anyone before.

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Will you work on this with me?”

“Only if you work on the smoking with me.”

Billy rests his forehead against yours, exhales through his nose.

“Okay.”

————

Billy’s staying the night again. You’re in the shower, so he’s sitting at the counter in your kitchen. He offered to help Nicky fix dinner or wash dishes or do something, but she downright refused.

He’s turned his head to look at a picture of you on the counter. Your senior picture. You look so pretty.

This means that the side of his face is in Nicky’s direct line of sight. The side that Neil hit. He side that’s bruised, despite his hoping it wouldn’t.

Nicky looks up, feeling a jolt in her chest. Something in her just knows. If Billy had been in a fight, you would’ve told her. She knows you would’ve. But if it was a non-school fight, those chances are slim.

She knows. Every cell in her body screams with it.

“Billy, honey? Can I ask you something?”

The boy turns back to face your mother, spinning the ring on his middle finger around and around. “Sure.”

She moves to face the sink so as to not embarrass him.

“How long?”

Billy’s fingers freeze. She knows. Of course she knows. He thinks about pretending he doesn’t have clue what she means. But he knows she’d see right through that.

He buries his face in his hands. “Since I was a kid. Since he couldn’t take it out on my mom anymore.”

Nicky sets the plate she’d been holding down to dry and drains the water from the sink. Dishes can wait.

“Billy, you don’t have to hide from me. You’re safe here. I think we’ve made that pretty clear, sweetheart.”

The boy straightens and sits on his hands.

“I’m assuming Y/N knows? Probably already looked at it?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

Nicky approaches the other side of the counter from where he sits and clasps her hands. “You know that you can come here anytime you need to, right?”

“I know.”

“Y/N said Max is your step-sister. Is your father aggressive towards her or your step-mother?”

Billy hates being asked these questions but for some reason he feels no urge to fight it. He knows Nicky means no harm and only wants the best for him.

“He’s never laid a hand on Max, no. I wouldn’t let that happen. I’m not really around Susan much, though, but I’ve never seen her with anything or heard him do anything. He screams at her sometimes, though. He’s a piece of shit. He doesn’t treat her any better than he did my mom. They deserve better. Both of them.”

Nicky quirks a brow. “And you don’t?”

Billy’s breath catches. “I don’t know.”

“You do. You deserve the world, hon’.”

Billy blinks, hard. “Thank you.”

“Just telling you the truth, kiddo.”

Nicky goes quiet for a moment, playing with her own rings. One of them you got for her when you were twelve. It has her birthstone set into it.

“You’re eighteen, Billy. Technically your dad doesn’t have any claims to you anymore.” She’s slowly plotting, a steady stream of thoughts forming in her mind.

“Supposing you want to stay with Max, or even in your own home—because I can’t imagine you’d want to be uprooted again—do you think that Susan is capable of taking care of herself and the both of you? Say if Neil weren’t around?”

Billy contemplates this. He’s trying to get past the knowledge that there’s an adult in his life actively and genuinely trying to help him and make sure he’s safe. No one’s ever had a heart-to-heart with him like this. Frankly, he’s at a loss.

“I suppose so. I mean she took care of Max before. And Max was a pretty happy kid, I think. You know, internally. If you look past the sarcasm.”

Nicky laughs. It’s the kind of sound that you miss when you haven’t heard it in awhile.

“I think Max only got sort of reclusive once Neil came in and sort of pushed her dad out. I don’t think I helped either. But yeah, I-I think she could. Take care of us.”

“And I feel wrong saying this, because she’s not my mother, and it’s her life, but I think she needs better. If she wants Max back then she needs to leave Neil. Because Susan is losing Max. I can see it.”

Billy hears the shower shut off from down the hall, the sound of the curtain being pushed aside.

“What if I talked to Susan? Would that make you uncomfortable? Maybe I can get through to her. About Neil. And I can talk to Max, or I can back off.”

He hears the bathroom door open. Sees a flash of you across the hallway in a towel, then the slam of your own bedroom door. It makes him laugh.

Nicky knows exactly what you’ve done. You’ve done the same thing since you were a kid. It warms her heart to see him laugh at little things like that.

“No. It wouldn’t make me uncomfortable,” Billy says. “I would appreciate that, actually. But maybe let me talk to Max first?”

“Anything you need, honey. And I want you to know that this is a safe space, okay? If you ever need somewhere to stay. And the same goes for Max. If she needs to get away or anything.”

Billy looks up at Nicky and she has the kindest smile he’s ever seen. He knows she means everything she’s saying.

He has the urge to hug her and so he does. He hasn’t had a mom to hug in so long.

————

Billy’s driving again. It seems this is the only time he can get himself to talk about the hard stuff with her.

“Max.”

“Huh?” She’s reading a comic book. He doesn’t know how she does that. He’d probably hurl.

“Nicky wants to help Susan leave Neil.”

Max doesn’t move or close the comic, but she does stare at the page for an awfully long time. “So what does that mean?”

“I don’t know, exactly. But I was wondering…do you want me to leave too? Or can I stay?”

Billy has never sounded this raw and emotional around her before. It’s enough to make her face him.

“You think you have to leave?”

“I don’t know if you or Susan are going to want me to stay.”

Max sighs. “I want you to stay. It’d be weird to not have someone in the next room with horrible music playing. Do you want to go?”

“No,” he says, fingers gripping the steering wheel.

“Then stay.”

Stay.

————

“So you’ve verbally brutalized two of the Wheeler women in the last couple of weeks?”

You’re laying on Max’s bed. You can’t help but notice it’s softer than Billy’s but you try not to ponder that for too long.

Susan and Neil aren’t here.

“I wonder if Mike knows this. That he’s got a predatory mother.”

“I don’t know.” You roll onto your back and stare at the posters on her walls.

“If it helps,” she says, pasting a new sticker on her skateboard, “I never liked Nancy anyways. Kinda bitchy.”

You snort, looking at her sticker as she presents it to you. “Very nice,” you say.

“Lucas got it for me.”

“That was sweet of him.”

This time she snorts.

There’s the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. “Uh oh,” you say. “The beast has awoken.”

Max laughs hard enough that she has to slap a hand over her mouth when he appears in the doorway.

Billy looks at you with a scowl on his face before approaching Max’s bed. He flops down on top of you and buries his face in your neck.

“You left me,” he says.

It’s true. You’d been in his room with him, snuggling, though he refuses to call it that. He’d fallen asleep on you, but you didn’t have a book or anything, so after a while, spine aching, you slipped out and left him to nap.

A glance at Max and she’s making a gagging motion at you. You glare toward the sticker she just put on and she rolls her eyes, cornered.

“You fell asleep. I wanted you to rest. And my back started to hurt.” Billy grunts, and you notice the mess that his hair has become. You point it out to Max. She starts grinning and so do you, and it’s as if he can sense it.

“Stop.”

“Not doing anything.”

Billy lifts his head to look at you, brow furrowed and eyes puffy with sleep. There are even sheet marks on the side of his face.

“You’re conspiring.” He collapses back into your chest. “Little shits, both of you.”

You laugh and he whines again because you’ve jostled him.

You look at Max and she crosses her legs over Billy’s back, using her brother as a foot rest. He’s too sleepy to complain. She puts a pillow under her head and settles in, seemingly ready to take her own nap.

Shit, you think. Might as well. And you close your eyes too, petting Billy’s hair as you do. He smiles into you. You can feel it.

And it’s the best nap you’ve ever had.

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x fem!reader #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove comfort #billy hargrove fluff #billy hargrove angst #billy stranger things #billy stranger things fic #stranger things fic #max mayfield #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove series #savannah’s fics

634 notes · View notes

bigdumbbambieyes · 2 years ago

Text

okay, hear me out. S3 rewrite with Billy in Robin’s role while the Mindflayer makes Neil it’s host.

like, picture it for a sec: we’d get the Billy-Steve friendship we deserved, we’d have an actual human antagonist who was shown to be canonically abusive and controlling in S2, and Billy could be a reluctant (but important) addition to The Party for S4. he’s the brawn and brains that they need.

things to consider:

we’d get Steve and Billy in matching Scoops Ahoy uniforms. maybe they both applied as lifeguards but had a fight in front of the manager so they both didn’t get the position, and they applied everywhere in Starcourt once it opened and surprise!! they were both hired at Scoops and now they have to get along or else they’ll be broke the whole summer!

Billy watching in amusement as Steve fails to hook up with girls, maybe he even makes the same scoreboard. there also wouldn’t be a need to have the moms lusting over Billy bc he has no reason to meet Karen at the motel - no predatory behaviour from her in this timeline!!

imagine the banter. billy would have something to say to everyone and it would be so funny, especially between he and Max. give me one proper sibling fight please!

while a coming out scene would be great for Billy, and i would love to see Steve react to that (like, his reaction to a gay woman he had a crush on would be sooo different from a gay man he used to beef with, let’s be real), i also want more depth from Billy since he’s not flayed and El wouldn’t be looking into his past for us. so maybe instead of a coming out scene, they talk about the fight at the Byers’ during the bathroom scene. we get a glimpse into Billy’s carefully guarded emotions (maybe even his relationship w his dad) and both Steve and Billy get to move on from that night. closure and moving on from it together as newfound friends!

Billy could be shown that he is actually a smart cookie and cracks the Russian’s code (with Steve’s help). Dustin and Steve are impressed and Dustin begins to warm up to Billy a little.

new Scoops Troop!! Billy and Steve and Dustin dynamic omg. and Erica and Billy?? imagine she kinda confronts him about what happened with him and Lucas in S2, so she’s uncertain of him bc of that, but now Billy has the chance to make things right and clear up misunderstandings. and in this timeline, he apologizes to Lucas. because Lucas deserves that so. much. and Billy should have the chance to become a better person like Steve did. and maybe Lucas doesn’t forgive him, which is justified bc he doesn’t have to forgive him at all, but he gets the apology he deserves at the very least.

Steve and Billy getting tortured together oof. that would hit hard bc imagine Billy is being punched and slapped and he’s just laughing and taunting and Steve’s like wtf. it would be a great set up for the bathroom scene - like ‘why were you laughing while we were being literally tortured??’

Billy getting to see Steve draw a charge during his ‘fight’ with the Russian soldier and being proud of him, clapping him on the back with a grin while Steve gives him a shy smile. perhaps even…a meaningful, lingering look?? a spark between them??

also Steve and Billy high as fuck together lol i just want that so bad, please!!

and while Billy is with the Scoops Troop, The Party is focused on Neil. it would be a great chance to see Max’s relationship with her step father and she notices how weird he’s being. he’s nicer to Susan, even nicer to her, but then her mom starts acting weird, too. and when she finally meets up with Billy at Starcourt when the Mindflayer manifests, they discuss everything and Billy is conflicted. he’s happy that his old man is finally getting what’s been coming to him all these years, but that’s still his dad. it’s complicated but not really touched upon but implied. (and i think that would also be a great set up for S4. he gets those weird feelings in S4, thinking ‘i wanted him to die’ but also feeling guilt because his relationship with his father is so twisted from years of abuse).

we could explore Neil’s past a bit with this timeline, too. we could get a glimpse of why he is the way he is, like we did with Billy. El could see the abuse he put Billy and his mom through. she sympathizes with Billy, but she also sees how Neil was abused, too, and feels this empathy for him. which is how she brings him out of the possession, because El is empathetic by nature, under all that anger and naivety. she knows what it’s like to abuse and be abused and want to be better than those who hurt her. and when Neil does break through, he is killed just like Billy was in S3, and Billy runs over once his dad flops to the ground. Neil grits out ‘i’m sorry’ but Billy doesn’t say anything, doesn’t forgive him. he doesn’t even cry. he just…stares, looking like the lost little boy he’s always been. and Max finally runs over to pull her brother up, to drag them both away from Neil, and Billy can’t look away from his dad’s body until it’s finally out of sight.

and ofc the season ends with Steve and Billy both working at Family Video!! with Neil and Susan gone (she would’ve been part of the MF’s army), it’s just Billy and Max now, living in that trailer. that would be such an interesting dynamic to write for S4.

anyways that’s all!! that’s my silly rewrite. Billy deserved to have a support system and a real relationship with his sister and a boy his age and it could’ve been done in S3. 🤍

#billy hargrove #harringrove #stranger things season 3 rewrite #headcanon #sorry to robin for the erasure but billy needs this more and i say that with my chest #bambiwrites

953 notes · View notes

shanastoryteller · 2 years ago

Note

#lily james and sirius all trusted peter over remus #do you ever think about that #and what that implies about their relationship - WELL NOW I AM THINKING ABOUT IT I GUESS :sideeye: What do you think WHY they did it that way? Like, I mean, a deeply (?) buried prejudice against 'dark creatures'? Idk I just don't see that at least for Lily...would be really interested to hear your thoughts on that if you'd be willing to expand on that. Thx and take care xx

this ask touches on SEVERAL things i think about all the time so i'm going to use it as an excuse to talk about all of them

i think lily could be just as prejudiced, if not more, as anyone who's grown up in the wizarding world

harry's dislike of slytherin ("anything but slytherin") was solidified by one throwaway comment by hagrid and one unpleasant interaction with draco. these kids are eleven. that's the perfect age to pick up on unbiased bigotry. no critical thinking, all reaction, and bubbling with feelings lacking framework

hermione doesn't care about remus being a werewolf, but then again she's a rights and freedoms activist. she wouldn't, would she? that's not a muggleborn thing, that's a hermione thing

harry doesn't care, but honestly that's because harry - like a lot of abused kids - is incredibly self centered. people who are nice to him and who are safe are good. people who are mean and who could hurt him are bad. it takes him years to develop any type of nuance, because that's how long it takes for him to both grow up and grow out of survival mode. harry doesn't hate werewolves because a werewolf has never insulted his mother or made him uncomfortable. remus is nice to him, remus is safe, remus is a werewolf - therefore being a werewolf can't be bad

lily was best friends with severus snape, who's not a man i associate with a large amount of tolerance. if snape had kept his hatred to creatures rather than muggles, maybe lily wouldn't have cared at all

frankly, i don't think the marauders - any of them - were exactly the nicest of people, and i don't think their ringleader married the nicest of girls

that doesn't make them evil. and frankly a lot of kids grow out of their meanness (the saddest i'm ever able to feel for canon snape is at the idea that james grew out of his meanness at the same rate that snape grew into his)

but damn, did these kids' meanness take things way too far

one of the things that i can't help but roll my eyes at in canon is the idea that snape owes james a life debt. especially since this first comes up in first year when dumbledore is trying to explain snape's actions to harry by saying he protected harry to repay his father - and not the fact that he's a teacher and that's his job, or the obvious truth that dumbledore didn't want to tell harry - that snape looks out for him, inbetween being and asshole and terrible teacher - because his mother was his best friend

frankly, the incident surrounding this casts sirius in such an irredeemable light that the only way i can wrap my head around this occuring anything close to canon without remus cutting sirius out of his life or some serious consequences, and with dumbledore apparently knowing about all of it and not being outright insane, is this:

sirius told snape about the whomping willow because he thought he was a coward

the shrieking shack was rumored to be haunted and everyone avoided it because of the terrible shrieking, which was obviously remus as he transformed. snape was snooping around and sirius was tired of dodging him and so told him about the secret passage. he thinks snape is a coward, so what he thinks is going to happen is that snape gets scared at the screams, backs out of looking further, and is so embarrassed about being a coward that he stops harassing them about all the questions surrounding remus

this has to be it, because the only option is that he was okay with killing another student, ruining his best friend's life if not getting him thrown in azkaban, and likely getting himself expelled. in one version sirius is a kid with bad judgement but no malicious intent, while in the other he's literally a psycopath

obviously this plan doesn't work because snape is a lot of things, but not a coward. realistically this is happening in their sixth year when james is already obsessed with lily and she's likely started to thaw towards him if not dating him. he's heard more about snape from lily than he's been able to pick up in six years of sniping at each other and james knows that there's no way in hell that snape is going to turn away. instead of trying to explain that to sirius, he bolts, and goes to stop snape from finding remus

he's too late, but they both manage to get away unscathed, somehow. the other thing that makes sense to me is that james through himself between snape and remus - not as a form of self sacrifice, but because remus was familiar enough with him, even while he's in his human form and remus is a wolf, to be thrown enough to stop himself from attacking

james was in very little to no danger. if remus had lunged for him, he could have transformed into prongs. snape, on the other hand, could have died

he did not risk his life to save snape. he risked some injury, quickly fixed by pomfrey, if anything. if james hadn't saved snape, sirius would be expelled, remus would be imprisoned or worse, snape would be dead, and lily would never speak to him again

snape is the one with all the power here. i imagine this is when lily has to get involved, because the idea that snape didn't go around telling everyone what happened, that dumbledore would just tell snape to keep quiet about being nearly murdered by another student, makes no sense

lily finds out about remus being a werewolf because he nearly kills her childhood friend. lily has spent years thinking that remus is a cruel, heartless bully, and now she finds out that he's a monster

lily is not on the mauraders' side here

but snape is physically incapable of not biting his nose to spite his face. he reads dark books all the time and he knows exactly how dangerous a werewolf is and why and he knows that it's not his fault, that remus can't help himself, and he snaps at lily. things between them are so broken by now (if this is how she reacts to dark things, how would she react if she knew the truth about him?). he says that if she wasn't an ignorant mudblood then she'd know better than to come to the most base conclusions

getting scolded by snape of all people for being prejudiced cleanses her of her knee jerk fear and shames her for feeling it at all. snape now feels stuck because he can't go back on his words that were mostly bullshit, so he has to commit. when dumbledore hears of everything, snape says that he went exploring in the shack on his own even though it's forbidden and james stopped him, which is why all dumbledore does is tell him to keep remus's secret

whatever the reason, whatever the circumstances, snape does not: go public to get remus expelled/imprisoned/killed or tell the world that sirius attempted to kill him; ever tell another soul what remus is even if he does hint an awful lot when he starts working in his school again (with children, when he's so dangerous, and snape is then proven right)

i think the reason why remus and snape's relationship is almost cordial is because remus is grateful to him. snape may hate him and hate that he's there and think he's not qualified to be there, but he did not return cruelty with more cruelty 20 some odd years ago and even the werewolf curriculum while he's out is so much less worse than it could be. snape is petty and vicious and rude and very cruel, but sometimes in some circumstances "not as much of an asshole as you could have been" is enough

that said, i don't think lily, james, and sirius's feelings for remus were about prejudice

i think james and sirius have known each other the longest - both purebloods if in different circles - and peter's known them only slightly less. i think of the pettigrews as a formerly rich if not prestigious family that's fallen on hard times - perhaps drained by the war

remus they meet at hogwarts and they love him and trust him and the very first thing he does is lie to them. it's not personal. they understand why, when they find out, but now they know what remus acts like when he's lying

war is hard

sirius says no because he's the obvious choice, but also because he's still fighting on the frontlines, likely working to turn moderates from dark families because he's the best one for that, because despite his break from his family he still knows that crowd, still grew up with them

remus is working to do the same thing with the werewolves, just like we see him doing with the second war

i think peter is a spy. he's supposed to use his animagus form to spy on death eater meetings, which is how he gets caught and how he gets turned

harry is an accident

lily and james are fighting on the frontlines of this war. they're young and everything's going to hell and they have work to do - now is not the time for a child. but lily gets pregnant, which is bad enough, but then they find out that Voldemort is targeting their child specifically they make the very hard decision to place their family over the war

they hide

but sirius, remus, and peter can't hide. they still have work to do. more work, even, now that lily and james can't leave their home

i don't think sirius and remus ever intended to have children. whether they're together or apart, the reasoning is the same. a werewolf raising a child is under such intense scrutiny. any child of sirius's would be hounded by the black family, and frankly i think sirius in particular had a lot of growing up to do even then

peter, i think, might have planned to have children. he spends twelve years not only as a rat, but a child's pet rat. children are rough and loud. i can only assume that he must have liked children to settle there, liked them enough to find being their pet a comfort rather than a trial

but what they all decide long before harry is even thought of is that they'll raise their kids together

harry is lily and james's son but he's all their kid. sirius is his official godfather but the mauraders understand it's a title they all share

i think both sirius and remus and even peter didn't want war to touch the potters now that they moved away from it. i think they all sunk into the idea that if they could only keep this one little part of their family safe, maybe it would be worth all the devastation

they started lying

not maliciously. not meanly. but they were trying to hide their stress and horror and fear not only from the potters, but from each other

they all know what remus looks like when he's lying, when he's lying about something huge, when he's doing it all the time

but remus knows what sirius is like when he's lying too. so does james, but since sirius isn't suspicious of him, so he confides in him, and james has no reason to disbelieve him

remus doesn't confide in them. he's trying to be strong for them. he's trying to be a decent soldier and a good uncle and a good friend and he's cracking but he can't crack. his family is depending on him

they know there's a spy. it has to be one of them

remus knows sirius is lying. sirius knows remus is lying. they suspect each other, and the potters reluctantly start to suspect remus too - they have seen this behavior before, after all

as for peter?

he's under so much pressure, and he's so nervous and jumpy all the time. he's not hiding anything

peter's not lying to them

#asks #anon #harry potter #holy fuck this is long #why did i do this

833 notes · View notes