#oops im infiltrating

[leahrintarou]

can you please please please please pretty please with a cherry on top write a smut fic with a mean dom kita, but he still showers you in touches and fulfills your needs ? just like …… please make him so dirty, filthy mouth mean, and depraveddddd i NEED himmmmm (oh and breeding kink might fit in here too oops :D)

🎃 Kita Shinsuke - Hard Dom

Warnings: hard!dom kita x fem reader, jealousy, fem bodied reader, mentions of kita looking at other women, penetration/stimulation, barely noticeable breeding kink lol, im not used to writing hard dom guys so um i hope i did a lil sum sum with this lmao

Word Count: 1.9k

kita's hand increasingly squeezed the plush of her thigh, daunting her with her inability to focus solely on the screen. tighter it got, as every jumpscare played out. their living room was dim, the television sharply breaking the lack of light with warm and gray-scaled radiance. flashes of images spouting from its glint. her legs were enclosed around her boyfriend’s infiltrating digits with what she thought was an innocent gesture; though, unbeknownst, it soon came to be much more.

their night started off rather uneventfully, as their exhaustion made itself apparent from their long day out with friends. walking around aimlessly was the one thing that fuelled the drag, but not without feelings of isolation. With the pairing of cold shoulders accompanied by prolonged silent treatments, y/n didn’t dare confront kita with her mindfulness of when his gaze lingered on the faces of some of the women in their friend group. 'It's just basic manners of eye contact; he’s not doing anything wrong' is what she would relentlessly repeat to herself.

even though she'd try to convince herself that her boyfriend was never the type to do such a thing, his friendliness would counteract her ideas of hope with doubtfulness. kita noticed how she'd loosen the grip between their interlocked fingers whenever he'd share a laugh with one of the girls. how her smile would falter when he turned his head to converse with them. though this detail was small, he still picked up on how y/n would have him repeat his sentences because she 'didn't hear' him, even though they were within a finger’s reach of each other. all she craved was his attention, even if it were to be extended by a second.

tensions clouded their drive back home. in an attempt to swat away the fog, they mutually agreed to watch a newly released horror movie in the silent hopes of easing their obvious discomfort. kita began to develop the trait of learning to hide his emotions, which would prove beneficial to his volleyball team as it kept the opposing side guessing what course of action he’d take. Though, as they say, opposites attract. Someone could tell how y/n was feeling from miles away due to her expressive body language. nevertheless, as they sat together on the couch, whether or not y/n relished it, the way she leaned in closer to kita's person as his digits danced against her skin, kita had no trouble being able to read her true, undisclosed feelings.

y/n finally turned her head, breaking the session of excruciating silence and giving kita a lustful glare before placing eager kisses on the crook of his neck. despite the shower that he'd taken just minutes prior, the now-faint scent of his cologne still lingered within the pores of his skin, which she so desperately wanted to bury herself in.

one thing, of course, led to another, and that's what brought them here. kita's hands made restless motions of pleasure with the inserting motions of his digits in and out of her sex. y/n was already becoming a breathless mess at his lack of mercy with her. already coming to her high at least twice already; however, kita was seemingly unpleased. his eyes lingered on the screen of the tv while y/n hugged his arm to try and ground herself to reality while next to him. he forced her to keep her legs spread because if she were to do otherwise...

"i'll stop everything completely."

he said, his eyes still on the TV as he seemed dazed. y/n let out moans as his palm would slightly graze over her bud every once in a while. was he doing this on purpose? of course. did y/n have to know that? absolutely not. and even if she did, it would be the least of her worries since now the movie was coming to an end, which means that kita's attention was now fully focused on y/n. this might've sounded like a good thing a bit earlier in her day, but right now she knew that kita would observe the entirety of her while putting every damn thing on either of their bodies to good use. 

"shin, 'm s-sensetive. slow down for a sec-" her voice faltered with every other word. it was a sight to see, to say the least, and while kita knew he had the ability to follow through with her request, what was the fun in that? he smiled, leaning closer to her ear before placing a kiss on her temple. "why should I? my sweet angel was just complaining about how I gave my attention to other girls, and now she can't handle what she asked for." y/n let out a whine when he fixed his wrist to reach even further inside her. "you're being ungrateful, sweetheart."

kita used his thumb to now give her aching bud more of the attention that he spoke of prior. y/n was immediately sent over the edge at the overwhelming feeling, and the heavy moan that fell along with it was music to kita's ears. his lips wore a smirk of satisfaction when her legs shivered, desperately trying to stay in place as his previous warning was in the back of her mind. "those thoughts of yours can be really stupid sometimes, y/n." he says, his fingers slowing to a pace that would be bearable for her in her state of sensitivity. y/n noticed and was grateful for this gesture of his.

kita used her freehand to sturdily grip y/n's jaw, forcing her to lock eyes with him. "say it, y/n." he started, his eyes flickering down to her sex as he spoke his next words. "say that you're a stupid girl who lets this aching hole think for her." his fingers entered her sex a bit roughly, making y/n wince from the sensitivity. y/n's eyes glossed with unrecognizable and uncontrollable emotion. kita smiled slightly when her legs fluttered closely around his hand. he watched intently, looking back up at y/n with daring eyes that silently said, "close them and you'll realize that I meant what I said, earlier." even despite her many releases, she didn't feel all that satisfied, so she forced herself to think of something else. well, tried to at least.

all she could mutter was, "you're so mean, shin.." y/n whined with a slightly visible pout on her lips. kita released y/n's jaw from his hold as he watched her let out a breath from the action. he quirked an eyebrow, watching y/n's sex as he slowly removed his fingers from her at a slow pace. her arousal coated his digits and leaked down the back of his hand and palm as he held it up in front of both of their opposing faces. "am I, sweetheart?"

y/n was reluctant to give an audible answer, so she sufficed with a nod. "i just don't want that thought crossing this empty head of yours again." he laughed, his tongue skillfully catching the traveling arousal that'd made its way to his wrist. "i'll give you what you asked for, and you're going to take every ounce, got it?" he said, using the pads of his middle and ring finger to swipe a bit of her own arousal onto her bottom lip. he leaned in for a sloppily shared kiss, and as he pulled back, his freehand ran down her abdomen before stopping just barely under her belly button. he pressed into the area slightly, y/n shivering at the bitter temperature of his finger tips.

"is this where you wanna feel me, sweetheart?"

he asked, gently trailing his fingers further up, now stopping above her belly button and below her sternum. "or do you wanna feel me here?" y/n let out a whimper when he pressed into the area with much more force this time. "can you take all of me, angel?" y/n nodded eagerly at his words. kita wasted no time pulling his bottoms down to his thighs, revealing his erected member. y/n knew kita wasn't the type to come apart as quickly as his endurance allowed him to go on for hours.

he quickly placed his hands on her hips, lifting her to straddle his lap instead. he knew y/n was still sensitive, but that made it all the better for his chance of pushing her over the edge. y/n felt tears prick her eyes with a sting as he shifted her to swifly allow her to slide down onto the entirety of his member. kita let out a low groan that almost made y/n tip over the edge.

he found the whole situation pleasing, and as he admired her pleasure-filled features, he lifted her hips slowly before allowing her to fall back down, her thighs meeting with his own bare lap. he continued these motions, seemingly getting off from the friction, of course, but the way y/n reacted to every touch was just as arousing as ever. her whines met with the crook of his neck, and even as she tried to kiss him to muffle her sounds, he pulled back so he'd be able to hear every indication of her climax approaching once more. y/n was obviously displeased by his teasing, but she couldn’t worry anymore about that when he spoke, startling her just a bit.

"if you wanna cum, you gotta do it yourself, sweetheart," he smiled, and with that, he let go of her hips and instead rested his hands on the sides of her thighs. y/n's legs were practically burning, and she knew that he was dead serious, so she mustered up the limited amount of energy that was only being fueled by her pure desire to push herself away from his member, only to meet with his lap once again. kita watched intently, admiring where their bodies connected, letting out a stringy moan at the sight of his girl. y/n was nearing her high, and it was obvious when she gripped the fabric of his shirt with force. "do you want it inside of you, angel?" he questioned, following her lolling head as the energy was being drawn from her being with every movement of hers.

her eyes widened as kita hurriedly awaited an answer. she honestly didn't know whether to say yes or no. ultimately, though, it was never her choice. her body agreed with the first option. "speak up, y/n. i need you to talk to me." his voice was comforting and calm, and y/n knew this was his way of easing any pressure that she might've felt. Momentarily after, she nodded, kita quirking his brow, unsatisfied with her lack of audibility. "with your voice, sweetheart."

she let out a whine of his name before following out with his request. kita gave into his pity felt for y/n, once again firmly gripping her hips to aid her in riding out her approaching climax. they let out synchronized sounds of pleasure as their highs finally approached one another. y/n panted heavily, breath fanning kita's cheek as he admired the slight jolts of pleasure that continued to coarse throughout her body. his warm arousal settled in her sex as kita pulled her to his chest, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

"was i too mean for you, angel?" he teased, letting out a small laugh as she nodded to his words. "then how should I receive your forgiveness?" with that, she lifted her head, already knowing the intentions behind his words. "shinsuke, I'm tired-" she mumbled with a groan.

"how about a two-minute break then?"

"just...TWO MINUTES?" 

I HOPE U ENJOYED THIS, IT WAS A LAST RESORT CHAPTER FOR KINKTOBER THIS YEAR :) !!

Taglist: @meowmeowmau @jiwooahae @sunaemoby @diana7was7here @msbyomimi @chocoweird0 @riiceandsoup @issllaaa

[toxooz]

i'm sure you've described them before but i can't find anything on it so, could you describe the skate squad's powers if they have any?

idk if would say powers moreso just abilities BUT

Ponti with his HUGE ARMS can smash rip tear crunch squish impale ect. his bigass tail can put a hurtin too he can easily hold down a body under there, His ears can hear for miles if he really focuses, and finally his infamous death roll which is basically a gator death roll where they latch onto a limb and twirl tf outta their body

Abios eye has a bunch of phycological powers (oops) and can infiltrate the frontal lobe and get into someones head, see memories (spoiler alerttttttt 👀👀), and can manipulate feelings by controlling the brains chemical production, and probably a lot of other cool brain stuff i gotta get back on my neuroscience im rusty 😔 his eyelashes also emit pheromones that aid in all his succubs stuff but its close range

Ollie n his big brute strength ofc the fact that orcs are naturally super buff n strong but also his demon features where he does the thing similar to Gandalf when he makes the room all dark and terrifying when he's not fuckin around (it was heavily inspired by that) Ollie can make a room go cold and dark from his '''aura'' for lack of better word. His presence gives you the same chills as seeing a ghost and makes you hallucinate ect. That why when he does that ppl typically get too caught up in their body's fight or flight overdrive to be able to think clearly. I'd like to think he gives off Large Animal presence like as if u were in front of a horse or lion and that feeling is amplified when hes indoors lmfao AND he can also 'get in the head' as well like he can say some demonic shit that echoes off of the inside of the skull and can shake the very core of the soul (probably sounds like Sauron in tha head)

Kariiii has her dragon fire that's super hot and glittery so she can be a lil master of illusion if she wants. I'm thinking abt giving her gecko hands n feet so maybe she can climb on walls too if not she can still climb with her wing claws. She can lick her eyeballs and shes also got some fairy pizzaz that kinda works like a special 'aura' as well. She does have a hoarding pink things problem but she makes sure its at least presentable for the most part pfft

Remy oh bOI he doesn't have much goin for him but i think hes kinda got what Ollie's got just to a miniscule extent like he can make the room feel uneasy if he's all sulky and angsty but its only enough to mildly scare or irritate not so much 'strike fear into the hearts of men' cause hes also got that everlasting shadow over the eyes

he can climb like a monkey with his tail ( so can Abby) so ig he's rlly good at parkour

Oscar's got his slime that can be a blessing or a curse when it comes to sticky situations and in the water he's kinda a menace he is SUPER agile and uses his ears for fins when he swims. He's got a 2nd jaw in his mouth for grabbing prey and those teeth carry a nasty bite

Vinny may be soft n fluff but he's also got his lil needle claws and teeth and can be really flexible and agile as well cause son cats WILL fuck u up when theyre angry

[mistresxxx]

Couldn't resist

Ghost x afab reader

This man has been stuck in my head for MONTHS so I had to write. Once again I'm barly getting into writing sumt so please give me a break. This was kinda rushed, I wrote this in about an hour. Nun the less enjoy

Summary: all of task force 141 were having drinks at the base, you got a little to flirty with alejandro.

Warnings ig? - foul language, p in v, rough sex, a drip of praise, ghost just being an asshole. I honestly feel like this man dosent know what calm sex is. He's just aggressive, 18+ minors go away thank you ♡

It just started off as drinks, harmless really. All of task force 141 got done with a mission and thought they'd celebrate with some drinks at the base.

You where not new but had only been apart of 141 for a year. Price walked in with a bottle of vodka "this is apart of my personal collection so you lads should be happy im sharing" he laughed "just pour some shots captain" you smiled back " impaciencia somos ahora?" Alejandro spoke before taking a sip from his beer. You took a shot and looked at him "solo tratando de pasar un buen rato" he leaned in "Sé cómo mostrarte un buen momento hermosa." You smiled "me gustaria eso señor~" you purred. Before you and him could go any further ghost slammed his gun on the table. Which made everyone look over at him "oops" he looked at you.

After that ghost grabbed a bottle of bourbon and went to his room, soup tried shouting "COME ON L.T LIVE ALITTLE" but all that was herd was a slamming door.

The night was calm, soup, gaz and ruddy where playing uno while plastered. Alejandro and price where sitting at the table sipping on there beers going over paper work and you where just watching the three boys act like 5 year Olds. You got tired and decided to go to bed.

The next day was another mission so the boys had to shake the hang overs, which they oddly did well.

Before 141 head out they said goodbye to alejandro and ruddy since they where getting on a plane back to Las Almas. Alejandro went to shake your hand and pulled you in "Quise decir lo que dije princesa" you pulled away wide eyed he smiled at you and started walking away "hasta pronto hermanos" ruddy yelled. You felt a pair of eyes on you, of course they where ghosts. You just walked away.

Price had you and ghost stationed on a building, 2 snipers ready if need be. The rest of the men would infiltrate the building and try to get the drug lord out as peacefully as possible but everyone new that wasn't going to happen.

----------------------------------------------------------

"Do you two have eyes on the target?" Price asked. "Yes sir" you and ghost both spoke, "alright good we're going in now, wait for my call. Soap and his team will go in a little while after us, out."

You leaned back looking at ghost who was still staring threw the scope of his sniper. "He said he'd call it you don't need to keep watch" you spoke matter of factly "don't care" ghost sharply stated. You rolled your eyes and asked "what's been with you lately? You slammed your gun down on the table last night when me and alejandro were talking and you stared daggers into me and him early today." He stayed silent, you then got more annoyed at how dry he was acting so you decided to push his buttons. "Ohhh I know what this is about, you don't like we where flirting with eachother?" He still said nothing trying his dambist to just stare down the scope. You pushed further "come on ghost we fucked once. one time. Dosent mean you get to be mad im was flirting with someone else." Nothing said. And futher you pushed "what is it you scared he might fuck me bet-" your words where cut off with a hand aggressively put around your throat. "You need to learn to shut the fuck up." He looked down at you "oh so he dose speak" you chuckled. Which just pissed him off more. "What do you want "y/n" you smiled "for you to fuck me obviously."

Before you could react he had you up against the wall. "We're making this fucking quick. Pants off." He spoke annoyed. "Yes sir" you smiled. You pulled your panties and your pants down to your ankle. he lifted you up on top of a box that was in the room with you to. He slides 2 fingers in "already wet for me? Fucking slut, you wanted this." You grinned your hips "mmhmm maybe I did" you smile "you annoying little shit." You can see him roll his eyes threw the mask before pumping his fingers into you faster. "Ghost we're entering the building you see us?" Soap asks over the coms, you forgot soaps team hadn't gone in yet. Your eyes widening. "ghost how copy" soap questions "you stay fucking quite" his hand that was on your neck moves to click the button to speak "affirmative I see you. Y/n just wouldn't shut up." He chuckles before shoving his fingers as deep as possible into you. You throw your head back and moan before soap can hears, ghost cues off "ha alright I'll let you two know if we need your guys help sit tight. Out" soap says before entering the building. That was the least of ghost worries "copy" after ghost answer he takes his fingers out of your cunt. "Get on your stomach" Ghost commands. You happily do so "good girl~" he spoke, which made you clinch around nothing. all you could hear after that was the sound of his belt unbuckleing and his pants hitting the ground.

He lines himself up and bends over so his mouth is right by your ear " you annoy the shit out of me so I'm gunna fuck you then your gunna shut the fuck up and stop acting like a fucking slut. Got it." You look up at him "yes sir~ please just fuck me" he chuckles "pathetic" he then slams into you, he gives you maybe a minute to adjust before he sets a relentless pace, your head hanging low while you moan in ecstacy. "Yes fuck, oh my go- just like that" you don't know what your saying at this point you just don't want him to stop. He grabs you by the throat and pounds into you more "you voice is so- ah fucking annoying" he is fucking you like he hates you and for some reason it turns you on more.

He's hitting all of the good spots, you feel that knot in your stomach tighten "fuck gho- im gunna uah c-cum" you whine "then play with your clit and cum. I'm not doing all the fucking work." He won't admit it to you but god the way you moan when he fucks you sounds so good but he has to be quick you two are on a mission for fucks sake. It's not long before your cumming, your back arches one hand on the box the other going from your clit to his hand that's on you hips. "Fuck yes oh my God yes" ghost slams into you a few more times before he pulls out and starts to put on his pants.

"Wha but you didn't cum?" You start to fix your hair and pull you panties and underwear back up, he gets closer. "Were on a mission, if im gunna make a mess out of you I'll do it back at the base. You got what you wanted so now I'll get what I want later." You smile and look up "oh so well continue this later?" You ask smugly "sit down and shut up."

----------------------------------------------------------

Mission went successful as always and once everyone was back at the base and everyone was in there rooms. You where at your desk doing paper work when your phone dinged, you looked over at it when it read *message from L.T*

"Time to hold up your end of the deal princess"

[princess-of-the-corner]

jfng im sorry but i hella thought "Chloé training in theater with Alfred and the other family members, mainly for spying/infiltration/etc purposes is the acting training Zoe wished she could have"

oop

[yonpote]

honestly back in 2017 when i first made a dnp twitter account, i didnt really make it bc i was fixated on dnp. i could have easily just continued to be a casual watcher. but when i saw how the community operates, i was obsessed. like im more obsessed with phandom as a culture than with dnp themselves, ykwim? like all these new terms, forbidden text, in-jokes, theories, transformative works, i just needed to figure out how all this operated. cuz it felt so different from every other fandom ive been in, including other youtuber fandoms. like idk how to explain it! the underbelly and inner workings of this community just fascinates me to this day! at first i felt like an outsider infiltrating this weird community for my own freak purposes, but then i actually became a part of it????? oops! but i still felt a bit outcast back then and ended up leaving. i only returned because i just missed having that outlet so much and dan and phil were starting to do SO MUCH and it was 2022 and dan is actually uploading to youtube and phil is posting videos called "DAN IS LEAVING ME" i was like FUCK i gotta go back. and now its present day and i dont think im ever gonna leave this time....

[httpiastri]

some quick notes from your previous reply (i’m sorry i took so long ive been so busy recently but i finally have time now so):

firstly, i hope i never meet a handball player irl, ever. the fact that you just casually know people above 200cm?? i’m sorry but i’d actually feel like a pest around everyone 😓😓 (plus id get really jealous of heights) and id also be terrified to even stand near anyone close to 200 pls

and omg the fact that the guy who got you into coaching recently passed? i hope you’re doing okay 😓🙏 but if it helps— he may not have known how much he changed your life, but through coaching, you’re basically keeping his legacy alive, yeah? i think it matters, personally, that people are remembered and honoured and you’re kinda doing that through coaching, because you’re kinda solidifying (if that’s the right word for it) the fact that he existed, and he did enough good to change the lives of people for the better, and that his time here on earth wasn’t all in vain because he did good and he brought joy to people like you by leading you to being a coach and that his impact lives on even when he’s gone yk? it’s a form of closure, i think— to know that even if someone is gone now, there are pieces of them scattered behind in little things (in your case, in your daily life as a coach), and that not all is lost, just a little harder to find

also oops the fact that i called them girls even though they’re only a barely a few years younger than me 😭😭

and omg pepe would 100% make me feel comfortable meeting him at a race even if he might be stressed and no way you got to go to races at 8?? you had a chance to be one of those cute kids probably decked out in merch (if no merch was involved you probably got to scream happily at everything and good for you😭😭 because thats exactly how races should be experienced)

finding sponsors can’t be that hard… we could infiltrate the space in various ways im sure (my friend’s mum knows someone who works for Marlboro that gets invited to races bc the company was an EX-sponsor so anything’s possible)

on a rather unrelated note— pepe’s been acting very much like a muse for me recently… whatever that might mean… (might even be nothing honestly sometimes i don’t know what i mean either)

anyway! as always, i hope you have a lovely lovely friday, and weekend, and june (pepe’s month!), and that people are kind to you and that the sky looks beautiful and gorgeous all the time ❤️❤️

- 🪷💗

gosh dont apologize :( esp since you know im bad at answering….. its alright 🥺 just glad to hear from you 🥺🥺

shdjdhd it do be scary to meet really tall people!! when im around the men's team i work with sometimes, i almost get neck pains bcs staring up at them is so hard 😵‍💫 and i have this other job where i have to like sit by the court and do things for the match, and when players come over to talk to me and they literally tower over me???? insane 😶 but yes i too get jealous of heights, esp since in handball it's good for girls to be tall too so everyone around me is always tall asf? ive always been considered to be a tall person in school but at 175cm i am nowadays considered short in the team i currently play in 😐😐😐 so yes i feel u aaa (also several of the girls i coach are my height already and just. pls stop growing, you're scaring me. 🥲)

ALSO OMFG i almost forgot to answer this but i had a thought yesterday.... about my favorite volleyball player being 188cm and i thought "hm that's not very far off from pepe" so of course i have now started thinking about volleyball player!pepe 😶 idk if you enjoy volleyball aaaaaaa but i just thought about his height and his big ass hands that would make hitting the ball easier and just..........

thank you, im doing okay but it's still weird to imagine? because i haven't really had anyone close to me (or even semi-close) pass away so it's a very new experience, being in his neighborhood (very close to where i live) and thinking "oh what if i see him in the shop like that day-" before realizing... but god you put it in such a sweet way, im lowkey teary eyed :( i will continue to do my best to keep his legacy alive and honor him through my coaching!!! he created this thing that became so important to me and for that i will be forever thankful. but yes i agree, it means that he brought more meaning to my life and therefor also the girls i coach, and that's such a beautiful thing. it's life, i guess 😭 so hard but also so sweet...

skdjfhdjjf dont worry, i call them "children" to their faces very often even though some are even 16 😁 but to be fair ive known a lot of them since they were nine so to me they're still babies :(( also you being that young and still so smart is so cool and cute aaa

no because i have imagined meeting pepe MANY times and i really really think he would be so sweet about it. very happy that i recognize him and like "aw hey it's okay! no tears please" when i cry 😭 and i think he also would agree to do a silly pose with me for a photo aksjdhfjkdf 😭 i sadly didn't buy a lot of merch BUT (did i mention this already?? then i will be so insanely embarrassed....) we did get me a kimi lotus cap for obvious reasons 🥺 that i still have to this day actually !!! and ofc we took a pic of me next to the lotus truck 🤭 (also realizing now that i wasn't 8, i was 9 or 10 🤣 well well)

oh! then i think we can pretend to be your friend's mum's friend's kids? so we should also be invited?? or maybe we just need to get a job somewhere that has connections and can invite us..... to be fair my dad wrote to dino beganovic's manager or something about sponsoring him just for funsies (idk how u mean to sponsor someone just for fun tho 😶 he was like "what if i get my company's logo on his car and in return we get to come into the paddock once?..."), but then the manager responded with a full deal and stuff and my dad just got scared 😭 but we should keep looking, i'm sure we can find a good sponsor for us 🥰

aaaaa that's so sweet 🥺 i love that 🥺🥺🥺 if you feel like talking further about it, im all ears 🥰

aw dalring i hope you have an even lovelier lovely friday and week and month and year !!! and yes yes pepe's month, i think it will be very good to us all (esp him!!!!!!!) 🥰 i think that maybe the world listened to your ask because the sunset was so gorgeous tonight 🥺 so thank you for that <3<3

[patchdotexe]

doip. / 9.15.23: Axeholm, again

joins call. jorb tells me that they're discussing if we'd rather fight one horse-sized spoink or several spoink-sized horses We Are Now Talking About Pikmin.

LAST TIME, ON DERAGON IF ICESPIRE PEAK: OUR HEROES ARRIVE AT HTE OFORGOTTEN DRAWRVEN FORTRESSO GF AXHOLE . WE . FRONT GATE LOCKED. CAREFUL INTILFRATION , IM FUCKING THIS UO PSO BA D. DAUBLE. HOWEVER, A HORRIBLE STENCH PERMEATED THESE HALLS, AND THE SOURCE WAS QUICKLY DISCOVERED TO BE FOUL DWARVEN GHOULS ROAMING THE HALLS. AREPO'S RESEARCH SUGGESGTED AXEHOLM HAD FALLEN TO A BANSHEE IN AGES PAST. WILL OUR HEROES BE ABLE TO SECURE AXEHOLM? FIND OUT…….. TODAY! THIS SUCKS SO BAD

Last time, on Dragon of Icespire Peak!

Our heroes arrived at the forgotten dwarvern fortress of Axeholm, seeking to ensure that it's safe for refugees from Phandalin should the need arise. Upon arrival, they found the front gate locked, but after a careful infiltration through arrows slits in the walls, Dauble was able to open the doors for the rest of the group. However, a horrible stench permeated these halls, and the source was quickly discovered to be foul dwarvern ghouls, roaming the halls in undeath, including one carrying a signet ring with Axeholm's crest. Arepo's research suggested that the fortress had fallen at the hands of a banshee in ages past, which may well still be haunting the lost fortress. After several battles against the risen, and more yet to come, will our heroes be able to secure Axeholm? Find out, today!

DIRECTLY INTO INITIATIVE! right i forgot we left off right before an encounter fixing the issue from last time of "deleting tokens blows up initiative" by putting invisible men under the ground. like fallout nyx put on 1 Hour Of Silence Interrupted By Pikmin Noises and got jumpscared

green: my father was a pikmin jorb: oh! green: don't ask.

arepo's up to bat! time for vicious mockery. oh hey we can see healthbars now jorb: how are you giving kepesk bardic inspiration? green: you just hand it to me.

[insert the "dauble!" "boggle!" conversation Again - NYX HAS ONCE AGAIN BEEN JUMPSCARED BY PIKMIN nyx: ok im normal, im normal. i have a pikmin on my shoulder but its vibing, im here jorb: wildshape into a pikmin. 2 inches tall

dauble does not wildshape into a pikmin. dauble is using word of radiance! -oh they're not close enough nevermind. wait no they've moved into range. WORD OF RADIANCE!

oh right. walls exist. kepesk sadly cant clip through walls. thankfully attack of opportunity bounces right off him!

hm. gettin kinda crowded in here

HOLY SHIT MY CROSSBOW WORKED. IT ACTUALLY GOT A KILL FOR ONCE. WILD . also used a nat20 to annihilated a guy with 2hp left Consultation Saving Throw - ah oh no dauble is now paralyzed . that's an issue. OH GOD THEY GET AUTO-CRIT NOW IF ANYBODY MELEES THEM? THAT'S AN ISSUE

jorb: you feel necrotic energy seeping into your limbs and you cant move. nyx: or speak. jorb: your mouth is a limb! leo and jason: Hm.

arepo is casting sleep! OOPS NEVERMIND UNDEAD AREN'T AFFECTED BY SLEEP. time for another vicious mockery (and also whacking dauble with bardic inspiration. 🎶 walk it off walk it off walk it off) jorb: dauble, it's your turn! you are paralyzed and inspired! hooray, the inspiration got dauble back on their feet! still surrounded by ghouls (and lizards) though

kepesk being the change he wants to see in the world (killing people)! ghouls cant fall asleep but they CAN feel shame

green: [rolls a 23 on a con save] jorb: would you like to use your bardic inspiration? green: UHH?????? (she was fine)

jason: i think i broke something. leo: WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU?? (apparently he rolled two nat10s back to back. he's also fine)

DAUBLE KNOWS INFLICT WOUNDS. SURE. A NECROMANCY SPELL. SURE. anyway they are inflicting the hell out of those wounds

nyx: im going to grab [the ghoul] by the neck and bash his head into the floor. leo: HOLY SHIT jason: i ""cast"" inflict wounds nyx: and he's going to get fucking raptured. he's going to wilhelm scream himself out of existence kepesk: I DIDN'T KNOW THEY COULD DO THAT!

well! that's one way to end an encounter! don't you hate it when you're paralyzed so you have to reduce a zombie to a fine dust

arepo has found a platinum amulet with a hammer and anvil! and also a little chest. jason: what horrible monster have i unleashed. jorb: the mimic eats you. um - oh hey arepo finds another potion! oh its labeled this time so he doesnt need to drink to find out. superior healing!

dauble's hoarding instinct is kicking in. wuh oh alidaar: i put a hand on dauble's face and shove them away like a misbehaving cat. hmm. dauble doesn't like the amulet, actually. oh its the symbol of moradin, the dwarven god of creation! alidaar's holding onto it for now.

jorb: so you're heading up the stairs, dauble? leo: dauble! green: dauble! jason: daubling up the stairs.

WUH OH. BANSHEE.

jorb: its face becomes a mask of rage as it screams G [cuts out]

dauble: uh. guys? kepesk: treasure? :D alidaar: i dont think treasure screams. arepo: well, sometimes. alidaar: …do you have experience in screaming treasures?? kepesk: i had a treasure that screams, actually. …it's a long story. alidaar: huh. neat. kepesk: it doesn't scream anymore though alidaar: why does that sound so concerning

kepesk: [to the banshee] dude, you gotta get out of here, there's a banshee in the castle TIME FOR INITIATIVE

leo: [checking tracker] ooh, she has a name! (jorb: how's the pikmin noises going?) jason: most people have one. she has a "hello my name is vyldara" sticker (she does not)

arepo leading the battle with vicious mockery! and telling the banshee she's off-key for 1 psychic damage.

jorb: she uses horrifying visage. so everyone in 60 feet that can see her - green: alidaar can't see.

jorb: i'm assuming he's been looking around the corner! leo: yeah he's peering around scooby doo style

WUH OH . everybody but arepo failed their wisdom save! - nevermind, dauble got advantage bc They've Seen Worse. the reptile duo are now scared shitless what are lizards afraid of that mammals arent? pufferfish.

ah no this sucks. we can't move willingly closer and we have disadvantage in line of sight. thiiiis suuuuuuucks kepesk tries throwing a javelin! unfortunately, shaky hands from Absolute Terror makes a miss. man what am i gonna do

green: if we win, i'll pick [the javelin back] up. nyx: IF???????

OOF. NAT 2 AND NAT 1. kepesk has dropped the javelin on his foot

the fact that the two heavy hitters are frightened is not good, actually. i mean dauble and arepo are pretty good at what they do but kepesk and alidaar are both the up-close brawlers and they are currently unable to get up close and have a disadvantage on brawling.

DAUBLE WALKS UP. SMACKS KEPESK UP ON THE HEAD. "GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER" it is REALLY funny that the tiny halfling and the bookworm bard are completely unaffected by this and the two beefy lizards are weeping and wailing in terror

kepesk: you wouldn't get it, it's a lizard thing, alidaar: she's a pufferfish!

dauble knows turn undead! apparently they did this before and i forgot

nyx: im going to hold up my - jesus christ i forgot about the pikmin. jorb: you hold up your pikmin!

dauble is using shadow clone juitsu! sure. dauble 2: the second one. green: cmon kid we've gotta save dauble… 2!

discussing if we can throw kepesk or not. unfortunately we cant green: so long, gay kepesk! jorb: thank you for playing my game!

I Am Going To Shove Kepesk . i have shoved kepesk

kepesk: [TERRIFIED SCREAMING AS HE IS SHOVED FIVE FEET TOWARDS THE BANSHEE]

alidaar ducked out of line of sight and shook off the fear! shoving kepesk made him feel better.

jorb: arepo conjures a spray of spectral black lotuses. jason: i'm trying to think of a magic card with ugly art to be like "oh, you think that's bad?" nyx: he throws pot of greed. green: wait, but what does that card do?! leo: IT ALLOWS ME TO DRAW TWO CARDS AND ADD THEM TO MY HAAAAAAAAAAAND

arepo has showered the banshee in a spray of ugly-ass cards.

wuh oh. arepo and kepesk having to make con saves against a mournful wail! kepesk rolled a 1 but thankfully he has bardic inspiration - ah wait no he's one short. AH OH GOD DIRECTLY TO ZERO

Dauble Has Entered Kill Mode . INFLICT WOUNDS!

………..oh my god there's no effect.

green: ..so what happens if we all die? like is that it, we delete the discord, [..] jason: is kepesk still afraid while dead? green: kepesk is on a second adventure in his brain where it's like YOU'LL FAIL and he's like NO, MY FRIENDS ARE WITH ME

The Unconscious Kepesk Is No Longer Frightened green: in my dream state, im having a miniboss battle

hm . i cant really do much from where i'm at even after running up, i'd have to close the distance somehow before using any of my runes… jorb: you could use your crossbow! leo: alright. fuck it.

leo: WHOA! [..] alright, i'm using my crossbow again!

leo: … [strained] i love my crossbow, it sucks so bad

arepo has given kepesk the superior healing potion! wahoo! chekhov's potion in full effect green: the potion was cursed and because you used the action to give it to me, i'm fully cursed. jason: why would you say that? kepesk hugging arepo and weeping

huh. the banshee has Left. well. kepesk is giving chase through the closest door!

leo: [EXPLOSIVE LAUGHTER] jorb: what, what's happened?? leo: the - the state of the room! green: not just the state of the room…

green: …you'll see it is NOT CONNECTED.

kepesk stomps out of the room and his rage activates on its own ah. the room kepesk went in has a stone tub full of gnawed dwarven bones. great!

nyx: i have a question. is the banshee smart enough to know dauble 2 isn't real? jorb: is kepesk smart enough to know dauble 2 isn't real? green: kepesk 100% thinks there's two daubles.

hm. alidaar can't get in the room. CROSSBOW TIME jason: oh, he's shooting into the door? jorb: alidaar shouts "dauble, duck!" nyx: both daubles duck.

crossbow just BARELY hits - leo: i'm using my fire rune! GUESS WHAT I REMEMBERED - guess what i realized my crossbow counts as a weapon!

rolling my physical dice bc i like doing that once a session i guess! oh god i have to get on the floor to roll my physical dice . oh god ive unplugged my headset. great googly moogly its all going to shit

OH . GREAT. SHE HAS A RESISTANCE TO FIRE AND IS IMMUNE TO BEING RESTRAINED. AKA THE TWO THINGS MY FIRE RUNE DOES. MAN

we have another pile up.

green: IF I COMPEL DUEL THEM, WILL THEY GET AN ATTACK OF OPPORTUNITY FROM ALL THREE OF THEM? [..] jason: definitely cast compel duel on the creature that's demonstrated an attack that goes in a straight line [and kills us instantly].

i appear to have spaced out at a bad time. is green rolling to see which ally to slap to keep kepesk's rage going nevermind, kepesk has bit a ghost. jason: refreshing, tangy ectoplasm. jorb: it's kinda like biting a lacroix?

jorb: using your noggin! leo: you're THINKING! nyx: i'm thinking!! jason: Now You're Thinking With Daubles [...] jorb: so true, bestie. i mean, b-slur nyx: WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME A SLUR NOW OF ALL TIMES green: I SPACED OUT FOR A SECOND, HUH? leo: ME TOO?? (nyx has a running joke where he says b-slur instead of bestie)

HERE COMES ALIDAAR WITH A STEEL CHAIR!! jorb: how would you like to do this? leo: ……………i don't know! alidaar fuckin Vaults over arepo and slaps that bitch apart. LET'S GO

alidaar pets dauble on the head. alidaar pets dauble 2 on the head. dauble 2 evaporates

dauble stares kepesk down and tells him "be more careful next time. i can't afford to lose you." alidaar holds out the most awkward fistbump and goes "aayyyyy, gettin knocked down and yelled at for it buddies…!"

jorb showed off the banshee stat block and it has SO MANY RESISTANCES AND IMMUNITIES. ITS IMMUNE TO COLD. FUCK MY LIFE FOREVER

jorb: there's another bedroom [..] who puts their bed in the middle of the room, god damn. GOD DAMNIT I ALERTED THE HORDE (STIRGES) dauble wakes up, goes FUCK YOU, and explodes a stirge

arepo: there's bugs in there. kepesk: ew!

jason: are they bugs? jorb: they look like this but smaller. [posts image] green: every time you show me this it looks more and more disgusting.

arepo has viciously mocked the final stirge . arepo: the rest of you already left, what are you still doing here =/

alidaar has rolled an 11 to smack the stirge like a mosquito. that's a miss. this is incredibly embarrassing EVERYONE IS TRYING TO SLAP THE STIRGE OFF ALIDAAR. AND FAILING NEVERMIND. KEPESK HAS FLICKED THE STIRGE INTO A WALL WITH A NAT 20 UNARMED STRIKE. FUCKING CLOWNSHOW

things the fireplace contains: 100 more stirges, a banshee, the second boar, sephiroth,

Everyone Has Become Fascinated With This Fireplace

jorb: any magic items you miss will go in the dragon hoard. nyx: jorb i am going to go to your house and eat you jorb: that's what i've been doing! any loot goes in the dragon hoard! leo: we've been REALLY bad at looting things.

dauble has found a chest! time to put the signet ring in it dauble: put the ring in there. kepesk: oh, jeffrey! nyx: dauble stares at him. green: i don't know why it's jeffrey the ring on my character sheet.

kepesk: nooo i dont wanna go in there, youre gonna cask of amontillado me! dauble: i will if you dont put the ring in there!

ooo! fancy helmet and fancy gauntlets! green: [hopeful] wearable for lizardpeople? jorb: eh, you can make it work.

dauble has decided to shove the items in their bag and scoot out. dauble please. dauble you have 10 magic items. dauble we're dying

oh hey this place has hot water! and also bones in the tub but that's fine

I Roll An Eight On Animal Handling To Find Out There's A Naturally Heated Hot Spring Underground

okay i guess we're cleaning the bone tub. cool

WE HAVE KNOWN AREPO FOR LIKE, A WEEK, WE ARE NOT GETTING NAKED IN THE BONE TUB WITH HIM arepo has decided to walk away. kepesk doesn't shower. Roll To See If Dauble Has Seen A Capybara (they have not)

jorb: alidaar, what are you doing? leo: staring at the binturong. wondering how his life got to this moment. alidaar sits in the tub with his entire armor on.

Advancement Unlocked: How Did We Get Here?

Time To Interrogate Dauble (in the bath) hoo boy! alidaar is very suspicious of dauble's newfound necromantic magic, but dauble keeps brushing it off because they dont want to lose anybody else - tobias isn't the first person theyve lost, and if this helps them keep people safe, then its fine. alidaar tells them "if you didn't want to lose people, you made a bad choice becoming an adventurer." it gets Supremely Awkward bc of them being in the Bone Tub and alidaar exits stage left

jason: does the binturong popcorn smell get stronger when wet?

Kepesk Is Now The Chosen Lizard (binturong has climbed up on kepesk's shoulder) nyx: dauble is not speaking to any of their lizards right now.

hm. the walls in here are covered with weird secretions that would allow creatures to walk on walls and ceilings…. like a gecko…………….

GIANT GECKOS (hey remember last time when i mentioned jorb said he needed to reskin some monsters)

jorb: first up is the immune to ninjas dauble "dauble!" "dauble!"

unfortunately arepo is out of spell slots and wasnt able to regain them on a short rest. this will be a problem most likely

WHAT . ALIDAAR TWOSHOT A GECKO . SURE (breath weapon + dragonslayer crit) and kepesk follows up with nearly taking a gecko down! off to a great start :D

OH NO IM BEING YOSHI'D

jorb: do you have any bonus actions? leo: uhhh, i do, but i dont think it would help me any.. or be good for anyone around me…… jorb: your breath weapon? oh, no, that's- leo: giant's might. |D; jorb: oh! green: shove kepesk down the stairs. jorb: that's a wall, not a railing, so.. green: smushes kepesk against the wall. nyx: you hear - [mario super mushroom soundboard] - and kepesk gets smushed

(i have decided to not use giant's might)

jorb announces the start of a round with "[name], you're up! with [next] on deck." and it's very fun. it reminds me of being in theatre for some reason

jorb: and that's a natural 1! nyx: take double damage! -no not actually jorb: i believed you! you could've lied to me! leo: always lie to your dm. it is always morally correct

I HAVE FINALLY USED MY INSPIRATION . leo: i have had that inspiration for a literal year. green: WHAT

GIANT'S MIGHT TIME . where's the funny button [SUPER MUSHROOM NOISE]

meanwhile, kepesk continues killing

arepo gives alidaar bardly inspiration by playing the godzilla theme. or jurassic park because that's the only one any of us can remember at the time. wait no green remembered it, jorb had to google it though

jorb: how do you want to do this? leo: UM. I HAVE A FUNNY IDEA BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS,

GIANT LIZARD ON GIANT LIZARD WRESTLING MATCH . alidaar chucks a gecko down the stairs. amazing way to end an encounter YET AGAIN . the gecko also has a very delayed explosion after we leave

kepesk's time for a fireplace adventure! a gecko eats his head and he dies instantly. no hes fine

OKAY! one nap later and we've cleaned up axeholm best we can, so time to go back to phandalin!

…ah . uh oh. there's a shadow over phandalin. cryovain swoops down, then flies off east. BOOKIN IT TO PHANDALIN AAAAAAAAAAA

nyx: oh god, did he take the barrel crab?! green: NOOO! THE BARREL CRAAAAAAAB!

oh god. ice and talon marks outside barthen's provisions. everybody's in a panic. OH HEY SILDAR'S HERE sildar was kepesk's traveling companion! and also became barry bluejeans in another universe but that's not really relevant. rest of the wilders are in neverwinter though

NOOOO OH MY GOD CRYOVAIN STOLE VINCENT…….. MAN………………..

OH . SURE. we have gotten paid 250 gold for axeholm! also alidaar is trying to be the coolest guy in the room, sorry kepesk </3 alidaar has handed the 250 gold over to dauble. we are never getting it back

sildar: do you know where the dragon's lair is? alidaar: [nervous sweating]

oh thank god. dauble does.

sildar: i wish you best of luck as you go out to slay… the dragon of icespire peak. leo: YIIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

(there was also some after session discussion about what dauble's deal is! apparently something that got left out of my notes TWO YEARS AGO during the dwarven excavation was that dauble got the cursed necklace from the body of a dwarven cleric. their name being dauble is a Recent Development, and it happens to translate to "treasure" or "valuable". they've become very possessive of the party, just like they've become possessive of any treasure in proximity. they dislike the moradin pendant. I'M SURE THIS IS FINE.)

[whosaidsealscantfly]

Finding Home (4494 words) by TheFlyingSeal Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Welcome Home - Clown Illustration Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Wally Darling (Welcome Home) & Original Female Character(s) Characters: Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s), Wally Darling, Barnaby B. Beagle, Home - Character, Julie Joyful, Frank Frankly, Eddie Dear, Sally Starlet, Howdy Pillar, Question-Answerer, Poppy Partridge Additional Tags: maybe there will be romance?? we'll see how this story develops, im basically manifesting my theories about the story through this fic, and if they're wrong. then oops, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Canon Universe, Action/Adventure, no beta we die like men, POV First Person, Detectives, Horror, Psychological Horror Summary:

Gloria Alvarez and her rookie partner, Alana O'Quinn, are specialized detectives who are assigned on a case to track down a suspect in a string of crimes. An anonymous tip leads the duo to discover the Welcome Home Restoration Project and its webpage. They decide to infiltrate from the inside in order to investigate what their suspect, the "Question-Answerer," is up to; however, when Gloria and Alana realize that something is off about Welcome Home and its website, the pair realize they've stumbled upon something more than they can bargain for. -------------------------

Hi hi! This is my contribution to the Welcome Home fandom. It's a little bit different from all the other OC works I've seen, so I hope it's not so jarring? This concept has been brewing in my brain for some time as I always love a good horror mystery, and since we're only in the prologue of WH's story, I figured, why not!

Because this is a story that follows the events of Welcome Home, updates will reflect what we currently know! It will also have the same content warnings Clown posted about Welcome Home, so please keep that in mind @:]

Also, while my goal is to try and write my story along with Welcome Home, there will be some things that stray from canon due to creative liberties. But!! I will try to adapt as we learn new information without retconning anything. It's a good challenge for me, methinks..

Not every OC you see here belongs to me either!

Gloria Alvarez belongs to me Alana O'Quinn belongs to @AMWells on AO3 and @AMontheFM on Twitter Commissioner Rakesh "Rocky" Kapoor belongs to @MDoebling on Twitter

If you like it, be sure to let me know! I will update regularly, but a little kindness and appreciation always boosts morale <3

[cerealmonster15]

OOPS it's been like a week sowwy. i also keep forgetting to send things fljdskfldjs

HIIII EMU MY BELOVED DAUGHTER!!!!

HI CAYCAY MY BELOVED SON i love the drawing box it's just a blorbo deposit zone

ok hang on wait i know this one uhhhh whats her name hang on hang on

this one?? minori??

FDSJFKLDSFJKL WONDERHOYYYY SHES SO CUTE OMG 😭😭😭

love this theme of alternating caycays and emus and occasional Other Characters popping in 🧡

WFJWELKFSLKHF AND HERE THEY ARE, THE OTHER CHARACTERS!! sebby and silver my beloved. the brothers ever. loudest boy alive vs eepiest boy alive. name a better duo sdjfjskljfksljd

auughhh silver my babyyyyy hes so sweet. god i finished the part of book 7 thats out for engtwst today and like, no spoilers in case anyone reading isnt up to date but like IM up to date on the main story of book 7 in jpntwst and im just. aufdifdlsjfj. like reading it today and Knowing Whats Coming has me in utter agony SILVER IM HOLDING U SO TIGHTLY ITLL BE OKAY BABY

FSFIDSKJFDSL CAYCAYS..... ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!

CREATURE MOMENT KITTY TIME

for a sec i thought his tie was like, the rsa sash, and i was like omg caycay rsa transfer/infiltration au....

🫵OCTOPUS BASTARD🫵

FDSJKFDSJFDSLJF OH SHIT OH GOD OH FUCK shes about to unleash her biggest wonderhoy ever

ok 🧍‍♂️ i have re installed windows on my computer. this should be the last time i have to remake the link for a while l o l

[altruistic-meme]

I'm slowly working on my queer fiction shelf! I went out shopping today for new titles to add, and I'm happy that I've got "The Song of Achilles" and "Blue Lily, Lily Blue" (book 3 of The Raven Cycle) on the way as well :)

I have only read a few of these so far, but im definitely going to work on reading them all!

I've finished Good Omens, the Captive Prince trilogy + side stories, and the All For the Game trilogy. I'm hoping to start the Raven Cycle books this week, and we'll see where I go from there!

Books on the shelf, in order:

Heartstopper v1 by Alice Oseman, Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann, Secondhand Origin Stories by Lee Blauersouth, Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater, The Raven Boys, The Dream Thieves, and The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz, The Foxhole Court, The Raven King, and The Kings Men by Nora Sakavic, The Summer Palace (and other short stories), Captive Prince, a Prince's Gambit placeholder (bc I own the book but it's with my sister), and Kings Rising by C.S Pacat, and Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

[bobzora]

confession ive never actually seen the yaldabaoth bad end i just know joker makes like. a face. you know, a face?might harass my friend to pretty please grab it for me when he gets there in his playthrough (which is on my ps. soooooo new thieves den unlock!)

[gothreigen]

“i’m going to beat you with the power of friendship and this gun i found” but it’s “i’m going to beat you with the power of friendship and this alien super weapon i found when i infiltrated a government facility”

[erotetica]

me; postulating rory gilmore is latina bc alexis bledel is latina: is this anything? is this anything? what about this is this anythi 

[studiorainey]

Worker Bee

[infiltrated-adventure]

New page added.

>Read from start.

>Read from update.

[crazyspookies]

ZRS9Part1

Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well, Well...look who’s here

it’s me!

and also

Him

Alright so there’s a lot of stuff ive been thinking about S9, some of it good some of it bad, but i told @siriusmistake​ (wink ;)) that i had some strong feelings about Van Ark’s presence in the plot so this post is sponsored by them and consists on me flailing about stuff lol Also this is long oops here we go

1. Van Ark is alive Reveal

If you’ve been around long enough, you’ll know i’ve always suspected this so just to get it out of the way: i knew it

Many of us did to be fair. Now let me tell you a story “fenn im not here for a history lesson” Well aren’t you.

2. A History of Belief

This is the part where i talk about all the clues and theories about Vana Ark bein alive, you can skip it if you wanna lol. Back in...S5 there was not one but TWO occasions where i thought there would be a “van ark is alive” reveal. Once, in M3 (yes i looked it up) when we infiltrate Abel the first time and there is a moment we talk to Lobatse where we go into one hut and it’s full of cryogenic freezers and i thought “that’s it, here he is”. Same happened when we infiltrated abel as a spy and Sigrid took us to see the cryofreezers.

Why did i think that? My reasoning was that 1) Unless we see someone’s body we can’t really be sure they’re not dead (hello paula, hello sarah, hello simon, hello p-, you get the gist). 2) Sure, we hit him with a rocket launcher; but then again we did too on our first day and we’re fine.

Mostly. I theorized that maybe we damaged him enough to warrant him a few years out of the game. We got told that New Canton took care of the body but, at the time, Sigrid hadn’t showed her true colors yet so it would have been easy for her to just move things around to get it for herself and put him in cryo. Then S7 gave me a red herring by making me think, for the space of a single afternoon, that there was a possibility that Sage was Van Ark. I was real on the fence with this one because i saw the flaws in my theory but also. Didn’t regeneration change Peter’s face just enough not to look immediately recognizable? Was Sage Van Ark faking a nice attitude? Seemed a bit too crazy, but also someone compared van ark, dr.tomorrow and sage together.

Still, it felt too crazy. Right? ...RIght??? And to quote myself “I don’t trust van ark to know how to even fake how to be useful and kind to society and create ways to make a better community and be sensitive to other’s emotions for as long as Sage has been doing it. He can’t be that good an actor. the part where he might be alive and got a new face is not that crazy though.” So true past me, so true. Still, we did get something juicy in S7M25-26 that gave us a clue to Van Ark being alive, besides other things. We go with Maxine to a facility where Sigrid had created some nanotech capable of nullifying the regeneration abilities, in case she needed them to take care of Van Ark. True love right there fellas. HOWEVER, the nanites were in “regeneration mode”. Hmmm well isn’t that interesting. Obviously it gives us a clue that all the above could be true. That Sigrid got Van ark’s body and tried to speed up his regeneration. Now in retrospect it has more connotations still. More on that later.

Also in S8 sam goes ahead and drops one big “well we never did see his body” so

3. He’s Alive! So what.

Amelia: quite a shoker huh! Every one of us who has been expecting him to show his ugly ass at any moment: this bitch again huh So, he’s alive. Not that much of a surprise, considering. Still, the reveal comes around and i can’t help but think that the thing i care about most is how they’re going to pull this off. Van ark being alive by itself is of not much consequence to me anymore as plot device. Bringing a big baddie back - and this is the very first Big Baddie himself- it’s a risky thing to do. Is it the right thing to do? Maybe, if done properly. Or in a way i like lol. And honestly s2s hasn’t given me a lot of confidence when it comes to handling old and sensitive character related topics in  S9P1 (looking at you, sam’s-being-opened-up-without-consent-and-injected-with-another-being thing and no one batting an eye about it. Especially not Five who def has no traumatic experiences related to medical torture and being injected people in their head, no sir). So yeah, it’s a risk, and it’s an old baddie anyway, we’ve killed him once already, we know his whole shebang already, he’s old news.

Indeed, Leslie, THE DRAMA. His reappearance is important to me, for the most part, because it’s bound to unbury some very angsty, dramatic little feelings on any Abel character that’s had to deal with him before. Especially Peter. Five too but that’s headcanon territory.

I mean it’s almost fine when we were in the UK. Terrible, sure, but feels...distant enough? We suspected this might happen, we just have to go there, kill him again, deal with whatever has to be dealt with and come back. Easy peasy yeah? Five’s used to this. There’s a little knot in their stomach and kind of a guilty giddiness to get moving already. They think it might have been born out of necessity, because if you dread whatever might happen every time you go out on an (dangerous, possibly deadly, possibly traumatic) “adventure” you’re bound to end up dead. And Van Ark just feels so far away now. The closer we get to scorpion base - and to Van Ark- the tighter the knot in their stomach gets. The closer we get to him the realer it feels, the easier it is to feel old rage bubble to the surface. They look at the others and have to wonder what they feel. In the silence of the desert night they feel their fingers twitch and the scenarios where they meet him more and more real. In the silence of the desert night, the distant gidiness becomes an ugly kind of excitement,  mixed with dread and anger when they think how killing him again might feel and their fingers twitch. For good this time. And, if they get to Van Ark quick enough, they can stop Peter from doing something stupid. They look at Peter, and worry. Peter who’s been wrecked by guilt for for years, Peter who’s been suicidal for years, Peter who only now, very recently, has started to want to get better, to make small steps towards doing so. Peter who has a fucking burn cube sewed on his chest. Peter who’s already died twice because of all this shit. It could help Peter move on, Five knows that. For him to see how much he’s changed, how far his come, to look at the old fucker in the face and tell him to go fuck himself. However they’d rather not risk it. They’ rather not end up in a situation where Peter feels he has no choice. He’s been doing well lately, no need for Van Ark to fuck it all that up. They look at Janine and wonder if she’s thought the same, or if she just refuses to even think it at all while dealing with her grief over Tom to even consider the scenario of losing someone else she cares about. (Might have gotten excited here didn’t expect that lol Also i did a little post about five changing classes in dnd to a Paladin while making this post and ooohhh because i went to read about paladins and about how they’re all about protecting the innocent and delivering justice, and yes that is a generally very Five thing but also found this little gem “[...] Or are you an embittered loner sworn to take vengeance on those who have done great evil, sent as an angel of death by the gods or driven by your need for revenge?“ and isn’t this DELICIOUS. Especially after all that nonsense i just wrote up there) (Also like that moment we learn that Peter has a burn cube sewed up, i swear to GOD s2s you better fucking not.).

4. Ernie

Ok So. first time we see Van Ark he’s behind a door, unconcious and hooked ona  machine and Bakari tells us he’s not in charge of anything, he’s one of the experiments. Obviously the first thing that crosses my mind is both:

and

Janine said no :( She did say we had to get to the uk first and then come back deal with him but how would be even do that. Two birds one stone is what i’m saying. But then we actually meet the guy and oh boy.

5. M15-16

1) “ERNEST VAN ARK: Hello there. Hello! So thrilled to meet you. Do shake my hand. I’m Ernest, by name and by nature. [chuckles] Sorry, my little joke. Ernie Van Ark at your service… is nobody going to shake?”

By now i was real worried because...i really don’t think i’d enjoy a redemtion arc for this character. Amnesia? Not unless he goes right back to being a villain afterwards. This guy chose all the bad things he did with 0 guilt, it would rightly piss me off to see anyone forgive him just becasue “oh he’s helping now”. Not after everything that happened. It’s still a very funny scenario though dsfsdf just the abel crew infiltrating this base, scared shitless because this old nemesis is going to recognize us and welp no he doesn’t??? and he’s looking young?? and hes kinda nice???

 2) “JANINE DE LUCA: You look… young.”

i wonder what that’s about. I think that this is a mix bewteen him being actually younger and also like. We’re all 8 years older. My Five was 26, now they’re 34 it’s been a long-ass time. Guillemete says he’s middle aged so he could be somthing like 45-55? I’ve always guessed him to be early 60′s in S2 so it should be a big enough difference for us to be like “WOAH he looks REALLY YOUNG” so im going to say Earnie looks to be in his early/mid 40′s. 

3) “ERNEST VAN ARK: [...] when they caught wind of his immortality… well, I’m told he had a mishap with a rocket launcher.”

4) ERNEST VAN ARK: “A few scrapings from him ended up on the black market, a little pink and gray matter.Red Scorpion Base purchased them, knew they’d be useful. The cells were inert. The base kickstarted the regeneration process, got them to sort of regrow into me. Took some work, but here I am, all his intellect, none of his memories. It’s my regeneration they want to study, of course.”

Ok so this is a lot of info in one place and also puts thoughts in my head about future etc. After a year since this i’ve had time to come down from feeling kinda pissed but let me tell you, by this point both me and my Five were immenseley frustrated. For many reasons. The main one being the “i don’t know if s2s can pull this off seeing how things have gone”. The “he’s not the original and i can’t confront him the way i pictured” is frustrating but i think it can be interesting precisely because it challenges the characters expectations and introduces a different kind of tension. 

From a character standpoint my Five¡s about to lose it. They’ve been on edge the whole way here and i’ts been getting worse. The recent situation with sam has left them wondering if they can feel safe around their own friends, if they should cut away from Abel, at least for a while if not longer, when all this is over. And then this guy. This guy who looks and sounds like Van ark but isn’t him in theory but has the potential to be anyway and how DARE HE NOT REMEMBER WHAT HE’S DONE.

And that’s the most fun about this situation for me if we are to keep in close contact with Ernie. All those frustrated feelings no one can properly take out on him because he’s not the original van ark so he technically hasn’t done all those terrible things but god his stupid face is right there and is bringing all of it out anyway.

And besides, he could be faking it. Ernie sounds suspiciouly like the person Van Ark was faking to be when we met him the first time (i don’t think this is the case though tbh) and I imagine Five remembers his warning right before they blew him up. ”PROFESSOR VAN ARK: [static] Runner Five, I do hope you can hear me. I’m broadcasting on a wide band of frequencies just to say – I know your face, I know your name. I do not forget, and I do not forgive. I will come and find you. When you least expect it, I am going to destroy you.”

And even if he wasn’t faking there’s other matters too. This is one of those big “people can change/nature vrs nurture/ etc kind of deals right? Sure this isn’t the original van ark, but he has been formed from the same brain. A man that chose eugenics as his core belief and did genocide, torture and murder about it. The potential for him to choose it again is always there and it makes me nervous to have him around, and leaving him at Red Scorpion Base also makes me nervous because even as an experiment, he’s dangerous. His regenerative abilities are dangerous in the wrong hands. Probably the panagea is one of the things that have been made thanks to it but you know how this kinda things goes: taking the thing and using it to make weapons and super soldiers and the like, as the Guillemete comments here:

“GUILLEMETTE FELIS: [...] Genetic material from Ernie was used to treat a life-threatening injury Henderson suffered some months ago. The results were… dramatic. Your quarry is no ordinary soldier. His endurance is enormous, but his personality, unstable. You will know what I refer to. I believe your own Sven “Psycho” Mountback was treated with a similar but less advanced treatment in Poland several years ago, leading to his current… psychological situation.” 

So not the current treatments are unstable, makes you think how can Bakari be so sure the panagea works at all. Also wtf are they doing in Poland.

5) “ERNEST VAN ARK: No no, nothing like that. I always wanted to visit England. I don’t suppose you met a politician named Sigrid? I’m told we were in love. It sounds terribly romantic.”

WHY WOULD THIS BE RELEVANT SDFSDFD Earnest says that Red Scorpion Base (or their top dog i guess) got a hold of the flesh and kickstarted the regeneration process (and i have some STUFF Ive been thinking about when it comes to that), so it sounds like he’s spent whatever concious life he’s had in Red Scorpion Base mostly under supervision, probably. Make sure the investment doesn’t run away. How do you feel about that Ernie. I feel like this guy is mostly “the research here is v important and complicated and i am part of it all so im not really going to think about the fact that i am a piece of property because why would I bother” I justc an’t believe we’re not going to see more of him you know? S2S can’t just present us with this guy and then be like “ok thats all you’re going to see of him ever”, wouldn’t make sense. Also what is this research? We just get that one sentence and i’m already like hmmmm that’s weird and suspicious”.

I imagine that once he became fully concious he must have had questions about himself but it doesn’t sound like he was given too many details. “A misshap with a rocket launcher” doesn’t really tell us whether he knows he was murdered or not, but “im told we were in love it sounds terribly romantic :)” we can tell he doesn’t know Sigrid’s dead and also that whoever told him that either didn’t know the details of their relationship, or did and just didn’t tell him because why would they tbh. SOunds like he was told somethign among the lines of "You were a v smart scientist who lived in the far-away land of the uk, working towards a big cure to save humanity (that's how you got your regeneration powers!) and you and the prime minister were in love :o) And then there was an accident/some terrible spies shot you with a rocket launcher "

Also SDFSDF bless Peter for being like “im gonna kill him” right away when we come across Ernie in the greenhouse like YES THATS WHAT I WAS SAYING!! Peter your brain is huge and so very wrinkly I knew you’d be with me on that one.

 I also understand Ernie calling for help, it’s the smart thing to do and i just Love the idea that from his point of view we’re obviously the bad guys. I mean he’s been told we’re spies, to hide away, and now we’re talking about killing him right in front of him sdfsdfs

I just want so badly to bully him. I want to be forced to take him with us and i want his presence to make everyone high strung and uncomfortable and terribly snipy and the whole time he has no idea why everyone hates his guts so badly. Does he even know that the zombie apocalypse was partly his fault? I bet not. I want to tell him we killed him and also his terrible fascist wife. I just think it’d be neat.

6. THEORIES

OKAY so like when i was making up theories about what could happen with Van Ark i remembered something about S7M25-26. Upon reading the transcripts i realized a couple things.

At the time, we had a wriggling hand we cut from a zombie that had bitten Peter and gotten his regeneration abilities. Veronica guided us to a water treatment plant where Sigrid kept a nanotech machine capable of nullifying Van Ark’s regeneration in case she needed to neutralize him at some point, so we set off there to see if it worked on the P-Hand and maybe even be able to use that technology to help Peter lose his so that he felt more like a person, less like a monster who can put everyone he loves i danger. Feelings that are still relevant seeing as we haven’t tried a treatment on him yet (most of the research was destroyed but i think Sage had some stuff too??, i need to check a bunch of stuff to know what happened with this whole thing exacly). And also Ernie, who is also a danger. It will be interesting to see what’s his opinion on his regeneration. 

In any case, when we get there we have a terrible misshap and the hand starts growing fast as hell instead of dying.

“ VERONICA MCSHELL: It appears Sigrid’s treatments stimulated growth.”  

Well. Isn¡t THAT interesting. Peviously I thought was that Van Ark's body in general might not have been extensiveley damaged, and that Sigrid had gotten it and worked to save his life. In Red Scorpion Base we are told that "A few scrapings from him ended up on the black market, a little pink and gray matter" so i thought that maybe he had been blown into pieces. But now i’m thinking that there is a couple possibilities. Veronica at some point says that sigrid threw failed experiments to an automated furnace. Makes you think.

Clones. Maybe there wasn’t enough of Van Ark’s original body to regenerate, so Sigrid started experimenting with unknown degrees of success and burnt off the failures in the furnace.

We don’t know how many failures there might have been or how many successes. I can’t imgine she’d make more that one if she succeded, but there’s no way to tell. It could be that she herself sold the kickstarted flesh to Red Scorpion Boss although I don’t really see Sigrid doing that with Van Ark though but then again, who knows lol. There’s also the possibility that someone else found the research/got a hold of the pieces of Van Ark she hadn’t used and has been selling them around, after all how did that flesh end up in the black market? It0s just flesh from a dead man, no reason for it to be there unless you know exacly what it is so whoever put it in the market knew exacly what they were selling. If there’s enough bits of van ark to go around, maybe that’s what’s going on in Poland? Who do i see taking bits of van ark, kickstarting their regeneration and selling either the flesh or even clones to the highest bidder? Could be anyone. Could be Valmont, seeing as he has plenty of contacts, could be someone new. I don’t think he’s the top dog at Red Skull base necessarily but i don’t discard it. Whoever it is they obviously recognize us and know what we’re all about and they know to be weary of us. Either our reputation in the uk has reached other countries or this is someone who has been to the uk/we’ve dealt with one-on-one.

Guess we’ll see what happens.