#only way i could write this was by not using nicoles name oop but if its confusing tell me and ill edit

[cosimuhs]

without her the world around me changes (and so do i)

It’s only after she gets home from the hospital does she realize that Waverly’s not there to dote, to cover her in too many blankets, and help her shower around the bulky cast on her leg.

or

five times nicole feels alone and one time she doesn't

read on ao3 or below the cut!

1.

It’s hard to remember how they escape from the lab. She can feel the boom of their explosives and the searing pain that raced through her when she put weight on her leg, but she doesn’t know how they got out, to the truck, to the road. Wynonna made it through the portal and that’s all that matters.

Rachel wanted to drive, worried about the bones in her left leg, but she’s not about to trust a seventeen year old to deliver the car safely back to the Homestead. It’s not the best truck in the world but it’s the Earps’ and she promised Wynonna she would be waiting for her, truck and all, damn it, and she’s going to be in so much trouble if they come back to a fender bender.

Besides, her right foot on the gas pedal is perfectly fine thank you very much.

Ten minutes have passed since their mindless chatter has dropped off and the silence in the car sits heavy and loud in her ears, the road empty but for a few tumbleweeds. Rachel thankfully doesn’t comment when she flips the radio on and the soft twang of a country singer crooning about his high school sweetheart takes the pressure off her shoulders, fingers tapping against the steering wheel.

It’s quiet for another few minutes and she wonders if Rachel hates her. They lied and tied her up and held a gun to her head so she wouldn’t blame her even though it was mostly Wynonna.

When Rachel does speak, it’s surprising.

“Are you really polygamists?” Rachel hesitates from the passenger seat.

It’s so bizarre and out of nowhere that it makes her laugh around the ache in her shin and for that, she’s grateful.

“Wynonna’s my best friend,” she offers and she hasn’t had a best friend in years. Her chest blooms with the realization that maybe Wynonna hasn’t either judging from the way she reacted.

“Best friends can be polyamorous,” Rachel raises an eyebrow.

She snorts. Gross.

“No, she’s more like my sister-in-law. Ish.”

“Ish? I don’t think someone can be your sister-in-lawish .” Rachel crosses her arms and it reminds her so much of Waverly, bossy and astute and so no-nonsense, that she almost slams on the brakes at the idea of a young Waverly sitting in her car and kissing her after football games.

“I’m in love with her sister, Waverly.” It’s sweet on her tongue and she doesn’t even realize she’s smiling around the curve of her girlfriend’s name until Rachel prods her out of it, unimpressed and clearly looking for more. “I’m going to marry her soon but it hasn’t happened yet, hence the ish.”

“Ah,” Rachel grimaces like a teenager but she sounds relieved that she isn’t stepping into a weird love triangle a la Twilight. “So not a throuple then.”

She chuckles again and watches the landscape pass by in waves of nothingness. “No, definitely not.”

---

It’s only after she gets home from the hospital does she realize that Waverly’s not there to dote, to cover her in too many blankets, and help her shower around the bulky cast on her leg. She makes it as far as the landing on the stairs before she gives up and collapses on the couch. She’ll be here soon, she thinks and smiles at the lecture she knows Waverly will give her for sleeping here and messing up her back.

She smells like gunpowder and sweat and the sweet, cloying scent of death that she wishes were more foreign than it is, but she doesn’t have it in her to get up, already drowsy with pain medication. The pillow she’s cuddling smells like home and she drifts off to Rachel’s clattering in the kitchen.

Her friends still aren’t back when the sound of crying wakes her up and she realizes that she has a grieving teenager who has lost everything she’s ever known in the next room over.

Rachel lets herself be held in Wynonna’s bedroom and then, after a strong cup of tea, tells her about her mom in stuttering heavy words. A doctor, she says, who taught me to take on the world.

She dries her tears and asks questions and it never occurs to her to tell Rachel about her own family who filled her quiet life with love, because they’re not really gone, just away for a little.

Besides, they’ll be back tomorrow or the next day and Rachel can just meet them herself.

---

Two weeks later, Rachel asks what she’s doing and she looks down to see the pen in her hand, aimlessly drawing dicks into the plaster of her cast and her heart clenches hard enough to lose her breath.

2.

She spends her free time after the election reorganizing Waverly’s closet.

Faux fur. Flirty florals. Feminine flannels.  

The town is falling apart around them and she won’t let the Homestead go the same way.

Faux fur. Flirty florals. Feminine flannels.  

There are rumors that supply trucks are being cut off and Jeremy hasn’t answered her calls in weeks and she blows out a candle on Waverly’s birthday sitting alone in the kitchen.

Faux fur. Flirty florals. Feminine flannels.  

Rachel doesn’t disturb her cleaning and disappears for hours on end, sometimes coming back with an odd mug to offer and a full backpack that clinks. She never asks what’s in it but accepts the bills pressed into her palm, the carton of eggs in the fridge. As much as she hates accepting charity from a seventeen year old, she doesn’t have a job.

Most nights, she collapses exhausted into bed, clutching Waverly's sweatshirt to her chest. She doesn’t rest, per se, as evidenced by the deep circles under her eyes, and she spends most nights drifting in and out of her old nightmares only to wake up to her new one.

It’s no surprise that she can’t sleep tonight after months of restlessness. Their room has long since stopped carrying Waverly’s scent and the end of autumn has turned into an Indian summer, abnormally hot and dry for Purgatory. Maybe her insomnia is due to the heat or the fact that Peacemaker is nowhere to be found or any of the other twenty reasons she tosses and turns through every night.

It’s pitch dark out by the time she gives up trying, so late that it’s actually early, and she’s reminded of another world, ages ago, when she had come home from a graveyard shift at the station to find Waverly waiting patiently in nothing but lingerie. Really, really hot lingerie that she didn’t take off, just pulled to the side and let Waverly ride her fingers.

The sudden heat that streaks through her at the image is white hot and burning, curling low in her stomach.

Waverly had cried out, breathy and moaning as she built her up two, and then three times.  

She shudders, her mouth suddenly dry.

It should feel wrong, when Waverly isn’t here to help her over the edge but she’s so damn tired of not sleeping that she lets her hand drift under the waistband of her sleep shorts. It’s been too long since she’s last been touched and the heat, molten hot between her legs, aches.

She groans into the sheets at the added memory of Waverly crawling down her body after, flushed and heaving, to settle in between her thighs. She’s soaked at the thought of it, reaching down to slide through her own folds. It leaves her heady and she can’t help but start a slow grind against the pad of one fingertip.

When did she even take off her clothes? It wasn’t high on her list of priorities to find out, though, not with the way Waverly was teasing her, laving kisses on the inside of her thighs for what felt like hours until she had to fist hands in hair and pull.  

Waverly laughed, a vibrating hum against her clit, and gave in, pressing two fingers in at the same time that she started to taste in broad strokes.  

She tries to replicate it as much as she can, adding one and then another finger, stretching and filling in a toe curling pleasure, and reaching up to thumb at her clit clumsily. It’s easier to pretend it’s not her own fingers if she closes her eyes, as if it were Waverly causing her walls to clench. It’s enough to make her hips buck, bed creaking softly underneath her and the pressure builds hard and fast in her center.

“I need you,” she gasped and Waverly had smoothed her free hand over the expanse of bare, soft skin.  

“I know, baby,” Waverly pulled away to speak, ignoring her grunt of displeasure, and rose up to draw her into a deep kiss that took some of the edge off despite the fact that Waverly was still buried inside her.  

“Let me take care of you,” Waverly had whispered against her lips before descending again, nipping at the column of her neck and the curve of her breast on the way down. This time, Waverly doesn’t hesitate, sucking hard on her clit, and it makes her back bow off the mattress.  

Her mouth falls open as she pumps her own hand and shakes and thinks about the way Waverly had looked up, eyes lidded and dark, and watched her fall apart.

She swears she can feel Waverly pressed close in the hovering plateau before coming undone. For one blissful moment, Waverly is in her ear, coaxing her higher with a “come for me," and it’s what sends her hurtling over the edge.

When she comes, it’s with Waverly’s name on her lips and an empty room to greet her and she suddenly feels so wholly alone in the aftermath that she thinks she might throw up.

She rolls over, wipes away the evidence of her arousal on the sheets, and presses her nose into the pillow on the other side of the bed, aching for some part of her girlfriend. Nothing has her fragrance anymore and she wonders, her body still wracked with tremors, when she forgot what Waverly smelled like.

3.

There’s a bar on the edge of Purgatory that she’s only been acquainted with on noise complaint calls or to break up fights. It’s a ramshackle building, dilapidated and crumbling while the town drunks loiter on the steps.

The traps have been quiet all week and Rachel has proved competent with a shotgun, so she doesn’t feel too worried about taking one night away from the Homestead. And as much as she would have loved to stay in her sweatpants, she can’t drink away her problems in front of a seventeen year old who depends on her to be strong and in charge.

She can’t go to Shorty’s, not when the bar is warm with memories and the way Waverly’s eyes crinkle when she laughs. Besides, the saloon’s not even an option with the new clientele of government “officials” that have taken it over.

So she ends up here, way out at the bar with the sleazy name and even sleazier patrons, hands sticky from where they press against the bartop. The bartender takes one look at her and seems to realize she needs to get well and truly drunk, already sliding a double whiskey across the counter.

She nods her thanks and tips back half of it in one go, wincing at the burn in her throat and suddenly her eyes because it smells like Doc, all smoke and drink. He smelled comforting, she remembers, like when she used to sit on her grandfather’s lap and beg for a story and he would sigh and light a cigar and pull her close.

“Tough night?” The bartender smirks at her already empty glass and refills it.

“Tough year,” she answers and the girl must think she’s joking because she laughs loud and bright and her eyes don’t crinkle.

“Why don’t you tell me about it?” the bartender blushes and hastens to explain, “You’re the first non-regular in weeks and Johnny’s sea shanties get boring after the third round,” she gestures to the red faced man with a scraggly beard at the end of the bar.

She didn’t come here for conversation — the opposite in fact — and how do you explain to someone that your half-angel girlfriend, your demon hunter best friend and her baby daddy who also happens to be a vampire are in the literal Garden of Eden and maybe not coming back?  

So she shrugs and drinks her whiskey and orders a beer as a chaser. “I wouldn’t even know where to start,” she says truthfully.

She thinks there might be disappointment written on the woman’s face for a second before she nods and starts to turn away.

“Well, if you need anything, My name is Holly,” she busies herself wiping down glasses, breaking the conversation and granting an air of privacy.

Johnny’s warbling drifts down the stools and she clutches the neck of her bottle so hard she almost hears it crack in tune with his voice. His singing really is pathetic; there isn’t even an ocean within a hundred miles of here. She can already feel the tinge of the alcohol in her periphery and maybe she’s the pathetic one, drinking on a Tuesday in the middle of nowhere.

“I’m tired of being alone.” It slips out. It’s the first time she’s said it and honestly maybe even admitted it to herself and the girl — Holly — looks up.

She picks at the label of her beer, already regretting her loose tongue and smiles demurely, grateful when Holly seems to realize that’s all she’s going to offer. Holly leans closer, unbothered by the grimy bar and grins conspiratorially, “I’ve heard Johnny’s single, if you’re looking.”

She grimaces at that and it’s light and easy when Holly starts pointing out regulars along the dingy walls, rattling off drink orders and backstories.

She almost forgot what it’s like to talk to someone who isn’t a teenager for once, and she lets herself be lulled into the surface level conversation. She doesn’t dare mention Waverly or the rest of them. It’s too painful and she feels strangely protective of the idea of them. As if holding her girlfriend’s memory close to her chest will stop it from hurting so much. So she tells Holly about Calamity Jane and her hatred of men and how she’s a cat after her own heart.

She’s four drinks deeper and snickering at some joke when Holly taps the counter nervously. “I get off in an hour if you…?” Holly reaches out to trace over her wrist with a fingertip.

It doesn’t register for a moment around the haze in her head, and when it does she’s shoving back from the bar so quickly that she has to grapple for a hold on the cheap vinyl of her stool before it tips over.

“No! I — No,” she watches in abject horror as Holly flushes a bright red. “I didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea,” she slurs and her head is spinning.

Holly’s not bad looking, objectively speaking, and she thinks maybe she would have entertained it were she single, or moving on. But she isn’t and she’s not and maybe she should be by now but she won’t ever stop looking.

“I’m sorry,” Holly stammers, confused because this reaction seems much more than a simple rejection. “I thought we had a — never mind.”

It’s embarrassing the speed at which she pays her bill and flees, tripping over the front steps on her way out. Her heart doesn’t stop racing all the way back to the Homestead — nothing happened but she feels dirty and raw all the same. She doesn’t want anyone to even think she’s interested, let alone anyone but Waverly to touch her like that.

Honestly, though, she doesn’t know if that will ever happen again.

When she gets home, she collapses on the mattress in the barn because she doesn’t have it in her to climb the mountain of stairs, but mostly because Rachel shouldn’t see her like this. She has to be the rock and Rachel can’t see her stumbling, her world on a tilt. So she passes out by herself for the umpteenth time.

She is so fucking fed up with this cold new normal.

The next morning, in the sun streaked panels of wood, there’s a glass of water and a few Advil nestled in the hay and she smiles around her pounding headache.  

4.

She goes to Margot Clanton. There are whisperings that you can get anything at Magpie Ranch for a price. She tries to ignore them (because she hasn’t given up, not yet) until the whisperings are more like a scream and she succumbs. It’s a sweeping scrapyard over acres of land that she has never seen before and that is enough to scare her. Sheriff Nicole Haught is (was?) intimately familiar with every inch of Purgatory, or so she thought.

She pushes forward because it’s not like she has another choice but she makes sure her gun is solid and secure at her hip.

She’s guided into a small building on the outskirts of the property by a greying woman and her grin is terrifying with a hint of sinister in it. She ignores it. It’s the Ghost River Triangle and everything has a hint of sinister in it anyways.

The situation is laid out in increasingly trembling breaths and Margot grows more gleeful as she goes on.

“I can’t wait any more. It’s been over a year,” her voice shakes. “Can you help?”

“I would very much like to, but the price is steep,” Margot taunts and her throat closes because this is her last hope.

Her eyes well up hard and fast and she’s given up trying to seem strong just like she’s given up on everything else. The self loathing presses hard against her sternum, forcing her to her knees. “I will do anything, anything to get her back.”

Most of all she just aches for Waverly.

“Even this?” And then Margot is leaning close and whispering a terrible, horrifying deal into her ear and she is so abandoned in this world that she agrees.

She can’t go on like this, she justifies to herself and for now, it’s enough.

The glass jar is tucked away in the closet, far from Rachel’s curious eyes. She is determined to keep it that way, for Rachel to never know what she decided to do.

Margot’s laugh haunts her for weeks after, ringing in her ears.

5.

Being around Waverly is the easiest and suddenly the hardest thing in the world.

They have a routine, her and Rachel, and she has not accounted for Wynonna’s slamming of doors and the clink of Doc’s gun when he cleans it. She’s jumpy and scared and she doesn’t know how to calm the anxiety within her. Waverly dutifully holds her hand while she triple-checks that all the doors are locked, but she knows that Waverly doesn’t, can’t, understand.

It’s so, so easy to slip back into Waverly, to always have a hand wrapped around her waist or shoulder. To let Waverly push her on her back and touch her until she’s writhing, begging for release. It’s a bonus that she doesn’t have to talk beyond gasping incoherently into the jut of Waverly’s collarbone.

Physical intimacy is never the problem.

Because even when Waverly is a solid warmth beside her, it’s still hard to sleep. She lies awake at night and wonders how someone tucked so close can feel so far away. When she does manage to close her eyes, it’s to images of Waverly and Wynonna walking out, disgusted at what she’s done to try to save them all, like she hasn’t already broken her own heart ten times over.  

She was never able to lie to Waverly before the Garden and she’s not technically lying now but she feels sick to her stomach every time she omits the truth, tiptoes around the proposal. Her friends got out on their own and she made a terrifying deal for nothing and so what, pray tell, was the fucking point of failing over and over for the last year and a half?

She doesn’t even know how to say I love you anymore.

A part of her is afraid that maybe Waverly won’t say it back.

She’s different and if Waverly notices she doesn’t comment, just holds her tighter at night.

---

When she attacks Wynonna in the barn and realizes she set the fire, she knows what she has to do.

Jeremy agrees with a harsh nod and honestly, the fact that he would willingly kill her, instantly makes up for his ghosting.

It’s time for her to fix things once and for all.

+1.

After, she’s pulled back to the Homestead, waterlogged and shivering and alive. Waverly is livid, she can tell from the flare of her nostrils, but it’s shoved to the side in favor of bundling her up in an oversized hoodie and warm fuzzy socks and God does she love this woman.

She can barely talk her teeth are chattering so hard, but she knows by now they all know what she’s done, all know about the betrayal that sits heavy in her lungs. She wonders if they’ll ever forgive her or if they’ll just dump her at the gates of Magpie Ranch since she’s so friendly with the enemy.

She’s coaxed into bed and she doesn’t remember falling asleep but wakes to fingers carding through her hair in broad strokes. Her head is pillowed on Waverly’s stomach, feet dangling off the end of the broken footboard, and her head rises and falls with every breath.

It’s when she wraps her arms tighter around snug hips that Waverly realizes she’s awake.

“I am so mad at you, Nicole Haught,” she says but there’s a waver in her voice and her fingers tighten against the nape of her neck.

She doesn’t respond, just buries her face into the flat of Waverly’s tummy because maybe it’s her last chance to feel its warmth, cuddle into the curve of her body like her safe haven.

So she breathes and breathes and breathes.

“Sweetie?” Waverly sounds concerned and it propels the words out of her mouth.

“Do you still love me?”

There’s an intake of breath above her and the next thing she knows, Waverly has shuffled halfway down the bed to be eye to eye, slotting their hips together tight. Waverly looks bewildered and she is so, so scared because Waverly isn’t saying anything.

“Please.” She adds and she doesn’t know what she’s asking for, only recognizes the way her words are tinged with vulnerability and she has to screw her eyes shut before she does something desperate like cry.

Please love me through this.

It’s the most exposed she thinks she’s ever been but Waverly’s always been good at reading between the lines of what she says. She can tell when it registers by the way Waverly says her name like a prayer.

Waverly hooks an ankle around hers, legs tangling together over the splintering wood, and strokes at the soft of her cheeks so carefully that she can’t help but turn into the touch, snuffle against her palm.

“Baby, look at me,” Waverly murmurs and when she does, Waverly is looking at her, quiet and calm. She tilts her chin with her thumb and pointer, forcing her to hold eye contact, before she continues softly, “I love you and I’m in love with you and that isn’t going to change.”

The air leaves her lungs in an inelegant breath that tickles Waverly on the way out and she revels in the way her girlfriend squirms, nose scrunching adorably.

But there’s more she has to discern because she has done terrible things for the people she loves and was fully prepared to lose them because of it. Her hands still shake and her chest is still tight and she needs to know, needs to ask, even if it will break her heart in the end.

“Do you want to marry me?”

“Of course I do.” Waverly fixes her with a hard stare, “But if you ever, ever do something like that again I will bring you back just to kill you myself, okay?”

She nods fervently because she knows it’s true and the fist wrapped around her heart loosens for the first time in almost two years.

So this is what it feels like to be free.

She kisses her then, soft and aching and something breaks open inside her when Waverly gasps and presses closer. Her world narrows to the gentle press of Waverly’s lips and the swipe of her tongue. There’s salvation in the way Waverly trails over her jaw, her hands warm along her spine.

This love feels holy.

The door slams open and she jumps, regretfully breaking the kiss. She can’t bring herself to pull away from Waverly’s hold.

Wynonna barrels into the room, not caring about interrupting as usual, but her face is hard and anxious.

“You died?”

The tone of Wynonna’s voice isn’t funny but she can’t help the way she bursts out laughing because yeah, she kind of did.

Waverly pulls her into the crook of her neck and giggles with her crinkly eyes and Wynonna just stares incredulously.

There is so much more to do but for now, in this tenderness of concern, she feels lighter than air.

[jordaneberle]

AWIHL/Melbourne Ice Women Primer

*this is mostly going to about the Melbourne Ice Women bc they’re my team oops. If you have any questions/want any info on where to find teams or good league info please hmu! I love this league I will talk about it for hours.

If you aren’t watching women’s hockey, do it, it’s literally so good. I’m a recent convert and it was the best hockey decision I’ve ever made. 

Also Australian leagues are really good for learning hockey rules and getting better at looking at the game with a little more depth!

The Australian Women’s Ice Hockey League (AWIHL) is Australia’s top women’s hockey league. Its season runs from October to February and there are five teams. Each team plays 12 regular season games and four teams qualify for finals. The finals consist of two semi final games and then a bronze medal and a gold medal match where they play for the Joan McKowen trophy. They play IIHF rules and play full 60 minute games (unlike the men RIP AIHL)

Imports! Teams are allowed to have a total of three imports and are not allowed to have an import goalie (unlike the men’s league. Imagine being dedicated to goalie development in Australia, couldn’t be the AIHL). Imports are players from overseas (usually Canada) who come and play for Australian teams. There are Canadians in the league who aren’t imports because they have Australian citizenship.

Streaming: All games are streamed on Youtube! They’re also at super varying times on Saturdays and Sundays so some games are European/North American friendly!

All the games are played on weekends because the players have regular jobs! It’s a semi professional league so they aren’t paid and typically have sponsors who cover some of the cost of the season. These women are MULTI FACETED!

The league is really fun because everyone supports each other a lot and its way less disastrous than the men’s league. Also the age range on teams is huge because you can start playing for the league when you’re 14 and there are some 30+ year olds on teams.

Teams:

Adelaide Rush: PERFECT for the suffering Adelaide Adrenaline fan. Currently undefeated in regulation after finishing in last place last season. An amazing comeback narrative that is perfect for the hockey fan who loves an underdog and is being disrespected by their own awful teams. Adelaide friends please get around this team, who knows when you’ll see a winning hockey team again! They also have a really good social media presence (as do their men’s team).

Perth Inferno: The newest team in the league. Haven’t done that well this season but their imports are very good and their results aren’t indicative of their overall performance imo. Another underdog team who is totally worth seeing live if you’re from Perth! Honestly I’m a full believe in their ability to turn it around and be awesome. Unfortunately they suffer from being located in Perth and therefore can’t afford to fly a full lineup to their away games. This makes them even cooler imo because they’re still competitive despite having way less players.

Brisbane Goannas: The most neglected of hockey markets in Australia, the land of nonexistent hockey markets. They don’t have a men’s team anymore so QLD fans should totally get around them! Their jerseys are super sexy and imo this is the best team name in the league. They aren’t great but deserve more attention because they’ve managed to keep a team this long! I have a feeling one of the players runs some of their social media, its very fun (especially their Instagram stories)

Sydney Sirens: This is the big scary team of the season. Also undefeated in regulation, they’re kind of like the Canberra Brave or Tampa Bay Lightning of 18/19. Their imports are sisters, one of whom played for the CWHL, and a girl who played for them. I HATE this team they’re really hard to play against and are super skilled. Melbourne v Sydney games are GREAT because the rivalry is real and it’s a rematch of last year’s gold medal game (They play again this weekend 14 and 15 of December.) Their social media presence is also really good!

Melbourne Ice Women: This is my team brace yourself. The Melbourne Ice (MIW) are affiliated with the men’s team of the same name. They’ve won the most championships in the league. I’m telling you if you live in Melbourne and haven’t come to one of these games you’re missing out. The crowd is LOUD and ENTHUSIASTIC because there is a brigade of HABS (husbands and boyfriends) who come and go HARD for the team. They’re really skilled but have probably been underperforming this season. They also have a KILLER back half of the season because they’re playing Sydney and Adelaide. Now for some player info:

Christina Julien #91 F: One of the Ice imports and also the captain. She used to play soccer for team Canada and was nominated to their Olympic squad. A badass athlete who is basically a cheat code on the ice.

Megan Eady #44 D: The other Ice import. Literally such a beast. Said once that she had no idea what she was doing on the Ice which CAN’T be true she’s so good. The HABS sing a song when she scores to the tune of Evie by Steve Wright (Eady, Eady let your hair hang down)

Georgia Moore #12 F: Was the first Australian ever drafted into the CWHL (Nathan Walker eat your heart out). Has played for the team since it joined the league.

Shona Green #10 F: THE trailblazer for women’s hockey in Victoria. She was the first woman to play in a lot of the boys’ leagues growing up and has captained the Ice and Team Australia basically a hundred times.

Jenelle Carson #1 G: Absolutely bails out the team a heap. An amazing goalie whose sister (I think) plays on the team as well. Sings a lot during warmups. Literally just watch her games against Sydney this season she’s amazing.

Marnie Pullin #18 F: She’s 16 and had four points playing against grown women on Sunday. She’s already a beast and is only getting better. It’s just a coincidence her name sounds like Marie Philip Poulin but is it really? Go and watch her goals from the weekend (on the Melbourne Ice Women’s Twitter).

The Poutine Line: A fan favourite line made up of three Canadians: #7 Sarah Dash, #77 Nicole Jones and #19 Steph Conlon. Conlon and Dash are more or less in their first seasons on the team. This line is SO GOOD and FUN. Also Meika Yeo #86 D and Eady are totally honourary members of this line because they’re also Canadian and play at the same time as Poutine a lot.

Literally every player on this team is really fun and amazing and I could probably write heaps about all of them but I’m trying to keep it as short as possible.

Most of the teams have Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so give them and the league a follow to keep up with them! Also Women’s Sports Highlights (@ Wsporthilights) on Twitter clips all the best moments of the games so give them a follow too!

[monicalorandavis]

The Watchmen Premiere electrocuted my brain!

Not literally. But in the alternative world in which Watchmen takes place, brain electrocution seems like a likely torture scenario. (Note: tiny squidlings fall from the sky in sweeping hail storms so tell me I’m wrong.) But before I get sidetracked with squidlings and sci-fi elements, this needs to be said: the pilot episode of Watchmen is one of the most interesting pieces of television I’ve ever seen. Never have I felt so grounded (so quickly!!!) and yet so free from the natural order of my America. It wasn’t disorienting (believe me, other things were) but, the America depicted in Watchmen is one I’ve seen in my best, and worst, imaginations of the America we could be (and could’ve been).

I feel, like so many black Americans feel, that things could have been better for us. For all of us - if the country had just paid the debts owed to black Americans. And this might not have been the review you were expecting, but it’s the one you’re getting.

Let’s start at the top, the show opens with a silent film. A young black boy, no older than 5, watches attentively. His mother, the only other person in the theater, accompanies on piano, tears streaming down her face. In the background, we hear gun shots and mayhem. But the boy is transfixed by the film. In the film, a black sheriff saves the day in the 1920s, while the scoundrel, a white man, gets strung up a tree. The adoring white crowd cheers for the black sheriff and the little boy beams. Now, freeze -

In the 1920s, there were no such films being made. However, what Watchmen does here, and throughout the pilot, seamlessly, is weave our real history into the fabric of its America, and by so doing illustrates just how easy it is to change history. The Sheriff in the film, Bass Reeves, is a beloved hero for black people and Oklahomans alike. He was born into slavery and then escaped and hid with the Indians until the 13th amendment freed him. After that, he became one of the most successful, gun-slinging sheriffs in the country, fearless and well-renowned. The fact that Nicole Kassell and Damon Lindeloff are laying the foundation for a country that honors black heroes is re-writing the way Americans learn about America. They’re saying, we don’t have to tell stories like we used to. And these motherfuckers did that in the first goddamn scene. (We haven’t even gotten to the superheroes yet!)

Fast forward, it’s 2012 (?) and Robert Redford, the actor and humanitarian, is the president. His policies have divided an already divided America. Instituting Redfordations (Watchmen’s nod to, yes, reparations) is as hot-button an issue as, well, reparations currently are. Some white people on the fringe have taken to underground organizing and terrorism against the state. Cops and black people have been targeted as enemy number one.

But it’s not all shoot-outs (though that first one was *chef’s kiss* delicioso) and choreographed fight scenes. Like any good action movie, Watchmen captures your heart during its quietest moments. There were some oddly passed-over glimpses into inner worlds (Don Johnson sniffing cocaine during dinner rings a bell) but, by and large, we find ourselves in a world that took a slightly different path. What we get to experience in Watchmen, and not our world (yet), is the chaos white people are willing to wreak upon society at large for committing the sin of justice.

Before you think I’m deliberately avoiding the superhero element, I will say that I am not a fan of the superhero genre in general. I know, I know. I suck. Needless to say, I haven’t read the graphic novels that the show is based on or the 2009 film of the same name. According to the internet, this is a fabulous interpretation of the original works, while the movie left something to be desired. Will I watch the film to find out? Maybe. Maybe (probably) not.

All I can say is, I like this version. I like Regina King, always, and I especially like her as the badass cop/vigilante in a goofy costume. To pause for a moment, and circle this point of costume, masks and anonymity - While, I certainly don’t understand Panda and his whole getup, I do like the premise of anonymity as a means of protection, in a larger sense. It encapsulates a larger theme of colorblindness and race. Yes, in our society, it is wholly naive and, frankly, rude to pretend to not see race. But, what if we really couldn’t? Then, and only then, would it be possible to have these huge social debates. Is race real?

Surely, the difference in skin color is real. But, take away the ability to see skin color and the ability of racists to target victims falls apart (because the whole of racism is quite literally only skin-deep). Faceless men and women have no discernible features under their masks. In Watchmen, the police learned this the hard way. Apparently, there’s some White Night where white supremacists attacked cops and innocent people (how unusual!!!!). As a result, the police wear a yellow mask that camouflages most of their face against attackers bent on identifying them. However, the rebels, organized under the 7th Cavalry moniker, also use masks to hide their own identities - borrowing a page from their “oppressors”. The whole thing is very 2019, and I keep fantasizing that Donald Trump will tweet some praise for the show, not realizing that he is, in fact, the sick underbelly, lost in their/his self-pitying, fighting for something he has no right to.

So, as you can understand, the superhero thing is at the bottom of the list when it comes to what makes this show so very interesting, which is saying something because HBO simply does not do superhero television programs (nor do I, really). HBO does cutting-edge, risky drama or sexy, incest fantasies, or comedies with strong, flawed leads we love to hate (or hate to love). HBO is taking a big swing and, while we’re only one episode deep, I’m in. This is cutting-edge, risky and sexy and everyone is flawed and white people are going to be mad, so I guess it’s covering a lot of bases for me.

I love the notion of an alternative America that atoned for the sins of racism. And I love this fictional narrative as much as racists hate the narrative that there is no longer any room for the white man in America. (They, however, do not know that their narrative is also fictional. Oop.)

And that leads me to my only concern with Watchmen. It is incendiary. In the way that everybody pointed to The Joker, this could starting something. The riots in the show pulsate with the same adjacency that exists now, in our country, at every moment, lurking behind every corner. One wrong move and this whole thing crumbles.

Will this show induce white rebellion against blacks? It wouldn’t be the first time.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #188

“don’t you try to hide with those angel eyes.”

Would you rather take a walk in the cold rain, or in the blistering heat? Ha, the rain, any day. What is your favorite card game? Magic: The Gathering. If it were revealed that religion in its entirety did not actually exist, would your outlook on life be any different? No. If you had the chance to slip through a portal, despite being aware of any of effects and/or consequences, would you do it? No. Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? Mom. Worst facial hair, in your opinion: The pedo mustache. You know the one I'm talking about. Have you ever eaten dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets? Yes, I like, demanded we get those instead of regular as a kid lol. McDonalds, do you like it or does it disgust you? I honestly don't see why people hate it?? Do you like the state you live in? No. Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? I believe so. What do you hope you grow out of? The laziness I have with chores oops. What is the healthiest and unhealthiest thing you do on a regular basis? Healthiest, drink at least one bottle of water... even though I know that's nowhere near where I'm supposed to be lmao. Unhealthiest, drink soda. What is the most embarrassing thing you own? Ummmm idk. What is the strangest habit you have? I have to go use the bathroom literally right before I lay down for bed. Doesn't matter if I did ten minutes ago, I /have/ to go again because if I feel even a damn drop in my bladder, I can't sleep. What movie made you cry the most? The Notebook, probably. Titanic really got me, too. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Getting my dog. What’s your favorite vacation memory from when you were a child? Watching the fireworks above the castle at Disney World. What impression do you try to give when you first meet someone? I try to be very polite. Who or what inspires you to be a better person? Mark. What’s the TLDR description of your last relationship? I didn't like him like that. If you found out your current life has been just a dream, would you choose to wake up? (You don’t know if your real life would be better or worse.) No. Well... do I ever wake up? If I was going to at some point, then I would, as I'd just be hurting myself by living in a word I would only leave. What dumb thing did you believe for a really long time? I'm not even remotely kidding, I didn't put together what "PMS" stood for and thought it was about mood swings 'n shit *during* your period until a few months ago. Where would you like to retire? I'm not thinking of that yet. What brings you the most joy in life? Talking/being with Sara. How many windows are on the upstairs part of your house? We don't have an upstairs. Do you own many hats? I have a Carolina Hurricanes one somewhere from going to a game with Dad, maybe two actually, but idr where they are or if I even still have them. When was the last time you were kept off school/work etc because of snow? I haven't been in school in a long time and I'm unemployed. Have you ever taken an underwater picture? No. Ever been on a ride and hated every second? Not seriously. I went on one I was terrified of (one of those circles that goes waaay up and then abruptly drops you) just to step out of my comfort zone, but I didn't hate it. Scared tho. What were an average day’s tasks at your favorite job you’ve had so far? I most certainly don't have a favorite. Does your car have a backup camera? I don't have my own car, but Mom's doesn't. Are you working on any goals? Yeah, not going well. :') Do you enjoy reading? Not particularly... I kinda just stopped enjoying it, but I also associate it with the hospital because that and coloring was all I ever did. The only thing I really *enjoy* reading is our RP because I'm so deeply invested in our characters, but even then, I procrastinate reading long posts. I'm genuinely trying to start reading again, though... I used to adore it. Are you interested in politics? No, though I should care. Did/Do you enjoy high school? Not usually 'cuz I was a depressed shit. Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? YES Ma and I love that shit. Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? No. Ever been in a meaningless relationship? Tyler, yes. Does anything on your body hurt right now? Not at this very instant. Know anyone on birth control? Most girls I know + myself. Would you go swimming right now if you could? Yeah, that'd be nice. How long was your longest relationship? Over 3 1/2 years. What are you looking forward to in the next 3 months? My birthday. Have you ever gone frog hunting? No. Who’s the last person to seriously hurt you? Mom. Do you like getting dirty? NO. Are you a very flirty person? No. Who was your favorite babysitter? "Uncle" Donny. Do you swear? I think I make that pretty obvious. Are you gullible? Not usually. What is the last dream you remember? (describe) A nightmare with Dad that I don't really remember the details of. What is something that you fear will happen to you in the future? (Also why) I'll develop Alzheimer's. "Why" is obvious. Thankfully, it doesn't run in my family at all. Describe the best day that you can remember? First day at Sara's. Describe your worst day? The night of the breakup. What are some of your favorite songs right now? The SYN remix of Slipknot's "Psychosocial," "Incense and Iron" by Powerwolf, the "Closer" cover by Asking Alexandria, "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment... I really have a lot rn. Do you ever have reoccurring nightmares? Describe? I've had four nightmares with my dad, all with horrible themes. I guess you could call that "reoccurring." Name a fictional place you would like to go? Take. Me. To. Azeroth bitch. Stormheim in specific, or Feralas. What criminal (dead or alive) would you like to sit down and talk to and why? None. If you read books, what are you reading now? I'm very, very slowly reading The Fault in Our Stars. Do you think that forgiveness is mandatory to move on from something? No. I still don't know if I forgive Jason, yet I'm over it. Do you believe in the death penalty? In extreme cases, yup. Some people have no right to life following some crimes. What is something you want to do but are scared of actually doing it? Ride a rollercoaster. Name three things you would buy if you had the money to buy them? A PS4, drawing tablet, another tat. Are you in a relationship right now? If so, do you think it’s a healthy one? Definitely! (Follow up) If it’s unhealthy, what makes it that way? N/A Would you ever date someone long distance? I am now. Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? My former best friend for a plethora of reasons. What group do you hate the most on Tumblr and why? SJWs. I'll stay away from "why" because I have extremely strong feelings and don't wanna offend anyone. What is the meanest thing you have ever done to someone, and why? Messaged Jason before leaving for the ER, directly blaming him. I mean the cause was what he did, but like... you don't fucking contact someone telling them "hey I'm off to the ER because I'm suicidal because of you." I don't care what I feel about him now, that was fucked up. Have you ever sent anon hate to someone? Nope. If you could write a book, what would it be about? I actually think it'd be pretty cool to create some sorta novel series involving all the RP stories, like divide the books into each mob's story... If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be? Don't exhibit violence. If you could star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? ONE W/ TIM BURTON. In your opinion what is something horrible everyone should try once? ?????????????????????????????? What is the hardest lesson that you have ever learned? Someone can fall out of love with you. What mistake do you keep making over and over again? Jumping to conclusions. If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? The moment Sara and I met. What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Pirated a computer game I desperately wanted to play afsjjwoeuqowe I'm glad I don't have it anymore, that guilt. People in the past were buried with things that were important to them, what would you be buried with? The pebble from Holly Hill. What is something you are against, but find yourself doing anyway? Being sarcastic as hell when I'm mad. What was the last photo that you took? A leaf, I think. What are your favorite lyrics from a song? Probably "a bloody war behind my eyes; I'll come all right on the other side." Have you ever hit someone? Who and why? Nicole when we were little for making me mad over something I don't remember. What do you think they should teach in school that they don’t? Basic adult skills. What’s your favorite language? German. It sounds so powerful to me, especially in metal ajsfoawoejaw. What’s the most vivid dream you’ve ever had? I don't remember. Who’s your favorite celebrity? Korean Jesus. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Rebel's Market rip. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, far from on my to-do list. I don't support them in the very least. How many tattoos do you have? Six. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one? N/A When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Like, '16 on a sandwich. Are you a good cook? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you know how to pump your own gas? No. What do you think about the most? The future. What do you do most when you are bored? Watch YouTube. Which came first: the chicken or the egg? Chicken. What kind of books do you like to read? Fantasy. How far away from your birthplace do you live now? Like, <10 minutes. Ever been stung by a jelly fish? No. Could you cope with the paparazzi if you were famous? FUCK NO SOMEONE WOULD GET KNOCKED OUT. Do you wear foundation? Veeeeery rarely. Would you ever adopt? If I actually wanted kids, sure. Are you sexually active? No. Last person you sang happy birthday to? Sara. <3 Was the last jacket you wore yours? No. Last thing you won? Uhhhh good question. What level of brightness do you usually keep your phone at? A bit above the middle. Have you ever attended a religious or private school? Well, I went to Sunday school. How many cars does your household own? One. What's your favorite meat? Ummmm pork or chicken. What's the best amusement park you've ever visited? Well, Disney World. How old were you when you got your first car? I still don't have one lol. Do you know anyone who's gotten pregnant over the age of 40? I don't think so? Who does most of the grocery shopping in your home? Mom. Are you listening to music right now? If so, what's the theme of the lyrics? "Adrenalize" by In This Moment. Sex, like it seems most of their songs are about lmao. What movie/game/etc. helps you calm down? Shadow of the Colossus. What does your room smell like? Dog, probably. Do you like to organize? Not particularly. What song is your aesthetic? "She" by Dodie is so Soft and Good. Do you believe in auras? Maybe? Idk. What do you wish you hated, but actually like? Blood On The Dance Floor. I've never really looked into the concrete facts, but I know supposedly they've been sexually involved with those underage. I like a good number of their songs, though. Is there someone you have mixed feelings towards? I'm sure there's someone. Do you prefer space or the ocean? Spaaaaace. What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) Honestly? I don't know actually what they are and I don't care enough to research. What do you think our purpose is in the universe? Hell if I know. Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? "Stairway to Heaven." What ex do you miss the most, if you have one? I most miss who Jason was, not who he became at all. But it doesn't matter, I have someone way more important now. What is your favorite thing to learn about? Meerkats. What country’s history do you find the most interesting? Idk. What breakup was the hardest, if you had one? lol y'all know Do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend? Not anymore. Do you have any strange interests? RP. What is a topic you are uncomfortable with discussing with most people? Sex. What is something you dislike about the dating world? People don't seem to take love seriously. What gives you confidence? Feeling knowledgeable on the subject. Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you? No. Well, not that I know of. I've only been sexual with one. Have you ever said anything you regretted while drunk? No. Has anyone ever been extremely jealous of you? Do you know why? Idk. What was the angriest your parents ever were at you? Dad, idk. Mom, probably when I said "fuck you." That was a night. Or when she tried to kick me out of the car for some argument I can't remember. What was the longest you stayed in your own home for? Weeks, I'm sure. Right now, what is your number one desire? Get a job. Do you feel as though someone ‘won’ in your last break up? No. Whatever happened to the first person you ever loved? I haven't spoke a word to him in almost two years, idk and idc really. Are you currently healthy? In some ways, but no in most. What is something most people are turned on by but you’re not? Extremely muscular men, like wrestlers. Has anyone in your life changed drastically (for better or worse) since you met them? How? Not that I can think of. What song reminds you of good times from high school? "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R ironically lmao. Have you ever inherited something? What and from who? No. Who is the last baby that you held? Keegan. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names? No. Last time you saw fireworks? Long time ago. Do you have a black dog? Teddy has some black on him. Do you have a top price where ethics and morality are no longer an issue? No. Well, I guess it depends. What is the greatest physical challenge that you have accomplished? Losing ~60 lbs. Have you ever played naked Twister? No. If tattoos didn't hurt and you could get anything, what would it be? The #1 tat I want is dA's NukeRooster's painting "Denialism" (I got her permission), but I'm going to have to go to an extreme professional, and it's gonna be priiiiiiiceeeeeeey. Have you ever been ghosted before? No. Did you ever get caught watching porn? No, because I've never watched it. Were you ever the bully? No. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? Idk.

[disneydreamlights]

the thing may not be applicable to your own ocs but iF YOU THINK I'M NOT STILL SNEAKING SOME FORM OF OC TRASH SO I CAN HEAR WHAT KINDA STUPID HEADCANONS YOU HAVE, YOU'RE DEAD WRONG. namely ian and tip because sc trash babe. also aqua, kairi, chrom, and adrien agreste

FUCKING HELL ZOE. XD

I’ll throw the SC trash under read more but the rest nah.

Aqua:

Realistic: Aqua is, ironically enough, the member of the Wayfinder Trio most susceptible to her darkness. Her darkness is lower than Terra’s, sure, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t super susceptible to it being messed with and the issues that that can bring. The reason we don’t see that in BBS is just because nobody’s interested in messing with her darkness because like Xehanort wants Terra’s ass, and Vanitas needs Ven, so that leaves nobody to really try to fuck her up. It’s also why in the Realm of Darkness she seems to constantly give up hope so easily.

Hilarious: She wears heelies around in the heels of her Keyblade armor, the worst part about falling into the Realm of Darkness is she can no longer roller skate anywhere.

Heartbreaking: Aqua falls into darkness not only because of her susceptibility, but because Xemnas/Xehanort presents himself as Terra, and so rather than see her enemy, she sees her best friend and after fighting so long she’s just finally happy to see him again, and so when he offers for her to join him, she does no matter what the cost.

Unrealistic: Aqua’s main possession from her home world that she brought with her to the Land of Departure is her teddy bear. She’s brought this teddy bear with her everywhere, including the entirety of Birth By Sleep. This teddy bear didn’t make the trip to the Realm of Darkness and returned with Terra. (Xemnas takes very good of the bear, alongside Aqua’s armor.)

Kairi:

Realistic: Kairi actually has very vivid memories of her time in Radiant Garden. The reason why she lies to Sora and Riku about remembering her homeworld is one of them, because her most vivid memory is one of Xehanort mentioning how all this happened because he wanted to leave him homeworld so desperately. She hoped if she never brought up how nice her homeworld was before Xehanort and all the Heartless, nobody she befriended here would ever turn out like him.

Hilarious: Kairi started Riku on a swear jar. She uses the money that Riku puts in for cursing on ice cream for herself and Namine.

Heartbreaking: When Kairi hugged Sora Heartless in KH1, she obviously didn’t expect him to come back despite the fact that he did. Had he not revived, Kairi would’ve done everything in her power to bring him back, and would’ve likely acted similar to Axel in KH2 (just with some roles reversed and changed out) all in the vain hope that she could do something to see Sora again since Riku and the islands would’ve been gone.

Unrealistic: Kairi very much kicked Sora’s and Riku’s asses together the first time they played with swords when they were kids and because she was that much better than everybody else they were just like “Kairi it’s no fun to fight you we always lose.” “Fine then I just won’t fight but when I do I’ll still be queen of the island.” (The reason why she fought well is she had to in Xehanort’s tests.)

Chrom:

Realistic: Chrom is the biggest fucking clutz like he cannot, for the life of him, be coordinated. Even in sword fighting, while he’s good at it, it doesn’t stop him from sometimes looking like a lumbering oaf.

HIlarious: Honestly the above is good for this too but also did you know that Chrom has almost stabbed Robin more times than he can count simply because he tripped, fell and oops oh shit there was a sword.

Heartbreaking: When Robin disappeared Chrom actually didn’t get any sleep those first few nights of the search. He was so worried for his significant other/best friend that he would leave the castle in the middle of the night just desperate to see some time that they were okay. The only reason he started to actually catch sleep again is Lissa basically tied him to the bed because she was so worried that he’d kill himself from lack of sleep, because yeah they all missed Robin, but that wasn’t a reason to act like that either.

Unrealistic: There was a solid three month period where everybody in the Shepherds decided to make an inside joke that they were going to have a marriage from Chrom and his sword. Chrom was very surprised one day when he walked in on Lissa dressing Falchion up in a wedding gown and Libra actually stood there ready to officiate the wedding between him and his sword. Robin was embarrassed the entire time because when Chrom confessed he used the “Wind at my back and sword by my side” line and in fact when Chrom first said he loved his sword it was meant for her and was referring entirely to her but because they weren’t public about being in love everybody 100% took it to mean Falchion.

I know the last one isn’t technically Chrom but shut up and let me share my “Shepherds are dumbasses” headcanon.

Adrien:

Realistic: When Adrien first learns that Marinette is Ladybug he does a really bad job of not revealing that he knows because all he does is act like Chat Noir and make cat puns when around her in hopes that his Ladybug would figure it out. She still does not figure it out even after that.

Hilarious: Marinette actually figures out who Chat Noir is because of Adrien not even making a cat pun. After months of Adrien making cat puns what in fact actually happens is Adrien makes a pun about modeling or something like that and somehow the pun instantly makes her think of Chat and she realizes what’s happening. Adrien then spends weeks angry over the fact that she is, in fact, that oblivious but understood it all from an accidental pun.

Heartbreaking: Adrien is desperate enough to have some kind of bond with his dad that if Gabriel Agreste revealed to him that he was Hawk Moth, Adrien would choose to betray Ladybug and have Chat Noir join Gabriel while attempting to figure out a peaceful situation so that way the two most important people in his life would no longer fight.

Unrealistic: The only reason Chat Noir uses cat puns is because he knows they annoy Ladybug. Like they weren’t a piece of his secret identity he expected to stick but they did. (It’s also why he would dismiss Marinette as Ladybug. She laughs at his puns because she’s that in love with Adrien, but Ladybug would groan.)

I just hope you know that if my Ian headcanons suck I blame you. XP

Ian:

Realistic: Ian got so fed up with the Christmas carols in the stores that he heard all Christmas season that he decided to write his own Christmas carols. These carols were actually better than actual Christmas carols and somebody heard them and made their own version and then that Christmas carol became the next annoyingly popular song and Ian was bitter forever at the fact that his only song that became big was that.

Humorous: Ian has a gigantic collection of coffee mugs because he’s just that addicted to coffee. He has so many of these mugs that he was placed on a mug ban but he’s still so bad about not buying mugs anyways.

Heartbreaking: While Ian did occasionally travel back to the Spiral he made only one visible appearance outside of Nicole’s revival island and that conversation we rped with Nick in SW: And that was his children’s weddings, because despite the fact that he died before both of them got married, he wanted them to know that he was there, and proud of them and happy for them. 

Unrealistic: Ian spent an entire six months of his life learning how to walk in heelies only to never use them again and give them to Mitch.

Tip:

Realistic: Tip’s main reason for becoming a professor wasn’t just teaching, it was because it was a way for him to take care of and practically adopt kids without actually adopting them, since after his first children and his realization of immortality Tip couldn’t bring himself to adopt anymore while he didn’t have Nicole: Their death would be too painful for him.

Humorous: Tip said fuck once and actually cried so much he decided he would never use it again.

Heartbreaking: Deep down the only reason Tip managed to stay alive during the years between when Nicole died and SW was because he knew, deep down, if he died then he’d forget all about her and never see her again, even if he didn’t consciously remember. Because of this Tip continued to hold on until the chasm, where it was only the rush of happy memories that managed to push him past his tipping point and over the edge.

Unrealistic: There is a universe in which Pat doesn’t make Tip suffer and he gets to be completely happy. ;w;

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 13 - “The Last Check Mark I Need” - NICOLE

IDK WHATS GOING ON. But I don't trust Jared and nicole or Johnny. I think im going I don't wanna wrongly play. But them.not knowing the vote count is sketchy

This entire past tribal went horrible - Vilma went home and she was a huge ally who was very involved in my game, but I found out a few things of her not trusting me so BITCH BYE (jk ilysm) - Regan exploited our alliance that we had between me, her, Augusto, which was SO pointless on top of ALL OF THE REASONS where regan pissed me off today, but honestly, I don't feel the need to go into it again bc just lol at this point she's honestly fucking insane (sorry ily but you're fucking nuts) - Nicole just failed to understand why I voted for her, and I feel so bad about things, especially considering we hungout irl a few days ago, and I told her I wouldn't vote for her.. I also feel bad that Jared has turned into a lowkey sociopath this game and nicole is getting wreckt for it - This BAD PUBLICITY over this reward challenge when people dont want me going to ghost so they can kill me instead - Dan is PISSED at me for all of these chats getting exploited, being left out of the nicole vote and just the consistent lying to him. Jared played so many FUCKING games today that threw him, Dan and I under the bus, and it was just nuts, and he blew up both of our games in a way that wasn't necessary..... and there were just other ways to plan it out What I WILL say is that I'm turning Asya into like.... one of my closest allies bc I think she's fucking awesome, and I think we're in the same boat, and if it's up to me, I don't want her going anywhere.. I'm plenty okay voting out anyone who isnt augusto asya roxy at this point..... everyone else can probably burn? I'll see how long I can keep Jared around. Eventually, enough is enough and I may just have to throw in the towel and vote for Jared, but I'm going to try to not think about that bc my intentions are to still stay pure to Jared so GOSH lord help my soul

https://youtu.be/12RpRL81wjc

Lots to explain, let’s start off with the most obviously trivial. Regan talks about herself...a lot. Like, a lot. Regan is most definitely the most self centered person I’ve ever met. She knows it so like, it’s not mean that I’m stating it. But anyway every day in the tribe chat she goes on for sooooo long about herself and so I made a fun little game where when she sends a rant about her life I say “Merry Christmas Everyone”. It started on Christmas, so it wasn’t that funny BUT every day since it’s gotten progressively funnier and funnier. Ricky and Alex chimed in a few times and then I got Johnny in on it. It’s becoming such a moment every time it happens and the farther away from Christmas we get, the more ridiculous Regans responses get to it. Now, back to business. Last night I almost got voted out. I am BEYOND thankful that when I went to Ghost Island I was able to get the Sapphire Idol and will it to Jared during the second or third round. We have been trying to hold on it for so long in order to use it correctly to save both of us and tonight was the PERFECT oppurtunity. We not only did THAT but we flushed two idols since Regan used hers for no reason and Vilma left with hers. (I feel so bad I wish she would have used it and rocked out Johnny). Today I’ve made substantial progress with Asya and Dan but I really don’t think it’s enough. Which makes me nervous. I feel like going going home these next two rounds is going to be so sad for me. I have the fucking legacy advantage and having to give it away before I even can use it would kill me. Regan better calm herself with her agenda to get me out because if she doesn’t fucking relax I will 100% get her out with the legacy advantage just for fun. Finding a fourth to vote with us is going to be actually terrible. I’m hoping I can be immune so that the tables are forced to turn. I really don’t want to go. Maybe Jared will find something at ghost island to shake things up. I feel like crap about this game because Asya has painted a picture of how I COULD win. But that makes me feel like nobody will let me get that far. I just want to win so badly this is like the last check mark I need in order to feel successful in this community (as cheesy as it sounds).

So I’m really boo boo the damn fool huh. Vilma leaving last night was literally heart wrenching. After hosting her in Cayman Islands, she was probably one of the most deserving of the unfinished business casting. She’s an amazing person, friend, and ally. I really am gonna miss her a lot in this game. As it stands rn, everyone is being shady. Especially Johnny, but honestly, we been knew. Regan leaving the chat is fucking annoying. She’s unwilling to vote anyone but Nicole. I promised Nicole I wouldn’t write her name down this game, And I intend to make that happen. I wish there was a way that me and Nicole could lowkey get the votes split 3-3-1 on us this week to force a rock pull, but there’s literally no way. When I think about it, splitting up Nicole and Jared is smart, however, in my opinion the wrong person is on Ghost Island rn. I’d much rather vote out Jared than Nicole and that’s just that on that. I may honestly just throw a vote or self vote this round bc I literally can’t bring myself to vote out Nicole. If Nicole wins immunity, I am a little worried for my ass soooooo. Idk what’s best rn.

https://youtu.be/OSPsCvp7lmM

https://youtu.be/dLh35zpslXU

OKAY LISTEN..... I'm proud of myself bc I've gotten to that point of ORGs where I feel I'm done doing 800 long ass confessionals every round, but nonetheless, I've gotta do one each round, and I'm trying to make it good, so here's the content from my host chat about why im considering what im considering today: I am hoping that the Regan/Nicole thing continues until right before the vote, and this round is going to be everyone depending on my vote because I'm the swing, and I'm hoping people are going to be patient with what my decision is, because I'm likely not going to make it until right before tribal...... jk im voting for regan, but they dont need to know that ;) i know by voting out regan, im making it harder for myself to get to the end, but I'm REALLY trying to surround myself with threats so I can get to the end. I was the first person this season to make an "out there" game move, by playing my idol and taking out Ricky, and since them, i am trying my damnedest to just hold back my threat level, so people just let me go further and further. I don't have MANY options beyond that at this point Oop apparently regan is voting for me.. that's a mood Now here's me ranting about taking out Dan vs Regan: Regan is more easily controlled, and she has been working closer to me this entire game.. She is a goat and likely won't win at the end, but she's a very likely candidate to get to the end at this point just because she's such a goat Dan, on the other hand, has been a strong ally, but he voted for me once, and has been wishy washy with his allegiances since he voted for me the first time (when I used my idol), and promised us so many things, but Dan has pretty good relationships and is unpredictable, but he's sworn up down left and right that he wants finals with Augusto and I. The BIG reason for keeping Dan is that Roxy and Augusto, who are probably two of my top three closest, and most trusted allies, are going to be more reliant on me next round for numbers, and even more when it gets closer to the finals, they may feel more compelled to take me to the end because there are too many big threats left in the game but if i vote for regan then i might be jeopardizing my specific spot in the game, and I'd have the potential of my allies turning on me

(A LITTLE LATER)

So I guess here's an ACTUAL confessional since I haven't really planned on making anything else, but I feel bad Regan fucked my entire game up because she thought she was being cute after last tribal. Everyone was on a call during that reward challenge (not getting into it... literally fuck the hosts bc that changed the entire game, moving on), and they were all spilling shit because Nicole got mad that four people voted for her, and then Nicole and Dan both started making this game feel really personal, and honestly, it just felt icky to me that they were bringing it to a personal level when it was a game move. I understand what Nicole is going through bc (T B H Jared) Jared is a sociopath in games, and he really just doesn't have a chill switch sometimes, especially when dealing with nicole, so like..... idk, people started feeling bad for nicole bc jared YELLED at nicole after tribal on that call apparently, and ig it had to do with me, and more of an exposing me party YAY, but idk.. so I feel bad for her too I deem literally everyone in this cast currently a close friend, so this is never ever going to be an easy decision from here on out. Every decision is going to be painful. My entire plan for the day was to pretend to be indecisive about how I wanted to vote, when in reality all day, my intentions were to vote for Regan, however, things have changed sadly............... I'm voting for Dan tonight, and I don't see myself changing my mind before tribal for many of many reasons. I mostly just feel that if Dan stays, I could POTENTIALLY not have numbers next round since Dan is consistently playing double agent, and jared nicole and asya could come together and vote out either roxy or augusto, and then i'd be fucked, especially considering those are probably the two people im trying to get to the end with (without screwing over jared and losing his jury vote uwu) Also, the biggest reason I've gotta do this is to just not upset the people who've been the best to me since we've merged. Augusto and Roxy have been nothing but helpful to my game, and Dan was the FIRST of my allies to turn on me, and that still hasn't been sitting well with me since it's happened. I'm moreso doing this for my allies than anyone else, and knowing that Roxy, Augusto, Regan and I are likely not going to break until we get to the end ish? (But also Asya queen is getting to the finals if it's the last thing I do. Regan can LEAVE before Asya does, but that's besides the point hmmmmmm) My other big fear with voting out dan is that im voting out such a meat shield.. going into the f5 with any combination of asya augusto roxy regan puts me in a lot of trouble to get 5th or 4th, and I'm foreseeing a world now where I get 5th or 4th because those are the people I chose to go down the stretch with, but we'll see... I think I can maybe have a few tricks up my sleeves to attempt to get me there? oops?

IDK THE TEA IS THAT im voting johnny with nicole and dan and idk if i can pull this off

Nicole and I decided this plan to get it to be 3-2-2 and I’m so nervous it’s gonna fall through. I’m shaking in hangout rn omfg this is so stressful

[choicesimaginesandmore]

Eternal Highschool (Endless Summer AU) Chapter I: New Kid Summary: Nicole discovers what a general day is like at her new school and realizes that making it through this high school might be a lot harder than she originally thought. Word Count: 2501 --- The first day of school and she was already late. Nicole was a bright girl, creative, open minded, and full of ideas, and she always seemed to know exactly what was coming next. Her father had gotten a promotion and had to move to a new state in order to stay with his firm, so now Nicole finds herself in an unfamiliar state surrounded by unfamiliar faces, and late for school. As she raced down the long bland halls to her first class she took in her surroundings and realized she had quite a few options. To her left she saw a kid sitting outside by a tree, nearly asleep if not already, and not planning on getting up any time soon. He had long light brown hair and wore a Beatles shirt under his army green jacket that laid over his jeans. In front of her was a science classroom that was quiet and nearly desolate, if the door hadn't been open she would've thought the class was empty. She then looked to her right, knowing all that laid behind her, and there she found an English classroom bursting with life and laughter, the door closed but not holding in the bustling sounds of the room, and just beyond that other doors and lockers lined the hallway. She looked down at her schedule, rolled her eyes, and with a deep sigh read off her first class aloud, "Science, 1st hour." Stepping into the classroom all eyes fell on her, a cold silence overcoming the room, the students eyeing her up and down, taking in every detail of her face and clothing, judging and examining her with their eyes. "I'm Nicole," She introduced herself breaking the silence, clearing her throat first as the teacher scowled. "Sit down," the teacher grumbled, messing with some papers on her otherwise organized desk, her eyes never leaving the papers. "Where?" Nicole asked before catching the eyes of some of the students who only glared at her suspiciously. Ultimately a boy peeped up from the corner to be a contrasting welcome to her presence, "Over here." She nodded and sat next to him, setting her stuff down and sliding into her chair before turning to shake his hand, "Im Nicole." "So I've heard," he chuckled, "I'm Diego. I'll help you find your clique." "My clique? I don't really have a clique, at least I didn't," Nicole admitted pulling out a notebook after seeing the others do it as well. "Everyone has a clique," Diego lectured simply and pointed to a group along the wall, "That's Craig, Sean, and Michelle. They're the jocks." As he called their names out Michelle burst into laughter and Craig screamed something out that Nicole only made out as, "Why'd you make me do that?" Sean reassuring him that he'd be okay as soon as he did. Nicole nodded along as he continued, "That's Grace and Aleister. They totally love each other, but they'll never admit it. They're the nerds." Grace accidentally knocked her pencil off her table and muttered a nearly silent "oops" as Aleister leaned over to pick it up. "Be more careful next time, Grace," he shook his head slightly. She apologized again more softly, though it seemed impossible, and continued what they were previously doing. "That's Quinn and Raj," he explained gesturing to the two in seats in front of them, "They're really good cooks. They're in a bit of a mixed clique. Quinn's a mom friend and Raj is the fun friend." Raj playfully shoved Quinn's arm as he turned around in his chair, meeting Quinn's eyes, "I love hearing people introduce us, mom friend." Diego cackled and Quinn kicked his foot gently, "Quit it you two. You're gonna scare the new kid! I'm sure she's already scared enough!" Quinn offered her hand and Nicole accepted it with a smile, "My name is Quinn." "I'm Nicole," she grinned and turned to Raj, "And you're Raj then, I take it?" He nodded with a smirk, "That's me. Who are you again? You've only introduced yourself a million times!" Diego and Raj broke out into laughter and Quinn just rolled her eyes and let out a small chuckle. Nicole followed suit and chuckled along and soon turned her gaze to a girl sitting at a back table, and prodded them, "Who's she?" "Who?" Diego turned to see the girl and immediately locked eyes with Nicole again, "Her name's Estela. She's kind of creepy and mysterious. No one knows anything about her." "Odd," Nicole shrugged it off, but on the inside curiosity soared inside of her and she hoped to have a chance to learn more about her in the future. "Is it weird that I kind of want to be her friend even though she scares me?" Raj offered up a rhetorical question and only received an exaggerated nod from Diego. "And the kid outside?" Nicole asked, returning the conversation to the original topic, still unbelievably curious. Diego stood and took a minute to look out the window and then returned to sit fully in his seat, and Raj took the opportunity to break the silence with a question that he seemed to already know the answer to, "Back at it again?" Diego nodded and Quinn sighed, "One time he's going to mis something important!" Raj pursed his lips and leaned back, "Well the least we could do is get him to hold out longer than the first day!" Diego attempted to hold back his laughter but a stifled laugh came out anyways, Quinn only smiled widely at it. Nicole chuckled, "An every day thing I take it?" "Oh, yeah. For the most part," Diego informed, spinning his pencil in between his fingers, "His name is Jake." Nicole nodded and began to speak again when the teacher spoke abruptly, "My name is Ms. Iris." As she spoke she began writing her name on the board and as she drew a line with the blue marker under her name she continued, "Not Miss, not Ms. I, only Ms. Iris. I hope many of you already know that I will not tolerate acting out or speaking out of turn. No laughter that is not without due reason and no cell phones." A girl who's head was half shaved and her ears lined with piercings chuckled from the corner. "Who's she?" Nicole whispered to Diego, her voice unheard by the teacher who masked it with her own voice. "That's Zahra. She's a rebel at her best. Her and Craig had a thing a little while ago," Diego explained. "Jock Craig?" Nicole raised an eyebrow. "That's the one," Diego chuckled, leaning back in his chair, "You're a fast learner." Nicole smiled to herself as the teacher barked at Zahra for chuckling, "That was rude and disruptive. Do you have any idea how upsetting it is to hear that?" "If it wasn't upsetting," Zahra paused and kicked her feet up, and with a smirk continued, "I wouldn't have done it." Ms. Iris muttered something under her breath and walked back up to the board to continue a rather boring lesson and Nicole ended up doodling the entire class. As the bell rang and they moved along to second hour, a wave of students rushing out of the door, Diego, Raj, and Quinn pulled Nicole along with them. "You've got English next right?" Diego asked as they walked confidently down the hallway, Nicole racing to keep up with them. "Yeah, I do," Nicole admitted as she followed them and most of the others to their next class. "Good morning, sweetheart!" Quinn teased as Jake walked groggily through the door. He brushed off her teasing and stumbled into the English classroom. Nicole turned to meet Diego's eyes, almost asking him a question without even speaking. "Yeah, it's just a thing he does," Diego spoke, answering her unspoken question and she shot him a nod. They all piled into the class quickly, the teacher bright and bubbly, announcing a daily schedule. Nicole sat with Diego on her right, Jake on her left, and Raj and Quinn in front of them both. "Ok class, today we have a new student!" The teacher was surprisingly happy, unlike her previous teacher, and she seemed to actually enjoy being there. "Nicole, why don't you come up here and introduce yourself?" The teacher announced and as Nicole hesitantly made her way to the front of the class the teacher turned to speak to her, "I'm Ms. Lila by the way." Nicole smiled and then turned to address the class, "Um.. My name is Nicole." Noticing that Nicole didn't know what else to say Ms. Lila prompted her, "Where are you from, Nicole?" Grateful for her question she smiled, "I'm from New York but it's a pleasure to be here now." "That's very nice. You may take your seat now," Ms. Lila offered kindly. Nicole sat back down and began following he lecture closely but occasionally she could swear she caught Jake looking at her, but she couldn't think of a solid reason why. As the class came to a sudden end, Nicole was glad that time flew by so quickly and began gathering her stuff in her bag. "I'm off to third hour, yours is just around the corner. Don't be afraid to ask someone if you can't find it or get lost!" Diego smiled and was soon out the door with Quinn and Raj close in tow. Nicole chuckled to herself, shaking her head slightly and soon noticed that the only people in the classroom were her, Jake, and Ms. Lila. Relief washed over her when Jake did not speak to her immediately and Ms. Lila bid them both a good day. As they both left the door Jake headed in a different direction she wondered if he had stayed after later for a reason or if it was simply a weird and awkward coincidence. She shrugged it off and headed to her history class. Tugging on her backpack straps she strode into the classroom and awaited the beginning of the lesson. This class held few people and less familiar faces but she sat down near Sean, the only one she seemed to remember the name of at the moment. "Hey, Nicole, right?" Sean smiled. "Yeah. You're Sean?" She questioned and when he nodded, his smile never fading, she chuckled with him, "I thought so." "Way to hang around the spotlight," a girl on the other side of Sean teased. "What?" Nicole was genuinely confused but she could understand when looking back how it was taken rudely from the perspective of anyone who didn't understand her intentions. "As if you don't know who Sean is," the girl had now come into Nicole's view and she remembered that it was Michelle. "Take it easy, she's new here," Sean explained, covering for Nicole. Nicole smiled at the gesture, but brushed off the conversation as Sean and Michelle began arguing. The teacher then rose to speak, she was blonde and dressed as if she was in Texas, "Welcome to your first history class of the year." Nicole examined her clothing one final time before focusing back on her words, "My name is Ms. Massey." As if reading off of a list she continued, "We have a new student named Nicole," She gestured towards Nicole and continued, "And we're going to take the rest of the day to make sure you guys understand how this class is run." "Ugh, Rules," Zahra groaned from the back where Nicole hadn't even noticed her sitting. "No rules. Just a syllabus," Ms. Massey assured with a lighthearted laugh and began passing out papers. As the class flew by Nicole began to stare out the window at the colorful leaves falling off the trees and blowing around in the air. She began to wonder how long the year would feel when every day felt like this. "Class dismissed," Ms. Massey's voice brought her out of her daydream and she smiled at the clock noticing that she was letting them out three minutes early. As Nicole peered out of the class she noticed Jake sitting out by his tree and contemplated using her extra time to go out and speak to him. Her debate raged on in her mind before she ultimately decided against it. There will always be tomorrow, or so she convinced herself. She trudged to her next class, Spanish with Mr. Reyes. 4th hour. Walking up the stairs she smiled to herself as she seen the flags for the language classes lining the hallway and she stepped into her classroom. "Hola! Bienvenidos," Mr. Reyes smiled and she nodded along. "Hablas español?" He asked and then when she half shook her head he smiled, "All in due time." The class was strict and the rules were followed and yet it was still rather fun. The notes were meticulous and she had to pay close attention but she was beginning to understand it. As the bell rang out the halls flooded with students and she weaved her way through the crowds. She was thankful that the next thing she went to was lunch, and as she opened the door to the cafeteria she realized just how separated the cliques were. They all sat separately and spoke loudly, the room was overfilled with unnecessary noise, and she was grateful to meet Diego's eyes and for him to beckon her over. "Nicole! Nice of you to join us!" He teased as she set her stuff down and rolled her eyes. "How you liking your classes so far?" Diego prodded, opening his lunch bag with a sigh and eyeing the cafeteria food before deciding not to get food from the line, muttering something about "food poisoning wasn't worth it." "They're alright," she admitted as Quinn got out a well packed lunch and handed Diego some. "What classes do you have next?" Diego reached for her schedule that she had set on the table. "Oh no," he sighed deeply, "You're going to hate the rest of your day." "It can't be that bad, right?" Nicole was now afraid, she hadn't looked closely at the rest of the day yet and as Raj leaned over in silence she repeated herself, "Right?" "P. E. with Ms Brooke is not going to be fun to say the least," Raj began, "Math with Mr. Hunter should be terrible, but then again I just really hate math so that's probably it but still. And then you've got art with Ms. Abby which is a fun class but it's really difficult to pass." "How so?" Nicole refused to believe that art of all classes would be a hard class to pass. "You'll see," Raj grinned, "You'll see."

[richardshaver1955]

So ummm…this happened!!!

So if you’ve been following me on Instagram, I kinda just announced the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. Guys! I got engaged on Kauai to the love of my life! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I AM A FIANCÉ NOW!

You’re probably thinking, “Wait whaaaa….you…were…in a relationship?” It’s okay. I meant to keep it private. It took everyone by surprise…like everyone…even COSMO!??!?!?!?

Before I get into the romantic proposal story, I just have to say that when Sam and I were Ubering home from LAX, we got a notification for this article, and when we opened it up – we just about DIED laughing.

First, at the fact that we were important enough for Cosmo to write an article about, and then secondly – I mean THAT HEADLINE. It is golden. Just golden. The Uber driver probably thought we were lunatics. We were CRYING. DYING. We couldn’t breathe.

Sam and I got engaged on August 16, 2017 in Kauai and I kept it a secret from you guys until the 22nd. Sam chose the 16th because it is my favorite number. And now, as I am writing this, I just realized that we announced ourselves publicly as a couple on the 22nd…which is Sam’s favorite number!

Though I never officially shared Sam with you guys, if you look carefully, he’s actually been in quite a few on my YouTube videos! POP Songs in Real Life and Train Like a Beast, Look Like  Beauty Workout just to name a couple. We kept our relationship private because as a “public figure”, there are just some things you need to save for yourself. To me, love is very precious, and I did not want to put our relationship or Sam in a place of constant judgement. We needed to purely and genuinely develop our relationship without the pressure of followers, likes, and comments etc.

I actually had trouble writing the engagement announcement caption because in a way, I almost felt like I had been hiding a secret from you guys. I didn’t want you to be mad because you guys pretty much know EVERYTHING about me – except for my dating life. It took me an hour to write the IG caption and when I posted it, my heart was racing. Was my biggest moment going to be ruined by people being upset that I was hiding something from them?

Thank you Nicole for saying that. It made me feel a lot less anxious! And not that this matters AT ALL, but our engagement announcement is the highest liked thing in the entire history of the entire Blogilates Instagram!

I think the highest liked post I’ve ever had like before this was around 64k. I got into the mid-50s with Taylor Swift. But this? THIS comes to show that people really love LOVE. Sam and I are so happy that you guys are celebrating with us. THANK YOU. I cannot wait to share more stories about our relationship and things we’ve learned over the years. We’ve been together since college and he knows me better than any person in the world, including myself.

So for those of you who have not read it yet, here is original engagement announcement:

I’ve been waiting a week to post this because I wasn’t sure how to tell you guys. Most of you probably didn’t even know I was in a relationship because I’ve been very private about my life offline. But now, there are no more secrets.

He knew me and loved me before Blogilates ever existed. We dreamt together, built together, failed together, lost hope together, and found what we were desperately searching for in one another…together. We’ve been through so much and I 100% would NOT be who I am today without him.

I want you to meet my biggest supporter, my best friend, the man of my dreams, the man of my reality, the only one who can make me laugh within 5 minutes of a heated argument by putting on my favorite Disney songs and forcing me to dance with him…the amazing Sam.

That evening Sam told me we needed to go take Instagram pics at this cool cliff he found. So right before golden hour, I got ready, put on my new dress, and did my hair & makeup! Once he walked me to the edge of the cliff, he bent down to get his camera and said something along the lines of “Oops, I forgot my camera.” He was probably confused because all I said was “Oh ok!” (I don’t know, the scene was too pretty to get mad!)

Then…I saw a black box. And I was like ummmmmmmmmmmmmm. (Because we ALWAYS discuss everything and we definitely did NOT discuss what was about to happen!)

He got on one knee and asked “Will you marry me?” And all I could say was…”Wait, is this real?”, “You’re kidding right?”, “Hold on, this isn’t fake?!”

He was like, “NO CASSEY! THIS IS REAL!!!!”

And at that moment, I started crying, he slipped on the most beautiful ring I had ever seen, he turned me around, and I saw my sister and her boyfriend snapping pics and shooting video from behind a well positioned bush.

IT. WAS. UNREAL.

So there it is guys. I got engaged in Kauai to the love of my life. It feels like a dream but Sam reminds me that it’s definitely real. There’s so much more I want to tell you but Instagram won’t let me write more.

My baby sister Jackelyn was taking pics the entire time! Her and her boyfriend Nick (we call him Nickles) were behind a literal fir fort being all sneaky. I HAD NO IDEA. LIKE ZERO IDEA. We had to go back to the scene of the event before we left Kauai to re-enact this photo for you guys so that you could appreciate the fir fort. LOOK:

I was CRYING once I realized Sam was asking me to marry him for real! Then Jackelyn and Nickles came over to hug us and we took some selfies on a cliff. In case you’re wondering, Sam proposed to me on Punahoa Point in Kauai. It was perfect. Just PERFECT.

Ah, and the ring. Want a closeup? Okay cuz I took a closeup to show y’all! I can’t stop looking at it! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! (Also thank goodness I got my nails done the week before!)

You know what’s funny?

LITERALLY a couple weeks ago before we went on vacation I told Sam that I hate rings, don’t get me a ring, and that our love does not need to be shown off by an overvalued rock. I said take the money and let’s start another venture instead! Hahaha.

Omg he must have been DYING inside because Sam and lil sis have been working so hard CUSTOM DESIGNING this ring just for me – in secret!

I remember a few months ago Jackelyn asked me if I HAD TO pick a ring what it would look like. I was like…ok fine, well if you force me then something that doesn’t look like a traditional wedding ring! I want it to look like a rose on a vine! She was like…what!?!?

Well baby sis and fiancé, you guys knew me better than I knew myself because I DIDN’T KNOW that I could love a ring THIS MUCH. It is so beautiful and the fact that you guys designed it for me makes it even more special. What’s a Blogilates ring if it ain’t got some pink stones and a rose gold band!?!? You guys crushed it on the design!!!

Finally…for those of you wondering…how does being a fiancé feel different from being a girlfriend? Surprisingly it feels REALLY different! I feel like I’ve unlocked a new level of adulthood and am experiencing a heightened kind of love. Its so weird and magical! ✨ Eeeeeeeeee!!!

Now onto the wedding dress search! THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

from Blogilates http://ift.tt/2wCwMQn

[survivorindia]

Does Jordan Pines Think I’m F**king Stupid?- Sarah

Episode 4

Great.. a swap. Worst of all, three of my four main allies 'ere are on the other tribe. It's just Alex and I swinging at the fences now. Last night, Alex and Gavin called me so they could walk me through what's been going on with their tribe and so we could find a way to get OUT of this mess. Luckily, we still know the name of our idol board and we've already set up what each other (Alex and I) will guess so we'll keep that rotation going. So right now on my tribe besides Alex we have... Lexi and Ruben, which is BAAAAD for me since I clearly targeted Lexi and if they're together (which why wouldn't they be, ofc they'll be together) they could very well turn on me. Robin is probably with them, so if anything, she's my way out of being cut so soon on this tribe. Admittedly I haven't spoken much with Bernel, Julia, or Dom - I have played with Dom a long while ago but we talked like once in that game and I was gone right at the merge so I don't really know him too well. I'm going to try to hit everybody up today because I don't want to get too far behind socially. And then there's Jaiden. Just like me, he's waiting for death, so that's swell. I've been told he's a huge villain but let's not judge a book by their cover just yet and wait to see what the hell he does out here.

Oh BOY did I miss a lot today. I woke up like two hours ago and have been doing chores since so go me! Anywho, I'm just going to do a quick assessment of people here since I've gotten a little time to know em:  - Dom is nice and all but dude apologizes for everything, even semi-good things lmao. A for effort?   - Julia's social game isn't all there, hell, it's weaker than mine. At least she's somewhat enthusiastic though. - Bernel's pretty cool, don't have much of a read on them. - I really haven't talked to Lexi in forever oop and Ruben seems decent, haven't spoken too much with him. - Robin is same ol, same ol.  - I can't say I have much of a read on Jaiden either at this point, all I know is that people say he ain't the nicest.  - Alex is great! I hope he and I can survive this tribe because I'd love to jam with 'im out here. I really gotta pick up my social game because I'm slacking especially since I missed most of an entire freaking day fuck me 

You can't bully me into making more confessionals! "I do what I want!" - Danny Gluck But yea I'm doing a shit ton for this challenge hopefully my efforts don't go unappreciated

So this is really terrifiying. So we swap, and boom, there goes my closest ally Sarah and she is on another tribe. I'm on a tribe with a majority of villians, but honestly this far Sarah has helped me a lot though this game. And last nigh I found out about a lot of shit. So I learned that Jaiden has very bad breakdowns, I learned Jordan Pines wants to be an ally of mine, I learned Sarah is truly being real and probably trusts me to the fullest extent by now, I learned that DOM HAS AN IDOL. yep. So I have THAT to deal with, while I try and search for a new idol board on the hero's tribe. So yeah, that's whats going on as of now. I'll be back with more deets.

Okay not trying to sound divaish ALREADY but... Alex seems kinda cocky to me, no idea why? Than we have Ruben and dom, and as far as I'm concerned they should be online right now and be super active bitch get it together

Okay I swear I already don't like Alex I'm trying to be nice to his bitch ass but he just has such a cocky persona like um I'm complimenting you, trying to be nice, and his vibe is so rude fuck that I hope he gets eliminated soon somehow

Ok I should have been nice but I feel like he hates me   

Ok I should have been nice but I feel like he hates me (11:04pm night of swap) I have no idea what has been going on the past few days because I've been sleeping haha, but I guess we did a tribe swap which is pretty neat!!

So we got some snake motherfuckers in this tribe. Kharab is not unified. So Nicole asks to be voted out, everyone is on board but what happens Jaiden tries to flip the vote on me, but like no honey, not going to fly here. No one else votes for me and Nicole votes for Jaiden, so Nicole leaves 4-1-1. But like Jaiden, what are you doing honey, why are you purposefully throwing yourself under the bus, like okay Jaiden comes to me after his flop attempt to get me out and is like oh I asked to be voted out and I just threw my vote to you and I'm like not true, I call major bullshit on you. So as of now I don't trust Jaiden at all, he's a snake he can leave today for all I care. Fuck him, he's dead to me.

Whew, so we won immunity which is nice and now am safe for the round. I was going to make a long confessional at the swap about how I felt about my new tribe but like I got lazy so long story short I like kendall gavin sarah ashley (aka the returnees) lexi is cool but she gives me a weird vibe idk and Casey Liam and Whitney need to step it up. I hope Jaiden gets voted out tonight on the other tribe, that be nice.

I certainly love snakes. I take back everything I said positive about Sarah, Jordan Pines, and now Dom. I don't even know if I have said anything nice about Dom because I'm pretty sure that's when I was not fully trusting of him. I guess to just catch this up to speed, I got closer to Dom and he shared his idol clue with me. He told me so much about Jordan giving him tea in the game and it just makes things so much more evident to me that he's going to immediately hold things against me if I don't reciprocate the same amount of information. Telling Sarah about the idol clue AND THEN all of my alliances was deadly, because now I think she's gonna run around and expose all of that for the fun of it. She's a snake, I tell you, and she's gonna screw me if I don't screw her over first. I just realized I should stop talking game in general because the walls seem to have ears. I don't think I can trust the hosts with information either lmao since everything likes to just magically leak and fall into terrible people's laps. I'm done bitching, I'm done strategizing, and I think I'm done writing confessionals at this point. I have some fight left in me and I think I'm okay doing some damage going forward. 

I'm still here against my will send help

Buckle up... this one's a doozy... I'm writing this as I listen in on Sarah and Jordan with my appear.in strats. Actually, I'll brb

Jordan Pines I’m talking to ashley Sent on: 2:36 pm From: Jordan Pines she really likes you really? Sent on: 2:39 pm i really really like her, but i feel like i may have hurt our bond From: Jordan Pines how so? Sent on: 2:39 pm From: Jordan Pines cause she said this to me From: Jordan Pines when i was talking about a returnee alliance From: Jordan Pines [2017-02-11, 2:20:23 PM] Ashley Hudson: I love Gavin [2017-02-11, 2:20:29 PM] Jordan Pines: i don’t know him that well [2017-02-11, 2:20:32 PM] Jordan Pines: like we played hvv2 together [2017-02-11, 2:20:36 PM] Jordan Pines: but never were on the same tribe [2017-02-11, 2:20:40 PM] Ashley Hudson: Like legit he is my fave right now, he is hella loyal Ayyyye Sent on: 2:40 pm That makes me feel better then *Pats self on back*

What happened on the Karen vote: - I got Karen out of the game with some help - I got Alex to trust Kendall less - I got Kendall to trust Alex less - I got Ashley to trust me more - I got Alex to trust me more - I got Kendall to trust Alex and Ashley less All because Alex and I thought Karen wouldn't want us around long-term :) At this point in the game, we have now swapped and I feel like I am in good-standing on my new tribe right now. Pines and I talk all the time, with him having allowed me to listen in on his call with Sarah while sharing with me that he found the idol. Ashley trusts me even more than before, while I have begun to form a bond with Liam. Honestly, I see things going well on this tribe, and I am ensuring to continue to talk to my #1, Mr. Alex, who got separated from the rest of us returnee heroes during the swap :( Here's to the merge... that will hopefully be rather soon! Also... ha ha lol @everyone who picked Karen over me in their drafts *eyes emoji* This is why you don't add people last to a pre-existing alliance and then echo the exact words of an ally when responding to my messages :~)

This Tribal could not have gone better. Gavin and I were great and it seemed like we flipped for a different reason than we did. I feel bad about the aftermath; Kendall seemed really upset and I hope we can mend that bond for later. The swap however, could not have gone worse. I am the ONLY one in this entire game who doesn't have ANY of their original tribe members with them. So I've been scrambling to get a group together. Gavin on the other hand is great. The returning players on his tribe have an alliance together, so I really just need to get to the merge and be solid with him later. I'm on a tribe with the lovebirds too (Ruben and Alexis), so we'll see how things go with that; I know Ruben, along with Johnny Poteet, so maybe there's something I can do there. In the meantime, all I can do at this point is sit back, be nice, don't cause waves, and get to that merge.

I got the advantage from the reward. I scored 3 million on the damn thing; so if I didn't get it I'd be shocked. I'm playing a decently dominant game right now, it's pretty freaking amazing.

I love this challenge, it gets us creative. The problem with that is the tribemates I have do not want to talk. I can make us a video, I just need to get the videos made and decided, you know? It's extremely difficult to plan things out when people are not online.

Gavin told me that Dom has the idol, and that's frightening. Dom is definitely one of those guys who I really can't get a good read on and that's scary. I need to just befriend him at this point, what else can I do?

My reaction to Karen getting voted off: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SiylvmFI_8 What I told my tribe when we swapped: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbrbUfYSt0E What I actually meant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrMmfKByyks My reaction to dealing with our useless tribemates when we were trying to make the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo-oWc4uEPE Whoops sorry wrong link... I'll put the proper one here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FjWe31S_0g My reaction to our harsh judges: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYa1eI1hpDE My reaction to us winning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfYnvDL0Qcw And my plans for the future: I have nothing... so I put nothing. Wish me luck in the game! Because now I'm stuck with Jordan Pines. So in conclusion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GeCPanRHU0 God I love this series. Don't know why Count Olaf is the one telling us to look away, considering that he is such a sadistic bastard.

Whoops I put the wrong Chemical Romance song for, what I meant: Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORsFFjt1x6Q

Alright, so this new tribe is okay, I still have Gavin but lost Alex, but I have always trusted Gavin more so I mean that is a good thing. I now have Jordan Pines on my tribe, last time we worked together it was kind of forced by outside parties so I am hoping for this game we can actually work together by our own choice, and see how that goes. I know Casey irl, but she never talks on Skype, I don't really think she actually plays and is only here cuz Darian told her to. I mean that is okay, but how the fuck did she get this far. Kendall and I are still on rocky ground I think. I am kind of over her trying to get me out but se doesn't believe me for some reason? Like idk, she reads too much into things, I sent her smiley faces and she thought I was being passive aggressive.... which actually is usually the case but still. Lexi G..... Who? Liam.... Who? Sarah... playing another game with her rn, haven't really talked to her though so idk where that will go. Whitney... Who? From Maine... yet I don't know her... so.... Who?

The tribe's been so understanding and sweet about my situation. I feel like I can trust all the villains right now. I'll try to talk to Whitney and Liam. Maybe the newbies will try to work with each other. I still don't feel exactly safe on my tribe but I think if I play my cards right it won't be too difficult to secure my place in a solid alliance.

I am so happy we got a tribe swap. What's best is that Lexi and I are still together and now we have her boyfriend as well. It makes them look like big threats and the tribe could potentially want to vote one of them out sooner rather than later but I am completely loyal to them. It may look like I'm playing for third place but Lexi and Ruben seem like good people so I don't think they would just take advantage of me. It's a tribe of 9 so we only need two more people with us to have majority. Ruben mentioned working with Dom and Jaiden. I talked to both a little last night so I'm hopeful that we can get something solid together with them. Also, Lexi, Ruben, and I are looking for the idol together so even if we don't get someone else to work with us we have that to fall back on. These past few days have been great to Lexi and I. We went from being sitting ducks to finding new hope. Making it to the end together just seems more possible as the days go on.  

I've been inactive lately because I've been studying for midterms. I feel bad for not contributing anything to the challenge. We were close to winning so if more of us had participated we probably would've won. It sucks that I was busy this weekend and I hope this doesn't make me a target. Thankfully not many people did much for the challenge so I feel like I still have a chance. The biggest targets right now would probably be lexi and Ruben because of their relationship. They're my closest allies so I have to work hard to keep them safe. I've been going around talking to people. I'm trying to be strategic and approach everyone by linking an interest they have to lexi or Ruben so they won't vote for them. For example, with Julia, I brought up the fact that there's few girls left so we shouldn't vote for lexi and she agreed. Lexi Ruben and I are definitely voting together so we only need two more people. As long as we get them and no idol is played we should be good.

So my tribe lost and I kind of saw it coming. I mean half our tribe didn't even make a video for it lol. I only did because alex asked. I know people will probably want me or ruben out tonight since were a couple. I mean if I get voted out, it's whatever. ever since tribe swap I haven't really been paying attention because ive been busy. So I wont be blindsided lol. Hopefully myself,ruben,jaiden,robin and dom should be voting together and will have majority. But they haven't really said anything and I'm not gonna freak out about it. I'd rather vote johnny out just because I'm bitter towards him but I don't care whose name we write down honestly.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #165

“if you’re in danger, i’m here to save ya.”

Do you own a water gun? No. What item most embarrasses you to purchase? I wouldn't really know, I haven't bought much for myself... but I suppose probably some kind of sex toy. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Two meerkats grooming. It's on a huge thing of burlap. Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? "Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica, because she aaaalways says she wants the lyrics "my body lies, but still I roam" on her urn. I'm making goddamn sure that happens when she passes. Have you ever picked wild flowers? Yes. Have you ever walked through a forest? Yeah. Have you ever seen a mountain in person? Yes. Do you prefer jam or butter on your biscuits? Jam. Have you ever explored somewhere abandoned? Yes, but I wanna do it morrreee! Take my camera with me! This is exactly why I'm getting into exploration channels on YouTube, finding shit like this. I'm addicted to Sam & Colby because of this. Where is the last place you went to as a tourist? Chicago. What country do you most want to travel to? Germany. Do you have a garden? No. Have you ever kept a physical, hand-written journal? Yeah. Have you ever caught a butterfly in your hands? I know I've picked up injured ones as a kid, dunno about otherwise. Are there any interesting landmarks where you live? Not that I can think of. Which fairytale is your favorite? I'mma throw hands if you say Shrek isn't one. Which mythological deity or creature is your favorite? Dragons. Which type of muffin is your favorite? Chocolate chip. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel. Do you prefer iced tea or hot tea? Iced coffee or hot coffee? Hate both. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? Nooo, not a fan. Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? No. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. Onion rings or french fries? The latter. I am /picky/ with onion rings, but usually don't like them. Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? I've been told so when I'm hyper. Who is the best cook that you know? I don't know. I guess Jason was? His initial career path was chef, and he was in fact great at it. What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can't juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Swing. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? 7-something pounds? When you do a puzzle do you find all the edges first? Do some people not??? (If you sleep with the tv on) what’s usually on tv when you wake up? N/A Who was the last person to ask you to hang out? Did you agree to hang out with them? Colleen, and no. Have you ever had to take a stool or urine test? Why did you have to do this? I've had way too many UTIs because I used to drink literally zero water, so. Before my surgery, they needed a sample too to ensure I wasn't pregnant. Is there a food that you eat basically every day? What food is that? No. Do you have Oovoo? No. Do you know anyone who has ever been in a movie? Who and what movie were they in? What was their part? No. Do you know anyone who has had salmonella? Did you ever have it yourself? What about e coli? No. When was the last time you brought a pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? Last winter when we had to put Cali down. A tumor on her spleen ruptured and filled her body with so much blood that she almost couldn't breathe as her lungs were running out of room to expand. She also had some kind of mass on her liver that was probably causing more issues. Name something that you used to do with your family that you no longer do with them or at all: Trick-or-treating. Who was the last member of your extended family to visit? Where were they visiting from? Grammy and her husband. They were heading back down to Florida. Have you bought any new clothes in the past week? Nope. At what age do you think you’ll be ready to have children? Never. If I wanted kids, mid-20s/late-20s, probably. How many children would you like? Once more, if, two, or even just one. I'd really want my child to have a sibling at least somewhat near in age, but I don't know if I could handle two. Is there anyone in your friendship group that your parents don’t like? Not anymore. Have your grandparents ever asked you about your love/sex life? No. Have you ever been diagnosed with anything unexpected, mental or physical illness? How did you finally find out? Hm... I think everything I've had was at least somewhat expected. Like, I knew something was wrong. The most surprising though was I suppose inactive MRSA after my surgery and the incision re-opened to heal on its own for seven damn months. ACTUALLY, vertigo was random as hell. I started experiencing it and went to the doc. Where do you like to sit when you’re on the computer? In bed. What is the biggest decision you’ve made in the past year? Return back to school. Would you rather hike through the desert, the prairies, the forest, or the tundra? The prairies. If you could reconnect with someone from your past, who would it be and why? Megan. We were absolute best friends, and hopefully she's grown up by now. What movie/show "emotionally scarred" you as a kid? Courage The Cowardly Dog. Watched it anyway lmao. What’s your favorite flavor of jello? Strawberry, probably. Have you ever been thrown out of the movies? No. What would you do if you found out you were moving to Tennessee? I wouldn't complain, Tennessee is beautiful. My brother lives there anyway, and I haven't seen him in years. What does your favorite hair tie/accessory look like? I don't wear any. Do you have a favorite kind of milk? 2%, whole, etc? 2%, maybe. Do you have a favorite drummer? No. Are there any symbols that have personal meaning to you? i.e: dice, a necklace, etc. What are they? Not off the top of my head. What’s the biggest spider you’ve come across? Writing spiders. Have you ever been bitten by anything venomous? No. Do you know anyone who has been knighted? No. Which Mario game would you say is your favorite? That is, if you even like Mario? I've only really played Mario Kart. The others don't interest me. Do you have a deviantART account? Yes. Have you ever had acne? If not, you’re so lucky. I did through puberty, of course. Mine was rough then. It stopped when I was about 19. Now I just have the occasional blemish or two when I'm on my period. Ever walked into a facility of the opposite gender - like restrooms? I did once in elementary school on a work day (teachers come to get shit done; Mom was an assistant teacher) with my friends lol. Ever lost your car in the parking lot? If so, did you use your car alarm to find it again? Don't have my own car. I don't even know if Mom's ever had a car with an alarm. Has there ever been a Christmas where you had to do without gifts-wise? No. Do you type with capital letters and proper punctuation? So this is super weird: It's actually whatever I find aesthetically pleasing wherever it's being written, as well as what "voice" sounds more appropriate??? But I usually write properly. Honestly, do you think that you’re going to be an overprotective parent? Hypothetically once again, I know I would be. The world's evil. What was the last kind of chips you ate? Hot fries. What is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Economics so I could actually know how the fuck to handle money. What brings out the worst in you? Treating me like a child that knows nothing. How many friends do you have that don’t smoke? Idk. There's only one friend I see even rarely, and he doesn't though. Doesn’t it drive you nuts when people think they ‘need’ to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. You need to learn that you're not an unfinished puzzle. You're complete on your own. Some people were really destructive as a child, were you? No. On average, how many songs do you listen to in a day? This greatly varies. Do you ever buy your pet(s) birthday or Christmas presents? Always. Do you think your current relationship will last forever? No exaggeration, no over-optimistic thinking, yes. One thing you promised yourself you’d never do and then did? Attempt suicide. Are you more scared of going to the doctors or dentists? Doctors. Have you ever rolled off your bed in your sleep? No. Who is the most overrated singer? Uhhh. I dunno. Maybe Ed Sheeran. What is your greatest weakness? I guess how insecure I am. Do you have any pets that you had since you were born? No. Favorite undersea creature? Seahorses. Favorite type of chocolate? Milk. What toys did you play with as a child? Plastic animals, Pokemon figures, Barbies or Bratz if Nicole wanted to, stuffed animals... What types of music do you listen to? Loads of different kinds of metal. I'm finding I'm really getting into indie as well. What, without fail, makes you cry? Mark crying for any reason be it sadness or joy I am pathetic. What makes a movie really enjoyable for you? Well thought-out, interesting plots and charismatic characters. Name a game you are really good at. Shadow of the Colossus. The most childish part of your personality? I can occasionally be a bit of a brat if something I'm serious about doesn't go my way oops. What did you last put on a piece of toast? Butter, cinnamon, and sugar. Have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight? No. Do you enjoy corn on the cob? YES, though my lip ring makes it a pain. Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes for someone underage? No. If you use Snapchat, have you ever had a screenshot taken of you? N/A When in a waiting room, how do you pass the time? Mess around on my phone. Usually wander through Pinterest. What was the last brutally honest comment you made about someone? I'm not sure. What is your favorite thing to do with just one friend? Go out to eat and talk. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe? By who? Jason may have, but I don't remember. Are you prone to paranoia? YUP. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? Mom and Jason. Accidentally dropped the one Mom gave me down the drain semi-recently, then Jason's broke within a few weeks. Kept the jewel for a while but eventually threw it out. What was the most stressful project you had so far while in school? Jesus, when I was still in a game design class and we had to read the most fucking boring book and then do some analysis shit of it. Who in your family are you closest to? Mom. In your opinion, what is the scariest natural disaster? Earthquakes, maybe. Or tornadoes. What time of the day is the best for you? I'm usually in my best mood in the morning. Do you have an electric toothbrush? No. Have you ever had to board up your windows because of a hurricane? No. What do you think about employers checking on personal sites before hiring employees? Sometimes I actually think it's a good idea, other times no??? Like you can get important details of someone by looking at what they post, but at the same time, social media doesn't always portray someone that well. You can get the wrong idea. Have you ever visited anyone in a rehab? No. Ice in your drink: yes or no? No. Do you prefer getting money, gift cards, or an actual gift on your birthday? Money. When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Long time ago, and I guess. What was the last job you applied for? Ummm I'm not sure. Oh, I think for newborn photography. Do you have any mild food allergies? No. Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good? My younger sis. Last person to make you seriously mad? Colleen. How is your mom? Stressed, always. Do you like going through old photos and recalling memories? Depends on the picture. And time. What movie coming out are you most excited to see? Why? The live-action The Lion King because it's my favorite movie. What song really gets to your heart and inspires you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy. Do you see a lot of stray animals around your home? No. Do you have fireflies around where you live, or do you wish you did? In the area, yes, but we don't really see them in my yard much. Did you used to do Easter egg hunts when you were a child? Yes. Have you ever bought anybody a mug? Omg, I found one that said, "Be nice, I'm in control of your happy pills" in this random store once and I HAD to get it for my psychiatrist. He's not supposed to accept presents, so we just pretended it was from mom lol. He has it on his desk. Do you believe in divorce? In cases such as abuse, infidelity, or other pretty serious issues, yes, but I usually don't advise divorce. Communicate like mature adults and fix what you got married for. Who taught you the most valuable lesson in life and what was that lesson? "Deal with the past or the past deals with you," maybe. My Holly Hill teacher taught me a million lessons that greatly affected my outlook on many components to a healthy life. Have you ever fallen into a hole or crevice whilst hiking? While getting to fishing spots with Dad, my foot may have slipped through rocks or something. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? One that I remember. He took me out to lunch one day when I was still struggling with Jason to just talk to me about relationship stuff. I cherish that memory dearly. In YOUR eyes, which of the three is the most dangerous, and which is the least: Marijuana, Alcohol, Cigarettes? Alcohol, then I'm not sure. Marijuana has a lot of dangers people like to ignore, but then again, it has some health benefits while cigs have none. What is the nerdiest thing that you own? Probably the big Illidan poster I have beside my bed lul. What is the preppiest thing that you own? *shrug* If you are popular, have you ever wondered what it would be like to have no friends? What do you think it might be like? I already just about have none, and it's lonely as fuck. If you are a loner, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be popular? What do you think it might be like? No. I don't seek popularity, just not such a lack of company. Every tattoo has a story behind it; if you have any, what are the stories behind yours? My semicolon butterfly is tribute to both the butterfly and semicolon projects. "Ohana" is obvious. "How rare and beautiful it is to even exists" just speaks deeply to me as someone who wanted to die for years. "Perfectly flawed" also means a lot to me and comes from an Otep song of the same name. "You're awful... I love you!" written in Sara's handwriting I adore because we pretty much call each other evil all the damn time all the while loving each other. :') Who do you know that has a particularly funny or annoying laugh? HA ME I HATE IT. Is there anything you do that is annoying to your friends or family? Oh, I'm sure. I'm told all the time by people to make myself at home when I'm at someone else's house standing like a statue, for one. I do this sooo much, even a bit at my sister's house when it comes to wanting a drink or something. My pacing makes people anxious, I'm told constantly. Sure there's more. What is the most number of sodas that you have drank in one day? I. DON'T WANT. TO KNOW. Until two-three months ago, I lived mostly off soda, and I do NOT know how I didn't gain weight from it. Now I absolutely refuse to go past two, but usually only get one. The idea of drinking as much as I did almost makes me nauseous. Have you ever gone through a period of mass weight-gain/weight-loss? What was that time like for you? Well first Paxil made me gain weight, but I quit it and did WiiFit all summer and lost 40 pounds. I was so proud of myself. Then, I was put on Abilify when I had no need to be, and let's not say how much it made me gain because my then-doctor was a fucking idiot that thought I was doing something terribly wrong and kept me on it, not knowing the side effects. :^) My current psychiatrist was lost entirely as to why I'd been prescribed it, and he immediately connected my weight gain to it because it *murders* metabolism. Was taken off it immediately, boom, started to melt weight with no change to my diet for quite a while. I'm still far from my normal weight. I could write a novel on how this was/is for me, but I'll just say I'm bitter as fuck and ~so~ confident in my shit body. (: If you have one, do you and your significant other have a similar taste in music? Yes. Longest plane ride you’ve ever been on? I'm sure to Michigan, but I don't remember how long it was. I was a kid. Favorite kind of bean? I absolutely loathe beans. I can't even swallow them. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada, realistically. I'd love to live in Germany, but that would be much different from where I am now and would require learning an entire new language. I like Canada anyway. Does it bother you when people call you ‘ma'am’ or 'sir?’ No, it's polite...? Did you partake in senior skip days? Yup. Would you ever consider having an abortion? If my life was endangered, yes, and if - God forbid - I was raped, I possibly would because of how scarring that would be. I've said before I think pregnancy would legitimately be traumatic to me, and if it was because of that, I couldn't even begin to imagine. Have you ever lived in an apartment before? I've told the Jason & co. story before. I also stayed with Colleen for at least a month when I was technically homeless, and she was in an apartment then. Have you ever been questioned by the police? No. Have you ever been to an amusement park out of state? Yeah. Have you ever been responsible for someone’s death? Yeesh, no. Do you know a lot about serial killers? No. Have the police ever been looking for you? HAHAHAHA YES. When I went to the beach one time, my sister, a friend, and I went walking along the shore one night and apparently Mom didn't hear us mention it. Freaked the fuck out and called them to find us. Sorry, Mom. Where do you get most of your accessories from? *shrugs* Maybe HotTopic? Do you know how to shoot a gun and hit a target? No. Are you a good listener? It's complicated. I try very hard to be, but even with people I seriously care about, my mind can wander. But I really try. What was the last bad thing to happen to you? Serious, continuous loneliness. The last good thing to happen to you? I guess finding out I don't have hypoglycemia. Do you think today’s youth is being corrupted/messed up because of TV? It depends on what they watch. Some things they of course shouldn't see, but people tend to take it too far. Have your parents supported every decision you’ve made? I'm sure they haven't. Do you like to listen to rock music/screamo music when you’re angry/upset? Lol did you really just group rock and screamo up???? I'm pretty much always listening to metal or rock. I don't like purely screamo. Are you embarrassed to tell your parents you love them around your friends? Not at all. It bothers me immensely when it does bother people. What’s your favorite sappy/romantic song? Shit, I dunno. I'm a sucker for a lot. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Not legally, to my knowledge. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? Sight. Hearing almost ties it. Have you ever dated someone who posted a ton of selfies on social media? No, but why does that matter??? Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don't think so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? They're divorced. Mom fucking hates Dad, while he's totally over it. When was the last time you attended a religious service of any sort? Well over a year ago. Do you ever feel like you're sharing too much about yourself online? Eh, nah. Are you on good or bad terms with your most recent ex? Good. What was the last necklace you wore? A spiked choker. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin's works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Oh boy. I'd say it'd be personal to each person. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we're able to perceive? Maybe. What was the last carbonated drink you had? I think Mtn. Dew. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? Yes, my half-sister. What light in your house was the last to have a bulb burn out? Living room. Have you ever been fired? If so, did you get unemployment benefits? No. Never really worked long enough to be. Do any of your neighbors have loud children? No. Have you ever been in an abandoned house? No, we were too scared to go past the doorway lol. What's your favorite YouTube channel? UM Markiplier????????????????????? Do you go to church? No. If so, what denomination is it?  N/A What is your favorite thing to make wishes on? Just birthday candles. Don't believe that does anything, but. C'mon, you gotta. What is your favorite phase of the moon? Full, duh!! What is your favorite way to get high, if applicable? N/A Which name do you like best: Cora, Flora, Dora, or Laura? Laura. If applicable, what is your favorite version of the Bible to read? N/A Are you contemplating/debating something right now? No. Have you ever had a book completely come unbound from its cover? Childhood books, probs. What design is on your shower curtain? Blue and white waves, I think?? I clearly pay attention to something I see every day. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? To like a million in German. Where would you like to be buried? Cremate me, please. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture? Quiiite a lot in our old house. Do you think abortion should be illegal? No. Do you know how to double-dutch? I did as a kid. I couldn't jump into it, though.