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wendell-or-something · 5 years ago

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it is time.

I want to compile a more complete rundown of my thoughts about homestuck 2. I want all the stuff in my head to be in one place, and I know this is going to be incredibly long winded and I don’t care. I want to be honest... I want to understand why I don't like this media. on more than a "but of course" level because there are a lot of people who have it as a gut reaction that this stuff isn't right. but I think there are layers to what produces that. I wanna get in depth with this. so that's what I'm gonna attempt to do.

okay, so, the first thing I think I wanna say is a disclaimer. I have not actually read the epilogues. or homestuck 2. I have a peripheral knowledge of what happens in them because, as a concerned citizen, I poked around enough to pick up details and know that I wouldn't enjoy this media if I fully engaged with it. my assessment of the material may be flawed because of this, but I mean... if the things I've heard about the epilogues deterred me from reading it, then I guess that's what I'm analyzing? not only what I understand based on my limited knowledge, but also why it is so limited to begin with. why this media is such a huge deterrent to so many people who care so much about homestuck. ultimately, this is not to shame people who like this media... I will be addressing common takes I've heard from people who defend the epilogues, but I'm not singling anyone out, and anyone who reads this has a right to disagree, or better yet, ignore me and find enjoyment where you are able, even if I cannot. I will not begrudge you that. additionally, I am considering the epilogues and homestuck 2 to be one unit. not necessarily in terms of structure, but because the events of one lead directly into the events of the other, and the two have similar issues. I think I'll shorthand the combination of the two as EP/HS2 for simplicity, and refer to either individually if I have something specific to say about one or the other.

I think the main problem that people have with EP/HS2 is that it's depressing. and it's depressing for a myriad of different reasons, but I'll get to those in a minute. first I want to establish why them being depressing doesn't work for so many people. I feel like this should be examined first, because a lot of the supporters of EP/HS2 are viewing the complaints against it as over sensitivity from fans who only liked the comic for its lighter elements. I keep seeing a "y'all just wanted your rainbow cotton candy fluff ending" kind of sentiment going around. and like... you are right that this isn't a fluff ending. but I think it's unfair to treat the particular type of content that EP/HS2 brought to the table as the only kind of substantial, fulfilling narrative that we could've asked for.

and I think a lot of the dissonance that people see between homestuck and EP/HS2 is based in the ratio of tension to levity, and how far it's shifted toward pure tension... especially because, at the end of homestuck, all the outside threats to this group of friends have already been resolved. and yet, shit feels leagues more catastrophically bad during the epilogues than it did during the comic when the characters were actually under attack, which is super weird when you think about it. I mean, "epilogues" my ass, am I right? it is true that homestuck was never 100% sunshine and rainbows... in fact, some of the darker events that it brought to the table became some of the most hyped shit in the comic. murderstuck is mostly what I'm thinking of first in terms of this, but there was a lot of popular angst laden content within homestuck that the fans latched onto. the thing is, the fans also latched onto the content that was super goofy, and the fan works that you can still find online from the era of homestuck's initial popularity reflect both sides of its tone in equal measure. there was a huge amount of goofy fan content (octopimp's youtube channel is still a record of that, and that wasn't even the half of it). and there was a huge amount of angsty content, and there was a huge amount of heartfelt content... turns out, homestuck had broad appeal, and spoke to different people in different ways. and back then, I never really felt like the goofy stuff was being treated as any less important than the heavy stuff. it wasn't brushed off just because it was seen as lighthearted. people liked to laugh, and I fully believe that Andrew Hussie began doing homestuck as a fun activity.

the reason why I bring this up is because homestuck as a piece of media could beget all of these various takes. the fan works could be tonally dissonant when held side by side with each other, but when held against the parts of the comic that inspired them, they made perfect sense. homestuck could spawn jokes, and angst, and social commentary, and theories... and even extrapolation on canonical events, in ways both silly and serious. and when you look at the kind of content that the fans produced during homestuck's height, you see what was important to them. they put time and effort into crafting even their dumbest meme shit. the fans reflected what the comic gave to them. and humor and heart were among the most beloved core engagements that the comic provided... these were pillars on which a lot of fan enjoyment rested... you really can't begrudge a person their fun.

and treating darkness and angst as the sole indicator of maturity in a work seems misguided to me. because, speaking personally for a moment here, one of the biggest lessons I had to teach myself when I was growing up was how not to wallow in negative emotions. how to find the fun, sometimes rather aggressively, so that you don't just drown. and with EP/HS2, it feels like at every turn, readers are constantly grasping for something nice or fun to keep them afloat in all this heavy stuff, and either they come to accept mere scraps of positivity, or everything they reach for is eventually dissolved as well. and I think the character of a piece of media as a whole can sometimes tell you what level of maturity it's operating under. like, if the text lingers over making the characters miserable, or seems to revel in shooting holes in people's positive interpretations of these people, you have to kind of wonder if this is serving the narrative, or just producing author schadenfreude when they release what amounts to shock content.

it almost feels like a twisting of the way homestuck used to treat the fans, because during it's run, homestuck was very reactive towards the fanbase. this kind of canon responsiveness to the readers was baked into homestuck from the very beginning, back when Hussie was accepting reader suggestions for what John Egbert should do. and need I remind everyone that the trolls were made as parodies of different types of personalities that were common to find online during homestuck's era? they are internet trolls, who are actually an alien race known as trolls, who communicate primarily online, and whose culture and species developed to produce an ornery and antagonistic population, so like... it's trolls all the way down. that's the whole joke. but the real, valuable benefit of parodying your fans with your characters, is that when the trolls act, they reflect the way real people acted. which means that when, say, Nepeta shoehorns RP lingo into casual conversation, some people will be like "it me!" and some people will laugh/cringe because they've seen people actually talk like that, and some people will be like "aww, that used to be me!" and every time a character produces this sense of identification with the audience, it works to create familiarity, and eventually, a sense of fondness.

that fondness is fucking powerful.

that fondness is born out of recognition and empathy, no matter which character you feel it for, and when a giant community of people loves a character that you have seen yourself reflected in so clearly, that is an incredibly validating experience. especially when you’re young, and the pieces of yourself that you saw were some of the nerdiest, weirdest, most awkward parts of you. a very large community of people loves a character that is like you, even, or perhaps especially, because of the flawed parts. and of course these characters were meant to tease the fans a little... these characters were also jokes to some extent the whole time. but they were never seen as cruel or insulting, because these characters were also important. the story literally built whole worlds around their identities... these kids altered universes. and they were allowed to be that important and special without being perfect first. they were dumb, and awkward, and nerdy, and cringey, and allowed to be there anyway. they were you, and you were important.

and this is where I think that EP/HS2 really misses the point. because in homestuck, the characters experienced hardship, but that hardship went on to fuel an overall sense of accomplishment when it was overcome. the road might be long, and it might be tough, and you might face shit that you don't feel prepared for, but when triumph is achieved, it feels that much more earned. and that is a key phrase I want everyone to remember homestuck for:

triumph.

it's the feeling that cascade gave me. it is the highest of heights that this whole thing reached. and it really has so much to do with how homestuck had built itself up until that point. we were mired in the minutiae of these kids' lives. we read their every chat log. we saw them dicking around doing next to nothing. we saw them contact each other and talk to each other for basically no reason other than to catch up. we saw them sharing stupid memes, and yelling at each other for wasting time on pointless bullshit, and dunking on each other's shitty taste in media... every one of them was "you" at some point. "you captchaloged this" or "you decided to do that" and it made a subtle connection in your brain that convinced you to feel things with them and accept what they "decided" as something that you had done alongside them. in some small way, you did homestuck. and this notion was further supported by how much of what the fans were doing would make its way back into what the comic was doing. the comic and the fans existed in a kind of symbiosis, and that fed into the feeling of connection that the fans had with this particular story. this thing was alive, and it moved in tandem with the community.

so when something big like cascade happened, you were right there with them. you were deep in the center of it. and you wanted to be, because this was your payoff. you did the work with these kids... you put in the time. and the triumph was yours too.

this is why EP/HS2 shouldn't be depressing. the core of the story was triumph against all odds. to take the triumph that was earned over the course of the whole story, and ruin it for the sake of generating angst... it misses the point. I did not read all 8000+ pages of homestuck multiple times because I wanted a tragedy. if I wanted tragedy, I would choose a different story. of course a lot of fans would have trouble liking EP/HS2... this wasn't what they signed up for. it pulls the rug out from under the fans of the original comic by pulling a mean genre bait and switch. why would people who liked a story like homestuck want a story like this? and I mean, obviously some people were okay with this. some people like EP/HS2. but you have to admit that it is an entirely different thing than what homestuck was.

I’ve heard some folks try to compare the darker parts of EP/HS2 to the darker parts of homestuck, and this is why they aren't the same. the darkness performs different functions in each story. in homestuck, it contrasts the lighter parts and creates a reason to keep everyone moving. in EP/HS2, it is the whole darn thing. the story is simply woven from it to begin with. I have heard some people say that they think of EP/HS2 as cathartic... as a reflection of life when things are painful or hard. but I think we really need to remember what catharsis is. catharsis doesn’t begin and end with pain. catharsis has to do something with that pain, or it’s just pain for pain’s sake. and the further I look into EP/HS2, the more I feel like the story is just playing it straight as a tragedy... though sometimes I wonder if it knows this.

so let's pull apart the tragedy of EP/HS2. because while I don’t really enjoy tragedies, (hence why I liked homestuck, and didn’t like EP/HS2... they are opposites in this sense), I still understand how tragedies work. catharsis can be part of it... to see something sad happen, and relate to that sadness, and feel a deep emotion... that does make sense. but the line between catharsis and just plain agitation is whether or not the pain actually provides you with a sense of relief. if the story leaves the character stuck in a bad emotional place, you feel stuck too... unable to confront the emotional burden that the story has saddled you with in a satisfying way, because it isn't even your own. in real life, when you are hurt, at least you have the ability to do whatever you need for yourself, in order to eventually feel better. I have grieved before, and somehow found it in me to laugh again since. but in stories, you rely on the author to construct the characters' response to bad events, and if things just go from bad to worse, sometimes with little resistance, the audience is eventually going to feel really agitated by the lack of relief. even stories that end in death provide catharsis due to the finality of it. the life ends, and provides a sense of closure. but EP/HS2 doesn’t give you an out. it just keeps driving many of the characters into more and more mundanely uncomfortable and dissatisfying lives, or turns them into people we would rather not know or read about.... which feels like a loss to the reader, even though the character is right there. at that point, the character's presence only makes you feel worse because they used to be someone you liked, but now they're just a reminder of your disappointment. and this level of your emotional discomfort isn't even something that the narrative will address, because it's just a side effect of how things are going. it isn't poetic, and there is no real comfort given to lighten that load... it's just unpleasant.

and on a more technical level, I would like to point out that stories create a kind of transaction between author and reader. and once you understand the status quo between you and a particular author, you can gauge the level of investment you feel safe putting in the characters. at their core, it stands to reason that stories should require conflict to be interesting. but in order to stay interesting, they also need to give us a reason to care about the conflict. in homestuck, I felt like the story set up a status quo in which we felt comfortable caring about certain characters, because we subtly trusted that the author wasn't wasting our time or jerking us around. like, you knew that a lot of crazy shit was on the table, but it felt like the story was growing, the author was interested in that growth, and thus he would not kill it. even if you couldn't begin to guess what was gonna happen next, you at least didn't have to worry about the author hugely ruining things that you liked about the story. he seemed like he liked those things too. we were all on the same page in that regard.

this is where character investment was very important to homestuck... the readers needed something to hang on to, or they'd lose interest in what was going on, and in homestuck specifically, the thing that kept us hanging on, was our love for these characters, and our wish to see them prevail against the odds. we were hoping for a satisfying ending, and interested in how we'd get there. and by now, I think homestuck fans in particular are very determined to stick to the characters by nature. if we weren't, then we would've been bored out of reading the comic in the first place back in act 1, when the most exciting thing that had happened was John going through his house and finding his dad in the kitchen. if you don't love John at least a little, you won't want to keep reading about him picking up items and describing them to you for a whole chapter, with not but the entertainment value of his character's particular perspective and voice to sustain you.

obviously, character investment isn't always a story's draw... but it was definitely homestuck’s. and even giving EP/HS2 the benefit of the doubt... let's say we're just judging it on the merits of being a tragic story. there are many levels of engagement that a story can hit, and in a lot of tragedies, the interest comes from the machinations of the plot. you already know it's going to end sadly, but you have the ability to process the sadness (a negative emotional experience and potential reader deterrent) while still maintaining interest, because you want to know how it will happen. it is unfortunate then, that EP/HS2 isn't a stand alone story, independent from homestuck itself. because if you tell a homestuck fan that the story will now only end in sadness, they likely won't want to know how it happens. because they already decided to like and relate to these characters, and wish for their happiness. they were taught it was okay to hope for that, based on the way the story used to be. basically, one of the essential appeals of homestuck (character investment) is actively working against the core appeal of a tragedy (understanding how sad events came to pass) because homestuck's appeal worked so well to begin with. it's basically nonsensical to try and jump track from one to the other, because the reader is much more likely to fall off the wagon entirely, and ignore your story in order to preserve their enjoyment of the story they already consumed.

but to get way more blunt about this... homestuck was good, and ruining what it left us with was unpopular for obvious reasons. fans were successfully invested in the story, the final triumphant payoff was a satisfying way to cap the narrative, and honestly... I think homestuck probably should've just stopped while the vibes were good. people were satiated. they were sad that it was over, but the sadness came from fondness, and that just sort of felt appropriate. we had it so good.

the transaction between author and reader was stable at that point. we had conflict. we had a reason to care. we got a resolution. there was a level of trust established, and honored... we trusted that there was a rhythm to the story. a push and pull between the kind of threat that would necessitate action from our heroes, and the ability of the characters to overcome the conflict well enough that we'd be left with something satisfying in the end. this trust no longer exists in EP/HS2. the epilogues broke it, and homestuck 2 has failed to repair it because, to be honest, it was already too badly damaged. it would take a full retcon to actually bring that back after the epilogues, but then it uh... screwed the pooch all over again. sorry, that was insensitive.

anyway. so like... what about the particulars of the story's content? I mean... I know I'm dissatisfied because a lot of the characters have been blatantly destroyed. Dirk will be my example for this bit, I mean, just look at him. in one epilogue route he commits suicide, and by making Ult. Dirk a thing, they effectively unestablished the identity of Dirk as he was in homestuck. and my limited knowledge of the epilogues doesn't allow me to really know about this, but was there even any acknowledgement of how death works in homestuck? Dirk must've known that if he killed himself, he'd end up as a ghost out in the dream bubbles. that is still a thing, right? Dave could've gone looking for him. considering Dirk's pesterquest route, he should've wanted to. and see, there's an example of what might've approached catharsis in a situation like that... pain, but also a human person dealing with that pain in a way that feels like fulfillment. but as far as I've heard, the story didn't go there? so it's just pain for pain's sake... or maybe just a bid to get rid of the more complex version of his character and replace him with an anime villain. and the method doesn't even make any sense, like, Dirk is the last character that would ever commit suicide because, by his own canonical words, he is scared to not exist. he literally couldn't bring himself to destroy the AR because of this, in spite of having every technical and emotional reason to want to. this is a major pain point for him, and I know it's typical to think of someone with self hatred wanting to kill themselves, but Dirk is a particularly different case. he should not be shoved into such an ill fitting generic narrative for shock value.

and beyond that, let's say you're someone who identified with Dirk. let's say that when homestuck said "you are now Dirk Strider" you were like "oh fuck I kinda am tho" and you were invested in him ever since. let's say that the points of investment you felt with him were in his troubles with self loathing, his fear of not existing, or his trouble communicating his true feelings to others. this is a rather dismal end for Dirk to have come to... and a rather dismal story for you to read if you still relate to this character. if you're coming off the end of homestuck still securely relating to him as heavily as you did when he was allowed to triumph, how fucking bad is it gonna feel to see him so thoroughly obliterated? to whiplash so hard from a perceived success to such abject failure is just mean. this story is so mean now, like, everyone's got the bug it seems.

and not only do several characters perish (literally, or by being mismanaged) for cheap drama in EP/HS2, but some just turn into shitty people? like, Rose recently revealed that she cheated on Kanaya. I simply hate the idea that Rose would grow up to be the type of person who would do that. I remember Rose in acts 1 through 5 being the kind of person who had misguided ideas about what course of action she thought would be effective. she would make some pretty big decisions, and act on destructive impulses, often in spite of what her friends thought was safe. in essence, I can see where the authors of homestuck 2 would get the idea of Rose going off and doing big shit without telling people. but this ignores why she was so determined to do any of that stuff in the first place... Rose was just as invested in protecting the people she cared about as anyone. and besides that, I thought her arc in those early acts had taught her something about that approach? I thought she got closer to people, to the point where they could voice a concern and she'd listen.

in regards to her relationship with Kanaya in particular, there's a huge difference between knowing someone for a day at the age of 13, and spending 3 more years getting to know and love that person before deciding to marry them. so even if this was the reflection of a quality that Rose had back then, I thought she grew past it... she had ample time and opportunity... we even watched her get better about this sort of thing. literally this rolls back her character development to when she was a child, and makes her a shitty adult. and if I’m being really scathing here, I might as well say that this feels like an example of that thing that stories sometimes do, where they only care about a relationship while the characters are struggling to get together. and then once they are together, it timeskips past their relationship being functional and lands you at a point where they're experiencing turbulence. at which point it leverages their relationship trouble for drama, rather than letting the two function well as a unit against an outside threat of some kind. like, no happy couples exist in fiction! gotta wring your conflict out of the fact that they’re falling apart! it feels like they’re being exploited by the writers.

and worst of all... this betrayal of trust by Rose either ruins Rose and Kanaya's marriage, or makes Kanaya seem like a fool. I keep thinking back to their time on the meteor, when Rose asked if Kanaya was breaking up with her because they finally reached that tipping point where Rose's drinking had to be acknowledged as a problem. and Kanaya said that no, she wasn't breaking up with her, and stuck with Rose because she was dedicated to loving her even if that meant helping her with a serious problem. that was such a strong character moment for Kanaya. it displayed her loyalty and dedication to Rose, but also a nuanced understanding of when a problem can actually be solved by dedicated effort. having her be so committed to staying with Rose in spite of Rose's transgressions is like a perversion of those positive qualities. now it just feels like Kanaya is irrationally willing to put up with anything from Rose, no matter how egregious. it takes a trait that was so nice about Kanaya, and uses it in such an upsetting way... and honestly, there was no reason to do that.

but this is a huge problem with EP/HS2... there's like, juuuuuust enough of a through line for people to think that it makes sense. so when I try to say that the characters are just better people than this, and that they're smart enough to do the most basic fundamental things to prevent pain in people that they care about... when I say I believe in the integrity of these characters, I could very well get someone adamantly insisting that I was just being naive. that sometimes, in reality, people disappoint you. what can I even do about that, without sounding like I'm in denial, or like I'm only interested in liking these characters when all their rough spots are smoothed away? how can I begin to articulate that these aren't decisions being made by the characters... they're decisions being made by authors who I don't trust for exactly this reason. and I very especially hate this because just... no! I know what these characters' flaws actually were! and what their strengths were! I had a solid read on their identity, because homestuck was so friggin good at establishing that! I know that a huge part of Rose coming into her own was learning how to cut all the snarky passive aggressive sarcasm and just be honest about her feelings... something that she actually advocated for when talking to Dave, but also had to learn to do herself. the logical escalation of Rose’s character would be a trend toward more openness... but also, just in general, Rose never had a kindness problem. like, I guess that’s the biggest thing I have an issue with. Rose was never this unkind.

it just feels like the writers want us to believe that not only was Kanaya played for a fool, but we were as well. we thought Rose was better than this. we thought we were better judges of character than this. and honestly... we were! the writing was not on the wall about this development. but that just doesn't mean anything because EP/HS2 said that it happened.

and this also harms the relatability of Rose for the people who used to identify with her. I'm not saying she has to be perfect... obviously, characters can and should be flawed. and characters can have flaws that you don't perfectly relate to the specifics of. Rose developed a drinking problem at a young age, which a few people might've related to, but it's very specific. but if you broaden the implications of that in the context of a story... a ton of people will be able to relate to the concept of developing an unhealthy coping mechanism, or doing something you don't really enjoy just to relate to a relative who has been distant to you for whatever reason, or even just having a complicated relationship with a parent. so what if you apply this kind of broadened meaning to Rose's cheating? the idea that she is not trustworthy. that she hides major, life altering information from people who are very close to her and should've been told. that she doesn't trust her partner, and would rather sneak around and hide this for years, rather than either letting her partner be involved in this part of her life, or accepting that her partner isn't comfortable with this development and respecting that boundary. this sort of thing is really alienating to people who know that they themselves are better than this. and “alienating” is the exact antithesis of what homestuck always was to the people who loved it.

what's especially interesting to me, is that the effects of this alienation actually come through in the way that people talk about EP/HS2 nowadays. I don't know if anyone has noticed this trend yet, but people tend to talk about the events of EP/HS2 as decisions made by writers, rather than decisions made by characters. which is weird, because people didn't do that so much with homestuck. and for this I wanna break out Vriska as an example. a lot of people like Vriska, and a lot of people hate Vriska. she's controversial. but no matter what, people always take Vriska's actions as though they're hers. and if they hate what Vriska does in the story, then they hate Vriska. not Hussie, for writing her that way. not even the vague concept of the narrative. they consider Vriska's actions to actually belong to her and form her identity, which they then pass judgment on, one way or another. Hussie is even a character that canonically exists within homestuck, and nobody ever thought to blame him, in universe, for being the origin of Vriska as a trouble causing entity in the story. compare that with how many times you'll see someone say that they don't like what the EP/HS2 writers have done with Rose, Jade, Jane, etc.... they tend not to actually level blame at the characters themselves. obviously this does vary a lot from person to person, but as a vague trend, I would say that people are starting to detach themselves from the characters, or at least detach the characters from their actions in EP/HS2. and to me it reads as a bit of a defense mechanism. it is a degree of separation that lets these characters keep their integrity, and the potential for positive development that they had when homestuck initially ended. it is a trend that, to me, proves the point that the level of pain for pain's sake in this story is too much. without relief, people disengage. even if they want to keep up with how the characters are doing, they no longer want to buy into the narrative's reality... so they acknowledge the author, and the fact that this is fiction. they remove themselves from the act of being invested. and the more adamantly you see people doing this, the more uncomfortable you can assume it feels for these people to buy into the events of the story and treat them as real.

to jump track to another odd point that I think creates a further barrier between cast and audience... has anyone noticed the age of the main cast's children that we've seen appear so far? all of them seem to be similar to the ages of the beta kids when we first met them. they're teenagers. and that means that, if my knowledge is correct, we kinda skipped a chunk of these people's lives. we never really spent time seeing the original homestuck kids as new parents... we never saw them raising their babies. and I get that this is an odd complaint, but it's an example of the story not growing with its audience. it's missing a huge opportunity, not only to show us this portion of their lives, but to fill in with some major world building when it comes to Earth C. are we supposed to assume that absolutely none of the main cast of homestuck made any new friends on Earth C? did they not explore what kind of culture popped up on this planet? what if one of the main cast had gone out and met someone totally new to befriend or love on this planet? but no... we're strictly only interested in the original cast and their kids, which they only ever had with each other, and nobody is really friends anymore, but nobody has met anyone new either... basically depression and isolation is the only option for these characters if the writers aren't willing to actually let them live in the world they're living in. and besides that, at time of writing, there is one friend of mine from my friend group that is just now planning on getting married. he'll be the first of all of us. and while he and his fiancé want kids pretty quickly once they're settled down, it still hasn't even happened yet. we're in our late 20s. and believe me, I understand the desire to timeskip to when the kids are old enough to be full people, but you have to remember not only that there are other ways to introduce new characters, but also who we're even trying to relate to here. is it the new kids, or their parents? because most of us aren't parents yet, much less the parents of teenagers, but we aren’t teenagers anymore either, and this isn’t framed as their story anyway. how are the majority of homestuck’s older fans represented in EP/HS2?

and when EP/HS2 skips the portion of these characters' lives that we, in real life, are actually living, it subtly hints that a story that would reflect what our lives are like isn't interesting, and tells us that not much good is expected to be waiting in our futures either. and the bigger problem with that is that the writing decisions in EP/HS2 represent the authors' answer to the question: how do we make this interesting? clearly they didn't think that anyone would be satisfied with a nice little romp through the lives these characters might've built. like, a slice of life type of story? or maybe something with a smaller stakes conflict? I dunno why, but my first thought was like... what if Jane ended up actually becoming a detective, and the story just had an intermission-style detour into her solving a case or something? at least a weird, hyper specific detour like that would signal that we care about what she's doing... that'd be fine by me! but they couldn't even give us something that would frame her as a good person... they just treated her like she never got un-possessed by the Condesce, and called it a day. it just feels like these are authors who wouldn't be satisfied with a story that lets the characters be at ease in their private lives. peace is something that is off the table, like, if the characters are living good, satisfying lives, we will never hear about it because apparently that counts as nothing to report.

but also... in the absence of the larger plot machinations that SBURB provided, what was left to create a struggle for these characters to face? it couldn't be Jack Noir, Lord English, the Condesce... those threats all got resolved. and they couldn’t let the characters exist in any facsimile of peace. so the writers needed something to stir things up. and in trying to find a new challenge to drive the story, they dug into the stuff that, in my opinion, should not have been used in this way. they began grasping at character drama, trying to wring conflict out of the deterioration of the relationships between the characters.

but at the same time, they're trying to capture the grandeur of homestuck during its more iconic moments. and okay, this is a pretty far out there speculation, but I've always made this observation about homestuck, and the way it got popularized. early on, fans would get into it with no real idea of how big or ambitious the story was going to be. going into act 1 blind, you wouldn't suspect this comic of being much more than a quirky, funny little weekly strip, set up for the sole purpose of making weird jokes about Nic Cage or Harry Anderson. then you get to the big shit. which in act 1 could just be the meteor destroying John's house. but that's a pretty impressive amount of escalation based on the expectations you had. fast forward to a bigger moment, like the reveal that the trolls' SGRUB session created the human universe, and you're super excited about this. so you tell whoever will listen that they should really read homestuck! and maybe they listen, and they go to page one and... well... they seem kind of unimpressed by the way the comic looks. this is what all the hype was about? and you really wanna sell it to them, so you're like, no, seriously, it gets so much better. and maybe you show them bits like the LOWAS walk around flash game, or maybe [S] make her pay, or something. and they're like, whoa, the comic gets like that? so perhaps they slog through the early acts, or maybe they just skip to the trolls and double back when they're confused enough... but either way, the comic's selling point is now it's climax, not the buildup.

and the problem with viewing the comic this way is that homestuck is both things. proportionally, homestuck is actually way more composed of the tedious little stuff than the grand big stuff. but homestuck was popularized via the grand big stuff, and sometimes I feel like EP/HS2 is attempting to fill itself with big stuff like that, but it isn't doing the legwork right. it's using character drama to fuel itself, but it's also trying to be highly epic in terms of its presentation. the lack of contrast flattens everything out, and as I described earlier, the story no longer has that essential push and pull between the terrorizing forces that threaten the characters/raise the stakes, and the unity and likability of the cast that makes you care about their struggle/gets you invested in seeing the conflict resolved. and I just wanna point out that those little interstitial bits... the ones that are typically viewed as the stuff you have to slog through in order to get to the interesting part? those were our main source of knowledge when it came to the characters. it's how we got invested in them and came to know that we liked or related to them in the first place.

the larger ramifications of this lean away from the little things, while also leaning into character drama to fuel conflict in the plot, leads to the overuse of bombastic character drama. sensationalized character drama. everything is always a huge fucking deal, while also being primarily concerned with the existing characters, rather than any kind of outside threat. so what are the tools? a wedding? a funeral? terminal illness, betrayal, a change in ideology that creates a schism... the loss of identity. all these high drama moments that generate conflict by sacrificing the bonds these characters shared. you know... letting that core piece of investment self destruct. the story is basically eating itself in order to sustain its momentum, but there's basically no point anymore. it's been gutted of the stuff that really mattered.

so why did everything go so badly? why do half of the characters not even like each other anymore? why do we not even like half of them anymore? why did the writers feel the need to dismantle them like this? well, because what else do we have to work with... how do you introduce a new threat to these characters without it being either SBURB all over again, or something entirely different that just makes these characters seem overwhelmingly put upon by the universe, like, more than any other individuals that have ever existed. it's actually a very rudimentary power escalation problem. gotta find that next level of bigger problem to set on everyone.

but do you wanna know what kind of homestuck fan I’ve been since the very beginning? I started reading homestuck 9 years ago. I think I was like 16 or 17? and at first I wasn’t sure how to interact with the comic, so I went to the “about” section of the website. it told me, in a broad sense, what mspaintadventures.com was, as a collection of work, and suggested that I begin by reading problem sleuth. not knowing that it wasn’t part of homestuck, I did just that. I read all of it. before I even got to homestuck. I am a fan that lives for the small, stupid, tedious fucking around. the slow buildup of total bullshit... the complex setup that gives you a million microscopic payoffs on it’s way to god knows what end goal. it’s like watching an explosion in reverse. all the tiny little pieces fly chaotically together and coalesce into a whole story, and you got to watch it build itself, piece by tiny little piece. I live and breathe for that level of detail. and the most fun I ever had with the story was when the characters were wandering around an environment, exploring and using various objects to set up these wacky chain reactions, half of which you’d never see coming, but which would all retroactively make sense in the end.

what I’m saying is that small scale conflict is interesting. and there are whole genres that build themselves off of this. I actually think that in certain instances, homestuck may fall under the slice of life genre. and slice of life is largely misunderstood as a rather bland genre, but the appeal is watching people with personalities that you enjoy. you watch them live their lives, and you go along for the ride. true slice of life is not a soap opera... it’s just enjoying the company of people who happen to be fictional. there's always been an element of that in homestuck... these were characters that you could see yourself getting along with if you met them. they were entertaining because of how they saw the world... how you would see the world if you were looking through their eyes. and homestuck gave you that opportunity. sometimes, that actually is all that you need.

I'm not saying that homestuck's ideal form is as a purely slice of life type of story... but wasn't that kind of what a lot of the fan works felt like? little comics about funny scenarios, or preexisting comedy bits with roles assigned to the characters they reminded you of... that stuff was the form that fun took for the fans of this comic. why is that so easily dismissed as frivolous? why is it so bad to want a little of that back? sometimes, you do wanna get into the hard stuff. maybe you wanna see Dave and Dirk have a conversation where they both admit that all they wanted as kids was a brother, and neither felt like they got to have that, but in very different ways. maybe you wanna see Roxy and Rose compare their similar feelings of estrangement, and explore the emotions that led them into their respective struggles with alcohol. maybe you wanna see John have a moment of sadness when he decides he wants to raise a kid, because he misses his own dad, and while Jane's dad is definitely family, he isn't the guy that actually raised John for the first 13 years of his life. maybe you wanna see Jade get inordinately clingy with every single one of her friends until one of them finally voices a concern about needing some space, only to see a glimpse of Jade's absolute terror at the thought of being alone again. and that pain is something that could definitely find a place in a story with more actual down time. maybe these moments of actually cathartic lingering pain could be explored with sensitivity in a story that gives them room to breathe. if the writers played their cards right and let the characters heal in meaningful ways, they might've even gotten tears of happiness out of a few of us. wouldn't that have been wild.

I just hate the idea that something is more realistic if it's dark. that's not true at all. I understand where the sentiment comes from. I understand the merits of taking an unflinching look at hard truths. but cynicism is not the same as realism. and realistically, people will try hard to seek good things for themselves in life. and even if they miss the mark... even if they fall into depression, or lack the ability to make their dreams a reality, these particular characters had already sought and found good people. people who would, realistically, absolutely help a friend if they needed it. I know this, because I watched them do that. the whole first five acts were literally about the trolls yelling at the humans because there was a huge problem that they blamed the kids for causing, and what did these kids do? they said "hey wait, let's fix that" and they did. even though the trolls made a horribly rude first impression. even though it was monumentally challenging. these kids have fought and died for each other's sake. they are family. if not by blood then by bond. and when that part of a story resonates with an audience, it is valuable.

I feel like I shouldn't have to defend the value of connecting positively with an audience. I get that this may be kind of a hokey take... I get that the people who currently like EP/HS2 will probably think I'm asking for something far too saccharine. but at this point I don't even care. once again, this is just my personal opinion, long and rant-like though it may be. and clearly it will change nothing about the current state of homestuck's most canon non-canon continuation. I guess my one major frustration is the extent to which some people have bought into what I consider to be blatant character defamation. it pains me when people talk about the actions of some of the characters in EP/HS2, because while many blame the writers for the unsettling behavior displayed by them in EP/HS2, some will readily consider this to be where the kids from the early acts really ended up as people.

#homestuck #homestuck^2 #fair warning this is all criticism #don't like don't read #and all that jazz #I'm pinning this post cuz I don't wanna lose it #because looking at it will be my self control when I wanna rant about it again and I know I will #like no you asshole you already ranted you don't have to do it again #cw: suicide #I legit forgot to tag that til I went to get a shower and realized halfway through #I basically info dumped all this here and then my head was well and truly empty #also #cw: cheating #?#idk that's the only other thing I can think of that I discussed here which might be a problem for some folks #btw subtle tag whispering that the reblog with tags explaining where a couple of the things I mentioned were addressed a little was nice #I knew I wouldn't get everything spot on... this is definitely criticism coming from a not 100% informed place #but yeah... I still kinda feel like even if the epilogues acknowledge the writer as an entity that differs from the characters...#that just kind of doubles down on the inability of fans to engage? like it cements it.#and even if meat does focus on their 20s while candy timeskips (which I wasn't aware of) like...#look at what happened to meat #look because I don't want to lol #is there anybody left who isn't sad?#cuz real talk I like using happy characters as wish fulfillment when I'm sad #and seeing a character get challenged and still come out with some determined positive energy... I love that #anyone remember when Aradia went god tier? I was overjoyed #literally all it took was her beating apathy and regaining her personhood #I love that stuff #god fucking damn it I'm still ranting what is even up with that

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batfam-big-bang · 4 years ago

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Mod Zara: what vibes do the other mods have?

VIBECHECK TIME

I spent two?? whole days on this I hope you like it (here’s a tip, you better)

(also Mod Zara sounds so formal call me zara or z please)

Lucy: Lawful evil || chaotic neutral. Smol chaos child, acts older than you when it pleases her, evil gremlin child when it pleases her, is an actual babey, always acts high (don’t fight w me on this you know i’m right), may rip your heart out if she’s in the mood, never give this child coffee she already bounces off walls enough, seems nice and quiet at first sight but once you get closer she will spam you in the middle of the night with fucking puns (i s2s loons), an Asshole but we love her for it, steals all our brain cells, probably the lovechild of Satan and God, my better half (but like isn’t everyone), has the best insults so do not mess with her, may go on a murder spree occasionally, great for if you want to trashtalk someone she has good listening skills, v anxious but don’t let that fool you, Cryptidness Is Life, will never admit it but she’s adorable, especially when she’s worried, oh yeah she gets worried a lot (mostly for me), has the second-most dirty mind after me, has the second-most dark mind after me (wow i’m finally good at things), will fuck you up if you insult/hurt any of her friends, will help you hide a dead body no questions asked

Overall vibe: chaotic af, will make friends with you no matter what, that is a threat.

Jay: True neutral || lawful evil. The teenager who seems great at first sight but look closely and you’ll see that they actually have no idea how to life. best at socializing out of all of us (either that or we’re just anxious little shits), the annoying elder sibling who you always fight with but would give up your life for, Lively with a capital L, does the dumbest things for the best reasons, somehow still alive, will argue with you over anything if she feels like it (yes this is true no i’m not removing it), says she’s a Horrible Role Model but actually has really great life advice (i can’t believe I actually complimented you without you prompting me to do so), practically Satan except dumber, has zero (0) brain cells but still smarter than all of us combined except for Shelby and sometimes Mel, lovable asshole, would die for you if she liked you enough, sometimes blocks me if i irritate her (yes i will die mad about that), Intimidating af, but once you know her you’ll see that she basically runs on caffeine and is (mostly) harmless, may hiss at you tho, will eat popcorn while you hide the body

Overall vibe: A cinnamon roll but could and probably would murder you if you get on her bad side, Not To Be Messed With, still Part Himbo.

Shelby: Neutral good || lawful neutral. silent and brooding type but probably gives like the best hugs, Responsible Adult™, actually just very tired of all shit, doesn’t bat an eye at the weird shenanigans we get up to, Calmness 3000, it’s probably all a front tbh (i know your secrets Shelbs), secretive but not on purpose, may be a secret agent or something who knows (mission impossible blasts in the background), loves us all very much, i think, once again they’re very secretive, seems sketchy at first, but like a huge sweetie, somehow always online??? (do you ever sleep wtf), above all basic human functions and needs, most Productive, like literally, jay and them do all the work while us gremlins cheer in the background. they’re like that eldest child who’s best at everything and hogs all the attention from the parents, except here they sort of are the parent, 10/10 parenting tho, would def recommend. shelby is probably the nicest out of all of us, i have never ever sworn at them and that’s saying something.only one who has a separate brain cell, still shares it with all of us, probably tired of all our shit, should have been the eldest (mel take notes). probably tired of all our shit, counters all the waves of chaos with the Shield of Peace, Sword Of Patience and an aspirin before bed. will keep you safe in their house while the cops look for you

Overall vibe: chill 24/7, always there in the background (we practically know all your spotify playlists by now), takes no shit in the nicest way possible

Mel: Neutral good || lawful evil. has no common sense at all. a life? what is that?. is somehow the eldest idek who made her that, in my opinion she should be youngest she’s adorable and a sweetie, she will ofc deny that, maybe swear at you a little. the very epitome of anxious shy ready to cry but will try and fail to whoop your ass (you know you’ll fail you’re literally 5′5 5′6), vibes with you the most, acts sane but hoo boy it’s all a lie, Boomer To An Extreme, cannot technology, calls everyone babe (not really anything to do with vibe but i love it), thinks she’s not chaotic (*camera pans to all the times she’s spammed the gc in the middle of the fucking night bouncing fic ideas off of jay and shelbs*). survives mainly on pbj sandwiches, caffeine, and validation. she’s like that disaster aunt who’s trying to get her life together and faling miserably but we won’t focus on that, said aunt is the same one who lets you have a sip of alcohol at dinner, occasionally has midlife crises even though she’s like twenty (but who am i to say that), will protect you with her life, will blush when you compliment her no matter what (it’s fun to see her flustered), no brain head empty but 24/7/365, will never do anything illegal but will support you no matter what, oh yeah she’s the most supportive too (”hey tia i killed a man” “great! have a biscuit”), tired college student who just wants to make it through life with stability of any sort, majorly pissed off with cishet white male authors and will go in an unpromted rant about them, may fight god if you ask her to, No Communication Skills but she tries her best y’all, great at pep talks and raising morale. Would lie to the police about your whereabouts in order to keep you safe.

Overall vibe: basically a cat except shows more love, must protecc at all costs, Incompetent Adult yet still the parent somehow

This was fun.

#anonymous #bbb ama #mod z #this has been a callout post #vibe checks

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chokememrstark · 6 years ago

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Its funny to see these anti Thorki people just saying we are satans and disgusting and shit. We arent hurting anyone, THEYRE NOT BLOOD BROTHERS and the fact that there are people who dont see the energy between them and chemistry that is between Thor and Loki is sad.

Let's leave the "they're not blood brothers" out of the equation, because even if they were it wouldn't change a thing. I said it before and I'll say it again: Thor and Loki love each other more than they could ever love anyone else, that's canon. They have the most intense chemistry in the entirety of the MCU and that's canon too.

Those Antis use the easiest and dumbest excuses they can find because they don't have any valid ones to bash on Thorki. They're jealous and uneducated and live in a tiny bubble where everything that doesn't confirm to their idea of purity is dangerous and problematic and comes straight from hell. This is why engaging with them is absolutely useless, they are literally incapable of understanding the most simple concepts of life.

You can hate a ship without being a whiny little anti about it, it's the easiest thing in the world. But why should they do that if their hateful behavior and harassment gives them so much attention? They a little bratty children and go by 'even negative attention is attention'. Just look at their ages, most of them are way below 20 and have exactly zero life experience. They are spoiled, uneducated kids who think they can get away with sending death threats, but if someone turns the tables they will throw a hissy fit because that's haRaSSmeNT how DARE YOU I'M A MINOR YOU ARE SO MEAN!!!111!!!

It's easier to see Antis as what they truly are: sad little crybabies that are not worth working yourself up over. Laugh about their stupidity and their dumb opinions, but don't take anything they accuse you of serious. Their hate is all they have to feel special, harassing others online is all the attention they ever get. They life sad and pitiful lives and aren't worth our time or that we allow them to make us feel bad.

#Thorki #Antis #they are so weak really #completely incapable of life #they will learn it the hard way one day I promise

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justfullofsheehs · 6 years ago

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These btches are so funny. Bat ba apektadong apektado kayo sa presence ko ha? When in fact, I never tried to shine naman or brag on your clique way back. Di ko kasalanan na kayo nakaka pansin ng mga gamit ko or make up ko na never ko namang pinagyabang sa inyo lol

When putting me on shame on fb was the only thing they can do, kasi they expect na mapapaiyak nila ko which I never did, is so much desperate. When the sem was still on-going, I would saw them on the campus then I will stare at them pero sila will act like they never saw me kasi we used to be sort-of friends kaya they know pano ko maging kaaway and I know they fear that if I would come after them and ma-caught off guard sila cause they wouldn’t know how to react eh sure mapapahiya sila sakin. I remember when there was this time na I was looking for them to confront (kasi this one minion was not answering my pm to her when I asked her kung may prob sya/ sila saken, not even seen the msg) tapos you know na nagtatago talaga sila cause kapag nakita nila ko on the stairs bigla na lang silang magddisappear so I could not go after them is tickling my heart how coward shit btches they are tapos when I approached them inside the room their leader didnt want to talk to me and sinasabi na magllunch daw sila??? Lol gurl yun reaction nyo non sobrang funny kasi super natatakot kayo and her minions there were acting to minding their own business pero guess what makikita mo magpost and magccomment sa isa’t isa sa fb and twitter feeling almighty and kala mo talagang nadadarag nila ko when in fact ignoring me and parinig at socials were the only best way they can do. Para kang nanunuod ng comedy show sa mga to eh. Joke time always. Silly how your minion look after you so much, and sobrang badass btch yung image mo sa kanila pero when I saw you face to face di ka man lang makapag eye contact? Screams bullshit. Namimili talaga sila ng mga kaya lang nilang itarget and iintimidate and obvsly I ain’t one of em. Their leader even blocked my parents, my boyfriend or even my bestfriends and of course me sa page nya tapos magppost sya ng shit post about me ng naka friends yung audience? Gurl, you think I’m threatened? Kanino moko napahiya? Sa angkan nyo? Dlsud community? Sa mga kabatch natin? Hun, let me enlighten you by saying I never give a damn care. Plus, even if you did that naman, they could still see my stories having fun and partying so sino loser? I wish you posted it public tho, so you’ll know pano hinandle ng tatay ko yung case para napahiya kayo. Pero again you didn’t, cause ofc lakas lakasan kuno ka lang naman talaga. You even made up stories sa mga replies mo sa mga nagccomment sa shit post mo. Nasigawan daw ako ng prof kaya ako nag aattitude which I wasn't naman talaga and pano ko masisigawan sa dept? Get your fact straight gurl. Sa sobrang gusto mong magmukang mas mataas saken, you’ll do desperate move such as telling things that didn’t happen. Poor poor thing — literal.

When that shit didn’t affect our nerves, you be friends with one of the girls na ghinosting ng boyfie ko that you know I rly hate. Kasi nga diba we are sort-of friends way back kaya you guys heard my rants about that ugly thing. Kasi bat di ako maiirita dun? Gurl, di ka maganda which I know you know too, or you are not even to consider a threat sa rel namin kasi diba gurl iniwan ka ni Ren kasi ayaw nya na sayo? Did he ever tried to win you back? Diba hindi? Diba when he still tryna date you, nilalandi nya na yung gurl na classmate nya so sabay kayo? And diba when you are guys dating ikaw yung nagppay para sa food nyo or pati pamasahe pa ata? Diba ikaw pa yung pumunta ng school nila kasi ganon ka kadesperado for ren? Even his college friends told me that. So pano ka magiging threat when he never loved you in the first place? He just dated you for fun, for boredom so gurl use your brain. Who do you think you are??? May sinabi sya sayo? Naniwala ka? If he rly meant those words, sana pinursue ka nya kagaya ng pagppursue nya saken whenever I shut him off my life. The thing that irritates me is the fact that you still tryna get your presence sa buhay nya. I remember checking ren fb bago palang kaming magjowa non tapos when his tropa will comment sa post mo na niyaya ka lumabas, gustong gusto mong isama si ren diba? Always yon. But you never heard anything from me that time. Diba kahit you know that I exist, you still chat just anytime you want feeling still friends with him? Like gurl, alam kong walang pumapansin sayo, nasa aura mo naman and obvious pero puta respeto wala ka? And no matter how many times ren change his phone number diba natatawagan mo parin by asking his tropa about it. Para saan? Tapos I remember when ren made twitter acc which you and I followed each other way back, kung di mo ko talaga iniistalk how would you know he have acc na finallow mo pa kung di mo tinitignan mga nagrreply sa tweets ko? Meron pa ngang instance when you will read convos i tweeted na kahit naka sticker yung other part ng msg dinidig mo pa. Stalker much? Idol moko? Gusto mo autograph? So tell me, are we really dragging you into our fights? Cause obviously dumbass, you the one to put yourself into it. And with that i hope you get back to your senses kung gano ka kadesperado bago ka mag aso samen ng ganyan.

Back to my fake friends being friends with this trying hard, they get her to be one of their minions lol and syempre this dumbass agreed naman cause what to expect sa mga ganyan tao na nagccrave to be one of squad para mapansin. Then this gurl naman made an issue na sinisiraan ko daw sya? First things first. Gurl, are you even real? If sinisiraan mo yung tao that is cause diba you want someone go down? And WHY WOULD I WANT YOU GO DOWN WHEN YOU ARE NOT EVEN WAY ABOVE ME OR AT THE SAME LEVEL WITH ME IN THE FIRST FCKING PLACE? Damn, you out of your low iq level mind. And just guess what, for the nth time ren change his number syempre ikaw malandi ka kahit may bf kana tinawagan mo bf ko para umiyak telling him I was making dummies and telling you things. Diba you told him pa nga na isusuplong mo yung case na sinisiraan kita kasi akala mo kakampihan ka nya pero di sya naniwala sayo tapos SABI NG BOYFRIEND KO KUNG TALAGANG TOTOO YON DALHIN NIYONG DALAWA SA KORTE TAPOS IDAMAY MO SYA HANDA SYANG MAKULONG FOR ME and you another coward existing btch told him you didn’t want it go futher than that kasi gurl ineexpect mo lang na sabihin ni Ren na baka nga ako talaga yung gumagawa non but poor you he never bought your make up stories. Tapos ren told me about it, he was even the one told me that you seem to know my fake friends whc we didn’t know that time na minion kana pala nila (you see how your only mutual connection is me and how desperate you guys to force into one to bring me down is so ridiculous and so much effort exerted on) and nung ako na yung tumawag sayo for us to settle your probs with me kasi you are putting my name and assuming me to do you wrong which you keep denying when I was asking you, I was asking your receipts of screenshot pero wala ka namang napakita and wala ka talagang masabi when it was me talking to you diba? Gurl, I specialized analytics. Common logic lang yan which you don’t have. If the msgs you received really affect you and you really have receipts which you can claim that it was rly me cause sabi mo sa msgs sayo the dummy talks about the baby ren and I had, DIBA DAPAT PINASCREENSHOT MO SA MGA FAKE FRIENDS KO YUNG RANT KO SA GC NILA ALSO ME TALKING ABOUT THE BABY WE HAD AND USED IT AGAINST ME AS KATIBAYAN? PLUS BAT OUTSIDE MO GUSTO ISETTLE YUNG CASE WHEN IN ANOTHER FACT, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I AM STILL ENROLLED TO THE SCHOOL AND MAS MASSETTLE AGAD YUNG CASE IF YOU BROUGHT IT TO SWAFO??? ARE YOU JUST THAT DUMB OR TALAGANG WALA NAMAN KASI TALAGANG GANON THING AND YOU JUST MADE THAT UP KASI GUSTO MONG MASIRA RELASYON NAMIN AND GUSTO MONG MAFEEL ANO FEELING NG MAY HATER KA KUNO???? I think aug pa ko nag iintay dito kasi sa sobrang tanga ng naisip nyang move to know who tf was msging her na itrack yung ip ad lol srsly the most dumbest action i know when there are alot of alternative you can do IF YOU REALLY HAVE THE MONEY whc obv she didn’t have kaya nagppoint lang sya ng tao wtf and even posting it out publicly eh nagmmuka ka ng naghahakot lang ng attention btch, ang lakas pang magsalita kung hangang saan nya kaya dalhin yung prob nya na up until now walang nangyari. Nasan na yabang mo gurl? Can u even afford ba the lawyer huh? Or baka naman you made dumb move as expected and sa mali mo nadala yang kaso mo? Hahahaha ano seek for your leader advice kasi sobrang nakakatawa ka lang sa pinag gagawa mong pagpapansin na kala mo talagang may dadarag sayo. Put you down? Gurl your level is way deeper than hell so bat pa mag eeffort diba? Magpaka bait na lang kayo ng umangat angat naman kayo kahit konti.

You gurls know naman na I am a smart kid. I aced logic and analytics on college so wag nyo ko pinapaandaran ng mga katangahan nyo kasi I can prove na hindi yan totoo— kayang kaya kong tapalan ng truths yung mga butas sa kwento nyo. Nakakatawa na lang talaga yung mga paninira nyo eh. Kasi kapag pinagtapat tayo, walang wala sa itsura ko nasisiraan ko kayo. I never shop at cheap online shops like lazada or shoppee for cheap over run f21 hm clothes. I never have to go to megamall sale para lang bumili ng damit. I never have to wait for black fri sale just to buy make up. I never have to let my bf starves para lang bumili ng fake make up sa baba which is hindi ko gawa gawang kwento cause it’s one of your born-again minion told me that na naawa sya sa bf mo lol. Never did I get lower than 1k allowance a week. I never have to wait any padala from any abroad kamag anak to pay for my tuition fee. I never have to work partime as a crew cause my parents don’t see the need of me working while studying. My bf never let me experience pay for his gas or for our dine out ever since. Hindi ko rin kailangan maging fubu ng guy na kino consider lang ako as friends para ibili lang ako ng sale items sa f21 lol. So guys, anong meron kayo na dapat kong kainggitan? Diba wala? Diba it was you guys writing letters about me going somewhere with my friends, or partying with them almost everyday or even the out of town trips me and my bf have even the school is on going? Wala kayong ganon no? Di keri ng allowance? Kaya ba silantro or buffalo na lang na 300 good for two so wampipti hatian? Or homemade samgyup that is wampipti per head din? Or affording buffets na basta may 1 paying adult free na yung bday celebrant? Hays. Kung alam ko lang na ganon ka-big deal yon sa inyo edi sana I keep you on my ig edi sana you witness also the vacay trips our fam have, shoppings, the casino trips and ticket we getting for our future plans before my graduation? Hays sayang. Mas kaiinggitan nyo yung mga ganaps ko sa life now.

Lord, heal their insecure hearts. Kaya po sila nagkakaron ng mga bad experiences sa life, breakdowns, being in a guy not committed to the thick face minion or a bf na inaundervalue yung overbite teeth minion, I know it’s all cause of their black heart that I wish You turn to a good one po. Kayo na bahala sa mga to, Lord.

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sixmorningsafter · 8 years ago

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How Gabi Ruined Me: A SMA Review of Ch. 15

GUESS WHO’S BACK AND READY TO REVIEW THE EFF OUT OF THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE OMG THIS IS STRAIGHT GOLD.

It’s me, hi Gabi, you’re a blessing.

REPLY:

Hi Cassie, it’s me, you’re hysterical. Also, I’m going to start indenting my parts instead of y’alls parts because I’ve realized that’s way easier and I’m dumb.

Overall, I really like this “episode” style you’ve got going on. I know it’s problematic word-count-wise (it’s actually not a problem at all, I have no idea where you got that from, but if you say so). And your style is really unique, so it’s always a delight to see what you’ve created.

REPLY:

lmaoooo I’m glad you benefit from my misery. (No but real talk, this format’s new for me so I’m super happy it’s working for you, man.)

Steroline Sex

Nice. But also, unrelated to the actual sex, how you wrote it without being cringey or too graphic is a great feat. Like good job dude. And forget the sex again, but the intimacy was also nice. Like nice. Like, in the carnality of it, I find it interesting that in this moment, you read Stefan for who he is—the guy who looks for intimacy over physicality, the guy who craves the relational over the carnal. Like, nice, dude, A+ with extra credit. It’s hard to pull off, I think, but it so mirrors what the real world is like? Also your writing style, again, is some really great stuff. Like, maybe you should quit your day job?

REPLY:

LMAO idk why but every time you say nice I just imagine you doing this dude bro nod and the 👌 emoji and I love it. Tyler approves. But also, GIRL, writing smut was friggin’ uncharted adventure time for me so you don’t even know how happy this feedback makes me. I’ve been pulled right out of stories before because things suddenly take a really porny turn (and I start laughing because I’m an infant), so I really wanted to avoid that without skimping out too much on details. And gah, all of your notes on Stefan and his instinctive search for something deeper (even in the face of a sex contract and hot girl on his lap) are so perfect, and I’m happy as hell that’s what came across because that’s definitely what I was aiming for. And AW, girl, psh - right back at you re: writing style! Like I’m pretty sure this review is funnier and better written than the fic itself but whaaaaatever.

Beginning of the Bonkaimon (is this the right ship name???) Date

Kai’s apartment: lol, much like Damon, I was no expecting this Christmas wonderland (horror) either. But also, LOL at what Damon was expecting lol.

REPLY:

lololol I sat in Starbucks and stared blankly into space for like 20 minutes to come up with all the things someone might expect from Kai’s apartment, and I’m pretty sure I terrified at least three people because I’d just suddenly start villain cackling. Imagining a room full of nothing but shelves of blinking furbies made me laugh for like five minutes.

Kai + Pinterest: not a big factor, but I find it hilarious that he was even on it??? Like could imagine, between gutting a swan, he’s casually scrolling through DIY Christmas décor?

REPLY:

‘between gutting a swan, he enjoys casually scrolling through DIY Christmas décor’ is totally on his online dating profile somewhere

The Bamon back-and-forth is too much. Like way too much, in the best way possible. They are literally children. Bonnie’s “villian origin story” quip is literally my fav. Damon’s “our thing” is sooooooooooooo like him what the heck, you pegged it; Damon saying “Like I know we have a thing and all, but—“ just made me laugh so hard.

REPLY:

Aren’t they the dumbest? So happy you enjoyed that part because it was fun as hell to write. If writing was just zippy dialogue I’d have finished this fic 200 years ago.

KAI’S FREAK OUT ABOUT THE COATS: dude you did a good job with that. Like a really good job. You can really see the distraught.

Kai’s “the stuffed mushrooms are fluffy and delicious… just like me” bit was very cute, like too cute for a psychopath.

The chit-chat: yes, it was a sneak peek, no, it didn’t affect the hilarity of it within the chapter at all.

Sniper love, I kind of love it. Like that Kai has a date at all? Like how did he even manage that? Omg and is his date just as crazy as him? Idk if you watch B99, but Holt and Kevin lol, that’s what I’m imagining.

REPLY:

HOLT AND KEVIN YEEEESSS. Love that. I think in this case, Kai’s pretending to be breezy and confident about his date in front of Bonnie and Damon, like ‘happens all the time just another Saturday in Kai-town’, but he actually has literally no idea what he’s doing and is a little panicky about it, lololol. He was probably just at work looking all cute and brilliant and some hotshot sniper made the mistake of thinking he was just a quirky nerd instead of a legitimate threat to the planet. I have a plan for Kai in terms of romantic entanglements down the road that I think’ll show just how painfully awkward he is in those situations, loooool. Should be fun for sure.

Bonnie’s true self coming through, and Damon noticing? Damon noticing in general? My heart can’t handle it. You know bamon is my main ship, main otp, main everything? But like, this part is everything (and another part later). I like Bonnie’s true self tbh. Like yeah, she made some mistakes with it, but it’s also a little more interesting than the self she created.

REPLY:

Bonnie’s such a messy tangle of flaws and virtues, and I think her problem is that she’s spent so much of her life living in extremes. Like she’s either pure light or a total eclipse - she’s never actually let herself exist as a collage of light and shadow, or rather, doesn’t realize she even can. I think a lot of that has to do with the degree to which she indulged in her darkness during that teen rebel phase, like her anger and hurt were so all-consuming (and the people she surrounded herself with were so intent on stoking the flames of it) that she feels like she can’t let any part of that in without it taking over. She’s afraid of that darkness being all that she really is, and that’s why her mom left, that’s why her dad was a checked out alcoholic - they somehow saw that in her and it’s only a matter of time before everyone else does, too. I think where Damon comes to play is that he’s an instinctive observer of people, and he’s obviously taken an interest in Bonnie and making sense of her. So far, he’s picked up on the light (brave, empathetic, optimistic, kind, a fierce instinct to help) and he’s picked up on the dark (angry, self-sabotaging, competitive, a taste for danger) and at first glance, the two seem so wildly different that he’s like ‘which one’s real’. But I think what I’m really trying to build toward with Bonnie is that she’s not one or the other, she’s both. In harmony. And that ultimately, letting in her ‘dark side’ wouldn’t take anything away from her compassion and optimism and impassioned drive to make the world a better place - if anything, it’d just make her light side shine even brighter, you know?

And likewise, Damon’s a character with a similar but inverted complex - he’s somehow grown up with the idea that he’s not a good guy and doesn’t care about anything, but he’s actually done some pretty heroic shit? Like, he turned in his own parents because of the things they were doing to people - parents who grown ass hardened criminals were terrified of. And he was ten. He went through foster home after foster home of neglect and abuse, all of which calcified his alleged numbness to the world, and yet couldn’t help himself from becoming a constant buffer between Tyler and his abusive dad. He was more in love with Katherine than she ever was with him and yet his awareness of that never stopped him from being there for her, even when he kind of hated her, because the weight of their shitty lives mattered more than the weight of his feelings. When he accidentally pushed Bonnie into a spiral, he dove in to deal with it, in large part because it was his fault, but also because he knew he was the best option for her, and he didn’t want to see Caroline and Stefan take that on. And there’s more hero-revealing things ahead for him in the story, which kind of begs the question, ‘why are you so convinced you’re this hedonist who doesn’t care when you actually do more good than a lot of people who do care?’ And Bonnie is absolutely starting to piece this all together, so it’s a similar dynamic on either side. Anyway, that’s my dissertation on how to go into an entirely unsolicited rambling meta in response to wonderful and pertinent feedback.

Kai’s “you two must have a crazy sex life”, I think it’s funny ‘cause he could have left it at that and gotten away with it, but continuing with details just killed those chances (and it also killed me).

REPLY:

looool right? Kai’s one of those characters that’s always right on the cusp of having a normal moment and then nope, never mind, hail mary throw to loony land right at the last second.

Caroline’s Freakout

I love how chaotic you write Caroline’s internal struggle. Because, like she realizes, she’s being irrational, and that’s exactly how her thoughts come across. Excellent work with that. “Everything about him was a goddamn error,” superb line, dude. That’s how exactly how I pegged the sma Steroline relationship (and the sma Bamon one, but on the side of Bonnie being the error anomaly to Damon). Like, honestly, when Caroline’s like “he’d known what he was doing”, I’m like,” y’all were having sex? You must’ve looked like you were liking it???” Caroline frustrates me sometimes, but like, she’s frustrating herself (and Stefan), so that makes sense and also kudos.

And then she lashes out at Stefan, and Stefan’s like, “I know”. Yikes.com. And I like how she realizes the physicality of what they did isn’t much different from what she and other guys did. It’s just him that’s different. And oh man, I love how Stefan’s like, “I didn’t mean to hurt you”, and she’s like “dude wait stop you’re not supposed to apologize for this”.

So many emotions dude. Mainly ‘cause I can relate to avoidance thing (yikes), but also ‘cause you can tell she’s trying to figure herself out, trying to correct her behavior (kinda), but then she reverts. A+.

REPLY:

Gaaah, all of that makes me so happy because that’s exactly what I was going for. You’re frustrated with her, but you know you’re supposed to be frustrated with her ‘cause even she’s frustrated with herself, you know? I’ve always found that I’m really forgiving of flawed characters when they’re aware of their flaws (and when other people are allowed to get fed up with their shit), so going into that scene, that’s what I tried to keep in mind - she’s going to be irrational and defensive and I need to make sure everyone knows that I know that this isn’t cool. It isn’t intriguing or exciting. It’s frustrating and repetitive and I know it, Caroline knows it, and Stefan knows it, and because of that, it’ll be confronted, you know? And yeah, that ‘he knew what he was doing’ line was exactly for that reason - Caroline clearly played a role in what happened, like it takes two to tango gurl, so I hoped that would hammer in how unreliable her narration was in that second. That, and the fact that when he starts apologizing, like you said, she’s like ‘stop’ because obviously he really didn’t do anything that bad and she knows that. Super, super stoked that the scene played out for you the way it did, man. Best feedback ever. Eloquent af. A+ goes to you.

Bamon’s first trip to Wine Cellar

Touching + promixity + commentary = horny Bonnie + smug Damon + heaps of hilarity

REPLY:

They’re like X-rated toddlers.

“You’ve been in love?” conversation was really good. I mean it was short, but I loved it. Like, called out much?

REPLY:

I literally had no idea I was going to write that until it just showed up on the word doc, but it ended up being one of my fave exchanges, so I’m so happy you liked it, too!

And then the “earthworm” argument: LOL.

“Like your entire face is rebelling against it—you look like you’re about to have a stroke.” LOLOLOLOLOLOL. What’s even funnier is I imagine Damon coming back with a doctor comment lol.

REPLY:

‘Uh-oh, better give me a full physical.’

The kiss/attack. Kai’s probably right, their sex life is will probably be crazy.

REPLY:

Definitely won’t get bored.

Bonnie’s flashback. Gotta know more dude. Like, in theory, you wrote it out a bit, but more more more.

REPLY:

More ahead! I have an ask about it that I’m going to answer but more’s coming in the actual fic, too. I think. So excited you want to know more, though!

“Merriam Webster” lol

OKAY HERE’S THE OTHER LIFE-GIVING PART: “Are you worried about me?” and “She turned around to leave and he caught her wrist again./’Seriously. Anything at all.’” YOU’RE MURDERING ME GABI HOW DARE YOU (please keep it coming).

Jesus Crisco lololololololol

REPLY:

Soon-to-Be Ms. Cuddles

It’s kind of scary how much of myself I see in Caroline lol (that’s kind of fucked up right?) especially when her eyes are shut because the cat is near her omg.

REPLY:

lmaoooo a little scary but she turns out alright so *bonnie voice* there’s hope for you.

My heart at “none of it was worth it”. At first, I was like Caroline’s not worth it? But then he’s like Caroline’s fear/hurt isn’t worth it, and I’m like, Stefan you IDIOT STOP HURTING ME.

REPLY:

LMAO ISN’T HE THE WORST.

And then him realizing what the real issue is with “Like maybe that contract hadn’t just been for him”.

But then him fucking it up with “something stupidly, recklessly hopeful”. BOY BYE WITH THIS DISNEY PRINCE-NESS.

REPLY:

Disney Prince-tervention. 8 o’ clock. Scott McCall can come too.

“It means is there anything on the planet you don’t avoid dealing with?” YIKES STEFAN DO YOU LIKE PLAYING WITH YOUR LIFE LIKE THIS OR

REPLY:

LOLOLOL I laughed when I wrote that line. I was like eating Smart Pop and going ‘BOY’ as if I wasn’t the one writing it, it was all super sane.

Avoiding!Caroline #relatable dude.

“Easy to mistake for serial killers” LOL STEFAN AGAIN ARE YOU READY TO DIE OR

REPLY:

Danger Zone Stefan.

The part with the cat coming near her, lol, is so damsel-in-distress, and it makes me laugh so much at how cliched/tropey this is, but I also love it, and I tried to imagine her with either Bonnie or Damon in the same situation, and Bonnie being similar to Stefan but taking her out of her misery, but Damon being a shithead about it. Ah yes.

REPLY:

LMAO that scene is pure, unadulterated, damsel-ly TROPENESS and I love forcing Caroline I’m a Force to be Reckoned With and Need No One Forbes into those scenes because she tries so hard not to be that way and like, for what? Girl, be afraid of the dark. Run away from cats. Be jumpy and hide behind people. None of that means you can’t singlehandedly take down the Emory football administration, you know? You can run away from spider-rat hybrids in the same stilettos you slam into the toes of drunk dudes harassing girls on the subway. Do you. And LOOOL to Bonnie and Damon in Stefan’s place - Bonnie would definitely let it go but would be subtly trolly about it, like putting the cat on her bed when she’s in the shower or buying it a bunch of costumes to wear around the apartment. Damon would probs be every inch as insufferable as you’d imagine.

The Not-All-Animals conversation. You don’t have to answer this, but is this supposed to be a foreshadowing, because the window was wide open for you (or Stefan) to state it clearly. And lol I cried when he says “there’s a cuddly little fur ball who seems really interested in getting to know you” and I’m imagining him talking about himself *dies of laughter*

“You’re going to love this cat”. Subtle, Stefan. Subtle.

REPLY:

CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM CALLING HIMSELF A CUDDLE LITTLE FUR BALL ON PURPOSE #BYE. I mean, it’s true, but still. I did the parallel on purpose, which I’m sure you know by now because I take forever to reply and have answered tat a few times, but I think it was more subconscious on Stefan’s part. Like his dedication to getting her to open up to the cat was definitely motivated by his own frustrations with her in that department, but I don’t think he saw the direct parallel or anything. Muahaha. I kind of want him to now though because CUDDLY LITTLE FUR BALL. That’s his street name.

Bonkai/Damon’s return from the cellar

Kai flirting

Bonnie feeling bad for Kai for not having any friends. (can I just note that Kai doesn’t seem bothered that he doesn’t really have friends—or rather, he seems the type not to mind it. Like I’m sure there’ll be a part when Kai says something ‘jeez Bon, stop being so obsessed with me’ when she tries to be his friend)

AKA ME now feeling bad for Kai, just in general (or that might be the copious amounts of Bonkai fics I’ve been reading recently…)

Bonnie teaching Kai to “flirt” AKA just be a human being

REPLY:

lololol Kai’s just a dude doing his best impersonation of humaning and failing miserably and not being too bothered about it.

“Maybe a little less… carnivorous” lol

Damon calling Kai “bud” (like, him actually picking up on the fact Kai enjoyed that). Too sweet.

REPLY:

I didn’t get a chance to get too into it in 15, but if all goes according to plan, Kai x Damon should be a pretty unexpectedly adorable brotp, so I’m super happy you picked up on that!

Bamon kiss #3 : “his stare was dark, humming, glinting with a hint of self-satisfaction” hehehehehe

“but I feel like maybe I should’ve asked you instead. Cool move.” lmfao Kai is a cutie pie (I know what I said, I’m not taking it back).

“Honestly, he could go back to the murder cellar now” lolololol. You’ve got a lot of golden lines in this one.

Almost Bamon kiss #4: nice

“She exhaled slowly, trying to ignore the buried, messy part of her that was turned on by the idea, that buzzed from the risk of it all.” Same, Bon.

Bless Bonnie’s insane self-control.

REPLY:

Damon’s a smug little shit. There’s just no getting around it, tbh. And YAY for cutie pie Kai (it even rhymes! Destiny.) - definitely trying to hone in on the more delightful sides of him from canon. And lmao, Bonnie must be so tired.

Caroline vs. the Cat

Obsessive Caroline is something familiar and safe to all. I like obsessive Caroline a lot lol.

Okay, unrelated, but can you expand a little bit on the Maroline situation again because, from what you’ve already explained (sorry if this is ruining the story, you obviously don’t have to explain if it is) Matt was sweet when it suited him, not sweet when he was angry or whatever. So, like, Stefan has none of these telltale features, like not even lowkey. I mean, he gets mad at her that one time, but it’s not malicious, you know? But it also triggered her to breakdown, but I read that as she’s already dealing with internal shit, so the internal is being external, and has very little to do with Stefan. So, I guess my question is, why is she not realizing Stefan is a Disney prince and he’ll always be one? Or is it just the overwhelming fear that’s clouding her judgement? I’m rambling.

REPLY:

GIRL, join the club. Rambling is a way of life. Re: Matt, I think a key thing I haven’t gotten to in the fic yet is that Matt started off as a bit of a Disney Prince, too. He was this humble, small-town star quarterback who was a little shy around girls and didn’t know what to do with all the attention on him, and when he met/got to know Caroline, he fell hard. Like haaaard. She was this confident, brash, outgoing ray of light that drew him in and made him laugh and added so much joy to his life, and he was just totally smitten. Built her things, wrote her crappy love letters that made her smile, etc., and for a year or so, they were this fairytale of a couple that everyone in town loved. And then Vicky got into drugs and his family situation went from not great to really bad - his mom was constantly off with some new guy, so a lot of the responsibility fell on him - and things just slowly started changing. He was angrier. Stressed out all the time, and he wasn’t someone who did well under pressure. He started checking out from school more and more because he didn’t see it as a priority. And in that context, larger-than-life Caroline with her sunny optimism and big ambitions went from endearing and inspiring to naive and a lowkey reminder of everything he didn’t have the luxury of being. Resentment started creeping in, and it’d come in the form of him being snide or putting her down, and it just kind of spiraled from there. Like you said, it wasn’t all the time, he could still be every inch as sweet and loving as he was when she first met him, but the bad moments started cropping up more and more often, and Caroline was just kind of frozen because they had years of magical history to indicate that this wasn’t the real him, and she just needed to wait it out and be supportive. And if she’d only done that to a certain degree, I think she would’ve been okay, but she stayed for way, way longer than she ever thought she would’ve. And she started coming up with insane ways to justify everything because their relationship meant so much to her. And all in all, that’s the real damage for her - the fact that she can’t trust herself to one: see people for they are when she has feelings for them, and two: know when to get out of something. Not when she’s in love. Any other context, sure, deuces, bye, but she doesn’t trust herself in love. So that’s why Stefan, without really showing any real Matt-like flaws, is scaring the hell out of her, if that makes any sense.

SPEAKING OF RAMBLING HI HELLO YES WHERE IS THE SUPPORT GROUP

Caroline and the cat is really cute. We don’t see many soft moments of Caroline, except the baroline apology scene, so it’s cute to see her just calm down a little bit. Calm in the storm.

And her being like “You’re lucky Stefan’s here.” Oh, dude, that really got me. Like, before she goes into the physicality of him/them, I read that line as like, “he’ll take care of you, he’ll be good for you” and that struck me.

REPLY:

So happy you liked that softer side of Caroline! Definitely going to be seeing more of that now that she’s gotten most of the defensiveness out of her system (in large part because I’m just tired of writing it, lmaaaaaoooooo #authoroftheyear). And yeah, that’s exactly how she meant that line, which I think shows just how much her opinion has changed of him over these past few days. Progress!

“And it was terrifying, because for that brief glitter of a moment, for better or for worse, she’d been Caroline Forbes in all her complete, defenseless, messy glory”: nice.

REPLY:

👌

“And closed hearts, apparently”, awwwwwwww. You know my general feels about steroline, but this fic, man. Well played, Gabi, well played.

REPLY:

lmao you know mine too. thanks, boo.

Bamon Snooping

Initial and overarching reaction: LOL

Damon saving Bonnie’s life: *heart eyes*

“I’m not talking to you”/”Why ‘cause I didn’t feel you up in the kitchen?” LOL Damon knooooooows, Damon’s got you cornered (you’d like that wouldn’t you, Bonnie) (but also, same)

REPLY:

#READ

Like this idiot really thinks she’s fooling anyone? She’d totally like that. Let’s make another support group.

The flamingo tarts LOL

AND AND AND “Stefan’s not even going to be able to look at yo—“ crying

Kai going to hunt swan. Again.

REPLY:

So rude, pulling the judgy Stefan card. And yeah, Kai’s really into casual evening strolls with crossbows.

The snooping. Okay, so first, Bonnie’s reaction of “yeeeeeeeeee” and Damon’s reaction of “k let’s do it”. I love it so so so much. This is a moment I can see Matt Daddario being Damon (I started watching Shadowhunters, pardon me). But also the things they find??? Like, if this were a tv show (where’s the petition, my pen is ready), then this would be that one weird/sci-fi episode. Like a musical episode, but sci-fi-y.

Damon “how much you want to bet one of these opens a hidden passageway”/I’m a big nerd too Fell/Whitmore (who tf is this guy)

REPLY:

LMAO coming up with the things they find was another case of me staring dead-eyed into space for 20 minutes and cackling at random, so I’m glad it was entertaining. And yessss, I can totally see Matt pulling off that line. I see him as a slightly sleepier Damon, like his blithe charm goes from obnoxious to a little slyer and lowkey, and he has more of a playful laziness about him. It’s a really fun/unique fit, especially since some of the other actors I’ve imagined as Damon have more of a brash/sharp quality to them that would enhance the showman aspect instead of downplaying it.

Bamon talking about Damon’s job: real bonding about real things!

REPLY:

WOOT. More of that ahead :)

Steroline Avoiding

“He could navigate picky eaters like a pro”: I love that you made him this way, and that you made her that way, and that their ways are like puzzle pieces.

REPLY:

Ahhh, I love that you put it that way. That’s their new tag line.

And also for this beaut: “the Human Grimace” lmfao.

“I feel annoyed”/”Why?”/”I don’t know.” – is that their tag line or?

REPLY:

JK that’s definitely their tag line.

Steroline bonding in general, bless.

“I can’t do this”: yikes. At first, I thought this was going to be a repeat of every sexytimez moment these two had before the ultimate one

but I really like how you placed that bit about Elena in there. Nice. Like how he can’t handle not knowing, and that’s very Caroline of him, and he could just tell her this please that’d help everyone???? I’m not ranting.

REPLY:

IF EVERYONE COULD JUST TALK IN THIS GODFORSAKEN FIC IT WOULD’VE ENDED TEN CHAPTERS AGO AND MADE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER. lmao but I’m glad you liked the Elena nuance - I’m trying to build their experiences in bits and pieces so that when they finally talk about everything re: the exes, it’s not too much of an information dump.

Damon’s Panic Attack

Jesus Christ, Gabi. Right in the heart, dude. Like chill out. His avoidance of the very inevitable killed me. And Bonnie not picking up on the signs. Omg and Damon’s “I’m fine”, parallel to Caroline’s, and the whole “I can do this, I can get through this, I’ve only had myself before, and I only need myself now”, but Bonnie’s there and she’s all “I got you, you can do this, we’ll get through this together” and she’s talking him through, but he’s doesn’t want to even talk and she’s just trying to bring him out of him successfully, but ultimately fails and goes with the distracting that is an old Stefonnie story. BUT THEN, her fourth-grade poem reminded me of The Punisher’s “one batch, two batch, penny and dime” in Daredevil (you watched that right?) and I was like oh shoot, you right. What you were right about, not sure, but it worked, and Bonnie did a good job (but also YOU), and Damon’s “she was a ridiculous person./Tangled and dark and simple and light.” And my heart wept. “He let himself stay”. Oh my poor baby. You wrecked me, Gabi, you really did.

REPLY:

‘and I was like oh shoot, you right. What you were right about, not sure, but it worked’ - LMAOOOOOO, dead. Like 50% of my excitement for posting this review is just people reading it and realizing how hilarious you are and then going to check out B&B. (GO AND CHECK OUT B&B). For real though, gaaaaah, everything about this is making my friggin’ day because this is always the toughest stuff to write for me. I never know if I’m building it well or if the emotions are transitioning fluidly and it makes me want to break my laptop (jk it’s already broken JOKE’S ON ME), so I’M SO HAPPY I WRECKED YOU. All of your observations are perfect. I didn’t even think about The Punisher but shoot, YOU RIGHT, that’s such a great parallel. I’ve always found that angsty situations are super unpredictable in real life, like the things you expect to happen seldom do and it’s always the most random thing that ends up shifting the mood, so I tried to translate that into this scene. Like Bonnie’s pulling out all the stops, all the things she’s trained to do, but what ends up cutting through the air is a random ass poem from fourth grade. And it’s just thoughtful and spastic enough to grab his attention, especially once he realizes why she went for poetry, and suddenly, the situation’s quelling. So I’m super, super happy that it worked for you, and that the ‘tangler and dark and simple and light’ stood out. I think that’s one of the first instances of him starting to realize she’s not one or the other, she’s both at the same time, so yeah, this feedback is all wonderful and now you’re wrecking me so we’re even.

Steroline Confronting

Is Caroline… confronting the problem? Is Caroline… actually fixing this? Is Caroline… actually being a person? Nice, good job, I’m proud of you, girl. Slay.

REPLY:

LOOK AT HER GOOOOO.

I like how she gets how fucked up the whole thing is. Like, she knows she’s being irrational, and that he shouldn’t have to put up with this mess, and damn, I feel for her.

REPLY:

Yesssss, totally what I was going for. Like the person most done with her shit is herself, and she’s likely going to be way harder on herself about it than you or me or Stefan or anyone else, really. So happy that came across.

“Would it make you feel better if I told you that wasn’t the first time that’s happened to me?”

“What did you do? Actually—don’t tell me now.”/“I’m not telling you ever.”

”Tell me when it doesn’t hit so close to home.”/”Or never.”

”It’s still too soon.”/”It’ll always be too soon.”

These are gems.

REPLY:

Gotta sneak some fluff into every scene you know how I roll.

Oh goodness, but Stefan wanting to know her as a person. Ughhhhhh.

And the ruse of “for the sake of Bonnie.” I’m calling bullshit.

“Who was he, Nicholas Sparks?” Lol, I mean, it worked out, though, dude.

REPLY:

Stefan’s a lost cause.

As always, my friend, you’ve done a phenomenal job. Your writing style is so unique and fabulous, and it just adds to the storyline itself, like, it’s own entity in this whole thing. Bless. So excited for the next chapter. Did I hear more sexytimez for the bamon babes?

REPLY:

GIRL I COULD SAY THE SAME DAMN THING ABOUT YOURS. Like even in this review alone - hysterical and eloquent af. I know you probably know this, but no one ever thinks that of their own writing (or at least I don’t think they do lmao, if they do LEMME HAVE A HIT OF THAT CONFIDENCE BOO ‘cause I didn’t even know I had a style), so it’s legit amazing to hear that the style stands out to you, and know that I’m boomeranging that comment right back atcha. Next chapter is sloooowly chugging along, by which I mean I’m writing at a regular pace but I’m trying to cram a legitimately concerning/insane amount of scenes into it. Like 15. LMAO. RIP Gabi. But hopefully it won’t take me too long! Also, it’s the last of the intensely emotional chapters for a while (just a lot of big moments I need to get right), so even if this takes forever, the rest should be a little faster. I feel like I say this after every chapter and nothing changes, looooool. BUT ANYWAY, you’re a marvel, this review is everything, I’m feelsy, you’re hilarious, write a book, bye.

#reply #six mornings after #review #15 #sma bamon #sma maroline #sma steroline #sma matt #sma bonnie #sma damon #sma caroline #lmao I have to tag so much because I launched into so many unnecessary metas #I must be stopped #anyway this is glorious and cassie's glorious it's fine #also this took me no joke two hours to respond to #like my laptop started lagging behind my typing in protest #I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO SLOW GUYS BUT I'M TRYING #submission

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pyxel-spree · 7 years ago

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12 | and the galaxies fall

Isolde has now made it clear, through guarded hints at first and now through yelling until she is literally red in the face, that she will not stand for me not going to school. She bought all my school stuff (bonus: horrifyingly bright clothes) at some discount store, and now no more excuses; I will be going to the satellite campus of Arcadia Village School today.

This particular satellite campus is nicknamed "Lyria Day School" after the royal palace at Lyria, because so many royals'/politicians' kids go there when their parents have to work in the island chain. It has free tuition, we get to pick our own classes, don't have to wear the school uniform, don't have to practically kill people to get into the school (Arcadia being kind of notorious, even for the Valorian boarding school circuit, for rejecting kids like crazy)...the kids who don't have our connections must hate us. Llenwi already goes there, but he spends most of his time on a computer, probably playing online games, but allegedly "catching up" on whatever work he needs to do for public school.

I do not want to go. For one thing, I have a murder to investigate. For another, I don't want to have to deal with people. My entire family already hates my angry, strung-out-on-psycho-pharmaceuticals, ugly self enough. No good getting more people to hate my guts.

That is a thing I've noticed about real!Oceania. No one likes her very much. But I'd rather be her than that lost, drifting soul I was after Anni died, searching for answers, wanting to talk to someone, but not knowing how. real!Oceania is much better than perfect two-faced Oceania, who let people push her around and cared about what they thought too much. Even though I lose all my fights with Isolde, I still fight, which is an improvement. I might not be gaining much, but at least I'm not kicking myself for not trying.

But enough about me. Let's go on to school. So in the ass-crack of the morning, Isolde bangs on my door loud enough to wake the dead. No Sheila G's for me. Llenwi has made me a dubious greenish-brown "power drink" in the blender, an appliance he has only recently learned how to use. Also (will miracles never cease?) Isolde has made me scrambled eggs. We're out of bread, so she has to put them on a cracker. Sadly, it's actually the first decent meal I've had my whole time on Earth. She's actually a pretty good cook.

During our meal, Isolde mentions, offhandedly, in the same tone in which she might announce she was going to get groceries, that due to some "complications," I will be in Special Ed.

I almost choke on my eggs. "What?!"

"Well, don't overreact, Oceania, for heavens' sake. They were a bit concerned, understandably, I might add, about the whole stabbing incident. And your depression."

"I'm not really depressed! You just made that up so I wouldn't have to go to juvie!"

"A good thing, too." she snaps, grabbing my eggs and scraping them into the trash, then pouring out Llenwi's power drink. So much for breakfast. "Why you did that, I will never understand."

It is the first time she has ever mentioned the unfortunate event that brought me here, and that just continues to piss me off. "Damn right you won't. That would require you to have a heart or a soul." I know I'm being dramatic, but I don't really care.

"Shut up, Oceania." she says casually. Somehow that stings more than any curse she could hurl at me. "Get dressed. And wear those glasses!"

Oh yeah. When I went in for the mandatory doctor's exam you need to get into school, they found out my vision is crazy bad. I'm almost legally blind. I mean, I've always known I couldn't see for shit, but at my other schools I've never had to have a vision test and the only times I ever see a doctor is before school. To "save money," Isolde picked out these ugly blue plastic glasses. So now I look like the fourth-grader who's going to get beat up on the playground.

And today I have to wear a short sleeved mint green too-long-to-be-a-shirt-too-short-to-be-a-dress with some unintelligible design on it and these purple leggings which were made for a shorter person than me. I hate leggings anyway, because you have to wear them without underwear or risk having your underwear show through. It's just a no-win situation. I slip on the matching mint canvas moccasins, put on my glasses (it's amazing how much you can see!), grab my new, hideous orange-and-pink backpack, and bolt out to the Mini. Although the government offered Isolde a new car, a hover, she still prefers driving the same old ground cars.

We drive in tense silence. "Any news on the Rublex?" I ask Isolde, more to dispel the eerie calm that has settled over us than anything.

"Actually, yes." she tells me, which surprises me; she's never told me anything about what she learns working for Cielaré. "More galaxies may have been taken."

"Wait, seriously?" I say.

"We're not sure, but the power surges that happened in the Rublex? They happened in the Yghur and the Tydarian as well, yesterday. They're working to get them online again, but as of yet, no one knows what's going on." It is strange that she is being so frank with me, considering I've done nothing but scream at her these past few days. I feel absurdly guilty.

"I wonder what happened."

"That's what we're all wondering, Oceania." Isolde snaps, like I am just the dumbest girl in the world. And just like that I can't like her again.

••

Alec aggressively shoved his way past the rows of jostling students, ducking into the classroom that sheltered the Arcadia math team. Seeing Kai Zadaña's tall, muscular frame, his shock of black curly hair, cheeky grin, and polished umber skin, he glared, then took his customary seat in the front row.

Every year, they had elections for captain, which Alec had won until last year, when Zadaña showed up with his animal magnetism and perfect body honed from years of sports training. With Zadaña came Santos Darcies, larger, broader, but a follower, not a leader. But Kai liked him, so he got to be vice-captain. It was terrible. They had ruined his (somewhat grueling, he had to admit) everyday practice schedule. Members only had to come twice a week. And instead of allowing people to go to competitions based on seniority, which made sense, they had everyone take a test to try out for every competition. Oh, enrollment had increased, sure, but the new team was made up of people who were disturbingly lacking in commitment.

"All right, people," Zadaña said, swinging his annoyingly long legs over the top of the desk so everyone could see he was wearing expensive yellow and green sneakers instead of his uniform shoes. Rich prick. "We got the Math Match next week at the Redd Palace concert hall. "And our lineup is...me, Darcies, Clarence, Deliwitz, Reginalds, Crayne, Waite, and Nicholson. Alternates are Sorkins and Adair, I guess," he said, smirking at Alec, who was seething. How the hell am I an alternate? And who's Nicholson?

After the meeting ended, Alec cornered him. "Zadaña."

"Adair." The taller boy rolled his eyes. "What do you want?"

"What do I want? Really? You know what I want, you slimy dick. I want my spot back!"

"You have a spot. You're an alternate." Zadaña drawled. "It was a fair test. Everyone took it, Adair. You just blew it. It's not a big deal."

"You're making a a huge mistake, not letting me on. No one knows more about advanced algebra than me."

"Actually...hate to break it to you, but Nicholson does. And he proved it on the test. So, if you've got any further questions..." He let the words hang in the air.

Alec wasn't finished. "Who is Nicholson?"

"Gideon Nicholson." When Alec looked nonplussed, Zadaña threw his hands up in disgust. "My God, Adair, we've been in class with him for three years; how do you still not know who he is? Tall skinny guy, doesn't talk a lot, sharp dresser? Anyway, it turns out the guy is...kind of a math whiz. Wouldn't make sense to leave him out."

"What about seniority?"

"Drop it. You're an alternate. Maybe next tournament."

Tears of frustration began to build in Alec's eyes. "But..."

Zadaña scoffed. "Oh, come on, you're not crying, are you?"

"No," Alec snapped, and whirled out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

••

"The Tydarian, Tessa. And the Yghur. When is this going to end?" Seonid whispered. They were in her bedroom, afternoon light dappling the desk and the walls.

"Now to be fair, we don't know-"

"Shut up," Seonid snapped. "Seriously, just drop the optimist act. It's not helping, and you're not convincing anyone." She paused. "That wasn't fair. I'm sorry. It's just...everyone is being so calm and acting so damn normal about this. I feel like I'm the only one who sees that this is an actual problem we need to fix, rather than some political game. Dunavain died, Tessa, and it's like nobody cares."

"Not the High Lord." Tessa argued. "He's working on taking this to the Federated Congress."

"If the High Lord really cared, he'd invade the galaxy himself, and damn the consequences. Instead he fools around with committees and such nonsense, while there are people whose lives are at stake. You know it."

Tessa flushed. "You also know that even we have no idea how large the occupying force is."

"All the more reason for a forceful solution, before this becomes an actual threat. Well, maybe now that the Yghur and the Tydarian are at stake too, people will listen. You know I've never been much for military action, but damn it, it makes sense in this scenario."

"Language." Tessa warned, her tone mock-dangerous.

"The only person who seems willing to work with me is that House Diamond aide, Adrian." Seonid went on. "Can you believe it, an aide of all people is more committed to helping us than any of the leaders? I mean, of the assembled Houses here, Firedrop's a joke, House Ruby is weak, Emerald is too cautious, Sapphire's fighting Amethyst over some trade route, and Diamond and Onyx are too busy squabbling about ideology to do anything-"

"I'm going to stop you right there." Tessa snapped. "You are going to stay away from Adrian Silva if it's the last thing I do. Trust me, an aide is not going to be any help with this crisis."

"Funny," said Seonid, smiling. "I never told you his last name."

Tessa bristled. "Well, you must have said it sometime."

"Is it just my imagination, or do you two know each other?"

"It's just your imagination." Tessa told her curtly. "The point is, people like Adrian are only after one thing-"

Seonid couldn't help but make a face. "Really?"

"...power." Tessa finished. "That's all I mean. Just because he's a good-looking guy doesn't mean he's an angel. He's looking to experiment, try some things out...he's certainly not ready to commit to anything."

"Are you talking about the Rublex, or-" Seonid wrinkled her nose. "something else?"

A wicked glint appeared in Tessa's eyes. "Why not both? He doesn't have any power to help you with the Rublex; he's only an aide, after all. And as for the other...well, you're a bit young for him, aren't you?"

"Why not? He's only seventeen." And so charming...

The light from the window passed over Tessa's face, shadowing it, but Seonid was fairly certain she heard a sharp intake of breath. Irritation took over. "Well, that's what he said, for heavens' sake."

"It doesn't matter. You've got better things to focus on then boys." Tessa returned sharply.

"Okay, okay!" Seonid laughed, then doubled down over her work. But her mind was straying dangerously close to a particular pair of blue eyes...

••

The man was tall and freckled, with a deep tan nonetheless, a white suit, and a shock of wiry white curls. They had been red once, but had lost none of their vigor. He was smoking a large cigar, from which the fumes had created a hazy grey miasma. Once in a while he would quaff some brandy from a flask in his pocket. In the High Lord's pristine white offices in Centaurii Center, he looked woefully out of place.

The receptionist, a green-eyed beauty, wobbled over on dangerous black stilettos. She was new, but then again, they all were. "Sir, I'm sorry, but you can't smoke that in here."

The man paid her no mind, inhaled a little deeper. Oh, Alastair had been always a little too much for rules. It amused him to break them a bit, just to rock that unflappable calm.

She tried again. "Sir, do you have an appointment?"

At that, the man laughed. "Appointment? Why, no, why would I need one, dearie?"

The receptionist looked confused. "The High Lord is a busy man. Unless you have an appointment, you really can't see him."

"Who is the High Lord meeting with today?" he asked, with uncharacteristic boldness.

"The Mexican ambassador, and the Prime Addressant of the Republic of Greater Fluv-"

"Cancel it." he said pleasantly. "He's going to want to see me."

"I'm sorry, sir. I can't do that. Unless the High Lord actually cancels these meetings, he must-"

"No, I understand." The man got up, as if to leave, then turned back around. "By the way, will you tell him that Rythicaen Ruble is here to see him?" As an afterthought, he added, "When he can fit me into his schedule, of course?"

The receptionist's hands flew to her mouth. "Oh, I'm so sorry, milord-" She fell into a deep bow.

"No need to apologize, dearie," said the man who had been the High Lord Ruble politely. "Just tell him I'm here, will you?"

"Of course-" The receptionist scampered off. Ruble took another long drag from his cigar, then washed it down with a contemplative sip of brandy. By the time he was moving to take his next sip, the receptionist had returned.

He stood up. "And?"

"The High Lord Cielaré will see you now."

••

Special Ed is actually rather civilized. Mostly because I am the only person in it. I have a desk in a colorful classroom, and a green locker that doesn't close right. On closer inspection, someone (hint: Candie) has decorated the whole thing with decals and stock photos of Paris. I want to use the other locker in the little row, but according to Mrs. Elda, the gregarious, steel-haired special education coordinator, it doesn't open.

I am given a math textbook about fourth year level and a paperback mystery novel. Once I prove that I can, indeed, do long division and read aloud, she doesn't really know what to do. She gives me a bigger math textbook and tells me to work through it "at my own pace."

Once she leaves, I pull my smuggled tablet from my bag, along with Llenwi's cell phone, grabbed off the counter this morning. Technically, we're supposed to share, but he hogs the damn thing so much, I don't actually feel that bad about taking it from him. Now what? I know I want to find out who killed Anni, but where to start? I'm not a detective or anything, but the Valorian police department might be a good start.

When I called earlier I always used one of the phones at school, but now, with only this cell, my mission suddenly feels a lot more dire. If I fuck up, there's no backup phone. With trembling fingers, I dial the number. A man picks up on the third ring.

"Valorian Police Department."

"Hi, I'm Megha Kaylix from Galactipol." I say in my most adult voice. "I was wondering if I could see the Larsson file. Annifrid Larsson?"

"Um, yes, Ms. Kaylix? So sorry, but that file is probably with a team from Olympia. I can give you their number..." The man's voice trails off.

"No, never mind." I tell him. "Can I see your archived copy, then? The one you kept for your records?"

"I'm sorry again, but that file's been backlogged for weeks. There's a huge list of people who've wanted to see it, and that's only today. I can mail it to you in a month, but that's only if everyone returns it in time-"

I cut him off. "What about the Valorian library's copy?" Copies of crime reports are sent to libraries after they are filed, for the sake of public record. It's the law.

"You can try," says the man skeptically, "but chances are it'll be just as bad, if not worse, with that copy."

"I don't need a hard copy," I say excitedly. "A digital would be just fine."

The man perks up. "Well, why didn't you say that before? Just give me your email and I can send it along."

"Um...ocea-I mean, [email protected]." I say quickly, remembering to give them the name of a spam account I haven't used since I was six.

He chuckles. "Funny name. Not your government one, I take it?"

I swallow.

"It's fine. Lots of people use an alt address. It's smarter in my opinion-harder to track, that is..." And he proceeds to go on a tangent about how e-security is going to the dogs. It takes a while to get him off the phone. But when I do, I'm smiling for the first time in a week.

I'm actually getting somewhere with this.

••

They faced each other from across the room, white hair and black, one ghost-pale, one freckled and bronzed. The High Lord ached with the longing of wanting to say something, but lacked the wherewithal how. Ruble is here...Rythicaen Ruble, friend, lover, rival.

Ruble broke the silence. "How are you, old friend?"

"Well enough. And you?"

His old friend laughed, a sharp, wheezing sound. "Now, what kind of greeting is that? One would think this is simply a political meeting."

"Isn't it?"

Ruble sighed. "I wish. But I came here for something. Look, Alastair, I need..." He broke off, as if the words pained him. "a favor."

This disquieted Cielaré more than he could say. Rythicaen had never asked for favors, even in the direst of straits. "What is it?"

Ruble gripped his arm tightly, brown eyes boring into his own. "I need my position back. I need-" He whispered the last words, a frightened rasp in his voice. "protection."

"What from?" Cielaré asked, suddenly worried.

"I can't tell you."

"Very well. Then I can't get your position for you. You know I have no influence in Diamond House."

At that, Ruble issued a throaty chuckle, releasing his arm. "I think you could have influence wherever you pleased."

Cielaré gave a bare hint of a smile. "That is true."

"My position. Protection. That's all I ask. Please, Alastair. These people...well, I shan't bore you with the details, but they want me." Ruble begged.

"After Sorelle died, I thought we'd seen the last of you." the High Lord said wonderingly. "You were furious; you loathed us. Why are you back? You can tell me."

"I need your protection. I know what you did for that little girl, Alastair. By your side, I can be safe. Besides-" He smiled, a glimmer of himself returning. "I believe you are in a situation that could use my special touch. Diplomacy." He said the last word with obvious relish."

"But-" Ruble put a finger to his lips, and just as swiftly, cupped the High Lord's chin in his own and gave him a sharp, tobacco-smoke and liquor kiss. It happened so fast the High Lord wondered if he had imagined it. It was exquisite, just like the old days, and yet...there was an aftertaste of gunpowder that did not belong on his pacifistic friend.

"We don't have an audience with the Congress yet." the High Lord whispered, when he was sure his senses had recovered.

Ruble grinned, and at that, the High Lord knew that Ruble had won everything back in one fell swoop. "Leave that to me."

••

#ogak #my writing

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