#online temp agency
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Staffing Agency Service In Dunmore | Bear Staffing
In Dunmore, Bear Staffing helps your business find top employees for engineering (IT), manufacturing, and call centre services. Let Bear Staffing handle your hiring needs.
#it services usa#staffing services#staffing agency#staffing agents#bear staffing#temp staffing agency#online temp agency
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#hire#jobseekers#jobsearch#online jobs#recruitment#temp agency birmingham#permanent recruitment agency birmingham#agency work birmingham#recruitment agencies birmingham#employment agencies birmingham#best recruitment agencies birmingham#recruitment agency birmingham#recruitment company birmingham
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I love how now that I finally have a job lined up I’m suddenly getting invited to about a million interviews. Where were you people when I was unemployed for 4 months and losing my mind
#the temping agency that’s been sitting on my info for well over a month twiddling their thumbs just organised an interview for me#and had the audacity to tell me that if i need to cancel it the only way is by making a phone call#when did i ask???#i mean i guess i asked by sending them my info. but like. you could’ve run this place by me before telling them everything about me#it doesn’t even say where i’m interviewing at. just that it’s an online interview and two people whose job titles sound made up are going#to interview me#girl what does ‘senior quality assurance’ even mean. i’m going to shave my fucking head#also why am i hearing from every workplace EXCEPT my own lmao. HR still haven’t sent me my contract#functional world!!!!!#i’m not cancelling this interview until i have my contract tbh. i don’t trust life not to throw a curveball at me#‘oh you thought you were going to be working in a cute little café? surprise! it got firebombed in the night’#like with the luck i’ve been having lately it wouldn’t be completely out of the question#tl;dr i wish i didn’t have an email address#personal
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Temp Agency in Longview, WA
Temp Agency in Longview, WA
Locally owned and operated, Express Employment Professionals in Longview, WA is a Full-Service Staffing Agency that continually exceed expectations by providing services to companies in our community while also helping job seekers find employment.
Express Employment Professionals of Longview, WA 1208 Washington Way #130 Longview, WA 98632 (360) 414-1200 https://www.expresspros.com/LongviewWA
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Hi Bitches!
I humbly ask some advice. I graduated college 4 months ago, and I've been living with my parents and looking for a job ever since. I don't have the best relationship with them, and my job search has been making me crazier.
I applied to jobs that are related to my degree (environmental science) through LinkedIn and government websites, I signed up for three different temp agencies, I've tried signing up for Taskrabbit/Instacart/etc but apparently there's too many people already doing that in my area, I've handed out resumes in person, I've browsed Craigslist for gigs, I've tried getting into clinical trials and focus groups, the only thing that consistently gets me money is doing surveys online and that's about a dollar a day if I'm lucky.
I feel like I've exhausted all my options and I'm not sure what else I can do. I've also got some personal stuff going on, and I just feel like I'm at the bottom of a pit. I don't want to burn through my savings, but with gas to look for jobs and get out of the house to keep my sanity, I feel like it's being whittled down to nothing.
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated! Thank you Bitches <3
My sweet darling baby deer... we wrote this one specifically for you:
Ask the Bitches: What the Hell Else Can I Do To Get a Job?
Maybe our technique will work! If it doesn't, then our best advice is to keep hustling, keep honing your interviewing and application skills, and keep your head up. It's hard out there for a baby bitchling right now, but perseverance pays off more than anything else.
{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Getting a Job, Raise, or Promotion
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sorry if u arent looking for advice/commentary, but imo working towards change IS worth it. Even if its slow, even if its not for something glamorous, the work and openness to change is the important part. Moving out of your parents house is legitimately SO freeing, even if things suck you arent being controlled by someone else. Look at apartments, look at places to find roommates (less than ideal i know this very well) if living alone is out of your price point, contact temp agencies for work if you can. If you can use the microsoft office suite, especially excel, you have a leg up on a lot of people. And if you cant, theres tons of resources online to learn! There’s even free or low cost certification programs that look good on resumes. There’s no wrong way to live, unless its causing u pain. I hope u can find independence and transition soon 🫂
i always appreciate input (even if i dont answer asks i always read them ^_^). I currently have some friends willing to help me start finding my way out and I think that may be part of it all right now. Like its very close to maybe being real, and not as bad as I originally feared if my friend helps me to the degree she's offering, and I keep getting really scared and second guessing everything ever. Its so scary.
And thats where the "what if this is as good as it gets" part comes in. Im just having trouble getting and keeping the ball rolling I guess. I keep either turning back before I start or stopping it midway. I'm so nervous.
#added these tags in another post but the thing rn is well what if it doesnt work out. and what if it DOES work out both instill the same#anxiousness in me rn. like its the exact same outcome emotionally. the nervousness. so its much easier for my brain to just stay put#and think and rethink and consider and reconsider it 50 times a day#anonymous#skunk mail#long ask#long post#like i need to finish my resume to really put this in motion and im paralyzed with fear bc either outcome is so Scary
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hi, i've been out of work for over a month because of a neurological issue (probably. they haven't found anything yet.) which has pretty much cleared up, but all my other chronic issues have been flaring so badly i still can't go back to work. i've been trying to do some freelancing and online odd jobs but the most i've made doing that was like $12 in one day. i'm still looking for a remote job i can feasibly do, but right now i need to figure out how to pay my bills.
i have two credit card payments due, both overdue. my phone payment is due march 24th (i'm able to promise to pay or do a split payment on different dates and they won't disconnect my service, so i have a little wiggle room). my car payment is overdue. my storage bill is due april 9th
and i need to pay board & pay for feed for my horse. i've had her since 2017, she's retired because she's ancient and full of arthritis. when i adopted her, i could afford everything, and i have been struggling to ensure i can pay her board every month because retirement farms are just as expensive and i don't feel right selling her when i know it's extremely likely they'll just put her down. her name is ishka:
so, payments.
phone payment is $128, due asap
credit card #2 needs $135, due asap.
ishka's board is $450, plus her feed for the month ($150) for a total of $600. the barn manager has been very understanding and knows i'm out of work for medical reasons, but this is for march board and i really don't want to end up two entire payments behind. so anything towards march's board would be a huge relief
credit card #1 needs $175, due april 1st.
car payment needs at least $131. the total amount due right now is $263; $131 is the regular payment due (april 1st), so if i can at least get the regular payment covered, it won't add more to what i owe.
storage bill is $85, due april 9th
for the credit cards, as long as i can throw like $20 at them like once a week that's good enough for now. i'm far more concerned with my phone bill, board, and my car payment. and the storage bill soon
total needed asap: $728 (phone, board & feed)
full total: $1206
i know this is a lot. i hate that i have to ask for the help. i'm spending the weekend looking for remote work and on monday i'm going to call some temp agencies
i offer editing commissions
and i will do stippling drawings of objects, landscapes, and animals, like these:
if you send anything & are interested in the editing or drawings, send me a dm
ko-fi in bio, p/yp/l is @elvenari
i will show payment required screenshots upon request (except for my phone bill; the app won't let me)
#carter speaks#i should have done this far sooner. i thought i would be back to work before now#and i lost most of this month to fatigue
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Kendra, idk what to do at this point. Like, PAST beyond bleak in this job hunt and even though I'm trying to hold unto that tiny sliver of hope, my increasing credit card and bank account is telling me it's over 🫠
Doing everything and applying all the tips and tricks and still not able to get at least a phone screening? Diabolical.
i know the department of education is not going to get off my neck. i need an income for income based loan repayment. i have plans! i want to travel, i want to get back to therapy, i want to date, i want to go out and actually have a fucking life. the furthest i've been from home is fucking florida. i can't, i can't, i can't. i keep applying for these jobs, changing resumes, drafting and revising cover letters, filling out those terrible fucking online application forms and trying to get in touch with temp agencies. everything's shit. everything's shit
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Updated Character Profiles!!!
https://toyhou.se/cupboardgods/characters
I've been working really hard over the last two weeks to beef up my toyhouse. I've uploaded over 300 new images across all profiles and finished writing bios for my most important characters.
Many of the profiles are still a WIP, but here are the completed ones:
The way things are set up, no one single profile will give you the entire story. But if you read multiple profiles, you should be able to pick up on the plot as a whole.
If you're at all interested in my ocs, now you have a place to read about them. This the first time I've put this much info about my personal projects online. I'm sure this will mainly be a resource for me, but I'm hoping other people will check it out too.
Story synopses under the cut!
Princess Paz
Princess Paz is a prodigy genius and scholar, widely beloved by all her kingdom. She was prophesied at birth to bring her country into a golden age at the dawning of her adulthood. However, she hasn’t slept even a minute since her 13th birthday. The adults in her life believe her insomnia is the prophecy come true, but her obstinate sister Corrin is convinced it's actually a curse. While Corrin goes searching for the answers, an otherworldly monster is let loose in the palace.
Fairies (temp title)
The fairy territory is witnessing its first ever monarch rise to power. Queen Silicaris towers over even the tallest fairies. Her body looks and moves as if it's made of molten glass, but her most devout followers insist she is the purest crystal. The queen has been hosting processions and parades through all parts of the fairy territory. She takes her seat at the new house of government in the Big Tree near the creek bed.
Beryl, a young courtier befriends Lark, the lone archivist. Together, they begin to suspect something unsavory is going on with the new queen. After getting too close to the truth, Beryl goes missing from the Big Tree--he wakes up in an unfamiliar forest and meets Agate, another fairy from his homeland who knows nothing of the queen.
Collision
It's the year 21XX; Adair is an auditor for the newly formed government agency called the Offworld Management Department (affectionately called DOOM--Department Of Offworld Management--by its employees). A little over one year prior to the start of the (actual) story, Adair survives a hit and run that knocks him and his motorbike off the edge of a highway ramp, critically injuring him. After a long time off work, he's ready to get back out in the field with his new assistant and best friend Cecil. What he doesn't know is that the accident was not an accident, but an attempt to kill him. Who would put a hit out on a nobody government worker? NOTE: Cecil, Adair, and Nica are some of my oldest ocs--I mostly put them in domestic scenarios and have fun with their personalities.
Moose (temp title)
After an earthquake, Moose and her friends Devon and Rem develop paranormal abilities while on a camping trip the summer after high school graduation. A few days later, Devon and his car disappear right in front of Moose and Rem's eyes. As they make their way back home without him, Moose sinks into a deep, desperate anguish. Once they reach their home city, it seems that the paranormal abilities have proliferated throughout the public, and Devon is still nowhere to be found.
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Hi! Just popping in for a free reading. Initial - V. Will my current job (agency temp) become permanent? Or will I have to start looking for something new again?
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I started following you on Facebook some years ago, and then apparently forgot all about your stuff. It just popped into my head randomly and I wanted to see if you're still active and if you're still making soda can sculptures?
Hi, I apologize, I have no idea when you sent this since Tumblr (at least mobile) doesn't have time stamps, and for whatever reason, I don't get notifications about messages. You're the first person I've heard who has migrated from my Facebook page to my Tumblr, so thank you for joining the blog! Way more commentary here than there where my mom can see.
To answer your question succinctly: I am alive, and that's about the best I can say I've been since covid.
(I have donation links at the bottom, if you feel moved to want to help me.)
The extended director's cut answer:
After I made the Eevee sculpture, grad school ramped up and I figured I'd return to sculpting after I got my degree and settled into a job. However, I graduated in Spring of 2020, so the job I had lined up was withdrawn, and with all the budget cuts and layoffs in my field, I was competing for jobs with people who were trying to reenter the field and had decades more experience than me.
I did 100+ applications (I lost count at 120-something), dozens of interviews (including getting to the final round of all that had such a format--which is a stupid format. You don't need to meet me in a formal pretense 3 times, ask me riddles, have me take multiple hour-long aptitude tests, plus make me travel on my own dime just to tell me "no" and not even send like a "2nd Place Loser" gift basket or accept my LinkedIn request or anything). I got super stressed and super depressed.
I was so busy with trying to find a job and trying to deal with the breakdowns of not finding one. I tried applying in all the fields I was capable of at all levels: executive, mid, and gruntwork. I was turned down from entry level, no-talent-necessary jobs because I was overqualified. I was turned away from the others because of the lack of experience and unprecedented level and caliber of competition.
I was (still am) unable to pay my bills and, when not having breakdowns, I was calling, emailing, filling out applications, etc. for any and all financial aid. It was very arduous work and tedious with all the documentation they wanted from me, hold times on the phone, etc.
I had a non-profit (ADVOCAP) laugh at me when I asked for rent help because apparently they were overwhelmed and I wasn't going to get anything as I didn't have a job or kids and was considered a non-priority. Later when I was working with the ADRC, I asked if my case manager (I applied for disability, but I'll explain in a bit) if she knew of any rent help. She basically scolded me for asking and told me that it was unethical of me to seek that because "that's for people who actually have a chance." People who have jobs, she means. She explained that that money wasn't meant for me, and that was a whole unexpected slap in the face with a bag of dogshit. Didn't realize we had devolved into a utilitarian society quite that quickly.
I started working with FSET (my state's employment training and search help program. I was literally trying everything. Like I had also called my college and emailed all my professors asking for job help, and they had no answers other than like, "look online"). After months of no luck, FSET eventually convinced me to sign with a temp agency.
I worked 2 temp jobs that treated me like garbage (worsening my depression) and also paid me as such. I had lost all my savings to trying to stay afloat and my free time was non-existent, unless you count the hours I'd spend in the middle of the night just walking around my neighborhood listening to music--in an attempt to stop what seemed like endless crying--while I cried.
I tried selling plasma but they rejected me because I couldn't ever get my heart rate low enough, as my antidepressants increase heart rate. I tried going off of them, but I was on them for a reason, so I need to go back on.
When I graduated, I had bought myself a PS4 as a graduation gift to myself. I could afford it and thought I earned it. All the atmosphere of rejection and failure the pandemic created for me and my link to survival (employment should not be tied to survival. I was doing everything right and the system was failing me direly while virtually no one else who shared my experiences understood why I couldn't get a job when "everywhere is hiring" and "nobody wants to work anymore") and I started to hate myself for stuff like gifting myself the PS4. I felt undeserving, like a waste of resources, etc. because those were the messages I was constantly receiving directly and indirectly.
I eventually landed a job in my field and was hired on the spot. I felt like I had hit the jackpot and finally was going to be okay. Surprisingly to everyone in my life, the job made my life even worse.
I signed an NDA due to being horribly abused for the 10 months I was there, so I can't say much more than I just barely paid off my credit card, still had no free time as I was salary and worked nights and weekends in addition to my scheduled hours because the real reason they hired me instantly was not because I impressed them but rather because they were collapsing and desperate for anyone with some level of responsibility and capability. I hated that job, was bullied and abused extremely badly by coworkers and bosses and HR was no help, and when my performance review came back with negative impressions of me when I was sacrificing so much to keep the employment entity alive and functional, I completely broke.
I ended up hospitalized for months for suicide, and part of the NDA included resigning. I never fully recovered and don't think I ever will. I think I've seen and experienced too much to return to the idea that I could be the trailblazer my professors projected me to be (I now think professors don't actually provide an accurate representation of the field and encourage with no basis for their optimism).
The human mind is very easy to manipulate with propaganda, and I didn't catch myself being in a sort of “main character syndrome” and thinking that because I was Valedictorian of my graduating class and that I had so many national and international recognitions, awards, accolades, and qualifications that I was, for lack of a better term, pulling myself up by the bootstraps and going to be rewarded with a promising future where success is not just viable but imminent. I knew the world wasn't fair and that some people could do all the prescribed “right” steps and fail, but the operating paradigm (that had been ingrained in me since childhood from teachers who saw me as bright) I had held told me that I was far too talented and hard-working to fail. I had very little doubt that I wouldn't be successful. I was an ideal, hypothetical model of a pre-successful American worker.
So anyway, I didn't expect to have all the trouble that I faced finding a good job. At the end of the first summer of covid with nothing but rejections and employers affirming to me that there was nothing I could have improved on to get the job other than have prior experience, I was a discouraged worker who didn't even try anymore.
That's when FSET convinced me to do the temp agencies (who dropped me because one employer who was inhumanely abusive and ironically an HR department) gave a bullshit reason about me violating a protocol so they wouldn't have to make good on their promise to hire me after the temp period.
(I had allergies and it was literally the exact week in September when allergies were at their worst. A coworker, who hated me for some reason I never figured out and can only assume was jealousy, reported me for having a runny nose and I was immediately escorted out for bringing covid symptoms into the building. If I didn't go to work any day I had a runny nose, I wouldn't go any day. I take allergy meds literally every day of my life. My parents kept me too clean as a baby or something and didn't let me eat enough dirt, so an allergy panel showed I was allergic to every single common indoor and outdoor allergen).
Back to my suicidal hospitalization: I could say so much on the inpatient part. Suffice it to say I was never given my meds and there were no groups because they were understaffed and constantly wound up/pissed because of the uncooperative patients, so it was like prison where you had to argue with staff to get your basic needs met, and no soft surface existed and the water was always freezing, so it genuinely felt like being locked in a concrete box with no sunlight, no one on your side (they lied and said they called my psychiatrist and therapist. They never did. They also lied about ordering my meds), and no contact with the outside world. It was like a cruelly-designed Mr. Beast challenge with no reward in the end.
My friends said I was messed up for 2 weeks after and scary af because I was in survival-fight mode that would not turn off. I also was too overwhelmed by the outside world when I got out and could only eat pre-packaged snacks for a while because that was all I was used to/comfortable with.
Part of the agreement to let me leave inpatient was to do an intensive all-day outpatient program. I was actually dropped from that by insurance because I had undiagnosed ADHD among all my other issues and couldn't show up on time or sometimes at all. I still don't have my ADHD figured out because I had to convince my psychiatrist to refer me to a neuropsych who booked out for months to test me. I did it and got “Yes, much ADHD. All of the ADHD. Very wow.” So my psychiatrist finally believed me and agreed to start me on ADHD meds.
My psychiatrist and I are still working to find an ADHD med that would work for me. Vyvanse helped for a time, but my body metabolized it too quickly, leaving me with only around 6 functional hours in the day. I'm currently on extended-release Adderall, but so far not much help and there are too many other variables that could be fucking with it, like that my sleep-wake cycle is extremely unpredictable and I have a million appointments every day, so I am constantly sleep-deprived and am actually busier now than I was in grad school or any 8-hour job I worked.
The breakdown I had triggered me to develop fibromyalgia, so that has been a whole ordeal. I'm constantly in pain, it again took many months to see any doctor about it, and the meds take so long to start taking effect that we've been trying since June to find something that works.
The crucible that was my pandemic experience didn't refine me like fire refines gold or whatever the saying is but rather left me burnt, and not in the way that you can scrape the charred parts off of toast but like BURNT burnt (I can't think of an example. Maybe a popsicle. You're not getting that back once you take a flamethrower to it. Plus the stick would crumble into ash. RIP popsicle).
My life lately is a lot of appointments I often miss and have to reschedule, arguments with various agencies and even my doctors, breakdowns, and driving for Uber Eats because no one can fire me (but it pays beans and I get flack from restaurants and customers AND Uber because somehow the driver is the scapegoat for any issue that arises. I was so proud of my delivery aptitude and quality service until the tip-baiters and people being assholes for no reason started hitting me as common and daily occurrences).
A lot of people don't understand how UberEats works, but Uber doesn't even pay their driver enough to cover gas or depreciation on their vehicle for the mileage, much less the value of the driver's time and physical efforts. Tips are literally ⅔ of my income and my income does not cover my bills despite all the time I put in and algorithm I set up for myself that determines which trips to accept/reject for the most profit. It's a very toxic and unprotected form of employment. A lot of people lie that I didn't give them their food so that they can get a refund, but that comes back on me and risks my account being deactivated. It's virtually a fear-based system with some tricky artificial competition that Uber likes to throw in from time to time to convince us to drive for less and less pay.
I've looked into all the alternatives like GrubHub, Spark, DoorDash, etc. but I've been on their waiting lists for years, including GrubHub booting me off their list even though I was always quick to respond to their periodic question of if I still wanted to be on the list.
Between depression and ADHD, I can't work a normal job. I no longer have the capacity to keep a routine and can't show up to things with any level of reliability despite how badly I want to. I also don't have the spoons to deal with working with others or being accountable for tasks that feel--idk how to articulate it, but like--stupid to my autism. If something seems inefficient or not progressive (like not helpful to humanity) to me, I can't get my brain to do it. And with ADHD, if it's not interesting to me/something I am passionate about (I was extremely lucky that learning and receiving the praise from teachers I never got from my parents was my passion that got me so far and through multiple degrees), I can't get my brain to let me do it. Sometimes I just can't do anything, including things I want to do, and simply end up stuck. I wouldn't last in any job that wasn't self-directed and only happening when I have the spoons to be available. My options are very limited. And Uber can be slow. I've had times where I've waited 13 hours and not gotten a single request that wasn't going to cost me money to run.
Uber has some personal difficulties for me. In the summer, I found it a little bit fun, but now that it's cold, my Raynaud's is painful and I don't enjoy having to watch out for people who got their licenses from cereal boxes and don't know how to drive in the snow. It's an unpleasant sensory experience for me to work and honestly risky safety-wise. People don't turn on their porch lights for some reason (I have a headlamp now) and don't salt their walkways, and I'm uncoordinated because my dad didn't throw a ball at me enough as a kid probably, so there's ice, the treads on my boots are shot (and I can't afford to replace them), and I get banged up from falling on concrete.
I have a chiropractor and physical therapist, and they each said even before this that they could see me every day and still have something to work on with me. It's affirming, at least, to hear that professionals can physically feel how in pain my body is and that it's not just me being a baby. Part of it, I'm sure, is that I have PTSD (including from the traumas of my various pandemic experiences) and have horrible nightmares every night where I jerk around a lot in my sleep. I wake up every day feeling like I got hit by a bus, which is also partially why I don't get places on time.
On my own time, I'll spend 2 hours trying to get out of bed both overcoming the pain to move and convincing myself to get the willpower to. It's so much easier to just lie there and accept it, especially when I don't look forward to having to do another day. I don't feel rested because I spent the night working my body and brain, so I'm not sure I ever am rested. I need so much more sleep now, too, with fibromyalgia. This adds to my stress of outpacing my bills and just keeping up with the maintenance of myself and my apartment because that's less time I have to get things done.
I have 4 alarms (phone vibrating plus noise, an earthquake pillow one, my Fitbit vibrating on my wrist, and a Pavlok going all out screaming, vibrating, and shocking me with electricity), and it's still possible for me to sleep through all of them or somehow turn them off while half-asleep and go back to sleep. There are also times where I will be like, “Okay, getting up now,” and then I black out and it's 4 hours later and I missed 3 appointments that will take weeks to reschedule, if the clinic hasn't dropped me for the tardiness and absence. I'm running out of clinics to go to.
On a mental level, I am in a near-constant state of overwhelm that holds me inches from a full-blown, all-day breakdown at any given moment. Something about being so stressed with no relief for years on end has rewired my brain, I think, to make the adrenaline pathway so reinforced and the stress part of the brain overlit/overactive. I don't know how to relax. Doctors keep telling me I need to, especially with fibromyalgia, but I physically cannot seem to do it. I can't focus on anything like movies. Nothing is fun when I have always-present and terrorizing (by threatening my survival) pressure from all these stressors (mainly money. I'm in a constant race against my monthly bills, and each month, they creep closer and closer to outpacing me). I'm never happy to wake up and I'm always low-key scared. I'm desperate for security in any form.
I was so unable to do tasks after my suicidal breakdown that even though my psychiatrist, therapist, and general physician were begging me to apply for disability. I had hoped I just needed a few months of R&R and would be right back to being willing and able to work. That never happened, and it was extremely difficult for me to accept the fact that I was disabled. When I finally did, I begged for months for people to help me fill out all the forms (they were overwhelming me, which is, y'know, kind of a key feature of my disability) and no one did, so I lost months of time there. I eventually just had a moment of conviction or indignation or something that I was able to force myself to do them. I'm still kind of mad at everyone who didn't help.
My therapist actually did her best to help and, when the outpatient hospital ousted me because insurance refused to pay for it anymore, referred me to the county's CCS (Community Care Something-or-other) program. They gave me a worker who allegedly had some psychology- or human services-related degree who would help me function for 1 hour a week. I think the whole program is a farce and despite spending hours on this program, we accomplished absolutely nothing.
The first CCS worker I had was supposed to come over to my place (which had become a mess. I was a messy person before, as my apartment was a graveyard of unfinished projects due to my ADHD), but with my extended burnout, I wasn't cleaning and organizing on the level I used to. So I texted my CCS person a warning that my kitchen table was cluttered. I mean it to mean, “It will take me a minute to clear the table once you get here for your laptop for you to finish the unreasonably long entry paperwork on me, and I haven't gotten the energy to declutter it yet and won't until you get here because my ADHD needs a body double right now. She, for reasons I still don't understand, canceled the visit and never came. When I confronted her about what I meant, she was like…embarrassed to the point of not being willing to work with me anymore. There was a communication breakdown that I couldn't get her to communicate with me and she was somehow scared of how much and how articulated or something I communicated that she shut down.
I understand I “overcommunicate” from the perspective of allistics and neurotypicals [I had a bad childhood and was invalidated and wrongly blamed for things a lot, so I give as much explanation as possible to avoid any misunderstanding and articulate to the point that there won't be any ambiguities and thus can't be twisted into reason to punish me when I've done nothing to earn punishment. My caretakers as a child had their own mental issues that led them to being unreliable/unsafe to me and didn't offer me any feelings of security in relationships, perspective of reality (them taking their anger out on me and telling me everything, including their personal problems, was my fault), and ultimately everyone seems to say they want transparency and communication, but from my experiences and perspective, they don't want that. I have no idea what they really want. I give the level of communication I would want someone to give me and hope that they will just discard the parts they don't need/want, and apparently that's me being a burden or something and a “bad” quality.
Meanwhile, I WISH people would communicate and be transparent with me more. I think I am an understanding person who has done enough work on themselves to not repeat toxic patterns and be a healthy relationship to others. I don't listen to judge but to understand so I can work with the other person to fix any problems and work with what we got, not devalue them and distance myself or abandon them. Everyone on dating apps says they want this, but I've yet to meet someone who does. I think it's that people see this as an ideal but are unskilled at the time to play their role in the situation–both in offering and responding. I think I've put so many years of therapy and introspection into working on myself that others just haven't, so we're simply on different levels. I know I'm not alone in my experiences, but it's very isolating when you don't meet people who have done the same work.
Anyway, I got assigned a new CCS worker and she did not do all that work I described. When I was told I would be assigned to someone else, I specifically asked for one who has seen some shit and that nothing I do or say will move them. They did at least give me someone older with more experience, but she either over- or under-estimated me (I can't discern which). She, working in the same building as my therapist and being basically in at least a good bit of communication with her when I wasn't around, knew that I had a lot of crap going on that I needed more therapy/support/help unraveling and making sense of and peace with than the 45 min/week I got with my current therapist. So she offered to be like a second therapist and said I could tell her absolutely anything.
As the pattern of this narrative likely already cues, it turned out I could not tell her absolutely anything. I was a few months into my transition and no one prepares you for some of the changes. My endocrinologist had only told me, “You might go bald.” I thought my years of research and consulting with transmen in my life had encompassed all I needed to know. However, we sometimes do not know what we don't know and thus don't think to ask the questions we need to ask. As probably an autistic/abused person trait of mine, I speak very clinically and technically. At the time, I had recently been speaking with my therapist about anatomical changes that triggered emotions I was not prepared for. I attempted the same sort of conversation with my new CCS worker, but she yelled me for being inappropriate. Not just scolded but legit yelled, as if I wasn't a full grown adult capable of reason and discussion.
I was confused on what I did wrong, since I thought I was just taking her up on what she willingly offered. I am also a firm believer in the Mister Rogers quote about how anything that is mentionable is manageable (which goes back to why I don't listen to judge but rather to collaborate and also why I see disagreements as us vs. the problem rather than me vs. them. I do not feel the need to yell at someone unless it's like an emergency of some sort and there's a threat that yelling can somehow address and be beneficial to the situation).
From my perspective, I was being shut down and punished/shamed for asking for help with a problem that legit scared me and that I was willing to be vulnerable enough to share. I consider that sort of thing sacred and not something that can be trusted in everyone's hands. But the way she responded, to me, reinforced that I was a person unworthy of help: a message received from my childhood caretakers and all the people who were supposedly there to help me during my pandemic crises.
I couldn't bring myself to trust her anymore or even want to see her again. I'll admit that's a bit of my Emotional Dysregulation Disorder weighing in, but I didn't want her in any intimate spaces I'd need to let her into in order to serve me in her CCS capacity. I had had too many things go wrong lately in that time to not shut myself down to prevent more hurt by simply refusing any future opportunity for more hurt to occur. I was well beyond my limit and it took much convincing from my therapist for me to even give CCS a chance to help me.
Still, I asked to be reassigned to another CCS worker, this time knowing that I could not trust what they claim to offer and just keep the things we work on surface-level functioning--like cleaning my oven or going through the pile of mail I hadn't opened in weeks because their potential contents paralyzed me with fear.
I was denied my request and let go from the program as they felt I had burned through 2 workers and thus proven that I am not a good candidate for the program. I still don't agree with this and argued, but after weeks of (a reasonable number of) periodic emails and voicemails, I never got an email or call back. In hindsight, I maybe should have reported to the county what happened, but it's been like a year.
That mostly brings us back to the present. I have been back in FSET since Spring but just focusing on staying afloat with Uber/working on whatever I can handle. I had a whole researched and designed pitch asking them to fund the several hundred dollars it would be for me to become a mobile notary, but they denied my request as they lack the funds. They also denied my request for new boots for the Uber hazards because they felt it was a fashion thing and not a need. Agencies, or honestly anyone with any power over me, not understanding me even with my articulate, crystal-clear explanations isn't surprising to me anymore. And counterintuitively, more explanation (even from different approaches) does not help and just makes me think I'm weird, which somehow is taken as more cause to not grant whatever request it is I am making in the first place.
So I Uber, I argue with doctors and agencies to try to get my needs met, and I have breakdowns despite my efforts to not. I have always had a massive list of more sculptures I want to make. I do want to get to a point where I can make them someday. I've been waiting on disability for an answer for nearly a year and done all I can to bolster my case with getting doctor testimonies, giving my testimony, noting clinic visits so the person assigned to my case can view the findings of them, getting an ADRC contact to guide me (though looking back, she didn't help at all and it was me searching out and discovering everything on my own while all she did was forward what documentation I had to the state for me)... All I can do is try to survive until they say “yes,” but they usually say “no” first (which is why an alarming number of people file bankruptcy and/or die waiting for a disability decision), especially since mental health reasons are the hardest ones to get approved, and my ADRC contact has been using language such as, “This will make it easier for next time,” and I'm not prepared to hear her tell me she thinks we'll have to file another claim and wait another year, so I don't ask
I feel terrible that I've not been sculpting or posting. I miss engaging the Tumblr community and sharing my art with people who appreciate it (and not tell me it's garbage. Wtf, Grandma).
The fact that I couldn't actually bring myself to commit suicide and still don't even though the extremely-difficult-to-survive--particularly with multiple debilitating ailments--and high cost I incur daily to myself trying to keep my head above water as long as I can, tells me that there is a life better than this that I want to live. I can't fathom for myself anything other than what is current, and I am putting all my chips into believing that I could be wrong and there's a chance all my striving will eventually meet stable ground to rest upon, where I can return to myself and make art again. I hate to think this wreck is who I really am and want to believe this is just who I am under a stupid-amount of pressure that no human should ever have to endure. A lot of people have been quick to point out all the resources, but I guarantee I've pursued all of them hard and received some help but not nearly enough. It's hard to wrestle with the feelings of not being enough to live or not being worthy of living because it's such a struggle for me to throw enough money at bills/expenses to allow me to live. It shouldn't cost someone all of themselves to try (and imminently fail) to earn the allowance to live.
Things like the ACP and student loan freeze (I owe $80,000+ because college is an overpromising, commercialized thing that is more gamble than guarantee) are ending soon (or maybe have ended and I just haven't opened my mail to know), and I'm deathly afraid. Uber isn't enough and on down-times with them and when my various ailments aren't being debilitating, I work on selling things to try to make enough for the month. Obviously I'm eventually going to run out of things to sell.
I'm also fearful that my estimated disability check, if I get one, is only going to be $900/month, because I didn't get enough work experience to be allowed more. I genuinely don't know that that's going to be enough, especially since the price of everything like rent is inflating. I don't know how long I can financially sustain my means of survival. But I'm still doing everything I can. It's jarring to go from decorated Valedictorian to…whatever exhausted mess this is.
My parents stopped asking me months ago how things are going because they know it's never good. They don't have the means to help me as my mom got laid off of work, my dad has dementia and doesn't work, and if I have to live with them again, I would essentially be signing off on my own death certificate because even spending a few hours in that home, with those people, is enough to completely drain me, trigger so much PTSD, grind my mental health down even more with whatever new dynamics and energies they decide to inject in our interactions. I wasn't free to fight the battles I needed to until I moved out into my own private space, and since it is the cheapest option in the entire city and so necessary of a component to my mental health, my therapist identified keeping my apartment as my number one priority. With my mental health, I wouldn't do well at all or be able to get back on my feet if I was homeless.
This turned into a lot more than I intended, but I'm really satisfied that it explains my situation and makes it known that you can do everything right and still lose. The system will cannibalize you if you don't have money to start with and don't have the means to keep it coming. Poverty charges interest and there are no days off, especially if you're disabled. There are no real safetynets and the ones that exist are overwhelmed, underfunded, underpowered, and essentially only serve to make the ones who don't need them feel satisfied (and aren't outraged and pushing for changes) being sold the lie that those who need help have it available to them. Having an inside view of what the experience is, I am apalled at how little systemic support or consideration there is for the disabled, especially since it is the largest minority group that anyone can join at any time.
Some days suck worse than others, like when the weather is so bad that I cannot Uber or when my pain or mental state has been aggravated and I haven't made enough time for self-care so it has decided for me when self-care must be attended to. I wish I could give myself the self-care my mind and body need so I can be healthier, more resilient to setbacks, and feel less pain, but honestly some nights I don't even go to bed because there isn't enough time/I can't afford to not be working or selling things. Society likes to frame self-care as a luxury and only recently (since covid attacked everyone's mental health) did self-care start to be widely accepted as a need. It's just too bad all that rhetoric amounted to is awareness without action. Capitalism still demands and glorifies the nonstop grind, even if it kills us.
Obviously some days are better than others and it feels incredible when I feel a genuine smile spread across my face. I wish it wasn't so foreign of a feeling, but the fact that it is makes it more impactful. I try to give my attention to hope, even if I have no practical basis to believe it exists.
Receiving this ask did ultimately bring a smile to my face because it means I'm still cared for in a world that kicks me to the ground daily and says I don't deserve care. It is so hard for me to even care about myself a lot of the time, with all the negative messages I've internalized from my dominatingly high ratio of experiences that are rejection or failure in some form. Ultimately, we all just want to be loved. Thank you so much for reminding me that pain isn't all there is for me (it's easy to get sucked into that mindset after years of nearly everything gutting me. I often fail to even notice myself falling into it and being consumed by it).
I know I don't owe anyone an explanation for my absence and that no one is mad at me or blaming me for it that I would need to provide some sort of justification. But I wanted to communicate with you all because I love you. I genuinely mean that.
I still think about this from time to time and I still want come back to making and sharing sculptures and just having fun hearing all the things you have to say about them and how delighting, inspiring, or entertaining you find them. I consider the ability to do that and this Tumblr page to be one of my greatest things I've made. I don't care about money and despise that money dictates virtually every aspect of my life in the worst way. Community, creativity, and self-improvement motivated by joy/love rather than profit/fear are of infinitely more value to me. I'm still pursuing that dynamic in the end through all of this.
By no means is anyone obligated to donate to me, but if you can afford to and want to, I'll post my payment platform things below (some may still have my birth name attached). Any amount helps and Lord knows I dove for a penny on the ground last week.
If you can't donate but still want to help, reblogging can help no matter how little reach you feel your blog has, and I also would appreciate words of encouragement or support. I also just want you to know that if you've been reading this far, I really appreciate that you care enough about me to do that.
All of my love,
Stan
(They/Them)
PayPal:
@Stanwagner09
Venmo:
@asclw7643
Zelle:
#Thank you everyone for your support#and thank you chronically-issy for checking in on me#chronically-issy
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Temp & Staffing Service In West Chicago | Print Operator | Bear Staffing
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What's going on? I don't know.
I've now had multiple people at multiple staffing agencies tell me this is the slowest year they've ever seen. Whatever people think the job market is like right now, it isn't. These jobs employers complain they can't fill, I think it's all a load of bullshit. Here's my own experience, and a few notes.
Since November of 2020 I have sent out over 370 applications, including direct company applications, through staffing agencies, through job sites, and even "cold calling". Outside of a couple of temp things, I don't even get responses. In all that time I've had less than 20 potentials contact me.
In one week I applied for four different jobs through a staffing agency, and within a few days every single one of them was yanked back by the employers.
In another week I applied for at least half a dozen data entry jobs, and every single one of them turned out just to be clickbait for filling out online surveys.
Re the above. I deleted my LinkedIn account ages ago because the only things showing up for me were yet more ads for filling out surveys.
The Wall Street Journal recently posted an article discussing, amongst other things, ghost ads. These are ads employers do put up themselves, but they aren't actually hiring. Several reasons are given: that they're pretending to hire to mollify overworked current staff, they're using it as a threat to keep current staff in line, it's a ready pool to quick hire just in case someone does quit, and it makes it look like the company is growing.
Large employers, like grocery chains, are cutting hours for current staff.
One employer I did have an interview with failed to call me back after the interview had to be postponed due to weather.
And just yesterday I was supposed to have a phone interview but the employer not only never bothered to call me at all, they didn't respond to my message asking what was going on.
That last one makes me want to puck in the mouth any employer who says they can't find staff. It's not just me, either. I see a growing number of people talk about their work struggles, applying for jobs in triple digits, and getting nowhere. We're all applying for anything and everything, work below our trained and education skillsets, low wage jobs, part-time jobs, jobs in industries where we have no experience. Nothing's coming. This is happening across the board, in almost every industry. This problem is compounded for people with disabilities like myself, where our choices for work that's doable for us are limited even further. Are we unskilled? No.
Are we untrainable? No.
Are we lazy? No.
Are we reaching too high? No.
What's going on? I don't know.
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this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.
i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.
i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.
the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.
azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.
i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.
intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.
currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.
i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.
i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?
also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.
now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.
it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.
for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.
our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.
last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.
between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.
anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?
and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.
the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.
so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.
idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.
hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"
btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.
i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.
i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.
anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.
good fucking lord.
im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos
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Staffing Solutions in Longview, WA
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how are we supposed to survive in this society rn
maybe it’s just where I live but inflation is insane. I’m behind on bills. I have a job, but still can’t keep up. I’ve gone to the local food bank before I got my first pay check. great resource if anyone needs assistance. I’m planning on volunteering there on thanksgiving since I’ll be alone to pay it back.
the wages and job opportunities need to match this inflation. recruiters are insane. I saw a job posting that required a bachelor’s degree for a 16-18$ hourly position. I want a less physical job than the one I have now and have applied online, walked into local small businesses with a resume (like these boomers assume we aren’t doing), and tried going through a temp agency. I’m this close to making a fkng OFs because I need to pay my rent and can’t ask for help.
school is expensive. the trades could be an option. I’m just both mad at my 18 year old self for not finding a good career path and also at the state of the world rn.
happy halloween 🎃🐈⬛✨
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