#only to go back and pay another 200 to be given more medication to pay for out of pocket that doesn’t even work

[mcskullykins]

I’m terrified of being firedddddd my double ear infection isn’t getting better it’s been a week now and it’s only gotten worse hhhhh

[musea-reviews]

Japanmuseum SieboldHuis

(Japan Museum Siebold House) ‘’Japan and The Netherlands are closer than you think’’

Location: Leiden, South-Holland, The Netherlands Price: 10,- / students 6,- Duration: 1,5 - 3 hours Transport: about 10-minute walk from Leiden station Language: Dutch, Japanese, English, German Activities: Audio tour, Japanese history Date of visit: 26 April 2023Website

Only Holland is allowed Japan was a closed-off island, not interested in trading with the rest of the world, except for China. When the Dutch were busy sailing all over the world looking for more trade, they stumbled upon Japan in 1598 and became the first country outside of China that Japan traded with. So in 1641, they build a small island called Deshima (出島) where the Dutch traders and scholars could stay. Deshima grew into a big city now known as Nagasaki, the small location that was Deshima is now a museum where the village still looks the same as it did all those years ago. 

The Spaniards and Portuguese already tried to trade with Japan but to no luck, as they got banned from the island, the Dutch VOC remained the only Western country they traded with for almost 200 years. They traded not only objects but also knowledge, therefor Dutch became the scientific language of Japan, and scholars had to learn Dutch. Just like we now use Latin or English. After 1850 Japan started also allowing other countries to trade, but because of this history, Japan and The Netherlands are still very close.

Since Deshima was such a popular spot in Japan, they also decided to build another Dutch village, but modern, called Huis ten Bosch close to Nagasaki.

Siebold’s personal collection This museum was Philipp Franz von Siebold’s personal work. Born in Germany into a family of doctors and biologists, he grew up the same and went to good schools in the Netherlands and Germany. He quickly became very recognized for his work and because his dad was already a very good doctor. In 1822, he was asked at the age of only 23 if he wanted to go on a voyage of discovery to Japan. Siebold was a big fan of Japan and the goal of his trip was to learn about the culture, plants, and animals. This sounds like a dream to him, since he's very passionate. You can see this passion in the museum. The thing I love most is that he actually started this museum, when he came back home he put all the most beautiful things in his home and started the Japan Museum. Just like it is today, in the same location, in his house, his objects. Most of the objects were bought, found (in the case of plants) or given. Some given as gifts from Japanese scholars and students, and some gifted as payment for his medical help. 

Siebold himself as tour guide The museum itself was very dark to preserve the objects, I thought it looked calming. The tour through the museum starts with a short movie about who Siebold is, because he had a diary they know a lot about him. It is spoken through his character like he is telling you about his trip, and throughout the museum the audio tour is the same voice, Siebold showing you around the things he finds fascinating. It just makes it all a bit more personal this way. The floors upstairs were closed that week since they were building a new exposition, so I could only look around downstairs. I will have to come back later. The museum also has a small garden with Siebolds statue and some plants he took with him from Japan that h planted in his garden. Some objects from Siebold have been put in other museums, like some taxidermied animals have been put in Naturalis and some plants have been planted in the botanical garden, both of these museums also on Leiden. 

Would I pay the price: yes, I think the price fits the museum perfectly, maybe even cheap but i have only seen the museum partly. Would I revisit it: Definitely, since I missed some. Who do I recommend it to: Japanese tourists, people interested in Japanese history. 

Interactive:         2 Educational:       4 Storytelling:        4 Price:                 4 Memorable:       4

Total score:        3,6

[scartale-an-undertale-au]

With everything happening to Israel, I hope you’re ok

thank you :D i’m fortunately mostly safe from what’s happening. i only had a siren once and heard the booms only several times and i don’t live near the areas where the riots and lynches are happening.

here is my rant about the situation

sadly, though, i do have to read a lot of posts from ignorant people who clearly haven’t done any research into the situation (i.e. don’t live in it, didn’t watch the israeli news, or plain just believes whatever pallywood posts). i don’t have much influence sadly but i have to make things clear to people who might be confused - the situation began because of people unbelieving that they live in a society and do, in fact, have to act like it. it started in six houses where the residents were evicted because they weren’t paying rent for decades despite the agreements and somehow they turned it into a international thing. then rioters were throwing rocks from the mosque and running into it when the soldiers came and were like ‘how dare they go into a holy place’ while they cowardly threw rocks from a mosque* on ramadaan like, wow, talk about desecrating a holy place. 

and ofc the whole hamas shooting thousands of rockets into israel, with a third of its rockets landing in gaza killing many gazans. idf attacking high profile hamas operators and warning citizens of the buildings they were going to bomb because what a surprise, hamas hides behind its citizens and then blames it on israel. we literally have a history of giving medical treatment to gazans, i don’t know how else to tell people that we give a crap. because we could have literally erased gaza from the earth. also the reason they dont have electricity? one of the rockets hit the power line. karma is a bitch but sadly it harms the citizens more than the actual bastards in hamas. btw, those rockets? those tunnels that they built to get into israel? all those villas to the leaders? where do you think the money came from? they came from all the money that was given for the citizens. the citizens saw none of it.

also, anyone calling gaza an open air prison is an idiot who never opened an atlas because they think all gaza’s borders are in israel.

well, boo boo, wrong! its southern border is with *drums roll* egypt. which, btw, actually blocks the border from anything. so, like, once again, israel gets the heat for being pushovers, great.

we had sadly jews attacking and lynching on arabs and that something that should never have happened and i’ll never be happy that those things happened. but it didn’t happen in a bubble. it wasn’t also the only kind of attacks that happened. arabs attacking and lynching on cars, on people. they burned down synagogues! they burned down holy places with torah scrolls that were destroyed and the pictures literally look like the  Kristallnacht in 1938. one time, an arab saw it happening and managed to save the torah scrolls and omg, what an amazing guy. but still, so many holy scriptures were burnt and destroyed. the images are horrifying and i’m crying by just remembering. because israel is supposed to be the place jews would feel safe finally. we were supposed to be safe from progroms, from lynching, from our holy places being treated like firewood.

you have the right extremities attacking arabs, and you have jews unable to decide if they should stay at their homes during a siren and risk being hit by a rocket or brave the mamad (bunker) with their arab neighbors that are suddenly hostile to the point of attacking.

israel was never perfect. we have so much to improve and racism is still an issue. but also remember that we are less than 75 years old. it took the usa over 200 years to even begin to deal with its racism. we had to deal with so many wars just to exist and we don’t have the benefit of the sea as a barrier. you can literally drive down south and suddenly find yourself in jordan.

but the fact that the world immediately decided that we’re the bad guys no matter how much we strive to do good and for peace despite everyone wanting us gone (not in a different state, gone. dead. in the goddamn sea.).

the world is treating the palestinians like little babies who can do no harm. i hate to break it to them, but they can and did do a whole lot of harm. a lot of israeli arabs have helped israeli jews in so many cases in the past and present. a lot of medical professionals are arabs. they came to help after the tragedy in meron mountain. a lot of amazing stories of them being kind and true brethren. a lot of stories of co-existing. but they were literally crumbled down to nothing when suddenly the mixed cities began exploding with lynches and attacks and just pure terror. bedouins blocking one of the main roads to be’er sheba. electricity boxes being destroyed, leaving many people (mainly israeli jews) without it and no batteries or internet

i’m ranting now because if i have to read another post crying over palestinians children being harmed and then sneering at israeli people for existing and wishing for their deaths, i will literally go to them to shoot their legs myself (don’t know how, but i will) because children are already showing signs of extreme ptsd, of anxiety. the south (especially the area around the border with gaza) had been dealing with constant rockets for 20 years. children grow up so traumatized they can’t be soldiers because the sound of a gun going off sends them into a panic attack.

like, the usa is asking israel and hamas to have a cease fire, but it keeps basically looking at israel to back down and i’m so in the mood to say ‘no. i say, get the citizens out and just raze the place down’ even if it’s impossible to actively do. i’m done with sjw thinking they’re so woke and amazing for supporting the palestinians while they’re actually supporting the destruction of israel over all and the jews in particular.

because guess what? antisemitism have never been more in fashion.

(i’m sorry for going off on an adorable anon wanting to see me safe, but thank you for letting me go off like that. i needed to rant. also, anyone spreading hate should be ashamed)

p.s. anyone wanting to rant about apartheid or occupied territory, go open a dictionary or a history book on what actual apartheid is and then go check the archeological evidence of jews having occupied the land of israel before islam was a thing and even before christianity was a thing. especially how the dome of the rock was built on the temple mount. on top of what used to be the holy temples for the jews. you also always had jews living in israel in small numbers. we were never truly gone from the land of israel.

p.s.s. a good video i found that summarizes mostly well is ‘geography now-israel’. it’s not perfect but it gets the point across.

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game - CH132

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

-----

Chapter 132: The Dream of the Holy Nun (XXII)

To be or not to be?

This is really a simple choice.

But at that moment, this choice was extremely difficult.

Qi Leren slowly closed his eyes. He couldn't reveal his emotions. At this moment, his heart was beating so fast that an emotion that could be called ecstasy surged in his mind.

He had a great opportunity.

Originally he didn't even have one in ten thousand possibilities, but now, he did.

He needed acting ability, 200% acting ability, just like when he played Red.

Qi Leren took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes.

Those brown eyes revealed the human struggle. He moved his lips, as if he wanted to question Su He about why he did this, but in the end the bitter accusations all turned into a trembling in his eyes. His eyes, his expression, and his shaking fingertips were filled with the desire to live.

For a moment, Su He almost thought he was going to give in, but he shivered suddenly, took a step back, and looked at the closed stone door. He seemed ashamed of his weak will, so he wanted to look in the direction he had come, wanted to escape and ask for help, but he knew that he couldn’t escape his fate. Finally, he only turned around in despair, shame, and helplessness, and looked at Su He again.

They stared at each other for a long time. The Devil's scarlet eyes were only interested in observing the human, while the observed humans had too many emotions, from resistance to struggle, from hesitation to compromise, and finally it turned into deep despair and he began to cry.

Those beautiful brown eyes closed, and when they opened again there was only an empty desire to live.

The Devil smiled and looked at him with encouragement, but he stopped looking at the Devil. He was still suffering for his weakness, so he didn't dare to look at him.

Trembling, he took the first step towards his journey.

Descent begins with this small step.

After this step, there was numbness, compromise, and submission.

He had come to the Devil King, quietly looking at the goblet filled with the Devil’s blood in his hand. If he drank this cup of the Devil's blood he could gain great power, but at the same time would degenerate into a demon.

The human being lured by the Devil King took the goblet with both hands. The blood in the goblet was like wine. He stared at the red liquid his Adam's apple rolled.

The Devil smiled.

The goblet tilted, the glass pressed on his lips, and the bright red liquid was about to catch his lips, but another transparent liquid rolled down from his eyes first. The humble man’s brown eyes gazed at the Devil, wept silently, and silently swallowed the temptation from hell.

The moment the blood flowed into his mouth, the transformation had already started. His brown eyes became scarlet and the devil sigil climbed over his cheek from his earlobe, leaving a thorn-like mark. Black wings sprouted from his back and pierced his clothes. They were as beautiful as a black swan’s, like an angel who had fallen from heaven.

The new demon held the empty goblet in his hand and his blood-red lips parted slightly, looking at his master.

"You look like an naive and innocent lover, beautiful but so enjoyable to see destroyed." The Devil King leaned down, kissed the forehead of his beloved demon in reward, and whispered softly, "From today on, your name is 'Depravity'."

The devil's blood slipped from the new "fallen’s" lips, and the viscous scarlet liquid flowed down his chin and fell to the earth.

At the moment when the blood fell to the ground, a violent explosion engulfed the two people who stood opposite each other, and they vanished in an instant.

　　&&&

In the scenes where reality and illusion were interweaved, countless illusions passed by the two people pitted in combat -  demons crawling in the lava of hell growled, blazing angels falling from heaven prayed, and the holy light and the demonic energy intertwined together, overturning large areas of trees and even distorting this space, making the two people fighting seem to be in another time and space.

The land under the Witch of Jealousy's feet had turned into a burning hell where countless demons hatched from evil and were shot through by the unreal blazing angels one by one. The witch looked at Ning Zhou with red eyes hidden behind he black veiled hat, with a smile on her mouth: "Are you in a hurry? Are you worried? Is it for Qi Leren? I remember him. He gave me my sister's things in the underground palace. He is really a kind and good man. I should thank him..."

"He has a pair of beautiful eyes, brown, but my Lord thinks red eyes are more suitable for him." The Witch of Jealousy’s scarlet eyes flashed, maliciousness pouring out from her painted red lips, "As long as they drink the blood given by my Lord, ordinary human beings can easily become demons just like me and get unimaginable power. You see, you’ve been studying hard in the Holy See for so many years, but I’m tied with you. No one can refuse the temptation of strength, no one.

"He’s going to betray you, poor knight, he’s going to betray you!" The witch laughed madly, shrill laughter with hysteria.

Ning Zhou, who was intercepted by another demon, waved off the giant demon and landed lightly on a rock in the hellish lava. He said coldly to the witch, "You’re jealous."

The witch's laughter came to an abrupt end and the smile that died on her mouth slowly turned into anger: "What do you know?"

At this moment, the Witch of Jealousy perfectly interpreted the appearance of jealousy. She stepped forward on the lava and said sharply in a distorted voice: "You don't know anything! I was so careful, so I walked on the edge of the cliff with every step and climbed out of hell little by little, just to see him again. I tried my best to reach what I am today, but it happened that some people are so lucky that they could easily ascend to heaven. He likes him, praises him, seduces him... Why, why is my Lord so fond of him?!”

The witch's anger triggered the illusion of hell and the lava turned into flames and shot at Ning Zhou. The two knives in Ning Zhou's hands crossed and he stood in front of her, but he rushed past regardless - the magma was split by holy light and his sharp knives passed through the furious lava and appeared in front of Isabel.

The angry witch smiled grimly and raised her sword to stab him.

The angels and demons in the false image collided together and a magnificent disillusionment broke out from them.

Suddenly the boiling magma died down, the shaking earth died down, and even the surging night wind died down.

Among the hills where the Vatican was located, there were only sacred songs and music coming as if from nowhere under the bright starry sky, compassionate and holy.

Blood flowed down the tip of the thin sword, trickling into the fertile soil, and the two people who were so close that there was almost no distance between them stood motionless, then suddenly separated.

The thin sword had pierced Ning Zhou's abdomen, but the short knives had penetrated the witch's chest.

More and more blood flowed down.

Isabel's black veiled hat had fallen to the ground, revealing her dim scarlet eyes. Covering her chest, blood streaming through her fingertips from her beating heart.

She seemed shocked, but the surprise gradually turned into self-mockery and loneliness. A gust of wind blew and she slowly fell down, looking at the night sky with her eyes empty.

"It's too late..." the Witch of Jealousy murmured. "Even if you go there, it's too late. He doesn't belong to you... You’ve lost him..."

Ning Zhou stepped forward and came to her. Blood flowed out from his abdominal wound, but he didn't feel it.

Blood was trickling from Isabel’s mouth. She looked him in the eye and asked dreamily, "Do you know the taste of jealousy?"

The bloody knife hung over her head, and the blood trickled down the blade and fell on her forehead.

The witch looked into his eyes and showed an understanding smile: "Ah, that’s the taste."

The knife fell and pierced the witch's head, and her demon crystal was broken in the holy light.

The demons condensed from rocks disintegrated, and the illusion of the dying demons screamed silently and dissipated in the night sky. The space dominated by the witch was gradually restored to be in line with reality. The ghostly angels stayed in the void for a while, bowed to the broken church on the top of the hill, and then disappeared into the night of the new moon.

Ning Zhou coughed softly, but the movement of the lungs disturbed his abdominal wound, making the blood flow faster. He leaned partially against a half-fallen tree, took a deep breath, and bandaged himself with a straight face.

After only doing the simplest medical treatment, and even having no time to clean up the demon energy that had infected his body through the wound, Ning Zhou hastily put on his clothes and ran towards the church on the top of the hill.

White gauze was quickly dyed red, but Ning Zhou’s training had accustomed him to being injured and he numbly adapted to this degree of pain. He had to go quickly, quickly…

There was an earth-shattering noise and the church on the top of the hill began crumbling.

Ningzhou's footsteps stopped, and his heartbeat seemed to stop with the explosion.

As his chest stuttered, blood gas rolled up from the depths of the throat and Ning Zhou spat out one mouthful of stagnated blood. The pain that he should have been used to was overpowered by the feeling of his heart breaking. He wiped the blood from his mouth, dyeing the silver cross embroidery on his gloves red with blood.

God, if I am guilty, please let all the harsh punishments come on me, even if I have to pay for it in hell for all eternity.

Please, bless him and let him be safe.

-----

The author has something to say:

Although the author thinks that the plot is quite clear, there are still many girls who don't understand it. Simply put: Su He is the Devil of Fraud, male (three years ago, he appeared in the appearance of a woman during the Witchcraft Sacrifice). His status has changed from before, but he was originally a player. There are witches and demons like Isabel under his hand, and there will be other devils/witches acting under others outside. The master of the Witch of Nightmares (the little girl who was like Maria) is not the Devil of Fraud, but the old Devil.

The Nightmare World is equivalent to another real alien world. It is not surprising for either NPCs or human beings to become Devil Kings. For example, it is also possible for someone to aspire to the Holy See and become the Pope after decades of hard work (provided that they are not dead).

At the same level as Su He, there are also the Devil King of Power and the Devil King of Slaughter. The relationship between these three people is not peaceful, and we will talk about it later; It was not them who were killed by Maria, Ning Zhou's mother. It was the old Devil who led the demons to invade the underworld for the first time more than 20 years ago. After he died, it was peaceful for more than 10 years. Three years ago, the text began, and three new Devil Kings led the demons to invade the human world for the second time.

Is it clear =v=

-----

Editor’s Notes: To take this opportunity to clear some things up a bit more, so far “Devil”, “Devil King”, and occasionally “Lord” have been used interchangably, though some devils who are of lower rank will appear in part 2. So among the Devil Kings we have the Devil of Fraud aka Su He, the Devil of Slaughter who was worshipped by the secret society in the previous arc, and the Devil of Power who has yet to appear in any notable capacity. All three of them are currently at the same level but are vying for supremacy, which was why Su He wanted the old Devil’s demon crystal. I would like to also clarify that despite being called Kings, not all of them are men.

Details about the old Devil will become much more clear in part 2, but for now all you need to know is that he was the former supreme ruler of the demons who was killed by Maria. :)

-----

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Random tips for homonyms (words that sound the same)

+There He is standing over there by the clown-dunking station. (Location)

+Their That is their opinion / That is their luggage.

+They're (They are) The Conroys are coming today, they're going to be another hour or so.

+Here "The second sock is right here" Mum said, exasperated. (Location)

+Hear To use your ears / Stop shouting,m you know I can hear you, right?

+Heard I heard a rumour that you were into sparkly unicorns that shoot fire?

+Herd A large group of animals. The zebra herd moved together across the river, there must have been at least 200 animals.

+Bare Naked - He was bare as the day he was born. Carried - He could bare the burden a few miles longer, so his mother did not have to.

+Bear (Animal) Big growly animal. Looks like it wants pets, does not. Do not try to pet them.

+Lone Janice was by herself, feeling alone and uncertain / There was a lone lemon left on stand at the end of the day.

+Loan I received a small loan of 10 million dollars from my father, to set up my own business. You could say I'm a self-made man.

+Hair On your head. Her hair was a disaster, caked in mud and a live rabbit struggling to get free from the back. The other models slowed in shock at seeing her on the catwalk.

+Hare (Animal) Unlike their cousins the rabbits, hares are 100% more ready to kick your ass given the slightest hint of weakness. They can smell fear. Good Luck.

+To He is going to the store to buy bleach. He has passed the item to the cashier.

+Two There was one person in the bathroom, and another in the lounge room. There were two people in the house... but only one lived there. You should probably go out the bathroom window, Mary.

+Too Like 'also'. I would like to come and watch the execution too, Grandma.

+Bored The class was dragging on, and Jimothy could not focus one bit. They were understimulated, bored out of their mind, and fairly certain the clock on the wall was running backwards to spite them.

+Board Plank of wood. Brayna shook with nerves as she shuffled the length of the diving board; jutting out into the air, 10 metres above the pool. The crowd roared in anticipation of her jump; she hoped not to disappoint them.

+Meet Karen was itching to meet with the Manager, to have this little upstart on the register fired. How dare the child ask her to pay extra for the meal upgrade to an extra-large combo?!

+Meat Beef, lamb, chicken, fish, technically even humans are just made of meat. Dinner consisted of three vegetables and a piece of unseasoned meat; this was the last time Rahul would eat at Toby's house.

+Through With the cave entrance blocked, and pitch darkness before them, Kylira realised that the only way out was to go through the tunnel system. They hoped that whatever was breathing on their neck was benevolent.

+Threw Michael threw the football to his father, smiling easily and joking alongside the other men in the family. Finally, he was accepted for who he was... Dad had even called him 'Mikey' today, for the first time.

+Register The cash register in the supermarket is where the items and their costs are tallied up, so that the customer knows how much they have to spend to keep living this week. The

+Registrar Benny was one of the registrars for the Dept of Births, Deaths and Marriages. His job required he made certain information was recorded on the official lists, and kept with appropriate privacy/confidentiality. Ophelia was a hospital registrar, she had finished her medical schooling and was doing on-the-job-learning under Dr Dunklevisson, in the Cardiac unit. She hoped to be a specialist one day.

+Break Chad understood he would not be playing the next few games due to his injury. He also knew that Nicky would break more than just his fingers if he refused to lose the next matches he did play. He should never have gotten mixed up with this gang nonsense.

+Brake While driving, a 7ft kangaroo shot out of the underbrush making Dazza swerve wildly; to avoid running off the road, he slammed his foot on the brake pedal to slow down. "Bugger." he swore, flipping the roo off. It flexed at him, jerked its chin and disappeared into the night.

If you can think of others, add them, or just send an ask.

[bldreamer]

Can’t Fight This Feeling | FORTHBEAM

2moons2 : ForthBeam

Summary: Forth stumbles into Beam’s cafe at four in the morning and it’s love at first sight despite his swollen black eyes. OR, the MMA Fighter meets Barista meet cute no one asked for. Genre: Fluff. Hurt/Comfort. Stupid banter. Coffee Shop AU / MMA Fighter AU.  Warnings: Tiny bit of swearing. Mentions of injuries. Author has NO idea what MMA fighting entails. 

A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts for months. I fully intended on making this a multi chapter fic but then I remembered I can’t write long stories to save my life so here we are instead. I sincerely apologise for the title. 

It’s 4:47 in the morning and Forth is walking aimlessly through the empty streets of Bangkok, expertly avoiding his own reflection in any store window he passes.

His adrenalin will soon bottom out, the fog of numbness will fade and he’ll feel every inch of his bruised and abused body. The cracked ribs, his busted lips and his battered eye socket that has doubled in size will all throb like a mother fucker come morning.

Until then, Forth is happy to entertain his ignorance. Anything to keep himself from having to face the reality nipping at his heels.

He’s been walking for over an hour, vaguely wandering in the direction of his apartment building with no real desire to actually go home. It’s not like there’s anything waiting for him besides musty bed sheets and his neighbours screaming cat out on the balcony.

With a sigh, Forth shoves his hands into his pockets when a flash of neon pink catches the corner of his eye from the opposite side of the street. He cranes his neck, squinting to make out the artsy sign in fluorescent fuchsia hanging above a brightly lit cafe. He imagines the warm scent of coffee under his nose if it wasn’t blocked with his own dried blood. His stomach grumbles in response regardless, reminding him he hasn’t eaten since lunch.

Curiously, Forth crosses the road and peers inside the hipster coffee shop. It takes a moment for his swollen eyes to adjust to the light.

The only person he can see through the glass front is a male barrister sat down behind the counter. Young, tanned skin, broad shoulders. He has a thick fringe of dark hair and he’s wearing a white sweater with a bright pink apron over the top that’s only marginally less offensive than the sign outside.

Caffeine is probably the worst idea Forth could have right now but he’s never been one to make smart choices so pushes open the door and heads inside towards the register. He looks up through his own messy fringe at the boy behind the counter, slowly looking up from his textbook.

“Hey, what can I get fo-”

The boy jumps to his feet with a gasp, eyes blown wide like a startled cartoon.

“Shit,” he murmurs without blinking.

“Did you forget to turn the stove off or am I just that good looking?” Forth chirps, voice gruff from disuse over the last hour or so.

“A-are you okay?”  

Forth nods, clearing his throat. “Can I get an Americano?”

“Are you sure you don’t need an ambulance?” the boy responds.

He’s about the same height as Forth. Thick eyebrows, dark eyes, golden skin. His cheeks are round and soft, there’s a faint hint of stubble on his chin and his lips are plump and rosey pink. The shade much kinder on the eye than his clashing neon apron.

“Just the coffee, thanks.”

The boy swallows. “Were you mugged? Should I call the police or something?”

Forth pulls out his wallet and waves it. “Nope. Wasn't mugged. How much for the drink?”

“200฿,” the barista replies robotically. Eyes darting over the bruises and lingering when Forth runs his other hand over his lip that’s bleeding again. “Are you...sure you’re okay?”

“Just another day at the office.”

That doesn’t help to ease the boys' nerves. He seems more than a little flustered, his cheeks are starting to match the rose of his lips. It’s cute.

“Don’t worry, I’m a professional,” Forth assures.

“You’re a professional punching bag?”

Cute, check. Funny, also check. 

“Some days, it depends how much my boss pays me.”

The boy looks stricken and Forth chuckles.

“I’m kidding,” he says. “I’d never throw a fight, it’s illegal and I’d lose my license.”

“You’re a fighter?”

“MMA,” Forth replies proudly. “Are you a fan?”

“No.”

“Didn’t think so. I know I’d remember seeing you in the crowd.” Typically Forth would throw in a wink for good measure but something tells him its a terrible eye given the state of his face. Maybe next time.

“Staying in or taking out?” the barista asks with a frown.

“Sorry?”

“Your coffee, in or out?”

Forth shrugs. “In, I guess. If it's not too much trouble.”

“It’ll be a few minutes until the coffee machine starts up.”

It’s not clear whether the barista is being informative or he’s just trying to put Forth off to make him leave instead.

“I don’t mind waiting,” he says in any case and hands over the appropriate money.

“You should take a seat,” the boy offers, and Forth takes the opportunity to read his wonky name tag. Beam, it reads. It suits him.

“Thanks.”

Forth turns over his shoulder, looking around the bakery and taking in the decor. The mint green walls, the white marble tables, gold chairs and accents of bright pink. It’s all so jarring it’s only adding to his headache. He truges over to the closest table, sitting down gingerly with a hand over his sore ribs.

“Any cakes or pastries?”

Forth puts his feet up on the chair opposite. “What do you reccomend?” He isn’t much of a sweet tooth but why not while he’s here. He picks up one of the pink napkins and dabs his lip, wincing.

The cute barista tuts, flicking and clicking some things on the coffee machine.

“An ice pack and a check for concussion?” he answers with not a hint of irony.

“I’d prefer something with cinnamon.”

Forth closes his hand around the used napkin and sinks back in the chair. His left over adrenalin is starting to go stale and exhaustion is tugging at his weary bones. It won’t be long before the real pain rears its ugly head. He closes his eyes against the offensive decor of the bakery and lets out a slow breath.

The clink and clunk of the cute boy moving about behind the counter is almost enough background noise to block out the buzzing starting up in his left ear. He really should get that looked at one of these days before he goes deaf completely.  

“Don’t they have medics where you work?” the barista asks behind his station.

“Sure,” Forth grunts. “But they’re sadists.” The three inch scar from the shoddy stitches he received on his forehead after one of his very first fights is proof enough.  

He doesn’t know how much time passes but he must have drifted off for a few minutes because the next thing he knows is startling at the clink of something dropping on the table. He blinks away the fog and sits up to see the barista putting his steaming mug of coffee down next to a bowl of-

“I don’t remember ordering an ice bath,” Forth quips at the boy staring down at him.

“It’s a new deal we’re offering to customers who look like they lost a round with a wrecking ball.”

“Now you’re starting to hurt my feelings.” He takes his feet down from the chair. “Seriously, you should see the other guy.”

The barista frowns. “You’re telling me you’re the winner?”

The surprise in his tone does genuinely hurt Forth’s pride. He does his best to pretend otherwise.

“I’m the undefeated champion,” he boasts with a wink.

The barista doesn’t respond. Just blinks, eyes darting to Forth’s hand which is as cracked and bruised as his face.

“I’ll get you a cloth for the ice,” he mutters eventually, disappearing back behind the counter.

Forth wraps his sore fingers around his steaming mug and blows over the top, sipping gingerly so as not to burn his tongue.

The cute guy -Beam, Forth reminds himself- comes back and picks up a handful of ice from the bowl onto the cloth he brought over.

“Ah, shit,” Forth hisses, not expecting it to be pressed onto his battered face without warning and he almost spills his coffee. “That hurts.”

Beam rolls his eyes. “Now you’re complaining it hurts?” he asks without sympathy.

“Warn a guy,” Forth whines into his mug. “Do you even know what you’re doing?”

“Relax, I’m a medical student.”

“You work at an all night cafe,” Forth comments after another sip, poking the inside of his mouth with his tongue as the string of bitter coffee hits his cut.

“Need to pay the tuition fees somehow.”

“Aren't you full of surprises?” Forth hums. “Cute, funny, makes decent coffee, and a doctor. I think I hit the jackpot.”

“Medical student,” the barista says slowly. “Not a doctor.”

Despite his blunt words, the ice presses more gently onto Forth’s throbbing cheek and he breaths out carefully, eye twitching from the cold seeping into his tender bruises.

His mind wanders as he sits silent and docile with his drink. He thinks about the weight inside his jacket, the thick rolls of cash hidden discreetly in his chest pocket. Tonight wasn’t the best he’s ever performed, and his wage is a reflection of that. But it's not a bad days pay for the meager hours he puts in. It’s not exactly the most honest way of earning a living but it's what he’s good at. He’s not built to be a doctor or lawyer or even a coffee boy.

He doesn’t know how long the cute barista stands over him, holding the ice to his face while he drinks from his cup. It’s odd and neither of them says anything, the only sounds coming from the grinding coffee machine.

The barista is the first to break the silence.

“How old are you?” Beam mutters.

“Twenty one. You?”

“Twenty.”

Forth suppresses a grin. “That means you’re my Nong,” he says cheerfully.

“I’m not calling you Phi.”

“Suit yourself, Nong Doc.” Forth’s breath hitches when the ice is pressed a little too firm into his cheek. “I’m Forth, by the way,” he mentions, voice a little tight.

“Beam,” comes the curt response.

“Because of your charming smile?”

The boy could cut glass with the look he gives Forth and a split second, he’s more intimidated than he was in the ring.

“I can kick you out,” the barista warns.

“Don’t they make doctors sign an oath to protect and serve all?”

“Protect and serve is the police,” Beam chirps. “Doctors swear to do no harm. And I’m not a doctor yet, like I keep saying.”

“Even so, I trust you.” It’s the most honest thing to come out of Forth’s mouth all night and it takes them both by surprise.

Their eyes meet and for a moment, Forth feels stuck, like the world hits pause. Not in a bad way. But so he can take in every golden fleck in the barista’s chocolate eyes staring back at him and count every freckle dotted over his nose. The boy isn’t just cute, he’s beautiful.

“So,” Forth clears his throat when things flood back to the present. “What’s your diagnosis, doc?” He hadn’t noticed he’d been white knuckling his coffee cup or that’s empty.

Beam purses his lips and pulls the ice away, narrowing his brow. “You’re probably lucky not to have a zygomatic fracture.”

“Cool.”

The barista looks doubtful he knows what that means. Forth doesn’t mention the fact that he gets hit in the face for a living, of course he knows what it means. And yes he knows he’s lucky to not need x-rays.

“Should I come see you in a week if the swelling doesn’t improve?”

“You’re embarrassing yourself, now.”

Forth licks his lips, the taste of copper on his tongue. His cut has opened again. 

“Is Forth your actual name or your fighter name?”

“I can’t tell you my fighter name. I’m afraid you’ll want to come and watch me. And then how would I concentrate if I had such a pretty boy standing in the crowd cheering for me?”

“Who says I'll be cheering for you?”

Forth chuckles. It’s small and chesty but it's genuine and it feels right. “Ow,” he whines. “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts.”

“Something tells me it serves you right.”

“Probably. I have a history of making bad decisions,” Forth admits. “Karma and all.”

Beam shrugs. “I don’t believe in karma.”

“So you’re a make your own luck kind of guy?”

“Isn’t luck just karma backwards?”

If Forth’s head didn’t already ache. “Are you a philosophy student too?”

“Like I have the time.”

“That’s a shame. I was going to ask you out on a date.”

Beam shakes his head and mutters something inaudible under his breath. No matter, Forth is nothing if not persistent.

“Do you want a refill? I never got you that cinnamon roll.”

Forth looks inside the cup, he’s not sure why exactly. What he expects to find there. Maybe it's like when you look inside the can after you take a dump. Everyone does it, but no one knows why.

“I better not. I’ll never sleep as it is.”

Beam shrugs and drops the melting ice into the bowl. “I gave you decaf,” he mentions as he stands and leaves the table.  

“Damn. I fucking trusted you, doc.” Forth feels a little violated.

He watches Beam slip back behind the counter. Forth had never taken into account how hot the whole hipster barista thing was before now.

“You’ll thank me later.”

Forth grins.

“Can I thank you over dinner?” See, persistent.

Beam lets a long exasperated sigh.

“Between classes, exams, and working to cover my ever increasing student debt, I’ll be free for dinner seventy years next Saturday.”

Forth shrugs, suppressing another wince. “I can wait,” he says. “I’m a pretty patient guy.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Can I at least get your number?”

Beam looks suspicious.

“You know, in case I need any follow up medical advice,” Forth explains.  

“Ice your face in intervals. Always read the recommended dose on painkillers. Seek medical attention if you throw up or you have a persistent headache.”

“I should also mention I’m forgetful, doc.”

“I’ll write it down.”

“Wouldn’t it be quicker to write down your cell?”

“Do you also not know how to take no for an answer?”

Forth smirks. “Except you haven’t said no.”

“I’m saying it now.”

“Saying what?”

“No.”

“No, what?”

Beam glares. “You’re insufferable.”

“Or adorable?”

Forth chews on the inside of his torn cheek, waiting with bated breath as the cogs of consideration tick behind the baristas eyes.

“If I give you my number, will you leave so I can actually start work?” Beam says.

Forth grins.

“Fighters honor, doc.”

Another cup of decaf later -to go this time- Forth pockets the napkin, dotted with his own blood and scribbled with black ink he hopes is Beam’s real number.

“I’ll call you.”

“Can’t wait,” Beam grumbles.

~Fin.

[purplesurveys]

1221

Are you mad at your best friend right now? I have absolutely no reason to be angry with Angela now and certainly not since our last petty childhood fight in like, 2009.

Do you know anybody with a pet snake? I used to know somebody, but she’s since gone off the radar and idek if her pet snake would still be alive at this point.

Do you buy your underwear in a pack or seperately? I can go either way.

Have you ever made fun of anybody and later became their friend? OMG yesss this was the entire background of my friendship with Sofie. Though I wouldn’t say I made fun of her...I just found her really annoying at first, and quite ditzy, too. Then something just clicked and worked out along the way and we ended up being best friends for quite some time until we went our separate ways shortly after college life started.

Is the lamp on in the room you're in? Yes; it’s one of my favorite pieces in my room.

Do you have a pair of shoes that you can only wear with one or two outfits? Nah, not really. I mostly own sneakers, which can go with most things casual.

Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? Most drinks, honestly; but mainly, I like my coffee and water cold.

Did you sleep in past noon today? I don’t think I’ve ever done that. The latest I’ve woken up is probably a little over 10.

Did your grandma ever tell you about her love life? Neither of them have.

Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? Possibly, but I no longer recall it.

Anything exciting happening in the month of September? I don’t think so. There are couple of birthdays in the family, but we don’t have plans for those days yet.

Who is your last missed call from? Some media or blogger I ignored because I don’t take calls.

When was the last time you ate Frosted Flakes? I can’t remember...I don’t really eat cereal.

Did you ever NOT want a substitute in a certain class? Yeah, for classes I hated, like math.

Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? Not regularly. When a homeless person or street child knocks on my car while waiting in traffic I do try to give them some money and/or snack, if I have one in my bag.

Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? I was barely conscious in 2001. I am also not American.

Do you know any songs that are older than you are? ...Many?

Are there framed pictures of you anywhere in your house? Yeah we have some framed photos going up the staircase. I also have my Prep graduation portrait up in my room.

Compared to other people of your age would you be considered 'NORMAL'? Ugh.

Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? I don’t have an MP3 player but I don’t think I ever had Hilary Duff on any of my music players.

Who is worst in your family about calling people back? Probably Nina as she hates making calls to begin with.

Do you like peanut M&M's? Nah, I hate nuts in my chocolate.

When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Safe to say well over a year ago. It’s not my snack of choice haha I never understood why I had to bite into my ice cream.

When was the last time you ate jelly beans? August 2019.

When was the last time you had hot chocolate? Around a month ago, I’d say? My mom fixes me a mug of hot choco every once in a while.

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? I haven’t.

What was the last song stuck in your head? I think it had been Rain by BTS.

Do you enjoy doing math? If I know how the math works and have the formulas memorized, I can definitely find it fun. Math had actually been pretty manageable for me in school, at least right until we reached trig and calc which were just bleck.

Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? Oh without a doubt. I’m 200% sure everyone in the family has secrets we never share; we’re not open with each other.

Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? Yes.

Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? I will pose if I’m comfortable but most of the time I just smile.

Are there any colors you will NOT wear? I avoid orange as much as possible.

Do you use scented soap in the shower? Nah, just a normal-scented one.

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? That was never part of my plans, no. 

Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? Angela and Hans. I was drunk, so yes I had fun lol.

Do you like convertibles? I don’t really care for them, or for cars in general.

Have you ever yelled at the television? So many times, usually when a favorite singer or band is performing OR when I’m watching a really intense sports game - usually basketball or wrestling.

How many songs on your MP3 player are about sex? -

Do you like water parks? I think they are nasty for the most part.

Dark or light colored jeans? Light.

Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? Nope.

Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? Even more so no.

Would your friends describe you as nerdy? I don’t think they would.

How many different colors are you wearing right now? Five.

Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? Nope.

--

Are you double-jointed anywhere? I am not.

What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? You know, I’ve never even understood the rules of Monopoly...I’ve never bothered to play a round of it. Board games are usually too complicated for me lol.

Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? Not a tornado, no. But I’ve experienced countless hurricanes and floods.

Did you play in the sand box as a kid? It was my favorite part of the playground and I was always exclusively found in a sandbox. I liked the texture (still do) + no one was ever there, so as a shy kid it worked out perfectly for me.

How about on the monkey bars? I tried it every now and then but I wasn’t a very active kid, so my arms would feel strained fairly quickly. It was never the first thing I’d run to whenever I got to go to the playground.

Have you ever made an alarm go off? I don’t think so.

Have you ever colored your eyebrows? Nope.

Did you ever own a pop-up book? Many of them, as a kid.

Have you ever honked at a biker? Yes but only whenever they swerve a little bit and are about to hit my car.

Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? No?

Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? No, I’ve played neither version. The sport doesn’t interest me.

Do you use gel in your hair? Only for formal events where I can’t afford to show up with my hair all frizzy.

Do you own a garden gnome? We don’t.

Are any of the rooms in your house painted blue? Nope, they’re all white. My parents’ room used to be green (came with the house), but it looked gross so it didn’t take long before they hired someone to paint the walls white.

Do you kick off your shoes as soon as you walk in the door? Yes. Actually, since the start of COVID, we’ve taken to removing our shoes even before we enter. We have a mat right by the front door where we can properly take off our shoes and head inside already barefoot.

Have you ever judged a book by its cover? Sometimes, but I don’t let it linger.

What is the most effective device at the gym? I don’t go to the gym.

Can you drive a stick shift? Hahahaha no, and I’m not so sure I’m ever willing to learn.

Have you ever picked on a substitute teacher? That’s mean and no, I haven’t.

How good are you at giving directions? Terrible. As much as possible I don’t do it and just refer the person asking to my nearest friend/companion.

When was the last time you looked out the window nearest you? Just a few minutes ago, actually. I put an arm out to check if it’s chilly outside since it rained all day today.

Have you ever got dressed with the windows open? Never. I make sure to pull down my blinds every time.

Have you ever given a foot massage? No.

Do public restrooms freak you out? They don’t freak me out per se but like I rarely go into them and use them, even before Covid. The idea of sharing a toilet with strangers is super gross lol and many of them don’t even put away their trash properly.

Have you ever taken a shower outside? I may have, but nothing sticks out.

Have you ever been to a junkyard? I don’t think so.

What do you think of Brad Pitt? I don’t really have an opinion...I loved his episode on Friends, but that’s it.

Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? Yes, a few times.

Have you ever used pennies to pay for something that cost over 50 cents? I don’t speak US currency, but yeah there’ve been around 1-2 times I had to pay for something worth P50 with just coins. It’s always been embarrassing lol so I try to avoid it and be prepared with paper bills as much as I can.

If a place makes you pay for delivery - do you still tip the driver? Yes.

Without the aid of a cell phone - do you know your parents numbers by heart? Just my mom’s. Since my dad is always in and out of the country (at least until the pandemic), I’ve never gotten to memorize his number.

Can you name 10 former presidents? Arroyo, Macapagal, Aquino, another Aquino, Estrada, Ramos, Magsaysay, Quirino, Quezon, Roxas.

But if we’re talking about US presidents...Obama, Trump, Clinton, Roosevelt, another Roosevelt I believe, Nixon, Reagan, Carter, Lincoln, Washington. I hope I got them right hahaha.

Have you ever bought a gift for a teacher? Just as a kid.

Is your bedroom carpeted? Nope.

Right now, what color is your tongue? Pink.

When was the last time you had a Tootsie Pop? Years ago. I don’t have it a lot.

If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Who is your favorite super hero? I don’t have any.

How about your favorite villain? I don’t really have any, either.

Do you know anybody who works at a bank? Possibly, but I can’t place a name right now.

What do you usually order from your favorite fast food place? That would be KFC, and I usually order either their Zinger or Twister. FUCK now I want to get KFC :((

Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? No, because none of them ever reach this part of the village. We never have to prepare any candy lol.

What perfume/cologne do you wear the most? Heat Rush.

Can you name all 7 dwarfs? I always miss out on one or two.

Does the early bird really catch the worm? Idk what this expression is.

[melissanovels]

♡ Chapter 3 of TRANSIENT TIME TRAVELLER is out! ♡

○ Read on my Website ○ Read on Tumblr (below) ○ Read on Ao3 ○ Read on Royal Road  ○

TTT  is an LGBTQ+ historical fantasy novel about Aida, a time traveller hellbent on proving the innocence of a 1,200-year-old dead queen, and Lorian, an escaped princess-turned-officer who wants to drain the royal blood from their body, & the two coming together with the help of their mischievous future selves.

♡ Reblogs are appreciated! ♡

Read Chapter 3 Below:

The second Aida stepped off the boat, she was struck with awe, an intense yearning of something grander than she’d ever thought was possible.

Then the seasickness sullied the occasion, but she wouldn’t let her bodily issues ruin this once in a lifetime experience.

You could feel when you entered Rome, when you officially made it to the country you’d been dreaming about for months, years. The air was different, the energy warmer. Unlike Bělico, which sprawled out into farm valleys and snow-capped mountains with the occasional farm, Roma was anything but. Firstly, the people here had a place to be. They hauled barrels of water on to carriages, they sang for money, they bartered and sold their wares with the utmost power to their actions. The streets always seemed to be moving, something Aida had wished for in Bělico but didn’t know how in which to hold herself.

After exiting the carriage that brought her deeper into town, she kept herself small, the grip on her cane and rucksacks making her hands sweat. The buildings were ancient and tall, and the noise overwhelmed her to the point of freezing her in place. She knew there were taverns near the center of the city, which was where she was going to sleep until the semester started, but here, in the middle of the busy streets, she was stuck. All at once, it felt like people were staring at her and ignoring her, like she was an uninteresting problem they couldn’t be bothered to solve.

She took a breath, pressed her weight onto her cane, and carried on.

The architecture was dazzling. Rich period houses made of brick, cottages built around markets selling seasoned meats and sugary sweets. Unlike her time as a child, when she thought food was free and people were kind, she now knew what to use her money for and bought cheap food to keep herself alive.

The streets were decorated in triangular pennant flags and ancient art, not for a festival, just to preserve the ancient traditions, and in the center of the intersections, written on that rich paper Aida fancied, was a drawn illustration of that princess that went missing.

Aida heard Lucia’s name whispered in the streets. Women with their hands over their mouths. Men with their hands on their hips, nodding about the obvious as to why she’d left. There were more officers walking around, the men in the red jackets and black hats who kept Roma safe. They patrolled the streets with vigilant eyes, waiting to spot the hidden princess in her wedding dress.

An arranged marriage. Aida didn’t know much about the people of Aldaí, though she supposed one of her birth parents might’ve claimed a place of origin there. The prince sounded like a normal fellow with average values. Though, if she were to re-examine the predicament, she couldn’t blame the princess for escaping such a marriage. If Aida had been arrange married, she too would’ve run, though probably not the day of. The girl must’ve either been a juggernaut for chaos, or an incredibly indecisive person.

The streets winded and were made of cobblestone that the Siinans and Eve herself must’ve walked. It was difficult discerning which parts of the city belonged to Siina, which streets and plots of land had been claimed by the Roman crown after the city-state’s destruction. The city had white, ancient columns, fountains with Circa’s statue atop them, and even a few ancient buildings preserved from the Classical Era. She knew how to spot them with their white walls and timber frames. They must’ve been 1,000 years old, so close to Queen Eve’s timeline yet too far away for her to ever have seen them. Aida wondered how many ancient people had walked these same cobblestone streets, how many buildings Eve might’ve walked into. She’d have to plan a full day just to explore to take everything in.

No true Romans seemed to be paying attention to the history around them, but the notable tourists were looking up at the columns in the same fervor as Aida. She wanted to take a tour of every ancient building. She would’ve even dipped into the depths of the infamous Catacombs that lay underneath her feet, but she couldn’t make a spectacle of herself. She saw Visatorre roaming the streets, those with the circles over their forehead and those who were quite obviously hiding them in head wrappings. Most looked unfortunate, dirty. Some were begging for a bronze lyria. Aida gave them what she could, knowing she should’ve kept all of it for herself, being that she was, in a sense, homeless as well.

As she toured the shops and eyed the delectables of frosted cookies and her favorite, sugar bread, she came across an abandoned shop with its windows boarded and door signs stripped away. It looked like it hadn’t been touched in years, so she rested against its walls to catch her breath. How far had she made it, two kilometers? It was another three to the nearest taverns. Should she’ve called for another carriage? Would they stop for her? She needed to read up more about the unspoken rules in Roma, not ones from a millennia ago. Should she have hidden her marking? She would’ve rather died.

She went to clean off her glasses when a figure in white caught her eye. It—she—sat on the steps, a poor woman wrapped in rags. At first glance, she resembled more of a pile of laundry than a woman in need, she was so knelt over. She was tall, though, even when crouched down, and barefoot. Aida had no choice but to help her, she was drawn to her. How tall was she, two meters? Her sitting state was almost Aida’s full height.

 Aida walked closer, eager to help yet keeping back in fear of the unknown. “Excuse me.”

The woman’s eyes were completely bound by bandages. She wasn’t injured—they weren’t bloody or stained—they just looked like a reminder to show the public that she simply did not have eyes.

Aida pulled back. Most Visatorre, when the time travelled, only travelled back a few decades. The farther back you went, the more messed up you came back. Five years back would get you a bad cough or a throbbing joint. Fifty years and you’d end up with a permanent injury, like her shitty leg or a fucked up eye. 200 years back and who knew. You could lose your leg, your head might fall off. Aida had known one girl from her village that travelled back 150 years, give or take a decade. She had regular bleeding from the brain. It lasted two months before she died an agonizing death.

People had theories as to why a time traveller jumped, and scholars and medics have tried their damnedest to find a solution to why travelling hurt the traveller once they returned, but all signs pointed to the Heavens above. Those who still believed in the Gods—very few in her generation—believed that these things happened simply because the Gods willed them to happen. Why did it happen? Why did the Gods take away children right when they were born? Why couldn’t humans live as long as trees or Aldaían turtles? It was simply nature, a nature human beings had yet to understand.

Taking in the woman’s differences, Aida closed her hand around the coins. “Here,” she said, “it’s ten bronze lyria.”

The woman slowly lifted her head, showing Aida a wide, unnerving smile that seemed otherworldly. Wildly, wickedly, reaching from ear to ear. Despite being homeless, her teeth were perfectly white. They were almost blue.

Aida slowly retracted her offered hand, but still dropped the ten lyria next to her hip. Roma was incredibly different from Bělico. It was grand as well as poor. Beautiful as well as filthy.

Interesting as well as confusing.

She couldn’t imagine what she’d see near the Palace, and the Colosseum.

Where Siina once lay.

----------------------------------

Students were given access to Durante Academy a day before classes officially started. This was mostly for students and their families to tour the campus, to admire the plaques of royal statues and feast in the dining hall together. Aida had no family to see her off and she’d already known everything that was written on the plaques, so she’d taken to just moving in without any spectacle. Alone. Up four flights of stairs. Without anyone to help her.

It was fine. She was fine. It didn’t matter that nobody helped her or that her mother hadn’t come looking for her. It’d been three weeks, sure, and maybe communication between Bělico and Roma would take that long. And it could’ve snowed, so the post might’ve been halted or stopped temporarily.

Maybe her mother had never come searching for her, and who cared? Finally, Aida had become unburdened by the weight of family life. It was all she’d ever wanted.

She just wished, against her better judgement, that she had somebody to pay and help her. She’d spent most of her savings on lodging at a nearby inn before the Academy opened. She would’ve paid for the help with what little money she had left, but she was carrying the weight of every Visatorre in Roma City. Out of the 2,500 people attending this Academy, she’d sniffed out that only six of those 2,500 students were Visatorre. .2 percent. Ten years ago and no Visatorre had the rights to attend higher education. She couldn’t let this opportunity be tainted by her own missteps and selfishness.

Stepping onto the soil of the Durante Academy didn’t feel real, like she was stepping into a painting. It was built up like the Roman Palace, with arches and red brick holding centuries worth of knowledge. It’d been built at the turn of the Neoclassical Era—the Era they were in now—but it was still more than 200 years old. It’d been named Scoppio Erutus Academy in honor of the first king of Roma, but then King Durante had been so arrogant, he forced his wife to rename a historic foundation after himself. What she would’ve done if she meant the man himself. Gouge out his eyes, she would.

She touched the iron-clad gates, then where her acceptance letter was in her bag. She’d done it. All without her family’s help.

She’d taken all but four steps through the Academy gates when she felt her body tense. She’d familiarized herself with her normal bodily aches apart from these ones. When she felt like this, when the world shifted around her like someone was tilting it with both hands, that’s when she knew. That’s when she knew a jump was about to occur.

The first thing she did was take off her glasses. Nothing came with you when you teleported into the past, not even your clothes, so it did right by you to make sure you secured any loose valuables or breakables on your person before you left. Stumbling across piles of clothes was commonplace, and it was a jackpot for thieves or terrible people to loot a defenseless, temporarily lost person of their money.

When she travelled backwards into time, her only concern was someone stealing her books and throwing them into a fountain.

A loud zap of energy stole her from the present. The travelling itself didn’t hurt, not at first, but it left her feeling floaty. That’s the only way she could describe it. You left the Earth that grounded you and was brought somewhere, somehow, against your will and into Circa’s hands. It was magic, Aida knew that, but everything magical about going into the past was stripped from her when she knew it’d leave her with a bloody nose or worse.

She dropped into a forest. Nothing spectacular, just an endless sea of untamed land and pine cones. She would’ve preferred something a little more interesting like a town or even a house. When you went back in time, you couldn’t interact with anything around you, so if you jumped into someone’s room, there you were, and you were stuck there until someone from that time period happened to open a door or window big enough for you to squeeze through. Open spaces like this, while bereft of anything eye-catching, made Aida thankful that she hadn’t jumped anywhere too stifling.

She wandered. It was all you could do for one, two hours in this pause in your life. She heard the birds chirping to each other, she heard the skittering of squirrels and rabbits who didn’t know a traveller was meters away from them. And she felt the wind, heard it flutter through the leaves and branches. But it was strange, distant. And smell, that was something you had trouble with. It was like walking through a moving painting. You were there, you were exploring, but you couldn’t interact with this painted scene before you. It was better, in that sense, if you came across something important. A meeting between generals, an unsolved murder with a new key witness. You could learn about the world in a way most people couldn’t.

And all she got was a forest. Just. Her. Luck.

After maneuvering around a fallen tree, she did come across something prominent: a crystal lake that sparkled with the bright blue sky. It perfectly reflected the white clouds and the treetops around them. Bugs danced across the water and frogs leapt atop their lilypads. And curled within the lake’s natural perimeter lived a cabin that honestly looked like it’d seen better days. It was modern, giving Aida context as to how far she’d jumped back, but some of the windows had cracks in it, and a natural ecosystem grew where its cut lawn should’ve been. It looked cozy, if not a little worn.

The sound of hammering skipped across the lake. Without her glasses, Aida guessed that there were two people sitting on the roof, patching up a hole.

She circled the lake. She heard them speaking, but she couldn’t make out their words or accents, leaving her lost as to who they were and where she was. She almost called out to them before remembering neither of them would hear, see, or acknowledge her.

She tried anyway. “Hey,” she called out. “Where are you in the world?”

Just when she was able to make out their faces, she felt her body being pulled back into the present. She tried to step out of the pull, to find out more about this abandoned cabin, but no Visatorre could do that. They could only go where Circa desired them to go and left when Circa wanted them gone.

When she fell back to the present, reality slammed down with her. Her aches, her bodily pain, the weight of being alive. She was a mass that affected the world, and it sucked and hurt. She was dizzy and it was hard to keep her eyes from spinning, but all in all, she was fine, meaning that she’d only travelled a short way for an even shorter time.

Then she tried to sit up and immediately crashed back down, her legs too tired to hold herself up. Yeah, she wasn’t dead, but check back in two hours when she had a bag of ice on her lower back and a migraine beginning to form.

The Sun had long since set. Night bugs chirped from the bushes around her and most of the lanterns were out. With the Moon’s help, she patted the ground for her glasses, and found them and her bags, shoes. They were all still there, but she’d have to double-check just to make sure. She’d needed to know her books were still with her, otherwise, what was the point of all of this? If she lost her journals…

“Miss, are you alright?”

She lunged for her dress. One-pieces were the easiest clothing for Visatorre to wear to regain their modesty, or what they had left of it, but someone had already seen her, and they sounded like her age. What a great first impression to make at the Academy.

The person coming up to her was a blur without her glasses, but she saw that they were tall—everyone was tall to her, being that she was only 144 centimeters tall—and they had blond hair and fair skin, wearing…

An officer uniform.

Just. Her. Fucking. Luck.

“Here, let me assist you,” they said, this time with a noticeable lisp.

“I can assist myself, thank you. Sir,” she added, hoping she wouldn’t get written up for being too crass with an officer, and got dressed in front of him. She didn’t worry about her undergarments or socks, she just needed to cover her body in front of this person.

A piece of fabric draped over her shoulders: his jacket.

“Please, allow me,” he said, and now, he was way too close. She had a thing about that, about people touching her, getting into her personal space without her consent.

“Not really helping,” she said, and shrugged it off to button up her dress. When she still felt his presence behind her, she said, “Give a woman some privacy?”

“Oh, of course.” He turned on his heel with his hands behind his back. “My apologies. I was keeping watch over your things in case you came back. I heard a loud snap, then saw all these clothes on the ground. I thought it’d be best to help you once you returned.”

“Were you expecting me to disappear?” She flicked out her glasses and put them back on.

“No, I just didn’t want you to be frightened once you returned.”

He was indeed an officer, wearing that gaudy fit the crown made all officers wear—a red jacket studded with gold buttons, black boots that reached their knees—but he was an officer-in-training: no medals or aiguillettes to signify rank, a short rapier attached to his belt as opposed to the long ones real officers used. He was another young fool pulled into the system meant to serve a monarchy who couldn’t be bothered about you.

His green eyes shot down at her naked legs. A hint of red was scratched across his long face. “Forgive me, Miss. I’ve never seen someone jump into the past before. It’s like you were there, then in a flash, you were taken away.”

Ah, so he was pampered. Aida saw his whole life: sheltered, kept away from real life. Most Visatorre weren’t rich, so you either saw them on the streets, working in the fields, or doing manual work to get by. Given that, and by how clean and posh this boy sounded, he’d probably never fought a day in his life.

He stepped back, taking her in from a different angle, then gasped and knelt down to collect her things. “It must be hard,” he said, “disappearing like that and all.” He handed her her shoes, taking note of her right one that weighed heavier than the other. He checked inside for any rocks.

“It’s fine,” she said, and put them on. If the cane didn’t give away her ailments from being a Visatorre, her mismatched shoes would’ve. “The right one has a larger heel due to my limp. Keeps me balanced.”

“Oh.” If he had anything else to say on that, he didn’t.

She sighed. She didn’t need this kid’s pity tonight. She moved to gather her own shit and strained something down her leg. Her right one was worse, the dead weight that made her limp so bad. Sometimes it radiated its anger up her spine and left her toes numb and body with feverish aches for the whole day. This boy didn’t need to know that, he didn’t need to know anything about her. Lucky for her that he’d just seen a part of her that she hadn’t meant neither a man nor woman to ever see. She picked up her bags, her upper lip curled.

“Please, Miss, it’s no problem at all,” he said. “I can help you take them to your dorm if you’d like. Which house is it?”

“…Willows,” she said, though she was unsure if she should’ve been telling this boy where she’d now live.

“That’s across the campus. Here.” He picked up all three of her bags with one arm, as well as her books and uniforms she’d received earlier that week. The Academy almost sent them to her stepmother’s house before she’d intervened.

Aida stepped away from him. “Why’re you helping me?”

“Because I’m an officer.”

“But…” She sighed again. It was too late and she was too tired to argue. “If you do anything insidious, I’ll scream so loud, I’ll make you deaf.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “Please don’t think so ill of me, Miss…”

“Aida. Mirko,” she added, and curtsied shortly, shoeless with her braids coming undone. “What a first impression to make, ’ey?”

The boy chuckled shortly, then bowed, a hand over his stomach. “Lorian Ashwell. A pleasure to meet you.”

Aida scoffed and started walking towards her dorm, her bloomers tucked over her arm. “Not so much from my end. What a bastard of a way to see your first jump.” 

“I’ve heard many different tales of it, no doubt. My father is rather…orthodox when it comes to the views of Visatorre.”

“So he’s a cock.”

Lorian choked on his own spit, then burst into a laugh that Aida couldn’t help but smile at. “How bold of you! I’ve never heard a woman speak so crassly as you do.”

“You must not meet many girls.”

He turned away, still chuckling. “That is true, yes.”

Her forced confidence shrunk. Wasn’t she supposed to make a good impression on this school? This kid must’ve been a hired officer to patrol the grounds at night. He’d report her behavior back to the dean. She needed to watch her mouth.

“So, where are you from?” Lorian asked. “No one from Roma would speak as confidently as you do, and your accent is quite unique.”

Aida arched a brow at him. “And you call me bold, asking for my name first, then asking where I’m from based off of my accent? What about your accent? Wouldn’t that be invasive if I asked you about that?”

He lost a step beside her and touched his lips. “My lisp isn’t something I can control, Miss Mirko, though I have been taking therapy lessons to correct it. I’m sorry it offends you in some way.”

Aida cocked her head at the sudden dip into aggressiveness. “When did I say anything about your lisp? I ain’t that rude despite what everything thinks of me. I said ‘accent’. You speak properly, so one can assume you came from wealth, but I wasn’t gonna say that out loud.”

“Oh.” Lorian shot her a look she couldn’t read, then he smirked and dropped his hand. “You are quite something, Miss Mirko.”

“You just met me, Lorian Ashwell, so cool it with the conclusions.”

“Please do forgive me. I haven’t met many people my age. I’m still getting used to the acclimation.”

“Were you living under a rock up until now?”

“You could say that, yes.”

Aida harrumphed. Rich and ignorant. She didn’t know a worse combination.

But she couldn’t knock him. He was kind, doing all of this for her. Her hands almost relaxed out of their fists, but she kept her guard up. She still had her cane to dig into his eye sockets if he fucked up.

He helped her all the way up the spiral staircase, stopping whenever she needed to. He never mentioned her cane or how she sometimes walked into him due to her balance problem. For a boy who hadn’t properly met a Visatorre before, he was taking it better than most. Most threw questions, insults. Rocks, if they were truly cowards.

Her dorm room was small yet curved along with the edge of the building, giving her an extra window. She also had a writing desk, a small poster bed, a wardrobe, and a sofa. Her radiator had been polished and her bedsheets smelled of freshly cleaned linen. It didn’t yet smell like her, but it would, in time.

She took it in in a circle. No longer would she shiver upstairs in a house she didn’t feel like she belonged in, waiting for a better tomorrow she thought would never come. She’d gotten it.

She turned to Lorian, who’d invited himself in and was placing her things on her bed.

“You can go,” she told him. “Don’t need you sniffing my clothes and seeing my journals.”

“Journals?” He dropped her bags. One of her thickest journals dropped on his boot.

“Hey, careful.”

“My apologies.” He picked it up and scanned the cover, noticing the tiny drawings and carvings she’d etched into the old binding. 

She’d gotten that journal from school in which to write assignments, but she’d used it to write down her actual thoughts instead. After a few weeks, she’d torn out the older pages and spliced in new ones about her interests in history. Timelines, character sheets, her own theories about what she thought might’ve happened in Siina. By now, the journal was near bursting, the original pages yellowed and loose, with thousands of furious writings smudged around her crude drawings.

Lorian smiled at the dried flowers kept between the pages. “What a beautiful piece.”

She grimaced. He didn’t even know what it was.

He didn’t know, yet he still called it beautiful, this handmade book that meant so much to her.

“Thanks,” she said. “It’s what I do when my brain isn’t broken.”

“Is it for school?”

“No. It’s my thoughts on history.”

“Which part of history?”

“All of Lyrica.”

He weighed the book between both hands. “May I?” he asked, and went to open the first page but stopped for Aida’s consent.

She didn’t know. Back home, her sisters had never cared for it, and her mother hated that she wasted her time writing when she could’ve been tending to the farm.

No, she had to stop thinking that way. That place was no longer a home, it was a place, a memory.

“If you can read my handwriting,” she said.

He crossed his ankles as he flipped through the first few pages, skipping over a few centuries worth of notes about the founding of Lyrica, then Roma, then Roma City. He focused on her doodles of all things, the clothing styles and landscapes she thought Siina would’ve had throughout the eras. Not that she was embarrassed because she wasn’t, she just thought the word told a better picture than the, well, pictures.

When he didn’t say anything, Aida, feeling restless by silence, took to decorating her space to fit her needs. She threw her clothes off to one side and organized a few of her books onto the shelves. She stacked her playbooks one the table and centered a figure of a glass ballerina on the windowsill. After getting everything out of her bags and Lorian still standing there, Aida caved to her desires and lit a blunt she’d pre-rolled for the trip.

When she struck her lighter and realized that there was, shockingly, an officer still in her room, Lorian looked up at her.

She took the blunt out of her mouth. “Oops.”

Lorian checked that it was indeed a blunt and not a cigarette that might’ve gotten her off easier. Then he chuckled that damn chuckle of his. Was it irritating? She couldn’t tell. “Oops, indeed.”

“Don’t nark on me. I thought you were cool.”

“And what if I do? It’s in my job description to relate all illegal activity to Dean Falco, and I recently got this job on a whim. I wouldn’t want to disappoint anyone.”

“Nor would I. I have a reputation to uphold. So.” She crossed her arms, joint in-between two fingers. “Whatcha gonna do, officer?”

Lorian’s smile widened, something Aida noticed about him more than anything, and he held out his hand.

Aida smiled back and handed him her joint.

----------------------------------

The hours kind of…passed, which was something Aida wasn’t used to. She usually had her daily chores to grind the day to a halt. Wake up, feed the animals, make breakfast, do dishes. Work, clean, attend. Only at night could she waste her sleeping hours doing what she wanted to do, and that was to get high and study her craft.

Things were different with Lorian, this shit stain of a dude. He wasn’t an officer. She didn’t believe it. Officers were prissy rich boys who wanted to fight because of their terrible childhoods. This kid was, in every way, normal. He didn’t react volatile to the blunt. He was interested in her take on history. She ended up rambling about her life, her mother, her sisters, her desire to become a historian, and she didn’t fear that she was speaking too loudly or too much. What was this, a set-up? Good things rarely came her way, especially in the form of people. Maybe it was a dream.

“So, you’ve tried Nectar before, I reckon?” she asked. They were both on her bed, but for some reason, she didn’t feel embarrassed by it. Lorian didn’t seem so either. His cheeks had returned to their normal shade.

“I have dabbled in it, yes, though I’m more used to drinking it rather than smoking it.”

“Isn’t there less of a high when you drink it?” she asked. Nectar was the golden honey from Aldaí. When mixed with the Aldaían poppy flower that often grew near the beehives, it left you with an incredible high that could last for hours.

“Yes, but I lived in a household where it was frowned upon to smoke,” Lorian said, “so I snuck it in with luncheons and dinners. I feel like my mother knew about it, but as long as my father wasn’t aware, I was fine.”

“And the raw shit is more expensive,” she noted.

He just shrugged and motioned for her joint, which she gladly passed to him. “My household was…it was fine, you know? Once you strip away its policies and protocols, we were normal. But sometime’s life’s just, like, you know, shit? Like it’s all shit, like you can’t get out of it, no matter what you do.”

“I absolutely hear you,” Aida said. “My mo’mma’s the same way. When I become queen, all this shit? Changing immediately. Effective immediately. Life’s not gonna be what we thought it was.”

“You’re going to be queen?” he asked.

“Absolutely.”

“Then you can take my pl…” He paused. “You can’t become a queen. You must be born into it, unless you marry someone who’s high enough in rank, but why would you?” He kept using air quotes as he talked, like it wasn’t obvious that that’s how you became an official royal person. “Royal life sucks.”

“I can take care of it. Those two princesses or whatever ain’t gonna be it like I am. One’s off in Bělico, the other’s…somewhere. Did you hear she died?”

Lorian took another drag, his eyes half-closed. “That’s what they’re saying now, huh?”

“That’s what I hear from the latest paper. Hey, you know what? You don’t seem like an officer to me.”

Lorian dropped his hand. “I am.”

“How?”

“I received a recommendation from His Majesty the king that the dean stupidly took. It was very generous, and I’m not letting the opportunity of a lifetime go to waste.”

“But—”

“I’m an officer.”

Aida glanced over to him, curious that that got a reaction out of him. Here she thought he was a prissy officer, but now, not only was he a stoner, he had a mouth.

He was looking over at her, his cheek pressed against the ruffled covers. “I’m an officer now,” he said, adding on the needed adverb. “I know I may not be as refined or as skilled as the others, but I’m trying my best, and I want nothing more than to show what I can do.”

Aida’s lips parted. Finally, something that clicked. Finally, something she understood. “Good,” she told him. “Maybe you’ll be the officer to finally fuck over the king and make Roma a better place, because I know I’m going to be the historian to rewrite this country’s history.”

“Rewrite history?”

“Yeah. I know so much more than any historian’s in Roma, and I’m going to change the world with what I know.”

“What do you know, Miss Mirko?”

She got up and started pacing. “Well, I know that Queen Eve’s full name is Eve Hyuang Costa, ‘Costa’ coming from her Siinan heritage, and ‘Hyuang’ comes from a province in Aldaí, specifically from the eastern provinces, meaning that she was multi-racial. Not many historians bring that up, but I’ve cross-referenced diary entries from King Julius II and his wife where they both mention her middle name in passing, and how she truly was ‘a blossoming flower’, which is what ‘Hyuang’ translates to. Her full name means ‘a blossoming flower in the river of life’. Isn’t that pretty? They also wash her mother’s heritage from the history texts, you know. I’ve even read texts where they change her surname from Zhao to Zangari. Isn’t that messed up?”

Lorian nodded along to everything in confusion. “It is, but, pray tell, who’s Eve?”

Aida’s jaw dropped, a hand to her heart.

“Did I offend—”

“Yes!” She swiped back her joint. “How dare you say that in my presence? All of my work rests on that woman’s shoulders. She’s the reason I want to be a historian because the history books have her history wrong—No, sit down,” she said as he began to stand. He plopped back down. “Unless you have somewhere to be at—” She checked the watch that wasn’t on her wrist. “God knows what time it is, you’re sitting your ass down and listening to me.”

People her age didn’t look at her like an equal, or someone of much worth, so the way Lorian kept doing that with Aida, it terrified her. She’d built herself up with barriers and outcast people before she got to know them. She didn’t know how this boy had gotten past her, this Lorian Ashwell. Maybe he’d be the one officer Roma City needed, just like she was the best person to fix the country.

“Please, continue,” Lorian said, and she did.

----------------------------------

She spent the next two hours talking to him about Queen Eve and how much this dead queen meant to her. She talked about the queen’s upbringing, her beliefs, how her older sister was supposed to have married King Meyeso but Eve had persuaded him to marry her instead. She was passionate, outspoken, energetic, youthful, and she never let any ruling stop her from achieving what she craved. And she’d done it all as a Visatorre, before the Roman king had murdered her for allegedly murdering his wife.

“Isn’t that fucked?” Aida asked, needing some sort of validation from this boy.

Lorian just kept staring at her. His hand never left his lips.

“Well? Isn’t it?”

He kept staring at her.

“What?”

“I like the way you speak,” he told her.

She faltered. Scratch anyone listening to her rambles, nobody had ever told her they liked the way she spoke, or thought, valuing her thoughts and brain as something to be admired. She pulled down on her dress cuffs, feeling exposed. “Okay.”

“You know so much.”

“It’s one of the things I pride myself in.”

“Do you pride yourself in many things?”

“Of sorts.”

He rolled around. “What about this?” He pointed his boot at her playbooks. “En Tempore Rose. What a collection of playbooks.”

“Woah, wait.” She leaned over Lorian’s figure, the ends of her newly done braids tickling his nose. “You know about Pinnacle Isle?

Lorian pressed himself deeper into her bed. He held his lips in a tight line. “Not the, uhm, book series, no. But I do enjoy the opera—”

“I love the book series!” Aida interrupted. “I have a first edition of the first book in my bag. What’s your favorite chapter? Who’s your favorite character? Mine’s the Goddess, but Pinnacle is always a close second, as is with the Red Dragon, of course.”

Lorian looked down at Aida’s lips. “Sorry, I’ve only known the opera. My parents always took me to see it when—”

“Oh!” Aida moaned. “Oh, for shame! For shame that Roman sensibilities have negated you from indulging in the purest form of art that is Pinnacle Isle and the utter perfection of the hero’s journey.”

She stepped back, a drunken high making her unstable. “Pinnacle, our orphan boy dropped on a forgotten, desolate island. He thinks he’s alone and so unbelievably screwed, but at the end of chapter three, he finds that a feral dragon is being kept at the top of the island’s tower, and it’s up to him, his guardian/Goddess, Sempre, and the dragon’s own two scaly children to find a way off the island before the storm comes. How could you only indulge in the opera, a mere fanfare of what the books truly means to us readers? Have you no shame, good sir?”

Lorian looked Aida up and down. He sucked in his lips as he gave her a simple shrug. “Not really, no.”

She pointed down at him. “You, Lorian Ashwell, are a fake fan, just watching the enormously inaccurate opera instead of enjoying the pages and pages of Pinnacle’s and the Goddess’ story. I need you to stay with me tonight so I can tell you the greatest story told on Roman soil. Do you hear me? You’re staying with me.”

Lorian bit his soft lips. “I wouldn’t mind that in the slightest, Miss Mirko.”

“It’s Aida,” she reminded him.

“Aida, then,” he said, and she didn’t know why, but she liked the way that sounded in his mouth.

[celestial-violencia]

10 Things to Expect as a Client – Preparing For a Tarot Session Pt. 2

Getting or considering your first tarot reading? Then this post is for you. Tarot readings can seem mysterious or scary. After all, how can a total stranger, or sometimes worse-a friend or family member, be able to dig up your secrets and know things you haven’t told them? How does tarot work? What should and shouldn’t your reader do?

One of the most frequent misconceptions about tarot readings are that all readers are mind-reading psychics. I have some bad news for you: most readers are not mind readers. “Testing” a reader by staying silent will result in the Universe giving you the message it thinks you need to hear…and if you’re sending telepathic signals to your reader that they can’t pick up on, this may not be what you were expecting. Does this make your reader a bad tarot reader? Absolutely not. Not every reader is psychic, period. Some readers simply read the cards and that is okay. Make sure you’re finding a reader that fits your needs. If you want someone who has more of a psychic connection, be up front.

The other thing to know about tarot readings is that they are not always love and light. Sometimes tarot can open up some heavy-hitting topics. The cards can indicate mental illness and sometimes even death. While you should never ask a reader to give you medical or legal advice, sometimes these topics do show in the cards. Your reader may give you general advice on the topics or ways that these topics may be affecting you emotionally, but again, do not accept any medical or legal advice from a tarot reader at face value and remember to consult with a licensed professional.

Another misconception is how a tarot reader presents themselves. Sure, some readers play into the stereotypes with their appearance or their shop appearance, but the majority of readers look just like you and me. There’s no wild costumes or anything crazy. Many readers now conduct readings in plain street clothes. So don’t be too surprised or disappointed that they might look “average” or be lacking the appearance of a “mystique.” They’re still perfectly valid readers.

So what happens when you get into the chair or video call from your reader? Your reader may ask you some basic questions to help get a better context for your reading, such as your relationship status if you’re looking for a love reading. Some people get defensive about this, but again, not all readers are psychics and need this information to read your cards in the correct context. For example, the 2 of Cups for someone who is single might indicate meeting someone new, whereas if you’re in a relationship it can symbolize being closer with your SO.

Your reader should be up front about pricing before the reading starts. Most readers charge by their time and these rates should be presented to you before you begin the reading. Many readers have you prepay before you sit with them, even if it is just a partial amount. But you should be clear on the price and how it’s measured. Your reader should never charge you for additional services such as curse removals, spell supplies, or anything along those lines. Those readers are scam artists and should be avoided at all costs. Your reader will never tell you things such as “You have a dark aura that needs cleansing” or “You have a generational curse on you that needs to be removed!” These people are not interested in helping you or giving you an honest reading. They just want to take your money. If a reader asks you to do anything along those lines, leave the reading.

If something negative does come up in a reading, your reader should have the tact and ability to broach the subject without being overly blunt or hurtful. Unless you’re paying for a tarot roast, your reader should be respectful towards you and treat these topics carefully.

Every tarot reader has their own tarot rituals. Some readers want their clients to shuffle the cards while other readers don’t allow anyone else to touch their cards. Some tarot readers cut the deck a certain way while other readers don’t cut the deck at all. There is no one right way of doing any of these things and they are personal to each reader. Do not worry if you sat with one reader who set up their rituals one way and then sit with a different reader who has set up their rituals another way. This should not affect the reading that you are being provided.

If you are paying for a reading and they do not tell you up front that they will be using a guidebook for your reading, I would be extremely wary of this. Some readers may reference the book for an oracle deck, but if they are reading verbatim from the guidebook, I would avoid these readers. In order to be a successful reader, you need to know your working decks inside and out. Not only is this unprofessional, but it shows a lack of experience. If you as a reader need to use a guidebook to conduct the reading, in my opinion, you are not ready to be a professional reader and need to obtain more practice before charging for readings.

Sometimes readers will give you homework after your reading. If you’ve been given a shadow work reading especially, your reader may give you things to do after your reading. These should not cost you any money to complete. Maybe they suggest journaling about experiences that are currently affecting you. If a tarot reader gives you homework, it should be something along those lines. Not “do this spell and it will fix your problems, and pay an extra $200 to buy the supplies!”

Some readers will record your reading. This can be an audio recording, video recording, or a written recording. This helps readers keep track of the readings they’ve done and enables them to go back and see how things have played out if you are a returning client or allows them to keep readings on record in the event that you want to request a copy of your reading at a future date. If you are receiving an online reading, most readers will email you a copy. Check with your reader before the reading.

These are some common misconceptions and practices for tarot readings from the client end. Always communicate with your reader and ask what their practices are as every reader has their own way of doing things. Don’t be afraid or feel like you’re bothering your reader by asking them about how to prepare for your reading and what to expect. Your reader should have a clear answer for these things. If they do not, don’t be afraid to cancel your booking or ask for a refund.

I hope this guide helps!

[kissmyshnymetalass]

Military Transition Information

Sections:

-          Actual GOMOR

-          REFRAD

-          SFL-TAP

-          Resources

-          General Separation Tips

-          Job Hunting and Resume

-          LinkedIn

-          Other Job Hunting Sites (ZipRecruiter/Clearance Jobs/etc)

-          Certifications

ACTUAL GOMOR Nothing to say about this really. It is what it is. You can’t fight it. My parents hired some hot shot civilian lawyer who was horribly expensive but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Ultimately it all comes down to the fact that it isn’t LAW. It is UCMJ and there’s nothing to fight. Your command team has that power. They just do. It is pure bullshit. It drives me crazy. You could try writing your congress person or the army times to put the spotlight on unfair, maddening, preposterous nonsense judgmental decisions but…otherwise you’re boned. My recommendation is to keep your head down and try not to freak out. When my battalion commander told me it would be permanently filed I had a total rage glitch and yelled at him. Did not improve my position, ha. See if you can get moved to another battalion or brigade. That’s a big ask because you’re now branded. But if anyone is still in your corner (a Battalion XO or S3 or even a S1 who is respected and will advocate for you. Maybe the Brigade FSO if you have a good reputation) it can give you breathing room to no longer be in that environment. I had pull with division and was able to get onto staff up there after my flag was lifted. They knew I was only there to transition and were really cool about it- your mileage may vary. REFRAD

The first step is to get a copy of the REFRAD packet. It is mainly memos. Your S1 should have a copy. Then clarify what gates it has to hit (Battalion to Brigade to Division to Installation to HRC I’m pretty sure) and who the people are. You can do this while you’re flagged (if you’re flagged which I assume you are). You can’t submit until you’re unflagged but you can do drafts and send them to the S1 to get corrections. I’d let your command know of your intent to separate if you have any kind of ability to talk to them and let them know you’d appreciate if they could sign this stuff right away. I made it overwhelmingly clear that I disagreed with their handling of the situation and would like to just get out of there as fast as possible. They obliged by signing everything without the “required” counseling sessions.

I submitted mine on like July 6th or 7th and received my approval from HRC O/A 20 August but had to hand walk it. Basically had to call the S1 shop at Battalion every day until they routed to Brigade. Then the same thing with Brigade. Then with Installation. Etc. It is just best to be a pain in the ass about it because otherwise it can get stuck at a gate and require corrections and you’ll just never know about it because S1 sucks, ha. After you get your approval from HRC you still have to wait to get clearing papers and orders. That can take a while. I’m pretty sure I had my orders 9-10 days after getting approval and was given clearing papers six working days before my final out (which was around 16 October). SFL-TAP SFL-TAP was stupid but you may see benefits. There were a couple of contractors hunting for separating Soldiers so you maybe you’ll meet someone like that. Otherwise SFL-TAP went over pretty basic stuff like “consider benefits in addition to salary when job hunting” or “here’s what to wear.” It was FINE. But I wouldn’t say that officers are really the target audience. They will expose you to a few transition assistance programs which could be helpful though. Like I think there is a Microsoft administrator course that is 3-4 months you can do that SFL-TAP can give you info about. Other things like credentialing programs, certification courses, job fairs, etc. I did not use any of these services but I have heard they can be helpful. RESOURCES YOU WILL HEAR ABOUT, YMMV ACP Partnerships. American Corporate Partners. Basically you can apply on their website and they can hook you up with a mentor in your preferred field. I did this and it was fine. I received a mentor but she wasn’t super helpful. I think your experience really depends on your mentor. I’ve heard from others that their mentors are awesome. The nice thing about this is that they assign you a mentorship manager and that person will be very aggressive about providing you with resources (interview prep, resume reviewer, etc)

Corporate Fellowship Program. You can visit hiringourheroes.org. They can basically set you up with a corporate internship. Usually reserved for service members who are going to stay geographically close to their installation. Once again, I did not use this service but I have heard GREAT things and have a close friend who participated and she raves about it. Cameron Brooks/other junior officer recruitment companies. I did Cameron Brooks for a few months. I did not tell them about the GOMOR, ha. Didn’t mention the flag at all. They won’t call your command or anything so I just viewed it as keeping non-essential information to myself. It was also fine. It is free. They will give you books to read and counsel you and do interview prep and everything. It is a nice service. They told me they only “accept the best” as clients. Probably not true so don’t let them convince you they are some secret sauce. They just have a very codified approach. I have heard from others that they can land you in a good job but most are in less desirable locations (like the mid-west. Or Kansas). If you are afraid of transitioning this is kind of nice. Like having a bossy older brother who “knows a guy.” Other Useful “Leaving the Army” Tips Make sure you have a log in to mypay set up. Once you final out your CAC won’t work anywhere. Forward yourself anything in your military email that you may need or want. Download your medical records. Set up a DS login. Stuff like that. I lost a lot because I never did it. Oh well. But learn from my experience, ha. Print off your clothing record and do CIF prep now. At my last installation they wouldn’t make me a CIF appointment until the last six workdays I was in the Army and I had to go back three or four times and it was stressful. Do your homework and equipment cleaning now. All in all it wasn’t too bad. Military surplus stores will work with you. The one near me let me take what I needed from them for free (like a sleeping mat, grenade pouch and ACU print assault pack) with the agreement that once I was cleared I would give them all remaining equipment I had. They made out big in that deal because after a decade I had a ton of shit. Do all the basics. Clean your stuff, get rid of tape residue, etc. Job Hunting and Resumes Oh job hunting. You son of a bitch. First things first, get LinkedIn. Get Premium. I’m pretty sure you can do this for free as a service member but I’m not sure how. I will go into way more LinkedIn detail in a moment. I started job hunting in August. It took three months to find a job. It was NOT easy. You need to write a resume. There are countless agencies who will review it for you for free. There is certainly someone in your SFL-TAP staff who will review your resume. Don’t worry- they will broadcast who they are. I’m sure if you reached out now they could send you examples and review your stuff. Get a lot of eyes on it. Friends, parents, those who have transitioned. If you have any friends in HR have them look at it. De-militarize it. You need to be submitting applications every day. I had a goal to apply to at least one job every day and generally applied to 3 or 5 each day. I applied to 200-300 jobs easily. I received rejections from around 100. The others didn’t even bother letting me know. Of those applications I had the most luck if I went to their LinkedIn page and found someone in HR and introduced myself and offered to provide any additional information. I scheduled around 12 interviews and made it to the second round for 4. Was ultimately offered two jobs in the same week at my price point but it took work.

Find recruiters on LinkedIn. Basically you can search for recruiters in your preferred area. Just add them. Add whoever. And send them an email. I did this and probably met with 10-15 recruiters. None of them were able to place me but talking to them was good. They can help you figure out how to present your skill sets and will send you resumes to review/copy and will sometimes review your resume for you. They WANT to place you because that’s what makes them money so don’t feel weird about reaching out to them. Talking to them is also good general interview prep because they ask most of the same questions an interviewing company would ask.

When applying for a specific job read the posting and then incorporate as many of the words they use IN THE FORMAT THEY USE THEM into your resume. They will almost certainly filter your application through a software designed to separate those totally unqualified. For instance, if you hold a project management certification and on your resume you write PMP Certified but in the job description they say “Project management professional certification preferred” then go back to your resume and change PMP to Project Management Professional.

Biggest piece of advice here is Don’t Give Up. It is soul crushing. You will feel panicked and shitty and underqualified. That’s normal from what I hear. Don’t marry yourself to the first job. I’ve heard from professional recruiters that companies are more likely to hire a veteran after he/she has successfully held a civilian job for one year after separation. My advice would be to accept a job that pays you fairly for the security and reassess after a year. There’s absolutely no problem with changing jobs later. LinkedIn Fuck you, LinkedIn. LinkedIn is such bullshit. But civilians are rock fucking hard for it. So get a LinkedIn. Make sure everything is up to date. Have a picture- NOT a military picture. The same boring one everyone has on LinkedIn. You’re wearing a tie. You’re smiling like a goober. Write all the bullshit nonsense about how you’re a trendsetter and a problem solver and an out of the box thinker. Really sell yourself. Make connections. Make as many connections as you can. For some reason you seem more hireable when you have a ton of connections. Find recruiters and add them. Find people who are doing the thing you want to do in the city you want to do it in and add them. Interact with people. It is all a show but just do it because that’s the game and the prize for winning the game is a nice salary and a successful transition. Find all of the companies who typically hire vets if you’re interested in that. Deloitte, Raytheon, Leidos, Lockheed Martin, etc. Most recruiters associated with these organizations put out content regularly that’s aimed at transitioning service members. They will host classes and online information sessions. Attend them. Follow the advice of the recruiters. All advise basically boils down to market yourself, make connections, expand your network, tailor your resume, follow up in a personal way to applications (contacting HR people or recruiters within the company), send out resumes daily, interview well, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Get premium so you can see who looks at your profile. Other Job Hunting Sites/Resources I actually got my job using ZipRecruiter, not LinkedIn. So I would definitely use ZipRecruiter. You can use ClearanceJobs if you have a clearance. You should go to whichever state you want to work in’s website as well because they’ll post local jobs (like working as a project manager for the department of transportation in Kentucky or whatever). I received a few interviews (well, 2) doing this. I think because it is kind of a pain in the ass to apply that way. Look at universities and hospitals in your preferred area. Often the jobs they post don’t make it onto other sites. Follow companies you’d like to work for on LinkedIn. Sometimes organizations will advertise openings that don’t make it to the LinkedIn job search function for some reason. Instead they’ll make a post about an opening and the link will take you directly to their website. Certifications Probably didn’t need this whole section but…get certs. They both matter and they don’t matter. I don’t think my certs really helped me get my job but they certainly didn’t hurt. PMP (as aforementioned) is a big one.

[prorevenge]

Shop owner ends in hot water for being a crook

Cast: Me - yours truly, F - friend and coworker, B - boss, or bastard, you choose.

Some backstory (sorry for the long one, but there are things I need to make clear):

This happened 10 years ago. I was 18 and this was during the spring period of my junior year. I wanted to get money for a new mobile phone and a school trip to Austria, in order to practice on my German (my major was Math and German). My dad didn't want to give me the necessary 350 Euros for them, even though I was a 4.0 GPA student, calling me spoiled and selfish and asking me to get a job, just like all other normal teens at that time (actually none of my classmates were working, all were given the world by their parents for being in one of the most elite high schools in the city, but hey, you can't choose your family). So I got me a job at a local tobacco shop. It was right across my block of flats, so it was taking me 2 minutes to run from my flat to the shop, no big deal.

The owner of the shop (B) was a short man in his 40s, a man with good demeanor, or so I thought. He owned 4 other shops and needed workforce. We initially agreed for a payment of 15 Euros/day, I would work 4PM to 1AM, 4 days a week, including Saturdays and Sundays, so I would not miss on my schooling. He would pay me once every 2 weeks and even stated he would give me a raise after the first month.

The tobacco shop was selling not only tobacco products, but also alcohol, coffee, nuts, candy, chips, coke and its products etc. It allowed customers to get a cup of coffee which was freshly ground, as well as freshly squeezed orange or grapefruit juice.

So I started in the beginning of March. I was working with two other people, a 45-ish-year-old fat woman with a whining character, who would usually take the morning shifts from 6AM to 4PM and a 19-year-old beautiful girl (F). Also, I need to mention that, at that time, the store would share a toilet with a Courier service office, this is important for later.

There is one more thing I need to add - my country's labour codex states that employees must get a double payment during official holidays and also have at least 12 hours of rest between shifts. This is also important for later.

So initially I was doing fine - I did a couple of days of training, I learnt how to operate and clean the coffee machines, the juice machine, the cashier, the receipts (I needed to press Enter 3 times to enter the products in the system and take a receipt), this is important for later as well). It was quite easy, because I operated fast with money and calculations, and overall was quite trustworthy. I had some small incidents with minors who came asking for beer and cigarettes, but I would not sell the items to them, as it is illegal (my colleagues didn't care about that, but I was taught to uphold the law). Some of the frequent customers, who lived in the hood, would also initially be annoyed with me as well, because they were expecting from me to know the brand of cigarettes they smoke. Yes, there would be conversations like "two packs of my cigarettes - which brand? - Marlboro, you are supposed to know that - sorry, I only work here since recently - well, I come here every day, you should have remembered by now...". Eventually, this stopped, but I got the stink eye from some of them from time to time, because I am a sworn non-smoker, for me all cigarettes are poison, no matter the brand and the strength, and they didn't like that.

Overall, the job was not hard, and I had free Wi-Fi, so I would often bring my laptop to watch Youtube videos or listen to music online (at that time smartphones were expensive as hell and I had a regular mobile phone)

My first two fortnightly salaries were okay. I was supposed to get 120 Euros each, I got something like 110, but this was because I would get a random snack from the shop when I got hungry, and B would deduct all from my payment, which was okay. Also, B initially wanted me to add the tip to the cashier (the tip was the change (5, 10, 20 cents), which the customers would often not take and in the end it would add up to a few Euros), but we agreed for it to remain for me, as the other employees would also take it with them.

A month has passed. It was April, the days started to get warmer and B had permission to set a couple of coffee tables with chairs in front of the shop, so customers could drink their coffee and have a chat with a friend. I was instructed to take the tables and chairs back in the shop around 20:00, and a sign was posted on its front door.

So here started the problems.

After my first month I approached B for a raise, he said I was still a bit rusty and to wait at least 2 more weeks. He also gave me the contract to sign. I never got a copy, but, since this was my first job, I didn't know I needed one. I never got a raise as well, because I was "losing his customers". Bastard.

I had good relations with our colleagues at the courier office, but once I had a problem with them, because I took out the trash, but forgot to clean the juice machine. I threw the orange remains in the toilet, but one tiny piece of orange seemed to remain on the edge, so I was yelled by B and was fined 10 Euros.

There were two other times I was fined 10 Euros, for forgetting to turn the outside lights off and for forgetting to put the daily report in the shop log, but this was my fault. My second coworker would also report me for missing a trash bag or failing to put the items in the fridges in order, but she never took out the trash and never tidied up, so this actually went against her. I never had problems with F.

I had problems with some of the local customers, though. I live in a considerably poor neighbourhood and there are different types of scumbags who live there. There is this group of 10 people, in their late 40s and 50s, who are alcoholics and were sitting at the coffee tables until dark, as if this was the local pub. When I asked them to leave, because it went past 20:00 and I had to take the tables to the shop. I was yelled by them drunks and later by B as well, because I was "losing frequent customers for being rude and disrespectful to them", even though I almost ended up in a knife fight with one disgusting animal.

The cherry on the cake was the incident with an entitled mother, because she had sent her child to buy her beer and cigarettes and I refused to sell the items to him, because it is against the law. I then got a fine of 30 Euros by B and was pretty pissed.

In the last week of my work, in the beginning of June, B asked me to go and work in other shops, stating there was a sick employee and he needed me there. It was Friday, I ended up working from 15:00 to 22:00 in the local shop, then he took me to one of the other shops, where I worked from 23:00 to 08:00 on Saturday. Then he asked me to work from 23:00 to 11:00 on Sunday and wanted me to be at 16:00 in my local shop, but I refused, because I was exhausted. He threatened to not pay me extra, and we agreed to go to the shop at 19:00, after I got some sleep (I was supposed to get at least 12 hours between the shifts, as I mentioned above, but he didn't care).

After this exhausting time B wanted to change me to another shop, but I refused due to my schooling and also because I wanted to remain in the same shop. But he got some new workers and said I would not be working until the end of the week. Eventually I understood he had terminated my contract and also refused to pay me for the last 2 weeks, nearly 200 Euros in total with the extra shifts.

There are a few more things, which are important:

Some of my free days I spent with F. She was at work and I was in the shop with her, having a chat and being together, because she had some mild form of anxiety and didn't want to remain alone. During this time I noticed she used a different combination to enter the products in the system - enter, enter, 1, enter. I understood that this would enter the items in the system, but would not send the information to the receipt machine, and this would not get a receipt and thus the boss would not have to pay VAT for the items. I also understood later that he asked for everyone else to do it, everyone but me, because I wanted everything to be legal.

There was a new coworker, whom B liked and tried to seduce. He was overtly sexist and wanted to hire attractive girls, whom to pay more and to be more clingy towards them. I didn't like that at all. So the new coworker ended up being very crooked and actually stole around 400 Euros, which B blamed me for, and said he had camera recordings, but this was all bullshit.

So after all of this I was angry and wanted revenge. Initially I spoke to a friend, who advised me to report him to the local Labour Inspection office, which I did. It almost ended with a lawsuit and I was threatened by my boss this would cost me dearly, so I backed my claim, because I needed a clean legal certificate, because I was going to the Bulgarian Naval Academy in a year and didn't want to jeopardize my future. My dad got softer on me and paid for my phone and the trip, saying I earned them, because it wasn't my fault for why I didn't have the money, it was the moron of a boss.

Years have passed. I got discharged due to medical reasons and came back to my hometown. I got a new job and was living with my father, until I get better. The shop was still owned by this prick and he was going around town in a very expensive car, and I even saw him once to smoke Cohiba cigars, which usually go 15-20 Euros a piece. In the mean time he was still paying 15-20 Euros a day to the shop assistants, and I understood he was desperate for workforce.

So I decided to turn all of this against him. I knew some of the workers, as we grew up together, and they complained how much of a crook B was. I hated him for being so cheap on his employees and so large in personal spending. We started a rumour about how bad of a boss he was and to stay away from him. Word got out and he not only started losing assistants, but no one would want to ask him for a job.

One time police was nearby. Someone had broken one of the shop's large windows with a stone and stolen a large amount of cigarettes. The losses were for about a thousand euros, from what I understood. B also had to pay for a new window, and that would cost him more. Apparently, he had pissed off a lot of people.

I also suggested to some of his former employees, whom I knew vaguely, to file individual reports against B in the local Labour inspection office, like I did all those years ago. I explained they would definitely rattle his cage. A lot of reports went in, and I understood there was a major inspection of all shops. They could also use my information, but I asked them to take me off the case, I didn't want any recompense, only to watch him burn.

Eventually, B disappeared. What I understood, is that he ended up with a lot of problems, because he was charged with mistreatment of his personnel, violation of the Labour codex, felony tax evasion and a number of other charges.

So far I know that he is somewhere in the UK, while the business is handled by his brother and wife. His shops were cut in half due to the lack of workers, and I understood they were about to close another one as well. His business is not as successful as before, and I also understood it is frequently inspected.

Now, I know B didn't end up in jail, or at least I don't know about it. But I don't care. Sooner or later everyone gets what they deserve. I will not be the person to put him behind bars, but most of those people still greet me with smiles and give me updates on the case. They also thank me for giving them the idea of filing reports and using their rights. I guess I am the mastermind behind all of this, and, to be honest, I will be extremely happy, when he gets what he deserves from being a crook and a piece of trash. And the best part is - I don't have to do anything about it.

TLDR - I had a disgusting crook for a boss during my first job. He exploited me and other employees, I suggested to them to file reports against him, and he got into a lot of trouble for this.

(source) story by (/u/zerberos666)

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

Serious Consideration

Two days ago the sous chef at the restaurant my husband works at was fired.  Yesterday the owner told Husband he’s expected to work that job as well as his current responsibilities.  Today Husband said he’d only be doing that if 1) he was given the promotion and title, and 2) he’s given the same wage as the sous chef was.  The owner said the position will no longer exist, and he won’t get a promotion or pay raise, and that he needs to be a “team member.  Husband said he’s not going to work the extra responsibilities without the raise and title.

For several weeks he’s been looking for a better job with better pay.  Today he’ll be more aggressive about it.  He has over 30 years experience working in the restaurant industry.  Earlier this year the head chef quit and someone with very little experience and no management skills was promoted to the position.  NO ONE LIKES THIS GUY!  He’s been fucking up left, right, and center.  Husband should have gotten that job, everyone but this guy feels the same way, and the owner refuses to listen to reason. 

The owner claims to be a “good Christian” but is a hardcore capitalist and treats his employees as slaves, giving raises only because the state has increased the minimum wage.  He’s raising wages a little bit every year only because the state requires it, and would have everyone at minimum wage if he could.

So here’s what we’re considering: We need to move out of the area. 

The place has been fraying on our health.  The air quality has me fucked up due to the fact people here would rather use wood-burning fire place instead of cleaner safer options to heat their homes.  Fire season has fucked with my asthma, allergies, and done a number on my anxiety and mental health.  The dry air hasn’t helped with my breathing; I went from using my emergency inhaler maybe two or three times a year to using it almost daily (and every time we leave the house).  Husband’s allergies have gotten worse since moving here (his sister, who convinced us to move here, said his allergies would basically vanish here), resulting in a lot of headaches, frequently requiring a third and even fourth allergy medication to control them (both meds make him extremely drowsy), and feeling like shit.

Rent is shitty here, and our landlady keeps raising the rent every year.  Finding a new place is nearly impossible due to 1) high rental prices on very small places ($800 for a 350 sq ft studio apartment) and 2) few places available (a lot of people live in RVs because there’s nowhere else to live).  When we moved in back in 2017 after a fire took our previous home (yay for renter’s insurance) rent on this place was $900.  It’s now $1090 and she plans on raising it another 10% every year.  If we sign another contract for this place, rent will be $1110.  Fuck that, we can’t afford it.

Well-paying jobs are hard to find in even the restaurant industry.  They all want to start Husband at state minimum wage!  WTF!?!

Finding good doctors and counselors here that can provide me with the treatment I need is difficult.  This is a rural fucking area.  We have to drive over an hour to get to my neurologist, who’s an asshole, but the only neurologist who accept Medicare.  My primary physician is well-loved and as such is booked with appointments going as far as six months ahead.  It took almost FIVE YEARS to find a counselor who’s qualified to treat me and accept Medicare and Medicaid.  Said counselor has urged me to move to the other side of the Cascades as soon as we are able.

We have exactly zero friends here.  The two we do have will soon no longer be here.  One is the former sous chef and the other is his wife.  They have family on the other side of the Cascades who will help cover the cost of moving over their, and the two of them will be gone by the end of November.

Husband is on the verge of a psychotic break from all the stress at work, finances, and taking care of me (I’m disabled and he’s my official caretaker).  I want to help with the finances, hence selling the quilts I make, but so far I’ve had very little luck.

We generally hate the area and it benefits neither of us to remain here.  We simply can’t afford to actually move.

I need/want to set up a GoFundMe.  We’ll need a minimum of $25k.  Why?  We can’t physically pack and move everything ourselves.  Our physical health will be put at serious risk.  We have a lot of heavy furniture and no one to help us pack and move it.  I cannot physically help beyond packing smaller things and putting the boxes in piles for Husband to move.  He will be doing all the heavy lifting on his own, risking serious injury.  We need to hire professionals or people in general to at least help us move everything into a truck we rent.  We have no local friends who will/can help us.  Then there’s the cost of the rental moving truck (U-Haul or Penske).  On top of this we’ll need to break the contract on our current rental home.  We’re signed up till July 2020, and if we break contract it’s going to be expensive, and we won’t get our security deposit back.  The chances of us finding someone to take over the rest of the contract is slim to none.  We also need money for some kind of housing while we seek out more permanent residence wherever it is we move (we’re looking at Beaverton or Keizer here in Oregon).  Husband says he can get a job in any restaurant that’s hiring, and is willing to work as a server/waiter while looking for something better.  Our two friends are moving to Keizer and will likely be able to help us find housing and Husband a well-paying restaurant job.  We’ll likely put a lot of our things in storage and rent a smaller place if we can’t find a place of similar size to what we’re living in now (a double wide, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, trailer/manufactured home).  Husband says he’s fine with a one or two bedroom, and I’d get the largest room/space for my sewing and home-activity stuff because I’m home 90% of the time and need the space.

Do I think we’ll be able to raise the money?  I’m not even gonna bother getting my hopes up.  It’d likely take months, even up to the month where we wouldn’t even have to break our contract.  Moving between late November to the end of March is dangerous because we’re traveling through high elevation and mountains.  They get LOTS of snow, including snowstorms and blizzards, during the winter months.  We don’t want to risk getting stuck or dying.

Our final car payment in February, at which point we’ll be able to save $300/month.  We have two credit cards to pay off ($1200 and $6100), $200/month between the two of them.  Plus there’s Husband’s student loans ($30k) and we’re on a payment plan of $60/month.  The money for the move won’t be applied to these bills unless absolutely necessary.

My SSDI (social security disability income) is $740/month, which covers most of our monthly bills, but not nearly enough to be livable or help out with the move save for paying said bills.

Would any of you be willing to make a donation to my GoFundMe?  I have 1049 followers, so just $10 from you would cover half the cost.  I know most, if not all, of you won’t be able to make a donation, which is perfectly fine. 

All funds selling my quilts will be applied to the credit cards.  The stained glass quilt would cover one of the credit cards straight away.  If all the others sold before the move, that’d make a huge punch in the other credit card bill balance.

We won’t be pulling out a loan for the move.  That’s another monstrous bill with a HUGE interest rate (I’ve seen them as high as 50% interest within 3 months of getting the loan, and that’s through a bank.  Personal loans are a very bad idea.). 

I’ll be going over the details of the GoFundMe with Husband later. 

Let me know if you’d be willing to help. 

[pjstafford]

You made us. Blog eight of Disability in the World of the X-Files Series Eve Discussion

I should probably begin with the fact that I love the episode Eve. It strikes all the scary, horror chords well. We have psychopathic, homicidal twins ten year girls committing patricide. We have cloning and a crazed lunatic plus two identical surburbia homes states away from each other. What is scarier than suburbia? We, also, have an introduction to the infertility/cloning dynamic which would pay such an important part in the series mythology; although it is unlikely that anybody involved with the X-Files would have realized that this early in only the 11th episode of the first season.

Reviewing this episode in a disability focused perspective presents challenges because some of the most disturbing facets of this episode in terms of the portrayal of disability are the things that make the episode one of the pure scariest episode in X-Files history. Perhaps, in a way, that is the point. Our fear of mental illness. and the history of how individuals with mental illness have been treated have such a tangled, twisted chain in our cultural consciousness that public policy and health care implications persist today. It is because of this that the images and stereotypes resonate and scare us so completely.

Where to begin then? I want to address the institutionalization of individuals with mental illness, eugenics, chromosome disorders and the complicated issues of guilt and shame “family” feel when mental illness exists and is inherited. It’s a lot to discuss, but in a disability focused review of The X-Files “Eve” deserves this attention.

Institutions-Viewers might remember that the agents went to a psychiatric facility in the pilot. They might think about other episodes where the agents visit treatment facilities. In Eve, the agents visit a institution for the criminally insane. The institution is a lock down prison type facility. It could not be more dehumanizing. The agents are given panic buttons. We hear the screams of inmates as they walk down the hall. Then, if that is not terrifying enough, they are given flashlights to enter the cell of a woman who apparently has an extreme case of light sensitivity. The woman is shackled and chain because, she discloses, she bit into the eyeball of a guard. She, then, makes biting gestures and noises which makes the viewer think of Hannibal Lecter. Wow, what happened to the love and caring this show demonstrated in the last episode for “delusional schizophrenic” Max Fenig.

“Eve” aired December 1993 which is a significant period in deinstitutionalization for persons with mental illness. (Please note the issues discussed in this section are specific to institutions for persons with mental illness not developmental or cognitive disabilities). Between 1977 - to the mid-late 90’s proponents of humane conditions for persons with mental illness argued for and mostly succeeded in closing down institutions for persons with mental illness in support of community mental health care. In 93, then, the country would have had significantly fewer people institutionalized than even five years earlier but there would have been heated debate about how far to go in these efforts. This show is meant to promote fear and it is not a clear cut case on which side of the debate they might have been. If the thought of walking into a facility like this fills you with dread, it should. We should all be aware of the history- in one facility in California one single doctor lobotomized 200 individuals, shock therapy, hydrotherapy were all “treatments”. However, closing of facilities without adequate community resources clearly was not the answer. It created scores of homeless individuals- individuals who were and continue to be dumped on the streets because they don’t have the resources or wherewithal to care for themselves. Ask yourself who could be more vulnerable to victimization than individuals with mental illness living on the streets. Today, the number one behavioral health provider in most municipalities in this country are the prisons. There are some prisons with behavioral or mental health care facilities. 26 years since this show aired the ramifications of shutting down institutions continue. Yet, people then and now are afraid to have persons with mental illness in the community. The Eve known as Sally Kendrick makes the argument that in a supportive environment and with medication people like her could lead productive, normal lives. It’s a sound argument if she had not experimented on ova then placed said ova into infertile women, kidnapped two young results of that experiment and held a gun to one threatening to shoot and telling Mulder that he knew she was capable. When the Eve in the institution says of the Eve known as Sally that “ I am her and she is me and we are all together” it can be seen as a chilling statement about mental healthcare in the US or about the mental instability of people living in the community who were previously institutionalized.

Eugenics- it is worth noting, however that the XFiles could argue they were not making a statement about mental illness because these were not simply individuals who were mentally ill. These were genetically altered individuals created as a race of super soldiers. This will be another theme throughout the series’ history. Given the importance of this to the show’s mythology and the fact that this is the first episode it plays a major role, it is worth providing a contextual backdrop of eugenics and the United States. I guess most of us think our role was to fight the Nazis becauss extermination camps was an extreme attempt to assure genetic purity. However, we forget that at the turn of the 20th century the eugenics movement was quite strong in the US and, for people with disabilities, this often meant forced sterilization and experimentation. Today Infertility clinics will often ask about and reject donors with a family history of mental illness and some people make abortion decisions strictly around testing to determine if the child might have disabilities (more usually, since you can’t screen for mental illness in fetuses, the screening is for diagnosis relating to chromosomal disorders).

Chromosomal disorders- the Eve’s have extra chromosomes which leads to heighten intelligence, heighten strength and heighten psychosis. They have a tendency to suicide and /or homicide. Chromosomal disorders might also cause Down Syndrome, Angelman Syndrome, Prader-Willie, and Williams syndrome. This show never references those conditions, but it is hard to hear conversations about chromosomal disorders and not think about individuals we know who have chromosomal differences.

The last topic area is the topic of family reaction when mental illness may be genetic and inherited. The reaction of the only living parent of the two girls is telling. She went from loving her daughter and calling her “special” to burning all her pictures and denying any association. Many individuals with mental illness are rejected by family. On the other hand the Eve’s felt some type of responsibility and need to care for the girls. I was struck by the scene where Sally Kendrick is pleading with the girls to remember they are human. However when she asks the girls why they killed their fathers and eventually why they poisoned her the girls response is “You should know. You made us.” I fear this is representative of how many parents feel when their children are diagnosed with mental illness. The stigma is so strong that mental illness is not seen as a disease but a character flaw. Parents are often ashame and blame themselves. This, incidentally, goes back to the eugenics movement discussion and the fact that there were many “scientific articles” at the turn of and the early 20th century arguing that bad genes were part of the problem.

At the beginning of this blog I said I liked this episode. I do. The X-Files was a horror show and under no obligation to create a politically correct, sterile world of perfection in how they portray issues around disability. Instead look at this blog as an analysis of our society as much of as the X-Files. This show had insane asylums for the criminal ill and a discussion of eugenics and those are topics laden with history of horrors. It also had people with mental illness in our community and a discussion of chromosomal differences. Why should the latter two things be equally scary? How does a parent fear of having a child with mental illness factor into why this episode is scary?

I u dertook this analysis of theis series because I thought it could make us think of ourselves and of our society through the lens of our entertainment. It is significant because we the viewers made this show a success.The production company 1013 catch phrase may be “ I made this”, but we the fans kept it on the air and asked for it to return for two more seasons decades after it had ended. It is worth looking critically at why the disability constructs in this episode scared us so deeply. We should ask why. As the little Eves would say “ You should know. You made us.”

[marriedandttc]

One of the themes for this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week is Infertility Uncovered - an opportunity to speak about the realities of infertility, raise awareness, and shed an overwhelming stigma.

So, here’s Our Story

💕

Stephen and I began trying to expand our beautiful little family in January 2015. I had previously been on Depo-Provera for two years, which has a reputation for taking a while to leave the body. Because of this, we assumed it would take about a year! Six months to wear off and up to six months to conceive, a pretty average time frame.

Except... after a year nothing happened, even though my body regulated quicker post-birth control than we expected.

In January 2016 (22 & 25) we made our first appointment to get help. That discussion with my primary care physician left us literally laughed out of the exam room with messages of, “You’re too young.” “Just relax.” “You are trying too hard.”

I was absolutely gutted but we took comfort in the fact that the doctor was not concerned. They’re the ones that spend years of post-education doing this, not us.

In June 2016 (22 & 25) we had been trying for 18 months (well past the one year required for an infertility diagnosis). I made a second appointment, this time with an OB/GYN! Unfortunately, this experience went similarly.

The doctor insisted that we were too young to be having problems and it would magically happened if I suddenly quit worrying. They shoved an unnecessary Pap Smear on me and sent me away.

In October 2016 (23 & 26) I was prepared to try again, 22 cycles in. I made an appointment with a second OB/GYN at the same office we previously used. At this appointment I came armed with a notebook containing a year of cycle notes, OPK tests, intercourse tracking, and symptom spotting. I was determined for someone to see the problem that was so blatantly obvious to me.

This appointment brought the most infuriating response yet. The doctor barely took note of the information I provided and simply told us, point blank, “You are the last appointment of the day and I’m running late for a family dinner so I’m going to make this brief. You are too young to be worried about this. The birth control you were on can take years to expire (even though the proof it already had was in her hands). I could run some tests and send you to a specialist in Sioux Falls but they’re too expensive for you, and it will take lots of time. You will walk in here pregnant by Christmas.”

There was no time for discussion, consideration, or compassion. We were dismissed with blatant disrespect so she could get to her family dinner.

It was at this point I knew we had been failed by the medical community.

We had nearly doubled the amount of time required to pass before we were entitled to testing and treatment. I had done everything I could from home and it wasn’t working. We needed help and took every necessary step to begin - but we kept getting turned away based on our age and assumed financial status as newlyweds.

My spirit was shattered and I gave up on ever receiving infertility testing, let alone treatment.

In February 2017 (23 & 26) a friend pushed me to try one more time. I was hesitant and dreaded the appointment but figured it was time to try being 26 cycles in.

This time we went to not only a new doctor but a new office entirely - and that’s when everything changed. Dr. E walked into the room and asked us to explain why we were there today. I sucked in a large breath of air determined to spit out over two years of tracking and information to plead our case before he could cut us off. I was red in the face, breathless, and overwhelmed when when he kindly said, “Something here is not right. I’m prepared to help you as soon as you are ready to get started.”

I could hardly wrap my head around the words coming out of his mouth.

Unfortunately, this is when we ran into our second type of stigma.

Being an overweight woman.

Since I had never confirmed I truly ovulated after a positive OPK we began by doing hormone panels. The doctor thought they were fine but perhaps I wasn’t ovulating properly. We put my body through four months of Clomid and one month of Femara with ultrasound monitoring and timed intercourse in an attempt to get pregnant.

During this treatment there was no consideration given to my husband, I was the one being prodded, poked, and pestered at every turn. It was worth it in the search for answers.

In July 2017 (23 & 26) a full 32 cycles into trying to start our family we finally went into a full fertility workup. Both Stephen and I did two pages full of tests to dig deeper into what was happening - and our worlds were turned upside down overnight.

The results of my tests came back within normal ranges as expected, but the same could not be said for my husband. What we saw was a severe case of male factor infertility.

With these results we immediately got transferred to a reproductive endocrinologist 200 miles away.

The following month we would have our intake appointment where Dr. M let us know the only option for treatment is IVF (an advanced reproductive technology). Unfortunately, we were remarkably far away from the parameters for IUI.

One cycle of IVF runs anywhere from $14,000 - $20,000+ out of pocket because our insurance offers zero coverage.

This is the financial restrictions everyone believed we couldn’t overcome.

But in September of 2017 (24 & 27) after 33 cycles of trying to have children we went through our first cycle of IVF. We had 21 eggs, 16 embryos, and on transfer day had one early stage blastocyst and one morula to transfer. While these results were disappointing we held onto hope.

Eight days after our transfer we found out that the results were negative and our first IVF cycle was a failure.

Over the next year we fundraised, entered grants/scholarships, and invested every extra cent we had into paying off our failed loan.

Thankfully we were able to undergo our second round of IVF in February 2019 (25 & 28). This time we collected 14 eggs, had 5 embryos, and on transfer day had two morulas to place.

Again, the results were far from what we wanted but hope prevailed. Eight days after our transfer we found out it was another failure.

Today we are 52 months and over $37,000 into trying to conceive.

Despite the hurdles we have dealt and the inevitable struggles that come with it we are proud of the foundation we are building and the expanded family that will surely follow.

A lot of people think that infertility is a state of mind - we need to stop thinking we are infertile and instead focus on being fertile.

But I disagree.

I believe in acceptance of infertility. It’s not a dirty, bad, or negative word. It’s the reality of what we have been going through. It’s a word that reflects endurance, strength, and durability. Infertile people can be parents - we are capable, and we WILL.

It’s not a matter of if, but when.

And that’s totally okay.

#InfertilityUncovered #NIAW #NationalInfertilityAwarenessWeek RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

[dollsonmain]

As per the usual, I’m exhausted. Haven’t been eating. Haven’t been sleeping. Am just angry.

And Lusis is still sitting in PA instead of having moved again overnight, which would have put her at delivery today. Maybe tomorrow.

I was going to take the boy to the park to do some litter control since I don’t have the energy to actually play with him, it would be good to do anyway, and we haven’t done ANYTHING this summer, but now I get to play phone tag with Home Depot.

The discount That Guy pushed for was 25% (3794.73). Their offer was about 6.5% (975). I accepted it to put an end to this mess and it still hasn’t ended.

I’ll call today and see if they can get that paperwork while I’m on the line with them, or if they can’t, whether they can get someone authorized to send large value gift cards (they do Vanilla Visa which can be used everywhere just not online) on the line. Then I would pay the full amount without amending the contract and just have to wait for an invoice, which is another demand by That Guy, and a gift card that’ll never come.

I don’t care. But if they do send it as a gift card, I AM TAKING IT. And I am USING it. For myself. For things I like and shit I want. That are just for me. Not for the house. Not for the boy (ok maybe for the boy I like the boy). Not for That Guy. For me.

But, this does pose another problem. That Guy’s method of me taking care of bills while he’s gone is Stupid. And, thanks to many, many medical bills that were sent as a series of smaller bills instead of two full-value bills during this trip, in addition to him extending this trip twice instead of coming home where he has to be to rectify the situation when he was initially supposed to, I’ve run out of magic money papers (MMPs).

I’ve already had to send myself a MMP with a value of 3000 to cover the smaller bills with my own MMPs, with the instruction to use the few remaining of his to pay large bills, like the mortgage.

That was working out fine, as in we’d run out completely before he returned but it wouldn’t be an issue and he could make more when he gets back, until he bought a vacation package pushing the credit card bill from a manageable-in-this-stupid-system 200 or so to 3000.

So now I have: 

Mortgage - 2000

Contractors - 2500

Credit Card - 3000

Roof Install - 11,000

As you can see, that’s well over the 3000 I was given when his MMPs ran out. And there are only three of his MMPs left.

So, I think I’m going to have to talk to Home Depot today, and send myself another MMP with enough $$ to cover at least one of those large bills.

[dailrpwmf-blog]

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