#only ever used extra layers to quickly put something behind (like his cape)

[beastlyidiocy]

man i miss fucking sround in mspaint . anyways lalalala working on an artpiece ull see it Eventuslly:) It just the moment i made this blog life was like “1 million responsibilities blast go”

[saturnsstufff]

The Empress (pt.V)

Emperor Vacation! Pog! Remember to drink water today lovely’s!

also if you squint hard enough you might see me simping for C!Philza.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death

   The flight back to your village was long, it wasn't that you were in bad company, just after sitting so long you were extremely stiff. You could only shift positions so much before your butt, and legs were numb. So when Phil had mentioned seeing land, you were more than glad it was over.

  Phil was right about having a extra cloak on too, the wind was horrible, not to mention the altitude you flew at was already freezing. Phil and Techno were smart on leaving when we did though as well. By the time we reached the village it was easily past noon. You were kind of giddy on showing Phil around your village. On the way up you and him discussed a bit about it, and your heritage. He was very open and interested when you explained how everything came to where it was today. Along with going home, you were also more excited to see and hug your parents. You could only imagine what your father would say about you working for a ruler.

   When Phil and techno landed it was near the village, but also in a bit of a walking distance. Phil had made wind that he didn't want to land too close, and risk scaring anyone. After Phil had helped you out of the plane, all of you were stretching out. Especially Philza, he had made comments on how the plane's only down side was the confined space for his wings. When he let his wings span out you were awe struck. There were massive, easily wide enough to lift himself off the ground. The wings, although made for use, were oh so elegant. When Phil stretched you could see his figure better now. his wings spanning out wide behind him into the air, almost like a bird preparing flight. He wasn't in his normal Robes, instead he exchanged them for a simple black shirt that clung to his form. The arms were cut off, allowing you so see his fit arms. this didn't surprise you, the sword Phil always carried looked like it had a bit of weight to it. For being a father, Phil was very fit. Once his stretching was finished he took a light cloak from the plane and precisely wrapped it around his shoulders, minding his wings.

   Well you two worked the numbness away techno had approached. He also was stretching. But simultaneously shedding a few of his layers. He casually tossed the cloaks and capes into your seat of Phil's plane. You did shed a few layers like Phil, but not as many as Tech.

   "Are you sure you don't want something to block the sun? Sun burns suck" you said to techno. He unbuttoned the top two buttons to his shirt, before pulling his main braid out, changing the style for his ponytail.

   "If I wear to many I might get heat stroke" He said simply, watching you. Without his mask he wasn't as menacing, but you definitely weren't used to seeing his face. you gazed at him with a perplexed look. 

   "Heat stroke?" You knew what it was, but you were a little confused. He chuckled lightly as Phil looked up to you two.

   "My body runs hotter, princess" he crossed his arms, relaxing into his stance. You flushed at his words again. Glancing away to avoid his eye contact. ’fuckin’ hell there he goes again’ His tone was casual, but he was obviously still in his teasing mood.

   "Since Tech is part Piglin his body is always warmer than you or I, that's why sometimes he just walks around in the snow without freezin'" You looked up to Phil and nodded. It made sense, you will admit, sometimes you forget that techno isn't fully human. When you think of Piglins you usually think of a gold obsessed beast. But Techno carried himself with elegance and pride. Yes he adorned himself in gold, but that was part of who he was. He had a right to be proud of it.

   You started towards your village with the two. As if a unsaid agreement occurred they made you walk between them, walking like your own personal body guards. Techno strolled on your right well Phil kept close on your left. When you saw the children playing outside you smiled brightly. You missed this. The sound of children's laughter carried around like ringing bells. Sweet and ever so innocent.

    As you walked into town. Some of the older kids ran up to hug you, jumping into your arms without hesitation. You without a thought picked them up and spun them about in your arms. These were your friends. Your community was small so everyone was close. Phil and techno respected this and just quietly stepped aside to give you the moment. Soon some of the other towns people had stepped out to see what all the commotion was about. Your mother included.

   When she saw you her eyes lit up with love. She couldn't help but grab her skirt and run to you. Hugging you tightly to her chest, almost knocking you off your feet. Her tears of joy could be felt on your shoulder as you held her tight. Your nose buried into her neck, you missed this. You missed her. You missed the village. Everything just made you beyond happy at this moment. everywhere you looked there were smiles, wide and contagious. Soon you herd a quiet voice. Your father. When you looked up it was your turn to tear. he was hobbling over to you, his arms wide. You smiled widely hugging him tightly, but carefully. You didn't want to hurt him.

   "I did it.. I did it- I did it!" You were so ecstatic. Your father put his hand on the back of your head gently well he hugged you. You were his little girl, and he was beaming with pride for you. 

   "I'm so proud of you.." He was tearing. He was proud of you. So very proud of you. He was even happier to see you back home safely too. He pulled back, taking a moment to take you in, you looked a tad different from your trip. not in a bad way, just a little different. Your fathers eyes moved from you, to Techno and Phil. "I assume these two are with you?" Your father asked. He was mostly summing Tp techno, you assumed because he was basically a year older than you. Phil sent your father a kind smile and nodded.

   "Oh! Mhm! Sorry, I forgot to introduce them. This is Philza, and his Imperial Highness Technoblade." Your fathers eyes widened. When he realize was in the presence of royalty, he tried to go to his knee to bow. Techno quickly grabbed his arms in turn. Sopping him from doing so.

   "Please.. (y/n) told us of your pain. I couldn't ask formalities from you, sir" your father was speechless. He could only look at Techno with awe. Techno helped him stand properly. Only letting him go when he safely had himself steadied. Your mother chimed in.

   "Would you like something to eat or drink perhaps?" She asked looking between your father, Phil and Techno.

   After hearing the young emperor was in your house, the village was buzzing around trying to tidy up a little. Nestled inside your house however Techno and Phil were eating. You had ate, but also were packing a few more possessions that you held dear to you.

   You knew that after today you would start your full time job as a blacksmith. In the beginning you were nervous. Everything you herd about there kingdom was terrifying. But after seeing who is in control you actually have felt very at ease with them. Wilbur was ever so kind, Phil treated you like an additional child of his, and Techno was something all in himself. You did find yourself thinking back to how he has taken up the nickname 'princess' for you. It made you blush obviously, but it was just how he said it that made you want to hear it again, and again. He could be so brooding and quite. But also find a way to joke and tease. Not only that, but just from what had happened outside your home. He didn't want your father hurting himself on his own account. It was the little things like that, that somehow just made your heart maybe skip a little faster. 

   Well you pondered Techno and his family, you didn't realize that he was leaning on your door way until he spoke up.

   "Having troubles packing?" He asked. You couldn't help but jump. Turning to face him. His eyes were relaxed, along with his stance. He was just hanging about basically.

   "Sorta" you said. Glancing him over. He slowly walked into your room and looked about curiously. Mentally you were thankful you cleaned before you left. Your room was small, your bed shoved against the wall, navy blankets resting on top of the mattress. Next to the bed there was a nightstand with the candle still half melted from the last use. Your dresser was across your bed, old and worn, it had been your grandmothers previously. Next to that was a little desk you and your dad had built. Your room wasn't much, but you could tell somehow techno didn't mind. "Its hard in a way..." He looked up at you. His eyes dancing between yours.

   "How so?" He questioned as you sat on your bed. He took the que and leaned on your dresser. Respecting your space. He knew he wasn't familiar to you like Wilbur or phil. He did want to get to know you more, but he also didn't want to force you to befriend him.

   "Well... I mean I've grown up here. All my life and memories are here... I know I can make more at the palace with you and your family." You smiled softly. "Wilbur already wants to teach me how to ice skate..." Techno smiled a little.

   "I bet you'll fall" he mused. You laughed a bit. smiling down to the boards under your feet. 

   "I probably will.” you were smiling gently, It’s the little actions like this that made you happy to see the family for what they were. Rather then what the rumors had painted them as. “I dunno, I know I want to work for you. I know my parents will appreciate the money and-" at this Techno’s brow furrowed slightly before he cut you off.

   "(Y/n) are you sure your doing this for yourself. Or for your parents?" The question took you aback briefly. Earning a slight head tilt. Techno pressed his lips, thinking of how to continue. "Are you working for me to make your parents happy. Or are you working because you will be happy?" You could only look at him with a blank look. He had a point there. "If your working to make your parents happy, you will be miserable the whole time your with us" He was watching your expression. Trying to read it for how you felt. You were kind of stumped. Techno had stepped closer. His boots were in front of yours. When you looked up he was right there. "I don't want to see you miserable well working" his gaze was gentle. He wasn't talking as a ruler, but rather as a friend. you understood too. If your hearts not in it, your work will never be as good. You paused a bit.

   "I do want to work for you. Its.. what my heart is telling-" again he cut you off, leaving your mouth agape with the words of your sentence lingering.

   "Your heart is a organ, it cant tell you what it wants" ok you wanted to hit him. He knew what you meant.

   "I mean... my consciousness is telling me to go with you and Phil. I really like your guy's company. Your brother Wilbur Is a lot of fun too." You shrugged and looked down a bit. Techno moved again and slowly sat beside you, almost hesitant like he wasn't sure if he could. When he sat the bed dipped quite a bit. Not that he could help it. He was a built man. "Maybe its just telling me to go because your family is the closest thing I've had to genuine friends..." Techno's face contorted into a little confusion. Getting a 'heh?' Out of him.

   "Don't tell me you've never had friends, princess" he said looking down at you.

   You smiled a little. "I've had friends... but usually there years younger than me. Like four or five. Maybe seven. I mean friends closer to my age like you and Wilbur" techno hummed a bit. His cheeks a very faint pink.

   "So you think of me as a friend now" his brow raised in question. his gaze was curious. not swaying to disgust, nor pure joy.

   “I mean, if I can count you as one...” You said looking up to him. If someone would have walked in at this moment, they would have thought they disturbed a moment between the two teens. Techno was tall, but that didn't stop his head from lingering down by yours. Your Voice was softer almost unsure now. Techno didn't speak at first, his eyes only lingering your face. soon he hummed in response, standing slowly.

      “Mmn... I mean. I guess you could.” his cheeks were tinted the faintest pink as he moved his fist to his mouth, clearing his throat. “yeah, yeah... I suppose were friends”

   When you were fully packed you walked out from your room, Techno in tow. Your fathers eyes saw your form and lingered on the two of you. Your father wasn't born yesterday, something inside him knew that there was unspoken chemistry between Techno and you. He didn't mind that though. Well, ok maybe he did. You were his daughter after all. 

   “do you have everything you need?” your father asked, his tone softer when addressing you.

   You nodded, slinging the bag over your shoulder. “I believe so, If not ill just have to come back” You smiled gently. Your father returned the smile. Phil looked up to Techno who was standing behind you, his arm’s crossed as he leaned on your door frame.

   “We should probably leave soon if we want to make it to the Mansion by night fall, Techno” Techno offered a nod to his father. when looking at Phil he couldn't help notice how your fathered watched him. Techno did understand though, it was probably unnerving to know he would be sending his young daughter several miles away with a teenage boy. Of course Phil was present, but that was minor. Techno simply just returned a look to your father, not trying to be hostile, nor too passive. After all techno did have a name to keep up.

   Your small group slowly moved outside to the street. you didn't notice, but your father had pulled Techno aside well you went with your mother and Phil. You hugged your mother tightly. wanting to savor the feeling of her hug. knowing it would be quite a while before you got another one.

   “Promise me you’ll be safe (y/n)...” she said softly. you nodded slowly, nuzzling into her neck. you could feel the tears threatening to spill. You knew the goodbye wasn't forever, but that still didn't lessen the slight sadness. This was a new chapter in your life. you couldn't live your life on a single page. it was time to move on and see what else awaited in your story. when the two of you pulled away, your mother saw your tears and wiped your eyes gently. “Chin up, you’ll make a lovely smith, honey” you smiled softly, taking deep breaths to calm your tears. Soon Techno had returned back to Phil’s side after his talk with your father. You turned towards the two of them together and smiled at them. Techno offered you a nod well Phil smiled back at you.

   “I'm going to miss you runnin’ around that forge” Your father said, he also had a few tears welled up in his eyes. “You better bust your butt down there and show em’ what your made of” You nodded at him, taking his words of courage to heart.

   You hugged him tightly. Him returning the tight hug. “Ill miss you...” you muttered to him. keeping your face hidden in his neck. Your dad was your grounder, he was along your side the whole way. Starting the new chapter without him was hard, but you knew it was necessary. “I love you...”

   “I love you too... Be safe for us...” he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

   By the time you reached France's countryside it was night already. Well in flight you had rested yourself on the side of your seat. Watching the ground fly past with incredible speed. Phil kept a keen eye on you to make sure you didn't fall. The last thing he wanted to do was have to turn around and explain to your parents that you fell to your death.

   Techno and Phil made wind of wanting to find somewhere to set up camp for the night. Knowing they both shouldn't fly well tired. When they saw the mansion up ahead however, they lost there ideal for a camp. Instead they landed nearby and prepared themselves to enter. Rambling off about where to enter. You were quite unsure about this, after all this was someone’s home. As they went on about a plan you looked the mansion over. It was rather massive to be honest. The mansion, although big, was ever so detailed and beautiful. The owners took amazing care of the structure. Well your eyes scanned the side, you saw movement from one of the windows. this made you realized that there were things inside. they planned to raid a mansion that someone lived in. Your eyes wondered for more movement and that's when you saw it. A Pillager. You felt rage take hold of your chest.

   "What are we doing here." Your voice was harsh, this caught Phil off guard. He wasn't used to hearing you take up such a tone. Phil and Techno swapped quick glances. Pondering if they should tell you about there plan. Ultimately Techno figured you should be included. Seeing that if this raid wad successful, your first task would be presented.

   "Do you know what Pillagers are?" Techno inquired. He knew you did, but he meant his question beyond face value. He was quizzing to see if you where aware of their history.

   "Yeah, heartless creatures that kill for fun" You hissed, not wanting to be near the mansion anymore. Techno watched your eyes. He could see the hate swirling within. To him this was intriguing to see you angry. Usually you were more quiet and docile.

   "Pillagers are a branch of Illagers..” Techno started slowly “The Illagers were a old type of Cult that was formed for the sole purpose of Black Magic" His tone was slow and calculated, he wasn't talking down to you, rather just simply explaining. "They are known for dealing with Alchemy, and Witchcraft" his eyes glinted with something that you couldn't quite put your finger on. "They even have been Rumored to deal with Necromancy" You were a little confused now.

   "What's Necromancy?" You inquired, your hate was leaving and slowly replacing with curiosity. Simultaneously, you didn't understand where this was leading.

   "The ability to raise the dead." You felt a shiver run down your spine at his words. You sent glances between the two of them. that's ridiculous, no one can raise the dead, it was impossible. Once you were dead, you were dead. You started getting uncomfortable with the way the conversation was leading. "It is rumored they have a Item that can bring those who have died back" Techno’s eyes never left yours.

   "That's.. That's impossible..." You said quietly, watching Techno intently. His eyes glinted again, you weren't familiar with his side of him so it raised alarm within you. This wasn't the Techno that sat with you in your room. Nor the one that asked your father not to bow. This side of him was different, almost more daring, and challenging.

   "Oh, but is it?" He paused briefly, His voice rose up now. Taking a tone of greatness. Turning to face the mansion. Soon expanding on his thought. "You see (y/n), sometimes rumors are so far  fetched... That they just have to be real." You glanced to Phil who only watched Techno like you. "The item they have, rather a totem actually... Can indeed bring the dead back. But it has to be on the person upon there death. You cannot bring someone who is long gone, back" he said simply.

   "How do you?..." you struggled to find your voice. “How do you know it’s true?” you asked no longer liking his tone. He turned back to face you, his emerald earring catching the moon light.

   "Because I have tested it" He said, looking into your eyes. Once he saw your eyes and the emotion that swirled within them he paused. He swallowed thickly, pondering his thoughts briefly. "I want you to stay back with the planes..." His tone had softened, it was the same one he used to address his father nights ago. "You'll be safe with them..." He glanced away, no longer able to keep your gaze.

   "We'll be back soon, I promise" Phil said, sending you a reassuring smile. the two of them turned and headed towards the entrance. there swords drawn, ready to counter what was inside.

   You had been waiting for a while now. The sound of the forest was peaceful. You had missed the frogs croaking, well the crickets chirped a endless harmony. In the artic this wasn't a luxury, the land was so snow covered that not many bugs resided, if any. The only sound you could hear was a low whistle, or hum, which was only the wind really. The temperature had dropped well you sat waiting, causing you to rub your arms for warmth. You looked down into the cockpit looking for one of the cloaks left behind. You felt one of them and pulled it onto your shoulders, securing the clasps. The feeling of the fabric quickly warmed your arms. You laid your head back, pondering the look that Techno had in his explanation. The look he had was hard to explain, it’s almost like he wasn't himself. Like he had something else within him, fueling him, talking to him. You didn't know Techno deeply, but you had seen him for a few weeks now, his attitude then compared to now was different. It was unnerving to say the least.

   Well pondering and listening to the casual hum of the woods, something caught your ear. You pushed yourself up so you were sitting. You could plain as day hear crying. But not just any crying, it was a Childs. You slowly climbed down from the cockpit. You know they told you to stay put, but you also couldn't just listen to a child cry. Your hand fell to the sword that hung on your hip. Slowly you started your descend into the woods, determined to find the source.

   The woods were thick. Everywhere you looked there was a branch ready to swat at your head. Minding the branches, you were able to spot the small crying toddler. He was curled up tightly, his knees to his chest as he wept. He had dirt on him, his face stained with tears and mud. His red and white shirt was torn to hell. At the sight of him your heart hurt. He saw you and without hesitation he reached up, wanting you to pick him up.

   "H-hey.. Shh.. sh.. your alright.. your safe.." Your tone was gentle as you carefully picked him up. Subconsciously your body started swaying without a spare thought. The boy did slowly quiet down. You glanced around and  tucked the boy within the cloak next to you, wanting to keep him warm. You needed to find Techno and Phil, like. Right now. "I'm gonna h-help you ok bud?.." you could feel him nod his head against you. Gripping to your clothes tightly.

   You tried to hurry back to the mansion, but luckily that wasn't hard to find due to the fact it was on fire. Wait why was it on fire. You now broke into a run, fearing that Phil and Techno were caught within it. But no, of course not. They were simply in front of the burning mass, watching the once beautiful mansion turn to ash.

   "What the hell happened here?..." You drifted off as your eyes scanned the flames with wide shock. Phil turned to you and smiled.

   "Oh there you are (y/n)- whatcha' got there?" He tilted his head seeing the bump underneath the cloak. Techno turned as well, blushing faintly when he saw you.

   You stared up at the giant fire well approaching them. "I uh.. found him.." you pried your eyes from the train wreck in front of you, still not able to wrap your mind around this.

   "What did you find?..." Techno asked trying to see beneath your cloak, that was actually his. But he didn't want to bring that up yet, finding you within it quite adorable.

   You moved the cloak to show the toddler, Phil's wings puffed out a bit when he saw the child in your arms. Both of their eyes widening. "I wanted to bring him back to you... He was alone when I found him and I've never taken care of a toddler so..." You slowly handed the child to Phil. He didn't fuss much with being handed off. Instead he just buried his head in Phil's neck. As if on instinct he checked the child to make sure he was ok, no cuts, or bruising "I couldn't leave him out there..." you said chewing your lip. Phil only kept his eyes on the child. Pondering.

   "No of course not.." Phil said slowly, looking down to the child. Rubbing his back. "Hey buddy.. do you have a name?.." Techno and you watched curiously. The toddler nodded. Sitting up to wipe his big round blue eyes.

   "I'm Thomas.." His voice was rough, showing he had been crying a while.

   "Its nice to meet you Thomas.. I'm Philza, and this is Technoblade, over here is (y/n). How old are you?" Phil asked slowly. Just like he would with his own boys. Tommy held up two tiny fingers, showing how old he was. "Your two? Wow your a big man, ya?" Tommy slowly nodded. "Do you know where your mom or dad is?" The boy shook his head and broke into a large sob. "Sshh.. don't worry.. we'll find them ok?" The small boy nodded through his cries, gripping to Phil.

   After finding Tommy we checked every nearby village we could think of, but no one claimed the poor child. The longer he was with us, Phil started to grow very attached to the boy. Techno wasn't very surprised with this of course, and neither were you quite honestly. You knew he had adopted Techno on a whim from what Wilbur explained. That's why Phil popped into your brain when you found Tommy.

   We ultimately decided to head home with Tommy. None of the villages we searched seemed to recognize tommy, so Phil figured it was the universe telling him that he has another child. Phil kept him on his lap most of the trip. Occasionally handing him to you or letting him ride with Techno, to whom your surprise, seemed to have a soft spot for children. Tommy found a lot of joy out of being in the plane with you three. You would bounce him on your lap when he was under your watch, letting him stretch out in joy. His little giggles rang out loud, bringing smiles to Phil's face. You did pull him into your arms securely when you reached the artic air however, mostly just to keep him warm.

   When you arrived to the palace Wilbur was confused on your early arrival. He had expected you three to be gone for at least two, to three days. But when he saw the toddler he mostly summed up the early arrival. Phil didn't linger long on the hellos of being home. Instead he took tommy straight to the physician to make sure he wasn't sick at all. His parent sense buzzing in full drive.

   Well waiting for Phil and tommy to show up again, Techno, Wil and you had found yourself comfortably in the library. You were extremely tired. But like Techno you were waiting to see Phil and Tommy first, before you made a run for your bed. The fire was lazily burning in front of you offering a warm wave of comfort. Your head started to roll from your sleepless state. Even Technoblade started to droop his head. Luckily Phil walked in with a happy tommy on his hip.

   "The Physician says he’s all good health wise. nothing we should be concerned about thankfully" Phil said. Claiming his seat beside Techno. Tommy made his way into techno’s lap, interested with the earrings he had. Instead of telling him no, or swatting his hand away, Techno just took one of his earrings out. showing tommy the jewelry. The two of them were honestly were too adorable.

   “Is he our new brother?” Wilbur asked, watching the curious two year old.

   Tommy held all of your attentions, his actions were all done in innocence and curiosity. He was a cute kid, he had little Ringlet’s of blonde hair that matched Philza’s. “You think we can handle another mouth to feed?” Phil asked looking to Wilbur. Wil nodded in response. The idea of a younger brother exciting him. Phil looked back to Techno and Tommy.

   Tommy was happily babbling off about things he thought were cool on Techno. Techno only sat with kind eyes and a soft smile, replying to tommy.

   “I suppose I do have a new son now” Phil said, a kind smile dancing on his lips.

[capt-spooki3]

Step Dadza and Reader

Characters: c!Philza, c!Technoblade, c!Ranboo

Warnings: Suic*de mention, light angst, fluff

After Y/n goes missing, Philza searches high and low for them before finally finding them in a situation in which he assumes the worst...

2.3k words

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Not a thing ran through your mind, everything was numb. Cold. So very cold. There was nothing but you and the crashing waves against the rock just below you. And...wings? It must just be a bird flying low. The running footsteps? No no, you must be imagining it.

“Hey! There you are kiddo.” You jumped a little and looked back. Phil smiled at you, tucking his wings close to himself along with his jacket before he knelt down to you, peering around you to the icy water far below that you sat in front of.

“What are you doin’? It’s cold out here and you are very underdressed.” He looked back to you and gestured to yourself with a small wave on his hand. You hadn’t put on the usual arctic outfit to keep you warm, you hadn’t even brought a coat. Just a light long-sleeved shirt and pants with snow boots.

You looked down at the water right below you. It was a small drop, so you were dangling your legs over the edge. Just enough for the water to lick the bottom of your boots from time to time. With a sigh, you brought your legs back up and crossed them. The snow on your shoes was melting from the warmness of your legs, but you could hardly feel it as you had been sitting on the frozen ground for so long that a lot of you just felt numb.

“I was just um… I just came out here to think.” 

“Just… to think?” He laughed a little, “In the freezin’ cold? Come on, even I’m pretty chilly right now.”

You didn’t answer him. Frankly, you weren’t sure what to say or if you should say anything. You didn’t want him worrying and if you said any more he was bound to more than he must already have been.

“Hey… what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Phil said softly and reached out, placing his hand on your back and rubbing slowly. His hand was really warm, and against your chilled body, it felt so nice and comforting. The last time you felt something like this was so far away, hardly in reach anymore. It had been so long, so so long.

A small hitch in your breathing snapped you back to reality, feeling hot tears running down your frozen cheeks though they rapidly cooled. Leaning forward a bit, you wiped at your face as fast as you could.

“Aw… mate. Come on, get up for me okay?” He spoke soft, the tone making the tears run faster, as he pulled your arm up a little to get you to stand. It took a moment and you were unsteady, but you got back onto your feet while using his arm as a crutch. You turned toward him and before you could even focus on him, he pulled you into him. Using his long cape-like jacket to completely envelope you in warmth along with the extra layer as you felt his wings fold around to hold you. 

You clung to him and even in your trembling, fragile state, you hugged him tightly. Your emotions quickly started to overwhelm you with this strong sense of safety and security, it didn’t take long before you let out a quiet sob and pressed your face into his chest as he was tall enough for that to be a comfortable way to hold you.

“It’s okay… shh it’s alright. I promise you, you’re okay now.” Phil gently pets your head, smoothing down your messy hair and running his fingers through it to detangle it a bit. He let go a little when you took a deep, shuddery breath to help you calm down but brought you back, holding you closer when you relaxed. 

“Mate… I don’t know what’s going on and we don’t need to talk about it alright? Not unless you need to, but I won’t ask about it, I promise. Just know I am always here for you so please come to me when you need me.” He took a deep breath and let it out, resting his head on yours, and spoke quieter. “It was a scary sight just seein’ you sittin’ on the edge. Couldn’t help but think the worst.”

It hit you like a train right then what your situation must have looked like to any other wandering eyes, your only intention was to get away.

“I’m… I’m sorry Phil.” You mumbled, “I didn’t even… I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He laughed, the sound being light-hearted but still soft enough to keep with the somber mood.

“It’s okay, let’s just go home okay? You’re freezing cold. Gods, I’m surprised you didn’t get frostbite or something.” His arms let up from around you but slipped down to your upper arms with a steady grip as he still held you there, but looked behind him in the direction toward the house. “The boys were worried too, I had to yell at Techno before finally, he took me seriously. I needed someone to stay with poor Ranboo, the kid was nearly in tears when he told me he couldn’t find ya.”

“Why was he searching for me?” You questioned him, making him look back at you. You didn’t really expect any of the three to be needing you, especially Ranboo as he tends to go off during the days to do his own things.

“Oh, well, I couldn’t exactly press the poor boy with how upset he was but I think he was just wanting some company. He must have been pretty desperate because he said he had been searching for you for about a couple of hours.” Phil sighed and chuckled a little, “I’m even lucky to have spotted you out here. I don’t think I could have if I wasn’t flying, you sure found a pretty far-off place. Far away from anywhere, you would usually go at least.”

It had been easy to be able to trust these people. Phil opened his arms to you when you were lost and offered you a place to call home and you were quick to warm up to your new companions. They were easy to trust and that’s all you needed from them, but what you were realizing now really threw your exhausted state for a loop.

You were loved.

These people loved and cared about you. Even with as stubborn as Technoblade was and how standoff-ish Ranboo could be and even with how dangerous Philza could present himself, they loved you and cared about you. How had you not realized this until now? They were your family.

“Phil…”

He hummed an answer and tilted his head, looking at you. He was rubbing your arm soothingly, as he must have noticed the tears that you could feel burning your eyes. It took you a few moments to respond to him, not sure what you even wanted to say to him.

“I… I care about you all so much. I don’t ever want to leave or live a life without any of you.” Your voice choked up a bit at the end as a could of tears fell and you hugged him again, tightly. “I love you Dad.”

He made a soft noise in surprise before he wrapped his arms around you, swaying you a little bit. “Aww… mate. You finally said it.” He sounded so happy and touched by your words and let go of you to reach up and ruffle hair to bother you and make you laugh, chuckling as you swatted at his hand, and tried to duck away and took a step away from him. “I love you too kid.”

Hearing that felt good, it’s been a while since you’ve felt that. Knowing you’re safe and cared for with someone. It was… a relief.

“Let’s get you home and in front of the fire, okay?” Phil said as he extended his hand to you and you hesitated. 

An offer. Maybe even as a silent promise if you really thought into it.

You took his hand with a smile to which he returned it and tucked his wings up against his back.

“I would offer to fly us back, but I don’t think I would be able to with how cold it is,” He chuckled. “My wings almost gave out on me while tryin’ to find you.”

“Oh- gosh I’m sorry.” Your voice tainted with the guilt you felt. Phil must have pushed himself to the very limit trying to make sure you were okay. Flying until his wings were numb and hardly willing to move how he needed them to, making it a pure miracle he didn’t have a crash landing.

“Hey mate, it’s fine! I’m alright, just got a good workout in.” He gave your hand a comforting squeeze and pulled you toward him, making you take a few steps forward, and he put his hand on your upper back to give you a small boost to walk as he started trudging in the direction of their home.

The walk back was quiet and overall uneventful.  A small breeze started to kick up, blowing the light snow that had yet to truly settle, and despite it not being strong, it felt as if it ripped right through you. Chilling your bones and making you shiver, your numb body finally giving a reaction to the coldness again since walking was just barely warming it up. Without a word, Phil slipped his coat off and pulled his wings through the back slits, ruffling them a bit, then reached over to set it on your shoulders. You looked at him and he merely stepped up his pace, you could see him shivering too despite his attempt to try to hide it by stretching his body a bit.

It took a while. An hour, two maybe, but the ground you walked over and the scenery finally started to look familiar again and after another 15 minutes passing, the smoke from the cottage chimney came into view. Perfect timing you’d say as the sun was just about below the horizon now. Another 10 minutes and you would have been bathed in darkness along with the rest of your part of the world.

Phil walks up the steps first with you behind him and before even he reaches the door, it swung open with Techno stumbling and holding onto the handle right after it. It seems someone sure had an ear out for you coming home. He looked a mess with his hair unbraided and only being in a long-sleeved shirt and dark pants instead of his usual elaborate getup.

Even though he was barefooted, he stepped right out onto the snowy porch, hurrying over to you and wrapping you in a bear hug as soon as both your feet were on the even surface of the porch.

“Oh thank gods- you’re okay. It started getting dark and I..” He trailed off and let out a breath, just hugging you tighter to which you wrapped your arms around him in return, rubbing his back to comfort him despite you being the one to go missing, this making you laugh a little.

“I’m sorry I worried you Techno I just- I needed time.” You whispered, guilt flooding your system once again and resting your tired head against his shoulder.

“Alright kids, we need to get in. Techno you don’t even have shoes on.” Phil scolded him and the piglin let you go and walked back through the doorway and Phil stood waiting for you. He was smiling, he looked tired and relieved as he kept the door held open for you. Walking in, you stepped aside for Phil and looked up to see Ranboo waiting and nervously wringing his hands while he watched you step inside, he looked like he wanted to hug you but wasn’t sure if he was allowed to yet. You opened your arms a little as a kind of invitation to which he accepted immediately, hugging you close and letting out a shaky sigh as he rubbed your back.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, I don’t know what we would have done if something happened to you.” His words struck deep and tore open the wound that was already there from your harsh delivery of guilt from this incident.

“I’m so sorry… I’m sorry.” You mumbled apology after apology to him and soon feeling, who you guessed was Phil, hugged both you and Ranboo and shortly after was Techno to hold you all together.

“Y/n, shhh. Shhh, it’s okay, you’re okay, we are all okay now.” Phil whispered, reiterating the same words until you silenced and calmed down. Then the whole home grew silent besides the crackling fireplace and eventually, ranboo spoke quietly.

“I don’t mean to uh ruin the nice mood here but if we stand here any longer I think I’ll fall asleep.” The group collectively laughed and slowly dispersed. Phil took his coat from you to hang up and Techno made small talk with you to make sure you were okay and if you needed anything, he was there.

Everyone went off to do small nightly chores while you settled in front of the fire to find some sort of peace on your own. It didn’t take long till Phil made his way down to you with a blanket, he draped it around your shoulders along with his own and pulled you close by your shoulder and sat with you. He sighed deeply.

“I know what we have isn’t perfect…” He spoke, staring off into the fire with a soft smile, “But I hope this little family means something to you. I hope you know we all love you very much. You’re an important part of our whole dynamic here. Even if you don’t have anyone else in the world, Y/n,” Phil looked at you, his gaze very tired and serious.

“You’ll always have Dadza.”

[cultofstan]

My love for Bane!!

Before you read, I want to make it clear that there are some nsfw parts to this posts. If you are under 18, please don't read!

This post will go over various details and reasons why my heart belongs to the big green giant know as Bane from Batman and Robin (1997). Get ready for a long read, because I've got a lot to say.

(If you haven't check out my Bane Wallpapers, go do check them out! They bring me so much joy, I hope they do the same for you ppl too!)

His mask is very cool and unique, because if you look closer you see they used Bane's comic book mask as a base and then just changed the mouth area and added black eye pieces on top of the red piece he normally sees out of. Imo, it is the best movie Bane mask we have ever had! A lot of people hate the multiple tubes coming out of his head, but I think it makes things extra spicy! A constant reminder that your not just dealing with any normal super human, you dealing with a venom infused one that can fight you like it's nothing! The bulging veins that can be seen in certain lighting is a detail I feel deserves more love. It adds to his big and tough demeanor. You can really tell the venom is working wonders on him! The zipper on the top of the head and the fact that his mask is most likely made of tight leather or latex brings thr entire thing together and is truly a marvel to look at! I absolute love it!💚Imagining him slick that smooth, stretchy, husky mask on while the venom starts to pump into his brain and muscles just does things to me. If Bane offered me a chance to wear it, venom or not, I would do it in a heart beat! It would probably reek of sweat, his bad breath, and of old leather, but I wouldn't care. Just the thought of inhale all those smells brings me a joy I can't describe! 😍

When I was a kid, in addition to his lovely mask, his clothing choice was another thing I loved about him. It looks like Bane is just wearing a black cotton tank top with some black sturdy pants, but I've always the headcannon that it's actually very flexible black latex one piece! It makes a lot more sense when you notice his collar, chest harness, wrist bands, crotch diaper, and boots are also make out of a harder leather with spikes and studs! I swear, half of my clothing choices/dreams come from this man! His boots, for the most part, are very frankenstein/gothic inspired with thick sole and it going all the way to his knees. The copper rivets are the only things that make them stand out, imo. I've had thoughts were in order to prove my love to him I have to lick or kiss his boots while he judges. I'd hate it for the most part, because they probably taste like dirty and dust, but I want him to know that I do love him, so I'd do small smooches starting from his toes and work my way up his leg until I'm straight up licking his boots. I'd get so carried away he'd probably make me stop pretty quickly so I don't get sick 😂. His spiked collar and wrist bands are easily the clothing items I want the most! Any time I see someone on the street with spikes in their clothing I immediately think about him. Because he's worn them for so long, they're probably not that tight or rough but still firm enough to not sag. Maybe even a little flaky in certain parts. I don't think I'm comfortable with myself enough to wear a collar in public but I've come so close to buying spiky wrist bands or gauntlets it's crazy I don't actually own a pair yet. One day, I'm sure. His crotch diaper, for lack of a better name for it, is the one thing I'm 50/50 on. Some days I think it really adds to his look, especially with the spikes that go out. Plus, to a certain extent, it makes practical sense because that way heroes cant go from behind his and try to restrain him, or can't throw too many kicks, without getting poked/cut by the spikes. But other days I think it just doesnt look that great, because it ultimatly looks like a big metal diaper, it takes away from his intimidation. Plus, I won't be able to give him proper hugs! (I want to give daddy all the hugs he deserves! 💚) His chest piece is what brings everything together. The little Bane symbol is so cute, I've always looked for a pin or something to buy but no luck. I actually used to have this Bane cape that I won at Six Flags when I was little. I cut the symbol of his face out of it and tried multiple times to attach it to my jean jackets but I suck at sowing. 🥲 The leather straps that hold the chest piece compliment the other leather pieces of his outfit. The metal looking chest piece looks wonderful and adds a layer to his character that I both love and hate. In this movie he's a drone, a mindless agent that is only allowed to follow orders. I'll will discuss this in a bit. But for the record, I hate the fact that Bane is written as big dumb idiot in this movie. It's the one big problem I have with him, which sucks because I literally love everything else about him!

I've probably watch the Bane transformation scene in Batman and Robin, like, a thousand times. No joke. I didn't realize it then, but seeing a short, thin, twink become a tall, hulking, king really hit my desires in the right way. Like, now, I know for sure that's one of my kinks and it makes me so damn happy! Granted, I've never been skinny in my life, but I've always wanted to be a musclar and strong man, so it makes sense why I love this scene so much. It's a literally fantasy of mine brought to life! More specifically, I've always wanted to be a type of strong that allows me to run miles like it's nothing, throw punches that instantly knock someone out, and lift so much weight that I borderline have a superhero body. Don't get me wrong, this is seriously mentally unhealthy because I know it's kind of impossible considering my personality and the actuality of gaining so much muscle, but I believe as long as I realize it's a dream and not beat myself up over it, it's not too bad of a thought to have. Actually, if you think about it, this Bane is kind of a plus size body representation. Sure he's got giant arms that can crush my bones like tooth pics, but he's pretty bulky with a big belly. That might be too much of a stretch to say, and I totally understand if people don't agree with. That being said, I have to say it, this man probably gives the best hugs in all of Gotham! He's so big that you don't even need a jacket in the house! Just let him embrace you and you'll never feel alone or cold again! His thick hands holding you in really tight, his muscles locking you in and warming your arms, while his gut pushes you back a little of your feet, like he wants to swoop you into his arms and carry you! 🥰 He'd be careful with his spikes of course, don't worry. A detail that sends me over the moon about Bane in this movie is his green skin. I can't put my finger on it, but it really adds to the whole transformation and therefore my thirst for him grows even bigger! Especially because it's completely unique to the movie. It looks so good that I wonder why the comics haven't adopted something similar.

I could go for hours about how I think the writers butchered Bane's character in this movie, but I want this post to mainly act as a positive appreciation post/background for head cannons that I might post about him one day. So to end, and give a taste, I'll finally talk about Bane being a drone in this movie. In weird way, because he's played as a mindless servent, it makes this version of Bane one of the easier Bane's for me to fantasies about. This is because in the movie, it's implied Bane only follows Poison Ivy because she was the first person he didn't see as a threat. Plus, I wouldn't be surprised if she used some of her suductive powers on him. (I would too, just saying) So, with that established, I like that he's a mindless drone because it means that, in my head, he's not exactly my "servant" but he will basically do whatever I say. Why? Because I will prove to him I not a threat either, and only want to love him!! He'll have a concuious and his own goals, and I'll follow along and help because I trust him and want to support him, but, for the most part, he will do what I say and love me in return. I could explain this more, but I want to save the juicy parts for the follow up post I have planned for this. 😏

If you've read this far, thank you. From the bottom of my hear. I've never wrote something this personal or long. I hope I can continue to do more of these, if I'm passionate enough.

[thepencilnerd]

maybe we’re just | not |meant to be

➵ absolute value [ab·so·lute val·ue] (n.) the magnitude of a quantity, irrespective of sign; the distance of a quantity from zero.

➵ pairing: min yoongi x reader

➵ This was not the first time you’d met Min Yoongi. In fact, you had encountered him throughout many of your previous lifetimes—and yet unbeknownst to either of you, fate was hard at work trying to keep you together as much as destiny was trying to pull you apart. Maybe in another life, another time, another world, another universe...

How many chances did you get until you were finally granted the opportunity be with your soulmate? Would there ever come a time when both of you could find peace in this never ending cycle of life and death—or will the two of you be at the mercy of space and time, forever swimming along the cosmos in search of one another? 

➵ genre: definitely a soulmate/multiple past lives AU, love triangle, fluff, heavy angst, bit of historical fiction, modern timeline, time jumps, alternate/parallel universes

➵ warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, fighting, blood, terminal illness, main character death

➵ word count: 15.9k

a/n: brainstormed this over the course of four hours and started writing on May 2nd :’) please have tissues

The first time you had met was at the fall festival. Each year, your parents were adamant on being the hosts and holding the gala at the palace. Your dress, tailored by your dearest friend, sparkled bright red against the warm glow of the paper lanterns that decorated the path. The festival was alive underneath a beautiful autumn sky, and the vibrant sound of the town’s laughter and jester music echoed throughout the quiet night.  

As you were walking past the booth where children were bobbing for apples, there he was. You saw him first, of course. He wore a plain blue mask and a black cape, undetectable to any non-speculative passerby but you. Even behind his seemingly plain mask, your gaze met his the same moment his eyes locked onto yours. 

Despite having a fully decorated mask with gemstones, gold lace, and the works to cover your entire face, his stare pierced through yours with the strength of a thousand daggers. His face didn’t ring a bell, not in the slightest—but he felt all too familiar. 

You found out later that he was the son of the town’s blacksmith. 

“Min Yoongi.” His name rolled off of your tongue like melted candle wax, coating every syllable with another layer of intrigue and curiosity. “Min. Yoongi. Yoongi...” You rested the tips of your fingers over your mouth while repeating each word, feeling how every small muscle twinged and produced the lovely sound that was his name.

His hand traced an invisible swirl along your skin, following the curve of your shoulder down to forearm and then to your hand. “______,” he spoke softly. You opened your eyes to see Yoongi lying parallel to you, the small distance between you no bigger than an arm’s reach away. 

“______...” He spoke in an even quieter voice this time, afraid that if he said your name in vain that you would evaporate into thin air and leave him—all alone. Your name sounded like poetry as it danced across his lips. 

Reaching over to him, your fingertips gently brushed over his lower lip as he continued to say your name. Even though he’d visited your chambers hours before, it paled in comparison to the intimate moment you were sharing now. 

He lifted his hand up to your face carefully, brushing the soft skin of your cheek before settling on your cupid’s bow. Mirroring each others actions as you called each other’s name one after another, your voices slowed to a series of silenced murmurs as you lulled each other to sleep. 

“Do you love him?” 

Hidden underneath his anger, the hurt in his voice began bleeding through his words. You turned around to face him. His face was clear despite the pitch black darkness of the night, and his eyes glimmered in the moonlight. 

“Do you love him?” he repeated, louder this time as he began walking toward you. The breeze was refreshing as it blew past the trees, rustling the leaves in its wake and causing his scent to surround you. Grabbing your hands, he gently cradled them in his; they were always so warm. He brought them close to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to them, the wetness of his tears trailing down the back of your hand.

You cupped his face and brought him closer to you, his hands still wrapped around yours and heartbeat so loud you could feel it thump against yours. 

“No.” Your mouth felt like it was glued shut, but somehow you finally managed to speak. “No I don’t love him. I never have and I never will, Yoongi.” Each word stung more than the last. 

He sniffled, biting his lip as his shoulders began shaking slightly. 

“Yoongi,” you started while you held back tears of your own. “I love you so much.” 

His knees buckled from beneath him as he kneeled by your feet, clutching desperately at your legs as if it were the last thing anchoring him on this earth. You felt the warmth of his tears seep through the material of your dress, breaking off another piece of your already shattered heart. 

Kneeling down to comfort him, he couldn’t hold back the wash of tears after what came next. “But I have to marry him...” 

You couldn’t do anything except hold him. Nothing you say would make him feel better; nothing you did would ever help him heal from the scars you gave him; nothing would ever be the same. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I’m sorry, Yoongi. I’m sorry...” Enveloping each other in a hug so tight it seemed to shut out even the cold wind, you felt tears of your own trail down your face. He held you tighter, burying his nose into the crook of your neck and memorizing every little part of you before—

“I love you,” he said. “I love you, ______. I know he will never be able to make you happy or love you the way that I do, but I love you and I don’t care if you marry him. No matter how long it takes, I will wait for you even in death.”

You couldn’t find it in your heart to speak, knowing you would burst into a wailing mess of screams and tears, and the last thing either of you needed was to be discovered by the royal guard. You began shaking at the realization that this was really it; this was the last you’d ever see him, hold him in your arms, kiss him, touch him—be with him. 

Grasping the sides of his face, you pressed your lips against his for the last time. The salt from both of your tears mixing with the taste that was entirely him felt bittersweet. “I will wait for you, Min Yoongi,” you promised. “Even if I have to find you across in life, I will find you and we’ll be happy together.” 

Before sharing one last kiss, he took your hand and put it over his chest. The pronounced beating of his heart made your vision watery again. “Promise.” It wasn’t a request or a question—it really was a promise. 

Blinking back your tears, you brought his free hand over your chest and held it close. “I promise.” 

“Large stack of pancakes no butter or whipped cream and a hot coffee!” Gustav shouted, the small bell on the kitchen counter ringing like the telephone. 

Grabbing the piping hot plate, you piled it on your forearms with the rest of your orders and hustled to get them to their tables. 

“Small kid’s meal with a side of fruit salad, an old fashioned with extra bacon, and an egg-white breakfast omelette with no tomatoes,” you recited cheerily, handing out each of the plates to the family sat at their table. “Enjoy!” 

Thanking you, you whizzed by table after table until your arms were colored a bright red and indented with marks from the weighty plates. It was only lunch and you were already feeling the anxiety of rush hour at the diner. You were grateful when the giant bell finally rang from the cash register, signaling your break. 

“Hey ______, do you mind pouring this man a fresh cup of joe?” Marcie called over, waving to you from the opposite end of the aisle. With one hand wrapped around the phone wire and the other punching numbers into the cash register, you ran over as quickly as you could to help.  

You grabbed a freshly brewed pot from the machine and poured it into the mug, still warm from being fresh out of the dishwasher. “Any cream or sugar?” you asked the man hunched over the lunch counter with newspaper in hand. 

“None, thank you,” he replied curtly. “Black is fine.” 

Raising your brow at the voice, you turned around and set the cup down in front of him. The newspaper was fully opened and covered the entirety of his face. Assuming it was just your brain tricking you, you tapped Marcie on the shoulder and pointed to the back door. reminding her that it was your lunch break. Shooing you away, you grinned and wiped your hands before taking off your apron. 

The quick rustle of paper crumpling was the last sound you heard before you were out the door. 

“What was her name?” Yoongi asked Marcie who was still on hold with the real estate brokers. He kept the newspaper half-folded in one hand.  

“Huh?” she replied. “Oh! That’s ______. Been working with us for a while. Real nice gal. Sad to see her go.” 

Yoongi let out a bored ‘hmph’ and drank his coffee. There was something oddly magnetizing about you that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. “She found a new job?” 

Marcie took a few more notes down with her finger held up at Yoongi, bidding him to wait. He sipped in silence. 

“Yeah, she finally got that job she’d been pining for on the east coast. Where was it... some banking company or stock market businessy title, can’t remember,” she rambled. “Today’s her last day.” 

After a few seconds without a response, Marcie looked up and saw the young man in a daze. “Why? Cat got your tongue?” she joked. 

He shook his head, coming back to his senses. “No, nothing. I just thought I saw her somewhere.” Covering his nosy curiosity with a mutter, Yoongi ignored his accelerating pulse. 

“Bad timing I guess,” Marcie sighed, sensing the disappointment in his voice. 

Without a second thought, Yoongi’s fist clenched the grayscale paper as it let out a satisfying crunch. Marcie’s eyes widened at this, making him clear his throat awkwardly. 

"Sorry, finger cramps,” he stuttered. “I should get back to the office.” Gathering his coat, Yoongi tossed all the spare coins he had into the tip jar and left the diner. For some reason, he didn’t feel like eating lunch there ever again. 

“Happy Birthday!!” you screamed in unison with all of your friends. 

The lights flickered on, revealing a stone-faced Yoongi and overexcited, freeze framed Hoseok right behind him. After a few moments of awkward silence, the delayed sound of Namjoon’s popper going off made everyone burst into laughter. 

Seokjin facepalmed. “Really, Namjoon?” Jimin and Taehyung shook their heads like disappointed children scolding an adult. 

Yoongi was holding back a childish grin. “Thanks guys.” Even though his reaction was sub-par than what you expected for a surprise party, you smiled. 

“Let’s cut the cake!” Hoseok shouted as if he were already on a sugar high. 

Turning on the stereo, Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook, Seokjin, Namjoon and Hoseok began dancing like they were already in college. Admissions decisions were coming out next week and you all needed to relax. Luckily, Yoongi’s birthday was right around the corner and posed as the perfect opportunity to get together. 

Laughing at the six boys’ and their antics, Yoongi walked over to you with a smug grin. “I told you I suck at reacting.” Popping open a bottle of mini-champagne you splurged on just for today, you handed one to him before opening your own. 

“What can I say,” you shrugged, taking a drawn-out sip before continuing. “If it means we can all spend one more crazy night together, it’s worth it in my book.” 

Yoongi sighed. “Why do you always talk like we’re going far away and never seeing each other again? We’re all staying in-state for tuition.” He took another swig before finishing his thought bubble. “None of us can even afford dorms, meals, or apartments anyway.” 

You smiled at his seemingly naïve outlook on the situation. “Yoongi, we all know Jimin and Hoseok are already set for scholarships in NYC. Taehyung and Seokjin probably have acting gigs booked that they’re keeping a secret until the graduation, and Jungkook and Namjoon talked about how they wanted to go to Europe for a gap year.” 

Yoongi clenched his jaw at the reality that washed over him like cold water. “We’ll be okay. As long as you’re staying here with me, these—” he paused to gesture at the group of boys messing around like a pack of wild animals. “—dingbats are the least of my worries.” 

Your ears perked at his choice of words. “I worry you?” you asked, voice going two octaves too high for your comfort. His hand stopped mid-air while bringing the bottle to his lips, only then realizing the weight his words carried. 

Clearing his throat harshly, you felt heat rise up your throat and pink dust your cheeks. It was the alcohol, right? 

“We’ve been best friends for 18 years,” he defended. “Knowing how clumsy preschool you was and how stupid high school you can be, of course I’m worried about you.” 

More color began rushing into your face. You chugged more of your drink to convince anyone else who’d ask you what was wrong that it was the alcohol, not your best friend’s words making you feel—no. You were friends. Best friends. Don’t blow anything out of proportion. 

“Right back at you muffin man,” you winked, the alcohol giving you a bit more confidence than you usually had. Shooting you a gummy smile, you clinked your glasses together and felt the buzz flood your senses. 

“Yoongi! ______!” Taehyung called from across the room. “Stay cheese!” Holding up his polaroid, the flash caught you off guard. Yoongi’s arm came up reflexively to shield your eyes, making your heart flutter even more. Note to self: expensive alcohol equals stronger alcohol. 

Of course that wasn’t fucking true, not in the slightest. 

Jungkook and the others groaned, chanting in unison for one more picture. 

“Why not a group picture assholes?” Yoongi scoffed. “It’s my birthday so I get all the birthday wishes granted.” 

Seokjin tsked. “Because you two look cute together and it’s an au naturale setting!” Giving into their relentless pleas, you wrapped your arm around Yoongi’s waist and gave the camera a goofy smile. Taken aback by your sudden physical contact, Yoongi’s heartbeat picked up at lighting speed. You could hear it through the thin fabric of his shirt. 

The guys howled again. “Yoongi!” Jimin whined. “Come on! It’s just a quick picture!” Slinging his arm over your shoulder, you could’ve sworn he pulled you in closer for the shot. He rested his cheek on the top of your head and you felt his muscles pull into the gummy smile you had memorized by heart.  

Taehyung snapped a picture as quickly as he could, but groaned after shaking the developed photo. “Shoot, my finger was covering part of the lens. One more, I promise!” 

Yoongi let out a huff. Looking up at him, he lowered his chin and stared back at you. You never noticed how—pretty—he was until now. His eyes were more angular than you remembered, but his lips remained the same from when you were kids. He’d always pout whenever he got in trouble for playing too rough with the other guys. 

You’ll never forget when he shoved Hoseok down the slide in 2nd grade and went on time out for the entire duration of lunch. Innocent 7-year old you felt bad for your best friend and snuck him the other half of your PB&J when the teacher wasn’t looking. This didn’t go unpunished of course, as you soon found yourself in the same time out corner as Yoongi. Strangely enough, you weren’t angry in the slightest. 

The annoyed expression on his face slowly melted into one you struggled to map. Focused? Shocked? Surprised? Happy? Was there something smudged on your face? The edges of his lips formed into a gentle smile and he parted his lips to say—

“3, 2, 1!” the boys shouted in unison before the loud click of a camera shutter sounded again. 

“God, I feel like I’m going to puke.” Your heart felt like it was going to dig itself out of your ribcage and run a marathon. “Why am I so nervous?” Fiddling with your fingers to try and calm your anxiety by shaking your hands around vigorously, Klaire grabbed you by the shoulders and looked at you with a wide eyes. 

“______.” Her usually quiet voice was now firm, but still gentle. “Calm down. Breathe for me. I don’t need you hyperventilating in your dress.” 

Letting out a deep breath you trapped inside your lungs for what seemed like hours, you closed your eyes and tried to steady the relentless pounding that was your heart rate. 

“You’re marrying the love of your life,” she reminded. “You’re just excited.” 

You gulped another welling bubble that came up your throat. No matter how many times you tried swallowing, your throat was as dry as a desert. You couldn’t drink water either because it was your mother’s wonderful idea to get a wedding dress with a corset. Talk about old fashioned, right? 

“Were you this nervous for your wedding? Would you be this nervous?” The questions slipped out instinctively before you could stop them. “Like pit at the bottom of your stomach that feels like it’s ripping through your guts and weighing you down to the dark depths of hell?” 

Klaire laughed at your ever-ornate vernacular that remained even when you were stressed out. “I’d be nervous if somewhere deep inside my heart, I knew he wasn’t ‘the one’.” Air-quoting the last part of her sentence, she patted the baby hairs that had been tussled during your mini fit.  

The words sliced through your foggy mind like a hot knife, making your eyes widen and the color of your face wash out. 

Seeing your reaction, she was quick to reassure you. “But you love him and he loves you! I promise, ______, you’re just excited. I was nervous on my wedding day!” She overemphasized her words and clasped her chest to try and be more convincing. “You’re getting married for God’s sake! It’s normal to be nervous!” 

You needed to sit down. “Yeah...” A dry laugh escaped your lips. “I’m getting married.” 

Three knocks sounded from the door. Turning around, you saw a familiar group of heads poke through the open crack. “Well, well, well,” the youngest smirked. “Look who it is.” 

 The corners of your lips curled into the biggest smile you’d mustered all day. “You guys!” Getting up, you ran over to Seokjin, Namjoon, Jimin, Hoseok, and Yoongi as fast as you could with the heels you had on. They brought you in for a group hug, being careful not to get tangled in your veil or snag your dress. 

Klaire left the room as discreetly as she could, mentioning something about a cake or the balloons needing some double-checking. 

“You look beautiful,” Jimin complimented, a genuine smile lighting up his eyes. 

Seokjin had his hand clasped over his mouth, purposely overreacting to make you laugh and calm your nerves. “Who are you and what have you done with ______?” 

Shaking their heads at the eldest’s incessant rapport for comedy, Yoongi refrained from elbowing his side.

“You do look really amazing, ______.” Namjoon also smiled, keeping his hands behind his back to not cause any accidents. Knowing him, it was a miracle Jimin didn’t bring cable ties with him as backup. 

“Is it too late to ask you to marry me?” Hoseok chirped. Winking at you, you scoffed and shook your head, containing your laughter as you shoved his shoulder playfully. 

Yoongi remained still, his eyes still scanning over your attire. Noticing how silent he was, the four cleared their throats all at once, snapping him out of his trance. Looking up and around at the guys, his eyes honed in on you. 

“Yeah,” he agreed blindly. “You look—great. Stunning.” 

Hoseok and the guys sensed the tension in the room. “I think we should go check up on Jungkook to see if he needs any help,” Jimin filled in. “God knows if he knows how to work a mic at his first announcer gig, right?” 

The others chuckled and told you they’d see you at the reception. Giving them one more hug and bidding them goodbye, it was just you and Yoongi left in the room. Taking a seat on the couch, you ushered him over to sit beside you. 

Instead, Yoongi opted to sit in the empty chair across the sofa. You couldn’t help but feel hurt by his pseudo passive aggressive decision. He seemed more quiet than usual—no, he was more quiet than usual. 

“So,” he finally spoke after what seemed like a million years of silence. “Marriage.” 

Biting your lip, you picked at your nails again. Klaire would kill you if she saw how much you’d ruined your manicure in the span of a few hours. 

“Yeah. I’m getting married.” The words rolled off of your tongue like a foreign language, strenuous on your tongue and your heavy mind. “Your wedding is next week though, so don’t count me out,” you tried to laugh, but only succeeded in making yourself feel worse for whatever reason. 

A ghost of a smile grazed Yoongi’s lips. His eyes flickered back and forth between his engagement ring and yours. “Are you excited?” 

“Yes.” You answered robotically. The more you talked, the more each sentence out of your mouth felt like tar; acidic and painful, scorching your mouth raw. “Aren’t you?” you asked, referring to his engagement. 

Yoongi nodded slowly, pressing his lips together and raking his teeth across his lower lip. “Of course I am,” he blurted out in a hasty tone. “Really, really excited. I can’t wait.” 

Silence filled the room again. You wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. Why did this feel so horrible? Like you’d just stabbed your best friend in the back with a dull knife? 

“I’m really happy for you, ______,” he declared. “I'm really happy that you’re happy.” His eyes fluttered softly and his throat bobbed. 

Another pang reverberated in your chest. “I’m really happy for you too, Yoongi.” No matter how hard you tried to sound confident, your voice was on the verge of tears. He leaned over the space between you, he placed his hands over your clasped ones and kept his eyes down. 

“Please stay happy,” he pleaded, unable to meet your gaze for fear of letting you see how watery his eyes were. “Please be happy. Live a long, healthy, happy life. For me.” 

Choking back your own tears, you nodded. 

You managed to find the strength in your voice to speak. One last wish before saying goodbye to your youth.  

“Please don’t forget about me.” 

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the groom!” Jungkook announced grandly, gesturing toward the French doors at the back of the hall. The youngest really was good at everything he set out to do. 

Opening the doors, your fiancé stepped out with a humble bow and waved at everyone; with his father’s wedding tux on, meticulously brushed up hair, and a single red rose pinned by his pocket square, he looked as handsome as ever. 

After the clapping settled down, Jungkook continued. “And now, I would like you all to give a warm welcome to the beautiful bride!” The applause was louder than before and made your stomach feel like it weighed a thousand tons. 

“Don’t let me fall?” Opening your eyes to look at Seokjin, he held your hand tightly and spoke with nothing but sincerity in his voice. 

“Never.” On cue, you began walking down the aisle. It was just like the movies, except it was about a million times more terrifying since you were the one actually walking down the obscenely narrow aisle. Locking eyes with your beloved, his lips were parted in awe from the moment you stepped onto the walkway. 

The soft music that echoed from the speakers flooded the auditorium and added an extra blanket of comfort. Reality kicked in and you were overcome with the feeling of sheer terror, excitement, happiness, anxiety, joy, and every emotion in between. 

You were getting married.  

You stared straight ahead so you wouldn’t fall and clutched onto Seokjin’s arm as tight as you could. Once you made it to the altar, Seokjin kissed your cheek and made his way back to the tables. 

“Dearly beloved,” the officiant began. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of this beautiful bride and groom as they proclaim their love and commitment to the world....” His voice suddenly blurred into muddled bubbles of distorted bass. It wasn’t until your gaze wandered and found Yoongi—he was already staring at you. 

Pain flooded your chest again like the burning hot steel rod that was used to poke charcoal pits. Pain like that time you went to Splash City for a 7th grade field trip and fell down the water slide. You weren’t able to stand up straight, so the guys worked together to carry you back to where Miss Isles and the TA’s were sunbathing. Yoongi was crying more than you. A dull ache blossomed in your chest and spread to the tips of your fingers like ink droplets in water. 

Pain. 

The warm sensation of hands holding yours brought you back to the present moment. “And now—” The bellowing voice returned. “Kim Taehyung, do you take ______ to be your wife?” 

Without a second of hesitation, Taehyung squeezed your hands gently and his eyes gleamed brighter than the sunset skyline. “I do.”  

“Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto her forevermore?” the officiant continued. 

“I do,” he repeated confidently. 

Turning to you, the vows continued. “And ______, do you take Kim Taehyung to be your husband?”

No longer looking at Yoongi, your heart was flooded with the love you shared with Taehyung just long enough for you to say, “I do.” 

“Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forevermore?” 

Your eyes drifted to Yoongi for just a second before gazing at Taehyung and letting the words leave your lips. 

“I do.” 

The officiant smiled, blind to anything but you and Taehyung. “May the ring bearer—which to my knowledge, is the best man—bring forth the rings?” 

Stepping towards the altar, Yoongi handed the velvet box to the officiant and didn’t dare to meet your eyeline. 

“______ and Taehyung will now exchange rings as a symbol of love and commitment to each other,” he said for what was probably the billionth time in his entire career. 

 The rest of the vows passed by like a smudged blur. All you remember is hearing, “You may now kiss the bride” and Taehyung’s soft lips pressing against yours. When you pulled away, everyone was whistling, clapping, and cheering, overjoyed at the new union that was Kim Taehyung and ______, husband and wife. 

Everyone except Yoongi. 

He was frozen. 

All he could do was put on a big smile for his best friend, happily married to the man she loved. 

All he could do was hide his truth—

so that’s exactly what you did, too. 

The reception was bustling with crowds of people dancing. Seeing as you didn’t recognize a handful of faces, you were pretty sure more than half of them were all co-workers Taehyung had invited. 

“Okay, okay!” Jungkook’s voice sounded through the speakers, cracking the slightest bit from his energy. “It’s time for everyone to give their toasts to the wonderfully wed bride and groom!” 

You tried your best not to roll your eyes by shaking your head and biting your lips. Hoseok ran to the mic first, butting Jungkook out of the way like he always did since elementary school. 

“______, Taehyung—” He exhaled as he began speaking. “If there’s any couple who’s been more in love with each other since the day they met, I’d pay a million to see their faces when they see you two.” Keeping it short and sweet, a few whistles sounded from the back, causing you to blush. 

Namjoon was next. “We all met ______ in kindergarten and have been best friends ever since,” he explained with a hint of nostalgia in his voice. “When she’d go to the bathroom or back to the cafeteria to get an extra cookie, we all talked about who’d get to marry her during lunch. Taehyung always had it bad for ______, and dreams do come true!” 

Covering your face to hide your the redness of your cheeks, you looked over to see that Taehyung was doing the same, except he was peeking through his fingers to look at you lovingly. The sound of the guests’ laughter and cheers made your heart ring in your ears. Taehyung reached over to grab your hand; the feeling of his large hand encasing yours made a wave of relief wash over you. 

Jimin waltzed on right after. “Going off of that, I remember how Yoongi would always glare at us and tell us to ‘shut up’ or that ‘______ never wanted to get married and live with her cat forever.’” Everyone chuckled. “______, Taehyung, congratulations on the beautiful life you’ll share together!” 

Watching everyone raise their glass into the air, you hesitated before grabbing yours and taking a mouthful.

Seokjin went after Jungkook, who insisted that he was supposed to go first as the main host. As a result, he made it his best interest to publicly roast Hoseok on the stand and earn a round of laughter from all of the guests. 

You looked back to Yoongi. Some part of you secretly hoped that he waited for his turn as a “save the best for last” type of speech. He was clenching a piece of paper tight in his fist, hell-bent on making it into nothing but a wrinkled ball of smudged ink and flecks of fiber. 

Right on cue, he stood up and jogged up to the stage. Jungkook handed him the mic with a confused expression, but played it off as best he could with his signature wide-toothed grin. 

Yoongi turned away from the mic to clear his throat away. Taking a deep breath, he struggled to find his voice despite the deathly quiet auditorium. 

“______,” he said. “I remember the first day I met you like it was yesterday. We were in kindergarten and you were the new kid who got transferred to our classroom.” He wasn’t reading off of the paper he had out earlier. 

This wasn’t his plan. 

“You wouldn’t stop crying, saying how you didn’t know anyone in the class and all of your friends were gone,” Yoongi said as he chuckled to himself, remembering the memory crystal clear. “I told you to stop whining because it was getting annoying, and you started crying even more.”

You remember that day. Taehyung remembers that day. As did Namjoon, Hoseok, Jimin, Seokjin, and Jungkook. You were all in different grades, but in the same school and shared the same classroom. 

“I remember feeling so bad for making you cry, I gave you the last piece of candy I had stuffed in my cubby. I saved up twenty gold stars for that.” Another soft wave of everyone’s laughter crashed against your ears. “Then in middle school, we all went to the water park for a stupid field trip. You fell down the slide and hit your head so hard, you were barely conscious. 

“I carried you halfway across the park on my back. The guys were all screaming from behind me to put my flip flops on so I wouldn’t get any cuts on my feet.” 

You never knew that. The week after you had the accident, Yoongi was in a cast for a month and refused to tell you why. The guys wouldn’t spill either, defending that they made a promise to Yoongi that they’d never break. 

“When you agreed that going to prom would be a nightmare straight out of a 90′s rom-com,” he paused to bite back his lopsided smile. “I asked you to come with me since it would be our last cheesy high school memory with the group. 

“For your birthday, we went to the botanical gardens. You went on for hours about how much you loved the roses there.” How could you forget? Yoongi pulled up to your house at 6 in the morning and told you to be out in 10. You were sleeping peacefully for the entire 5-hour drive—until he woke you up by plugging your nose and nearly suffocating you on your birthday. 

Despite the growing ache in his throat, he pressed on. “I still have those pictures of you getting stung by that bee. I told you not to get too close to the flowers, but you never listened to me.” 

More laughter. Not a single ounce of it came from you. 

Yoongi’s voice grew quiet. “I remember talking to you right before midnight. You seemed stressed out about something...” His focus was entirely on you now. “Namjoon’s New Year’s party.” 

Oh. How could you forget...

“Taehyung could not have timed his proposal more perfectly with the last clock strike.” 

There it was. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say,” Yoongi stuttered, collecting his thoughts. “Is that I really—I’m really happy for you, ______. And you too, Taehyung.” He added the last part in with a gummy grin that you could spot as painted on from a mile away. 

“I wish you a long, healthy, happy, and exciting life together. Don’t forget about the rest of us, okay? I love you, too.” He barely skipped the pause between the last two words to sound like “you two,” but his message rung loud and clear. 

He loves you. 

Min Yoongi loves you. 

The faded edges of the polaroid felt dull against your fingertips. You spent the past hour sitting in front of the fireplace with the old pictures of you and Yoongi in your hand. You only had three; all of them were from his birthday party, senior year. 

The first one was blurry, but the memory was imprinted in your head as clear as day. Yoongi’s arm shielding you from the bright flash of Taehyung’s camera in his sneak attack of a photoshoot. You didn’t notice until now how closely you were pressed against Yoongi’s side. 

The second was better. Taking note of how the camera was slightly zoomed in and leaning towards you, a melancholic smile flashed your face. 

"My finger was covering the lens” my ass, you recalled. Taehyung did have feelings for you, even back then. 

Your arm was wrapped around Yoongi’s side and his slung over your shoulder, both of your smiling like teenage idiots at the camera, thinking about god knows what. 

Finally, you studied the third one for the longest. It was the one where you two were looking at each other, frozen like marble sculptures and unbound by the limits of time. His lips were parted just as you remembered them, torturing you ever still. You wanted nothing more than for this picture to come to life and speak those words to you, whatever they may be. 

But you knew that it was just an old, fingerprint stained picture that would remain silent and lifeless forever. 

“Are you coming to bed, love?” Taehyung’s deep voice called from behind you. Judging by how scratchy and groggy his voice was, he was definitely on the verge of falling asleep standing up. “It’s getting late and we have lots of exploring to do tomorrow.” Even though he was exhausted, he couldn’t hide the excitement laced in his voice. 

After you got engaged, the two of you immediately settled on Crema, Italy as your honeymoon destination. From the hundreds of years of history, breathtaking scenery, rich culture, and not to mention the food, the past few days here had been pure heaven. 

“Coming,” you assured warmly. Sitting on the photos to keep them hidden, you told him you’d be there after putting out the fireplace. He pouted and said that the bed was cold without you, and to hurry up. 

His childish antics never failed to make your heart race. After he was back in the bedroom, you took another minute to look at the pictures. 

With shaky hands and tears welling in your eyes, you threw them into the burning red embers of the fireplace one by one, watching them melt; the white plastic borders of the film curled inward and turned black, crumpling into nothing but a stringy mess of fumes; the ink that marked the date of that night disintegrated into the air as puffs of smoke, marking the end of something would never be. 

If you weren’t nestled into Taehyung’s chest and deafened by the sound of his steady heartbeat, you could’ve sworn you heard that piece of your heart shatter that night. 

Yoongi was lying comfortably on his couch. The T.V. was on but he didn’t hear any of it. The clock read 12:41 a.m. and as per usual, he wasn’t tired in the slightest. He didn’t feel like sleeping. He didn’t want to. He couldn’t. 

“Yoongi?” a sleepy voice sounded from the bedroom. “Are you coming to bed?” 

Lifting his head to the bedroom door, he saw his wife sticking her head out of the door crack ever so slightly. She must’ve woken up. 

“Yeah, sorry,” he apologized humbly. “Had to finish some extra paperwork.Go back to bed, I’ll be there in a minute.” Getting up to quickly kiss her forehead, Yoongi promised her that he’d be there soon. 

She gave him a half-asleep grin and nestled herself back into the covers. Yoongi turned off all the apartment lights and the T.V., leaving him in utter silence and darkness. The only reason he kept them running constantly was to block out the thoughts he had of you during the day. 

Opening the coffee table drawer in front of the couch, he took out the wedding album from last month. When he opened it, he was surprised to find the three pictures of you and him from his senior year birthday party scattered on the first page. You always loved throwing surprise parties despite knowing that he would never react the way you wanted him to. It was sweet. 

Looking at the polaroids, Yoongi was in absorbed into the memory of that night, eyes burning from not blinking for too long. The first picture was a blurry mess, but the second and third weren’t half bad. 

He remembers your smile being his favorite. You’d get that crinkle in your nose and your eyes would turn into half moons like a cartoon character. Your teeth glinted like rare pearls from the ocean’s deepest depths, but your dimples were only noticeable from up close. Your smile was absolutely contagious. 

The third frame was his least favorite. It was a moment captured in time that he would never forgive himself for; the biggest regret in his life—his living nightmare. 

That was the night he was going to ask you to be his girlfriend. 

It was the night everything was supposed to be perfect. 

But it wasn’t. 

Two weeks later, Taehyung came back from the tour for his debut film and had  a party of his own to celebrate. 

He asked you out.

You said yes. 

He swept you off of your feet and kissed you like in the movies, twirling you around to the point where you couldn’t stop laughing. You were so happy. Yoongi didn’t have the guts to throw away the photos. 

The two of you hadn’t talked since his wedding. It had only been a month, but it felt like an eternity spent in hell. He missed your voice; the sound of your laughter; that face you made when you scolded him and tried to be serious but ended up breaking into snorts. He missed you. 

Flipping over to the next page, he found the letter from your wedding night. It was still badly tattered from when he let his anger seep through and needed something to clench. Everyone who saw it probably thought it was his toast to you and Taehyung, but no. It was his confession letter he’d saved from the night you got engaged at that stupid New Year party. 

Dear ______,

If everything goes to plan, you’ll never have to read this. On the other hand and the even greater chance that things don’t go to plan, you still won’t be able to read this. I love you, ______. I can picture your face reading this. Close your mouth or a bug might fly in again. Don’t think I forgot when we visited the zoo for our bio class. I still have the video saved on my phone. I’m probably too late, right? I don’t care. In fact, I couldn’t care less. I love you more than I love myself or anything else in this world, and I don’t care if you feel the same. I just want you to be happy. I need you to be. 

I’ve felt connected to you since the first day we met and I’ve loved you more and more every day after that. No matter how hard I tell myself that you will never feel the same about me, or even think and care about me half as much as I care about you, I can’t stop thinking about you. I care about you more than you care about me, and that’s okay. 

You make me so incredibly happy, I can’t put into words how deeply I feel for you. You also drive me insane and make me the angriest, most frustrated, neurotic, and saddest person to exist in this entire universe, but I don’t care because it’s all thanks to you.

 I will love you until the day I die and I promise you this with my life. 

Please choose me. Love me. Be with me. I know it’s pathetic and hopeless and so fucking selfish, but I love you and I can’t live without you, ______. Choose me. Stay with me. Marry me. 

Always and forever yours, 

—Yoongi.

And with that, he slammed the album shut and buried his face into his hands, sheer agony, anger, pain, regret, and awe flooding every cell in his body. He started laughing. Not at himself or you, not even at anything in particular. 

I guess I’m just laughing at how ridiculous this whole universe is. Fate an all. He tried reasoning with himself but was far from remotely sane. It felt like some big practical joke on a hidden camera T.V. show, like this wasn’t his real life, his reality. He begged for it to be a bad dream that he would wake up from any second now. He wanted it to be a nightmare. 

But he never woke up. 

If you had met in another time, another life, another world—how happy could you have been? In love? Together? 

The steady beeping of the hospital monitor had become your new normal. Today was different though. You sensed it in your bones. It wasn’t a good feeling. 

“Yoongi, you can’t die on me. I don’t want to be alone.” 

He smiled faintly, trying to reach out and soothe your streaming tears. His skin was bleach white and his usually pink lips were tinted a sickly grey. He was dying and you couldn’t do a single thing about it. 

“You won’t be alone. You have all of your family and—” He was cut short by your sudden outburst. 

“I don’t want my family, I want you!” you sobbed, burying your face into his hospital gown. He held back tears of his own as he felt the fabric dampen on his stomach. “You’re only 27, Yoongi, you—you don’t—”

Pressing the palms of your hands into your eye sockets, you wouldn’t have been able get any more words out even if you forced yourself to. A stabbing pain spread in your lungs from the lack of oxygen, but you didn’t care. Your boyfriend, the love of your life, was on his deathbed and you would gladly take all the misery in the world, all the needles and knives, stitches and surgeries, broken bones, bruises and blood—every single piece of it if it meant that he would live.  

“You don’t deserve to die, Yoongi...” you hiccuped. 

He cradled your head against his neck, his half sitting up posture allowing your tears to flow down his collarbone. The last few months had been hell, but you refused to leave his side. 

Every time he’d wake up in insufferable agony in the middle of the night, you were there with anything he needed: water, a bucket, damp towel, food, his medications, a nurse—anything and everything he needed, you were always there for him. 

The two of you shared the last few months you had left constantly by each other’s side. It all felt like some sick joke. Six years ago, you had met the love of your life at a random coffee shop in Seattle and hit it off like sparks. You found out he was an architect major and finishing up his senior year just like you. He asked you out four months after you kept running into each other at the coffee shop, and moved in together five months after that. 

Your relationship was absolutely perfect. Never in your entire life had you met a guy, let alone a human being, who was as selfless, kind, gentle, loving, and honest as Yoongi. There was a connection between the two of you that you couldn’t describe or frame into rational thoughts; you loved each other unconditionally. 

It all came crashing down when he collapsed last year. It didn’t seem like anything major. He told you it was because of his anemia, but after insisting on making a visit to the hospital, the doctors broke the news to you. 

After months of seeing him doubled over in pain and puking his guts out from all the medication and relentless testing, he told you right before your 5-year anniversary: he didn’t want to suffer anymore. 

It took months of convincing you that he was okay with dying for you to even be able to look into his eyes. You couldn’t hate the man you loved for choosing to die peacefully rather than be greedy to live, but you had a hard time showing your full support and being okay with it. You don’t think you’ll ever be okay with it. 

“I’ve lived a happy life, _____.” Recalling the memory as if it were yesterday, his voice was much stronger back then. “I have done everything I’ve ever wanted to do, seen everything, explored everywhere, and after meeting you, I know I can die without any regrets. My only regret is not walking you down that aisle when I had the chance.” 

Pressing a kiss to his chapped lips, you couldn’t stop the ache that plagued your heart at the memory. It wasn’t over until it was over, so why did it still hurt so bad? 

“______?” Yoongi whispered. “You awake?” He struggled to his head to face you, every little muscle in his body aching like a collective bruise. 

You shifted your weight over to your side of the bed and propped yourself up on your elbow, studying his face one more time. “Do you need anything?” Talking for the first time after hours of crying stung, like rubbing alcohol was being poured down your throat. 

His shook his head at you with a half-lidded gaze and lifeless smile. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all. It’d be nice if you could cuddle me to sleep.” You bit your lip to hold back the waterworks but let your smile shine through. He was the same Min Yoongi you’d met at that random coffee shop on a rainy Seattle day. 

Opening his arms, he brought you safely into his chest, arms wrapped around you as tightly as he could with the little bit of strength he had left. 

“______,” he sighed, drained from all the energy he’d put into making these these past few days worth it. “I love you.” He murmured the words against your temple like a prayer, breath tickling you ever so softly like the ripples of a cherry blossom petal falling onto the surface of a pond. 

You looked up and saw that his eyes were fully open, but started to flutter shut again. He was using every bit of energy to keep them open and memorize your features. Kissing him tenderly, you felt your lips tremble against his. You didn’t want his last memory of you to be one where you were bawling your eyes out.  Instead, you smiled as best you could and swiped your finger across his cheek as he leaned into your touch. 

“I love you too, Yoongi. I love you more than anything in this entire universe we call home.” His eyelids drooped shut at your soothing lullaby, falling deeper and deeper into the comforting darkness of sleep. The weak beating of his heart grew quieter with each passing second. 

“You can go to sleep, Yoongi,” you soothed while running your fingers through his thin hair. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

“Promise?” he mumbled through your hair with the last drop of strength he had left in his body. His breathing grew shallow and hushed. His hands that were always warm and kept you cozy during the frigid nights in your apartment were now stone cold. 

You swallowed down the lump in your throat as you felt his chest rise and fall for the last time. 

“I promise.” 

Taking in a deep breath, the cold air burned your nostrils and filled your lungs with the crisp scent of snow. “Why do you believe in soulmates?” you asked. Handing him the sandwich bag, he shrugged.

“I don’t know. Just seems like something that makes sense.” Tearing open the plastic pouch, he took a bite and immediately sputtered. "How do you mess up a PB&J?” 

You smacked his shoulder lightly and scowled at him. “I’ll have you know that I happen to make the best sandwiches in the world, Min Yoongi!” 

“Mhm,” he nodded with sarcasm and a smirk. Might you add that he was still eating his sandwich and seemed to be enjoying it.

Pressing your lips together in a thin line, you ate in silence together. It was a snow day in Manhattan and Central Park looked stunning from your dorms. It was your idea to go out for a picnic, and since it was winter break, who better to ask than your dearest friend Min Yoongi?

“I can’t believe you dragged me out here for a picnic in winter wonderland.” His voice seemed grumpy, but it was probably because you hadn’t given him any coffee yet. Point made, you rustled through your backpack and pulled out a thermos full of piping hot instant liquid gold. 

With a mouthful of bread, he reached out to grab the metal thermos but you pulled it back and wagged your finger at him. “What do you say?” 

“Give me my coffee,” he droned. Widening your eyes at him in disapproval, he huffed. “Please?” 

You stuck out your tongue and poured him a cup. “I’d be more than happy to!” 

If he rolled his eyes any harder, they would’ve fallen out of his head.

Taking a small sip, the hot steam curled in contrast with the freezing cold air. 

“So you don’t believe in soulmates?” He retraced his steps back to the former topic of conversation. Turning towards him, you followed his eye-line to the small pond down the hill. A sigh parted your lips. 

“If everyone had a soulmate, we wouldn’t have heartbreaks.” Your sentence caught him off guard. 

“Don’t you think your soulmate is out there somewhere?” he badgered. 

You shook your head and finished the last bite of your sandwich. “If he is, he should have popped up three breakups ago.” 

Yoongi couldn’t think of a witty comeback. 

“Do you think your girlfriend is your soulmate?” you asked this time, tweaking the question to fit his current relationship status. 

“No.” The response was instant and dry, much like the coffee granules you poured this morning. “I don’t think she is. Do you think Jungkook is yours?”

You admired the trail of your breathing as it steamed up into a small cloud. “Not a chance.” 

The only sound that came after was the brushing of tree branches mute thud of leaves as the fell onto the snow. If you concentrated hard enough, you could hear the frozen pond crackle in the distance, melting away as the seasons began shifting for reasons beyond mortal comprehension. 

The ocean of screams and thumping bass was deafening. Cupping your hands over your ears to try and stop your ear drums from bursting, nothing you did could drown out the sea of shrieking fans at a concert. 

“Los Angeles!” a tall man greeted from the stage. “How are you all doing tonight?” He didn’t even need to talk to earn a shower of over-excited adolescent spirit. 

Another guy who was slightly shorter in comparison brought the mic up to speak. “What do you say we start off the night with a countdown?” 

“1,” another younger member started counting. 

“2,” the one standing beside him said in a velvety voice.

Pointing their mics to the audience, they all counted, “1, 2, 3,” in unison and you shriveled into a ball of discomfort at the sheer volume. 

“This is my favorite song!” your friend shouted as loud as she could, but to no avail. 

Leaning closer to her, you shouted back, “What?!” Ushering you to look towards the stage, you didn’t know what you’d be getting yourself into when you agreed to go to a concert. You’d heard about BTS of course, who hadn’t—what you didn’t know was how your friend managed to snag two tickets in the pit. To make it even more painfully cliché, you weren’t that into their music as much as the entire world seemed to be. 

You overheard a few seconds of their songs here and there while changing stations on the radio, and who could forget seeing their names plastered on every single news headline, Instagram post, and Facebook and YouTube ad that popped up into your field of view. It wasn’t that you disliked them, you just found it hard to obsess over a single group when there were hundreds of other musicians you enjoyed listening to; too many artists, not enough time. 

Come to think of it, you couldn’t be bothered to keep up with celebrities or social media, period. In all honestly, it just seemed like a gigantic, disrespectful waste of time to be buried nose-deep in someone else’s personal issues and life. To each their own, of course. 

The sudden change in music made you fall back in touch with reality. The melodic tune of a piano filled the entire stadium as the crowd erupted into another round of cries. Drawing your attention to the stage, a single man sat by a grand piano as his fingers danced across the wooden keys. 

Call it your wild imagination or your cloudy head from the overcrowded stadium, but you swear he locked eyes with you for just a moment. He began singing, the words flowing from him like trails of ink scribbles composed of his own sorrow, joy, happiness, and his life up until this point. 

He was completely mesmerizing. After the song was over, he bowed to the audience and made eye contact with you. You saw a droplet roll down his cheek as his gaze locked onto yours. He seemed to snap out of the cloud his head was swimming in and immediately stood up straight to get a better look at you. Was he crying? 

Breaking his stare as an unfamiliar weight deep in your chest began to pull you down, you turned to your friend—at least, where you thought she was the last time you checked. Another song came on, this one sound like the loudest of them all. 

“I have to go to the bathroom!” you tried shouting to your friend, but your voice was already gone. Not from the yelling and screaming of lyrics to songs you didn’t know, but from trying to get your friend’s periodic attention for the past half hour. 

She paid no attention to you and kept dancing along with the blaring music. You were starting to feel sick. Maybe it was from swimming in a sea of overzealous crowds of people you hated on a daily level, or from the stuffy and cramped space that was nothing but suffocating—whatever it was, you needed to get out of here. You couldn’t breathe. 

Saying excuse me didn’t work in this case so you had to shove past sweaty bodies a bit too aggressively for your comfort, but what choice did you have? You made it to the bathroom just in time and proceeded to puke your guts out in the only stall with a working latch. 

It was official: you hated concerts with a passion and would never be coming to one any time soon. Thankfully, the queasy sensation that started earlier was now gone, but instead, it was replaced by a different feeling. Your heart started racing like a bullet train on an endless track headed nowhere. A balloon of air filled your chest cavity and made you choke on your own breathing. 

Clutching your chest, your jaw clenched to fight back the urge to cry and closed your eyes tight. You started breathing like your doctor told you to whenever you started getting chest aches. In, out, in out, in out. 

You hated concerts. 

Yoongi was staring out the streaky window of the tour bus as rain clouds began to loom over them. The guys were quick to notice how weird he was acting towards the end of the show, like he had—

“Dude, did you see a ghost or something?” Seokjin asked with genuine concern woven in. Yoongi didn’t have any headphones in like he normally did, but he didn’t pay any attention to what any of the guys were saying. They didn’t piss him off or annoy him, he just couldn’t concentrate on anything right now. Right after his solo, he had to run to the bathroom before he puked onstage. He didn’t even eat anything a few hours before their performance, but maybe that was exactly why he got sick. Performing on an empty stomach helped combat his nerves, but he’d never had to pay the price until tonight’s show. 

“Yoongi?” Hoseok prodded, poking his shoulder from far away with the selfie stick he used to livestream earlier. Better to poke the sleeping bear with a selfie stick from a safe distance than to let the bear sleep peacefully, right? 

“Hm?” Finally he said something. The past two hours of silence since the show closed out was too weird, even for Yoongi. “What?” 

“You okay dude?” Namjoon looked up from his phone and to his friend.

Yoongi nodded, slipping in a pair of earbuds and closing his eyes. He was exhausted and didn’t feel like answering their bound-to-be relentless questions. He wasn’t acting weird, he was just emotionally and physically spent. 

They shrugged and went back to their business, leaving the grumpy one to his own devices. In reality, he didn’t have any music playing through the buds and just needed to drown out their chatter and think to himself. 

He tried remembering your face in the sea of flashing cameras, light sticks, signs, glowing wrist bands, and who knows what else. Your partially agape mouth that was so utterly fixated on his performance, not the group’s. His brows knit together when trying to picture your smile, only to come to a dead end. There were too many phones shoved in his face and the swarm of people that flocked to him when he tried coming down the stage to get a closer look at you. 

Yoongi grunted in frustration, but because his eyes were still closed, the boys assumed it was just another bad dream. He’d been having a lot of those these days. Taehyung refused to share a room with him when they returned home because he would always wake up to Yoongi thrashing around and screaming in his sleep. Tonight would without a doubt be no different. 

Yoongi couldn’t get your face out of his mind, regardless of how hazy and unclear it was. Who were you? What was your name? Why did you come to a concert if you were only going to be there for a few minutes at a time? Why did you leave after his song? What did you think of it? Did you get home safe? After hours of divulging a plan to find out your identity, he surrendered to defeat. 

It was as if the world was telling him to stay awake until he knew exactly who you were, where you were, and what you were doing at this exact moment. 

He didn’t sleep at all that night. 

Staring out his window, he pressed his cheek onto the cold glass and closed his eyes. The icy pane felt satisfying in contrast to his burning hot face. This time of year was Yoongi’s least favorite. Winter—the season where everything died and left nothing but freezing cold, thick, white blankets of snow. 

The season you left him. 

He grimaced as the memory resurfaced, fists clenching so hard his nails dug crescents into his palms. He wanted to scream but couldn’t find his voice to. 

“If you want to leave, then just leave!” he yelled. Gathering the clothes littered beside the bed, he threw them across the room and landed by your feet soundlessly. 

Your expression remained stone cold, gaze burning holes that glowed brighter than the sun on the angriest summer day. “Yoongi—” He was quick to cut you off. 

“No, ______,” Holding his hand up, he was fuming. “If you want to leave, then leave. I don’t want you here. Just go.” 

You opened your mouth to speak but it was no use. He wouldn’t listen. 

“If you’re so happy with Namjoon, why don’t you just marry him?” Yoongi’s spit out with pure venom and hatred dripping from his voice. He started laughing, delirious from what he was processing. “You know what? Fuck you, ______.”

Pausing to instigate a reaction from you, you stayed mute with arms crossed over your bare chest. He was still sat in the bed and you hadn’t moved away from the door for the past five minutes he’d been venting. 

“Yoongi,” you sighed, completely drained from the hours you had spent arguing with him. He couldn’t even look at you when you spoke. “We’re not dating. This wasn’t supposed to happen between us. You knew that, Yoongi—”

He started laughing even harder, hands covering his face in a manic daze. “And you expect me to believe that it he was only texting you?” 

That’s all it was. Namjoon asked you earlier today and asked if you wanted to go out for coffee some time. You made the glorious decision to stay the night at Yoongi’s place and keep your phone unlocked right by the nightstand. It wasn’t long before he discovered the series of texts shared between you and Namjoon that dated back two months ago. 

You’ve been sleeping with Yoongi for a little over a year now, but never made it official. 

Apparently, it still warranted this kind of a reaction from him. 

“We never said we were dating, Yoongi.” Reminding him of all the times he told you that he didn’t date and how he wanted to stay as fuck buddies, a darkness erupted from his eyes. “It’s been—”

“You think blaming a stupid label is what this is about?” He stood up and walked towards you, his smirk and upturned eyebrows making your blood boil. 

“I found someone who actually cares about me, Yoongi.” You stood up straighter. “He doesn’t just use me for his personal gain and wants to know more about me, not just for sex or whatever the fuck we’re doing.” 

“Who said I didn’t want to get to know you?” he shot back at you. “Did I say didn’t want out take you out on a date? When the fuck did I ever—”

“You did, Yoongi! You!” Raking your hands through your hair, anger didn’t even begin to describe the seething hatred that filled your veins. “You told me that this was just going to be a fuckbuddy thing. You said that you would never date because relationships were high school shit shows waiting to happen. You warned me not to fall in love with you well guess what the fuck happened genius?” 

Each pronounced word you cursed at him was followed by a shove to his chest. Just as he was about to bite back, you were running on autopilot. You couldn’t take it anymore. Clutching your throat, you thought you were drowning, water flooding your lungs and rising up your throat until you were moments from being taken under. 

“Do you know how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep over you?”

An odd look flashed across his face that you couldn’t piece together.

“The hours I wasted, wondering, begging, praying and wishing that you would like me back...” You felt tears well at the back of your eyes. “You never gave me a sign. You never said anything and you didn’t do anything, Yoongi, fuck—fucking hell. You never—” Taking a moment to breathe, your hand came up to shield your eyes, refusing to let him see you cry. 

“You never cared about me, Yoongi.”

His expression morphed even more. “I never cared?” It was a purely rhetorical question. “I never cared? I never cared? Really?” You hung your head in defeat and picked your clothes from the floor. You didn’t need this. Not now, not ever, not anymore. 

Another dry scoff came from his throat as you started dressing. “Okay, _____. I never cared. I worked my ass overtime and saved up enough money to buy you that necklace because I never cared. I drove for six hours all the way to see your performance and take you home because I didn’t care. I stayed up all night writing you that birthday card because I didn’t care. I’ve been sleeping with you for the past 18 months, letting you sleep over, making us breakfast, and spending quality time with you because I never fucking cared.” 

You froze. Why was he telling you this now? 

“It’s too late, Yoongi.” No it wasn’t. It was never too late. “You should’ve told me this when you had the chance.” 

“What fucking difference does it make that I’m telling you this now?!” he erupted. “Let’s just fucking—” He tugged at his hair, finally feeling the exact flurry of conflicting emotions you felt. “God, ______, let’s just calm down and talk it out, okay?” 

You grabbed your phone from the floor. The screen was shattered from when you threw it at the wall earlier. It almost made you chuckle. Your temper got the best of you and you ended up chucking it at the wall when Yoongi kept probing for more answers. 

Why did Namjoon text you, when was this, why didn’t you tell me, what were you going to say, were you ever going to—

“We’re done, Yoongi.” Your decision rang firm and cold. As you turned the doorknob, he grabbed you by the arm and held you still, fingers digging into your skin like shingles. 

“If you leave, we’re through, ______.” He deadpanned like you hadn’t just said that. “I mean it, ______. Don’t go.” Never had your own name sounded more agonizing to hear and make you feel like bile was coming up your throat. 

You refused to turn away from him when your words followed, feet firmly anchored in the ground and staring through him like glass. “Goodbye, Yoongi.” 

Snatching your arm out of his grip, he scoffed through his nose. His jaw was slack and his tongue prodded the inside of his cheek, biting his lip to the point where he nearly broke skin. This was it. 

“I hate you.” You could barely make out what he said because you slammed the door on your way out. His knees buckled and he fell to the hardwood floor with a thud. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” he kept repeating to himself long after you were gone. Maybe if he said it enough times it would turn into the truth. “I hate you. I hate you.” 

Yoongi cupped his hands over his ears and began rocking back and forth, continuing his mantra and willing them with all his might to become reality. 

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

“I love you,” he finally said. “I love you.” 

I love you. 

I love you. 

“BP’s dropping, set up a drip!” The resident on-call was quick to gather all the nurses and they had to work fast.

“Book an OR! We have to operate now!” he shouted at anyone who was listening, pushing the gurney down the hall and making people move out of the way like oil in water. 

Each doorway burst open as the doctors and nurses rolled you down each sector of the hospital, juggling around medical jargon and ordering everyone standing idle in the aisle to “Get out of the way!” 

The nurses shoving the IV needles into your arms was barely a tickle compared to the other things you were focused on. Your body hurt. It felt like everything was being crushed but none of the pain was registering in your brain because of how much it was. Your eyelids weighed a ton and it stung to even open them. It hurt to breathe. Every time you inhaled, it seemed like a knife was digging itself deeper into the side of your chest, ripping through flesh and piercing each individual bone. 

“Please do something!” someone shouted, probably at the nurses. As if that would do anything...

The sound of footsteps clapped like thunder against the floor tiles, running towards you as fast as they could. “You have to save her!” 

A nurse that was about two feet shorter than him, managed to hold him back with an iron grip. “I’m sorry sir, staff only. We promise we’ll do the best we can.”

This felt familiar. Nostalgic, even. Dare you say it, comforting? 

“Where the hell is Yoongi?” Jungkook asked Namjoon, bright red and dripping with sweat from carrying you on his back. He swore he would never use the line, “We’re lucky we live right next to the school’s teaching hospital” as a joke ever again. 

Namjoon paced back and forth while on his phone, calling everyone and telling them to get to the hospital as soon as they could. “I don’t know, he’s not answering.” 

“I’m sorry, your call could not be completed—”

“Shit!” Namjoon swore and kicked one of the plastic chairs, earning a few nasty glares from the nurses and patients. 

“Jungkook!” Turning around, the two saw Jimin, Seokjin, and Hoseok running towards them. 

“What the hell happened?” the oldest asked. “Is she okay?” 

Namjoon had to lean against the wall for support. His head was spinning. He couldn’t find it in himself to say anything.

“They rolled her into an operating room a few minutes ago,” Jungkook answered, voice shaking like a child’s. “We don’t know yet.” 

“Taehyung’s on his way here right now,” Hoseok signed in exasperation.

Jimin asked what was on everyone’s mind. “Where’s Yoongi?”

“He’s not answering his phone.” Namjoon filled in with a bitter voice, now oddly calm. “One of you guys should call him. Maybe he’ll answer if someone he doesn’t despise calls him.” 

All of a sudden, Taehyung burst through the double doors in a hoodie and sweats, running over to where the five were lined up along the wall. “Namjoon!” 

Panting like he’d just run a marathon, he didn’t bother catching his breath before asking what happened. “Have they helped her yet? What’s wrong?” 

“We don’t know,” Jimin replied. “They haven’t told us anything yet.” 

It was unclear whether he was talking about the doctors or Namjoon and Jungkook, but Taehyung didn’t bother asking what he meant. 

Jungkook asked Taehyung what Namjoon refused to. “Did you call Yoongi?” 

Taehyung shook his head. “It went straight to voicemail...” Behind him, Seokjin, Hoseok, and Jimin were all taking turns calling Yoongi, probably blowing up his phone with hundreds of messages, voicemails, and missed calls. 

He never answered. 

Yoongi was never a fast runner. He did P.E. in high school and sprinted 50 meters on the field whenever he needed to burn off some steam, but he never enjoyed running. 

Running to the hospital made him hate it more than he thought humanly possible. 

Each time his feet struck the concrete sent a shockwave up his knee, pins and needles pinching his nerves like no other injury he’d endured before. It was a miracle he hadn’t tripped over his own feet yet. He didn’t care, not one bit. He needed to get to you right now and if that meant suffering shin splints then so be it.  

When he finally turned his phone back on, it didn’t take him more than two seconds to read the first message before he was sprinting out of his apartment. 

59 missed calls

22 new voicemails

65 unread messages

______’s in the hospital 

Every footstep after that was synchronous with each ring of his phone; a new text message, another phone call, a bunch of voicemails that no one ever listened to on a regular basis other than when you really had nothing else to do. 

Yoongi can safely say that his lungs have never burned, ached, or pulsed more in his entire life than right now. His vision was blurry and he could hardly see straight, but he managed to make out the faint outline of Namjoon’s lanky frame. He would recognize him anywhere—it turns out people remember the first fistfight much better than they give each other credit for. However, this time, it was Namjoon doing the swinging and Yoongi being the receiving end.

Nonetheless, he didn’t expect a swift hook the moment he opened those hospital doors.

“Namjoon!” Jungkook and the others rushed to hold him back, nurses and surrounding staff calling security at lightning speed. 

“It’s fine!” Yoongi held his hand up towards the staff and pinched his nose. Leaning forward, he felt blood trickle down his knuckles and into his mouth. The faint metallic tang took him back to the night he and Namjoon almost killed each other at your apartment. 

The doctors looked at each other, silently debating whether or not they should have them kicked out. After a few moments of reading the air, they understood the nature of your situation and let it pass, just this once. 

“Where is she.” Yoongi’s question came our more like a callous statement. 

Hoseok’s hand came up to touch Yoongi’s shoulder but he smacked it away like he’d just been burned by a hot stove. 

“Where the fuck is ______, Namjoon,” he growled, facing Namjoon head on blood-streaked face and all. 

Namjoon didn’t say a word. He simply stared at the guy he used to call his best friend and waited. Waited for another question, an answer—hell, even a punch or a kick would suffice if it meant getting a reaction from Yoongi. A full minute passed in utter total silence and the others sat quietly in the surrounding chairs, monitoring the two ticking time bombs just in case things escalated quickly. 

Seokjin tried to calm him down. “She’s in the OR. We’re still waiting for an update.” 

“Glad you made it,” Namjoon’s voice cracked, practically spitting at him. “What took you so long, Yoongi?” 

“Kim Namjoon,” Yoongi muttered through clenched teeth. “Where. Is. She.” 

Namjoon began laughing, a livid flame burning behind his dark eyes. His chuckles were soon replaced by shallow breaths, gasping and coughing, until he broke down into sobs. 

“She was going to see you,” Namjoon trembled, rage and sadness wrapping their tendrils around every fiber of his being. “—you unbelievable fucking idiot.” 

Yoongi’s eyes narrowed into slits and his eyebrows furrowed. “What?” 

Namjoon was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall and head buried between his knees. Lifting his head up, he kept his eyes focused on the floor tiles. If he looked at Yoongi, he’d be more than tempted to deck him again. This time, he wouldn’t stop after a single blow.

“She came over to my place and told me that she couldn’t be with me,” he reaffirmed. “Because she loved you.” 

Yoongi’s world came crashing down. You loved him? You loved him back? 

“She said she needed to go see you,” Namjoon continued. “I told her to hurry up and go before you fell asleep. I told her to go and she actually listened to me.” All eyes were on Namjoon now, anticipating what would come out of his mouth next.

Namjoon bit the inside of his cheek and covered his mouth, holding back his whimpers. “She ran outside before I could even say a proper goodbye and th—”

Jungkook broke. “I was on my way upstairs when I heard the car all the way down the street... ” His voice hitched on the truth, only now comprehending the gravity of their new reality. 

“Lady blew a .19,” the older one sneered. “Said her drink was spiked but we all knew she was just fucking wasted and wanted to take her new ride out for a spin.” 

The bustling background noise of the hospital was now mute. Deep down inside Yoongi’s heart, something snapped. Anatomically or physically, he didn’t know, but it was even more painful than anything he had experienced in his entire life. His fingertips began buzzing like static ran through them and the sounds around him grew fuzzy, as if he’d been plunged twelve meters deep into the darkest trench of the ocean.

Yoongi’s hand flew up to his chest, a tearing sound he swear he could hear echoing like a cannon ripple. His friends stumbled to their feet and screamed to any nearby medical personnel for help. Namjoon was shellshocked, frozen like a deer in headlights. He’d just seen your lifeless body get rolled into the hospital wing. Even though he refused to admit it, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he lost another friend today. 

His ears was ringing like when he had the worst migraine back in senior year. Finals season, go figure. Yoongi snuck into your room and stayed there with you all night. Sure, you managed to get a little bit studying done. 

“Fucking do something!” Taehyung screamed. “Help him!” 

Yoongi kicked and thrashed at anyone who tried touching him, moaning and crying out until his throat went raw. An excruciating pain spread throughout his body. It felt like his muscles were peeling apart from his bones and his bare body was being dunked in battery acid. 

Then came the pit. 

It started with a numb cramp. Then, a hole opened up from deep inside his chest, swallowing all of his air and making it impossible to breathe. It was unbearable. He was going to pass out from the pain; he wanted to. Anything was better than this. God, everything fucking hurt and he just wanted to go to sleep. 

The last thing he saw was a hoard of nurses running into the room across his and the sound of of defibrillator paddles charging. With all the blood streaked across your face, he could barely make out the scar on your temple. It was from sophomore year—you fell down the bleachers after a night of bad decisions and way too many drinks. If Yoongi hadn’t caught you, you probably would’ve snapped your leg. 

He doesn’t want to remember what happened after that.

Another week passed before you decided to leave the house. It had been exactly 18 months since you moved here and yet, the city still felt foreign to you. Sure, you had a cozy studio apartment decorated well enough to remind you of home, a job you loved with all your heart, kind neighbors who treated you like a local, and not to mention a tightly-knit circle of friends you treasured more than anything. 

So why on Earth did you still feel so undeniably out of place? 

Pulling back the blinds, the sunlight streamed in like rays of heavenly light. It wasn’t supposed to be sunny today, but you weren’t one to complain. After weeks of staying cooped up in your own apartment and using “the holidays” as an excuse, your pasty complexion deemed itself worthy of some vitamin D and fresh outside air. You weren’t entirely sure how to explain it, but something was bugging you, willing you, to go outside. 

Yeah, you definitely needed some fresh air if some weird gut feeling was what finally convinced you to go outside. 

Throwing on a thick wooly coat you snagged from the thrift shop during your first month here, you had to slam the door shut with as much finesse and gusto as Houdini himself. Cheap apartments didn’t come without their share of cons, but you liked to think that your bank account thanked you each month. 

Skipping down the street right after the snow melted was the perfect equation for disaster. That didn’t stop it from being fun. You were in a good mood today for some unknown reason. Everyone had their good days as much as they had their bad ones, didn’t they? 

The warm smell of freshly baked bread wafted in the air. It flooded your nostrils with the most delightful, comforting, and delectable scent you’d ever had the pleasure of smelling. It also reminded you how hungry you were and that it was a bad decision to skip breakfast. You apologized to your wallet before venturing off to find the nearest café. At least it was cheaper than eating at a restaurant. 

You lied. It was all in the name of really good coffee and you happened to know exactly where to find some. 

The jingling of the door chime was something you had grown accustomed to over the course of 10 months. This was the only café that actually poured bottomless cups of black coffee and only charged for every two refills on lattes, cappuccinos, and other milk drinks. 

“The usual I presume?” your favorite host offered, already getting a cup ready. 

You smiled wide. “You know me oh so well, Jimin.” 

Flashing you his signature grin and a cheeky wink, he got to work steaming the milk for your double-shot flat white. “Where’s Namjoon?” you wondered aloud. “Isn’t it his turn for the lunch shift?” 

Jimin chortled. “It always blows my mind that you seem to know our schedules better than we do.” You rolled your eyes at his backhanded compliment; flattering because he appreciated how attentive and close you were with everyone who worked here, but mildly insulting because he was implying that you spent so much time here that you didn’t get out enough.

Finishing up cleaning the last row of plates, Jimin slung the dish towel over his shoulder. He beckoned you to come closer and you leaned over the counter. “Joonie has a date,” he whispered in your ear. 

“I don’t see those hands moving, Park Jimin!” You’d know that velvety voice anywhere. “Don’t forget you’re taking out the trash later if Seokjin catches you!”

“Just keeping me company, Taehyung!” Sipping the top layer of foam from the red ceramic cup, you sighed in pure bliss. 

Sticking his head out from the kitchen, his lips formed into a giddy smile. “It’s been a few days princess! How long did you sleep for this time?” 

“Hardy har har,” you jeered, scowling at his never ending tirade of Snow White jokes. “At least I still get my beauty sleep.” 

Taking mock offense to this, he didn’t get a chance to react before Seokjin snuck up from behind him smacked the back of his head with a wooden spoon. “Stop flirting with customers and finish table eight’s order, doofus.” 

“We don’t open for another hour!” Taehyung wailed. 

You suppressed the snort that almost escaped by taking another sip of your coffee. “Missed you too, Seokjin,” you greeted. He smiled heartily at you and waved before picking up the phone. Running a business while having your best friends work for you wasn’t exactly the best recipe for success, so to speak. 

“So this ‘date’ Namjoon has,” you hummed. “Is she pretty?” 

A pair of hands from behind you snaked their way your waist, tickling you into a fit of forced laughter. “It’s not good to butt your nose into other people’s business!”

You were too busy choking on your giggles, you couldn’t talk. After an incredibly long six seconds, Jungkook pulled away and greeted you with an innocent grin. His nose was crinkled the slightest bit and his eyes were inviting half-moons. 

“That’s the least you deserve for leaving me with these idiots for the past three days...” he immediately broke into a pout. 

At this, Jimin swung the towel off his shoulder and smacked Jungkook straight across the face with it. His reaction was straight out of a cartoon. If you hadn’t finished your drink beforehand, flat white would have spewed out of your nostrils all over the counter. 

“Watch your mouth kid,” Jimin warned in a melodramatic voice, and even he was holding back a series of cackles.

“See what I mean!” Jungkook whined to you, tugging your sleeve and pouting. “They’re so mean to me and steal all the tips!” 

From the kitchen, Taehyung tsked to scold the younger one and waved his spatula around for extra emphasis. “We don’t steal them, you’re just to busy chatting up all the customers to pay attention to the little details.” 

Jungkook’s mouth contorted into a pucker and he started mouthing their words to mock them. You forced yourself to stay quiet and pressed your lips together to force back any reaction. 

The ringing of the door caused you all to turn around. It was Hoseok and his—friend?

"______!” His voice was telltale surprised and ecstatic to see your face after a couple of days of absence. “Kook, Chim, Tae, guess who I brought?” 

“Well well, and I thought we had seen our share of ghosts for the day,” Taehyung gawked, ignoring the pet names Hoseok coined for them in elementary school. 

Jimin wore a look of awe. “You must be a vampire or something, you’re still as young and as pale as ever.” 

“So I did get taller!” Jungkook blurted out like the child he still was. 

The man standing beside him currently had his back turned towards you, focusing instead on the antique decor that adorned the walls, tables, chairs, and ceilings of this establishment. He wore a simple outfit, bearing nothing but a white hoodie, dark jeans, and frayed navy blue sneakers. 

When he finally turned around, you thought your heart did a triple somersault and landed in your throat. Did you know him? Didn’t you know him It wasn’t as simple as the fact that he looked familiar, he felt familiar. Everything from his face, gaze, aura, energy, and even his scent engulfed you in a cloak of solace. You knew him from somewhere, yet you had no idea who he was or where he was from. 

The moment he turned around, Yoongi was immediately drawn to you. Everything else flew out the window and you were the sole focus of his mind. A forcefield of curiosity and yearning overrode all of his thoughts and he was consumed by one wish and one wish only: he needed to know your name. He needed to know who you were. 

With wide eyes and an invisible string pulling the two of you towards one another like polar ends, you didn’t notice that he had made his way right in front until Jungkook coughed up a lung. 

Hoseok broke the silence in the air. “______, this is Yoongi. Yoongi, this is ______.”

He was still drinking in your features. the tiniest details of your uneven dimples, delicate lips, baby hairs, down to the way your eyes sparkled and twinkled like the brightest stars in the sky. 

Likewise, you were sketching out every single detail of his face; the almond-shaped creases of his eyes, pouty lips, flawless skin, and of course, the half a second he let his gummy smile slip past his lips. 

“Hi,” you finally murmured, quieter than the sound of a cricket chirping in the dead of night. A small grin crept along the edges of your lips as he parted his lips to speak. 

Yoongi couldn’t stop the smile that lit up his features. “Hi.” 

“Psst—” Taehyung craned his body over the serving window to whisper in Jimin’s ear. “What’s up with them?” 

Jungkook, Jimin, and Hoseok shrugged, looking back and forth at each other, then at you and Yoongi. 

“It’s really nice to meet you.” So this is what it’s like...

He held out his hand, the distance between you staying the same yet growing shorter each second. 

Taking his outstretched hand into yours, you slowly closed your fingers around his, admiring how they seemed to fit perfectly like a lock and key. It was as if a spark had ignited between your two bodies, embers flying like fireworks underneath the pitch black darkness of night. How were his hands so warm? 

Any remaining drop of apprehension you ever had was now gone, replaced by a bright, glowing light that outshined everything else. 

“The pleasure is mine.” Finally.

The air hung heavy with nerves as you and Yoongi stood absolutely silent, fingers still entwined with one another. Hoseok coughed from the serving counter. When did he get there—

“You gonna catch up with us or leave us hanging again, Yoongs?” Jimin teased, a mischievous smirk painting his features. Letting go of his hand, the feeling of cold air grazing your palm was instantaneous. Jungkook slung his arm over your shoulder jokingly. “What have you been up to, Yoongi?” He was desperate for some kind of attention, he was willing to piss his best friend off for it. You tried to refrain from giggling. 

“What am I, cold turkey?” Taehyung complained from the back. Crossing your arms to shelter your hands, you notice how icy they’d become in the span of a few seconds. Yoongi climbed over the counter in the blink of an eye and whacked the chef behind his head. 

“Show some respect you goofball, you haven’t seen me in months,” the older scolded. Chuckling, his gums were the slightest bit visible as he smiled wide, another wave of familiarity swallowing your senses. 

You stepped outside five minutes after the guys started chatting and catching up with each other, awkwardness overcoming your ability to carry on a normal conversation. Yoongi’s presence made you—flustered, to say the least. Ideally and in any other social situation, you would have stayed and introduced yourself to him further, but you felt like you were already intruding on a private conversation.

After an hour of pacing back and forth and pretending to be busy with a phone call, you went back inside and told the guys you had to get back home. “I forgot I had some extra papers I still haven’t sorted through,” you lied through a forced out dry laugh. “Don’t want my boss to kill me.” 

The guys waved goodbye, and Yoongi looked like he’d been slapped across the face. “It was nice meeting you,” he managed to pry out. “See you around.” 

Flashing him a tight-lipped grin, you scooped up your things from the counter, bid the boys farewell, and hurried out the door. The moment you set foot out the door, it was as if something tugged the hems of your coat. Did you forget your phone? Bag? Journal? Wallet?

Patting yourself down thoroughly, you shook it off as just another misled gut feeling. You hadn’t visited the café in a while and started the day off on an off foot in the first place. 

You were a few meters from the café when someone called out to you—shouted, actually. 

“______!” Their footsteps drew closer, each dull thunk on the pavement instead reverberating like a crisp knock on hardwood. 

Turning around, your looked down at the figure hunched over directly in front of you and gasped. Yoongi was panting heavily, shoulders rising and falling as he supported himself by resting his hands on his knees. Patting his back out of habit like you’d done for your high school teammates after a track meet, he reached out and gripped your forearm for support. 

Biting back a chuckle, you had to ask. “Are you alright?” Had he really sprinted that far just to catch up to you? Damn, you really did leave your phone back there, didn’t you...

Clearing his throat, he stood up straight and tried catching his breath. “Never been better, thanks.” He was still holding your arm. “I was going to ask if you—if you uh, God this is weird—,” he stuttered, eyes falling to the concrete pavement beneath his feet.

You tried your hardest not to interrupt. While he kept tripping over his words like an adorable nervous wreck, you relaxed your arm so that his hand slid into yours, slotting together perfectly like two matching puzzle pieces. Feeling the warmth radiate from his touch, you saw his expression ease immediately. He squeezed your hand. When you returned the favor with a shy grin, it gave him the courage to speak. 

“Do you want to go out for dinner sometime, ______?” he finally asked, your name flowing off of his tongue like the most beautiful song you’d ever heard. Yoongi’s eyes glimmered with anticipation and hope.

Looking deeper into his entrancing gaze, you didn’t have to think twice. “I would love to, Yoongi.” His heart exploded in his chest when you said his name, a trapped butterfly escaping from its cage with a vivid flurry of colors and radiating light. 

Love at first sight always seemed like nothing short of a fairytale, but you had a feeling that this came pretty damn close to it. 

Soulmates weren’t always romantic lovers. Sometimes, they were close friends or merely acquaintances. More often than not, they even lived their entire human life without finding each other, the closing chapter of their lives spent with their loved ones, twin flame, an unlinked soul, or in complete solitude. 

Each life was given to you for a reason. Every experience, painful memory, death, birth, and ounce of love and loss you endured throughout all of your past lives was entirely out of your control. It was neither your destiny nor fate to remember the lifetimes with or without your soulmate, and doing so would be a waste of the time you were given in this current life. 

Fate, karma, destiny, divine logos, universal divinity—call it what you want. 

We do not remember our past, nor are we better off predicting our future. 

All we have is the present moment and ourselves, and that is more than enough. 

5/5/2020—3:43:01 AM

[snidgetwidgeon]

Escape

This work was prompted by a fic exchange between friends on Discord. It evolved into something completely different as I wrote it, becoming my first whump! Prepare for the sad.

Zelda endeavors to find purpose through her crippling grief, but sometimes all you can do is leave your world behind, when all it has done is take from you.

~~~

Link found Zelda in the greenhouse treating the hydroponic tank, hands dipped into the cool water, emitting a soft golden glow. He never ceased to be mesmerized by her birth right and the creative ways she continued finding to help people.

She had chosen a quieter path after they sealed the Calamity. Rather than reinstating the monarchy in a kingdom that had clearly survived and moved on without it, she decided to be a healer. It was noble, but he also understood it to be penance. She still blamed herself for everything even though she was better at hiding it after all these years.

“Almost finished?” he asked, playing with the leaves of a tea bush.

She looked up startled, then relaxed as she saw it was only Link in his stealth set. He’d taken quite a liking to many things Sheikah since they made their residence in Kakariko and this was his favorite.

“What have I told you about slinking up on me?” she reprimanded calmly, refocusing her attention on the water.

“Don’t get caught?”

“Very funny,” she replied. “One of these days, you’ll startle the wrong person.”

Link answered with a cheeky grin.

She rolled her eyes, “I’m coming soon, I just wanted to finish feeding the new crop before we left.”

“Alright, I’ll check the horses over, make sure we haven’t forgotten anything. The girls told me to tell you, ‘don’t you dare leave’ without seeing them first,” he mimicked Koko’s manner. “I think they have something for you at the house.”

She turned to say something but he had slipped out as quietly as he had slipped in. She blew out a slow breath, trying to retain her patience.

The glow faded as she lifted her hands out of the water. She dried them on her tunic and ensured the notes she left for Mellie were in the right place. With a final glance over, everything was as it should be. Satisfied, she went to find the girls to say goodbye.

Koko and Cottla slid the door open and threw themselves at her when she knocked. “Girls, girls! You aren’t little anymore, you’re gonna take me out one day if you keep bowling me over like a baby goron,” she chided them good naturedly.

“But we miss you already,” Cottla explained while squeezing Zelda’s waist.

“I’ll be back before you know it. Come on now, you know the drill.” Zelda pried them off. “Right, Link said you have something for me?”

Koko brightened and rushed to the table to retrieve an ornate box. “Dad made this box for you to organize your medicines in when you visit the other villages, and me and Cottie made you something too!”

Zelda took it and admired the craftsmanship. It was engraved with herbs well known as remedies for various ailments and even included a silent princess on the front between the two opening clasps. “This is so beautiful, and very practical. Please tell your father I appreciate it very much in case I don’t see him on my way out.” She then looked at the girls a little expectantly, who were fit to bursting, and asked, “And what did you two make?”

“Open it,” they both chimed, slightly out of sync.

“Oh! How silly of me, of course.” She carefully undid the clasps and raised the lid to reveal a variety of snacks. “My goodness, these look delicious.”

Cottla started pointing, “I made this one, and this one, and those ones-”

Koko interrupted, “And I made this one, and all of these ones,” she said as she lifted the top layer out of the box to reveal an extra compartment beneath.

“They look wonderful, thank you so much. I’ll make sure to stretch them out during my trip and think of you lots.”

With her free arm she hugged them both and kissed their foreheads before departing, mirroring their frantic waving.

~~~

Link and Zelda began in Akkala and made their way across central Hyrule and Tabantha. Zelda’s melancholy was always more noticeable on the road than in the village. They would go hours without speaking, and Link would hum to himself often, hoping that it offered her some comfort. About halfway through their journey, he noticed a change in her spirit.

Their next destination was Gerudo Town. It always warmed her heart to visit and was her favorite. It had been her home away from home when she was growing up and she was never able to visit as much as she wanted.

From Gerudo Stable, it took nearly a day on foot to reach Kara Kara where the pool was quite welcoming. They decided to have a refreshing dip to wash off the sweat and dust of the road. They followed this by sunning themselves on the rocks like lizards until mostly dry then went to secure a room and a meal. The following day they would rent some sand seals so as not to exhaust themselves on the remainder of the journey. Link double checked that he carried all pieces of the vai outfit so he would be able to enter. He did not fancy having to wait outside like that one year when he’d remembered everything but the all important face covering.

He could have returned to Kara Kara to try and source another, but there was no guarantee something would be available and by the time he returned, Zelda would be just about finished anyway. So he had slummed it with the men outside. It wasn’t all bad. They had a nice campfire and a sense of camaraderie during the night, but... never again.

After arriving, Link went to organize their rooms at the Oasis while Zelda sought an audience with Chief Riju. By now she was a young woman of nearly twenty, still on the small side for a Gerudo, but her thick red braid had grown with her and was just as impressive as ever.

“Zelda,” she greeted her guest enthusiastically, “I’ve been looking forward to your visit. Please tell me you’ll be staying longer this time, poor Patricia doesn’t know what to do with herself when you blow in and out.”

“I see you remembered my request from last time. Thank you,” she nodded sincerely.

“Of course, I’d call you anything you like. Absent, late,” she started waving her hands to various examples in jest, “never here long enough-”

“Alright, I get it. I’m sorry. It’s just,” Zelda focused on her feet, “Impa is so frail now, I was wary of leaving at all this year.”

Riju rose from her throne in concern and approached Zelda, taking her hands in her own. “My sincerest apologies, I would not have teased if I knew. How is she?”

Zelda looked up surprised before staring down at Riju’s hands. They were smooth and bronzed, adorned with golden bracelets and teal painted nails that reminded her of Urbosa. “She... she was certainly still well enough to send me packing, telling me not to languish around on her account. The other people of Hyrule need me too, and this is how I have chosen to help, so... here I am,” she smiled but it did not reach her eyes.

Riju enveloped her in a hug and she found herself staring wide-eyed at Buliara whom she could have sworn wore a light smirk. Green mirrored green as Riju then held her at arms length, gazing into her eyes before looking her over. “What has Link been feeding you? Chickaloo nuts?” Before Zelda could answer, Riju took her by the hand and dragged her out of the audience chamber. “We’re going to go have a nice meal at the Canteen.”

Buliara was quick to follow. “Chief Riju, you still have-”

“Whatever it is can wait, I’m spending time with our special guest,” Riju answered over her shoulder. Zelda felt a slight exhilaration being pulled down the steps into the town square where the evening markets were beginning to ramp up. “What about Link?”

Riju grinned, “He’s resourceful, he’ll find us,” she winked.

Zelda felt a flutter.

~~~

A fortnight or so later, they had made their way through the Faron region and hired a boat to take them around the cape into Hateno Bay. Zelda counted the last of the fifty-odd packs labeled Blessed Tea and handed them over to the Mayor when she saw Symin running down the hill from the lab. It only seemed slightly curious until she also spotted a Rito flying away. Suddenly she had a bad feeling.

She quickly finished her transaction, “These should help over winter, Mayor, excuse me,” then yelled for Link and raced to meet Symin, leaving the Mayor with a confused expression.

Link was swiftly by her side and they met Symin halfway up the path, everyone out of breath.

“Zelda,” Symin started, “we just received word- Impa.”

Zelda was stricken, and grabbed his arm, “Is she gone?!”

“No,” he gasped for breath, “fading.”

“Link, pack our things. I’ll get Purah ready.”

The three of them materialized just above Kakariko and Zelda immediately started running down the winding path through the houses. She didn’t stop until she was huffing right outside the door of the Elder’s house. She tried to compose herself. She wanted to brave.

She hadn’t felt such fear since the day she stared down the maw of the calamity.

Link caught up shortly after, having kindly kept pace with an adolescent Purah. Part of her hoped that her sister might chose to stay with them, but in her heart she knew. This whole exercise was going to be futile.

Zelda took a deep breath and pushed the door open, eyes adjusting to the dim light of the lanterns. Paya was sitting next to Impa’s platform, her red tower of pillows now replaced with a futon. Zelda could see Impa’s small form as she approached, appearing as though she could disappear altogether under the covers into nothingness.

Paya stood and took Zelda’s hands, “She’s been holding out for you, I know it,” she whispered.

Zelda choked on a sob. “Is she- can she still hear me?”

“Yes, she’s just sleeping. You look like you could use some rest too. I’ll come get you if she wakes.”

“No, there’s no way I’m leaving her.” Zelda sat next to the futon and put her hands on the cover. She could just make out the faint tattoo in the wrinkled folds of Impa’s forehead and stretched her fingers out to touch it. They started to glow and Zelda connected with Impa’s fading essence, offering comfort and wishing she could do more. She could feel it, she had no power over the natural death of age.

She locked eyes with Purah who was now standing close, and raised her brow in a silent, pleading question.

“Of course I’ll stay.” Purah joined her on the floor, one hand resting on Zelda’s knee for support and the other gripped tightly around her slate to stabilize her own feelings.

They sat for some time, mostly in silence, occasionally telling stories about their favorite times with Impa. Link made himself useful and cared for them the best way he knew how, bringing food and soothing tea, Zelda’s own mixture. It was hardly touched but accepted with love.

Finally, after the sun had just set, Impa stirred. She was having trouble blinking her eyes open so Paya dabbed them with a wet cloth. When she saw them, her mouth opened in a lopsided, toothless grin, “My girls. There you are,” she said with a croaky voice.

“I’m here, Impa,” Zelda darted her hand under the covers to take one of Impa’s into her own, the return clasp was so loose.

“You should be out, dear. Helping-”

“All finished. I’m home to stay now.” Zelda shuffled over a bit. “Do you see who I brought with me? It’s Purah.”

Impa’s mouth became a surprised ‘O’ and she cooed. “Oh my, young as the days I chastised you, I see.”

Purah smiled, “Hey, sis. You always knew how to look out for me, even if I didn’t listen.” She looked between Paya and her slate hesitantly, an unspoken permission requested.

Paya nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“Impa, I can look after you now. Wouldn’t you like to stay longer? We need you.” Her young voice felt foreign to her in Impa’s presence and she experienced a sudden nostalgia for when they used to work at the Castle, an entire era ago.

A soft chuckle escaped the feeble woman and she squeezed Zelda’s hand a little.

“You are all quite well equipped. I’ll not be having you point that thing at me.”

Zelda leaned in, “Impa, please don’t say that. Purah knows how it works now. You could just have half again, even a quarter. I can’t lose you.” Zelda’s breath became shallow and she started to feel frantic. If Impa was gone, it was one more piece of her life ripped away without her control.

“I’m tired, dear. You have to let me go.” Impa smiled and her tattoo started to glow faintly.

Zelda looked to Purah, who appeared confused, and then to Paya, who was suppressing a panic. She knew what it was and white-knuckled her hands against her chest as tears started streaming down her cheeks.

“Paya? What’s happening?” Zelda asked fearfully.

“Gram- Gramma, no. I’m not ready,” her voice broke and she held Impa’s head gently, leaning over to touch their foreheads together.

The blue became stronger between them and Impa whispered, “You are, my child. You are...”

Zelda felt Impa’s hand go slack. “No, Impa. Impa! We can save you, please!”

The clatter of the slate felt like it could be heard across the village when Purah dropped it and lunged for her sister. Impa’s body became a blue energy that broke across the room as Purah cried, “Impa!”

Link stared in awe at a scene he was all too familiar with. A Sheikah, having fulfilled their duty to Hylia, finally being able to return to an essence.

Zelda started shrieking and he rushed to her, holding her tight and letting her sob into his chest. When the light faded, Zelda’s golden radiance remained, but it offered no warmth.

Outside, Dorian heard the screams and held his position stoically as he stared across the village she loved; the village she had welcomed him into, despite his past and his betrayal. A few tears escaped his rugged features. She was one of the greatest souls he ever knew.

The day after next, residents gathered at the graveyard and a fresh stone was added. It looked out of place next to the other well worn and moss covered ones. Impa’s had the Eye of the Sheikah carved in its face. Zelda stared at it for an age and at the same time, felt like she was staring at nothing at all.

After another two days of cultural observations and preparations, Paya was ready to be presented as the new spiritual leader of Kakariko. Zelda blessed her before the statue of Hylia and then kept to herself during the following festivities. She retired early and bade Link to follow.

Once back in the house, she said to him, “I need to leave.”

He nodded in understanding. “Ok. We’ll leave.”

“Tomorrow.”

“What should we tell everyone?”

“That I’m going on a pilgrimage.”

~~~

A few days later they made it to Gerudo Town. Riju couldn’t hide her pleasure from the surprise visit, but the mood quickly turned somber when she found out why. The Chieftain offered Zelda a place in her chambers and silenced Buliara’s protest. She would not have a dear friend grieving away in a hotel, protocol be damned.

As much as she tended to defy her right hand’s strict adherence to the rules, she did appreciate that Buliara was always there to remind her of what was done, and what was not done. That way, she knew when she was making an informed decision to do whatever she pleased.

Zelda accepted her offer and hid in Riju’s chambers for days, cuddling the sand seals and moping. When Riju finished her duties, which were more often pushed aside than not so she could try to offer comfort, Zelda remained flighty about discussing her pain.

Link came by occasionally to check on her but Zelda would have him turned away. It was a hard thing to do because she knew she was hurting him, but she needed to get him used to being without her. Since the moment Impa died, she knew what she wanted. And that was to leave. She needed to leave the past that was weighing in her heart like a black hole, devouring all of her present and future into its guilt ridden depths. Hyrule held nothing for her but regret.

Just as she had been doing every evening, Riju asked Zelda if she wanted to come down and join her for dinner. Until now, she’d been politely refused, but tonight, she was pleased to hear something different.

“Could we take dinner here, in your chambers?” Zelda asked from her lounging position on the sofa. She had a Gerudo text in front of her, mildly interested in learning the modern colloquialisms that had developed since she spoke the language with her mother and Urbosa.

“Well... of course, I see no reason why not.” Riju held one arm in the other and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Is there something you wish to discuss?”

Zelda gave an expression somewhere between conviction and a half smile as she appeared to work up the courage. “Yes.”

“Say no more.”

They conversed well into the night and found a familiarity that was comforting when Riju said, “You know you’re welcome to call me Makeela.” She became nervous when that caused Zelda to fall silent.

Finally she spoke, and Riju’s stomach felt weightless at hearing her name on Zelda’s lips.

“Makeela, I have been wanting to ask if you’d be willing to help me with a serious undertaking.” She placed her fork on her plate and dabbed at her mouth with the napkin, having only finished a third of her meal.

“I would help you in all endeavors. My resources are yours to command.” Riju took a sip of her wine and played with her braid.

“I wish... no.” Zelda looked at her feet because she did not want to see the hurt she knew this would cause her dear friend. “I need to leave Hyrule.”

Riju’s butterflies plummeted and she tried to keep her composure. “For- for how long?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a few years. Maybe forever.” She worried at the fabric of her sirwal but kept her resolve.

“I- well- a trip like that takes weeks to prepare. It is not the usual season that we cross the desert.” Riju stood, placing her unfinished glass on the table and left for the doorway. “I’ll have to see if we can spare the resources.” She frowned, unable to hold in her disappointment any longer. “I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

After Riju left, Zelda exhaled a low sigh and slumped in her chair. She downed the rest of her and Riju’s wine and crashed, unaware of the Chief’s return later that night.

Riju was also already up and gone the next morning. In her place was Link, glaring at her from the sofa. Zelda imagined he was trying to be intimidating but with a large stuffed seal sitting next to him she could only laugh.

His face faltered to one of pleasant surprise as he hadn’t heard her laugh in so long, but he regained his resolve and began his interrogation. “When were you planning on telling me your designs for crossing the borders?”

She wasn’t immediately forthcoming.

“Zelda, I swore an oath and by Hylia I will keep it, but... I have things- and people that I would need to see before going on a pilgrimage like this. I’d appreciate being part of such a big decision.”

Zelda’s humor had faded and she braced herself under his perfectly justified onslaught. “Well, you’re not.”

“I beg your pardon?” he stood up and crossed the room, taking on an imposing figure; quite a feat considering what he was wearing. He loomed over the edge of her trundle bed against the sandstone wall of Riju’s luxurious chambers.

She looked up at him challengingly, “You aren’t coming.”

“What does that even mean?” he spluttered.

She rose to meet his face and squared her jaw. “It means you are staying here so you can deal with the people and things you need to.”

He was about to protest having his words thrown back at him but she continued, throwing a finger in his face, “No, you should start living your own life. All I have ever done is take from you.”

His features softened to concern, “Zelda, that’s not true.”

She walked past him to the alcove of the terrace and looked out at the morning bustle. “It is, you just don’t remember. You fulfilled your destiny Link. You should be free of me.”

“I would never abandon you.”

She heaved a great sigh and closed her eyes. “Just... just promise me you’ll at least think about it?”

He hovered for a moment before acquiescing. “Fine.” He then swept down the stairs in a mood.

She imagined he would go and brood. Probably going to climb one of his mountains. “I’m sorry, Link.”

~~~

Riju had become somewhat distant since their evening meal but she assured Zelda that preparations for the caravan were underway and expected to be completed the following week. Initially, the lead Gerudo desert scout was not keen on leaving during an off season, but once she found out that Hylia’s Blessed would be with them, she agreed. As per tradition, there was a festival of worship held before a large trade journey to entreat the Goddess of the Sands and the Seven Heroine ancestors to bless their travels across the barrens.

As the sun set, the decorative lanterns strewn about the main square started glowing different colors and swaths of shimmering, patterned fabrics hung from the stalls and palm trees. Drums began to play as the party who had set out the previous day to provide offerings to the Seven Heroine monoliths returned to take part in the festivities. Once they had completed a prayer they were given the first servings of food and drink. Travelers who were fortunate to be within the town at the time were enthralled when the announcement was made in Gerudo, “You may begin!”

Zelda leaned against a palm tree, absentmindedly tracing the pattern on some of the draped fabrics when she noticed that dancing had begun. She was suddenly reminded of when she was little, watching beautiful women in vibrant colors, hips undulating and slitted skirts swirling hypnotically. Her mother had danced this way with Urbosa and she’d drawn Zelda in, twirling her between them. She was filled with an intense warmth and an incredible sadness all at once and almost left to return to her quarters when she saw Riju.

She was in the middle of the dancers, hair wild and free, draped in a teal sirwal to match her lips. She found Zelda staring and smiled dazzlingly. Riju kept her gaze steady on Zelda for the rest of the dance, only when she turned away would it be broken and then their eyes would lock once more.

Once it was finished, a new drum beat started and the denizens joined in, knowing it was now open to everyone. An overly confident Goron even jumped in, wiggling joyously and taking extra care to not knock anyone over.

Riju bounced over, breathless and elated.

Zelda smiled, “Makeela, that was amazing, I didn’t know you could dance.”

“An offering to the Goddess of the Sands. Anyone can join in now. Come join with me,” she held out her hand, bracelets jingling melodically.

Zelda hesitated for a moment, remembering the joy she felt dancing so, so long ago. She then placed her hand in Riju’s and allowed herself to be transported. If only for tonight.

The beat was energetic and the movements were such that they were mostly apart, Zelda trying humorously to get her hips swinging the same way; but when they came together, the warmth of Riju’s hand would cause a shiver of excitement to run all the way to her toes and she was thankful that her blush was hidden by the exertion.

Teal and white swirled through the crowds, long red and golden tresses whipped as they spun. They were constantly laughing, apologizing to those they bumped into because they only saw each other. For a few moments, Zelda felt happy.

The next couple of days passed by in a bit of a haze. Zelda had finally emerged from Riju’s chambers and explored Gerudo Town one last time before her trip. Her heart was heavy, now burdened with the prospect of yet even another loss, but her resolve remained.

She partook in various activities to try and distract herself from the waiting, and even indulged at the Oasis. She melted away during the treatment but the moment she was back outside shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand, she saw a familiar Hylian vai waiting for her. The weight in her stomach returned and she stole herself for what was to come.

She approached him, indicating that she was ready to have it out.

“I have done as you asked,” he said flatly.

“And?”

“I’ve decided to come with you.”

She closed her eyes and inhaled through her nose before looking at him. “Let’s talk about this somewhere else.”

As they moved away, a stall holder scrunched her nose in disappointment.

When they reached a secluded space between some sandstone walls and storage crates she surprised him by outright apologizing. “Link, I’m sorry. The way I spoke to you before... made it sound like you had a choice.”

Confusion and anger crossed his features and she continued before he could speak, “I’m going and you will build your own life here like you always should have been allowed to do. I’m ordering you to.”

“But- my oath. I must keep you safe-”

“You can’t even remember taking your oath,” she spat impatiently. It was cruel. But he needed to be convinced. “If you wish to be beholden to oaths, then I, Princess Zelda of Hyrule, hereby release you of your duty and order you to live your own life.”

“You are my only life,” he said softly. “Zel, you’re all I’ve known since I woke up.”

She was caught off guard and speechless for a few moments, then reached out to his shoulders and pulled his forehead against hers, closing her eyes. “I’m so sorry. Hylia always takes everything from her Hero.”

He wrapped his arms around her and they shared an embrace of kinship only known to the souls of the past who also bore the pieces of courage and wisdom. When she pulled away, her brows furrowed in pain. “If you won’t be parted from me for your own sake then I need you to do it for mine.”

“What do you mean?”

She sat on one of the crates, the rejuvenating energy she regained at the Oasis already drained, swallowed up by her distress. “I don’t think I can heal here. Everything reminds me of my failure and the losses I have sustained. With Impa gone, I just... I can’t anymore. I need to be free of this place and everyone in it. Including you.”

He knelt before her and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “At least take them with you, just in case,” he entreated.

She opened it tentatively and faltered, shaking her head. It was the photo of the two of them with the Champions. He’d kept it with him all this time.

“No,” she refused kindly, placing one hand on her heart and holding it back out for him. “I have them here. You need this more than me.”

On top of everything else she regretted, Link had never regained his memories. She had occasionally tried telling him stories of their lives, but it always became too painful and eventually he stopped asking.

He nodded and returned it to its place in a pocket against his breast. He then drew the Master Sword from his back and held it horizontally before him. They regarded each other sadly and she tilted her head forwards to acknowledge his ceremony.

“I, Link, Knight of Hyrule, renounce my sworn duty to the Crown Princess... at the behest of my dear friend, Zelda.”

She smiled through a chin wobble and nodded her thanks, unable to form words.

He stood and sheathed the blade, a fleeting thought crossing his mind that the next leg of this pilgrimage would be returning it to its resting place in the Korok Forest. He drew her up into hug and stroked her hair. “I’ll miss you.”

A tear dropped onto his shoulder and she let go to hold his face, realizing it may be the last time she looks upon it. She kissed him. “Thank you. For taking care of me.”

He nodded once and then slipped away as her hands fell back to her sides, scrunching her sirwal.

~~~

Zelda returned to Riju’s room and stood numbly for a few moments. She didn’t know what to do with herself and listlessly looked around. She nearly decided on diving into the stuffed seals but then spied the inviting pool close to the foot of her bed. She would wash. Just wash the whole day away.

She perused the shelf of bathing accoutrements as she tied up her hair and picked a few promising items. She dropped two large rubies in to heat the water and an aromafizz that smelled of lemongrass. When the bath was bubbling away, she shed her clothes, folded them neatly on her bed and stepped in, sighing with pleasure. She settled her head on a folded towel at the edge and tried to think of nothing while playing with the ruby under the water. The bubbles had come up a lovely pale yellow and she balanced some on her knees, making little wobbly peaks.

Not long after, Riju came in and exclaimed, “Oh, what a perfect idea. Mind if I join you?” She was already taking off her headdress before waiting for an answer and when Zelda managed to squeak a yes, she started leaving a trail of shoes, top and skirt all the way to the water.

Zelda knew that public bathing was common place for Gerudo but she still politely averted her eyes until Riju was under the bubbles and situating her large braid behind her neck to act as her pillow. Once she was finally settled she let out a big sigh. “Yes, this is just what I needed.”

They relaxed in a companionable silence for quite some time, before Zelda oddly felt compelled to talk about what had happened. She opened her eyes and looked over at Riju. “I sent Link away today.”

“What?” Riju jerked her head up so quickly that her braid fell into the water.

“Sorry,” Zelda exclaimed but Riju waved away her concern.

“Why did you send him away?”

“He should be living his own life, not tethered to me anymore.”

“But who will look out for you when you cross the desert? I mean, on occasion a Gerudo will stay, but usually just for one rotation-” she suddenly looked hopeful. “Does this mean you are not going?”

Zelda stared into Riju’s eager eyes and her resolve faltered. “I- I’m not sure.” The sudden and seemingly permanent departure of someone who had been by her side for seven years made her long for closeness. And Riju clearly cared for her. Did she also, in return?

She started to play with Riju’s braid under the water, removing the tie and unwinding the tresses. Riju closed her eyes in pleasure, feeling the gentle tugs like a scalp massage. She leaned forward and with a wet, soapy hand, tamed one of Zelda’s fly aways before letting her nails glide down her cheek onto her neck. Zelda shivered under her ghostly touch and her lips parted as she gazed at Riju through half-lidded eyes.

“Makeela,” she said softly.

Riju drew the small woman into her chest and kissed her tenderly, as much a comforting gesture as it was an exploration. Zelda yielded to her and caressed her shoulders and neck, deepening their connection. Her hands started to glow golden and Riju gave a start at the sensation, pulling back in surprise. “What is that?”

“I- I honestly don’t know. My power- but it has never done this before.”

Riju raised a curious eyebrow. “Have you ever done this before?”

Zelda spluttered and Riju laughed playfully. “Come here, I’ll give you something to glow about.” She winked.

They were in each other’s arms every available moment Riju had over the next two days. Things felt easy between them. So easy, that assumptions were made. And conversations that perhaps should have been started, never were.

Until the morning of the trade caravan.

Zelda untangled herself from Riju’s limbs and slipped out of bed to start packing. She had already planned what minimal items to take. Just the essentials that she would need for the road and plenty of money to be able to get herself started on the other side. She kept sparing guilty glances over at her lover’s sleeping form. She should never have allowed herself to indulge. Her moment of weakness was going to break this woman’s heart.

She sighed and went to collect some breakfast. When she returned and set her things down on the table she saw Riju was sitting up in bed, staring at her bag. Her brows were furrowed and without looking at Zelda,  stated, “You’re packing.”

Zelda stood still awkwardly before answering, “Yes.”

“But we- Zelda, we’re together now. I thought...” She trailed off, the growing pain evident in her voice.

“Come and have breakfast.”

Riju threw the covers off and approached angrily. “Nothing’s going in that won’t come straight back out. Explain!”

“Makeela, I told you that I need to leave-”

“That was before any of- of-,” she gestured between them, “this!”

Zelda reached for Riju’s hand, not knowing how to reconcile her new feelings with her truth. She knew she still needed to leave. “Why not come with me?” she suggested foolishly, knowing that it was impossible, but holding a faint hope that somehow, Riju would say yes.

Riju let her anger flare, unable to understand the selfishness. “Unlike you, I can’t just leave my people,” she spat, pulling her hand away.

Zelda appeared as if she’d been slapped and Riju immediately regretted lashing out.

“Keela,” Zelda said softly, lip trembling, “all my people are dead. I can’t... I can’t escape my past.” Her eyes began to sting with tears. “All those years, in that thing,” she heaved, suddenly looking frightened. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” The dam burst and she shuddered.

Riju enveloped her into a tight embrace from which Zelda derived no comfort, lost again in the darkness of a hundred years. Her tears fell golden and a light grew over them both, Hylia trying to heal her broken heart.

“Everyone is gone. My family, my friends. Purah is different, and Robbie is also not long for this world. And Impa, she wouldn’t stay. I begged her! I’ve lost Impa,” she wailed.

Riju was horrified that something she said caused such a visceral reaction. She lifted Zelda’s face to her own and wiped her tears, staring frantically into her eyes, “I’m sorry, Zelda, I’m so sorry. You have me.” She kissed her and a tear rolled down her cheek, emotions now taking them both. She pulled away to search Zelda’s deadened gaze. “I love you.”

Riju leaned in again, softer this time, and she felt a slight pressure of return just before Zelda put her hands over hers and lowered them from her face, ending the kiss.

“I... I wish I could say it back.”

Riju’s heart plummeted and it showed, though she tried to hide it.

Zelda squeezed her hands. “It’s not that I wouldn’t. I just... I can’t love anyone else until I learn to forgive myself. I have felt nothing but pain and regret since my escape, no matter what I try. Please-”

“It’s ok, I understand. Just promise me you’ll be safe.”

“Hylia is with me. And now you will be, too.”

~~~

For @aviatordame

[inkribbon796]

What a Beautiful Wedding Ch. 4: The Shake Up

Summary: The group continues to try and free their friends.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

As the shock wave rippled out, all the bubbles felt it. But only a couple were jolted from their haze. Dark in his bubble was mentally ripped out of the sitcom haze he was trapped in. Dream in his bubble froze and was almost tagged in the back with an arrow  as he came to. Ranboo let out a warbled hiss. Thomas stopped mid-conversation with Logan and Nico. And both Karl and Nate collapsed and held their heads right before the group showed up in their bubble.

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CHANNEL 12

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Ranboo hissed and made little vwoop sounds as he felt like someone was trying to drive a spike through his head.

“Bossman?” Tubbo looked over from where he and Tommy were trying to build “the worst scarecrow ever” and Michael looked at him in concerned confusion. Ghost looked over from where he was with Tommy and Tubbo.

“I . . . we need . . . where’s Techno?” Ranboo looked around in distress. He’d been at a wedding and Techno had come to his rescue.

“Who’s Techno?” Tubbo asked in confusion before he blinked and looked around in disorientation. “Techno? Why . . .”

Tommy blinked, the haze lifting as he looked around. “The [BLEEP][1] are we?”

“Did somethin’ just [BLEEP] censor you?”[2] Tubbo gasped. “No! [BLEEP]! [BLEEP]! Bloody [BLEEP] [BLEEP]!”[3]

“Hah!” Tubbo looked around, trying to find a camera. “Got that one out, you American [BLEEP]![4]”

Shroud and Michael started giggling and Tommy looked down at Shroud in confusion.

“Umm, is that thing mine?” Tommy said as he walked over and Shroud held up his hands. He suddenly started looking more spider-like. He had two extra sets of arms and then he blinked and had eight eyes.

“Awww,” Tommy smiled fondly. “Imma[5] call you: Shroud. Shroud Innit.”

Shroud hung onto Tommy with inhuman strength as Tommy looked around, trying to find an exit but none of the doors actually worked and any “people” besides their little family had mysteriously disappeared. “We need ta[6] get outta[7] here.”

“Now, hold up,” Tubbo’s brain began turning. “Let’s think about this.”

“Think about what?” Tommy scoffed. “This is obviously Dream trying to control us again. You green teletubby [BLEEP][1]!”

“Yeah, but if it’s him, he’s done nothin’[8] ta[6] us,” Tubbo said and pulled a soda out of the mini fridge under the counter. He tapped the can a couple times before opening it. The can sounded like a soda can, the contents even tasted like the real thing. “We have free food, a roof o’er[9] our heads. How’s this any worse than what we had before?”

“Because it’s Dream,” Tommy spat. “Have you forgotten what he did ta[6] us? We need ta[6] escape while we have the chance.”

“We don’t need ta[6] do anything,” Tubbo told him firmly and picked Nichael up.

“It’s Dream!” Tommy yelled.

“Who cares?!” Tubbo shouted at them. “I don’t care if it’s Dream or the [BLEEP][10] space wizards who put us here. We’re safe.”

“Umm, maybe,” Ghostbur started, starting to float a bit and regain his ghostly pallor.

Ranboo was letting out nervous hisses as he approached cautiously. “Hey guys, maybe—”

“Ranboo, let’s go!” Tommy grabbed one of the slender teen’s arms and yanked him over.

“No!” Tubbo grabbed Ranboo’s other arm, yanking him back the other way.

“Guys, stop!” Ranboo yelled out and both the teens dropped his arms. “My head hurts.”

Tubbo inched closer and when Ranboo crouched down the shorter man lightly rested his forehead against Ranboo, their adopted son between them. Ranboo let out a sigh as his headache began to clear.

“Boo?” Tubbo urged gently, almost as quiet as a whisper, waiting until Ranboo opened his eyes to speak again. “Boo, we’re safe here.”

“Come on, Ranboo, we gotta[11] get out ‘a[12] here,” Tommy urged but when he went to grab him again the lanky teen uncoiled himself and stood up.

“I can’t leave Tubbo,” Ranboo decided.

Tubbo let out a hitched sigh of relief and Tommy had a look of betrayal on his face.

A look that quickly turned into anger.

“Fine! I’ll figure out what’s goin’[13] on here without yeh[14]!” Tommy spat and pulled away with Shroud.

“Tommy, wait,” Ghostbur called out as he followed them.

Tommy reared back to slam his body weight against the front door of the Bee ‘n Boo, prepared to destroy it, but right as his shoulder came into contact he felt something open and he and Shroud and Ghostbur were pulled somewhere else.

The door, closing behind them.

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CHANNEL 6

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Tommy fell sideways into a bank of son, his and Shroud’s clothing turning from casual late summer wear into heavy fur-lined jackets and overcoats. The clothing was reminiscent of something from the early 1700’s.

Tommy quickly realized it was freezing cold.

Shroud began crying in fear and shock.

“Hey, buddy,” Tommy brought Shroud to his chest, wrapping his coat around him. So that Shroud was double layered.

“He okay?” Ghostbur asked in concern as he floated over.

“Yeah,” Tommy glared around, finding that Tubbo and Ranboo were nowhere to be seen. “He’s fine.”

The two looked over to see a well-worn trail cutting towards a town. They followed it to find a city that was nearly completely empty and as they walked in further they could hear a commotion in the distance.

The noise led them to a massive throng of people around an altar of black stone, raised high above the throng. Tommy shoved his way closer, which got him a fair bit of dirty looks as he got as close to the front as the crowd let him. When he couldn’t get any closer but was close enough to see figures behind a dark, almost sheer curtain he turned to look at the people next to him.

“What’s goin’[13] on?” Tommy demanded.

“The Emperor’s prince is about to be born,” one woman said in excitement. “Her lady will grace us with her presence.”

“Sara Jane’s baby, given to the Goddess for this most joyous occasion,” another woman looked like she was about to start chanting and singing and Tommy did not want to be here for it.

But then one of the figures behind the curtain got closer and the crowd began to get excited.

Tommy began to recognize the silhouette, or more importantly the dark wings behind the figure right before Philza emerged from the curtain.

“Hello everybody!” Phil called out as he parted the curtains. Instead of his green ensemble he was in frosty blues and perfectly whole and healthy wings fluttered out behind him. They twitched and gestured as Phil moved.

Techno was right behind him, but he looked more human and his mask was a large bone white boar skull. He was in a matching blue uniform and his red cape was much shorter.

The crowd went insane, cheering and calling out for Phil.

Philza motioned for the crowd to calm down and once it was quiet enough he used a horn to amplify his voice. “I would like ta thank everyone fer comin’ ta this most joyous occasion and fer the Borris family fer their most gracious gift. But my Lady an’ I would like yeh all to meet the newest member ‘a the royal family.”[16]

The talking began to surge back up before Phil took a knee, as a dark shadow of a woman expanded behind the curtains. She was huge and her face was further veiled by darkness.

“Mum?” Tommy froze in recognition. Ghostbur’s eyes wide and sad beside him.

The crowd rushed to kneel, even Ghostbur who seemed to be trying to follow the social cues around him.

But Tommy didn’t, he and Techno were the only people in attendance that didn’t take a knee. Tommy could feel Techno staring at him.

The silhouette erupted into smoke and Phil searched up to reach up to the altar where something had been set down on top of it. It was a squirming baby wrapped up in a yellow blanket.

“I am proud to announce the birth ‘a[12] my son: Imperial Prince Wilbur!” Phil held the bundled up baby boy up where the crowd could see him.

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Channel 2

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“Quiet on set!” Marc called out before a ripple washed over him and he froze looking around.

“Marc?” Ethan looked at him in confusion. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just we’ll run the scene from top,” Marc ordered through gritted teeth, his eyes looking around as he realized that the world around him was not as big as it should be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations:

1. fuck

2. Did something just fucking censor you?

3. No! Shit! Fuck! Bloody fucking bastards!

4. fucks!

5. I’m going to

6. to

7. out of

8. nothing

9. over

10. fucking

11. have to

12. of

13. going

14. you

15. I would like to thank everyone for coming to this most joyous occasion and for the Borris family for their most gracious gift. But my Lady and I would like you all to meet the newest member of the royal family.

[frickfracksnatchisback]

Fixing the Broken Past (AGIT AU-Part 1)

This is a follow up to the You’re Worthless fic I wrote a while back for @shaykai / @hatsparadox ! Keep in mind that as your reading this it’ll jump to two different periods in time. One plot is in the present with the other in the past. Enjoy!

***

It was like any other lazy Sunday. No customers and nothing to do.

Thor was sitting inside his security booth at the front of the scrapyard. He sat in his chair as a nearby radio played peppy music that filled the entire booth. He was tinkering with the various metal pieces laying on his desk. There were all kinds of bit and bobs he had found while looking through the heaps of junk. Copper wires, nuts and bolts, even a few old computer chips that he was lucky enough to find.

It had been harder to get replacement parts these past few days, which he found rather odd. He had been constantly coming up short with the pieces he needed for his projects, but he could always try and make new parts. Although he found it tedious to do so, it was better than having to buy the expensive and unreliable brand of the Mafia’s hardware store. The less money he could give to those cheats the better.

After a few minutes of screwing in bolts he decide to stop fiddling with the pieces on his desk and relax for a little while. He leaned back in his chair, put his feet on the desk, and used his hat the cover his eyes from the sun. On days like these, there really wasn’t anything better to do than just snooze. Sure, people would come in to occasionally get rid of some stuff. Like robots they didn’t want anymore, faulty machines, scrap pieces that no longer worked, that kind of stuff. But today had, for some reason, decided to be extremely slow. He sighed and slowly began to close his eyes. If he had enough spare time on his hands he might as well spend it by getting some well deserved shut-eye.

“Hello? Mr. Thor?”

Or maybe not.

Thor lifted the hat from his eyes. Standing in front of the booth was a pair of happy, blue eyes staring back at him. A pair of blue eyes that belonged to the sweetest, most kindest little girl he had ever met in his life. She had brown hair, an adorable purple outfit, and a top hat that was almost always perched on top of her head. Her name...well, he didn’t really know her name. But most people just called her Hat Kid.

“Oh! Hey there squirt!” he said as he quickly got his feet off the desk and straightened himself up in his chair. “How’s my favorite little customer?” he smiled. She giggled which made him smile even more, seeing her happy always made his day. “Let me guess, your here to see my recent projects huh?” he asked her as he noticed she was carrying around an old, red wagon. She nodded, she was usually a kid of few words but that suited him just fine.

“Wait for me you punk!”

Another girl was running up to the booth with her red cape flapping in the wind. She skidded up to the front of the booth and posed heroically. This girl was the complete opposite of Hat Kid, yet somehow the two were friends. She had a hood instead of a hat, brown eyes, and blonde hair with a matching mustache. Hat Kid called her Mu.

“Ah, I see you brought the little thief with you this time.” Thor chuckled. Mu looked back at him with annoyance.

“Hey! You watch who you’re talking to buster!” she yelled as she pulled several fighting poses. Thor laughed, this kid sure had some spunk! “Besides, it’s not stealing if it’s junk that people don’t want.” the small girl huffed.

“It is when you sneak in at midnight.” Thor said plainly, she simply mumbled in reply. He could still remember the day when he caught her stealing scrap pieces while he was on night guard duty. Not that she wasn’t stealing for a good cause, she hated the Mafia even more than him. Still, she had proved to be quite the troublemaker. That meant he had to keep an extra eye on her. Heh, too bad that Tim wasn’t here to help him with that!

“You two girls caught me at a good time. Well, follow me.” he said as he stood up and went out to lead the girls to his workshop. The two girls followed him, one being more reluctant than the other. As they walked through the entrance he could hear Hat Kid humming a little tune as her wagon rolled along behind her. She seemed excited today, maybe she was hoping to find a new friend. She was always good at making friends.

Especially the robotic kind.

The kid had a huge soft spot for robots. He remembered when he found an abandoned service bot in the scrapyard. It looked like an orange cat in a torn chef’s uniform. She was beaten up pretty badly, not to mention scared out of her wits. She was absolutely terrified of him and ran whenever she saw him, not like he blamed her. It took him forever to coax her out of the hiding spot she made and he only managed to fix a few broken parts. He called up Hat Kid one day and asked if she could help him calm the bot so he could hopefully fix the rest of her.

The moment that Hat Kid set eyes on that bot for the first time the two became practically inseparable. She eventually adopted the bot and brought her home. The bot helped to return the favor by cleaning around the house, cooking meals, tucking her into bed, almost like a nanny. What did the kid name her? “Cookie” or something? Well one thing was sure, she did have a way of quickly befriending robots. Maybe she could give the ones in his workshop a new home.

As they made it to the front of the workshop the two children could see the two large entrance doors bounded by a lock. Thor pulled out his key chain to unlocked it. “I’m afraid we don’t have much. I haven’t been able to find enough pieces to fix all of them but you’re welcome to look around.” he said as he unlocked the door. Hat Kid bounced excitedly, the handle of her wagon making rattling noises as she did so. She then dropped the handle and left the wagon behind her.

“Why do you want a new robot anyways? Don’t you already have one?” her friend piped up.

“So CC has a new friend!” Hat Kid said simply, Mu just shook her head.

“Whatever. Just so long as I get to see some really creepy ones.” Mu said as the two followed Thor inside.

The workshop’s metal wall were rusty and the stench of oil filled the air. Different kinds of robots sat in chairs, on the floor, in corners, even on two nearby workbenches. Their were tools, bolts, and screws scattered all around the floor. The buzzing of electricity could be heard around every corner as some robots were linked up to power generators. Some of the robots twitched but none of them startled as small sparks emitted from them. Not many, but a few robotic limbs laid beside the sleeping robots.

“Watch your step girls.” Thor warned the two as they stepped over a pile of tools sprawled out on the floor. “Sorry about the mess squirt. You know I’m not very organized in my work spaces.” Thor nervously chuckled.

“Are you kidding me? This is so awesome!” Mu yelled out as she grabbed a robot’s head that was laying on a workbench. “Look at this one! Super creepy.” she said as she put it over Hat Kid’s shoulder. She laughed as Hat Kid yelped out in surprise and quickly took the head away from her.

“Are any of them awake?” Hat Kid asked as she put the head back on the workbench.

“No, sorry squirt. They’re all shut down right now.”

“Why?”

“Eh, makes them easier to work on. Its better to try and fix a sleeping robot than have it be awake and squirm around while you’re trying to fix it.” Thor stated as he bent down to pick a robot laying on the floor to set it back against the wall. “Also I don’t know if you’ve noticed but a lot of these robots where throw away by previous owners. That means they don’t take too kindly to humans messing with their insides.” he sighed as he patted it on the shoulder.

“Even one who just want to help?” Mu asked this time.

“Yeah, poor guys just can’t tell friend from foe anymore.”

“They why do you help them if they hate you?”

Thor, still hunched down, turned to look at her. “I don’t think it’s right to just leave them to rust on the streets. Every robot has a purpose, so why waste it by just throwing them away?” He said as he stared deeply into her eyes. “Besides, it’s the only thing that’s kept me going.” He stood up, dusted himself off, and walked over to the back of the workshop.

Mu kept silent as she followed the two in front. She never really understood robots but she knew a thing or two about feeling empathetic towards someone. Maybe that counted for the someones made out of metal too. She guessed that’s why Hat Kid liked robots so much.

“Well, here you go. These fellows are a little more intact so take your pick.” Thor gestured to the robots lined up at the back of the wall. Some were rather short while others were about Thor’s height. And aside from a few scratches and dents in their metal they were in good shape like he said.

“What’s this one supposed to be?” Mu said as she walked up to one and knocked on its head.

“Be careful there kid! These guys are still a little fragile.” Thor walked over to fix its head back to its original position. As he explained the different functions of the robot to Mu, Hat Kid stood there examining the robots.

“Hmm...” she said as put a hand on her chin in thought. All of them looked good, not to mention friend-shaped! But she couldn’t take all of them home with her, the house just wasn’t big enough. How was she supposed to choose? Maybe she could pick the little one? The really big one? Maybe the…

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a huge figure covered in a blue, plastic sheet.

Curious, she walked over to the corner the covered figure was sitting in. It was a small distance away from the other robots and was very tall in size. So tall that it almost reached the ceiling! As she came closer she noticed that the sheet was covered in a thick layer of dust. She ran a finger across to confirm that, yes, it was quite dusty.

“Mr. Thor? What about this one?” Hat Kid hollered in the twos direction. Mu look relieved as she was starting to get bored of Thor’s explanations.

“Huh? Which one?” Thor called back. His eyes grew wide as he noticed what she was standing next to. “Wait! Hold on a minute!” He quickly dashed over to the figure, leaving a confused Mu behind him. When he made it over he frantically looked it up and down, as if checking for something important. “You didn’t turn it on did you?” he asked Hat Kid in a worried tone.

“Um...no?” Hat Kid said, confused.

“Oh thank goodness!” Thor said as he let out a heavy sigh.

“Is there something wrong with that one? Is it broken?” Mu questioned as she walked over to the two.

“Well, uh, yeah he is but-”

“Can I we see him?” Hat kid interrupted him, excited about the mention of “he”.

“No! Absolutely not!” Thor put himself in between the figure and the two girls. Hat Kid and Mu looked back at each other, he was definitely hiding something interesting from them.

“Is it super gross-looking? Let me see!” Mu insisted.

“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea kid.”

The girls looked back at each other again. “Please?” they both said in union, giving Thor the cute-puppy-dog-eyes stare. Thor hesitated for a moment before sighing in defeat.

“All right, all right. Fine. Just don’t tell Tim about this.” He muttered as he grabbed the dusty sheet and pulled it away. A cloud of dust filled the air, making the two girls cough and try to wave the cloud away.

The two girls then gasped as the dust cleared. They saw a very tall and very purple robot. It was oddly noodle-shaped, very thin at the bottom, and missing an arm on one side. What it was supposed to be they couldn’t quite tell, but it looked creepy and awesome at the same time.

“Woah! It looks pretty cool for a piece of junk!” Mu exclaimed.

“Hey! Don’t be rude!” Hat Kid scolded her.

“Ugh, fine.” Mu groaned. “He looks pretty cool for a piece of junk.” she finished.

“Still rude.” Hat Kid fussed again, but Mu wasn’t listening. She was too busy getting closer to the robot to get a better look of it.

“Careful, kid! This guy is dangerous.” He said as he pointed at the remaining arm. Hat Kid could see he was more specifically pointing out that the arm’s hand was clawed and very sharp. Mu noticed this too and simply scoffed.

“Oh yeah? Well so am I!” she said as she whipped her cape behind her and put a hand to her chest. Hat kid and Thor groaned together.

“Seriously kid, he’s very hostile. You’re lucky he’s off right now.” He said bluntly, making Mu’s cheeky grin fade.

“Hostile?” asked Hat Kid, cocking her head to the side. Thor looked back at her guilty.

“Yeah, hostile is putting it lightly.” he said, giving the robot a mean look. “Me and Tim found him locked up in an old shed. We figured he was a good find and he was in pretty good shape when we found him. So we decided to switch him on to try and ask what had happen to the poor guy.” he explained. “Well...let’s just say it didn’t end too great. It’s part of the reason Tim’s taking a break for awhile.” Thor finished as he shuffled uncomfortably. Hat Kid gasped at his words.

“You mean that’s why he’s is in a sling?!” Hat Kid exclaimed, Thor slowly nodded.

“You said that was a working accident!” Mu pointed at him accusingly.

“It was an accident!” Thor was quick to defend himself. “At least...I sure hope it was an accident.” he grumbled as he gave the robot another glare. Hat Kid looked at him and then back at the robot. As she stared at the robot a deep emotion of sadness and pity built up inside of her. She just couldn’t imagine how scary it would be to be locked away in an old shed for such a long time.

“Maybe he was scared.” She said quietly. Thor shook his head.

“I don’t think he was scared, squirt. If he was he had a weird way of showing it.” Thor let out a hefty sigh. “I just a good thing that I had my stun gun on me, otherwise who knows what he would’ve done.” Thor said, cringing at the memory. The robot had gone completely haywire. He could still hear the robot’s mad laughing echo in his mind. He swore that he would kill both of them, and he had almost succeeded. If he hadn’t been prepared at that moment...

He looked back at Hat Kid, hoping she got the message. She was staring at the robot with this strange look on her face. Oh no he thought. He knew this look, it was way too familiar. It was the same look she gave Cookie when they first meet. The kind of look that said “I’m going to take you home and nothing can stop me”.

“Don’t even think about it kid. You’re not taking this guy with you.” he said strictly. Hat Kid looked back at him with a very upset expression.

“What?! Why not?!” she pouted.

“Kid, I’ve already told you ‘why not’. Besides, what if you got hurt?” he scolded, putting his hands on his hips. Mu dashed in front of Hat Kid and use her body as a shield.

“I’d protect her! There’s no way I’d let that tin can even think about hurting my friends!” Mu said angrily and puffed out her chest.

“Tim would strangle me just because I let you see him. Imagine what he would do if he found out I let you two kids keep a murderous robot?” Thor argued. “Why don’t you just pick one of the other bots over there?” he pointed back to the line of robots. Hat Kid eyes welled up with tears and Mu face was filled with disappointment.

“Please?” Hat Kid whimpered. Thor gulped, he felt the pressure building on. He always had a weakness when it came to children.

“Okay, fine. You can take him with you.” Thor said, defeated. The two girls perked up and cheered. “But on one condition.” he added, making the girls groan. “If he tries to harm you in any way, you immediately bring him back to my workshop. Is that understood little miss?” Thor pointed at Hat Kid. She quickly nodded in understanding. “Promise?” he demanded.

“Promise!” Hat Kid chirped.

“All right then, he’s all yours.” Thor said reluctantly. The two girls celebrated by holding hands and jumping up and down. Mu then stopped, her smile gone now.

“Hey HK?” she asked Hat Kid using her nickname.

“What?” Hat Kid stopped jumping to listen.

“How are we going to fit this guy in the wagon?”

***

The rain poured heavily outside the manor as Vanessa was being escorted her room. The servant walking up the stairs behind her said nothing as he silently pushed her along. The candlestick she was holding was the only light being shone, making the atmosphere even gloomier. When they reached her bedroom door the servant rushed in front of her to hold the door open for her. She had half a mind to walk away, to leave the servant with an empty room. Instead, she begrudgingly entered the room step by step.

The moment she was fully inside she heard the closing of the door and the clicking noise that followed after, signaling that she had been locked in. The thunder boomed as the lightening helped to illuminate her bedroom, which was now her prison. She walked over to sit in the lonely chair near the vanity and set her candle down. She looked in the mirror, a pitiful face stared back at her. Only one thought ran through her head constantly as the thunder roared outside.

This wasn’t her fault.

She could remember every detail. The hand-holding, the heartbreak, the hatred. She could remember every part of their whole “lovers quarrel”. She had been so angry. It felt like she couldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried, no matter how much he screamed. She just wasn’t able to stop herself. She had felt sad, spiteful even. But also very powerful. She was the one in control. She had to teach him that lesson, no matter what the cost.

But the cost had been all too great.

She could still hear the awful sounds of crashing metal in her memory, as she recalled the exact moment when he hit the floor. It was too late for her to take it all back as his body just laid there, not moving at all. No spasms or twitching of any kind. His body was completely still. A small puddle of oil formed around him, staining the pink carpet. That’s when she started to panic. She laid next to him and shook him violently to see if he could wake up. She could feel a deep pit of dread starting to form inside of herself. What had she done? What if her parents found out?

She couldn’t take that chance. She had to get rid of him before her parents came home. She remembered her dragging the body from out of the room, it’s head clanking down against the wooden steps. It seemed to take forever with the heavy metal scraping against the floor, causing her to put in more effort. She finally dragged it through the back door and pulled it into the garden area. She left the body were it was to go and look inside the garden shed for something useful. Anything that could make the body lighter so it would be easier to dispose of. She quickly found an axe and didn’t hesitate to grab it. It would have to do the job.

She ran back over to the body and looked for a good place to start. She found her target and brought down the axe on his leg, it made a terrible wrenching sound. The strike only made a large cut in the knee so she brought it back down again. It took her many tries before she managed to get the first leg completely off. Sparks were shooting out of wires and oil was spilling everywhere. The bottom of her favorite dress became stained with the dark fluid and little black droplets sprayed onto her face. But she continued, carefully avoiding the sparks so her dress wouldn’t catch fire. She moved over to the other leg and chopped it off just as she did the first. She picked up the legs and was ready to toss them aside so she could work on the rest of the body.

That’s when she was startled by the yelling of her parents.

Apparently, they had arrived home sooner than she expected. It didn’t take them long to find the trail of oil leading from her bedroom to were she was now and they were quick to follow it. Once they found her daughter in an oil stained dress, robot legs in her arms, and an axe on the ground they knew they had caught her red-handed. And what a scolding she received from them! They screamed at her for ruining her dress! For making such a mess in the manor! For being absolutely reckless with something so expensive!

And after hours of yelling about how disappointed they were, they agreed on her punishment. She had been grounded for a month. A whole month. She was told that she would be locked in her room with no toys or entertainment until she had learned her lesson. Because of course, whenever she left them all those other times they wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. But the one time she didn’t want to be seen they just had to destroy her life. On the one day that happened to be special, her birthday. It had all been ruined by her unfaithful liar of a prince and her cruel, uncaring parents.

She came back to the present, it had been a few days since the worst day of her life had happened. That didn’t change the fact that she was still grounded, however. Her eyes were locked on her reflection. A tear slowly rolled down her cheek, it seemed golden in the candle’s light. Why was the world so cruel to her? Why was life so cruel to her?! She had lost everything she ever cared about. Her things, her freedom, even her prince was gone now. It wasn’t her fault, so why was she being treated like this? If her prince hadn’t lied to her she wouldn’t be in this mess. And it wasn’t. Her. Fault.

And yet…

She put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it tightly. She thought about how her prince used to put his hand on her shoulder whenever she was upset. His calm voice and cheery nature made her so happy. He danced with her, brushed her hair, complimented her. He did as he was told, and their life had been wonderful and pleasant. But now her prince was gone forever. He would never put a hand on his princess’ shoulder ever again. She was alone, and there was nobody to talk to but her own reflection.

“He’s never coming back, is he?” she asked the mirror, half sobbing. The rain continued to fall outside and the tears in her eyes did the same. “Oh my prince, my darling prince! If only you didn’t disobey me! Then I wouldn’t have to be alone in this prison!” she said as her voice became more broken. She stopped being able to form words and covered her tear-soaked face in her hands. She was a crying mess as she crashed in a heap on top of the vanity. There was nothing to comfort her now but the sounds of the thunder.

“Now, now my dear. There’s no need to be so upset!”

She slowly looked up from her hands. Through all her crying she thought she heard someone else speaking to her. “Nonsense.” she said in her still distraught voice. “There’s nobody here but me. I’m all alone in this room.” she reasoned to herself.

“Ah, but you’re not alone Vanessa! I’ve been with you this whole time.”

She quickly stood herself up in her chair. It wasn’t just her imagination. She did hear another person speaking to her. She shook in her seat, not even daring to look behind her. She was scared, had a thief broken into her room? Or worse, had a murderer come to kill her or keep her for ransom?

“W-who’s there? Who are you?” she said quietly, she was badly frightened. She didn’t dare to scream now, fearing the cold steel being plunged into her back or the sound of a gunshot being fired into her head. “Please…please don’t hurt me.” she closed her eyes tightly as she begged for mercy.

“You have nothing to be afraid of my love! Besides, we have a lot of catching up to do.”

The stranger chuckled as she heard a creaking noise behind her, like the sound of something being opened. She then heard sounds of movement from behind her, but she kept her eyes closed tight. She was huddled in her seat with no knowledge of who was behind her and what they were going to do to her.

“Vanessa, you can open your eyes now.” the stranger said in a singsong voice. She hesitated greatly, but she didn’t want to anger the person. She managed to take in a deep breath, open her eyes, and turn around in her seat.

The lightening flashed, lighting up the silhouette that was only a few steps behind her. The stranger was revealed as not a dangerous man, but a robot. One she had never seen before in her life. And despite its earlier tone of voice, it didn’t look very friendly.

Its eyes were a sinister red and its smile was wide and full of sharp teeth. Its head was an odd crescent shape and it had one large wheel attached to the bottom. It also had four arms with clawed hands. One pair of hands were helping the robot lean on the desk behind it while the other pair tapped playfully on the desk’s surface. Its metal body was coated in drops of water, which was most likely the rain from outside. It also wore a jacket which was caked in dried mud and damp from the rain.

“Who are you? How do you know my name?” she asked, more confused than scared. The robot stopped tapping and looked back at her with a shocked expression.

“Why, you don’t remember me at all?” it said bringing a hand to it’s chest. “Oh, you wound me so! I am deeply hurt by your words.” the robot put another hand to it’s forehead, acting rather dramatically. “How could you forget a face as handsome as this one?” it asked as brought its fingers to the edges of its smile. She just stared, it didn’t seem like this robot was all right in the head.

“Well, it’s hard for me to remember you if we’ve never met.” she said matter-of-factually. The robot giggled.

“I suppose you’re right my love. I have had a few...upgrades since we last met.” the robot said, gesturing to his entire body. “But it’s still quite a shame. I only wore these dirty old rags so you could recognize me.” it said while tugging the bottom of its jacket. She look at the jacket, and it was practically rags like the robot said. With all holes and tears she could barely tell what was supposedly so familiar about it.

“I don’t see how that’s supposed to remind me of anything. It just looks like you’re wearing an old coat” she stated plainly. “Why don’t you just quit playing this foolish game and just tell me already?” she said, putting her hands to her hips. She was starting to lose her patience with this bucket of bolts. The robot frowned and its eyes flashed and became a deeper red, she shrunk back a little. But then the robot simply smiled back at her, as if the deadly glare before hadn’t even happened.

“Well...if my old clothes aren’t enough to remind you, then maybe this will.” it said as it stopped leaning on the table to come towards her. She backed up a few steps, fearing what the crazy robot was about the to do next. It stopped until it was right in front of her and with one pair of arms it reached for her hands. It grabbed them tightly with its own, she could feel the cold metal which was slick from the rain. She tried to struggle away but another hand reached for her face and forced her to stare into the robot’s glowing red eyes.

“Vanessa.” the robot cooed as it used one last hand to run its fingers through her hair. “Do you remember that promise I made to you?” it said with an eerie tone. A shiver went down her spine, something about the word promise made her feel very strange. What promise? What did it mean? “I said I would always be loyal to you, did I not?” the robot continued, interrupting her thoughts. “I would always care for you, dance with you, be kind to you...” the robot stopped playing with her hair and its words trailed off. It stood still with a sad expression on its face, almost as if it was going to cry. “But was that not enough my dear?” it asked softly. “Was my programming all wrong? Did I not prove that my love for you was indeed true?” it stared back at her, begging for a response. It was then that the realization hit her.

“My prince?” she said shakily as she could feel her eyes widened. No, no it couldn’t be him. It just couldn’t be him! Her parents took the rest of him away after they found her in the garden, never to be seen again. So how, how in the world could he still be here?! And what on earth happened to him?! He was supposed to be gone! He was supposed to be-

“Dead.” she found herself blurting out. The robot, who she now knew was her prince, went from sad to shocked as all of his arms fell to his sides. “You were dead! I saw you, you weren’t moving at all!” she wailed, she could feel every inch of her body shaking. “Am I going mad?! How could you have survived after I-” she stopped in her tracks. She had said too much. He just stood there and stared at her.

And smiled a wide and evil smile.

He had the face of a maniac as she could feel his eyes beginning to burn into her soul. His sharp teeth were gleaming and his head seemed to twitch. She backed up against the wall, hugging herself for protection. “I-I didn’t mean to I swear! I just thought that you were-” she pleaded before he put up a hand signaling her to stop.

“It’s alright my dear. Everything is okay.” he said, trying to soothe her. Its frightening face before had disappeared and was now more calm and collected. “I understand, you must be so confused. But trust me, it will all make sense to you soon.” his smiled had also changed to and it was much friendlier than the last. She wasn’t sure what she should do or say, the robot’s emotions seemed to change quicker than she could keep up with.

“So...you’re not going to hurt me?” she squeaked, still fearful for her life.

“Vanessa! I’m surprised at you! I’m come all this way and you think I would do something so brash?” he said sounding particularly offended before chuckling to himself. “No, no my dear! You’ve got it all wrong! I came here to reunite with you!” he said cheerfully. She perked up a little, hopeful that she would be able to get out of this situation.

“Really? You came back here to be with me again my prince?” she asked timidly.

“Please, call me Moonjumper now.” he said before bowing humbly. “And of course I did my sweet! I couldn’t just leave you here all alone now could I?” he continued before going eerily silent.

“Not to mention...we need to fix a few things about our relationship.”

Vanessa started to ask what he meant before a strange hissing noise startled her. She saw that the hissing noise was emitting from Moonjumper as he slowly opened his mouth. Strange light blue smoke came pouring out of his mouth and flew in her direction. She coughed as she received a face full of the strange smoke. She manage to get a whiff of it, the smell wasn’t noxious at all but it was awfully sweet-smelling.

She started to feel dizzy. Her vision became hazy as the world around her was starting to fade out. The last thing she saw before she passed out was Moonjumper’s smiling face.

“Sweet dreams my love...”

***

Apologies for the wait, I would’ve posted it yesterday but I didn’t have the time. Also this might turn into three parts instead of two but we’ll have to see what happens!

[yourhero404]

My pal, buddy, friend… u know u gotta make a third fantasy!bakugo now don’t ya? Ya can’t leave us hanging like that. Please

A/N: o-oh?? I can’t leave you guys hanging?? it…would be a shame…. if i did…..

BUT I’M NOT!

This chapter (portion? chapter? part?) Is dialogue heavy and mainly serves as a filler chapter to advance the story along so if it’s a little boring, sorry!! i tried to keep it interesting enough until the next part!!! ^^

Part 1 | Part 2

FANTASY!BAKUGO

His body tensed up- from far away, Bakugo would have looked like a statue, but up close anyone would be able to tell he was internally panicking.

“My liege? My liege?! Are you sick? Is something wrong? Why are you not in your royal attire?” 

His eyes locked with (S/o)’s- no, that’s not right. This was some other version of (S/o)… like that weirdo in the cape was some other version of him. His head started to hurt the more he attempted to wrap his mind around the situation. 

“Your ears don’t hold their usual jewels in them-“ 

“STOP PULLING ON MY EARS YOU WEIRDO!” he yelled, both out of annoyance and confusion. He pushed them away from him and stood up, smashing his fist against the window frame. “Now I lost them! That wannabe has (S/o), and it’s your fault!”

“My liege, I’m right here-“ 

“NOT YOU!” his head dropped into his hands for a moment as he attempted to catch his breath. Being angry wasn’t going to help him find his version of (S/o). They were smart, it was one of his favourite parts about them, surely this version of them had to be as well, right?

“(S/o), right? What are you, some kind of knight in your world?”

“Yes, I’m your knight! The one and only in fact, seeing as you prefer to fight battles yourself. But… you should already know that,” their head tilted in slight confusion. He watched the gears behind their eyes start to turn as they processed all parts of their situation and surroundings- he couldn’t help but smirk, of course every version (S/o) was bound to be as sharp as the original.

“Oh,” they gasped, quickly drawing their sword and placing it against his neck. The moment was so swift he didn’t see it coming, let alone the murderous look in their eyes. “Imposter.”

He was wrong.

“Woah hey, what the hell do you think you’re doing!” he growled- any movement he made caused them to press the cool metal closer to his skin. “I thought you figured it out you damn nerd! I’m not an imposter! You’re just looking for the other freak!”

“How is it even possible that you look so similar to the king-“ they let out another loud gasp, “WARLOCK!”

“He said pretty much the same thing and now I’m starting to think the both of you are just a pair of dumbasses,” he sighed. He had enough of this sword at his throat- with a quick twist of their wrist, he caused them to cry out in pain and drop the sword, which he promptly picked up and pointed it at them. “Listen here you aluminium covered freak-“

“Aluminium!” they cried, absolutely disgusted.

“I’m not your king- that dude has my…” he glanced to the sea of his classmates looking at the scene with wide eyes before scoffing and continuing, “He has one of the extras around here, and you’re going to help me get them back.”

“I would rather die by my own blade than disgrace my lord by helping participate in witchcraft!” 

“Fine by me,” he lifted the sword is if to swing it. They doubled back in fear as they scrunched their eyes close and threw up their hands.

“I SURRENDER!” 

“Tch, and you’re supposed to be a knight?,” he muttered, lowering the sword. “Alright, let’s start off with some questions. Lie to me and it’s not gonna be pretty,” he threatened, blasting off a few explosions in his free hand to prove his point. Once they nodded, he leaned back against the wall and started his rapid fire. “Where are you from? How did you get here? What’s your role anyway? Why is that guy stealing (S/o)? Where is he going?”

“The Dragon Kingdom! It was a flash of light then a blur, really… Must be some sort of witchcraft, ask your friends, I’m sure your coven of witches and warlocks know. I’m the one and only knight to the Dragon King- alongside his dragon, I am his protector and his trusted right hand! ‘That guy’ must be my king and I would enjoy it if you stop trying to accuse him of stealing me when I’m not being stolen.”

They answered his questions without missing a beat or taking a breath. He was impressed, but nothing they said really made any sense. 

“What the hell is the ‘Dragon Kingdom’?” 

“That’s obviously the kingdom where the dragons reside. And you were trying to tell me I was the one with space between my ears?” they scoffed, “Asking what the Dragon Kingdom was, you must be daft.”

He growled in response. He was tired of this run around- he was getting no answers and who knows where he could have taken (S/o) by now. As the sound of clattering metal hit everyone’s ears, his hands wrapped around the knight’s shoulders- the smile on his face was fatal as the soft warning shots of explosions threatened their safety. He leaned in close, a layer of annoyance painted across his face thicker than usual as his voice simmered down to a venom-laced whisper.

“Here’s the deal. Look around you- you’re in my world now. I run this show, and you’re going to listen to every word I’ve got to say, got it?” The look in their eyes seemed surprised at the new tone, but they didn’t shy away from it- maybe this was how the other him talked to them as well… that was a bit upsetting. “You’ve noticed everything is different, right? So you’ve seen that there’s doubles of everyone you’ve probably ever met in your life, yet you still think you’re in some twisted version of your world? Get it through your thick head- you’re in a different world. The real world- the one where there’s heroes and villains and everything in between not… dragons and knights and whatever the fuck else.”

Their eyebrows drew together with each word, their eyes glazed over in confusion, but their expression overall screamed that they struggled to comprehend what he was explaining to them. They looked around and studied the faces of the onlookers, slowly piecing together the handful of similarities and taking in the vast differences for looking to their feet to focus and process the information. Katsuki figured it was about time they actually think about the situation they were in- this other world (S/o) really did function differently, did that mean his doppelganger did as well? They lifted their head slightly and it caught his attention, their eyes were sharp as they looked up from underneath their drawn eyebrows, questioning and angry wrinkles forming between them.

“Alright…” they said in a hushed, suspicious tone, “So maybe this truly isn’t my world. If that’s the case then this world’s version of me is in more trouble than you think they are.”

“Is that a threat?” he growled.

“No, it’s just fact.” They looked towards the window behind him, squinting as if they were attempting to see in the distance but Katsuki knew well enough it was just their way of focusing their thoughts. “My liege is a lot more… impulsive than the average person, and he isn’t going to hesitate to try and find a way home thinking he’s got me. Judging by the fact that you stood here and spoke with me, someone who had threatened you, rather than immediately jumping into battle and attempting to end my life… I’d have to say you’re the calmer one out of the two of you. The moment he realizes that me isn’t.. well, me- there’s no telling what he’ll do to them-“

They were cut off by a large explosion set off in the distance. The two of them ran to the window, both pairs of eyes fixating on the large puff of smoke that appeared within the woods of one of the training lots around the school. His heart skipped a beat as it started to race uncontrollably- in the worst possible way. Turning to Knight (S/o), he snarled and hissed under his breath.

“If he hurt them, I won’t hesitate to-“

“Shh.” They put a finger to his lips before pointing out of the window, “Dragon. That’s how we’ll get to them.”

“That lunatic already tried to get Kirishima to turn into a dragon- this isn’t your world! He’s not a dragon! Get it through your thick head-“

He instantly shut up and felt chills run through his body as a large eye blocked the view of the window,- his body instinctively jumped back. It focused on Knight (S/o) for a moment before attempting to push it’s snout through the small square to get to them with a soft whine. With a large smirk, they turned towards him as they ran a hand across the red scales, smugly saying one word that caused him to groan all over again-

“Dragon.”

These medieval idiots were going to be the death of him.

[bitsymegan]

Waking in Bannic

I just had too keep going. I just had to trust I’d be okay. So when I fell to the ground, I didn’t really know what to expect, except that I’d be alright. I had to trust that, I had too. The moment I said I would be okay, I fell down and slipped into darkness.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Relax, Ailith.

I opened my eyes slowly, and watched as my faint surroundings formed from the blurry colors into shapes I could somewhat make out. But to see something besides white was pretty great. I gathered that I was just in a small room, but it was strangely tall. It was all the same wood, a light grey I could barely call brown, but it had the feel of an old cabin lived in many years by a close family.

“Ailith,”

“Ailith…”

I groggily turned my head toward the voice, and met the eyes of a large woman. She was all bundled up in layers of clothes and had big curly hair, adding to her already cuddly atmosphere. Her eyebrows were thick and expressive, well, all her features were thick and expressive. I watched her mouth move, but struggled to understand what she was saying, distracted by her strange, square pupils.

“Oh, Good! How are you holding up?” She came closer to my face and raised her thick eyebrows. I couldn’t quite match her excitement in my groggy state.

I was still trying to form the words to ask where I was.

“Um… Im alright.” It was clear I hadn’t used my voice in a while. “Where…where are we?”

“Bannic, just a small village in these mountains.” She grabbed a piece of wet cloth, “I’m Granity, by the way,” Granity gave me a big wide smile. “Okay, so, You’ve been here for two weeks now. You’ve been coming in and out, but you’ve been doing pretty well.” she was talking quickly while she arranged my surroundings, “You got some special forces on your side, little miss. Now, how are you feeling?”

“Um… warmer, still kind of-” She laid the cloth on my head, the heat of it consumed all my immediate thoughts, I couldn’t help but fully experience it before I finished my sentence. “…kind of chilly.”

“Well, you’re really lucky we found you, you were under almost a foot of snow! Lucky your shield was sticking out of the ground, and it glew! What an interesting little enchantment…”

Granity went on about how her brother unburied me and brought me here, she said they went through my things to find out who I was, because they didn’t know if I would wake up, she said she hoped it was alright that she did that, I nodded.

“So, What were you doing out there?”

“Going East,” I mumbled.

“Well, you couldn’t go around the mountains?” She giggled sweetly, drawing a circle with her finger.

I made no effort to tell her why, I honestly didn’t know either. But whatever the voice says, and here I am.

“Well, wherever you’re going, there should be no reason to stay here any longer.”

Yes, time to go. I began to sit up.

“No No! Not just yet.” She gently pushed me back to the bed.

“Wha..Why…?”

“You need something to protect you from these mountains! Did you really think you were going back out in that cold unprepared?”

I slumped into the bed and huffed under my breath. She was right. I needed to recoup.

“I’ll be right back.” She grabbed my hand gently, it was warm, so nice and so warm…

“Stay here!” She stood up, her body rising much higher than I had imagined her height being, and as she began to make her way out. I then understood why her eyes were so strange and square. As she exited the room, I saw her legs were covered in thick fur, bent at a strange angle, and her giant hooves creaking the wood floor beneath her.

I layed, staring blankly at the door she left through, trying to process with my weak and unclear thoughts what I just saw. I matched her bulky stature and strong appearance to a mountain goat, and concluded this was a Satyr village.

I turned my aching body on my back and surprised myself by crying a bit. I had passed out in the perfect place, just where someone would find me, and would bring me to a place where I could be brought back to health.

 Thank you. I whispered to the voice through gracious tears.

You knew I’d be there for you.

I calmed down after a while and dried my wet tears with the edge of the blanket by my face and fell asleep again.

Waking up later, I had felt much better and decided to try walking again. I had to put too much effort into pulling my feet out from under the covers onto the ice-cold stone floor in order to truly realize that I was still absolutely freezing. I reached for the blanket and pulled it off the bed and over my shoulders. Why was I still so cold?!

I noticed my dress was across the room, folded up nicely by my sword and shield and I… was just wearing my underskirts.

I ignored the thought of how that went down and I slipped into my dress quickly as I could. The sooner I got them on the warmer I’d be. I assumed the Granity washed the dress in hot water, it was still warm on my skin. That feeling of violation was instantly forgiven.

Granity walked in, holding a small bag.

“I looked for something warm for you, but I couldn’t find anything that would fit you, but, I do have some coins,” She handed me the bag. “There is enough in here to buy yourself something extra toasty and to buy enough food to get you out of the mountains, if you just keep going straight east, you will be out of here in two or three days, we are pretty close to the edge of this terrain.”

   “Thank you.” I smiled, pulling my thin little coat over myself.

   “The store is two buildings down, go there and straight there.” She bent down to my height. “People don’t take too kindly to Listeners here, so you need to be careful.”

   She put her massive hands gently over my shoulders, but they were more around my entire core, the fact that she could crush me right now reminded me that while I knew to be careful, it was more important than ever that I don’t get on a Satyr’s bad side.

   ¨I will be, thank you for everything, Granity- and thank your brother for me too, I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him.¨

   She smiled and wrapped her arms around me, I was buried in her furry scarf.

   ¨Thank you, Ailith, from both of us.¨ She pulled me away and gave me a long look.

¨You’ve changed everything for me and Valor.¨ She looked down. ¨It’s all for the better, but… it´s dangerous here now. Especially for you.¨

I nodded and made my way out her cozy cottage.

   The second my foot hit the world outside, the cold froze me, the snow blinded me, and the wind nearly knocked me off my feet into the side of the door. I gasped at the shock it all, I heard Granity laugh behind me at my surprise. I would have laughed too but I had to keep walking in this blizzard.

It was an eternity away, and through the fast think snow coming down I saw this entire village was propped up on tall stilts over the snow, I walked, well, sort of ran- straight across the rope bridges and the boardwalks to get to the store. The door slammed behind me from the wind causing me to jump. I shook the snow off like a dog and took in the store. It had the same coziness the other house had, only this one was full of blankets, clothes, capes, and boots. It was quiet, except for two satyr men in the corner talking quite passionately about something.

“Can I help you. Miss?” I turned to another large Satyr man, he had very dramatic horns, his most prominent feature that stood out to me, minus the legs. He wore a gruff face with a big plastered smile hiding behind a thick beard. He was accompanied by a general kind of ticked-off atmosphere.

   “Yes! I’m looking for something warm.”

   ” Hm…” He sized me down. “I think I can do that for you.”

   “Wonderful!”

   “Our capes for the kids are all over here,” He guided me toward a small pile of folded fur. “This is probably the only section of clothes that will fit you,” He did one huff of a chuckle under his breath, “I suggest a thick one, like this one,” He rummaged through the pile and pulled out a cape that was very furry on the shoulders,with a thick warm drape on it and the inside of it was completely lined with fur. I would bake in it. It was perfect.

“I’ll take it! How much?” I pulled out the money Granity gave me.

He looked off to the side, slightly snarling his nose. “It’s… on the house,”  and he dropped it in my arms, the weight coming down from the hight he dropped it nearly buckled my knees.

“Oh no no no!! I,-”

“I… insist, mam, Granity gave that money to you, I can get it back to her for you, just… take the cape, you’ll need it,”

I sighed with a grateful smile. “Thank you so much, sir. I-”

A sudden loud crash came from behind us, a satyr man flew over a display onto another satyr, they were on the floor and were suddenly brawling aggressively with their horns and fists. My mind went to my sword, but then I imagined trying to fight one of these massive creatures with something I only just recently acquired.

I shuffled as quickly as I could away from the sudden mess that erupted, the fighting satyrs, caught up in their fight, had rolled the battle over toward us, the store clerk jumped out of the way, picking me up with him effortlessly, making me feel even more like a flimsy little doll with my limbs flailing.

“Crazy!” The grey saytr said, “You’re not one of us!”

“Who is it to-” The other brown one dodged a punch, “-to decide that??”

“The town leaders ordered the extinction of any form of evil change!” The grey satyr quoted a law.

They both somehow got up off the ground and were now trying to shove each other down again, their hooves smashed the floor, they were so massive, it was like watching two storms battle for the sky, I backed against the wall, tripping on fallen displays as they rolled the battle around the room.

“Any form of evil change!” The brown satyr said, emphasizing the evil. “This ‘insanity’ you-” He threw a punch, it landed successfully on the grey’s jaw, my jaw dropped just thinking about what the power of that single blow would do to my own jaw. “This insanity you call it, it’s good!”

“Your insanity says we leave our ways! That we leave our home in these mountains!”

They had their fists clasped trying to shove the other down now, their impressive hooves slipped, but caught them as they pushed harder on each other. They stared each other down furiously, talking low now. The deep power of their voices created a hollow feeling in my stomach, “What this voice says, is that there id so much more out there than what anything here has to offer us!!” Just the mention of the voice gave that brown satyr strength, and he knocked his opponent to the ground, and the brown Satyr smashed his hoof into the grey chest powerfully, knocking the wind out him.

“Here in these mountains we are happy! We are safe! Does your voice tell you that, Valor??” The grey said when the life returned to his lungs.

“No, it says that we need to enter the world-,” the brown one leaned down with his hoof still pinning other satyr, “…And that we will  only stay here hungry, and we will all one day disappear without a trace to the cold.”

Then the grey satyr rolled over the brown, now pinning the brown one down. The grey got in the Brown’s face. I could barely make out his hissing whisper, “This voice had driven you mad, we can’t have this…” He slowly pulled a long blade out from his cape, it appeared the other didn’t notice.

“He’s got a knife!!” I screamed, “He’s got a-” the store clerk yanked my sword from my sheath and threw it off to the side. Before I could respond he swiped his arm in front of me, holding me against him, and held his hand over my mouth, covering my whole face in a brawny grip, my heart beat from fast to faster, knowing I could break at his will.

“Finish him off, Marku!!” The store clerk said to they grey satyr, “Do it! For the people!” The passion in his voice boomed from his chest, vibrating against my back. I could only struggle and let out opposing muffled, weak screams. The store clerk so quickly sickened me, but his iron grip on my little human body and his clasp on my face would never allow for me to escape.  

The brown satyr grabbed a pan from a knocked over shelf, I thought he would try to bang it against the grey satyr’s head, but it probably wouldn’t have done much, taking into account the satyrs had massive horns over their heads, so the brown satyr shoved the handle through the grey’s mouth and up through his head, and he limped, dead, and slid off the victorious brown satyr. My struggling stopped abruptly, my mind processing what I had just witnessed through the store clerks fingers. The brown satyr got up quickly, and looked at the mess he had made, breathing heavy. He sounded like a horse, his breaths were so powerful. He turned toward the store clerk, who was a completely different man now, The brown satyr gave him a stare that burned with anger. I didn’t quite find relief in his vicious stare, but I hoped for the best assuming he was on my side.

Then the brown satyr ran toward our direction.

The store clerk lost his grip on me in an attempt to jump out of the way from the brown satyr’s beeline, but the satyr was quick and kicked a fallen display over, tripped the both of us, and also knocked over a small hanging display with heavy capes on it, which fell on me and buried me under them, yet another obstacle to get out of here as quick as I could. I popped my head out of the pile to get a view of the situation when I saw the store clerk was in close proximity of the dead grey satyr’s knife, he took the liberty of grabbing it and pointed it at the brown satyr. The store clerk stood up and stared at him, then me, then back at him. I had no idea what he had in mind but I couldn’t get untangled from the heavy capes fast enough. I was almost out when the clerk swiftly yanked the capes off of me and grabbed me by my wrist. His angry grip caused me to whimper. The clerk was sweating and shaking, but his grip did not loosen.

“Valor, you know who this is?” He had wild eyes and pointed the knife accusatory at me.

The brown satyr, Valor, nodded slowly. He acknowledged that the clerk was on top right now, standing cautiously, thinking the situation though.

“I think she wants you to let her go,” Valor lifted his chin in my direction as I desperately attempting to yank my hand away.

The store clerk looked me and pulled me against him and held the blade to my neck, it shook in his fear. My stomach dropped to a new level of fear.

“She’s the listener,” I heard the clerk swallow nervously, ”She’s the reason all this is happening, and ever since you read her cursed journal you’ve been acting like a madman! Now, I don’t wanna…” He hovered the knife shakingly across my neck to signify cutting my throat, I pulled my head back as far away it as I could, I was breathing heavier than he was now, shoving myself away from the knife with all the little strength I had compared to these large creatures. His voice was still shaky, but his anger was alarmingly quick to replace his fear. “…But if I have too, to make you stop acting like…like a lunatic! …I will, I swear I WILL!” His voice turned from a low mutter to a harsh yell so suddenly I started tearing up.

“Stop!” Valor demanded, “Just let her go… It’s not her fault she came around here.”

“Oh, really? I’ve heard of these listeners before, Valor, they have plenty reason to pop up ‘randomly’ and spread their idea through a town! And the weak minded people like you, they are the ones that fall for it! And then you know what listeners do? They claim the ‘voice’ told them to go kill that whole village or destroy that entire town! They are bad news, Valor, and the second I heard one was town I knew it would bring trouble.” The rage the clerk had for me caused him to hold me so tight he nearly crushed me, and I could sense the cold metal near my neck with a little too much detail, everything in my being begging to escape this horrible mess.

“She’s never killed anyone before,” he looked at me, asking, “…right?”

I shook my head violently No.

“Of course she would lie to you! She wants you to believe her!! To help her go kill all the other people who aren’t listeners!” The clerk nicked my neck a little on accident, and I startled myself with my sharp yelp..

This might be it.

I…I never thought that before. This is how all those other listeners go, people kill them because they are scared, because we are telling them to do things differently, we are telling them they are wrong. They think we kill, they think we all hate them… all the people not like us. I never felt like the dark listeners would lead to my demise, but here I am, Valor and I here are just like any other Listener, but because the dark listeners killed, we are the lunatic monsters to him. The thoughts hollowed me out more than I ever thought was possible.

“Valor, I’m gonna kill her, and you are next, I…we, satyrs, all of us!!!…are going to get rid of every last bit of your insanity!!” He yelled it like an angry wolf barks, the sound so loud it was like static in my ears, hurting my head.

I was screaming now, pulling away and struggling for my life, I couldn’t see through my tears, The clerk went on and on about Listeners… but my screams… My screams weren’t mine. They were more desperate than I ever heard from me.

And then… The clerk stopped. The sudden ending of the cayos cleared my mind. The blade fell. I stood… alive. I was breathing, breathing heavy, but the clerk, he slumped down to the ground beside me. He was… not breathing at all.

My sword was through his neck.

Valor stared down at the dead satyr.

----------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Valor pulled the thick coat that he took from the store over my shoulders.

“Dear, I’m so sorry, I thought Huog was safe, I wouldn’t have sent you there if I had known…”

We were at Granity’s house again. It turned out she was Valor’s sister, she was also a new listener.

I couldn’t say anything. I just ran my finger across the fresh scar on my neck. We had cleaned my sword and gotten out of the building, doing our best to take care of the bodies… but Valor had explained that the Satyr people would know it was because of Listeners this happened. And they would be looking for us soon. It wasn’t over.

“It’s going to be really hard getting out of this place. There are walls built all the way around the town, there are just two ways out of this place, and they know we are trying to get out of town, so they will be waiting for us.”

“Then let’s get going,”

“Good Idea.”

“I’m Ailith.” I said, realizing I hadn’t officially introduced myself to him.

“I know, everyone was talking about you.”

[actuallyvady]

So I am working on a thing

... well. I’m planning a thing. A thing I have wanted to plan for a very long time. 

I’m a nerd. I’m sure you all knew that. Specifically, I am a Tolkien nerd-- even more specifically, The Silmarillion. It’s my favorite. I like it more than Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit, though I usually don’t recommend people read it like I do with my other favorite books. Anyway, my favorite character in all of it is Fëanor. 

Fëanor, for those who are not familiar, is the best and brightest of all the elves. His name means “spirit of fire” and he burned so brightly that his mother, exhausted from his birth, literally died-- the first elf ever to do so, lol. Fëanor was the prettiest and smartest and most skilled Mary Sue of an elf every to live. He invented all the things. He invented the art of gem crafting. Not the making of jewelry, actually creating gems. Some of his greatest hits include the palantiri-- remember that scary orb thing Saruman was using to talk to Sauron? The one Pippin accidentally looked into? That’s a palantir. Also, you know that pretty script that’s on the ring? He invented that writing system. What he is most known for, though, is creating these magical gems called Silmarils... and, after they are stolen, fucking up everything for everyone for an entire age. I’m not even kidding, he and his sons start killing other elves and all kinds of other horrible shit, it’s great. Fëanor is my original problematic fave. 

Anyway, since I first started cosplaying, my elf-obsessed ass has wanted to be Fëanor. The fact that I have never done a Lord of the Rings cosplay has a lot to do with the fact that the one I wanted to do would be difficult and obscure. I’ve been afraid to even think about it, until recently-- designing things for myself has always terrified me, and as there is no Silmarillion movie, there isn’t exactly a canon design for the bastard (figure of speech, his parents were happily married. then his dad re-married and that’s like, half of Fëanor’s problem for a long time) 

...anyway I’m actually going to do the thing. I’m going to cosplay the Actual Worst, Fëanor. 

As I said, designing things is hard, so at first I went and looked at fanart and other people’s cosplays. There are some really gorgeous things out there-- seriously, go look at all the pretty art, it’s great. But I noticed pretty fast that everyone dressed him in black and red. Which. Don’t get me wrong, the colors suit him-- that whole “spirit of fire” thing he has going on, coupled with him being the actual worst, it makes a lot of sense. 

Only...

Tolkien designed a sigil for him. Actually Tolkien designed a bunch of sigils for people and families, most of whom don’t appear in the properties that have become movies. But! The important one is Fëanor. It looks like this:

It is very similar to his father’s, really-- Finwë’s sign is more plain, in blue and yellow, and looks like the sun. Fëanor has the colors and general shape of his father, with two elements added: flames and colors. His half-brother, Fingolfin, has the flames and the blue, so the fire is not entirely Fëanor-- though that whole “spirit of fire” thing is, again, appropriate. Fëanor’s flames, unlike his brother’s, are almost rainbows. They’ve got the blue flame thing happening, burning hotter, I suppose? And the symbols at the center seem to represent his gem-crafting; it may very well be that the center itself is supposed to be a silmaril. So, what makes this Fëanor’s sign, different from everyone else in his family? Color. Because he is the prince of sparkly things. 

So I didn’t want to put him in None More Goth colors. He’s a god damned peacock. 

That much of the design I’ve been certain of for years: I didn’t want edgelord Fëanor, I wanted Prince Mary Sue Fëanor. Which meant blue and gold and fire and rainbows and above all, sparkles. So many sparkles. 

Recently I began thinking about it again, and truly, I went back and forth on whether to put him in black... or white. Either would be great for making him prismatic. Rainbows and sparkly things pop pretty well on black, even though I was really entertained by turning the common idea of his design on its head by putting him in white. I did know that there would be nothing in between-- either black or white, no greys and definitely no colors other than adornment. But it wasn’t until a friend got me thinking about symmetry-- or the lack of it-- that things started to click. 

Elves are symmetrical. It’s part of why we think they’re beautiful. They have these gentle, sweeping, organic lines, curves, flowing robes and many layers, but they are always symmetrical. (Haldir and the guards in Lothlorien do have an asymmetrical curve to their tunics, but it is a soft, subtle thing; the overall effect is still largely symmetrical.) Elrond? Galadriel? Thranduil? Pick a level of drama, doesn’t matter-- you’ll still find symmetrical design. 

Fëanor, though. Yes, he is beautiful, but again and again he is noted as different. He’s better, stronger, brighter. He burns. And, well, he’s not exactly the most stable of people. I read some meta a while back about Loki’s costume design being symmetrical in the first movie and asymmetrical afterwards, and how that obviously reflected his chaotic nature. Say what you will about that, it got me thinking about Fëanor. He is not exactly a paragon of stability; perhaps a lack of symmetry was called for. 

Now, technically Fëanor has two signs-- the brightly colored sigil above, and this: 

... I’m not actually sure what the Star of Fëanor is, but it appears on the door to Moria, of all places. Anyway, this is much easier to incorporate into costumes and doesn’t clash with the usual aesthetic, so it gets incorporated into costumes of Fëanor and his family fairly regularly. I hadn’t planned to use it much-- I am much more fond of the sigil I spoke of before-- but as I thought about symmetry I had the thought of creating a design around the Star of Fëanor as a shooting star, off-centered, with a trail of... something behind it. 

Which of course doesn’t work on white, but I had already thought about doing a more casual ensemble, probably with other things layered over top of it, so I came up with this:

The trail from the star is chiffon, and the colors follow the colors in the flames of his sigil. It’s asymmetrical-- if you look carefully, I don’t even have the neckline symmetrical-- and filling the black field of the coat with little swarovski stars was a concept that appealed greatly. I could even make them iridescent, if I wanted. 

That left me with the formal version, which I quickly realized was going to be its own thing rather than layered over top of this. I started with two vague ideas and a general purpose: use the sigil, mimic the spiral of the black coat, and make it as Extra™ as possible. In my mind, that last part meant “lots of layers! lots of details!” Only... as I started drawing, I found myself wanted to do something else. Rather than adding layer upon layer, I could remove one, or part of one, not by removing the piece of the ensemble, but by making it transparent. If I was using crystals as a jumping off point, it made sense. 

So, after a bunch of sketching and playing around, I have this:

The lowest layer is simple-- white pants, white shirt, white boots. Which I’ll be making, because of who I am as a person. On top of that I have a fairly traditional elven robe-- similar in design to things that appear in the films-- only it’s made of the most transparent chiffon I can find. It’ll probably have embroidery on the trim, though design is still in question-- I don’t picture Mr. I Make Gems But Never Bothered Learning To Make Boats being all that in tune with the natural world, so the usual vines and things are out. 

On top of that, I have an asymmetrical coat similar to the black, casual coat above. On this one the spiral continues around the back, and it is just gold, rather than the gradient... though this layer may be lined in the gradient. It is on this layer that the sigil appears; it, the details above it, and all the blue on (the outside of) the tunic will be done in colored crystals-- which they make in a curved leaf shape that resembles the flames on the sigil, something I plan to take full advantage of. I decided I needed another detail, when it hit me: dude invented the tengwar, I should put script on it. The fact that I will have black elvish writing on a gold element amuses me, because anyone who has seen anything about the LOTR movies will find it familiar at least. The fact that I am planning on having the script be the Oath of Fëanor is my own personal in joke with myself. 

The cape was a whole other challenge, as it needed to be just right to pull the whole thing together looking elfy enough. I finally settled on this design, having tried a few others-- Elrond wears a cape like this a couple of times. But the cape is probably my favorite part, overall. It is probably velvet. It could be worn with the black, too, giving me several ways to be my trash fave. Anyway. It’s lined with, you guessed it, the gradient of the flames, and is white on the black-- including that Star, that will be in clear, maybe iridescent gems. It has more of the transparent-ish organza (no idea how that will move but I love the concept too much to not) in an asymmetrical cut on one corner. The idea here is that from the back he is cloaked entirely in white, but when he turns (dramatically tossing his cape, probably), the colors are revealed-- it is designed for maximum Drama™, just like Fëanor.

Anyway, it’s not happening any time soon as all of this is going to be hideously expensive, but I’m excited that it’s actually a thing. 

[maritimemac-blog]

Leopard in tree Samburu morning before we left for Ol Pajeta conservancy

We left Samburu a bit late due to the leopard that was lounging in the tree with his tail dangling down.  The rangers finally made all the vehicles leave so the big cat could have some peace. It was back on the road for our next destination: Ol Pajeta Conservancy, three-and-a-half hours away.

Outside our tents

Sweetwaters resort. our tent

February 23- 24th,2016

The sky is a hazy blue and the grass more like the colour of straw. As far as the eye can see there is a line on the horizon dividing the two, not a hill in the way to spoil the vista. The morning is cool and I am glad I wore an extra layer.  I dared not drink much water or coffee at breakfast because Eric has warned us there are no toilets in the bush and few safe bushes to hide behind. Pee breaks will be at the back bumper (he promises he wouldn’t look).

“Jambo!” We greet all the guides in the parking lot and make our way over to Eric. Jo is joining Monique and me this morning. Her safari partner Pat, has opted to take a cultural excursion into the village. Eric helps us get up into our jeep.   “What do you want to see today ladies?” he says. It is a rhetorical question, but we play along, asking him to bring us to the ostriches and warthogs first and then we’d like to see the leopards and rhinos.

Eric chuckles at our request then says something along the lines of “Right away!” He puts his foot down on the accelerator and the motor revs to life. We drive for a bit following the established trail, until Eric gets that look we are starting to recognize and pulls the vehicle over to the side and pops up over the windshield with his binoculars. He points forward ” White rhino.”  Far off at the tree line is a mommy rhino with her baby.

White rhino and her baby

“We need a bit of education about this white rhino verses black rhino business Eric.  How can we tell them apart?”  I ask. He uses his hands to give details: the white rhinos have wide, strait mouths and their heads are elongated and dished, he says.  Black rhinos have triangular mouths and rounded heads.

I am still not quite understanding what he means, and he says he will find us some to compare.  Trekking around the large conservation, we have long spans where the animals are far off of the trails and/or not visible, so we do some bird-watching instead and get an avian education.  One strange-looking bird we think Eric is calling a curry bastard, which gives us a good laugh. We get several rollers, which are beautiful pastel coloured birds He rattles off names and we try to keep up. We got the guinea hens down pat. Horn-bills and weavers, bee eater. I photograph every one he points at.

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Within the hour we roll up on a group of rhinos. I am snapping photos of the interaction between a couple of white rhinos with a baby when a robust female black rhino joins them.  The two species were cordial, they don’t normally interact. I had an aha moment watching them; they seemed like a group of ladies meeting at a playground, one proudly showing the other her child, the other asking questions about motherhood. I am starting to see the difference in their build. I understand now they are a difference species so inter-breeding them gives a hybrid, which does nothing to improve the number of either species.

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  The radio crackles to life and Eric speaks into the mic in Swahili, then the jeep skids to a stop. He grabs his binoculars and perches above the windshield, squinting and straining to see the land in front of us.  Within moments we are off, shifting gears and racing toward another jeep in the distance. I am standing on the seat watching the scenery fly by, enjoying the breeze.

We pull up behind the other jeep and the engine sputters and falls silent.  We wait.

“What are we looking for, Eric?”

Murmurs from the other vehicles hint there is a lion. I fret, “I don’t see anything.” Another caravan pulls up behind us. Still nothing.  The seasoned photographers are all focused on the same spot so I mimic them. I do not want to miss seeing a lion, not trusting my own eyes after the trouble I had spotting the leopard on the rocks in Samburu.

Without warning a massive male lion slips from the grass and saunters right in front of me. There was no missing him.  I am trembling so bad, I can’t find him in my view finder. I put the camera down and just watch him walk towards us.  I finally steady my hands and get him framed in some shots.

My heart is thumping, I’m sure a heart attack is imminent.  He walks the road for a bit, then as easily as he visited us, he departs to the cover of the bushes.  Still breathing  and ecstatic with joy, Monique, Jo and I land some high-fives  for our first up-close encounter with a male lion. While I was prattling on to the others about how he looked right at me, one of my fellow tour group members was photographing me in full animation.

The lion just appeared, the first one I have ever seen, and he was so close and magnificent.

This was my face after seeing the lion. Me on the left Monique facing away and Jo on right

We are wowed by the lion  but the sun is at its zenith in the sky and the light is bad. Time to head back to the lodge for lunch.

Whatever has been prepared has the aroma of Indian and African seasonings. I ladle some soups into a bowl and search for a roll.  There are lentils, curries, sweet potatoes, salads, fruits, breads and desert. The buffet is a safari itself. ( I’m vegan, I don’t care about the meats and cheeses.) The early afternoon is time to catch up — charging cameras, doing laundry, bits of reading, writing, and napping. It is too cool to go to the pool here.

When 3 PM rolls back around we are ready at the jeep. We travel in wide circle around the water hole and let the animals come to us. Zebras cape buffalo, lots of rhinos. A jackal dashes across the field keeping an eye out for some dinner.

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Eric zooms us about the fields for miles.  We stop at the equator sign for photos and get our first experience of being out of the jeep and walking the land. We have been told, “When you are in the jeep you are a predator to the animals, out of the jeep you are prey.”

Equator

Then off to see a cemetery.  The names of the deceased are not guides, rangers, benefactors or staff that love the reserve. They are dedications to the rhinos that have been poached since 2004, right here where they lived and were protected. Brazen killers pick them off and carve off their horns.  It angered me deeply and it is a graveyard I wish did not exist.

Cemetery of Rhinos pouched on the reserve

We come back to lodge with stories to tell that make for a lively conversation over  dinner.  Many people never see all of the Big Five, and we have been lucky enough to see them two days in a row.

When darkness falls, Ken holds a clinic on night-time photography for those with cameras capable of taking low-light images.  We share wine and watch the animals congregate at the watering hole visible from the our accommodation

Morning February 24th.

There is a side excursion to the Black Rhino sanctuary and the Jane Goodall chimpanzee research center.

A time stamp on my photos say it’s 10:40 AM when we meet Baraka. He is an old gentlemen and we are invited to his pad, where we take turns stroking his horn and feeding him alfalfa. In return he nuzzles our hands with his leathery triangle lips and shows arousal for being petted. We joke with the caretakers that we have teased him — they should bring the fillies over, he is ready to breed.

Baraka was born at Ol Pajeta and became blind in one eye after a fight. He developed a cataracts in his other eye that made it necessary to remove it too. He has his own enclosure and is well cared for. His job as an ambassador is important work and he does it well. Visiting him was the highlight of my day. His presence will never leave my heart.

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After lunch we break away from the other jeeps and set out four-wheeling  on an overgrown path into the bush. The truck gets jammed up on a high stump for a moment but after some rocking back and forth we break free and find another way around. Rounding a tree we come upon a male elephant blocking the path.  I ask Monique to take a photo of me with him in the background. I am smiling for the shot and I see Monique’s expression change and she gasps, then the transmission whines as we reverse hard and I am plastered up against the railing.  I turn to see the elephant hustling towards us, closing the gap quickly. He trumpets his threat then stops his pursuit.  Guess we were in his space.

Our last surprise is just before sunset. Eric drives us to a place called Lake Laikipia,  The sun is starting to set and the baboons are heading up the tree to roost for the night.

  With four down and one to go we need a leopard to complete the Big Five and just as we are on our way home, one is resting in a tree.  He was well-shielded from view and my photos showed nothing but a leg and a tail hidden among the tree but it counted and we make the count for a third day.

Departure to Lake Nakuru.

At breakfast we head the terrible news; a rhino was poached overnight. The “Jambo” greetings are heavy with sadness as the porters load our luggage into the vehicles.

On the drive out we see the carcass of the dead rhino. Lions are gorging themselves on its remains.  A large male and his lady are laying in the grass, bellies extended and well fed.  The only part of this rhino that will go to waste is the horn the bastard took. 

Please join me as we head to Lake Nakuru. Happy travels from Maritime Mac

    What Kenya did to me: Ol Pajeta, Part 3 We left Samburu a bit late due to the leopard that was lounging in the tree with his tail dangling down.