#only bc i know he looks better in pastels and soft colours :(((

[kangyeosaang]

eunkwang · dream concert · 230527

[01solarsmiles]

synopsis: you’ve been at jaehyun’s “secret” flat for a while now. you’re not quite sure how long, he says time passes differently here. not that you mind. you’re healing and there’s nothing you have wrong with that. having been away form everything that was bad for you, you’re coming to realise that things really were better with jaehyun. and no matter how many times he tries to tell you, he knows you have to come to that conclusion yourself.

tl;dr: you heal under jaehyun’s caring gaze.

genre: fantasy!au, kind of domestic!au, magic!jaehyun, fluff, smut, fem!reader

warnings: smut in the forms of kissing, titplay, basically motorboats oc, brief nipple play, heavy petting/fondling, grinding (?), oral (male recieving), jaehyun can’t hold his load oops, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it), creampie, brief cumplay lmao jaehyun is the teeniest bit kinky

other: jaehyun is my soft boi, wanna smooch and cuddle in his pastel coloured sweats, i’m british so he lives in a flat, soft smut… almost r*mantic,,, jaehyun is a boob man; do what you will with that B), jaehyun uses pet names bc i think it would be sickly sweet leaving his lips, time is relevant so i can do what i want with this thanks xox

wordcount: 8.5k

a/n: this is a continuation from the last chapter. i split it bc i needed inspo lmao so once again, not happy with how it ended previously so i had to write more. admittedly, it was origianlly one long piece but i realised i wanted to add more depth to when they’re living together (basically) so i split it therefore enabling me to write what i wanted about them being cute and stuff. yeah.

You had been given a wheelchair by the hospital but had refused to use it, wanting to prove that you were okay, to yourself and Jaehyun. He had convinced you to stay in it as you left the hospital to please the staff on your way out but you had point-blank refused when you made it to the small block of flats he said he lived in. After walking two steps from the car you let out a whimper and gave in to his incessant pleas to get you to sit in the wheelchair.

Oddly, there had been no one in the foyer and you hadn’t bumped into anyone in the hallway in front of the lift. He had helped you when you made it into the flat, moving you over to the sofa where you melted into the plush cushions of the seat.

On the way here, the two of you had already argued about where you were going to stay, him insisting on not leaving you alone and you insisting that you’d be okay at a friends place. In the end, he promised to contact your friends and family to tell them you were spending a little time away (you wouldn’t let him tell them you had been to the hospital). After all, he had saved you when you needed it most.

Your cracked lips remained tightly sealed as he folded the wheelchair away and tucked it behind a cupboard where it wasn’t in your direct line of sight.

You decide to look around, wanting to take up some time and to avoid looking him directly in the eye.

The flat was… cosy. It looked lived in, all the trinkets and small collages stuck up on the walls drawing your attention away from the shelves stacked with potted plants. Everything about the room seemed to tie together with another aspect of the flat. You couldn’t help but wonder why he had a place like this.

He notices your inquisitive look, “It’s supposed to be a secret. Though almost everyone important knows this is where they’ll find me if I disappear without an explanation.” Jaehyun moves towards the small kitchenette, fetching a glass of water befoer placing it on a coaster on the glass coffee table by your legs.

You wait for a second, acknolwedging the glass of iced water, then look up, meeting his hesitant gaze, “Everything’s green.”

It wasn’t a deep green either, more like a soft earthy green. Maybe a sage colour, but you were mostly going off of the presence of the plants and the colour of the sofa. Some of the counters in his one-person kitchen were a soft green, accented with wood countertops and a pastel fridge. It was soothing on your eyes, you had to admit.

He nods, unsure what you’re getting at, “Yeah…?”

“The first and second time I met you, you exclusively wore red. And it was glittery,” you point out, one wordlessly eyebrow raised.

He tilts his head, dimples appearing in his cheeks as he stuffs his hands in his jogging bottom pockets, rattling his keys in his pockets, “Just because I wear red doesn’t mean my whole life revolves around that primary colour.”

You roll your eyes and lean back into the sofa cushion, tenderly crossing your arms, “Well, no. I guess not,” you let your headrest on a pillow he slips behind your neck discreetly, “I suppose… I just assumed that you did,” you shrug your shoulders, “wasn’t something I gave much thought to.”

Jaehyun kicks off his trainers and throws his keys into a bowl on the kitchen counter. You could probably stick your arm over the back of the sofa and touch the pillar that separated the two areas if you tried hard enough adn weren’t brusied all over. He’s got a small smile on his face that brings his dimples out as he makes his way over to sit on the sofa with you, letting himself fall haphazardly onto the cushions. “So you thought about me, even a little.”

Ignoring his comment, you take in his flat to its fullest. You weren’t wrong, this man lived in a green, cottagecore aesthetic in his off-time. Admittedly you were a big fan of the wall of shelves stacked with different plants, mostly succulents and cactus -- the odd spine of a book eeking through -- and you even enjoyed the small desk that was home to a few depictions of watercolour flowers. Your eyes fall on the black figure, slinking under the legs of the glass coffee table pitched in front of you, making you flinch as you suppressed your reflex to jump; it was only a cat.

A cat man. Of course, he was.

Jaehyun’s eyes follow yours, “That’s Prim. She likes to keep to herself. Occasionally she curls up with me.”

“You made it sound like you rarely come here.”

“Mhm.”

“You have a cat.”

“I have a cat,” he affirms.

Prim disappears around the pillar into the kitchen. Jaehyun must’ve put down some food for her because you can hear her softly eating followed briefly by the sound of her lapping at a bowl of water.

“And plants.”

“Those too.” He’s not sure where you’re going with this, neither were you, but he was humouring it, seeing it through to the end if he got ot be in your presence longer.

Your eyes go back to wandering around the room, watching how the sun dips in between the curtains and cascades through the room. You had sat in the seat closest to the entrance, meaning Jaehyun’s back was to the window as he faced you while you were talking. He was still dressed in the outfit you assumed he slept in at the hospital. You were dressed in the same clothes you had gone in with, having had to change out of the gown they had provided when you left.

He looked so effortlessly pretty. It made you want to cry.

You suck in a breath and say, “I’m a little tired. Can I sleep… anywhere?”

He nods and jumpts to his feet before helping you to yours. Slowly, you make your way down the hall, almost all of your weight is beared on Jaehyun. He’s practically carrying you but neither of you mention it. It was only a small flat, something you couldn’t wrap your head around when he could probably have anything he liked, and so it only had one bedroom.

Initially, you had put up a fight but he simply said he wasn’t tired and there was a box room he could get a bed into if the sofa wasn’t comfortable enough (it was but you weren’t okay with the fact that he was giving up his bed). You lay on your side, a body pillow supporting your small frame. You were so tense, worried about Soobin and Dan-ah and Mina and your Mum and Dad and Hyejin as she was probably the only friend of yours who regularly checked in. There was so much running through your mind and you almost don’t notice Jaehyun’s soft palm gripping yours, his thumb rubbing over the back of your hand. Unbeknownst to you, he had seen the anxious look on your face and had guessed that you were psychoanalysing everything in your head, cogs turning. He wanted to subtly draw you out from your thoughts... so he let a little of his power surge through his fingertips and into your palm, hoping it was enough to make you woozy.

Without much thought to it, you rested your head on his pillow and fell asleep.

Jaehyun stays, for a minute or two, holding your hand until your grip weakens, your breathing becomes heavier and your chest goes into a steady rise and fall. He watches, as you lay, unbothered by the world outside. You looked at peace. At home.

Was this the first time you had been able to wind down like this?

He sighs, wriggling his hand from under yours and gets up to leave before he pulls a brown monochrome blanket over your frame. A slight frown etches itself on your forehead as your fingers twitch, looking for the hand Jaehyun had slipped away, before you subconsciously grip the blanket and curl into it instead, the frown erasing itself from your face, leaving you looking at peace once again.

You wake up to the sun going down outside, a blanket covering your body and pillows squished underneath to support your body.

You’re tender. That’s safe to say.

The room was airy; Jaehyun had left the window on the latch and the door cracked open so as to not make it stuffy. Glancing around, you notice the simplicity of it. Bed, side table, lamp and wardrobe. It differed massively from the rest of his flat. Maybe he hadn’t gotten around to decorating substantially in here.

You get up, perching yourself on the edge of the bed before making your way out of the room. Shuffling along, you cling to the wall as you know full well you shouldn’t be venturing around by yourself and make your way to the living room, “Jaehyun?” you call. The calling stops when you spot Jaehyun with an open book lying in his lap while he snores lightly, passed out on the sofa. The corners of your mouth twitch, curling into a smile at the sight of him so peaceful.

You hold out your arm, inspecting the bandage on it. You sigh, “I need a shower.”

You turn back, headed towards what you assumed was the bathroom. The door creaks open; thankfully, you were correct. There are fresh towels hanging on the rack and a laundry basket sits tucked into the corner. Stripping from your clothes gingerly, you turn on the shower. While it warms up you unwrap your bandages and softly poke the back of your head. You’re probably not supposed to submerge it yet so you work with what you can. The shower itself was a standalone that had frosted glass wrapped around it, hiding what was on the inside if anyone were to look in.

The whole ordeal was a show in itself, you carefully moving things about, trying not to knock anything all while trying to do your best with what you’ve got. It wasn’t the best situation in the world but it was the best out of the hand you were dealt. Having not been back to your flat to get anything, you didn’t have any of your usual hair products so you used the products that were already there and a lemon body wash that had been sitting patiently.

Eventually, you finish up with half-washed hair and a mostly clean body. Your fingers had pruned long ago and you took that as a sign to get out of the shower to stop using all the hot water.

You stepped out, and grabbed the towel off of the rack, wrapping yourself in them. They were so soft against your skin. Holding it tightly against your skin you move to stand in the middle of the bathroom. It wasn’t big but it had an oval mirror hanging above the sink. Staring at your reflection for a little, you internally pick apart everything you don’t like.

Staring with the obvious bruises. “I’ll heal,” you tell your reflection, “I won’t degrade myself like that again.” Your fingers brush against your towel-covered ribs, making you flinch. “He won’t do this to me again; I won’t let him,” you pause before whispering, “I’m not going back to him.”

By now, your eyes are watering a little so you sniffle and wipe the forming tears away before they’re given the chance to fall. You deserve better. You know this. “I deserve better. I am worth better.”

In the middle of this, Prim slinks through the crack of the door, making you jump a little. With your hand on your heart, you take deep breaths, watching as she jumps onto the closed toilet seat and sits down on a pile of clothes. A pile of clothes you don’t remember putting there. Your eyes widen at the thought of Jaehyun seeing you naked but then you whip your head to the shower walls, reminding yourself that they’re frosted and he would’ve only been able to see an outline at the most.

Prim purrs, drawing your attention back to her.

She blinks at you. She’s so calm. You reach the backside of your hand out so she can sniff it. After a quick sniff, she turns her head and rubs it into the palm of your hand. You gratefully accept her and let her continue to rub herself on you as you alternate between scratching the underside of her chin and the back of her head. She purrs in content and you let out a quiet giggle.

Jaehyun had been awake for the past ten minutes or so. He’d dug through his drawers, pulling out an old pair of jogging bottoms that he’d bulked out of but never gotten around to throwing out, a pair of clean underwear and a jumper that was currently his size but probably oversized on you. He’d slipped them onto the toilet seat (thank god it was so close to the door) without peeping past the sink and must’ve forgotten to pull the door up all the way on his way out.

He listens to Prim purring and you giggling softly from the safety of his sofa in the living room, a smile making its way onto his face. He had flicked on the table lamp on the end table by the sofa, continuing to read his book – A natural history of Dragons. Not as accurate as he remembers but a little light reading never did anyone any harm.

When you stepped out of the bathroom, you looked fresh. Swamped in his jumper and bare feet padding across the panelled flooring. He looks up from his book, noticing you gradually making your way over to him, he jumps up, trying to help you. You looked cute with your sweater paw leaned up against the wall.

He tucks a hand under your armpit for leverage, you turn, a little surprised and open your mouth to say something but can’t bring yourself to when you realise how close your faces are. Jaehyun either doesn’t notice or pretends to not know, making you feel more embarrassed than you thought possible. His musk engulfs you, overriding your senses and you hesitate in your step.

“Oh,” you say, face hot to which you can only pray he doesn’t sense how he caught you off-guard, “you don’t have to–”

“It’s okay,” he whispers softly, hands pulling you into him so he can use his body strength to help too. You feel goosebumps from his caring touch and you wonder about the last time someone treated you like this.

Since when did he become so domestic?

You brush it off and he helps lower you down to the sofa and Prim follows suit, helping herself to your lap as she curls into a ball, letting you run your fingers down her back in a soothing motion.

You could feel the heat rising up your neck at how close the two of you had been, your mind running to months before when you had been close to him. Before, you had been embarrassed about yourself as he was helping you out of the hospital but he had reassured you that you had nothing to worry about – the gentleman that he was – he didn’t want you to feel ashamed. So, you let yourself relax on his plush sofa cushions while he went about making something to eat for the both of you with a grin on his face, knowing all too well what he had inflicted upon you moments ago.

That’s how the next month or so went by. You pushed yourself to your limits, all of your minor injuries healed (somehow), and followed Jaehyun around while Prim followed you. As promised, Jaehyun brought home a bed for the box room to which you insisted on sleeping in since you were the one who was the guest but he had none of it. In the end, he dressed the room up nicely and it ended up looking like it had been there all along.

At first, Jaehyun hadn’t let you do any of the things you offered to do, especially the cooking. He had a large repertoire of recipes up his sleeve and wasn’t letting you do anything to strain yourself.

Your phone had briefly glitched the first time you turned it on, which was odd on a good day.

“Time passes differently here,” he had explained, “Einstein was right about that one; time is relevant. He almost caught us out one time with his research into it but Yuta turned him around and set him back on track again.”

To which he then had to explain to you who Yuta was. He sounded nice, harmless but what got you was the fact that there were more people like Jaehyun. You had yet to meet more than the man who stood in front of you as he explained that to you.

Weeks into your stay, he took you round to your place, helped you pick up your things and also helped you leave a thick layer of red glitter all over your now ex-boyfriend’s penthouse. He deserved it. According to Jaehyun, your ex was in the process of moving out, as per Jaehyun’s convincing argumentative skills.

You rang some of your family and friends, asking after them and telling them you were okay after it was established between you that you and Soobin were no longer together but the most heartbreaking one was between you and your niece. She had been there, she knew now, even if you didn’t want her too, she knew. You could only pray that it slowly faded from her memory, for her sake more than yours, as she grew older.

According to Hyejin (when she rambled to you on the phone as she bawled, bless her), Soobin had been given the sack and lost most of what he owned. He’d also been sporting a black eye for two weeks after you got out of the hospital. She had been the first person you rang but the small detail had slipped your mind until later that night. You tried not to outright weep tears of joy, knowing that he’d had even the tiniest bit of his own medicine fed back to him, followed suit by you quizzing Jaehyun to which he hid his knuckles behind his back as he walked in with a tray of sushi that had been delivered tonight as a treat before your anime marathon.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I haven’t seen him,” he throws his keys into the bowl on the kitchen counter after toeing off his shoes in the entrance of his flat.

Having had time to heal, you pull yourself to tuck your legs underneath you as you look over the back of the sofa. “Jaehyun,” you warn. Prim materialises from the depths of Jaehyun’s bedsheets, where you had left her earlier, to greet her beloved owner. She purrs against his leg and he leans down to scratch behind her ear.

“Y/n,” he says back, trying his best to match your tone.

Your eyes follow Prim, closely watching as she jumps onto the kitchen counter and paws at the key-bowl. Tucking your bottom lip between your teeth you nibble until you can form a sentence that wouldn’t betray you when it left the corners of your mind.

Thinking about it, you decide against arguing with him on it. If he was lying it wasn’t something that was going to stop you from hanging around him, so why push it? Because you wanted to know why. “You were out a while after you texted me you’d finished food shopping the other day, where’d you go?”

Jaehyun glances at you, his hair stood slightly on end as if he’d been running his hand through it, possibly one too many times. It was shorter than when you had first come into his care – you’d helped him one day to trim it. You’d also insisted that he let you do it because you used to cut your hair in the bathroom mirror. ‘Not the same,’ he had said but he had handed you the scissors all the same. He was still dressing for comfort, something that you appreciated when the evening came and the tv turned on. It was a small flat which meant a small-ish sofa. He wasn’t against wrapping an arm around you and the two of you had been known to fall asleep to a movie or two in recent weeks.

“Went to work, briefly. Gotta make sure everything’s on schedule; they’d practically die without me to ditto everything they’re already sure of,” he flashes you a grin that his dimples can’t escape, “it’s nice to be home.”

You murmur a response.

Scattering away, Jaehyun has a shower after being out and gets dressed quickly to return to you. He walks over to the kitchen, deciding to grab some things for the evening.

His back is turned to you now, he’s grabbing a couple of drinks from the fridge, the glow of the light illuminating his face.

“I missed you.”

You… what?

The pounding of your heart against your ribcage was deafening. Had you just said that out loud? He turns to meet your frantic gaze, waiting for your response. He can barely breathe out the response, “I missed you too.”

He grins, sinking himself into the space next to you and slings his arm over the back, his hand resting close to your neck. “Awh, did you really?”

Your body practically recoils, turning back on itself, “No. I just wanted you to bring ice cream; I’ve been craving it all week.”

Instantly you regret your choice as he frowns slightly and turns away.

You’re forced to think about the countless nights you’d spent curled up in his bed, some of them the result of you weeping into one of his many pastel sweatshirts you adorned about your failed relationship with Soobin, others about how you had neglected to tell your family and friends about the situation you had been in for almost a year by the time Jaehyun had pulled you away from it. Most nights, Jaehyun heard you, upset and alone in the dark. In the beginning, he wasn’t sure what to do about it, part of him knowing that he should leave you to heal but the other part of him screaming that he shouldn’t let you suffer alone – shouldn’t let you think you’re in this alone when you’re most certainly not where he’s concerned.

The first time he had left you, not sure he had heard correct when he came back from work, groggy from the use of his powers and feeling like he needed to faceplant his pillow from the exhaustion. You had stopped, little sniffles being masked by the vibrations of Prim’s purring against your body where she had hopped up on the bed to comfort you, when you thought Jaehyun was listening, hoping that he would leave you to hurt for a short while longer.

He had sensed your hesitation and made his way to the shower, deciding he needed to be fresh for the next morning.

He was oddly caring. Not that it was odd for someone to care but it was odd for someone to care this much and for the person to be Jaehyun was the cherry on top.

Turning back to face you, he grins, “Wanna watch that anime you were telling me about? I googled it last night and read some forums; apparently it’s good.”

Your eyes light up, “Sword Art Online? Yes please.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, chuckling to himself at how eager you are. He loved when you showed interest in things like this. His auburn hair falls into his eyes as he skims through whatever application he had pulled up (Netflix; no chill) while you weren’t looking and he breathes softly through his nose, concentrating on the screen in front of him.

Once again, you were studying him. It had been a long time since you had arrived. Time is relevant, true, but how much time is too much time?

The sun had set an hour or so ago now and you had already eaten some of the takeaway earlier as neither of you had been interested in cooking. You wondered if he knew how the table lamp accentuated his face, the soft hue acting like his usual haze when he was in his suit – which you learned was the reason he practical glowed as he had since told you there was magic twined into the thread it was sewed together with – and made him look angelic. You wondered if he knew the camel sweats he was wearing made you want to cuddle him and nuzzle your nose into his side, somewhere that you felt more than safe to be. You wondered if he knew how much you liked it here and how you were apprehensive about going back to the real world full time.

You’d been out, of course, he couldn’t confine you to his flat even if he wanted to but he always made sure that there were the correct precautions in place. He was always here, anyway, choosing you over everything else so there was rarely a time where you could go out without him. Smiling to yourself, you remind yourself that you don’t think you’d want to go by yourself when there’s a perfectly good Jaehyun waiting for you.

His hair fell in soft waves on his forehead, and his brow furrowed as he tried to figure out why he couldn’t find Sword Art Online for you two to watch. The two of you had fallen into a routine, he pats his leg, signalling for you to lay your head down on his lap as he pulls a pillow from behind him for you to rest your head on.

Shifting your body, careful of your ribs still, you lay down and wrap a hand under his leg for leverage, being sure to keep it closer to the back of his knee than his thigh as it was easier to curl your hand. He didn’t mind because when you sat and watched horror movies you would squeeze his leg in anticipation for a jump scare of sorts. He thought it was cute.

Eventually, he finds it, “Here we go,” he mumbles, clicking on the first episode. You settle in, pushing your face further into the cushion as Jaehyun lets his hand rest on your shoulder, somewhere safe for him to touch. His other hand plays with your hair absentmindedly as the episode begins, showing the people who had been waiting for the game to come out so that they could play it.

It remains like this, you making comments here and there, ooh’s and ah’s coming form both of you as you talk about the episode before it rolls over to the next one. At one point, he says something that makes you sit up completely, throwing him off as your warmth leaves his body.

“Did you just suggest that Kirito could be –”

His eyes widen, “I merely suggested that he –”

You scowl, pout and cross your arms, your cardigan falling off your shoulder at an angle, “No! You said what you said. It’s out there now, in the cosmos, for all to judge. You can’t take it back.”

He’s looking at you, first with shock but then with an expectant look. All you were doing was arguing over anime. You’re not sure you remember seeing him like this, eyes filled with something you cannot describe. Is this what being loved feels like? The flying thought catches you off guard and you hold your breath. He wonders if you know that’s how he’s feeling, how he’s seeing you. The rose-tinted filter settled in and he was determined to keep it that way for a long time.

Jaehyun had got dressed after his shower into a sweatshirt and sweatpants, and joined you on the sofa while you were watching the back end of a drama you had been meaning to watch for months before you had switched over to anime. It was your thing; watching anime together.

His hand reaches to rest on the side of your face, thumb brushing your cheek and fingers splaying down to reach your neck and brings his face closer to yours, making your breath hitch. The last time you had been like this neither of you were thinking in coherent thoughts. At this point, you’d spent months with him, hiding from your family and friends – only partially as you had wanted to gain your confidence back again and go back with a real job.

His hair was still drying on the ends where he hadn’t bothered to towel dry it. It brushed against your forehead as he brought his forehead to rest on yours, savouring the moment.

Breathily, you manage to say his name.

He hums in response, eyes trained diligently on your lips, waiting for your response. He doesn’t notice how you watch him watching you, he’s enamoured. He loved when you looked like this. So carefree. So pure. So… pretty.

“Kiss me.”

He doesn’t wait any longer.

Lips centimetres form yours, he gives you the opportunity to change your mind but you bring your lips to his, not wanting to drag this out any longer. His fingers stay on your face while your hands have yet to find somewhere to be placed – something that Jaehyun notices – so he picks up your hand and curls it around the back of his neck before wrapping his own around the small of your back, a smirk finding its home on his face.

Feeling more confident, you bring your free hand to splay across his cheek, thumb mindlessly rubbing the dip where his dimple becomes prominent. His hair stands on end on the back of his neck, the sensation of your fingers brushing his face so calmly as he pulls your lower lip between his having caused goosebumps to form down his arms.

Secretly, he was glad he was wearing his sweatshirt so that you couldn’t see how sensitive he was to you.

Jaehyun leans gradually away and you chase his lips, not wanting to forget the feeling any time soon. All of the time you had spent with Soobin and yet none of the moments you had shared felt like this. It made your heart pound and the butterflies were making their way up, tickling your diaphragm as you struggle to breathe.

“Y/n,” he begins, lids heavy and forehead pressed to yours. He’s not really sure what he wants to say… how does one express the euphoria they feel from finally doing the right thing and knowing it’s the right thing? Because that’s how Jaehyun felt. You knew he wanted to say something so you lightly prompt him.

“Jae… what are you thinking?”

His lids close and he bumps his nose with yours, lips parted, “I want to kiss you like that more often.”

You giggle, which throws him off, “Do you?” He looks up to meet your wandering gaze through his lashes, “because I want to kiss you like that more often, too.”

He grins, tightening his grip around your waist, pulling you in until you’re straddling his lap. “Oh yeah? How about I do just that, then.” His lips return to yours. You noticed that Jaehyun’s lips tasted of cherry chapstick, and you loved that, deciding to part the seal of his mouth with your tongue to devour the taste further.

The subtle curve of his lips was something you didn’t want to forget – that was for sure. You work on memorising this feature and lightly tug at the tufts of hair at the back of his head, making him moan into your mouth ever so slightly.

“That was adorable,” you mumble against his lips, lowering yourself so your bum is resting on the heels of your feet either side of his thighs.

His face flushes but he pretends to not notice and instead lets his hands roam until they’re palming the globes of your ass.

This shocks you into action a little, the squeezing fingers forcing you to lift and lean on your knees, breasts pushed up against his chin as you continue to kiss him.

As you slipped your tongue to mingle with his, you decided then and there that you were absolutely in love with kissing him. Possibly smitten, just a tiny bit.

You had worn a tank top and a light cardigan for comfort around the flat, not wanting to pull jeans on and a blouse every morning and instead opting for leggings and light-tees regularly. You weren’t sure what kind of man Jaehyun was, an ass or boob man but something igniting inside you and hardening in his sweatpants told you that you were going to find out pretty damn soon.

Pulling away you offer a small smile at him, he grins, like he knows he’s about to get a present he’s been waiting for ages for. Ironic, considering his job profession.

You bite your lip and let your hands fall down to his arms, running your palms up and down his biceps. By now the episode had rolled over and was about 10 minutes into the next but you and Jaehyun were far too distracted, you figured it would have to wait. It would still be there tomorrow when you could rewatch it and continue your marathon.

His own hands rest below the curve or your breasts, thumbing at the swell.

You dip your head, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth before letting your tongue peak out and swirl its way down to his neck. Peppering kisses against his tan skin you pick a spot where he makes the most fuss when you reach it and bruise it with your lips. He groans at the feeling of your lips tainting his skin so skillfully and thinks about how you went to waste on someone like your ex before him. His breathing grows heavy and his fingers run up and down your back in a soothing manner, toying with the hem of your tank top every time his fingers brush the bottom.

“Oh my God,” he breathes out when you’re finished.

You giggle, “What?”

You had slipped your cardigan off, letting it fall in a heap on the floor and hooked your fingers under your shirt before throwing it across the room.

Gazing up at you, you can practically see the hearts spinning around his head. You knew that if this was a Looney Toon cartoon, his eyes would’ve been pounding hearts right about now.

“You’re so beautiful,” he sighs as you press a closed mouth kiss to his jaw, “…pretty girl.”

You were left in a dark pair of leggings and your t-shirt bra. It wasn’t anything fancy (you were here for comfort, for god’s sake) but Jaehyun looked at you like you had put all the stars in the sky yourself, something you were unfamiliar with. Pride swells in your chest and lust swells in your core.

“Are you going to keep staring or are you going to do something?” You tease. He merely smirks, enjoying what he hasn’t even done yet, and buries his head between your breasts.

You let out a small “Oof” noise and steady yourself on his shoulders. Leaning on your feet normally would’ve been enough but when he stuck his head between your boobs it had knocked you slightly off balance. Your fingers dig into his shoulder blades, pressing crescetn moons into his skin, but Jaehyun takes no notice as he noses his way to a fleshy spot and attaches his lips.

“Smell so good,” he’s referring to the perfume you had brought with you when you cleaned out your apartment. “Wanna taste,” he mumbles into your boobs. Your panties dampen at the confession, not knowing completely how to respond without crying out a moan.

Unshockingly so, this was one of the few tinmes you had felt like the only girl in the world, not to quote Rihanna, but it was truly a moment you had no desire to forget any time soon.

Instinctively, your hands retire to the back of his head, pulling him closer whilst he goes to town on a hickey he’s suckling into your skin.

Pulling back, he grins, “Perfect.” He’s admiring his handiwork but it still sends the stupid butterflies contained in your abdomemn stir crazy when his gaze meets yours, filled with lust, love, adoration – whatever you want to call it, his eyes contained it. Lids low and mind focused, his hand snakes behind your body to unhook your bra but you stop him.

In fear of pushing you too far he drops his hand and waits, eyes wide for what had stopped you.

“I-I haven’t – no – I don’t…” you struggle to find the correct words in front of Jaehyun, the cool breeze making you shiver in the slightest.

“What is it, angel?” He brings his hands to your waist, rubbing slow circles to calm you.

“Soobin,” you exhale. It was all Jaehyun needed to know so he took a deep breath.

He’s watching you as he says, “I don’t care. That was then… this is now.”

You nod. His features twist into a smile, images of that night coming back to him, “Plus I already fucked you against the –”

Your hand finds itself pressed across his mouth in the blink of an eye, praying he doesn’t finish that sentence, “I know,” you squeak before emphasising, “I was there.”

He tilts his head and offers a mischievous glint, “I thought you didn’t think I was real, simply a figment of your imagination, if I do remember correctly.”

Groaning, you roll your eyes, “Stop with that! You showed up, dressed in red and in the middle of the night after I’d written a letter that only I could know the contents of. Who’s to say you weren’t an incubus, huh?”

A single eyebrow is raised on his part.

“And you were gone before I woke up,” you mumble against his neck, now enticed by his scent again, “I never told anyone because it sounds wild, right? You have to admit that part at the very least.”

That made him take a second to process, “I never thought of it like that,” he mumbles, pressing feather-light kisses up your arm.

“It was something I thought about for a while,” you meekly replied to his unasked question.

“Well,” he begins, “you don’t have to worry any longer,” and presses his lips to your clavicle, fingers unclasping your bra behind you, this time you let him, sighing into his golden touch, boobs pressed against his chest. He groans at the feeling or your unclothed, hardened nipples cutting in on his pecs. You sling your bra across the room, not giving much thought or care towards where it ended up as there were more pressing matters you cared about.

Your neck is tipped back as his tongue dips to the valley of your breasts, he places an endearing kiss to your sternum and sets his sights onto your nipples.

Hand resting on the nape of his neck, you arch into the feeling of his wet mouth latching onto your nipple, peak caught between his tongue and teeth as he teases you, and tug on his hair.

He savours this, moaning before switching to your other nipple, not wanting to leave one without the same amount of attention. At this point, your panties are embarrassingly soaked from all of the stimulation.

“You’re so good to me,” you whine, not talking about just this very moment. You’re reminiscing about the past couple of months you’ve spent in his care too and something tells you that he knows that too.

He releases your nipple from his lips and glances up at you, “Is that so, angel?”

“Mhm,” you mumble, not sure what he wants you to say or what you should say to keep the mood going, “all the time. Miss you so much because of it,” you pout slightly, not wanting to draw too much from the conversation in case things went sideways.

You bring your hands to his cheeks, resting either side and pinch lightly, toying with him. “Keep me happy,” you state before leaning down to kiss him again. His eyes flutter close and you trail your hands down his abdomen, pressing harder with your nails as you slide them down to the hem of his jumper.

“Off,” you mutter against his lips. He gladly complies, you were topless and it was only fair he comes level with your nakedness. When you part momentarily to lift it over his head, your hungry eyes zone in on how constricted his hardened dick was within the confines of his sweatpants.

Jaehyun notices this, ruffled hair askew and mind now clear from the fog you had bestowed upon him when you had kissed him. He knew what he wanted, did you want it too?

Without hesitation, you palm the outline of his dick over the sweatpants, wanting to see his reaction. You were best pleased when he fights the urge to roll his eyes but bites his lip to stop himself from thrusting into your silky touch. Not that he’d felt that today, just yet.

You stifle a giggle, “Eager, pretty boy.”

One kiss is placed to his lips before you slip off of his lap, knees thudding as they land on the floor. You hook your index fingers around the waistband of his sweats and underpants, the tell-tale Tommy band staring back at you, knowing he would comply but you only pull them down just enough to free his weeping cock.

It springs up, slapping against his abdomen, veins prominent from the grining you had been doing earlier. Your mouth waters at the sight and you lick your lips, praying that it lives up to your expectations.

You give him a few slow strokes of your nails up him and one of his hands reaching up to push a few stray strands of hair form your face.

He groans when you finally wrap your slender fingers around his shaft, thumb wiping the leaking tip of his swollen mushroom head. It throbbed a pretty shade of pink, much like his lips, after you pressed a delicate kiss to the top.

“So, so good to me, angel,” are the words that leave his lips when you lick your own before dipping your head to lick up the underside. You offered a devilish smile and lowered your hot mouth onto his throbbing length slowly, wanting to savour every second and push Jaehyun to his limit.

You hum in agreeance to his statement, sending a shiver up his spine and eliciting a moan from him, his hands quickly tangling themselves in your loose hair as he makes a make-shift ponytail to keep your hair out of your face.

Once your jaw has adjusted to the burn of his girth, he helps you bob your head up and down, curling the ponytail around one hand and using that as leverage. Flattening your tongue, you press it to the underneath of his length. You experiment with seeing how much you can take as it’s been a long time since you’ve been intimate with someone like this. One of your manicured hands reaches down to tickle his balls – a trick Hyejin had taught you the last time you were having one of those conversations – and he all but thrusts up into your throat, making you clench your legs and rub them together for some friction as your eyes close tight, forcing tears to run down your face.

“Oh fuck, I don’t think I can ah-” he lifts you off of his dick and brings your mouth to his, pressing hard against your own.

You’re flushed from his abrupt actions but that doesn’t stop you from stripping yourself of your leggings when he practically begs you to. Unsure what he wants next, you fiddle until he instructs you, “Those too,” he gestures to your panties. They weren’t grand but, had you not been about to get it on with possibly the hottest and most caring man you’ve come across, you would’ve been embarrassed about him seeing them in any normal situation.

Once they’re discarded, he stands, shimmys out of his sweats and pants and brings you close to him and guides a leg to wrap around his waist, rock hard dick pressed between your two sweaty bodies.

He kisses you hard, a clash on tongue and teeth; it’s one of the messiest kisses you had ever been on the receiving end of but ultimately still one of the best you’ve been able to experience, and lowers the two of you onto the sofa.

Again, you’re perched on your heels. He breaks the kiss, looking between your bodies to align himself with your entrance. “I’m sorry, angel,” he mutters against the column of your throat.

“Wha-”

He waits no longer before slipping himself into your core impossibly easily, as he sets a killer pace.

Squealing, you let your head fall onto his shoulder as you try your best to thrust down as much as he thrusts up into you but it was proving difficult as he suckled sweetly on the juncture where your neck and shoulder met – sending your senses into overdrive.

“S-so tight,” he breathes out, trickles of sweat forming in his hairline. One of the few brain cells you have working tells you the clench on his next thrust, only making him moan louder than before. In response, he ups the pace, setting his sights on destroying your sweet pussy.

Knowing full-well that he hadn’t tasted your arousal like he had originally intended, he brings his finger to dance across your clit, stimulating the bundle of nerves until you were whining, hips stuttering as your vision hazes, unsure of how to control yourself. Still unable to match his deadly pace, you settle on tensing your legs and hovering above him where he pounds upwards, the sound of skin hitting skin echoing around the room.

You knew that by the time he was going to be finished, your ass was going to be tainted red from where his balls were slapping your underside as he pounds into you.

“Jaehyun,” you barely manage to breathe out, “fu… fuck.” Not what you were going for so you give it another try, “Jae… kiss.”

His eyes linger on your disheveled features. You open your eyes and look down at him, worried that he hadn’t heard you. His eyes meet yours; you pout, “Kiss me, p-ah–” one particularly strong thrust ignites inside you, the tell-tale sign of your orgasm about to snap through you; halts your half-hearted attempt at riding him.

He captures your lips with his, nibbling on your lip before licking it as if to heal it. His fingers are still rubbing tiny circles in your clit that send you over the edge and into complete euphoria, spine arching.

Within milliseconds, your vision is blurring and eyes unfocus, switching for white dots across your line of sight to pair with the white hot pleasure ripping through your core. “Ah,” you whine, “oh... Jae-Jaehyun,” your voice breaks, not being able to comprehend the possibility of more thanone thing happening at once.

As you clamp down on him unintentionally, he groans, unable to hold back any longer and empties his load inside your trembling pussy, cursing as he does.

Moments pass before he can bring himself to say anything, “You’re so perfect, angel. So pretty and perfect.”

You lift your head to look at him. At his fucked-out face you melt into him, swety bodies gradually becoming one and sliding off of his softening cock so you can wrap your arms around his neck and nuzzle closer to him. He brings his arms around your waist, pressing his face into the crook of your neck and breathing sharply through his nose.

“You’re so good to me. Can’t remember the last time someone fucked me that good,” you whisper against the shell of his ear. You have one hand raking your fingers through his hair. You breathe out a laugh as he shivers at the feeling.

Knowing that was probably an ego boost enough, you press a languid kiss to the side of his mouth, not really paying much attention to where your lips landed. Continuing to pepper him with kisses, he stirs slightly, not wanting all of this attention to go to waste.

“Hey, c’mere,” he says, holding you from your waist before slowly lowering you onto the sofa beside him so your back is flat.

You’re barely holding it together, Jaehyun’s cum trickling down the side of your leg from your sore hole. He pushes your legs apart, one falls haphazardly off of the sofa and the other is pressed between his side and the back of the sofa. He doesn’t care, though, bringing two fingers up to meet your quivering core.

“What are you doi – ah!”

A lazy grin spreads across Jaehyun’s face, his fingers now covered in yours and his essence as he stuffs it back into you. The overstimulation makes you quiver but he was determined about making you suffer. “So pretty with my cum stuffed inside you, angel, so pretty.”

By now, you’re convinced he’s drunk but you don’t put it past yourself to consider yourself just as drunk on him as he is on you. You squirm, not wanting him to continue as his fingers repeat their actions. “O-oh, too much,” you whimper, “sore, so fucking sore baby.”

You knew you probably could’ve handled a little more but he obliges, not wanting to scare you away (as if that was even possible) and finishes by pushing his fingers past your lips, coaxing you to lick them clean.

Gladly, you do as he was silently suggesting.

He groans, his dick twitching but he ignores it, knowing you’re still healing and by the state of you currently, you probably weren’t up for another round. Instead, he picks you up bridal style and takes you to the bathroom, feet wobbling a few times on the way before getting to the bathroom.

“Gotta clean up, angel.”

You mumble, putting your legs to use and absently moving to switch the shower head on, soaking both of you in the stall. The water is freezing but you make no complaints, wanting to settle the heat radiating from your body. Jaehyun says nothing too. He just helps you clean yourself as you’re making a half-hearted effort – this makes him chuckle.

Twenty minutes later, the both of you are laying on his bed (the one he gave up for you), snuggled into each other.

For the first time in a long time, you slept in the crook on an arm where you felt safe, possibly loved (that would have to be addressed another time).

While you lay, breathing slowly as you listen to his heartbeat, Jaehyun has his head propped up with one arm and his other arm rests on your side, t-shirt that he had lent you riding up on the side, fingers running up and down as he takes in the feel of your smooth skin under his fingertips.

Jaehyun was smitten.

a/n: hi hello. how, uh, how was it? feel free to leave me some feedback or pop in my ask box. you’re all my angels. i just like posting to post sometimes but interaction is p darn cool too. lyl <3

i follow from @00solarsmiles​

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net: @neowritingsnet

[annarendellsa]

my heathers headcanons

it's the way i see them and draw them, you don't have to agree! this is based on both the musical and the movie

CW: mention of suic*de and e*ting disorders (bulimia) as well as various mental illnesses

Heather Duke

• heather duke is aromantic and yes its because she wears green, have you seen her socks in the off broadway musical? /hj

• more seriously, she IS aromantic but it took some time for her to figure out. she is allo but she doesn't label her sexuality, and she was always confused and frustrated to experience sexual attraction but never romantic attraction; she had a hard time accepting this part of herself.

• post heathers: maybe she discovers about non binary identities and asks her girlfriends to test out they/them pronouns on her? idk? aro-agender duke?

• she also struggles with empathy as she is naturally apathic

• and she's putting this image of a cold mean girl because she believes she can only be that given she's aro and ND

• post musical: she had no idea mcnamara actually tried to commit suic*de and when veronica tells her she breaks down in tears and spend a few days writing an apology letter to mcnamara

• post musical: mcnamara helps her to develop her compassion, knowing it's not her fault she's incapable of empathy. she didn't have to forgive her, but they did, and it really motivates duke to become a better person and be as nice as her

• post musical: she sees a doctor! she eventually recovers from her bulimia. veronica and mac are 100% supportive of her recovery, and very proud

• she gets bigger as part of her recovery and learns to embrace it

• duke is very pale with really dark and thick hair and eyebrows, soft features and quite a lot of body hair

• you know the bootleg where duke has blonde hair? when she's on the tv she speaks german and i vibe with german duke now

• duke Cannot say fuck and if someone is prude/innocent/idk it's her. the why are you pulling my dick was just to fluster veronica i think

Heather McNamara

• they use she/they pronouns!! just because. she still identifies as a girl though

• mac is autistic of course, it's like semi canon in the musical

• since she's very tall (movie) she stims while standing like being on the tip of her toes or rocking back and forth and the others can be quite annoyed because she moves a lot but they never snap at her

• post musical: veronica finds her stimming endearing and they know it's safe to stim around her, especially since veronica stims herself

• post musical: mac hums as a stim too and you can often find macnamawyer snuggling on the floor while humming in harmonies together

• she used to mask a LOT and it played a big part in her depression. she knows they had to stop themselves from stimming when she was a heather, she had been the weird kid in middle school but now that chandler took her under her wing, she has to pretend to be NT in order to stay in the lifeboat (😭)

• she's a lesbian!! of course she is

• she knows it since she is in middle school and has been """gal pals"""" with chandler since them but she still struggles with it she has comphet yk, but still less than chandler

• chanamara definitely practiced kissing together "to be ready when we'll have to kiss boys" 👀👀👀

• chandler always had a soft spot for mac and tried to hide it by being cruel to duke

• post musical: it took mac some time to understand that duke had nothing against her personally. she was chill with them until chandler died. from that moment she had to prove herself as the new queen bee and mac was a collateral victim

• duke definetely gave her trauma though and mac is in the process of trusting her again

• mac themselves is not a cinnamon roll just yet and she still has to make up for what they've done to others

• mcnamara has nicknames like mcNcheese or macaroni (veronica came up with those)

• they're also a vegetarian and she loves yellow food

• like she ever only eats yellow food actually (autistic thing). that girl is deficient! part of why she looks that fragile and thin

• also i see mcnamara as mixed race with golden/light brown skin and they have this type of curly curly hair but she straightens it all the time so it's only just wavy (once again, to blend in with the heathers)

• her natural hair colour is actually a dark strawberry blonde? her dad is irish and he's a redhead that's why (stole this from @cam-eats-candles hehe) but she dyes it so it's lighter

• post musical: she starts wearing her natural hair!! and goes with her mom to the afro hairdresser to start to get her curls done right (cornrows mac!!)

• their parents divorced (movie) and it's for the best. mac has daddy issues and only goes to her dad to get cute jewellery for their girlfriends 💖 (he doesn't just sell engagement rings. a lot of regular expensive rings, really)

• she's not a baby, she's not weak nor completely innocent and pure!! the girl is a head cheerleader, she's strong and flexible as hell.

Heather Chandler

• heather chandler is Also a lesbian BUT she is on the ace spectrum like demisexual? so yeah she's double disgusted when she "sleeps" with men

• as a queen bee she's also convinced that the only way to exist is through male validation :(

• chandler is taller than duke and veronica but shorter than mac

• chandler's skin is like rosy and it freckles very easily. i see her with the same cloudylike hair she has in the movie, dark blonde, with the red scrunchie only holding back some of her hair

• she is Buff and is genuinely into sports (lesbian jock like regina george)

• she has a sharp hourglass shape her shoulders are broad and her legs long and strong. she could lift veronica against a wall easily. and she did

Veronica Sawyer

• ADHD!! she's been diagnosed for a while but only became medicated post musical

• bisexual!! so bisexual!! without a preference. she's always been open and proud about it and her parents are supportive

• for me veronica is brown, with thick and dark hair and dark brown eyes, midsize, average height

Martha Dunnstock

• that's canon i know, but she's fat, and not the socially acceptable-hourglass kind of fat. big arms! big tummy! double chin! (i see fanart of her just being chubby quite often and it's ANNOYING like that's a big part of her character)

• she's perfectly healthy like this as are many fat people :))

• i also like the hc that her attempt at sewer slide made her permanently disabled and that she keeps using a wheelchair! because it happens, it's important to show it, and it gives me a lot of ideas for cute kindergarten girlfriends prompts 💓💓

• of course realistically being fat AND physically disabled in the 80's was and is not an easy thing to go through but it's in my head so

• she's also a tiny bit taller than veronica

• i don't hate the outfit she wears in the off broadway show, but I like her west end outfit better!! it's a lot more 80's inspired and i totally see her in kidcore/clowncore etc, even if pastels are cool too

• in the current west end version, martha is played by a black woman and she looks amazing! however I've been drawing and imagining martha as east/south east asian, for no reason really?? also idk kinda rubs me the wrong way that in the more official versions of heathers it's always duke that is black, or martha? not the others? hmm

• i'm not comfortable with hcs that exclusively babyfy her or patronise her like a bunny rabbit just bc she's a fat outcast who likes unicorns!! she's not just cute and giggly! martha can and does swear and she Fucks, like mcnamara

• big round glasses + big nose + long brown hair

• taking inspiration from the princess bride line but she's a huge movie nerd. yes she loves happy endings but she also loves horror movies, as long as they have a happy ending

• she never gets a makeover omg y'all just hate people with glasses and a childish aesthetic istg

• she takes this aesthetic further though and

• post musical and high school: she doesn't just wear baggy clothes anymore as she only did that to prevent more bullying. she develops an unique style with a lot of pink and glitter and she's awesome

------

ok this is getting long ill probably do more!! tell me what you think <3

[babybearcookie]

i saw @foreversfwregression do this on my timeline, so i put my own spin on how i think the BTS members' pacis would look like, using this picrew paci-maker.

Seokjin:

i had a clear vision in mind when i designed seokjinnie's paci; many many sparkles and so much pink!! as he likes pink, i made most of it pink, with the little gems (i don't exactly know what they are, so i'll just call them gems. the little stones) in pink, white and blue. babyboy because he is the babiest of boys. moon bc he's our moon and the star because he's a little superstar.

Yoongi:

i was a little unsure about yoongi's paci, but i knew i wanted to do something with rainbow bc if his queerness. i picked white for the paci bc google told me that he said he liked white the best in an interview. now, there was a kitty, so of course i picked that, and sleepy kitty is almost self-explanatory. i think he'd like the bell hanging from the paci bc 1) it makes sense with the kitten theme and 2) i think he'd like the sounds it makes when he moves around. i think he likes the idea of it being known when he was in the room just from the sound of the bell on his paci.

Hoseok:

hoseokie is just a happy kid, so of course i had to pick out the paci for it to say 'happy baby'. a star because he is just a little star. the wings because he seems like he'd like that. the paci is green bc he said in an interview that his favourite colour is green. the rainbows are there because he loves colours and just vibrant things.

Namjoon:

i feel like namjoon would like a very simple paci, with not a lot going on. i picked blue for the paci because it reminds me of the sky, and i think it would be the same for him too. i picked, what i think is, a moth because he just loves all nature, the animals are just very dear to him, so i believe he'd think it's cute. and with it, i put 'little bug' because it goes with the paci and he'd giggle when being called little bug. and the leaf is to represent nature and he'd enjoy having a bit of green in it.

Jimin:

Jimin's paci is so much yellow. if there was a duck image to put on it, i would have. he just seems like a tiny little ducky to me, but this time it became a bee. in my imagination, he asked for something yellow from the paci shop but they told him they only had bees in the yellow colour, so he took it, and doubled down on it, having 'baby bee' on it too, with blue wings to match, also with the blue gems. the little bear hanging from the paci is for him to have a connection to taehyung on his paci. he wants his best friend represented.

Taehyung:

taehyung is all about comfort over everything else, so i decided not to put any gems on it. i know from one of my own pacis that gems can sometimes bother my skin if they rub against it, which they might do if they're too close to the edge of the paci. the 'little puppy' is because i think he would be as hyper as a tiny pup when he's regressed. i chose a deep purple paci because he'd like it better than having it be pastel. though, i did pick out the pastel purple heart because 보라해. and of course a tiny bee to represent his soulmate, jimin.

Jungkook:

i really love jungkook's paci design. black because our boy is basically emo. i chose a grey bunny bc look at it, it looks like him. baby bunny is also pretty straight forward i think. the bottle is because he sometimes regresses pretty young, young enough to get bottles. the wings aren't for any specific reason, but i think he'd enjoy the look of them more than without them. the pink gems are to match with the bunny ears and he loves when things match, though i did only put them on the handle because he's a sensitive baby, so we don't want the gems to irritate his soft skin.

I you want me to make some for other idols, the ones on my list, please don't hesitate to request something!! other things too, if you want something written.

[settersloveletters]

hello i recently saw a post about sugar daddy kenma and i immediately thought like cld u write an angst (w good ending maybe?) w sugar daddy kenma but he actually falls in love w the reader but thinks she's just there for the money bc obviously she's a sugar baby and her being in love w kenma but thinks o well he probably has other sugar babies so it doesn't mean anything if that makes sense ckfmsk

— 11:11; oneshot

a/n: this one was actually so fun to write, but it took me maybe more than 6 hours to write and it’s currently 6 am aha (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ anyways, i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it ♡ this also became over the word limit for our scenarios so i made it into a oneshot whoops

➳ request: kenma is y/n’s sugar daddy who falls in love with her + angst

➳ characters: sugar daddy!kenma x sugar baby f!reader

➳ word count: 3.4k

➳ warnings: daddy kink + light nsfw

➳ admin: kiri ♡

↳ lowercase intended

[9:01] kenma: did you get the gift darling?

[9:01] y/n: yes daddy, i love it <33

[9:02] y/n: image.jpeg

kenma smirked to himself after opening the image of you showing off his latest gift for you. having been in a ‘sugaring’ relationship with you for a little over a year, he knew what you were into. meaning he knew what types of gifts that would get you riled up. his gift for you this time was a baby pink soft sheer slip on dress. you always loved pastel colours over the usual dominating red and black colours other sugar babies would choose.

[9:05] y/n: baby :(

[9:05] y/n: did you not like the picture :(

oh how lucky kenma was to have a sugar baby like you. you were definitely one of a kind in the world.

[11:06] kenma: sorry love, i was just admiring how delectable you look in that little dress i got you

[11:06] kenma: why don’t you come over tonight?

[11:07] y/n: i’m sorry baby i can’t :(

[11:07] y/n: you know i have that paper i need to write for my psychology class

and there was the one flaw about you. whenever kenma suggested you coming over to his place, not to do anything dirty you h-word people, you always managed to be busy. whether it be with work, or school, even when he offered to pay for your rent and your tuition. you always declined.

that’s where kenma’s thoughts split into two. you never asked for anything really. it was usually kenma giving you gifts he thought you would enjoy, which you did. however, when it came to spend more time together privately, you gently declined. he would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do, don’t get him wrong, but he did in fact want to get closer to you.

why you ask? why would a sugar daddy that agreed to a no-sex relationship want to get intimately closer with his sugar baby? well the answer was simple of course.

he fell in love with you.

after one year of texting, one year of taking you out on little dates to the aquarium or on a picnic at the park, kozume kenma had fallen in love, with you. to the unsuspecting eye, the two would seem like a normal couple, and not as a sugar daddy and a sugar baby. if only that were true. at least to kenma.

[11:10] kenma: that’s okay darling, you know how much i want you to focus on school

[11:10] y/n: i knew you’d understand

[11:11] y/n: 11:11, make a wish baby :)

i wish that you felt the same as me. i wish that we weren’t in this type of relationship. i wish that i could just call you mine. i wish that i could just shower you with love. i wish that you loved me, as much as i loved you.

[11:11] kenma: i wish that my darling would go focus on her paper so that i could take her out on another date

[11:11] y/n: daddy why are you so cute :(

[11:12] kenma: what’s your wish my love

[11:12] y/n: tsk tsk, it’s 11:12 and you know the rules daddy

[11:12] kenma: oh how you tease me darling

kenma laughed time himself at the banter you both had. you were completely different than the other girls he has ever encountered. the way you were down to earth, yet the playfulness you had deep down. kenma loved everything about you. but he doubted that you would ever feel the same about him. for now he was content with what you had. as much as it hurt, he didn’t wanna lose you.

[11:13] y/n: i better go finish that paper, i’ll talk to you later baby

[11:13] kenma: how about tomorrow we go out after your classes are done. we can go to your favourite café to celebrate the coming of a new weekend.

[11:14] y/n: mm, sounds great i’ll see you tomorrow <3

kenma went to bed that night, dreaming about the moment he would get to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you into his chest as you both fall asleep to each other’s soft breathing

kenma waited in his car a metres away from the entrance to your university. he decided to surprise you and pick you up and drive together to your favourite café. that was his plan at least. until he got a new text message from you.

[5:05] y/n: i’m so sorry daddy, but something came up :( can we reschedule that café date

as disappointed as kenma was, he knew that you would never cancel one of your outings together unless for a good reason. he was too soft for you.

[5:06] kenma: don’t worry about it darling, are you alright?

[5:06] y/n: yeah dw i’m fine, i’ll talk to you later tonight tho <33

putting his phone away, kenma drove off gripping his steering wheel. it’s been a week or two since he last saw you in person and he missed you. he missed seeing your smile in person. missed hearing your soft voice. the way your laugh sounded like he was in heaven. kenma was definitely head over heels in love with you.

sighing to himself, he decided to head over to your favourite café anyways since he himself liked their dark roast coffee. he parked a few feet away from the café, next to the curb side of the main road. just when he was about to get out, a familiar figure could be spotted from the corner of his eye. he looked up to see you walking out of the café you two visited often together with another man dressed in a nice suit.

kenma’s heart stopped. who was that man you were with? was he another sugar daddy of yours? is he the reason why you cancelled on him? were you really just like the other girls, seeking out any man that would waste their money on you? kenma glared at the back of both yours and the mysterious man’s heads. he really thought you were content with what you both had already. you told him that he was the only guy that served as a sugar daddy for you. but now, it looked like you wanted more. and kenma was not having it.

from that moment, kenma started to distance himself from you. he stopped texting you all the time. cut down the gifts he sent you, and just forced himself to stop thinking about you. that was easier said than done.

of course you noticed, and you even tried to ask him what was wrong. always getting a dry reply or no reply at all. you were confused. one second you both were having your usual

fun and playful banter, and the next second kenma’s giving you the cold shoulder. could it be that he got bored of you?

did he start to seek out other sugar babies? you really believed that you and him had something special. a bond that would only occur once in a thousand lifetimes. as much as you wanted to figure out what was wrong, you already had your hands busy with something else, not to mention that you knew kenma that well to know when he was in one of his moods to leave him be or else he would snap. so you ignored the thoughts of him seeking other sugar babies and hoped that whatever was making him sad would cease.

kenma glared at the two figures that were outside his car. as hard as he tried, kenma just had to see you again. he missed you that much. he went against what his brain was telling him and followed his heart, which led him to your condo building late one night. the condo building where you were currently outside of with the same mysterious man he saw at the café. he assumed the very worst. you did in fact get another sugar daddy. and by the looks of you inviting him up to your place, kenma guessed that you had a completely different relationship with him than what you two agreed on. maybe you were just with him for his money. you really weren’t different at all.

kenma had enough. he drove himself to the closest bar and got himself completely wasted. who doesn’t want a drink when their heart was just ripped out of their chest and stomped on. kenma drinking was a rare occurrence that happened once or twice every few months. he would need to be be completely out of his mind to bring himself to a bar to just drink like a mad man. and that’s what he was doing then and there.

after an hour or so, kenma was completely gone. he wasn’t one of those drunkards who would stagger around or outside the bar mouthing off whatever was on their minds. no kenma was one of the silent types. but they do say that the silent ones are the most deadly ones. as he was sitting at the bar table, kenma brought out his phone. opening a text chat he hasn’t opened in a while.

[11:09] kenma: fuck you

[11:09] kenma: i hate you so much

[11:09] y/n: kenma? are you okay?

ordering yet another drink, kenma flares at the screen in front of him.

[11:10] kenma: i never wanna see your lying, gold-digging face ever again

[11:10] kenma: you’re the worst thing that ever happened to me

[11:10] y/n: kenma, baby? were you out drinking? what are you even saying?

[11:11] kenma: oh look it’s your favourite time of the day. eleven-fucking-eleven. let’s see what do i wish for this time. i wish that i never fucking met you. i wish that i could go in time and stop myself from agreeing to meet you. because all you are is another lying slut that would do anything for money. i wish that i could erase everything i know about you. i wish that you and me never happened.

[11:11] kenma: it doesn’t matter. i don’t care about you. i have all these other sugar babies that would come crawling to me. you’re just another bitch that’s desperate for money.

[11:12] y/n: if you have all these other bitches then you really don’t need me. goodbye kozume kenma. screw you.

[11:12] y/n: this person has blocked you. you can no longer send any messages.

after all that happened last night, kenma was somehow in the right state of mind to not drunk drive and managed to message his best friend, kuroo tetsuro. coincidentally, kuroo was the same person who introduced you to kenma. kuroo, after seeing his friend’s text, picked kenma up from the bar and dropped him off at his house leaving the poor guy to wake up with a massive hangover. kenma remembered everything that happened. it didn’t help that he still had the text messages on his phone, yet he couldn’t bare to delete them for some odd reason.

the rest of the week followed slowly for kenma, as he tried to adjust his life without you. fate had different plans though. it wasn’t done with you and kenma.

although kenma had newfound bitter memories, the café you and kenma went to had his favourite coffee. as kenma fixed the cuffs of his suit, walking up to the café doors, he bumped into someone.

“sorry about that.” he heard a deep voice apologize.

kenma looked up, his eyes widening as he realized the man that bumped into him was the same man he always saw with you. oh how fate loved to toy with the both of you. before either kenma or the man could say anything, a soft voice could be heard coming out of the café.

“dad, are you sure you’re gonna be okay taking the train back ho- kenma?” before you could finish your sentence you stopped right next to your father and stared at the man that broke your heart just a week ago. even then, you could feel something pulling at your chest as you stared at the pudding headed male.

“don’t worry about me y/n, your old man isn’t that hopeless anymore.” your dad chuckled, ruffling your hair despite your protests. “besides it seems like you know this gentleman, might as well spend the afternoon together. i’ll take off now.”

your father gave a small kiss to your forehead before getting into a taxi that would drive him to the closest train station. the air suddenly turned tense as both you and kenma looked anywhere but each others’ eyes.

breaking the silence kenma asked, “that was your father?”, to which you simply nodded playing with your fingers. it was a habit that you did whenever you were feeling anxious about something. kenma grinned at the thought.

“i-i better go.” you started to walk off, before kenma grabbed your wrist halting your movements.

“wait, we need to talk.”

you turned your head and stared at him. kenma’s eyes widened as he stared into yours. he could see them start to glass, filled with hurt and rage. hurt and rage caused by him.

“don’t you have some other girls to attend to?” you bitterly spat out turning away again. you grit your teeth as you tried to hold in your tears.

“y/n, please-“

“i have nothing to say to you.” you said, pulling your wrist away. you started to walk off until his voice could be heard,

“please y/n, i’ll give you space. just please meet me at our spot at 10:00 tonight.”

you didn’t say anything and walked off, leaving kenma to watch as your figure disappeared down the sidewalk.

10:30

you still weren’t there. kenma sat on the swing that hung from the big oak tree above him. 30 minutes past the initial time he told you, and you still weren’t there. kenma was just about to give up and go home, when he heard your familiar light footsteps. he looked up to see you there, shining in the moonlight.

“you came.” he breathed out, relieved. you gave him a sheepish smile, before taking a seat next to him on the swing.

the two of you swung in silence, just admiring the night sky in silence. this place was memorable for you both. it was where you both first went out, and agreed to a sugar daddy/baby relationship. you both visited this place often as it wasn’t well known around the community, but was close enough to kenma’s place. it held a special place in both your hearts.

“i was drunk and stupid and i didn’t know what i was saying.” kenma said, breaking the silence. “i was just so angry and hurt when i saw you with someone else at our café. i thought you were seeing another man when you told me you weren’t.”

you stayed silent, waiting for kenma to continue.

“i know that doesn’t excuse the fact that i got drunk and texted you all these things that are definitely not true and i can’t believe i even said those things to you”

“you called me, and i quote, ‘a lying slut that would do anything for money.” you said, a bitter-tone lacing those words.

“i know, and i regret everything i said. i-i was just hurt and the next thing i knew i was drinking and texting you, and i just wanna reverse everything that happened.” kenma bent over, putting his head in his hands.

“well it’s not like you’re the only one at fault,” you said, “i was keeping something from you after all.”

kenma glanced up at you, as you stared at the full moon which was your only source of light.

“that man you probably saw, which by now you probably know, was my dad. he was in a rough spot ever since i was young, my mom dying too soon and leaving my dad to raise me as a child.” you started off.

“he’s had trouble with money and it was becoming too much for me. once i turned 18 i left my hometown and moved here. got a job and worked hard to pay for my rent and my schooling.” kenma saw you smile sadly at the ground.

“why didn’t you tell me, you know i could’ve-“ he started to say before you cut him off.

“i didn’t wanna ask for your help. you already do so much for me, asking help for this matter was something i was never gonna bring up.”

you both stayed silent again.

“so what happened after?” kenma asked as he glanced at you.

“well my dad contacted me a few months ago, probably 6 months into what started between us. and i helped him find a stable job. he came down to visit me after so long of not seeing each other.” you explained.

kenma let out a breathy laugh, throwing his head back as he held his arm over his eyes. he couldn’t believe that he was that jealous, that insecure, that crazy about you.

“you drive me insane.” he said.

“well the feelings mutual.” you shot back.

kenma sat upright and stared at you. the silence returned once again, and the both of you just stared at each other. kenma brought a hand up to your cheek, brushing the surface with his thumb. leaning into his hand, you gazed at him.

after weeks of not seeing each other, or even touching each other it looked like you two were at your limits. as kenma leaned down, you leaned up and the both of you met in the middle, lips connecting as both of kenma’s hands cupped your face. you wrapped your arms around his neck, to which kenma broke away from your lips and moved down your jawline, giving you small kisses up until he got to your neck.

“kenma,” you breathed out.

“ah ah, what did you call me?” he brought his mouth back up to the side of your head, softly biting your earlobe.

“d-daddy,” you panted out, your mind going crazy as kenma continued to plant kisses around your neck.

“that’s my girl,” he praised.

you and kenma burst through his front door still attached to one another, as kenma pushed you against the wall right when you entered the apartment. putting a knee in between your legs, kenma unbuttoned the top two buttons of your shirt, showing your collarbone. as kenma planted more love-bites across your chest, his hands roamed your waist.

you tried to hold in the sounds you were making, however that did not sit well with kenma. with one hand, he held your hands above your head, and with the other he grabbed your face to make you look at him.

“what did i say about holding in those cute little sounds for me”

“t-that you would punish me.” you whimpered. smirking, kenma lifted you by the thighs and carried you off to his bedroom.

once kenma shut his bedroom door he threw you into his bed, climbing over you and stealing your pair of lips once again. kenma glanced over at the clock that sat on his dresser and pulled away from you.

“look what time it is my love” he said softly to you. you turned your head to the clock he was staring at and before your eyes read the time, 11:11.

“11:11, make a wish” you smiled softly at kenma. he brought his head down once again, giving you a small peck on the lips.

“i wish that i had the courage to tell you this sooner.” he muttered.

“tell me what?” you asked, a genuine look of confusion danced across your face.

“that i love you. that i’ve been in love with you. that i wish we would drop this sugar daddy and sugar baby relationship and just become a real couple” kenma whispered softly, hoping you didn’t hear him.

however, hearing everything he just said, you brought his face down to your lips once again, before pulling away saying, “well my love what if i told you i could make that wish a reality”

kenma let out a breath of relief, before stealing your lips once again. he started to unbutton the rest of your shirt as he moved down your neck, giving you small love bites, marking you as his. he couldn’t contain his excitement the moment he heard you panting and gasping.

kenma went to bed that night, wrapping his arms around your waist and pull you into his chest as you both fell asleep to each other’s soft breathing.

[elysicndrcvm]

━♡ guess the 23 YEAR OLD FEBRUARY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because CHU EUNHA is just as BEDAZZLING as the month of FEBRUARY. wait, why do they remind me of JACOB BAE? beyond that, they seemed JOYOUS and SAVVY upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of DELICATE and QUIXOTIC though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 1 / APARTMENT 0215 / FLOOR 3 ; HE seem(s) to have a lot going on with HIS job as a PATISSERIE OWNER/NUTRITIONAL SCIENCE STUDENT. ( ez, 21, she/they, gmt. )

     well hey there !! im ez but you fellow dallyeogers can call me ezzy, i have been in dallyeog before so some may remember me as having someone v different to my new bb i bring u now, i joined before with miss tam carmen !! anygays i return with this lil angel who i am all ‘ i say that’s my baby and i’m proud ’ over already even tho i literally came up with him like two days ago. you can find his pinboard here ( which btw i fuckeN love like he’s so aesthetic to me u go king ) and i made him a lil playlist which u can vibe to here. you can learn more about him under the cut but he’s a super soft-hearted gentle dove of a muse and quite...simple for me ?? sdhdh that’s not the right wording but U GET IT djjflg he isn’t super full of angst or trauma he’s just kinda viBIN livin his best life so that’s fun !! but ye without further ado: 

so as u kno from his app he owns a patisserie, it��s his lil babey and he is very dedicated to his craft and makin sure all his ideas for the place and the baked goods he sells are like rlly quirky and avant-garde. like he is so passionate about it u dont even KNOW, he tries to make sure most of the stuff on his menu is something like fun and new u wouldn’t get at just any old patisserie or cafe and that it’s super varied and also kinda aesthetic af? the place is very like trendy. it’s called patisserie d’elysian cause ya know he’s an extra biTCHH and proud.

he has three pupperino’s. all as adorable as each other, snickerdoodle is his golden lab and often ppl shorten it down to snickers, butterscotch is his dapple daschund pup, shortens the name to scotchie often. toulouse is his fancy toy poodle boi, shortens the name down as toto. if u are on the shortened name basis with his pups then u can consider urself one of his close pals. 

he’s actually adopted by his aunt but she raised him like she was his mother so that is what he considers her, she’s on his mother’s side but they are half-siblings. in terms of first name reasoning as well she just liked eunha as a name and didn’t even think about how it is traditionally for a female, she liked that it meant gift from heaven so it stuck. his father is still around, he’s just quite elderly so it felt like a better living situation for him to be raised primarily by his auntie. unfortunately his mother has passed on but no tragic story, she just went peacefully in old age. 

he dyes his hair quite often, it’s currently like a really pastel blue with black streaks consistently throughout like lil ones so it looks super cool. but he’s also had it be a more electric blue, lilac, and a duck egg kinda faded silvery blue. it’s naturally dark brunette. has brown eyes kind of a hazel hue. 

his style is kinda androgynous ig?? he just lives for soft retro fashion, lots of color in his wardrobe but also lots of tapered short and t-shirt fits frequented, sweater vests, rolled up jeans, high skater boi socks, soft jumpers with shirts, shirts in bright colours or satiny texture worn over plain white t-shirts, cardigans, pastel denim jackets, jeans with printed patterns on like clouds, flowers etc, favors yellow and blues. sometimes does eye makeup, occasionally wears heels bc he’s a baddie or super heeled boots/chunky shoes. 

obsessed with music, can play violin and guitar. he’s a big mitski and rina sawayama fanatic, likes anything that sounds peaceful or calming or has like a good fun vibe to it. also likes the trademark gay icons like carly rae jepsen, lorde, etc. he’s not ashamed. obsessed with mamma mia movies. but also likes rap which is rlly funny cause its like the bad bitch female rappers only and like he’ll listen to it while arranging his sock drawer or making his bed or something ajdjdj it’s like hype anthems for being a baddie and a hoe and he’s just doing his night sleepy routine adkfkf. 

showers, blankets, music, baked goods especially bagels are his happy places. 

very much a sensitive lil romanticist, falls in ‘love’ like five times a day, he just likes to giggle and smile around pretty people and admire the artwork hnghdh, he’s like yeARNS though ya know?? like he’s all i will flirt by making prolonged eye contact, i made you a playlist, this song makes me think of you etc. it’s either memes as flirting with him or elaborate love letters u never know what ur gonna get akdkd. 

awful sense of humour, loves his friends more than anything on earth except his pups, would fully live in a huge house of just like his pups and all his closest buds for all eternity. likes fruits way too much, enjoys puns about fruits way too much. milkshakes, sushi, orange hues and bus rides are some of his absolute favorite simple pleasures of life. clouds, flowers, salt lamps, the sunrise over the sea, skateboarding, fresh soda, teddy bears, busy street markets, parasols, fish tanks with exotic fish, sorbet, bike riding, polaroids, record players, rain at night against floor to ceiling windows with a fresh steaming pot of tea on the desk beside it and warm fresh sheets from the laundry on his bed, ponds, skateboarding. all little joys in life that give him like the biggest pleasure dopamine hit in the world. 

his cousin actually owns a florists so he has flowers just littering his apartment like a lot and it just looks like he has ten million suitors from the late eighteenth century attempting to court him but no all these flowers are from him to him or worse from his aunt djfjg she sends him some for valentines every valentines, pls help him, pls send him flowers. 

studies nutritional science and he fucken hates it. do not ask him shit cause he doesn’t KNOW OKAY? he doesn’t understand it either. he took it because he needed something to go alongside the passion for baking that was a real ‘qualification’/job so that is the only reason he’s doing it. no point doing a baking degree after all when he’s already a baker with a business, he’s super young still he gotta keep his prospects open. so YAH. he’d rather be doing culinary arts but eh. nutritional science sounded better and more logic based. the real miracle is he still gets top grades all the time even tho he spends his life like wtf am i even doing is this even legit akdkdk. school is the worst thing in the world for him watch his mood instantly deflate the second its brought up. 

despite being a quixotic, he’s a lil afraid of intimacy. like oh god does he love it, those small touches and acts of affection u kno? the subtle things that normally go unnoticed, eye contact, brushing of hands, linking of little fingers, rubbing a thumb, kissing eyelids or foreheads or palms or shoulders in little gentle pecks, back massages and rubs or finger tracing patterns absent-minded, shoulder massages, laying your head on someone’s shoulder or on their lap, knocking knees together, exchanging a small glance only the two of you get before bursting into laughter, smiling into kisses, napping together, having blankets placed over you warm and fresh, or towels put ready like it, someone making you something they know you like a lot. that’s his sHIT. but like he’s terrified still, someone skimming their fingers on his skin makes his breath hitch like he’s a scandalized and alarmingly aroused victorian woman sjdjd. he’s literally still a virgin, he hasn’t even had his first kiss okay my baby is delicate be gentle with him akdkd but he still LIKES PASSION AIGHT kfkf. 

real soft spoken, honey tinted voice like i shit u not this boy talks like he’s an angel sent from heavens above to guide you to the paradisaical garden of eden or some shit akdkd. ur gonna fall in love with eunha’s voice before u even fall in love with any other part of him like his adorable beaming smile or stunning eyes akdkf. 

has dance parties around his room when getting ready in the morning, listens to bella’s lullaby unironically yes from twilight yes u heard right, bit of a himbo streak sometimes in his obliviousness djfjf. quite silently subtly funny actually much like jacob himself. 

he is gay, afraid of driving, cannot do math, blanks out often and he is valid for all of those things. has a collection of cartoon and disney animal movie dvds. has a dream notebook. always has blue painted nails in some kinda shade. 

does not enjoy turning in assignments bc he is scared he’ll fail, avoids looking at his grades for weeks after they’re released and hates knowing that they’re out. 

cannot dance, dances often. collects vintage stuff esp clothes and mostly sweaters. likes midnight trips to corner stores and fields where he can just lay and look at the stars. makes friends rlly easily but has super bad performance anxiety. cannot ever have a messy room like even the tiniest bit messy. even like clothes being stacked on a chair instead of away. 

bakes peanut butter, banana and choc chip muffins (they r called monkey bites normally) whenever he’s super stressed. if u want to cheer him up when he’s anxious or stressed then u should give him french lavender honey, chia seeds and caramelized pear on toast/bagel. it is his comfort food. he fancii when he needs a pick me up. treat urself and all that. 

[moonflowerus]

ULT GROUP(S) TAG!!!

I was tagged by the lovely @kimyovngjo, thank you ❤️

I’m too shy to tag anyone but if you see this and want to do it go ahead!! consider yourself tagged

1: who was your first bias?

hwanwoong and ravn

2: who is your bias now?

hwanwoong, ravn and seoho (yes literally half of the group... rip me)

3: what was the first mv you watched by them?

to be or not to be

4: what’s your favorite mv?

Also to be or not to be! I love all their mvs but I consider tbontb the most aesthetic (even if not exactly my aesthetic). I think it’s special for many reasons, including that it was my first time seeing oneus. There’s other more “objective” reasons why I like it the most tho: not only is the aesthetic stunning, it also has storytelling and fantasy elements, which I really enjoy!

5: if you could only listen to one of their songs for the rest of your life, which would it be?

Can I cheat and say all of them? sahjdfshgdf I truly love them all. However, there’s a few songs that touch me in a deeper way, they’re not like my favourites or better than the others but there’s something special about them: bingbing, lion heart and incomplete. I’ll also throw tbontb in here too bc it’s special and iconic.

6: who would you want to see them collab with?

I don’t keep up with kpop in general and like, to me 6 people is already enough asfshgfdhf but I’m gonna say any of the 1d boys (especially niall) for completely selfish reasons.

7: what (mv) concept do you want to see them do?

Since I don’t know much about kpop I also don’t really know about concepts. But hm... I think the fantasy element suits them very well, but when it’s been used it was in a more serious, dark way and the fantasy aspects themselves (like idk eye colour change) didn’t appear so much. So maybe something more dreamy? Soft? With more pastel tones and stronger fantasy elements (with good cgi and makeup). Basically soft aesthetic magical vibes. Also!!! flowers, many flowers. They already use it a lot and it’d fit.

Okay after writing that whole essay I just remembered I’ve thought before it’d be nice if they did something galaxy/universe themed, like those parts in valkyrie.

8: have you ever had a dream with any of the members in it?

Yes, twice! But only recently, like a few days ago. My dreams are crazy and I barely remember them tho. The first time it was seoho and I don’t remember the context but I met him and told him his name is very pretty, and he was really happy about it.

9: if you could spend the day with one member, who would it be and what would you do?

Ohh this is hard, I’ll try one for each of my bias. For ravn I think I’d like to spend it at his studio and hear him talk about music! I know nothing about it but I’m very curious and could genuinely listen to him talk about it for hours, and ask many question about producing, songwriting and his general music style. For hwanwoong I feel it’d be nice to go out on a sunny day, eat something and grab a drink at a coffee shop and then walk around/hang out at a nice area while we talk about whatever topics come. I’m not sure about seoho but I’ve always enjoyed watching friends play games so maybe we could just order food and chill while I watch him play, and then I could show him the one game I play, we could even play together!!

Also, not my bias but going on a food tour with keonhee sounds like a dream.

10: which member do you think you would get on with best?

I’m genuinely someone who gets on well with most people, so idk? I’d say my personality is like, a seoho base with some ravn and keonhee so maybe them? I think me and keonhee could quickly bond over our love for food and ravn looks like you can talk to him about anything so they’d be the easiest. seoho seems kinda shy around strangers but I feel like I have the same spontaneous/random vibes as him so we’d probably connect at some point.

11: which member do you think you would argue with?

I’m very chill and avoid conflict so no idea. Or maybe a little bit with all of them bc I’d tell them to go to sleep and rest instead of doing lives at 1 am.

12: if you had to let one member scroll through your tumblr, who would it be?

Hm, I don’t really care about it? I don’t think most of my posts are a big deal, except some of my weird/funny ones. I feel like hwanwoong would just find it funny and not take it too seriously so I’d pick him.

[treasure-my-aurora]

Take my Breath Away

A/n: I’m sorry if this is messy. I tried to copy and paste it as quickly as I could to let people without an account on Ao3 continue to read my fanfics since I’ve locked them all over there.

♥ Pairing: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung

♣ Summary: Drabble-ish time stamps following San and Wooyoung’s relationship

♠ Rated: E

♦ Words: 28,739

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They were just teenagers when they met each other for the first time, at the audition for KQ Entertainment new boy group. Both with black awkwardly chopped hair, uneven teeth, thin and a bit gangly. Disproportionated, like teenagers are. San couldn't dance and Wooyoung’s voice was still shaking when he tried to sing. So young that they were still questioning if this was the path that they really wanted to walk down, when the nights were dark and the anxiety that filled their minds even darker. Fighting every morning they woke up, with willpower alone to fulfil their dream. Wooyoung had the experience, newly exchanged from Big Hit entertainment when their plan for him didn’t match his aspirations, and San had the ambition, the voice, visuals and confidence needed for an idol. Wooyoung’s face flushed when he reached out to shake San’s hand and the smile that the other gave him made butterflies flutter happily in his stomach. There was a four-month age difference between them, but San insisted for Wooyoung to drop the honorifics when it automatically slipped through his lips in a middle of a sentence. Wooyoung’s face flushed again, he looked away with a shy smile on his lips and the days passed swiftly. The group was formed, and they worked even harder. Trained together, sang together, ate together, showered together and more often than not, slept in the same bed together. San quickly became the one that Wooyoung went to when things were bothering him, the one he sought out when he needed someone to laugh with, the only one who could match his intensity and energy. The way only they bounced around each other was incomparable with any other member and in the middle of joking around, playing games, working their asses off at every monthly assessment and training until their feet bruise - they truly found each other. San was the mountain that Wooyoung constantly could lean on, the one he needed to be able to stand upright when the management was pressing them harder. In return, Wooyoung was the streaming river that San could draw energy from, ever flowing around him, strong and quick and everything San wanted to become. They became friends when they realized that they were more alike each other than any other member, and soulmates when they finished off each other’s sentences and did most things in sync after only four months, more or less acting like they’d lived together for twenty years. It was unbelievably amazing to have find someone at that young age. Empowering for the soul and absolutely terrifying for the body, because with that age came hormones and emotions - two things that there was no time to even think about and even though neither of them wanted to, they quickly shut down everything they felt. Only allowed it to slip out when they lost themselves in thought and couldn’t help themselves from drawing closer to the other, like there was a thin invisible string that connected their bodies. ---

17:32

San was resting in his bed, cuddling with his many, many plushies while browsing through a comic book, knew perfectly well that he should probably pick up the textbook on Japanese that rested at his side and study instead. He pouted, sighed deeply, considered the consequences for a few seconds before he decided that the comic book isn’t worth the scolding. He was just about to roll over when a familiar figure rounded the corner to his and Yunho’s bedroom. “San-ah, I’m bored” Wooyoung whined loudly and San sat up enough to lean against his arms instead before he rolled his eyes to the expression on the younger’s face. “I’m studying, go away” He said and stuck out his tongue before laying down again. The lie would’ve worked if it wasn’t for the smile that tugged on his lips, a smile that Wooyoung saw just before his friend laid down. He squinted at said friend and closed the distance between them in a few quick strides before he jumped up with one foot on the ladder at the side as an aid, to join his friend on the bed. “Liar” The younger scolded, hit San’s leg with a soft flick of his wrist to make place and moved a few plushies aside before he lied down next to the older, stealing the place from said plushies as the cuddler with one arm and leg thrown over his friends’ body. Eyes dark and big like a fawn’s and something stirs in San’s stomach when he meets them, barely three decimetres from his face. “Entertain me” The younger said shortly, like he was a prince in the 1st century BC and San existed only to please him. San just scoffed and shook his head, broke their gaze and focused it on the textbook in his hands instead. “Entertain yourself Woo, I still gotta study even if I’ve only procrastinated so far” Wooyoung pouted, San saw it in his peripheral, fluttered his eyelashes and said with his sweetest voice. “Pretty, pretty please hyung, I’m so, so bored that I’d let you do anything with me” Something shifted in San’s body. Something raw and ancient and real and so, so bad, that his body froze, and he could feel how he gripped the book tighter when his friend smiled bright. He suddenly felt trapped underneath the youngers limbs. Shook him off and quickly sat up again. Cleared his throat, a bit more awkward than he liked to admit while putting the book aside. “Sure, let’s play a game” Wooyoung doesn’t seem to notice the awkwardness that San felt and sits up as well just as the older turned around, wet his lips and proceed to start a game of Di Bi Di Bi Dib, calmed his racing, confused heart and smiled softly when Wooyoung threw a small adorable tantrum when he lost at the first turn.

11:25

San was singing in the shower and it echoed through the thin walls of their dorm. It made Wooyoung pause the game he was playing, and he furrowed his brows as he tried to make out the words in the American song. He swallowed, sighed and something about the sadness in San’s voice told him that it was a ballad. Maybe about lost love. Maybe about someone who doesn’t love him back. Wooyoung could only understand snippets of it but he still found himself humming along when San sang the chorus again, earned a surprised look from his long-time friend, who sat across from him on the lower bunk bed. “Shut up” The younger whispered under his breath and Yeosang flicked his head, a teasing smile on his lips but he doesn't say anything. Wooyoung wet his lips while he looked back down on the small screen he was holding. Tried to start up the game again, but it was only a façade, because he was listening, wondered why San never sang like this when they were together. Almost shivered because his friend was so talented is kind of scared him... San stopped a few minutes later after he’d repeated the song a couple of times, exited the shower and Wooyoung just caught his figure as he walked past the bedroom, a towel around his hips and hair still wet. Wooyoung swallowed hard, caught Yeosang’s eyes again and the older of the two just shook his head again, a look of disbelief on his face. But he still doesn’t say anything and Wooyoung was thankful when he got back to the game the two were playing.

19:52

Summer. The evening sun painted the sky in an explosion of pastel colours and San’s cheeks were matching the deep red between the bright yellow and the dark blue above the clouds. His hand were holding a friend. His heart were tugging in confusion. “Why did you invite me to join you?” He asked, scared of the answer. Worried that the question was stupid. That friend of his, just four months younger but with twice as much charisma and personality, according to San himself, giggled and the sound of it made him smile back. As if he couldn’t stop himself. “I just wanted to watch the stars with you, silly” San frowned and looked at the lowering sun, knew with experience from watching countless sunsets, that it would be at least another hour until the sky would be covered in stars. “But…” He started, intended to ask why Wooyoung had stubbornly begged him to join him now and not at a better time but his friend didn’t let him. “Don’t ruin my future memory” He said with a stern voice and hushed him with a finger over his lips. A twinkle in those gorgeous eyes of his.

21:46

“You’re cute, you know, that right?” San's voice was hoarse, almost too honest to be comfortable. Wooyoung stifled a giggle behind his hand. Unsure of the certainty of the other’s words. His heart flipped hard and something unfamiliar boiled in his stomach when San looked at him from his place on floor, propped up against the wall in the middle of the hallway that ran through the whole dorm. One eyebrow raised as he looked at Wooyoung with slightly hooded eyes. Lips tugging up in a lopsided smirk and the sudden feeling of butterflies in the youngers stomach was frightening, strange and he seemed to freeze at the spot while watching the older. Felt how those butterflies flew upwards, clogged his throat and made his breath hitch as a hazy alluring mist of what could only be described as attraction poured over him, like a cold shower. He felt his smile faltered slightly when San stuck his tongue out before he brought the bottle of cheap, light beer that he held in a tight grip, back to his lips. “Why are you drinking?” Wooyoung cleared his throat and tried to shake the uncomfortable distressed feelings that clouded his mind but was only met with a shrug. “Why not? It’s Saturday, we’re nineteen. I should be out there, partying with people our age. But…” He frowned and stood up, slowly and steadily while leaning against the wall. Almost knocking out the three already empty bottles at his side. He cleared his throat and paused, as if he lost the dialogue in a train of thought and Wooyoung reached his hand out for his friend to take. “But you don’t have any friends?” He finished with a grin and San squinted at him, debated in his mind if he wanted to get angry or not, decided that it was too much work and grabbed Wooyoung’s warm hand with a scoff. “I have friends… I have you”

13:26

“Why do you always see the best in me?” It was the middle of September and just weeks until their debut. Wooyoung’s hair was a beautiful violet and now at the moment, when the Moroccan sun was at its highest, he looked just like San had always envisioned an angel to look like. “Of course, I always see the best in you, why wouldn’t I?” Wooyoung asked confused, maybe even a bit hurt. Frowned as he ate his lunch underneath the tenth that protected them from direct sunlight. San felt his cheeks heat up, pursed his lips in thought at where exactly he wanted the sentence that just slipped out of his mouth to go. Sometimes, like now, for instance, he didn’t think before he spoke and at the moment, he didn’t know what to say to his defence. “I mean…” He paused again, drank some water to buy more time and fiddled with the cap while he continued. “I mean… how can you see so much good when there’s so much bad?” He asked and ducked his head to inspect his shoes instead, worried that Wooyoung, his friend, his best friend, would just scoff and walk away. “San-ah… you don’t mean that?” He was pouting and a deep sigh escaped his lips when San nodded, quietly. Happy that the tenth they stood under was empty for the time being or he would’ve died with shame. Without a warning, Wooyoung’s arms were wrapped around his frame. Hugging him tight. Like he never ever planned on letting him go. “You are so good that there isn’t one ounce of bad in you. Don’t say such things about yourself” He sounded so sincere that San could almost believe the words he spoke. That he was good, as a person and at what he was doing. Too bad that familiar voice in the back of head reminded him that it wasn’t the case. It wasn’t the case at all.

16:12

“Have you ever wished that you could rewind something?” Wooyoung asked, resting on his back on the sofa. His head in San’s lap. Both of them watching TV just before going to bed a few days after their debut. San thought back on the past days, the rush that still ran through their veins. The hope and dream they’d been holding on to for so long finally realized. “Yeah…” He said back, thoughtfully, fingers playing with the washed out, now lilac, soft hair of the other and tried to block out how amazingly perfect it sounded when Wooyoung’s breath hitched as he softly pulled on the strands.

11:13

“Does this shirt look ugly on me?” San’s voice was unsure and he clicked his tongue, unsatisfied when he checked his figure from every possible angle in the mirror, tucked it into his pants, untucked it again. His motions quick and frustrated. Wooyoung looked up from the twitter feed on his phone, glanced over at his best friend over the edge of his glasses from his half sitting position on the bed on the opposite side of the room. San met his eyes in the mirror. His jaw was clenched. He expected an answer. But Wooyoung’s mouth went dry when he locks gaze with those intense dark eyes. He bit his cheek, swallowed hard, quickly collect some courage and was just on the verge of answering when San exhaled a sigh, looked away, tucked the shirt into his pants again and exited the bedroom without another word.

18:46

A few days after Christmas and Wooyoung inspected himself in the bathroom mirror, his fingertips pressed hard underneath his chin bones to make the edge of his jawline even more prominent. Did he gain weight again? His thoughts were interrupted. “Youngie?” A happy voice he recognized so well resonated in his being and he quickly let his arms fall back to his sides again. “What are you doing?” The voice was worried, scared of the answer it already knew. Wooyoung looked over at San, the source of said voice. Met his frown, the way his eyebrows wrinkled, the sadness in his smile and wished so hard that he knew what to do to turn that smile into a happy one again. But he didn’t know what to do. Didn't know what to say to defend the dark thoughts that daily echoed inside his head. The ones that flooded his bloodstream like thick black tar. Forced himself not to scratch at his own skin when the feeling spread and walked past his friend, who stood aside, silent but reluctant. Keeping his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt to stop himself from accidentally reaching out.

22:08

Seoul were cold in the winters and that big dorm of theirs heated up slowly on especially cold days. They had good radiators, but the windows were poorly isolated and the chill from a constant breeze of cold wind was just on the edge of being bearable. Wooyoung sat huddled with his members on the sofa, everyone cuddled under two shared duvets, some with a hot mug of tea in hand, and an action movie on the tv. Their leader and youngest were fast asleep already, his long-time friend rested on one shoulder, holding onto the arm that wasn’t occupied with the lifesaving hot beverage. The oldest of the bunch snuggled up on the other side of said long-time friend, holding onto him and salvaging the rare time of not being rejected. A familiar, special other friend leaned against his other side, nestled against his frame, with his head resting on his shoulder so that Wooyoung’s arm was free to occasionally bring the mug to his lips. That black hair with faded red streaks of his tickled against his chin and he would’ve minded, ticklish as he was, if it wasn’t for the fact that he only had to inhale and that wonderful smell that was just him, just San, entered his body. Rushed through him like a drug and he brought the hot mug of tea to his lips again to suppress the deep contented sighs that threatened to escape his lips.

01:00

That same night and San was sitting on the windowsill in the bedroom he shared with Yunho. Watched as the snowflakes covered the landscape outside. Some of them got stuck against the frame of the window and he poked the glass with an almost childlike fascination, like he’d be able to touch the small masterpiece with his fingertip. Yunho muttered, drowsy and half asleep, that he should go to bed since they had to be up early that morning and San knew it was true. Knew that he’d be tired as hell when his alarm would ring in a few hours. But he wasn’t tired. He kept repeating that moment in his head, like a silent movie, as it went faster and faster and made him dizzy. Of Wooyoung’s breathing against his ear. The rise and fall of his chest against his back. The gulping noise he’d made when he swallowed his tea. The way he’d sighed against the back of his neck. The way San had to bite down on his lower lip to stop the nasty, filthy thoughts that entered his mind like a foggy smoke, painting up vivid pictures of that sweet sigh in a different situation. The way that strong chest would rise and fall underneath his fingertips, with the younger placed in his lap. San would try his utmost to be quiet, to not drench out those wonderful noises the other would make with his own moaning.

21:06

Minutes after the concert was over. They were warm, sweaty from dancing and singing their hearts out. Proud to have finished yet another performance. Proud of their fans still screaming their names. Proud of themselves. Proud of each other. “Sannie, you have confetti in your hair” Wooyoung’s voice was light when he spoke, almost like he was still singing. His touch was soft, barely noticeable as he removed the paper from its place between the black and red locks. San wet his lips, mouth dry from singing and the way the younger smiled at him afterward. Placed the paper in a nearby trash bin so that staff doesn’t have to clean up after him. San gulped and murmured a “Thanks” before he looked away again. Scared that his heartbeats are just as loud as he can hear in his own ears. Scared that Wooyoung will notice that the redness that just appeared in his face wasn’t there when they got off the stage. Scared that the feeling of tiny fireworks exploding in the pit of his stomach was going to make him puke.

23:57

“I’m not used to this yet” Wooyoung met the eyes of the other, the small insecure smile on his lips when they folded up the bedsheets and prepared to go to bed. He seemed to regret the words he just said, his lips pursed as he looked away, flustered. “Not used to what?” The younger of the two asked. That too familiar, deep, twisted voice that scratched on the back of his head said that he’d done something wrong and now his friend had changed his mind about being his roommate for the night. Changed his mind about wanting to be close to him. “This hotel life… I’m not used to it” “Oh” He didn’t know what to say. Cringed hard on the inside for the stupid thoughts that’d been planted in his mind. Unsure if San just wanted to vent, if he wanted Wooyoung to agree with him, or if he wanted him to ask some kind of follow up question. “Sorry. I… I really shouldn’t complain, right?” San chuckled. But it sounded forced since the situation wasn’t funny and the blush that followed was even more painful than the sigh he let out when the atmosphere quickly turned awkward. “You can sleep in my bed if you want” Wooyoung wanted to slap himself when San looked up again and met his eyes with a small frown. “I… I mean, we can share… if you want. I really don’t mind. Not with you” He clenched his jaw. Cursed himself with the knowledge that he only dug himself further down into a grave he wouldn’t be able to climb out off. “Sure. I could use the company. But Shiber is joining as well” San said and the smile on his face was as bright as the sun, automatically making the other of the two smiles back. Unable to stop himself from sighing with relief. The older killed the lights, the dog plushie in a tight grip against his chest when he joined his friend underneath the covers. Their legs tangled together, and San lazily placed his arm around Wooyoung, and they quickly fell into a position they knew they both liked. Wooyoung with his head on San’s arm, nuzzling his nose into the swell of his shoulder and San’s hand automatically went up to play with Wooyoung’s hair in the back of his neck. Both acted like sleeping next to each other wasn’t natural to them, except it really was, they had shared bed countless times. With each other, with the other members. They pretended that it wasn’t, because they wanted to be stronger than they were. But they knew that they needed it, knew that they needed each other. Right now, in the dead of the night as much as any other time. When it was cold and when they needed comfort. In the past when the pressure of debuting and hardship of training became too much and the whole world was too dark and the heat from someone else, pressed with their face against soft skin with muscles that was already strong from years of training, was the only thing that could block it all out.

00:19

Wooyoung laid in his bed. Quietly watched the ceiling above him while Yeosang restlessly moved around in the bed underneath his, eventually found a comfortable position and finally fell asleep. But he, himself, couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t find the way to the comforting place he usually went when it was time to rest. His mind repeated the same memory for probably the hundredth time again, even though it was a few hours ago, he still closed his eyes and felt how his heart skipped a beat. They’d celebrated their first comeback with champagne that might have been a bit too strong and tasted nothing like he’d expected champagne to taste. They’d been laughing, dancing, singing along to their own music, played from the speakers of Wooyoung’s phone, until eventually, one member after another had gone to their rooms. Happiness still rushing through them, but their busy schedule in combination of getting slightly tipsy allowed drowsy sleepiness to overtake them quickly. The way San’s eyes were slightly hooded as he embraced him. Wrapping his arms around his body and invited him to dance closer. That certain way that only he could smile and Wooyoung was unsure if it was the dangerous sparkle in the other’s eyes or the fizzing drink that made him feel like he was stumbling on clouds. They held each other close, all alone, while swaying back and forth to the music that was still playing. “I wish I could stay with you like this forever” Something sincere and serious shadowed his face, overtaking the teasing tugging in those devilish lips of the older and Wooyoung giggled, looked away and felt how the tips of his ears heated up, thinking that San was only joking around. “Forever is a long time” He said and closed his eyes to just feel when his favourite part of the song came. Felt how San’s body pressed up against his. Felt how he lightly parted Wooyoung’s thighs with his leg to get even closer. Felt how the alcohol buzzed in his blood, pulsating through his body. Felt how he seemed to move without thinking, to the rhythm of the music and lost himself in the mindless pleasure of just existing without any trouble on his mind. Felt how San arched his body back while he held him in a secure grip, with his arms locked around his waist. Felt how San’s soft lips pressed on that big artery just underneath his ear. Felt how those lips pressed another kiss underneath his jaw, how he breathed out a small gasp of hot air on the same spot. Felt how amazingly good those lips on his skin felt. Shuddered as he remembered how many times, he’d wished those lips to just press onto his. “Sorry” A hushed whisper broke the magic between them, and San gave him a pained expression before he turned on his heel. Wooyoung was left alone on the living room. The last verse of “Light” was playing and he swallowed hard. His heart were rushing, head spinning and the arousal that had started to build up in his body made him breathless. He stroked the small spot on his neck that still seemed to burn. Bit down on his tongue to suppress a choked sigh.

15:36

The end of January and Wooyoung’s hair was blonde. San gulped when he met the other’s eyes as he got back to the dorm, hair still smelling strongly of the floral shampoo used to cover the smell of burning bleach and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and twirl a lock of hair around his finger. Impressed with the softness of it. The hairdressers were some of the best ones. “Do you like it? It’s only temporary” Wooyoung spoke with a pout and San bit his lower lip, stopping the word-vomit of compliments that threatened to escape. “They could literally put any colour on your hair, and you’d look good, Young-ie” San clenched his jaw when the other’s brows furrowed slightly. He got worried for a second, that the small endorsement was too much, until Wooyoung broke out into a big grin, closed the small space between them and hugged his friend hard. A breath hitched in San’s throat from the impact and he wet his lips nervously, the blossoming feeling of the others body against him still made him feel dizzy.

02:09

San had always been a hugger. He craved the attention, the feeling of a warm body against his own. Sometimes, especially on the road while travelling from city to city in their home country, when he couldn’t sleep, he would roll out of bed and crawl under the covers of another member. They usually gave him a disgruntled groan but let join as he held onto their arm to ease the comfort he needed. The only one who didn’t push him away, who just as often sought out the warmth he craved as well, The only one who always turned around to greet him and took a deep content sigh as if he too, could breathe properly again, The only one who placed his arms around him and hugged him just as tight - was Wooyoung. “Sorry” San whispered into the soft hair of the other, apologizing that he woke him up. But his friend only shook his head, stretched his lean body and pressed up against San like a satisfied cat. Pulled him closer with a firm hand on his back. The thin material of his pyjama pants didn’t leave much for imagination and the older of the two clenched his jaw when he felt every outline of the others body against his own. He gulped hard, felt how his breath hitched in his throat but Wooyoung was fast asleep again, his steady breathing, the small puffs of air against the nape of San’s neck left him aching, needy as he laid on his back. Feeling himself growing harder with every passing moment of agonising fantasies that played like a movie on the lens of his eye.

23:04

“I’m so lucky to have you” Wooyoung spoke before he could stop himself. Stopping the other’s movements just before he stuffed his mouth full of food again. He cleared his throat, and San met his eyes where he sat opposite of him. A small table of room service food between them. They’re in a hotel room, exhausted but happy from meeting their fans all day. Sharing a room for the night, both their hearts singing as soon as they got the key cards with matching numbers. “Sorry” Wooyoung said, quietly, embarrassed from speaking his mind so nonchalantly. San wet his lips, swallowed as if he wanted to collect his thoughts before he placed the chopsticks next to his plate. “I’m lucky to have you too” He said and felt how his cheeks flushed red from the confession. “You’re my best friend, Youngie-ah. I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world” San reached for the glass of soda in front of him. Gave him that beautiful smile that reached his eyes and Wooyoung felt his heart pick up in pace. He wanted to say something. Wanted to admit that maybe being friends wasn’t enough anymore. That there’s a part of him that craved more than warm, tight hugs. Needed more of the way that San always nuzzled his nose into his hair when he thought that the younger wouldn’t notice. Wanted to do more than just cuddle each other when the night was quiet, and darkness consumed their bodies. A part of him that he had to push down every breathing moment. A part of him that lusts for the other, for his body, his mind, the way he talked and laughed and made Wooyoung feel like he’s the only one that mattered. A part of him that knew that he needed San so much that it was suffocating him. Because when they were together and the other looked at him like he looked at him right now, Wooyoung’s demons disappeared and he finally found the courage to tell the snarly voice in his mind, the one that keeps telling him that he’ll never be good enough, to shut up.

11:18

Watching Wooyoung through their first world tour quickly turned into a small hobby. The way he moved, talked, laughed. The way he looked when he slept next to San, on stage, in the early morning when they arrived at another hotel. The way San could only imagine he’d look when he was so lost in pleasure that he couldn’t talk... he could never admit just how much he admired him. How badly he wanted to be considered an equal in the younger’s eyes. It was embarrassing. The fact that he could just… lose himself in thought when Wooyoung was around. Lose himself as he stole glances when the other practised dancing. Letting his imagination run free. Fantasising when they’d be alone to just close the distance between them. To hold and take. To claim and please until Wooyoung would be the only thing echoing inside the dark sulphur filled blackness of his mind. He’d excuse himself when it all became too much. Like right now, for instance, when the other warmed up, showing off just how much he could stretch his body, moving and feeling himself to the most shameless playlist San has ever heard. Locking himself into the nearest bathroom, already breathless as he closed his trembling hand around his cock. Grabbing the sink with the other to stabilise himself as he jerk himself off with fast hard movements. Eyes fluttering shut as his head fell back and he’s back in the room a few doors over. He imagines himself kissing those plump lips of the others, nibbling on his lower lip as his hands roam a body he knows almost as well as his own by now. The way Wooyoung would sound when he’d close his hand around his cock, the way he’d be dripping with pre-cum already. San would drop to his knees. Would do anything to just get a taste of him, to just get a chance to satisfy. His best friend’s name is falling off his lips as he came hard into his hand, face contorting and biting down hard on his lip to prevent a loud gasp from slipping out.

19:24

San’s hair in soft between Wooyoung’s fingers as he combed through it. The older sat on the floor underneath the sofa, between Wooyoung’s open legs, watching a rerun of an old series on the hotel room TV. It was in English and Wooyoung pursed his lips in thought when he didn’t understand most things they were saying. There wasn’t a Korean subtitle alternative either but neither of them really minded much. It was late. They had just finished dinner, eating in the solitude of their hotel room, like so many other times and chatted about the American tour so far. Joked around and played games with each other, like they usually did. The black and red of the older’s hair quickly turned more interesting though, when the plot of the series didn’t make any sense. Wooyoung wet his lips when San let out a small gasp of satisfaction as he lightly scratched the scalp, combed the hair back from the top of his forehead to the longer strands at the back. “Am I doing good?” The younger asked, half out of curiosity and half because a dark part of him was getting unbearable turned on, unbelievably fast by the small sharp gasps and groans that continue to slip from San’s lips. “Uhu, so good” San flat out moans, unable to stop himself when his friends skilled hands pulled his hair back again, harder this time, almost snapping his head back before they move down his neck and shoulders. An all too familiar feeling of arousal washed over Wooyoung like a cold shower and he’s already half hard when he stops, just before it gets too much, thankful of the big hoodie he was wearing.

07:52

It was between the America, and Europe tour and they were back in Korea for a few days. To get back at their feet and recap what and what not to do the second time around. Wooyoung sighed loudly and fell face first into the mattress of his bed. He inhaled deeply, appreciate off the smell from their own washing detergent and the familiarity of the walls of their dorm surrounding them. Yeosang immediately went to join Seonghwa at the washer, sorting out his clothes just outside the small room at the end of the corridor. Wooyoung stayed where he was, though, face down until he heard a small gasp and then the sudden clearing of a throat. “Sorry, I…” Wooyoung turned his face to the door, meeting San’s eyes, who’s face flushed and quickly looked broke the gaze between them again, rubbing his neck in a motion that only enlighten his awkward expression before he raised his sight again, as if he couldn’t help himself but to watch. Wooyoung knew that he was in a compromising position, with his arms at his sides and thrown over the edge of his bed, those skinny jeans of his hugged his form perfectly and would it be anyone else at his door, he’d probably stand up and ask them to leave. But San wasn’t anyone and Wooyoung would be lying if he’d say that he didn’t just enjoy, but absolutely revelled in the sweet glance the other gave him. It made his mouth go dry and he suppressed the want to arch his back and make the swell of his ass even more prominent. San clenched his jaw, gulped and bit his lip, loss for words when Wooyoung didn’t move, didn’t even look away from the burning gaze he gave him and most importantly, actually began (unconsciously of course because he wouldn’t be so wicked that he did it with intent?) swinging his hips back and forth, so slightly that it was barely noticeable. But San noticed, and so did the cock in his pants. Wooyoung inhaled deeply, his gaze flicked down to the other’s crotch and he quickly felt how his own pants suddenly got much more uncomfortable when a more and more noticeable bulge started to form in his friend’s tight pants. “Youngie-ah” The older of the two whispered and the pet name made Wooyoung shiver. They were interrupted, of course they were, and Hongjoong’s voice echoed through the dorm, collecting all his members to a family meeting before lunch. “Sorry” Hurried steps, a door slamming shut and the sound of a shower running made Wooyoung sigh and he sank back at the floor, dazed from what had just happened, feeling defeated and so horny he wanted to just crawl under the covers and ignore the whole world for the rest of the day.

22:46

April. Berlin. A city they’d never dreamed of being able to go to just a year ago, just like all the other cities on the European part of the tour. They were in Wooyoung’s hotel room, which he this time, shared with Jongho. They were joking around, playing games with each other, giggling. Still high from the concert a few hours ago. The Vlive was planned since yesterday and San pressed the record button the moment Jongho closed the door to the bathroom. Their energy doesn’t waver as the minutes pass, still dancing around each other with comments, compliments, exchanging looks from underneath their fringes in such rapid movements that it seemed like they were flirting. San had to look away every now and then, feeling how his heart pumped hard in his chest, and how the sharp inhales he took shook slightly when he smelled a whiff of the hotel shampoo mixed with the scent that was just Wooyoung as he leaned forward over the phone they had to be able to read the comments. Wooyoung’s frame against his when the younger hit him with his whole body, jokingly and with a teasing chuckle in his throat as they began playing a word game. Wooyoung’s laughter ringing in his ears and making him gulp down the feelings that blossomed in his chest. Wooyoung’s touch as he held his hand underneath the camera angle. Wooyoung in those gym shorts and that tee. The smell of his cologne when he got too close yet not close enough. Wooyoung. Wooyoung. Wooyoung.

08:09

They were back in Korea. The city had changed. Cherry blossoms adorned the trees and the chill that’d been in the air when they left had disappeared. Wooyoung took a deep breath when they got out of the cars, his luggage heavy and filled with at least 80% dirty clothes that immediately had to be washed. His gaze lingered on San, as it always seemed to do when his thoughts wandered and it’s as the other can feel Wooyoung’s eyes on him because he suddenly looks up, meets his eyes and breaks out in a big smile, the dimples in his cheeks makes the younger of the two choke on his breath slightly as he quickly looks away again. Their dorm is just as they left it, the smell of it more prominent now when they haven’t been there for so long. Wooyoung took in the safe familiarity of it with long inhales through his nose. Of them and their stuff. Of home. It’s like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he suddenly felt how tired he actually was. For a minute Wooyoung doesn’t care about the large bag filled with clothes that had travelled the world with him, he left it in the hallway and threw himself over the backrest of their couch, closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, happy but exhausted. A familiar body joins him within seconds, he knows who it is without having to open his eyes and just groans slightly as he props a pillow under his head and lays down more properly on his back to make place. The person on top of him mirrors the way he moves, lined their body up with his and he was just about to complain about the sudden shift in weight when he gets tightly embraced. A comforting nuzzle underneath his jawline shuts him up completely. “You know, it’d be much more comfortable if you’d just separated your legs” San’s voice is low and dangerously husky in his ear and Wooyoung had to bite down hard on his tongue to keep himself from shivering with satisfaction as that tone of that voice made him want to walk down a sweet path he shouldn’t walk on when he was in their living room, surrounded by his members and with the source of the voice on top of him. He scoffed and still refused to open his eyes. He could feel San’s breath on the lower part of his face. Knew how close he was. Knew that he’d do something stupid, like kiss him, if they’d lock gaze. He swallowed hard, sighed and rolled his eyes with an overdramatic flick of his head so that San understood what he was doing even if he couldn’t see his eyes, before he separated his legs and let his best friend sink in between them. … It was more comfortable than he expected it to be. The weight of San against his body, the way he was pressed against his stomach. The way Wooyoung knew, he could nearly sense it, that San watched him, chin rested on his knuckles, hands splayed across Wooyoung’s chest, fingers restlessly drumming. It was sweet though, with the intimate radiation they received from each other as they just lay there, just sharing a moment of tired but content joy. That was until San shifted slightly as he wanted to get even closer when the steps around them died out and the members went into their separate rooms. He jerked his hips forward slightly to edge himself further up. It was an innocent action, it really was. Meant to only ease the weight Wooyoung already had on him but to the younger, the effect was the opposite as a shiver ran down his back, making him involuntarily arch it, just a little and his breath hitched in his throat. He suddenly felt trapped, and more importantly, the sudden new pressure on his crotch didn’t help the arousal that flooded there. He choked down a small groan, tried to think about anything else than the amazing feeling of San’s hips against his inner thighs. The feeling of him pressing down on him just right in those soft pants he wore. “Wooyoungie?” San asked with surprise in his voice and wiggled slightly, very carefully, just to make sure that he didn’t mistake what he felt. Wooyoung pinched the bridge of his nose in shame, felt how his cheeks redden and gulped hard. There wasn’t a point in trying to escape. If he did so, San would see what he already felt anyway. Instead he just sighed and finally opened his eyes. It was his best friend he was talking to; he could at least look him in the eyes when he lied to him. San tilted his head, eyes dark and curious and Wooyoung combed his hair back with a frustrated motion, felt how his heart tick hard in his chest. How it picked up in speed when San licked his lower lip into his mouth, a nervous reaction but still with that look in his eyes that triggered an immediate flight or fight reaction in Wooyoung’s body. He forced himself to stand his ground. Knew that the other could probably feel the heartbeats as well. “It’s been long… you know. Touring and the stress and everything. I just haven’t taken the time to properly…” He drifted off. So embarrassed that he wanted to roll out of the sofa and jump out through the large window at his right. Telling a white lie was bad enough. Telling a white lie to your best friend, who was the reason why you couldn’t speak the truth was ever worse. That he hadn’t masturbated at all on tour was the biggest lie. He had, with said best friend in mind, in more moments than he could remember. Roaming one hand over his chest and closed the other around his cock, wishing, daydreaming to his heart's content, that his hands would be replaced with San’s one day. “Yeah… I know that feeling” San placed his hands on either side of Wooyoung’s face instead, raised himself up and leaned over the other. Tilting his head to the side again, and that long fringe of his shadowed his eyes slightly. Wooyoung could’ve sworn that they looked darker than before. “How?” He forced himself to ask. Heard how his voice sounded weak and pathetic and regretted it the second the question slipped out but knew he had to go through with it when a small wrinkle of confusion appeared between San’s brows. “I… I mean… I know that it’s tough to get in the mood on your own sometimes, but we had a concert every other day. You could’ve picked any of the girls in the crowd. I bet they’d do anything you’d wished for and more” He swallowed hard, praying even harder that San didn’t hear the small break in his voice when he mentioned the fact that he wasn’t the only one racing for his heart. The older of the two chuckled, but it was filled with anything else than joy, before he sat up again, broke their gaze, sighed heavily and shook his head. Wooyoung’s right leg fell off the sofa when there was a shift in weight to lazily rest on the side instead and he felt exposed, with his legs still separated, San in between them, looking perfect as always and not at all like he hadn’t just arrived home after travelling for the past thirty-six hours. “I could’ve. You could’ve as well, you know. Personally…” San flicked his head in a quick tilting motion. Anxiously. Making his hair bounce with the movement and he looked down on his hands, which rested on his folded knees, before he brought them up to cross over his chest. To protect himself from the truth he was just about to spill. “Personally… I’m less of a girl and more of a guy kind of person” He concluded and Wooyoung frowned as a deafening silence fell between them, not realising what San had meant until the older had awkwardly cleared his throat, stood up and left him without another word.

20:50

The beginning of May. The beginning of summer. But while nature started to wake up, San felt like he was still sleeping. He cursed himself. Cursed the stupid feelings that bloomed in his chest, competing with the small pink cosmic flowers in the flowerbed outside their dorm. He scoffed, pouted and wanted to kick them but Wooyoung was tugging on his hand before the thought was put into action. “Sannie-ssi, let’s go” He swallowed hard and met his best friends’ eyes. The laughter in them. The way he combed his long fringe out of his forehead, like he usually did to calm his fidgety hands. The way he tugged on San’s hand again, completely obvious with how hard he tugged on San’s heartstrings as well. The short ride to the amusement park was spent in comfortable silence. Their manager had promised them one hour just after the place had closed down. As a carrot for them to work hard with the new comeback, which were right around the corner. Wooyoung’s hand found his again as soon as they had exited the cars and he dragged the older along to the first ride. San were scared but just as excited when the roller coaster car dropped and he put his hands in the air, the friend he was still holding onto followed and the laughter that bubbled from said friend send San’s mind and heart into a pink endorphin filled frenzy. He couldn’t help but laugh back, holding onto Wooyoung even tighter. The squeeze of his hand that followed squeezed his heart just as much and he was breathless when they ran to the next ride. 45 minutes passed quickly, and San’s hand had been empty for two minutes, one minute each as they had a bathroom break and then had to wash their hands from traces of cotton candy. “Let’s finish off with that one, San-ah” Wooyoung giggled behind his hand and San looked over where the younger was pointing, expecting another crazy roller coaster. But it was anything, but a wild ride and he paused for a second, almost stumbled over his step but didn’t say a word as the park worker made sure that the door was properly closed behind them. The small box they were in had shaded glasses and San quickly put his hands on his knees rather than the fabric of the red, soft sofa he sat on, guessing that more things had happened in the box than just watching the scenery that slowly but steadily opened up before them as the Ferris wheel started spinning. There was music in the background, soft and barely noticeable, with a piano and some strings, probably to set the mood and San wet his lips nervously when he watched his best friend. The way his mouth fell open with wonder as they got higher and higher. The nervous giggle that fell from his lips when he saw how far up, they were. The moment was something special and San leaned back as he watched with a small smile on his lips, the mood between them was as it usually was. Pleasant and simple. Like a lightweight dream. But the silence was suffocating him, and he needed to say something, anything to make sure that his feeling was correct, and nothing had changed over the last few two weeks. “Wooyoungie” San said finally. His friend turned towards him, that bright smile of his faltered slightly when he recognized the seriousness in the tone of the other and he sat back properly against the backrest so that San was straight in front of him. Their knees touched in the tight space. Their hands longed to reach out to each other. “I…” “You don’t have to worry. I won’t tell anyone, your secret is safe with me and I still love you just as much as before... in a… totally, very platonic way of course” Wooyoung interrupted before San could speak another word and he could only nod, dumbfounded by the way the younger smiled afterwards. A bit surprised, but still not really that Wooyoung already knew what was on his mind. The way their hands quickly found each other again. The way he tried to concentrate on the scenery outside, with Seoul in full bloom below, the sun shining through the glass window at the side of them and how lucky they were to be there, all alone in a closed down amusement park. But even though the scenery was nice and how that luck of theirs would shine even brighter on them in the future - Wooyoung was more beautiful than anything San had even seen before and he didn’t just felt luck, he felt thankful as the other squeezed his hand again after changing sofa to sit beside him instead. Leaned up against him as they went around in the Ferris wheel. The smell of Wooyoung’s cologne as San placed his arms around his body, nuzzling his nose in the younger’s hair. Felt how his heart fluttered and throat clog shut when Wooyoung turned his head and he received a look from underneath dark, long eyelashes. San was sure that if heaven would be anything like this, he could’ve died happy in that moment to make it last forever.

12:07

The dorm was quiet for once. Wooyoung was on his phone and the silence between his and the room San shared with Yunho competed with the empty loneliness, the need for his friend that already echoed in his heart, bringing chaos to his mind. He locked the screen of his phone, closed his eyes for a few seconds and sat up, determined to find something to do. Four of the other members were out doing god knows what, which only left Jongho, Mingi, San and himself in the dorm. Or well… scratch that. Jongho was probably out as well. He just had a habit of not saying goodbye before he left. Wooyoung stretched his arms over his head, scrunched his eyes shut when his vision blurred slightly and did a little body shake to shake life in his sleepy limbs before he ventured out of his room, walked down the corridor towards the kitchen and rounds the doorpost of the room that he almost spend more time in than his own. San looks up from his laptop, pulls out his headphones and gave Wooyoung a soft smile from the top bunker. The younger waste no time and immediately climbs the ladder up to join him just as his friend closed down whatever he was doing and set aside the laptop, still with the same comforting smile on his lips. Wooyoung is mindful of the height they were on but still tackled the older as soon as he was in bed and the sound of San’s surprised laughter makes the empty chaos in his head disappear like fine dust in the wind. They settle down comfortable, San on his back with Wooyoung half on top of him, clutching his arm with a leg thrown over his waist. Both hearts were beating in unison, their breath synced up without either of them knowing and they just lay there for a minute or two, with San softly brushing through the younger’s hair and Wooyoung himself nuzzled his nose in the splattered freckles in the nape of San’s neck. He swallowed hard, inhaled even harder and felt how the smell of the other fills his body with butterflies. His heart clutched and it’s like he moved on his own, like he couldn’t stop the side of him that craved more. The press of his lips against those freckles makes him woozy, San’s breath hitched in his throat and Wooyoung does it again, and again, and again. There wasn’t a rush to get on with something else. Even though Wooyoung wanted nothing else than just straddle his best friends hips now and ride him until he forgot his own name. “Youngie-ah” San’s voice was raspy, and he choked on the words slightly. Like he fought to keep his voice as normal as he could. “Stop, please” He begged and Wooyoung separated himself from the older quickly, scared to death that he’d passed a line that shouldn’t have been passed. Scared that San would tell him off and that he’d ruined their friendship completely. He removed his leg from across the others waist, accidently brushed it against a rock-hard cock and it was as if his own brain just shut down completely. He felt how the butterflies that had only simmered in his body up to that point, exploded with the power of fireworks and it was as if his arousal punched him in the stomach. San turned his head towards him, faces just centimetres apart and Wooyoung inhaled sharply from the black wildfire that burned in his eyes. He knew that his friend could feel him, they were still very much pressing up against each other and he gulped when San’s hand brushed against his inner thigh. The latter’s breath hitched again as he felt the hot throbbing bulge there. “Sorry” Wooyoung whispered, shameful that he’d put San in an embarrassing situation, that he’d felt the effect he had on Wooyoung himself. “I’m scared that I’ll do something I regret if you don’t leave” San whispered back, his fingers ghosting over the hair in the back of the others head again and Wooyoung shuddered, involuntary arched his back to the addicting warmth that spread through him. San tensed his jaw from the feeling of his friend’s hard cock pressing on his thigh, contained the need to move his other hand a decimetre to the right and palm the younger through the sweat’s he was wearing. “Do what?” Wooyoung breathed against his face and San closed his eyes, gulped and shook his head, his hand travel over the others stomach before he placed it between them instead, softly pushed on Wooyoung’s chest. “Please, just go” The younger sighed and his heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach, but he didn’t argue. Didn’t want to make the whole situation worse than it already was and sat up, jumped down the bed and gave San one final glance before he walked out the room.

00:05

Kcon, Japan. Midnight and they were finally back at the hotel. San splashed his face with cold water and gasped slightly from the tingling shock of it. He’d just taken a hot shower, completely lost himself in the pleasure of feeling the sweat, the anxious feelings and stress from the show wash off him. Thought back on everything that had gone wrong but also everything that had gone right. Smiled to himself. Thought back on how good he knew he looked, and involuntarily, thought back on how good Wooyoung had looked as well. The black of his hair against the black of his suit. How the red on their accessories mixed in perfectly with the look. The green splotches in the lenses that hid the natural brown in his eyes. The warmth in the way he’d smiled when San complimented his performance after the show. The safe familiarity of his body against his when San placed an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer. He sighed, moved his hands over his body and turned his face up against the shower head. Remembered how Wooyoung had looked when they started to undress, with his face flushed and red dress shirt unbuttoned, still tucked into his black slacks. The water dribbled on San’s body, through the dark hairs that covered it. Fingertips brushed against the muscles on his stomach, against hard nipples. He felt a sudden shudder of pure enticement and lust running down his spine. Gasped out as he realized what he was doing, turned off the shower immediately and exited the shower before he’d become too lost in himself. Violently shook his head to remove the thought of his best friend. Tried to forget the look in his eyes when they met after removing the first layer of clothes, both gulping at the same time and quickly looked away when they noticed the other staring. Splashed his face again. Removed the last traces of make-up. Dried himself up, did his evening routine before he put out the lights in the bathroom, softly humming to himself. He walked out, mindful of the glass window that still wasn’t covered by a curtain. Rounded the corner to the rest of the room and then almost had a heart attack, stumbled slightly and mentally thanked himself for still wearing the towel when he saw that his bed was already occupied. He took a deep breath, tried to calm his racing heart and asked with a slightly scolding voice, amusement hidden between the layers of the words. “How did you get here?” Wooyoung glanced up from his phone, his chin hidden in the hoodie he was wearing. The tips of his hair still wet from a shower he must have taken recently. He’d thankfully taken off his shoes, feet bare against the white covers on the bed. Mouth falling open slightly as he stared at the drops still running down his friends naked upper body. San stood just as frozen when he noticed the others stare, still holding the towel in a death grip, his phone in his other hand and it was as if time stopped around them in a good 20 seconds before the older of the two spoke up again, cleared his throat rather awkwardly. Wooyoung’s face was covered in a precious pink and he was sure that the other was just as surprised but frustratedly turned on as he was. “Wooyoungie, why are you here?” San rephrased the question and the other seemed to break out of the trance he was in, looked up from his body to meet San’s eyes and opened his mouth to answer. “I uh… I switched with Mingi” He answered and gulped before he teared his eyes of San completely. Mouth dry and body squirming. San considered dropping the towel completely there and then, bit back a small smirk when he thought about the reaction he’d earn, but still decided against it. Even though there clearly was a mutual attraction between them, he didn’t know if it was because Wooyoung enjoyed the other’s company simply because it was San himself or if San was simply the only one that didn’t protest when the younger craved so much attention it was almost unbearable for the other members. Clinging to them, poking their cheeks and annoyed them until they literally shrugged him off their bodies. He didn’t know if he was just the easiest one for Wooyoung to ease his daily burdens on. “Why?” San asked and took a few steps closer. Wooyoung recoiled on himself, just a little, like the sight of his friends naked body coming closer alarmed him and the older stopped and tilted his head, a bit perplexed of the random behaviour. Confused and a bit hurt and his friend wet his lips, combed his fingers through his newly washed hair. “Just put on some clothes please?” Wooyoung begged and met San’s eyes from underneath his lashes, chewed on the inside of his cheek when his friend placed his phone on the desk beside him, took another step forward and Wooyoung shook his head. “What are you afraid of Youngie-ah? It’s just me, who I’ve always been” He took another step, standing just next to his best friend, who looked up at him like he was completely terrified, but the look in his eyes and the small twitching in his fingertips betrayed him. A look that San recognized all too well. The one that he always picked out from the back of his mind when the days were too long and he was too bored to do anything but jerk off to the thought of his best friend going down on him like he never wanted anything else but San’s cock in his mouth and two fingers tickling the bundle of nerves deep, deep inside of him. Fuck. He sat down at the edge of the bed when Wooyoung didn’t answer, reached for his hand and even though his mind basically screamed at him to put that hand on the growing hard on between his thighs and not anywhere else, he placed it over his heart instead. Wooyoung looked away, suddenly shyer than scared and his hand jolted in San’s when he felt the warm, smooth skin of the other. “Look at me, please?” San asked and Wooyoung swallowed, gave him a pained expression and reluctantly met his eyes again. He wanted the younger to explain. Explain why they were both feeling like this. Why San’s mind was screaming ‘no, no, no! You’re my best friend, If I push my feelings on you, I’m going to ruin everything’ and his heart was shouting back ‘yes, yes, yes! I love you so much it physically hurt me and I want nothing else than for you to just tell me that you feel the same way so that I can finally, finally have you, all of you, to myself’ Wooyoung didn’t explain. But he didn’t remove his hand either, a small blush covered his cheeks as he felt San’s hurried heartbeats underneath his ribcage.

03:17

Wooyoung was laying restless in his bed again. Just like he’d done for the past nights. Tossed and turned with no avail. Begged sleep to overcome him so he could put his utmost into the promotion that was going to start in two days. He sat up, rubbed his face with tired hands, threw his legs over the edge of the top bunker bed and paused for a second to make sure that Yeosang didn’t wake up when his feet hit the floor in a soft thump. Months upon months of midnight training had made him stealthy and he walked with quick steps towards the sofa in the living room, avoided the floor planks he knew would creek, hoped that the white light and buzz from the tv would make him sleepy. He paused. Was the tv already on? “Hi” San said as soon as Wooyoung rounded the corner when the corridor became the living room. The upper part of his body was naked, thanks to the humid hot weather outside and Wooyoung was immediately thrown back to the hotel room in Japan a few days earlier. The feeling of San’s skin underneath his fingertips was still stuck in his memory like a sweet sugary syrup. Coated his judgement and made him dizzy. That look San had in his eyes back then. “Wooyoungie? Did I scare you?” The older asked, slightly worried, hesitant and a bit self-conscious as he pulled a soft blanket over his head to cover himself, with only his face poking out. Wooyoung shook his head, hid all his feelings in a locked box at the back of his mind, closed the distance between them with a few quick steps and it was almost as if things were back to how it’d always been when San placed his arm around Wooyoung’s shoulders, pulled him closer with a bright smile. The cute dimples and scrunching nose made the younger’s heart flip and he smiled back, purely as a reflex before he settled underneath the crook of the others neck and focus on the American 80s cowboy movie that San had found on a channel Wooyoung didn’t even know they had. It was almost as if things were back to how it’d always been, except it was nothing like that at all and though both of them were trying to relax, trying to enjoy each other's presence - the fear of a misplaced hand, and the fact that they were so close that they could smell each other’s cologne, the underlying smell that were just them - were excruciatingly painful. The feeling of San’s naked chest against his own was everything Wooyoung wanted to the end of time and everything he had ever feared.

16:22

They received their album the same day it was released, and Hongjoong thanked their manager profusely when he reached out to give it to them. They were in the studio after being called there to listen through their new songs for the first time and see how it visually had turned out before it was released, and the staff had been kind enough to prepare dinner for them while they were there. The managers presence had interrupted that first hot meal of the day, but they all stood up without a question and bowed deeply to show off their gratitude. He left shortly after and all their fingers fiddled nervously when their leader unwrapped the plastic protection. Browsed the photo catalogue in awe. Playfully hitting each other with teasing punches and laughing loudly at the photos that were in it. Placed all the postcards on the table in front of them, the group photo and the individual photocard. San took the very chance he got and snatched it as soon as he saw who it was. No questions were asked. They all could see who was on the photo. Wooyoung blushed slightly and looked up to meet San’s from underneath his fringe. Swallowed hard when San shyly smiled back while he placed the photocard of his best friend in his wallet.

15:36

They were doing a Vlive again. Joked around while eating their food. Unconsciously mirrored each other, laughed between bites of food and proved to the whole fanbase that they truly were soulmates with 3,2,1 questions. Wooyoung watched his best friend from underneath his lashes. Tried not to stare too much but San had made it difficult for him. Looking like an angel sent from heaven to make Wooyoung forget about any problems that has ever troubled his mind with the light red make-up that shadowed his eyes. Wooyoung couldn’t help but to reach out, at times when he knew he doesn't have to. Just to feel the others skin under his touch Found it to be harder and harder to breathe properly when San leaned over his shoulder to read the comments on the phone that rested on the table among the food. They were not alone. A video director was sitting across of them to make sure that the video recorded properly and even though Wooyoung himself considered himself a gentle person, someone who never demanded a thing and was at most times hellbent on making sure that everyone felt seen and included and loved, staff and members alike - but now he wanted nothing else but for that said director to just get the fuck out and leave them alone. The older placed his hand on his back when he leaned over him again and the feeling of San’s breath on his neck made him shudder lightly. San, who pouted when he talked, hummed with satisfaction and slurped on his food when he ate and Wooyoung wanted the earth to swallow him right then and there for all the things it made him feel. His heart flipped again when the other borrowed his glasses, looking at least twice as good as Wooyoung would ever look in glasses himself and he swallowed hard while complimenting his friend. Feeling how he was sweating in the hoodie he wore from the smirk he received back. They talked, joked around a bit more, finished what they were eating and soon enough gave place to their hyung, who came to have a conversation with Atiny as well. Wooyoung placed his hand around his friend when they packed up their stuff. Felt how the muscles on San’s stomach tensed up slightly from the sudden touch and swallowed as the older followed in his footsteps as they walk out the door. Immediately grabbed his hand when they were alone again. Like he had been starving for the younger’s touch the whole 30 minutes they did the Vlive. Wooyoung looked over at his friend, felt how his face flushed when San pulled him closer in a half hug, not caring about the staff around them. Not caring about the curious looks they received. Not caring about the nagging feeling in their hearts. The feeling that told them both that they shouldn’t be this close if they were just friends. That it seemed like it was more than just fanservice or skinship or anything in between. The fact that it could be something more and that Wooyoung felt, when he quickly lock gaze with San as they stumbled to the car that would take them back to their dorm, that maybe… just maybe… San felt so as well - was terrifying and so indescribably amazing that he felt like he was walking on clouds.

10:45

It was minutes before their comeback. San felt how his heart was ticking hard in his chest, reached out to put his hands on his best friend’s shoulders, just to stabilise himself. Pulled his fingers through said friend's hair. Felt how Wooyoung took a sharp breath and he could almost swear that he swallowed hard from the feeling as well. Minutes passed, he leaned forward to read the comments fans left for them. Inhaled deeply and wanted to nuzzle his nose into Wooyoung’s hair but decided against it. Knew that it would look inappropriate on camera. Reached out to massage the youngers shoulders instead, fingers played with the hair in the back of his neck. Like he could relieve some of his own anxiousness, from inflicting the calming pleasure on Wooyoung and it helped him ease the fidgety feeling he already had in his fingertips too. Wooyoung cursed at him softly when the Vlive was over and they said goodbye to Atiny, urging them on to listen to the mini album before they ended the broadcast. “Why did you keep touching me like that, all the time? We were supposed to be professional” Wooyoung blushed, pulled San aside just outside the room they recorded in and the other members just spared them a glance before they kept walking to go get some lunch, knowing that the duo would catch up with them whenever they were finished. “What do you mean?” San asked and felt the tips of his ears flush. Wooyoung paused for a few seconds. Looked like he tried to put his thoughts in order to describe whatever he was thinking, and San swallowed hard, not understanding what he’d done wrong. “I was just… nervous… you ground me. You know that” San tried to explain when the younger doesn’t say anything. His friend looked away, crossed his arms over his chest and puffed it out slightly, pouted and San wanted nothing else than to just embrace him and apologize. “I… I know…” Wooyoung answered finally and San reached out even though his mind was telling him that he probably shouldn’t. He placed his hand on his friend's arm, tugged on it slightly to make them fall against Wooyoung’s side again before he took a step forward and hugged the younger tight. Flushed his body against him with both arms around his midriff. Wooyoung sighed, first it’s more like a sharp annoyed exhale through his nose and San sweep the area swiftly with his sight, noticed that they were completely alone and then nuzzled his nose underneath his friends jaw, pressed a light peck just underneath his ear and Wooyoung melted to putty in his arms. He sighed again, more content this time and San stifles a small heartfelt chuckle under his breath.

22:07

Towards the end of June and the water from the showerhead was cold on Wooyoung’s skin. He shuddered, fringe over his eyes as he watched how the water pooled at his feet before it disappeared down the drain. He thought back on every minute of the past three hours. Went through them over and over in his head. Felt how tears formed in the corners of his eyes. They were supposed to be training, not the dancing he preferred to do, but actually working out, with actual weights and stuff and though it was boring at first (it always was) joking around with his members was somewhat of a hobby of his. He knew that he should take it seriously, exercising was important. Mainly, of course, so that they could stay in good shape. But also, to build up the muscles needed for their choreography. Which was just so… unbelievable… boring. Wooyoung was someone who needed space to move, to dance and dance and dance until he couldn't stand upright anymore. Not sit down and work on a machine that pushed certain muscles to the breaking point. He’d complained, the trainer had rolled his eyes and explained for the hundredth time all those things that Wooyoung already knew. Complained about the trainer to San who then snorted out a laugh in a way that was anything but subtle. His best friend was not short on jumping on the train of shenanigans. They joked around, danced to the music in the background when the trainer had an important speech about how to build muscles in the most effective way. Made funny noises when the other members worked out and bumped into each other as they joked around, never missed a beat as they seemingly danced around each other, unconsciously playing a game of cat and mouse. Their trainer kicked them out, referred them to go to the dance studio to work on their choreo if they couldn’t stand still and they got a scolding look from their leader just before the door slammed shut. They stumbled to the room a few doors down, still roaring with laughter and San hopped down in one of the chairs at the back, the wheels of it made him roll a good three meters until he hit the wall with a small thump. Wooyoung chuckled to himself and put on some music, an American song was the first on the playlist and San shouted an “Eey” while he threw his hands in the air and dropped to the floor instead to make place after he pushed the chair to the other side of the room. The younger of the two closed his eyes, let the beat come to him instead of chasing after it, allowed it fill his body completely before he let it explode inside of him, making him move his arms and legs as the rush of being in his element overcame him. San shouted again, hyped him up and the applause that followed made Wooyoung dance faster, the room was spinning around him, but he was not lost - he was exactly where he was meant to be, as he kept the pace until the song ended. His breathing laboured and he combed back some hair that fell into his eyes before he opened them again. The older of the two was a meter from him, scooted down in a half sitting position at the same place, legs parted, so close that he almost touched Wooyoung. Eyes enticingly dark and tongue between his teeth when his mouth fell open at the way his friend looked back at him. His chest moved up and down in a pace that almost matched Wooyoung’s. Wooyoung wanted to say something. Wanted to defend the way his blood seemed to boil ever harder now than when he was dancing but it was as if all the blood had left his brain to stream down to his cock as San clenched his jaw, looked away, sighed and then motioned for the younger to get closer with a flick of his wrist, and Wooyoung obliged, because why wouldn’t he? It was as if electricity surged through them when their hands found each other, like so many times before. He dropped to his knees before San, moved as if on autopilot, straddled his hips like he’d done it a hundred times before. Except he hadn’t and the certain way that San looked up at him from underneath long lashes, The way his thighs clenched slightly when the younger scooted closer, The way his hands quickly settled on Wooyoung’s hips, pushing him down slightly on his crotch and the way his cheeks flushed... those soft pink lips parted - all of it made scared him out of his mind. But he couldn’t move away, didn’t want to move away as San brought his hand up to comb Wooyoung’s hair back out of his forehead again, the sweat in the roots of his baby hair made it stay like that and he gulped, hard. Felt how his friends cock grew harder under the swell of his ass in the jeans he wore. A gasp escaped his lips at the feeling, and it was as if the sound was painful to San because a small wrinkle appeared between his brows as his eyes became more and more hooded. San’s hand cupped Wooyoung’s face now and he was seconds from pressing his lips against the other when voices outside interrupted them, broke the magic and Wooyoung immediately jumped up after he realised how close he’d been to actually kiss his best friend. Fear overcame him again and he quickly straightened his clothes, gave San an apologizing look and turned on his heel before he rushed out the studio. Didn’t look behind him as he jogged all the way back to the dorm, the warm summer evening sun was just a thin line on the horizon as he unlocked the door to their dorm with shaking hands, slammed it shut behind him, shed his clothes as soon as he entered the bathroom and gasped loudly when the first drops of water hit his back like a whip. He looked down on his cock. Released what he’d been fighting for months upon months, to not cross that physical line that would change them, had happened anyway. The remembrance combined with Wooyoung’s vivid fantasy of what would most likely have happened if they wouldn’t have been interrupted made him squirm. He turned up the heat, when he realized that the cold water didn’t do anything to keep the memories from playing back in his head like a broken record on repeat. The feeling of San’s body underneath him. The way his muscles clenched from the feeling of Wooyoung’s on top of him. The way his cock had felt when it nudged against the younger’s ass. The fact that he’d been seconds away from kissing those perfectly curled lips that he’d dreamed of for so long. He felt the tears that had formed in his eyes fall down his cheeks. From disappointment. From guilt. From being so unbelievably disgusted with himself that he just wanted to hide from the whole world to the end of time. He shuddered as he reluctantly closed his hand around his cock, already leaking from pre-cum and dropped to his knees, face towards the ceiling as his other hand ghosted over his chest. One hand pumping himself as the other continued to travel, over his hip, his ass and he quickly spit in his hand as he choked on a breath when he imagined that the fingers that stroked his hole was San’s. His heart raced in his chest so hard he could hear the beats of it in his ears. He forced himself to relax, before he pushed one finger in, cried out softly as the feeling of being filled up made him shudder again. His breathing were strained, short breathy gasps escaped his throat and it didn’t take long until he fell backwards into the warm dark abyss that embraced him. Ribbons of hot white cum painted his chest and he moaned loudly, thankful that he was the only one at the dorm at the moment.

22:33

San cursed himself. Tears streamed down his face as he quickly followed in the steps of his best friend. A friend he had betrayed by acting upon his own insatiable lust. The shower was running when he entered the dorm and he paused just outside the door to the bathroom, trying to stabilise his hard breathing. He raised his hand and was just about to knock when a sudden noise made him waver. A… gasp? He swallowed and felt how the arousal he’d been pushing down for the last ten minutes came rushing back with the power of a collision. He stabilised himself with one hand on the doorpost, careful not to put any weight on the door itself and blow his cover as he leaned closer. Wooyoung was actually moaning. It was subtle but still clear as day and San cringed before submitting to his own need almost embarrassingly fast. Plunged his hand down his pants and underwear, eyes fluttered shut as he closed his hand around his cock. He imagined how Wooyoung would look, if he was in there with him. The way the water would run over his body, tracing over his nipples, over hard lean muscles and soft dark hair. How amazing he’d look with his cock in his hand, putting on a show for San, meeting his eyes behind wet eyelashes. Mouth open as the short whiny gasps he was hearing escaped his throat. How his own fingers would already pump in and out of him. San would even taste his lips, if his friend would allow him. Would treat him right in every way possible. Wooyoung would lead his hands, because San didn’t want to just take and claim the others lust. He’d love it if he could fuck him though. Real life San choked on his breath as imaginary him trapped Wooyoung against the wall, chest against chest, rose one leg over his hip and carefully, so carefully enter him, bottom out completely before letting his friend get used to the size. In the room behind the door, real life Wooyoung moaned loudly, and the out of breath gasping that followed directly afterwards sounded exactly like he used to sound after they’d been practising a particularly tough choreography. San came in his underwear so hard, his knees threatened to buckle underneath him. He cursed his life harder than he had ever done before.

09:43

Something changed between them after that. They still touched like they always do. Still sought the comfort with one another like always. Still touched and hugged and cuddled and placed small kisses on each other’s knuckles, under the ears and against collarbones when the feelings they have for each other was suffocating them. Still laughed and joked and played games. But something was still different. Something that broke Wooyoung’s heart in two as the days progressed. He watched as his friend danced and felt how his body itched to join him. Watched as he sang and felt how the sound was tugging on his heartstrings. Watched when San was occupied and doesn’t notice him staring. They were on tour from city to city again. Doing fan signs every other day. Participating in promotions, stage performances and radio. Travelled back to the US to open Kcon in New York and soon enough three weeks had passed since that time in the dancing studio and it was San’s birthday. Wooyoung woke up extra early, determined to not let the weird feeling between the two distract him from making the day a memorable experience. He placed out the ingredients on the counter, found the message on the recipe for seaweed soup he received from his mother the day before and got to working just as he hears how Seonghwa started to wake up in the room at the far back. “Good morning” He said, just as his hyung entered the kitchen with sleep drunken eyes, stumbled on his steps slightly as he inhaled the familiar scent with a thoughtful expression on his face. “For Sannie-ah?” Seonghwa asked and started making breakfast for himself and the other members. Wooyoung only nodded, mind focused hard on the recipe to make sure that he doesn’t miss a step. Yeosang joined them just a few minutes later, and then Mingi and Jongho. The soup was done the minute San stumbled out of his room, accompanied by Yunho and Wooyoung’s heart was ticking like a small bomb in his chest. It felt like he’d run a marathon when San looked into the pot with curious eyes before they meet his best friend and the younger swallowed hard. “Happy birthday” He said with a voice that only shook a little. The bright smile, the one with the dimples, scrunching nose and a wrinkle between his brows, made Wooyoung’s heart skip and San placed his arms around him in a heartbeat. Happiness was overflooding the others body and before he could stop himself, his lips were pressed against Wooyoung's cheek. It was just a light peck, done in the trance of excitement but Wooyoung couldn’t help but sigh softly of satisfaction. San, on the other hand, looked absolutely terrified at what he’d done, but his friend just shook his head and held him again, nuzzled his nose into the nape of the other’s neck.

20:21

“Youngie?” The whole day has passed and now they lay together in Wooyoung’s bed, watching a Netflix movie on San’s phone. Preferred the privacy to just be able to hold each other close without the other members in close proximity and if a small screen was what they had to sacrifice, then so be it. Wooyoung hummed lightly to show that he listened, and San took a deep breath, went over in his head how he could phrase what he was about to say in the smoothest way possible. Locked his phone to make Wooyoung look at him. “I know I said that I didn’t want any presents but…” He trailed off and met the youngers eyes from his position, with his head resting on his right arm and their faces barely two decimetres apart. Swallowed hard when Wooyoung looked at him with a distraught face when he mentioned a present. “I just have a favour. You don’t have to because, like I said. I don’t want any presents. I just thought since I literally have no one else to ask and you’re the one I’m closest to in the group so I feel most comfortable with you but like I said you really, really don't have to because it might change our friendship and that is the reason why I haven’t asked you earlier but now it’s my birthday an-” “Just say it” Wooyoung interrupted, a small smile tugged on his lips from the others rambling and San swallowed hard again, felt his heart thump hard in his chest. “Can you… I want you to…” He cleared his throat and closed his eyes for a second to collect some courage. “I… I’d like you to be my first kiss” He cringed at his own words as he stumbled over them. Heard how Wooyoung gasped slightly and his heart clenched at the sound as he opened his eyes again, met the younger’s eyes before he quickly looked away again. Neither of them moved a muscle for a few seconds and the more time that passed, the more anxious San became, the small ball of nervousness grew from a needle head to an overfilled balloon that threatened to explode in his stomach and finally he couldn’t take it anymore and just shook his head before he pulled up his phone and unlocked it with a sigh. “Sorry, I… forget what I said” He apologized and was just about to hit play again when Wooyoung placed his hand over San’s and lowered the phone again. They lock gaze. The younger’s eyes were like two brown tarns in the middle of an untouched forest. So dark that San wanted to drown in them. “I… I’d like that. You’d be my first as well” He finally answered, and San’s heart flipped like a small bird trapped in a cage. He turned his body towards his friend, placed his left arm around him so that his back covered what was about to happen to any unexpected viewers at the door. Fingers combed through Wooyoung’s black hair in the back of his head and they edged closer until their nose’s touches. Two eyes each blended into one because their sight couldn’t focus on such close proximity. They breathe the same air for a few seconds and San could feel how hard his friend’s heart is beating in his chest as they lie pressed from top to bottom. Wooyoung is the one that found the courage to close the last millimetres and their breath hitched when their lips finally, finally meet. A small gasp escaped the younger’s lips as the thing he’d been dreaming about finally happened and the sound of it makes his friend go into overdrive. The soft fingers that played with Wooyoung’s hair grabbed a hold of it instead, yanked on it softly, earning another gasp and San used it to his advantage to deepen the kiss. Cried out slightly from feeling the curve of his friend’s cupid bow against his own, the plumpness of his lips sloppily mirroring his movements. Spreading a wildfire that burned through every nerve in San’s body and he felt like his blood was boiling. His tongue sneaked out as he pressed closer to the other. Wooyoung tasted like chocolate frosting from the birthday cake they had earlier, and San was walking on clouds. Completely and utterly breathless and shuddering as he arched his body slightly to press a weak, uncertain thrust against the other, desperately craving more, more, more. Wooyoung choked on his breath, endorphins swarmed his head and made him dizzy on the high he received. San was warm in his arms as he presses a hand on his back, felt the trapezius muscle clench under the feeling of Wooyoung’s touch. He desperately wanted to throw his leg over the other’s hip. Wanted to press down on the half hard cock he felt was growing there but stopped himself before he did so. Knew that there was a time and place for everything and right now, with the members only a few meters away, his bedroom door open and without any rational thought whatsoever, any other time would be better. He was the one that parted them, and San whined and pouted when he did so, unhappy that the younger pulled away. He swallowed, looked at the other with hooded, drunk eyes and even though all he wanted was to taste those lips again, a rational part of his brain knows that Wooyoung is right to have stopped. Knew that there will be another time for them to give each other their all. San sighed, brushed his hands down his friends back and looked at Wooyoung like he hung his moon and all his stars, and the other looked back at him, a small smile on his lips as he tried to catch his breath. Softly combed back the older’s hair from his forehead with a gentle hand and San closed his eyes. Placed this memory in a box in the furthest part of his mind, knowing that this was the best birthday he has ever had.

17:18

“I love the way your hand fits in mine” San whispered and Wooyoung blushed as he looked down at their intertwined fingers. Felt how his heart fluttered hard in his chest and tried to stifle a big smile so he doesn’t feed the others ego too much. They’re in a hotel name both has forgotten the name off. Separated at first by the management but Wooyoung had begged Mingi to switch rooms with him as soon as they had received the keys. The look he’d given the two spoke of both disbelief and happiness. They laid in bed at the moment, cuddling, while watching a new drama on the tv. Bellies full of the late dinner. Hearts full of being so close to each other. Heads full of pink balls of soft cotton. Up in the clouds with the feelings they had for each other but neither wanted to say out loud, because they were scared that the other would reject them. Scared that they’d lose the friendship they had if they crossed that line. “Sannie-ah” He said, brushed his thumb over his friends knuckles and San hummed a little to show that he listened, while still watching the tv. “I…” He trailed off, knew what he wanted to say but still had to find the courage before he did so. “I don’t ever want you to leave me” They locked gaze. San’s brows were furrowed with confusion from the sudden statement and he shook his head. “I won’t” He promised and Wooyoung wet his lips before he cleared his throat. “Even if Ateez disbands tomorrow… will you stay with me?” The younger knew that it was a big question. Would understand it if San would say no. Except he doesn't. He just chuckled, squeezed Wooyoung’s hands before he planted a sweet kiss on the back of his hand. “My future has you in it, that’s the only thing I know for sure about anything at all. Everything that will follow is just a bonus” He gave his friend another smile and Wooyoung’s stomach did somersaults of happiness. He sighed, content and squeezed San’s hand when the latter places the next kiss on the crown of his head.

09:02

San’s body was on fire. Burned with every kiss Wooyoung placed on it. From his neck, down his shoulders, his collarbones, his naked chest, the clenched-up muscles on his stomach. He gasped out slightly when the youngers fingertips ghosted his sides, the touch tickled him slightly. “Sorry” Wooyoung whispered softly and San choked on his breath. “Don’t be” He pulled his friend up again just as Wooyoung placed the last kiss above the lining of his underwear. There was an insatiable hunger in him that couldn’t be satisfied, and his breath hitched once again as he pressed their lips together. The now familiar feeling of the other’s cupid bow over his own, the unbelievable softness of them - almost made San whimper, even though he’d been kissing those lips for almost a month now. It was addicting. The small noises his best friend did when San placed the next kiss underneath his jaw, trailing his lips over his neck and swallowed hard when the other’s cologne clouded his senses. The way Wooyoung pressed his naked chest against San. The way his breath hitched when San trailed his hands over his body. They’d been doing this for a while now, a few weeks. Just kissing. Indulging in the feeling of skin against skin. Mapping out every freckle on the others body. Every scar. Didn’t want to rush things, but rather just took it slow. In their own pace. Knew that there would be a time when they both felt like they had the time to properly treat each other right. The other members knew. But neither of them minded or seemed bothered at all when San randomly embraced Wooyoung and placed a small peck on his lips just before breakfast in their dorm a week ago. It all seemed like a dream, and San never wanted to wake up.

10:04

Weeks passed. So did the summer. It was still quite hot outside, enough to dress in jeans and a tee but it seemed like autumn was taking its first wobbly steps when the first few leaves started to fade in colour. They worked on their comeback, took one step at a time, just like the scenery outside. Had two weeks free from any sort of travelling at the beginning of September to just focus on the album, the music and choreo and used that time to perfect what they’d created. It was a challenge. This was their first full album and needless to say - the expectations were high. Wooyoung sighed and slumped over in the studio couch with a sullen pout on his lips. Put on his headphones, replayed his part of the song again and closed his eyes for a few seconds to listen without getting distracted by the gorgeous figure sitting on the couch next to him. He became more annoyed, something just didn’t sound right, replayed the same part again and let his gaze linger on his best friend instead. They had switched hair colours for the new concept, completely unintentional and the dark hair that now covered San’s forehead made him look more amazing than Wooyoung had ever seen him before. The long hair in the back of his neck was even more prominent now, and with that dash of blue the hairdressers added… “Do I have something on my face” San interrupted his thoughts and brushed over his lips and cheeks to make sure that it was crumble free of the small lunch they had earlier. “No… I…” Wooyoung removed the headphones and shook his head, a bit embarrassed that he was caught red handed. “You were staring at me” Something provocative shadowed the other’s face as he smirked, one eyebrow raised, and he licked his lower lip into his mouth and gave Wooyoung a look that made the younger’s knees feel weak and his pink blush to get even darker. “Wooyoungie” San purred softly and rose up from the couch to sit next to his friend instead. “No need to be shy” He assured and Wooyoung swallowed hard. Felt how he wanted to defend himself, but his thoughts were interrupted. San’s lips were on his before he even had the time to finish his train of thought and he immediately gasped with surprise to the feeling before he broke the kiss again. “What are you doing?” He whispered angrily. “What? San asked back, a wrinkle of confusion between his brows. “I only wanted to kiss you” He tried to explain, a small smile on his lips. Like he thought the other was just joking but Wooyoung just shook his head violently. “We can’t. Not here” The older of the two recoiled on himself with a surprised expression on his face and Wooyoung could see that he was hurt. “Why not? What difference does it make? People will know about us sooner or later, we will tell. Right?” San smiled softly but it quickly faltered when Wooyoung looked away, wet his lips nervously and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “Right? San pressed on and Wooyoung tilted his head and his mouth fell open to say something, anything, but no words came out. San raised his hands in a ‘what the hell’ motion and the soft smile changed into one of disbelief. “So what? Your plan was to just ignore me and only let me touch you like we’ve always done; the regular small skin ship we usually do? But I won’t be allowed to kiss you? To hold you like I do when we’re alone? You’re just going to just ignore us forever?” “I… I don’t know how to answer that” The younger answered quietly and felt how his heart hammered hard in his chest. It felt like he was going to get sick in his stomach when San quickly rose up from his place beside him as his expression changed from surprise to sorrow. “Have all of this just been a joke to you? Every kiss, every promise? You never wanted us to be real, not officially, did you?” San’s voice was awfully calm when he spoke and it hurt so bad it felt like Wooyoung’s heart split into countless tiny pieces, like glass breaking against a stone floor. The razor-sharp splinters gutted him, and he swallowed hard, barely allowed himself to take a deep breath in the tense air between them. He wanted San to be pissed off, to scream and shout because it would feel better to just get angry than to feel the guilt, he felt in his chest now. Everything they’d been doing so far had been amazing, unreal like a dazed pink dream. But Wooyoung knew that he had to wake up. Knew that even though he had all of these feelings inside of him, none of them could be realized, not in the way they both wanted. He swallowed hard, tried to get a hold of some sort of reason, some sort of explanation to make San feel better. Hated the way his friend looked at him right now. “We… we are real, Sannie. I just… we - we’re idols…” San shook his head in disbelief, tears in his eyes as he gave his friend one last glance before he turned on his heel. The door slammed shut after him and the demon, that voice, that Wooyoung had forced into a corner for the last few months returned with full power. Towered over him with oozing black smoke that entered his bloodstream and poisoned his mind. You’re not good enough. You’ll never be and now you just forced away the only person who could ever love you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

14:09

San was exhausted. He’d been crying for hours. Buried underneath his many plushies while holding onto Shiber. Legs raised up towards his chest as he curled onto himself with his back against the door so that no one could see the horrible state that he was in. Pressed his nose into the comforting fur of the plush dog and shook with quiet choked up sobs. Yunho had carefully asked him why he was crying. If he wanted to talk, ready to close their bedroom door if San wanted the privacy, but he’d just shook his head. He heard how Wooyoung came home, the walls shook when he slammed shut the bedroom door at the other end of the dorm and Seonghwa were quick on his steps after him, probably both to scold him for the door slamming and to ask if his fired up emotions were connected to San’s. He didn’t want to eat dinner - because he didn’t felt hungry at all. Didn’t want to join the other members when they sat down in front of the tv and watched the football game that he’d been looking forward to all week - because Wooyoung wouldn’t be there in his arms, watching it with him. Didn’t want the tea that Seonghwa offered him just before bedtime - because it was Wooyoung’s favourite and the smell of it and the thought of him made San's whole body ache. Didn’t want to sleep when Yunho, tall as he was, properly tucked him in and squeezed his arm with a small sigh before he placed the blanket over San - because he was lonely, without his best friend to hold. Didn’t want to eat breakfast when it was served in the morning - because he felt too sick to eat anything anyway. Didn’t want to join them for dance practise just before lunch but was forced anyway, and Hongjoong just placed a steady warm hand on his shoulder before he pushed him out of the room, he’d been camping in for the last 24 hours. He couldn’t meet Wooyoung’s eyes. He cried in the car as they drove to the company, silent tears wet his clasped hands as he looked out the window. Cried as they trained on their choreo, his breath hitching with every laboured sigh. Cried as his knees finally gave out from pushing himself too far and not breathing properly in the pauses of dancing. Cried when Wooyoung was the first to catch him before he fell to the floor. Cried as he held onto his friend, who smelled of soap and cologne and boy and everything San needed. Choked on his breath when Wooyoung gripped onto the collar of his shirt and pressed his lips upon San’s, mumbling a curse word over his lips at the other’s recklessness.

05:18

San was breathing softly beside him and Wooyoung couldn’t help but watch. They had started to watch a movie way too late yesterday and must’ve accidentally fell asleep on the couch. It was early, the autumn sun barely up and the other members still snored, a mumble in their sleep here and there while completely unconscious to the world. Wooyoung was pressed against the backrest, with his hand on San’s back to keep him from falling down the edge. They lay face to face, legs tangled and Wooyoung sighed deeply and couldn’t help but smile at the vision in front of him. San’s lips were slightly parted and soft snores erupted from his throat but Wooyoung still thought he looked like an angel. The soft glow from the lamp in the window illuminated his features and send a shadow over his eyes that made his eyelashes look longer than they really were. If Wooyoung would be immortal and have all the time in the world, he’d probably watch his friend for hours, but he could already feel his stomach grumble for food. He reached out and moved a lock of hair that had fallen over the other’s eyes with the intent to wake him up. But San just groaned in his sleep, pouted and whispered an incoherent wish that whoever was touching him would stop. The younger smiled and felt how his heart skipped slightly as he edged closer until he pressed their foreheads together and placed a small peck on his friend’s lips. Brushed his nose against San’s in a sweet Inuit kiss. “Sannie-ah” Wooyoung said softly and the older groaned slightly again, pushed the leg that was already between Wooyoung’s, higher and sneaked his arm around him tighter. Flushing their bodies together from head to toe before he stretched out like a cat. “Wooyoungie” He hummed happily and returned the Inuit kiss before he pecked the younger’s lips and inhaled deeply while he indulged in feeling their bodies so close. It took another fifteen minutes before San opened his eyes. Wooyoung had raised himself up slightly and started the tv again, since he’d gotten bored but didn’t want to leave the comfortable place stuck between the backrest and his friend’s sleepy warm body, the hunger in his stomach be damned. “Morning” The older said and squinted slightly from the sudden brightness, burrowed his face in Wooyoung’s chest, rubbed his face there and sighed happily before he looked up again. “Did you really just rub the sleep out of your face on my shirt instead of using your hands?” Wooyoung asked, a smile tugging on his lips. “Maybe I did, whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?” San mumbled and stuck his tongue out. The younger couldn’t help but smile back when the dimples in San’s cheeks made an appearance. A smile that turned into a soft sigh as his friend reached out to comb back the hair that covered the younger's forehead.

12:15

“I’m sorry” It was a whisper, but San still picked up on it. That and the hidden sadness in Wooyoung’s voice as he sat down opposite side of him at the kitchen table. “Why?” The older of the two asked and a puzzled wrinkle appeared between his brows as he shoved another full spoon of food into his mouth. A bit unsure of whatever it was that made Wooyoung squirm uncomfortably in his seat to the question. “The other day. I… I never meant for you to…  I- I mean… I never wanted… “ He cleared his throat and San swallowed and waited, uneasy and hesitant of what Wooyoung wanted to say. “I’ve been thinking and… If you want us to… then I want us to be together in every way possible as well. I want us to be official. The first openly gay relationship in the history of kpop. That would certainly create some headlines, wouldn’t it?” Wooyoung chuckled nervously. Awkwardly scratched the back of his head while he avoided his friends gaze. Drummed his fingers against the table. San cringed slightly and reached out to stop the fidgety hand. Traced the soft lines of veins on the back of it, interlaced their fingers and met his friend’s eyes just as they travelled up from the place where their bodies connected. “No, I’m sorry. I was the one who didn’t think” San sighed heavily and pursed his lips. Tried to place the thoughts running in his mind in order before he let them escape his mouth. “We are idols. Still rookies, but with more eyes on us now than ever before and I understand that you’re afraid. I really am too. It was harsh of me to react the way I did. I just…” He groaned slightly, rubbed the hand that wasn’t occupied, down his face to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to say. “I just… I was so, so afraid that I would lose you” He swallowed hard. Felt how Wooyoung stroked his thumb with a reassuring motion. “I want to scream from the highest mountain top that you belong to me and me alone. I want everyone to know that I…” He paused, looked away and felt how his cheeks flushed red. “And when you said that you wanted to hide our relationship from the world. A sick and twisted part of me was convinced that you never… that you never…” “I do”   Wooyoung smiled softly and squeezed his best friend’s hand. The three burning words left unsaid between them.

23:43

“Hyung?” Wooyoung jumped up on the bed San was resting on, scooted up so that he sat between San’s legs and the older of the two looked up from the book he was reading. They were in a hotel room, sleepy and fatigued after arriving to Thailand just an hour ago. They were lucky. The two of them had gotten a room together since they were going to do an appearance on Twitter blue room the next day. “Hyung?” San asked back and closed the book, suddenly intrigued by the sudden honorific that Wooyoung hadn’t used since… well since they first met. “Why?” San continued and Wooyoung nervously licked his bottom lip into his mouth. “I wanted to ask you something and thought… well… I thought I’d be polite about it” He answered and San curiously flicked his head to the side. A small smile tugged on his lips as he placed the book on the bedside table, sat up more comfortably against the pillows piled up under his shoulders, clasped his hands to rest over his stomach and watched his friend with a look that made Wooyoung breathless. A small pause silenced the two busy minds as the younger of the two just sat there, with his hands resting on his folded knees, still placed between San’s, who leaned back, waiting. “I… I need… you” Wooyoung mumbled under his breath, met his friend’s eyes but quickly looked away again. A precious pink flushed his cheeks and San’s heart flipped hard in his chest. “You…?” He asked, the question trailed off as if he was unsure if he’d heard correctly. “I want you so bad it hurts. I can’t take any more of this… just kissing and holding each other… I…” Wooyoung got quiet again, anxiously chewed on his inner cheek when he realized he’d been rambling and sighed deeply, like he’d held his breath for a long time. “I… uh…” San was completely stumped. How was he supposed to answer that? Should he even say anything at all? Wooyoung sighed heavily, muttered a curse under his breath and closed the distance between them with one sharp movement. San flinched slightly, fully prepared to get bruised but the younger caught himself in the movement, cupped the other’s face softly and when their lips met, time seemed to travel in slow motion. The younger tasted off sweet iced tea and San melted to putty in his arms, sighed as euphoria exploded in his heart before the feeling spread throughout his body. He fell back against the pillows completely and placed his hands on his friend, pulling him down with him. Wooyoung. The weight of his body, strong and lean from years of dancing, felt like heaven upon San’s own and he felt his breath hitch as the younger deepened the kiss, drank the taste of him, the smell, the feeling and San never wanted it to stop. His head was swarming and the white noise that rang in his ears, like the buzz of a whole colony of angry bees, made him deaf to anything else than the sound of moans swallowed by wet sloppy kisses and the sweet gasp of surprise that fell from Wooyoung’s lips when the older pressed his growing boner on his thigh. The way his body screamed for more and more and more and that insatiable hunger that Wooyoung lit in his body made him crazy with overwhelming feelings. The way his arousal hammered hard in his body. The rustling sound of fabric as they quickly shed their clothes. The hushed groan that fell from the youngers lips as San placed his hands on his naked chest. Placed his next kiss on the mole in the corner of Wooyoung’s lips, kissed the one underneath his left eye. Trailed his lips under his jaw, down the side of throat and got drunk on the way the younger moaned when he nibbled on the soft skin over the large carotid artery on the side of his neck. The sharp inhales of breath, as if the two of them forgot that oxygen was needed when they finally lay completely skin to skin. San flipped them over, and gasp escaped his mouth when the dream he’s had for so, so long now finally became realized. His friend was on display for him. Legs parted, so San could sit in between them, fingers combed through the blonde messy hair off his, chest heaving with each shaky breath and San choked on his breath again, it was inevitable, when his eyes stopped at the leaking hard cock, blood red and twitching, turned towards the other’s belly button and Wooyoung almost whimpered as his hands fiddle with the sheets at the sides to stop himself from reaching down. “You’re beautiful” San could feel his heartbeat in his ears and tears in his eyes - from arousal, from the fact that he’s so unbelievable turned on that it was on the verge of being embarrassing… From the sight in front of him. Wooyoung looked away. Nervously bit down on his lip and time pauses between them again, because neither knows what to do now. Doesn’t know how to take the next step, where should they stop? Wait… Did they really want to stop? Was San literally going to have his wettest dream ever turn reality just before midnight in a hotel the day before they’re going to do a big event? Wooyoung beat him to it, like he usually did, and San could only choke on a groan when his friend reached out and closed a secure hand over the length of his cock. “You’re overthinking too much, babe” Wooyoung whispered and placed a warm hand on the back of San’s head to bring him down before their lips met again. San saw stars in the darkness behind closed eyelids.

15:15

They changed after that one time. Like that last paper-thin invisible wall between them was finally torn apart. The comeback rolled around with the new album. Promotions, stages and travelling filled their days, causing sleepless nights and days that never seemed to end. Wooyoung rubbed the bridge of his nose and leaned back against the wall of the waiting room they’d been placed in. They were minutes from entering the small radio studio. One member short, three of them sick with a cold and Wooyoung just wanted to go home. Home to the security and familiarity of their dorm. Home to the place where he didn't have to think about how he looked or how his voice would turn out when he sang. Home where he could catch San in his arms and plant a kiss on his lips as they passed each other in the corridor that connected their rooms. Home where he could kiss those lips as much, and for as long as he wanted. Don’t misunderstand. He loved what he was doing, what they as a unit, had created… but this comeback in particular had been tough on all of them and he longed from a small break when he could do something he wanted to do for a chance. “Everything ok?” He flinched when the deep voice whispered in his ear, the hair on his neck standing when a figure came to stand right next to him. He turned, heart in his throat and immediately reached out to slap the arm of the person who now stood doubled over and laughing so hard Wooyoung thought a lung would burst. “You should’ve seen your face” San’s breath hitched from the lack of breath when he talked and he inhaled deeply, tried to collect himself, even closed his eyes for a few seconds to calm himself down but still only managed to hold the serious face he put on for two seconds until he started laughing again. Wooyoung wasn’t laughing. He just shook his head, like he couldn’t believe his friend and sighed deeply. Knew that he should be angry, because it wasn’t funny - but the dimples in San’s face and the way that he was still laughing at the prank he just pulled, made the corners of his lips twitch slightly as he tried to hold his composed posture. “Sorry darling” San whispered and placed his hand on Wooyoung’s shoulder to hold himself upright. Wooyoung shook his head again, swept the area with his eyes to make sure that they were alone before he cupped his friends face and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, taking away both the other’s laughter and his ability to breathe.

13:19

Fans noticed the change in their relationship as well. The feeds of their ship name exploded with every fan sign and the numbers of photos and videos raised on every possible platform. San didn’t know if he should be happy and proud that they had such talented and bright fans or worried because of that same reason. There hadn’t been any speculations that their relationship was real in any sort of way and management had been quiet so far. San hoped that they didn’t know, or at least that they didn’t care as long as the two of them kept what they did behind closed doors. The sort of industry they were in was a whole can of worms none of them (not San, not Wooyoung and certainly not management) wanted to open. The controversies of openly gay people in Korea was a heated subject and San cringed with uncomfortableness when he thought about it. It wasn’t forbidden, but they were a population driven by tradition and strict unspoken rules and while the “nuclear family” concept was a major part of that, anything that diverted from that perfect ideal was something no one wanted to have anything to deal with. Not San, who couldn’t imagine that he’d ever fit in with that concept. Not Wooyoung, who had way too much on his mind to even consider wanting a family, ever - both of them rather marrying the music, the art of dance, of expression, of freedom and colour and nature. Both of them rather marrying each other. But both of them also knew that it was still a dream to imagine something that big.

21:00

The 24th of October marked their first anniversary and Wooyoung had been fiddly all day. He couldn’t sit still. Couldn’t focus. Was so nervous he could feel his legs shake when they finally walked up on stage, singing the song that set the mark for them as a group and as a family almost a year and a half ago. They talked, cried, thanked everyone for coming, thanked the people who watched the livestream, performed and laughed and Wooyoung held his members tight when they did a group hug as soon as they had exited the stage. Held onto each other for a bit longer than necessary, breathing as a unit for a minute or two. Thankful that he had the fortune to share everything- this moment, with the people he loved. He looked over at San, his heart aching as the older of the two smiled through the tears that still streamed down his cheeks. Thankful that he found someone he considered his soulmate. Someone he never expected to meet at the age he was, in the industry he was working in, doing what he did for a living. Thankful that he could spend every waking minute watching his friend and every sleeping, being right there next to him. Never too far away and always keeping one eye on each other when they were apart. Never too far away to not be able to close the distance between them again. Thankful for the way that his best friend - his love, embraced him again when they were alone, after staff and the rest of the group made themselves ready to go back to the dorm. Hungry hands grabbing at his clothes, as if the action would force him closer. Thankful for the way that San’s lips moulded upon his own after they locked themselves into a bathroom a few doors down. The way the edge of the sink dug into the small of Wooyoung’s back when he was pressed into it by his friend’s body. The way San’s cock quickly got harder and harder against his thigh as the kisses got more and more urgent, more insistent, more voracious. Wooyoung whimpered against the others collarbone and the deep growl that escaped San’s throat made him weak in the knees. It was sloppy, wet and Wooyoung never wanted the high that flooded through his body and rushing through his bloodstream, to stop. San grabbed his hand, needy and demanding, and placed his open palm between his legs and the younger’s breath hitched when he felt the hardness there. A wave of confidence washed over Wooyoung as he unbuttoned the other’s pants, pulled down the zipper in one fast movement and San shuddered against him as his friend closed his hand around his cock. San wasn’t slow with mirroring the motion and Wooyoung melted to putty as his knees almost went out. Fell forward slightly with a breathless gasp and rested his forehead on San’s shoulder, watching as his best friend jerked him off too. Both thinking the same thing as their other hands sneaked around each other’s waist. San’s lips tasted sugary sweet of the cake they ate earlier, and Wooyoung was in heaven, he was sure of it. The intoxicating feeling of release was upon them faster than they both wanted but neither could hold back, neither wanted to hold back. San was the one that fell first, gasping back a rumbling moan between Wooyoung’s lips, and the younger’s breath hitched as cum splattered over his clasped hands. The older let him go, temporarily, placed his hand over his friend’s and the hand, wet with cum now, that closed around Wooyoung again made him quiver and a small whine slipped between his lips. He leaned back against the mirror, gasped when San placed soft nibbles underneath his collarbone, where a shirt would easily hide the marks later. “Fuck, you’re so amazing Woo, so fucking gorgeous” San’s voice was hushed against his ear and exactly what he needed as he came so hard his knees trembled. Coating his best friend’s hand completely and San’s breath hitched as he did so, almost amazed like he couldn’t believe that this is reality and honestly, neither could Wooyoung himself. So drunk on the high from the orgasm and the love he could feel, radiating from the other that nothing else mattered. Not the fact that they had no idea how to escape the building in the state they were in without causing a scandal or the fact that their leader was angrily knocking on the bathroom door, telling them with an annoyed voice that he would never treat them for dinner ever again if they didn't hurry the fuck up. A threat that Wooyoung took very seriously, but not serious enough that he didn’t take thirty more seconds of placing another sweet kiss on his love’s lips and chuckled slightly at the mess they’d created before he reached for the paper towels behind him.

11:43

“I could stare at your eyes forever” Wooyoung said, clutched at San’s side as they rested on the couch at the dorm. The tv was on, but none of them were really watching. San was studying English, or at least he’d tried to until his best friend laid down next to him, even though it was clearly next to no place left for him and scooted San closer to the backrest before he placed his arm over his friend’s midriff. The older of the two had grumbled slightly since he was put in an uncomfortable position and Seonghwa, who’d been on the other side of the couch sighed deeply as he looked over at the two snuggling men and muttered something incoherent under his breath before he rose up from his place. His steps trailing off to Wooyoung and Yeosang’s shared bedroom instead. “First off, that’s a lie and secondly cheesy as fuck” San answered what Wooyoung just said but didn’t look up from the pages he read as he talked. Glasses adorned his face and Wooyoung pouted slightly as he nuzzled his nose onto the other’s neck and earned a startled gasp when he did so. San gave the younger a look of warning, brows furrowed and eyes into squinting crescents and Wooyoung knew that he tried to look pissed off at his actions but nothing he’d ever done so far had angered the other. “Why is it a lie?” Wooyoung asked instead and puffed out his chest a little. Ready to defend his honour. “Forever is a really long time, Youngie. You can barely sit still for more than two minutes, so you can’t really expect me to believe that you’d spend so much time just staring at my eyes” The younger of the two stuck his tongue out, the desire to defend his honour falling flat as he wasn’t really one willing to fight against a good argument. San chuckled softly under his breath and turned the page to the next lesson. A few minutes passed. San read the words out loud and Wooyoung mimicked the way he spoke silently to himself. Tried to copy the way his friend pronounced the difficult sentences, but without success. A minute more passed and Wooyoung was getting bored. He rubbed his face against the others shoulder. Closed his eyes and inhaled the familiar, safe smell that filled his senses and calmed his busy mind. “Sannie-ah” He said suddenly when San had turned another page. The older hummed in response, still not looking at his friend. “You can either choose to spend time with me, or you can choose to spend time with me. Those are your options” He said in a sugary sweet voice while fluttering his eyelashes and San shook his head in disbelief and tried to hold back a laughter. “What about the third option?” San asked and finally met Wooyoung’s eyes. “What?” The younger asked and looked back at him, puzzled. “You find someone else to bother and I can finish studying. We need someone else than hyung to rely on when we go abroad” Wooyoung pouted. Looked away as he felt his cheeks flush. Knew that it was selfish of him to crave so much attention when his friend was clearly trying to improve the way the group was perceived. “Maybe you need a little break? I can… I can…” Wooyoung started and glanced behind him towards the kitchen. “I can uh, make you something to eat. Bake some cookies or something” San met the other’s eyes. Wooyoung’s face was still slightly flushed a light pink, brown eyes pleading for some sort of attention. San sighed, knew in his heart that maybe he’d been a bit harsh with his words. He knew how his friend worked by now after all. Knew that he only craved that necessary human contact a bit more than your average person. And who was San to reject him that? He placed the book at the floor below them, placed his hand on the youngers thigh to pull it over his waist and met his friend’s surprised eyes again. Those eyes that darkened so incredibly fast San could feel his heart flip hard in his chest. He placed his hands on the others waist and (with some help) hoisted him up so that Wooyoung sat straddled over his waist. “What if I wanted you? You’re sweet enough to eat” San whispered and winked as the colour of Wooyoung’s face got darker. His fingers rid up the younger’s shirt slightly and Wooyoung gasped slightly with surprise as San placed his hands on the naked skin over his hips instead. Wooyoung’s hands splayed over his friend’s chest and he could already feel his arousal rushing through his body like a rapid fire. He was just about to lean down and catch San’s lips when a surprised shriek made them both flinch with surprise. “The living room too? My god, I knew it was a mistake to agree to live like this. What even did I expect with eight horny guys within 200 square meters? My eyes, my virgin eyes” Jongho’s complaining voice trailed off as he quickly fled the scene and locked himself in his room. The couple on the couch locked eyes and busted out in a laughing fit, thinking that maybe, just maybe, they should go into the private of one of their own rooms instead as well before things started to escalate even more.

20:09

Sometimes Wooyoung was unsure if he could trust his heart at all. He knew that he, his heart, soul, mind and body that is, had made a right choice. About the career he’d chosen, about the group he’d been paired up with, about the decisions he made in everyday life. About the fact that he loved Choi San. But that was still something entirely else. Something consuming, suffocating, amazing and enticing. To know that every look, every smile, every laugh, every snap of those hips of his when he danced, were all Wooyoung’s. No one else. They could imagine. Could fantasise. But it was Wooyoung’s bed that San chose to crawl into when he felt lonely. Wooyoung’s body he pressed against the wall of a bathroom stall when they had been without close body contact for too long. Wooyoung’s voice that he silenced with one hand over his mouth as his other closed around the younger’s hard cock. Wooyoung’s cum he smeared over his bottom lip as his friend came down his throat. San was his and he was San’s. That was just the way it was. And it scared him. It scared him that all the love he felt for the other could never be out in the open. That it would only take one photographer in the wrong place for everything to go to hell. That the pure fact that they were both men was the main reason why his heart flipped with anxiousness every time San closed in on the safe distance, they always put between them when they were in public places. That he didn’t know if a magazine would predict his sexuality, or San’s, and put it on the front page before he’d even figured it out himself. It scared him so much that he was unsure if he could trust his heart at all. Because everything else, his mind, the logic part of his brain, told him to quit doing what he was doing. To quit acting like an idiot. To just wake up from the pink coloured shimmer that clouded his senses whenever he was with his best friend. “What are you thinking about?” But then that voice interrupted his anxious mind. “You looked so lost, Woo” Those arms wrapped around his body. “Sorry for bothering your train of thought, I just needed to…” Those lips were upon his. And he was home, wondering why he ever doubted himself.

08:09

Rain was smattering on the windows of their dorm when the question first arose. “Sannie-ah?” Wooyoung asked, just before breakfast and still sleepily cuddling his friend. They had a lazy day, with only dance practise and a meeting later in the afternoon planned. San hummed in response; eyes still closed as he nuzzled his nose into the younger’s pillow. The bottom mattress of the bunk beds were empty. Yeosang had fled the room muttering something about five years of friendship and how he has never felt so betrayed in his entire life when Wooyoung had entered their bedroom with his arm looped with San’s late in the evening yesterday.   Loudly complaining to Yunho when he’d climbed into San’s empty bed a few doors down. “I uh… I was wondering if… if you wanted to… I- I mean… if you think that we are ready… because it’s totally ok if you don’t...” Wooyoung trailed off and San opened his eyes, curious as to why his friend seemed to have such a problem asking whatever it were, he wanted to ask. The younger looked away, blushing and quickly rolled around in the bed, so that his back was turned towards San instead. The older of the two raised himself up on his elbow and scooted closer, so that his frame was pressed onto Wooyoung’s back before he leaned over his friend. “What?” He asked and Wooyoung exhaled sharply, frustratedly at the heavy words he wanted to say. “Nevermind” He muttered and even though San wanted to press on, he decided to just leave it. Guessing that the question would probably rise up again if it was important. The next time it happened, it was the same afternoon. They were the last ones in the dance studio. Goofed around to the music that played loudly. Came up with new twists of their choreography. Set a random list on shuffle and competed who’d remember the dance to it first. Laughed loudly whenever the other messed up. The song switched. San could see how Wooyoung’s face fell in the mirror in front of them when the notorious song “The Eve” started to play. He just gave the other a smirk just as the chorus started and delivered the fatal blow in the choreo that made Wooyoung’s eyes so dark San thought he’d drown in them. The younger’s lips were on his within two seconds and San yelped in surprise when the tackle almost made them both fall over. It was hurried, close to painful as teeth almost clashed and noses brushed, but the older quickly placed his arms around his friend, pulling him in closer with a tilt of his head. A familiar fire lit in his body and he was gasping for air within seconds, feeling like he was drowning but welcomed the feeling - leaned into it and groaned with disappointment when Wooyoung suddenly took a step back, out of San’s arms and broke them apart. “We should fuck” Time seemed to freeze around them as soon as the words fell from Wooyoung’s lips and San had to take a few seconds, still a bit lightheaded from the kiss, while his brain was processing what just happened before he could react. He chuckled slightly, with a voice that seemed to think that his friend was joking. “What, like right here?” He asked, brows raised as he nodded towards the dirty dance floor and Wooyoung inhaled sharply, his chest shaking slightly while he did so. But he didn’t break out in a smile and San’s face fell. He fiddled with his shirt as he realized the situation. Opened his mouth to try and explain himself but Wooyoung interrupted. “I know that you’re just joking but yes, right here, if you want to. I don’t care anymore. I’m so sick and tired of waiting for the perfect time. I just want you to fuck me for so good, for so long that the only thing in my mind will be your hands on my body and the way you’ll sound when you’re inside of me” Wooyoung was breathless, almost gasping for air. The words he’d just said left him shocked and he could feel how his whole body flushed red when San’s mouth fell open. “I…” The older tried his hardest to form a sentence or even just a few words, any sort of words that would make sense. A few seconds passed. Neither of them moved a muscle. “I… won’t fuck you right here and now. I’ll treat you good. On a bed. With candles. All of that good stuff” San finally said and chewed on the inside of his cheek as his heart thumped in his chest and his stomach did somersaults. Wooyoung nodded slowly, knowing that for their own sakes, the floor of the dance studio was probably not the best place to get down on. A chuckle escaped San’s mouth as he pulled in the younger for a soft hug.

16:34

It was fifteen days before Wooyoung’s birthday. They had a fan sign in Suwon that day and nothing planned the day after. It took some negotiation and a few days of consideration and planning, but management finally agreed to let them spend the night alone in a nice hotel, even though the town they were going to be in was only 30 kilometres from Seoul. On two conditions that was - one; they had to pay everything out of their own pockets, food, the room, anything else that they wanted and two; three staff members would come with, to make sure that they weren’t going to get ambushed in case someone would recognise them.   So here they were. After the fan sign was over and the other members gave them all too knowing smirks and did suggestive hand gestures that quickly made their manager close the car door in case a photographer would be within distance. Wooyoung thought his heart would jump out of his chest when their manager held out their room key, gave them a sharp look and for a second they both feared that the furrowed brows was out of disappointment. “Boys. We know. We all know. Some disapprove but most of us are happy. We just want you to be careful” They both nodded, felt how the anxiousness in their bodies eased off and their manager just gave them a swift nod before he turned around to enter a room a few doors down. It was still only afternoon so they both decided to get something to eat. Watched some tv, played some games and tried to act normal. But there was a tense feeling in the air. Something that neither could shake off. They watched the sunset, fingers laced together and it almost felt like they were going to perform a ritual when Wooyoung closed the balcony door after them, moved the curtains to cover the windows and turned around just in time to see how San grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He wet his lips, feeling nervous all of a sudden and not at all as pushy he’d been when he first requested that they’d sleep together. “We’re really doing this, huh?” He asked as San closed the distance between them with two quick steps. “We’re really doing this” His friend whispered back with a short nod and Wooyoung could see how his Adam’s apple bopped when he swallowed hard. The older looked up, unsure if he should proceed and Wooyoung nodded slightly, closed the last step between their bodies and grabbed the other’s hands before he put them on his hips. Felt how his heart raced in his chest when San’s warm hands sneaked under his shirt, grabbed the hem of it and pulled it over his head as well. Wooyoung bit his lip. He’d seen the other like this so many times, he thought he’d be used to it by now. But it still took his breath away. The way his friend was sculpted. The way those jeans he was wearing hugged his hips and legs. The way he took a shaky inhale of breath when Wooyoung admired his beauty. San blushed, looked away as the younger placed his hands on his thin waist, thumbs rubbing down the v shape of his hip bones. “I still can’t believe it” Wooyoung whispered, the disbelief mirrored in his voice as San locked his arms around his waist. “What?” The older asked, and Wooyoung shuddered slightly from the feeling of his hot breath on his face. “I can’t believe that you want me back. That the dream I’ve had for so long, long before I met you - to feel what I feel right now…” He looked up and met the other’s gaze, breath hitching as brown met brown and that gentle smile San only showed for him tore at the strings of his heart. He swallowed and sighed deeply, returned the smile and fought the emotions that bubbled in his chest and strained at his throat. “I couldn’t have said it better myself” San answered softly. His hands travelled up the younger’s chest and Wooyoung closed his eyes when he felt his friend cup his face. It started off as a gentle peck. Just lips pressed against each other. Over and over as their bodies flushed just as close. Belt buckles clanging against each other. The younger’s hands buried themselves in San’s hair. Tugged on the lighter shade that brushed against his neck while his friend’s hands travelled up his back, fingertips almost harshly caressed over the skin with a silent request, a need for more. San took a step back and Wooyoung followed, until the older’s legs hit the bed and they fell backwards in a surprisingly controlled fashion. San on his back now, with Wooyoung half draped over him. They separated, just for a second to snort out a small laugh at their own clumsiness before the younger moved to straddle his friend’s hips and the funny feeling that had paused their moment was blown away. San swallowed hard and his hands came to rest on the younger’s hips again. “I need you” Wooyoung whispered, out of breath and with a stomach that flipped nervously. Like the tiny butterflies that occupied it was fluttering upwards, making him choke on the feeling of his friend’s hard body between his legs. San gave him an almost pained expression, a wrinkle between his brows as his right hand came to rest on his friend’s cheek. Wooyoung closed his eyes again, inhaled deeply as he leaned into the soft touch. When their lips meet again, it was sweet. Gentle. But with an underlying craving, a greedy need for more. Delicate. But with a sense of immediate warmth as they pressed harder against each other. Like that invisible string that connected their bodies got shorter and shorter. Like the affection, the feeling of furious desire and agony that has been building up for so, so long was finally getting released into the air around them. Capsulated them in a time that seemed to slow down as they moved against each other. Coating their senses and sending the hormones that already covered their every action like a fine dust, into overdrive. The feeling spread through Wooyoung’s entire body and he could feel his heart sing with bliss. He arched his back, pressed down on the other, his appetite, the longing he felt simmering in his stomach grew in size with every short gasp of air he could manage to fit in between their lips. Craved more of the feeling that San painted him with, as he deepened the kiss with a small tilt of his head and coaxed Wooyoung’s lips open with a small push of the tip of his tongue. Craved more as the other tasted his lips with a flick of that wicked tongue and Wooyoung’s breath hitched as the ability to gain oxygen to seemed to disappear. His hands get tangled in San’s hair and he pulls on it hard, earning a low, dangerous groan from the other. San’s hands are on him, brushing down his chest, slipping his fingers under the edge of his pants. Pulling desperately on his belt buckle. Jolting Wooyoung’s entire body in the process as he almost violently unhooks it, barely letting the younger catch his breath before he undoes the button and pulled down the zipper in one swift moment. Wooyoung gasps again, lightheaded from the lack of oxygen and the other’s hands on his naked skin. He breaks away from the kiss quickly and raised himself up slightly to pull down the jeans over his thighs. San’s hands leave him for just a few seconds, to take off his own pants and when they finally just had that one last layer of clothing separating them, their eyes met again, and San watched him with that look. The one that made Wooyoung feel like he wanted to cry. Because everything he ever wanted, except for his dream to sing and dance until people would forget his name, was right here, right now. Breathing just as heavily as he was himself. “Can I…?” San asked, his voice broke slightly in the process as he taps on Wooyoung’s hips. The younger doesn’t answer. He don’t have to. They change position and Wooyoung can feel how nervous he really was when he slowly separate his legs. They had seen each other naked before. When taking a shower or nowadays, when they quickly mutually masturbated or just laid skin to skin because it was what they craved, what they needed, at the moment. He choked on his breath as San hooked his fingertips onto the edge and pulled down that final layer of clothes. Screwed his eyes shut as the other inhaled sharply when his cock sprung free, already rock hard and even though Wooyoung couldn't see, he could feel that the tip pressed onto the skin of his lower stomach. San groaned. Cursed under his breath. The younger carefully opened his eyes. Wet his lips and bit hard onto the lower one to keep a moan from slipping out between his lips as he watched his friend. Met those blown out dark eyes. A strand of hair fell over San’s eyes as he tilted his head to the side, as if he wanted to make sure that the vision in front of him was real by seeing it in another angle. A shaky breath shook his chest. “Come here” Wooyoung whispered and made grabby motions with his hands. He didn’t have to ask twice, and San smiled into the kiss as their lips met again. Smiled as Wooyoung’s breath hitched when he snapped his hips forward and thrusted his still clothed cock against the swell of the younger’s ass. San’s kisses travelled, down from the corner of Wooyoung’s lips, to his jaw. Placed sweet burning nibbles down his throat. Wooyoung’s blood was boiling and every quick heartbeat pumped it through his body until it felt like white hot flames licked at every millimetre of him. He couldn’t help but move, desperately craving some sort of release. Cock twitching against the older one’s lower stomach as they lay flush against each other and San swallowed hard from the feeling. Looked up from his position as his lips hovered over a hard, dark nipple and met the other’s eyes before he pressed a flat tongue over it, played with the bud and revelled in the gasp that fell from Wooyoung’s lips. Turned to the other while his hands stroked down the younger’s sides, hands splayed over the ribcage and another short gasp fell from Wooyoung’s lips as the possessive behaviour the other displayed made him immediately submit to the fire that burned as relentless fingertips bruised the thin skin across the bones that hid his vitals. Scorching kisses continued down his midriff, his belly and he choked on his breath again, hands twisting the sheet underneath him when San looked up at him again. Breath ghosting the tip of his cock and the younger trembled. Tried his hardest not to thrust up against the plump soft lips of the other. “Please, I… I need” Wooyoung could hear his voice break as he plead for the release that pricked his skin and left him breathless. A wrinkle appeared as the older raised his brows and a dangerous smirk took over that sinful mouth and Wooyoung suddenly understood what all the fans were talking about when they said that San looked possessed on stage, because that was exactly what he looked like now. With those eyes hooded into two crescents and it felt like Wooyoung looked directly into a solar eclipse because of how dark they were. He chewed on his cheek when the other opened his mouth, hands locked over Wooyoung’s hip bones to trap him against the bed as his tongue sneaked out to kitten lick at the beads of pre-cum that escaped the tip and stars exploded in the darkness behind the younger’s closed eyelids. A drawn-out curse fell from his mouth and he could almost hear how San chuckled before he repeated the action. Softly caressed the other's hipbones with his thumbs. “Look at me Woo” The older’s voice was so deep, so unlike the one he usually spoke with that Wooyoung wondered for a split second if his lover and best friend actually had been replaced with a demon at some time during their session. He reluctantly opened his eyes again, met the other’s eyes and could only whimper when those soft lips of the other’s closed around the head of his cock. “Hyung” The honorific fell from his lips before he could stop them and he swallowed hard when San met his eyes again, surprised, just as he hollowed his cheeks and took him even deeper. The wildfire, so bright and burning, both in San’s eyes and the feeling that exploded in the pit of his stomach made younger’s breath hitch again, and it felt like he was completely and uncompromising engulfed within the flames. His cock hit the back of other’s throat and San choked around him slightly, not used to the feeling as he focused on taking deep calming breaths through his nose. Wooyoung was moaning mess. Body desperately trashing as the muscles in his stomach constricted from the feeling of the other swallowing him down. The tight space that enveloped his cock made him gasp for air, but San held him still. Kept him from thrusting up in his mouth even further as he bobbed his head in his own pace. Humming to the taste of friend as he lapped the head again. Kept eye contact as he swallowed him down and Wooyoung was cursing, both at the way San was treating him and the fact that he was locked down, unable to move. He let go of the sheets, desperately needing some sort of control, some sort of way to be able to reach the finish line faster. San’s hair rippled between his fingertips as he combed through the strands, tugged on them slightly and watched as the other’s eyes rolled back just before he let his eyelids fall. San let go of the restriction he had on the other, at least a little. Allowed Wooyoung to push down his head further. Moaned with his mouth full when the tip of his nose nuzzled the others dark pubic hair and Wooyoung groaned loudly. Back arching and head thrown back against the pillows. Felt how that blinding release was within reach and he held out his hands, a white flag raised as he completely surrendered to the void, ready to fall backwards into the darkness. “Hyung. I… I’m gonna” And San, that bastard, let him go. A smirk on his lips as he wiped the saliva that had trickled down his chin and Wooyoung’s mouth fell open to protest against the pure audacity of his friend. He would’ve argued, if it wasn’t for the hand that immediately closed around the shaft of his cock again. The lazy strokes that followed made him shut up and San chuckled under his breath. “Be good, Woo and I’ll let you come” His breath hitched and he grinned widely at the words. “And if I’m not?” Wooyoung asked and regret the decision to speak against the other as the warm hand quickly left the snug place around his cock. He whined, with pouting lips and furrowed brows and San just shook his head with an ‘I told you so’ expression on his face. Wooyoung swallowed, eyes moving from the others face to the clear dent in his friend’s underwear and he felt a tinge of regret when he noticed the rather large wet spot on the front of them. “I can make up for the disobedience…” He said in the sweetest voice he could muster, and San met his eyes again just as he placed a cupped hand over the head of his friend’s cock and the older almost doubled over from the sudden jolt that ran through his body from the touch. Wooyoung licked his lower lip into his mouth to bite back a loud moan as San rested his forehead against his collarbone when the younger’s fingertips stroked him through the thin material. “Fuck, Woo” The older cursed and exhaled harshly against his friend’s neck, nibbling at the skin there before he managed a deep breath and raised himself up on one arm, enough to lock lips with Wooyoung again. This time, though, it was anything but gentle and the younger met his lips with his mouth open, tongues meeting before lips did and San whimpered, low and guttural as Wooyoung swallowed the taste of him. The need to control, a need that San would’ve never guessed he’d ever feel with the younger, came over him again like a cold shower again and he welcomed the feeling. Submitted to the darkness, the need to dominate. He grabbed his friend's hand firmly, the one that was currently playing with his cock softly, running his fingertips over the head and tipping his thumb into the slit over and over. “More” San groaned against his lips and Wooyoung obeyed, like he’d promised he would, and didn’t hesitate to close his hand around the other’s cock when San pulled the underwear down his thighs. The gasps that fell from San’s lips made him dizzy. He circled the tip with his thumb again, collected the beads of pre-cum there before he let his hand moves over the shaft, jerking him off hard and fast and San groaned deeply as he shuddered against him. “Sannie-ah… hyung… I-” He choked on his own spit, gasping when the older seemed to have read his thoughts. San leaned back, half sitting up, towering over the younger on his kneecaps with his toes digging into the mattress for support. Quickly glanced down and inhaled sharply as he let his gaze rest on the way Wooyoung tugged on his length. The way his cock flopped back against his belly button with every stroke as the younger loosed his grip slightly at the base. He opened his mouth, allowed some saliva to fall from his bottom lip and watched as the spit spread over his friend clasped hand, mixing with the pre-cum there. He heard how the younger groaned at the action and looked up to meet his eyes, drunk with ecstasy. High from the serotonin jumping through the nerve endings in his brain before sending the feeling of euphoria through his body. He reached out, pressed his fingertips against Wooyoung’s lips and his friend opened his mouth without a question. Closed his eyes as San pushed past his lips, coaxing him to coat the fingers properly with saliva before he removed them again. A warm hand softly separated his legs even further and Wooyoung looked away, his cheeks flushing when San reached for a pillow beside him before he gestured for the younger to raise his lower half so he could place it under his waist. The older flinched slightly when Wooyoung let go of his cock, already missing the feeling but knew that he had to stay focused if this would be comfortable for the both of them. “We’re idiots” San whispered and Wooyoung swallowed when he realised the same mistake. They missed two vital parts, condoms and more importantly, since they both were 100 % sure that they didn’t carry any diseases, lube. “I’ll be patient” The younger promised, heart in his throat as he separated his legs further. He braced himself for pain, even closed his eyes again, but the pain never came and when he opened his eyes again, San looked back at him with a big sigh. “You need to relax” The older said and was immediately met with a roll of the other’s eyes. “Choke on my dick and maybe I will. You’re not the one about the get fucked in the ass” San scoffed but did as the younger said without a heartbeat’s hesitation. The vibrations from the older’s chuckle when a silent scream fell from Wooyoung’s mouth as soon as his friend closes his lips around his cock again, just made everything even more intense. San reached up again, took a moment to his advantage and pressed his index and long fingers so far into the younger’s mouth that he could feel his oesophagus clench around his fingers. He chuckled again but was silenced as Wooyoung thrusted harshly upwards as revenge, and San’s eyes watered as the other’s cock almost painfully hit the back of his throat again. He removed his fingers, and while they were still coated in spit, circled Wooyoung’s hole, opened his eyes when the motion earned him a surprised gasp from the younger and took him so deep into his throat as he could in the same moment as he pushed in his finger. It was beautiful, even through the teasing and fucking around with each other they’d just done, to watch as Wooyoung lost it so… completely. San’s eyes teared up again, but this time it was because of a completely different reason than the pain that tore at his throat. Wooyoung writhed underneath him and San let the other’s cock fall from his mouth. Reached forward to lean over his friend. “San” Wooyoung whined, breathless as he opened his eyes again, fingers quickly entangled in the older’s hair as he pushed him down for another kiss. Lips falling open as San adds another finger, carefully scissoring them while pumping them in and out and Wooyoung choked on his breath every time the older tickled that bundle of nerves inside him with his fingertips that make stars dance in front of his eyes. They make eye contact, and Wooyoung can see his own reflection in the darkness of those eyes, sees the way he looks, all flushed pink with his mouth open, panting with his brows furrowed with concentration. He looks away, embarrassed but San doesn’t let him. He leans back, to keep his balance and place the hand that held him upright, on Wooyoung’s chin and even though the motion is careful he still forced his friend to meet his eyes again. “Look at me… You… You’re so beautiful it hurt and the way-” He paused to look down at the way his fingers are being swallowed by the other’s tight hole, over and over again. “Fuck, I-” “I… I can’t take it anymore, I’m ready” Wooyoung interrupts and San swallows hard, nods and spits in his hand before he gives his cock a few strokes. Makes sure to coat it as properly as he could with the means they had. Wooyoung’s heart thumped so hard he can hear it in his ears. He placed his legs around San hips, pulling him in closer by latching them together behind his back and San locks eyes with him again as he guides the tip of his cock against the other’s entrance. … It doesn’t necessarily hurt. The feeling is just… new… and San cursed loudly under his breath as he pushed in the head of his cock, already breathless as Wooyoung squirms to the uncomfortable feeling. “I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you need to relax Woo” San tries to say as he presses his forehead against the younger and Wooyoung gasps loudly when the other tries to move again. San placed a sweet kiss on the other’s lips. Tries to make him think of anything else than the intrusion feeling of the other’s cock pushing deeper and deeper into him. It helps. The feeling of San’s lips moving against his as the older bottoms out inside of him and Wooyoung can only moan out when his fingers close around his cock, pulling at the length while San tries his hardest not to move another muscle until the younger says it’s ok. He blinks away the tears in his eyes as Wooyoung constrict around him, getting more and more used to the feeling of being filled up. “You’re doing so good, baby” San swallows hard and moans as he feel how Wooyoung’s hand brushes against his stomach when he jerk himself off to take his mind off San’s cock twitching inside him. An agonising moment pass and even though it feels like five minutes, no more than thirty seconds has probably passed. “You can move now” He starts out slow, head falling back when the first jolt of his hips rocks the younger’s body. Indulge in the way Wooyoung sound when the tip of his cock nudges against his prostate. Loved the way Wooyoung looks up at him, eyes drunk and hooded as he lazily stroke the underside of his cock to the pace that San has set. Moaned loudly when he picked up the speed and Wooyoung’s eyes fall back as his back arches from the pleasure that shoots up his spine. Cursed even louder when his best friend, his lover, spreads his legs even wider and places them on his shoulders instead and San sinks lower into him than before. The younger is a mess underneath him. Groaning and cursing under his breath with his arms thrown over his head, cock flopping against his lower stomach now with every thrust San moves his body with, too scared that he’ll come too fast if he keeps touching himself. He holds onto the pillow his head in resting on, swallows hard as San grips onto his hips, moving his whole body down to impale him on his cock as he jolted his hips forward to meet them. “Are you close Wooyoungie?” San’s voice is laboured, and he breathes hard with the question and Wooyoung opens his mouth to answer but realise that no words come out, so he settle with just nodding shortly. So close now that he only needs to take a step backwards and he’d fall into the abyss. He reaches out, place his hand in the softness of the others hair in the back of his neck and San’s whimper is muffled by Wooyoung’s lips as they press their lips together. It’s hungry, without control and less of a kiss than just the need to taste each other. Wooyoung clenches around him. It’s totally without his control and only because the sudden closeness between them caused the lower part of their bodies to rub against each other. Stuck between two clenching stomach was the younger’s neglected cock and the pleasure that shot through Wooyoung with the friction caused him to clench. But it was enough to send San toppling over and just like that, he paused, breath hitching as his eyes rolled back and Wooyoung gasped with realisation as the other’s cock twitched inside him, painting his insides with ribbons of warm cum. He shuddered, arching his whole body to the satisfying feeling and San wasted no time, not even down from his high before he started to move again, closed one secure hand over Wooyoung’s cock and locked their lips together again. Taking away his friend’s ability to breathe completely. Wooyoung fell not shortly after, not able to continue holding on as the other squeezed just right around his cock. San gasped at the sight, choking on his breath for probably the hundredth time as Wooyoung flinched when the overstimulation kicked it. The older pulled out slowly and then they lay there, tangled in a sweaty, nasty smelling mess but happier than they have ever been. San held onto him, his Wooyoung and smiled while placing a kiss on his forehead. The younger placed a hand on the other’s cheek and couldn’t help but smile back when his friend leaned into the touch, wondering for a moment, while San’s eyes were closed and Wooyoung’s heart was so full he thought it would burst. What did I ever do to deserve you?

--- San considered himself a free spirit, a traveller in many ways than just going from place to place. Ever since he was just a child, growing up with a dream too big for the small town he was born in. Always willing to risk looking like a fool- for love- for his dreams- for the adventure of being alive. Always with one eye at the stars in the sky, aiming for them- letting them guide him as he got older. Always with a compass in one hand and a microphone in the other, until he met Wooyoung, and everything changed. San considered himself a passenger, an adventurer on the go, but never with a home. He found comfort in the place he was born in. The house he grew up from boy to a teenager with a dream, with his biological family. The dorm he grew up from a teenager to a man with that dream slowly getting realized, with the family he’d earned from the choice he’d made. But he was never content, always on the go, always ready to move on. Time passed and he found himself dropping the tight hold of that compass of his more often. Found himself less keen on picking it up again whenever he met his best friend’s eyes. Found himself not caring if it got lost, until that one day, on the 10th of July, when the compass disappeared completely- the very moment Wooyoung closed that last millimetre of distance between them and pressed his lips against San’s own. San considered himself an explorer, always ready to find the next party, the next place he could wreck with the energy that bounced off him like waves. Always ready to be the life of that next party. The mood maker. Always ready to bend himself backwards for the pleasure to rejoice among people. For everyone else to place a liking in him. Time passed again and he found himself suddenly not caring what anyone else thought, as long as those bleached blonde locks were the only thing that captivated his vision. Those dark eyes. That smile. That laugh. That body. That warmth that embraced him when he woke up crying in the middle of the night. That love that filled him up until he was gasping because everything Wooyoung did made him lose his breath in the best way possible. And then that day happened, on the 26th of November, when everything fell into place. When Wooyoung laced their fingers together as they looked up on the same stars that San used to look up upon when he dreamed of the future outside the house, he grew up in. When Wooyoung met his eyes and San saw stars in them too, mixed with the dark brown, behind even darker lashes. Half covered by the light, soft hair of his. When Wooyoung swallowed hard and squeezed San’s hand. When Wooyoung sighed deeply, smiled with that smile he only saved for his best friend. “I know that you know. But I just need to say it once” And San knew that he could stop traveling. He didn’t need a compass anymore. Didn’t need to use the stars as a guide to find the right path anymore. Didn’t need anyone else than the person in front of him. “I love you” Because his home was right there, holding his hand, promising with those burning words that he’d never let go.

I love you too

[wrciteoff]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Split them however you want among all our characters interacting. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐

For each “⭐️” I get, I’ll write a headcanon about our muses. // @xviperinae

Oh boy. Buckle in hens, we’re in for a long ride. if you thought i wasn’t going to go all out you were strongly misled. under a read more bc..... there is a lot.

Jacks & Viper

⭐️ There is VERY little that Jacks wouldn’t do for Viper. It’s been so long since he’s felt any form of connection from another person that Jacks probably clings a little too tightly to that.

⭐️ Whiskey has taken on a secret meaning between them for ‘i’m sorry’. After a fight or if the other is reopening an old wound in themselves a bottle of whiskey is soon bought to the scene. It’s not that they can’t verbalise those two words to each other but they’re both stubborn and sometimes ‘i’m sorry’ is easier to hear when it’s not said out loud.

⭐️  Jacks WOULD hide a body/cover up a crime scene for Viper. But he would also probably vomit...a lot. And pass out. And honestly at some point you’ve just got to admit that whilst the THOUGHT is there practically speaking he would just be a god damn liability.

⭐️ Because of the scarring(or rather the implications of the scars) Jacks doesn’t like holding hands. That being said Viper is the one person he will reach across and give her hand a gentle squeeze sometimes. It’s never a long touch and only on the rare occasions he feels its needed but it IS there. She’s also the one person he wouldn’t flinch his own hand away from if she reached for his.

⭐️ Jacks doesn’t realise Viper’s crush on him but if he did oh hens my heart is weak because he would be so SOFT and capable of more gentleness than he knows. it would mean so much to Jacks to let Viper know that even though he can’t return her affections in that particular way he LOVES her, completely and unconditionally. man, i get real emotional over this every time we talk about it but jUST. he loves her so much ok so v much and like a lil gentle hand squeeze when he realises and a ‘i get it. it’s gonna be tough to find someone prettier than me’ but also a ‘but god, look at you, you’re beautiful and you’re gonna find someone so much better’

Estela & Viper

⭐️ Every year for Christmas Estela goes ENTIRELY over board on decorations. Everything has to match a particular colour theme and each ornament has to reflect the light in a CERTAIN way. It is a complete ordeal that extends throughout the December months. Despite this Viper is allowed ONE decoration on the holy shrine for a tree and undoubtedly it’s like a miniature Tennessee whiskey bottle or something that she just knows Estela is going to hate. And Estela just accepts it. Because. GOD. If this isn’t the woman she loves.

⭐️ One year Viper bought Alejandro a Christmas jumper. but like, a real weird knitted turtle neck type deal with snowmen and robins on it and Estela found it the most hilarious thing she’d seen all year and every year on Christmas eve they put it this solemn 100 pound Doberman.

⭐️ Following from that with other doggy head canons, Viper is the only person Alejandro relaxes around beyond Estela. It took a fair amount of time before the guard dog realised Viper was the OPPOSITE of a threat. But now on quiet evenings he’ll even rest his giant head on her lap.

⭐️ Estela feels TREMENDOUS guilt over her feelings for Viper. Knowing that her selfishness is putting Viper’s life and health in jeopardy leaves a permanently bitter taste in her mouth.

( perhaps that’s why it’s so unfair that Vipers kisses taste so sweet. )

⭐️ Estela’s love for Viper is subtle but also entirely obvious if you know where to look. It’s in the slight shifts of movements that follow Viper’s, aware of the others motions without having to look. Or the way her gaze lingers a little too long, always captivated, hooked on whatever Viper is doing.

⭐️ cliché but Estela steals Vipers clothes...... a lot.

⭐️ Viper is the only person who can make Estela blush. And this was going to be a stand alone point because let’s face it, we love to see it. But also Viper is the only person who can make Estela snort with laughter or cry in an argument or leave her jaw aching from smiling. Viper is the only person who makes Estela act human.

Mila & Viper

⭐️ Mila finds herself drawn towards Viper’s aura whilst also being disconcerted by it. She finds it entirely difficult to get an accurate read on just who Viper is from energy alone. At some point I feel as though Mila would abandon her ‘sight’ and trust Viper for how she presents herself. Although the collateral fall out from that if Mila ever did discover Viper’s occupation would be... uh oh.

⭐️ Still kind of relating onto that point !! (my bad. it’s just a v interesting dynamic ok !!) Mila is very black and white on morality. She would/will/does trust Viper implicitly and entirely naively as an older sister figure in her life and someone she could admire and depend upon. And that black and white stance would be entirely challenged and crumbled upon realising that whilst she is safe with Viper that doesn’t mean everyone else is safe around Viper either.

⭐️ I like to think that maybe Mila’s seen little flashes of Viper in the corner of some of her visions. A strand of hair or a familiar gait. Little flickers that wouldn’t quite add up unless she knew that Viper had been at the heart of some of those deaths.

⭐️ Softer head canon to end on but Mila defo still has that umbrella. It’s one of her favourites now. Nobody tell her where Viper got it from, I mean it - NO one.

Lex & Martin

⭐️ Yeets these two in here because i am weak. but martin got to meet lex in such a rarely vulnerable state that already there is a very fragile flammable bridge of trust between them. Martin got to see lex as an actual KID. A scared little boy that wanted his mum or his dad or anyone at all. and don’t get me wrong, a huge amount of trust comes from the fact that Martin is (beautiful n lovely n too pure) gentle and just happens to be there at the right time but ALSO he sounds like the kid’s home and he sounds like safety n im gonna cry now ty

⭐️ Lex lashes out A LOT at martin before he really gets to know him. his dad always taught him that doctors were bad news and he feels exposed that the first time they met he was so vulnerable.  but martin just?? responds with honesty and gentleness always and lex ??? needs that. and in a matter of months the kid looks up to him and wants to be more like him. 

⭐️ lex absolutely wouldn't know how to express love especially when it borders on parental so he just leaves the weirdest gifts for martin. the WEIRDEST. a tube of fruit pastels. a dying house plant. a funky looking bone that he found the other day. the gifts make little to no sense but the fundamental binding feature is that NONE are stolen. he saves up scraps and pennies to make martin proud rather than steal something on the side. 

⭐️ i know we talked about this over discord but my fave unofficial headcanon is that if/when lex ever finds out that Martin isn’t technically Scottish his brain would just ??? implode. the singular brain cell would just ... frazzle. would pretend to understand but the inside of his brain would just be (  X  )

[spacegayparty]

Top 10 fictional characters

Idk what the criteria is but sjdjdjd YOU GOT ME... This will be fun

1. Luna from Lunar Silver Star Stories

because nostalgia. I was like, in elementary school and didn't understand English and I hated that a lot :< but she had blue hair and could sing and dominate the world kinda so that was cool (guess why I got blue hair first lol)

2. okay but,, Matt from Digimon??

The name is radical. Digimon makes me instantly cry when it hear the intro (I tested it on a con lol) bc nostalgia. And that guy cared so much for his bro and even later tried his hardest to keep his shit together and FUCKING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OKAY!! he was a caring baby and threw hands when someone did bs. A bit too much hot head but,,, development man.

3. Rapunzel from Tangled?

.... She smacks people w a frying pan and I had my bday going to the film theatre for Tangled and it was basically the only film I didn't hate

4. Mulan.

Feminism!! also the guy was 100k gay for her when he thought she was a guy and sjsjdj. The sass and the resolute "fuck society and lets help people who need it" attitude... I mean?? How can't you! I love her. Also she kicked ass and saved a country based on being late and standing up for her dad in desperation of not knowing what to do in life and getting a chance to make a change for the better c:

5. Zuko from Avatar.

... Character development. Really. He was constantly looking for himself and hated everything because he made his self esteem depend on other people's views on him until he freed himself and learned to forgive and love and then he was fulfilled and didn't need romance or shit. He was okay in making up for what he did and that was awesome. He had the guts to endure rejection and pain for all the mistakes he had made. And even before he did show compassion and love, just in his own ways. A truly amazing character.

6. Ahhhh Virgil obv.

I'm just biased on that one bc.. Punk aesthetics. The guy is a walking ace flag. And he gave me the emancipation to love purple (that sounds stupid. My step dad made me hate purple by associating it to my dysphoria and several sexist stereotypes that made me hate myself for liking the colour. And now I'm wearing purple at this moment, my phone having a purple colour theme and even my nail polish being pastel purple in shimmering. Not to talk to about my hair lol)

7 Okay but Mat from DDADDS

He is,,,,,,,, baby,,,,

He has anxiety and trouble and problems but he moves on, he tries. He is relatable in being kindhearted and trying to express his passions just as he is. He never dreamed bigger than he needed to be because he was content in himself and open for finding his way to himself again because he's allowed to love even without others. And that beautiful. He's such a loving and supportive character and hhhh the dreadlocks (biased haha) and the voice and all.

(tbh I kinds love all dads in the game)

8 Dee

I'm a major deceit Stan and that's mostly because he stirs up philosophical and moral questions. He challenges views like Virgil did when he first appeared and made the "light sides" explain themselves and their legimitisation to be and be 'right'.

Also he is a classy fucker and I'm so s so gay for him. I can't get enough and watched SVS like 25 times not even joking.

9 Remus

.... Okay so he was the first character I could ever really relate to. He was weird, weird on purpose but alps not on purpose and that was my childhood struggle as genderfluid pan-poly ADHD deity. I wanted to be different bc of my ADHD because I just NEEDED to do and such (also I was big neglected) until I realised that.. I was just different because I was me and I didn't have to weird out people's on purpose

I take pride in who I am . It's easier now, with less hyperactivity. Because I am more confidently and truly myself and not some overloaded idiot who can't shut up (I still can't shut up but have stimming now). Remus is just.. Odd and I love that. He isn't supposed to be low here but idk how to make out who's the most important tbh.

... Also he makes jokes all the time and I csn relate

10 chara from undertale.

Not saying a thing and still changing a world form total genocide and rigorous murder and rules to love and acceptance. Just by making a compliment, relating to others and never being weided out by bones and frogs and other creatures.

(also an nb icon I mean,,)

Characters I'd like to mention :

Todd (bojack horseman), Remy and Emile from the ts universe (great soft therapist and sassy bitch I mean,,), Toph and the moon goddess from Avatar (I mena the real one bc........ I'm a huge gay okay,. Also she did awesome things and Toph is just fucking empowerment and self esteem. Never give, no matter what!). Garnet and Lapis from Steven Universe,,, and so so many more like Hilda from Hilda and Ivy from Digimon World 2003 who just fucked over gender roles bc she took a name for liking it and not any gender linked to it.. Heidi from Heidi lol bc positivity. I just.. I also forgot many many others like Cowley from Good Omens and Kevin and his Mom from Supernatural. And Castiel obv. And Vld Keith and Shiro and hhhhh so many many more

So so many characters. Fuck real people I don't understand their faces anyway bc I'm like super blind

[princelettow-archive]

4, 5, 6, 8, 12, and 15 for catasharky and 3, 4, 5, and 6 for beccroix (i’m allowed to do 2 bc i love you)

ur allowed to do 2 because ur my best friend and i love u

under the cut because...Long

catasharky aka the two biggest morons in hoe county

4. Who is more likely to tell the other a pun and what is the other’s reaction to the pun?

Sharky tells puns all the time and Cata barely gets like 80% of them OR it takes her long enough so he thinks it has not been funny but then she starts laughing and he’s like “ok I still got it”. Honestly Cata just thinks he’s gotdang hilarious even if his puns are the worst so she always ends up laughing anyway. That’s why he can’t stop telling them, he just likes it when she laughs.

5. When one of them has a bad day, what does the other do to help cheer them up?

They just hang out together on the trailer park, climb up to one of the trailers, legs dangling and they drink beer and talk about whatever, mostly it’s just Sharky oversharing shit but it makes Cata laugh so she does forget about whatever it was that upset her. In Sharky’s case it’s mostly just her presence that cheers him up! She’s always there when he needs her and if she’s busy or at work she still takes at least a couple of minutes to send him a dumb text or call him to chat for a bit. If they’re at the trailer park she rests her head on his shoulder while he vents about what’s troubling him and she squeezes his hand to let him know she’s still listening and that she’s there for him.

6. If they got to pick what one another wears for a day, what would one another wear?

I mean...none of them are actually peak fashion sense so whatever they wear is going to be casual and comfortable because that’s the only thing on their wardrobes. Cata would get rid of his hoodie for once and maybe switch the look for a plain t-shirt + denim jacket with the sleeves rolled up (and NO baseball cap allowed, let her ruffle his hair!). Sharky likes it when she wears shirts with a few unbottoned buttons (but like...not too much, let’s not get thotty) and waist up jeans with plain sneakers! Casual...but make it fancy-ish!

8. In a coffee shop AU, who would be the coffee shop employee and who would be the customer?

Cata as the employee and Sharky as the guy who absolutely doesn’t like coffee but thinks the bartender is cute and pretends to like it just so he can talk to her a bit each morning. He sits like a buffoon with a cup of coffee he doesn’t even drink just because she’s the nice girl who always greets him with a smile!

12. When did they know that loved each other, and when did they first tell each other that they loved one another?

Ok wrow let’s see. Sharky probably crushed on her quickly because she’s just...a very warm and loving person and she knows how to make people feel welcome and comfortable and honestly she encouraged him to talk about things and never shut him down and actually remembered the things he told her and laughed at his jokes and he was like wow I can’t believe she’s the love of my life. For Cata it was...a bit weirder I guess? She probably didn’t even notice she loved him Like That until she talked to someone about it, she just thought he was a Very Good Friend! (Cata/Santi solidarity is that they’re both oblivious dumbasses)

Also the first time they said I love you to each other was like 2 days after becoming friends because Cata gave him half her nuggets and then he shared his soda with her.

15. Who would bring their partner on a romantic date under the stars?

Neither of them are the romantic type so they probably just happened to be outside at night and there were a bunch of star so it’s like wrow isn’t this romantic....totally planned....i just so happen to have a can of pringles we can share...as a romance meal. Really peak dumbassery.

beccroix aka my emotional support vampires

3. Who compliments the other in front of everyone?

They never hang out with anyone because L*cr**x has no friends other than Becca because he’s an ass but if they did it’d probably be Becca because he would only compliment her if they were alone because he’s just like that.

4. Who is more likely to tell the other a pun and what is the other’s reaction to the pun?

Sebby doesn’t have a sense of humour because it died with him like 200 years ago (if he ever had one!) so Becca is the one who tells puns (that don’t even make sense because you know, welcome to my malkavian twisted mind) and he either 1) ignores them because they were obviously not even funny or 2) was too busy gazing longingly into her eyes to even pay attention to it in which case he just looks stupid for a while

5. When one of them has a bad day, what does the other do to help cheer them up?

Seb doesn’t usually reach out to people when he’s had a bad day but if he’s had a particularly straining meeting or if he has lots of things on his mind he might send her an email (so short, impersonal and formal it almost seems like he’s calling for a staff meeting) and request her presence for some urgent matter (yeah that’s a lie) BUT Becca knows him and he never tells her to come so she shows up ready to start rambling about whatever and for some casual hand holding (that he only allows because it has proven to be good for concentration!). She also lets him ramble and vent about what’s been troubling him so by the time the night is over he feels better! It’s…surprisingly easy for Becca to cheer mousy up.

When Becca has had a bad day it usually shows. She doesn’t say it and you can’t really tell by looking at her face or listening to her talk but if you’ve known her for a while (which L*cr**x has, for better or worse) you start noticing things! She doesn’t wear her usual colourful (and hideously combined) clothing and if it’s been a rough week she’s probably sporting a very normal hair colour with no neon scrunchies. She usually keeps her troubles to herself (or only confides on Cass) so if she’s feeling lonely or sad she avoids going to Ventrue Tower altogether! BUT if they meet and Seb notices it (and he does notice it, all the time) he probably is the one to start conversations, asking her opinion or something or about her latest Hollywood adventure (he even asks her about her Toreador friend, even if just pronouncing her name leaves a bitter taste on his mouth, thanks Great Mural Incident of 2002).

6. If they got to pick what one another wears for a day, what would one another wear?“

Please don’t ever let Becca pick what L*cr**x has to wear unless you want him to call a blood hunt on her. IF she had to pick clothes from his own wardrobe (which is just identical suits and ties because he is Boring) she’d probably go for the most casual look she could find because she finds his slightly disheveled look to be very Cute. So ditch the suit jacket, shirt sleeves rolled up, no tie whatsoever and for the love of god go easy on the hair gel and let her mess it up a bit!

Mousy would, surprisingly, not try to make her look fancy. He complained nonstop about how she was an eyesore for a long time but now he just likes how she clashes with everything that surrounds him. He has a soft spot for her champagne pink hair dye or the pastel orange/peachy one (not that he would say it of course), particularly if she wears it loose or braided. As for clothing…her demin jacket with stars embroidered on it, black leggins and her favourite yellow sneakers. He probably can’t believe he’s picking that instead of a clean cut suit but imagining her wearing something so formal just feels wrong. 

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[lesamis]

tagged by @kazimirov to answer thirty questions, then tag blogs you would like to know better! the original said tag twenty blogs but like. who's even interested in that many people

1. Nicknames? lil if you’re mieke, lilleken if you’re my dad & lilie if you’re my mum

2. Gender? does that like........even exist my guy

3. Star sign? aries / pisces depending on what school u wanna go with

4. Height? 1.70m

5. Time? 11:44

6. Birthday? april 10th!

7. Favorite bands? of monsters and men, bastille

8. Favorite solo artists? sleeping at last, florence + the machine. lately also moses sumney

9. Song stuck in my head? that cover of hallelujah in yiddish it’s so good

10. Last movie watched? i. genuinely don’t know D: actually that might have been when liz was still here? gotg 2? 

11. Last show watched? queer eye!

12. When did I create my blog this one? late 2015 i think 

13. What do I post? pretentious quotes & pretty pictures w some les mis and romanticism interspersed :D

14. Last thing I googled? "it seems like you were the one offended my good bitch” (i just wanted to look at the tweet bc it makes me happy)

15. Do you have other blogs? yeah! never rly use any of them but technically i have like four

16. Do you get asks now and then!

17. Why did you choose your url? bc i'm petty as shit over those “the novel isn’t abt les amis and those Silly Fangirls are too stupid to read” posts that happen sometimes bc it miraculously wasn’t taken

18. Following? 152

19. Followers? had those hidden since day 1 :D 

20. Favorite colours? light blue + soft pink. pastels 4 life

21. Average hours of sleep? 7 ish? i try to go for eight but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

22. Lucky number? 4!

23. Instruments? tiny bit of guitar + piano, the only thing i technically have training in is vocals but like what does that even mean u know

24. What am I wearing? warm sweater & skirt & tights bc it is FIFTEEN DEGREES and FALL IS HERE (shhh the weather’s totally gonna stay this way i can dream)

25. How many blankets I sleep with? just this. massive comforter and i used to add a blanket in the winter when i was still in an uhhhh badly heated house

26. Dream job? librarian or archivist in a place with old things & good people. alternatively assistant or secretary at a place that does good. basically just give me little responsibility no capitalism and a clear conscience

27. Dream trip? i rly wanna go to boston this winter to hang out at harvard with two Best People In The World, fingers crossed!

28. Favorite food? every pasta dish that also involves tomatoes and cheese

29. Nationality? german

30. Favorite song now? the ukulele cover of valerie the bff did the other day where he replaced every “valerie” with “lilli.” the absurdity was delightful & it was my first time being serenaded thanks again bro

tagging @hero-ofcanton​, @williamvapespeare, @longingonthewind annnd that’s just about all i can think of rn :D no pressure of course!

[etherealrj]

truly, madly, deeply - reddie

pairings : pastel!eddie kaspbrak x punk!richie tozier

words : 1.2K

 warnings : none

MASTERLIST

thanks for you request anon! This was super cute to write but I don't think I did the request justice :') if you don't like it give me a yell and i'll try something else! I have another punk richie x pastel eddie requesting coming though so hopefully it'll be better! But do tell me what ya'll think ! 

Eddie played with the taller boy’s hair as they sat in the grass of the quarry. Richie’s head was placed in Eddie’s lap, dark brown curls cascade across Eddie’s white denim overalls as he threads his fingers though the strands. Richie’s eyes were closed enjoying the feeling of Eddie’s fingers lightly massaging his head. He could hear the rest of the Loser’s faintly playing in the water, their loud laughter echoing the hills around them. The sun hung low in sky, casting a light pink glow over the pair. Eddie hummed under his breath as he admires the boy cladded in black from head to toe, he lays quiet and relaxed in the grasp of his lover. Eddie trails his eyes down Richie’s face, the boy still wearing this thick prescription glasses that covered the thin layer of freckles which scattered across the bridge of his nose. A brand-new ring laid within the skin of Richie’s pink lips. He’d since replaced the brightly coloured Hawaiian shirts for dark red flannels and the graphic tees for some loud grunge band t-shirts that Eddie had never heard of. Black ripped skinny jeans seemed like a new skin to Richie, Eddie hardly ever saw him without them, not that he cared. He quiet liked how they outlined the boy’s thighs.

A small smile made its way onto Eddie lips as he glanced over Richie’s arm, the word LoSVer very permanently laid upon the boy’s skin. Richie had somehow convinced Eddie to come with him when he got his very first tattoo at the age of fourteen, claiming he got it to make Eddie feel better about his cast. But four years later, the boy was covered head to toe with shitty ink from random artists he found around their town of Derry and every time since, Eddie would be there to hold Richie’s hand. Through the piercings and the ink, the small fragile boy would cringe and tell his boyfriend that he would never come again but a week later Eddie always found himself clutching Richie’s hand as he watched the new needle pierce his skin.

Things had changed for the boys since they were thirteen, after they defeated the evil clown and everything slowly went back to normal. Or as normal as it could. Eddie embraced his love for the colour pink, wearing soft, neat fabrics and his trademark shorts that drove Richie wild. Bev had told Eddie she was quite glad that someone had developed a sense of style because god forbid you leave any of the rest of the boys to make good fashion choices.

Eddie's heart swelled with love for this idiot of a boy. Leaning back onto his left hand, brushing an object with his palm he smiled. Richie had saved up all his earnings from the small gig’s he had been playing with his band to buy Eddie a polaroid camera for his eighteenth birthday. The baby blue device sat in Eddie’s left hand, as he watched his boyfriends still face. He removed his hand from Richie’s hair quickly, knowing it would be only a matter of time before Richie opened his eyes noticing the absence of Eddie’s hand. He starred down the lenses of the camera and focusing all his attention on Richie. The way the setting sun seemed to cast a pink hue over his skin, the small refection from his glasses and the glint from his lip ring. Eddie pressed his finger down on the button and with a loud shutter of the camera, the film began to print.

Eddie felt the weight of Richie’s head shift in his lap. He looked up from the developing film to the boy. Quickly, hiding the picture behind his back. He was met with soft brown eyes open widely, staring up at him with a small smirk playing on the corner of his lips. Eddie glanced away, biting his bottom lip between his teeth. “Eddie?” Richie questioned staring expectantly up at brunette teenager. Eddie hummed in foreign response. “Did I just hear what I thought I thought I just heard?” Eddie shook his head. Richie widened his eyes, sitting up slowly to meet Eddie gaze. He tucked his legs underneath his large frame. “I told you to save the film just in case you ever saw your Mom in the shower again, Eds.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, slapping Richie across the chest a huff escapes his lips. “Shut up you idiot, that wasn't even funny.“

“Let’s see the picture then.” Richie placed his hand out in front of him, expectant of the small white piece of film. Eddie shakes his head and moves back further.   Richie feigns to be upset, bringing a hand to rest over his heart. Eddie soften his gaze afraid he’s hurt his boyfriend feelings. Eddie reaches his hand out to Richie’s shoulder, preparing to apologise. But by no surprise Richie had taken his arm lightly and pulled his smaller body on top of his larger one.  Taking the polaroid picture swiftly from Eddie’s hands as he tried to stabilize himself. Eddie let out a loud groan as he hovered over Richie’s body, legs intertwined. He should have known. Richie let out a loud boisterous laugh at the pout on his boyfriend’s lips.

Richie watched as the boy sat back against his thighs, with his bottom lip puckered and a scowl between his brow. Richie leant up and placed a chaste kiss on Eddie’s lips. Eddie tasted of strawberries like always, just as Richie always had the lingering smell of cigarettes upon his own lips.  Richie smiled up the boy, whom sat wearing a pastel pink shirt underneath his stark white overalls with a rainbow patch sewn in the middle of the pocket that laid upon his chest. Richie had a matching one of his denim jacket and he also had one tattooed onto his left bicep.

Richie looked down at the polaroid seeing nothing but what he deemed to be his overly average looking face with the addition of his bulky glasses, but he figured that there must be something redeemable in him if a boy as perfect as Eddie Kaspbrak were to want anything to do with him. Richie adored the boy with all his heart. He reached up to kiss the boys scrunched up nose, pulling away he leant on his elbows and watched the smaller teenager force away a smile from his face. He smiled up at Eddie, waiting for his favourite boy to beam a smile right back at him. Richie raised his eyebrows when nothing came, poking the fragile boy in the side.

Eddie looked Richie dead in the eye, struggling to keep up his façade. “I love you, spaghetti.” Eddie let out a frustrated groan breaking his stoic expression with a  loud laugh.

“Don’t call me that you douche!” Eddie exclaimed through a laugh. Both boys starred back at one another with silly smiles on their faces and the pure admiration sparkling in their eyes. Even though they were polar opposites they found solace in each other and wouldn’t give it up for the world.

Oblivious to the two, the rest of the losers had begun approach from the rear and watched the scene in ‘awe’ as both teenage boys starred into each other’s eyes completely unaware to the world around them. Bev picked up the discarded polaroid camera and brought it up to her face capturing the pure love displayed upon both of the boys faces in a time where they all felt peace.

GUYS THIS WAS SO FUCKING GAY I LEGIT CAN'T. I tried to keep the punk and pastel lowkey bc I hate when its like super in your face but it just turned to shit lmao, tell me what  u think kiddos.

if you wanna be added to the reddie taglist lemme know!

I had a bunch of ppl in my ask box wanting to be added but they all deleted so idk who they were I'm sorry!

taglist : @colinmorgay @its-ya-girl-mercy @tastes-like-cherry-coke @netzoflix @bitch-its-youknowwho @prkrptr @ladycataztrophe @whoisjjacob @eddies-inhaler

[wannawrite]

Alpacas Over Flowers

who? : MXM’s Im Youngmin fluff bullet-point ver. 

the ‘Our Two Lips’ flower boys LDH PJH PWJ KJW

LGL [ coming soon ] | JH [ coming soon ] 

blog navigator. ndlahdkdhdj last few instalments of the flower boy AU series….for now. Please don’t request anymore for this series until further notice but I thank you to all who requested, these were really fun to write and experiment with but it is not something I want to dwell on for too long. I don’t think I’m very good at it either…lol rip. There’s still Guanlin and Justin left. Since it is October, it’s time to get spooky. 👻 Request Halloween, fall-related things, please! Never had a go at them but I will try. Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed to this series, especially all the sweet and kind comments you guys leave. 💕 It was fun, and until Guanlin’s! - Admin L

• so there’s this cute adorable lovable amiable guy in your uni lecture • you have a major • major • major crush on him but honestly, who doesn’t ??? • but he doesn’t attend classes very often bc he’s sick • jokes • he’s just out there being an underground rapper • you don’t really pay attention to that scene but your best friend found out and pretty much told the whole squad • and she also spilled the part where you really liked him • wow thanks a lot andrea 

• 2017 best friend award • it’s embarrassing asf • now everyone ships you too together • Jinsoul offers to accompany you to one of his gigs but you decline since it’s super close to mid-terms and you aren’t sure how Youngmin can keep his grades, music and life balanced • plus, you can’t exactly picture cute, red haired Youngmin with an alpaca keychain on his backpack as a rapper • let alone one that spits utter fire • it’s lit 🔥🔥🔥 • you listened to two seconds of his diss track for Mnet and shut your laptop • contemplating life and sobbing over how good he was • it was that good • howdareyoumnet • the track was titled was titled SnakeNet™ ft. Park Woojin • bouta catch snakes with my net • * insert badly edited picture of Admin L swinging a net at Mnet and SM * • I need to stop making Mnet snake jokes i’m sorry • so • yeah, Woojin, that shy, awkward kid who majored in dance • Brand New College thrived with the talent • so anyway, your alpaca boy rarely came to class but whenever he did, you tried to sit as near as him as possible • he radiated sunshine and happiness • it made you all fuzzy and happy on the inside too, it was like he rarely had a bad day • trying to suck some of that positive energy • moving on…………….. • somehow, you always ended up like three seats away • Youngmin seemed to always be flanked by his best friends, Jeong Sewoon and Kim Donghyun • they always protected him from the world • asdfghjkl stop separating me from my man • but it’s cute to have such an amazing protection squad, they’re a force to be reckoned with • one day, you decided to approach him after your lecture • yes you did it • two steps away • his back was towards you, displaying some expensive brand of the shirt he wore • one!!! • unfortunately, he seemed to be hurried and rushed off,  a few pieces of paper dropped out of his backpack • even his cute little plushie alpaca keychain thudded to the ground • “hey! Youngmin!” you had yelled but he was already dashing down the corridor with his friends struggling to keep up • you were the last one in the lecture hall • deciding to return it to him another day, you picked up the soft plushie and the sheets of paper that fell out of his bag • c'mon you were a decent classmate • as you shuffled through the papers, a pastel coloured flyer fell out from one of them • it was very pretty • puzzled, you picked it up and examined it • “Our Two Lips?” • you showed it to the queen of knowing everything that happened in your city, Jennie • “ahhh, so the rumours are true.” she said, amused • furrowing your brows and frowning, you cocked your head to one side “what?” • “ahhh, Im Youngmin, Park Woojin and Lee Daehwi are rumoured to have been hired to work at this new cafe” • you swore you walked passed the place before when it was all boarded up and had no clue what tf it was • you nodded as Andrea cackled away • “oh my god Y/N you would love that place so much” • your friends confused you beyond imagination • “huh, why?” • Jennie and Andrea burst into laughter • “It’s a flower boy cafe!” • oh my god • w a s t e d • i’m still confused by this idea though…never heard of it until now and even though I’m able to grasp the basic concept, idk much i’m sorry :(( • okay just imagine • Im Youngmin as a barista • Im Youngmin as a barista in a flower boy cafe • Red-haired Im Youngmin as a barista in a flower boy cafe, Our Two Lips wearing a flower crown • Red-haired Im Youngmin as a barista in a flower boy cafe, Our Two Lips, wearing a flower crown as he serves you coffee • and food • food is important I hope you guys are eating well • you pretty much spit out a bunch of gibberish as your face becomes tomato red • “Oh! Wasn’t your last lecture today? Looks like you’ll have to visit him if you want to return his charm” • a s d f g h j k l • you really can just wait until the summer is up but that’s mean and he might want his charm back immediately • of course, he loves his charm, it is adorable • you love it too • it’s a soft, small plushie that has been patched on the side • :“) • you make it sit on your bed side table so it’s the first thing you see when you wake up and the last thing you see when you sleep • also because you’re scared of losing it • how would you explain to the flower boy? • it takes you a couple of days to visit the place • a few of your classmates went on the opening day • it’s safe to say they almost fainted from the cuteness • they facetimed you right after • "oHMy gOD y/N yOu goTTa cOMe anD SEE YounGMIn” Jinsoul yelled as she shakily held her phone • “yO i’m shOokeTH” - Andrea, about the cafe, 2017 • “bye bye sweetie” • honestly, you were a anxious mess, your palms were sweating, your legs felt like jelly • it’s just to return his charm! • and his lecture notes • calm down!!!!! • nah • you fretted about it until you reached the cafe and put on a fake relax look • the plan was simple, approach the counter, ignore the food, pass Youngmin his charm back and leave • that was the original plan • until you saw how breathtakingly beautiful he looked • it was probably the first proper glance you had gotten at him • that was not from your seat, far away, through the lens of a pair of binoculars, like a creep • “hello! I’m Youngmin, and I’ll be your flower,” proceeds to grab a rose out of his apron pocket, “boy for today” • you weren’t joking when you said you felt a teensy bit light headed • your hand closed around the plastic-wrapped rose and you stared at it in awe • stick!! to!! the!! plan!! • you cleared your throat, “actually-” • “ahhh, table for one” • youngmin wasn’t being rude - at least he hoped you thought so- he just wanted to get to know you a bit better, plus, you willingly came to the cafe • “you’re in the same friday and wednesday lecture as me right?” he asked as he escorted you to your seat, ignoring your reluctant protests. Youngmin was going to keep you here • “um yes.” you replied softly, heartbeat accelerating by the seconds • he nodded, “ahhh, no wonder your face seemed familiar” • eye contact, charming smile, faint tinges of pink of his cheeks • “i knew i’d never forget a beauty like you” • he left you with the menu and your red face with a disorganised plan • that boy is smooth • @ Youngmin, I see you • it’ll be rude if i reject him as a server…..no i can’t do that • you ordered something because you were hungry though, it seemed too good to resist • “what’s a beauty doing here all alone?” Youngmin posed as he collected your menu • you mumbled out an incoherent, embarrassed reply • he chuckled, “will my aegyo get you to open up?” • instead of speaking, you plucked the plushie charm from your pocket. “i found this in the hall the other day, I figured I should return it.” • “oHmYgoD!” • truthfully, Youngmin allowed it to fall, hoping you would return it and take it as a sign • Donghyun had taught him a trick or two on how to be the nation’s boyfriend and he was ready to win your heart • “are you serious? I went crazy trying to find this! Thank you so much! Isn’t your name y/n? Can I call you that?” • he appeared a little flustered and surprised, clutching his plushie close • he genuinely treasures his plushie okay, fight me • it was cute • ugh • “y/n, and yeah sure” • Youngmin opened his mouth to speak but he was called away by another server. He smiled apologetically and thanked you again, promising to be back with your order soon • you scrambled to text your friends but your hands were trembling like a leaf that you missed all the keys • do leaves tremble? • your texts to them were a mess but they got your drift anyway • Youngmin arrived with your order, “I’m here to give you your food and my heart.” • you really couldn’t help but burst into giggles • “will you accept it, Y/N?” • beaming brightly, you nodded but was still unable to keep the laughter at bay • youngmin chuckled along with you • boi i kid you not hearing his laugh was a blessing • b l e s s • since the cafe was pretty empty, Youngmin settled down in the seat across from your own because “everyone should have company” • he wasn’t much of a talker but he was a good listener, the more he warmed up to you the more he spoke • his eyes lit up when you mentioned you listened to his mix tapes • “you’re a really great rapper” • he just blushed and mumbled a 'thank you’ in reply, the ability to speak left him • “ahh, t-thank you.” • you took note of how well his red hair contrasted against his peach coloured flower crown. It only made him all the more charming and prince like • Youngmin’s company was enjoyable and you could foresee him becoming one of your good friends • you were reluctant to leave • he felt the same way • Youngmin isn’t the kind for a hella lot of aegyo but he has a way with words • even though he says he doesn’t • “y/n? do you have a map? cause honey, I’m getting lost in your eyes,” he said, tapping the pot of honey on your table • o i love puns • “you’re so sweet, are you made out of sugar?” *lifts up jar of sugar* • you’re just out there dying at his lame ass puns • but at the same time, dying bc he’s FLIRTING WITH YOU • imagine your crush flirting with you • hah can’t relate • “y/n, we’re like a four-leafed clover, you are C, I’m R and there’s love between us” he purred out, making finger hearts • you’re nearly dead and although these are somewhat awful, it’s cute • “i never knew you were like this, you never really talk in class…..” you muttered. “so innocent…” • “the only crime I’ll commit is stealing your heart” • bYE BYE IM • it gets late and you eventually have to bid him goodbye • but before you leave, he slides you a note and says, “y/n, if you can accept my love, how about accepting my number?” • “yes! I’ll text you.” • you hastily punch his number into your phone, nearly messing up because you’re still freaking out • there’s an alpaca, llama emoji next to his name, whatever you can find on your phone • suddenly, you become the envy of all the customers, especially when he gives you a matching alpaca plushie • *makes a mental reminder to attach it to your uni bag* • Youngmin smiles bashfully at you but says nothing • when you hand back the board to him after writing your signature - because you paid by credit card, he whistles • “damn, i was looking for a signature on you because a masterpiece always has one” • you are about to punch him • but only out of love • your heart is going to explode • he winks from behind the counter as you head out • “see you soon, Y/N.” 

[artlessictoan]

I dunno if this is too mich but: 3, 26, 43, 46 and/or 49 +Sand sibs 2.0

holy fuc k okok dw i got this yallbetter go get yourselves a cuppa this is gonna take a while

Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do theydespise about their siblings?

well obvs all these kids love the hell outta each other! Theyhave a very close bond, almost on thesame level as the Sand Sibs Classic Flavour, there’s a lot of unspokencommunication between them and understanding that even their bestfriends/partners/dad don’t have with them, bc of their shared history

none of them really have a ‘favourite’ sib, they all likeeach other equally, but in very different ways; while Araya and Yodo are thetwo who hang out more often and do more stereotypically sibling stuff, that’smostly bc Shinki just isn’t interested in those sorts of things, he’s happy tojust sit and watch as he’s working on a puppet or something, generally though,Araya is the best at comforting, Shinki gives great advice and Yodo is always ready to give bullies a goodass-kicking

as for what annoys them.. well Yodo does love her pranks andcan be quite exhausting bc she’s so much more hyper than her bros, Araya is abit of a forgetful ditz, so he’ll often need to be reminded about a promiseseveral times and Shinki still has some trust issues – even with his sibs whohe trusts more than anyone else – he’ll often try to solve his problems withoutgetting them involved which can cause arguments between them. fights betweenthe three don’t usually last long though, as soon as someone apologises they’llforgive each other pretty much immediately

What does your character’s home look like? Personaltaste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

the sand fam home is mostly quite simply decorated, the sameway it was when it was first built, but the few rooms that are actuallyused tend to be a terrible clash of Every Style Under The Sun, with each personhaving a small area of the main rooms that’s basically all their shit clusteredtogether, from Gaa and Shinki’s minimalist practicality, to Araya’s cutesy nicknack’s, Kank’s Paint It Black and random puppet limbs everywhere and Yodo’s chaotic mess of video games, electronics and band posters (after so long nobody even notices how weird it looks anymore, visitorsare always very alarmed/amused though)

Shinki: don’t let his ninja outfit fool you, this boyis a Fashionista to the core, while he favours neutral colours he LOVES avantgarde shit, especially the look of mixed textures and bold, postmodern silhouettes,neo-punk is so much his thing it’sridiculous….. unfortunately he also has hypersensitive senses due to his autism,which makes certain textures and types of clothing physically uncomfortable forhim to actually wear, he’s a bit annoyed by that, but he’s into dressmaking andembroidery, so he just makes things for his sibs and lives vicariously throughthem

Araya: PASTEL PRINCE! loves anything cute, bright and feminine,he wears lots of ruffles and glittery makeup, loves over-sized jumpers and sweetpatterns (especially animals and plants!), sometimes he’ll ask his bro to do areally detailed piece of embroidery on a plain jacket, which he always wearswith so much pride! experiments with hair and makeup a lot, with help from hisuncle Kank, his ninja gear is totally different to his preferred style – so muchso that people often don’t recognise him when they first see him out of it –but that’s just bc he doesn’t wanna ruin his nice stuff during battle

Yodo: punk rock to her soul, she loves grungy,distressed, androgynous clothing and goes to great efforts to look like she’s not put in any effort at all. shelikes a lot of variety in colours, while most of her outfits are built aroundblack staples, she’ll throw all sorts of different colours on top (her favesare dark/rich shades of purple and blue though) and she loves bold,intimidating makeup, she mimics Gaara’s eye-rings bc she’s such a fuckingdad’s girl and rocks the heck outta dark lipstick

Does your character have any secrets? If so, are theyholding them back?

Shinki: he does have secrets about his past beforeending up at the orphanage, secrets that not even his siblings or dad knowabout, though they all have their suspicions, but he would rather not talkabout that time in his life and they all respect him enough not to go digging. ingeneral he’s a very open and blunt person – perhaps a little too much, but since he doesn’t talk oftenit’s not a huge issue

Araya: cannot keep a secret to save his life, if askeda question, he will almost immediately cave and tell the truth (unless it’s somethingsuper important, like.. national security level important), he’s not allowed inon pranks and surprise party organisation anymore, he’s honest person bynature, he just really doesn’t like feeling that he’s deceiving someone, or withholdingsomething from them

Yodo: has a metric shitton of secrets, of varyingimport, from exactly how all thosebiscuits went missing, to some of the more illegal things she had to resort towhen living on the streets, mostly kept bc she finds it difficult to trustothers, or bc she’s a forward-thinking person who doesn’t want to be dragged downby the past, so, outside of her family and closest friends, she doesn’t sharemany secrets. unlike her bros, she is a practiced and enthusiastic liar; thougha little clumsy at it as a child, she quickly learns how to hide them once shestarts living with Gaara and Kank (much to their dismay) though she mostly justuses the skill to get out of trouble

Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight?Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?

Shinki: average height and weight, he wouldn’t standout much in a crowd. he holds himself quite straight and formally though, in asimilar way to Gaara actually! he doesn’t have many thoughts about his body,either positive or negative, so long as it can get what he needs done done hereally doesn’t give a fuck

Araya: TALL! TOO TALL! he was always a little on the lankyside as a kid, quite skinny and with those awkward spider limbs, but he didn’tget really tall until his late teens(the day that Kank realised Araya was taller than him now, he locked himself inhis room for a whole week), he used to be very self-conscious about himself,but as he grows into his body and stops feeling so gangly he starts to quitelike it! he tends to slouch a lot though and habitually bends over slightlywhen he’s indoors (after one knocked head too many)

Yodo: an utter fuckin short arse. she was short and skinny as a kid, she was short andskinny as a teen and she’s short and skinny as an adult (though she’s stillsuper buff and toned, just built more like a sprinter than a weight-lifter), afact which she loathes, her only comfort is that she’s still taller than herdad by like.. half an inch (a fact that she lauds over him at everyopportunity). even though she wishes she weren’t so short, she still loves thefuck outta her body and will show off her muscles constantly when around hergf, she also tends to stand and walk in a way that makes herself look biggerthan she is, all wide stances and swinging arms

What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm ofspeech? Pronunciation? Accent?

Shinki: low and surprisingly soft, he doesn’t talkmuch, but has the kind of voice that draws attention when he does! his speech tendsto be quite halting and slow though, since he likes to think very carefullybefore saying anything, doesn’t outwardly emote much, has a typical Suna accent,as do all the kids (which i generally imagine as like.. Iranian-ish, orsomething??)

Araya: he has a very sweet and gentle voice, not very high,but not low either, just a relaxed mid-level tone, it’s the kind of voice youcould easily fall asleep to bc it’s just so calm and soothing! whether it’sfast or slow depends mostly on Araya’s mood, he’s very expressive, so when he’shappy/excited he talks quicker and when he’s sad it slows down, even though hepretty much never shouts, you can tell when he’s really mad when he starts giving very short, abrupt sentences

Yodo: in the words of Shikadai, ‘Yodo sounds like whatyou’d get if you gave a hamster speed, put it in a blender and then put theblender in a washing machine’ (Yodo cackled about that analogy for three hours),her voice is high, squeaky and generally pretty grating, though how much of thatis natural and how much is put on to annoy everyone around her is debatable,she does speak in a much lower, calmer way when she’s relaxed and around herfamily though. talks super fast and loud, sometimes with a song-like rhythm andif she’s feeling something, you’re gonna know about it