#this might turn into a Jaehyun fic don’t judge me🫣 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vad-hander · 2 years ago

Text

LET’S KEEP IT SECRET

pairing: Jaehyun x reader x Yuta

others: SM Rookies, multiple SM and JYP idols

words: 20k

Your mom always found it important to let everyone she talked to know how much you loved to dance, how much you enjoyed singing. She always found it important to not let that go away, always found it the biggest goal in her life to make you happy, to make you someone she could always be proud of.

Since you were 3 your mom took you to music school and when you were 4 you got accepted to a dancing school. Shuffling singing, dancing and actual school when you were 8 made your life insanely difficult. Every day you went to bed you cried yourself to sleep after your mom gave you a good night kiss and turned the lights off. You just wanted to be like your school friends, you wanted to play at the playground after school with them, you wanted to spend time with that boy Soonyeon from your class that you liked, but the only thing you were doing after your last lesson was over was going to another school and then going back home. To do math homework you struggled with, to learn new melody on the piano for the end of semester show.

You could not remember what it felt like when your neighbor suggested to ask your mom to take you to an audition to her work, when you were 14. Probably it was a very exhausting and tiring thought, you looked back at it.

“You practically got scouted in front of your school, this is big luck. I’m glad we kept in touch with Yuri, I didn’t know she worked at SM Entertainment.” Your mom couldn’t stop herself talking even for a second placing dinner in front of you.

“Where’s dad?” you chimed in getting a disappointed look from her. You shouldn’t interrupt her when she talks, you beat yourself suddenly.

“He’s being late, now dig in.” she placed a bowl of rice in front of your face and you did it happily, munching on pork and rice. “This is a great opportunity, I always knew I’ll see you shine on stage, now it’s just the perfect time. All of the hard work I put in you will finally pay off.”

“Mom, it’s still an audition, even if Mrs. Ong asked me to come, it’s an audition. I might not pass. I didn’t, two years ago at JYP, if you remember.” you sighed at the memory of not passing.

“You worked hard, you lost weight and your face got prettier since back then, you’ll be just enough to get casted.”

“Mom!” you exclaimed feeling tired of her being this way. “Don’t.”

“It’s a good thing you got prettier, otherwise all of the work not only me, but you put in, would’ve gone to waste.”

“I don’t want to be prettier, I don’t want to lose weight, I don’t want to go to that stupid school to sing those stupid songs, I don’t want to dance to those songs they make me to. I just want to make friends, I want to be normal.” you jumped up from the table.

“What else do you want?” she chuckled sarcastically at you making you furious.

“I want to date that boy I always liked, I want to do everything my classmates do. Do you know that Hyejin has a boyfriend, she sleeps with him too? And me? I don’t know how to speak to guys because the only man I talked to was a 60 year old pervert who always caressed my thigh right next to my underwear whenever he helped me with stretching. I don’t want anything you’re making me do. Because of you I fucking hate singing and dancing, maybe I should’ve let that old bastard rape me so you’d get back to your senses?”

“Watch your mouth, Y/n.” was all that you mom said. You threw chopsticks that you held on to tightly through your speech unconsciously, running up to your room.

You were 14 and fucking hated every second of your life.

“Y/n, sweetheart, it’s dad. Can I come in?” his soft knocks made your heart warm. You closed the book you were reading and called him to come in. “Hi baby, how are you doing?” he sat on your bed and extended his hand to caress your hair.

“She already told you I’m a disgusting human and you’re here to tell me I’m grounded for a year?” you sighed and looked away. “As if it makes any difference, I’ve lived my entire life as if I’m grounded.” you chewed on your cheek. Silence that fell over your room wasn’t an awkward one, your relationship with your dad was always different. You always wondered how he ended up loving your mom, but then always came to conclusion she probably tricked him into this marriage, and to be fair, you wouldn’t be surprised if she actually did.

“Come here.” his fingers tapped the bed right next to him, and you squeezed your body right next to his, hiding your face in his chest. “I know everything you feel, baby. I know you’re traumatised with your mom’s parenting style, and everything that happened due to that…” you heard him sigh and wondered if he thought about the time you told him about your weird dancing coach. “I always tell you that kids that aren’t allowed to do things usually are the most rebellious ones. And I know that you’re rebellious by nature, you’re my baby girl.” he chuckled and you couldn’t hold back a smile.

“I am.” you mumbled quietly.

“I don’t find it wrong that you want to spend your time with friends and boys in particular, I’d be happy you brought a boyfriend home one day.” you nodded, wondering where he leads this to. “But we both know, moms not going to let you drop everything. She never told you this, right? It was her dream, she spent her entire childhood trying to get in one of the entertainments, everyone refused her, and then there’s you. She put in so much work since the day you were born. She thought through her plan for your life the first week she found out you’ll come to our lifes. Please forgive her, she just lost her senses when you got scouted by JYP.”

“They just asked me to come to an audition, refused me too. I feel like she lost her senses when I was around 4.” he chuckled and pulled you closer.

“Maybe, but it gave her hope that everything wasn’t worthless. That she put in work in you that will pay off. More importantly, you put in so much work, nerves and your entire life to get in. If you put aside your mom, don’t you love to dance, sing, doesn’t it make you happy when you come up with melodies on your piano?”

“It makes me happy when I see your proud eyes at the result of my work. It makes me happy when you sit down with me at the piano and come up with melodies too. You’re the one that helps me to get through difficult days, I don’t know what I’d do without you dad.”

“Oh, baby, I didn’t expect you to say something like this.” you giggled and raised your head to look at him.

“Let’s pretend that I said something you expected.” you leaned back “What would you reply?”

“I was thinking you’d say you like all that you do and I’ll tell you that going to that audition will most likely help you to get out of the cage you’re in. If you’ll pass, another life is going to be right before you. I know for sure you’ll love it. No mom, no music and dance school. You’ll meet people your age, no matter what the outcome is you’ll get extraordinary experience. I usually don’t ask you to do things but I’m asking you to go there. I’m asking you to go not with the same intentions as your mom, I’m asking you to go because I believe in my baby. Your dad caressed your hair and looked you in the eyes.

“Okay… I’ll go.” You nodded after giving the thought a few minutes. “But take me there, come with me, not her.”

“Of course, I’ll come if it’ll make you feel better.”

“Thanks dad.” you wrapped your hands around his neck “I love you.”

“I love you too baby. Any ideas with what you’re going to audition?”

“Hm, I’ll think that through.” you chuckled.

“Do you want me to come in with you or is it too embarrassing to come to an audition with your dad?”

“It’s not.” you smiled shyly “but I’d appreciate you not coming.” he chuckled and nodded understandingly.

“I’ll park my car over the corner and will wait for you at the cafe across the street, okay? Call me if you won’t see me.”

“Okay, dad.” you bobbed your head and undid your seatbelt. “I’ll go.” you smiled.

“No matter what happens, I love you and trust in you.”

“Thank you, dad.” you forced a wider smile and leaned in for a hug.

“Good luck.” you could feel him watch as you ran into the building.

“Excuse me, which floor are auditions?” you asked the security guard at the entrance and he led you quickly to the elevators, pressing the fifth floor for you.

“One of the scouts will meet you at the floor, good luck!” you nodded and gulped while the door was closing.

“Don’t worry, Y/n, it’s fine. You’ll either kill it or embarrass yourself, both are experience, it’s fine.” you squeezed your fists and stared at your reflection in the elevators door.

“Y/n, hi!”

“Mrs. Ong, you’re here?”

“Of course, I scouted most of the boys and girls in here today.” you pursed your lips, looking around “Sit down there, I’ll call for you later. And, good luck, Y/n.”

“Thank you!” you sat down onto the free seat next to a boy around your age.

“You’re here for the audition?”

“Of course.” you turned to look at him. “Why else would I be here?”

“To support someone maybe.” he chuckled and ran his eyes quickly from you onto the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m nervous and talk silly.”

“It’s your first time?”

“You mean the audition?”

“Well obviously, not like I’m asking you if it’s your first time talking.” you chuckled and he looked you in the eyes shyly.

“Yeah, it is. It’s not yours I assume?”

“I had one before, not much experience.”

“Still more than none, I guess that’s why you’re talkative.” he played with his fingers nervously.

“That’s my coping mechanism. I’m scared shitless. If I’m passing I’ll hopefully be happy and if I’m not… well, mom’s going to eat my brains out.” pursing your lips your eyes met his.

“You’re very pretty, and outgoing it seems, I’m sure they’ll like you.”

“Thanks, but talent is what matters. I don’t want to be a pretty doll, I want to be someone worth it. Worth time put in to train me and worth the time of people that could possibly watch me on stage one day.”

“You’re… you’re unique. With the way you’re thinking. Everyone just want to get in here no matter what but you’re different, it’s nice of you to think about things like that.” he smiled. “I’m Jaehyun, by the way.”

“I’m Y/n.” you gave him your hand to shake. “How old are you?”

“15.” you nodded and looked away. “And you?”

“14.”

“You look much younger.”

“You mean childish?”

“No, I mean you look… pure?” he chuckled.

“Maybe I am pure and this is my chance to unwind.” you played with your eyebrows and looked at him expecting his answer.

“Y/n, come with me, it’s your turn.” suddenly Mrs. Ong’s voice made you turn your attention to her and stand up quickly. “I trust in you.” she smiled at you and lead to the door.

“Good luck.” Jaehyun spoke when you stood up. “Hope to see you next time as trainees.”

“Right back at you.” you smiled and paced behind Mrs. Ong.

“Text me every day before you go to bed. Don’t forget to keep the diet, train not less than 2 hours a day.” your mom spoke monotonously, putting the shirts, that you purposefully left in your closet, into the suitcase. “Don’t talk to boys and focus on work. Do everything they want you to do, don’t talk back and be the good girl you always were.”

‘Don’t talk back at her. Two hours. Just two hours before freedom comes.’ you repeated a mantra in your head.‘Keep quiet and nod.’

“You hear me, Y/n? Keep away from boys, they’re not good in general and especially when they’re at the dorm all alone with you.”

“We’re going to live on different floors, mom.”

“Still, we should have a conversation about… sex.” you rolled your eyes and held back a smirk.

“What you want to tell me about it? Details?”

“Y/n! I’m not going to let you leave.”

“Why? No worries mom, if I’m getting a boyfriend, I’m going to let you know about it fourth.”

“Fourth!?!” she exclaimed loudly.

“Me, him, dad and then you.” you forced a sarcastic smile.

“You’re definitely not going anywhere.”

“Honey, please, let’s be supportive. Our daughter’s leaving to Seoul for god knows how many years.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” she nodded quickly. It always surprised you how the tone of her voice changed when she spoke to him. Could she possibly love him more than you?

“I trust you with anything you’ll decide to do. I know you’re responsible and I know you would never make mistakes or anything that I’ll disapprove of.” he pecked your forehead and looked at you “Just during your award speech don’t forget to thank me, okay? Something like ‘I’d like to thank my dad who always took my side’. Okay?”

“Of course, dad, I’ll call you every day, okay?” you bit onto your lower lip to prevent from crying. “I love you.” you sobbed into his shoulder.

“I love you too, baby. I’m going to take your luggage into the car.” his hands let go of you and you watched him disappear behind the door. You walked around the room, staring at every corner of it to keep something in your memories.

“Y/n, I beg you, condoms.” you chocked on air, walking closer to the woman you called your mom.

“Are you possessed?” you chuckled and stood right in front of her. “I’m going to miss you, no matter what.” you smiled and pulled her in a hug, wrapping your hands around her shoulders.

“Good luck.” she sighed and broke off the hug. “Now go, no tears, it’ll make your eyes puffy when you’ll arrive.”

“Okay.” you nodded and left the house.

“This is your room, you’re going to share it with another girl. She’s not here yet. This floor is girls floor. You’re lucky there’s not that many girls, the guys have four people in a room.” you nodded and sat down on the bed. “The rules are as simple as ever. Singing and dancing practices are 6 days a week, multiple variations of lessons are going to be suggested to you next week at the general meeting. Your school transfer papers are ready so you’re all good to go to Seoul’s School of Performing Arts. Wednesday’s are your day offs from practicing. Try to study properly, if you’re going to debut we’ll help you with school. We’ll provide the floor with nanny that’ll cook for you, any other food is prohibited. Your phone is going to be taken from you to completely concentrate on work. You can always come up to your manager if you need to call your parents. No late night outings or anything like that, all of you will be looked after carefully. First of all, almost everyone here are minors, second of all it’s about discipline. If you work hard it’ll pay off with rewards and debuting too. Good luck and take a good rest, you have busy days ahead. Okay?”

“Okay.” you nodded. “I love it here.” you smiled widely.

“Good to know. Don’t feel too lonely, some girls are coming within the week. Three floors lower is boys dorm. You can get to know them for the meantime.”

“I’ll take some rest.” you smiled and felt nervous at a single thought of going to boys floor all on your own.

“For everyone to feel more or less at home, for upcoming two weeks we’re planning dinners for everyone to attend. At 6 today the manager will pick you up to meet everyone either way.” she smiled and turned on her heels to leave you on your own.

“I heard there’s only one girl at the dorms yet.” a guys voice made your heart stop.

“I wonder what she’s like.” The other one replied.

“Maybe not too young.”

“Hopefully.” the voices of the boys made it seem as if they were not much older than you. They laughed hysterically at whatever was said afterwards.

“Worth a shot or not.” someone giggled.

“Shut up, you nasty dickheads.” you hit one guy with your shoulder, walking past them blindly.

There were not more than 10 boys in the hall of the building and they all walked behind you when the manager signalled to follow her. You walked into the bus first, sitting down onto the seat that seemed to you the most attractive.

“Walk past.” you could see a guy trying to sit down with you in the reflection of the window.

“I’m�� ugh, I’m not one of the guys who talked about you. I’m… Jaehyun.” his voice made you confused and you turned around immediately to take a look at him. “Do you remember me? The guy with dumb questions at the audition.” he smiled sincerely and you chuckled.

“Jaehyun, I remember.” you smiled.

“Nice knowing you passed.”

“Are we competitors now or what?” you made a low giggle and squinted your eyes.

“I’m not sure we’re bound to fight for one spot. I’m sure you and me are designated to different gender groups.”

“Okay, you can sit with me then.” you tapped the chair and he lowered his body next to you and stared at the window once again.

“I came two days before you. They’re nice, just hormonal… like everyone here, I guess.” he giggled but stopped quickly seeing you unamused. “I mean it, everyone’s just goofy because practicing didn’t start yet for neither of us. Don’t take it too seriously.”

“I don’t care, it’s whatever. Why do you care?” you turned your head to look him in the eyes.

“Because you’re the person I know the longest out of everyone here.”

“Weak convincing skills you have.” you chuckled annoyed and looked away.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you can just tell me if they sent you for whatever. I’ll get it, I had friends at school who hung out with older guys. They told me what boys are like.”

“Oh, no, no. I’m not sent, no girls are here yet, I feel obliged to keep you company.”

“Thank you, Jaehyun.” you smiled and he lit up visibly.

“I wish with all the advances they give us they’d hire people to carry us home after exhausting practicing days too.” Seulgi laughed at your comment and laid her back next to you. “I mean, I had school today and speech class and then vocal lessons for 3 hours and now we’re here. I’m not able to lift myself up from this floor.“

“We have to stand up and get back or we’ll get a strike for coming back home later than allowed.” Irene sighed and sat up next to Lami.

“Girls, hold up, boys manager will come in a minute.”

“Why?”

“No clue.” your coach Chaerin shrugged and waved goodbye at all of you. “Bye.”

“It’s kind of weird. They usually never want us to cross paths.”

“Maybe they’re debuting?” All of you looked at Seulgi.

“That’s not possible.” You shook your head in disbelief, concentrating at one imperfect floor square in the room.

“Hi, everyone.” you raised your head to see the manager lead in the boys like little chicks. You chuckled to yourself at the thought and smiled widely the second you noticed Jaehyun. “Everyone please take a seat.”

“Hi.” he whispered and bumped shoulders with you on accident while sitting down.

“You know why we’re all here?” you whispered into his ear and he shrugged not knowing.

“Okay y’all. All of you here are lucky enough to be picked out as first introduced SM Rookies.” you could hear excited noises all over the room. “I’m going to name your names to make it more official: Irene, Seulgi, Lami, Y/n, Taeyong, Ten, Jaehyun, Mark, Yuta, Jeno, Jisung, Hansol, Johnny and …” she paused and glued all of your attention to her. “And Johnny, yeah, that’s it.” she nodded and raised your head at all of you. “All of you are going to be introduced to the public through the month of December.”

“December?” boys behind you sighed loudly and you turned around to look at them.

“Wait, who’s that? I don’t know them. Yuta, Jeno and Jisung never heard those names before.” you leaned in closer to Jaehyun and he gladly moved closer to you.

“They’ve been here for at least two months or so. Someone’s been really busy to not even notice new people.” he teased and you elbowed him.

“December is so soon.” Lami said out loud and had everyone’s attention on her.

“Oh, my bad.” the manager coughed and ran her eyes over the room. “December of next year. You have over a year to become perfect in every way possible. Please consider the fact final list can be changed due to many reasons. And more importantly, this doesn’t guarantee your debut.”

“How come?” Johnny sighed out loud.

“You’re only going to be introduced as SM Rookies member, not more than that.”

“It’s still cool.” Seulgi told him quickly and looked away.

“I doubt it’s cool for Johnny, he’s been training since forever.“ Jaehyun whispered into your ear quickly.

“I hope for your cooperation guys’, don’t share this information with the rest of trainees yet. We’ll announce it to them later on. Even though I just told you it doesn’t mean you’ll debut, it really is a big step, so I hope you all will work hard. Good luck and as a bonus, all of you are allowed to come back to the dorms at midnight tonight. Come downstairs, there’s a small party organised for you.” she smiled and moved her head in her usual movement that signalled that she was done.

“Can’t we go back home and change clothes? I’d like to look nice for a party.” Lami made everyone chuckle and then disappointed when the manager shook her head no and all you 13 very sweaty but very happy teenagers moved your tired bodies in direction of the first floor.

“Don’t obsess over him.” Irene’s hand laid over your shoulder quickly.

“Over who?” you raised a brow at her.

“Jaehyun. He’s a nice guy I agree but I can tell you have a crush on him and he totally doesn’t.”

“What makes you think I have a crush on anyone? We’re friends, and actually, we’re friends only because he spoke to me first.”

“I’m just saying this because…”

“Because you’re old and experienced?”

“Oh, shut up.” she chuckled and pinched your shoulder. “It’s because we really have no time now to cry over broken hearts.”

“I know, I never had time to cry over broken hearts.”

“I’m sorry.” she caressed you quickly.

“No need, even thought we’re all busy, I’m still happier than at home and have more spare time than at home. Everyone here are working for the same goal as me, so I’m only happy to be around people who understand.”

“Just please, consider my words.”

“He’s a friend, a friend who happens to be a boy, no more than that, okay?” you hugged her with your arm over the waist and the both of you entered the practice room on the first floor that was turned into a party space.

“But how come you never saw them before…?” Jaehyun appeared out of nowhere behind your back when you stood silently staring at new boys.

“Got my eyes set on you only?” you chuckled and regretted saying something like that, maybe it’s a bit too much you thought the next moment.

“Same goes for me.” he chuckled and put his hand over your shoulder.

“I was kidding.” you rolled your eyes and looked at him to see his face.

“I know, I think in the past six months I learned to sense that. I was just playing along you loser.” you chuckled and looked at him.

“Sometimes I think I’m all grown up and practically old, but then I look at Irene, or even Seulgi, Johnny, Taeyong and realise that we’re probably little kids in their eyes…”

“We’re probably old in Jisung’s eyes though.” his high-pitched chuckle made you smile

“How old is he?”

“10.”

“What?” you choked on your coke.

“Everyone were surprised when they found out.”

“Hi.” you looked around and found one of the guys you haven’t met yet next to you. “I’m Yuta. My korean bad, sorry.”

“Hi, I’m Y/n, if you want to, we can speak in English?”

“Okay.” he nodded and extended his hand to shake yours. “I believe you’re pretty.” he continued to speak korean.

“It’s nice of you to say that.” you smiled shyly and pressed your body against Jaehyun’s. “I’m surprised we haven’t talked before. When did you come here?”

“I study korean for 6 months now. I come to Korea 2 months ago. I win SM competition in Japan.” you gave him a smile.

“You’re really good already, you’ll probably beat me soon if you’ll continue studying.”

“I need more korean friends.” he smiled “I have to be perfect in December.”

“I’m sure you’ll be perfect.” you bowed at him lightly and excused yourself.

“Are you okay?” A guy sat down in front of you when he noticed you cry. You hid your face in hair, sitting in the corner of the practice room alone. “Difficult day?” his hand caressed your shoulder and you raised your head to look at him.

“No, I’m fine.” you shook your head a no and hoped it’ll be enough to make him leave but he didn’t move.

“Someone who’s fine isn’t crying on the couch in the corner of a practice room like that.” you stared at him in disbelief.

“Your korean is insane.” you said amazed “i can’t wrap my head around how quickly you learned it” you laughed suddenly, thinking of what you said to him almost a year ago. “Didn’t I say you’d get better than me.”

“You’re joking, it’s a good sign.” he smiled at you sweetly. “And you’re literally saying this to me every time I talk to you.” he chuckled shyly “Half a year left, didn’t I say I have to be perfect.” you nodded and wiped the tears off your cheek. “Tell me what happened? We were told to look after our younger trainees, you basically have to tell me what’s up.” he hit his shoulder with yours to push the truth out of you.

“It was my birthday last week.”

“I know, we threw you a small party, didn’t you like it? I thought Wendy said you’ll love everything she prepared for your birthday?”

“It’s not the party.” you sobbed “Its the outcome. Our manager, she said I’m fat, she said it’s because I had too much food and I should never eat ever again even if it’s my last day in earth. She said she’ll ask nanny to not cook for me and she’ll check my weight herself every day. If I won’t lose it in a month she’ll get rid of me in no time.”

“She probably joked, maybe she was in bad mood and you got under her hand.” Yuta wiped the tear on your chin and you flinched at the touch.

“No, she was serious for sure. She dragged me to check my weight for the past three days, the only thing I ate was water and one small seaweed piece and it’s only different to hundred grams. She just said I’m useless and she’s probably right. Maybe I should leave company.”

“What? No, no, no. You were born to be here if someone needs to go then it’s her.”

“Thank you for listening.” you stood up “I should get back home before I get a strike or something.”

“Let’s go together.” he invited and you had no reason to decline.

“She got especially mad because I fainted…” you whispered when the both of you walked slowly to the dorms.

“What?”

“We practiced the dance for 7 hours straight and I don’t know… I just felt dizzy and then fell. Irene said I dropped dead and she thought I died of heart attack or something. Chaerin called for help and everyone was scared and only our manager shouted at me for being an attention sicker, for being weak. I’m just not used to not eating, I’ll get used to it and then it’ll be okay, I’ll be fine with water only.” you smiled at him and kept on walking when he stopped. “What’s up?” you turned around to face him.

“That’s not normal.”

“Huh?”

“What she wants from you is not normal. You’re beautiful, there’s no way she thinks you have weight to lose. She’s probably bullying you on purpose.”

“Why would she do that?”

“Because everyone likes you, people are here to support you, she doesn’t want that, she doesn’t need favourite’s in here.”

“I’m sure it’s not like that.” you shook your head in disbelief.

“Come on.” he extended his hand to you and you took a minute to grab onto it unsure. “There’s street food on the way to the dorms.” he finally said couple of minutes after dragging you behind him.

“I don’t want to.” you tried to stop on your heels but it seemed useless since Yuta didn’t even turn around to look at you. “Yuta, please.” you whined when you could see ajummas with food in a short distance. “I’m going to get in trouble, so much trouble, please don’t.” you were debating whether shedding tears right now was a great idea.

“Two corn dogs and teokbboki, please.” he smiled at the lady and gave her money. You couldn’t work out where he had money from. His eyes ran over you and your face expression probably terrified him. “It’s food, not poison, just eat once with me, please?” Yuta leaned in and hugged you over the shoulders. “I won’t tell anyone and it won’t affect anything, tomorrow is our day off, isn’t it? We can go to a hike and walk it all off, okay?” he smiled at you reassuringly and you knew you’ll look like a fool if you’ll refuse.

“Okay.” you nodded and watched him take the food. “I have school tomorrow though.”

“After school, I’m sure it’ll be okay if we’ll go after you finish.”

“Yeah” you smiled with your lips drawing a thin line.

“Now eat.” he pulled you towards a bench at the park you walked through on your way home and you sat down happily, feeling more than tired from all the practicing. Yuta took a corn dog out of the bag placing it in front of your mouth. Your hands raised automatically to take it from him but his hand pulled away, not allowing you to.

“Bite.” he said quickly and you laid your fingers on your thighs, extending your neck to take a bite. He smiled proudly at you when you chewed and took a bite himself. “Are you from Seoul?”

“No, Ilsan. My parents live there, but I was actually born in Jeju.”

“Island girl.” he smiled and you shivered unknowingly. “I’m from a small town in Osaka.” He sighed and cicadas deafened the silence between you.

“We never actually spoke properly.” you said suddenly.

“I know, you’re usually with girls or Jaehyun…” he took a visible breathe in. “You two are dating, right? Did you tell him our manager bullies you?”

“Oh, no.” you laughed loudly. “We’re not. He’s the guy I met at my audition and he spoke to me when we became trainees because I was the only girl for a couple of days and he felt bad. We just kept on talking to each other, but we aren’t anything besides that…”

“Oh, I’m sorry for saying this.” he widened his eyes and took another bite of the corn dog. “Finish this one.” you munched onto the corn dog while he looked you in the eyes quietly. “You’re just pretty, I thought Jaehyun took you the second he had the opportunity. Don’t think anything, it’s just a thought.” He chuckled noticing you look at him confused.

“Okay.” you nodded “He had no opportunities though.” you chuckled, finishing the food Yuta gave you.

“How come?”

“I’m fifteen and clueless to it all, let’s put it this way. Maybe it’s for the best actually, the less you think of being liked by anyone, liking someone and things like that, they’re taking so much energy, I don’t know how to cope with these things.”

“You’re silly.” he extended a rice cake on a toothpick to you and you sucked it into your mouth with a loud pop. “Still breathtaking though.” he said almost inaudibly.

“Huh?” you looked at him confused but instead of repeating himself he forced you to chew on another rice cake.

“So you never dated anyone?”

“No.” you chewed and forced him to give you another rice cake. “Why are you so into this topic?”

“I’m just trying to keep up the conversation.” he chuckled.

“And did you? Date someone?” you thought your question through again and quickly stopped chewing. “You’re 19 this year and a football player, I’m sure you did. Let’s ask the question the other way, have you dated someone since you came to Korea?”

“No.” he smirked at you for a long time.

“Why?” you picked a rice cake by navigating Yuta’s hand and placed it in your mouth. “I kind of feel bad for all of you, there’s over 20 young men in one dorm, I’m sure y’all are in need of personal space and many more things and they’re not giving you any of it.”

“Aren’t you in the same situation?” his fingers pushed the hair that got into your mouth to the back.

“There’s only 8 of us and we’re girls.”

“What’s is that supposed to mean? You don’t need personal space?” he chuckled and took a couple of rice cakes into his mouth.

“How many times did you see your neighbours jerk off in secret?” you turned to face him properly noticing how he grinned like an idiot at you.

“Quite a few.”

“See, and I never did because we’re not obsessed with something like this. That’s why I feel bad for you boys.”

“What’s your solution?” he looked amused by your words but you didn’t care about it.

“Stop being filthy animals?” you chuckled and he laughed out loud. “Irene always says to not expose too much skin or hormonal boys from three floors under will rub their palms to blood at night.” he laughed so hard you had to take the food from his lap in case he gets it all over himself.

“She’s quite a handful.”

“She tells me to not talk to any of you.”

“Because she sees you’re beautiful and naive.”

“But all of you are practical losers, I mean… none of you hold any kind of danger towards any of us. I mean, the biggest harm you could make is jerk off to images of us if you have enough fantasy.”

“You’re funny, I like you.” he smiled at you heartwarmingly.

“You’re nice company, I like you too.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” he leaned closer and pulled back all in a span of a second.

“I think it’s better we go, I feel like it’s pretty late.” he agreed and stood up next to you, walking in a slow pace a step behind. “You know what I think of sometimes? When we’ll debut, or more likely if, we debut, what would our lifes be like? Will we be able to be with people who we love? Have kids? Or is it going to be all work until the day we die? I can’t help but wonder if everything we’re trying to reach so hard is a curse or a blessing?”

“Maybe it’s both.”

“God, please, if debuting is a blessing, allow me to date Oh Sehun from EXO, god please, I’m not asking for much, just a handsome boyfriend like him to be mine.” you stretched your arms out and raised your head up to the sky, and asked loudly. Yuta stood beside you laughing.

“You’re still a small silly child.” his hand pulled you by the shoulder towards the dorm.

“God, please remember, Oh Sehun.” you laid your palms together and finally looked back down to walk.

“Isn’t he like old.”

“He’s maybe 20.” you nodded. “I don’t think I’ll debut any time soon so maybe I’ll be of age just in time.” Yuta chuckled again and the both of you got home in a great mood.

“Y/n, hey.“ you raised your head when Yuta’s familiar voice called you. “Come here.“ He gestured with his hand vigorously, attracting attention from Lami and Irene that you sat next to.

“What he wants?“ Irene squinted her eyes at you quickly.

“How could I know, it’s not written on his forehead.“ you chuckled and crawled towards him, Johnny and Jaehyun on all fours, feeling too tired to stand up. “What?“ you spoke smiling, when you raised your head and found all of them smiling at you. “What happened?“ You cleared your throat and sat between Johnny and Yuta, crossing your legs.

“That was just funny way of walking.“ Johnny chuckled and looked at Yuta.

“Is everything okay?“ You turned your head to look at Yuta while he was talking.

“Yeah, why?“ you looked at him confused and hoped your face expression would let him know you didn’t want to talk about anything you told him last month in front of these guys.

“You ate lunch, right?“ Your eyes ran around the room to avoid his concerned gaze, your head bobbing positively in reply.

“Why are you asking? I’m always having all of my meals.“ you smiled at him with the sincerest smile you could give him and looked at Jaehyun. “Does he ask you the same things?“

“Me?“ Jaehyun chuckled at you amused.

“I was just hoping I’m not the one he wants to nag on, I guess I’m wrong then.“ You sighed and stretched your arm out to Jaehyun. “Want to walk home together?“ His fingers held you tightly, giving you support to stand up.

“Yeah, I’m almost done for today. Johnny, didn’t you want to go ask our manager about home leave?“

“Yeah, let’s do this now.“ Johnny jumped up quickly and Jaehyun did too.

“I’ll be back in a minute, okay?“

“Okay.“ You nodded satisfied at him and watched Jaehyun get up and leave. When the door behind Johnny closed you didn’t dare to move your eyes to Yuta, feeling how he kept his face directed at you, probably burning a whole in your face with his eyes.

“I’m not surprised.“ He said suddenly and stretched out his legs, finding balance with his palms against the floor behind his back.

“What is that supposed to mean?“ You turned to face him.

“Don’t act all proud when it’s unnecessary.“

“Maybe I am eating, maybe I am not, how do you know? Don’t act like you know everything about me just because you saw me upset once.“

“Dodge Jaehyun.“

“What?“ You chuckled at his proposal. “Arrogant.“

“I meant dodge Jaehyun and I’ll get you food if we’ll get back home together.“ Yuta switched his sitting pose, trying to reach out for your hand.

“What is the under text?“

“I don’t want you to die or get sick, is that enough for one?“

“I’m eating, stop. Focus your brain on something else. It’s sweet of you and all that, but I don’t need anyone to baby me.“ You shook your head and looked away, moving your body a few centimetres form him.

“Y/n, I’m sorry.“ He sighed and reached out for your hand.

“Don’t.“ Irene’s voice hovered over your head and punched Yuta. Metaphorically, of course. “If she doesn’t want you then it’s time to grow brain to accept it.“

“I’m not trying to make her want me, she’s just…�� Yuta sounded sarcastic and you knew that this was a crucial mistake.

“Then don’t reach out to her when she visibly moves away.“ You couldn’t understand why she got all worked up.

“She’s not under your control…“ you find it kinda funny how Irene didn’t let Yuta finish a single sentence, always chiming in half way.

“She’s not under your control either! Think if you’ve been beating around the bush for a while you’re allowed to do anything?“

“What the fuck are you talking?“ Yuta looked furious, standing up and the urge to laugh inside of you faded away.

“You two, please stop.“ You stood up too to attract their attention more. “It’s a misunderstanding.“

“So you want him?“

“What?!?“you exclaimed. “Irene stop thinking every person who I talk to is somehow romantically involved with me. Just stop, I’m serious. I don’t you babying me, it’s embarrassing, when you do that. We were having a conversation, not related to being attracted to each other in whatever way. Why are you always keeping an eye on me? Are you obsessed? And you?“ You turned around to face Yuta. “You think I need your help? Advice? Support? No! You all just have a sick obsession of babying me and it’s not fine at all, go get a child together and take care of it, if the two of you are so focused on it!“ You turned your face to the door when you could hear Jaehyun’s laughter, running towards him quickly, catching him right at the entrance of the room. “Let’s go home, now, okay?“ His eyes ran over the room confused and returned to your teary ones.

“Sure, let’s go.“ He nodded quickly and took your palm in his in reassurance. “What happened?“ Jaehyun asked in a while, after your fingers slip out of his.

“You’re the closest person out of all of them for me.“ You granted him a shy smile. “What you think of me?“

“You’re the closest person out of all of them for me too.“

“It’s not what I meant.“ You shook your head and looked at your shoes.

“Oh, I’m sorry, what did you mean?“

“I think it’s better if I leave. I want to leave.“ You met Jaehyun’s eyes after a long pause.

“It’s not far, let’s just walk quickly.“

“I mean leave company.“

“What?“ He stopped on his heels. “Because of Irene and Yuta?“

“It’s too much stress, I don’t think I should be here, maybe I’m taking someone’s place.“

“I’m sure you don’t, they chose you. Weren’t you named trainee of the month like 6 times?“

“Seven.“ You corrected him quietly, forcing a low giggle out of him.

“See, that never happened to me and I’m not dropping everything I’ve already achieved.“

“It’s because there’s only 8 girls and over 20 guys, competition is harder.“

“Don’t say that about your achievements.“

“Jaehyun…“ you shook your head. “Go back to the dorms.“

“No chance I’m going there without you.“

“I’m just going to walk around the city a little, I promise I’ll come back.“ You rubbed his arm reassuringly.

“You say I’m the closest person for you and don’t even invite me… I’m offended.“ He shook his head and made a hurt face expression on his face.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.“

“I’m not going to let you get in trouble alone.“

“Stubborn.“ You smiled at his persistence.

“Learned it from you.“

“Let’s go.“ You grabbed his palm and pulled him to go with you.

“Where to?“ he asked excitedly and you chuckled at him.

“Dorms. If we’re going to sneak away like that, we’ll totally get busted.“ You sighed loudly hearing Jaehyun laugh behind you.

“Did you…“ you cleared your throat and it gave Yuta time to turn around to face you “Did you get your ticket home yet…?“ He looked at you confused and you didn’t blame him. Not a single sigh towards him in almost a month and there you are talking to him all of a sudden all by yourself.

“Why?“

“I… I thought you’re leaving…“

“Why does it matter even if I am?“ He squinted his eyes at you and you felt hurt, but moreover you felt like you deserved it.

“I just thought you’re going to fly back home, I thought you’re hyped about it, that’s it…“ he looked at you with no emotion and continued to eat his rice. “I wanted to say I’m sorry earlier, but I was scared you’ll refuse me… You were just kind towards me and I’m an ungrateful bitch.“ You perched your lips when Yuta took a glance at you. “I never had friends, I don’t know how to take their kindness… my only friend in the past 14 years was my dad, because my mom constantly terrorised me to everything she couldn’t do in her life. I only made friends when I came here. You, and Irene too, just worried too much, I know. I’m sorry…“ you sighed and looked at your knees. Yuta kept on eating his rice with spam as if you were non-existent. “Can a have a bite?“ You caught his attention when he raised a piece of spam to his mouth. “You heard me, I saw you flinch. Now feed me.“ You moved closer to his body, pressing your thigh against his and opened your mouth with a sound as if you had your throat checked up. He turned his head to the side and bit onto his lip not being able to hold back a smile. The next second you were chewing onto the meat. “Rice too.“ He snorted at you but placed the spoon in your mouth regardless.

“Why didn’t you leave?“ The sound of his voice in an empty kitchen made you shiver. It was too long since you heard him talk and you couldn’t hold back a smile when you heard his voice.

“You’re saying all of the boys left?“ You turned to look at him excitedly.

“I said nothing like that.“

“Oh, maybe it’s Jaehyun who told me.“ You stole Yuta’s chopsticks that he laid on the table and munched onto his food quietly.

“Did all the girls leave?“

“No, Wendy’s here.“

“Oh, okay.“ He nodded “Everyone else left, you’re right.“ he inhaled and looked at your mischievous smile.

“It feels like we’re in Harry Potter and everyone left for the Christmas break and we’re the only ones left because I have nowhere to go and your family went away.“ Yuta laughed at you. “It’s actually fun, except for the fact its autumn and they only let us leave because it’s possibly our last chance to breathe in fresh air as simple humans.“

“My flight is tomorrow night, you should go back home too. Isn’t Ilsan near Seoul?“

“It is, but I don’t want to.“ You looked away from him.

“You told me your dad’s…“ you interrupted him the moment you got an idea.

“Hey! We’re all alone in a gigantic apartment. We can do literally anything. Let’s do something nasty.“ You made a movement with your hands all the villains did in movies, thinking of what possibly you could be doing.

“What is nasty in your opinion?“ Yuta’s eyes ran over your face.

“Show me Jaehyun’s room.“ his laughter was probably heard by Wendy three floors above you.

“Why?“

“I’m going to leave a note on his bed that he’s a stinky poo.“

“Very nasty of you.“ He shook his head as if he agreed but you knew for sure he faked it. “Maybe it’s better we watch something and call it a day.“ His fingers took the chopsticks from you.

“Show me your room then?“ You asked mindlessly.

“Oh no, it’s my private space.“

“Yeah private space of you and three more guys.“ Your feet made you stand up quicker than your brain worked. “To the left or to the right?“ You asked and looked for his reaction but he didn’t give you any. “Okay, I’ll start from the left. I’ll have to inspect all the rooms to see which one is yours.“ You wiggled your eyebrows and moved in direction of the first door.

“And how are you going to find out which room is mine?“ his laughter confused you, you wondered if you randomly found out which was his on the first try.

“The pillow always smell like its owner.“ you opened the door quickly and felt weird. Maybe it is wrong to go over all of their rooms while they’re obscene.

“How exciting it must be to smell over 20 pillows, huh?“ You turned your head around at him and chuckled. “Don’t be surprised if there’ll be a weird rumour about you later on.“

“I have a feeling I’m in your room, you’re too nervous.“ You turned around when you could hear him approach. He leaned onto the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. “Is that your bed, should I start my inspection?“ You wiggled your nose at him and turned away to look for signs. You bent to see maybe on the wall next to the lower bed they had something stuck on the wall or something, but there was no sign at all. Your heart dropped to your feet, when you felt Yuta bump into you and grab you by your elbows, making you stand with your back close to him. “What? It’s yours?“ You couldn’t sense him get serious, laughing still.

“I’ll show you the room, fine.“ You clapped your hands, feeling Yuta tug you to walk in that position before him. “But you’re going to guess which bed is mine. If you’re wrong…“ he gulped above your ear “then you’re going back to Wendy, okay?“ you laughed at his conditions but agreed nonetheless. His hands let go of you the moment you stood in front of the first door on the right. You laughed at yourself for actually thinking you guessed at the first try and reached out for the handle, opening the door and walking in quickly. The gut feeling of yours told you Yuta would probably pick his bed on the lower level of the bunkbeds they had in each room. Lowering your head to see for any signs of the boy that stood behind you.

“I’ll lay on the bed I think is yours.“ You sighed and stood in the middle to intrigue him or whatever. You probably looked idiotic and regretted not having Haechan around you for moral support. When it felt like you should make up your mind you laid onto the left bed randomly, you tried to seem confident, even though you chose it cluelessly. Yuta chuckled at you and walked in your direction. “I am right, right?“ You asked excitedly and looked at him, sitting up.

“Hm, what if I led you to the wrong room on purpose?“ His smirk made you realise how foolish you were to believe him, sighing in disappointment. “Close your eyes, I’ll let you know.“ You did as he wished, feeling his body weight on the mattress next to you. His hand brushed against your thigh and you made a weird noise, shivering at the unexpected feeling. Yuta’s bright laughter filled the room and you couldn’t hold back from smiling. The silence ate you alive and it felt like forever since he sat down.

“Don’t tease, I want to know.“ You could feel him lean in and you perked up your ears, excited to hear the answer.

His breathing seemed heavier than usual and you wondered if it only felt this way because you never had his face this close in such silence. You bit onto your lip and wanted to look at him to scold, when he reminded you once again to keep them closed as if he could read your thoughts and you nodded. His body shuffled and the moment after your insides dropped down to your butt. His fingers ran through your cheek carefully, gently placing his fingers behind your ear, leaving his thumb to caress the soft flesh of your cheek. He pulled your face towards him in a quick but very careful motion and now his breathing made you feel hot. You gulped and found your throat dried out.

“Do you think you’d feel wrong if I kissed you?“ His lips were right in front of your ear, brushing against it from the way his lips pronounced specific letters. Your hand grabbed onto his arm unconsciously and he eased his featherlight hold in case you wanted him to let go. You shook your head a no. “Do you… Can I kiss you then?“ He noticed your eyes flutter “Don’t open your eyes yet.“ he sighed and ran his thumb over your cheek.

“I…Yes“ You whispered breathless. He made you feel hot, he made your heart beat in your ears and you just felt like staying in this position forever, right until the moment his lips laid gently atop of yours and you felt like you might’ve experienced a stroke. You couldn’t hold back a light gasp when his lips moved against yours and suddenly the embarrassment hit you like a rock. You wondered if he forgot you never kissed before or if he thought you at least knew how it worked but the fear you experienced from this proximity made all your inner senses numb. If he’d decide to ask you your name right now you most likely won’t be able to find an answer.

“Are you scared?“ He moved his face away just enough to be able to talk. You barely found strength in you to shake your head no and felt his lips in the corner of yours, pecking. “What did you feel then? Open your eyes.“ His nose brushed against your cheek forcing all of your insides to do a flip. “Did this make you excited?“ You nodded quickly and Yuta gulped in a smirk, running his fingers through your hair. “I’m glad, I’m glad I can make you feel excited.“ He smiled sincerely and leaned in once again to lightly brush his lips against yours.

“I’m sorry I’m not good enough.“ You mumbled under your breath when Yuta’s hand angled your head differently.

“Mmh, it’s not true.“ He took a deep breath in, connecting his lips to your jaw. “If you like me too, it’s more than enough.“ Your fingers finally let go of his arm when he blew onto the wet spot on your neck, you couldn’t believe how heavy it made you feel in your lower stomach, grabbing onto his shoulder for support.

“You like me?“ You asked him as if it wasn’t clear enough already.

“Yes, since the first day I saw you from afar. I wanted to tell you I want you to be mine but I had no idea how to say anything in Korean except a simple hi.“

“Has it not been over a year since we’ve known each other?“ You looked at him confused.

“At first I thought you dated Jaehyun and then… then I realised I’m not as cool to do that. I just thought being friends is better than being ignored by you in case you turned me down, but not now, not when you lay in my bed.“

“So it is your bed?“ You smiled proudly.

“You silly girl, I’m trying to confess my feelings to you.“ He smiled at you sweetly and pinched your cheek.

“I just… I don’t know what to tell… nothing like this ever happened to me.“

“You can say that you like me too, or that you don’t. Anything is fine.“

“This room is too warm…“

“It isn’t, you’re just too worked up from me.“

“Don’t get your hopes high, it’s just warm here.“ he chuckled lowly and kissed you once again. “And I never kissed before, it’s only natural to get nervous, no matter who it happens with.“

“Okay, I agree.“ He nodded and moved back from you and you felt like you did something wrong so you caught his hand with yours.

“But you made me feel warm here.“ Your eyes glued his while laying his hand on your lower stomach. “I feel it because I’m attracted to you.“ You said quietly and moved your face in front of his. “Promise to make me the greatest kisser?“ You bit onto your lip and couldn’t help your heart from fluttering when he smiled back at you.

“I’ll try my best for you, baby.“ He laid your lips atop of yours once again and you couldn’t hold back your excitement.

“Jaehyun-ah!“ You exclaimed excitedly and waved at your friend. It’s been the longest in past two years you haven’t seen him.

“Hi.“ he dropped his body on the seat next to you and looked at you weirdly. “Why are you looking at me like that?“ He squinted his eyes at you and made you chuckle.

“Did you enjoy spending time at home?“

“We went on vacation.“

“I envy you!“ You sighed and looked at your hands that were laying on your knees. “You should’ve asked me to go with you! It must’ve been nice!“ You hit his arm playfully and leaned in more to look him in the eyes.

“Didn’t you go home? I would’ve taken you with me if I knew you want to.“ You made a cute sound, wrapping your hands quickly around his shoulders. Your head rested against his shoulder, while your eyes watched the door carefully.

“Did you see Yuta?“

“Yuta?“ his arm that crawled slowly onto your waist let go of you, and you sat back up.

“Yeah.“

“Why?“ he seemed surprised and you tried to remember if you two ever spoke in front of Jaehyun.

“He said he’ll bring Japanese sweets for me, so I’m wondering if he’s back or not.“

“Oh, okay.“ Jaehyun nodded and turned to watch who entered the room “I don’t know actually if he’s back, I didn’t see him yet.“

“Didn’t see who?“ Ten sat down on the right to Jaehyun and stared at you.

“Yuta.“ You said carelessly and sat deeper into the seat.

“Ask John, they’re sharing room.“ Ten looked at Jaehyun probably thinking he was the one who searched for him.

“Why everyone’s late?“ You tried to switch the topic, counting people in the room “There’s like half of us… Did you see new trainee’s by the way?

“No, not yet.“

“I met the girl that came this week, and a guy Donyoung, he said he came 2 weeks ago but I never saw him when I was at the…“ you almost said at the boys dorm but stopped yourself halfway.

“When you were where?“ Jaehyun’s attention was caught on you and it made you feel nervous. You couldn’t come up with anything that you could say.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.“ Irene, Seulgi and Wendy ran in quickly, sitting themselves in the same row with you.

“Where did you three go after practice?”

“Oh…“ Seulgi sighed and you would lie if you didn’t sense something weird in the way they looked at each other.

“We ran into Sooyoung, trainee girl we run into sometimes in the practice room, remember? We chatted a little and lost track of time.“ Irene chuckled and caressed your knee in reassurance.

“Oh, yeah. I heard she’s going to debut in that girl group they talked about.“

“Huh?“ Wendy looked at you confused “You heard about it?“

“Of course.“ You smiled widely. “I so wish all of us will get into that group. It’s going to be so much fun to debut together.“ You could feel your heart beat faster at a single thought of debuting.

“I know, so much fun.“ Seulgi smiled back at you looking away when Irene gave her a look.

“Oh, manager’s here.“ Ten pointed out and made everyone shut their mouths.

“Seems like everyone’s here, great.“ She quickly ran her eyes over the tops of your heads and you couldn’t help but wonder how is that enough for her to recognise all of you.

“I’m sorry, Yuta is actually not here yet, I heard his flight is pretty late.“ The manager sighed disapprovingly at Johnny and paused.

“Well, he should’ve planned everything so he would not be late to an important meeting with everyone. Didn’t I say that everyone should be back by 5?“ Your eyes ran over the floor.

“I’m sure if there was an earlier flight, he would’ve came in time.“ You whispered to yourself madly, not finding enough courage to say something aloud.

“I’m sorry.“ Yuta ran into the room quickly, trying to catch his breath and you almost jumped up from your seat for whatever reason. Your eyes followed him quietly, watching him pick an empty seat way too far for you to watch him comfortably. He breathed heavily and tried to keep quiet at the same time, while the manager stared at him furiously but all you could think about was him turning his head to find you, but he didn’t.

“Do you understand that allowing all of you to go back home is a huge bonus? It’s a privilege we gifted you as payment for your hard work. What next? Going to be late for schedules? You do realise that there’s over 10 people waiting specifically for you? Do you understand that staff at schedules is not going to wait for you like all of us did here? You’re a no one and will always stay as no one if you’ll keep this disgusting behaviour.“

“I’m sorry.“ he repeated again and lowered his head.

“Foreigners like you always seem to think they’re needed here when in fact it’s you who needs us so next time find your lost conscience and get here in time. Maybe you forgot that I can get your Japanese ass out of the Rookies list? Out of the whole company too?“ You bit onto your lip so hard you could feel it start bleeding.

“Please stop.“ You cried out loud and Jaehyun grabbed your hand harshly to keep you quiet.

“Y/n, you have something to say I see?“

“We’re not dogs.“ You stood up and noticed how everyone had their heads lowered.

“Y/n, please sit down.“ Jaehyun pulled onto your hand, whispering to you same three words.

“You’re the only manager that treat us like dogs. We are humans, some of us are probably much better than you are, that’s why you’re bullying us.“

“Get out.“

“Y/n, please say you’re sorry and sit down.“ Irene whispered to you too.

“I will gladly leave and go to Lee Soo Man or whoever there is you’re scared of. I’ll go and tell them.“ You pushed Jaehyun from you and walked quickly towards the door.

“If you’re leaving this door don’t even dream of ever debuting in your entire life.“ She spoke as if she put dots between every word in her sentence. You turned to face the room and got caught up in Yuta’s stare. He lowered his head like everyone else but still was able to look at you from under his forehead. Barely visible movement of his head and you lost your confidence in a second. He didn’t want you to go and he showed it once again with his head movement. “Sit down now and I’ll pretend you never opened your mouth.“ You could sense her fear, if she didn’t feel threatened by you she would not act this way, you just had the feeling.

Yuta’s fingers tapped an empty seat next to him in a swift motion and you quickly sat down next to him, not feeling like crawling over all those people back to Jaehyun. You knew it was embarrassing, making a scene and backing away is embarrassing. You couldn’t hold back tears that prickled your eyes, wiping them quietly while pretending you were listening to the manager’s speech.

“You’re idiotic.“ Jaehyun ran to you with the speed of lightning. “What if she would’ve done what she promised?“ He scolded you in front of everyone. The manager left but everyone still felt pressed down to their seats not knowing if your idea to tell someone about her bullying is a great idea or not.

“So you disagree with me?“ You stood up to face Jaehyun properly “You think I’m wrong for saying we’re not dogs? All of you, right? Scared for your asses to be dumped out of here. I’m the only one who’s not afraid then, sweet. A whole bloody room of pathetic losers!“ You shouted and felt even more pathetic than you thought they were.

“No, Y/n, I agree with you… but there should be a better way to this than blowing up in the middle of the practice room.“ Johnny spoke out of all of them.

“Y/n, let’s think and work this out peacefully.“ Taeyong suggested from next to you. “I agree with you, what she said to Yuta is not how she should talk to us. It could’ve been any of us.“ Jaehyun rubbed your arm and hugged you from behind with his arm, his other slipped down to hold your palm.

“He’s right. We need to go back… school homework is not going to disappear on its own.“ Jaehyun pulled onto your hand.

“Are you okay?“ You asked Yuta carefully, leaving Jaehyun ignored.

“I am.“ Yuta nodded and closed his eyes “Japanese ass and foreigner are actually the nicest insults I’ve heard from her.“ He chuckled and looked you in the eyes as if he heard something funny.

“I’m sorry.“ You glued your eyes to the floor, wishing that people around you disappeared, wishing that there was only Yuta and you, wished that he’d kiss you the way he did it two weeks ago, that evening, before he left back home. There wasn’t a night when you went to bed and haven’t thought of the kiss, there wasn’t a day you didn’t think of hugging Yuta, because the sudden realisation you never even hugged him pained you terribly.

“Let’s go?“ Jaehyun pulled onto your hand making you upset with the fact punching him right now would probably look weird. You looked around the room and noticed how almost everyone have left to dorms, except a small group of people.

“Hey, I thought we can tell you, we’re having something like a little party in our room since everyone’s back and there’s only a month left. Want to come too?“ Mark said suddenly and you looked at him confused.

“It’s just me, Mark, Johnny, Yuta, Taeyong, Jaehyun and you, if you’ll come.“ Hyuck added quickly.

“Can you please bring Koeun with you?“ Mark said suddenly, forcing giggles out of all of you.“

“If she’’ll agree, okay, I will.“ You smiled and nodded.

“Where the two of you are going?”

“Mart, need anything?“ Koeun said carelessly to not draw attention.

“Are you two not scared of getting scolded?” Wendy asked impressed.

“Koeun got sent money from parents, she wanted to buy sweets for our choreography teacher.”

“Yeah, I did.” she nodded quickly and Wendy shrugged, opening the door to her room.

“What if she’ll decide to check on us in fifteen?”

“Wendy don’t care big time.” you rolled your eyes and waved Koeun away.

“Okay.” her head bobbed as you two exited the apartment, heading straight to the stairs that would take you three floors lower. “Why you didn’t invite other girls?” she asked jumping onto each stair.

“Because it’s a secret party. Mark probably invited me last minute because he wanted me to…” you squeezed your eyes at her in a second. “D’you like anyone?”

“Like in what way?”

“Would you kiss anyone?”

“Y/n, what you’re saying!” she made a high peached sound and slapped your shoulder. “Would you?” she asked a moment later and a smile you gave her could only be called as an embarrassing one. “Did you already?” she jumped up holding onto your hand in a painful squeeze.

“I…” you opened your mouth to speak but got interrupted but Koeun.

“I just KNEW you and Jaehyun are the cutest couple ever.”

“What?” you chuckled and pushed her off your shoulder. “I never kissed Jaehyun.” you rang the bell and the door got opened way too quickly for you to not have a jump scare.

“Jaehyun what?” Taeyong asked as he met you with his wide eyes smiling.

“I’m wondering if Jaehyun will sing the song with me.”

“What song?” you couldn’t understand why Taeyong got so invested in your made up story, so you just bent to undo your converse that you wore specifically to walk the stairs because they looked the most decent with your outfit. “We should be quiet, we didn’t tell anyone. It’s in Yuta’s, Johnny’s, Marks and Donghyuck’s room…” watching you undo your shoes.

“What do you have for drinks and food?” Koeun asked excitedly.

“Not much, I didn’t actually check what they brought.” his head turned away when all of you heard a thud on one of the doors. “Shit.” he whispered and froze, you froze too but then thought maybe it’s better to grab Koeun’s hand and run towards the room. You did so and opened the door loudly, making all of the boys freeze.

“Got scared, losers?” you smirked and moved out of the way when Taeyong entered the room too.

“How… how did you know which room is Johnny’s room?” he stared at you confused.

“I heard noises coming from them, you don’t need to be a genius for that.” you bumped your fist into his shoulder lightly and met with Jaehyun’s eyes. He stretched out his hand and you took it gladly, sitting down by his side. You couldn’t help but beam at the way Mark shyly invited Koeun to see next to him. You met eyes with Johnny, who looked more like a proud dad and you had to break eye contact when Yuta moved next to Jaehyun. You looked at him and almost said hi, only to notice that his eyes lazily brushed past you. You felt like someone pinched you and turned to look at Jaehyun who’s smile only grew bigger when his eyes met yours.

“What was the initial plan for the party?” you whispered into his ear like you always did. Jaehyun’s hand slid down your body to find support for him by resting against the floor next to your side.

“I don’t know.” his nose hit your cheek on accident and the both of you laughed loudly.

“Johnny, what’s the plan?”

“Chatting, music and I actually brought ton of food.” he stood up and his tall figure was enough to grab a bag that hid from your eyes on the second level of the bunkbed.

“I thought you guys have something stronger.” Koeun said quietly looking at Johnny.

“What you mean by that?” Mark tried to keep the volume low too.

“Alcohol?” she blinked multiple times.

“Aren’t you like… 14?”

“You’re 13.” she fought Donghyuck for some reason and you turned away the moment their fight got even more pointless and even more heated.

“Want to eat something?” your head shook a quick no at Jaehyun and you looked at your knees. You’ve never been to such a party before but you were pretty sure it could get on the list of the lamest gatherings of 2013 for sure. “I have a lot of board games in my room.” Jaehyun cleared his throat to talk louder. “If anyone wants…”

“I want.” you nodded quickly and he stood up, leaving your back without support from his arm.

“Anyone else?” your eyes ran over the room of unamused by this idea teenagers.

“Ugh… I guess you can bring them and we’ll see.” Taeyong suggested and you perched up your lips.

“Can you help me? There’s quite a few.” you agreed and stood up next to him, exiting the room and following him behind.

“Who do you share your room with?”

“Taeyong, Jeno and Hansol.”

“They’ll feel uncomfortable, I’ll wait outside.”

“Okay.” you nodded and stood next to the door like you were on the watch. Jaehyun took quite a few minutes and you wondered if he got in trouble. Your head immediately turned to the right when you could hear the designated party rooms door open. Yuta walked towards the entrance quietly, not giving you a single glance.

“Come with me.” his voice was emotionless while he put his shoes on.

“I’m waiting for Jaehyun.”

“Come with me.” he repeated monotonously.

“Where to?”

“Mart, come on, put your shoes on quickly.” his hand pulled you towards your shoes and you began to put them on.

“But Jaehyun…” you whispered as you tied your shoe laces.

“Y/n…?” he finally exited the room with a whole lot of board games with him.

“I…Yut…”

“She’ll help pick food at the mart, don’t worry I’ll bring her back to you quickly.” Yuta tugged on your forearm and you exited the apartment while staring Jaehyun in the eyes apologetically.

But as soon as the door closed, there wasn’t a single thought of Jaehyun left. Your head turned into Yuta’s direction in anticipation but instead of catching Yuta’s eyes in response, you were met with the back of his head. His hand let go of you to press the elevator button and the two of you stood quietly next to it.

“Why did you ask me to come…?” you broke off the silence when the two of you weren’t far from the designated shop. If it didn’t weigh on him, it totally did weigh on you. You couldn’t guess he’d want to act quiet after the kiss you shared, you couldn’t wrap your head around it because every time you’d get any sort of reminder of Yuta you’d feel fireworks of excitement in your chest.

“To help me pick food at the mart.” his fingers wrapped around the handle and he opened the door, letting you to come in first. “You can choose anything you’d want to eat. Anything you and Koeun would want to eat.” he corrected him quickly.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” Even his sarcastic laughter and smile made your heart sink.

“We don’t want anything.”

“It’s a lie. Come.” his hand pulled you to the beverages stand. “Juice, coke, soda?” you lowered your head and shook it. “Go pick, don’t make me annoyed.” his hand laid on your shoulder and squeezed it. “Come on.” he said softer and you thought to yourself that maybe it’s his way of showing care. Maybe with food he wants to let you know he likes you the way he meant it that evening. Your fingers reached out for two grape tasted sodas. “You can take more if you want to.”

“Shouldn’t we take some back for the boys?”

“I’m not obliged to buy them shit.” he chuckled.

“Can I take one more, for Jaehyun?”

“Yeah, sure.” he nodded and watched you get the drink.

“Do you not want some?”

“I’ll take what I want, don’t worry.” he bobbed his head at you and pushed you to walk forward, by laying his palm on your back. “Do you want snacks?”

“Just take anything you’d like.”

“You’re eating, right?” he looked at you, taking packs of jelly and crisps.

“I am, stop asking this every time. I didn’t tell you because I wanted whole world to know.”

“Okay.” his nod made you believe the topic was closed and sealed for a while.

“Can you take those shrimp chips? Jaehyun loves them.”

“Yeah.” he nodded and the two of you kept on walking around the shop. Yuta forced you to get ridiculous amount of snacks enough for two shopping bags, that each of you carried back to the dorms. You slowly moved your feet not knowing how to ask Yuta questions, how to get the weight on your shoulders out of your chest. He opened his mouth as if he could hear your thoughts, speaking.

“Are you, by any chance… in love with Jaehyun?”

“I thought we were past that.” you sighed and stopped in front of the building. Going up would mean you two are going to get back to all your friends. “I thought you know who I like.”

“You’re always talking about him, I was just thinking there’s a chance you had feelings for him deep down of you.”

“Why?” for some reason it sounded like Yuta was upset at your reply. “I… I was thinking of you… all those days. I was thinking when you’d come back how could we sneak away. You asked me to go with you and I thought because you missed me too and maybe wanted to kiss me… but I don’t think you did think of any of it.”

“Y/n, I did think of you and the kiss too…” he finally took a look at you and you took a step closer.

“I think I do really like you.” you whispered and stood on your tiptoes to match Yuta’s height.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about when I asked you to come with me.” his fingers held onto your shoulder and he forced you to step back. “I think this is kind of wrong. I know I initiated all of it when you just wanted to see my room, but I think I lost my senses and I should say that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” you furrowed your eyebrows.

“For getting your hopes high. There’s too many boundaries for all of it to go on.”

“I don’t understand what boundaries you’re talking about.” your eyes blinked quickly and you couldn’t believe you were feeling hurt as much as you did right now.

“You’re literally 15. I don’t know where was my brain, but I’m not going to seduce a fifteen year old to be with me.”

“Didn’t you say you like me? From the first day…?”

“I do like you it’s just that we’re not going to work out right now… you’re technically a child, I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I think it’s the best way. I still want to be your friend, I still want to take part in your life and I…”

“So I’m a child?” you interrupted him when your brain finally processed what he did.

“I mean you..” you couldn’t hear what he tried to say when you felt furious.

“Oh, I’m a child, so you decided to deal with this how grown ups like you deal with kids - bought me shit ton of sweets so I’ll eat them and forgive you for whatever shit you’ll try to say? Is that why you insisted so much on buying food? Take your bag and eat it yourself! Don’t try to talk to me ever again, I’m a child who you kissed. I’m sure they’ll kick you out if everyone at the company will find out.” you shoved the bag into his chest and walked quickly inside of the building.

“Y/n, please wait. I didn’t want to fight, I’m doing this for the better. For the both of us. You’re probably going to debut in that girl group next year and things will get messy. I don’t want us to drown, please.”

“I don’t want to hear your lame excuses. Take what I said before as a gift for your tremendous ego.”

“Where are you going?” he walked up the stair behind you.

“My room.”

“Come back to Jaehyun, he’s going to get suspicious.” you breathed heavily and could not agree that Yuta was right about it. You turned to enter the floor with the boys dorm at and waited for Yuta to open the door. He let you in first and without giving his presence any sort of attention, you took your shoes off quickly, running into the room.

“Where did you lose Yuta and food?” Johnny asked loudly and Haechan chuckled.

“He’s behind.” your eyes ran over the room, noticing Mark having a guitar in his hands and Jaehyun sitting with his games on the bed, sorting out cards from one of them. “Did you already play?” you say next to him and watch his fingers move over the cardboard.

“No, no one wanted so I’m just sorting out things.” he seemed visibly upset and it made you upset too.

“Hey, let’s play together?”

”You don’t have to pretend you want to play with me.”

”Jaehyun.” your hand laid atop of his and he raised his eyes to look at you. ”I never lied to you and I’m not planning on starting doing so. Closest person out of everyone here, and well… probably in the whole entire world, remember?” he nodded vigorously at you and finally laid cards with characters drown on them into its place.

”What you want to play?” Your eyes quickly ran over the boxes laying over your best friend.

”Halli Galli? I’m not that much of board game pro.”

”I’ll teach you. I’ve always played games on the weekends with my parents, and sometimes with friends too. It’s fun and helps you to not think about things. It always helped me to get my mind off the upcoming basketball games.” Jaehyun sounded excited while saying all of these things and you couldn’t help yourself but smile at him.

”You’re really passionate about it. There’s not that many 16 year old guys who openly enjoy board games.” You chuckled lowly and looked around to see that no one actually payed attention to you two.

”I’m not openly enjoying board games, I just thought I should bring them here for boring evenings. You’re the only one who knows my secret, shhh.” he raised his pointing finger to his lips, leaning in closer to you to giggle in unison.

”Okay, I’ll do my best to keep it.” you sat back straight and reached for the cards, setting up the bell between you two. The game went by quickly and you couldn’t help but exclaim in pain every time Jaehyun’s hand landed on top of yours on the bell.

”Are you a slow poke?” you laughed at him when for the fifth time in a row Jaehyun was slower than you.

”You’re too quick, give in once.” He whined and once you two placed your cards, you reached for the bell and came first.

”You’re totally a slow poke!” You laughed loudly. ”We should’ve come up with a penalty.”

”What else do you want from me? I already lost.” Jaehyun dropped his back onto the headboard in annoyance and you couldn’t help but lean in to him to hug his disappointment away.

”Come on Yuno-ya” you forced him to move his body when you fell next to him and hugged. ”Do you not want to hug your misery away with your favourite bestie.” You chuckled and felt his hands wrap around you for a second before he pushed you to sit back up.

”Don’t call me Yuno.” He squeezed his eyes at you and began putting all the cards together.

”Why is that?” You chuckled at his antics.

”I’m mad at you for winning, don’t try to get under my skin.”

”Now that you’re grumpy like that I’m not missing my chance to tease you.” his sigh was loud enough for the whole room to hear you. ”Yuno.” You stretched your back and met eyes with Yuta, who you’re pretty sure unknowingly sucked all of the happiness out of your chest. ”I’ll go back.” you announced aloud. ”Eun-ah, are you going to stay for a while or…?”

”I’ll…” she gulped and you could feel she wanted to stay.

”You can stay for as long as you want to.” Yuta said to her but looked at you.

”Okay, I’ll go myself then.”

”Come on, Y/n, stay a little longer, we only played one round.”

”Kids should be sleeping by now and I’m a child so I should head to bed.”

”You’re a child?” Johnny chuckled ”Who said that bullshit?”

”Someone did.” You shrugged and walked towards the door. ”Have fun and good night.” You waved at everyone and left.

December came quickly, and with having your debut as a Rookie right around the corner your whole life got even more turned upside down that it already was.

Getting back to practice after your ‘privileged’ days off felt good, mood of every trainee raising at the thought of upcoming debut, so dorm was mostly filled with teenagers who’s heads were in the clouds.

But more importantly, all of you practiced so hard the only thing you did besides that was sleep. It helped to wash away thoughts of Yuta off your head. Sometimes you’d still catch yourself going back to his lips on yours, reminiscing of what it felt like, what he tasted like, but then you just talked yourself out of it. You were crying over a crush you never even realised you had before he made a move. You were glad now that the two of you left it as it is. At the end of the day, he maybe was right, that things would get messy eventually.

“It’s tomorrow.” you ran into Jaehyun on your way to the dorm, feeling his fingers wrap around yours. “Can you believe it’s tomorrow.” he repeated himself.

“Why are you so nervous?” you chuckled and squeezed his hands back. “They’re just going to post our photos on Facebook.”

“Aren’t you nervous of what people will think?”

“Should I?” you laughed at him and he let you go.

“You’re right, I probably shouldn’t too.” he inhaled loudly.

“I didn’t mean it like that…” You gulped and got back closer to him. Maybe you shouldn’t have shoved your fake confidence in his face, you were maybe more nervous than he was, but showing it meant being weak, and you hated being weak even if it was in front of Jaehyun only. Being weak lead you to believing that Yuta wanted you and were promising yourself to not ever show any type of weakness. “Did you film a singing video?” you asked to move his mind onto something else. “Or a dancing maybe?”

“Did you?”

“Ugh, yeah, last week we went around streets and they shot a quick video of me singing. I wasn’t told much but it’s for their YouTube.”

“Nice… I wasn’t asked for any of that… what if everyone did and I’m just an outcast… I knew I needed practicing and I knew I need to…”

“Jaehyun-ah?”

“Mmh?” he shot his head up out of trance.

“I’m sure you’re perfect, okay?”

“Don’t try to comfort me.”

“What is up with your self esteem?”

“Whatever.” he waved you away and turned to walk.

“Huh? What’s that?” you tried to lift his mood up by giggling. “Want me to hold your hand tomorrow when they’ll post it?” you hung on his hand hidden in the pocket getting outside.

“I do.” he looked you dead serious in the eyes and you swallowed a chuckle.

“Are you actually scared?” you asked him softly and his nod made you regret your previous laughter and stop walking. “Okay, I’ll hold your hand, you don’t have to worry. I’m always around when you’ll need it.” you noticed his ears turn the slightest shade of pink. “Come on, you’re getting cold now.” you pushed him to go.

“I have a laptop, we can gather in our living room. Do you know who else is being revealed?”

“I think Lami and Irene.” you took a second to remember who was on the list you checked last night at the practice room.

“You can ask them to come too.”

“I will, but I’m not promising anything, okay?” he nodded and you hugged him goodbye, leaving the elevator on your floor.

“Oh, you’re alone?” Jaehyun asked disappointed.

“Am I not enough company, Yuno?” you squinted your eyes at him suspiciously.

“I thought they’ll want to gather for this moment.” he chuckled and shrugged after, letting you in quickly.

“They just…” you sighed while taking your shoes off, preparing yourself mentally for a lie. You didn’t want to tell him you never asked them to come. First and foremost because you knew Irene would most likely decline, and because you knew Lami would totally tag along. She was small, cute and irresistible and once you’d suggest you knew she’d accept, so you opted to keep your mouth shut. Not because you were against either of them coming but just because you felt like they were not allowed to see your friends vulnerable side. You just felt like you were the only one who was supposed to live this moment through with him and you found yourself enjoying the idea of barricading the two of you out of the whole wide world. “Irene didn’t want to, duh.” you chuckled, “Lami had school things to do, so yeah… I’m sorry nobody else came.”

“It’s fine, you’re more than enough.” he smiled fondly and invited you to the living room. His laptop stood on the coffee table and the room was surprisingly quiet. You expected to not be left alone with Jaehyun, but all the guys seemed to disappear from the dorm. Your brain suddenly traveled to the other time you were in the same dorm one on one with a guy, beating air for the slightest moment out of your lungs.

“I’m probably acting foolish…” Jaehyun sighed and propped his body on the couch.

“You aren’t.” you sat next to him, craning your neck to look at Jaehyun. “Are we going to see what people are commenting?”

“If you want to, yeah.” he nodded and the face expression he made made his dimples visible. You couldn’t hold yourself back, pinching his cheek right the moment he focused his eyes on the laptop screen.

“You’re acting like a baby now.” you chuckled when he grabbed onto your hand, pushing it off his face. “A big ass baby.” you commented while his fingers ran over the keyboard, opening the right page. The fear you tried to hide hit you suddenly when your eyes could see the logo of the website and you wrapped your body around Jaehyun’s arm.

“It’s you.” he said suddenly, his voice dying in nervousness.

“And you too.” you moved closer to the screen, running your eyes over and over again through the page as if it’s going to change.

“They look young.” Jaehyun read out loud the comment you set your eyes on.

“What’s else in there.” you gulped and reached for the laptop, hiding the screen away from Jaehyun. “He’s handsome!” you couldn’t hide away your smile, looking up from the screen at Jaehyun who seemed to not catch what you said. “The guy is a total visual!” you giggled and hid your face behind the screen to find something else. “I want more info on him. Hm…” you scrolled through “The guy from yesterday was totally hotter.” you met eyes with Jaehyun who finally seemed to listen. “I’m sorry love, Taeyong’s hotter.” you chuckled at the way Jaehyun smiled. “I can see him be the lead vocal.” you sighed “Visual, visual, cutie.” you scrolled mindlessly through comments.

“I don’t believe that it’s there.” he finally spoke and looked at you weirdly.

“It’s there, look.” you turned the screen back at Jaehyun. “I want him to debut soon.” you read the new comment that popped up. “Just admit you’re handsome.” you couldn’t hold back your smile anymore. The compliments you read made you feel as if they were directed at you, for some reason knowing people liked Jaehyun made you feel at ease.

“Let’s see what people think of your singing.” Jaehyun suggested suddenly making that ‘at ease’ feeling fade away in a second.

“It’s probably boring.” you rolled your eyes and hoped he’d move on to something else but he didn’t and the idea of him reading out comments about you made you freezing cold. It wasn’t really the perfect time and place to realise you were deadly afraid of what people think of you, but the thing happened anyway so you had to choke on your emotions and blink away the fear. You just felt like the both of you shouldn’t be scared at the same time, and while Jaehyun already was, you found it only logical to act all tough until the day he takes the lead from you. “Okay, go on.” you rolled your eyes and raised an eyebrow at him.

“‘She looks young.’ You really do.” you wondered if he’s going to add his cute remarks to every comment he reads. “Wow! Vocals!” he raised his eyes at you showing off his dimples. The front door made the both of your attention run to whoever entered the apartment. “Oh, Yuta, hi!” he smiled widely and lowered his head back onto the laptop.

“Hi…” Yuta sighed and you could hear him walk in further, probably noticing you by now. “Y/n? Hi.” you didn’t want to seem weird but you didn’t want to turn around and see him either, so your pride took over and you ignored him. “What you two are up to?” Yuta’s presence made you shiver and even though you still couldn’t see him, you could feel him close behind you. You just waited patiently for Jaehyun to answer and Yuta to leave quickly but neither of them seemed to want the same thing, with the way Jaehyun turned his laptop towards Yuta.

“I’m reading comments under Y/n’s video. We were posted today.” he smiled proudly and you couldn’t understand where that face expression came from.

“What are they saying?“ Yuta seemed invested and you finally turned to face him only to find him leaning in to rest his knee behind you on the couch, balancing with his arm on the backrest of it. His eyes were focused on Jaehyun and you wondered if he tried to pretend you were invisible.

“That she’s a great singer and pretty.”

“When did they say I’m pretty?” you chimed in, moving a bit forward from Yuta.

“I saw it somewhere.” Jaehyun quickly glanced at you.

“Can I scroll?” Yuta moved his body more towards you when Jaehyun nodded and moved his hand onto your shoulder making you gasp in annoyance. You weren’t there to be the stand he can lean onto. “People really like you Jaehyun, I’m proud of you.” Yuta sounded genuine and you smiled at Jaehyun. You could read in his eyes he was happy with his older brothers approval. “You too, Y/n. I would be surprised if someone didn’t find you beautiful.” his eyes focused on you for a little too long before he turned back onto the screen. His body bent over your shoulder for a few more moments, standing up and leaving the two of you one on one again.

“Who’s your favourite at the dorms?” you asked when Jaehyun was still scrolling through the comments section.

“Hm?” he looked at you puzzled clearly missing out the question.

“Who do you think is your real friend here?”

“You?” he asked confused, squinting his eyes slightly in confusion.

“Nah, not me. I’m talking this floor.”

“Oh, this floor.” he closed the laptop to think the question through. “I don’t know, Johnny? I think I get along with everyone and I haven’t thought of it this way… I like spending time with Yuta, and then other guys too…”

“You really are a baby.” you chuckled at him.

“Why is that?”

“I guess girls just built differently. There’s the talk who’s best friends with who, who fancies who. Who’d you want to debut with and things like that. Y’all are just chilled, I love that.” you nodded approvingly.

“So who are you best friends with?”

“I don’t know…” you sighed. “I thought I was close with Seulgi but recently we barely talk and I guess I’m just not interesting to her anymore…” you bit onto your lip. “I’m mostly hanging out with Koeun. Yeri too, but she’s kinda distant now too.”

“Why though?”

“I don’t know… maybe they just don’t like me.” you smiled at Jaehyun and he laughed loudly at your assumption.

“I’m sure they do. Didn’t you tell me about that girl group? I’m sure all of you will debut soon. You’ll get super close once again while preparing, I’m sure. We’ll probably get distant but I’m going to root for you no matter what, don’t worry.” his palm laid atop of your shoulder reassuringly and you squinted your eyes happily. A single thought of debuting with your friends took you to cloud 9.

“Hey, hey, what’s up?” Jaehyun’s arms tried to catch you when you practically flew past him. Your feet walked quicker than you ever thought you were able to and even though you did notice him, there was practically no chance for you to give him any reaction with the way you walked. “Y/n, hey?” Jaehyun ran behind you and had to pull onto your hand when you didn’t stop even when the two of you were half way to the dorm. “What…” his mood visibly changed when he could see your face from under your cap. “You’re crying?” he asked confused. “Hey, what happened?” his voice became visibly softer and you raised your head to see him properly. “I’m confused… what happened?” he bit onto his lip while you tried to contain yourself to speak.

“I saw the final list for the girl group. I’m not there.” you failed to speak more when another wave of tears fell over you. “I know now where they disappeared, I know why I felt left out, I wasn’t the reason, they knew all along. I thought we were friends. I was asked to come for a few practices but I knew something was off, if they said the group is debuting in August and now it’s May, and I literally was asked to come to like a practice a week. I… I don’t… I can’t believe they… I thought we were friends but they just lied into my face, said we’re going to be debuting together.” Jaehyun pulled you for a hug, while your breathing hitched terribly and you knew he could barely work out what you were saying. “They went to practice without me all the time, that’s why Irene always came late to the dorm. That bi… she lied to me when I asked her, I don’t want to sleep in the same room with her. I hate them all! I hate the company!” Jaehyun squeezed your body in his hands tighter and you felt small next to him for the first time in your life.

“Y/n, please don’t cry so much, you’re going to have puffy eyes.”

“You’re like my mom.” you swallowed a chuckle.

“It’s not what I meant.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” you tried to take deep breaths but they still gave away your wish to cry. “My mom is just going to kill me, that’s it. I don’t know how to tell her.”

“I know deep down she’s proud of you and loves you and you being here is enough for her happiness. If it’s not this girl group, it’ll be the next one. Im sure you were crossed off that debuting list because you’re too young for the rest of them. 98 right? Irene’s like 91, the rest of them around her age. You’re just a baby yet, they’ll put you in the next group…” Jaehyun’s fingers caressed your hair carefully. “Or what if their plan is to make a BoA out of you? Our generation BoA, even I’ll be asking for your autographs.” you raised your head from his chest to take in fully his effort to make you feel better.

“I love you so much, thank you, Jaehyun. No one ever cared for me the way you do, I… I never thought I’ll ever be able to have a friend like you. Please, when you’ll find out you’re debuting, don’t lie to me, okay?” you smiled at him with a smirk.

“Love you too, and no, I won’t lie. Didn’t we agree to never lying.”

“We did.” you sighed and lowered your head back onto his chest.

“Do you feel any better?”

“Now yes… but going to the dorm is just sounding disgusting. I’m probably going to fight with them if they’ll try to talk to me ever again.”

“You know… I don’t want us to fight… but I guess it’s really not the girls fault. They didn’t decide on this… and well… I’m sure they wanted to debut with you, it’s just the company and I’m sure it’s for the best. They probably weren’t allowed to tell you.”

“You’re right but still… I can be mad.” you lightly punched his shoulder and sighed.

“You are, I’d be crying too if I were you.”

“Glad to know.” you could feel his chest tremble with the laugh that escaped his throat. “Is it weird if I’ll ask you to let me stay on the couch of your floor…?”

“Probably…” he sighed looking like he thought about options. “Want to come to my house?”

“What do you mean?” you squinted your eyes.

“My house is near, my parents won’t mind, we could probably stay there for a couple of days.”

“Together?”

“If you’re okay with it you can stay there alone…” he chuckled. “You just have to tell someone at the dorm, I’m sure they’ll notice.”

“I’m not their priority, I’m sure they won’t.”

“Oh, stop.” Jaehyun sighed, watching you get from his hold, walking towards the building.

“I’m going to befriend your parents and stay at your house until the day those people move to their personal dorm.”

“Don’t act dramatic.” his hand fell over your shoulders, leading you to the building.

“I’m still hurt and upset.”

“I know, it’s normal. We’ll get over it, I’m sure.” Jaehyun’s hand squeezed your shoulders. “Actually, we were told we’re going to appear on some show.”

“What show?”

“It’s something with EXO, I’m not sure yet, they just said we’re going to start filming soon and we’re practicing for it starting today.”

“Congratulations, you.” you put on a sincere smile even when you were dying inside from your own failures.

“I wanted to tell you, before I realised you’re crying… it doesn’t matter actually, we’ll talk about it another day.”

“No, tell me, I want to know.”

“Exo and all the SM Rookies boys are going to remake 90s songs… I believe original artist are going to come too… anyway… I feel like I’m showing off right now.” he chuckled awkwardly.

“It’s fine, I’m serious. I love hearing you happy, it makes me feel better…” your fingers wrapped over his waist for a quick hug. “Please take Sehun’s autograph for me?” you said cutely.

“You know I’m probably going to be too scared to do so…” he sighed disappointed with his own cowardness.

“Yeah, you’re right.” you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing at his cute face expression.

“Jaehyun-ah?” your head leaned over the wall and you caught Jaehyun’s happy eyes on yours. “Hey, superstar.” you chuckled and walked closer to him.

“Hi, fool. I’m not a superstar.” he hugged you quickly.

“You’re all busy with schedules and I saw a couple of episodes of that EXO program… where’s my autograph?” Jaehyun laughed loudly and finally payed all of his attention to you. The living room of boys dorm was as lively as ever and you suddenly thought you two should go to yours, now almost empty, dorm.

“We haven’t hung out probably in forever.” you propped your body next to his on the couch. “How are you doing?”

“Glad to finally have time to rest.”

“Oh, I told you, you’re a superstar.” you looked around, watching guys doing something in the kitchen. Yuta was there too but you caught yourself thinking you didn’t care about him and turned back.

“He’s like the most liked person on set.” Johnny chimed in and you had to look away to not burst out laughing at his face expression.

“Anyway…” Jaehyun sighed loudly and Johnny moved his body away, giving you private space with Jaehyun, which you couldn’t thank him enough for. You crawled into the corner of the couch and Jaehyun moved next to you, looking you up. “What you’ve been up to? Lots of practice?”

“Yeah.” you nodded vigorously “This… and something else…” you bit onto your lip excitedly to not smile too brightly.

“What? You’re going to debut?” his hand laid atop of his mouth in shock.

“No, better.” you chuckled.

“Better than debuting is what…?”

“I’ve…” you sighed and moved your mouth closer to Jaehyun’s ear. “I’ve met someone and I think he likes me.”

“What?” Jaehyun’s eyes turned into big circles, making his mouth ‘o’ shaped. “Is it someone from the company?” he asked loudly and then lowered his head quickly to not attract attention.

“No, it’s not. It’s someone I met at the mart next to the dorm. I dropped a bill and he gave it back to me. Funny thing I didn’t notice dropping anything, but yeah. He said he’d like to talk to me more and gave me his phone number and he’s been texting me nonstop. He says he wants to take me out soon and I’m nervous…”

“Wait…” Jaehyun sighed and shook his head quickly. “You’re dating him?”

“No, dummy. Im telling you, he talked to me at the mart next to the dorm and asked for my phone number, I gave it to him and he texted me non stop.”

“Do you think he recognised you?”

“Am I a TV star? How could he recognise me? There’s nothing to recognise.” you chuckled at his assumption.

“I don’t know… how old is he?”

“I have no clue… I think our age. He looks young… cute too…” you tried to contain your embarrassed smile at the remark you made.

“Are you like already in love with him or something?” Jaehyun looked at you suspiciously and shook his head, moving his attention onto something else while you were coming up with an answer.

“I’m not that easily convinced, Jaehyun. I have seen him only once, it takes more than that I guess to be in love.”

“Okay.” he nodded and went quiet. The two of you barely spoke about such things and by barely you would probably say never before. You guessed he was uncomfortable talking about all things regarding love and the fact he kept a shroud of mystery over his feelings towards anyone you found it only obvious he let the conversation die. His tongue practically went numb whenever you tried to tease him over girls and you guessed he was more focused on getting his actual job done than you are.

“I was just thinking… When we met and exchanged phone numbers he wanted to walk me back home because I said I live near…“ Jaehyun raised his eyebrow at you “No, I didn’t lead him to the dorm… I walked into a random building and waited until he left. I feel bad for lying.“

“Oh trust me you’ll feel worse if you’ll disclose you’re an SM Trainee living with another 100 of them in this building.“

“Very funny of you, Jaehyun-ah.“

“Where are you leading this anyway?“

“I was thinking of telling him I live at your place but it’s dumb now that I faked I live in that house.“

“Just meet him at the park or something. What’s the problem?“

“Ugh, you’re really annoying, aren’t you.“ You sighed and dropped your head dramatically on the backrest of the couch. “I’m just nervous, I was thinking we can blabber about it whatever and I’ll feel better. I never was asked out before…“ you sighed and he mirrored you. “Have you?“

“Have I been asked out before?“

“This, or have you asked someone out before?“

“Nah…“ He shook his head shyly his ears turn redder than tomatoes “Not many chances to get a love life while you live in a dorm with 20 other guys.“ You nodded understandingly and bit onto your lip. “Even if you’ll like him… don’t open up everything to him, okay?“

“There’s not much to open up.“ you moved your head back up to look at him “I won’t tell him anything about this, obviously.“

“I’m…“ he sighed “Being careful is the key I guess.“

“You’re such a grandpa and a party pooper.“ You rolled your eyes, punching his shoulder lightly. “You could’ve just said something like ‘I’m sure the date’s going to be great and the guy will turn to be a sweetheart! I’m rooting for your love life, bestie!’

“I’m rooting for your love life, bestie!“ He tried to copy the tone of your voice and you gave him an eye.

“By the way, did you meet our new trainee?“

“A new trainee?“

“Yeah, she’s living in the room next to mine.“

“You’re still all alone?“

“I am!“ You chuckled and thought about their 4 person bedrooms “Imagine you were allowed to move into my room.“

“I totally can’t imagine my life without living with three other guys now, I’m sorry.“ You shook your head at him amused.

“Hey love birds, want to watch a movie?“ Johnny moved closer to you two once again.

“Hey, she’s got a boyfriend now.“

“You what?“ Johnny raised his eyebrows.

“Shut up! I don’t!“ You whined at Jaehyun loudly, raising visibly volume of the conversation. The boys tried to keep the teasing between you three but now your whine attracted attention of the boys in the kitchen.

“You don’t what?“ Donghyuck walked in closer, curious.

“Want to watch a movie?“ You craned your neck at him, smiling.

“Okay.“ He agreed unbelievably quickly. “Hey, who wants to watch a movie?“ he attracted more people and now more people sat themselves on the couch. Jaehyun suggested you’ll invite girls from your dorm and a couple of them came too, making the living room packed.

When the movie was over you waved everyone goodbye quickly, and ran out of the dorm. Looking for privacy you ran one flight of stairs down, not expecting anyone to walk downstairs, since all girls lived three floors above. Your eyes ran over the screen of your phone, looking for new messages of your ‘boyfriend’. You could hear girls walk up the stairs quietly, not saying a single word. You sank into the message he sent, trying to come up with a better answer to the question he asked.

“Hey.“ you almost flue up the stairs when you heard a voice next to you.

“Hi.“ You raised your head and gulped, hiding your phone into your pocket.

“I heard your conversation with Jaehyun.” Yuta stood one stair lower and you couldn’t work out why didn’t he sat down.

“And?” you rolled your eyes at him and tried to stand up.

“You should stop texting that guy.” you fell back down facing him shocked. You haven’t given much thought which conversation Yuta could’ve overheard but now it kinda made sense.

“And… why?“ You couldn’t understand where the sassiness in your voice came from, but either way it was already there.

“Do you know him?“

“Hm, is it written down somewhere that you have to know someone before dating them?“

“You’re already going that much forward?“

“Yuta, just go. No one needs your advice.“ his eyes dropped onto your pocket and your head laid atop of your pocket as if he was about to steal your phone.

“Is that him?“

“None of your business.“

“Hey.“ he looked away for a second and his face expression changed when he looked back at you, sitting down on the same stair. “I’m not here to make a scene. I care for you and want only the best… I’m serious, Y/n.“

“Why?“

“Just because.“

“Okay.“ You snorted at his lame answer.

“Whats his name?“

“Jay.“

“And how old is Jay?“

“Our age.“

“Our age is how old?“

“I don’t know. I never asked…“

“Does he know how old you are?“

“Yes, he asked me before.“

“I know you’re going to be annoyed by me saying this… but I think you shouldn’t talk to him.“

“Huh? Why is that?“

“I think he’s going to scam you.“

“You have no right to say that!“

“A random guy you meet next to the dorm, he doesn’t tell you anything about himself but asks everything about you. I’m sure he’s a scammer, I’m sure he saw you on the internet. You can’t just risk everything dumbly like that.“

“How do you know he doesn’t tell me things about himself?“

“You just proved that.“he shrugged “You’re not going anywhere with him, that’s for sure. I’m not going to be surprised if he’ll try to fuck you and then somehow mess with your career.“

“Your imagination is insane, you’re insane.“

“Give me your phone, I’ll prove it.“

“No.“

“Come on, if I’m wrong I’ll do anything you’ll want me to.“

“Fine, but if you’re wrong, you’re not going to get out of it easily.“

“Okay.“ You fished out your phone and put it in Yuta’s hand. He immediately began typing, not even scrolling through the conversation. He sent the message and three dotes signalling that Jay typed back showed immediately. ‘Want to go to a hotel?’ he replied to Yuta’s whiny message that he wanted to meet. “See?“ Yuta’s fingers quickly typed a ‘you want to do what TTTT’ you would’ve laughed at the way he wrote if it wasn’t for the situation “Don’t tell me you think he wants to read books?�� ‘we could get a drink and then we’ll see what I could do with you.’ You swallowed a gasp and looked at Yuta who paid you no attention, submersed into the conversation. ‘Is it weird I’m getting turned on_? kekeke’ getting a reply of ‘oh don’t worry honey I’m getting a hard on from a single thought.’ Yuta locked your phone, putting it to the side.

“So huh?“ Yuta chuckled “Tell me he wasn’t here for fucking.“

“You literally suggested it.“ you couldn’t fight it in you to not fight back even though you could see now he was right.

“I said I wanted to see him, not suggested going to a hotel, drinking and doing shit. Why can’t you just say ‘thank you, Yuta’?“

“You’re wrong.“

“I can’t fucking believe you almost went out with a guy who’s initial plan was to fuck.“

“Stop swearing at me.“

“Is that all that bothers you? I literally saved you right now.“

“Are you trying to feel better about yourself or what?“

“Sort of yeah, I kind of prevented a guy from stealing your virginity against your will.“ You chocked and wanted to fight him, ask him why the hell he decided he knew everything about your body, but then you came up with a better comeback.

“Not the first time someone tried to steal something from me.“

“What do you mean? Someone tried to hit on you?“

“Well he was successful with stealing it.“

“What…?“ Yuta seemed to be visibly taken aback and you would just love to take a picture of his face expression.

“It’s you! You stole my first kiss!” You bursted loudly regretting being this loud on the stairs.

“I asked you beforehand!” He fought back suddenly, visibly feeling at ease.

“It doesn’t matter, you kissed me and ran away.”

“Did that guy steal your second…?” he asked much calmer taking a moment to reply.

“Im not telling you.”

“Did he or not?” Yuta sounded more persistent and you just looked away, shaking your head a slight no, knowing that he’ll notice. “You’re sure you still don’t have any feelings towards Jaehyun?”

“What is up with your questions?” you turned your head back at him with raised eyebrows in one swift motion. Your voice sounded too high pitched for your own liking, seemingly amusing Yuta. He rested his palm against your cheek and your eyes fluttered before you came to your senses. “Move. Your hand. Away.” you put all of your strength to make words leave your mouth steadily.

“I don’t want to.” you couldn’t work out if he smiled to make you mad or if he did it unconsciously.

“What do you want, Yuta?”

“Now that you brought up our kiss I just want another one.”

“Go kiss someone who’s not a child.”

“Whine some more.” he murmured and leaned in, running his thumb over your throat.

“Yuta, I’m serious.” you pushed onto his shoulder.

“Do you need to talk this out?” he sighed and moved back, making you lose any contact. “Let’s talk, I agree.”

“I…I feel like you’re going to do all of it once again.”

“Do what?”

“Make me believe you and feel things for you and then just say that I’m a child.”

“You’re not a child, I was dumb. On top of that you’re not 15 anymore.”

“16 is not much of a bigger number.”

“It’s not, but I found out that the age of consent in Korea is 13, which technically means I’m not doing anything bad if I’m just kissing a 16 year old girl I’m going crazy for.” you couldn’t take his sudden confession, turning away quickly to hide away your beaming smile. “I wish we could have a date.” his chin laid on your shoulder and you shivered every time you could feel his breathing on your skin.

“What took you so long?” you aimed to look him in the eyes but his sudden proximity made you just look forward to not get your faces too close.

“Is it a question to fight or to tell me you needed me?” he moved away a little giving you space.

“Both.” you turned your head to face him, taking not more than a second for Yuta to lay his lips atop of yours. Your cheeks flushed in an instance and the way his tongue slid against your teeth asking for permission to enter your mouth made you wrap your arms around his neck tightly. Yuta leaned onto the stairs behind him with his elbows, allowing for your chest to lay atop of his. Slight panic attack ran across your chest at the idea of him wanting for you to straddle his legs and you pulled back, suddenly realising that the kiss felt way too heated for what you intended.

“What’s wrong?” his hand found your face, caressing your cheek carefully. “Your lips taste so fucking good.” his eyes took a long glance at your lips, looking back at your eyes with a smirk. “Pink and mine.” It seemed like he said it more to himself and you just overheard him on accident.

“Yuta.” you pushed back and sat up, leaving him half laying onn the stairs.

“Yes?”

“I don’t like it.”

“You don’t like what? Me?” his fingers gently ran down the back of your upper arm.

“No, that it’s going so suddenly and so quickly. I don’t want to sit on your lap, I don’t want you to call me yours. What are we even? Nothing. Don’t push it.” he kept quiet, running his fingers up the skin of your arm and down. “And don’t touch me like that too!” you blew up suddenly and chewed onto your lip, holding back tears with your very last breathe.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“This is wrong, I just know it.”

“I know everything gives you stress, I’m stressed too, but this… I’m here to release it. I want to love you because I know I can make you happy and you can make me happy too.”

“I’m not going to be able to give you what you want.”

“And what is it you think I want?” he chuckled and sat on your level. “I’m genuinely curious.”

“Sex?”

“And besides that?” Yuta noticed your teary eyes, rubbing the back of his palm against your cheek.

“More sexual interactions…?”

“Anything else?”

“I don’t know.” you said confused not knowing what exactly he wanted to hear from you.

“Why is that bothering you so much? I’m not asking for sex right now, and not planning on asking you for sex any time soon either.” he took a pause to lick his lips and it struck you suddenly how actually attractive he was. “Eventually, you’ll be the one begging for release and I’ll remind of your words angel, trust me.”

“I’ll just say it. I heard you talking with Johnny about that girl you sleep with, I heard a lot and I know I’m not that.”

“I don’t sleep with her, I slept with her. And there’s no way I want you to be like her, i was not even thinking of sex with you but you’re hammering the thought into my brain right now.”

“So you never thought of it? Because I’m not attracting you in that way?”

“Oh God, Y/n, stop.” Yuta rolled his eyes in annoyance and pulled your chin to him with just two fingers, brushing his lips slowly against yours.

“Yuta, I’m serious, didn’t you say you agree we should talk.” you tried to push him away once again, but Yuta got glued to your body.

“Mmh.” he mumbled in reply, moving his lips onto your jaw. “I’ll agree with anything you say.” his tongue licked your neck and he raised his head suddenly. “Does the corridor seem too warm for you?” you chuckled at his sudden remembrance of what you told him that night. “Do you feel warm down your stomach?” he murmured and placed his lips on yours again.

“I’m not telling you.” you whispered out of breathe when he finally moved back.

“I know exactly what you’re feeling.”

“How come?”

“I can sense it in the air.” a throaty chuckle escaped his mouth and you shivered. “Your sexual frustration is going to get the very best of you too soon baby, trust me.” his lips pecked yours and he jumped up unexpectedly. “Let’s go, I’m sure you need a break before you flood the building.”

“Yuta!” you punched his shoulder blade while his hand tugged you behind him.

“Oh, by the way. We should keep this to ourselves.”

“Okay.” you nodded understandingly.

“Not even Jaehyun.”

“But why? He would understand.” you whined a little. You were planning to run to Jaehyun right after.

“If you’re telling him, you’re breaking my trust, you get me?” you nodded quickly and Yuta pecked your lips satisfied.

668 notes · View notes