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kenwio · 2 days ago

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Joker's kid! reader : how batfamily would react on them trying to end their life

Route : recovered dove

Please read warnings before reading this one!

If you do not feel like reading it, it's okay! (Spoilers will be at the end of this part) Please have tea or hot cocoa, and read relax 💖 and remember there are people who care and support you 💖 I'll be posting more fluff in future parts

Warnings : heavy topics, mentions of death, implications of self-destructive behavior and suicidal behavior, hurt/comfort, traumatized characters.

Idea for this part from this ask here . I also used this idea for comfort part form here

Author's note : I'm including this part in route: Recovered dove only because I want to show that mental healing of Joker's kid is a long way, it had ups and downs, but in the end they have family who acres about them now.

You don't know what exactly triggered it. Maybe it was the fact that everyone started discussing break out in Arkham asylum instead of the usual breakfast convention, maybe it was how Bruce said he didn't have time for you, maybe it was how Alfred was distant today, so you thought something wrong, maybe it was that Dick ignored you today, maybe it was that Jason's aggressive demeanor when you saw him, maybe it was Tim's comment when you brought him coffee, maybe it was Damian's harshness when you meet him near your room today.

That all made you feel so lost. To see them all being unwelcoming to you again was overwhelming. Is it because your father is free again, and they thought you'd be helping him? Wait if your father is free... he will want you back. You don't want back! No! You don't want to be with him again! You do not want to be experimented on again, be beaten up by him again. You thought it was finally over, that you were taken away from that life, never to return. You thought you found family! Why does he have to ruin your life again? He drove her away from you already, the only person who protected you before Batman and his birds, the only person who was your family before them, your mom ... and now he is doing it again; he is taking your family away again! But were they your family? You thought that Bruce was thinking about you as his own child, you thought that Alfred was proud of your progress, you thought that Dick was happy to spend time with you, you thought that Jason was enjoying your shared reading time, you thought that Tim liked to study with you, you thought that Damian finally accepted you. Were you wrong? Was it all a lie? Did they want to use you as bait for your father? Or did they think you would be able to tell them something about him? Was that a reason why they got close to you? But now that they see they were wrong, and after they made sure you didn't know anything, they decided to drop the act?

Was it all a happy dream that's just ended? If it was a dream, you don't want to wake up to the nightmare of your previous life. You can't take the suffering anymore. You need to make it stop to end it, to end it all.

You didn't know how long you were in you were in your thoughts, when you got up. You wanted to live. The room that became your own, became your safe space now felt like JOKE. You needed to get away from it. You struggled to open the window, as it required much strength from your shaking hands. But you were persistent in your efforts to open it, and in the end window opened. You looked down, it was quite high, and you knew that for your body, which was unlike theirs, weak and fragile, it would be enough. You've seen a grown man die when he fell from his high back in a crime alley, so for you, it will definitely be enough. Oh, crime alley, you don't want to go there. You don't want to return to life with Joker. You stood up on the windowsill, looking at the green grass down, feeling the cold night wind against your skin. Your head felt heavy, ringing in your ears just made it all worse. You took one step, and you felt incredibly calm. You took another step, only to be pulled away from the windowsill on the ground and held up. You didn't register the loud voice, the way someone was shaking you. You just sit there staring at nothing in particular, not even able to cry because of how tired you are.

In the meantime, Damian, the one who pulled you away from the window, had already called everyone and was trying hard to make you snap out of it. Yet it was not helping. When Bruce arrived, he moved Damian, who was looking at you with extreme worry, aside. Bruce recognized your expression; he had seen it before - thousand-yard stare - your own mind was protecting you from whatever you were feeling. As he was trying to help you, holding you against him, trying to soothe you, the rest of the family arrived in your room, seeing scared Damian, worried Bruce, and you... you looked so broken. It was too hard on them all

A few hours later, when you fell asleep after you came to your senses and cried for a while, Bruce and others started figuring out what made you feel this way. And it didn't take long; they are a family of detectives, after all. And this all made them feel really bad, guilty. As it turned out, on this day, you were too unlucky to notice only the bad sides of things.

There wasn't any breakout In Arkham asylum. Turns out, the lead they were investigating turned out to be false. Bruce, indeed, was busy, but he failed to communicate this in the normal way: he only added that he would try to make some only by the time you stepped away, which he didn't notice. Alfred was distant because he had a migraine today, but he still wanted to work around the house; there were too many chores to be done in the Wayne manor. Dick didn't mean to ignore you, he was too tired after his few nights of being up and he just failed to notice your quiet presence, being too busy thinking about his bed. Jason was behaving aggressively because of the lead about break out from Arkham asylum, which was the one that he followed for his case, and since it was false; it took the case he was working on back to square one. Tim actually was mumbling about his case, quietly cursing criminals, and not you; just like Jason, he had too much trouble because of that stupid lead. Damian stepped in at the last second to help you avoid stumbling and falling when you were waking in your room, which resulted in his harshness to you, but you were too deep in your panic to notice that his gaze was more worried than angry. If Damian wouldn't have been worried and decided to check up on you... non of them want to think about it.

They spend night in your room and in the morning, they talked to you, communicating how things actually were the previous day, and expressing how important you were to them.

It was a shock to everyone. Even Bruce thought it was going fine, that your session was working and helping you, that you were feeling safe, and that your relationships with the rest of the family were getting better. And he knew that what happened damaged the whole family because they almost lost you. He regretted that he didn't phrase his words correctly, feeling like he failed to show his care for you. He knew he should have been careful with words, he knows how impactful they can be. And since he said he hadn't got time for you he started making time for you. He wants you to know that he cares for you and he will make time for you wherever you need him. His one daily check-up became 2 check-ups, and when he had more free time, he checked up more. He pays extra attention to you. Even your little sneeze will make him worried to the point of examination in a medbay. He stays with you, and sometimes talks with you, encouraging you to open up and share your opinion and feelings. He tries to lessen the influence of "bad guidelines" (that were with you because of Joker) in your head. He helps you talk through your feelings, helps you show them and process them. He reminds you that you are cared for now. And he promises that he will protect you. After hearing you out, learning your fears and insecurities, and when he learned out that most of all you are afraid to go by your father's way, he promises you that he will do everything in his power to prevent you from taking this way. Bruce wants you to be happy, to make good memories. You already got unlucky with your father, who made you experience hell, but Bruce will try to be the best Dad he can for you.

Alfred felt so guilty. He knew you needed care, but he was distracted. He feels like he let you down, by forgetting how fragile and sensitive you are. He knew you were struggling; he had seen it himself. If only he had paid you more attention. But Alfred, better than anyone else, knows that he shouldn't be focusing on the past; he needs to work on the present, and he needs to make sure you feel better. He makes sure to make you more happy while he can. It's always your favorite tea at the tea time you share, with his cookies, of course, which he bakes with you from time to time. It's always your comfort shows or documentaries on TV when you two watch something. He also makes sure no one dares to make you feel uncomfortable, even if it will make him look around like Hawk. But Alfred understands that he can't always be around; that's exactly why he makes sure that he teaches you at least a few techniques that would be able to help with worry and anxiety, and he practices them with you. You are his little star, who may be really quiet but still efficiently lights up his days, and he doesn't want to lose you. When you share that you are afraid your family will reject you, he personally goes to everyone, making sure that they won't be saying something that contains a message. He wants to see you all grown up and happy in the end; he will work hard to make sure your life in Manor will be good.

Even when Dick just heard how Damian called for help for you, he felt shocked, what to say when he saw and understood the situation. What do you mean his baby sibling tried to make their life end when he was blissfully unaware, sleeping in his old room? How? What he missed? Just a few days before, you seemed on your way to becoming the happy sunshine of a kid, and now that has happened? He is your older brother and he missed all the singes?! He needs to sit down. It's too hard to accept this version of reality for him. The reality is that he can lose another member of the family. He knows what it is like to lose a sibling, and he will never want to experience it or feel this pain again. And knowing that it's you who tried to end your life makes it all worse. He tries to understand what pushed you, trying to see what he can do to prevent this from happening. He also tries to distract you from all the negativity in your life with quality time and different activities. The incident shook him hard, and while he hoped to introduce you to cuddles differently, he had to do it now. He needs to make sure you are close, still warm, still safe, still alive. And it seemed like cuddling with him made you calmer; you didn't even realize how touch-starved you were until then. It became a sort of comforting ritual for both of you, cuddling, sometimes just cuddling, sometimes while watching something. While cuddling he often says sweet words of reassurance to you. And while he knows he can't stay in Manor forever, he makes sure you know that he is always here for you, just a call away.

Jason was mad at himself for allowing himself to snap at you earlier. He feels incredible guilt that he was the reason that you were in that state. For a few days after, he could only watch you in your room or living room until he talked about his feelings and the incident (how he calls it because he can't speak that out loud, it physically hurts him to admit it) with Bruce and Dick. He started slowly approaching you, continuing your reading sessions, but also, sometimes, he decided just to start talking with you. He shares with you his experiences in the crime alley, and you share yours; you both know that only you two in the whole family could understand the full horror of this place, and that's aside from the fact that both of you know the full horror of Joker. He says to you that you'll never become like him, because he sees you are different. Jason tries to comfort you, yet he knows he is not ideal in it, but he is willing to try as much as he can just for you. He can understand that you feel lonely; he can only imagine how lonely you get when all the family is busy with vigilante work. It got him thinking, remembering. He remembers times when he was still Robin, and sometimes, when he got hurt, he stayed in his room alone, and. he hated it. Back when Dick gifted him a plushie of a bat, and now, in another attempt to comfort you, he brings this old plushie to you. He tells you that this plushie kept him company and protected him from everything bad, and now it will protect you, and now you'll never be alone anymore; your family's love will be here for you.

Tim was second after Damian to arrive in your room. This sight horrified him. He just froze, in shock. For once, he didn't know how to act or what to do. After everyone made sure you were okay, and his brain began working again, he started to do what he knew best - investigating and researching to find ways of how to help you, trying them with you in the meantime. Art therapy? He tried to hold a few sessions with you. Special games? You both alredy beating third one. Special music? Here is his player, listen when you want. He becomes more attentive to you, noticing every little detail. He knows as a person who likes studies like him, you would want to learn more about your mental health and how to care about yours. He found a way to explain the basics of it all to you in a way that is easier for you to understand, and only when she reads articles (that he chose, of course) about mental health and coping mechanisms. You want to cuddle with him while reading? Good, he will do it (he is happy that Dick showed you how to cuddle and totally not jealous). You want to stay with him while he works? Okay, sure, he is here for you. He makes sure you can ask him anything; he reminds you that you are safe with him and with others. So when you ask about Arkham and your father there he makes sure to show you that Arkham is hard to get out (even if it's not true).

Damian didn't like how it felt to see you on the windowsill. He doesn't like how it feels to see you in this state. He doesn't like fear. But fear made one thing clear: he cares about you. He hadn't understood how important you became until that incident happened. You are his sibling, and even if he did not choose you, even if he was against the idea of you being in the family at first, now he knows you held a place in this family like everyone else. And now he knows that he will do everything in his power to make you safe; he will protect you even from yourself. He asked Bruce to install precautions in your room. He follows you like your shadow everywhere you go. He makes sure that there is no danger in your way. He checks up on how you sleep after patrols. He makes sure to be nicer when he is around you, and he heads to ask Father, Pennyworth, and Grayson how exactly to behave around you. He joins in Tim the research of ways for you to cope with traumas or ways to comfort you, and when he sees articles about how communicating with animals improves mental health, he brings Titus to you, and when he goes for walks with Titis he makes sure to take you on them too since he also found out that walks improve mental health, and since it's walking with Titus it's beneficial in double. He protects you and he cares for you even if he struggles with proving it

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Thank you for reading! Feel free to share your opinion and have a good day 💖

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Tag list :

@socially-embarrassing , @leovergurl , @deathbynarcisstick , @cryptic-arr0w , @lynns-cornerr , @cxcilla , @charlotteking23 , @ninihrtss , @lillycore , @pix-stuff , @tfamidoingwithmylife , @linoalwaysknows , @00hellohello00 , @lilithskywalker , @bagofrice , @lenaisaloser , @devilslittlehelper , @camilo-uwu , @l3v1us , @eyeless-kun , @stargazingbutgayer, @wpdarlingpan , @weirdothatreads , @maybea1 @lyla-viper-wayne @amber-content @lizzyzzn

if i forgot to add someone to the tag list, please let me know, and i will add you to the next part

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Spoiler:

Next chapter connected to this (click here) and after that I'll finally write about Joker's kid! reader hair dyeing adventures

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edward-munson · 3 days ago

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I don't care | S.H.

Summary: Taking care of Steve after he was attacked by an army of demobats seems like a lot of work, only because apparently he doesn't like you.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x f!reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of injury, allusion to smut

Word count: 2.2k

☆°•○♡

"You want them spicy or not?" You ask Steve as you make nachos for dinner for both of you.

He's lying on the couch, on his back. He still recovers from the attack of the demobats. His neck is almost fully scarred, but the bites on his stomach and his sides are still painful. You've been laying low together for close to two weeks.

Your friends didn't want to make you team up with them to find Vecna and kill him. Not that you're not brave or strong enough to do so. But you're still pretty new to all of this and someone had to stay with Steve. So you didn't even bother opposing the idea, even though he's not your biggest fan.

God knows why, he never told his reasons. And your friends didn't know either. Maybe Eddie did, but he wouldn't open his mouth about it.

"I still think this is really unnecessary. I'm not a fucking child" He complains as he walks past the kitchen door, leaning against the sink.

With crossed arms, he looks at your food. You made chilli beans, guacamole and cheese sauce for the spicy nachos. You look up at him, trailing your eyes on his neck for an instant before raising an eyebrow to him.

"You can't even hold your own weight, Harrington. Stop being a crybaby".

Steve scoffs at you, but doesn't move an inch from his position. "Jesus, I wish we had another plan".

You drop the spoon you were using, turning your face to look at him. "I'm only doing this because they asked me to. Get off your own ass".

You leave the kitchen, walking out to the bedroom you were sleeping on. You were staying at his house. It's not like there were other options, but you couldn't refuse to stay there when he's alone and barely walking. Well, he can walk. The worst part is that he needs rest because of his wounds.

The past two weeks you've been quite getting along. Not that much, really. It's not like you were friends. Probably more like close acquaintances. Because obviously, he was the one pushing you away.

You didn't leave your room for a while, you were too annoyed to eat, and since it was dinner for the two of you, it didn't feel like you should eat anymore. You decided to spend your time watching something on the TV, which would easily make you get bored.

And then you would read books, or write stuff. It's been pretty tough lately since Vecna appeared. Max almost got killed and now she was staying at Dustin's house. The other kids were coming back to Hawkins to help, maybe Eleven might be able to do something about that.

You actually wished you were doing something fun. Like, taking a trip to the beach or snowboarding since it's fall and the weather has been cold. Your thoughts were pushed back by a knock on the door. Steve didn't open it and you didn't mention doing it either, so he just stayed there.

"Sorry I was an idiot" His voice came out muffled through the closed door. "I know I've been cranky and annoying".

You only opened the door after a couple of minutes, not exactly sure if he was still there. But he looked up from the floor at you. "You used to be nice. I mean, way before this curse happened".

He stayed quiet, because you were right. But what else can he do if the world was turned upside down (almost literally) again? And you almost got them killed once, not on purpose of course.

You were also the one to get too close to Robin and he hated seeing his best friend sharing her friendship with someone else. Because up until then, he was the only one she was the closest he had to a friend, even though he had a strong relationship with Eddie too.

None of it was your fault, but he grew annoyed over you. He couldn't lie to himself and say you weren't too kind and helpful. But he started to become extremely unenthusiastic over you through the year.

"A lot has happened since then. I'm trying to live up to the fact that we're against another monster again" Steve leans an arm against the doorframe, but refuses to keep his gaze at you.

"Which isn't my fault, by the way. Not to mention I'm the one who pulled you out of the watergate before you were eaten".

Another few seconds of silence, which was followed by a sarcastic nasal laugh. He shook his head and hung it low to the floor.

"Oh, you want a prize for that? Because I remember clearly when I didn't ask for your help!" His words were harsh, even if not intended.

But now you were the one who didn't know what to say. Until you feel the bitter taste on your tongue.

"Guess I should've let them rip your skin apart, then".

He saw the door shutting in front of him, cursing himself for being extremely idiotic and insensitive. He almost felt like punching his own face for that.

Steve heard you talking to Eddie that night through your walkie talkie. It was a little bit hard to hear because the reception was static for you. But you could listen to Eddie and God, you missed him and the others. It started to become unbearable to live with Steve. He heard you lament the whole situation, complaining about the way you were treating each other.

He was bitter about the things they were going through. He was angry he couldn't have done more. And he was taking it out all on you. He couldn't face another apology on the same day, because he knew he didn't deserve to be forgiven. Not right now.

The next day, he made breakfast by himself. It took you by surprise, but by the time you were up, he had already eaten. And you wouldn't want to eat with him either. You remember Nancy saying the bickering was just "sexual tension" but you knew it didn't have anything to do with that.

Even though you felt your ears burning from the thought, you couldn't deny to yourself that he was pretty charming. And seeing him shirtless whenever he would change the gauze made you feel weird. God, his hair was always pretty while yours looked like a bird nest after waking up.

The day seemed to have lasted longer since you haven't exchanged a single word to each other. He was focused on watching movies, playing video games and listening to music. He was getting bored out of his mind, but there wasn't much he could do being injured.

You, on the other hand, went out to do some errands. In fact, you didn't care you left him alone. You were getting tired of staying inside. So you went to see Max, and invited her to eat at Burger King. She seemed to feel better to do something like that too. Everything seemed pretty fuzzy lately.

Will, Mike and Eleven were pretty close to Hawkins. Thanks to Argyle who thinks he's a speed racer, and Jonathan who encourages him to drive long hours so they can arrive as soon as possible.

It was almost 7 PM when you came back home. You've finally had some fun after a week. You obviously couldn't be going out since they still haven't found Vecna and he knows about you too. The man in front of you seemed pretty pissed that he didn't see you were out until he woke up two hours ago.

"What? Don't give me that father look" You dropped your backpack on the floor and followed upstairs.

He's got a whole show prepared and he wasn't feeling like he would regret it this time.

"You know you can't just fucking go out and yet, you still do" He walked behind you, like a mother scolding a child.

"Yeah, dad. I know so. But here I am, back in pieces" You turned on your heel to look at him before closing your door.

Much to your dismay, he was faster this time, holding it with his right foot and right hand. Even injured, he was still stronger than you.

"No, don't push it. You can be an easy target for him, you know that?"

You huff, dropping your arm to your side. "Look, Harrington. I'm an adult, and I'm very aware of what I do or don't do. So please, just stop making a scene and leave me the fuck alone".

Steve couldn't even stand arguing with you anymore, it was so tiring. But he knew he would blame himself if something ever happened to you out there. He couldn't let this happen to you, even though you've been annoying him for whatever reason.

He took a step towards you, his hands balling into fists. The way your eyes were boring into him in an unamused face irritated him even more.

"Look, honey" His tone was purely sarcastic and you felt it not only in his voice, but in his demeanor too. "You know you're putting yourself at risk doing that. If I'm not fucking sure you're safe as well, I won't live with that".

At each passing second, you could feel him walking to you, but you couldn't walk back. You couldn't run from him, you couldn't get away from him. You wouldn't, you didn't feel like you wanted to.

"And not just because of my friends, they sure would kill me. But because I couldn't lose another person" You feel his breathing hitting your face, his eyes flicking as he looks at you.

He looks down at you with such intensity, it's crazy how there's a magnetic pull towards him.

You hold his gaze, feeling a cold shiver down your spine. He didn't look like he was about to snap at you, even though his tone was a bit loud.

He furrows his brows when he sees your lip curling into a smirk. "Well, Steve" His fingers move by the sound of his name, you always call him Harrington. "I thought you didn't care if I died or not".

This time, he was the one to smirk at you. "Honey, I don't remember saying I never cared about you".

Your stomach sank at that. Because now as you think of it, it comes crashing down as a realization that he never really said anything related to that. He truly never spoke about it.

"Doesn't seem like it"

"You see, this is why you annoy me so much" His nose bumps into yours, but he still gazes at you like he doesn't mean to avoid eye contact.

"Yeah? Then you should–" He doesn't let you finish your sentence.

Steve crashes his lips against yours, his hands flying down your hips. He feels your immediate reaction as you don't correspond right away. For a few seconds, he thinks he's done the wrong thing and almost regrets it, until you grab him by the neck with both hands. You wrap your fingers around his neck, your fingertips grazing the nape of his hair.

Your lips are smacking his lips in a hurry, while he runs a hand to cradle your face. He slips his tongue into your mouth and holds his breath when he feels your tongue moving in sync with him. He doesn't want to admit this is what he wished he could've done before.

Steve has been so stressed lately that he could only think about defeating Vecna. He didn't realize how much you were willing to take care of him these weeks. All he knew was that he also had to take care of you. And this is why he became so angry when you left without him knowing.

Especially because if something did happen to you, he would feel the regret of being an asshole to you.

He rips a low whimper from you when he gently grasps your lower lip by his teeth as he heaves against your mouth. You're both too absorbed into your own feelings, leaving grunts and gripping each other everywhere.

His fingers were digging your skin every time you would kiss his jawline and he was growing eager. He didn't want to look like he was trying to take advantage of you, only noticing now how much you also wanted this.

He then roughly pulls your shirt off, watching as your chest is quickly rising and falling. And his eyes sparkled when he saw your cleavage for the first time like that. Your bra perfectly hugging your round big breasts.

Steve didn't wait any longer, holding your waist and pushing you back against your bed.

That night, he pounded on you just like you dreamed about. He slapped his hips against your ass just like you wished someone would one day. The air was filled with sounds and lust.

You didn't even notice when your friends arrived right after he had an orgasm. You didn't have time to get dressed, only getting caught when Robin opened the door to you both naked. He didn't have time to remove his condom. She saw you naked. And worse. She saw her best friend naked.

And you thought it was going to be awkward, until Eddie turned the awkwardness into "I knew these idiots would fuck".

The night was all about this. They decided to leave the Vecna subject for the next day.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x fem!reader fluff #steve harrington fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fanfic

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yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit · 2 days ago

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I think the problem is there's a massive cultural tension between 2 stances.

Everything unsightly, like garbage laundry, dishes, small appliances, cord or hobbies should be hidden away as much as possible so everything looks 'clean', that this is how 'adults' live and should be everyone's goal. Closed storage, minimal drop zones, invisible garbage and storage.

That this clearly doesn't work for a very large subset of people and homes are meant for living in comfortably, not for looking good up to someone else's standards. Your home should serve you and make your life easier, and some people experience "out of sight out of mind" a little too literally and completely to do things like store their hobbies away and still actually think to do them

You see this tension played out in home advice articles and home design opinion pieces all over the internet.

And it's one of those things that's actually about the spectrum of disability or neurology that is natural to humans that no one wants to acknowledge as the problem. At least no one really married to that first viewpoint up there. For people who are able bodied and neurotypical -enough- to pass, or are nd in just the right way, they can get away with living like that and the lack of clutter makes them comfortable and they tell themselves they are the ones doing 'adulting' correctly. Some people who live like this acknowledge it isn't desirable or healthy for other people to... some don't. Some really don't. Some people see drop zones and open storage and hobbies left out where they are visible and see it as a failure to 'live like an adult'. They see it as a dying trend of clutter and describe it with words like 'messy' and 'unsightly' or imply it's deeply off trend and needs to be done away with.

And our parents generation did a lot to try to instill view 1 in a lot of us, like it's the only acceptable way to act like a responsible person, either as an extension of their own acquired neurosis, or because they didn't like seeing their kids stuff all over the place [that is to say evidence of kids and teens being kids and teens in their house]. They learned it from their parents and the passed it on just like body image issues from parents who ask their daughters why they don't have the salad.

Like yes, on tumblr I see posts so often talking about how you should make your home functional for your brain and how you work, all the time, even ones that explicitly mention issues with executive functions or with literally forgetting things exist when you don't see them regularly. Thinking of things like desire paths might be a good way for some people to rewire how they think about their home.

But everywhere else on the internet? There's at least 20 more people trying to tell you that "open shelving" was just a fad, and needs to be done away with because it looks cluttered and 'messy'. With zero acknowledgement that doesn't work for everyone for neurological reasons.

I see these posts so often on tumblr because they are trying to do damage control for a pervasive culture of shame that treats accessibility in home design like it's unsightly.

On one hand, it's great to see people learn how to unfuck their living spaces. On the other hand, that stuff like "frequently used articles should be stored near where they're used" and "trash receptacles should be placed near activities that generate trash" are being received as radical ideas points to a serious knowledge transmission problem.

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deerlysacred · 2 days ago

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🍲 yellow fever & pinkie pie { dean winchester x witch fem!reader }

𐂂 𝄢 { you're taking care of dean, he's been scared of tiniest things because of a ghost sickness, while sam and bobby works to kill that ghost, they have to kill it as soon as possible since this sickness is known to lead to a heart attack that would kill dean.}

𖣂 𝄢 established relationship & fluff {s4 e6}

‼️ 𝄢 i do not own supernatural or any of its characters; all rights belong to their respective creators. this is purely a work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only, with no intention of profit.

You arrived back at the motel, leaving Sam and Bobby to deal with this ghost Luther problem, because let's face it, someone needed to babysit Dean before he jumped out of a window over a dust bunny because of this ghost sickness.

The second you stepped inside, you heard a high-pitched yelp and saw Dean standing on the bed, brandishing a motel lamp like it was excalibur. His wide, panic-stricken emerald eyes found you, and he exhaled like he just saw an angel descend from the heavens.

Not Castiel, though. Castiel makes him uncomfortable for… reasons.

"Y/N!" he sighed, dropping the lamp. "Thank God. You're back. I was just—uh—checking for… uh, ghosts and stuff…"

You glanced at the floor. A sock. He screamed at a sock.

In his defense, it was a very threatening sock. Looked like it hadn't been washed since '98. But still.

You raised an eyebrow, but decided to let it go. "Okay, Dean. Sure." You walked past him towards the tiny motel kitchen to put the grocery bags on the counter.

You looked at Dean again, who was back to surfing through the channels. He was gripping the blankets up to his chest, eyes darting around like the walls were gonna close in on him.

Poor thing.

"You hanging in there?" you asked, soft but teasing.

Dean scoffed. "Oh yeah, just peachy, Y/N. Love having my whole nervous system on fire." He scratched his arm for the hundredth time. "You sure Sam and Bobby got this?"

"Positive." You placed a bag from the diner on the table. "Got you something, by the way."

Dean's head snapped to attention like a dog hearing the word 'treat'. "Is that—?"

"Pie."

His eyes misted over like he was a kid and you just told him he was finally getting a game console for Christmas.

"Not yet, though. You can eat it after you eat your soup. No sweets before feeding you properly. I thought soup would be the safest choice since Sam said the healthier you eat, the better in this process. Just bear with me until you get free from this sickness — even if it means eating veggies. Which— I know! is a torture for you."

You smiled to yourself when you heard him complain but still accept it, and turned back to focus on making the soup, fingers grazing the crinkling plastic before pulling out the ingredients one by one. A can of chicken broth, a bundle of fresh parsley, carrots, onion and garlic. You rolled up your sleeves, pushing your hair behind your ears as you reached for the knife.

The first cut into the onion sent an immediate sting through your eyes, the smell crisp and sharp. As you worked, slicing through the layers with careful precision, Dean groaned dramatically from the bed.

"You know," he said, voice hoarse from too much panicked yelling earlier, "this whole nurturing thing you do? It's unnatural."

You didn't look up, chopping the onion into uniform little squares. "Feeding my sick boyfriend is unnatural?"

The knife in your hand hesitated over the onion, its papery skin crackling under your grip. You weren't stalling —well, maybe a little— but something about cooking for Dean in this moment felt oddly… adult. Which was ridiculous, because you were an adult. Technically. Legally. And yet, standing here in this dingy motel kitchen, dicing vegetables like someone who had their life together, felt… weirdly comforting, yet different.

"Yeah, 'cause I'm the one who's supposed to be taking care of you." His voice was muffled, probably because he had pulled the blanket halfway over his face in some half-hearted attempt to hide from reality, embarrassed. "Instead, I'm over here in full damsel mode, while you make me soup like a… like a wholesome 1950s housewife."

You scoffed, swiping the onions and garlic pieces into the pan, to the melted butter. "I'd be a pretty awful housewife. Witches don't exactly thrive in suburbia."

Dean grumbled something under his breath, then turned onto his back, staring at the ceiling. A beat passed. Then—

"…So, you don't think you'd be good at it?"

"Good at what?" You tossed in the carrots, their color bright against the golden broth.

"You know. The whole—" He made a vague circling gesture. "Domestic thing. Housewife-y stuff."

Oh.

Your hands hesitated, fingers tightening around the wooden spoon. The question felt heavier than it should have, like an old doubt creeping back.

"I don't know… I don't think I could handle it."

The words slipped out before you could stop them, and suddenly, the air felt a little heavier. You focused on the simmering broth, stirring absently. Dean propped himself up on one elbow, giving you a skeptical look. "Why not?"

You hesitated. "Because… I don't know." You stirred the soup, watching the vegetables bob in the broth. "I love taking care of people. And I like doing this. But I dont think I'd be the perfect wife type. I'd get distracted with my own things and forget to clean. I'd forget which bills are due… Like… I don't even feel like an adult at most days. I just feel like an overgrown child in adult clothes, trying to mimic other people who seem to have it all together. I struggle with the easiest and most ridiculous things on a regular basis. I forget what day it is all the time. I still have to remind myself to drink water some days. I can't even commit to a consistent sleep schedule." You sighed, setting the knife down for a moment. "I can make soup, sure, but can I handle, like… taxes? Mortgage payments? Children? That's a whole other level of responsibility, and I still feel like I'm barely holding my own life together. The idea of people depending on me all the time kinda freaks me out."

Dean tilted his head. "I depend on you all the time."

You froze for half a second before keep stirring the soup, trying not to let that sink in too deep. You poured a splash of heavy cream into the pot, watching it swirl into the broth like a tiny storm. "Yeah, but that's different. That's us."

"Uh-huh." He shifted, wincing. "And what exactly do you think a housewife does?"

"Be perfect?" you guessed. "Know all the right things? Handle everything without panicking?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh, so like Bobby."

"Shut up! You'll make me burn the soup. Just… don't distract me with these topics." You laughed, shaking your head as you decreased the heat. You reached for the celery, chopping it into small pieces before tossing it into the pot with a satisfying plop, finally with a flick of your wrist, you sprinkled in a generous pinch of salt and pepper, giving the pot a quick stir. Then you wiped your hands on a paper towel, surveying your handiwork. The soup was coming along, a slow-simmering concoction of broth, vegetables, and herbs. A warm, homey scent curled through the air. You put the pan lid on, accidentally dropping the lid on the pan loudly before you fixed it.

Dean flinched against the unexpected loud noise that was heard.

You turned to him. "Did you just—?"

"I didn't flinch." he said quickly, hugging the pillow.

You raised an eyebrow. "Dean, it's just a sound."

"Yeah, well, it was loud."

You hid your grin and started to tidy the dishes, letting him keep his dignity, or what was left of it at least. It was quiet for a moment, just the sound of bubbling broth and whatever dumb reality show Dean had landed on. You figured he'd be fine for at least thirty seconds.

And then—

"GAH!"

You whirled around to find Dean half-off the bed, eyes huge, you nearly dropped the spoon you were about to wash. "Dean?!"

"What? What is it?" you asked, heart pounding.

Dean lifted a shaking hand and pointed at the TV. "Oh my God. Y/N. That was—" He swallowed thickly, visibly trembling. "That was so messed up."

You squinted at the screen.

It was My Little Pony.

…You've gotta be kidding me.

"…Dean."

"They stared at me, Y/N," he whispered. "With those big, dead eyes."

You blinked. "The… ponies?"

"Yes, the ponies!" His voice was an octave higher than normal. "That pink one was too happy, like… Like, she seemed… nuts—happy. That was scary…"

You pressed your lips together, exhaling through your nose. "Dean. It's a children's cartoon."

"I don't care if it is a cartoon at the first glance, that is a psychological horror show!" He rubbed his arms like he was cold. "No way kids watch that and come out normal."

Ouch. Rude much? Patience, Y/N. Not a great time to argue about one of your favorite childhood cartoons.

You sighed and turned back to your tidying. "Just… pick something else."

A few moments of silence.

Then:

"OH, HELL NO!"

Your head snapped up just in time to see Dean fling the remote across the room. It bounced off the wall and landed with a thud on the carpet.

You gaped at him. "Dean! What now?"

He was breathing hard, practically pressed against the headboard. "A COMMERCIAL CAME ON."

You waited… He didn't elaborate?

"…A commercial for what, exactly?"

Dean shook his head, traumatized. "Headache pills.”

You stared. "You're scared of pills now?"

"They were listing side effects, Y/N." His voice was hushed like he was revealing a terrible secret. "Side effects."

You bit your bottom lip to not laugh and leaned against the counter. "Dean, side effects are on, like, every medication—"

"ONE OF THEM WAS DEATH, Y/N! AND I TOOK ONE EARLIER!"

You sighed, rubbing your temple. "Dean, I promise you are not going to die from headache pills."

"YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT."

And that was it. You couldn't hold it in anymore. You burst out laughing, the sound echoing through the motel room like it had no business being that loud. Dean just stared at you, wide-eyed and offended.

"You think this is funny?" he hissed, like you just personally betrayed him. "This is life or death, Y/N!"

You snorted, trying to reign it in, but the sheer absurdity of the situation had a chokehold on you. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry,it's just… Dean, you're literally the guy who laughs in the face of actual death. Ghosts, demons, werewolves— you name it. But today, a sock, a cartoon pony, and a bottle of pills are your mortal enemies."

Dean glared, but it was hard to take seriously when his hair was sticking up like he just wrestled with the blanket and lost. "Hey, those ponies were unnatural. And don't even get me started on side effects. Internal bleeding, Y/N. Internal. Bleeding."

You chuckled, grabbing a bowl from the counter and ladling some of the soup into it. "Here. Eat this before you spiral into thinking the spoon's out to get you too."

He eyed the bowl like it might explode but took it anyway. You plopped down on the edge of the bed, watching him blow on the soup carefully.

"See? Not so bad, right?" you teased, nudging his leg with your foot.

Dean took a cautious sip, then sighed like you just handed him the elixir of life. "Okay, I'll admit… This is freakin' good." He shot you a sideways glance. "Suspiciously good. You sure you didn't put anything weird in it?"

You placed a hand over your heart and spoke with a fake offended voice. "Wow. Accusing your loving girlfriend of poisoning you. That's rich."

Dean pointed his spoon at you. "Hey, I've seen Hansel and Gretel, okay? Witches making suspiciously good food? Classic setup."

You rolled your eyes, scooting back against the headboard. "Right, because if I wanted to fatten you up and eat you, I totally would've waited two years into our relationship to do it."

Dean took another sip, visibly relaxing with every bite. "Could be a long con."

You smirked. "If I wanted to kill you, Dean, trust me, I wouldn't use soup."

Dean paused, spoon hovering in mid-air, before he slowly turned his head to squint at you. "…That was an unsettling thing to say."

You batted your eyelashes innocently. "Was it?"

Dean huffed, and scooped up another spoonful, chewing.

He talked after seemingly getting lost in thoughts for a while. "Y'know… If you really don't think you'd be good at the whole domestic thing, you should know— being perfect at it ain't the point."

You blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift in tone and topic. "What do you mean?"

Dean shrugged, keeping his eyes on the soup. "I mean, you don't have to be some apron-wearing, 'dinner's ready when you walk through the door, honey' type for that whole 'apple pie life' to work. You already take care of people, Y/N. Not just with food, but… with the way you are." He gestured vaguely, wiping his lips with a napkin. "You make things feel… safe."

Your chest tightened at that.

Dean cleared his throat. "And, I mean, hell, if we're talking responsibilities? You think I keep track of bills? Babe, that's Sam. If it were up to me, we'd be in jail for tax fraud or something."

That earned a laugh from you. "Yeah, I believe that. And thanks for saying those, but still…"

"But nothing," he cut in. "You care, Y/N. You give a damn. And you fight for it. That's what matters. The rest? That's just details."

You gulped and looked at him as your heart did a ridiculous little flip. "You make it sound so simple."

Dean shrugged. "'Cause it is. You and me? We've handled worse than taxes."

You snorted, finally looking up at him. "That is… an accurate point."

"Damn right it is." His smirk softened, his thumb brushing absentmindedly against your hip. "So stop freaking out. You're doin' just fine." He pulled you to his side and kissed your forehead. Your brain short-circuited for a second at the casual intimacy of it all. But as you stared at him—his usual confidence, the way he looked at you like he knew you better than you knew yourself— you felt some of the weight on your shoulders lift, you hummed and nodded. Wanting to believe him.

Dean finished the last of his soup with a satisfied hum, setting the empty bowl on the nightstand. He still looked like hell —fidgety, tired eyes darting toward every shadow like they held inevitable traps— but hey, at least he wasn't actively jumping stupid things. That was something.

You reached over and tugged the blankets up around him. "See? A full stomach makes everything better."

Dean exhaled slowly, rubbing a hand down his face. "Yeah, well… I'm still dying, so."

You gave him a flat look. "You're not dying."

"You don't know that." he muttered, shifting under the covers, eyes flicking towards the TV away from you.

You sighed, setting the remote out of his reach. "Sam and Bobby are handling it. They're gonna find the ghost, and you'll be fine."

Dean didn’t respond right away. His fingers curled into the fabric of the blanket, his jaw tight. You knew this kind of quiet. It wasn't just the sickness messing with him— it was the vulnerability. The kind he hated. The kind that made him feel small. And maybe even the memories that haunted him from back in Hell. Yeah. Dean was stubborn, insisting that he doesn't remember anything from Hell but you had your doubts rightfully — because of the regular nightmares he woke up from in the middle of the night and the unexplainable, gloomy look of him in general. But you didn't push him to admit it, not yet. And you weren't going to do it now, absolutely. Not when he was a heart attack away from the tiniest death.

Without thinking much, you scooted closer, wrapping an arm around him. His body tensed for half a second before he melted against you, burying his face into your chest with a heavy sigh.

"Everything's gonna be okay…" you murmured, resting your chin on top of his head.

Dean huffed a quiet breath, his eyes slipping shut. "Hope so. Kinda tired of being a little bitch."

You smirked, curling into him. "Kinda? Babe, I love you, but today was tragic."

Dean let out a low groan, burying his face in your chest. "Ugh. Never living this down, am I?"

"Not a chance." You grinned, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "Sam's gonna be the easy part. Beware of your girl. I'm never gonna let go of your Pinkie-Pie-Phobia."

Dean stiffened in your arms, pulling back just enough to squint at you. "The hell is a Pinkie Pie?"

You grinned. "The pink pony you were terrified of."

Dean blinked, then recoiled like you just slapped him with the word. "You're tellin' me that thing— that creepy, serial-killer-smiling thing— has a name?"

"Oh, they all have names."

"Jesus Christ." He rubbed a hand down his face, looking like he aged ten more years. "Of course, they do."

You bit back another laugh, deciding to push your luck. "Pinkie Pie's actually really sweet. She's good to her friends, throws a lot of parties—"

"I don't care! What if she's got hobbies? That doesn't make her less terrifying." he said, voice hoarse but full of indignation, "also that little demon horse does not deserve the 'Pie' title."

You blinked at him, then let out a wheezy laugh. "Wait— what?"

"You heard me! Pie is warm. Pie is good. That thing? That thing is a menace. She ain't worthy of the name."

You clamped a hand over your mouth to keep from wheezing. "Dean, oh my God."

"I’m serious, Y/N!" He huffed and clung to you tighter. "That thing looks like it was made in a lab specifically to drive people insane. Don't trust her. Nobody's that happy all the time without something sinister going on."

You were crying now. Actually crying. "Dean Winchester, you absolute menace. You're literally beefing with a cartoon pony."

Dean scoffed. "Damn right I am. And I'm winning."

Before you could inform him that no, he was absolutely not winning against a fictional pink horse, his phone buzzed on the nightstand.

You unlocked the screen and, and behold, Sam's name lit up in a new text.

Sammy : Ghost's toast. You're good, stop being a wuss now 👍🏻

Sammy : Bobby says you owe him beer

Sammy : Y/N, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid while readjusting to normal life

You smirked, nudging Dean. "You're free. No more ghost sickness. Your dignity, however, is long gone."

Dean perked up immediately. "Wait— seriously?!" He snatched the phone, scanning the message like he expected you to be lying. His whole body sagged in relief. "Oh, thank God."

"See? Told you everything would be okay." You leaned back against the pillows, stretching with a satisfied sigh.

Dean pushed himself up and —before you could react— hooked his arms under your legs and back, effortlessly scooping you up into his arms bridal style.

"DEAN!" you squeaked, instinctively grabbing onto his shoulders. "What are you—"

"Getting you off your feet," he said simply, carrying you towards the kitchen with steady strides. "You've been fussin' over me all day, and it's my turn to take care of you now."

You blinked up at him, momentarily surprised by the sheer effortlessness of it all. "But I—"

"Nope," he interrupted, giving you a playful squeeze. "You became the mother-hen enough. Now it's time to sit your pretty ass down and enjoy some pie."

Before you could argue, he set you down onto the kitchen counter gently, his hands lingering on your waist. His fingers drummed playfully against your sides. "There. Now, stay."

You squinted at him. "Did you just command me like a dog?"

"Yup." He turned toward the pie, grabbing two forks.

He handed you a fork and plucked a generous bite of pie for himself, moaning dramatically the second it hit his tongue.

"Oh, baby, that's the good stuff." he groaned, swaying slightly like he'd just been spiritually enlightened. "You're an angel, y'know that?"

…

Your fingers stilled on his arm.

"Did you just… Did you just call me an angel?"

Dean squinted. "Yeah? And?"

Your smirk grew. "You hate angels."

Dean groaned, throwing his head back. "Aw, c'mon, Y/N, don't start—"

"You literally go on rants about how much you can't stand them," you continued, grinning now. "You've called them dicks in trench coats, winged bastards, self-righteous flying monkeys— need I go on?"

Dean scrubbed a hand down his face, his fingers dragging down to his jaw like he could physically pull the embarrassment off his skin. "Okay," he grumbled, "that was a figure of speech."

You leaned in, resting your chin on your hand, all faux innocence. "So what you're saying is… I'm a figure of speech angel?"

Dean's eyes narrowed, but the twitch of his lips betrayed him. "You know what, smartass?" He reached over to the nightstand and snatched the half-eaten slice of pie, wielding it like a weapon. "You're gonna eat this and shut it."

Your eyes widened. "Dean—"

But it was too late. He was already shoving a forkful of pie, and before you could dodge, it was in your mouth, sweet and warm and way too good to argue against.

You glared at him, cheeks stuffed like a chipmunk, and he laughed heartly.

"Mmph!" you tried to protest, but your mouth was too full of pie.

Dean grinned all dimples. "What's that, sweetheart? Can't hear you over the sound of deliciousness."

You chewed quickly, swallowing the absurdly large bite with a dramatic gulp. "You're the worst."

"Yeah?" Dean's eyes gleamed mischievously, and before you could blink, he leaned in, lips crashing against yours in a very messy, very pie-flavored kiss. His lips were warm and soft, but the kiss was anything but gentle— sticky and sweet from the pie. You could taste the sugary filling on his tongue, the buttery crust lingering between you as he deepened the kiss, tilting his head to slot his mouth perfectly against yours. His hands slid to your waist, pulling you closer until there was no space left to breathe, not that you needed air when he was kissing you like that. You tangled your fingers in his hair, nails grazing his scalp enough to make him groan, the sound making your heart stutter. When he finally pulled back, both of you breathless and grinning like idiots, his thumb brushed a stray smear of saliva and filling from the corner of your mouth, and without breaking eye contact, he licked it off his thumb with a wink that made your knees weak.

Damn him.

#𐂂 𝄢 syl's fics #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester x reader #supernatural

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gildui · 3 days ago

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the trope where ghost only tolerates you for his pup. too bad the pup's dead. nothing but angst oopsie! OR: another fic where it's ghoap without the 'ap'. all gho and you. good luck.

"you and me," he says and drops silently next to you onto the cold concrete where you sit.

suspended in time, festering.

"ain't made for this, huh."

his voice is all baritone. cataclysmic. he can move the earth with the flex of his chords. and does he.

he knows he's won when he reaches for you and you don't flinch. he ruffles your hair with a gloved palm, mouth crinkling behind the mask.

"dunno what you were thinkin', bird."

you didn't either. hoping that you'd make it work—make him work. but he's always been unapproachable. stalwart. barbed wire and fences meters high.

you cross your ankles tighter, tuck your face between bent knees and shrivel inward.

"johnny's not the one for ya," ghost's voice rumbles like an impending storm and you sigh at even the mention of his name.

he's never been this chatty before, always looking at you like you were secondary. derelict debris revolving around the sun, obstructing his view. you pull yourself inwards and ignore his magnetism.

maybe, for once, ghost will get the hint.

he never does.

he grunts, knees cracking as he shifts (tectonic plates; the earth settles—a slow promise of how organic life disintegrates without its nutrients) to sit next to you.

"left you too," you say; forlorn, pitiful.

ghost huffs outward in humour. "yeah," he muses, gloved fingers thrumming against his knees.

he hasn't had a moment to relax, hasn't wanted one either.

"least i got to say goodbye."

"what an asshole comment."

"must suck to find out through a text," ghost ignores the way you tighten, head lifting from the halo of your arms, and glare into his side profile. "price didn't even call ya, did he?"

no point in answering when he's always right.

"gaz said it would be right if he did." he's waiting for you the finally break. jabbing at you for weak points—soft spots—because he's got none of his own left.

there was a reason you preferred johnny to them all.

you inhale, bracing yourself.

air tightens moments before the implosion; the promise of ruination. a black hole awaiting its chance to eat and eat and eat—

"musta forgot, yeah?"

when you drop back into your earlier position—knees bent, ankles tucked, your face in your arms—he finally looks at you. defeat.

success.

ghost sucks on his teeth.

it doesn't taste as sacharrine as normal.

"got me still," he says assuredly, but its the promise of a long-dead corpse.

you wonder if this is what it feels like to be suspended in dead space.

at least, you finally know what it's like to be suspended in dark matter. the boötes void. it's never been so promising.

"gonna take good care o'ya, bird."

#simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #ghoap x you #angst

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l0s3rd0wnt0wn · 3 days ago

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YOU ONE OF THEM QUEERS???

Yandere Conner Kent x Weird black!reader

So what if you invited your brother's best friend to watch One Piece with you? He said he never had! What kind of psycho has never watched One Piece? You thought, but then again, the psycho was a test tube baby; he wouldn't know about the amazing run of Disney Channel back in the day, how it used to be, or how hyped everyone was for the Kaido fight with Luffy, or understand the cultural significance of a DBZ movie in theaters. You had to show this little lab rat the greatness of TV. Sure, he knows, but he doesn't know more. I mean, he never rushed home to watch Toonami after school. You had to teach him, and well, your little guinea pig was eager to know. Connor wanted to get closer to you in every way possible—be your best friend, be your favorite superhero, maybe even boyfriend if you catch the hints he's dropping. No, he doesn't just want to play Smash Bros; he wants you guys to be more than tag team buddies, but you'll only see him as something friendly. He calls you "babe," and you hit him with a "bro," you're breaking the poor boy's heart. He holds your waist; you think it's just a friendly gesture. He leans his head on your shoulder, smelling the cocoa butter you spread in your dreads and how it sticks to anything he wears. But to you, "Awe, the little guinea pig is sleepy," you teased, and this was the night you invited him over to the mansion. I mean, there's literally an entertainment room; it would be a shame not to watch the best story created by my man on a freaking projector!

"Wow, you're early; the popcorn ain't even poppin'!" you joked, a coy little smile on your face.

"I like being on time, babe," he smirked back, entering the mansion. "Hey, no boots, mister! This floor is hardwood, and I know you walk around in mud!" you warned, but there was still a playful edge to it.

“Ugh, babe, buy me a drink first before you see my feet!” Conner said with a big grin, and you made a fake gagging sound, causing the two of you to laugh. You took him by the hand and pulled him to the entertainment room.

"So how far are you in One Piece?" you asked. You forced him to watch it, but you couldn't call it force, because he watches it with you, telling him to listen and obey whatever you say. "Don't watch the movie; it's a waste of money." He was looking forward to it, but if you hate it, he hates it too. "Yuck, I hate the comic writer; he retcons almost everything if he can't fit it into a plot." If it's that bad, he won't read their comics.

"This fandom is pretty toxic, but come on, the merch is amazing! I mean, look at these MHA pins; they're too cute!" If you like those pins on your bag so much, then he'll wear a Todoroki pin on his leather jacket to make you smile.

You sat with Conner in the theater; it was the whole Cake Island arc. You were already on Wano, but Conner was new to the game, so you didn't mind going a couple of arcs back for him. His head was laid gently on your shoulder; you felt him sniff you and nuzzle his nose into your neck, which made you giggle.

"Dude, quit staring in. Try to pay attention; this is important for later arcs," you always say, but you're way more important to him.

"You say that every time," Conner huffed.

"Cause it is!" you gave a half-hearted laugh.

You looked down at him, and for some reason, the glowing light of the projector made you look stunning. The blue light cascading on your dark skin made you look so surreal, as if you weren't from this planet.

"Come on, Conner, just pay attention for a minute. I promise it'll be worth your while," you said softly. It felt so intimate, like you guys were in an actual movie theater, and you were like.

"Shhh, baby! We can't make out right now; the fight scene is happening." You're such a dense dork, but oh, it just makes it even better.

"Yeah, I'll pay attention." News flash: he won't. He'll be too busy staring at you and how your face lights up during the fights. His super hearing means he'll still listen, but he'd rather watch you, and maybe later he'll watch a YouTube video explaining the arc.

"God, I wish I were as cool as Sanji. He looks so wicked in that red cape! You know, you should really get a cape like that. I know your whole thing is leather jackets, but come on, you have to try out red. Plus, I heard it makes a person's eyes..." You trailed off as you turned to look at Conner, who had his full attention on you, and, God, it made you blush a slight purple.

"Shit, I'm rambling again. I know you don't want to hear me yap. Good, I feel like such a skeeze-"

"No, you're not," he said softly but firmly. It made you giggle like a schoolgirl.

"What?~" you said, nervously

"I like your voice a lot, baby." Now, when he says it like that, it doesn't feel like a cute little nickname he came up with.

"And I like it especially when you talk about shit you like. You're so passionate about it; you don't see that with regular people. You're so genuine," he continues, getting closer. You turn away, covering your face. God, you're such a dork. He just wants to take you right here and now, but that would be unlawful.

"So what, you think I'm cool or something?" You laughed with a half-hearted smirk.

"I think you're amazing, babe," he answered, grabbing your face to look at him, and you laughed, covering your mouth with your hand. This made Conner laugh too.

"I'm trying to be smooth, and you're laughing at me!" Conner chuckled.

"Smooth? Yeah, right! You're as smooth as the acne on my forehead!" Then you both burst out laughing, your foreheads connecting. "Goofy-ass motherfucker!" you said in between giggles.

"Come on, baby, you know I've moved some; they say I've got rizz~" You pushed Test Baby to the side, snorting.

"Who the hell lied to your bum ass?" you snickered.

"No one!" He protested.

"Uh-huh," you pulled yourself closer to him, wrapping your long arms around his neck. "You have no game."

"You just don't want to admit I'm cooler than you," he quipped.

"In your clone dreams," you snapped playfully.

"You're in my cloned dreams," he said, your face getting uncomfortably close; it made you laugh.

"That shit was corny as hell," and you and Conner giggled some more; he felt your touch ever so gently.

"Can I?"

"Can you?"

He then pressed his lips to yours, and Conner could have sweated as he ascended to another state of being. Your lips tasted like buttered popcorn and cheap soda—something he loved more than anything, especially if that flavor was you. He pulled you closer, his hands wrapping around your slim waist. Your hand was now placed on his cheek as you felt him slowly start to get on top of you, and you let him. And shit, who cares if you're kissing your brother's best friend? He should have called dibs by now.

You gasp for air, but Conner doesn't let you recover. He presses his lips against you hard this time, passionately. He has kissed a whole ton of people before, which gives him the experience you lack. You feel him suck on your tongue, and you whimper just a little, shivering. Is this how it feels to kiss? ‘Cause if it is, God fucking bless! You feel his gloved hand reach underneath your Wonder Man hoodie. You grab his arm and pull away. He hears the great Superboy whine like a puppy, and it makes you snicker just a little. Your hand that was on his cheek moves to his now swollen lips.

"Kon, pay attention; this part is important. This is when Luffy fights Katakuri, and we get to see his Devil Fruit," you whispered against his lips. Da fuck? You stopped good kissing and touching for an anime fight??

Your lucky he thinks your hot.

(Made this one while listening to chapple roan God I love that little lesbian)

#dc x reader #batfamily x neglected reader #yandere batboys #x black reader #weird!reader #conner kent #conner kent x reader #yandere conner kent #reader just like me fr!!#black!reader #yandere batfamily

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ballroomblitzzzz · 16 hours ago

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So I've been doing a lot of thinking recently, about wicked, because of course it's about wicked.

Specifically Glinda and her relationship to sorcery. (Hold tight this one's gonna be a whole ass essay) I find it interesting that the film really tries to make it clear that she has, not just little power, but none at all.

Because in the book she does have magic! Like there's this great scene where her, Nessa and Elphaba are talking about sorcery and she explodes a sandwich in their faces to prove a point.

This isn't relevant at all I just really like the scene. Point is, book Glinda's magic ain't too shabby. And in the musical (unfortunately I've only seen it once so apologies if I've read this wrong) I kinda saw it as she did have magic, but just didn't really get good at it before act 2. But in the film it's clear she doesn't have any. Like in NOMTW she pushes a pedal to make the bubble instead of using her wand, similar to how the wizard uses mechanics to fake sorcery. So why is it different? I hear you ask.

Well my curious child, I'll come to that in a minute (promise) right NOW I wanna talk about why Glinda wants magic in the first place.

And this is something that's had me stumped for a while, I mean it's not like she needs it. She can easily get whatever she wants from social manipulation, and yet it's still her heart's desire to become a sorceress.

And it's SUCH a big part of her character that couldn't just go around not being able to answer that question now could I?? And guys I think I figured it out.

So she's always been jealous of Elphaba, right? Right. And the thing about Elphaba that she envies, is that she's powerful without having to rely on other people. Glinda doesn't have that. She gets to the top because people like her. She said it herself, 'its not about aptitude it's the way you're viewed'. She knows the way to truly succeed is to make sure that you're liked. And she's very good at that, so she doesn't need sorcery, and YET she wants it. And to me this proves that Glinda hates the reason that she's liked. She wants people to love her for what she can do, not for the shallow persona she presents. She wants to have a power all to herself. She doesn't want to need people. She wants to be the kind of person who hops on a broom and overthrows the government at the drop of a hat (pun intended) but that's not who she is.

Of course she doesn't go with Elphaba. Elphaba can be strong on her own but without the public on her side Glinda is powerless.

And just think it's soooo fucking interesting how Elphaba and Glinda's different kinds of power can be seen as just another metaphor for their sense of self. Because Elphaba has had to trust herself, to have a strong enough identity to know that she's better than what people say. But Glinda's entire identity and self worth are tied to what people think of her, she's only as good as people say.

So of course she doesn't go with her.

But here's where she changes (for good hehe). And of course, it's down to Elphaba. Because Elphaba has always believed that Glinda is powerful outside of other people. And, back to sorcery now because yes that is what I started talking about, it's Elphaba who invites her to sorcery class, it's Elphaba who asks Glinda to come and meet the wizard with her, it's Elphaba who asks her to come with her in defying gravity and (SPOILERS FOR PART TWO!!) its Elphaba who gives her the Grimerie. Because Elphaba has always believed Glinda was strong even when she wasn't.

Glinda always wanted to be a sorceress but it was only Elphaba who had faith that she could do it. And this is what makes Elphaba giving her the Grimerie so symbolic and so, so fucking sad. Because Elphaba's showing her that she's better she thinks, she just going like 'hey, you got this'. And srhstjdyfkvhlvukflyyc. And so the way Glinda's viewed doesn't change at all, but the way she sees herself does, and so don't mind me while I go cry in a corner.

And you know maybe all this was obvious to literally everybody who watched the film and I've just mansplained lesbianism to everyone but I just really needed to write this down because I've been going insane about the power dynamics and I can't shut up about it.

But dude these characters are all so complex I just wanna peel them all like onions, but oh boy does it make my eyes water.

#wicked film #AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #galinda upland #glinda the good #glinda upland #gelphie #elphaba thropp #wicked

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nthngtoseehere-blog · 2 days ago

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After I recovered from the scene on the bleachers(?) where Fadel told Style leave him so he wouldn't go the way of Fadel's previous boyfriend (Fadel's tears broke my heart, and Style was so soft with him, JoongDunk nailed this scene), I thought about how Style told him that if he was scared, he'd have run when he found out Fadel was a hitman.

And, he almost did? Kind of? In the gym, after they'd agreed to be boyfriends and then Kant dropped the hitman bomb on Style, Style kept trying to keep distance from Fadel. He was twitchy, and obviously nervous and afraid. Fadel read it as Style having changed his mind, and you could see Style struggling with that - should he take the out and break up, get a safe distance between them? Because Fadel gave him a chance to ditch.

Gifs by @nick-nellson

Style doesn't take it, but he was still afraid, still leaning away from the whole boyfriend thing.

Until Fadel says they aren't real boyfriends, they're in a trial period. And Style's face does this:

You can practically hear his brain going, "oh ho, is that a challenge? You're really telling this gorgeous face that we aren't real boyfriends yet?"

So basically Style didn't break up with him not because he was especially attached at that point, but out of sheer cussedness.

Style being unable to turn down a challenge is the only reason they actually had the chance to truly grow close and fall in love.

Which I love. Style is exactly the kind of person Fadel needs - arrogant, full of himself, sexy, forward, mouthy, passionate, and, when it matters, soft and caring. No one else would have the perseverance to keep poking at Fadel's walls until they cracked. No one else would stick with him so confidently when things got dangerous.

I am thinking waaaay too much about this show and the characters. But it's so good.

#the heart killers #fadelstyle

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thecouncil-aac · 13 hours ago

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((Putting here because of how it relates to our psychosis and other reasons for using AAC))

Answered by Ace

1. Not great. There are times when we are decently articulate, but we are steadily losing our ability to speak/speak well. When we can use words (as opposed to when we can make no sounds, and when we can only use sounds/grunts/huffs), the words get mixed up - the order is wrong, the sounds are wrong, we drop words/sounds/letters, we can only use one/two words at a time, we can't remember the right word/word we're meaning, ect

2. We're learning how to use AAC (hence this blog) so that we can communicate no matter how our speech is. We're not the best, but we can more or less get our point across

3. Traditional therapy (specialty for dissociative disorders and trauma), psychiatry (medication management for... a shit ton of disorders tbh), just signed up for speech therapy today! first appointment is on the 14th, and we are looking into something for physical disability support (next rheumatologist appointment is in March) EDIT no speech therapy, speech therapist advice Council work independently on AAC instead

4. We were in advances classes growing up. We took college and advanced placement classes in high school, and were part of independent study groups through elementary to high school (don't know the official terms, but they pulled us out of certain classes at regular times to work on different projects than what was being worked on by our peers)

5. Chicken nuggets, fries (potatoes in most forms tbh), chips, cereal

6. ADHD, psychosis, anxiety, depression, cPTSD, ect - we have a lot of problems tbh

7. Able physically do things on own, but need help remembering do them - prompts for eats/drinks, reminder need use restroom, showers are on schedule, ect. On bad pain days, need physical help do things - make food, clean after self, ect. Never able drive, so need help that, stores not go by self

8. Not know (dissociative amnesia, not remember childhood well)

9. We're not diagnosed. We've always had problems related to being autistic, but it was simply attributed to us just being "a little weird". We didn't realize we were autistic until we left for college and met other autistic people and realized "oh shit, this isn't just us being weird, there's an actual reason we're like this?"

10. Yes, Ace partner is official caregiver, and Ace mother unofficial caregiver

11. Support for physical disability, makes hard, hopes can get mobility aid

12. We're still in university, so we're a student and not working... but we are struggling with classes at the moment (unrelated to autism)... with our worsening psychosis, we're unsure of if we'll be able to work after we graduate (...if we graduate)

13. Unpopular opinion, but everyone is different and has different needs - it's unfair to judge someone by someone else's standards; everyone deserves respect, kindness, and acceptance

14. I can't really imagine not being autistic? I don't know what'd we'd do if we weren't autistic... maybe attend a faire or something, enjoy it without having to worry about sensory issues we usually do

15. We/the core/the body actually developed earlier than typical - we walked, talked, ect at a higher level sooner than our peers

Autism ask game!!

1. What does your ability to speak look like?

2. What does your overall issues with communication look like?

3. What type of therapies do you do if any? Or are trying to get?

4. What did your education look like?

5. What is your safe food if you have any?

6. Do you have any comorbid disabilities?

7. What are your support needs?

8. What did your support needs look like growing up?

9. What is your story of how you got diagnosed?

10. Do you have a carer?

11. What support are you hoping to get?

12. Are you able to work?

13. What is an unpopular opinion about something discuses in the autism community you have?

14. Is there anything you would do if you were not autistic/did not have all of your support needs?

15. How did your development look like growing up? Did you have developmental delays?

#thecouncil aac #aac user #autistic aac user #autistic #autism #ask game

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moonjellysfeast · 20 hours ago

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My Own Galatea- Crybaby x Top Male Reader Cont.

cw; Manipulation, abuse, unethical science, dehumanization, murder plotted but not described, minor hornt at the end, you answer a call while fucking, Crybaby is @yanderefarm's character

Of course, you weren't only there to train Crybaby into an obedient weapon. Elias needed a gentle touch too and as soon as he stopped remembering what he did as the other persona he was ready to be trained in a new way. After all, you planned to bring Elias home and make him yours.

"Elias, please come here" He refused to move due to his earlier training, "You know you can trust me, right? We're friends, you can listen to me"

"But... only Crybaby listens... Right?"

"Oh, lovely, no. Crybaby obeys because he is a conduit, You ought to listen of your own choice. Because we are friends, Elias. Because I want you to" You smiled at the boy who looked like a kicked puppy even as you repeated your request and he scrambled to kneel in front of you and rest his head on your lap.

"Good, thank you, my sweet" You pet his head, letting the gentleness be his reward.

"I'm so glad we're so close now, when we first met I had to be so... careful with you" You laced your fingers through his hair as you spoke, soon wrapping the locks around your fingers to pull his head up at an uncomfortable angle to ensure he was looking up at your grin. "Now you're so malleable~"

He whined a bit at the strain in his neck but made no move to escape, in fact, leaning into your touch and staring up at you with adoration. You had to stifle a laugh at how pathetic he looked, the perfect little puppet for you to toy with. So eager to please that anything could bring him immense pleasure if it were from you. This included the torture he underwent to make him a perfect warrior.

When you could not be the one to administer his treatments he had to be restrained as Crybaby to ensure your Elias would stay sweet and to help him learn to be angry and more aggressive as Crybaby. If it was you, he only had to be restrained to keep himself from pushing the tools further into himself and ruining his body. It was bad enough that you were very soon only permitted to give him injections or other, less torture focused treatments. Though, you made sure to get recordings of his torture so you knew every single thing that was happening to him, as well as to entertain yourself in times where you missed his big wet eyes.

Eventually, you decided he needed a test run to ensure he could kill efficiently. You even had a victim in mind, one of the other scientists in the building who worked with him often and yet still seemed to believe they had moral superiority over you. They always looked at you with disgust and often commented on the fact you were a darling, seeming to believe the gene made you subhuman. To guide Crybaby in the correct direction you complained a few times to him about that person, even showing him pictures so he could recognize them. You knew if he were to simply focus on killing them he'd likely be taken out by the security, so to keep him safe you told him about your usual trip home so he could have a second goal and not let himself die.

You reasoned that if it didn't work you could likely find someone else to train into a perfect doll, though you had put so much work into Elias, you couldn't say you weren't worried. You finally determined he was ready and told him very directly that you wished for the death of your coworker before you went home for the day. You did not get to see exactly what happened, sitting at home and waiting for either a masked, blood soaked puppet or a message from your boss on the death or major injury of Crybaby.

After a few hours, you became very concerned, imagining his death at the hands of some stupid guard, so far from you. Finally a gentle knock came from the door before it opened and he stumbled in, dropping to his knees and bowing down towards you like he was praying. You couldn't help but grin as you lifted his head and peeled the mask off, the adorable, tear stricken face looking up at you with baited breath, awaiting his next order.

"Very good job, Crybaby~ You finally came home~ Now, Elias, let's get you cleaned up and in bed, You deserve a reward, don't you~"

He was now ready to be trained as your housepet, at your beck and call. This portion of training would be so much easier, he was already prepared to be obedient, he only needed to be guided. As it turned out, he also needed to be subdued as he was far too excited to receive your attention. You didn't even have the chance to pull out of him when your boss called to explain that he'd escaped. You did answer and she did hear him very loudly whining about your attention being away from him for even a moment. Suffice to say, you got to keep him in your home most of the time after that.

#top male reader #top reader #sub yandere #on the platter #on the platter(appetizer)#I'm not nearly as happy with this half #but que sera sera #If bunny doesn't like it I'll rewrite it better

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airenyah · 11 hours ago

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A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 10

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9)

Would you look at that, I'm finally making it before the new episode again. Can you believe. Also, when I started writing this at first I thought that this one wasn't gonna be as long as my recent ones this time, but no. It's still at over 10k words. Oops. Someone shut me up.

HAVE FUN <3

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: After a turbulent roadtrip through the country, Style finally has his boyfriend back. Yay.

No. 1: Goodbyes

(Ok yes I am cheating with this section cover pic bc I stole it from the official THK twitter account instead of taking a screenshot directly from the episode as I usually do, but I'm just upset that we never got to see Fadel grab Style in the actual episode and so I'm commemorating it here, bye <3)

Their little island getaway is over and the hitmen drop their normie-boyfriends off at Style's place. Fadel reminds Style to change the bandage regularly and Style asks if they're not gonna be spending the night together and I'm already crying, because I'm already reminded of episode 6 only two lines into the new episode. Back in episode 6 Fadel was going on a mission and Style wanted him to stay the night so bad and back then Style couldn't even tell Fadel that he was fully aware of where Fadel was going and what Fadel was doing. Now in episode 10 everyone is aware of everything and yet Fadel still won't spend the night before the mission with Style. Style isn't happy about it, but accepts Fadel's decision without an argument. He does ask Fadel to call him and keep him updated, though. And again I cry as I remember how last time Fadel went on his mission, Style didn't hear from Fadel for an entire week and was worried sick about him. Style doesn't wanna go through that very same experience again. Fadel agrees to call and keep him updated, but then immediately also says that they shouldn't be in touch for a while for safety reasons. Style nods unhappily.

Then the hitmen drive off and the normie-boyfriends are left staring sullenly after the jeep. Kant is back to his usual pessimistic self, asking "Why do I have a feeling that we won't see them again?" This time even Style is too worried to act as the optimistic counterpart. Instead, Kant's comment clearly stresses him out and he scolds Kant not to jinx it. Style looks down and Kant puts a comforting arm around his shoulder. There isn't much they can do apart from waiting it out.

No. 2: When Will Our Husbands Return From War

As if the episode 6 callbacks from the first scene weren't enough, Style and Kant are now back at the restaurant where we saw them in episode 6, too. Back then, the brothers were just about to go on their mission and Style and Kant couldn't stop them, because they couldn't exactly tell them that they knew about their plans. This time around, the brothers already are on their mission, and despite everyone being aware of everything, Style and Kant still failed to stop them. Kant especially is quite irked by this as he goes on a rant. Style agrees, and while he's not exactly happy about the situation, he still seems to be taking it fairly well considering the circumstances. Or at least he seems to be dealing with it a little better than Kant is in that moment. Style does suggest Kant does a little sniffing around to see what their boyfriends are up to, but Kant reminds him that he already knows exactly what their boyfriends are doing. The problem isn't that Style and Kant don't know what Fadel and Bison are off doing, the problem is that they couldn't convince Fadel and Bison not to do it. Kant certainly couldn't stop Bison and he's convinced Fadel wouldn't listen to Style either. Style realizes that Kant is right. As much as they both hate it, in the end there isn't much the two of them can do except to wait for their husbands to return from war.

No. 3: Let Me Help

Let me just say, considering how similar both of the FadelStyle and the KantBison reunions are, I think that before Style and Kant left the restaurant in the above scene they did come up with a plan that wasn't just "let's wait for our husbands to return from war". And I think the plan is: "instead of sitting around, if we can't keep them from going on their mission, then let's get them to let us help them by acting pouty and grumpy so that they'll agree to take us along on their mission". Because both the KantBison as well as the FadelStyle scene have the normie-boyfriends acting upset only to end with them asking to help. However, I'm not sure Style actually needs to do a whole lot of acting here. Because I think he has valid reasons to be legitimately upset with Fadel.

Also, there's been debate about whether a time skip happened or not, and personally I'm leaning towards team time skip, because Style's gunshot wound is nothing but a band-aid by this point. Although, to be fair the injuries didn't seem to be a big deal when they were playing frisbee in the ocean either, so who knows with the healing times in this show. Might as well have been just a day or two that has passed 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, the scene starts with Fadel grabbing Style out of nowhere and shoving him into something. This is the third time this has happened over the course of the series and the fourth time in total that Fadel has ambushed Style from behind. Style is genuinely startled and I do wonder if Style re-lived that trauma of having been drugged and abducted at the hospital for a second there when Fadel grabbed Style's mouth like that. It genuinely scares Style for a moment and this would already be the first reason he has to be upset with Fadel in this scene, if we're already counting that. Because as much as he loves Fadel and even if he doesn't hold it against him at all, getting ambushed, drugged, abducted, tied up and held at gunpoint is quite a traumatic string of events to go through and I like to think that it left at least some subconscious marks on Style. He was also startled in the locker room (episode 2) and in the greenhouse (episode 4), but in both scenes, which both happened pre-abduction, his heart didn't nearly stop the way it does now (first of all, he explicitly tells Fadel "You scared me" and second of all, it's also in the heavy breathing. His breathing is much calmer in the other two scenes).

Fadel apologizes and Style is confused as to why Fadel is even here without a heads-up, because "Didn't you say we needed to stay away for a while?" Fadel explains "I can't help thinking about you" and.... well, in Thai he's actually more specific than that:

I'm worried about you. ก็กูเป็นห่วงมึงอ่ะ [gôh - guu - bpen hùuang - mueng - àh] well - I - be worried (about), be concerned (about) - you - [particle]

Fadel worries about Style and he immediately proves it when he continues to ask about Style's wound. Style tell him the wound doesn't hurt anymore, but "My heart hurts more". Style is really snappy and I think some of that anger is certainly played up to reach his goal, but I do think it comes from a genuine place as he explains a bit later: "You hurt my feelings. I thought you trusted me. You know I know everything, but still you push me away." And let me just...

I'm hurt that you don't trust me. น้อยใจนะเว้ย ที่มึงไม่ไว้ใจกู [nói-jai - ná - wóiie • tîi - mueng - mâi - wái-jai - guu] hurt, upset, offended - [particle] - [particle] • that - you - not - trust - me Official subs: You hurt my feelings. I thought you trusted me.

Style is much more direct in Thai and he's actually accusing Fadel here. It's not just "I was under the impression that you trusted me now, but apparently I was wrong and the fact that I was wrong hurts me", it's actually "You are still not willing to trust me after everything and your distrust hurts me". And I think Style is right to feel upset about that. The two of them have been through so much at this point and Style has proven over and over again that he is worthy of Fadel's trust, but even now that there are no lies, no acts between them anymore, Fadel still won't trust him 100%. When Style's worked so hard to regain Fadel's trust the past two episodes. Style himself has been all in since episode 4 (he told him as much in the "be my boyfriend" scene) and I think it hurts Style that the person he loves won't return the same trust on an equal level. Especially when Style was literally here trusting Fadel even through the constant death threats, down to the moments where Fadel actually was about to shoot him dead. And yet, Style's trust remained. But Fadel still won't return the favor. Instead, Fadel is just pushing him out of his life again. That may have been a fun challenge for Style in the first couple of episodes, but now that genuinely hurts his feelings as I've already discussed in detail in my ep9 meta as well. Style loves Fadel and he cares about Fadel sooo so much and he just wants to be part of Fadel's life, dammit.

Fadel explains "Well, I'm worried about you.* I don't want you getting caught in the crossfire."

*กูเป็นห่วงมึงไง [guu - bpen hùuang - mueng - ngai] I - be worried (about), be concerned (about) - you - [particle] Official subs: I'm doing this for you.

But Fadel's worry still doesn't solve Style's issue of feeling like Fadel doesn't trust him and it still doesn't solve Style's issue of Fadel not letting Style participate in his life and it still doesn't solve the issue of Style explicitly asking Fadel to call him and to keep him updated and then Fadel just turning off his phone: "So you'd rather I wonder whether you're dead or alive? You think that'll make me happy?"

Style has been through this before. Last time Fadel went on a mission to kill Ruerat, he went completely MIA for an entire week and Style spent that week worried sick about him, stopping by the restaurant every single day (it's canon to me, idc idc). That week really wasn't fun for Style and neither was the time he's spent waiting this time around. Style hates the idea of their relationship to continue like this for the next foreseeable future. He doesn't wanna spend his life waiting to see if his loved ones live or die. Style has been through this before, and not just in episode 6, but also in his past as @nabi-unveiled points out: Style lost his mother to cancer and so he's familiar with the feeling of having to wait it out while not knowing how it will end. And back then, it ended in his mother's death. He doesn't want to go through this again. Style is legitimately upset and angry now and he voices his feelings in the most Style way possible: "It hurts more than getting shot."

And all that Fadel has to say on that? Is:

Can you not be so dramatic? มึงอย่าเวอร์ได้ป่ะ [mueng - yàa - wer - dâai - bpà] you - not, don't - be dramatic, exaggerate - can, be able to - ? Official subs: You’re so dramatic.

Fadel actually uses the slang term เวอร์ [wer] which I actually already went over in my ep3 meta. One of my irl-friends explained it to me a few months ago and I don't remember her exact wording (it was an oral conversation while we were out and about, not a written one) but she told me it comes from the English word "over" and it is used in the context of indicating that someone is being too much in the sense of someone is overdoing something (someone is doing/saying something that is "over" the level that the situation calls for). This article translates this slang term as "exaggerate" or "overstate" or "overreact". I'm going with "dramatic" for some consistency, since we've heard that in the series before.

"Can you not be so dramatic? (Can you not exaggerate/overreact/overdo it)?" Fadel asks and Style is offended at that request:

You always claim I'm dramatic. มึงก็หาว่ากูเวอร์ตลอดอ่ะ [mueng - gôh - hăa wâa - guu - wer - dtà-lòt - àh] you - [sentence link] - accuse of, claim - "over", exaggerate, overdo - always - [particle] Official subs: You love calling me that.

Yeah, Style actually repeats the slang term, so literally, when Fadel asks "Can you not 'wer'?", Style replies "You always claim I 'wer'."

This is funny, because I quickly skipped through all the FadelStyle scenes at 2x speed (no time for a proper rewatch if I have any hope of publishing this before ep11 drops) and if I didn't miss any, there were exactly two (2) instances of Fadel using เวอร์ [wer]. One of them I already discussed in my ep3 meta: when Style helps Fadel work at the diner in the scene where Fadel comes out to offer Style a burger he says "Don't 'wer'" when Style goes "You like me now, don't you?" The other instance is in episode 7 at the hospital when Style is really worried about Fadel's well-being, Fadel also tells him not to "wer". Other times when the subtitles have Fadel say something about drama, he actually uses the word ดราม่า which is literally the word "drama" transliterated in Thai letters. He uses it in the same episode 3 scene from above when he says "Don't be dramatic" after Style laments being exploited and he also uses the word "drama" when he tells Style to stop being dramatic when Style is crying in episode 8.

Either way, Fadel's words hurt Style. It hurts him that Fadel isn't taking his feelings seriously and instead undermines them. And so he tells Fadel: "If you really believe that, just go." I actually wanna share two other possible translations/interpretations of the line:

If that's the only way you think, then just go.

If you think nothing but that, then just go.

ถ้ามึงคิดแต่อย่างเงี่ย มึงก็ไปเลย [tâa - mueng - kít - dtàe - yàang ngîia • mueng - gôh - bpai - loiie] if - you - think - nothing but, only - like this, this way • you - then - go - [particle for emphasis]

And again, even if it is a ploy to get their boyfriends to yield, I think Style is legitimately angry about this. Because Style wants to be taken seriously in this relationship. Style also has feelings and he wants Fadel to take his feelings as seriously as Style takes Fadel's feelings. And he certainly doesn't wanna be told "you feelings don't matter" or "you're exaggerating" or "this is not a big deal". Only two episodes ago Fadel asked Style "You think that you deceiving me wasn't a big deal?" and Style took his anger seriously and acknowledged that what he did to Fadel was, in fact, a big deal. Now Style is the upset one and instead of Fadel taking him seriously or acknowledging Style's hurt in any way, again Style only gets told to stop overdoing it. And it's happened a couple of times. Back in episode 4 when Style was upset about getting nailed-and-bailed, instead of taking Style's hurt seriously Fadel took him out in the woods and nearly killed him (and then it actually ended with Style being the one comforting Fadel, even though Style was initially the upset one). It happened again in episode 8 when Style was crying himself to sleep and all he got from Fadel was "stop being dramatic" (Style doesn't know Fadel nearly broke and even if Fadel almost comforted him after all it doesn't change the fact that in the end, Fadel didn't, and Style still went to through the experience of crying himself to sleep uncomforted that night). And it's happening again now, where Style is legitimately upset and Fadel just undermines his feelings, telling him he's exaggerating. Style has a dramatic way of phrasing things, that's true, but it doesn't make his feelings any less real or any less important than Fadel's. And if it's always Style taking Fadel seriously and being there for him and offering him comfort, but then in return Style gets left hanging... Well, that's not the kind of relationship Style wants to have.

He wants a relationship on equal footing and what's more, in addition to Fadel not taking Style's hurt seriously, if Fadel keeps Style out of his life he might as well just not date Style at all. Because he can't just say he's Style's boyfriend and then not even participate or let Style participate in this relationship. Either Fadel is in for this relationship or he's out, but if he's out then that relationship is off, because again, that's not the kind of relationship that Style wants to have.

Style very firmly tells Fadel:

Really, go. No need to come back again. ไปจริงๆ ไม่ต้องกลับมาอีก [bpai - jing jing • mâi dtông - glàp maa - ìik] go - really, for real • no need - come back, return - again Official subs: Go, and don't come back.

The choice is Fadel's now: either Fadel starts taking Style's feelings seriously and starts taking Style's needs into consideration or Fadel can continue to keep Style out of his life, in which case Style will also keep Fadel out of his own life. In other words, they'll be over. Because this is not going to be just a one-sided relationship. Style isn't having that, no matter how much Style loves Fadel. He shoves Fadel and walks away.

Fadel catches Style's wrist. And I kinda love that, because last episode we had Fadel walking off grumpily and Style catching his wrist and pulling him back to make up with him and now we have Style walking off angrily and this time around Fadel has to make an effort to stop Style and to make up with him. And so Fadel grabs Style, pulls him back and tells him "I don't want to lose you". Yeah, exactly. Neither does Style. That's exactly what Style is so angry about right now. Because at the end of the day his anger boils down to him not wanting to lose Fadel. And now he finally gets to say what he's been meaning to say since the start: "That's why you need to let me help you." Fadel goes through a whole range of emotions while Style watches him, waiting. There is only one correct answer and Fadel knows it. And Style knows that Fadel knows it.

No. 4: Team Meeting

It worked. The hitmen brothers both agreed to let their normie-boyfriends help on their mission. Style is absolutely delighted and stoked about this, because he's fully back to confidently dropping flirty lines at any possible opportunity he gets. Fadel asks "Are you sure you want to do this?" and without missing a beat Style goes "Hell yeah. When I'm in, I'm all in, body and soul." As @clemelntine notes, Style's words parallel his words from when he was talking to Kant in the locker room back in episode 5. And if we take a look at the original wording we can see that this is even more so the case in Thai:

→ Someone like me puts all of their body and all of their heart into everything they do. คนอย่างกูอ่ะ ทำอะไรลงทั้งตัวทั้งใจอยู่แล้ว [kon - yàang - guu - àh • tam - à-rai - long - táng - dtuua - táng - jai - yùu láew] person - like - me - [particle] • do - something - enter (in) - whole, all - body - whole, all - heart, mind, spirit

For comparison, in episode 5 he says:

→ My body is already in it. ตัวก็ลงไปแล้ว [dtua - gôh - long bpai - láew] body - [sentence link] - enter (in) - already Official subs: I compromised my whole body, → And I gotta confess สารภาพเลยนะ [săa-rá-pâap - loiie - ná] confess - [particle for emphasis] - [particle] Official subs: and if we're being honest, → my heart is half in it already as well. ใจกูก็ไปครึ่งหนึ่งแล้วอ่ะ [jai - guu - gôh - bpai - krêung nèung - láew - àh] heart, mind, spirit - mine - also, too - go - one half - already - [particle] Official subs: I've already compromised half of my heart, too.

Five episodes later and it's not just all of Style's body and only half of his heart that is in, but now it's his whole body plus his entire heart that is in and that he also actively puts in. And not just that, his whole body and his whole heart are Fadel's, he's offered it all to Fadel in episode 8:

→ Take all of my cars, all of my body, and all of my heart. เอาไปทั้งรถทั้งตัวแล้วทั้งใจไปเลยนะ [ao bpai - táng - rót - táng - dtuua - láew - táng - jai - bpai - loiie - ná] take (away) - all of - car - all of - body - and - all of - heart, mind, spirit - away - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: Take my cars, my body, my heart.

And now here Style is, announcing without any hesitation that he actively puts his whole body and heart into everything. And what I love about this is that when he's speaking? His facial expression is serious and the tone of his voice is also very firm and determined and rather serious. But as soon as he finishes his sentence you can see just how much he fails to keep a straight, serious "I mean business" face. Style is so overjoyed that Fadel is finally including him and that he finally gets to be by Fadel's side that he can't stop smiling about it.

Fadel thinks Style is just exaggerating again and scolds him: "Don't say that just to be cool." Without missing a beat, Style replies "I'm not saying it to be cool, I'm saying it to be yours." In Thai, this is a pun on เอาเท่ [ao têh] (= "to be cool) and เอาเธอ [ao ter] (= "to get you" in the sense of wanting, taking). Also, pronoun switch! Because in his flirty line Style switches from the rude mueng that he usually uses with Fadel to the much sweeter ter. If you're unfamiliar with Thai pronouns, this is the you-pronoun that is typically used in love songs and many couples like to use it. Actors in CPs will also use this pronoun to tease their partner with a flirty line or joke. Style's deliberate use of ter makes his flirty line sound even flirtier than it already is (and I love that we actually did get a ter drop, because people were speculating about it after one of Dunk's lives this summer where he used "ter" as a pronoun to get across the gist of some scene that his mom helped him run lines for).

Kant announces that he too is all in and that he's qualified because of his past occupations. Style doesn't exactly have a criminal past or anything (as far as we know?), but he's confident in his abilities anyway:

No need to worry about my skills to get through situations smoothly. สกิลความเนียนของกูอ่ะ ไม่ต้องห่วงเลย [skill - kwaam niian - kŏng guu - àh • mâi dtông - hùuang - loiie] skill - smoothness - of me, my - [particle] • no need - worry, be worried - [particle] Official subs: You don't have to worry about me. Otherwise I wouldn't have made you be this crazy about me. ไม่งั้นไม่ทำให้มึงคลั่งรักกูขนาดนี้หรอก [mâi ngán - mâi - tam hâi - mueng - klâng rák - guu - kà-nàat níi - ròk] otherwise - not - make that, cause - you - crazy in love - me - like this, this much - [particle] Official subs: I'm good enough to make this dude fall for me, aren't I?

Yeah. Style has the audacity to say it straight to Fadel's face, not just because he's looking at him, but because he also explicitly addresses Fadel with "you". Gotta love his confidence. Style is truly in the bestest of moods now that he has his boyfriend back by his side and said boyfriend also lets him participate in his life. And again, Style can't stop smiling, especially when Fadel meets his eyes:

And again Fadel thinks that Style is just playing around and tells him off: "Stop joking. This is important to the two of us." But the thing is, Style isn't actually joking. Even if he's in a good mood right now, he still seriously means it when he says:

Your life is my life. ชีวิตมึงอ่ะ เหมือนชีวิตกูเหมือนกันนะเว้ย [chii-wít mueng - àh • mĕuuan - chii-wít guu - mĕuuan gan - ná wóiie] your life - [particle] • like - my life - also - [particle] Official subs: Your life is as important to me as my own.

Fadel is important to Style, no joke. Fadel doesn't have an answer. Bison suggests splitting up in teams to do some snooping and Fadel asks one more time if anyone wants to back off from this mission. He even looks directly at Style when he says "It's not too late to back off." But there is no way that Style is backing off now. As he told (and showed) Fadel last episode, Style is a man of his words. Also, he just wants this whole thing to be over so that he and Fadel don't have to live in fear. Besides, he's also sick of have to keep a distance from Fadel. Style is absolutely determined to be part of this mission, because he himself also has something to gain from it.

Style holds out his hand. One by one the rest puts their hand in, too. Well, except for Fadel. Kant gestures for Fadel to join and Fadel makes a skeptical face. Bison tries to encourage him with words, but it's only when Fadel looks over to Style that he rolls his eyes exasperatedly and also puts his hand in at last. As much as Fadel hates to see Style tag along on this dangerous mission, there is absolutely no way he can convince Style to stay out of it and Fadel knows it. And Style knows that Fadel knows it. He throws Fadel a very happy and pleased smile when Fadel puts his hand in and announces that he can finally have a boyfriend without being afraid of dying. When everyone except Fadel sits back down again, Fadel still looks pretty grumpy. Style grabs his hand and smiles at him encouragingly. And I'm almost offended that he doesn't kiss Fadel's hand when it's right. there. in front of his very lips. How is that not tempting?? I'd kiss that hand if it was my best friend, even, ngl.

No. 5: We're Off on a Secret Mission

Just as agreed in their team meeting, Fadel and Style go after Keen. And of course their mission has to start with them immediately bickering. We wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Fadel rebukes Style for not being inconspicuous enough and I laugh, because even though Style is the least experienced of them all, he still does a better job at it than Known Killer Bison who in a bit will just. STROLL AROUND ON THE GOLF COURSE IN HIS MOTHER'S LINE OF SIGHT????? More or less???? Make it make sense... 🤦‍♀️

Anyway, Style asks Fadel what he knows about Keen and we, too, finally get some insight into what Fadel and Bison's relationship is with Keen exactly. They were adopted together. He's the office guy. They don't actually have much to do with him, nor do they care much about him. Style feels bad for Keen. And somehow that seems right for Style. To me he seems like the kind of guy who'd want people to feel included. But then Fadel informs Style that this exact pitiful guy was the one who tried to kill them. Nevermind. Fuck this guy. Pity is out, revenge is in. Style wants to get back at him. But Fadel asks him: "What are you gonna do? Shoot him?"

Guys!! If you remember, in my ep9 meta I was wondering if all the references to Style with a gun (here's a collection, if you didn't read my ep7 and ep8 meta) was foreshadowing to Style getting shot in the store to help Fadel. But no. After a little break in episode 9, our Style + guns counter is back. We're at 6. And with Fadel asking "Can you even kill people?", in addition to wondering if Style will be shooting someone in the future, I am now also wondering if Style will not only shoot, but potentially also kill someone in the last two episodes (actually, I have been wondering if Style will kill someone since all the way back in episode 6, when Fadel told Style he needed to blend in, but then I was like nah, I don't think the show will go this dark, but he MAY at least injure someone with a gun. But now ep10 has me back on my wait, will Style ACTUALLY be KILLING someone??? bullshit dgfkjdkjgdgfk).

But for now, when asked about his capabilities of killing anyone Style just sits and re-thinks Fadel's words.

Fadel is right. Style isn't as ruthless as Fadel. Style isn't a killer at heart. On the contrary, actually, with the way he always tries to mediate just because he wants everyone involved in the incident to come to as little harm as possible. Style is even self-aware of the fact that he prefers to keep people out of trouble, he explicitly comments on it in episode 3:

I'm just a good looking young man who doesn't want anyone to get into trouble. ผมก็แค่ชายหนุ่มหน้าตาดีที่ไม่อยากให้ใครมีเรื่องกัน [pŏm - gôh - kâe - chaai nùm nâa dtaa dii - tîi - mâi - yàak - hâi - krai - mii rêuuang gan] I - [sentence link] - just - good-looking young man - who - not - want - that, for - anyone - get in trouble Official subs: I'm just a good-looking pacifist.

Yeah. There's no way Style can just up and kill anyone in cold blood, as much as he'd like to get back at Keen for shooting him. Keen gets up to leave and Fadel and Style make a run for it before Keen can spot them.

No. 6: Hide and Seek

Fadel and Style follow Keen to a hotel and watch him enter someone's room. They wonder who he could be meeting and Fadel guesses it could be his faen. Style brings up the point that it's kinda weird for them to meet at a hotel if they really are dating and asks if Keen might be hiding from Lilly. Fadel looks almost proud when he says "And you said you're not much of a detective". Style says he learned it from Fadel, but the thing is that Style actually is a smart boy. Even if he's an idiot (affectionate <3). The reality of the matter is that Style is a smart boy who sometimes makes stupid (or unusual) choices. That doesn't make him unintelligent, though.

Now the question is how they're gonna proceed from here. Wait for Keen to come out of the room again? I think Fadel misunderstands Style's question as impatience a little bit (or maybe he simply just expects Style to ditch him), because he snaps at him: "Can you do that? If you can't wait, just go home."

But instead Style tells him: "Like hell I will. I said I'd help. I won't back down." Style is a man of his words and he will not be going home, thank you very much. He's made his choice to help Fadel and so here he'll be, helping Fadel until the end. And with that he's just proving to Fadel once again just how loyal he is and that he'll be staying by Fadel's side no matter what. In fact, in the end it's even Style who thinks of a way to find out who Keen is with. Not our trained assassin Fadel.

No. 7: Truth Bombs All Around

(Awww look, it's a Star in My Mind cast reunion <3)

Style's plan is as follows: he dresses up as hotel staff and pretends to bring room service. That will give them access to the room and they'll see who Keen is with. Now that could be a good plan, except... did Style forget that Keen has seen him???? Did he forget that he's actually met and talked to Keen in the men's room of the bowling alley???? And even if Style was too tipsy at the time to remember him, only one episode ago Keen literally shot him, so like. he knows Style and Style should also know Keen knows him. What does he think will happen once he sees him????

Well, lucky for Style, it's Keen's boyfriend who opens up the door, not Keen. So that solves the mystery of who exactly he's with. Unlucky for Style, though, Keen does recognize his voice and he's also been expecting Fadel, so if Fadel's boyfriend is here then that must mean Fadel himself is also nearby. And so suddenly Keen appears at the door, gun pointed at Style. The very same gun whose bullet Style has gotten to feel on his own body before. Uncertain, Style turns to Fadel and squints his eyes a little. What now? Fadel doesn't know either. Style turns back to Keen and slowly walks inside the room.

Now, on the outside Style looks pretty calm and collected. But I think on the inside Style is actually terrified this time. Because he's completely silent. In fact, during this entire encounter, from the moment Keen first pulls a gun on him, our chatty cat Style doesn't say a single word until he kicks Keen at the end. Not a single time does Style try to talk himself out of it the way he tried when Fadel was the one pulling a gun on him or when those three men at the host club attacked Fadel. No, instead Style remains quiet, but attentive to the situation the entire time. And I think part of why he doesn't say a single word is because this conflict is between Fadel and Keen and Style is smart enough not to meddle, but I also think part of it is because he is genuinely scared.

Fadel is at the door soon after Style has disappeared inside. Keen guides him inside the room with his gun pointed at Fadel's back and orders him to drop his own gun and to kneel next to Style. Style looks tense and uncomfortable.

And again, I think Style is actually really scared right now. Fadel drops his gun onto the bed and Style stares at it for quite a long while.

That gun isn't gonna help them this time, lying on the bed like that. Fadel kneels next to Style and Style wordlessly stares at Keen, watches him as Fadel talks to him. Keen has the gun on Fadel the entire time and threatens him: "One wrong move..." To showcase what he plans to do if Fadel doesn't abide to his wishes, Keen moves the gun and points it at Style instead. Style immediately turns away.

Keen continues his implicit threat with explicit words: "...and I put a hole through his skull." Again, as calm as Style looks, I think he's actually terrified right now. He can't even look at the gun.

This is very different from any time Fadel was pointing a gun at him. Even when Style was tied up at the pool, he never really shied from the gun except for the very end of the scene where for a brief moment he thinks Fadel is actually about to kill him for real. But during that entire conversation he doesn't even turn away from Fadel that time he gets jumpscared when Fadel suddenly shoves the gun closer while putting his foot on the step and yelling at Style to shut up. But when Keen is the one pointing the gun, things are different. Because with Fadel, Style knew he was going to be fine. Style could handle Fadel. But Keen actually has it out for Style and that very gun that is being pointed at him has hurt him before. Style is severely uncomfortable in this situation. He doesn't say a single word, not even to defend himself. Fadel does tell him "No need to be scared" and I think part of it was to comfort Style, but mostly I think this was actually a stab at Keen. Especially with how Fadel immediately continues by saying "He doesn't have the gut to do that". Keen points the gun at Fadel again. Style continues to stay silent during the brothers' argument. Style doesn't meddle or interfere at all. He keeps completely quiet, paying close attention to what is happening. And so when he takes note of how Keen gets distracted, because he's too emotionally affected by Fadel's words about their parents, Style immediately uses that chance and bravely attacks Keen. From episode 3 we know that Style doesn't actually have the skills for a fight and so again we see that Style will just throw himself into a situation if he thinks he can help somehow, even if he doesn't necessarily have the skill set for it. And we also see how terrible of a fighter Keen himself really is (I had some more thoughts about it here), because Style, who is canonically bad at fist-fights, actually manages to overpower him and wrestle the gun out of his hand. In the meantime Fadel makes a grab for his own gun and threatens Keen with it. Style shoves Keen's boyfriend onto the bed and points Keen's gun at him. The Style + guns counter goes up to 7. At this point either the writers are mocking me or we really will see Style pull that trigger at some point. Keen asks Fadel not to hurt Nont and Fadel snaps: "You dare ask me to spare your boyfriend when you were going to shoot mine?"

Fadel actually repeats the word "boyfriend" in Thai:

You still dare to ask for your boyfriend's life? นี่มึงยังกล้าขอชีวิตแฟนมึงอีกหรอ [nîi - mueng - yang - glâa - kŏr - chii-wít - faen mueng - ìik - rŏr] [interjection] - you - still - dare (to) - ask for, request - life - your boyfriend - again, once more - ? Weren't you going to shoot my boyfriend? ทีมึงจะยิงแฟนกูเลยไม่ใช่หรอ [tii - mueng - jà - ying - faen guu - loiie - mâi châi - rŏr] [particle] - you - will - shoot - my boyfriend - [particle] - no - ?

And I think the repetition is probably just from the way the language works in general, but there's just something about hearing Fadel utter the words "faen guu" ("my boyfriend") that makes my heart sing after him vehemently denying it for two episodes straight. Especially considering how at the time of Keen trying to shoot (and ending up injuring) Style, Fadel was actually still refusing to call Style his boyfriend (although he also didn't outright deny it when Style called them boyfriends). And now he's finally back to explicitly calling Style his boyfriend. We love to see it.

Style still doesn't say a single word, even though he himself was actually very involved in the whole "Keen tried shooting Fadel's boyfriend" plot. In fact, he was a main character in it. Style is clearly out of his element here. This is Fadel's area of expertise and also Fadel's conflict. And so for once, Style shuts up and lets Fadel do all the talking.

First, Fadel was the one dropping truth bombs on Keen. Now Keen is returning the favor: Lilly not only killed their parents but in addition she also had Fadel's ex killed. When those news are out, Style immediately turns his head to check on Fadel:

Style has context now, Style knows Fadel thinks the ex just up and left him without a word. And he knows that this new information greatly changes Fadel's worldview. Fadel and Keen continue to yell at each other and Style doesn't take his eyes off of Fadel. The camera is on Fadel and so we only get short glimpses of Style watching Fadel when the camera moves to the side enough for us to see Style's face for a second, so it's a bit hard to interpret what exactly Style is thinking in this moment, but I think the reason why he's watching Fadel so carefully is first of all, to check on him how he's taking the information and second of all, probably also to see if he's gonna do anything to Keen. But Fadel doesn't. They yell at each other for a bit and then Fadel has to turn around and process things for himself for a moment. The fact that he actually turns his back on Keen shows that Fadel really is back to trusting Style again. Because I don't think he would have just turned away from Keen like that if he didn't trust Style to have his back if Keen tried to attack him in this vulnerable state. Style turns to Fadel a little, still clearly uncomfortable in this situation, unsure what to do or what to say, especially now that such a huge bomb shell was dropped onto the person he loves. And he still doesn't utter a single word.

Fadel takes quite a while to process and when we next see Style, he's looking at Keen and Nont again, his expression now very stern.

The fear has faded. Style is in protective mode now. But he still doesn't say a word. He still doesn't interfere. He just waits to see what Fadel wants to do about this situation. Fadel finally regains his composure and suggests Keen a deal. Then Fadel only says Style's name and gestures with his hand. Style immediately obeys, no questions asked. He grabs Nont and pulls him off the bed. Fadel threatens Keen one more time, then walks away. Style watches Fadel leave the room. Before he follows Fadel out, Style kicks Keen and shouts "That's for shooting me!" and it's satisfying to witness, especially considering that this is Style who rarely ever holds grudges.

Style pulls Nont along as he moves to walk out the room himself. Now the question is... Did Style only take Nont to the door as some sort of human shield in case Keen had any stupid ideas and then let Nont go in the hallway or something? Or did Fadel and Style take Nont as an actual hostage? I guess we'll find out next episode. Hopefully.

No. 8: Hurt/Comfort

When they confronted Keen at the hotel, the sun was still out. Now the sun is long gone. I wonder how much time has passed since Fadel found out the news and what happened in between? Did they stay together? Was Style taking care of Nont first while Fadel already went to sit outside somewhere and that's why Style arrives a little later? Or did they separate? Did Fadel call or text Style to come meet him there, because he was feeling like shit?

Either way, Style finds Fadel sitting on some stone stairs and close to tears. Style stands in front of him for a moment with a concerned look on his face, before he sits down next to Fadel. First thing he does is to gently wipe away a tear that has escaped Fadel's eyes before he asks "Are you alright?" He also tells Fadel "You can talk to me, you know?" and then he just waits. He doesn't pressure Fadel to open up, he leaves the decision to open up entirely up to Fadel. Style always does this, actually. He never pressures Fadel to share if he isn't ready to. Only last episode, when Style was asking about the guy from the picture he waited for Fadel to answer without rushing him and when Fadel ignored the question, Style was quick to apologize and to tell him that it was okay if Fadel didn't want to share. Or in episode 5, when he asked about why Fadel goes to the Rise Up meetings he also patiently waited for Fadel to speak willingly and then waited again only moments later when he asked about how Fadel's parents died. Style offers Fadel a safe space to open up, but ultimately leaves the decision to take and make use of that safe space up to Fadel. It's no different here on the stairs. "You can talk to me," Style says and he wants Fadel to talk to him, to trust him enough to open up and to share his pain with Style, but he absolutely won't pressure Fadel into it. He offers Fadel a safe space and then waits. It takes 13 seconds for Fadel to open up. And when he does, he really talks. As soon as Fadel starts to speak, he shares without any hesitation like he did last episode when he told Style about his ex in the first place. He no longer shares just a sentence or two like he did back in episode 5. It all comes spilling out of Fadel now: "You know what? I've always blamed myself. I thought… He left because of me, because he was scared of me. He didn't want a future with me." Style sits and listens intently. Fadel ends with:

So that's why I don't wanna have anyone. กูก็เลยไม่อยากมีใครไง [guu - gôh loiie - mâi - yàak - mii - krai - ngai] I - as a result, that's why - not - want - have - anyone - [particle] Official subs: That’s why I don’t want to get close to anyone.

Style thinks about Fadel's words for a moment, then looks at him, raises his eyebrows and nods like Yeah, that tracks.

This really does explain a lot. In retrospective, all of Fadel's behavior and actions make so much more sense now with the added context. Style doesn't just think that to himself, but he also tells Fadel explicitly:

Ever since I found out about this, ตั้งแต่กู��ู้เรื่องเนี่ย [dtâng dtàe - guu - rúu - rêuuang nîia] since, from - I - know - this thing, this matter Official subs: Now that I found out about this, it makes me understand everything about why you are the way you are. มันทำให้กูเข้าใจความเป็นมึงทุกอย่างเลยนะ [man - tam hâi - guu - kâo-jai - kwaam bpen mueng - túk yàang - loiie - ná] it - makes that - I - understand - the being you - everything - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: I finally understood you And why it was so difficult to woo you. ว่าทำไมมึงถึงจีบยาก [wâa - tam-mai - mueng - tĕung - jìip - yâak] that - why - you - get to - flirt (with), hit on, woo - difficult Official subs: and why you were so closed-minded before.

Fadel looks up and his jaw clenches for a split second. Style is looking back at him with an attentive expression, almost giving him the tiniest smile.

(Is it just me or does the left corner of his mouth (to our right) twitch very subtly?)

Fadel elaborates on why that is: "I don't want to have any expectations just to be disappointed." Style is still looking at Fadel, still listening intently. He gives just the tiniest nod after Fadel says this.

He empathizes with Fadel. This time Style doesn't say anything, though. He stays quiet again and just lets Fadel continue talking whenever he's ready to share more. And things just continue to spill out of Fadel under tears: "I never thought… that he'd be dead because of me. If only I didn't want to quit my job, if only I didn't get close to him… He'd still be alive." Style looks away from Fadel again, contemplating Fadel's words, his expression serious.

When he looks back at Fadel, there is something on Style's mind that he does want Fadel to hear: "It wasn't your fault. Lilly was the one who had him killed. It was her fault. Don't blame yourself." Style's voice is soft, but there is a bit of an urgency to his tone as he says this. It's important to Style that Fadel understands that he has no reason to continue blaming himself. Style ends his little speech with "You had the full right to love and to want a future with him" and his voice sounds so very gentle and kind. And I just love that the writers never made Style be jealous of the ex, but instead made him so understanding. Style is here to help Fadel work through his trauma, to support him, to be his safe space and his shoulder to cry on. And it's beautiful.

Fadel slowly lifts his head and looks up at Style. The moment their eyes meet, Style tilts his head just a little bit closer to Fadel and that makes it look like he becomes even more focused on Fadel as he waits for Fadel to say something back.

But as it turns out, Fadel can't embrace Style's words right now, can't bring himself to believe them. Because in his experience, things don't go well. And so he drops a bit of a bombshell on Style:

You see it now, don't you, Style? มึงเห็นแล้วใช่มั้ยสไตล์ [mueng - hĕn - láew - châi mái - Style] you - see - already, now - right? - Style Official subs: You see now, Style? That loving me will lead you to death. ว่าการรักกูจะพามึงไปตายอ่ะ [wâa - gaan rák - guu - jà - paa - mueng - bpai - dtaai - àh] that - loving - me - will - lead, bring, take - you - go - die - [particle] Official subs: The only thing my love will lead you to is death.

Yeah. The official translation actually completely turned around the meaning. In Thai Fadel doesn't say that him loving someone is what leads to death, but it's him being loved that leads to death. The problem isn't that Fadel can't love, no, the problem is that Fadel can't be loved. Because the moment someone loves him that person is in danger. Fadel can't allow himself to receive love, because that will lead to dire consequences. This is also why Style later says "You deserve love". It refers right back to this line here and to Fadel being convinced that he can't accept anyone's love. Fadel says "Loving me will lead you to death" and Style swallows, his expression now slightly less soft and more serious compared to how it was before.

Style, believer in the power of love, who loves so ferociously with all his heart, gets told that this very love will be his death sentence if he keeps on loving Fadel specifically. Those aren't exactly cheerful news. You can't love me, because you will die, Fadel tells him and I think that hurts Style, because first of all, it's not exactly a great thing to be told "your feelings will cost you your life" and second of all, I think he's also hurt for Fadel, is hurt that the person he loves so dearly would shy away from receiving love, because to them it's a terrible, traumatic experience. And what's more, I'm pretty sure once's he's heard that line Style understands Fadel is about to drop a break-up speech. And breaking up is absolutely not in the cards for Style.

Fadel looks at him full of desperation and says:

It's better if you leave my life. มึงออกไปจากชีวิตกูเถอะนะ [mueng - òhk bpai - jàak - chii-wít guu - tùh - ná] you - go out, leave - from - my life - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: Please just leave me.

Fadel tells Style "I won't even get mad at you" and it's kind of reminiscent of that one time in the beginning of episode 5 where he told Style he'd be cool with it if Style suddenly wanted to back out of the relationship after all. Except now Fadel needs Style to back out of the relationship, because he's terrified for Style's safety. Style looks away and thinks about Fadel's words again, looking almost a little tense now.

This really is a break-up speech and Style definitely doesn't like where it's going. He doesn't say anything yet, though. And Fadel continues:

Live the life you want to live. มึงใช้ชีวิตที่มึงอยากใช้ [mueng - chái chii-wít - tîi - mueng - yàak - chái] you - live life - that - you - want (to) - live (lit. "use") Official subs: Live the life you deserve. Don't entrust your life to me. มึงอย่ามาฝากชีวิดกับกูเลยนะ [mueng - yàa - maa - fàak - chii-wít - gàp - guu - loiie - ná] you - not - come - entrust - life - with - me - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: Don’t leave it with me.

Now Style really can't shut up anymore. "Why would you say this?" Style almost sounds kind of offended now. And when he says "It hurts my feelings, you know?" he's really angry. All that softness from before is momentarily gone. And it makes sense for him to be angry now. Only last episode he was angry when everyone just ignored his own agency in this whole thing. And Fadel is about to do the very same thing again. But Style is perfectly capable of making his own choices, especially when it's about how to live his very own life. Fadel can't decide Style's own life choices for him. And what's more: after all this time, does Fadel still not know Style? Does Fadel still not understand just how loyal Style is? Does Fadel still not believe that Style will stick by his side through life and death? Does Fadel still not believe it, despite the fact that Style was literally out there proving it over and over again in episodes 8 and 9? It makes Style really upset that Fadel has so little faith in him. And I think it also hurts him that Fadel would think of him as the kind of person who'd just up and leave the person they love the moment things get difficult and not pretty. "What kind of man do you take me for?" is a question that Style asked Fadel back in episode 3 already after their storage room hook-up. And now the very same question is relevant again. That question is the subtext of when Style asks "Why would you say this?" and Style then also goes on to elaborate on it: "I'm not the type to be scared of dying and ditch the person I love.* I’m not selfish like that."

*กูไม่ใช่พวกที่จะกลัวตายแล้วทิ้งคนที่รักนะ [guu - mâi châi - pûuak - tîi - jà - gluua - dtaai - láew - tíng - kon - tîi - rák - ná] I - not - group, community - that - will - be scared (of), fear - die - and - leave, discard - person - that - love - [particle] Official subs: I'm not the type to leave the one I love to save my life.

The anger in his voice is already gone when he says this. His tone is softer again compared to when he told Fadel that his feelings were hurt, and there is also some slight urgency to his tone again. It's important to Style that his words really reach Fadel. He really needs it to get through to Fadel that there is absolutely no way Style is leaving him, especially not now in this state, in this condition. Not in his wildest dreams would Style ever even think to just abandon the person he loves at rock bottom. Because that's not at all how he views love: "Love is something you fight for together. You stay by each other's side, no matter what obstacles you run into.*"

ต้องอยู่ข้างๆ กันไม่ว่าจะเจออุปสรรคแค่ไหน [dtông - yùu - kâang kâang gan - mâi wâa - jà - jer - ù-bpà-sàk - kâe năi] must - be, stay - by each other's side, next to each other - no matter, regardless of - will - meet, find - obstacle - how many Official subs: Stay by each other's side through every obstacle.

Lilly killing Fadel's old boyfriend and Style's life now also being in danger is an obstacle they're facing in their relationship, but they're gonna face it together. No way Style is gonna ditch Fadel. Because: "If I was scared of you*, I’d have run away the day I found out you’re a hitman."

*ถ้ากูกลัวมึงอ่ะ [tâa - guu - gluua - mueng - àh] if - I - scared of, fear - you - [particle] Official subs: If I was scared,

Yeah. I need you to know that Style is actually more specific in Thai. It's not the entire situation or Lilly or anything else that he's referring to here. No. He's referring to being scared of Fadel specifically and he also explicitly says that. He says "If I was scared of you", in other words he's saying You don't scare me which is something Fadel really needs to hear. Style already told him that last episode when Fadel first opened up about his old boyfriend, and now Style is repeating it, both for emphasis but also as a reminder. Style is not scared of Fadel, because if he was he could have easily backed out much sooner than this. Because the reality of the matter is that initially he was scared of Fadel for a moment right after Kant told him the truth. But then Fadel never gave Style a reason to actually be scared of him and Style fell deeply in love anyway:

But that I'm still staying / But that I still stayed แต่ที่กูยังอยู่ [dtàe - tîi - guu - yang - yùu] but - that - I - still - stay Official subs: But I stay with you is because I love that you're you / is because I love you for being you เพราะกูรักที่เป็นมึง [próh - guu - rák - tîi - bpen - mueng] because - I - love - that - be - you Official subs: because I love who you are. And I'm confident, you know, that you're the person I desire. แล้วกูมั่นใจนะ ว่ามึงคือคนที่กูต้องการ [láew - guu - mân-jai - ná • wâa - mueng - kue - kon - tîi - guu - dtông-gaan] and - I - be certain, confident - [particle] • that - you - are - person - that - I - want, require Official subs: I know for sure that you're the one I want.

I'm not entirely sure about how accurate "desire" is as a translation here, but I chose it for the lack of a better word. In Thai there are actually two words for saying "want": อยาก [yàak] and ต้องการ [dtông-gaan]. I asked my friend about the about the difference and he explained that ต้องการ [dtông-gaan] is more serious, you don't want the thing because you just feel like it, but there's a deeper/more serious reason behind it. The example he gave was if you say you อยาก [yàak] some candy then it's clear that you just wanna have some candy because you feel like eating it, but if you say you ต้องการ [dtông-gaan] candy, then you have a deeper reason for it, like for example you're a diabetic who's sugar levels are getting low. Style uses the more serious word ต้องการ [dtông-gaan] here when he says he wants Fadel. Him wanting Fadel is not just a fleeting mood. Style's voice is very firm now. Style means every single word that he says. And nothing that Fadel says or does will changes Style's stance on this matter. In episode 5 Fadel told Style to judge once he's seen all of Fadel, and this right here is Style making his choice knowing the entire truth of the situation. A choice, that in reality he had already made in episode 5. Style loves Fadel and he's made his choice to be with him five episodes ago and nothing so far has made him want to change his mind. On the contrary, he's just gotten even more determined the better he gets to know and understands Fadel. And it had to be Style. The person to worm his way through Fadel's walls had to be Style. Style, beacon of hope and optimism and unwavering loyalty. Style, who is even more stubborn than Fadel is.

For the past minute, Fadel has now been the one to intently listen to Style's words. When Style finishes his little speech, a tear rolls from Fadel's eye. Style lifts his hand and wipes it away with his thumb. Then he takes Fadel's face into both hands and sighs. He doesn't want to see Fadel this miserable. Style continues to gently wipe away the tears from Fadel's face. Then he tells Fadel: "There's no need to be afraid. You and I will be fine. Everything will turn out alright. Knowing how much you care about me makes me certain that I didn't choose the wrong man. You deserve love just like anyone."

And for those who are curious, here is a more literal translation of the last two sentences:

The more I know how much you care about me, ยิ่งกูรู้ว่ามึงแค่ร์กูขนาดเนี่ย [yîng - guu - rúu - wâa - mueng - kâe - guu - kà-nàat nîia] the more - I - know - that - you - care (about) - me - like this, this much the more I know that I don't love the wrong person. มันยิ่งทำให้รู้นะว่ากูอ่ะ รักคนไม่ผิด [man - yîng - tam hâi - rúu - ná - wâa - guu - àh • rák - kon - mâi - pìt] it - the more - make that, cause - know - [particle] - that - I - [particle] • love - person - not - wrong You deserve love very much. มึงคู่ควรกับความรักมากๆ เลยนะ [mueng - kûu kuuan - gàp - kwaam rák - mâak mâak - loiie - ná] you - deserve, fit - with - love - very much, a lot - [particle for emphasis] - [particle]

When Style says "deserve" he actually uses the word คู่ควร [kûu kuuan] which my friend explained as a very poetic word that isn't really used in real life unless you're being sarcastic. Obviously Style is not being sarcastic here and I think it's sweet that he expresses himself in a poetic way.

Style's voice as he talks to Fadel now is both so firm and determined and urgent, but at the same time it's also so gentle and soft and warm. And it's so very filled with love. Filled to the brim with love. The love that Fadel thinks he's not allowed to accept, because it will lead to his loved ones dying. But Style doesn't care that he might die. Style loves so fully and so wholeheartedly and so earnestly, and he will give Fadel all the love Style knows Fadel so desperately needs. Because Fadel deserves to be loved. And Style will stay right here by Fadel's side, loving him fiercely no matter what dangers they'll face.

When Style is done with his little speech, you can literally see him trying to figure out and thinking hard about whether it's okay to kiss Fadel now. Whether Fadel will be okay with it or if it maybe overwhelms him right now after all of that. But in the end Style raises his eyebrows as he decides Fuck it, I'm kissing him.

And then he leans in slowly, very slowly, so that Fadel has more than enough time to react and to pull away if he feels uncomfortable with being kissed right now. But Fadel lets him, and Style kisses him so very gently with all the love that he has. And actually, even when Fadel has already clearly given his consent by letting Style kiss him in the first place, in the beginning Style still opens his eyes for a brief moment to check Fadel's reaction, to check if Fadel really is okay with being kissed right now.

They break apart and again Style observes Fadel's face intently. Fadel has his undivided attention, nothing matters right now but Fadel and his well-being. Style is gonna make sure Fadel leaves this place feeling much better than when he got here.

But Fadel still looks rather dejected. So Style gently pulls Fadel's head closer and kisses his forehead. Then he goes back to simply just holding Fadel's face and looking at him. And that's when Fadel really breaks. He pulls Style into a sudden hug and cries into his shoulder. It's the second time this has happened and this time Style is actually aware of it. And this time Fadel is fully aware of just how much Style actually truly loves him. Style holds Fadel as Fadel trembles in Style's arms.

Now, the trembling. I wanna talk about the trembling for a moment. Because I have a mother who works in the medical field and she's mentioned on multiple occasion how trauma release can manifest in the body through shaking and trembling. And when I saw that I was like "YES!! YES!!" Because, remember how Style draws tears on Fadel in episode 6? In the episode itself that worked as direct foreshadowing to Fadel crying tears because of Style's "betrayal" of course, but the first time I watched the scene it didn't even occur to me that this could be foreshadowing to the episode ending in Fadel's tears. No, my very first thought upon seeing those drawn tears was "Are those the tears Fadel never got to cry?" And if you read and remember my ep6 meta, when I got to this part I actually wrote:

I do hope later down the line we'll get a scene where Fadel finally lets it all out, let's out all the pain from all the trauma(s) he's been through while Style is right by his side, supporting him through it, is there for him. Because they'll do this together and Style will always be ready to happily offer and create a safe space for Fadel, just like he did in episode 5 when he was asking Fadel about his parents or when he was trying to get Fadel to let lose and dance a little in the bowling alley or now when he's offering to wear matching make-up with Fadel. And when Fadel cries (and I hope he will cry, and not just from Style's "betrayal"), then Style will offer a safe space for Fadel to cry in, too.

(Bolded for emphasis.)

And I am sooo, so happy I actually got this!! Fadel crying out all of his trauma while Style is there to support him and to hold him through it. Maybe the make-up tears were double foreshadowing after all: In episode 6, Style offered a safe space to Fadel and drew fake tears on him. In episode 10, Style offers a safe space to Fadel and Fadel cries real tears. And both these episodes are the only two episodes that ended with me just staring into thin air for a while afterwards, unable to form any coherent thought. That's it, meta canceled. I'm gonna go throw myself off a cliff now. Bye.

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9)

#the heart killers #fadelstyle #stylefadel #thk #thk meta #my meta #thkmetamine #adrm #style meta #posting this at 4:14am what else is new

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