#opened desktop tumblr for the first time in quite a while and seen the no icons update

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

tumblr just really trying to force us all off this website eh

[caffeinated-fan]

Desktop>logs>Iceman

Chapter 2

Summary:

A glimpse into a slow day at Top Gun, complete with minor inconveniences and lonely wallowing, hurray!

Notes:

This is my first real attempt at a long fic, and trying to come up with a story. This chapter was started over *checks notes* 267 days ago.... I've spent that past (almost) year reading RoosterForMe fics on tumblr and trying wrangle a similar vibe for this. If you want to read *chef's kiss* TG:M fics I cannot recommend her works enough. <3<3<3

Tuesday morning, 10th June.

Laundry, and sweeping. Groceries-MILK and creamer

I was writing my day plans out, my coffee getting colder next to me. Scribbling in the dates of upcoming appointments and services. My pen settled on the square for Saturday, scribbled in hasty pencil marks was ‘Dinner w/ Kazansky, Kans. Barbeque’.

This would be fine, it wasn’t going to suck. Barbeque is good, and therefore things around barbeque are also good.

“That’s a normal thing to think,” I mumbled to myself, taking a sip of coffee. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy being around other people, quite the opposite.

It’s fine, no one would look at an archivist and assume they’re a party animal. Tom seemed to enjoy my company, he somehow made it easier to talk to him. Like he understood when to give me space to talk, not bowling me over to finish what I was saying.

I stowed my journal in my backpack and set out to work. Stopping by my door to plop my basil plant outside.

“Bye, Boski Boo!” I hollered at the small aquarium in the living room before shutting the door.

I drove up to the MA at the base’s gate, holding out my ID, and sliding my bag to the front to let him check it. The ammunition pouches on his kevlar vest sagged inward without clips to hold them open, but the clip in his gun kept the impression that he very much would shoot me if he had to. I drove past him, continuing down a road leading along the edge of base. Despite working here for almost a year I had rarely seen further into the base, my clearance only allowing me a few blocks in. But, I still got to see the buzz of military life in the distance. I had started getting used to the sound of aircraft zipping overhead and buzzing buildings when they came in to land. Although it made calling people while on base a nightmare with jet engines often drowning out both ends of the line.

I hopped out of my car slinging my bag over my shoulder. The brick building stood in the middle of a perfectly kept green, the paved paths clean and swept. As I walked up the path I remembered my first week here, I would cut the corner and step across the grass. Finally I noticed each time I did a sailor would wince or grimace to themselves. One finally told me they’d had it beaten into them to Never EVER walk on the grass. Apparently one of the Officers liked to make sailors who broke that rule crawl on all fours on the grass next to the paved path.

The doors to the archival building stuck as I moved inside, the sea air eating away at the metal. I waved quickly at the receptionist (Katy?) making a b-line for my office. I pushed the power switch on my computer and set about emptying my bag while it booted up. Digging through the mail for any updates on requested materials and orders for copies.

...

Stacking file-boxes full of newly printed copies, I pushed through my office door towards the archives. Walking down the aisles, carefully returning the cassettes to their boxes along with their CD copies. I’d finished up the day after Tom came by. I'd spent the rest of that day thinking about him sitting quietly, flipping through manila folders. ___

I sat clicking my pen, glancing up at Tom through the open doors. His head was bowed, nose almost touching the papers he was looking at. Leaning on his forearms, his hands cradling his head.

“We have magnifying glasses if you need one,” I softly called out. Tom's head popped up, still hunched over the paper.

“That'd be great, thank you.” He pushed up and rubbed at his eyes. I pulled open a desk drawer, grabbed what I needed and headed over.

“I'm surprised you don't need glasses,” I joked, handing him the magnifying glass.

“Hm. Not yet, but I don't doubt that grandpa reading glasses are in my future.” The mental image of Tom with glasses popped into my head. Oh. That's not bad at all…Maybe he's a horn-rimmed glasses guy, maybe more classic chic,

....

Okay, she's definitely thinking about me in glasses, now. I had no intent on telling her the grandpa glasses were fully in use already. Thankfully I'd only ruined my near sight from shoving my nose in books all day. I'm not sure I could survive Mav knowing I need glasses.

“I'm sure you'll look very distinguished when the day comes.” I felt her hand land on my shoulder before she walked away. Back through the two doorways to sit behind her desk. My face a little warm at the thought of someone finding my glasses attractive

My eyes dropped down to the papers in front of me. A-5 Vigilante variable geometry and their wind tunnel results. My brain goes back to running its two trains of thought. Half of my mind was focusing on the words, the other half combing through ideas to get her to come back over. I cleared my throat, leaning towards the doorway.

“There's one configuration for the A-5 that's an almost wingless design..” ___

The quiet of the archival room pressed against my ears. Layers of paper and cardboard softening the outside world as it slips through the roof and chatters along the metal I-beams.

“Weh, Wil, WILLIAMS! James E.,” my shout of triumph cut through the silence like a knife careening through a window. Pulling down the box I gently laid the cassettes and CDs onto a new cardboard divider and closed the box. My eyes cast around the large, quiet room as I gathered up the box to put it away. The desk by the door, the foldout steel chair looking morose and empty. He’d even pushed it back in. The magnifying glass neatly tucked against the wall. I hadn't had anyone come into records just to read for leisure in a few months. Mostly older sailors coming in on a slow day to peruse photographs and battle plans. I huffed and pushed the box onto the shelf and headed back to my office.

My open notebook caught my attention as I sat back down, Dinner w/ Tom circled in red on the 14th. The day before catching my eye, Friday 13th, making me smile. If I made it through that BBQ would be a nice reward for not getting murdered.

…

“Lieutenant Kazansky to tower, pre-flight checklist complete, awaiting orders.”

“Acknowledged, await further instructions,” the operator’s voice took on a less professional tone as she continued, “Get comfy, Ice, the engineers are still checking the runway for debris.” A jet had come in after hitting some birds and had left some nasty gifts for the ground crews, no one was injured thankfully. I shoved my head back as much as the crowded cockpit would let me. I'd gladly spend all day in my jet but for God's sake usually I was flying. I felt Slider jostle around behind me as he sat forward in his seat.

“Since we have some time to ourselves, let me tell you about that blonde, Rachel,” Slider said, his mask clunking against my chair.

“Is this the dumb one or the pretty dumb one?” I joked, remembering the two from last week. We'd gone to a bar far enough off base that the girls were excited to see a pilot but not total tag chasers. Slider had spent the night with a blonde on each arm like he was weighing his decision on who to stick with me. He was a hell of a RIO, and a decent wingman. Meaning he'd figure out fast if I wanted a girl that night and happily take home both if I didn't.

“Ha-Ha. Condescending laugh. She was plenty smart, works as a receptionist for some big company. Likes old planes. Anyway, she's got a friend, a stewardesses, coming in to visit next week who just adores the strong silent type. Said she'd love to set you up on a double date with us.”

“She sounds less like a hit it and quit it and more like a date, Slider,” I joked. He huffed and sat back in his seat. I waited for him to say some snappy comeback.

“Slider?...She was a one nighter, right?”

“...”

“Oh-ho-ho, Cupid landed a shot last night? That's great Slide, why the hell'd ya keep it from me?” Slider wasn't some chauvinistic prick who'd rather die than say he gets the warm fuzzies.

“Well, she was, a one night, ya'know. I spent the night-,” “Nice.” “I was going to head back home but she offered to order some food and we started talking. Then in the morning she said there was a nice brunch place on the way back to the bar. Her car is cool too, shitty driver though. It just kinda smacked into me, she's so cool, man. I was like some dopey highschooler, cracking jokes and being terrified I'd annoy her somehow.”

“You? Annoy someone? Impossible, you only chew all your pencils and think out loud, have awful hygiene…” I joked, Slider pushing against my chair, before continuing. “I'd love to meet her, blind double date be damned.”

“Tower to Lieutenants, clear to proceed to the runway.”

…

This sucked. Okay not suck-sucks, but I was getting tired of this E-3 and his adherence to Not Helping Me. The wobbly stool was not helping me either, threatening to tip over as I grabbed boxes from the top shelf. He had been courteous when he’d told me what he needed from the archives, though his kindness ended there. Letting me climb up and down to retrieve the hefty boxes.

“Why weren’t you given a ladder? Shouldn’t there be a ladder just for this room?” he asked, shifting the boxes next to him with his foot. He reached up and steadied my back as I climbed down.

“No, there isn’t. The building flooded a few years back and it rusted. Now, we have stools.” I dusted down my shirt and took the box from him. “S’That everything? Good.” GET OUT. He pulled a smile and lead the way out. Catching the door with his shoulder and nodding me past.

I dropped the box I was holding in his arms (probably harder than I should given the contents), pulled a smile, and went to my office. “Thank you, Ma'm. I'll be sure to get these back to you, all papers present.” He flashed a grin and adjusted the boxes to keep them stacked.

“Hope this isn’t the only trip you take over here,” the receptionist, (Katy, no Kathy?) said, pushing her chair back to get the main doors.

“Oh, I don’t think my CO will ever stop sending me here, ‘course you could always come see me.”

I pulled my door closed to avoid hearing them flirt. Kathy (I’ve decided that had to be it) liked uniforms more than the person in them, always chasing around the sailors who’d recently been stationed here. I sat back in my chair with a sigh, trying to calm myself. I shouldn’t be upset. That E-3 wasn’t doing anything wrong. I had no real reason to be annoyed with him. A small flush of guilt spread up my neck. I hated being mad, I hated losing control over myself, I hated how people treated me like a child when I got upset. I blew out a breath, leaned forward, and started typing in the logged out materials.

…

My keys slid into the lock as I shoved my body weight against it. I dropped my bag inside the door, and scooped up my basil plant. The door clicked shut behind me, shutting out the last bit of light. The light of Boski’s tank barely lit up the room as I walked over to him. Boski, my comet goldfish, stared in my general direction from his tank as he swam slowly around. I watched with a small smile as he passed under the sign I hung above his cave, “Lord Byron Boksilous the Spacious”.

“Well, Boski-nova, I had a very boring day, I don’t know how you manage.” I sat down on the floor then let my body fall flat on the carpet. I really did like this job, the hours were fine, pay was decent. My dad had told me stories about how good it was to be contracted by the military in some way. While I wasn’t directly contracted I still had nice benefits.

“Only reason they're so good is no one else is there. It’s one of the largest on base repositories and they hired one person, Boski.” The hand I had raised to make my point clear to Boski flopped down beside me.

“One, angry, lonely person…” Drowning in a little pity pool sounded like a good ending to this day. I layed there watching the reflections of the tank on the walls.

…

My truck's engine rumbled against my back as I stood across from Cary in some hotel parking lot. I’d driven her back after Slider went home with Rachel again, leaving Cary to get a cab. She’d hesitantly accepted my offer to drive her and I’d spent the whole time salvaging my image. It'd been a rocky start to our double date. I spent a good while getting back into the swing of flirting. Cary’d spent the date flicking her attention from me to the first round college game over my shoulder. Slider was right, the two women did enjoy aviation talk. We'd regaled them with training tales and finished with our great tale of flying with Mav, I embellished his prowess for the night, no use adding to his reputation. Now, she stood a few feet away smoking under a half-alive lamppost, the sickly green light making her dress look a weird ocean blue.

“Are you leaving or do you wanna come up?” She’d been smoking in silence for so long I jumped a little. Her eyes were locked on me, her expression was fixed between boredom and bedroom eyes. Or just tired. She’d told me how little sleep she got when she worked, catching a few hours in a cramped hotel room with three other girls. I weighed my options, the evening was awkward and she wasn’t as nice as Rachel was. She wasn’t bratty, she just didn’t care to work around feelings. Preferring to speak as frankly as she could without being overly rude. She was hot, pretty tall, and seemed to have gotten over my rocky start.

She walked to the hotel door and threw away her cigarette, standing by the side entrance. I opened my truck's cab, turned the engine off and put the key in my jacket. My legs carried me to her side as she opened the door, leading me inside.

The door’s lock clicks closed softly

[azazelsconfessional]

((so i was gonna open up my askbox again but I got distracted doing this and watching streams i think idr what i did the past few hours, buuut there's something I need to cover first, especially since there are so many new people around! Hello! Especially since so many of you are playing OCs/MCs.

Don't worry, it's a tip to hopefully help you along! It may get a little long, especially as I try and provide examples. . .but hopefully it'll help.

I'm gonna talk a lot about OCs but this applies to canon characters too a bit. It certainly helps.

Tl;dr, you should have a character profile page.

(also remember that tumblr mobile doesn't really have direct access to Pages made with the Pages function on desktop, so you'll have to link them manually in your pinned or description or host them on another site(I used Google Docs in the apst) or in a regular post(this makes it very easy to lose as a forewarning) for maximum accessibility!)

(rules pages are also really really handy if you have alot of resteictions.)

So, in general, OCs have a bit of a lower reception rate in rp. Idk if that'll be the case here with MCs because they're, well, the main character. Housamo is also a series that lends itself well to OCs pretty well, especially non-human ones, but I figured I'd warn for that.

BUT. That doesn't mean you shouldn't play an OC! It just means there are things you need to keep in mind!

Think of all of the OCs you've seen--you all seem to be fun and wonderful people, and your characters are surely interesting. But. . .if you don't tell anybody about them, nobody will know what's going on or where to start, which makes asking questions a little hard, right? That's easier to work around with MC characters--we've played the game, we know the story, we know the characters, so we can figure out questions fairly easily based on that alone and go from there.

But with other OCs, especially those that don't represent charactera from mythology or fiction like many other characters in housamo do, there's like. Nowhere to start. We may see a face or some dialogue, but otherwise we don't have a frame of reference.

That's where a profile comes in!

Azazel-mun, I don't want to share all of the info about my character at once!

What if I don't know everything about my OC yet and want to figure it out along thw way?

The profile doesn't have to be super detailed! At most it shoule include things like the character's name and age and probably things like their location, profession, grade in school or place of work, etc., and anything you'd notice on the surface like their apperance. It's never a bad thing to include a description of their personality too, or a small section about their history/background. Little things that even you should probably know, too.

You can also section your profile off a bit into things like "surface info," "meta info," "things you could easily figure out about them," etc. That way, no one can spoil themself. Making lists like this can help you think these things through if you haven't already as well.

Let's use Azazel, a character that you probably know already, as an example here. I don't have a profile set

Name: Azazel

Species: Fallen Angel; Capra Therian - an anthropomorphic Goat (?)

Gender(pronouns): Male(he/him)

Age: difficult to calculate; several thousand years old?

Apperance age: hard to say, he's not human. Adult.

Origins: banished from his home world of Eden, has been in the human world for several thousand years

Profession: Priest of dubious denomination, most likely Catholic or Protestant; teacher at Daikanyama Academy; de facto head of the Missionaries Non-Profit charity Organization; supervisor of the Aoyama Missionaries

Role & Rule: Watcher; Revelation - allows him to see anything within the territory of the Aoyama Missionaries and anywhere the pages of his Artifact see

Apperance: Azazel is a 5'10"(180cm) tall, anthropomorphic goat of ambiguous breed, with fawn fur all over his body and lighter fur on his head and around his neck. He has brown, riged horns which curve out and back. Though his eyes are often closed, when opened they're red. He always carried around a leather bound bible with an eye on the cover, and is never seen without several chains on his person, although only the one(s) around his neck can be seen unless he's undressed.

He wears a black priest's cassock with a maroon sash and a capelet of the same color, with the same eye as on his bible on the shoulders of the cape, and brown dress shoes. The front of the robe is always open to expose his bare chest and the chains beneath.

Personality: Azazel is kind and doting, very fitting of both a teacher and priest, although his openly flirtatious, lustful, and secretive nature causes others to distrust him. He doesn't mind this at all. He has a strong adoration for humans, and values love in all of its forms more than anything. He's a bit of a passive person, often being unmotivated but working hard regardless, and seems to prefer to watch others and the world go by, although he won't decline most invitations to take part in it. He is always aware of anything that happens within the extensive territory of the Missionaries, and seems to know and see just about everything about anyone he meets, from their surface to their soul. . . .

If you know Azazel, or take note of some of the wording or question marks, you'll note I didn't explain everything(although I may have shared more than you want to.) This is just a bare bones exampe of how I do my profiles--but it can get even more bare!

I'll do two this time, a more vague version of Azazel's, and another that obscures information all together, using the same or a similar format to the above.

Name: Azazel

Species: anthropomorphic goat

Gender(pronouns): male (he/him)

Age: unquestionably an adult

Origins: Eden

Profession: Priest; teacher; head of a charity NPO; member of the Missionaries

Apperance: Horned goatman of slightly above average human height. Light brown fur, blond fur-hair, red eyes. Wears priest robes and a gold chain around his neck and chest. Carries around a bible with an eye on it?

Personality: Kind of eerie, but friendly and affectionate. A little flirtatious, especially towards humans. Seems to know everything about people for some reason?

Compare it to the one before--see how I've left even more things off or left things ambiguous while still sharing what's necessary or surface level? However, it's also not as engaging or as informative as the other one where I gave more information.

As someone who plays him, profiles like this aren't as helpful for me lol since he knows so much about everyone and everything, having a lot of details helps me play my character!

Now, as helpful as this is, this is also a character you probably know. So how about I do this with an OC? Normally I'm extremely detailed in my profiles and such, especially for OCs, sharing headcanons and ideas for relationships between characters. But, again, I'll try and show how you can show some info while leaving some up to people to ask about to later be filled in.

Name: Kezia

Faceclaim/Art Source: [this is where you would put where you get the art for any icons you use--if you draw it yourself, say so; if you use official art from a series, credit the name of the character and the series; if you use picrews, link the specific picrews. DO NOT USE ART YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PERMITTED TO USE. DO NOT STEAL ART. IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE CREDIT, ASK SOMEONE TO HELP YOU, DO NOT JUST SAY THAT IT ISN'T YOURS. DO NOT USE ART YOU HAVE NOT BEEN GIVEN PERMISSION TO USE OR THAT ISN'T FROM A SERIES OF SOME SORT.]

Species: Human

Gender(pronouns): Female (she/her)

Age: mid 20's~early 30's?

Apperance age: older than she looks?

Origins: Tokyo?

Profession: Professor; Witch

Apperance: A fidgety woman who looks older than she is. She looks anxious and confused as often as she looks curious and confident. Wavy light brown hair. Often carries around schoolbooks and is never alone, always with a Rattus Therian and often with a Nyarlathotep.

Personality: seemingly anxious, but curious and exploratative nonetheless. On the awkward side, but can still keep up with the Nyarls that accompany her. Gets into trouble when she gets ahead of herself in exploring and learning about the arcane, but her Rule allows her to disappear easily.

History: Has always been curious about magic and attempted to run through a Gate when they began to open up. Performed a summon and brought a certain transients to Tokyo and recieved her familiar and the magic to use her Rule as a result. Currently teaches at a college. She stumbled into a certain someone while attempting to explore time, and became a fan ever since.

That tells you a fair amount, doesn't it? Even for someone you don't know? It may even raise some questions that you could ask. At the same time, it doesn't tell you that much, and that can be as much of a hindrance for coming up with questions as saying too much can. It's really up to you what's too much and too little. Here's a more detailed version! Some things have been left vague or confusing in such a way that they could be filled in after being revealed through asks and play. That way, people are encouraged to/given ideas of what to ask--and you can still share things in the long run.

Name: Kezia

Faceclaim/Art Source: [N/A]

Species: Human

Gender(pronouns): Female (she/her)

Age: mid 20's~early 30's?

Apperance age: somewhere in her 30's, maybe even a little older

Origins: Tokyo, with some sort of connection to at least one other world

Profession: Professor of [?] at [?] Academy; Witch

Role & Rule: [?] & [?]

Artifact, Summon, Familiar?: Always accompanied by at least one Nyarlathotep and some sort of man-rat? She also carries around a book that's labeled as a Grimoire, but it's rare for someone to be both a summon-user and an Artifact-user. . . .

Apperance: A fidgety older woman wearing a labcoat and a witch's hat. She looks quite stressed and has trouble sitting still. Her ashy brown hair is thin and a little wavy, with some strands of gray. Although she often squints, she doesn't wear glasses. She carries around a lot of books relating to maths and sciences and one labeled 'Grimoire' decorated with arcane symbols from Gehenna and Old Ones. She's always accompanied by at least one Nyarlathotep and a very short, bearded man who can best be described as a brown rat therian with a human-like face. Sometimes there's a normal rat on her person or in her pockets.

Personality: Kezia is a fidgety and anxious magic practitioner. She's very curious about other worlds and has been since the Gates appeared in this Tokyo since she was a child, however she has been pursuing magic before then. She often appears somewhat confused about or fascenated by even her usual surroundings, but, at other times moves through the world with confidence even in unfamiliar territory. She also likes rats and other rodents, and as such will often avoid felines and birds of prey. She has a tendency to disappear, seeming to walk through walls despite assuredly being alive.

She's a little bit awkward with people, but somehow keeps up with Nyarlathoteps nonetheless. She's a good teacher, once she figures out how to explain things in ways others can understand easily, but can be a bit difficult to follow and flighty up until then. Aware of this, she's rather patient, if a little down on herself at times. However, she most often simply has her mind elsewhere. Despite this and the company she keeps, she's relatively sane. . .most of the time.

She shares a name with a witch from the world of Old Ones who made a pact with Nyarlathotep, believing him to be the Devil. . .and the ratman always at her side uses the same name as that witch's familiar as well. It's. . .probably just a coincidence. . .who would rightfully make a pact with Nyarlathotep?

History: Kezia is an adult human from this Tokyo before the apperance of the Gates and construction of the Walls. She's explored various witchcraft pursuits since she was a child, with what was originally a mere imaginative curiosity and fascination. After the arrival of the Gates when she was still young, she snuck over the fences built around one and attempted to go inside the massive pillar of light, which she attributes to the reason she often seems to struggle with her vision. Several years later, she performed a successful summon and she recieved her familiar, Brown Jenkin, transformed into a somewhat therian form from one of her pet rats, and was given some powers from Nyarlathotep. She has no discernable control over any of the chaotic creatures, however they seem to spend time around her regardless.

At present she's a professor of a subject that interests her at a certain college. She's had other dangerous run-ins due to her excitement over the arcane and "darker" arts, but doesn't seem to show any signs of stopping. However, after an incident in an attempt to explore time itself, she encountered a certain guardian of time and feels reluctant for once to explore it further. . .although she's become quite a big fan of his.

. . .i ran out of steam amd kinda lost track of where i was going. idk if that helped at all really. But maybe it did! I hope it did. You don't need to use any of those things exactly by any means, but that's the kind of thing you usually see in profile pages. Basics like someone's name and birthday and age and apperance and a little about their personality, maybe some history. Oftentimes things like powers and weapons and the like. Interests, hobbies, ways they could be intereacted with, etc. Just stuff that'd help you know the character.

I write everything in paragraph form, but everyone is more than welcome to use a more script format. I love making profiles, myself--it really helps to think about the character and details about them. Normally I make really, really detailed profiles, but maybe I'll try and be more simple about it this time around. depends on how i'm feeling.

I know this seems weirdly hypocritical given I don't have one but when I first made this blog there were like four of us including myself. I didn't see the need for a rules or profile page because I didn't anticipate that there'd be so many of us or, like, people from other fandoms or who aren't familiar with certain characters. I'll rectify that soon hopefully. But I figured I'd pass along this idea/knowledge to others.

. . .I'm gonna go reopen my askbox now. Feel free to send asks again, ask about this, etc! You can send me an IM too if you want. I'll properly close up the guest event tomorrow. I'm real tired rn lol so idk how much i'll get done, but i usually do things super late at night my time, so i have some time to pull my shit together haha))

[doctenwho]

Sad Truths

Hello! Thank you for the prompt! Not too heavy for me, but it did stump me for a couple days (as did Tumblr who didn’t tell me I had an ask until I opened the site on my desktop 4 days after recieving it). I tried my best, so hopefully it’s what you were looking for! Hope this finds you on a good day, and best wishes! :)

Warnings: Sort of depression, sadness, kidnapping (but not really).

Word Count: 3,797

Summary: Look at the prompt :3

**Gif is not mine, credit to the creator**

The Doctor was truly disgusted with himself. He couldn’t even believe he’d managed to lose his companion on a strange, unknown planet. He’d lost her on a planet that he didn’t even know very well. He’d promised to keep her safe, and now he’d gone and lost her.

He’d really thought she was behind him, and it had taken just a second too long to notice that (Y/N)’s usual chatter turned silence only meant that she was no longer behind him. A second too long.

He’d turned to unlock a door with his sonic screwdriver, been turned away for maybe five seconds and now she was lost somewhere in this old abandoned building with who knows who.  

It was a series of trial and error trying to find his companion in the building—there was really no way for him to know where she’d gone, or where she had been taken. So, he had to look everywhere, quite literally.  

And, just like how things usually played out, she was in the last remaining room he looked in.

She was tied to a chair, gaze down.  

He thought she was unconscious, since she didn’t look at him—hadn't made any movement as he slowly pushed the door open. It almost pained him to see his usually so happy companion tied to a chair, looking so... so despondent.

“(Y/N),” he whispered, distraught with what he saw. It took three strides to be across the room and kneeling beside her. The Doctor lifted his hand to catch under her chin, pulling her face up, only to see her eyes open. “What’ve they done to you?”

Any and all light that was usually clouding her eyes was gone. Wiped away leaving... an empty shell. Looking in her eyes, he couldn’t seem to find his cheerful companion there. She was conscious, awake. Alive. But it wasn’t (Y/N). It wasn’t the (Y/N) he knew.  

“I don’t know,” you replied, voice monotone. “I... I don’t know what they’ve done.”

“It’s alright,” the Doctor swallowed, hands moving from your face to start untying the knots holding your wrists to the chair you were sat in, “it’s alright. You’ll be alright, right?”

“I'm... not sure.”

The Doctor couldn’t for the life of him seem to figure out what they’d done to his companion. They’d obviously done something. This was not the person he’d spent all his time with for the past however long you’d been travelling with him.  

It made a rock form in his stomach, because this was you. But it wasn’t all the same. Something was wrong. They’d done something to you, but he couldn’t off the top of his head determine what.

“I’ve got you,” the Doctor continued on in hopes of dragging you from whatever depth you were in by verbally leading you out, “you will be okay, I’ve got you.”

He finally managed to untie the knots on both your wrists, but instead of you jumping up, and onto him like he’d hoped you would’ve, you slumped into your chair, chin dropping to your chest and legs all but crumbling under you.  

If you hadn’t still been sitting, the Doctor was sure you would’ve flopped right down to the floor.  

His hand shot out to grab you the second he saw you sinking towards the floor, and his heart hammered in his chest as he watched you crumble. He never wanted to see this—not to anyone, and certainly not to a companion he’d grown to love.

“I’ll get you out of here. We’ll get out of here, and we’ll leave this planet.”

The man had stood, arranging you on the chair so he could look around the room for a moment in hopes of finding anything that could help him piece together what had happened. Anything that could be a clue, or possible things they could’ve done to you, or given you.

You said nothing where you sat. Barely moved. You wanted to watch the Doctor, to follow him around the room and see what he was doing, but there was a bigger, stronger part of you that felt like it had zero energy. The stronger part of you was uninterested with it, couldn’t be bothered to care.  

It was a feeling you weren’t unfamiliar with, but it was strange that you... couldn’t cover it up now.  

Off to the other side of the room was a table cluttered with a bunch of stuff. Syringes, vials of liquids, bottles of medications. Someone had been planning this. Or something of the sorts.  

The Doctor read through the labels on the medications quickly, studied the vials and thought hard about what could possibly going through your system.  

Right of the bat, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The medications were universal. Not belonging to one single place, but instead reaching far across the universe. Some even reaching as far as the earth you were from. Most were familiar, the Doctor had seen them before. Know what they were for, knew symptoms of taking them.

The vials however, were like nothing the Doctor had seen. Not in this galaxy, nor the next. Some blend of... everything. But he couldn’t know what until he was back at the TARDIS. The TARDIS would be able to break these down, but just looking at them, he couldn’t be sure.

And trying them himself was out of the question. Not when he could see something on this table had changed his companion so drastically.  

He needed to get you to safety. Whoever had taken you could be back any moment. And that really wasn’t something he wanted to deal with right now. Not when he was sure if whoever had taken his companion showed their face, he probably wouldn’t be able to stop himself from killing them for touching his companion.  

The Doctor swiped all the vials and medication bottles towards himself, shoving them in his jacket pockets two at a time. They clinked against each other, but he was quite sure nothing would break. It wasn’t measly earth glass; these bottles were designed to be able to withstand spaceships launching and coming in and out of orbit, as well as beings with intense strength.  

With everything hidden away in his pockets, he moved towards you. Kneeling in front of you and drawing your hazy attention in by cupping your cheeks and directing your attention onto him.  

“Can you move?”

“I’m so tired,” you whispered, eyelids drooping and head slipping forwards. The Doctor’s hands slipped a bit down your cheeks to hold you more securely by the sides of your jaw instead of your cheeks. “I can move.”

“I’m sorry this has happened,” the Doctor murmured softly, slowly pulling you to your feet, “I’m so, so sorry, (Y/N).” The Doctor wrapped his arm around your shoulders to secure you, and his other hand came over to grab your arm that was pressing against him to help balance you even more.  

“It’s not your fault,” you answered him, pressing into his side in exhaustion. You’d barely taken two steps, but you couldn’t seem to manage to pull yourself out of this state like you were usually capable of.  

“I should’ve been paying closer attention,” the Doctor snarled, more to himself than to you. “I shouldn’t’ve allowed them to take you. I should’ve... Do you remember anything?”

“They... put their hand over my mouth. Dragged me away from you. I couldn’t breathe,” you recalled honestly, “then they... brought me to that room... tied me up.”

“Good, very good, (Y/N),” the Doctor praised softly, “anything else?”

“They filled a syringe with... something, and injected it in my neck. It burned.”

“I’m so sorry,” the Doctor repeated, mentally kicking himself for allowing that to happen to you. “Do you remember which vial they filled the syringe with?”

“Orange,” you blurted. You’d never usually tell the Doctor everything as openly as you just had. You didn’t want him to be worried about you, not when there were so many other things for him to take into consideration. “It was the orange one.”

“Good,” the Doctor breathed, “you’re a brilliantly clever girl, (Y/N). I don’t know what they’ve done to you, but I will figure it out. I promise you.”

It took a while, but the Doctor was able to lead you out of the building. He saw no signs of anyone else in the building, which only added more questions to the already growing list. There were so many unknowns about this.  

But he was going to get to the bottom of this, and he was going to cure you if it was the last thing he did.

When the two of you reached the TARDIS, the first things the Doctor did was settled you on the seat in the console room. He wished that there were seatbelts, but, well, seatbelts were pretty useless when the two of you were usually standing.  

He wanted to get you up and away from this planet before he got into figuring out what they’d done to you. He needed you to be somewhere safe, where he wasn't afraid someone would burst through the doors and threaten to take you away.  

He needed the two of you to be somewhere safe, so he could focus wholeheartedly on returning you to your usual self. He needed to focus, and he couldn’t very well do that when the two of you were still on that dreadful planet.  

The Doctor managed to stabilize the TARDIS in orbit, safe up in space where nothing could get to you unless they’d placed some sort of tracker and could fly a ship incredibly well, which, going off the equipment he’d seen on the planet, was highly unlikely.  

When the Doctor turned to you, he was surprised to see you still seated on the chair. You hadn’t... cheered up at all, but you were still sitting straight up, which was a win in the Doctor’s books. As bad as it sounded, in the state you were in, he’d expected you to hit the floor on the relatively swerve-y parts of the flight.  

“Are you holding up?” the Doctor asked from across the room, glancing back at you as he unloaded his pockets. Dropping bottle after bottle on a table off to the side of the room.

“’suppose so,” you mumbled, not bothering to draw your attention up towards him.

The Doctor really didn’t know what to think about this situation. You seemed fine. You were answering questions perfectly well. You were conscious and responsive. When prompted you spoke, but you were still tired and woozy, and the Doctor wouldn’t trust you on your own feet at this point.

They’d done something to you, but it was so weird and like nothing he’d ever seen before.  

The man got to work right after checking in on you. The TARDIS, much like K9, could analyze samples of things. Could break down the components and list off everything.  

The TARDIS was able to delve deeper into things. Possible outcomes and symptoms of each component after being administered to a person, names of concoctions people had developed, how things varied between humans and other life forms the Doctor and the TARDIS had come across in their travels.  

Basically, his TARDIS was a genius, and the Doctor loved her very much. Like Doctor, like TARDIS.

The Doctor located the orange vial first, as his companion had mentioned it, and only it.  

It was viscous, much like cough syrup down on earth. That would’ve been why it burned entering (Y/N)’s blood stream. It was thick, unlike the blood circulating her systems. Only an idiot would inject something thick like that into someone’s body.

The Doctor dipped his finger into the syrup, then smelt it hesitantly. It didn’t smell. Maybe it had a bit of a sweet twinge to it, but overall, it was odorless.  

The man dabbed the finger he’d dipped in the vial onto the sensor the TARDIS offered, and then the TARDIS was calculating. It could take anywhere from a few second to ten minutes, so the man stepped back to read through everything else he’d swiped off the table in more depth.

Nothing more could be solved by reading alone. Everything that was labelled he knew of, and none of it would do anything like was being done to his companion. And the vials were all homemade. None had labels. None lists ingredients. He’d need to run them all through the TARDIS to know what they were.  

“I don’t understand,” the Doctor sighed from where he was leaning against the wall by the TARDIS screen. He’d been watching you since he grew bored of finding nothing on any of the bottles a few minutes prior. “This doesn’t make sense; I don’t know how to help you.”

“You can’t,” you responded emotionlessly.  

“I can,” the Doctor promised, “I just don’t know how... the TARDIS will give me what I need to know, and then I can help you. I will help you.”

“You can’t,” you repeated, almost pleading with the Doctor.

The man didn’t bother trying to refute you this time, instead just turned his head away from you to stare off to the other side of the room. He couldn’t understand why you were so adamant that he couldn’t help you—not when he believed he could. He knew he could help you. Whatever had happened, he was going to fix it.  

It was three minutes later that the results popped up on the TARDIS screen. The Doctor threw himself at the console, leaning into it and almost nose to nose with the screen as his eyes swept over the information.  

There was a lot of components to whatever the orange vial was. Five prominent, ten background and three fillers. Some of the components were medications off the table, other unknown, and a few, the Doctor was sure were the contents of the other vials.  

But the most prominent component...

“It’s a truth serum,” the Doctor breathed, blinking at the screen before slowly looking towards you. “But it can’t be...”

The longer the Doctor looked at the list of ingredients, the more he saw truth serum. Everything in that list had something related to truth serum. Maybe not directly, but underlying at least. It wasn’t just truth serum you’d been given; it was incredibly strong truth serum.  

No place sold truth serum. It was almost taboo to make, outlawed across a solid percent of the universe. People were incredibly frightened at the thought of losing their will to keep secrets. The Doctor had only come across truth serums a handful of times in his long life.  

But looking at you, he couldn’t see truth serum. Maybe when you gave a response to questions he asked he could, but just looking at you, it looked as if they’d kept you awake for days, worn you down over time—but you’d only been gone for a half an hour tops before he’d found you. You looked tired, and sad, and the Doctor wasn’t sure where to go from here.  

“A truth serum wouldn't... something’s not right. You’re not the same... there’s something more than a truth serum-- (Y/N), it doesn’t... it doesn't make sense.” The Doctor drew a hand through his hair, pulling it up and making it stand up at odd angles.  

He didn’t know what to say, and that was rare. He always had something to say—not always appropriate for the situation at hand, and sometimes even rude, but here and now, he didn’t what to say. He didn’t know how to help you.  

The two of you were silent for a while, the Doctor lost deep in thought, trying and failing to come up with any way to help you. To bring back his companion. He was going over formulas in his head, giving every single medication, or chemical on the table his complete attention.  

And he didn’t look up until you spoke, voice soft and uncertain. You hadn’t spoken unless being prompted first since he’d found you, so the Doctor’s attention instantly fell on you.

“Sometimes I think I was born with a leak,” you whispered just loud enough for the Doctor to hear. You were bearing your heart to him, and you really weren’t sure if it was the truth serum or your own free will at this point, “I think any goodness I started with just... slowly leaked out of me and it’s all gone now.”

“No, you can’t say that,” the Doctor pleaded, standing and moving towards you swiftly, “you’re brilliant. You’re so good. You’re one of the best beings I’ve ever come to know-”

“I’ll never get it back in me.” You spoke over the Doctor without meaning too. You barely heard a word he said, too lost in your own head, “no matter how hard I try, I’ll never get it back. It’s all gone.”

“It’s not,” the Doctor promised, taking your hands into his own and squeezing them. He wasn’t sure if that was to comfort you, or himself. This was breaking his heart. “You’re alright, I’ll... we can fix it. We can get it back. You’re very good, we can... we’ll find you some good—you're good for me.”

“I was broken long before I met you,” you mumbled, sounding tired, “you can’t fix it.”

“But you’re... you’re so happy, and you’re cheerful. You’re always smiling, I love that smile. I don’t understand, (Y/N). Really, I don’t. You’re... you’ve never been broken before. You’ve never been not good--”

“I fake it,” you admit, “it’s a charade. I pretend. I pretend for you.”

“You... you pretend?”

“Not always,” you shook you head with a frown, “but a lot of the time. I want to be the companion you need. I’m not that companion, so I pretend to be.”

The Doctor didn’t know how to feel. Deep down he related to it. To what his companion was putting into words. He really did. And that’s something he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy.  

Since losing his whole planet and being angry at the universe, and himself, he knew exactly what she was talking about. The despair, and the heartbreak, and the feeling that nothing would ever be right. The anger and the conscious effort he needed to make the right choice, to not fall into a pit of... emotions.  

It was a bit better now that he’d had a couple hundred years to stew on it, but when he was younger, he wasn’t who he is today. He never had something to drag him out of it. To talk him away from whatever it was he’d done.  

Losing Gallifrey had sucked that good out of him.  

But he’d been getting it back. With the help of his companions. From Rose, and Martha, and Donna, and now (Y/N), who’d been nothing but the angel on his shoulder guiding him along. She was the good in him. She brought it out in him, reminded him of who he was now.

There were still times when he found himself resorting back to who he had been, but then he looks over and he sees her face—her smile and he always makes the right choice for her sake.  

It broke his heart that she was going through this too. That she felt like she did, even when he knew it wasn’t true. He’d never met a kinder, gooder, companion in all his years, and he hated that she couldn’t see it.  

The Doctor reached up to rub at his own eyes, only to find wetness. He was crying. He tried not to make a habit of crying in front of his companions, but he really couldn’t help himself.  

He’d never been so sad over something one of his companions had said. He’d never thought one of his companions could be as troubled as he is. And that he hadn’t even known.

(Y/N) had hidden this-- had covered it with a smile and he’d been none the wiser. She’d been suffering and he hadn’t even noticed. He felt like a terrible person. He thought he knew his companions well, but he clearly didn’t.

“You’re a great person, (Y/N),” the Doctor sniffled, drawing in your attention. “I don’t think I’ve ever found a companion as good as you, and I probably never will.”

You looked up from your lap, frowning hard as you studied the Doctor. You were starting to come out the truth serum, you thought, so your energy was returning. You still couldn’t manage to put on your façade of okay-ness, but you could at least sit up and speak without needing to be prompted. The Doctor had tears rolling down his cheeks, attention focused on you.  

“You’re crying,” you mumbled in surprise. You’d never really seen the Doctor cry, so it was quite a shock.

“I am,” the Doctor agreed with a sad laugh, “the truth serum they gave you was so strong you can’t be bothered to put up a front. Your body refused to fake being happy because it was a lie, and it’s taken this for me to see that you’re suffering.”

You didn’t know what to say as the Doctor wiped his face with his hands. He pushed a hand up his face, only to run it back through his hair again. He sighed heavily before giving you a tiny, still saddened smile, “I think I’ve been rubbing off on you. You’re far too much like me... But for your sake, I hope we’re never the same. You’re so much better than I am, (Y/N). You’re so, so good.”

“I’m not,” you whispered.  

“But you are,” the Doctor assure, reaching up to place his hands on your cheeks again, “I promise you are. And I’ll help you find that good. You might not feel like you’ve got any goodness left, but you really, really do. I see it every time I look at you. Every time I see that smile of yours—the real one, not the pretend one.”

You managed a small, real smile, nuzzling into the Doctor’s hands. You lifted your own hands to wipe away the tear tracks on his cheeks before pulling him into you by wrapping your arms around his neck. He was quick to let go of your face and return the embrace, setting his cheek on the top of your head as you nuzzled into his chest.

“You promise, huh?”

“I do. You’re my companion, and I’ll always take care of you until the day you decide you no longer want to stay with me. Maybe you can’t see the good I see, but you will someday, and I’ll be here with you until then, alright?”

“Of course, Doctor.”

<><><><>

When reading the prompt I thought about reader being depressed, but hiding the fact from the Doctor right off the bat, not sure if that was what you were going for, and if not, feel free to prompt me again with more details to help me understand what you’re looking for :)

Once again, thanks for the prompt, and anyone reading, feel free to leave one of your own you want me to write! All appreciated!

[myhoneststudyblr]

something crazy just happened...

i started this blog a year and a half ago and i honestly never imagined i would reach 100 followers let alone 15k!!! so i want to thank you ALL for being so lovely, welcoming and supportive - whenever i come on to tumblr, the studyblr community never fails to make me smile

this studyblr has been such an important journey for me and since i’ve made it i’ve grown as a person and as a student. it has taught me so much, from good study habits and self-care tips, to even some things about who i am as a person!

since i’ve created this blog and particularly in the past few months I've had the honour to meet and get to know some truly incredible people and i want to tag some people who i love and im so thankful to for being so kind: 

(you should all go follow their blogs if you haven’t already)

(btw it is probably gonna be quite long cause i have so much to say about these incredible people!!! sorry but im not really sorry XD)

@redlitmusbluelitmus MIA!!! i have already told you so many times how glad i am that you are my friend but i am going to do it again right here cause i can!! you are quite possibly the nicest, funniest and supportive people i have ever had the pleasure to meet. we haven't known each other for that long but in that time you quickly became an amazing friend and we have always just *got* each other!!! 💕💕💕

@study-van yasemin - our first conversation was pretty much a car crash and every one since has made me laugh and look like a proper idiot cause im usually just staring at my phone! i’ve followed your blog for so long and i’m so proud of all the amazing things you are doing and i’m so glad to have you as a friend after so stalking your blog for so long 💕

@museeofmoon zainab!!! we’ve known each other only for a short time now but our friendship was pretty much immediate!!! our conversations are filled with emojis, emoticons, capitals letters and XDs and i wouldn’t have it any other way!!!!! your posts are works of art and i will forever stan them <3

@headgirlstudy Ellie - discovering your blog was one of the best things to come out of my 2020 quarantine challenge cause you have this incredible style and simple beauty to your posts that i just can’t get enough of! i’ve loved having our fangirl conversations about taylor swift and all her incredible songs! you probably don’t know this but one of those conversations took place when i was feeling very low but discussing all the songs with you lifted me up so much so thank you xxx

@jeonchemstudy DAPHNE!!! if i ever create a bujo, i want it to look like yours because honestly, i don't understand how you managed to create such beauty!! we are interested in such similar things and it’s been so cool to find a fellow Gallagher girl lover (i was so shook when i found out you loved the books cause i usually feel very alone in my loved of them XD) and someone who is obsessed with last week tonight as me!!! x

@bulletnotestudies sabrina... you are just incredible and such a joyful person!!! i will always remember you messaging me when i posted that i was stressed about an exxay exam and your message was the last thing i saw before doing it and honestly if gave me such a boost! you’re positivity and supportiveness blows me away and i want many many more conversations with you xxx

@lattesandlearning laura - you were one of the most dedicated posters throughout the quarantine challenge and i loved seeing each and every one of your posts! i’m so glad to be following your journey and seeing what you’ve accomplished even in the short amount of time that I've known you <3

@upside-down-uni mo!!! another incredibly dedicated poster in the quarantine challenge and one that i always specifically looked out for! you and your blog have truly opened my eyes to other experiences and educated me more than you know just from your responses and posts! i always see that you like my posts and even on my dumb little text posts you often reply and it always makes me smile! i’m so glad that you’ve created this officially studyblr and thankful to you for making the community even more colourful 🌈

@coffeeandpies pat, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again but you are the basically the third person that i followed in the studyblr community and to think that we’ve actually had conversations and we are friends and mutuals is downright crazy to me because you are imo just one of those iconic blogs!!! you are a beautiful person inside and out and your text posts are hilarious and tell the best stories. thank you so much for being so lovely <3

@coralstudiies you were the first person ever to really message me on tumblr and i remember being so shook because i think your blog is just mind blowingingly incredible! every picture of your notes looks like a work of art and i don’t know how you manage to make them look so perfect!!!

@problematicprocrastinator beth, you are a pillar of positivity in this community and your supportiveness and openness is at a level that i aspire to! your morning messages are usually the first thing i see (at least when i still was going to school on the bus every morning before all of the corona stuff) and it always gave me a little boost for the day! you are an incredible writer and your dedication to supporting everyone in this community is amazing <3 (also your blog name is probably the best one i’ve ever seen and i’m so jealous ngl)

i could wax lyrical about every studyblr i know but this post is getting really long so here are more of my favourites (just know that if you are in this list i have a little monologue about how amazing you are in my head and i appreciate you so much 💕💕💕)

@chazza-studies-alevels @stuhde @captainofstudies @sosiaalitieteet @elleandhermione @mid-afternoon-tea @athenastudying @learning-to-think @serendistudy @philology-studies @rivkahstudies @emili-a-a @nabasynth @divinity-study @cals-desk @abbieestudia @studywithprincess @studybuddiesareoverrated @casual-minimalist @stu-dna @coffe-in-cup @adelinestudiess @intellectys @eintsein @einstetic

there are so so many more that could be added to this list and i’m sure i’ve forgotten people!! basically i ADORE every single person in this community and i’ve loved getting to know all of you and i hope i’ll be able to meet more people in the next few years 💕💕💕

Now here’s the blograte celebration!!!

I did a blogrates for 10k followers but i enjoyed it so much and it was a while ago now that i want to do it again with all you amazing people!!!

Rules

Must be following me although new followers are welcome too!

Must be a studyblr or at least mostly (cause I want to find some more studyblrs to follow)

Reblog this post

Send me an ask : in the ask begin with your favourite emoji so I know it is a blog rate then tell me a funny story! 

Please don’t send anons - if your studyblr is a side blog just tell me this in the ask

Please let me know what you tag your original content with (specifically if it is not in your bio) 

Please be kind and patient! i am very busy this summer with lots of work as well as running my Summer Studying Challenge so it may take me a little while to do it but hopefully, i’ll get it done as fast as possible

I will be doing these blogrates until Wednesday 22nd July 

Format

URL | not my style | I kinda get it | awwww | I’m loving this! | how did you even come up with this masterpiece!?!??! |

Icon | what is it? | nice | aesthetic™️ | *heart eyes* | I WANT IT NOW THIS IS SO GORGEOUS |

Mobile theme | eh | nice | good | amazing | aesthetic af |

Desktop theme | default | nice | good | amazing | give me the code pls |

Following | no sorry, but you’re still amazing! | I am now omg! | how could I not?!?!! | forever and always ❤️ |

Original content | couldn’t find any :( | nice | great | well done! | I LOVE! | ABSOLUTE GOALS!!! |

i will be tagging my blograte posts with #myhoneststudyblr15k if you wanna blacklist them so your dash doesn’t get filled up!!

Thank you everyone!! <3

[pynkhues]

So i sent a similar ask to megan because i love peoples thoughts on their own fics and i love snippets soooooo👀 I’m curious what your top five moments in the c&c verse are (which have already happened) and top 5 moments you’re looking forward too?!☺️

Ahhh, thank you! This was such a fun one, haha. It got looooong, so I put it behind a cut! [edit: sorry, the cut doesn’t seem to be working on desktop, but it is on phone? tumblr’s being tumblr! Hopefully it fixes soon?].

Top Five Moments in C&C

1. Annie argues with Beth about the security system in I Could Be Your Welcome. 

This was actually one of the first moments I wrote in the C&C ‘verse. I can’t remember the exact context around me writing it, but I remember being interested in Beth’s lack of self-preservation / tendency to ignore danger, and had been thinking a lot about what that would look like in an actual relationship with Rio. It sort of manifested in the thread of Rio buying this expensive security system throughout I Could Be Your Welcome and becomes a bit symbolic of the fact that Beth hasn’t really unpacked any of the realities at that point on what a relationship with a man like Rio means. 

Beth is such a stubborn character at the best of times, haha, that I knew I wanted her to dig her heels in on it, and I wanted it to culminate in a fight, and I just loved the idea of Annie being the unlikely voice of reason, and how that reason fell out of how much she loves and worries about Beth. 

Here’s my favourite part: 

-

“Yeah, and you need to talk to him about that. But he’s not Dean,” Annie interrupts. “Dean lied for Dean. Dean lied to cover up all the ways he shit the bed, and he shit the bed on like, every level. Comforter, sheets, mattress protector, mattress. Bed frame. Floor underneath. I mean, was there a single inch of your marital bed that wasn’t brown by the end of it all?”

Beth gives Annie a look at that, and Annie laughs to herself, waving soapy arms out and letting the suds drift to the floor.

“With Rio, I think he was - -” and her voice cracks then, her bottom lip wobbling, and she looks briefly away, trying to pull herself together. It takes her a minute to collect herself, to figure out what it is that she wants to say, and when she does, her voice is somehow both raw and firm.

“You’re asking me to be mad that he’s trying to keep you safe, and that’s never going to be something that makes me mad.”

It takes Annie a moment to meet her gaze again, and when she does, her jaw is fixed, even as her lip still wobbles, a tear – blackened with mascara – having stolen down her cheek, catching at the curve of her nose, and - -

And just - -

Dammit.

2. Rio realising why Jane’s upset in Two Hands. 

One of the things I find most fun in writing the early days of the C&C ‘verse, is that Beth and Rio flat out do not communicate still, hahaha, and they really just threw themselves into this family without fully knowing what that meant. 

Two Hands was very much about that, and in particular about the fact that Rio, in the early days of their relationship, treated Beth’s kids ultimately as extensions of Beth. Two Hands for me marks this turning point in the timeline where he started to really think of each of them as their own people, and consciously commits to building individual relationships with each of them. 

Also I love writing Jane, haha. Here’s my fave bit: 

- 

“It’s not always like this,” he says, and Jane looks up at him, and there are too many expressions that pass over her round little face – disbelief and childish frustration until it finally settles on somethin’ else, somethin’ softer, less certain, somethin’ he ain’t seen on her face, at least not somethin’ he’s seen directed at him.  

“You didn’t say bye,” she says finally, her voice small, and Rio exhales, annoyed. 

“I did, darlin’,” because he did. Shit, got to fight about it with Elizabeth and leave Marcus red faced and weepy, made sure of that, but then - -  

He looks at Jane and any self-righteousness dies on his tongue.

“Not to you though, huh?” he says softly, and Jane shuffles back into his arm, presses her forehead into his chest, out of sight, the nozzle of the sippy cup sucked into her mouth like a bottle, keeps herself looking away from him, and Rio exhales. He looks down at his bruised hands, then at her feet, where the booties of her onesie hang limply down the side of the couch, her feet lost somewhere in the legs of the thing, the hood of it hangin’ so far down her face it almost covers her eyes, and he reaches up to tug it back, just enough he can see her.  

“’m sorry. Think maybe I’m still gettin’ used to this,” he says, because he hadn’t said goodbye to any of Elizabeth’s kids. Had trusted her to do it for him, had treated them like they were just a part of her, but - -

They ain’t.

They’re - -

Well.

Fuck.

Jane looks up at him, her eyes a little glassy and just - - he ain’t sure what that is, the feelin’ in his gut, hollowing itself out. “Can you be the first one I say hey to instead?”  

She makes a show of turnin’ it over, her squirming against his chest and drinkin’ that goddamn awful drink he’s made her, but then she nods, and Rio tugs on one of her rabbit ears.  

“Hey, Jane,” he says quietly. “You been good for your mama while I been gone?”  

And she grins a little at that, shakes her head into his chest again, giggling before she can stop herself, and Rio smiles too, but rolls his eyes.  

3. Rio’s non-proposal in Stick to the Rivers 

I’m weirdly into the thought of Dean getting married a million times after he and Beth finally divorce. I think Dean’s just affable and charming and goofy enough to trick women into thinking he’s a good guy, and I kind of love the idea that it results in this string of short-term disaster relationships that parallel to the longterm stability and true partnership Beth finds with Rio in C&C. 

It’s something I’m definitely going to be exploring in future chapters, but it was really fun to start to in Stick to the Rivers, where Dean tells the kids he’s engaged and Beth and Rio are left to deal with the fallout. I also love the idea of Beth and Rio floating concepts with each other as jokes, even when they mean them seriously, haha, which is how this moment happened: 

-

“Thought you ain’t sayin’ nothin’,” Beth says, imitating his voice, and Rio exhales sharply, squinting down at her in that irritated way that he does whenever she imitates him.

“I ain’t,” he says, gritting his teeth, and Beth arches an eyebrow up at him. “But that dumbass ex o’ yours - - ”

“Is getting married,” Beth replies, refocusing her gaze on the ceiling, and at least that’s enough to make Rio be quiet. It was a dirty trick, and she thinks they both know it, but still - - she just didn’t have it in her for Rio to tell her what she already knew, to have to justify (again) her inaction when it came to Dean.

Rio sighs above her, and she can feel him trying to catch her gaze, but she keeps it fixed steadily on the ceiling, briefly wishing for cracks or cobwebs or anything beyond the pristine surface there to distract herself, only something must distract her, because she doesn’t realise Rio’s undressed or even moved at all until he’s nudging her forwards and slipping into the bath behind her. He pulls her gently back against his chest.

“You’re surprised,” she tells him softly, letting her head loll back onto Rio’s shoulder, her eyes slip shut, feeling his hands stroke down her arms, one coming back up to cup her breast.

“Surprised he managed to trick another woman into gettin’ saddled with his ass, sure,” he replies easily, and Beth huffs out a laugh, beyond the point of being offended by anything Rio says about her and Dean’s marriage.

“You wanna beat him down the aisle?”

And just - - what?

Beth’s eyes snap back open, and she spins a little in the water to look at him, and it’s unfair, the mirth in his eyes, but also the - - something. She can’t quite read it, god, still can’t quite ever know him fluently, so she just squints at him.  

4. The whole of Louder Now, Help Me Out 

We’re extremely lucky in this fandom to have so many writers who are genuinely SO funny (including you!!), and I am not one of them, hahaha. I always feel like I tend to be a bit clunky when I try to write jokes, but occasionally I think I pull it off, and the installment where Marcus, Jane and Emma ask Beth about sex is one I’m pretty proud of. It still makes me grin when I read it, haha. 

-

“Miss Elizabeth, do you and my daddy have sex?”

Somewhere inside, Beth can hear Kenny and Danny playing video games, can hear lunch gently simmering in the crockpot, can hear the faintest whir of the washing machine working through its cycle. Which is nice, she thinks blankly, her smile not shifting as she tries to process what Marcus has just said to her. She can’t quite look at Ruby, who even out of the corner of her eye she can see has her mouth hanging open, and she definitely can’t look at Annie, even if she does see her drop heavily back down into her chair (doesn’t even have to know for sure to know that she’s grinning).

Beth clears her throat, softening her gaze.

“Who told you that?” she asks, and beside him, Jane shrugs, a suspicious look on her face.

“Lucas Bircher. He said he saw his daddy naked and he put his penis inside his mommy’s butt and then his daddy told him that that was sex and it was how they made babies.”

“Not if it’s in her butt,” Ruby says quietly, taking a sip of her coffee when Beth spins around to glare at her. She drops her mouth open, planning to tell the kids what, she’s not sure, when Jane continues:

“But then we asked Kenny, and Kenny said growed-ups have sex because it’s fun and that you and Mr Rio do it all the time.”

5. Beth finds Rio with Marcus comes home after a bad job in Friar’s Lantern. 

Angst though is something I think I write well, haha, and particularly crime-y angst. Friar’s Lantern is a story I was really excited to write, particularly in exploring the dynamic between Beth and Marcus, and the history of Rio and Laura. I liked the idea that Rio and Laura care about each other deeply, but that she was never in crime, and that she hit a breaking point with it in a way that made her really demand that Rio hide a part of himself from her. 

In a lot of ways, Friar’s Lantern was about Beth doing the opposite, and demanding that he share himself instead. I wanted to parallel the moment a bit with the dubby too – with parenthood being central to both Beth and Rio’s vulnerabilities and something that has often lead to shifts in their dynamic – so Marcus’ teddy bear formed a really fun device in that sense. Also the image of a bloodied and bruised Rio bringing his son his stuffed animal was just the right sort of angst for me that day, hahaha.

-

His eyebrow split open, blood trickling from the skin there, down his temple. It looks like he’s swiped it back, once, twice, maybe three times, the blood smeared and dried, caking in his hair. There’s a deep bruise at his jaw, a deep, wide cut at his lip, like he was punched by somebody wearing a ring, and Beth’s gaze travels down him, only to have to swallow a gasp at the blood soaking through his shirt.

He watches her watch him, then says:

“Not all of its mine,” like it’s supposed to make her feel any better about it, and she hates that it does, because god, it’s selfish. She doesn’t want any of it to be his. It can all be the other guy’s. She wants it to be. She can’t summon the words to say anything – barely knows what to, and Rio suddenly jerks his head away from her, looking back at Marcus, and Beth exhales a breath she didn’t know she was holding to have his wounds out of sight again, however briefly.

“I won’t be long,” he says, eyes still on Marcus. “Just droppin’ Otis off, yeah?”

And - - what? Beth blinks, steps closer before she can help herself.  

“Where are you going?” she asks, and Rio doesn’t pull his eyes away from Marcus, and Beth just - - stops. A foot or so away from him, and here she can see the blood’s thickest at the arm of his shirt, darkening the navy fabric, and it still looks wet, like maybe it’s still bleeding.

“Got a hotel.”

Beth tears her gaze away from his arm at that, looks up at him, watches him watch Marcus, and god, his jaw is already swelling.

“Why?”

And that’s enough to make him look back at her. Beth wets her lips, feels herself tremble, steps forward again, and when she touches his arm he flinches back like he’s been burned.

Top Five Moments I’m Looking Forward to in C&C

1. Finally writing the housewarming in See You in the Light. There will be drama! Beth will try to run away! Rio might break something! (And we all know how that usually ends, hahaha).

2. Beth and Rio getting married. I never, ever thought I’d write them getting married in any ‘verse, but once I realised the plot for it, it’s been stuck in my head. I have a pretty strong outline for the fic overall, so it’s definitely coming!

3. Another thing I never thought I’d write in this particular fandom was a pregnancy scare fic. I got a lot of C&C prompts for it though, and it’s actually teased out a pretty angsty installment in my head where they do have a scare and it makes them actually have to talk about what that looks like. In it, Beth confirms she doesn’t want anymore children, and Rio reveals that he would’ve liked one with Beth, but that he’d figured that it wasn’t on the cards. It ends up being a pretty bittersweet story where they’re both happy with what they have, but wonder what could’ve been, and what a child who was both of theirs might’ve been like. 

4. On a much lighter note, I’ve had a ‘five things’ fic for ages which is actually just a time-jump fic with Beth and Rio teaching each of the five kids to drive, haha. It’s ridiculous, but hopefully pretty fun. 

5. And there are a lot more too, but to bring this full circle, haha, there is an installment coming where Rio’s away for business, and, um. The security system is actually used. Think Panic Room vibes. 

put “top 5” anything in my ask and i will answer ok go

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphires 92

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Title & Song: Love Her Madly

Summary:  Alfie and Genevieve sign a contract together. Alfie finds a nostalgic turn to the air between them as they negotiate with less than professional means. They whisper about their future together, but it seems others have much louder opinions about it they want to be heard.

Warnings/Tags: FLUFF. Sexual Content. Negotiations. Old Enemies, New Problems. 

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.) Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT!

Everyone around them noticed the change. The sway to Alfie's stride was a strong strut, masculine as he headed to breakfast every morning. His laugh loud and brash, his threats sharp and cutting, an air of confidence and content reigned in the home and all who lived there felt it.

Genevieve was a soft wave of femininity, hair and face pressed and painted, dresses now modest and structured, not giving away so much of her flesh when she was working. Her strong calves and still scared but bejeweled forearms were the only skin shown besides her face. She was in control, pointed and severe for the world, and happily soft and kind to those she deemed worthy of it. She would hold Alfie's chin to grab his attention. The only soul who dared to do so. His whiskers would bristle as she kissed him and wished him a productive day, saying quietly to him that she loved him. She spoke only loud enough for him to hear, but anyone with the gift of sight could see it between them.

Alfie was softer at home now, finding his way directly to his bride to be every evening. She was still hard outside the bedroom to the gaze of any eyes but his own. But her glimmer was back when they would allow their sighs to escape as they pressed against one another in the sanctuary of their bedroom. He didn’t mind the harshness. He rather enjoyed her directness, in fact. Which is why when she showed up to his office for a meeting in an oddly familiar dress, he was more than surprised. It was clear quickly from her body language, there was a shift in her attitude. Her eyes were dark and sultry in a way he hadn’t seen in many moons. There was a playful young thing waiting to come out behind a closed door and he was happy to oblige.

“Is this my noon appointment?” Alfie rhetorically asks, eyeing her from tip to tail as she stood outside his office. She was in something he’d only seen her wear once and had never expected to see again. She looked at no one but him as she posed in jewels that shone even in the dim dusty warehouse. A flimsy polka dot dress with her matching accessories, cut at the knee and far tighter around the bust and waist than he recalled. The buttons strained against her breasts and he pretended not to notice.

“Well uh... yes.” Ollie answers confused at the way they were looking at one another. “It’s Miss Durand.”

“I know it is Ollie ya fuckin' knob. Learn to read a room.” He points an easily agitated and ink-stained finger his way. “Go read the papers while I work out this contract. Make yourself useful.”

“Yes, sir.” He shuffled off defeated.

“Don’t be too hard on the man, not everyone can speak without conversation as we can.” Gen soothes with soft words after Ollie rounds a corner.

“He needs to fuckin' learn.” Alfie muttered and turned to enter his office. “Got the contracts drawn up.” He announced with a boom of importance, followed with a hum or worrying lips as she shuts the door behind her. The mood set as the door clicks is thick, unchanged in the time that had passed since it's inception. A power struggle of business laced with the nostalgia of sexual tension unexplored.

“Straight to business Mr. Solomons. I appreciate that in a man.” She praised as she took her glasses that match his own out of her handbag to place them on her straight nose both gingerly and with a flare of drama. As was her way.

He squinted his eyes, her behaving as if she wasn’t being even mildly suspicious. “Yeah…” he groaned out, and drank in any sign of her possible tells. “Here it is... Miss Durand.” He tapped a ringed finger to the parchment pushed across his desk. “But you can call me Alfie if ya like.” A smile she had seen behind that desk over a year ago awaits her as she meets his confident gaze. Reservation with an undertone of wild possibility sat behind his blue eyes. Same as the first time, she didn’t know if she should shoot him or fuck him.

She smiled with a coy crooked raise of her lip, “Then you may call me Genevieve.” Her breathy response reached his pink-tipped ears. He picked up on her game and the twinkle in her eye as he leaned back in his chair to observe her with his trademark intrusive stare. She had sorely missed having a partner she could play with.

“S’all there. Give it a read. My lawyers made it legitimate.” He studied her as she did just that and is pleasantly surprised when her expression remained unmoved. She truly had been working on her stone face.

“Of course.” She dismissed his instruction with a curt tone as she began. She expected a joke, to be honest. For him to create a negotiation, be that tough bastard and toy with her a bit. But alas, there was a surprise in the words but it wasn’t a joke. “I come here with cheeky intentions and you do this to me?” She inquired, a subtle smirk ghosted across his face at her accusations.

“It’s a binding, legal contract Miss Durand. I’m not sure what you aren’t finding up to your, understandably, high standards.” His words were fast and even.

“I know you make no mistakes in writing these up and this is not one.” She states to assure herself, shaking her head and pressing forward. “Are you quite serious?” She spoke quietly after finding his face unmoved.

“I don’t joke wif business, you should know 'is.” He lowered his chin and gave her an almost cocky brow for having gotten the drop on her.

“A percentage of profits from the items that require my goods?” She paused as she met his inquisitive stare as she rose from her seat. “And the inclusion of my name into the business as a shareholder.” She states, leaving one finger on the paper that now rested lopsided on the desk. She wouldn’t forget the giving terms and she didn’t have to look to recall them.

“Thought it was fair.” A shrug is given in response, his seat creaked as he shifted his weight back.

“It is.” She nodded with narrowed eyes and a curious face.“You’re writing me into your business?” She clarified.

“All legal and bindin’.” He reiterated with a nod and open hands.

“I’d be a beneficiary?”

“Are ya confused Miss Durand? With your circular questions? Doesn’t suit you if ya don’t mind me sayin’.”

“Are you quite serious?” She rose and began a slow walk to his side of the desk, her expression only giving away the confusion and not her intention for the growing closeness.

“Repetitive questions are very telling of the state of shock your in.” He smirked. “I don’t fuck about with me money, love, I’m entirely serious.”

“I am shocked.” She nodded confidently. “ I am woman enough to admit it.”

“Consider it a merger.” He offered as he watched her move closer. A slinking cat in her tight dress. “A partnership.”

“Beyond betrothal?” She stopped and rested her hip against his side of the desk.

“The first gift of many.” He added with a shake of his head and a sweep of his hands. “It’s simple. You’ve given me a lot of goods. I believe you’d be a good fit for helpin’ me out with the bakery, let me focus on the tracks. I won’t have to oversee it if I know you’re handling it.” He spoke with his usual brash bite as he did with business while she stood with crossed arms and a thoughtful composition.

“I’ve never ran a bakery before.” She submitted as her eyes moved about the room.

“You know as much as any baker I’ve got. The rest, the girls can teach ya. You know the best ingredients in the city and how to get them for the best price. It’ll only be beneficial to both of us if you’re up for it. And it is my belief that you are. It wouldn’t be a time suck. Couple times a week, mark the problems, do the books, send it to me to finalize.” He moved his hand toward the contract as he explained.

He watched the acceptance move across her face. He knew she’d find it more than fair and hoped she’d see the sentiment behind it. “You really want to write me in like this?” Her voice a shade softer than before.

“Course. Why the fuck not? You’re the best businesswoman I know.” He stated obviously. “Why buy from outside sources that aren’t as good when I have you right here?” He motioned with his hands to her body and gave her a supportive nod.

“Flattery Mr. Solomons.” She gave him a much softer smile.

“It’s gotten me far.” he nodded, a smile only she could sense invitingly resting on his full lips.

She gave him a brief up and down, work clothes with their usual dusty and billowy nature against his body in recline. She moved to take the pen from the desk and positioned herself between his legs, bending over in front of him and signing the contract with her signature feminine flair.

“Now 'is is….” He stared at her round arse draped in soft fabric. “Less than professional acceptance.” He groaned out with his underlying playful tone obvious to her.

“Do you mind if I respond in a way that’s unprofessional?” she asked as she restedd her hands on the desktop and let him gawk.

“I’d prefer it.” he grunted with a raised brow.

“How long did you have this meeting down for Mr. Solomons?” She asked as she took her hair down and he felt his nostrils flare as he saw her feminine proportions modeled so closely to his itching hands.

“Half an hour.”

“I think we can work within that don’t you?” She gave a smirk he could not see but turned to reveal a thoroughly amused expression looking down at him.

“I’ll work wif any time frame ya got for is love.” He almost growls, putting his hands on her waist to gives it a squeeze.

She slides her fingers, intertwined with his as she tugs him gently closer, moving his hands to her bum. “I think for something like this a little celebration is in order.” Her tone is confident as she moves a heeled foot up onto the arm of his chair, her flared skirt only teasing him with her stocking covered knee.

“Ya know I love celebratin' a good deal.” He responds with hands that slide from her cheeks to her thighs and rest there with a soft back and forth.

“Is this how you would’ve preferred our first negotiation to have gone?” She asked with a tilt of her head, looking innocent enough but the buttons on her top strained as she leaned back onto the desk.

“THAT'S where I know ‘is dress from, yeah?” He nodded with enthusiasm.

“It is.” She answers slowly and rubs her fingers through the longer bits of hair at the crown of his head.

“Don’t remember it being quite this tight last time.” He teased, both his hands move to cup her heavy breasts in the light linen fabric.

“Oh, piss off.” She jabs and ruffles his hair with a playful shake of his head.

“That is NOT a complaint. Lemme make that perfectly fuckin' clear.” He squeezes and plays, hands rubbing up her ribs to give the girls a good solid wobble.

“Crystal.” She hums and accepts the pawing grip at her body. “I thought it fit to wear this to have a bit of fun, living in sin before we’re married. I can be the newcomer Genevieve Durand, and you are the well established and infamous Alfie Solomons.”

“Again, not a complaint…” He begins with a more serious brow. “But where did this come from? Ya’ve been so serious as of late, pet.”

“Thought some reminiscing might be timely and nice. A touch of cheeky indulgence in the middle of the day for us both?” Her fingers keep stroking his head, scratching his beard as he enjoys the feeling of her soft hands doting on him. “Perhaps a nice escape? I get to play a role, and so do you, act out what we both wanted deep down the first time around?”

“And what exactly is it that you want to do to me Miss Durand?” His eyes were issuing a challenge and she was woman enough to answer.

“I think to get a proper feel for your taste for the Abeille Company you should try some of my honey from the source.” Her voice was breathy and soft, fingers slowly pulling up the hem of her dress and showing him her inner thigh as his hands ran up along the backside of them. “I’d also like a demonstration of just how talented that wicked mouth of yours is. I’ve heard you’re such a cunning linguist, Mr. Solomons.” She rests back on her hands and lets his hands explore her soft thighs, fingers tracing the upper binding of her stockings as she looks down at him proudly for her cheeky words.

“I ‘ave been told I have a gift for it. I’d love to give ya a demonstration. Only makes sense we share our skill sets yeah?” He places a single kiss to her bent knee and sighs at the contact. It was good to be reminded that she could, in fact, have fun and be a bit childish. When it was appropriate and with her Alfie love of course.

“I did have the funniest feeling in the pit of my stomach while bartering with you.” His nose ruffles up her skirt like a curious pup, making his way to her silk knickers. “Similar to the one I’m having now.” She smiles and keeps her hand on his head, feeling his soft dark gingery hair run between her fingers. She feels his warm mouth press against her silk-covered center, comforting and arousing all the same.

“Let me see ya love. Gonna wanna remember ‘is.” He speaks quietly but she feels the grit of his need in his voice as it vibrates off her lips. With confident hands, he pulls down her knickers and pushes her knees apart to sit her back on the desk. With a peppering of eager kisses, he reveals her soft pink center by pushing her skirt back over her hips. He says nothing, a bitten lip and dark eyes speaking enough as his fingertips trace and tease her. He plucks the buttons from her top half to reveal more full body in rounds of waves as each moves her breasts closer to release. A show begins for her, a man enamored worshipping at the altar of his love. Mouthfuls of her weighted and now freed tits reverberate as he moans into her flesh. His thumb swipes over her clit, a slickness already aiding him from her own impatience.

He feels her relax and soften beneath his touch. Something she’d been more easily achieving every time they were intimate now, which was becoming a very welcome habit at night for Alfie's heart, but not so much his knees. It was mostly hands and mouths, him taking the lead and pleasing his betrothed how he believed a man should. Her tendency to allow him to lead her through it and lay back and take whatever he gave made her behavior this afternoon particularly surprising.

With his plush lips nestled between her thick and soft ones, attached and lapping, nursing away at her clit her hands hold his head. She scratches up his back, messing up his hair as he works away at her with small nods of his head as she held her knees wide apart for him. She gets to watch him work at her, tongue as pink as her folds and showing its expertise in making her feel good. The shades in the glass widows give them more privacy but the dust in the air makes the sepia light filter through dimly. Making the red in his hair more prominent as she enjoys fussing with it. “I don’t know if you’re a better negotiator or lover, Alfie.” She exhales with shut eyes and a panting mouth.

Although he could exist just fine without it, he did love hearing the praise from someone’s who’s opinion he held in the highest of esteem.

“That wicked, wicked tongue.” She mewled, he groaned and held fast to her thighs. “That tongue has won me over time and time again, Solomons.” Her head falling back as her hands grip into his messy crown of hair. “But I'd like to seal this negotiation with my favorite instrument of yours.” He grunts in amusement as he looks up at her with boyishly eager eyes.

“Would that be me mind?” He asks as he wipes his beard on her inner thighs with messy kisses.

“You’ve already charmed me with your cleverness darling now let me charm you in that throne of yours.” She pushes his shoulder back with her heel and he happily obeys. He leans back, hips pushed out in his relaxed position as she moves to her knees slowly.

“Ah fuck sweetie ya ain’t gotta-“

“It’s been too long, Cheri.” The dark upward turn of her eyes and her low deep tone were enough to stop him as she palmed him through his trousers, moving with a subtle smirk to free him. “Let me remember what a handful you are Mr. Solomons.” She speaks as if conducting business still, taking his rapidly hardening cock into her hands with loose and doting strokes. “Your reputation precedes you.” She coos and kisses his leaking tip. “Heard Alfie Solomons was hard to handle, biggest bollocks of any man in London. Hard. Head… strong.” She leaves another lingering kiss, lips ghosting over the underside of him. “May I present my offer for these negotiations Mr. Solomons?” She was toying with him and the playfulness in her eyes he welcomed. It’d been so long since he’d seen it.

“Yes, please do.” He moans, pushing back a curtain of black hair from her face. “Show me what you’re bringin' to the deal, love.” He rasps out as she takes him into her mouth. A feeling of fullness and closeness she’d missed floods her. The control was a delightful rush as his hands stayed on his chair arms and she worked him with both of hers. The swears begin, the familiar tension in her neck and the moans of exertion and enjoyment all fall back into place. She might’ve been the one on her knees, but it was clearly Alfie who was the one losing control. With a familiar twitch in his veins against her sensitive lips she pulls off him, a quick and precise swish of hair to the side with a hiked up skirt catches him off guard.

“Time for your counteroffer Solomons.” A wicked smile on her face as she slowly jerks and lowers herself onto him, a position of power as she straddled him in the chair. With hands to his shoulders, tits out and in his face, she felt that rush. Oh, to have control again. It made her sigh and swoon, his hands on her, his mouth serving her eagerly. She had a gangster at her beck and call and he was a pup while buried side her, licking and whimpering and eager to please all the same.

“Fuck me, love.” He whispers against heavy pendulous tits that bounce in his face as her thighs burn with the less than familiar use. He forgets the game as she pulls his head back by his hair and uses him. His hands find her hips as she grinds against him.

Genevieve felt her orgasm building, bodies full of friction giving her what she needed, realizing how much she’d missed taking him for a ride, having him beneath her like this. “Fuck, I missed this.” She lets out in an almost whine, hips and chest soft and rippling. “Fuck, I missed you.” She moans out and lowers her head back down to create a small bubble of privacy of her now waist-length hair around them. With her breathing heavy, she pants against his forehead, his hands large and encasing her back as she takes back her power in her old way. There were no bad thoughts as they moaned together, no bad feelings as she felt him fill and stretch her, only deep fondness for the man that could bring this out in her. “I do love your mind... and that filthy mouth... but… your cock should never be undersold.” She lets out a huff of laughter as she wipes her hair from her face, an inner glow of happiness he sees peak through.

Her cheeks flushed pink. Her hair loose and wild with her feminine and full body working itself against his willing one. She looked youthful and content, like he’d seen her after a run in a field of flowers, the lavender smell in the air just the same. “Yours now, Genny.” He manages to get out and she hums at his sentimentality in the midst of play. He knew what she needed, what could power her or drain her and he always delivered with his observant nature. “Brilliant woman like you… knows when she’s got it dunnit she?”

“Yes.” She nods and holds his face. “Your mine Alfie Solomons. Mine. Tell me.”

“Yours, signed in black and white.” She lets our a rolling laugh, a flip of hair and a smile full of teeth as she lets out a school girl squeal and bounces again on him. “Fuckin' hell love ya gonna finish me quick with this lovely little cunt yeah? Been too long I can’t take a ride like 'is like I used to.”

“I’m close Alfie, just… fuck me.” She pleads and he gets to hear crass words from her for the first time in so long. It makes his stomach twitch and his balls tighten. “Give me what I want.”

He takes hold of her hips and makes her grind against him. A play to have her come and give him an extra minute or two of this lusty angel on his lap. “You want it, it’s yours. Long as you’re mine you get what you want yeah?” He grunts through clenched teeth.

“I want you, Alfie.” She moans helplessly, his hand moving her more now than her own hips as they grow weak and stiff for the impending orgasm. “Don’t waste a drop, Solomons, finish inside me. Want every bit of you to be mine.” She lets out without much thought, just hungry for him and the intimacy of abandon she could only feel with him. No one else could make her this way, this safe and secure and loved to let her be free like this. It was an addictive feeling of connectivity that she’d never known before.

“Ya gonna fuckin' get it love, fuck.” He tries to hold back as he feels her tightening around him. A high pitch pant that calls out to every masculine cell of him comes from her swollen lips. As he watches in wonderment of her chest heaving and face becoming so transparent in her feelings as only he can cause, she gasps and begins to shake. “Like fuckin heaven you are yeah?” He kisses her sternum as she tremors and her hips stay steady and grinding, feeling her heartbeat under his lips as she whimpered out his name, only loud enough for him to hear. Her body tenses and swells, a wet mess of both of them on the insides of her thighs as she held his face and kissed him, hips slow and indulgent as they rocked onto his. His hands held her, two calloused palms on each arse cheek, kneading her like the bread he sold upstairs.

“Fuck.” She sighs against his lips as they cool off, a shiver as sweat begins to dry and their hearts slow. “I needed that.” She admits with a relaxed smile.

“Is that how we do deals now?” He asked with a serious face and she lightly slaps him and chuckles.

“Im a fan of it as a business model.” She answers and kisses his forehead as she smooths back his sweaty and fussed hair.

“It’s a good model for adding more Solomons' to the business.” He chuckles as she adjusts his shirt.

“More Solomons'?”

“Yeah, you’re a smart bird ya know staying in like 'is after… keepin' all me in ya like is.” He moves his hands up to her breasts then to her stomach as he speaks. “Recipe for making babies, innit?”

“Ah.” She says with a now knowing nod. “Perhaps.” A coy reply as she raises off him and begins buttoning her top back into place.

“Perhaps?” He scoffs. “Pretty sure there’s only one way to make the little buggers, love.” is his playful answer.

“I know that.” She rolls her eyes. “I just mean... okay? Perhaps as in... if it does… it does?” She shrugs a shoulder casually. “We are to be married soon anyway. Not like having a baby right after marriage is an uncommon sort of thing.”

“It’s not.” He answers simply as he groans and stands, cleaning himself up and shaking out his legs. “Just making sure we’re both on the same page.” He pulls her back in and pushes her hair behind her shoulders. “Didn’t know if you was ready for it yet is all.”

“I am.” She answers softly. “Have been, truly. Not a secret that I wanted to be a mum.”

“True.” He nods. “Ya know I only want to make sure ya doing well. Telling me these sorts of things. No small decision.”

“I think you’re a fine candidate to be a father. Protective, good listener…”

“A fan of full-bodied women with tits that could smother me.” He adds in with a mumble.

It does what he wants and makes her laugh. “They’re going to get so big Alfie. My word. Will I even be able to walk or just topple over?” She teases back.

“I’ll be a proper husband and I’ll hold em up for ya love. Least I can do really.” He offers with a shrug as he cups her chest and feels it move with her laughter.

“After all, you’ll have done it to me.”

“Fuckin' right, love. Wanna watch this belly swell up with me and watch you and the babe grow. Knowing it’s mine… you’re mine… does things to a man.”

“Does things to a woman too.” She smirks. “I want a strong husband to rub my aching feet and rub me down in all my roundness with oils.”

“Oh you won’t keep me hands off that fat arse of yours.” She scoffs and hits his chest and he acts offended. “What? A mum's supposed to have a big bum love! You’re already lookin' like a proper mum with these tits and child bearin' hips. Am I supposed to lie?”

“YES!” She laughs and shoved him and he grabs her back gently and kisses her cheek.

“Ya gorgeous, love.” He offers more sincerely. “And being the greedy bastard I am, the more of you there is the more I get all to meself.”

“There’s that charming tongue again. What a fool I am for it.” She rolls her eyes and sighs, feeling swept away in his charm like a young girl.

“And thank fuck for that.” He says genuinely as he gives ticking kisses to her neck and ears with his whiskers. “What else has an old fucker like me got going for him?” He taunts.

“This meeting was only for half an hour and I’m afraid there’s not enough time left for me to cover them all.” She says with pouting lips that were only a bit patronizing.

He opens his mouth and side-eyes her and gives her a groan. “Oh ya little-C’mere.” He growls and squeezes her tight as she lets out laughs and sighs at his childish behavior. But the break in all seriousness is truly what she needed, a service he provided exclusively for her.

As their lives always do, everything around them keeps moving even as they take small moments to be still and get lost in one another. They part, new contract signed and not being the only thing to remind them of this joining for the day. Besides at the bat mitzvah, there had been no formal announcement of their official coupling. Word traveled fast for people like them, so they figured there was no point in making a fuss about it. The news quickly spread and there were the concerned glances from women who did not know the true Genevieve when she was asked about the truth of the rumors. Alfie, however, was praised for his luck and getting a wealthy and pretty woman, the only insinuation dared in the men’s eyes who mentioned it being of he was sure he wanted to settle.

After an afternoon of business and personal errands, Genevieve arrives in a cheerful mood back home. After their encounter in the early part of the day, it wasn’t entirely uncharacteristic of Alfie to send her flowers, since her abduction he had made it a point to be softer and more affectionate with her in the same ways.

“There was no sender.” Claire proclaimed as she looks up from her papers in her hands, feet tucked under her in the large chair.

“When did they arrive?”

“Before tea.”

“Curious.” Genevieve whispers.

“How so?”

“I hadn’t had my appointment with Alfie yet.” She answers.

“Are they from him? Thought they could’ve been celebratory for the engagement.”

“Normally I would agree... but Alfie always sends cards and a congratulatory sending should have one as well.”

“An oversight perhaps?” Claire shrugs.

“Hmmmm.” Gen hummed. “Hyacinth’s though…” She shook her head. “Very curious choice for such a thing.” She chewed her lip and studied the bouquet. “And in yellow.”

“Forgive my ignorance of the poetic meanings of flora but should that mean something?”

“Means fuckin jealousy.” Alfie answers with a box in his arms as he comes in, all broad in his hat and coat. He sits an opened box onto the table next to the flowers.

“So you didn’t send them?” Gen affirms and he lets out an annoyed sigh.

“No, love I did not.”

“Jealousy?” Claire asks now sitting up and paying attention.

“I got this fuckin' lot of rubbish today as well.” He knocks the box with his hand. Genevieve leans forward and sees a butcher's block of knives.

“An early wedding gift?” Alfie could hear the sarcasm in her voice as she purses her lips.

“Would seem so, yeah?”

“Yellow hyacinth's. ..knives as a wedding present.” Gen chewed a nail with narrowed eyes.

“A knife? Who sends fucking knives? Is it a threat?” Claire asks with growing concern for the quiet non-verbal conversation between Alfie and Genevieve happening in front of her.

“Knives are symbolic. As a wedding gift they are said to bring bad luck and cut the couple apart.” Gen explained.

“In that case it could only be… oh, ANYONE in the city who doesn’t want you together.” Claire groans and slumps at the new obstacle announcing itself.

“Load of superstitious cunts.” Alfie gruffs out and knocks the flowers with the back of his hand.

“I believe we find ourselves once again in agreement.” Gen says with an apologetic and sad smile to Alfie who only stares angrily at the flowers. The pair on the lad to send these to her. He wishes he’d killed him when he had the chance.

“You two might be but who the fuck is daft enough to send something so outright rude and aggressive to you?” Claire demands.

“Stupid fucker.” Alfie shakes his head in annoyance. He knew he’d come back to show his fuck ugly face again. The mad apples never fall far from the tree.

“I believe our former associates the Greeks, or rather Niko, is my guess, has just let us know what he thinks of our engagement,” Gen answers her finally after reaching out to pluck a petal off the stacked flowers and study it. “And he is not happy.”

Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT!

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[citrineghost]

A Letter to WordPress

Dear WordPress,

Tumblr has been around for a good while now and many of us have been here since the beginning (or close to it). It’s become something of a comfort and a home base for many. You can understand then why it’s so terrifying and tension-setting when a new owner comes around.

This website has been through a lot of changes, very few of them good in recent years. I want to open up a dialogue from the user base about our feelings and desires surrounding this site, because to so many of us, not only its design and function, but its success and future are a big deal.

Obviously not all of the things I list below will be universal opinions, but I’ll try to outline some of the things I’ve seen the majority of users want. I’ll also throw in some things that are more personal, because I can’t claim to know everything the rest of the users want, but I can tell you where I see obvious problems.

First and foremost, here’s an obvious one. You can’t really go anywhere on Tumblr without knowing: we want the bots and the nazis gone. We need some kind of captcha system for every time someone wants to include a hyperlink in a post or response. Until the staff count gets higher, I would honestly suggest closing down the report system for everything but bots, nazis, and death threats/suicide bait.

Make NSFW content welcome again. Outside of porn bots, the pervasiveness of NSFW content is slim to none. As long as minors and those with ‘NSFW’ blacklisted aren’t seeing the NSFW content, there’s nothing wrong with it being here. A large number of the people posting NSFW content on here are artists who use this content to make a living on commissions. The ban has done nothing but make valuable members of the Tumblr community leave and take their art elsewhere. The focus should be cracking down on anyone who isn’t properly tagging NSFW content with ‘NSFW’. If the focus is put on that, the problem with NSFW content will be null.

Please keep Tumblr unintegrated with other social media. Most users will agree, the anonymity is such a huge part of what draws us to Tumblr. Other people only know what we tell them and it’s very appealing for our real life accounts (e.g. Google, Facebook, etc.) to be completely separate. When users want to share links to other accounts, they can do so easily with links on their blogs.

Replace ads with either, better, more sensible ads or members content. A large part of the ads on Tumblr make absolutely zero sense just by looking at them. Not to mention, they’re all completely unfit for the user base. I’ve seen weight-loss ads (harmful to the many people on the site recovering from eating disorders) and ads for products most people wouldn’t need or want until their forties. Most of the user base is 13-35, if I had to guess. I can tell you right now, you would make more money and the user base would be much happier if ads were removed in favor of members content. Adding a paid membership that allows users to gain access to new features (rather than restricting what’s already here) would be a huge boost in morale and company income. Use that income to improve the site. Don’t get comfortable making more than the bare minimum in profit until the website is functioning reasonably well. Hint: it’s not right now.

Keep the base functions of Tumblr. Don’t try and get radical, hoping big changes will excite the community. They won’t. We’re creatures of habit and we just want memes, fandom, and relatable nonsense. Keep reblogging, replies, customizable blogs, tags, and likes functionally the same.

Be receptive to bug reports and post change logs so that the community knows that they’re being addressed and fixed.

These are the obvious pleas of the community. Please keep in mind that the heart of Tumblr is in its users and if you ostracize us, there will be nothing left. We love this website and we want to see it thrive as much as anyone. We just don’t want to sacrifice the spirit of the community in the process.

Read more under the cut if you want to see some more of my own personal suggestions. I’d love for other users to sound off in the replies with whether they agree with any of the pleas or suggestions and also give their own!

Okay, so, here are some personal opinions that are by no means the voice of the community. I think they’re pretty sensible, but what do I know?

Change back the color. I hate this saturated navy color and I’m pretty sure a lot of others do too. I’m part of the disabled community and I know and have seen people saying that these extremely contrasted colors that were added are making their Tumblr experience worse. It gives people headaches due to light sensitivity and, frankly, it’s ugly. If you’d like to cater to those who are visually impaired/colorblind, that’s fantastic! Do so with an account setting that turns on higher contrast mode or adds patterns to things to make them distinguishable.

Add an option to blog suggestions and posts that have shown up on your dash from followed tags that says “Stop Suggesting This.” I’ve been suggested a number of blogs that I’m not interested in following. I don’t want to block the user, but I do want some different suggestions and for those blogs to stop showing up in suggestions. I’m also tired of seeing the same post twenty times from a tag I follow. There is currently an option that says “This particular posts sucks.” While I think that was a great attempt at catering to the community, I don’t want to use it because my intuition says that there’s a negative connotation. Does me saying the post sucks make it show up less for other people? Does it lose popularity? I can’t tell. The only thing I know is that I don’t want to say that a good post sucks just to make it quit showing up on my dash.

Implement some of the features that XKit uses. I would bet at least a quarter, if not more, of Tumblr users use XKit to make using Tumblr less painful. That shouldn’t be the case. Tumblr should have these functionality options available in dashboard settings.

A very hot take here that many might disagree with: Make notes viewable more like mobile has them. As it is, it’s hard to tell which ones I’ve seen on desktop. It can be tricky on mobile too, honestly, but it’s easier than on desktop. I would also heavily suggest making the unseen notifications darker so that they stand out and making a button to indicate that you’ve seen them.

Keep the dash, messages, notes, and profile as separate processes similar to how mobile has it. The trek all the way down the damn dashboard is a long one. I want to be able to see notes and messages in full size without losing my dash progress. When I switch back I want to be right where I was. I understand if this one isn’t possible or practical. It was just something I like about mobile over desktop but I’m aware that they’re two different beasts with different capabilities.

As far as the aforementioned members features, I do have some ideas, but I can’t guarantee they’re the best the user base has to offer. I’m sure others could think of better. Anyway, some things I’ve thought of are groups/clubs, digital currency, and separate dashboards. So, as it stands, You can have multiple blogs on one account. People can follow them separately. That’s fantastic. What would also be nice though, is being allowed to make separate dashboards. This would probably take up another chunk of server space, so I understand if it isn’t feasible right now, but I would jot it down. The ability to separate shitposts, aesthetic imagery, fandom content, and NSFW would be amazing. If you follow a huge number of blogs, like me, you could even make a friends dash so that you don’t miss your friends’ posts. It would just be a matter of allowing people to add and name their new dashboards. Then, when they go to follow people, it prompts them to choose what dash their content goes to. You could even simplify it by making the follow button default to the main dash, but adding a little dropdown arrow beside it. You could then choose which dash to add them to from a list. Below are some bad paint-drawn concept drawings.

Anyway, I hope this has all been helpful in some way. I’m fairly certain that WordPress will never actually read this, but it was cathartic to write and I hope it will be cathartic for someone else to read.

Sincerely, birb-ghost

[talpup]

Crossroads: 4

Summary: Loss will make a person do terrible things they never thought themselves capable of doing. Things like wanting the mobsters responsible for your little brothers death to pay so badly you’ll summon a Demon to make it happen.

Maya did just that, but little did she know that the Demon would ask for her soul as the price. Or that when she refused give it to him, he would put her in the path of someone possibly much worse.

Kai is offering to help her but what he wants is so much more than her soul. He wants her everything.

Please remember, this fic is rated explicit and has warnings of sex, violence, and other possible triggers.  For a full list of story tags please check the fics AO3 (link to that at the top of my tumblrs homepage).

SORRY for the delay.  I recently started re-working and posting Lost Song, a fic that has beasts, spirits, and sprites with human forms. And focuses on a love triangle between Sphinx!Aizawa, Dragon!Kai, and Reader/OC.

*A bit of a reminder.  This is a 1920's au.  Though the term Mysophobia was coined back in 1879 there were a lot of things that people wrongly thought about it and how to best help those suffering from it.

4.1

Soon after he had sent Hari to follow Maya, Kai had ordered the severed head removed and his entire office scrubbed down.  Though he hadn’t touched the filth himself, he had the overwhelming need to get clean. Hives already starting to break out on his skin by the time he had reached his rooms, undressed, and started the shower.

Stepping out of the steamy bathroom, skin raw and red but feeling fresh and invigorated, Kai moved over to the wardrobe.  White towel wrapped around his waist, he looked over the tailored suits. It was silly.  Though he always took care of his appearance, he never really fussed over what to wear.  But he was now.

Maya had left him.  And though she would be coming back never to leave again, he wanted to do everything in his power to make sure she willingly stayed and accepted him.  Small as it was, part of that included how he appeared to her.  He reached out almost grabbing one of his finer suits but stopped.  What if dressing up wasn’t the answer but dressing down?  Maya, for all her beauty and intelligence, wasn’t a city girl.  She was from a wholesome country place.  It was one of the many things he first liked about her. What if a perfectly fitted, expensive suit wasn’t the answer and only made her feel uncomfortable rather than special?

Decided. Kai dressed, did one more important thing, and then made his way back to his office.  He passed the maid on his way in. “Everything cleaned?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Kai sniffed.  Even with the ornate plague mask the smell of harsh cleaner burned his nostrils and soothed him. “Did they tell you to pay special attention to the desk?”

“Yes, Sir.  I did just as Mister Shin instructed and went over the desk four times.”

Kai frowned.  The head had been on a platter.  It had never touched his desk. It was unreasonable to want an entirely new desk when the filth had never touched the wooden surface.

His mother's voice echoed in his ears. ‘It’s just a phase, Kai.  Quit being so difficult!  The doctor said covering you in the thing you hate will help.  No one is going to tolerate this peculiarity of yours.  No one will love you with it. Just be a good, normal boy and get over this already.’

Banishing the memory, Kai ordered. “Go over it again.”

Accustomed to and slightly afraid of her employer the Maid didn’t question or argue, simply turning around and doing as he commanded.

Kai sat on the sofa while she worked.  The very same sofa Maya had sat in.  He found himself comforted by that thought.  Somehow feeling closer to her despite her current absence. He had to get her back.  Hari would see she was brought back no matter what.  Though he hoped Maya came willingly.  It would be so much easier and pleasant for them both if she were willing.

When the Maid was finally done, Kai sat at his desk.  He felt a slight itch at first, but pushed the feeling down.  He had seen the woman clean the desk.  He didn’t need a new one.  The head had never even touched the desk.  As time worn on he was better able to ignore the itchy feeling until it was completely forgotten, his mind totally focused on his work.

“Kai.” Shin stopped at his Leader’s open office door.  He blinked, eyes widening for a fraction of a second before regaining his composure.  He had never seen his Boss so dressed down, rarely even seeing Kai with his suit jacket slipped off.  It was strange, disconcerting even.  Like seeing his favorite club dancer out of costume and on the street in regular clothes.

“What is it?”  Kai questioned, lifting his eyes from the orders he was writing.

Shin cleared his throat. “They’re back.  Hari’s pulling up the drive.”

Thrilled as he was, Kai didn’t show it.  Capping the fountain pen, he set it down on the desktop.

He got to his feet, exchanging his plague mask for the less sinister dust mask that would put Maya more at ease. His gloved hand moved to straighten his tie then remembered he wasn’t wearing one.  “Order me a new desk.”

“Of course.  What would you like me to do with that one?”  Shin questioned.

Kai passed the man, eager to greet Maya at the door. “Burn it.  Take it down below.  I don’t care.  Just so long as it’s gone by morning. It’s filthy.

“Yes, Boss.”  Shin nodded, coveting eyes fixed on the massive desk, wondering if it would fit in his corner station down below.

4.2

Hari put the car in park.  He hadn’t spoken to Maya the entire trip. And was thankful she hadn’t spoken to him.  What he had seen.  Her speaking to no one as he secretly followed her down the road to her house.  He had seen breaks of madness before but that…  He knew if he had to tell Kai.  What would the Boss say?  What would his Boss do? Was Kai so consumed with Maya that he would keep her?  Try to fix her?

Stepping out of the automobile, he went around and opened the door for Maya.  Numbly, she stepped out.

Hari grimaced at the state of her.  Stockings torn.  Shoes and dressed covered in filth from having walked the dirt road.  There were dried tear tracks marring her pretty face.  And her eyes were red and puffy from crying.  She was a mess.

Kai swung the front door open.  Glad as he was to have her back, he hadn’t planned on greeting her too warmly. Maya had hurt him.  Her ungratefulness at his gift, her venomous words, and running off the way she had should have see her receive a well deserved lesson.  But all his hurt and ire fell away the moment he saw her. She was so dirty.  Looked so broken and small.

Without hesitation, Kai rushed to over wrapping her in a protective embrace. “Sweetheart!  I’m so glad you’re back.  You never should have left.”

He could feel his skin begin to itch from being in contact with someone so dirty.  But this was Maya.  His sweet, beloved Darling. His concern for her overrode everything else.  He pulled back, gloved hands smoothing over her mussed hair.  She was such a mess!  What had happened to his beloved?  Why hadn’t Hari taken better care of her?

Sharp gold eyes fixed on his Lieutenant.

For a moment Hari could've sworn that Kai’s stern eyes glowed.  He swallowed, under his Boss’ angry, accusing stare.

Kai turned away. He would deal with Hari later.  Right now Maya needed him.

“Sir--” Hari was about to tell Kai about what he presumed to be Maya’s mental break when his Boss scooped the filthy woman up into his arms.  Hugging her in her state had been a surprise enough.  But picking her up… He fell silent deciding to wait till morning.  That was if Kai didn’t realize for himself before that.

“You’re home, my Sweet.  I got you.”  Kai murmured, caring her into the house and up the stairs.

Entering his quarters, he made straight for the bathroom, setting her down.

“Maya.” Kai pulled off the dust mask and gloves.  “Look at me, Darling.”

Maya simply stared at the penny title floor.  It wasn’t that she didn’t hear Kai’s voice, it was just so distant, her sense of loss overwhelming.  When headlights had blinded her, Hari stepping out of the car, Maya had felt relieved.  She might’ve lost all she had left of her baby brother but Kai would help her get her revenge.

She hadn’t thought to question why Hari was there or how he had found her.  Even now her mind was so dazed and dull from her loss that she let Kai move and undress her.

“Let’s get you clean.  You’ll feel better after a nice, warm bath. Loosing your home like that--”  Kai stopped.  His eyes lifted to Maya’s, cursing himself.

She had seen that he and Hari hadn’t spoken.  Knew that he shouldn’t yet know about her home.  If she caught the slip and questioned him…  Maya was clever.  Would she piece together that he had sent men to burn the place down days ago?  It had been done so she would have nothing to return to should she try and leave him.  And clearly it had been the right decision.

Thankfully Maya’s unfocused gaze was still on the floor.

Kai’s hands resumed.  This was his first time undressing her.  It should have been full of heated kisses and searing touches.  Her hands and eyes should have been on him, not dead on her lap, gaze on the floor.  This night should have gone so differently.  But he pushed the bitter thought down.  Maya need him.  She would undoubtedly be grateful for his care.  And the thought of her showing that gratefulness had him focusing on the task at hand.

Turning off the tap, he checked the bath water before lifting her up and setting her in the tub.

Maya sucked in a breath.

“Too hot?”  Kai questioned, dipping his hand in once more. He preferred near scalding water, and had made sure to temper his preference with cooler water for her.

Honeyed eyes watched her.  But she didn’t make another sound, her expression blank.

Deciding that the water was fine, Kai picked up a fresh washcloth.  Kneeling beside the claw foot tub, he lifted her arm.  The limb moved without resistance.  Dead weight in his hand.

He had let her leave figuring that seeing she had no place else to go would make her accept her place here with him.  But seeing her now, he wondered.  It cemented in his mind that she should never be allowed to leave again.

“Sweetheart. Look at me.”  Kai bid.  And to his immense relief and pleasure, she did.

Though her eyes were still glassy and unfocused, her head turned.

“I was worried about you.”  Kai told, brushing her tear-stained cheek.

Maya merely blinked.  It was like loosing her brother all over again.  It was possibly even worse as now she had literally nothing to remember him by.  Nothing but her memories.  She couldn’t forget him.  She would never forget him.

Kai’s eyes raked over her naked body.  He used the washcloth to clean her sweet face, gaze following the rivulets of water that ran down her neck and chest.  It wasn’t suppose to be like this, his first time seeing her disrobed.  He had fantasied about bathing with her.  Lovingly and methodically scrubbing each others flesh after a heated lovemaking.  But just because things hadn’t turned out the way he had planned didn’t mean… No.  He was trying to earn Maya’s love and trust, not force and break it.

This weak inner play of desire and focus of task tugged at him as he bathed her.  It couldn’t be denied that he was enjoying himself. She was just so warm and soft.  So beautiful.  So perfect.  And like this, she was almost doll like.  A perfect living doll for him to do as he pleased.

His hands and the washcloth lingered more and more as he moved from her arms and back, and worked up her legs.  With nothing but a soapy square of terrycloth between them, Kai’s hand moved up her inner thigh.  “You should never have left.  You belong here.  With me.”

Her body went taught, a sound between a grunt and a whine escaping her lips.

For a heady moment Kai thought she was responding to his touch. But a second later he realize that, while that might've been the case, it wasn’t in the way he wanted.

Maya’s noise hadn’t been one of pleasure but pain.

In scolding and telling her of her place, Kai had lost himself for a moment.  As he had done so, his fingers had dug into her tender, subtle flesh.  With silent censure, his hand released.  She would no doubt have bruises marring her lovely skin come morning.  Bruises that hadn’t occurred in heated amore.  Would anything this night go right?  At least he had her back.  But that was becoming an increasingly small comfort given the way he had imagined this night going down.  Especially when he wouldn’t have let her leave if he hadn’t been sure he would get her back.

With her legs and stomach done, Kai paid special attention to her chest.  There was no more pretending that this was just about getting her clean.

Maya shivered.  Goose flesh erupting over her skin.

Kai scrubbed all the harder around a perking nipple.  “Doesn’t that feel good, my Sweet?  To get and be clean.  We will be doing this from now on.  A man should take care of his woman in every way that he can.  And the ways I can take care of you, my Love.”

“Kai…”

“There she is.”  Kai smiled. “I knew all you needed was a bit of tending and stimulation to have you fully returning to me.  You had me worried, my Sweet.”

“The water’s cold.”

“No worries.  I’ll warm you up.”  He laid the washcloth over the tub and pulled the stopper, letting the water drain.

Rising to his feet, he grabbed a fluffy white towel.

Though she was now more with it, Maya allowed him to stand her up.  She felt a slight embarrassment at him drying her.  But her mind was still so lost in the events of the night that she did little to try and hide herself.

Reluctantly, Kai slipped a silk rode on her, tying it loosely around her waist. “Come, Darling.  Let’s move to the bed where it’s more comfortable.”

Maya followed, towel hanging over her shoulders.

Kai sat her down and sat behind her, hands taking up the towel to properly dry her hair.  “Feeling better?”

Maya hummed, drowsily.  It was so tempting to fall asleep, hoping that when she woke all of this would turn out to be a bad dream.

“I will always make you feel good.”  He breathed against her hair.

She shivered.

Kai set the towel aside and took up a brush.

Turning back to her, his eyes landed on the lounge beside the bed.  Or more correctly the book left on the lounge.  He had pulled it from his hidden stash to look it over for something to help should Maya prove difficult upon her return.  But Maya was being far from difficult, though she obviously wasn’t the only one having a hard time keeping a clear head.

His gaze flicked back to her.  She hadn’t seen it yet. With the love Maya had for books, she would’ve asked about it. Kai cursed his forgetfulness.  He would gladly give his Darling anything she wanted so long as it was safe and wouldn’t cause her harm.  But answers about that book. The contents in it.  Such things would definitely make her unsafe and potentially cause her harm.  He hadn’t even made Hari or Joi aware about that book or his past dabblings with it.  And his care for them was far less than his care for Maya.

He glanced at Maya, grateful that she knew nothing about such things. And silently vowed to do everything in his power to make sure she never did.

He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, tossing it over the book.  He always got up before her.  He would put it back in its place in the morning.

“My house was gone.”  Maya muttered, barely aware Kai had moved behind her, let alone taken off his shirt.

“You’re house is fine.”  Kai soothed. “It’s here.  With me.  This is your home.”

“Burned to the ground.”  She went on barely hearing what he had said.

Kai rested his hands on her shoulders. “Sweetheart. I know you see this as a tragedy.  Something that has greatly hurt you.  But perhaps it is a blessing in disguise.  That place wasn’t your home. Not anymore.”  He turned her to him.  “Your place is here.  With me. Forever by my side.”  His fingers tenderly brushed her cheek. “Your my girl, Maya.”

Maya’s heart clenched, tears welling with fresh tears. “Everything I had left of him was in there.  It’s like loosing him all over again.  I have nothing now.  No one.”

“You have me.”  His thumb brushed away a fat tear that rolled out of its banks.  “I have no doubt that it hurts right now.  But I will give you more than your justice.  I will give you everything.  You are not alone.  I will give you new, happy memories.  Your life with me will be so full of love and joy that you’ll forget all that you have lost.”

His words tumbled about in her head, their meaning barely registered.  All that mattered was that Kai was here.  That he had accepted her back.  That he seemed to forgive her justified but rude outburst.  And that he would help her get her vengeance.

His voice was deep and smooth.  Reassuring and alluring. Like beckoning sirens call, she was drawn to it.  Drawn to him.

She had lost everything that had ever meant anything to her.  Her brother. Her very reason for being.  The only picture she had of him.  The pillow and clothes that had carried his scent.  The house that he had brightened with his smile.  Filled with his joyous laughter.  It hurt too much.  If she continued to focus on it all she would break.  She couldn’t break.  Not until she had avenged him.

Needing to feel something, anything else Maya leaned forward and kissed her handsome savior.

Kai startled for a fraction of a second at her making the first move. But he recovered instantly. His arms wrapped around her, lips moving when hers didn’t.  Teeth lightly nibbled at her lower lip.  Tongue licking, seeking entrance.

Maya pulled back.  What had she done?  She had been angry at him.  Though sitting here she could barely remember what their argument had been about.  Everything had faded after the sight of the burned house.

“Kai…” She shouldn’t be doing this.  Encouraging him when he obviously wanted more.  But she had just lost everything.  And the pain and anger, it was overwhelming.  She needed to feel something other than heart-wrenching loss and rage.  And Kai was here.  He was willing and wanting, and just so handsome.

Kai’s heart and body was set ablaze by her tender kiss.  And now that he had had a taste he wanted more.  Needed more.  All this time he had resisted.  Held himself back not wanting to scare her away by demanding.  But she had made the first move.  And now that she had it would be perfectly acceptable for him to make the second, third, and four.

“Darling.” Kai’s hand buried in her hair, the other pulling her onto his lap. His lips were on hers, tongue pressing, all but demanding entry.

Letting go, Maya opened her mouth to him.  Her hands rested on his shoulders, neither pushing or pulling.

Leaving her breathless, Kai moved on to her neck.  Kissing and sucking at her tender flesh. Even though this night hadn’t gone the way he had planned, it would still end the way he had wanted.  Maya would be his completely.  She wanted him too.  She had made the first move.  Had kissed--  She had made the first move…

Kai pulled back, eyes sharp.  Expression stern.  “You’ve done this before.”

At his accusatory tone, Maya lifted her chin in defiance. The look was ruined by her quivering lips and shining, shame filled eyes.  “Only cause I had to.”

A different kind of fire ignited in Kai’s chest. “You were forced!”

Her hands moved to her robe, clutching the fabric closed at the base of her throat.  “Forced to survive and provide for my brother.  Rent was hard enough to make in good times.  When he got sick and I had to miss work to stay home and care from him…”  She took in a shuddering breath.  “I could've done without a roof over my head. But a young boy needs a home.  Stability.  I did what I had to to see he always had a shelter and enough food in his belly not to starve.”

Kai stared at her.  His teeth gritted so tightly together his cheek started to twitch. This beautiful, sweet creature.  His beautiful, sweet Beloved had her innocence stolen!  A part of her purity that should have been meant for him.  For him alone to have and take.

“Your Landlord.”  Kai spoke, the rage evident in his voice.

She nodded.

“Wha--” He cleared his throat feeling sick and murderous at just the thought of the question.  But he needed to know.  “What did he ask of you?”

“Enough.” Maya muttered, eyes downcast.  Too much, she thought.  But it had been for her brother.  She would’ve, and still would do anything for him.

She didn’t dare look at Kai. Would he hate her?  Find her disgusting and soiled?  She surely was both those things and more. Even if it had all been done for her brothers sake.  Kai was obsessed with cleanliness.  And despite the recent bath, she was far from clean.

Kai’s hands curled into fists. That man.  That sick, depraved villain had taken advantage of his Darlings situation and need to provide.  He had used it to force her to…  No. He couldn’t even think of it.  Couldn’t bare the thought of it.  His poor sweet Maya.  She had needed him and he hadn’t been there.  It further proved that she could never leave his side.  She was too good.  Too innocent and beautiful.  People would take advantage.  She needed to be protected.  He needed to protect her.

“Was he the only one?  This landlord?”

Maya nodded.

He would have him killed, Kai thought. He would send Hari--  No! He’s eyes fell on the shirt and the book beneath it. He wouldn’t send Hari. He would handle it himself.

Kai turned back to her.  “Did you ever get pleasure from it.”

“Of course not!”

“I didn’t mean it like that, my Sweet.  I meant--”

“No.” Maya said cutting him off.  “He never took the time to try. It’s the one thing I’m grateful for.”

“That he didn’t take your first orgasm.”  Kai said, warming to the idea.

“Please. I don’t want to talk about it any more.”

Kai hugged her against his chest.  He was definitely upset that he wouldn’t be her first; but he didn’t blame Maya for it. He, more than anybody, understood that sometimes one had to do unsavory things.

“You will never have to think or talk about him again.”  He promised, kissing her head.  “In fact, consider him gone.  As good as dead.”

Maya’s head raised at that.  It was one thing to seek vengeance for the innocent life of her brother, but something completely different to do so for herself.  “Kai--”

“Shush.” Kai hush, lightly kissing her lips.  He turned them and urged her to lay back.

“Kai! What are you--”

His hand glided from her waist to her hip, and down the silken skin of her leg.  “I told you to hush, Darling.  The only sounds I want to heard coming out of you’re pretty little mouth are sweet mewls as I show you.”

“Show me?  Show me what—ah!” “There it is.”  Kai sighed, a knuckle grazing up between her legs.  “That’s the sound I want to hear.”

“Kai…” This was too fast.  Too soon she wasn’t ready.  Didn’t want-- Her body tensed, his finger dipping further between her folds.  A jolt of electric pleasure rushed through her when the digit brushed her clit.  “There!  Oh!  Kai!  Please!  There.”

“Don’t you worry, Beautiful.  I know just where you need me.  Just what will have you singing and coming apart for me.” His hand turned, fingers dipping down to her entrance to collect and spread the first sign of her juices while the other tugged at the belt of her robe, undoing it.

Maya’s legs snapped shut around his hand.  No!  Good as it felt, this wasn’t right.  Kai was...obsessed.  She knew it.  Had seen and ignored it.

Nothing’s changed, she argued with herself.  You still need him to get revenge. You were willing to do this if he demanded before.  At least he’s gentler and more caring than that stinking, old landlord.  Its his caring that scares me.  It isn’t right.  Isn’t normal.

“Maya.” Kai’s voice held a teasing censure.  “I can’t please you if you don’t let me.  I need you to open those pretty legs for me, Darling.”

“I--” Maya stared up at him.  Behind him his shadow looked— She blinked. Whatever it was, was gone.

“Come now, Sweetheart.  Give me room to work and I’ll have you forgetting your own name.”

Forget. That was what she wanted, wasn’t it?  To forget the landlord. Forget all that she had lost when the house burned down.  To forget the sight of that severed head.  And drown out, replacing the screams and blood and death of that horrible day her brother died.

“Kai. Make me forget.  Please.”

Kai leaned over her.  “I will, my Love.  I will make you forget every terrible thing.  Everything but me and your life here.  We belong together, Maya.  Together, we will build a new and wholesome world where killings and fires never happen again.”

Her eyes widened.  This was wrong.  What he wanted was wrong.  The amount of death it would take to make his perfect world.  No one could live up to that standard.  Not even Kai himself.  Especially not Kai himself.

Her thoughts were driven away by his lips.  She sighed into his hungry mouth.  Legs spreading of there own accord as her hands gripped his shoulders. She had made a deal with a demon.  What more would it hurt to give herself to a devil of a man if it meant seeing her vengeance done? It wasn’t as if Kai had demanded anything of her.  He didn’t want her soul.  Merely to take care of and love her.  After all this time, it would be nice to be the one taken care of.

“That’s it, my Sweet. Give yourself to me and I’ll make you forget.  I’ll make everything alright.” His lips gazed up her neck to her ear.  “You’re never leaving me again.  You’re mine.”  His fingers pushed into her wet heat, thumb pressing tight circles into her clit.

Maya’s back arched up off the bed. “Oh!  Ka—Kai!”

“Such a pretty sound.  Make some more for me.”  His fingers curled, and she did.

Maya moaned and screamed his name as he worked her with long, thick, skilled fingers.

As badly as he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to watch her more. This was their first time together.  Her first time feeling such pleasure.  Such an event should be marveled at.  Committed to memory. It wasn’t as if they wouldn’t be doing this at least once a day from now on.  He could already imagine taking a long afternoon break, delighting fully in her after she had sat on his lap all morning, keeping him warm.

His cock thrummed at the thought and he grimaced at the wet spot that blossomed in his underwear.  He would satiate his own need soon enough.  But first.  “You’re so close for me already.  Tell me.  Do you want to cum?”

“Yes!” Maya panted, hips bucking up to his hand. “Please, Kai.  Please!”

“Say it.  Say the words.”

“I want to cum.  Please!”

“And who do you want to make you cum?”

“You! Ah!” Her nails dug half moons into his shoulders.

Kai hissed, muscles rolling at the sharp heady pain.  His fingers slowed, thumb lifting off her.  “Such a good girl for me.”  He hummed, smirking at the way her quivering walls tried to milk his fingers. “I don’t think you’re fully satisfied yet.”

“Huh?” She breathed, feeling light as a feather.

“Don’t worry, Darling.  I know exactly what will see use both satisfied.” He got to his knees and paused, lifting his slick coated fingers. Almost on impulse, he pushed them into her face.  “Clean those for me.��

Maya’s mouth opened to question, but as soon as her lips parted his fingers pushed in.  She made a strangled noise.

“Just use your tongue and suck.”  Kai instructed, assumed by her flustered blush.  He had just fingered her and was about to do so much more.  Cute as it was, she had no reason to be shy or embarrassed.  He would know and control everything about her.  She was his.

Maya’s lips closed around his fingers, doing as he said.  She had never tasted herself.  It was...interesting.  Not bad, but not what she would call good.  It was sharp, musky, and somewhat sweet.  A distinctive taste that she’d never be able to describe if asked.  With a start she realized it was a taste distinctly hers.  Her taste.

Her eyes flicked down, wondering what Kai tasted like.  No!  That was… Bad?  Good?  Disgusting?  Would he want her to use her mouth on him? It was something the landlord had like to have her do.  Though it hadn’t been her using her mouth so much as having her mouth be used.  Thankfully the dirty slob liked to finish on her face.

“So good for me.”  Kai murmured pulling his fingers free.  His hand returned to his belt, undoing it and his pants.  He caught Maya watching in interest and smiled.  He didn’t know anything about the scum that touched her but he knew he was better.  It wasn’t arrogance.  It was fact.

When his pants and underwear pulled down, and cock sprung free, Maya gulped.

He smiled at her expression.  “It’s alright, Sweetheart.  It’ll fit.  I promise.”

Maya doubted that.  It was long and thick. Just the thought of it being put in her made her legs and cunt quiver.

“Do you want to touch it?”

She shook her head, despite the desire to do so.

Kai frowned.  He grabbed her wrist and pulled it to him.  Before she could pull back, her fingers were being wrapped around his length.  It was even bigger than it looked.  Her hand appearing small, unable to fully circle around it.

“There’s a good girl.  See.  Nothing to fear.  I would never hurt you.  Your mine, Maya.  And I always take care of what is mine.”

As soon as he released her, she pulled her hand away.  Her palm missed the throbbing heat, feeling clammy and cool.

“Kai!” Maya squeaked as he lowered over her, propping himself up on an arm. “Please be gentle.”

“Of course, my Love.  I’ll try.”  His other hand cupped her cheek. “You made me wait so long.”

Days she thought.  They had known each other no more than two weeks.

“You must understand that I don’t like waiting.  But I did so for you. Because I love you.”  He frowned when she didn’t reply in kind.  He knew she loved him.  She had to.  She was here.  Giving herself to him.  She was his.  She had to love him just as much as he loved her.  “Say it, Darling.  Tell me you’re mine.”

Maya sucked in on her lips. She wouldn’t lie, so she did the quickest thing she could think of. Distract him.  Her head lifted, arms wrapping around his neck.

Kai hummed when her lips met his, her mouth eagerly opening for him of her own accord.  It was further proof of her love.  She was just shy.  Had probably never said the words to anyone that wasn’t family.  He scowled, kissing her in return. She better have never said such words to anybody that wasn’t family.

The taste of her filled his mouth.  It made him want to sample straight from the source, but his cock was aching.  He had waited so long for her.  He was done waiting.  There would be time enough to taste and claim every part of her later.

Taking himself to hand, he ran his length through her wet folds and pressed the head to her entrance.

Maya whined.  It wouldn’t fit.  It wouldn’t fit.  He was going to rip her apart.

“Maya. Relax.”

Gold eyes stared down at her.  Her breath caught.  She could swear that they had glowed for an instant.

He pushed in.

Maya gasped.

Hand lifting, Kai cupped her face.  She was so beautiful and sweet.  As badly as he wanted to sheath himself completely, he held back went slow.

Hips rocking, Kai’s thick length entered her inch by inch until he was seated fully in to the hilt.

“There.” Kai smiled, thumb brushing her cheek.  “I told you.  You should never doubt or question me, my Love.”  In fact, if she did so again he couldn’t guarantee that it wouldn’t be met with swift punishment.

“Kai.” Maya whined, the sound far different from the one moments before.

His pride swelled at her needy tone.  “Are you ready for me to move?”

“Yes. Please.”  She breathed.

Despite his need, he started a slow, sweet pace, letting her fully adjust to the feel of him.  As great as his need for more was, he didn’t want to hurt her.  Fingers rolled her nipples, his ears enjoying every sound she made.  Big as he was, he hardly needed to angle his thrust to hit the spot inside her, but he did, wanting to give her the most pleasure.

“Ka—ah—i!” Her back arched, toes curling.

Damn! She was so tight.  His perfect little darling. She was so good and pliant.  So obedient.  Well, almost.  There was one thing she had yet to do for him.  One thing he needed to hear her say.

His thrusts deepened, hips snapping against hers.  The sound of skin slapping skin mixed with her wanton cries.  It was beautiful.  She was beautiful. “I love you, Sweetheart.”

“Kai. Ple—please!  I—I need--”

“I got.  Just what.  You need.”  Kai said in-between thrusts. “But first.  Let me hear you.  Say it.”

“Say. What?”

“Tell me.  You love me.”

Maya’s eyes widened.  Her hands slid down from his shoulders to his chest, though she resisted the instinct to push him away.

Kai grunted, Maya tightening around him.  “Say it, Sweetheart.  Don’t be shy.”

She moaned, his hips grinding down, rubbing against her clit.

“Say it, Maya. Let me hear you.”  It was like a beast had been unleashed.  Kai had known he wanted Maya, but he hadn’t realized how consuming the need had been.  He more than wanted her.  More than needed her.  He needed her to want him.  Needed her to see him as her everything, just as she had become his.

His pumping hips slammed against hers making her breasts bounce.

Maya found it difficult to breath.  And not just because she was so close again.  It felt as if he were fucking the air out of her.

Kai’s hand moved between them, pressing against her clit.  He had wanted to be gentle.  Told her he would try to be. But pleasure was pleasure and she was being bad by not saying what he wanted.  On top of that, there were still her disrespectful words and reaction from earlier this evening.  She deserved a little roughness.

“Who do you belong to?”

“Y—you! Ah!  Ka—i!” Maya writhed beneath him.

“Tell me.  Who do you love?”

“You!”

“Say it!”

“I—ah! I love you!  Kai!  Please!  Please!”

Kai’s eyes practically glowed.  He had gotten what he wanted, but he didn’t let up. “That’s it, Beautiful.  Come apart for me.  Cum for me. Just.  Like. That.”

She screamed, nails digging scratches into his back.  Her orgasm heightened by Kai’s own.  His cock coming alive, spitting its hot seed deep inside her.

He hovered above her a moment, panting as they both came down from their highs.  Finally, he brushed her hair back.  “You did so good, my Sweet. Admitting your love for me.  I’m so proud of you.”

“I--” Maya paused.  He looked so happy.  Was giving her so much.  What was one lie if it gave him what he wanted while he gave her what she wanted?  It wasn’t as if she disliked him.  In truth, given time, she could see herself maybe coming to love him.  It was just all so new.  They hadn’t known each other for more than two weeks. It was better to let him believe, than hurt him and chance not getting her revenge.

You’ll regret this, a small inside voice told.  He’s controlling and obsessed.  But she ignored the voice.  So what if he was a little controlling and obsessed?  She was getting what she wanted.  She would do anything for her brother. Even if it meant lying in order to see the men who had taken her brother from her punished and dead.

Looking up at him, Maya smiled sweetly.  “I love you, Kai.”

This chapter was a tough one for me to get a handle on and write.  It's my first somewhat consensual smut with Kai, my first smut for him being a rape scene in my Chaos fic.  So any comments, thoughts, or constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

As always, an extra special thank you to @inorganicone2230 for their encouragement and friendship.  I couldn't have done this chapter without your help and input.  Heck, that goes for ALL my fics. Huzzah!  For 'proofreading'.  lol  Seriously though, you really are the best my friend.  THANK YOU!

Taglist: @shadynebula –  Hope you’re feeling better today.

[cameoappearance]

Don’t Starve character age masterpost

The big-head-small-body art style makes it difficult to tell how old a character is beyond “would they get a seniors’ discount or not”, some canonically adult characters act quite childish, and Klei stopped setting specific ages for characters after the first three, but there are some clues nevertheless rather than pure fanon.

Sorry about it being a million miles long; press J to skip on desktop, and on mobile you may want to stop now and go add “dash stretcher” to your blacklist. (Updated 22/05/2022)

Wilson:

Consistently described as 30s or early 30s, from the very beginning. (Old Q&A, old Facebook post archived via screenshot - the original Tumblr post is from 2014, the Facebook post might be a bit older)

Can grow a full, long, hairy, magnificent beard, although he doesn’t start with it. (This might be why the Yilson skin never got off the ground.)

Has been to grad school (and didn’t enjoy it much). A Tumblr user who’s changed their name at least three times since posting this copied his old journal entries off a previous iteration of Klei’s website.

Willow:

Word of Klei shifted a bit in the early years; she was described as “maybe late teens” in the earliest Q&A (in an old dev stream, partially transcribed on the old Klei forums; I found this on the wiki but I had some trouble opening the spoiler tags in the archive site they used for the citation) and then bumped up to early 20s in a later answer.

From the Ashes is a flashback, and not a recent one. Compare child-Willow’s face (right side) with her other recent cinematic appearances (left side); child Willow is never rendered with the long chin often seen on adult Willow, although sometimes adult Willow is shown with about the same distance between mouth and chin as her childhood self. Adult Willow’s nose also takes up a much larger portion of her face, though it remains the same shape.

On the character selection/curio cabinet screen, she’s described as “a candid woman whose penchant for fire often gets her into more than a little trouble“.

Wolfgang:

The very earliest Word of Klei said he was “about 40s”. They changed Willow’s age a little since then so that’s not ironclad, but Wolfgang is probably still older than Wilson and younger than Maxwell.

Wendy:

Described on the character selection/curio cabinet screen as “a morose young lady with a sisterly bond so powerful, it transcends death itself“.

Word of Klei is that she’s younger than Wigfrid, the context of this being that as of 2015 they only differentiate between children and adults in terms of age.

Referred to as “little buddy” by Woodie, “Mademoiselle %s” by Warly (the only other ones he calls mademoiselle are Wurt and, oddly enough, Lucy the axe), and “scary Wendy girl” (or, when she’s attacked somebody, “creepy girl”) by Wolfgang, who calls Willow, Wigfrid, and Wickerbottom “torchlady”, “stronglady” and “brainlady” in addition to their names. If she sets something on fire, Wanda says "Children these days, always playing with fire."

Lucy refers to her as “that creepy girl” in one of her chatter lines after Woodie turns back to human: "I think that creepy girl is mad at you." That probably goes with this Wendy examine quote for the werebeaver: "He pinky-promised I'd get to ride on his shoulders. Such lies."

The flavor text for her Hallowed Nights 2018 costume is “a dress for a supernatural child”, and her Snowfallen set is called the Snowchild.

On the one hand, she’s the same height as Willow, Wilson, or Wickerbottom in the Forge trailer, whereas Wigfrid looks slightly shorter and Wolfgang is much taller. On the other hand, a) Wolfgang calls her “very tiny %s” instead of just “tiny %s”, and b) I was 5′5″ by the time I was 13, myself.

While this is circumstantial evidence and wouldn’t be very compelling on its own, it rounds off everything else that her large eyes, round head and small nose make her character design one of the youngest-looking. The only other character who has all three is pre-Constant Charlie, although Wormwood has similarly large eyes and no nose, Willow has the same big eyes but has a longer face shape and nose, and Wigfrid has a similar nose and face shape but her eyes take up a much smaller portion of her face.

In October of 2019 Wendy received official clarification on her age: she is 8-10 years old by Word of Klei. This was further narrowed down when her rework confirmed that she and Abigail were Jack Carter’s children (mentioned in William Carter Puzzle #3, and puzzles #1 and #4 have datestamps with years) and included an approximate date for when she was taken to the Constant in a piece of splash art. The Compendium update gave her a birthday as well, making it possible to determine her exact age: Wendy and Abigail were born on November 11 1903, and Wendy’s last diary entry before being taken to the Constant was on April 16 1914, making her ten years and five months old.

WX-78:

We now know that WX’s mind was either uploaded or copied from a human. We don’t know much about that human, but they were old enough to work alongside Wagstaff as a scientist, so what’s most likely is that they were an adult with a university degree. However, we don’t have confirmation of that, and the possibility exists that they were instead a young relative who Wagstaff was training as an apprentice. We’re not likely to learn much about it from WX’s quotes, because they have little if any memory of their human life and seem to be missing a lot of knowledge of human customs and Earth things even where it doesn’t concern them personally. Still, they’re... probably an adult.

While most interpretations of their human silhouette give them shoulder-length hair, it could potentially be a beard or large sideburns instead, which would also be evidence of adulthood if so.

Wickerbottom:

Obviously she’s got wrinkles and a bony face; she’d get the seniors’ discount.

Warly calls her “Mme. Wickerbottom/Mme. %s”, the abbreviation for Madame. Woodie calls her “ma’am”.

Her quote for failing to cook is "Perhaps later. Not all old ladies enjoy cooking, you know." Similarly, one of her encumbered quotes is “I’m more spry than I look!” and her quote for the moon hot springs is “My old feet could use a good soak.”

Talks to and about everyone like they’re very young (for instance, calling Maxwell a “sweet boy when you peel away the ego”), so her quotes don’t really indicate whether anyone else is younger than the rest of the group, but they do point to her seeing herself as considerably older than the other DST survivors, and as mentioned she refers to herself straight-up as old/an old lady.

Woodie:

Has a big beavery beard and prominent cheekbones, is a fully fledged lumberjack, acts like a dad to Webber, Wurt, and Wendy (calling them “kiddo” and “little buddy”, promising Wendy a piggyback ride on the werebeaver)

Wes:

Wolfgang calls Wes “tiny oddman”, “clownman” and, after he revives someone, “nice, weird little man”. Woodie calls him “buddy”. He’s the only human man who doesn’t have facial hair in any skin, but he does appear to be a grown man. His facial structure supports this, since he has a longish nose and a fairly large chin.

Maxwell: 

Wrinkly, balding, has a big nose and chin, even more exaggeratedly so in his NPC form and official art from before the All’s Well That Maxwell update. Gets defensive about his age when presented with dentures. Complains about his teeth getting too old to eat jerky. His quote for Volt Goat Chaud-Froid is “Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I like gelatin.” He looks middle-aged rather than elderly, but he’s certainly not a young man, except in the Untriumphant skin.

He looked similar to his current appearance at the time of the Final Performance, at least agewise (can’t speak for things like his Survivor skin having a mouthful of fangs). However, he aged noticeably over the course of the William Carter Puzzles, developing more wrinkles in later pictures. (Which is a little concerning since the dates only span five years, although that may have been retconned later/been a mistake, based on a developer comment about that storyline starting in the 1890s. If Maxwell did indeed age that poorly between 1901 and 1906... Stress? Side effect of using lots of shadow magic? Lousy genetics and bad skincare?)

The Unshadow Suit goes with the Untriumphant head, and suggests that he still looked somewhat like that when he first met Charlie, because its description is "This look hearkens back to a simpler time. You are missed, Charlie."

Wigfrid:

Older than Wendy by Word of Klei.

Spent many years training herself to be strong, courageous, and confident, possibly for the role of Wigfrid the Valkyrie specifically.

Webber:

The Steam page for singleplayer Reign of Giants characterises him as “a young boy who lives inside the spider who tried to eat him long ago”.

He’s described on the character selection page as “a polite young monster”.

In his Victorian skin, he’s described as “this lively young lad”, and the individual pieces are “Schoolboy X”.

Woodie calls him “kiddo” and “the kid”, as does Winona; Wolfgang calls him “monsterchild” (tiny or otherwise), “small bug boy”, “tiny child”, and “nice kid” (in the same sentence as “creepy monster”, admittedly), WX-78 addresses him as “SPIDER CHILD” when taunting him with gummi spiders, Wigfrid also addresses him as “spiderchild %s” by default, Warly calls him “petit monsieur”, and Maxwell calls him “this child” to his face when he’s revived someone and “the monster child” when he’s talking about Webber getting tangled in a ball of twine. Wanda makes a similar comment for a firestarter Webber as she does for a firestarter Wendy: "All children want to do these days is set fire to everything."

He mentions his family a lot, particularly his mom, his dad and his grandpa.

His character design alone doesn’t give anything away since he looks like a spider atop a bipedal body and he grows a silk beard, but pretty much every description of him by other characters or narration points to him being a kid.

Walani:

Seems to have been gainfully employed in the past, in some sort of naval capacity, based on her quotes for Gunpowder Barrels ("Hmm, was I in charge of keeping these stowed?") and the Captain Hat ("If only the boss could see me now."). Puzzlingly enough she also says Deerclops eyeballs remind her of her boss. That’s about all I’ve got to go on.

Warly:

Has a beard. Has very sharp cheekbones, especially on his DST sprite. Has childhood photos on the walls of his house/his mother’s house in his cinematic. Has very light-coloured hair that many fans have interpreted as grey or greying, though in Taste of Home and the Salty Dog cinematic it’s just brown. Old enough to be a knowledgeable and successful chef, which doesn’t usually happen overnight.

Wilbur:

He appears to be a full-grown ape, but different monkeys and apes have different ages of maturity, so how many actual years old he is would be a wildly varying estimate depending on what species he is/most closely resembles, what with his chimp-like face and New-World-monkey-style tail. Chimpanzees reach adulthood at 13-14 years, whereas capuchins are adults at 4-8 years and spider monkeys at 4-5 years.

Woodlegs:

Has completely white hair and a huge white beard. I’m not sure exactly how much of his wizened look comes from the passage of time and how much comes from living in harsh conditions as a pirate (wind, sun, and sea spray in his face all the time, bad food, poor sanitation, fighting a lot and not always winning, etc; the same conditions that led to him losing both legs and several teeth), but he’s one of the oldest-looking characters of all.

Winona:

Charlie is suggested to be her younger sister (Winona says being followed by a meeping mandrake is “exactly what having a little sister’s like”), but they don’t look like they’re in totally different age groups in the photo shown in Next of Kin, so Winona's probably 2-5 years older, although they could be as little as a year apart. They could even be fraternal twins, hypothetically; Charlie’s face is rounder and her nose is smaller in the photo, and that plus her characteristic large eyes makes her look distinctly younger than Winona, but that might instead be because they inherited different features from their parents. On the other hand, perhaps Charlie’s around 7 and Winona is around 12, and they look the same height because one or both of them is sitting down.

At least, they were 0-5 years apart originally; Charlie may or may not have aged as the Night Monster after 1906 but Winona wasn’t taken to the Constant until 1919.

That extra 13 years suggests that Winona is in her late thirties or her forties as of her arrival in the Constant, depending on how far apart in age they are exactly and how old Charlie was (somewhere in her twenties, probably) when she disappeared. She doesn’t look like she’s all the way into middle age, though, so she’s probably more like Wolfgang‘s age than Maxwell’s.

Wilba:

Still under Queen Malfalfa’s charge (Wilba’s introduced after being grounded for irresponsibly losing the crown), so probably a child or adolescent pig-person. As with the other nonhumans her numerical age is hard to guess. Were she human I’d say preteen to early teens, since once she’s ungrounded her parents let her do what she wants and go wherever she wants.

Wormwood:

Their cinematic shows the moment they first came to exist, but they begin blooming by the end of their first day of life, and in real life only fully grown plants sprout flowers (what with flowers being plants’ means of reproduction), so like WX they were presumably physically/neurodevelopmentally adult from the moment they hit the ground. They do however act very enthusiastic, innocent, and naïve. It’s frankly impossible to tell how long ago the cinematic was; they look and act exactly the same in-game, but could have lived through an indefinite number of years in the Constant before becoming playable.

Wolfgang calls him “leafy green man” and Woodie calls him “budding bud”, so I guess he must not look that much like a child in DST at least. Warly calls a reviver Wormwood “a kind little veg”. (He also refers to Wormwood as his “salady friend” on another occasion, which is irrelevant but adorable.) Winona calls him a “big bean sprout” at one point and a “gross little guy” when she finds one of his compost wraps.

The minimum age Wormwood can be at the beginning of the game is 7 days, because he was born on a full moon and we can tell from his overnight bloom that it’s lush season at the time. (We also know it’s before Return of Them because the moon isn’t cracked, but that doesn’t tell us much that we couldn’t already have guessed.) However, Hamlet starts on the first day of temperate season and a new moon. The setting of Lunar Roots also appears to be in or near the deep rainforest biome, but Wormwood’s in-game spawn is less heavily wooded and usually near the junction of the rainforest and wild plains biomes.

All this indicates that some time has passed and Wormwood’s wandered around a bit between being born and waking up with the Maxameleon in his face and 60 days to go before the Aporkalypse, but we have no way of telling how much time, just “at least a week”.

Wheeler:

Has extensive experience travelling the world by air (in balloons mostly), apparently by herself. She never mentions her parents at all, though she does mention her grandma a few times.

Her dusk quote is "Getting dark. But I can stay up past my bedtime." However this is probably her being playful, rather than literal; Woodie has a similar dusk quote.

Her quote for hungry teenbirds is "Teenagers. Always hungry." That suggests that she isn’t one herself, but has known and/or been some.

Wagstaff:

Has grey hair, a big grey moustache, wrinkles, stomach problems, and terrible eyesight (though you don’t have to be old for that last part). Founded a radio company. Nostalgically recounts how he made a lot of money selling snake oil in his youth, as if it were quite some time ago.

Wortox:

His Uncorrupted skin items are referred to as “Forest Fawn X”, so between that and his status as apprentice to Krampus, he must be fairly young in his cinematic.

However, that’s also the first time he ever took somebody’s soul, whereas in-game he’s used to it (ambivalent over whether to be okay with it, but accustomed to the process), so I’m guessing it was years ago for him. His character selection screen description says he’s taken many souls in his time.

Oddly enough the survivors seem exactly the same as they are now when young Wortox bothers Wilson and Wes, but Wortox is native to another plane of existence, so time might run differently between there and the Constant.

Wolfgang calls him “scary horn man”, and he’s “buddy” to Woodie like most characters.

When looking at a Lavae Tooth, Wortox says his mother still has his somewhere, suggesting that Krampus-like imps lose their baby teeth and grow new ones before adulthood just like humans do; when he sees the Lavae themselves, he says “I remember when I was that age.”

Wurt:

Wurt’s title is “The Half-Pint”, an old-fashioned nickname for a child. Her character selection description characterises her as “a curious young Merm trying to expand her horizons”, and her main menu/Steam page blurb from her update describes her as “a young and impressionable merm”.

Wendy and Webber treat Wurt as a peer; Wurt and Webber are the only ones Wendy talks about playing with in her character examine quotes, discounting a line about “playing with fire” for a firestarter Wormwood.

Warly calls her “mademoiselle” like Wendy, “little one”, and if she kills someone, “a horrible little creature”. Wigfrid calls her “small beastie” and “little beast”; Wolfgang calls her “tiny fish girl”, and “tiny swamp monster” for a murderer Wurt. Woodie calls her “little bud”. If she’s going around hitting people, Maxwell says “This is no time for childishness!” as his examine quote for her and Willow calls her “a real little terror”. Maxwell also calls a firestarter Wurt a “tiny green demon”. Winona calls her “kiddo” and “kid”.

Walter:

Walter refers to himself as a kid, but also makes reference to “the younger kids”, so he’s the oldest of the DST children. (Wilba might be his age or slightly older but she’s not in DST.) He also complains that toys and candy are “for little kids” or “kid stuff” and that he’s too old for them, and empathises with teenbirds’ awkward adolescence. My guess is that he’s 12 or 13, perhaps plus or minus a year; the same age range as a typical middle school student in modern Canada or America.

He refers to most of the human adults (Wilson, Wolfgang, Maxwell, Woodie, Wickerbottom, Wigfrid, Winona, and Warly) as Mr. %s or Ms. %s; the exceptions are Willow and Wes, who he doesn’t seem to respect as authority figures, possibly because of his passion for fire safety and distrust of clowns respectively.

Warly doesn’t use any particular title for him, Winona calls him “kid” in her quote for a Walter who’s revived somebody, and Wolfgang calls him “boy who tell the scary stories”. Woodie calls him “kiddo” when he’s a ghost. Wurt calls him “pine boy”.

Unlike Webber or Wurt his introductory description from the Steam and Klei forums pages for his update doesn’t reference his young age, nor does his Compendium page, but one of his skin sets is called the Boy Detective.

Wanda:

Unlike every other character, Wanda has an Age meter, so her age can be measured directly. She enters the game at the age of 38. Of course, now that she’s in the Constant her aging process works even more strangely than everyone else’s, progressing forwards at unnatural speed but also able to be reversed by years at a time, and she can physically be as young as 20 or as old as 79. (She can’t go back further than 20, and she dies at age 80.) But presumably 38 was the age she was before her timeline broke.

Charlie:

Seems to be an adult at the time of the William Carter Puzzles. My guess is that she’s meant to be in her twenties, although I couldn’t say whether that’s early, late, or mid twenties. (Hypothetically she could be 18-19 in her earliest appearance - bearing in mind that the William Carter Puzzles span multiple years - or she could be in her early to mid thirties and happen to be big-eyed and babyfaced, at the other extreme.) As the Nightmare Queen she vaguely looks older in most shots, but it’s mostly because she has a more jaded and regal expression compared to her old wide-eyed look, and she looks about the same when she opens her eyes all the way to grin evilly in the Forge cinematic. She does seem to have a different, longer chin shape in the DST era than she does in the William Carter puzzles, however.

[flourchildwrites]

Witch, Please!  Fictober 2019  (21/31)

A multi-fandom Fictober prompt compilation.  Your wish is my command, but be careful what you ask for.  You just might get it.

Prompt:  “Trapped” from Writetober 2019 Prompt List

Fandom:  Miraculous Ladybug

Relationship/Pairing:  Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Genre:  Seven Minutes in Heaven, Possible Reveal

Rating:  Teen And Up Audiences

Word Count:  1,371 words

Read on AO3

The rules were simple. Or so she thought.

With 6 minutes and 50 seconds of heaven left, Marinette Dupain-Cheng felt less like a superhero in disguise and more like a regular 15-year-old, forced into a closet by her best friend after a shady spin of the ol’ bottle. With or without the assistance of her kwami, Marinette thought she might be able to escape if things got too awkward. Or perhaps, she could just ooze underneath the closet door when the brilliance of Adrien Agrest turned her into a puddle of teenage angst.

It was one thing to pine for Adrien from afar. It was quite another to find oneself sitting face-to-face with him while swatting at the ends of Alya’s dresses and trying not to crush her best friend’s shoes.

On second thought, Marinette positioned herself squarely on top of a pair of inexpensive loafers and wiggled back and forth to pin several hanging garments behind her. She should have suspected this was a setup from the moment the words, 'seven minutes in heaven,' left Alya’s lips. The only mystery was how the budding journalist had managed to get Adrien, of all people, to play this cringe-worthy middle-school game.

As for Marinette, well, Alya hadn’t exactly given her a choice. And for as long as Marinette could remember, in real life, her luck had always been wanting. She’d just have to bear the awkwardness with dignity, praying for the small mercy of an akuma attack to interrupt Alya’s party. But the electric pulses of Nino’s subwoofer coming through the closet door did not sound promising.

Marinette glanced at her watch. 6 minutes and 40 seconds left. 39… 38… 37...

The incognito superhero wondered if the door was really locked. Nearly 30 seconds of crushing silence were punishment enough for Adrien, and Marinette smiled awkwardly as she grasped at loose ends of prospective dialogue. The creases of her forced grin pressed into her cheeks, and she swore that Adrien would be able to hear her heartbeat as it thumped loudly in her chest.

“Listen, Marinette...” Adrien said. He broke the conversation embargo with that easy grin of his, the one that used to stare at Marinette from the pictures she had plastered all over her bedroom walls. Now, they sat in a box at the bottom drawer of her desk, and her desktop background had changed to a picture of Kitty Section, featuring their fantastic lead guitarist, Luca.

Over the past few months, lots of things had changed.

Marinette shook her head to clear the emotional cobwebs. It wasn’t fair to think about Luca in Adrien’s presence. Or vice versa.

“... I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. The way Nino explained the rules, all we have to do is stay in here for 7 minutes. 6 now, I think.”

Well, technically, it was 6 minutes and 12 seconds, but who was counting.

“Yeah,” Marinette laughed nervously. She concentrated on forming sentences, enunciating each word as if the well-being of Paris hinged upon her lacking linguistic talents. Thoughts of Kagami and the mysterious girl Adrien had mentioned on their way back from the wax museum flooded her mind, and for whatever reason, these thoughts helped. Speaking of which…

“I just thought that Kagami might not be happy about a game like this. She might get the wrong idea.”

“Why would she get the wrong idea?”

Bless his naive, homeschooled heart. The way he said that made it sound like he really didn’t know.

“Y-You know, it’s seven m-minutes in heaven,” Marinette shrugged, shocked that her words hadn’t failed her completely. “We’re supposed to m-ma…”

“-make out?” Adrien supplied. Through the cover of darkness, Marinette could swear she saw him smirking. “Or talk, tell secrets. Whatever we can both agree to. Why would Kagami get the wrong idea?”

Did she really have to say it? Did she really have to give the fact that Kahami was perfect for Adrien more purchase by speaking it into being?

“B-because she likes you, of course. And she’s my friend. I don’t want to hurt her.”

There was a beat of silence wherein the walls seemed to tremble as if they could hear and understand the significance of this simple conversation. Marinette’s words passed between the two like a boomerang, back and forth, and for a moment, she believed that Adrien would heed her warning. Perhaps, he would leave her in the closet, alone once again with her secrets. But he shifted closer, inching his slim legs forward, making no move to grasp the doorknob. Instead, the young model reached for a stray lock of hair that had fallen free of Marinette’s trademark pigtails. He paused just shy of touching her.

“Can I tell you a secret?” he whispered.

She felt herself nod as his fingers tucked the raven-blue strands behind her ear, brushing a ladybug earring with a feather-light touch.

“I like your hair when it’s down,” Adrian confessed, “I like that I know something about you that most people don’t, and I’d like to know more.”

Sweet Kwami! Did he realize what he was doing to her? Did shy, pure Adrien Agreste know that he sounded the smallest bit cocky when he said things like that. Almost like a certain cat-like companion that Ladybug had come to treasure.

And Marinette would be lying if she said she did not miss Chat Noir’s friendly flirting. After years of discouraging his affection, she expected to feel solace in the absence of his playful advances. Instead, there was only wanting silence where pet names should have been. The occasional fist bump did little to fill the void that Chat’s grandiose gestures left.

“And what about Kagami?” she asked again.

And what about Luca? Shouldn’t she be asking herself that question too?

“I like her,” Adrien said. His pale eyelashes fluttered over emerald green irises, as coy and self-assured as she’d ever seen them. “But I haven’t made up my mind just yet. There’s another girl I like.”

Marinette inwardly scoffed at her terrible, terrible luck. Here they were, trapped in a closet. His legs bent over hers. So close that they might just kiss on accident. And not only had she brought up Kagami -- twice -- but now Adrien was confessing a second crush to her.

She absolutely wouldn’t, absolutely couldn’t ask…

“Who?”

The amused laugh that purred in Adrien’s throat was unexpected (though not unwelcome), to say the least.

“I’m afraid that’s all the secrets I can spill today, my lady. Besides, I think our time is just about-”

What transpired next would remain a mystery to Marinette for - she was sure - as long as she lived. And seeing as Kagami had both a jealous streak as well as expertise with swords, the teenage girl might not survive their next meeting. But hearing the phrase “my lady” again had hit Marinette hard. An atrophied part of her heart sprang to life as she leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on Adrien’s cheek.

Though the gesture was not romantic or passionate, her lips his skin, all soft and supple flesh. But suddenly, Marinette could smell the night air in Adrien’s hair, and with her cheek pressed so close, she could feel the slight indentation where a mask might have sat. Quickly, the two teens pulled apart, and Marinette stared at Adrien with nostalgic eyes, feeling as if it was the first time she’d ever seen him as more than a sum of pieces and parts.

For a moment, she thought he might have felt the same.

“My lady, I-”

“Time’s up!”

The closet door flew open, and light stung Marinette’s eyes. Alya Cesaire stood proudly at the threshold of her closet, with one hand still on the doorknob and the other on her hip. Though initially disappointed not to catch the couple mid-act, the fox miraculous holder allowed room for pause. She searched the shell-shocked expression on Marinette’s face and smirked with a satisfied set to her jaw.

“Everything alright in there?” she asked, winking in Marinette’s direction. “You two sure the cat didn’t get into the cream.”

The rules to this game of Chat and Ladybug were so much more complicated than Marinette could ever have guessed.

A/N:   I really wasn't sure this one would be done in time, but I’m thrilled to post it anyway. I'm so in love with the MLB fics that are able to bring the love square full circle (so to speak, lol). I hope I was able to do it some justice. By now, you all know the drill. Feel free to send me pairing requests for particular prompts (Fictober or original) via my tumblr, and if you read something you like, don't hesitate to let me know. Your kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions, comments, likes and reblogs make my day!

[anxiety-n-chill]

Draft of My Ohmtoonz Fanfic

Chapter Warnings:

Homophobia, Cursing, Mention of shooting and guns and death, Mental Breakdown, Crying, Abuse, Anxiety, Insecurities.

____________________________________

    Sickness was not always physical. For example, depression.

I had always been a happy person, or at least I tried my best, but recently it's become impossible to even fake it. I know it's just petty internet shit, we all deal with haters, but it's not the same. These people seem to know me, know my weaknesses.

'Your shit sucks, Luke. Fucking quit already'.

'Faggot!'

'You and Ohmwrecker god fucking queers'.

'Your father must fucking be so disappointed'.

'Should've been aborted'.

Positive people, true fans, protected me in the replies, but it didn't help. These just struck me. It's like they knew...knew about my secrets.

My laptop interrupted my thoughts with the familiar ring of a Skype call. I debated on ignoring it, but keeping myself in this depressing slump would just make things worse. I scooted my chair away from my setup and grabbed the laptop off my bed. I briefly smiled and the little collage of bunny stickers.

Opening up, I see the call was from the one and only Ohmwrecker. With a breathy chuckle, I answer.

"Good day, Ohmie," I greet. As usual, Ohm had his camera turned off, and I returned it with my own camera off.

"Toonzy! How's you?" Ryan's little giggle sends another smile on my face.

"Good..." I swallow as the hate comments return in my mind. Ryan catches this somehow; he's one of my best friends, of course he would.

Ryan gets serious. "Don't lie to me, Luke. What's up, man?"

I sigh and admit I had read the hate comments on my recent video. This isn't the first time I've put myself through torment like this, and Ryan had comforted me then too.

"Oh, Luke," Ryan says quietly, "We talked about this. Maybe it's best to turn off the comments on videos if they're getting bad like that."

"It would raise questions from fans," I answer, "And I can't ignore the true fans. I just...I just wish I was so damn sensitive."

"You're not sensitive, Luke," Ryan comforts, "Maybe go over to Del's house for a bit. He'd certainly get your mind off things."

I debate this for a minute. It wouldn't be a bad idea, and I haven't hung out with Jon in a while.

"Yeah I think I will," I say, "I'll text him now. I'll call you later, maybe we can record? Oh, also, thanks for the bunny stickers."

I hear Ryan give another laugh.

"Of course, Toonzy. See ya."

"Love ya, man."

And with that, I end the call. I place the laptop back onto my bed and return to my setup. Grabbing my phone, I send a quick text to Jon.

'yo u open to hang?'

I doubted he would be awake at 2pm, but it was worth a shot. To my surprise, my phone dinged soon after I laid it down.

'helllll yeah! just cum ovr whenevr man'

'k, ill get there in about an hour'

'cool beans'

I lay my phone back down and look at my desktop. The comments were still open on the screen.

'Faggot'.

'Queer'.

'Burn in hell, gay bitch'.

I close the tab with a sharp inhale. Ryan is right, looking at these won't help. I need to get out.

Before I change my mind, I go get a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. Freshening up and splashing some water on my face calms me down a bit. I slide on my boots and grab my phone, then my keys.

I head out of my house, making sure to lock my door behind me. As I walk to the driver's side of my car, I reach over my hood to swat away the neighborhood stray cat off. It gives me a disapproving look and runs away into the hole of my neighbor's fence.

As soon as my car starts, a song softly starts to play though the speakers.

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you."

That's depressing, too depression for me. I click the station off and connect it to Bluetooth, quickly restarting a podcast I had began last week.

Nothing interesting broke me from my depressing and lonely thoughts on the way over to Jon's. I guess the universe wants me to suffer.

The ride wasn't as long as I expected, guess I zoned out. Turning off my phone and car, I exit and make my way up to Jon's front door.

The doorbell was able to be faintly heard outside, though it was drowned out by the sound of pounding footsteps.

Jon opens the door wide and stands there with a big smile. "CARTOONZ," he laughs loudly.

Jon, surprisingly, was a lot taller than me, even taller than Bryce. He had black hair than stayed in a short buzz, and he has a bit of a stumble on his chin. His skin was very pale, and his eyes were a dark gray. Jon is a lanky fellow, but don't doubt his strength. He's a stubborn bitch.

"Hey, man," I chuckle and give him a quick hug. He closes the door behind me and leads me into his kitchen.

"Coke?" I nod and he tosses a Pepsi to me and grabs a 7up for himself. I silently disagree with his choice, but hey, he's a hater of Pepsi and is kink enough to keep some in his fridge for me.

"So what's good," he asks as he leaps up onto his counter to sit. I lean against on the counter beside him.

"Um..." I know I should talk to him about it, but Jon is like my little brother. I shouldn't put this all on him.

  "Ey man," Jon says more seriously, "What's wrong, Luke."

  I give him the same story as Ryan. My heart feels heavy again.

  Jon's knuckles are white at the edge of the countertop. "Fucking assholes. Wish I could teach em a lesson," he growls.

  "Jon, they're probably kids.." I say. Jon nods but is still tense.

  "I don't want anything to happen to you, Luke," he says quietly, "Not after high school."

  I gulp. I dated Jon's sister, Lucille, in high school, and me and Jon got close. Though her and I aren't together now, him and I still see each other as family. I grew up with depression, and Jon was there along with Lucille. They saw the worst of me.

  "I'm not a teen anymore," I mumble, "I should be able to handle this."

  "You aren't expect to handle shit! Lil fuckfaces shoulda grow up!" he says sternly. I smile a bit at his frustrated face.

  "I know, Jonny," I sigh, "but hey, they're not wrong..."

  Jon snorts, "They are. Bein' bi don't make you uh-uh fag!"

  I came out to Jon a bit after I left Lucille. It wasn't a rough breakup, even after dating for 8 years. We both knew it just wasn't for us as adults, more like a teen fling. Anyway, coming out to Jon was rough. He was accepting, and even told me he was gay. We cried together in our shared apartment. Afterwards, we drank cheep beer and played Mario cart.

  I give a little chuckle and Jon belts out a loud laugh. This is why this dumbfuck was my best friend. He can never fail to make me laugh.

"Hey, so me and Ohm wanna record t'night," I say after we calm down, "You up for some?" I see Jon dart his eyes for a second and bite the inside of his mouth. Fuck, what did this boy do now.

"Uh well I gots plans," he says awkwardly, "I promise Ev-Vanoss...that I'd play GTA." That's nothing unusual, so why is he all flustered?

"What's up, though? You're gettin all red," I ask with concern. Jon takes a chug from his 7up and swallows slowly to waste time.

"Uh...Vanoss wants to meet up."

"Oh shit," I gasp. Jon hasn't met the others- in person at least. Meaning they haven't seen his face. None of them know why he don't show his face expect me.

Bullies fucking suck.

"So...are you gonna?" I ask after a pause. Jon gulps and shrugs.

"I wanna...b-but ya know man," he sighs, "What if it gets online, or he expect something else."

I've heard this from Jon many times whenever he brings up fans wanting a face reveal. But this is different. This is his best friend Evan asking.

"Don't if you don't wanna 100%," I say, "I'll go with you if that'ul help." Jon nods and finishes his drink.

"I'll think about it."

After a few hours of watching movies and playing games, I say bye and head home. As soon as I do, a text lights up my phone.

'you home, toonz?'

I quickly unlock my phone to answer Ryan.

'yeah am now wuzzup?'

'bryce wants to play duo with me on some new game, trynna see what game you got in mind'

'uno?'

'I'm up for it, maybe he can join and put off his game'

'cool with me'

I head to my bedroom after grabbing a slice of pizza from last nights dinner. I open up my desktop and go to tumblr just to waste time as Ryan tries to convince Bryce to play.

- - -

So this is the first chapter (draft) and I would like opinions! There’s another little part after this that switches to Del’s POV with Vanoss n shit but I’m pretty solid on that. Feel free to criticize :3

[munjade]

do not reblog

finally making the post for mobile. let me know if the cut doesn’t work

Rules--

Before we interact you must…

have a properly displayed muse

have easily accessible posted information regarding your muse in a section or page

have easily accessible posted rules / guidelines in a section or page

for AU’s, you must have posted information regarding your muse within the fandom universe in its own section or page

make sure I am following you

cut threads

I Won’t

roleplay sex, generally. there may be a few exceptions, but keep the standard that i probably won’t. sexual content, perhaps, if all muns involved are over 18.

tolerate any sexual advances toward myself ooc

roleplay inserts

always follow back, nor will I follow personals

tolerate pressuring, be it to rp in general or consistent pestering to answer threads

answer everything in my inbox. It’s not often I ignore asks, but I won’t answer something if it violates my rules. If I have difficulty answering something, I will privately message senders or make public inquires about anonymous messages.

Please Don’t:

reblog meme asks. I don’t mind this so much, but it keeps things cleaner when they’re moved to a new post.

reblog inbox answers for non starter memes. examples would be mun opinions and the like but extend to headcanons and other writing. violators will be asked to delete the post and may be blocked.

reblog threads you are not a part of. warnings will be given to violating rp blogs, but personals will be instantly blocked.

reblog personal posts, especial images of myself. violators will be instantly blocked.

I am open to

multiple threads

duplicates of other muses (i do not rp duplicates of my own muse, but I usually have other muses in the fandom which I will be more than happy to interact with there, no twins etc)

shipping, though I will be highly selective, possibly exclusive. I will not instant ship, but I don’t mind developing our muses’ relationship privately over DMs.

mutli verse and/or polyshipping as befits all the muses and muns involved

rping toxic relationships of any sort

angst and/or triggering threads, though I would prefer to discuss  the thread and tagging beforehand

crack threads

select AUs

ask/tagged initiated threads/starters but I ask for some warning if they are not from a meme or other prompt

responses of any length, so long as it is enough to reasonably work with for the pace of our thread

group threads

generally questionable plots. regardless of whether or not I approve of such practices ooc isn’t usually relevant. this is fictional, exploration of an idea– not a real-world execution of that idea. Feel free to DM for details.  

Please Also Note:

I do not require length to be matched and may not always match partner’s length. I will respond as much as I feel I am able to or that I feel is necessary.

If my response is inadequate, difficult to respond to, or otherwise distasteful, FEEL FREE to ask me to redo my response.

Understand that my selectivity will depend on my comfort level and that I am not obligated to explain myself.

I tag all my threads as “thread”

I tag my partner’s url

if partner’s url changes, I will tag both old and new urls for the first response then only the new url going forward.

I generally tag triggers as “trigger tw”. same with general cw’s. i’m not the best with tagging, so let me know if I should watch for stuff in particular

my activity is generally a joke, but I’m constantly lurking, so feel free to drop a message

I am incredibly anxious. It doesn’t matter if we have late night conversations for like a month straight i will still be afraid to talk to you every. single. time. so always feel free to come whack me on the head or smth

while I can be very laid back / crack-ish, I do prefer to explore darker themes and my thread responses are much more serious than I come off as.

Blacklisted / Ask to Tag:

nsfw (for general safe scrolling)

“little space” related

“daddy,” “mommy,” etc

a/o/b related

pregnancy related

vivid depiction of sensory / memory alteration (particularly in images, but not excluded to)

unreality (also especially, but not limited to, images)

Of course I can’t require people tag these, but I will most likely not follow you if your post these regularly and do not have some warning which will be picked up by blacklist applications.

In regards to the sensory alteration, I mean things like seeing/hearing/etc things that aren’t there, mis-remembering or outright tampering with memory, etc. It’s kind of situation to situation on what gets me, but when it does it tends to hit me pretty hard. If you have any questions about it, fire away! [ example text post ]

On unreality, this somewhat relates to the above, I use this as a catch all phrase for images, vivid descriptions, and most especially videos/gifs of things that basically don’t behave or seem to behave as they should. Sometimes, I’ve seen these things tagged as “trippy” and the like, but they those posts tend to be too…idk how to put it. Extra? What tends to get me is when things are going fairly linear and then suddenly go for a loop. That’s not the greatest description, but here’s a few posts that have triggered me the worst that I’ve slowly gotten used to.  There are also things which should seem fine or normal but aren’t. If anyone has a better description for this, by all means let me know! example posts [ one ] / [ two ] /  [ three ] + a weird image that also gets me for some reason. hmvent is actually a blog I use to store things that trigger me so I can slowly get used to them or try and figure out what it is / why these things get to me.

ABOUT MUN 

basics

Name: Jade/Cova Age: 19 Birthday: April 1st (no joke) Height: 4ft 8in Residence: California Timezone: GMT -8

identity

Pronouns: he/him (rarely, she/her) Gender: genderfluid Romantic Attraction: panromantic, polyamorous Sexual Attraction: fraysexual, aegosexuality Ethnicity: Filipino-Italian

personality

MBTI: ENTP Horoscope: Aries Sun, Capricorn Moon, Scorpio Rising Alignment: Chaotic Neutral HP Houses: Slytherin Ennegram: 3w4 Force Alignment: Sith

A few other things to note;

I have very little time to access a desktop but can access most things through the tumblr app, mobile site or mobile version of the desktop site.

I am, at any given time, at least working 1 full time job and 1 part time job but I have gone up to as many as 2 full time, 2 part time and one as-needed jobs at once. That being said, my responses / activity may be slow.

on my main fandom blogs, I tend to make a lot of original shitposts / ooc posts.

I am usually quite willing to give out my PM apps and such (Discord, LINE, SnapChat, etc) but do not roleplay on them.

[mega-aggron]

ask meme 1-140

i almost forgot to throw this under a read more oops

3 Fearsinsignificance, being a burden, violence

3 things I lovepokemon, friends, nice shades of blue

2 turns ongood hugger, beard

2 turns offsmoking/drugs, aggression

My best frienddon’t really have One but the ol grunge contrast boys and the dcc + jared and me squad are all v important to me

Sexual orientationjust like… so fucking gay dude

How tall am I6′3″ / 190cm

What do I miss right nowa lot of my friends have moved out for the summer

Favourite colorturquoise / teal

Do I have a crushnot like… super consciously……. but i think i’m still working through some subconscious stuff……………..

Favourite placetough one. idk i’m good pretty much anywhere my friends are. if food’s there it’s also a plus

What am I listening to right nowmake it happen - john splithoff

Shoe sizesame as the number of this question

Eye colorblue

Hair colorbrownish blond naturally, front top is currently a faded green / bleach blond (i need to redye…. i’m not too huge a fan of the bleach blond look but others seem to like it on me)

Meaning behind my URLbig ol’ pokeboy

Favourite songall time is a tough one, my usual answer is bandages by hey rosetta! but i’m also super partial to lorde’s hard feelings / loveless and paramore’s last hope among others

Favourite bandtop 3: paramore, chvrches, hey rosetta!

How I feel right nowkinda wistful. just got back from 16 days of travel with some of my closest friends and it’s been a noticeable change in tone coming back to this coast and reacclimating to not being surrounded by friends for literally every waking moment.

Someone I lovemy mom? is that a cop out answer

My current relationship statussingle as ever

My relationship with my parentsmom and stepdad a+, dad irrelevant

Favourite seasoni usually answer summer bc it has my birthday and i was always off of school but i think i have a new fondness for spring

Tattoos and piercing i havenone

Tattoos and piercing i wantnot sure yet. probably no piercings but maybe some song lyric or video game related tattoos

The reasons I joined Tumblra friend was like “you seem like a tumblr person” so i got one but then i asked to follow her and she said she actually didn’t have one so i got stuck in this eternal sinkhole

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?i did like once when i was talking to a guy from tinder like a year and a half ago but then he ghosted me lmao

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?it’s my sibling so like yes in a “love you, take care” goodbye way but not in the manner this question was supposed to be answered

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?if i’m showering like 45 minutes, otherwise as little as 10

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?nope

Where am I right now?back in my apartment after two weeks on the west coast and two days at my parents’ home

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?reasonable i guess? gotta protect those ears man, hearing loss is no joke

Do I live with my Mom and Dad?nope. haven’t since summer before junior year

Am I excited for anything?just visited a whole bunch of apartments today and i filled out an intent to lease form for one of them so that’s exciting

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?idk? at some points in my life i have but at this point i don’t really tell everything everything to like… anyone lol

How often do I wear a fake smile?[paramore’s fake happy playing in the distance]

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?sara bareilles? the mcelboys? idk

What do I think about most?usually i don’t have one specific thing i think about a lot. as of late one of them has been….. trying to sort through some Gay Emotions re: stopping myself from falling for a straight friend again and trying to break that cycle and i think i’ve finally done it [lmao expect a /tagged/personal post sometime soon]

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?depends. i get that Sweet Validation from being in front of it but i also really value behind the scenes work

What was the last lie I told?i couldn’t tell ya. haven’t had to tell one recently

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?if it’s with friends i’m fine with either? theres always something nice about seeing someone’s face but it’s not necessarily an all-the-time thing

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts: not reallyaliens: hell yeah

Do I believe in magic?in a young girl’s heart?(nah but showmanship is a hell of a skill)

Do I believe in luck?nah

What’s the weather like right now?it’s dark and i’m not opening my windowit’ll probably be 94 degrees by the time i post this after i sleep and wake up to finish more questions

What was the last book I’ve read?my brother’s husband by gengoroh tagame! just some good gay content that i found in portland at a giant bookstore that i recognized from tumblr. can’t wait for volume 2 to come out in september

Do I have any nicknames?friends sometimes call me 7, and i get called steve occasionally and really dislike it

Do I spend money or save it?mostly save. though i kinda splurged on this travel trip because it’s the last time i’m gonna be able to do something like this for quite a while.

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?no i’m apparently medically tongue tied so i can’t stick my tongue out that far

Favourite animal?i really like sea otters! also elephants and chinchillas and dogs

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?being jet lagged

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?nsp’s cover of everybody wants to rule the world

What is my favorite word?idk i have a list of cool sounding words on my phonedynamo is the first one on that list so i’ll roll with that

My top 5 blogs on tumblrah

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?just fuckin.... have empathy once in a while

Do I have any relatives in jail?i don’t think so? i think my dad might’ve been in/out of jail at some point bc he never pays child support but i haven’t talked to him in years so idk

What is my current desktop picture?(attached at the bottom of this post)

Had sex?no

Bought condoms?no they just gave them out for free at college and then i don’t have a use for them

Gotten pregnant?that seems.... difficult

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?not that i can recall

Had job?yeah, a few over my college years and now a more permanent one coming up

Smoked weed?no and i don’t plan on it

Smoked cigarettes?no and i don’t plan on it

Drank alcohol?yep

Am I a vegetarian/vegan?nope

Been overweight?uh i was a super “chunky” baby as i am often told

Been underweight?i think i’ve teetered on that line a few times esp. as i was hitting growth spurts but i’m past that now

Gotten my heart broken?yeah quite a few timesnot in like the “relationship that went south” way but just falling for straight guys over and over and the inevitability of what that comes with

Been to prom?yeah it was fun

Been in airplane?tons. i’ve been on 5 in the past 2 weeks

Learned another language?i learned a fair bit of chinese in middle/high school. still retain more of it than i expected to. tried learning korean on duolingo for a bit but i don’t think that course is quite there yet on the platform

Wore make up?not that i recall? unless like facepaint counts

Dyed my hair?plenty! probably gonna do it again soon

Had a surgery?i had my wisdom teeth taken out, i think that’s about it

Met someone famous?winston and i met mat kearney before a concert in march so that was cool

Stalked someone on a social network?it’s easier than you’d think

Been fishing?yes but not in the past like 10 years

Been rejected by a crush?every time babey

What do I want for birthday?UHHHHHHHH wowzers idk. new apartment furnishings maybe?

Do I like my handwriting?it’s ok! not my fave i’ve seen but still good

Where do I want to live when older?dunno yet! probably a big city of some sort but likely not nyc or la

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?not in recent memory anyway. 

What I’m really bad atwidowmaker

What my greatest achievments arewinning hackmit probably? also i graduated so that’s fun

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to menot today, satan

What I’d do if I won in a lotteryinvest, donate, splurge

What do I like about myselfi like to think that i’m friendly? and pretty good at avoiding conflict

My closest Tumblr friendgrunge contrast bois

Any question you’d like??

Are you outgoing or shy?shy for the most part around people i don’t know. occasional bursts of outgoing if i need to meet people but that’s few and far between

What kind of people are you attracted to?people who make me laugh and look like they give good hugs. bonus for beards and being bigger than me.

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?probs not but who knows! i’m open to the possibility but not exactly looking right now so odds are low i guess

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?depends on who with? but also i just like... can’t contribute much beyond theorycrafting lmao

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?noa and i had a p deep talk driving from mt. hood to multnomah falls

What does the most recent text that you sent say?“uh slateport city”

What are your 5 favorite songs right now?as of late i’ve listened to a lot of sophie by the altogether, somebody else by the 1975, 200% by akdong musician, happy pills by norah jones, and swag午覺 by outlander

Do you like it when people play with your hair?i guess i don’t really mind it? but it’s not something i think about often

Do you think there is life on other planets?hopefully!! i just think that’s a super cool concept and the statistical likeliness of it is so high

Do you like bubble baths?have not had one in like 13 years but i imagine they’d still be just as nice

Do you like your neighbors?yeah they’re like my best friends

Where would you like to travel?japan (likely tokyo) and dubai (once they make being gay not prison-worthy and uhhhhh stop exploiting basically slave labor thanks)

Favorite part of your daily routine?i like just aimlessly browsing the web and pursuing what interests me

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?my frame i guess. i just don’t like being so thin but thems the bones i’ve got

What do you do when you wake up?wait until the last possible second before getting out of bed and dressed

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?idk??? i think i’m fine rn but i guess i wouldn’t mind a bit darker or like... at least the ability to tan instead of burn lmao

Do you ever want to get married?i think so!

If your hair long enough for a pony tail?some parts of it are surprisingly long but since my sides/back are short it’s not conducive to a ponytail. not that i’d really want that anyway

Would you rather live without TV or music?tv easily

Have you ever liked someone and never told them?it’s usually like... fall for someone who’s straight or otherwise unavailable, try to avoid feeling that way, fail, watch as feelings gradually become so overwhelming i get anxiety, tell said person, get rejectedexcept replace usually with alwaysso yeah i typically end up telling people i like them but it’s usually prefaced with “i know you can’t do anything about this but” and then ensuring we can still “just be friends”the cycle sucks but i figure it’s better to let someone know why i’ve been acting weird instead of just having them think i’m strange

What are your favorite stores to shop in?uniqlo for fashion, target for feeling a strange sense of comfort

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?i want to say yes but i also know i have very limited patience for people who show no remorse or do something extremely heinous

Do you smile at strangers?sometimes i do a small grin just so i don’t look like i’m glaring (thanks resting bitch face)

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?i don’t think so???

Ever wished you were someone else?transiently i guess? 

Favourite makeup brand?don’t use it

Last thing you ate?cheeky nando’s with the fam for dinner last night

Ever won a competition? For what?i won hackmit with a few friends for doing a cool coding thing! and a battle of the bands with the hip hop orchestra to open for lil dicky and t-pain. also i won a beauty pageant freshman year lmao

Ever been in love? i don’t think so. my usual interpretation of this is “reciprocated and romantic” which hasn’t happened yet

Facebook or Twitter?fb for messenger, twitter for content at this point

Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr i think, i just know the ins and outs here better than most other platforms

Are you watching tv right now?nope

What colour are your towels?gray or teal

Favourite ice cream flavour?vanilla is a good ol’ reliable. also a fan of moose tracks, cookie dough, mint chocolate chip, watermelon... the list is endless

First person you talked to today?line

Last person you talked to today?line (it’s like the only text i’ve sent since i woke up two hours ago)

Name a person you hate?tr*mp

Name a person you love?deja vu?

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?see 127

Do you tan a lot?NO I BURN

Have any pets?parents have a dog named zoe and i love her. i don’t own any myself

Do you type fast?i can? but i’m often laying on my side only using one hand to type so oops

Do you regret anything from your past?i dunno... a lot of the mistakes i’ve made help me get here today. so i’m not too worried.

Ever broken someone’s heart?not that i’m aware of. i’ve rejected a couple people before but that’s about it

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?yes.

Is cheating ever okay?no. though i used to think it was like 8000% unforgiveable like you cheat once, i cut you out of my life, but i saw an interesting video exploring why people cheat and possible ways to fix a relationship after an affair which helped change my thinking. it’s still a WILDLY super shitty thing to do and i would never, but it’s not a final nail in the coffin to me any more. but still an EXTREMELY quick way to shatter trust

Do you believe in true love?not like a fairy tale, but i do believe that you can reach a point of pure trust and love and support with a partner

What your zodiac sign?leo

Do you believe in ghosts?deja vu pt. two electric boogalooi don’t think so

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?“Dad! Dad, are you listening?!”(followed by “They put tempura in sushi in Canada!”) from my brother’s husbandand here’s the image of my desktop bg, sorry for the black borders idk what’s up with that

[tinasresources]

☕ How to make gifs! Beginner Tutorial ☕

Hey guys, so by popular demand [and me actually becoming a little bit less lazy] I have decided to release my own version of a gif tutorial - this is just a step-by-step guide on how I personally make my gifs, feel free to ask me for clarification on any bit of this. 

This is very PICTURE HEAVY and for beginners either in giffing or Photoshop in general - everything is explained in detail, from absolute scratch.

Please LIKE/REBLOG to spread the resource and if you found this helpful!!

Things you will need:

Photoshop CS6 [or any with timeline should do]

Avidemux

FreeStudio Video to JPG Converter

A gif sharpening action [the one I’m using has been deleted :’( but any will do!]

We’ll be making the gif below:

STEP 1 - FOOTAGE

This is a very important step, please try and download the highest quality content - things like 1080p and 720p are the best quality but you can find things in HDTV quality which are also workable! I won’t recommend any sites in particular because quite frankly I don’t trust many sites myself, but PLEASE be sure to have a good anti-virus.

STEP 2 - CUT CLIPS

I am assuming at this point you have the video you want to work with and you are ready to go. This is the point where you open Avidemux [download linked above]. You have to cut the clips you want to use; this honestly helps so much and will be an absolute lifesaver so believe me it is not a waste of time. The start screen will look like this:

File > Open [and then select your video of course] and let it load. When it loads, find the bit you want to gif.

Place the marker where you want the clip to start, and press the A button. Either let it play or fast-forward, it doesn’t really matter, to the point where you want it to end.

BEFORE YOU SAVE THE VIDEO - Please remember to change the OUTPUT FORMAT from AVI muxer, which it will be pre-selected on, to MP4 muxer, as seen below.

Now you’ve done that, you are ready to save. Top left hand corner, you should see the little symbol highlighted - this will then lead you to save to whatever folder you are more comfortable in finding it again, Videos is always a good category - NAME IT SOMETHING RELEVANT [for example grant1 cause I’m giffing several scenes by grant gustin or if you are giffing a particular scene, something said in that scene, like ‘right back at ya’ or if it’s a particular scene, something like ‘shave’, ‘dance’ etc.

STEP 3 - SCREENCAPS

So, in order to create your gifs, you have to screencap your clips. I am actually going to link a tutorial already made of this programme HERE, and clarify only my settings, as seen below. Make sure you select EVERY FRAME when doing gifs, and make sure you set the location to somewhere on your desktop [if you’re doing more than one clip, having a subfolder on your desktop may be easier for keeping them together!] 

When you are done, go and sort your caps into subfolders [the caps that are going to be 1 gif, should go into a subfolder] Numbering these is probably the easiest way to do it. Try and keep in mind the size of the folder, and I wouldn’t recommend more than say 60 frames for each gif estimated depending on the size you are using.

STEP 4 - LET’S START GIFFING!

^^^ OK so you have capped your clips, and you have sorted them into subfolders [each subfolder being a gifs worth of caps] Open your Photoshop, and then FILE > SCRIPTS > LOAD MULTIPLE DICOM FILES.

Pick the subfolder from the place you saved it - and simply click OK. The above gif was titled ‘8′ in the folder. Wait until it loads, depending on the amount of frames and the size it can take a little while.

STEP 5 - TIMELINE 

[Ignore the little icon of Danielle Panabaker in the corner, it’s just the PSD I created that I will be using later to colour] Once the frames have loaded, your screen will look similar to this - Click on ‘CONVERT VIDEO TIMELINE’

This is how your screen will look! Press the little three squares in the bottom left hand side of the screen [highlighted yellow for you]

First thing you need to do in order to not forget - click on the above and switch it to ‘Forever’ otherwise your gif will be static after it runs fully once, which is useless for us as gif makers. Now let us proceed.

STEP 6 - FRAMES FROM LAYERS/DELAY

Above you will see highlighted the steps you need to follow - click on the icon highlighted and choose the option MAKE FRAMES FROM LAYERS.

You actually can’t see in the above but there will now be a bunch of frames on the bottom of your screen in your Timeline. Press on the highlighted icon once again and press SELECT ALL FRAMES [you can do this manually of course but sometimes this is actually easier].

Click on ANY of the arrows on any of the frames and you’ll see the above options coming up - click OTHER. I always set mine at 0.05 and this tends to be the correct setting :)

STEP 7 - CONVERT TO VIDEO TIMELINE

After having set your delay - press the highlighted icon and click CONVERT TO VIDEO TIMELINE.

STEP 8 - CROP/RESIZE

Now, you can do this step at any point really, but I have decided to do it here - when you become a bit more used to it you can do it closer to the beginning but it’s using the crop tool to make the gif your wanted shape. If you want a square, the top left hand should be changed from 2/3 to 1/1. UNCLICK THE DELETE CROPPED PIXELS OPTION until you feel confident enough that you won’t need to alter your cropping!

SIZE - Press Ctrl+Shift+i and that should bring up the above screen - edit to your liking [anything over 300px width will stretch unless it’s actually 540 or larger] I usually go for 245 for my gif packs, but if I’m making a gifset, the dimensions are 270 [for 2 gifs side by side]

STEP 9 - SHARPENING

In order to Sharpen [I would always recommend you do this btw] press SELECT>ALL LAYERS && FILTER>CONVERT FOR SMART FILTERS. The result can be seen below - this is what it looks like when you’ve done it correctly! :)

Go to your ACTIONS, and then select the action you have loaded into Photoshop [tutorial on loading actions into photoshop] and press the play button, all of which have been highlighted below. It will then look the way it does below [it needs to replicate layers etc so it will go from a single thing to a couple of frames/edited, that is normal!]

STEP 10 - APPLY YOUR PSD

What it says on the tin tbh - open your PSD and drag it onto the gif, you will be fine!

STEP 11 - SAVE YOUR GIF

You can either do what I do and use a shortcut Ctrl+Shift+Alt+S, or you can go to FILE>SAVE FOR WEB. Either way, you will come up to this screen - You need to do some things here:

Make sure the bottom left hand side, the gif is smaller than EITHER 2mb if it’s for a gif pack [or to be placed in text threads of any sort] OR 3mb if it’s for a gifset that is going to be placed in the image section of Tumblr rather than a text thread.

Make sure you change the ‘Once’ to ‘Forever’ YOU NEED TO DO THIS EVEN IF YOU DID IT BEFORE because it automatically switches back every time which is irritating but you gotta do it!

Click SAVE. Save to the folder of your choice.

ET VOILA!!

You have produced a gif - congrats love! It gets a hell of a lot easier with practice and you can always make an action of the way you make it which makes it a lot easier to make them and a lot faster!

[kingjinxii]

The Persona Waifu Rant

Since so many of you can’t seem to get it through your thick skulls...

ALL ROMANCES IN ANY GAME ARE NOT CANON

(This includes Yukari, Rise, Marie, Makoto, Ann, Futaba, Maki, and, unfortunately, Jun.)

Let’s look at the details.

What is canon?

Canon is defined by anything as is confirmed to happen in a fictional universe. (For example, it’s canon the the Persona 4 Protagonist goes to Inaba, it’s canon that the Persona 5 Protagonist’s codename is Joker, it’s canon that the Persona 3 Protagonist, at the end of the game...well...uh...you know.)

In the universe of Persona, the games are considered canon. Nothing outside of the games is considered canon, and even then, canon begins to blur.

To put it on a timeline:

Persona 1, obviously, happened first, followed by Persona 2: Innocent Sin. Due to the destruction of the world in P2:IS, a new world is created, the world of Persona 2: Eternal Punishment. That is followed by Persona 3: The Journey (aka the main campaign from Persona 3 FES), Persona 3: The Answer, Persona 4: Golden (with Persona Q in the middle), Persona 4 Arena, Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, Persona 4 Dancing All Night, and finally, Persona 5.

Simplified:

P1 - P2:IS

[Timeline Recreated]

P2:EP - P3:J - P3:A - P4G (PQ) - P4U - P4AU - P5

What is NOT canon?

Here’s a short list of things that are DEFINITELY not canon.

Anime adaptions

Manga adaptions

Manga anthologies

Stage shows

Word Of God

Essentially any work that is not the games themselves

Why are these things not canon? To put it simply, it’s because they were written and usually directed by someone else, and as such, they are largely ignored by the canon of the games. Adaptions are just that: interpretations of a work, of the way things could have gone. Now, some things from adaptions may become canon in later works (such as the Persona 4 Protagonist being named “Yu Narukami” like in the anime in Arena), but for the most part, you can cross those off the list.

Some of you may be calling me mad for insisting that only the games are canon. And, in a sense, you are right. There can be multiple canons.

For example, in one, Naoto grows her hair really long and gains a new Persona. In another, adults lose their Personas at a certain age. And in yet another, a protagonist gets together with a love interest.

But those are all interpretations of the same source canon (the games).

Heck, even a person on staff claiming that one character is the canon relationship does not mean that it is. That is one person’s opinion, and unless canon reflects that, it will stay one person’s headcanon.

Think of the anime adaptions, manga adaptions , and manga anthologies as legal fanfiction. Just because it happens in one author’s interpretation, doesn’t mean it happens in another.

And, when we get into the context of the games, the line is still blurry. And that’s where the problem with “canon waifus” starts.

Social Links Aren’t Canon.

This is a very controversial statement, but I feel it needs to be said. 

Why do I say this?

To put it in short, it’s because most of them are optional. If they’re optional, it means that they can be ignored, that you don’t have to pursue them. It’s all according to taste.

Of course there are ones that are canon: the ones driven by plot.

Plot-Driven Social Links By Game

[Note: P1 and P2 did not have social links.]

[Note 2: I am only including canonly completed Social Links. Social Links that are started by plot, but not finished by plot (or vice versa in the case of Tohru Adachi’s Social Link) are not included.]

[Note 3: The World/The Universe is not listed because they are not Social Links.]

Persona 3

S.E.E.S./Nyx Annihilation Team (The Fool and Judgement)

Pharos (Death)

Persona 4

The Investigation Team/The Seekers of Truth (The Fool and Judgement)

Teddie (The Star)

Persona 5 (A.K.A. Canon Confidants)

Igor (The Fool)

Morgana (The Magician)

Goro Akechi (Justice)

Sae Niijima (Judgement)

Now, there is evidence to suggest that the P3 and P4 Protagonists did complete other social links, as evidenced in The Answer and Arena but the difference is that none of the girls’ Social Links they were implied to have completed was acknowledged as romantic.

Rise still stays in the idol industry, Chie decides to become a police officer, Yukiko stays at the Inn, Marie finds out about her true self, but none of them are called Yu’s girlfriends.

Even in Eternal Punishment, while Tatsuya, the protagonist of Innocent Sin retains his memories, never reveals how he responded to Lisa’s feelings, whether it was to reciprocate, or turn her down in favor of someone else.

But let’s discuss one of the girls many people cite as the only “canon” romance...

The Answer and The Friendzone

Yukari Takeba is often cited as the only canon romance due to the existence and canonicity of Persona 3: The Answer.

For all of you who don’t know, The Answer was a short extension of Persona 3 in which you play as Aigis, who has inherited the power of the Wild Card from the protagonist after his death and must destroy a time loop trapping S.E.E.S. on March 31st.

This leads to them discovering the Abyss of Time and the only two exits.

One leads to the present.

The other leads to the past, before the protagonist sacrificed himself.

Only one can be opened.

Of course, the majority of S.E.E.S. agrees that the past should be left alone. Yukari, however, does not, for a single selfish reason.

She wants to see the protagonist again.

Many people cite this as being because she was dating the protagonist at the time of his death. But, I have watched the entirety of The Answer (as I have not played it myself) and I have found no mention of her and the protagonist ever dating.

Does she possibly have a crush on him? Absolutely. But crushes do not equal canon...

What qualifies as a canon relationship?

How many of you have played a Persona game, played through a girl’s social link while planning on dating another girl, only for, uh oh, her to confess to you.

Now, you have two options: reciprocate or don’t.

That option right there declares the romance non canon.

Let me explain my personal Two Points Of A Canon Relationship:

One character must be interested in the protagonist.

The protagonist must reciprocate without player prompting.

That means that there cannot be a choice in the matter. That character is who you must date. It’s quite a simple concept, yet every Persona love interest fails this test.

Now, many of you might point out that, in P3, you do not have a choice in dating a girl if you want to complete her Social Link.

For that answer, look back to my “Social Links Aren’t Canon” section. The player can simply choose not to enter their Social Link. There’s your choice.

Some of you might continue to insist that certain characters receive more attention than others in their games and may use that to argue their canonicity. But if it does not follow those two points, then it is not canon. A character could have the biggest crush on the protagonist, confess in every Rank Up event, and have twice as much screen time as everyone else, but if the protagonist doesn’t automatically say ‘yes’, then unfortunately, it’s not canon.

Persona 1 and Pandora

Let’s talk about a character like that: Maki Sonomura.

Here's a fun fact: Maki and the Persona 1 Protagonist do not necessarily end up together.

Now many of you may be shocked, and cite the cutscene at the end of Pandora’s battle, but there are a few things I want to point out.

The one confessing was Maki’s Shadow, not Maki herself

The protagonist himself did not respond to her kiss or her confession

Their friends did not once say anything about their relationship in the ending

Then some of you may point out that the epilogue stated that Maki was seen with a man who appeared to be her boyfriend...but that doesn’t necessarily mean that the protagonist is that said man.

In fact, I think his epilogue perfectly describes the point I am trying to make.

Why does this matter?

To put it bluntly, it doesn’t. I’m not saying you can’t ship any protagonist with anyone, I’m just saying that the wars over who is canon and who is not are utterly irrelevant. Not a single girl (or guy, in the case of Jun), is considered canon.

Of course, this does not mean you have to like all ships either, just respect that everyone has different tastes and leave it alone.

There are multiple canons.

There are people form all walks of life playing the game.

Everyone will have a favorite.

In other words, you can put down your pitchforks now.

Bonus: Resources for getting rid of your NOTP

For desktop Tumblr:

New XKit

Tumblr Savior

For mobile Tumblr:

Washboard (In Browser Only)

For Ao3:

Ao3rdr