#one who had to learn to be tough as a defense mechanism

[darlinluxx]

— 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐂𝐈𝐎 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐎𝐏𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐄!𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 ౨ৎ

↳ pairing : natalie scatorccio x feminine!fem!reader

fluff

warnings : alcohol, smoking, reader is a cheerleader, mentions of bad home life

a/n : i’m such a sucker for the opposites attract trope 😭

- Nat has a tough exterior, but a big heart.

-Nat appears as cynical and hardened, but you know there’s a well of loyalty and vulnerability underneath. it takes a lot of patience (and maybe a few beers) to crack the surface

- she bristles at being told what to do or how to feel. gift her a beautifully planned, romantic day? she’s suspicious. take her to a shitty bar late at night? she’s putty in your hands

- Nat notices everything, even when she seems completely checked out. she remembers small details you’ve mentioned in passing and brings them up weeks later

- she’s fiercely loyal to those she cares about. if anyone even looks at you wrong, Nat’s ready to fight someone

- everyone, especially your friends, was surprised when you started dating Nat. you’re so different, it shouldn’t work but it does

- dinner reservations? your domain. impromptu road trip to a questionable music festival? that’s Nat’s idea. compromise is key

- you help ground Nat and bring some stability to her chaotic world. she pushes you outside of your comfort zone and shows you a different side of life

- let’s just say Nat isn’t the best at expressing her feelings. you’ve learned to read between the lines, but sometimes it’s exhausting

- she is a softie when it comes to you, she would never admit it, but she would do anything for you

- you met Nat at a party you were throwing. she looked completely out of place, like a stray cat at a dog show

- you were drawn to her immediately. everyone else was bubbly and full of energy, and she was the exact opposite. that’s what drew you in. plus, that little smirk she wore was incredibly intriguing

- you offered her a drink, a beer you stole from your older sibling’s stash. she raised an eyebrow, took it, and downed half of it in one go. you were hooked

- you’re all about pastel colors, perfect nails, perfect makeup and hair, and cheerleading practice. Nat wears ripped jeans, leather jackets, and spent her afternoons skipping class to hang out behind the school smoking cigarettes

- your friends did not understand. “why her?” they’d ask, with a mix of genuine curiosity and thinly veiled judgment. you just shrugged. you couldn’t explain it

- you were one of the few people who saw past Nat’s tough exterior. you knew she’s incredibly intelligent, fiercely loyal, and surprisingly sensitive

- you learn that her sarcasm was often a defense mechanism, a way to keep people at arm’s length. you worked to earn her trust, brick by brick

- it wasn’t always easy. there were walls, secrets, and unpredictable mood swings. but the glimpse of vulnerability you caught made it all worthwhile

- small gestures were huge with Nat. she wasn’t big on grand romantic declarations, but she leaves you mixtapes with your favorite songs on it, or silently hold your hand when you’re feeling down

- she probably writes you poetry, but it’s all hidden in a dusty old notebook

- like i said, she’s soo protective. guys who try to flirt with you suddenly found themselves on the receiving end of Nat’s icy glare and a string of creatively crafted insults

- she gets you your favorite flowers

- public displays of affection are rare, but when they happened, they were electric. a stolen kiss in a crowded hallway of your school, her hand grazing your back as you walked by

- you know about Nat’s turbulent home life—the absent parents, the general instability. you know she had to be so independent because she has no one else

- you’re a safe place for her. a place where she doesn’t have to be tough, where she can let her guard down, even just for a little bit. your parents occasionally take her in for the night, offering her a hot meal and a warm bed

- you know you can’t fix her problems. but you can be there for her, to listen, to support her, and to remind her that she isn’t alone

- Nat secretly loves watching you practice for cheer. she tells you to pick a sport that was less girly. you think it was funny that she was acting annoyed

- you know she’s good at soccer, amazing even. she’s quiet about it, but she has that look of determination and a competitive drive she tries to hide

- you go to every one of her games, cheering her on from the sidelines. omg wearing her jersey……….

- she pretended to be annoyed when she first saw you wearing her jersey, but you caught her smiling

[shinidamachu]

the importance of "I'll protect you with my life"

For @inukag-week's sacrifice prompt, I thought I'd expand on a topic I have only mentioned before: the "I'll protect you with my life" line and why it matters even more than we give it credit for.

The thing about Inuyasha's character is that he was build — both physically and psychologically — to survive.

Physically, the fact that his own blood can be weaponized into a powerful attack backs up that assumption.

And so does the fact that one of his defining traits is having a defense mechanism that kicks in whenever he's on the verge of certain death with the sole purpose of keeping him alive.

Psychologically, his tough childhood shaped his survival instincts into a reliable and sharpened sense. And this next part is more of a conjecture than anything else, but I believe Izayoi's death plays a huge role here.

It can be assumed that she gave up a lot in order to live her love story and her life choices ultimately resulted in an early death. Inuyasha, being the child born from that love, has no better way of honoring her memory than living. First, for her. Then, to spite those who were against his very existence.

And this — conscious or not — need to live, is deeply intertwined with his desire to belong. Fitting in is the safest way to survive and, at first, he tried to achieve that by becoming a powerful demon.

Then, he went the opposite direction and agreed to turn into human, which only cements that his true wish wasn't to simply become one or the other at all, but to be accepted, so he could live.

That's why he doesn't take threats to his life laying down, especially when unearned. It may not look like, given his reckless way of dealing with things, but in a crooked way, Inuyasha actually values his life.

So much, in fact, that putting other people's lives above his own was a foreign concept that he struggled with at the beginning and had to learn in order to wield Tessaiga.

When Kagome tells Inuyasha she will help him with the sword under the condition he promises to protect her, she obviously never meant that said protection should cost of his life.

She wouldn't dream of it because she knows she's not entitled to it. He doesn't owe her anything. Although, one could make a point that he kind of does.

Kagome is literally the reason he is alive. Through their journey, is a recurring theme that her voice would bring him back from death's grasp every time. She's constantly saving his life. In more ways than one.

And despite Inuyasha's immediate reaction to her request being to mock her and making it clear that he never said he would protect her forever, he was the one to willingly and unpromtly add the "with my life" bit.

Even though protecting Kagome with his life was precisely what he had been doing the entire time — in spite of spending a good chunk of the series thinking his life wasn't his to give away —, to say it out loud makes for an amazing paralel and it shows how much they've grown, both as characters and as a couple.

But more than that: it shows a whole new level of devotion. For the first time ever, Inuyasha is chosing to promise his life to someone for no other reason than the fact that he loves her.

And despite talking about a lifelong commitment, I can't remember a single stance of the story where Inuyasha had acted more free.

No wonder the scene can be interpreted as a proposal.

[buckysouvenir]

a war of secrets, chapter 2: the soldier and the spy 1940s bucky barnes x y/n In the chaos of World War II, Y/N thought she had left her past behind—until a cocky, charming sergeant named Bucky Barnes shattered the walls she built. As their missions grow more dangerous, so do the feelings neither of them can admit. But secrets have a way of surfacing, and when Y/N’s past threatens to destroy the fragile peace she’s found, Bucky refuses to let her fight alone. last chapter | a war of secrets masterlist | next chapter

The days grew colder as the war pressed on. Y/N felt it in her bones—the tension curling around the edges of every conversation, every mission. Yet, somehow, the Howling Commandos still found time to laugh. And more often than not, Bucky Barnes was the reason why.

He had a way of cutting through the darkness, his easy smile disarming even the most battle-hardened soldiers. Y/N told herself that’s all it was—a coping mechanism. But when his laughter softened into something quieter, something just for her, she found it harder to keep her guard up.

It started with stolen glances across the briefing room. Then came the teasing comments delivered in his low, smooth drawl. And before she realized it, Bucky Barnes had become a complication she hadn’t planned for.

“You always work this late?” His voice cut through the stillness of the supply tent.

Y/N didn’t bother looking up. She was seated at a makeshift desk, decoding the latest message intercepted from HYDRA. “Someone has to keep you boys alive.”

Bucky chuckled, stepping inside and letting the tent flap fall behind him. The lamp on her desk cast a warm glow over his face, softening the sharp lines of his jaw. “And here I thought Steve was the responsible one.”

“You’d be surprised.”

He leaned against the wooden support beam, watching her work. For a man who seemed to revel in attention, there was a stillness to him in these quiet moments—an edge he tried to hide. It intrigued her more than it should.

“You know,” he drawled, “I can’t figure you out.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

Bucky tilted his head. “Mystery’s all part of the charm, huh?”

Y/N finally glanced up, meeting his gaze head-on. “What do you want, Barnes?”

He smiled—lazy and lopsided. “I wanted to see if you ever take a break. Turns out, you don’t.”

She shook her head, suppressing a smile. “I’ll rest when HYDRA’s finished.”

A shadow crossed his face at the mention of their enemy. “They’re not going down easy. We both know that.”

Y/N’s fingers tightened on the edge of the paper. “I know.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The sounds of the camp drifted in from outside—muffled laughter, the distant rumble of trucks moving through the mud. Then Bucky pushed off the beam, stepping closer.

“If anyone can stop them, it’s you,” he said softly.

Y/N wanted to believe him. But years of secrets weighed heavy on her heart. If Bucky knew the truth—the things she’d done—he wouldn’t be so quick to trust her.

“You should get some rest, Sergeant,” she murmured.

To her surprise, he didn’t move. Instead, he leaned down, his face hovering just above hers. “You know,” he said, voice barely above a whisper, “you’re not as tough as you pretend to be.”

Y/N’s heart pounded against her ribs. “And you’re not as charming as you think.”

He laughed under his breath but didn’t pull away. For a split second, she thought he might kiss her.

Instead, he straightened, his expression unreadable. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

And just like that, he was gone.

The mission came two days later.

Intel placed a HYDRA scientist at an outpost deep in the Ardennes forest—a man responsible for developing advanced weaponry. It was supposed to be a simple extraction. But Y/N had learned long ago that nothing about this war was simple.

Bucky and Steve led the assault team. Y/N went in ahead, slipping past the outer defenses under the cover of night. By the time the first explosion lit up the treeline, she was already inside.

She found the scientist easily enough—trembling and wide-eyed as she pressed a knife to his throat. But before she could pull him out, the alarms blared.

HYDRA’s reinforcements arrived faster than expected. Gunfire echoed through the narrow corridors as Y/N dragged the scientist toward the exit.

“Move!” Bucky’s voice cut through the chaos as he rounded the corner, rifle in hand. He spotted her instantly, his expression darkening when he saw the blood staining her sleeve. “You’re hurt.”

“I’m fine,” she snapped, pushing the scientist toward him. “Get him out of here.”

Bucky hesitated for half a second—too long. A HYDRA agent emerged from the shadows, weapon raised. Y/N didn’t think. She moved.

The bullet meant for Bucky slammed into her side.

Pain flared white-hot as she collapsed against the wall. She heard Bucky curse, felt his hands on her shoulders as he pulled her upright.

“You idiot,” he growled, his voice rough with worry. “Why’d you do that?”

Y/N’s vision blurred as she managed a weak smile. “Can’t let you steal all the glory, Barnes.”

His jaw clenched, but there was no teasing in his eyes now—only fear. “Stay with me, Y/N. Don’t you dare check out.”

But the darkness was already closing in, and for the first time, she wasn’t sure she could fight it.

#taglist: @pickuptruck01 @addie192 @ronjantz @fan4astic

[obsessedwithceleste]

The Slytherin Boys

As Deadly Sins

Ft. Draco Malfoy, Lorenzo Berkshire, Theodore Nott, and Mattheo Riddle

©️ obsessedwithceleste. all works posted here belong to me and should not be reposted or copied in any way or form.

Draco

Pride (noun) often a quality of extreme arrogance or dangerous overconfidence.

Pride was something that had been drilled into Draco from a young age

Take pride in your blood status

Take pride in your wealth

Take pride in the name Malfoy

And as an only child, Draco was treated as though he were a god among man

When Draco arrived at Hogwarts, his pride was perceived as arrogance by many, and as confidence by others

Not that he cared

He was above it all

In fact, Draco thrived on the attention, the whispers about him only feeding his ego

He had a constant need for validation, to prove that his pride was not misplaced, and to defend the things he was most proud of

Hogwarts was the first place Draco felt as though he was at risk of blending in

While he felt at home in Slytherin

(As if his parents hadn’t groomed him specifically to end up there)

He couldn’t help but begin to see clones of himself among the sea of green robes

While he enjoyed being part of a group for the first time in his life, he realized it also came with the threat of not being the best

Not being the center of attention

His legacy being lost within a sea of other students

Friends came with the risk of being overshadowed

And if there was one thing Draco knew, it’s that the Malfoy name would not be overshadowed

Because he was the best, and he’d be make sure everyone knew it

They were below him

Lorenzo

Envy (noun) a feeling of desire to possess what others have, often leading to resentment.

Envy was not a term most would associate with Lorenzo Berkshire

Many people were envious of him, sure

But what could someone who has it all

The looks, the Gringotts account, the status

What could they possibly be envious of?

Even Enzo himself didn’t really consider himself an envious person

Growing up he knew he had it better than most, not the perfect childhood by any means, but he knew it could’ve been much worse

It isn’t until reaching Hogwarts that the green tendrils of jealousy first began to seep in

It starts out slowly as he meets his first real group of friends

It doesn’t take long for him to be slotted into the role of the sweet one of the group

Though, given the group of boys he hangs around, it can be debated how much there is to be said about the title

Nevertheless, Enzo often hears the comments made by his classmates

Enzo is the nicest of the group, the most innocent, he wouldn’t hurt a fly, just a pretty boy

The weak link of the group

And compared to boys like Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Mattheo- ever stoic, unfeeling

He realizes his kindness had been perceived as weakness

And that’s where his jealousy stems from

His desire to be seen like his friends

Tough, intimidating, powerful

His friends are the textbook definitions of a Slytherin, allowed to be mean, to be apathetic, because that’s what people expect from a Slytherin

But not him

No, he’s the nice one

That’s it

He wants to be taken seriously

And while he would never say it to his friend’s faces, Enzo is constantly watching, listening, as the bitterness slowly grows

Theodore

Sloth (noun) a lack of any feeling towards yourself or others, often giving rise to apathy.

Theo learned from a very young age that the best defense mechanism one could have, was to simply not care

Don’t care that your father ignores you

Don’t care that your mother is too weak to get out of bed

Don’t care that you’re alone

Block it out

No one could disappoint you if you didn’t care, and more importantly you couldn’t hurt yourself

Expectations only set one up to fail

Feelings would get you hurt

Theo brought this mantra with him to Hogwarts

Stone cold, emotionless

It was something his friends came to expect from him

And something that Theo learned to embrace

Because when you removed emotions, consequences didn’t seem to matter all that much

Sure he cared about his friends

At least he thought he did

But when it came down to it he couldn’t quite find it in himself to care

To really form connections

Why would he?

Alliances were fine, some could call it friendship

But truly caring about people? That made you weak

That was asking to get hurt

Why put in the effort to open yourself up to disappointment?

Simply existing was fine in Theo’s book

Don’t care about others, don’t let others care too much about you

Simply exist

Mattheo

Wrath (noun) extreme anger.

Anger was all Mattheo had ever really known

Anger, rage, fury

Didn’t matter what you called it

All Mattheo knew was that it boiled inside of him

He’d never been the best at expressing himself

Bottling up his emotions until it felt as though he would suffocate under the weight of them all

But he knew how to express anger

Anger was fast, violent, easy

And he let it consume him

There wasn’t a week that went by where Mattheo’s knuckles weren’t bruised, bloodied, or both

His anger was his release

He used to let the rage simmer, slowly waiting until it all exploded out of him in a flurry

But now it seemed he was a ticking time bomb

Just waiting for something to set him off

He didn’t think of himself as a bad person

Maybe he was

But it was as if he couldn’t control it

The fury simply taking over until suddenly he was calm again

He knew it scared a lot of people

His anger instilled fear

And for some reason, he liked it

His rage gave him power

Maybe not the kind he would’ve once liked

But power nonetheless

I tried to be serious and angsty with varying degrees of success

[kakiastro]

Who’s your Future Spouse ? Detailed 18+ reading

Hey y’all! It’s been so long since I made a intuitive post but I’m back! This reading is all about who you are going to marry or just be in a committed relationship with.

Disclaimer: please know that this is just a general reading and for entertainment purposes only. We all have free will so take what resonates and leave the rest.

Now take 3 deep breaths. Pick which animal you feel called too. If it’s more than one then that’s okay.

🦌🐅🐘

🦌

Physically: deep round light brown or hazel eyes(prominent feature) have a youthful face. Small build, lightweight muscular, light brown shaggy hair and beard. Big smile, there’s something noticeable about their hands so it can be a tattoo, a scar or birth mark. Wears casual clothes especially sweaters

Personality: chilled laid back person. They’re more on the introvert side but loves to talk once they’re comfortable with you. I feel like their low key nerdy, like for example,you wouldn’t expect them to be huge Star Wars nerds first talking them until they reveal they own collectibles😅. I wouldn’t call this person a stoner per say but they don’t mind hitting a blunt every once in a blue moon😅they also love nature and I’m seeing a hiking bag so they could have an adventure side to them as well. I feel like some of you all are interested in astrology and they’re going to love hearing you teach them about it. Im hearing they love Greek mythology. This person loves learning things as well. They’re readers. This person gives me Taurus and Gemini vibes. They love food especially street food. They’re not confrontational but they will step up if need be “I’m not with the drama but don’t get it twisted, I got these hands.” Is what I heard. If you ever seen the tv show euphoria, your person reminds me of Fez a little bit lol.

Career hobbies: im hearing they love jogging or running. They love to paint as well. Im hearing they don’t have career per say but they do have ambitions. Im hearing freelance or one day owning some type of business (im seeing a gym) I do want to point out that this is the current energy they are in so when you 2 actually meet, they may be established in their chosen field

Sexually: very sensual in bed, they love the late night cuddles and conversations after y’all have sex. They don’t mind doing it whenever but at the same time they’re not in a rush either. Very chilled person like I said. they have a nice butt. If you’re interested in men then their 🍆 is long and slightly curved. If your interested in woman, they may have some hair down there

Astrological: Mercury, Taurus, Gemini, some Sagittarius as well

Letters: D, M, L, Y (First, Middle, Last name) or nick name

Overall your person sounds dope too me deer pile, I hope you enjoyed your reading

🐅

Physically: fine as hell! intimidating look at first. May have resting bitch face😅 I’m hearing covered in tattoos, they love tribal and quote type of tattoos. They have an intense stare, they can see your soul type of stare. They’re tall and muscular, they take care of their body. They have deep dimples that you can see when they’re talking. They’re very confident but not arrogant with it. Here’s the the thing, they’re attractive and they know it😅 they dress nice and love to wear suites or athletic wear. Classy gentleman vibes. They have dark brown panther type eyes, google panther eyes and that’s how your Fs stares at you🔥clean cut hair but when it grows out, it’s really curly. They’re not really a smiley type person but when they do, their smile lights up a room.

Personality: “all my life I’ve had to fight” is what I heard. I’m going to be honest here and say that y’all Fs has been through some traumatic things in their life!! This is why they carry this tough, intimidating persona, it’s a defense mechanism. The have a hard time opening up to people due to past betrayals especially with lovers. The good news is that they’ve been working on some healing. I do feel like when they meet you, they’re going to really start taking their healing seriously because they want to be the best person they can be for you🥹they’re very protective of loved ones as well not just physically but emotionally as well. “If someone hurts you, then I’m hurting them real talk” is what I heard. Your person sort of reminds me of Jax Teller from sons of anarchy. The bad boy /bad girl with heart of gold type of vibe. They’re big romantics as well, loves date nights and very funny. Sort of a jokester (especially dirty jokes)

Career/hobbies: they love working out, playing cards, camping, traveling is a big one Im seeing. They’re very proud of their family roots; I’m hearing Italian descent. So they may love traveling their family ancestral place. For career, they work in some corporate type of work. Hence why their wearing suits a lot lol. I’m hearing entrepreneurs so they may own a business. They love this type of work because it’s competitive and they’re competitive lol

Sexually: Whew Chile!! I hope you guys have lots of stamina because this person is very sexual omg! Your Fs works a lot so when they do have time for you they want to do everything with and too you. Now I’m blushing🫣 they’re open to do all positions. They’re favorite is missionary, not because they’re boring but because they want to look you deep in your eyes while they’re in you👀, they trying to snatch your soul and you’re going to let them. I heard “Make you lose your breath with each stroke” There’s a deep spiritual connection between you 2 so the sex is fire and otherworldly. They love to go down on you as well. If you’re interested in men/masc then they have a big 🍆, if you’re interested in women (fem) then they have nice breast.

Astrological: Mars, Aries, Capricorn with some Libra energy

Letters; T, V, D, B (first, middle, last name) or nickname

Well that was hot pile 2, I need a drink of water after that😂 I hope you enjoyed it tigers

🐘

Physically: I’m hearing this person has a very gentle aura about them. They feel like a warm fireplace with hot cocoa during a winter storm. I feel so relaxed. They’re medium height. Pillsbury doughboy just came to my head so they might be on fluffy side which is good for cuddling. Round face and brown curly hair and beard. Watery blue eyes, they may wear glasses(im not sure if it’s for reading or everyday use) big hands and feet😜, they love to wear sports jerseys. They have dimples and you can really see them when they laugh. They also have rosey cheeks and they blush a lot

Personality: this person is very shy, I’m having a hard time picking things up about them because they’re so hesitant. They may have been bullied growing up so it’s hard to open for them.🥹 They’re very much homebodies but don’t mind going out every now and then. They’re very much in a bubble and only those that’s in this bubble with them can see their true personality. I am hearing that they love watching and discussing movies. They’re great listeners. They’re more of a listener than a talker but they will carry a convo with you. They love their family, especially their mom. Very protective over them. Their a very family oriented person. Im sorry y’all, I’m not getting much here, their very private person.

Career/hobbies:watching and discussing movies, loves to cook (that was a big thing I received from y’all Fs) , watching sports. For career Im hardly getting jack squat😅Im only picking up on writer so they could be that

Sexually; very emotional connection when having sex. They’re pleasures rather than receivers. Your Fs sees sex as a bonding experience more than just a “hey let’s have sex” type of way if that makes sense. I’m not going to go furthur because they’re so private and shy compared to the other piles. I want to respect that. I’m hearing “I promise I’ll do my best to make sure they’re pleased.”

Astrological : Moon and Venus. Cancer, Pisces Aquarius and some taurus energy

Letters: B,R,A, D, H (first, middle, last name) or nickname

Hey I hope you all enjoyed my post ! Make sure to follow and share my content if you want to see more. Thank you!

[cookierunslut]

Me and my rarepair (CaraChocoLico) hc in my different AUs bc why not.

A Cursed Redemption

-Caramel Arrow's crush on Choco started when he was teaching her archery, but not right away. It took a bit for those feelings to develop as she was very dedicated to learning and kinda ignored those feelings. This would also be the case for the other AUs or in general.

-Dark Choco had a small crush on her before he left, but convinced himself he didn't deserve it after what he'd done. Those feelings come back after he leaves the COD but he's very conflicted because they're close to how he feels about Licorice (who it just then sinks in he abandoned like he did Caramel Arrow in the past) too. The guilt makes it harder to sort out these feelings.

- Licorice experiences his first real heartbreak when Choco leaves them, but bro doesn't even know that's what it is. He's tremendously bad at his own feelings.

- Caramel Arrow's first reaction on meeting Licorice when he finally works up the courage to leave the COD is to hit him as hard as she can. She knocks his ass out, much to Choco's shock.

-Licorice and Caramel Arrow fight a lot when they put him under her supervision. I mean a lot. He constantly makes snide remarks about the kingdom and the Watchers, throwing around insults. She hates how often he openly insults the royal family, namely Dark Cacao, but he casually bullies Choco a bit bc this was Choco's brilliant idea.

-It takes forever for CA to realize Licorice is not nearly as bad as he makes himself out to be. He's very low-key about caring for his loved ones, to the point of being verbally insulting as if he's scared to admit he cares.

-Choco had to be the one to help CA realize that Licorice's behavior is a sort of defense mechanism, only getting close to those he can't chase away. He does this through a mix of telling her how much Licorice changed as they grew closer and sneaking around with her to catch the rare moments Licorice drops his absurdly loud, "tough/evil" persona.

-Choco is the most outwardly affectionate, especially after he gains better control of his curse and isn't as scared of hurting them.. Hugs, kisses, hand holding, cuddles. He's very touch-starved from his self imposed isolation. Also says the sweetest things.

-Caramel Arrow will accept their affection almost all of the time. She rarely initiates physical affection with Choco because she never has too. He's always looking for it. With Licorice, she usually has to be the one to initiate anything at the start, but once he's more comfortable he can be just as touchy as Choco. She tends to be more affectionate in private than in public spaces or shows her love through words.

- Licorice is so used to being alone he's become just as touch-averse as he is touch-starved. He craves their validation and affection but would rather die than let himself be seen as "weak" or ask for it. Rather than touch, he'll gently prod them to take care of themselves, or do little things he thinks will make their lives easier like take over chores. Partly convinced himself that they only act like they love him.

-CA once asked Licorice about his tribe and Licorice stopped talking to her for two weeks straight. Choco had to break the news that there aren't any others left to their knowledge.

- Choco and CA bond over their determination to make Licorice feel loved. Also their determination to beat his insecure ass into oblivion and drag him back to smother him in affection when he caves under the pressure and tries to go back to the dark side.

- Licorice is very needy, clingy, whatever, but also acts like a cat with his affections. Also sometimes stands in a corner and stares at Choco/CA as if he expects them to know he wants a hug or something. He learns to be more vocal about when he wants or needs attention.

Forsaken Licorice AU

-Choco and CA are sorta kinda an established thing here. They both like each other, and acted like a really chill, put together couple even before making it semi-public.

-Since he never got cursed, Choco is much more open to their relationship and doesn't have as many fears about them being together. As a result when they aren't focused on something else, he'll shower her with affection.

-Choco gave CA permission to enter and leave his room freely, sometimes she sneaks in just for comfort cuddles. They wouldn't try anything more risky than that given the strict culture. At least not within the Citadel walls.

- Dark Cacao 100% noticed their relationship and purposely told CA to just 'make sure he comes home' if she catches Choco sneaking out of the Citadel.

-Choco is a bit naive, he tends to lean towards a more optimistic outlook than a realistic one. Caramel Arrow loves it, even though she often has to lend a more realistic opinion.

-If Choco is the optimistic one, Licorice is the pessimistic one. He's a grouchy, petty, mean-spirited, paranoid guy who assumes the worst in an unrealistic and dramatic way. But CA and Choco suspect it's mostly for show. Besides, who wouldn't be a bit of a pessimist when they're the last of their kind? Just cuddle him until he calms down and stops complaining.

-Choco started crushing on Licorice first when he didn't know who Licorice actually was. He felt extremely guilty about it and got a little sulky bc he already had CA and having feelings for the suspicious guy living in the abandoned Licorice Tribe village felt like he was betraying her.

-CA started crushing on Licorice after the few times he invited her to stay when Choco was away (also before they knew). But she didn't figure it out until Dark Choco admitted to his new crush while acting like he'd committed a horrible crime and she found she wasn't bothered by the idea at all.

-Licorice's crush starts before he knows who they really are too. But he isn't sure if they're genuine feelings towards them or just him clinging to them to ease the loneliness he feels.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook x Reader/ Yoongi x Jimin

𝓢𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 𝓣𝓸𝓸𝓽𝓱 [Teaser]

Yoongi and Jimin are each proud owners of hybrids, and these days, slowly falling in love with one another. And everything could be so perfect- if it wasn't for you absolutely resenting Jungkook- for no reason?

Tags/Warnings: Human!Yoongi, Human!Jimin, Rottweiler hybrid!Jungkook, Cat hybrid!Reader, Enemies to friends to lovers, mentions of past traume, some Yoonmin here and there oops, Main story focus are MC and Kook though

Length: ~850 words

Read Here!

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"But she hates me!" Jungkook complaints, as he stands in the cabin Yoongi is currently unloading the groceries in. "There's no way she'll sleep in the same room as me." He huffs, and Yoongi sighs.

"Well, she has to learn. I already talked to Jimin about it-" He says, putting everything into a box that doesn't have to be stored in the fridge. "-and he agrees that he's spoiled her quite a bit until now. She needs to learn to be a bit more independent." He explains calmly, though he's internally very well aware of your distaste for his dog hybrid. He knows exactly why- but he also respects Jimin's decision to not tell Jungkook anything about your past trauma, claiming that that's something you need to tell, no one else.

And Yoongi agrees with that- but he also feels for Jungkook, who's been really trying to make you warm up to him. He already struggles to find friends due to his intimidating hybrid side and sometimes rather chaotic personality. Seeing you so defensive against him does clearly hurt, no matter ho much Jungkook tries to play it off.

But for once, Yoongi also wants to be a little selfish. He wants to spend time with Jimin, alone time away from you both, just to properly figure out where he truly wants this to go from here on out. It's why he's organized this trip in the first place. To find out if this could truly work out.

And he fears, deep down, that it won't. Because if you and Jungkook don't get along, there's no way Yoongi can ever be happy with Jimin.

A few hours away from the Cabin Yoongi and Jungkook are already setting up, you're pouting next to Jimin in the car, slumped down and with your arms crossed. "Making that face won't make me turn around, princess." Jimin says, voice light- but inside, he's torn. This is going to be tough for you, considering that you're gonna have to stay with Jungkook during the night- and the poor dog hybrid has no idea that you don't actually hate him. You don't hate at all, in fact.

Your defense mechanism when confronted with something you fear however, is to lash out. And that is most of the time taken out of context, making you appear rude and arrogant, when in reality you're just trying not to seem weak or vulnerable.

Because in the past, that would immediately make you the perfect target. Pushed aside and scolded for everything that wasn't ever your fault in your first home, used as a punching bag for other hybrids in the shelter later on, you had to somehow make up a tough façade so you wouldn't end up in those positions ever again. You learned to keep yourself safe by being the one who bites first- and it took Jimin years to truly gain your full trust.

He fears that that's all you can do though. That he's going to forever stay the only person of comfort for you.

And that's an issue. While he himself had been a bit defensive about his treatment of you with Yoongi, he knows that the older man is right. Jimin has been wrapping you in layers of bubble wrap, has spoiled you and nursed your bad habits into what they are today simply because he always saw the scared, shaking hybrid back at the shelter.

But that's not you anymore. You technically have no reason to be scared of anything anymore- but Jimin understands now, after talking numerous times about it with Yoongi, that he's partially at fault for your lack of social skills.

Jungkook had come from a good household- had been raised well, so Yoongi had never really experienced anything like Jimin did with you, but nonetheless, his advice still counts, and is still valid.

You need to learn at some point. You have to realize that there's nothing to fear anymore- and that Jungkook isn't an enemy ready to eat you alive in your sleep.

"Come on, stop pouting now, hm?" He tries, running a hand over your head once at a red light. You just look out the window. "Is Jungkookie that scary?" He asks, and you shake your head.

"He's dumb." You deny, putting your legs up and onto the seat.

"Hey.!" He scolds gently. "Jungkook isn't dumb. He's trying hard, okay? You could be at least civil with him, sugar." He tells you, and you sigh at that, leaning against the door.

"I don't want to." You say defensively, tail angrily flopping around. "You just say that because you wanna be with Yoongi." You huff.

"Partially, I admit that." Jimin nods. "But I also agree with him that you need to be nicer. Jungkookie is really trying to be friends with you, you know?" He sighs.

"I don't care.." You mumble to yourself, angrily looking out the window. You know that Jungkook isn't a threat- but he's still scary to you. He's tall, and a lot of muscle, and he's loud, and energetic, and just.. scary. Intimidating. Potentially dangerous. And that potential alone is enough to make you feel threatened.

Jungkook and Yoongi are currently ruining your perfect life you had with Jimin. So you've got enough reason to be absolutely pissed.

[hey-hey-j]

17, 32, 33, 37 for the character ask game?

Branch

character ask game!

.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

this, lol

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh

we don't have to go digging very far for this one, we can thank canon: it's Poppy's kindness

for as neutral as I am about Broppy I do genuinely think Branch's affection for her is really sweet, both platonically and romantically

even before they were together, she was the only person who never gave up on him, no matter how many times he pushed her away....

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry

oofgh, this one's a little bit harder, because I don't think that Branch is much of a crier under normal circumstances. Even as a little kid when he literally witnessed his grandma getting eaten, even when he thought Floyd had just died in his arms, we don't see him shed any tears, do we? It's not that he's "tough" or that he just "doesn't cry," it's more like.... he's used to compartmentalizing his emotions as a defense mechanism against his own trauma?

it's when things get to be too much at once and those walls break down that he also breaks down. Back during his grey days, in the depths of his isolation and depression and paranoia, when his thoughts and feelings had nowhere to go but back into himself.....

alternatively I don't think he's immune to getting misty-eyed watching cheesy feel-good rom coms with Poppy

37. What they really think about themselves

For Branch, his self-image is in constant flux. Every day, his perception of himself changes, from the paranoid loner no one likes to the troll everyone leaves behind, to the imperfect person Poppy loves, to the brother who brought his family back together. He thought he was sure of who he was back when he was stuck in his bunker, but then he left that isolated world and realized he could be so much more if he just let himself.

and at the end of the day, the only thing he knows for certain is that he's Branch, and Branch is nervous and cautious and always prepared for the worst, but Branch is also kind and sarcastic and willing to go way, way out of his comfort zone for the people he cares about, because he is capable of caring for people. So much. He's a big ol' culmination of everyone who's ever played a part in his life and he's still learning to accept himself exactly as he is, flaws and all, but he's getting there. And so far, he's pretty darn happy with himself.

[okeana-aster]

A character analysis of Abraham Tower because everyone seems to think he's a bad character for some reason

He was lied to by G.U.N. after the ARK was raided by them. They told him that Shadow was the one who killed everyone aboard the ARK. And he lost his family that day.

It's not told to us that G.U.N. lied to him about what happened, but it's just a matter of putting the puzzle pieces back together. He was aboard the ARK, he thinks Shadow killed everyone there, and he works for G.U.N. now.

They took him in, they took care of him after he lost everything, and they shifted the blame of their crimes on Shadow. He wouldn't work with them if he knew that they're the ones who took everything from him. And clearly he doesn't know since he thinks Shadow did it.

Sure he had some prejudice about Shadow beforehand, as we see in Dark Beginnings, that have been amplified by G.U.N.'s lies, and while it's not right, he was just a kid. A scared kid who saw Black Doom and is afraid of him and of the being he created : Shadow.

His agressivity towards Shadow isn't warranted, but once again he's just a kid. Kids don't know better. It's the defense mechanism of a scared child. It's not his fault.

We even see this moment of nuance in his character in Dark Beginnings, when he listens to Maria and Shadow's conversation, and you can see in his expression that he feels doubt, but his feelings are messy, and he doesn't understand them fully either.

And so he ends up pushing these doubts away (or at least trying to), because he's still a child, and he doesn't know how to properly handle them. We see it through that upset expression that he switches to as Maria talks.

He's conflicted, but he doesn't know how to process this feeling, so he tries to repress it. It's somewhat the same expression Shadow does in episode 3 when he tries to repress his thoughts about Maria.

So back to him as an adult, with the information he had, it's fair that he wanted to stop Shadow. He was led to believe for most of his life that Shadow is the one who took everything from him by the ones who "saved him".

But Abraham is still a good person at heart. When he realizes that Shadow genuinly doesn't remember what happened and Shadow asks for time to uncover the truth, he lets him. He doesn't want to hurt someone for crimes he doesn't even remember having committed.

And when Shadow tells him that if what he says is true, he'll accept his fate, it seems to be when Abraham starts to think that maybe things aren't exactly the way he was told they are.

Because Shadow seems genuine. It's nothing like what he imagined him or their confrontation to be like, and it puts seeds of doubt in what he believed during his entire life. And it's tough when you start to realize you might have been following the wrong path for so long.

And you can see after the world was saved by Shadow, his body language shows that he's really upset and mad at himself for trying to hurt someone who is just as much of a victim of all this as he is.

He lowers his head and clenches his fists while staying silent. He's really frustrated at himself for what he tried to do to Shadow, for the resentment he felt towards him this whole time, now that he realizes it was unwarranted. And there's a lot of pain in his facial expression. It's a silent but powerful moment.

I mean, imagine learning that basically your entire life is a lie. That this feeling that has driven you for 50 years was based on a lie, and that by following that lie, during your whole life you wanted to bring harm to someone who was not only an innocent, but also a victim just like you. It must be a lot to come to terms with.

He knows now that Shadow did genuinly care, and that he lost everything on that day too. And maybe that's why he wanted to invite Shadow to eat with him someday. It's not just that he realized he wronged Shadow and wants to make up for it, but also that maybe the two of them are more alike than he originally thought.

And he probably decided to stay in G.U.N. after that despite learning the truth in order to make sure that G.U.N. would never do anything like this again, and it's probably why Shadow was okay with joining G.U.N. in '06. He knows that under Abraham's command, G.U.N. is a force of good, unlike the G.U.N. of 50 years ago.

[aspd-culture]

@brandon666

First off, you have some *really* inaccurate ideas of what ASPD is. Do you think we can survive in the world acting like you expect me to act? Far more often, pwASPD appear detached and callous rather than actively hostile the way you're saying. We aren't 12 year old kids on Xbox Live voice chat, * s p o o k y voice* we are all around you. You wouldn't be able to pick most of us out of a crowd, even if you had direct interaction with us. In fact, a running joke here and in my real life is that people often tell pwASPD "don't worry, I can sniff out a s*ciop*th a mile away" or similar not realizing they're talking shit about us to our face.

There *are* pwASPD who are still entirely valid who act the way you're saying - and also plenty of prosocials who behave like that too. But it isn't all of us, all the time. Most of us are capable of and maybe even prefer to be cool, calm, and calculated about how we speak and act because of the trauma we have.

Unlike people on TV like Dr. House, there are real life consequences to the behavior you describe, and many of us strive not to be happy, but for life to be as convenient as possible. Kinda hard to get convenience while you're pissing everyone off. Ever heard the part of ASPD where they mention we are manipulative and charismatic? Yeah that isn't exactly compatible with being crass, careless, pranking, or offensive. Careless actually specifically bothers me because we are often said to "play a social chess game" with people we talk to. Many of us are extremely calculating and overly cautious. And many of us aren't, but it certainly isn't like you're saying all the time. Even pwASPD who *do* act like that usually are calm and "respectful" sometimes.

Also, I never claimed to be unmasked on this blog. Most of the time, I am absolutely masking to some degree - although much less than IRL. You can actually see that in the tags, I use "a rare unmasked aspd-culture" as a joke about this fact. Whilst this is a safe place for other pwASPD to unmask if they'd like, my posts on this blog are different. My side of this is helping educate people - prosocial, antisocial, whoever - if/when they have questions for me about ASPD which is fairly frequent. This isn't to say I am not ok with unmasking here, like I said it's happened before, but consider the context of what's happening.

I'm often asked genuine questions about ASPD, some of which are ableist (almost always on accident!) and many of which are based on extremely common misconceptions. If I were to unmask while answering those, I would end up being really shitty to people who are trying to learn - often people who want to do better for the pwASPD in their life, or for themselves. We talk about coping mechanisms and the development of ASPD a lot here; with those topics there is little room for my unmasked behavior *and* education. If I were to unmask while answering, no one would be getting anything out of asking those questions even if I was providing info because it's hard to take in new information from someone when they're being defensive or hostile.

I don't want to be hostile towards them, I want to help because if ASPD is ever going to be destigmatized, someone has got to answer their questions and help show them what it is and what it isn't! We can't expect prosocials to fend for themselves in the cesspool of stigma that the typical google results on ASPD show - someone has to help them. And since one of my special interests (something autistic ppl like myself have and love to infodump about) is mental health, especially my own disorders, I am happy to be one of the people they can ask these sometimes tough questions to.

I am also helping pwASPD! Many questions I get are people trying to understand their own disorder or the disorder they think they might have. It sucked for me, learning this all on my own (and I'm still learning too), so I can use the cognitive empathy I've taught myself over the years and remember the feelings I went through when I was trying to find unbiased info.

There's a transaction here - a major part of ASPD if you didn't know - I calmly and respectfully answer people's questions, and the world becomes slightly less ignorant and we get a slight amount of progress on destigmatizing this disorder. That makes my life easier too. In the process, I see many culture asks that remind me I'm not alone in this. Often, posting those gives me some catharsis, and you will sometimes see me going off in the tags about what I've dealt with. But for the most part, I'm giving other pwASPD an open space to unmask as well as to ask questions to someone who will, 95% of the time, give a masked and respectful answer. Friendly is a stretch tho lol unless you missed the original post about the syscourse that you commented this on.

So yeah, long and short, you're definitely missing something here and that's ok. Just learn and do better. I know you might see that as another thing that is flying in the face of ASPD or whatever, but it's no skin off my back if you think I have ASPD or not, and anyway I'd rather you just learn and maybe next time someone says something like that to/around you about ASPD, you'll have the knowledge to correct it. Spreading info is an exponential situation - once I tell you guys things, some of you will inevitably tell someone else that, and so on and so forth until a good handful of people now know things about ASPD they didn't before. If not, oh well. I got to infodump and see relatable posts that made me feel seen.

Either way, it's been, and hopefully will continue to be, a net positive. You are absolutely welcome to keep this dialogue going if you have questions, want clarification, are enraged that I gave you a calm response, whichever. Even if you don't get anything out of this, someone else seeing it might.

I'll really fuck with you now - I genuinely hope you have a good day.

[troublesomecousin]

aloe, chamomile, daisy, iris, lily, parsley, & sunflower!

@dxsole

aloe : how does your muse handle grief ?

Kevin doesn't actually have that much experience with grief with regard to death. Most people he's close to are very much still alive, and he's gone to maybe a funeral or two when he was younger. Death is something of an abstract concept to him, something that happens to other people. However, this is not to say Kevin has never experienced loss or felt the weight of grief internally or from outside forces. Most of Kevin's loss has to do with separation. When he was small his parents split, and not too many years later his mom moved the two of them to London to be closer to her family, cutting Kevin off from his older half brother who he loved and still loves very dearly. Kevin's grief manifests as disinterest and melancholy, a noteable dip in his usual amount of energy and enthusiasm. While he will find distractions to alleviate these feelings, the only real way for him to recover from grief is to be given time. Despite his efforts to seem cool and aloof, Kevin feels emotions very deeply and needs a lot of time to properly move on from sadness...which is why he tries to avoid feeling it entirely. In terms of external grief, growing up in the wake of WWII in London, Kevin was surrounded by the scars that war left. Bombed out buildings in certain neighborhoods left to rot, friends with entire chunks of their families missing...Kevin's grief had a lot of company.

chamomile : what is your muse likely to take away from a painful experience ? are they one to be haunted by adversity , or to use what they’ve gone through to become stronger ?

Kevin is an excellent builder of walls. He's deeply disinterested in his own pain and will go to great lengths to avoid it, so when he is challenged or forced to confront the ways in which he is sensitive he is quick to put up his defenses, cutting himself off as much as possible from potential pain or at least softening the blow in some way. This is usually achieved by enforcing emotional or literal distance. While he likes to think his walls and myriad of convoluted defense mechanisms make him stronger, he is in fact quite fragile at his core, not allowing himself to grow from painful experiences. This isn't to say it's impossible for him to learn from pain, but it's something he needs a big push to do, and he is much more likely to succeed if he has someone he feels he can trust with the fragile side of himself so he can finally give it space to grow.

daisy : did your muse ever feel as though their innocence had been lost ? what moment in their life could be described as the end of their innocence ?

Answered HERE

iris : if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind , what would it be ?

"I should have been better to you, but I don't know if that's something I'm capable of. Thanks for caring enough to think there was good in me, and I wish you could get to see if what you saw was real or just wishful thinking. I'm sure I'm not the person you thought I was, but that's not really my decision to make. Maybe I'll see you again if I get real lucky and you get real unlucky. And one last thing, I'm sorry."

lily : how does your muse view their mother ?

How appropriate that this flower is also his mother's name... As tough as he acts, Kevin loves and adores his mother. She is the one parental figure he's had from the start that he has never once lost. Besides Tommy, she is the person in his family he is closest to. While he knows he hasn't always lived up to her expectations for him, she had loved him throughout, supporting him no matter what. Even if he's in the wrong...sometimes especially if he's in the wrong. Kevin thinks the world of his mother, and while there were some rough patches in their relationship, particularly in Kevin's teenage years, she has never lost his standing with him. The only real betrayal he's felt toward her was her choice in husbands since Kevin never got along well with him, and his mother would often come to her spouse's defense, believing his word over Kevin's. However, this conflict mostly resolved itself as Kevin got older and could get away from the household more. He loves her dearly. She's his greatest cheerleader and one of the few people he's willing to cry in front of. He trusts her with a softer side of himself since he knows she won't turn her back on him for it. And while he's never come out to her, he has a feeling she knows...

parsley : describe a holiday your muse enjoys , and why they enjoy it .

Christmas! As much as Kevin hates being dragged to church he absolutely LOVES to get presents. Yes, it's a completely superficial reason to like the holiday, but Kevin has never claimed to be a person with a lot of depth (he has it, he just doesn't like to admit to it). But beyond just presents, Kevin actually quite likes getting to spend time with his family, and they always have a wonderful dinner together. Even his little cousin who isn't very much fun at all can prove entertaining during the holidays, and he doesn't complain when you steal a toy or two for your own amusement. And of course, being a creative type, Kevin likes to make ornaments. Decorations in general are a big highlight for him. What can he say? He loves a little sparkle. When he gets older, Kevin maintains his love of Christmas, enjoying going to more adult oriented parties and gatherings during the whole holiday season. When it was just him and Tommy for a long time, there wasn't the same amount of family Christmas celebrations, but Kevin always felt it was important to be with his cousin on the day itself.

sunflower : what brings your muse the most joy in life ?

While Kevin pretends to be something of a lone wolf, not truly needing other people...he simply loves people. He loves getting to be around those that he cares about, protecting them and being the one they rely on. He absolutely can be a selfish prick, but at the end of the day he does feel he has a duty to the people he loves to make sure they're taken care of, and it gives him an incredible sense of fulfillment.

[ichangemyusertoomuch]

from your post about torchwood character analysis - do you have anything to say about owen? about his death maybe? or his dynamics with other characters?

personally I think Owen's progression is so ignored! many people really don't like him, and I think that's because they buy into his "mean guy" front too much, right from the start, when I prefer to see that as shield of some sorts.

chronologically: his childhood? sucked. in season two, episode five 'Adam', he talks about his mother, claiming that she said that she "didn't have to like him in order to love him". straight off the bat - what the hell - we see that she clearly was some form of abusive. presumably in an emotional manner, by not caring at all and being neglectful. therefore, possibly being a stem for his almost attention-seeking behavior (specifically in season one), where he acts 'mean' in order to get a reaction from others. alternatively it could suggest his self-neglect, as he doesn't actually look after himself, as shown through the means of sexual relationships without any long-term point.

the reason for this??

KATIE! his fiance. the one who literally died of an alien parasite before they could get married. in season two, episode twelve 'Fragments', we see a chunk of his backstory, before he became this 'selfish jerk'. I think that he was a really normal dude, genuinely in love. and the way that that relationship became an absolute trainwreck really mentally damaged him, the way he sees the world, the way he sees love and relationships. I think that kind of loss absolutely destroys a person and hence, as a defense mechanism to avoid the world from hurting him again: he decided to be an extremely unlikable idiot.

in 'Adam' Owen is stripped of his cool-ness and turns into - not many ways to put this - a needy geek. in a deleted scene I found on YouTube (I'll tag the series of deleted scenes below, it's somewhere in that vid), he calls his mother and tries to arrange meeting up with her. that is the only time we ever see him talk to her, and he's very much not himself: he's weaker and so he's dropped the emotion floodgates, calling his mother even though she hurt him. therefore, I feel that Owen isn't actually the jerk he pretends to be. supported by how literally just before he dies (for the final time), he reverts to being a normal person. his plain and sweet self. (which entirely heartbreaking, but I had to add that in, for his depth, my apologies everybody)

he had the affair with Gwen at the peak of the not-caring-about-anybody phase and really seemed to end up regretting it. he and Gwen (as friends) are really sweet, their vibes match so well and I love how they basically have a sibling dynamic.

as for Jack, well, Jack has this amazing power how everyone in Torchwood remains good friends no matter what. Owen shoots Jack? "I forgive you". Ianto shoots Owen? they're friends again in season two. and so I really do think that Jack and Owen are friends. they have trust. a lot of trust, but there is friction (look at the season one finale, for god's sake). Jack resurrected Owen because he emotionally wasn't ready to give him up, and that may have ended up being a selfish move because of how crushing it was on everyone involved.

the zombie arc was a massive challenge and he conquered it so incredibly. from episodes 9-13 (season two) he was fine, give or take the sarcastic comment. in season two, episode eight 'A Day in the Death', Jack provides nothing but tough love to Owen. being what he needed but didn't exactly want.

when Owen died fully in episode thirteen he was ready to stop living like he was. a walking corpse. he did not want to die, but he knew that his insanely fragile existence wasn't worth it.

in conclusion, I think Owen's progression is immaculate. he learns to drop the tough guy brick wall to the point where he has actual two way friendships. although, I do wish he'd had the date with Tosh. although I understand why it wasn't going to happen. they're destined away from each other. (maybe how Owen is destined to find anything but happiness)

thank you for reading, if you made it to here you're a real one 💪

the deleted scene:

[swaps55]

I feel like I know the gang so well, they're family. I found myself chuckling and answering most of those questions for myself. But surprise surprise, I'd love to hear your music picks (number 9 on the OC meme) for Aslany and Pendergrass.

Also, um, number 1 if you're feeling generous.

Thank you!!!!

Edgy OC Ask Meme

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC

Kara Pendergrass: Ha, this actually isn’t an easy answer because her vibe is so different from the other characters that I don’t often listen to music that evokes her specifically. She is a determined ray of sunshine, not out of any driving act to put kindness in the world, but as a defense mechanism. If you don’t take anything too seriously or hold it too close, no one can hurt you with it. Because she serves as my earthborn “Shepard,” so-to-speak, she’s also someone who learned very young that you might not get a tomorrow, so get your kicks today. And that’s why I like this one: 

Hey child, hey child We were born wild Let your neon lights Keep shinin' bright

(Though I thought really hard about “Boom,” by the same artist, for obvious reasons XD)

Muriel Aslany: I have a similar problem with Aslany, because she just doesn’t quite lend herself to my usual writing aesthetic of “sad dude playing a guitar,” but I heard BURNS' cover of ‘Ho Hey’ while I was working on the latter part of Fugue, and then promptly went off and wrote the scene where Aslany will finally see Sam again after the reaper war. I love this song for her, because the cover is infused with so much wistfulness and longing, and as hard as she is on the outside, that’s the inner Aslany. Someone who desperately wants to belong, but doesn't know how.

I been tryin' to do it right I been livin' a lonely life I been sleepin' here instead I been sleepin' in my bed, sleepin' in my bed So show me family All the blood that I will bleed I don't know where I belong I don't know where I went wrong But I can write a song

The Lumineers version of the song has always felt like a ‘Yang song in general to me because of the lines, “So show me family, all the blood that I will bleed.” That whole bunch is a group of misfits who needed family. They found it in one another, and it’s worth bleeding for.  

1. What memory would your OC rather just forget?

This is a tough question for both of them, because I’ve almost purposefully let their past histories stay a little murky. Both of them have childhoods they try not to think about. I have a lot of daydreams about Sam, Kaidan, Aslany, and Pendergrass hanging out at the orchard doing dumb shit like climbing trees and having chicken fights in the lake after the war, because they all had interrupted childhoods and I like the idea of them having the chance to reclaim them – together.  

[penn-dragon]

You’ve activated my trap card: infodumping my thoughts about Sanji’s fucked up relationship with vulnerability and intimacy.

I remember reading something once that talked about how many men struggle with discerning the difference between the desire for intimacy and the desire for sexual satisfaction because the two are so often considered synonymous for men in society. One person talked about how her partner thought he had ED issues until they started exploring different ways to fulfill his emotional needs and he learned the difference between being horny and wanting emotional closeness. That’s always kind of stuck with me, the way men are expected to fulfill all of their emotional needs through sex with romantic partners, because wanting non-sexual intimacy is something seen as “girly” or “weak.” And I’ve thought about it a lot in regards to Sanji and his relationship to masculinity and vulnerability.

Sanji has a very hard time expressing his kind and vulnerable side because of the abuse he suffered as a kid. After he ran away from Germa, he learned to act like a tough little asshole as a defense mechanism, because there was no one to protect him anymore. Even after Zeff took him in as someone who genuinely loves him, Zeff basically acts the same way, being rough and tumble ex-pirate who communicates his love to Sanji in more subtle ways. So being raised by him pretty much reinforced that switch in his personality to only showing his kindness in ways that are considered acceptable for a man (cooking, flirting with women, ect.)

Sanji is most comfortable putting on a tough guy persona and acting like an asshole, even if his actions directly contradict it (e.g. saying he only saves women only to risk his life throwing Usopp out of danger three seconds later). Which is something a lot of people in One Piece do, but Sanji takes it to another level, because even now he has his family’s voices in the back of his head telling him he’s weak, a failure, subhuman. Rather than just a front to act tough, I think Sanji genuinely feels unsafe showing the parts of himself he was told make him weak. He trusts his friends with his life, but childhood trauma dies hard and the traumatized child inside him still thinks showing kindness and vulnerability leads to pain, and as such he still struggles to be truly emotionally vulnerable with people, ESPECIALLY other men, who he sees as the bigger threat.

However, fearing your emotional needs doesn’t make them go away. Sanji LOVES people. Despite his incurable asshole disease, he’s extremely personable. He has a big bleeding heart and cares so deeply for the people around him. He craves connection, and I think that goes doubly so for a romantic relationship, because Sanji loves so intensely. I think in a relationship with Zoro they would have a hard time getting into sync at first. Falling in love with Zoro came out of LEFT FIELD for Sanji, it was in NO WAY something he was prepared for and is nothing like he ever imagined, therefore it’s completely uncharted territory. They suck at communicating because Zoro doesn't always realize things need to be said out loud and Sanji’s afraid to ask. He’s especially not comfortable with the idea of wanting intimacy from Zoro. Despite the inherent trust and respect they have for each other, their relationship has always been volatile, electric, violent. There’s no room for softness. Men aren’t supposed to want tenderness from other men. He’s not supposed to want closeness from Zoro. That’s not how they are, that’s not what he pretends he is.

Sex on the other hand, sex is safe. Men are supposed to want sex—expected to—and while sex and emotional intimacy often go hand in hand it’s not scoffed at the way non-sexual intimacy is. He’s able to fulfill some of the desire for closeness through sex without completely opening himself up to vulnerability. But wanting sex and wanting intimacy aren’t the same thing, and Sanji’s not actually allowing himself what he needs. Enter Zoro figuring out what Sanji’s doing after he reaches a breaking point (starts sobbing half-way through sex which PANICS THE HELL out of Zoro) and being like “yeah I’m not letting him do that anymore” and starts opening up the option for different kinds of intimacy in their relationship in a way that doesn’t make Sanji feel exposed or demeaned.

I have a headcanon that Sanji struggles with wanting/asking for non-sexual intimacy from Zoro. So if he's having a rough day or just wants to be held by the man he loves he'll initiate sex in order to feel that connection, regardless of whether he's actually in the mood. But Zoro's gotten unnervingly good at telling when he's doing this and redirecting to give him what he actually needs in that moment.

[f4ggydog]

From someone with narcissistic traits to another, re: your post

No one is an innately bad person, including you. A lifetime of emotional, physical abuse, neglect, trauma, and so on, will do that to you. It is a coping mechanism. “I am going to manipulate and do bad things to survive. I am going to cover up my self hatred with a more powerful hate for others.” And then it becomes learned behavior. It becomes your entire mindset, and it’s very easy to fall into. Especially if you’re still living with family who you clash with frequently. If you’re not in a good environment, it drains your entire life and makes everything + your symptoms worse.

Certain psychiatric medications can also cause anhedonia, emotional blunting, and lack of empathy for others. I recommend researching this and talking about this with your doctor and therapist.

Your therapists probably see you as a troubled young individual who is good deep down. They want to help you, to do their job right (hopefully). But if you feel they are brushing off your bad parts, that’s a valid concern. But you have to communicate this to them clearly or else they will keep babying you and you’re just going to keep hating it.

All you can do is rein in your behavior. It doesn’t work for everyone, but I’m religious, so I look to my tenents to remind myself to do good or I will be judged in the afterlife. However, I make exceptions. An eye for an eye.

If you’re not religious, then another idea is “I want to make my loved ones, my friends, my girlfriend, proud when they think of me. I want to be good to them. I want to be liked.”

I think, when struggling with narcissism, there has to be a reason/an incentive to do good. Which is why people hate us, but it’s the truth.

I also struggle with violent thoughts, but I know that I’d never do any of those things, because as much as I hate my life, I don’t want to get locked up forever in a fucking looney bin or abused in prison working slave wages until I get shanked and die, because that would be 1000x worse. So that’s what stops me personally. It also might help to remind yourself “what am I even thinking? I sound like an edgy teenager right now”. Like, would you actually do it? Whatever it is? Is it worth it? To lose the ones you love forever and get locked away, just for hurting someone once? Sure, maybe you’re angry now, but those consequences are a lotttt worse. So I just let myself feel the anger, and know that god will take care of that person’s ass for me.

I hope any of this advice helps

anon if u don’t mind I want to communicate with you further on this…from low empathy monster to person with narcissistic traits (just to see if u relate to me or if we can get to the bottom of this mess)

have you ever felt like u had to rely on other ppl for ur sets of morals because u don’t trust urself enough to have the empathy or correct morals to the point where u over sympathize when it’s unnecessary or don’t sympathize enough? Or is this another problem because the average person with narcissist traits would rely on their own morals? (I also get anxiety about ppl not knowing my true morals just because of the arguments I got into previously (haven’t argued for at least a week and a half though so far) but I also know that’s completely on me because ppl are going to give me harsh judgments if I project my opinions so harshly and then get defensive

other than that I agree with you. I think it’s also important that we don’t try to defend ourselves. we may find reasoning or explanation for our actions but that doesn’t excuse them and we should always strive for self improvement.

sorry if I’m like dumping onto you rn and rambling idek if anything I said makes sense(ig I just want help from someone else with narcissistic traits) I’m just glad to have u reach out and give me some support but also tough advice thst I deserve

[marjaystuff]

Interview with Pamela Fagan Hutchins

The Detective Delaney Pace series is a modern-day western thriller. She can be described as a vigilante with a badge. People should read all the books starting with Her Silent Bones, then Her Hidden Grave, Her Last Cry, with the latest, Her Forgotten Shadow. The character Delaney Pace is street tough, tenacious, intelligent, and steps up to the plate to become a mother to her two adopted daughters, Kateena and Carrie. As with all these books the crime thriller is based on the abuse of women and will keep readers on the edge of their seats. The plot is action packed, fast paced and a page turner.  

Elise Cooper: How did you get the idea for the series?

Pamela Fagan Hutchins:  I have a friend that is a former ice-road-truck driver who must drive in horrific weather. My editor wanted me to write a tough female detective. I live in Wyoming, which is where my friend also lives. I thought how I could match a homegrown Wyoming tough woman that developed some special skills by being an ice-road-trucker and changes a career to become a Sheriff deputy. I chose Wyoming because I was already writing other books with this setting and knew readers wanted more Wyoming books. 

EC:  What is an ice-road-trucker?

PFH: There are ice roads through Canada and the Dakotas where they are open a couple of months a year, in the very depths of winter. People use these roads to get across which would otherwise be water. 

EC: Was there a common theme throughout the four books?

PFH: I like to think about the setting, the people, and the timeframe. I wanted to write books that included the modern West.  What would uniquely happen there, something culturally appropriate. I also look for a new way to kill people and how to solve the murder. I think of books in threes.  The first three books dealt with Delaney’s brother. The next three books will emphasize the impact on her regarding the loss of her mother. 

EC:  Do you think your books are modern Westerns?

PFH:  For me, yes.  The characters have a rugged individualism, embrace their neighbors, and never shrink away from hard work in the Rocky Mountain West. They are cowboy-like. The setting and the culture are western. 

EC:  Each of the books has abuse of women, please explain.

PFH: The way I approach the bad guys is to have them have a reason for the brutal way they treated women, and to make sure the crime was a balance between protecting sensibilities with a sense of fear. If Delaney was not a deputy, she would be a vigilante. The bad guys deserved what happened to them. I am not a fan of unlikeable protagonists and unreliable narratives. This is a western sensibility in that the good guys should retain their goodness, and the bad guys are bad.

EC:  How would you describe Delaney?

PFH: She is inspired by my friend who has mechanical aptitude, mental toughness, ruggedness, and a soloist.  She has knowledge of the area since she already grew up there. These help in her career as a deputy. Delaney is a risk-taker, calm in a crisis, direct, protective, prickly, has a sense of humor, sarcastic, stoic, defensive, and has a sense of justice. She is very outdoorsy. 

EC: How has Delaney’s backstory affected her?

PFH: What drives her is being abandoned as a child after her mother left and her father was killed. This informs a lot of her life choices.  She has the attitude no one else will have a chance to hurt me. 

EC:  How would you describe the two girls, Kateena versus Carrie?

PFH: Kateena is sassy, loyal, and proud of her Aunt Delaney. Carrie had to overcome abuse, has control issues, and is a “gamer.” She has become more of a live gamer, learning to drive the big rig. Carrie was originally a video gamer because it was an escape mechanism for her where she was able to control this imaginary world. 

EC:  What is the relationship between Delaney, Kateena, and Carrie?

PFH: Kateena has this blood bond with Delaney.  She is almost the ulterior ego of Delaney. It is very easy for Delaney to relate what Kateena is going through. Delaney felt duty bound by honor and code to take in Kateena to make sure she was not deserted.  Carrie helped Delaney grow her heart. Delaney has become a champion of girls and the wrongs done to young women. Kateena and Carrie are recognizing each other as sisters, taking care of one another but also having their disagreements. The girl’s relationship with Delaney is based on love, emotion, and fear of loss. They come together with this trauma bond. 

EC:  What about the relationship between Leo and Delaney?

PFH:  He compliments Delaney in solving a crime because he is the computer expert. He is smitten and in love with Delaney. They are well suited for each other. Because Delaney is afraid of being abandoned again, she is afraid of committing. They can relate to each other because both have moral ambiguity.  I want to make sure he is tough enough for her. Their relationship is like a ping pong game where she trusts him, then doesn’t; cares for him, but cannot show it; angry at him, but loves him; does not like his secrets but she has her own secrets. She never trusted anyone so that when something occurs, a bump in the road, she easily backs out. She is inconsistent toward him. 

EC:  Was the latest book a cliffhanger?

PFH:  Yes.  My editor talked me into this.  There was a whole other paragraph, but I took it out. I wrote book 4 as if the series was not going to continue, but there will be a book 5. 

EC:  Next book?

PFH:  The title is tied into the plot line. Carrie and Delaney have forged a bond over the big rig where they have something in common. Leo is going to do something very shocking at the end of this book. This book has a raging wildfire.  Delaney and Carrie find a body where the fire swept through this house. It will be published in April. 

THANK YOU!!