#only putting the basil tag so people can see this more

[shewaslikeasunflower]

The truth can’t stay locked away forever, dreamer.

Will you face it, or will you run away once more?

[hotvintagepoll]

Trying to get more into old movies because of this blog (I only know about half of these people and feel like a poser) do you have good recommendations on where to start or is it just a situation where you watch stuff and find what you like as you go?

you are not a poser <3 i myself am just here for the hotties.

here is my quick and dirty list of fun films to start with if you're new to old movies. and of course if you like one of these, do try to find more stuff as you go! there's no bad way to try out old movies.

(this list is not official and is SUPER quick. i'm tagging for content warnings where I can, but if I forgot something let me know.)

"I want to watch something SILLY!"

The Court Jester (Danny Kaye, Angela Lansbury, Glynis Johns, Basil Rathbone)—everyone in this movie is hot. everyone is in fancy medieval dress, which makes them hotter. everyone here is very silly. You can stream this on Hoopla, last time i checked, so you might be able to stream it through your library!

Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang (Dick Van Dyke, Sally Ann Howes, Lionel Jeffries, Gert Frobe)—some people hate this movie and to them I say What Is Wrong With You. dick van dyke is a hot absent minded inventor who lives in a windmill with his two adorable children, his gorgeous sheepdog, and a grandfather who is categorically useless. it feels like the two films mary poppins (1964) and willy wonka (1971) had a baby and that baby was born on roller skates singing an old broadway showtune. this one has been showing up in some odd places lately—I think you can catch it on Tubi or Hoopla? It's definitely around.

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (Jane Powell, Julie Newmar, Howard Keel, Russ Tamblyn)—my problematic fave. everytime i watch this i change my mind whether it's a sexist pile of garbage or a feminist paean, and fellas, today we're on the feminist paean bandwagon!! jane powell's millie is truly the star of the movie, she is the hero she drives the plot the narrative is on her side, and besides all that there are seven very hot men dancing next to her and six beautiful ladies making me bisexual. (on Tubi last I checked.)

The Duke Is Tops (Lena Horne, Laurence Criner)—I get a huge kick out of watching Laurence Criner and Ralph Cooper swindle everybody while also trying to put on a show; there's just something silly and sincere here, plus you get a ~musical extravaganza~ at the end when all is right as rain again. Free on YouTube I think?

"I want to watch something DRAMATIC that may make me FEEL SOMETHING."

Witness for the Prosecution (Marlene Dietrich, Tyrone Power, Elsa Lanchester)—I love a campy twisty turny mystery, don't you? :) I'm not going to talk about this one much because it's better to go in blind, but if you like Agatha Christie stories you'll probably like this.

To Be Or Not To Be (Carole Lombard, Jack Benny)—always relevant, always makes me laugh, also makes me cry. this takes place in poland during wwii so big tw for nazi imagery and mentions. (don't worry. this movie fucking hates nazis.)

Seven Samurai (Toshiro Mifune)—this one is Great Cinema™™™™™™™™™™™ for a goddamned reason

"I want to watch some stuff with the scrungles in it!"

Mr. Washington Goes to Town (Mantan Moreland)—I've been checking out more of Mantan Moreland's stuff because every time I see him in something I think he's delightful, and I really enjoyed this silly-spooky comedy. Does this story have a brain cell? No. Are the special effects and goofy slapstick fun? Yes. This is a fun example of an all-Black cast in a film that was made for Black audiences, and is a striking counterpoint to the stereotypical representation Black actors were given in white-targeted films, showing the enormous amount of talent and artistry the racist studios missed out on by excluding these actors. This is not A Great Film™ but it's still A Fun Time,™ with a goofy Laurel and Hardy type vibe. (It's free on Youtube.)

The Red Shoes (Robert Helpmann, Leonide Massine, Marius Goring)—hey kid, you wanna watch something fucked up? This movie is so fucked up. It's about ballet, it's about art, it's about technicolor, it's about dance and toxic relationships and making theatre and nightmares and ambition and death. A lot of these recs tend on the silly side (because I tend on the silly side) but this one is actually Serious Film and will definitely help you chat up Martin Scorsese should you ever meet him. Big content warning if you can't handle dark themes right now—this movie's pretty dark, not in the gore way but in the Haunting Creepy Image way. (it's also free on Tubi and Kanopy most of the time.)

The Invisible Man (Claude Rains)—my favorite of the vintage horror flicks and a great introduction to Most Dunked On Hot Vintage Man of All Time, Claude Rains. (it helps that you barely ever see him!) Very very silly but the special effects are just plain fun. (I think this is on Internet Archive in full?)

"Can I just get more hot people please?"

Flower Drum Song (James Shigeta, Nancy Kwan, Miyoshi Umeki, Jack Soo)—there are so many unbelievably hot people in this movie which is somehow very good (thanks to its cast) and also incredibly, horrifically bad (thanks to its white team of writers, directors, and producers). on the one hand, it's a mostly Asian cast in a big budget, beautifully designed MGM style musical! there's dream sequences, lots of fun dancing, crooning Rogers & Hammerstein cabaret moments, and just charm galore. it is also freighted with so. many orientalist assumptions and stereotypes, absolutely ridiculous shit that the writers ABSOLUTELY should have known better about in the 60s and nonetheless carried into this. this is a hard one to recommend because I loved this cast, and I loved seeing them in a context beyond the usual stereotypical bit parts so many of them frequently were limited to—yet the movie itself perpetuates so many stereotypes on its own it can be a hard one to watch, and I totally understand if it does not work for most people. tl;dr watch for Shigeta, Kwan, Umeki, and the others, but content warnings galore for one (really bad) case of yellowface casting, orientalist tropes, extremely stereotypical character types, etc. (On Tubi/Kanopy last I checked.)

Charade (Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, James Coburn)—this movie feels like a Hitchcock movie except I had a ton of fun watching it, which I can't always say for a Hitch film. (I told you my taste was bad.) This one is free on YouTube and thank god because Audrey wears a lot of Givenchy, Cary Grant wears spectacles and keeps almost dying, it's very exciting and thrilling and funny and sexy. I don't think there are any content warnings but it's been a minute since I watched it. (I should go watch it right now.)

The Big Sleep (Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall)—they're so hot askjdljhjghladkghjksahkhgslkahgshskjhgsalhgsahgjh. i like this one a lot :)

[this is NOT A FULL LIST of all the hot vintage movies to start with but it might give you some starting places! i banged this out as quick as I could at 2 am, so apologies that it's sloppy and not perfect.]

[toorurii]

asking again becuz i love this dude… i would love to know more about basil (basile??) basil. ANY facts ANY info

HELP I actually saw ur first ask but I wanted to make his TH first before I went all in on answering 😭 I’m in the middle of revamping him rn but I can tell u some bits and pieces that are probably gonna stay w/ him!! Super happy that u like him bc I adore that guy and he’s one of my oldest OCs (since I was like 15 I think..)

- Name is pronounced buh-seal!

- he’s 6’9” (I know)(it was a joke and now I’m committing to the bit) and polar bear themed! So he’s very tanky and hits really hard if he’s pushed to doing that… his grip strength is nuts

-He’s a VERY powerful sorcerer, and actually classified as a mortal that has the ability to actually kill an angel or demon in my universe canon if he puts his mind to it

- A healer, but it stems from black magic, specifically in the necromancy ballpark. He doesn’t have heinous intentions though and only learned it to bring someone dear back to him (they didn’t come back right but we don’t gotta worry abt that). He does still have a very keen interest in the dark arts though even if it’s to just be extremely knowledgeable on the subject as opposed to actually practicing it

-… He’s only smart in the magic arts… in any other category he’s very air headed / in his own little world… he’s very sweet though if you can ignore his bluntness!!! (And ominous remarks about how brittle he thinks neck bones are)

- He’s at least 100 years old but no one in his universe knows for sure 🤔 it shows in his hair, though his eyebrows stayed his natural color despite it all! It’s his magic keeping him alive 🤷

-he has three ‘kids’…… Or really three homunculi he made because he was lonely. they’re all ice magic/ bear-themed too! Rosette is his eldest (they’re triplets..) if you know her! (I’ll tag her so u can see her on my blog, I think there’s like 2 pics of her tho so 😅)

-branching off of rosette she knows powerful magic bc of Bas! She also disowned him bc she thinks he’s weird so she’s like someone else’s kid now but once again we ain’t gotta worry abt that

-Final point is that Bas IS weird… He’s developed into the ‘freaky gentle giant’ kind of trope for me so he’s supposed to be a little scary and off putting.. he’s CRAZY charismatic though and has a very flowery/romantic way of speaking (one of his main character points is that he usually gets flustered after saying something super corny) 🫡 he’s also a hardcore people pleaser!

I nabbed some pics of him too! His designs gonna change a little but he’s still my beloved old man

[polaroid-petals]

Stranger has the fluffiest hair in headspace, discounting Basil. Silky smooth, it’s light and soft, and it has an earthy aroma much like charcoal. It is slightly wispier than the rest of his ghost body, giving one the impression that it is weightless and eludes gravity, and it follows a slight gradient towards the tips despite being black as the night. On good days, when Stranger is particularly happy and the sun hits him just right, you may find sparkles in his locks that match his starlight-freckled blush.

While his hair doesn't require a lot of attention, Stranger does put in the work to take good care of it. It’s not so rare to find him at the hot springs working in all sorts of creams, balms, and shampoos to give his hair that extra little flair, and it pays off in it being even softer and smoother. It even seems to be immune to getting tangled, but don’t think that’ll keep Stranger from frequently brushing it.

If you ask nicely, you may touch it—just be careful not to stroke his ego alongside his luscious locks.

Unsurprisingly, Stranger quite enjoys anything to do with the hot springs. Nothing goes above a midnight visit to the rocky area where he spends hours simmering his sometimes frigid spectral body in the warm water and seeking out new ways to spoil himself. He's asked the Dreamer to research skin care and hygiene products so that he may improve his routine in the dream, even though it's rather futile as the ephemeral nature of his body means that most smells and products will have wafted off into nothingness only hours after he applied them. His hair seems to be the exception, holding on to its post-washing texture for days despite reclaiming its charcoal smell rather swiftly.

Omori often gets invited to join in on these bodily rituals. He thinks Stranger is stupid for it, but after seeing just how much he enjoys it when Omori assists with all these routines, he grew into the idea of helping out with Stranger's beauty routine a little more. Even if he thinks it's all just a con to get Omori clean.

A ghost can dream, and if his hobbies include softening his skin for a few hours, then who's to stop him?

Omori's hair, on the other hand, is so dark because it's one block of grease. Don't try to brush through it, the hairbrush and your wrist will perish. It's a surprise that his scalp doesn't smell that badly, but you probably don't want to bury your nose in his hair after a long period without any bathing. That boy's scalp is a weapon of mass destruction and could sell for millions on the black market for how much oil you can forage from it.

It's actually airier and fluffier when it's been freshly washed, and Stranger does his best to take Omori to the hot springs at least once a week to keep him clean, but it's an uphill battle against Omori's hair follicles, one that Stranger doesn't always win. That, and he gets bitten if he bothers Omori too much about his hygiene. Still, Stranger is one of the rare people who is allowed to touch Omori's hair, if he really must—and he uses every opportunity he gets to try to pluck the bugs out of his hair.

(The other is Sunny, whose little hairclips and accessories, which he leaves behind in Omori's short locks after a session of playing around with his hair, Omori happily keeps around.)

Surprisingly enough, Omori doesn't absolutely abhor these baths. In fact, the hot springs are one of his favourite areas to hang around, as he is drawn to the heat of the water and the tranquillising effects of the waterfalls clattering on his skinny shoulders. He can easily be bribed to tag along for a relaxing swim, and once he has melted, he'll let Stranger wash his hair and give him a quick go with soap and a sponge while he's at it. Maybe even use a soft brush to untangle his messy mop.

He claims to hate it, but his softened muscles and his mild temper for a few hours afterwards say otherwise. As such, it's one of Stranger's favourite ways to pamper Omori.

[thethirdromana]

A few people in the Dorian Gray Weekly tag have observed that Oscar Wilde doesn't make it clear what he wants us to think of Dorian. I'd like to dig into that a bit more, because I think it's true, and fascinating, and weird.

Because if you take everything so far at face value, then Wilde has made it abundantly clear that Dorian is a terrible person. His actions have resulted in a young woman's suicide. He has a visual record in his attic of his moral degradation and that record has become "evil". The picture is covered in "signs of sin", and it's pretty clear that Wilde means that literally. It's not just that Dorian is being spared the realistic physical consequences of his misdeeds, like bags under his eyes after a heavy night out. His sins, which he is unquestionably committing, are visibly altering the appearance of his portrait, like that Roald Dahl quote:

If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

We don't know exactly what his sins are. But we know how they cause people to act around him:

It was remarked, however, that some of those who had been most intimate with him appeared, after a time, to shun him. Women who had wildly adored him, and for his sake had braved all social censure and set convention at defiance, were seen to grow pallid with shame or horror if Dorian Gray entered the room.

The only reason that there isn't more scandal around him is explicitly because he's rich and attractive. Not because there's any hint that he's sometimes a good person. While Wilde doesn't say "Dorian was evil and his portrait looked evil because he was an evil person who did evil things", he comes pretty damn close to it.

And yet...

Despite all that condemnation, it's hard to come away from reading this novel with the impression that Wilde is actually condemning Dorian's actions, as the commentary in the tag demonstrates. (Which is handy, because this is vibes-based analysis and tricky to prove otherwise).

I think there are two reasons for this. One is the lavish, indulgent descriptions of everything Dorian is doing. The details feel like they're shared in a spirit of appreciation, not judgement. Post-Sibyl, Dorian's crimes are presented in an innuendo-laden, nudge-nudge way that lets you imagine whatever level of debauchery you find titillating. (It's always fun to see where adaptations choose to draw the line here). Dorian's life is shallow, but it's vivid and luxurious - and more than a little enviable. And sometimes it's fun to read about rich people doing bad things!

(Of course, that means that the reader ignores Dorian's sins in favour of his wealth just like his acquaintances do).

The other reason is the weird relationship between Dorian's life and Oscar Wilde's own. Wilde puts what feels like an uncomfortable amount of himself into Dorian - the book that Dorian "could not free himself from", that contributes to his moral degradation, is one of Wilde's own favourite books. Wilde also lived an indulgent, hedonistic lifestyle that took him into sordid parts of London, where he did things that, once revealed, would see him shunned by society, some of which we would still judge harshly.

Wilde was writing for an audience who didn't know as much about his life as we do, but he was already an established celebrity when The Picture of Dorian Gray was published, so I think his readership would see an echo of Dorian's decadence in Wilde himself. Like Basil Hallward, he put a lot of himself into his art. Like Basil Hallward, it revealed more of him than he perhaps intended - but he did intend some of it.

I can't quite imagine writing a character who shares a lot of my interests and enthusiasms, plus some of the worst of my behaviour, and then explicitly describing that character as evil, but that's what Oscar Wilde did. Dorian Gray doesn't feel like it's written in a spirit of self-loathing, but nor does it feel like a demonstration of cognitive dissonance. So I'm no closer to figuring out what the hell is going on here. But for me, the chewy complexity of exactly how Wilde wants us to feel about Dorian - admiring, judgmental, condemnatory, detached - is a significant part of why I enjoy this novel so much.

[windvexer]

discord games for psychic powers and magical prowess (not a troll post)

I keep recommending these so I thought I'd put them in one post to link later. These are games for you and your buddies to play on Discord or any group chat platform where you can post pictures.

In almost all circumstances, it is best that players use ||spoiler tags|| or otherwise hide their answers until everyone finishes, so that everyone playing can post without being influenced by other answers, or subconsciously modify what they want to say based on what their friends are saying.

Games to explore magical practice

Witch Counsel

The purpose of this game is for each Counsel player to explore their own beliefs about how and when magic should be employed.

One person is the Villager. All other players are on the Counsel. The Villager presents a problem that they want to have solved with magic. The Villager is understood to be seeking a magical solution.

Examples:

How can I find my runaway cat?

What can I do to help my dying plants?

How do I curse my enemies into ruination?

Each person on the Counsel provides their advice. However, advice does not need to be magical. Each Counselperson should honestly answer if they would use mundane, scientific, religious, magical (etc) solutions - or if their advice is to do nothing.

Unlike other games, this game has no right or wrong answers.

Spellcrafting

The purpose of this game is to explore spellcrafting and matching what is on hand to intent.

One person is the Asker. It may be best that the Asker is a person more experienced in spellcrafting and witchcraft.

All other players are Witches. Each Witch is understood to have basic household tools (needle and thread, scissors, vessels for holding liquids, kitchen knives, and so on). However, the Witch does not have access to any other ingredients - this means no candles, no kitchen spices, and so on.

The Asker provides an intent or necessary task that must be accomplished with magic.

Examples:

Obtain a pay raise at work

Find a rare book for the collection

The Asker will then give a list of a few ingredients that the Witches have to complete this task (alongside their household tools).

Examples:

A dozen red roses

A figurine of a honey bee

A large, healthy, living basil plant

Each Witch must then combine the ingredients given with their household tools in order to craft a spell that will accomplish the intent.

Unlike other games, this game has no right or wrong answers.

Variations:

Someone chooses the intent, but someone else chooses the ingredients

All, or certain, household objects are taken away and only specific tools are given

Ingredients given are restricted to a certain category (such as only minerals)

Games to develop and practice psychism

Vibe Check

All players are encouraged to only play this game with trusted friends, as some people are fucking assholes who are like "lmao I wanted to see if you guys could pick up on this really mean spirit I bound into the object" and then will get all mad at you when you have a panic attack and need to log off, like it's YOUR fault for linking up with a haunted object, even though we all agreed we were just going to do the FOUR ELEMENTS, SHAUN.

The purpose of this game is to attempt to accurately read energies within a photographed object. It is especially important to ||spoil|| answers, or even DM them directly to the Object Holder.

One person is the Object Holder. They will select some object in their possession which has been enchanted with a magical energy. This magical energy may be from a full enchantment, such as with spellwork, or it may be a temporary charge by performing energy work.

All other players are Readers.

The Object Holder must be absolutely aware of what energy is within the object.

The Object Holder will take a photograph of the object and share it with the Readers. Each Reader will attempt to psychically survey the object, and will post their ||spoiled|| answers, or if agreed upon, will DM the Object Holder.

Once all players have participated, the Object Holder will publicly share the type of energy implanted into the object.

Notes for Readers:

Especially for beginners and those working to develop psychism, what types of energies are allowed should be heavily limited. For example, only using the four/five elements, or only allowing spell types of protection/prosperity/joy.

New students of psychism will note that their biggest learning curve may not be grasping energetic impressions, but rather understanding how they personally experience energy. Readers may heavily benefit from keeping their own notes on each impression.

A few rounds to warm up may be necessary.

If Readers in the group all appear to be picking up random, unrelated impressions, it is more than likely that the object was not correctly charged, or, that the Object Holder has wards that prevent divinatory prying.

Notes for Object Holders:

This game is a chance to practice enchanting and charging objects.

You should only use objects that have been very recently fed or charged (same day or same hour).

Don't forget to check and pause wards which may limit divinatory prying.

Always use care and common sense: never expose Readers to energies you think might be unsettling or harmful.

It is often helpful to Readers to give them details of how the object was energized or enchanted, or any nuances you yourself find in the energy (e.g., a more lava-like fire, as opposed to a cozy hearth fire). This helps Readers examine their own experiences.

[aria0fgold]

Hi, I'm Aria! Am now 24 years old >:3

'tis me ^ (old art but it's all I got. resized to tiny. as I am.)

'tis me too ^ (new art yay! resized as tiny once again.)

Any pronouns okay! I don't mind really! I use she/her for myself :3

Am writer!!! Aria0fGold in ao3 too, and a beginner artist! I have many interests :D But I'm currently hyperfixated on two, OMORI and Mahoutsukai no Yakusoku (Mahoyaku/mhyk for short). You're gonna see me talk a lot bout em.

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List of My OMORI AUs ehe

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Other interests are:

Detective Conan (Conan my disastrous son...)

Project Sekai (Emu is a sweetheart of a daughter and Akito is a rebellious son whose white knight card never came home)

AI: The Somnium Files (Mizuki and Iris are my daughters now and I will follow Boss to the ends of the world)

Pokemon (My childhood, only played up to B/W2 though and pmd sky? + the time one. It's been years since then)

TWEWY (Neku was a jerk but he was my jerk of a son and you're doing good sweetie)

Honkai Impact 3rd (Rarely play it now but Seele and Veliona are my daughters, Elysia and Eden are my queens)

Genshin Impact (Barely play it now too but Qiqi, Noelle, and Yoimiya are my daughters. And I hate Childe[lovingly])

Honkai Star Rail (Active in it, Asia server ehe. Seele all grown up now, proud of her. I hate Luocha and Kafka[lovingly])

And many more!!! Those are the ones I can list off the top of my head but there's lots more, like other anime, games, manga, manwha, manhua, songs (Mili)!

I love OCs too! I love anyone's OCs! I have a lot of OCs but you'll sometimes see me talking about mainly 5 (Alec, Ray, Water, Sephirah, Mel) + 1, the plus one is my OMORI OC that I've been neglecting for a while, sorry bout that Patch, dear.

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A list of my tags! I need this myself too:

aria rants - for when I talk about nearly anything

aria rbs - for reblogs (aria srb for self reblog)

ariart - for my art! :3

arianswer - for when I answer asks!

ariau - for my AUs! It's mainly OMORI AUs though!

ariawrites - for the very rare writing I put out

ariafic - for posting links of fics that I've written :D

ariaplays: [name of game here] - for when I live blog some of my reactions for a game I'm playing, used it for aistf! (ariaplays: aistf, the tag for it basically)

There's more, I'm sure there's more, but I can't remember them... But those are the main ones I use anyway so that's fine!

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Some more stuff about me:

Can be very talkative, I like rambling in the tags a lot, I put many additional thoughts there ehe.

I adore Omori (character) a lot, he is the bestest ever. And I adore Cain Knightley very much, and Owen, and I am a caiowe/owecai shipper (they make me insane)

There's multiple ships that I like in OMORI. I like photobomb, as well as sunflower, and kel/basil (I failed you both I'm sorry I don't know your shipname), suntan, sunny/aubrey (I failed em too, I'm sorry my brain aint braining well with remembering shipnames). Even the polycule ships are nice too. And heromari, of course :D

Feel free to send me asks! or dms! or tag me! I don't mind really, I like interacting with people. But at the same time I can be an awkward bunny that also doesn't know how to interact with people... unless you're a mutual, you'll be seeing me a lot then >:3

It's a surprise really how I managed to have mutuals, I love yall <3

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Aaannndd that's a wrap! Might edit this in the future to add more or something but I'm satisfied with this for now! Thank you for reading and have a nice day ehe! :3

[sinisterlyliv]

I posted 125 times in 2022

That's 125 more posts than 2021!

6 posts created (5%)

119 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@doctorstrangeaskblog

@lokigodofaces

@asksinisterstrange

@ask-scott-lang-whatever

I tagged 44 of my posts in 2022

#stephen strange - 5 posts

#sinister strange - 4 posts

#agents of shield - 3 posts

#supreme strange - 3 posts

#doctor strange in the multiverse of madness - 2 posts

#doctor strange - 2 posts

#doctor strange: in the multiverse of madness - 2 posts

#defender strange - 2 posts

#leopold fitz - 2 posts

#no need to call me out like that - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#& also stuff about fitz...now that i'm really liking the idea of sinister using the darkhold to find out that fitz knows how to travel betw

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

*sighs* will i ever be satisfied with the picrew i make for my pfp?

0 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#4

🎶✨️when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)🎶✨️

Oh my heavens, I'm flattered. And I'm sorry it took me forever to respond! I was out of town and seeing family so I tried not to be on Tumblr that much. But I saw I got an ask and didn't have time to read it. I've had a sucky couple days (really fun to drive to another state to see family just to get horribly sick & then be nervous about spreading it when you go to a reception you know lots of elderly people will be at), and seeing this and reading what it actually says really made my day.

Here's a random selection of songs I listen to frequently.

Dvorak's "New World Symphony Movement Three"

Basil Poledouris' "Nuclear Scam" from The Hunt for Red October

Hesham Nazih's "Constellation" from Moon Knight

Panic! At the Disco's "Roaring 20s"

Don McLean's "American Pie"

Again thank you so much for this!

I don't think I even have 10 followers honestly, so if you aren't following me and see this for some reason, you're welcome to do it!

1 note - Posted November 20, 2022

#3

Pass the happy! When you receive this list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications 😙✨

This ask blog thing we've got going for characters. I only use this for rp. And I used to rp before on another site but it...wasn't that great? People took it way too seriously. Like, they were more worried about a word count than the story and characters and having fun. And personally I find word counts to be the least important in rp (I do understand wanting to have long paragraphs in some rps but I would never get mad at someone for having 230 words instead of 250). So I stopped because that sucked. But if I can send an ask to you or another blog like yours, I get a little taste of rp in a way that doesn't suck. And I've had WAY more fun than I thought I would and it's become way more of a thing for me. It started out as just anon asks since I don't use my main blog, I only use a side blog. I went and made a whole new account for this because I was having fun.

Family. Had a family get together this week so I've been having fun with them. They're family I haven't seen in forever too (they live on the East Coast and I live in a Western state) so it's great. And I've been seeing family a lot more lately since I'm going to live out of the country temporarily and I have a few cousins doing similar things, so we've been seeing each other more often to make up for the time we won't see each other. But I just love my family. My relationships aren't perfect by any means. But I know they won't abandon me because of something big or small.

So, I'll be living in Brazil temporarily, and I know no Portuguese. So I've been using Duolingo to learn some basics. And I took five years of Spanish between middle and high school, but that was pre-covid and I've lost a lot of it since then. But it's almost like I'm relearning Spanish as I'm learning Portuguese. Because in some ways Portuguese feels like Spanish that is written completely differently and has a very different accent. So far with the most basic of the basics, I can understand Portuguese if spoken and I can kind of speak it (still trying to get the handle of Portuguese pronunciation instead of Spanish pronunciation), but reading and writing is so much harder because there's different characters and everything is spelled way different (yo vs. eu). But then there's words that look like they might be exactly the same (como and bebo) but so far Duolingo has only shown me the one conjugation so I don't know what's going on with anything else or what the infinitive is. But it's actually so much fun. I'm relearning one language while learning another. And I have a knack for languages in general and enjoying learning languages, so this is really fun for me.

Writing. Writing fanfiction is just so fun and therapeutic and makes my brain go insane with happiness. All of my fics are linked on my other account, and to be honest I don't know if they'd appeal to any of the people I've interacted with here (you wouldn't guess that I don't have any Doctor Strange fics, would you? Stephen is a big deal in one of my Loki fics though, and I'm planning out some fics for Stephen and variants, but from this blog you'd think Stephen is my favorite when he actually isn't! He is in my top 4 though! Loki, Bucky, Coulson, Stephen, order can vary. Now that I got that tangent out of the way...).

Food. I love food. And I love cooking. I don't normally talk religiously (yes, I am Christian, a minority in Christianity too, I was harassed on a side blog on my other account by someone saying that Christians can't be queer and they called me terrible things so I don't feel comfortable talking about it that often any more), but the fact that we have both the ability to taste and so many ingredients that can be cooked and combined in delicious ways, at least to me, is very strong evidence that God loves us. Currently in a big nutella thing. Also, since I'm going to Brazil, people having been giving me Guaraná Soda, this Brazilian pop that tastes amazing, and I may have been looking up where I can buy it in the States by my house. Sushi is also extremely delicious. And I could go on and on but I'll stop now to save you all time.

1 note - Posted August 20, 2022

#2

*screams in agents of shield fan*

4 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

love how the fandom had sinister strange, defender strange, and strange supreme for maybe ten minutes (that's combining all of their screentime) and yet we're all obsessed with them

116 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[therealpactcommander]

i was putting it in tags but the need to yap was a little too strong

thorne is gender apathetic/agender and intersex. (he has Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH)) He wasn't really taught about gender roles especially since norn culture (outside of the Svanir and their misogynistic asses) sees all genders as equal. He has a very limited understanding of it but not in a transphobic way- more of a 'gender is the same as sex? I didn't have gender with your dad last night' way. He presents masculine and goes by he/him but he isn't really connected to it (doesn't see himself as a trans man (which he technically would be) or a cis guy, he just sees himself as Thorne Vætkisson.) You could refer to him by she/her or the like and he wouldn't mind, though would probably be a little confused since he grew up with people referring to him as he/him so that's just what he assumes is normal.

He's also gay/vincian. In his original storyline he had a mate named Basil, who was the partner of the oc Thorne was based off of, Thorne Wittebane. However, their story didn't line up with Vætkisson's arc so the main universe Thorne simply has various one-night stands for fun/relaxing until End of Dragons where he and Yao get together in a serious relationship after What Lies Within. (There are only 3 fics in Zhou Yao/Player Character on ao3 and i intend to remedy this. does 'Yao considers the commander to be cute and a keeper' mean nothing to yall /joke)

In the original story he has a biological daughter named Hazel with Basil in the future. Thorne was originally going to be together with Trahearne before going into a non-existant love life and then being with Yao but I recently solidified Thorne's timeline with ages and he would have been ~16 when meeting Trahearne so I changed it into Trahearne being a big brother figure.

Bonus: my other queer characters under cut

Bleepblorp Skrungle: He is aroace! he is not into romance or sex.

Garráncroí: Is gay/vincian and was dating Trahearne. Has not fully moved on but is starting to once he allows himself to have friends.

Salem Steelveil: Lesbian. Was supposed to be more butch but her current hairstyle looks really awesome. So not as butch as she can be but a butch lesbian. Dating Ivory!

Ivory Darkwood: Lesbian. Fem. Dating Salem!

Hunter Thornkin: Bi, Trans Man, is dating a Pan Demigirl Sylvari!

Alala Gunthild (new!): Lesbian

Happy Pride month gw2 tumblerinas! Here's a little Commander question for all of you:

What's your Commander's gender and sexuality?

[cherriesrae]

Verbena Whiskey

“ Y’know I never got to tell you how much I like your bunny slippers this morning.” She jumps and the voice, she looks to see who it is, Harry. He sat down directly in front of her while she was paying attention.| Or Liam’s human sister Y/N is like is the most protected person in San Francisco and Harry can’t get her out of his head

word count: 9k

I used the same vampire dynamics seen in 'The Vampire Diaries' so if you're going to get mad don't even bother reading it.

{join tag lists} {masterlist}

Is it 2 in the morning? Yes. Is it November in San Francisco? Also yes, but is it wrong for Y/N to want Thai food from the 24-hour restaurant a block from her house? She would think not. Y/N had been studying for a final in one of her design classes for a total of 6 hours at the 1 am mark and needed a break. She had spent the last 45 minutes debating whether or not she would go and the last 15 getting ready. She left her hair down and put on a dandelion yellow hoodie to pair with some dark grey biker shorts.

When she got inside she could smell the food she had been craving and knew that- unfortunately -Jason was going to be the one to sell it to her. Y/N had spoken to him on the phone when she ordered and that was the only part she was dreading. Jason had worked there on graveyard shifts for the last 8 months and always knew how to make her uncomfortable.

Things didn’t get awkward until he had seen her in a group of her friends after she went out to celebrate one of their engagements. He had tried to take her home and when he didn’t stop after she said no the bartender threw him out. Before that, he was just this fresh out of high school cutie, with his artificial cherry-red hair and soft jawline. A guy who would act playfully with her and always gave her extra chicken with her food.

“ Y/N, good to see you.” Jason had been the first one to talk, usually, it was just her that was up this late but there was a small group of people sitting in the corner enjoying the silence.

“ Hi Jason, I had the order of-“ he cut her off with a frustrated tone.

“ The Basil Box, yeah I know. I was the one who answered the phone.” He’s tapping buttons on the iPad that the place used for the cash register, Y/N feels like he’s pressing them too hard because the whole stand that it’s on is moving.

“ Right! Sorry! I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.” Y/N immediately tries to end the conversation so he doesn’t make it any more awkward for everyone else in the whole in-the-wall restaurant.

“ You walked all the way here dressed like that? Don’t you live a block or 2 away? Aren’t you scared someone is going to think you're a prostitute? Y’know and try to pick you up in their car?” Jason doesn’t know how to shut his mouth apparently because now the group in the corner aren’t talking at all. They are all looking at the altercation happening at the cash register.

“ First of all, where I live is really none of your concern, second: mind your own business and third: can I just pay for my food and go?” Y/N snaps at him- it’s rightfully deserved- and she can tell by the way his nostrils flare that this isn’t going to end with her enjoying her meal with and watching Teen Wolf with her cat.

“ Nope sorry, we stopped selling what you ordered a week ago and the chef is on his break.” He states while throwing her bag- at least Y/N assumes it’s her bag- of food into the trash can. “ I also have the right to refuse you because you are threatening me. Please leave the establishment before I call the police.” I stare at him, mouth wide open.

Did he really just do that?

Man, Y/N was really hungry.

Is she just supposed to leave?

“ LIAM!” Y/N shout to get the cook's attention.

“ Yeah? Oh hey Y/N should have realized you were coming by tonight, what’s up?” Liam greets Y/N while walking out from the kitchen, his prince-like hair now pulled back behind his head. Liam just so happens to not only live in Y/N ’s building but sat next to her in a bar- the same night she had to put Jason in his place- and the two hit it off instantly, platonically, of course, calls Y/N his little sister, even invited her to celebrate Christmas with his family when he realized she didn’t speak to her parents anymore.

“ Can you make me a Basil Box, level 3 spice, and extra tofu?” He nods and walks up to the counter to see what the real problem is.

“ I sure can but I know I already made of those tonight so let’s see, Jason? Where is Miss Y/N ’s Basil Box?” Liam, being born and raised in England, still had a British accent, not as thick as when she first met him but it's there. Jason is death glaring at her the whole time Y/N and Liam are speaking and she knows that Jason is about to either lose his job or get switched with Delilah e- a short woman who has beautiful tight curls and clear melanin-rich skin - who used to work these shifts before she got switched with Jason.

“ If you look to your left you’ll find it.”

“ Where? I don’t see it.” Liam’s voice is very monotone while he looks on the counter to the left of him.

“ He means the trash.”

“ The trash?” Liam asks amused and sarcastic.

“ The trash.” Jason answers forcefully.

“ Good news for you Y/N, you now have a free meal! Bad news for you Jason, because you're paying for the new one I have to make and the one you threw away.”

“ No, I am not!” Jason states through gritted teeth.

“ Yes you are, it's coming out of your paycheck.” Liam tells him while walking back to the kitchen.

After her food is done Liam walks out. “ Here you are, I added a couple extra lemon slices, a tea to go,” Liam puts the Y/N meal into a plastic bag and hands it to her. “ Have a safe walk home and text me when you get there, okay? Love you!”

“ Love you too Li!” Y/N grabs her phone and walks home to enjoy her food with Blueberry- her black Manx cat- but not before she bumps into someone.

“ Watch it.” The dark figure practically growls at her.

“ I’m so sorry, I should have been watching where I was going.” She starts to spew out apologies, “ Are you hurt-“ Y/N gets cut off by the figure pulling her into a thin alleyway between the two buildings they had crashed at, her bag of food in one hand and the other on her mouth.

Y/N could hear someone running towards the two.

“ You will not say a word,” he tells Y/N, staring her in the eyes, “ shhh.”

“ What?” She says in a whisper, his brows furrow but he doesn’t think twice before putting his hand over her mouth again. The footsteps stop a few feet from the alleyway and were coming from the same direction the Thai place was.

“ Leave me with my dinner, he is nothing to you.” The figure says barely above a whisper. She could see now that the figure was a man- a quite pretty one for that matter- had long dark hair, and a magnificent jawline. “ Haven’t seen a girl Jason, if I do I’ll let you know.” Y/N hears a couple of footsteps, then nothing at all.

“ Why- How did you know it was Jason? Why did he follow me? How did you hear him? Who are you?” She word vomits out questions faster than Blurberry eats her treats. He guides her out of the alleyway and hands Y/N her food.

“ Can I see your drink?” She hands it to the stranger, he opens it, smells it before closing the canister of hot tea again. “ Do you know Liam by chance?” Y/N nods.

“ Liam lives a floor above me, he gave me free tea because Jason threw my food away.” He gives a half-laugh at her answer.

“ Sneaky bastard. You must be Y/N, no?” Y/N nods again. “ When’s the last time you had Liam’s tea?”

“ Two days ago, he got me one right before my morning lecture, why?” He shakes his head a little and smirks looking at her.

“ Let me walk you home, yeah? I don’t trust that Jason doesn’t try to come back for you.” She nods, still shaken up.

“ How do you and Liam know each other?” Y/N tried to make small talk.

“ Met years ago, been like family.” He gives a short and sweet answer hoping to avoid any more questions.

“ Oh okay.”

By the time they reach her door her feet hurt and she is overly hungry.

“ I’d invite you in but I’m hungry and you're a stranger,” Y/N states matter-of-factly.

“ Makes sense, I’d keep that mentality if I were you, don’t invite anyone in. Especially strangers.” She thinks he’s crazy for a second but then thinks back to “what if I’m the crazy sleep-deprived one?” and drops the thought altogether.

“ Well, good night stranger who walked me home.”

“ Goodnight Y/N .” And with that, the front door is shut and he is gone.

It had been a week since the odd encounter with Jason and the Stranger, and when Y/N asked Liam about it he didn’t give her any answers but enough of a sense of comfort that she moved on.

Y/N ’s friends had been begging her to come out for a drink with them, and tonight she finally gave in. Meredith - her friend- told Y/N to be ready by 9, so when she honked her horn at 9:10 Y/N could run down and jump in her smart car.

Y/N has made fun of her before for having the smallest car ever, but it was truly the “best little engine that could” she has ever been in. Despite the lime green color she had been stuck with, it was cheap on gas and gave the two the perfect excuse to not give anyone rides.

Meredith was the one person Y/N took from her shitty small town in Missouri, she is and will always be her ride or die. She’s the one who helped Y/N take Blueberry when she left her parents- Y/N got her as a present on her 16th birthday and had to sneak her out because “we paid for her, she's our cat.”- she helped Y/N get an apartment at 18 with no credit or a steady job. She was her person.

“ I’m going to get a round of shots and then you want,” Meredith slowly fades out her voice as she tries to guess what drink Y/N will be having. “ Don’t tell me.”

“ But it’s just so much easier if I tell you.” Y/N gives her a slight pout hoping she’ll just let Y/N tell her.

“ Lemon Drop Martini?” Y/N nods and Merideth jumps up and down excitedly. “ And if they don’t have that, which they will, they always do, I’ll just get you what I’m having.” Y/N nods again as Merideth scurries off to the drinks while Y/N picks somewhere to sit. When Merideth comes back to the table with the drinks the two of them slam the shots like it was nothing.

“ God, I think we are alcoholics.” She pouts playfully at her realization. Tonight her bleached blonde hair is curled in big rounds and her almond eyes are accentuated with bold black lines of eyeliner and sparkling gold eyeshadow. “ Oh my fuck did I tell you about what Brad said to me?”

“ Cute Brad or racist Brad?” Y/N starts to sip from my drink.

“ Racist Brad. He came over to me and just started going on and on about how he would never date “someone like me” like 'what Brad? Smart? Beautiful?' So I asked him what he meant and you want to know what he said?”

“Oh no.” Y/N ’s eyebrows furrow in disgust.

“ Yeah right! Asian! He said Asian! As if I don’t have to deal with that kind of shit all the time Brad thinks it's good small talk. Asked if I was going back to China to celebrate with my family for the holidays, first of all, I’m not Chinese, I’m Japanese, and second I’m Asian American dumbass. ”

“ We can report him to the dean, can’t we?”

“ Already did, I doubt the rich old wh guy who makes money off of the basketball team is going to punish a starter.” She sits for a minute. “ How did Greta’s turn out?” She means the flower shop Y/N just drew up renovation plans for a final, she had a meeting with the shop owner Greta- a short old Italian woman who Y/N just adored -for a proposal to see if she was interested.

“ Passed the final and I start tomorrow.”

Y/N continued to sip her martini, Meredith does the same with her margarita. Meredith periodically leaves to go dance with someone who asked her- she's gorgeous so it doesn’t surprise Y/N -until Y/N ’s martini is done so she offers to go get the next round.

Y/N walks up to the bar and someone bumps into her.

Jason.

She quickly tries to get away from but he wraps his hand around where her arm creases and pulls her back in.

“ But sweetheart you had such confidence talking back to me while I was at work, why are you running now?” His breath reeks of cheap booze and she knows at that moment if someone doesn’t help, she's fucked.

“ Sir can you please let go of me, you're intoxicated, I can call you a cab.” Y/N uses a loud speaking voice so that way everyone can hear her and know that she needs help. He leans in close to her and looks her dead in the eyes, and takes a deep breath.

“ You're going to lean in and kiss me, I am going to walk away and you are going to meet me around the back.” He says it with such confidence it makes Y/N wonder how fucked up he really is. He lets go of her arm and leans back like he's waiting for something to happen.

Y/N takes her chance and swings her arm back and lets it rip back onto his cheek. He stumbles back a couple of steps.

“ Are you fucking delusional? I said no Jason, leave me alone or I’ll get a restraining order.” Y/N huffs out in frustration and looks at the bar. “ Strange guy who walked me home? I didn’t realize you worked here.” He has a deadly smirk on his face and tears his eyes from Jason who is looking at her in horror.

“ Why hello there,” he gives Y/N a toothy grin and whistles loudly, and steps on something to make himself taller. “ He’s out of here!” He shouts to the security, a round of cheers erupts around her. “ What can I get you Y/N ?”

Tonight he is put back in a bun on the back of his head. He’s wearing a tight black t-shirt and Y/N can see tattoos going up and down his arms that she didn’t see before, whether it was because it was so dark or because he was wearing something to block his arms, she doesn't remember.

“ Well I was drinking a martini but I want something warmer, what cheap sipping whiskey do you recommend?” His lips purse at her question and he tilts his head slightly, eyebrow raised.

“ How about I give you one of my favorites on the house and if you like it, I’ll let you take a whole bottle home?”

“ You're not trying to drug me, are you?” Y/N tilts her head slightly in the same direction and the same eyebrow raised as if to mock him. He dramatically puts his hands over his heart and hits his chest dramatically.

“ You really think that low of me?” He starts pouring her a drink as Y/N giggles. “ I think Liam would kill me if he ever found out something happened to you, and I was involved.” Y/N takes a sip and lets it sit on her tongue for a couple of seconds before moving it around in her mouth then swallowing.

“ Wow okay, that’s some good shit, must be expensive, tastes kind of familiar.” He pulls a bottle and writes her name on it.

“ It’s from a small little town in Canada, made by this old French guy and is fermented with verbena, not as expensive as you think though.”

“ Can I also get a strawberry daiquiri? It’s for my friend, put it on my tab, I’ll be right back.” He makes it for her and she runs it back to Meredith before running back to the bar. “ Did you say “verbena”?” He nods. “ Oh, Liam got me hooked on that shit. Gave me my own little plant, which turned into 2, then to 4 and now I have 8 different kinds growing in my apartment.” His eyes got huge, “… is that a weird thing to say? I’m sorry Liam first started giving me tea packets for my cramps and now I put it in everything.”

“ I think I’m going to like you.”

“ Well, can you like me while I know your name?”

“ It’s Harry.”

Y/N ends up stumbling into her apartment, Liam had to come to pick her up because Meredith left with a girl she met at the bar and she didn’t feel safe in an Uber after Jason.

“ Why don’t you ever tell me about your hot friends,” Y/N whined while leaning on him. “ Didn’t tell me about Jason, but he’s a douche now. But Harry, could sit and listen to him talk for years. He’s hot too.”

“ You met Harry? When did you meet him?”

“ The other night when you had to remake my food, accidentally ran into him and he-“ she cut herself off. “ Well I don’t know what he did exactly but he did push us in between the buildings and hide me, said something about Jason then walked me home.” She hiccups and lets out a soft stream of separated giggles.

“ What’s so funny Bug?” Liam sets Y/N on her bed and starts to remove her shoes.

“ Was thinking about him naked but I can’t stop thinking about his face when I told him about that stuff I drink for my cramps, told him about how it was a godsent-“ She hiccup again and he grabs a big t-shirt- probably his -from her dresser drawer. “ Thought I was crazy for sure.” she dragged out the end of the word for fun.

“ Did he come inside after he walked you home?” Y/N shakes her head. He throws the shirt over her bra, pulls it down past her chest, then he reaches back to unclip it and help get it off.

“ Such a gentleman Li,” he lets out a soft laugh and continues to help her get ready for bed. After he carries her to the bathroom and sets her on the counter to get her to start brushing her teeth, he walks away to go make her a cup of tea before bed.

When he walks back in, to check if Y/N had finished brushing her teeth- she had -and he starts using her cotton rounds and her micellar water to take off her makeup.

“ Said I shouldn't invite anyone into my apartment.”

“ Who said that Bug?” Liam blows on the tea to make sure it’s cooled down enough to not burn her tongue. “ Drink.” He gives it to her before doing her skincare.

“ Your friend Harry the Hottie, wasn’t a big deal but it was weird.” Y/N huff a shrug. “ Did you meet him in England?”

“ No, I met him in Italy actually. Why?” He quirks his brow before kissing her forehead and taking the now empty mug out of her hand.

“ He’s British too, hot British.” He sets the mug on the counter in the bathroom before picking her up to carry her back to her bed.

“ You're such a koala bear, might have to start calling you that,” Y/N wrapped her legs around his waist and arms squeezing his neck.

After she's all prepped and tucked into bed Liam leaves her and locks her front door and leaves a note on her fridge.

Harry hadn’t been able to get Y/N off of his mind- maybe it was the portrait Liam was painting of her for Christmas sitting in the back room of his bar, maybe it was Liam altogether -so imagine his surprise when he walked into Gretas to ask if she could help him- again -with his plants at his bar- they kept dying and Harry hadn't a clue of why- only to see the most vampire protected human in San Francisco, sitting on the floor, bulky headphone over her ears blocking out on of her vital senses. He stopped and stared for a second but when Greta herself came out to talk to Y/N and saw Harry went over to talk to him. “ Are they dead again?” Harry nods his head slowly shifting his attention to the short woman in front of him.

“ I don’t know what I’m doing wrong Greta.” She shakes her head and starts up a conversation with him about what might be happening. Even though he was actively participating in the conversation with her he couldn’t help but let his mind drift to why Y/N was also in the shop. When the conversation about the plants ends he starts one about Y/N.

“ So what is Y/N doing here?” He asks and Greta turns to look at her before answering Harry.

“ She is doing the shop's redesign, offered to do it for free but I know that money is tight with her so I hired her.” Greta smiles. “ Reminds me of a younger version of my eldest daughter, makes this place seem less empty, yeah?” Harry can’t help but agree with her. “ If you really can’t get your plants to stay alive, ask her, sounds like you know her so it shouldn’t be hard. She's good with stuff like that.”

“ I think I will, don’t tell her I was here though, I don’t want her to know yet.” Greta nods and with that, he leaves, once again with Y/N on his mind.

It had been 2 weeks since the last altercation with Jason. It was 1 am and Y/N had just woken up from a nightmare and couldn't find Blueberry. She called Liam twice to see if he had her and he didn’t answer either time. So in a pair of gray sweats and a spaghetti strap cami, she hurried to the elevator to see if he was awake.

“ Liam, I’m sorry if you're sleeping but I need your help,” Y/N says loud enough for him to be able to hear her through the door but not loud enough to wake everyone else up around them. Knocking on the door until it is opened, she expects to see Liam but it was Harry.

“ I’m sorry if I’m disturbing you guys, but have you seen Blueberry?” Harry steps back from the door and calls Liam over to it.

“ Y/N !” Liam says with wide eyes and immediately walks out and shuts the door. “ What are you doing Bug? It’s 1 am, told me you were going to sleep early tonight.” Her eyes begin to well up and she gets historical.

“ I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bother you didn’t know you had guests.” He pulls Y/N into a big bear hug.

“ Take a breath with me quick, okay?” He guides her through the breath. “ Okay, what's the matter?”

“ I had a nightmare again and I can’t find Blueberry, I was hoping she was with you.” She sniffles and he rubs her back, “ I really didn’t know that you had people over, I’m sorry.”

“ Shh, none of that, she's in my bedroom, wanna come inside for a second?” Y/N nods her head but follow it with,

“ Yeah, but you have friends over, I'm sorry for bothering you.” She lets go and begins to walk away before he grabs her arm and pulls her back to him.

“ Come on, make you some tea and you can just stay here.”

“ Okay.”

He brings her inside and she doesn't remove her head from his chest.

“ You okay Y/N ?” Y/N hears Harry ask and she just shakes her head no.

“ She had a nightmare, she's going to sleep here tonight.” Liam informs him.

“ Oh, okay,” Harry says, she can't see what he's doing but she hears things shuffling around. Y/N steps on Liam’s feet so he can walk her to the bedroom without moving her head and as she hears the bedroom door open she also hears muffled screams.

“ What’s that?” Y/N goes to pick her head up but Liam pushes it back into his chest.

“ The T.V. don’t worry about it.”

“ Shut up before I pull your tongue out, Y/N is trying to sleep,” Harry tells Jason. Jason is currently restrained to a chair and has a cloth in his mouth. Harry turns on the T.V. and “ It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia'' comes on. He turns it up so Y/N can hear the T.V. instead of screams. Liam also turns on the T.V. in his bedroom for Y/N to watch while she cuddled Blueberry. “ You're lucky I didn’t kill you when you were waiting for her to open her door tonight.”

Liam- who is making verbena and chamomile tea for the sleepy girl in the bedroom -jumped into the conversation. “ You're lucky she was too fucked up to realize you were waiting by her friend's car when she tried to leave the bar.”

“ Seriously mate, what the fuck is wrong with you.” Harry has a dropper bottle of verbena concentrate and is dropping little drops onto Jason's bare skin, leaving a burn whatever it touches. “ You died. I gave you a second chance, and you throw it all away by going after Liam’s human family?”

“ Told you he has a death wish,” Liam walks over and puts the cup of tea into the bedroom, “ Be careful it's still hot,” Liam says to Y/N, but no one else dares make a sound. Liam walks out and shuts the door. “ In a town run by vampires, you really thought you could go after the one person we said not to and live?”

“ God you're a fucking idiot, did you know that?” Harry drops some more concentrate on him to get a reaction.

“ So now that we have my Bug sleeping in my bedroom we are going to let you go with a final warning, leave her alone-” Harry cuts off Liam.

“ -or I’ll remove your head from your body.” Liam pats Harry on the shoulder.

“ Can you clean this up, I gotta go lay with her and make sure that she's okay?” Harry nods

When Y/N wakes up the window is open and so is the bedroom door. “ Li?” No response. She can hear someone in the kitchen so she gets up and walks out of the bedroom, “ Liam, are you still here?” When she walks into the kitchen, instead of seeing Liam, Y/N sees Harry, wearing gym shorts, and nothing else.

“ Good Morning, how did you sleep?” He turns around and smiles at her.

“ Good… where's Liam?”

“ He had somewhere to go.” He smirks at her, walking toward her. “ Liam told me you thought I was cute… what were your exact words? Harry the Hottie?”

“ W-what?”

“ God, do you know how sexy I think you are? Could eat you up in a quick second, or… could go at it for hours…” It sounds so suggestive, Y/N can’t help but feel a tingle work its way down her spine.

“ I- uh… Harry, what are you doing?” He’s walking towards her, he gets down on his knees in front of her.

“ Would you like that? For me to eat you for hours?” He kisses her stomach where her cami had risen up, “ bet I could do it right, get you off at least twice in 5 maybe 10 minutes. Would you want me to?”

“ H- Harry I-,” Y/N gets cut off.

“ Y/N .” She hears a voice, it sounds like Liam but she doesn't know where it’s coming from. “ Bug wake up.”

Y/N opens her eyes to see Liam standing over her, “ Are you okay?” Y/N blinks the sleep out of her eyes, bringing her hands up to wipe them.

“ Yeah, what time is it?” Y/N ’s voice is still filled with sleep.

“ It's only 8, came to wake you because I didn’t know what time your lecture started and I heard you huffing, puffing, got concerned.”

“ My lecture is at 10, thanks for waking me, I should probably go get dressed so I can make it there on time.” Liam has this wide grin on his face. “ What's got you all smiley?”

“ What were you dreaming about?” Y/N furrows her eyebrows at him.

“ Nothing? Why?” She stands up and wraps the comforter around her body.

“ Didn’t sound like nothing. Actually, it sounded like moaning.”

“ Leave me alone Liam.” She walks over to the connected bathroom and grabs her toothbrush- a purple one that Liam had bought especially for her -and starts brushing her teeth.

“ So it doesn’t have anything to do with a long-haired friend of mine.”

“ Ew Liam doesn’t say shit like that, it’s gross.” Y/N gave him a disgusted look.

“ I meant Harry, y’know because you were calling his name.” Y/N ’s face drops in shock.

“ Leave me alone.” He laughs at her as she walks back into the bedroom, “ I’m hungry, smells good, what are you making?” She walks towards the kitchen only to see Harry standing over the stovetop on the island. Y/N didn’t end up stopping, when she saw him, she just continued until she was walking out the door. “ This is my blanket now, get a new one.” Y/N yells to Liam and she can just hear the both of them laughing.

Harry watched as Y/N runs out of the door Liam’s comforter is wrapped tightly around her body. He couldn’t help but laugh quietly to himself. “ Your little human is having dirty dreams about my Liam.”

Liam’s continued laughs get louder as he enters the kitchen to walk to the front door and close it. “ Her reaction to getting caught is what's funny, not the fact that my sister is having sex dreams about you.” Liam says with a scary amount of authority.

“ Wonder if I made her cum,” Harry only had a short amount of time to laugh before he was on the ground, with Liam on top of him.

“ It’s not funny Harry.”

“ Fine fine, not another word about it.” Harry laughs out, with this Liam climbs his way off of Harry. “ I have to go see Elizabeth, I’ll talk to you later though, yeah?” Harry is walking out the door before Liam can ask any questions about it.

Was Harry going to see Elizabeth? Yes. Was he going to make sure that Y/N got to her lecture first? Also yes. Harry waits across the street from the apartment building, standing in front of glass doors that lead to a Planet Fitness and as soon as he sees Y/N walk at the front doors, it's game time.

He sees Y/N start to walk, “holy shit she’s going to walk?” Harry can’t help but think to himself. He's a good 25 feet behind her, she makes a left turn and the chase is on.

Right

Cross the road

Left

Right

Right

Cross the road

At this point they have been walking for a good 3 miles, one last left turn and he officially followed her all the way to campus, “wow that sounds much creepier than it was”....” kind of” Now that she is safe, he decides he can go to Elizabeth, in order to do that he had to cross the bridge to Oakland.

Elizabeth is a woman who had the “pleasure” of meeting over a century ago, she’s beautiful, sure. But Harry has never seen anything more shallow than this singular woman, and he's been around since 1789. She has long black hair and beautiful porcelain skin- some would even say transparent- that held piercing electric blue eyes and thin lips- usually painted some sort of shade of scarlet-. When Harry had met Elizabeth she had been the woman on a move, an icon for people around her. Women needed to be like her and men needed to be with her, she had gotten used to shadowing her veins to a dark blue, keeping out of the sun- even on cold days -to keep her skin pale. The first time she saw Harry she had no clue who he was, and could care less if she was honest. She had been getting invited to party after party with different rich families throughout England. So when Harry had danced with mostly everybody but her, she questioned him.

Harry had made a name for himself back in 1860, the rich heir to a compound on the outskirts of London and it had appalled her that she was not good enough for him. So he let her in on his little secret and she had been drinking his blood like a supplement until the chemicals in her makeup killed her, then she ran off with Harry to Italy, where he met Liam. Harry soon after ditched her in Rome and fled to America, traveled all over until she found him here, 5 years ago in San Francisco.

Once Harry had passed the bridge and made it to the oldest house on her street he pushed open the doors, “ Elizabeth?” He yelled.

“ I’m in the tea room darling.” Elizabeth always had a thick American accent, being born in New York back in 1843 and living there till she was 12 in 1855 when she moved with her father after he mother had passed. “ Well I see this was not a pleasure visit, you're barely dressed.”

“ Just because I have good fashion taste doesn’t mean I don’t like to be comfortable with Elizabeth.” Harry had not thought anything wrong with his choice of clothing today- the gym shorts he was wearing this morning and a hoodie- he had really only really come to visit her because he had to.

“ I am always dressed for the occasion of seeing you.” Elizabeth batted her eyes and took a sip of the cold blood sitting in her teacup as if it were earl grey. Elizabeth is wearing a black- the material looks like velvet -cocktail dress, hair up in a sleek bun.

“ Cut the crap Elizabeth. I told you to stop stealing from my stash months ago and you know what?” She hums out as if to ask “what is there to know?” “ I’m all out of B+, O- and AB+. Crazy seeing as my dear friend Liam, you remember Liam right?” She just rolls her eyes.

“ Of course, how could I forget the man you ran away with?”

“ Well his painting of his human sister is gone, the one that he was going to give to her for Christmas.” Harry sits in the white- now a cream color from age - with embroidered floral patterns chair across from her. Arms crossed over his chest accusingly.

“ Well, I guess he shouldn’t have missed it.” Elizabeth pouts like a baby getting up and walking away, leaving her teacup in the saucer next to her chair. “ I don’t know why you're here Harold, I don’t have what you are looking for.” With that she walks into the living room, leaving Harry to follow her and stand next to the grand staircase.

“ Really? you wouldn’t know anything about Y/N’s portrait? You’d know her face if you had seen it I guess. She’s just beautiful, could probably start and end wars over her if I’m honest.” Harry understands that if he can’t get answers by asking, he needs to force it out of her.

“ Oh really now.” Harry could hear the building's anger in Elizabeth’s tone.

“ You truly have nothing on that woman. From the time I have spent with her alone,” Harry forces an emphasis on the word, “ she is just so kind, compassionate, warm, not to mention her natural beauty is what really makes her and 11 in a sea of 6’s.”

“ SHE LOOKED LIKE A SKANK TO ME!” Elizabeth’s eyes immediately widened with her confession. “ You did that on purpose! That’s not fair, you can’t win by cheating, you know the rules!” Now it’s Harry’s turn to roll his eyes.

“ There is no game Elizabeth, give me the portrait, I made you young and beautiful because you asked. You don’t get to throw a fit when you're no longer interesting to me because you're too obsessed with yourself.” She vampire runs over to him and breaks a piece of the railing off to stake him, Harry though being the older and much faster one grabs the arm with the make-shift stake, disarms her, and pulls her arms behind her back against his chest. Holding the stake to her heart he speaks very calmly. “ Elizabeth, I gave eternal beauty, I gave you a second chance at life. Do not make me take it from you. You are going to tell me where the portrait is and for every second you hesitate, I will push your weapon of choice a little further into your chest. Do you understand me?”

“ Yes sir.” She answers so fast, “ guess all it took was herself being on the line.” Harry thinks to himself. “ It’s up the stairs in the locked door to the left.” Harry begins his way up the staircase, Elizabeth still against him. When they get to the door, he kicks it in.

“ There is her beautiful face.” Harry speaks softly in her ear. “ Thank you, darling,” and with that, he snaps her neck. “ Much easier to do this when I don’t have to worry about you staking me in the back. Now that he has everything he needs, he leaves with no hesitation.

Y/N decided to go for a run after her lecture and were starving afterward so she headed to Thai The Way- the restaurant Liam worked at -it was really the only restaurant she liked. So around 4:00 pm, Y/N headed down to the restaurant, deciding she would eat in the restaurant today, knowing Liam was already at work. When she walked in Delilah and was standing at the register. “ Y/N it’s so good to see you!” She walks out from behind the counter to come to hug her.

“ Gee am I glad it’s you and not Jason.” Y/N gave her a great big squeeze genuinely excited to see her favorite hostess.

“ Yeah, he got fired yesterday, something about his customer service.” She shrugged her shoulders like she didn’t have a clue. Stuffing her face into Y/N’s neck she took a big whiff. “ You smell really good today.” Y/N’s cheeks flush.

“ Just got done working out and decided I wanted food.” She picks her head out of Y/N’s neck, her face had veins bulging out, and her eyes had gone red. “ Are you okay? You look kind of sick.” Delilah e just turned around and started breathing heavily. She walked back behind the counter and when she looked at Y/N again she was fine.

“ Lemme guess, Basil Box?” Y/N nods her head at her question.

“ Level 3 please.” She nodded at Y/N’s response.

“ You're number 5, when your food is ready I’ll bring it to you.” Y/N gives her a “thank you”, takes her number, and sits in a seat close to the window that looks out on the street. Y/N loved people watching, seeing the different people walk by.

“ Y’know I never got to tell you how much I like your bunny slippers this morning.” She jumps and the voice, she looks to see who it is, Harry. He sat down directly in front of her while she was paying attention.

“ Thanks, my friend Meredith got them for me for Christmas.” Y/N looks back out the window.

“ So do you happen to like gardening?” Y/N looks at him with a weird look on her face. “ You told me about the mini garden in your apartment.” She has an ‘oh’ look before answering.

“ Yeah, I've been thinking about applying at the flower shop on 7th street actually.” He smiles.

“ Well, why don’t you come help with the plants at the bar?”

“ The bar you work at?” He hesitated for a second before answering.

“ Yeah, my boss needs someone to help with the remodel and I could put a good word in if you’d like a job for gardening.” Y/N can feel her eyes light up.

“ I’m studying design at SFSU! Maybe I can go in and apply for interior design.” She pulls out her phone, “ here let me give you my number so you can give it to them.” The two of them exchange numbers. “ I did this place a couple of months back.” He looks around admiring all of the 50’s diner aesthetics she had created. “ Also did the flower shop on 7th, the woman who owns that, her name is Greta, she's so sweet.” He nods.

“ So I’ll have them get some pictures of the ideas they’ve had and I’ll get back to you?” She nods. “ Okay, it's a date.” He gets up and walks out of the restaurant.

It's a date?

Harry had sent her what his boss wanted within a couple of hours, it was a very dark academy meets nightclub. So over a few days, she made mood board after mood board on Pinterest so she had all of her ideas in one spot.

Harry: “ Hi Y/N, I’m supposed to see if you could meet with me so you can see the layout and make some sort of draft to be okayed, would tomorrow work?”

With every text he sent Y/N got a little more excited for the next.

Y/N: “ I am free tmr so that would be ok, will I be meeting the owner? I already have plenty of ideas from when I was there last.”

Harry: “ Unfortunately no, they went to Cancun and left me in charge and I am supposed to email the draft when it is done. They told me to tell you not to rush through.”

Y/N: “ Ok, what time should I show up?”

Harry: “ Shall we say 10 am? We can take a look at the plants to see what's wrong with them too.”

Y/N: “ Ok 10 AM tmr got it. Goodnight Harry!”

Harry: “ Goodnight Pet.”

So at 10 am when Y/N shows up at the bar and Harry is standing behind the counter in a wife-beater, pour himself a glass of a dark liquid. She says the first thing that comes to her mind, “ Harry this isn’t going to work if we are both drunks y’know.” His million-dollar smile shows up and she sets her plans down along with her bag. “ I got you a coffee, Liam said you were allergic to verbena so I didn’t put any in yours, hope that's okay.”

“ Perfectly okay Pet, my throat swells shut and I can’t breathe so it’s probably best I don’t use verbena.” She nods and opens her spreadsheet on a table that didn’t have any chairs on it. “ I thought the whole point of you showing up today was so that way you had blueprints to work off of, what's this?”

“ Well, fun fact, if you tell the construction company they hired that you are working on the project and you're pretty, they’ll just send them right over.” Y/N gives him a nervous laugh hoping he won’t be upset at her for some reason.

“ Brilliant! I guess I can just take a look right now then can’t I?”

[blueprints]

After Harry takes a picture of the plans and sends them to his boss, he gets the okay and she leaves the plans with him so he can give them to the construction crew.

“ Hey, what else do you have planned today?” Harry asks her, trying to sound nonchalant.

“ Probably go to the gym, head home and make dinner and end it by cuddling with Blueberry, why?”

“ What if I make you dinner?” Harry now leaning against the door frame looking outside to Y/N.

“ Well yeah we could do that, I guess… wait like at my house?” Y/N looks as if she's going through all the stages of grief at once.

“ No. it would be at my house, I can text you the address. See you at 8?”

“ You don’t have to work?” Y/N checks the clock on her phone, it now says 11:12 am.

“ No, I took the day shift today, I work from noon to 6. So 8?”

“ Okay,” she lets out a sigh of contentment, “ I’ll see you at 8.” And with that, she's off to go tell Blueberry.

“ Holy shit am I ready for a shower.” Y/N thinks to herself as she is walking out of the doors of the gym across the street from her apartment building. People stop and stare at the sweat ball of a person outside of the gym doors. Y/N would be lying if she said it didn’t make her uncomfortable, but only because it happened so often. She’d be sweating and it felt like everyone within a 10-mile radius could smell her BO and decided to silently judge her- little did she know that it wasn’t the BO wasn’t the reason strangers were staring, but vampires were smelling but the blood vessels through the open sweat glands -. Y/N looks both ways before making a break for it across the street. She goes to open the door with her keys but as she's looking for them she remembers she left them by the sink in her kitchen. “ Fuck,” Y/N drags out the word in frustration. She clicks Liam’s buzzer hoping he's home “ Liam are you home?”

“ Hello?” She can hear the crackly sound of his voice through the buzzer.

“ I left my keys in my apartment, can you let me up?”

“ Well well, Miss Bug forgot her keys.”

“ Liam, please? I have dinner plans at 8 and I have to shower.”

“ I don’t know, what do you think, Harry?”

“ Harrys at yours?”

“ Yeah, why?”

“ Just wondering can you please just let-'' You get cut off by a hand covering your mouth. You scream for help in muffled cries.

“ Y/N?”

“ You gave me a second chance and you can take it back right?” She can recognize the voice.

Jason.

“ Jason, what the fuck are you doing?” Now it's Harry's voice coming through the speaker. “ Leave her be.”

“ No right Harry? I’m dead. I died. So what's the point?” Jason tucks his head into Y/N’s neck so he was face to face with her artery. “ I’ve waited so long for you Y/N, you have to know clue.”

Suddenly it feels like she is moving at the speed of sound. Y/N closes her eyes tight so she doesn’t get sick, it feels like they had only been going for 5 minutes before they stopped in front of a big Victorian-style house she had never seen before. Jason moves her through the door and into a big room with muted emerald green walls.

A woman is sitting there waiting for them to arrive, and “ god she's pretty” Y/N thinks to herself. “ You must be Y/N, your portrait looks nothing like you. I bet Harry hasn’t even seen you in person.” The woman gets up and it looks like she just appeared in front of her but Y/N knows that this isn't possible, people can do that. “ Answer me!” This grown woman is throwing a fit in front of her and all she can think about it is how they know Harry. “ Are you Y/N or not?” She just nods her head. “ Wasn’t so hard now was it?” Y/N shakes her head this time. The woman gets in her face and stares her directly in the eyes, “ you will give me your phone.”

Without hesitation Y/N pulls it out and hands it to her, scared of what might happen if she doesn’t. The woman asks for the password so she gives it to her, “ 0-8-2-9.” Just as Y/N is about to ask what is happening, Harry walks into the room. “ Harry!” She just about shouts to get his attention.

“ Shut up you prostitute!” The woman yells at Y/N. “ Why hello Harold, what a good surprise it is to see you.”

“ Elizabeth, call off your attack dog.” Harry’s voice is monotone.

“ I made him a promise actually, where is Liam?” Elizabeth grabs a cheese-spreading knife from her side table before sitting down in her chair.

“ Outside.” Elizabeth laughs.

“ Oh, right he hasn’t been invited in! Y/N, have you invited Liam into your home?” Elizabeth seems to be having fun with all of this. “ I bet you have, I looked and your name is on Liam's lease so you probably had to invite Harry in'' Jason cuts her off.

“ I remember when you invited me into Liams.” Y/N is just looking around confused.

“ Harry, what are they talking about? I want to go home.” She manages to get out with no stutters.

“ She doesn’t know?” Elizabeth laughs, “ oh honey, so young, so ignorant, so useless. We’re vampires, darling!” All the air in Y/N’s lungs seems to disappear.

“ Y/N listen to me, I will tell you everything, just breathe for now, okay?” She just nods, trusting Harry the most in the room, considering one of them has sexually harassed her and the other had had her kidnapped, Harry was the best bet.

“ Well this is the end of my part,” Elizabeth stands up and hands Y/N’s phone to Harry. “ Go ahead, Jason.”

With the okay Jason tucks his head into her neck and bites down- hard -Y/N can feel the skin break and she lets out a scream. Shortly after her scream, Jason lets out his own. “ Vervain!” He manages to get out while choking. As soon as Jason fell to the ground, the cheese spreader Elizabeth had picked up was thrown and stabbed into Y/N’s abdomen.

“ Harry?” Y/N asks before falling to the ground in agony.

Harry looks at Elizabeth and with no hesitation, “ Goodbye Elizabeth,” he pulls her heart out, “ See you in hell.” Harry then appears in front of a very loopy Y/N- blood loss - and he pulls the knife out, slowly so it doesn't hurt as much.

“ MOTHERFUCKER!” Y/N yells from the top of her lungs, Harry chuckles before biting his arm and putting it to her mouth. “ I’m not going to drink your fucking blood that's disgusting.”

“ It will heal you, hurry please before Jason gets up.” So she follows his orders and Harry pulls her to his chest, and petting her hair back, “ That's it Pet, you're okay.” Harry kisses her on the top of her head. Before pulling his arm away from her and picking her up cradling her like a baby. Carrying her outside to Liam.

“ It’s okay Bug, sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.

When she opens her eyes again she is sitting in Liam’s bedroom, Blueberry cuddled up next to her. “ You're awake!” Harry is sitting on the end of the bed. “Scared the crap out of me, I’m so so so sorry Y/N.”

“ You need to tell me what's going on, right now.” Y/N has made up her mind and she needs to know what's going on.

“ Harry and I are vampires. I met Harry in Italy a couple of years after I was turned in 1872. We don’t feed on humans, and if we do it's consensual, but we mainly drink blood bags.” Y/N spends almost no time at all on the fact that her only family is dead, moves on

looking at Liam who is standing in the doorway.

“ Why did you become so close with me? Were you planning on turning me?” Liam shakes his head.

“ I needed someone-” Liam rephrases. “ I needed a human to sign the lease so no vampire could get in without being invited in because vampires can walk into human-owned buildings.” She nods. “ After I found out about your parents, you reminded me of myself right before I turned and I had this need to be there for you.” She nods.

“ How do you go out during the day?” Harry laughs.

“ I know a witch that makes up daylight rings, give them to people I know I can trust-” Harry gets cut off by Liam.

“ -like Delilah, she has a daylight ring.” Liam walks and sits next to Y/N on his bed. “ Every vampire in this town knows who you are, and knows to protect you at all costs.”

“ That's how you get around so flawlessly at night, they’re all watching you. And if anyone steps out of line-” Liam cuts Harry off as Harry leans back so his head is lying on Y/N’s blanket-covered spread thighs.

“-it's an immediate stake to the heart. We gave them a second chance or showed them how to be a vampire, so if they disobey us, game over.”

“ Oh and verbena is just another word for vervain, Liam thought if he told you it was vervain and you told somebody, you’d be a target.” Harry grabs her hand and puts it in his hair as he is talking.

“ Okay, but what does verbena even do?” Y/N asks, carding her fingers through Harry’s hair.

“ It is like a poison to vampires.” Liam answers.

“ Haven’t found a single person who knows why just that it is.” Harry continues the thought.

“ Are you hungry? Got some food Delilah dropped off from the Thai shop when she heard what happened.” Y/N nods her head yes and Liam leaves the room to go get it. Harry sits up so he is facing her.

“ Listen I understand if you don't want to go on our little date anymore, y’know me being a vam-” Harry is cut off by Y/N pushing their lips together.

“ You just saved my life, have a whole town of people watching after me, and think the fact that now I know means I don’t like you anymore?” Y/N is genuinely confused when she asks. Harry just nods his head yes. “ God you're stupid,” she pushes their lips together for a second time. Harry smiles into the kiss.

“ You think me saving your life was cool, wait until you see my house.” He snickers with a big toothy grin.

------

lemme know what y'all think.... {join tag lists}

[the-three-whumpeteers]

AngelBreaker Part 2

this took longer than it should've so im just gonna say,,, uhh part 3 in hopefully less than a month lmao

also hey! first drop of blood

part 3 has more though

as for contents here

I don't know if @befuddled-calico-whump you wanted to be tagged but hopefully this is okay-

Basil is sick, much to his dismay. Very implied amputation. Blood, although its nothing big. Basil is in a state of panic. North touches Basil's wings which is extremely uncomfortable. And i think thats it-

Basil woke up surrounded by the pitch black. His shivering was worse and he felt- well, he couldn’t be sick, angels don’t get sick. He was trying to use his wings like some kind of blanket, but it didn’t help and he kept feeling miserable. He tried to just fall back to sleep, but it’s like his body wanted him to be miserable when his life had already fallen apart. Basil just felt completely defeated and didn’t want to be alone, in the dark, while his brain keeps mocking him about what happened to him. Basil finally sat up, but this wasn’t home where he could just go to his study and read, or go outside and enjoy the sun-

He really shouldn’t be thinking about his old life, not when it’s something that he’s never going to experience again.

Regardless of his old life, Basil needed to at least stretch his legs. He stumbled forward before he finally caught himself with the help of...the cell bars? At least that’s what they felt like. Basil has the bars a good pull, which really didn’t do much besides make a loud rattling noise. He winced at how loud it was, it really didn’t help given his condition. He was able to hear people shuffling around him, although he couldn’t put his finger on just how many. He turned around to pace some more, and he really didn’t realize just how loud he was being this whole time.

“Can you please just be quiet? Some of us are trying to sleep” the voice- the one that had first talked to him.

“Ah- sorry, but aren’t you-”

“That’s not being quiet”

“...oh, right, so-”

“I’m trying to tell you to shut up”

Basil finally shut his mouth, sitting against the bars and trying to use his wings to warm himself up again. He felt bad about making so much noise, but he wanted to know who this person was- maybe just for his own comfort.

“...Can you at least tell me your name..?” Basil asked quietly, hoping the basement was quiet enough to be heard.

He heard shuffling and a sigh, but he didn’t know if this was a good sign or not.

“You know, learning names here is the last thing you want, it’s easier to get over people disappearing that way” the voice commented before an award silence fell between them both. It took a bit longer for Basil to hear anything else.

“But, if you insist, Iris”

Basil looked in the direction of The- Iris’ voice “...oh, I didn’t think you’d tell me” he muttered to himself, although apparently, it was loud enough for Iris to hear- probably because the basement was completely quiet otherwise.

“I don’t really lose anything, and are you going to tell me your name or not? It’s only fair”

“Oh- sorry, I’m Basil,” he said quickly.

“Like the plant?”

“Isn’t Iris also a plant?”

“Okay... okay, touché” She chuckled.

They both fell into another moment of silence, although this one wasn’t as awkward as the one they’d had before. Sure, Basil still felt sick, but it was nice to know that the person in front of him didn’t hate him. Silences in the strange basement made the time go by surprisingly fast since apparently, Basil had fallen asleep while leaning against the bars- his wings would kill him for days but that’s probably the least of his concerns.

He was startled awake by the sound of footsteps, and he could see a faint glow coming from the stars. Basil could hear people around him scrambling around their cage. Iris, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care. Iris just looked tired and was giving him some kind of pitiful look, which really did concern Basil.

The footsteps got louder and the light grew brighter, and finally, Basil could see North coming into the basement. North looked as formal as he had looked before, and Basil felt strangely uncomfortable about it- after all, North definitely had power in the underworld.

Why had he trusted North before? Basil just felt like an idiot now, maybe he really was that desperate for some kind of help.

He was startled when North opened the door to his cage, staring at him expectantly. Basil stood slowly but backed up towards the wall, only to be grabbed and pulled towards the stars.

North’s hand was bleeding again.

Basil was practically dragged up the stairs, as he struggled to keep up with North, who refused to let go of his arm despite his sounds of protest. North only stopped to touch his forehead, which made Basil flinch.

“...Sick already” North grumbled.

“But...Angels aren’t supposed to get sick” Basil said, but North only stared at him for a moment before he finally reached and opened the door. Basil was met with the room he had seen before, large and heavily decorated, but it didn’t feel safe anymore. He was led through hallways that he could barely tell apart, and every once in a while saw more wingless people working around the place.

North opened a door, dragging him into a large white room, only a couple of cabinets and what seemed like some kind of bed-table? were in it. It was all so sterile. He flinched when loud squeaking echoed in the room, turning to see North dragging in a metal cart with...medical equipment?

“What are you-”

“Get on the table,” North said, completely cutting him off.

Basil almost went against North, but he really didn’t want to be hurt, and North seemed like the type to not care about his safety. He nodded slowly, sitting on top of the table. North moved behind him, dragging the cart with him. Basil just didn’t want to look, being hurt was inevitable at this point but he could hopefully avoid looking at his own blood.

He was shacking, expecting something to cut, burn, or bruise him, but he felt’s North’s hand gently stretch his wing, and the other hand was running across his feathers. The touch was soft and delicate- and Basil hated every second of it. North just kept touching a part of Basil that- it wasn’t even just him, every angel hated having their wings touched by a stranger, and this was so much worse.

Basil tried to yank his wing out of North’s grip, only for North to grab his shoulder and dig his fingers into one of his bruises. Basil stopped, but his breathing was quick, and panicked. Thankfully, the hand stopped, although it was still holding on to his wing. Basil started to calm down, but he was still worried about the fact that North’s hand was on him, he felt some new pressure on his wing and-

Snap

North let go of his wing, and almost immediately Basil tucked it closer to his body, noticing that one of the feathers had been cleanly cut off. Despite being focused on his wing, Basil could still hear some frustrated muttering behind him.

“You’re nothing more than cheap stuffing” North muttered.

Regardless of the situation- that comment hurt, sure his wings weren’t the softest, or the largest, or the most colorful, but regardless of that he took pride in them as all angels do. Basil wanted to snap at his captor, but admittedly he wasn’t in a position to say anything.

Basil had been too busy to notice North moving in front of him, only looking up when North grabbed his arm and pulled it forward. Basil glared at North, but it didn’t take long for him to see the sharp blade of a dagger. Basil tried to pull back, fearing what North would do, but North seemed to have expected the sudden motion and was quick to slice the palm of Basil’s hand. Basil tried to rip his hand away from North’s grasp, panicking at the sight of his own blood. North just wouldn’t let go of his hand, but he was doing something-something Basil didn’t care about because he just wanted to run away. North just kept squeezing his hand, but Basil didn’t dare to look at exactly what he was doing.

Seconds passed by in what felt like an eternity, but eventually, North let go. Basil immediately tried to get away, but he didn’t want to fall off the table or have his back turned to North. Despite how much Basil had panicked, North didn’t seem to care. Basil noticed a vial of blood-his blood, in North’s hand, and Basil just felt nauseous.

North looked frustrated, turning around and just...leaving him alone in the room. That is until he heard North’s voice, but it was too muffled for him to make out what he was saying.

Basil sat in silence, holding his still bleeding palm without knowing what to do. Suddenly, the door opened, and Basil expected North to come back in with some kind of torture device, but instead, a tired-looking- wingless?

The two made eye contact for a second, but then this new person just walked past him and started to clean up the room. Basil couldn’t do much but stare.

The wingless walked towards one of the cabinets and opened it, taking out a small first-aid kit.

“...can you show me your hand?” he said in a tired and hoarse voice.

Basil didn’t move for a second, trying to figure out what this person was. And the stranger seemed to understand what was going on.

“Please just, give me your hand- ask whatever questions you want, everyone new here has questions, just don’t let this thing get infected” he sighed. “But I warn you, I don’t know much about this hellhole myself.”

The stranger took Basil’s hand and gently started to clean the wound, he was careful and quiet the whole time, probably waiting for Basil to finally ask something. It took a while before Basil was calm enough to speak.

“...What- who are you?” Basil caught himself at the first part, but this stranger seemed to notice.

“Who I am doesn’t matter anymore- but as for the what?” The stranger scoffed “you can’t be that naïve, we’re all angels here, North would never let a demon touch his property.”

Basil got off the table, his injury finally clean and bandaged. He stumbled a bit, but the stranger caught him before he fell.

“But your wings- what happened to them?” Basil asked, scared of the answer.

The stranger shrugged, putting the supplies away as he gave Basil the answer he wanted.

“He liked my wings”

[akindredskillet]

i ran out of tags so i guess im making a whole addition here.. sorry this is so long lmao <3

first of all THEY CALLED HIM SUNNY!! is that our first namedrop outside of the naming screen? i’m not entirely sure tbh but either way im so excited for extra canon sunny :)

secondly. i AM torn ..

i like the art!! it's well done and it's cool to see some of the scenes you normally only see in pixel art as you know. full scenes with movement and backgrounds. i especially love the panel where you see omori in the knife blade, i think that was my favorite. and the first page of course. i love seeing their expressions and the silly little manga gags and to an extent i think it's fun to see sunny so miserable and tortured. putting your blorbos in a blender is a thing for a reason

BUUUUUT. i think taking away his expressionless-ness does a huge disservice to his character. the whole point is that he's dissociating really badly right. to the point of even seeing headspace characters irl? i love the part in the rw day 1 bathroom scene where basil asks sunny why he looks so scared but then in the mirror he looks the same as always, because it implies they are/were really close, enough for basil to be able to pick up on the tiny changes in his expression. and besides that sunny is just. Like That. idk it's such a major part of his character for me. one of my friends mentioned that it could have been cool for them to still have the exaggerated expressions, so that sunny could be that much more neutral in contrast, and i think that could have worked better !!

on that note, i think adding anime level drama to it all does a disservice to the real world sections. they always had that feeling of mundanity and painful realism that really stuck with me… it's fun to see and it Looks Good but i think it doesn't capture the same feeling

idk if they're planning on aubrey having the same mini redemption arc but idk if that's even possible now that you know. she fully hit him w her nail bat!! personally i believed in the whole 'it was just for intimidation' thing considering she doesn't actually use it in battle. but that's out the window i guess! why? for... drama points?? extra heightened stakes? it admittedly looks cooler but. cmon. people already find her arc rushed when it was just VERBAL bullying (and being a bystander to physical stuff)

i do get that the headspace prologue can be a little tedious but by cutting it out entirely you lose that entire sense of 'somethings wrong but i can't quite place What'. and the reveal from headspace to rw, seeing how much his friends changed! if i was a new fan i wouldn't care that their friend group was split up at this point because i wouldnt have seen their dynamic together yet

i was skeptical to begin with because omori uses its medium as a game So Well… like omocat was going to make it a graphic novel to begin with right. and that would have been easier. but she CHOSE to make it an rpg, even teaching herself coding and stuff, for a reason. one of the first examples i always think of is how mari is tied to the save point and how, not knowing where each save point is on a first playthrough, you’re as relieved to see her as sunny/omori is. it does a really good job of tying the player’s stakes to the characters’ stakes, and that makes you care about her

ofc not all of that can be translated into this format and i fully expected that, but some things could and they just didn’t. like the reversal of being familiar with the headspace characters first like i already mentioned, and being “reintroduced” to them the same time sunny is! pretty much any time the player / audience is made to feel something parallel to the characters

i will be cautiously optimistic, because it’s only the first chapter and i don’t want to be too harsh.. but i can’t see them doing the same story well. maybe if it’s canon divergent? i’ll be happy to see the art either way, and maybe we’ll get some good small crumbs of previously vague details! hints about things like whether his parents knew, generally anything that happened in the time period between the incident & sunny stopping going to school. but then again… i’m not even sure id entirely Want that? i love how vague and speculative it can be, especially a lot of the details in the hiki route that are up to interpretation

i’m really curious about the sunny omori dynamic, since it seems like that will be explored a little differently / possibly in more detail, so i think that’s what i’m most looking forward to at this point

logistically, im also curious as to how they’ll even continue pacing the story since. well our headspace visits are already off by one (unless sunny wakes back up rw day 1 and then the second headspace visit is still that night i guess?). but even besides that. we already cut out like 6 hours of prologue content. not to mention, battles that i imagine wont be illustrated in detail, any grinding, figuring out puzzles like in the sweetheart and humphrey dungeons. how much of it are they actually going to adapt?

i guess we’ll have to wait and see!

Anyone and everyone who sees this post, gimme your honest options on the first manga chapter!

I don’t care if you loved it or hated it, your options are so valid and I want to hear from you!

Dump all your thoughts in the tags, whether that be excited ramblings, angry grumblings, or something in between!

I’m trying to gain as many perspectives on the chapter as possible because I am so torn lol

[cyhyr]

Rain's A Part Of How Life Goes

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: T

Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka

WC: ~6370

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Additional Tags: omegaverse, past mpreg, omega!Iruka, alpha!Kakashi, baby OC, depression, mental health facility, mental health treatment, antidepressants, self-loathing, getting better

A/N: This is in my Lights verse, the follow-up to Proposal. I will admit that it gets very rough and hard to read at times, just with the heaviness with which Iruka begins to fall into the depression in this fic. Thank you to @atereal for coming up with much of this fic's plot I honestly did not know how I was going to use "highfalutin" at all you saved my life

For the March Mission on @kakairu-discord-server

Read on The Archive

EDIT: SORRY I FORGOT TO PUT THE READ MORE IT'S THERE NOW

~

It’s raining the day they take Hikari from his arms and carry her out the door.

Iruka watches how she makes grabby hands after him and stares at him with big gray eyes of betrayal. “Ka-chan!” she fusses, and Iruka stares, unseeing, and remembers waking up in the hospital with her gone, the way he’d been willing to rain fire and fury on those who would separate his pup from his side. Now the nurse disappears through the heavy, locked door with Hikari crying over her shoulder and tries so damn hard to feel something. She’s carrying his pup back to Kakashi, waiting in the visitors lounge. He’s still only in his first week, and only allowed one visitor at a time.

It’s just for a little while, Kakashi’s voice echoes in his memory, just until you’re better.

Better.

Ha.

In his fingers, he turns over the tiny bracelet that Hikari had given to him earlier—green and pink beads in no discernable pattern. She’d made it when Kakashi had dropped her off with Ino for an afternoon of errands just yesterday, and told Iruka that it was for him, “So you won’t forget about me while you’re getting better.”

The nurse comes back and smiles sadly at him, and then holds out her hand. “I’m very sorry, Iruka-san, but I’ll need to take that. It is, unfortunately, a strangulation risk.”

Iruka swallows the tears—gods, he’s cried enough already since he got here he should be numb by now—and hands the bracelet to the nurse. She nods and opens her arm to beckon him along, and he stands up at her motion. As he passes through the visiting room and into the hallway back to his room, she says, “I’ll put it with the rest of your items. It’ll stay safe until you’re ready to go home.”

Home. Better.

Iruka lays down in the bed they assigned him and stares, unseeing out the gray, rain-wet window and wonders about better.

~

His fourth day in the facility, he’s compelled by an overly cheerful attendant to attend a “group therapeutic activity” in the large garden greenhouse in the back lawn of the building. He shows up late and sees half a dozen other people, dressed in the same gray sweats, T-shirts, and soft slippers as he is. They regard him with curious eyes, but he looks away.

A slender man with square rimmed glasses and wispy brown hair breezes into the greenhouse, clapping his hands and directing them to a series of small tables that each hold a small pot with some kind of plant—by the scent, Iruka thinks, it’s probably basil. The man introduces himself as Ryosuke and tells them they’ll be learning to care for the plants as part of their “therapy”

“Taking care of small, living things can help remind us of the simple things in life,” he announces with authority, hands on his hips. “It can help us to have responsibilities, things that rely on us; it’s helpful to have that sense of purpose. While you take care of your plant, you can think of other reasons to remain present. What else gives you your sense of purpose?”

Iruka looks down at the tiny tree in a clay pot in front of him. Small, living things, huh. Hikari is very small, indeed. Caring for a small, living thing never made him feel better. If anything, thinking about Hikari makes him feel worse. Here he is, numb and locked away in a facility for people who are a danger to themselves, and he can’t even see his daughter for more than a half hour each day.

What kind of parent is he?

The counselor comes over and stops in front of Iruka and smiles encouragingly. “Why don’t you go and grab a watering can? Sometimes the hardest part is the first step.”

Iruka looks over to where the tiny watering cans are lined up beside a hose, and at all the others lined up to grab one and start caring for their new plants. Slowly, he joins the line, takes a watering can and fills it, and then stands back in front of his plant.

Maybe the first step is the hardest part, but continuing to walk is still damn difficult.

He dumps the water over his plant and watches the soil saturate. When it’s time to leave, he passes by a series of intricate bonsai he hadn’t noticed on his way in. There’s probably pruning shears somewhere in the greenhouse; if he wasn’t terrified of never leaving, of never being allowed to see Hikari again, he’d make a plan to come back sometime with a less attentive nurse and look for those shears.

~

The food leaves a lot to be desired here, and though he’s never been to prison, Iruka has to wonder if even they get better than this. Although, he’s fairly certain that prisoners don’t get to choose their own food, even if he has to choose the night before. They give him three different cards to fill out and he gets to mark off one item from each category: main, side 1, side 2, drink, dessert (optional).

He picks up the cup of yogurt (side 2) and stirs it, thinking of the times Kakashi made him breakfast when he came to pick up Hikari, the effortless way he moved through the kitchen (the effortless way he moves) and how he could always churn out restaurant-quality food every time. Iruka’s lucky that Hikari likes cold and easy-to-prepare foods, perfectly happy with raw vegetables and rice. She’s probably enjoying all the home cooked meals she’s getting now.

Kakashi really is the perfect parent. She’s lucky to have him. Does she really need Iruka?

He shoves those thoughts down too, and instead picks up the little paper cup on his tray. It holds one single pill, a suppressant to keep his scent neutral while in care. He’s supposed to have a meeting with a psychiatrist again today; he’s been here for five days and already he’s seen the psychiatrist three times. He swallows the suppressant down with a swig of juice.

~

“I feel like you’re not engaging in your journey,” his therapist, Aya, tells him; she has brown eyes and Iruka thinks she’s nice, but pushy.

He shrugs in response, and picks at his cuticle.

“Have you given any thought to my suggestion of medication?”

He shrugs again, and uses his front teeth to bite off a bit of the skin next to his thumbnail, pulling it off. Blood wells up and pools into the space left and he squeezes his thumb harder to watch the blood grow.

“I think we’ll start you on a low dose,” she tells him, handing him a tissue. He takes it and presses it to his thumb and she continues, “I’ll have it included with your breakfast tomorrow.”

Iruka doesn’t respond, and Aya’s lips purse.

~

Kakashi visits every day he can, Hikari in tow. Iruka is still on “level one” of his “recovery journey” so they have to visit separately, Hikari being brought to Iruka and carried away by a nurse. Kakashi has to sign a form for her every day that he’s aware of the risks posed by letting his pup go into the facility without him, that the nurses will do what they can to minimize any harm done but that their priority is the residing patient, and ends up pacing the waiting room over and over until she’s back with him.

He trusts Iruka to not hurt her. He doesn’t trust anyone else.

Kakashi always lets Iruka use most of his visiting time to see her, only going in the last 15 minutes of the hour to see him. The same nurse every time sits with Hikari while he goes in to visit Iruka.

It’s... well.

Iruka is surprised every day he shows up, every day when the chattering toddler Hikari comes to see him. He always thanks Kakashi for bringing her, as if he wasn’t the constant topic of conversation every five minutes living with their pup. Kakashi makes sure to keep their chatting light and positive, as best he can.

But it’s been almost a week and the psychiatrist says there’s been no discernable change yet. They only just started Iruka on an antidepressant, and it’s a low enough dose that it could take two weeks before they start seeing positive reactions. He’s in this for good, though, and wants to see his—not his not his—omega get better. This sort of treatment was Tsunade’s recommendation, too; so it… it has to work.

Kakashi sits down across the table and asks, “How are you feeling?”

Iruka doesn’t answer right away. He hasn’t seen Iruka smile all week, but he also has only seen Iruka for fifteen minutes each day. He doesn’t look sad, instead simply just… numb.

“It’s going okay,” Iruka finally says. “I don’t think Aya and I get along very well.”

Kakashi offers his hands, palm up on the table. Iruka moves his fingers next to Kakashi’s and stares at them, barely touching. Kakashi says, “Aya is your lead therapist, right? She just wants to help.”

Iruka shrugs. “I guess. I’m really tired all the time.”

“Do you want me to go early? Let you go get some rest?”

Iruka frowns and places his hand over Kakashi’s. “No. No, I don’t… please don’t leave yet.”

He curls his fingers around Iruka’s and holds back the smile. The suppressant they have him on is fairly strong, covering up Iruka’s natural scent and making him smell like chemicals and cleansers. But he’s still Hikari’s mother, and he asked Kakashi not to leave.

“What kind of therapy are you doing?”

Iruka pauses and thinks, and then murmurs, “They bring us out to the greenhouse every day.”

Kakashi settles in and listens to him talk, hoping that somehow, this all is helping.

~

Iruka drifts.

He thought he knew what numb felt like. But now that the medication is starting to take effect, he feels worse. He can’t get out of bed in the morning without vocally reminding himself that Kakashi and Hikari will be visiting after lunch and he can’t disappoint them.

He picks at his food, takes his medication and suppressant, and finds a shady corner with a comfy chair to sit and look out at the rec room. It’s quiet, for all the people that are in here. So many nurses, urging other patients to go to this activity or come talk to an open therapist. A group of people playing a board game, a pair playing shogi, another group having an impromptu session with each other with a therapist guiding the conversation along.

Iruka is alone.

He remembers when being alone used to hurt. The loneliness doesn’t ache now.

Just until you’re better feels farther away than ever before.

~

By the end of the second week, Iruka’s basil plant is yellow and drooping. He’s not sure what he’s doing wrong, but it’s dying. Everyone else’s plants are thriving.

“Sometimes you just get a bad seed,” Ryosuke says. “Don’t worry too much about it.”

~

Aya asks if he’d be willing to join them for a movie night, and Iruka declines.

“We have popcorn and snacks,” she says. “And the nurses pull all of the sofas to the center of the room so everyone can be comfortable.”

“I said, no thank you.”

Aya sighs quietly. “You know, it’s okay to need to use another person as a crutch to help you get better, at least for a while. The goal, obviously, is that you’ll learn to stand on your own. But if you need to frame it in your mind that you need to get better, say, for your daughter—”

“Leave my pup out of this.”

(Iruka isn’t looking; but the tiniest of smiles crosses Aya’s face. If he can feel anger, he’s getting better.)

~

When he was in the hospital after having had Hikari—truly, one of the most painful nights of his life, physically and emotionally—he had stared down the Hokage herself in his determination to keep his pup within arm’s reach. He had nearly gotten a nurse fired because she refused to believe that he was fine and didn’t want Hikari taken to a nursery so that he could rest. He had been angry and combative and defensive, and rightly so with Danzo breathing down his neck waiting for him to fuck up in such a way that he could claim his pup for the village.

Now, as she is led out of the rec room by the nurse, he watches her go and feels nothing.

Kakashi comes and sits in her spot, beside Iruka, and tries to get him to talk. But there’s nothing to talk about; he’s a failure as a parent, as a shinobi, as a teacher—

“Your doctor says that you’re showing signs of improvement,” Kakashi says.

Worthless, that’s what he is. If Kakashi hadn’t gone after him when he slipped off the edge—

“They’re going to try keeping you another week or so, to see if you can pick up coping methods.”

He should have died that day.

“Iruka?”

“What.”

Kakashi sighs and takes his hand. “Hikari is turning two in a month. I… I know that she’d want you there.”

“Why. She doesn’t need me.”

“That’s the depression talking. Of course she needs you.”

“You’re a better parent than me.”

“Iruka, I love you. Please don’t compare us like this. We’re both good parents to her, I promise.”

Iruka stares at the table and tries not to cry. Gods, he’s done so much damn crying the last few weeks. He’s so sick of fucking crying, but he knows that Kakashi is just lying to make him feel better.

He doesn’t have the heart to tell Kakashi that it makes him feel worse.

~

Kakashi brings Hikari to the facility, as he does every day he’s allowed, but after they check in the nurse that usually comes to take Hikari to Iruka doesn’t show. Instead, Iruka’s head therapist, Aya, comes into the reception and greets them. She has a weary smile, and Kakashi only hopes that it isn’t because of Iruka.

“Hatake-san, I’m very sorry but Iruka’s not able to have visitors today.”

Hikari chirps, “No Ka-chan?”

He shushes her gently, but then asks, “Did something happen?”

Aya nods. “He had a breakthrough, but it came alongside a panic attack and a severe drop in his mood. We’re watching him closely, and believe that there’s little risk of him attempting to hurt himself, but I’d hate for Hikari-chan to see her mother like this.”

“Wanna see Ka-chan, please!”

She kneels down to Hikari’s level and says carefully, “I’m sure he’d love to see you, too, especially after this breakthrough. But not today.” She looks up at Kakashi and continues, “You can, of course, come back tomorrow and try again.”

“Then we’ll do that.” Kakashi scoops Hikari up and braces her on his hip. She looks like she’s about to start crying again, so he needs to escape and get her out of here before then. “Thank you, for taking such good care of him.”

“It’s no problem at all. I’ll make a note that, if he’s okay to have visitors tomorrow, that you and Hikari-chan can stay an extra hour to make up for today’s lost time.”

He nods and thanks her again, and then leaves.

“Tou-chan, see Ka-chan please!”

“We can’t today, little one.” She turns her face into his neck and scents him, sniffling and crying quietly. Fuck, he’d rather she scream and throw a fit. “How about we go to a park?”

She just nods, clinging to him tightly.

~

It’s all he can do, the next day, to keep Hikari from skipping ahead and leaving him behind. Kakashi reminds her that they’ll be there right on time, there’s no need to rush. It had stormed overnight, and he distracts her by showing her how to kick stones into the puddles still on the road.

In the reception, Kakashi signs them both in and pulls her into his lap to try and calm her down before they see Iruka. He’d like to know what kind of breakthrough had been made, but only if Iruka wants to talk about it. Aya may end up telling him later, while Iruka’s having one-on-one time with Hikari.

The bubbly nurse comes in and beckons them in. Normally, it’s just Hikari first, and so Kakashi lets her slip off of his lap and toddle over to her. But the nurse smiles and says, “You, too, Hatake-san.”

So he stands and joins Hikari and the nurse as she walks them into the rec room. It’s empty, save for Iruka sitting at their usual table with a ghost of a smile in his eyes. Hikari runs, chanting ka-chan, ka-chan, ka-chan, over and over until she collides with Iruka.

He picks her up.

Puts her in his lap.

And hugs her. Kisses her hair. Scents her and rests his cheek on the top of her head.

Kakashi turns to the nurse, but she just continues smiling. He crosses the room to get to them both, and rests his palm on Iruka’s shoulder. “You look better today.”

Iruka nods and rocks Hikari side-to-side. She hums happily, almost purring in the cute way that pups do sometimes. Finally, he looks up at Kakashi and his heart breaks to see the weakest smile on his lips. “They let you both in at the same time,” he murmurs.

He sits down beside them and rubs Hikari’s back. “They did. Aya said that we’d get an extra hour with you because we weren’t able to see you yesterday. Did anyone confirm that with you?”

Another nod. “Yes, Aya told me that she made a case for the both of you to stay a bit later.”

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

“Ka-chan, lookit my boots!” Hikari sticks out her leg and shows off the purple rain boots Kakashi bought for her last week, just as they were starting to get into the rainy season. Today is her first time getting to wear them and she had stopped at least three people on the way to the facility to tell them all about her new boots.

“They’re very pretty, Hikari,” Iruka says. “As long as Kimi-san comes with us, yes, we can walk around outside.”

The warmth is back in his voice. Kakashi hadn’t ever noticed that it was gone, before finding Iruka in Uzushio so many weeks ago. He has since kicked himself, over and over, trying to figure out when the sweet warmth he had first fallen in love with had chilled with Iruka’s growing depression. It’s still not clear to him when it had started, and he knows that at least part of this situation is his own fault for letting the joy of having Hikari blind him to Iruka’s mental health problems.

Kimi, the bubbly nurse, walks behind them while they stroll the paths in the gardens. Kakashi offers his hand to Iruka, and Iruka blushes lightly as he links their fingers together. They watch Hikari hop from puddle to puddle, giggling and singing a little song about splashing and puddle jumping.

She turns to look back at them and shouts, “Ka-chan, watch! Am a frog!” And then she makes a big show of jumping really hard into the next puddle. The water sprays up past her boots and soaks her leggings, and she laughs—

And Iruka laughs.

~

At the one-month mark, Iruka stays in bed all day and forces himself to keep breathing.

It’s just a plant. It was bound to die eventually.

But what if it hadn’t been a plant.

He feels sick. By dinnertime, he asks Kimi for something for his stomach, and she brings him a little pink pill that tastes like chalk when she tells him to chew it before swallowing.

He goes to sleep that night, determined to do better.

~

Iruka watches as Hikari toddles around the rec room saying hi to anyone who will look at her and smile—almost everyone. Beside him, Kakashi holds his hand and stretches his other arm across the back of the sofa and around Iruka’s shoulders.

“Her birthday is in a few days,” Kakashi says quietly. “Aya-sensei says you… you won’t be ready to come home by then.”

Iruka nods. “I figured.”

“Iruka—”

“Make sure you give her a good day. Ice cream for breakfast and lots of time to play with anyone and everyone.”

Kakashi squeezes his hand and asks, “You’re not going to try to get out before?”

“I can’t rush getting better, Kakashi.”

One of the other patients puts a flower behind Hikari’s ear and shoos her away with a giggle. Hikari runs back to them and, panting, gestures to her flower and says, “Ka-chan, look! Pretty!”

He smiles. “It is. Just like you.”

She squeals and jumps into his lap, scenting and nuzzling his chest, and he folds his arms around her. With another kiss to her hair, he lets her go again and watches as she makes the rounds in the rec room and he sniffs back tears.

“Iruka? What’s—?”

“You know,” Iruka says quietly, “I barely remember the last two years. Like I’ve been living in a fog. I know that there were some bright moments, and I can remember most of her milestones. But I couldn’t tell you how old she was when she started walking, or when her hair grew out to be longer than an inch.” He leans forward to put his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands and loses the battle against his tears. They fall freely as he hiccups and says, “I don’t even remember what it was like to hold her when she was an infant.”

Kakashi rubs his back while Hikari toddles back and places her hands on his thighs, saying, “No cry, Ka-chan.”

Kakashi shushes her and Iruka does his best to stifle the feelings of inadequacy but he looks at his pup and sees her, almost two years old and growing so fast, and he feels horrible.

Then, from beside him, “She started walking at nine and a half months. Her hair started really growing just after she passed fifteen months. And to hold her?” A pause; Iruka takes the moment to sniff and lift his head, looking over at Kakashi while he thinks, his eye closed and a soft hum echoing between them. “Holding her felt like cradling a warm loaf of bread. Like if you held her too tight you would squish her, but at the same time you had to hold her firmly or you’d drop her. You used to lay out in bed with her snuggled to your chest, her ear on your heart, and you’d pat her bottom like this,” Kakashi pats his back in a heartbeat fashion, bum-bump, bum-bump. “I loved holding her, but she always preferred you.”

Iruka wipes his eyes and collapses back against Kakashi’s arm. He feels Kakashi nose in his hair, feels lips through the mask on his temple, and listens as Kakashi continues, “It’s okay if you don’t remember. I can remember for both of us. And we have her entire life to make new memories.”

Hikari climbs back into his lap and between the two of them, Iruka feels… warm.

For the first time in… a long time. Iruka purrs.

~

“I know that in the past your answer has always been ‘no,’ but would you like to reconsider joining the facility for movie night tomorrow?”

Iruka taps his fingers on his leg and then, quietly, asks, “I’m allowed to have a guest for that, right?”

Aya smiles and says, “Yes, of course.”

“Can I have both Hikari and Kakashi?”

She sighs lightly and says, “Unfortunately, no. We can only allow adult guests for this event, because the lights will be off.”

Iruka frowns, but understands. “Then… then I’ll ask Kakashi tomorrow when he visits.”

“I can send him a messenger to inform him of the invitation. That way he won’t be scrambling for childcare.”

He brightens and asks, “Really? That’d be great!”

Aya nods and makes a note. “I’ll get a messenger as soon as our session is done.”

~

Kakashi is just setting Hikari’s lunch on the table when a knock comes on his door. He sets her juice within reach and goes to get the door.

A young genin messenger grins and hands him a note, saying, “From Aya-sensei of the Konoha Renewal Facility. I’m supposed to wait for a possible response.”

Kakashi nods and opens the letter, reading it quickly. A movie night? And Iruka wants him there. Aya stresses that this is a step in the right direction and that if he can make it, it would help Iruka. He takes a pen from just inside the door and scribbles on the enclosed blank sheet of paper his response.

I’ll be there. He sends the messenger away with the new note and then turns back inside.

“Oh, Hikari,” he sighs. “Your food is supposed to go in your mouth, not your hair.”

~

Kakashi spends the rest of the day trying to find childcare for tomorrow. Gai is preparing to leave for a mission with his team, and apologizes for not being available. Tenzō doesn’t answer when he knocks, so he assumes he’s out on a mission as well. He doesn’t know Rakko well enough to ask them outright; and besides, he does know that they’re on Tenzō’s team, so if Tenzō isn’t available, likely Rakko isn’t either. A trip to the Yamanaka flower shop also proves fruitless, as Ino is swamped with medic classes to pass her final certification test in two weeks.

He sags on a bench and lets Hikari play in the dirt at his feet for a bit while he thinks. There’s not a lot of people he trusts with his pup, and he needs to be there for Iruka tomorrow night. He could ask Tsunade for a recommendation—no, she’s swamped with work, there’s no way she has the time to spare to think about childcare. There’s always the orphanage’s daycare program, but he’s spoken with Iruka on the topic in the past and knows Iruka doesn’t care for Konoha’s orphanage.

“Tou-chan! Puppy!”

He looks down at Hikari, and then follows her gaze down the road to where Kiba and Akamaru are walking towards them. She stands up and comes to lean against Kakashi’s leg, bouncing excitedly but staying close. Hikari hasn’t learned the difference between normal dogs and ninken yet, so he keeps a palm on the back of her shirt to keep her from dashing to Akamaru.

“Hi, Kakashi-sensei,” Kiba says. He smiles down at Hikari and says, “What are you two doing out here?”

“Puppy?”

Kakashi sighs. “Just trying to figure out childcare for her for tomorrow,” he answers. To Hikari he says, “You need to ask Kiba-san if he’s alright with you petting his ninken, and then also ask Akamaru.”

Hikari bounces and says, “Ki-chan! Can pet puppy?”

Kiba chuckles and motions for Akamaru to lay down. “He’s very good with pups. There are a bunch in the Inuzuka compound and they all like to climb on Akamaru.” He guides Hikari to pet the ninken behind his ears and the top of his head. While Akamaru pants happily and tries to lick Hikari’s face, Kiba turns back to Kakashi and asks, “What’s this about needing childcare?”

“I have an event I need to go to with Iruka,” Kakashi says. It’s not publicly acknowledged where Iruka has been for the last month, and Kakashi doesn’t feel comfortable saying it. It’s… It’s Iruka’s business, what he wants his former students to know. “But my regular babysitters are unavailable.”

“Have you asked Hinata? She’d love to watch Hikari.” Without seeming to look, Kiba gently redirects Hikari’s hand as she reaches out to pull Akamaru’s ear, and holds her wrist until she stops straining to grab and instead is distracted by Kiba leading her palm to the softer fur on the ninken’s flank.

“I have no doubt that Hinata would be great, but I don’t trust Hiashi,” Kakashi muses. “What about you? Would you be interested in watching her?”

Kiba’s face darkens and he stiffens. “I’m so sick, already, of people assuming that I want to be around pups just because I presented as an omega. Like, I knew it was gonna happen, but—”

“You’re an omega?” Kakashi stops and scents the air and yep, that’s fresh, young omega lingering in a cloud around Kiba. “I didn’t know you presented.”

“Yeah, well.”

“Ki-chan, no sad?”

Kiba smiles down at Hikari and says, “I could never be sad around you, pup!”

“If you don’t want to watch her, that’s fine,” Kakashi says. “Like I said, I didn’t know. I asked because you’re good with her.”

“She’s a good pup. Anyone would be good with her.”

“You honestly think that Neji would be half as good with her as you are? Or Lee?”

Kiba chuckles. “They have their moments, don’t they. Yeah, fine. I’ll watch her tomorrow. Do you want me to come to your place or—?”

“I’ll bring her over to the Inuzuka compound tomorrow evening,” Kakashi says. “Not that I don’t trust you, obviously I do or I wouldn’t ask, but having Tsume or your sister available as well would ease Iruka’s mind as well.”

Kiba nods. “We’ll see you tomorrow then.”

~

Iruka claims a sofa and sits, cross-legged, in the middle of both cushions, holding a paper bowl of popcorn in his hands and bracing two water bottles against his hip. He keeps anxiously glancing to the side, where the door to the waiting room and reception is. The movie’s supposed to start soon and if Kakashi doesn’t come— Gods, he’s not a teenager with a crush anymore. They have a pup together. This is ridiculous. He’s being ridiculous. Kakashi said he’d be here and he needs to just take the alpha at his word.

Sure enough, though, Iruka turns his head once more and there, in the frosted glass, is Kakashi’s silhouette. And when the door opens and Kakashi comes through, scanning the room for Iruka, he raises his hand and waves and catches Kakashi’s eye; and even from here, across the wide rec room, and with three-quarters of Kakashi’s face covered, he can still tell that the alpha smiles when he notices Iruka.

… Maybe he’s not a teenager, but the crush certainly never went away. It has just been buried under the depression.

Kakashi asks, “Can I sit?”

Iruka shuffles over to let Kakashi have more than half a cushion. He hands Kakashi one of the water bottles and offers some popcorn. “Ah, Hikari is with Gai, I assume?”

Kakashi declines the popcorn and says, “Actually, with Kiba.”

“Kiba?”

“There are a few teams that are out of the Village right now,” Kakashi says. “But I wouldn’t worry. Both Tsume and Hana are around if he gets overwhelmed.”

Iruka grins and says, “It’s Tsume-san I’m worried about. Have you seen what she considers ‘age appropriate play’?”

Kakashi raises a brow, “It’s just dogs and kunai, right?”

“The Inuzuka can be… rough. But they’re good with pups,” Iruka nods. “Thank you.”

“I would have thought you wanted to share movie night with Hikari instead.”

“I… thought about it. Briefly. But I would worry about her the whole time, and I’m not sure if a two-year-old has the attention span to sit through a two-hour movie.”

“And what makes you think I do?” Kakashi asks, chuckling.

Iruka grins and says, “Hatake Kakashi, elite jounin of Konohagakure, not having at least a two-hour attention span? Sounds fake.”

They both laugh, and Iruka sneaks a piece of popcorn. He continues, “Plus, it’s adults only,” and Kakashi gives him this odd leer that makes his chest clench. The lights in the room turn off and the movie starts on the projector screen. They start off the movie on opposite sides of the couch, the popcorn bowl between them. A nurse walks around and checks in with everyone here and there.

The movie itself isn’t that great. Iruka can hardly follow the plot and honestly doesn’t understand the motive for the protagonist. But most everyone else laughs together at the same moments, and even Kakashi chuckles here and there.

And Iruka discovers something silly and delightful about Kakashi; he’s a chatterbox during movies. Once Iruka has shifted close enough that he can rest his head against Kakashi’s shoulder, Kakashi starts picking apart the movie viciously. He speaks low enough that no one but Iruka can hear, and for the rest of the movie Iruka watches with his hand near his lips to help stifle the giggles.

“What kind of idiot would try to use a dog as a projectile weapon? They make for much better melee fighters.”

“Really. They’re really going to kiss now? They never even walked the dog when they got back. The poor thing’s been cooped up inside the entire movie.”

“Serves them right. It’s not like they couldn’t talk to each other.”

“She better take the money and abscond to the coast.”

Iruka rolls his eyes and murmurs, “‘Abscond’? Really?”

Kakashi chuckles and says, “Sorry sensei, is ‘abscond’ too highfalutin for you?”

“I’ll give you highfalutin…”

Kakashi leans in and murmurs against his temple, “You can give me anything and I’ll treasure it always.”

Iruka blushes hot and is suddenly thankful for the lights being out. When the hero and their love interest come together again, ten minutes before the end of the movie, Kakashi overprojects his movements and nudges his chin against Iruka’s hair. No scent is released—Kakashi’s chakra control is excellent, of course—until Iruka lets himself purr lightly, quietly, and then Kakashi scents him and sighs against the top of his head. Iruka rubs his cheek against Kakashi’s shoulder in return, feeling his purr come stronger the longer they continue to scent each other.

It’s… nice. He knows that Kakashi deserves better than this, a pup he never wanted and a depressed co-parent, but gods, Iruka wants it. Has always wanted it. He’s still not convinced that Kakashi actually wants him the way he claims, that he’s in love with him and wants to mate. But this… he can do this.

The movie ends and Iruka is still curled up beside Kakashi when the lights come on. His purr turns more anxious as people start standing up and stretching and saying good-night to their guests, but no one comes over to tell Kakashi to leave, so they just continue holding each other and Iruka relishes in the wonder of Kakashi’s scent.

“Thank you,” Kakashi eventually says, “for inviting me. It almost felt like a date.”

Iruka grins and looks up at Kakashi. “Is it really a date if we’ve already had sex, are raising a pup together, and you’ve proposed?”

Kakashi laughs outright and rubs the back of his head with one hand while squeezing Iruka tight around his shoulders with the other. “Maa, maybe we’re a little out of order.” And then he softens slightly, and sweeps Iruka’s hair away from his face and continues, “But I don’t particularly care about the order, so long as I get to have you in the end. You and Hikari both.”

Iruka blushes and looks away, feeling hot and fluttery. “Sap,” he mutters, and then stands up and offers his hand to Kakashi. Kakashi, still soft and smiling, takes his hand and presses a masked kiss to his fingers, then stands up, too. He doesn’t let go of Iruka’s hand, and walks with him over to the door where other pairs of patients and guests are saying good-bye.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Kakashi says.

“Tomorrow. Right. Yes.”

“Can I… can I kiss you?”

Can he…???

“Um. Ah, yes? Sure, of course—”

Kakashi chuckles, and then spins them around so the crowd is at his back, lowers his mask, and kisses him, soft and sweet and chaste. As soon as it starts it’s over, and Iruka feels slightly lightheaded, still standing there awkwardly with his lips slightly apart and his stomach flying away through his chest. Then, Kakashi waves one last time, and leaves to go pick up Hikari.

Later, when Iruka is laying in bed, his roommate snoring peacefully, he touches his lips with his fingertips, reveling in the fact that Kakashi had kissed him. Iruka had only ever agreed to the heat share because he thought it was the only way he’d ever get to have Kakashi. And now, almost three years later, Kakashi has admitted to falling in love with him, has asked to mate with him, has kissed him and cared for him and been so sweet and kind and…

Gods, he could have this.

He could have it all.

He just needs to get better and get out of here so it can be his.

~

It’s raining the day Iruka walks out the door of the facility. It pours from the sky like the gods turned on a faucet, and despite his umbrella he’s soaked instantly. In a waterproof bag, he carries the various bottles of antidepressants he needs to stay on, a cocktail that Aya and the psychiatrist both agree is the best blend for him. He needs to check in with Aya in her clinic once a week for the next year or so, but everyone is hopeful that he’s going to be fine.

Standing at the gate, holding a bright yellow umbrella in one hand, and Hikari’s hand in the other, Kakashi wears a raincoat and a grin, waiting for him. He looks down at his wrist and sees the little bracelet Hikari had made for him weeks and weeks ago—the nurse had said they’d keep it safe until he’s better, and it’s perfect now, even though it’s getting wet against his skin.

“Ka-chan!” Hikari calls loudly, waving frantically, all the way up on her tippy toes. Her little green boots clash horribly with the bright yellow raincoat, but her smile is what matters. “We’re here’ta bring you home Ka-chan!”

Home.

He’s going home.

[asweetprologue]

Geralt decides to retire to Toussaint. He takes Jaskier with him.

Words: 4360, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: The Witcher

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion

Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion

Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Retirement, Getting Together, Domestic, Fluff

I promise I’m still writing stuff!! this is a soft little one shot I wrote a while ago and just cleaned up. read on tumblr below the cut!

In the end, it’s the weariness that does him in.

Once when they were both younger men, Jaskier had asked him about retirement for witchers. If they retreated to Kaer Morhen in their old age to train the new pups, or if they settled down across the Continent, or gave up the hunt to have families of their own. Geralt had snorted. “We don’t retire,” he’d said, mixing potion ingredients by the light of their camp fire. Jaskier had looked at him with wide, curious eyes. “We get old, and slow, and something kills us. We don’t - buy seaside cottages, or whatever.”

Jaskier had hummed at that, a mournful note that seemed to resonate in the air. It was unfair, Geralt had thought, that his friend managed to convey so much in such a sound while the witcher always managed to say so little. “Seems a bit unfair,” Jaskier added.

Geralt had blown out an amused breath, not quite a laugh. “That’s life, bard.”

But now, three decades and countless battles older, he just felt tired. Jaskier no longer traveled with him as frequently, and the Path was a lonely place. He and his brothers no longer met at Kaer Morhen to winter, not once Vesemir had passed. They would stop occasionally to meet up on the road, but never for too long. Even Ciri was going her own way nowadays, though he saw her the most frequently. As the years wore on, Geralt found himself visiting Oxenfurt more and more often. Itching for companionship, for a cease in the ever grinding motion of the Path. The routine that had once been a comfort was now grating.

Maybe it was time to take a break.

It was with this mentality that he turned to Jaskier on the last day of his stay in Oxenfurt and said, “Come to Toussaint with me.”

Jaskier blinked at him owlishly, the expression making him look ten years younger. These days his hair was streaked with gray at the temples, and when he chose to grow out a beard it was as silver as Geralt’s. “What’s so important in Toussaint?” he asked. They were seated at a table in the rooms Jaskier had been provided, for accepting a temporary lecturing position. The term had ended a few weeks ago, hence Geralt’s visit. Jaskier shuffled his gwent deck as he spoke, the cards weaving together like a cascade. Geralt found himself watching the bard’s slim fingers dance through the motions with an old fascination.

“I have an estate there,” he replied, pulling his gaze from the cards. He meant to look Jaskier in the eye, but a brief moment of contact with the bright cerulean had him turning his head, his heartbeat growing ever so slightly faster. It was too hard to ask this if he could see Jaskier’s face. Instead, he looked out the small window, overlooking the red tiled roofs of Oxenfurt. The city was painted a rich gold in the light of the evening sun, reflected warmly off of the river beyond the docks.

Jaskier spluttered across the table. “You have an estate? Since when?”

Geralt felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips. “It was payment for a job,” he said. “There’s a vineyard, gardens. I can send word ahead for them to start renovations on the guest bedroom. Come with me,” he said again, softly. He wasn’t above begging, but he hoped he wouldn’t have to.

Jaskier looked at him with a confused but affectionate look spread across his fine features, and said, “Okay.”

~

Geralt sent a letter ahead to warn the staff of their plans to summer at the estate, and they began their journey to the Duchy.

It was a long journey, but not an arduous one. For once, Geralt allowed them to stick to the main roads, and at this time of year even Velen was bearable. The sweeping fields spread out around them in swaths of green and gold, punctuated here and there by defiant patches of wildflowers. Jaskier wasn’t as quick as he used to be following Geralt on the Path, but they weren’t on the Path anymore. They purchased a second horse and rode side by side at a leisurely pace. When the day grew hot, they would post up in a convenient spot of shade and let the horses graze, lunching on sun warmed bread and sweetmeats. Jaskier rambled the hours away with stories of his students and old antics at Oxenfurt, and Geralt responded with his own tales of hunts and growing up in the keep with his brothers. It was good to have another voice on the road again after months of traveling alone. It was good that it was Jaskier. Geralt had missed him. Once he wouldn’t have been able to admit it, even to himself, but it seemed silly now to hide it. A wall put up against someone who had been inside for years.

They slept beneath the stars and in cramped inns, sharing small spaces like they had for decades. It was different, Geralt thought. Something had released in his shoulders when Jaskier had agreed to come with him. They weren’t in a rush - there were no contracts to fill, no galas to play at. Jaskier’s purse was heavy from his time spent lecturing, and Geralt was able to pick up a few simple contracts as they went. Easy jobs that would put some extra coin in his pocket and lift the tension from the shoulders of the locals. But for the most part it was just the two of them, drinking sweet summer mead and browsing morning markets, getting accustomed to each other’s presence again.

Sitting across the fire from him one night as they camped, Jaskier said, “You’re different, you know.”

Geralt lifted his head from where he’d been skinning the pheasants for supper. “Hmm?”

Jaskier smiled, his eyes soft. “Well, maybe not that different.” At Geralt’s odd look, he went on. “You told me once that witchers never change. That they’re set in their ways. I think you were talking about something like your potions routine when you said it at the time, but I thought it applied to the whole of the witcher experience.”

Geralt hummed again. “It’s true. We age slowly. Get set in our habits.”

“But you changed,” Jaskier said. “I’ve seen it. After Ciri, and now, since we’ve left Oxenfurt. You’re different.”

Geralt shifted uncomfortably. They’d never been on the road together like this, just the two of them as companions. Before Geralt had been focused on the Path, and Jaskier had been cataloguing his deeds as if he were some kind of hero of legend. He knew Jaskier admired Geralt’s drive, his ability to push on towards the next contract. Maybe the bard would think less of him, knowing that he was content to leave the Path behind for so long. “I’m still me,” he said aloud.

Jaskier gave him another smile, warm and honeyed. “I know it’s you, daft man,” he said. “It’s good. To see you… put down the torch for a bit.”

Geralt wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he just gave an agreeable rumble in his chest. And then, because he’d spent so long learning how to use his words around his daughter, he said, “I’m glad you’re here, Jaskier.”

A brief moment of surprise passed over Jaskier’s features, his eyes widening. Though Geralt had become better at voicing his affections over the years, he knew that the bard was always taken aback by the behavior. After a second Jaskier’s smile became a grin, and Geralt felt something in him relax even further. “I’m glad to be here, my friend. You know I can’t resist an adventure.”

~

They arrived in Toussaint quickly after that, both eager to end their days on the road. The countryside spread out around them slowly transformed from the muted colors of the north into the vibrant greens, purples and reds of the vineyards and forests. Geralt always forgot how stunning the Duchy was, with its colorful houses and flashy clothes. For once Jaskier fit in with the crowd flawlessly; it would take more than a bright doublet to stand out in Toussaint. Geralt had always liked it here. The peasants tended to be less prejudiced against non-humans, witchers included, and the knights he’d met always treated him as a brother in arms rather than pest control. The winters were mild and the summers sweet, and the wines were rich even if they were impossible for him to pronounce at times.

Of course Jaskier proved to be fluent in the local language - “What do you think the Seven Liberal Arts even entail, Geralt?” - which was helpful when they passed through smaller villages. Those away from the common crossroads or larger settlements tended to have fewer people who spoke the common northern tongue. They made their way to Geralt’s estate through a series of inns, barns and guest bedrooms as Jaskier relentlessly charmed the locals in grandiose displays of hospitality.

As they approached the estate, Geralt pulled Roach to a stop at the top of a hill. “This is it,” he said, nodding to indicate the view.

Jaskier gaped, craning to look out over the small collection of buildings and the dozens and dozens of grapevines that were nestled in the valley below. Geralt could see several workers out tending to the fields; his majordomo must have been overseeing things as agreed upon. They would have to get to know the rest of the staff while they were here. “This is all yours?” Jaskier asked, snapping Geralt’s attention back to the present.

“The house, most of the fields. I’ve not paid all that much attention to it before now, honestly. The house needs work. Never had any reason to sink funds into it before now.” He’d sent a fair sum of gold ahead to Barnabas-Basil to get started on renovations, but it likely would have only been enough to make the main complex habitable. Geralt was confident that he could undertake much of the repairs himself, in time. It would be good to have a project.

“It’s expansive. You produce wine here?” Jaskier asked, turning back towards him.

“Yes, but you’ll have to ask the majordomo which ones.”

Jaskier nodded to himself as they continued down the hill, soon approaching the main gate to the small villa. Members of the staff bustled throughout the property, though many stopped to look as the two of them passed by. As they settled their horses near a storage shed, the majordomo approached them, apparently already made aware of their arrival.

“Ah, Master Geralt, I trust that your travels were smooth? Please, come inside - I will have someone come and tend to the horses.” Barnabas-Basil Foulty was a clean shaven, bald man with sharp, almost bird-like features, and the head of the estate in Geralt’s stead. He stood at perfect attention at all times, shoulders back and head held high. A proud man, if not also an extremely polite one. Geralt liked him immensely, because he was good at his job and could keep up in the cups the one time the two had drank together.

“Ah, this must be the famous Barnabas-Basil. Fantastic to finally meet your acquaintance, my good man,” Jaskier said, jumping in to give the majordomo’s hand a firm shake. “Geralt has praised your skills from here to Redania and back.”

Barnabas-Basil inclined his head towards Geralt, though his spine did not stray an inch. “I thank you, sir, for your kind words. Please, allow me to show you the progress that we have made on the main house so you might get settled.”

The domo walked them through the estate, giving Jaskier a brief tour and pointing out new additions to Geralt. He’d not been to the estate in at least two years, but it was clear that the workers were making good use of the space. The small collection of colorful houses down the road had fresh coats of paint, and children played in the courtyard below the main house. A garden flourished in the space between the manor and the vineyard, dominated by root vegetables and herbs.

“If you would like, we can have it cleared out so that you might use it for your own purposes,” Barnabas-Basil said. His face betrayed no feelings on the issue.

Geralt grunted. “No need. The staff can use it as they wish.” He refused to meet Jaskier’s gaze as the bard beamed at him proudly. After decades of friendship Jaskier still seemed to find it a delight anytime Geralt did something he thought was particularly chivalrous. Geralt was not eager for him to meet the knights, with their virtues and heroic deeds.

The house, as he suspected, was functional but only just. “We’ve done what we could in a short amount of time, sir,” Barnabas-Basil said, his tone politely apologetic. “I assure you renovations are far from complete.”

“It’s fantastic,” Jaskier said, already darting off to explore the other rooms. There was a small kitchen, a bedroom, bathroom and an upstairs loft that could be made into a second bedroom. The additional bed wouldn’t arrive for another week or two.

“We can share,” Geralt said without looking at Jaskier, and did not elaborate further. “Show me what else needs done.”

~

They fell quickly into a routine. Geralt spent his days working with the locals on renovations, slowly breathing vitality back into the old manor. When he grew tired of working with lumber, he waded into the vineyards, to help pluck the delicate grapes from their twisting vines. A pair of women admonished him for his sloppy work on the first day and taught him how to gently cut the branches away and check the grapes for ripeness. Jaskier fluctuated between helping out with the building work and composing, though he also made the occasional day trip into the city to perform. In the evening they would retire to the house to eat, drink and chat over games of cards. At night they would curl up in Geralt’s bed, as they had when sharing quarters on the road.

It was a strange new intimacy, to learn what Jaskier was like in his bed. They had shared bedrolls many times over the years, but never with any consistency. When the nights were too cold or the inn too full, they would sigh and grumble and agree to share a space for the night, as a matter of convenience. But as soon as they had the coin or the resources to do so, they would always put distance between themselves again. Geralt supposed it had been a kind of self preservation instinct, but he now found little threat in the warmth of Jaskier next to him at night. He learned that some days Jaskier woke before the sunrise, throwing himself out of bed in a tangle of limbs to scramble for a quill. Other days he slept late, sprawled out across the sheets and dozing until the heat of the day forced him up. Often Geralt woke to the bard curled around him, an arm thrown across his broad chest, nose tucked under the witcher’s jaw. Those times always made something tighten in Geralt’s throat. No one should trust a witcher like Jaskier did, but he was grateful for the bard’s foolishness. Jaskier had always believed that Geralt would keep him safe, even when the witcher had refused to even admit that they were friends. Jaskier deserved better, but it didn’t stop Geralt from turning into his warmth each morning, wishing to reach out.

When the second bed came, Jaskier made no effort to relocate to the guest room. Geralt didn’t bring it up.

It only took a month for him to openly think about it, but when he finally did he was surprised it hadn’t come sooner. He looked up from where he was carving a notch in a new post for one of the fences and saw Jaskier sitting on the steps of the manor, the end of his quill hovering near his lips. His mouth moved around abstract syllables as he reached for the next lyric in a new song. The soft, repetitive notes rose and fell in the still summer air, and Geralt could see a small spot of ink on Jaskier’s cheek where he’d tapped himself with the quill by accident. Later that night, Geralt would point it out and they would both laugh, and Jaskier would play at being angry Geralt hadn’t brought it up sooner, and then Geralt would offer to help him clean up. Jaskier looked up from his place on the stairs and met his eye, feeling the attention on him as he always did. When he saw Geralt looking he smiled, as brightly as if he’d not seen the witcher in months, instead of moments. Geralt’s chest swelled with an unspeakable feeling, thick and heady affection and trust and something else even beyond that, and he thought, Oh, I love him.

~

Geralt suggested a picnic. Jaskier was ecstatic, though he tried to act as if he had to consider the notion.

“Will there be wine?” he asked, eyebrows raised playfully.

“Jaskier,” Geralt said, fondly exasperated, “we live on a vineyard.”

So they grabbed some bottles from the storeroom, packed a light cotton blanket and some food leftover from lunch and set off up the nearby hill. It took them about twenty minutes to reach the top, but once they did they were quite near the place they’d first stopped to look over the estate. It was nearing evening, the sun hanging low in the sky and making the shadows of the workers coming in stretch out long across the fields. The two men spread out their things, sitting to watch the landscape move below them as they uncorked one of the bottles.

Geralt let Jaskier chatter away about nothing for a while, letting the sound wash over him as they shared the bread and wine. After a while Jaskier fell quiet, leaving them both to gaze out at the beauty of the land around them. Geralt turned to look at Jaskier. The sweep of his brow, the soft bow of his lips. The smattering of freckles he’d collected from weeks on the road, lying in fields and letting the sun kiss his cheeks. To be jealous of the sun, Geralt thought wryly.

Jaskier turned to meet his gaze, realizing that he was being watched. “What is it?” he asked.

“Why did you come with me?” Geralt asked.

Jaskier chuckled a bit, leaning back on one hand. His shirt was unlaced a ways down the front, leaving his dark chest hair exposed. Geralt wanted to put his nose in the hollow of his throat and just breathe there for a while. “I’m not one to turn down a free holiday, my dear.”

“No,” Geralt said, trying to ignore the way the pet name made his stomach flip. “I mean, why did you always come with me? Everyone… People come and go. But you always came back. Why?”

Jaskier gave him an admonishing look. Geralt didn’t know what to make of it. “You know the answer to that,” he said, and his tone held a warning that the witcher didn’t understand.

“I know you value our friendship,” Geralt replied, “but I could say that of many. It’s not the same.”

“Oh Geralt,” Jaskier sighed, his face full of fondness and exasperation and, strangely, an old sort of grief. “You truly are the most unobservant man in the land. You’ve been far more than a friend to me for many years.”

Geralt felt his heart rate pick up at that, the slow thud speeding up to match Jaskier’s. “You’re saying…” He found himself unable to complete the thought. Even after so many years of trying to do better, it was still impossible to form words past the thundering in his ears. This moment felt delicate, like the wrong phrase might shatter it apart.

“I assumed you knew,” Jaskier said with a shrug. The line of his shoulders was just slightly too tense, his body radiating faux casualness. Anyone else may have been fooled, but Geralt had been watching Jaskier for years. “I would never have let it change anything between us, you must know that. You were always involved with someone else - Yennefer, and then Triss and Shani… I didn’t want to get in the way of that. Something that could make you happy.”

“I thought it would,” Geralt said honestly. His gaze flickered over Jaskier’s impassive face. The bard rarely showed his nerves in his expressions, too much a performer for that. Instead it made its way to his hands, twitching over his thighs and worrying the fabric of the blanket, and his heart, which raced in his chest. “I wanted to be the right person for them. Yen wanted me to be useful. Triss wanted me to be a knight in shining armor. They made me feel like I was better than just a witcher.” Jaskier’s lovely mouth twisted slightly, a note of bitterness in his gaze as he looked out over the vineyards. Geralt hurried on. “But you’re the one who made me feel like being a witcher was already good enough.”

Jaskier turned back to him, blinking in surprise. “Well of course it is,” he said, and naturally the bard had missed the point, honing in on his favorite subject: the reputation of witchers and Geralt’s sense of self worth. “You’re already useful, and noble, and good and kind besides all that. You don’t have to be more than what you are to deserve - fuck, basic human connection and love.” He settled slightly, his gesturing hands falling into his lap once more. “Is that why you left them?”

“The Path always calls,” Geralt said with a shrug. “No one but you ever wanted to follow me.”

“Oh,” Jaskier said, blushing. Geralt watched the color rise up over his cheek bones with something like fascination, or maybe hunger. “Well, now you know why,” he continued, with obviously false cheer. He gave Geralt a rueful smile. “I promise I won’t make things awkward. I’ve had decades to practice. I mean, it’s been thirty years. If you were going to fall in love with me you probably would have done so already, hmm?”

“You’d think so,” Geralt agreed. “Sorry it took me so long.” And then he leaned into Jaskier’s space and kissed him.

It wasn’t a very good kiss. Barely a kiss at all, really, considering that Jaskier had frozen under him. Geralt pulled back, lifting a hand to run it gently over Jaskier’s side. The bard was absolutely still, his eyes closed tight. There was a small crease between his eyebrows that Geralt wanted to kiss away, but he wasn’t sure if he should. “Sorry,” he said softly.

Jaskier’s eyes fluttered open. It was unfair that a man could have beautiful eyelashes, Geralt mused, but here they were. “You mustn’t toy with me, witcher,” Jaskier croaked. His voice was raw, as if he’d been singing for hours.

Geralt moved his hand to the bard’s face, his thumb following along the line of his jaw and up to trace across his cheekbone. Freckles like stars under his fingers. “I’m not,” he rumbled. “I swear it, Jaskier. I just -” He paused, trying to marshal his thoughts. “You were always there. No matter how shitty the Path was, or how miserable people were to you because of me, or how much I pushed you away. You stayed. You made me feel like I was worth something, and you made other people think that way too. Every day without you on the Path was always misery. I should have realized sooner, but I’m not… good at this. I’m sorry.”

Jaskier’s head dropped forward, his brow resting on Geralt’s collarbone. “I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you apologize in the span of a minute,” he said, voice thin. “This is a lot to take in. Are you saying that you… that you love me? You, Geralt of Rivia, are in love with me?”

“Yes,” Geralt said, smiling into Jaskier’s hair. “That’s what I’m trying to say.”

Jaskier pulled away to stare at him. Geralt tried to let his affection through, drinking in Jaskier’s beloved face like he hadn’t allowed himself before. The last rays of the sun played over Jaskier’s hair, turning some of the strands to brilliant amber. His eyes were over bright. Whatever the bard saw in Geralt’s expression must have been enough, because the next moment they were kissing again.

It was, Geralt thought, a miracle that he had ever gone so long without doing so. Now that they’d begun, he never wanted to stop. Jaskier’s lips were warm and soft against his, and when Geralt licked slowly into his mouth he tasted of old wine. They stayed like that for a long time, Geralt holding Jaskier close, decades of tension not so much breaking as releasing like a quiet sigh of relief.

Finally they pulled apart, Geralt nosing at Jaskier’s cheek as he hummed contentment into the bard’s skin. He could feel deft fingers petting through his hair, easily working around the tangles that had formed on the walk up the hill. “I love you,” he said, pressing the words below Jaskier’s ear as if he could speak them into his core that way.

Jaskier shivered once under him. “I love you too,” he said, and Geralt could feel him smiling in the way his jaw moved. He knew Jaskier in his bones. “I’ll follow you wherever you go, you know.”

Geralt pulled back, pushing Jaskier’s fringe back with one hand as he met his eyes. “Maybe I’ll just stop running from you,” he said, smiling. Jaskier grinned back, and neither of them mentioned that his eyes were slightly damp. Geralt pushed himself to his feet and reached down a hand to his bard. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

[immerlein]

I see that some Christian women like to cover their hair, particularly the Orthodox women on your page, what is the significance of this? I find it beautiful and I’m thinking of wearing my headscarves like that as well.

Hi there! Thank you very much for this question; this is probably my favourite thing to talk about (if my #headscarf tag didn’t give that away, haha).  Wearing a headscarf/headcovering in church and in prayer is an ancient and traditional Christian practice. It is mentioned throughout the Bible:

1.) The priest shall stand the woman before the Lord, uncover the woman’s head, and put the offering for remembering in her hands (Numbers 5:18)  (her head must have been covered for this to make sense) 2.) Then Rebekah lifted her eyes, and when she saw Isaac she dismounted from her camel; for she had said to the servant, “Who is this man walking in the field to meet us?” The servant said, “It is my master.” So she took a veil and covered herself. (Genesis 24:64-65) 3.)  Now Susanna was exceeding delicate, and beautiful to behold. But those wicked men commanded that her face should be uncovered, (for she was covered,) that so at least they might be satisfied with her beauty. Therefore her friends and all her acquaintance wept. (The Story of Susanna / Daniel 13:31-33)

And, most famously:

4.) Now I praise you, brethren, that you remember me in all things and keep the traditions just as I delivered them to you. But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonors his head. But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, for that is one and the same as if her head were shaved. For if a woman is not covered, let her also be shorn. But if it is shameful for a woman to be shorn or shaved, let her be covered. For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man. For this reason the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God. (1 Corinthians 11)

Our Church Fathers write of headcovering, saying: “The angels are present here... Open the eyes of faith and look upon this sight. For if the very air is filled with angels, how much more so the Church! ...Hear the Apostle teaching this, when he bids the women to cover their heads with a veil because of the presence of the angels.” - St John Chrysostom, referring to St Paul’s writing in Corinthians.  Origen said, “There are angels in the midst of our assembly...we have here a twofold Church, one of men, the other of angels...And since there are angels present...women, when they pray, are ordered to have a covering upon their heads because of those angels. They assist the saints and rejoice in the Church.” Instructions for catechumens in The Apostolic Tradition, by St. Hippolytus of Rome, include this: “Moreover, let all the women have their heads veiled with a scarf...” And St. Cyril of Alexandria, commenting on I Corinthians, wrote: “The angels find it extremely hard to bear if this law [that women cover their heads] is disregarded.”

I should probably mention now how this passage in Corinthians can be taken to mean that women are ‘inferior’ to men in some way, and that is what the covering represents. I won’t pretend that there aren’t people who might think this is the case, however, if we look at the Greek translation of “for this reason, the woman should have a symbol of authority of her head, because of the angels” we find the word “exousia”, which means “right/power/authority”. “Exousia” is also used in John 1:12: “As many as received Him, to them He gave exousia to become children of God, to those who believe in His name.” The headcovering is not a sign of a man’s authority over the woman, rather it is an outward sign of her own authority/right/power as a woman.  Another question you might be asking yourself is “why would angels care???”  To borrow from orthodoxinfo.com: “In her book, The Holy Angels, Mother Alexandra writes: “The Celestial hierarchies are the spiritual reality of ordered creation, the stable patterns in which disruption is unknown...” Obedience is characteristic of the angelic realm.”

In Orthodoxy we recognise nine orders/ hierarchies of celestial beings, arranged in three choirs. 

“Seraphim and cherubim are in the first, archangels and angels in the third choir, closest to us. Without obedience there is chaos and disorder. St. John Chrysostom, in a sermon on I Corinthians, speaks of how distinction in male and female dress—and particularly the veiling of women—“ministers effectively to good order among mankind.” Taking off the veil was “no small error,” said St. John; ”...it is disobedience.” It “disturbs all things and betrays the gifts of God, and casts to the ground the honor bestowed...For to [the woman] it is the greatest of honor to preserve her own rank.” To some who argued that a woman, by taking off her covering, “mounts up to the glory of man,” Chrysostom answers: “She doth not mount up, but rather falls from her own proper honor...Since not to abide within our own limits and the laws of God, but to go beyond, is not an addition, but a diminution...” Always emphasizing the equality between man and woman, Chrysostom admonishes the man “not to dishonor her who governs next to thyself.” The issue was order, not superiority or inferiority. At Matins for Orthodoxy Sunday, we sing, “Come and let us celebrate a day of joy: Now heaven makes glad! Earth with all the hosts of angels and the companies of mortal men, each in their varied order, keeps the feast.” “ - from orthodoxinfo.com

Fr. Basil Rhodes wrote in his Master of Divinity thesis in 1977 on the veiling of women in I Cor. 11 “Man is the head of the woman, according to Genesis and to St. Paul who compares the relationship of man and woman with that of the Son to the Father: ‘And the head of Christ is God’ (I Cor. 2:3). It would be a grave error to say that Christ is inferior to His Father.”  (it would be heresy!) 

Timothy McFadden writes: “Members of the Godhead—and His image—are not interchangeable. As God Father and Son are equal and One in nature, so also they are unique and not interchangeable. Similarly, though equal in nature, man is not woman, woman is not man. They are distinguishable.” - from orthodoxinfo.com

I posted about it a little while ago, but I also heard another interpretation of “because of the angels” on the Ancient Faith radio podcast called The Lord of Spirits. They linked it back to sexual immortality between humanity and spiritual beings, so not only do you need to cover to be modest among human beings, you also need to because angels might, I don’t know, be tempted by you? (The context of the passage was essentially around pagan converts to Christianity and explaining how Christian worship was not sexual/did and does not contain ritualistic sex.) @hymnsofheresy added some additional commentary from her classes: “1 Corinthians 11:4 specifies that covering is especially required when a woman is prophesying. In Hellenistic temples, it was understood that prophecy could result in a sexual encounter with spiritual beings. Veiling in church while prophesying was a way of preventing women from having sexual intercourse with (or being raped by) an angel. Angel theology at the time was heavily influenced by the Book of Enoch, and it was likely that many people saw angels as sexually capable beings who desired human women.”  I have absolutely zero idea how much this (if at all) influenced the continued practice of Christian women covering their heads in church/during prayer, but it is certainly fascinating to think about nevertheless. 

For me, on a personal level, I wear a headscarf as an outward sign of respect for holy spaces and holy practices, to help myself focus on prayer, as an imitation of the Theotokos (and other women saints), for modesty, because I respect the tradition, and largely simply because I like them! At my parish, they’re required if you want to partake of the Holy Mysteries (communion, confession, etc) but I’ve also been in Orthodox parishes that don’t require it (though perhaps encourage it). An old friend of mine once told me how his priest said that women are lucky to have a covering/protection to be sheltered by as they approach the Holy Chalice for communion, because it is SO holy and men have no such shroud. I thought that was pretty interesting too! 

I hope this is helpful to you! Please feel free to ask more if you need to :)