#online attachment therapy

[renewaltherapy]

Insecure Attachment Therapy Ontario: A Path to Healing and Connection

Insecure attachment refers to patterns of relating that emerge when early bonding experiences with caregivers are inconsistent, neglectful, or traumatic. These patterns can significantly influence an individual's emotional well-being and interpersonal relationships throughout their life. In Ontario, addressing insecure attachment therapy ontario through specialized therapy is essential for fostering healthier connections and personal growth.

Renewal Therapy offers comprehensive online services tailored to individuals seeking to heal from insecure attachment, complex PTSD, and stress-related challenges. By utilizing evidence-based therapeutic approaches, individuals can work toward developing a more secure and fulfilling emotional foundation.

Understanding Insecure Attachment

Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, identifies four primary attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Insecure attachment encompasses the latter three styles, each characterized by distinct patterns:

Anxious Attachment: Individuals with this style often crave closeness but fear abandonment, leading to clinginess and heightened sensitivity to relationship dynamics.

Avoidant Attachment: Marked by a preference for independence, these individuals may struggle with intimacy and often suppress emotional needs.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: Also known as disorganized attachment, this style involves a mix of seeking and avoiding closeness, often stemming from unresolved trauma or inconsistent caregiving.

These attachment styles can lead to challenges such as difficulty trusting others, maintaining healthy boundaries, and managing emotions effectively. Without professional intervention, insecure attachment can impact various aspects of life, making therapy a crucial step toward healing.

Renewal Therapy's Approach to Insecure Attachment Therapy in Ontario

Renewal Therapy provides specialized online insecure attachment therapy Ontario, focusing on individualized treatment plans that promote healing and self-discovery. Their approach integrates various therapeutic techniques, ensuring comprehensive support for clients dealing with attachment-related struggles.

1. NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM): NARM is a powerful therapy model that focuses on healing developmental trauma. It helps clients understand how early attachment patterns influence their current behaviors and emotions. Through this approach, individuals can build self-awareness and develop healthier coping strategies.

2. Internal Family Systems (IFS): IFS therapy explores different "parts" of the self that may have been affected by past trauma. By understanding and integrating these parts, individuals can work through unresolved emotional conflicts, fostering inner harmony and self-acceptance.

3. Brainspotting: Brainspotting is a unique technique used to access and process deep-seated trauma. By identifying eye positions linked to emotional distress, this therapy helps individuals release stored trauma and develop emotional resilience.

Through these evidence-based approaches, Renewal Therapy provides a supportive environment for individuals to heal from insecure attachment and achieve personal growth.

The Benefits of Online Therapy for Insecure Attachment

With the rise of virtual therapy, individuals can now access professional help from the comfort of their own homes. Online complex PTSD therapy Ontario, Montreal online therapy, and virtual stress therapy in Ontario have become increasingly popular options for those seeking flexible and effective mental health support.

Convenience and Accessibility

Online therapy eliminates geographical barriers, making it easier for individuals to access specialized services. Whether you're in a rural area or a busy city, virtual therapy ensures you receive the help you need without the stress of commuting.

Privacy and Comfort

Many individuals feel more comfortable discussing personal struggles in a familiar environment. Virtual therapy provides a safe space for clients to explore their emotions without fear of judgment.

Consistent Support

Through online attachment therapy, individuals can receive ongoing support tailored to their specific needs. Regular virtual sessions help clients stay committed to their healing journey, ensuring steady progress toward developing healthier attachment patterns.

Start Your Healing Journey with Renewal Therapy

Healing from insecure attachment is a transformative journey that requires patience, self-awareness, and professional guidance. At Renewal Therapy, clients receive compassionate support through personalized online therapy sessions. Whether you are struggling with past trauma, relationship difficulties, or emotional distress, expert therapists are here to help you build a more secure and fulfilling future.

If you’re looking for insecure attachment therapy Ontario, online complex PTSD therapy in Ontario, or virtual stress therapy in Ontario, Renewal Therapy offers evidence-based solutions tailored to your needs. Take the first step toward healing today by exploring the range of services available at Renewal Therapy.

[seawitchkaraoke]

The great thing about my (not tiny but not insanely high) follower count, none of which are tumblr celebrity who can curse me with notes, is generally posts won't get too many more notes than I'm expecting. I'll tag my vaguely insightful fandom takes or jokes with the fandom tags and then sure they'll get notes and occasionally even dip into the hundreds or occasionally thousands of notes. But in a mid sized fandom that just released the most recent episode that's not super surprising and it also isn't a problem bc those posts don't lend themselves to ppl getting super discoursy or mad about them

But the fun thing is. Despite the fact that I do have a decent number of followers at this point, none of them care about my untagged hottakes about "thing I saw that made me mad" of the day. They all follow me for some fandom or another that I once did a good post in and I'm probably consistently disappointing them by not posting about that fandom enough

So I can still be a hater on main bc as long as I resist the urge to maintag whatever I'm ranting about, it's gonna get at most 3 likes from a couple of mutuals.

It's disappointing occasionally bc I'll be like "this is such a hot take and I am so correct you should all reblog" but then I quickly calm down and recognise the blessing of not getting anon hate

[onlinecbttherapy1]

Trauma and Attachment: How EMDR Therapy and Online CBT Can Help Heal the Effects of Early Life Experiences

Early life experiences, especially those involving trauma, can have a profound impact on our emotional and psychological development. Whether it’s a traumatic birth experience, racial trauma, or struggles with attachment, these early experiences can shape how we interact with the world and ourselves. However, there is hope for healing, and two highly effective therapeutic approaches — EMDR therapy and online CBT — can provide crucial support.

In this blog, we’ll explore how these therapies can help heal the effects of trauma and attachment issues, particularly for children, adolescents, and mothers, and how specialized support, like a specialist racial trauma therapist or perinatal anxiety and depression CBT therapist, can make a world of difference.

Understanding Trauma and Attachment

Trauma can come in many forms: it could be a traumatic birth, early childhood abuse, neglect, or even experiences related to racial discrimination. Attachment, on the other hand, refers to the bond formed between a child and their primary caregiver, typically their mother. When this attachment is disrupted due to traumatic experiences, it can lead to emotional and behavioral challenges that persist into adulthood.

For mothers who have experienced traumatic birth and are struggling with PTSD, these issues can be compounded by feelings of guilt, isolation, and emotional disconnect from their child. When left unaddressed, these emotional scars can affect not only the mother but also the child, especially if the trauma isn’t resolved and processed.

How EMDR Therapy Can Heal Trauma and Attachment Issues

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is a well-established method for treating trauma and attachment issues. As an EMDR therapist for trauma and attachment, a therapist helps clients reprocess traumatic memories by using bilateral stimulation (typically through eye movements). This process allows the brain to reprocess memories in a healthier way, reducing the emotional charge of those memories.

For children and adults with attachment issues, EMDR can help them reframe past experiences, release negative beliefs formed in childhood, and foster healthier relationships. It’s particularly effective for individuals with complex trauma, such as those who may have been affected by traumatic birth experiences or racial trauma.

Online CBT Therapy: A Path to Emotional Healing

Online CBT therapy is an accessible, convenient option for individuals seeking support for trauma and attachment issues. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps individuals recognize and change negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to emotional distress. It is particularly useful for addressing the cognitive and emotional impacts of trauma.

For children and adolescents, CBT for children and adolescence focuses on helping young clients understand and manage their emotions and behaviors in a way that’s developmentally appropriate. Children often struggle with expressing trauma or attachment issues verbally, so CBT offers strategies to help them identify and process their feelings in a safe, structured environment.

For mothers dealing with perinatal anxiety and depression, CBT therapy can offer immediate relief from overwhelming thoughts and emotions. An online CBT therapist specializing in perinatal anxiety can work with mothers to address anxiety, guilt, and depression that often accompany motherhood, especially after a traumatic birth.

Integrating Sensory Therapy: A Holistic Approach to Healing

In addition to CBT for children and adolescence and EMDR therapy, a Child Sensory Integration Practitioner and therapist online can also play a key role in healing childhood trauma. Sensory integration therapy helps children process and respond to sensory stimuli more effectively. For children with trauma or attachment issues, sensory integration therapy can improve their ability to engage with the world around them in a calm and balanced way. Combined with online CBT therapy, sensory integration can provide a holistic approach to treatment, addressing both the emotional and sensory needs of children.

The Role of a Specialist Racial Trauma Therapist

Racial trauma is a form of trauma that stems from experiences of racial discrimination, bias, and violence. Specialist racial trauma therapists are trained to help individuals process the unique emotional pain associated with racial injustice. For those who have experienced racial trauma, whether as children or adults, this specialized therapy can be pivotal in healing attachment wounds caused by systemic oppression and discrimination.

In combination with EMDR therapy or online CBT therapy, a specialist racial trauma therapist helps clients address the deep-rooted emotional pain from racial injustice while also working on attachment issues that may have developed due to these early experiences.

Healing Through a Comprehensive Approach

When combined, EMDR therapy, online CBT therapy, and sensory integration therapy offer a comprehensive approach to healing trauma and attachment issues. Whether you’re seeking support for a traumatic birth and PTSD, perinatal anxiety and depression, or childhood attachment difficulties, these therapies can provide the tools and strategies you need to begin healing.

If you’re struggling with racial trauma or other forms of complex emotional distress, working with a specialist racial trauma therapist or an EMDR therapist for trauma and attachment can help you move forward in your healing journey.

Take the First Step Towards Healing

At Online-CBT, we understand that every trauma is unique and every individual’s healing journey is personal. Our team of online CBT therapists, EMDR therapists, and specialized practitioners are here to help you or your loved ones heal from the effects of early trauma and attachment issues. Whether you’re a mother struggling with the aftermath of a traumatic birth, a child dealing with emotional challenges, or someone seeking help for racial trauma, we are here to guide you every step of the way.

Take the first step towards healing today. Reach out to us and start your therapy journey from the comfort and privacy of your own home. You don’t have to do it alone.

[bladeofthestars]

.

[allpiesforourown]

Had a dream about your Bingge asshole roommate au and it was endgame liushen.

So basically, the Shens go on a family summer vacation, almost three whole months. It's a big deal because everyone manages to get time off work for it and therefore Shen Yuan needs to be there for the family bonding. Shen Yuan tries to wheedle Luo Binghe into joining the trip but Shen Jiu (can't remember if he's in your au but he's in my dream) puts his foot down and says no and then threatens Bingge into not ruining this trip by hogging his didi or he'll make sure Luo Binghe never sees Shen Yuan again.

While the Shens are on this trip they coincidentally run into the Liu family who are there for martial arts tournaments and vacation. While Shen Yuan is messaging Luo Binghe he's been put on a screen allowance, so only so much online time a day. He doesn't mention Liu Qingge to Bingge bc there's much more important things going on. Liu Qingge does not post on social media and therefore Bingge can't find out through him. Shen Yuan and Liu Qingge go on many classic summer adventures (wife plots) and eventually start dating.

Now here's the thing. You'd think by the time they get back Shen Yuan would tell Luo Binghe, right? Well, unfortunately Bingge has expressed his discomfort with being associated with anything or anyone homosexual and while Shen Yuan would never accuse Bingge of being homophobic, he also wouldn't want to put Bingge into the awkward position of having a gay roommate. So Shen Yuan doesn't tell Bingge but he does start hanging out with Liu Qingge more which Bingge doesn't notice bc Shen Yuan tells him that Shen Jiu wants him around more. This works because 1) Shen Jiu is willing to play into this bc between the manwhore beast and the noble brute he'd prefer the latter and 2) Shen Jiu is playing chaperone and 3) Even when Liushen have sleepovers it's at the Shen estate and if they share a room it's with the door open and with Liu Qingge on the floor. They hold hands.

This means Bingge directs all ire at Shen Jiu and even his location tracking on Shen Yuan doenst work. Eventually, Liushen decide to move in together and Shen Jiu convinces Shen Yuan to move out all his things before telling Bingge and that Shen Yuan didn't have to worry about Bingge being homeless bc Shen Yuan could still pay the rent until Bingge found a place of his own. It's only at this point that Bingge finds out about liushen and he crashes out but Shen Yuan interprets it as Bingge being vaguely homophobic and decides to leave Bingge to calm down. Bingge never has anything nice to say about liushen dating so this presumption is never cleared up.

Also, Shen Yuan will forever have rose-tinted glasses for Bingge but after dating the most noble man alive he's able to compare Bingge's attitudes towards his girlfriends to Liu Qingge with him and realises Bingge isn't a great boyfriend. He excuses it with Bingge needing therapy and having a hard childhood and that Bingge would be a good partner if he wasn't struggling. He leaves pamphlets on being a good partner, couples therapy and other such things for Bingge.

Bingge never recovers from liushen getting engaged and when they get married he makes a scene and has to be escorted out. Shen Yuan is convinced that Bingge was severely dependent and attached to him (Shen Joy's subtle prodding) and that more distance would be good, and also therapy.

I'm of the firm belief that once Shen Yuan is in a mutual, loving respectful relationship he cannot be seduced or stolen away. He is a faithful monogamous man (to his harem's chargin).

Dream demon Liu Qingge ass dream 😭😭 He crafted that in your head personally

[corollaservant]

Retail Therapy // Dabi x f!reader x Shigaraki (18+)

Synopsis: Working as a sales assistant in a high end sneaker shop is boring. But you're about to be taught otherwise.

Warnings: noncon/dubcon (idk about this one), degradation, humiliation, illegal recording, mentions of crimes, ableist remarks (not from reader), harassment, dumbification

A/N: kinda thought of the LoV as streamers (but not like gamers). thx anon in spam blog for encouraging this dumb idea, idk what this says about us:)

Another boring day at work. But honestly, what were you expecting? 

You didn’t know anyone who had fun working in retail. Not that this would be your job forever, as you planned on quitting and you know... try something else. Dropping out of college may have not been a smart move but you were confident that you’d find your path, somewhere, sometime. The store was never busy, the pricing and interior design repelling most passers-by and only attracting a couple influencer kids (you often laughed at the term) and their rich parents or a few unknown athletes in an effort to buy designer and make a better name for themselves. High end clients never showed up in person, they had no reason to, no one shopped at boutiques anymore—all the more sneaker ones. 

You would often kill time by watching stuff online (who didn’t), looking at the latest socialite news in various media outlets, the world was going downhill, you thought, as you absentmindedly sipped from your water bottle. Articles wrote about villains, social pariahs, as they’d branded them, parading power by killing innocent civilians ‘for the fun of it’. 

Two shadows at the door caused you to look up. Customers? No way. Your heart stopped for a second as both walked through the door. Was this some kind of a twisted game of fate? Who didn’t fucking know them, Dabi and his subordinate, the man he had on a leash, even though he was the supposed boss, Shigaraki Tomura. What the fuck where they doing here? 

The taller man, which you knew as Dabi, wore a dark blue jacket with the collars ripped while his patched purple skin stood out. Surgically attached staples (or where these piercings?) moved when he smiled. Despite the menacing appearance, you had to admit he looked quite... elegant? His shorter companion didn't fail to catch your eye either, a hood pulled low over his face and wearing a miserably plain outfit. Under other circumstances, you’d throw guys like them out the store—this wasn’t some charity but you quickly reconsidered, once you remembered their recent streaming. Shigaraki filmed Dabi burning up a whole forest just to kill some time as they laughed. Cool, yeah. Problem was they had accidentally murdered some poor people on a picnic, who they’d later find and film, joking about how ‘today was not the day for a picnic, guys’. The two villains would livestream the whole thing on various platforms, other times they’d upload it later on a channel, where perverse comments encouraged and gave them both views. They obviously had a clear immoral viewpoint on heroes (they despised the filth society had created on false pretense) and never failed to shout it even louder. 

‘’Hello, sweetheart.’’ Dabi greeted you, approaching the register. His loyal dog followed close, hands in his pockets and a sly smile. 

‘’Me and my...friend would like to check out a few shoes today, we’re feeling generous.’’ The friend didn't sound very friendly.

You regained composure and whispered a ‘’y-yes, sure!’’ as they looked at you. Dabi's eyes diverted to your work uniform, a blazer with exposed bust and a tight pencil skirt (yeah yeah, you knew this was a high end sneaker store but rules were rules and you had to attract the filthy rich somehow...manager's words, not yours)

‘’W-what would you guys like to see?’’ You stammered, their proximity not helping. 

‘’Sweetie got a speech impediment?’’ Shigaraki asked no one in particular before Dabi interrupted.

‘’Don’t listen to this asshole, he isn’t getting any so he’s always pissed off.’’ The first scowled but remained silent. 

Dabi seemed... kind? You thought as you looked at him and shyly moved to the display shelves. 

‘’S–so, could you guys tell me what you’re looking for exactly?’’ You couldn’t believe these two had to come to your place for fucking shoes—somehow the thought of villains having to buy clothes had never really crossed your mind. 

‘’We don’t fucking care, sweetheart.’’ Dabi said looking directly at your chest, eyeing your tits. Such a pervert, thinking you wouldn’t notice. 

The whole time Shigaraki was on his phone, which he held in a bizzare way, it was known his quirk involved his hands but you never bothered to care, both these guys were murderous and you possessed no ‘quirk’ whatsoever so it really wouldn’t matter if it came down to physical altercations. 

‘’We have t–these ones..’’ You lifted your arm up to show Dabi a new pair you got in last week as his eyes travelled to your bent ass, skirt accentuating the curves even more, as he smirked to himself. 

‘’T–they collaborated two brands for this.’’ You murmured, not sure he heard you. His presence made you anxious, you knew what he was capable of and definitely wanted to live another day. 

‘’Oh yeah?’’ Dabi said. ‘’How much do these cost? They’re fucking ugly.’’

You opened your mouth to retort but settled with a ‘’T–two grand.’’ It came off unsure and hesitant. 

‘’These are dead. Two grand for these abominations? Hey Shiggy, come look!’’ He told the man who had been too consumed with his phone to listen to the conversation.

‘’Look at that shit man, can you believe trash heroes buy that for two grand?’’ He questioned as the latter lifted his gaze.

‘’Yeah I really don’t give a fuck, buy your shit and go, I have content to upload.’’

‘’Please excuse him, baby, he’s just a weirdo who gets off on livestreaming the people he decays, don’t worry we won’t take long.’’ 

Decaying? Livestreams? And why did he call you baby? These guys had to be joking, they were openly talking about murdering people for fun and you suddenly felt sick, your stomach with its contents turned over.

You had been silent, looking at them in horror, while Dabi broke the silence.

‘’Awwh, c’mon now, I’ll be nice. I think I might like these.’’ He said and pointed to a pair of black plain sneakers, they’d suit him, you thought despite the predicament.

You must’ve not reacted at all so he spoke again.

‘’Are you slow, sweetheart? I said I want to try these on, in 15.’’ The tone made you immediately snap out of your thoughts and take a step back—he felt too close through your peripherals. 

‘’L–let me check in the b-back for you guys..’’ You apologized, you couldn’t even turn around but somehow got to the storage room. Fuck, of course he had to be wearing one of the largest freaking sizes, your store never brought these as no one ever bought them, what was he, a fucking giant? You were frantically searching through storage drawers and anything scattered you could find across the room but without success, the pair was sold out (was a basic choice) and the sizing available was 13 and below. Shit, you cursed, as you were about to exit, when you saw two figures at the door startling you. 

‘’What’s taking you so long? Lost in the hallway?’’ Dabi mocks, as Shigaraki snorts. 

‘’I- I– couldn’t f-find the ones you’re looking for.’’ You avert your eyes and Dabi’s smirk wavers.

‘’What does that mean, baby?’’ He furrows his brows. ‘’You should be grateful I even chose this shitty store in the first place. It’s not enough you charge poor customers two grand for shoes I can find in the dumpster, now you’re telling me you don’t have the one pair I actually liked?’’ He raises his tone as he has you practically pinned against the door. You could’ve sworn the other guy's laughing but the room’s spinning and you try to take a deep breath. 

‘’I- i’m sorry, guys, p-please let me try to find s-something else- for you, I–’’

‘’No, I think you can just shut the fuck up now. I don’t want excuses from that pretty mouth of yours.’’ His words hurt as you try blinking your tears away—it used to help but not when they’re flooding your eyes like a stream anyway. You feel like this could actually be your end and matter of fact, anyone would know soon enough, as you’d probably also get livestreamed while they’re at it.

‘’Soo.. let me get this straight, you can’t find a proper excuse, you don’t have my shoes, you make me and Tomura wait while you're blabbering some bullshit and you scam stupid cunts for money. Does your boss know he’s hired the dumbest whore on the planet or do you fuck him to keep your job? And for a shitty job like this? You reaally gotta be desperate.’’ He finishes and now the tears are well formed and fall from your eyes, as you sob—you literally sob, ashamed and hurt, these men didn't even know you and here they were throwing words around because of a pair of fucking shoes, you feel useless and embarrassed, as you choke out some ‘I'm sorry’s.

None of them seem to care about your tears or your stuffed nose, snots falling down your chest and staining the work blazer and Dabi continues in an amused tone.

‘’Stop crying, it's pathetic. Be of use instead, will you?’’ He sighs and looks at Shigaraki, who had been watching his phone intently the whole time.

‘’Tomura, how do you think bitches like her pay when they can’t satisfy my needs?’’ He asks the man, who contemplates for a second, kind of clueless and annoyed, interrupted from the live streaming of the rest of the LoV. 

‘’Ugh.. I don't know, kill her? Listen man, we don’t have much time, we have to go meet the rest, so whatever it is, make it quick. I want to show my face in Toga’s stream, she has too many hot bitches watching.’’

This man is out of his mind.

‘’Shiggy, you fucking incel, it’s not like you’re going to fuck any of them, so how about you put your scrambled, decayed brain to good use?’’ Dabi responds, all while you’re looking at the exchange horrified, where is this going?

‘’Well...since apparently I’m the smart one here, I’ll tell you both how this is gonna end up.’’ Dabi exhales, he sounds bored but his eyes gleam, he seems amused. ‘’You can’t offer me my shoes? You offer me your body, it’s not like you have anything else going on for you. I fuck you and your little cunt and you–’’ he turns his attention to Shigaraki, ‘’–you’re going to film the whole fucking thing. Should grant you enough pussy, once I let you participate.’’

-

You want to scream, you really do. But there’s no words coming out, the phone’s too far away, the storage room's hidden in plain sight and there’s two guys ganging up on you so what’s the only thing you do? Beg.

‘’P-please, Dabi, I can—I can help you find something else, we have-’’ You blabber but he cuts you off.

‘’Wow doll, surprised your dumb brain memorized the name. But I don’t blame you, I would too.’’ He’s inching closer to you, as you back off, each step he takes leads you towards the end of the room. The closet touches your back—you’re pinned under him, the shelves hit against your back.

‘’Got the camera on?’’ He tells Shigaraki, without turning to look at him, while the latter scoffs.

‘’Yeah, all set.’’ You can see him holding his phone and wait impatiently.

‘’Now..’’ Dabi says, ‘’take that nasty shirt off, God, who dresses whores like you up? Tits out and everything for the public to see.’’ He says as your shaking hands start unbuttoning the work blazer; you had no shirt under it, it was a hot day and you hadn’t bothered, it’s not like customers were frequent. 

He’s so close that your arms touch his shirt as you slowly unbutton it and the blazer falls down your shoulders, your bare tits in full display not just for him but for Shigaraki’s camera to film as well. His eyes rake you up and down, your cheeks stained with tears, your hair disheveled with strands that stick out in opposite directions as your tits quiver on your chest. It’s swift, but you notice how his turquoise eyes widen—not a lot, since they’re heavy lidded and half patched anyway.

‘’Fuck, these look nice..’’ He comments as he brings up both hands to grope them while you gasp. His hands are not as cold as you expected, they’re large, slender and painted black as he starts circling his wrists while still at a fair distance. You moan and he smirks, Shigaraki switching spots to get a better angle. 

Dabi closes the distance as his face is on yours, his breath on your mouth and you close your eyes when he laughs.

‘’Aw, did you think I’d kiss you?’’ He says as you whimper frustrated but he continues ‘’Whores like you don’t deserve kisses.’’ He grabs your skirt with both hands and aggressively lowers it as you stumble trying not to fall down.

His words cut deep and you fight the urge to let another stream of tears down your face; you’d been called names in the past, but the way he talked upset you way more than anyone before. Unbeknownst to him, your felt your panties smeared, his warm hands had turned you on—the thought of you being like this disgusted you. You really were pathetic and he’d soon find out.

His hands cupped your clothed cunt as you moaned ‘’D-dabi, please–’’ to which a voice from the back laughed. You had completely forgotten about Shigaraki, the fact that he was watching (and filming) making you want to vomit.

‘’Baby, please shut the fuck up.’’ Dabi says ‘’Tomura, are you getting this?’’ But at this point Tomura was not only getting it but holding the phone with one hand while the other rubbed a bulge on his pants.

Dabi moves your panties to the side, almost ripping them apart and pushes two fingers without warning in your cunt as you choke on a moan. His fingers feel good, too full in a way and he knows how to move them inside, working his way deeper, while they’re already long.

‘’Man, you’re not gonna believe how wet she is.’’ He tells Tomura, who hums and strokes his clothed cock, phone still in his hand. 

You’re being moved up and down the shelves, his fingers penetrate your cunt with force as you feel the pressure in your core build up, you think about fucking yourself on his fingers, grinding up and down—maybe cum and have them gone?, but he brings his other hand to your neck and chokes you with precision, blocking your airway immediately: ‘’Don’t think you get to decide when to cum.’’ He says and he removes his stained hands, your arousal is brought to your face as he turns around and proudly shows the camera. 

‘’Look at this retail cockwhore guys, pussy dripping from two men she couldn’t sell shoes to!’’ He brags and you crumble, embarrassed and desperate for an end.

‘’D-dabi, p–please don’t say that!’’ You mewl and he looks down at you with pity.

‘Say what? The fucking truth? Aren’t you a little cumslut, yes or no?’’

‘’I– I–am n-not—’’

‘’I said, are you or aren’t you my little cumslut, yes - or - no?’’ He orders as you notice something small and blue igniting from his fingertips and you freeze.

‘’Say it.’’

‘’I- i am.’’ You brokenly murmur, but he needs all the words. 

‘’You’re what?’’ 

‘’Y–your cumslut..’’

‘’I need the name too, camera's on you know’’. His patience wears thin, you can tell by his tone.

‘’I-i-am--Dabi’s cumslut.’’ You look at the camera and with that he finally snaps, turning you over and grabbing you by the waist, his fingers touch your bare back, as he spanks a heated palm on you and you flinch.

‘’Good, now let’s show everyone how cumsluts like you get fucked.’’ He unzips his pants and brings his cock in between your folds. 

The sensation is intoxicating, your heat and his pre in between you while your hands are stretched to touch a shelf you can’t reach. You don't even know what you're up against, fuck, you hadn't even seen—

‘’Make sure you’re getting this.’’ is all Dabi says before abruptly pushing his cock inside you as you let out a sharp cry, he’s too big and you can’t take him at once, a pain shoots up your belly as he starts thrusting at a steady pace. 

‘’P-please ‘s too much, s-slow d-down!’’ You yell behind you but he doesn’t seem to care, as he grabs your hips harshly and pushes himself deeper, your cunt stretching to accommodate whatever it can and you thank his fingers for the prior mess they made.

‘’Fuuck, feels too good.’’ He groans as he thrusts into you. You hear a sudden whimper and look around to see Shigaraki with his cock out, moving his fist up and down his length—eyes fixated on the spectacle. 

You don’t have time to beg him to stop filming because Dabi’s slender hands are toying with your clit, his cock rips apart your insides as pads of his fingers find the bundle of nerves with ease. He teases it—not harshly, as his cock does that for you, but in light strokes, like he’s trying to tickle you and you feel yourself tremble, your cunt twitches and he feels it too apparently, because he groans ‘’Shit, you’re tight, too? Who would’ve expected it, huh..’’ as Shigaraki is starting his commentary on camera.

‘’Take a look guys, this is probably the biggest cockwhore we’ve seen... look closer! getting her loose cunt all fucked like that.’’ Dabi huffs, skin slapping sounds reverberate across the storage, as he continues his pace, cock disappearing in between your folds.

‘’Man, shut the fuck up.’’ He tells the guy behind him, ‘’her pussy’s tight as shit..or maybe I just have a big cock.’’ You can tell he smirks and you moan, it's like he's harsher now, his cruel words while they shouldn't, are bringing you closer and you can’t deny the pleasure he’s giving you, each time he belittles you or Shigaraki for the matter.

You can't even see him, but you imagine him drinking in your pathetic state: desperate, arched back, lifted skirt and abused flesh—frustrated whines and miserable attempts to sink down his cock, even when you know damn well he’s the one setting the pace.

‘’Hey, Shiggy..’’ Dabi groans, ‘’want me to let the whore fuck herself on my cock? She seems soo eager.’’ He tells Tomura, who at this point is solely focused on your ass sinking on Dabi ahead.

‘’S-sure..’’ He breathes out, too horny to care. 

Dabi stops moving, cock hard and still inside you, stretching you out regardless, as you pant frustrated. You’d been so close and he stopped once again. Fuck it, you think, you need to get your release somehow. 

You take a deep breath and start tantalizing him, cock throbs in your walls while you move and grind your hips back and forth. Dabi hisses, his hands dig in your ass, a pain from a metal on your hips—you’d definitely have marks tomorrow but it feels too good and he lets you, which surprises you.

‘’D-dabi, is she good?’’ A voice calls from behind but Dabi doesn’t answer, he just lets you do your work as you increase your pace, your legs are about to fail you but you raise yourself up and grip whatever you can find in front of you; you can hardly breathe. You think you might make yourself cum and he must be on the verge too, because he grabs you by the hair and spears his cock so deep, you want to scream—but you can't because there's not enough air in your lungs to function. ‘’Enough.’’ He spits and starts drilling himself back at his own relentless pace.

You feel numb but a known sensation spirals under you, fuck, he feels good and you suddenly wish for his hands on your clit so you beg. Again. 

‘’D-dabi, please, agh t–touch me..there.’’ 

‘’Beggars can’t be choosers, baby.’’ He smirks and picks up the pace, if that's even possible, the motion perfect for your pussy to squeeze him in tighter and while he acts all tough, a hand is back on your clit. He wants you to come undone, wants to be the one bringing you to such despair. 

‘’D-dabi!, I-I'm-hmn.. g-gonna–’’

Hairs stick to your sweaty forehead, veins pop out your hands as you cum feeling a faint knot snap, you blabber a bunch of incoherent words and tremble, shutting your eyes in shame.

He’d been waiting for this, holding himself back but he wanted your mess, your pathetic orgasm so he can let himself go with a couple final thrusts. He groans, praising your ‘’good cunt– baby..’’ before shooting his load inside—shit, he came inside, you think, this is so wrong but the sensation is tingling, almost satisfying in a twisted way.

A voice interrupts the moment when both of you turn to look at Shigaraki, cock in between a fist and a frown on his face, he seems upset.

‘’Dabi, you idiot, I wanted her too.’’ He says and Dabi looks at you, fucked out and cum oozing from your hole. His cum. 

‘’Well,’’ Dabi looks at you, ‘’would my favorite cumslut help a friend in need?’’ he smirks, ‘’Just some head, we don’t have all the time in the world, alright?’’ He smiles as you lower your gaze—fuck fuck fuck, wasn't one enough? What's the point of arguing though, one look at both of them convinces you otherwise.

‘’C-could I please have some water?’’ You try to stall, throat dry and raspy from the sounds made earlier. 

‘’Water?’’ Dabi laughs, ‘’nah...it’s too far away. Here, have this instead.’’ He says as he approaches you and swiftly moves his hands up your cunt, gathering his load and your juices and bringing the mix to your mouth. ‘’Open up.’’ He orders and your eyes widen before you realize he sticks his fingers in your mouth, coating your tongue and continues ‘’now, you can suck the incel off.’’

Your mouth isn't dry anymore—it's disgustingly covered in his salty cum but Shigaraki's too impatient to retort and already has his cock poking at your opening. He’s smaller but has nonetheless notable girth. 

‘’Mhm..not gonna last, man.’’ He warns but Dabi seriously doesn't care. Indeed, once you're forced to take Tomura in your mouth under Dabi's glare and bob your head up and down a couple times, he pants and whines, cock jerks in your mouth, as a palm with the pinky lifted rests on your head pushing it down his groin. You gag as he stretches your mouth full, the flushed tip scratches down your throat, but soon enough he comes; you can tell by the way he frantically bucks his hips up, so you remove your mouth in tears, when he loses control, this feels horrible. His cum spurts all over the place, some lands on your hair and some on his shirt. 

‘’Fuck!’’ He groans, ‘’My shirt’s stained, you whore.’’ His voice is whiny as red eyes narrow. For the first time, he manages to inflict terror upon you, his hand’s about to touch you when Dabi interrupts.

‘’Enough, she’ll give you another one, I’m sure shitty store sells some lame shirts somewhere.’’

Tomura sighs and removes his shirt. He throws it to your face and hisses.

‘’Gross, you can keep it, cumslut’’. You feel tainted and humiliated, some fresh tears wipe semen off your face, when Dabi speaks up.

‘’Tomura–’’ There's still hope in your eyes, as you turn to him.

‘’She's about to put in on Depop, you know.’’

Dabi and Tomura smirk and you wordlessly get up, something plummets inside (your heart?), as you wipe tears inside your elbow, the only clean body part of yours.

-

It’s been hours since the shift ended and they left the store, blowing you a kiss but you’re curled up in bed as you anxiously scratch your knees. You feel dirty. Empty. You remember Dabi’s hands on you, Tomura’s shirt and load in your hair, which was later thoroughly washed to the point clumps fell off, when a message appears on your phone.

It’s a message request and it reads:

How’s my favorite cockwhore doing?

You suddenly feel very nauseous, how did they even find you? Your hands are shaking as you pick up your phone to unlock it, only for a new request from a different account to pop up: 

1 attachment sent.

You take a deep breath as you try to think rationally. Don’t cry. Crying doesn’t erase it. Don’t cry.

This could be worse, you finally convince yourself. This could’ve been livestreamed.

[coffeegnomee]

I feel like Ls!pangi doesn’t get talked about a lot like tr!pangi and I see analysis of other Lifestealers(mostly zam) and pangi just feels like a side piece for character development and want to see some love to ls!pangi

So Pangi on lifesteal doesn't get involved in the lore for like 90% of the time he is online. He used to a hell of a lot more back in s4, but around s5 he really started to hit his stride with his silly, more laid back video style. And in s6 he well full-out on making silly videos because he wanted to publish a video every single week from the start of the season to the end of the year. And in order to make people feel comfortable coming to his recordings, he became a pacifist and did not enter into the lore unless he found it absolutely necessary.

So that's the backstory on why people don't really write about ls!pangi. There just isn't that much to write about. And he isn't active, spending a lot of time on the realm (which is great).

He joked to Flame on the last session (saturday) that on lifesteal he is the weakest player, but on the realm he is the strongest. And that makes him approach the realm so completely differently.

That being said, his pacifism has strangely endeared himself to Flame, who generally hates pacifists but also loves Pangi's silly videos and wants to make sure Pangi can record. He went out of his way to help with the warden situation when mapicc dropped a bunch of wardens on Pangi's Christmas set, he helped stop the fire on the Christmas tree when Mane burnt it down and reprimanded Mane for being too much of a menace, and he is borrowing Pangi hearts (from his own secret backup in-case-i-get-banned-off-the-server-and-need-hearts stash) so all the chunguses involved in his Hunger Games will have 10 hearts.

Charmander duo is amazing and pangi's origin story with the lore is one of my favorite times of ls!pangi

In the early days of the season Flame decided to blow up spawn and Pangi decided to take it upon himself to talk to Flame, give him pseudo-therapy which turned into a really good mutual-understanding session that genuinely transformed Flame's mindset towards blowing up spawn more. He had Flame build a house and was incredibly supportive as Flame reluctantly approached building, and gently encouraged him to think about how much care people put into builds and how much pride you can have in your own accomplishments in building.

Flame was dead set in not playing along. Dead set in not getting any attachments to this house. Determined to say none of it mattered.

Pangi says he will blow up the house, to see what Flame really thinks. Flame gets really sad and asks him not to, and eventually Pangi relents giving the obvious analogy that clearly Flame care about this house and would rather not see it blown up, just as they would rather not see spawn be blown up.

The next day Flame threatens and does blow up spawn because nobody shows up for the fight, but when zam goes to investigate the damages, it is no where near as bad as the first time.

A couple days later, Pangi has been trying to coordinate the server into doing the 10v1 that Flame wants, but when he logs on, Mane starts being a menace to him. Mane stops being a menace to have a convo with Flame and Pangi about the fight, and everything is set. Pangi gets Flame to promise to make sure spawn doesn't get blown up again before the fight.

Pangi leaves but soon enough wemmbu shows up as well and starts threatening to blow up mapicc's castle. Pangi tries to get Flame to see that this is his responsibility, as a teammate of wemmbu, to prevent the destruction as per their agreement. Flame is lackluster and basically taking absolutely zero responsibility for wemmbu and mane, only saying he will not blow up spawn. Wemmbu is his ally, not teammate, he insists. This isn't good enough for Pangi, but Pangi leaves saying anything more and the deal is off.

Five minutes later Flame calls him back to his house, the one they built together. Wemmbu has blown it up. He mocked Flame for having a house then destroyed it in front of him despite Flame's pleas to stop. Flame is absolutely despondent about not being able to stop wemmbu in the slightest and doesn't know what to do. Pangi can see this is a huge struggle for Flame, but still insists Flame is the only one who can do anything; he can't and the server can't. They part for the evening.

Well, low and behold, mapicc was not happy in the slightest that wemmbu blew up his castle (for the second or third time at this point) and he tnt minecarted the circle of fighters that Pangi got together: 6 kills in one cart. It was legendary. Best cart in lifesteal history.

With the failure of this fight, Pangi gave up trying to be involved in the lore. He did what he could. Flame also more or less let go of the spawn battle, waiting a few weeks for a session and arriving with 1000 dogs and just killing whoever was around.

This was an Amazing series of Pangi lore, honestly one of my favorite couple of streams of the season. Watching Pangi genuinely approach the lore without great seriousness, actually using all of his brain to come up with ways to convince Flame and Mane and Wemmbu to stop, dealing with being helpless but pushing though despite it all because he believed Flame had a good heart. It was amazing pangi lore.

It was also in August. (8/25 to 8/29)

So.

Not too recent.

[myownwholewildworld]

well, i decided to bite the bullet on this one! thank you to the lovelies @almostfoxglove and @gothcsz for the tags, and a special thanks to @jolapeno for this beautiful 2024 tootathon event! i think it's a pretty common theme between us lot, but seems like tooting ourselves is not our forte - at least not mine! i had been lurking in the shadows for a long while, but july came around and i said, why the hell not? so basically i'm a baby in the fandom, learning from the very best. i've been writing for almost two decades now, but mostly in spanish and on different platforms. i found myself looking for a creative outlet this summer and transitioning out of my online rpg era (foroactivo/jcink, i won't miss you). i am so glad i did, cause i found a home here 🥹 anyway enough yapping!

i have written over 170k words this year (probs a lot more if i take into account my rpg shenanigans) and at one point i've been very attached to everything i've written, so it's really hard to pick some favourites, but here we go!

per aspera ad astra (marcus acacius series) - this is one series i wasn't expecting to write as a fic this year as it was planned for something else, but here we are! i am just enjoying all the angst, it's like therapy lmao

the right kind of wrong (dbf!joel miller one shot) - look... the brain rot won and i gave in to the dbf trope. i loved writing it and seeing that other people enjoyed it too!

the way to a great wide somewhere (beast!din djarin one shot) - i just... idk 🫠 the moment i thought of this i knew i had to put it into words or i would quite literally die.

when the moon howls (javier peña one shot) - as i was rewatching narcos i had this itch i needed to scratch and the jolabrew + withcheese fall challenge gave me the perfect excuse to try my hand at writing Peña.

i regrettably have not been giffing as much as i would have liked to this year, but i promised myself i would pick this up in 2025 again! but here are my two favourite gifsets i've made.

tlou 1x03 - if you know me, you'll know that my favourite episode from tlou is 1x03 because i love bill and frank to fucking bits 😭 it broke me and it healed me in so many different ways.

pp press tour interview - when i watched this the first time i was like "yeah 1000% agree" because marcus acacius in that white armour is my fucking everything.

nothing of this would have happened if it wasn't for the people who stop by and read our stories, and for the writers who feed us amazing fics - writers and readers alike, god i love y'all. we all keep this amazing fandom alive. and i know there's been some rough lows this year, but here we still are!

i could go on and on tagging people who make me smile every fucking day but i'd be bound to miss someone and i could not forgive myself if i did that. so please, take this as my heartfelt thank you to every single one of you. i see you, i appreciate you, i love you. like for real.

some np tags for moots who might want to participate (and apologies if you already have!):

@joelmillerisapunk @joelslegalwhre @inept-the-magnificent @punkseyes @styleispunk @aurorawritestoescape @syd-djarin @katiexpunk @baronessvonglitter @orcasoul

[sk-lumen]

How to declutter for a fresh New Year 🫧

The very first time I got into the spirit of minimalism and decluttering physically, mentally and emotionally, it was challenging as I still had a lot of resistance and attachment to things.

I started this during winter many years back, and it's becoming easier and easier. Not just as a great practice before the new year, but also as a habit throughout the year or whenever I feel like it.

When I started seeing how the mental load, the brain fog and distraction and worry... shifted into peace, relief, joy and mental clarity every time I let go of things, I understood why it's important to not be a hoarder. Physically or otherwise. (Of course this has nuance to it and it can be a privilege to be able to do it, but that's for a different topic.)

Here are ways you can start the new year fresh (or just clear the energy any time you need):

Online / social media

delete old files or photos you don't need from your devices or cloud

unfollow accounts on social media that don't inspire/uplift you

delete old messages

archive or delete conversations you no longer want to see

block or delete numbers that are affecting your mental health

Home

throw away things that are broken or falling apart (clothes, items, lingerie, etc)

donate or sell clothes you no longer use or want

sell items you don't use anymore but which are perfectly functional (hair straightener, lamp, etc)

throw away or repurpose gift bags, bags, cards

put away items you still need but are not using in this particular season - ie. put away into storage any winter clothing during summer, it's just cluttering your hangers

reorganize your home, your room, your bathroom, move furniture around or replace decor to give it a fresh exciting new feel and remove any stale energies

Physically

salt bath with essential oils to release any tension or toxins

lemon water, ginger and turmeric shots for cleansing

drink plenty of water or green tea or mint tea for improved digestion

Mentally

dedicate a journal to write down tasks, lists, to vent any negativity, or just thought-dump at the end of the day in order to feel lighter and clear-headed

have a calendar or agenda to note any important things, to lighten the mental load

say things that keep bothering you for days/weeks, do things you've been antsy to get done for days/weeks

Emotionally

journaling is an amazing way to offload emotionally

going to therapy

talking to a friend or family

cultivating healthy boundaries and communicating your needs

Spiritually

do a guided meditation to clear your head

spend time in nature, in the forest, by the sea, away from noise and crowds to clear your energy

you can also use crystals like crystal quartz to cleanse your aura

[renewaltherapy]

Online Attachment Therapy and Virtual Stress Therapy in Ontario: Healing from the Comfort of Your Home

In today’s fast-paced world, mental health challenges such as attachment issues, complex PTSD, and chronic stress are becoming more prevalent. Many individuals struggle with emotional regulation, interpersonal relationships, and self-esteem due to past experiences that have shaped their attachment styles. Fortunately, therapy has evolved to become more accessible, with online services offering effective solutions for those seeking support.

At Renewal Therapy, we specialize in online attachment therapy and virtual stress therapy in Ontario, providing individuals with a safe space to heal and grow. Whether you’re dealing with insecure attachment, unresolved trauma, or overwhelming stress, our virtual therapy services offer professional guidance to help you navigate these challenges.

Understanding Attachment and Its Impact on Mental Health

Attachment theory explains how early relationships shape our emotional and psychological development. Secure attachments in childhood help foster healthy relationships and emotional resilience, while insecure attachments can lead to difficulties in adulthood.

Common signs of insecure attachment include:

Fear of intimacy and vulnerability

Difficulty trusting others

Struggles with emotional regulation

Chronic people-pleasing or avoidance of conflict

Hyper-independence and self-isolation

Online attachment therapy focuses on addressing these patterns, helping individuals develop healthier relationships and emotional well-being. Through evidence-based approaches like NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM), Brainspotting, and Internal Family Systems (IFS), we guide clients toward self-awareness, emotional healing, and improved interpersonal connections.

The Benefits of Online Attachment Therapy

Many people hesitate to seek therapy due to logistical challenges, stigma, or lack of access to specialized professionals. Online therapy eliminates these barriers, providing a flexible, confidential, and convenient way to receive support.

Some key benefits of online attachment therapy in Ontario include:

Accessibility: Therapy sessions can be conducted from the comfort of your home, making it easier for those with busy schedules or mobility challenges.

Consistency: Regular sessions help reinforce therapeutic progress without the disruption of travel or location-based limitations.

Comfort and Safety: Engaging in therapy from a familiar environment can enhance emotional openness and ease of communication.

Professional Expertise: Access to highly trained therapists specializing in attachment-based interventions, regardless of geographical location.

By choosing Renewal Therapy, you receive compassionate, expert guidance tailored to your specific needs, helping you break free from unhealthy attachment patterns and build a stronger emotional foundation.

Addressing Trauma with Online Complex PTSD Therapy in Ontario

Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) results from prolonged exposure to traumatic experiences, often in childhood or abusive relationships. Unlike traditional PTSD, which stems from a single traumatic event, C-PTSD involves ongoing emotional distress, difficulty regulating emotions, and struggles with self-identity.

Our online complex PTSD therapy Ontario provides specialized treatment to help clients:

Process past traumas in a safe and supportive environment

Develop emotional regulation techniques

Foster self-compassion and resilience

Improve relational patterns and self-esteem

Through a combination of trauma-informed approaches and personalized therapy plans, we empower individuals to reclaim their sense of self and lead fulfilling lives.

Managing Stress with Virtual Stress Therapy in Ontario

Stress is an inevitable part of life, but chronic stress can take a toll on mental and physical health. Virtual stress therapy Ontario helps individuals develop effective coping strategies to manage stress and prevent burnout.

At Renewal Therapy, we focus on:

Identifying personal stress triggers

Implementing mindfulness and relaxation techniques

Enhancing nervous system regulation

Creating sustainable self-care routines

By learning to manage stress effectively, clients experience improved mental clarity, emotional stability, and overall well-being.

Expanding Our Reach: Montreal Online Therapy Services

While we primarily serve clients in Ontario, we also recognize the growing demand for online therapy across Canada. If you’re searching for Montreal online therapy, our virtual sessions provide the same high-quality support, helping individuals in Quebec and beyond access professional mental health care.

Why Choose Renewal Therapy?

At Renewal Therapy, we believe in a holistic and client-centered approach to healing. Our therapists are trained in advanced therapeutic modalities, ensuring that each client receives personalized care that aligns with their unique needs.

By choosing our online attachment therapy and virtual stress therapy in Ontario, you benefit from:

A Safe and Supportive Environment: We prioritize emotional safety, ensuring that clients feel heard, valued, and respected.

Flexible Scheduling: Virtual therapy allows for greater flexibility, making it easier to integrate sessions into your daily routine.

Tailored Treatment Plans: Each therapy plan is customized to address your specific concerns, whether related to attachment issues, trauma, or stress management.

Professional Expertise: Our therapists specialize in trauma-informed care, attachment-based interventions, and stress management techniques.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

Seeking therapy is a courageous decision that can lead to profound personal growth and emotional well-being. Whether you’re struggling with attachment issues, trauma, or stress, Renewal Therapy is here to support you on your healing journey.

If you’re ready to begin online attachment therapy or virtual stress therapy in Ontario, contact us today to schedule a consultation. Our compassionate team is dedicated to helping you build healthier relationships, manage stress effectively, and create a more fulfilling life.

[bootsukki]

warnings: angst and fluff ig, pro!kageyama and singer!fem!reader

masterlist

twitter was blowing up with videos of (y/n)'s concert the night before. the moment had been completely unexpected for many— she was singing "in bloom", a sweet, quiet ballad about finding a home in someone's arms, a song she had always presented with a sweet smile and blushy cheeks, her usual "wrote this for a sweet blue-eyed boy" completely missing and instead, as she hit the chorus of the sond, her voice cracked, eyes filling with tears that she couldn't hold back. the fans, confused, caught every moment on camera, and speculation ran online about what it all meant.

hundreds of thousands of tweets about the moment that brought more tweets about the current situation in (y/n)'s and kageyama's life.

@PopBase: Fans catch worldwide known Japanese star, (Y/N), breaking down during her song "In Bloom" yesterday in Rome, a song wrote about her boyfriend, Japanese volleyball star, Kageyama Tobio. Attached: Video of (Y/N) pausing mid-song, brushing away a tear, and mouthing an apology to the audience.

@DeuxMoi: Rumor has it (Y/N) and volleyball star Kageyama Tobio were spotted leaving couples therapy in Rome recently. Could this be trouble in paradise for this couple? The singer and volleyball were last seen together celebrating their 4-year-anniversary in the Paris Olympics.

Attached: Image of the couple leaving a well-known Italian therapist's office. (Y/N) looks like she's been crying and Kageyama Tobio is trying to hide her from the camera.

reply from @bloomingyn

you are all pieces of shit, she's completely heartbroken and crying and you take a photo? you don't know what's going on in their lives to be posting shit like this, assholes

@kgymssss (y/n) cried while singing "in bloom" last night, and she looked completely heartbroken. can someone please confirm if her and tobio are okay?? :(

the socials of (y/n) were filled with comments of fans trying to get answers and some other people being completely rude towards her and as days streched on, neither her or kageyama said a word which only made everything worse.

the tension between them had been shimmering for months. a rift that started as a small crack and now has grown into a big gap in their relationship that distanced the couple and the dreams of two people who didn't seem to fit together.

kageyama's contract had reently expired, which meant that he had to either, wait for his current team to offer something (which they did) or wait for other teams from the league he was playing in or other leagues to offer him something (which also happened). kageyama loved italy, he had been living in the country for a few years by now and his life while playing in the italian league had improved drastically, while (y/n) had been hoping to go back to japan, closer to her roots, and... start a future together with kageyama. she had even hinted that she wouldn't mind going back to voice acting knowing she had several offers lined up. truth be told, she was really homesick and tired of being on tour for months and months without break for the almost seven years she had been working on music in the us, she had been going on tour for a huge majority of those years, recording songs and more albums in between. she was tired and exhausted of that life. she wanted to take a break from music and focus on other things. it wasn't that he didn't want that, they had even talked about it before, getting married, having kids... but the idea of leaving italy, leaving his volleyball team when he felt himself at the highest level, was something he wasn't completely ready for.

it all came to head one night after another quiet dinner full of unspoken words at kageyama's apartment in rome. as she cleared her plate, he looked up, expression guarded but tense.

"can we talk about it?"

(y/n) sighed, shoulder slumping as she turned to face him. he knew she had been crying a lot recently, she always did it while showering or when she left to rehearse for her shows and even though they didn't have much time together before she was back again moving to other siders of europe to sing, he needed to talk. they needed to talk.

"we've been talking about this, tobi, for months. i feel like we are going on circles."

he looked down, gripping his chopsticks tightly. "i just... i don't see why we have to go back to japan... italy is incredible and i think we would be very happy here. i... i can't just walk away from volleyball. volley is..."

"everything to you." she interrupted, voice soft but full of hurt. "italy is great but... i miss home." she hid her face on her hands, feeling, once again, tears welling up her eyes. "i get that you like living here. believe me, i do. but... what about me? what about what i want? i know japan would be the best place for us to live and there are a lot of opportunities for you there. there are teams waiting for you."

he stood up, walking to get closer to get, frustration on his face. "it's not that simple. i can't just... leave. my career is here and i... i thought you understood that."

"i understand that." she looked up at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "i've always understood, from the moment we started dating. but being together means that we need to do compromises and fight for us."

"i'm trying to compromise" he insisted, voice defensive. "we can still live here, you could move here."

(y/n) shook her head, cleaning the stray tears that were leaving her eyes. "you're asking me to compromise then, to move here and do, what exactly? stay at home all day and do nothing? in japan, i could still work in voice acting. i've always tried to be a part of your life but... w-when do we start building a life together?"

"we are living a life together."

"are we? because with how much i am in the us, recording new songs and going on tour for almost 8 months a year, it feels like we are not even together."

kageyama's jaw clenched but he couldn't seem to find an answer.

(y/n) took a shaky breath. "i want a home, one that is yours and mine. i want to finally settle down and maybe, just maybe, start a family together and... i want that to be in japan, i want to be in japan, closer to my family, closer to the people we love, the place we have both grown up in. i want to get married and have kids and... i would love for my kids to have that, to have a "normal" childhood where they don't have to take planes everytime they can see their dad and that's if they are able to see him because his training is brutal and he spends a lot of time playing matches and focusing on the league. i don't want my kids to be on a tour bus since they are babies, because i want them to go to school and know that they have a place that is completely theirs, a home. a mom and a dad who are present and... i thought you'd want that with me."

"i want that with you, i have told you this before."

"you have told me but you are not willing to go back." she sighed "tobi, you can still play volleyball at home, you have offers."

his silence was answer enough, and she felt a pang of heartbreak. (y/n) turned away, walking towards kageyama's bedroom and closing the door behind her.

the days that followed were filled with uncertainty. they barely spoke, exchanging only the briefest of texts, and each conversation felt like stepping around the edges of something neither of them knew how to fix. the internet wasn't helping and (y/n) couldn't go online without seeing tweets and instagram comments about her relationship status and speculation, heartbreak caught on camera for the world to see and comment on.

after leaving rome and italy, she went to the uk to do some shows and everything seemed to worsen the rift between them. not being together was completely breaking both of their hearts, especially when they were feeling so lost and confused.

kageyama sat alone in his apartment after a full day of meetings and calls, freshly showered and grateful for the three days off he was given. he stared at his phone, thumb hovering over (y/n)'s instagram profile he followed from his personal account only friends and family followed and he opened his browser, looking for a flight to the uk.

when (y/n) walked onto the stage in london the following night, she felt the familiar rush and adrenaline, tinged with nerves she couldn't seem to get rid of since she left italy. performing was usually the one place where she would relax but it had gotten really difficult to do in the past few months, exhausted and sad.

she usually started with one of her most popular songs but, as she moved closer towards the piano where she would sing "in bloom", her throat started to get itchy but she simply smiled like she always did and sat down on the piano.

as she started singing the song, her voice faltered on the second verse, the words hitting too close to home.

so here a am, no longer alone, in the blue of your eyes, i found my home. in you, i bloom, in you, i’m free, you’re my place, my everything.

she closed her eyes for a second, steadying herself before she sang the chorus.

and when she opened her eyes, her gaze moving around the crowd, she saw him. her tobi. her love of big blue eyes. she smiled, seeing him whistle and clap, a soft and small smile on his face, eyes focused only on her. her heart skipped a beat and she stumbled over her next words, quickly catching herself as she finished the song.

the crowd roared with applauses and cheers as the song ended, but (y/n) was completely focused on him as the band continued playing the next song.

the concert finished quite quickly and she waved at all the people, bowing to show her respect and smiling brightly, slipping backstage, where she was bombarded by her team, taking out her microphone, giving her water and taking out pins from her hair.

thanking them, she turned the corner towards her dressing room and she stopped in her tracks, seeing him leaning against the wall, hands on his pockets and a neutral expression on his face.

"tobi", she breathed.

he straightened up, expression softening when he saw her. "hi"

for a moment, neither of them spoke. he looked exhausted, and she could feel herself getting tired as well. finally, she broke the silence.

"what... what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

“i needed to see you,” he said, his tone raw. “i know things have been… hard. and I’m sorry.”

she looked away, her shoulders sagging as she let out a sigh. “tobi, we’ve been over this. i-”

he took a step closer, his gaze unwavering. “i want you. i have always wanted you and i know that i've been selfish and stupid and... god, these past months have been incredibly hard on both of us. i don't want you to feel like you don't matter or that you are less important than my career because that is not true."

she looked up at him, her eyes searching his. “what are you saying?”

he took a deep breath, his hand reaching out to take hers. “i've... i've talked with my lawyers and team these past days and... i think there is a really good team in japan who made a really good offer for me. i've discussed all the terms and it seems like a great opportunity for us. i want everything with you and i also want our future kids to grow with parents who are there for them and... i want to get married and start a life with you, forever."

tears prickled at her eyes, a mixture of both relief and disbelief flodding her heart. "are you saying you'd be willing to go back to japan?"

"no baby, i'm saying that we're are going to japan. i am not going to think about it and accept the offer." he nodded, squeezing her hand gently. "i'm ready to go back home with you, find a perfect home, start a family... if that's what you want. i promise that is what i want. i want us to be together at all times and not have to talk through facetime and think about time zones and taking planes everytime we want to spend a few days together."

she let out a shaky laugh, a tear slipping down her cheek that he cleaned with his thumb. "that's all i've ever wanted, tobi."

he cleaned some other tears, his eyes softening as he looked at her. "nothing matters if i lose you."

she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close as he held her tightly, spinning her around, and for the first time in months, the weight on her chest seemed to lift. she felt his hand gently stroking her hair, his quiet promise echoing in her mind.

“are you… really ready for this?” she asked, her voice muffled against his shoulder.

he pulled back, looking into her eyes with a rare vulnerability. “more than anything.”

kageyama closed the gap between them, a deep and long kiss shared between the lovers as they swayed in the middle of the hallway, holding each other as the noise of the crowd faded into the background.

it wouldn't be easy, she still needed to finish tour and do all the paperwork it required to leave all the stages, music and sign new volleyball contracts behind and prepare for the big move but, with his arms around her, she knew that they were ready to face whatever came next, finally, together.

[slutterhaus]

AN: Clive has made tough times bareable so I wanted to make something cute rather than my regular nsfw content. Thank you @fallendev0tionvn for giving us the perfect bbygirl malewife to love 💕 definitely check out the demo for Fallen Devotion!!

CWs: None except maybe the mention of developing a small obsession with Clive. No beta, we die like barbarians

Other: Second Person POV, GN!Reader, Fluff, Established Relationship, Clive may be a little ooc I'm so sorry. Under read more because it's more than 100 words.

Word Count: 830

Music played through the small speaker located in the kitchen, joined by the sound of something being fried on the stove. You were peacefully making dinner, focused on whisking some eggs to add to the rice bowl recipe you found online. A smile played on your face as Clive’s reflection appeared in the cabinet’s window when you closed it. “Hey.” You greeted. “I know you don’t like anyone in the kitchen with you when you’re cooking.” He began, a playful look on his face as he held his hands up in defense. The dimples you adored were on full display, and while you both knew you couldn’t be mad at him, you decided to feign annoyance and cross your arms, quirking a brow as you tried your best to keep a straight face. “It just smells so good.” He said, emphasizing his statement by letting himself lean to the side as if he were about to faint, letting his arms dangle and closing his eyes.

You couldn’t help but snort at the scene when you turned around. “Alright, alright, sit down. If you were feeling lonely, you could’ve just asked, y’know.” With a victorious smile, he happily sat at the kitchen island that gave him the perfect view of you as you moved around.

You were 22 when Clive came back into your life, and if you were attached to the hip before, you were even more inseparable seven years later. Sometimes you thought therapy was in order, but you already lost Clive once, always wanting to be with him was rightfully justified in your mind. He didn’t seem to mind either, playfully teasing you about looking like a baby koala with the way you stuck with him.

Oh, who were the two of you kidding? Clive had rubbed off on you, and while you knew any type of obsession was unhealthy, you didn’t care at this point. You were happy, in a loving relationship with literally your best friend, and it’s all that mattered to you. All that mattered was that gorgeous smile beaming with appreciation as you set down the bowl of food in front of him, the way you could talk about everything and nothing, and how sweet he was with helping around the house like doing the dishes after dinner.

Though there was always something you wanted from him, something that made you a little nervous. And as he finished with the last dish, you took a deep breath. “Mi vida…” You called, shifting your weight from one foot to another.

“Mm?”

“Would you… give me my first tattoo?”

The question seemed to catch him off-guard, his shoulders tensing slightly before relaxing as he turned around. ‘You…. You sure?” He asked. While he showed some hesitancy, he seemed to be holding back his excitement. You had gifted him a Sol Nova Unlimited, and he went through the fake skins like they were napkins cleaning up a spill, so he was dying to show you just what he could do. "Now?"

"Do you have the stuff at hand? We don't even have a design." You giggled.

Clive paused for a moment before answering. "Oops."

The two of you shared a fit of laughs, landing on the couch as Clive went into his silent fit. The fact that he was struggling so much to get back his composure sent you even further into giggles, sides burning as you buried yourself under his arm to try and calm yourself. The moment was fairly quick, but it was something you were going to cherish forever. You didn't want to live another day without Clive, not when you were left breathless after something so silly. "Tomorrow, then." You said in bewteen soft gasps for air. "Make a list and we'll go get everything in the morning."

It took everything in you not to burst out laughing again with how giddy he looked, a toothy grin on his face as he jumped up from the couch and went to get his tablet.

"What'd you have in mind?" He called from the bedroom. You pulled out your phone as he entered the living room again, tablet in hand while you pulled up your inspiration pics. "You have total creative freedom to make changes, but I was thinking something like this." You said, showing your phone to Clive. He leaned in close, observing the photos with a focused look on his face.

"I got the perfect thing in mind."

A smile crept onto your face as you watched him work, heart swelling with what could only be described as pure love and adoration. Seven years and sometimes you can't believe your sweet boy is back home.

Sure, he looked a bit different, and the scar along his neck brought back painful memories once in a while, but all that mattered was that he was home.

[haartemis]

Sweet Tooth | Rodrygo Goes

pairing: rodrygo goes x fem!reader

word count: 3.1k

A/N: based on this request. so sorry for the delay anon, had some writer's block. i hope you like it <3. let me know what y'all think!!

summary: a text to the wrong number sparks conversation with the mysterious 'baker boy', die hard rodrygo goes fan and fellow dessert enthusiast. as the friendship progresses, an undeniable connections grows between the two of you and you start to wonder about his real identity.

you: hey! those chocolate things you mentioned are called brigadeiros, right? wanna make sure I’ve got the right dessert lol 😅

You attach a link to the recipe you’d found online before shooting a quick text to sofia, your co-worker. earlier that day she’d mentioned trying these little fudgy chocolate truffles when she visited brazil. as someone with the biggest sweet tooth known to man, you’d immediately wanted to try them yourself. so after work, you headed straight to the store, picking up cans of condensed milk,cocoa powder, and sprinkles. now, standing in your kitchen, you’re ready to see if they live up to the hype. but then, a tiny worry popped up in your head: were they brigadeiros, or was it another brazilian dessert she mentioned? To be sure, you decided to double check with sofia.

 you get a response a few minutes later. 

+34 680 123 456: that recipe’s kinda bad. I should know, I’m brazilian. 

you blink. sofia was definitely not brazilian. glancing back at the number, you feel a jolt of realization.

“shit,” you mutter under your breath. you’d sent the message to a complete stranger.

you debate texting back an apology, but before you do, a new message comes through. it’s a detailed recipe. along with the steps, the person’s included specific tips, like their favorite brand of cocoa powder to use and a suggestion to roll the brigadeiros in coconut flakes for an extra touch.

you smile at one of the little notes:

+34 680 123 456: stir until your arm hurts. trust me, it’s worth it :)

you’re touched by this stranger’s kindness. shooting them a quick thank you text, you roll up your sleeves and get to work, following the recipe to a T. An hour or so goes by and you gaze down at the tray of gooey, fudgy treats you've created. when you take a bite out of one them, you close your eyes and actually moan. 

you carefully arrange the brigadeiros on a plate, trying to the best of your ability to make them look as aesthetic as possible before snapping a picture and sending it to the stranger.

you: omg thank you again for the recipe! they turned out to be so good 😍

+34 680 123 456: no problem :) they look really good!

+34 680 123 456: let me know if you have any other queries regarding dessert recipes i'm kind of an expert 😉

you: did i accidentally text a professional baker 👀

+34 680 123 456: haha no. far from it. it's just a hobby. my actual job keeps me busy so baking is a nice distraction

you: i get you, there's nothing like melting chocolate to remind you there's life outside spreadsheets and emails

+34 680 123 456: my job's a bit more physical but yeah, baking is like instant therapy.

you don't respond after that, because what else is there to say to someone who is technically a stranger? letting the conversation go on as long as it did was kind of weird and maybe a little risky, but you're grateful for the recipe, so you don't run to block the number.

instead, you lock your phone and munch on another brigadeiro.

a couple of days later, you're curled up in bed, watching your favorite romcom. when it gets to a scene where the main character indulges in a delicious looking chocolate souffle, you get an idea. bolting out of bed, you head to the kitchen, pulling your cupboards open to check if you have the ingredients needed. you've arranged all of it on your kitchen counter when another thought hits you and you impulsively grab your phone:

you: any tips for making chocolate souffle?

when a few minutes go by and you don't get a reply, you start feeling a twinge of regret. why did you think it was alright to text a stranger at 11 at night? you face palm, cringing at your own actions.

but then, your phone buzzes.

+34 680 123 456: chocolate souffle huh? that's ambitious

you: i'm up for the challenge 😌

a few minutes later, you receive a detailed recipe along with tidbits of helpful tips. it's a couple paragraphs long, and yet again you're hit with gratitude for this stranger's kindness.

you: thank you!!

+34 680 123 456: no worries , fair warning though it might take some patience

you: uh oh. now you have to promise to stay on standby in case of a souffle emergency lol

+34 680 123 456: i'll be here 😊

you can't help but smile down at your phone, feeling an unexpected warmth inside you.

you follow the recipe, and although it isn't as picture perfect as you'd liked it look, it does come out tasting amazing.

you: another success!

+34 680 123 456: no picture this time?

you: it doesn't look that good i have to admit..

+34 680 123 456: i still wanna see! come on, just one pic

you sigh, looking over at your deflated dessert. after a moment's hesitation, you quickly snap a picture and send it over.

+34 680 123 456: hey it's not that bad

+34 680 123 456: also you're really pretty, by the way :)

confused, you zoom in on the picture you'd sent and realize with a jolt that your reflection on the oven's glass is visible. it's not exactly your best angle, but your heart still flutters.

+34 680 123 456: sorry was that weird?

you: maybe a little, but i don't mind.

+34 680 123 456: promise i'm not some old creep. just a regular 23 year old guy who appreciates souffles (and accidental selfies apparently)

you feel a wave of relief at the knowledge he's age appropriate. but now you're curious, so you go and save his number, then open whatsapp.

you do a double take. his profile picture is a photo of rodrygo goes, real madrid's #11, beaming as he holds last season's champions league trophy.

you cringe a little. there’s nothing more off-putting than football fanboys who plaster their favorite players everywhere. you were hoping to get a glimpse of his face, but oh well.

you send him another text, this time on whatsapp:

you: can i get a pic of you? it's only fair

baker boy: you're looking at it

you: no i mean a real picture of you. that's just some footballer

baker boy: hey, that's a future ballon d'or winner, not just 'some footballer' 😌

you roll your eyes, fighting off the ick you're getting from the fanboy vibes.

you: right... but if i wanted a picture of rodrygo, i'd just google him

he doesn't argue with that, and a few moments later you get a picture. your breath catches at the sight of a lifted shirt and a toned, muscled brown torso decorated by a striking tattoo of an eagle. you swallow hard.

you: ok definitely not what i expected 😳

baker boy: you asked, i obliged

you: is there a story behind that eagle?

baker boy: yeah. but if i tell you, you'll have to tell me something about yourself in return

you: fair enough

and just like that, a steady stream of messages start to be exchanged between you two, and the most unlikely friendship of your life begins. what started as baking tips suddenly turns to late night conversations about everything from your favorite movies to bucket list activities. you don't pry much, but he gives you just enough information for you to piece together that he's well travelled, an avid surfer, a huge fan of football, and extremely well off. you start wondering about his job— you think that maybe he's in finance or tech, but that doesn't line up with what he said about having physically demanding work. nonetheless, you find that you enjoy his conversation very, very much. each text feel like peeling back another layer of someone so funny, thoughtful and kind. and more often than not, you find yourself grinning at your phone like an idiot.

one afternoon, you're hanging out at a friend's place, a real madrid match on. just as you look up, rodrygo scores an amazing goal. you immediately go and text him: omg your fav player just scored!!

he doesn't respond for about 3 hours. usually, when he's off work, he's quick to reply, so the delay stings a little.

in the evening, your phone buzzes.

baker boy: did you like it?

baker boy: sorry for the late response, i was at the stadium

you: yeah. it was cool

you: you watched the game at the stadium?

baker boy: you could say that

something tugs at you, a question beginning to form in the back of your mind. but before it can take root, you push it aside.

another week goes by, and you find yourself with a friend seated in the stands of the santiago bernabeu, soaking up the electric energy of the match. it pulls you in completely, the roar of the crowd, the sea of white jerseys. you try and keep track of the ball, but your eyes keep drifting back to one player in particular: rodrygo goes, with his quick darts and beautiful footwork. you get it now, why baker boy is obsessed with him. there's an elegance to the man, something about his game that draws you in completely.

as the final whistle blows and madrid claims victory, you anxiously glance down at your phone to check for any new messages. you'd texted baker boy a picture of the view from your seat, hoping that maybe he'd be here as well. but alas, no response throughout the game.

the players have all retreated into the tunnel and you and your friend are about to start leaving when your phone buzzes.

baker boy: you're here?

you: yup!

a pause, and then:

baker boy: which section?

you quickly type it to him, a nervous feeling growing in your stomach.

baker boy: stay where you are

you gulp. a million anxious questions flood your mind. what if he’s been lying this whole time? what if he’s actually a 50-year-old creep? who even thought it was a good idea to start a friendship over text? what if he’s exactly who he says he is, but there’s no spark in real life?

no, this was a bad idea. a really, really bad idea. panic rising, you grab your friend by the sleeve and practically drag her to the exit. you don't let out the breath you were holding until you're in her car zooming away, watching the stadium fade in the rearview mirror. a part of you feels guilty, but another part, the part that's responsible for self preservation feels that it's the right decision.

baker boy: i can't find you. where are you?

baker boy: did you leave?

baker boy: hello??

you don't respond to any of the messages.

"remember the girl i introduced to you last week?" sofia asks brightly, leaning over the divider between your desks.

"huh?" you pull your tired eyes away from your computer screen to look at your cubicle neighbor.

"thaynara! i brought her to happy hour on thursday?" she tries to jog your memory.

ah,yes. thaynara was a pretty, bubbly brazilian that you'd gotten along with. you'd even swapped numbers.

you nod. and sofia continues, "her cousin is having a small get together tonight at his house. she said you should come."

"sure" you mutter. " why not?"

it's been a week since you last spoke to baker boy, the day you bolted from the stadium to avoid meeting him. since then, his messages have sat unanswered, and each time you open the chat, a wave of guilt washes over you. you tell yourself it's the right call, that forming and keeping a friendship with a complete stranger over text is at best idiotic, and at worst, dangerous. no matter how much it felt like he was a normal, genuine guy who occasionally made your heart flutter, it just wasn't worth it.

sofia's invitation seems like a nice distraction though, so after work, you quickly head over to your place for an outfit change before grabbing a ride from sofia to head to thaynara's cousin's place.

as you enter the gated community and pull into a long, tree lined driveway, you can't help but ask the question at the tip of your tongue: "thaynara's rich?" you blurt.

"her cousin's rich" sofia corrects with a small smile.

"right.." you mutter, admiring the beautiful villa in front of you. "what does she do?"

"it's a he" sofia softly chuckles as she parks the car. "and you'll see"

you shoot her a quizzical look, but before you can ask any more questions, she's already out the car and leading the way. you quickly follow.

you catch up just as she rings the bell, and a moment later thaynara opens the door. she greets you both enthusiastically, pulling you inside the house.

soon the three of you are sitting in the spacious living room, chatting with the rest of the guests. you quickly pick up on the effortless closeness between all of them and you're not shocked when you find out they're all childhood friends who grew up in the outskirts of sao paulo.

“where’s—“ sofia begins to ask, glancing around curiously.

“he’s upstairs taking a nap” thaynara says. “I swear he’s like a koala bear, every day after training he has to go sleep”

you smile to yourself, thinking about baker boy and his insistence that daily naps were a non-negotiable part of his day.

“don’t listen to her” you hear a deep, groggy voice interject.

you look up, and your eyes immediately widen. at the top of the stairs stands rodrygo goes, clad in sweatpants and a cozy looking hoodie. his eyes are slightly bloodshot, a tell tale sign he's just woken up. he walks down the stairs delicately, body obviously worn out.

"sorry guys" he grimaces as he limps over. "tough training today"

he sinks onto the couch next to thaynara with a sigh. he still hasn't noticed you.

"rodry" she nudges him. " this is sofia's friend, y/n. i told you she was coming"

his eyes snap up. now he sees you.

he pauses for a moment too long, eyes fixed on you. he visibly stiffens, and you see a hint of something on his face, maybe shock. was he...blushing?

you're about to open your mouth to ease the awkwardness when he finally responds quietly: " it's nice to meet you, y/n. i'm rodrygo."

you offer a polite smile, but inside you're trying to decipher his reaction. "nice to meet you,too"

the evening goes on. there's more chatter and laughter, and you're swallowed in conversation with the friendly brazilians. the tv hums in the background, drawing a couple people in with a basketball game. meanwhile, another group has started a game of monopoly. you enjoy the casual atmosphere, swept up in stories and jokes in portuguese and english.

except there's rodrygo. he doesn't make any effort to start a conversation with you after your initial greeting. he stays across the room, laughing and mingling with everyone but you. you would think he absolutely hates your guts, except you catch him glancing at you from the corder of your eye once or twice. you tell yourself not to dwell on it too much, but there's something about him. something that makes you feel like there's tension simmering beneath the surface.

you’re pouring a drink in the kitchen when you sense someone behind you. you turn, and there he is, leaning casually against the doorway, his eyes finally meeting yours.

“hey,” he says softly, a hesitant smile playing on his lips. “you enjoying yourself?”

“yeah” you reply, trying to match his casual tone. “it’s been nice. everyone’s been really welcoming.”

he nods, looking down as if gathering his thoughts. “i didn’t expect you here tonight,” he admits, meeting your gaze again. there’s something vulnerable in his eyes.

your face falls. "oh, i'm sorry. i didn't - thaynara said you were fine with having me over. i- "

his eyes widen in return, and he raises his hands in defense. "no, no, no. that's not what i meant. i-" he searches for something in your face, then seemingly gives up. "never mind"

you stare at the floor. you feel so embarrassed. you shouldn't have come at all.

"um" he swallows. "gabriel asked me to grab him a glass of water"

you don't know why he feels the need to explain his presence in his own kitchen but you nod. you watch as he reaches the highest cupboard. as he does, the bottom his hoodie lifts just a bit, revealing a sliver of tanned, toned stomach. and there, unmistakable, is the eagle tattoo. your breath catches, eyes widening.

it's him.

realization hits you like a speeding freight train. you feel your cheeks heat up, and you slap your hands over your face, peeking through your fingers to look at rodrygo's now smirking face.

"i feel like an idiot" you murmur, before bursting in to laughter. "you're.. you're baker boy"

"took you long enough" rodrygo chuckles along with you.

his fingers are warm against yours as he gently pulls your hands away from your face. his touch lasts longer than necessary, but when he lets go, you find he's looking at you with an amused yet nervous look.

"i thought i'd never get to talk to you again" he says, voice low.

you stare at the ground guiltily. "i'm sorry. i just- i thought it was getting weird, being that devoted to a friendship with a stranger"

he nods. "no, i get it. thank god you somehow made it to my house, huh?"

"yeah." you say quietly. "thank god"

a beat of silence ensues.

"so, uh, how about we take things offline" he fiddles with the bottom of his sleeve nervously. you find extremely it cute. " there's this brazilian restaurant. they have a new dessert on their menu i want to try. do you want to go?"

a warm smile spreads across your face as you nod, unable to hide the excitement bubbling up inside. “i’d like that,” you say softly.

his eyes light up, and his nervous fidgeting gives way to a confident grin. “great. I’ll send you the details then”

you head back together and continue to mingle with friends. he steals glances at you, and you flush each time. now, there's a spark between you two. something familiar, yet new. you can't help but feel like this is a fresh start. the beginning of something great.

[damagedcoda6669]

how did youknow youbhad bpd? what were the main "symptoms" ?? soryif it comes off as personal or uncomfy you dont hsveto answer

(im rlly rlly rlly autistic abt bpd PREPARE 4 AN ENTIRE BIBLE ABT HOW I DISCOVERED I HAD IT)

ive exhibited symptoms of bpd my entire life (it usually starts 2 present in childhood or early adulthood, it comes from childhood abuse/neglect) i only started 2 notice something was wrong in my tweens/early teens, when malachi became my favorite person and every1 was calling me mentally ill and weird and obsessive. ive known my entire life i was neurodivergent (first started therapy at 6 or 7, diagnosed with bipolar + autism + adhd + depression + anxiety RLLY early on) but there was something else that felt wrong 2 me. at that age i didnt rlly know what 2 search 4 or who 2 talk 2, so i just went on google and searched "love disorders" and obsessive love disorder came up (which isnt even in the DSM iirc) and i posted on google plus saying i likely had that and was shot down IMMEDIATELY 4 "self diagnosing" so i didnt revisit it again until a few years later.

after my breakup in 2021 i felt like it hurt WAY MORE than was normal. i stumbled across a video abt bpd during that time period and it resonated with me way 2 much. im impulsive, i have angry outbursts, im constantly suicidal, i self harm, i have extreme mood swings, i dont know who i am and ive always just mirrored other ppl, i dissociate, i have black and white thinking, i view ppl as all good or all bad and i split, i have consistently unstable relationships, i get attached 2 ppl more than i should be, and i have a paralyzing, nauseating fear of abandonment. i have every symptom in the diagnostic criteria.

i brought up the possibility of me having bpd with my mom i think (i had no one else 2 go 2 becuz all of my friends abandoned me and my parents took away my internet access) and i was shot down again, with my mom saying the CLASSIC "(insert family member) has bpd and shes crazy. ur normal. stop pretending theres something wrong with u. if u had bpd u'd be vindictive and petty and evil. do u think ur those things?"

once i figured out how 2 get my internet access back, maryland dude forced the bpd label on2 me becuz he wanted 2 explain my "abusive" behaviors (he was abusing me but tried 2 gaslight me in2 thinking i had a victim complex and that it was the other way around) and i became uncomfortable with the label becuz he made it seem like if i had bpd then i was a bad person. i continued researching the disorder becuz it still resonated with me even though i was now insecure abt it.

i became comfortable with the label again after he abandoned me, and i brought it up with my therapist. my therapist would HEAVILY DENY that i had bpd, telling me that "if u had bpd u would be attempting suicide 4 attention" "u fit the diagnostic criteria but ur autistic so all of ur symptoms can just be attributed 2 autism srry" "ive had clients with bpd and if u were like them u wouldve had an outburst in my office and be yelling at me by now" and she would even smile at me whenever i brought up my bpd becuz she thought it was funny that i thought i had it, i think. the first time i brought it up with her she told me "its rlly irresponsible 2 self diagnose after reading liek two articles online abt some extreme disorder becuz u think ur broken. ur not broken. dont self diagnose with bpd" and i had to EXPLAIN 2 HER that i wasnt self diagnosing and that id researched it in depth 4 years actually and that she was making assumptions. horribly ableist towards ppl with cluster b disorders, this is a MASSIVE RED FLAG but i didnt switch therapists becuz i was still living with my parents at this point and i felt out of control in every aspect of my life 4 this reason, i didnt even see switching therapists as an option.

then in 2023, while i was homeless, i got evaulated by a psychiatrist. i discussed my bpd with him and finally got diagnosed. i told my therapist i was diagnosed with bpd and she said something like "well im not always gonna be able 2 catch everything" BUT I WAS TELLING U ABT MY BPD 4 MONTHS!!!!! so glad i dont have that therapist anymore but now i dont have one at all, so liek.. hrmmm >:c

im gonna end this by saying.. self diagnosis is valid!!! its so hard 2 get a bpd diagnosis becuz its so demonized and stigmatized, that even those in the mental health system r ableist towards the disorder and those who have it. diagnosis is not always an option with disorders like bpd, and thats so frustrating. its so hard 2 find help becuz every1 thinks ur crazy. but ur not crazy!!! i love all my fellow bpders, i know how agonizing and it is 2 live this tormented life. if u suspect u have bpd, the bpd community welcomes u and supports u!!! and i do 2 :3

[beemovieerotica]

warning for talking about OCD related paranoia, please don't feel pressured to respond to or even read this if that might bother you.

I just rly want an opinion on this from someone else who has ocd, and I literally dont know anyone who might understand and wouldn't treat me like I'm crazy. The new administration has affected my ocd so badly. I'm so stressed every day about the possibility of any information that I've put online, publically or "privately," over the course of my whole life being dug up and used to incriminate me somehow. Such as anything expressing views the administration disagrees with. Which has been a worry of mine for a while but it has ramped up with all that's going on recently. And the thing is I know that that's not entirely outside of the realm of possibility, but I dont know how likely it is. I dont know where reasonable concern starts and ocd begins. And I get like literally paralyzed with stress over this. Have you experienced anything like this and if so what did you do about it? Thank you if you read this.

yes 100%, I think a lot of fear of what's going on can be compounded by OCD beyond what is helpful to protect one's self.

I'm not going to provide reassurances here because that's one of the big no-no's of talking to someone with OCD: it turns into a cycle of us seeking reassurance from others in a way that can escalate our behavior and place an undue burden on others. And it ultimately doesn't work.

on my own end, I need to put hard limits on how much reading the news I do, otherwise it can literally go on for hours as I keep searching out tiny bits of new information that will supposedly help calm me down. but the relief doesn't ever happen. I just get mentally fatigued and shut down, and that's not the same thing as relief. at a certain point I have to just do a hard pivot. completely change scenery, change tasks, do something new to get my brain off that path.

I think limiting fear spirals related to current events would be the first step in reducing overall anxiety, since that goes hand in hand with upticks in OCD behavior.

I've been able to exposure-therapy myself slowly on this blog, but I can't say that will work with everyone. I show my face, people know my first name, etc - it's something I'm able to afford to do as an adult and it's helped me overcome some of the fears of ever being known, and of having my political stances be connected to me.

there are other more tangible ways to dip into free and open expression - consider writing a letter to a public official, getting out and supporting queer events in-person, or even just dropping a $10 donation for a cause - something that puts you in a community or attaches your name to a community that needs help, little by little.

I think there may be a pivot point where that fear can be channeled into action, like a "fuck it, I'm doing this" attitude. and you can feel *good* defying your OCD when it comes with that realization of, "hey, I like these people. I like being in this space." some of the wildest things I ever did in my life were a "fuck you" to OCD, powering through the warning sirens in my head and I ended up with experiences and friends I never thought I'd ever have. I think this is one of those times where really crucial communities are being born out of this intense hardship and stress, and we all need each other. OCD thrives in isolation, and you've gotta have a support network to help you live your best life despite it.

[system-of-a-feather]

So what's up with the Feathers anyways?

Hey all, I just wanted to make a formal post that I can attach to my pinned post explaining a few things that we - as a collective and system - are doing lately as part of our recovery since it's something I know might be weird in the standard CDD / system experiences found online.

For those that don't know, we are a diagnosed DID system that has fully fused (we personally dislike Final Fusion as a term the word "Final" implies stuff that doesn't suit us nor do we like the idea of any sort of finality). This just means that probably about 90% of the time, we operate as a fused whole of all parts of our system that we call Feathers, Fei, [irl name], or "the collective" depending on the setting and/or what flows better in text / conversation. This fused whole / collective is what you probably close to what you think of when you think of final fusion and us operating as a "singlet".

The remaining 10% or so are times when we actively choose to operate as individual parts / a specific part separate from the collective; most often this is either to 1) enjoy something in a specific way that a specific part does 2) explore a concept, topic, situation, interaction, event, etc from a specific lens or a diversity of lenses and engage in discourse with ourselves because we find that fun and 3) to assist in trauma processing. (See FAQ 1 below)

And so we've spent the past year? two? three? in a state of functional multiplicity then this weird hybrid of alternating between functional multiplicity and fully fused, and then almost a year of being a fused whole most of our time. We've become extremely resilient and very stable and most of our trauma processing and therapy goals have been explicitly about self improvement and reclaiming the last tight knots of trauma that we still struggle with. We have gained a shit ton of coping skills, self sufficiency, and honestly most of our days are a 8/10 if not better.

That said, even though we are fully fused, that doesn't mean we are perfectly integrated. While we have very very low dissociation / dissociative symptoms and access to all parts of ourselves without experiencing much dissociation, not all parts of ourselves has been fully processed and not all of our parts have found their niche in our fused whole. This also makes it so those parts are MUCH more prone to both being interested in and actively presenting as independent parts from the collective. (See FAQ 2 below)

Historically, our system that is polyfragmented has had one half / side of our overall system that has explicitly refused to engage with life which we respect through our recovery. (No I will not explain any questions on that being unhealthy, its not your place to judge.) We actually managed to reach full fusion without interacting much with those parts beyond through a liason (ie Lin). Because those part had a minimal role in our recovery and development of a fused self, those parts are unevenly integrated and repressented in our fused whole.

Thus, while Feathers / the collective is a fused whole of our entire system, Feathers / the collective is EXTREMELY biased in favor of the "main system" that has been running this blog since like 2018. By all means this is absolutely a sustainable place for us to be in; however, as we've been working in EMDR we've been hitting stuck points rooted in parts in the other side of the system that are harder to navigate and challenge because those parts are not as well integrated as the other parts and thus are less open to discussion and are more rigid. Those parts still operate more as explicit ANPs and EPs (think primary stuctural dissociation) when approached about trauma associated with those parts and it's been a challenge.

Adding on that those parts have been made more aware more often of life continuing forward, we've actually heard expressed interest in potentially "trying again" and exploring themselves as parts, which is an AMAZING win and step for our system. Those parts struggle a lot more than parts of the main system and have much less positive experiences than even some of the "most traumatized" parts in the main system, so even the most ANP part we consider to need a lot of trauma sensitive support.

Lin, who has worked with these parts the longest, has his Method of Doing Things with Heavily Traumatized Children in our system and a lot of that starts with letting those traumatized parts explore the world a their own pace and get used to being Not Triggered AND present and after thinking about it we decided the best way to let those parts explore themselves, explore their world, explore themselves in relation to other versions of themselves, would be to allow that whole side system to do EVERYTHING our side did, but in their own way.

And so we are doing what we jokingly call DID NG+ or DID Season 2, where we are letting all those parts - whenever prominent or present - express and engage in the world as themselves, independent of the collective but not without the collective there. (See FAQ 3 below)

And so our system is fully fused, frequently operates as a fused whole still about 85-90% of our day, AND has a bunch of parts showing up and posting on this blog as independent selves / parts because online spaces is their first place to explore and adjust to existing once again.

Our main system / overall collective honestly doesn't have too much to say on this blog much anymore because plurality and DID just isn't that interesting, relevant, or something we really experience too much anymore; however some of our parts are going to be exploring the DID experience somewhat again and a lot of those parts have a more genuine and personal interest in the topic as it is relevant to them.

Thus, for the most part, we are kind of passing the torch of DID related topics and discussion to those parts. Feathers and the collective and all those parts that have run this blog are 100% here, but its very likely the amount of DID/plurality related posts we make as a collective will likely be SWAMPED out by the more-motivated to talk about DID stuff side system. (See FAQ 4)

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FAQs beneath the cut.

FAQ 1: Wait so are you intentionally dissociating? Isn't that harmful? Aren't you just splitting? Do you switch? Are you really at final fusion / fully fused if you still identify as individual parts?

No. No. No. No. Yes.

No #1. Firstly, this is something we actually practice as something adjacent to our Buddhist exploration and our active practices with mindfulness and meditation and it is partially a meditation on ourselves, a practice of observation of our raw and innate self, and a practice of non-attachment to the concept and sense of self. As a result, our experience of selves come from a method of mindfulness and meditation; as a result we have some of the LEAST amount of dissociative symptoms when we do this and actually function with a lot more awareness of + connection to ourselves and surroundings. It is explicitly the opposite of dissociation in experience and I would know, because I used to chronically dissociate.

No #2, 3, 4. It is not splitting or harmful because there is literally no dissociation. (We heavily disagree that identifying different parts of yourself is inherently dissociative and find that claim to be very White / Western centric and culturally insensitive + blind to systemic white bias in research + clinical spaces) We can choose to divide ourselves, but no part is ever actually separate from the whole / collective beyond self expression and internal representation. Also no, we don't switch nor do we ever feel inclinded to use that word anymore because it really doesn't express our experiences anywhere near accurately. We present, we appear, we show up, we MIGHT consider using the word "front" but at no part does any part ever leave anymore, so switching and implying that places have changed just doesn't make sense. At most a part fades into the background, but that is less them being "gone" or "not front" and more of them just not being prominent, much like water receding from the shore isn't "gone".

Yes #5. Because our base line is fused and every part is actually connected 24/7 and present 24/7, so yes.

FAQ #2: Okay but are you REALLY fused with that side system if you didn't interact with them much? Okay but do THOSE parts have dissociation / switch / everything in FAQ #1?

To the first, yes; to the second, no. I really can't elaborate more in a way that I think isn't a waste of words. All I can say is "you are allowed to be skeptical, but I know myself and my experiences and I think its very weird for that to be questioned"

FAQ #3: So how does this look irl?

We appear and act as a fused whole most of the day, most of the time, and basically in all spaces that are not theraputic or just us on our own. This is likely going to change over time because all the parts from those side are very adverse to being around people irl, so as that likely changes for the better, so will this presentation probably. We aren't too sure exactly how it'll present then, but we are pretty excited to find out. Most of this happens in our own head and in private spaces; online spaces are just the spaces where we practice moving it beyond just our private spaces as it's the next step for parts that are ready.

FAQ #4: So is Feathers / the Collective an alter?

Uhhh.... not really but also kind of? We honestly don't really... identify, like Feathers / the Collective isn't really a person or thing; it's a concept. We don't really consider ourselves a person or a part or an alter in any solid way because we're not really this tangible thing. We just kind of Are. Feathers is just Feathers.

That said, when we do operate with these parts who are exploring themselves in something of a traditional DID process, we kind of operate with them something like an alter / part. I wouldn't say its exactly the same as they still have a very strong and clear connection and access to Feathers / the collective, but we largely do still maintain our mostly fused whole while those parts operate independently and use that lens to mostly observe and every so often assist / debrief about things going on with those parts. We are more so a mentor than anything else? Those parts also aren't seperate from Feathers / the collective literally ever so.... *shrugs*

Honestly, I can't really say a firm "yes or no" to this because I think its really just depends on a lot of a philosophy of "self" and what concepts and philosophies you subscribe to. So I guess my answer is "do you think they are?" cause really, I think either answer could be right and I don't really care too much to label it one or the other.