#or “how arya really deserved better from her parents”

[pixiecactus]

there's something to be said about the fact that arya has been told time and time again that her looks and personality are not satisfactory enough to be a lady of a great house. how the willful part of herself has to be erased completely for her to be successfully introduced to westerosi society. she has an enormous difficult time trying to conform and is deemed a failure by her educator.

(fuck you, septa mordane! and also why catelyn never put two and two together over the fact that arya only failed the septa's lessons and not with the other educators when said woman talked only shit about her child; she just went alongside the septa... no wonder that your own child thinks that you won't love her if she happens to be dirty and with her hair messy and tangled enough, catelyn! she thinks that she needs to be deserving of your motherly love. it gets worse; poor arya was so desperately convinced that her mother wouldn't want her back that she accidentally pulled off sections of her own hair trying to comb her badly cut hair. that's a deeply distressed child and it breaks my heart everytime i think about it... as a reader, i know that you loved all of your children, but for fuck's sake, catelyn, you let it get this way for long enough time)

how it's completely insane that arya did never knew how different northern ladies are from their southern counterparts and how she happens to fit perfectly with the former. ned and catelyn went: "southern is the only way to go" in respect to the girls education and called it a day, really.

(my petty ass really wants to write: "ned stark and catelyn tully were really the most southern people living in the north" and "that's what being fostered in the south does to a northern mf")

but even when we have all of this messing up arya's sense of self-worth and self-esteem to a great extent. we still have some of arya's brothers being the biggest arya's supporters that had ever lived in westeros.

said brothers that when they happen to like or admire a girl, they can't help themselves to compare her to their beloved sister arya.

we saw it with jon and ygritte, and with bran and meera, and we could even make the case of rickon with his motherly figure osha if we had more info. and all of them are northern women that didn't get a southern education.

how the stark brothers (yes, jon is included in this group) really love arya for who she already is, to the point that they want to surround themselves with girls/women with a similar enough personality, and that for me is one of the biggest compliments you can give to a person.

also if this post of mine claiming that i can't give catelyn a pass due her treatment of arya, makes people say that i'm misogynist so be it, i'm over it... i was once a child in arya's position with a parental figure that favoured another child, and always made comparisons between us, that made me feel awful, and to this day whenever this person talks to me to let me know that they care about me, and they love me i can't help myself to think that they only do it because they pity me and what became of me and that's a fear and hurt that will never leave me and how this could also be the case for arya growing up since catelyn is dead and lady stoneheart is mostly an embodiment of revenge (i realize that this could imply that this parental figure is transphobic, and meanwhile i have to say that they most probably are since i grew up in a conservative family, they don't know that i've transitioned and i will never tell them either)

[spideyjimin]

No matter how much of a good person Eunji as a friend & a co parent in Jungkook's life. Can she fuck off? Like it wasn't her place to say about anything about her baby's father & his ex's relationship. She wasn't there in their relationship.

Does she even know what made YN break off the relationship? Looks like she never heard both the sides of the story.

Coming to Jungkook. I was honestly pissed off when i read that he just like that took the name (Arya) which he decided with YN for their child and gave it to the daughter he had with another woman. I was heartbroken for him too. He never deserved to be heartbroken but god what a jerk!

Bro never had any issues at his company like ever? Is he only facing problems only after he met YN again? Ain't he's acting like a petty ex? He clearly used YN after 10 years. It was just sex? If he feels that his family is perfect as it is then he should've kept it inside his pants instead of kissing & having sex with YN whenever possible. Looks like be just want to break her after what she put him through.

"This's a moment deeply cherished that will forever stay in his heart.... This is a moment where time completely stops"

Helppp! Me!!! I agree with him being a best father for Arya. Him putting her as his first is appreciatable. But bro Eunji?

"This would have probably never existed with you by his side" then fuck off you ratass!

This girl put him as her priority and resigned her job to be beside him and it only took him "JK, are you sure it's a good idea, would you want to try again?" from a chick he had ONS with and someone who's also dating a whole ass human behind her daughter's back to reconsider his decision. Eunji simply gaslighted him :)

Jungkook is a fucking coward. Honestly he fucking used YN and threw her away like a paper this time and never bothered to even stay until she said something back. He just said one simple 'take care' and left.

No wonder YN felt wanted (used) but not loved. I hope she finds her happy ending. And if (only if) JK & YN dosen't end up together. Then he should go broke or get heartbroken again. Ass.

Sorry for this long ass ask. I couldn't stop myself from writing this. I hope you don't mind the fact that I dragged JK's character here. 😅

Love your writing. Looking forward for the next chapter (honestly petty me wants to see JK regret using & throwing away YN).

hi angel ✨

don’t be sorry about this long ask, it even made me laugh & you can totally drag this jk!! thanks also for being adorable & hopefully you’ll like the next part 😬

then, i totally understand your point of view with eunji, probably, she shouldn’t have given her opinion because she doesn’t know the full story & doesn’t know yn’s side of the story. she actually went through a lot before breaking up with jk. but she simply wants the best for him, they are close & she was just trying to be helpful. for sure it didn’t help but it came from a good place.

then, for jk, he didn’t act well at all but it’s just completely lost. having Yn back in his life was harder than expected & he simply was overwhelmed with everything. the company issue was just the final straw. he was unhappy & hurt people hurt people. he could have done things better & it really feels like he used yn (which he did). but let’s hope he acts better afterwards 😬 i can guarantee you that yn will have her happy ending because she truly deserves it 💛

[crimsoncold]

They really did both stark girls so dirty...

Like why take Arya Stark- a girl struggling to fit in and live up to the restrictions and high expectations of noble girls, who feels a lot of insecurity about how she fails to enjoy or excel at the hobbies/duties expected of her, who feels constantly compared to/shown up by her older sister Sansa, whose hurt and resentment resulting from this pressure and internal struggle sadly gets directed mostly towards her own sister (but in a way that while certainly not right is still understandable for a little girl in such a scenario who isn't quite able to see what the real problem/enemy is and grasp how all women can be treated unfairly in a patriarchal society like westeros- even ones who try and succeed to meet the expectations put upon them) and instead they have her treat Sansa poorly just to what? get some laughs? poke fun at Sansa's displeasure by framing it as fussiness? show that Arya is the family darling and Sansa is the appropriately ridiculed outsider?... like this makes Arya seem not just immature and poorly behaved but also way less sympathetic, understandable, or likable. It takes away a major internal struggle for Arya as well as a potential arc for the character around not just her relationship with her sister but also on her views and understanding of womanhood and her acceptance of herself.

And why frame Sansa (in not just this scene but others as well) in a way that intends only to makes fun of her more feminine interests and her very typical romanticism/dreaminess for a girl her age. Why ignore the fact that in this situation it is perfectly understandable that Sansa would be angry or upset with her sister, why purposefully avoid showing any sympathy for the child who doesn't get to bond with or share the same interests as her siblings and who doesn't get any support or intervention from her parents on her behalf when she becomes the typical target for her sister's frustration.

Further more why choose to dismiss or ignore the importance of her struggle to retain the more romanticized views of life (i.e. her ability to still believe in heroes/the potential goodness of people) why dismiss or ignore the importance of her ability to maintain the goodness/compassion within herself when she is surrounded by immense cruelty... look at her concern for the well being of her people in the face of continued war/encroaching winter ...why is this treated as less significant or remarkable than the ability of other women to spar, fight with a sword, or utilize beasts of mass destruction... why does she instead have to realize she was only ever "a stupid little girl with stupid dreams"... why is her character arc completed only when she rejects her long held dreams of having a family and forming a loving partnership with a trustworthy/decent husband... worthy of being taken seriously only when she eliminates all aspects of her originally softer and gentler nature or appearance.

... like no wonder the writers altered the less traditionally feminine characters (Brienne, Arya, Lyanna Moromont) in order to have them look down on, criticize, or make fun of women, activities, or behaviour that is deemed traditionally feminine and womanly... this wasn't the message of the books or even the views of the book versions of these characters... they really were just made to be mouth pieces for the bias, misogyny, and sexism of the show writers. These characters all deserved better.

[esther-dot]

I can't forgive Ned for his utter lack of parenting when it comes to Sansa. He who showed more concern for Lady's corpse (who he killed without a fight, a few measly words in protest don't count) than his own daughter. Though I don't think GRRM sees it that way, for him it seems Sansa is somehow flawed for being distraught and not being 100% perfect. I wonder if he realises he wrote Ned as neglectful parent to Sansa, I think he'd be surprised by how some see Ned's mistakes.

When I read AGOT, Ned and Sansa’s dynamic reminded of one I’ve seen irl. Sometimes when people have a dreamy child, parents romanticize that and don’t want their child to be disillusioned, so they shield the child from reality in a way that isn’t healthy and might actually endanger the child.At times the desire to protect a child’s innocence leads parents to keep them in ignorance of things that they really need to know. It is a failure, but not for lack of care, rather, being misguided in how they care.

I don’t think the author intended us to  judge it too severely, so yes, I think he would be surprised by the harshest of the criticism leveled at Ned because some of what we deem neglectful doesn’t feel like the author intended for us to view it the way we do, it just allowed him to create the necessary unraveling of Sansa’s trust in her father’s judgment to allow her to defy him.

I believe that Ned loved Sansa dearly, but when you have a “perfect” child and one that demands attention, one of those kids you begin to depend on to always be that way, to always behave, and the other soaks up a lot of energy. It is easy to overlook the emotional needs of the goody goody because they aren’t demanding anything. Ned offers Sansa less as a result of this dynamic. Less attention, less explanation, because she always did what she was supposed to do, but also, when I read the words he uses with Sansa, it makes me wonder if he and Jon share that same soft spot for Sansa’s romanticism, and he thought he didn’t want to crush her view of the world.

"Sweet one," her father said gently, "listen to me. When you're old enough, I will make you a match with a high lord who's worthy of you, someone brave and gentle and strong. This match with Joffrey was a terrible mistake. That boy is no Prince Aemon, you must believe me." (AGOT, Sansa III)

Looking at this we see an admission that he made a mistake, we see him telling Sansa she is worth far more, deserves better, than this, and a plea for her to trust him, “believe me” rather than telling her the truth. Of course, we know why he didn’t tell her the truth, she’s a child and information such as this can get you killed, and if not for all the mistakes he made earlier with Sansa, she may have done as he asked.

There’s laziness in not seeking out the “easy” kid and making sure they’re well, but there’s also...a naivete to this type of parenting that fits in with Ned’s lack of planning for the future. Almost like the desire for their child to remain a child will somehow stop other people from taking advantage of the ignorance you’ve kept them in. Even in this conversation, I still think Ned isn’t being as direct as he should have been with Sansa because while Ned is focused on everything he knows, he is ignoring what Sansa believes which is, Arya is the troublemaker, their fighting is why they’re being punished by going home, and Arya is getting the thing she wants to make going home easier, but Sansa is getting nothing. If Ned had offered to bring a singer home, I wonder if it might have been different, but as it is, he is robbing Sansa, the one who up to that point hadn’t done anything wrong but suffered by his hand when he killed Lady, to sacrifice without question. I read this, and I think the author intended for us to sympathize with her:

Sansa cried as Septa Mordane marched them down the steps. They were going to take it all away; the tournaments and the court and her prince, everything, they were going to send her back to the bleak grey walls of Winterfell and lock her up forever. Her life was over before it had begun.

"Stop that weeping, child," Septa Mordane said sternly. "I am certain your lord father knows what is best for you."

(AGOT, Sansa III)

Once she may have believed her father, once she may have been reassured by her Septa, but now? After Lady? Now while being denied the life she had been taught to expect and accept without question? This is what she was raised for, this is what she was brought here to do, and suddenly, nope. Her dad changed his mind and she has to leave and go back to a life that is unfulfilling and stifling? It’s too much! And nothing is offered her, not a real explanation, no true sympathy, and nothing to make returning to Winterfell less than the most grievous disappointment.

To me, it reads like a situation in which we are meant to understand both viewpoints and sympathize with both characters.

Ned isn’t the villain, and Sansa has every reason to feel as she does.

It’s a literary trope to have characters desperate to leave the small town for the big city, to escape life on the farm etc, and this reads so much like that, there is no way Martin thought fans would condemn Sansa’s desire for more. At the same time, I don’t think he wants fans to think too badly of Ned. It seems to me that the author wants to include mistakes without it being a sweeping condemnation of a character. I think of Cat who says a cruel thing to Jon and how the rest of the fandom will never forgive her, and to Martin, it was meant to be a sign of her extraordinary grief and pain, that we’re meant to understand that was not the norm which makes me think that he expects us to be far more understanding of characters than we are, generally speaking.

When I read AGOT, I don’t feel like I’m being guided to condemn Sansa or Ned. I think Martin set out to crush Sansa’s illusions, but I believe in his mind, that’s a sad thing. That Sansa is a victim of her world, not that she was wrong to have faith in the first place. And Ned made mistakes, but he remains one of the few good men in the series, and his values, are more or less correct. There’s a reason why it is his children who will rule in the end. All the same, Martin certainly intended us to find some fault with Ned, as Ned himself does!

He damned them all: Littlefinger, Janos Slynt and his gold cloaks, the queen, the Kingslayer, Pycelle and Varys and Ser Barristan, even Lord Renly, Robert's own blood, who had run when he was needed most. Yet in the end he blamed himself. "Fool," he cried to the darkness, "thrice-damned blind fool."

Cersei Lannister's face seemed to float before him in the darkness. Her hair was full of sunlight, but there was mockery in her smile. "When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die," she whispered. Ned had played and lost, and his men had paid the price of his folly with their life's blood.

When he thought of his daughters, he would have wept gladly, but the tears would not come. Even now, he was a Stark of Winterfell, and his grief and his rage froze hard inside him. (Eddard, XV)

Ned knows he failed is men and failed his daughters. He had the right motivations, the right desires, the right goals, but he fumbled it all. He underestimated his enemies, and he didn’t put his daughters’ safety above all. He also realizes that Lady’s death was not merely a crime against justice, but a rejection of the blessing of his gods:

She put a finger to his lips. "Let me tell it all, my love. It will go faster that way. Listen."         

So he listened, and she told it all, from the fire in the library tower to Varys and the guardsmen and Littlefinger. And when she was done, Eddard Stark sat dazed beside the table, the dagger in his hand. Bran's wolf had saved the boy's life, he thought dully. What was it that Jon had said when they found the pups in the snow? Your children were meant to have these pups, my lord. And he had killed Sansa's, and for what? Was it guilt he was feeling? Or fear? If the gods had sent these wolves, what folly had he done?  (AGOT, Eddard IV)

So, yes, I do think Martin would be a little surprised at how angry Ned’s parenting makes us, but he does intend at least some critique here. If anyone’s parent killed their pet and then that parent said, “trust me,” there is no believing them, and the death of the pet is such a big thing in American lit, I think Martin fully intended for us to understand Sansa’s inability to continue to just obey, not for us to view it as a crime. Delivering the realization of just how bad this action was in Ned’s thoughts, so much worse than killing the average pet, means Martin certainly wants us to understand the full weight of it. But there can be mistakes that don’t erase the good in a character, parenting failures that aren’t entirely damning, and that interestingly enough, arise from not quite living in the real world, and I suppose in that way, Ned and Sansa both live in a dream.

[dontbipanicjonsa]

I’ve been reading Sansa fanfic and honestly I am so fucking tired. What is up with people making her out to be some selfish, mean, vindictive, I-don’t-even-fucking-know-what-else little kid????? Where the fuck does this come from???? What books are you reading?? 

How is it that in a book where characters are committing murder, rape, and even fucking baby exchanges, it is SANSA who needs to repent for her ‘crimes’?

Tell me again how Sansa is a shit person because of one mean thing she said to Arya in a fight but Jon, canonically called a ‘bully’ was the fucking paragon of good behavior as a child. Who’s gonna write the edgy Jon-was-a-pre-canon-bully fanfic huh?? That’s right. Fucking no one. Because we know Jon’s poor behavior at the Wall was driven as much out of his lack of awareness and appreciation of his privilege as it was by his struggle to reconcile the Wall of his dreams with reality. His behavior was an anomaly for him. 

Tell me again how Arya’s seeming class blindness in AGOT is so much better than Sansa’s raging classism. Who’s gonna say it was Arya’s fault Mycah got killed, because she didn’t recognize or appreciate her own privilege? Fucking no one. Because she’s nine, a child, and we’re not monsters.  

Sansa was selfish for expecting things that were already promised to her, but Arya wasn’t? Sansa is selfish for wanting to go to a tourney that’s being held in her father’s name. Sansa is selfish for expecting to be...married to her betrothed? Sansa is selfish for romanticizing/building up the life she is already expected to live? Sansa is selfish because she says Arya will ‘ruin everything’? Lemme tell you I have an older brother and I sure as fuck have ruined plenty of things for him as a kid stuff his friends lent him, that one time he went to watch some Hunger Game movie with his school friends and thought I would be mature enough to tag along and I really really wasn’t. That’s kind of what siblings do???? If Arya comes across as less ‘selfish’ than Sansa, then that’s because she’s hardly ever denied, and even when she is she’s made to understand why. Arya wants to learn to fight? Arya wants to flout expectations? Arya wants to take Syrio along on the ship? She gets it all. Is she selfish? NO. She’s a child. THEY ARE BOTH CHILDREN.

Sansa is mean, for having sibling fights with Arya? Never mind that she’s grieving the death of a part of her, Lady. Jon lashing out at the Wall may be an anomaly, but Sansa lashing out isn’t? WHY. Sansa is vindictive? Sansa who cried when fucking Joffrey dies? Sansa who is repeatedly described as sweet? Innocent? Courteous? 

When exactly is Sansa vindictive? When she doesn’t trust her father- who has been a pretty shit parent to her and fully deserves her distrust- to make the best decisions for her (as he hasn’t in the past) and decides to break one (1) rule in her life to...go to another adult to explain her problem? When she lashes out at Arya in her very valid grief because no one seems to give a flying fuck about helping her deal with it? When she utterly and absolutely ices out Tyrion, the fully grown Lannister man she has been forced to marry? Fuck you.

Ok no. I know. She’s power hungry. Just dying to be queen. I quake in my boots when I read her POV, honestly. Never mind that she is not the one who makes or even influences the decision to betroth her to the prince. (Alright she does in the show. But hey, Arya of the show is a misogynist, Jon is an absolute moron and Tyrion is the good guy so I won’t put a whole lot of stock in show characterization.) Never mind that Sansa’s desire to marry a ‘prince’ is driven more by her romanticizing  and wanting to have a life like the songs, and less to do with power. But nooo. Sansa wants to marry a lord even as late as ASOS. She’s willing to marry Willas because he’s a lord. 

Right. Because it is so much more terrible for a girl to want to marry a rich, powerful, upper class guy to get her out of her current shitty situation where she is utterly powerless, than it is for a slave owning girl to order the massacre of 13-years-old, upper class children. People forget that their fave wouldn’t be the character she is now if she hadn’t been married off to a powerful man all the way back in the first book, who unwittingly gave her a position of power of her own for the first time in her life. Or there wouldn’t be any dragons, there wouldn’t be any khaleesi. Isn’t that how patriarchy works??? Fuck Sansa for daring to want what Dany got- control over her own life via marriage. 

I’m just so tired. The point of Sansa’s character is that she’s empathetic. She’s soft. She’s polite and courteous. She’s nice to Sandor when he doesn’t deserve it. She calls Jon half-brother because that’s the politest term she can use. She stands up for others (Dontos, the people right before the riot, Tommen, fuck she even warns the Tyrells about Joffrey) even when she’s at her most powerless. She cries and feels bad and prays for her abusers. She’s unwilling to play ‘the game’. She chooses to continue to believe in and place value in the songs and stories as ideals that deserve to be lived up to in the midst of a harsh reality that has driven lesser people to nihilism and bitterness. This is who she is. To dismiss these things for the sake of making her out to be some mean and petty little girl is to misunderstand her entirely. 

But who would deign to lower themselves to the perspective of a pre teen girly girl anyway, right? 

[difx-writes]

Wildest Dreams - In the Death of the Night

Masterlist

After turning 10 and losing her soulmate, Marinette would imagine how Damian Wayne would be.

Would he be tall or short? Did he have blond hair or brown or did he dyed it? Would he be shy or have a bold personality? Perhaps he was an artistic soul, a poet, a writer? Or would he be a baker like her parents? Why did his last name change?

The wonders and questions took over her mind for days with no end.

On good days, she imagined how he would interact with her friends, how her parents would take him in as their own son, how he would fit into her life.

She liked to talk to him, pretending there, alive, with her. She asked his opinion on what to wear, how she should do her hair, what colors with go well with the design. He was her voice of reason. Talking to "Damian" brought a smile to her face, even when she knew she was deluding herself.

On bad days, she pretended he was right there with her, comforting her, encouraging her, whispering that everything would be alright... Sometimes it worked and she felt better the next days but most times she felt bitter, she felt robbed of a future where he was in her life.

The realization that the person she was supposed to share her soul with was no longer alive, that his death was painful, gruesome, and... lonely... It always ended with her taking a few days to prevent a breakdown...

When she turned 13, Hawkmoth appeared and Marinette became Ladybug, the hero of Paris.

Soon after, Marinette stopped talking with "Damian", she couldn't afford to wonder about him anymore. She couldn't afford the bliss of her own delusions. She couldn't afford to let herself grief and fall pray to Hawkmoth's manipulation.

As she couldn't fail Paris and its citizens, Damian Wayne mostly disappeared from her life.

But there were days when her “friends” demanded a lot from her, akumas were too violent and draining and everything was just too much, those the godawful days.

On godawful days she wished Damian was there to take her away to a place she could feel she belonged. Away from everything to a place she could call a home.

_______

Most nights Damian recalls a voice talking to him during the time he was dead.

His soulmate, he supposed, talked to him regularly, she started her day asking his opinion on her outfit for the day, when at home she would tell him how her day went, what she did with her friends, what she learned in class, etc...

At first, Damian was pretty much annoyed that he couldn't "rest in peace" with all the noise pollution but after a few weeks, he slowly started to tolerate her talking to him.

Unfortunately, he couldn't talk to her nor see her very clearly so it was a pleasant surprise when Marinette would ask his opinion to make a decision, she always picked what he chooses.

Perhaps it was their bond that allowed her to know what he was thinking without actually hearing each other's thoughts. Or maybe they were more in sync with one another. Most likely it was pure luck on her part. (Him being dead is enough proof of how bad his luck was.)

In the months he was dead, Damian learned a grand lot Marinette. He liked how she made him feel he wasn't alone, like how her voice calmed him when he remembered the family he left behind in his death. Marinette was his only lighthouse in the vast void of the afterlife

_______

Impotent, despair, and hopeless.

That's how Damian felt every time Marinette had to relive his death. He hated it so much. She didn't deserve that and it broke his heart every damn time.

Why did he have to die? Why did it have to be in such a painful way? Why did she have to feel it on repeat over and over and over again? Was it a twisted way the universe tried to make them reunited? If they can't find each other in life, then they can be together in death? That isn't right!

But it always hurts more when she wakes up and talks to him. Wondering if he was happy and in peace, in wherever place he ended up.

He was there but she didn't know.

He felt sick.

After being revived, Damian felt an immense sense of loss. Sure, he was kinda happy to reunite with his family and grateful for being alive again, but he missed her.

It was difficult to readjust to being alive again, it was crystal clear that Damian Wayne wasn't okay. What hurts him the most was how her name turned into a scar on his wrist.

During the day paranoia settled in making him always on high alert, lashing out when it got too much for him.

In the night, he couldn't sleep properly as a feeling of unease latched onto his every nerve and when he did sleep, nightmares plagued him.

Damian tried to calm down in various ways, but ultimately it was Marinette's voice that soothed him and lulled him to sleep.

It quickly became a habit to replay their one-sided conversations as he tries to fall asleep.

He went over what Marinette Dupain-Cheng spoke to him time and time again as to engrave her voice in his mind. Unfortunately, her voice was fading away, every time he recalled it, he hear his own voice.

At least some memories remained, which was relieving for Damian, even when important ones like what language she spoke or the name of her school were completely wiped out.

He never told his family his experience while he was dead, he guesses Jason was the most likely to know about it but he never brought it up to anyone, so Damian did the same.

Now he was lying in bed, remembering about the time Marinette tried embroidery for the first time.

She started by searching up what she wanted it to be and after much talking, she chose a Robin, Damian smile at the eagerness he felt for her to chose it. It was a fun day, with her making comments here and there about the work, he wishes he could see it.

A knock woke him up of his thoughts, Alfred emerging from the door.

"Master Damian, I'm here to inform you a guest will be joining us for tomorrow's dinner."

"Whose guest?" He didn't really feel like dealing with new people.

"It's Master Jason's guest."

Damian groans, perhaps he could go visit Kent.

"It would be in your best interest to participate, Master Damian." Alfred gave him a look.

He sighed, definitely can't miss tomorrow or he'll have to face Pennyworth.

So, I've written another chapter while listening to a sad song on repeat :') I know it doesn’t really connect to the last chapter but I wasn’t feeling okay and didn’t know how to continue from where I left off.

I hope y’all enjoyed this and have a nice day!

P.S.: The taglist is temporarily closed as some tags aren't working. Again, I'm very sorry if I missed anyone. If you no longer want to be tagged please hit me up.

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[karynlibrarian]

really annoys me how whenever the topic of Sansa trusting the Lannister comes up, some idiot will say "well Jon and Arya didn't they knew straight away" because its not that simple. but like so what? so what if she trusted the Lannisters & Arya and Jon knew better? she shouldn't be fucking victim blamed for the fact that as a child she was manipulated by some adults. that's what it is victim blaming

Yeah, there’s a tendency to put the blame everywhere except on the people who deserve it. It’s not the Lannisters’ fault for being manipulative and cruel but the Starks’ fault for falling for it.

The Lannisters are designed to fit perfectly into Sansa’s blindspots (or Sansa’s blindspots fit perfectly to the Lannisters, whichever came first in the planning). Sansa truly believes in the structures and values of their society; gender roles, chivalry, the nobility takes care of the lower classes, and authority figures aren’t to be questioned. And why wouldn’t she? She’s grown up in a place where the authority figures are good and just. Ned did take care of the common people. Her parent’s marriage grew from a political arrangement into respect and love. Catelyn is the lady Sansa aspires to be. The benevolent queen and chivalrous crown prince work perfectly into her understanding of the world. Most eleven year olds haven’t reached the developmental point where they really start questioning the value system they’re raised with unless the system isn’t working for them.

Which brings us to Jon and Arya, the ones that the system doesn’t work for; Jon because he’s a bastard and Arya because she doesn’t fit into the ‘lady’ role. It makes them more prone to question what they’re taught because they are part of how things are broken.

What’s interesting to me is that even if the royal family was perfectly lovely Jon and Arya would still have hated them at first. Jon was angry because their presence emphasizes the gap between him and his siblings. Arya was frustrated because it increases the pressure on her to follow all the rules. She doesn’t avoid Cersei at first because she sees the evil under her facade; she does it because it’s boring. They’re primed to see the truth before it appears.

This is a huge difference since Joffrey and Cersei are trying to woo Sansa’s favour right up to Ned’s execution. The trident and the trial after are the outliers in otherwise generous and caring behaviour. People really don’t understand how easy it is to fall into that kind of trap; to rationalize away the pieces that don’t fit the rest of someone’s behaviour. That’s part of how most abusers draw in their victims. After Lady’s death Sansa is dealing with trauma and mourning and trying to figure out how to reconcile what happened with her understanding of the world. She does blame Cersei and Joffrey at first, but then as their behaviour continues to be all loving she questions her own judgement and rewrites everything. It’s the start of a trend with Sansa where her initial reaction is right but she doesn’t trust her instincts which leaves her more open to manipulation. She needs to grow past this but that doesn’t make it her fault that people take advantage of it.

[artxyra]

Healing Gotham | Prologue

“Bruce, why are there so many bad things happening in Gotham?” A young Marin Etta has asked her brother. She had only been six at the time. Her brother’s hand tightly gripping her own as they walk down the streets of Gotham.

“There is nothing to see, Marin.” Bruce grunts, trudging his sister in the direction of the ice parlor that he had planned to take her too as a summer celebration. Marin Etta—or Marinette as people call her that in Paris, France—didn’t like the eighteen-year-old’s answer. She plants her feet onto the ground, halting their travel.

“Bruce,” Marin Etta pouts. Her cheeks puffing red as she fights back the tears. Wiping away the dry tear, she looks back at the street. People huddle together, some well dressed than others. She sees children around her age fighting for a piece of bread, toys, or anything really.

Bruce sighs knowing he was not going to win this battle, “Marin, Gotham isn’t exactly a nice place to live in.”

“But where you live is nice.” That it was. Wayne Manor was in the isolated compared to most places in Gotham. Where he, and somethings his sister, live is a lot better than the inner city of Gotham. Bruce loves that about his sister, she may have been a Gotham native, but she knows of the hardships and suffering those go through. She’s too pure for Gotham to taint.

“That’s because mom and dad wanted a big house.” Bruce, eyeing the other buildings know that he needs to move this conversation away, “How about that ice cream cone I promised you?” He could see the light brightening in Marin Etta’s eyes. It was small moments like those that he is grateful for having a sister despite their massive age difference. To the Wayne household, she was a miracle child. Bruce remembers the shocking face his father had made the night she told them. He had only been weeks away from turning eleven.

“Yay, ice cream! I want strawberry, Brucie!” Marinette shrieks with happiness. A small smile form on Bruce’s lips as he and his sister continue down the path.

Marin Etta was enjoying her ice cream cone when a single child then a group of children rushes by her. She was nearly pushed aside if it wasn’t for Bruce keeping a firm grip on her shoulder. Though her shirt was dirtied by drips of melting ice cream.

Wanting to see what was going on, she pushes the remains of her cone into Bruce’s hand and joins the chase. Bruce instinctively calls out for Marin Etta, but his words go on deaf ears. He should know better than to let his sister runoff; she wasn’t familiar with Gotham the way he is? Or the mere fact that her existence is the Wayne’s well-kept secret from those who want to harm their family.

Marin Etta follows the group of kids until she stumbles upon the aftermath. The group had dispersed leaving the child around her age shaking. He had bruises running down his body, a black eye that wouldn’t go away for days, maybe even weeks. Once it was clear, Marin Etta makes herself known to the poor boy.

There was no doubt in her mind that the boy was broken and scared. She takes small steps, digging into her small pockets to full out a handkerchief that Alfred had made her once. The closer to got to the boy the more it made her heart break.

“Hi,” Her voice was soft, catching the boy off guard. He curls into himself avoiding the looks. “Can I help you?” She continues to move closer. Despite the boy’s self-reserves, Marin Etta knew that he needs help but doesn’t want to say anything. It was an unspoken rule when living on the streets. Show no weakness or you’re dead. Marin Etta has no reason to hurt the boy, even more, she just wants to help. “I promise to not hurt you.” She says as she is arm’s length, which isn’t a lot, away from the boy.

Patting her handkerchief against his wound, she hopes that it would stop the bleeding. As little as she understands the wound, the kind gesture amazes the boy. He takes a good look at her.

“You’re not from around here.” He murmurs as Marin Etta’s facials turn to disappoint as she lifts the handkerchief to see the results. It wasn’t what she was expecting. Turning to the boy, Marin Etta smiles softly.

“I am from around here, I just visit.” Marinette counters folding up the handkerchief and pressing it back on the wound.

“Marin Etta!” It was Bruce’s voice, that much she can tell. Pouting, Marin Etta turns to her brother.

“He’s hurt.” She states as Bruce comes closer to the two.

“And you could have been too.” He counters entering a glaring match with a six-year-old. Marin Etta huffs and returns to her attempt to heal the boy. “I’ll call an ambulance. They can help him.”

Marin Etta continues to press harder. Bruce could tell this was going nowhere. “Marin he’ll be okay…we need to go.” He tugs onto his sister’s forearm and pulls her away from the boy. Marin Etta cries out swatting at her brother, leaving the handkerchief on the boy’s wound. The boy only looks up to Marin Etta with hope in his eyes. Marin Etta caught that and smiles in return. It wasn’t long before the loud sounds of the ambulance siren coming closer.

By the time the ambulance reaches the boy, the wounds were deeply infected, and he didn’t make it.

Alfred pours a hot tea into a teacup in front of the young Wayne. Marin Etta never looks up from the table, she wouldn’t dare look at her brother who stood off to the side.

“That was dangerous, Marin, he could have been a—” Bruce scolds but he is met with silence. He hates that his little sister wasn’t talking to him. This wasn’t like her, at all. “Marin…”

“He was scared.” Marin Etta finally speaks, her voice cracking as Alfred sets the pot down and turn motions for Bruce to come closer.

“And why was he scared, Miss Marin Etta?” Alfred had asked. He knew the little girl would have been special the moment Martha and Thomas had brought her home. But to see her down, something hiding in the back of her mind, put him at odds.

“Of the darkness…” Marin Etta murmurs, finally looking up. The two older men could see the hollowness in the six-year-old’s eyes. It put a shiver down their spines. “There’s no hope in Gotham. They all don’t believe in it. There’s so much darkness.” By this sentence, Marin Etta had wrapped her small arms around her legs.

Alfred couldn’t find it in him to scold the poor girl about her feet on the chair. Bruce didn’t know what to say. Of course, there was no hope in Gotham. With all the crime that goes on, who would even dare to have hope. Heck, even he had lost hope on a few occasions. Their parents’ death. The CPS worker determining that Marin Etta would be better off in a different home, no caring about his own needs. What gave him hope was that Alfred had convinced an old lover to allow her son to take care of Marin Etta, still giving him access to the only immediate family member he had left.

“We need to bring the hope back to Gotham. That’s the only way this city can heal.” Tears threaten to scream down her cheek. Bruce couldn’t agree more, but what can he do? He’s no police officer, no hero.

“And it will be.” Bruce doesn’t know what came over him to say that, but the way his little sister was crying in his chest told a different story. Marin Etta deserves the world; she deserves a happier native home to come back to.  Alfred couldn’t help but be touched by the brother-sister moment, though he does wonder how Bruce will honor his sister’s wishes and just how far his charge would go.

Part 1 >>

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[jackoshadows]

I would like to address some posts I saw that talk about misogynistic double standards when it comes to Jon and Sansa regarding bullying - that Sansa gets criticized and taken to task for bullying Arya but Jon gets a pass for bullying fellow recruits at the Night’s Watch.

First of all, who is giving Jon a pass for bullying Grenn and the others? Are there like 5 page essays out there writing about POV traps and how Grenn was unfairly jealous of Jon and hence deserving of being bullied, how it’s just new recruits being new recruits and Jon did nothing wrong etc.?

Jon’s my favorite character, and I will outright state it - Jon bullied the other recruits at the NW because he was a privileged brat. He was wrong to do it. The text pretty much calls him a bully and unlike some stans, no one is twisting those words to argue otherwise.

And I have never seen anyone defend Jon’s actions there. In fact I have seen these same Sansa stans use Jon’s actions at the Wall to justify Catelyn’s emotional abuse of a child. That even though Jon is a bastard, he was better off than other NW recruits and hence should shut up and stop whining about Catelyn. That his treatment by Catelyn was okay because he had it better than most others in Westeros.

Jon’s actions at the wall are just not mentioned often because it’s accepted that he did wrong. The reason why Sansa’s bullying is often brought up is because Sansa stans write essays about how Sansa never bullied or mocked Arya, how it was just sibling being siblings, how it was because Arya was jealous and hated Sansa, how Arya’s wrong and biased POV is meant to trick readers into hating Sansa when Sansa never actually did anything wrong etc. So it’s book readers responding to this whitewashing of Sansa - because one can read the very real effects this bullying had on Arya’s self esteem and self worth.

In fact the only time Jon’s actions are brought up are when Sansa stans bring it up as whataboutism, to point fingers and accuse others of misogyny - even though no one is actually defending Jon Snow.

And you know what? Yeah, Jon was a bully. But he acknowledges that he did wrong, learned and grew from his mistakes. And I love that about Jon.

“No. They hate you because you act like you’re better than they are. They look at you and see a castle-bred bastard who thinks he’s a lordling.” The armorer leaned close. “You’re no lordling. Remember that. You’re a Snow, not a Stark. You’re a bastard and a bully.”

Donal Noye leaned forward, into Jon’s face. “Now think on this, boy. None of these others have ever had a master-at-arms until Ser Alliser. Their fathers were farmers and wagonmen and poachers, smiths and miners and oars on a trading galley. What they know of fighting they learned between decks, in the alleys of Oldtown and Lannisport, in wayside brothels and taverns on the kingsroad. They may have clacked a few sticks together before they came here, but I promise you, not one in twenty was ever rich enough to own a real sword.” His look was grim. “So how do you like the taste of your victories now, Lord Snow?”

“Don’t call me that!” Jon said sharply, but the force had gone out of his anger. Suddenly he felt ashamed and guilty. “I never... I didn’t think...” - Jon, AGoT

Jon noticed Grenn a few feet away. A thick woolen bandage was wrapped around one hand. He looked anxious and uncomfortable, not menacing at al . Jon went to him. Grenn edged backward and put up his hands. “Stay away from me now, you bastard.” Jon smiled at him. “I’m sorry about your wrist. Robb used the same move on me once, only with a wooden blade. It hurt like seven hells, but yours must be worse. Look, if you want, I can show you how to defend that.” - Jon, AGoT

Dareon gave him a look. “The stewards are fine for the likes of you and me, Sam, but not for Lord Snow.”

I never asked for this,” he said stubbornly.

“None of us are here for asking,” Sam reminded him.

And suddenly Jon Snow was ashamed.

Craven or not, Samwell Tarly had found the courage to accept his fate like a man. On the Wall, a man gets only what he earns, Benjen Stark had said the last night Jon had seen him alive. You’re no ranger, Jon, only a green boy with the smell of summer still on you. He’d heard it said that bastards grow up faster than other children; on the Wall, you grew up or you died. Jon let out a deep sigh. “You have the right of it. I was acting the boy... - Jon, AGoT

Jon Snow being hurt by words calling his mother a whore and later making Satin Flowers,a  prostitute, his steward despite opposition.

“Words won’t make your mother a whore. She was what she was, and nothing Toad says can change that. You know, we have men on the Wall whose mothers were whores.” Not my mother, Jon thought stubbornly. He knew nothing of his mother; Eddard Stark would not talk of her. Yet he dreamed of her at times, so often that he could almost see her face. In his dreams, she was beautiful, and highborn, and her eyes were kind. - Jon, AGoT

Jon is constantly getting his worldviews and his privilege challenged at the wall. He is confronted by some ugly truths about himself and he then takes that advice and changes for the better. It’s the same when he goes among the Wildlings and recognizes that they too are human beings deserving of being on the other side of the wall. We get this gem from him:

“We look up at the same stars and see such different things.”- Jon, ASoS

That’s the difference between how Jon and Sansa are treated in book one. When Jon acts bratty and selfish, other characters call him out on his actions, he acknowledges this, apologizes and makes up for it.

With Sansa, on the other hand, we don’t really see anyone taking her to task over her behavior. Quite the opposite. Catelyn and the Septa only encourage it. Ned ‘both sides’ the issue, often talking to Arya about how she should get along with Sansa and behave like sisters. We never see him giving those same talks to Sansa.

Which is weird because most parents would talk to their elder kids to bring about peace in sibling disputes. But in this case, Ned keeps reasoning with his younger daughter instead of his elder one. Probably because everyone thinks that Sansa is the good girl and Arya is the problematic, unruly one.

And because she is never reprimanded over her behavior, Sansa continues to be a spoiled and selfish brat right till Ned is executed at the end of the first book.

Sansa does become more empathetic in the later books after she becomes sadistic Joffrey’s political prisoner and she tries to help where she can. But while GRRM said this about her:

Sansa was the least sympathetic of the Starks in the first book; she has become more sympathetic, partly because she comes to accept responsibility for her part in her father's death.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/feature.html?tag=westeros-21&ie=UTF8&docId=49161

I don’t think I have actually read Sansa showing true remorse or regret for tattling Ned’s plans to Cersei. Or even feeling bad about how she treated Arya. As late as ASoS she thinks of her dead sister as being unsatisfactory compared to beautiful, graceful Margaery Tyrell. In the Vale, she pretends to be a bastard and yet never once recalls the bastard brother she looked down on.

There is a lot of self pity in Sansa’s POV chapters and she reprimands herself for being naive and stupid. But she never acknowledges the way she treated Arya, the Trident incident and Mycah, betraying her family etc. She does reflect at one point on how she wrongly trusted the Lannisters and she would never do that again.

Other than that there is very little introspection in Sansa’s POV chapters. Jon feels guilt, Arya feels guilt, Dany feels guilt, even Catelyn feels a twinge of regret and guilt about her treatment of Jon after meeting Mya Stone. But this is something I find lacking in Sansa’s POV chapters.

But when readers point this out, we are labelled misogynistic haters who just hate Sansa and want her to suffer, and how Sansa has nothing to apologize for, she did nothing wrong, she’s flawless and blameless of everything.

I am hoping we get acknowledgement, regret and apologies from Sansa when the older, wiser sisters meet again and resolve their issues. There is nothing wrong in apologizing for bad behavior. Everyone does it. It does not make one a super villain. It would go a long way towards humanizing Sansa and making her more likeable, in my opinion.

So anyways this turned into an essay, but yes, Jon Snow was a bully in AGoT when he went to the wall and beat up some new recruits. There is no defense of that behavior and I am glad that Donal Noye gave him a good talking to and set him straight about his privilege.

[bigdaddib]

Gendry Who? pt2

So, lol, this is from like so so long ago and I didn’t update it cause it started getting so much longer than I ever intended it to. I did make a part 2 though, from Gendry’s pov. If anyone’s still interested, here ya go

“Arya’s recital is next week, you coming?”

 Gendry had long since conditioned himself to not respond too dramatically when her name was mentioned. Instead, he withdrawals so deep within himself even he couldn’t tell you where to find him. “Wouldn’t you be bringing Ygritte?” Gendry asked, not pausing as he shoveled down cereal and scrolled through his phone.

 “Yeah, but she invited you too, she just has to know so she can reserve us a seat.”

 This, however, Gendry did not prepare himself for. His spoon, just as it was about to enter his mouth, became so still not even a drop of milk spilled over the sides. His thumb hovered over his phone screen, eyes unblinking but not seeing anything around him.

 Sure, she had said she had forgiven him. And, sure, he had believed her because she was Arya. If she didn’t forgive you, if she harbored any negative emotions toward you, you knew about it. But he didn’t think her forgiveness would change anything, as much as he had hoped it might. He had played multiple scenarios in his head on how it might, he had no choice in the matter. Letting his mind wander meant fantasizing about seeing Arya again, eyes soft and caring as she opened her arms so they could simply pick up where they left off two years ago. Thinking of what it would be like to kiss her again, even if it were just for a second…

 Even if it were just on the cheek.

 Those cheek kisses were what he had lived on. He’d be anxious for the end of the night because he knew he had a kiss on the cheek waiting for him. He’d need that kiss, since it was all he had to carry him through until the next time he saw her, then the cycle would continue. It was so easy to get caught up in that routine again, just one kiss on the cheek from her and he was left pressing his fingers to that spot dreamily an entire month after. He was fully prepared to rely on that last kiss for the rest of his fucking life. Forgiving him didn’t mean taking him back, and he had no right to ask for her back, he barely had the right to ask for forgiveness. It was a blessing that he managed that, especially with the way he had went about it. Jerking her around, stuttering his stupid arse off, it was a wonder she understood him at all, he sure as hell didn’t understand himself. He never understood himself when he was dealing with her, never knew what the right thing to do was.

 Seeing her through the rain on the side of the road, angrily kicking her flat tire, the right thing to do was to help her out. When it turned out she was Arya Stark, famous rebellious daughter to Ned and Catelyn Stark, openly defying their wishes by pursuing ballet, the right thing to do was help her out and not expect anything in return. People must do things for her all the time, expecting some sort of favor in exchange. He wanted to show the small girl with wide grey eyes and soaked through dark clothes that he didn’t want anything from her, didn’t expect anything.

 Then she had kissed him on the cheek.

 “She…invited me?” was all he was able to say.

 Jon raised a brow. “Did something happen between you two?”

 Gendry’s overwhelming first instinct was to say “no!” Of course not! Why would he even think that?! Arya and him…they were nothing, he had helped her out with her car and her wifi and one time with her mysteriously broken bed frame and that was all they had to do with each other…

 But that sort of thinking was what had gotten him into this situation, wasn’t it?

 If he had simply answered these types of questions honestly, where would he be now? With Arya? Waiting outside her dorm room to take her to a quick lunch between classes? Walking hand in hand with her down the street, feeling her tucked into his side?

 Embarrassing her?

 He winced. He had to stop that. She wasn’t embarrassed by things like he was, she didn’t care, so why should he? If she was willing to let Gendry drag her down to his level, then he should be too. Whatever people said, whatever their questions and whatever their jokes, they shouldn’t bother him because he had her. He had her tucked in next to him, hand in hand, getting a sandwich before she had to head back to practice…

 Except he wasn’t, because he couldn’t. He couldn’t let himself have her without thinking she would one day wake up and realize she had been wasting herself away on him. Realize all the shit and jokes she would have to take for him weren’t worth it and she would leave. So he had to leave first, he had to make sure no one would know what sort of loser Arya was running around with so that maybe Arya wouldn’t figure it out either.

 That wasn’t quite how things worked out though.

 “What do you mean?” Gendry said, finally putting the spoon into his mouth.

 “I mean…you guys never talk anymore, and you got kind of weird just a second ago.”

 Gendry cleared his throat, set his phone down. “No…I just…you know she knows ballet’s not my sort of thing. But, uh, yeah, I’ll go. If she wants me to.” Honestly, he’d go anywhere if she wanted him to.

 Jon nodded, grabbed his jacket and keys. He’d come over this morning to give Gendry his flat keys, but Gendry had said he didn’t need them. He trusted Jon enough to live with him for two years, he trusted him enough to keep a spare set of keys.

 “Then I’ll meet you there, yeah?” Jon turned to look at Gendry as he opened the door to leave.

 Gendry only nodded and didn’t move after Jon left.

 Did this mean she wanted to be friends? Or was she only being polite?

 No. If Arya didn’t want him there she wouldn’t invite him. That’s the way she was, she was blunt and straight forward. Which is why what he did to her was so difficult all around. The lying and sneaking around may have been fun for her the first month or two, but when they started getting into the “I love you’s” and holding each other all night, it probably got a bit redundant. He could feel it, he could feel her frustration with him, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. Numerous times he found himself at her door with full intentions to simply give up and be with her, to not think about it so much. But then she’d open the door and he’d be struck by her smile and by her eyes and know deep, deep down, with everything in him, that he didn’t deserve her. He never would. No one did, but especially not him.

He’d never seen her dance before. Of course, he knew she did it professionally. The entire bloody world knew that. He assumed she was good at it. With her passion for it and the way she blatantly disregarded her parent’s wishes for her in order to do it, her skill was the last thing to questioned. He never felt he needed to watch her in action, he already knew everything he needed to know. Ballet, though he never took the time to watch anyone do it, was boring anyway. It must be, or else more people would say otherwise.

 Obviously, he was wrong.

 Although, he was biased. If it had been anyone else besides Arya dancing on that stage, he probably wouldn’t have been nearly as interested. But she was, and he couldn’t even find the time to blink. He had to watch the almost liquid way her body moved across the stage. Bent and twirled, leaped and stretched. Gendry knew Arya’s body well, probably better than he knew his own, and he liked to think he knew its limitations, but he never truly grasped its potential. What had he been doing, throwing her legs over his shoulders? Watching her back arch against a wall? What did any of that prove? He should’ve been driving her to practice, watch her dance every damn day. Not doing so was a fucking waste of time.

 He was confused when it was intermission, even more so when he saw Jon snoring peacefully next to him. Angrily, Gendry shoved at his shoulder. “What’s wrong with you?” he barked.

 Jon blinked dazedly. “Sorry, you won’t tell her, will you?”

 Gendry rolled his eyes, feeling genuinely angry. How in all seven hells had Jon managed to fall asleep? Was he even watching? If Arya asked and Jon said she was wonderful, he would set the record straight. Besides, Arya was the one person he couldn’t lie to, not really. He could lie to Jon, he could even lie to himself, but not to her. Not to those big grey eyes.

 Gendry found he was too angry to hold up conversation with Jon, so he excused himself to go to the bathroom.

 The second half of the ballet seemed to be going just as good, if not better, than the first half. Gendry found himself leaning as far forward as he was able, watching as Arya’s body flowed just as easily and languidly as the silken dress they had put her in, knowing her very skin felt just as smooth.

 When she fell onto her right ankle it took everything in him not to climb onto that stage and carry her off.

 It took her two attempts to get back up, everyone around her kept up with the routine but it was all a bit awkward considering she was the lead dancer.

 Gendry’s knuckles turned white as he saw her wince for the first time since knowing her. It stirred something different in him, something protective and fierce. He’d felt something similar to it once before, seeing her cry for the first time.

 He hadn’t registered it at first, the single tear glistening down her cheek. He thought it was a trick of the light, a reflection off the window, anything but a genuine tear. Anything but a tear coming from Arya Stark’s eye. That simply wasn’t possible, Arya Stark didn’t cry, she couldn’t, wouldn’t let herself. But she was, and it was because of him. Fuck, if everything in him didn’t crumble into dust.

 Arya wasn’t crying now. She was getting back up, dancing on that ankle he was sure he heard crack. And she kept dancing, right up to the very end. Gendry hadn’t taken a solid breath the rest of the performance, holding it for something horrible to happen, and when it was finally over he stood up in an immediate search for her.

 Eventually, he found her in the dressing room, foot elevated and head in her hands. It was swollen an angry read, an ice pack rested on top of it. There was a man whispering in her ear, hand rubbing up and down her back. Gendry paused at the sight, Jon halting just behind his shoulder.

 “Arya?” Jon called out.

 Dejectedly, Arya lifted her head. Only her tired grey eyes visible. Gendry’s feet started walking toward her.

 “You’re Arya’s family?” The man straightened up, back straight and shoulders broad. If Gendry was making assumptions, he’d say he was one of Arya’s dance teachers.

 “We are,” Jon answered and Gendry’s chest tightened. He added nothing to contradict him.

 “She should be fine. We had the doctor come in and—”

 “I can speak for myself Jaqen,” Arya snapped. Jaqen’s only response was a sigh, brought his hand back to her bare shoulder.

 “I’ll check up on you later,” he whispered and Arya’s only response was to rest her head back into her hands. Jaqen smiled tensely toward Jon and Gendry before leaving.

 “Are you alright?” Jon was the first to ask, walking around Gendry and kneeling in front of her.

 “No. I fucking blew it,” she bit out. “No company will hire me now, its fucking over.”

 No one knew what to say, it was quiet for a moment. Then Jon tried, “You were beautiful up until then, Arya, I’m sure they’ll see that.”

 Gendry let him say it, she didn’t need to hear that Jon had actually been napping the whole time.

 “It’s fucking whatever,” her voice was violent, yet very tired. “I’ll just go to real college or something. The world is at my fingertips and all that. This is a sign I shouldn’t throw it all away,” she made it obvious she wasn’t serious about any of the words she was saying.  

 Gendry wanted nothing more than to go over and hold her as tightly. Maybe even let her cry on his shoulder, if she felt comfortable enough. He could feel it, her warmth pressed into him, her head nestled into his neck. Maybe it wouldn’t make her feel better, but he would.

 “Can you…can you just bring the car around or something?” Arya spoke up. “I just want to get out of here.”

 “Right. Right, Gendry, stay with her. I’ll text you when I’m out front,”

 Jon left and Gendry promised he wouldn’t be the first to speak. He wouldn’t push her.

 “Can you leave?” she whispered.

 His heart shattered. “…Wh—why?”

 “Because…because…” her voice cracked. She paused to release a heavy, shaky breath. “I can’t hold myself together around you.”

 Something close to hope warmed him, and he let that propel him to kneel beside her as Jon did. It was a reflex to smooth a hand over her temple. “What are you holding yourself together for?” he whispered.

 Arya shrugged in response.

 “I won’t tell anyone that you’re upset if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 Arya shook her head. “It’s not everyone else…I don’t wanna know.”

 Gendry took a second to collect her meaning. “You don’t want to know you’re upset?” he clarified.

 Slowly, Arya nodded.

 “Alright, I won’t tell you either,” he agreed easily.

 Arya’s shoulders shook in a dry laugh, revealing a dark, glistening grey eye. On the verge of tears. He rubbed a thumb over her brow bone. “Your secret’s safe with me,” he whispered. In movement a similar to the leaps she made on stage, she was in his arms. Head buried into his neck and fingers clawing at his back, she clutched him to her desperately.

 Her entire body shook with her sobs and he felt his shirt absorb her hot tears, he was proud to hold her through it. It’s what he should’ve done that first time. He should’ve held her, all night if that’s how long it lasted. How long had she cried? He wondered that often. Was it all night? Did it carry into the morning? Was it no more than a second?

 He himself found himself crying through an entire month. Alone in his room, often in the middle of his dreams. He’d wake up sniffling, laying on a wet pillow. That was different, though. He deserved it, she didn’t.

 He had cried into that voicemail.

 He wanted to ask about it, during the party. He wanted to know if she had gotten it, half hoping she hadn’t. He had immediately regretted it, once it was sent. A month later and he was still staring anxiously at his phone for a response, any response. A fuck off, an lol, anything at all, anything but that horrible silence. Because Arya Stark was never silent on things she cared about, and didn’t she care about him?

 He hadn’t brought it up, obviously, because what would she say? What could she say to make him feel better? That she hadn’t gotten it? Maybe, but in retrospect her knowing his pain was a different sort of comfort. He wanted her to know he had truly cared for her, wanted to be with her, he wasn’t simply jerking her around. Whether or not that changed anything between them didn’t matter, as long as she knew that.

 And if she had listened to it? What then? What more was there to say? She had heard him break and decided to leave him there and that was that. No response told him all he needed to know, no use in opening old wounds.

 Except now, holding her, all of his wounds were open and pulsing and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Gendry’s phone buzzed which was probably Jon telling them he was out front. They didn’t move.

 “I don’t suppose you’d let me carry you?” He tried, dreading watching her limp all the way to Jon’s car.

 “Actually,” her voice was breathless and ragged, voice raw from sobbing. “I really don’t think I can walk on it. I already overworked it.”

 Gendry was oddly excited. “I could…is there a back door or something? We could sneak out front.”

 Arya pulled back enough to gift him a small smile. Nodding, she said, “I’ll tell you where to go.”

[sydneysageivashkov]

theonsa star wars au, where sansa is a jedi on the run and theon is the smuggler who gets her off coruscant after order 66

sansa is the only jedi in her family - not that she knows anything about her family. she was taken when she was a toddler, and given the last name stone by the order. (all the stark kids are a little force-sensitive, though sansa and bran are the only ones strong enough to be taken by the jedi. after losing sansa, ned and cat go to all kinds of lengths to keep bran once they realise he’s also strong enough in the force. they won’t lose another child.)

sansa does everything she can to be a Good JediTM, keeping her distance from others. sometimes she slips up, but most of all she wants to be a good jedi. she’s okay with a lightsaber but ultimately she’s best as a peacekeeper and diplomat.

when order 66 is triggered, she’s rescued by senator margaery tyrell. what neither of them realise is that there’s a reason sansa was able to escape: chancellor baelish, now emperor, wants her as an apprentice.

margaery has known sansa for a while and has specifically requested sansa whenever she needed jedi protection for a few years now. she worked out sansa’s birth family not long after meeting her: the starks are rulers of [insert planet name here], and as a galactic senator, it’s margaery’s job to know the rulers of all the various planets she deals with. when she rescues sansa, she tells sansa to head to the starks: if there’s any planet that will shelter her from the newly-formed empire, it’s the one ruled by her birth parents.

sansa is more committed than ever to being a Good JediTM, because all the others have just been killed and she wants to honour their legacy. but ultimately, she doesn’t have a lot of options: if she wants a chance to live, then she needs to go to the starks.

together, margaery and sansa find theon, who’s willing to get her off coruscant - for a price, of course. he does genuinely want to help - he wouldn’t be risking smuggling a jedi off-planet if he didn’t, because no amount of money is worth the hell that could be rained down on him if he’s caught - but still. 

margaery gives him some money upfront but promises him there’ll be more at the other end. “she’s a princess, after all.”

theon and sansa don’t get off to the best start. sansa would have shut his smuggling ring down if things had been normal. a jedi sticking her nose into his business would have been the last thing theon would have needed. but things aren’t normal anymore. they never will be again. she and theon learn to adjust to the new normal of running and fighting, and slowly they come to be on better terms.

it’s a narrow escape from coruscant, in the end. the only reason they’re ultimately able to escape is because littlefinger gave the order for sansa to be captured alive.

seeing her own features reflected in the faces of her mother and brothers is one of the strangest things sansa has ever experienced. 

arya really wants to learn how to use sansa’s lightsaber.

winterfell and the starks slowly become the centrepoint of the rebel alliance. the remaining jedi slowly begin to flock there. sansa’s torn between her family and what remains of the jedi order. she ends up running more and more missions just so she can escape that choice, and usually her pilot is theon.

she falls in love with theon almost without noticing it. she’s so busy with the rebellion and with her family and the order, and time with theon is a well-deserved break, even if they’re flying into a firefight.

theon, for his part, is basically going through han solo’s arc. he starts out cynical that the rebellion is ever going to get anywhere - or that it’ll set up a government any better than the one they started with. but watching sansa fight even when she’s lost everything else, watching the starks give up anything and everything to protect the daughter they lost, watching as daenerys stormborn forces the rebellion to take up arms against slavery on the outer rim same it does against the empire, watching all these good people struggle to build something good - well. it’s a little harder to be cynical.

sansa starts to pick things up from bran, and vice versa. bran’s never had the dedicated training she’s had, but he’s spent some time with a bunch of other force-sensitive groups over the years - groups that generally have much healthier approachs to love and attachment than the jedi order ever did. she even starts to teach basic stuff to her other siblings, especially arya and rickon.

this pays off when the death star emerges from the sky above winterfell, and it’s arya who makes the final shot.

ultimately, when the rebels win out over the empire, she and bran form a new jedi order: one that encourages healthy attachments, including family ties and romantic love. not every jedi follows them, but enough do to build a stronger, better jedi order.

[black-streak]

Waiting for the Worms - Vera

Part 12

Aka, I have no control over myself and SOMEONE on discord maybe urged me on a little. One of these days, one of you are going to ask about the titles for these and I'm going to refuse to answer. Woah, someone remembered that Jason's body was dipped in a crazy pool and he hasn't experienced that before! How fun.

CLOSED beggars: @northernbluetongue @thethirdwheelfriend @shizukiryuu @theatreandcomicfreak @michellemagic @karategirl119 @moonlightstar64 @my-name-is-michell @mystery-5-5 @zalladane @queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm @miraculousdisapointment @dorkus-minimus @jardimazul @allthebooksandcrannies @g-arya @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @persephonescat @mycupisbroken @luciferge @18-fandoms-unite-08 @dawnwave16 @alwaysreblogneverpost @kris-pines04 @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @weird-pale-blonde-person @you-will-never-know-how-i-think @kokotaru @naclychilli @slytherinhquinn @clumsy-owl-4178 @ladybug-182 @darkthunder1589 @evil-elf16 @dast218 @lysslovsanime @emilytopaz @naoryllis @iloontjeboontje @thepeacetea @danielslilangel @finallyaniguana @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @vixen-uchiha @yuulxd @bleeding-heart-romantic @magic-inthe-stars @st0rmy-w1th1n

~---~

Jason knew those eyes, had been haunted by those eyes for months now. Felt the absolute need to protect them from the horrors of the world without a second thought. And now they were in front of him, real and alive and coming from the face of a young, tan skinned boy with pitch black, course looking hair that fell in a rumpled mess across his face, quietly calling out Marinette's name. The name he spent the better part of three years responding to as though it were his own.  But that didn't make any sense, he'd never met this boy before. How did he know her? Was this a repressed memory of hers that her body somehow stored all this time and was trying to inform him of over time? Was this the work of the fear toxin taking hold and showing Marinette's worst fear? That also made no sense. He'd known her since she was six and she'd never mentioned this boy. It also couldn't explain the simplicity of the sight before her. Nothing fear inducing was actually happening. Except he felt on the edge of a panic attack anyways.

Could it be that his worst fear was this boy because of his reoccurring presence in his nightmares and the idea of this being a real child who's gone through so damn much it reminded him of himself, it scared him half to death? Or the fear that perhaps he had truly gone insane and the dreams were an indication of the war he raged inside himself?

Lifting his hands up to his face to block the images, he took note of the size, the coloration, the scaring. This wasn't how Marinette's hands looked. Those weren't Marinette's arms. Looking down, he knew that he shouldn't sit this tall or be this broad or have that long of legs. Nothing made sense anymore and as the hysteria set in, green edged his vision.

"Marinette? Mari? What's happening?" The voice drew closer, sounding concerned and hinting at the slightest touch of nerves.

"Venomous green. Electric, neon. Like Plagg."

That wasn't his voice, was it? He spoke, but that voice was too deep, too husky and masculine to be right. Nothing was right. This felt wrong and yet exactly as it was meant to all at once and he didn't understand. The bright green closed in on him and he felt himself tremble.

"It's the pits, Marinette. You've dealt with them, remember? You know how to fight it, how to calm yourself," the voice stayed where it was at, but he was sure if he looked up, those haunting jade eyes would be right there, staring into his soul.

How could he calm himself? The nightmares never talked to him like this, never told him to calm himself, to take control. He'd never dealt with the green overtaking his vision, not since the very first dream well over a year ago. He never fought it, what was this kid on about? Why was his mind screaming at him? He wanted to lash out, to hit and fight and attack, but his instincts yelled to protect the child and nothing else was here. Grabbing up another knife, he slammed it down, surprised to see it hit into a cushion that landed under his hand right as he moved. 

"Deep breaths, counts of seven with me," the voice was closer, counting for him and he followed without thought. His thoughts narrowed into the numbers, the screaming dulling down to a soft roar in the background, the green settling down until it disappeared entirely and still the counting continued on until his breathing became his own.

"Back with me?"

"What the fuck is going on?" He hissed out, fear and nausea piling up.

The kid's eyes widened and then narrowed as he backed up, grip tightening on the blade still in his hand. He opened his mouth and hesitated for half a second before he asked, voice demanding and sharp, leaving no room for argument, "Jason?"

Jason reeled back, having not heard that name since the accident, "How do you know that name?"

"She's been going by it for as long as I've known her."

"Who?!"

"Marinette."

His breath caught in his throat, shoulders dropping from their defensive hunch, unable to speak for a moment. He stayed still, processing as the boy across from him moved around the other side of the kitchen counter, swiftly grabbing the knife block and dropping it off on the counter furthest away from Jason.

"How?"

"She told me she woke up in a grave. Had been in there for quite some time. Dug out and landed in a coma for a year. My- Talia found her after she woke up. Took her back to the league and dropped her in the pits. That was about-"

"A year and a half ago."

"Yes… how do you know this?"

"Saw the acid green at night, didn't know what it was."

"She mentioned the connection cutting when she died. I guess the pits could have healed that as well."

"And she met you about nine months ago, then. Or at least something significant happened. I recognize your eyes." 

"I might have approached her around that time, I suppose."

"How old are you?"

"Seven."

"Fuck kid, tell me half of what I saw wasn't real?"

"Depends on what you saw, but I would assume so."

"Fucking hell. And so what, she just up and ran? Took you with her? Mari's alive? Been alive all this time and I didn't know?"

"Something like that," the kid slid closer, carefully prying the knife from his hand. Realizing he still held it, had thrown one at the boy only minutes before, he abruptly let go, letting it clattered onto the counter below where the kid swiped it off and put it with the others out of immediate reach. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as he came to terms with Marinette's state of living. Dug herself out of his grave? A coma? Talia. He couldn't wrap his brain around it. If the dreams were all visions, his sweet little soulmate had killed. Had fought for her life so often it felt like routine. Had suffered and lost so much, had seen this child going through the same things and put her foot down. Had ran for her life, kid in tow, no guarantee of survival, while he lived with her parents. No villains to defeat, no league to push him or force his hand. He hadn't even been grateful. Just depressed and angry while she went through a hell ten times as brutal. From the look the kid gave him, she didn't even talk terribly of him like he deserved. Otherwise he was sure the kid would have that knife worked up to his throat by now, demanding her back. Granted he didn't look happy, but his stance wasn't openly hostile yet.

Shit, he didn't deserve her and yet joy spread through him like a whip. She was alive. She was okay and had a little family of her own and had moved on through it all and he felt so damn proud and joyful to know she was alive all this time. Despite the horrible circumstances and atrocities she obviously faced in her time as him, she had been alive and not taken to an early grave. She turned seventeen last week no matter what body she did so in. The Joker hadn't taken her from him despite his best efforts. She was too strong, too persistent and capable. Marinette was alive and the pure happiness that shocked him to his core left him shaking and breathless.

"Calm down, you'll work yourself up again. She never told me you were an emotional mess."

"Shut it, kid. You would freak out if you found out someone you thought dead for three years was alive too."

"Tt. You won't survive a week with the madness."

"The madness? What's that supposed to mean?" Jason felt his hackles rising and had to remind himself of the emotional lockdown from his time fighting Hawkmoth to stamp it down. The kid obviously meant a lot to Mari and he wasn't about to make an enemy of himself.

"The acidic green and screaming in your head I had to talk you down from? That was an aftereffect of being dipped in the Lazarus pit. Marinette has no problem controlling it now. Should have known it wasn't her the second you couldn't force it into submission yourself," the kid gave a haughty sneer, turning his nose up.

"And the first time it struck her? Did she have such control then?"

The boy seemed to wilt at that, looking down in shame, "No."

"What happened?"

"I made a mistake. Someone almost got to me and she lost it. Killed everyone in the vicinity."

"And that was towards the beginning?"

"No. She wasn't allowed in the training room with me until she had the madness locked down. It wasn't even our first mission together. It was my fault she lost control. She would've been fine had I not messed up."

Jason immediately felt bad for chastising the kid for his attitude. He obviously felt uncomfortable looking at a familiar face and yet talking to a virtual stranger.

"Hey, relax kid, I'm sure she doesn't see it that way and wouldn't want you to either. She probably just did what she thought necessary to protect you, even if you don't agree with her methods. Trust me, I'm familiar with them," he offered with a self deprecating chuckle.

The boy seemed to soften, looking at him with curious eyes, "You really are her soulmate," he stated, almost coming off as a tease, "It's Damian by the way."

"Huh?"

"You've been calling me kid for the last half hour. My name is Damian."

"Whatever, kid," he smirked as Damian's lips twisted in annoyance, "Wait, did you say half hour?"

"It took a while to calm you down," he shrugged.

Suddenly it hit Jason where he had been. What had been happening that sent him into that panic.

"Fuck!"

The kid startled, looking at him like he lost his rocker, which okay, that was fair.

"What now?"

"The place I was at. It got attacked when we switched. She had to have taken in some fear toxin, who knows what type of effect that has on her!"

"Attacked? She'll be fine, Marinette's the beat fighter I know," Damian seemed to calm at that, almost offended at his inferring her inability to handle the situation.

"Was she exposed to fear toxin in the league?"

"Fear toxin? I'm not sure what that is, but her immune system was adapted to handle several poisons. Every league members' is."

"You mean this body was. This body's immune system was adapted."

That seemed to throw him for a loop, stiffening up, but he persisted, "Her mind has taken on the chaos of the pit, surely fear pulsing through as well couldn't be worse."

"As well! Her soul was in that pit, not just this body. Meaning the madness probably latched on to her soul as well. In an unadjusted body, with the jolt and panic of being launched into her old body in the middle of an attack with fear toxin coursing through it."

The air about Damian seemingly crashed around him and the small shoulders begin to shake as reality settled in, "she's going to lose herself again, isn't she?" He half whimpered, trying to push it down to sound less weak infront of Jason, but he was obviously afraid. Jason flinched, remembering the kid's age once more and that he probably should have just agreed to keep him calm. 

"We'll track her down. You can ground her, you're good at that, right?"

He nodded, "Can't you just switch back, instead? Give Marinette back?"

"It doesn't work that way kid. You can resist the tug when it comes, but you can't force the tug itself."

"Give her back! She's probably a mess right now, I need to help her!"

"I can't, kid. I'm sorry. We'll find her though, I promise. I know where she is. Where are we? The faster I can map out a route, the sooner you'll be with her. Tell me and then get changed, we'll leave now."

As the kid ran to what was presumably his room, rambling out an address, Jason was surprised to realize how close they were. Marinette lived in Gotham. He shouldn't feel so surprised.

He forced himself to the other room, rummaging through a drawer until he found clothes to shove on and walked towards the door, Damian running up behind him. As his hand touched the doorknob, his mind yanked him back and without any warning, he was thrown into Marinette's body once more.

[winniethepooh11062003]

03:30 am

Woke up, and the first thing that I think about is you. There’s a lot of things I’m going to write here, and I think I want you to read them all. One by one.

It’s 3:30 in the morning, Wednesday. I don’t want to come to school today. You made coming to school such a joy. For real. I used to look forward to our conversations and laughs. Wow slut, I really really miss those days.

And I’ve been listening to music you like, and right now, I’m listening to those songs I showed you during Impact. That was the first time we’ve ever had actual contact, and I remember every detail in clear detail.

I cried myself to sleep last night. As a matter of fact, I cried a lot yesterday. Tried studying, working out, eating, everything possible, couldn’t take my mind off you. I know an apology was long overdue. But I’m sorry. I really am.

Slut, there’s a lot I’ve been thinking these few days. And they’ve all got you in it.

Suffocated, lost; these are words that only partially describe how I feel when my best friend doesn’t talk to me and doesn’t even look me in the eye anymore. You know that feeling when you realise something major is missing from your life? I’ve that feeling right now, and a lot of it.

Slut, seriously, think about this, when I tell you that you’re my best friend and the best one I’ve ever had, and I’d hold on to you for dear life, I’m not lying. I don’t think I’d lie about those things. I just feel the same.

Slut, I don’t remember if I called you a bad influence, but it’s stupid. If anyone is a bad influence, it’s me. I taught you cuss words, deep throat nonsense and whatnot, and I’ve been so abusive and difficult. I wish someone would just punch me in the face something, break all my 28 teeth.

Slut, what are you doing now? Sleeping? Okay slut, I can see you in my head now. Eyes welling up. Been up like a maniac since 3. First thing on my mind is you.

Also, slut, when I said I might switch on you in college, that’s bullshit. I said that cause of a fucked up ego, that I’ve consciously worked to change out. I think I’ve got a little more mature now, I’m not lying; I really see change.

Slut, come here with your cycle. I wanna talk to you in the dark. And watch the sun come up. I’m sad we don’t do that anymore. Also, I saw your mouth today. So cute. You look younger. Like the pictures you sent me.

You’ve lost a lot of weight, and your jawline is so good. I’ve done the opposite.

Also, slut, if you recall, I said I wanted to make a million memories with you. I still want to. So badly. Slut I’m convinced that you’re the best. There’s enough evidence and more than that. It hurtssssss. Slut I can’t stand that you won’t see my face.

I don’t know slut, how hard was it? Because I would fail if I took on this mission to ignore you. Slut, I know I’ve hurt you really bad this time, because you’re still mad at me.

I’ve bought you a book, and I want to give it to you sometime. It’s a Jhumpa Lahiri book. I just wanted to introduce you to a new type of person.

I’m shivering now. I’m terrified. What if you never talk to me ever again? What if we can never have the chance to make memories again? When you told me you’d pick me over K, I was devastated. I really didn’t think you liked me that much. But I can say without a doubt, that I’d choose you over anyone else for sure. No hesitation. That’s what you mean to me.

Slutttt, I miss you so much. Remember that drive? Slut, thinking about it makes me so nostalgic. Slut, can we go back in time? Like is it actually possible? Because I’d go back to that first day. Sliding that desk across the room. You looking at me and thinking I’m a clown. I’d give anything for you to just look at me again. And I’d relive those moments, make sure we’re fine.

Slutt, it’s really my fault. I’m not being sarcastic. And you’re not a bad influence, what can I say sluttttttt? What can I do to make things right? I suck. I don’t deserve you. God, I thank all these circumstances that got me closer to you. Every single factor. Slut, even before I’ve seen you, I’ve felt something for you. It’s that feeling when you know you’ve got to know someone so badly. Slut, I’m not letting my ego get between us ever again. So I just want you to talk to me. Please.

Boards are in a few months. After that, we won’t be in school again. Slut, what if you forget me after school? Slut, I don’t want you to go. I’m scared. I don’t want that to happen. Slut, we’re running out of time. I thought of talking to my mother and asking her to call your mother. But I didn’t want to force you to talk to me.

Slut I was the only person between us who was so possessive and jealous. I’ve noticed that quite often. But my ego never let me see it. Such a child slut.

I call you Ruj in my head, and slut everywhere else. Slut, you’re a permanent memory. You’ll always be someone I’ve got great admiration for. I hope you make it big, and well. Like I hope you get your pilot license, become the best designer to ever exist, and what not. I really hope you get ahead in life and become the best in your fields of interest.

Slut, I don’t want to feel hopeless. I just feel like I want some guarantee that we’d forget this and get together.

Ruj, we’ve been friends for so long, and I thought we had an understanding, and many fights along the way, but you drew the line here. No warnings, straight up just cut me out. I know there’s a limit to being a dick, and just because I’ve told you I’m a bad person, doesn’t give me the liberty to be such a cunt.

Ruj, I want to show you that I can change. That I can treat you the right way. I’d be glad if you gave me just one more chance.

17 years of existence. The best wishes I’ve ever got was on my 17th birthday. And I was actually sad the previous night, I thought everyone forgot me. And I wanted Arya to wish me🤮. Your wishes were way more than sufficient. My day was great when I read your email. Slut, I want to make you a promise, that I’ll think and act rationally, rather than being an impulsive and irritable dumbass.

So precious. I’m so ever eternally grateful you’ve been a part of my life, and I really wish you’re a part of my life until the end. Even after that. Slut, I know you might think I’m lying right now, but that isn’t true. These are my thoughts that I’m writing down. They come and go, so I thought of writing them down.

First day the school reopened, I came with hopes that you’d forgive me. But you were already so pissed off. Slut, I’m so sorry. Like I know it’s been my fault this entire time. I’m embarrassed, ashamed.

Slut, I’d choose you over my ego. And I’m serious. Slut, just one chance to make things right. One. And I’ll change my ways.

Slut I keep reading your email and crying. I remember when you said I made you cry when I ghosted you. I’m so sorry. I’m so damn sorry. Slut, do you even miss me one bit?

I don’t want to rip bandages off you. I don’t want to fucking switch on you. I want you. Just you is fine. My life is so fucking empty. I’m sorry. Slut, it makes sense now, what you were talking about in the email happened. You knew this whole time? That I was a dick? And that you’d get away for the better?

Slut, that email wa so passive aggressive it hurt. I felt bad when I read it, but I think that you wishing me in the first place was insanely nice. It’s not fine. What’s fine? No, me turning on you would be a violation of everything I hold dear to me.

I will never change my decision. Slut, I’ve understood your true value now. I mean, I’ve always known, but I just got ignorant in the middle.

Slut, I’m worried about the future. What if we live far away? What if you go to college somewhere else? I won’t get a new best friend and all. That’s for sure. It’s you or no one else. I decided to never get a best friend ever again if it wasn’t you. Slut, I’m asking for nothing else but your forgiveness. I’d be more than happy if you gave it some thought and told me if you want to talk to me. I’m so sorry. I could apologize a million times. But I just want you to know how sorry I am. And what you mean to me. Slut, if you don’t take the book tomorrow or the day after, I’m going to be so hurt. But I deserve to be.

You gave me all your passwords. Wow. Still can’t get over that. I wish I’d shared all of mine too. Life is so empty. My words can’t even describe what’s in my head. Slut, sorry. Mannichiko, ennaku theriyum nee kovamma irruka. If you came back though, I promise, I’ll be an actual best friend to you. Not that I wasn’t this whole time, I’ll treat you like the gem that you are.

I’m glad that our parents know each other. Like there’s a lot in common between us. Slut. Epdi irruka? No really, how are you? I haven’t been able to get through for the longest time. I want to know how you’re doing. Please let me know.

Wow, it’s been an hour.

Slut. I’m sorry for being an abusive and a stupid friend. I swear I’ve changed now, and I want you to look at the new me. Sorry for stealing your peace and fun, and I hope I’m not some kind of parasite. I loved each and every thing we’ve ever done.

Slut, it’s quite true, I started fighting with you most of the time. And I think I’ll cut down, not stop. If you gave me a chance. I love calling you names. Vivek, Khat, Ruj, Slut, Rujithaw, and whatnot. I loved it all. I still love it.

Also, I thought of bringing this up a long long time ago. You see, I tell you to listen to music and watch things etc. but you rarely ever suggest things. Midnight Sky, What Are The Odds are just a few things, and why do you assume I won’t like them? Midnight Sky is really good, and I think I don’t even have to talk about WATO. I loved it. Slut, I know this feeling. This feeling of emptiness, and I think the dead morning vibe adds to it. Slut I miss you. And I pray and hope that you come back.

Stud really loves and misses you. And so does Dobby. Dobby doesn’t lie about that.

Good morning slut, I hope you have an awesome day today. And I miss you, love you, and wish I could make things right. Bye for now.

[esther-dot]

Q: Did s8 destroy Jon’s character?

A:  Hey! I said they used his skeleton as a xylophone because I was pleased with s8 Jon. My only complaint was that when the alien inhabited his body they neglected to remind said alien to not relish the death of innocents so I was snapped right out of the character degeneration (which by 8x05 I was willing to accept) because daaaaaammmmnnn. Finale Jon wasn’t Jon at all. He was just the audience stand in so that Tyrion could explain to us why, while we may want to murder people, we just can’t. I really mean it this time. Murder is naughty. You heard it on GoT first!

read the rest below or on Quora

The easiest to grasp s8 Jon is: a traitor to his country, disloyal to his family, a horrible friend who was ready to go to war over his father, but didn’t seem to give a damn when his best friend’s dad and brother were murdered by his gf. That Jon is awful. That Jon deserved to be eaten by Drogon. But, it is my contractual obligation (to myself) to provide wrong answers as much as humanly possible, so here goes: S8 Jon was a failed attempt to mimic the POV writing in the books which gives you biased, conflicting perspectives on characters and events.

The readily apparent version of s8 Jon is what Varys sees. He says that Jon is weak, bent to Dany’s will (8x04), and yet, in that same episode, Jon persuaded Dany to wage war his way rather than hers. In that same episode, he defied Dany and told Sansa the truth about his parents. The episode before that Dany lost half her army because Jon had brought her North (through her love for him according to Dany) to fight his war. Before that Jon sided with Sansa, against Dany, when deciding what to do with Jaime. Before that Jon had convinced Dany to travel to Winterfell the way he wanted her travel, against the advice of her other advisers. Before that, Jon summoned Dany from beyond the Wall, and she came to help him, losing a dragon in the process. And, after all of that, Jon demonstrated his mindless adoration and fealty to Dany by killing her.

Beyond the fact that Jon stopped being belligerent after she took him prisoner in s7, I can’t say that Jon was particularly obedient to Dany at any point. He certainly spoke in an obsequious manner, but, nah, he wasn’t really into listening to Dany at all. Think about the scene on Dragonstone beach and then in 8x04 where Jon and Tyrion are both trying to sway Dany to be humane. They are both trying to convince her of the same thing, but Dany won’t listen to Tyrion. She listens to Jon. It’s almost like Jon was exerting emotional influence over Dany to get her to do what he wanted time and time again, almost like…he was serving the greater good all along from a (seemingly) powerless position.

Tyrion and Varys certainly don’t see it that way. Varys thinks Jon is weak, Tyrion thinks Jon is blinded by love (Always remember, anytime something is talked about a lot it isn’t true. Dragons weren’t the answer. The crypts weren’t safe.). But, Jon was successful in getting Dany to do what he wanted repeatedly, and how was he blinded by love if he kept on pushing her to go against her instincts, getting her to change her mind repeatedly? Wouldn’t that mean, well shucks, wouldn’t that mean, Dany was the one blinded by love? Wouldn’t that mean, Dany was the one bending her will to Jon’s?

Also, what about the people who know Jon best? What do they think? Sam and Arya defended his choice to bend the knee, declaring him a good leader because of it, saying he was right. What did Sansa (who questioned why he knelt) decide? That Jon was “someone better” (8x04), that he was still “their King” (8x06). The people who knew Jon best also happen to be the people who should have been the most angry with Jon (Sam cuz Jon’s gf burned his family and Jon seems to defend it, Sansa for Jon betraying her trust/her people), and yet, they each determine that Jon is still Jon.

I complained about the Jon/Sansa convo in 8x01, but if instead of viewing it as a precursor to getting an answer from Jon, we view it as Sansa struggling with what to make of Jon, with the answer coming in her convo with Dany (which I talk about here), then Sansa’s desire to make Jon king again makes sense. She has a different POV regarding Jon than Varys and Tyrion. She thinks Jon loves Dany, but she thinks he was still serving the North.

And last, we have Jon’s POV. Let’s think about what he has said about his motivation. “the North is my home. It’s part of me, and I’ll never stop fighting for it, no matter the odds” (7x02), “I serve the North” (7x06), and then in 8x01, “I had a choice: to keep my crown or protect the North. I chose the North.” That’s what we get for Jon’s motivation from his POV. Whether they retconned or we misinterpreted the knee bend in s7, I don’t know, but when he looks at Sansa in 8x01, and says “do you have any faith in me at all?,” he’s not being a manipulative bastard. He’s pained that Sansa may not have faith in him, may not trust him, which means he’s not asking for something he’s unworthy of receiving. He didn’t betray his country; he was protecting it.

His affection for Dany was not apparent in the acting. Here’s a gifset of s7–8 Jon’s reactions to Dany. It isn’t the warm and fuzzies. We are told by others that he wants her, that he loves her, but you don’t get that when you look at Jon, and the only verbally expressed affection Dany gets from him is a declaration that she instantly recognizes is false. She knows (and most the audience knew) that the “I love you” in 8x05 was a direct response to Dany yet again insinuating that someone (Sansa) was going to burn. His words were motivated by fear, not love. This is the same conclusion Sansa came to back in 8x04. What spurred her on to tell Tyrion of Jon’s parentage was the fact that Tyrion was afraid of Dany, and most likely, Jon was too. Bending the knee, his refusal to openly defy her, his refusal to hear of any “treason” was guided not by love, by fear. And of course, his overwhelming desire to hold onto some small bit of honor. This we know because Jon’s response to Tyrion telling him to kill Dany is “Love is the death of duty,” but Jon doesn’t want duty (his honor) to die.

Tyrion flips that expression because Tyrion believes Jon loves Dany (and because HBO wanted to be able to sell shirts they somehow didn’t know were in bad taste?), but you can’t look at Jon embracing Arya, embracing Bran, embracing Sansa and think that duty is where they fall. (I give a more thorough breakdown of this here). Tyrion thinks Jon is blinded by love, Varys thinks Jon is a weak fool, Sansa thinks Jon loves Dany but serves the North, but what does Jon think? We don’t get it spelled out to us, but we can infer it when Jon kills Dany.

Jon thinks being a king is protecting his people. He thinks he would rather give up his crown than see them die. Jon thinks he’d rather stab his queen in the heart than allow her to touch Arya or Sansa. Jon thinks that he’d rather be executed (or whatever the punishment he expects from Grey Worm) if it means his family is safe. Jon chose love of his people over his crown, and love for his family over duty to his queen. This is a Jon I can live with. This is a Jon Jon can live with.

That’s the interpretation I choose whether D&D want me to or not because yes, their careless use of Jon as a plot device did destroy the character for most of the audience. So, if alien Jon is what sings to you, take him with my blessing. He isn’t any good for anyone. (And if we need to argue about the finale script vs what was on our screen, read my thoughts on that monstrosity here.) But, what we were given made so little sense, I have no shame in making my own.

[rainhalydia]

The character game: Theon Geyjoy (because I can't resist and need more validation for my boy, especially with the last month I've had), Elia Martell, Asha Greyjoy, Ashara Dayne, Arianne/Oberyn/Doran Martell, Brienne of Tarth, Jaime/Tyrion Lannister, Gonna Lannister, Saint Seiya: Scorpio Milo, Aquarius Camus, Andromeda Shun, Virgo Shaka, Sailor Moon: Sailor Pluto, Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Venus

Hey, nonny! Sorry if the last month sucked, I hope the next one is better!

Thanks for the ask! Have all my opinions!

Theon Greyjoy

How I feel about this character: I LOVE HIM!!! MY RESILIENT TRASH SQUID PRINCE!!!

In a less histrionic note, it’s amazing how well-written he is. It’s my dream to one day write something so beautiful and well-crafter as Theon’s whole arc.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Robb most of all, but also Kyra and Patrek Mallister to a lesser degree. Even so, I feel like Robb was the love of his life and even if he has a romantic endgame in Jeyne P., it’s going to be a Loras situation all over again.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Jeyne P., because no one else can understand them like they do given their shared trauma, but also Wex and Asha. And Dagmer!

My unpopular opinion about this character: He’s never ever done anything wrong ever in his life   Everyone who dislikes him is wrong Seriously, he’s competent. People love to ignore that because he’s such a mess, but it’s worth noticing that we’re inside his head and privy to all his thoughts and feelings. He doesn’t come across nearly as insecure and headless to other people as he actually is, or he wouldn’t be able to control his men in Winterfell or during the raids, or to take control of Moat Cailin later.

Also, while it’s true he picked all the worst choices, he had no good options.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: He has to survive. I speak this into existence! I love him too much for him to die, and I’m sick of the redemption equals death trope. He better survive and become an explorer.

Elia Martell

How I feel about this character: Deserved so much better in all fronts :(

All the people I ship romantically with this character: No one, really. Her husband fucked her over, and so did the other characters I’ve seen being shipped with her (Lyanna and Arthur Dayne), plus I don’t know her enough to be invested. Maybe that suitor Oberyn says she was interested in? The one who farted.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Oberyn and Doran! They love her so much! I like to think she’d get along very well with Ellaria too.

My unpopular opinion about this character: That I’m not nearly as invested in her as most of fandom? Or maybe that I think that before the Queen of Love and Beauty fiasco, she loved Rhaegar, possibly even after still. He’s handsome, courteous, sensitive, a prince who will make her queen in time. What is there not to love? I think she was completely blindsided by the Lyanna thing, both at the tournement and when Rhaegar disappeared with her.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: That she had taken Rhaenys to visit her uncles in Dorne right after that tournement and stayed there while the whole thing developed in the capital

Asha Greyjoy

How I feel about this character: I LOVE HER!!! If she’s not queen by the end I’m suing.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Qarl! Alysane! Tris when he learns to shut up about the pimples.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Her uncle Rodrik and Theon! For all that she’s friendly, I think Asha is pretty reserved and hard to know.

My unpopular opinion about this character: That whole part when she pretends to be Esgred is cringe-worth. I know people find it funny, but as an older sister to a loving shy dumbass, I die from second-hand embarassement for her more than for Theon. She manages to come across as worse than Theon, and that’s saying something! It’s just not okay to grope your brother, Asha! And still, that scene says a lot about Asha’s own insecurities and the person she has to be to keep her place and freedom... and yet, I find it difficult to say her actions were justified.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I feel pretty confident she’s going to live, so I want her to become queen and start some deep economical and cultural reforms with the surviving ironborn.

Ashara Dayne

How I feel about this character: Indifferent. Even more so than with Lyanna and Elia, I don’t feel like I know her at all. We know she was very pretty, that she used to laugh and that she met a tragic end, but that’s pretty much it.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: No one, especially not Barristan.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Again, no one. I know people seem to think of her and Elia as friends, and w know she was at the tournement, but again, not much to go by.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Don’t know how unpopular this is, but she definitely had sex with Brandon that time, not Ned.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I don’t know, I think it’s very unlikely, but it would be fun if she turned out to be secretly alive after all for some perspective on the past generation and the events pre-rebellion, but I don’t want her to be Lemore nor Howland’s wife.

Arianne Martell

How I feel about this character: She’s okay, her chapters are entertaining, but not favorite material

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Arys and Daemon

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Her friends Drey, Garin and Sylva

My unpopular opinion about this character: This is way more on GRRM than on her, but it’s plain umconfortable how she had a crush on and very sexual thoughts about Oberyn at such a young age.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: That she could actually meet Quentyn and see that he was never a threat to her :(

Oberyn Martell

How I feel about this character: I like him, but I like Doran better. He could have done a better job raising his daughters.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Ellaria! They were very in love and committed, and I feel like she brought out the best in him.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Doran and Elia

My unpopular opinion about this character: He’s not as hot-headed as his reputation leads us to believe. He’s in complete control in KL until the end, it was pretty much bad luck that got him killed. Which makes me believe that all the other things that he did to earn his bad rep were done with open eyes.

He’s also not as awesome a father as fandom seems to believe. Maybe he got better with the younger ones, but I don’t really like the Sand Snakes and I think the way they are willing to walk all over Doran and talk badly about Ellaria reflects badly on him. And what we do know about his parenting style (taking Obara from her mother the way he did, saying they’ll need to kill any abusive husbands they get because he won’t help) makes Doran look like father of the year.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: That he got justice for Elia and her children, that he took Tyrion to Dorne and they became friends.

Doran Martel

How I feel about this character: I like him and I think he’s smart. His plans could do with a bit of feedback, but he’s not dumb.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: No one, really. I feel like he’s still hung up on his wife.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Oberyn, Elia, Aero

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don’t think he’s overcautious or too slow, I think he has internalized that his first duty is to Dorne so he can’t go starting wars willy-nilly. If he could, he’d rain as much revenge on Elia’s murderers as Oberyn

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: That he had shut the Sand Snakes down harder when they called him a coward.

Brienne of Tarth

How I feel about this character: MY DAUGHTER! SHE’S SO SWEET!

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Jaime, maybe Hyle if he repents and gets his act together

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Pod, Catelyn, her dad

My unpopular opinion about this character: She would probably be happy being a regular lady if things went that route for her, especially because as the heir to Tarth, she’d be the one rulling her land and having a consort, not the other way around... I also think she would be good at it and be respected. Yes, I think people did ridicule and bully and disrespect her, but the fact that her septa, who was her main caregiver, was in on it, might have warped her perception of how others saw her. The bet too. Her master of arms, for example, respected and liked her, Cat too, so Brienne can and does inspire loyalty.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I don’t think she’ll find Sansa, but I wish she would find at least Arya and get part of her oath to Cat done.

Jaime Lannister

How I feel about this character: I enjoy his povs a lot, he’s very funny, but he’s not one of my favorites

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Brienne

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Tyrion, his squires, that guy who has stopped shaving

My unpopular opinion about this character: I feel like, even if he had confesssed the reason why he killed Aerys, people would still judge him as a Kingslayer anyway. I don’t think it’s reprehensible that he kept quiet in the circumstances. Maybe it was irresponsible to just let the wildfire lying around, but he had no way to know it was dangerous.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I want him to be the one to kill Cersei, but I want it to be because she’s becoming Aerys 2.0, not because he’s jealous.

Tyrion Lannister

How I feel about this character: I love him a lot! He’s sadly relatable, though I’m definitely not that smart. The way he won’t let people forget he’s there, that he’s smart and capable and that he won’t accept them walking all over him is the best.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Dany! I think it’s a given that he’ll fall for her. I also think it’s a given that she’ll fall for Jon, but I’d like her to at least have some feelings for him as well, to be divided, etc. Though if it comes to that, I’d rather she ended with Tyrion.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Jon, Bronn, Pod. I like to think the mountain clans think fondly of him as well.

My unpopular opinion about this character: He never really loved Shae. I don’t know how unpopular this is, but he didn’t love her and he was wrong to kill her even with the public humiliation and everything, and I think he’s aware of these facts. Not to say the sense of betrayal wasn’t real.

Also, he was 100% in the right when killing Tywin. It’s sad only because it sends Tyrion to such dark places, but really, a public service.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Third head of the dragon, baby!

Genna Lannister

How I feel about this character: She annoys me!

All the people I ship romantically with this character: No one. I wish she felt happier with her husband, but shipping is too strong a word.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Joanna Lannister. She very much doesn’t strike me as someone who has close friends.

My unpopular opinion about this character: She’s not a cool aunt or a loving aunt or whatever. Her talk with Jaime in his pov doesn’t strike me as them having a close relationship, and she’s basically a non-entity in Tyrion’s and Cersei’s thoughts from what I remember. For all that she criticizes Tywin, she seems to be a lot like him imho.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Well, if she’s not in the Red Wedding Redux (if that happens), she’s got to be aound it. It would be interesting to see her reaction to it.

Scorpio Milo

How I feel about this character: He’s alright. Bit of an asshole, which I like

All the people I ship romantically with this character: No one. People seem to ship him with Aioria and Camus in particular, I’m okay with that.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: The other gold saints

My unpopular opinion about this character: His signature attack is cool in theory and lame in practice.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: That he got more character development. He gets little even for a minor character.

Aquarius Camus

How I feel about this character: He’s okay. I’m not very invested

All the people I ship romantically with this character: No one. He seems to get paired up a lot with Milo, I guess that’s fine.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Hyoga, the other gold saints.

My unpopular opinion about this character: By adding the Crystal Saint, the anime turns a touching moment into something hilarious when Hyoga and him fight and trace back their saint genealogy

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: That he hadn’t frozen Hyoga. What the fuck did that even accomplish???

Andromeda Shun

How I feel about this character: I LOVE HIM! He was the first character that made me stop and think a little deeper about morals.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Hyoga in the anime, June in the manga

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Seiya, Ikki, his master

My unpopular opinion about this character: He’s the more mature of the bronze saints, not only because he’s quiter and calmer, but because he’s the only one to think things through. He’s the only one who reflects about their situation in a conscious way. And he’s smart.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish he had actually died in his Hades arc. I think it would make for a better story

Virgo Shaka

How I feel about this character: I like him a lot, his Hades arc helped a lot with that

All the people I ship romantically with this character: No one... I’d read whatever back when I was more into Saint Seiya, but I have no particular preferences

My non-romantic OTP for this character: The other gold saints, especially Aioria. They’ve come a long way and it was really sad how angry Aioria got about his death.

My unpopular opinion about this character: He’s way more of an asshole than people give him credit for.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish he had lived, but again, they had to die, such is the nature of shonen manga XD

Sailor Pluto

How I feel about this character: I don’t know, she’s not as interesting as the outer senshi, but she’s alright

All the people I ship romantically with this character: No one

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Haruka and Michiru

My unpopular opinion about this character: None, really. I don’t have a lot of opinions on her.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I’m more than okay with the end of Sailor Moon, including hers

Sailor Jupiter

How I feel about this character: I did not appreciate her enough the first time I read this manga, but she is awesome

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Ami, just a little bit

My non-romantic OTP for this character: All the other senshi

My unpopular opinion about this character: Much of the sense of her being an outsider gets lost in translation, which is a pity since it’s such an integral part of her character.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I’m pretty happy with how things turned out for her :)

Sailor Venus

How I feel about this character: I had such a crush on her growing up XD

All the people I ship romantically with this character: I don’t actively ship it, but I think her and Mars are cute together

My non-romantic OTP for this character: All the other senshi, Artemis

My unpopular opinion about this character: The anime made her more immature than she was originally, but that doesn’t mean she was super adult in the original either. She had a lot on her plate so she stepped up. Her growth was more subtle than for her anime counterpart, but it was there

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I’m pretty satisfied with the way the story ends, everyone including Venus alive and happy. Western authors, learn something from this!

[perhapsapremise]

[holiday advent challenge day 8, prompt: reindeer. on ao3 Merry Christmas!]

“Did you know reindeer and caribou are the same thing?”

Jon spins around to find Rickon, having taken a cookie off the counter which is, incidentally, in the shape of a reindeer. He takes a bite of the cookie while looking seriously at Sam. Jon, of course, has already heard this fact from his brother several times.

Sam gives Jon a quick, uncertain glance, and Jon nods encouragingly towards Rickon. Sam had always been a little uncomfortable around Jon’s younger sibling, or any children really. He claimed he didn’t know what to say to them.

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” Sam says. “I always thought they were two different species.”

“Nope,” Rickon says cheerfully, shaking his head. “People used to think they were, but it turns out they’re all the same one. There are a bunch of different subspecies though. The biggest one is the woodland Caribou, they live in North America. The smallest is the Svalbard Reindeer, which live in Norway.”

“That’s interesting,” Says Sam, sounding totally sincere even as he sends Jon a questioning look.

In honesty, Jon was about as confused about Rickon’s latest obsession as he was. He knew this particular interest had started when he’d read a book or reindeer facts at school, but he’d never expected reindeer to be an animal to excite an eight year old.

Rickon’s interests always seemed to catch Jon off-guard, though, as he seemed to jump almost randomly from one fixation to the next, the previous ones usually all but forgotten.

That was one of the reasons he and Robb were having trouble finding what to get their youngest brother for Christmas. It was pretty clear what he would like then, at that moment, but there was no telling if he’d still be invested in this topic by the time the holiday actually rolled around, even though it was only a few weeks away.

“You know where the word caribou comes from?” Rickon continues, eager to give to his whole spiel now that he has a captive audience.

“I don’t” Sam says.

“It’s from an old Mi’kmaq word which meant ‘shovelling snow’.”

“Oh yeah?”

Rickon nods confidently. “And you know Santa’s reindeer?”

“Sure.”

“They were probably all female, because adult male reindeer shed their antlers in the winter, but the females keep them year-round.”

“Huh. I never knew about that,” Sam says. He still seems a little nervous.

“Most people don’t,” Rickon says. “Only know their names.” He shoves the rest of the cookie in his mouth.

- - -

“What’s your favourite animal?” Rickon asks the question with an odd attentiveness, as if taking mental notes. Robb almost hesitates to answer.

“Wolves, I think.”

Rickon nods thoughtfully while Jon, across the room, huffs a laugh.

“What?” Robb protests.

“Nothing,” Jon says. “Just, that’s very middle school.”

“Oh, shut up,” Robb says. He’s about to follow up with some sort of counter-attack, but he’s interrupted by Rickon, who’d moved on from Robb to interrogate Theon.

“What about you?”

Theon, who was previously busy stuffing his face with crackers - Robb’s crackers that he’d taken without asking, Robb notes - and takes a moment to swallow before answering.

“Squids, for sure,” he says, nodding confidently.

“Ew,” Sansa says, not looking up from where she sat a the table, drawing.

“No ew,” Theon says. “They’re majestic animals. Kings of the sea. Not to mention delicious.”

“Again, ew.”

Theon sticks his tongue out at her, though of course she doesn’t notice, still absorbed in her drawing.

Arya looks up from looking through Pokemon cards with Bran long enough to say, to Sansa, “I’m definitely getting you a live squid for Christmas.” Sansa just rolls her eyes in response.

“What about you, kiddo?” Theon says, turning back to Rickon. “What’s your favourite animal?”

Rickon looks thoughtful. “I have lots, but right now I like reindeer.”

“No, I mean like a real animal,” Theon says offhandedly.

At that, everyone looks up from what their doing to stare at Theon.

“What?” He says.

“Reindeer are real animals,” Rickon says matter-of-factly.

“What? No they’re not.” He looks confident at first, but hesitates as he looks around a the incredulous looks he’s getting from the older Starks. Jon appears to be surpressing laughter.

“You know, reindeer,” he continues, with considerably less confidence. “Those made up animals that pull Santa’s sleigh?”

Rickon looks remarkably unimpressed for a seven year old.

“Theon, you absolute dumbass,” Arya says. Jon bursts out laughing.

“Arya!” Robb shouts, but she’s already making a speedy escape from the room.

Robb momentarily considers going after her, but decides it’s not worth it.

“You really didn’t know reindeer were real?” Robb asks, voice laced with amusement.

“Shut up,” Theon says.

- - -

Theon plucks a large plush reindeer off the shelf.

“What about this?” He turns to Robb quizzically. “Do you think he’ll like it? Or is he too old for this stuff, you think?”

Robb is ashamed to say he’s not sure because his parents had always been there to help pick out gifts for his siblings, and that they were the ones who kept track of which toys they were interested in and which ones they’d grown out of. They’d always done a really good job of it.

Theon is still looking at him, waiting for a response, and it was already really nice of Theon to go out and buy gifts for all Robb and Jon’s younger siblings, because he cared and because they deserved it. It was the thought that counted, Robb thought, and Theon had kept up with his brothers interests enough to know he liked reindeer, at least. He would give some more thought to Rickon’s exact preferences later, when buying his own gifts.

“I think he’d like it,” Robb says, sounding more confident than he feels.

Theon smiles in satisfaction and strikes off to find something for Bran.

Robb lingers for a minute, glancing around the aisle. It was stocked full of reindeer themed items, because of course it was, because it was Christmas. That should’ve made it easier to find something his brother would like, but was actually making it harder because he didn’t know what to chose.

It’s now the second christmas since their parents died, and Robb should be better at this. He should be able to keep track of his siblings interests, predict what kind of gifts they’d like. He could feel it again, that crushing feeling in his chest, like -

“Hey, are you coming , or -” Theon appears by his side again, but something stops him when he sees Robb. “You okay?”

“Fine,” he says, feeling a little hopeless.

- - -

“Can you draw me a reindeer?” Rickon asks, sitting down next to Sansa at the kitchen table, where she’s busy drawing.

“What for?”

“I dunno,” he says. “They’re just cool.”

“Sure,” she says, which surprises Robb a little. She rarely responds so well to her younger siblings’ requests.

Robb half keeps an eye on them while washing the dishes. Not because he needs to, but more out of instinct.

Rickon leans over the table and watches intently as she works. When she’s done, she hands him the paper with flourish, and he takes it, grinning.

“Cool, thanks,” he says.

“You know,” Sansa says, half-smiling. “If you want, I can show you how to draw one yourself.”

“Really?” He asks, wide-eyed.

“Mhmm,” she nods. “Wanna try?”

He nods vigorously, and she hands him a paper. Robb turns away, smiling.

They’re mostly quiet after that, Sansa intermittently offering instructions or encouragement. Robb finishes up the dishes and drifts out of the room. He glances over at them before leaving, and they’re both still quite engrossed.

He finds himself at the living room window. It’s a cold day, the window is heavily frosted. Robb wipes some away. The world outside is already covered in a thick blanket of snow and it’s still coming down pretty hard, almost a blizzard. Robb’s not sure why, but he always found it calming, watching the snow come down.

He’s not sure how long he stands there, staring out the window, before his brother comes out of the kitchen and joins him. He glances outside, like he’s trying to see what Robb finds so interesting.

“Here,” he says, holding up the paper in his hands. “For you.”

“For me?”

Rickon nods, watching him expectantly.

He looks down at the drawing. It’s quite a good drawing of a reindeer, for a kid, Sansa’s lesson must’ve been effective. It doesn’t look like a cartoon drawing at all, but like a real reindeer, except that it’s nose is coloured bright red. Next to the reindeer is what looks like a wolf. He’s ever signed the bottom of the paper, his name written in big, messy letters with a green marker.

“It’s a good reindeer,” Robb says, nodding at his brother.

“Thanks,” says Rickon. “They don’t really have red noses, but I thought it was seasonal.”

Robb laughs. “It sure is.” He points to the other animal in the drawing. “And that’s a wolf?”

Rickon shrugs. “You said you liked them.”

Robb feels himself grinning. “I did,” he says. “I do. Thank you. This is really nice.”

Rickon smiles. Robb ruffles his hair. “You’re a good kid, you know,” Robb says.

“Stop,” Rickon whines, pushing his hand away, but still smiling. He moves up in front of the window, resting his arms agains the windowsill and staring outside.

“Do you think we can see one, one day?” He asks softly, after a long moment of silence. “Like, in real life?”

“I don’t think they have reindeer here,” Robb says.

“What about in a zoo or something?”

Robb smiles. “Sure. Someday, I’ll take you to a zoo and we can see some reindeer, okay?”

He nods silently, still staring out the window. He’s getting taller, Robb notices, growing up before his eyes. They’ve all grown so much since - everything that happened. Robb wishes they didn’t have to, but there’s nothing he can do. All he can do is try to look after them, like their parents would have.

He messes Rickon’s hair again, and this time his brother doesn’t pull away.

- - -

On Christmas Eve, John shepherds his younger brothers to bed and they don’t try to right with him.

Afterwards, he helps Robb clean up the kitchen, makes sure all the gifts are ready for tomorrow, and makes sure Sansa and Arya get to bed on time.

Everything that needs to be done today is done, and Jon goes by the front hall to turn off the porch light. He stops short when he sees Rickon, by the door, pulling on his boots. He’s got a jacket on, but is still wearing his pyjamas underneath.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jon asks. His brother looks up, startled.

“Nowhere?” He offers

“Nowhere?” Jon asks skeptically.

Rickon nods, shifting his eyes guiltily.

“Well, if you weren’t going anywhere, then you should go back to bed,” Jon says. He walks up to the door and locks it firmly. He looks down at his brother, waiting for an answer.

Rickon looks conflicted for a moment, then resigned. “I was just going to the church,” he says.

Now Jon is just confused. “In the middle of the night? Why?”

Rickon just shrugs.

Jon continues cautiously, trying to roll with it. “If you wanted to go to the service, you should’ve said so earlier, we could’ve -”

“No, not that,” Rickon says. “We didn’t go into the church. We just waited outside. So we could hear the music.”

“We?”

“Mum used to take me,” he says softly. “She would come get me, after I was supposed to be in bed, and we’d go together.”

“Oh,” Jon says, because he doesn’t know what to say. The two of them are silent for a moment, Rickon stares at the ground.

“What if - ” Jon starts hesitantly. “How about I take you instead? Would that be okay.”

Rickon looks up, nodding carefully. “Okay,” he says.

“Put a hat on, though,” Jon says. “And some gloves. You’ll get cold.”

They walk down the street together, cutting through the snowy fields behind the houses.

They stop at a low stone wall surrounding the church. It’s a small thing, old but well maintained, and warm light spills out of the windows. Jon had never paid it much attention before. All he knew was that their mother liked to come here sometimes, that it gave her some sort of comfort. Jon had secretly been a little dismissive; as a younger teenager he’d been quite cynical about religion. Tonight, though, he had to admit it looked beautiful.

Jon pulls himself up onto the wall. “Here,” he says, reaching down to lift his brother up. He sits Rickon in his lap so he’s not against the cold stone in his pyjamas, and Rickon doesn’t squirm or pull away.

The music starts slow, the sounds of a choir singing spilling gently out the open door. Songs Jon recognizes, mostly, silent night and the like. He’d never had any special affection for Christmas songs, either of the religious or secular variety, at least not since he’d gotten old enough to enter his edgy teen phase.

Right now though, as the sound drifts lightly out of the church, the only sound in the dark, cool night, the stars twinkling above them, it was so beautiful it was almost surreal.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Rickon says.

“Yeah, it is.”

“It’s a nice night.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“I wish mum was here.” He’s so quiet Jon almost doesn’t hear him over the singing.

Jon pulls him in tighter. “I know. Me too.”

The music washes over them, and Jon feels a lightness in his chest.

“We’re gonna be okay, you know,” he says softly.

“I know, Jon,” he says.

Jon sits on the wall with his brother, listening to the music, until Rickon falls asleep, and Jon carries him home.