#only one of them is going to turn this country into a facist dictatorship

[thisgunisonfire]

Happy save democracy day everyone!

[moonlightmancer]

I’m like, trying not to freak out super hard so I’m gonna rant about Ozian and vague about his backstory buckle UP kiddos

Ozian is, at his core, a really selfless and caring person. He’s always been that way, even when he was a little kid (prior to the Piano Incident, he was always thinking about ways to make Unwin happy), and even after years of abuse and terror he still did things that, in the Bahltair house, were dangerous, just to make the people he lived with happier. He was nervous, yes, but he was compassionate and only had the most base of fears as far as self-preservation went (and to be fair, there were a lot of punishments that would’ve extended to other members of the staff as well that he was afraid of. It wasn’t just a “uh oh I might get in trouble!” Kind of deal. Everyone could’ve gotten in trouble).

Contrast with current Ozian. He’s still got those instincts, but he’s spent years applying them differently, and his ideals make him think certain actions are more compassionate or selfless than they are from a chaotic, neutral, or good point of view rather than his lawful and evil one. He still shines in moments—throwing himself between Brort and the owlbear, holding Betty’s hand in the Pale Halls and asking her favorite food, the bunk bed talk with Atreus. But he is fundamentally changed now, and it would be so difficult to get him somewhere else. Something very important about him is that he follows Rolterra’s doctrine to the letter. He interprets it in his own way, yes, and that interpretation is definitely different (and certainly more inclusive) than other Rolterrans, but...he is determined to stick to those values.

A great example of that is how he thinks of the “all people should/will unite under Her banner before the world ends” doctrine. He extends “people” to way more than just typical humanoids. Lots of folk think werewolves and stuff aren’t people. He disagrees. Bugbears, fae, fiends, elementals even. He wants to create a Rolterran community that welcomes anyone who follows Her, not just humans and half elves and dwarves and gnomes, etc. He thinks that’s narrow minded. He thinks he used to be narrow minded! Hell, he didn’t even believe in Rolterra until after he died in her rebellion. AFTER. He had to actually deadass talk to her before he thought anything of her beyond “she makes me nervous”.

Basically he met god, got revived, and immediately thought “I owe this woman everything”. He thought his life should be in service, trying to pay back every single day what she thought his life was worth. His life was worth fancy clothes and a masterwork weapon and new powers he couldn’t understand for the longest time. Him, a slave and a bastard, a nine year old chef de partie, a casualty of a failed rebellion. He was worth the effort to Rolterra. Shouldn’t all of his effort, for the rest of his life, be hers? Be the world’s to take, and use, and even spit back out at him? Didn’t he know how to take it, really, after years of pain and suffering at the hands of Unwin? It was like pre-training. Teaching him how to use magic and fight properly was easy. He got back up every time he got hit because what did it matter? His body is covered in scars from so many different things. He knows every kind of agony. Of course he’ll bleed for Rolterra. He’ll bleed for anyone he deems worthy, and honestly, that’s the whole party at this point. He missed having friends.

He’ll bleed for no real reason, actually! That’s an interesting point—he dresses like he does so he knows who’s hostile towards the Bahltairs and who isn’t. The ones who aren’t are the real enemies. People like Daniela and Jakon. They’re the people who know what’s happening in places like Frost Hallows and the elven empire and other secluded areas and they turn a blind eye. They smile and nod and mutter about how terrible Unwin is to have at parties, he always causes a scene, but they laugh. They don’t get angry. They don’t try to help. That’s why he doesn’t get mad when someone throws a rock at him or a thief tells him off for carrying the house sigil in the form of a ring. He feels like it is deserved, after all, he could’ve been a trueborn son in another world. Grown up just like Unwin. Maybe worse, even, a real vile creature capable of unspeakable atrocities. Imagine for me, perhaps, how Ozian may have turned out if his drive and his passion were directed elsewhere. Conquering Arcenciel. Turning the whole country into a facist dictatorship, making slavery legal, taking anything he wanted whenever he wanted it and being proud to say it. If he had nightmares, that’s what they would be. Being a worse monster than Unwin would haunt his every night. It haunts him enough as it is during the day. He’s really, really happy he didn’t inherit the draconic bloodline.

He thinks like Unwin sometimes, and his physical disgust response is so powerful sometimes I literally roll to see if he looks like he’s going to be sick. His first response upon finding out that Unwin remarried and his wife was pregnant was “I could take her, and the kid, and say to him what he said to me before he killed my real family. I could rip them to pieces while he watched, helpless, and it would be the greatest sight I’ve ever seen. I could harm and heal them for hours. I could make him beg me to stop.” And then he realized how deeply fucked up that was, and almost had to get up from the table and ask Jakon to excuse him while he had a panic attack. He knows how horrible it is. But it keeps creeping back into his mind. Honestly? He hasn’t decided if he’s going to do it anyway or not. He doesn’t know, if given the chance, if he would do it.

Unwin would do it. Unwin might even do worse. But Ozian tries so hard every day to do things differently, peacefully, without bloodshed or lies. The fact he has some of Unwin’s hateful, vengeful nature is something he can’t stand.

But what is the point of this rant? It’s that he has an incredible capacity for selflessness, and within it, there is a level of self destruction. He has a few spells that are really, really not healthy for ANYONE when they are cast (hint: he hasn’t used bloodbath yet but soon. Soon.) but he won’t hesitate to use them if he sees a strategic advantage in it. Ozian would walk forward along a spear if it meant he’d be able to strangle the enemy holding it. He’d shield one of his friends from a rain of arrows if it meant they didn’t have to know what he knows about life and death. He’s not haunted by death, like Abidyl is, but rather, he’s the ghost. He wants to cling to people’s lives and keep them going. He wants Rolterra to tell him he’s done well, because it means his blood is still worth something.

He cooks and watches over everyone and listens when they talk and yes, he’s evil, he has done and will continue to do terrible things that he thinks are perfectly reasonable or morally right (cough all of Redmill cough), but he feels everything in such intensity it’s almost impossible for him to get it out.

Abidyl’s relationship with her goddess and dying is an analysis for another time, but, yeah, that’s Oz. He thinks he’s a punching bag. He doesn’t care. He really doesn’t care anymore.