#oops just gave away my biggest secret

[witchybitchy222]

Azriel x Reader | Recon pt 1

Based on the prompt “just stop complaining and pretend to be my date.” I can’t find who requested it, I’m sorry!!

This was just supposed to be something quick but then it spiraled out of control and now it’s a three part mini fic oops

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The mission was simple. Go in, get as much information on the new Asmodian king as possible while staying under the radar, and get out.

You’d been on a few missions with Azriel before, but this was by far the longest and most important.

Mor had been attempting to get Vallahan, the biggest fae land on the continent, to enter into an alliance with the Night Court for nearly a year to no avail.

Asmodia, on the other hand, was untested. The sizable island was once a territory of Vallahan, only recently gaining its independence. Not much was known about the kingdom or the male who was now it’s king, so Rhys had decided some recon was needed before reaching out directly with Mor as emissary.

Azriel was going, for obvious reasons. No one would be better at learning the secrets and intentions of the Asmodian king than the infamous spymaster. You were being sent for your knowledge of the language. The Vallahanian and Asmodian fae still spoke a dialect of the old fae language, and while mostly everyone in the inner circle spoke enough to get by, only you, Rhys, and Mor were fluent due to your aristocratic upbringing.

You and Az were to visit Asmodia for the grand ball in celebration of King Itrolocus’s birthday. You would present yourself as travelers from Prythian and you would glamour Az’s wings so as to not rouse any suspicion about your Night Court affiliation. Then you’d spend the rest of the week with the other courtiers, learning as much as you could without meeting with the king directly. It was imperative, as you’d heard from Rhys several times, that you not engage the king, this was recon only.

You were excited at the prospect of such an important mission, but spending time with Azriel made you nervous.

You and Az had been close at first. You liked his silent companionship, his calming demeanor, and the way his shadows always swirled around you, protecting you as much as him. But in recent years, he’d seemed withdrawn. He only spoke to you when necessary, and mostly about court business. He no longer stayed up late reading with you in the library or brought you new blends of tea from his missions. For some reason you couldn’t discern, Azriel had stopped being your friend.

At first you’d racked your brain trying to come up with something you’d done to upset him, but nothing made sense. Eventually you just gave up.

You sighed as you shimmied into your outfit for the evening, not looking forward to more of Azriel’s cold shoulder treatment.

Mor had helped you choose a dress, insisting on putting you in a deep purple gown that accentuated all of your feminine curves and left your back completely exposed.

You finished curling your hair and applying your makeup before making your way downstairs to the main room of the inn where’d you’d meet Azriel to winnow to the palace.

When his eyes found you as you climbed down the remaining steps, he didn’t say a single word, but you saw his jaw clench as he gave you a nod. He looked incredible, of course. Dressed in all black as usual, but his clothing tonight was formal, a far cry from his usual Illyrian leathers or chunky sweaters.

He grabbed your hand and together you winnowed to a dark alley near the palace steps.

“Alright, let’s get this over with.” You said as you turned toward the shadowsinger, the warm glow of your magic illuminating your hand in the darkness. He gave you small smile, and you began to glamour away his wings, concentrating on weaving your magic together to create a shroud around them.

“Ick,” he said, rolling his shoulders, “it feels tingly”

“It’ll wear off” you said with a wave of your hand. Though you had to admit, he looked odd without the wings. Still incredibly beautiful, but he lacked some of his intensity, and it just felt like something was missing.

“Now you just have to hide those.” You said, pointing at the shadows swirling around his now bare shoulders.

“Them too?” Azriel asked, looking uncertain.

“The point is to not draw attention to ourselves” you raised your eyebrows, “and as helpful as they are, they definitely draw attention”

“Fine.” He said, and the shadows dispersed immediately. “How long will we be in there?”

“I’m not sure,” a ball of this caliber could last all night, but you didn’t want to be discouraging. “Maybe a few hours?” You peered around the corner of the brick building to your right before stepping out onto the main road.

“Let’s just try and make it as quick as possible. I’m ready to get out of here already.” Azriel grumbled behind you. He’d mentioned several times how this was not his ideal form of spying. He preferred to silently watch, hidden among the shadows. Not dress up and dance at birthday balls.

“We’ll stay however long it takes to get the intel we need.” You said, turning to the shadowsinger and looping your arm through his, “just stop complaining and pretend to be my date.”

You felt him tense beside you “date?” He echoed

“Yes, my date. We don’t look alike at all so pretending to be siblings is out of the picture, and if I come here as a female alone I’ll be presented to the King as a potential consort, and that’s definitely not something I’m interested in.” Your nose crinkled at the thought.

You walked arm in arm with the shadow singer towards the city center. Passing drunken fae and rich partygoers alike.

The palace was grand to the point of gaudiness, the new King clearly wanting to show his wealth, and you had to fight to keep from showing your disgust at the blatant display of riches. The city itself was a veritable slum, not a manor to be seen let alone a normal sized home or cottage, and the wealth gap made you nauseous.

You could tell Azriel was thinking the same thing as he took in the partygoers around you, all dripping in gold jewels.

You followed the flow of the crowd up the gold-plated steps and inside to the main ballroom, taking your place near the edge of the room. You kept close to Azriel, silently brooding without the aid of his shadows, as you sifted through bits of conversation, ears trained for anything pertinent.

“And who might you be?” You turned to your right, noting a tall blonde male at your side, his decadent dress matching his carefully smooth courtier’s voice.

You reached out your hand in greeting, “I’m Y/N,” the male dropped your hand after placing a chaste kiss on the top and you gestured to Azriel at your side, “and this is my husband, Azriel.” You felt the shadow singer tense at the words. Apparently even through the language barrier he understood the word ‘husband’ enough to cringe. It was starting to get irritating how adverse he was to pretending to like you for one evening.

“Lovely to meet you, I’m Andreas.” The blonde inclined his head toward Azriel who remained stoic at your side. Apparently he was foregoing politeness with everyone.

“Does your husband not speak?” Andreas asked, a crease forming between his perfectly manicured eyebrows.

“Azriel is from Prythian, he unfortunately doesn’t understand the old language.” You replied, pasting on your most pleasant smile, hoping to drive away more questions.

“Ah, Prythian, land of savages.” Andreas smirked, it took everything in you to hold your smile in place. “Luckily he has such an elegant female to keep him in place.” He winked.

“Well you know what they say where I’m from?” The male raised his eyebrows in question,

“Behind every successful male, is a strong female to guide him.”

Andreas’s light laugh rang out and you couldn’t help but be proud of yourself. You thought it’d be hard to charm Asmodian courtiers, yet here you were, knocking the socks off the first male you meet.

“Oh, Y/N, my brother will be absolutely enthralled with you, I have to take you to meet him!”

“Well if he’s half as handsome and kind as you, Id be delighted.” Your smile was practically dripping honey at this point.

“Well he ought to be, he is the king.” Andreas turned with a flourish of his hand, expecting you and Azriel to follow along, but for a moment you were frozen. Here you thought you’d been doing so well, and now you were being led to the one male you didn’t want to interact with at all, the one male who could easily turn this mission on it’s side.

Azriel looked down at you, his eyes questioning. You looped your arm through his and began to guide him after your new friend.

“Darling,” you began, keeping up the act of husband and wife, should anyone near you, specifically Andreas, speak the language. “Our new friend Andreas is taking us to meet his brother, the king! Isn’t that wonderful?” You plastered a giddy smile on your face, hoping you still looked the part of eager courtier, while simultaneously squeezing Az’s arm in alarm.

Azriel’s eyebrows rose and he quickly schooled his face into a mask of pleasant interest “that’s wonderful, we’re very lucky arent we sweetheart.”

You ignored the way your heart did a little flip at the nickname, certain it was just adrenaline kicking in.

The walk across the ballroom to the raised dias where King Itrolocus sat upon the throne felt like a death march. If he saw through your facade and realized you were there to spy, there’s no telling what would happen next.

“Brother,” Andreas greeted as he swept into a short bow, “I’ve found two very interesting guests I think you’d love to get to know.” He swept his hand behind him and you dropped into a deep curtesy, Azriel bowing at your side. “Y/N and Azriel, travelers from Prythian.”

“Prythian you say? The old magic runs deep there. Too bad it’s a land of half-breeds and human lovers.” You flinched at that, fear seeping into your veins, it was more than obvious how the king felt about your people, alliance didn’t seem like an available route so far.

“Rise, travelers.”

You straightened out of you curtsy, finally getting a good look at the king. He was an older male, grey creeping into the dark blonde hair of his head and beard, but still appeared strong. He had a warrior’s face, so unlike his brother who looked as though he’d never lifted a sword in his life.

“You,” he pointed one ringed finger at you as he spoke “you’re too pretty to be from Prythian. Where are you from originally?”

“The Selenic Isles, my king.” You answered, dropping your head a bit.

“Ah, a witch then. We used to have witches in Asmodia, until the damned Vallahanians wiped them out with their idiotic wars. Such a waste.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, my king. Our race is slowly dwindling around the world unfortunately.”

At least the old man liked witches, that gave you an I n. It’d be harder to convince him to trust Azriel though. He didn’t seem to like anyone who wasn’t “purebred.”

Itrolocus hummed in response, stroking his beard in thought.

“I’d like you and your husband to stay in the castle as my honored guests this week. Witches used to hold positions of high power here in the olden days before the occupation. They were valued for their wisdom and council. I’d like to hear what advice you might have for my new kingdom.”

You swallowed thickly, this was an opportunity that couldn’t be passed up. Rhys and Az would certainly be mad, you were breaking the one rule they’d made for this mission, but if it got you a chance to persuade the king to consider an alliance with the courts of Prythian, it’d be worth it.

“We’d be honored, your majesty.” You laced your words with reverence, bowing your head. You saw Azriel doing the same out of the corner of your eye. You could feel his inner turmoil, annoyance mostly, at not knowing what he’d just agreed to. You knew as soon as he found out, you were in deep shit.

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The next two parts will be out soon! Let me know in the comments if you’d like to be added to the Taglist 🫶🏻

[avispraeda]

I'm constantly stuck in the crushing rift between "keep all of your ideas secret and surprise people when they're ready" and "share your ideas-in-progress because who knows if they'll ever be ready"

So anyway if anyone happens to be curious, here's a brief list of current multichapter wips I'm bouncing between like a puppy excitedly taking a bite out of every food bowl around them! They're all TreyRid focused btw lol

The Beach Villa Fic

Rook invites some buddies to one of his family villas in the Sunshine Lands over Spring Break, but the situation spirals wildly out of control and suddenly the whole student cast is involved. Shenanigans ensue.

Been in the works since Book 6 first dropped in JP, a warm-up for MNP chapters that grew and grew and haha oops. Sort of a drabble collection, sort of tied together by an overarching plot. Though it's TreyRid focused, this is a fic where some minor background pairings may or may not also pop up👀. This is a double-edged sword though as it means I have to figure out how to write a lot of people, even if I cut the cast down to a fraction of its size, and that's more or less the main block stopping me from really knuckling down even though the Stitch event in JP gave me ideas.

The Freedom Fic

After coming to terms with some capital-T Things, Riddle decides to take his own path in life and moves out of his family home in the summer of his third year following a falling out with his mom. His summer is spent with Trey's family, where he gets effectively adopted as one of them while working through Some More Things.

Started shortly after finishing MNP. Not really a sequel but definitely influenced by it. Originally just meant to be pure sugary feel-good fluff, and then I went and added angst as per usual. Still mostly just cute stuff though because I like cute stuff and I write for me. Just like the Beach fic, the main block is having to write a lot of people, with the added caveat of trying to cobble together and develop Trey's family. The siblings are the bane of my existence.

The Crossover Fic

A mysterious phenomena overtakes NRC, and while investigating the Heartslabyul crew get whisked away to a strange, blank world. With the help of some eccentric locals, they must find a way home while surviving the wrath of a Queen who should not exist.

My current fic fixation (fic-xation, ha), though who knows how long that'll last. Entirely For ME, the most self-indulgent thing. Not explicitly a crossover in that two properties are colliding, but in that the concept of one is used as the basis for the story with the characters of another. Which property it is is part of the surprise ;) Despite having a decently sized cast with OCs made from the ground-up, the biggest block is actually just plain ol' real life things. Sucks.

Also may or may not be another collaboration! Though possibly not quite as intertwined as MNP and NTYH and again, due to irl circumstances that's up in the air.

Honorable mentions:

The Horror Fic: Trey and Riddle are again whisked away, and must brave a wilderness full of hostile creatures and disease. Meant to be more of a tense survival-horror style romp compared to the big one above. Guaranteed to never see the light of day.

The Trey Fic: MNP from the perspective of Trey, continues beyond the original story and explores his experience with therapy because boy you are not immune to traumatic events. Only exists in notes and one-off scenes. Maybe some day.

The Other Crossover Fic: The only non-ship fic. Omori but it's with Idia. If you know, you know. Only in planning, no actual writing to be had yet.

[mathmusic8]

(...I did write this tho, which could be, like, the ending of the above fic)

In a new future, the four turtle brothers wake up after an overnight hangout feeling weirdly super extra glad to see each other--none of them had slept well and they can't remember their dreams, just that they were bad. Except Raph, who's a bit shellshocked (oops pun)

Once everyone had moved past the weirdly emotional hugs, Leo tried to play it off--he clutched his stomach and groaned, "Mikey, what was in that pizza?!"

Mikey gasped in horrified outrage. "You love my pizza! Don't you dare pin this on my cooking--" 

Meanwhile, Donnie was in full gathering-data-mode, tapping away furiously at his phone. He ignored Mikey and Leo long enough to record a rough outline of the event, and then he called out over them, "Just to confirm, all of us had horrible nightmares and none of us remember them, correct?"

"I do," Raph said, his voice still hoarse with emotion.

All the arguing stopped. Raph's hands were fisted on his knees, and when he looked up at his brothers, his eyes were misty.

"We died. There was an invasion, and we fought it for years, but all of us--we all--"

He choked up, and Mikey was in front of him in an instant, prying one of his hands open so he could thread their six fingers together. "Hey, hey, it's okay--we're all right here, Raph, it was just a dream. We're fine."

Raph took in a shuddering breath and pulled Mikey into a hug.

Leo and Donnie shared a nod, and they moved in tandem to sit on either side of Raph and make it a proper group hug.

Raph started talking, describing in near-horrific detail how hard they all fought against an alien invasion, how Raph had been the first to die but the dream had followed the rest of the brothers until their each met their end--Donnie was next, and then at the very end Mikey was shortly followed by Leo.

The other three listened and sniffled and sat there hugging each other for a long time.

When Raph was finished, Leo started cracking jokes, and soon they were all laughing, and the next thing they knew they were brawling, and aliens and nightmares quickly faded from their minds.

---

Donnie was next. He woke in the dead of night with a gasp and immediately called Raph. They talked long after the sun had risen, and when Donnie insisted on an emergency family council, Mikey and Leo were surprised but of course showed up. They were dumbfounded when Donnie threw his arms around each of them in turn.

"No more sticking your hand into unknown devices," Donnie growled, jabbing a finger into Leo's cheek. "If I ever have to build you a proesthetic limb, I swear--"

Leo grinned, turned, and licked him.

Chaos ensued.

---

Mikey had the dream next. He didn't like to talk about it.

He did, however, mark the calendar and called for a secret meeting very early in the morning on that day, promising to make pancakes and hot chocolate.

Leo wasn't informed.

---

When Leo woke from the dream, he spent a long, long time sitting on the side of his bed, trying to come to terms with all.

If the dream was real--and how could it not be? It slid neatly into his memory like a long-lost puzzle piece--it had been his choice, his mistake that had ended the world.

It took all of them--all four turtle brothers and a dystopian version of Casey Jones Jr.--traveling back in time to fix everything.

Eventually, Leo shuffled into his kitchen and stumbled in shock when he saw all three of his brothers gathered around his table, sipping from steaming mugs and eating pancakes as fast as they came off of Mikey's skillet.

"Morning!" Mikey waved with his spatula.

Donnie leaned his chin on his fist and cocked an eyebrow at Leo with a smirk. "Rough night?"

"Hey bro," Raph waved his mug with a soft smile. "You're outta milk."

Leo didn't say a word, not one quip or hint of outrage at the empty milk carton on the table, just walked forward and gave Raph the biggest, tightest hug he'd ever given in his life.

Donnie tried to sneak past them to snag another pancake, but Leo grabbed him and pulled him in, ignoring Donnie's obligatory scoffing and groaning. Donnie didn't even fight that hard, settling into the embrace with a sigh and a suspicious sniffle.

After a moment, Leo raised his head and locked eyes with his littlest brother, who was clutching his spatula to his chest and smiling shakily past his tears. 

"Mikey. You... you saved us, Mikey. It killed you, but you saved the world." Leo took in a deep breath and smiled, reaching towards him and demanding, "Get your mystic butt over here."

Luckily Mikey remembered to turn off the stove before he joined the brother hug because they didn't move for a long, long time.

I'd love to see a Future Leo fic where more than just Leo comes back

He's first, yeah, but like a month later Future Donnie shows up. Everyone's understandably delighted, baffled, etc.

The gang chalks it up to Mikey's magic hands and winking and decides not to question too much

Then Mikey shows up

He would appear in the nick of time, right at the climax of some huge fight or something and save the day--maybe the Foot Clan nearly steals the key back and Future Mikey swoops in and tips the balance so our heroes can nab it back and destroy it for good

Once the dust settles, Future Mikey gives them all a big grin and says Raph will be there in a sec. Future Leo has to sit down.

Once all four original turtles are together again, they all group up around Future Mikey. With their help, he opens a time portal back to the future, which is bright and beautiful and alive, and they all go back and live happily ever--

Oh man, wait--that means Casey has to choose tho

Oofta

...I really wanna say he stays with the teenagers for whatever reason. Like, especially if we take the approach that he was Cassandra's cousin's kid and she adopted him when there was no one else left--then in the new future, Casey would have parents he never really knew, and he already has a home here in the past, and somehow it just magically works--like maybe his real parents have a baby girl instead or something. I dunno y'all I'm just spitballing here

I'm still way too new in the fandom to write anything, and I'm not at all familiar with the NYC setting outside of pop culture, so I don't know if I'll ever write in it anyway.

But I'd read that fic

[yourfavehasjoinedweezer]

Larry Johnson has joined Weezer!

[vad-hander]

LET’S KEEP IT SECRET

pairing: Jaehyun x reader x Yuta

others: SM Rookies, multiple SM and JYP idols

genre: series | idol!au | smut | angst | fluff | slow burn | unrequited love | friends to lovers (oops) | mutual pining | teenage to adults | idol!nct, idol!reader, teenage to adults (trainee days until today)

words: 20k

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7

-

Your mom always found it important to let everyone she talked to know how much you loved to dance, how much you enjoyed singing. She always found it important to not let that go away, always found it the biggest goal in her life to make you happy, to make you someone she could always be proud of. 

Since you were 3 your mom took you to music school and when you were 4 you got accepted to a dancing school. Shuffling singing, dancing and actual school when you were 8 made your life insanely difficult. Every day you went to bed you cried yourself to sleep after your mom gave you a good night kiss and turned the lights off. You just wanted to be like your school friends, you wanted to play at the playground after school with them, you wanted to spend time with that boy Soonyeon from your class that you liked, but the only thing you were doing after your last lesson was over was going to another school and then going back home. To do math homework you struggled with, to learn new melody on the piano for the end of semester show. 

You could not remember what it felt like when your neighbor suggested to ask your mom to take you to an audition to her work, when you were 14. Probably it was a very exhausting and tiring thought, you looked back at it. 

“You practically got scouted in front of your school, this is big luck. I’m glad we kept in touch with Yuri, I didn’t know she worked at SM Entertainment.” Your mom couldn’t stop herself talking even for a second placing dinner in front of you. 

“Where’s dad?” you chimed in getting a disappointed look from her. You shouldn’t interrupt her when she talks, you beat yourself suddenly. 

“He’s being late, now dig in.” she placed a bowl of rice in front of your face and you did it happily, munching on pork and rice. “This is a great opportunity, I always knew I’ll see you shine on stage, now it’s just the perfect time. All of the hard work I put in you will finally pay off.” 

“Mom, it’s still an audition, even if Mrs. Ong asked me to come, it’s an audition. I might not pass. I didn’t, two years ago at JYP, if you remember.” you sighed at the memory of not passing. 

“You worked hard, you lost weight and your face got prettier since back then, you’ll be just enough to get casted.”

“Mom!” you exclaimed feeling tired of her being this way. “Don’t.”

“It’s a good thing you got prettier, otherwise all of the work not only me, but you put in, would’ve gone to waste.”

“I don’t want to be prettier, I don’t want to lose weight, I don’t want to go to that stupid school to sing those stupid songs, I don’t want to dance to those songs they make me to. I just want to make friends, I want to be normal.” you jumped up from the table. 

“What else do you want?” she chuckled sarcastically at you making you furious. 

“I want to date that boy I always liked, I want to do everything my classmates do. Do you know that Hyejin has a boyfriend, she sleeps with him too? And me? I don’t know how to speak to guys because the only man I talked to was a 60 year old pervert who always caressed my thigh right next to my underwear whenever he helped me with stretching. I don’t want anything you’re making me do. Because of you I fucking hate singing and dancing, maybe I should’ve let that old bastard rape me so you’d get back to your senses?” 

“Watch your mouth, Y/n.” was all that you mom said. You threw chopsticks that you held on to tightly through your speech unconsciously, running up to your room. 

You were 14 and fucking hated every second of your life. 

“Y/n, sweetheart, it’s dad. Can I come in?” his soft knocks made your heart warm. You closed the book you were reading and called him to come in. “Hi baby, how are you doing?” he sat on your bed and extended his hand to caress your hair. 

“She already told you I’m a disgusting human and you’re here to tell me I’m grounded for a year?” you sighed and looked away. “As if it makes any difference, I’ve lived my entire life as if I’m grounded.” you chewed on your cheek. Silence that fell over your room wasn’t an awkward one, your relationship with your dad was always different. You always wondered how he ended up loving your mom, but then always came to conclusion she probably tricked him into this marriage, and to be fair, you wouldn’t be surprised if she actually did. 

“Come here.” his fingers tapped the bed right next to him, and you squeezed your body right next to his, hiding your face in his chest. “I know everything you feel, baby. I know you’re traumatised with your mom’s parenting style, and everything that happened due to that…” you heard him sigh and wondered if he thought about the time you told him about your weird dancing coach. “I always tell you that kids that aren’t allowed to do things usually are the most rebellious ones. And I know that you’re rebellious by nature, you’re my baby girl.” he chuckled and you couldn’t hold back a smile. 

“I am.” you mumbled quietly. 

“I don’t find it wrong that you want to spend your time with friends and boys in particular, I’d be happy you brought a boyfriend home one day.” you nodded, wondering where he leads this to. “But we both know, moms not going to let you drop everything. She never told you this, right? It was her dream, she spent her entire childhood trying to get in one of the entertainments, everyone refused her, and then there’s you. She put in so much work since the day you were born. She thought through her plan for your life the first week she found out you’ll come to our lifes. Please forgive her, she just lost her senses when you got scouted by JYP.” 

“They just asked me to come to an audition, refused me too. I feel like she lost her senses when I was around 4.” he chuckled and pulled you closer. 

“Maybe, but it gave her hope that everything wasn’t worthless. That she put in work in you that will pay off. More importantly, you put in so much work, nerves and your entire life to get in. If you put aside your mom, don’t you love to dance, sing, doesn’t it make you happy when you come up with melodies on your piano?”

“It makes me happy when I see your proud eyes at the result of my work. It makes me happy when you sit down with me at the piano and come up with melodies too. You’re the one that helps me to get through difficult days, I don’t know what I’d do without you dad.” 

“Oh, baby, I didn’t expect you to say something like this.” you giggled and raised your head to look at him. 

“Let’s pretend that I said something you expected.” you leaned back “What would you reply?” 

“I was thinking you’d say you like all that you do and I’ll tell you that going to that audition will most likely help you to get out of the cage you’re in. If you’ll pass, another life is going to be right before you. I know for sure you’ll love it. No mom, no music and dance school. You’ll meet people your age, no matter what the outcome is you’ll get extraordinary experience. I usually don’t ask you to do things but I’m asking you to go there. I’m asking you to go not with the same intentions as your mom, I’m asking you to go because I believe in my baby. Your dad caressed your hair and looked you in the eyes. 

“Okay… I’ll go.” You nodded after giving the thought a few minutes. “But take me there, come with me, not her.” 

“Of course, I’ll come if it’ll make you feel better.” 

“Thanks dad.” you wrapped your hands around his neck “I love you.” 

“I love you too baby. Any ideas with what you’re going to audition?”

“Hm, I’ll think that through.” you chuckled. 

-

“Do you want me to come in with you or is it too embarrassing to come to an audition with your dad?” 

“It’s not.” you smiled shyly “but I’d appreciate you not coming.” he chuckled and nodded understandingly. 

“I’ll park my car over the corner and will wait for you at the cafe across the street, okay? Call me if you won’t see me.”

“Okay, dad.” you bobbed your head and undid your seatbelt. “I’ll go.” you smiled.

“No matter what happens, I love you and trust in you.”

“Thank you, dad.” you forced a wider smile and leaned in for a hug. 

“Good luck.” you could feel him watch as you ran into the building. 

“Excuse me, which floor are auditions?” you asked the security guard at the entrance and he led you quickly to the elevators, pressing the fifth floor for you. 

“One of the scouts will meet you at the floor, good luck!” you nodded and gulped while the door was closing. 

“Don’t worry, Y/n, it’s fine. You’ll either kill it or embarrass yourself, both are experience, it’s fine.” you squeezed your fists and stared at your reflection in the elevators door. 

“Y/n, hi!”

“Mrs. Ong, you’re here?”

“Of course, I scouted most of the boys and girls in here today.” you pursed your lips, looking around “Sit down there, I’ll call for you later. And, good luck, Y/n.” 

“Thank you!” you sat down onto the free seat next to a boy around your age. 

“You’re here for the audition?” 

“Of course.” you turned to look at him. “Why else would I be here?” 

“To support someone maybe.” he chuckled and ran his eyes quickly from you onto the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m nervous and talk silly.”

“It’s your first time?” 

“You mean the audition?”

“Well obviously, not like I’m asking you if it’s your first time talking.” you chuckled and he looked you in the eyes shyly. 

“Yeah, it is. It’s not yours I assume?” 

“I had one before, not much experience.” 

“Still more than none, I guess that’s why you’re talkative.” he played with his fingers nervously. 

“That’s my coping mechanism. I’m scared shitless. If I’m passing I’ll hopefully be happy and if I’m not… well, mom’s going to eat my brains out.” pursing your lips your eyes met his. 

“You’re very pretty, and outgoing it seems, I’m sure they’ll like you.”

“Thanks, but talent is what matters. I don’t want to be a pretty doll, I want to be someone worth it. Worth time put in to train me and worth the time of people that could possibly watch me on stage one day.” 

“You’re… you’re unique. With the way you’re thinking. Everyone just want to get in here no matter what but you’re different, it’s nice of you to think about things like that.” he smiled. “I’m Jaehyun, by the way.”

“I’m Y/n.” you gave him your hand to shake. “How old are you?”

“15.” you nodded and looked away. “And you?”

“14.” 

“You look much younger.” 

“You mean childish?” 

“No, I mean you look… pure?” he chuckled. 

“Maybe I am pure and this is my chance to unwind.” you played with your eyebrows and looked at him expecting his answer. 

“Y/n, come with me, it’s your turn.” suddenly Mrs. Ong’s voice made you turn your attention to her and stand up quickly. “I trust in you.” she smiled at you and lead to the door. 

“Good luck.” Jaehyun spoke when you stood up. “Hope to see you next time as trainees.” 

“Right back at you.” you smiled and paced behind Mrs. Ong. 

-

“Text me every day before you go to bed. Don’t forget to keep the diet, train not less than 2 hours a day.” your mom spoke monotonously, putting the shirts, that you purposefully left in your closet, into the suitcase. “Don’t talk to boys and focus on work. Do everything they want you to do, don’t talk back and be the good girl you always were.” 

‘Don’t talk back at her. Two hours. Just two hours before freedom comes.’ you repeated a mantra in your head.‘Keep quiet and nod.’ 

“You hear me, Y/n? Keep away from boys, they’re not good in general and especially when they’re at the dorm all alone with you.” 

“We’re going to live on different floors, mom.” 

“Still, we should have a conversation about… sex.” you rolled your eyes and held back a smirk. 

“What you want to tell me about it? Details?” 

“Y/n! I’m not going to let you leave.” 

“Why? No worries mom, if I’m getting a boyfriend, I’m going to let you know about it fourth.”

“Fourth!?!” she exclaimed loudly. 

“Me, him, dad and then you.” you forced a sarcastic smile.

“You’re definitely not going anywhere.” 

“Honey, please, let’s be supportive. Our daughter’s leaving to Seoul for god knows how many years.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” she nodded quickly. It always surprised you how the tone of her voice changed when she spoke to him. Could she possibly love him more than you? 

“I trust you with anything you’ll decide to do. I know you’re responsible and I know you would never make mistakes or anything that I’ll disapprove of.” he pecked your forehead and looked at you “Just during your award speech don’t forget to thank me, okay? Something like ‘I’d like to thank my dad who always took my side’. Okay?” 

“Of course, dad, I’ll call you every day, okay?” you bit onto your lower lip to prevent from crying. “I love you.” you sobbed into his shoulder. 

“I love you too, baby. I’m going to take your luggage into the car.” his hands let go of you and you watched him disappear behind the door. You walked around the room, staring at every corner of it to keep something in your memories. 

“Y/n, I beg you, condoms.” you chocked on air, walking closer to the woman you called your mom. 

“Are you possessed?” you chuckled and stood right in front of her. “I’m going to miss you, no matter what.” you smiled and pulled her in a hug, wrapping your hands around her shoulders. 

“Good luck.” she sighed and broke off the hug. “Now go, no tears, it’ll make your eyes puffy when you’ll arrive.”

“Okay.” you nodded and left the house. 

-

“This is your room, you’re going to share it with another girl. She’s not here yet. This floor is girls floor. You’re lucky there’s not that many girls, the guys have four people in a room.” you nodded and sat down on the bed. “The rules are as simple as ever. Singing and dancing practices are 6 days a week, multiple variations of lessons are going to be suggested to you next week at the general meeting. Your school transfer papers are ready so you’re all good to go to Seoul’s School of Performing Arts. Wednesday’s are your day offs from practicing. Try to study properly, if you’re going to debut we’ll help you with school. We’ll provide the floor with nanny that’ll cook for you, any other food is prohibited. Your phone is going to be taken from you to completely concentrate on work. You can always come up to your manager if you need to call your parents. No late night outings or anything like that, all of you will be looked after carefully. First of all, almost everyone here are minors, second of all it’s about discipline. If you work hard it’ll pay off with rewards and debuting too. Good luck and take a good rest, you have busy days ahead. Okay?”

“Okay.” you nodded. “I love it here.” you smiled widely. 

“Good to know. Don’t feel too lonely, some girls are coming within the week. Three floors lower is boys dorm. You can get to know them for the meantime.”

“I’ll take some rest.” you smiled and felt nervous at a single thought of going to boys floor all on your own. 

“For everyone to feel more or less at home, for upcoming two weeks we’re planning dinners for everyone to attend. At 6 today the manager will pick you up to meet everyone either way.” she smiled and turned on her heels to leave you on your own. 

-

“I heard there’s only one girl at the dorms yet.” a guys voice made your heart stop. 

“I wonder what she’s like.” The other one replied.

“Maybe not too young.”

“Hopefully.” the voices of the boys made it seem as if they were not much older than you. They laughed hysterically at whatever was said afterwards.

“Worth a shot or not.” someone giggled.  

“Shut up, you nasty dickheads.” you hit one guy with your shoulder, walking past them blindly. 

There were not more than 10 boys in the hall of the building and they all walked behind you when the manager signalled to follow her. You walked into the bus first, sitting down onto the seat that seemed to you the most attractive. 

“Walk past.” you could see a guy trying to sit down with you in the reflection of the window. 

“I’m… ugh, I’m not one of the guys who talked about you. I’m… Jaehyun.” his voice made you confused and you turned around immediately to take a look at him. “Do you remember me? The guy with dumb questions at the audition.” he smiled sincerely and you chuckled. 

“Jaehyun, I remember.” you smiled. 

“Nice knowing you passed.”

“Are we competitors now or what?” you made a low giggle and squinted your eyes. 

“I’m not sure we’re bound to fight for one spot. I’m sure you and me are designated to different gender groups.” 

“Okay, you can sit with me then.” you tapped the chair and he lowered his body next to you and stared at the window once again. 

“I came two days before you. They’re nice, just hormonal… like everyone here, I guess.” he giggled but stopped quickly seeing you unamused. “I mean it, everyone’s just goofy because practicing didn’t start yet for neither of us. Don’t take it too seriously.”

“I don’t care, it’s whatever. Why do you care?” you turned your head to look him in the eyes. 

“Because you’re the person I know the longest out of everyone here.”

“Weak convincing skills you have.” you chuckled annoyed and looked away. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you can just tell me if they sent you for whatever. I’ll get it, I had friends at school who hung out with older guys. They told me what boys are like.” 

“Oh, no, no. I’m not sent, no girls are here yet, I feel obliged to keep you company.” 

“Thank you, Jaehyun.” you smiled and he lit up visibly. 

-

“I wish with all the advances they give us they’d hire people to carry us home after exhausting practicing days too.” Seulgi laughed at your comment and laid her back next to you. “I mean, I had school today and speech class and then vocal lessons for 3 hours and now we’re here. I’m not able to lift myself up from this floor.“

“We have to stand up and get back or we’ll get a strike for coming back home later than allowed.” Irene sighed and sat up next to Lami.

“Girls, hold up, boys manager will come in a minute.”

“Why?”

“No clue.” your coach Chaerin shrugged and waved goodbye at all of you. “Bye.” 

“It’s kind of weird. They usually never want us to cross paths.” 

“Maybe they’re debuting?” All of you looked at Seulgi. 

“That’s not possible.” You shook your head in disbelief, concentrating at one imperfect floor square in the room.

“Hi, everyone.” you raised your head to see the manager lead in the boys like little chicks. You chuckled to yourself at the thought and smiled widely the second you noticed Jaehyun. “Everyone please take a seat.” 

“Hi.” he whispered and bumped shoulders with you on accident while sitting down. 

“You know why we’re all here?” you whispered into his ear and he shrugged not knowing. 

“Okay y’all. All of you here are lucky enough to be picked out as first introduced SM Rookies.” you could hear excited noises all over the room. “I’m going to name your names to make it more official: Irene, Seulgi, Lami, Y/n, Taeyong, Ten, Jaehyun, Mark, Yuta, Jeno, Jisung, Hansol, Johnny and …” she paused and glued all of your attention to her. “And Johnny, yeah, that’s it.” she nodded and raised your head at all of you. “All of you are going to be introduced to the public through the month of December.” 

“December?” boys behind you sighed loudly and you turned around to look at them. 

“Wait, who’s that? I don’t know them. Yuta, Jeno and Jisung never heard those names before.” you leaned in closer to Jaehyun and he gladly moved closer to you. 

“They’ve been here for at least two months or so. Someone’s been really busy to not even notice new people.” he teased and you elbowed him. 

“December is so soon.” Lami said out loud and had everyone’s attention on her. 

“Oh, my bad.” the manager coughed and ran her eyes over the room. “December of next year. You have over a year to become perfect in every way possible. Please consider the fact final list can be changed due to many reasons. And more importantly, this doesn’t guarantee your debut.”

“How come?” Johnny sighed out loud. 

“You’re only going to be introduced as SM Rookies member, not more than that.” 

“It’s still cool.” Seulgi told him quickly and looked away. 

“I doubt it’s cool for Johnny, he’s been training since forever.“ Jaehyun whispered into your ear quickly.

“I hope for your cooperation guys’, don’t share this information with the rest of trainees yet. We’ll announce it to them later on. Even though I just told you it doesn’t mean you’ll debut, it really is a big step, so I hope you all will work hard. Good luck and as a bonus, all of you are allowed to come back to the dorms at midnight tonight. Come downstairs, there’s a small party organised for you.” she smiled and moved her head in her usual movement that signalled that she was done. 

“Can’t we go back home and change clothes? I’d like to look nice for a party.” Lami made everyone chuckle and then disappointed when the manager shook her head no and all you 13 very sweaty but very happy teenagers moved your tired bodies in direction of the first floor. 

“Don’t obsess over him.” Irene’s hand laid over your shoulder quickly. 

“Over who?” you raised a brow at her. 

“Jaehyun. He’s a nice guy I agree but I can tell you have a crush on him and he totally doesn’t.”

“What makes you think I have a crush on anyone? We’re friends, and actually, we’re friends only because he spoke to me first.”

“I’m just saying this because…” 

“Because you’re old and experienced?” 

“Oh, shut up.” she chuckled and pinched your shoulder. “It’s because we really have no time now to cry over broken hearts.” 

“I know, I never had time to cry over broken hearts.” 

“I’m sorry.” she caressed you quickly. 

“No need, even thought we’re all busy, I’m still happier than at home and have more spare time than at home. Everyone here are working for the same goal as me, so I’m only happy to be around people who understand.” 

“Just please, consider my words.” 

“He’s a friend, a friend who happens to be a boy, no more than that, okay?” you hugged her with your arm over the waist and the both of you entered the practice room on the first floor that was turned into a party space. 

“But how come you never saw them before…?” Jaehyun appeared out of nowhere behind your back when you stood silently staring at new boys. 

“Got my eyes set on you only?” you chuckled and regretted saying something like that, maybe it’s a bit too much you thought the next moment. 

“Same goes for me.” he chuckled and put his hand over your shoulder. 

“I was kidding.” you rolled your eyes and looked at him to see his face. 

“I know, I think in the past six months I learned to sense that. I was just playing along you loser.” you chuckled and looked at him. 

“Sometimes I think I’m all grown up and practically old, but then I look at Irene, or even Seulgi, Johnny, Taeyong and realise that we’re probably little kids in their eyes…”

“We’re probably old in Jisung’s eyes though.” his high-pitched chuckle made you smile

“How old is he?” 

“10.”

“What?” you choked on your coke. 

“Everyone were surprised when they found out.” 

“Hi.” you looked around and found one of the guys you haven’t met yet next to you. “I’m Yuta. My korean bad, sorry.”

“Hi, I’m Y/n, if you want to, we can speak in English?” 

“Okay.” he nodded and extended his hand to shake yours. “I believe you’re pretty.” he continued to speak korean. 

“It’s nice of you to say that.” you smiled shyly and pressed your body against Jaehyun’s. “I’m surprised we haven’t talked before. When did you come here?”

“I study korean for 6 months now. I come to Korea 2 months ago. I win SM competition in Japan.” you gave him a smile. 

“You’re really good already, you’ll probably beat me soon if you’ll continue studying.” 

“I need more korean friends.” he smiled “I have to be perfect in December.”

“I’m sure you’ll be perfect.” you bowed at him lightly and excused yourself. 

-

“Are you okay?” A guy sat down in front of you when he noticed you cry. You hid your face in hair, sitting in the corner of the practice room alone. “Difficult day?” his hand caressed your shoulder and you raised your head to look at him. 

“No, I’m fine.” you shook your head a no and hoped it’ll be enough to make him leave but he didn’t move. 

“Someone who’s fine isn’t crying on the couch in the corner of a practice room like that.” you stared at him in disbelief.

“Your korean is insane.” you said amazed “i can’t wrap my head around how quickly you learned it” you laughed suddenly, thinking of what you said to him almost a year ago. “Didn’t I say you’d get better than me.” 

“You’re joking, it’s a good sign.” he smiled at you sweetly. “And you’re literally saying this to me every time I talk to you.” he chuckled shyly “Half a year left, didn’t I say I have to be perfect.” you nodded and wiped the tears off your cheek. “Tell me what happened? We were told to look after our younger trainees, you basically have to tell me what’s up.” he hit his shoulder with yours to push the truth out of you. 

“It was my birthday last week.” 

“I know, we threw you a small party, didn’t you like it? I thought Wendy said you’ll love everything she prepared for your birthday?” 

“It’s not the party.” you sobbed “Its the outcome. Our manager, she said I’m fat, she said it’s because I had too much food and I should never eat ever again even if it’s my last day in earth. She said she’ll ask nanny to not cook for me and she’ll check my weight herself every day. If I won’t lose it in a month she’ll get rid of me in no time.” 

“She probably joked, maybe she was in bad mood and you got under her hand.” Yuta wiped the tear on your chin and you flinched at the touch. 

“No, she was serious for sure. She dragged me to check my weight for the past three days, the only thing I ate was water and one small seaweed piece and it’s only different to hundred grams. She just said I’m useless and she’s probably right. Maybe I should leave company.”

“What? No, no, no. You were born to be here if someone needs to go then it’s her.” 

“Thank you for listening.” you stood up “I should get back home before I get a strike or something.” 

“Let’s go together.” he invited and you had no reason to decline. 

“She got especially mad because I fainted…” you whispered when the both of you walked slowly to the dorms. 

“What?” 

“We practiced the dance for 7 hours straight and I don’t know… I just felt dizzy and then fell. Irene said I dropped dead and she thought I died of heart attack or something. Chaerin called for help and everyone was scared and only our manager shouted at me for being an attention sicker, for being weak. I’m just not used to not eating, I’ll get used to it and then it’ll be okay, I’ll be fine with water only.” you smiled at him and kept on walking when he stopped. “What’s up?” you turned around to face him. 

“That’s not normal.” 

“Huh?” 

“What she wants from you is not normal. You’re beautiful, there’s no way she thinks you have weight to lose. She’s probably bullying you on purpose.” 

“Why would she do that?” 

“Because everyone likes you, people are here to support you, she doesn’t want that, she doesn’t need favourite’s in here.”

“I’m sure it’s not like that.” you shook your head in disbelief. 

“Come on.” he extended his hand to you and you took a minute to grab onto it unsure. “There’s street food on the way to the dorms.” he finally said couple of minutes after dragging you behind him. 

“I don’t want to.” you tried to stop on your heels but it seemed useless since Yuta didn’t even turn around to look at you. “Yuta, please.” you whined when you could see ajummas with food in a short distance. “I’m going to get in trouble, so much trouble, please don’t.” you were debating whether shedding tears right now was a great idea. 

“Two corn dogs and teokbboki, please.” he smiled at the lady and gave her money. You couldn’t work out where he had money from. His eyes ran over you and your face expression probably terrified him. “It’s food, not poison, just eat once with me, please?” Yuta leaned in and hugged you over the shoulders. “I won’t tell anyone and it won’t affect anything, tomorrow is our day off, isn’t it? We can go to a  hike and walk it all off, okay?” he smiled at you reassuringly and you knew you’ll look like a fool if you’ll refuse. 

“Okay.” you nodded and watched him take the food. “I have school tomorrow though.” 

“After school, I’m sure it’ll be okay if we’ll go after you finish.” 

“Yeah” you smiled with your lips drawing a thin line. 

“Now eat.” he pulled you towards a bench at the park you walked through on your way home and you sat down happily, feeling more than tired from all the practicing. Yuta took a corn dog out of the bag placing it in front of your mouth. Your hands raised automatically to take it from him but his hand pulled away, not allowing you to. 

“Bite.” he said quickly and you laid your fingers on your thighs, extending your neck to take a bite. He smiled proudly at you when you chewed and took a bite himself. “Are you from Seoul?”

“No, Ilsan. My parents live there, but I was actually born in Jeju.”

“Island girl.” he smiled and you shivered unknowingly. “I’m from a small town in Osaka.” He sighed and cicadas deafened the silence between you. 

“We never actually spoke properly.” you said suddenly. 

“I know, you’re usually with girls or Jaehyun…” he took a visible breathe in. “You two are dating, right? Did you tell him our manager bullies you?”

“Oh, no.” you laughed loudly. “We’re not. He’s the guy I met at my audition and he spoke to me when we became trainees because I was the only girl for a couple of days and he felt bad. We just kept on talking to each other, but we aren’t anything besides that…” 

“Oh, I’m sorry for saying this.” he widened his eyes and took another bite of the corn dog. “Finish this one.” you munched onto the corn dog while he looked you in the eyes quietly. “You’re just pretty, I thought Jaehyun took you the second he had the opportunity. Don’t think anything, it’s just a thought.” He chuckled noticing you look at him confused.

“Okay.” you nodded “He had no opportunities though.” you chuckled, finishing the food Yuta gave you. 

“How come?” 

“I’m fifteen and clueless to it all, let’s put it this way. Maybe it’s for the best actually, the less you think of being liked by anyone, liking someone and things like that, they’re taking so much energy, I don’t know how to cope with these things.”

“You’re silly.” he extended a rice cake on a toothpick to you and you sucked it into your mouth with a loud pop. “Still breathtaking though.” he said almost inaudibly. 

“Huh?” you looked at him confused but instead of repeating himself he forced you to chew on another rice cake. 

“So you never dated anyone?” 

“No.” you chewed and forced him to give you another rice cake. “Why are you so into this topic?” 

“I’m just trying to keep up the conversation.” he chuckled. 

“And did you? Date someone?” you thought your question through again and quickly stopped chewing. “You’re 19 this year and a football player, I’m sure you did. Let’s ask the question the other way, have you dated someone since you came to Korea?” 

“No.” he smirked at you for a long time. 

“Why?” you picked a rice cake by navigating Yuta’s hand and placed it in your mouth. “I kind of feel bad for all of you, there’s over 20 young men in one dorm, I’m sure y’all are in need of personal space and many more things and they’re not giving you any of it.” 

“Aren’t you in the same situation?” his fingers pushed the hair that got into your mouth to the back. 

“There’s only 8 of us and we’re girls.” 

“What’s is that supposed to mean? You don’t need personal space?” he chuckled and took a couple of rice cakes into his mouth. 

“How many times did you see your neighbours jerk off in secret?” you turned to face him properly noticing how he grinned like an idiot at you. 

“Quite a few.”

“See, and I never did because we’re not obsessed with something like this. That’s why I feel bad for you boys.”

“What’s your solution?” he looked amused by your words but you didn’t care about it. 

“Stop being filthy animals?” you chuckled and he laughed out loud. “Irene always says to not expose too much skin or hormonal boys from three floors under will rub their palms to blood at night.” he laughed so hard you had to take the food from his lap in case he gets it all over himself. 

“She’s quite a handful.” 

“She tells me to not talk to any of you.”

“Because she sees you’re beautiful and naive.”

“But all of you are practical losers, I mean… none of you hold any kind of danger towards any of us. I mean, the biggest harm you could make is jerk off to images of us if you have enough fantasy.” 

“You’re funny, I like you.” he smiled at you heartwarmingly. 

“You’re nice company, I like you too.” 

“I’m glad to hear it.” he leaned closer and pulled back all in a span of a second. 

“I think it’s better we go, I feel like it’s pretty late.” he agreed and stood up next to you, walking in a slow pace a step behind. “You know what I think of sometimes? When we’ll debut, or more likely if, we debut, what would our lifes be like? Will we be able to be with people who we love? Have kids? Or is it going to be all work until the day we die? I can’t help but wonder if everything we’re trying to reach so hard is a curse or a blessing?”

“Maybe it’s both.” 

“God, please, if debuting is a blessing, allow me to date Oh Sehun from EXO, god please, I’m not asking for much, just a handsome boyfriend like him to be mine.” you stretched your arms out and raised your head up to the sky, and asked loudly. Yuta stood beside you laughing. 

“You’re still a small silly child.” his hand pulled you by the shoulder towards the dorm. 

“God, please remember, Oh Sehun.” you laid your palms together and finally looked back down to walk. 

“Isn’t he like old.” 

“He’s maybe 20.” you nodded. “I don’t think I’ll debut any time soon so maybe I’ll be of age just in time.” Yuta chuckled again and the both of you got home in a great mood. 

-

“Y/n, hey.“ you raised your head when Yuta’s familiar voice called you. “Come here.“ He gestured with his hand vigorously, attracting attention from Lami and Irene that you sat next to. 

“What he wants?“ Irene squinted her eyes at you quickly. 

“How could I know, it’s not written on his forehead.“ you chuckled and crawled towards him, Johnny and Jaehyun on all fours, feeling too tired to stand up. “What?“ you spoke smiling, when you raised your head and found all of them smiling at you. “What happened?“ You cleared your throat and sat between Johnny and Yuta, crossing your legs. 

“That was just funny way of walking.“ Johnny chuckled and looked at Yuta.

“Is everything okay?“ You turned your head to look at Yuta while he was talking. 

“Yeah, why?“ you looked at him confused and hoped your face expression would let him know you didn’t want to talk about anything you told him last month in front of these guys. 

“You ate lunch, right?“ Your eyes ran around the room to avoid his concerned gaze, your head bobbing positively in reply. 

“Why are you asking? I’m always having all of my meals.“ you smiled at him with the sincerest smile you could give him and looked at Jaehyun. “Does he ask you the same things?“ 

“Me?“ Jaehyun chuckled at you amused. 

“I was just hoping I’m not the one he wants to nag on, I guess I’m wrong then.“ You sighed and stretched your arm out to Jaehyun. “Want to walk home together?“ His fingers held you tightly, giving you support to stand up.

“Yeah, I’m almost done for today. Johnny, didn’t you want to go ask our manager about home leave?“ 

“Yeah, let’s do this now.“ Johnny jumped up quickly and Jaehyun did too. 

“I’ll be back in a minute, okay?“

“Okay.“ You nodded satisfied at him and watched Jaehyun get up and leave. When the door behind Johnny closed you didn’t dare to move your eyes to Yuta, feeling how he kept his face directed at you, probably burning a whole in your face with his eyes.

“I’m not surprised.“ He said suddenly and stretched out his legs, finding balance with his palms against the floor behind his back. 

“What is that supposed to mean?“ You turned to face him.

“Don’t act all proud when it’s unnecessary.“

“Maybe I am eating, maybe I am not, how do you know? Don’t act like you know everything about me just because you saw me upset once.“

“Dodge Jaehyun.“ 

“What?“ You chuckled at his proposal. “Arrogant.“

“I meant dodge Jaehyun and I’ll get you food if we’ll get back home together.“ Yuta switched his sitting pose, trying to reach out for your hand. 

“What is the under text?“ 

“I don’t want you to die or get sick, is that enough for one?“

“I’m eating, stop. Focus your brain on something else. It’s sweet of you and all that, but I don’t need anyone to baby me.“ You shook your head and looked away, moving your body a few centimetres form him. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry.“ He sighed and reached out for your hand. 

“Don’t.“ Irene’s voice hovered over your head and punched Yuta. Metaphorically, of course. “If she doesn’t want you then it’s time to grow brain to accept it.“ 

“I’m not trying to make her want me, she’s just…“ Yuta sounded sarcastic and you knew that this was a crucial mistake. 

“Then don’t reach out to her when she visibly moves away.“ You couldn’t understand why she got all worked up.

“She’s not under your control…“ you find it kinda funny how Irene didn’t let Yuta finish a single sentence, always chiming in half way. 

“She’s not under your control either! Think if you’ve been beating around the bush for a while you’re allowed to do anything?“

“What the fuck are you talking?“ Yuta looked furious, standing up and the urge to laugh inside of you faded away.

“You two, please stop.“ You stood up too to attract their attention more. “It’s a misunderstanding.“

“So you want him?“

“What?!?“you exclaimed. “Irene stop thinking every person who I talk to is somehow romantically involved with me. Just stop, I’m serious. I don’t you babying me, it’s embarrassing, when you do that. We were having a conversation, not related to being attracted to each other in whatever way. Why are you always keeping an eye on me? Are you obsessed? And you?“ You turned around to face Yuta. “You think I need your help? Advice? Support? No! You all just have a sick obsession of babying me and it’s not fine at all, go get a child together and take care of it, if the two of you are so focused on it!“ You turned your face to the door when you could hear Jaehyun’s laughter, running towards him quickly, catching him right at the entrance of the room. “Let’s go home, now, okay?“ His eyes ran over the room confused and returned to your teary ones. 

“Sure, let’s go.“ He nodded quickly and took your palm in his in reassurance. “What happened?“ Jaehyun asked in a while, after your fingers slip out of his. 

“You’re the closest person out of all of them for me.“ You granted him a shy smile. “What you think of me?“

“You’re the closest person out of all of them for me too.“ 

“It’s not what I meant.“ You shook your head and looked at your shoes.

“Oh, I’m sorry, what did you mean?“

“I think it’s better if I leave. I want to leave.“ You met Jaehyun’s eyes after a long pause.

“It’s not far, let’s just walk quickly.“

“I mean leave company.“

“What?“ He stopped on his heels. “Because of Irene and Yuta?“ 

“It’s too much stress, I don’t think I should be here, maybe I’m taking someone’s place.“

“I’m sure you don’t, they chose you. Weren’t you named trainee of the month like 6 times?“

“Seven.“ You corrected him quietly, forcing a low giggle out of him. 

“See, that never happened to me and I’m not dropping everything I’ve already achieved.“

“It’s because there’s only 8 girls and over 20 guys, competition is harder.“

“Don’t say that about your achievements.“

“Jaehyun…“ you shook your head. “Go back to the dorms.“

“No chance I’m going there without you.“ 

“I’m just going to walk around the city a little, I promise I’ll come back.“ You rubbed his arm reassuringly. 

“You say I’m the closest person for you and don’t even invite me… I’m offended.“ He shook his head and made a hurt face expression on his face.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.“

“I’m not going to let you get in trouble alone.“ 

“Stubborn.“ You smiled at his persistence. 

“Learned it from you.“ 

“Let’s go.“ You grabbed his palm and pulled him to go with you. 

“Where to?“ he asked excitedly and you chuckled at him.

“Dorms. If we’re going to sneak away like that, we’ll totally get busted.“ You sighed loudly hearing Jaehyun laugh behind you. 

-

“Did you…“ you cleared your throat and it gave Yuta time to turn around to face you “Did you get your ticket home yet…?“ He looked at you confused and you didn’t blame him. Not a single sigh towards him in almost a month and there you are talking to him all of a sudden all by yourself. 

“Why?“ 

“I… I thought you’re leaving…“

“Why does it matter even if I am?“ He squinted his eyes at you and you felt hurt, but moreover you felt like you deserved it. 

“I just thought you’re going to fly back home, I thought you’re hyped about it, that’s it…“ he looked at you with no emotion and continued to eat his rice. “I wanted to say I’m sorry earlier, but I was scared you’ll refuse me… You were just kind towards me and I’m an ungrateful bitch.“ You perched your lips when Yuta took a glance at you. “I never had friends, I don’t know how to take their kindness… my only friend in the past 14 years was my dad, because my mom constantly terrorised me to everything she couldn’t do in her life. I only made friends when I came here. You, and Irene too, just worried too much, I know. I’m sorry…“ you sighed and looked at your knees. Yuta kept on eating his rice with spam as if you were non-existent. “Can a have a bite?“ You caught his attention when he raised a piece of spam to his mouth. “You heard me, I saw you flinch. Now feed me.“ You moved closer to his body, pressing your thigh against his and opened your mouth with a sound as if you had your throat checked up. He turned his head to the side and bit onto his lip not being able to hold back a smile. The next second you were chewing onto the meat. “Rice too.“ He snorted at you but placed the spoon in your mouth regardless. 

“Why didn’t you leave?“ The sound of his voice in an empty kitchen made you shiver. It was too long since you heard him talk and you couldn’t hold back a smile when you heard his voice. 

“You’re saying all of the boys left?“ You turned to look at him excitedly. 

“I said nothing like that.“

“Oh, maybe it’s Jaehyun who told me.“ You stole Yuta’s chopsticks that he laid on the table and munched onto his food quietly. 

“Did all the girls leave?“

“No, Wendy’s here.“

“Oh, okay.“ He nodded “Everyone else left, you’re right.“ he inhaled and looked at your mischievous smile. 

“It feels like we’re in Harry Potter and everyone left for the Christmas break and we’re the only ones left because I have nowhere to go and your family went away.“ Yuta laughed at you. “It’s actually fun, except for the fact its autumn and they only let us leave because it’s possibly our last chance to breathe in fresh air as simple humans.“ 

“My flight is tomorrow night, you should go back home too. Isn’t Ilsan near Seoul?“

“It is, but I don’t want to.“ You looked away from him. 

“You told me your dad’s…“ you interrupted him the moment you got an idea.

“Hey! We’re all alone in a gigantic apartment. We can do literally anything. Let’s do something nasty.“ You made a movement with your hands all the villains did in movies, thinking of what possibly you could be doing.

“What is nasty in your opinion?“ Yuta’s eyes ran over your face.

“Show me Jaehyun’s room.“ his laughter was probably heard by Wendy three floors above you.

“Why?“

“I’m going to leave a note on his bed that he’s a stinky poo.“ 

“Very nasty of you.“ He shook his head as if he agreed but you knew for sure he faked it. “Maybe it’s better we watch something and call it a day.“ His fingers took the chopsticks from you. 

“Show me your room then?“ You asked mindlessly. 

“Oh no, it’s my private space.“

“Yeah private space of you and three more guys.“ Your feet made you stand up quicker than your brain worked. “To the left or to the right?“ You asked and looked for his reaction but he didn’t give you any. “Okay, I’ll start from the left. I’ll have to inspect all the rooms to see which one is yours.“ You wiggled your eyebrows and moved in direction of the first door. 

“And how are you going to find out which room is mine?“ his laughter confused you, you wondered if you randomly found out which was his on the first try. 

“The pillow always smell like its owner.“ you opened the door quickly and felt weird. Maybe it is wrong to go over all of their rooms while they’re obscene. 

“How exciting it must be to smell over 20 pillows, huh?“ You turned your head around at him and chuckled. “Don’t be surprised if there’ll be a weird rumour about you later on.“ 

“I have a feeling I’m in your room, you’re too nervous.“ You turned around when you could hear him approach. He leaned onto the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. “Is that your bed, should I start my inspection?“ You wiggled your nose at him and turned away to look for signs. You bent to see maybe on the wall next to the lower bed they had something stuck on the wall or something, but there was no sign at all. Your heart dropped to your feet, when you felt Yuta bump into you and grab you by your elbows, making you stand with your back close to him. “What? It’s yours?“ You couldn’t sense him get serious, laughing still.

“I’ll show you the room, fine.“ You clapped your hands, feeling Yuta tug you to walk in that position before him. “But you’re going to guess which bed is mine. If you’re wrong…“ he gulped above your ear “then you’re going back to Wendy, okay?“ you laughed at his conditions but agreed nonetheless. His hands let go of you the moment you stood in front of the first door on the right. You laughed at yourself for actually thinking you guessed at the first try and reached out for the handle, opening the door and walking in quickly. The gut feeling of yours told you Yuta would probably pick his bed on the lower level of the bunkbeds they had in each room. Lowering your head to see for any signs of the boy that stood behind you. 

“I’ll lay on the bed I think is yours.“ You sighed and stood in the middle to intrigue him or whatever. You probably looked idiotic and regretted not having Haechan around you for moral support. When it felt like you should make up your mind you laid onto the left bed randomly, you tried to seem confident, even though you chose it cluelessly. Yuta chuckled at you and walked in your direction. “I am right, right?“ You asked excitedly and looked at him, sitting up. 

“Hm, what if I led you to the wrong room on purpose?“ His smirk made you realise how foolish you were to believe him, sighing in disappointment. “Close your eyes, I’ll let you know.“ You did as he wished, feeling his body weight on the mattress next to you. His hand brushed against your thigh and you made a weird noise, shivering at the unexpected feeling. Yuta’s bright laughter filled the room and you couldn’t hold back from smiling. The silence ate you alive and it felt like forever since he sat down.

“Don’t tease, I want to know.“ You could feel him lean in and you perked up your ears, excited to hear the answer.

His breathing seemed heavier than usual and you wondered if it only felt this way because you never had his face this close in such silence. You bit onto your lip and wanted to look at him to scold, when he reminded you once again to keep them closed as if he could read your thoughts and you nodded. His body shuffled and the moment after your insides dropped down to your butt. His fingers ran through your cheek carefully, gently placing his fingers behind your ear, leaving his thumb to caress the soft flesh of your cheek. He pulled your face towards him in a quick but very careful motion and now his breathing made you feel hot. You gulped and found your throat dried out.

“Do you think you’d feel wrong if I kissed you?“ His lips were right in front of your ear, brushing against it from the way his lips pronounced specific letters. Your hand grabbed onto his arm unconsciously and he eased his featherlight hold in case you wanted him to let go. You shook your head a no. “Do you… Can I kiss you then?“ He noticed your eyes flutter “Don’t open your eyes yet.“ he sighed and ran his thumb over your cheek.

“I…Yes“ You whispered breathless. He made you feel hot, he made your heart beat in your ears and you just felt like staying in this position forever, right until the moment his lips laid gently atop of yours and you felt like you might’ve experienced a stroke. You couldn’t hold back a light gasp when his lips moved against yours and suddenly the embarrassment hit you like a rock. You wondered if he forgot you never kissed before or if he thought you at least knew how it worked but the fear you experienced from this proximity made all your inner senses numb. If he’d decide to ask you your name right now you most likely won’t be able to find an answer.

“Are you scared?“ He moved his face away just enough to be able to talk. You barely found strength in you to shake your head no and felt his lips in the corner of yours, pecking. “What did you feel then? Open your eyes.“ His nose brushed against your cheek forcing all of your insides to do a flip. “Did this make you excited?“ You nodded quickly and Yuta gulped in a smirk, running his fingers through your hair. “I’m glad, I’m glad I can make you feel excited.“ He smiled sincerely and leaned in once again to lightly brush his lips against yours.

“I’m sorry I’m not good enough.“ You mumbled under your breath when Yuta’s hand angled your head differently.

“Mmh, it’s not true.“ He took a deep breath in, connecting his lips to your jaw. “If you like me too, it’s more than enough.“ Your fingers finally let go of his arm when he blew onto the wet spot on your neck, you couldn’t believe how heavy it made you feel in your lower stomach, grabbing onto his shoulder for support.

“You like me?“ You asked him as if it wasn’t clear enough already. 

“Yes, since the first day I saw you from afar. I wanted to tell you I want you to be mine but I had no idea how to say anything in Korean except a simple hi.“

“Has it not been over a year since we’ve known each other?“ You looked at him confused.

“At first I thought you dated Jaehyun and then… then I realised I’m not as cool to do that. I just thought being friends is better than being ignored by you in case you turned me down, but not now, not when you lay in my bed.“

“So it is your bed?“ You smiled proudly.

“You silly girl, I’m trying to confess my feelings to you.“ He smiled at you sweetly and pinched your cheek.

“I just… I don’t know what to tell… nothing like this ever happened to me.“

“You can say that you like me too, or that you don’t. Anything is fine.“

“This room is too warm…“

“It isn’t, you’re just too worked up from me.“

“Don’t get your hopes high, it’s just warm here.“ he chuckled lowly and kissed you once again. “And I never kissed before, it’s only natural to get nervous, no matter who it happens with.“

“Okay, I agree.“ He nodded and moved back from you and you felt like you did something wrong so you caught his hand with yours.

“But you made me feel warm here.“ Your eyes glued his while laying his hand on your lower stomach. “I feel it because I’m attracted to you.“ You said quietly and moved your face in front of his. “Promise to make me the greatest kisser?“ You bit onto your lip and couldn’t help your heart from fluttering when he smiled back at you.

“I’ll try my best for you, baby.“ He laid your lips atop of yours once again and you couldn’t hold back your excitement.

-

“Jaehyun-ah!“ You exclaimed excitedly and waved at your friend. It’s been the longest in past two years you haven’t seen him. 

“Hi.“ he dropped his body on the seat next to you and looked at you weirdly. “Why are you looking at me like that?“ He squinted his eyes at you and made you chuckle. 

“Did you enjoy spending time at home?“ 

“We went on vacation.“ 

“I envy you!“ You sighed and looked at your hands that were laying on your knees. “You should’ve asked me to go with you! It must’ve been nice!“ You hit his arm playfully and leaned in more to look him in the eyes.

“Didn’t you go home? I would’ve taken you with me if I knew you want to.“ You made a cute sound, wrapping your hands quickly around his shoulders. Your head rested against his shoulder, while your eyes watched the door carefully. 

“Did you see Yuta?“

“Yuta?“ his arm that crawled slowly onto your waist let go of you, and you sat back up.

“Yeah.“

“Why?“ he seemed surprised and you tried to remember if you two ever spoke in front of Jaehyun.

“He said he’ll bring Japanese sweets for me, so I’m wondering if he’s back or not.“

“Oh, okay.“ Jaehyun nodded and turned to watch who entered the room “I don’t know actually if he’s back, I didn’t see him yet.“

“Didn’t see who?“ Ten sat down on the right to Jaehyun and stared at you. 

“Yuta.“ You said carelessly and sat deeper into the seat. 

“Ask John, they’re sharing room.“ Ten looked at Jaehyun probably thinking he was the one who searched for him. 

“Why everyone’s late?“ You tried to switch the topic, counting people in the room “There’s like half of us… Did you see new trainee’s by the way? 

“No, not yet.“

“I met the girl that came this week, and a guy Donyoung, he said he came 2 weeks ago but I never saw him when I was at the…“ you almost said at the boys dorm but stopped yourself halfway. 

“When you were where?“ Jaehyun’s attention was caught on you and it made you feel nervous. You couldn’t come up with anything that you could say.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.“ Irene, Seulgi and Wendy ran in quickly, sitting themselves in the same row with you. 

“Where did you three go after practice?”

“Oh…“ Seulgi sighed and you would lie if you didn’t sense something weird in the way they looked at each other.

“We ran into Sooyoung, trainee girl we run into sometimes in the practice room, remember? We chatted a little and lost track of time.“ Irene chuckled and caressed your knee in reassurance. 

“Oh, yeah. I heard she’s going to debut in that girl group they talked about.“ 

“Huh?“ Wendy looked at you confused “You heard about it?“

“Of course.“ You smiled widely. “I so wish all of us will get into that group. It’s going to be so much fun to debut together.“ You could feel your heart beat faster at a single thought of debuting. 

“I know, so much fun.“ Seulgi smiled back at you looking away when Irene gave her a look. 

“Oh, manager’s here.“ Ten pointed out and made everyone shut their mouths. 

“Seems like everyone’s here, great.“ She quickly ran her eyes over the tops of your heads and you couldn’t help but wonder how is that enough for her to recognise all of you. 

“I’m sorry, Yuta is actually not here yet, I heard his flight is pretty late.“ The manager sighed disapprovingly at Johnny and paused. 

“Well, he should’ve planned everything so he would not be late to an important meeting with everyone. Didn’t I say that everyone should be back by 5?“ Your eyes ran over the floor. 

“I’m sure if there was an earlier flight, he would’ve came in time.“ You whispered to yourself madly, not finding enough courage to say something aloud. 

“I’m sorry.“ Yuta ran into the room quickly, trying to catch his breath and you almost jumped up from your seat for whatever reason. Your eyes followed him quietly, watching him pick an empty seat way too far for you to watch him comfortably. He breathed heavily and tried to keep quiet at the same time, while the manager stared at him furiously but all you could think about was him turning his head to find you, but he didn’t. 

“Do you understand that allowing all of you to go back home is a huge bonus? It’s a privilege we gifted you as payment for your hard work. What next? Going to be late for schedules? You do realise that there’s over 10 people waiting specifically for you? Do you understand that staff at schedules is not going to wait for you like all of us did here? You’re a no one and will always stay as no one if you’ll keep this disgusting behaviour.“

“I’m sorry.“ he repeated again and lowered his head. 

“Foreigners like you always seem to think they’re needed here when in fact it’s you who needs us so next time find your lost conscience and get here in time. Maybe you forgot that I can get your Japanese ass out of the Rookies list? Out of the whole company too?“ You bit onto your lip so hard you could feel it start bleeding.

“Please stop.“ You cried out loud and Jaehyun grabbed your hand harshly to keep you quiet. 

“Y/n, you have something to say I see?“

“We’re not dogs.“ You stood up and noticed how everyone had their heads lowered.

“Y/n, please sit down.“ Jaehyun pulled onto your hand, whispering to you same three words.

“You’re the only manager that treat us like dogs. We are humans, some of us are probably much better than you are, that’s why you’re bullying us.“

“Get out.“ 

“Y/n, please say you’re sorry and sit down.“ Irene whispered to you too. 

“I will gladly leave and go to Lee Soo Man or whoever there is you’re scared of. I’ll go and tell them.“ You pushed Jaehyun from you and walked quickly towards the door. 

“If you’re leaving this door don’t even dream of ever debuting in your entire life.“ She spoke as if she put dots between every word in her sentence. You turned to face the room and got caught up in Yuta’s stare. He lowered his head like everyone else but still was able to look at you from under his forehead. Barely visible movement of his head and you lost your confidence in a second. He didn’t want you to go and he showed it once again with his head movement. “Sit down now and I’ll pretend you never opened your mouth.“ You could sense her fear, if she didn’t feel threatened by you she would not act this way, you just had the feeling.

Yuta’s fingers tapped an empty seat next to him in a swift motion and you quickly sat down next to him, not feeling like crawling over all those people back to Jaehyun. You knew it was embarrassing, making a scene and backing away is embarrassing. You couldn’t hold back tears that prickled your eyes, wiping them quietly while pretending you were listening to the manager’s speech.

“You’re idiotic.“ Jaehyun ran to you with the speed of lightning. “What if she would’ve done what she promised?“ He scolded you in front of everyone. The manager left but everyone still felt pressed down to their seats not knowing if your idea to tell someone about her bullying is a great idea or not. 

“So you disagree with me?“ You stood up to face Jaehyun properly “You think I’m wrong for saying we’re not dogs? All of you, right? Scared for your asses to be dumped out of here. I’m the only one who’s not afraid then, sweet. A whole bloody room of pathetic losers!“ You shouted and felt even more pathetic than you thought they were.

“No, Y/n, I agree with you… but there should be a better way to this than blowing up in the middle of the practice room.“ Johnny spoke out of all of them.

“Y/n, let’s think and work this out peacefully.“ Taeyong suggested from next to you. “I agree with you, what she said to Yuta is not how she should talk to us. It could’ve been any of us.“ Jaehyun rubbed your arm and hugged you from behind with his arm, his other slipped down to hold your palm. 

“He’s right. We need to go back… school homework is not going to disappear on its own.“ Jaehyun pulled onto your hand.

“Are you okay?“ You asked Yuta carefully, leaving Jaehyun ignored.

“I am.“ Yuta nodded and closed his eyes “Japanese ass and foreigner are actually the nicest insults I’ve heard from her.“ He chuckled and looked you in the eyes as if he heard something funny.

“I’m sorry.“ You glued your eyes to the floor, wishing that people around you disappeared, wishing that there was only Yuta and you, wished that he’d kiss you the way he did it two weeks ago, that evening, before he left back home. There wasn’t a night when you went to bed and haven’t thought of the kiss, there wasn’t a day you didn’t think of hugging Yuta, because the sudden realisation you never even hugged him pained you terribly. 

“Let’s go?“ Jaehyun pulled onto your hand making you upset with the fact punching him right now would probably look weird. You looked around the room and noticed how almost everyone have left to dorms, except a small group of people.

“Hey, I thought we can tell you, we’re having something like a little party in our room since everyone’s back and there’s only a month left. Want to come too?“ Mark said suddenly and you looked at him confused.

“It’s just me, Mark, Johnny, Yuta, Taeyong, Jaehyun and you, if you’ll come.“ Hyuck added quickly.

“Can you please bring Koeun with you?“ Mark said suddenly, forcing giggles out of all of you.“

“If she’’ll agree, okay, I will.“ You smiled and nodded.

-

“Where the two of you are going?” 

“Mart, need anything?“ Koeun said carelessly to not draw attention. 

“Are you two not scared of getting scolded?” Wendy asked impressed. 

“Koeun got sent money from parents, she wanted to buy sweets for our choreography teacher.” 

“Yeah, I did.” she nodded quickly and Wendy shrugged, opening the door to her room. 

“What if she’ll decide to check on us in fifteen?” 

“Wendy don’t care big time.” you rolled your eyes and waved Koeun away. 

“Okay.” her head bobbed as you two exited the apartment, heading straight to the stairs that would take you three floors lower. “Why you didn’t invite other girls?” she asked jumping onto each stair. 

“Because it’s a secret party. Mark probably invited me last minute because he wanted me to…” you squeezed your eyes at her in a second. “D’you like anyone?” 

“Like in what way?” 

“Would you kiss anyone?” 

“Y/n, what you’re saying!” she made a high peached sound and slapped your shoulder. “Would you?” she asked a moment later and a smile you gave her could only be called as an embarrassing one. “Did you already?” she jumped up holding onto your hand in a painful squeeze. 

“I…” you opened your mouth to speak but got interrupted but Koeun. 

“I just KNEW you and Jaehyun are the cutest couple ever.” 

“What?” you chuckled and pushed her off your shoulder. “I never kissed Jaehyun.” you rang the bell and the door got opened way too quickly for you to not have a jump scare. 

“Jaehyun what?” Taeyong asked as he met you with his wide eyes smiling. 

“I’m wondering if Jaehyun will sing the song with me.” 

“What song?” you couldn’t understand why Taeyong got so invested in your made up story,  so you just bent to undo your converse that you wore specifically to walk the stairs because they looked the most decent with your outfit. “We should be quiet, we didn’t tell anyone. It’s in Yuta’s, Johnny’s, Marks and Donghyuck’s room…” watching you undo your shoes. 

“What do you have for drinks and food?” Koeun asked excitedly. 

“Not much, I didn’t actually check what they brought.” his head turned away when all of you heard a thud on one of the doors. “Shit.” he whispered and froze, you froze too but then thought maybe it’s better to grab Koeun’s hand and run towards the room. You did so and opened the door loudly, making all of the boys freeze. 

“Got scared, losers?” you smirked and moved out of the way when Taeyong entered the room too.

“How… how did you know which room is Johnny’s room?” he stared at you confused. 

“I heard noises coming from them, you don’t need to be a genius for that.” you bumped your fist into his shoulder lightly and met with Jaehyun’s eyes. He stretched out his hand and you took it gladly, sitting down by his side. You couldn’t help but beam at the way Mark shyly invited Koeun to see next to him. You met eyes with Johnny, who looked more like a proud dad and you had to break eye contact when Yuta moved next to Jaehyun. You looked at him and almost said hi, only to notice that his eyes lazily brushed past you. You felt like someone pinched you and turned to look at Jaehyun who’s smile only grew bigger when his eyes met yours. 

“What was the initial plan for the party?” you whispered into his ear like you always did. Jaehyun’s hand slid down your body to find support for him by resting against the floor next to your side. 

“I don’t know.” his nose hit your cheek on accident and the both of you laughed loudly. 

“Johnny, what’s the plan?” 

“Chatting, music and I actually brought ton of food.” he stood up and his tall figure was enough to grab a bag that hid from your eyes on the second level of the bunkbed. 

“I thought you guys have something stronger.” Koeun said quietly looking at Johnny. 

“What you mean by that?” Mark tried to keep the volume low too. 

“Alcohol?” she blinked multiple times. 

“Aren’t you like… 14?”

“You’re 13.” she fought Donghyuck for some reason and you turned away the moment their fight got even more pointless and even more heated. 

“Want to eat something?” your head shook a quick no at Jaehyun and you looked at your knees. You’ve never been to such a party before but you were pretty sure it could get on the list of the lamest gatherings of 2013 for sure. “I have a lot of board games in my room.” Jaehyun cleared his throat to talk louder. “If anyone wants…”

“I want.” you nodded quickly and he stood up, leaving your back without support from his arm. 

“Anyone else?” your eyes ran over the room of unamused by this idea teenagers. 

“Ugh… I guess you can bring them and we’ll see.” Taeyong suggested and you perched up your lips. 

“Can you help me? There’s quite a few.” you agreed and stood up next to him, exiting the room and following him behind. 

“Who do you share your room with?”

“Taeyong, Jeno and Hansol.” 

“They’ll feel uncomfortable, I’ll wait outside.” 

“Okay.” you nodded and stood next to the door like you were on the watch. Jaehyun took quite a few minutes and you wondered if he got in trouble. Your head immediately turned to the right when you could hear the designated party rooms door open. Yuta walked towards the entrance quietly, not giving you a single glance. 

“Come with me.” his voice was emotionless while he put his shoes on. 

“I’m waiting for Jaehyun.” 

“Come with me.” he repeated monotonously.

“Where to?”

“Mart, come on, put your shoes on quickly.” his hand pulled you towards your shoes and you began to put them on. 

“But Jaehyun…” you whispered as you tied your shoe laces. 

“Y/n…?” he finally exited the room with a whole lot of board games with him. 

“I…Yut…”

“She’ll help pick food at the mart, don’t worry I’ll bring her back to you quickly.” Yuta tugged on your forearm and you exited the apartment while staring Jaehyun in the eyes apologetically. 

But as soon as the door closed, there wasn’t a single thought of Jaehyun left. Your head turned into Yuta’s direction in anticipation but instead of catching Yuta’s eyes in response, you were met with the back of his head. His hand let go of you to press the elevator button and the two of you stood quietly next to it. 

“Why did you ask me to come…?” you broke off the silence when the two of you weren’t far from the designated shop. If it didn’t weigh on him, it totally did weigh on you. You couldn’t guess he’d want to act quiet after the kiss you shared, you couldn’t wrap your head around it because every time you’d get any sort of reminder of Yuta you’d feel fireworks of excitement in your chest. 

“To help me pick food at the mart.” his fingers wrapped around the handle and he opened the door, letting you to come in first. “You can choose anything you’d want to eat. Anything you and Koeun would want to eat.” he corrected him quickly. 

“Why?” 

“What do you mean why?” Even his sarcastic laughter and smile made your heart sink. 

“We don’t want anything.”

“It’s a lie. Come.” his hand pulled you to the beverages stand. “Juice, coke, soda?” you lowered your head and shook it. “Go pick, don’t make me annoyed.” his hand laid on your shoulder and squeezed it. “Come on.” he said softer and you thought to yourself that maybe it’s his way of showing care. Maybe with food he wants to let you know he likes you the way he meant it that evening. Your fingers reached out for two grape tasted sodas. “You can take more if you want to.”

“Shouldn’t we take some back for the boys?” 

“I’m not obliged to buy them shit.” he chuckled.

“Can I take one more, for Jaehyun?” 

“Yeah, sure.” he nodded and watched you get the drink. 

“Do you not want some?” 

“I’ll take what I want, don’t worry.” he bobbed his head at you and pushed you to walk forward, by laying his palm on your back. “Do you want snacks?” 

“Just take anything you’d like.” 

“You’re eating, right?” he looked at you, taking packs of jelly and crisps. 

“I am, stop asking this every time. I didn’t tell you because I wanted whole world to know.” 

“Okay.” his nod made you believe the topic was closed and sealed for a while. 

“Can you take those shrimp chips? Jaehyun loves them.” 

“Yeah.” he nodded and the two of you kept on walking around the shop. Yuta forced you to get ridiculous amount of snacks enough for two shopping bags, that each of you carried back to the dorms. You slowly moved your feet not knowing how to ask Yuta questions, how to get the weight on your shoulders out of your chest. He opened his mouth as if he could hear your thoughts, speaking. 

“Are you, by any chance… in love with Jaehyun?” 

“I thought we were past that.” you sighed and stopped in front of the building. Going up would mean you two are going to get back to all your friends. “I thought you know who I like.” 

“You’re always talking about him, I was just thinking there’s a chance you had feelings for him deep down of you.” 

“Why?” for some reason it sounded like Yuta was upset at your reply. “I… I was thinking of you… all those days. I was thinking when you’d come back how could we sneak away. You asked me to go with you and I thought because you missed me too and maybe wanted to kiss me… but I don’t think you did think of any of it.” 

“Y/n, I did think of you and the kiss too…” he finally took a look at you and you took a step closer. 

“I think I do really like you.” you whispered and stood on your tiptoes to match Yuta’s height. 

“That’s what I wanted to talk about when I asked you to come with me.” his fingers held onto your shoulder and he forced you to step back. “I think this is kind of wrong. I know I initiated all of it when you just wanted to see my room, but I think I lost my senses and I should say that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” you furrowed your eyebrows. 

“For getting your hopes high. There’s too many boundaries for all of it to go on.” 

“I don’t understand what boundaries you’re talking about.” your eyes blinked quickly and you couldn’t believe you were feeling hurt as much as you did right now. 

“You’re literally 15. I don’t know where was my brain, but I’m not going to seduce a fifteen year old to be with me.”

“Didn’t you say you like me? From the first day…?”

“I do like you it’s just that we’re not going to work out right now… you’re technically a child, I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I think it’s the best way. I still want to be your friend, I still want to take part in your life and I…” 

“So I’m a child?” you interrupted him when your brain finally processed what he did. 

“I mean you..” you couldn’t hear what he tried to say when you felt furious.

“Oh, I’m a child, so you decided to deal with this how grown ups like you deal with kids - bought me shit ton of sweets so I’ll eat them and forgive you for whatever shit you’ll try to say? Is that why you insisted so much on buying food? Take your bag and eat it yourself! Don’t try to talk to me ever again, I’m a child who you kissed. I’m sure they’ll kick you out if everyone at the company will find out.” you shoved the bag into his chest and walked quickly inside of the building. 

“Y/n, please wait. I didn’t want to fight, I’m doing this for the better. For the both of us. You’re probably going to debut in that girl group next year and things will get messy. I don’t want us to drown, please.” 

“I don’t want to hear your lame excuses. Take what I said before as a gift for your tremendous ego.” 

“Where are you going?” he walked up the stair behind you. 

“My room.” 

“Come back to Jaehyun, he’s going to get suspicious.” you breathed heavily and could not agree that Yuta was right about it. You turned to enter the floor with the boys dorm at and waited for Yuta to open the door. He let you in first and without giving his presence any sort of attention, you took your shoes off quickly, running into the room. 

“Where did you lose Yuta and food?” Johnny asked loudly and Haechan chuckled. 

“He’s behind.” your eyes ran over the room, noticing Mark having a guitar in his hands and Jaehyun sitting with his games on the bed, sorting out cards from one of them. “Did you already play?” you say next to him and watch his fingers move over the cardboard. 

“No, no one wanted so I’m just sorting out things.” he seemed visibly upset and it made you upset too. 

“Hey, let’s play together?”

”You don’t have to pretend you want to play with me.” 

”Jaehyun.” your hand laid atop of his and he raised his eyes to look at you. ”I never lied to you and I’m not planning on starting doing so. Closest person out of everyone here, and well… probably in the whole entire world, remember?” he nodded vigorously at you and finally laid cards with characters drown on them into its place. 

”What you want to play?” Your eyes quickly ran over the boxes laying over your best friend. 

”Halli Galli? I’m not that much of board game pro.”

”I’ll teach you. I’ve always played games on the weekends with my parents, and sometimes with friends too. It’s fun and helps you to not think about things. It always helped me to get my mind off the upcoming basketball games.” Jaehyun sounded excited while saying all of these things and you couldn’t help yourself but smile at him. 

”You’re really passionate about it. There’s not that many 16 year old guys who openly enjoy board games.” You chuckled lowly and looked around to see that no one actually payed attention to you two.

”I’m not openly enjoying board games, I just thought I should bring them here for boring evenings. You’re the only one who knows my secret, shhh.” he raised his pointing finger to his lips, leaning in closer to you to giggle in unison. 

”Okay, I’ll do my best to keep it.” you sat back straight and reached for the cards, setting up the bell between you two. The game went by quickly and you couldn’t help but exclaim in pain every time Jaehyun’s hand landed on top of yours on the bell.

”Are you a slow poke?” you laughed at him when for the fifth time in a row Jaehyun was slower than you.

”You’re too quick, give in once.” He whined and once you two placed your cards, you reached for the bell and came first. 

”You’re totally a slow poke!” You laughed loudly. ”We should’ve come up with a penalty.” 

”What else do you want from me? I already lost.” Jaehyun dropped his back onto the headboard in annoyance and you couldn’t help but lean in to him to hug his disappointment away. 

”Come on Yuno-ya” you forced him to move his body when you fell next to him and hugged. ”Do you not want to hug your misery away with your favourite bestie.” You chuckled and felt his hands wrap around you for a second before he pushed you to sit back up.

”Don’t call me Yuno.” He squeezed his eyes at you and began putting all the cards together.

”Why is that?” You chuckled at his antics.

”I’m mad at you for winning, don’t try to get under my skin.”

”Now that you’re grumpy like that I’m not missing my chance to tease you.” his sigh was loud enough for the whole room to hear you. ”Yuno.” You stretched your back and met eyes with Yuta, who you’re pretty sure unknowingly sucked all of the happiness out of your chest. ”I’ll go back.” you announced aloud. ”Eun-ah, are you going to stay for a while or…?” 

”I’ll…” she gulped and you could feel she wanted to stay.

”You can stay for as long as you want to.” Yuta said to her but looked at you. 

”Okay, I’ll go myself then.”

”Come on, Y/n, stay a little longer, we only played one round.” 

”Kids should be sleeping by now and I’m a child so I should head to bed.” 

”You’re a child?” Johnny chuckled ”Who said that bullshit?” 

”Someone did.” You shrugged and walked towards the door. ”Have fun and good night.” You waved at everyone and left.

-

December came quickly, and with having your debut as a Rookie right around the corner your whole life got even more turned upside down that it already was.

Getting back to practice after your ‘privileged’ days off felt good, mood of every trainee raising at the thought of upcoming debut, so dorm was mostly filled with teenagers who’s heads were in the clouds. 

But more importantly, all of you practiced so hard the only thing you did besides that was sleep. It helped to wash away thoughts of Yuta off your head. Sometimes you’d still catch yourself going back to his lips on yours, reminiscing of what it felt like, what he tasted like, but then you just talked yourself out of it. You were crying over a crush you never even realised you had before he made a move. You were glad now that the two of you left it as it is. At the end of the day, he maybe was right, that things would get messy eventually. 

“It’s tomorrow.” you ran into Jaehyun on your way to the dorm, feeling his fingers wrap around yours. “Can you believe it’s tomorrow.” he repeated himself. 

“Why are you so nervous?” you chuckled and squeezed his hands back. “They’re just going to post our photos on Facebook.”

“Aren’t you nervous of what people will think?” 

“Should I?” you laughed at him and he let you go. 

“You’re right, I probably shouldn’t too.” he inhaled loudly. 

“I didn’t mean it like that…” You gulped and got back closer to him. Maybe you shouldn’t have shoved your fake confidence in his face, you were maybe more nervous than he was, but showing it meant being weak, and you hated being weak even if it was in front of Jaehyun only. Being weak lead you to believing that Yuta wanted you and were promising yourself to not ever show any type of weakness. “Did you film a singing video?” you asked to move his mind onto something else. “Or a dancing maybe?” 

“Did you?” 

“Ugh, yeah, last week we went around streets and they shot a quick video of me singing. I wasn’t told much but it’s for their YouTube.” 

“Nice… I wasn’t asked for any of that… what if everyone did and I’m just an outcast… I knew I needed practicing and I knew I need to…”

“Jaehyun-ah?” 

“Mmh?” he shot his head up out of trance. 

“I’m sure you’re perfect, okay?” 

“Don’t try to comfort me.”

“What is up with your self esteem?” 

“Whatever.” he waved you away and turned to walk. 

“Huh? What’s that?” you tried to lift his mood up by giggling. “Want me to hold your hand tomorrow when they’ll post it?” you hung on his hand hidden in the pocket getting outside. 

“I do.” he looked you dead serious in the eyes and you swallowed a chuckle. 

“Are you actually scared?” you asked him softly and his nod made you regret your previous laughter and stop walking. “Okay, I’ll hold your hand, you don’t have to worry. I’m always around when you’ll need it.” you noticed his ears turn the slightest shade of pink. “Come on, you’re getting cold now.” you pushed him to go. 

“I have a laptop, we can gather in our living room. Do you know who else is being revealed?” 

“I think Lami and Irene.” you took a second to remember who was on the list you checked last night at the practice room. 

“You can ask them to come too.”

“I will, but I’m not promising anything, okay?” he nodded and you hugged him goodbye, leaving the elevator on your floor. 

-

“Oh, you’re alone?” Jaehyun asked disappointed. 

“Am I not enough company, Yuno?” you squinted your eyes at him suspiciously.  

“I thought they’ll want to gather for this moment.” he chuckled and shrugged after, letting you in quickly. 

“They just…” you sighed while taking your shoes off, preparing yourself mentally for a lie. You didn’t want to tell him you never asked them to come. First and foremost because you knew Irene would most likely decline, and because you knew Lami would totally tag along. She was small, cute and irresistible and once you’d suggest you knew she’d accept, so you opted to keep your mouth shut. Not because you were against either of them coming but just because you felt like they were not allowed to see your friends vulnerable side. You just felt like you were the only one who was supposed to live this moment through with him and you found yourself enjoying the idea of barricading the two of you out of the whole wide world. “Irene didn’t want to, duh.” you chuckled, “Lami had school things to do, so yeah… I’m sorry nobody else came.” 

“It’s fine, you’re more than enough.” he smiled fondly and invited you to the living room. His laptop stood on the coffee table and the room was surprisingly quiet. You expected to not be left alone with Jaehyun, but all the guys seemed to disappear from the dorm. Your brain suddenly traveled to the other time you were in the same dorm one on one with a guy, beating air for the slightest moment out of your lungs. 

“I’m probably acting foolish…” Jaehyun sighed and propped his body on the couch. 

“You aren’t.” you sat next to him, craning your neck to look at Jaehyun. “Are we going to see what people are commenting?”

“If you want to, yeah.” he nodded and the face expression he made made his dimples visible. You couldn’t hold yourself back, pinching his cheek right the moment he focused his eyes on the laptop screen.  

“You’re acting like a baby now.” you chuckled when he grabbed onto your hand, pushing it off his face. “A big ass baby.” you commented while his fingers ran over the keyboard, opening the right page. The fear you tried to hide hit you suddenly when your eyes could see the logo of the website and you wrapped your body around Jaehyun’s arm.

“It’s you.” he said suddenly, his voice dying in nervousness. 

“And you too.” you moved closer to the screen, running your eyes over and over again through the page as if it’s going to change. 

“They look young.” Jaehyun read out loud the comment you set your eyes on. 

“What’s else in there.” you gulped and reached for the laptop, hiding the screen away from Jaehyun. “He’s handsome!” you couldn’t hide away your smile, looking up from the screen at Jaehyun who seemed to not catch what you said. “The guy is a total visual!” you giggled and hid your face behind the screen to find something else. “I want more info on him. Hm…” you scrolled through “The guy from yesterday was totally hotter.” you met eyes with Jaehyun who finally seemed to listen. “I’m sorry love, Taeyong’s hotter.” you chuckled at the way Jaehyun smiled. “I can see him be the lead vocal.” you sighed “Visual, visual, cutie.” you scrolled mindlessly through comments. 

“I don’t believe that it’s there.” he finally spoke and looked at you weirdly. 

“It’s there, look.” you turned the screen back at Jaehyun. “I want him to debut soon.” you read the new comment that popped up. “Just admit you’re handsome.” you couldn’t hold back your smile anymore. The compliments you read made you feel as if they were directed at you, for some reason knowing people liked Jaehyun made you feel at ease. 

“Let’s see what people think of your singing.” Jaehyun suggested suddenly making that ‘at ease’ feeling fade away in a second. 

“It’s probably boring.” you rolled your eyes and hoped he’d move on to something else but he didn’t and the idea of him reading out comments about you made you freezing cold. It wasn’t really the perfect time and place to realise you were deadly afraid of what people think of you, but the thing happened anyway so you had to choke on your emotions and blink away the fear. You just felt like the both of you shouldn’t be scared at the same time, and while Jaehyun already was, you found it only logical to act all tough until the day he takes the lead from you. “Okay, go on.” you rolled your eyes and raised an eyebrow at him. 

“‘She looks young.’ You really do.” you wondered if he’s going to add his cute remarks to every comment he reads. “Wow! Vocals!” he raised his eyes at you showing off his dimples. The front door made the both of your attention run to whoever entered the apartment. “Oh, Yuta, hi!” he smiled widely and lowered his head back onto the laptop. 

“Hi…” Yuta sighed and you could hear him walk in further, probably noticing you by now. “Y/n? Hi.” you didn’t want to seem weird but you didn’t want to turn around and see him either, so your pride took over and you ignored him. “What you two are up to?” Yuta’s presence made you shiver and even though you still couldn’t see him, you could feel him close behind you. You just waited patiently for Jaehyun to answer and Yuta to leave quickly but neither of them seemed to want the same thing, with the way Jaehyun turned his laptop towards Yuta. 

“I’m reading comments under Y/n’s video. We were posted today.” he smiled proudly and you couldn’t understand where that face expression came from. 

“What are they saying?“ Yuta seemed invested and you finally turned to face him only to find him leaning in to rest his knee behind you on the couch, balancing with his arm on the backrest of it. His eyes were focused on Jaehyun and you wondered if he tried to pretend you were invisible. 

“That she’s a great singer and pretty.” 

“When did they say I’m pretty?” you chimed in, moving a bit forward from Yuta. 

“I saw it somewhere.” Jaehyun quickly glanced at you. 

“Can I scroll?” Yuta moved his body more towards you when Jaehyun nodded and moved his hand onto your shoulder making you gasp in annoyance. You weren’t there to be the stand he can lean onto. “People really like you Jaehyun, I’m proud of you.” Yuta sounded genuine and you smiled at Jaehyun. You could read in his eyes he was happy with his older brothers approval. “You too, Y/n. I would be surprised if someone didn’t find you beautiful.” his eyes focused on you for a little too long before he turned back onto the screen. His body bent over your shoulder for a few more moments, standing up and leaving the two of you one on one again. 

“Who’s your favourite at the dorms?” you asked when Jaehyun was still scrolling through the comments section.

“Hm?” he looked at you puzzled clearly missing out the question. 

“Who do you think is your real friend here?” 

“You?” he asked confused, squinting his eyes slightly in confusion. 

“Nah, not me. I’m talking this floor.”

“Oh, this floor.” he closed the laptop to think the question through. “I don’t know, Johnny? I think I get along with everyone and I haven’t thought of it this way… I like spending time with Yuta, and then other guys too…” 

“You really are a baby.” you chuckled at him. 

“Why is that?” 

“I guess girls just built differently. There’s the talk who’s best friends with who, who fancies who. Who’d you want to debut with and things like that. Y’all are just chilled, I love that.” you nodded approvingly. 

“So who are you best friends with?” 

“I don’t know…” you sighed. “I thought I was close with Seulgi but recently we barely talk and I guess I’m just not interesting to her anymore…” you bit onto your lip. “I’m mostly hanging out with Koeun. Yeri too, but she’s kinda distant now too.” 

“Why though?” 

“I don’t know… maybe they just don’t like me.” you smiled at Jaehyun and he laughed loudly at your assumption. 

“I’m sure they do. Didn’t you tell me about that girl group? I’m sure all of you will debut soon. You’ll get super close once again  while preparing, I’m sure. We’ll probably get distant but I’m going to root for you no matter what, don’t worry.” his palm laid atop of your shoulder reassuringly and you squinted your eyes happily. A single thought of debuting with your friends took you to cloud 9.  

-

“Hey, hey, what’s up?” Jaehyun’s arms tried to catch you when you practically flew past him. Your feet walked quicker than you ever thought you were able to and even though you did notice him, there was practically no chance for you to give him any reaction with the way you walked. “Y/n, hey?” Jaehyun ran behind you and had to pull onto your hand when you didn’t stop even when the two of you were half way to the dorm. “What…” his mood visibly changed when he could see your face from under your cap. “You’re crying?” he asked confused. “Hey, what happened?” his voice became visibly softer and you raised your head to see him properly. “I’m confused… what happened?” he bit onto his lip while you tried to contain yourself to speak. 

“I saw the final list for the girl group. I’m not there.” you failed to speak more when another wave of tears fell over you. “I know now where they disappeared, I know why I felt left out, I wasn’t the reason, they knew all along. I thought we were friends. I was asked to come for a few practices but I knew something was off, if they said the group is debuting in August and now it’s May, and I literally was asked to come to like a practice a week. I… I don’t… I can’t believe they… I thought we were friends but they just lied into my face, said we’re going to be debuting together.” Jaehyun pulled you for a hug, while your breathing hitched terribly and you knew he could barely work out what you were saying. “They went to practice without me all the time, that’s why Irene always came late to the dorm. That bi… she lied to me when I asked her, I don’t want to sleep in the same room with her. I hate them all! I hate the company!” Jaehyun squeezed your body in his hands tighter and you felt small next to him for the first time in your life. 

“Y/n, please don’t cry so much, you’re going to have puffy eyes.” 

“You’re like my mom.” you swallowed a chuckle. 

“It’s not what I meant.” 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” you tried to take deep breaths but they still gave away your wish to cry. “My mom is just going to kill me, that’s it. I don’t know how to tell her.” 

“I know deep down she’s proud of you and loves you and you being here is enough for her happiness. If it’s not this girl group, it’ll be the next one. Im sure you were crossed off that debuting list because you’re too young for the rest of them. 98 right? Irene’s like 91, the rest of them around her age. You’re just a baby yet, they’ll put you in the next group…” Jaehyun’s fingers caressed your hair carefully. “Or what if their plan is to make a BoA out of you? Our generation BoA, even I’ll be asking for your autographs.” you raised your head from his chest to take in fully his effort to make you feel better. 

“I love you so much, thank you, Jaehyun. No one ever cared for me the way you do, I… I never thought I’ll ever be able to have a friend like you. Please, when you’ll find out you’re debuting, don’t lie to me, okay?” you smiled at him with a smirk. 

“Love you too, and no, I won’t lie. Didn’t we agree to never lying.” 

“We did.” you sighed and lowered your head back onto his chest. 

“Do you feel any better?”

“Now yes… but going to the dorm is just sounding disgusting. I’m probably going to fight with them if they’ll try to talk to me ever again.” 

“You know… I don’t want us to fight… but I guess it’s really not the girls fault. They didn’t decide on this… and well… I’m sure they wanted to debut with you, it’s just the company and I’m sure it’s for the best. They probably weren’t allowed to tell you.” 

“You’re right but still… I can be mad.” you lightly punched his shoulder and sighed. 

“You are, I’d be crying too if I were you.” 

“Glad to know.” you could feel his chest tremble with the laugh that escaped his throat. “Is it weird if I’ll ask you to let me stay on the couch of your floor…?”

“Probably…” he sighed looking like he thought about options. “Want to come to my house?”

“What do you mean?” you squinted your eyes. 

“My house is near, my parents won’t mind, we could probably stay there for a couple of days.”

“Together?”

“If you’re okay with it you can stay there alone…” he chuckled. “You just have to tell someone at the dorm, I’m sure they’ll notice.” 

“I’m not their priority, I’m sure they won’t.” 

“Oh, stop.” Jaehyun sighed, watching you get from his hold, walking towards the building. 

“I’m going to befriend your parents and stay at your house until the day those people move to their personal dorm.”

“Don’t act dramatic.” his hand fell over your shoulders, leading you to the building. 

“I’m still hurt and upset.” 

“I know, it’s normal. We’ll get over it, I’m sure.” Jaehyun’s hand squeezed your shoulders. “Actually, we were told we’re going to appear on some show.”

“What show?” 

“It’s something with EXO, I’m not sure yet, they just said we’re going to start filming soon and we’re practicing for it starting today.”

“Congratulations, you.” you put on a sincere smile even when you were dying inside from your own failures. 

“I wanted to tell you, before I realised you’re crying… it doesn’t matter actually, we’ll talk about it another day.”

“No, tell me, I want to know.” 

“Exo and all the SM Rookies boys are going to remake 90s songs… I believe original artist are going to come too… anyway… I feel like I’m showing off right now.” he chuckled awkwardly. 

“It’s fine, I’m serious. I love hearing you happy, it makes me feel better…” your fingers wrapped over his waist for a quick hug. “Please take Sehun’s autograph for me?” you said cutely.

“You know I’m probably going to be too scared to do so…” he sighed disappointed with his own cowardness. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing at his cute face expression. 

-

“Jaehyun-ah?” your head leaned over the wall and you caught Jaehyun’s happy eyes on yours. “Hey, superstar.” you chuckled and walked closer to him. 

“Hi, fool. I’m not a superstar.” he hugged you quickly. 

“You’re all busy with schedules and I saw a couple of episodes of that EXO program… where’s my autograph?” Jaehyun laughed loudly and finally payed all of his attention to you. The living room of boys dorm was as lively as ever and you suddenly thought you two should go to yours, now almost empty, dorm. 

“We haven’t hung out probably in forever.” you propped your body next to his on the couch. “How are you doing?” 

“Glad to finally have time to rest.”

“Oh, I told you, you’re a superstar.” you looked around, watching guys doing something in the kitchen. Yuta was there too but you caught yourself thinking you didn’t care about him and turned back. 

“He’s like the most liked person on set.” Johnny chimed in and you had to look away to not burst out laughing at his face expression. 

“Anyway…” Jaehyun sighed loudly and Johnny moved his body away, giving you private space with Jaehyun, which you couldn’t thank him enough for. You crawled into the corner of the couch and Jaehyun moved next to you, looking you up. “What you’ve been up to? Lots of practice?”

“Yeah.” you nodded vigorously “This… and something else…” you bit onto your lip excitedly to not smile too brightly.

“What? You’re going to debut?” his hand laid atop of his mouth in shock. 

“No, better.” you chuckled. 

“Better than debuting is what…?”

“I’ve…” you sighed and moved your mouth closer to Jaehyun’s ear. “I’ve met someone and I think he likes me.”

“What?” Jaehyun’s eyes turned into big circles, making his mouth ‘o’ shaped. “Is it someone from the company?” he asked loudly and then lowered his head quickly to not attract attention. 

“No, it’s not. It’s someone I met at the mart next to the dorm. I dropped a bill and he gave it back to me. Funny thing I didn’t notice dropping anything, but yeah. He said he’d like to talk to me more and gave me his phone number and he’s been texting me nonstop. He says he wants to take me out soon and I’m nervous…” 

“Wait…” Jaehyun sighed and shook his head quickly. “You’re dating him?”

“No, dummy. Im telling you, he talked to me at the mart next to the dorm and asked for my phone number, I gave it to him and he texted me non stop.”

“Do you think he recognised you?” 

“Am I a TV star? How could he recognise me? There’s nothing to recognise.” you chuckled at his assumption. 

“I don’t know… how old is he?” 

“I have no clue… I think our age. He looks young… cute too…” you tried to contain your embarrassed smile at the remark you made. 

“Are you like already in love with him or something?” Jaehyun looked at you suspiciously and shook his head, moving his attention onto something else while you were coming up with an answer. 

“I’m not that easily convinced, Jaehyun. I have seen him only once, it takes more than that I guess to be in love.” 

“Okay.” he nodded and went quiet. The two of you barely spoke about such things and by barely you would probably say never before. You guessed he was uncomfortable talking about all things regarding love and the fact he kept a shroud of mystery over his feelings towards anyone you found it only obvious he let the conversation die. His tongue practically went numb whenever you tried to tease him over girls and you guessed he was more focused on getting his actual job done than you are.  

“I was just thinking… When we met and exchanged phone numbers he wanted to walk me back home because I said I live near…“ Jaehyun raised his eyebrow at you “No, I didn’t lead him to the dorm… I walked into a random building and waited until he left. I feel bad for lying.“

“Oh trust me you’ll feel worse if you’ll disclose you’re an SM Trainee living with another 100 of them in this building.“ 

“Very funny of you, Jaehyun-ah.“ 

“Where are you leading this anyway?“

“I was thinking of telling him I live at your place but it’s dumb now that I faked I live in that house.“

“Just meet him at the park or something. What’s the problem?“

“Ugh, you’re really annoying, aren’t you.“ You sighed and dropped your head dramatically on the backrest of the couch. “I’m just nervous, I was thinking we can blabber about it whatever and I’ll feel better. I never was asked out before…“ you sighed and he mirrored you. “Have you?“ 

“Have I been asked out before?“

“This, or have you asked someone out before?“

“Nah…“ He shook his head shyly his ears turn redder than tomatoes “Not many chances to get a love life while you live in a dorm with 20 other guys.“ You nodded understandingly and bit onto your lip. “Even if you’ll like him… don’t open up everything to him, okay?“

“There’s not much to open up.“ you moved your head back up to look at him “I won’t tell him anything about this, obviously.“ 

“I’m…“ he sighed “Being careful is the key I guess.“

“You’re such a grandpa and a party pooper.“ You rolled your eyes, punching his shoulder lightly. “You could’ve just said something like ‘I’m sure the date’s going to be great and the guy will turn to be a sweetheart! I’m rooting for your love life, bestie!’ 

“I’m rooting for your love life, bestie!“ He tried to copy the tone of your voice and you gave him an eye. 

“By the way, did you meet our new trainee?“

“A new trainee?“ 

“Yeah, she’s living in the room next to mine.“

“You’re still all alone?“

“I am!“ You chuckled and thought about their 4 person bedrooms “Imagine you were allowed to move into my room.“

“I totally can’t imagine my life without living with three other guys now, I’m sorry.“ You shook your head at him amused.

“Hey love birds, want to watch a movie?“ Johnny moved closer to you two once again.

“Hey, she’s got a boyfriend now.“ 

“You what?“ Johnny raised his eyebrows.  

“Shut up! I don’t!“ You whined at Jaehyun loudly, raising visibly volume of the conversation. The boys tried to keep the teasing between you three but now your whine attracted attention of the boys in the kitchen. 

“You don’t what?“ Donghyuck walked in closer, curious. 

“Want to watch a movie?“ You craned your neck at him, smiling. 

“Okay.“ He agreed unbelievably quickly. “Hey, who wants to watch a movie?“ he attracted more people and now more people sat themselves on the couch. Jaehyun suggested you’ll invite girls from your dorm and a couple of them came too, making the living room packed. 

When the movie was over you waved everyone goodbye quickly, and ran out of the dorm. Looking for privacy you ran one flight of stairs down, not expecting anyone to walk downstairs, since all girls lived three floors above. Your eyes ran over the screen of your phone, looking for new messages of your ‘boyfriend’. You could hear girls walk up the stairs quietly, not saying a single word. You sank into the message he sent, trying to come up with a better answer to the question he asked.

“Hey.“ you almost flue up the stairs when you heard a voice next to you. 

“Hi.“ You raised your head and gulped, hiding your phone into your pocket.

“I heard your conversation with Jaehyun.” Yuta stood one stair lower and you couldn’t work out why didn’t he sat down.

“And?” you rolled your eyes at him and tried to stand up. 

“You should stop texting that guy.” you fell back down facing him shocked. You haven’t given much thought which conversation Yuta could’ve overheard but now it kinda made sense. 

“And… why?“ You couldn’t understand where the sassiness in your voice came from, but either way it was already there.

“Do you know him?“

“Hm, is it written down somewhere that you have to know someone before dating them?“ 

“You’re already going that much forward?“

“Yuta, just go. No one needs your advice.“ his eyes dropped onto your pocket and your head laid atop of your pocket as if he was about to steal your phone.

“Is that him?“

“None of your business.“

“Hey.“ he looked away for a second and his face expression changed when he looked back at you, sitting down on the same stair. “I’m not here to make a scene. I care for you and want only the best… I’m serious, Y/n.“ 

“Why?“

“Just because.“

“Okay.“ You snorted at his lame answer. 

“Whats his name?“

“Jay.“

“And how old is Jay?“

“Our age.“

“Our age is how old?“

“I don’t know. I never asked…“ 

“Does he know how old you are?“

“Yes, he asked me before.“

“I know you’re going to be annoyed by me saying this… but I think you shouldn’t talk to him.“

“Huh? Why is that?“

“I think he’s going to scam you.“ 

“You have no right to say that!“ 

“A random guy you meet next to the dorm, he doesn’t tell you anything about himself but asks everything about you. I’m sure he’s a scammer, I’m sure he saw you on the internet. You can’t just risk everything dumbly like that.“

“How do you know he doesn’t tell me things about himself?“

“You just proved that.“he shrugged “You’re not going anywhere with him, that’s for sure. I’m not going to be surprised if he’ll try to fuck you and then somehow mess with your career.“

“Your imagination is insane, you’re insane.“

“Give me your phone, I’ll prove it.“

“No.“

“Come on, if I’m wrong I’ll do anything you’ll want me to.“ 

“Fine, but if you’re wrong, you’re not going to get out of it easily.“

“Okay.“ You fished out your phone and put it in Yuta’s hand. He immediately began typing, not even scrolling through the conversation. He sent the message and three dotes signalling that Jay typed back showed immediately. ‘Want to go to a hotel?’ he replied to Yuta’s whiny message that he wanted to meet. “See?“ Yuta’s fingers quickly typed a ‘you want to do what TTTT’ you would’ve laughed at the way he wrote if it wasn’t for the situation “Don’t tell me you think he wants to read books?“ ‘we could get a drink and then we’ll see what I could do with you.’ You swallowed a gasp and looked at Yuta who paid you no attention, submersed into the conversation. ‘Is it weird I’m getting turned on_? kekeke’ getting a reply of ‘oh don’t worry honey I’m getting a hard on from a single thought.’ Yuta locked your phone, putting it to the side. 

“So huh?“ Yuta chuckled “Tell me he wasn’t here for fucking.“

“You literally suggested it.“ you couldn’t fight it in you to not fight back even though you could see now he was right. 

“I said I wanted to see him, not suggested going to a hotel, drinking and doing shit. Why can’t you just say ‘thank you, Yuta’?“

“You’re wrong.“

“I can’t fucking believe you almost went out with a guy who’s initial plan was to fuck.“

“Stop swearing at me.“ 

“Is that all that bothers you? I literally saved you right now.“

“Are you trying to feel better about yourself or what?“

“Sort of yeah, I kind of prevented a guy from stealing your virginity against your will.“ You chocked and wanted to fight him, ask him why the hell he decided he knew everything about your body, but then you came up with a better comeback. 

“Not the first time someone tried to steal something from me.“

“What do you mean? Someone tried to hit on you?“

“Well he was successful with stealing it.“

“What…?“ Yuta seemed to be visibly taken aback and you would just love to take a picture of his face expression. 

“It’s you! You stole my first kiss!” You bursted loudly regretting being this loud on the stairs. 

“I asked you beforehand!” He fought back suddenly, visibly feeling at ease.

“It doesn’t matter, you kissed me and ran away.”

“Did that guy steal your second…?” he asked much calmer taking a moment to reply. 

“Im not telling you.”

“Did he or not?” Yuta sounded more persistent and you just looked away, shaking your head a slight no, knowing that he’ll notice. “You’re sure you still don’t have any feelings towards Jaehyun?” 

“What is up with your questions?” you turned your head back at him with raised eyebrows in one swift motion. Your voice sounded too high pitched for your own liking, seemingly amusing Yuta. He rested his palm against your cheek and your eyes fluttered before you came to your senses. “Move. Your hand. Away.” you put all of your strength to make words leave your mouth steadily. 

“I don’t want to.” you couldn’t work out if he smiled to make you mad or if he did it unconsciously. 

“What do you want, Yuta?” 

“Now that you brought up our kiss I just want another one.”

“Go kiss someone who’s not a child.”

“Whine some more.” he murmured and leaned in, running his thumb over your throat. 

“Yuta, I’m serious.” you pushed onto his shoulder. 

“Do you need to talk this out?” he sighed and moved back, making you lose any contact. “Let’s talk, I agree.”

“I…I feel like you’re going to do all of it once again.” 

“Do what?”

“Make me believe you and feel things for you and then just say that I’m a child.” 

“You’re not a child, I was dumb. On top of that you’re not 15 anymore.” 

“16 is not much of a bigger number.”

“It’s not, but I found out that the age of consent in Korea is 13, which technically means I’m not doing anything bad if I’m just kissing a 16 year old girl I’m going crazy for.” you couldn’t take his sudden confession, turning away quickly to hide away your beaming smile. “I wish we could have a date.” his chin laid on your shoulder and you shivered every time you could feel his breathing on your skin. 

“What took you so long?” you aimed to look him in the eyes but his sudden proximity made you just look forward to not get your faces too close. 

“Is it a question to fight or to tell me you needed me?” he moved away a little giving you space. 

“Both.” you turned your head to face him, taking not more than a second for Yuta to lay his lips atop of yours. Your cheeks flushed in an instance and the way his tongue slid against your teeth asking for permission to enter your mouth made you wrap your arms around his neck tightly. Yuta leaned onto the stairs behind him with his elbows, allowing for your chest to lay atop of his. Slight panic attack ran across your chest at the idea of him wanting for you to straddle his legs and you pulled back, suddenly realising that the kiss felt way too heated for what you intended. 

“What’s wrong?” his hand found your face, caressing your cheek carefully. “Your lips taste so fucking good.” his eyes took a long glance at your lips, looking back at your eyes with a smirk. “Pink and mine.” It seemed like he said it more to himself and you just overheard him on accident. 

“Yuta.” you pushed back and sat up, leaving him half laying onn the stairs. 

“Yes?” 

“I don’t like it.” 

“You don’t like what? Me?” his fingers gently ran down the back of your upper arm. 

“No, that it’s going so suddenly and so quickly. I don’t want to sit on your lap, I don’t want you to call me yours. What are we even? Nothing. Don’t push it.” he kept quiet, running his fingers up the skin of your arm and down. “And don’t touch me like that too!” you blew up suddenly  and chewed onto your lip, holding back tears with your very last breathe. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” 

“This is wrong, I just know it.”

“I know everything gives you stress, I’m stressed too, but this… I’m here to release it. I want to love you because I know I can make you happy and you can make me happy too.”

“I’m not going to be able to give you what you want.” 

“And what is it you think I want?” he chuckled and sat on your level. “I’m genuinely curious.”

“Sex?” 

“And besides that?” Yuta noticed your teary eyes, rubbing the back of his palm against your cheek. 

“More sexual interactions…?” 

“Anything else?”

“I don’t know.” you said confused not knowing what exactly he wanted to hear from you. 

“Why is that bothering you so much? I’m not asking for sex right now, and not planning on asking you for sex any time soon either.” he took a pause to lick his lips and it struck you suddenly how actually attractive he was. “Eventually, you’ll be the one begging for release and I’ll remind of your words angel, trust me.” 

“I’ll just say it. I heard you talking with Johnny about that girl you sleep with, I heard a lot and I know I’m not that.”  

“I don’t sleep with her, I slept with her. And there’s no way I want you to be like her, i was�� not even thinking of sex with you but you’re hammering the thought into my brain right now.” 

“So you never thought of it? Because I’m not attracting you in that way?” 

“Oh God, Y/n, stop.” Yuta rolled his eyes in annoyance and pulled your chin to him with just two fingers, brushing his lips slowly against yours. 

“Yuta, I’m serious, didn’t you say you agree we should talk.” you tried to push him away once again, but Yuta got glued to your body. 

“Mmh.” he mumbled in reply, moving his lips onto your jaw. “I’ll agree with anything you say.” his tongue licked your neck and he raised his head suddenly. “Does the corridor seem too warm for you?” you chuckled at his sudden  remembrance of what you told him that night. “Do you feel warm down your stomach?” he murmured and placed his lips on yours again. 

“I’m not telling you.” you whispered out of breathe when he finally moved back. 

“I know exactly what you’re feeling.” 

“How come?” 

“I can sense it in the air.” a throaty chuckle escaped his mouth and you shivered. “Your sexual frustration is going to get the very best of you too soon baby, trust me.” his lips pecked yours and he jumped up unexpectedly. “Let’s go, I’m sure you need a break before you flood the building.”

“Yuta!” you punched his shoulder blade while his hand tugged you behind him. 

“Oh, by the way. We should keep this to ourselves.”

“Okay.” you nodded understandingly. 

“Not even Jaehyun.”

“But why? He would understand.” you whined a little. You were planning to run to Jaehyun right after. 

“If you’re telling him, you’re breaking my trust, you get me?” you nodded quickly and Yuta pecked your lips satisfied. 

[lifeofkaze]

Out of all the wips you have planned, which one will take the most out of you and why? Also in reversr, which one do you think will be an absolute blast to write without too much hassle?

I'd like to say I spent a lot of time thinking about this, but actually, these answers come very easily to me.

The HARDEST WIP on my list is - without even a shred of a doubt - Ava's story, Larger Than Life. I can't say too much what it is about because it'd take the biggest spoiler away, which I've been keeping secret like a maniac for well over a year now, but LtL will force me to engage with topics that I refuse to even think about in my day to day life, and that I take very great care not to let too close to my heart. It's a story about trauma, dealing with your own demons and finding the spot where you have to decide to turn back to the light or continue into the darkness of your own mind to the point of no return. This is all very daunting and, frankly, scary for me, which is why I keep pushing this story away and away and away even though it is fully mapped out and practically ready to be written.

If I can deliver Larger than Life like I see it in my head, this might be the epitome (and, possibly, the end) of my career as a proper, multichapter fanfic-writer.

Honourary mentions go to the third part of the Balance Series - A Source of Balance - because I think out of all my WIPs, this is the most intricate story and most complicated one to get the intertwining timelines of three main characters and two different eras right. Also, traumatising Lizzie just is no fun, for neither party involved, and she is up for a lot. Oops.

As for the EASIEST WIP waiting for me, I have two alternatives that I think will be a breeze to write compared with the rest - and that is 1) A Bright Future (working title). This is my HPMA series following my three next-gen kids through their time at school (kudos to @the-al-chemist with her Symphony series that gave me the idea for that structure and concept) because Dana, Dylan and Reva don't have any angst that goes beyond normal teenage drama, which is a nice refresher and brings me back to AoB days. 2) is a very cute and short (only 3 chapters, *honestly*) Rockstar mini-series called California Dreamin'. It's all fun and fluff and a bit of spice - because ofc - and the cast is really only Lizzie, Orion and Lizzie's brother Jake, a combination I honestly always enjoy.

[mitsukui]

put your lips like this | f.w.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x reader.

Summary: there is a secret buried inside your heart that is keeping you from going to the Yule Ball. However, Fred decides to be the greatest of friends and  teach you one thing or two.

Word Count: 2.1k - oops...

Warnings: none! Just a whole lot of fluff! ✨ Oh, there is a curse word towards the ending.

Disclaimer: none of the pictures used in the edit below belong to me; I simply put them together.

A/N: HAPPY HOLIDAYS, BABIES! *aggressively listens to ‘My Boo’, by Usher and Alicia Keys*. Not to be dramatic, but James Phelps with long hair could punch me right in the face, and I would thank him. Please, leave me some feedback if you feel like it! My askbox is open for your opinions, thoughts and requests. Thank you so much for your time and attention!  ♡

Masterlist!

“You know I’m good at keeping secrets, so just tell me already! C’mon, tell me why you don’t want to go to the Yule Ball.”

A heavy and utterly annoyed sigh left your lips. Fred Weasley – that prick! – had been tormenting you the entire day. You knew he was a curious soul, but you had never imagined he would try so hard to make you spill one of your secrets out.

It was not something you fancied sharing; actually, it was something that made you feel rather pathetic and embarrassed. How could you tell your friend, whom you had unexpectedly developed feelings for, that you had never been kissed?

Curiosity and anticipation were emanating from his figure as he whispered soft ‘tell me’s, and moved anxiously on his chair. You fidgeted with the quill in your hand before you sighed once more. It did not seem like he was going to give up on solving that mystery any time soon. “Alright, fine. I will tell you. But only if you promise you will act as if nothing had ever happened.”

“Pinky promise!” He immediately dropped his own quill and extended his right hand towards you, his little finger waiting up to be intertwined with yours. Your eyes studied his hand, and you did not fail to notice how big and veiny they were.

Oh, Godric, the voice that took form of your consciousness echoed in your head, this boy is going to be the death of me.

Reluctantly, you closed your textbook and put your quill down on the wooden table, these two actions being followed by the connection between your fingers. His tongue poked the inside of his cheek, the similarity to a little boy that he carried in his behavior causing you to chuckle. However, your good spirits soon vanished away when you came to the realization you now had to tell him the truth. You had never been good at lying, for all it mattered.

He beamed widely at you, and he had his ears ready to capture all the words that were about to slip from your lips. But nothing was coming out of them, and a slight impatience resulted in his eyebrows being furrowed together. Fred went back to whispering words to hurry you into opening up, and the situation just overwhelmed your inexperienced heart.

It was all too much: you could not bear with the fact that he was staring so intensely at you, nor with the fact that you were about to tell him you saw yourself as a ridiculously stupid teenager who had never felt a pair of lips brushing against their own.

“I don’t really know how to do the whole…kissing thing. And I refuse to go to the Yule Ball because of it, given that chances of being kissed by your date are high.”

Your confession came out as a train losing its track – fast, unruly and through gritted teeth. Although you were deeply ashamed of that part of you, his face expressed the total opposite of any of your feelings.

His eyebrows were still furrowed together, but now scoff dripped from his words. “Yeah, right. And George is more handsome than me.”

You could swear your heart skipped a beat at that moment. Blinking in the rawest surprise your body could internally gather, you stared at him and waited for him to say anything else. You were lost for words. How could he not believe you?

“I mean, you’re incredibly beautiful. And I know you have a few people interested in you.” When you raised an eyebrow at his latter words, he was quick to snap back at you. “I’ve noticed how that Ravenclaw boy looks at you.”

Even though there was an inconspicuous blush tainting your face due to his compliments, you waved his words off and laughed shyly. He probably was just acting nice towards you. That was a huge characteristic of the Weasley family – being raised by an amazing woman like Molly herself made such a thing come out naturally.

You remained quiet for a few moments, your heart beating fast in your chest and your eyes staring out the library windows. You still had a hard time believing you had just confessed your deepest secret to your love interest, but it was of no use crying over spilt milk. If he were one to keep his promises, one of your rare studying sessions with Fred Weasley would soon return to normal.

But what if he started pitying you for it? Or what if he stopped talking to you, once he concluded your universes did not collide? He surely was vastly experienced when it came down to kissing. Kissing Fred Weasley would probably be the biggest honor of your life.

Unconsciously, your eyes left the windows and roamed the surroundings until they reached his lips. It was almost as if the whole world had stopped.

Fred had thin lips, but they seemed to be astonishingly soft for someone who caused as much trouble as he did. His upper lip was subtly curved, and you were mesmerized by every single little detail you could visually grasp. That moment would haunt your thoughts for a long time, once it was pure cruelty how you had fallen out of love – the one you loved did not love you back.

But you were terribly wrong about that. Fred had been experiencing some shifts on his feelings towards you lately. He had watched you blossom into a charming young girl, and there was something about you hitting hard on his heart. And, frankly speaking, after he caught you looking at his lips, he would be in heaven if he ever got the chance to kiss you.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” He helped you gather all of your belongings with a gentle smile hanging on his lips and, once more, you swore your heart was melting away over everything he did.

As you walked out of the library together, dipped in a somewhat agonizing silence, you felt his fingers brushing against yours, which caused you to instantly look at him. “Can I hold your hand while we walk?”

Holy moly, what did he just say? Your consciousness was again alarmed at the scenario taking place right in front of your eyes. Okay. Keep calm. Don’t freak out.

“Y-Yeah, I guess.”

He did not waste any time on ending the ridiculously small distance between your hands. However, he did not simply hold your hand in his; he intertwined your fingers together, and gave your hand a light squeeze. His eyes fell upon you, and his gorgeous smile grew wider. You could not help but smile along.

You continued on walking together in silence, the only tangible thing between you and Fred being the tiny circles his thumb drew on your skin. If it were possible to describe your feelings, one would choose the talk about fireworks, or waves violently crashing on rocks on a breathtaking beach.

He unquestionably would be the death of you.

He tugged on your hand once you stopped in a deserted hallway. There was something astounding about the fact that he was able to find a calm and quiet place on Hogwarts, but he had always been like a box full of surprises to you. And he was also really good at knowing all the best places in the castle.

You smiled at him, the riddle he was presenting filling your chest with amusement. “What are we doing here?” All of the terrors you felt earlier returned to you, and you felt like withdrawing. “Wait. We are not here so you can lecture me on kissing, right?! Because, if we are, I would very much like to lea-“

Fred abruptly shushed you, stepping closer to your body and gently pushing your back against a wall. His eyes darted up and down your face, and he grinned cunningly down at you. He was so much taller than you, and the sight of him towering over you was quite intimidating.

“I’m gonna be your kissing instructor.”

Bitch, said what?! Your eyes widened in shock, his fingers reached out to place a lock of hair behind your ear, and your biggest wish was to evaporate. With your head shaking vigorously, and your lips being pressed together in a disappearing line, you exclaimed you would never accept that.

You could never allow physical intimacy to destroy your friendship with Fred Weasley. It was better to have him as a friend than not having him at all.

He found your actions to be absolutely adorable, the desire to consume your innocence growing bigger and bigger each second. “I’m only trying to help you out, y’know. If that Ravenclaw boy is not willing to claim these luscious lips, I sure am.”

Your cheeks erupted in a dark red shade, and you looked away from him, unable to take it for any longer. He was now evidently playing with your feelings, and you did not know how to deal with his attitude.

You were torn apart between accepting his kiss and pushing him away. It could go two ways: you would either kiss him and dismiss all of your feelings and expectations, or you would fall even harder for him. You were not exactly leaning towards neither option.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now.” He murmured his confession as he briefly dodged his eyes from your face as well. It was unusual to see the great Fred Weasley embarrassed but, apparently, it was happening right in your face. “So, please, let me be your first kiss. I promise I’ll be gentle.”

Your gaze moved back to him and he also had a light pink flush on his cheeks. He looked painfully handsome at that moment, with his freckles splattered all over his skin, and his lips trembling slightly. Your eyes met, and both of you smiled timidly. You were swooning.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” He repeated your monosyllabic answer and nodded a bit, mostly to himself, assuring he would finally feel his lips on his. “I’m gonna put my hands on your hips now.”

And he did. Both of his hands ghosted over your body until they reached your hips. He pulled you a little bit closer to his chest, and his scent tickled your nose. You felt like electrical waves were rushing through your entire body, and you wondered how you had managed not to faint.

“Look, do what I’m doing.” Fred parted his lips slightly and tilted his head to his left side a bit, his eyelashes fluttering until he finally closed his eyes. He looked heavenly, but you could never admit that and put yourself into an even more vulnerable position.

An almost inaudible snicker rang in his ears, and he soon opened his eyes and looked at you. You confessed he looked quite silly like that, but he ignored your comment and ordered you to mimic him again. His voice was low and his warm breath hit your face gently. You finally obeyed, feeling all jittery and anxious.

You looked captivating in his eyes, and he was ready to show you how amazing a tad of intimacy could be.

He leaned down, bringing your lips together in an extremely slow brush against each other. “Put your lips like this.” And, a second time, you did as he told you to, copying all of his actions.

It did not take long for him to finally involve your uneasy lips with his own. He started out by giving small pecks onto your skin, but his hunger got too big and he demanded more.

Your small silhouette was pressed even harder to his body, and he touched your lower lip with his tongue, asking for permission to feel more of you. Your attempts to continue moving according to him went on, and you thought it was a good sign he had not stopped you yet.

Once the velvet-feeling of his tongue came in touch with yours, he groaned against your lips, which caused you to use both of your hands to hold onto his robes tightly.

The kiss went on for a few more moments until you and Fred were breathless, and you had to break away to learn how to cope with oxygen again.

It was difficult to find words to talk about whatever had just happened, but you mumbled a shy ‘thank you’, which he replied to with ‘don’t mention it’.

Kissing was not as horrible as you thought it would be. 

And, after all, maybe going to the Yule Ball could be quite nice if you had enough luck to get Fred Weasley to be your date and kiss you again.

[ptergwen]

4 times peter loved you and 1 time he said it

warnings: angst, swearing, and flash being a dickwad (love him tho)

a/n: i wasn’t sure if i would ever finish this bc i started in march? and gave up but i really like the concept so i made myself get back into it and AHH i’m really happy with how it turned out! fingers crossed y’all like too ahaha. also this is unrelated but send me requests!

-

to say you and peter were each other’s missing halves would be an absolute understatement. there wasn’t a secret you didn’t share, an inside joke you didn’t have, a text or call left unanswered, or a second you weren’t on the other’s mind.

it had been like that since your first day of freshman year. you took the seat next to peter in first period spanish, and the rest was history.

peter knew you better than you knew yourself. as cheesy as it sounded, it was true. he could guess what you were going to order at a restaurant before you picked up the menu. if you had a bad day, he’d come over to your place with tissues and hugs, without you having to ask. he knew all the little things.

you? you were a peter parker encyclopedia. you watched all his favorite movies so he could rant to you about them, and you’d actually understand what he was saying. whenever he felt overwhelmed by his chaotic life, you found a way to calm him.

you two were soulmates in best friend form.

best friends, nothing more.

♡ 1.

you had an arm around peter’s neck as you picked at some fruit on his lunch tray. his head was resting comfortably against your cheek, whole body leaning on you. impromtu cuddle sessions weren’t unusual for the two of you. they worked in both of your favors. peter was your own personal heater, and you were just really comfortable to nap on, in his opinion.

“are you gonna eat all my grapes? i was looking forward to those,” peter whined, taking one out of your hand. “are you gonna keep using me as a pillow?” you challenged. he responded by moving his head to your shoulder and chewing. “then, yes. i am gonna eat all your grapes.”

“you know what two people who share food are?” ned chimed in from across the cafeteria table. already knowing what he was implying, you sighed. “what, ned?” he cupped his hand over his mouth like he was about to spill the world’s biggest secret. “a couple.”

it wouldn’t be a regular day without ned trying to play matchmaker for you and peter. the idea made peter scoff. “leave us alone, man. that doesn’t even make sense.” “yes it does!” ned nudged mj for backup. she only raised her hands in defense. it was always a hard pass from her on getting involved in these types of things, unless she found a reason to.

“really? how?” you grabbed peter’s milk and took a sip just for the hell of it. he chuckled at that, forgetting he was supposed to be annoyed with you. a bit of milk dripped down your chin in the process. “oops,” you grimaced at yourself and licked it away.

something about the whole thing made peter’s heart clench. it was so... you were so... cute. cute was definitely the word he was looking for. wait, what? that was new. peter had always thought you were pretty and all, but he’d never found himself endeared like this over such a little thing you did. or had he? no. nope. it was ned’s stupid theory messing with him. that was all.

“y/n, dude, everyone knows it’s a thing. like, why else would someone give up their whole lunch? it’s flirting,” ned interrupted peter’s sudden thoughts about your cuteness. the smug look on his face made you want to throw the tray at him.

before you even joined their friend group, ned was on a mission to set the two of you up. peter described you to him and mj as “the actual sweetest girl ever. she makes me laugh a lot. you guys gotta meet her.” mj obviously ‘tsked’ at him, but a light bulb went off in ned’s head. peter was crushing. he just didn’t know it yet.

part of how you and peter got so close was that ned and mj used to back out of group plans. you’d end up hanging out alone most of the time. of course, it was ned’s idea. a successful idea, yes, but neither of you understood the obsession. apparently it was a guy in the chair’s duty to be a good wingman, and you should leave it to him. whatever that meant.

“if i remember correctly, you and your mom went halfsies on a piece of cake at your birthday party last year. what are you trying to tell us, leeds?” mj asked with a smirk. you and peter looked at each other and burst into laughter, ned’s mouth hanging open. the girl could really get someone when she wanted to.

“shut up, you guys! that’s different!” “so is y/n stealing my food and you calling it sharing,” peter made a point of saying more to you than ned. despite his words, he pushed the tray over to you. it was basically yours, anyway.

you thanked him with a pat on his cheek and popped more grapes into your mouth. in that moment, peter decided he’d get you all the grapes in the world if he could. jeez, he seriously needed to reel it in.

ned was only going to keep going now. “see that? peter’s such a sweet boyfriend. isn’t he, y/n?” he cooed and clasped his hands under his chin. you didn’t have the chance to change the topic before flash appeared at your table. he’d probably overheard your conversation. “penis parker is somebody’s boyfriend? good one.”

feeling peter tense up next to you, you put a hand on his shoulder to let him know you were there. you’d been in too many of these situations. the way flash talked to peter pissed you off in ways you didn’t think were possible. he was fine with everybody else, so why did he choose to pick on him? peter was the least deserving person of having to put up with it from anyone.

“just ignore him, okay? he’ll get bored and leave. works every time,” you reminded peter. too uneasy to say anything, he reached back and put his hand on top of yours. he tried to focus on how nice your touch felt instead of the fact that he was about to be humiliated by flash yet again.

“peter could totally get a girlfriend! he has, like, tons of girls after him,” ned attempted to back peter up, pleased with himself. groaning, peter put his head down on the table. he couldn’t bare to watch his friend destroy what was left of his social life. “you’re really pushing this now. stop talking,” mj warned in a whisper yell to ned. that didn’t stop flash from hearing her.

“she’s right. even parker agrees! look at him,” he snickered at peter’s embarrassed state. you’d had more than enough of him at that point. screw the silence. it wasn’t going to cut it for this one. while wingman ned was still making up stories, you tapped peter’s shoulder to find out how he was doing. his head remained down.

“you okay? want me to say something?” “i’m used to it, and no. i don’t wanna make you deal with him.” peter hated putting his issues on other people, but you couldn’t stand another second of listening to the things flash was saying. you cut into an argument between him and ned about peter’s body count. like his was any higher.

“fuck off, flash!” he stopped in the middle of his sentence. “huh?” “i said fuck off. anyone would be so lucky to date peter. you’re probably salty at him all the time because it’ll never be you,” you finally snapped. his tough guy persona faltered for a few seconds at your words, ned and mj taking the opportunity to high five you for telling him off.

peter was glad his head was still down because his cheeks were pinker than he’d like to admit. did you really mean that? would you be lucky to date him, too?

“what are you, president of the parker protection squad? or are you two a thing?” flash quickly recovered. there he went trying to get the last word in. the embarrassment for peter if you denied it was exactly what he wanted, but you weren’t letting him have it.

“ask me again some other time.” you plastered on a shit-eating grin and waved goodbye. unsatisfied with your answer, flash huffed his way back to his own table. after he was gone, peter looked up at you with something you’d never seen before twinkling in his eyes.

“thank you, y/n. you really didn’t have to say all of that.” “oh, no. don’t thank me. i‘d do it for you anytime. i am president of the parker protection squad, after all.” your fake smile turned into a genuine one for him. peter couldn’t help but mirror it.

his was heart doing that thing again. he guessed it was because he loved you so much, but this love felt different somehow. it wasn’t the friend kind of love he’d had for you all those years.

it was the kind of love he saw in the rom coms you made him watch when you got to pick for movie night. cupid’s love was the official name for it. when he put two and two together, the realization smacked him straight in the face. ned was right.

peter was starting to fall in love with you, and there was no way he could stop.

♡ 2.

peter was a workaholic. patrolaholic to be exact, especially when he had a reason. he’d sometimes find himself in a cycle of getting home late and going out early for days on end. he’d gotten used to the sleep deprivation. his grumbling stomach from missing meals wasn’t too big of a deal either. not when he had a city to save.

it was also a good distraction from everything else going on in his life. man, did he need a distraction. after peter came to terms with the fact that he loved loved his best friend, he narrowed it down to two options; telling you about his feelings or taking them to his grave. since the city was so busy, he was thankful he could throw himself into patrolling and not decide just yet.

may would usually only allow peter to patrol on weekends. school existed, and he had to take breaks. peter really wanted to help out more, so he proposed an idea that could potentially let him up it to the full seven days. he had to make it home in one piece every night for a trial week. that would prove to may he could handle it.

ignoring his black eye on tuesday and limp on thursday, it worked out. peter was positive he could finish off the week just fine. may didn’t have the same optimism. she decided that so much as a scratch on friday and it was strike three. friday came, and peter had impressively managed to end the day, like he thought, just fine.

he did one last swing around the neighborhood he was in, then started heading back to queens to gloat to may. on his way, he remembered he had to text you goodnight. he was bound by a pinky swear to you that he would do it every time he finished patrolling.

peter being spider-man was something you figured out only a few months after he got his powers. he technically exposed himself, and you pieced everything together. it all happened when spider-man offered to walk you home from school one day.

the way he rubbed the back of his neck while asking was a nervous habit that was oddly familiar, and urged you to say yes. you also thought it was strange how even though he didn’t ask for your address, he somehow knew where he was taking you. then again, he was spider-man. it was his job to know new york city and the people living in it.

you came to the conclusion you were making things up until he was about to leave. he walked you to the door of your apartment building and said, “stay safe, squirt.” nobody called you that besides peter. he came up with it because he had recently grown a few inches taller and could finally give you hell for being the short one.

needless to say, peter didn’t take off like he was intending to. he realized his slip up as soon as the nickname came out of his mouth. you brought him upstairs and had a long afternoon of questioning, explanations, and making promises.

peter typed out a message telling you he was fine and to go to sleep. as he was about to hit send, he swung too low and smacked his head right into a traffic light. that was what he got for texting while swinging. he could imagine mj giving him one of her famous safety lectures already, but that wasn’t first on his list of worries. he had a throbbing head and may’s third strike to deal with.

crap, may couldn’t know about this. she’d ban him from patrolling probably forever. going home was out of the question, but peter was in desperate need of an ice pack. there was already a bump forming from where the light hit him. his next choice would be to go to happy, only he couldn’t do that because he‘d tell may.

peter’s hands worked faster than his brain, and he started swinging over to your apartment. the overthinking began soon after. nobody wants to deal with a surprise appearance from their possibly concussed friend at 2 a.m. besides, what would he say? he’d barely seen you all week. it wasn’t fair to you, but it was too late to turn back.

peter landed on the sidewalk with an “oof” and crawled up the wall of your building. when he reached your window, he knocked in the same rhythm that he always did. no answer. he knocked louder. no answer again.

seeing as he had no other option, peter had to let himself in. he pushed on your window to see if it was unlocked. thank god it slid up then, but he made a mental note to remind you about keeping it locked another time. he climbed through the window with as little noise as possible so your family wouldn’t hear.

after navigating in the dark, peter pulled off his mask by the side of your bed. he instantly melted at the sight of you. your face was squished into your pillow, hair sprawled everywhere. you’d must have fallen asleep waiting for his text because you were holding your phone. peter was sure he’d never seen something so adorable.

he let himself stand there and watch the peaceful rise and fall of your chest. the bump on his head was no longer a priority. peter was utterly and completely entranced with you. god, why was he acting like this? oh, right. he was secretly in love with you.

before peter could help himself, he brushed some hair that had fallen into your eyes away with his fingers. you squirmed in your sleep, peter pulling his hand back. he was such an idiot sometimes. your eyes fluttered open and landed on him.

“peter? ‘s that you?” you squinted to see in the darkness of your room. he moved closer. your legs dangled over the bed as you slowly sat up. “yeah, it’s me. sorry to wake you.” he went to scratch his head out of nerves, but stopped when he remembered it really freaking hurt right there.

“‘s okay. i was hoping you’d come over soon. missed you all week.” you frowned at the red and blue clad boy in front of you. except for school, you hadn’t seen peter the past few days. “lots of crime to fight lately?” “missed you more, and yeah. been kicking lots of asses.” the awkwardness peter was imaging faded away when he plopped down next to you on your bed.

“how’s your eye doing? and the limp?” you turned his head towards you by his chin. he exhaled in relief. “getting better, i think. now that we’re talking about injuries...” the sleepiness was knocked out of you. you all but leapt to your feet and turned on the lamp by your bed. peter had a feeling you’d slightly freak.

“we’ve been making small talk and you’re hurt? what happened, peter?” “i-i sort of, um, i was texting you and swung into a traffic light.” “oh my god, where?” he pointed at his forehead with a weak smile. surely enough, there was a big bump. you gasped. “please don’t be mad at me.” “i’m not mad at you. just feel bad it was kinda my fault. do you think you have a concussion?”

you weren’t sure what to do beyond the mostly useless first aid videos they played in gym class. being an avenger, peter had had his share of experience with wounds. whenever he came to you hurt, he talked you through how to help him. the most you’d ever dealt with was a few particularly deep cuts. this was not the same.

“i‘m not sure. you could try that finger thing?” he suggested. you crouched down in front of him. “good idea. let’s do that.” as you waved your index finger back and forth and peter’s eyes followed it seemingly well, his mind was elsewhere. he was thinking about crawling into bed with you and sleeping in your arms.

“well, you passed or whatever they say. i’m pretty sure you don’t have a concussion. you’ll heal fast because of... you know.” you stood up and mimicked the way he shoots his webs. peter chuckled quietly. your thumb ran lightly over his bump, making him wince. “how bad does it feel?” “on a scale from one to ten it’s, like, a five and a half.”

although not what you wanted to hear, it was manageable. you hoped so, at least. “i’m gonna go get some stuff. change into comfortable clothes.” “yes, doctor y/n.” peter saluted you. you were happy to see he still felt up to joking around. biting your lip to hold back a smile, you made your way to the kitchen.

peter searched through the spare clothes he’d left here over the years. there were so many, you had to give him a drawer. he changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt, then sat back down criss cross on your bed.

you came in shortly after with a water bottle, two advil, and an ice pack wrapped in a towel. “i was kidding about the whole doctor thing, you know.” “too bad.” you handed him the advil and water. “take these. they’ll help until your magic healing powers kick in.” peter took the pills while you pressed the ice pack to his bump. he took it from you when he was finished.

“is that any better?” “much better. i’m all good. i should probably go soon.” he mumbled, not meaning it but also not wanting to overstay his welcome. you’d already done so much for him. you stopped him from getting up by putting a hand on his chest.

“what? you already changed, and i’m not sending you home to get killed by may. just stay.” “are you sure? i don’t wanna bother you anymore. it was annoying for me to come here so late in the first place.”

a frown set on your face. “peter, don’t you remember my promise?” there was a beat of silence while he thought about it. “that you’d help out with spidey stuff?” “however and whenever i can. i don’t know what made you think differently just now, but nothing’s gonna change that. doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night or early in the morning. i’m always here.”

only you could reassure him just like that. peter was really lucky to have you. really, really lucky.

“right. you’re right. sorry for... whatever that was.” “you apologize too much.” you poked his chest to punctuate your statement and switched the light off. “sorry for that, too,” he teased, wanting a reaction from you. “peter benjamin parker, just get in the bed.” “yes, ma’am.” that was enough before you changed your mind and threw him out.

you rolled to lay on the other side of peter. still pressing the ice pack to his head, he laid down next to you. it didn’t take long for both of you to be settled under the covers. “try not to bang into the wall or something,” you joked and pulled your comforter up to your chin.

peter puffed some air out of his cheeks, tugging more of it back. “you can’t be mean and hog the blanket.” “it’s my bed, so i actually can. i’ll hog everything.”

to prove your point, you moved over to peter until there was no room between you. both of you knew it was an excuse to cuddle. he wasn’t mad about it at all. peter opened an arm for you. you curled into his side, letting him hold you close. his whole body relaxed as you hugged him against you. “goodnight, spidey.” “night, squirt.”

♡ 3.

“what does that cloud look like to you?” you pointed up at the sky. peter’s eyes darted around as he tried to find exactly which one you were talking about. there were a lot of them, in his defense. you made a big circle with your finger around the cloud in question.

“the really curvy one. right there.” “kinda looks like a tiger. can we keep walking now?” peter tugged your arm linked in his in an attempt to move you from the spot you’d randomly stopped in. he made a whiny noise when you didn’t budge.

“i think it looks more like a horse, and no. why are you in such a rush?” furrowing your brows at him, you tightened your grip on his arm. “because some people don’t like cloud watching, grandma.” “i only asked you about one! i’m just... trying to get the most out of today.”

with college around the corner, you and peter both had a lot to do and a little bit of time to get it done. your only hangouts had become some shared extracurriculars and weekly study group with your other friends. trying to binge watch your shows together on facetime hadn’t been easy, for one thing. you fumbled to keep your phone up more than you payed attention.

on a more serious note, being apart sucked majorly. it was going to be this times a million when you would inevitably have to split up in a few months. thinking about it for too long usually made you cry.

peter was struggling in other ways. his more than a friend feelings for you were only getting stronger. having all that love and not being able to give it to you was hurting like hell, and he had to just pack everything up and act normal during the rare moments you were together. you were both going through it.

this was the first sunday in what felt like forever that you and peter were both free. you decided that the nice weather called for a meetup at central park. so, there you were, arm in arm on your afternoon stroll.

“don’t say it like that, y/n. you’re making me sad.” peter let out a breath as you rested your head on his shoulder. “that was the point.” you started walking again, peter following next to you. he kicked at pebbles while you smiled up at him. that made him smile at his feet. you were getting really good at making him flustered.

“so, did you finish that pre calc packet?” peter asked to distract himself. you lifted your head off his shoulder with a groan. “peter, we’re not talking about school for once. let’s talk about literally anything else.” “like what?” you were about to make a suggestion, but something caught your attention.

you raced over to a swingset, dragging peter along with you before he could realize where you were taking him. you stopped in front of it and threw your hands up to present it to him. he let out a breathy laugh. “when was the last time you went on one of these?” you asked, taking peter’s arm again. peter shook his head. “way too long ago.”

with a smile, you walked him over and took a seat on one of the swings. peter sat on the one next to you. you spun around in a circle to see how much you could twist the chains, peter laughing. “y/n, what are you doing?” “having fun. you should try it sometime.” he backed up to get himself started and grabbed his own chains. “i do have fun. it’s just not in the ways you think.”

you untwisted yourself to watch peter. “so, how?” “well,” he started going higher, “i like learning about stuff, even the things we have to in school.” “everybody knows that. that’s the first thing i thought of.” you did know everything possible about him.

everything except his new feelings for you, but this wasn’t the time for him to blurt that out. he was still figuring out when or if he should.

“guess i’m not gonna say i like movies, either.” “singing?” you were swinging next to him, turning it into an unspoken competiton for who could get the highest. peter slowed down a bit since he’d had a head start. “i suck. the only person who’s allowed to hear me is you.”

“it’s possible to suck at something and still enjoy it.” the breeze blew your hair around, peter seeing it from the corner of his eye. he’d always loved how carefree you were around him. it rubbed off.

“remind me to force you to do karaoke one day.” “you’re so annoying.” that motivated you to kick off harder on the ground. peter huffed and tried to catch up to you. “don’t be mean to your only source of fun.” if that wasn’t true, he would’ve came up with a comeback.

the only time peter remembered to relax was when he was with you. it was usually because you reminded him. he skidded to a stop on the swing and looked up at you.

“why’d you let me win? was that too mean?” you looked over your shoulder. “nah, i just got tired.” “oh. we can do something else now. catch me?” “sure,” peter chuckled and got off the swing. he stood in front of you on the grass and waited for you to get lower. you clenched your teeth into a nervous smile.

“ready?” “ready.” swinging towards him, you jumped off and expected to land in his arms. you ended up completely on top of him instead.

the wind was knocked out of both of you, but peter had it worse because he broke your fall. your hands were on his shoulders and one of his was around your lower back. neither of you realized the position you were in. you were too busy trying to breathe again.

“god, that hurt.” “my bad,” peter mumbled. in any other circumstance, he wouldn’t be complaining about this. “i should’ve warned you or something,” you dismissed him.

you were still hovering over peter, your lips dangerously close to his. he could’ve sworn they almost touched. that was when you got off of him. he only forced out a laugh. nothing ever went his way. you offered him a hand, oblivious to his inner conflict. peter took it and pulled himself up, falling into step next to you as you headed to another path.

that could’ve been a chance to make some sort of move, and he blew it.

♡ 4.

it hadn’t been easy for peter to move on from that day. his mind kept replaying the split second you almost kissed on an endless loop, and all he could do was come up with what he should’ve done in the moment.

things were getting to a point where he had no clue how to act around you. being your friend was hard, but becoming your boyfriend would be that much harder. his stupid feelings put him in an awkward place, and he was afraid you were starting to realize. he couldn’t lose you altogether.

you asked peter to meet you for coffee after school. it was this small place in between your apartments you’d both been to once before. they had really good cookies and an overall cozy feeling you liked. peter wasn’t sure what this was all about.

were you going to confront him? did ned say something? maybe it was a mistake to confide in his most gossipy friend about how he felt.

with a headache from stress and a heavy backpack hanging off his shoulders, peter walked into the café. he spotted you at a table near the window. you’d already taken the liberty of ordering, two drinks and a chocolate chip cookie waiting there. you looked up from your phone when peter pulled a chair out.

“hi.” you gave him a small smile and put your phone down. “i already got everything.” peter shrugged off his backpack with a grin. he sat down facing you. “thanks. sorry i’m kinda late. i had to stop at my locker.” you usually met him there. come to think of it, why hadn’t you today? you pushed peter’s drink over to him. “you’re fine. i came here early to get us a table, anyway.” phew.

peter bent the straw to his iced macchiato and took a sip. it made him feel grown up, casually drinking coffee with you over a boring conversation. adult life must’ve sucked. “so, how was the rest of your day?” he asked to fill the silence. you only had two classes without him after lunch, so that was a dumb question. he’d never had so much trouble talking to you.

“eh. betty fell asleep on me during this cold war documentary we had to watch.” “didn’t she say american history is her favorite?” you broke off a piece of the cookie with a laugh. “not after that. what about your day?” the light from the window was shining directly on you, blocking out everything else from peter’s view. he wanted to tell you how beautiful you were so bad, but that would be creepy.

you took a bite of your cookie and raised an eyebrow. he was staring. “uh, nothing interesting. i’m gonna patrol a little bit later.” peter sipped his drink again. you clicked your tongue and let out a breath. “that’s all you do these days.” he knew you were catching on to how off he’d been. what was he supposed to say? it would’ve helped if he’d prepared a few excuses.

“just trying to help out while i’m still here.” that was a half truth. “yeah, but you should still take some time for yourself.” you ripped open your straw wrapper and blew it at peter. he caught it just before it hit his face. rolling your eyes, you put the straw into your drink. “i hate your reflexes sometimes.” he shrugged one of his shoulders casually. “jealousy is a disease.”

neither of you said anything for a few minutes. you stared out the window while peter finished the rest of the cookie. he could tell something was on your mind. whenever you were deep in your thoughts, you sort of zoned out like this.

he was too nervous to ask you what was wrong because of the conversation you just had. it sounded like you had already considered he was being distant before today. his feelings aside, he needed to reassure you. that was more important.

“y/n?” you turned your head to look at him. “yeah?” peter’s gaze shifted from you to his thumbs twiddling in his lap. “i know we’ve both been really... busy lately, but i’m still here. don’t forget that.” a hint of a smile played on your lips. you would’ve hugged him if you could reach. “thank you, peter. i kinda needed to hear that.” he nudged your leg under the table. “of course. hey, you wanna come with me tonight?”

a couple of hours later, you were in peter’s arms on a rooftop that was much higher up than it looked. he insisted on taking you for a swing so you could get the full experience. he’d been trying to get you to do this for the longest time, so he wondered what made you agree today. you wanted to find out what was so enjoyable about it.

“i trust you, but you’re not gonna drop me, right?” your legs were around his waist, and he had one hand supporting you by your back. that wasn’t terrifying at all. you grabbed peter’s shoulders, the idea of it making you nervous. he wrapped his arm tighter around you.

“oh my god, no. i can always web you back up.” “peter! that’s not funny.” even behind the mask, you could tell he was smirking. “you’re always safe with me, squirt. don’t worry.” you brought your arms up to loop around his neck.

“i feel better now.” “good. i’m gonna jump when we get to the edge, okay?“ your whole body stiffened up. peter could sense it. as excited as he was to share this with you, he didn’t want to make you feel pressured. “or we don’t have to do it.” his voice was quiet. you tried to relax in his hold. “i’m just gonna close my eyes. i think that’ll help.” “we’re about to find out.”

peter started walking towards the edge of the building with you holding on even tighter to him, your eyes squeezed shut. he kept finding himself in situations where he was close to you in the ways he’d been wishing for, but never for the same reasons. it was bittersweet.

he bit down on his lip and aimed his free hand at a building. you squealed when he leaned back. “i’m jumping now,” he prepared you, and before you could respond, you were in the air. you hid your face in peter’s chest the second you felt yourself pretty much flying.

“what the fuck, you like this?” you had to yell so he could hear you. peter shot another web to keep swinging. “it’s really not that bad! try looking up!” he shouted back, clearly amused.

grip tightening around his neck, you slowly pulled your face away from him. he kept you close as he swung. you somehow convinced yourself you weren’t going to die by looking at something besides peter. your eyes landed on the sky behind his head.

the sun was almost completely set, deep pink and orange merging together against the glowing lights of the city. you were finally understanding why he liked this so much. it was beautiful.

peter peeked at you for a second to check on you. he swore his heart was going to explode out of his chest. the look of adoration on your face, it was even better than the view. it was the view. the little moments where peter got to see you this way made him realize how in love with you he really was.

“this is... wow. i get it now,” you laughed in disbelief, watching as the city whirled past you. peter smiled so big it hurt. “pretty awesome, huh?” one of your hands slid back down to his shoulder. “take me with you more often.”

♡ 5.

peter licked his lips out of habit as he held the door open for may, who was following behind him with a look of pride. he was about to graduate high school. the ceremony was being held in a really nice stadium-like place. trying to find it added minutes on to the parker tradition of being late to everything important.

peter wasn’t as concerned with his tardiness as he was with finding you.

while he tossed and turned in bed the night before, he went over his whole school year in his head. that meant little things and big things. he was starting to drift off until he remembered a conversation with ned a few weeks back. they decided on a deadline for peter to tell you about his feelings, and it was before graduation.

they chose it because if peter got rejected, he’d be over it by the time college started. that was the goal.

it wasn’t that peter had changed his mind. it was that he completely forgot. he didn’t have a solid plan for what he should do. these things needed to be decided way in advance. he ended up pulling something together last minute because it was you. plus, this extra pressure gave him the push to go through with it. somewhere between steps seven and eight, he passed out.

may rushed him to get ready because he’d slept past his alarm. the whole morning was a mess, and he had at most fifteen minutes to confess his love to you by the time he got there.

“you should go make sure you’re marked here. i’ll see you after. love you.” may pressed a kiss to his cheek and half-jogged to the auditorium for a seat. he squeezed her arm and headed off to check in. your whole grade was already lined up along the walls for what looked like miles. the deal was to tell you before graduation. he still had about ten minutes.

peter walked past hundreds of students with his heartbeat thumping in his ears. everyone was in alphabetical order, so it didn’t take too long to find you. relief washed over you when you saw peter. you were worried he wouldn’t show up at all. his cap was in his hand, hair getting tangled from running his fingers through it. he looked at you with pleading eyes.

“finally, i’ve been trying to call you all morning. where were you?” your tone was dripping with concern. “i overslept. there’s something i gotta tell you, y/n.” he gulped. you smiled in a way that was kind of pitying. “we’re about to start going inside. i- you have to wait, pete. go get lined up.”

this wasn’t how it was going to end. not again.

he looked around to see who was watching, then he grabbed your wrist. “peter, what are you-“ “just come with me really quick.” despite yourself, you let him lead you down the hallway. you dodged a couple of teachers having a conversation and went into a bathroom that was vacant by some chance. he let go of you after the door shut. you stood behind it while he walked over to a sink.

it was making you anxious to not be out there. you could be late. peter was the same way when it came to school, so you knew this had to be pretty serious. you gave up the battle with yourself and made your way over to him. he was looking at himself in the mirror, trying to get a stray curl back in place.

“let me help.” you stood next to him. he turned to face you, that same look of urgency still in his eyes. you used two fingers to brush through his hair. there was so much gel that it was wet enough to mess with. you smiled a bit and took your hand out of his hair. his hand was gripping the sink.

“you look good, pete. you smell good, too.” “so do you.” his voice was lower than usual. you flattened out the material of your blue gown. “thanks. so, talk to me. what’s up?”

the question was so simple, but way too many answers were running through peter’s brain. he wasn’t even sure he’d have enough time to explain everything now. this was why he needed a written out and carefully crafted plan.

but, like he said to himself last night, this was you. his best friend in the entire world and any other that might exist. the person who’s been there for his most embarrassing moments, and who’s been responsible for some of his best ones. if he couldn’t finally say the three words he’d said to you so many times before, what was the point?

his fingers drummed a steady rhythm while he mustered up the last remaining bit of courage in him. you watched him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. “just, um...” he was stalling. he pulled his hand off the sink. “i... love you.” peter only glanced at you for a second, too afraid to see your reaction. “i love you, too. is everything okay?” his heart sank. you thought he meant it in the friend way.

that was what he got for being so terrible with words.

“no, y/n. not like that.” he blurted. you were lost. peter pressed his back against the wall and sat down. confused and equally worried, you sat next to him on the floor. “then what do you mean? you’re scaring me.” he checked the watch may made him wear to see how much time was left before graduation. four minutes. he really should’ve woken up on time.

“we have to get back in line soon. i don’t wanna miss-“ “i love you, y/n. i’m in love with you.” a weight that had been on peter’s chest for months was lifted just by saying it. you squinted your eyes at him, but said nothing.

“i’ve been trying to tell you for a while, and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. i just had to say it.” “fuck, are you serious?” you sounded what peter could only describe as disappointed. yeah, it was unrequited. here came a summer of crying. “i was gonna tell you first.”

peter’s breath hitched in his throat, and he swore you could hear it. he was so sleep deprived that it felt like he was hallucinating. you shook your head as heat came to your cheeks.

“how long have you...” peter trailed off, an eye crinkling smile interrupting him. “that day we went for coffee. something clicked, so i thought for a while and figured it out. i think i’ve loved you for a really long time.”

you inched closer to peter, just barely resting your head on his shoulder. for once, you felt like the shy one. he put his hand on top of yours. his thumb traced over each of your fingers. “i’d ask you out, but you know. we don’t really have time.”

“peter, it won’t take that long.” you giggled. he squeezed your hand in his. “hm. y/n, would you wanna go out with me after this?” you thought about teasing him for it, but he was right. you had to go. that was the friend still in you. “i’d love to go out with you, peter.”

with that, you both jumped to your feet and ran out of the bathroom. you were still holding hands, and a few classmates made faces when you rushed past them to get to your spots. you exchanged one last smile with peter before lining up.

the person in front of you said everybody was looking for you two. honestly, you didn’t care all that much. you were too excited for your date later. peter already knew he’d be checking his watch throughout the whole ceremony.

it was a best friend and soulmate thing.

[cudan2]

One Last Surgery

Spring Break Shadowing Part 5.1

Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Word Count: 2,043

Summary: You finally find out the reason for going to the children’s hospital, but you’re more distracted than usual today and Dr. Cullen can tell. 

A/N: Tell me why part 5 of SBS takes up over half of the whole series? I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for 5 months because I keep adding more to it smh. Now it’s too long so I’ve decided to split it up into 3 parts (in addition to parts 6 and 7). I’m making the final edits the rest of this part now - 5.2 should be posted in like two days.

Anyways, this is technically the beginning of  #1 and #2 on my headcanon list.

Masterlist

XXX

Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital is only across the street from Doctor Cullen’s office, but it seems to take forever to get there. You trail the doctor like a lost puppy through a skyway and a series of corridors before eventually reaching the right building. Different is definitely an understatement.

Gone are the linoleum-tiled floors, the abstract paintings lining the hallways, and the stark white walls. Instead, there are bright colors everywhere you look. Artwork featuring various galaxies and planets scatter throughout the hospital, and giant stars are imprinted along the floors; even the whole atmosphere just feels different.

You don’t get much time to analyze the differences though. Doctor Cullen is wasting no time to reach the destination, and his long legs aren’t making it any easier to keep up.

“Not that I don’t like surprises, but any chance you can tell me what we’re doing in the children’s hospital now?”

“Impatient, are we?” Doctor Cullen chuckles. He stops at an elevator and pushes the up button, only giving into your question once he catches a glimpse of your pout. “Alright, you win. Are you familiar with a cleft palate or cleft lip?”

The elevator dings, the doors sliding open with it. You shake your head no and get on the elevator with him. He presses the button for the floor and then leans against the wall, arms outstretched on the handrail, and gives you an explanation. 

“A cleft is a gap or split occurring in the roof of the mouth, upper lip, or both. It is due to improper joining of the tissue during fetal development. There are no definitive known causes as of right now, but it’s believed that the environment and genetics can play a role.

The hospital has its own craniofacial team, but I was asked to join this particular case given its more complicated nature. Hanna became one of the first patients I treated when I came to Columbia,” Doctor Cullen finishes fondly, a smile gracing his lips.

“What makes this case complicated?” you ask.

“Hanna was born with a bilateral complete cleft lip and palate, meaning her lip cleft is two-sided and continues into her nose. It took quite a few surgeries to repair the lip, but now the next step is to repair the palate.”

The elevator reaches the floor and dings. You follow Doctor Cullen out and continue prodding him with more questions, which he is more than eager to answer. It’s incredible how knowledgeable he is. Granted, it is his job to know these things, but you couldn’t begin to imagine yourself being able to even scratch the surface of these topics, not to mention give a mini lecture on it.

You’re soon standing at the door to a patient room while the doctor asks Hanna’s parents if you can observe. They readily agree, and Doctor Cullen motions for you to come in.

Inside the room, you see an infant that can’t be more than a year old – Hanna.  She’s sitting upright on the bed, leaning against who you assume to be her father. You notice two fading scars going up into her nose above her lip. Her mother is waving a stuffed toy around her, but Hanna’s attention is fixated on the blonde doctor.

“Y/N, allow me to introduce you to Hanna’s parents, Anthony and Linh Pham. And this is Doctor Giselle Adamou, who will be working with me on the surgery,” Doctor Cullen gestures to the older doctor in the room.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” you say politely.

Pre-op goes differently than what you’ve gotten used to observing this week. There is no case presenting given the lack of residents on the case. If anything, this is what you would expect out of a non-teaching hospital.

Doctor Cullen re-explains the procedures to Hanna’s parents, but halfway through, Hanna crawls to the end of the bed where Doctor Cullen is and attempts to stand, arms outstretched as if to say, “Up! Up!” Bewilderment is not a word you would have associated with him, and yet you catch the brief widening of his eyes that betray his usually calm demeanor.

“I think she wants you to hold her,” Linh comments.

“I can see,” Doctor Cullen muses. “Do you mind?”

“She’s all yours.” Linh picks her daughter up from the bed and hands her to the doctor. The sound of Hanna’s elated laughter fills the room, and you can’t stop a small smile from appearing on your own face. A cute baby and a gorgeous doctor? You don’t know who to thank for the sight.

Meanwhile, Hanna starts playing with various pens in Doctor Cullen’s breast pocket while Doctor Adamou continues where her colleague left off. You try to pay attention, you really do. Like Hanna though, your attention lies on someone else, and that someone else happens to be Doctor Cullen.

The more you study him, the more the minute features you never noticed about him before seem to pop out to you. Under the bright fluorescent lighting of the hospital, the dark purple circles under his eyes are more apparent than ever. How ironic for the preacher of health to lack sleep himself. His eyes, which you normally consider to be a vivid golden, are darker than you initially thought them to be. They are liquid pools of dark amber, speckled with dustings of gold and flecks of black. There isn’t a single blemish on his face that you can see either, further confirming your belief that this man is truly the most attractive person you have ever met. Either that or he must have one hell of a skincare routine.

It’s unnerving how young his appearance is. Skincare and diet can only do so much for a person, right? Doctor Cullen has to be at least 35 at the minimum, yet he could easily pass off as someone from your own school.

“Any last minute questions?” you hear Doctor Adamou ask and snap back into reality. By missing nearly everything the older doctor talked about, you already know you’ll be so screwed if and when Doctor Cullen decides to interrogate you on this case.

Neither parent has anything left to say, so Doctor Cullen gives a reluctant Hanna back to her mother. She lets out a cry and his expression softens.

“I know, sweetheart. I’ll miss you too, but I need to get ready for your big surgery, okay? I promise you’ll see me again in a few hours.” His soothing voice does wonders for her. In an instant, Hanna quiets down and her frown is replaced with giggles and smiles again. She waves the two of you off, and you both take your leave with Doctor Adamou trailing behind you. You’re not even halfway out the door yet when Doctor Cullen starts testing your knowledge again.

“Y/N, what procedure will we be doing to repair Hanna’s cleft?” 

You do not have this one in the bag whatsoever. You wrack your brain for information that could help you, but Doctor Adamou interjects before you get a chance to say anything.

“Why does it not surprise me that you’re treating students like interns already, Carlisle?”

“I am merely advancing the education of next generation’s doctors,” he responds.

“Whatever you say,” she laughs. “Don’t scare off Y/N though, or we won’t have any doctors left in the next generation.” She turns to you after picking up files from a nearby counter and says, “You come running to me if he pushes you too hard, alright?”

You grin. “For sure.”

“Good. I look forward to seeing you both in the OR,” she says before heading off.

You like Doctor Adamou. Each surgeon you’ve met here so far has had such different personalities, yet each also has the charisma and confidence to take control of a room and command respect. You, on the other hand, could barely get your own friends to listen to your own words. How are you ever going to get on the level of all the amazing doctors around you?

“She saved you there,” Doctor Cullen comments, leafing through Hanna’s charts as he walks you into an empty elevator to the operating floor. Oops, it’s just your luck that he noticed your lack of attention during the pre-op. “It’s unlike you to be distracted. Penny for your thoughts?”

The elevator doors shut, and he looks up from the chart, his eyes falling onto yours. He has that twinkle in his eyes again – the one that brings warmth to your cheeks and could make anyone weak in their knees. You know it’s silly, but a single look from him could make you spill any of your deepest and darkest secrets, yet a part of you also knows that he would keep it. You’re not naïve – you know it’s dangerous to put so much faith into a man you only met this week – but there’s something about him that told your instincts to trust him from the very beginning.

Call it intuition, or maybe it’s just plain stupidity, but you sure as hell aren’t going to tell him about how you got distracted because of his pretty face.

You hesitate for a moment and let out a sigh. “How do you do it?” He quirks a brow, momentarily perplexed, and you attempt to find the right words. “How do you make all of this look so easy? How do you know what the right thing to say is? Or trust that what you’re doing is even right? How did you know if this was all meant for you? This is really dumb, but it seems like everyone here was born for this job, and then there’s... me.”

There’s a slight sense of dread starting to form in your stomach. You’re unsure if what you asked even made any sort of sense and wonder if you gave too much away. Giving any reason to second guess your abilities is like digging your own grave when it comes to this career. Expressing uncertainty is one of the biggest taboos of the cutthroat world that is pre-med because schools would not accept students that aren’t absolutely, totally, and completely sure about this path.

You’ve wanted this for so long, yet there’s still a part of you that doubts if you would be enough.

Rather than going straight to gowning and scrubbing in for the surgery, Doctor Cullen grabs your hand and leads you down to an abandoned hallway, only letting go once the two of you are hidden in an alcove away from any prying ears or eyes.

“What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for surgery?”

“We have a few minutes to spare. Y/N, please know that I understand how you feel,” he says softly. “There was a time when I questioned my own abilities as well… whether my perseverance could overcome adversity. It took quite some time to reach where I am today.  However, without enduring those trials and tribulations, I would not be here. With time comes experience, and it is that experience that allows me to perform my job the best I can.”

His voice reminds you of a gentle breeze, rustling the leaves of a tree on a cool summer night when he continues speaking in hushed tones. It brings a blanket of reassurance, a sense that things would eventually be alright.

“I have said this before, but I see enormous potential in you. You still have a great deal of time to grow and develop your skills. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself with others, especially given today’s societal standards, but I believe you are much more capable than you may think you are. Everyone’s journey is different and yours may not necessarily be as linear as you would prefer. In due time though, I have faith that you will succeed.”

What he says is exactly what you needed to hear.

The swell of tears pricks at your eyes and start blurring your vision, but you blink them away quickly, fighting the urge to wrap your arms around the doctor. 

“Thank you, Doctor Cullen.” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

“You’re very welcome. Now, I believe there’s a little girl waiting on us.” 

XXX

Tag List - Message me to be added or removed to either this series or the rest of my fics!

@jelly-fishy-babie @notahappytree @anxiousgoldengirl

[mrsalwayswrite]

Filthy Tease (Eugene Roe x f!reader)

I meant for this to be a spicy Roe piece but it kinda of took a different route than anticipated... oops? Anyway, i wanna dedicate this to @saritanotserena for giving me the idea but also cuz she is amazing! (sorry if this is awful, i still think i’m terrible at smut) also, not super edited cuz we die like men, alright?

Warning: sexual content- teasing & fingering & my poor attempts at dirty talk

Words:3700

Tag list: @happyveday @saritanotserena @sydney-m @evelynshelby

 There were many things most people were not aware of in regards to Easy Company's Eugene Roe. For example, he was terrified of bees. But instead of running away screaming, he would freeze and not move, barely breathing until he felt safe enough to move. Also, the man was obsessed with strawberries. He would pick them any day over chocolate or any other kind of dessert. When alone, he enjoyed quietly quoting poetry. He never did it in front of the men, for fear they would mock him. The biggest secret that would surprise people though?

 Eugene Roe was a filthy tease whose lips dripped sin and hands brought you to heaven with their touch. 

 And you were well acquainted with this side of him. 

 In Albourne, the replacements had begun calling you 'mama bear' shortly after you punched a Sergeant from a different company, who was picking on one of Easy's replacements. You also had the habit of checking up on them and trying to teach them extra things that training left out. You did not mind the nickname. Honestly, you thought it was sweet how all the boys took to you so. Since most of the Toccoa guys did not want anything to do with the replacements, you stepped up. 

 Unfortunately, all this extra attention from the replacements seemed to spark unnecessary jealousy from Roe. In the quiet moments you two managed to sneak away, you always tried to remind and show him how he was the only man who caught your eye. You would shower him with words of affection, hold him close and kiss him until he forgot his worries. You both hated that you had to keep your relationship a secret. You tried to remind him that this was only temporary. One day you could kiss and hold hands in public. One day you could stand before him in a white dress. One day you would make others jealous with the overwhelming love you had for each other. 

 But that was not today. Or in any sense of the foreseeable future. So you kept your relationship secret and tried to keep your affections on a slow simmer as to not alert the rest of the company. 

 After you started gaining more attention from the replacements, after you started spending more time with them…. Roe changed his tactics in reminding you of who always stole your breath and made you feel like a goddess on earth. 

 And that was how you learned he was a filthy tease. 

 It started off with simple things. He would walk past you and let his hand caress your ass for a fleeting moment before moving on to avoid drawing notice to the pair of you. Or if you sat next to one another to eat, he would place his hand on your knee or thigh underneath the table, giving you an occasional squeeze. If your hair got in your face, he would tenderly tuck it behind your ear or adjust your cap if your hands were full. It was sweet how tactical he was. Always seeking for a way to subtly touch you. 

 Then one day, you were walking with a couple of replacements back from the firing range, having been helping them with their accuracy. You saw Roe approaching, hands in his pockets, his eyes focused on you. He commented how he needed your advice for something and so you innocently followed him towards the small aid station set up in Albourne, having waved goodbye to the replacements. 

 As you passed a huge stack of empty boxes next to a brick building, he pushed you off the road and behind the boxes. You slammed against the brick wall, shock making you unable to cry out or demand about his actions. He had never been rough with you before. Concern and anger warned in you, unsure if something was wrong with him or he was being an asshole. When you leaned back, ready to demand what was going on, your words were cut off by his mouth covering yours and his tongue slipping between your lips. His body pressed against you, pinning you between him and the brick wall behind you. His mouth and touch dominated you, bringing you to the brink and turning you into a puddle of desire. Just as a whine left your throat, desperate for him to touch you where you needed him most, he pulled back. Through the haze of lust, you could see his lips swollen, eyes dilated, and chest rising and falling rapidly, matching your own. 

 "What…?" You stumbled out, your mind and body quaking with need. 

 "That's so ya don't forget." Even his voice was affected, more husky than normal. God, it sounded delicious and you wanted to taste it from the source again. 

 "Forget… forget what?"

 "Who makes ya feel good. Who can please ya… and who always wants ya." He stepped back, a smug smirk tugging on his lips. "See ya later, chéri." Then he walked away, back onto the road, hands in his pockets as if nothing had happened. As if he had not left you aching in need and obscenely wet. 

 You stayed there against the brick wall for longer than you would ever care to admit. Your heart hammered in your chest, the ache in your belly at an almost painful level, your breathing heavy in anticipation for what you thought was to come. But now you stood there… alone… and horny. 

 You thought maybe this was just a one-time thing. He had never done anything like this before. 

 Oh, how wrong you were. 

 A couple days later you sat in the back of a lecture room, Nixon at the front talking about something very important. But you could not hear a word he was saying. Oh no, because Eugene Roe was sitting next to you, whispering in your ear about all the dirty things he wanted to do to you in quite explicit terms. Half the stuff he whispered, you wondered where he even got the ideas. Soon enough, his words seeped into your mind as he painted such lewd images of the two of you. You had to press your thighs tightly together to deal with the growing ache. Something you were positive he noticed and delighted in. At one point, he even drew his finger slowly up from your knee to your hip as he whispered about sneaking into Sink's office and letting him fuck you over the man's desk. Once the lecture was over, Roe just gave you a wink and easily got up to walk away with the others heading out. You had to sit there for several minutes, taking long, deep breaths to try and will away the flush over your skin and suppress the pooling desire in your belly. 

 You could not decide if you loved or hated this new side of Roe. 

 Another time he asked for your help, that he might practice a new technique he read about in one of his medical books. You laid down on one of the beds in the aid station. The quiet chatting of a couple of the other medics behind the half-wall curtain filled the otherwise silent air from the other side of the station. Roe snuck a quick kiss to your lips making you giggle quietly and the two of you easily fell into a light-hearted conversation about a party being set up for the enlisted. Though as you two kept talking and he practiced wrapping and unwrapping various parts of your body, his hands began to…. wander. His fingers skimmed up your thighs, moving teasingly close to your groin then darting away. 

 At first you thought it was an accident and paid no mind, but after a couple times, you realized he was doing it on purpose. When you called him out on it, he pretended to have no idea what you were talking about. Then he told you he needed to practice working on a chest wound. Next thing you knew, he had the top several buttons of your army-issued jacket open, and he was laying a bandage on your exposed skin. His hands roamed across your chest, brushing your breasts with firm strokes. At one point he murmured something about giving you morphine and pretended to jab a syringe into your thigh; but as his hand moved back up, it grazed over your sex, leaving a fiery trail up your torso and back to your chest in its wake.  

 "Gene…" you moaned, unable to take it anymore, wriggling underneath his touch seeking friction. 

 He hushed you, wicked eyes glancing towards where the others were in the aid station. "Ya gotta keep quiet, pretty lady. Can ya do that for me?"

 You nodded but it was only half-hearted, your mind already drawing in the euphoric hunger he induced in you. His hands worked you- skimming, fondling, cupping and teasing- in all the ways that soon left you a quivering mess, biting down on your hand to keep the lascivious moans at bay. 

 The whole time he complimented and whispered to you, saying things that only seemed to heighten the experience. "Doin' so good, mon chéri, look at ya. Beautiful." Or "gotta keep quiet, pretty lady." Or "just imagine when I do this to ya, but with my tongue… I know ya taste so damn good. How's that feel, darlin'?"

 Finally, you were toeing the edge, body desperate to fall off that cliff. Your body vibrated with maddening want. "Gene, please…." You begged without shame; the desire, the need too great for you to care. 

 "Shhh...can't let 'em see ya like this." He cooed, one hand cupping your cheek while the other fondled your breast. "This is for me only, yeah? Say it, chéri."

 "Just you… just you, Gene."

 "Mmm… good girl." Then he finally slipped his skilled hand into your pants and pushed you off the edge. Your body drowned in bliss, mind hazy with pleasure. 

 This went on for weeks. Any opportunity he could pull you into a dark corner, push you against a wall, touch you, or drive you wild… he took full advantage of. 

 To everyone else, he still remained the quiet, slightly reclusive medic with a heart of gold and healing hands. 

 But to you… he was a fallen angel with the sole purpose to tempt you with that delightful Cajun accent and take control of you with those sinful lips and magical hands. 

 ***

 The atmosphere in the pub was jovial. Glenn Miller played in the background from the radio. The many voices of the paratroopers filled the pub, overshadowing the famous artist. The place reeked of beer, cigarette smoke and testosterone.  

 Buck, Luz, Toye and Heffron played darts in the corner. A few of the other Toccoa men heckled them and laughed at their own jokes, ignoring the replacements scattered about. The divide between Toccoa men and replacements felt like a terrible chasm. You tried to bridge it though. Floating between both parties, you laughed and cracked jokes with everyone while sipping on your beer. 

 This was the first time you had worn your WAAC uniform in months, reviving fond memories at its feel and look. You had started in the WAAC but then threw a series of unexpected encounters and circumstances, you eventually found yourself at Camp Toccoa training to be a paratrooper. Now, it felt odd to be wearing a skirt, stockings and kitten heels. You had become so used to your dirty ODs. Tonight though, you donned your skirt and heels, even going so far to put on some red lipstick. Who knew when the next chance you would have to dress up would be?

 "Come on, just one dance." Simmons was begging from the seat beside you, his boyish charm on full display, enhanced by the dimples in his cheeks. 

 You laughed, more amused than annoyed by his persistence. "No, if I dance with you then everyone else will expect a dance too."

 "Give it up, Peter." Burkle chuckled. "Mama bear ain't going out there."

 You pointed a finger at the dark-haired replacement across the table. "I knew there was a reason I liked you, Frank."

 "Ya hear 'bout the man who got caught joy-ridin' the other day?" Ralph Nestor changed the topic thankfully, leaning forward against the table, ready to spread the latest gossip. 

 Taking another sip of your beer, you listened but scanned the crowd around you. It was about time for you to move on to the next group. 

 As if sensing a pair of eyes burning into you, you swiveled your head trying to locate the gaze. It did not take long for you to meet the eyes of Eugene Roe. He sat with Spina and a few others at a table on the other side of the bar. He subtly tapped the empty spot next to him after he caught your eye. A warmth filled you. It was stupid since you knew he loved you but even here amongst a crowd, he wanted you by his side. 

 "Well, I'm off, fellas. Don't get too drunk tonight please… and if you do, make sure to keep all your clothes on. I'm looking at you, Private Burkle." You teased, watching the young man's face redden at the reminder, while the others laughed. Standing up, you brushed your skirt down, still unused to the feeling after so long. 

 "Yes, mama bear." A couple of them chorused. 

 You smiled. As you reached forward to grab your half-full beer glass, a hand slipped into yours and spun you around into a solid chest. "What?"

 Simmons held your hand as he placed his other on your waist. "Come on, one dance. I'll even keep my hands to myself."

 "Your hands wander at all, there's at least thirty men here who will rip your hands off for me if I ask."

 "Oh believe me, I know." He squeezed your hand, a cheeky smile on his face. "Please?"

 "Simmons, give it up!" Nestor said. "I see your platoon Sergeant looking over here."

 That got Simmons to freeze, glancing over his shoulder to see Guarnere with eyes narrowed at the two of you. 

 You laughed, pushing away from the replacement. "Better not piss your platoon Sergeant off. I'll be back for my glass." Swiftly, you moved in the direction of the bathroom, sending a wink Guarnere's way and receiving one in return. 

 The women's bathroom was small and cramped with two stalls, barely room to move, and a small counter with a sink. Either women did not frequent this pub much or this was awkwardly small to discourage women from lounging and socializing in here away from men. In your mind, it could go either way honestly. 

 After you finished your business, you stood at the sink washing your hands. The cool water soothed your skin after the heat in the pub. Looking up in the mirror, you saw your lipstick had faded and was slightly smudged. Most likely from the beer glass. Carefully, you tried to fix it using the tip of your finger. It seemed absurd, with everything you had been through- the training and combat you had seen- for you to be standing here worried about your smudged lipstick. Perhaps it would not have felt so odd if you stayed in the WAAC instead of joining the paratroopers. 

 Behind you, the bathroom door opened which surprised you. You thought you had been the only woman at the pub tonight. Maybe a few local women showed up? You looked up into the mirror, prepared to greet the woman. After the person stepped through, your jaw dropped and eyes widened. For it was not a local woman in a pretty dress that stepped in.  

 It was Eugene Roe. 

 "What are you doing in here, Gene?" You looked at him through the mirror. "Is the men's bathroom full?"

 Instead of verbally responding, you watched him latch the simple lock over the door. Your movements stilled as you realized what he just did. 

 "Gene?"

 In a single stride, he came up behind you, putting his arms out on either side of you, caging you between the sink and his body. 

 "Darlin'," he crooned in your ear as his lips left a trail of sweet heat along your neck. "Ya look too damn sexy out there. I see ya legs in those heels and skirt and all I can think about is how good they feel wrapped around me as I pound into ya."

 Your skin felt feverish as the heat radiated off his body. Even through all the layers between you two, your body soaked it in like the parched ground after a thunderstorm. With the warmth of his breath ghosting over your skin and his filthy words, your womb clenched from that alone. 

 "Then I see that boy with his hands on ya… shit, it took everythin' for me to not rip him off ya."

 "He didn't mean anything, Gene. I promise."

 "Don't matter. I hate it." His hands gripped the hem of your skirt, slowly pulling it up and bunching it around your hips. He began laying open-mouth kisses along your neck, the whole time his eyes holding yours, as you watched him in the mirror. "I need to 'ear ya sing, pretty lady, I need to 'ear ya gorgeous sounds."

 "Gene…" you moaned out, your eyelids fluttering. That delicious warmth, that only he could fuel, began growing in your belly. "We can't right here." 

 "Shall we find out?"

 Without preamble, one of his hands slipped under your skirt, the other still bunching the fabric up around you and out of the way. You hissed slightly as he touched your bare core, unable to completely hide the smirk on your face as he gave a slight groan. 

 "Mon chéri, where ya skivvies at? Ya been out there this whole time with no underwear on?" 

 "I wanted to surprise you… I thought you might try something."

 "Fuck!" He bit your earlobe and ground his hardening cock against your ass. "Ya tryin' to tease me? Mmm?"

 Before you could retort something smart back at him, you gasped as he slipped a finger into you, finding you already wet for him. 

 "Look at ya, sweetheart, so fuckin' beautiful right now." He murmured, eyes not having left yours in the mirror this whole time, pining you even more so than his body still caging you. 

 With one hand, you grabbed the sink to anchor yourself, your legs turning into jelly beneath you from the onslaught of pleasure coursing through your veins. "Gene, please." You begged. 

 Eyes boring into yours, he pulled his finger out of you, drawing a whiny whimper from your lips. With a salacious smirk, he opened his mouth and placed his pointer and middle fingers in his mouth, making sure to swirl his tongue around them then pulled them slowly out. 

 "Holy fuck…"

 Still smirking, he reached down and slipped both fingers into you. They plunged in and out of you, the wet sounds lewdly echoed in the small bathroom. Roe continued to grind against you from behind, timing it to match with the thrusts of his fingers. You wanted to close your eyes, to sink into the heat bubbling in you. But you were unable to for Roe watched you with a heated, heavy gaze in the mirror. Your gazes locked as he brought you closer and closer to your climax, moans and sighs slipping from your lips. 

 "Good girl, mon chérie, so beautiful. Look at ya."

 He continued to whisper in your ear in between leaving open-mouth kisses and bites on your neck and jaw. 

 "Ya close, sweetheart? I can feel it, so close."

 "Oh God, please, Gene…. Don't stop. Please."

 With a dark chuckle, he gave one last flick to your clit and pushed you over the edge. As you opened your mouth, he slammed his mouth over yours, greedily swallowing your cry of bliss. You floated on waves of ecstasy; your eyes closed to soak in the sensations. Eventually you opened your eyes, even if the movement felt sluggish and your body limp. 

 "There's those gorgeous eyes." Roe nuzzle your temple. "Ya back with me?"

 "Mmm… I think so."

 He chuckled. "Think ya can stand?"

 That was when you noticed he was practically holding you up between an arm now wrapped around your waist and you still pinned between him and the sink. 

 "Sorry." You mumbled, standing up on shaky legs. When you noticed his cocky smirk, you languidly swatted at him. "Shut up." Slowly you turned around to look at him. It did not escape your notice his… um… large problem he was sporting in his trousers. 

 "You know… the couple I am billeted with, they left this afternoon for a weekend in London visiting family."

 "Oh? Well, that is interestin' news."

 "Uh huh. What's the likelihood we can sneak out of here unnoticed?"

 He leaned down to press his lips against yours, drawing a soft sigh from you at the sweetness in the kiss. "Very likely… Guess we'll find out though."

 "And what's the likelihood we'll actually make it to the house before you try to get under my skirt again?"

 "Less likely."

 You laughed, pressing a hand to his chest to push him back. Running a hand over your skirt, you tried to smooth it out as much as possible and hide any evidence of your tryst. 

 "Ready?"

 "Always."

 The two of you somehow managed to sneak out of the bathroom and out of the pub without drawing notice to yourselves. As you stepped out into the night, walking quickly down the street, you both were giggling like teenagers having snuck out of your parents' homes. He snagged your hand and pulled you along, almost jogging down the silent road in Albourne. 

 Before you even made it halfway to your billeted house, Roe pulled you into a dark corner, just off the road. You laughed before his mouth covered yours, silencing you and turning your laughter into moans. 

 You did not mind too much. 

[mandoalorian]

Sugar and Spice [Maxwell Lord x Reader] - Chapter 8

Summary: When you are evicted from your apartment by your toxic ex boyfriend and have no place to go, who do you turn to? Alone in the city as the countdown to Christmas begins, you find yourself applying for a job as the assistant of the world’s biggest entrepreneur; Maxwell Lord. Little do you know, he has other intentions for you. No doubt about it, this Christmas will truly be like no other.

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings: Smut, mentions of a previous verbally abusive relationship, typical 80s misogyny (but very little of it), mentions of food and drink, alcohol consumption. This is a sugardaddy x sugarbaby fic soooo… a daddy k!nk too oops.

But in this chapter - reader confronts her abusive ex boyfriend.

Author’s note: ANGST! Mention of an abusive relationship although I've tried to gloss over it as much as I can. Sorry this chapter was a long time coming. I'm so happy that people are enjoying Sugar and Spice.

MASTERLIST

PREVIOUS - CHAPTER EIGHT - NEXT

"I think," Maxwell swallowed. "No. I know. I know that I've fallen deeply in love with you."

You swore your heart stopped at his revelation. Hand still cupping his cheek, you looked deep into his glazed, honey brown eyes and saw nothing but the truth. The man who had rounded his career on lies and greed loved you. You felt your throat dry up, searching for words but not knowing what to say. Maxwell looked at you too, his soft eyes beginning to cross in bewilderment when you didn't say a word. He wished so desperately that you'd say something, anything. The last person Maxwell Lord said 'I love you' to, was his father. You couldn't leave him hanging.

You wanted to say it back, you wanted to so desperately tell him the truth— that you loved him too, because, you did. You hadn't confronted your feelings, you hadn't realized it fully until faced with your current situation. But now everything made sense. The jealousy, the lust, the need for affection and the want to be cared for.

Fate brought you both together. Running from an abusive relationship, getting almost kicked out of your apartment, and finding yourself in the expansive office of Maxwell Lord the IV. You thought you were going for an assistant position but instead you found yourself as his sugar baby and now… now this only complicated everything.

"Max," you whispered and he closed his eyes slowly, one final year falling down his cheek. Your gaze flicked between him and the almost finished bottle of whiskey on his desk. He'd been drinking at the gala and he'd been drinking when he got home therefore it was for certain that Maxwell was not in the right state of mind at all. "Do you want to go to bed?"

"You don't love me," Maxwell tried to ask but it came out as an embarrassing croak. "Of course you don't." He regretted the words immediately after they fell from his lips. He was so sure that he had ruined everything and things would never be the same again.

What was wrong with you? No matter how much you wanted to tell him you just couldn't. "Max," he admired the way his name fell from your soft lips. You continued to smooth his hair out of his face and he hummed in contentment, his eyes still closed. "You're so sleepy. Please, let me take you to bed." you whispered and Max barely moved. You called his name one more time and he opened his eyes the slightest. You pulled him up and wrapped an arm around his body. Despite him being much bigger than you, you somehow managed to navigate the drunk and hurting man the corridor and into his master bedroom. He slumped onto his king sized bed and you gently tucked him under the blankets. He mumbled something incoherent, reaching out and making grabby fists. He wanted you.

"Lay with me," he mumbled, trying to pull you down on top of him. You wanted to but you weren't even sure if you could stay at the penthouse after his revelation. You hadn't even shared a bed with Maxwell, and now suddenly he was requesting that you lay with him?

"I have to go." you whispered, running your fingers through his hair and pushing his bangs out of his face.

"No." he mumbled, but he was already half sleep. You planted a gentle kiss on his forehead before stepping back.

You had genuine trouble trying to process what just happened and why it happened. Maxwell trusted you. He shared with you a family secret that nobody else knew, and all because he was in love with you. You were perplexed.

Before you could leave his bedroom, you were greeted with your reflection in the mirror. Your hair was a mess, your ballgown was ruined and your makeup was tear stained. You padded into Maxwell's closet and took out one of his shirts and tailored suit pants. That man desperately needed to get a pair of normal casual clothes and fast. You tried them on, not minding the way they fit your body. You could've gone all out, finding a belt or a pair of suspenders to clip onto the light grey pants, but you decided against it. You pushed your hair out of your face and padded into the en-suite to wash your face. You didn't look much better, and you figured you probably just need a good night sleep. At least this way, no one would recognise you. You were almost certain the press would still be walking the streets looking for you and Maxwell. You actually kinda liked wearing Max's clothes, although there was no doubt in your mind that they looked better on him than you.

The streets were freezing and filled with thick snow. You regretted not taking one of Maxwell's suit jackets or warm winter coats but nevertheless you shivered all the way home. Your feet were like bricks of ice by the time you got back to your apartment. As you walked up the flights of stairs, digging into your purse for your keys, you were greeted with an unwelcome visitor. Tristan.

"Maxwell Lord," he deadpanned, standing in front of your door. You paused, looking at him hesitantly. "What the fuck do you think you're playing at?" Tristan snarled.

"What do you mean?" you asked innocently.

"You were on national television!" Tristan accused. "You and him, and a bunch of other snobby business pricks. Bruce fucking Wayne too… and the president!"

You rolled your eyes. "Tristan, it's late. Please move so I can enter my apartment and go to bed." You reached out to press your key into the lock when Tristan's large hand grabbed your wrist, his fingernails digging into your skin. You winced, trying to flinch back but he wouldn't let go, and suddenly the memories came flooding back. "Tristan," you gritted out. "Fucking let me go."

"I sold your apartment." Tristan spat.

"What?" you gasped, tears filling your eyes. "But I paid rent!"

"You're fucking around with Maxwell Lord, aren't you?" He growled.

"Who I fuck around with is none of your business! Now. Let. Me. Go." you tried pulling yourself away from Tristan but his grip around you only tightened. You squealed when he slammed you into the door. "You're going to wake the neighbours." You hissed trying desperately to keep your cool. You didn't want to seem weak. You weren't weak. You had this under control.

"Let's go somewhere more private then." Tristan smirked, dragging you unwillingly to his own apartment and locking the door behind him. "Now you tell me right now what the fuck is going on between you two."

"Or what?" You snapped back. "What the hell are you gonna do?"

"Is he your boyfriend?" Tristan quizzed.

"He's a friend." you glared at him, backing away everytime he took a step bearing you.

"A friend," Tristan repeated with a scoff of disbelief. "Just like you said on television."

You wondered how much of the gala and the interview outside had been televised but now wasn't the time to ask questions. You knew Maxwell had the power to rid you of Tristan. If he knew about the awful things Tristan had done to you and the way he had hurt you… well, Tristan may as well have had a death wish.

"Jesus Christ Tristan can you just let me go home?" you sighed, rubbing your eyes tiredly.

"I knew you were struggling with rent. I knew you had been laid off from work and it's Christmas coming up… if you had just told me you were struggling I would've made a negotiation." Tristan shook his head shamefully. "But no."

"Negotiate?" you questioned in disbelief. "You're a fucking manipulator!"

"And you're a fucking whore!" Tristan screamed, towering over you, his cheeks turning bright red with rage. "You know, I really didn't think you had it in you. Fucking around with some big CEO who thinks he's a hotshot."

"And what are you supposed to be?" you exhaled shakily, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. His words stung. "Maxwell… he cares about me. You never gave a shit about me."

"You think he cares about you? You seriously think Maxwell Lord cares about anyone other than himself?" Tristan barked. "He has you wrapped around your finger. I thought you were smarter than this."

"You don't know him the way I do." you smiled bravely. Fuck, you really did love him. And you needed him now more than ever. You knew that he was just a phone call away and if you told him you were in danger he would come running to rescue you with his whole team of security. If only you had just stayed with him. If only you had just decided to lay next to him, curled up in his arms in his warm bed.

"So you are fucking him?" Tristan scrunched his nose up and looked at you with disgust. He double checked the door was locked and put his key in his pocket before walking over to his bedroom. "You can sleep on the floor like the whore you are." Tristan laughed before going into his bedroom and shutting the door.

Once he was gone, you were left standing in the middle of your ex boyfriend's apartment feeling small and helpless. You didn't know what to do or where to go. You didn't even have Maxwell's number memorised so you couldn't call him. You let the tears free fall as you glanced between the locked door and the windows that you knew you couldn't squeeze out of even if you tried. You were trapped in a place that has brought back so much fear, and you didn't know what to do. You didn't know what tomorrow would hold.

You could barely sleep, the December cold hanging over your body like an icicle. You would give anything to be in the warmth of Maxwell's penthouse. God, you'd give anything just to be with Maxwell. You needed him.

The next morning, Maxwell woke up groggy, and his butler, Kenneth, was already waiting by his bed holding a platter of French toast, cup of black coffee and a glass of water. "Good morning sir," he greeted. "Your hangover breakfast, as requested."

Maxwell rubbed his eyes and shuffled upwards in bed as Kenneth placed the silver tray on his lap. It smelled delicious but he couldn't help but wish you were there to share it with him. He imagined you laying next to him in bed, giving him sleepy kisses while Kenneth presented you with your favourite breakfast meal; waffles and berries. The perfect life.

That's when Maxwell remembered. He practically three the breakfast on the floor and dived out of bed, still in his clothes from the night before. He caught a glimpse of your gala gown in the entryway of his closet and his heart sank in his chest. The memories came flooding back. He told you he loved you, but he didn't remember you saying it back.

"Have you seen Y/N?" Maxwell asked hurriedly, trying to weigh up what time you must have left. He quickly tore open his shirt and grabbed a clean one out of the closet.

Kenneth stood there awkwardly watching his boss work up a frenzy. "Uh no sir," he replied. "So I gather you won't be eating breakfast?" Kenneth's gaze flicked from Maxwell to the mess of French toast and spilled coffee that was sure to stain the cream coloured carpet.

"Shit no, sorry Kenneth. Could you call Jeeves and have him drive me to her apartment? I have to see her." Maxwell asked as he buttoned up the top of his dress shirt.

"Right away sir, but there's something I think you must see first." Kenneth swapped out the usual business newspaper that Maxwell would read for a glossy red-top tabloid magazine.

"You know I don't read that bullshit." Maxwell sighed, quickly combing his hair and trying his best to style it into place given the stressful circumstances. He wasn't going to forget to spritz his cologne either.

"Sir…." Kenneth drew out again, flashing the cover in Maxwell's direction. Maxwell caught a glimpse of it and his heart stopped. Front page was an image of you trending through the thick snow in the dead of night wearing Maxwell's clothes. The headline was explicitly disgusting, shaming you in every way possible. Maxwell's lips parted as he drunk in your appearance and he was horrified as he read the mean words the journalists had wrote about you.

"She cannot see this. I want you to buy every copy of this god forsaken tabloid and have them all destroyed. You understand?" Maxwell ordered, slamming his black business credit card into the chest of Kenneth. "Get the rest of the house staff to help you and do it fast."

"No worries sir," Kenneth smiled. "Jeeves is waiting for you outside."

Maxwell nodded appreciatevely as he tied his shoelaces. "Thanks."

"Sir?" Kenneth asked timidly.

"Yeah?" Maxwell asked, semi breathless.

"When you're with her, I see your face light up. I see the same happiness in you that I once saw in your father." Kenneth admitted and Maxwell's heart blossomed at the comparison. "When you get her, please don't ever let her go."

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added)!

December Magic: @100layersofdaddyissues @mrschiltoncat @thisisthe-wayson @this-cat-is-dea @blonde2bomshell @maiyaaaa0130 @autumnleaves1991-blog @justanotherblonde23

Permanent: @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @luvzoria @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos @rocketqueen @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @dybalalover10 @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth

[safertokiss]

There’s No One Else

A/N: Heyooo! I loved this request so of course I had to write something for it. It’s my first MGG fic, but it was super fun to write and I plan to do more fics for his other roles. Thanks for the support and all the kind words!<3 P.S. I decided to try out 2nd person in this one.

Request: “Can you do an angst/smut with Matthew but it's the set of criminal minds and they are shooting a scene and reader likes Matthew but she is keeping it a secret? sorry if that didn't make any sense. I love your writing!!” ( @victomizedbyreginageorge )

Pairing: MATTHEW GRAY GUBLERx FEM! READER

Category: SMUT, slight angst, and of course fluff

Word Count: 5.2k

ENJOY!:)

~~~

MASTERLIST

~~~

Ever since you were a child, you knew that you were destined to be on the set of a production studio, surrounded by the biggest stars the business had to offer. Granted, you had always assumed you’d be the one in front of the camera rather than behind, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers in this world.

 It’s not that you disliked being Khalia Dark’s assistant. She was a world renown celebrity, loved by all who were graced with her presence, from afar that is. Anyone who had the “honor” to get up close and personal with her, yourself included, knew she wasn’t the sweetest of the bunch. If you were to use your own words, she was a mythic bitch. Adored by millions, envied by more, which was pretty much the case for all of the A-listers out here anyway. Although you could do without the woman being in your vicinity, you didn’t mind being her servant most of the time.

More often than not you were certain she forgot about your existence all together, which usually gave you a chance to breathe for a bit. While your job brought about many positives for yourself, for example the extensive knowledge of posh coffees that you would have memorized for life, the highlight of the endeavor was without a doubt the exclusive access to the extravagant movie and TV sets that the queen bee happened to be appearing in each given week. Today, much to your excitement, was one of those days. Usually movies were more her forte so it was always a nice, refreshing change when she booked a role for the small screen. 

Her newest conquest in the industry just happened to be one of your favorite shows to have ever aired, Criminal Minds. Of course you were trying to remain professional, but it became increasingly difficult the closer you got to the studio lot’s entrance. The child in you was screaming with joy at the prospect of being there, surrounded by some of your favorite actors and actresses in the industry. You couldn’t even consider the possibility that you would get to meet Matthew Gray Gubler, the object of your affections for as long as you had been watching the show. That simply was a no go. You were positive that if at any point in time he was in your vicinity, you would simply lose consciousness, and that wouldn’t exactly be the best first impression. The further you walked onto the set, the more amazed you were. You were so familiar with it after years of watching, it just felt like a second home. After breaking out of your stupor, you quickly spun around to try and locate your boss, immediately colliding with whatever was in front of you, letting out a small “oomf”. Well. Whoever.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying atten-.”

You immediately froze mid-sentence when your eyes caught up with your actions. Fuck. This is not happening. It was him. Standing less than a foot away from you was the one and only Mr. Matthew Gray Gubler, live and in the flesh. Fucking hell.

“Hey it’s no problem, I promise. Don’t worry about it. I’m not exactly the most coordinated person on the planet either, trust me”, he said, chuckling lightly. Running a hand through his unkempt curls, he momentarily let his eyes roam your frame before seemingly snapping out of it, clearing his throat and extending one of his strong looking hands towards you.

“I’m Matthew by the way.”

You, however, were still frozen in place. Realizing how stupid you looked just standing there, openly ogling the man in front of you, you quickly met his hand, a nervous smile adorning your face. His hands were so fucking soft.

Chuckling once again, he seemed to be waiting for something.

“And you are?”

Oh shit. You hadn’t even introduced yourself yet! So much for first impressions you thought.

“O-oh right! Sorry. I'm Y/N. Ms. Dark’s assistant”, you stuttered out, entranced by the specimen in front of you. “Wow, that’s a beautiful name. Well I guess it’s fitting. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

Wait a second. Had you heard those words correctly. THE Matthew Gray Gubler just called you beautiful? You must’ve been dreaming, there was simply no other explanation. But when you glanced at him he was once again trailing his eyes all over you. Holy shit. You thought you were going to implode on the spot.

“Th-thank you”, you muttered shyly, feeling the blush spread across your features faster than a wildfire in a dry forest. After your weak excuse of an answer left your lips, the two of you just continued to stare at each other for what felt like hours. Eventually you were broken out of your trance by the director calling all of the actors to their places across the lot.

“I-um-I gotta go do a scene, but it was a pleasure to meet you Y/N. I hope I get to see more of you around here.” With a quick wink in my direction, he was off in the direction of the other actors swarming to the set from their trailers. For the third time in the last five minutes you were frozen to the spot in which you stood on the pavement. What in the actual fuck just happened? He called you beautiful. He wants to see more of you. HE WINKED AT YOU. This time you felt like you were truly about to lose consciousness so you booked it to the bathroom to calm yourself. After splashing some water on your face, you felt your body temperature returning to a somewhat normal degree and decided you should probably go to the set in case the Queen of Hearts needed anything from you. 

When you approached the scene that was being filmed, you were able to deduct fairly quickly what the plot revolved around. Apparently Khalia had been hired as the episode’s damsel in distress victim, typical. She was definitely the type to rely on others for pretty much anything. That wasn’t what was catching your eye though. Even from where you were standing you could clearly see her making eyes at Matthew. I guess you couldn’t blame her, he was gorgeous, but it still made you feel so insecure. It really just served as a reminder that people like him would never go after people like you. They want the ones who count. They want Ms. Khalia Dark. In what world would someone like him want a nobody like Y/N Y/L/N? There wasn’t one that came to mind. And while this revelation was pretty damn heartbreaking, you couldn’t say you were shocked by the cold, hard truth.

Feeling like you had lost a war that hadn’t ever really even begun, you turned back to look at Matthew, deciding to make the most of however short the time was that you’d be here. However, he was nowhere to be seen. You quickly realized that while you had been distracted, the scene had switched to something else, one where Matthew appeared to be absent.

“Hey again!”

You literally jumped off the ground and let out a little yelp at the noise, you were so startled.

“Oops, I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart,” he got out between adorable giggles. Damn, this man was gonna be the death of you. Literally. If he scared you like that again, you might actually have a heart attack.

“Jesus Matthew! A little warning next time!” You couldn’t help but join in his giggling after a few seconds. Returning his gesture just made the two of you laugh even harder until both of your chests hurt like hell. His laugh was angelic. Perfect. Just like him. For some reason, after you guys had calmed down a bit, you noticed him once again looking you up and down, admiring your body. You even swore you saw him lick his lips. You must be imagining things. Weird. Very weird. Bringing his wandering eyes back to yours, a goofy grin was plastered across his face. You hadn’t even realized you were biting your lip until he reached towards you, dislodging your teeth from the soft skin. “Don’t do that,” he said with a much more serious expression adorning his features. Before you really had the chance to decipher what had just happened, a loud voice cut through the air directed towards you both, causing you to put a bit of space between the two of you. You were able to easily recognize the sultry voice as Shemar’s, turning towards him, a smirk on his face.

“What’s going on that’s so funny over here,” he questioned before his attention shifted to focus solely on you. “My, my. And what’s your name sugar?” You were starstruck for what felt like the thousandth time that day, standing there with your mouth awkwardly hanging open.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. I work for Kahlia, her assistant actually. Nice to meet you”, you answered brightly, a polite smile gracing your lips.

“Trust me, the pleasure is all mine sweetness”, he concluded with a wink. While the action was endearing, it had nowhere near the same effect on you as Matthew’s did. You had always adored Morgan on the show, but you didn’t really know Shemar well enough to have any serious opinions about the dude. Matthew, however, you knew everything there was to be known, from his haunted treehouse to his love of Halloween. You weren’t proud of your obsession, but you couldn’t deny the unbelievably strong attraction you had for the man to your left. Regardless, the interaction caused a blush to spread, though this time it was caused more by being flustered rather than speechless. 

You were about to say something else to try and salvage some of the pride you had just lost, but you were beaten to the punch by Romeo himself. 

“Nothing’s happening over here actually, Shemar. I was having a private conversation with Y/N and I’d appreciate it if you let us get back to it. Thank you.” Matthew’s voice had picked up an edge and his eyes were dark. Like really dark. Although the situation was super uncomfortable and kind of unsettling, considering how feral he looked, you couldn’t help to think about how HOT it was. How hot he was.

“Woah, sorry kid. I didn’t mean to interrupt, just thought I’d introduce myself.”

Seeming to notice his mistakes, Matthew’s eyes quickly returned to their normal color and he stuttered out an apology, with slightly labored breaths.

“No, no I’m sorry man. I didn’t mean to snap like that, just been kind of on edge today”, he said, darting his eyes towards you quickly before redirecting his attention and clearing his throat.

“It’s all good Pretty Ricky, I get like that sometimes too. I’ll catch you guys later. It was nice to meet you Y/N”, he spoke before turning and retreating in the direction of the cast trailers. Shifting your focus back to Matthew, you could tell he was still a bit tense. You gently placed your hand on his shoulder to grab his attention, quietly asking if he was ok.

“Hmm what? Oh, um yeah. Yup. I’m-I’m good. All good. Like I said just a little on edge today. I haven’t had enough coffee”, he hastily responded. Before you could push further, the silence was broken by a shrill voice you were too familiar with, Khalia, unfortunately calling for your assistance at one of the most inopportune times. You turned back to him and gave a sad smile.

“See you around,” you asked, with just a little too much excitement laced in your voice.

“Y-yeah. Of course!” He seemed to have perked up a bit and gave you a wide grin. With a small wave, you were off to do whatever in God’s name the queen wanted from you now.

~~~

The week you were on set was surprisingly going by pretty damn quickly.

As much as you were anxiously awaiting the end so you could be free from Khalia for a bit of time, you couldn’t help but lament the fact that you would have to leave what felt like your second home. You would have to leave Matthew. That’s what hurt most of all. The two of you had become quite close in the short time you had been on set. Well, maybe not close per say, but comfortable? Sure. You guys were comfortable with each other, maybe a little too much on your end. Since that moment with Shemar and his outburst, the tenseness never seemed to dissipate completely. The two of you had shared some quick glances while he was filming a scene or while you were navigating the complex maze that was this sound stage. Whenever the two of you were near each other, he always appeared to go out of his way to get some kind of contact with you, whether it was his shoulder rubbing against yours or his fingers brushing yours as he passed by you. You, still in the mindset that someone as amazing and talented as him would never want anything to do you with you, didn’t really think much of his actions, simply playing them off as accidents and coincidences. 

Although you caught him staring at you on more than one occasion during your time there, you definitely spent the majority of your time ogling the fine specimen. You didn’t understand how a person could be so perfect. Seemingly no flaws. Sure, you had known pretty much every fun fact about the man when you had arrived on set a couple days ago, but now that you had spent some time with him, you were even more enamored. Matthew was an enigma and you wanted him. So fucking bad. Unfortunately, so did basically every other girl on the planet. You really shouldn’t be wasting so much time thinking about him, but at this point you were just in too deep. Watching him do his thing on the sound stage was like watching your own personal exhibition, so much talent pouring out of him he shouldn’t have even been allowed to do what he does. The world would certainly be a lot darker without his geniusness though so you supposed it was ok. As the scene you had been watching came to a close, you decided you really wanted to talk to Matthew again, missing the sound of his velvety voice as he focused on you and only you during the few conversations you’d gotten to have so far. Just as you were about to reach him, though, Khalia appeared out of nowhere directly in front of him with the same look in her eyes she had given him your first day on set. Hunger. You didn’t really know what to do now so you just kind of stood there watching the interaction. The conversation was just out of range, but you could tell she had said something that had made them both laugh. You also watched her place her hands on him in a very flirty way. And much to your dismay, he didn’t seem to be that bothered by it.

You knew that you had absolutely no right to be jealous of her advances, seeing there was nothing between the two of you, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt. You had known all along that he didn’t have those kinds of feelings for you, but the cold, hard truth being presented on a silver platter right in your face sucked. A whole hell of a lot. Deciding to leave the two of them to enjoy their moment, you turned and made your way to the snack table on the opposite side of the room. As you got closer, you noticed Shemar lingering around it, seemingly snacking on something among the array of treats presented on the table.

“Hey. Nice to see you again”, you said with a small smile, alerting him of your presence.

You had gotten a bit closer to him over the last few days, getting to know more about him, rather than just his character. He was a really nice guy. Very charming, much like his TV counterpart. 

“Y/N! Hey! How are you today?”

“I’m ok. Not one of the best, but hey I’m alive I guess”, you said with a sad smile. Worry quickly spreading across his face, he pulled you into a hug, gently caressing your back.

“Hey don’t say that babydoll. It might not be the best of days, but everyday is worth living in my eyes. We’re all so lucky to be given the chance to be here so why not say fuck it and make everyday a party.” You pulled away from him chuckling at his words, feeling slightly better than you had before. You were grateful for Shemar helping you out when you needed a mood boost.

“Thanks Shemar. You sure know how to make a girl feel better.” 

“Anytime baby girl”, he said with a wink, making you giggle again at his silly nicknames and behavior towards you. A little bit more at ease, you let your eyes survey the room real quick, eventually landing on Matthew. A very angry and annoyed looking Matthew. He was staring directly at the two of you, his hands balled into fists at his sides, his breathing heavy, his eyes as dark as could be. Less than a minute later, he turned around and stormed off in the direction of what you assumed was his trailer. Quickly focusing on Shemar again, you excused yourself and then immediately ran off in the direction he had headed just moments before.

You were able to locate the trailer simply labeled “MGG” fairly quickly and you cautiously approached the steps leading up to the entrance. Would he even want to see you? Why were you special enough to even be this close to his trailer? Before you could second guess yourself anymore, you speedily climbed the steps and knocked on the door, an action based solely on the fact he was without a doubt upset about something and apparently it was your fault to some degree.

You heard some rustling behind the door before his voice rang out.

“Who is it?”

Shit. He sounded really upset. Pushing aside the anxiety bubbling in your chest, you decided that you were curious more than anything and wanted to know what you had done to get his panties in such a twist.

“I-It’s Y/N.”

Immediately the door swung open, making you jump slightly. Without saying a word, he grabbed your arm and dragged you over the threshold, handling you like a rag-doll. Once you were inside he released your arm and began pacing around the trailer, breathing pretty heavily. Maybe it was a mistake coming here. You thought you should probably go and leave him alone for a bit so he could cool off.

“I-I shouldn’t have come here. I’ll leave you be”, you sputtered out, quickly making your way towards the exit. However, before you could even reach the door, his deep voice echoed through the trailer.

“Why did you let him touch you like that?”

You froze mid-step, unsure of how to respond. “Huh?” Wow, nice going Y/N. Really scraped the dictionaries for that one.

“Shemar. Why did you let him put his hands on you and touch you like that?” As he spoke his question, he slowly moved towards you, like a predator eyeing its prey. What was he talking about? Why did he care that you and Shemar had shared a brief hug? And most perplexing of all, why in the hell was he looking at you with such fire in his eyes.

“I-I don’t know what you mean Matthew.”

After his name fell from your lips, you saw his mouth twitch as he moved to close the gap between the two of you, leaving just enough space that your breaths intermingled, but no actual physical contact was occuring. 

“You’re mine, Y/N. You. Are. Mine.” What did he just say? Were you imagining this whole situation in some sick dream of yours? Your brain was struggling to catch up.

“What are you even talki-.”

Before you could finish your sentence, Matthew had surged forward, clashing his mouth against yours, hungrily devouring your lips like they were his favorite meal. You moaned at the contact, letting the shock envelope your entire body. He was ravenous, tongue pressing against your lips, begging for entry. Finally processing what the hell was happening, your mouth quickly opened and welcomed his needy tongue, feeling it tangle with yours as he released the most delicious moan you had ever heard in all the years you had been alive. His hands moved frantically, hastily ripping at the clothes covering your body, desperate to feel any part of you that he could. 

You couldn’t even comprehend how this was happening. Matthew wanted you? Not only did he want you, but he was acting on it too. Fuck. He had said you were his. Did he really mean that?

Breaking away from your lips to pull your blouse over your head, you could’ve sworn you heard a growl escape his throat as his eyes hungrily drank in your appearance, left only in your bra and panties. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous. How are you so fucking hot?” Holy shit. The pure lust that dripped in his words made your legs feel like Jell-O, barely keeping it together as he shed his own shirt and began unbuckling his belt. Apparently that was what caused the wire in your brain to snap, your body surging forward to reconnect your lips and rake your nails down his chest.

“Please Matthew”, you whined, not even entirely sure what you wanted him to do. You just needed more.

Groaning at the desperation evident in your voice, he let his hand drift down your body, toying with the waistband of your panties. “Please what? What do you want from me, sweetheart?” His words made you whimper, grasping his hand to try and maneuver it underneath the damp fabric covering the place you needed him most.

“Uh uh uh. I want you to use your words princess. You can do that for me can’t you?”

Nodding your head fervently, you pushed aside any embarrassment you felt and answered almost immediately as the words left his mouth. “I want you to touch me! Please Matthew, I’m begging you!” As soon as you finished your desperate plea, his nimble fingers had ripped your panties down your legs and he was guiding you towards the couch conveniently located nearby. The two of you stumbled onto the cushions, Matthew hovering over you pinning you down, his large erection pressing into your thigh through his pants. You choked on a breath as one of his long, narrow fingers entered you swiftly, pumping in and out of you at a brutal pace, soon followed by two more. You were a whimpering mess as Matthew had his way with you, perfectly curling his fingers to hit your special spot over and over again. You needed him inside of you now or you were gonna explode.

“You’re so wet sweetheart. This all for me”, he questioned cockily, savoring the sounds pouring from your lips, cherishing the way your body writhed underneath his. 

“Yes Matthew! It’s all for you. Only you”, your words were accompanied by a long, drawn out moan. 

“Good girl”, he growled as his fingers picked up their pace, pushing you dangerously close to the edge. Matthew must have picked up on the fact based on the way your muscles were clenching around his digits and the way your breath was becoming more and more labored. 

“That’s it, baby. Come for me, little girl. Come all over my fingers.” His graphic words made your eyes roll back in your head as you felt your orgasm crash through your body, Matthew continuing his ministrations throughout the entirety of it. As you came down from your high and opened your eyes, you were met with the beautiful vision of Matthew sucking your juices off of himself, staring intently at you with lust-filled eyes. “Mmmm, so fucking sweet baby”, he moaned as he licked the last bit away. Realizing you simply couldn’t wait any longer, you grabbed onto his forearm, pulling him to you as close as physically possible. 

“Matthew I need you inside of me right now. Please. Please, I need you.” You felt like you were on the verge of crying, you were so damn desperate for him. You didn’t miss the way his eyes instantly darkened even more after hearing you beg him to fuck you so viscerally. 

“Baby, I really want to feel you bouncing on my cock. Can you do that? Can you ride me like a good girl, sweetheart?”

Not even bothering to answer his questioning, you mustered up all of your strength to push him up and off of you, allowing yourself to straddle him on one of the cushions. You made quick work unzipping his pants and signalling for him to lift up his hips, allowing you to hastily pull down both his slacks and boxers in one go. God, you were so fucking horny and needy for the man in front of you, you felt like you were going insane. Actually, scratch that. You were already long gone. Finally having removed the last barrier between the two of you, his strong hands grabbed your hips and positioned you over his throbbing cock, slowly letting you lower yourself down. Both of you released matching groans at the overwhelming feeling. 

“Fuck, princess. You feel so fucking amazing”, he moaned before gently grasping your hips, encouraging you to start moving. You couldn’t control the string of whimpers that escaped your mouth as you started circling your hips, gradually picking up your pace. It felt so fucking good, incomparible to anything you had ever felt before. As your speed increased and he began thrusting upwards to meet you, his hands reached behind you, finding the clasp of your bra, practically ripping the garment off of your body. Without any barrier blocking your breasts, he sat back and ogled you as they bounced in sync with your rapid movements, eventually needing more and grabbing the pillowy flesh with his wandering hands. The stimulation only made you move faster, desperate for the addicting friction that you could feel radiating throughout your whole being. You felt Matthew’s grip on your hips tighten exponentially, in order to get your undivided attention. 

“I bet you thought you looked real cute flirting with him like that, didn’t you princess”, he sputtered, his voice strained and hoarse. The sound of it made your insides quiver even more.

“I-I wasn’t f-flirting. I w-was just being n-nice”, you stammered, feeling your climax slowly building more and more with each thrust. He growled and immediately picked up the pace, speaking his next words clearly for you to understand. “That’s bullshit baby and you know it. Do you really think he could fuck you like this, sweetheart? Do you think his cock could fill you up this perfectly? Make you feel the way I do?” 

“N-Noooo! No, of course not. I only want you!” You were a moaning, whimpering mess as you gripped his shoulders trying to maintain your balance, his thrusts launching you into a whole other universe. “What was that, little girl? I couldn’t really hear you.”

“Fuck! Matthew! I only want you! There’s no one else!” You couldn’t control yourself any longer. You lost the ability to move as he wrapped his arms around your waist, slamming into you so fucking hard you swore you could see stars. 

“There better fucking not be, little girl. You are mine, sweetheart. All fucking mine. Mine!” His words make the chord in your stomach snap, your climax overtaking your body dangerously fast. “MATTHEW!” Your vision was spotty, muscles clenched incredibly tight, when you felt his cock start to twitch violently inside of you. 

“Fuck! Y/N! Oh my god!” As soon as the words left his mouth, you felt his cum fill you up completely, warmth radiating throughout your body as his dick pulsated inside of you. 

You collapsed against his sweaty frame, holding on for dear life. “Matthew, Matthew, Matthew”, you muttered as you fought to regulate your breathing. Both of you were shaking, thanks to the world-shattering orgasams you had just experienced, his hands gently rubbing your back, soothing you. “Shhhhhh, breathe little girl”, he whispered so warmly it made butterflies bloom in your stomach, a stark contrast to the way he was speaking moments ago. 

Pulling yourself upright, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his. After a few seconds had passed, a huge grin slowly formed on his beautiful face, letting out a light giggle. “Hey.”

Feeling a smile form on your own face from his silliness, you couldn’t help but fall for him even more. “Hi”, you shyly responded, reaching up to poke the dimple that was visible on his face, giggling when he playfully stuck his tongue out, trying to reach your finger with it. Completely absorbed in the moment, you had forgotten that he was still inside of you and you were probably hurting him, not that he was gonna complain. You slowly lifted yourself off of him, both of you wincing slightly at the sensation. He immediately pulled you back to him afterwards and continued to rub your back like he had before. It was so comforting, you were scared you were gonna fall asleep in his lap, which you pretty quickly concluded wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, noticing the way his eyes seemed to droop as well.

As you felt yourself starting to drift off, you heard his soothing voice near your ear. “I’m really sorry I got so rough Y/N. I didn’t mean to act like that. I just got so jealous seeing you with him and I didn’t know how to control my emotions. I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt.” He sounded genuinely sad when he spoke, the guilt evident in his quiet voice.

“Matthew, baby, don’t be sorry, ok? I really enjoyed every second of it, I promise. As for Shemar...you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I’ve only ever had eyes for you. You’re kind of stuck with me Gube.” You felt the chuckle vibrate through his body at your words and you lazily smiled against his chest.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” You heard him hesitate and you wondered if he was going to finish his thought, hopefully before you knocked out cold. “Would you-would you maybe want to go out with me this weekend? Like on a-a date? You felt your heart swell in your chest at his question and slowly nodded against him. 

“I would love that, Matthew.”

Cherishing the feeling of holding each other in your arms, the two of you quickly succumbed to the drowsiness, falling into the most comfortable slumber you had ever experienced.

Tag List: @hopebaker​ @pastathighs​ @psychedellic-phase​ @gloryekaterina​ @sleepysnapesnake​ @racharr​ @etherealgubler​ @furiouspartyrebelhoagie​ @andiebeaword​ @liaabsurd​ @cielo1984​ @starkeybaby​ @rainsong01​ @moonlight-jukebox ​ @victomizedbyreginageorge

[iclaimedtobethebetterbard]

stars in the sk(eyes)

Fandom: Sanders Sides Characters: Logan, Virgil, Roman, Remus, Janus, Patton Rating: Teen & up Relationships: Analogical, background Intrualiceit Warnings: Language, food, like 1 line that’s maybe suggestive but also said half-jokingly Word count: 5592

Read on AO3!

My writing masterpost

Starlight Universe masterpost

analogical week 2021 start - previous - here - next - masterpost

Summary: Logan has always loved stars. Virgil has always loved music. Maybe they can put those together with a little help from some friends.

Notes: Day 2 of Analogical Week 2021! @analogicalweek Takes place in my Starlight Universe, does not need context to read.  Patton, Janus, and Remus are all nonbinary folks who use he/they pronouns and masculine terms in this universe (but in the flashback scene, Janus is only using they/them); Roman, Logan, and Virgil are all men who use he/him. (I know absolutely nothing about music or concerts or anything, so please don't roast me too hard for any inaccuracies, lol.)

They were only opening the concert; the real attraction was a band from out of town with a midsize following, making a stop on their tour. Not that Virgil was complaining to have landed this gig. It would be the biggest performance his band—the band he, Janus, and the twins had formed a few years ago—had given, by a lot. And that was exciting. Sure, Virgil had absolutely spent hours stressing over how big it was, but he knew how to manage his anxiety, especially when it came to performances, and the anxiety didn’t stop the excitement.

“You’re going to do wonderfully,” Logan had told him earlier that day as he’d been getting dressed, passing his fingerless leather gloves and then holding his jacket for him to slide into. He’d spoken it with a simple, unassuming confidence, as if it were a given fact. It had been more comforting than Virgil thought Logan knew.

With the memory of his husband’s words carefully nestled against his heart, and the jacket Logan had helped him paint rainbow stripes on sitting on his shoulders, Virgil found it easier to let go of the anxiety. Some lingering tension remained as he paced backstage, running through lyrics in his head and triple checking that everyone knew the schedule, but it wasn’t as bad as usual. Most of it, if he was being honest with himself, wasn’t even about the performance—it was about the surprise the band had put together, the surprise Virgil had had to bite his tongue a couple of times to keep himself from thoughtlessly mentioning it to Logan, even though the surprise had been almost entirely his own idea and the others were just helping. But he’d successfully kept the secret, and now Logan was out in the audience, and Virgil was backstage, and there would be no more chances to spoil it.

But Logan was out in the audience, and Virgil was backstage, and the final round of jitters was setting in. And when Logan wasn’t there, Virgil’s jitters took the form of pestering the hell out of everyone in the room, to make sure everything was perfect.

He checked all the instruments, giving Janus’s keyboard a once-over without touching because he knew better by this point. Remus’s drumset was already on the stage—he was drumming with his fingers on the end of the fallout table in the corner—so there was nothing to do about that. Roman was actively tuning his guitar, so Virgil left that alone too and instead checked his bass, just in case it had gotten out of tune in the last thirty seconds.

All of the instruments were fine, great, even, and Remus and Roman were undeniably being productive; Janus, who’d been on their phone in the corner, had stepped out for just a moment, probably to get a drink of water or something.

Things were in order. Which was good. Great, even. But it gave Virgil nothing to do with his restless energy.

“Are we ready?” he asked, jiggling his leg and tracing the pattern of his fishnet tights through one of the large rips in his jeans.

Roman looked up. “Yes,” he said shortly. Roman’s nerves tended to take the form of a very short temper, which didn’t mix well with Virgil’s perfectionism.

“Yeah,” Remus agreed, running a hand through his dark green curls and straightening his denim jacket.

“We all know the order things go in?” Virgil followed up after a minute of tense silence.

“Mmhm,” Remus said easily. Remus, and Remus alone, somehow always managed to remain at ease and unbothered no matter what. Virgil didn’t know how they did it.

Virgil took stock of everyone’s outfits. He himself was wearing fishnet leggings that went all the way up past his waist. Over them he had ripped black skinny jean, and a black crop top splattered with white paint. On top of that, he wore his black denim jacket, which matched the ones the other three were wearing. Virgil’s had the rainbow pride flag painted on the front, all down the lapel area; the rest of the jacket was covered in patches. He checked his makeup, examining the black eyeshadow and lipstick in his phone’s camera; it looked fine. Perfect, even.

Roman was the neatest of the group, made to stand out as the lead singer. He wore the same high-heeled doc martens as the other three, but in white where theirs were all black. He had a tight white longsleeve shirt made of a shimmery material and a matching pair of white pants, and the black jacket contrasting nicely against it all. Roman’s jacket had the aromantic pride flag where Virgil had the rainbow, and the rest of his jacket was painted with red roses all at the ends of long, intricate, thorny stems. His eyeliner was sharp enough to cut, and his curly hair was piled up atop a black headband wrapped around his forehead like a crown.

Janus still wasn’t back, but he’d been on the neater end too, to counter Virgil and especially Remus’s scruffiness. Their outfit was sleek and all black save for a thin white belt around their waist. A black hat with a broad round brim framed their face like a dark halo. His jacket had nonbinary and pan stripes on the front, and thin white squiggly lines running up and down like warped pinstripes everywhere else. (Virgil knew where on the jacket one line ended in a tiny snake head, and where one trailed off into a tail, but you wouldn’t notice unless you knew to look.) They were wearing black lipstick to match Virgil, and winged eyeliner to match Roman, and contour that emphasized the sharpness of his cheekbones; definitely the heaviest makeup of the group.

Remus, sitting in the corner and making noises to themself, was a sharp contrast to his boyfriend Janus’s sleek elegance. His black jeans, splattered with white paint to match Virgil’s crop top, were ripped almost to shreds, open nearly entirely from mid-thigh down to his ankles, with only a few clinging strands of fabric keeping them anywhere in the realm of being pants. The tee they wore—black again, with his own name painted on it in large white letters—was also ripped full of holes, these ones much more deliberate; he’d slashed it carefully with an exacto knife, kneeling on the ground and focusing with their tongue stuck out slightly, until it was exactly how he wanted it and you could catch glimpses of their top surgery scars when they moved. His makeup consisted of dramatic green and black eyeshadow, and his jacket had the trans and polyamorous flags on it—he and Janus, who had nearly identical collections of pride flags between them, had split two and two which color schemes they wanted to use. The rest of Remus’s jacket consisted of a few jagged holes and some incredibly detailed paintings of green tentacles.

The instruments were fine. The costumes were fine. The makeup was fine. What else did that leave for Virgil to fret over as the final minutes ticked away?

“How about the blocking?” Virgil said. “We can go over it again if anyone—”

“I promise we know, Virge,” Roman snapped.

“Come on, kiddo, you know he’s just trying to help!” piped up Patton, Janus and Remus’s other boyfriend, who was suddenly somehow present and sitting in Janus’s lap, his pastel outfit completely out of place amidst the varying edgy styles everyone else in the room was sporting.

“How did you get back here?” Roman and Virgil demanded in unison. Virgil hadn’t even noticed Janus was back, let alone that he’d brought Patton, who was supposed to be in the audience with Logan until the performance was over.

“Oops,” Janus said, not sounding even a tiny bit remorseful as they played with Patton’s dark curls.

“Did you leave Logan alone?” Virgil demanded of Patton, hands on his hips.

“Only for a minute! He’s getting snacks, anyway,” Patton said, wrapping his arms around Janus’s neck. “We both know where our seats are, he’ll be fine.”

“You already have a partner backstage, stop being greedy,” Roman scolded Janus. “Patton, you know we need to focus right now, can you please not distract my horny bandmates until after the show?”

“You sound like Virgil, with all that worrywarting,” Remus commented, snickering.

“Take that back this instant!” Roman demanded as Virgil gave Remus double birds.

Remus only guffawed, looking incredibly amused.

“Seriously, though, uh, Patton, with all the love in my heart: get out,” Virgil said.

Patton wrinkled his nose, but pressed a warm smack of a kiss to Janus’s cheek and hopped to his feet.

“Do I get a kiss?” Remus asked, reaching his arms out hopefully.

“Makeup—” Roman began warningly.

“I haven’t got any on my mouth!” Remus said triumphantly. “Suck it, Jan.”

Janus smiled wryly, fingers rising to but not quite touching their black lipstick that Patton had avoided so carefully. “The prices I pay for beauty.”

Patton giggled, crossing to Remus, clasping both his hands, and leaning down to kiss him sweetly.

“Great, you’re very very cute together but now is not the time, Patton get out and stop distracting your boyfriends,” Roman said, shooing Patton towards the door.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “High strung much?”

“Not all of us possess your—your stupid coolheadedness powers, Remus!” Roman snapped.

Patton paused in the doorway and pointed at Roman, getting out his dad voice. “Hey. Be nice.” The finger moved to Virgil. “Be nice.” His eyes flicked to Remus, then Janus, and his voice shifted to a different tone, half flirty and half joking. “You two be good boys.”

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god, I said to stop being horny!” Roman shrieked, chasing a giggling Patton out of the room and down the hall. He returned moments later, Patton-less and fixing at his hair to make sure it wasn’t too messy. “We had better not have any more alloromantic bullshit from any of you until after the show is over!” he announced. “Okay?” He didn’t sound quite as annoyed as before.

“Homophobia,” Remus accused teasingly.

But instead of snapping back, Roman giggled. “Oh, shut up.”

The twins began joking back and forth, Janus making the occasional amused interjection.  Evidently Patton’s intrusion into the room, although technically unhelpful, had done wonders to break the tension, and Virgil reminded himself to thank Patton later.

Virgil’s phone buzzed with a text from Logan.

Logan: Patton found me, don’t worry. Logan: How are you doing?

Virgil: hahahahahaaaa i don’t wanna think abt it

Logan began typing, then the little bubble went away; a second later, the phone began to ring, Logan’s caller ID plain to see.

“Hi, babe,” Virgil greeted.

“Hello, dear. Would you like to walk me through your plan for the performance, to reassure yourself?”

Virgil let out a small sigh of relief. “Yes, please.”

“I am listening,” Logan assured him.

Virgil took a deep breath and launched into a detailed itinerary, knowing that Logan didn’t mind if he got a little too technical in his terminology because Logan was listening for Virgil’s sake.

“And then that’s about it,” Virgil wound down, carefully leaving off the final item from his explanation. It wouldn’t do to spoil the surprise now. “Oh, looks like we’re getting ready now, gotta go.”

“I love you,” Logan said quickly. “You’re going to do a wonderful job.”

Virgil let out a short laugh. “Thanks, L. Love you too.” He hung up, set his phone down on the table, and picked up his bass.

“You ready?” Roman asked, nudging Virgil with his elbow, as the group finally headed towards the stage.

Virgil sucked in a long breath. “Yeah. I think so. Are you?”

“Oh, you know it!” Roman grinned, a spring in his step. He paused after a second and glanced back to Virgil. “Sorry for being so wound up earlier.”

“It happens.” Virgil shrugged. “Right back at you.”

Roman nodded and put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Hey. He’s going to love it. Just wait and see.”

Virgil looked away, half smiling. “I sure hope so.”

“He will, I know it!” Roman insisted as they climbed the steps onto the stage and emerged into what could practically have been the eye of a hurricane, for all the noise and light that surrounded the stage.

The sky above was fully dark; bright lights everywhere in the area contrasted against it. There was a decent crowd. The venue seemed almost full, as a matter of fact. The observation added a thrill of adrenaline to compliment the goosebumps from the chilly breeze across Virgil’s bare midriff.

Roman stepped forward and spread his arms wide right as the spotlights came up. “Hey, folks, thank you for being with us here tonight!” he said, his smile gleaming in the bright lights and his voice booming in the speakers. “We have some great hits lined up for you tonight! Let’s get it started, huh?”

Virgil waited a few seconds for the cheer of the crowd to peak. Janus began the melody on the keyboard; Virgil came in with his bass at exactly the same second Roman began to sing, and Remus picked up the beat on the drums on cue.

Virgil was quickly able to get lost in the music, all his focus on playing and providing backup vocals, leaving him with no more brain space for his anxiety. This was his favorite thing about music: its ability to keep him in the moment.

They played three songs. Two covers that always went over really well, and one song that the twins had written together about family that always left Roman just a little teary. Normally that would be their closing song.

But tonight was a little bit different.

Roman took a step back, nodding at Virgil; the pair of them traded places onstage, putting Virgil front and center.

“So,” Virgil said, the mic on his cheek picking up his words, “we were thinking we’d let you all be the first to hear our new song. Uh, I wrote this one. And normally Roman does our singing, because—well, you’ve heard his voice. But this song is kind of special. I wrote it for my husband. So. We thought I’d perform it tonight.”

As Janus began playing the melody, Virgil searched the front row of the crowd, squinting against the lights, until he found Logan, sitting next to Patton and gazing up at Virgil with shining eyes. “Lo, I love you so much, babe. More than every star you’ve ever shown me.” He took a deep breath and began to sing.

***

10 years earlier

Unknown Number: Hello. This is Janus. Logan’s roommate

Virgil: how’d u get this number?

Janus: I broke into Logan’s phone after you started dating and saved you to my contacts just in case

[read 3:43pm}

[3:46pm]

Virgil: i Virgil: wtf dude

Janus: Your boyfriend has been moping in his room all day, can you please come fix it? Janus: Roman is starting to mope too for no good reason, but he’s doing it in the living room and at this point it is starting to affect my quality of life

Virgil: yk i literally could not care less abt that part u asshole <3 Virgil: i’ll be over in 15 Virgil: is he ok?

Janus: He won’t talk to me, I don’t know what happened

Virgil: i’ll be over in 10

It was normally a 12-minute walk from the dorm Virgil was an RA in to Logan’s apartment just off campus, but Virgil could walk fast when he was anxious or alone, and in this case he was both. Even taking the time to grab a jacket, he still made it to the building in nine minutes flat.

Janus let Virgil into the apartment almost the second he knocked, relief plain to see on their face.

“You see?” Janus said over their shoulder in a scolding tone. “I had to resort to outside measures to deal with your bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit,” Roman whined from where he was slumped on the couch, scrolling aimlessly through Netflix on the TV.

“Oh? And what’s this?” Janus demanded, hands on their hips. They dramatically pushed the button to open the microwave door, revealing a limp burrito wrapped in a damp paper towel.

“Lunch,” Roman mumbled defensively.

“You hate microwave food, and it’s four in the afternoon!” Janus snapped.

“I am in a creative slump, Jan! Have some sympathy!”

“No! Get your whiny ass off the couch and stop ruining my afternoon!”

Virgil took a deep breath and pointedly walked in between the pair of them down the hall towards Logan’s room. Roman and Janus’s still-bickering voices faded into the background.

“Hey.” Virgil knocked on the door, which had a piece of printer paper taped to it with Logan’s name written on it in blue sharpie and a couple of stars, both scribbles and stickers, scattered around it. He waited, and when there was no reply, he added, “Are you okay, Lo?”

“I’m fine,” Logan said, in a voice that had obviously been crying.

“Can I come in?” Virgil asked.

“Okay.”

Virgil pushed open the door and stepped into the dim room, closing it behind him. The blinds were closed, and Logan was curled up under a mound of blankets.

“Hey, baby,” Virgil murmured, kicking off his shoes and climbing to sit on the bed beside Logan and stroke his hair. “What’s wrong?”

Logan made a muffled noise of misery into the mattress.

“What?” Virgil said after a moment.

Logan rolled over. “Teacher didn’t like my essay.”

Virgil chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment. “Okay, I promise I’m not making fun of you, but you do know that that is possibly the most stereotypically you thing you have ever said to me, right?”

Logan let out a little huff that was not quite a laugh. “I guess.” He was silent for a moment as Virgil continued to stroke his hair. “And I know it’s stupid. I still got a B+ and my overall grade in the class is fine and I know I’m a good writer and everything. But it sucks. I was really proud of it.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Virgil said, choosing to ignore the squirm in his gut that always happened when grades came up. It was so easy to compare or to worry about others comparing and then to worry about others getting upset over comparisons and—he dragged himself back to the present, forcibly setting the issue aside. “You’re allowed to feel upset,” he told Logan. “About anything that upsets you. Even if you wouldn’t choose it.”

Logan didn’t respond, but after a minute his hand snaked out from under the covers and grasped Virgil’s.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Virgil asked, struck with the idea.

“Huh?”

“A walk. Get out of your head for a little bit and hang out. We can talk if you want, or just be together.”

Roman’s voice grew particularly loud outside, and Virgil picked out a teary, petulant, “I hate you!”

“Plus it’ll get you away from that energy,” he added wryly.

Logan drew in a breath and sat up. “Alright. Let’s do it.” He pulled out a denim jacket while Virgil put his shoes back on and retied the laces. They made their way out of the apartment, hand in hand.

Roman was on his feet now, releasing an angry tirade at Janus, hands clenched into fists and sounding on the verge of crying, the TV remote cast on the floor beside him. Janus was sitting on the kitchen counter with arms crossed and an intimidating glare on their face.

“Hey!” Virgil snapped, and Roman cut off abruptly. “Eat some food,” Virgil told him on a hunch. Sure, Roman could be a little immature at times, but this was on a whole different level, and a lack of food seemed like the simplest culprit.

Virgil looked over at Janus, to make it clear that they weren’t off the hook either. “We’re going out. You two better make up before we get back. Clear?”

“You can’t tell us what to do—” Roman began stubbornly.

“Janus literally called me in to fix all your problems, so yeah. I can. Also open your windows, it’s gloomy as fuck in here.” Virgil opened the door and held it for Logan, tossing one last glare over his shoulder at Roman, who looked dumbstruck, and Janus, who avoided eye contact.

Logan was quiet as the two of them walked down the stairs and exited the apartment building, hands in his pockets (one still clasping Virgil’s) and eyes on the toes of his slip-on shoes.

“Wanna talk?” Virgil asked.

Logan tilted his head to the side for a moment, his thinking face slipping over his features, and then shook his head.

Virgil nodded. “Okay.” He fished in his pocket for his earbuds and plugged them in. “Let me know if that changes, okay?” He received a small nod and turned on his go-to playlist—a 12-and-a-half-hour-long composition of all his favorite emo songs that he could loop without having to put any thought in.

The two of them wandered through the streets, hand in hand, music blaring in Virgil’s ears and Logan’s fingers soft and warm against his. They made their way towards downtown; their university was in a small city, and it was pretty walkable.

As they walked, weaving around and across different blocks, occasionally stopping to peek into particularly interesting shop windows, the tension in Logan’s shoulders slowly began to relax and his gaze migrated from the toes of his shoes upwards to take in the surrounding scenery. Virgil felt himself relaxing in turn. The subdued, almost sullen look on Logan’s face was beginning to shift back to his typical bright-eyed curiosity, which meant that while maybe not all was right with the world, a whole lot was right with the world.

As the sky began to darken, Logan’s pace quickened with sudden purpose—but he didn’t lead Virgil in the direction of the apartment. Instead, he headed in almost the exact opposite direction. Virgil was lost for a moment as to where they were going, until the park in the center of downtown came into view. Ah. That explained it. He was kind of glad; he didn’t feel ready for the quiet time they were spending together to be over.

A scent caught his attention as they entered the park, and he tugged gently at Logan’s arm, nodding towards the mediterranean food truck. A small smile answered him, and a nod, and the pair of them made their way over. They both ordered gyros—Virgil chicken, and Logan, who was trying out vegetarian food, falafel.

Fifteen minutes later, seated side by side on a park bench and finishing the last of their sandwiches, Logan cleared his throat. “Thank you.”

Virgil bumped his shoulder against his boyfriend’s. “Of course, babe.”

“I am feeling… better,” Logan said cautiously, as if he were testing out the words in his mouth to see if they felt true.

Virgil nodded. “Better is good.”

Logan nodded, eyes moving to the sky, which was now almost fully dark except for a streak of orange sunset leftover on the horizon. The stars were out, at least the brightest ones that could be seen even past the floodlights placed every so often across the park.

“You like space, and shit, right?” Virgil said, scooting closer to Logan and dragging his arm to wrap around Virgil as he rested his head on Logan’s shoulder. It was a bit of a rhetorical question, since he knew Logan had an astronomy minor and was the vice president of the astronomy club and had gone on no less than three eager rambles about space in the last month alone, but one could always do with a conversation opener.

Logan blinked and looked down at him. “I do.” You know this, his tone said, a little puzzled at the question.

“What star is that?” Virgil pointed at a particularly bright one, although he wasn’t paying nearly as much attention to the star as he was to Logan’s face.

Sure enough, Logan brightened, his eyes more interesting than any star. “Oh! That’s not a star at all—it’s actually Mercury!”

“Really?” Virgil asked, grinning and scooting closer.

Logan wrapped his arm a little more tightly around Virgil’s shoulders with an answering smile. “Yes, and it’s actually very fascinating…” And just like that, he was off, words spilling out of his mouth at a breakneck pace, gesturing eagerly with his free hand to emphasize his points.

Virgil listened, doing his best to follow along and asking a few questions whenever Logan started to wind down, but mostly just happy to watch his boyfriend’s lips as he excitedly infodumped, and his eyes, too, alight with delight, the frustration of the disappointing grade all but forgotten as he held Virgil and told him stories about the night sky.

It was nearly ten at night by the time they made their way back to Logan’s apartment, chatting back and forth in quiet voices and giggling. Logan broke off as he opened the door and got a look inside; he glanced over his shoulder at Virgil and put a finger to his lips.

Virgil hushed and followed him in, then saw what the need for quiet was: Janus and Roman were asleep on the sofa, Roman sprawled on his stomach on top of Janus with his limbs everywhere and his face buried in Janus’s chest, Janus with their arms wrapped around him and a throw pillow propping their head up and a worn copy of Crime and Punishment flopped over from where it had clearly been propped up on Roman’s back.

“Precious,” Virgil commented softly as Logan picked up the book, tucked a bookmark off the coffee table into it, and set it down with the tender care he seemed to reserve exclusively for books and Virgil.

Logan smiled. “They are, rather.” He looked down at his roommates. “Sometimes I wonder why I picked the two most dramatic people I know to live with.”

“Sometimes like this afternoon?” Virgil said with a chuckle.

Logan snorted. “Maybe. But then they do things like this, and I remember why I like them.”

Virgil noticed something on the tiny kitchen table. “Or this?” He pointed.

Logan came over to examine what Virgil had found. “Oh,” he breathed, a smile spreading across his face.

A plate of cookies sat on the table, together with a hastily handmade card.

“Sorry :( ❤️” it read in large, expressive cursive, and beneath it in smaller, neater handwriting, “I actually didn’t do anything wrong, but these are for you and I did the dishes, also you’re welcome for the date night.”

Logan laughed quietly, taking a cookie and offering the plate to Virgil, who accepted one cookie—they looked to be snickerdoodles. “Yes. Things exactly like this,” he said. He took a bite of the cookie and raised his eyebrows. “Not bad.”

Virgil grinned and leaned over to kiss him. “Not bad at all,” he agreed, pulling away.

“I literally gave you your own cookie,” Logan whispered, clearly trying not to laugh.

“Yeah, but it tastes better this way.” Virgil winked, mainly for Logan’s reaction—he pressed a hand to his mouth, stifling an amused smile that was still visible in his eyes. “I should go,” Virgil added, glancing at the time. It was Sunday tomorrow, so he didn’t need to worry about how late he was up, but he disliked walking home at night.

Logan nodded, taking another cookie and pressing it into his hand. “Text me when you get home?”

“I always do,” Virgil said, accepting the cookie and a goodnight kiss that still tasted just faintly of cinnamon and sugar.

And he did just that; he always felt a little awkward simply texting “I made it home,” or the like, so he usually tried to come up with interesting questions to send to Logan instead. Tonight, it was:

Virgil: hey Virgil: if u could pick one Thing u always wanted to do Virgil: and get a guarantee that u’d get a chance to do that thing no matter what Virgil: what would u pick?

Logan: Fascinating question! I would like the opportunity to name a star. Logan: I don’t imagine it will ever happen in real life, but I’ve always thought it would be… cool, for lack of a better word.

Virgil: ghfdkjghksdhj i will never be over ur love for space Virgil: u have a Brand and u stick to it

Logan: Well, a brand is important in life. :-) Logan: What about you? What would you pick?

Virgil: i think it’d be neat to be in a band Virgil: idk Virgil: like i don’t wanna be super famous or anything but like Virgil: being in a band would be neat Virgil: yk?

***

Ten years later, Virgil sang the last lines of his song looking right at his husband. “And I don’t even need to look to the skies/Because all of the stars are in your eyes.”

The noise around him didn’t fade away like in the movies; to the contrary, the cheering was so loud it was almost hard to focus. But Logan’s face was absolutely alight—Virgil couldn’t be sure at this distance, but he thought Logan might even be tearing up—and he was looking at Virgil like he was his whole world. Even with the bright lights and overwhelming sounds all around, it was easy to focus on Logan in the midst of it all, Logan pressing a hand to his mouth but smiling too wide for anything to hide it, Logan leaning into the side-hug that Patton—oh, and there was Patton, right beside him—was offering, but never taking his eyes off Virgil. Logan looked so happy, even though Virgil knew concerts weren’t really his favorite type of event, and Virgil was hit right in the chest with a renewed realization that Logan was Virgil’s whole world and damn, Virgil wanted to make sure everyone knew it.

But their time onstage was up, and the next few minutes were a bustle of packing equipment away and cleaning up the space they’d been allotted backstage, and it all went by in a bit of a blur, helped along by the remnants of Virgil’s performance mindset and slight overstimulation—though that was getting better now that he was offstage.

Virgil took a quick break, when the bulk of the urgent work was done, to just stand in the empty restroom and breathe for a moment, the noise of the other band who were now onstage thudding in the background so quietly he could hardly hear it. When he’d fully composed himself, feeling much calmer, he took a deep breath and headed back out.

On his way out, he ran into Roman, pushing a dolly with a box on it. “Oh, good, there you are,” he greeted Virgil. “Can you—oh, for crying out loud,” he broke off, looking ahead.

Following his gaze, Virgil snickered as he saw Remus, leaning against the wall with their hands clasped behind his head, grinning down at Patton, who was leaned forward, bracketing Remus with his arms, looking up at him and speaking, although Virgil couldn’t hear him from here.

“We still have work to do,” Roman said under his breath, but the exasperated gaze he leveled at the pair was altogether far too fond to have much real bite.

Virgil’s mind was on other matters; if Patton was here, that meant—

“Lolo!” Patton’s voice called brightly; he’d seen Roman and Virgil and stepped back from Remus, waving happily at the pair of them. “Virgil’s here!”

At the sound of Patton’s voice, Janus emerged from the room, a little further down the hall, that had served as the headquarters for the band. He bent to give the tiny man a kiss, then turned to Remus for another kiss.

Logan popped his head out just a moment behind Janus. “Virgil?” He brightened when he saw Virgil’s face, and stepped fully out into the hall. He hadn’t changed from his work outfit, still wearing a button down with the sleeves rolled up, a tie, and a pair of jeans, and a smile that he looked like he couldn’t wipe off his face.

He was still the handsomest man Virgil had ever seen.

Virgil looked to Roman. “Permission to get back on my alloromantic bullshit, captain?” he asked teasingly.

Roman rolled his eyes and swatted Virgil’s shoulder. “Go be cute,” he said benignly.

Virgil took off down the hallway to Logan, not quite running; Logan took a few steps to meet him, and Virgil caught him in a hug so eager he actually lifted the taller man off his feet for just a second.

Logan, half-laughing with surprise, grasped Virgil’s shoulders for balance as he regained his feet. “You wrote me a song?”

“Did you like it?” Virgil asked, holding him tightly.

“Virgil, I—” Logan seized Virgil’s face in his hands and kissed him.

Virgil wrapped his arms more firmly around his husband, kissing him back exuberantly and swaying slightly back and forth.

“It’s perfect,” Logan told him, breaking away only just far enough to speak. “You’re perfect.”

Virgil grinned, reaching up to run his fingers through Logan’s neat hair. “Careful, you’ll spoil me.”

“I don’t think I could ever do that,” Logan told him seriously. “It’s not spoiling if you deserve it.”

And really, what was Virgil supposed to do about that except kiss his husband again?

[pwarkluv]

❝ slow dancing in the dark ❞ - psj

park jisung x reader | angst, fluff | 1.5k words

WARNINGS | lowercase is intended, angst because duhh, fluffy ending because it’s jisung and i don’t think i could take a sad ending with him, friends to lovers au (my fav as you can tell), high school au, non-idol au, not a lot of dialogue in the first half oops, maybe like one curse word(??), this is gonna be trash so uh skrrt skrrt

SUMMARY | when they’ve both been in love with each other for years, but are too dense to realize it (aka your typical f2l’s trope).

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by “slow dancing in the dark” by joji as you can tell by the title of this oneshot hehe :P anyways another favorite song of mine! i wanted a happy ending jisung because i see so many sad ending with him fhakldjfh also (i tried to be) super angsty because teenage love and overthinking always gets me in my feels~

you’ve never failed to make jisung’s heart race, even as a kid.

before he met you, jisung was your typical seven year old boy who avoided girls because he thought they had the cooties. he had that weird bowl cut every asian dude had growing up with slinky arms and a skinny frame. 

but you? you were beyond ordinary. 

your pigtails were held up by hello kitty hair ties, the charms dingling whenever you moved. you had a few front teeth missing, but that didn’t stop you from smiling ear to ear when you first met jisung. the colorful pastel colors you wore all the more attracted him to you. 

never has he ever seen such a bright and bubbly girl. all the other girls in the area were like him, avoiding the boys because of their “cooties”. they were stuck up and always thought they were better than him. 

but from the moment you two met, you became an exception. the only girl jisung liked being around. 

now that you two are seventeen, things have changed a bit. jisung wasn’t up to your ears anymore and he sure as hell doesn’t have a bowl cut. you outgrew your pigtails and have teeth in the front of your mouth. but the biggest change? jisung was in love with you.

well sure he’s always loved you. he loved the way your charms in your hair would jingle whenever you two played hopscotch, he loved how you always tried to put his hair up into a bun with your special hair ties, and he loved just being around you.

but this kind of love? the one he’s feeling now? it was like anything and everything you did made his heart race and his smile come out. so of course hearing you rant about this “really cute guy” who suddenly started talking to you in school made his heart hurt.

you were laying on jisung’s chest, him playing with your hair as the movie in front of you two played in his room. you didn’t know how but you were thankful the boy you were laying on couldn’t hear how fast your heart was beating. 

you’ve always been in love with jisung. from the moment you two met you were drawn to his aura, how he lowkey hated you and thought you had a disease. you’ve watched him grow (literally) and become such an amazing person. just the thought of it made your heart swell.

but you knew he didn’t like you. there was no way. not when he seemed so comfortable with the girl that sits in front of him in science. 

so you’ve decided you were gonna try and move on from him and look at other boys. you realized how cliche it was, falling in love with your best friend. there was no way it was gonna work anyways, not if jisung didn’t like you back. so you went for one of his friends, sungchan. he’s tall, kinda, charming, and everything you could ever want. but he’s not jisung.

❝ give me reasons we should be complete ❞

jisung didn’t know how to respond when you first mentioned sungchan. he should be happy for you right? you two were just friends and in no way did he have any claim towards you. if you liked him you should go for him, right?

wrong. his hand faltered a bit as he continued to stroke his fingers through your hair, his heart feeling heavy in his chest. suddenly he felt like he wanted to cry, not noticing how half-hearted you sound talking about the boy. 

❝ you should be with him, i can’t complete ❞

suddenly his mind went to more sadder things. jisung thought about the height difference between sungchan and him, wishing he was just a little bit taller for you. how cool and handsome sungchan was, no wonder you were falling for him. he’s more athletic and that’s probably why you liked that boy and not him. 

-

prom night. your second to last prom before you and jisung finished high school. you two decided to go together “as friends”, the thoughts of him not wanting to actually be your date dampening your mood at times. but you were here to have fun, whether jisung saw you like that or not.

the two of you were partying, dancing along to the songs being played on the speakers.

“y/n?” a voice called out, causing the both of you to turn. jisung frowned looking at the boy in front of him. there he was, the boy he’s hated for the past two months.

you froze, not knowing why sungchan was in front of you.

“um, hi sungchannie.” you shyly smiled, a little awkward at the random intrusion. jisung knew you felt a little awkward and protectively wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

“hey.” jisung replied, trying to act cool. you stifled a laugh at jisung’s sudden mood change before clearing your throat.

“can i talk to you for a bit?” sungchan asked, and jisung could have cried then and there. 

❝ you looked at me like I was someone else, oh well ❞

“you like jisung don’t you?” sungchan said, watching as your eyes strayed to the tall brown haired boy you came with. you flushed, getting caught.

“n-no i don’t know what you’re talking about.” you stuttered, denying the obvious. the boy laughed, ruffling your hair a bit.

“don’t stress about it y/n, you don’t look at anyone else the same way you look at jisung. it’s kinda cute.” he smiled, making you a little less tense. 

“but he doesn’t like me.” you replied, looking down at the floor as an attempt to not cry. sungchan laughed, not believing what you’ve just said.

“you’re an oblivious one aren’t you?” sungchan muttered under his breath before holding you close, keeping an eye out for the boy watching him like a hawk. “confess to him, i promise you it won’t be bad.” he whispered before pushing you towards jisung.

❝ can’t you see ❞

“so what’d he say?” jisung asked, suddenly becoming serious. he saw the way sungchan pulled you close and his fists tightened in anger. he was the only one who could do that to you. but then he realized, he’s really not. 

jisung once again realized that you weren’t his and probably never will be. 

“o-or well you don’t have to tell me.” he stuttered aftering noticing how possessive his tone was. she’s not yours she’s not yours, jisung chanted to himself, watching as your face flickered to one of unsureness. 

goddammit why can’t you see i’m in love with you, the both of you thought in unison, jisung waiting for your response. 

“dance with me.” you said, pulling jisung away to a secluded area knowing what you should do. though you didn’t answer him, who was he to decline such a beautiful lady.

❝ i don’t wanna slow dance, in the dark ❞

it was like that ending scene from twilight, a mini deck covered in fairy lights and flowers. the lights were dimmed down a bit as a soft tune played, your head on jisung’s shoulder as the two of you slowly danced to the song. 

you realized that if you told him you loved him, it could ruin everything you two had. but you knew you couldn’t keep it a secret, you knew you couldn’t keep your emotions in the dark.

“what’s on your mind princess?” jisung asked, breaking the silence. he knew how tense you were just from the way you walked back to him after sungchan. and when you didn’t answer his question, well of course jisung was a little worried. 

your heart raced at the nickname. he started calling you that after the two of you played kingdom, him being your knight in shining armor while you were his princess. it stuck, jisung liking the way it felt calling you that. 

“i don’t wanna pretend anymore, sung.” you sighed, picking your head up from his shoulders. you pushed yourself away slightly, a small space between the two of you as you prepared for heartbreak. the boy gave you a confused look, not understanding what you were trying to get at. 

❝ dark ❞

“i’ve always loved you, as a kid and even until now.” you confessed, eyes trained onto the floor. jisung froze.

there was no way you actually felt the same, did you?

“w-well i know you don’t like me back and i know this changes things so much and i’m so sorry-”

jisung’s lips on yours was what shut you up. his hand snaked behind your waist, the other on the nape of your neck to deepen the kiss.

“shut up will you?” he mumbled into the kiss, finally relishing the feeling of your softness of his. your cherry lip balm was addicting and he couldn’t wait to taste it again.  

you had no clue what was going on at all, his lips on yours making your mind go hazy. as you two pulled away to catch your breaths you whispered into the air.

“so does this mean you love me too?”

“are you dumb or do i need to kiss you senseless again?”

“i mean that last option seems good.”

[beneaththebrim]

hi brim! feel free to ignore this if you aren't taking qiye asks but i've been kind of. wondering if this is something i missed while reading or if the reason for the invasion at the end of qiye getting sped up in the 7th life (compared to the 1st one) ever got clarified somewhere. have any thoughts? ty for putting together the qiye/tyk timeline it was really handy! have a nice day <3

Oh I like this question! And you’re welcome! Before starting, I just want to first say, please take my interpretation with a grain of salt, because I did read the novel using mtl (with some spot-checking), and all my excerpt translations are done via running the raws through an online dictionary, exhausting my scant knowledge of Mandarin, and comparing with mtl when I get confused. I definitely welcome corrections and/or additions by people who’ve read the novel as closely or closer than this.

Also, I’m going to be nitpicking some elements of the novel I felt were thematically unsatisfying, just warning you.

So I think it’s really a ‘butterfly effect’ sort of thing going on.

Throughout Qiye, there are mentions of how Helian Qi is the more dangerous of the two older brothers, and how facing off against him was the biggest challenge to Helian Yi ascending the throne in Jing Beiyuan’s first life.

In the first life, Helian Qi was the one to go down to Liangguang, and used the opportunity to totally rout Helian Zhao’s faction. Although this would have caused Helian Pei to be more wary of Helian Qi, it ultimately gave him a wide open path to the throne.

In the seventh life, Jing Beiyuan went to Liangguang, and although he destroyed a lot of Helian Zhao’s faction, he didn’t destroy Helian Zhao himself, because he wanted to keep him around to continue contending with Helian Qi so Jing Beiyuan could build Helian Yi’s faction in relative peace.

However! During the time Jing Beiyuan was away, Helian Qi took the opportunity to ingratiate himself with Helian Pei, and made him suspicious of Jing Beiyuan.

Jing Beiyuan realizes pretty soon afterwards that he has to nip the Helian Qi issue in the bud, leading to all the morally dubious scheming that dominates the second half of the novel.

In order to destroy Helian Qi, Jing Beiyuan and Zhou Zishu first target his faction in the Northwest, Zhang Jin and Zhao Zhenshu. They do so by abducting Zhang Tingyu, Zhang Jin’s only son, muting him, planting him among Helian Qi’s brothel boys, and arranging it so Zhang Tingyu, on the verge of death at Helian Qi’s lecherous hands, is able to run home to communicate what Helian Qi had done to him. This leads to Zhang Jin turning on both Helian Qi and Zhao Zhenshu and going to the capital to have various righteous members of court (including Jiang Zheng, who had already been investigating Zhao Zhenshu) petition before Helian Pei.

The fallout effectively destabilizes the Northwest. From Zhang Jin’s pov in Ch.49, we have:

Zhao Zhenshu had spent every day accumulating wealth and bribing officials for decades, to the point that the whole host of generals submitted to him. Just one secret and some money spent, and he could deal with it on the spot without involving the great and distant emperor.

When it came to hard power, he had a division of Wagela troops under his control, all of whom were raw-meat-eating brutes, would work for anyone who paid, and each of whom was strong as a small mountain, such not even three to five ordinary people could match one. When it came to soft power, from the Northwest Spring Market up to the capital, all stores and caravans, if they weren’t thoroughly suppressed by him, then they’d be owned by his people. In the Northwest, he was invincible.

So, this guy pretty much runs this entire area which acts as a buffer between the Wagela’s territory and the Central Plains, and Jing Beiyuan and Zhou Zishu’s scheming topples him.

Oops!

Turns out, simultaneously having a division of Wagela troops lose a big source of their income and replacing the—albeit corrupt—people with the deepest roots in the Northwest with fresh faces, maybe wasn’t the best idea, all at once.

[Well, at least it kills off Helian Zhao, I guess]

And in fact, this is an aspect of Qiye I wish could have gotten explored more, because Jing Beiyuan does talk pretty big about things being ‘for the greater good’ in that trolley problem lecture he gives to Liang Jiuxiao, and like, he and Zhou Zishu… probably should have seen this coming? And I mean, I don’t know how much blood was shed in the first life during the power struggle between Helian Yi and Helian Qi, but methinks the path of slaughter the Wagela wreak on their way to the capital prooooobably more than rivals it? But I don’t think it ever gets addressed that mayyybe there were some holes in their oh-so-necessary-for-the-greater-good scheming?

And where’s the sense of remorse over having ended up making things worse? Well okay, maybe remorse would be out of character, but what about some reflection on karma, or the futile nature of trying to manipulate the circumstances of the world?

Well, much like Wuxi’s entire character arc in the second half of the novel, it gets subsumed by the plot revolving around Jing Beiyuan’s goal of getting Helian Yi settled on the throne. No time for introspection or regret, we’ve got a final plot arc to finish, a heroic, patriotic battle to fight!

…I sigh

[join-the-joywrite]

But suddenly from somewhere out of the blue, I see a different light around you.

For Anon: Julie and Luke, family friends, end up sick together. While cooped up sick at Julie's, a little conversation leads to a lot of secrets.

A/N: skdjje I am so sorry it took me this long to get to it sjjdje and this kind of got away from me once I finally got into writing it oops.

Special thanks to @i-spit-on-fire for the title!! Love you, doll 🥰

Julie Molina had a great friend circle. She loved each of them equally. Well, maybe Flynn got a bit more than everyone else but then again, Flynn had also seen Julie throwing up the last time she had food poisoning so maybe Flynn deserved a little extra love for sticking around past that.

The only person in the circle that could contend for Flynn's level of appreciation in Julie's eyes was Luke Patterson. And it was only because her mom and his dad were childhood friends, which, naturally, led to Julie and Luke growing up childhood friends.

Despite their close friendship, Luke and Julie rarely interacted at school. They had their own, smaller, circles and that was perfectly okay. Their circles merged after Luke and his friends played live music for Julie's theater performance when the radio gave out without warning. Well, to get more specific, it was some time after Alex and Willie started dating and involving both their friends on lunches and hangouts.

So yeah, things were great, school was fun and they all had a bunch of fun together. They even planned to visit an amusement park that Saturday too.

Unfortunately, the trip to the amusement park seemed like it was gonna have to wait.

"I told you not to hug me," Julie grumbled through her stuffy nose.

Luke pulled a face for her. "I didn't. I hugged my mom and then you hugged my mom. I'm not at fault here."

Julie sighed. "You think she's sick, too?"

"Nah, mom's got a great immune system. She probably just has a slight cough."

Just then a coughing bout overtook Julie. Leaning forward in her chair, she took a few deep breaths, relaxing as she felt Luke's hand moving in slow circles on her back. Slowly, her breathing returned to normal and the sharp ache in her forehead subsided. When she sat back again, she leaned her head against Luke. "I hate being sick. This is all your fault."

"We've just been over this. I didn't hug you."

"Potato, pot-ah-to."

Luke rolled his eyes. "You know you're heavy, right?"

Julie's response was to stop half-supoorting herself and drop all her weight on Luke's side, nearly sending them both off their chairs.

"If you weren't so sick, I'd . . . I'd pinch you!"

"You mean, if you had the energy to do it."

"Yeah, whatever," Luke managed to say before he coughed too, albeit much less than Julie. "Think your mom will drop me home?"

"You live right next door, idiot. Obviously."

When Rose walked into the nurse's office, she sighed at the two teens. "We told you two to stay at home. Come on, let's go."

As Rose pulled into her driveway, Luke thanked her for the ride.

"Where do you think you're going, mijo?"

"H-home?" Luke asked uncertainly, his hand on the door handle.

"Your parents are out of town for the weekend."

"Yeah," Luke nodded, "I was gonna stay over at Bobby's but I don't wanna make him sick--"

"Well, Julie's already sick anyway. You can stay with us and when you're feeling better, you can go over to Bobby's."

"But--"

"Mijo, I'm not asking," Rose said, staring at Luke in the rearview mirror, daring him to get out of the car.

Julie snickered at the fear in his eyes as he settled back into the seat and waited until Rose had pulled further up towards the house before attempting to get out again.

"Why don't you two go get comfortable on in the living room, hm? I'll put some food up for you and it'll be ready before you even know it."

Julie yawned as she trudged past Rose and into the house. "Can we sleep instead?"

"Absolutely. Go get some rest, okay? Luke, if you're tired, you can sleep in Carlos' room. He's spending the week with Victoria so it's all yours if you need, okay?"

"Thank you," Luke managed before a yawn interrupted him.

Rose ruffled Julie's hair first, then Luke's. Now, what could she feed them that they'd manage to keep down?

"Sorry I made you sick," Luke mumbled.

Julie shrugged. "It's okay. Flynn said she was gonna drag me on the biggest rollercoaster first so in a way, I'm kinda glad we won't be going tomorrow."

Luke rolled his eyes. "You do this everytime we go. Just get on the rollercoaster. It's not that much bigger than the one we went on last time."

Julie stared at Luke over her bowl of soup. "I passed out."

Luke shrugged. "It makes for a good story!"

"For you!"

"Don't yell, Julie, you don't have the lung capacity."

Julie scrunched up her nose and mocked Luke in a high voice. "You don't have the lunch capacity."

"Oh, real mature."

Julie blew a raspberry at Luke. A raspberry that turned into a cough. Luke was out of his blanket in a second.

"Julie?" Rose called from the kitchen. "You good, baby?"

"I got it!" Luke called back. He knelt in front of Julie as she hunched over and rubbed her back in small circles. "Easy, Jules," he murmured.

"I hate being sick," Julie said for the umpteenth time, resting her chin on Luke's shoulder.

Luke froze, one hand on Julie's arm, the other on her back. What was he supposed to do now? Just . . . hold her?

"I know," he said soothingly, "you'll get better quickly, don't worry."

"Ugh, I hope so." Slowly, Julie pulled away and eased back into the couch.

Luke pouted, only because he wanted to stay holding Julie in a gentle and comfortable embrace. He scrunched his nose up and quickly shook his head. What the hell was that all about?

He was back in his corner of the couch, under his blanket, when Rose arrived with a glass of water for each of them.

"I'm going to get dinner running and when I come back to check on you two, those glasses better be empty."

"Yes, mom," they chorused.

It wasn't really a big thing. Luke called her 'mom' often. Julie even called Emily 'mom' if she happened to be over at Luke's. But that didn't take away from Rose's (or Emily's) absolute delight over being called mom by her honorary child.

"Sorry I made fun of you when you first got sick," Julie mumbled.

"It's okay," Luke said with a slight laugh, half paying attention to Julie and half paying attention to the TV. They'd taken a good nap and were already feeling better. "Karma got you, I guess."

"I guess."

"You got it bad, though," Luke said, glancing at Julie. "I never coughed like that."

"Exhibit A of why I utterly detest being sick. The headache is unbearable sometimes." Julie gave Luke a small smile. "But it's okay. I should already be feeling better by tomorrow."

Julie turned her gaze back to the TV. Luke didn't. He kept his gaze on Julie, watching her carefully. He'd always had the natural inclination to want to care for Julie, but until then it had always been small things. Wanting to make sure her cuts and scrapes got a band-aid. Wanting to check in with a simple text when she was sick. Wanting to be sure her work was up to date when she missed out.

But now . . . now it was a little different. It wasn't really strange, but he couldn't quite understand it. Why, when she complained about her headache, did he want to pull her close and try to distract her from it? Why, when she hunched over coughing, did he want to be by her side, holding her close and trying to ease the fit? Why, when she paid him no attention, did he want to just sit there and watch her?

Julie glanced back and Luke froze like a deer in headlights, his already pink cheeks growing redder. Julie grinned. "Is that the fever or are you shy about something?"

"Definitely the fever," Luke said quickly.

"Uh huh," Julie said with a grin, turning back to the TV again. "I think you're pretty cute too."

Luke shrank into his blanket. "I didn't say that."

"Your face said enough, Patterson."

"You really think I'm cute?"

Julie looked at Luke, who had the blanket wrapped over his head as he pouted at her. His flushed cheeks had calmed to the usual pink whenever he was running a fever. She couldn't help but smile. "The cutest."

He beamed. "I think you're pretty cute too. Wait, that's what you said--"

"Cute," Julie mumbled under her breath, shaking her head and turning back to the TV. She was surprised by Luke suddenly dropping his head in her lap. She grinned, amused. "Hi, there."

"Hi. I want attention."

"Well, mom said she was just gonna make sure Carlos' room is clean enough for you to walk without getting impaled by a Lego brick but I'm sure she'd be happy to listen to your gibberish when she's all done."

"I want your attention."

"And I wanna watch the season finale."

Luke turned over to glance at the TV. "You've seen this episode at least six times. I know because five of them were at my house and youd already seen it once before that."

Julie flicked Luke's nose lightly. "It's my favourite, leave me be."

"Fine, but I'm staying here."

"Okay, just be quiet."

Luke felt like he had left the land of the living when he felt Julie's fingers in his hair. She had absolutely no idea what she was doing and somehow, the fact that she was playing with his hair on autopilot made him giddy.

"Can you put this on the table for me, please?" Julie asked absently, resting her empty glass on Luke's shoulder.

He did as she asked, just managing to reach the coffee table.

"Thank you."

Bored but unwilling to move, Luke began to pick at the threads on Julie's bracelets. She rested her hand on his chest, knowing he'd start whining if she took the bracelets away.

"Who made this one for you?"

Julie glanced at her arm to see Luke playing with a blue string, her name strung on in letter beads, a star bead on either side. "You did."

"Really?"

"I think we were about eight or nine. That was when Flynn got her bracelet set and we spent so many lunches making bracelets. You got jealous because I kept wearing Flynn's bracelets so you made one for me yourself."

"Huh," Luke said, "I don't remember, though."

"Not surprising. You were running a fever then, too. A pretty high one. Your mom gave you cough syrup and you got a burst of creative inspiration. Haven't you heard her tell the story? It's one of her favourites."

"I hear the words 'when Luke was little' and I instantly tune it out."

Julie laughed. "Sounds about right."

Luke watched the smile linger on Julie's face as she watched the episode she knew by heart. God, she was so pretty.

Luke scrunched his nose up again. Yeah, Julie was pretty and yeah, he'd always known that. But in the way he knew Flynn was beautiful and Carrie was stunning. In the way he knew Reggie was adorable and Bobby was cute and Alex was a gorgeous. In the way he knew Willie was magnificent. It was just something he'd always known. He and his friends were hot as hell and that was just a fact that they all seemed to know.

But laying with his head in Julie's lap, watching her unconsciously smile at his own antics, it seemed like a brand new thought. How could someone he'd known his whole life suddenly look different?

"Julie."

"Hm?" Julie didn't look away from the TV.

"You're really pretty."

"Thank you," she said, smiling wider. She lightly tugged a lock of his hair. "You're pretty, too."

"No, I mean, like, really pretty. Like . . . ultra pretty."

Julie scowled at Luke. "What did you do?"

"Nothing! I just . . . I just really like your smile. It's so. . ."

"Pretty?"

Luke nodded. He poked her cheek lightly. "I like when you smile."

"Yeah?" Even if she wanted to, she couldn't hold back a smile.

Luke smiled too. "Yeah."

Caught up with Luke's spontaneous declaration, Julie mised her favourite part of the episode -- the one where they finally had their first date. But Luke didn't.

"When we get better," he said slowly, "when we're not sick anymore . . . Do you think we could go out together? Maybe next weekend?"

Julie nodded. "Absolutely. Flynn already texted about rescheduling--"

"No. No, I mean . . . like a date. Just you and me."

"Oh," Julie said softly, eyes wide.

"Oh? Julie, 'oh' is what you say when you get socks for Christmas."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm just . . . surprised. I thought I worked out this crush thing and then here you are, asking me out and all I can think is that I wasted so much energy trying to stifle it all down when I could've just asked you out myself like two years ago."

Luke blinked up at Julie. "So, is that a yes or a no? I'm a little confused."

"Oh, only a little? Yes, you dork."

Luke suddenly yawned.

"Tired?"

"Only a little."

"Go to sleep," Julie said, using the same tone Rose had used on them both earlier.

Luke thought it was going to be pretty difficult to fall asleep when Julie was sitting there, threading her fingers through his hair like she had no idea how fast she made his heart beat. But it barely took him a minute before he was out completely. With a yawn of her own, Julie quickly followed.

Carrie snickered softly. "Quick!" she whispered. "They're waking up!"

"Okay!" Willie whispered back. "Okay, hold it up."

The bunch of them gathered behind the ridiculously large cardboard posted they'd thrown together the moment they arrived after the text from Rose.

Blinking tiredly, Julie and Luke sat up and took a few seconds to focus on the grinning faces in front of them.

"Congratulations!"

Julie and Luke both turned several shades redder (not by any fault of their ebbing fevers) as the group thrust the banner forward. It's about damn time.

"Shut up," Julie mumbled, retreating under her blanket to hide her face.

Luke scowled. "You could've said something!"

"Watching was funnier," Alex admitted.

As he did, the front door opened and in walked Ray. He took one look at the scene before him and groaned. "I can't believe I lost a full ten dollars."

"You bet on us?" Julie shrieked, throwing the blanket off.

"Well . . . yeah," Ray said, "your Tia is very persuasive."

Julie shrank back into the blanket, groaning in embarrassment.

Rose gasped. "Someone get Emily on the phone! She owes me five dollars!"

"Mom!"

But despite the embarrassment that was their family, Julie and Luke were very happy to have finally admitted their feelings -- to themselves and to each other.

Neither of them could wait for next weekend.