#oof i feel weird okay okay lets keep at i

[hopeheartfilia]

huh maybe im experiencing some self confidence issues

[pinejayy]

➤ My Fire Flame~ || Portgas D. Ace x Reader!

summary: reader feels insecure about their body and their part in the crew. so they want to leave the crew but ace won’t allow them, and he’ll show them how much he appreciates them and their body.

request by: @sky-skys-world

warnings: smut!! afab reader!! some swearing, fingering, oral (reader receiving) , unprotected sex.

a/n: oof sorry if this took longer than expected but I hope you enjoy!! // please let me know if there’s any mistakes.

✦•·················• 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃!! •·················•✦

You watched everyone laughing from a distance, the crew decided to throw a huge party after a successful raid against an other pirate crew, the crew were drinking and eating their hearts away. While you were sulking in a corner watching everyone getting drunk and giggling at each other. As you watched the party some of your crew members tried inviting you to the party but you would smile and refuse kindly. Not noticing the cold eyes towards you, foot steps started to reach your way until someone certain was standing in front of you.

“Hey Kiddo. Why aren’t you with the rest of the crew? Don’t feel like drinking?”

Jumping slightly at the sudden voice and you sigh and look up and see Ace. “Oh hey Ace.” You simply say, avoiding his question. He took a seat next to you and hums softly. “I don’t know. I’m just feel under the weather that’s all no need to worry.”

“Y/N.. Come on join the party, grab a drink with me and let loose. After all you are part of this crew right.” He said and looks over you, giving you an innocent smile. Looking at him, letting out a deep sigh and shake your head.

“That’s okay, sorry I just don’t feel good…monthly problems.” Lying as you spoke and Ace just sighed. “Well I can’t argue with that. Come on allow me to walk you to your room.” He said and stood up but you quickly shook your head.

“Oh no no. It’s okay! No need to walk me!” You say and quickly stand up and shake your head. And try to walk off before he could speak but he didn’t allow you to leave quite yet.

Ace raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “Aw come on kiddo, I’ve walked you back to your room before.” Grabbing your arm and he started to walk towards your room and away from the party and music. Struggling against his grip, he couldn’t see your room…no.

Your room was basically empty…it was filled with duffle bags of your belongs and clothes. You were planning on leaving this crew and hide away from everyone. Honestly these thoughts about your place in the crew have been on your mind for weeks now. And you’ve been looking for the perfect example to run off. And tonight was prefect considering everyone was gonna be wasted but Ace was in the way.

As he walked you towards your room…well more like drag you there you keep struggling against him. “Ace…look I can walk myself.”

“You seem nervous why is that?” He teased softly and before you knew it you guys were in front of your room.

“Oh thanks! Now if you will excuse me now! Look at the time! It’s late!” You say nervously, and rip away from his grip and try to make your way into the room but he quickly blocked your way. “Wait Y/N..”

“Goodnight Ace..” You say softly, and by some miracle you squeeze your way between him and open your door and before you could close it, he blocks it with his foot. Making you groan. “What?”

“Hey hey. What’s your problem? You usually let me tuck you into bed. Not tonight??” He said, and you look down. “It’s nothing Ace, just not feeling good.” You say, trying to close the door on him but he wouldn’t allow it.

“Y/N. I’m serious. You’ve been acting weird lately.” He said making you stop in your tracks and Ace took the opportunity to push himself in, gasping at the sudden action. You began waving your hands in front of his face.

“You’re leaving the crew?” He asked softly, looking down at you. You couldn’t bring yourself to face him. And all you could do was nod. “Does Whitebread know?!”

“No! Of course he doesn’t…”

Ace looks at you and slowly he closes the door and with a quick motion. “So you’re just gonna leave us?! Without telling us? Or anyone?!” He raised his voice at you, and he couldn’t help but feel betrayed and angry towards you. “You were going to leave me…without telling me.”

“Ace…it’s not like that.”

“YES IT IS! WHY WOULD YOU WANNA LEAVE?” He suddenly yelled at you. Making you flinch at his sudden outburst.

“Ace please calm down.”

“WHY?!” He yelled once again before taking a deep breath and looks at you. “Please tell me…why. I thought you loved this crew…” He looked visibly upset, and you could have sworn you heard his voice crack as he spoke to you.

“I do love this crew! I just can’t..”

“Can’t what?” He said and he started to walk towards you. “Tell me! I deserve to know! Please Y/N.” He said and tears started to form in the corner of his eyes.

“I’M JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THIS CREW!” You suddenly snap at him. “Sorry I didn’t mean to tell you at Ace.”

“What do you mean you’re not good enough?! You’re more than good enough! You’re prefect…”

“I’m the weakest of the whole crew…I have the lowest bounty…I don’t deserve to be apart of the crew..” You say and we’re on the edge of breaking down in front of him and he just stood there.

“Y/N…stop with this bullshit. Everyone has their part in this crew. And that includes you. You’re not weak, you hear me.”

“Please stop lying to me…look at me.” You said and point at your body. “I’m not like everyone else in this crew….I’m more squishy….and I’m not like the other people…”

That was the final straw for him, he couldn’t just stand there as you talked down to yourself and he grabbed your chin and made you look directly at him. “Nonsense! You’re prefect! Your smile is prefect…your eyes are as beautiful as the ocean. And you’re definitely not weak Y/N.”

“But I am…Ace.” You say and try to move away from him but his grip from your chin wasn’t letting go. “Ace…please…why do you care so much about me…I’m no one special.”

“THATS ENOUGH!” He yelled and sighed and lets go of your face. Running his hand over his face, before taking a deep breath. “That’s enough Y/N.. I won’t stand here allowing you to talk so badly about yourself and I definitely won’t allow you to leave this crew. You’re too important for the crew…” He said, he couldn’t help but look away from your eyes. “You’re too important to me…I can’t allow you to leave…I just can’t.”

“Important? How am I so important to you?”

“God…I was going to tell you this sooner but I guess now it’s the perfect time to tell you how I really feel about you….” He said and you were about to speak up and he held a finger to keep you quiet. “The first time I’ve ever laid eyes on you it was like my chest was burning. It was like love at first sight…I love everything about your. Your smile, your laugh and I especially love how devoted you are to help this crew out..god you have no idea how much I love you Y/N. I love you so fucking much! I think about you when I sleep!” He said and took a step closer to you, closing the gap between the both of you. Placing a hand on your check, wiping the few tears you had. “I love you so much…please don’t leave me.”

You were shocked at his words, he loves you? “Ace? Is this true…you love me?”

He nodded. “I do…you can’t leave. You’re too precious. You’re too important.” He pleaded and grabs your hand and squeezes it slightly. “You’re perfect Y/N. You mean a lot to me.”

“But….”

Ace places a finger over your lips. “But nothing..you’re prefect in every way.” Turning red from his words you were star struck. And he spoke up once again. “Please allow me to show you how beautiful you.”

“I…uh…how?”

“Please just give me permission…please say yes…you have to say yes.”

Not being able to speak all you could was nod. And immediately leans in and places a gentle kiss against your lips. Wrapping his arms around your waist, bringing your body against his. You didn’t kiss back right away since you were shocked. You couldn’t believe that Ace confessed his love for you. Honestly you’ve always had a crush on Ace but were too scared to tell him anything. Now look at you. He literally has his body pressed against yours while your lips are locked.

As time passes up you gave into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and returning the kiss. He couldn’t help but groan against your lips. Ace wasted no time to deepen the kiss, licking your lip asking for permission to which you gladly granted and opened your mouth. And he wasted no time, sliding his tongue into his new territory and he used his tongue to explore your mouth.

Moaning softly into the kiss, god you didn’t know this man could kiss like there was no tomorrow. Ace couldn’t help but brush his tongue against yours. Both tongue’s fighting over dominance.

Before things could get more heated he pulled away from the kiss. Leaving a string of saliva between your guys lips. “Please Y/N. May I have permission….may I have the honor of showing you how much I love you.”

“Oh…Ace..” You say softly and looking into his beautiful eyes and all you could was nod. And he smiled and in a quick motion he picked up and walks towards your head and placed you gently on the bed.

As he laid you on the bed his lips slowly made their way to your neck. Planting soft and gentle kisses against the skin of your neck. “You’re so beautiful…very beautiful.” He mumbled. Dragging his tongue along your neck. Making your shiver and moan softly. And he drags his hands over your body. Feeling every curve and every part.

And as he dragged his hands along your body, his hand made their way to your bottoms. “Do I have permission?” He asked softly. Still planting kissing along your neck. Trying to find your sweet spot.

“Yes..” You moan softly, and as you lay there enjoying the attention your neck was getting. You suddenly gasp as he kissed a certain spot on your neck making him smirk along your skin. “Ah found it.” He mumbled and focused on that spot. Sucking onto the skin slightly, he couldn’t help but nibble onto the skin slightly. He began to tug onto your shirt slightly and you just nodded and he licks his lips and moved away slightly and helped you remove your shirt and threw it across the room. And he also removed his cowboy hat and threw it to the side. And he went back to kissing and biting your neck.

As you were busy moaning underneath him, his hands slowly started to undo your bottoms and his kisses got lower as well. Slowly his kisses trailed down to your shoulder, then to your collar bone and on your chest. “This…this is in the way.” He said softly. And started to tug on your bra. “May I?”

You were a bit hesitant but you nodded. He dragged his fingers along your body and chest. And slowly he undid your bra and removed it and threw it to the side. And he looks back to you and your face was burning red and you hand your hands over your chest. “Don’t be shy. And don’t cover your beautiful body from me.”

He leans in again and kisses your stomach. And he grabbed your hands and slowly removed them away from your chest. And you didn’t put much of fight. And once your chest was exposed he lets out a long whistle. “Wow you’re even more beautiful than I imagined.”

Leaning in once again, he placed gentle kisses along your chest. And soon after he took in one of your nipples into his mouth and sucked on them slightly. Making you arch your back in pleasure. “Wow. Youre already shaking with this? Just wait until I’m done with you .”

And as Ace keeps toying with your sensitive nipples with his tongue he slowly started to undo your bottoms and tug them down slightly and you took notice in his and help him out. He removed your bottoms along with your underwear. Now completely naked…you couldn’t help but blush. And he pulled away to take in your beauty. “So beautiful…so fucking beautiful.”

He made sure you were comfortable before he could do anything else. He leans in again and places his lips against yours. His hand traced along your lips giving a slight pinch making you gasp out and little by little is fingers went lower and lower until they reached your wet core. You were lost into the heated kiss that you didn’t notice that his fingers were almost touching your wet heat.

He slowly spreads your legs with his hands and gently traces a finger along your clit making you gasp out and whimper. Pulling away from the kiss. “Ace..”

“Hm yes?” He said, looking down at you. Slowly rubbing your clit. “Yes my fire flame?”

You groan as you heard his voice, it was filled with lust. “I give you permission…”

That’s all Ace needed, and he couldn’t help but smirk to himself. He was definitely going to keep you up all night. Rubbing small circles on your clit, making you moan underneath him. And without wasting time he slowly moved his hand away from your clit making you growl softly and before you could say anything he inserted one finger inside your needy hole.

He slowly started to move it in and out of you making your moans get louder. And you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed that you were going to cover your mouth to muffle out your moans but Ace took notice on this and grabbed your hand before you could silence your pretty little moans. “Aw come on baby. Don’t do that I want to hear your sweet little moans.” He said and let’s go of your arm.

“But…ahh mmm… what if someone sees us.” You say between your moans, making him laugh slightly.

“Don’t worry about it…” He began saying and slowly he inserts an other finger inside of you. Moving both fingers upwards making you throw your head back in pleasure.

“Everyone is drinking remember. Everyone is getting drunk…and while everyone is getting drunk on booze. I’m gonna get pussy drunk.” He chuckled. Making you whimper and moan at his words.

Ace felt your walls tighten around his fingers and he quickly removed them before you could reach your climax.

“Ace!!” You whine out. “I was so close.”

“Oh I know.” He said and removed his fingers and he couldn’t help but bring his fingers to his mouth and suck on them. Moaning softly at the taste of your juices that coated his fingers.

Not going to lie as you watched this you couldn’t help but feel more turned on. And soon after Ace pulled his fingers out of his mouth. Moaning at the taste.

“God you’re gonna get me drunk Y/N.” He groans and before you could say anything. He was already between your thighs. Spreading them even more. And this man wasted no time to tease you…well at least not for today. He needed to taste you…more directly.

Before you could react or say anything he already had his tongue between your folds, dragging his tongue along your folds and moaning at your taste.

You couldn’t help but drag your fingers in his hair, pulling on it slightly. “Ace…” You moan loudly, throwing your head back.

“So good…good..” He moans softly, mumbling between your heat.

How tongue made its way to your clit and he focused on it. Toying with it with his tongue. And soon after your toes curled in pleasure. You never knew you could feel this good.

Your moans got louder and you felt your stomach began to tighten making you whimper. And with a few more licks to your clit. You couldn’t help but moan loudly. “Ahh A-ACE…” Before reaching the best orgasm in your life.

Ace gave you a few more licks before pulling away. And he stood on his knees and slowly he started to undo his pants. And he watched you, and you were a panting and shaking mess.

“Ahh look at you. All this just with my fingers and tongue beautiful? God wait until I fuck you with my cock.” He teased and slowly he started to undo his pants and he was painfully slowly.

God…this was going to be a long and pleasant night for you~

After awhile he finally removed his pants and he cock sprung up. And it stood up with all its glory. And he was big. You weren’t sure if it was gonna fit…

But this made you blush and you sit up and you wanted to return the favor so you wrap your hand around his cock and slowly moved it making him groan. He grabs your hand and moving it away.

“Tonight is about you my love.” He said and pins you against your back. “But maybe for some other day. I just need to make you feel special. And to officially make you mine.”

As your back was against the bed, he positioned himself between your legs. And with the tip of his cock he started to tease you slightly. And slowly he placed the tip of his cock in your entrance. And slowly he started to sink himself into you and into your warmth. Making him groan under his breath.

“Just let me now.. when this becomes to much for you.” He said softly, and started to make his way in fully. Making you moan and tear up slightly. Stretching you up.

Yup…he was big. It was painful. And he took notice and he was about to pull away but you wrapped your legs around his waist.

“Just give me some time…please. I need this..”

Ace just nodded and stayed still, until you nodded after awhile. “Okay I’m ready.”

And he wasted no time, he began to move in and out of you slowly. Not wanting to hurt you. “Are you okay my fire flame?”

You just nodded and bite your lip. “Yes…”

“Good…good fire flame.” He said and leans in and catches your lips with his. And his pace was gentle and slow. Both tongues meeting each other once again. And you couldn’t help but moan into the kiss. “More…Ace please.”

And this man wasted no time to do so. Grabbing your hips and holding them in place and he took a moment to stop and you nodded once again and he started to pick up the pace of his movements.

He pulled away from the kiss, and both of you guys were panting heavily.

Your sweet moans were getting to Ace and he couldn’t help but slam his hips against yours causing you to scream out in pleasure. “Ace…baby! Please..I’m close.”

He groans and keeps his pace going. He felt your walls tighten around him. Ace grip around your hip tighten. “Yeah I know baby…”

You were so lost in your pleasure that one of your hands made their way to your clit and you rubbed it slowly so you could reach your climax faster.

“Now…please Y/N…cum with me.” He pleaded. And you couldn’t help but whimper at that.

And soon after both of you guys reach your guys climax and you couldn’t help but tug into his slightly. Panting slightly, Ace chuckled at your cute reaction. Before giving a few more thrusts he pulled out making both of your groan out. And he watched as his seed dripped out of your hole.

You were a shaking mess. And Ace couldn’t get enough of it.

He laid besides you and wrapped his arms around you, bringing you close to him. Inhaling your sweet scent.

“That was amazing, Ace..” You breathe out, and snuggle against him.

“I love you Y/N…”

You stayed quite as your heard his words. Before speaking up again. “I love you too Ace.”

“Please don’t leave the crew. You’re too important to this crew and to me.” He pleaded and snuggled against you. Burying his face into your neck. “Please.”

Making you sigh out and you wrap your arms around him. “I promise I won’t leave you Ace.”

And you guys lay there, enjoying each other’s company . “But for now let’s get some rest my fire flame. I need rest for tomorrow.”

“How come?”

“Well besides fucking you again.” He said, making you blush and hide your face into his neck. Making him laugh slightly before he spoke up again.

“I need to confront a pirate by the name of Blackbread.”

[ringsreforged]

Natalie's *deep* Haladriel thoughts - BEWARE

Pau - When you read this later, let me know if you want me to move it to my personal account, yeah? If it even still exists...

I’m not really sure what this post is going to end up being. A defence of the show and the separation? In part! A critique of the show based off leak spoilers and my own gut feeling? For sure! A desperate ramble in an attempt to get my head in order? Absolutely!

I will say before we dive in that I’m absolutely a Haladriel shipper, but the way I ship isn’t always in line with fandom. I ship what I see as part of the narrative because it’s the narrative, and everything else is a bonus. I make this distinction because I think this is why I’m so okay with a lack of scenes when some others are not, and I don’t want to come across preachy. I don't think I'm in any way superior for this by the way. In fact, I wish I could be more *normal*!!!!

If you came to this show for Haladriel alone, and simply want to see them share scenes week to week – that’s your prerogative. I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t feel that way. What I might try to say is that I don’t think that makes the shows bad or suggests that the writers have baited with this relationship. I think that’s ultimately what I find frustrating…

But anyway, let’s get into whatever this is. A reflection on expectations, a five-season arc, and those STUPID spoiler leaks…

AND THERE WILL BE SPOILERS. STAY AWAY. HISS.

Alright, so this post is mostly brought to you by a sinking feeling I have that the leak spoilers are real. Because everything in that episode 7 promo matches up.

STOP READING if you don’t want to know the spoilers. And honestly? STOP READING IF YOU THINK YOU WANT TO KNOW because living with this knowledge has truly made this season less enjoyable for me (credit to it, then, because I still think it’s incredible). IF I’M MAKING YOU PANIC, STILL STOP READING because there very much is a world where these spoilers aren’t that bad in context…but I prefer to keep my expectations low…

Have you gone???

HAVE YOU GONE?????

SPOILER TALK

Okay.

So, the leak spoilers say that there is no kiss between Sauron and Galadriel (which, honestly, I have no great issue with – more to come on that later). Instead, the kiss is ELROND AND GALADRIEL, and I absolutely do take issue with this.

I can only hope and PRAY that it works in context, but I can’t get my head around it. And yet, the promo…it’s all falling into place. Elrond will be sent to discuss terms with the orcs before the battle. He’ll see Galadriel in chains, and he’ll ask for a moment to say goodbye. Adar will allow it because he’s a gent like that. This is where we get the chin touch with the thumb everyone speculated over and then…HE LEANS IN AND KISSES HER TO PUT A NEEDLE IN HER MOUTH? SO SHE CAN RELEASE HERSELF LATER??

To clarify, most of this is my spec, but THE KISS TO PASS HER A NEEDLE IS A REAL LEAKED SPOILER THAT NO LONGER SEEMS FAKE.

It's just…so convoluted and weird??? Does he store needles in his mouth like a squirrel? Why couldn’t he have slipped the needle into her hand??? WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ELROND’S LIPS ON GALADRIEL’S?

And look, maybe this spoiler IS still fake! But the details were so specific, and everything about the context seems to be accurate, so that feels like it would be a bonkers coincidence to me. Maybe when we actually see it play out, it will be fine.

But that does bring me back to the Haladriel of it all, just briefly. With my whole heart, I do not need them to kiss. After season 1, I didn’t think it would be possible, and I’m okay with that. But if you’re willing to let ELROND’S lips touch her, then MY GOD, you could have let Haladriel have ONE kiss where she’s trying to distract him or some shit. OOF.

My only relief is that it happens next week, so we can hopefully get it out of our systems and enjoy the finale.

That said, if these leaks are true then that also means the finale leaks are true. Now, I actually never wanted to see any of these spoilers (hence me making it VERY CLEAR what this post is about, because I wouldn’t inflict this stress on anyone unwillingly), so once I got the Elrond kiss details, I tried to get away without seeing much else. But there was some information on the big Haladriel scene.

I’m actually not going to detail it here, because – overall – I think we’ll still super enjoy it (just…lower those kiss expectations) AND because I don’t think all of it was spoiled. At the end of the day, there will be plenty to unpack, they’ll be back on our screens, it will be meaty, it will be layered. I’m really looking forward to it, in general.

My one fear is that it’s a season 1 finale repeat. And again, that won’t necessarily be bad per se, but it will feel a little bit underwhelming. Now, I’m not somebody that wants a true corruption arc for Galadriel. Normally, I love that shit, but not in this IP and not with this character. I want to see her explore her darkness, I want to see her face it and accept it, and I certainly want to see her be tempted…but I don’t expect or believe we'll ever actually get the whole ‘dark queen of Mordor’ vibe. Prisoner? Maybe. But not an actual dark queen.

That said…surely this scene doesn’t play out the EXACT same way as season 1? Sauron shows her a vision, she’s tempted, but ultimately resists and tells him she’ll never be at his side. I just don’t get why we’d repeat that, when there are so many other options that still keep Gal on the side of light.

I keep coming back to Galadriel’s line to Elrond in episode 4 – when it comes down to it, he has to choose to defeat Sauron and sacrifice her. I feel like if I hadn’t seen the leaks, then I would be 1000% expecting this to be the outcome. Especially with how Elrond’s theme comes in at the end of The Last Temptation track. He comes upon the confrontation but chooses to do the thing that will harm Sauron in the long run, rather than the thing that will save Galadriel.

I hope so badly for this, but I do worry that it will go the other way. What if it parallels Gandalfanger’s destiny/friend choice, and Elrond chooses her because THAT is how light wins or some shit? Not that this will be a bad scene by any stretch – I love their relationship and want to see their FRIENDSHIP (grrrr) reforged…but, again, the S1 finale! Sauron left her in the water, and Elrond was there to save her.

There’s also Galadriel’s conversation with Adar in the most recent episode – you succumbed, I resisted – but I guess this could go either way? He succumbed, so she resists. She insists she’s able to resist, so she succumbs. URGH. MY HEAD.

There MUST be a difference. SURELY??? Like, this season has been so well written…I just can’t comprehend the copy and paste.

Again, this isn’t anything close to a deal breaker for me. I firmly believe the showrunners when they say this relationship will remain the core of the show, but…hmmm. Okay, on that note…

DAMAGE CONTROL – MOVING ONTO THE DEFENCE OF THE SHOW

So, this is where I want to get into some stuff that I just…don’t agree with that I’ve seen being thrown at the show by shippers. And I’ll reiterate here that I’m truly not telling anybody what to feel. You can hate the show for its choices and feel how you feel. You can express yourself in your social media spaces, and if anybody doesn’t like it they can mute/block/unfollow. This chunk isn’t really aimed at you guys.

This is more for other people like me, because I’m cursed to be somebody that generally wants to just…enjoy things for what they are, while also being susceptible to the mood of others. I want to scroll tags and have a good time, rather than see negativity because it lowers my mood (this isn’t just ship related by the way, I really love this show overall…it’s just this tag that has been impacting my mood most this season). Regardless of the nonsense that might be in episode 7, and even if the finale scene is a repeat of S1, I’m still going to want to focus on enjoying what we get, enjoying the narrative being told etc. So, for those of you that have a little sinking feeling in your gut after the first half of this post, hopefully this second half will help.

This isn’t a ‘typical’ ship. This is a true ENEMIES ARE ENEMIES dynamic where the bad boy is ultimately going to be (is already) pure evil, and where our heroine is the embodiment of light. There are certain things that we just have to accept when it comes to loving this dynamic as part of the show – there will never be another season like season 1. Nor should there be?

Do I wish for s3 to have them in close proximity for at least a few episodes? Of course! Do I think it’s possible with or without finale spoilers? Absolutely (given how quickly characters travel from place to place on this show, they could end the season at opposite ends of Middle Earth and this would still be on the cards…). I’m also anticipating Season 4 as a good time for them to be in full MIND PALACE mode – where the rings are all ringing, but Galadriel hasn’t yet worked out how to shut him out yet. By season 5, there might just be one final scene before the final battle. But, again, I really do think there needs to be a little bit of acceptance of that. Or, at least, expectation of it.

Something I really want to push back against is this idea that Haladriel was baited or teased, but the writers don’t actually care for it. Honestly, that’s nonsense to me on a couple of levels.

First of all, almost EVERY dynamic this season has been reduced to a handful of scenes here and there. The most consistent relationships have probably been Annatar and Celebrimbor, and Durin+Durin+Disa (off the top of my head). Elrond and Durin (probably the other most popular dynamic of S1) have been apart all season, Elrond and Galadriel have too. Isildur popped up to say hello and we might not see him again.

When you actually stop and look at this season…Sauron and Galadriel had to be separated. She could not be anywhere near him while he’s working Celebrimbor, and there’s no world in which they were ever going to change that narrative. And yet, the Sauron and Galadriel dynamic has been consistent across the season. With Galadriel predominantly (and depending on how the finale goes, I may have thoughts on this), but it has also been easier with her because people have talked with her openly about Sauron. It’s been harder on his side, but the fact that Mirdania seems to have been cast to look like Galadriel honestly – right now – feels like it was done with the express purpose of giving Sauron a Galadriel reference.

Again, I’m not saying you have to like the lack of scenes, but it’s not bad writing to respect the overarching narrative of an ensemble show. Galadriel’s season has been all about him, and we’ve had countless insights to make that clear – building up to their final confrontation. If Sauron was running around mentioning Galadriel every five seconds with Celebrimbor or with the dwarves, it would be horrendously out of character.

This next comment is…somewhat dependent on the finale…but as somebody that loves Elendil and Miriel, everything in Numenor has been somewhat crammed in. I would firmly argue that the Galadriel/Sauron dynamic across this season has been treated with care and reverence, all building to a climax designed as the high point of the season. Will we be 100% satisfied? Who can say! But it IS what the season is building to.

I think this brings me around to a particular gripe I have, and maybe the people that believe this came to the show after S1 had fully aired or something…but there’s this idea floating around that the showrunners don’t like this dynamic and are just giving it crumbs to bait people into watching. This makes me want to scream.

These showrunners literally took a few lines about Galadriel being tempted by Sauron and PITCHED THE ENTIRE SHOW OFF OF THAT. The Tolkien estate wasn’t only pitched by Amazon BUT CHOSE THIS PITCH OVER ANYTHING ELSE. Season 1 was written pretty much like a prologue centred around GALADRIEL AND SAURON HAVING A PERSONAL CONNECTION WITH ROMANTIC UNDERTONES…and guess what?

They wrote all that…they filmed ALL THAT…before knowing anything about the audience reaction! That was ALL the showrunners, the writers, the directors, the actors. They ARE the narrative. They are not bait.

Does that mean the fundamentals of their dynamic will always please you, individually? No, of course not. Some people want outright romance, some people want soft Sauron, some people want Dark Galadriel. Will they kiss? I doubt it. Do I wish they would? Sure! Will they be separated again next season? Probably! Will I also wish that they could at least be stuck together for a run of episodes again? Absolutely!

But the idea that any of this is bait, or unimportant to the show drives me a little bit bonkers.

I guess my personal feeling of frustration comes from the fact that I feel so lucky they are exploring this show from the perspective of this dynamic, regardless of specific details/scenes. I’d bet my house (I don’t own a house) that every other pitch hinged on Elendil or Isildur as the protagonists of the show. Now, I love those dudes, but just IMAGINE? The fact that we’re on this path at all is still WILD to me.

ANYWAY, this is what happens when Paulina goes on holiday and I have nobody to ramble too. Sorry for the explosion, but I’ve been dreading the stupid kiss spoiler since I stumbled on it after EPISODE BLOODY 3 and so I needed to vent somewhere.

TL;DR: You are welcome to feel the way you feel, and if you hate everything you go right ahead, but maybe this makes sense to somebody. IDK. IDK.

[poppy-metal]

you just gave me a place to talk step sibling jordan- i'm not okay.. i can see them using their fem form as an excuse to do things that wouldn't usually pass under the radar like sleeping together, trying on clothes in the same changing stall EVEN SHOWERING TOGETHER OMG

- 🐞

100% on the sharing a bed together - nd the shower.... oof. they come in quick under the guise of needing a quick shower because they have practice early and you always take long ass showers. just sliding the door open and stepping in, rolling their eyes at your shocked squeak and the way your arms come up to cover your wet tits. "oh, chill the fuck out out. we've got the same bits - scootch over i need the water."

and you're so flustered, stepping back at their command on instinct just open mouthed. jordan in fem!form is.... beautiful to say the least. her tits are perfect, firm and full, settled on her chest. nipples soft due to the steam in the room, pale skin like porcelain - they turn to let the water run over their hair and now you're looking at their ass. the muscles in the backs of their taught tighs, broad shoulders with sharp shoulder blades. you feel funny.

"you could have knocked..." you grumble, reaching for your favorite strawberry scented body wash, looking away from their body.

jordan turns to face you again, rubbing shampoo through their hair and now you're aware of their eyes on your body. "you're a hot water hog. I'm not about to freeze my tits off because you aren't used to sharing, princess."

you lather the body wash in your hands, hesitating because their eyes are still on you. you feel them on your breasts, sliding down your navel, to the space between your thighs. your face heats hands coming to cup over your pussy.

"you're bare?" they say is so bluntly, eyes trained down even though you're hiding it now.

"dont look!" you hiss, squirming. "it - it feels better this way." you try not to glance down at their own cunt, but you cant help it - a thick thatch of hair rests between their legs. you swallow and look away, dont know why your inner walls clench. "can you just hurry up. this is weird."

they do. the encounter leaves you confused and flustered. and jordan.... well. they have no material to jerk off to. the sight of your bare pussy - your pretty little tits. the shy way you cowered against the shower wall. and they dont bother to keep quiet either. room right next to yours, you could easily overhear if you pressed your ear to your wall, the sounds of their grunts and the slick glide of their hand over their cock. tight curses hissed through teeth, and if you really listen you might even hear your name said.

[starly-amazing]

"I want to love you the way you need to be loved"

Summary:

Post-canon: Siffrin and Isabeau are finally alone together after the time loops ended. They start to cuddle, and kiss, and explore each other, but when things get more heated, Siffrin must face the fact that their intimacy needs are much different than Isabeau's.

archiveofourown org/works/58958008

Get ready ISAT fans for the first of my 50,000 ISAT fic ideas that are plaguing my mind.

----------------------------------------------

"Hey, Sif, you awake?"

Siffrin feels something gently nudge his shoulder. He grunts and pries his eye open to see a blurred Isabeau standing over him.

"Oh, sorry." He backs away. "Didn't realize you were that tired, I'll let you rest."

"No, it's okay Isa." Siffrin sits up in his bed in the clock tower and quickly wipes the sleep from his eye. Out of habit he wipes at the scarred mess that was once his other eye, too. The sensation makes him wince. "What's up?" he yawns.

"You sure? I can wait, it's fine."

"Tell meeee," Siffrin pouts.

"Sorry." He grabs his shoulder and briefly looks away. "It’s just that the others left for a while and I wanted to—to spend some time with you. Like, just the two of us.” His cheeks darken. “B-but if you want to keep sleeping that’s okay too I know you’ve been through a lot and you probably need to sleep for a year to catch up from—”

“Isa.”

Isabeau jumps. “Y-yeah?”

He smiles. “I’d love that.”

"Really?" He stands up taller. "Yippee!"

Cute.

"But really, if you're too tired we can wait. I don't want to p—"

Siffrin throws his pillow directly into Isabeau's face. He stumbles back with a loud oof.

"Hey!"

"We are hanging out now," they command. "What did you have in mind?”

“Oh, uh. I’m not sure," Isabeau snorts. "The others just left so I didn’t have much time to think about it.”

“Hmm...” Siffrin pinches their lip and wracks their brain.

“It was kinda weird though,” Isabeau continues as he stares out the window. “Odile left a sock on the door handle. I don’t really know what that means, maybe it’s a Ka Bue thing?” He scratches at his stubble. “But! She said they won’t come back until we take it off. So we can do whatever; play some games, talk about something, c-c-cud—I mean you don’t have to talk about anything too heavy if you don’t want to. I know it’s all still pretty raw for you so we can just talk about the stars or wood crafting or something."

Cud...dle?

"Cuddling sounds nice," Siffrin says, softer than a whisper.

"Huh?" Isabeau leans closer.

“I think,” he speaks up just a bit. “I’d like a...a hug.”

Isabeau beams and nods. “Yeah. Yeah! I can do that!”

Siffrin shifts closer to the wall to give Isabeau space to get in.

He climbs in and comes to rest close to Siffrin. Not touching, but closer than he’s ever been while sleeping beside him.

Siffrin feels their heart pounding against their ribs. His cheeks grow warm.

Isabeau doesn’t move.

He just stares and worries his lip with his teeth.

“Isa?”

“Ah—sorry, just a bit overwhelmed about sharing a bed with you.”

Siffrin tilts their head. “We’ve shared beds loads of times.”

“Y-yeah I know, but it feels different now, since, y’know—I confessed my feelings and we’re not going to sleep for the night or anything.”

Siffrin couldn’t hold back a breathy chuckle. He throws the blanket over Isabeau and brushes against his arm as they pull back. Isabeau shudders.

Siffrin pokes him in the ribs.

“H-hey!” he squeaks. “I’m sensitive there!”

“Hurry up and hug me,” Siffrin whines.

“Okay okay fine. If you insiiiiiist.”

They stick their tongues out at each other.

Isabeau reaches out.

He lightly touches Siffrin’s shoulder, then cups his face.

Siffrin shifts forward and allows themself to be wrapped up in Isabeau’s embrace. He pulls them close. They can barely move but manage to wrap their arms around him and squeeze even tighter.

“Wow, Sif, you sure have an iron grip.”

“That’s a bit…ironic since you’re the one with the muscles.”

"Ha! That's a good one."

"Really? I'd say it's pretty...metal-ocre."

"Metal-ocre!? Your puns steel my breath away."

"They do? Well..." Siffrin scrunches their face. "Something something copper I'm all out now."

"Really?" Isabeau tilts his head, then scrunches his face in the same way Siffrin did. "Yeah I've got nothing too."

They both break out into a bout of childish chuckling.

Siffrin sighs and rests his head on Isabeau’s chest.

It feels nice.

Warm.

Safe.

Like home.

Home.

Siffrin realizes now that they’re embracing he can finally try something he’s been wondering about for many many loops.

He shifts himself around and clambers on top of Isabeau.

“Whoawawawawao—” He sputters. “Sif!?”

Siffrin hums and lays down. “You make a nice bed.” He closes his eye. Isabeau's heart is thundering in his chest.

“Haahhsldfla;kdfa;skasf;ffff!!!” Isabeau makes a noise Siffrin didn’t know one was capable of.

Slowly.

He realizes…

The kind of power he wields.

A mischievous smirk grows on his face and he sits up over him. Isabeau’s cheeks grow darker than Siffrin has ever seen. He straddles his hips and pins his arms to the bed.

“Sif?” His voice cracks. He’s wearing a lopsided smile on his face.

“Yes, Mr. Amazing-Wonderful-Funny-Buff Isabeau?”

Isabeau’s mouth falls open and he lets out another inhuman squeal. His brow begins to glisten with sweat.

“Are you okay?”

Isabeau coughs and nods. “Yep! More than okay! I haven’t been this okay in...I don’t know!”

Siffrin leans back and tilts his head. His smile wavers. “That wasn’t sarcasm, was it?”

“No!” Isabeau jolts up. “No! Nonono I truly mean it I’m just...wow this is really happening I don’t know if my heart can take it we’re moving so fast and wow—I mean I’m one hundred percent on board with this!”

Siffrin sticks out his tongue and leans closer.

He looks at the faint glimmer of balm on Isabeau’s lips. He wonders what it tastes like. Is it flavored? Or plain—just for keeping his lips from chapping? For looks? For making Siffrin’s mind race with useless questions?

He leans forward just a bit more.

He looks into Isabeau’s eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” He learned his lesson before. He knows what the answer will be, but he can’t fully push the memory to the wayside.

Isabeau nods furiously. Siffrin almost worries he’s going to hurt himself.

He waits a moment for the fighter to calm himself and leans in.

Their lips almost touch; he can feel Isabeau’s heat radiating out. But he pauses.

Isabeau hums and lifts his arm—still being gripped tightly by Siffrin’s sweaty hands—and slides his fingers into their tangled—and also sweaty—hair.

He pulls them closer. Their noses bump and his lips find their resting place on Isabeau’s.

Siffrin lets out a soft squeak. He pulls back for a moment.

Isabeau looks at him, smiling awkwardly. His gaze is so soft, so welcoming.

Siffrin leans down into another kiss.

He’s not quite sure what to do next. They try to think of what the characters did in the plays they watched. He thinks about Mirabelle’s romance novels.

He sits back up.

“Sif?”

“I don’t know what to do now.”

Isabeau snorts and grins.

“Well we can uh…” His smile fades a bit as a look of mild panic crosses his face. “Uhh…I don’t know either. I didn’t think we’d get this far.”

Siffrin snorts too. He coughs out a chuckle, and then another. Soon, he’s doubled over laughing with Isabeau joining in shortly after. They press their forehead to his chest and let their tears soak into his soft shirt.

They sigh. "Ohhh stars."

"Ohhh stars," Isabeau repeats. He rubs his hand down Siffrin's back.

Siffrin sits up and wipes their face. “You really haven’t done this before?”

“Not really,” Isabeau coughs and looks at the wall with his lip between his teeth, “the furthest I’ve gotten before were always quick hello and goodbye kisses.”

Siffrin chuckles. “Further than I’ve ever gotten.”

“Well,” Isabeau pulls Siffrin close to his face. “Let’s change that.”

“But how though?” He purses his lips.

Isabeau snorts. “O-oh, right. Uhh...” He looks around the room, lost in thought. “Well some people use...tongues.”

“Tongues?”

“Yeah, like, sticking their tongues in each other’s mouths.”

Siffrin grimaces. “That sounds disgusting.”

“Does it? Y-yeah it does. Doesn’t it? It’s nasty, let's not do that.” He tugs at the end of the blanket bunched up under him.

“Well, do you remember what your parents did?”

“What?!”

“You know, like whenever they kissed, what did they do?”

“My parents are the last people I’d like to think about right now Sif!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” He was not kidding.

Isabeau rubs his legs together and makes a few soft groaning sounds. The bed creaks under their combined weight.

“Egh, enough thinking let’s just kiss each other all over and see what feels good.” He let out a sharp breath as if he had been struggling to get those words out.

"Sounds like a plan," Siffrin smirks.

They stare at each other.

Siffrin swallows the knot in their throat.

Isabeau tentatively places his hand on Siffrin's cheek.

A switch goes off in their mind and before they know it they're on top of Isabeau, kissing everything they can reach. Isabeau flails for a moment before grabbing him behind the neck and back and pinning them against him. He falls back in bed and they both sprawl out as they ravenously go at each other's faces.

Isabeau’s grip on Siffrin’s neck holds him against his lips and they can barely come up for air. He’s not about to complain though. They shift themself a bit under His strong grip, just enough to lift themself up and wedge their leg between his thighs. That elicits a loud grunt from their partner and he freezes for a moment. Encouraged, they press forward a bit and tease another strangled squeal from him.

Cuuute.

Siffrin tries to push themself up but Isabeau tightens his grip and keeps him pinned. They almost want to complain, but the iron grip he has on their lower back causes it to pop audibly and release some hidden tension.

Isabeau gasps. "You okay?" He leans back to look but Siffrin pulls forward and nips at the corner of his jaw.

"Stars, yeah, I needed that." Siffrin works their arms up his neck and through his hair. They tug at it; each yank pulls a muffled moan from his throat. Siffrin sits up a bit to catch their breath and dives back in.

They wrap his hair in their fingers and hold him against the bed. He plants a kiss on the side of his lips and then another, and another—each a little further down his jaw. Isabeau tries to reciprocate but Siffrin holds him in place with a palm on his chest. They don’t use much force, just enough to keep him still so they can go about their business uninterrupted. Though, they know even if they used all their strength there was no way they could keep the fighter down even for a second.

Oh, wait.

They can now.

If there was one good thing about the loops, it's that now Siffrin has the power to protect all their friends from harm.

...And finally win an arm wrestling match against Isabeau.

...or at least Bonnie.

Siffrin pushes the urge to call for a rematch and continues his journey towards Isabeau’s ear. Their lips come to a stop right at the edge.

They take his chin between two fingers and turn his head to the side.

He's shaking. trembling.

Siffrin kisses his ear and takes the edge gently in their mouth.

Isabeau squeals breathlessly as his grip tightens around Siffrin like a massive ravenous snake.

They bite down just a little bit and very lightly scrape their teeth against his skin.

Isabeau makes another inhuman squeal.

Siffrin's lips curl up in a catlike smirk.

"Isaaaa," they mewl right into his ear.

"MmmMmmhHhmmM?"

Siffrin thinks about all the sounds and expressions he can pry out of him. All with a few words and touches.

It will be so easy.

"I'm glad you're 'ear with me now."

Isabeau groans and curls in on himself, nearly throwing Siffrin off the bed. If he wasn’t already clinging to him he would have ended up on the floor.

Cute. Cute. Cuuute.

“Siffriiiiinnnnnnnn.”

Very cute.

“Yes, Mr. Amazing-Wonderful-Funny-Buff Isabeau?”

Isabeau squeals and covers his face. “Noooo! You can’t do that twice in one day! My poor old heart!”

“If you’re old, then what does that make me?” Siffrin fakes offense. “What does that make Odile!?”

"Ancient and decrepit."

"Wow."

"What are you going to do about it? Are you going to punish me?" He looks at Siffrin coyly with a trembling lip.

Siffrin tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. "Huh? Do you want me to spank you or something?"

Isabeau's eyes go wide. "...Maybe."

"What."

"What. Never mind, let's just keep making out."

Siffrin blinks a few times and they resume sloppily kissing and nibbling at each other's faces. It's a hit and miss on what works. Siffrin bites down too hard on Isabeau's ear; Isabeau moves too fast and collides with Siffrin's nose. They don't give up though, and eventually they start to find things that work more often than not.

Isabeau grows a bit bolder; bit by bit moving his hands lower and lower on Siffrin's body. They sigh as his fingers dig into another spot on his back that's been bothering him for a while. Isabeau works on that spot for a while and Siffrin, in turn, starts working on his shoulders.

Isabeau's hands may be large but they're so delicate with Siffrin. They almost want to curl up and fall asleep right on top of him and let him work out every little kink in their muscles.

Not yet though. They have so much to learn. So much to explore.

They blink away the exhaustion and dig their fingers in a tight spot at the base of his head. Isabeau lets out a soft sigh, almost a moan. The sound rouses Siffrin and they keep trying to pull more noises like that from him.

Isabeau slides one hand up Siffrin's body and back into his hair. He tugs and they let out a high whine then slap a hand over their mouth. Isabeau looks at them with a shocked, crooked smile. He laughs.

"We really need—" Isabeau pauses to inhale sharply as Siffrin takes his earring in their teeth. "—to fix your hair up—" Siffrin tugs at it a little, "—when we're done."

Siffrin mumbles an agreement. Isabeau tugs at his hair again and they lose their grip on his earring.

He props them up and pulls Siffrin's head back, exposing his neck.

Isabeau presses a kiss under their jaw.

Siffrin grunts and grabs Isabeau's shoulders for stability.

"You like that?" he breathes.

"Mhm." Siffrin tries to nod but is held fast. His eyes roll back in his head as Isabeau takes the reins.

"Aah." They squeeze tighter as Isabeau begins to kiss and suck at their neck. The hand not tangled in their hair starts to travel around; it slides over his chest and down his stomach. He presses his fingers into a fold in their shirt and begins to tug it upward.

The sudden cool air makes them shudder.

They feel the tips of Isabeau's fingers brush against an old scar.

His hands are impossibly warm.

They’re even warmer against his bare skin.

He didn't realize he could get more relaxed.

But then…

Isabeau starts to slide his hands down.

Down to the hem of Siffrin’s pants.

Wait.

Isabeau pulls back to look at them. He tilts his head in a questioning manner. Siffrin puts on a smile for him. He nods with half-lidded eyes.

He makes himself relax again.

Isa’s not like you.

Isabeau makes an adorably excited noise that eases Siffrin’s nerves a bit. But then he slides his hand along their thigh and around their ass.

He’s going to want more.

Isabeau’s ministrations get closer and closer to the space between their legs. He’s being slow, cautious, gentle.

But still...

Are you going to give it to him?

“Hey, Sif? You okay?” Isabeau's voice jerks them out of their thoughts.

No.

“Yeah.”

Isabeau studies their features for a moment. He looks thoroughly unconvinced.

“Am I moving too fast? I’m sorry I was just so excited to finally be with you like this I just kinda got ahead of myself hahahahhh…”

“It’s fine,” Siffrin smiles.

Just tell him.

“Are you sure? Really, I’m okay with slowing down or waiting.”

Don’t string him along.

“Really, I’m fine with whatever you want to do.”

But he’s been waiting so long to do this, it’s the least you can do for him.

“Promise?”

Just let him do this. You’ll get used to it.

“I…”

Do it. Just do it. You'll blinding get used to it. Don't disappoint him. He wants this, you want this. You WANT this.

“Sif?”

They clutch their chest.

“No!” they finally gasp. “I can’t promise because I don’t want this! I never wanted this!”

Isabeau bolts upright. “Wh-what?" He pulls his hands back from them. "Sif what do you mean?” His voice cracks.

Siffrin hisses under his breath. “I mean I do want this! I want you! I want to be with you and hold you and kiss you and love and touch you but not—" They cross their legs and shift away. "I don't want—” They bite down on their lip hard enough to break skin. Tears begin to stream down their face. "It’s too much."

“You mean like...” His voice quiets. "Not actual s-sex?"

Siffrin nods. They clench their jaw and take a shuddering breath. "But it's not you. I promise it's not you. I just—thinking about it always makes me feel gross." They grip their shoulders and shudder. "And anxious and...eugh."

“Wait,” Isabeau says. He narrows his eyes and loses himself in thought for a brief moment. "You mean like how Mirabelle is?”

Siffrin nods, and repeatedly wipes the tears away. "Sort of, yeah."

Isabeau closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh and a winded chuckle.

He breathes in.

And out.

“Oh, thank the Change God.” He covers his eyes with the back of his forearm.

Siffrin looks up. Isabeau peers over and jolts back a bit.

“Oh—er—I was worried you were...well not...lying but like," he chews on his lip, "I dunno—or that maybe I did something wrong in one of your loops or now maybe it was me just moving too fast when you’re still so—" he grinds his teeth. "or maybe something else happened...to make you...”

A disgusting pathetic mess?

Siffrin shakes their head and wipes their face again. “No, nothing happened.” He pauses and squeezes his eye shut. A sharp pain shoots through the scar over their missing eye. They ignore it. “At least, not that I remember…”

Isabeau reaches out to him but stops a few inches from him. After a moment of hesitation, Siffrin takes his hand in both of theirs. He squeezes it gently but makes no other move.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice is gentle, without judgment or expectation, but Siffrin feels obligated nonetheless.

He squeezes Isabeau's hand. Isa puts his free hand on top of theirs.

Siffrin takes a breath. “I think it’s always been like this." He exhales slowly and takes another breath. "I love you, Isa. I love your touch and how gentle you just were and how you held me and kissed me but when I think about actual...sex...with anyone...I just—” They shudder again.

“Oh, Sif.” Isabeau tenderly cups their cheek and wipes the tears from their eye. Siffrin tries to hide their face away  but Isabeau holds him just tight enough to make him pause. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything that makes you feel like that. Okay?”

Siffrin nods and sniffs. “Okay.” He squeezes his eye shut and shakes his head. “I mean—No, no! You want this! You’ve been wanting this! After all I’ve done to you I should at least try this and get used to it!”

“Not if it’s causing you this much pain!”

Siffrin flinched and turned away, breaking Isabeau's grip.

“Sif, I’m sorry,” Isabeau gasps. He places his palm back on Siffrin's hands. “I just don’t want you to punish yourself like this over the way you feel. Over anything."

Siffrin digs their heels into the mattress. "Not punishment. I just need to get used to it."

"Forcing yourself to do this is only going to hurt you." He squeezes Siffrin's hands.

Siffrin shrinks in on themself.

"It's not good for either of us, Sif."

They bite their lip. They can't bring themself to speak—to argue.

"I'm sorry." They hang their head low and rest their forehead against Isabeau's shoulder.

“It kind of hurts, Sif—that you think I’d be so desperate for sex I would put my wants over your needs like this.” Isabeau looks at Siffrin with a tired frown. "And you're willing to use me to hurt yourself, too."

Stupid. Stupid. Now you’ve upset him, you blinding idiot.

"I'm sorry," they murmur.

A feeling of disgust claws at their chest and they pull back again. They grab at their hair and dig their nails into their scalp.

"I'm sorry!"

They pull at their hair and begin to tear a fistful out.

Tears threaten to fall again. He closes his eye and tries to hold them back.

Isabeau reaches out and gently pulls Siffrin’s hands away from their head.

“Sif, no. I didn't mean to snap at you,” Isabeau sighs. "I'm sorry. I know this isn't about me; I know you're struggling." He untangles their fingers. His hands are still so warm. So gentle. “I’m not mad. I just want you to have more faith in me.”

“Sorry,” they mumble. Is that really all they can say anymore?

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” He squeezes their hands. "You know I care about you so so much and I want you to be happy."

Siffrin doesn't reply. He can't.

"It's trueee. And I'll say it as much as I need to. "I care about you Siffrin. I love you. I want you to be happy."

Siffrin presses his forehead against Isabeau's hands. "I want you to be happy, too." Their voice is weak but Isabeau hears it all the same. "I love you and care about you, too."

Isabeau cracks a smile. “Can I hug you?”

Siffrin wipes their eye and nods. Isabeau untangles his hands from Siffrin's and wraps his arms around them.

Warm.

Isabeau runs his fingers through their messy hair.

It’s nice.

Siffrin grimaces as more tears well up in his eye.

Safe.

His chest is heavy, his throat is tight.

They press their face to Isabeau’s chest and break down.

Isabeau holds him close as he cries. He rubs small circles on their back and speaks softly to him. They're wailing too loud to hear what he’s saying but it's comforting all the same.

“Ugh, ugh, ugh!” They yell. His voice is muffled by Isabeau’s shirt. “I keep ruining everything! I said I’d be more honest with you, with all of you and I’m already failing that!”

Isabeau presses his lips to the top of their head. “But you’re trying. That’s what’s important.” He pauses as Siffrin lets out a small whine. “There’s no way any of us would expect you to be perfect at it right off the bat.”

Siffrin whines again.

“It’s true, though.” Isabeau kisses Siffrin’s forehead lightly. "And I promise I'll stay by your side even when you mess up. Because you're more than your mistakes." He presses his face in the crook of Siffrin's neck. "You're so much more," he whispers.

Siffrin is quiet for a long time. Isabeau doesn't push him for a response; he simply keeps stroking their hair.

“I guess...you’re right.”

Isabeau shakes his head. “You know I’m right.”

Siffrin groans then snorts out a single, weak chuckle.

“I want you to say it, Sif. ‘You’re right about that Mr. Amazing-Wonderful-Funny-Buff Isabeau.’”

Siffrin sniffs and lets out another, tired chuckle. “I thought you said you can’t handle that name more than once a day?” He pouts in an exaggerated manner.

“Well I’m prepared now, so hit me!”

“Hit you? Okay.” Siffrin makes a fist and punches forward. He taps it to Isabeau’s chest. "Pow!"

Isabeau grips the impact point and collapses on the bed.

“My ribs!” he coughs. “You broke every rib in my body, Sif!” He goes limp and lets his tongue fall out.

“Eww, you’re going to get the pillow all nasty!” Siffrin grabs Isabeau's cheeks and turns his head up toward them.

"Siiiiffffrinn..." He wheezes. His hand weakly grasps at Siffrin's shirt and pulls them closer. "Say iiittt. My final request to youuuu."

Siffrin rolls their eye. "Shh, don't speak, my love. I—" Their eye widens. Their face grows unbearably hot.

"I want youuu to say that aaagaiiin tooooo," Isabeau cries with his fake wheeze. "Please, Sif before it's too laaaate."

Siffrin covers his face and lets out a long whine. "You're right about that Mr Amazing-Wonderful-Funny-Buff Isabeau. My love. The light of my life. Mi amor in shining armor. The wonderful man who may—possibly perhaps maybe one day be my h-h-husband."

Isabeau freezes. He stares at Siffrin, slack jawed. "I think my heart just stopped." He cycles through many expressions as his whole face is taken over by a blush. Siffrin can almost feel the heat radiating off it. They swallow a giggle and put on a face of pure despair.

"Noooooooooooo!" Siffrin cradles Isabeau in their arms and pulls him closer. "I was too late!" They take his hand and press it to their forehead. He swoons and curses the heavens.

Isabeau cracks one eye open and snorts, then is quickly taken over by a bout of laughter. Siffrin joins in, and soon the two of them are cackling like schoolchildren. His sides begin to ache but they can't stop.

They don't want to stop.

Finally Isabeau lets out a sigh, a cough, and a few more weak chuckles. They lie back on the bed with Siffrin sprawled on top of him and catch their breaths.

He pats Siffrin on the back. “You’re feeling better right?”

Siffrin nods and smiles while wiping his face. His eyes still feel puffy and his nose itches but at least he stopped crying. He doesn't want to let the high of their little bout of nonsense wear off.

“You’re not just switching to joker mode to distract me?”

They shake their head, still smiling. “Hey, that was a genuine side-splitting laugh.” He pokes his ribs and winces with a small oof.

"Good," he hums. "I'm glad. But, Sif?" He looks directly into their eye. "I'm gonna be serious for a second."

"Hmm?" Siffrin can already feel their heart rate increase but Isabeau quells his fears with a soft touch and reassuring smile.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Not now. Not ever.”

Siffrin looks away. "Okay." He pulls at a loose thread in the blanket. "I want to make you happy though."

“You do make me happy! I've been happy all this time knowing you and we've barely even touched before. It's not gonna change now."

Siffrin blushes. Barely was an understatement.

Isabeau kisses Siffrin right below his eye patch. "Look, we can work together to find out what you’re okay with, yeah? It doesn’t have to be today, or tomorrow, or next week. I want to know how to love you the way you need to be loved.”

Siffrin blinks away tears, but one escapes and falls onto Isabeau's shirt. He cups Siffrin's cheek and wipes the trail away.

"What about you though?" Siffrin leans into his touch.

Isabeau cups their other cheek and squeezes. “Hey, I have my nice hands I lovingly Crafted myself. I’ve survived this long without, you know, putting my dick—which I also lovingly crafted myself, by the way—in someone else, or, you know, the other way around. Y’kno?”

“I’kno,” Siffrin smirks. His chest feels a bit lighter.

Isabeau covers his face with his hands. “Aagh, you know what I mean. I mean—” He lets out a groan that slowly turns into a laugh. Siffrin can’t help but join in again.

Siffrin lies back down on Isabeau and wraps their small arms around him. Isabeau throws the blanket over them and pulls them close.

They just lie like that for a while.

Just...

Together.

Comfortably.

With no expectations.

With a soft touch and gentle words here and there.

“Don’t let go.”

“I won’t, I promise.” Isabeau takes Siffrin's hands and squeezes them gently and rhythmically.

“Or I might not be able to handle it.”

“I might have to break that promise.”

“Nooooo.”

[apostaterevolutionary]

So. Veilguard impressions so far (I’m about 13.5 hours in). Most of these are mechanical as I don’t feel like I’ve gotten enough time with the companions/story to have many opinions on it, but I feel like I at least have some opinions worth noting lmao (mostly no spoilers but like. Maybe a little so read at your own discretion)

Things I like:

I’m honestly still shocked my computer can actually run it and overall very well too

Character creator is super detailed, I love that

I keep falling off of ledges lmfao so I’m glad there’s no penalty for that

You can pet all the cats and dogs!!!!!

Also love that there’s no carry weight to contend with but I still get to pick up a ton of random items. It satisfies by urge to pick up anything that isn’t nailed down. This is great, especially after bg3 sksks (which I also enjoy as a game but pls why does gold have weight 😭)

So far I like the new companions a lot and I do enjoy these early game little almost… domestic? Or just small scale? Quests you have with them? Idk I dig it. I wasn’t sure about the ‘bond’ thing at first but on further reflection I like that you can gain approval-equivalent just by bringing them along. Makes things easier

I don’t dislike the vibes tbh like I’ve seen people say ‘oh it’s too happy and positive’ and like. Okay yeah 2 of the 3 companions you recruit early on are very bubbly but we also got blight horror all over the place so idk, maybe this is a complaint I’ll understand later but right now I don’t agree with it

Oh and I love the lantern system for when companions have dialogue - it’s a clever way of signifying when they’re all in different buildings

Things I don’t like:

I kinda get what people are saying about the handholding. Why do I need a little tip to tell me ‘[companion] has noted that you told them [thing you just said]’ 😭

Also while the new companions are fun, I do think Harding got hit pretty hard with ‘previous game lore dump’ duty cause damn. Admittedly I don’t remember her personality in inquisition super well but a lot of her dialogue just feels. Off in that way. I get it was necessary to do it somehow but. Oof. I feel bad for her cause it makes me less interested in her 😔

This is minor but I don’t like how when you load a save, it’s not actually where you saved. It’s at the last fast travel point. So it’s like. I found this hard-to-find spot last night. Saved. Planned to continue the quest the next day. Except! I have to find the spot again! And I forgot where it was! Why!!! This is absolutely a remnant of when it was a live service game but woof, why keep that in

Also bringing back the 100 save limit - actual worst feature of inquisition, why the hell would they keep it 💀 if anyone knows a mod to fix this, pls let me know, I need to have like 800 saves per run or I’ll die okay

And this is the big one tbh. I’m sorry but I really don’t like the combat 😶 like. Every boss fight is just the arishok fight except with help. Getting Lucanis has given some improvement cause now there’s at least another melee target on the field but at this point, I’m looking for a stealth option on that giant skill tree (why is it so big! I have no idea what I’m doing with it!!!) so I can go full skyrim (stealth archer) lmao. I’m hoping when I actually get to recruit a warrior (why is this the last class you get, that feels backwards), it’ll get more playable cause I’ll actually have a tank. Right now I just cannot understand why everyone says this is fun, I have had pretty much no fun in any of the fights (I’m becoming the person I was poking fun at before when I said it’s weird to play games if you don’t like half of it skskdk. Also ngl I would not be powering through if this were not a game I already had a vested interest in). Also how did anyone play a mage and make it through the first 10 hours, like I have NO idea. I’m very glad I didn’t, it’s hard enough with a rogue

Neutral observations/thoughts:

I’ve decided to play rook as like. A discount version of hawke? Cause I feel like that’s the kind of person varric would seek out, like a spark of the familiar is what drew Varric to them. And that’s adding a bit of fun headcanon flavour

(Also I have some suspicions that things are not as they seem with Varric but. We’ll see on that I suppose)

Also it’s funny cause I’ve always been a Solas neutral person (like him well enough but never understood why he was such a big deal to either the lovers or the haters). But I do find him more annoying here lmao. Maybe cause I’m rping too hard and Rook finds him annoying but I just think it’s funny

Also genuinely could not imagine this being someone’s first DA game sksks they are going to have no idea what’s going on lore-wise

[quiet-admirer]

Devotion

As promised, here is a little excerpt from Chapter 3 of my current work-in-progress, an enemies-to-lovers M/M queer weight gain kink and feedist story, Devotion, about 2 hardcore punks in 1979 :) Enjoy!

The walk home from the 7-Eleven was tantalizingly, excruciatingly long at first, but once Ira threw out a “How d’you think that bassist tonight got tone like that?” they got to talking shop, and it was like Diego blinked and they were at his apartment door.

Diego flopped onto the futon with the box of SusyQs on his lap and unwrapped his third of the night while Ira unlaced his boots across the room.

“Want a drink? There’s beer in the fridge.”

Ira slid off one boot then the other and stood them neatly by the door. “I don’t drink. Or smoke,” he said with unrestrained disdain. “I don’t do anything. I’m not going to waste time and money poisoning my body and my mind. I want to actually experience my life.”

God, Ira being not only totally straight but also a self-righteous snob about it made so much sense that Diego didn’t know why he’d even thought to offer him a beer in the first place.

“I don’t. Grab me some mind poison, will ya?” Truthfully, he was more in the mood for a Dr. Pepper, but giving Ira a hard time was more satisfying.

Ira pulled a face. “Get it yourself.” He sunk into the couch next to Diego and nudged the box of snack cakes with his foot. “Keep eating, SuzyQ. When you get through this box I’ll order the pizza.”

Diego had never before met anyone who gave him a truly carnal desire to throttle them and yet at the same time kiss them to within an inch of their life. It was as if this one shorter-than-average man single-handedly generated so much irritation that it flooded Diego’s brain and had nowhere to go but to overflow directly to his dick. And somehow he’d also enjoyed every minute he’d spent with Ira in the days since they’d made up. Only Meena could’ve made Diego smile more than he had in the past few hours.

With so many opposing emotions flooding his veins, all Diego could manage was to stuff the cake into his mouth pointedly before retrieving both a beer and a Dr. Pepper for himself, and knocked into Ira maybe a little more than was necessary when he returned to the futon. It took him two more SuzyQs to feel levelheaded enough to resume his questioning.

“So, how does this eating part usually work? Do you handcuff me to the chair and make me eat? Blindfold me? Spoon-feed me like a baby? Am I supposed to act like I don’t like it – is making someone eat how you discipline them – or are you more of a praise guy? Or do you just jerk off while you watch?”

“Hm, well… Any of those, I guess. There isn’t one way to do it, everyone’s different. Just depends on what gets ya hard – and gets you eating, you know?” He looked at Diego thoughtfully. “You’re kind of creative, when it comes to weird sex stuff.”

“Thanks for specifying that the creativity is for weird sex stuff in case I got confused and thought you meant I was a creative person generally, or as, say, a musician.”

“You’re welcome,” Ira said with a nasty sarcastic smile. “With the guys I’ve been with, a couple of them did want me to tie them up and act like I’m forcing them to eat. That’s fine, I don’t mind that. My favorite is probably just feeding someone, though. So, basically I keep giving them food until they physically can’t eat anymore.”

“Huh, okay.” Diego was no stranger to that feeling, and it sure wasn’t a bad one by any means. He mulled the logistics over in his head. “Let’s try that. So, you’ll just keep handing me slices of pizza until I tap out?”

“Yep. And if you’re too full to keep feeding them to yourself but you want to keep eating, I’ll feed them to you,” Ira explained.

“Too full to keep feeding myself but want to keep eating…” Oof. Okay, this was sounding more and more like Diego’s kind of sex. “You know, I can really put it away under the right conditions, but… you’ve been with some serious eaters, huh?”

Ira laughed. “You could definitely say that.”

“And is there any roleplay or anything? Are there certain things you want me to say or things you want to say?”

He shook his head. “No roleplay the first time. Especially since you’re new to all this. I want you to get a feel for what it’s like eating that much. It can be a lot for some people.” Ira reached over Diego’s lap and retrieved the Dr. Pepper, and Diego let him even though it had definitely been for himself. Ira cracked open the can with a hiss and took a long gulp. “And you don’t just want to eat: you want to put your 30 pounds back on. But the thing about gaining a lot of weight is that it’s not like other pervert stuff where you can just put on a costume when you’re feeling horny; it’s not something you do here and there. You have to eat more on a regular basis.” Ira stood and paced halfway across the room before turning back again.

“Not everyone likes doing it this way – the eating a lot at once way. Some people prefer eating a little more at meals and snacking throughout the day,” he gestured in the air with his can of Dr. Pepper like he was a professor giving a lecture. “So, tonight we’re just seeing if you’re into this kind of eating. I’m going to be responsible for your weight gain, and– well, you already know putting weight on and keeping it on isn’t as easy as it looks, so I like to play to a guy’s strengths to get that to happen. That’s why I want to see what your real reactions are when we start out. We can add the fun stuff as we go.”

It sounded surprisingly sweet when Ira talked about it in a practical way and not just in a heat-of-the-moment ‘I’m going to be the one to put all this weight on you,’ cue evil laugh, kind of way. He was dominant in the sense that he was looking out for Diego; taking care of him. Not just fattening him up, but helping him gain weight. A dictator maybe, but a benevolent one, which on Ira was ridiculously endearing.

“I think I get it,” Diego smiled. “‘With great power comes great responsibility.’”

Ira looked at him with distaste. “Is that from the bible or something?”

Diego snorted. He grabbed the phone off the upturned milk crate beside the futon and shoved it into Ira’s chest. “Just order the damn pizza.”

Diego finished the first box of SuzyQs and they’d moved to necking on the couch by the time two large pizzas arrived.

Ira opened the first box but paused halfway through reaching for the first slice.

“Oh, you said you were into leather, right? Do you have gear, or– anything you wanna wear while we do this?”

“Oh. No,” Diego scrunched his nose. “It’s all too big for me right now.”

“That sucks,” Ira said, with actual sympathy. He picked up the first slice of pizza, pepperoni, and offered it to Diego. “Maybe I can help you out with that.”

Diego took as big of a bite of pizza as he could fit in his mouth before taking the slice from Ira. “Please do,” Diego said through a full mouth.

“You should try them on for me so I can see what we’re starting with.”

“Sure.” He crammed in the rest of the slice and stood, kicking a box out from under the futon. Still chewing, he dug in the back of the closet for his jacket and pants.

They weren’t anything fancy, no bells or whistles, just a pair of black leather pants and a simple leather jacket; vintage, but he took a sense of pride in them all the same.

Diego stripped, then pulled on the pants without bothering to unbutton them. Kneeling, he removed the lid from the box.

“Boots. Harness,” he pointed. He slipped the harness on, then the jacket, and stood again. He had to widen his stance a little to keep the pants from sliding down.

Ira had another slice of pizza in hand as he joined Diego in the center of the room. Same as the first slice, Diego took a bite as Ira held it up for him before taking it for himself.

Ira circled Diego like he was inspecting him, appraising him. It sent a little thrill through Diego’s stomach knowing that as fat as he already was, it was clear from some of the things Ira had been saying that he still thought of Diego as pretty small.

Good. Diego never wanted to be this size again. Ira had better get a good look now.

After a final turn, Ira hooked a finger in Diego’s waistband and tugged a little, exposing about an inch gap between the leather and Diego’s skin. He did the same with the harness: a hand-me-down from a guy who probably had about a hundred pounds on Diego, so Diego had already been on the smallest holes of the buckled straps before he lost the weight. It would be easy to have a bootblack add in another set of holes, but that thought always made this size seem long-term, permanent.

So here he was: harness hanging limp off his chest, leather pants loose through the thighs, shoulders and biceps not quite filling out his jacket. But he couldn’t bring himself to be self-conscious. Ira’s hungry gaze roaming over him, and the quickly vanishing second slice of pizza infused the buzz of potential into the air. The space between himself and his leather wasn’t feeling quite so large tonight.

Ira was smiling as Diego finished slice number two. “You look hot. I’ve never really been that much of a leather guy, but… you might’ve sold me.”

“You should see me when they actually fit.” He brought his hands to his hips and gave Ira a cocky smile. “My ass looks really great in leather.”

“Already does.” Ira stepped in. His hands slipped past Diego’s jacket, fingers ghosting along Diego’s sides. “I can’t wait to get you filling these out again. C’mere.” He dropped back down next to the pizza box and beckoned.

Diego shed his gear. He didn’t bother with a shirt but pulled on a pair of well-worn, comfy sweats – a larger pair; tonight was calling for eating pants.

He settled on the couch next to Ira, making himself comfortable.

“I see somebody knows what he’s doing,” Ira poked at Diego’s elastic waistband.

With a smile, Diego reached for the next slice.

[kandadze]

Ep 29 loose thoughts

Oof, Li Lun's really on his last legs, eh? I do feel sorry for him, but I feel even worse for Bai Jiu - locked up inside his own body, poisoned, forced to ingest human livers, coughing up blood and dying. Can this kid get a break, please.

It's funny to me how ZYC might have figured out ZYZ's ruse because of his top-tier observation skills... or it might have been because he pays *that* much attention to the demon. I guess we'll never know 😅

It's heartbreaking in a way how well ZYZ knows LL, still, after all, and trusts him not to hurt Ying Lei, trusts LL to honor an emotional debt. Also, interesting how even while pointing a sword to ZYZ's throat, ZYC trusts him not to go to certain lengths for his goals... I keep saying this, but- the bonds in this drama! 😭

Is this really the time to walk away without saying anything, ZYZ? (I know, I know. It's so that they can break our hearts more thoroughly real soon.)

Oh okay. So even Wen Xiao doesn't know what exactly is wrong with her - don't you think that's kind of vital info you should've shared, Bai Yan daren? Ngl, I guffawed when ZYZ said, "I searched Wen Xiao's body etc," not sure if it's the translation that's lacking or what, but I'm pretty sure we all had the same thought about how thorough that search was 😝 On a more serious note though, is poison always the most powerful weapon of destruction in cdramas? Like ZYZ has the power to heal stab wounds and vein cuts that would otherwise be lethal, but he can't do shit about poison?

Thanks for explaining why she wasn't there when the gang came back with the scale, I thought it was so weird for Bai Yan to just leave like that when she was supposedly the one to tell them how it works. (Still not sure why it had to be her and not Ying Long or even the princess Longyu herself, but oh well.)

Yes, that's why ZYZ stole the scale. The never ending variations on the trolley problem in this drama (I think I saw someone mention it re the Bingyi cave and then it happened again in ep 28, and now it's happening again)!

"It's hard." And? That doesn't mean it's impossible, right? Bai Yan, *please* speak plainly and in full sentences, because instead of raising tension you're raising my blood pressure.

Ah, of course she would withhold that info if it meant saving her son. ZYC, going straight for jugular lol (gotta love the man, for him restoring the sword means not only getting Bai Jiu back but also saving his own life, and he still would choose not to go through with it if it meant losing ZYZ or, as he just found out, WX.) As a mother, she might have thought of letting her son know who she was when she still had a chance; she might have thought of a contigency plan in case something happened to her. They might have not been in this particular mess now, had *someone* made sure the kid didn't have to resort to making wild guesses, ultimately leading him to be lied to and exploited.

Wow, yeah, okay. I officially dislike both of Bai Jiu's parents now. Also, Bai Yan's words once again reinforce the difference between humans and demons/gods and how they think about time and bonds. ZYC might be a demon now, so technically his lifespan is way longer than human's, and still he might not live long enough to see the next incarnation of the Baize goddess; and even if he could, at this point his concern is the *current* incarnation, thank you very much, whereas BY's looking at the situation from a much wider perspective. Because of course both worlds will be involved. And I'm still with ZYC on this. (Unrelated, but I love Bai Yan's voice. It's not often we get to hear that low of a voice from a woman, and especially not in cdramas, as far as I can tell.)

Oh, fuck off. The fatalism rubs me the wrong way always, and coming from such a supposedly powerful being it's even more grating. (Not for the first time while watching this drama I get a flashback to reading Clamp's "X-1999," the set-up and tone is eerily similar.)

Well I guess I got my wish. Li Lun, you sad little demon possessing a dying child's body, I feel for you and your longing. The white petals around them (white, for death and mourning), oh my heart. The fact that they kept switching the actors throughout his reflections made it even more painful. And then he goes and (indirectly) quotes ZYC, the bit about the lamp kept on for travellers... while Ying Lei can only listen and cry. Oof. Can't help but notice that he still focuses mostly on his own suffering, though... I guess it's fair, for all intents and purposes he still has a mentality of a hurt teenager.

The whiplash I got when he switched to, "if I die, I have to find someone to die with," ouch 🤣 Once a drama queen, always a drama queen, right, LL? Gotta find yourself the grandest stage for your final exit... am I ready to see that? (I adore his character song, btw, even though when I first heard it, it gave me a completely different image of what his character's going to be. Hmm.)

Again, fuck right off, Bai Yan. I kinda wish they showed us more of WX in that scene, but hey, I'll take ZYC's memories, too (probably the first time with a time stamp!). "You must live well." It's like a refrain at this point that they seem to cling to, the worse the circumstances get. And the care between them, I'll never be over the bonds we're being shown in this drama.

I relate to WX so much. Like I get the idea that some things are worth dying for and no one in the gang would hesitate to put their lives on the line. And still, WX wants to live. Staying alive is just as, if not more, difficult as dying. Staying alive while others leave is difficult. Only when you stay alive can you really change the narrative. (Also, can we please *stop* sitting on that goddamn bridge. Why are you even there when ZYC was clearly shown back at the Mount Kunlun? Come to think of it, I just realized that they seem to have completely forgotten about Ying Lei??? And where did PSJ go?)

"How is wanting to live not the right choice?" Funny, coming from you of all people, ZYZ. Will you make the right choice for yourself, then? Thank you, WX. Make him sit on that for a bit... Ngl, I cheered when she tore up that goddamned contract. I don't care if they get to kiss now or no, but I care that he won't have to experience a mild heart attack every time he focuses on his affection towards her. (Because I've never seen him look at her as you would a colleague, so technically his heart should've been acting up nonstop, unless the emphasis was on conscious intent on his part. I'd have to rewatch that ep to see if they actually mention the exact wording.)

Awww look at her boys going "I'll find a way" at the same time! I just hope I'm not gonna cry when their way turns out to be yet another self-sacrificial mission. Interesting, there's a bottle of wine and two cups sitting by ZYC, even though he seems to have been sitting there by himself for quite a while... is it going to be one of those tiny details that become relevant later? (I love how this drama makes me pay attention!)

Oh dear gods, I really hope this isn't what I think it is. ZYC!!!

GODDAMNIT IT IS, HE WENT TO SEE WZY BY HIMSELF, FUCKKKKKK

At this point in the story my sincere wish is that, if nothing else, we *will* get to see WZY dying a slow and horrible death. If *he* survives, I'm throwing this whole drama in the garbage. (Also, somehow I'm not in the slightest concerned about what ZYC's choice might be. I trust him this much.)

Lol the moment Bai Yan mentioned that the fire of the mortal world is not enough to forge ZYC's sword I totally went, "it has to be taken to the Mount Dooooooom!" 🤣

Huh, okay, I didn't expect the ever-burning wood to be necessary for this. That's how we know that we're close to the final boss battle, folks, the quests are getting more and more complex.

"Take it"??? Wait, is it that easy? Oh no, of course not. How did it *not* burn him up after all this time though, was it just chilling in his body without actually doing anything? Other than accidentally hurting LL with it, I don't think we've ever seen ZYZ use it in any way, either 🤔 Okay, so he needs the creation stone as well, okay-

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

That's the live reaction of yours truly at *that* visual of golden light blasting from ZYC's sword as he grasps it. Holyyyyyy shit, Guo Jingming, Silmarillion adaptation when????

Oh gods, their hands on that stone. Like in ZYZ's vision. I'm scared again. The image of ZYC morphing into LL and then back again!!! If you want ZYC to promise that he'd protect the Wilderness with you, then *you* better promise not to die, ZYZ! Also, could they be any more queer coded at this point? (Aww, WX, I want to give her a hug so badly. Where the hell is PSJ when you need her???)

I take that back, they can and currently are even more queer coded. ZYZ's face when ZYC prepares his drink for him with yet another jade pendant!!! This whole scene, starting with one of my favorite songs from the OST playing in the background, the soft focus, warm lights, close-ups of their faces, the way they gaze at each other... so beautiful. Of course there had to be some theatrics (ZYZ) and fond exasperation (ZYC) involved, too, that's just how they roll, and I'm eating it alllll up.

Did they *have* to go and draw the parallel to last drink and meal though? 😭 also, also, ZYC doing his best to emphasise that their "blood feud" is in the past! In how many ways does he have to tell you that he wants you to live before you get it, ZYZ?

I also remembered their conversation in ep 15, when ZYC asked how ZYZ could live with contradictions, and boy, is ZYC a walking paradox himself. His feelings seem so tangled and complex, but at the same time he's so clear eyed about them, and able to express them, even while saying that they're ineffable. And ZYZ's response! His face! ::head in hands::

The toasts broke me a bit. The way ZYZ hesitated for the longest time before downing his cup for the first toast. The goddamn *poetry* in ZYC's words, the goddamn eye contact throughout, the goddamn tension, HMH's goddamn face!  So good! 😭

!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay you know what? I think I'm getting better at this. There *was* the slight pause before the camera cut to WX and then back to our soulmates (they said it more than once now, I feel justified in using the word for them 😁), I'm gonna wait and see first!

Aw but they're both just so stunning with their hair flying around them lke that. I could watch them forever.

Loved the slow-mo before ZYZ collapsed. Poor WX! That quick shot of her wiping the blood off of ZYZ's chin was so satisfying somehow...

Ahhh I was right, they were in agreement and trying something dangerous together, not against each other! Yay for removing that godawful thing from his inner core, but now what? Are they gonna give it to WZY in exchange for the antidote? Do they actually believe that after all he's done he will play nice??? I love WX, scolding them both like a pair of unruly children 😂

Okay this is getting a little too convenient that they can get eavesdropped on so easily. And not to repeat myself, but where the hell are Ying Lei and PSJ?

I certainly didn't expect to get my wish so quickly lol I guess now we're really down to business when it comes to death countdowns... What did I just say? There is no goddamn antidote! What the fuck did WZY use to create that poison in the first place? The only solution is for someone to use their demonic power to absorb the poison into their own body??? Don't tell me that that's how ZYZ is gonna cure WX. And then ZYC will kill him so that he doesn't suffer. Looking at ZYC, he's about ready to sacrifice himself, though... ::incoherent pterodactyl screeching::

I keep repeating myself, but how is this kid 12. And finally the missing members of the squad reappear! (Just to get the front row, of course.) Oh, oh no. Even though I kinda knew that Ao Yin was going to do this... (I wonder if the poison worked way faster on her because she's a lesser demon?) I can't believe they made me cry over the human livers dealer!

I feel like I said it after every episode so far, but what an episode. I also find it more and more difficult to watch without being tempted to read other folks' commentary first, since I'm so anxious about what's going to happen next; so on one hand, I'd want to be prepared for the worst (so I should spoil myself), on the other though, I want to see what happens with my own eyes first... ah, decisions, decisions.

[bonny-kookoo]

Hi, I love your wiriting SO much! I was wondering if you'd be able to write something for the Sugar Crush AU with a protective Koo? You can throw some angst with fluff ending perhaps?

Love your work! Keep it up 💜💜💜

A/N: this became a lot longer than just a short moment OOF I LOVE THEM SO MUCH-

Your entire life, you've been a coward.

You don't like confrontation, you always tend to be swayed into things you don't actually like doing just because you can't say no, and you never really stand your ground even if you should in many situations. You're easy to take advantage of, you let people trample all over you- and due to that, you rather began distancing yourself from everyone instead of trying to become more brave.

It was the easiest way out, after all.

Outside of the grocery store, there's a bunch of drunk hybrids and humans, currently angrily yelling at each other, profanities flying so hard it feels like it's only a matter of time until they begin to physically fight as well.

Technically, you can just walk past. But you're scared, rather trying to seem occupied while keeping an eye on the people outside the small corner store, no sign of them stopping anytime soon making your anxiety rise.

You don't have anyone you can call to pick you up. You're too ashamed to ask the cashier to escort you out the store either. What the hell are you supposed to do?

"Hey uh- I wanna close. Please finish up alright?" The man asks, and you nod.

Your eyes sting with unsched tears as you take out your phone, just to spot a notification from Jungkook- a message you hadn't noticed he'd sent an hour prior, asking how you were doing.

You call his number with shaky hands.

"Oh hey!" His voice chirps from the other side. "Didn't think you'd call. How're you doing?" He asks, and you flinch when something crashes outside.

"Uhm.. are you- are you doing anything important right now?" You ask, and there's some shuffling heard in the background, before he answers.

"Lazing around on the couch, nothing much. You sound a bit nervous-" he asks. "-You alright?"

"I- there's.. okay this might sound.. stupid but, I'm getting groceries right now-" you explain quietly, "-but outside there's.. people fighting and uhm.. m' scared." You say, and jungkook hums a reply.

"Where' you at pup?" He simply says, on the other end of the line getting up to grab his keys and jacket, slipping into his shoes. "I can come pick you up."

You give him the location of the store, and he assures you he'll be there soon, as you walk to checkout your items. The commotion outside is still loud, and the young man scanning your items sighs. "You going home alone?" He asks, and you shake your head. "Good. I've called police already, you should stay in until someone picks you up." The human advises, and you simply nod again silently, watching as the guy packs up your items.

There's a car parking close by, headlights shining around for a moment before the engine is shut down.

And then, the familiar wolf hybrid walks in, who visibly brightens up at the sigh of you, his tail wagging.

"Hey." He greets, thanking the cashier and taking the bags to carry them for you. "They're really going at it outside there, aren't they?" He comments as you walk towards the automatic doors. "You can hold onto me, by the way. It's not weird, I promise." He reassures softly, and you take that chance right away, holding onto his arm as he shields you from the fighting people now being held back from each other by police.

In his car, he lets you guide him to your place, it's quiet except for the quiet radio playing in the background. "You can always call me for stuff like this, by the way." He opens conversation at a red light, looking over at you. "I promise you're no bother."

"Its just.. stupid." You mumble more or less, not looking at him.

"Hmhm, I guess that's what you've been taught." He shrugs, fingers tapping on the steering wheel to the beat of the song. "But it's not." He says. "But, dropping that- you wanna hang out this weekend?" He asks, and you look at him in wonder almost, for a second stunned that he's not even mentioning you not messaging him much. "Dont do that-" he laughs suddenly, "-I'm driving!" He scolds.

"Wha- I didn't do anything?" You ask, confused, but he shakes his head.

"Anyways, answer my question." He avoids the question, and you nod.

"I.. I mean, you can stay over too? I have a couch you could sleep on, if you want.." you offer, and he shrugs.

"If you want me to stay over I totally can." He nods.

"But not.. for, stuff." You shake your head.

"I know. Wasn't my intention." He reassures. "Won't even hug you if you don't want that."

"...hm." You nod, a little deflated. You would've actually liked that. But that might be unfair to him, considering he's aiming for an actual relationship- and hugging is an intimate act, isn't it? It would be a little selfish to want hugs and skinship but not offer him anything in return. Wait- maybe he shouldn't come over then.

"I uh, actually think I have something up on Saturday." You start, and he chuckles.

"Alright." He parks the car, turning off the engine before he turns towards you, only the orange interior lights illuminating him, hybrid eyes reflecting a little. "Talk to me."

"..I am?" You say, but he shakes his head.

"You're not. You're just reacting to what I say, until something sets you off and makes you try and escape." He says, basically stripping you naked of your usual armor. "I know this will make you uncomfortable, but I don't like stuff like this. Is there really something you have to do on Saturday, or are you trying to make something up so I leave you alone?"

You stay silent, staring at your shoes.

"Got it." He nods, crossing his arms. "So what made you try and run away just now?" He asks again, watching you.

"..I don't know." You meekly answer to yourself mostly, feeling like a scolded child.

"I believe that, to be honest." He chuckles softly.

"I just.. you said you wouldn't hug me, but- what if I want that?" You ask, and he laughs at that, watching you with a look of endearment.

"Oh puppy, alright, fuck-" he laughs. "Okay wait wait wait, let's make a deal here." He calms down. "I'll do anything you want-" He offers, still smiling, "-and in return, you tell me every thought you have from now on. No more 'trying to figure it out yourself', since that's clearly not working well." He offers, leaning closer to you.

"I want a kiss." You blurt out, and without laughing or even commenting, he simply shrugs, leaning over to you to peck your cheek.

"See?" He grins, watching your wildly wagging tail and your red cheeks. "You've got so many great thoughts in your head-" the wolf comments,

"-and I wanna hear all of them."

[nyoomfruits]

54 for omegaverse please and thank

54. "P-please scent me, I don't want to smell like them, I want to smell like you..."

It starts innocent enough, Lando popping his head around the door of Oscar’s driver’s room somewhere between press responsibilities on Thursday. “Hey,” he says, glancing at where Oscar is sprawled over the couch, scrolling through his phone. “Can you scent me?”

Oscar raises an eyebrow. They’ve been teammates for a while now, long enough for Oscar to know Lando’s nose is sensitive. He particular, about who and what he does and doesn’t smell like. Borrows hoodies from friends and family to be wrapped up in their scent, gets antsy when things smell wrong.

So this. This means Oscar… His inner Alpha, the one that’s been screaming mine mine mine ever since he first laid eyes on Lando, rumbles happily. Oscar firmly tells it to shut the fuck up and turns to Lando, reassuring smile on his face, determined not to make this weird. Lando wouldn’t ask him if he wasn’t feeling uncomfortable, so.

“Sure,” he says. “Get over here.”

Lando makes a happy noise and instead of waiting for Oscar to get up so they can do the whole cheek rubbing, neck nosing thing that’s normal between friends, flops down square on top of Oscar and snuggles in.

“Oof,” Oscar wheezes out, when Lando’s elbow ends up somewhere in his abdomen. “Okay.”

“Hm,” Lando says, shoves his nose into Oscar’s neck. Oscar stares up at the ceiling, tries to think of Normal and Sane things that aren’t his teammate currently lounging on his chest, fitting into his arms like a puzzle piece sliding into place.

After about five minutes of Oscar trying to name every single part of the MCL60 in his head and not thinking about shoving his nose into Lando’s soft curls and taking in his chocolate cookie sweet scent, Lando lets out a happy noise and gets up again. “Thanks, mate,” he says, and then disappears before Oscar can utter as much as a ‘No problem’.

--

It happens again, after that. And again. Lando has clearly added Oscar to his roster of ‘People Who Smell Good’, and makes grateful use of the fact that Oscar is just around, like. All the time. It reaches a point where Lando just follows Oscar into his driver’s room between obligations, sprawls all over his couch, steals his hoodies.

Like he belongs.

And that’s. That’s when it starts becoming a problem. Because the more and more Lando inserts himself into Oscar’s space, the more Oscar’s stupid instincts scream at him that he’s his, that he belongs to Oscar, that he is his Omega. Which is stupid, because Lando doesn’t belong to anyone. Least of all Oscar.

The moment Oscar realizes he’s gotten in way over his head is when him and Lando make it onto another podium, and when Max gives Lando a congratulatory handshake, Oscar actually growls at him.

Nobody catches it, over the sound of the celebrations and the general F1 post-race ruckus, but Oscar realizes that if he doesn’t put a stop to this now it’s only going to get worse and that isn’t fair to anyone. Not to Lando, not to any Alpha that comes close to Lando, not to himself.

He doesn’t tell Lando, doesn’t know how to explain without putting his heart on the table and making it gratingly awkward for everyone involved, and so he keeps quiet, pulls away bit by bit, slowly disappearing back into the shadows he existed in before Lando put him in the spotlight.

Lando, for the most part, lets him. Frowns, when Oscar closes the door to his driver’s room before Lando can follow, when Oscar moves away from his touch. But he doesn’t say anything, seems to accept the distance Oscar is trying to create. Doesn’t push.

It hurts, only a little bit. Oscar had fooled himself, at one point, that maybe it meant something, to Lando. But the way he lets Oscar pull away so easily…

Oscar puts his head down, focuses on the car. He’s here to race after all.

--

The whole weekend has been shit. Qualifying was garbage for the both of them, and then there’s a sprint on Saturday that goes completely tits up, too. Lando ends up in the gravel somewhere halfway, and Oscar watches the screens, watches him climb out of the car, sulk back to the garage.

Lando gets subjected to a million interviews that all ask him the same questions, and Oscar can see the exhaustion on his face, from his end of the media pen. Something in him wants to reach out, pull Lando close, shade him from the rest of the world. He pushes that something down, and answers the fifteenth question about how they’re expecting the race tomorrow to go now the car seems so spectacularly shit this weekend.

He doesn’t expect there to be a knock on his hotel room door later that night, revealing Lando in all his jittery, exhausted glory. “Oscar,” he says, mouth tight and eyes downcast. He looks so small, and Oscar’s Alpha whines at the sight. “Oscar please. I know I’ve been asking way too much, making you all uncomfortable but please, please scent me. I don’t, I don’t want to smell like them, I want to smell like you.”

Oscar wants to give in immediately. Pull him close, press his nose into Lando’s scent gland. Take off his clothes, because skin to skin scenting is always better. Wants to cover him until Lando smells like nothing but Oscar, so everyone else can smell who he belongs to. But that’s not. He needs answers first. So he restrains himself, tries to keep his face neutral as he says. “Why me?”

Lando makes a frustrated little noise. “Don’t. Don’t be mean, Oscar. You know. You know why.”

“I really don’t,” Oscar says, genuinely confused.

“But,” Lando says, “You pulled away. Because you realized I was in love with you. That’s why… You needed space.”

Oscar blinks. Tries to process fifteen things all at once and comes up completely blank. “I needed space because I realized I was in love with you,” he says, a little dumbfounded.

Lando frowns. “Why would you need space, then?”

“I, because I didn’t think you wanted me?”

“Well, that’s stupid,” Lando says, frown deepening. “Of course I want you. Why would I scent you all the time if I didn’t want you?”

Oscar wants to bring up the nose thing, how he just thought that’s how Lando kept himself comfortable. Want to bring up how Lando never said anything. But it’s details, really. Details that don’t really matter, not when Lando is standing in front of him, saying he’s in love with Oscar.

So instead, he grabs the front of Lando’s hoodie, pulls him close, presses their lips together in a searing kiss. Lando yelps, but then melts into it immediately, making a happy little purring noise in the back of his throat.

(Later, with his arms wrapped around Lando’s naked, sleeping form, Oscar presses his nose into the place where Lando’s neck meets his shoulder. He smells like LandoOscarLandoOscar, and it’s the most beautiful thing Oscar’s ever smelled. He’s falls asleep only seconds later.)

[reinedeslys-central]

more!! again!! for the nico after blood of olympus fic!! actually I thought of this while writing the last one but I just finished it.

His elbows buckle and he lets himself fall into Will, snorting at his theatrical groan under the weight. They lay there for a second until Will shoves him gently, and Nico lets him manoeuvre them into a more comfortable position.

"Hi," he whispers, moving a curl away from his cheek. The greenish tint of the loft window casts a weird shadow over Will's face.

"Hey yourself," Will murmurs back, winking.

Nico rolls his eyes. "You look like Apollo when you do that. Please stop." Will squawks in protest.

"I do not! Also, since when do you remember what Apollo looks like? Actually, no, don't answer that, you can't bring up my dad while we're in bed, Nico, why would you do this to me?"

Now it's Nico's turn to sputter and whack Will in the chest - getting another dramatic oof and a laugh in return - before turning around to face Hazel's bed. He's not sure when he'll ever be able to sleep facing the wall. Will can't do it either.

As Will's arms curl around his waist and draw him back against him, just like they did back in the infirmary that one day, he thinks maybe he'd be okay trying that with him sometime. One day, in a house with gates, no longer wary of monsters.

Will noses the back of his neck, causing him to twitch. "What is it?"

Will's answering smile presses through the rough cotton of his t-shirt. "Nothing, sunshine."

Nico frowns under the covers. "Hey, what do you think of houses with gates?" He whispers.

"Gates? Well, it'd be safer, I guess, but we'd lose the neighbours coming over -"

"As if you want to see random people at the door anyway. What if they're monsters?"

"Oh, come on, darlin', I'm from Austin. Of course I gotta keep space for the neighbours to come knocking."

"…Fences? Actually, hey, why'd you assume I was talking about us? Obviously - Obviously I was talking about random. Random houses. For architecture reasons."

Will muffles his laugh into the back of his neck, again. "Oh, my bad. And I'm only here because you ripped a stitch on the lava wall yesterday."

Nico feels his ears warm.

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"..Still."

Will reels him in closer until his back hits his chest and he can press a soft peck to Nico's still-red ears. "I think a fence is a great idea, by the way. We could ask Hazel for help with some ward stones too, like you have in the cabin. Gotta make sure we've got at least one window and standing space in every direction, though, or at least in the east, because you know my dad would sulk if he didn't get to scream me awake in the morning."

Nico's blush gets worse.

"Now who's talking about your dad in bed?" He gives up on pretending. Will sees him through every time, anyway. "Also, shrines, obviously, and we need a spot to stargaze."

"Yeah, shrines, obviously. Maybe just yours, mine, and Lady Hestia's though, or else everyone else is gonna get pissy."

Nico barks out a laugh like it's shocked out of him. "Pissy? Don't let them hear you say that."

Will holds him tighter and settles against the pillows. "Sure thing, sunshine. Now can we sleep?"

"Yeah, yeah."

It's not long after that that Will's breath evens out behind him, his muscles untensing. Nico knows he's got a few minutes yet, so he thinks.

Today was…. good.

Today was nice. Normal, even. Just a day of camp schedules, working in the infirmary, an admittedly short campfire, and this. No monsters, and no mistakes. No deaths, but..

Unbidden, the moments in the infirmary come to mind. He thinks of helping Will scrub in for his one surgery of the day, a kid that had gotten parts of an arrow stuck in their leg a week ago and hadn't noticed til yesterday. He thinks of yesterday during capture-the-flag, stepping in and desperately trying to copy what he'd watched Will do, because Lydia was hanging crooked from a tree and there was no one else around but him-

He thinks of Patroclus tying the straps of Achilles' armour, watching his lover sleep peacefully. He thinks of what Connor had told him about at the campfire weeks ago, of Silena Beauregard taking on a drakon when Clarisse declared the Ares Cabin wouldn't be fighting.

He thinks he might understand.

Lydia wasn't the same (thank the gods), but if there was something to be done that only Will could do right, yet couldn't, and the only way Nico could take up his mantle would be to die trying - then, yeah. He'd do whatever it would take for these kids. To do what Will would do. He's gone to Tartarus already, hasn't he? At worst, he'd try his best and greet his father early if he failed to survive. Nico could even give Charon a tip on the way in for the hell of it, why not?

If there is a luxury that comes from being a child of Hades, after all, it is that dying is not the thing that scares him.

There's a brazier still lit outside the window. Its glow falls in slits across their bed.

Will grumbles, pushing his feet forward until their ankles are wound together. The sheets shift.

Nico smiles into the dark, into the chirping of crickets and the soft glow of the fireflies out the window, and falls asleep.

more for this fic:

scene 0 - prologue-ish scene 1 - the library of social awkwardness or here (or in my heart, 'kidney function is not a right, it's a privilege' lol)

general writing directory

also lmk if you want more lore. I am so down to talk about this fic + the worldbuilding ideas I have for it in the notes it is unreal

[lunatyklines]

OVER THE GARDEN WALL (P.1) - a collection of lines from the beloved animated spooky season classic. a rp meme. *adjust pronouns and wording as needed

❝ Wait, wait a second. Uh … [name]? Where are we? ❞

❝ Do you think it's some kind of deranged lunatic with an axe waiting out there in the darkness for innocent victims? ❞

❝ Well, you're slapping yourself, and I'm answering your question, and– ❞

❝ This guy sounds loony. Maybe we should make a break for it, if we can. ❞

❝ We may need to knock him out first. ❞

❝ I dunno. Sometimes I feel like I'm just like…a boat, upon a winding river…twisting, towards an endless black sea… ❞

❝ Did you know, that if you soak a raisin in grape juice, it turns into a grape? ❞

❝ Ugh, you're not helping at all. ❞

❝ Aw, beans! Where is that frog o' mine? ❞

❝ You have beautiful eyes. ❞

❝ Oh, holy moley, hot dog–!! ❞

❝ That was the plan, remember? Knock him out! ❞

❝ Can you turn me into a tiger? It doesn't have to be a magical tiger. ❞

❝ [Name], stop talking to a bush. ❞ 

❝ Oh– do you like waffles? ❞

❝ Pumpkins can't move on their own! Can they? ❞

❝ You find this place as creepy as I do, right? ❞

❝ So, it's some kind of weird cult. They seem nice enough. ❞

❝ Okay. You're in denial. That's fine. ❞

❝ I'm really just looking to leave here. As fast as possible. ❞

❝ You'll never convict! You have no proof! ❞

❝ I simply have to punish you for your transgressions. ❞

❝ I told you this place was bad news! ❞

❝ Maybe they're gonna bury you out there. ❞

❝ Yes! I want your help! ❞

❝ I guess in some ways, I'm trying to get home too. ❞

❝ I don't have to tell you anything. ❞

❝ But we have to do something fun. ❞

❝ We can just keep walking silently, you know? ❞

❝ Hey! What? I'm not a pushover. ❞

❝ The world is a miserable place, [Name]. Life isn't fun. ❞

❝ We need to do our part to make the world a better place! ❞

❝ School?! Not today. ❞

❝ You're late. You know the rules. ❞

❝ Oof. That lady's got some baggage. ❞

❝ So, my theory is hot dogs are not actually dogs, regardless of what they teach you in school. ❞

❝ Oh boy! Mealtime! ❞

❝ This is way better than being chased by a gorilla. ❞

singing ❝ Oh potatoes and molasses, if you want some, oh just ask us~ ❞

❝ I just wanted to have fun, change the world, and make it a better place. But I just made everything worse. ❞

❝ You're a stubborn jerk. When are you gonna give this up? ❞

❝ If only something would go right for a change. ❞

❝ Okay, I think he's asleep. Let's go steal his stuff. ❞

❝ All he ever did was steal my heart away. ❞

❝ I found a duck. Do you know how to make eggs from a duck? I'm hungry. ❞

❝ Finally some good luck. Let's go to this creepy tavern and ask for some directions. ❞

❝ Curse you! Curse you! You'll die someday and I'll laugh! ❞

❝ What kind of person goes out chopping trees in the middle of a thunderstorm at night? ❞

❝ You don't need directions. You follow that compass inside your heart. ❞

❝ Uh … no, I think we need directions. ❞

❝ [Name] was amazing! He sang a song, rode a horse, and saved you from the axe guy! ❞

❝ I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him. ❞

❝ I want to steal. ❞

❝ Yeah! I want to see the ghost! To the painting! ❞

❝ Afraid of a ghost? Ghosts are just floaty things. ❞

❝ It's stuck. Well, guess we just have to spend some quality time together. ❞

❝ Don't change the subject. ❞

❝ How about you tell me about your darkest secrets instead? ❞

❝ My secrets are too secret. ❞

❝ Now who's avoiding the question? ❞

❝ I secretly whisper poetry to myself in my room at night. ❞

❝ It looks like there was a struggle – a violent struggle. ❞

❝ I can't thank you enough for helping me to face my fears. ❞

❝ It's a rock fact! ❞

[conanssummerchild]

im bored as shit so im going to asign a community person/ship to every conan gray song bcs i really just use this site as a stream of my conciousness, if anyone has a better one for any of them feel free to tell me, also fair warning abed is my fav character, i'll try not to make everything abt him and troy but no promises

grow: the whole final episode really but im thinking mostly jeff tbh or also abed leaving for LA, or even maybe troy leaving on his voyage ☹️

idle town: the 'town' being greendale i feel like this applies to jeff also 😭 like its abt all of them but its jeffs pov

generation why: im thinking my girl britta hehe idk how to explain it but the vibes are so there

crush culture: im thinking annie, but also maybe jeff, aro king 👑

greek god: im thinking maybe abed in high school? i would say annie but she seemed to care more about fitting in while abed had accepted he couldnt, also hes like insightful and observant yk

lookalike: oh my god, brittas pov and its about jeff and slater oof

the other side: troy and abed, specifically in geothermal escapism 😭</3 im killing myself why would i do this

the king: okay fuck this is so trobed coded, abeds pov

comfort crowd: the whole study group tbh <33 in more specifics i was thinking jeff + the study group and honestly abed and annie

wish you were sober: i mean this one has to be either jeff and britta or britta and troy, though troy and britta could be taken either as britta wanting to go party and smoke weed or wtv and troy not rlly doing that stuff or britta feeling rejected bcs of troy giving all his attention to abed 😭 (like as in wish u were sober being wish u werent a raging homosexual)

maniac: probably i'd have to say jeffbritta from either pov

(online love): i... dont know tbh. the vibes are giving annie and troy for some reason, maybe once troys already left?

checkmate: the fond eyeroll i had to give, jeff and britta again. maybe annie being pissed at jeff over their kiss but i dont ship them romantically

the cut that always bleeds: idk, maybe jeff and annies weird ass relationship that keeps fucking happening is the closest, from annies pov

fight or flight: idk tbh, maybe trobed and britta if i had to go with smth, this one is mostly EXTREMELY byler coded (from stranger things) and im never fucking letting that go

affluenza: ok i mean ive gotta give this one to jeff dont i

(can we be friends?): troy abed and annie <3 im so soft for them

heather: ok fuck i HAVE to say trobed and britta and its abeds pov and if we're being specific them in virtual systems analysis becuase i'll never get over this episode ("ive run the simulations, i dont get married :/") bcs i fucking love abed being jealous of britta while she was with troy in the cool way but also in the sad if troy cant love me no one will way

little league: this is troy and abed when troy leaves :(((( and this is canon bcs my beloved wife and i are so troy and abed coded and she loves little league sooo

the story: ok so the boy and the girl are hmm annie and abed, the boy and the boy are troy and abed duh doy, him and his friend are maybe idk britta and troy, i dont wanna say jeff or abed bcs their dad/mum abandoned them and that bit's abt wanting to get away from ur parents yk

fake: (😭) maybe jeff (alan's pov 😔😔💔💔) nah but fr i see people joking abt his song but its lowkey fire

overdrive: WHY DO THEY ALL MAKE ME THINK OF JEFF AND BRITTA

telepath: jeff 😔 and 😔 britta 😔

movies: ok i literally cant say anyone other than abed, the king of movies. im not really feeling troy tho, maybe rachel, like maybe when abed kept trying to super speed run their relationship and he was anxious abt not passing the relationship tests

people watching: the MOST annie coded song ever holy fuck she is so people watching coded i love her so much

disaster: abed. or britta. my abandonment/commitment issues babies <33

best friend: TROBED. THE ONLY BEST FRIENDS EVER

astronomy: would it be absolutely too painful if i said troy and abed. honestly i actually think im feeling more jeff and abed but not like at eachother just both of them together in their sadness, from their pov to someone else (britta and troy probably seeing as these r their main romantic interests)

yours: AHH THIS SONG DEAR GOD </3 can i say abed jesus fuck im killing myself this one for abed hurts so much, not really directed at anyone in specific, or more like just directed at everyone, just his abandonment issues :( ("i dont always see it coming" PUT ME DOWN)

jigsaw: oo britta, my queen she just wants to be loved so bad </3 but also a bit abed ("if being less insane would make you stay" oof)

family line: okay. jeff.he actually invented having daddy issues

summer child: ok its abed bcs i kin him idc, im conans summer child™ and i said so /lh

footnote: not quite sure, very annie coded imo. maybe trobed? either pov ig but im feeling troy

memories: hm, trobed after troy leaves? abed trying to get over him but he keeps imagining troys still there with him like as in one of the hallucinations he has bcs i read a fic like this yesterday and it was sooooo good, idk maybe this is a little far fetched

the exit: im not rlly sure actually, either jeffbritta after the whole i love you in front of anyone fiasco or trobed when troys dating britta 🤷‍♂️

never ending song: ok, jeffbritta.

winner: THE MOST SONG EVER. ok this one is abed. it will always be abed. family line i feel like is more about a hostile home enviroment and jeff implies that his was, while winner is more pain of neglect or disconnect so i feel like its more appliable to abed because of how hes shown to not be understood by his parents and feels responsible for his mother leaving and this makes me think of the line "you dont really wanna hear the truth, do you?" because like his mum loving him on paper but not actually loving who he is or be willing to accept hes different and has different needs FUCK abeds mother all my homies hate abeds mother (what im not projecting at all my parents definitely love me and accept that im autistic /s)

killing me: im not quite sure actually. conan did write this song about someone who gave him tonsilitis and abed cannonically had tonsilitis though so 🤯

lonely dancers: hmm i feel like this song is upbeat enough to be trobed being silly tgth but maybe its more jeffbritta coded, or jeff and abed abt britta and troy, or vice versa, not sure

sorry i never mentioned shirley i do love her

feel free to take any of these as platonic or romantic idrk, a lot of them i couldve meant either way anyway

if u even made it this far u can have a gold star ⭐️ there u go

[buzzyb33]

Moral of the story

Prompt: after Y/n and Ethan broke up a year prior and seeing each other again just pisses off the girl and excites Ethan, they didn’t end their relationship on good terms but he’s still got the feels for her.

Warnings: swearing, ansty

I was walking down the streets of London, my coat wrapped around my waist as I treaded to my apartment.

I have my head down as the weather was foul, the biting winter hitting hard.

I keep walking before I slam into something hard and I hear a soft ‘oof’

I go to apologise but as I look up and make eye contact with the man we both freeze.

“Y/n?”

“Ethan..”

-

Last year, I was working on my photography and YouTube channel, I was big on the side of British commentary and met people that helped me grow, I put more budget into my videos and in 2 years I was one of the biggest female alone British channels.

I met bigger YouTubers and came close with the sidemen, especially Ethan.

We went out and drank together.

We fell in love.

We were happy for 2 and a half years, until June 2023 that was.

He was going out more which was fine, I couldn’t keep him on a lead.

He grew more distant but that’s fine, he’s stressed, I’m not his whole life.

He became more antsy, that’s fine, he needed some space.

I gave him space and he got drunk and fucked Mia Malkova as she stayed in the uk after their recording, I didn’t find out till three weeks later.

The worst thing was he didn’t seem to feel bad at all, I found out through friends of friends.

My heart broke and when I confronted him he got on his knees in front of me and begged.

He said how ‘he was drunk’ and ‘she doesn’t mean anything to him’

He spoke about things he didn’t mean the whole time I started packing my shit with tears pouring down my cheeks.

“Ethan! Stop!” I say in between broken sobs as he tries to hug me but I push him off.

I put all my bags in my car and wipe my eyes as Ethan continues to plead behind me.

“Y/n- I swear! Please don’t go- you mean so-“

I cut him off.

“I’ll send cal round tomorrow for the rest of my shit.”

I slam the door to my BMW and go home, I drive in to my road

I call Callum (Callux) and ask him to come round.

“N/n- is it important?” He said and I responded with a simple ‘yes’

He came round and knocked on my door.

I opened Ito and immediately hugged him.

“Woah, n/n-“ he began as I started to cry again.

“What’s happened..” he muttered to me as he held me to his chest.

I tried to stand up but he shushed me and sat on the floor with me between his legs as I calmed myself down.

His back was against the door as he held me gently.

“… was it Ethan?” He asked me gently as if I’d break if he spoke any louder. I nod between sobs.

I hear him exhale deeply.

“Can- I ask you yes and no questions?” He uses the same time with earnt him another nod.

“Have you broken up?” He asked me with a sickening soft tone, especially for his character.

I respond with another nod.

“Okay- did.. he break up with you or-“

I shake my head and he exhaled again.

After cal realised Ethan had cheated on me, he let me sob into his hoodie for a while.

Keeping away from each other was difficult, especially when he wanted to just ‘talk’.

You can’t excuse sticking your dick in another girl while in a relationship though.

I got my pre recorded videos out when appropriate and announced I was having a break.

Ethan had trouble talking to the boys about what had happened.

“Where’s Y/n? Why’s she having a break?.” Simon commented as they were having a break from the set of their sidemen Sunday.

“What? Oh we broke up.” He said averting his gaze to his finger nails as Tobi chokes on whatever flavour of prime he’s drinking.

“What?! Why? You two are like-“ Tobi sputtered.

“I don’t know lads- I don’t wanna talk about it..”

He started and Harry looked at him.

“What did you do?” Ethan’s face turns a tint of red.

“Not-“

“Mate, what did you do, I’ll just ask cal, they’re like- weird friends. They tell each other everything.” He eyes him, having his own guesses.

Harry starts and Ethan’s mind goes to the way Cal looked at him when he came to collect the rest of Y/na stuff.

He’d never seen him so.. angry.

“I- was drunk boys! I just-“

“You cheated on her? Ethan man..” Josh tuts, clearly disappointed.

“Well-“ he sighs. “Yeah, lads, I did.” Doesn’t even have it in to defend himself. Why should he?

“Mate, you’ve well and truly, fumbled the bag.”Having his friends almost ashamed of him wasn’t good.

They were in the same friendship circle, made videos with the same people, Ethan’s best mates were her best mates, this would cause problems and they knew it.

No sets together. No among us together. No joint colabs. Just. Y/n and Ethan.

On some nights, Y/n went too see Freya and they spoke, one time they got too drunk, Josh heading giggles from the other room before the tone switched up.

“Freya- I- miss him.. maybe it was an accident.. cal told me to-“ I exhale. “Cal told me to not let him get to me- I saw it coming..” I say as I rub my eyes.

“Maybe- he never loved me- you know, he was my first real boyfriend since I was like 17.” I say as tears rim my eyes.

“N/n.. just- let time take its course- maybe, you’ll be okay without him.” She said to me, I could hear how unsure she was.

I nod and sip my wine.

It would never hurt less.

-

“You- look good.” He smiles uncertain, opening his mouth to talk again. “Do- you want to talk?”

“Uhm. No, move the fuck out of my way, Ethan.” I spit, urging him to move from the sidewalk.

“Y/n, please, just a talk.” He pleaded, his blue eyes showing desperation, utter desperation.

“There’s nothing to say!” I say in a defeated tone and meet his eyes.

“I loved you- I don’t understand why- alcohol isn’t an excuse either! I don’t want to talk to you!” I whisper- shout as people swerve around us.

Since before this, we haven’t spoken to each other, at all. In a year and a half. Cal got all my stuff and I could avoid him.

This was a lot right now.

“Y/n- you don’t understand how sorry I am- I hate myself everyday for it! Please- just- a coffee?”

He pleaded, his hands clasped together.

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

I shove past him and keep walking.

He stands there, lost.

He wants her back.

He well and truly fumbled the back a year ago, but who was to say he couldn’t get it back?

He turned around and saw his ex girlfriend storm away from him.

He’d take his chances now, he pulled his phone out and called Callux.

“Yes mate?” He picked up after two rings.

“Can you set me up with Y/n? I know- but- I’m just trying to at least make things right.”

No, he wanted her in his bed arms. Both.

He stayed quiet for a while.

“Mate- she.. I don’t think she would want me bringing you up at all- and I’m like her gay best friend- who isn’t gay- so- setting her up is just..”

He trailed off as Ethan thought of something else.

“Just- ask her how she feels about me.”

He says into the phone as his legs take him further down the street.

“Oh I know what she thinks of you- she fucking hates you, she said you broke her heart, you ruined how she looks at men- how she thinks a stupid ginger prick- her words- have her trust issues and how she doesn’t want to miss you.”

He says matter of factly.

“So she misses me?”

Cal sighs: “listen mate- there’s nothing I can do- you can ask freezy to arrange a video or something- that’s your best bet- also- you should like listen to what else I said. Not just the missing bit.”

Ethan sighed down the phone before letting out a small 'yeah, okay' and hung up.

This girl. She trusted him and now what? Would he be that pathetic and got on his knees for her? Yes. Yes he would.

-

“No, fuck off.” I say the second the words leave his mouth.

“N/n it’s a charity video. Are you that much of a bad person to not contribute?” Cal says as his hands grip my shoulders.

His stubbles growing in. That meant another talking stage.

“Yeah. With the sidemen, Cal- Ethan-“ I start. “And don’t guilt trip me.” I huff.

“Yeah. The sidemen. Not your ex boyfriend it’s the sidemen. The YouTube group. No strings attached with so many over people. It’s a massive set. Challenges. A twelve hour stream.” He pleads.

“I’ll be there! Just- I’m begging you!” He shakes me lightly.

I couldn’t say no.

“Okay..”

A week and a half later I was preparing my camera around my neck as i mildly listened listen in on freezy and will talking about F1.

I sigh as I enter the set.

“Ten minutes!”

I sit next to Freya and Cal and lean my head back.

-

His eyes snap up. She came. Looking beautiful.

-

Time passed; the stream went on. I leave set to fill up my water and Ethan is behind me.

“Bella..” he says and I close my eyes.

“Ethan.” I say.

“I- want to say sorry. I didn’t even explain myself at the time properly. I just.. tried to get myself out of trouble.” He says, looking down at me.

“Thank you.” I say reluctantly.

He picks his words carefully from the way his mouth opens and closes a few times.

“I.. miss you.” He says.

“I miss what we were, too.” I say simply and he gulps.

“Can.. we stop avoiding each other? Just.. be.. mutual.” He smiles weakly.

“Okay..”

Maybe I was healing. Well: that was until he called me while drunk.

“Hey pretty..” he slurs.

“You fucked someone else? Drunk, came to say sorry?” I say a little bitterly as I leave my phone on my desk, loudspeaker my fingers editing my video.

“… harsh.. miss you.. just..” he hiccups. “I don’t want your body.. well.. that would be nice.. but, more than anything, n/n.. I want.. I wantchu.. a hug..”

I blink.

“And, just.. i hope.. you can forgive me.. and hug me.. in my heart it’s enough. More than.. enough but in my soul.. fuck, pretty.. I wanna marry you.” He slurs with a small laugh at the end.

“Love you, y/n.” He mumbles after a few minutes of silence.

“I love you too.. I miss you..” I whisper. All the walls I’ve built up cracking. But I hold out.

“Come over when your sober.” He hums and I hang up.

Two days later I get a knock, I open my door and see Ethan, his hands cupped around some water lilies.

“Uh..”

He says.

I take the flowers.

He smiles.

“I.. miss you.. so much.. please.. just..”

I nod and his arms immediately go around me.

“I’m sorry baby..” I say softly. “I just.. can’t.. trust you again..” he gulps and pulls away.

I stick my pinky out.

“Friends?” I ask and his pinky extends too, though shaky.

“Friends.”

Masterlist!

[genderlesssinner]

Oh god Sam okay

Oh okay that dart was really good Matt

Ninjas in the studio help

🤣😭 "I DON'T EVEN WORK HERE"

Oh shit narrative telephone monthly, nice

TLOVM is so good you guys

Okay okay okay guuyysss

Oh my god the Sprinkle voice 2 seconds in I can't

Oh no pâte and Jester

Poor Sprinkle

This is going to be a hot mess and I can't wait

ROBBIE "I feel like I have thousands of hours to catch up on" sir

Why did you say space pirates Travis

Oh no Chet and Veth AND Braius

Catwoman suit

Samuel explain pls

I need art of this asap please

Open relationship SOMETIMES

"He rode a dinosaur."

My fave already hurts from laughing oh my god

LUC HAS A GIRLFRIEND

Oh Caddy

Level headed? Yeah no

Oh I have missed these absolute fools

Orym is so tiny next to Cad

LIAM IS WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAYS WIZARD KISSER?? S I R

Introducimg everyone is gonna take a hot minute. I don't think Yasha has ever said her last name??? It's been so long

Oh I hadn't thought about the romances at the table

OR BRAIUS AND JESTER OH FUCK

Imogen x Launda (Laura & Marisha)

Jester x Fjord (Laura & Travis)

Yasha x Beau (Ashley & Marisha)

And then there's also Ashton and Fearne and whatever is happening there

This already such absolute chaos

Oh no

I can't wait for the gifs of Matt absolutely loosing his mind over them

Braius you've never heard of him cause he's not a real god boo he's- oh oh wait Ashton is gonna be so into this isn't he

OH NO guys let's not fight please

Poor Caleb trying to keep everyone on track

Oh I've missed Yasha so much "You might want to have a meal before you die."

Oooh wizard shit yeeee my booyyyssss!!! Of course Essek told Caleb about the weird ass dunamancy barbarian

FEARNE'S SARCASTIC ASS "GOOD LUCK"

I'm gonna die tonight

I don't think we've ever gotten this long into an episode with so little input from Matt and I love it

I've missed the lesbians so much,, all of the Nein

I'm sorry hold on

I missed most of whatever Veth shit, fucken internet lag

The fucking keyfish reference Liam, nosebleeds all around

Oh nooo Sprinklllee

Oh dear, all of them in the tower. Interesting

I love Jester and Braius talking shit out and bonding over art 😍

Samuel oh my god. I knew it would be underwear

Jester going with the hard sell I see oh boy

Oh my fucking god Jes with a Nat 20 deception 😂☠️

SAINT JESTER THE PIRATE

Liam forgetting to change character is hilarious

Okay but to be fair I think Molly would be down for them using his head as a pauldron or something

Guys my face hurts from laughing

Liam. Orym better fucking make it home. Yall. I cannot.

welp yeah Veth should know not to just say things to Yasha by now

Robbie as a Braius stand in 😂 love them

Watching them forget to swap voices or just forget what they're doing is so wild

😂😂 Yes Orym what do your halfling ears hear??

Uh oh d20 roll

I was kidding Matt no

Okayokay just wind

And Liam talking to himself 😂

The gifs from this ep are gonna be so good

I forgot about Sashimi's daggers

As someone who has played two characters at the same time, I have a little sympathy but like it was me and one other person and we both had 2 characters so like - this is insane

The descriptors for everyone oh my god

I love Taliesin so much

Ashton and Beau is hilarious and I need more of them

Oof that's a tiny basement

New tower vibes? NEW TOWER VIBES?

Love everyone being slightly sus of the tower

Fearrrnniiieee I love her

HELIUM WIZARD

The immediate spider climb exploring, perfect

Aaannndd she's in the walls. First it was Jester and now it's Laudna

Break tiiiimme

Holy shit. The chaos. I truly was not ready. Hoo.

[bengiyo]

23.5 Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

Last time, we introduced some building angst about Ongsa meeting Sun’s parents, and also Sun going away for a year to study in America. At least we got some indications that these two are advancing sexually. Meanwhile, Luna is showing off Aylin to everyone, which led to Aylin shoving a whole plate of food into Ton’s face for being too much.

Oh, we’re picking up from the towel drop. Okay.

We should give Ciize’s knives in these shows more often. In fact, I want to see Ciize play an assassin now.

Episode 10: The Universe’s Secrets. Prepare yourselves for AriDante references.

Sun’s family is a lot like Dante’s. They knew who he was the whole time and supported him.

I see this is going to be a difficult episode where Sun dances around the problem.

I do not remember why Mawin and Ton are together on an adventure, but I’m ready to get back on how Euro can still win.

I’m not sure what to do with the runner throughout the season about how little people know about each other.

I am struggling here because I don’t exactly know what’s up with Aylin. Is she struggling because Luna is pushing her to be more sociable with people? It doesn’t feel like she’s keeping a secret the same way Sun is. Also, Aylin has been the most forthright and straightforward person in the series, so her suddenly clamming up isn’t tracking.

I don’t think I was expecting Sun to ask Ongsa to come along with her, but this also feels like Dante going away for school.

I feel like they are trolling me with the teacher yuri.

Steamed crabmeat curry sounds really good.

Sun, I feel like skipping on this trip for Ongsa is something you may resent her for in the future.

I’m not sure I track how the interaction with Ton and Luna last episode flared up Aylin’s bullying issues. The moment is kinda nice, but I don’t know that we got here smoothly.

Should we really have let Teacher Bambam run away from the confession since she’s known to be hapless?

Big oof at the end of this episode on Ongsa wanting to not tell her parents about Sun.

This episode was so long. I felt like I was fighting my way through it. The preview for next week is so weird. I don’t think I get this show.