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fbfh · 4 years ago

Text

“forever” paxton hall-yoshida x reader

genre: fluffy romance + mutual pining (not too slowburn tho lol)

word count: 3.4k

au: none?? jock x theatre nerd ig

pairing: Paxton x broadway baby!reader

requested: yes !! i hope u like it uwu

warnings: one hell one motherfucking and i think that’s it for swearing?? um brief self deprecating/talking bad abt urself from paxton (bby boy needs a self love boost), reader and paxton are home alone together for a little while but nothing bad happens, uh,,, i think that’s it

summary: when Eleanor can’t run lines with you, she sends over a very attractive, mutually pining substitute.

reccomended songs: “Seventeen” - Tuck everlasting OBC, “The Kiss” -The Princess Diaries score

a/n: i’m p sure i kept the reader p gender neutral but there’s implied slightly long hair, and you play the lead (a girl named winnie) in ur schools production of tuck everlasting but like it’s theatre so anyone can play anyone lol,, this took so got dam long bc i’m fucking s o f t for jock x artist and it just sorta happened lol aLsO,, not super thoroughly edited so there might be a typo or two?? im tired lol

requests r open <3

You had only ever seen two athletes present during rehearsals. Once when Madeline (who at the time was playing Penny in your production of Hairspray) was dating a guy from the soccer team. The other was when the star of the basketball team had come in to give your choreographer pointers for the basketball scenes during High School Musical.

Until now.

You had run onstage part of the way through “Live Like This”, which wasn’t out of the ordinary since so much progress had been made on the costumes. You were still tying the ribbon on your pinafore as you jumped into the song, but when your eyes met a face in the usually empty auditorium, you faltered. You almost sang the wrong verse, but recovered quickly, continuing with the blocking. What felt like a moment later, the number was almost done and you were nearing the end of your counterpoint with Mae Tuck - played by Eleanor, of course. Who could be better for the part? You held out the last note, trying to stay in character despite all the distractions in the back of your mind. You had to talk to Eleanor when the director called for 10; she’d started telling you how Devi was being weird recently. Also, what the Hadestown was Paxton Hall-Yoshida doing chilling in the auditorium? You shoved all that away, focusing on staying in character until the director called for a break.

‘I want to go to the fair. I want to go so badly! I just need a change, need to get out of this house for a little while. I never do anything, so this can’t be asking for too much, right?’

You projected all that into your everything - face, voice, mannerisms, energy.

“Hold!”

Everyone froze.

The director wrote a few things on his paper, sighed, and underlined something several times.

“Okay, good job! I need to revise some of the blocking, then we’ll do notes, so take ten.” Your sudden nerves had definitely made you pitchy, you knew that would be one of your notes for sure.

A chorus of “Thank you ten”s erupted, and you immediately ran to Eleanor, telling the others good job as you passed.

You leaned in and started speaking to her, quietly.

“Okay you need to finish telling me about Devi, and that other news you’re being so cryptic about! Also, what’s up with Fierro over there?” you nodded towards Paxton hoping he wouldn’t see, and you noticed Fab is sitting near him. You realized they’re probably waiting for Eleanor and/or Devi. That must be it, he’s been hanging out with them lately, right? Eleanor gasped.

“You’re right! Paxton is such a Fierro!”

You cringed inwardly a little bit as her voice carried through the auditorium, mixing with the others. Your eyes darted over to him for a fraction of a second. Oh god. He was looking at you. Or in your general direction at least. Lena, the costumer, walked around the set gingerly, following you around and getting you out of your dress incredibly carefully as you and Eleanor walked off stage.

“No! Well, yes- but no. What’s he doing here? Jocks never come here during rehearsals. I saw Fab too, are you guys and Devi getting dinner or something?” You said, entering the auditorium, and stepping out of the dress. You grabbed sweatpants and a silky, floral kimono jacket from your bag to throw over your leotard and tights. She waved back at Fab before sitting down in the front. You both grabbed your fans and dramatically flicked them open in sync. Your wrists fluttered, cooling both of you off. A knowing, and slightly mischievous, look came on her face.

“Devi and Fab and I are. Paxton must be here for something… else.” she shrugged, nodding towards Paxton. You looked over again. He was staring at you. You did a double take and tried to hold back your smile.

“Wh- I do not know to what you are referring.”

“To what I am referring is the blush on his cheeks.”

You barely held back a nervous, bubbling laugh.

“He is not blushing! Why would he be blushing!”

“I don’t know,” She shrugged, “Just like how I don’t know that he’s been loitering in the halls outside the music room during your last three solo music rehearsals.”

You struggled for an answer. Before you could form one, you were interrupted.

“Okay, okay what is the best Lin Manuel Miranda musical? Because Kathryn thinks it’s Hamilton-”

“Duh!”

“-But I think it’s In the Heights! It’s an underrated jewel!” Jonah interjected, still wearing his Jesse Tuck hat.

You considered for a moment.

“I mean, they’re too different to compare. In the Heights has the same energy as Rent - showcasing what goes on in ordinary people’s lives, and how love ties us all together,” he nodded in agreement, “But Hamilton is on a way larger scale, almost Les Mis meets Fun Home vibes. But in terms of personal preference…” Eleanor scoffed at your answer, and Jonah went back to debate further with Kathryn.

“Anyway,” you turned back to Eleanor to ask her what the hell she meant by Paxton Hall-Yoshida was blushing. But before you could-

“Eleanor, we need you to try on your blue dress again,” Lena was already pulling her away, “I had the empire waist in the right place but half the pins fell out, and it’s just...” And she was whisked away before you could finish the thought. You just had time to help Holly get out her wig pins and drink some lemon water before notes. Eleanor still wasn’t back, so you made sure to write down hers for her. It was pretty standard; be quiet backstage, go over your lines, don’t touch props that aren’t yours, don’t eat in costume, and a couple blocking changes you made note of. After your end of rehearsal warm downs and huddle, everyone left relatively quickly. You ducked into the bathroom to freshen up a little. Sometimes it was hard coming down from such intense energy after rehearsal. You mentally ran through your to do list. You needed to get some more tea, write that essay when you got home, go over your notes- You gasped, cutting off your own train of thought. You ran out of the bathroom to look for Eleanor, still clutching her notes in hand.

Your voice still echoed in Paxton’s ears. He wished he had a whole album of you singing. Your voice made him want to ruin his spotify algorithm by listening to nothing else. You had looked at him a couple times, and his heart had almost stopped. He didn’t know eye contact could be so intense. It’s probably just cause you’re like, the only person in the audience. Where else is she supposed to look? He deflated a little. He heard his name and looked over to you and Eleanor talking together. Hopefully it was about him. Hopefully it was good. He checked his phone, trying to look busy. When he glanced up to see if you were looking, you were gone. He started to look around for you when he saw Eleanor waving at Fab, and sure enough, you were next to her. What he didn’t expect was you dropping your dress to the ground. Time slowed down (and his heart sped up) as you stretched a little, and pulled out sweatpants from your bag.

Wow.

You had on what looked like a bathing suit on underneath, and a few other people had done the same, but he knew that image would be in his memory, probably forever. His heart was beating in his ears and he knew he must be blushing.

“You okay, Paxton?” Fab asked, a seat or two away. Oh god, he didn’t want people asking why he blushed every time he looked at you! He muttered something about needing to make a call and headed for the doors. Don’t look back at her, don’t look back at her… His eyes involuntarily darted in your direction right before he left. You had on a flowy translucent jacket, your hair thrown back supermodel style as you fanned yourself to cool down. He needed to cool down too. Maybe a cold shower, a really cold shower.

You managed to find Eleanor just before she left. Two girls were with her, you had seen Fab once, and you’d heard a lot about Devi, but had never been introduced.

You gave Eleanor her notes, and she hugged you.

“You’re a lifesaver!”

“Of course, I-”

“Uh, who’s this?” you looked over, and the shorter girl - Devi, based on what you’d heard about her - was giving you a weird look. You introduced yourself.

“Nice to meet you. How do you know Eleanor?” said the taller girl - definitely Fab.

“Oh,” you smiled, “she’s my almost mother in law. And my arch rival,” you counted on your fingers, “my sister, my niece, my lover, my husband, and…” you trailed off, trying to think of the other dynamics your characters had had in past shows.

“Your co-conspirator.”

“Right,” you laughed. Devi and Fab looked at you two.

“We’re in the musical together.” you clarified. You were about to part ways when you called to Eleanor, “Hey, we’re still on for running lines tomorrow night?”

“Uh… Sounds good!” she walked away quickly, speaking to Devi and Fab in hushed tones. Something was definitely up. That was typical Eleanor Scheming behavior.

That night, you almost couldn’t sleep. This wasn’t the normal post rehearsal can’t sleep. In fact, Tuck Everlasting was the last thing on your mind as you readjusted your pillows and snuggled into your duvet. You stared at the neon blue stars projected and swirling on your ceiling. You sighed. Again. Your brain was a 24/7 livestream of Paxton Hall-Yoshida to relax/study to. You saw him again, his face in the dimly lit auditorium, Adonis in a sea of faded seats. If you hadn’t been sure before, you knew now that red was definitely his color. You rolled onto your side. Your heart picked up speed as a thought crossed your mind. You could almost see Paxton now, kneeling next to you, his fingertips brushing your cheek. The piano underscore to “Seventeen” ran through your mind. You could imagine him saying “Wait with me, we could share the world…” so vividly it almost hurt. He leaned in, and…

You let out a loud sigh and rolled over again. Your heart was fully saturated. That’s more than enough pining for tonight.

“Paxton!”

He was a little surprised when Eleanor just walked up to him at lunch the next day. Most people were too intimidated to approach him out of the blue.

“I have a plan.”

“Uh, I don’t know what you-”

“Cut the crap, I know you like her.”

His face blanched. Well, yeah of course he did. Who wouldn’t? He was going to ask Eleanor if there was something he could do to win you over, just not here, not now. Not where everyone could watch and jeer and rib him for it. Just like they were doing now.

“Woah, dude, who is it?” Trent asked. He fumbled for words. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He hadn’t kept his crush a secret because he was embarrased of you, he’d kept it a secret because his dumbass friends wouldn’t get you. Hell, he barely got you. You were so deep, and emotive, and artistic...

“Bro, if you like her as much as it seems like you do,” Trent continued, “you gotta win her over.” He was a little shocked at the agreement murmuring through his group of friends. He didn’t know how to respond. Trent turned to Eleanor.

“What’s the plan, drama mama?”

“First of all,” she said, an almost humorously dangerous look on her face, “never call me that again. Second,” she shoved some papers into Paxton’s hands, “meet me in the music room immediately after school.” She started back for her table. Trent looked back over to Paxton.

“You gotta do it, dude. We’ll cover for you at swim.”

The rest of his friends agreed. He was pleasantly surprised at how supportive they were being.

“Yeah, I guess... we’ve got a plan.”

The next day went by pretty smoothly. No rehearsal was scheduled since they were finishing construction for some of the sets, but everyone was instructed to do a couple read throughs of the script, focusing on scenes they’re still forgetting, to make sure everyone’s off book. You stopped by 7 Eleven to get a blue slurpee (for homework) and a couple coconut waters (for run throughs). You texted Eleanor on your way to the slurpee machine.

okay so do you like the mango coconut water or the pineapple one?? It’s the mango one right?? i always forget lmao

sent at 4:16 pm

btw I don’t have that much homework so you can probs come by around 5:30 if you’re ready by then

sent at 4:16 pm

Bae Tuck

OMFG!! I totally forgot about running lines tonight, I can’t make it! :( but I’ll send someone over to help you out. :)

sent at 4:17 pm

You squinted at your screen. That was weird. Eleanor never used colon parentheses smilies. Like, ever. She always used emojis, and usually way more than two per text.

yeah np, are u good? ♡

sent at 4:17 pm

Bae Tuck

Yes :)

sent at 4:18 pm

Bae Tuck

Also get the passionfruit one 🥥🍠 👀

sent at 4:18

that’s,,, el that’s a sweet potato,,

sent at 4:19 pm

Bae Tuck

Close enough 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

sent at 4:19pm

...Okay? That was definitely weird. You shook it off and headed for the counter to pay. You stopped half way there, and turned back to swap the mango for passionfruit.

Not long after you had finished your homework and tidied up your room a little, the doorbell rang. You exited the kitchen, drinks in hand, and opened the door. Your heart caught in your throat. Paxton Hall-Yoshida was standing outside. And you were pretty sure he looked nervous. You both just stood there for a second. No one breathed, no one spoke.

“Uh, hi, do you want to…” you backed up, motioning for him to come inside.

“Yeah, thanks,” he said, entering the doorway. Paxton motherfucking Hall-Yoshida was in your living room. You held out a hand to him.

“Coconut water?” he took the box, looked at the label, and smiled.

“Yeah, thanks,” he said again, this time a faint, yet unmistakable note of joy in his voice. He took a sip. He smiled.

“Passionfruit’s my favorite.” You silently thanked Eleanor, who you knew must have planned all this. Most of the evening was a blur, and you thanked god your family wasn’t home right now. You went upstairs, texted Eleanor asking what the actual fuck, made some surprisingly comfortable small talk, then filled him in on how to run lines.

“Do you think playing the soundtrack would help you… get into character?” he asked.

“I would probably just end up singing the whole thing,” You laughed and tried to ignore the butterflies in your chest. The main scene you struggled with was before “Seventeen”. It was harder to get into Winnie’s head because you had no romantic feelings for Jonah, and you always just made each other laugh. You had started with a few easier scenes of Winnie and Jesse, like the fair, and the dialogue before “Top of the World”.

“That was really good,” he said, and you felt the sincerity of his words.

“Thanks…” you smiled and took a sip of coconut water, hoping you weren’t blushing too hard.

“So what next?” he asked.

“Probably the scene before ‘Seventeen’,” you said, giving him the page and scene number, “it’s one of the hardest ones for me. I guess I just can’t connect to Jonah the way Winnie does.”

“Huh,” he said, skimming the page. When you looked up at him, he had something between a smile and a smirk playing at his lips. You made yourself look away before you got too distracted. You refused to think about the fact that you were sitting across from Paxton Hall-Yoshida on your bed, in your room, like you were… close with each other. His eyes skimmed the script, finding the dialogue. He glanced up at you and nodded, indicating he found his place. You began.

“I was so afraid you wouldn’t get away,” you said, jumping into character.

“I may be 102, but I can still outrun anyone,” a smile played at his lips. You smiled, then let your face fall.

“I’m so sorry, I-I tried to warn you-”

“No, no,” he interjected almost seamlessly, “It’s okay, it’s… refreshing having someone look after me who isn’t my mom.” His eyes flickered between your face and the page. You smiled with him for a second, then let distress cloud your face.

“Jesse… that man came by my house today. He heard the music box, he knows about you-”

“I know he knows…”

You continued on with the scene and he trailed off when he came to the sheet music for the song Seventeen. You took in a breath to start the dialogue in the middle of the song, but before you could…

“Six years from now you will turn seventeen,

Turn seventeen,

The same age as me,

Six years from now,

Go to the spring,

Go to the spring and drink…”

He was singing to you. He was looking at you and singing to you. His eyes only flickered down to the page to confirm the lyrics. He was nervous, you could tell. But through his hesitance, the emotion in his voice was sincere. Your heart was beating faster. You didn’t even notice your pulse was ringing in your ears, you were too focused on Paxton.

“I'll wait for you till you turn seventeen,

Turn seventeen,

The same age as me,

Six years from now,

Go to the spring,

Go to the spring and drink…” Your hand rose to cover your mouth. He hesitated, and you remembered your dialogue.

“Uh, wh-what if I… forget where the spring is?” He reached out and took your free hand in his. Your pulse was off the charts. “I’ll go get you some water. Just… remember to keep it somewhere safe. Somewhere no one will find it.” You got the feeling he wasn’t just talking about the water. You knew he had never really been in a serious relationship before, and it clicked suddenly - if he learned an entire song to duet with you, just how much he must like you. You exhaled a breathy laugh, unsure how to process the sudden euphoria you felt.

“You make the world sound so… exciting. I just want to drink the water right now!”

“Uh, no. You have to wait.” you both smiled, anticipating the upcoming joke.

“Why?” you ask, “What’s the difference?” You held your breath as he tried not to laugh through the delivery of the punchline.

“Believe me,” he rubbed his thumb over your hand, “there’s a difference.” You both chuckled, and he continued singing. You were so focused on him, so… touched that he would do all this for you.

“Winnie, wait with me,

And we could be married,

Winnie, wait with me,

And we'll share the world,

Winnie, you can stop time,

And live like this,

Forever…”

“I could live like this forever,” you echoed.

“Live like this...” you sang in tandem.

“What do you say, Winnie? Do you want to…” he broke character suddenly, and asked, his eyes boring into yours, “Do you want to go out some time?”

He could see the adorable smile blooming on your face, even from behind your hand. You nodded.

“Yes, I-I would love that,” and you began to sing the last line in the song, “Forever-”

But before you finished holding out the note, his lips were on yours. His mouth moved slowly, intentionally, against yours. You followed his lead, flustered. He leaned further forward, his palm caressing your cheek. It was everything you imagined it would be, and you had quite the imagination. Your head was angled up and your hands rested themselves on his back, one tracing little shapes. Your shoulders were pressed against each other and neither of you could think. He was so warm. He tasted like coconut and passion fruit, and a distant part of your mind silently thanked Eleanor again.

You really could live like this forever.

#paxton hall yoshida x reader #paxton hall yoshida #never have i ever #nhie #nhie x reader #never have i ever x reader

625 notes · View notes

wastelandcrown · 4 years ago

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logan lark’s adventures in trying to appease his parents

CHAPTER 4: a tight-knit family

Summary: Logan Lark is a fairly average high school student. By all means, he should be impressing his parents on all grounds. Except...he doesn’t exactly have a social life. So after his parents give him puppy dog eyes, he decides to join the local theatre's youth production. Good grief...His life is about to get weird isn’t it?

Warnings: Potential ooc behavior, Roman is a theatre brat to the highest degree (Sorry Roman stans), Remus being Remus, (If I miss something please tell me!)

Notes: This fic is based off an idea from @under-the-blue-moonlight. If you wanna be tagged in chapters, please dm me!! This chapter we see a LOT of Patton, a little of Virgil, and some Roman being an ass behaviour. I apologize if this chapter is lackluster, it’s important I promise!! Also I just finished chapter 5...its 3295 of intrulogical fluff

Pairings: Eventual Intrulogical, Eventual Rociet, Eventual One-Sided Logicality, Platonic Analogical, Platonic DRLAMP

Word Count: 2269

Tagslist: @under-the-blue-moonlight @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @im-actually-ok @hauntedturkeycalzonedreamer

After a few weeks, not disappointing Remus was a weak reason to be here.

Though he never considered himself a quitter, god he would love to just quit one thing in his life. The thing being theatre.

When Thomas arrived Roman bombarded him with questions. Turns out, Logan was cast as Hamilton due to his exceptional rapping. Roman, weaker at rapping but a very confident and strong singer, could provide the extremely skilled vocal performance required by Washington. If Logan were to get sick, Roman would play Hamilton and Remus would hand over Maria’s part to his understudy. Which made sense, of course. The beginnings of rehearsals were, by all means, not entirely awful. They were going to learn the music to the show, song by song. The first problem arises with Logan’s absolutely awful stage fright. After the first run-through of the title number, Alexander Hamilton, Logan almost threw up again. People looked directly at him whenever he sang or rapped. The musical director, Jamahl, assured him it was fine. Jamahl, as nice as he was, would be receiving a solid two on Logan’s chart. It’s okay, Logan, Everyone gets stage fright, Logan. That, quite frankly, sounded like a bunch of bullshit. Especially since every time Logan got too nervous and messed up, Roman laughed from off to his side.

Which shouldn’t bother him. It really shouldn’t. Except...Well, it was infuriating to be laughed at. For something he can’t control no less. He was ready to ball up his script and pelt him with paper until he stopped being a colossally egotistical idiot. Along with Roman’s frankly abhorrent behaviour, Logan also had to deal with feigning...romantic intimacy. Don’t get him wrong, Patton was a very nice guy. But...how would you feel knowing your first kiss would have to be fake for a theatre production? Bad. You would feel bad. So does Logan. Logan is sick of all of this, and by the end of the second week he finally snaps.

When he hears that during Helpless he needs to kiss Patton, he doesn’t bother to hide his surprise. Of course, after he does, Roman decides to open his big dumb mouth.

“What’s wrong, Microsoft nerd? Upset that your first kiss will be on the stage?”

Patton reels back and glares at Roman almost instantly, opening his mouth to defend Logan, when Logan turns on Roman himself.

“I am beginning to wonder if you ever just shut up,” Logan snaps, fists balled in anger.

“Because honestly, for the two weeks I have been in this theatre program, you have done nothing but spout off like a tea kettle about to boil over all because I happened to be better than you at one thing. So I am sincerely asking, do you ever shut up?”

Somehow, he has done the impossible. Roman is stunned into silence, his face goes red with anger.

“How dare-” Is all he manages to get out before Thomas calls for a five-minute break.

Thomas motions for Logan to come over to him, and he’s still fuming. If he were as dramatic as a certain hoity-toity theatre brat, he would be practically foaming at the mouth. Thomas is an adult, so he tries to pull himself together.

“I apologize-”

“Don’t. Roman kinda deserved that,” Thomas says with a smirk, “He’s a great kid, but he has a lot to learn.”

It’s his turn to be shocked into silence, because never in a million years would he expect an adult to enable such an outburst.

“Really though, Logan, Just try not to let it happen again. I’ll let it slide this time, okay?”

With a nudge to the side and a kind smile, Logan is sent to have his break.

Roman is quiet for the rest of the day. Logan could not be more pleased. Roman’s anger at him was unjustified and awful, he was overall awful. After today, he would need to add a negative rating to his charts. He doesn’t think he could ever get along with someone like Roman without eventually succumbing to his anger and strangling him. Logan knows his extreme anger is wrong, but Roman was just...just...absolutely, unbelievably, infuriating. Sitting in the lobby waiting for his father like usual, he is approached by Patton. Alone this time, without Virgil. Which is strange.

“You look like you’re about to rip someone's head off,” Patton giggles out with a sympathetic smile.

Logan sighs and gives him a little smirk, “My apologies, are you going to be getting a ride with Virgil tonight?”

“No, his dad is picking him up! I was actually wondering if you wanted to hang out!”

“I-” Logan thinks on this for a while, then shrugs. It may be for the best. Patton has been very kind, and he has defended him when Roman was being a jerk.

“Sure, let me message my father.”

Patton’s car is a beat-up looking second-hand thing that looks like it rolled out of a dump. Inside, it’s actually very well taken care of. Patton calls the car “Christine” and pats her lovingly. Hanging from the rear-view mirror is a small frog-shaped air freshener that makes the car smell of strawberries. The seats are comfortable, and Patton’s music is sweet. Eventually they pull into a parking lot in a townhouse area, and as they walk down the street Patton waves and says hello to all his neighbours that are outside.

“You know them all?”

“Oh, yeah! Lots of them have babysat me, or my sisters! And I’ve babysat for them too!”

Huh. He didn’t know Patton had sisters. Though, the second they enter his house, it’s entirely obvious.

In the living room, there are three young girls. Patton’s shoes are barely off when the two youngest ones rush him and engulf him in hugs. The older one walks over and smiles at Logan first.

“Hi, which one are you?” She asks, and Patton laughs.

“Delilah Ann! That’s not nice!”

“I’m Logan, it’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m Lilah, I’ve heard a lot about you. Mostly ‘cause Pat doesn’t shut up.”

Patton looks a little pouty, but Logan thinks he likes Lilah. She doesn’t look much like Patton at all. Her hair is more wavy than curly, and a very nice strawberry blonde colour. She doesn’t have glasses, and dresses very tomboyish, the only thing that ties them together are their freckled cheeks. She’s only thirteen, but Logan finds her interesting to talk to. While Patton is dealing with the younger ones, she tells him about how she wants to be a mortician and is the smartest in her family. Logan smiles a little while they have a mostly one-sided conversation.

One thing the siblings have in common is certainly their talkative likability.

The younger two are put to work on their homework at the dining table, and Patton begins to set up dinner. Logan sits next to the girls at the table, Delilah retreating to her room, chatting with Patton as he cooks. He offered to help but was denied at every turn. Something about him being a guest, and how he shouldn’t have to. They’re discussing their roles in the play when the youngest slams her head against the table dramatically.

“Patton! I don’t wanna do this anymore!” She whines, Patton puts some potatoes in a pot then brushes off his hands on his apron.

“Do you need help, or do you need a break?”

“Help!”

Logan peers over her paper and sees a bunch of simple multiplication questions, she must only be in second or third grade.

He clears his throat, “If you’d like, I could help you.”

“Oh! Oh! Yes! Patton can Logan help me please!”

Patton agrees, despite obviously looking at Logan and saying ‘You really don’t have to’ with his eyes. Logan likes to teach, he’s more than happy to help out. Especially since Elaine is extremely charming. You can definitely see how much she looks like Patton. Big square glasses, blonde hair in pigtails, tons of freckles dotting chubby cheeks. She acts like him too, spouting out awful dad jokes that make Patton lose it laughing in the kitchen. She tries her best to listen, and manages to actually complete her math homework with a pretty good mark. Her teacher will hopefully be impressed. Logan’s dad texts and asks if he needs to be picked up, but Elaine begs him to stay for dinner and...well he can’t say no, can he? Patton says he doesn’t have to stay, but he wants to.

He’d never had siblings, it had always just been him and his parents. Though he loved them, and they loved him, it was so...lonely sometimes. He had always wanted a little brother or sister, maybe even a pet, but it never really happened. The energy in Patton’s house was somehow a perfect mix of lively and calm, they felt like they were really a family. Logan relished in it. The feeling of community, full of love so openly given and received. The most he had were very quiet holiday dinners with the few Larks who were left. He remembers being Elaine’s age, he felt so lonely. She wasn’t lonely though, she was full of love. So was Patton. It was very nice. He watches Patton cook and he chats with him while realizing he’s been much too harsh on him. His kindness wasn’t fake, there was no way. He was a real person who was actually that nice. He defended him out of the kindness of his heart.

Ding.

hey logan wyd rn

Ah, Virgil. That was a pleasant surprise.

I’m actually at Patton’s house. Elaine has roped me into staying for dinner.

He can almost hear Virgil’s little chuckle.

yeah she does that hows sophie

Sophie? Oh, that must be the third sister. She’s very quiet, her eyes haven’t once looked upwards the whole time they’ve been sat together.

“Ahem-Uhm-Sophie,” Logan starts, and Sophie looks up from her homework, “Virgil was wondering how you are?”

Her eyes light up, “I’m good. Is he going to come over?”

She’s good. She wants to know if you will be coming over.

hah, sure tell her to give me 20

“Yes, give him twenty minutes.”

Sophie smiles, and Logan is reminded of Virgil almost immediately. She has dark brown hair that covers her face and a bit of a natural glare. Her smile is shy, and he wonders if Patton secretly stole Virgil’s little sister.

It seems like it, even more, when Virgil actually gets there. Sophie’s entire demeanor changes. She becomes extremely talkative and tells Virgil all about how she’s got a new villager in her animal crossing town. Virgil entertains her with talking, going and helping Patton to cook. Logan gets up to help as well, but Virgil waves him away. Virgil looks like he belongs here, in this little dining room-kitchen. He’s laughing beside Patton, talking to both girls and Logan, helping cook and set the table. Logan can’t help but wonder how many times he’s done this before. While Patton is putting the food on the table, the door opens and a tired-looking woman enters. Virgil goes to greet her, and she smiles. Her hair is curly and blonde, her eyes are a cloudy green, she is covered in a smattering of freckles, and she looks...just like Patton.

Logan gets up to go greet her as well. When she sees him she beams and it’s like he’s been confronted by the sun herself.

“You must be Logan! Virgil and Patton talk my ears off about you!” She pats his head, and continues, “The boys just adore you! It’s about time you came for dinner!”

He almost can’t speak, and both Virgil and Patton whine about her embarrassing them, but he nods, “Thank you for having me, but I’ve only known them for two weeks, Ma’am.”

The woman looks a little confused, then laughs joyously, “No need for that, kiddo! Just call me Lisa, okay?”

After patting him on the shoulder, she slinks by and greets all her children. Lilah has come back down, and the whole table is now filled to the brim. Dinner is filling and delicious, Patton really has a talent for the culinary arts. Which is strange considering Logan took him as someone who, like him, couldn’t cook to save his life.

After dinner, Patton brings Logan and Virgil to his room to hang out. They play video games, talk about anything they can manage, and by the time it’s late Logan is smiling. At nine, Elaine and Sophie are whining about Patton putting them to bed. Virgil and Logan wish them good night and Virgil drives Logan home.

“Logan, I’ve gotta ask...why did you agree to hang out with Patton?”

“Well...I’m not actually sure. I think that I needed it.”

“How do you mean?”

Logan looks out the window and thinks to himself. Why? He’s never had friends, or much of a close family. He figured he agreed because well…

“Patton has something I don’t. It helped me understand him better to see what he has.”

Virgil accepted that, but Logan wasn’t sure he understood it fully. He’s not even sure he does.

That night, Roman gets a negative two. Patton gets a ten, and written on his pages are the names and personalities of his family members. Along with that, is a very simple phrase.

I have concluded that Patton is, indeed, a very good person.

Why it took him this long to come to terms with, he will never understand.

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shadowturtlesstuff · 4 years ago

Text

One of us

so i did a thing, you know when i said i was writing cardan listning to hamilton...well here it is

also thanks to @fangirling-again for editing and helping me with this crazy fic.

Judes' voice was a little sore but she couldn't be happier. Cardan and herself had decided to spend the weekend in the mortal world with her sister Vivi. They'd spent most of the day wandering around her small hometown, she began just shopping but as soon as Cardan saw the castle he insisted they go inside. So they'd spent a few hours wandering the castle, Jude going through the different time phases throughout history and what the town itself used to be. After that they'd gotten ice scream and met up with her sisters; Oak, Heather and Taryns' son. They'd gotten to Vivi and Heather's new apartment and had dinner, and were currently all surrounding the TV. Jude had her nephew on her lap, Cardan next to her stealing kisses every now and then. Oak was to her left. Vivi and Heather shared a chair and taryn sat on the floor by Oak. Locke refused to come to the mortal world which was fine with all of them. It was much more enjoyable than if he was here. Cardan was messing with her hair as they all sat watching Hamilton.

They'd all fallen into roles quickly, singing along through act 1. It had recently come out on Disney plus, which Vivi had gotten immediately. Apparently Heather had introduced her to the musical and Vivi had shown Jude and Taryn weeks ago and she was addicted to it. She didn't usually sing back in Elfhame or even have a device to play music. Yet she brought a phone just for this. Cardan often found her singing to herself when she was doing paperwork, he didn't join in ever, she didn't even know if he could sing, but he always wore a soft smile that made her heart nearly burst. It was weird, being with Cardan, but her favourite moments were the small ones where she was able to show just how mortal she was and he still smiled at her. Still loved her. It baffled her.

They were on act 2 now, Judes voice hurt slightly but she was having so much fun. It was nice not to worry about anything other than the words and the four year old on her lap. Cardan hadn't spoken the entire time, content watching the chaos of her family. Currently Taryn was Burr, singing the 'Room Where It Happened'. Which was one of Jude’s favorites, she understood the need to be there where power was, where people make decisions on how the country was controlled. Although her favorite was probably the 'Schuyler Sisters' because it reminded her of a time when the three of them were carefree, wondering what life would be for them. None of them would've guessed anything like this and yet even though she had lost so much she was still grateful. Taryn's son was in and out of sleep because it was nearly midnight, but the four year old still danced along with her whenever she sang. Her nephew was adorable, with black hair and a cunningly cute smile. Thankfully he looked more like Taryn than Locke, but you would still be able to tell he was the father. She loved him and spent as much time as she could with him, even if that wasn't much. Taryn didn't visit the palace much, claiming she was too tired or whatever nonsense Locke wanted her to say. She was surprised when she agreed to join them tonight but Jude guessed she needed a proper break even if her child was still with her. Cardan was good with him too, holding him whenever they saw him and making the child smile widely and giggle as he pulled faces and cooed at him. Both of them feared being parents, they were sure the other would be perfect but always doubted themselves, they had spoken about it a few times but never decided, they were in no rush to produce an heir, and they still had to both fear being a parent less.

Jude rested her head on Cardans' shoulder and smiled, watching her sisters sing. She had parts coming up soon but as of right now she wanted her husband's shoulder to be a pillow. Admittedly she was tired, they walked a lot today, yesterday had been meeting after meeting. How Oak was still wide awake was a mystery, although he was still a kid she supposed. ‘Why ‘Why don't the fae do this?’ She heard cardan whisper to her.

‘What do you mean?’

‘This,’ he said gesturing to her sisters singing, ‘being together singing without instruments or a revel or anything. If any fae saw this they'd be completely baffled. It's all so weird.’

Panic swelled in her, she hadn't asked Cardan if he wanted to watch this or even stay with Vivi tonight, they could've gone to a hotel, which perhaps would have been weirder for Cardan. ‘Are you not enjoying this? We can-’

He chuckled lightly, ‘I am enjoying his immensely my love, I especially love seeing you smile as you sing.’ He tells her and places a kiss on her head. This moment, anything like this made all the pain she'd ever faced worth it. She smiled at her husband.

‘I hope you know that you'll be one of us soon. You'll have heard it so much you'll know all the words.’

‘I expect nothing less, my wicked thing.’

‘Hey lovebirds!’ Oak shouted at them, snapping them out of their bubble via popcorn. Jude scowled whilst everyone else laughed, Cardan included. She felt her nephew stirring and threw popcorn back at Oak, she'd only just settled him.

‘You little brat.’She said, to him but he only pulled a stupid face and pointed to the screen where Washington was standing proudly sayong goodbye to his nation. She missed most of her song due to getting lost in Cardans' warm embrace and kind words. However she quickly caught onto the part of the song and began, promising to once again do the king song.

*****

Jude had been standing outside her room for at least five minutes. She'd been in a rush to get some documents but as soon as she heard Cardans' voice she stopped in her tracks, her head against the door and waited. She'd caught Cardan singing Hamilton, right at the end of 'Winter's Ball', which meant 'Helpless' was next and never in a million years could she ever imagine her husband singing that. Yet she heard him be Eliza Hamilton. He was a damn good Eliza too. He even was Angelica and Alexander.

‘‘Two weeks later in the living room stressin’ my father stone-faced whilst your asking for his blessin’.’’

It was at that point Jude slowly opened the door; revealing a spinning Cardan. His hands in the air as if he was dancing with someone. She stepped further into the room, seeing that he had stolen her phone and had earphones in, papers and ink were left discarded on the desk and the chair was on the floor as if he'd flung it back in his rush to dance. His eyes were closed and he was completely lost in the moment. Jude was trying really hard not to laugh and wishing she had an extra phone to record this.

‘Then he shakes your hand and says be true, then you look back to me and suddenly i'm helpe-’

Just as he was about to sing ‘helpless’ at the top of his lungs he bumped into Jude, knocking her slightly and going completely still. They stared at each other, Cardan looking as if he'd seen a ghost and Jude looking like a child in school holding back a laugh. She relented and began laughing and Cardan started scowling at her. It only made her laugh harder.

‘What, my sweet villain, is so funny about me singing? It was you who told me I'd sing it at some point-was it not?’

‘Yeah,’ Jude wheezed trying to stop laughing, ‘but I didn't expect this.’ She gestured to where he had been dancing, the chair and him in general.

‘Jude what are you even doing back so soon?’ He asked, racking a hand through his hair. Clearly he hadn't been expecting anyone, least of all Jude, to walk in on him.

She composed herself enough to answer, not looking at him in fear of laughing again. ‘I'm just getting some papers for a meeting.’

‘Well, I-. See jude.’ Cardan began at a loss for words. Never, in all her time knowing Cardan, in being married to him, had he been stumped for words. It was perhaps funnier than watching him dance. Jude placed her hand on her mouth to hide her smile and faced her husband. She could see the embarrassment in his eyes and felt bad for laughing even if it was hilarious.

‘Cardan,’ Jude said as she took his hands in hers, ‘my love look at me.’ Reluctantly he looked at her and it took every ounce of self control not to laugh again. ‘I am not laughing at your singing talent, I'm laughing because I've just walked in on my husband dancing alone singing a mortal song.’ She explained to him, kissing his nose and smiling. He had a small smile playing at his lips. ‘Your really good at singing.’ She moves her hand up his arms, rubbing them gently to show how sorry she is for laughing. He takes ahold of her waist and presses his lips to hers. She smiles into the kiss and feels him do the same. She pulls back and looks at her husband before whispering softly:

‘Boy, you got me helpless.’

@yafa-towers @fangirling-again @goatahoan @jurdan7 @illyrianwitchling13 @yafandomsdotnet

again let me know if you do or dont want to be tagged

#jude #hamilton #cardan #cruel prince #folk of the air #cardan singing

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visceraah · 4 years ago

Text

The sound of music

(aka i’m so sorry for naming it after a musical it has nothing to do with dkjsdjksdjk names are hard)

My gift for @anianthe for @sanderssidesgiftxchange

Rating- Teen cause i’m incapable of not writing wayyy more swears then are necessary-

WC- 2947

Ship- Just Virgil interacting w the other sides,, feel free to interpret romantically if you want!

Warnings- not really any! Remus shows up briefly so.. beware of that. and ig Virgil is also kinda mean bUT he does it affectionately.

AO3

“We’re having a movie night!”

Virgil blinked. Took off his his headphones which, unfortunately, hadn’t been playing anything- he wore them out of habit, sometimes- meaning he heard everything his stupid best friend just said.

“No, we aren’t.”

Roman flopped down on his bed without waiting for any indication it was okay, something Virgil was all too used to. “We are now.”

Virgil sighed heavily and pushed Roman with his foot, trying to roll him off the bed. He didn’t budge. “And if I don’t want to?”

“Pleaseeee?” Roman employed the puppy dog eyes and Virgil knew already this was a losing battle. Ugh.

“I get to pick the movie.”

Roman perked up immediately, coming to sit next to him. “Yes! Okay! Just- Disney?”

Virgil rolled his eyes, wondering if Roman was capable of consuming content made by anyone else. He was beginning to doubt it. “Nightmare Before Christmas, then.”

“Predictable.” Roman murmured smugly, and he elbowed him.

“You want this movie night or not?”

“Okay, okay! I yield!” Roman cried, clutching his ribs. Virgil was pretty sure he was more upset at the prospect of a cancelled movie night then the ‘pain’ he was overplaying right now.

“Okay.” Virgil agreed, smugly, and set the movie on.

He’d seen it a million times already, which for most people would only make it boring by now- but Virgil found comfort in familiar things. Plus, that animation! He could happily watch it a million more times- and, honestly, probably would.

That meant he had it memorised, though, and soon enough he was singing along to the introduction under his breath. He listened along contently, until an unfamiliar third voice joined the chorus, and he startled, looking to the side. “Roman?”

Roman stared back, raising an eyebrow at him. “... Hi.”

“Were you singing along?”

Romans eyes flicked between Virgil and the screen, where the movie was still playing, in confusion. “Yes, Dr Gloom? Look, I know what a downer you love to be, but these pipes can’t stay closed all the time! They need exercise- and, the world deserves- neigh, needs to hear them!”

Virgil huffed at the dramatics, although it was fond. “I never said it was a problem, Sir Sing-a-lot, I’m just surprised.”

“One, that’s not an insult and I’m absolutely using that,” Roman retorted, “And two… It’s Disney! One of their best! Do you really expect me to not know the words?”

Virgil snorted, but he had to admit, he couldn’t disagree with that. “Whatever, nerd.”

Roman gasped, somehow seeming more upset than when Virgil had elbowed him. Of course that’d be what got to him. “I am not! I’m a prince- a very princely prince! Not-”

“Whatever you say, prince of the nerds.” Virgil hummed out, smirking to himself. Maybe Roman bursting in out of nowhere wasn’t so bad… This time. He still hated surprises and would not be convinced to do this again. He said that every time

Being Romans best friend, unfortunately, had its side effects. One was unplanned, unannounced Disney marathons he had no choice but to roll with. Another was actually listening to his musicals so often he learned to like them, too.

For all he said about Hamilton being overrated (and Romans reaction was priceless every time), he had to admit it was good. A little fast for him to keep with, but he rarely sang along to his songs anyway, preferring to hum quietly unless he was really in the mood.

He liked keeping his music to himself, too- he didn’t want to annoy anyone, so he always wore headphones- but sometimes he just wanted to drown the world out, and they went to full volume. Worked a treat to drown everyone out, but plenty audible to everyone else in the room. Sometimes, though, they’d just have to live with it.

Today was one of those days, where Virgil didn’t want to speak to anybody and had the volume to show it. He was playing one of Princeys musicals, too, humming along to ‘my shot’ no matter how different it was to his normal taste. He nodded in acknowledgement as he passed Logan on his beeline for the fridge, planning on grabbing the easiest and least healthy snack possible.

Retreating with his bag of marshmallows in hand- he was pretty sure they weren’t meant to be in the fridge, but they were imaginary, so maybe nothing needed to go in the fridge. Holy shit.

He pulled the headphones back, opening his mouth to ask Logan's opinion, when he heard a sound that made him freeze in his tracks.

Logan was rapping along to himself. And well. Jesus, how had he forgotten about that? He stared, still in disbelief, and Logan awkwardly trailed off when he noticed his gaze. “Ah, you could hear me.”

“Yeah, I just wanted to ask… Doesn’t matter. Holy shit, Lo, you’re amazing.”

Logan flushed slightly, looking down at the table. “I simply have an appreciation of the genre, and Hamilton has some particular, uhm- how would you say? ‘Bangers’.”

Virgil laughed, slipping into the seat opposite him and taking the headphones off completely. “Dude, I’ve spent enough time with Roman to know having an ‘appreciation’ doesn’t mean you can pull something off.”

Logan raised an eyebrow, clearly fighting back a smile. “I am not sure he’d appreciate you saying that.”

“Eh, I’ve said it to his face before- and will again.” Virgil dismissed, feeling his lips turn up as well. “Why don’t you do it more?”

Logan shrugged, adjusting his glasses awkwardly. “It is hardly a logical skill for me to have, so it simply… Hasn’t come up.”

“Ro doesn’t need an excuse for songs to ‘come up’ before he starts singing them.” Virgil pointed out, and Logan chuffed.

“No, he certainly doesn’t. But we are different people.”

Virgil laughed, nodding. “You could say that again.”

“Oh. Alright, we are differen-”

“It’s an expression, dude. Come on.” Virgil interrupted, sounding nothing but fond as Logan widened his eyes in realisation.

“A highly illogical one, but alright. I can add it to my flashcards to avoid further confusion.” He decided, pulling out his deck there and then to add to. He paused when he heard the crackling of a plastic bag pulled open, looking up as Virgil helped himself to a marshmallow. “Please do not tell me you intend on consuming that entire bag.”

“Maybe.” Virgil held it out, grinning now. “Want one?”

“A key ingredient is gelatin, created by boiling down a pig or cows bones, skin, ligaments or tendons.” Logan deadpanned, and Virgil almost threw the whole bag away in disgust before he remembered,

“But they’re imaginary!”

Logan titled his head. “I suppose so.”

“Actually, I was thinking…” Virgil began, curious about how the fridge actually worked. Soon enough Logan was in a full-fledged rant about mindscape food, and half of it went over his head, but he didn’t mind listening. It was interesting, after all.

Whatever concerns Virgil had about not bothering anyone with his music, the other sides didn’t share them. Roman didn’t hesitate to sing whatever came to mind as it came to mind, offering full renditions of his favourite musical tracks daily, Logan could be heard humming to himself as he worked, Remus had no restraint about… Anything, really, and this was no different, Janus wasn’t exactly considerate, and Patton- Patton was the worst at all.

He wandered the mindscape belting out whatever was in his head at the moment which, as a father figure, was always old, tacky, and bad. They’d learned to ignore it for the most part, but some of the songs he played… Some of them were just unforgivable. And, sitting on the couch as Patton tidied up a little, Virgil had left himself completely at their mercy.

“JOLENE-”

Virgil pulled his hoodie over his ears, wishing he’d brought his headphones. Or just not left his room. “Please, no.”

“Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeeeene, I’m begging of you please don’t take my man-”

“Pain, Padre. This is causing me physical pain.” Virgil groaned, slamming his head back in an attempt to make it all stop. Unfortunately, the sofa was soft, and he just bounced back. Eurgh.

“Awh, cmon kiddo! I’m just singing. You could always join me.” Patton chirped, rearranging the same jar for the fourth time in three minutes.

“I might die.” Virgil deadpanned, staring Patton dead in the eyes, and he giggled.

“Don’t be silly… Come on, my music isn’t that bad!”

Virgil couldn’t quite believe his ears. Maybe they were still bleeding from being subjected to Dolly Parton. “You listen to dad music.”

“Well, yeah, but what else did you expect from your pops-”

Virgil groaned louder, shaking his head. “I- whatever. When’d you even start listening to country music?”

“Nico likes it!” Patton replied, brightly, and Virgil bristled.

“That’s it, Thomas has to break it off.”

It took Patton a second to recognize Virgil was joking, and he started laughing. “Don’t be so judgy! I listen to your music- in fact, I quite like being cautious in the disco.”

“Oh my god.” Virgil pulled his hood down further over his eyes, the secondhand embarrassment hitting him full force. “You’re so old.”

“Now, I know I’m no spring chicken, but that’s hardly a nice thing to say-”

“We are all the same age.” Logan interjected as he walked through the room, gone before Virgil could try and drag the only other sane one around him to his aid.

“Look, Patt- I love you, but Dolly is too far.” Jesus, Virgil was spending too much time with Roman. Dramatic ultimatums weren’t his style at all.

“... How about Country Roads?”

“Jesus Christ.” Virgil sunk further back into the sofa, hoping it’d just swallow him and his smile.

“I wanna play a song.”

“Get your own headphones.”

“But yours are so loud, they’re basically speakers! You ever turn them up to full volume while they’re on? How loud are they? Oooh, reckon they could rupture your eardrums so blood would bubble out your ears and trail down your face-”

“Stop.” Virgil interrupted with a grimace, before Remus’ imagination could go anywhere gorier. They’d been at this for ten minutes and his answer hadn’t wavered once. “It’s a no, alright? Just… Go away.”

Remus huffed loudly and dropped onto the sofa next to Virgil. Great. “What do you want?”

“Hmmm… Oh, I can do a list!” Remus declared, and before Virgil could tell him please, god, don’t, he was off. “A pony- to disembowel so I can use its guts for ritual purposes, that one dick in a Russian erotica museum they claim is Rasputins and has magical fertility powers, for Barry Bee Benson to be real so I can fu-”

“Alright!” Virgil shuddered and disconnected his headphones. He didn’t know what Remus wanted to do with a literal bee, and he liked it that way. “There.”

Remus grinned a grin with far too many teeth, just a little too sharp, and Virgil rolled his eyes, waiting for whatever monstrosity he was about to hear.

There’s some whores in this house, there’s some-

“You did not just play WAP!” Virgil punched Remus in the arm, pulling his headphones off “You- I swear to God, don’t do the dance.”

Remus was already halfway stood up and Virgil quickly pulled him back down. He’d never wanted Remus to stay sat next to him more in his life. (To be fair, it wasn’t something he felt often.)

“But I already know it!”

“Of course you do.” Virgil grumbled, glancing over at Remus. “Why do you have to play… This, up here?”

“Jannie’s kicked me out, you know how he is.”

Virgil blinked at him, regretting what he was about to say before the words even left his mouth. “If I get him to back off, will you keep your music to the dark side?”

“That’s not fun, though! Ooh, wait, Logan likes rap, doesn’t he? Reckon he’d like to see the dance?”

Virgil stared at Remus blankly. “Please, say that was a joke.”

“It wasn’t! If you wanna hear one, though… Ooh, ok. Two kids walk into a hospice- ”

“No.” Virgil interrupted again, although even he had to snort a little at how ridiculous it was. Even if it was also deeply, deeply twisted. “I- look, I’m gonna do it.”

Remus tilted his head further then looked natural. Virgil was pretty sure he heard a crack. “Thought you hated me and Double Dee.”

“I- I’m just doing this for my sanity, alright? And Logans.” Virgil snapped back, avoiding meeting his eyes.

Avoiding things didn’t work with Remus, though, and soon enough he was uncomfortably close, peering right at Virgil with that unsettling grin. “Awww, Purps is being nice to us.”

“Shut up.” Virgil hissed, sinking out before Remus could pry any further. Creativity was so pushy, Jesus.

Virgil shuddered. He hadn’t been in the dark side of the mindscape in years and, after so long of the bright upstairs, the dark walls felt a little claustrophobic. He just needed to make this quick.

He strode down the hallway, trying to squash the growing nervousness in his stomach. What was the worst that could happen?

… Literally the worst thing he could’ve asked himself, he realised, speeding up subconsciously. So much could go wrong, while he was down here, and he didn’t even know where Deceit was, what if he tripped and fell and broke something and nobody would-

Piano, faint, made him stop in his tracks.

He wasn’t really an expert in classical music, but this had to be one of the more famous pieces, because he’d definitely heard it before. It was good, though, Mozart or something. Pretty difficult, too.

Exactly the kind of pretentious shit Deceit would play, and kick Remus out to enjoy. (Although Virgil couldn’t really blame him for that second part). Emboldened now he knew he wasn’t alone, and could make some jokes about what a snob he was, Virgil entered the room the sound was coming from.

He paled, because in front of him sat Deceit. At a piano. Playing the song.

“Since when do you play.”

Deceit only glanced up at Virgil, the melody smooth even with the interruption. He hated to admit it, but it was impressive. “Things have been quiet. I had time.”

“Quiet? With Remus?”

“I made things quiet.” Deceit amended, shrugging nonchalantly. Knowing him, it had probably been meant to sound as murder-y as it did. Didn’t stop Virgil from shuddering, anyway, serving as the perfect reminder of just how desperately he wanted to leave.

“Alright, look- whatever plan or plot this is, or is covering up, I don’t care.”

Deceit sighed, looking up at Virgil without faltering the music once. Jesus, he actually was good. “You’re right, I’m incapable of having any interests whatsoever without there being some deep, sinister plot behind it. You’ve spotted my evil plan.”

“I- alright, sarcasm’s meant to be for something obviously not true! That could be true!” Virgil protested, already feeling like he was losing this.

Deceit just raised an eyebrow at him in response, and Virgil instinctively hissed back, feeling more and more like he was backed into a corner.

Deceit had the nerve to laugh at him. “It’s been a while since you’ve done that.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve had to talk to anyone so- so-” Virgil groaned, glaring at Deceit. “Stop playing that stupid thing, would you?”

“Alright.” Deceit agreed, and Virgil waited. He kept waiting. The piano continued and after an excruciating minute of listening for an end, he cursed. Why had Virgil assumed he’d be honest?

“Dick.”

“That is my legal name.” Deceit agreed dryly, and Virgil rolled his eyes. He was impossible to talk to.

“Look, just let Remus back down. He’s probably scarring Logan as we speak.”

Deceit smiled at the thought, looking back down at the keys as he played them. “I never said he couldn’t be down here. Oh, and I’m sure there’s /nothing/ about ‘scarring�� Logan that could’ve appealed to him.”

“What, so Remus lied?” Virgil crossed his arms. Remus was plenty of things, but one of them was painfully, brutally, upfront and honest. “That’s your thing.”

“Not lied.” Deceit tutted, like scolding a child for not knowing something they should have. Virgil clenched his fists. “Just… Was dramatic.”

Virgil tried to figure out what he meant before realising it meant literally nothing, and he glared at Deceit. “Stop being so cryptic for five seconds and tell me, Jesus.”

“I wasn’t aware you cared about him so much.” Deceit smirked, and Virgil threw his arms up in exasperation.

“I’m trying to get rid of him!”

Deceit snickered but finally, mercifully, seemed to have already had his fun. “I didn’t tell him to get out if he couldn’t just be quiet and not…” His smile faltered… “Dance on the piano.”

Yeah, that expression was priceless. Virgil laughed as Janus furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“Just… Nevermind.” Virgil was pretty sure imagining that scene playing out was enough entertainment to last him weeks. And a reminder that honestly… Remus didn’t cause as much chaos as he gave him credit for. He was all bark… And plenty of bite, too, but nothing too permanent. “Keep playing, or whatever.”

“You aren’t going to demand I fetch the Duke?”

“He’s not a dog.” Virgil dismissed, resisting a smile at Deceit’s murmured ‘ehhhhh’. “He’ll come back when he wants to. And Logan can look after himself.”

“Amazing.” Deceit sighed heavily. “You wasted my time for nothing, then.”

Virgil could be proud of that, at the very least. He grinned in way of response, sending Deceit a nod before he sunk out.

#virgil sanders #anxiety virgil #uh #wow i've forgotten how to tag #ts gift exchange 2020 #ts virgil #everyone shows up but i don't wanna tag them all cause they aren't like. the MAIN ones #mads' writing

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delicatejisung · 5 years ago

Text

➽── 𝐟𝐚𝐧-𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐯𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 ───❥

✦ yanna’s not very talkative during group vlives, unless she has a sugar rush

✦ so fans appreciate her more on vlives when she’s either alone, with a member or with 2/3 members only and when she suddenly comes out on other people’s vlives

✦ but yanna with all the members is pretty iconic too because she either gets way too hyped or is silently doing random stuff she thinks nctzens don’t notice

✦ her first solo vlive was pretty iconic (two years after their debut)

✦ she was barefaced, kept saying it was awkward and she kept on acting shy

✦ the members kept on calling her and suggesting things that she should do on vlive (renjun also told her that she looked like a helpless puppy and yanna told him to stop watching but he said he couldn’t since it was fun to see her struggle)

✦ she settled with hyuck’s idea, which was telling stories about trainee days

✦ she revealed how she became friends with each member, starting from jeno

✦ immersed with her storytelling, she accidentally let it slip that lucas had a crush on her when they were trainees

✦ the way her eyes widened and stopped immediately when she realized what she said made nctzens never want to forget that moment

✦ another fan favorite was her vlive with doyoung

✦ the two sang “let me be your star” from the tv show “smash” and killed it

✦ next is the infamous “compliment” battle

✦ yanna and jaemin decided to do a vlive randomly one day and the fans said they should do a compliment battle

✦ both aren’t that good with recieving compliments although they would often compliment themselves

✦ everything was fine until jaemin said “uri ae-cha, you’re a very special part of our team and i don’t think we could be nct dream without you”

✦ yanna started crying and jaemin + czennies were shocked because she usually never cries in public (this was before mark graduated)

✦ jaemin then comforted her by hugging her (slightly laughing so czennies wouldn’t get too worried) and kissing her head repeatedly

✦ another fan favorite was when kun, jungwoo, jaehyun and doyoung were doing a vlive and she suddenly started walking towards them

✦ jaehyun asked her what she was doing there and she said “YOU TEXTED ME TO COME” while the others laughed at her

✦ they asked her to show herself to the viewers and she came on and waved at the camera wearing an oversized shirt, denim shorts and and a bucket hat.

✦ “this is how she usually dresses up, isn’t she cute?” doyoung said and they started asking her to model for the czennies.

✦ “eh~, i don’t want to” she whined.

✦ but still did it anyway because jaehyun used the “daughter” card

✦ another one was during the “a cup of coffee” vlive and ten dropped the “john’s banana” joke

✦ as soon as yanna heard it, her eyes widened

✦ she was drinking her usual mixed berries smoothie when ten said it

✦ czennies could see her struggle and how hard it was for her not to laugh since she was in between johnny and jaehyun who she would get in trouble with once they realize she understood a dirty joke

✦ but as soon as she looked at johnny who laughed a bit, she bursted out laughing and accidentally spit her smoothie unto johnny’s shirt

✦ he then, stuffed her mouth with tissue saying “look back at your actions” jokingly

✦ another one was when taeyong was doing a solo vlive inside one of the rehearsal rooms and she entered unaware of it

✦ “hyung, i want ice cream but we have a recording tomorrow so they won’t let me have it!” she whined before falling dramatically on the floor (still behind the camera), loud stomps could be heard and taeyong could only giggle at yanna throwing a tantrum in front of him not knowing their fans could hear her

✦ taeyong then explained right after that she isn’t usually like that so people shouldn’t think that she’s a brat, it’s just that she was under a lot of stress lately because of their comeback

✦ there was also that one nct dream vlive where she spent the whole live smelling their hairs and them letting her (except hyuck who questioned it but only got hit so he ended up letting her be)

✦ also one of her solo vlives where she sang hamilton and dear evan hansen songs

✦ she then revealed it was once her dream to be on broadway but she loves where she is now

✦ during the 00-line vlive where they called jisung and told him to come, of course she was with him and chenle

✦ when they entered, she immediately kissed the top of their heads and said “i’m being nice today, it’s my concept” when hyuck was like “why?”

✦ she then let the members taste the bubble tea she bought but hyuck drank more than half of it because it was yummy

✦ she then bit his cheek and ran away while he chased her

✦ “don’t abuse her kindness” renjun told the viewers as hyuck’s “COME HERE” could still be heard

✦ during the “welcome nct 2018” vlive, she spent the whole thing saying “cute~” whenever any of the members do anything, while also smiling cutely

✦ any english vlive she does is hilarious to international fans

✦ she once spent a whole vlive dancing to tiktok songs and called it “breaking the fourth wall”

✦ during the vlive they all had before new year and before her and chenle turned into adults, she kept on singing “dream launch” and no one had any idea why

✦ and it would be on REALLY random moments

✦ the live was only 9:37 minutes long but she managed to sing parts of it for lyk 15 times

✦ chenle would join her though while the members could only laugh

✦ and of course, her most recent birthday vlive where she cried because she was way too overwhelmed (i might write a scenario about this)

✦ she was crying so hard she couldn’t blow the candles on the cake and it took her 5 tries to be able to do it properly but everyone found it so cute

✦ there could be more but they were just usual things like her biting the members or sticking her tongue out at the viewers/czennies

✦ and of course her being EXTRA affectionate which happens more often than she admits

↣ 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴 ♡

#nct 22nd member #nct dream #nct dream 8th member #nct #huang yanna #female addition #yanna huang #kpop female addition

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sagesparrow394 · 5 years ago

Text

Fat Bottomed Guys (You Make the Rockin’ World Go Round)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

AU: Human, College, Chubby Logan

Ships: Intrulogical, background Remile and Patton x Virgil x Roman

Summary: Logan wasn’t all too keen with his birthday surprise being a karaoke night at a bar. However, he was very surprised when someone, somehow, seemed to find him attractive, changing the lyrics of a song to show it.

Warning: Sympathetic Remus and Deceit, blood mention

——————

Logan Berry took in the scene before him. A bar was in front of him, music booming from inside. Posters in the windows said that that night, the 7th August, was a karaoke night.

His friends had taken him, Logan “I don’t like to sing” Berry, to a karaoke night for his birthday.

Well, this was just great.

“So...?” Emile Picani smiled from where he was stood behind his friend, waiting for Logan’s reaction.

“I’m not sure you thought this through. I’m not exactly a karaoke person.”

“You don’t need to be to enjoy it,” Remy Sleep replied. “It’s equally as fun to drink a bunch, and just watch your friends and strangers making fools of themselves. It’s what I usually do.”

“But not tonight as you promised you’d sing with me!”

“I know, Em, and I will.”

Ethan Dee Ceitful placed a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Lo, I promise you’re gonna have fun. Remy’s right, it can be fun even if you don’t sing. Plus, I heard a few people from our college are gonna be here. Might be good to meet some people before tomorrow.”

Logan thought about it for a moment. He guessed meeting some people would be good... and it would be entertaining to listen to music and spend some time with his friends.

“Okay, lets go.”

Later, the four of them were sat at a table in the bar, drinks in front of them, and listening to the current song. A guy with tanned skin, red-brown hair, wearing a red crop top and white skinny jeans was currently singing Can You Feel the Love Tonight, seeming to be mostly directing towards to two others sat at a nearby table, one of which was blushing and smiling, and the other had their hood pulled up to hide their face. The third person at the table, who looked near identical to the person singing, only they had a moustache and a silver streak in their hair, was laughing his ass off.

“Hey, how about us four go and join the queue to sing a song?” Emile asked, pulling Logan’s attention back to the conversation.

“Um, no. No no. I thought I didn’t have to sing, and I’m not going to.”

“Hm... Not even if it were Hamilton?” Remy smirked. “Rap and history? I mean... there are four of us. Three Schuyler Sisters and one Aaron Burr.”

Logan considered for a moment, before sighing. “I dunno... I mean, you know how I am in front of crowds. There’s a reason I joined the astronomy club at high school and not the debate club, despite my talent in debating. I just don’t like having so much focus on my bo... on me.”

Emile, Remy and Ethan shared glances, seeming to have a silent conversation. They then proceeded to finish their drinks, before all standing up. Before Logan could ask what was going on, he was pulled to his feet and started to be pulled through the bar by his friends.

“Um, guys, what are you doing?”

“We’re gonna help you get over your confidence issues,” Remy replied as they joined the short queue for the karaoke machine.

“Huh? What, no, I can’t-“

“Lo, you shouldn’t let your body hold you back,” Emile comforted. “There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfect the way it is.”

“Wha-what? I’m not insecure about my body...”

None of the others were buying it. Logan sighed. “Okay, maybe I am a little... Okay, a lot. But I don’t think this is going to work. It’s too much at once!”

Ethan shrugged. “It’s best to face your fears before they become a phobia. You got this, Lo. We’ll be up there with you.”

Logan didn’t look so sure. But, unfortunately, he didn’t get long enough to find a good time to run away, as soon, he found himself stood with a microphone in hand, eyes on him and his friends.

Oh god.

Emile was scrolling through the karaoke machine, looking for the song. Eventually, with an “Aha!” he found it. “Ready, guys?”

Remy and Ethan nodded, and Logan took a deep breath. No way he was getting out of this now.

Emile pressed play on the song, and the instrumental of Schuylar Sister began. Ethan came in a moment later, singing Burr’s part. There was a “whoop!” from the crowd, specifically from the guy who had been singing Can You Feel the Love Tonight. Guess he was a Hamilton fan.

While Ethan rapped, Emile whispered, “Lo, you’re Angelica, I’m Eliza, Rem, you’re Peggy.”

Before Logan could protest, he had to come in singing. He took a deep breath as Ethan finished his first part, before coming in.

At the start of the song, he was tense, and held back. But as time went by, he just kept telling himself to pretend he was just singing with his friends and the crowd wasn’t there. He started to loosen up, and stop holding back.

The end of the song seemed like it came too soon. Usually, when he did have to do something in front of a crowd, time felt like it slowed, not sped up.

When the song finished, applause rang out, and Logan smiled... before hurrying off back to the table. The quicker he got out of the limelight the better.

The others followed behind.

“Lo, that was awesome!” Emile grinned. “You were great! Feel more confident now?”

“Not at all.” Logan went to take a seat before pausing. “I probably shouldn’t have the rest of my drink. There’s a chance it’s been drugged.”

“Good call. I’ll get us another round.” Ethan turned and headed to the bar.

“In the meantime, Em, how about we do a duet?” Remy suggested, wrapping an arm around Emile’s waist. Emile giggled.

“Steven Universe? Something Entirely New?”

“Sounds perfect.” Remy pecked his boyfriend’s lips, before the two went back to the queue for the karaoke machine.

And so, Logan was left alone at the table. It may have felt terrible, having his body shown off to everyone as he sung - he should have worn his baggy sweater - but he was glad he did it. Singing with his friends had been fun, as much as he would have preferred they had done it at a karaoke place with a private room.

At least it was something he could knock off the bucket list. He’d done it once, he didn’t need to do it again.

He rolled up the sleeves of his flannel shirt, starting to get a little hot. He didn’t want to take it off so he was just in the tank top he was wearing underneath though. Too exposed for his liking...

He didn’t pay much attention to the singer after they had gone up, but the one after that drew his attention. He recognised the drum beat as the song began: Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen.

However, as the guy started singing, Logan’s whole attention was brought to it. You see, the guy singing got the words wrong. He didn’t sing ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’. He sang ‘Fat Bottomed Guys’.

Logan turned to look at the stage. The guy there was the moustached doppelgänger of the guy who’d sung Can You Feel the Love tonight.

And he was looking right at Logan as he sung.

As the two made eye contact, the singing guy sent Logan a wink. Logan felt his face heating up at this. No way. This was not happening. This guy was not singing about him. He probably just misheard the lyrics, and the wink was probably just an acknowledgement due to making eye contact.

But, nope, as the chorus came round again, and the guy sung the words ‘Fat Bottomed Guys’.

Logan didn’t know what to say or do. This guy was literally flirting with him through song.

Now that Logan thought about it, he’d never been flirted with before. No one was really interested in chubby guys. He had no idea what you were supposed when you’re being flirted with. Run? That seemed like the best option right now, just run away and avoid this whole situation.

Oh no. He couldn’t. The guy had finished the song and was walking up to him.

Logan felt his face getting hotter and hotter as the guy came closer. Oh god, he was really cute. His hair was messy, but it was a messy that actually looked good. His eyes were a bright emerald, and had a slim yet toned frame.

“Hey,” the guy smiled, holding out his hand. “Remus Duke. Nice to meet ya.”

Logan took Remus’ hand, shaking it. “Um, Logan Berry...”

“You know, I must say...” Remus took a seat opposite Logan. “That was the best performance of Schuyler Sisters I’ve ever heard. And I saw it on Broadway. You’re really talented.”

Logan felt his face somehow even heat up even more, like it was going to burst into flames in any second. There was no way this was happening, no way this was real. “O-okay, you can stop now...”

Remus’ eyebrows furrowed. “Stop what...?”

“This! Pretending you think I’m hot or whatever. I get it, ‘haha, look at that guy, he’s fat and lonely, let’s try and get his hopes up and then bring them crashing down so he starts crying and makes a complete fool of himself’. I’ve seen through your charade, you don’t have to keep it up.”

Remus looked horrified at this. “Jesus Christ... Who the fuck’s done that to you in the past? I need their names and addresses so I can knock them out with the morning star I stole from a museum.”

“...What?”

“It’s actually a really funny story. Me, my twin, Roman, and his boyfriends were at the museum, I started to get a little pissed at being a third- well, I guess fourth wheel, actually-”

“No,” Logan cut over him. “Um, sorry, I wasn’t saying ‘what’ to that... though I’m kind of interested now. I meant more, ‘What? You’re actually serious about this?’“

“Well, yeah, of course. I’m only a dick to my friends, not complete strangers. Plus, do you think I’d put in the effort of singing an entire song for a joke?”

Logan shrugged. “One guy went to the effort of pretending to be bi, asking me out to prom, rigging the ballot so I got picked as prom king, and - I can only assume he’d either read or watched Carrie recently - dumped pigs’ blood over me. Claimed it was the ‘last thing I needed to complete my transformation into a pig’. He was arrested, of course, but it’s safe to say, I’m glad to be out of high school.”

“...Jesus.”

“Yeah... You’d think I was the only fat person in school. I wasn’t, I was just the only one who wasn’t confident about my body, so I was an easy target...”

“Gosh...” Remus could hardly believe what he was hearing. “I’m so sorry... You must have gone to a horrible school.”

Logan shrugged again. “It wasn’t the school itself, just the other students. I had good friends to help me through, though.”

“That’s good. And, it makes you feel better, having more body fat doesn’t make you a pig. If anything, I’m the pig. My room has been called a sty on multiple occasions.” He paused as Logan giggled a little. “Nah, body fat just makes you softer, which means you give better cuddles. You’re like a teddy bear! Everyone loves teddy bears.”

Logan smiled a little, blushing. “Thanks..’”He paused. “Oh god, I just realised I’ve been venting my past trauma to a complete stranger... I’m so sorry, I-“

“No, no, it’s okay,” Remus reassured. “I get it. I didn’t exactly have the greatest childhood experiences either. Parents divorced when I was young when my dad realised he was gay. Roman stayed with Dad, Mom dragged me off with her. She was pretty neglectful, so I ended up a little messed up... She couldn’t handle me and dumped me back with dad just before my freshman year. I didn’t fit into the happy trio that was my dad, his new husband, and Roman. I just had to force my way into a gap in the puzzle that didn’t exist... But the point is, I understand your pain, and I don’t blame you for wanting to vent it out.”

Logan smiled a little. “Thanks...” He looked over to the table where Remus’ twin was standing up. “I’m guessing you and Roman managed to find a way to get along again.”

“Yep. Which was, honestly, surprising. I think it’s his boyfriends. Patton’s making him more kind and open, and Virgil’s making him realise dark and edgy can be cool.”

“Remus!” Roman called. “We’re heading off! Come on!”

“What?! But the night’s still so young!”

“And we’re also moving into our dorms tomorrow, we’re heading home!”

“Ugh, fine...” Remus stood up. He grabbed a napkin and pulled a pen from his pocket. He scrawled something down before sliding the napkin to Logan. “Call me, Teddy Bear.” With a wink, he turned and walked off.

Logan watched him walk away, before picking up the napkin. There was Remus’ number, along with a message:

My Fat Bottomed Guy, you really do make the rockin’ world go round ;)

- The Duke

Logan smiled, face flushing. He slipped the napkin into his pocket, tucking it in properly so he wouldn’t lose it.

Ethan came back over, drinks in hand. As he put them down, he noticed Logan’s expression. “What’s got you all red in the face?”

“Oh, um, it’s probably just the drinks,” Logan responded. “You know I’m a bit of a lightweight.”

“We’ve been having non-alcoholic drinks. We’re underage.”

“... Right. I’ve been having Coke, and you know I am a sugar lightweight. I’ve probably just got a bit of a sugar high.”

“You have the biggest sweet tooth known to man, you have sugar all the time and never have a sugar high. But you obviously don't want to tell me the truth, so I won’t pry.”

“Thanks...”

Logan looked around his half of the dorm room, fully decorated and all his stuff put away. Yes, this was adequate.

He sat down on his bed. This was going to be his home for the next four years. Well, unless he moved out to live off campus with some friends in later years, which he likely would. It depended how long his he and his friends would be able to tolerate their roommates.

His eyes wandered to his desk. Led there was the note from the night before, Remus’ number as well as the message from him on it.

Logan stood up and stepped over to his mirror. He lifted his shirt, exposing his belly. He poked and prodded at his fat.

What did that man see in him? In this? How on Earth could someone be attracted to him? He was a pig. A whale. A-

“Huh. Well, isn’t this a nice coincidence. Hey, Teddy Bear.”

Logan turned around, eyes widening. His roommate placed the box on his bed before turning back to Logan. Remus smiled. “You know, a crop top would be a good look for you.”

Logan’s face flushed a little, pulling his shirt back down. “You’re my roommate, huh?”

“Looks like it. Which, I must say, is a great turn of events, wouldn’t you say?”

Logan hummed. “If you hadn’t told me yesterday that you often leave your room a pig’s sty, maybe I’d agree with you.”

“Damn! Didn’t know you were sassy as well as cute. And judging by your decor, smart too. You’re the whole package. How has no one snatched you up yet?”

The other boy’s face heated up more. “I guess most people just focus on my exterior instead of my personality. And those who don’t mostly just think I’m a nerd.”

“And those people are asshole,” Remus responded, hanging up one of his posters which appeared to be for a very gory comic book.

Logan smiled. “Can I just ask... ‘The Duke’?”

“I know. Cool nickname, huh?” Remus replied, causing Logan to roll his eyes. He then continued, “Say, Lo, me Ro, Pat and Virge were all gonna head out tonight. Heard the bar’s having another karaoke night, and all college students get a happy hour deal. Two for one on all drinks. You and your friends oughta come along.”

Logan considered it, before nodding. “Yeah. That sounds like fun. Well, as long as we don’t stay out to late. Classes start tomorrow after all.”

“Sweet. I already can’t wait.”

Remus was the first to go up and sing a song that evening when they were at the bar. He and Logan had been conversing happily and getting to know each other better until then.

Now Remus was gone in the queue, he turned to the other conversations at the table. Roman and Ethan were talking about their favourite musicals - turns out they were both theatre majors. Patton and Emile were talking about cartoons, and Remy and Virgil were complaining about their roommates to each other.

The two friend groups meshed together really well, you could hardly tell this was their first days meeting. It was nice to see.

“Looks like it’s Remus’ turn,” Roman pointed out, drawing everyone’s attention to the front of the bar.

Remus scrolled through the songs. He finally found the one he was looking for, selecting it. As the instrumental began playing, he sent a wink to Logan, before singing.

“I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can’t deny! When a guy walks in with a chubby soft waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung!”

Logan’s face burned. He honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both.

The others at the table had obviously chosen the first option.

“Damn, Lo, didn’t know you had a secret admirer,” Ethan smirked.

“Wouldn’t exactly say that’s secret,” Virgil replied.

Logan sighed, but couldn’t help but smile.

That mess of a human singing to the room right now would be his roommate for the next few years.

And honestly? Logan couldn’t be happier about that.

----------

General taglist: @tacohippy56900 @ibasicallyjustreblogeverything @pollylittlehigher-littlelower

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gabeswritingthingy · 4 years ago

Text

A Slice of Life in Space (Sample Work, Short Story)

Log Entry – 07.05.2050

Everyone on Earth saw it with their own eyes. Yesterday’s events will not be forgotten for a long time. For my part, I saw it while I was preparing pasta for my dinner. At 8:00 pm last night, the moon exploded. The blast was so strong the shockwaves could be felt here on the planet, which resulted in a short 2.5 magnitude earthquake. Thankfully, little to no damage was caused. It also didn’t produce any casualties, either - at least if you don’t consider my carbonara a casualty, because one of the moon chunks fell on the damned thing just as I was about to eat it. Instead, I carefully put on my gloves and placed it in an airtight container immediately. I called my boss and told him about the incident, all worried. She assured me that they have prepared for such an eventuality and have begun The Lunar Restoration Program as we spoke. Since the advancement of technology has come so far, the astronauts at the United Global Space Station had no trouble replacing the damaged 75% of the moon almost instantaneously by getting a clean sample of a moon rock, cloning it, then reattaching it to the rest of the moon on a molecular level. The actual problem, my boss said, is figuring out what caused the moon to explode in the first place.

I also asked her if moon dust is safe for the human body to consume in the hopes that I can still eat my pasta, and she threatened me with bodily harm if I even thought of attempting to do what I wanted to do. I just hung up and went to bed, knowing the next day is gonna be busy.

As part of The Lunar Restoration Program, Stargazer Laboratories has now been tasked by the Global Alliance to find out the cause of the moon’s destruction. My boss, Dr. Valentina Petrova, will be the one leading this operation. I am quite excited to put my efforts toward solving this mystery because we may finally find evidence of intelligent life outside the universe; or maybe this is all a big conspiracy and an UGSS astronaut blew up the moon for their own self-interest. Whatever it is, it’s very exciting stuff.

My name is Dr. Leonard Anderson, and these personal log entries aim to narrate and catalogue what will happen as this operation is going on. Although I do want to emphasize that this is still kinda like my own personal journal, in case this mission blows up in our faces – figuratively or otherwise – and the journalist, historian, or whoever finds this is baffled by the loose language and unnecessary details that will be seen here. So yeah, that’s it. Can’t wait for tomorrow.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 07.06.2050

Crazy stuff, you guys. The astronauts finally flew in all the chunks that came off the moon for analysis. I also gave them my pasta-stained space rock, as it is still apparently valuable. We also interviewed the astronauts working on the space station that day. They told us that they found no traces of radiation after the explosion, so the use of nuclear weapons is out of the picture. They also found no radio signals or transmissions presenting threatening messages coming from outer space or planet Earth minutes before the event, so there is no evidence of human or alien intervention. Not yet, anyway.

The actual analysis of the moon rocks had revealed little, but what we did find out was interesting nonetheless. We found small traces of purple slime in the craters and small crevices, including the ones in my rock pasta. Finding the damn things took all day because there were a lot of chunks we had to go through and we only found a few traces of it. As of today, we have no idea if it was synthesized in the moon naturally, or someone put it there. We called it a day after that. Chemical analysis will be done tomorrow.

After a long, boring day of getting purple goo out of moon rocks, I finally went to see the Hamilton premiere on Mars with Paolo, Sigrid, and Jane. I don’t know them very well yet since they’re new additions to the team, but they seem cool from the first few hours I hung out with them, so I invited them to go with me. It’s amazing that Hamilton is still getting staged after 35 years, but it’s not very surprising, is it? Holy crap, I’m still getting chills when I watch it. What is amazing, however, is that we were able to see it on Mars at all. The planet was only colonized 10 years ago, and terraforming only started two years after that. We’re only half-way finished with the terraforming, but a fully-functioning atmosphere has already been built, and a few thousand people are already living there, which is incredible. The musical is still awesome whatever planet you stage it on, though. The production turned off the artificial gravity and took advantage of that to its fullest when it came to the choreography. It’s even more amazing than when I saw it back when I was a teenager.

What’s even more amazing, however, is the fact that our boss was also there. Seriously. Because we didn’t think that Dr. Petrova, the scary, muscular Russian lady who looks like she bench-presses bears as a hobby, is a fan of musical theater. We almost snuck out undetected, but she saw us. She invited us to have dinner with her, and we were honestly too scared to refuse.

But now, I am fascinated by her. My boss turns out to be a very chill lady. She has a deep, scary laugh, but that’s the only thing kinda scary about her, along with the muscles and the brooding attitude. So yeah, I guess we only found her scary because she’s our boss, and we never really thought of building a relationship with her outside of work. After that, we sang some zero-g karaoke and had a few drinks. Paolo, the little weakling that he is, vomited after two bottles. Puke is very gross when you look at it floating around. We flew him home after that and went our separate ways. This day did a lot of good easing my anxiety about this moon thing. But man, I am very tired.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 07.07.2050

Fucking hell, my head hurts. Wait. Why am I recording this right now? It’s only 3 am. What? Oh, damn, I’m still drunk. [snoring]

Holy crap, was this thing turned on all night? Alright. I am now fully awake and sober. I’ll record today’s events after work, as I always do.

[end of audio log]

We finally did chemical analysis on the purple slime. It has some properties that aren’t found on anything else on the planet, but it strangely bears some resemblance to nitroglycerin. Although because of its baffling chemical traits, it does not ignite when lit on fire. Something else probably detonated the slime, although we’re still not sure what it is.

The analysis almost didn’t happen, though. The samples went missing when work started in the morning. We were all frantic trying to find them. Then we found Paolo, bless his hungover ass, standing over the samples with a knife, a jar of peanut butter, and some bread. Dr. Petrova yelled at him, “THAT’S NOT GRAPE JELLY YOU DUMBFUCK!” and some Russian expletives I couldn’t understand. He jumped in surprise and fell on his ass, but otherwise he’s fine. He was sent home for the day because of his hangover. He didn’t eat the samples by accident, fortunately. I think the boss also didn’t punish him or anything, which is fair.

After that clusterfuck of a morning, work went smoothly. The analysis was done, and we found out what we found out. Work ended after that, because all of us were at a loss at what to do. It really seems like it’s an alien object, but we still can’t be sure. For now, we just put it inside the observation chamber. I immediately went home after because I didn’t really feel like hanging out. Solving a mystery’s just too exhausting sometimes, ya know?

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.08.2050

I stopped recording for several days after my last audio log because work had been long and busy. I only started again now because the experiments finally yielded results. Well, kind of.

Fucking scorch marks EVERYWHERE, y’all. After almost a month of nothing, the goo exploded again. I had to wake up at 6 am today because of that. My boss called me, absolutely frantic. I just thought that if SHE is panicking, then we are ALL panicking. I showered, got dressed, and ate breakfast in the span of ten minutes and immediately went to the lab like it’s the 2010’s and I had to go there by car because warp gates didn’t exist yet. THAT is how urgent the situation is.

What happened was that the alarms went off because the observation chamber blew up. All my friends and the boss were already there. We looked inside, and the samples got out of their glass cases, but not the room itself. Large-ass scorch marks were seen everywhere. Good thing the entire room is made out of titanium alloys.

Another look-around revealed that most of the room is now covered with purple goo, which means they somehow multiplied. It doesn’t complicate things at all. The security cameras also showed that nobody broke into the lab. An inventory of the items revealed that no equipment was stolen or messed with. Knowing that the observation chamber was still airtight, locked under heavy security, and nothing in it was actually broken, the only conclusion we came to is that the slime slipped through their cases, somehow ignited, then multiplied.

After cleaning up, we put all the slime in titanium-alloy boxes instead of glass ones. We cannot observe it properly that way, but we can’t take any chances, either. Letting it have even the slightest means of escape is dangerous. The only thing we can do for now is to continue analyzing while containing the rest.

We also managed to recover footage from the damaged security cameras inside the observation chamber. What we saw is kinda confusing, and we still don’t know what ignited the slime in the first place. It turns out that it kept exploding inside the glass case and somehow got bigger ang bigger until it got all over the chamber. The source of the explosion is still a mystery. More analysis will be done tomorrow. Hopefully some progress will be made.

Our boss wanted to hang out with us again, and we did not hesitate to say yes. There’s a meteor shower that’s gonna pass through the solar system today, and we can see it up close on Mars. We went there after work, and it was beautiful. The zero-gravity environment and protective force field around the planet allowed us to observe the meteors up close. None of y’all have lived at all if you haven’t seen comets changing colors and streaking through the darkness of space so close you can almost touch them. I haven’t seen such beauty since the first spacecrafts that landed on Mars was televised. Three of us saw Sigrid holding on to Paolo’s arm while they looked up, all mesmerized. Is she in love with him, or, knowing how much of a klutz he is, trying to stop him from careening over the observation deck by accident? We didn’t know. We just let them be.

After that, I realized I forgot my laptop in the lab. My boss said she’d go with me since she wanted to do some last-minute security sweeps and make sure the observation chamber wouldn’t explode again. All my friends went home and I went with my boss. She said she wanted to go there by spacecraft instead of warp gate because she wanted to take in the sights when we travel between Mars and Earth. Being that I have no plans and it’ll only take about an hour and a half anyway, I said sure, why not? She took her craft out of her bag, unshrunk it, and we set course for Earth.

There were some sights worth seeing, alright. Ever since humanity became capable of space travel 30 years ago, we developed a newfound appreciation for it. New quasars recently started to form between the empty spaces of Earth and Mars and I am ecstatic I live in a time I get to see them up close. Those beautiful gas clouds would eventually turn to stars and I cannot wait to see them.

I pondered a bit during that car ride. All this wouldn’t have happened if the planet didn’t get its shit together. 10 years before space exploration became a thing, Earth was on the brink of collapse. Thankfully, every country decided they had enough and actually worked together to finally put a stop to global warming. My parents said that to this day, they still can’t believe the sheer scale of unity that happened back then. From what I have read in history, I couldn’t believe it either. Holy crap, we can actually work together. All of those countries eventually became unified as the Global Alliance, one big-ass country with a big-ass, but more efficient government. All this happened a decade before I was born. I wish I could’ve seen it.

We finally got to the lab, and we did all the things we had to do. But my boss asked me if I can stay with her for a few minutes and have a couple of drinks. Turns out she has a secret stash stored in her office. It’s not late yet, so I said yes. I also wanted to know her better because she honestly seems cool.

We got to talking. I told her about myself; how I grew up in Washington, D.C., nearby what used to be NASA headquarters because my parents both worked there; how I saw the prototype for future spaceships being built; how all that inspired me to work in astronomy and join Stargazer Laboratories, all of it. To my surprise, she pressed further and asked me to tell her stuff about myself that has nothing to do with work or outer space or whatever. I mean… I guess she wants to be friends, too. Okay, sure.

Sorry to disappoint you, I told her, but there really is nothing else to tell. I can sing and play guitar a little bit, but I haven’t done those things in a long time because of work. They’re more of a hobby, really. She cut me off and told me that she actually kinda sings too, which just didn’t surprise me anymore considering she just seems like the type. I dunno, by this time I’ve just learned to throw away my initial impression of her that I got because she is clearly very different from the idea I had in my head. At this point, it’s getting very late, but we both didn’t care, so I just went ahead and asked her stuff about herself. She said she was born and raised in Russia, no surprise there. She also told me how her parents both worked in what used to be Roskosmos, the Russian space agency; how this also served as a catalyst for her to work in astronomy; and how she is also the eldest child, with four younger siblings. Now I know why she can lead a team so well. I thought this entire thing might be awkward at first, but man I am glad this happened. She gave me permission to call her Val outside of work, so I guess we cool now. We finally went home after a few hours. I should stop now. I still have work tomorrow.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.09.2050

As I predicted, I woke up super late this morning; 20 minutes before work started, in fact. It’s times like these I am very grateful for the existence of warp gates. I managed to prepare my tired ass in 10 minutes and get to work. I thought that would be the worst thing that’ll happen today. I still wish that I was right.

I got to work without incident. We conducted more chemical analysis on the definitely alien goo. Yeah, the others say there isn’t enough evidence, but I’m calling it right now; it definitely is. While in the middle of analysis, the power suddenly went out for a few seconds before turning on again. We checked the wiring and the generators after that happened; there was nothing wrong with them. Out of suspicion, I placed an EMP detector in the middle of the room and confirmed that there was an electromagnetic pulse that burst out in that spot — the exact spot where the purple slime was. We immediately contained it in the titanium-alloy box, and then I passed out.

I woke up in an ambulance, but thank heavens I was well enough not to go to the hospital. From what Val and the others told me, the slime exploded again the second we contained it. It was strong enough to break it open, which just gave me a lot of anxiety. Fortunately, it absorbed some of the impact and we were all just knocked out. Some of us have a few bruises — I have one on my left side right now — but aside from that, none of us were badly injured. We didn’t break any bones or anything like that. Aside from broken glass, shattered microscopes, and other things, none of our equipment was badly damaged. The construction crew said everything can be fixed by tomorrow, so most of us just went home early.

Jane went home because she can’t walk very well, but I saw Sigrid and Paolo going somewhere together. I am very sure they didn’t go home; not very surprising from what we’ve seen a few days ago. I also planned on going home, but Val asked me to hang out with her for some reason if I was feeling well. I said yes, since I can still walk fine and all.

She insisted on driving me there instead of just using a warp gate. I saw extreme excitement in her eyes, so I said yes out of curiosity. She said the trip would take about two hours, so I took a nap. I woke up and, to my surprise, we’re nearing Mars. I thought we were going to your house, I asked her. She said yes. Silence hung in there for a bit, then I realized. I mean, while I am kinda surprised that she lives on Mars, it still wasn’t that surprising. She seemed like the sort of person who would do it. But it turns out the surprise does not and there.

I got to her house, and my jaw dropped all the way to the floor of her spacecraft. It looked real fucking amazing. It was a behemoth of a structure. The middle looks like two giant gears. Surrounding it was what basically looked like a bunch of giant spears jutting out of the ground. The most insane part, however, was that the entire thing was made of glass. All of it. Made of glass. Oddly enough, it looked familiar, too; then it hit me. It looks exactly like the glass structure thingy Doctor Manhattan made in Watchmen! I said this to Val, and she looked quite surprised. She said that she planned it on purpose, and I was the very first to notice. Guess that’s another thing we have in common.

The landing bay was in the middle, so that’s where we went. The interior of her house — if you can call this thing a house — looks surprisingly normal. Well, normal for the head scientist of the world’s best space station, at least. It’s still big and all, but it doesn’t give off the scientist vibe. She took me to her living room surrounded top-to-bottom with bookshelves and a large-ass flatscreen TV. She served coffee, and we got to talking.

I saw her own copy of Watchmen and I lost my shit. It was a physical copy! The edges were a bit frayed, which showed that it was a well-read copy. She doesn’t keep it in a glass case because it’s a collector’s item or any of that bullshit, which is dope. Classics are meant to be read, not kept in a shelf to preserve it in “mint condition.” Physical copies of any books are rare these days — not that I’m complaining, since the almost non-existent use of paper did loads of good for the environment — but it’s still nice to see an actual book and not just a holographic facsimile. I saw her suddenly smiling at me like a maniac. “Nice to see you finally nerd out around me,” she said. “It’s nice that I can fully relax around you now,” I told her. She told me not to relax yet because she has a surprise.

She went into another room and gave me this huge box with wrapping paper. I stared at her like an idiot for a few seconds. She asked what was up, and then it occurred to me to look at the date. I felt like a moron in that moment and I told her why; I straight-up forgot it was my birthday today. Holy crap, I’m 30 years old already. She laughed at that. She laughed real hard. I mean, work’s just overwhelming and we might be dealing with eldritch alien horrors beyond our understanding, so it’s not surprising I forgot. After her fit, she finally handed me my gift. I opened it and my day got a whole lot better.

It was a Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure special edition boxed-set. All of the anime adaptations were in it, parts 1 until 10. It’s surprising Jojo even ended at all, but I guess even Araki had to retire at some point. Guess he’s not a vampire after all. But how did she even know I’m a fan? To answer that question, she told me how much I talked non-stop about Jojo back when we got drunk at that karaoke bar on Mars. She got it on video, even; although it was blurry as hell because she was also drunk. Damn, it turns out I talk a lot when I’m hammered. The party got started after that. She suggested we watch it together on her big-ass TV since she also hasn’t watched it in a long time, so we did. Holy crap, the animation looks better on a TV that large. Another fact about Val: she cooks a mean pasta.

After binging season 1, she told me to close my eyes for a bit. Guess the surprises weren’t over yet. I opened them after a few seconds, and my face suddenly got covered in chocolate icing. Turns out she secretly invited Jane and the others while I was distracted. We celebrated some more; we bungee-jumped off her balcony; we ate more food; we jammed to some songs, with me and Val singing some songs while I played guitar. We blended well when we sang some show tunes. It felt good to sing after a long time. I didn’t know that I missed it this much. I can definitely say this is the best birthday ever. Work begins again tomorrow. But for now, I rest. Can’t wait to binge Jojo again after all this.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.10.2050

For the first time in a long while, we finally had a breakthrough! We had to finagle the experiment a bit to get there, too. We already tested for temperature and got no results; putting the goo through varying degrees of temperature does not do anything to it. Lighting it on fire doesn’t yield any results, either. Because of that, we thought that maybe it’s being ignited like an actual bomb by an outside force and not through natural means. The idea we came up with is to simply put a small radio transmitter inside the damn thing. Yup. That’s it. It seems too simple to work, but it surprisingly did.

The transmitter lit up five hours after we put it in. Holy crap, we were right! The goo is somehow receiving radio signals from somewhere we cannot locate. A few seconds later, it exploded inside the two layers of the titanium-alloy box we put it in, so we know that radio signals can pass through the box somehow. I’m quite relieved and excited by this because it means two things: we’re just dealing with a criminal with sophisticated equipment and not extraterrestrial forces or whatever, and the solution to this won’t be too difficult. We just have to track the signal with better equipment, track down the criminal, arrest him and finally get some answers. After that, we put the goo back in the observation chamber with some signal jammers to ensure that it won’t ignite again.

I prepared to go home, since Jane and Sigrid are both sick so after-work hangout seemed impossible. But Val pulled me into her office. Paolo was also there, and apparently, he needs our help. He said that he and Sigrid finally became a thing a couple of days back, after almost a month of dating. Props to them. He said he hasn’t told her about it yet because it’s supposed to be a surprise; he plans on taking her to the restaurant peak of Olympus Mons tomorrow for dinner as their first actual date, and he needs us to take her there. Being the good friends that we are, we immediately said yes. He was so ecstatic he ran out the building skipping and yelling in glee. I was about to leave as well, but Val held me back. Okay, I guess she wants to talk a bit more.

She looked flustered as hell for some reason. I can tell she was blushing under the moonlight coming from her window. She kinda looked cute, actually. She said that it’s already been a month since we became friends, which was true. She also said despite it only being a month, a lot already happened and we were kinda close already and stuff, which was also true. I told her that yes, I also do think we grew closer in that time and that I think she’s really cool, especially after she threw me that surprise party. This was also the point that I asked her where she was going with this, and I am quite aware that I should’ve seen it coming. She told me she liked me for already quite a while now. It all started when I nerded out over her copy of Watchmen, she said, and that she’s been hinting at that the past few times we were hanging out. What I’m about to say next would be an approximation of the play-by-play of my thoughts during that moment and how I reacted: “She was hinting at it? How did I not notice? Am I that oblivious? More importantly though, do I like her back? I mean, she is cool. She lives on Mars on a giant glass mansion. She’s an anime fan, a singer, we click together. She’s a bit loud sometimes. She’s also assertive as a boss and a very chill person outside of work and I am definitely into that. She’s a very good leader and also a great friend and person so what do I really think--?”

That entire thought process went through my brain like lightning. My feelings for her immediately crashed down on me like a waterfall. It was insane. The reason my thoughts just stopped there was because I immediately kissed her suddenly, inside her dark office lit only by moonlight. I imagine she saw me blush after I pulled away. I profusely apologized after that and was almost out the door when I was cut off, this time by her kissing me back. Silence hung in the air for a minute after that.

So, she asked me back. “When did you start liking me?” I thought back, and I said it was probably the first time we drank in her office. We planned an actual date tomorrow, and we finally left the lab. I guess that’s that. I am quite surprised, although I know I shouldn’t have been. I went home feeling a bit giddy and at peace. I am gonna sleep well tonight.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.11.2050

[crying]

It’s been quite a long day. I… I’m not well. I’ll have to start from the beginning.

Work began normally, at first. When this day started, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I had a date after work and I was also gonna help my friends with theirs; I had things to look forward to. But that all changed, just like that. God, I can’t do this.

It all began when Val informed us that Jane had been missing since yesterday. She received a call from the police just this morning; apparently, it seems like someone broke into her house. Signs of a struggle can be found everywhere, and she’s nowhere to be found. So yeah, one can say it was a rough start. We went to work, hoping she eventually gets found.

The uh, the thing happened when we were supposed to start analysis again. Paolo and Sigrid went into the observation chamber to get the sample. The rest of us were setting up equipment when we heard the sound of metal tearing apart. We ran there as fast as we could; I wish I hadn’t got there first.

We were shocked to see Jane there, except by that point, she wasn’t even Jane anymore. Her red hair has been cut short; patches of bald spots could be found everywhere. There were cracks all over her face and body, all glowing purple. Her eyes were also glowing purple and [choking sounds] she was swinging a kitchen knife around. We tried to go in, but she ripped off one of the empty glass cases from the floor and threw it at us with ease. She screamed in a garbled voice that wasn’t hers and lunged at Sigrid with the knife. Paolo pushed her out of the way and he got wounded instead. Sigrid screamed in shock, but she suddenly got cut off when the creature held her on the neck and threw her at the wall head-first, instantly breaking her neck. I can still hear her screaming until now; the moment that scream suddenly got cut off for the last time is still fresh in my mind.

Before any more damage can be done, the creature suddenly collapsed. With all the commotion, we didn’t hear the alarm sounding and the police getting here. They said they used a small taser to take it down; when we investigated, we saw a small, circular thing around its neck. It was the size of a button and probably where the electric shock came from. We immediately worked with the police to restrain the creature, being that we had all the equipment we need. We contained it in a large titanium box, the ones used to transport dangerous criminals. The creature was also restricted in there by titanium straps around her forehead, waist, arms, wrists, legs, and ankles. As a final measure, the box also has electricity running through the outside so that it gets shocked when it breaks the restraints and tries to force its way out. The creature will be interrogated by all of us tomorrow. First, we took care of my friends and gave them a proper burial. After work, I just climbed up onto the roof of the building because the moon looked beautiful and I needed to be alone. Turns out Val had the same idea. We just sat there, alone, not saying anything. Eventually, we just cried with each other for God knows how long until our tear ducts simply dried out. Knowing I can’t bear to be alone right now, I invited her to sleep at my house. She agreed, and we went home.

She’s asleep right now, as I’m recording this. That’s where my life is at, I guess. We’re one step closer to solving this mystery, but my friends have died. That’s simply not fair. [choked sobs] God, I’m gonna miss them so much. We’ve been through a lot now, even though we’ve known each other for only a few months. I hope the creature that took my friend’s body gives us what we need tomorrow. I hope it pays dearly for what it did. [crying]

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.12.2050

Just came back from the interrogation today. I won’t record much. I feel a bit sick to my stomach from what I’ve just heard, and I don’t think it’ll go away soon. I’ll just listen to the audio log of the interrogation the ICD was kind enough to share with us.

[end of audio log]

Interplanetary Crimes Division

Interrogation Audio Log #48783

This is Detective Charles Chapman speaking for the Interplanetary Crimes Division offices located in Tromsø, Norway. Just yesterday, one of the scientists at Stargazer Laboratories had brutally murdered two other scientists there and had also caused significant damage to some equipment. Considering that the perpetrator seemingly has inhuman strength, glowing skin, and other physiological anomalies that cannot be found in other human beings, the possibility that the perpetrator is no longer human but merely an empty shell being used is being considered as a possibility. The creature is now properly restrained inside a titanium box with titanium straps. The cage is also lined with electricity and is inside a forcefield. The interrogation will be conducted with me outside the forcefield; communication will only be done through wireless communicators.

Detective Chapman: Who are you?

The Creature: [silence]

DC: Do you have a name?

H: I am called Helvig, but my people have given me the moniker of The Oncoming Storm, for all the planets I have brought destruction upon.

DC: If I recall correctly, your friends told me that your name is Jane.

Helvig: The one you call Jane is no more. What you see before you is nothing more than her empty body, hollowed out when I took possession of it.

DC: OKAY. I’m glad we cleared that up. I guess the next thing I have to ask is, how did you manage to infiltrate this planet?

H: I came here when I destroyed your moon using what you call the purple slime as my weapon. I hitched a ride inside one of the resulting debris then took possession of this biped’s weak body. Do you know how hard it is to control human brains? It took me almost a month to assert total dominance.

DC: Really? Well, if that’s the case, how come you’ve been able to manipulate your weapon before that?

H: I have been able to assert a tiny bit of control before, although this biped didn’t know it at the time. I’m just damned unlucky that the times I gained little authority over this body and attempted to kill you all didn’t amount to anything.

DC: I guess that answers that. So why are you here? Why this planet in particular?

H: Why do you think I am called The Oncoming Storm? I am here to bring destruction, nothing more.

DC: Now, why would you do that? Were you ordered to do so by your people?

H: My people are no more. My planet was destroyed when two stars near the place your people call the Kuiper Belt collided; the resulting supernova destroyed my home, and the blast was so strong it propelled my ship all the way to your moon. Had I not found this body to possess, I might have died. But I am here, and this planet shall be destroyed in the memory of my people.

DC: If I may ask again, why? What could the destruction of this planet possibly do for you?

H: Nothing! It will do nothing for me! My people are gone, and my planet is no more. Keeping up our tradition of destruction will be the only way of preserving their memory. After your planet, other ones that bear life will also fall by my hand.

DC: Well, thank you for answering my questions without any fuss. You are the politest criminal I have ever talked to; you know that?

H: Thank you, Charles.

DC: In return, I will extend the same courtesy; do not attempt to destroy this planet. Humanity has advanced beyond your imagination, and there are a lot of us. You will not succeed.

H: [laughter] None of you can stop me! The only reason I gave you information freely is because I know none of you will be able to do anything; you weaklings only managed to restrain me because my powers have not settled into this weak body yet! Give it a bit more time, and I will burn this place to the ground. After this, your planet comes next! [laughter]

I decided to end it there, because I’ve gotten all that I need. Orders from the top brass indicate that the next course of action to be taken would be a joint effort with Stargazer Laboratories to find ways to defeat this creature and save the planet.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 08.13.2050

I guess I was wrong. We are dealing with aliens. If not for what’s happened, I would be very happy right now. But not even getting a definitive answer to the question of “are we alone in the universe?” would excite me; especially because one of the answers to that question just killed three of my friends and is now controlling one of their dead bodies like a puppet. Work has been postponed due to the damages our lab has taken, so I honestly don’t know why I’m making the effort to record right now; it’s not like something’s gonna happen today, anyway. Maybe I just need to distract myself from the quiet.

I tried to distract myself by other means, of course. I attempted to binge that Jojo box set I have, but it didn’t work; memories of my surprise birthday party just resurfaced. It’s just too painful. [sobbing]

I… I can’t. I just… I just, can’t. It’s not fair! [crashing sounds] [crying] It’s not fa- [static]

[end of audio log]

There you go. So I, uh… I may have gone berserk earlier, but I’m doing kinda better now. I broke my audio log recorder, but I think I’ve fixed it. Before I stop though, something did happen today that’s worth recording, so… I’m glad for that.

After crying for I don’t actually know how long, somebody rang my doorbell. I looked through my security cameras and found Val standing in my doorway; which honestly came as a surprise, until it occurred to me that she probably wants to check how I’m doing. It stung a bit, knowing that I was too sad and didn’t even think about doing the same for her. I hastily prepared myself and went downstairs.

She looked kinda disheveled and sad, like she’s on a great rush to get here; she had that sad look on her eyes, too. But that’s hardly a surprise, is it? What was a surprise, however, was how beautiful she looked despite all of that. It just so happens that my house has an awe-inspiring view of the hills, and the sunset just happened to hit her as she stood by my door. My day got marginally better after that.

I let her in, and we talked. I asked her if she was okay, and she told me she’s holding up as well as I am, after a cursory look around the mess I made just before she showed up. My recorder was broken in some parts; furniture was everywhere; my glass table was in pieces, all that stuff. We sat in quiet for a while. She eventually told me if I wanted to have the date that we had to postpone two days ago. It took me about two full minutes to think about it, but I said yes; it looked like we both needed it.

We warped to the grassy, quiet park on Olympus Mons; I’m still amazed at how far humanity has gone in terraforming. She prepared a picnic and everything. I cooked some pasta, because of course I did I’m good at it, and I needed a win today. The whole thing wasn’t very eventful, but it was exactly what we needed. We talked, like we always talked. We looked down from the mountain we were on top of, and the view was exhilarating. We looked up, and stared in awe of the stars above us. We reminisced, and remembered the moments we had with them; how Paolo got drunk and vomited in zero gravity; how Sigrid bungee-jumped from the top of Val’s roof and the anti-climactic result of it as we remembered that the artificial gravity was turned off; how Jane accidentally got a face full of cake when I threw it at her; all these memories and others, we remembered last night under the stars on top of the tallest mountain on Mars. It stings, remembering them; but it’s also comforting, somehow.

The nature of our friendship was contemplated as well. If Earth didn’t get its shit together all those years ago, the Global Alliance wouldn’t exist today; all the space travel and huge technological leaps wouldn’t have happened, and travel between countries would still be a pain. We were lucky that we were all brought together in one place. Thinking about the unlikeliness of our friendship just made both of us sadder, considering what happened. We eventually got up and left the mountain.

One last thing we wanted to do before going home was to visit the places where they’re now buried. We already conducted a funeral for them after the creature got arrested and sent them back to their families, but we wanted to see them again, so we can properly say goodbye this time.

First, we warped our way to Brazil to visit Paolo. His family was there, watching over him. We quietly mourned with them for a few minutes, although it felt longer than that. We eventually gave our condolences and left. Our next stop was Sweden, where Sigrid is. No one was watching over her grave, but we did see a few freshly-lit candles around it. The cold winds were swirling all around us, but we hardly noticed them at all. We had no idea how long we stayed, but the cold did get to us eventually, and we left. Our last stop for the night was in Canada, Jane’s home. This visit just made us sadder because we know that her grave is empty; her family will never have a body to bury. No one else was there, which wasn’t strange, considering it’s almost midnight, but we weren’t alone for long when two young women came there; they were her two younger sisters, it turns out. They brought warm tea, and they were kind enough to share it with us. We talked, reminisced about the memories we have with her, and we mourned. Before leaving, Val and I promised them that while we cannot bring their sister back, we can put her to rest by putting the creature down permanently.

I brought her back to Mars. We said our goodbyes, kissed for God knows how long because we didn’t count, and we went home. I… I miss them. I miss them so damn much. [crying]

[end of audio log]

Stargazer Laboratories

Log Entry – 08.15.2050

[crying]

I’ll admit. Considering what I’m about to do, I am scared. I fear that I may not come back from this, but strangely, I am also at peace. This insane, dangerous plan has a high chance of success, and I am more than willing to do it. But first, let’s go back to the beginning.

Yesterday, I got a call from the ICD at 6 am telling me that the prisoner has escaped. Apparently, it got out of its restraints and simply destroyed both the cage and the forcefield using brute strength alone. The thing that is defiling my friend’s body got stronger, just like it said it would. It killed almost all of the police officers before everyone got out and put the building on lockdown. The entire building was then launched through the sky via rockets attached to the foundation as a last resort security measure; it is now floating just a little bit above the atmosphere, surrounded by a bigger forcefield. The creature will be kept in there, but not for long. I immediately prepared and went to the lab with the others; I imagine they got the same call.

We immediately started to formulate a plan to defeat the creature. According to the police, the forcefield will only last until about 4 am today until it runs out of power. There’s also the trouble of the creature getting even stronger than it is now, so we had to account for that, too. The only consolation we have is that it can only use its psychic powers to activate the slime and nothing else; it has to be near it, too. One of the police officers suggested that we simply just have the rockets push the building farther into space, but that was shot down; the rockets simply weren’t built for that, so it doesn’t have enough fuel. We also thought of just straight-up making the building explode, but Detective Chapman shot this idea down, too. Turns out he already fired a couple rockets at the creature and it simply kept walking, unscathed. Our last idea was to warp the entire building to the other end of the universe, but we realized it was also futile; warp gates were made with humans in mind. Creating one as big as a building has never been done before; it might collapse in on itself and implode, or create a black hole that will destroy the Earth. We came to the conclusion that there is only one way to solve this once and for all; one of us has to go up there and destroy the creature ourselves.

A drone was sent to fly near the building and investigate. The entire structure was reduced to rubble. The creature was jumping around, throwing large chunks of debris at the forcefield in an attempt to destroy it. That gave us the drive to really solve this as soon as possible. I remembered what the creature told us back then; how it got to Earth because a supernova propelled its ship here while it’s trying to escape. Then I had a crazy idea.

I told them that the energy of two collapsing stars was the only thing we know of that almost destroyed the creature; I remembered how it told us it was on the verge of death and only survived because it found a host. Then I told them my idea; find three stars that’s the nearest to Mars, put an artificial gravity drive between them, wait for them to move towards each other, then siphon off the energy from the resulting supernova into the engine of a laser cannon. This is the easy part. The next step is that said laser cannon with the energy of three collapsed stars now have to be attached to a spacecraft and fired directly at the creature. The resulting recoil may destroy said ship; or it won’t. This is something no one has actually done before, so none of us are quite sure how this will happen. None of us can come up with a new plan, so this is what we have to go with.

We found three stars near each other just beyond the outskirts of Mars. Siphoning off large amounts of energy in a supernova was terrifying, but not actually that difficult. I, and two other scientists, finished the job in just a couple of hours. Val and I worked together to design a laser cannon strong enough to handle the energy of three stars. The next thing we have to do now is to decide who’s gonna fly up there and do the job. The ICD can’t do it; only two of them are left. One has no combat experience, and the other is Detective Chapman, who’s simply too old for the job. We can’t ask for help from the military, or the other offices of the ICD, either. All of the warp gates in the lab had been damaged, and the personal warp gates we’re carrying had also been messed up due to the star radiation we had to work with. We’re all alone in this.

I looked around the room and realized that the only person who can do this is me. I told this to the others, and Val vehemently opposed it, as I expected. After a shouting match, I told her we just have to talk it out in private. It didn’t really work; we just shouted at each other louder since no one was around to hear us. We finally ran out of energy and just sat down.

So… yeah. After calming down enough to talk, she asked me why I thought I’m the only one who can do it. I told her it’s because I built both the cannon and the modified ship with her, so I’m the only one who can use them. I also want to be the one to personally put the creature down. She got angry at me, told me that she’ll be the one to do it instead, since she knows the machines as well as I do. I tried to talk back, but she was still so angry and started speaking Russian, like she always does when she’s mad. I did something I didn’t expect to do; I laughed. It was real, too. I haven’t had one like it in what feels like a long time. She started laughing, too. We just did that until we ran out of breath again.

I explained to her that this was exactly what she did when I asked her if I can eat my rock pasta; it was also what she did when Paolo almost ate the purple goo. I told her that I love this about her; how passionate and caring she is for the ones that she loves; how I do not want her passion to be snuffed out of this world too early; and how I am sure I am the only one who can do this because she can still lead Stargazer Labs further into the future. I told her how I wanted her to see Earth and the rest of humanity go further into the reaches of space. Finally, I told her the simplest and most important reason why it has to be me; I told her I love her. I love her very much and I cannot bear to see her die and that is why I have to do this. After that, we just broke down together. The tears just kept flowing. She told me she loves me, too. She told me she can’t bear to see me go, either, but I told her she has to go on. I told her again how the lab needs her, and after this, probably the world. We just kept quiet, savoring each other’s company for what might be the last time. We eventually slept for two hours, in each other’s arms. We got up and made the last preparations. We had another short meeting on how things would be done. I simply have to fly up there and aim directly at the creature. Sounds too easy, but we all know it isn’t. After saying goodbye to them, I excused myself for a bit and ended up here.

It is now 3 am, August 15, 2050. I will do what I need to do half an hour from now. From what we’ve seen of the drone footage, the forcefield will last until 4 am, as predicted. I wish I was recording this at home, using my own recorder, but I have no way to get there, so here I am, using the only functional one in the lab. I’m gonna end it here, so suffice it to say the next words I’ll be saying may be my last.

Val, I love you. I know you’re my boss, but I’m glad we did away with the professional awkwardness that might have arisen and just found the time to relax with each other. I am so happy that we met outside of work during that Hamilton premiere on Mars. I thought that I have what I wanted out of life, working in a space station; I am happy you were the one who proved me wrong. [crying] I love you, Val. If these are the last things I will ever say, then I want them to be these words. I love you, and I always will.

[end of audio log]

Log Entry – 10.15.2050

It’s been two months, Leo. Two months. Two long, agonizing months since you passed. [crying]

It’s still clear as day, what happened. I remembered the kiss we shared before you took off. I remembered seeing the blast from the cannon finally incinerate the creature after a minute. I remember how we cheered when we saw you succeed, then suddenly get silenced when your engine blew up. I remember being horrified seeing you fall back down to Earth, then zooming in on the cockpit and seeing you smile one last time before the drone was destroyed by the blast.

The charred remains of the ship landed just outside the lab. Although burned, you somehow managed to stay in one piece. After that, we did what we were supposed to do. We cleaned up the lab and the ship, and we had your funeral a few days later. I was the one who gave your eulogy, you know that? I hope you heard it, and I hope you liked it if you did.

This is the first time in a while I came back to Olympus Mons. I finally had the courage to go after hearing the message you left for me. Your parents let me have a copy of the other audio logs you did. I’ll admit, I haven’t been doing well in a while, but hearing your voice again really helped me.

I think it’s finally time. You said you wanted me to see space travel advance further, right? I already have an idea. Since we now know that life exists outside of Earth, I thought of how maybe we can come up with ways to reach them. I know the last species we interacted with almost destroyed us, but I know there’s more of them out there. Perhaps they are kinder. Perhaps they’re willing to break bread with us. I was thinking of calling it “The Cosmic Unity” project but it sounds too tacky, doesn’t it? I just hope I already have a proposal I can pass to the Global Alliance in a year or so. All of this is for you, Leo. All of it. It’s for the sake of the planet’s progress, too, but it is for you I do this, most of all. [sobbing]

I love you, Leo. I love you more in every day that passes.

[end of audio log]

#short story #writing

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toniwilder · 6 years ago

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The Melody of Memory

They say that our sense of smell is what we link closest to our memory. Who is they? They means a collective whose opinion I need to serve my monologue. Don’t worry, we won’t sit on them long.

I’d say that’s fair. People enter rooms when the first rainfall of April hits, when the clouds are hanging heavy over the city, and say, “Smells like spring.” They know that because it smells like all of their other springs, I’d assume. I can only assume since I didn’t have a sense of smell growing up.

I broke my nose as a young girl with a penchant for falling into things. I hadn’t become familiar with the phrase “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” so the broken nose didn’t get fixed. I grew up with a gag of bone spurs forming in my nostrils until my nose went crooked. I entered all my milestones with one sense missing, the one we overlook that we’re supposed to use as the anchor for our memories.

The wise and convenient They say that your senses compensate for the ones that need a little help. You focus in on the senses you have instead of those you don’t in order to paint a brighter picture; like Van Gogh working with blues and yellows so brilliantly with an obvious distaste for the reds. My brain saw that missing deck of cards and said, “Well, okay, I suppose music will have to do.”

My dad had a penchant for old country on long road trips—a mixed tape that played the same dozen tunes over and over until my mom and brother were hitting their foreheads against the car window and contemplating jumping off onto the shoulder of the I-75 in search of quiet. The car ride probably smelled like cigarette smoke, but I only remember mono crooning by dead men. If I hear “North to Alaska” the chills picket along my arms until I roll my shoulders back, and it sends me deep into memories like I’m eleven all over again.

Songs of the summer are different. Which summer? Do we mean the summer where I used little pink cassette tapes to record my favorite Hilary Duff song off the radio and screamed when the DJ talked over the first word nearly every single time? Or do we mean the summer where I decided I never needed to see the sun again, so my mom shoved me outside and locked the door behind me with only my MP3 player and a bottle of water to keep me entertained so I didn’t get sick from a vitamin D deficiency? We probably don’t mean the summer where I decided I was really into poetry and wrote a lot of prose in my Hello Kitty notebook about how nobody understood my angst to the sound of My Chemical Romance in my bright yellow, Pikachu decorated bedroom.

When I was twelve years old I became obsessed with Antonio Banderas over my school’s Christmas break. It hit me suddenly and without warning, after dad recorded Desperado on the DVR. In the first scene, Antonio appears on screen playing a melancholy guitar while the opening credits roll. He then proceeds to sing—a song I didn’t understand a lick of because it was in Spanish—hit a guy over the head with a guitar, and walk across a bar top. You know, normal stuff.

As prone as I am to exaggeration, I need to stress how I am not fibbing any numbers when I say I rewatched Desperado over Christmas break at least three times a day. Of those three times, I would rewatch that credits scene five times during each watching.

If you aren’t a fan of math, and I can’t blame you, I watched the opening credits scene during these rewatches at least fifteen times every day. Remembering that Christmas break is two weeks, approximately fourteen days, and that I watched it for the first time on my second day of break, that means I watched the opening credits scene of Desperado, directed by Robert Rodriguez, Starring Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, and Steve Buscemi, directed in 1995, at least one hundred and ninety-five times over that break alone. That’s nearly nine hours of me listening to Cancion del Mariachi. I didn’t have a lot of hobbies.

Why am I specifying this? I’m specifying this because when I say, “this is the sound of Christmas,” and I take the auxiliary cord away to play a mariachi ballad from a movie released in 1995, that you understand what that means. Christmas doesn’t smell like cold, dry air. Christmas sounds like Antonio Banderas. It also sounds like my parents saying, “I’m going to delete that movie off the DVR if you don’t go out with your friends in the next three days.” They never deleted it. I now own five copies of Desperado in every available format.

When I turned sixteen, I got a nose job. I look about the same, minus the bump in my profile. I got it because I guess the summation of moments of me telling my parents, “I can’t smell,” had totaled up to a level that warranted a doctor’s visit. The doctor took one look at my nasal passages, said, “oh yeah, this sniffer is broken,” and then there I was: A sixteen-year-old with a nose job. Admittedly, I think he could have done a better job, but I didn’t say anything. I can’t do anything about it now, because his license was revoked after killing a patient in surgery. I also can’t tell you what that memory sounds like, because it’s not a song and it’s just a long list of curse words, but I digress.

I went to college shortly after. The beginning of college sounds like the fight song, which just thinking about gets it stuck in my head. It sounds like a cacophony of white noise in an auditorium where I’m another face in the crowd. It sounds like my first roommate crying herself to sleep. There was something prophetic in us having the same first name.

I think the scariest part is when college doesn’t sound like anything anymore. I can tell you what it felt like: it felt like eating five hundred calories a day out of the recommended twelve hundred, going weeks without talking, and watching the same episode of Kitchen Nightmares over and over because my depression was so heavy I couldn’t remember what I’d just watched. It felt like there was some kind of creature in my chest trying to crawl out from my sternum.

I don’t remember what I listened to towards the end. I just remember feeling alone.

The kicker is that I have never listened to music more than during my undergraduate experience. I listened to it on every walk to class from my dorm or my apartment. I listened to it when I got home, until I went to bed, and then immediately when I woke up the next morning.

I remember none of those songs. Not even the ones I listened to when a classmate followed me to the bus every day and waited for me to get on. Not even when he shoved other men aside to sit next to me so he could put his hand on my thigh. I remember blasting my music like a Bose speaker for a theater’s grand auditorium, yes, but nothing sunk in. I was a quicksand of stimulation, where my brain absorbed and disintegrated everything around me until the entire experience became a fog.

That’s four years of silence in my brain that I can’t account for. It rocks me more than knowing I had sixteen years of no smell. I hadn’t known what wasn’t there before, and retrieving my sense of smell before going to college hadn’t exactly been the best timing. A girl’s dorm isn’t much better than the boys. People need to be chased with Lysol in nearly every context, especially when their parents aren’t there to do it for them.

I graduated in four years somehow, with a psych degree that hadn’t helped me self-diagnose my own massive depression. I came home with a piece of paper with my name on it, drove with the radio on high while it rained. I remember it rained, I remember thinking it was poetic. I remember the tornado sirens and thinking, “Not yet. Not after I just got done.” I’m motivated solely by spite.

Coming out of my depression is marked by a lot of songs in minor key sang by guys with surly attitudes. Songs about long ways down and acid rain and being dead inside. The kind of playlist that got my friends asking, “Hey, you okay?”

I remember them, so I guess I was.

I used to sing all the time. I went to contests, I tried to start a band. It hadn’t been any good, but I had drive and naivety to back me up. I stopped for a long time during the fog. I hadn’t realized I’d come back up for air until I was in the car on my way to class trying to rap to a Broadway musical about Alexander Hamilton. It sounded like winter again, with me taking long drives to early morning work shifts. I didn’t like my job, but I remember it. I remember listening to classic rock while I did data entry, with Alice Cooper in the background of my keystrokes. I remember the trees were dead outside, my coat was green and littered with dog hair. I remember laughing more. I remember eating again.

I remember music.

#toni writes original #memoir writing #contest entry

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hamiltrashitty · 7 years ago

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Burn. Pt 1 (Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader)

Okay, first of all, over 300 followers? Y’all, really? I honestly don’t deserve it omg like I hardly post?? But ty guys so much!

Summary: You have to perform one last time as Eliza after Lin cheats on you.

Warnings: Angst, Cheating Mentions, Sadness

Note: Sections in italics are flashbacks!

Next Chapter

It’s been a week since you found out Lin, your boyfriend of three and a half years, had been cheating on you with some girl from his high school. You caught him meeting with her at a cafe and you confirmed that he was cheating after they shared a kiss. He didn’t know that you knew, and you planned to keep it that way until your last performance as Eliza at his hit show “Hamilton”.

The plan was simple; to announce your departure from the musical during the final bow and expose Lin. You knew the he had a lot of fans who believed that he was this “innocent cinnamon roll who needs to be protected” when he was the complete opposite.

On the day of your final performance, you told the people you were closest with (Renee, Ant, Jazzy, Daveed, Chris, and Oak) that you were leaving. They were sad to find out, but when they learned the reason, they were both understanding and very angry. Chris screamed at Lin louder than usual while telling him to go home in “Meet Me Inside”. Daveed and Oak made sure to be extra harsh towards Lin while playing Jefferson and Madison. When it was time for Burn, you put all your emotion into it.

“I saved every letter you wrote to me,” you sang. “From the moment I read them I knew you were mine, you said you were mine, I thought you were mine.”

“Hey Y/N, can I tell you something?” You looked at Lin confused.

“Uh, sure?”

“You blow me away,” he winked. It took a moment for you to get the pick up line before you chuckled.

“Hey Lin, can I tell you something?” He raised a brow.

“Yeah?”

“You blow me away too.” That’s when it began.

“Do you know what Angelica said, when we saw your first letter arrive? She said, be careful with that one love. He will do what it takes to survive.”

Jazzy was happy for you once you told her, but was a little skeptical.

“Really Y/n? That’s great, but I thought he was seeing this girl Vanessa,” Jazzy told you. That should have been a red flag.

“I don’t think so,” you scratched the back of your head. “I mean, I’ve known Lin for a long time and he isn’t the cheating type. Maybe they’re just friends?”

“You’re right, you’re right. Lin would never cheat!” Wrong.

“I’m rereading the letters you wrote to me. I’m searching and scanning for answers in every line, for some kind of sign, of when you were mine,” you tried to hold back the tears that threatened to pour out of your (E/C) eyes. “The world seemed to, burn.”

You were walking by the cafe that you met Lin at when you noticed him through the window. He was with another woman, laughing and talking. In the same exact spot, just like he had down with you. They were on the same side of the booth, sitting close together. He whispered something in her ear and she laughed. She looked so beautiful. But you didn’t want to believe that he was cheating. That was until they kissed. You stared at them in disbelief.

Lin, a man who you’ve gone through so much with, was cheating on you with a woman who turned out to be his high school crush. You were pushed out of your thoughts as someone brushed past you. You looked back at them one last time before speed-walking off.

“Do you know what Angelica said, when she’d read what you’ve done? She said, you have married an icarus. He has flown too close to the sun.”

“He did what?!” Renee hissed. Jazzy placed a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down.

“I can’t believe it either,” you admitted. “I mean, things were going so well between us. In fact, I thought that he was planning to propose soon.” Jazzy shook her head.

“Well now we know what kind of person Lin really is,” she grumbled. You nodded solemnly.

“Just wait until Pippa hears about this!” Renee growled. Before you could answer, you heard the call for places. You smiled at them sadly before walking up to your place.

“You forfeit the right to my heart!” you practically screamed. “You forfeit the place in our bed! You sleep in your office instead! With only the memories of when you were mine!” You turned to the side where Lin was standing. He gave you a thumbs up but you only glared at him hatefully.

“I hope that you, burn!” You snatched the lamp and stormed backstage.” Lin tried to talk to you but you pushed him away. He sighed as he walked off to sing his part in “Blow Us All Away”. During “It’s Quiet Uptown”, you didn’t take his hand. You only looked at him in disappointment with tears in your eyes. He knew something was up and when he tried to talk to you about it, you scoffed and walked away.

When everyone got in a line for the final bow, you of course bowed with them and afterwards you stepped forwards. After the clapping had died down, you started to speak.

“I’m leaving the show,” you announced. You heard some gasps, a few of them from behind you. “I’ve made many good friends here, friends that I’ll love forever.” You turned around to see a surprised Lin.

“I also met the man who would shatter my heart to pieces,” you turned back around to face the audience. “I cannot work beside someone who betrayed me and broke my trust. Thank you all for being so wonderful and I hope you enjoyed the show.” You picked up your dress and speed walked off the stage. You grabbed your things as quickly as you could, ignoring Lin’s calls.

“Y/N, wait! Let me explain, please!” You whirled around.

“There’s nothing for you to explain. I know what you’ve done Lin-Manuel, and now everyone else does too.”

“Y/N please I-”

“Save it.” With that you stormed out the door, still in your dress. He went to run after you, but Daveed grabbed his arm and shook his head. Lin rushed back to his dressing room and packed up his things. He took out a small, black velvet box from his pockets and looked at it. He was going to get you back.

#burn #hamilton #alexander hamilton #Lin-Manuel Miranda #Lin-Manuel x reader #lin x reader #imagine #angst #hamilton angst #x reader #hamilton x reader

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thingscometogether · 4 years ago

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‘ The Thing Itself ’

In college I was obsessed with the British rock band Arctic Monkeys. When I first saw them perform on Saturday Night Live in 2006 I was enchanted. My enchantment was, of course, fueled by a magnificent crush on the lead singer, Alex Turner. He was a cute, shaggy-haired boy my age with a British accent playing spikey rock music, clearly too cool to give an F about the audience he was playing to. Cupid’s arrow never struck a young heart so hard.

I listened to the band’s first album by downloading bootlegged versions of each song on Kazaa and burning my own CD. I found an EP unreleased in the US and burned that one too. I kept burning CDs until I got an iPod and then I burned out the battery in my iPod every week listening to their songs in endless loops on shuffle. Too many of my AIM ‘away’ messages were simply Turner’s cheeky lyrics copied and pasted as subtle middle fingers to a mainstream youth culture I never wanted to be a part of. I wasted lots of free time avoiding school work by reading every interview and watching every music video I could find. I went apeshit when the video for “Fluorescent Adolescent” came out and it featured a picture of Alex Turner as a boy. If he was cute at 20 years old, he was fucking adorable as a little kid.

My very first rock concert was my first Arctic Monkeys show. I stood ten feet from the stage in a now defunct rock club in Baltimore called Sonar and dreamily watched the boys course through an album’s worth of songs. To this day I swear Alex Turner made eye contact with me for about ten seconds and lost his train of thought while singing. I returned to my cousin’s apartment that night riding high on an energy and intensity I had never quite felt before.

The next morning as I drove home from Baltimore I got caught in a traffic jam, but I didn’t care. I had Arctic Monkeys blaring on the speakers of my mom’s Ford Windstar. The music was so loud the people next to me could hear it even though I had the windows rolled up. I was dancing and banging my head and singing at the top of my lungs -- I was having my own rock concert in the driver’s seat in the middle of I-70. But by the time the traffic jam loosened and I was on my way again, I was exhausted. I wanted to lie down and sleep. My brain was a rapid-firing mess of overcharged signals, and I needed to shut it off. I drove the rest of the way home in silence trying with effort to stay focused on the road.

It wasn’t until I was 28, well beyond my puppy crush years on Alex Turner and obsession with Arctic Monkeys, that I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Until that point I only thought I had Depression. My depressive symptoms were unmissable. I’d spend days at a time in bed, inert and dysfunctional, conspicuously absent from most of my life. Anybody, even those who didn’t know me well, could tell something was wrong.

Until a hospital psychiatrist explained it to me, bipolar had never been a consideration because I never knew what mania looked like. Even after I was given the diagnosis, it took me a long time to identify and recognize my particular manic symptoms. Most of them are disguised within expressions of creative things I already like: writing, visual art, fashion, music.

I like to say mania isn’t ‘the thing itself.’ Mania is the roller coaster that comes along, sweeps up the ‘thing’ and whirls it about at full speed in loop-de-loops of high energy and intensity. I already like to write, but when mania comes along, instead of writing a blog post I think I’m going to write a Pulitzer-prize winning novel overnight. I like fashion and style, but when mania comes along I don’t pay attention to the fact that I’m spending most of my paycheck on a shopping spree with the money I need to use to pay my bills at the end of the week.

I’ve always loved music. It’s been a foundation of my life since I sang songs with Sesame Street as a toddler. I listen to all genres and in different languages. I’m constantly searching for new bands to love. But if I’m listening to music and mania hits, I’m rocketed into an echelon of intense bliss. My brain speeds up, my euphoria is visceral, I’m so in the moment the music feels as if it’s my entire being. I fly high on a wind of pure excitement and elation and good feeling ...and then I crash. I’m drained of all my energy. I feel physically tired, I can’t think, I usually have a headache. My brain can’t take anymore input and I need to sit in silence.

This doesn’t just happen at rock concerts. I’ve become manic listening to a Tchaikovsky symphony before. To Hamilton. To the Remember the Titans’ soundtrack. To Rufus Wainwright’s “Beautiful Child.” Even listening to a Doobie Brothers’ record in my room on low volume can jump start a turbine in my brain that I can’t slow down on my own.

Now that I understand what my mania feels like, I know I have to pay attention to a few things in order to manage it. My physical environment is a big one, along with my mood, the time of day, what activity I’m doing. My gym playlist is full of loud horn sections, sassy Girl Power anthems, anything with a four-on-the-floor beat, and I let it all blare to full intensity. But if I’m planning on going to bed in the next few hours I stay away from high energy acts like St. Paul and the Broken Bones and put on some quiet Harry Nilsson or Tom Waits instead.

I refuse to allow my mania to take away my genuine joy in ‘the thing itself’ however. Mania didn’t create my love of music, and I won’t give it the power to erase that. I saw Arctic Monkeys live five times during my college years. (I entirely plan on being that old lady in the vintage band t-shirt at concerts when they’re still touring in their 70s à la Mick Jagger.) Even though I know I experienced mania at each concert, my mania isn’t the reason I had fun. I had fun because I was able to let loose, to liberate myself from the pressures of burgeoning adulthood by dancing and singing to loud rock songs for a few hours. I had fun because I connected to the part of genuine joy that lives within me, a part I can’t always reach when I’m mired in the sludge of depression.

I still daydream that one day Alex Turner and I will just happen to run into each other at the grocery store and we’ll lock eyes and he’ll remember me from that concert space in Baltimore all those years ago and from that moment on we will be bonded soulmates forever. You have to hold on to the dreams of your youth.

And if I could share some wise words with my 20-year-old self in an AIM away message, it would be these.

Don’t take it so personally You’re not the only one That time has got it in for, honey That’s where you’re wrong.

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justfirdinny · 4 years ago

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#Day2: things that make me happy

Disclaimer: I know nothing about myself, thus, I don’t really know what makes me happy, but I’ll try my best for this.

I mean I always look happy. I always find a way to hum my favorite song on the way to campus when the sun shines too bright. I also find myself dancing alone in my room to express my excitement about something when no one is watching. I am always thrilled about everything. Most importantly, I never ask myself “am I really happy?” so I guess I never doubted what I felt. Okay this is too long and confusing for an introduction so here’s the list:

1. Food. I know I am a very picky eater. I don’t like spicy, I don’t like garlic, I don’t like any unnecessary greens on my food like spring onion or celery. Basically I don’t like a bunch of food ingredients. However, if I ever like something, I will be eager to re-taste it. I feel content when my tummy is full after eating something delicious. Besides, I digest food like there’s no tomorrow, I don’t know why, don’t ask me.

2. Musicals. Basically I love theater (as an audience, of course). I can be really quiet when I watch someone perform live. You know I’m kinda hyperactive but when I watched a performance, a good one, I was so amazed that I held my breath and started to cry. Okay that’s kinda hyperbolic, bear with me. However, I can be super impressed if the actors sing. I mean like if you can perform live, narrate every line, act, dance, and also sing all flawlessly for like two hours or so that’s A TALENT isn’t it? But since I am broke and live faaaar away from the city, the musicals I can watch are limited. Basically anything with the movie format, or series. I remember back then when I was in middle school, I was so obsessed with Glee. I mean, it’s obviously not a PG 7+ kinda series like the one we can find in Disney Channel or Nickelodeon, but who cares. Besides I didn’t speak English back then so it’s kinda a waste of time watching the entire series without knowing anything. But I feel very pleased when they sing. I love it when they start to open their mouth and produce a very beautiful sound. I am kinda embarrassed to share this but I’m a freak that I search every musical bootleg on YouTube. I was so happy to watch Heathers, Mean Girls and some clips of Jagged Little Pill and Dear Evan Hansen even if it feels like watching a 3gp video that my friends in middle school used to watch together. Now that I can watch Hamilton, Newsies, Carrie and also Grease, I know I am beyond blessed. I remember the first time I watched Hamilton, I cried during a lot of numbers and I got goosebumps every time the ensemble sang together in harmony. If reincarnation ever existed I would be happy to be reborn in a wealthy family in New York city, so that I can watch Broadway everyday. Okay, back to reality. Now, I am saving every cent I get and applying to every job that is suitable for me (yes I’m unemployed at the moment, that’s why I have time writing this shit) so that I can at least watch musicals in Jakarta or even Singapore.

3. Reading a book, of course a good one. When I was a kid, my family couldn't afford poshy entertainment, even for a family trip, so the only entertainment I got was by reading a book and letting my imagination take control. It’s like a habit for me to keep reading books whenever I have free time. I even was a local library loyal member, I borrowed two books a week. One time, I already read all the kid-safe books I found in the library so I ended up borrowing an adult novel which has a beautiful cover. I remember the color is as blue as the sky, there are some clouds in it and a big white angel's wing in the center. Turns out it was so inappropriate to read for a kid because the main character is a girl who reincarnated and become a so-called sex slave in both of her existences. I don’t know why I keep reading that even if it’s inappropriate but yes, my mother finally found out. So here goes my library membership card, bye. But after many many inappropriate books I read that disgust me, I still find happiness when I read a book, the appropriate and good one, I suppose . When I read, I pour myself into the plot so that I feel connected with every of the characters. I always feel emotional reading page by page, guessing what will happen next. And the funny part is, I have the so-called emo phase. It happens when I finish reading a story. It can last for months and if the ending isn’t that happy or there is one character that must die during the development of the story, it makes me stay up at night, cry, and think why the writer did this to me. However, after a lot of tears at night and daydreaming, I can read another story just fine.

4. It makes me happy when someone knows me too well. I mean, it takes time and effort to get to know me so whenever someone recognizes my habit or can guess my favorite food right, my eyes will be teary. I always know I’m a lot to handle, so, every time people, even if they are my family, do me wrong, I am fine. Disappointed but okay. So, it’s a pleasure to know that there is actually a person who knows a little detail about me.

I think that’s all for now. You know, my mood changes like a roller coaster so sometimes when something makes me happy, that something also makes me sad a month later. Like I said, I know nothing about myself. Cheerio

p.s. I’ve warned u before, sorry for the bad grammars, I’m just too lazy to double check it

#30 day writing challenge #day2

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friendlyneighborhoodwhateve-blog · 7 years ago

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Comma after dearest // A Lin-Manuel Miranda Imagine

Here am I, yet again, a brazilian teenager writing about a man almost twice my age. Anyway, I always dedicate my stuff to my friends but this time I’d like to dedicate this to the writers that inspire me to keep on writing, so thank you: @alexanderhamllton , for being a great writer and one of the brazilian people out there that I (sort of?) look up to. @fragmentofmymind , you are so incredible, I still cant believe you follow me and @lookaroundlookaroundhowlucky , my friend you are incredible beyond words.

My other stuff is here!

Requests are always open!

Word Count: 4030, like wth????? This is the biggest thing I have ever written???? I am not even sorry though.

Warnings: None???? Maybe a curse word or two?? Some (a lot) inacurracies on his persnal life??? And a cheesy-ass plot?? But I like it very much. Also, please take note that this happens before Lin’s Ham days, other than that, have fun.

The italicized parts are flashbacks.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Lin stared at his phone in exasperation, thinking just what he was going to do about the promise he made to his mother. The text stared up at him accusingly from his cellphone screen. I can’t wait to meet your girlfriend.

You and Lin had met a few years ago through college, you were a STEM major with an affinity for the arts, it had been like that since high school. The day you met was still fresh in your mind.

It was a rainy early summer day in the campus, your mind still reeling from the knowledge that you were finally a senior. This time next year you would be wearing a dress and holding your diploma, hopefully with an internship underway. As your feet carried you, your ears prickled with the sound of music coming from a semi open door. With a will of its own, your body entered the auditory.

In the stage, a scrawny looking guy singed as if his life depended on it. Every note, every riff, every time he opened his mouth made you feel something that had been gone for a long time. There were other people equally as talented on the stage with him, they must be the theater group your brain thought. Suddenly they sang one last note and the stage lights were killed, in an instant reflex your hands clapped, the small bit of their presentation had touched you immensely.

“Who is there?” A voice called from the now lit stage.

“Ah, it’s just me.” You stepped in to the part of the theater that was now full of light, your cheeks already burning from the embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to intrude, sorry, it’s just you guys are really talented.”

Lin was taken aback by your statement; appreciating art was nothing to be sorry for. He was also mesmerized by you, the way your hair was in an extremely messy ponytail, your shirt that had once been carefully tucked into the skirt you wore now slightly askew, the way your bag seemed to be almost bursting at the seams due to the plethora of papers you carried, these little details made his heart feel something new.

“There is nothing to be sorry for. Art is made to be seen and appreciated”

Something held your feet in place, maybe it was the fact that the guy was now approaching you; his eyes had a shine to them that made you want to be by his side for eternity.

“Hi, I’m Lin-Manuel Miranda but Lin is just fine, I don’t think I have ever seen you around?” The sentence ended with a questioning tone, prompting you to answer.

“I am (Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/L/N) from Biochemistry, I don’t come to this part of campus often.”

“You should, want to get some coffee?”

“Why not?”

He remembered how the mutual love for coffee had brought you both together, and he remembered clear as day the promise you made days later, days that had been spent practically glued to each other’s side because neither of you had ever felt such a strong connection to anyone, when you split for the summer.

Do not hesitate to call me at any time, Miranda. I mean it, it doesn’t matter what happens. His fingers dialed the number he knew by heart before his brain even processed what was happening.

“Sir Miranda, to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your voice on this fine evening?” You had been working on the lab for a few hours now, even though you were in charge it was your duty to set a good example, when Lin called.

“Lady (Y/L/N), I think you might need to sit down for this one”

“Okay, give me a minute.” While he nervously ran a hand through his ever growing hair, you wrapped up the cultures you had been working on and went to your office, once you had sat down comfortably, the conversation continued. “Go on, now.”

“Imighthavesaidtomymomwearedating.” His words rushed out one after the other, turning into an unintelligible heap.

“Honey,” the nickname began to be used after you watched Mamma Mia together. “breathe.” You waited until you heard the sound of his exhale before continuing. “Now please try to speak the word separately.”

“I might have told my mom we are dating.” His voice became smaller as he spoke.

“Elaborate.” The word sent him into one of his famous rants.

“So I was texting my mom about thanksgiving and I said you might be tagging along. Wait let me read the texts to you, first I asked “Is it okay if I bring someone” and she responded with “Of course”, now this is where I got very distracted by a dog passing by and forgot to read the next text because I only replied with “(Y/N) and I are looking forward to it.” But I should have read what she said because she asked “Is it finally a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?” and now my entire family probably thinks we are together?”

His rant was endearing and you didn’t even manage to be mad at him.

“Well, I love your mom and her food; I am not skipping out on Dona Luz’s famous thanksgiving dinner so… “

“So I am stuck with you as my girlfriend for a week? Neat.”

After a bit more of small talk you hanged up. Immediately after you dialed Pippa, Jas, Ari and Renée calling a girl’s night on the following Friday.

“Why the hell did you suggest it?” Ari seemed to not grasp why you had suggested fake dating Lin for a week.

“Because that is as close to realty dating him as I probably am going to get.” Pippa nearly spat out her drink, if only you paid attention, you would see how the idea of being in a relationship wasn’t as farfetched to Lin as you seemed to believe.

Despite being in completely different fields of work, you had been going to Hamilton rehearsals as soon as they began. You were always the first Lin showed his drafts to, so you mingled with his other friends and co-workers a lot, resulting in the beautiful friendship you shared with these women.

You were close; they knew things even Lin didn’t know. They were the sisters you wish you had growing up instead of the girl who didn’t even acknowledge your existence. Your family relationships weren’t that great, so the Miranda household had taken to “adopt” you during holidays and such.

“I know you really like him, so we are letting you go with two conditions: the first is you let us pack your bags, God knows you would probably spend the week in pajamas otherwise.” You let out a surprised “what’s wrong with pajamas?” “And the second condition is that you must tell him how you feel.”

“Why must you do this to me? What if he doesn’t like me the same way? Everything would be so awkward and I…” I can’t lose him.

“You have known each other for more than five years, I am sure he loves you already.”

They knew how much Lin meant to you, he was your family, his family was your family, if things didn’t work out you’d be devastated. The girls spent the entire time until the trip soothing your nerves, you had some close calls with anxiety but finally the day of the trip had come. The dress Renée had picked out for you to wear hugged your body nicely, the soft floral print bringing out your skin tone in a nice way.

From Sir Miranda

To Lady (Y/L/N)

I am here, m’lady.

To Sir Miranda

From Lady (Y/L/N)

Come up, your lady awaits.

“I’m just putting my shoes on then using the bathroom real quick, can you take my bags to the car?” You yelled into the living room, the sounds of Lin taking your bags distracting you’re a second.

Breathe. He is your best friend. You have met his family countless times. You went to dinner with his mom and sister without him for Christ’s sake. You will be fine just take it as it goes. Things will work out, have faith. The mental pep talk ends just as you enter the living room.

“All of your bags are already in the trunk, Kit’s carrier is safely in the backseat and…” His sentence faded out as he took what you were dressing in.

In all of the years you had known each other, the number of times you wore dresses could be counted in his fingers. One for your grandparents funeral during college, one for graduation, one for the internship interview you had wanted really bad, one for the day you went to pick up the Kit The Cat from adoption, one for his parents wedding anniversary bash a couple of years ago, one for the inauguration of your lab, another one when he asked you to be his Tony date and right now.

The dress was perfectly appropriated for the weather but the girls had chosen a jacket to go with if necessary.

“Lady (Y/N), I must say you look incredible this fine morning.” When he didn’t know quite what to say, the man resorted to the joke you had going on for years, ever since you watched a terrible production of Romeo and Juliet at a local high school.

“Thank you, kind sir.” You spoke confidently despite not feeling the same way. Fake it until you make it.

“You know I mean it, right?”

“Of course, Lin.” All jokes aside, you could always count on him to be one hundred per cent truthful. He was the one person you trusted blindly, if it came to it, you’d even trust him with your life.

“Shall we go then?”

“Lead the way.”

His car was the same since college. You begged him to buy a new one every time this old thing ended up needing repairs but he insisted that the car had too many memories in it to be replaced. Somewhere along the road, memories began being shared to the soft voice of Louis Armstrong playing in the background.

“Hey, do you remember that time we got drunk during college?”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific, darling.” You quipped back to the man behind the wheel.

“That one time you ended up jumping into the lake during winter, dragged me with you and we both ended up sick for like two weeks.”

“Ah, yes. That time.” You stroked the fur of your cat softly as the memory played like a movie in your head.

You had just turned twenty, the second semester of your final year at college had begun four days ago and you and Lin found yourselves incredibly drunk already. It wasn’t the intention, it just happened as you both walked to the most significant spot to your friendship, the park that was a little ways from campus.

“And then my mom began ranting about how they are ruining our country and I was like “Mom, you ruined our economy.” I can’t believe she acts as if I am the dumbest person in the world, I got a full scholarship in Biochemistry AND Genetics for fuck’s sake.” Today you were an angry drunk.

“Hey, you are wonderful, intelligent and a lot of other adjectives I can’t remember right now. Maybe you just need to chill a bit.”

“Yeah, I am going to chill.” Your hazy mind locked on to the almost frozen lake that was void of ducks this time of the year.

“Good.”

He had barely any time to register what was happening before you began racing the rest of the way to the water, your linked hands dragging him along. The water was so cold, it felt like little knives against your skin, your breath caught in your throat until air was around you again. Later, after a bit of splashing around, when you were walking back, Lin refused to talk to you. He got really cranky when he was cold.

“You were so angry.” You were laughing at the memory, the look in your roommates face still made you lose it even after all these years.

“I still am, we were sick for so long.” The way his hair face was being illuminated by the sun, the laughter lines around his eyes, his tousled hair weren’t helping you with your feelings. He then looked back to you with joy in his eyes and you nearly lost.

Then you look back at me and suddenly I’m helpless.

You knew just how Eliza felt in that moment.

“Oh, look! My mom is already waiting for us.”

The older woman hugged you tightly, whispering I’m so happy for you in your ear before talking to her son, Luís soon came out of the house to help Lin with the bags. Luz snatched you upstairs before anyone could even say your name.

“So, you and my brother? It is real?” You couldn’t bring yourself to lie to her.

“For this week, yes.”

“I am not even going to say anything. Just be careful, we all love you not just Lin.” Your heart swelled with the love from the Miranda family, they were everything you had wished for growing up.

You were in the kitchen, chopping some vegetables for dinner, when a pair of arms wrapped around your waist. Suddenly cutting the carrots into even pieces became a lot harder.

“Hey there, girlfriend.”

“Hey.”

Truth be told, he was even more nervous then you. He couldn’t believe his voice wasn’t wavering as hard as his heart right now. Lin watched the way your hair (that was in a half-up style) fell over your shoulder, leaving your neck slightly exposed. How he wished to just plant a kiss in that spot right now. He wished to find out the way you liked to be kissed, he wanted to find out which spots would elicit a moan out of you, he wanted to wake up by your side every morning. His fantasy was broken when you turned into his arms, face so close to his that your lips were a breath away.

“So I told your sister about us.”

“You did?” It would be so easy to kiss you right now. A bit of inclination and your lips would be joined.

“And if your mother mentions the way you finally asked me out, just go along with it. I might have made up a story about it.”

“Was it on Central Park?” His low voice sent shivers down your spine.

“Yes, on that bench we sit for coffee.” He hummed in agreement.

“Did you kiss me out of happiness?”

“I could.” Your eyes went quickly to his lips, his did the same thing.

This was happening, you were finally going to kiss the man you loved, your lips had barely brushed when Luz barged into the kitchen.

“Oh, I’m sorry but mom requests (Y/N)’s presence in the living room.” You sent a quick glance at Lin’s direction, praying to God he didn’t notice the very strong blush in your cheeks.

“What was that?” Lin felt like a kid getting scolded under his sister’s stare. “If you hurt her I swear that I will end you, hermano.” He had no doubt of the sincerity in his sister’s words. “Make a move or I will make one for you.”

He watched as you moved among his family members, fitting seamlessly into the crazy bunch that they were. He fantasized leaning against the wall, a glass of wine in his hand: you would wake up by his side, the both of you lazing about in bed (stealing a kiss or two) until you knew for sure you’d be late, arriving at the house you would be to entranced into each other to be of any help

As you went around the table, setting the knives and forks down in their places, your eyes sneaked a glance at Lin. He was wearing that beige sweater that made your knees weak (especially when he folded the sleeves up), his face lit up in a smile as he conversed with his father. Your mind went somewhere else entirely as your body continued with the actions: you’d open your eyes sleepily in the morning to see his sleeping form by your side, the both of you staying in bed until your stomachs cried for food then you’d get breakfast in a coffee on the road.

Both of you were brought back to the present when his mom called him to help with something in the kitchen, when your eyes met; it wasn’t that hard to believe a relationship might happen. You decided to freshen up a bit before dinner, maybe a shower would help calm down the mess you were feeling inside.

Luz was in the kitchen when something her mom said caught her attention.

“Yes, Camila is coming as well. She was in town and I thought why not?” The siblings met eyes, if the girl was here then the dinner would be anything but pleasant. Somehow, along the time you had known Lin, one of their cousins caught an instant dislike towards you that no one could explain. With a subtle nod from her brother, the woman discreetly went upstairs to warn you.

No one could do a thing about the unexplained hatred the girl felt because in public she was a completely sweet girl, making veiled threats and taking jabs at you.

“I am not coming down, Luz. I love your mom but I am not dealing with her on top of everything else.” Your anxiety went through the roof, breath coming out in short puffs. As your hands started to tingle, you counted on your friend to pull you out of the attack before it became too much.

“Hey, hey.” At once, it wasn’t her in front of you anymore; it was Lin’s gentle face. He had a small smile on his lips as he tried to calm you down. “Tell me five things you can see.”

“I can see Luz, I can see my suitcase, I can see Kit, I can see my blue flats and I can see the bathroom mirror.” He had some experience with helping you with anxiety crises, they usually happened after a phone call with either your mom or your sister.

“Now, four things you can touch.” The technique to calm down, despite being slightly overused, worked wonders every time.

“I can touch the bed’s covers, Kit’s fur, my cardigan and your hands.” His hands were in your lap, holding yours reassuringly.

“Three things you can hear.”

“Your voice.” I love it so much. “The tap leaking in the bathroom and your mom yelling downstairs.” You both laughed a little at the loud rambling in Spanish, the sauce had probably been left unattended to and burned.

“Almost there, two things you can smell.”

“The scent of my shampoo.” You used the same shampoo since college, the slightly lavender scent never failed to entice Lin. “and you cologne.” His cologne had the same effect on you that your shampoo had on him, both of you usually ended up with jelly legs after a hug.

“One thing you can taste.”

“Toothpaste.”

“Now, take a deep breath. She is not going to get anywhere near you tonight, I promise.”

Somehow, you both ended up sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed, with Kit in his lap. Luz had disappeared downstairs to distract everyone but right now she had just entered the room again.

“Dinner’s ready and unfortunately Camila is here as well.”

At the table, you sat between the Miranda siblings, Lin’s hand holding yours under the table. You thought you’d be nervous but his hand brought a sense of calmness over your soul, as cliché as it was, your hands really did fit into each other like puzzle pieces.

“How is your mom doing?” Camila asked over her wine glass, fully knowing how the topic made you very uncomfortable.

“Probably fine, probably dead, either way, I don’t care.” Luz choked on her drink while Lin squeezed your hand. Everyone knew better than to talk about your family.

A while passed before she tried to get a rise out of you again, during that time you talked quietly to Lin about literally anything, that is, you talked when your mouth wasn’t filled with the delicious food Dona Luz had made, how could you had thought of staying up in your room?

“And your sister got married last month, no?” She just wouldn’t quit. Your sister’s wedding was even more sensitive than your mom, the wound still raw. When you were both young, you’d stay up late countless night planning your weddings, which dresses, what food but most of all, how’d you walk each other down the aisle since your father was out of the picture. That was something you didn’t have to take.

“Excuse me.” You folded the napkin from your lad and placed it on the table while standing up. “The food was very lovely but I have to go somewhere now.” Lies. You had nowhere to go but anywhere was better than being forced to remember so many broken promises. Lin grew angry at his cousin as he watched you leave; Luz was already lecturing the girl while he went after you.

In your haste, getting a coat was the last thing in your mind but it definitely should have been the first. Your bitterness at the situation increased as rain began falling lightly from the sky.

“(Y/N), wait.” Lin was chasing after you, catching up easily due to his much longer legs.

“Why? So I have to go back there? With them? I no it’s not only her, Lin. Except for you and maybe Luz, no one wants me there.” It was your sadness talking but deep down you had always felt that way. Unloved. Unwanted.

“That is not true and you know it. My mom loves you as much as, if not more, than me.”

“She pity’s me and so do you, the poor girl whose father died. Poor little thing, the mom blames her and pushes her away; the sister doesn’t even acknowledge her existence. I already have these feeling with my family, I don’t need more of it.”

You were beginning to freeze, your thin sleeved dress and ballerina flats didn’t do much to fend off the weather. Lin, on the other hand, thought you had never looked more beautiful, the moon shining on your wet hair, the rain cling to your eyelashes. He stood a foot or so away from you, not believing you still felt this way, he knew words would do nothing to reassure you so he gently placed his hands on either side of you face, staring deeply in your eyes.

“I don’t pity you, I love you.” He heard your sharp intake of breath, nevertheless he continued to talk, those were things he’d wanted to say for a while now. “I have loved you ever since the day you stepped in that theater, wearing those pajama pants. I know they were pajamas, shut up; I’m trying to be romantic here. The point is that I love and if I have to spend the rest of my life trying to convince you of it, I will.”

You had no idea of what to do; you had just heard the man you loved telling the tree words you had wanted to hear for so long. Thankfully your body acted on instinc, standing up on the tips of your toes to press your lips lightly against his.

“So, that means you love me too?” His goofy grin was even more endearing now that it was yours.

“Yes, you dummy. I love you too.”

This time it was him who pulled you into the kiss, a kiss much more passionate that the last one, one that reassured you, one that made you feel loved.

“Please feel free to kiss me like that whenever you want.”

#Lin-Manuel Miranda #lin manuel miranda #lin manuel x reader #lin manuel imagine #lin x reader #lin manuel fanfic

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raybansandcoffee · 7 years ago

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Always in My Head: A London Calling Series: Saturday Night Live Opening Theme (Howard Shore)

So I’ve had this idea in my head for months. Finally, after the world’s worst case of writer's block, I decided I needed to write something different. So, I wrote this. Getting back inside the world of London Calling and Annie’s mind has been weird but refreshing. This is the longest short story tied to London Calling because I couldn’t bring myself to cut it into two parts. So, I hope you enjoy it!

“Good morning, Sugar.” Harry’s raspy sleep-filled voice spoke directly into my ear. It wasn’t really morning. The pain of traveling all the time was you slept when you could and sometimes that was in the middle of the day. We’d landed early this morning from London and both crashed immediately upon reaching our apartment.

“It’s…” I glanced down at my watch. “1:37 in the afternoon.”

“Fine, good afternoon, Sugar.” He kissed just below my ear.

“I think we are supposed to get up,” I said as I turned to my side and buried myself into his chest. “I vaguely remember a text from Jeff and Tommy saying we were supposed to do lunch.”

“We clearly have missed lunch.”

“I know. I told them both to fuck off and that I was sleeping. So I think they said that they were coming over at like 2:00. Evidently you’re supposed to work this week.” I laughed a bit.

“But it’s Sunday and I just want to snuggle my girl and stay in bed.”

“Tell your managers that. I wonder if it will fly.” I knew it wouldn’t. They weren’t just his managers, they were two of his best friends. And the week ahead of us would be one of the biggest of his life. That didn’t mean he wanted to be worried about it today but I knew he needed to be. He reached for his phone on the nightstand and clicked to open it and make a call.

“Hey man.” I heard Jeff answer because Harry had the volume turned up loud.

“I’m not doing anything today.”

“Funny story, buddy. The car is dropping me off right now. Tommy and I will be up in like 2 minutes.”

“Go away. My girl is naked and I’m going to keep it that way.”

“I am not naked! I’ll let you in,” I said loudly as I climbed out of bed.

“You’re betraying me, Annie!” Harry called after me as I pulled a hoodie on while walking to the living room of the apartment. This place was one of my favorite in the world. Harry had fallen in love with New York when we’d made a trip shortly after the boys decided to go on break. He could blend in for the most part and just live. He’d decided that we needed a place here and there was no way I was going to put up a fight about that. I loved New York as much as he did. It was a place that inspired both of us to sit and write and just watch the world go by. I made it just as Jeff and Tommy walked off the elevator.

“Hi guys.” I hugged them both.

“Sorry if we woke you up,” Tommy replied.

“It’s okay. The crazy starts tomorrow. He needs to learn to function on a strict schedule again. Despite having stuff going on with the release of an album this boy still just does what he wants.” I went into the kitchen and started some coffee. "That ends soon.”

“I’m glad you were able to come with him,” Jeff said. “You’ll help us wrangle him for the week.”

“Ha! I should ask for gifts for using my skills to help you. After all these years I’m a pro at making him do shit he doesn’t want to do when he needs to do it. You two make my life easier because he at least feels bad telling you no.” They both laughed as they sat down at the island in the kitchen. A few minutes later Harry wandered into the living room in sweatpants and no shirt. His hair was an absolute mess, one of the side effects of how short it was these days was the bedhead he obtained usually meant his hair stuck straight up. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me before bending down and kissing my neck. I bent my head backwards and kissed him.

“Hello gentlemen.” His voice was still raspy. “Look at my girl being amazing and making me coffee.”

“Actually I was making me coffee. Want a cup?”

“Yes, Sugar.” He went to the other side of the island and hugged Jeff and Tommy. “So do I get to at least enjoy part of today?”

“Yeah, today is going to be a good day,” Jeff said.

“It’s just dinner and fun today,” Tommy added. “The real work doesn’t actually start until Tuesday. Tomorrow is going to be all done here. We have your stylist coming to decide what you’re wearing for the week and hopefully an early night for you. Then Tuesday you go in and get started.”

“And I get to shop and enjoy New York!” Harry glared at me. “And tag along to watch you work?” He smiled to show his approval.

“Was your Mom coming to the city for the week?” Jeff asked. Jeff knew that I wanted to find an excuse to bring my Mom to New York ever since we’d bought the apartment here. When he managed to book this trip for us he suggested that I bring my Mom along

“Yeah, she flies in on Wednesday. She’s really excited to see the place and be here to represent all of the parents. I’m disappointed that Harry’s Mum and Robin couldn’t join us.” We’d really hoped Robin would be feeling well enough for them both to travel and to have a good week with family but it was just going to be my Mom and we were happy with that.

“That will be fun. She’ll have a good time. I’ll make sure the passes are worked out for both of you with the network for the week,” Jeff said.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“She’s gonna love it. She hasn’t seen the apartment yet so I know she’ll be happy to have some time in the city with us.” It was amazing what we’d been able to convince my Mom to do since she retired. She’d spent six weeks with me last summer while Harry was busy filming Dunkirk. We decided to travel for a lot of it as I’d gotten approached by a travel company who wanted to plan trips that I would take and then write about on my website. It was an incredible partnership that took my Mom and I amazing places. We’d traveled all over England, gone to Ireland, Scotland, Italy, Austria, Holland, and a few trips to France to see Harry when he had a day or two off. She’d also been able to come out to Los Angeles to visit a few times when we were there. She really hated the idea of us spending all of the money on her at first but she was getting a chance to see the world and we were happy to give it to her. I’d heard she and Harry talking last summer when we’d gone to see him in France. He told her he was glad that I’d had someone to travel with while he was busy working so that I wasn’t alone or just sitting in a hotel room waiting for him to come home and sleep.

“Let’s face it boys, I’m not the reason she’s coming here.” I started to laugh as I was talking. “She hasn’t been to New York in ages and loves the city, I somehow managed to get tickets for us to see Hamilton next week when he’s finally done working, and she gets to be the proud gushing mother-in-law as she watches Harry perform Saturday.”

“What can I say? The woman loves me.” He smiled big enough for his dimples to show which of course caused me to smile.

“More than me some days,” I replied as I put his cup of coffee in front of him. I jumped up onto the counter to face them and enjoy my coffee. “So Tommy can you help me arrange a car to go pick her up? She told me she could just meet me at the apartment but I’d rather pick her up at the airport.”

“Consider it done,” he answered as he started tapping away on his phone.

“Thanks.”

“So what does the rest of today involve then? You said dinner and fun.” Harry leaned back. His body language showed that he didn’t fully trust them that he wasn’t going to get stuck working.

“Yeah, your girl planned it.” I smiled proudly before taking a drink of my coffee as Jeff continued talking. “She didn’t want to have a big mob going somewhere. Arranged for a chef to come and cook dinner. Your band is all here and will be coming over as well as Lou and Harry.”

“My girl planned a dinner?” He looked at me smiling.

“Your girl planned a dinner. Remember that little Italian restaurant we went to for our date night when we were here in February to meet with your label?” He nodded. “The chef from there is coming to do the dinner.”

“You’re pretty amazing, Sugar.”

“I try.” I finished my cup of coffee before jumping down off of the counter. I filled it up with another cup before adding sugar and cream. “I also need to try to look like a human. People should start getting here around 3:00. I wanted the band to feel like they could just come hang out with us today. So you three get your schedules for the week figured out and I’m gonna go shower off a red eye flight.” I left the kitchen and went back to the master bedroom. After finding the clothes I was going to put on for the day and stealing Harry’s pink iPhone from his suitcase I went into the bathroom.

I turned on Harry’s record and climbed into the shower. I sang along to every word like I did every morning. He was being paranoid and wouldn’t let me put it on my phone yet. It was just on this pink iPhone that floated around our house. A phone that he refused to allow to connect to the internet for fear that someone would figure out how to hack it and leak it. I wanted to laugh at his freakish paranoia but I got it. We’d been through this before. His mother’s iCloud had been hacked. Photos of us, our family and our friends flooded the internet. The minute the album was mastered and finished it went onto the pink iPhone and stayed on the pink iPhone. He was the only person able to play it for anyone which meant anytime it needed to be played for someone for advance press purposes, opinions from a label or friends we were on a plane flying somewhere with the pink iPhone. He had learned quickly to leave it in the bedroom when I was getting ready because I listened to it every day when I got ready. It gave me the chance to be in awe of his talent every morning and most of the time without him being embarrassed about my gushing.

“So have you listened to the whole album or just this one on repeat?” he asked as I stepped out of the shower.

“Fuck me!” I yelled. He’d been sitting on the sink in the bathroom watching me and I didn’t notice. “The whole album, in proper order. I just happen to like this song most.” I secured my towel around my chest as I walked over to him.

“Kim has always been right about you. So self-centered. You love the songs that are about you most of all.”

“Most of yours are baby.” He laughed before leaning forward and kissing me. “Well most of them that you write. Your album defies logic because most of them are not about me.”

“That is correct.” He kissed me again. “You smell good.”

“I smell clean, something you should try. You still smell like an airplane.”

“I’m gonna shower. Lou sent me a message. She’ll be here soon. Said if we needed to cut my hair tonight we could if I wanted.”

“It is getting a bit shaggy,” I said as I ran my fingers through it. “I like it though.”

“I’ll need to get it cut before Saturday.”

“I know but let’s not do it today. Let’s just focus on being with friends.”

“Sounds perfect. I’m gonna shower. You should keep singing to me though. You sounded good in the shower.”

“Get out of my face.” I started to laugh pretty hard as I walked into the bedroom to put my clothes on. I’d decided on a pair of black distressed jeans and white sweater. I’d decided not to wash my hair because I didn't want to deal with trying to style it. I went into the bathroom to do my makeup and opted to just pull my hair up in a bun.

“You look cute,” Harry said as he stepped out of the shower, towel barely being held up at his hips.

“You look underdressed.”

“Really? I was thinking this would be a great look for dinner.”

“Funny.”

“For real though, you look cute.”

“Thanks baby.” We both finished getting dressed and ready to entertain for the rest of the day. It was nice to have a quiet afternoon with Harry's team and show them some hospitality before a busy week of rehearsals, fittings, and press. His band and team were hardworking and incredibly devoted. Feeding them a nice meal was the least I could do. Harry walked out of the bathroom and caught me playing on my phone.

“Nerd,” he said as he saw me taking selfies.

“You love me.”

“True.”

bookshopbirdie: I’m so excited to be in New York that I’m growing flowers from my head. Don’t worry, @harrystyles is laughing at me…really loudly.

We made our way into the living room to find Jeff and Tommy had made themselves at home and found beer in the kitchen. We’d managed to have as assistant come stock the apartment up with food in advance of our arrival. It didn’t take long before the apartment was filled with friends and good conversation. Seeing how at ease Harry was in this situation made me so happy. He was doing what he loved and not sitting in our house growing bored as he had been at the beginning of the break. Here he was, less than a week out from his first televised performance as a solo artist and it would be on Saturday Night Live. The level of pride I felt was off the charts.

As usual he was being cautious this evening. Not drinking too much and just enjoying the company of our friends. He practically floated around the room between conversations so easily until the hours got late and he plopped himself down in the chair I was sitting in beside me. I’d been in conversation with Claire, his pianist, most of the night.

“Thank you for tonight,” he said quietly in my ear before kissing the top of my head.

“Of course, baby. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. Jeff and I knew you needed to relax before this week. You’ve got an extremely busy schedule and we wanted you to at least have a day to enjoy yourself.”

“Well, thank you. Evidently we don’t have anything until 10:00 tomorrow so we can sleep in a little bit.”

“Fuck yes! THANK YOU JEFF AND TOMMY!”

“For what?” Tommy asked.

“Scheduling him a late morning tomorrow. It means that I get to sleep in tomorrow.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied. “I figured jet lag might kick both your asses and you’d need the rest.”

“You are correct, sir.” Our friends all filed out of the apartment and we were alone again. Hiring a chef and a catering company for the evening seemed like it was a little bit overboard but when I looked into the kitchen to see it clean and hear the dishwasher running I knew it was worth it. We wouldn’t spend the first night in New York cleaning up after a party.

“You looked beautiful tonight,” Harry said as he wrapped his arms around me from behind.

“You smell amazing,” I replied. He may not have drank a lot tonight but I had a fare amount of wine. I heard him start to laugh at me as he slid his hands under my sweater.

“You’re tipsy aren’t you?”

“Maaaaaaaaybe.”

“Oh lord. Let’s get you in bed. We have a long week for you to start out with a hangover.”

“Meanie head.”

“Uh-huh. Meanest ever. Get in the bedroom.”

“Oooo. You’re being forceful. I like it.” He laughed as he pointed towards the master bedroom in our apartment.

“Not being forceful to be fun. Just trying to get you into bed so we can sleep.” We made it into the bedroom and I started to strip my clothes off throwing them on the floor. As soon as I was down to my panties I crawled under the covers. “Not gonna put your pajamas on?”

“Nope.” He just shook his head at me as he picked up my clothes off the floor and put them into the laundry hamper. He reappeared from the closet in his boxers and climbed into bed next to me. I moved closer to him in bed and started to kiss him. He pulled back from me and yawned. “Am I really that boring?”

“No, I’m just really that tired. We had a really busy day yesterday, then flew here at the crack of dawn and have barely slept. So I’m tired, not bored.”

“Fine. Leave me sex starved.” I threw myself onto the bed nearly hitting Harry in the face as I flailed my arms out.

“Oh you melodramatic woman. You had sex last night.”

“We were in a different country. It doesn’t count.”

“You test my patience every day. You are lucky I love you.”

“I know," I said as I climbed into his arms to get comfy. “I love you too, Dimples.”

“Goodnight, Sugar.” It didn’t take much for me to drift off to sleep in his arms. The next morning I woke up without the help of an alarm which was so rare. I did also wake up alone in bed, which was not rare. I was not a morning person and Harry sometimes was. I looked at my watch as I picked it up off the charger. 9:35 AM. What time did they say people would be here? I think it was 10:00 which meant there were likely already hoards of people in my apartment and here I was in bed in just my lace boyshorts. I climbed out of bed and quickly used the bathroom before pulling on really short shorts and the t-shirt Harry had worn the day before. I walked into the living area barefoot to find Harry and Lou with a sheet on the ground and her cutting his hair. “Good morning sleepyhead.”

“Hi,” I replied before going over and kissing Harry and giving Lou a kiss on the cheek. “How’d you sleep baby?”

“Decently. You thrashed a bit in your sleep. Probably the wine.”

“Probably. Did you have a goodnight Lou? You were going out after you left here, right?”

“Yeah, we went to a bar near the hotel and a had a few drinks. You should’ve come with. You would’ve loved it.”

“She probably would’ve but she also needed to sleep. I’m actually shocked she’s awake already.”

“Me too,” I replied as I curled up on the couch watching Lou meticulously cut his hair. My phone started to ring in my hand. I glanced down to see it was Kim and a FaceTime request. I hit accept and saw her walking around the house with one of the twins attached to the front of her. “Hey!”

“How’s New York?” she asked.

“Great. I mean I haven’t seen outside of the apartment yet but it’s great so far. Harry is getting a haircut.” I turned the phone so she could see Harry and Lou.

“Hey Kim!” they both called.

“Hey,” she replied before I turned the phone. “So I’ve figured out a trick.” She held the phone back so I could see the baby attached via a baby carrier to her front. She then moved the camera and I could see the other on her back.

“That is fucking awesome. How did you get them on like this?”

“Magic. It has to be magic. I normally can’t get either of them on without Nate and today managed both. They both have been fussy all day and refused to stop crying. I clearly can’t carry them both so I put Max on like a backpack and Jack on the front. I’m pretty sure there’s vomit in the back of my hair but I don’t care right now. They stopped crying.” The twins were just around four months old and Kim was still home with them.

“That’s quite the trick.” I laid my head against the back of the couch. “I wish you guys had been able to come with.”

“Me too. I could go for actual American food right now. Like barbecue or a really good cheeseburger or something. I love Nate to death but I’m so tired of his attempt at cooking things I would like, he fails every time.”

“We will pack some junk food to bring back. Send me your list. I’ll make sure to go to a grocery store before we leave.”

“You’re an angel. So do you have a big day today?”

“Harry has a fitting today so I don’t have a strenuous day by any means but he’s being demanding and I can’t go out and explore.” I stood up as I saw the elevator door open and walked towards it as Jeff and Tommy entered the apartment.

“Good morning,” Jeff said handing me a venti coffee from Starbucks.

“You’re my favorite person ever, Jeffrey.”

“Hey!” Harry called from behind me.

“Don’t worry, we brought you coffee too,” Tommy replied.

“Less about the coffee more about her saying Jeff is her favorite person ever. I thought I was your favorite,” Harry said.

“You’re all wrong. I’m her favorite,” Kim argued via FaceTime.

“She’s probably right,” Jeff answered. “Hey Kim. How’s London?”

“Cold and rainy,” she replied.

“You’ll have to tag along for their visits to LA soon. Maybe you and Nate can sneak out with them for Harry’s Late Late residency.”

“That sounds like a wonderful dream but I doubt that I’ll be able to leave the twins.” He laughed a reply before heading to Harry to get started with their day. “I’ll let you go. You’ve got a house full.”

“I do and I need to change. I’m in pajamas which is becoming increasingly inappropriate the more people fill my apartment. I’ll text you later. Bye boys!” I said waving at Kim and the twins.

“They would say bye if they could talk. See you when you get home,” she replied before ending the call. Life was different but it was good. I missed being able to drag Kim and Nate along for a trip somewhere but I loved their boys as if they were my own. Knowing that anytime I was home all I had to do was make the short trip to their house and I could get my fill of baby snuggles made the times where I was there alone so much better. I headed into the bedroom and threw on some clothes.

The day was spent watching Harry try on a variety of outfits before they determined what he would wear. As usual I sat quietly observing with my camera and my laptop as I wrote. During the period of transition in our life I’d tried not to write. Harry had really wanted to just disappear. He wanted us to have a normal life, like normal people and not constantly give people access to our lives. It was something he hadn’t had since before going on X-Factor. It had been something we spent a great deal of time discussing during the remaining days of One Direction. We wanted to agree on what I would be doing and have the decision made before the first moment the break started.

I’d really done my best to accommodate that request and only failed a few times. I wrote about topics rather than life. I’d post photos and write about the travel we’d done over the years or about an album I’d been listening to or a playlist I’d made. When I started to get bored of that I’d write about current events which usually drove Harry nuts. I was opinionated and an American ex-pat who started ranting about politics on her blog and caused his management to contact him in regards to the opinions of his ‘friend’, that is until he finally parted ways with Modest and signed with Jeff. Once that happened I was off leash, Jeff didn’t care what I said or did and also knew better than to call me his friend. Modest had always had a hard time respecting the relationship Harry and I had, especially after he put a rather large diamond on my hand.

So those times I’d failed, well I was lucky Harry loved me. He went on a self-imposed social media hiatus, or at least that was what it seemed like. He lurked. He read what people wrote. He looked at the tweets. He searched through their Instagrams. I’d accidentally gotten overly proud of him while he was filming Dunkirk and posted a picture of him in uniform, he looked sexy I couldn’t help it. I’d posted a vague photo of him from Jamaica that thankfully didn’t give away our location. I’d shared a picture of him with my niece and nephew as they slept on the floor in front of the fireplace waiting for Santa Claus. I knew he wanted anonymity but I wanted the world to know he was safe, he was happy and he was loved.

“What are you doing, Sugar?” Harry asked. He picked my laptop up off of my lap and laid down with his head replacing the computer. I ran my fingers through his freshly cut hair.

“Thinking about doing some writing but mostly just enjoying watching you change clothes repeatedly.”

“I saw you taking pictures of me when I’m half naked.”

“Maybe.”

“You’re a perv.”

“So if I went through the pictures in your phone right now there’s none of me scantily clad?” He started to laugh as he blushed a little.

“They aren’t on my phone. I’m not that stupid.” He smiled a devious smile. “They are on my laptop, which you know.”

“You’re crazy.”

“You love me.”

“Yup.”

“Harry, you need to get back to work,” Jeff called from where he and Tommy had set up office on our dining room table.

“Alright. Well, write away sweetheart.” He gave me a kiss before getting back to work.

10 April 2017: New York State of Mind (Billy Joel)

It’s a big week in our world. Giant. Monumental. HUUUUUUGE.

That fantastic fiancé of mine is making his worldwide solo television debut. No big deal, right? It just happens to be on Saturday Night Live as it’s being broadcast live from coast-to-coast in every timezone. Well, I think it’s a big deal, he’s acting like it’s just another thing to do on a Saturday.

He’s so at ease with his job it’s insane. He’s trying to act like he’s not checking Twitter on his phone to see the reactions. He is. He’s so grateful to have his fans and I can tell you I’m so grateful that they all love ‘Sign of the Times’. The excitement I have for everyone to hear the rest of it is unexplainable. I am so unbelievably proud of the work he has put into this record and the quality of the product he’s putting out. It’s my favorite album and I listen to it every day while I’m getting ready. I know the album backwards, forwards and inside out. I’m not saying this just because I share a house with this man, it’s the best album I’ve heard in years. Release date can’t come soon enough so I can stop hiding what songs are my favorites and start using the lyrics as Insta captions, because we all know I will.

Well, this week is going to be busy and fun and amazing. Today is wardrobe fitting for Harry and the band to make sure that they look all pretty for Saturday Night Live. Then tomorrow rehearsals start. Wednesday is going to be my big day. My Mom arrives in the city!! She hasn’t been able to visit us since we got the apartment here and she gets to represent the parents this week as everyone else was unfortunately unable to travel with us. Mom has been instructed to take tons of pictures to capture every moment of this experience so that she can share with the other parents. They also know that it’s very rare that I don’t have a camera attached to my hand to document our life.

Thank you for all of your support of Harry during this experience. I promise you, it will be worth the wait we’ve all endured for this first record. It’s beautiful.

All the love. (Yup….I’m stealing this from him.) xx Annie

“I don’t want to get out of bed,” Harry whined as my alarm went off. He had a table read today. They wanted to incorporate him into some sketches so he got to sit in on the table read. It was going to be one of the few times during our trip that I didn’t have to stay cooped up in his dressing room or the apartment. I made him promise me that I could get out and enjoy the city on my own today and if he was busy take my Mom out later this week. Though she had informed me via FaceTime last night that she wanted to take in as much of what Harry was doing as possible. This would be the first time she met his band. The first time she’d seen Lou in ages. And her first time to our new home.

That was still weird to say. New home. We’d done this on a whim, sort of. We thought having a place in New York for a while might be fun. We found a real estate agent who showed us a few things. Both of us being obsessed with the history of things fell in love with our place in New York immediately. Our building is a former 19th century bookbinding factory that was converted into some of the most amazing condos I’d ever seen. It didn’t take much for us to decide to buy and we were coming up on a year since Harry signed the papers to buy the place.

Ever since we’d been discussing if we were going to keep a house in LA, move out of the city or downsize for a while. We both loved Malibu and the idea of being out of the city a little. We also knew we’d be on the road for the better part of the next year and half to support his record. We didn’t really need houses all over the place but we loved being in LA so it was hard to give up.

“Let’s stay in bed a bit longer,” he said as he snuggled up against me.

“You have a table read today as well as photoshoots. Time for you to go work.”

“And what are you going to do all day?”

“Lay here naked waiting for you to come home.”

“UNFAIR!”

“You’re so fucking gullible. I’m gonna come with you for a little while but I’m off to take pictures. I haven’t been able to explore and photograph New York for a while. So it’s time for me to do some work since the rest of the week is based off of your schedule and my Mom being here.”

“I wish I could go with you and take pictures. I love being your assistant. Spending an afternoon with you as you go out and explore with your camera has become one of my favorite ways to spend a day.”

“I know but you being my assistant would not afford you the life you love.” He started to laugh.

“You’re the only thing I need in life to love it.” I leaned in to kiss him softly. Without even really trying he was the sweetest and kindest person I’d ever met. His arms wrapped around me and held me tightly. “What time do I have to be ready?”

“The car is picking us up at 10:00.” I saw him glance at the clock over my shoulder.

“Then why did the alarm go off at 7:00?”

“You normally like to go to the gym in the morning. You also should eat breakfast and make sure you look presentable and don’t show up with bedhead and morning breath.” He laughed a bit at me. “Plus setting the alarm for this early, despite neither of us being morning people, means that we can lay here and have some quiet time, just us. We won’t likely get much of that for the rest of the week.”

“So very true. Your Mum will be here. There will be lots of friends and people around. Now is a good time for quiet.” He kissed down my jaw line and onto my neck. His lips left featherlight kisses across my collarbone as he shifted my body so I was laying on my back. In a quick movement he was in between my legs and hovering over me.

“You don’t look like you intend on this time being quiet.”

“It all depends on you.” He ducked down and captured my lips. “Will you be quiet?” I started to laugh loudly at him. “I’m going to take that as a no.”

“We should be getting out of bed.”

“We should be doing a lot of things. But the question is, would you rather go to the gym or let me make love to you?”

“If you have to ask that question I clearly am engaged to an absolute buffoon.” He laughed as he started to pull at my tank top.

“I knew your answer. You are not engaged to a buffoon. Just a man who is really excited to get his fiancé naked.” The tank top came off and he started to kiss down my chest. I heard his phone start to ring on the nightstand.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” I asked.

“No,” he replied barely removing his mouth from my stomach. The phone stopped ringing and then started again. “I don’t care who is calling. We need to have some time this week where it is just us.”

“I know.” His phone finally stopped ringing and then mine started. “Okay, what if it’s an emergency?”

“FINE!” He threw himself onto his back on the bed as I reached for the phone. I saw that it was Jeff calling but didn’t want to say it before I answered.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Is he in the shower?”

“Nope.”

“Gym?”

“Nope.”

“Shit. I’m a terrible friend, aren’t I?”

“Yup.”

“Have him call me later. Enjoy your morning.”

“Bye Jeff.” I hung up the phone and looked at Harry. “What?”

“You answered a phone call from Jeff during sex?”

“We weren’t having sex.”

“Fine. You answered the phone in the middle of foreplay and it was my manager.”

“I could’ve been an emergency.”

“Was it?”

“Well I don’t know. He asked if you were in the gym, then the shower and then is sort of figured out what was going on and said he was being a terrible friend and you should call him later.” Harry started to laugh loudly.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Our clothes were quickly pulled off and thrown on the floor in the bedroom. Our bodies twisted together and our breathing synced up. The phones might’ve rang again, but neither of us would’ve known. We were in our own world.

“So I’m not going to the gym this morning,” he said as he stood from bed and headed to the bathroom. “Shower with me.”

“Okay,” I replied as I stood up and followed him. Our shower was quick and we got ready quickly. Jeff had wanted to come over to the apartment before we left so that he and Harry could have one last meeting before the week started. I left them alone in the living room while I finished getting ready. I knew I needed to be dressed decently, it was a big day for my fiancé. Not the kind of day you show up to in beat up trainers, a t-shirt with holes in it and yesterday’s eyeliner. Yet considering a good portion of the day I’d be running around the city alone I knew it was also the kind of day I wanted to be comfortable. No heels to try and impress the people who expected Harry to have a model on his arm. He knew he didn’t need a model on his arm, he just wanted me. I put on a pair of black skinny jeans, a light chambray shirt, and a pair of nude flats.

I made sure to tuck a camera into my bag that I was carrying today. I never really wanted to carry around my entire camera bag and had found a purse recently that had a good amount of space for what I’d normally need and a camera or two, depending on the day. I grabbed a portable charger for my cell phone, some extra camera batteries and was ready to go. I walked into the living room and saw Harry and Jeff sitting and talking.

“You ready to go, Sugar?” I nodded as I sat down next to Harry and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Sorry about earlier,” Jeff said.

“Don’t even mention it. It’s nothing.”

“You’ve come along way. You used to turn bright red if I interrupted you two and you saw me the same day.”

“Jeffrey, you also used to turn red. But we’ve become good friends. Now it’s just normal for us.” I laughed. “I just prefer when it’s via the phone and not you appearing in the house.” There were a few times that had happened and then the whole vacation on a yacht that was a terrible idea if you wanted privacy and loved to have sex. Harry and I had to learn how to sneak around, we felt like we were on vacation with parents, it was rather funny.

“I tend to call first after that time,” he replied.

“You ready for today, baby?” I asked.

“As ready as I can be. But I’ve got my girl by my side and my best friend with me,” he said as he glanced at Jeff. We got all of our stuff together and headed down to the street where a car was waiting for us. Jeff climbed into the front seat leaving Harry and I in the back. He grabbed my hand and laced his fingers in mine before bringing it to his lips. He mouthed out a silent ‘I love you’ to me before I rested my head on his shoulder. I watched the city fly by out the car window.

This time tomorrow I’d be headed to the airport to pick up my Mom. I was so excited. It had been months since I’d seen my family. We’d been spending time in England prepping for all of this craziness. We’d also been taking time to go up north and visit Harry’s Mum and Robin. It was hard to leave but Anne constantly told us to live our lives, enjoy the time we have together and go on an adventure. So I promised to take as many pictures of this adventure as possible to show her the next time we made it back home. We pulled up outside of NBC’s studios and I saw a few people who appeared to be hoping they’d see Harry when he made his way into the studio. The door opened and I heard the few girls yell his name.

“Hello,” he said as he walked over. I stood just smiling at how amazing he was at this part of his job. “How are all of you doing?” He made small talk with them while Jeff texted someone on his phone. I grabbed my camera from my purse and took a picture of Harry as he took pictures with these fans. He was dressed like he normally did which was not what most of New York was used to. My friends who lived in the city had monochromatic wardrobes consisting of black, light black (grey), and negative black (white). Here was this tall, skinny, British kid in black skinny jeans, tan Chelsea boots and an obnoxious Hawaiian print shirt. He loved sticking out and being himself.

“Hi, Annie,” one of the girls said. I waived as I walked over.

“There’s my lovely fiancé. She claims she’s my official photographer for the week. Will you be blogging the pictures, Sugar?”

“Of course,” I replied smiling. “I posted a little bit of a blog yesterday and will probably wait until everything is over this week before I share the pictures. My Mom lands in New York tomorrow so I’ll focus on spending time with her and making sure this guy gets where he needs to on time.” The girls laughed. We talked to them for a few more moments before heading into the building.

We were greeted by a PA and led upstairs. I stood back and watched Harry turn on his charm. Every staff member he met smiled at him the way the girls had outside and at every One Direction meet and greet. He had this charisma that would make anyone fall in love with him, or at least that’s what Chris Martin always told me. He shook hands with everyone and I could see him doing the mental process he had on how he’d remember their names this week so that he wasn’t constantly just yelling for random staff and not remembering their names. He always wanted to know who everyone was. Finally someone took us to what would be his dressing room for the week. We all settled in and I watched as Harry looked around to see that the room was set up just how he’d do it himself. Candles that smelled like home. Little things that made it feel like it was his and not just a closet they stuck him in for the week. There was a couch in there and I laid on it as he and Jeff talked.

“You don’t need to stick around if you don’t want to, babe,” he said.

“I’m okay. I heard them say that you and Jimmy were going to be doing some promos during the first part of the day. I want to stay for that.” He glanced at Jeff.

“I think she’d leave me for Jimmy Fallon if he asked.”

“He’s cute and funny.”

“Are you saying I’m not cute and funny?”

“You’re cute.” I glanced up from my phone to see his face shift at my reply. “And funny, I just like getting that reaction out of you.”

“I love you despite you being so mean to me sometimes.”

“Robin informed me that I needed to knock you down a few notches this trip. Can’t let your head get too big or you’ll float away like a hot air ballon. I need my fiancé when this week is over. So expect me to bring you back down to earth.” He flipped me off. It wasn’t long before they took us out onto the stage to start filming some of the promos. I took a few pictures to text to our families and a few on my camera that would be much better.

Eventually it was time for me to leave and him to get to work. I made a deal that I’d come back in a few hours. As soon as I was out on the street with a coffee I was happy. I was in my element. A camera in my hand and no destination, just a desire to explore and take pictures. I had music playing through my headphones so that I could be in my own little world as much as I wanted. Getting lost in New York was something I loved doing, except that one time that I actually got lost. It took Harry a while to find me and so now he requires that he has access to my GPS location so he can find me when I go off on my own.

bookshopbirdie: History is happening in Manhattan, and we just happen to be in the greatest city in the world. In the greatest city in the world.

When it was time to finally head back to NBC’s Studios I hopped into a cab so I could get there without trying to navigate the subway. Sometimes I got lost and while I never had a problem with that happening it often annoyed Harry that I’d not care where I was going. He’d get worried. I managed the tube at home fine when I needed to but I was still learning New York. I was happy spending a day lost but needing to be there for my fiancé in a short amount of time meant not being okay getting lost.

Once I got up to SNL’s floor I was directed to the main studio to find Harry. He was in conversation with Jimmy Fallon when I found him. They’d both been busy earlier so I hadn’t had a chance to meet him but I knew Harry would take the opportunity based on the look he just gave me.

“Jimmy, I want you to meet my fiancé. This is Annie Catalano.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Annie,” Jimmy said as he reached to shake my hand.

“It’s nice to meet you as well. Hopefully Harry hasn’t been too much of a pain to work with today.”

“He’s been wonderful and you’re American.”

“I am. I lived in Iowa for my whole life until I up and moved to London. Then somehow met this guy and I’ve stayed.”

“She’s a huge fan of yours. So is her Mum, she gets here tomorrow.”

“You both made the trip for me didn’t you?” I started to laugh at Jimmy’s question.

“Actually I think my Mom is making the trip just to see Harry. I’m chopped liver. Her future son-in-law however, the sun rises and sets on him.” Harry blushed a bit. My Mom and I were close but she loved Harry. I of course understood why, I fell for him, I knew why everyone else did. We chatted with Jimmy for a little bit before we were ready to leave. “Hey baby, go sit on the stage I want to get a picture of you.”

“Okay, then we are going to get dinner. I need a date night before your Mum gets here and the week gets crazier.”

“Sounds wonderful to me.” I took a few pictures of him goofing off on the stage before we packed up what we needed and headed out to dinner. He had made reservations at a restaurant not far from home and we were completely alone which was wonderful. When we got home and climbed in bed I loaded the pictures onto my laptop to show him.

bookshopbirdie: Hey there @harrystyles!

“That picture turned out good.”

“Yeah it did,” I replied before putting my phone on the nightstand and turning to curl up in bed next to Harry. “I’m not going to head to NBC with you in the morning.”

“I didn’t imagine you would be. You get to go pick up your Mum. I think I’ll be able to have lunch with you both when you get there. Tommy said he’d go with you to get your Mum and then we’d all have lunch at one of the restaurants in Rockefeller Center.”

“Sounds perfect. Tommy doesn’t need to go with though,” I said.

“He knows that. He volunteered to. He’ll pick you up here and go with you and then you’ll all come to see me.”

“Okay.” I leaned forward and softly kissed his lips. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, getting here wouldn’t have been possible without you by my side.”

“I’ve loved watching every minute of it.” Our conversation slowed and we drifted off to sleep. We had several more busy days ahead to get through. Sleep was precious right now. And in the morning, when our alarms went off, it was obvious we hadn’t gotten enough.

We moved like zombies around the apartment as we got ready. I took the time to curl my hair today and decided since I wouldn’t be running around the city that I could wear heels. I put on a pair of tight black jeans, a gray top, and black leather jacket. I found a pair of black heels and slipped them on before grabbing my purse.

“You forgot something important,” Harry said as he stepped out of the bathroom. I was looking at myself in the full length mirror in the bedroom. I glanced over at him as he held up my engagement ring. “Don’t forget this one, sweetheart.” He walked over to me and slid the ring on my ring finger while he kissed me. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Harry.” I glanced down at my hand and smiled at the ring. I was still amazed at how beautiful it was every time I looked at it. Sometimes I’d been known to get distracted staring at my hand and then get laughed at by all of our friends. He gave me another kiss before I caught him glance down at my ring.

“I did a good job.”

“You did.”

“Not good enough to get you down the aisle yet.”

“When are we going to fit that in? You’ve got an album out in a matter of days and we are on the road on tour for the next year and a half. Planning a wedding sounds like stress neither of us need. But you know what I do need?”

“Me?” he asked. I nodded. “That’s all I need too. You and only you.” One more kiss and we headed out of the bedroom. We discovered that in the living room Jeff and Tommy were waiting for us. They basically had complete access to our apartment and lives this week to make sure that everything happened as it was supposed to. “Hello gentleman."

“Hey you two,” Tommy said. “Annie, are you ready to head to the airport? We have a car waiting downstairs.”

“I am.”

“See you in a bit, sweetheart.”

“Have a good morning, baby,” I said before moving to kiss him. After a few short kisses Tommy and I were out the door and headed down to the car. Today we had an SUV, enough space for the three of us and Mom’s luggage.

“You excited?” Tommy asked. He was sitting in the back next to me.

“I am. I haven’t seen Mom since the beginning of March.”

“I didn’t realize it had been that long. I thought you’d seen your family last month.”

“I’d talked about it but he had so much going on that I stuck around home.”

“He’s lucky to have you,” Tommy said. I looked up from my cell phone where I’d been reading emails to turn and look at him. I smiled and knew I was blushing a bit.

“Thanks, I’m lucky to have him too.”

“So, what do you have planned with your Mom today?”

“I’m pretty sure we will spend the day at the apartment or around there. Maybe go hang out at SNL for a little bit. I know she’ll want to see Harry as soon as she can. We are gonna do lunch with him today in between his rehearsals.”

“That will be nice.”

“I think you and Jeff are joining us. She loves you guys.”

“Your Mom is pretty great. Think she’s gonna be making meatballs while you’re all in town?” I started to laugh, she’d cooked dinner for everyone a few times when she was staying with us in Los Angeles and they all immediately fell in love with her meatballs, it also meant that I was being asked to make them a lot more frequently.

“I think the plan is to make them Sunday so that Harry can rest and enjoy a quiet day at home.”

“And we are all invited?”

“Our doorman will let you in whether you are invited or not. So yes, you’re invited.” It wasn’t much longer and we were at the airport. The driver pulled up somewhere to park and I hopped out of the car to go get Mom. “You don’t have to walk with me, T.”

“I know. I want to.” It wasn’t long waiting before I saw my Mom walking towards us with her backpack on. I’d bought it for her when we were traveling as well as a camera, a laptop and a few things she might enjoy having when she travelled and they all fit nicely in the backpack. I hurried over to her and we embraced in a tight hug.

“Hi, Ma.”

“Hi, Annie.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” We finally ended our hug and I saw her look to my right where Tommy was standing. “Hi, Tommy.”

“Hi, Joy. How was your flight?”

“It was great. These kids needs to stop spoiling me. First class was completely unnecessary.”

“You were on a plane so early this morning that the least we could do was make sure you were comfortable. We are going to head to SNL’s studios and meet Harry for lunch. We can stick around there this afternoon if you want or we can head home or do whatever you want.”

“We will figure it out. See what Harry wants us to do.”

“Told ya,” I said looking at Tommy as we got her luggage and started to head to the car.

“Told ya, what?” Mom asked.

“She said that you were coming to see Harry and not her.”

“Well, it’s kind of true. She’s not going to be on Saturday Night Live. This is a big deal, Annie. It’s not like when you send me snapchat videos of you being weird. He’s on SNL.”

“See, chopped fucking liver.” Mom just laughed as she followed me out of the airport and towards the car. We made small talk as we drove through the city but Mom was easily distracted. She’d point out everything we passed that she was excited about, which was pretty much everything. We pulled up outside Rockefeller Center and hurried upstairs, bringing her bags with us.

“Joy!” Harry practically screamed when we walked into his dressing room where he was sitting with Jeff and his band. He jumped up off of the chair and engulfed her in a hug.

“Hi, Harry.”

“Have a nice flight?” he asked.

“It was good, thank you for the upgrade.”

“Of course. Are you ready for lunch?”

“Yes,” she said. “Are you sure you have time for lunch?”

“We made sure he had time,” Jeff added as he stood up and hugged my Mom. She was almost like a mother to everyone. She’d met the whole band, she and Lou had known each other for years and sometimes she and Jeff had been known to text back and forth about things. We headed out of the dressing room and to the elevator to get to one of the restaurants. Harry grabbed my hand and pulled me into him.

“I forgot to tell you this morning how cute you looked.”

“Thanks babe.”

“So tonight we are going to do dinner with your Mom. Just the three of us.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. I knew that this was a big week. Time away from his team was rare. “We had a date night last night. I don’t want to keep you busy tonight too.”

“I always have time for you and our date night last night wasn’t keeping me from anything. It was just what I needed. And tonight, we get Mom time. I thought you’d want some alone time with her tonight. Things just get busier for the rest of the week, so tonight is for family.” He bent down to kiss me as the door opened.

“Come on lovebirds,” Adam said. I flipped him off before walking into the elevator.

“You’re just jealous that the wife didn’t come on the trip.”

“I am. Completely jealous. She says hi, by the way.”

“Tell her I miss her. We will have all of you over for dinner once we are all home. I miss the kids.”

“She’ll love that.” The elevator door opened and we made our way to the restaurant and then were taken to a private room for us to all have lunch. I was in between Mom and Harry with Lou next to Mom.

“So I have an idea,” I said as I leaned forward to talk to Lou. “I need your help.”

“What’s the idea?” she asked.

“Think cotton candy.”

“Okay…”

“Let’s chop my hair and dye it pink. Help him celebrate the pink album.”

“I love it!” Lou said.

“That would be cute,” Mom added.

“Tomorrow he doesn’t need me. Girls day?” Lou asked.

“Perfect. Mom, you okay with that?”

“Of course. I love a girls day with you two.” Lou and I sat silently texting each other ideas for shades of pink to dye my hair, I wanted to surprise Harry with it. We were trying to decide how much of my hair to cut off and what color to go. With a tour approaching short hair might be nice but also buns. I survived on top knots, ponytails and buns of all sorts because I hated taking the time to do my hair most days.

“Are you coming back with us?” Harry asked as we stood to leave the restaurant.

“Of course. But tomorrow I’m stealing Lou. We are having a girls day with Mom.”

“That sounds like a fabulous idea. Maybe you should try and get massage appointments. You need one. Your back has been acting up.”

“You should give me one.”

“I could be convinced to do that.” He kissed me again before stepping into the elevator. The rest of the afternoon Mom and I hung out with Harry’s team and watched a few of his rehearsals with his band. The crowd from the show that gathered to listen to him perform was bigger than I expected and everyone was whispering back and forth about how great he was. I swelled with pride watching him and hearing what everyone said. Once we were done we gathered his stuff, Mom’s bags and climbed into the car that would take us home. We got Mom settled and then headed to a restaurant not far from the apartment for dinner. "A toast to you, Joy. Thank you for joining us this week. It means a lot to have you here to support Annie and I.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she replied. We all clinked wine glasses and jumped into conversation. Harry had Mom and I laughing as usual. I loved how well they got along. I’d been so nervous when he first met all of my family. Our relationship moved quickly and we were unconventional. But everyone loved him and welcomed him to the family as if he’d always been there. We made our way back to the apartment early so Mom could get some sleep. Harry and I headed into the bedroom by ourselves.

“Today was a good day,” he said as he climbed into bed next to me and took my phone from my hand. “So what are you and Lou doing tomorrow?”

“Doing some shopping with Mom. Probably getting mani/pedis. You know, girl stuff.” She had gone out and bought the coloring we would need and we were prepared to do the shopping and the mani/pedis but mainly we were ready to do my hair.

“That should be fun. Your Mom however isn’t a mani/pedi fan normally." He had started to rub my shoulders as I moaned a bit.

“We started to get them done with we traveled last summer. She likes them now. She just hadn’t ever gotten them enough.”

“You’re a good daughter to treat her to this kind of fun.”

“You’re a good future son-in-law to help treat her. I love you,” I said as I turned over in bed so I could look at him. He bent down and kissed me softly.

“I love you too.” We snuggled into each other and fell asleep quickly. In the morning there were alarms and texts and phone calls and emails and people and no alone time after we emerged from the bedroom. “Have fun today,” Harry said before he was ready to head out of the apartment. He wrapped his arms around me.

“Sing pretty today. I’ll see you tonight.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.” He bent down to kiss me and was quickly taken out of the house. “Okay so pink hair?” I turned to look at Mom and Lou who were the only people left in the apartment.

“I’m so excited about this,” Lou admitted. “He’s going to be blown away.”

“I hope he likes it. We all know he loves my hair long, chopping it off might not be the best plan.”

“You loved his hair long, he chopped it off,” Mom said. Lou and I both started laughing.

“And he keeps it so fucking short. I miss the long hair of the man I fell in love with. So yes, this is payback.”

“We’ve cut your hair short before and he liked it. You also know that when you’re running around on tour you enjoy having short hair. And, there’s always stennies.”

“Yes, but first we have reservations for brunch down the street before appointments for massages and mani/pedis.”

“For all of us?” Mom asked.

“Yes, Harry did this last night. When I told him we were having a girls day he took it literally.” They both laughed. We grabbed what we’d need and walked down the street to the restaurant we were having brunch at. We had mimosas and more pastries than imaginable in addition to a great breakfast. Days like this with Lou when we were on the road with One Direction had always been my favorite. We’d steal Lyla and Lottie sometimes and occasionally it would be just us. We’d formed a bond on that first tour that hadn’t been broken in the years since. l knew how important she was to Harry and made sure that she knew she was important to me too.

Once we were done with brunch it was off to a spa nearby. Harry had really arranged for everything. Massages, facials, pedicures and manicures. Of course I picked a blush pink polish knowing that supporting this man I loved’s pink obsession was my goal for the day. We bought some snacks and champagne on the way back to the apartment and Lou got to work. She was getting everything set up so I decided it was time to do an instagram shot of my nails.

bookshopbirdie: Anything is possible with sparkle and a little bit of pink.

We took over the master bath as she chopped my hair off. It was one of those moments where I held my breath and closed my eyes as she did the major cut. It had been well over a year since we’d cut my hair and it was rather long. I felt the scissors and heard them as they cut through my hair.

“Okay, it’s gone,” Lou said. I finally released my breath and opened my eyes. “I still need to give it shape, obviously. But it's gonna be cute.” I reached up and ran my fingers through my hair.

“I’m gonna love it.” Mom was sitting on the counter in the bathroom and talking to us as Lou gave my hair a style and started coloring it. She’d just finished with the last picture of it when we heard the elevator open in the living room and the commotion of everyone in the house.

“Sugar, we’re home!” Harry called.

"Good luck,” Lou said as I took a deep breath and walked towards the living room.

“How was today?” I asked.

“Good. Rehearsals are great. The sketches are going well. I’m getting excited.” Harry turned to look at me and his mouth fell open. “You…you…you cut your hair.”

“Technically, Louise cut my hair.”

“And you colored it…pink.”

“Again, that was technically Lou.”

“It’s beautiful,” he said as he ran his fingers through my hair. “What made you decide to do this?”

“I wanted to support my wonderful fiancé. As he likes to remind me, pink is the only true rock and roll color.” “You are amazing.”

“Eh, I do what I can.” He laughed before kissing me and running his fingers through the pink hair again. Our night was fun and quiet. We were ready for tomorrow to be one final day of Harry in rehearsals before Saturday which would be the big dress rehearsal and live show. We were up early for breakfast with Mom and some of Harry’s team before heading to NBC’s studios. Mom and I did the tour around there during the day as a way to have fun and keep busy while Harry was working. She was having a lot of fun watching him rehearse with his band, which we did make sure to get to.

“He’s incredible,” she said in between songs when they had stopped to talk about some stuff. I was on my laptop doing some writing and she was sitting beside me. “He was always fun to watch on stage with the boys but this is just so different. You have got to be so proud of him.”

“I’m unbelievably proud of him. I mean there’s a line of people sleeping on the street already to see him and they only know what one song sounds like. He’s in his element. It’s nice to see him this happy because of his music and for it to be all his.”

“I can’t wait to hear the whole thing.”

“We can do that before you leave. He’s still being super protective of it but tonight maybe we can listen. It will just be the three of us at home. He wanted to have a quiet night tonight before tomorrow and Sunday which will be lots of his team. And Nick is flying in today.”

“He is?” Mom asked.

“Yeah, he and his Mom are coming to see Harry tomorrow and spend some time in the city for his birthday. They are going to come for dinner Sunday since Jeff has declared that we are making meatballs for everyone.”

“That sounds like a perfect way to spend Sunday, though I'm sure you two will be out late tomorrow night after the show. Don’t they usually have an afterparty?”

“They do and we’ll go but we both are used to functioning on little to no sleep. Lots of travel and crazy these days.”

“Well, I can wake up and get started on stuff. We can go buy everything we need tomorrow before we have to come to the studio.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Harry walked over to us.

“How do I sound?” he asked. “You sound great,” I replied.

“You’re fantastic!” Mom gushed. I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t be the only one who cried tomorrow watching him. “Thank you for inviting me to be here for this. I really like ‘Ever Since New York’, it reminds me of what I listened to when I was your age.”

“That shouldn’t come as a surprise. Your daughter plays most of that stuff around the house so it was bound to influence me at some point. What are you working on, sweetheart?”

“A blog with some of the pictures I’ve taken while I’ve been here. You did sound great though. You look comfortable with the guitar. I like it.”

“Well, they only need me to do a few more things and then we can get out of here and go home. I figured we could get that Chinese delivery we tried the last time we were here. Joy will like it.”

“Yes, she will. So that is perfect.” He finished up what he needed to do and we were in the car headed home. Mom and I both broke into some wine as soon as we go home. “So, Harry, baby, Mom hasn't heard the whole record. How do you feel about playing it for her?”

“Nervous,” he said laughing. “But we can do that.”

“I would really like that,” she replied. He got everything ready and we sat down in the living room, Harry now joining us with a small glass of wine, and he hit play.

I could still remember the first time I heard every song. The first time I heard them played together, in order. I cried. We had listened, just the two of us after he decided the track listing. We were at the house in LA, it was a quiet weekday afternoon with warm weather and the windows open. He was nervous to play it for me, worse than he was now because playing it for my Mom was one thing, but playing the album for me was something he admitted to me terrified him. If the person he loved more than anything hated what he’d done he wouldn’t know how to function. Luckily for both of us, I was in love with the album. The sounds he created, the lyrics, and the emotion struck me from the first time I heard it and still did now.

“We don’t talk about it/It’s something we don’t do/Cause once you got without it/Nothing else will do.”

Meet Me in the Hallway faded to a close and he hit stop. He didn’t want to keep listening to an album with someone if they didn’t like the first track. He knew in that moment that he’d need to leave if the first song didn’t appeal to his listener. He paced when he played it for me the first time in order and I’d been there for every step of him writing and recording the album. He looked up and waited for my Mom to speak. She was someone who always put a lot of thought into what she said when it came to our work, both mine and Harry’s. She wanted to give us her opinion, soften it if she thought it would hurt one of us. She opened her mouth and then hesitated.

“Harry, it’s beautiful.”

“You're not just saying that?”

“No, it’s a wonderful song but so heartbreaking. Just listening I can feel the pain of what you were going through.”

This was the point where I’d get nervous every time the song played to one of our family members. The song was something that broke my heart the first time he played it for me. I knew the exact day he was writing about. The way he felt, the way I felt. It was a day I wouldn’t ever get out of my head. We rarely fought, but we’d been through a lot of stuff in our time together. This song was his emotion on the day of our one of our biggest fights to date. A day that I’d locked myself in the bedroom and refused to leave. My anxiety and depression was getting the best of me. He was always the one who wanted to talk through what we were going through, I wanted to just cry and be fine. He sat on the floor of the hallway for hours that night until he finally got up and walked around the park for a while. When he got home the door had finally been unlocked and he crawled in bed beside me. When he played the song for me I was transported back to our bedroom and could recall everything down to the pajamas I had on that day and shirt he’d grabbed as I threw him out of the room. His ability to channel that pain into something so beautiful was amazing.

“Thank you.”

“You look nervous, Annie,” Mom said.

“It’s a hard song to listen to still.” Harry pulled me into him on the couch, kissing the top of my head. My legs were pulled up into my chest at this point. “A lot of emotions being brought up again. But it’s a beautiful song, one of my favorites.”

“Really?” he asked. I nodded. He started to play the rest of the album. It was always fun to see if people could pick out lyrics that were about me or try to guess if they were about someone else from his past, his mother had done the same thing. Though it didn’t take long for either of them to figure out Sweet Creature wasn’t about me, it was about Gemma. It was Anne’s favorite song he’d ever written and probably always would be. Only Angel started and I watched my Mom’s face light up. It was my favorite song on the record and one I knew the moment I heard it she’d love. The choir, the guitar, the way he channeled The Rolling Stones in the sound, it was something I knew she’d love immediately. The second half of the album always blows me away listening to it and it did Mom as well.

“Harry, you have a masterpiece on your hands. I can now understand why Annie gushes constantly about this album. You did a great job. I can’t wait to actually go out and buy a physical copy of it to have it.”

“Thanks, Joy. That means a lot.”

“So which song is your favorite, Annie?”

“Only Angel.”

“She’s selfish.”

“Why is that?” Mom asked.

“It’s the only song that is blatantly about her and not utterly heartbreaking.” Mom started to laugh loudly. “The rest are a combination of women in my life, women in Mitch’s life, and some of the others that wrote with me. She’s my angel.”

“And when he thinks about me he hears fucking choirs in his head,” I said as I started to laugh loudly. Harry just shook his head at me. We ate dinner and I searched through Twitter. and took time to post a picture of my hair on Instagram.

bookshopbirdie: Pink is the only true rock and roll color.

“Everyone loved the delivery of stuff earlier today.” He’d had coffee, water, juice, and fruit delivered. Amongst the fruit, platters of cut kiwis to taunt them and make them think he’d be singing Kiwi this weekend.

“I’m having pizzas delivered tonight. Those fans are diehard. They deserve a reward,” he said as he opened up his fortune cookie from dinner. “A dream you have will come true.”

“Well, I’d say that’s true,” I said as I smiled at him and opened mine. “You will marry your lover.”

“One can only hope,” he replied as he rolled his eyes. Mom laughed. She was the only person in my family that we joked like this around. My Dad, Step-Mom, brother and sister-in-law were all anxious for us to settle down and get married. They constantly asked if we’d set a date. Mom just knew it would happen when we were ready for it to.

“Awww, mine is so true.” We both looked at my Mom as she held handed her fortune to us. Harry took it from her and read it.

“There is no greater pleasure than seeing your loved ones prosper.” He smiled before pulling her into a hug. It was another early night for us to go to bed knowing the day ahead of us tomorrow. I laid in there with Harry listening to him talk through the excitement for the next day until he made himself tired enough that he fell asleep.

When we woke up in the morning I made breakfast so he had a meal early and a way to start the day without having to eat something from a coffee shop or cafe. He was off to the studios earlier than Mom and I were. We took time to hang out at home and for me to get dressed since I was dressing nicer than I had all week. I'd gotten a black mini dress with lace on the shoulders and an embroidered bird design to wear tonight. It looked perfect with the pink hair. I grabbed a jacket to bring with me and we were off. Nick had text me that they would meet us at the studios. They were waiting in the lobby when we walked in.

“You look lovely,” he said as he hugged me and kissed my cheek.

“Thanks, you look wonderful yourself. You ready for this?”

“I should be asking you that. You cried sitting in the studio watching me hit play on his song for the first time and we were recording it in advance of when it aired. Are you ready?”

“Yes, I have tissues in my purse and Lou promised to touch my makeup up before we all go out tonight.” All of us piled into an elevator and headed up to find Harry. I walked into the dressing room and he was dressed for the start of the show in all black. A black suit and black shirt. My heart skipped a beat. There were hugs all around and small talk before everyone filed out to give Harry and I a moment alone together.

“You’re going to be amazing,” I said as I was sitting on his lap on the sofa.

“I’m so happy I have you hear with me.” He started to kiss my neck.

“I’d be nowhere else right now. In this moment there is only one place in the world I need to be and that’s with you.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you. You’re going to be great. No matter what happens tonight, you need to remember one thing.”

“That you’re proud of me?”

“Yes, I’m so proud of you. I feel lucky to have been able to be with you through this process. To see you go from being part of a band of five to a band of four to commanding the stage on your own has been a journey that I’ve been so lucky to witness. Thank you for choosing me to be in your life.”

“Thank you for finally saying yes to drinks. I will never in my life complain about a snowstorm again because if there hadn’t been a blizzard that weekend I don’t think I’d have you.”

“I know what you mean. Every time it snows I think about waking up snuggled up next to you in that old apartment under the quilt you gave me and how agreeing to drinks those night and one snowstorm changed my life.”

“It changed mine too.” He kissed me softly and sweetly. I didn't want to leave the dressing room. I just wanted to stay snuggled up to him in this moment forever. That’s when I heard the knock at the door.

“Annie, you need to go get your seat,” Jeff said.

“She’ll be out in a minute.” Harry rested his forehead against mine and looked straight into my eyes. “I love you more than the world.”

“And I love you. You’re going to do amazingly.” One final kiss and I stood up. I opened the door to see Jeff standing there. I hugged him. “Thank you. Thank you for believing in him and getting him here.”

“I had the easy job. He’s amazing and you know it.”

“Still, I’m grateful that you are who is helping him through this. Anyone else wouldn’t be capable of understanding him in the way you do. So thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You should go grab your seat. I have you with your Mom, Nick and his Mom in the front row.” I took off down the hallway and sat down in between my Mom and Nick.

“How is he?” Nick asked.

“As good as we could ask him to be considering what tonight is.” There was still time before the show started and I wanted to show off my dress because Harry kept going on about how he loved it when we were in together.

bookshopbirdie: All dressed up for a big night on the town.

You could hear the announcements throughout the studio that it was almost time to start. As the lights went down Mom grabbed for my hand holding it in hers just as Nick did the same with my other. I looked at them both and smiled as I squeezed their hands in mine. They didn’t let go once, not even when they laughed at the cold open which had Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump, the Grim Reaper version of Steve Bannon that SNL had been using, and Jimmy Fallon as the most frat boy version of Jared Kushner ever. Here we were waiting for the moment that Harry took the stage. The anticipation that led into it was finally going to give us our reward. I thought I’d be less nervous once the show started, but I was wrong. The nerves only built when I heard those words.

“Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

From the moment they announced that Harry would be on SNL I knew I wanted to write that moment from Annie’s perspective. The pride of seeing him prepare for it and get to the night where he would have the biggest performance of his life. Yes, I know there’s a bit of a cliffhanger. Maybe someday I will write her basically bawling her eyes out as he performs. But for now, this is what I wanted to write.

I hope you all love it. I can’t wait to hear what you think.

Now it’s time to get back to work on In the Heat of Los Angeles! I miss being in Evie’s crazy brain.

xx AM.

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jornami · 7 years ago

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A Winter’s Ball {Part 2}

Upon popular request I present to you... A Winter’s Ball Part 2

A/N: Yikes...okay so that anon asked me to “make it really angsty but with lots of fluff.” … Sorry, my darling

Request: may i request an alexander x female! schuyler sisters reader where the reader is the 4th schuyler sister. out of her, angelica, and eliza - reader connects the most with alexander at the winters ball. after the ball and many letters being exchanged, angelica and reader go to london where angelica gets married and reader has a better education. upon reader's return, she sees that alex and eliza are engaged and alex never mentioned it in his letters!! pls make it rly angsty but w/a lot o fluff

Warnings: historical inaccuracies, angst, mentions of religion, major character deaths, you heard me...plural…

Masterlist | Request! | Part 1

“This is a joke, right?” you said, hoping it was a prank. “Right?”

Eliza finally spoke up, “I’m sorry, but he makes me really happy.”

“He made me happy too, and before he was yours he was mine!” you screamed, tears welling in your eyes. “‘I’m sorry, but he makes me really happy.’ You're pathetic, Eliza!”

“Y/N, honey, please calm down,” you father said in a calm tone.

“No!” you shouted at him. “You gave him your blessing when you know I loved him!”

“Young lady, lower your voice!” you father said, his voice rising in volume.

“Father is right, Y/N,” Angelica began but you cut her off.

“Don’t you dare!” you shouted, pointing a finger at her. “You knew about this the whole time and you didn’t tell me. What happened to no secrets, Angelica?”

Angelica began to say something, but was at a lost for words. You looked around the table at your awestruck family.

“You’re all pathetic,” you spat and stormed up the stairs to your old bedroom.

You crawled under your covers and cried your eyes out. You had so many questions. How could your family keep a secret like this from you? More importantly—why? What happened between Eliza and Alexander while you were gone? You were pulled out of your thoughts by a light knock on your door.

“Go away,” you huffed.

“Y/N, it’s me, please let me in,” a honey-like voice belonging to your sister Peggy said.

“Do you have biscuits and jam?” you asked.

When you two were kids it was your favorite snack; it always made everything better.

“Of course,” you could hear the smile in her voice.

You got up from the warmth of your bed and walked over to unlock your bedroom door. You saw your sister with a basket full of biscuits and jam. You smiled at her and pulled her into your room, shutting the door behind her.

You two ate in silence for a little while until Peggy finally broke it.

“We’re gonna have to talk at some point, Y/N,” she said as she put jam on another one of the biscuits.

You didn’t answer her, you just picked at your nails.

“Forget it,” she sighed and began to walk to the door.

“You knew,” you deadpanned.

“Yes, but every time I tried to write to you one of them stopped me,” Peggy said as she sat back down next to you.

“They did not!” you gasped in disbelief and Peggy just nodded her head.

“Y/N, I know you loved him,” she began and placed her hand on yours. “but remember when I was pining over one of father’s coworkers’ son and he got married? You told me that everything happens for a reason and that if two people are meant to be they will find their way back to each other. And as a good sister, it's my job to tell you the same thing when you need it.”

You smiled and pulled her into a hug, “With all the rain clouds hanging above my head right now, I'm so lucky to have you. You're the sun that peeks through the clouds, my darling sister.”

As long as you had your partner in crime, you were going to be alright.

December 14, 1780

“Can you believe that in just a matter of minutes I'll be walking down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams?” Eliza gushed as Angelica put in her veil.

“Man of my dreams,” you wanted to say.

“I'm just saying if you really loved me you would share him,” Angelica sang.

“Ha! Never in a million years,” Eliza giggled.

“All done!” Angelica clapped her hands together.

“You look stunning,” Peggy awed.

“She really does, and all because of me!” Angelica agreed, praising her handy work.

“Thank you, but you must go if we want the ceremony to start on time!” Eliza told her sisters.

Angelica and Peggy rushed downstairs, and you started to trail behind them.

“Y/N, wait,” Eliza called after you.

“Yes?” you replied and walked back into the room.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I'm fine,” you lied.

“No you're not,” she saw through your façade. “I've known you all my life, I know when you're not okay.”

“I'm fine, Eliza,” you smiled weakly and hugged her from behind.

“So you're not upset about Alexander?” she mumbled.

You sighed, “If I couldn't have him, I'm glad you could.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, tears pricking her eyes.

“Yes, darling, I'm absolutely sure,” you smiled at her reflection in the mirror. “No crying, until after the ‘I do’s,’ okay?”

She nodded and wiped her tears.

“You look beautiful today, darling,” you told her sincerely and placed a kiss atop her head. “I'll see you down there.”

You walked out of the room and closed the door behind you. Of course, you were upset that she was marrying Alexander. Maybe even heartbroken, but you loved Eliza more than anything in this life. You would choose her happiness over yours every time.

“Everyone give it up for the maid of honor, Y/N Schuyler!” John Laurens cheered, three sheets to the wind.

“A toast to the groom!” you drunkenly yelled, raising your glass.

“To the groom!” the crowd echoed.

“To the bride!” you yelled.

“To the bride!” the crowd boomed.

“May you always be satisfied!” you giggled. You were drunk off your ass and you couldn't care less. “Oh, and Alexander! If you ever break her heart, may the lord show you mercy because I sure won't.”

“Noted,” Alexander smiled and kissed Eliza's forehead.

You sat back down in your seat.

“May they always be satisfied,” you muttered to yourself and chugged the rest of your champagne. “because I sure won't.”

April 17, 1784

Angelica had walked down the aisle first. Then Eliza and Peggy after that. On April 17, 1784, it was finally your turn. Shortly after Eliza and Alexander’s wedding, you met a dashing soldier named John Grismore. He was no Alexander, but there was only one Alexander Hamilton.

“Ready for the first day of the rest of your life?” Peggy asked you as she tied your corset.

“Ready as I'll ever be,” you smiled.

Throughout the years, you watched Alexander and Eliza’s happy marriage. When they went on their honeymoon, when they bought their first house, when they had their first kid. You hate to admit it, but you often fantasized about doing all those things, and more, with Alexander. The Bible says, "Thou shall not covet,” and you spent years in an average marriage doing exactly what you were told not to in Sunday school.

August 25, 1792

If there was one time you didn't yearn for Alexander was in 1792, when Alexander published the Reynolds Pamphlet. It was 95 pages, tell-all, of Alexander’s affairs. When you and Angelica got news of the pamphlet, you two dropped everything you were doing, and rushed to your sister's aid.

Alexander greeted you at the steps that led to the front of your house.

“Y/N, finally, someone who understand what I'm struggling here to do,” he said frantically and lifted your hand so he could kiss it.

“I'm not here for you!” you gaped in disbelief and snatched your hand away.

“Angelica?” he said desperately.

“We're here for our sister, Alexander,” Angelica said calmly, the type of calm that has no place in a situation like this. “we'll talk later.”

Angelica ushered you in the house and you two walked into the living room where Eliza stood in front of the fireplace. She was tossing letters into the flames.

“I hope that he burns,” Eliza said coldly, a glassy look clouding her eyes.

Later that night, you walked into Alexander’s office with an oil lamp in your hands.

“Let's go for a walk,” was all you said and waited for him to follow you.

You two walked out into the open field in the front of their house.

“Congratulations, Alexander,” you chuckled coldly. “you have officially hit rock bottom.”

“Y/N,” he sighed pathetically.

“Let's review,” you said, ignoring him. “you took a rumor that a few people knew and refuted it by sharing an affair of which no one has accused you. What sense does that make, Alexander?”

“Y/N,” he said again.

“I'm going to tell you this once, so listen clearly,” you told him. “Eliza is the best thing in our lives, so never lose sight of the fact that you have been blessed with the best wife. Enjoy her while you still have time with her.”

You exhaled deeply and turned to walk back in the house, leaving Alexander standing there dumbfounded.

July 2, 1804

Another day you'd never forget was the day Alexander died. You, Angelica, and Eliza were all by his side when it happened. The next few week were extremely hard on all you, but Eliza finally decided it was time to move on to the next chapter of her life. Angelica went back to London, and you returned to Virginia. Eliza thought the first step to moving on was cleaning out Alexander’s study. She combed through letters for hours. Most of them were addressed to colleagues, but their was one that caught her eye. It was addressed to you.

My dearest, Y/N

I've been wracking my brain for months on how I should say this. Should I tell you in person or should I send a letter? I figured a letter would be more pleasant for both of us. I love you, and not in a sibling way. More of in a romantic way. These feelings are not new for I've felt them since the first day I met you. While I still love Eliza and she's the light of my life, it has always been you. I'll probably never send this in order to avoid a civil war between the family. But in case you ever find this, I love you, forever and always.

Forever your conflicted and confused,

A. Ham

The guilt that hadn't plagued Eliza since her wedding day suddenly returned. She never told you, but she always felt guilty for marrying the guy her sister loved. It was selfish of her and she knew it. If she could go back and reject his proposal, she would, but it was too late now.

April 13, 1850

So there you and Eliza were; the final frontier. You and her were the only remaining ones. Peggy went first, next was Alexander, and then Angelica. Now, it was your turn. You lied on your deathbed, Eliza clutching your hand.

“My dearest Eliza, tell our story,” was the last thing you said to her before you took your final breath.

“I will, darling,” Eliza said, tears streaming down her cheeks.

What they don't tell you is that after you die, your soul doesn't immediately pass on to heaven. Your soul lingers in the room so you can hear your family's final goodbyes.

“Y/N, I'm so sorry that I married Alexander,” she confessed. “I knew you loved him, but I married him anyway. It was incredibly selfish of me. I hope that in the afterlife you finally get to have the life with him you never had on earth. Make sure to tell him that I said hi.”

You opened your eyes and saw Alexander standing in front of you. He had an ethereal aura around him that made him glow.

“Alexander,” you smiled and hugged him tightly.

“Y/N,” he said, spinning you around.

You pulled away from the hug and kissed him passionately, something that was long overdue.

"She gave us her blessing, Alexander," you beamed. "The only one we ever needed."

#i don't know why the anon wanted this so badly??#but i don't break promises #alexander hamilton x reader #alexander x reader #alexander hamilton imagine #hamilton fanfic #alexander hamilton oneshot #i wrote my way out #my writing #:)

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my-dear-hammy · 7 years ago

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Basking in Firelight-Jamilton Sequel-Part Fifty Two

Masterpost

Part Fifty-Two: Scars

Went on a long walk today, I read Common Sense by Thomas Paine while I did so. Jefferson would be so proud.

Enjoy!

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Warnings below- heh heh heh

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"How the fuck did you get in here?" Hamilton half yelled, reaching for the knife he always kept tucked on his person.

"Oh don't be so dramatic. That's my job," King George smirked, "and I have my ways. Scorn has a way of opening doors."

Jefferson and Hamilton shared a look, what? That was complete nonsense.

"You're the target of a nationwide manhunt. What's keeping us from apprehending you right now?" Jefferson asked.

"Information." King George picked at his nails. "More specifically, blackmail."

Hamilton raised an eyebrow. "What kind of blackmail?"

"Your relationship," the king cooed, "Can't have that getting out, now can we?"

Jefferson and Hamilton looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Ha! You don't even know about our duress," Hamilton almost sang.

"It's true, there's nothing between us, I confess," Jefferson shrugged.

"What are you talking about? You two made out in front while standing on the table."

Jefferson looked to Hamilton, confused. Had that actually happened? Hamilton ignored him, King George was just missing their true weakness. Jefferson's memory loss. If word got spread around about that, people would doubt his ability to lead. It didn't, the only thing Jefferson couldn't seem to remember was Hamilton. Even then he could remember all of the plans and ideals he opposed Hamilton on in the 1700-1800's, just not Hamilton himself. But that wouldn't stop the people or his enemies from using it against him.

"It's not a thing anymore," Hamilton said authoritatively, "We broke it off."

"Delicious! Details! I want details!" the king cried. "It must be so much fun being stuck in an office with your ex all day. Tell me all the juicy bits."

Jefferson swore the king was a teenager bent on gossiping.

"Can I kill him?" Hamilton asked.

"Not in the Presidential Office. I don't want to stain the rugs."

"We could just get new ones."

"Alexander, they're brand new."

"Ugh, fine." The king had the decency to look a little frightened. "So what are we going to do with him?" Hamilton asked.

"Put him on trial," Jefferson replied as the king picked his nails casually, still relaxing behind Jefferson's desk.

"That's too good for the likes of him," Hamilton protested.

"Everyone deserves a trail."

The king interrupted their conversation, "It's amusing you assume that you have me in a corner," a sly smirk stretched across his face.

"What're you talking about?" Hamilton asked.

The king stood, stretched and walked over the window, looking out over the view. "Beautiful location you chose, Jefferson." He turned and leaned against the window sill, smiling. "I can't wait to steal it from you."

Hamilton and Jefferson realized what the king was up to, but too late. The king toppled over backward out of the window, falling a couple stories. The two of them rushed to the window, praying that he slipped up and splattered on the ground. Instead, they saw him land smoothly on a horse and gallop off.

"That motherfucker stole my horse!" Jefferson yelled, planting a foot on the window sill, about to launch himself after the king.

"Thomas, stop!" Hamilton pulled him back inside. "It's just a horse."

Jefferson wanted to protest, that horse was important. Hamilton had given it to him. But Hamilton held him in place and closed the window. "I swear, I'm going to hunt that fucker down and smash his face in."

"Just not in the presidential office, don't want to stain your precious rugs," Hamilton mocked.

Jefferson glared as Hamilton cackled. "I still want to know how he got in here," Jefferson said.

***

Months after their encounter with the King, Hamilton and Jefferson sat in their private room late one night. They'd taken to calling it the Candlelight Room since the only light was provided by candles and they were only in there after a terrible night of nightmares or restlessness. Tonight hadn't been that bad, but neither of them could sleep so they had found their own ways to the room for some relaxing tea.

Jefferson had taken his normal place, sprawled out over the chair, legs kicked up over an armrest, Hamilton laid back into the confines of the couch. "We've made some excellent progress," Hamilton commented, "The infrastructure is almost completely repaired, just a few things here and there. The Chinese agreed to give is a few years to get our affairs in order. The Treasury has a bit of money in it. The uprising have quieted down. All in all, we've done a lot of good in the few years we've been presidents."

"We certainly have," Jefferson said contentedly.

"The reelection coming up will be a breeze. There's no question of our reelection," Hamilton proclaimed with confidence. He stood up and made for the door, "We should get back to work, Thomas."

Jefferson was silent for a moment. "I'm stepping down, I'm not running for president."

"I'm sorry, what?" Hamilton froze, his hand on the doorknob.

"I'm not running for president next year. Relax, have a drink with me, let's take a break tonight." Jefferson pulled out a bottle of wine from nowhere and poured two glasses. Hamilton walked back over in a daze and sat down on the edge of the couch.

"No, Thomas-"

"*I have done for my country, and for all mankind, all that I could do, and now I resign my soul, without fear, to my God.*"

"Thomas, with King George and the Goveys ready to rebel, is this the best time?"

"I wish to retire to my books and live out the rest of my life as an ordinary citizen of our nation."

"But-"

"Pick up your glass and relax for the night."

Hamilton scooped up the glass. "As far as the people are concerned, you have to serve. You could continue to serve."

"No. This is my last year of service. The people need to remember how to rule themselves."

"Thomas, they will say you're weak."

"No, they'll see the nation is strong."

"Our position is so unique-"

"So let's use it to move them along."

"Why do you have to say goodbye?"

"It's time, Alexander. The nation has to learn to grow beyond its founders."

"It's too soon."

"Alexander, the nation will be fine without me. Just let me have tonight. Relax with me. We haven't had a day off in years." Hamilton reluctantly sat back and drank his wine. "You sulking doesn't count as relaxing," Jefferson chided.

"Fuck you."

Jefferson sighed.

Hamilton knew how much Jefferson secretly hated and loved politics. He knew that Jefferson would be happier in retirement, surrounded by his books and his violin, even if he was still far too young to retire, he guessed when you're rich, age doesn't matter. Hamilton could at least give him this night. Jefferson was right, after all, they hadn't had a night off in years. But there was only one way Hamilton knew he could manage to relax after having that information suddenly thrust upon him. Jefferson wasn't going to be happy about it either. "Fine, you want me to relax?" Hamilton asked, standing, setting his glass down on the table, "Then I'll relax."

Jefferson watched as he strode across the room. "What're doing?" Hamilton turned around with his cello in hand. Oh fuck. "No, no, no," Jefferson began to protest.

"You wanted me to relax, this is the only way how." Hamilton settled into the other chair opposite Jefferson and positioned the cello between his knees as he rosined up his bow.

Shit. Jefferson's eyes were glued to Hamilton's long fingers. He had two weaknesses in this world. Okay, three. Four, actually. One, Hamilton's elegant fingers. Two, his hair being played with, three, Hamilton arguing passionately with him, and four, Hamilton playing the cello. You know what, basically anything Hamilton did. Does that count as one then? Hamilton? He'd go with that.

Hamilton's hand slid down the horse hair, holding the rosin to it. What had Jefferson gotten himself into? If Jefferson were smart, he'd leave, right this second, before Hamilton had the chance to play a single note. Or he could at least grab his violin and use that to distract him. Jefferson chugged his wine as Hamilton positioned the bow over the strings.

The first note rang out loud and clear and beautiful. Fuck fuck fuck. It quickly turned into a quick paced blend of harmony and heaven, Hamilton's hands dancing gracefully along the strings, each note perfect. Good God.

Hamilton was getting really into the song. He hadn't played in ages and found himself relaxing, the knots in his muscles magically undoing themselves. The music flowed from him easily, the song getting faster as he continued. Why hasn't he played in so long? He should've played every night just to relieve his stress. Right as he was reaching the crescendo of the music, the notes building on each other, higher and faster, the cello was practically ripped from his hands. "Hey-" he exclaimed, only to be cut off by hot lips crashing against his.

Jefferson couldn't take it anymore. The crescendo undid every bit of self-control and tore down all the walls he'd so carefully built. He practically flung himself across the room and onto Hamilton who went rigid with surprise but quickly melted, his fingers hooking into Jefferson's belt loops to pull him closer.

No. Jefferson, you can't do this. This isn't right. You're both the presidents. This can't happen. What if King George finds out? What if they're discovered?

He began to pull away, regaining a bit of his control over himself. Hamilton sensed the movement, sat up straighter so the distance between them didn't widen and immediately ran his hands in Jefferson's hair. Jefferson shivered, his retreat halting for a moment before he shook the feeling off and went to try again. Hamilton twined his hands in the sweet spot of Jefferson's curls and tugged ever so lightly. "Goddamnit, Alexander" Jefferson swore, "that's not fair," Hamilton smirked and pulled Jefferson back down, he came easily and willingly, wanting every bit of Hamilton just as Hamilton wanted him.

He tugged on Jefferson's hair again, knowing just what it did to him. Jefferson groaned and bit Hamilton's lip, trying to get access to Hamilton's mouth as his hands slipped under his shirt and danced across his hot skin. Hamilton teased him and made him fight for entrance he so desired. Jefferson hissed and dragged his hand down Hamilton's chest and palmed him through his pants.

Hamilton arched and gasped at the sudden contact, Jefferson pressed his advantage and slipped his tongue between Hamilton's lips. Hamilton broke away for just a second, "That's not fair," he growled.

Jefferson grinned ferally, "You started it," and started kissing Hamilton again, this time access was freely surrendered. Hamilton's hands skittered down Jefferson's spine, his skin so hot he could feel it through Jefferson's shirt, it was almost burning.

"Alexander," Jefferson breathed suddenly, breaking off their kiss.

"What is it?" Hamilton asked, fighting for breath.

"I can't fuck you properly in a chair," Jefferson said, grinding his hips against Hamilton.

Hamilton hissed through his teeth. "The table then." He was instantly lifted off the chair and spread out on the table, Jefferson instantly straddling him and grinding against him. Hamilton clutched the side of the table, arching beneath Jefferson. After regaining control over himself, his hands snaked to Jefferson's shirt tugging at the hem. Jefferson's hands caught Hamilton's, suddenly hesitant. "What is it?" Hamilton asked.

Unlike Hamilton, Jefferson couldn't remember going this far before and was suddenly very self-conscious about his the tough skin that littered his body. Jefferson blushed slightly at Hamilton's question, unable to admit weakness. He let go of Hamilton's hands and let them continue their work.

Hamilton was now slightly concerned about what Jefferson was worried about so he slowly tugged the shirt over Jefferson's head, just in case Jefferson wanted to stop him. The shirt slipped off and was tossed on the floor. Jefferson watched Hamilton's eyes, searching for a reaction. Ah, so that was it. Hamilton smiled as he gazed at the dark skin of Jefferson's body. He ran his hand lightly over the scar tissue that littered his skin. His finger traced one that had been from a bayonet early on in the war. A knife wound, several bullet grazes. The bullet wound from getting shot when they first met in this life, right in his abdomen. Hamilton's gaze lingered on the newest ones, the ones he hadn't seen yet from the explosion that had torn Jefferson away from him. Metal shrapnel had shredded his skin in places, leaving a patchwork of scars. He ran his hand over them. The one that really hurt Hamilton's heart was the mass of scar tissue right between Jefferson's ribs. Hamilton felt anger rise in his chest. That's where Burr had shot him. That was the wound that took Jefferson away from Hamilton. The fatal wound. Hamilton placed his hand over it, closed his eyes and breathed. He opened them again and looked up at Jefferson, "Beautiful," Hamilton murmured. Jefferson relaxed slightly, had it really bothered him that much? Hamilton shirked off his own shirt and displayed his own set of scars from various battles.

Jefferson ran his hands down them, tracing each one, trying to remember the stories behind them. Hamilton had gotten shot a lot. Mostly clippings, but not all. He'd fought in two more wars than Jefferson. The war of 1812 and the first rebellion. He'd gotten stabbed a few times as well. Oh, the memories. Jefferson grazed over the bullet wound in his shoulder that he'd gotten when they first met and settled on the nastiest patch of tough tissue right over his heart. That was where a musket ball had torn through his him and ended his life whilst he was laughing.

"Did it hurt?" Jefferson asked.

Hamilton smiled. "No. Can't hurt a heart that's been already been lost." His own last words rang through his head, Ah, you cannot kill me with that shot, my heart died long ago! "But I've got it back now, mon cœur."

Jefferson bent down and kissed down Hamilton's jawline lovingly, "I wish I could remember."

Hamilton shut him up by capturing Jefferson's adventuring lips with his own, fisting his hands in Jefferson's so he cried out in pleasure, grinding against Hamilton again to try and relieve the pressure. Jefferson freed Hamilton of his pants, his full length springing free much to Hamilton's relief. Hamilton reached down and dragged his palm down Jefferson's clothed member. "Mon chéri," Jefferson gasped, "do you have any lube?"

"In my room," Hamilton breathed heavily. To Hamilton's dismay, Jefferson clambered off so Hamilton could go retrieve it. He reluctantly stood from the table and took the secret passageway. When he returned, Jefferson was standing in the middle of the room, stroking himself, preparing for him. Hamilton growled at the sight. Jefferson pulled him over, kissing him deeply whilst swiping the lube from Hamilton's hands and pushing him back onto the table.

Jefferson smeared some on his fingers and looked down at Hamilton, "Spread for me, darling." Hamilton complied. Jefferson situated himself over Hamilton as Hamilton wrapped his legs around Jefferson's waist. He slid his clean hand down Hamilton's chest, down, down and grasped Hamilton's cock right as he slipped a finger inside. Hamilton bucked, crying out, tightening around Jefferson's hand as he pumped. Jefferson hissed and added a second finger, sliding his other hand up and down along Hamilton.

He clutched the tables tightly as Jefferson worked, expertly drawing out unwilling strangled gasps from Hamilton. Jefferson pulled out his fingers and guided his tip to Hamilton's entrance after applying a generous amount of lube. "Ready?" he asked. Hamilton could only nod. Jefferson steadied Hamilton's hips his hands. "Scream for me, darling" he purred right before slamming fully into Hamilton, ramming into his prostate.

Hamilton screamed, bucking against Jefferson, pain giving way to pleasure as Jefferson rammed into him again. Hamilton swore, repented, prayed, and damned God all in one sentence as Jefferson pumped inside him. As they got their rhythm down, Jefferson wrapped one hand around Hamilton's cock again and started pumping, his thumb flicked over the tip.

"Darling, I'm gonna cum," Jefferson rasped his southern accent thickening, sending shivers down Hamilton's spine.

"Me too," Hamilton gasped. Jefferson tightened his gripped and slammed fully into Hamilton as they both came, their climax ripping screams from their throats and shuddering down their spines. After a moment of catching their breath, Jefferson scooped up his shirt from the floor and cleaned up the mess. Knowing Hamilton wouldn't be walking anytime soon, he scooped him up and carried him back to Hamilton's room and settle him on the bed. Jefferson wadded up the clothes and threw them in the laundry, he'd take care of that later. Right now, he crawled into the bed beside Hamilton, pulled him to his chest, covered themselves with the heavy blankets, and held him, breathing his scent and rubbing circles into his back until they both fell asleep.

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Warnings: Extreme smut

#alexander hamilton #hamilton #jefferson x hamilton #hamilton x jefferson #thomas jefferson x alexander hamilton #thomas jefferson #thomas jefferson x hamilton #alexander hamilton x thomas jefferson #hamilton x thomas jefferson #jamilton fanfiction #jamilton fanfic #jamilton #basking in firelight

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