#only technically its like barely a spoiler

[zo1nkss]

I see this on Nathan Foad's ig? I think of how in a modern world Lucius would post a billion photos of his husband.

YOU'RE SO RIGHT he would be so very in love with him and I would never be able to look at his page because I would be sick with it.

You think Ed and Stede are bad this season? Imagine Lucius with an instagram and a fiance. Bar none.

[larcenywrites]

For Love, We Sin the Most

Nightcrawler x Reader

Technically spoilers if you read any x-men anthology and haven't made it through second coming/ haven't read quest for nightcrawler. I don't get into many details or stay very canon anyway lol

Warnings: 18+ | no pronouns or assignments used for reader | unprotected sex | sex in a church | kinda public sex? | an established relationship of some kind ;) | sad | but happy ending! sort of | lots of plot with some porn | comfort/fluff | a little foreplay, a little aftercare | light bondage? sorry I really love his tail

Word count: 2,650

Summary: The resident catholic is having a hard time settling with the terms of his resurrection and just trying to feel again.

When Rachel frantically called on you to find Nightcrawler, you probably preferred to find him in battle, fighting demons. Luckily, on a Sunday morning, you knew exactly where to look first, creaking open the large wooden door just enough to pass through into the small lobby. The lights were off, but there was low singing from further inside. You would have proceeded to peek past that second set of doors, but the quick flick of blue that curled out from the sunlight and into the shadows nearby finished your investigation for you. 

Well, you did, in fact, find him fighting demons.

This would normally be the part where you'd tease him about being terrible at hiding, but you didn't need to see his face to hold your tongue. Instead, you found a nearby panel of switches, flooding his side of the room in low light. Without the darkness, he could no longer blend and hide, but he didn't recoil. Hunched over, his hands were clasped together on his knees, and his tail tightly curled over his feet. You approached him wordlessly. You could tell he was focused but not on you, proven when he crossed himself right on cue. A cue you hardly heard yourself. 

He continued to sit still for a few minutes. Obviously, he knew who stood before him. Otherwise he would have hid. Taking a deep breath, you placed a hand on his shoulder. "Shouldn't you be attending the service?" You asked softly. 

"I," he finally choked out after several moments. "I'm not sure I am allowed to anymore." His words, although quiet, dripped with despair. For him, this welcoming foyer was his ancient narthex, created for those who weren't allowed into the sanctuary but still wished to listen to its sermon. 

"Have you spoken to a Father about it?" Without further knowledge, you can only suggest a priest. 

"And what would I say?" Kurt raised his voice in his anguish and grimaced at his own volume. "What would he say?" He tagged on, much quieter this time. He practically curled into himself as if he were cold. You sighed sadly at the sight, looking away. A small staircase in the corner caught your interest and gave you another idea. Reaching your hands down to his, you unfurled his hands from one another and took them into yours. At the gesture, he finally lifted his head to look at you. It took all you could not to take his sad face in your hands instead. 

"I think he would tell you to come in," you reply in a gentle whisper. You smile down at him as you barely tug him towards you, convincing him to stand. When he finally does, you study him. His black blazer and black slacks, his white button-up shirt. A few top buttons were messily undone, but it only made him more handsome. Silently, with a hand in his, you led him up those wooden steps. Your intuition was right when they opened into a high balcony overlooking the inner room. That narrow gallery stretched against the wall was mostly dark, with only the tops of stained glass windows bleeding in light over the single row of benches. There was a reason someone like him chose such a dark, unpopulated church. 

As you began to leave the doorway, deadweight stopped you in your tracks. Looking back, a pair of downcast yellow eyes glowed under the wooden arch. Naturally, he blended into the shadow. You came back to him, taking his other hand and settling between him and the wall. At the very least, maybe it would help for him to see this place again, you figured. You let him listen, watching him closely as he watched the floor. 

And what a horrible day for a sermon about heaven. 

"I saw it, you know," he barely spoke up, accent whispering like a snake. "Paradise." He said the word hauntingly, not with any grandeur nor remorse. He turned his head as he spoke, looking down at the alter, but he seemed distant. Perhaps in memory. The light of the window caught his eye and reflected brilliant pale yellow. In the darkness, the other was like fire. 

"And yet you came back," you whispered back. Even you weren't quite sure what you meant by it, but he knew it wasn't merely an observation. Contemplating, he stared down into the room. The priest below continued, but you only wanted to hear whatever else Kurt had to say. 

"There were many reasons I did what I did," he soon continued, still not looking at you. "Did it the way I did." He never told you the full story, not even Logan knew. You waited for more, but he didn't respond. He probably didn't want to talk about it—at least, not for another few minutes.

"I never thought that love would be my greatest sin," he finally said. "I wanted so badly to come back," he nearly sobbed, quickly putting his hand over his mouth to keep from interrupting the service below. He gathered himself for a few moments. 

"To this place," he continued, "to my friends," he sighs before turning towards you, his fiery orbs still refusing to meet your gaze, "to you." Even when you cupped his cheek in your hand, his hand you left behind followed, fingers wrapping around your wrist. "That it would be greater than my love for God," he started but didn't finish when his voice began to rise again. By now he was rambling about things you hardly understood, but you hung on to every word. 

"You said it yourself," you gently tease, more loving than lighthearted. "There is no love without sin." With a soft smile, your touch on his cheek stroked over the fur on his neck and drifted over what bare upper chest those undone buttons revealed. You knew you shouldn't, not here, but as his expression only grew more somber, you found yourself sliding your hand further, reaching the space above his heart for only a second before frantic yet gentle fingers pulled you away, afraid of what you'd find.

Or the lack thereof. 

You couldn't stand to see him so sad, not even willing to look at you. As the preaching continued somewhere down below, something about fulfillment, there was really only one thing on your mind as you continued to watch his pained eyes. "Do you miss it?" You didn't mean to let your emotion ring in your tone as you whispered— doubt, disappointment, sadness. He picked up on it, raising his face once more to meet your gaze. Solemn eyes panicked, realizing his mistake. With a change of posture, he stepped closer, grasping your arm and placing your palm over his chest again. "Not in the same way I missed here," he reassured you. His eyes were still sad, but so earnest. You could feel the metal cross hanging from his pendant with how hard he pressed your palm into his chest. You both stared at one another in silence, but understanding. 

Something about the word doom was quietly uttered through the archway.  

"I realize now that I had already found Paradise," he proclaimed longingly, leaning in slightly. Though flattered, you only half-smiled. 

"You shouldn't talk like that here," you whispered, cupping his jaw. "Surely it's a sin." 

And he'd already cut his path of redemption short enough. 

"And yet it would be a sin not to." His tone was almost desperate. He leaned in closer, head tilted dangerously close to a kiss. You began to protest, but his grip on your arm tightened in defiance. "My soul is already adrift elsewhere," he hissed in a hurried whisper, "and He has no use for my body." He shook his head in defeat, tilting his chin to kiss the hand that held him before looking back up. "So if it's all I have left, I will use it to worship who does." His voice cracked against your lips, and he practically fell into you. 

Your back hit the wall with a thud that made you panic, but any protest of his name was muffled and lost between his lips. He could only follow what made him feel at the moment, and he'd come to his senses later, but right now, he was desperate to atone for his sins in a different way. It was a long, suffocating kiss that was touch-starved, hardly focused on any particular pleasure other than the need for your warmth. Despite knowing your current circumstances, you relaxed into him, taking your hand from his face and gripping the soft, indigo curls on the back of his head. He took that as his cue to press into you impossibly more, knees knocking with yours as you both nearly buckled from his weight. 

Finally, he pulled back just enough to catch his breath, warm breath fanning against your cheek a few times before eagerly diving back in. This time, he moved with you. Your noses knocked each time he rolled his head to find his favorite angle, and, in annoyance, you tried to hold him still with your hand on his neck and your grip on his hair. In response, his lips parted, tongue lapping at your top lip and tentatively touching yours when you let him in. 

His grip on your waist was harsh, almost as if he was scared that if he let go even a little, he might lose this moment forever. As if he couldn't hold you enough, his tail joined in, wrapping itself beneath your ass and tightly snaking around your waist. You felt him smile into the kiss when you pet over the peach fuzz of his tail before he abruptly pulled away from your lips, tongue sliding over your bottom lip as he withdrew into your neck. Sweetly, he kisses your pulse. And you know where he's going. 

"We should 'port somewhere else," you suggest softly. The light kisses on your neck become open-mouthed and wet, showing you just what he thinks about your suggestion. You catch the words reunion with God bouncing off the wall, and you weren't sure if the devil himself said it or the clergyman was sermonizing below. You tilted your head back for him at the prickling feeling of his fangs. 

With a mind of their own, your hands worked down the rest of the button on his shirt, splaying your fingers through the velvety fluff of his chest, barely able to feel the warm beating of his heart. At least you knew that he was alive, in some way or another. 

Making sure you could feel all of him, you pushed his blazer and shirt off his shoulders, feeling him down and scratching over his abs just the way he used to like it, and he tensed them just the way you remember. 

When his hands left your hips to slide off his clothes, they came back to do the same to you, sliding under your top and over your bare skin. You let him undress you, and eventually, you both stood nude. 

Even after being… gone for so long, he remembered just where to touch you. He held your hips flush with his while licked over your nipple, pawed between your legs, and tickled your inner thigh with the curling of his fuzzy tail. Feeling boneless, the wall helped him to hold you up while you focused on covering your mouth to muffle your pleasured moans and sighs. 

You were suddenly spun around, strong arms wrapped tightly around you as they swiftly lowered you to the wooden floor. Kurt's lithe form settled between your legs, back bowed as he bent down to mouth over your stomach. On his knees, he worshiped you carnally, hands gripping over-excitedly at your thighs and waist. 

Fingers around your wrist pulled your hand from your mouth, quickly replaced with that crushing pair of full lips again. Some would say he was desecrating holy ground, but Kurt would say quite the opposite. In a nest of clothes, right there in the dark loft of his place of faith, he took you. Whether it was because he was most comforted here or because he was angry at the circumstances, his hips pumped into you with a fervor that had you clawing into his back and biting his shoulder to muffle your whines. 

The floor was cold and hard and uncomfortable as he rocked you back and forth, but he was the opposite— warm and soft and lovingly fucking you into the ground. Luckily, the pious music drifting through the doorway covered up the sound of his cock slapping into you and his hissing moans as you bit and carved the punishment of love into his skin. 

You were ripped from his shoulder when he sat up, not even bothering to cover your gasping moan at the change in angle. Blunt nails dug into your skin as he held your hips, making your legs squirm and draw up behind him with the overstimulated pleasure. 

It was like a perverse religious painting, with his cross pendant wildly swinging above you and fangs gleaming along with his eyes; his tail, pointed like a devil's, bound your legs around his waist. This was heaven to him right now, watching you arch your back off the ground and eyes fluttering heavily as you both found that perfect sweet spot. 

It was when you came on him that his glowing eyes beheld the glorious sight he was searching for. He kept going, desperate to keep the image of your moaning, parted lips in his mind, and keep the feeling of your warm cream that dripped over his cock. "Oh~ mein gott," he growled at the way you tightened around him. You could almost laugh at the way he said it if you weren't busy trying to recover. "(Y/N)," he panted and spoke your name like gospel. "My dearest."

Your only response could be a meek whimper of his name, but it was enough when you weakly rolled your head to look up at him. If you couldn't tell by the way his brows raised and furrowed, you knew that he was right on the edge by the constriction of his tail around your ankles, keeping you bound around him while he came, throbbing, deep inside you. 

It was quiet now, aside from panting and the sounds of the congregation conversing and slowly departing that same creaking door that got you here in the first place. You felt you could finally relax and close your eyes when the last of the noise was shut out with the door, and you could finally stretch out your legs again as you felt his tail unravel. He had the same idea, stretching out his legs when he fell into your side. He let you have your space, but that sneaky tail laid loosely over your thigh. 

You felt a sort of regret for him as you turned to take in the proper view of his nude form lying elegantly in your bed of disheveled clothes, wishing to know what this meant for him… but you weren't going to ask, letting him bask in release— whatever kind it was. You reached for his pendant, twirling the chain between your fingers and observing the discoloration of the metal cross. Without even opening an eye, he took your attention away from it with a touch, making you hold his hand against his chest instead. 

"I-" You eventually break the silence but pause, unsure what excerpt you should say. It gets his attention, eyes lifting to look into yours. You muster a smile. "I'm glad you're back," you say softly, simply. Despite the circumstances, despite what it meant, despite what it's already done to you, you wanted to add, but his own bittersweet smile already knew what you meant. 

"Me too," he whispered and brought your hand up from his chest to kiss your knuckles. "Me too, my dear." 

[writing-fanics]

More Than Anything

Lucifer Morningstar x F!Reader

[summary: final battle lives lost but the show must go on!]

Masterlist > chapter I > chapter ii > chapter iii > chapter iv

[a/n: since it’s technically been a month Lucifer and Y/n’s relationship has blossomed but not into a romantic one just yet. Just maybe the occasional flirting but I will have flashbacks to moments to have it not feel rushed.]

[also y/n likes making cursed animal combinations like a dolphin with wings.. being in hell for a month has brought her out of her shell so much she’s much happier. also the reader is whatever height you are, but to me she's slightly taller than Lucifer. sorry if this seems rushed.. its alot of work y/n trained with vaggie in weapon combat. she also kinda had help from lucifer. if ya'll want I'll write another side chapter about what lucifer and her did in combat..]

word count: 3,789 {6-7 pages)

[warning: major spoilers for episode 7-8: mentions of sex: slight smut in the end (full poorly written smut in side chapter): death spoilers:

song

[Y/n] helped prepare the hotel while Charlie and Vaggie were out, she still couldn't help but think that if it all were to end tomorrow. Should she confess her feelings to Lucifer. She tried but failed weeks ago, and now with extermination day being 24 hours away. But even then would it even matter, if she did? If they were going to die what's the point? But then..

"Ugh, why do feelings have to be so complicated?!" She groaned to herself, as she helped fortify the hotel. In her own thoughts. Yet, she remembered how awkward Lucifer was acting this morning when they were eating breakfast. It could've been because of extermination day in the next 24 hours or maybe something else?

"A-Are you okay?" She asked worriedly, at Lucifer. Who scoffed in response and smiled nervously, "Y-Yeah, I'm alright fine perfectly fine." He sweats, as he looked at her nervously.

He watched as she left the manor to go help his daughter and the hotel prepare, and cursed to himself.. God, he was absolutely infatuated with her and couldn't even confess his feelings, for her. What if she dies? No don't think that he couldn't even bare the thought of losing her again.

He reached into his pocket and revealed the rubber duck with butterfly wings, and started at it softly.

[ Flashback ]

[Y/n] bit down on her lower lip, as she tried to make her first rubber duck. Squinting her eyes as she tried, to attach some butterfly wings. She smiled, jumping out of her chair in her guest room and ran down the hallway. She bursts into the room,“Lu, I did it!” She exclaimed, holding the rubber duck in her hands. Flapping its wings occasionally lifting itself off the palm of her hand. Flapping its wings.

“Wow, you did an even better job than me.” He said, causing her to blush. But shaking her head, “Nah, yours are way better.” She said, smiling looking at him.

She looked down at the rubber duck nervously, the extermination was only a few days away and people were preparing for a bloodbath a massacre, an all out war.

“I-I..” She sighed and downcasted at the ground, before shaking her head and smiled. “I made caramel apple pancakes.” She said, smile and Lucifer’s eyes lit up.

“Why didn’t you just say so!” He exclaimed, before she knew it he was already out the door of his study. Towards the delicious caramel apple pancakes.

She smiled sadly, looking down at the rubber duck. Pressing the secret button on its wing. “I love you!” It said its robotic child like voice exclaimed, and she looked down sadly. “I feel butterflies in my stomach when I’m with you,” she clenched her fist, almost crushing the duck but stopped. Looking at it sadly, “I really am pathetic.” she sighed, she walked over towards the shelf.

That had a rubber duck with similar top hat, to that of Lucifer and hesitantly placed it beside it. On the shelf, before backing away and leaving going downstairs to eat breakfast with Lucifer.

- ——

Lucifer entered his study after [Y/n] had left, to help prepare for war being a recently fallen angel and all. He sat at his desk, he glanced over at the shelf. Noticing a new rubber duck, figuring she must’ve placed it there.

He admired it in awe, the translucent butterfly wings. He remembered how much she loves butterflies, he remembered when she joked about combining the two. A Duckerfly. A duck with wings. Even then she was absolutely adorable, her jokes always seemed to make him laugh.

He titled his head noticing a hidden button on its wings, pressing it curiously. “I’m a duck with wings!” The duck said, and he chuckled.

“Duckerfly!”

“I love you!”

He stopped for a moment, processing what the duck had just said. Pressing the button again, “I get butterflies when I’m with you,” His heart seemed to skip a beat, he pressed it again.. and again and again. Until it looped back to it saying, ‘I love you.’

-------------------

[Y/n] smiled as she returned the hug, wrapping her arms around Charlie. “Thank you for everything,” thanked Charlie, looking up at the older woman smiling. "Ever since I was little," She said, looking up at her, "The stories, my dad used to tell me about you inspired me." and the older woman, looked at her and smiled her heart swelling with joy.

She chuckled softly, "When I was in heaven, I thought he'd forgotten about me." said [Y/n], her gaze soften as she reminisced of memories of the past. "Seems, it was quite the opposite who could've thought he'd tell stories of me to his own daughter." She said, smiling as she took Charlie by both hands.

She looked down at her, "You're like the child I've always wanted but never had," She said, the princess of hell couldn't help but chuckle, reminding her of the weird rivalry both her father and Alastor had.

"But, I'm not trying to replace your mother." She reiterated, "Not at all, I just want you to know. That I'm always here for you." She said, looking at her. Charlie pulled back from the hug, "I can see why my dad likes you so much," said Charlie, causing the woman in front of her cheeks to go red.

"Ah...Um.." She mumbled, but Charlie placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled, "It's okay, I think the two of you would be cute together." said Charlie, smiling. Even though she missed her mom Lilith, and that her dad might still possibly miss her. She couldn't help but notice even though on the small instances, her and her dad have spoke before all this.

She could see how happy he was having [Y/n] here, in Hell. She noticed the occasional flirting. Yes, it might sound weird but she loved seeing her dad happy more than anything. "U-Um, thank you." stammered [Y/n].

------------

[Y/n]'s eyes widened as the force-shield shattered, but she snapped back as an exorcists attacked her and she could've sworn, she heard her shout traitor. She made quick use of her weapon, and ended the exorcists life by cutting off her head.

Patches of her clothes covered in yellow ichor, a tiny cut on her cheek she sustained when fighting an exorcists. But slowly, everything seemed to go downhill as the one who was supposed to take care of Adam. Alastor had suddenly disappeared leaving Charlie to fear the worst.

[Y/n]'s eyes widened in horror as Sir Pentious' airship was destroyed, right before everyone's eyes. "No!" Charlie wailed, as tears brimmed her eyes in shock. She'd barely gotten to know Sir Pentious, in the month she was in Hell.

But, he seemed like a good person who genuinely wanted to redeem himself. Who gave trust to his friends. and in the end made the ultimate sacrifice. Gripping the weapon tightly in her hands, she charged towards Adam.

Almost impaling him, but he dodged out of the way. "Why look who it is?" He said, looking down at her mockingly. She glared at him, "Why isn't it little miss traitor." He said, and she snarled gritting her teeth as she lunged towards him, but he laughed and dodge.

"Wow, you look even worse than you did in Heaven." He mocked, and she pursed her lips eyes filled with rage. As she dodged his attacks, "Says the arrogant bastard who let himself go after Eden," She spat, and he glared at her sending a beam that almost hit her.

But wasn't so lucky about the next one, causing her to groan in pain. "Wow, you really suck at this don't you." He laughed, god she wanted to rip out his fucking tongue. "Do you ever stop fucking talking?!" She shouted, angrily.

Adam dodged her attacks as she sent them his way. Swiftly flying out of the way angering her, as her eyes started glowing as she swings at him with the angelic weapon. She glared at him angrily, “All this for a dick you can’t suck!” shouted Adam, and she glared at him angrily. Gritting her teeth, “Ugh! Fuck you.” she spat. Missing him once again.

“You really are pathetic you know that?” He laughed. Before she could even react a yellow beam, struck her already bleeding side. Gold ichor dripping from the wound, her movement faltering, "S-Shut the fuck up!" She shouted angrily, but a blast sent her flying backwards. Causing her to crash into, the hotel knocking her unconscious.

“Y/n!” Charlie shouted, watching as she plummet to the ground. But she didn’t, and felt a pair of arms wrap around her holding her, she looked up and smiled. She quickly wrapped her arms around him, “Lu,” She whispered.

Then her eyes widened, “Please tell me you didn’t hear that.” She looked embarrassed, cheeks red. Lucifer cocked his head to the side,“Not all of it just the, a dick you can’t suck part.” He said, her cheeks bright red. How she wanted to curl up into a ball and hide in a cave.

She pursed her lips inward and groaned, “I would kiss you now-” Her cheeks turned red, as a tomato as he said that. Even more so as he looked down at her with a mischievous grin, “But, we can do that later.” He said, a grin on his face then turning to are at Adam.

Glaring at him as well as she pulled away from Lucifer, “I’ll take you up on that offer, but first.” She clicked her tongue, gripping her weapon as she glared at Adam.

Seething her teeth, as she gripped the weapon tightly. “Let’s get this fucker.” She spat, with swift speed flying off towards the angel.

Lucifer smiled watching as she flew off, “That’s my girl,” He smiled, as the two of them flew off towards Adam. Following after her, the look of anger on his face seeing his daughter in danger.

Lucifer cackled as he looks down at Adam, dodging his attacks."So, this is what you've been up to since Eden?" said Lucifer, a he flew around him."Gotta say, you really let yourself go buddy." He said, as he transformed into a snake. Adam grabbing him by the tail, and trying to throw him. But before he could Lucifer transforms into a duck. "You judgin' me? You're the most hated being in all of creations." Adam shouted, angrily at him.

"Well, your first wife didn't seem to hate what I had to offer." said Lucifer, using his fingers to make a 'V' shape bringing it to his lips. "or the second. Bow-chicka-wow-wow." said Lucifer, as he makes a thrusting motion in the air. Angering Adam, "I'll fucking end you!!" Adam shouted, as he chased after Lucifer.

[Y/n] flew up towards them, she laughed mischievously, as she transformed into different animals. Teasing him, “For someone who calls himself dick master, your own wives didn’t even want yours!” She laughed, grinning as you transformed into a dolphin with wings.

She slapped him using the tail across the face. Smiling mischievously, “Ugh! You bitch!” He shouted, angrily trying to grab her but she ducked. Flying away swiftly.

“The bully gets bullied,” She cackled, making faces at him before disappearing in a poof of yellow clouds. She giggled, as Lucifer took her by the hand. And the two of took pride in dancing to dodge, Adam’s attacks. “Oh, can’t catch us..” The two of them teased.

“That duck you left me,” He said, as the two of you disappeared from Adam, dodging his attacks. Her cheeks turned red as she looked at him, “I love you too,” He said, and her heart swelled with joy. Really was he saying this now?!

Adam gagged in disgust, “Stop moving you freaks!” Adam shouted, causing the king of hell to shake his head, “Hey, I’m trying to confess my love over here!” shouted Lucifer, causing her cheeks to turn even redder. Adam growing angrier, as he glared at them.

Adam groaned in anger, as he sent a beam of yellow ichor towards them. But Lucifer holding [Y/n] close protectively, as he swiftly pulled her out of the way. “Charlie!” She shouted worriedly, and swiftly as she said that Lucifer was off towards his daughter.

[ slight time skip ]

[Y/n] placed her hand on her bleeding side, as she stood up to her feet. Glaring at Adam as she stood beside everyone else, "You don't get to end this." Adam said, as he stood to his feet weakly. Climbing out of the hole, "I'm fucking Adam! I'm the fucking man," He shouted, looking at the sinners and demons in front of him, "and you're just some fucking clown or something." He spat, glaring at them.

"I started everything on Earth." He shouted, rambling. "All of mankind came from theses fucking nuts." He shouted, staring at them. While they just stood their listening to his tantrum, "You all should be worshipping me." He screamed.

"you ungrateful, disgusting fucking losers!" He shouted,Adam wails, and everyone stars at him in shock seeing the dagger protruding from his stomach. "Hey, you got something sticking out of your..your thing there." said Lucifer, pointing nonchalantly at the dagger sticking out of his stomach.

Adam fell forward, revealing Niffty holding the blade in her hands. "Niffty?" Charlie said in shock. Niffty sat there for a moment before, "Stab! Stab! Stab!" Niffty shouted, as she laughed manically. As she continued to stab him repeatedly. "Blood! ha ha ha!" She laughed, a crazed look in her eyes.

Lute screamed, as she rushed towards Adam turning him over as he died. Crying over her friend and leader, who sent her a final smile before dying. "It's over," Charlie and [Y/n], said glaring down at Lute.

"Take your little friends," said Lucifer, as he glared at Lute angrily in his demon form, "and go home." He shouted, is voice distorted and demonic. "Please.!" He asked, relaxed and calm yet with a sinister tone to his voice. Everyone watched, as the exorcists retreated back to heaven.

Lucifer sighed and turned back towards everyone, "Alright who wants some pancakes." asked Lucifer, as he wrapped an arm around [Y/n]'s waist. "This lovely lady right here makes some delicious, caramel apple pancakes." He said, a huge grin on his face. She smiled sheepishly, as she looked at everyone. Niffty raised her hand. "But first, I need to get this bandaged." She said, looking at the others smiling softly as she pointed at the wound.

She winced in pain as she climbed, over the rubble. “I’m okay,” She smiled, looking at Lucifer. She looked over towards Charlie, as she stared at the destroyed hotel. Everyone looked at her sadly, as she stared at the destruction and bloodshed that the war had caused. Holding KeeKee in her arms, she looked down at the banner they had made for Sir Pentious month's ago. Tears welled up in Charlie's eyes, realizing the ultimate sacrifice.

"He did it for us, the ultimate sacrifice," Charlie sang, as she choked back a sob. Vaggie placed her hand on her shoulder, "He gave me his trust, and look how we pay the price," She sang, as she walked away. She looked around at the cranage and destruction, "This bloodshed could have been avoided." She sang sadly, even though they won. She felt as if in a way it was all for nothing with the lives that were lost, "If I convinced Heaven to work together," She sang, tearfully.

She walked over towards the ledge, revealing the destroyed Hazbin Hotel and what remains, "I took a hotel and I destroyed it," She sang sadly, seeing the damage she couldn't help but blame herself for, "I know I could have done better." She sang, as she hugged her self tears welling up in her eyes, as she fell to her knees. "Better, instead of letting you down," She sang, looking down at the ground.

 'Come on little lady, why the frown?' Lucifer sang, as he looked down at his daughter, placing a hand on his shoulder. 'In the last ten-thousand years. You're the first one to change this town' He sang, standing up on his feet getting in front of her, 'You can do this, now I know it!' He sang, placing his hand underneath Charlie's chin. 'For your story has just begun'

"You can't quit now, hell, you owe it," [Y/n] sang, as she smiled at Charlie warmly, "There's still damage to be undone," sang Lucifer, as he smiled at his daughter.

"You've changed my mind," He sang.

"You've touched their hearts." sang [Y/n].

"Found the good in souls gone bad"

"The stage is wrecked, the crowd is gone,"

Lucifer looked at his daughter triumphantly, and sang."But by God, Charlie!" [Y/n]wrapped an arm around her, "The show, it must go on" Lucifer and [Y/n] sang, Charlie looked up towards her friends.

“We can do this!” Charlie’s friends sang, as they looked down at her smiling comforting her, making the best of the situation. “We can build it!” everyone sang, smiling at her.

‘Best hotel that you’ve ever seen!’

‘Twice the bedrooms’

‘We can fill it’

“With more sinners than you can dream,” Lucifer sang, as he wrapped an arm around [Y/n]’s waist, a slight tint of red appearing on her cheeks. “It starts with you, you know, it's true.” They sang, as they looked down at her smiling. Hopeful despite the hotel being destroyed, despite the sinners lost.

“Fulfill your destiny!” Charlie looked at her friend, and wiped away her tears and smiled looking at them. “So long as I've got all of you with me!” Charlie smiled, as she wrapped her arms around them.

[Y/n] spreads her wings and smiles, as she flies around. Helping everyone work on rebuilding the hotel. From scratch to be grander than ever. As she sang to help rebuild the hotel she, still couldn’t believe that he loved her back. Almost feeling like a dream that he told her he loved her back. Her heart still skipping a beat, as a wave of relief seemed to wash away.

After a seemingly endless period of wallowing in self-pity, she had finally found happiness with him. With him by her side, she was filled with a sense of anticipation for what was to come in the future.

Suddenly, he scooped her up in his arms like a bride, and she let out a yelp of surprise. As he leaned down towards her, she felt his lips against hers, and a soft gasp escaped her. Her body tensed up in response as her heart began to pound against her chest, overcome with a mixture of nervousness and relief. Her eyes slowly fluttering shut as she melted into the kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck, leaning more into the kiss.

He whispered into her ear, causing her to shudder and turn beet red. Despite her flustered demeanor, he couldn't help but chuckle softly. Furrowing her eyebrows as she looked at him, and playfully leapt out of his arms.

Transforming into a duck with butterfly wings, and flying off. Lucifer chasing after her, as she switched between each forms giggling, as they continued to help rebuild the hotel. She smiled, as magic flew through her fingers butterflies flew around the hotel glowing with yellow ichor.

Everyone stood at the portrait of Sir Pentious, memorial saluting the great general who sacrifed himself for his friends. “We can do this,” everyone sang, as they stared at the portrait mourning the loss. But a smile on their face, knowing that his sacrifice guaranteed them a better and hopeful future towards redeeming sinner.

“We can do this,” Charlie sang, as she stared at the “We'll be better,” everyone sang smiling, as they remembered Sir Pentious. Saluting their fallen friend.

“We'll be better,”

‘Though redemption may take a while’

“Though it may take a while,” Charlie sang, smiling as [Y/n] placed her hand in her shoulder.

‘Wayward sinners, clear their ledger’

‘And we're doing it with a smile’ Alastor sang, as he appeared between them. Charlie’s eyes lighting up smiling, as she hugged him. “Yeah!” everyone except Lucifer, smiled as they looked towards Alastor.

‘We made a difference, wait and see’

‘We're gonna do this, you and me.’ Charlie and Vaggie sang, as they hugged eachother.

As they walked out towards the courtyard with a hopeful smile. [Y/n] smiled as Lucifer took her hand into his squeezing, she looked down at him and smiled. Fireworks lit up the red sky of hell, as they looked at the newly rebuilt Hazbin Hotel.

Lucifer used his magic shrinking the key, and handing it to Charlie. Who smiled looking at the hotel, “And then tomorrow, it will be a fuckin’ happy day in Hell!” They all sang, as they looked at the newly completed and rebuilt grander than ever. Hazbin Hotel.

[side chapter sneak peek]

Lucifer and [Y/n}, had left suddenly after saying goodbye to Charlie and everyone saying they needed some. "rest" But Angel knew all to well, he saw right past through it. "Yeah, they're about to fuck." Angel said, earning a groan of disgust from everyone. In particularly, Charlie. "Ew, that's my dad." said Charlie, in disgust looking up at Angel Dust.

"What? It's pretty obvious!" He exclaimed, folding his arms across his chest. Before looking off in the distance curiously, "I wonder what kind of kink the Short King is into." He wondered curiously, he took notice of the apples.

Charlie covered her ears, while everyone started walking off. "He's definitely into food play, whipped cream and apples." Angel continued, and "Lala! I can't hear you!" Charlie shouted, as she walked off. "Hey, Charlie give me Y/n's number so I can ask!" He shouted, running after her, "No!" shouted Charlie, as she walked towards the hotel.

"Aw, come one I need to know!" Angel shouted, chasing after Charlie.

meanwhile.. in lucifer's room{ya'll will get the actual smut later so rn its the morning after}

Lucifer's eyes fluttered open and he was met with the most wonderous sight, of [Y/n] and her crinkled up nose as she slept letting out the occasional snore. He smiled softly, as he brushed his fingers against her cheek causing her to smile. His heart seemed to flutter, how did he get so lucky?

"Aw, Lucifer." She said playfully, looking at him as he attacked her neck with kisses, "I've gotta make breakfast." She said, and he nuzzled his head into the crook of her neck. "Mm, not yet." He said, as he pulled her underneath the covers. She was in for a long morning.

a/n: no y/n didn't know that Lilith was in heaven im not kidding. She had no idea, but with her coming into play for season 2. There will def be some drama stirring, if she's a villian or not.

also lemme know if theres any gaps so i can go back and fix them.

taglist: @supernerdycookietrashblrr @96jnie @mit-suri @koji-akeme @dinawss @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @wanderlustingcastaway @only-cherry-blossom @runaway-expert @buubsii @darkknightsandredrobins @kokoneai5 @colletepop @asheitoshin @thesimppotato11 @cherry-4200 @jolynetodd @blaire-blake @thedarkkitten @astrxwitch

[mydearestbeloved]

Omg lol’ed at adam being the unwilling third-wheel in the middle of jinwoo and tp!reader’s  public display of “trust” 😭. No it’s just pure satisfying to see jinwoo trust and need someone presence that much. Tp!reader is his rock frfrfr 🥺 and tbh this only makes me sad to see how “alone” canon jinwoo is, so much so that he can’t really open himself up to people he cares about problems he has to deal with (and yes, even in sl ragnarok. Like even suho called him a “deadbeat dad” due to his communication issue 😭). Anyway, tp!jinwoo is so cute when he relies on tp!reader and OMG pointing and laughing at his cringe fail moment at the end. (still love you pookie 🥰)

Okay, but i kinda scratched my head at this part bc how come ashborn didn’t take notice of tp!reader sooner 🤔? I mean, you could say that she wasn’t strong enough to display her “absolute being” power to be under his radar before but even his fellow rulers can still sense her back then? Idk I don’t remember much details about this scene in canon so apologies if I misunderstood smth.

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Omg, I just saw a few panels of the new chapter of SL: Ragnarok manhwa (chap. 41?) on Twitter/X, and after reading this review, I suddenly had a vision of this scene:

Warning: Unedited, subject to change, future convo(?)

_____

It was a quiet night, the kind where even the wind outside seemed to hush itself, allowing the world to bask in the rare tranquility. The soft glow of the living room lamp bathed the space in a warm ambiance, flickering shadows dancing with lights on the walls. Nestled together on the couch, you and Jinwoo enjoyed this rare moment of stillness. One of his arms draped around you, his warmth seeping into your skin as he pulled you closer. You leaned against his chest, your body naturally molding into his as if you had always belonged there.

In your arms, Suho stirred softly, his tiny fingers twitching every now and then. The slow rise and fall of his tiny chest mesmerizing to watch. He was still so small, only a few weeks old, yet with each passing day—day by day, feature by feature, he was becoming a mirror of the man who held you now.

But . . .

You traced the outline of Suho’s face with your eyes, the soft curve of his cheeks, the delicate lashes fluttering against his skin as he ‘fought’ against sleep.

—He also reminded you so much of your best friend.

The sight made your heart clench with a feeling too vast to name.

Ah, I should check on her again soon. Her tournament is coming up in a few weeks. I hope she isn’t pushing herself too much, else she’ll run to her death—Eh, who am I kidding.

You really, really wanted to laugh at the inside joke, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to. Your attempt at distracting your mind elsewhere just didn’t seem to work this time.

“...Jinwoo?” your voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

But Jinwoo always heard you.

“Hmm?” His hum reverberated in his chest, his chin resting lightly on your shoulder.

You hesitated. Your tongue darted out to wet your lips as you gathered the words that had been weighing on you for days now.

“Could you,” You inhaled deeply, as if steadying yourself. “…spend more time with our son?”

Jinwoo stilled for a fraction of a second, his hold around you subtly tightened, before his thumb resumed its slow, comforting strokes along your upper arm.

He knew that tone—the slight wavering beneath the surface, the weight in your words.

“What is it, my love?” His voice was low, gentle, like he was trying to coax you into opening up—technically, he was. “What’s bothering my wife this time?”

Damn him, when did he get so—!

You bit your lip before pressing on. “I’m not saying you’re spending too much time at work. In fact, if you were, you know I wouldn’t have taken any of it and dragged you home myself.”

A breath of laughter left him at that, and he pressed a lingering kiss to your temple. The warmth of it settled in your chest. It was such a simple thing, yet it unraveled the tension in your shoulders, bringing the ghost of a smile to your lips, grounding you despite the storm brewing in your thoughts.

It was his way of saying: We’re in this together. Always.

Your fingers idly stroked Suho’s back, feeling the slow, rhythmic breaths of your baby boy, his warmth anchoring you also.

“I’m just… worried,” The confession came out softer than you intended. You traced your thumb gently along Suho’s arm, watching how peaceful he looked, memorizing the smallness of him, the weight of him in your arms.

Committing every little feature of his to memory.

As if…

As if this moment was fleeting. As if this moment might slip through your fingers like sand, lost to the relentless tide of fate.

Jinwoo already knew where this was going.

“This is about the future you knew, isn’t it?”

Your grip on Suho tightened slightly. “Jinwoo, the fact that Suho is starting to look exactly as I remember him, in my memories of back then, just confirms it.”

The long road he’ll take. The hardships he’ll face.

A deep-seated fear started gnawing at you.

“The story hasn’t ended yet. His future will be the same—”

“Can be the same.”

Jinwoo’s voice was quiet but firm, cutting through the air like a blade. And yet, you still feel the gentleness that never faded away.

His fingers continued tracing slow, soothing circles on your arm. “You and I are proof that there’s still room for change.”

You opened your mouth, but the words caught in your throat. You let out a slow breath instead, some of the tension bleeding from your shoulders at the conviction in his tone.

How can he do that? ‘Till now, you still wondered, how could he ease the storm in your heart with just a few words.

Sometimes, you still couldn’t believe he was yours.

And that you were his.

“…Do you want him to be like you?” The question slipped past your lips before you could stop it.

“No.”

The answer was immediate. Firm. Yet, in contrast, the way his fingers brushed over Suho’s soft cheek was achingly gentle. The baby stirred slightly in response, his tiny hand latching onto Jinwoo’s retreating fingers. His little fingers barely curled around two of Jinwoo’s.

Jinwoo stilled, his expression unreadable.

“My path led me to you. I will never regret taking it.” His voice was hushed, reverent, as if speaking anything louder would shatter the fragile serenity of the moment.

Your heart squeezed at his words.

His fingers remained where they were until Suho’s grip finally loosened in sleep. Only then did Jinwoo carefully guide his tiny hand back against his blanket, ensuring he was comfortable. You adjusted the fabric around your son’s sleeping form, both of you moving in quiet tandem.

“But I want our son to find his own path. To choose for himself.”

Your chest ached at the tenderness in his voice, at the raw sincerity in his words.

You shifted slightly, careful not to jostle the sleeping baby in your arms as you leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your beloved husband’s cheek.

“Then spend time with him.” Your voice was quiet but left no room for argument. “More time.”

You pulled back just enough to meet his eyes.

Jinwoo’s expression softened, but his eyes matched your unwavering ones.

“Don’t let him feel that the only way he can be close to you…” You choose your words carefully before continuing, “—is for him to follow in your exact footsteps.”

Promise me.

Jinwoo said nothing at first. He merely held your gaze. Then, his hand cupped the side of your face, guiding you into a slow, lingering kiss.

It was warm. Familiar. Melting. A promise sealed between your lips.

When he finally pulled away, he pressed his forehead to yours, breathing you in as if grounding himself in you.

_____

“Anything for my loves.”

Honestly, this just makes me more determined to continue writing Trial Player AU. To write a story of an AU where someone that can stand by Jinwoo in everything exist, who can really match him in power included, so that he won’t be “alone.” No hate for canon Cha Hae-in tho—she completes him, just differently than what I envisioned.

I’m still going for that “Cha Hae-in as our bestie”-agenda! I don’t plan on discarding her in Trial Player AU. I’m definitely going to give her more screen time, going to add my own version of developments, but hopefully, it will turn out good enough to still be enjoyed. ❤️

Trial Player AU - Chapter 22: Trial Player!Reader’s First Encounter With The Former Ruler

For clarification: the Rulers came to know of TP!Reader only after she came into proximity with their vessels.

Thomas Andre had a ‘delayed’ response—only after he locked eyes with her did the Ruler power in him react (Chapter 15). A similar situation happened with Go Gunhee, who had been watching Jinwoo walk away after their conversation. When Jinwoo approached TP!Reader in the distance, only then did the Chairman notice her, and the Ruler power in him reacted the same way as Thomas’ had (Chapter 21).

The pattern was there: The Rulers were supposedly alerted only after their vessels truly became aware of TP!Reader, which the vessels did not at first. And what the vessels feel after was always the urge to submit first (mostly due to the Rulers sensing a part of their Creator), then came the (motherly) warmth. At least, this is the pattern up to chapter 21. More on this will be revealed in the story, but feel free to take a guess or make your own theories. 🤗

Then why did Ashborn not take notice of TP!Reader sooner when Jinwoo already spent so much time close to her?

Let’s backtrack to canon info for this.

(As usual, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.) Why didn’t the Monarchs and the Rulers instantly know of Ashborn’s plans for Jinwoo? That is because The Architect, or Kandiaru, designed the System to be used only by Ashborn and his human vessel.

If we go by this logic, then the System is the main bridge for Kandiaru and Ashborn to keep track of Jinwoo. If, say, another being became aware of that fact, and that same being wanted something in Jinwoo’s vicinity to not be noticed by the two, wouldn’t hijacking that main bridge be the ideal plan?

There were many instances where the System acted differently around TP!Reader (and her butterflies, as more recently shown in Chapter 23), at least in comparison to how it usually was with Jinwoo. 🤔

All I can say for now is that this is the first clue as to why Ashborn (and the others) didn’t notice TP!Reader’s existence sooner/instantly, and so far, they have only been able to take notice of her under certain conditions. In Ashborn’s case, it was because TP!Reader reached out to Norma Selner’s mind when she was seeing something inside Jinwoo’s soul. Thus, TP!Reader’s special space came into contact with the ‘darkness’ Norma saw, where Ashborn could finally sense and become aware of her unique presence for the first time.

[absurdthirst]

The Cost of Survival {Ezra x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 13.8k

Warnings: Oral sex (female receiving), vaginal sex, mentions of birth control, oppressive regimes, drinking, adultery, technically prostitution, angsts, heartbreak, loss of limbs, near death, pregnancy

Comments: Growing up on a poor mining planet where the company owns your very existence, Ezra dreams of getting you and him away from it all. Escaping. Resorting to doing the unthinkable to manage it and breaking your heart, there's a high price to be paid.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Ezra (Prospect) MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

You lean against the wall, the band playing across the room with instruments passed down through the generations. Your dress is also hand-me-down, shabby, and patched, but it suits you, especially when no one else is dressed much nicer. Your planet is best known for its mines. It provides power to other planets - more prosperous planets - and is well known for the people who occupy the dusty, gritty mountains. Only one mining company owns all the land...and the people. The workers whose fathers and their fathers and their fathers worked the mines. No one escapes the planet. No one makes it rich enough to leave. Especially when the company owns the houses and the stores. Every credit made by the workers goes back into the company's pocket. Your father works the mines, back aching daily as he fights his aging bones to provide for his family. You want more than this gritty existence; you want to escape, to do the impossible. There's some education for women, mainly nursing, to assist the doctors with the gruesome wounds men would receive from the deadly mines. You lean against the wall, watching several couples dancing, and you sigh, not seeing him watching you from across the room. Ezra. You've known him since you were in school together. Most men left school early to enter the mines, but he stayed a little longer, wanting to learn more about literature, and you admired his reluctance to tow the company line. He was rebellious, and you secretly loved that.

You are a sight for grimy, dust-filled eyes. Ezra’s own outfit is barely much better than your own. An old suit that his father had been married in. The only reason he hadn’t been buried in it was that his tomb was a sealed-off section of the mine after an unfortunate blowout. You look bored and he smirks slightly, thinking that you are like an unappreciated flower, overlooked and forgotten. Not by him. He would never forget a beauty so fair that it steals his breath away. The only reason he had come tonight was to get a glimpse of you and perhaps try to convince you to take a turn on the floor with him.

You sip your drink, some kind of off-brand juice that one of the more prosperous planets had turned down, and you set the empty cup down just as a pair of scruffy boots appear in your eyeline while you stare at the floor. Your eyes flick up to find Ezra standing in front of you. Your eyes widen, and you glance beside you to see if he’s here to speak to someone prettier, but his dark eyes meet yours as you brave looking at his face. “Good evenin’.” He greets you, and you fluster, “hi. I- I didn’t think you’d be here tonight. Didn’t think this was your scene.” You say, shifting from one foot to the other as your nerves make the juice slosh in your stomach.

“Didn’t think I would make an appearance, but the thought of dancing convinced me.” He flashes you a slight grin and loves the way you fluster slightly. You’re nervous, and it matches the same butterflies in his own stomach, hopefully. “Shall we, little bird?” He asks, holding out his hand to you.

You are surprised, your eyes dropping to his hand, and you don’t hesitate to take it. You are shocked that he wants to dance with you, but you accept his invitation, and he escorts you onto the dance floor. Your hand grips his, your other hand finds his shoulder, finding the beat, and his smile is infectious as he swings you around the dance floor. A giggle fills your throat as he leads you around the floor, almost bumping into other couples. Your smile almost makes your face hurt as he sways you around, and you cling to him, laughing in joy as your troubles are momentarily lifted from your shoulders.

The sound of your giggle enthralls him, making him grin even though he’s decidedly not the best dancer. He is better with his hands than his feet. “Your smile is infectious.” He coos, puffing up like a peacock because he is escorting the prettiest girl around the floor. “Soon, the entire room will catch.”

You shake your head with a wry smile, leaning against him slightly as the song ends, and you reluctantly let go of his hands to applaud the band. "Thank you for the dance, Ezra." You say softly, and the band begins to play again, something slower. You prepare to walk off to lean against the wall again, but Ezra captures your hand, dragging you back towards him and into his chest. His eyes meet yours once more as he wraps his arm around your waist, starting to sway you to the slower song. Your heart pounds in your chest, you swear he can feel it, and you know this dance changes everything.

Ezra has learned that he can spout a pretty phrase. Some might call him talkative or a yapper, but he’s now silent. He is taking in your beauty and memorizing this moment. His crush on you is blooming into full romance and he wishes that he were rich so he could dress you in fine clothes and bring you flowers every day. “You strike me mute, little bird.” He whispers after a moment. “I am the most fortunate soul here tonight, holding someone of such profound grace.”

You fluster at his compliments, “you’re mute? A rare event.” You tease, your fingers flexing around his, and you clear your throat. “You flatter me, Ez. I am - I am the lucky one. Every girl in here tonight wants your attention. Including Dotty.” You look over to the company owner’s daughter. She’s part of one of two wealthy families in town.

“She doesn’t hold a candle to you.” Ezra insists. Despite her family affluence, he's never been one to want the slightly older girl. He was aware that he would always be considered less than, despite his lengthy verbiage. “You are the lovely siren who has captured my attention and leads me towards the treacherous rocky shoals of love.”

Your eyes widen at his confession, and you offer him a shy smile. “I must admit…my feelings are - I have been quite enamored with you since we were in school together.” You reveal, biting your lip. Ezra is older than you by a couple of years, and you would’ve thought that Dotty would be more his type. His ambition to succeed is well-known in the town. Wanting more from life than to work the mines like his daddy did. “I didn’t think - I thought you considered me as nothing more than a friend.”

“Little bird, I have been remiss in expressing the extent of my affections because I have been afraid of the cold dread of rejection.” He admits softly, his eyes staring into yours. “Tonight, though? The double moons are shining, and there is a hope in my heart that you would take pity on a lowly mortal such as myself and shower me with a sliver of your affection.”

You inhale sharply at his sweet words, your heart pounding in your chest, and you nod, “I- I would love to love you, Ezra.” You promise him, “you want to find somewhere quiet?” You ask, and he nods, taking your hand to escort you off the dance floor and outside the hall. The air is dusty, and you cough slightly. Most citizens of your home didn’t survive for as long as people on other planets as they inhaled the fumes and dust from the mines. You turn towards Ezra after he guides you to a secluded spot behind the hall, and you feel giddy. Leaning in, you cup his cheek and caress his stubbled skin. “I love you, Ez.” You murmur, wanting him to know how you feel. You’ve loved him since the moment you met him in school. His vivacious vocabulary and the ambition he tries to conceal to not get into too much trouble with the powers that be. You love all of him.

“I love you too, little bird.” Ezra promises you, lunging forward to press his lips to yours as gently as he can manage even though his heart is beating out of his chest. Overjoyed that you share his affections, he pulls you closer to him, groaning against your lips. Kissing them over and over again before he pulls away. “I can assure you that the extent of my feelings is no passing fancy; I would have nothing more than a future laid out with you. Making our fortunes off this wretched rock and living a life of love and laughter together.”

**** 

You look out the window, washing the dishes from making dinner that is cooking on the stove, when you see him. He’s covered in soot and grime, his smile wide as he sees you through the tatty curtains in the small window. You return his smile, looking forward to seeing him after he’s been at work. “Hi, baby.” You coo as he walks into your shared home. Since he started working for the company, he was given his place. It’s small, but it’s big enough for both of you.

“Hey, little bird.” He is exhausted and upset, but you lift his spirits. “You are a sight for sore and gritty eyes.” He’s too dirty to touch you, so he settles for a small kiss as you take his lunch pail from him. Rather than eat at the company store and accumulate more credits he can’t pay, you fix him lunch to take every day. “Let me clean up, and I’ll kiss you like you deserve.”

“Let me run you a bath, my love. You must be aching after a long day.” You declare, knowing how your father would groan as he sat down in his chair after working all day. He nods, and you walk into the bathroom to turn on the faucet in the tub. The water is brown at first then clears before you put the plug in. You grab the bar of soap and the rags you washed earlier by hand, setting up the tub for him to wash off the day's grime. He kicks off his boots by the door, shrugging out of his overalls, and he walks into the bathroom; his hands and face are still dirty but his clothing covered the rest of him. “Nearly ready.” You offer him a soft smile, “I have dinner cooking too. Won’t be too long.”

“You are too good to me.” Ezra groans as he steps into the bath. The hot water heater is too costly to run, so the water is never boiling unless you boil it on the stove. This would cost you fuel, so Ezra settles for a cool bath. “Fuckin’ mine raised their quotas again.” He huffs as he sits down, hissing slightly at the water.

You shake your head, reaching for the rag to wet it in the water so you can clean his back. He can never reach it properly. “Again? Kevva, it’s - it’s too much. You can’t keep up with that.” You murmur with a frown, “we could always move in with my parents. I mean, the company gave us this home without us being married; we could pretend to split up and move in with my parents without the bosses knowing.” You suggest, wanting to make things easier even if it means living back home. Not having the privacy to be together like you want. It’s a sacrifice you’re willing to make if it means he suffers less.

“No.” Ezra shakes his head immediately, dirt falling off of him and into the water. “I can provide for my girl. Ain’t no way that I will live off your father breaking his back and hold my head up.” He tells you stubbornly. “I just need to up my production. Maybe explore a few of the new veins.”

You sigh, continuing to wash him and you are worried he’s working himself into an early grave. “Ezra…I don’t - I am working on my nursing degree. I’m nearly done. Then we have another income. I’ll work at the company hospital.” You say, wanting to assure him that you will be helping so he doesn’t work himself to the bone.

“Little bird, I am hoping that at some point, we are off this confounded rock.” Ezra admits, looking down as the water starts to turn black. “I wish to show you the stars up close. To make sure you never have to work yourself to the grave in order to keep our babies bellies full when Kevva graces us with children.”

You smile softly at his promise and the thought of children. His children. You sigh and rub his back, “you gotta make an honest woman of me first.” You teasingly remind him, “or are you going to keep me in our home in sin?” You joke and wash his back.

“I’ll keep you however I can keep you.” Ezra promises. “The marriage license is almost a full day's wages.” He reveals quietly. “I’ve nearly got that saved up. Maybe another week?” He tells you. “It includes a ring, but I want to get you something better than the piece of tin they provide.”

You reach up to caress his dirty cheek, “baby. I would wait a lifetime to marry you.” You promise, “I’m only teasing. I - I just can’t wait to be yours. Completely yours.” You murmur and lean over the edge of the tub to kiss his now clean cheek.

Ezra smirks, wrapping his arm around you and dragging you into the water with him, laughing when you screech. “I love you, little bird.” He promises. “Even when you are soaking wet.”

You can’t be mad at him when he drags you into the tub with him. “You love me when I’m soaking wet.” You smirk, running your fingers through his wet hair as he cradles your body in the tub.

“I do.” He growls playfully. “Because you get so wet for me.” Leaning in, Ezra bites your neck, his semi-hard cock getting harder underneath you as he runs his hands down to grab your ass.

You moan and turn your head to press your lips to his, groaning as his fingers dig into your flesh. “Ezra, my love.” You whimper, grinding down onto him and you grow wetter for him, wanting him to fuck you now that he’s home.

“You want some attention, little bird?” As tired as he is, he will never deny you. Wanting you as much as he needs to breathe. “Why don’t I show you what I was thinking about doing to you while I was working?” He grunts, pushing you up onto the edge of the tub and fighting with the wet material of your dress to reach your soaked and threadbare panties underneath.

You gasp when he rips the panties clean off of your body. You know you’d be annoyed at wasting one of the scarce pairs of panties you own if you weren’t so turned on. He tosses the wet material onto the floor and pushes your legs open, making you moan his name as his hands trail along your wet thighs. “Ez, please.” You beg him sweetly, needing to feel more of him. You never seem to get enough of him. When his tongue slides through your folds after he leans in towards your cunt, a low groan escapes your lips and his dark eyes meet yours when he starts his mission to make you cum on his tongue.

Every time he tastes you, Ezra becomes a little more obsessed. The musky, tangy taste of your cunt, mixed with the uniqueness of your skin tastes like the sweet cakes that were a treat on rare occasions. He grips your thighs, holding them open so he can lick deeper. Groaning into your folds as he devours you.

Your fingers find balance on the edge of the tub and you moan as his tongue slides through your folds and flicks over your clit. “Oh Ez.” You whimper, loving the way he groans into your flesh, vibrating against your clit. He gets better and better with each time he touches you. He was your first, not too long after the dance together at the hall when you proclaimed your love.

Ezra groans as he tries to write a sonnet into your cunt, his tongue the pen and your folds the paper. Loving how you just shake and moan for him. He slides his hands along your thigh, now clean from the grime and soot of the day to press two thick fingers inside you.

You moan, pushing his head deeper into your pussy as he laps at your clit, his fingers curling deep enough to make you whine his name and you rock your hips up into his face. “Shit, baby. I- it’s always so good.”

He grunts in response, wishing he could talk while he eats your cunt but he can only show you what he feels. Groaning as he curls his fingers up and pumps them in and out of you.

You pant, eyes closing as he pushes you over the edge. You clamp down on his fingers and cry out his name, your fingers tugging on his hair until your grip softens as you ride your orgasm. Pulling turning to running your fingers through his wet strands. “I love you, baby.” You murmur, blissed out.

“Love you too.” He promises, looking at you in adoration as he pulls his fingers out of you and smirks, feeling how wet they are with your juices. “Are you up to more, little bird?” As voracious as he is for you, he always checks to make sure you want sex after you cum.

You nod, shifting into the tub to straddle him, and you reach for your now soaked dress, dragging it off of your body and tossing it onto the floor where it plops. “I am always aching for more of you, baby.” You promise, reaching down to wrap your fingers around his cock.

Ezra groans, cock throbbing in your hand and he rocks his hips up. “Fuck, baby, I love the way you love my cock.” He pants softly. “Your touch burns me to my very soul.”

His words are always so poetic. Your heart thumps in your chest, and you shift up onto your knees so you can position yourself above his cock. The water is dirty but you don’t care as you start to sink down on him. He stretches you out but you take him so well after so many nights spent in each other’s arms. “I love you.” You murmur, caressing his cheeks as you take all of him inside of you.

“You are my sun and stars.” Ezra chokes out, closing his eyes as your cunt wraps around his cock. “The goddess that I worship, the only deity I will ever pray to, Kevva forgive me.” He hisses when you clench around him. “The light from which I draw my very existence from.”

You caress his cheeks down to his chest, feeling his heart thumping under your palm. Your pussy flutters around his cock as his hands slide along your spine. “My love.” You murmur, “you’re my world. This fucking planet won’t rule us. We will - we will conquer it.” You lean in to press your lips to his.

Ezra groans against your lips, feeling like he is the king of the world right now with you perched on his cock and vowing your love. He squeezes your ass and rocks you up, encouraging you to move. Desperate to feel you fall apart for him.

You whimper at the way he feels inside of you. Your first and last lover. You rock on top of him, gripping the sides of the tub for leverage as you want to see him fall apart beneath you. “Fuck. You feel so good inside of me, Ez.” You pant, clenching around him.

“That’s ’cause I’m yours.” Ezra pants out. “Completely yours. Always yours.” He is yours, his heart is so completely given to you, that he will do anything to make you happy and comfortable.

You love hearing him proclaim that he’s yours. You moan his name as he twitches inside of you, your fingers gripping the edge of the tub as you move faster, working yourself up to an orgasm.

You are so close. He has fucked you enough that he can tell by the way you moan. He leans down and pulls your nipple into his mouth and sucks harshly.

You moan his name again, one hand tangling in his hair as you rock a little faster. “Oh fuck baby.” You whine, so so close. He bites down on your nipple and it sends you over the edge. You cry out, eyes squeezed shut as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him while you shake above him.

Ezra moans your name, twitching inside you. So close to cumming himself from the sheer force of your walls contracting around him. “Fuck, fuck baby.” He grunts, gritting his teeth and holding you tighter and he starts to rock up into you frantically, spilling the dirty water onto the floor in his haste. “Fuck!” His strangled cry is cut off when he buries his cock deep to pump you full of his hot seed, thankful for the implant in your arms to keep you from having a child just yet.

You love the way he fills you up, making you relax above him, and you caress his neck as he twitches inside of you. A low groan escaping his lips as he kisses along your neck and you sigh in bliss. “Kevva, I love you.” You murmur, knowing you’ll be lost without him.

“I adore you. Worship you, bow down at the preverbal altar of your grace. Obsessed with you.” Ezra murmurs between kisses. “You are my purpose, little bird.” He promises. “Without you, I would be a floater, adrift and alone.”

You sigh, a smile on your face as you look at him in bliss. “I can’t wait to marry you, Ez.” You murmur and he pulls back to look at you, “any day now.” He promises, making your smile widen. You caress his cheeks and reach for the soap. “Now I gotta clean you up again.” You tease, lathering up your hands. Ezra chuckles and your heart clenches, filled with love.

****

You squeeze his hands as he looks at you with adoration, his mother’s ring on your finger as he says his vows. You had told him you didn’t care if you even had a ring, you simply wanted to be his wife, but he’d worked hard and his mother decided to give him her ring that she treasured after her husband was killed in the mines. His mother and your parents watch as you exchange vows and when you’re pronounced as husband and wife, you surge forward to press your lips to Ezra’s. He spins you and dips you while you kiss, making you gasp in shock then giggle against his lips. When he steadies you when you’re upright, you cup his cheek, “I can’t believe I’m your wife. Finally.”

“I have been blessed by Kevva.” Ezra hums, smiling like he has won the lottery. “I promise that we will be rich, little bird. We will not live and die on this miserable little rock for too much longer.”

You shake your head, “it - if it never happens, I won’t be upset because I have you, my love. As long as I have you.” You promise, and he nods, but you don’t see the look in his eyes. The determination. Your parents come over to congratulate you until the officiant gets you over to sign your marriage certificate, the company logo on the stamp. They even own your marriage. You don’t hesitate to sign, wanting to belong to Ezra, not giving a shit about the company. You will both work hard to achieve the impossible, no matter what it takes.

****

“Mongrel, fucking Jack-knifed thieving, sons of cunts!” Ezra slams the door opened, scowling fiercely as he throws the pail that you pack his lunches on across the room. Startling you so much that you jump from where you are studying for an exam, but he doesn’t pay that any mind as he starts to pace. “Ezra! What’s-“ 

Ezra growls, shoving a dirty hand through his hair. “They’ve cut the value of the fucking mineral.” He hisses. “Down to about a quarter of what it was. Now you need to mine three times as much to keep the same fucking credits coming in.” He stops in the middle of the floor, utterly defeated. “They ain’t lowering their credits for shit, though, greedy bastards.”

Your eyes widen, “they haven’t! They - oh Kevva.” You feel a little sick. How are you going to pay for the house? How will you eat? The company owns everything, even your marriage. You shake your head, “baby. I- oh Kevva.” You stand up and walk over to him, cupping his cheeks.

Ezra feels defeated. “We’ve got to get off this rock.” He tells you, his tone flat. “They’re gonna kill us, work us to our graves if we don’t.” His mother has already passed, just two weeks ago, slowly withering away from the dust in her lungs after a lifetime here. “They are bleeding us of our very marrow, little bird.”

“What can we do, Ez?” You ask him hopelessly, shaking your head. You feel defeated, like you’re never going to get away from the company that owns you. “I- I am nearly done with my degree. Once I have that I can apply for a job off planet and then we can leave here.”

“We won’t make it until then.” Ezra has crunched the number and crunched the numbers after hearing the announcement. “I’m going to see if there’s something that can be done.” He decides, looking you in the eyes. “Whatever it takes.”

You look at him, shaking your head again in despair and you know he will do what it takes to make sure you survive. “I know, baby.” You murmur, staring out of the window at the smog.

“I’m gonna shower and change.” Ezra tells you. “Don’t worry about dinner, little bird.” He reaches up and chucks your chin lovingly. “I’ll be home too late to eat.”

You smile, leaning in to kiss him softly. “Have a good time with Jasper.” You tell him, knowing he needs a night out with his friend to relax. “I’ll be waiting for you.” You wink and he smirks.

****

You glance over at the clock, a frown on your face at how late it is. You’re worried about Ezra. Worried that something has happened to him. You bite your lip, shifting in your bed as you wait for your husband to get home. You usually wouldn’t stay up so late to wait for him but it’s way past the time he said he’d be home.

Ezra frowns into his glass of liquor, it's more credits that he doesn't have, but luckily it's cheaper than most. "I just don't understand what these blood-sucking mongers expect from us." He grumbles, not for the first time. "Gotta get off this heap." He tells his best friend. "Need credits to get away. Me and little bird."

Jasper sighs, shaking his head as he sips the whiskey that cost a whole day of work. “I don’t know how you’re gonna do it, man. They have us by the short and curlies. Everything we make, we put back into their pocket and we don’t get nothing for the back breaking work. This fuckin’ planet is killin’ us and - and I want you to get off of this shit rock, brother. You and your lady deserve it.” Jasper finishes just as Dotty comes over to the bar, her cleavage pronounced as she leans against the sticky counter. “Fancy seeing you here, Ezra.” She coos, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"Hey, Dotty." Ezra mumbles, finding it hard not to be annoyed at the appearance of one of the richest people on the fucking planet. Her family held more credits than the entire workforce of miners here combined. It was un-fucking-fair. "What are you doing slumming it here with all the 'ner do wells?" He snorts before he takes a sip of his drink.

She giggles, “decided to come here and see if I could find someone to entertain me for the night.” She says, her eyes flirtatious as she trails them along Ezra’s form. “I haven’t had any offers…yet.” She smirks, “but I would turn them all away if I knew I could have you.”

Dotty has been less than inconspicuous in her attempts at cajoling Ezra into her bed. He shakes his head and sends her a rueful grin. “Married, Dot. Remember?” He tells you, wishing he could afford a ring for himself to hold up to signify his married status. Hell, he couldn't even afford you a ring. The only reason you had one was because of someone giving up their own token. “You could have any guy here. Why would you lower yourself to settle on me?”

Dotty scoffs, “married…to that nobody. I could make you somebody here, handsome. You’d be the king of the planet. I want you, Ezra. And I’m willing to pay to have you in my bed. Ten thousand credits. All you have to do is give me one night.” She says, fluttering her eyelashes to make herself look more enticing while she’s trying to bribe Ezra into fucking her.

Ten thousand credits. Ezra’s eyes widen at the amount Dotty is willing to pay. It would be enough to move off planet with you. To get away. Still, he shakes his head, “I’m afraid I will have to decline such a generous offer.” He tells her. Looking down at his drink he sighs.

Dotty pouts at the man who just turned down her offer but his friend nods in admiration. “Whatever. It’s your loss.” She says and struts off to sit back down at her table with her equally rich cousin. Jasper shakes his head, “I admire you for turning down the offer, Ez. Not many men would turn down a free night with Dotty, let alone one they are being paid for. Good for you. I gotta get back, my lady has been having trouble getting to sleep without me there. I’ll see you on Monday, my friend.” Jasper slaps Ezra on the shoulder and pays his tab, leaving the bar. “Check, please.” Ezra asks the bartender who nods, setting down the check that is more than Ezra expected it to be.

“How the hell is it this much?” Ezra frowns at the paper, wondering how the hell he is going to pay this. “It’s three times more than it should be!” The bartender shrugs. “Prices went up.” He tells Ezra, who growls and balls up the tab. He doesn’t have this kind of money. The credits in his pocket needed to pay for the food bill at the store. “Kevva forsaken mother fuckers.” He hisses, rubbing a hand through his hair.

Dotty sways her hips as she comes back over to the bar, seeing Ezra’s frustrations. “Put it on my tab.” She says, knowing Ezra can’t afford the new prices her father approved for the liquor. She doesn’t necessarily agree with her father’s plans to bleed his workers dry but she benefits from it, able to buy whatever she wants. She goes off planet to shop and for education. Ezra shakes his head, about to protest but she leans in, her cleavage pushed even higher. “Come on, handsome. I know my daddy’s quotas are killing you. I know you want to leave this place. Take my offer. Kevva, I’ll double it. Twenty thousand credits for one night. I just want to experience you, your cock. I won’t mention a word of it. One night and you and your little rag doll are free from this place.” She offers with a smirk on her lips.

He shouldn’t, he really shouldn’t, but the offer is almost enough. “Thirty thousand.” He levels her a dirty look. “If I’m going to tarnish my vows to my wife, it needs to be worth it. Let me take her off world and give her whatever she desires.”

Dotty nods, a sly smirk on her face as she holds her hand out towards Ezra. “We have a deal, baby.” She coos and squeezes his hand when he reluctantly holds it out. She can see the hesitation in his eyes but she knows she can win him over with money and with sex. She just needs a night to prove to him that she’s better than you. Her daddy can cancel your marriage as easily as a signature. Then she can marry Ezra and have her happy ending. You’ll be nothing when she’s done with him. “Let’s go, handsome. Tab is paid.” The bartender nods and she grabs her purse, “you ready to come home with me?”

Ezra wants to say no, but he tells himself that he is doing this for you. For your future. He knows that there is no way he would ever get that kind of money together. “One night.” He reminds her. “And you give me the credits before.” He feels slightly dirty, basically selling himself.

Dotty nods and takes his hand as she guides him out of the bar with a smirk on her face. She’s going to get what she wants. Finally.

****

You look over at the clock, worried about Ezra. You haven’t slept and he hasn’t come home. You tried calling Jasper but there was no answer. You tried calling the bar. No one is answering and you’re terrified something bad has happened to your husband. You swallow down your tears as you try to hold yourself together, wondering if he ended up sleeping at Jasper’s but why wouldn’t he call you to check in? You give up on sleep and get out of bed, heading into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. You pick up the tin of grounds and choke when you discover it’s empty. You toss it down on the counter, a sob escaping your lips just as the front door opens and Ezra walks in. Your eyes widen and you rush over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Oh baby. I was so worried. I thought something had happened to you.”

Ezra is exhausted and feeling guilty, wrapping his arms around you and squeezing you tight. “I’m fine, little bird.” He promises, pulling away and smiling at you in delight. “Go and pack your things, we are leaving this festering pile of refuse and never looking back.” He pulls out the wad of credits that Dotty had given him, all thirty thousand of them and shows you. “Our luck has changed.”

Your eyes widen at the credits in his hand. “Where - how did you get this?” You ask, confused and concerned that he sold something or did something reckless to more credits than you could earn in ten years. “What - where have you been?” You question, confusion etched into your features as you stare at your husband, not moving from your spot.

“Little bird, I assure you that nothing was done without the most noble of intentions.” He placates. “I was offered the sum in exchange for my time.” He’s not telling you the entire truth, but it’s better that you not know. It would upset you and you wouldn’t understand that it was merely physical for Ezra. He had not even cared about his own satisfaction and had to think of you to even cum.

Your frown deepens, “your time? You- you’ve been out all night. No one has a job in the middle of the night? Unless it’s…unless you whored yourself out.” You joke, chuckling but he doesn’t laugh with you, his eyes a little pained. “Wait…you didn’t - Ezra?” You question, feeling your chest tighten.

Ezra shuffles slightly, feeling that sense of dread harden in his stomach. “We would never have escaped here. They are killing us.” He tells you adamantly. “I was offered ten thousand and it wasn’t enough. Not enough to give you, us, the start somewhere else that we deserve.” He steps towards you and hates when you step back. “Little bird….I did this for us.”

You shake your head, feeling sick, "who did you - Dotty. Tell me it wasn't Dotty." You plead despite knowing deep down it's the truth. She's the woman who has always wanted your husband and she has that kind of money.

“It doesn’t matter. I promise you, little bird, nothing that transpired meant anything to me.” He still won’t come out and say it. “All that matters is that you and I can leave, to create a life for ourselves together.”

Your eyes widen at his thinly veiled confession and you feel sick. You shake your head, “nnn-no. I- oh Kevva. You - you and Dotty.” You choke, turning from him and you shrug him off when he touches your shoulder. “Little bird, please-” You shake your head and turn to look him in the eye. “Get out. Now. Get the fuck out!” You scream, shoving his chest. Your heart breaking in your own.

Ezra feels defeated, broken. Giving up so much of himself for you. You just need time, you will see why he sacrificed himself. “I-I’ll go.” He steps back, dropping the credits on the ground. “You will understand why I acted on the offer when the weight of their wants crush us.” He vows, turning around and walking out. He needs to plan your exit from this place, that will give you time to cool down.

You stare at him as he walks out and when the door shuts behind him, you collapse to the floor, sobs leaving your lips. You’re devastated. He cheated on you for money. He cheated on you with Dotty. You sob until your head hurts and you curl into a ball, numb from the pain of Ezra’s betrayal. It’s more than you can bear. You don’t care about the money, you would live under a bridge if you were with Ezra. Nothing mattered but loving him.

Everyone he knows is at work, toiling away. He walks along the empty streets towards the transport office. Wanting to reserve two seats on the next shuttle off planet. Wondering why you are acting like this? He had told you he would do whatever it took to provide for you, and now he’s done it. He’s given you a way off this miserable heap.

You sniff as you gather yourself, not wanting Dotty to defeat you completely. You wipe your eyes as you fold your laundry, wondering what underwear Dotty wears. Nicer ones than you, that’s for sure. You don’t look up as the door opens and Ezra walks in. You don’t look at him, continuing to fold the laundry. “I got us two tickets for tomorrow. We leave first thing to the Pug.” He says, “then we can figure out where to go from there.” You don’t answer. “You going to start packing?” He asks, his voice cutting through you enough that you turn to look at him. “I’m not going with you.”

“What? Of course you are.” Ezra scoffs, waiting for you to tell him that you are joking. “Little bird, this has been our dream. To leave this place and now we are.” His frown deepens when you turn back to folding the threadbare clothes that are more patches than original material. “Come on.” He rushes over and grabs the panties you are folding. “We don’t have time for this shit.”

You snap, “this shit? I have always wanted to leave this place but - but not like this. Not because you fucked another woman. I don’t - it’s not the right way, Ezra. I wanted us to leave together knowing we worked hard to get out. You- you betrayed me. You broke our vows. I love you but I can’t go with you. Not like this.” You choke, tears stinging in your eyes.

“You have to come.” Ezra snaps back. “I did this for you! You think I wanted to touch her? To climb into her bed? No, never, but I couldn’t afford our next rent payment!” He bellows, throwing the panties down and venting his frustrations. “I would not see you starving or begging, so I did what I had to do to provide for you! Just like I vowed to!”

You toss another pair of underwear at him. “You cheated on me, Ez! You touched another woman. You broke our vows. You - you betrayed me. You have ruined our marriage. I would rather starve. I’d rather beg. Knowing I have you, completely, that I’m yours and you’re mine. That’s all that mattered. We would be together no matter what we faced but you destroyed that. You fucked another woman!” You scream at him, “you destroyed us!”

“You think I wanted her? That I enjoyed myself?” Ezra snorts. “I sacrificed my body to give you the life that you could never have without that.” He takes a shuddering breath. “I love you, little bird. I love you so much that I did something repugnant for you, for us. I know you are mad, but this place is killing me. I nearly died three days ago, I feel like I’m expiring every time I descend into that mine. Leave with me.” He begs, his face turning to one of desperation. “Please, my love, my goddess, please.”

You choke on a sob, knowing that this is the end. You can never trust him again. Even if you forgive him. “I- I can’t, Ez. I can’t. You - you betrayed me. I can’t trust you anymore. Even if I forgive you, I could never trust you again.” You tell him, reaching up to slide his mother’s ring off of your fingers. Walking over to him, you grab his hand and gently place the ring in his palm, turning his fingers over it to keep it secure.

“Don’t do this.” Ezra chokes out. “Please- Don’t- you don’t want-“ he drops the ring to the floor and stumbles back. “I’m leaving.” He tells you. “Tomorrow. You- you’ll change your mind.” He nods, looking around the little company owned house frantically. “I know you will. You love me and I love you. That’s all that matters.” He scoops up some of the credits and shoves them in his pocket. “I- I’ll give you tonight to think about this. To let you cool down more.” He looks at you and there’s a strange light in his eyes, like he’s unable to face reality. “You’ll be there.” He tells himself and turns to walk out again.

You know he won’t accept you breaking up with him, but he has to. You can’t leave with him. You swallow harshly, shaking your head as he shuts the door behind him and you pick up the ring and the credits, wanting to keep them for him to take tomorrow. You have nearly finished your degree, only a few weeks left. Once that’s done, you’ll move off planet and make a new start. Without your husband. You wipe your tears, wondering if Ezra will change his mind on leaving or if he’s gone forever. You won’t be there to meet him at the station.

****

Ezra waits. His leg is bouncing as he watches the door of the terminal. He’s biting his lip and praying to Kevva to see your figure dash through the lobby in search of him. Needing to have you with him. “Sir?” He turns his head to find an attendant giving him a small smile. “I’m afraid the transport is calling for final boarding.” She explains and he swallows harshly. “I’m coming.” He says, standing up and looking back at the door one last time. You aren’t here and he can’t wait another week for the next transport. With a heavy heart, Ezra turns and walks away, heading for the transport off planet and away from the woman he loves.

You stare out of the window, the transporter lifting into the air and disappearing into the smog above. You close your eyes, knowing Ezra is on it. He’s left the planet, he’s left you. You know it’s for the best but your heart breaks.

****

“We have a patient. It’s an emergency.” You hear your name and look up at your matron, setting down your drink and you stand up, brushing down your scrubs. You rush down the hall of the Pug hospital to the room where the patient is and storm in, ready to assist. “He’s severely dehydrated and is missing an arm. It’s been removed poorly. He has sepsis. We need to move fast before he is beyond saving.” The other nurse tells you and you nod, pulling on gloves as you come over to the patient. You don’t recognize him at first, he’s older and looks haggard but you know that scar on his cheek. The one he got as a kid when he was in a fight because someone stole his lunch. “Ezra.” You gasp, knowing your husband despite it being so many years.

Ezra fever is climbing, sweat covering his body and he knows it’s a hallucination. “Little bird.” He croaks out, eyes bloodshot and fixed on you for a moment before they roll back in his head. His body slumps and alarms start to blare from where he was hooked up to monitors. “Save him!” Cee rushes into the room, her face almost panicked as she imagines losing the man who had protected her and she had also protected.

“Get her in the waiting room.” You demand and one of the other nurses takes Cee away, murmuring to her. Your heart is pounding as you fight to keep Ezra alive. Calling out to the others to get you what you need as you work to resuscitate him. “Don’t give up. Don’t you dare go like this.” You hiss at him as you pump his chest.

Adrift, Ezra is back where he always dreams of when he is happy, lonely, hurt or scared - in your arms. "I love you, little bird." He coos, kissing your lips again and again as he sighs. Feeling almost nothing but the supreme bliss of your love as you stroke his back and sides as you beam up at him. "I love you." You whisper back, making his heart thump with joy.

You panic, working hard to save him and when he stabilizes, you exhale shakily and continue working to save his life. When he’s stable and put into a private room at your request, you caress his cheek. The machines beep and reassure you he’s alive as you stare at the man you’ve always loved, even when you hated him. “Where have you been?” You ask, wondering where he has been spending his time. After he left your home planet, you realized you loved him more than any one mistake. Understanding that he did it for you, for your life together. Even if you were hurt and upset, you left the next week on the very next transporter to try and find him at the Pug but there was no sign of him. That was strands ago and you gave up trying to find your husband. His mother’s ring is on a chain around your neck, close to your heart. You don’t notice the girl coming into the room with your colleague until it’s too late and you pull your hand away.

"Do you know him?" Cee asks, her eyes focused on Ezra as he sleeps and then she looks back at you. "I- we- are you his daughter?" You ask, horrified that he might have fathered a child with someone when he left. Anything was possible. "No." The girl laughs and shakes her head. "He saved my life." She tells her. "After he killed my father. Or maybe it was when he did?" She tells you. "I'm Cee."

You are confused, trying to keep up with her story. You tell her your name, “I’m - I am Ezra’s wife. We are from the same planet. He left after - well, it’s a long story.” You sigh, eyes drifting to his arm. “What happened to his arm?” You ask the girl, wondering if she has the answer.

"I shot him." She admits, biting her lip. "After he killed my father. He came to the Pod. Trying to leave the Green. I was scared and I shot him. It festered and I had to cut off his arm."

You nod, understanding that she must’ve been scared. Ezra looks so weathered, a man who fought hard to survive and that upsets you. You should’ve been there beside him. “Kevva.” You murmur to yourself, sliding your hand down to take his in yours. Wanting to feel connected to him while you can until he wakes up and hates you for not meeting him that day. You’d confronted Dotty after Ezra left, returning her money, and she told you that it took some convincing to get Ezra into her bed. That he had moaned your name when he came. That’s what made you follow him.

“His wife.” Cee frowns and bites her lip. “He- everything we had was left on the Green.” She tells you quietly. “His case of aurelac. I couldn’t go back and get it. I almost couldn’t get him into the transport.” She admits, remembering how worried she had been. “I’m sorry. But- he- he protected me. Told me to leave him, but I couldn’t.”

You inhale sharply, “he nearly - oh Ez.” You sigh, leaning in to press your lips to his forehead. His monitors continue to beep and you are reassured that he’s okay for now. Cee watches you, “he mentioned you. Said he wanted to get the Aurelac to get credits the right way. Go back and find you.” She says and your throat tightens, “I- Kevva.” You shake your head at the time you’ve lost with him.

Ezra can hear you. The sweet cadence of your voice is nearly a faint memory at this point. The last time he had heard your voice was that horrible day where he had ruined his life. Nothing had much damn meaning since leaving the mining world, and you, behind. He had lied, cheated, stolen, killed and literally fucked in his vain attempts to earn enough credits to come back and win your acceptance back. Never really making enough to do that just now, he’s utterly failed. So it’s fitting that you are haunting his dreams, enticing him with the treasure he had once had in you and never would again.

Your shift ends but you don’t go home, sitting at his bedside while Cee sleeps in the chair in the corner. You think about the years you’ve lost together, the life you could’ve shared if you’d followed him off planet. You were younger, in love, and devastated by his betrayal. A betrayal he made to secure a better life for you. He sacrificed himself for you and your marriage, even if he tossed your vows aside. Now you’re older, more experienced, and you understand why he did it. The desperation he was feeling. You forgave him a long time ago, but you’ve never forgiven yourself for not going with him, for abandoning your husband. You hold his hand, listening to the machines beep, waiting for him to wake up.

The dust had taken its toll on Ezra, the nearly pure oxygen pumping through the breathing tubes in his nose helping to clear the buildup inside him. He had been trapped down on the Green for a long time before stumbling upon Damon and Cee. Now his body heals, sleeping heavily as it tries to heal itself. Feeling a squeeze on his hand every now and then, making him twitch slightly and he finally sighs softly, mumbling your name.

Your eyes widen, swearing you heard your name from his lips, and you lean in towards him. “Ezra, my love. I want you to wake up for me now.” You murmur, caressing his forehead and brushing his hair back, that signature blonde piece making your heart twist at the memories of playing with it when you were together.

You are calling to him. The sleep is trying to drag him back under, but he fights it, wanting to be with you. His eyes start to move under his lids and he groans quietly. “Come with me.” He begs, back in that little row house on the mining planet he was born on. “I love you. I’m sorry. I can never express my regret.” He whimpers in his sleep.

Your eyes widen at his sleepy confession, your heart pounding in your chest, and tears sting in your eyes. “I know. I know, my darling. I just need you to wake up for me now. Let me see those gorgeous eyes. The eyes that haunt me. Please.” You beg with a whimper, wanting to see him, to know he’s okay.

“Little bird?” His eyes flutter open slowly. Heavy and closing again only for him to try again. “Have I expired?” He croaks out softly when he catches sight of you and then his eyes close again. Battling them to see his beloved wife. “I must be in heaven if I am reunited with you.”

He hums. “Though I surely am deserving of hell.”

You shake your head, “you have survived. You’re alive. Just open your eyes and see.” You urge, squeezing his hand, “I want to look at you, baby.” You are relieved that he is alive, and he seems dazed but not delusional.

Finally, Ezra’s eyes open clearly. Confused for a moment before he looks at you and his mouth opens, no words coming out save for your name.

You smile at him, a soft, loving smile as relief floods through you at how clear his gaze looks, no longer clouded by infection. “Hi.” You murmur, squeezing his hand as he becomes more lucid.

“You-“ he looks over to see Cee curled up, asleep in a chair in the corner and the past few stands come rushing back to him. “I-“ his head snaps to the right and he sees the bandaged stump of his right arm. “How are you here?” He manages after a shocked moment.

You caress his cheek, “I am a nurse here. I got the job after you left. I- I tried to follow you. Gave the money back to Dotty except the ticket and left the planet to find you but by the time I got here, you were already gone.” You confess, pulling your hand away, realizing he could hate you, or think you still hate him.

“You- you followed me?” He asks, frowning slightly. “I left the Pug almost immediately, finding work as a Prospector.”

“A prospector?” You gasp, glancing over at Cee and she mentioned aurelac. Being a prospector is a certain death. More dangerous than the mines. The prospecting planets are dangerous - both from nature and from humans. The way they would kill and plunder their way through each other. “Why did you become a prospector?” You choke, thanking Kevva he’s still alive, even if he’s worse for wear.

He chuckles, a dark, raspy sound. “It became apparent that my liaison with Dotty not only cost me the love of my life, but my reputation.” He huffs, still miffed by her retribution for leaving. “It has seemed she was hoping amongst hopes that you would leave me, which you did, but I did not fall into her arms in despair like she had anticipated. Her father trashed my name, prospecting was the only work I could garner that could possibly earn a fortune.”

Your eyes widen at how far Dotty was willing to go to get what she wanted. You shake your head, tempted to return to your home planet to teach her a lesson but instead, you squeeze his hand. “Ezra.” You whisper, guilty for what he’s endured when you sent him away. Cee blinks as she opens her eyes, having kept them closed to listen to your conversation. “You also did it to win her back. You told me you wanted to return with enough riches to win your wife back.” Cee says and you look at Ezra, “is that true?”

“Little bird, I must extend my most humble of apologies.” He looks away from you and over to Cee. “Like your daydreams of the heroine in your book, my daydreams of being reunited with my love has been the fuel to keep me going.” He explains. “The light in the darkness and the unattainable goal that I have tasked myself with.” He squeezes your hand gently and finally looks into your eyes again. “No matter how much folly must be overcome.”

You stare at him in shock, those dark brown eyes you’d dream of, the gaze you’d longed for on lonely nights until your anger took hold of your heart again. Seeing him now, looking at you with enough regret for a hundred lifetimes, your heart breaks at the years you’ve lost together. “Ezra, my darling. I’m so sorry.” You murmur, leaning in to kiss his forehead.

Ezra closes his eyes, knowing that you are placating him for the sake of the girl. He doesn’t know what Cee has told you about his relatively short friendship with her. “You have not done a thing to cause regret, little bird.” He whispers, “other than perhaps once loving the scoundrel who battered your heart to pieces by his untamed greed.” He sighs. “Now that greed has turned him into a useless wretch, better for little more than fodder on the Green.”

You sigh, caressing his cheek, “hush now. You need to rest. Once you are cleared to go home, you’ll come back with me. You too.” You turn to look at Cee, unwilling to leave the girl to fend for herself. You have a nice place here on the Pug. It’s small but it’s yours, unlike the shack you lived in on your home planet that was owned by the company. “Just relax for now, Ez. You need to rest and heal.”

****

It had taken some convincing, but Ezra had finally given in to your demand that he come home with you. Mainly for Cee. The poor girl had nowhere to go, the traders unwilling to even consider a deal for the craft she had piloted in. He would heal until he could get her settled and then he would figure out what he will do next.

You set his satchel down and Cee walks into your apartment, smiling at the decor. “This is awesome.” She says, unable to remember walking into a place that felt so much like home. “There’s two bedrooms. Down the hall to the left is yours, Cee.” You tell her, pointing down the hall. You did have a roommate - a girl from the hospital who has since gotten married - and you got a promotion to afford the entire place to yourself after she moved out. Cee rushes down the hall with her bag, and you walk across the living room to the other door. “Ezra, this is your room.” You tell him, opening your bedroom door to him. He turns to look at you with a frown, “where are you sleeping?” He asks and you jerk your chin over to the sofa. “On the sofa.” He shakes his head but you stop him protesting, “it’s more comfortable than our bed back home. I’ll be fine. You need rest. You need to be comfortable.”

“I am not taking your room, little bird.” He tells you with a frown. “I have already committed so many sins against you, I would not add another to my blackened soul.”

You sigh, knowing how stubborn he can be. How convincing he can be to get his way when he wants to. “We are adults. We can share a bed.” You declare, knowing you’ll end up on the sofa after he’s asleep but at least you’re giving him the illusion that he’s not pushing you out of your bed. He needs to heal and to heal, he needs to be relaxed.

“You don’t want to share a bed with me.” He scoffs, eyes cast towards the door that Cee had disappeared through. “The sofa you have looks better than the last ten places I’ve slept.”

You huff, "Ezra. You aren't going on the fucking sofa. Just take the damn bed." You demand, "I know what it takes to heal. Listen to me for once in your life." You growl, growing tired of his martyrdom.

Your comment hits him where it hurts and his eyes shutter. “Whatever you say is best.” He murmurs, turning to shuffle into the bedroom that is your space. It will be torment for him, his own special kind of hell where he is surrounded by you and yet you are still so far away.

You prepare dinner for Ezra and Cee while they settle in. Unsure of how to feel now that Ezra is in your home and on his way to being healed. You stir the pasta as Ezra enters the tiny kitchen, his shirt sleeve hanging down and your stomach twists at his missing limb. A shadow of the vivacious man you married. “I made your favorite…I - I don’t know if it’s still your favorite.” You add, looking at him from the stove.

“It has been a long time since I’ve eaten that particular cuisine.” He admits. “Since the last time you made it for me. I have mainly lived off bits bars and packaged protein pouches.”

You hate hearing that but you remind yourself that he got himself in that situation by breaking your wedding vows. He’s still technically your husband unless Dotty had her father sign away your marriage. You wouldn’t be surprised. You offer him a small smile, “hopefully it’s as good as it used to be.”

“I’m sure it will be.” Ezra murmurs softly. “You have always been able to create culinary art with simple ingredients. Shame the devil, you were a better cook than my poor mother.”

You shake your head, “your mama was a damn good cook.” You remember when she would bring food over for you and Ezra when you first moved in together. You gesture to the table and call for Cee to come and get some dinner. It’s a quiet event but Cee fills the space with a ramble about her new school. You smile at her, liking her positivity in life despite the hand she was dealt and you enjoy the small groans that escape Ezra’s lips as he eats his dinner. “Good?” You ask him, hoping he likes it.

“Ambrosia.” His eyes flutter closed and he savors the food, memories of past meals just like this come flooding back. Reminding him of what he had at one point. Especially because eating with his left hand is harder than he would have expected. Leaning back, he swallows the bite and groans. “It’s just like I remembered. Maybe even more delicious.”

You watch him struggle with his left hand but don’t try to help him, knowing he would be frustrated and lash out. “I already arranged for you to have physical therapy to help you adjust to your left hand.” You tell him and he doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t argue so you take that as a victory. Cee compliments your food and helps you clean the dishes while Ezra has a shower. Cee bids you goodnight not long after you finish drying so you decide to go into your bedroom to see if Ezra needs help. He does. He struggles to pull his underwear up his legs and you find him in the bedroom struggling to put his t-shirt on. “Here.” You say, “let me help.” You reach out to gently pull the shirt over his head and his dark eyes meet yours.

“Why are you helping me?” He demands. “You should leave me to struggle. I would deserve it for what I did. What I put you through.” He admits. “If you think that my betrayal with Dotty was bad, I have committed even more sins after becoming so adrift by myself.” He snorts. “I became a floater, without an anchor.”

You stare at him, letting him rant for a moment. “Then you clearly forget who I am, Ez. I would never leave you to struggle when you need me. You might’ve discarded our vows but I promised to stand by you in sickness and in health. I don’t care what sins you committed after you left, that’s for your soul to carry but I’m here to be your wife, even if you don’t want me to be.”

“You told me to leave.” Ezra reminds you bitterly. “My momma’s ring in my hand, fresh from your finger.” He shakes his head. “I do not wish to have you mistake your pity for some kind of misguided duty.” Even though he had wanted to win you back, he had always thought of it as impossible. Refusing to believe you would want to be with him in any true sense after that day.

You narrow your eyes at him, “I told you to leave because you broke my heart. You broke our vows for credits. I- I didn’t understand it. Then you left and I spent days just wondering what I did wrong until I came across Dotty and she told me you could barely get hard for her. That you moaned my name when you came. She might’ve had your body but I had your heart, your desire, your mind. That’s why I decided to follow you but by the time I got here, you were gone. I never stopped loving you. It’s always been you in my heart. Only you.” You promise, “even if you don’t believe me, I want you to know that.” You murmur, stepping back from him.

“Little bird….I cannot claim that I have not had other affairs, other physical encounters.” He admits, frowning slightly at the idea that he might hurt you further. “When I left that world, I was broken. Convinced that my love, my entire heart, hated me. I have lived as if I was unmarried, but never once, in all the encounters I have had, has someone even touched my heart.” He huffs slightly and gives you a sad smile. “It’s hard for someone to steal something that isn’t mine to bequeath them. Not when I left it behind in your hands.”

You sigh and nod softly, “I haven’t been without my own encounters, Ez. I wasn’t going to sit around and pretend like I’d find you again and everything would be like it was. I- I’ve had my share of physical encounters here on the Pug but no one has had my heart. I’m certain that Dotty had our marriage annulled by her father the morning after you slept with her because my name on the transport was my maiden name in the system. Our vows weren’t broken anymore than they already were.” You promise, “we have both lived our lives to survive.”

His heart clenches and he nods. “She was diabolical enough to do just such a thing.” He growls, hating that he had ever known the bitch. “If I could change things, I would have never entertained the idea, let alone done it.” He murmurs. “I’ve lost so much, but my greatest regret was losing you.”

You reach up to cup his cheek, “baby. Baby. I- I love you. I forgave you long ago. I understand why you did it. Now I understand what you did was for us. I was betrayed, I was hurt. I was devastated that you broke our vows. You didn’t want to - I know that you didn’t want to touch her. I love you, Ez. No one has ever held a candle to you.” You murmur, shaking your head.

It’s an absolution he never thought he would receive, one he never deserved in his mind once he had worked through his righteous anger. He had betrayed you, even though he was doing the only thing he could at the time to try to improve your situation. It had ended up costing him everything. “I-“ he breaks down, closing his eyes and whimpering out a sob of relief. You said you love him, not past tense, but that you still do. “I adore you, little bird. Always.”

You pull him close to wrap your arms around him, his one arm pulling you close as he sobs into your neck. You can tell he’s been through so much. “Let’s get some rest, my darling. You need to sleep.” You murmur, rubbing his back as he calms down.

He’s uncharacteristically meek as you lead him towards the bed, exhausted from the emotional outburst and the relief that you no longer hate him. He sits down when you draw the covers back. “I could have had the fortune.” He murmurs softly, frowning. “But I would have had to trade Cee to the Saters on the Green.” He looks up at you sorrowfully. “I couldn’t do that. Not to that little girl.”

You caress his cheek, “you might think you’re a monster but deep down, you’re a good man. The man I married is a good man. You did what you felt was right and you didn’t make the same mistake twice. You saved her. She saved you. She will always have a home with us if she wants to.” You promise him, pushing him back towards the bed.

Your approval is all that matters to him. Leaning back and closing his eyes with a sigh. “I’m sorry you have to deal with me.” He murmurs. “Useless now. Can’t barely dress myself.”

You chuckle, “in sickness and in health, baby.” You pull the covers over him and lean in to kiss his forehead, “you’ll get better. You just need to figure out how to do everything left-handed. It will take time but you’ll get there.” You murmur, standing back up. 

“Stay.” He pleads softly, those dark eyes burning into you. You hesitate for a second, knowing this is crossing a line you can’t come back from but you don’t care. You nod, silently agreeing as you make your way into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

He knows that you’ve been sleeping on the couch. You’ve always conveniently had to do things until he’s fallen asleep and that side was never disturbed. Now, he watches the bathroom, feeling like it’s the first night you’ve ever spent together, even though physical intimacy isn’t on the table. When you come back out, Ezra sighs, “Birdie, you are still the most gorgeous creature I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on.”

You fluster under his dark stare and his praise. "The years haven't always been kind to me." You confess and shift to lay down on the bed, getting under the sheets. "I have missed my best friend." You murmur, shifting closer to him.

Ezra opens his lone arm, offering you the place against his side that you always preferred. “I have missed you with every beat of my heart and every labored breath I have taken since we were parted.” He promises, pleased when you shuffle closer and lay your head on his shoulder. “I should have never left you. Despite what sins I committed. I should have stayed and groveled at your feet.”

You sigh, reaching up to rub your fingers through his hair. “It’s - it’s the past now, my love. Let’s move forward. I only want to think about the future. I want you to promise me that we only think about the future from now on.” You murmur, sliding your hand down to caress his cheek, tracing the scar on his skin, and your eyes flick up to his. His eyes meet yours and you slowly lean in to softly press your lips to his.

It’s the most gentle kiss Ezra has had since the last one he shared with you. Unable to kiss anyone else with the same tenderness, he melts at the small amount of pressure and slowly tilts his head to deepen it, wanting more of you almost immediately.

You deepen the kiss, sliding your tongue against his lower lip and he grants you access, making you moan into his mouth. He groans softly and his hand cups the back of your head as you kiss him.

Just this one kiss has Ezra aching for you. Already starting to harden in his boxers despite it being the first erection since being injured on the Green. Wishing that he had both of his arms to hold you with.

You feel how eager he is for you, pressing against your hip, and you can't pull back. If you were sensible, you'd pull away and take a moment to process but it's been years since you were with your husband and all you want is to hear him moan again. You throw your leg over his hip, grinding against him, getting wetter in your sleep shorts with each kiss he presses to your lips.

“Fuck.” Ezra hisses into your mouth, bucking his hips up as you grind down. You are so sexy, so perfect and all he can think about is how long it has been since he has tasted you. “I-“ he pulls away from your lips and starts to kiss down your throat. “Let me apologize to you with the skill of my tongue.” He begs you. “I cannot do everything I used to, but my face will make a divine perch for your wonderfully little cunt.”

You gasp against his hair as he kisses your neck. "Kevva, Ez. I don't want to hurt you." You murmur and he pulls back, shaking his head. "Little bird, you could never hurt me enough to pay for the agony I caused you." He declares and you hesitate for a second before you nod. You shift back and sit up, removing your tank top to expose your tits to his hungry gaze. Your shorts are next and you are soon straddling Ezra's chest. "Tell me if I am hurting you." You demand, lifting your hips and shuffling forward until you hover over his face.

He won’t breathe a word about it, never. Not when he has caused you so much strife. But your thighs are away from his arms and you don’t touch the remaining portion of his right arm, so Ezra is fine. Especially when he can gaze on your cunt like a long denied treat. “Kevva, you smell the same.” He groans, inhaling your scent. “All my favorite meals are available for me to dine on tonight.” He huffs proudly before lunging forward to slide his tongue between your lips.

Your hips lower a little more to allow him better access to your pussy and your hands find security on the headboard. His name a breathless moan from your lips as he eats you like a man who was starving for weeks. Perhaps that is accurate, he was starved on the Green. Of affection. Of a home. Of real food. "Fuck." You pant, rocking down onto his face as you relax into the pleasure.

Your moans are urging him on. Recalling your taste and gorging himself on it, on your sounds as he licks and sucks on the tender little clit that has always been so sensitive for him. His cock throbs but he would die a happy man, right here with his tongue buried in your cunt and your moans echoing in his ears.

You moan, rocking a little harder, and when he sucks on your clit, you’re gone. You shake above him, moaning his name as you cum on his chin and soak his skin. “Oh fuck, baby.” You choke, your body stiffening as he works you through it until you have to lift off of his face.

His jaw, mouth and lower face is covered in your slick and he grunts in protest when you pull away. Knowing that he could have spent hours just like that while you drowned him in your cum. “So good, little bird.” He rasps out. “Missed that beautiful liquid honey that pours out of your cunt.”

You straddle his belly, slick sliding against his skin, and you bend down to kiss him, uncaring of the tang of your orgasm on his lips as you slide his tongue into your mouth. "I want to ride you, Ez." You murmur, nipping his chin. 

"The day I deny you that is surely the day that Kevva comes to claim my blackened soul." He declares and you shift to sit up, shuffling back until you are hovering over him. Your eyes meet his as you grip his cock and slowly sink down onto him after positioning him at your dripping pussy. Ezra hisses in pleasure, his entire body lighting up at the glorious feeling of your cunt wrapped around his cock again. It doesn’t matter who he’s fucked, no one has ever compared to you. Moaning your name, his fingers dig into your hips as you settle down on his cock. “You are just as tight as the time I stole your innocence.” He groans in delight. “I love you.” He murmurs your name again, his eyes dark and fixed on yours. “Only you. Forever.”

You moan, caressing his chest, the scars of battles fought without you. You sigh and start to move once you adjust to him inside of you. He stretches you out, he always would stretch you out even with foreplay, and you love the slight pinch. Moaning his name, you rock on top of him, your palms on his chest and you feel his heart pounding under your touch.

You look like an angel above him. Ezra can’t even tear his gaze away from you and he uses his one hand to caress up and down your side. “My beautiful angel.” He chokes out. “Kevva sent.”

You smile down at him, reaching for his hand as you move your hips and you press your lips to his knuckles, wanting him to feel just as worshiped. You rock slow but deep, moving your hips enough to make him push deeper inside of you with each motion. “Kevva sent you back to me. You’ve been punished enough, my love. I want us to look forward to a bright future together. Whatever it holds.”

Ezra groans, nodding breathlessly as he watches you move. Completely entranced and just as in love with you as he had been so many years ago. “I love you. I love you so much, little bird.”

You nod, squeezing his hand as you move on top of him. You are getting closer, your walls fluttering around his cock, and you bring his hand down your body to your clit, pressing his thumb there. He gets the hint, rubbing your clit a little faster as you rock on top of him. “Fuck baby.” You moan, reaching out to grip the headboard, your tits swaying as you ride him. “Oh oh ohhhhh Ez.” You pant, clamping down on his cock as you fall apart around his cock.

He groans, loving how tight you are and how you are soaking him every time your walls contract. “Baby, my love.” He whispers, watching you in awe and appreciating how gorgeous you are. “Are you- your implant?” He gasps, dangerously close to cumming but he wants to make sure you are safe.

“I got a new one. It’s safe.” You pant out, letting go of the headboard and you cup his cheeks, leaning in to kiss him as you start to move again. Rocking back onto him, you moan into his mouth, “cum for me.”

He doesn’t try to rock up into you, letting you set the pace to make him cum. Enjoying the way that you are working his cock, milking it as you ride him. “I- fuck, I’m gonna cum.”

Ezra groans. “Gonna fill you up. Paint my favorite canvas of your womb.”

You moan at his words, always waxing poetry in the filthiest way. “That’s it, baby. Cum for me.” You beg breathlessly, struggling to keep working yourself on his cock, your thighs aching, but you want to watch his face when he fills you up. His brow furrows, his lips parting until he lets out a groan, cock twitching inside of you as he fills your womb just like he promised.

Ezra shudders, his hips jerking up and his eyes flutter and roll back in his head. Riding out the best fucking orgasm he’s had in years, since you, with another filthy groan of your name. Until he’s completely spent, pouring himself into you.

You smile against his chin, breathing him in and he relaxes beneath you. You’re reunited with your husband after so many years of loving and hating him. You caress his cheek and his arm comes up to slide along your spine. “Still the most magnificent pussy in the fucking galaxy.” He murmurs and you giggle, kissing him softly, “and all yours.”

****

You stare out of the window at the suns, glowing above as you finish stirring the sauce for Ezra’s favorite meal. “Mama! How long until dinner?” Your son asks, his small patch of blonde hair just like his father. 

“Not long, baby. Go wash your hands. Tell Cee to clean up too.” You order and your five year old rushes off to tell his “sister” to get ready for dinner. 

“Mmm, is that my favorite?” You feel an arm wrap around your waist. Your husband kisses along your neck and you tilt your head to allow him more access. His glasses dig into your skin but you don’t care, turning your head to press your lips to his. 

“It is. Wanted to celebrate our wedding anniversary. All those years ago and the shit we went through and here we are.” You smile and Ezra caresses your round stomach. 

“Another baby on the way. Cee is about to head out on her own. We did good, little bird.” He murmurs, his eyes full of adoration. 

“We did. We got off that damn planet and we made it in the end.” You hum, placing your hand on top of his. 

“We made it.” Ezra repeats softly, kissing your head as he looks out of the window to a bright blue sky and clean air.

[morganas-pendragons]

nightmare | celebrimbor

I cannot be stopped. Hurt/comfort is my JAAAMMMMMMMMMMM.

I guess this can technically be read as spoilers for episode 8. read at your own risk!

if any of you know billy joel you will automatically guess the song I used because somehow since I watched the finale it is ALL THAT PLAYS IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!

tags: @ladyoflindon

the same elf reader of wash away the blood and ease - if you guys want to see more, I may take a few requests for Celebrimbor only over the weekend!

That evening, the stars and the silence are his only company. Annatar has had him working mercilessly on the completion of The Rings, much to your dismay. You are the only one coming to Celebrimbor's defense as his mind continues to betray him. His voice has been taken by The Lord of Gifts.

You, however, are content to remind him that you are there to be his defense.

He cannot help the exhaustion that overwhelms him as night fully falls. All the other smiths are asleep, including you, and Celebrimbor has never been one who enjoyed his solitude. It is worse when he feels as if Annatar is lurking around every corner like a viper waiting to strike at its prey.

He is alone. He is alone, defenseless, and desperately in need of sleep and sustenance.

Celebrimbor cannot ignore the lure of sleep as his head slumps forward to come and rest against his desk.

The dreams are worse than his reality.

***

The night is dark and full of terror. You, along with many of the remaining Elves from the Siege of Eregion, are forced to your knees in what remains of Eregion's courtyard.

There are bodies everywhere. Fire encompasses much of what remains of the ruins, and you are on the precipice of losing the only home you have ever known.

Your hope is truly lost when you see what Annatar has done to the man you love.

A scream builds itself inside the back of your throat as you see Sauron march Celebrimbor out of the tower. The supposed Lord of Gifts holds your husband's robes in one hand, a pole suspended in the other as he throws Celebrimbor to the ground in front of you. You are only mere feet apart.

There are so many words that can be exchanged in those moments. You want to hold him, for him to hold you, to shelter one another from the cruelties you both have endured.

Annatar has a bow slung over his shoulder and is coming closer to you than you want him to. His presence makes you angered for all the things he has done since he came here, the pain he has caused, and the dissension he wrought upon your people.

Two of the Uruk have you pinned to the ground, your arms painfully pressed to your sides as you struggle to reach Celebrimbor.

One singular arrow fires. The whimper bubbles in your throat as it impacts Celebrimbors shoulder. There's so much blood on him that you almost cannot see his skin. The smell is in the air, tangible on your tongue, and the very thought that it is all his makes you want to retch.

Those eyes are as gentle as ever.

"All will be well, my love."

You can barely hear the sound of Celebrimbor's cries as Sauron wrenches your head upward and grips your chin with a bruising grasp. "I know that of your heart's desire. For someone so powerful, it proves to be your greatest weakness." He said. "And now you will watch as I take him from you."

He fires another arrow.

Celebrimbor thrashes awake at his desk with the sounds of your screams lingering in his ears. He has to run his hands across his chest numerous times to ensure there are no lingering wounds from arrows, and that there is no blood staining his robes. All he feels is soft fabric and warmth from his own skin.

It is not enough to quell the fear.

"That will not do," Celebrimbor whispers as he scrambles to his feet and out of The Forge. These steps that follow have been memorized out of many nights of sheer desperation and longing for respite found often in you. "Need to find... has to be safe..."

Your chambers have been one of the only places within his tower that he has felt truly safe since The Lord of Gifts has arrived. You have forced him to sleep on numerous occasions since the beginning of forging The Nine, and Celebrimbor has found himself stumbling to find you on numerous occasions out of sheer desperation.

His quiet confessions are always piercing. You are the only soul that ever hears them.

"I am afraid, My Love. I cannot sleep when I am so.."

You never question him. You take him into your bed and he curls against you, back to chest, and lets himself fall asleep to the lull of your voice as you sing.

Celebrimbor hates that it has been you comforting him so often. He wonders when the time will come for you to be the one comforted, but he also believes you are a gift sent from the Valar in his most dire time of need.

He shakes his head roughly and steps inside your room. There is no time for such thoughts. His heartbeat is pounding so wildly in his ears that he barely hears his own call of your name as he stumbles toward the bed.

You are the very picture of peace. The sight alone comforts him. He so rarely has had nightmares bad enough to wake you up, but Celebrimbor is not sure he can deal with the effects of this one on his own.

Tender fingers graze your cheek as he shakily settles on the bed. You hum lowly in your sleep, seeking out the familiar warmth of his touch as you lean into him. It is only upon feeling his shaking hand at your hip that you stir enough to open your eyes and peer up at him.

He freezes, shame flooding his body as he averts your gaze. "Celebrimbor," You whisper. Celebrimbor does not dare to turn his head to you. His aversion is what prompts you to sleepily prop yourself up on an elbow and use your free hand to cup his jaw and turn him toward you. "My Love? Come to bed. The Rings will be there in the morning.''

Celebrimbor's eyes flutter closed. You seem to be waiting for some type of explanation, and he owes you one.

"I-" He swallows the knot in his throat and exhales softly. "I fell asleep at my desk."

"As you usually do." You tease softly. You tip your head downward and kiss his wrist.

"I fear I am to the point where I do not know what are dreams and what are real." The mere fact that he is divulging this is what wakes you up further. You shift your body in the bed so you are sitting upright, parting your legs to wrap them around his waist where he sits in the bed with his own body poised toward the door as if he would even attempt to flee. "I only wish for the peace of sleep. Sleep, in here, with you."

The silent words of away from him linger in the air as you link your fingers together where they rest on his stomach. When the two of you sit this way, you can feel each individual breath, the pounding of his heart, and the sweatiness of trembling hands that so tightly clutch your own.

The foundations of an idea are building in your head when you suddenly find yourself lowered onto your back on the bed. You know that look in his eyes when you see it; A longing rooted deeply in fear and shame over what Annatar has done to him, a desperation in needing to forget what has been done to him and because of him.

"You are struggling to discern that which is real?" You ask. Celebrimbor does not respond as he towers over you, caging your body in with his own as you submit to him. You know he needs this, so you will give it to him. You would give all of yourself to him if it brought him peace. "I will remind you."

You lay your hands on either side of your head facing upward.

"When I first came to Eregion, you took these hands into your own and led me through the city while giving me its history. History you were present for in a city you saw built from the very foundations. You took me back to the healers that night. When I was too fearful to let another touch me, you took care of me with these hands. Was that real?"

The memory sits clearly in his mind underneath the fog that has gathered there. He struggles to grasp onto it, to feel the weight of that memory until he can link his fingers with yours where they lay on the bed.

"That was real," He whispers into the dark. "I was fascinated by you. You were something new. Something new that needed protecting... and I felt that only I could give that to you in a way you needed."

You angle your head upward to press your lips to his forehead in such a tender kiss it sends a shiver down his spine. His breath fans against your face, mingling with your own as he anchors onto you.

You continue, "Not long after we met, I came to you in confidence about a group of male elves who had been harassing me for getting too close to their Lord. Two of them tried to advance. You did not let them. I was fairly shaken as that is the first time I can recall that happening, and you boldly stepped out to kiss my forehead and assure me all would be well and no harm would come to me again. Was that real?"

Celebrimbor knows that one well too. The reality of his memories with you is enough to permeate the darkness of his illusions fabricated by Sauron. The longer he grasps them, the calmer he feels, and the more he relaxes.

"That was real." Celebrimbor pauses to consider his next words as you peer up at him in equal parts fascination and awe. He will never quite comprehend the magnitude of how you look at him. "I have never felt devoted to anyone outside of my own kin."

Your eyes drag downward to settle upon his mouth for just long enough that he notices. Celebrimbor presses his knee into the natural part of your thighs and bends his head to meet your lips halfway.

That is the difference. That is what is real. So much of his waking hours as of late have been plagued by a bone-chilling cold. It is the warmth of your mouth against his own and the little sounds breaking at the back of your throat that remind him of what's truly important: Better than any amount of power or legacy he could ever dream of having.

You.

You pull away just enough to tilt your head and press a kiss upon whatever skin you can reach. "The first time you kissed me was outside the library," You whisper in his ear, soft and warm as you nuzzle where his jaw meets his neck. "We were both terribly nervous. I did not want to ruin what I had built with you, and you..."

"I did not wish to impose upon you if you chose to leave."

"Do you remember what I said?" You ask.

Celebrimbor closes his eyes. He can recall that night so clearly. It's the first time he confidently remembers the depth of how much he knew he'd come to love you.

His feet lead him out of the Forge and into the courtyard before Celebrimbor can properly process that it is raining. The path ends at the doors to the Library where he stops short and freezes once he realizes you've opened the door before he thought to knock upon it.

You're wearing his robes. The ones he'd given you your first night in the city. The red ones. They're his favorite.

"Celebrimbor," You muse softly as you drum your fingers against the doorway. "You're soaking wet. What-"

"You have consumed me," Your eyes widen as the words stumble past his lips, and he cannot help himself. "Thoughts of you have consumed me and will not seem to stop. You are the only Elf to cross into these gates that has embraced me as Celebrimbor, without looking for the Greatest of the Elven Smiths or the Lord of Eregion. I-"

You peer up at him now, wet hair clinging to your face as you step fully out of the shelter of the doorway and into the rain that falls upon you both. Your fingers idly reach for his own and squeeze when you recognize the sharp intake of breath at such a simple offer of touch.

"What do you want, Celebrimbor?" You ask softly.

He's the only thing you want you are too fearful to take.

"I want the pleasure of asking if it is okay to kiss you, my Lady. I have been wishing for it for quite a while now."

The color of your cheeks darkens as you nod, and he is upon you, in your space, trembling fingers slotting against the curve of your jaw before you surge upward to meet his mouth halfway. Something broken echoes in the back of his throat when you pull on his robes to tug him closer, curling your own fingers into the wet curls that press against his temples before Celebrimbor forces himself to pull away and allow you both to breathe.

"You chose me in a time I thought I would be alone forever," The words spill past your lips as he cradles your jaw and tenderly runs his thumbs over your cheeks. "But I will promise to you for all our eternity that I will choose you. Now, then, in every lifetime."

"You spoke of choosing me in every lifetime," Celebrimbor reminds you, lifting one of your linked hands to lay a kiss upon your knuckles. "And I will say the same to you for as long as you continue to have me."

You smile softly. Most often times silence would convey disagreement, but he knows simply by looking at you that there is no deceit or malice hidden there. Your smile is an assurance of his own words. No matter what Annatar does to him, you will be there, and you will choose him.

Celebrimbor unlinks your hands beside your head, feeling properly calm for the first time in days, and slowly turns to sink into the bed. You are quick to wrap your arms around him and press your face into his shoulder as he moves backward to press his back to your chest.

Relief floods him. The panic and fear that brought Celebrimbor in here has died down to a quiet thrum in the back of his head. It will surely rear its ugly head again later when Annatar comes seeking him out in the morning.

For now, in the darkness of the night, he will allow himself this one reprieve.

"You always seem to fall asleep easier to song," You murmur lowly in his ear, trailing your fingers up and down his side as you speak. He can tell you're not too far away from falling asleep again too. "I want you to tell me. What do need from me?"

It's a foreign thing for Celebrimbor to be asked now. It's so often, "What you can do for me." instead of, "What do you need from me?" He's a means to an end. A tool. A pawn for Annatar in whatever game is playing, a piece to be moved about the board.

Celebrimbor's words knot in his throat. He knows what he needs, but he cannot speak it.

Thankfully you seem to already know the answer. Raising your hand to his head, your voice softly begins to sing in his ear as he drifts between wakefulness and slumber.

"Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes... And save these questions for another day.... I think I know what you've been asking me... I think you know what I've been trying to say...."

His body gradually grows more lax in your hold as you continue, "I promised I would never leave you... and you should always know..... wherever you may go, no matter where you are.. I never will be far away...."

A single tear falls to stain his robes. You hate that he is in so much pain. You hate that you can do little but be his shield, forced to step between him and Annatar for fear that this charade of creating the Rings will be his downfall.

You will not let that happen. If covering Celebrimbor in love is enough to ease that pain, to quell that fear, then you will do it. His needs far outweigh your own.

"Goodnight my angel now it's time to dream.... and dream how wonderful our life will be...." Your voice breaks as you hold him tighter, keenly aware Celebrimbor has fallen asleep in your embrace and can no longer consciously hear you.

You do not finish the song. You simply allow yourself to feel the weight of him in your arms, the depths of each breath beneath your palm, and remember that you have tonight. He will be gone by the time you awake.

"I love you," You breathe. He does not hear your confession: The first time such words have fallen into the open. "And I will remind you of it again and again even if it is to be the only truth amidst all of the deceit."

You do not realize that he is only on the precipice of sleep and has heard your every word enough to hesitantly whisper, "I love you too, my love." before sleep claims you both with the stars and the silence as your company.

[xiaosonlybeloved]

Our Love is Six Feet Under- Nakahara Chuuya

featuring: Nakahara Chuuya (bsd), gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned) warnings:- angst throughout, major character death, major light novel (stormbringer) spoilers!! a/n:- my, my, this idea has actually been rotting in my brain for over a month and its my longest fic till date. i loved writing it i hope u guys like it too <33 heavily inspired by 'six feet under' by billie eilish

wc: 3k || masterlists

You feel like you’ve been through worse than hell and back when you drag your eyes open. It doesn’t take you long to assess your situation and remember what had happened to you in the first place to get you attached to a hospital bed with various machines around you.

You promptly wish you’d rather have died instead, or never woken up. Not having had to deal with the pain that stabbed your heart like a thousand serrated, unforgiving knives would be a million times better than being alive. It would have been so much better than being the only survivor. 

Technically, you should feel no personal guilt over the Flags’ deaths. Its not like you had been hired to protect them, and what you had been paid to specifically do is the only thing that matters when you’re an assassin. Especially when the Port Mafia is the one who outsourced you. The blame of their deaths could, in no way, be pinned upon you.

Having feelings is what gets someone killed in the world you live in, a dark world in the deepest shadows of the city. Having an ability is no reason to be confident of yourself, not when the country is littered with ability users everywhere. And yet having an ability as unique as yours is how you managed to save yourself from the certain death brought upon you all by the King of Assassins.

It was supposed to be another normal day, right? You were off-duty, so you were hanging out with the Flags at the usual place, who you had become ‘acquainted’ with over the past few months of working together, Mori’s orders. If you could dare to curse yourself and them by calling you guys friends, you would. One of them, possibly the one you were closest with, had left for some mission with a foreign investigator, long story. So you were chilling out with the others, playing billiards and all that stuff. 

If someone had told you that would be your last memory together, you would have atleast clicked a picture for keepsakes. Or you’d have cherished the moment more, rather than treating it so casually. After all, you never know the value of what you’ve lost until you’ve lost it. 

In the present, you shut out your emotions- they’re too much of a storm for you to be able to deal with. The grief at their deaths, the horror at the memory of the sight, the overwhelming grief- you needed a break. You slipped back into unconsciousness, a weight lying heavy on your chest that would surely never leave you until you die.

********

The funeral seems much too loud and way too quiet at the same time, or perhaps thats just your thoughts. You’re silent in the shadows, yet again, watching the processions and the choir wordlessly. You don’t speak anything. You don’t think you have the right to. 

You haven’t dared to talk to Chuuya, or even approach him. He was the only member of the Flags who was not present when Verlaine struck, and thus the only one alive. He was incredibly close to them, you know, because you yourself were close to them, to him. Barely anyone had spoken a word to him, not even the boss. His aura was such that if you even dared to approach him, you’d probably either have your lungs squashed by gravity, or his own carefully crafted facade would break down. 

If, as someone who wasn’t even part of the Port Mafia or the Flags, you had been affected so badly, how was Chuuya coping? Was he? Yet, out of habit, you can’t help but keep an eye out for him. Silently, selfishly even, perhaps you’re hoping he can find it in himself to forgive you.

The foreign investigator has shown up again, looking much too cheerful for someone entering a funeral, and goes straight to Chuuya. You can feel that he’s pissed off, but a few words from Mori, and Chuuya stands up in a forced manner, going to leave with the detective. 

You manage to meet his gaze finally, but you don’t think you’d ever be prepared for it. His eyes bored straight into yours, eyes that had once looked at you with mirth and laughter, and dare you say it, love, eyes that were always an open gateway to his emotions. They held nothing but silent accusations, hidden anger, all pointing their sharp ends towards you. Not a single friendly feeling. 

Not a word is exchanged as he walks right past you, but there’s no need to. You’ve gotten the silent message he’s sending you crystal clear- he will never forgive you for this.

You think you deserve it fully, you understand. Even now. How twisted, really, but you got it. When he lost the Flags, he lost a part of himself too, but he still remembered you. And remembering you was a constant reminder of them, of your failure to save them, of the pain that came with. 

Though it hurt you, you knew that distancing yourself from him was the best thing to do. If you pursued him again, there was no telling what he might end up doing, but it certainly wouldn’t end well. Chuuya likely knew this too, and he clearly didn’t want you to come back. So you wouldn’t. This funeral would be the last time you associated with the Port Mafia, and thus Chuuya, even if it hurt you to do so. But again, considering feelings is what gets you killed in this world, and you’d rather not die so soon, although you actually don’t mind. 

And well, what did it matter if somewhere, sometime, Chuuya secretly wished you’d ask him to return?

********

Visiting their graves has become a monthly thing to you, due to your inability to let the past stay in the past. Perhaps its your own, guilty way of attempting to make amends, perhaps its your way of keeping their memory engraved in your mind, perhaps its to ensure that they aren’t forgotten, even if you know well they will never be. Deep inside, its a way for you to mourn the dead, as well as the loss of the living. 

You bring flowers every time, stay a while, occasionally leave something for them. Sometimes, you talk to them, sometimes you apologise over and over again, sometimes you stay silent, letting your thoughts still for a while. If nothing else, you just stared at the small rose plants that were growing there, one behind each of the five graves. It always amazed you, that such a delicate flower could grow in such a barren place. It sure seemed like they’d be blooming soon, and whenever you visited, you always made sure to check on them.

Time passes, but the wounds do not heal from inside, they just scab over, concealing the pain at first glance. You’ve gotten better at hiding it, yes, but that does not make it any better. You’ve become stronger, risen in rank as an assassin, honed your skills further. You’ve become reputed for carrying out your tasks in a swiftly lethal, unclouded way that left no traces. Almost a year has already gone by since the incident, and you still havent forgiven yourself. Nor has Chuuya.

That’s why, on their death anniversary, when you feel his cold gaze on you for the first time in a whole year when you were at their graves, you don’t hesitate to get up and start to leave. It’s best for him to not see you again. You’ve cut off all contact with the Port Mafia, except for when you occasionally got hired by them, and even then you finished it quickly, wasting no time. Interacting with no one. 

So that’s why it surprises you, when he holds up a hand, walking past you to lay the flowers on their graves. “You can stay.” He speaks emotionlessly, not looking at you. He sounds older, more mature, which was to be expected, you supposed. You remain standing where you are for a few moments, not facing him as he walks over and sits behind one of the graves. “As long as you aren’t doing anything wrong, of course.” He adds. At that, you sit in front of the grave he’s leaning against, replying quietly with a “No, I was merely paying my respects.”

It was anyways evening when you came, soon, the moon starts its ascent through the sky, as silence settles between the two of you. Not a word is exchanged between the two of you as you sit on opposite sides of the same grave, in each other’s company. The only people who could truly understand each other’s pain and suffering.

You settle for silently staring at the roses. Small buds have formed, but they don’t look well- its as if the whole plant is starting to wilt, little by little. They haven’t flowered even once yet,and you wondered if those roses would bloom before the plant died. Could they? After all, the weather was changing- it was raining more often these days. Maybe they couldn’t take it. Even now, a light drizzle had started as you sat, but it took you some time to realise, because you didn’t feel the rain at all, only noticing the faint red hue around. You didn’t mention it, nor did Chuuya.

Perhaps, whatever once could have been between you and the guy opposite you was symbolised by those roses- it could have bloomed, if given the chance, but life abandoned it,  left it to wilt in the aftermath of the storm. Any possible chances for you two were like the beloved ones who had left you now- six feet under the ground, dead, marked by a grave. This was merely the hand that fate dealt you, you had no choice but to accept it

********

“I can’t see the moon tonight.”. You murmur, almost to yourself, as you remain seated against the graves. It had been years, and even till now, neither of you had stopped coming to the grave to pay your respects, you arriving first every time and waiting for him. Your own visits weren’t monthly anymore due to life, more sporadic, but you still did visit from time to time, and you know Chuuya did too. And every year, on the fateful day that the incident happened, both of you never failed to show up, at the same time. Sometimes you exchanged a few words of greeting, a line or two about life. Other times you sat in silence till the moon’s glow started to dim, leaving as noiselessly as you came. Over time, this became your and Chuuya’s last remaining shared tradition out of all those that used to exist, your last link to each other. Seems like none of you was truly able to stay away from the other after all, huh?

“Say, Chuuya, next year, can you check for me whether the moon is visible or not? I feel like there really is something different about it on this day.” You ask him. He curtly replies, “Yeah no, you can do it yourself when you come back here. There’s no big deal about it anyways.” There’s no real bite in his words though, but it still saddens you. You wave it aside though, as you stare at the rose plants, like you always do. 

Over the years, those roses have wilted, died, and new plants have grown in their place. Not a single one of them ever bloomed though. You want to ask Chuuya to check on those plants next year too, but you don’t.

Tired from your day at work- it was more hectic and dangerous than usual- you lean against Chuuya’s shoulder. He remains motionless- he doesn’t push you away, but he certainly doesn’t pull you closer either. This is another thing you developed over the years- if either of you felt like you needed a shoulder on that day, the other would offer it. And you wanted to do it one last time.

Eventually, you two get up and brush yourselves off, preparing to part ways. You can’t help but let your gaze linger on Chuuya’s for a second more than usual as you open up your umbrella- it always does rain on this day, but today it seemed a bit gentler yet stronger- as if the skies were quietly lamenting over what was to come. 

Right before he left, he quietly spoke, the whisper floating between you. “Don’t think everything’s alright between us, because it isn’t.” He always does say something like this before he leaves every time, and again, there’s no real bite or meaning behind those words, just a formality he wishes to continue. 

You let a sad smile rest on your face as you gazed at him, before responding, “Don’t worry, I know.”

“Take care, Chuuya.”

As you started walking off alone, feeling Chuuya’s eyes still on you, ensuring your safety like the gentleman he was, you wondered if you had truly tied all the remaining loose ends of your thread of life, or did you still have regrets? It was very likely- no one could say they died without any regrets at all. And besides, no one’s end was written in stone, unless they carved it themselves. Sometimes, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was ever all too much for you.

The next morning, you call your boss to let him know that you’re ready to take on the mission. It was an important one, involving both a long period of infiltration for gathering valuable intel, and then the assassination of the target at the end. It was a high-risk mission too, but you were used to those, weren’t you?

Why would this mission be any different?

*********

Another year rolled past. This year, Chuuya hadn’t been able to visit the graves at all after the first two-three months because he had been sent overseas for a long-term mission. During the months he’d been in Yokohama, he hadn’t caught a glimpse of you- of course he hadn’t, he made sure to avoid the days you came, preferring to merely see the traces of yourself you left and leaving his own. After that he only got the chance to return there on their next death anniversary, and even for that he had to fight tooth and nail. He was a man of actions, and he would never be the one to break the tradition.

But he’d never imagined that you would break it either. You too were a person who valued actions, or had you changed over the years? 

His sharp eyes scanned the graves cautiously, but there was not a single trace of you. The only life around were the rose plants, not a soul in sight.

Rage, resentment and hints of sorrow bubbled up in him, taking him by storm as he strode over and angrily sat down by one of the graves. He was silent the entire night, letting his rush of emotions subside, staring at the gates as if he was expecting you to suddenly pop out. He stared at the moon, and at the roses. Did you not notice that they were about to bloom when you last visited? Because they were in full bloom that night, for the first time in years, delicate, fragrant petals shining in the moonlight. The moon, too, looked beautiful that night, a full moon surrounded by clouds. It was raining, heavier than usual, but the moon was never hidden. A memory entered his mind- last year, you had asked him to check whether the moon was visible this year.

“Well, it’s visible, and it sure is beautiful, but you didn’t even show up. Why?” He bitterly spoke out loud.

In the soft blowing wind that accompanied the rain, a stray lone rose petal lying on the ground gently floated in air, appearing as ethereal as smoke. He rose up to leave- you clearly weren’t showing up- eyes following the petal as it blew about, landing on a grave not of the Flags, but right beside, almost as if the deceased had specifically asked it to be there. It seemed relatively new too, for he hadn’t seen it the last time he’d been here. He walked over to it, to read what was written on the gravestone.

A moment passed, then another. And another. And Chuuya doesn’t know how long he spent there, kneeling in front of it. He was slowly getting drenched, because his ability had deactivated itself at some point of the night, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was the neatly written words staring back at him, taunting him.

At some point, he understood why he was alone that night. Why you weren’t there to give him company, solace that night. It was because you couldn’t, and so you’d left whatever remained of yourself there, beside him, beside them, eternally. He just hadn’t known.

He could barely breathe, he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to, because his chest felt so heavy then. Eventually, he noticed where the petal had landed- it was a small letter, slightly wet and yellowed, kept in such a way that the rain wouldn’t destroy it. Someone must have kept it there on your request, and so he took it  out, eyes taking in the faintly smudged but still intelligible words.

‘I’m sorry, Chuuya, for everything. I hope you can forgive me someday, even if I myself never could. Thank you for staying with me, for existing.

-Love, [Y/N]’

A silent tear slipped out of his eye, then another. “Idiot.” he whispered, voice cracking. “You’ve always been too hard on yourself. I think I forgave you a long time ago, I guess I just never wanted to acknowledge it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being too late.”

“And don’t worry, the moon looks beautiful tonight, and so do the roses. They’ve finally bloomed. I think you would have loved to see them, wouldn’t you?”

this took me ages to write, but i hope u like it hehehe anyways votes, reblogs and comments are really very much appreciated <333

[thoughtspresso]

Oshi No Ko was about Arima Kana all along.

And I think there’s a real possibility she may die at the end.

Or be placed in the way of grave danger.

I was reading some AquKane shippers say something about how they don’t understand AquaKana, and why the writers and directors keep clearly pushing Kana towards Aqua when they barely share any chemistry. Whereas, in their belief, his relationship with Akane is more honest, deeper, whatever. I’m not here to argue about that. But I get where they’re coming from. And the simple explanation is this:

It’s because this whole story was written for Arima Kana.

I’ve seen some Youtubers talk about how this whole story was meant to be fulfillment for Ruby/Sarina’s dream to become the next great Idol, something about Amaterasu favoring her.

And that’s near what I thought of it. But I really think if the God of Entertainment wanted to bless a child with cancer a second life as the world’s great idol, they’d also give her a great singing voice, y’know?

Spoilers for the manga, of course as we go along on this explanation. So anime onlies, get caught up before you start reading me ramble.

Here we go:

1. Arima Kana is the embodiment of Amaterasu, not Ruby.

Or at least, Amaterasu’s appointed representative, or her favorite daughter.

To give you a run-down of some of the core Shinto/Japanese Mythology that is important for the story, the Creator God Izanaki had three children:

Amaterasu, Goddess of the Sun.

Tsukuyomi, the Moon.

Susanoo, the Storm.

The story goes that Amaterasu and Susanoo had a competition about who could create better gods. So Amaterasu took Susanoo’s Totsuka-no-Tsurugi* (longsword) and split it into three, from which she birthed the three Munakata goddesses.

And woncha knowit, there are three great actresses born in that year?

*A reminder that Kana plays the character Tsurugi, which literally just means Sword. And Akane’s character Saya-hime just literally means Sheath or Scabbard Princess.

In this bet, Amaterasu got clever with the rules and won on a technicality. Susanoo went on a rampage, destroyed Amaterasu’s ricefield, and flayed Amaterasu’s favorite divine horse*, and then threw its body at her loom.

*The name Arima is spelled with the Kanji of Horse & Exist/Live. 

Amaterasu, in her grief, flees into a cave, believed to be Amano Iwato cave, right in the town of Takachiho, Amamiya Gorou’s hometown, and the death place of  Tendouji Sarina.

The being that draws Amaterasu out of there was the Goddess of the Dawn, known also as the Goddess of the Revelry & Arts, a being that Aqua says he knows well, and believes there’s a grain of truth to:

And how does Ame-no-Uzume draw Amaterasu out of her grief?

By throwing an absolute rager, and dancing really wildly that it catches her attention and makes all the gods around them laugh so hard. Just like:

Ame-no-Uzume will later on marry a diety who tried to block her passage before, Sarutohiko, who in Ise is worshipped as the god who illuminates the world.

That’s some divinity-level AquaKana shipping right there.

Just like how Aka Akasaka wrote the story of Kaguya-sama: Love Is War about two lovers who couldn’t be together just like in the myth of Kaguya, but having his characters overcome all odds to defy divine fate, I do believe that apart from the parallels to the mythology like he did in Kaguya-sama, there is very literal divine intervention this time in Oshi No Ko.

I think what’s happening is that the gods, particularly Amaterasu and Susanoo are quarelling again about who could create better gods, just like before, but now more of whose favored child will shine the brightest and be worshipped by the most humans. But just like last time, Susanoo may have been enraged, especially at the sexual assault of his chosen Hikaru Kamiki, that he possessed him with a corrupting force that urges him to destroy shining stars before they reach their peak, hence the murders of Himekawa Airi, Hoshino Ai**, and Katayose Yura.

Which by the way, the name Hikaru means Radiant Light!

And Hoshino means Field of Stars!

Whether it’s because Amaterasu is angry that every daughter she sends to earth is slaughtered by Susanoo’s chosen, or just because she wants to win their competition, she appoints Ame-no-Uzume to assist in safeguarding her new favored one from Kamiki’s clutches. Her new favored one being Arima Kana.

And therefore, Ame-no-Uzume takes the souls of two motherless humans who had passed before they could shine and sent them to become Hoshino Ai’s twin children. It was all anyway happening in her territory of Takachiho at the most opportune time.

Ame-no-Uzume is also known as The Goddess of Dance, as well as The Great Pursuader. And wouldn’t you know, that’s exactly the gifts that the Hoshino Twins received.

An energetic performer who takes the stage with dance:

And a deceptive, persuasive, extremely believable actor, who:

fooled his own sister into believing she had been rejected from an audition

pretended to scout an idol from a competing agency to research them

get Director Gotanda to raise him and train him

make Akane not just date him, but follow him down a destructive path

convince Kana and Mem to join IchigoPro

impersonate Pieyon for several days straight

Anyway, I truly, truly believe that unbeknownst to Aqua, his true mission is just to keep drawing Kana out of her darkness until she shines the brightest. Which is what he keeps doing anyway:

2. The Timing of the whole Oshi No Ko plot is aligned with Arima Kana’s rise to unprecedented stardom.

The story of Ai Hoshino’s pregnancy and meeting of Gorou Amamiya in a quaint hospital occurs at the beginning of Arima Kana’s life, just after she is born.

She meets Aqua Hoshino around age 4, already talented, and already extremely arrogant which could have easily been the demise of her career. But meeting Aqua and seeing his acting was a necessary wake-up call for her, that it brings her to tears. She never forgets this experience that she brought that lesson with her to her adulthood: that she can’t be satisfied and keep working harder, and to be a better communicator with her colleagues. At their first point of contact, Aqua already becomes the reason why Arima Kana’s acting career survives the slump.

They meet again in high school, when Arima Kana has one acting job in a lackluster production of Sweet Today. The ratings had plummeted, if not for the fact that Aqua came onto the set to draw out the best acting Arima Kana could deliver. After this, Arima receives much more respect and recognition from her colleagues in the industry beyond just being cast to bring some legitimacy to their production.

It’s because of Aqua and Ruby that Kana joins IchigoPro’s Idol Division, and her career is reborn anew. Such that, even after quitting B-Komachi, Arima states she never regretted the decision to join, because otherwise the career of Arima Kana would have been already over. 

It’s because of Aqua’s presence that Arima trains to become better and better as an idol. Aqua kept drawing out the light from Kana’s eyes, to the point that it catches the attention of the crowd who previously had no interest in her.

It’s because of her experience as an idol that she regains the confidence and sense of greed necessary to grab the attention of the audience when on stage, such that even Akane recognizes this change in her when Arima takes the stage as Tsurugi for the 2.5 Adadptation of Tokyo Blade.

And it’s because of all of these that she captures the attention of award-winning Director Masanori Shima, who lines up some roles for her when her acting schedule had dried up. It’s once again because of Kana’s dedication towards Aqua that Shima D finds her so interesting that he was most willing to promise her the best role possible.

It was as if Ame-no-Uzume-no-Mikoto appointed Aqua and Ruby to come draw Arima Kana out of her Cave, and bring the Sun out again, just like how the deity drew out Amaterasu.

If you think about the title of the show, Oshi No Ko, it literally means The Favorite Child. God’s favored child. Arima Kana had been born chosen by Amaterasu from the very beginning. And Ame-no-Uzume is sending Aqua and Ruby to aid on this quest.

Which explains why it seems like there had been a mission communicated to Aqua from the very beginning. And why Ai was never going to be reincarnated at all.

You would think that if The Crow Girl, which we assume is the divine guide Yatagarasu, was communicating with Aqua about his revenge plan or helping him find Kamiki, that Aqua would hold a more favorable relationship with The Crow whenever it appears to give advice, no?

But it’s exactly the opposite. Because The Crow is guiding him into something that is different from his personal goal that Aqua doesn’t understand.

And this is where I think Arima Kana could be put in danger.

3. Arima Kana is Hikaru Kamiki’s next target.

There were earlier theories that thought Kurokawa Akane was the one to die next, because of what people have now learned of Kamiki’s serial murderer profile targeting big celebrities before their peak, and because Akane had received a bouquet of white roses from him when she won an award.

The chapter when it was expected to happen was a fake-out from Aka Akasaka, and some people think it’s still possible that she’s the target. In fact, I keep seeing recent theory videos who discount Kana and say she’s “the safest”. Hah! If only!

The scenes with Shima D weren’t just a mere plot point to bring scandal to Arima’s name, and threaten her career and life enough that it pushes Aqua to reveal his mother’s secret in exchange. But it’s there because this is the upward path for Arima Kana. So far, the only people who have witnessed her dazzling star power have been fans of the Sweet Today manga, idol otakus, and people who attended Tokyo Blade. That’s not really masterpiece-of-the-century, performing-at-the-dome level. None of these gigs have placed her center stage in what could be Film of the Year, and a Best Actress spot. Now, the chance is here, and it’s real:

I think, The 15-Year-Lie will attempt to draw out Hikaru Kamiki, or that Aqua intends to reveal himself in the movie looking like him, and reveal the identity of his father.

But I also think what would happen is that they would be unsuccessful at taking him down completely. Instead, from the movie, he would be interested in Arima Kana, and target her through the course of her Shima D movie, and plan to kill her before an important awards night.

Alternatively, now that Kana is changing her focus to film, she may consider moving agencies, and ask Frill Shiranui about her agent. And if we’re right, she is likely represented by Kamiki Productions.

Either way, Kamiki will pay attention to her and try to kill her just before she reaches her highest.

But I don’t think Arima Kana will die. I think instead of being saved by Aqua, it’ll be Kana who takes Kamiki down. Echoing back to her getting mad at Aqua for thinking that avoiding her was protecting her, and Aqua believing that Kana doesn’t need help since she’s strong enough to take care of herself.

And then maybe, it’s Arima Kana who draws Aqua out of the darkness too.

And, just like with Kaguya and Shirogane Miyuki, Aka Akasaka is once again writing a story about two people who will defy a fate of divine tragedy, and come out of it being more truthful with each other than they’ve been with themselves all along.

[anaquariusart]

Hybrids in Little Tail Bronx A Ramble

This will be an extensive ramble into the nature of hybrids or just some things I've noticed about them. If I get anything wrong feel free to correct me in the comments.I am no were near an expert on Little Tail Bronx lore hahahah... Also SPOILERS for Solatorobo, its side material and the Fuga Melodies of Steel Trilogy!!!

What are Hybrids?

Hybrids are artificial beings created by Juno to pilot/operate Juno technology. Visually they are indistinguishable from humans but are capable of great feats of power. We've only seen one Hybrid was created by Juno, Baion. The rest were either made by the Anti-Juno organization Crusade pre-reset, or by Merveille and Baion post-reset. This doesn't mean other people did not try to create Hybrids, they just haven't been shown yet...

Types of Non-Juno Hybrids

Crusade Hybrids were made for two purposes, to be fauder for the Soul Cannon and to pilot the Belenos. They are fully humanoid except for cat ear headsets and metallic tails, which could be appendages used to operate Crusade's versions of Juno tech. All of these Hybrids are created as children, this could be due to Crusade not having enough resources or information to create the fully grown Hybrids that Juno makes. Most of these child Hybrids did not survive experimentation and Soul Cannon usage and were deemed as failures. The only survivor Jihl, was the only one who could be fired from the Soul Cannon Multiple times and he was to closest to making the Belenos actually work.

Converted Hybrids are Caninu and Felineko children who were experimented on by Baion. Four of the seven Red Data Children were converted, not created. I don't know how many children were taken for these experiments, but much like the Crusade most were deemed "failures" and disposed of, or in the case of 9071 they died off early on. Ironically, Baion is repeating the same atrocities as the humanity of the past (Crusade). Quynne is barely talked about but he is actually a Converted Hybrid who helped Carmine escape the facility and adjust to his new life. Some Converted Hybrids seem to have specific abilities an example is 9071 he had empathic abilities and if I'm remembering correctly Carmine has some form of future vision. (Seriously THESE guys were considered failures??? Baion your standards are too stinkin' HIGH).

Pseudo Hybrids technically refer to all Hybrids that were not made by Juno, but here I'm specifically talking about the ones Merveille created. She used her and Baion's DNA to create Blank, Nero, and Red. They are in human form (Trance form) a majority of the time but if they exhaust their power, they turn back into Caninu, a trait they share with Converted Hybrids. However, this isn't the case for Red. He is a Caninu most of the time but can achieve Trance when certain conditions are met. This is because he was intentionally made "imperfect" so he can learn and grow exponentially unlike any Hybrid before him.

Hybrids are Tools

Hybrids constantly use their lifeforce to control Juno technology. They are glorified keys for the cars that are Titano-Machina. I think if the power needed to do so is not too high Hybrids can use powerful Juno like technology with little to no consequences. Jihl being used in the Soul Cannon multiple times, Red surviving the Rite of Forfeit, etc... But if the power proves too great for them it could be fatal. Like when Jihl gave his life to revive Hannah or 9071 dying to the Rite of Forfeit because he wasn't a normal Hybrid like Red (and he wanted to die). This may explain why the people who create Hybrids are so...picky, being weak is not an option for these artificial beings. It's a manufactured survival of the fittest. What makes it all the more horrible is the fact that most Hybrids are children, they have thoughts and feelings, but their creators often disregard this. Failures are eradicated, Sucesses must fulfill their purpose no matter what, even then they are still discarded afterwards.

Some of My Hybrid Headcanons, Theories, and Trivia

Headcannon: Most of the Converted Hybrids are Caninu because of the race's association with technology, the Caninu majority of Shepherd, or Baion could have been concerned that Felineko Hybrids proficient with Nono could backfire when piloting Titano-Machina.

Theory: The Crimson Knights of Fuga 3 may be Hybrids! They each have individual powers like some Hybrids. The Berman Empire has advanced technology, they were able to create they Tarascus after all. And for what reason does Ash look like Carmine if not to make a visual association with Hybrids.

Headcannon: There could be more Hybrids who escaped from Baion's experiments. Look if Quyanne can escape and go unnoticed for a decade I think it's plausible that there are more wondering Shepherd or other parts of the post-reset world. (Free material for Hybrid Fan characters)

Trivia: The Red Data Children's color code names relate to red failure slips. Red, Rose, Carmine, Vermilion, Rouge, Crimson (Quynne). The exceptions are Nero and Blanck who are seen as successes.

Theory: Jihl's mother could be a narrative parallel to Merveille. Both eventually saw the Hybrids they created as their children. While Merveille was able to rebel from Baion by creating Red and in turn saving the Hybrids she made, Jihl's mother had little options except for sacrificing herself to spare Jihl from the torture of being Soul Cannon fuel.

WHOOOooo That's all...Hybrids are one of the most interesting aspects of the LTB universe in my opinion. I just wanted to talk about these guys (and do a little bit of Fuga 3 theorizing before it comes out)

TLDR Being a Hybrid kind of sucks (aside from the cool powers) Thank you for reading my Furry TedTalk

[vryfmi]

silent boy theory

bringing this theory back because ive been rotating it nonstop

[mild book spoilers!]

skull is characterised by his voice and snarky comments that Lucy has to put up with during their conversations, as well as the whispering tone which is heavily emphasised throughout the series. so when Dulac references to Bickerstaff's servant boy (aka skull) as "that silent Boy" in her confessions it really clashes with skull's personality as we know it.

TL;DR: my theory is that skull was mute or on a verge of losing his voice due to sickness, caused by working conditions and Bickerstaff's abandonment. thus, his ghost can't recall his healthy voice and can only whisper.

[id from alt text: a photo of the passage from the book with line "that silent Boy" being emphasised by image's dimensions./end id]

firstly, it's the whispering skull. not quietly talking skull, not its-voice-sounds-far-away skull. whispering.

‘Because you sure as hell look it.’ It was the lowest, throatiest of whispers; alien, but familiar. I’d heard it once before. (TWS) The hoarse whisper came from somewhere close behind my ear. ‘I say stab them first, ask questions later! That’s your only sensible option.’ (THB)

argument could be made, that silver-glass muffles the voice and it becomes quieter. but here's a thing - whisper is a voice alteration, not a sound quality. when whispering, vocal cords don't vibrate, and produced speech has a different phonation. so whisper and quiet speech are technically two different things.

secondly, skull's work field and conditions. as a young servant, skull was able to see visitors and ward them off Bickerstaff and his master's friends, while they were robbing graves for potential sources. ghosts radiate cold, temperature can drop down to 5 degrees centigrade, that much we know from books, that's why agents are wearing jackets and gloves during ghost hunting cases. and skull's ghost was described as wearing only a shirt and ill fitting trousers, while also being barefooted.

It was the first time I’d ever really looked at him, at the spirit that he truly was. He wore a white shirt and gray trousers that were slightly too short for his bony legs. His feet were bare. He’d still been young when he died. (TEG)

with Bickerstaff's obsession and apparent blindness to anything else that wasn't his device, it's safe to say that he would neglect skull's needs and didn't bother to get his servant any proper clothes, not to mention shoes, which at the time were expensive, since children constantly need shoes as they grow up, and it wasn't uncommon for children from lower class to not have shoes at all and walk barefooted.

that said, my theory is that skull came down with sickness while grave robbing, and Bickerstaff ignored it (mainly because he was a psych doctor, not a medical one), skull's condition worsened and turned into laryngitis. without treatment, his vocal cords got damaged, resulting in loss of voice.

[now, im in no way educated to diagnose a fictional character and there can be mistakes in my logic (like how skull could have lost his voice prior to Bickerstaff), but i went down a rabbit hole and need to share this.]

there's a condition that fits the description of person losing their voice or only be able to talk in whisper, it's called aphonia. there are multiple common causations for this condition, namely psychological, but organic aphonia is caused by damage on vocal cords or throat, that could have happened due to disease or physical trauma. (source)

it's also worth pointing out that any voice disorders in children and teenagers affects the way they socialise and behave. gestures and facial expressions become alternative to communication when voice is too weak for speech or it is painful to talk.

Someone had knocked the cloth off the ghost-jar, and the face had re-materialized. It pulled extravagant expressions of horror and disgust whenever I passed by. (TWS)

‘You know the rules: minimal manifestations, no rude faces, and absolutely no talking.’ The ghost looked wounded. ‘I wasn’t talking, was I? Do you call this talking? Or this?’ It pulled a rapid series of grotesque expressions, each one worse than the last. (THB)

and finally, Lucy. she almost undeniably plays a role of interpretor that passes down what skull says, since others have no way of communicating with him or, more specifically, no way of hearing him. it all does seem to fit perfectly together (at least to me) so i can't stop wondering of how intentional any of that was on Stroud's behalf. then yet again, Stroud did say that that he had a draft for skull's backstory but scraped it in favour of keeping his character as mysterious as possible. some elements could've stayed in the final version of the books, who knows.

[auncyen]

y'know what this is technically part of something else but I think it's worth posting on its own, too. Hikari ch. 5 spoilers.

-

Mugen collapses to the floor, that rotting smell only becoming stronger as he sags into himself. Hikari approaches him, reaching forward with only a slight hesitation to remove the helmet from his half-brother’s head—

What lies underneath it is a corpse. If Castti did not know better she would not think this man had been fighting ferociously only minutes ago, because the skin is already rotting in decay, hair falling loose. Hikari draws back with horror, the helmet falling from his hands as he stares at Mugen's wasted body.

Later, much later, they have drinks to relax. Castti joins Hikari overlooking the palace. “I cannot help but wonder how long the shadow had been consuming him,” Hikari confides. “It is with us all our lives, but I never felt it until my mother died. When I saw that corpse, I realized I could barely remember his face, as he had worn that armor so many years… was he withering already? Ku’s strongest warrior, and yet beholden to a curse…""

“I’m taking this,” Castti says gently, reaching over to lift Hikari’s cup out of his hand. “I think you’ve had enough.” A little alcohol can help lighten Hikari’s mood, she knows that from experience, but it doesn’t seem to be doing the trick this time. Too much and he’ll be consumed by gloominess now and regret in the morning.

Hikari does not seem to mind his cup being taken, still with enough clarity in thought to recognize drink is unwise. Rather, he smiles as Castti, rather than pour the liquid out, downs it herself. “Not a drop to waste, I suppose.”

“Mhmhm,” Castti chuckles after she swallows the drink. “Waste not, want not. You aren’t like him, Hikari. You can’t let his actions consume you.”

[corazondebeskar-reads]

you know you never stood a chance - epilogue

you know you never stood a chance series

epilogue: maybe light a candle

series masterlist | prev chapter 

Joel Miller x f!reader

Words: 2.9k

Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and Joel hasn't come home yet. (this takes place about three years after the end of the main story.)

Warnings: established relationship, angst, christmas in the apocalypse, technically spoilers for tlou pt 2, mentions of breastfeeding (not as a fetish), found family, poor communication, oral (f receiving), postpartum depression, possibly violating child labor laws by using a baby as a plot device, pls remember I am playing fast and loose with both canon and the timelines lol

also on ao3

dividers by @saradika-graphics

It’s Christmas Eve.

Or, at least, according to the council. You’re not sure if anyone is really sure what the date is anymore.

But for all intents and purposes, maybe it’s Christmas Eve. The holiday is a thin, moth-bitten version of its former self, but you’ve never been the holly-jolly or the religious sort, so Christmas Lite suits you just fine.

Maria had invited you and Lulu to the mess hall for a big meal and activities for the kids. It was less of an invitation than an expectation, but you stayed home anyway.

And maybe it wasn’t fair. Maybe she wanted you there for the same reason you didn’t want to be there. She’s fucking tough, maybe the strongest person you know, but she has to be feeling Tommy’s absence today, too. It isn’t Aléjandra’s first Christmas, but likely the first one she’ll remember, which is worse.

But it’s more than it just being Lulu’s first Christmas. It’s that Maria had made a point of telling you that Ellie would be there.

You prepare to watch her leave for the night. The light pours in the window when she opens the shed door, and you know she can see your shadow haunting the living room.

You want Ellie to meet her sister. You dream of it nearly every night. But there’s no way in hell you’re doing it without Joel. It’d break his heart. You like to think she knows, at least. Someone (probably Tommy) had to have told her.

So when she climbs the steps instead of walking past, you freeze. Her knuckles rap against the wood, and you close your eyes. You can’t. You need to, but you can’t.

“Maria asked me to remind you that you promised to come by tonight,” she calls through the door.

She knows you can hear her. She knows you choose not to respond (but she doesn’t know you bite your lip so hard to resist that it bleeds).

It would be wrong. But the ache is so strong you’re convinced it must be a physical wound.

She leaves.

“There goes Ellie,” you tell the baby, as you always do. “She’s got places to be, but she loves you very much.” The guilt of keeping them apart makes you nauseous.

Maybe it isn’t true yet, but you think it is. You think, despite everything, despite the anger she harbors for Joel (and a fragment of that for you), that she already loves her sister. Even if she’s only the shadow of a sister spied through dark windows and across the street.

You wonder if she knows her name. Tommy had started the whole “Lulu” thing, and though it had grown on you now, it made you suspect he hadn’t thought to mention she had a real, full name.

Luna Luann. Luna, for Ellie, and Luann for Joel’s favorite tía, the one who smuggled them chewing gum and taught Joel his strong right hook when the other kids were picking on Tommy.

You’d take this secret to the grave, but you hated the name Luann. But when he brought up the suggestion, he had talked about her for nearly twenty minutes, and so you love the woman despite her name, just for the way she brought a little more of Joel out.

You thought they’d be home by Christmas. You’re trying not to worry, but worrying’s one of the things you’re good at. It doesn’t help that you’re still struggling. You’ve been told it’s normal, but these last two weeks with Joel gone have been so hard.

She’s cutting a tooth (her very first), and you can barely catch a break. You sleep when she sleeps, but it’s never enough. A few neighbors have been bringing casseroles still, and it’s the only reason you’ve been eating.

So, you think it’s probably understandable that you crumble after you watch Ellie walk away and Luna starts to cry. The lights are out except for the single candle in the front window. You keep it lit all night in case Joel comes home. A beacon.

If you had a widow’s walk, you’d be haunting it. But you’re not a widow—couldn’t be, you’re not even a wife—and he’ll be fine. He’ll come back.

Joel always comes back.

It might be Christmas Eve, and you’re slumped against the wall of your living room, crying in tandem with your infant. There’s nothing wrong, you checked. It’s so much worse that she’s probably just picking up on your mood.

You orbit around each other that way. She is the sun that you and Joel revolve around, but his absence has sent you both off balance.

The sun might be the more accurate comparison, but you usually like to say Lulu, your Luna, was your moon, and Joel was the sun. He disagrees. He says he’s the rock, and you are her light.

It was profoundly beautiful, but none of the concepts held up to the reality. The truth was that you were a constellation, but without Ellie, you made no recognizable form. Sagitta with one feather, an arrow that can never fly true.

When you settle down to sniffles and the errant tear, Lulu has fallen asleep against your chest. You creep upstairs and lay her in the crib squeezed between the bed and the wall.

The room was plenty large, and part of it had been set up as a nursery. But after she was born, you spent each night on the floor next to the crib.

Joel hadn’t been having that. After the first week, he sat you down and asked if you’d be able to sleep in the bed if she was next to you.

And then he just… built a second, smaller crib. One that fits right up against your side of the mattress. It was low to the ground, so all you had to do was reach down, and you could feel her little chest rise and fall, or scoop her up to nurse her in the middle of the night. She’ll grow out of it fast, but by then, you hope you’ll feel secure enough to move her to the big one just across the room.

You had been embarrassed. Didn’t want anyone to know. After all, mothers had been putting their children to sleep in different rooms for ages. But you weren’t afraid to tell Joel, knew if there was anyone in this town that understood, it’d be him (and Maria).

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with keepin’ your baby close,” he said, as gruff and blunt as always.

When Joel comes home, he finds you that way. On your side, arm dangling into the crib with Lulu’s tiny fingers wrapped around your own. He sat down and gently tapped your shoulder, trying not to disturb the baby.

“What’re you doin’ here, darlin’?” he whispers when you stir. You blink up at him through sore eyes, then smile softly, sending his heart skittering.

“You’re home,” you say, extracting your finger and sitting up to reach for him.

He wraps you in his arms, lets you burrow into the nest of his broad shoulders. “M’sorry,” he murmurs into your hair, chasing the words with a kiss.

“Tommy okay?”

“Yeah, he’s good. Just hit some delays on the way home. Bridge was out. I thought y’all were going to the party?”

You don’t answer right away. You know he’ll feel bad. That he does feel bad, that the guilt eats a little part of him each day. All he wants is his girls all together.

“I was,” you mumble, feeling the tears prick with a vengeance. “But Maria said… Maria said that Ellie would be there.”

Joel’s arms squeeze you a little tighter for a moment. “Y’know I don’t want to get in the way of you talkin’ to her.”

“I know. But after last time… she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, anyway.”

“She’ll come around,” Joel says.

It reignites a new round of self-hatred, that he’s sitting here consoling you. After all, she had spoken to you after their fight. Sat down and told you she wasn’t mad at you, that she knew he probably didn’t even tell you.

And he hadn’t told you, hadn’t clued you in, trying in his foolhardy way to spare you the burden of the lie. And you were mad at him for it; you’d had your own spat after.

But you weren’t mad he did it. Not one bit.

He can tell you don’t want to keep talking about it, and that’s fine by him.

“You miss me, baby?” he murmurs, a teasing brush of his lips over your neck.

You roll your eyes. “Oh no, did you have to go two weeks without gettin’ laid?”

He chuckles, dark and raspy, as he reaches to cup your ass and squeeze, smirking when you gasp.

“And you’re tellin’ me those little fingers were enough for your greedy cunt? Like ya ain’t droolin’ for my cock right now?”

You whimper. He’s right. Two weeks is too fucking long for either of you.

He tugs you properly into his lap, legs wrapped around his waist, before he just stands up and carries you into the guest room across the hall. It’s not ideal, but if you leave both doors open, you’ll be able to hear Luna if she wakes.

“How’ve you not thrown your back out?” you grumble as he manhandles you.

He tosses you onto the bed, already peeling off his clothes and pointedly ignoring you.

He’s halfway through tugging his jeans down when he stops and looks at you. “What’re you doing? Let me see ya, sweetheart.”

You’ve long gotten over how easy you are for him. You only hadn’t stripped yet because you wanted to work him up. “You can see me just fine. Or do you need your glasses, old man?”

He takes the bait, shaking his head, before looming over you and running his hands down the sides of his old shirt you use for a nightgown. He barely grazes your breasts, just brushing the tips of your hardened nipples and grinning when you whine.

“Up,” he orders, tugging at the hem of the shirt.

You lift enough for him to pull it off and flop back down. It’s your turn to smirk as he watches the way your tits bounce with deep hunger.

And then he fucking rips the along the side of your panties and pulls them off, throwing them to the floor.

“Hey!”

“Shut up, you can sew ‘em back.”

“I’ve already sewn that pair twice, Joel. You’re a fuckin’ menace.”

“Is that so?” Suddenly his breath is hot against your cunt, and you clench around nothing.

“Uh-huh,” you moan as he runs one finger along the seam of your cunt. “‘Cause you’re a menace.”

“Only for you, darlin’.”

You laugh. “Oh yeah? Let me do a survey around town.”

He shuts you up by sliding two fingers right into your cunt, the stretch almost too much. Almost. But you don’t really notice because he buries his face between your lips, and any sassy remark comes out in a desperate cry.

He pulls away and gives you a warning look, head tilted. His free hand comes up to cover your mouth, thick fingers clamping down and digging into your cheek. It makes you moan, but it also muffles it, so it works out fine.

“If you want your turn, you gotta be quiet. Otherwise, I’ll just have mine and shut you up proper.”

You choke down the moan dredged up by the thought of his cock down your throat and make the saddest pleading eyes you can muster.

He rolls his, shaking his head, before he goes back to your neglected clit.

You’re close, so close when you hear it. You pat Joel’s head, sitting up. “Was that the door?”

The shift is immediate. Three years in town has allowed Joel to relax somewhat, sometimes, but he slips back into it in an instant. He pulls back, brow furrowed, squinting like it’ll help him hear better.

It comes again, louder this time, insistent enough for him to pick up. A firm knocking.

There’s a pause, but Joel’s already on his feet, pulling his clothes back on. He tosses your shirt over as he ducks out of the doorway and you’re slipping it over your head when whoever is outside grows impatient.

Rapid, furious banging rattles the door, and you dart across the hall to shut the bedroom, but it’s too late.

Lulu starts wailing immediately, her little face scrunched up, nose wrinkling, and tears pouring out faster than a faucet. You scoop her up and soothe her, cradling her as she finds solace for her hurt feelings and empty stomach.

Joel goes downstairs, partly to shut up the racket but mostly because the sound fills him with dread. When he opens the door, it flings wide, and the tirade begins immediately.

Ellie storms in, already yelling. “—could you? What the fuck is wrong with you? You won’t even let her come out for fuckin’ Christmas because she might see me?”

You’re going down the stairs as soon as you hear her voice, but she stops yelling when she sees you on the landing.

“It’s not his fault,” you say, face hot with frustration and raw hurt. You hate the way your eyes water.

“Like hell, it isn’t. Maria said you were going to come, that one of you might actually have the balls to tell me you had a fuckin’ baby, and—”

“And I decided not to go, Ellie. Joel wasn’t even home. He didn’t know.”

Lulu has started to cry again, distracted from nursing by your ire. You murmur apologies, kissing the little tuft of dark hair on her head, and try to coax her back to your breast.

Ellie’s eyes are wide, and feet planted, ratty sneakers dripping filthy snow across the floor. Her mouth hangs open as she takes in the tiny, ruddy creature who finally agreed to return to her meal.

“Hey, Ellie. We had a fuckin’ baby,” Joel says after the silence hangs for a minute too long.

The bark of laughter that bursts out of her looks like it hurts, but she can’t fight it. The tension dissolves into absurdity and then tears.

Ellie sits on the ground instead of the perfectly nice sofa to her left. You come down the stairs and sit beside her.

You look up at Joel, and he nods. You wish he’d come sit, but he’s too afraid to break the peace. “Would you like to hold your sister?” you ask Ellie, keeping your voice low and steady.

“Can I? I mean… what if I break her?”

“She’s pretty tough.” Lulu is done eating, just suckling for comfort, so you pry her off your breast and tug your shirt back up.

Joel takes her without thinking, leaning her against his shoulder to help her work out the air.

Once she gives a satisfactory belch, he thrusts her at Ellie, who’s startled enough to take her without thinking about it.

You all hold very still. Except Lulu, who is blissfully unaware of the strife and coos up at her big sister. She bats a little hand at her face, smacking her nose in an attempt to grab on. Ellie laughs, and her smile, her perfect smile that you haven’t seen in a year, breaks out.

You can’t help it; you start crying. Ellie looks up in alarm, but Joel shakes his head, moving closer to rub your shoulder.

“It’s not you,” he says solemnly, “it’s just hard, after.” He gestures at the baby.

“It is you,” you say, and Joel scrubs a hand over his face with a soft groan. “It’s—I’m sorry, I just—”

Ellie’s looking like she might make a break for it. She tries to hand the baby back to Joel, who refuses.

You get ahold of yourself. “It’s not bad, Ellie. I’ve just been waiting for this since she was born.”

Ellie softens and then scowls. “Then you should have told me. You should have told me you were pregnant in the first place. I said you could talk to me.”

“No, I couldn’t,” and you pause as she shoots a dirty look at Joel. “No, not because of him. Because I would have done the same damn thing, so you may as well hate me too.”

“What?” She seems genuinely shocked, which you don’t have the patience for.

“I would do the same damn thing. If I had been there, there would have been nothin’ in the fuckin’ world keeping me from getting to you, Ellie. Nothing short of death. Not then, not now. I’d do it for her, too.”

The room is stifling, and Joel hasn’t even lit the hearth yet. Your breath comes out in little puffs, and every one of you has wet, devastated eyes. Even Lulu, who looks like she might be the first to break into tears.

Ellie looks down and sighs. “So, Lulu, huh?”

“Actually,” Joel says, and chances a step closer, squatting down. “It’s Luna. Luna Luann. Tommy’s just an idiot.”

Ellie’s a smart kid. You can see the moment it clicks—the way she looks up at Joel with something akin to hope. It fades quickly, but you know he saw it, too. His own staggering heart, heavy with love unspoken, is betrayed in the way he has to fight a smile, choke down the relief. Maybe, just maybe.

Maybe next year, you’ll get a tree.

thank you all so, so much.

*title from "Alone This Holiday" by The Used

[sundrop-writes]

Your First Kiss With Dick Grayson

Dick Grayson x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary:

The Titans have faced a lot together, but never something quite as troubling as the possible return of an inter-dimensional demon that shreds apart worlds and leaves nothing standing in its wake.

You hate to admit it, but even standing with your team - you're afraid. Dick tries his best to comfort you, but for once during his career as noble, selfless team leader - he takes a moment to be selfish, and does something that he has been avoiding doing for years.

Dick Grayson x Gender Neutral Reader. Childhood Friends to Lovers. Angst and Fluff. Set during Season 4, Episode 6.

Word Count: 2,900

DC Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link

Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: this one is a bit more on the angsty side; this fic features major spoilers for season 4 (and for the majority of the show) - so if you're watching it for the first time or you haven't seen it yet and you want to watch it spoiler free, then avoid this fic for now; the reader character is completely gender neutral - the only pronouns used for the reader are you/yours; the reader is one of the original Titans; the reader and Dick are childhood friends through the Justice League - the reader is the adoptive child of Oliver Queen/Green Arrow (the reader is a talented marksman and trained in combat); the reader is mentioned to be an orphan (again, aren't all good superheroes); major pining from Dick - he has had a crush on the reader since they were kids (most of this is from his POV, so it's not specified if the reader has returned his feelings for just as long); mentions of canon character deaths; a lot of this is from Dick's POV so - warnings for Dick being emotionally constipated and referring to romantic feelings as a 'disease'; this is an AU where Dickkory never happened; mentions of canon violence - not described in graphic detail; mentions of the apocalypse/the world ending (and the anxiety this can cause); the reader is feeling extreme fear/anxiety due to the possible end of the world; technically - unresolved pining. I believe that's it.

A/N: The second part of the First Kiss series! I had a lot of fun with this one. This is the first really romantic fic I have written for Dick, and I enjoyed it so much omg. I was so tempted to write an enemies to lovers version with him, because he annoys me so much in the canon, and I feel like 'kissing in the middle of a heated argument' would work so well with his character - but maybe we'll save that one for Jason (or Hank, idk). instead, I went with emotionally constipated Dick Grayson, because that is sooo canon. he would not admit his feelings for someone if he had a gun to his head. and I had a lot of fun writing this mostly from his POV. I feel like he is such an interesting POV character to work with, so I might do more from him in the future. anyway, please enjoy!!

...

Stress. 

There were few other words to describe the horrible feeling that was dense in the air around them. 

Everyone was looking to Dick for answers, and unfortunately, he had none. Sebastian was missing, likely kidnapped by Mother Mayhem in order to complete a ritual that would likely mean the end of the world. Rachel had lost her powers and the Titans needed her unique form of magic now more than ever. Tim was impatient, annoyed because Dick wasn’t letting him use the minimal training that he had. But of course, Dick was hesitant to let the next would-be Robin off the bench after what had happened to Jason. 

(Dick could barely bring himself to think about Jason these days.) 

Kory was having difficulty controlling her newfound powers, and so was Gar. Which left the team weakened on all sides. Jinx was helpful on the magic front, but she was far from easy to control when it came to executing plans and corralling her rather wild personality. 

And Dick didn’t even want to think about what was happening with Conner. He just had to pray that this whole shaved-head, Lex Luthor impression was part of his mourning for his would-be father, and hopefully - it would be temporary. 

All of the chaos among the team left Dick leaning on you. As usual, you were likely the only person on the team who wasn’t experiencing any extreme drama. You were the only Titan with some true stability. 

And you were the person on the team with the most experience. Even more than Dick himself. Beyond being part of the original Titans team that had helped to found The Tower, you had been trained under Oliver Queen, who was part of the Justice League as Green Arrow. Ollie had taken you on as his own child when your parents died and left him as your carer in their will. Naturally, early into your childhood, he had started training you in the art of combat and marksmanship - so you grew up with intense skill. 

You and Dick met soon after he was adopted by Bruce. And much like Donna, you were a kind face and a wise voice that kept him mentally grounded well into adulthood. But you were also someone mischievous that made him smile; someone he could always turn to for a well timed laugh. 

You always kept him sane. 

And very much unlike Donna - soon after he met you, Dick started to develop feelings for you. 

Of course, back then, it was just a silly crush. When he told Donna about it at the time, she laughed. And when he had hidden his face in embarrassment, she then told him that it was ‘cute’. She told him that you two would be good together when you got older. So naturally, Dick took her words as biblically concrete advice. 

He decided that he should wait for you. That the two of you would be good together when you got older. 

So he waited. 

And he waited. And eventually - life got in the way. 

He had a huge falling out with Bruce, things at the Tower went south. It was never the right time to tell you. How the hell could he tell his best friend that he had those big, terrifying feelings mounting inside of him, worsening each year like a disease? 

It was never the right time to tell you because he was dodging disasters left and right and he needed you more as a friend than as a lover. He needed you as a brick wall to lean on. He needed you as that voice of common sense in his ear - the leader’s loyal first mate, giving him advice behind the curtain and keeping his head on straight. 

He didn’t need to tell you about his awful, festering feelings and have you gone from his life too. 

When Garth died, and then Jericho died and the Tower shuddered, it still didn't feel like the right time. Wounds were tender and even if you were never downright angry at him like everyone else was - you needed your space. Dick respected that. 

That day, you stood at the mouth of the elevator, about to leave for Star City to go and lick your emotional wounds at Ollie’s for a while, and you looked at Dick with tears in your eyes - looked at him like you were waiting for him to say it. But it wasn’t the right time. 

He still thought about you every single day when he was in Detroit. And then - he showed up at your door with a scared little girl, needing more advice, needing that brick wall again. It was only natural that when chaos found him, he needed your help. 

He hated that your advice was to call in Dawn and Hank. He relied on you, and you relied on family. And he hated that they were waiting at your apartment, called against his will once he had left to do some more sleuthing. 

But he found that you were right when he saw how Dawn bonded with Rachel, when Hank put up a vicious fight against those strangers who came to collect her in the name of her father. 

Watching you get thrown off that roof sent Dick’s heart through his stomach. As he clung onto the rooftop with his fingers and the muscles of his arm burned, all he could think about was you. As you sputtered out blood and he cradled your head, unsure of how to help you, terror gripped him in a way that it never had before in his life, because he realized that he might actually lose the most important person in his life. 

As you lay in the hospital, a set of machines barely keeping you alive, with Dawn loyally holding your hand in comfort and Hank seething to get revenge on the people who had hurt you - Dick ached with regret and not having told you. 

Still, when you showed up at that house in Ohio, somehow magically awakened from your near death by Rachel's powers - Dick felt that it just wasn't the right time. He swallowed his regrets like ash in his mouth when he reunited with you, hugged you tight. He didn’t even consider telling you about his feelings to be on the radar of possibility. 

When you came back to the Tower to help bring in Doctor Light - it just wasn't the right time. When you showed up in Gotham to help bring down Red Hood - it just wasn't the right time. 

Even when Dick died and was brought back to life by some strange magical pit, a pool of waters that brought him dreams of a far off life with you - it still wasn’t the right time. 

You were there to Dick's call, loyal and waiting, every single time. You looked at him with as much love and longing in your eyes as he needed (at least, according to Dawn and Donna you did) - but still, it never felt like the right time. 

It never felt like the right time to destabilize his entire life by uprooting the one good friendship he had. It never felt like the right time to truly fuck things up with you. 

Now, because of some cult that Dick believed to be long gone and a stupid blood ritual, the world was ending, and it still didn't feel like the right time. 

He wasn't the son of a demon from another dimension, but he still felt cursed. 

When Dick saw you slip out of the room, clearly trying to sneak away from the group, his stomach twisted with nerves. It was rare that you of all people cracked under the pressure. It was rare that you needed to escape from the madness for a breath. He mumbled an excuse to Kory and then chased after you, knowing that it wouldn't be hard to tell where he was truly going - but truthfully, he didn’t care. 

He easily caught you in one of the late night deserted halls of STAR Labs. 

The many glass walls overlooked the city - a collection of bright lights that made up Metropolis. Thousands of people that you never knew, that you had never met before. People that all seemed too important now as you contemplated their lives; thought about the fact that you might not be able to save them. 

Dick saw the sickly look on your face, the glassy sheen of guilt in your eyes even from far off as you leaned on the polished titanium railing that separated the upper floors from the atrium. His footsteps echoed in the empty hall and you heard him approaching from far off. He made no effort to sneak up on you or conceal himself, not wanting to startle you when you were already in such a distressed state. 

The minute you looked over your shoulder and saw him, your face broke from that dark, doomed frown into a haste smile, and you reached up to wipe away your tears, attempting to be subtle with that motion. You were trying to hide yourself from him. 

Dick came to stand beside you, resisting the urge to pull you into his arms. He desperately wanted to shelter you away from any fear you might be feeling. Maybe it was selfish; wanting to hold you, wanting to protect you from anything in the world that could possibly harm you. Maybe it was downright idiotic - because realistically, he knew that couldn't protect you from this kind of harm. He couldn’t protect you from the world ending. 

“Y/N-” Dick murmured your name gently, clutching a fist tightly by his side to resist the urge to reach out and soothe a hand over the trembling muscles of your jaw. 

You were holding in a sob, and it came out as a harsh, sarcastic laugh instead. 

“I know.” You said. “I know. You're doing that Team Leader Guy Thing.” 

You tried to make it sound playful and joking, but with your voice wet and soaked with worry and fear, it came off as a pathetic bid to deflect. 

Dick wasn’t sure how to reply. Because yes, he was doing that ‘Team Leader Guy Thing’. He was trying his best to, anyway. 

“You're gonna ask ‘are you okay?’ and I'm gonna lie and say ‘I'm fine, boss. All good.’” You continued. 

At least you were being straightforward about it being a lie. 

Dick wished that he had something genuinely helpful to say, but his throat stalled with dryness and his chest ached at seeing you so distraught. It really wasn’t something that he was used to. 

“I mean, it's not like it's the end of the world.” You let out another dry, sarcastic laugh. 

Then, there was a moment of silence - a beat of realization as your chin quivered and more thick tears rimmed your eyes. 

“It's - it's only the end of the world.” You spoke these words heavier, dropping any false laughter in your tone - it truly hit you. Any further jokes you could make left you. 

Dick choked on his own tears when he heard the aborted sob in your chest - something that came out as a whimper when you reached up to clutch at your heart. 

You were genuinely terrified. Terrified that the Titans wouldn’t be able to find a solution in time. Terrified that everyone was going to die. Not just the people you loved, but - everyone. 

“Hey, come on.” Dick said, his leader instincts, his natural caring for you kicking in. “We've been through worse.” 

Working with the Titans, you had been through a lot. Drug busts, battling against costumed psychopaths, the loss of a dear friend to a dangerous assassin. But you weren’t sure that you had been through something worse than this. Everything the Titans had been through had never affected the world on such a large scale. 

“Have we?” You argued gently. 

Perhaps not. Maybe the only time the team had been in such dire straits was the first time Trigon attempted to come to earth. But that had been when Rachel had been armed with her powers and had been prepared to take him down. But Dick wasn't going to voice those thoughts to you. 

You waited in agony for him to say something, and your tears finally breached - rolling down your face in hot tracks, laying marks of the true fear you were feeling, laying it all bare for the first time. Dick knew that his own eyes reflected that same glossy hurt now, if only for the pain he felt in seeing you cry - something that was so incredibly rare over the time he had known you. 

Dick reached out and gently cupped the side of your cheek, running his thumb across your face and wiping some of those tears away. You were so startled by the tenderness of the touch that you couldn't help but to let out a whimper, and you felt frozen as Dick spoke his next words. 

“It's gonna be okay.” He told you, trying his hardest to sound confident in the words. “We're gonna get through this. I know we will.” 

This time, unlike many before, you couldn't be inspired by his confidence. 

“Have you - have you considered what happens if we don't?” Your voice barely reached above a whisper, barely daring to tempt fate with this possibility. 

Honestly, Dick had not. In these kinds of situations, he didn't allow himself to focus too much on the negative. As the team leader, he did have to take all the possibilities into account. It was something he had to do in order to keep everyone safe. But if he focused too much on death and darkness, much like Bruce did, then he knew that paranoia would overtake him and his team would get caught in the crossfire. 

He had to spend his time coming up with solutions to fix the problem rather than spending his time caught up in knots, worrying about what would happen if he fumbled and didn't actually fix things after all. 

The literal end of the world? It just wasn't a possibility in this mind. 

But right now, standing there, staring into your big eyes, glossed over with fear as you looked to him for answers - there was only one thing that Dick could think of. 

And it was so incredibly selfish. It didn’t have anything to do with the team or being a good leader. It didn’t have anything to do with helping the others. 

Dick brushed his thumb over your cheek again, an incredibly tentative touch that had your skin tingling. You let out a small sigh, and the world froze around you when he leaned in - slowly, moving toward you at a pace that more than gave you time to escape if you wanted to. But you found that you didn’t want to. You found his closeness to be an incredible comfort in these moments of mental chaos. 

And so, he gently planted his lips on yours. 

It should have come as a shock - your childhood best friend kissing you. But in that moment, it just felt right. All you could do was shut your eyes and lean into the kiss, reaching up to grip his wrist, keeping him close to you as you leaned into his smothering heat. His lips were surprisingly soft, and he tasted like coffee - using caffeine to keep himself awake for days, trying to marathon a solution against the impending doom. 

His kiss was firm but so giving - a touch that easily swallowed you up with heat from the top of your head all the way down to your toes. It was a sensation that pushed out the rest of the world, smothered any worries about who or what might bring an end to it. 

It was the most tender, but most wonderfully passionate kiss that you had ever experienced in your life. 

When he pulled away, you sucked in a sharp breath, suddenly feeling incomplete without his lips on yours. The shock then began to set in, like pulling the knife from a stab wound and feeling the blood rush out of you freely. It created a dizzying mixture with the heat that was now boiling under your skin. 

Why? Your brain screamed out as you stared at him. When? How long had he wanted to kiss you? How long had you been missing out on Dick Grayson? 

Dick could see all those questions bubbling beneath your surface as the fear in your eyes shifted to confusion, and he finally decided to speak. 

“I'm sorry.” He said quietly. “But if the world does end, I couldn't die without knowing what kissing you is like.” 

“Dick-” You sighed, about to go on a long rant about how he could have done that years ago, about how he should have - and the end of the world was a shitty excuse. 

But you abruptly cut off your own words when more footsteps squeaked down the hall - the rubber soles of sneakers scuffing against the polished floor. 

Dick jumped away from you as though he had been burned, clearly wanting to keep the interaction private. Both of you tuned to see Gar approaching. 

“Dick?” He posed. Gar had a look of confusion, clearly wondering if he should question what was going on between the two of you but swallowing it. 

“Yeah?” Dick replied. 

“Um - Conner's missing.” He announced this in a nervous, meek tone, not wanting to bring the team leader any more bad news. 

“What?” Dick gaped. 

There was no time to further discuss what Dick had said to you. With the end of the world in your hands, it easily fell to the back of your mind. 

...

If you enjoyed this fic, check out my DC Titans Masterlist for more of my other fics!! And please consider reblogging and commenting on this fic to tell me what you liked about it.

[approximateknowledge]

the magus situation, or, "ak remembers log horizon exists and it exacerbates the brainrot"

(gonna be a long one)

so to the surprise of absolutely nobody i did in fact watch log horizon at one point in the past, and also tried reading the light novel but never ended up finishing it. my opinion on it is mostly "solid and had good potential, with some unfortunate quirks to how it's written". the anime is better than sao's, but the novel is worse

this isn't what this post is about

it's instead about a certain *spinoff manga*

the fuckign west wind brigade manga in all its janky beauty. it's a story that takes place in parallel with (and overlaps with) the main story while focusing on different parts of the world and a completely different cast of main characters. it tends to be somewhat more light-hearted than the main story (but not by a lot)

it's also technically a harem story, but in the same way UQ holder is, which is to say that soujirou seta has that touta konoe charm that makes me go "yeah i fully get it this guy is impossible to hate"; he's more the guild dog than the guild leader half the time (affectionate)

*anyway*

spoilers for the west wind brigade manga incoming

so the afformentioned soujirou seta (middle character on the manga cover) is in fact the very first person to die after the catastrophe, and in the process he proved that even after the world became real, *respawning was still a thing*

which suddenly made the prospect of pk'ing much less ethically daunting, leading to a massive explosion in guilds of bored disillusioned trapped people with nothing better to do starting to kill and loot en masse, as was already a massive plotpoint in log horizon proper. some are big guilds, some are smaller

and some are technically solo

which brings us, finally, to magus

*fucking magus* (affectionate?)

edgelord in a longcoat with the cringy speeches

but it's not exactly sincere is it? it's all forced, constantly like he's talking as much to himself as to his "audience"

like he really *wants* to believe what he's saying

"it's all a game anyway, i can do whatever i want! definitely! right? RIGHT?"

it is, in fact, a coping mechanism

because to admit it's real would mean it matters. would mean you're not actually hidden away anymore. no walls to hide behind. no mask

because it's all mask

it was the whole time

because it's easier that way

the persona and the longcoat an the fancy explanations for why it's totally correct and real, trust me! definitely not fucking desperate over here, no sirree!

it's the beater again. there's a beater in log horizon but you never meet them in the main story. because for this beater, the game doesn't end because it's over. but because they finally admit to themself it was never a game to begin with. which was of course the only way out, because log horizon doesn't have a win condition

if you can't "win", you need to stop playing

but that's not quite the whole story, is it?

because you know how it is with beaters

there's always a little footnote at the end

this funny little common thread that all examples ive found so far seem to share

yeah there's a massive very explicit gender angle to all of this because it's just part of the package at this point

and that is how magus' redemption arc also has her turning into a girl

it's frankly amazing, the thematic parallels write themselves, it's so delightfully on the nose!

this whole thing is in fact one giant transgender allegory that's barely an allegory at all

the "edgy longcoat-wearer with terrible coping mechanisms" to "cute akward goth girl" pipeline is real

[bodacioustomato]

Mouthwashing Little Things That Go Hard

Hello Mouthwashing fandom. I'm hyperfixated on this game. It has emotionally made me feel all sorts of things that I can't quite put into words. Sad. Lonely. Wanting to cry and throw up. You know, all that. I have spent quite a bit of time analyzing some shi in this game that stood out to me. See, someone like me loves the little things that hold big meaning in stories. Symbolism and Easter eggs go hard fr as well as attention to detail. And as we all know, this game does not at all disappoint in hiding things. Imma share some of my favorite sequences presented to us and kinda share my interpretations and discussions as well.

Note: not all of these may 100% be correct. These are based on my assumptions. I could be wrong (and maybe overthink lmfao that's valid too). My judgment can be criticized... as I'm not as bright as I want to believe I am

Spoilers!

Right off the bat, I'm gonna say: colors have a big meaning in this game. Each character has their respective colors that are linked to them. We are introduced to this at first with the character dialogs when they speak. And as we know, Curly is white, Jimmy is green, Anya is blue, Daisuke is pink, and Swansea is yellow. I do have theories on what the colors may symbolize with the characters themselves. However, I'll discuss my thoughts a little later on.

The Cake and Cocktail

There are two scenes in the game where we, as the players, are required to craft something in the kitchen. As Curly, we craft his birthday cake. As Jimmy, we craft the cocktail that is used to knock out Swansea. But something I noticed right away on my first playthrough of the game is the coloration of the ingredient packets.

For the cake, as shown, we use the water, gelatin, and sweetener packets. It can be seen that the packets share the same colors as Swansea, Anya, and Daisuke. And if you think about it, the roles of the ingredients kind of reflect off the roles of the crew. Water is important for everyone, which is in a blue packet. Anya is the nurse and an important member of the crew. The gelatin, which is in a yellow packet, is important for its purpose of keeping the cake together, hence Swansea being the ships mechanic and "keeping it together". And of course, the sweetener is in a pink packet, which can explain Daisukes positive attitude and "sweet" touch amongst the crew. But notice that the only packet not used is the green tonic. It is stated that the tonic has a bitter taste, and it's only used when making the cocktail. Kinda ironic as Curly is the one making the cake. I feel like personally, he has these three under control. These ingredients work together to make a cake.

With that in mind, when the time comes to make the cocktail in game, we're playing as Jimmy. The cocktail is used to knock out Swansea, who is guarding outside the utilities room.

At this point of the game, Anya has locked herself in the medical bay. As we have found out earlier on, Anya was assaulted by Jimmy and she's also pregnant. Jimmy has zero regards for Anya's well-being and constantly tries to cut her out of his mind, hence not wanting to acknowledge the problem he created. As shown, when making the cocktail, which requires the blue water packet, it's crossed out and replaced with mouthwash (which I'll discuss the importance of this later too) and the tonic is replaced with the isopropyl alcohol. While trying to forget one problem, Jimmy creates more.

I feel like I can get into more depth with the cake and cocktail... but I can't quite get my words out. I hope you can kind of see my thoughts behind this...

The Board Game

Now... bare with me. I don't remember the name of this game, nor do I really remember how to fully play it. I do remember that you technically win when all four of your pieces are home. We see this board game constantly. But I noticed that as the game progresses, the board game constantly changes. And notice, once again, colors... the four player colors are the same colors as Jimmy, Anya, Daisuke, and Swansea. I see the spots are white, which could reflect back to Curly... though I could be looking too deep into that. Perhaps that has something to do with how as all the events played out in the game, all Curly could do is sit back and watch as the "game" takes place.

This screenshot is the 7 days before the crash sequence. We're playing as Curly. And for a little while in the beginning, the pieces don't change much. We can see a few pieces are out on the board. Notice the blue and green pieces, which might be in reference to Jimmy's assault on Anya. It can be noted that Anya has only one piece in the "home" spot while the rest have more than one.

Hard to tell from this picture, but all of the blue pieces are knocked over. In this scene, this is where Anya locks herself in medical and poisons herself. The other player pieces have scattered across the board.

(Very shitty screenshot) but this is the board right before Daisuke's death. All the pink are knocked over. I think the knocked over pieces are a little foreshadowing of Daisuke's soon to be fate. I don't remember if this is before or after you talk to Swansea, but I do know there's a difference on the board between when Daisuke tells Jimmy medical is locked and when Daisuke goes into the vent.

Once again, shitty screenshot. But this is the board after Daisukes death. Both Swanseas and Jimmys pieces are all scattered across the board.

Here's the board after killing Swansea and when Jimmy cuts off Curlys leg. Every color, but green, is knocked over.

Now this is a little Easter egg I found in one of the dream sequences. I saw other people point this out too. I wanted to go into the game and locate it myself. We see this little Easter egg in one of the sequences after Daisuke's death. Unlike the other deaths, Daisuke's death is the only one that gets brought up more than once. It could be believed that unlike everyone else, Jimmy actually has guilt towards Daisuke's death. I tried to see if I could find anymore game pieces in the game. I couldn't. But this little Easter egg is neat to me.

The Hibiscus Flowers

I think we all know they go back to Daisuke. He wears a shirt that has pink hibiscus flowers on them. Doing research online, hibiscus flowers (especially pink), can represent love, friendship, and youth. Daisuke was a young, very friendly man. However, he was also naive and gullible and viewed everyone as a friend, which his naivety is what got him hurt and killed. And like a hibiscus, which don't bloom for very long, he died young and didn't "bloom" very long either. After Daisuke's death, we see multiple sequences with hibiscus flowers in them. Like stated on the board game, Jimmy constantly sees reflections back to Daisuke after his death, which can hint that Jimmy actually feels guilt for Daisuke's death. It's simple symbolism, but I always love flower symbolism, nonetheless.

The Dead Pixel

Ah yes. This one is very popular and well known, but that doesn't mean it's not still one of my favorite symbols in the game. In this scene, Curly and Anya are talking in the lounge in front of the night time screen. While talking, Anya points out that there's a dead pixel on the screen. Curly states he doesn't see it, only looking at the bigger picture and how it doesn't ruin the illusion. The scene, I believe, can represent how both of them view Jimmy. Anya was assaulted by Jimmy. Curly is Jimmy's friend. While Curly looks at the bigger picture and doesn't see the bad in Jimmy, that's all that Anya sees. She will only see the bad in Jimmy as she will always see the dead pixel. And as we know, Curly doesn't see it.

The Warning Signs

I've seen multiple different interpretations of this scene. All of them make sense if I'm quite honest. You play as Curly, who is on his way to the cockpit to give Jimmy his psych evaluation. However, you're presented down a long hallway and flight of stairs which eventually drops off into an ocean of red water. As you walk through the ocean aimlessly, warning signs, bent ladders, and eerie noises appear. In my eyes, I think this is both premonition as well as foreshadowing. The warning signs appear as you continue to walk through the ocean. You walk right past them, which I believe shows that Curly ignored the warning signs of something bad going to happen. I'd like to point out too that as this scene takes place, the player gets forced into looking in one direction after a while so you can't look at the signs. I believe the ladders that appear come from the discussion a little later on as they represent Curly in a way. They're busted ladders leading to nowhere. He's at the top with nowhere to go. This is a little personal talk between Curly and Jimmy in the cockpit. At the end of this dream sequence, you walk into a big ball of light (sun?). I think that could be subtle foreshadowing of Curlys fate of the crash. It all kind of mixes together as Curlys mistake to see the Jimmy issue is jumbled with his own personal issues. It all leads to his unfortunate situation of the after effect of the crash. Because right after the dream sequence, you're in the cockpit with Jimmy. Kinda funny too because right before this when he was with Anya getting his psych eval. I could definitely be wrong on this one... of course, my thoughts can be criticized.

Mouthwash

What's the name game after, of course. Mouthwash is the main object we see within this game. I'm not gonna lie, I was very stupid at first and had zero idea what the Mouthwash actually represented. Even now, my judgment may be a little off. In my honesty, I think it represents Jimmy. Realistically speaking, surviving off mouthwash alone isn't beneficial at all. Using just mouthwash won't actually help your dental hygiene. It may cover bad breath, but it won't clean your teeth. As shown in the game, the Dragons Breath Mouthwash doesn't actually have a lot of benefits to it as its sugar volume is very high. It has a 14% ethanol measurement. If anything, it'd cause more harm than good. This could be compared to Jimmy's power as captain as he does more harm than good. Jimmys has this constant need to fix everything, which inevitably gets everyone harmed and killed. And if you notice, for the ad on the mouthwash, the company states that they refuse to take any responsibility for damages done by their mouthwash. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? I think anyone can have a stance on what they believe the mouthwash represents in the game. Either way, such a simple item held such a valuable message. I'd like to see what everyone thinks on the 99% part. That I've seen multiple thoughts on the meanings for that.

I think the item of choice being mouthwash is clever. Reading on steam with a Q & A with the devs, mouthwash wasn't their first set and stone choice of an item. I think the choice of mouthwash is so neat because you will have no clue on its importance in the game without subtle context. But thinking about it, thinking of how we use mouthwash, and how its consumed in game, they couldn't have picked a better simple life item.

(Fun fact, each crate had 40 bottles of mouthwash. Jesus Christ did they drink a lot of mouthwash.)

Bed Placements

After the crash, everyone is stuck sleeping in the lounge. There are mattresses that each character uses. What I find interesting and rather sad is the placements of the beds. Jimmys is in the corner against the wall, Daisuke is right next to him, Anya is across from them and Swansea (which isn't visible in this pic) is somewhere else in the room. But what makes me sad is Anya's bed. Its right in front of the motion sensored Polle statue. When you walk over to her bed, it sets off Polle... and I noticed, her bed can be seen by all other beds. Justice for my girl please.

Employee Card Sequence

I believe this scene takes place after Swansea is killed. I think this scene is very neat. I could be wrong, but I believe this scene represents Jimmys guilt. Jimmy starts walking down a long passage with the five crew member employee cards on the walls. But looking closely at the cards, you notice something.

Jimmys employee card is constantly covering Anyas and Curlys.

Even later on, you see that Daisuke's and Swansea's cards are visible. Anyas and Curlys cards are there, they're just constantly covered. Kinda goes to show how much Jimmy is really trying to cut them out of his mind. But I also kind of theorize it could symbolize and compare both Anyas and Curlys abuse they share from Jimmy. Both of them are his biggest victims. Both physically (Anya being sexually abused, Curly being harmed and beaten when under Jimmys "care") and how both of them are constantly berated and talked down to by Jimmy. I really tend to hate how much everyone forgets that Curly is a victim too.

Employee Cards

This isn't necessarily a huge plot related thing, but it is a fun little Easter egg that I like. There are Steam achievements where you find all five employee cards. They're scattered throughout the game and around the ship. It's just a fun little Easter egg, but I couldn't help but notice the location of all five cards. Could there possibly be some irony behind their locations I wonder.

Anya: in the cockpit where the gun case is supposed to be.

Jimmy: by the Polle statue in the lounge.

Daisuke: by the board game in the lounge.

Swansea: in the coffee machine in the lounge.

Curly: in utilities by the cryostasis pod.

(took me the longest to find Anya)

The Main Theme

For being a simple little psychological horror game on Steam, the soundtrack is amazing. The main menu theme, which also plays at the end during the credits, is so good because I think it displays the game perfectly. It sounds so... sad and depressing. I think the song, when listening to it, conveys the feeling perfectly of feeling lost and hopeless in space. To make it even better (worse) you can hear faint sounds of baby gibberish and crying in the background. To think the whole purpose of what leads to the crash in the game is the pregnancy. I give the devs kudos in the music department.

Colors

Now this will 100% be a long shot and my upmost personal opinions. I don't think I've seen anyone discuss this (if you have, I am so sorry, I'm not trying to steal your thunder I swear). I feel like there is some meaning behind the choice of colors associated with the characters. I always think color symbolism is amazing (I'm a little special lmao) and like to dissect it in medias I enjoy. As I have shown a few times previously, there's a color for each character and its constantly brought up throughout the game. So here are my theories on the colors.

Curly: as I said Curly was associated with the color white. This one was very interesting to think of as white has some very diverse meanings. It can represent innocence, honesty, cleanness, hope. In some instance, white can make you feel safe and secure. All of these can make you think of the irony of the situation. But in my own personal opinion, it could mean the more negative meanings behind white. White is at the top of the color grid for any color. It also has no hue or saturation. It could be considered a very lonely color. Imagine a room that's got white walls, white floor, white ceiling. You'd feel trapped and empty in it. I think that's a perfect way to describe Curly's character. Lonely and empty. Not trying to get into full character analysis mode, but Curly is a very sad and lonely character. Before and after the crash, there is no real hope of where he's going next. When playing the dlc for How Fish Is Made, Curly kind of describes his predicament where at home and in space, he's lost. Life just goes by without him. He doesn't know where to go in life. I think white can show how empty and lonely of a character he is.

Jimmy: this is one I was lowkey able to think of right away. Jimmy is presented with green, and I couldn't have picked a better color for him. I love the color green. With that being said, I know quite a few of the meanings behind the color green. Like all colors, green has both positive and negative meanings. But the one meaning behind green that made me say "yep, Jimmy" was envy. Jimmy is envious. We saw that in the beginning with his thoughts on Curly's achievements as captain. Green is also bitter. Green could often times be associated with life and health... it can also be associated with poison and toxicity. Jimmy was supposed to be the "help" they needed but instead became the poison that harmed everyone. I thoroughly enjoy the choice of green.

Anya: now this one is very fitting, and quite frankly sad. Blue can be associated with innocence, trust, calmness. Blue is also a very negative color as it often times represents sadness, fragility, and depression. Anya was going through it on the ship. I wouldn't doubt all the emotions that she was feeling being in the situation that she was put through. A thing that I'd like to point out too is that the specific shade of blue with her is a light blue, which light blue sometimes can be referred to babies and the youth. This same shade of blue is also used later on when Jimmy was talking to Polle (there's theories about Polle representing Anya and the baby, I didn't wanna fit it here because that's a whole lot to discuss lol).

Daisuke: I think this one is also very on point too. Pink is such a bright and fun color. It's such a sweet color no matter the shade. And I think that goes for Daisuke too as he's such a sweet boy who is always so optimistic. Pink can mean kindness, love, positivity, and youth. Once again, pink also has negative meanings too. Pink can represent immaturity, naivety, and ill-confidence. As we know, Daisuke is a young man who isn't quite mature like his coworkers. He's kinda childish and his thoughts can be very unrealistic. He is also very naive as he easily was convinced to go into a dangerous environment by Jimmy. As I mentioned earlier on, the hibiscus flowers are also pink. This was such a good color choice for him.

Swansea: now... I will 100% be honest here, this is the one character where my color theory makes me really second guess myself. A lot of the meanings behind yellow don't really fit Swansea. Yellow can mean intellect and power. Swansea is an old mechanic, so he's had years of building his knowledge. Yellow is a primary color and doesn't have two other colors mix to make it. When I think of the color yellow, I think of happiness, brightness, enthusiasm. Swansea isn't at all a happy person. He was one of the first of the crew to be prepared to not survive. He accepted his fate. However, one yellow trait that makes me think of Swansea is deception and dishonesty. Swansea did lie, did he not? He lied about utilities and kept up with his lie until Jimmy found out. He lied that utilities, which had the cryostasis pods that were supposed to save them, was foamed. He kept up with this lie for his own purpose. I will definitely listen to more theories on this too if anyone has any. I am all for colors. I do want to believe there's more to the color yellow than what I am coming up with.

Not gonna lie, there are a few more things I could've added to this list. The post was getting very long so I did cut out some things. These are just some of the few things in Mouthwashing that stood out and caught my attention. By all means, share some of your favorite moments, symbols, easter eggs. I love the thought put into this game and I love the thought the fandom has put into decoding it.

[softlypaintedseafoam]

織姫

synopsis. "do you want to protect nayuta? then follow two rules. stay away from major cities and don't join the public safety devil hunters." you're 19 years old when you technically break only one of kishibe's rules.

pairing. makima x f!reader (afab)

word count. 13.5k | masterlist

content warning. part 1 spoilers (manga spoilers), canon divergence (makima never meets denji), man is a blazing star (series), canon-typical violence, amoral protagonist, character death, established relationship, dissociation, non-linear storytelling, use of y/n

reblogs & interactions appreciated.

the finale of man is a blazing star and probably my love letter to the entire series as a whole, so i'm especially proud of it. i really wanted to make a piece where the reader, now older, despite maintaining key aspects of her previous incarnation is also starkly different and i hope it shows!

Dawn is a time of day you appreciate more when you don’t have work.

While you ordinarily complained how the hours in those days vanished before you could enjoy them, dawn has always been the exception. Your early mornings have always moved slower compared to the rest. It’s a slow, quiet whisper you value fully, especially now as you enjoy the sound of the waves as you walk your assorted mix of pets on the beach. You’re sure the two of you look like quite the pair with your seven dogs on their leashes and one of your two cats in a leashed harness.

Makima is a woman bathed in the light of dawn. 

You release a sigh of satisfaction, watching your girlfriend go ahead of you as your dogs stretch their legs.

It’s in how the morning rays dapple her form in near perfect circles. In the hues of her pale carmine hair that cascades across her bare skin. It’s even in the gold of her eyes, much like the yellow sun that peeks through the horizon.

It’s strange to think that this time two years ago, Makima had been a colleague you couldn’t stand to be around. Now you’ve willingly allowed a string of fate the exact shade as her hair to bind you both in the most irrevocable of ways.

“I won’t use my power on you, in exchange, we have to stay together forever. We’ll eat a lot together, sleep together, and live a happy life together.”

The contract of a lifetime ー marriage in its own right.

Gone are the days of patrols, weapons and putting your life on the line to ensure the safety of the general populace.

How peculiar this entire journey has been.

You will never pretend your reasons for joining the Bureau were pure of heart; you’d never dreamed of glory or protecting others.

For Makima, you’d gladly put your entire being on the line.

It goes against the nature of the Control Devil to have equal relationships.

Makima has one with you.

Moral ambiguities be damned. I believe in you. It’s a vow you know you will take to your grave as you watch your lover pause, wondering what has caught her excitable dogs’ eyes. Bagheera’s crooked tail tip twitches in interest, bounding forward with clumsy footsteps and you chuckle as you increase your pace so the cat can see it too. Tora, on the other hand, is comfortable in her backpack carrier. This is how mornings are done in your family. “What’s got the troublesome octet so excited?”

“They’ve found a crab,” her voice is amused and mellifluous. Crab sounds like a wonderful idea for dinner and you’re sure she has the same idea when you hear dulcet giggles slip from her person. Like a child, Makima turns to face you with her lips stretched into a delighted smile.

It’s then that carmine suddenly becomes jet and there’s a mole underneath her left eye that wasn’t there before.

Ah.

“[First], I want crab for dinner!” Nayuta beams brightly.

“Damn you have expensive taste,” you tease in spite of your stupor. Right. Those memories aren’t mine.

The dogs you walk remain but all but two of five of them are different from the seven you could have sworn were with you just a moment ago. Bagheera isn’t with you either, succumbing to his health issues years ago when you were still a child. All that remains of the cats you adopted is Tora, an old lady you left at home to snore on the couch with the Power’s new kitten.

“Have ‘em,” Himeno told you shortly after you moved in with her in the quiet town of Shonai. “They were yours anyway. Oh, but Meowy’s always been Power’s.”

The ringed eyes are the only part of Nayuta that is the same as the woman from your memories. The eyes and the braid you know she’ll twist her hair into later.

You wish the image of that woman would disappear.

Thankfully Nayuta is seemingly unaware of your dilemma. “I’ll get some in a few checks,” you promise and you receive an impish grin in return. You smile instinctively, your earlier troubles assuaged.

It’s a magic only Nayuta possesses.

The magic is disturbed when one of the dogs yelps in pain and Nayuta guffaws at the display of a small crab latched onto its nose.

You wonder if you had grown up surrounded by humans if you would find her reaction unsettling. As one raised among devils and fiends, however, Nayuta’s reaction is only standard even as she yanks the crab away with ease and tosses it into a returning wave. “That’ll teach you not to play with crabs,” Nayuta laughter subsides into chuckles as she pets the pup’s head.

You love the dawn.

How the wind runs its invisible fingers through Nayuta’s hair much like a musician strumming the strings of a harp.

How the light of the sun crests Nayuta’s head much like a halo although you’re sure the god of such beings will likely you spurn you for the comparison. How ironic that a devil is the closest comparison you have to the opposing pole.

When it’s like this, it’s easy to pretend you and Nayuta are the last ones on earth on this beach.

There are no devil hunters, no other humans and there are no other devils either.

You digress that the truth of your reality is fine, however.

You work 6 out of 7 days in a week at a local convenience store all the while Nayuta pursues a degree through online courses at Tohoku University. Himeno goes to the pub once or twice every other week to indulge in the non-alcoholic beverages her sister allows her to drink. Even Power somehow manages a steady job helping Ichika sell the vegetables she grows in the garden. A well-placed hat and even a Fiend can blend in to some extent.

Work is limited for a Fiend in hiding from the government.

Everything is limited when it’s the Control Devil remaining out of the government’s sight.

“Do you ever wish you could actually go on campus?”

“Not particularly.”

Nayuta’s never really been a people person though, so you suppose it truly doesn’t matter to her whether she can physically attend Tohoku or not. So you subsequently deduce that she likely won’t care that she’ll be limited to working remotely for the rest of her life either.

Nayuta fingers dug into the back of your shirt, body tense. Her abilities required she believe one was lesser than her for her to order them, that was impossible when you were both scared out of your wits cornered with nowhere to go.

The woman kept an eye on you both, weapon drawn in one hand, phone in the other. “I found the C-”

Unwittingly, your mind drifts back to the red-haired woman as you watch the loose strands of Nayuta’s hair dance in the wind. Makima.

You don’t know much about the previous incarnation of the Control Devil save for what tidbits you allowed Himeno and Kishibe to tell you. Himeno did her best to sugarcoat it but blunt as Kishibe was, you know for certain that Makima wasn’t the kindest individual.

“ー kept her on a tight leash when she was alive,” the drunkard raised his flask to his lips for the tenth time in the three minutes. Every fiber of your being burns with a hatred for a man that isn’t wholly your own at the comment. “But even with that leash, she was a ticking time bomb. So keep this one on a leash that’s even tighter. Otherwise, she’ll turn out like Makima again.”

Makima is Makima, Nayuta is Nayuta.

ー is ー, you’re you.

“Hey, Nayuta, pick a country,” you call for the one you love. The one you love. The proof is when she turns and Nayuta is all that remains. You don’t hate Makima. You don’t think it’s possible to hate any incarnation of the Control Devil. But Makima is who ー loved and their sun had long since fallen. “One that doesn’t have a devil hunting association in it.”

“Seychelles,” Nayuta doesn’t miss a beat, grinning the devilish grin you adore all the while. “We still need to have our honeymoon.”

A dirty sheet turned into a veil rests on jet black hair while you recited your on-the-fly vows.

“Yeah,” you chuff as you rest your hands in your pocket. “I owe you one, huh?”

A honeymoon and the whole wedding too.

ー

“What’s this new job of yours again?”

“I got a gig cashiering the next town over,” you pinch the green collar of your uniform as a physical display of your employment. 

Himeno’s one eye closes as she hums thoughtfully into her mug, “what about your job at the konbini?” Her smile is as plastered as wet cement.

“It doesn’t pay as much,” you shrug. It isn’t the first time Himeno has made some sort of stir about your sudden change in employment, it likely won’t be the last. “If I’m gonna get paid to kiss ass all day, I at least wanna get paid more than chump change.”

“You make chump change as a cashier no matter where you work,” you choose to ignore Himeno’s comment. When her sister’s sharp stare of disapproval lands on the former devil hunter, you know the conversation will be dropped for now. Thanks, Ichika.

Ichika smiles kindly, always a touch too gentle and understanding. It’s easy to appreciate the woman’s soft-hearted nature. “Well, I for one, am glad you have a pay raise even if it’s somewhere else,” the dark-haired woman tells you. “We both are,” her soft blue eyes dare her sister to disagree with her sentiments. Himeno is smart enough not to voice against them. Gentle as Ichika is, Himeno will always crumble at the threat of her anger. “What time will you be home? We should eat something special to celebrate!”

“Crab sound good this weekend?” At your suggestion, Nayuta perks with interest for the first time since breakfast began. You bump your knees together lightly. With what you’ll be making now, you can afford to buy her crab every night. “I can pick some up before I head back after my last shift of the week.”

On the other side of the table, Power is just as interested in the suggestion. “Crab,” the horned woman inquires with a fiendish grin. “Finally something worthy of my taste buds! Servant,” the Blood Fiend’s strawberry-colored locks whip around in her excitement. It’s only barely doused by the unamused look Himeno shoots in her direction. Barely. “Human,” an improvement. “Make a crab dish for us!”

Ichika takes Power’s demands in stride, “I think crab would be a nice treat. Don’t you?”

Matching blue gazes share a quiet conversation before Himeno relents with a tired smile, “I guess crab isn’t that bad an idea.”

Power guffaws with prideful glee as Nayuta’s expression twists into impish satisfaction. Her few-weeks-old dream of crab will finally be fulfilled. A peaceful glow washes over you as you take in the sight of her drinking miso soup from a finely polished bowl.

Himeno’s house is a far cry from the abandoned building you both once called home.

The wooden floor is clean, not dirtied from even filthier shoes and haphazardly drawn images made with sharp rocks used as chalk. In this house, you have three meals a day. The limit to what you can take is no longer reduced to only what you’re able to carry.

It’s a life you always dreamed you’d one day share.

Although admittedly you never accounted for the additional humanoid bodies living in it. 

“Well, I gotta get goin’,” you slurp the last of your black tea before wiping your lips with the back of your hand. “See you guys later,” you stack your dishes neatly atop one another, waving off Ichika’s attempt to take them from you. “See you later,” you tell Nayuta warmly, pressing your lips against hers for only a  moment to spare yourself from feeling one of Power’s dirty napkins hitting your shoulder. “Have a good day at school.”

“Call me for lunch,” to the untrained ear, it’s a demand. To one as experienced as yourself in the language of Nayuta, it’s a request.

It’s an uncannily peaceful morning for a household of humans, fiends and devils. One that religious zealots would lose their minds over. 

On an ordinary morning you yearn for the comfort of your and Nayuta’s bed and letting the hours roll by as you embark on your quest for work. This time, your stomach twists with discomfort as you hit the freeway.

It’s nearly an ordinary morning.

As you promptly pass the exit that actually would have led to the town next door, you know the last chance for ‘ordinary’ has sailed. The nearly three hours long drive it takes to get to Sendai is long enough for you to stew in your guilt. You park inconspicuously near the woodsy outskirts of the city, thumbs resting on the steering wheel.

It’s too late to turn back now, you remind yourself. I’m doing this for us.

Two adult passports.

Visas.

Housing.

Food.

Permanent Residency.

You’d never be able to save for it all with the chump change you’d been making at the local konbini. Nor would Nayuta ever be able to live a free life under the restrictions placed on you by those who took you in. There is no major country in the world Nayuta can be free in.

Nayuta had been a stranger, once upon a time. A stranger who never existed in your conscience and whose life you never perceived.

Then your eyes met and you experienced the birth of a universe.

You’ll gladly put your entire being on the line.

“Do you want to protect Nayuta?” Your grip tightens for a moment longer before finally reaching for the duffle bag you hid underneath the passenger seat.

“Well yeah, obviously.”

“Then follow two rules. Stay away from major cities and don’t join the Public Safety Devil Hunters.”

You’ve technically broken only one of Kishibe’s rules.

ー

Your parents used to take the first day of school very seriously.

It was always a momentous time when you went up a grade level. Photos were snapped constantly and after the first day ended successfully, there’d always be some sort of celebratory dinner. When you saw Ichika tearfully take in yours and Nayuta’s uniforms, you can tell things in this household were going to go the same way.

“The two of you are starting to become young women,” she smiled sappily, polaroid camera already in hand. “It feels like it was only yesterday you two came here and now you’re already going to school! You’re both so beautiful!”

Nayuta certainly was, you wanted to say. Her chin-length black hair now stretched to the upper middle of her back, framing her gold-colored eyes perfectly. But that would only make Ichika gush further about how you both were equally gorgeous like a proud mother.

You’d have thought you and Nayuta were infants when you were brought to this house with how Ichika coo’d and aww’d. Except the two of you were already thirteen when you’d come to the Nagano household and a year later, the school term had been going on for a few months. It had been unclear if you’d be starting high school or being held back. Donned in the dark brown uniform of Higashi Middle School, you knew the answer.

Even Power had on a uniform, refusing to be left out of the celebrations.

“That’s right, our little women,” Himeno laughed, holding an energy drink like it was a beer can. “Smile for the camera!”

You were able to turn the corners of your lips into a smile but, if anything, Nayuta’s scowl only deepened.

“Nayuta,” Himeno sighed in frustration. “I know you’re upset that you and [First] are in different classes but we’ve been through this. It’ll be good for you. Ichika,” she looked to her sister for support, blue eyes pleading. “back me up on this.”

Nagano Younger placed the camera down with an empathetic smile, “don’t you want to make friends?”

Ringed yellow eyes practically glowed as Nayuta sharply looked at the woman, “what do we need friends for? All [First] needs is me.”

The Nagano sisters shared a look that was a mixture of concern and exasperation. The primary debate of the weekend had finally reared its ugly head just before you were due to leave. Before either of them could say anything to placate their youngest ward, however, Power’s manic laughter filled the air. When she had her fill of amusement, she rubbed the bottom of her nose as her laughs faded into chuckles. “The Great Power was once this immature,” Once? “Nayuta!” She points a sharp nail in the direction of the only other non-human in the house. “Stop behaving like a child! You’re reflecting poorly on my teachings!”

“Bark like a dog.”

Power dropped on all fours and barked the moment the demand left Nayuta’s mouth. The actual dogs in the house went into an excited frenzy, barking alongside with her.

“What did I tell you about taking your powers out on people because you’re upset,” all hints of playfulness left Himeno’s body in favor of displeasure. “Nayuta,” she placed her energy drink on the table at the young devil’s silence. Ichika sighed quietly, placing her camera down before she quietly turned to the kitchen.

“The two of you need to learn how to interact with people. Outside of the house,” the former devil hunter took a glance at the barking fiend. When she sighed, you knew Himeno likely thought that even the interactions within the house needed some work. “Now hurry up and turn Power back.” Nayuta directed her gaze to the nearest window instead. “Nayuta, I’m not asking.”

“Just wait a moment,” Ichika’s lark-like voice rang from where she went about her business. Hurriedly, she arrived with two bowls of ice cream in hand. With her sharp sense of smell, it captured Nayuta’s attention immediately and she held out her hands expectantly. “Don’t you have something you need to do first, young lady?”

Nayuta blinked, seemingly confused as she followed her gaze to where Power crawled on the floor. In the blink of an eye, the barking stopped. “Thank you,” Ichika nodded in satisfaction before she finally handed you both a bowl each, winking at you knowingly.

Power returned to her feet, cheeks hot with anger but whatever she was going to say, she stopped in her tracks the moment you held the bowl of ice cream Ichika gave you directly under her nose. It only took a beat before the Blood Fiend grinned, lifting the bowl as if it’s her newest kill. “Gahahaha! I suppose I can accept your humble offerings,” you snorted quietly at the display. If anyone was the child in this house, it was her.

Himeno threaded her fingers through gray and navy blue hair with a whiny sigh, “everyone in this house wants me to age, Ichika. And we can’t just use ice cream to bribe her into behaving! Why does she get ice cream if I don’t get to keep beer!”

“Because your doctor said to either quit or be placed on a liver transplant list so you’d have a head start,” Himeno withered under her sister’s less-than-amused glare. “And I hope you savor that energy drink. Remember what we agreed on - one can per month.”

“And it’s always the smallest size possible,” Himeno grumbled, looking much like a child herself. If you hadn’t known who the older sister was, you would have assumed otherwise. “And low in sugar so it tastes absolutely disgusting.”

Ichika ignored the jab, knowing her sister would drink the disgusting low-sugar drink regardless. “Nayuta,” she began thoughtfully. “I know how important it was for you that you and [First] be in the same class. But there are going to be times when you have to interact with other people and we want you to be able to navigate those times with ease. There are going to be more opportunities for you both to be in the same class, we just want you to be okay with times where you aren’t.” When Ichika looked to you for assistance, Nayuta’s golden gaze turned to you as well.

We can socialize and be in the same class at the same time, can’t we? Truthfully, you hadn’t been thrilled with the class assignments either. It had been you against the world before you met Nayuta when you were left alone on the streets of Beijing. Not knowing what would happen to you with your parents gone, school didn’t seem all too important. You think you might have liked school, you truthfully can’t remember. You even had friends, good friends. You couldn’t seem to remember their faces either. Too much had happened to hold onto those memories.

The last time you’d been in school, you were seven.

It took a fair bit of home study for you and Nayuta to be ready for even middle school. If you had to go to school again, you wanted it to be by each other’s side. The school administration had different thoughts, it seemed. But underneath Ichika’s hopeful eyes, you couldn’t bring yourself to spurn her goodwill. You liked Ichika, she was kind. “If we’re in different classes, we can go on dates for lunch. And I can walk you to class each day, like in the movies.”

It’s only when she heard those words that Nayuta looked even remotely enthused about your separation.

“See?” Ichika’s smile widened in her appreciation.

“Alright,” Nayuta leaned against you, not entirely pleased but no longer entirely upset.

It was a solid victory as far as Ichika was concerned.

The rest of the morning went smoothly. Nayuta and Power indulged in their ice cream and when they were finished, Ichika indulged in getting her celebratory photo. Power held her peace sign while yours and Nayuta’s arms were linked tightly. Lunches packed and promises of an extravagant dinner made, the two of you finally left home hand in hand.

ー

“I know damn well that a Fish Devil costs more than that,” you scowl at your employer. “I didn’t drive over two hours to Sendai for you to stiff me on the price. I’ll take this to Yamaguchi if I have to.” That’s the problem with these underground devil hunting jobs. If someone wants to short change you, they will short change you. It’s been five months since you’ve begun your dealings with Nishida and the oaf never ceases trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

“Come on now, [Last],” the slimy businessman raises his hands as if placating a child. He looks more like a Pimp Named Slickback with his crinkled purple suit than someone who works in devil hunting. You suppose one working under the table can’t complain. “We’re old friends, aren’t we?”

“Tell me that when we’ve known each other for a decade,” you point your gloved finger against the desk two, three, four times. Each thudding strongly against the tabletop rattling the bloody axe you’ve placed on it. “550,000 yen. I don’t want even a decimal less.”

Nishida’s lips curl in dismay, “have I ever told you that you’re a real bitch to work with?”

You’ll continue to be one until you’ve gathered all you could, “acknowledgement from the queen of bitches is a real honor. I want my check.”

He rolls his eyes and calls you a few more choice swears under his breath, but he finally complies in writing a check with the correct amount. If you had been anyone else, perhaps Nishida could have paid you the 230,000 yen without issue. Perhaps you’d have even considered that a steal. Your training under Kishibe and Himeno taught you more about pricing devils than you were prepared to admit.

What are the ethics to killing devils when you are dating one?

You decide to follow the devil code of ethics. Kill or be killed, it’s that simple.

It’s never been a question if Nayuta would spurn you for such acts if she were to ever learn of them. It’s the fact you know Nayuta would follow you to Sendai in a heartbeat.

“I found the C-”

You will never bring those unfinished words to reality.

Carefully you remove the gloves on your hands to even more carefully extract your wallet from the ziplock bag you keep it in, placing your check within its pockets. Then you tuck it all away once more before donning a clean pair of gloves instead.

“Ugh, I’m getting hot just looking at you,” Nishida groans, eying you as if you were equal parts insane and excessive. You wonder if he’ll ever get used to the lengths you go to make sure no trace of blood and the smells of other devils touch your person. You don’t even put your axe in the car, it hasn’t been there since it had been a new purchase. No, you keep the rusting thing right here in Nishida’s crappy building in Sendai’s slums.

Trying to hide something from Nayuta’s nose is like trying to rob a bank blindfolded. “I told you already, I don’t want the blood getting on me. Killing devils is gross,” you wave the man off. Five months you’ve been doing this and you haven’t slipped up yet. Your ritual is the same each time ー before you start hunting, you dress in what is practically a glorified hazmat suit. Once work is done, you take it all off with gloves covering your hands and dump it in the trash.”

“It just seems like a lot of hassle,” Nishida scratches the back of his head, nonplussed. “If this ever gets in the way of your job, don’t come crying to me.”

“This coming from the man who doesn’t do the hunting himself is crazy,” you click your tongue in unsurprised annoyance. If it means keeping your proclivities a secret from the house, you’ll wear the hazmats again and again. “I’m not coming in tomorrow, I have a date with my girlfriend. Something you know nothing about. Well, you did. Until about a month ago, right?”

The look on Nishida’s face almost makes you feel better about his attempt to scam you. Almost. “Just go home before I decide to take my offers of employment elsewhere!”

You chortle with pleasure as you finally exit his dusty office.

When you arrive home, the wind must have blown your scent through the door or a cracked window because you walk into Makima’s arms the moment you pass through the door. “Welcome home, [First],” Makima greets you adoringly, red tresses brushing against your jaw. Her arms are as warm as her voice, wrapped around you as loose as one called the Control Devil will allow.

It’s instinctive, how quickly you return the embrace. “That professor finally off your ass?” Strange. Since when has Makima been a student?

Nayuta pulls away from you slightly, just enough to look you in the eye as you converse. Nayuta is the student, you remember. Business management is what she studies. “I don’t know why he-” Nayuta blinks as she takes all of your visuals in. “[First], what’s wrong?”

Your smile falters, “it’s nothing, I’m just tired.” Tired of the memories that don’t belong to you. “Management just really loves working their best employee.” You’re happy tonight is Himeno and Ichika’s pub night where they never drink alcohol but do engage in the card games with the locals. Himeno’s been trying to catch in the midst of a lie you’re sure no one can detect. 

“Want me to talk to them then?” Nayuta is too quick to offer her services. I’m earning more than enough now. “I’ll get you a manager’s salary too.”

“Nah,” you shake your head. “I just want it to be tomorrow for our date already.” You’ll be dying silk scarves in town and then you’ll head to a restaurant. If it weren’t for the restrictive life forced upon you by the world you live in, maybe the two of you would live somewhere more exciting. Somewhere with more than enough novelties for you to gawk at in awe.

Nayuta snorts at your dramatic lament, “you’re so cheesy.”

“You’re the cheesy one,” you blow a raspberry against the juncture between her jaw and neck and Nayuta squeals immediately.

“Gahahaha!” Nayuta ducks away and you giggle in return. She’s always been a bit ticklish, you’re simply the one lucky enough to do so without repercussions.

“I know ways to make tomorrow come much faster,” Power’s snark cuts through your flirting like a dull knife. The Blood Fiend rarely ever sits still unless it is mealtime or she is watching something thrilling enough. The evening news normally is usually not something that makes Power lay down in the middle of the living room floor on a throw pillow yet here she is. “Being stricken with blunt force guarantees many hours to pass you unknowingly.’

You raise an eyebrow at Power’s unwarranted attitude, “what’s got you in such a shitty mood?” 

“They mentioned the Chainsaw Devil on the news earlier,” Nayuta recounts as if telling you the weather report. She looks over her shoulder at where Power lays coolly. “It’s the anniversary of when the Bomb and Chainsaw Devils showed up in Tokyo.” Right, I forgot. They only showed up once however many years ago and still the news would cover it like it could happen again at any moment. You secretly believe Hayakawa Power hopes for the same. You never met Hayakawa Denji, you only heard the stories. He sounded like an even bigger handful than Power.

Power is all that remains from everyone who once claimed the Hayakawa name as their own.

“Don’t mention that name in front of me!” Power snarls without looking in your direction. She doesn’t move to change the channel regardless.

“Pitiful,” Nayuta comments but her grip around you tightens in spite of it as she rests her ear against your chest.

Pitiful.

You open one too many bags of popcorn while Nayuta puts on one of the Inazuma Eleven DVDs Power got on her birthday last year. The five dogs excitedly run around the house to the sound of Power obnoxiously singing "Stand up! Stand up! We love football!” Tora is content to rest on your lap and Meowy the Second takes off with her second popcorn kernel.

To wait this long for someone who ran away and never looked back is pitiful.

A Power who isn’t living up to her proudly chosen name is even more so.

You breathe in the scent of Nayuta’s shampoo as she rests her head on your shoulder. It really is too damn pitiful.

ー

“You ever wonder why there are devils but no angels?”

One of Nayuta’s classmates’ words piqued your interest from the other side of the room. Nayuta’s eyes followed yours in vague interest at the students piled in the corner. The only one you personally recognized was Yamada Moe, your class’ president. True to your word, you were on a date for lunch.

As much of a date it could be at school, anyway.

Everyday the lunch hour reared its delicious head, you’d make your way to Nayuta’s class to eat with her. “I mean, think about it. If devils are physical manifestations of the things we fear, why are there no physical manifestations of the things we love? Like, there are plenty of people who love snakes. So why’s there no Snake Angel?”

“A Chicken Angel would be pretty damn powerful then,” a different girl, likely the class clown, chirped. “But would angels be biblically accurate?” Her eyebrows move mischievously at her suggestions.

“Don’t say that,” Moe covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled. Her deep dark brown hair, the color of charred wood, is pulled back into a ponytail and her green eyes sparkled at the thought. “I’d love to see a Hamster Angel then.”

“Or even a Mermaid Angel! That would be so pretty!”

“Mermaids aren’t real, Rika.”

“Neither are zombies but there’s still a Zombie Devil,” ‘Rika’ sputtered in her defense, cheeks pink. “Everyone’s afraid of zombies and everyone loves mermaids, so both would exist by that logic!”

You considered their words with a silent hum. Himeno said she met an Angel Devil once, I think. I wonder how strong he is.

“ー and Makima had promised me to protect him if anything ever came out about him but, well,” Himeno trailed off before vaguely gesturing towards you. You remembered the discomfort of it even as the woman brushed it off with a warm palm placed on your head. “It’s fine though. Kishibe’s given me no updates concerning him and in our business, that’s a good thing. That twerp is doing just fine.”

If an Angel Devil is the manifestation of humanity’s fear of angels, you wondered what a Devil Angel would be like.

“Rika, Tomoko,” Nayuta placed her chopsticks atop her empty lunch box before resting her cheek on her hand. “Give me your desserts,” she yawned. Beneath the table, her legs twined with yours.

“Sure thing, Nayuta,” Rika beamed, holding up a pudding cup enthusiastically.

Tomoko nodded, looking relieved, “my mom packed me too many things anyway.”

Moe glowered in your direction.

It was almost reminiscent of the times you were both street urchins and Nayuta used her powers to ensure you’d be able to eat that day. The only difference is, as Tomoko and Rika walk the moderate distance to your half of the room, that you no longer are that desperate to eat. Nayuta smiled when she saw, among their treats, was an anpan roll with roasted black sesame seeds. Sweets were the secret to this young girl’s heart, all hints of disinterest washed away. Cute. “It’s one of your favorites, [First],” enthusiastically she opened the packaging before raising it to your lips. “Does it taste good?”

You relished the mixture of bread, sesame and adzuki beans on your tongue, “yeah, this is pretty nice.” You looked over at the unsuspecting girls who are too happy to help. Too happy and unaware of the reality of the situation. “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem,” Rika brushed off your gratitude with a dispassionate wave of her hand. “What kind of angels would you guys be excited to see? Mermaid Angels would be pretty cool, right?”

You shrugged, not wanting to reveal your inherent bias, “I can’t really imagine what an angel would be like. We’ve never seen one.” 

“I just think if we had angels, they would be the ones fighting devils,” Tomoko sighed wistfully, light years away from where you were gathered in class 3-C. “Love is the strongest thing in the world, right?”

“The power of love is cheesy,” Nayuta scoffed.

The three of you ー Tomoko, Rika and yourself ー shared a look of varying degrees of disbelief.

“Since you find it so cheesy, maybe you can finally stop blocking the halls when you makeout and cuddle in the hallway,” Moe rolled her eyes from where she still sat, nose scrunched in equal measures of disgust. Her eyes held your own with a look of annoyance and you couldn’t hold back a snort.

“We are pretty annoying, huh,” you snickered, winking at how Nayuta was still holding the pastry near your lips. Laughter of agreement followed your admission from those sprinkled across the room save for two individuals. If Nayuta had been someone else, perhaps she would have withered under the scathing eyes of class 3-A’s president. Because she wasn’t someone else, though, she met the glare with her own. “Even the Love Devil would hate us,” you bit into the roll once again, stealing Nayuta’s attention.

“The Love Devil is probably ugly anyway,” Nayuta replied with a petulant smirk.

Lunch continued without further hiccups, much to your relief. The desserts were eaten and the desks were back in place and it was time for you to head back to class. Nayuta still wasn’t entirely pleased at your class assignments, but she got better about it the following months. The ‘dates’ and walks had kept her placated.

“Thanks for that, [First],” Himeno sighed gratefully when Nayuta was in the bath after your celebratory dinner. “When are kids supposed to stop having temper tantrums? We really don’t need her having one at school. You have to be her anchor.”

You’d have done that even if Himeno didn’t want it. “I’ll pick you up after class,” you told Nayuta unnecessarily but you knew she liked the reassurance. You’d always come back for her even if there was distance standing in the way of that.

“You can make out with Nagano later,” Moe scoffed as she walked past you to room 3-A.

Nayuta glared over your shoulder at the brunette, “she’s ugly.”

“I do gotta get to class though,” you sighed heavily, throwing an arm over Nayuta’s shoulder. She returned the gesture with both arms thrown around you. “My adoring fans in 3-A await me.”

“You don’t need your adoring fans when you have me,” Nayuta hugged you tighter and you don’t find yourself disagreeing.

You tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, “that’s pretty true. Those guys mean nothing. You’re my number one.” Gold eyes looked at you like you were a dream before you had to turn around.

“Why do you even like her?” Moe scoffed as you caught up lazily. “She’s awful.”

“She’s cute,” your lips curled at the waves of irritation directed at you further. 

Moe’s expression contorted into one of disgust at your answer, storming ahead of you. “People like you disgust me. You’re bullies.” We still sit next to each other so you’re not really doing anything, you know. Knowing it would be pointless telling the girl that, you looked over your shoulder to wave at Nayuta one last time before ducking into class. 

“At least pretend to pay attention,” a quiet whisper from your right caught your attention. You shrugged, unbothered. You’ve withstood more terrifying things. Whatever you failed to do, that only seemed to upset the class president even further. “Follow along with the text before the teacher calls on you.”

“I forgot my textbook,” you whispered back, directing your eyes forward.

“You didn’t think to ask someone to look at theirs?” Moe asked incredulously.

You thumbed in the direction of the empty desk to your left. Kinomiya wasn’t there to mooch off of that day. “And it isn’t like you like me, or anything. I’ll just get the notes from someone else.”

“Unlike you, I’m a good person,” Moe muttered, raising her desk just enough that it wouldn’t make a sound as she pressed it against yours. “I’d have shared if you asked.”

“There are no good or bad people, just good or bad actions,” you countered her belief with one of your own. There aren’t even any devils that are purely bad. They only become bad to you because they killed someone you care about. Or because they destroyed something you considered precious. But if there was a devil that killed other devils and rescued people, you’d say they were good.

This philosophy could be applied even to angels.

Angels would only be considered good if they did help humanity fight against devils. If there were angels in an unseen place known as Heaven, they definitely didn’t feel called to fight against the apparent wicked. They didn’t feel called to defend the apparent helpless humans of Earth. And by that definition, that would make them bad creatures. Angels would be bad to you. “And if you have to say you’re a good person, you’re probably not as good as you think you are.” Moe gasped, brow furrowed in her offense as you leaned closer to read the page. “Thanks.”

She couldn’t have made it more apparent how much she hated you with how quickly she separated her desk from yours at the end of the day. You shrugged, not particularly bothered by the reaction.

Some people never meshed with each other and that was that.

Moe hated you and you were indifferent to her existence.

You initially believed Nayuta’s thoughts were the same as yours until she started wiping your arm as if it were filthy after school.

“You stink,” Nayuta’s nose scrunched in obvious displeasure, rubbing your arm as if she could scrub the smell of Yamada Moe away. Even now you were in awe of how strong her sense of smell was; Moe hadn’t even been wearing perfume. “Why do you smell like her?” If she meant to be intimidating in her glare, she failed before she could even try. Her furrowed brow was more cute than nerve racking. 

“I forgot my textbook so we had to share,” you recalled the glares and looks of dismay. “She was not happy about it. I think Bags was lying on it so I didn’t see it when we were leaving.” You’d simply remember to check your book bag more thoroughly tomorrow morning. When you were a sizable distance from campus, you recalled the earlier discussion from lunch. “What did you think about all that angel talk at lunch today?”

“That humans are dumb,” as if realizing how that sounded, Nayuta pressed against you as you walked down the path apologetically. “99% of them.”

“You can say it, a lot of humans are dumb,” hands still woven together, you side step away just long enough to playfully tug Nayuta against. Power’s characteristic ‘gahahaha’s slip from Nayuta’s lips again, you aren’t sure when she started unconsciously mimicking her. It’s cute though. “Angels are just angels, even if they did exist. And it wouldn’t be like there’s a guarantee they’d want to just help humans either.”

“That’s because humans are arrogant,” Nayuta didn’t hold back her criticism with her concerns of offending you assuaged. “And they want to control the nature of everything. Fish swim, plants photosynthesize. Hurting is fine for devils.” 

You chuckled at her choice of words, “I’d be the Pride Devil.” You took ownership of the inherent arrogance you possessed as a human of this good year. 

“You’d be the [First] Devil,” Nayuta argued head tossed back joyously at the thought, giggling all the while.

“I don’t think enough people hate me for that to happen,” you chortled as you swung your hands back and forth. “Class Prez might, though. Maybe I should watch out. What if a [First] Devil does show up, am I gonna be replaced?”

Nayuta snorted affectionately, gold eyes bright like the sun, “you’re so dumb.”

A peaceful silence fell over you both and you released a satisfied breath. You wanted moments like this to last forever. “One day,” you looked at the orange-red sky above. “I’m gonna get old. At least, if I don’t die before then. But whatever ends up happening, we’re gonna be different,” you promised before Nayuta could protest what you’d begun to announce. “We’re not like them.”

ー and Makima’s time was too short; you’d heard that enough times since living with the Naganos.

That wasn’t going to be you and Nayuta.

“We’re not gonna be like them,” you promised, squeezing her hand tightly. “We’re gonna live forever.”

ー　

When was it when the image of Makima began to haunt you like a ghost?

You remember now, it had been in October of your first and last year of middle school when Nayuta finally started braiding her hair. You’d been fine that morning up until she came to the kitchen and you dropped the jar of pickled radishes, quietly sobbing until you caught a fever.

“Do you hate my hair being like this?” Nayuta asked in the quiet of the room you shared. It’s large and spacious, fit for three people. You never understood why the third bed in the room was kept when Nayuta never slept in any bed that wasn’t your own. The dogs and cats got a kick out of it, at the very least. So did Power who was shuffling about in the kitchen, banging pots and pans.

“I think it’s pretty. You’re pretty no matter how you do your hair.”

“I found a picture of the old me in Himeno’s room. The old us. She had her hair like this in all of Himeno’s memories too.”

“You used your powers on Himeno?”

“When she took a nap the other day. I wanted,” Nayuta trailed off, arms wrapped around her knees and eyes downcast. You were too hot to cuddle but she sat on the floor by your side anyway. “I wanted to know what the old me was like. Himeno didn’t like her very much. She liked the old you better. She liked that Aki person more though.”

Power’s Aki, you recalled from the photos  in a photo album Ichika made for Power’s birthday. “Himeno likes you though. I told you before, we’re not ー and Makima. It doesn’t matter if she didn’t like her.” Maybe Himeno had a thing against redheads.

“She thinks it sometimes. I can tell.”

I know.

“The old man said I was selfish when he met us.”

“I like that you’re selfish. We both get to be selfish at this point. Do you know how long we were in that dump?” You shared a laugh at the memory of the dump in question. The mattress was old as sin, rock hard and the blankets you owned couldn’t keep crickets out let alone the cold. “I miss robbing that one guy with the dolphin apron. He made the best dumplings. Wish we could have found the secret formula so we could still make them.”

“Humans can be dumb but the food is really good,” Nayuta’s lips turned upright.

You shift a bit so you can lay on your side, facing her more clearly, “do you remember what it was like in Hell?”

Nayuta shook her head, braid dancing to the motion. “Only little bits and pieces, but it’s blurry,” she disclosed, words soft. “I only remember wanting to leave soon.”

“When I was a kid, I always thought I was missing something,” you hold out your hand and Nayuta’s fingers slip into your own. You never knew another hand could be this warm, not even when your parents were alive. You don’t think you’d truly been warm until you met the girl who changed everything. You wanted to hold onto this life; hold it for as long as you could. You disavowed that there’d be a day you’d stop being you and Nayuta stopped being Nayuta and the new versions of you would run into the dawn hand in hand. You and Nayuta would live forever. “I’m really happy that I found you.”

Any sentimentality in the room was immediately blown away by the sound of Power kicking open the door.

“We have a doorknob, Power,” you groaned. Then you caught a whiff of the smell of broth, chicken and vegetables and raised yourself into a sitting position. Taking note of your realization, the strawberry-haired fiend puffed out her chest proudly as she presented the tray to you. The bowl was filled to the brim with soup, sloshing over the lip as she stepped forward and the crackers were worse for wear because of it. “You cooked?”

“Homemade! Straight from the can!” Power placed the tray on your lap, hands resting on her hips. “You humans are fragile creatures, so I decided to grant you my assistance.”

You had to purse your lips together to prevent yourself from laughing. “You know what, thanks, Power,” you let the fiend have her moment. Her homemade straight-from-the-can soup smelled pretty damn good.

ー

“Ichika, are you dating anyone?”

“What brought that on so suddenly?”

You shrug from where you sit at the kitchen table. “Because you never go anywhere unless it’s the farmer’s market,” you point out deftly. Work and home, that’s all either Nagano sister seems to have time for, save for the occasional pub night. No one in this house has much of a social life when you ponder it for more than two seconds. “We were kids before but it’s not like you don’t have a life now.” 

“You’re all still kids to me,” Ichika’s laugh is light and playful, like she’s daring you to protest otherwise.

“Power might be,” you lean back in your chair with a quiet snort. “She’s always been a handful.”

It’s rare for the house to be this quiet between the dogs and Power. The former are on a walk with Nayuta and the latter tagged along with Himeno to the market. Power has a child-like nature you doubt will ever fade. If something happens to Ichika and Himeno, what’s going to happen to Power?

“I recall all three of you being handfuls,” Ichika continues washing away at a plate with a laugh. “I’m not sure how you remember it but you and Nayuta had your moments too.” You remember your last first day of middle school and how Nayuta turned Power into a dog. You can recall many instances of Power falling prey to Nayuta’s power, truthfully. Himeno hated it. “Well, you had the least amount of tantrums, so I suppose I can give you that.”

You snort, lips curling in amusement, “name one tantrum I had.”

“I distinctly recall the time you were upset Himeno ate your leftovers.”

“That was different,” you cross your arms resolutely. “I counted everything I had left and put the numbers on the box!” If Power has a child-like nature, Himeno is a permanent child at heart. “I told her if she wanted something, to let me know. But she didn’t! She just wanted to mooch off my plate!” How many times has she put me through this? She hasn’t changed since I quit working at the Bureau.

“Himeno, I’m getting something to eat. What do you want?”

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry.”

“Himeno,” you eyed the woman with your lips pressed together and eyes narrowed. “I’m getting something to eat. What. Do you want?”

“Nothing, ー, geez! I’m not even hungry!”

“Liar, because I know damn well the moment I get back you’re going to want whatever I’m having! You know what, at this point, get your ass up. We’re leaving.”

“Wow,” Himeno held a hand against her chest, mockingly crushed. “This is how little you trust your best friend? I thought we had something special.”

“I trust you as much as I trust Nanaka not to poison me the first chance she gets,” you’d only been working for Japan’s Public Safety Devil Hunters for a month and the brunette still hated you. Apparently the transgressions of being assigned the partner of her beloved Makima was too heavy a crime. “I think I saw a new Italian place open up by the convenience store ran by that Brazilian couple I told you about.”

“Are you alright, dear?” You rub your forehead as if the motion will chase away ー’s memories with a vengeance.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I never worked at the Bureau, you remind yourself. And I don’t want to. I’m no hero. That was ー’s desire. You only desire that which is most simple. “But you never answered my question. We’re not kids anymore.”

Ichika sets aside her wet rubber gloves on the drying rack, wiping the remnants of moisture onto her apron. “You don’t have to worry about me, [First]. I’ve never been the social butterfly, my sister’s always been the brave one.” You wonder what memories Ichika recalls as she takes a seat in her usual spot across the table. “That’s why she became a devil hunter. But even when we were in school, she got along with everybody.”

“You said you were in the tea ceremony club, right?”

She perks up in pleasant surprise, “that’s right! I’m surprised you remember!” The summer before you started high school, Ichika pulled out their old yearbooks from when they were students. “It feels like just yesterday both of you were in high school.”

“It basically was just yesterday.” It hadn’t been long at all since graduation and your classmates flocked out of Shonai to various major cities across the country. Everyone but the two of you. “High school was… better than middle school.”

“That it was,” you know from the slight frown on Ichika’s face she is remembering exactly how much of a mess your time at Higashi Middle School had been. So much so you transferred to Kitahoro Middle halfway through attendance. “It was hard for the two of you.”

ー

“[Last]?” A voice that twinkles like a bell calls for you. “[Full name] is that you?”

It’s a little past lunch that Saturday afternoon and the day is sleepy for both humans and devils. You hadn’t seen so much as even a trace of devil activity, deciding to have an early lunch after tossing your weapon of choice underneath a dumpster in a back alley.

You turn around at the sound of your name, fearful it is Himeno who has found you.

Thankfully, this person is Himeno’s opposite in every way.

Their eyes are green instead of blue and their hair is a dark brown instead of navy.

I know this person.

“Oh, Class Prez,” you blink in realization. Yamada Moe, in the flesh. “It’s been a while.”

ー

On a school day like any other it announced that Kiritani Tomoko had been killed by a devil. Rare as that was in a small town like Shonai, everyone had been shaken up. 

“How ironic,” you heard the whispers from the adults around you. “It was the Rooster Devil. How ironic when her family raises chickens. Even here in Shonai, devils are everywhere.”

Adults who in the same breath greet Power and Nayuta with warmth whenever they are seen walking down the street.

Hypocrites.

Tomoko’s death is unfortunate but you won’t pretend it was something that impacted you personally. To the president of 3-A, Yamada Moe, it was an unforgivable blow. You didn’t see her during lunch in 3-C, nor did she come back from lunch despite leaving her bookbag and pen on her desk.

“Rika’s not here, either,” Nayuta told you when you pointed out the empty desk.

You aren’t saddened by the death of Kiritani Tomoko but you know of a death you couldn’t recover from.

So you don’t fight it when your teacher tells you to find where Moe has slipped away to and you don’t drag her back from the ponytail when you find her crying on the rooftop either. “Hey,” you closed the door behind you.

“Just go away,” Moe shuddered, holding herself tighter. “Why are you even here?”

“Hori-sensei wanted me to come find you.”

Moe raises her head with hot anger, eyes red and weary, “like you suddenly care about being a good student.”

“I told you before, didn’t I?” You plopped on the ground in spite of Moe’s protests, hands resting on your lap. The autumn wind is comforting against your skin and the rolling clouds are fluffy. An unsuspecting day to learn someone from school died. “I don’t believe in good or bad people. People just do good or bad things. But I get it,” you shrugged lackadaisically. “Nayuta does a lot of bad things. It isn’t like I’m a saint either, we’ve done plenty of bad. If that makes us bad people to you, that’s fine. But I get what it’s like to lose people too.

“My parents were good ones. But some asshole hit them with their car when I was seven and I was stuck on my own until I was thirteen,” what would have happened to you next if you had left things to the authorities around you? You’re unsure. At seven years old, running away seemed like the best option at the time. No princes would be coming to save you so you became your own prince. “Devils. Cops. Figuring out what to eat. The other people out on the streets could be the worst too. I got into a lot of fights back then.” All to lie in a building the government had yet to demolish. “I thought the world ended. Or at least my place in it had. If I never met Nayuta, I’m not sure how much longer I could have kept going like that.”

Spotting movement to your left, you looked to Moe and your eyes caught one another.

Red as her eyes were, they were wide at your confession with her mouth slightly ajar. “It’s corny but when she’s here, I feel like I can do anything.” Survive on the streets for months or even fight devil hunters that were planning to kill you before you could blink. “So she gets to do awful things. Nayuta can do the most awful things in the world. She’s perfect.” She’d been perfect the moment you met her. “So I can’t say much about being sad about Tomoko, because I didn’t know her like that. But I know how it feels to lose someone and I know what it’s like to be terrified it’ll happen again. So for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about your friend.”

“Sorry,” Moe murmured. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, you’re the one upset.”

…

“Aren’t you supposed to make me go back to class?”

“I’ll just tell Teach I got lost or something,” you yawned. “It’s none of his business.”

“You’re actually a good person, aren’t you?” Moe sniffled, resting her forehead against her knees. “You just pretend to be mean.”

“Good people don’t exist,” you sang, watching the clouds roll by. “Now mean, that I can be.”

“Now you’re being stubborn,” Moe muttered under her breath, sniffing again. “You’re good. It’s just being with Nagano Nayuta makes you act like a jerk.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to like her,” you close your eyes with a light smile. “The less people realizing all her positive sides, the more Nayuta there is for me.”

“I don’t know how you stomach being around her,” you shrugged. “She’s like poison. The two of you together doesn’t feel right. She doesn’t feel right.

You open one eye, “what do you mean?”

“It’s just a feeling I get,” Moe explained vaguely, twisting her hands together anxiously.

.

“Nayuta, don’t use your powers at school for a while.”

“Why not?”

“I found the C-” “Yamada thinks there’s something off about you and everyone else is still on edge about that last devil attack. So it’ll be better to lay low until everything calms down.”

“Who’s that?”

“My class’ president. You know her, you think she’s ugly.”

“… Do you like her?”

“She’s alright, I guess. She’s just a classmate.”

“What about me?”

“You’re everything.”

Nayuta leapt onto your back in her satisfaction, legs wrapped tightly around your waist. “I’ll leave the humans at school alone then.”

“Don’t use them no matter what, alright? We can just get extra snacks on the way home from school or something.”

“I won’t.”

ー

“You cut your hair, it looks good!”

“Thanks,” Moe plays with a lock of curly hair, boyishly short. It suits her rather nicely. You look freer. “It’s surprising seeing you here. What are you…?” She glances quickly at the hazmat-style onesie you’ve dressed yourself in, plastic visor raised above your head.

“Got a janitorial job and I’m taking no chances,” you lean against the cold bench lazily. “I never mocked a janitor before but I damn sure am never going to now. Those guys are the unsung heroes of our society.”

“Janitori-” Moe snorts in her shock, looking like you’ve grown two heads. “I always figured you’d become a philosophy teacher considering how you were back in middle school”

“Nayuta’s signed up for classes but I’m taking a couple years off to save,” what you plan on majoring in when the time comes is unknown even to you. Perhaps Moe is onto something with philosophy. “We can’t mooch off our benefactors forever.” What’s going to happen to Power if anything happens to Himeno and Ichika, you find yourself pondering once again. A third passport shouldn’t be that hard to forge. Kishibe got me and Nayuta into the country without any problem, didn’t he?

“Oh, where is she going?”

“She’s at Tohoku too,” you nod at the Tohoku University tote bag resting on Moe’s hip. “She’s doing everything virtually. Business Management major.”

There’s little surprise on Moe’s part when she hears that, “Business Management sounds like something that suits her.”

“She is pretty bossy, I can give you that,” you huff with an airy sigh. Management is something Nayuta will definitely thrive in. “She’s a damn good student though. What about you? What have you been up to? Majoring in law?”

“Philosophy, actually!” She laughs at how your eyebrows raise. “Surprising?”

“A little,” you nod and Moe rolls her eyes in playful exasperation. “But with all the arguments we had, philosophy or law honestly made the most sense. So I wasn’t that far off.”

“Those weren’t arguments, those were debates,” Moe corrects you needlessly, arms behind her back. It’s almost like all the tension left her when she cut her hair.

“You’ve mellowed out, Prez,” you whistle, impressed.

A younger Moe would have asked what you meant with a furrowed brow. The Moe of the present day accepts your words with a hearty laugh. “I was a bit high strung back then,” she lets out a nostalgic sigh. “Maybe more than a bit,” she admits sheepishly. “But middle school really feels so long ago. I guess I changed without noticing.”

“Sorry about middle school,” your lips curl into a grimace. “The stuff with Nayuta I mean.”

Moe’s eyebrows knit together with an empathetic curl of her lips, “it’s okay, I get it now. You were under a lot of stress back then.”

“How’s Rika doing?” You vaguely remember that girl who Nayuta would pawn snacks off of. “She going to Tohoku too?”

“Oh,” Moe shuffles nervously.

“What, did she drop out or something?”

“No, um, she never went to university,” Moe fiddles with a bracelet on her left wrist.

You raise an eyebrow at the odd behavior, “is she… dead?”

“No!” Moe answers quickly and you cock your head to the side, shrugging your shoulders. Okay then what is she then? “It’s just that she… became a devil hunter after we graduated.”

“Okay,” Good luck then, Rika. If you’re in Tokyo maybe Kishibe’ll be the one in charge of your training. As much as you hate the man, everything he’s taught you has kept you alive so far. You see green staring at you. “What?”

“I’m just surprised that you took that so well,” Moe breathes in disbelief. “Considering everything with Nayuta, I was afraid to bring devil hunters up in front of you.”

Your blood runs cold. “What do you mean ‘considering everything with Nayuta’?”

“Did-” Moe blinks once before she covers her mouth in horror. “Did you not know? I’m- I’m so sorry-”

“I found the C-”

.

“How did you know Nayuta wasn’t human? When did you figure it out?”

“When… that time back in middle school. She didn’t look human to me and when you went to her I just thought… in that moment Nayuta being a devil is why you were always so protective of her,” Moe’s head looks around the alley you’ve brought her too cautiously. It’s deep, deep within the darkest crevices of Sendai. “Where are we? Why are we here?”

You look at Moe and then the dumpster beside you, “I have to tell you the truth about something.” Your thumb brushes against your middle and index fingers for a moment. “I’m not really a janitor. I’ve been killing devils for the past seven months now. It’s underground work though.” You tell Moe this news as one might tell their friend they decided to plant tulips in their garden, reaching for where you slid your axe underneath the grimy trash heap.

“Devils?”

“Yeah.”

Moe looks at your rusty blade, caked in the blood from those you’ve killed thus far. “… But Nayuta,” she is unable to bring herself to say the rest.

You laugh, leaning against the wall for half a second before deciding you can’t stand the feel of it against your back. Nor do you wish to feel the eyes of Moe upon you. “Yeah, it’s sick isn’t it? She’s a devil but I’ve been out here for the past seven months killing ‘em. But Nayuta,” black hair and red rings fill your memories. “she means everything to me; I was alone for years until I met her. I have never cared that she was a devil. She was perfect, she’s still perfect. If anything ever happened to her, it would feel like the entire world was ending. I used to be a cashier, you know, but try making enough money to sneak a devil out of the country at your local 7-11,” you laugh humorously. “And I know you’ve never liked Nayuta but for me, Nayuta is everything. So please… please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t, [First]!” A foot steps towards you, voice full of emotion. “I didn’t like Nayuta before but I get it now! There are good devils out there and I’m going to prove it. That’s why I’m studying philosophy! If humans and devils can understand each other, we wouldn’t have to kill each other anymore!”

“She means everything to me,” your fingers dig into your palms as you repeat yourself weakly. She’s the best thing you knew you needed in a world that had nearly beaten you down for good. The one you would find repeatedly no matter the time and distance that separated you. “What am I doing? Killing devils for money like this when I know…” your shoulders sag. “But I can’t do anything else for her. I can’t earn money fast enough otherwise and I don’t have time to wait. I’m sure… this makes me a bad person, doesn’t it?”

“You are not a bad person,” Moe’s hand is warm on your back even through the layers you wear to keep yourself from being bloodied. “It’s not you that’s wrong, it’s the world itself. If enough people just realized that, things would be better.” A world where humanity and devils lived together in harmony? It seems like an impossible dream; perhaps it is one not within reach. Not within the lifetime you currently possess. And that’s okay, I’ll make my own happiness even with that fact. “You’re just trying to do what you can for the one you love in a shitty situation. Nayuta would understand that. So… so don’t beat yourself up about this. I never told anyone about Nayuta and I’m never going to.”

There was nothing familiar about her black hair, nor the mole under her left eye. You were sure you couldn’t say you’d ever met anyone with golden eyes with red rings in them either. There was no reason to feel like your senses had been set ablaze and the universe shifted.

You didn’t know this girl.

This girl was a stranger.

You knew this and yet you still fell to your knees as warm tears flooded your eyes without your permission.

You breathe.

“By the way,” you yawned, as it dawned on you that you never once asked for your new companion’s name. “what’s your name?” 

When there was no immediate response, you thought the girl fell asleep. “Nayuta,” you finally heard the feathery light reply. Nayuta pressed herself closely to your chest, listening to your heartbeat.

“I’m [First],” you squeezed.

Nayuta squeezed back.

You breathe.

“I didn’t, [First], please believe me! Don’t leave me!”

You slide down your visor.

“We can get married for real when we grow up,” you vowed once more as you clumsily led each other in your dance.

Nayuta’s smile was saccharin, “promise?”

“Promise.”

And you breathe.

“Hey, Nayuta, pick a country. One that doesn’t have a devil hunting association in it.”

“Seychelles,” Nayuta didn’t miss a beat, grinning the devilish grin you loved all the while. “We still need to have our honeymoon.”

The back of your fist strikes Moe’s throat before she has time to react.

“Don’t worry at all, Prez,” you kick the woman to the ground, grip on your axe tightening as you sit atop her. “I know you won’t tell anyone.” You wonder what those forest green eyes see when they look up at you, eyes wide as she gasps for air. You hold her jaw in place, gloved fingers digging into her skin.

“Stop-” her words come quiet, hoarse. “I won’t tell! I really won’t tell!”

She won’t say anything. No. She might. She hasn’t snitched in all these years. She could change her mind. Cut off her tongue. Her fingers too. And the toes. All of it needs to go.

“I could cut off your tongue,” you feel her breath hitch from she freezes under your touch. You feel the beat of a pulse, pounding like a drum. “but you could still use your fingers. I could cut your fingers and you could use your toes. I could cut off everything and you’d still probably find a way to get out a message with the stumps too.” Tears swell in Moe’s eyes and you barely feel her fists beating into your shoulder. I’m glad I hit her in the throat, you finally take note of her barely audible, ragged whispers.“You can say you won’t talk until you’re blue in the face but there is nothing that can stop you from ever changing your mind. I’m sorry. I really did like you.”

See? I became a bad person to you just now, didn’t I?

The weight of your axe is heavy as it follows the push of gravity guiding your hand into soft flesh below. There’s a quick breath, a gurgle, that slips from Moe’s lips and you raise your axe again.

Red droplets strike your visor and you raise your axe again.

Muscle and sinew decorate the dirty earth around you and you raise your axe again.

Again and again even when what you strike is hard rock instead of flesh until you raise your axe a final time, and you hear metal clink that isn’t your own.

Your neck cracks from the force you whip your neck and the devil flinches when your eyes meet, not daring to press its raised hand to the ground. When you look closely, you see a twisted green soda can wobbling underneath it. Your shoulders steadily heave from your fatigue, neither of you moving a centimeter. You can’t hold back a tired laugh from the absurdity, resting a hand on a knee as you push yourself up. “Sorry,” you titter, neither of you blinking as you step to the side. “You’re hungry, aren’t you,” you gesture to the body, still warm. “It’s okay. Eat it.”

The devil’s mouth trembles, eyes flittering between you and the still lumps on the ground. It takes a step back.

You blink, letting your hand hang loosely against your leg. “What are you waiting for? I said eat it.”

As if coming back to life, the devil on all fours takes one step forward - then another - until it rushes past you to begin its feast. You raise your visor when the devil turns its head, jowls soaked in blood, eyes narrow. It eats stiffly, eying you and the axe in your hand. You smile reassuringly, eyes soft.

The Rat Devil should be about ¥600,000 right?

ー

Nayuta squeals when you lift her feet off the ground as you laugh maniacally, arms safely tucked underneath her back and legs.

An evening walk on the beach is just what you need after a trying day at work. The moon is full and the evening Shonai air is sweet unlike the stink of the city, heavy with exhaust and blood. Thanks for not being a bitch this time, Nishida. The Rat Devil cost as much as you estimated it would, if not a bit higher.

The life you lead isn’t perfect but it has its moments.

“We’re going to fall!” Nayuta shrieks but her grin is wide and shining under the moonlight. She’s almost like a siren, you think, as the waves accompany her voice. The sand squishes underneath your toes, kicking up the waves as you spin and spin. One day when you carry her like this, she’ll be in a beautiful dress and veil just like you talked about when you were kids. 

“Relax,” you tilt your head back, tasting the ocean spray on your lips. “I’m never gonna drop you!”

ー

“[First],” Himeno calls in a sing-song voice as you walk out the door. “Wait for me, kiddo! I need you to give me a ride!”

Your hand grips the car handle as you tilt your head back with a loud groan, “Himeno, I’m going to work.” The sun hasn’t risen yet nor have the morning birds begun singing their songs. Eight months you have been able to successfully stave off this conversation.

Eight months.

You hope to make it nine.

“Wow,” Himeno jeers, undeterred and you know your stomach will be heavy with dread if you’re unable to shake her off your tail. Eight months you’ve been able to successfully avoid this conversation with Himeno and you don’t plan to break your record. “Someone gets a job and the moment she starts moving up in the world she forgets about all the people she met along the way.”

“Yep,” you click your tongue. “I’m one of those people. So it looks like you’ll have to wait until someone else decides to be your chauffeur. I’ll call Sebastian to retrieve you later.”

“So they’re paying enough at 7-11’s for you to afford Sebastian’s rates?” Himeno whistles, impressed and awed as she rests a large stack of ¥10,000 on top of the car. “Can you recommend me a position? If I’d known that, I’d have left Himeji’s ages ago.”

Blue stares into [color].

Wordlessly, you sit in the car and Himeno follows suit, quiet as you pull out of the driveway and far from the coziness of home. She waits nearly ten minutes to the hour before she opens her lips, a smile in her voice that is frigid. “You have the look of a killer now,” your eyes flit to your reflection in the rearview mirror. “I wonder how many things you had to kill to get eyes like that.”

“What’s the issue with killing,” you mutter, eyes on the empty road. How she found the money is of little consequence. She has it and that’s all that matters. “Why did you make me learn how to kill them if you didn’t want me to do it?”

“Those skills were for protecting yourself,” you scoff at her answer. What’s self-defense to her will never accommodate your ambitions. “Not going out of your way to get yourself killed. As long as you’re living under my roof-”

“Oh don’t worry, we won’t be living there for much longer,” you cut off your benefactor.

“We?”

“We!” The car comes to an abrupt halt as your glares turn on one another. “You and Ichika aren’t going to be here protecting us forever! You think Power actually has the ability to live on her own in a world of humans? You’re not going to live forever!”

“And you think you are?!” Himeno laughs at the ludicrous presumption.

“I’m going to figure things out by then!”

Three adult passports.

(I’ll need the forgeries too.)

Visa.

Housing.

Food.

Permanent Residency.

(Can’t believe I forgot about ticket costs. Where do I go for illegally flying devils out of the country, huh? And the pets. What do I do to bring-)

“[First]-”

“And I don’t need your help to do that! And I don’t need to be under your roof either, I’ll move out! I have enough!”

“ー stop!”

“I’M NOT ー!” Himeno balks as you scream, slamming your hand against the driver’s window. The glass cracks but it does not shatter. “ ー isn’t coming back and the one you’re stuck with now is me! And I know you hate that and you have to be reminded that your best friend died every time you look at me but I am not her! I’m never going to be her!” Those memories would never be yours. Makima was never going to be yours. Makima is Makima, Nayuta is Nayuta. The difference is night and day. “I’m not like her! I hate her! I hate,” your voice cracks and you rest your head on the steering wheel, squeezing the handle tightly. “I hate it. I hate that you only want to see her. You never want to see me.”

“When Kishibe brought you both to me, I wanted to take you in immediately. And I have to be honest, a good portion of it was because of who you used to be. But I know you, [First],” a hand rests on your back, warm, but you’re too tired to brush it away. “You’re brave and kind and you look out for the people you care about even if it means you have to take the brunt force of everything. Nayuta has no idea about this and it’s because you want to keep her safe.”

“I don’t want her to come to the city and be discovered again,” “I’ve found the Control Devil.” The five words you fear hearing the most. “A life where Nayuta can be free. That’s all I want.”

“I see you, [First]. I see you and I see Nayuta and I’m very proud of who you’ve become and the people you’ll grow into for as long as I get to see it. I just haven’t been doing a good job showing that and for that, I’m so sorry,” her voice is cloyingly thick and in spite of yourself, your eyes feel hot. “Even if I could go back and stop ー from dying, I wouldn’t. I would never give up having you in my life, not even for her. You, Power, Nayuta. All three of you are precious to me, younger sisters I’ve always wanted.”

“You already had a younger sister, idiot,” you wipe your nose against your sleeve, disregarding your disgust for the trail of snot it leaves on the fabric. “Does Ichika mean nothing to you?”

“More younger sisters,” Himeno laughs wetly. “The four of you give me a life that’s worth living. I love it when Power plays her anime at the loudest volume possible. I can even look back on Nayuta and Power’s fights with a smile, isn’t that funny? At the time those situations weren’t funny but that’s how sisters are, I guess. And you always thought you could be slick hiding that you could be as much of a brat as the rest of us. Well, except for maybe Ichika. You should have seen her when she was four.”

You laugh despite yourself, “Ichika was probably the most well-behaved four year old on the planet. You probably made your parents want to send you back to the hospital.”

Himeno chortles, “only half the time.”

A pleasant silence falls over the vehicle.

“I think it’s time to call Grandpa Kishibe and finally move from this place. The house is getting too small,” Himeno leans back in her seat and stares at the leather ceiling. “The geezer should foot the bill for everything, he never even sent me child support.”

“Nayuta wants to go to Seychelles,” you follow Himeno’s example, resting against your seat. It’s dawn now, you note the fingers of the sun peeking behind the clouds and painting the sky hues of rose, indigo and vermillion.

You love the dawn.

“I know a place even better than that,” it’s supposed to be a wink but with the eyepatch, who can tell. “Remember that Angel Devil I told you about? The place he lives is pretty damn snazzy and warm all-year round. A place where even devils can live freely.”

ー

You barely had time to dry your hands on your skirt when Rika burst through the bathroom door, chest heaving. “[First], come quick,” the girl’s eyes were wide with fear. “Moe and Nayuta got into a fight!”

You bolted through the door, shoving Rika to the side.

Class 3-C was a mess by the time you arrived and calling what likely happened was a disservice to what you were welcomed to. Desks were skewed to the side as if a tornado had blown through it, food strewn across the floor. No one noticed your presence, not when Moe sat on the floor holding her jaw, battered and nose dripping with blood and Nayuta’s short form towered over her with silent menace.

“Nayuta, stop,” you stand between the devil and the human foolish enough to invoke her wrath.

“Why?” Gold eyes glowed harshly.

“You’ll kill her.”

“Why do you care if she dies? You said she didn’t mean anything to you. So I don’t understand,” Nayuta appeared to stand perfectly still but you could hear the tremor in her voice. From rage or from wanting to cry, you didn’t know. “Why are you protecting this girl? I’m all you need. Aren’t I?” Taking a half-step forward, Nayuta gripped your arms as if they were her lifeline. “Aren’t I?”

One year ago, not long after you turned thirteen, a blazing star sought refuge in your chest.

The birth of the universe.

Within that birth, you willingly took a devil’s hand and ran across the playground of the divine welcoming all damnation.

You’d do it for as long as she wanted you.

“From now and forever, we are going to stay together. We’ll eat a lot together, sleep together and live a happy life together,” you hold Nayuta to your chest, closer than what is possible between devils and man. “More than anyone in the world, you’re the only person I need. And I’ll never want anyone else either,” you whispered, brushing your fingers against her silky hair. “I told you before, didn’t I? We’re not like them. You and me are gonna live forever.”

“You want to be with me?”

“I want to be with you.”

“You’ll stay with only me?”

“I’m always gonna stay with only you.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Let’s go home, okay?” When you felt the weak nod of your beloved, you wrapped Nayuta’s legs around your waist. Your initial steps were shaky, pacing backwards for a few seconds before you caught your balance. 

“I love you, [First],” Nayuta’s arms trembled around your shoulders and you hear the telltale signs of hiccuping.

“I love you too,” you held her closer if it was possible.

Warm droplets fall against your neck.

ー

Nayuta looks beautiful in her white dress, veil trailing delicately along the white sand.

translation notes.

織姫　「orihime」 ー weaver princess

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