#only got 4 hours of sleep this weekend I am up to here full of evils and sludge and mud and grime and crimes

[crowcryptid]

google search how to stop being full of evil

[thegorysaint]

Long Time No See

Hello everyone! I'm finally at the tail end of the rough month I had (and years).

 I wanted to get back to streaming today but i think i will take a couple extra days and start on Tuesday. Now I will explain what happened, so if you are not interested in that you can skip the read no problem : )

Mid May I got a really bad case of gastritis that lasted for 3 to 4 days, meaning, I had really bad stomach ache, I honestly dont remember but i probably ate something too spicy. Then after that week on a Sunday at 2 am I got what i thought was an allergic reaction to some ham and salami. I went to the ER when I started feeling itchy all over and my face swollen.

I stood around the ER for about hour and a half and I was not getting treated, so i just decided to go at the drugstore for at least some allergic medicine, i was feeling better on the way home but as soon as i was pulling up I felt bad again, i was really tired, it was almost 6 am so i went to take a nap to rest and let the medicine work. I woke up an hour later with a rash all over my arms and itchy all over my neck and chest. I googled to see if there was a 24/7 doctor nearby and luckily there was one.

After explaining everything I got a shot for the allergic reaction and some pills to take the next 3 days. Omg, it was so bad, at that time i didnt know the shot should of taken care of the reaction, so i thought it was normal and was gonna go away with the pills. The rash was going away little by little the next couple of ways but still very itchy and visiting the bathroom too many times during the day (not the good kind of bathroom visits).

After going to the same clinic but different Doctor, i was diagnosed with Food Intoxication, not food poisoning or allergic reaction, I had a fever that i didnt notice. So they were gonna give me antibiotics pills but i asked to get the injections, because I know antibiotics are really bad for my gut and i was already at my limit with the bathroom visits. Luckily the Doctor said ok and i had to take only 3 injections, 1 each day, and some pills in case i felt more pain or fever. Literally 40 minutes after the first injection i felt great, no pain in my stomach or guts, it got so relaxed that i was able to burp and without feeling nauseous for the first time in a week.

I was finally so relaxed that i was able to sleep a full night. After the 3 days have passed i was feeling so good, better than what i've felt in the last couple of months. I was able to eat without wanting to puke it out as soon as it touched my mouth, and the bathroom only saw me once a day. Funny thing is, my brother came for a surprise visit so, while i was still recovering physically, he helped me to recover mentally, he stayed for a week and by the end of it i was feeling so good and full of energy (even tho I was under the sun sweating my butt off a couple of days).

He left before this past weekend so i've been just recharging my social battery. I was feeling so good i got into the pool a couple times to just relax, pretty much I had a vacation week because my bro was here (totally making me want to go to my hometown again but the heat is worse there for some reason).

So, for now I just need to get my energy back and not let the bad energies to return, I'm trying to focus this week on getting my sleeping schedule back to normal (something i fixed before i got sick), and trying to get in the rhythm of drawing again. I want to get some stuff before I go to visit my bro for a couple of months around mid August or September but I really need to sell some stuff I dont need. Also kinda making plans to move to Japan as soon as possible, the forecast for my country is not good with the election and if the new term people have it their way, Mexico is heading to a really bad place.

I wanted to visit USA before going to Japan to visit friends but obviously I havent been making enough money to save up, so unless i win the lottery that aint happening because my mom doesnt want to go to USA for whatever reason. That means I will start fully focusing on getting on track with projects so I can afford a living.

Sorry for the delay of all my stuff, last year was really bad mentally and physically for me, and sentimentally was devastated for the second year in a row, now I will try to focus on not getting attached to people for a while and just work work work (dont worry, that just means im not going to search for a romantic long term relationship, specially not long distance online)

So, I apologize for my lack of professionalism and I really appreciate your patience, it really means a lot.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/long-time-no-see-105561594

[kaladinsspear]

Diary entry featuring thoughts on burnout and burnout recovery. Feel free to read or give your thoughts if you want, but its probably not that interesting to most people. ^_^

I have been very frustrated with myself lately. I have always been a relatively disciplined and internally motivated person, but lately it feels like my willpower just doesn't exist. I have slept past my alarm and been late for work, gotten distracted by my phone and added hours to my work day, missed assignment deadlines and blew off assigned reading at school, let my room become a mess, missed doctor appointments, eaten a stupid amount of sugar, ect. Its honestly embarrassing, and I've been really angry with myself.

I just saw a post talking about how a freelance worker structures their day and enforces breaks for things like yoga, nutritious meals, and walking. They build vacation days into their schedule, and they do not work on weekends. The poster said that when they first started working freelance, the worked so much that they burnt out, and are only just now starting to regain a measure of the productivity that they lost.

Reading that post gave me an epiphany: I'm burnt the fuck out and it makes sense that I'm struggling to be productive. I have spent the last 4 years (at least) in a state of near panic trying to manage the amount of work I had to do. I was getting up at 5:30, going to bed at 10:30/11:00 and pushing pushing pushing every minuite inbetween. I got to sleep in until 9:00 on the weekends, and that was the extent my break.

I guess the post just made me realize that burnout requires recovery, and that recovery takes longer than a few weeks or even a few months. I might be in a much better place, but it it took me years to get here, it is going to take more than a few months to recover.

In light of this epiphany, I'm going to stop stressing about it so much. Its summer, which means that I have from sunrise until sunset to get my work done, and the pools are mostly clean. I'm going to try to get distracted as little as possible, but im not going to be mad at myself for struggling to stay on task. Extra long work days are irritating, but it wont effect my paycheck and it wont effect my reputation in the company. I'm not going to go back to school full time. I have to keep going because if I stop I have to start paying student loans, but I'm going to accept that it will take me an extra couple years to graduate and stick with 2 classes a semester instead of 4.

I'm not going to change what I'm doing all that much, but I'm going to show myself a little more forgivenes and grace and trust that I am a responsible and disciplined person, that that those parts of my personality will reassert themselves when I have recovered enough for them to do so. In the mean time, my job is to find support structures to keep my life together, and cultivate an environment which allows me to grow.

[shion-yu]

Gave myself almost-pneumonia and my couch looks like a damn stock photo.

Since the whole time I’ve been like, “Am I living one of my shitty fanfictions? Coz this sucks.” Let me tell y’all a story.

Cold weather sucks as a severe asthmatic. I moved to the South so I didn’t have to deal with the frigid winters of upstate NY. I’m basically on and off sick until Spring comes (and then there’s allergy season but I digress). I think it’s helped some, but my lungs are just fucked up ok?

Anyways I went to a concert last Saturday and it was freezing. Then I went to the zoo on Sunday with a friend and it was also cold and swarming with kids who don’t know how to cover their mouths when they cough. It was a great weekend but by Tuesday I was sick - great. I had some warning bc my friend I went to the zoo with said they got sick yesterday. But it just seemed like a minor cold and I’ve been through this a million times, I truly did not think it was gonna get too much worse. My asthma was mostly under control and I rested a lot all week.

Thursday I’m more tired, but I start nebulizer treatments and even skip ice skating class and reschedule it for Saturday bc hey, I’m responsible. But Friday I start to feel worse. Like to the point where everybody at work is like wtf go home and one of them told me she’s gonna get me holy water. But it’s okay, it’s still been SO much worse and I’m really fine.

Saturday morning I wake up and I feel like I’m cured. So I go to ice skating class. And maybe I take a little walk in the rain. Bad fuckin idea. By the end of the day I’m having full blown asthma attacks one after the other and sweating like crazy. My abdomen is aching from coughing so much that it hurts to sit up. But I really don’t want to go to the ER. Not again. So I message my pulmonologist and hope I can just say never mind I’m good now by the time he answers on Monday.

That brings us to today, Sunday. I woke up at 6am after only 4 hours of sleep because I can’t stop choking. I’m sneezing and coughing up fluorescent green stuff, my throat tastes like blood and I have a fever. I really, really didn’t want to go to the doctor but it’s time. I drag my sorry ass to urgent care where the entire hour I sit in waiting, everybody who walks by gives me a ‘goddamn’ look because I’m coughing loud enough to alert the entire damn office. I’m so embarrassed bc what if they think I’m being dramatic and wasting time - again? I awkwardly explain my situation and the doctor sends me for CXR. When it comes back he says “Well, you don’t have pneumonia yet but see alllll this stuff here? That’s inflammation. I’m gonna prescribe antibiotics and (way heavier) steroids and you might have bronchitis already but your asthma is so bad that it’s indistinguishable by now. Also with your lungs you probably won’t be able to tell you have pneumonia until it’s pretty bad.”

So anyways, that’s my week. At least I got a lot of writing done for Whumptober - didn’t have to dig very deep to find enough misery to go around to all my fav OCs lol.

[dollsonmain]

Today I should rest and spend time with myself but there's too much to do.

I need to look for insurance some more, shower, catch up on chores, get ready to go get groceries/make the list....

Yesterday I remembered something.

So, I get up really early in the morning in the hopes of getting a little time to myself with the quiet.

On weekdays That Guy gets up at 4 and so do I. I make sure I'm up and out of bed, downstairs, drinking my coffee before he gets out of the shower so he doesn't come kneel down and try to stick his dick in my face every morning.

He leaves at 5.

Then, if I'm lucky, Son will stay in bed until 6 but he usually gets up at 5 because That Guy stomps and slams and insists on having a conversation or giving me a lecture first thing in the morning when I'm not even awake, yet.

This morning it was "Our son doesn't know some specific information which is not available to him and he's disrespecting me by not having this information that doesn't exist can you figure it out but don't tell him you're figuring it out behind his back because I want him to do it even though he can't." Again.

Son leaves at 7.

On the weekends I often wake up around 5 or 5:30 and try to sneak out of bed

Usually, Son is already awake and he gets up as soon as he hears me moving around in the house. He starts immediately with noise videos, noisy apps, transcribing music, etc. and he talks the whole time. Louder, and louder, and louder with the occasional "Dad's asleep, still, watch your volume [because I'd like him to stay that way]" from me.

Often That Guy is woken up by me getting out of bed and also gets up because he's suddenly Alone and that's unacceptable.

Yesterday, I was up and trying to work on something on the computer, Son got up and started in but I've gotten pretty good at both engaging with him and continuing to work, then That Guy got up and demanded my full attention constantly.

I snapped at him a bit saying I was busy and leave me alone, which I feel bad about, but if I'm sitting in front of a screen, typing, with multiple resource tabs open, actively researching and processing information, I don't need a play-by-play of every fart, the fact the house is cold like every winter, and what he's eating/drinking, and are you still working are you still working are you still working I want to play video games and you have to watch.

...

It reminded me of a time at my grandma's house when my aunt and I were still young. My aunt is 5 years younger than I am, so we are close in age.

Grandma put us to bed in her bed, which was a queen, and my aunt kept scooting over so she was basically on top of me. I told her to move and give me space, but she wouldn't.

I got up and went to the other side of the bed repeatedly in the night and every time she'd scoot over on top of me again.

Eventually I took a blanket into the living room to sleep on the couch, and she followed me there, too.

In the morning I complained to grandma and she said I was being mean and my aunt just wanted to cuddle and be close to me.

What I needed didn't matter.

-

That persists. It doesn't matter that I need time to myself. I'm expected [by That Guy] to pay attention to Son at all times and to pay attention to That Guy at all times.

The only time I get truly to myself is very early in the morning if I'm lucky enough the boys stay in bed, or for about an hour at night because I go to bed earlier than everyone else on purpose.

This is why I call Monday my recovery day, but I don't get Monday, either. Monday is groceries day.

Even if I try going down to the basement, That Guy starts stomping around overhead as hard as he can, just to remind me he's up here, he's Alone, I'm not doing what he wants me to do, and he's bored.

It doesn't matter how much I beg the people around to please, please just get off of me.

It's very frustrating.

-

Anyway, that's all part of why I'm so hard focused on the basement right now, I guess.

Desperately trying to regain control of literally anything, trying to find a quiet place where I can breathe, trying to feel human again.

[sentimental-apathy]

Man, if I just had the physical healthiness it takes to physically get things done, my life would be so much better.

Like the economic circumstances would still be shitty but goddammit if I wasn't chronically uncomfortable and in pain so much and doing one simple physical task didn't diminish my entire stamina... my room would be clean, my laundry would be done, my bedroom would actually be the sanctuary space I've got designed in my mind and I could work extra shifts if my body could physically handle it. So much of what's wrong with my life is physical discomfort ALL the time and not having the stamina to deal with the discomfort and physical pain that comes with exertion. Not to mention not having access to genuinely good Healthcare that isn't designed to do bare minimum for high profits...

I just wanna have more energy. But so much of my energy is spent on simply dealing with pain and discomfort due to chronic arthritis, fibromyalgia, and nerve pain.

About 5 months ago I bought an elliptical machine real cheap on sale. It's sitting in a box in my parents garage because I am not capable of moving it upstairs. Nor am I physically capable of rearranging the furniture in my bedroom to make space for it. I need another family member's help moving big things. I am barely able to lift a 40lb bag of cat litter because of how much my body physically sucks. It sucks when you're slightly disabled and you get a piece of equipment that could potentially help better your condition (losing a bit of weight and getting some cardio exercise would lessen my chronic pain) but you need so much help from others to even get the equipment set up in the first place. I've deep cleaned my room a few times since I've gotten that elliptical but I often work weekends and my brother, the one who can help me rearrange furniture, works the days I'm off. And on the days off we have had allign, we've both been too physically exhausted from work that we procrastinate and put off what needs done (my brother works a very physically demanding factory job and I hate to ask for his physical help on his only 2 days off per week).

I've been applying to other jobs here and there but so far haven't had anything worthwhile. I'm certainly not going to leave 1 part time job for another when the one I have not only pays more but pays for my lunch and I love and get along well with all my colleagues and managers.

The thing is, I could work full time, IF I could PHYSICALLY get through a 8-10 hour shift 4 or 5 days at a time. I've made the unfortunate discovery, time and time again, that when I force my body to work past its breaking point, I end up hospitalized because I have lyme disease which flares up when I stress my body out too much. I inevitably stop sleeping, the chronic pain gets unbearable, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a psych ward because I stopped sleeping again due to too much physical and mental stress. It's extremely debilitating to deal with both physical AND mental illness that go hand in hand.

I honestly don't know what the answers or solutions to my problems are. I know losing some weight will help lessen the arthritic pain and so I've convinced myself this elliptical machine will change my life for the better. And I'm sure it will. But on the other hand, I also live in a society that, if I was ACTUALLY completely disabled, would not give me disability benefits without me literally hiring a lawyer to prove I'm "disabled enough" to qualify for help. One of my closest friends is on disability and gets less than $800/month. How does one survive on that?? How does anybody working 50+ hours/week just to pay for BASIC necessities like housing, food, and basic Healthcare NOT SEE HOW FUCKED THIS ALL IS? WHY ARE WE LIVING LIKE THIS????

I'm extremely privileged in that, for now, with my parents still alive and well off enough, I have housing. The truth is, I'd be homeless if it weren't for my family. I see so many people struggling constantly just to make ends meet. And I wish I could help. I wish we all had more. Just more in this life. I'm barely scraping by paying my bills monthly and I don't even have kids. If you're reading this and you're working yourself to the bone just to afford basics like housing and food... I'm so sorry that this society has failed us. I implore you though. Please vote in November. I know Biden is not our first choice by a looooong mile. But the alternative to him is literally a nightmare beyond comprehension for disabled people. Let alone disabled lgbtq people. Project 25 would mean no more almost free Healthcare for someone like me who's barely hanging on economically by a thread. Another 4 years of Biden gives us all time to continue recuperating from Trumps administration and hopefully pushes the left into more progressive stances. And 4 more years give us more time to find an even BETTER left candidate to take his place. Please vote. And vote blue.

[pbandjesse]

It felt like a whole week. There was many many parts of today. But it was a good day.

I wish I had gotten more sleep. But I have a 4 day weekend starting tomorrow so I am hoping to catch up on some rest.

Some of the problem was that I was woke up at 5:55 by the smoke alarm going off. It was scary!!! James was running around trying to turn it off. And letting me know that it wasn't a fire, it wasn't even smoke! They were just baking and for some reason it set off and was really scary. But they got it handled and I fell back asleep for an hour.

When I woke up I wasn't amazing but I was trying to not be sad. I was looking forward to the day. Things would be okay. Even if my soda didn't taste right.

But then I got to the car and we had almost no gas. I forgot to tell James we needed more and I was going to have to fill my own tank. I hate hate hate pumping gas. About halfway to work though the light came on and I had to get off the highway to deal with that.

And it didn't go through best but it wasn't the worst. I went to Royal farms and the real issue of the screen was broken and I got confused with my credit card. So I ended up just going to a different pump and then it was fine. Though I wasn't sure when it was done. But it was fine and I filled the tank and went to camp.

I would only beat Sarah and Elizabeth by a couple minutes. And once they were here I would get the gator and ropes key and went to set up.

I was about half way done by Nick asked me to come down to bring them the key so they could set up the rock wall. Can do. I drove down there quickly and picked them up. I would get briefly stuck behind Mannie's car. But grabbed Nick and Sarah and dropped them off before going back to the office to get Dachelle and Elizabeth and brought them home to ground elements. Elizabeth was teasing me for driving so fast but we got home there in record time!!

I finished setting up and gave them the keys to the gator and walked down to the office. I had my breakfast and chilled for a bit but soon we were all going to the lodge to pick up our group.

This is a school that comes twice a year. They bring us their freshmen right at the begining of the school year, and then their seniors right at the end of the school year. So they come to us at the beginning and at the end. And it is just such a cute way to do this. And I always love working with them.

And I like to think I make low ropes fun. I go over safety rules. I explain how to do each element. And then I would let them explore and try and it was just so much fun.

There was so silliness. Two boys just being a lot. Pushing each other and being silly. Spotters letting their friends fall. Thankfully no one was very hurt but one girl got her entire leg scrapped. Ouch ouch ouch. My favorite was when one group got very very into my saying "Paws not claws" and were legit screaming it and screaming "spotters on!!!!" And being so dramatic in their poses. But it was honestly the best case scenario because they were having fun and I was having fun.

Since they were doing great we all finished ho pretty quickly and we were able to go over to the horses. Which everyone loved. I had filled my fanny pack with peppermints to entice the horses. And that worked really well. Many of the horses had fly masks on today but they were all still sweet and cute and the teens were really having fun petting them and feeding them and I wish I was better about knowing which horse was who but I try!! I am just so bad at it for some reason. Something I will keep working on.

The day was laid out funny though. I had a group. Then an hour off. Where I would go and work on research for horse programs. Then a group. Then a three hour break. Where the teens had lunch and then swimming. I would eat my lunch, hung out with Chloe and we discussed the horse camp schedule and then I went to lay in my hammock for an hour. It was great. I missed my hammock.

Finally I had my last group. And it was full of laughing. And when we went to hang out with the horses even Obie the mini came out and we fed them lots of peppermints and it was great.

But it was time for them to leave me. I directed the teacher to take them back to the lodge. Where their parents were waiting to surprise them to have a dinner to celebrate them finishing highschool. I congratulated them and wished them luck in their future adventures, academic or otherwise. And said goodbye and thank you for hanging out with me.

I stayed behind the take down low ropes. I saw that Brayden was over with Dachelle and Mannie at flying squirrel so I called on the walkie to trade him about not being helpful (he is incredibly helpful) and ask him to come help me out ropes away. Mostly I wanted him to move the ladder and he did and we chatted about camp and things we are looking forward to. His help made clean up go very quick and I was able to head down to the office.

I grabbed my stuff, said goodbye to Heather and Alexi, changed into flipflops, and went home.

Traffic was fine until I was 2 miles from home. Which added 10 minutes to my drive! Horrible. I just wanted to go home. But I would get back. And was so happy to see James. They were getting all the bread and salad they had made for Charlotte ready. I would take a moment to collect some of the snails from the frog tank. Then went and collected Charlotte's birthday gift. (Not related to the snails.) And then went to take a shower and get changed.

Once I was ready we would go to the Fulwilers. And it was a really nice evening. We had Mac and cheese and Caeser salad and nice bread. And for dessert we had strawberry shortcake cake. And while the food was good the company was better. Charlotte told us about her upcoming trip to Portugal and gave me some great ideas for research and places to look for me and mom for Scotland. I talked about that trip and the planning for that. And it was fun talking about our students and their funny idiosyncrasies. Like her one student who exclusively speaks in old person slang. "This place is full of floosies" ECT ECT.

I was getting tired though. And after dinner and gifts (we gave Anne and Tucker the wooden tongs from the Nile gift shop, and Charlotte got a smoore making kit and the crocodile I got from the art market in Uganda), we headed home. I would talk to Callie a bit but we decided we would try and catch up more this weekend. Possibly at the farmers market.

When we got back here I felt a little peopled out. And needed to be alone on the couch for a while. But eventually James would join me again. I had opened the back door for Sweetp to run around. A bird was teasing him. But everyone was safe. And once the sun went down James brought Sweetp inside, and we closed the door for the evening.

I went upstairs to wash my hair. And hang out in the ac. I am getting really tired now. Very ready to sleep.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. I have a plan to go to the re-store, then to Home Depot. I may see Celia. And in the evening me and James are going to Sam and Paul's civil ceremony dinner. Because they are getting married three different times minimum.

I hope you all sleep good tonight. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[rainberrydrops]

21 Questions Tag

thank you for this @aomitois 🤍

1. Nickname:

✨Ries✨

2. Zodiac:

♉

3. Height:

your pocket-sized 4"11 girlie ✨

4. Jock, nerd, prep, goth?

Definitely nerd. I have a lot of interests that I enjoy talking about

5. Last thing I googled:

"Star Rail Yukong" 🤣 I just got her last night and I am going to build her so I'm looking at guides

6. Favorite musician:

I have a lot! It's hard to pick my most favorite among them. But if I were to recommend a musician to a friend, I would pick Blü Eyes. She's so underrated but her songs speak to the soul and the heart.

7. Song stuck in my head:

Currently? It's "Let Me Let You Go by One Ok Rock"

8. House or block flat?

There are very few flats here in my country, it's mostly condominium units 😅 so I will choose a house. It would be so cool to have my own house someday and I will surely enjoy decorating it

9. Followers:

971 amazing beautiful hoomans 💖✨

10. Do you get asks?

Yes, sometimes! And I really appreciate the time they took to send me one 🤍

11. Amount of sleep:

usually around 6-7 hours 😅 it's so hard for me to get a full 8 hours sleep nowadays. Life is really busy and there are a lot of things I have to do and want to do

12. What are you wearing?

It's usually hot and humid in where I live so just a basic white shirt and dark green shorts 😆

13. Dream job:

I do not dream of labor 🤣 but I'm proud to say I fulfilled the dream of my younger self and currently working as a professional writer for events marketing. She has always wanted to become a writer. While the process of achieving this is not easy and I experienced having self-doubt and questioning my life decisions countless of times, I guess you would always end up where you're supposed to go. And I can say I am content with the current job that I have. I am not an ambitious person and I have no desire to get promoted to a higher position because that would only mean more workload for me 🤣 and I hate the thought of that. I place a great value on work-life balance and that's the first thing I prioritize every time I apply for a job

14. Dream Trip:

I have a lot of places I want to visit! I guess it's because growing up, I wasn't able to travel a lot. So now that I am older and earning my own money, I want to spend it in a memorable way. I hope I can travel more in my country, the Philippines, because we've got a lot of beautiful scenery, forests, nature spots, and islands that I haven't seen yet. I want to visit the East Asian and other South East Asian countries because I'm interested in their culture. Traveling to Europe is also on my bucket list, and I want to visit The Netherlands the most so I could finally see my long-time best friend @happysops 💜

I have a lot of things I want to do 🤣

15. Instruments:

I hold high respect and admiration for musicians because I am not musically inclined 😅 I never had a chance to learn how to play any instruments

16. Language:

Tagalog, English, and I can read and understand a little bit of Korean and Japanese. I took a Spanish class back in college but I have forgotten everything I learned from there 🤣😭

17. 10 Favorite songs as of now

• Quarter Life Crisis - Taylor Bickett

• Getting Older - Blü Eyes

• Hype Boy - NewJeans

• Cupid - Fifty Fifty

• Ditto - NewJeans

• Left Right - XG

• Doushite - Takasetoya, Emi Noda

• Let Me Let You Go - One Ok Rock

• July - Laur Elle

• You'd Never Know - Blü Eyes

18. If you were an animal: 😼

19. Favorite food:

pepperoni pizza, takoyaki, dried mangoes, matcha!!

20. Random Fact:

I like watching concerts and attending art markets. I usually spend my paycheck on them 🤣 (please don't be like me). Actually, I will be attending Nmixx's concert this weekend and next week I'll be roaming around in another local art market 😆 being surrounded by talented and creative people uplifts my energy~

21. My aesthetic:

I don't really have a specific aesthetic but I like wearing comfortable clothes based on my mood on that day 😆 and cute jewelry and accessories 💖 my go-to bag is totes!

Tagging: @roselise @froglovemushroom

[springvaletales]

((Session 58 is here!))

Once again, I have no plans. I have a convention this weekend, a wedding overseas next weekend, and a custom order to complete, and I spent exactly -4% of my free time in between all that planning for tonight I was making .pdfs of in-universe plant field guides that was clearly more important.

So we’re going to steal some plot points from a few video games and BS some world lore to see what the players do with it.

New World Lore: Dream magic and spells that affect dreams are usually reserved for priests, the gods, and those who deal with them; not because of any sort of barrier or power gap, but because Skaadi is the ‘Mother of Dreams’ and most people usually respect her sphere of influence.

This will put a new, tasty spin on Bagelby’s brand new dreamscape spell, too~

None of this ‘respecting the gods’ BS is gonna fly with Vatun, however, as he is a god himself, and will disrespect his siblings at the drop of a hat.

BUT before we get to that, we have to deal with the exploding cult camp that we left on pause last session.

I had each of my players roll 1d4, averaged those results together, and spun a wheel four times.

It landed on ‘no’. Other results were ‘yes’ and ‘go straight to the plot do NOT pass go’.

The cultists were incinerated by the explosion; the party saw a blinding flash that turned night into day, and then it was all smoke and magic green ashes.

Ena, standing at the edge of the crater, still poised as if she were leaning on someone’s shoulder with her elbow: “…oops?”

Koira: “We…might have to explain this to the guard.” Thiori, shaking his head: “No we don’t.”

So much for the plan to take prisoners, huh?

Bagelby: “So….where are the cultists?" Ena: “Dead.” Thiori: “DEAD dead.”

Once the party got back to town, I had them run into Fezik Il’hound, an elven member of the Queen’s Guard sent by Captain Astaroth to retrieve reports from both the party and Koira about the Sunfell camp they were sent after.

He’s fairly certain of the answer already, given the massive explosion outside of town.

Fezik: “I am not Warforged. That is just how I am.” Asahi’s Player: “Ooooh! So he’s autistic!”

He is also carrying with him a collapsible magic spinner wheel - complete with lights and clicking noises - which he proceeded to set up right there on the road and spin.

It landed on the ‘Bastard Summoner’, which is a metal letter opener forged in the shape of a goose head holding a knife in its beak.

It summons Honk - Bagelby’s Player’s PC from the same campaign as Koira and Dynamite - for two hours twice a day…but only if Ena licks the blade, first.

Me: “Who is going to roll stealth for the rat?”

The stowaway rat in the slime pocket crushed its stealth roll, and was not detected when Asahi reached into Bagelby’s slimy pocket to lob a slug at Fezik’s head when he refused to explain what the ‘Bastard Summoner’ did.

She missed, and the slug hit a light post.

Asahi: “Tell Astaroth to go fuck himself!” Fezik, over a block away: “I will add it to the queue, ma’am.”

Ena actually tried to study her new magical item, but rolled a 9, and decided to just lick the blade and try to use it.

She summoned Honk, the Bastard Goose, who immediately pecked her in the face.

Ena chased Honk through the streets for the full two hours before he poofed away in a puff of feathers. Asahi left her to it and went back to the inn to sleep.

That night, the party went to sleep in their rented beds, and woke up in the center of a Feywild clearing; on one side of the clearing was a large banquet table, covered in desserts and alcohol, with Vatun - god of Chaos and Trickery - seated at the head of the table.

Vatun, through a mouthful of cupcake: “Please! Sit down! We have business to discuss!” Bagelby: “You’ve offered me slime and I will sit.”

Bagelby: “I am a minor. I don’t find contracts legally binding.”

"The only person with self control is no longer with you and you’re messing with a Trickster god.”

Thiori is still wearing the sexy dress in the dreamscape.

Vatun wants the party to confront and stop a local wizard who has been messing with dream magic and stealing his schtick by terrorizing the sleeping city folk with goat-themed nightmares.

Thiori: “You want us to enforce magical Copyright Law…?” Vatun: “Yes! Do you know how many queues I had to stand in to get the federal offices in every major country on all four continents to approve my paperwork?! This cannot be allowed to slide!”

Bagelby did most of the negotiations, and nearly took on the quest for a boost to his own dreamscape spell and a lifetime supply of Feywild slugs.

Thankfully, Sir Carl Jaeger spoke up to negotiate a replacement to the slugs.

Thiori: “I would like the ability to cast Otto’s Irresistible Dance. Just. To make someone dance. Uncontrollably.” Vatun, God of Chaos and Trickery: “That sounds dumb as fuck and I love it. I can’t wait to see what you do with it!”

Ena asked for one extra Eldritch Blast but also to be able to do it for non-lethal damage.

Vatun agreed purely because he’s seen her Eldritch Blast her brother in the face (Michael was fine - the Taker’s warlock’s can’t harm each other), and he wants to see her do it more.

Vatun: “To other people, not your brother. He’s been through quite a lot, I think.”

Vatun then offered Sir Carl Jaeger twenty unrestricted minutes in the dreamscape with his missing squire, which he agreed to instantly.

With a snap, the party woke up back in the inn. To her dismay, Ena - who had been devouring the pastries at Vatun’s table the whole meeting because “dream calories don’t count” - was hungry.

We’ll pick up next session the next morning, where the party may or may not discuss their shared dream and god-given quest!

[anonymousjos]

Nine & 3/4:

(Sorry, I couldn’t help myself when I realized I was adding in an entry between nine and ten!)

Full discloser, I did not complete a reading/listening today. Last night was my sleep study and I have been a zombie since 4:40 when she woke me up this morning. Seriously, when I got to my car and tried to find a Starbucks the app said the earliest one didn’t even open until 5:00! I was awake before the coffee! I dreamed that my husband and baby came with me to the sleep study and they woke me up early in the night and told me that I did not have sleep apnea but my husband does (which we already know) and his was really bad and he stopped breathing every 20 mins so they put him on the machine and then they told me my baby was fine and to give her some milk. Yall- my brain! I guess it stresses my sub-conscious out that he does not use his C-pap. Anyway, the sleep study was too far from home for me to go home so I got ready and went on to work. I slept in the parking lot for an hour before work. And look at the adorable work cat I got to see!



Then, when I went to get out of the car the thigh ripped through my jeans! So now I have gross globs of glue in my hair and ripped jeans! Is it Monday again? Anyway again, I zombied through to lunch and couldn’t decide if I should go take another nap in my car, or eat, or play on my phone, skipping lunch was not an option or I was going to end up face down on my keyboard. I made it to my car and it was so warm and sunny and beautiful outside I decided to go for a drive. I work in a town an hour from where I live so when I first started at this job I would explore a lot on my lunch break. Now, most days I either work though lunch or only take a break out of a nap necessity (hence the sleep study). I’ll probably regret not napping today but hey I picked up an energy drink, maybe it’ll get me through. Anyway again again, I know there is a lake near hear because I pass a spill off on my way in every day. I have attempted to find it before with no luck.  Today I broke down and GPS’ed it and I am so glad I did. I went to the first place on the GPS and it was incredible! The cypress trees were so beautiful! There was an amazing dock and I got to see a snake, a dead turtle, a dead fish, tons of baby turtles, regular turtles and baby fish! I love, love, love to be outside in nature! This is one of my favorite things to do in life, go explore new places. I so wish I had had my camera! I did get a few cell phone shots though.



*Sigh… paradise*



*Adorable baby turtle!*

 



*Heebie-jeebies*

I absolutely cannot wait to bring my husband back here! Our weekend is so jam packed this week but I really want to find time to bring him. I would love to find a baby sitter and sneak off on a date but that NEVER happens!

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

So... after on and off for months, and the numerous problems cropping up over and over again at this place, mom finally got that familiar feeling.

It started at the 'fire/gas leak' we were evacuated for and has gotten worse since then. She said we overstayed our welcome and that every problem we've had from the staff in the days following, was a sign that they don't want us here anymore.

This has happened before. See...

Whoever is doing the work for the motel has apparently screwed up and is insisting that Dave hasn't paid the bill and that he owes money. Mind you, he worked out a deal to pay every afternoon between 5-6, cuz we can't guarantee that we'd have money before 11 AM to pay for the day. So, he goes to work with that guy he knows, gets $70-$80, and then uses it to pay for the room. That's how it's been going.

Every other week, mom accumulates enough points to pay for 1 night that way so he can take a break on a random Sunday. The points haven't been coming in, in the past 2 weeks when there should be enough by now, and it's because someone up there has been holding off on giving points cuz they claim Dave is behind on a payment(but waited weeks to tell him?). Mom has all confirmation emails though, and forced him to get a receipt every day he pays, which she has all records of.

Mom thinks, like every other time, that we've overstayed our welcome and the staff are trying to get rid of us by all these problems accumulating so quickly over the past couple weeks. This has happened at every other place we've managed to stay at since becoming homeless, so she isn't overreacting or anything. Eventually, they get tired of our presence and of not getting full-price on the rooms and start making up problems and rules we've broken.

Like the last place. The moment the state assistance vanished, we had to begin paying weekly for the single room for all 4 of us. Suddenly, one day, they couldn't let us stay anymore. Suddenly it wasn't allowed for people to stay more than a week at a time, and it had to be 30 days before they could come back and stay another week, but Dave's apparently kept in contact with someone who was staying there the same time and as us and… they weren't kicked out or told anything like that. They are still there and still making weekly payments. It's been 9 months since then.

Randomly this morning, the staff told Dave that every single room is booked all throughout the holiday weekend, so everyone has to be out before 11 AM on Friday. After telling him they'd keep this room and many others reserved(cuz there are several families staying here long-term cuz we're all homeless) for people. Guess what? The rest of them have been here as long as us and they weren't told they have to leave. And they don't have any reservations either soooo...

Bethy is with us again and she's been going stir crazy and she's now calling people she knows who work in hotels around Delaware, trying to get help.

Anyway, it's the weekend closest to the 4th of July and everything everywhere is not only booked but hella expensive af. Bethy never had to sleep in the van with us before, and mom's disabilities cannot physically handle the moving back and forth or sitting in the same place for more than a few hours at a time.

We don't even have money for food. We are subsisting on expired/rotten food gotten from the local food bank.

Yet Dave is over here thinking everything is perfectly okay and he just has to talk to the staff again... They told him they already have the room we're in reserved for a group this weekend and that we can't stay.

I fell asleep last night and the random thought struck me... I wonder how long we'll actually be able to stay here... and I wake up to this news.

Dave just doesn't get how finances work. Because he's so unhelpful and doesn't fucking listen when people speak, he's whining about how after getting paid, mom has nothing left for the month.

"But we don't have to spend $230 on the storage unit anymore!"

"That went into other bills, Dave!"

He thinks that cuz we don't have that one issue holding us down, we're going to be able to handle everything else easily and have money left over for whatever he wants.

Because mom has had to pay one bill and let another slide as a result every month. It's how she's hand to handle our financial problems this entire time.

Mom finally paid off the bank after Dave bounced her account several times last year. She's been paying $100+ a month for ages to get that handled. That should make things a little easier now.

The car insurance has increased by several dozen dollars so it's over $150 a month now.

Her phone and Bethy's phone have to be kept on because of her schooling and we need a functioning phone number or else we'll be in big trouble in many ways. $100+ just for 2 phones. Dave is in charge of his own damn phone.

She has to handle her Discover and Capital One cards since she's had to use them to save our asses a few times. She NEEDS to pay the off so he credit score doesn't tank, and many places won't give you a chance if your credit is low. She's got monthly payments for those around $100+ in total.

The P.O. Box price has increased(we have that handled for the next 3 months thankfully). Almost $50 now.

Dish Network has been on pause or 19 months cuz she can't cancel it before the full year she paid is used up or the fee is astronomical.

Then we have gas for a minivan, that Dave should be paying for, but isn't. A mostly full tank is around $80 every 4-5 days. Gas is average rn. So over $400 monthly in gas.

We need the part for the van which is $800+.

She has to pay for her medication cuz we have shit medical. She's already going without many of them but some health problems, like Asthma, can't be ignored so the inhalers are prioritized.

Amazon Prime and Norton are necessary since free shipping for all necessities, and she needs the protection since she does most business on her laptop.

Bethy needs school supplies regularly. Sometimes clothes and always hygiene stuff.

We need hygiene stuff.

But Dave just thinks that she should have all this extra money left over at the end of paying everything off. Many of these things come out instantly on the 1st of each month btw. She has to the work through what is left for the bills that aren't instantly paid off.

He thinks if he works with his friend for 3 weeks, he'll have enough money for an apartment, completely ignoring that He'd only have about $1800 for a full month of work with no breaks. The cheapest 2-bedroom in Delaware requires almost all of that, which is why we're waiting on housing which charges based on your monthly income. Even if he handled the monthly rent of $1400-$1600 for a 2-bedroom, mom still has all this stuff to worry about... and the Dish payments would start up again, and gas, water, electric, sewage, etc...

Dave doesn't listen. In public housing, those things are included. Outside it, they are separate expenses.

[Ko-Fi] [GoFundMe] [Venmo] CashApp: $Flame818 [Amazon Wishlist]

[boldlyvoid]

Million Dollar Man | Chapter Four

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, discussion of previous sexual relationships with older men (big age gaps), kink talks, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), fingering, 69ing... its really dirty i hope i got it all

word count: 3.8k

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and Saturdays

Chapter Four | Masterlist

Waking up beside Spencer is an absolute blessing, he is the most tender and loving man in the whole world and she’s never going to get enough of him. He snuggles so tight, he holds her just right and he’s just big enough that she fits against him like she’s always supposed to have been there.

Her alarm goes off at 10:30 and he doesn’t even budge, she struggles to get out of his grasp to turn it off before he just pulls her right back in.

“I could get used to this,” she coo’s as she relaxes back into his embrace.

He kisses the back of her neck and one of his hands cups her breast. He runs his nose along her skin as he takes it all in, “I can come back every night.”

“Okay,” she smiles at the thought. “Are you coming with me to Brookfield today?”

He hums, “I have something to pick up first but I’ll be back to pick you up.”

“Do you want to meet Craig?” She asks nervously, knowing he knows.

“I’m not sure,” he’s honest. “It’s weird thinking he’s slept with you and he has a thing for my mother.”

“As weird as it was, I don’t regret it, he was really lonely after Patsy died and hadn’t slept with anyone in years,” she explains it again to him, it’s easier than the first time.

“I’m not judging you,” he whispers before kissing her again.

“I know,” she rolls over while still in his grip, pressing her chest against his and kissing him quickly before remembering her own rule, “pretend it’s still dark out.”

He laughs, “was he at least good to you?”

“Are you really asking me if the old man I fucked was good in bed?” She rolls her eyes with a laugh, “it was fine, I was used to just laying there and taking it back then.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes for her past experiences knowing he can change them and that she's content with them, “can I make it up to you?”

“It's not my birthday,” she teases him once more.

“Then why are you in your birthday suit?” He kisses her neck as her back arches, giving him the access to do whatever he pleased.

This was her favourite part of sleeping with him, he was handsy and he kissed everywhere. He was so tentative, he was gentile and sensual and she loved him. The way he kissed her body, his hands on her back as she arched, grinding against him as his leg slipped between hers.

“Daddy?” She’s already breathless as she anticipates whatever he’s going to do to her.

He hums, “what baby?”

“Can we try something?” She looks at him with puppy dog eyes, wanting more of him and knowing exactly how to get it.

“What?” He looks from her eyes to her lips and back.

She smirks, “lay back?”

He does as she asks and she makes a quick move to straddle him, reverse cowgirl, and it makes him gasp. He hooks his arms under her legs and pulls her hips towards his face as she grips his cock at the base.

She’s never done this before, excited to finally experience her two favourite things at once, with her favourite person. Taking him in one go down her throat as far as she can, he moans against her thigh as he works his way towards her dripping core.

He pulls her in closer, burying his tongue inside of her as she swirls her tongue around the head of his cock, stroking what doesn’t fit in her mouth. She moans around him as he sucks her clit into his mouth. When he slides a finger into her, she gasps as she runs her tongue along the shaft, “more please, daddy?”

He adds a second finger and curls it with each thrust, she strokes him in time with his fingers rubbing her tongue on the slit, pushing him closer and closer and closer until he’s moaning into her cunt as he finger fucks her relentlessly.

She cums on his face with a quake, her whole body shaking as she sucks one of his balls into her mouth and keeps jerking him. He cums over her hand then, finally releasing her clit from his mouth, they both sigh as they come down from their highs.

She rolls off him, feet on her pillow and hand cupping her own breast as she tries to catch her breath, “yeah, I can get used to waking up next to you.”

—

“Bullshit!”

Y/N reaches for the apparent 3 4’s that Craig dropped in the pile, filling them to see he was indeed truthful and handing them to Diana. “You’re slacking today.”

“I do so much better when I don’t know who he is,” Diana smirks as she takes the cards.

“Speaking of,” she smiles to herself as she looks through her own cards, “your son, Spencer, is coming to see you today.”

“How do you know that?”

“I might be dating Spencer,” she scrunches her face in anticipation of her reaction.

“Really?”

She nods, a smile building on her face as she starts to feel a bit flustered, “yeah, I met him last year and we’ve been friends for a while but it’s getting serious, so I thought I’d tell you.”

She’s quiet as she thinks about it and Y/N’s anxiety goes to full blast, “I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” Diana asks.

“For not telling you and pretending I don’t know him,” she's quick with her response. “He knows we know each other from your notes but we didn’t talk about it until last night, I feel so bad keeping that from you but I've known him the whole time.”

“I was going to introduce you to each other in the hopes you would take care of him, you’re wonderful and he needs someone who he doesn’t have to look after. I’ve thought you would be good for him for quite a while actually,” Diana compliments her with a smile. “Try calling bullshit on that.”

It makes her laugh, leaning over into Diana’s space as she wrapped her arms around Y/N, “well as good as I am to him, he’s even better to me.”

Holding Diana was nice, she missed her moms so much that it was a good substitute until she saw her own again.

“How did you meet?”

Y/N pulls back with a stutter, “uh, well we met online actually and he took me to dinner and we got to talking and we’ve been really good friends for a while, he uh, he’s the reason I’m getting my book published.”

“Really?” She blinks a few times the way Spencer does when he tries to absorb information.

She wasn’t dumb, she knew her son had money and he was a lot older than her and that meeting on the internet isn’t as innocent as it sounds.

“He’s my best friend.”

She smiles again, “that’s the key to a successful relationship.”

Craig was quiet the whole time, staring at his cards and drinking his water while they talked. “For what it’s worth,” he adds, “I think he’s lucky to have you, you’re a good woman.”

Y/N’s so busy looking at Craig with a smile that she doesn’t notice Spencer walk-in or the way Diana gleams at him. He walks up behind her and rests his chin on her shoulder, “Hey, pretty woman.”

She jumps slightly before laughing, he wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek quickly, “hey mom,” he makes his way from Y/N to Diana.

Hugging her quickly before coming to sit beside Y/N again, he notices Craig too and waves, “nice to meet you as well, sir.”

She analyzes his face as he looks at Craig, worried that he’s going to go full alpha male and start a fight or something crazy like her old boyfriends would. But he smiles and he’s calm, he holds her hand and they play another few rounds of cards and it's like they’ve all been friends for years.

Visiting hours are about to come to an end when Spencer finally brings it up, “how would you feel if I moved to LA for a little while?”

She’s really confused, “are you getting a transfer at work?”

“No, Y/N has a job offer and I’d like to go with her,” he’s honest with his mom, it’s easier than with anyone else. “I’ll travel here whenever you need me, and once a week just to say hello.”

“Or I can finally go back to Vegas,” she says it like she’s been thinking about it for a while. “I miss my friends and my sister, Spencer.”

“And I’m thinking about moving there as well so my pneumonia isn’t as bad this winter,” Craig adds, sitting closer to Diana than before and taking her hand.

Spencer looks very uncomfortable and Y/N can feel it radiating off him, “my moms are also in Vegas, it would be nice for all of you to be close.”

“I think that would be nice,” Spencer agrees, “and then we can just take a short trip to Vegas once a week to visit with you.”

“That would be lovely,” Diana smiles, “even on my bad days I don’t forget who Craig is to me, I know he’s my best friend in here and I’m really glad you’re comfortable with this.”

Spencer smiles, it’s awkward for him to know everything that he knows, and by the way Craig looks at him, he knows Spencer knows.

“Please, just take care of her,” is all Spencer has to say to him. “I’ve already been to prison once.”

“Spencer,” Diana scolds him while trying not to laugh at the absurdity.

“I’m kidding,” he smiles, “I’m happy that you’re happy.”

“It’s only taken us 30 years,” she reaches out a hand for Spencers, “but we did it.”

It’s a beautiful moment that Y/N gets to witness, she holds a hand to her heart as Spencer wraps his arms around his mom. She was doing amazing, she was happy and even happier that Spencer was happy.

“We did it,” Spencer agrees, holding her close, always a mama’s boy at heart.

—

They stop at his apartment on the way home, he needed some things for the next 2 days and his suitcase for this weekend. His apartment was always so dark and cold, the green was beautiful but it was far too sad. It didn’t feel like Spencer, it didn’t have his energy or personality, it was just a few walls and a bunch of books.

She sits on his couch and touches her necklace, remembering when he gave it to her and how she thanked him. He was rummaging around in his room without her, leaving her with time to just think about sucking him off on this couch, being between his legs, the feeling of him in her mouth, knowing she already had him this morning but she still wants him again.

She gets up from her seat and walks into his bedroom, pushing him up against the wall, he’s a little startled but he smirks, “what?”

“Is there a word for ravenous for dick?” She teases.

“Horny,” he responds with a giggle, “ovulating? Frustrated, deprived, desperate... slut.”

“I like the last 2 together.”

“What else do you like?” He whispers as she leans in to brush their noses together, “we’ve never discussed your needs, you’ve always just asked about mine, but this isn’t all about me.”

“It was when you were paying me,” she rationalizes, “I’m pretty basic, I’ll try anything once.”

“But what do you like the most?”

“You,” she’s honest. “How big you are for one, the fact you can just throw me around like a rag doll if you wanted… I like your hands, and your mouth and I like how you talk, I like how sweet you are, I like how we could do the dirtiest fucking things in the whole world with each other. I like that we could do the roughest, kinkiest and most intense scenes and yet I’m completely safe with you.”

He swallows and his Adam's apple bobs right in her view, she can’t help herself from kissing his neck, licking along the pulse point before sucking a deep purple mark into his skin, “what do you like besides me?”

“Praise,” she whispers.

“Good girl.”

“Mild degradation,” she kisses his neck again and starts to unbutton his shirt. “Spanking, raw missionary and messy kisses,” every new thing comes with a kiss as her hands reach down to palm him through his slacks, “pleasing my partner, knowing you get off to me, watching, being watched, belonging to you.”

He takes her chin in his hands and makes her look up at him, “in what sense?”

“Mark me, claim me, breed me,” she whispers and his eyes darken, she swears there is a growl that leaves his throat.

“I want everyone to know I’m yours, show everyone who I belong to, let everyone know only you can please me and show them that no one is better for me than my daddy.”

“You’re evil saying all this knowing I'm not going to fuck you yet,” his voice has never been this low, his eyes are black and the grip he has on her is so tight it makes her gasp.

“You asked,” she smirks, “and if you expect me to be an obedient little submissive, you’re very wrong. "

He gulps and the mood changes very quickly.

"I’m a brat and I’m a switch, and I have more control here than you do.” She tightens her grip around his cock and he whimpers, “that’s what I thought.”

She undoes his button and takes him out, licking her palm while making eye contact with him, she then wraps her hand around him and pumps up and down his shaft. Gathering his precum that’s collected from simply listening to her, his hand on her chin had made its way into her hair and his other grips her hip tighter than ever before.

“I want to fuck all day long,” she whispers, leaning in more and brushing her bottom lip against his, “I want you to come and find me when you’re bored and just bend me over and take me, I want to just sit on your lap while to read and ride you, I want to fall asleep with you deep inside me and wake up full of your cum.”

He tosses his head back against the wall, groaning as she slows her movements. She drags her hand up, squeezing at the head as he thrusts back into her hand, all she can think about is how good it’s going to be when he’s pushing inside of her, not just in her fist.

“Does it feel good, daddy?” She teases him again, “are you thinking about my tight little pussy? Hmm?”

“Gonna cum,” he whispers.

“I don’t think that's how you ask.”

His hips sputter as he fucks her hand, “please, mommy?”

It’s so unexpectedly hot she clenches around nothing, aching for him with how horny she is, she drops to the floor, wrapping her mouth around the head, he cums within seconds. She pumps every last drop onto her tongue before standing and connecting their mouths once more, swapping his cum back into his own mouth, but he doesn’t swallow.

He simply picks her up and tosses her onto the bed, pulling her jeans and panties down and off one leg to expose her dripping pussy. He lifts her hips and spreads her open, running a finger over her clit before spitting his own cum into her.

It’s such a sight, she gasps at the feeling. It’s so hot and wet and then he’s pushing it in with two fingers and fucking them into her. Rubbing her clit at the same time, she cums by surprise, it’s so intense all she can do is grip her breasts and wrap her legs around him for support. She trembles, moaning and whining as he keeps going, curling his fingers just right to rub her g-spot and keep the sensation roaring as long as she lets him.

She lives in the feeling as long as possible before it starts to get to be too much, “okay,” she’s breathless and exhausted, lying there with her eyes closed when he pulls his fingers out of her, falling asleep from how relaxed her whole body is.

—

Spencer was in her bathroom brushing his teeth for the night while she slipped into her PJs.

She felt giddy, like a kid on Christmas Eve, thinking about how exciting tomorrow would be that the prospect of sleeping seemed almost impossible. She couldn’t wait to hold him and snuggle him and feel the way he kisses her shoulder when he rolls over. She loves him so much that sleeping beside him is almost more important to her than anything else they do together.

Because when he sleeps, his guard is down. When he sleeps beside someone, it’s because he’s truly and fully safe with them. He’s told her about all the people he’s slept with, how many of them didn’t stay the night and how many he’s walked out on. She knows he’s not a fan of sleepovers from his childhood and he’s never been in a long-term relationship to even consider sharing a bed with someone before her.

In the beginning, he didn’t want to sleep beside her because he knew he’d catch feelings, she understood and so they bought a pull-out couch for her apartment. He would sleep in her living room and she would lay awake in her bed thinking about how much better it would be if she could cuddle with him until she drifted off to sleep.

She crawls into her bed and watches the bathroom door as she rubs hand lotion into her skin, hoping he actually comes back to her like he promised and doesn’t retreat to the living room. She smiles at him when the door opens and his sight goes right to her wrists as she smoothes the lotion over her skin.

“I forgot to give you your present today,” he gasps and rushes to his suit jacket in the closet.

He comes back to bed with another box, “how much jewellery are you going to buy me?”

“Two more of the gifts are jewellery,” he smiles as he opens the box for her.

It’s a silver bracelet with diamonds and Rubys in a heart shape, like the necklace in pretty woman turned into a bracelet. It’s so pretty she doesn’t know how to react, “you’re crazy, you know that?”

He nods with a smile, “crazy for you.”

“Don’t,” she raises her brows with her pointer finger raised, shushing him. “You know what being all lovey-dovey does to me, and I'm tired.”

It makes him laugh, “I’m just going to leave this on the dresser.”

She takes it from him and stops him from getting up, “no, I’ll just leave it on here, just get into bed, please?” She moves it to her night table and pulls the sheets back so he can get into bed with her. She turns off the lamp on her night table and watches him lay back on his side of the bed.

She snuggles into his chest and places her face in the crook of his neck. Holding him as close as humanly possible, he smells like home and safety.

“I love you so much, Spencer,” she whispers it, feeling very needy and emotional and she has no idea why.

He simply kisses the top of her head while soothing his hand over her back, “I love you just as much, Y/N.”

It was rare for them to use each other's real names, so much of their time together was spent in silence but when it wasn’t, they referred to each other with a long list of different pet names. It made it less personal, it kept their real lives separate and created a world where they just existed with each other.

A world where he wasn’t Spencer Reid with 3 PH.D.s, a drug problem and a sick mother. When he was with her he was just a guy who liked to explore. He was her buddy who took her to museums and concerts, he was her daddy who held her hand when they walked to the park together to play chess, he was her sweetheart on nights when he cried and needed some love.

Tonight he’s just Spencer.

He’s everything he’s been before and nothing like his old self all at the same time. He’s constantly having a breakthrough, he’s broken through ceilings of grief and trauma, grown past the names he’s been called and adjusted to the fact this is how his life is and he's not as evil as he thinks he is.

He’s happy and content. He’s so much different now than how he was when she met him and while he likes to thank her for that, he always had the power to get here. It was a long road to recovery, he just happened upon her on the path and brought her along for the journey and now she’s never going to leave him.

“Are you crying?” He asks, bringing her back to reality to notice that yes, she is indeed crying.

She nods and sniffles, wiping her tears with his t-shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired.”

“Hey,” he pets her hair and waits for her to look up at him. “What do you say when I apologize for crying?”

“Don’t apologize, your feelings are important to feel so you can move past them,” she whispers the mantra her parents raised her on, something that really helped him.

“I'm not crying because I’m hurting,” she whispers. “I’m crying because you’re not anymore.”

“What?”

She realizes it comes out weird, “I’m proud of you, and I’m happy that I get to love you now.”

“How long have you loved me?” There’s a small sadness in his voice like he wishes he could have moved faster for her.

“Since you told me you’d help me get my book published just for going to museums with you,” she whispers, “because you saw me as talented and worthy of greatness and you wanted to help me succeed instead of wanting to pay me to suck your dick in a more legal way.”

“I was in it for a friend,” he’s said it before, “it was easier to pay someone to hang out with me than stumble across someone who would understand me this well.”

“I can’t imagine you just going to a park and striking up conversations with someone,” she laughs, “I think it was just meant to happen like this.”

He sighs, “I’d do it again.”

“What?” She’s too tired and sad to follow his train of thought.

“I’d go through all the pain and trauma again, exactly the same way if it brings me right back here. Right to you.”

She pulls back from his neck and connects her lips to his faster than ever before, kissing him deeply as she cries again.

“I love you,” she whispers against his lips between kisses, he whispers it right back.

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Sugar daddy fic

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some just wont tag no matter what I do, idk why tho

[johnemulaney]

John Mulaney: From Scratch in Las Vegas, September 4

Once again, spoilers for the show and what will presumably be in the special. This is about his relapse so tread with caution is that will be an issue for you. However, the tone of his struggle is the same one he used in his past specials so if you didn’t have any issues then, I think you’d be ok with this. Of course, use your own best judgement, friends.

The opener was Seaton Smith. 

He opened with trying to find the rich people in the crowd but acknowledged that they’d go mwrmwmwrw money isn’t everything so then he started talking about golf and went aha I got ya’ll. 

There was a joke about weed being the only Christian drug

He had a bit about when white people are nice, be nervous

He had a bit about there being a black man on the Bachelor and was like America (ABC and Disney+) were not ready for a black man to be fucking a house full of 50 white women. That shit premiered on Tuesday and the Capitol burned on Wednesday.

He also did some crowd work and roasted a couple in the front row for having different answers about kids and she was like I didn’t hear the question and was roasted about how not hearing questions you don’t want to answer is certainly a tactic, often used by drug dealers

He also had a bit about how different child rearing is in Texas versus New York and about how hitting your kids is treated differently, like his dad would have just threatened it whimsically. 

Now on to the Main Event!

The first thing he said was “hiiiiiiiiii” exactly in the tone you think he said it in. he followed that up with a little shrug looking adorable and a little bashful

“It’s him! Mr. Problems. Oh Las Vegas, Oh my god” he then talks about how Vegas is a land of vice and a Choice for him to preform in as a recovering addict. He had a sober buddy and 3 bodyguards with him at all times. 

“And here’s what happened” December 18, 2020, he gets invited to a friends apartment for dinner AND HE’S TWO HOURS LATE because he stopped, coked out of his mind, at SNL for a haircut because he still had his building access badge and he went to the hair department and they were like, he’ll leave faster if we just do this, and then he stopped at his drug dealers. 

He called venmo and cashapp, apps for drug deals and was like what do normal people even use them for. He maxed both out paying for drugs. 

He was the best looking person at his intervention. “Coke skinny, new cut” and the 12 people intervening looked like shit. He looked “tears for fears while they all looked jerry garcia” (I hope you know who those musicians are besties). 

He immediately yelled “Can I go to the bathroom” to you know, dump his drugs because when you walk into that, you know what it is. 

He was not allowed to go (he would be asked if he still needed to pee later and would say “what?”

There were 6 people in NYC and 6 people over zoom in LA because he guesses 6 people couldn’t be bothered to fly in for HIS INTERVENTION

Interventions can go two ways, it can be kind of accusatory and this is how you let us all down, or it can be supportive. Everyone but Nick Kroll got the memo to be supportive.

Nick Kroll went first.

Nick Kroll listed all the ways John was a bad best friend and brother over zoom and John was getting texts during the intervention saying Nick wasn’t supposed to do that and they were all sorry. 

Bill Hader went next. he originally wasn’t going to be able to make it so he had recorded a thing but since he was there, he did it live. (He would eventually send the video to John in rehab, which is not what you want on the way to rehab “awesome, more intervention”)

He tried to derail the intervention, “there’s not enough latinx representation” he said he’d go to any rehab except the one they had picked out for him. This was a star-studded affair and he was mad no one was being funny. 

 Natasha Lyons went next, telling him his life and career is in shambles

So he gets carted off to rehab after this intervention. Don’t let 12 comedians pack your bags for 2 months at rehab. it was bombas socks and iphone chargers. 

A little secret about rehab, you’re not allowed to bring drugs in. You remember how he was late? In his pocket on the way to rehab included: a huge amount of pills, 3g of coke (which was 2g by the time he got there, courtesy of a koala station in a gas station bathroom), and $2000 in cash. He had other plans for the weekend. He was admitted for xanax, coke, perocet, and adderall addiction. Say what you will, but he does not do anything half way.

It’s 4am when he’s sent to detox, he’s been awake for 3 days. 

He also gives a small lesson on how to get drugs. Find the lowest rated doctors on yelp and webmd reviews and go ask for them, they need all the business they can get. You become like Captain Phillips, I am the doctor now. 

Dr. Michael was his shady doctor. He was a first avenue apartment where he would write prescriptions from his kitchenette where his girl Minerva was always asleep. “I didn’t kill my wife Minerva.” But John would ask for his drugs, Dr. Michael would write the script and then ask what he needed it for. Dr. Michael would also make John take his shirt off, always offering a flu shot and going no, shirt all the way off (in case you were wondering how bad this addiction actually was)

The first moral is now you know. The second moral is get vaccinated.

He’s sent to the regular ward the next afternoon and they finally get him to sleep. 

He’s sketched out that doctors have last names at this establishment

He asks for drugs such as klonopin and is taken aback a bit when he doesn’t get them. The doctor is like PA state law says no, and so John suggests they go to a CVS in Jersey to get some. 

His bestie Pete Davidson starts calling that night. Except Pete changes his number every month and a half so John has him send a selfie and saves the new number under some other random name, at this point in time, Pete is saved as Al Pacino. (We get an Al Pacino impression) John is asleep and his nurse sees Al Pacino trying to call him 5 times and so she wakes him up. 

Pete Davidson and John Mulaney did not do drugs together. (The author is lowkey surprised and sad about that, like if Pete was my bestie, we’d make so many poor choices) But Pete was always very supportive of his sobriety. 

John needs recognition so badly, in group when they introduced themselves he said “I’m John M.” and no one cared. So he left a tabloid out with the news of his admittance and his face on it in the rec room on the table. The not being someone was “driving him bananas.” When they talked about what they do for a living and he said I’m a a stand up comedian, someone asked if he made a living that way. He said “yeah ask your daughter” (or your son)

One of the things you do at rehab is break up with your drug dealer.

One of his drug dealers only bought drugs to keep John from buying worse off the streets and only got into the game because John kept asking him for drugs and was his only buyer. That guy was originally a painter and John has no idea how they met. John is the only person to turn an innocent man into a drug dealer. 

Here he did the Baby J is back baby joke. the Park Theater is one of the biggest stages in the world so he did that joke in one pace across the stage and said the stage is that joke long. 

“I am no longer on drugs. It’s very good but also ah---” He’s in a 12 step anonymous group. 

“I need attention, clearly.” After a show you think he would be sated, but no. 

He wants that attention that the kid who’s grandparent died and showed up to school dressed for the funeral and got to sit in the beanbag chair for reading despite it not being his turn, gets. He went on about being willing to let one of the lesser important grandparents die so he could get attention, for quite a while. 

He feels left behind in science, like his C’s and D’s in those classes. All those classes were was putting things on a windowsill for the janitor to throw away. He had a bit about how the fuck people put dinosaurs back together, it’s like getting wayfair furniture without the instructions. 

He also things the moon belongs to America. Like we got there first and when other countries say stuff about the moon he’s like mmmmmmm.

He also had a joke about paying to get into college and like, for white people that’s always how it’s been. 

The show ended with him going over the highlights of that GQ interview that he was so coked out for that he forgot he did it entirely. He has no memory of it at all. He was just called up that day and asked for an interview and you know how coke is the best drug to receive attention on? He just did whatever he wanted with that attention. 

And that was the show.

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

all three heartbeats

bakugou katsuki / f.reader

genre: married au (husband/wife), angst, hurt/comfort?, fluff, katsuki being a sap in lowercase

synposis: katsuki works full time as a prohero, but his time working to ensure the publics safety kept him busy- far too busy at times.  he seeks comfort in you and his newborn little girl because the both of you keep him grounded and keep him fighting. he just wishes he could find a way to feel like a better father and husband. 

w.count: 3.6k

a/n: hi hello i aint never written for bnha before and i thought i would never write anime fics again but here we are years after (it has been actual years, someone save me LOL). what better way than to start back out with blasty amiright? 

It was one of those nights.  Katsuki had just walked into his home at an ungodly hour and as he shut the door behind him, he leaned his back against it, He flicked all three locks of the front door shut and dropped his duffle bag at his feet before he tipped his head back to rest on the wood.  He closed his eyes, sighing as he had the urge to just sink to the floor of the entryway landing and power nap. 

Lord knows when his phone would buzz or ring again- his seemingly never ending work calling him to clock in again. It seemed like recently he never clocked out of his job- always working, patrolling, fighting petty villains trying to commit petty crimes and occasionally stopping more dangerous situations that kept him on edge and busy for hours to days on end.  

The duffle he dropped at his feet was full with his gear and his hero suit that was in desperate need of washing and minor repairs- things that if he even muttered to himself about, you would happily offer your aid. 

His closed eyes opened and his chin dropped back down, the back of his head coming off the door as he pushed the rest of his body off it as well.  He heeled off his shoes and ruffled his hair as he finally walked into his home, leaving his duffle at the door as he made his way to the bathroom.  

In all honesty, Katsuki wanted to go immediately to the room he shared with you where he knew you were asleep. He desperately needed a shower though, and he wasn’t planning on crawling into bed to hold you smelling like sweat, smoke and hero work.  

You told him before you didn’t mind his post-work scent, in fact you told him it was charming in it’s own way since it was proof that Pro Hero: Dynamight worked harder than anyone else to one day be the No.1 Hero he’d been dreaming of his entire life. 

Katsuki never told you, but he’d think about that almost everyday and it always made him smile when he did. 

The shower he took was brisk and quick because all he wanted to do was go to bed.  He couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t just taking power naps on the couch at the agency. He couldn’t remember the last time he got to go to sleep in his own bed. Katsuki couldn’t remember the last time he got to hold you and it was starting to really piss him off.  

Since graduating UA, getting engaged, married and then having a child with you, is tempter had considerably settled.  He wasn’t entirely tame by any means, he was still a quick fire with insults, refused to use people’s names and stuck to stupid nicknames he thought of, cursed like a sailor and exploded when something mildly frustrating ticked him off- but he wasn’t like he was before.  

When Katsuki can stand to be in the same room as Todoroki and Midoriya and not blow a giant fuse within the first sentence exchange, anyone would call that progress.  

It was no shock that you were a large factor in his settled image- he had to start leaning self control and how to manager his attitude.  The one extremely rocky point in your relationship with Katsuki back when you both were third years and you threatened to leave him if he didn’t shape up made him change.  It wasn’t easy, but the arguments and fights you both had back then serve as a reminder of how far he had come according to you. 

When Katsuki stepped out of the bathroom, he sighed- feeling refreshed- as he walked to the bedroom with a towel around his waist and another over his head drying his hair.  It was way too late to be running the hairdryer, he’d risk waking up his child that he knew was otherwise dead to the world in their crib.

Twisting the doorknob as quietly as he could, Katsuki stepped into the bedroom and his eyes immediately looked to the bed, seeing your body’s shape beneath the comforter of the giant, Alaskan king bed you insisted you absolutely needed.  

He felt his lips twitch as he left the door cracked to let in a small amount of light from the hall without stirring you.  He went to his dresser and snatched a pair of shorts and a tank top and threw them on before he left the room as quietly as he had come in. 

Katsuki went back to the front door and picked up his duffle bag, moving it into the living room and setting it on the couch to fiddle with it in the morning. He grabbed his phone from the side pouch of the duffle and began to shut the lights off and retreated back down the hall.  

Before he went back to the room you slept in to join you, he stopped first in the room that was directly across the hall from his and yours and as quiet as a mouse crept in.  

The nursey was painted in a pale yellow with sunflowers painted on the walls (curtesy of the bakusquad who insisted they were in charge of nursery decorations). Against the wall was a shelved cubby for toys and items for the baby and beside that was a changing table.  Across the room was a tall dresser filled with way too many baby onesies and outfits for the future. 

Katsuki walked to the white, wooden crib at the back of the room as the room itself was glowing in the soft, blue light of the baby’s nightlight.  He leaned over the crib side and looked down to see his child sleeping just as quiet as can be.  

He smiled as he reached down and stroked her chubby cheeks with the back of his knuckles.  She was warm and soft. 

“Hey there, Girlie,” he whispered, barely audible. Just watching his little girl sleep so soundly made his chest warm. God, he loved her so much.  He frowned as he thought about how tough it might be on you while he’s away looking after her by yourself.  She was barely a few months old and he hasn’t even had a weekend with you two yet.  

Katsuki bit his lip to keep from letting the disappointment he felt in himself slip out in the form of growls. 

He stuck around in the nursey for a few more minutes, just petting and admiring his child before he snuck back out and finally, finally went back to his room and as carefully as possible slid into bed.  

You slept in the center of the bed that could easily fit four sleeping bodies, and Katsuki shuffled in further towards you before he was right behind you.  He stared at your back in the dark room, his eyes adjusting more and more as the minutes pass.  

Katsuki lightly grabbed your shoulder before he was pulling you to your back and then reaching over you to lay on your chest.  On an ordinary day, Katsuki would be happy just holding you, but he felt especially worn out and drained. So, for once, even if you were sleeping, he just wanted to be held instead. 

His cheek pushed into your chest, listening to your steady heartbeat beneath his ear. His right arm stretched over your shoulder to rest by your head and his left stayed beside his own body, his right leg hiked over your waist to be as close to you as he could get. 

He felt his eyes roll before he shut them, finally feeling comfortable and warm and safe for the first time in days.  He was finally breathing easy and all he wanted to do was stay here, in your arms, for the rest of his life. 

As he started to finally doze off, his eyes fluttered open at the feeling of something carding through his hair. 

He heard you take a deep breath before you were shifting just a bit to curl around him more and he felt your chin push against the top of his head. 

“Go back to sleep,” he muttered, feeling your sleepy gaze on the top of his head.  The small, sleepy chuckle that left your chest hummed against his cheek. 

“Welcome home,” you whispered, sleep laced heavily in your voice as he felt your lips push against his scalp.  “How was work?” You ask so innocently, but the question only made Katsuki burrow his face into your chest further. He doesn’t answer you, so you prompt him further. “Katsuki?” 

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” he muttered, lifting his face just enough to speak clearly then pushing it back down again.  

You say nothing at that and instead return to just carding your fingers through his semi-damp hair as you bask in each other and the silence of the house.  You glance over to the alarm clock, seeing the time 4:03 am in orange, glowing numbers. 

You feel like you have loads you want to talk about with Katsuki, things you want to share with him that had happened and things you want to have him tell you that’s happened, but it’s too quiet and too peaceful to bring them up.  They’d have to wait. 

“’m sorry,” he suddenly spoke from where he lay on your chest.  Your fingers stop their mindless fiddling in his hair and he grips onto you tighter. 

“What for?” 

“Not being here.” 

You felt your heart crack at the tone of his voice.  He’s always been more open and mushy around you- as much as he denies it and he only get’s more open and more mushy when he was sleep deprived and just plain exhausted.  

“I’m always working, always gone, always away doing fuck-knows-what out there and not here.  I’m not home and that’s gotta really fucking suck.”  He’s silent for a moment but you dare not speak. You feel like he’s been holding a lot in recently and if he’s choosing now to let it all out, you would silently encourage him to do that.  

“I mean-” he scoffs at himself, “we’re married for fucks sake.  We have a baby and I’m basically leaving you home alone day after day to raise her by yourself.” 

“What?” Your shocked to think that’s how he feels.  “Katsuki, that’s not-”

“It feels true,” he whimpers. “I feel like if I keep doing this, keep leaving you and Misuzu alone,” his voice cracks at the sound of his daughter’s name leaving his lips, “then you’ll both just disappear and I won’t even have the balls to go after you two.” You think you feel something wet seep through your sleep shirt, but you don’t say a thing about it.  “I don’t feel like a husband and I don’t feel like a father. How can I feel like a hero if I can’t even spare the time to be with my god damn family?” 

“Well,” you start.  In truth, all you want to do is console him, but for all you know that could make him feel worse. You had to figure out what he wanted first. “What do you want to do then?” 

He took a deep breath before he let it out again. 

“I think I’m going to take some time off,” he concluded.  It had been on his mind recently and now was as good a time as any.  He just wanted to be home. “Maybe a week or two.” 

“If that’s what you really want to do, then I think that’s a great idea. Just don’t forget to tell Eijirou or else he’ll blow a fuse if he just think’s your late because the great Dynamight is always punctual.” 

You got a hearty puff of air and smile out of him for that little line.  it was no shock that when all came down to it, Kirishima Eijirou and Bakugou Katsuki ended up working in the same agency. 

“I’ll just text the bastard.” 

“You need to tell the agency too, you dolt,” you lightly whacked him on the bed as he groaned.  Getting time off wasn’t going to be hard for him considering the god awful hours he’s been forced into the past however long.  Just going into the office to get that time off is annoying and a process he wish he could get someone else do to for him. “Just head out in the morning and let both your partner and your agency know. It won’t be so bad.” 

“Whatever,” he huffed.  “Just, go back to sleep.” 

You glanced back at the clock to see that only about half and hour had passed.  You sighed as you closed your eyes happily ready to return to sleep before Misuzu woke up. 

You swore Katsuki was out before you. 

-x-x-x-

You woke up three hours later, just after 7 am to the sounds of your daughter’s crying from her nursey. When you opened your eyes and sat up, your husband was no where to be seen.  

You frowned, knowing that he was awake somewhere and he had only slept a few hours. Shaking your head, you got up and went to Misuzu’s room to get her from her crib and bring her into your arms.  

You shushed the infant in your arms as you left the nursey and walked around the house.  Katsuki was no where to be found and his everyday shoes were gone from the shoe rack next to the door.  He must’ve went out already. 

Not thinking much of it, you moved to the kitchen to grab one of Mizusu’s bottles from the fridge.  One plus of pumping was getting bottles for the future- but that was one of the only pros among a number of cons.  

With Misuzu being still so young, she didn’t do much beside nursing, napping and diaper calls.  She would coo and whine and clutch onto your fingers and clothes and hair, but her energy was never prolonged.  

After nursing, burping and playing with her she was yawning again. You left to place her back in her crib in her room as you let he sleep a little while longer. Flipping on the baby monitor, you left the room and went to the kitchen.  Your daughter had breakfast, it was only fair that you got something to eat too. 

As you scrambled the last eggs in your fridge, enough for Katsuki just in case you saw him this morning, you heard the front door open and shut again.  You smiled as you heard footsteps come treading into the kitchen and you looked over your shoulder to see your husband.  

You smiled at him as he rubbed the back of his head. Dressed in jeans that tore just slightly in the thighs and a t-shirt, Wwhen he saw you, he immediately started going towards you. 

“Good morning,” you told him as he was at your side looking over your shoulder. “Welcome home.” 

“Mmn,” he hummed at you. 

“Where’d you go so early in the morning?” 

“Agency.” 

“You should’ve slept in a little bit more.  You didn’t sleep long.”  

“I didn’t want to wait any more to just be able to stay home.” 

You smiled at his answer.  You brought one hand up to pat his cheek as he leaned into your touch.  

“Why don’t you go get comfortable if you’re staying home then?” 

He hummed at you again, nodding before he kissed your shoulder and sauntered back into your shared room. He took his time getting changed and getting into more homey clothes, because when he came back into the kitchen you were placing your food on plates for the both of you. 

This time, when he came to you, instead of standing beside you, he latched onto you from behind as he buried his face into your neck.  You could tell from the feeling of his eyelashes tickling your skin that he was still tired. You had half a mind to tell him to just go back to bed and he could really wake up and eat later. 

The way he tightened his grip on your waist and started to sway ever so gently back and forth in the kitchen made you stay silent though.  It was a serene moment between you two and you just closed your eyes and basked in it.  It had been so long since you just got to bask in him and him in you. 

“You hungry?” You asked as softly as you could muster. He nodded but made no effort to try and move away from you.  “Do you expect to eat with your face hidden?” You teased. 

“Just a little longer,” he muffled, his breath making your skin rise with gooseflesh as it tickled.  

Half and hour later, you were taking his plate from him as he cleaned it of food and went to put them in the sink.  He jumped from his chair at the table before he was gently moving you away from the metal hole in the counter where you were about to wash the dishes you had dirtied this morning. 

“I’ll wash them,” he insisted. 

“I don’t mind doing it.” 

“Don’t be so damned stubborn.  You cooked, so it’s fair.” 

You shrugged as you relented. “If you really insist. Thank you, Katsuki.” You placed a small, short kiss on his cheek before you moved back to the table to sit.  

As he cleaned up the dishes, you sat at the table and fiddled with your phone, scrolling through apps to see what you missed and then flicking occasionally to watch Katsuki’s back.  

“I feel you fuckin’ staring,” he spoke as he shut the water off, shaking his hands before he dried them on a towel.  The dishes all sat in a plastic draining rack as he turned around and leaned against the counter.  You placed your chin in your palm as you laughed at him. 

“Yeah? Got a problem with it?” 

“Not necessarily.” 

You both jumped when a small whine was heard over the speaker of the baby monitor you had sitting on the center of the table.  You pushed your chair out, but before you could even stand up, Katsuki was up and down the hall to check on Misuzu. 

When you made it to her door, he had already lifted her out of her crib.  She had reached up and snagged a tiny handful of her father’s hair as he hissed. 

“Listen you little brat, just because your my baby doesn’t mean you can yank on my hair.” Her small fist only yanked down on his hair more as if to say ‘I can and will’.  You chuckled as you walked into the nursey and started to detangle her hand from his blond hair.  

Katsuki watched as her fingers released his hair and instead wrapped around your finger as you bounced it slightly. Her tiny arm moved in tandem with your finger bounces. 

“Hey,” your soft voice calling him suddenly brought him out of his own mind. You gently pulled Misuzu’s fingers off you as you pushed your palm against Katsuki’s cheek. “Why are you crying?” 

Was he? God, he hated crying- especially in front of you.  He clicked his tongue, whipping his head to face away from you as he used one of his hands to quickly swipe under his eyes. 

“I’m not.” 

You smiled at him, holding back a laugh as you pushed your husband into the living room to let Misuzu play on the floor.  Katsuki sat on the living room floor cross legged as you watched him play with her as she lay on her back.  

Occasionally he would glance at the time and remind you to pump, as if your tender chest wasn’t a constant reminder anyway.  You always just nodded and told him you would when you needed to. 

The three of you spent the morning in the living room until the infant began to yawn back to back and rub at her eyes clumsily.  You let Katsuki put her down for her nap in the afternoon since he never really had the opportunity to.  Through the baby monitor you could hear him mutter and coo at her to go to sleep. 

When she was down, Katsuki came back into the living room and sat himself beside you on the couch.  He sighed, throwing his head back against the couch and closing his eyes, obviously ready for a nap himself.  

“Why not try and sleep while she’s down?” You had planned on getting him to rest while you start to go through the duffle bag you had relocated to the corner of the room a while ago to see what all he needed done with his hero equipment.  

He opened one of his eyes, seeing you eyeing towards his bag and he frowned.  He shifted his body, snatched your waist and threw himself back to lay on the cushions, you following in tow to lay on top of him. 

“Katsuki!” You scolded in a hushed tone as to not wake up your daughter who just went to sleep.  

“I’ll nap here and you will too. No objections.” He brought one of his hands up to start stroking your head. “Just let me take care of my god damn wife for once.” You just shook your head and pushed your cheek further against his chest to get comfortable.  When he says it like that, you can’t really bring yourself to oppose him.  

“Hey,” you whispered. You felt him hum in response to you. “I love you.” 

His legs shifted and his arms wrapped around you tighter, getting more comfortable. He let out a deep, comfortable breath as you felt him push his cheek into the top of your head. 

“‘Fuckin’ love you too.” 

[trivialbob]

Last night I drifted off while watching Inventing Anna. (I heard the ending isn’t great, but I’m invested now and will finish the series. Also, I’m a fan of Anna Chlumsky from her time in Veep, a great series I watched twice).

Sheila had made a substantial meal for dinner. I ate too much, which is what caused me to tire early. I was in bed, sleeping, before 9:00 PM.

The point of all this is I got up for the day at 4:00 AM. I’m definitely a morning person, because I don’t mind being up this early. I have the option of taking a nap during my lunch hour. The day will be just fine.

When I wake three hours before sunrise I tip toe around the house. The quiet and darkness is soothing. Oliver sometimes comes downstairs too. That dog keeps track of me. Currently he’s on the couch, within arm’s reach, sleeping. He lifts his head if I get up. Ella uses my exit as opportunity to move from the foot of the bed to where I had been sleeping. The puppy Stella is here for the weekend. She is snuggled up with Ella.

The dishwasher is full of clean dishes. I like to have it run overnight. Now I want to empty it, but don’t want to wake anyone/anything. Putting away dishes isn’t even something I enjoy, but knowing the machine is full and I can’t add a dirty dish bugs me.

The only light in the house is from a bulb over the kitchen sink and my laptop screen. I like it that way. However, I wish the coffee table had tiny lights around its edge, similar to the blue lights on airport taxiways, so I could walk through the living room and not trip. I wouldn’t mind if my coffee mug had lights too, or maybe glowed in the dark.

[3rensgf]

rent a gf - two eren yeager x reader

word count: 2.9k

warnings: mentions of sex, talks about "getting bitches", eren is an idiot, fuckboy!eren implied, tatbilb mention, uhh fluff idk theres not much to warn abt in here, not beta read

notes: chapter two is out! i'm really glad a lot of people are enjoying rent a gf. it really means a lot! i see some people commented on the previous chapter, and i would love to reply to them, but i'm not familiar with tumblrs commenting system D: if you wanna leave a comment for me to just read, that's fine you can still keep commenting here on tumblr. but if you would like me to reply to it, you can comment on ao3, and i will reply! happy reading :) p.s, waffles w whipped cream r so much better

[ read on ao3 ]

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In the early hours of Saturday morning, you felt a hand shaking your shoulder to wake you. Groaning and mumbling, you sleepily swatted the hand away and pulled the covers over your head. No one should be forced to wake up early on the weekends. It was Saturday, for fucks sake. Not to mention your hangover due to last nights mistakes was making your head throb.

The hand rested on your shoulder once more, shaking you gently. “(Y/N),” Mikasa said softly. “Your alarm has been going off for the past 10 minutes. Wake up. I have water and Advil.”

“Nooooo,” you moaned, snuggling deeper into your bed. “Don’ wanna.”

Mikasa stopped bothering you for a moment, and you let your guard down. Finally you could sleep. When it was time to wake up, you’d wake up.

Right as you were about to pass out again, your blanket was roughly tugged off of you. “Mikasaaa!” you whined, covering your face with your hands. “What was that for? I was trying to sleep.”

“Get up. You have to shower and get ready for lunch with Eren today. Breakfast is almost finished,” she explained, setting down the pills and water on your bedside table. “Go brush your teeth and wash your face so you can eat. Now,” she instructed sternly, moving to your window to open the curtains. The bright sunlight hit your still half-asleep face, making you hiss quietly.

She left the room moments after, probably to check up on breakfast. Honestly, you didn’t know how she could function this early in the morning despite having partied all night last night. Curse her and her inability to get hungover.

Grumbling to yourself, you adjusted your sleep clothes that had gotten disheveled overnight to make sure you looked decent. Your sleepy gaze wandered over to your nightstand to see two Advils on a napkin beside a glass of cold water. Thanking every higher power for sending Mikasa to you, you downed both pills and the glass of water. Even though you might bitch and moan to her constantly, you really weren’t lying when you said you’d die without Mikasa.

After sitting down at the edge of your bed for a few moments, you eventually shuffled into the bathroom to brush your teeth and do your morning routine. It took longer than usual thanks to your sluggish and tired movements, but you got done nevertheless.

A wonderful aroma came from the kitchen when you left, stomach grumbling in anticipation for the wonderful food you were about to scarf down. Mikasa was in the process of setting down both your breakfasts on the island, sitting down on the stools when you walked in. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” she greeted, resting her chin on her hands.

“Morning, sweet angel,” you replied, sitting at the stool beside her. In front of you was a plate of Funfetti pancakes with whipped cream instead of maple syrup (syrup was for pancakes only). There were a couple of cut up fruits beside them, too. “Where did you get these?” you asked, picking up your fork to take a bite of your breakfast.

Mikasa dug into her own breakfast of oatmeal as soon as you started eating. “Went grocery shopping and saw the mix in the baking aisle. I thought you’d like it,” she explained, taking a bite of her food. “Good?”

Your response was a moan, tilting your head back as you chewed. “Insanely,” you said, cutting up another bite. You stabbed the piece with your fork and guided it to Mikasa, keeping your hand under it to catch anything if it dropped.

She finished her bite and leaned in to take the bite, humming in satisfaction at the taste. “Good,” she nodded.

“They put like crack ‘n this shit,” you said through a full mouth, shoveling forkful after forkful into your mouth.

You could feel Mikasa's judging gaze for eating like a pig, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was eating these crack laced waffles as greedily as possible. “What time are you supposed to meet Eren today?” she asked to make conversation.

You remember drunkenly slurring to her that Eren was supposed to take you out for lunch today while she was trying to put you to bed. All she did was nod and dodge your flailing limbs while she tried to change you into your night clothes.

“Uhhh,” you trailed off, “I dunno actually. I think he’s gonna text me when.” The familiar notification from your phone indicated you had a text from Eren. “Right now.”

ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:04 AM picking u up at 12 dont be late

you - 9:04 AM k

ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:05 AM dont use k with me that makes me sad :(

you - 9:05 AM k

“He says 12,” you told Mikasa, setting your phone back down on the table. You went to go take another bite of your waffles, only to be met with stray bits of whipped cream and waffle crumbs. How disappointing.

“You have time to get ready then,” she said, finishing up the last bit of her own breakfast. Holding her plate, she got up to go put it in the sink, taking your plate for you as well. Literally an angel.

Suddenly, she leaned in to sniff you like the weird English professor you had your freshman year and cringed. “You’re gonna need all the time you can get. You stink.”

Never mind, not an angel.

Grumbling and cursing under your breath, you got off the stool to go take a shower. “And here I was about to offer to get you something for lunch while I was out.”

“A burger from the joint I like would be nice. So would a Coke and side of onion rings.”

“Size?”

“Medium for both.”

You would’ve caved in and bought her something, anyways. Might as well know what she wanted in the first place.

Showering took longer than expected. Most of your time got wasted by you standing under the shower stream and soaking in all the warmth. It wasn’t until Mikasa knocked on the door asking you not to use up all the hot water that made you actually start going through your routine.

The clock read 10:09 when you got out. You still had more time to kill until Eren came, so you elected to sit on your bed in your towel to scroll through social media. At 10:45, you started to get ready for real now.

Your makeup was just enough to cover any imperfections on your face, and your outfit cute enough for a lunch outing with your friend-fuckbuddy.

At 11:50, you stepped out into the living room with your belongings in hand to lounge around while you waited for Eren. You would’ve gone to bug Mikasa, but she had just stepped into the shower minutes prior.

12 on the dot, a rhythmic knocking was rapped on your door, meaning Eren was finally here. Skipping over to the door, you opened it to reveal him while slipping on your shoes.

“Hey,” he grinned when the door opened. He leaned in to give you a kiss on the lips after you’d straightened up from putting on your shoes.

A grin found its way on your lips during the kiss. It only lasted a couple of seconds, ending with you pulling away with a quiet smack. “Hi,” you greeted back.

“Ready to go?” he asked, one hand leaving his jacket pocket to jut his thumb down the hallway towards the elevators.

“Yup, ready,” you said. Over your shoulder, you yelled into the apartment to say goodbye to Mikasa and locking the door once you closed. “Okay, ready for real now.”

There was a new hot pot restaurant near campus, Eren told you, that he so desperately wanted to try. He overheard some people talking about the place in his Stats class, and he’s been wanting to go ever since.

“So, about what I told you last night,” he said, leaning on the table close to you after giving your orders to the waitress. “You said you would help me get Mina.”

“I said it was a bad idea,” you countered, taking a sip of your drink.

“But you said you would help me. For a price.”

“That I… did say,” you sighed. “What’s your plan?”

Smiling, he opened up his jacket and dug into the inner pockets, getting out a small notepad and a pen. Your eyebrows raised at the sight of them. “Okay,” he started, flipping through his notepad. “So I was thinking about it this morning, and this is what I have down so far.”

Sliding it towards you, he waited impatiently for you to read what he had.

Your lips pursed to prevent giggled from leaving your lips. Well, it was a plan, alright. Written in Eren’s chicken scratch of handwriting were a few very simple steps.

eren yaegers fool proof plan to get bitches get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. talk to mina to get her interested in you ✓ 2. get hot girl ((Y/N)) to pretend to be your gf and show you can be a good bf 3. get mina jealous so she wants you even more and not poopy thomas wanker 4. “break up” with (Y/N) and pretend to be sad 5. get mina to comfort you 6. get bitches make mina your gf 7. pay (Y/N) for her services 8. ta-da!

When you looked up from the notepad, you saw Eren waiting for your answer. “Well? What do you think? Is it any good?” he asked.

“Were you high when you wrote this?” was the first thing you asked him. Eren shook his head innocently. “You’re 100% serious?” He nodded.

You bit your lip, deep in thought about Eren’s supposedly fool proof plan. “What makes you think it’s gonna work?”

“I know girls and how they act. If Paradis University let me major in women -- don’t get smart with me I don’t mean Women Studies -- I would be passing all my classes with flying colors. I know it’ll work, trust me,” he said cockily, leaning back in his chair.

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do. I know you. I know everything about you, (Y/N). I even know how to make you scream my name in--”

“Okay!” you cut him off, not wanting the strangers around you to know the intimate details of your sex life with Eren. “Okay.”

“I knew you were gonna do that. See, I do know women.”

A moment or two passed, both of you staring at each other. You with a deadpan expression, and him with a proud one. You were the first one to break the silence with a heavy sigh. “Okay, say I agree to this. What do I get in return?”

“Anything you want,” he said. “Within reason, of course. Please don’t ask me to like, hide a body or something.”

Ignoring his last comment, you continued speaking, “You’re not allowed to back out of whatever I ask you to, right? If this plan fails or succeeds, you still owe me whatever you promised.”

Eren nodded. “Of course. I swear on it.” He shifted a little so his elbow was on the table, holding out a pinky. Instinctively, you held out your pinky as well and intertwined the both of them. Pinky promises were something you and Eren had been doing for years now. It meant that the other was dead serious on their promise.

The waitress came back with your broth and dipping ingredients, setting them on the table for you right when your pinkes left each other. Thanking the waitress, the two of you talked some more while you waited for the broth to heat up.

“We should make it official. With a contract and set of rules,” he said. “Like that one movie you forced me to watch with you. The Boys I Loved or some shit like that.”

“To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before,” you corrected.

“Yeah, that. They’re kinda doing something like us, yeah?”

“Guess so,” you shrugged, picking up your chopsticks and a sice of pork belly when the broth started to boil. “After we eat though.”

Idle chatter was shared between the two of you as you ate. Even though you saw each other nearly every day, you never ran out of things to talk to. You could be talking about complete nonsense or how quantum physics made no sense, and you would still have the best time of your life.

By now, the broth had been drunk up and the table had been cleared out to be replaced with banana milk and ice cream. Eren brought out his notepad again to write down the set of rules for your fake relationship while enjoying your desserts.

Good progress had been written so far on the notepad. Both of you had given input and criticism on each rule made. In the end, you finally had a good set of rules written down.

(Y/N) and erens contract and rules for eren yaegers fool proof plan to get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. act normally. eren and (Y/N) act like a couple already. just double the pda a little more 2. don’t tell anyone about the deal. the more people who believe in the relationship, the more likely it is for the plan to work 3. post each other on ig a lot. maybe add names and a date to bios to make it more believable 4. date night every saturday (go out or just hang out) 5. go to parties together 6. walk each other to class if you can 7. call each other cute pet names 8. after breaking up, the couple act has to stop including the sex 9. DON’T SLIP UP

payment for (Y/N):

Eren tapped a beat on the notepad, reading “payment” over and over again. Eventually he looked up at you, deep in thought. “Have you thought of anything so far?” he asked, clicking the pen to write what you wanted.

This was a tough decision. Eren was ready to give you anything to help him get Mina. You had to be wise and pick something big to take advantage of him. Something you were sure you wouldn’t ever regret getting.

“How about,” you started, trailing off, “you do my laundry for the rest of our time at ParadisU, buy me lunch every Wednesday even after we break up, recommend that godsend of a tutor you keep gatekeeping to help me too, and…”

“And?” Eren asked, looking up from his writing, waiting for your next words.

“All the orgasms I want during our relationship,” you finished, satisfied with what you chose.

“Is that all?” he asked, writing down the last of your words. “That’s a lot.”

“How about I let you know if I wanna add more,” you said. Eren nodded in response. His head hung to look at the notepad again, writing something down. Once he was done, he plaed the pen on the pad and slid it to you.

“Sign it so it’s official,” he instructed.

There were two lines beside each other, one already with Eren’s signature. Without hesitation, you signed your name neatly on the paper, giving the items back to Eren once you were done.

(Y/N) and erens contract and rules for eren yaegers fool proof plan to get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. act normally. eren and (Y/N) act like a couple already. just double the pda a little more 2. don’t tell anyone about the deal. the more people who believe in the relationship, the more likely it is for the plan to work 3. post each other on ig a lot. maybe add names and a date to bios to make it more believable 4. date night every saturday (go out or just hang out) 5. go to parties together 6. walk each other to class if you can 7. call each other cute pet names 8. after breaking up, the couple act has to stop including the sex 9. DON’T SLIP UP

payment for (Y/N): eren has to do the (Y/N)’s laundry for the rest of university, buy her lunch ever wednesday, get tutor to help her and give her as many orgasms as she wants during the course of the relationship

signed x eren yaeger x (y/n) (l/n)

The two of you shook hands when Eren put away his things, to seal the deal again. The waitress came by again to give you the bill and collect your dirty dishes. Eren set down the cash needed to pay along with a tip in the check presenter before the two of you left.

You walked hand in hand back to Erens car before you realized you missed something. “Wait. What do we tell people when they ask how we got together?” you asked, pausing in your tracks.

Eren stopped with you, turning to look at you. “Um, you can say I confessed after lunch, and that this is technically our first date,” he suggested, tugging your hand to walk back to the car.

“Huh. Okay. That works,” you nodded.

The two of you got into the car a little bit past 2:30 in the afternoon, ready to go home. “Wait,” you said again, making Eren pause. “Mikasa wanted a burger from that one joint near our apartment. Could you take me there first?”

Eren smiled and nodded, starting the car. “Of course. Burger with medium Coke and onion rings?”

“How did you know?”

“She always gets that when we go there.”

“Huh… I guess you’re right.”

“When am I not?”

"Always."

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