#wound up each representing a different piece of sam

[swaps55]

I feel like I know the gang so well, they're family. I found myself chuckling and answering most of those questions for myself. But surprise surprise, I'd love to hear your music picks (number 9 on the OC meme) for Aslany and Pendergrass.

Also, um, number 1 if you're feeling generous.

Thank you!!!!

Edgy OC Ask Meme

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC

Kara Pendergrass: Ha, this actually isn’t an easy answer because her vibe is so different from the other characters that I don’t often listen to music that evokes her specifically. She is a determined ray of sunshine, not out of any driving act to put kindness in the world, but as a defense mechanism. If you don’t take anything too seriously or hold it too close, no one can hurt you with it. Because she serves as my earthborn “Shepard,” so-to-speak, she’s also someone who learned very young that you might not get a tomorrow, so get your kicks today. And that’s why I like this one: 

Hey child, hey child We were born wild Let your neon lights Keep shinin' bright

(Though I thought really hard about “Boom,” by the same artist, for obvious reasons XD)

Muriel Aslany: I have a similar problem with Aslany, because she just doesn’t quite lend herself to my usual writing aesthetic of “sad dude playing a guitar,” but I heard BURNS' cover of ‘Ho Hey’ while I was working on the latter part of Fugue, and then promptly went off and wrote the scene where Aslany will finally see Sam again after the reaper war. I love this song for her, because the cover is infused with so much wistfulness and longing, and as hard as she is on the outside, that’s the inner Aslany. Someone who desperately wants to belong, but doesn't know how.

I been tryin' to do it right I been livin' a lonely life I been sleepin' here instead I been sleepin' in my bed, sleepin' in my bed So show me family All the blood that I will bleed I don't know where I belong I don't know where I went wrong But I can write a song

The Lumineers version of the song has always felt like a ‘Yang song in general to me because of the lines, “So show me family, all the blood that I will bleed.” That whole bunch is a group of misfits who needed family. They found it in one another, and it’s worth bleeding for.  

1. What memory would your OC rather just forget?

This is a tough question for both of them, because I’ve almost purposefully let their past histories stay a little murky. Both of them have childhoods they try not to think about. I have a lot of daydreams about Sam, Kaidan, Aslany, and Pendergrass hanging out at the orchard doing dumb shit like climbing trees and having chicken fights in the lake after the war, because they all had interrupted childhoods and I like the idea of them having the chance to reclaim them – together.  

[shallowrambles]

Shabby studies in meaning making

Some disturbing revisitations to PTSD!Cas

7x21

CASTIEL Yes. Of course. Oh. Outside today, in the garden, I followed a honeybee. I saw the route of flowers. It's all right there, the whole plan. There's nothing to add.

This means, the plan is complete. We shouldn't add anything to it. Certainly not free will.

///

CASTIEL Will you look at her? My caretaker. All of that thorny pain. So beautiful.

Not much here, except he likes Meg.

///

CASTIEL Yes. I heard a ping that pierced me, and, well, you wouldn't have heard it unless you were an angel at the time.

CASTIEL Oh. Of course. Now I understand.

CASTIEL You were the ones. Well... I guess that makes sense.

CASTIEL If someone was going to free the Word from the vault of the earth, it would end up being you two. Oh, I love you guys.

CASTIEL pulls DEAN and SAM into a hug.

Some contradictory relief here; the relief that Sam and Dean are bringing meaning to chaos.

///

CASTIEL Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft? I know for a fact the females were not consulted about that.

Sex. Cas is mentioning it A LOT. Like he's trying to distance himself from it in a clinical, "watcher" kind of way. Probably he can't understand why he wants it, what possible connection if could offer. Perhaps he's disgusted with himself. He'll revisit it often: repetition, sex and wars. Bees like flowers because they feed on their nectar and pollen, and they facilitate sex between flowers.

///

CASTIEL This is the handwriting of Metatron.

CASTIEL Uh... "Tree”? [He looks at SAM and DEAN.] "Horse"? "Fiddler crab"? I can't read it. It wasn't meant for angels.

Wryness. Also re: above and Word freed from the vault; angels aren't meant to make meaning.

///

CASTIEL Don't like conflict.

CASTIEL disappears and the stone tablet drops to the floor, breaking into three pieces.

Dismissive avoidant in full swing. No emotions, no participation, no war-making. He breaks everything he touches. NOTE: The angel tablet breaks into THREE pieces, representing Sam, Dean AND Cas.

///

DEAN walks over to stand in front of CASTIEL.

DEAN You realize you just broke God's Word?

CASTIEL looks away and DEAN sits down at the table opposite him.

WOW. And it broke into THREE pieces! Cas is ever the glue, an essential component of free will.

///

DEAN It's Sam's thing, isn't it? You taking on his, uh, cage-match scars. I'm guessing that's what broke your bank, right?

CASTIEL Well, it took... everything to get me here.

DEAN What are you talking about, man?

This is VERY mysterious. Makes you think maybe there's more to Daphne, or more to Naomi journeying to Purgatory to get Cas back. That Cas is more important than he realizes?

///

CASTIEL Dean, I know you want different answers.

DEAN No, I want you to button up your coat and help us take down Leviathans. Do you remember what you did?

CASTIEL holds up the board game “Sorry!” He shakes it once and the board and pieces appear on the table, set up ready to play. CASTIEL sets the box aside.

CASTIEL Do you want to go first?

They're venting their frustration at each other through talking about other things and being indirect.

I think of the conversation about Adam & Michael from Season 15. They're both symbolically irritated with one another. Dean is seriously wounded: Bobby is dead, he almost lost Sam, and then he got Cas back and promptly lost him again right away. For a guy carrying around another guy's coat, Dean's definitely at sea.

Cas is essentially saying in code: YOU APOLOGIZE TO ME FIRST.

///

DEAN picks up a “Sorry!” card.

Dean's playing! Visually, he's sorry. We know he is because of how we saw him sing along to "I'm All Out of Love" by Air Supply. We saw the conversations between Bobby and Sam. We saw the coat Dean carried around. But Dean doesn't get his meaning across. He's too hurt.

///

CASTIEL You know, we weren't sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it. No offense, but I [DEAN moves a marker on the board] was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was... just amazing. It's in perfect tune [CASTIEL picks up a card] with the spheres. But in the end, it was you – the [CASTIEL moves a marker] homo sapiens sapiens. You guys ate the apple, invented pants.

Cas is distancing himself from humanity, putting Dean under a microscope and moving as FAR from him as possible.

We're not alike, angels and humans. I'm above you, away from you. It's a callback to all of Uriel's mud monkey insults, it's a callback to, "You're just a man."

///

DEAN Cas, where can we find this, uh, Metatron? Is he still alive?

CASTIEL I'm sorry. I – I think you have to go back to start.

DEAN moves a marker.

DEAN This is important.

CASTIEL motions for DEAN to pick up another card. DEAN does and moves another marker.

DEAN I think Metatron could stop a lot of bad. You understand that?

CASTIEL picks up another card.

CASTIEL We live in a "sorry" universe. It's engineered to create conflict. I mean, why should I prosper from... your misfortune? [CASTIEL puts down a marker and moves DEAN’s marker back to the start.] But these are the rules. I didn't make them.

Cas is giving into nihilism. Nothing matters. The universe sucks and is neverending conflict. Angels are angels and humans are humans.

Human suffer and angels hoard their souls as winter-food in Heaven, perhaps.

They are fundamentally incompatible. I didn't make the rules, Dean. The universe is harsh and unforgiving. I tried being God but there were stll unbendable rules I could not overcome.

///

DEAN You made some of them. When you tried to become God, when you cut that hole into that wall.

CASTIEL Dean... it's your move.

///

Cas ignores his role in any of it. Cas has completely withdrawn from life. From this entire game.

///

DEAN pounds a fist on the table and swipes the board to the floor.

DEAN Forget the damn game! Forget the game, Cas.

Dean hates the game, obviously. Chuck's stupid, stupid game. He wants to tear up the rulebook, still--NOT simply follow the honeybee into the garden and consider it complete. It's NOT complete, it's not laid out; it's worthy of rewriting. Dean still wants to rewrite the rules OF the game.

///

CASTIEL I'm sorry, Dean.

DEAN No. You're playing "Sorry!"

And he is. Cas is shunting all the responsibility to the nihilism and coldness of the universe, seeing himself as a cog prospering from the misfortune of others.

Furthermore: He denigrates humanity as nothing more than sets of monkeys that angels were "backing or not backing," like a GAME. That chasm between angel and human seems wide and uncrossable here.

Dean hates the inescapable game.

///

CASTIEL is picking up the game pieces. He stops and looks up.

DEAN What?

Yet, Cas resolves to KEEP PLAYING THE GAME, just as he does later in Golden Times.

15x06 >>> MELLY: Thing is, taking yourself out of the game doesn't really change the game CASTIEL: Yeah. If I stay, nothing changes. It's time for me to get back in the game.

[jezfletcher]

1000 Albums 2022: Albums #25-16

I'm a bit late in writing up my Top Albums this year, but it being the first day of 2023, I thought it's probably a good time to look back on the year that was in music, and start writing up my top albums. As has been the case since 2016 (wow, 7 years of this now), Sam and I have listened to over 1000 albums this year, and I've distilled the very best of 2022's music into just a top 25. For the stats-curious: we hit 1032 albums in total this year, of which 938 were actually released in 2022 (that's 91% brand new music). That added up to over 11,000 individual tracks, and almost 717 hours of unique music (that's about an entire month listening 24 hours a day). My Spotify Wrapped said I listened for more than twice this when you take into account relistening and so-on—so it's undoubtedly a big undertaking. In addition to our 2022 albums, we listened to 2 "throwback" albums from previous years each week, and managed complete retrospectives of four different artists' work. This year, the lucky artists were Van Dyke Parks (including the various albums for other artists that he produced and arranged for), Buffy Sainte-Marie, Tracy Chapman, and Blur. Of these, the absolute standout was Buffy Sainte-Marie, who was a revelation to me. For two sides of a fascinating artist, check out My Country Tis Of Thy People You're Dying, one of the best bist of protest folk I've ever heard, or the psychedelic folk rock of Sweet September Morning. Amazing stuff. Anyway, we're not really here to talk about that, but I can't resist putting a little call-out for Buffy. We're here to count down my Top Albums of 2022. I've gone fom 25 to 16 in this post. Tomorrow, I'll count down 15-5, leaving the top 5 for a big reveal in a few days. But lets get started...

25. Bitch - Bitchcraft (experimental queer pop)

Bitchcraft by Bitch

Kicking off the writeups this year we have this pot-pourri of experimental and less-experimental queer electropop from self-styled poet-witch Bitch. It has all the anarchy of true punk, laced with screaming electronic hooks and a consistent use of Bitch's iconic violin. But she also turns in soulful, melodic ballads like Another Wound, which may be the best piece of music on the album. It all makes for a rich and varied experience, always with a very unique and personally engaging world view. As an iconic song from the album though, which represents all the wonderful genre-smashing, I can't go past "Hello Meadow!". You'll like it if you want: Lindsey Stirling, only weirder, and queer rather than fundamentalist Christian.

24. Lack the Low - God-Carrier (avant-pop)

God-Carrier by Lack The Low

Björk had an excellent album this year; it ended up #34, so just missing out on a write-up. But instead we have Lack the Low, an Australian artist who obviously owes some inspiration to the darker parts of Björk's oeuvre. I heard the excellent The Sharpest Knife playing one Saturday morning on our local community radio station, and it immediately thrust God-Carrier on to my listen-list for the following week. She does wonderfully atmospheric electro-prog with a sense of build to her tracks that drives towards an often ecstatic, cathartic finish. While The Sharpest Knife was my introduction, I think the best track is the opener, Rushlight. You'll like it if you want: independent Aussie artists taking barbershop in strange new directions.

23. Kae Tempest - The Line Is A Curve (spoken-word poetry)

kaetempest · Priority Boredom

One of our finest modern poets, Kae Tempest brought back the punch of their spoken-word outings like Let Them Eat Chaos and Everybody Down, leaving behind what I found more introspective and downbeat in their previous 2019 album. This pushes Tempest back into the upper echelons of the year with The Line Is a Curve, another collab between Tempest's gripping delivery with Dan Carey's electronic production—together they provide one of the most potent electronic albums of the year, while Tempest proves once again why they are lyrically such a powerhouse. Hard to single out a track to represent the whole album—its potency comes from the accumulation of the whole—but I've shared here Priority Boredom which I feel is a fabulous entry to the album. You'll like it if you like: contemporary spoken-word poetry or modern electronica. You'll love it if you like: both of the above.

22. Murder By Death - Spell/Bound (gothic country)

Spell/Bound by Murder By Death

Atmospheric indie rock by way of That Haunted Gorge Where All Those Cowboys All Mysteriously Disappeared Exactly 10 Years Ago Tonight, Murder By Death provide a wonderfully dark take on modern Americana. This is all about creating a mood with their sophisticated rock, lashed with country elements. It's music for driving at night through West Texas, or for that hipster bar in Asheville that hasn't quite shaken off its bluegrass roots entirely. This is an album I could absolutely listen to end-to-end and consider it a singular experience. It's hard to single out something again—this is about the whole journey, not the sights along the way—but I'll go with Never Be which I think is possibly the most accessible, even if it's not that emblematic of the whole album. You'll like it if you like: country, but only kinda secretly.

21. Telenova - Stained Glass Love (indie pop)

Stained Glass Love by Telenova

Easily my highest-rated EP of the year, this 5-track outing gets a big boost from having a Track of the Week for the title track, and then following it up with another a few weeks later when we heard the full EP, this time for Silver Lining, which is a wonderfully melancholy bit of downtempo pop that shifts its way through various harmonic peculiarities. As always when this kind of jewel-studded EP appears, you fear that it's just the precursor to a bigger debut album which will seem less novel when it's just "this EP stretched out to 45m long". But presuming that this is a stand-alone, it's a great one. I've highlighted the title track here, but you can spare the 21m to listen to the whole thing. You'll like it if you like: anything of modern indie pop, or 90s downtempo

20. Mice Parade - lapopọ (post shoegaze)

lapapọ by Mice Parade

I came across Mice Parade for the first time at the 2008 Sydney Festival, where I completely eschewed their show, but was waiting outside the Spiegeltent waiting a different performance while they were on inside. I was rapt by their fascinating blend of dreamy shoegaze and complex polyrhythms, even if the sound was muted by the canvas between me and them. Fortunately, since then, while I've not managed to catch them live, I've fallen in love with their albums, and their latest might be their best. It has the same hypnotic drawl of Adam Pierce's vocals (an anagram of "Mice Parade", you'll note), with fluid motivic guitar riffs and multi-layered drum-patterns. This is an album that builds up over time, but I have to call out Eisa Dancers which starts with this ethereal riff (possibly on hammered dulcimer, or on a koto) and builds waves, wending in and out of the dream-like otherworldiness. You'll like it if you like: a novel take on jangly indie rock.

19. Keston Cobblers Club - Alchemy (twee folk)

I've recently very much become attached to the music reviews site At The Barrier, which does a great job of unearthing music that I find nowhere else—they also have a particular focus on various kinds of folk, and this is one of those albums this year which comes solely from ATB. It's an eclectic album, jumping between variations of folk pop, switching out singers and showing off their multi-instrumental prowess. I could call out quite a few song here—Jupiter has a wonderful expansive space-folk sound (is that a thing? it should be), Rigmarole brings in tuba and accordion for a kind of indie-trad sound, Tarantula has a musical theatricality to it to bring the album home. I might just go with one of the early tracks Find My Way, which sits a little more in the centre of everything. You'll like it if: you're not afraid of a bit of a trad folk sound, but still enjoy pop songwriting.

18. Frank Turner - FTHC (alt punk)

Frank Turner is a little hard to classify, because he definitely comes from a punk background, but now turns to a kind of raucous singalong pub rock—he can also pull together a genuinely excellent bit of pop like his satirical Make America Great Again from 2018. Here, he's in more of a heavier, angrier, shoutier style for the most part, even when he sticks with pop tropes like in Haven't Been Doing So Well, or the show-ending Farewell To My City. The standout track for me here though is the wonderful Miranda, a story about reconciling with his father after she came out as trans. You'll like it if you like: hard indie rock, or punk with a soft heart.

17. bis - Systems Music for Home Defence (electropunk)

Systems Music For Home Defence by bis

A great collection of eclectic, shouty electropop that takes the kind of 80s sound back to its post-punk root, and is willing to have fun along with way. I love music that doesn't take itself too seriously (my common refrain is that you should be able to tell that the band is having fun), and this has this feeling all over it. Bis has only released about an album every 5 years or so since 2000, although they've been around since the mid-90s (and broken up then reformed at least once), and you can feel like they're pretty happy just doing what they want—nothing is forced in this album. They've got nothing to prove, and they can do the things that work for them. My pick here is the opening track Lucky Night, which has a pointed satire to it, as well as a super-catchy indie pop sound. You'll like it if you like: 00s electropunk, after big beat went off in a weird direction.

16. Death's Dynamic Shroud - Darklife (slushwave)

Darklife by death's dynamic shroud

This is a bit of a monster, both in terms of its length, and its aggressive, spiky electronica. It takes some of the massive symphonic sound of someone like Roly Porter, but adds synthpop elements, along with the kind of knowing deconstruction of hyperpop. I relistened to this on a drive between Sydney and Canberra and I realised that I'd probably massively underrated it earlier in the year (even though it won my Album of the Week the week it was released). But it's an album that you really need to experience in its entirety to get its full impact. That being said, there's a nice sample of the whole in the epic, progressive Messe de E-102, which gets my nod here. You'll like it if you like: Wagner

[blindswandive]

Belatedly: Bones, bones, bones

With Masquerade on the way again (OMG OMG OMG IT'S BACK IT'S BACK) I thought to check and see just how far behind I am at sharing previous rounds of porn and bangs and it turns out I am The Fuck Behind.

So here is something I am quite proud of that was a gift for @monicawoe at Christmas in... 2020. o_o At some point I'll maybe add more blood dripping and, y'know, shading, but I'm awfully proud of all the pointy bones as it is.

For process and headcanons check below <3

Process/headcanons/ideas on the throne (C&P'd from commenting on LiveJournal in 2020): Okay SO. The throne. I remembered Monica's prompts here and in AntiXmas about Sam meeting other Sams and also the throne of Hell shaping itself for the new king. The longer I worked on the bones, the more I thought about the sizes of the bones and judged them against Sam and whether some would be a little big even for him, or would be small as from a child or teen, and the more I thought about the source of the bones. I wrote a non-con porn this summer which I know wouldn't be up Moni's alley, but the pre-porn part had Dean in hell cataloguing all the time he'd spent with his own removed bones (before Sam shows up and they just. Take over. <3 ). So I thought maybe part of taking the throne would be building the throne - either the throne builds itself from the tribute pieces brought by the prospective King or a silent thronemaker does as the pieces arrive, and you won't know it's done until it decides it's done. There are about thirteen bodies here, and I thought either: 1) these are various Sams either from different eras or different worlds, possibly including young Sams, who the BoyKing has had to take apart (not sure if it's Sams that exist out in life or Sams produced by Hell) as part of the process of his Becoming and the throne's Becoming, or 2) because Hell puts you back together post destruction, he's taken the bones piece by piece out of his own body. Or some of each. (He or Dean or the thronemaker can shape the bones as needed, as with the fibulae becoming sharpened spikes.) Of course building it from the bones of non-Sams conquered would work too but I kinda loved the self-version. Making his power from his own self and his own sacrifice, and in a way that's appropriately destructive and terrible and torturous for, well, Hell.

All that of course would mean the throw he's on is also leather from his skin, dyed with his blood, as is the cushion (stuffed with hair??). Whether that's his own blood he's drinking, too, or what he's taken in tribute from demon minions, his brother, or demons he's destroyed, I'm not sure.

I feel like the yellow stones in the goblet that match his eyes are important to all this too. Perhaps the throne or thronemaker can turn eyes into precious stones?

Basically, if I weren't already braindead and late, there'd have been at least a ficlet for this. 

(Fun fact: All the bones are modeled on real human bones and I know which each piece of the throne is.  Also, there are approximately thirteen skeletons represented here, though not all pieces are used from each and some have been carved and shaped.)

More process:  When I got Moni's signup asking for no porn, I panicked.  Naturally there is a ton of id overlap and clearly I am happy to make non-porn, but I initially pulled one giant blank; my sense of identity of self as porn-creator is apparently stronger than I realized.  But Sam drinking demon blood is one of my favorite ever things and plenty pornographic, so I got really excited about that.  

It wound up leaving me rushing to finish all of the bones last minute (okay last several hours) but I did my posing and likeness from scratch, without tracing, the modeling program I usually use, reference photos, etc.  Well--not entirely true, I was partway into the pose and the wonderful @amber sent me a great reference from the Sims of a guy lounging on a chair one leg up that was super useful for finishing out posing him.  I got very kind and encouraging betas from both amberdreams and @quickreaver who held my hand and helped with the panic that kept flaring up.  Turns out when you're already indecisive, this year and a free hand makes decisions, uh, impossible? ^_^; So their patience and encouragement I was on the right track was huge.

Digital format meant I was very lucky and could mirror while I was working on the throne, copy chunks, layer in ways that made erasing conflicting lines easier, etc.  I love the tablet so much, y'all, I can't even say.

What else... ah, we'll call that enough for now.

Feedback is love! <3

[quillquiver]

kay so if that prequel script was real - and i would not be surprised if it was - not only is this piece of media not getting my money but boy howdy i’m gonna clown the hell out of it. instead of recreating the beats of good old spn, i beg literally anyone in production to consider:

centring the narrative around mary 

imagine mary totally rejecting the life she idolized as a kid because her daddy was her hero

by the time she meets john she wants nothing to do with hunting and she’s done with violence

she has a band of hunter friends she still kind of sees/keeps in touch with

the fact that pretty much all of her friends (carlos, latika, ada) are in hunting or are connected to hunting is a major internal conflict for her all season

she meets john. she thinks he’s cute at first, they flirt at a diner, whatever

they’re talking and it turns to politics; he tells her he lied to enlist at 17 and has been honourably discharged for blahblah military reasons. he is a USA simp, which ties into his own daddy issues that mostly have to do with feeling abandoned by his own father

this guy represents literally everything mary despises, because SURPRISE she is anti-war and anti-violence when she can help it

still they both have daddy issues so that’s something, but she’s not gonna see him again. thing is, he just keeps... being around

the first half of the season is mary trying to juggle the fact that she’s “out” of the life now, while also trying and failing to figure out if john winchester is a stalker/monster who is stalking her

meanwhile, john sees mary everywhere and /he’s/ convinced she’s interested - but after a couple blowouts, he pretty much wants nothing to do with her because he has wounded man-pride

the mid-season finale ends with mary realizing: nah, john is not a stalker, and over the course of this little weird back-and-forth they’ve been having there are parts of him that are... not awful. after mary gives him this speech about fate or whatever, john agrees to one date (despite his best efforts he thinks she’s really cute, and he likes that she’s so straightforward). they actually have a pretty good time.  

at this point, they’re both kind of in it for different reasons, but none are really romance: sure, they like each other more every day, but they’re really kind of trying to prove to themselves and their respective fathers that they can have the apple pie life 

the rest of the season is mary trying to protect john from the life

they go on a date and she has to covertly kill a poltergeist or a ghost or a werewolf

john meets all mary’s friends and the entire night is an exercise is “how much info is too much”

and every sunday night john goes to his mom’s and passes a bookshelf with a truly insane variety of occult books

as the season progresses, they fall more and more in love and the lighting becomes more gold/peach. during that time, there are weird narrative inconsistencies and retcons. “nah, it was love at first sight,” etc.

during the last two eps, the characters that had been fully fleshed out earlier in the season just feel totally flat

like every good romcom, this one ends with a wedding, but the camera is close up on the two of them only. we don’t hear about or see any guests, including their friends and parents

the season ends like a record scratch at the wedding. cut to the camera on dean in a really nice house with a white picket fence. he looks at miracle and frowns. starts looking through a bunch of papers at his desk. we see paper with bits of the john and mary story, but also with stuff from the og spn. these papers all have red marks all over them, and dean snatches two up and bolts

we see him knock on the door of another house and sam answers, smiling. “hey, dean, what’s up?”

and dean shoves the two papers in his hands and nods once, quickly, before leaving. sam frowns and looks at them, we pan down with him, not quick enough to read, but linger at the last bit written in red pen:

“poughkeepsie”

[saturn-in-autumn]

BRO your art and writing are both so good ajsbsjjs can I request a danny reveal to valerie? I would assume this would be a small drabble prompt but I'll let you choose how to do it and if you even want to do it in the first place whoops

ASDFGJHJK Thank you so much! 

Omg, first off I am SO SO Sorry this took me so long to get back to you! It’s actually so bad... But I finally finished your request!! It took me a while to figure out how to phrase everything and get my head around it but I ended up getting a little carried away in the end, I’m sorry... 

So here it is I suppose! I’ve also posted it to Ao3 here if you’d like to have a look, but it’s also under the cut if you want to read it on here! 

Thank you so much for your patience, I only hope it was kind of worth it? Idk. I ended up writing a short story/one shot rather than a drabble haha, I just didn’t expect it to get so long!  And thanks for the request idea! 

- Fire and Water -

Valerie sometimes thought Danny was like water.

He was so perfectly clear somehow, an undisturbed lake shining in the moonlight. His iridescent blue eyes sometimes felt like they could see right through her, somehow sense exactly how she was feeling, understand her deepest secrets.

That eerie calmness rippled and cascaded through him, so clear and tranquil, yet so incredibly dangerous.

He had a depth that terrified her to no end, a feeling that if she dove down too deep he would overflow, drown her with his power. As if his little lake held all the fierce might of the sea.

(In which Danny has a secret to tell Valerie, but doesn't quite know how to go about it)

“Ugh, what am I supposed to do Tuck?” Danny groaned, resting his head on his elbows in the grimy corner booth.

Tucker shrugged, patting his back awkwardly in what he hoped was a comforting manner. “I don’t know man, I don’t have a murderous ghost-hunter for a girlfriend.”

Danny sighed, looking forlornly across the crowded restaurant of the Nasty Burger. Valerie was still standing by the till, laughing with some customer as she took their order. She was gorgeous even in the grease-stained yellow of the fast food uniform. Silently Danny watched as she tucked a stray strand of dark hair out of her eyes and looked away. He was such a loser.

“Hey… but then again, it’s not really our decision to make.” Sam’s voice cut through Danny’s musings and he looked up at her dolefully. “Whether or not you want to share it with her is up to you.” She took another slurp of her slushie and frowned. “I thought you had sworn not to. Why the sudden change?”

Danny looked away, straightening to peer out the window at the passers-by on the street. “I don’t know… I just feel… like it’s wrong to keep lying to her is all…” Danny could feel Sam and Tucker’s eyes on him as he sighed again, “Look, we’ve been going out for almost a year… That’s, like more than I’ve ever been in a relationship my whole life! Plus, even if she doesn’t know it, I know her secret, but she doesn’t know mine, I can’t help feeling like I’m cheating on her or something weird like that…”

“Danny…” Sam started but he continued.

“But at the same time, I’m terrified that if she finds out she’ll hate me y’know? Like… I don’t want to lose her in the process…”

“Look Danny, as the current female representative at the table.” Sam said, placing her drink firmly on the table to look at him in the eyes, “I can safely say that telling the truth is probably your best option. If she finds out and it’s not from you, it’ll probably hurt her a lot more than just coming clean.”  

Tucker nodded, “You know, Sam’s right, if you really care about her what’s the worst that could happen?”

“The worst is that she’ll shoot an ecto-blast through my chest faster than I can say ‘Sorry’.” Danny moaned. “Or she’ll tell my parents or something… Then I’d really be dead meat.”

“And the best-case scenario is that she doesn’t mind.” Sam said with an eyebrow raised. “I’m sorry Danny, but if you guys really care about each other then keeping secrets probably shouldn’t be on the table. Valerie has a right to know if you’re hiding things from her, chances are she’ll figure it out sooner or later. Her aim’s getting better by the day.”

Danny winced, rubbing his upper forearm where the burn mark still stung.

Sam’s eyes softened and she reached over, taking his hand gently, “Danny I honestly think that anyone who knows you, the real you, won’t hate you no matter what you are. The real test is whether or not you think you can trust her enough to tell her and get away with it. She’s still the Red Huntress after all. I wouldn’t take this decision lightly.”

Danny nodded but smiled. “Would you guys mind though?”

Tucker blinked, “Dude, we’re your friends. If you want to date the most dangerous ghost-hunter in Amity Park we have your back. As Sam said, it’s you’re secret to share with whoever you want.”

Danny closed his eyes and stared at the ceiling, “Thanks guys…” he mumbled, glancing over to where Valerie was once again. It looks like she was packing up. “I think I’ll try and tell her tonight…”

At that Tucker’s eyes widened, “Wait, really? Like you don’t want to think about this a little more before you run in guns blazing?”

Danny blinked at him, “Well, I know it’s a little brash sure, but the sooner I do it the sooner I can sleep easy right? Whether she hates me or not I’ll at least know.”

Sam sat back, “You heard the man Tuck, if he’s stubborn enough he’ll do it.”

“Hey!” Danny said, sounding offended, “Okay maybe I’m not 100% on it, but I’ll feel better if I’m not lying to her. Besides…” He smiled slightly, “We’d kinda already had a date planned for tonight. I might as well make use of it…”

As if on cue Valerie walked over, she’d thrown a dark green jacket over the orange of her uniform that perfectly complimented her eyes. “Hey!” she said, arm raised and smiling, “You ready to go?”

“You bet!” Danny laughed, sliding past Tucker and leaving his money on the tray, “I’ll… talk to you guys later then?” He offered and Sam winked.

“Go get em’ tiger.”

Danny grinned, giving Valerie a quick peck on the cheek and the thumbs up to Tucker before the two of them walked out of the restaurant.

***

When they were gone Sam’s lips quirked into a smile, “He’s gonna die.” She chuckled, taking another slurp of her drink as she sat back in the booth.

“Wait what?” Tucker asked swinging his saucepan-sized eyes to her in disbelief, “What was all that about ‘accepting who you are’ then?”

Sam eyed him across the table, “You kidding? Valerie’s gonna stomp his heart into pieces with five-inch high stilettos, but even then, I doubt she’ll hate him for it.”

Tucker sighed and took another bite of his burger, “I don’t know. It’s just odd he has this sudden conviction to tell her everything. It’s a pretty big deal is all.”

Sam shrugged, “Yeah, but then again I guess it’s just a sign of how much she means to him. After all, he told us pretty soon after it y’know… happened…”

“Yeah but that’s different, we’re his best friends and you’re one of the main reasons he got his ghost powers in the first place. Plus, Valerie hated his guts on principle back then because she was still with the A-Listers… now she just hates him for different reasons…”

She scowled at him, but nodded, “Well then fine. Maybe he just wants to take their relationship up a notch. I don’t know why you’re having such a hard time with this Tucker, if Danny wants to go blabbering about his powers to people, he has his reasons for it. Despite appearances he’s not that much of an idiot to get caught by his parents or the GIW.”

“I know it’s just…”

“Ohhh,” Sam grinned, cutting Tucker off with a shit-eating grin. “Oh, I see, you’re jealous.”

“What!” Tucker shrieked, “Am not!”

“You’re jealous that Danny is opting to bring someone else in on the team, this was the same thing with Jazz! You’re too proud to admit that you like being a sidekick.”

“What!? Never. I’m Danny’s guy-in-the-chair! His wingman! His Q to his 007! It’s not like Valerie could—”

“Oh yeah totally, the Red Huntress with an arsenal of weapons and ghost-hunting experience would never take Tucker Foley’s precious slot as the guy-in-the-chair.”

“Fuck’s sake Sam.” Tucker spat, “I’m not jealous, and fine then, I don’t care who the hell Danny goes and talks to. Are you happy?”

“Ecstatically.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me yourself coward.”

“I hate you so much…”

“I know. So… you down for Doomed later?”

He shrugged, standing up and throwing a few notes on the table, “Sure. I’ll catch you around 9.”

***

Danny hadn’t planned for this at all.

He mentally slapped himself as he and Valerie walked to the movie theatre, absentmindedly chatting as best he could about her day. The street was almost deserted at this time in the afternoon, couples walking to and from places, laughing as they held hands. Danny smiled. They were all so… alive.

Valerie said something and Danny watched her out of the corner of his eye. Her breath clouding in front of her face before hugging her jacket closer to her body and cupping frozen hands around a fresh cup of coffee to keep warm.

Amity Park in autumn was both beautiful and freezing with the golden brown and red of leaves staining the paths and parks like wounded soldiers on the fields of battle.

He would have shivered if he could.

As it was Danny looked away, the cold didn’t really seem to affect him in the same way anymore. A pang of guilt struck his chest as Valerie laughed at something, she sounded so happy. If only she knew who she was walking with…

After the movie, he vowed, after the movie I’ll tell her. She deserves to know.

“Hey! Are you even paying attention?” She asked and he blinked, startled out of his musings.

“Uh yeah, sure… what did you say again?”

She sighed throwing her hands up in exasperation, “Honestly, you can be so… distant sometimes. What the heck goes through your head anyways? Stuck in the stars again NASA boy?”

Danny laughed, “I guess you could say that…” Was he really that obvious?

“Well, I asked, what do you want to see?”

“Oh right!” Gazing up at the selection he paused, “I…” he bit his lip, his mind going blank, it didn’t feel right to choose… “I don’t mind, how about you pick?”

She looked at him sideways, “Man you’re acting jumpy today.” A gleam caught in her eye and Danny gulped, “How about a horror?”

“Uh well… if that’s…” Danny stumbled over his words.

“Great! Glad that’s decided. I want to get really scared tonight, two tickets to your most horrifying film my good sir!” She chimed to the guy behind the counter.

The guy looked them up and down but shrugged, “Cinema 5, have fun.”

***

Danny wasn’t really paying attention through the film.

Guilt was eating away at him, gnawing at the edges of his subconscious as Valerie laughed and jumped at the loud noises and crappy special effects that Hollywood perceived ghosts to be. Danny smiled absently, they really had no clue how wrong they were compared to the real thing.

She held his hand in the gentle darkness of the cinema, and Danny couldn’t help but look at her in the faint light from the screen. Her green eyes glistened with excitement and curiosity, taking in all she saw with such conviction.

He smiled, she was light, warm and comforting. Even as she gripped his ice-cold skin Danny couldn’t help but admire her. She laughed when she felt like it, got angry when she felt like it, smiled and danced in her own brilliant warmth. Danny’s eyes softened as he leaned into her touch, savouring this moment. Feeling her heartbeat through her skin.

She was dazzling.

Danny pulled away slightly, his eyes narrowing, but she was like fire to his ice. She melted him in ways she could never understand, but he was sure, he was frighteningly sure he was going to burn her irreversibly in the end.

But if that’s the way it had to be, then so be it.

“Hey Val?” He mumbled, leaning further into her shoulder in the gloom of the theatre, feeling her warmth against his cheek. She stopped gazing at the screen and turned to him, her eyes still dancing in that dull luminosity. Danny sighed, letting his dark hair fall into his eyes so she couldn’t see that he was on the verge of tears. “I’ve been… keeping something from you. For a long time now… I just… don’t know how to say it…”

He felt her shift under his weight, and he pulled away, looking in the opposite direction. She was looking at him, he could feel her green eyes taking him in and he felt his heart panged with annoyance. Annoyance at himself, at how weak he was.

“Danny…” Valerie started, and he looked at her, she was smiling softly in the light, “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anythi—”

“No, you deserve to know. But… maybe in a bit if that’s alright?” He grit his teeth and looked back up at the screen as the final scene began, he smiled sadly locking eyes with her. “I just… want this moment to last a little longer is all…”

***

Valerie sometimes thought Danny was like water.

He was so perfectly clear somehow, like an undisturbed lake shining in the moonlight. His iridescent blue eyes sometimes felt like they could see right through her, somehow sense exactly how she was feeling, understand her deepest secrets.

It was awe inspiring. Like Danny knew exactly where she went when she snuck out of class, knew her connection to ghosts and the other shadows of Amity Park. Knew who she really was.

But he never seemed to care. It was why, she supposed, she was so drawn to him in the first place. The eerie calmness that rippled and cascaded through him, so clear and tranquil, yet dangerously so. Pooling with something else.

A darkness. A depth that terrified her to no end, a feeling that if she dove too deep he would overflow, drown her with his power. As if his little lake held all the fierce might of the sea.

Why did that feeling surface now? That dread that crashed against the shoreline of her heart. Breaking the tension as Danny lead her out of the theatre and into the cool night air. What was this in her chest that felt like the pressure of being unable to breathe?

He laughed at something and Valerie felt a shift in the atmosphere as she looked at him in the light of the street, his blue eyes reflecting something she couldn’t see. Something beyond where they stood outside a bustling theatre.

“I want to show you something,” Danny said, there was a kind of relief to his words, like he’d been daring himself to say them. “But not here.”

He glanced at her and she felt that terrible drowning sense in her chest again as his clear-blue eyes softened in the moonlight. He looked… so sad, like this was somehow the last time she’d ever see him.

Danny stayed silent as they walked, weaving in and around the humdrum of pedestrians and life that flittered around them like moths to a flame.

She let him pull her along, feeling the familiar chill that buzzed between her fingertips of his skin brushing hers. He was so cold, so frozen in time. It gripped at her.

It was only now that she started to watch him in comparison to the people on the street. In his dark, navy jacket and worn jeans he stood out and blended in at the same time. Like he wasn’t meant to be there and was there all at once. It seemed unnatural somehow…

She shook her head, following him across the street to the park, letting the dull glow of the stars guide them along the cracked paths.

What was it he wanted to show her? And why did it feel like an ending and a beginning all at once? Her curiosity ate at her but if Danny was willing to show her, she would be patient.

The park seemed twisted at night time. The trees warped somehow in the dark, green grass glowing blue in the silver light of the moon.

Danny looked around and hurried on, pulling her up the hill to where a small crop of trees nestled between the undergrowth. There was no one around for miles but Danny seemed extra cautious, double and triple checking their surroundings to make sure they weren’t being followed.

“Danny, you’re scaring me you know that.” Valerie finally said, breaking the silence that had hung over them for so long.

He chuckled softly and came to sit next to her, looking out at the twinkling lights of the city spread out below them like a map. A perfect mirror for the stars above.

The throb of life buzzed about them, the shrieking of tyres, the chink of glasses and the laughter of people. The metropolis was a beating heart but here in this secluded tower, they watched it all in silence.

“I’m so sorry Val…” Danny finally said, and she looked at him as he laid back, staring upwards towards the sky. “I feel like I’ve been lying to you, from the very beginning.”

She wanted to interrupt, wanted to tell him what a mysterious jerk he was being and just to cut to the chase, but she said nothing, too entranced by the wandering lights that reflected in his irises.

“The truth is, that I…” Danny’s expression changed slightly, and his teeth gritted together. Whatever it was that he was trying to say to her, Valerie knew that it was probably something major.

“Danny… you don’t—”

“No, I do.” He said, pulling an arm across his eyes so that she couldn’t see him. “I have to tell you; cause otherwise you’re just going to find out from someone else and then I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

He sat up and turned to her, his dark hair framing his face as he gripped her shoulders. Her heart fluttered slightly in her chest; he was crying.

She watched as that perfectly clear water fell from his eyes, carving rivers in his pale skin. She felt something press against her lungs, that fear of drowning, and she opened her mouth to speak.

“I—”

“I love you…” Danny said, cutting her off, his head bowing as she blinked at his words, numbly they settled on her like falling snow as she felt her heart lighten. “I love you so much… That’s why it’s not fair to keep hiding myself, the real me, from you any longer.”

“Danny I—”

“No, Val, please, let me finish.” Danny looked at her and she felt a pang of guilt cross her chest. He smiled, such a sad smile, as he continued. “Val, I love you. I didn’t think I would fall for someone so hard as I do for you… you’re incredible you know that? You’re so strong and dazzling to look at it hurts my eyes.”

She felt her eyes widen but he continued, “Ever since I met you, you’ve shown me time and time again how great you really are. And quite frankly, I don’t think I deserve you. But I wanted to tell you that I love you. Let you know how much you truly mean to me so that you don’t lose sight of who I am.”

Danny looked at her, “I’m an idiot you know that? I’m such a complete and utter loser that I take so much of what I have for granted. Sam and Tucker have always told me so and that’s why I want to stop hiding from you Valerie. Because I care too much for you to continue acting, continue pretending that I’m alright.”

Danny began to shake as he spoke and she shifted closer to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him in close to her as a smile lifted her face. “Hey. Look at me,” he lifted his eyes to hers and Valerie smiled, “You know, if you’re scared to tell me you don’t have to Danny. Cause…” She felt light, “Because I love you too.”

He blinked at her and smiled, “I was afraid of that…”

She laughed, “Oh yeah and why’s that wisecrack?”

He smiled but didn’t laugh. “Because of who… no that’s not right… because of what I am Val.”

She stopped laughing, he was dead serious, she gripped her chest, that tightness was suffocating now. The fun-loving idiot she had fallen for seemed to melt off him as his eyes narrowed, turning to her fully to look at her dead in the eyes. “Val, I don’t want you to think any less of me, I really and truly want us to continue being close, I want to hold your hand and laugh, go see movies and continue living like this with you for the rest of my life…”

Wait. What was he saying? What did he mean by…

“But, Valerie Grey. I can’t keep hiding forever. I brought you here tonight to tell you something about myself that I can’t share lightly with anyone. But you have to promise to trust me, promise me Val. Please promise me that you won’t think any less of me for it and that you won’t tell anyone else... please this is important.”

She felt the pressure in her lungs choking her now, but she nodded, why was she so scared? So utterly terrified that she might lose him? “I promise. I promise, whatever you want to tell me it’s okay Danny. It’s okay, you can tell me…”

Danny smiled and nodded, his shoulder’s sagging as he did so as if all the tension released from him in one motion. Like he had been waiting his whole life to hear those words. “Val… I…maybe it’s easier if I show you instead?”

She blinked but nodded, allowing him to let go of her as she sat back.

Danny looked at her, she was so perfect, sitting there patiently waiting for him to show her what he meant. He closed his eyes and looked to the stars, here goes nothing…

“Val, I’m so sorry…” he whispered, and triggered his transformation.

Valerie watched in mild horror as the light sparked around his mid-section, twin-rings expanding at his waist.

Wait what?

They broke and spilt, traveling over his body slowly as he stood there, changing him.

What’s happening?

Danny sighed at the feeling of relief, the cool sensation of weightlessness taking hold as the rings reached the base of his neck with a rush of adrenaline.

Valerie felt her hands fly to mouth to cover the shriek of shock as Phantom touched down lightly in front of her. His skin glowing in the eclipse of the moon, the black jumpsuit replacing the familiar jeans and jacket Valerie knew so well…

She stumbled, her mind racing a marathon as her heart banged so hard against her chest, she swore it was audible. No. No this couldn’t be right… Danny was… Danny was?

He looked at her with that same sad smile and she allowed herself to gasp. The clear blue of his eyes now glimmering green like emeralds against the sky.

He sunk to his knees and looked away; he’d ruined it hadn’t he? The curling white of his hair intermingling with the evening breeze. Looking down almost resentfully at the snow-white gloves that adorned his hands. “I’m so sorry…” His voice echoed across the space between them and Valerie inadvertently shivered. “I’m so sorry Val…”

Valerie just sat there, staring blankly at the scene in front of her as Phantom… no Danny, hung his head in his hands. She reached out, but paused, no this couldn’t be right… This was all a big misunderstanding, right? A joke?

She pulled her hand back, cupping it against her chest. But it felt so real, so obvious that she mentally cursed herself for being so stupid.

Danny Fenton, Danny Phantom, he’d barely even changed his name. She blinked, observing the shape of his face, the style of his hair, it was all the same, all exactly the same… But even then… Danny couldn’t be a ghost! Surely not… surely… and of all ghosts Phantom? The town hero? Her ultimate enemy? It couldn’t possibly be real; this couldn’t possibly be happening right now…

“You’re probably wondering what happened right?” Valerie snapped her attention towards him as he laughed dryly, the sound was grating, so completely alien to her, “That’s usually the first question I get asked…”

She nodded, she felt so numb.

“It was the Fenton Portal.” He smiled, the white of his hair playing on the breeze like snow, “Mum and Dad couldn’t get it working so I thought it was safe enough to look inside… I… it turned on while I was in there…”

Valerie shuddered, phantom screams of Danny being electrocuted rattling her skull as if she’d been there herself. That was how he’d died? Screaming and alone?

“I’m so sorry Val…” He said again, looking at her, she jolted at the green of his eyes, but he continued, “I’m so sorry you had to find out, but I couldn’t lie to you forever. I just couldn’t keep pretending it was all fine considering our… history…”

A sharp pain rippled through her heart as she realised that he did know. Of course he did. Phantom had known she was the Red Huntress from the beginning, and yet even after every fight they’d had, every insult and curse she’d flung his way… Danny still continued loving her, being around her even then. Even then…

She felt cheated slightly, like he’d known her deepest secret for so long that it wasn’t fair she didn’t know his in return. But she stopped, hadn’t that been the point though? What would she have done if she’d known earlier? What good would it have done to know?

She reached for him cautiously and he flinched as she touched his shoulder. He was so cold, so incredibly cold but she gripped him, feeling the static of ectoplasm under her fingertips as she turned him to her.

His eyes were wide, but she smiled slightly, pulling him down into her, drawing him into a hug.

He was like ice against her, buzzing with electricity and energy that was the only way he could survive. “You’re so stupid you know that?” She felt him twitch slightly against her but she smiled, “I can’t imagine what it was like… what you must go through every day Danny… knowing that there is this side to you that you can’t share with anyone…”

“You’re not scared? Or angry? You don’t hate me, do you?” He sounded so timid, like a frightened child.

She thought about it, sure, she was certainly angry. But not as much as she’d expected, she laughed slightly, she hadn’t planned on this when she finally had Phantom in her grasp.

“Danny… I… don’t think I do… You never told me the truth because I never gave you a reason for it. I was so completely bent on destroying you that I don’t know… I lost sight on what I was fighting… but I’m glad you waited until now to tell me…”

He pulled back from her slightly so she could see his face, “You mean that?”

She nodded, “If I had found out earlier, I might have blasted you to bits. But as it stands… I’m…” she grinned, “I’m really glad I got to know you, Danny Fenton.”

He blinked at her reaction, pulling back further so that they were at eye level. “I…” he started but she pushed a finger to his lips.

“Let me finish loverboy. I believed ghosts were… well monsters. Bent on destroying this world and everyone in it, senseless and unstoppable monsters and nothing more… I never let my guard down, never let anyone see me weak. Until you Danny. I let you in and now, you’ve let me in. And that means so much more than I think you realise. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty shocked, and it’s gonna take me a week to digest all of this… but I love you Danny. You, no matter what you are.”

His eyes widened and he laughed, the familiar sound tinkling against her making her smile.

Valerie didn’t exactly know how she found himself in the position she was in next, but all she felt was the soft press of lips against hers and she wrapped her arms tightly around Danny, feeling light as air. She slipped her hands from his waist to over his shoulders, pushing in for the kiss. Danny felt like his world had exploded into stars, she tasted like strawberries and sunlight mixed together in utter happiness. And Valerie smiled against him, he tasted like static but she didn’t care. Danny could’ve stayed like that forever, and he probably would’ve if Valerie didn’t slip her hands off of him and gently push away.

She smiled, the heavy fear had lifted from her chest and she sighed as it dispersed. The clear water moving in it’s wake.

“So what do we do now?” She asked and Danny blinked, smiling softly as he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

He looked to the stars, feeling lighter than ever, “I don’t know.”

“Well, Phantom, how about a truce to begin with.” She winked and Danny laughed, getting to his feet he took her hand and pulled her up with him.

“My my, the Red Huntress herself is offering a ceasefire? I never thought I’d see the day!”

“Oh hush, I can still shoot you.”

He gulped but nodded, a bright smile lighting up his face as he began to float slightly off the ground.

“Not for nothing,” she murmured, eying the space between his feet and the ground warily, “But how about you… uh… what’s the word you use? Switch back? Cause if you walk me home in that state, I think my dad’s gonna have to bring out a little heavier an artillery than a shotgun.”

Danny nodded, touching down without a word, feeling the rings of light split around his waist again as the world held weight once more.

Valerie gasped as Phantom fell away but regained her composure, “Somehow I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that…” she muttered, and he laughed, his blue eyes sparkling.

“Val… I’m… I’m really happy with how tonight went…” Danny grinned as they walked back towards the path, “But you’re sure that you’re okay with this whole… me being Phantom thing?”

She hummed in thought but nodded, “Yeah, but you’re going to have to answer a bunch of questions I have about yourself and the other ghosts. Plus,” she winked at him, “I still expect to be able to fight. Treat me as an equal ghost boy, I refuse to be your sidekick.”

Danny laughed but waved a hand, “Oh don’t worry, I think Tucker wouldn’t talk to me again if I let you have that role.”

“Then that’s settled then… shall we—”

Danny’s breath misted in front of his face and Valerie stiffened as a wave of static swept the park. “Oh no,” she mumbled, a sensor beeping quietly on her watch as she reached for her backpack, flicking the switch on the underside.

He speeder hit the ground and Valerie’s eyes narrowed as she pulled down her hood, snapping the butt of her ecto-gun against her palm as she whirled to Danny.

He was already in fighting mode, the human boy she’d fallen for melting away as the half-ghost hero Phantom stood by her side. Just as a massive, bloated figure rounded the corner ahead of them.

She looked at him a smile playing on her lips, “You ready ghost boy?”

He grinned, “You bet, partner.”

[tarithenurse]

Agent of Hope - 15

Your world falls into ruin together with the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcements Logistics Division when you find out that your boyfriend isn’t one of the good guys. Pairing: (Brock Rumlow x fem!reader), Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader Contents: Dealing with trauma. Plotting. Hope. Hate. Angst. Fluff. A bit of everything, really. A/N: Might have messed up the official timeline a bit here, but meh. Thanks to all of you who like and especially reblog <3 

15 - Kintsugi

Every day, though mostly when Natasha is there as support, you challenge yourself in the hope that the fears holding you in an iron grip will dwindle with each (preferably) positive experience. Obviously, it begins in the small like shaving your legs, putting on tighter clothes, one day even uncovering the mirror in the bedroom although you try not to look at it. I’m still me, you pray to whatever might listen even though you know that the “me” you want to be is gone and you need to find a new version.

The sun is shining today, and you’ve felt particularly bold and added makeup while using the small mirror that only shows your face. Natasha’s lounging on your bed, reading up on some of the older SHIELD cases for the hearings.

“Do I look okay?” You ask, biting your lip to keep it from quivering with sheer nerves.

Grey eyes studies your face before she closes the folder and comes to stand before you. “Come.” She holds out her hands for you to take and pulls you to your feet. “From an objective standpoint…the wounds have healed very well, leaving only the faintest scars it seems. You look healthy again…”

That’s not what you meant. Far from. But you can’t find it in you to explain, so you just nod silently and start to sit only for Tasha to tug you back up and into her arms. It’s safe there. She’s warm and strong and lovely and has held you almost every night because she agreed to stay either in the neighbouring room or even use an extra mattress on the floor next to your bed simply to be close enough to save you from the nightmares that haunt you. Now though, her hands aren’t on your shoulders or arms. They’re on your waist, and it makes you cringe inside.

“I’ll let go in a moment, but please listen to this,” the redhead urges sweetly, “I see your doubt and insecurity…the kindness and worry and brains you’ve got…” Her forehead rests lightly against yours, the tips of your noses meet. I’m safe here. “But I also see you as the sexual woman you still are…so I can promise you, what I see is more than just okay.”

The meaning of her words take a while to settle in and when it does, it makes you blush. “You…but it’s not…” Your brain doesn’t want to co-operate, so you just end up stuttering uselessly.

“Let me show you.”

Following her to the mirror, you worry about what she’ll do. It’s Tasha…she won’t hurt me. Obediently, you stand there before the cold surface, Natasha’s warmth against your back and her chin resting on your shoulder. You’re faintly aware of how hard you’re squeezing her fingers with yours, but she doesn’t complain as your body refuses to let go. The deep breath you take is forced and does little to actually calm you. Sweat is breaking out, stomach is a knot made of lead, and the heart is working overtime. All of it from the thought of looking at your dressed body in the mirror.

“Wanna know what I like so you can look at that first?” the sweet voice suggests. “I like your feet that ground you here with me.”

Feet? The surprise snaps your eyes open to look at the sock-clad limbs in question. The big toes have been pressed in towards the rest after ears of wearing shoes that are too narrow, but you have to admit that your feet are…fine.

“I’m always happy to see your ankles, the way they stretch over into the foot when you’re reading and waving your feet through the air.”

“Are you gonna go all the way through my legs like that?”

You can feel the smile against your ear. “Well…you do have both sexy and strong legs.”

You don’t like that word, sexy. Brock would say that when he rutted into you, squeezing you full of bruises with his hands. At least the way Tasha says it, it sounds a bit different – like an actual compliment – almost as if it’s spoken in a new language. A language you want to learn even if you know it will be difficult.

“They don’t feel…that. None of me does.”

“It feels broken, right?” You nod. “There’s a sense of sticky dirt left behind under the skin that just won’t come off and makes everything feel like borrowed clothes that are a bit too small or sit weird…and no amount of adjusting seems to make a difference, like you’re supposed to pretend it’s the same clothes as always –“

“But they’re not.” Oh.

You find her face in the mirror and your throat constricts. She knows. Not in the sense that she’s read a book or spoken to someone else, no. She knows because she’s been there, and the knowledge makes your heart hurt because even if you wanted someone to understand you…it wasn’t supposed to be because they’d gone through something like it too. There’s a shimmer in her eyes, a wetness that she doesn’t bother blinking away.

“I hate this body,” you confess.

A featherlight kiss on your temple and then a sniffle before she looks back at the reflection. “That won’t go away overnight. I love it, because it’s been so strong…it brought you through hell and made sure you came out on the other side. It’s a body that refused to give up. That’s why I love it so much even if it’s different now.”

“The scars…”

Tasha brings your arm up and studies the white lines cutting around your wrists. “Tales of courage and willpower. Beautiful.” You’re about to continue when she adds: “Both the scars I can see and the ones that are hidden. Rose gold gluing the pieces together and making the result unique and unbreakable.”

“Pretty image…”

“Then it fits, sweety.”

…   Romanoff’s PoV   …

Some days are still horrible for [Y/N] and generally followed by worse nights where reaching out to wake the woman from her nightmares is a gamble because the real touch induces worse panic attacks. There are also good days, though, and it seems there are more of them now if they keep in mind that everything is relative. A good day means a day with no sweater to cover the scars and body. A good day is the day that [Y/N] allows Sam to visit in the room (although he has to stay near the door and both Pepper and Nat are there). Later the same arrangement is used for the rest of the men.

“We’re still doing what we can to track Rumlow down,” Steve’s explaining, the long legs stretched out before him as he sits on the chair with hands folded over the challenged t-shirt, “we’ve found a few Hydra-places and taken care of them. That’s given some leads.” It’s just a matter of time. “We’ll find him, okay? We’ll make him pay.”

“Pay?” There’s confusion in [Y/N]’s face. “Like…you’ll kill him? Drag him to prison? How can anything fix what he did?” Neither Avenger has a good answer because there is none. “You know…I see him sometimes in my…my visions. See him killing…civilians or…or he’s travelling…I see him smile.” She has to pause to breathe deeply, steady the voice. “I’ve seen him hold my pictures…kiss them…”

Steve shifts on the chair, clearly uncomfortable with the imagery whereas Natasha remains still as stone. These visions are news to her, but they change very little as far as she sees things: the bastard’s got to go. Preferably in a slow and painful way.

“He’s demented, yeah.” At least the Dorito-man gets that much. “We won’t let him hurt you again.”

Hands find each other in the mess of the bedding, allowing the ex-Russian to squeeze [Y/N]’s fingers gently.

“I know…you’ll all keep me safe…”

…

The hearings have been going at a steady pace considering that some of the historical events involving SHIELD and Hydra can be confirmed by other agencies. Especially the CIA is able to provide records supporting what ex-SHIELD agent Romanoff explains because they’ve been busy analyzing every line of data dumped online, and their short representative is wonderfully bright, connecting the dots as the hearings progress.

“– which eventually escalated from attempts at destabilizing to outright interfering as seen in Libya and later in Iran.” Agent Ross calmly flips a page in the report, allowing the slower politicians to keep up on the timetable depicted there. “All spliced intel is labelled clearly with sources and you’ll find that those detailing Hydra’s activity coincide with the unauthorized actions.”

A slight cough announces the question that proves the person hasn’t understood anything. “So…SHIELD has harboured a military agency involved in terrorism and cold-war strategies?”

“If that is how you see it then, in turn, the US government has done so too and would be considered accomplishes to the same extend as SHIELD.”

Oooh, nice one. Natasha sends a small smile to the blond man with the efficient brain. There’s no immediate sign that he sees it, but a few minutes later Ross sends a smirk back across the wide space.

…   Reader’s PoV   …

Well…if I’m gonna do it, it might as well be this time. The structure of your days follows a perfect clockwork, and in 27 seconds Happy will be arriving with dinner which he will set on a little table out in the hallway after having knocked to your room. This time he’ll find the door open. Anytime now.

The slight shuffle can be heard from down the hall, and the leaden butterflies in your stomach are beating up a storm. He’s whistling an airy melody but stops when he notices the change in the routine. A few more steps, this time hesitant, and he peers around the doorframe.

“Oh…didn’t expect this,” he admits with wonder in the round face, “how’re ya feeling today, [Y/N]?”

Right now you feel like puking from pure anxiety. “I’m okay. Could...would you mind erm bringing the tray in here?”

You point to the desk not far from the door (still a safe distance from you), and Happy’s face lights up in surprise and then genuine delight. He’s an adorable man who’s done nothing but support you the best he can and to see him look so proud at your request makes you feel a bit giddy. Moving slowly, he enters and carefully steps over to the table where he adjust a few of the items on the tray before exiting the room once more. He only turns once he’s out the door.

“Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you,” Happy smiles, blinking rapidly to hide the wetness filling his eyes.

…   Rumlow’s PoV   …

Meetings with people in fancy suits has never been one of Brock’s favourite activities, but at least he’s only present digitally like several of the others attending. The screen shows glowing live feeds of people he knows of from files, several of which used to range further down the chain of command until the fall of SHIELD and subsequentially parts of Hydra…and that is the reason for the gathering. Leaders have died, but their organisation must survive, and in order to ensure that there’s got to be a clear leadership established once more. Brock gets that.

“Where are you on the Winter Soldier,” someone asks him.

Hiding a sigh, the scarred agent stares at the little camera before him. “There’s very little to go on, perhaps we trained him to well?” There’s a general ripple of amusement which he loves to kill. “We know he’s been to the Smithsonian, but after that he’s AWOL…not following any of the subprotocols. Roger’s focus has been divided between the Soldier, the Widow’s pet, and obviously unearthing any of our bases…as you know.”

“Any leads on Fury?” This time the one asking is a younger guy, one of the climbers. What was his name again? “I’ve not been able to get anything on his whereabouts from Coulson.”

Strucker’s monocle gleams. “But your cofer remains intact, yes?”

“Of course.” Ward! That was it.

The meeting drags on and Brock has to fight the restless sense of urgency because on the other side of the door there should be an agent with a status update on a certain ex girlfriend.

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume Five, Number 10

The Hammered Hulls

Time again for a load of short, mostly positive reviews of records that caught our attention at least for a little while. This edition is typically wide ranging with free jazz, teen garage pop, piano experiments, acoustic guitar picking and goth-y post punk all jockeying for your ear. It’s not just obscurities this time around either, as Ian Mathers looks for the solid core of the National’s over-long latest, while Jen Kelly makes peace with the Futureheads. Participants besides these two include Bill Meyer, Andrew Forell, Nate Knaebel and Justin Cober-Lake.

CP Unit—Riding Photon Time (Eleatic Records)

Riding Photon Time by CP Unit

CP Unit, an evolving ensemble formed around saxophonist Chris Pitsiokis, exhilarates live, the sound anchored by antic, twitching, faster-than-advisable-but-nailed-anyway bass, complicated patterns of percussion and abstract slashes of guitar. Live, the music is colored rather than dominated, by the urgent, chaotic energy of the proprietor on horn. A late summer set at the Root Cellar in Greenfield, MA left me gasping. Riding Photon Time captures the same band I saw—Pitsiokis, Sam Lisabeth on guitar, Henry Fraser on bass and Jason Nazary on drums (which is different from the line-up Derek Taylor reviewed here )— in two fiery 2018 live settings. The first half of the disc was recorded at the Moers Festival in Germany in May, the second at the Unlimited Music Festival in November. “Once Upon a Time Called Now,” from the earlier set, captures the spare, rippling tension between Pitsiokis’ free-ranging inquiries and Nazary’s intricate but grounded rhythms; they duel for a couple of minutes before the rest of the band enters. The cut also foregrounds Fraser’s restless, rampaging bass work, carving a headlong through line in the squall and storm. “Seasick,” from the November show, gives space to Lisabeth’s guitar, lyrical in a tilted, offkilter way, the tones bouncing off Pitsiokis’ sax melody in loose conjunction and counterpoint. My only complaint is that the mix favors melody, zooming in on the sax and obscuring, somewhat, the fascinating interplay between drum and bass. In most bands, that’d be fine, but in this case, the rhythm is just too good to hide. 

Jennifer Kelly

 Eluvium — Pianoworks (Temporary Residence Ltd)

Matthew Cooper has done enough things under his Eluvium moniker that even those only mildly acquainted with his work might not be surprised that he’s put out an album of solo piano compositions; they might, however, be surprised to find out that Pianoworks is the second such Eluvium album, after 2004’s An Accidental Memory in Case of Death. That record, coming after the striking (and often noisy) debut effort Lambent Material served to establish that Cooper wasn’t going to be restrained by genre, form or instrument. Here, having accomplished an awful lot over the past 15+ years it’s fitting that Cooper appears to be in a more contemplative, even melancholy mood. Whether it’s the gently rippling “Underwater Dream” or the brightly rounded runs of “Carrier 32”, Pianoworks serves as a reminder that Cooper can stop you in your tracks with the simplest of setups, if he chooses. (And for those really a fan of his piano work, the deluxe version features an extra disc of new versions of practically all the previous Eluvium piano pieces as well.)  

Ian Mathers  

 Frieda’s Roses — Jessica Triangle (Mika)

The three women of Frieda’s Roses—that’s Greta Fannin, Ava Miller and Poppy Lang—aren’t even in high school yet; their ages range from 13 to 15. And yet, this debut album, Jessica Triangle, is a marvel of minor key garage pop, raucous and wistful at the same time. Its bristly onslaught of guitars guards a tender center. You also realize, about halfway through the album, that teen girl pop has changed since the last time you looked, and the subject matter here is rather empowered. In a very strong middle section, “Isadora Giving” chides a girl for being too accommodative (“She’s kind in the way of giving things away”), while the stand-out “Lucy Poe” celebrates the complexity and intelligence of a young woman (“She’s happy and not/at the same time.”) “Forever Defend Her Story” recounts the ordinariness of sexual assault and the way women are blamed for it. The songs are bright and dark simultaneously laying in the pretty vocals of, say, Grass Widow, atop a raucous, acerbic foundation. There’s no way you’d know, without reading the coverage, how young this band is. They sound like they’ve been doing it forever.

Jennifer Kelly

 The Futureheads — Powers (Nul)

Back at the old Dusted, I wrote perhaps my most vicious review ever about the Futureheads’ second album, News and Tributes. It was disappointment speaking — I’d genuinely liked their taut, fizzy debut — when I said, “Now, with News and Tributes, the sad truth emerges. The Futureheads were lean from hunger, not discipline. With opportunity, they tend toward the flabbiest sort of excess.” Well, 13 years have passed, and I no longer expect anything from the Futureheads. I’d forgotten they existed, to be honest, but their latest album, Powers, is kind of fun. Much of what made the debut such a pleasure—the tightly wound guitars, the unexpectedly complicated vocal counterparts, the exuberant avowal of depressing ideas—is here, too. “Electric Shock” trips all the wires (ahem) by itself, with its zingy guitar and drum cadence, its densely harmonized vocals and its celebration of an extreme form of mental health therapy (“When I got my electric shock/it knocked me off my feet”). “Jekyll” punches, stings and tantalizes, its hoarse, wracked northern lead pillowed by giddy oohs and ohs. “Can you control your transformations?” asks the singer Barry Hyde, and then the song itself transforms itself, turning into a popcorning cacophony of closely aligned vocals. Even the willfully positive, good time anthem, “Good Night Out” ripples with existential angst; it’s only a feel good song if you don’t listen too closely. And yet, there’s a great deal of joy in these tight, complicated songs. They burst into flames as you listen, leaving spots in your eyes from the brightness and the bitter taste of ash.

Jennifer Kelly

 Hammered Hulls — S/T (Dischord)

S/T by Hammered Hulls

Perhaps it's a bit lazy to toss out the old "super group" appellation; but, come on, if you're even a moderate follower of that thing we call indie rock, you have to recognize the extraordinary line-up of Hammered Hulls for what it is. With DC hardcore royalty Alec MacKaye on vocals, newly minted arena rocker Mary Timony on bass, Chris Wilson of Ted Leo and the Pharmacists fame (among other outfits) on drums, and Des Demona/Pink Monkey Bird Chris Cisneros on guitar, Hammered Hulls represents an undeniably impressive assemblage of rockers. If any individual band member's musical history comes to the fore here, though, it's probably MacKaye's, as the band trades in a brawny yet cunningly complex punk that recalls the musical revelations delivered by Dischord's first blasts of post-hardcore creativity. And while this is clearly a team effort, each sonic component is worthy of the listeners attention as much as the superlative whole. Though two of the three tracks clock in at just over a minute, indicating that at least in spirit the band isn't denying its past, the practically byzantine by comparison (coming in at almost four minutes) "Written Words" hints at the potential Hammered Hulls has to be more than just a spirited one-off by some friends with impressive resumes. This single should leave everyone desperate for more.  

Nate Knaebel  

 HTRK — Venus In Leo (Ghostly International)

Australian duo HTRK’s latest Venus In Leo is a collection of electro-acoustic minimalism characterized by a woozy shimmer reminiscent of Mark Nelson’s work as Pan American. Jonnine Standish and Nigel Yang have stripped their music to the bare bones. A heartbeat throb, sparse percussion, occasional washes of synth and Yang’s simple guitar strums underpin Standish’s voice mixed to the fore on nine songs redolent with damaged longing. There is a rawness of emotion and acute observation of small domestic moments recorded with an intimacy that draws the listener close. Influenced by dub’s use of space, echo and silence Yang and Standish achieve a feeling of momentum to evoke quiet turmoil. Their miniaturization of Missy Elliott’s “Hit ‘Em Wit Da Hee” takes repeated lyrical snippets from the original and turns the song into a ghostly waltz. “What's up star? /We know who you are/Shit, no shit I thought you hadn't noticed.” Venus In Leo’s unadorned modesty is at times devastating.

Andrew Forell

  Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster — Take Heart, Take Care (Big Legal Mess)

Songwriter Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster frames his new album Take Heart, Take Care as the result of an artistic problem. He'd become used to writing dark songs, until he found he was content and had mostly good things to say. It's a false dilemma, of course. Any number of artists have built not only albums but careers on encouragement (see the War and Treaty as an example of a current act doing it really, really well). The real trap for Kinkel-Schuster was to avoid get treacly in his new mood, and he successfully avoids that snare.

His performances rely on his patience — he's content, remember, but not exuberant. He builds his songs comfortably within his context, but he doesn't jump on them. When he sings, “There's plenty of wonder in this world still to be found,” on the opener, his ease prevents it from sounding like a naïve epiphany. Kinkel-Schuster's Americana-influenced indie-rock comes carefully constructed, but only to make space for that heart to come through. It's a songwriter's record, easy melodies supported by well-balanced guitars. It's the singer not the guitars who have done their processing. The record and its bright sound create a warm space and sit down in it. Kinkel-Schuster may have found his ease, but his desire to share it quickly becomes apparent.

Justin Cober-Lake

 Longriver—Of Seasons (Hullaballou)

Of Seasons by Longriver

David Longoria of Longriver picks nimbly at his guitar, plucking out porch blues-y tunes that are steeped in tradition but freshly imagined. Not quite spare, his tunes are abetted by a crew of Texas regulars, songwriters Sarah LaPuerta of Strange Paradise and Lindsey Verrill of Little Mazarn, Evan Joyce and Colin Gilmore, as well as composer/percussionist Thor Harris. Though mostly acoustic guitar and voice, his sound is filled out with harmonica, soft percussion and twining communal harmonies. His songs run at a mid-temperature folky pace, so soft spoken and unassuming enough to elide one into the other, and honestly, don’t quite catch fire until late in the album when ghostly, lovely “Texas Doesn’t Care” comes along. This one uses all the tools, an aching pedal steel guitar, some silvery electric keyboards, punchy drums and fiddle. It also contains the prettiest melody of the disc, fluttered out in a high, not quite falsetto quaver. A few more like this and Texas might sit up and take notice.

Jennifer Kelly

 Lunaires — If All the Ice Melted (Shades of Sound/Wave Records)

IF ALL THE ICE MELTED by Lunaires

If All the Ice Melted is a highly polished blend of cold wave, goth and stadium synthpop. This first outing from Milan post-punk Jeunesse d’Ivoire veterans Patrizia Tranchina (vocals) and Danilo Carnevale (guitars, programming, synths) evokes the heyday of 4AD bands such as The Cocteau Twins, Xmal Deutschland and Dead Can Dance. Here, Tranchina ruminates on loss, mortality and nature’s power as Carnevale constructs dreamy electronic soundscapes with sparklingly clean guitar lines twinkling above. The results are lovely but polite. The edges have been sandpapered to nothing and the dust swept away. “Mirror Trancefix” stands out precisely because it has that grit — the drum programming a little ragged, the bass dirty, the guitars cutting. Otherwise the gloss creates an emotional distance, which may be the point but discourages complete engagement with Tranchina’s often affecting vocals. If All the Ice Melts sounds good, and if it never quite breaks out there’s enough here to enjoy and look forward to what Lunaires could do with a little less restraint.

Andrew Forell

  Bill Nace & Chik White—Eel (all parts) / Wild Wire (Open Mouth)

The news that Bill Nace (Body / Head, Vampire Belt) has picked up an acoustic guitar and sat down to jam with a jaw harpist might give some cause for pause. Is he going American Primitive, or maybe going skiffle? Spoiler alert — the ghosts of John Fahey and Lonnie Donegan will not hear their names called when you play this record. But play it you will, and for only the best of reasons. First of all, it’s a seven-inch, black vinyl single, and no one buys such things anymore unless they really, really love them. But this one does more to earn your affection than merely exist. On the a-side, White’s orally organized vibrations and Nace’s persistent smacks on prepared strings stir up a constellation of buzzing sounds that’ll reliably destabilize your equilibrium without getting you fired when the Feds drop by to drop everyone on the work floor. The flip combines broad feedback ribbons with intermittent glottal eruptions to create a sonic sweat lodge experience so deep that you’ll be unloading all your Scientology machines on e-bay, all issues resolved.

Bill Meyer

  The National — I Am Easy to Find (4AD)

The National have been getting expansive recently (with the instrumentation and their runtimes, among other things), and who can blame them? Having attained the kind of big-venue prominence that means either you start lapsing into the version of yourself the hecklers always claimed you were (an especially slippery potential slope for a band like this one, so precisely emotionally calibrated and so close to being the bad kind of dad rock) or you start just going for it. The latter approach served them mostly well on Sleep Well Beast a few years ago, but this time finally feels like the kind of record that the National needed to make for their own progress more than one that’s necessarily fully successful. One absolutely successful move is the series of accompanying singers (“backing” seems almost disrespectful for what Gail Ann Dorsey and Lisa Hannigan, among others, bring to these songs), and the expanded studio palette first highlighted on Beast is still mostly working for them. There’s even a quick comparison in the form of old fan favorite “Rylan,” which still sounds great here. Ultimately what doesn’t quite settle right is just the sheer length, bulk, and discursiveness of the album, complete with accompanying film, brief interludes by the Brooklyn Youth Chorus, interpolating a Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 song into a track that was already too long and feeling that somewhere within these 63 minutes is a really killer 40 minute or so album just waiting to be carved out. Eight albums in, things could be a lot worse.  

Ian Mathers  

 Reduction Plan — (Ae)Maeth (Redscroll Records / Dune Altar)

(Ae) Maeth by Reduction Plan

Reduction Plan swells to epic size in this sixth full-length, turning the darkwave, synth-heavy aesthetic laid out in the five previous albums into an enveloping, shimmering, near-post-metal overload. Daniel Manning, the band’s single member, worked with Swans/Walkman producer Kevin McMahon this time, a move which transformed his Cure-circa-Disintegration gloom into a weighted, gleaming edifice. “An Act of Self Immolation” sets the tone with giant masses of guitar sound that tower and lumber. Unencumbered by vocals, it’s more like Pelican than gothy-post-punk. “The River” hews closer to new wave, with its clean, chiming synth tones, gate-reverbed drums and echoey vocals — there’s a nice smouldery sax solo in this one, too — but still looms and glowers with a palpable heaviness. “Ae Maeth,” at the end, brings on Jae Matthews from Boy Harsher for added vocals, a kindred spirit in reviving music at the intersection of dance, goth and industrial; the album’s longest cut slows the thump of dance floor into a desolate cadence that can’t and won’t stave off destruction.

Jennifer Kelly

 Rosenau & Sanborn — Bluebird (Psychic Hotline)

Bluebird by Rosenau & Sanborn

The house on the cover of this LP is surrounded by fallen leaves. But even though it depicts the location of this recording, and that recording took place in October, and they recorded with the windows open, the sounds inside are not particularly autumnal. Chris Rosenau’s (Collections of Colonies of Bees, Volcano Choir) is too quick and eager, Nick Sanborn’s (Sylvan Esso, Megafaun) electronics too effervescent. This music feels like the sun hitting your brow, refracted by heavy air. It feels like the first awareness of escape when you turn off the work phone and start a vacation. Or maybe it just feels like Indian summer. Put it on, put the speakers out the window, and go kick some leaves.

Bill Meyer  

 We Melt Chocolate — We Melt Chocolate (Annibale Records)

we melt chocolate by we melt chocolate

The reanimation of shoegaze pioneers My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive and Ride has brought renewed attention to the genre’s flourishing across Europe, the US, and Japan during their absence. Italian band We Melt Chocolate — that’s Vanessa Billi (voice and synth), Lorenzo Sbisa (guitar), Enrico Baroncelli (guitar), Marco Crowley Corvitto (bass) and Francesco Lopes (drums) — hit all the classic marks on their latest, excellently produced self-titled album. Ethereal vocals, banks of effects laden neo-psychedelic guitar, washes of synth, and a thick bottom end are all present and correct. Taking Loveless as their template, We Melt Chocolate strive for the epic and on tracks like “wishful” and “orange sky” reach it with elegance rather than sheer volume, although turning it up never hurts. We Melt Chocolate probably won’t convert non-believers, but fans of shoegaze and dream pop will find a lot to like here.

Andrew Forell

[oadara]

Similarities between Jonerys and Reylo

As the popularity of the paring between Kylo Ren/Ben (KRB) and Rey of Jakku (aka Reylo) increases among the Jonerys fandom there have been some questions as to why, those of us who ship both, find similarities between these two couples (I know Reylo is not a couple, yet, but I’ll refer to them as such for the purposes of this mini-meta).

If you are looking at these two couples and try to make a one-to-one comparison between the two, you’re not going to find it. Jon isn’t KRB and Dany is Rey or Jon isn’t Rey and Dany isn’t KRB. Not only are these stories geared towards different audiences, they are a different genre and are going about their storytelling in different ways. A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones is a political and personal drama told through the lens of medieval fantasy. While Star Wars is a fairy tale told through the lens of a Sci-fi Space Opera Western.

The similarities I’ve noticed are of a thematic and symbolic kind and although the individual character have some similarities between each other, the real similarities are seen when looking at the paring as a whole and how they are presented to us throughout the story. This is based on my interpretation of both these couples, others might view things differently. Eventually, I would like to expand on these similarities but for now, I’ll do a quick run through of the similarities I’ve noticed between the two pairings.

Balance

This is not an uncommon theme in stories but it’s central theme of both these tales. A Song of Ice and Fire, of the bat we know that this story is about two opposites either coming together in battle or love or both. Ice and Fire or Water and Fire are two elements that sit opposite from one another. Our central characters Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow are representatives of these opposing elements and many of us believe that through their union the balance lacking from Westeros will finally be achieved.

On the other hand, we have Star Wars whose central theme is the balance of the Force between the light and the dark. In this trilogy, these opposing forces are represented by Rey of Jaklu and Kylo Ren, aka Ben Solo.  When they are first introduced they are on opposite sides of a war that has been raging for a few generations.  Rey becomes KRB’s prisoner but soon proves to be a true challenge for him. Her strength in the Force is equal to his, something he has not encountered before. “Darkness rises and light to meet it,” says Snoke, insulating the divide between the two but it also insinuates a coming together of the two.

Generational Saga

The other big theme in both these stories is that of the current generation reckoning with the mistakes of their ancestors. Although ASoIaF revolves primarily around the House Stark, the expanded world of Ice and Fire revolves around House Targaryen and it is their actions throughout their history of ruling that have shaped Westeros to what it is today. On the other hand, Star Wars is the generational saga of the Skywalker family and how their connection to the Force has shaped the galaxy.

Pretty much everything that has happened in ASoIaF can be traced to past mistakes and the most immediate of those are the actions of The Mad King, Aerys Targaryen and those of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. The event surrounding the doom romance and Aerys actions throughout are what has led us to the current predicament our protagonist find themselves in at the beginning of the story. Although many things have happened throughout the course of the series, we see Jon and Dany confronted with the mistakes of the immediate and not so immediate ancestors. Dany facing the slave trade promulgated by the Valyrians and Jon facing the consequences of the exiling of the Free Folk to beyond the Wall. Both of these characters not only have to fix the past mistakes and by doing this they are forgiving a new path, a third way if you will.

In the case of Star Wars, it all started with the doomed love of Anakin and Padme. Their love, described as possessive, lead to Anakin’s downfall and the emergence of Darth Vader and all the chaos it brought to the galaxy. Luke was able to help his father redeem himself, however, the darkness still remained and now Anakin’s grandson KRB has inherited that legacy. His return to the light will finally heal the wound his grandfather created. And who best to help Ben redeem himself than his counterpart within the force Rey.  

Mirrored Couples

One additional element to the generational saga piece is how both Jonerys and Reylo mirror couples an important couple that was integral to the beginning of the story. In the case of ASoIaF, I’ve often said that Rhaegar and Lyanna’s union brought war, while Jon and Dany’s will end the war.

In the case of Star Wars, the love Anakin had for Padme was possessive and the fear of losing her drove him to the dark side of the force. The compassionate love that Rey offers to Ben will turn him from the dark to the light, also ending the war between the First Order and the Rebels.

Yin and Yang

This is an obvious visual similarity between these two pairings. In ASoIaF the most overt example of this is the coloring of Jon and Dany’s animal familiars. Drogon’s black to Ghost’s white with just the slightest hint of red. Through the TV series, we see this visual yin yang represented by the filters used in filming to characterize Jon and Dany’s story. In Jon’s case, we see the more muted blues and Dany the bright oranges. This is representative of the Ice/Fire or Yin Yang of the story.

With KRB and Rey, the yin-yang symbolism is much more obvious, because the Force itself is defined as Light and Dark. We see this with whites and black playing against each other’s in most of their scenes together. In addition, you see the reds and blues of their chosen Force also used in contrasts with each other. There is a specific scene in The Last Jedi where Kylo goes from cold blues to the warm reds of Rey’s fire during one of their Force Bond sessions.

Social Status

This similarity is particularly interesting for me as it’s so typical of the fairy tale genre. While the truth of Jon’s parentage has been revealed to the audience the characters themselves (except for Bran and Sam) are completely ignorant to it. As far as the in-universe narrative is concerned we have a Queen who is decedent from generation after generation of kings and queens and falls in love with a bastard. Even as a bastard Jon is of noble heritage, however, the stigma of being a bastard has followed him throughout his life, but Dany never even mentions it nor does she bring it up to him. The perceived difference in their social status is not important to her or him.

While on the other hand, we have the dark prince of a Star Wars Ben Solo falling for a scavenger, whose parents were nobodies. There is a clear divide in their social standing. However, unlike Dany who just didn’t feel the need to address it, Ben Solo, and his severely lacking social skills, reared their ugly head. While reminding her she’s a nobody, he then very suavely adds, but not to him. Jokes aside, I do believe Ben thinks of Rey as someone whose special, and in the novelization of TFA we learn that Ben has compassion for Rey and is punished for it by Snoke.

So, while these couples are perceived by the outside world to be from two vastly different social status while the pairs themselves have or eventually will see past that.  

Equals

Okay, I literally just talked about the differences in their social status and now I’m calling them equals. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing. To the outside world, there’s a firm difference in their place in society, however, for the couples themselves they perceive their counterparts as their equal.

Dany and Jon see in each other someone who understands the burdens of ruling, of leadership, of personal sacrifice for the good of their people. They see someone who can understand the burdens they carry because they themselves has carried it. In each other, they see their equal, something they have yet to have encountered.

For Rey and KRB is much more clearly stated because they are literally the Force counterparts to one another. Their skills and power come from the same well and one is just as powerful as the other. In fact, the scavenger Rey bested the elite trained KRB twice.  She is his equal and he knows it, and that is something he admires in her.  

The Greater Good

The books aren’t there yet, however, on the TV show we see Dang giving up her pursuits if the throne to go fight in the Great War against the Wight Walker. I think it’s important to note that Jon didn’t make the decision for her. He presented his case, poorly, but with the help of Tyrion and some super convenient and crazy events, Dany was able to see what really mattered.  

This hasn’t happened yet in Star Wars but I believe that story is headed in the direction of having KRB turn his back on inter-galactic domination and help the Resistance to end the war

Rey presents KRB with the opportunity to turn toward the light but he’s not ready to take it. He’ll have to figure that out on his own and come to the decision on his own. But because Rey has shown him the way he knows there is a chance.

Loneliness

This is an important element for both these couples. Even though they are all special in their own way, for one reason or another all have felt isolated from their family and society. There is a deep loneliness for all of them which began in their childhood.  

In Jon and Dany’s case, it’s loneliness but also isolation. For Jon, his status as a bastard kept him a step apart even from his family. Even those who loved him couldn’t change the fact that as a bastard he was viewed differently than them. For Dany, it’s her exile to a country where she has no connections except for her brother. As well as her poverty while still having the social status of a princess. She could never fit in and her lack of resources meant that she was unable to put down roots.

In the case, KRB and Rey is the lack of connection with others. KRB couldn’t connect with his father because Han couldn’t relate to Ben’s connection to the force. And while Leia could relate with Ben in that regard her work as a Senator and General kept her away. We all know that his connection to Luke ended disastrously and whatever connection to Snoke he has been one of control and abuse. For Rey, she was abandoned and left to the care of uncaring strangers. She has no connection to anyone when we meet her. She forms attachments quickly because of her deep loneliness.

Their Bonds

The loneliness they all feel, the sense of not belonging anywhere is the foundation for the bond that Jon & Dany and Ben & Rey form with one another.  

Jon and Dany seek belonging and acceptance. They have felt so isolated for so long that they just want to feel that they have found a place or someone they can belong to, that they can be themselves with. They find that in each other because of their shared experiences as leaders but also because of their upbringing. Their journey, as I have written many times, parallel one another and this creates a unique bond between the two of them.

In the case of KRB and Rey, the deep loneliness they both feel is literally bridged by their Force Bond. We are being shown how connected they truly are when their shared Force allows them to see one another from across the galaxy. In fact, the connection is so strong that they are able to touch one another, even though they are millions of miles away from one another. In each other, they see someone who is in need of connection but not just any connection, a connection based on compassion. Regardless of their circumstances, they have compassion for one another and the pain they see in each other.

The Gray Zone

One of the most notable things about ASoIaF is the complexity of its characters and the different shades of gray among them. Our heroes, while fighting for a common good, have engaged in acts that are deemed controversial. They make mistakes and are far from perfect. However, at the end of the day, they are heroes, just grayer than usual.

For Star Wars the dichotomy between KRB and Rey is much starker. Rey is a hero; she chose the light side of the force and she does the right thing and fights for the common good. KRB is a villain, he’s chosen the dark side of the force and is fighting for his own ambition. However, I believe the story is making its way towards a creating a gray flawed hero in KRB. His actions will eventually help the war and redeem him.

There are other themes and similarities I see in between these characters but many of them are found in your standard protagonist on their path through the Hero’s Journey. But I think enough similarities exist between these two couples that it’s notable and interesting to discuss and understand better.  

[marjanefan]

The 12 Days of Christine and the Horror Genre

Please note this essay contains spoilers for the Inside No.9 Episode ‘The Twelve days of Christine’ along with discussion of plot points of ‘Dark Water’, ‘Under the Shadows’ and ‘The Badadook’.

The Twelve Days of Christine has been the most analysed episode of ‘Inside no.9’ with at least two in depth Youtube vlogs and other blog analyses. This reflects the regard and affection with which the episode is held. However one aspect of the episode which is worth exploring further is how the episode utilises horror tropes to tell the story of Christine’s life.

The episode is directed by Gulliem Morales who has directed ten Inside No.9 episodes in its first five series. Guillem Morales made his name with the acclaimed horror film ‘Julia’s eyes’ which brought him to the attention of Steve Pemberton. He shares Pemberton and Shearsmith’s respect and affinity for the horror genre. He like them illustrates that it is a genre which is capable both of profound insight into the human condition and of artistic merit. I have written a previous piece about another episode Morales directed ‘The Stakeout’ that pays tribute to and comments on aspects of the horror tradition.

The episode uses soundtrack (including sound effects), lighting, and pacing in similar ways to horror films. In particular the sequence at the end of ‘April/Easter’ where Christine sees ‘The Stranger’ for the first time and the smashed eggs utilises tropes from horror to considerable effect . There are other occasions in the episode such as the sound of the car alarm/doorbell on the change between September/October (Halloween) where the soundtrack uses techniques from horror. The tropes discussed in this essay are not just used in the films I discuss below but in many different horror films such as ‘The Poltergeist’, ‘The haunting’ and ‘Jacob’s ladder’.

The episode also builds tension and mystery in a similar way to the best horror films. We do not know at first what is happening to Christine but we know it is not good. When we find out that Christine has apparently received a Valentines card from her first boyfriend who had been dead for several years we begin to sense something is not right. This is before we see ‘The stranger’ for the first time. Christine’s growing disorientation and distress as the episode is conveyed incredibly well.

For me ‘The Twelve days of Christine’ fits in with three acclaimed horror films which tell the stories of single mothers whose home and young child comes under threat from dark forces – Hideo Nakata’s ‘Dark Water’ (2002), Jennifer Kent’s ‘The Babadook’ (2014) and Babak Anvari’s ‘Under the shadows’ (2016). These films are set in (presumably) 1980s Japan, modern day Adelaide (Australia) and Tehran during the Iran/Iraq war. Despite their very different setting they all examine the anxieties around motherhood of the central characters and how these women have to fight for their children in often hostile situations and societies. Each of these films are each worth a deep analysis in their own right and can be interpreted in any number of manners. I recommend WeeLin’s analysis of ‘The Badadook’ as an example

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D02G8QWYXDY&

Horror often gets criticised for problematic portrayals of women and violence against women. There are certainly many films in the genre which are problematic but then this is an issue with most film genres. In these three films and in ‘The Twelve days of Christine’ we see rounded (and usually sympathetic) female characters who all have inner lives and hopes and fears. We see their struggles and their courage. Importantly they are also allowed to have flaws. They show the impact of social issues their central characters face. They take the hard work of motherhood seriously. It is worth noting that ‘The Twelve days of Christine’ is the one episode of ‘Inside No.9’ that has a central figure who is not played by Pemberton or Shearsmith and she is female. Not only that but Christine’s experiences as a woman are the focus of the plot. She is a deeply likeable and sympathetic character (unlike a number of central characters in other episodes!). Sheridan Smith gives a truly astonishing performance as Christine and she brings her to life wonderfully. (As an aside Pemberton and Shearsmith have written some really interesting and worthwhile female characters across Inside No.9’s five series).

The three films I mention concern women who are going through traumatic experiences who find their homes and child under attack from a mysterious force- Yoshimi (Dark Water), Amelia (The Badadook), Shideh (Under the Shadows). In ‘Dark Water’ Yoshimi is struggling within a sexist society to provide for and keep custody of her child. In ‘Under the shadows’ Shideh is contending with both an appalling war and a highly repressive government which has just banned her from studying to be a doctor. In ‘The Badadook’ Amelia is trying to deal with grief and mental illness. The forces that threaten the central characters and their children Mitsuko (Dark water), The Djinn (Under the shadows) and the Badadook all can be interpreted as representing and embodying these threats.

In ‘The 12 Days of Christine’ this figure is ‘The stranger’ (Reece Shearsmith). We first see ‘The stranger’ about a third of the way through the episode at the end of the April/Easter sequence (when we also see the smashed eggs). Then we hear his voice over the baby monitor in ‘June/Father’s Day’ where he apparently takes Jack. We then see him in ‘October/Halloween’ where he is holding Jack saying ‘I’ve got him’. Some people theorised that ‘The stranger’ is actually the ghost of Christine’s first boyfriend but Reece Shearsmith stated this is not the case on the audio commentary of the episode he did with Steve Pemberton. Shearsmith also discussed the work that went into creating the right look for ‘The stranger’ to make him look sinister (with his steamed up glasses and rainmack). Something that is worth noting is that on both occasions when ‘The stranger’ apparently takes Jack, Adam actually either has him or is collecting him. Could ‘the stranger’ represent Christine’s knowledge that Adam will now have to be responsible for raising Jack alone?

One important difference between ‘The 12 days of Christine’ and these three films however is that it gives a logical explanation for Christine’s experiences and who ‘The stranger’ is. Christine is not forced into a final confrontation with him. He is not some malevolent force but just some man who happened to step into the road. He actually managed to rescue Jack and is clearly guilt stricken at what has happened. He is far more mundane and human than he first appears. However his carelessness contributed to the crash which kills Christine.

Another apparently supernatural event that occurs is when the eggs smash against the walls and floor Christine’s flat during ‘April/Easter’. Eggs are symbol of rebirth and fertility so the broken eggs can be seen as symbolic of Christine’s (unsuccessful) struggle to stay alive. We see these broken eggs when we see Christine seriously injured in the car. However I also have my own thoughts on the eggs as a symbol. When we next see need Christine in ‘May’ she is heavily pregnant. We see her express her fears that the arrival of the baby will change and put pressure on her relationship with Adam. These fears are sadly realised. Could the broken eggs also symbolise the fact that Christine would soon be pregnant and her fears about what motherhood would involve? (These are just my own thoughts)

Wee Lin made an interesting observation on the significance of Christine’s burn which we see in ‘November/Guy Fawkes night’. She argues when Christine realises it was her, not Jack who burned their hand on a sparkler as a child, it is her realising that it is she not Jack who is seriously injured. This may also represent Christine taking on the wound on Jacks behalf, in effect ‘sacrificing’ herself for Jack.

In all three films there is a young child of around six/seven (Ikuko, Sam, Dorsa)- about the same age of Jack at the end of the episode. This is an interesting age as it represents a particular point in a child’s cognitive development. They still retain a level of innocence of young children while having a growing awareness and knowledge of the world around them of older children. They also have an ability to react and understand events while being too powerless to alter them We do not hear Jack speak but we can tell from his face at the end that witnessing his mother’s death will be an event that will have a profound impact on him.

It is important to note why Christine only remembers events that occurred in the flat. It was a place where a lot of important events in her life happened. Not only that but its meaning changes as her life changes. It goes from being her ‘batcherlotte’ home to a family home to her home with Jack. This fits in with Christine’s journey from her early 20’s to late 30’s from carefree single girl to wife and mother to divorcee and single mother. Indeed we could say the flat is a representation of Christine’s psyche. Horror films (along with other genres of literature and films) regularly use single locations to represent the psyche or characters relationship to the circumstances of their lives (such as The Haunting and The Yellow Wallpaper).

As noted before ‘The 12 days of Christine’ provides a rational explanation for all that Christine experiences and she is not obliged into a final confrontation. So what is the real horror in ‘The 12 days of Christine’? Several times we see Christine’s anxiety about her relationship with Adam and its eventual failure. We see her distress in her discussion with her father at the end of ‘September/First day of school’ at her feeling that her life is in a rut (she has been in the same flat and job for many years and is a divorcee). We also see her anxiety about being abandoned by the people she loves. Some have explored the idea that the episode shows Christine’s fear that she will develop the dementia that took her father.

This is why the end of ‘The 12 Days is so affecting. In her final moments Christine realises her life was full of love and that she had meaningful connections and times with others. Sheridan Smith’s beatific and peaceful smile in the final moments shows Christine’s realisation of this. She can at least leave her life knowing that she loved and was loved by others. The ending of the episode may be tragic but is not horrific. In the end what is so powerful about ‘The 12 Days of Christine’ is that it shows that even an apparently insignificant life has meaning and purpose and how each person is connected to each other.

As an aside I always recommend this terrific blog as their analysis of individual episodes is always incredibly insightful and detailed

https://dodoswords.wordpress.com/2015/04/06/inside-no-9-review-series-two-the-12-days-of-christine/

[sinceileftyoublog]

Wilma Archer Interview: A Balm for Bespoke Anxiety

Photo by Steve Gullick

BY JORDAN MAINZER

After 9 years, producer and multi-instrumentalist Will Archer has finally come into his own. A Western Circular, Archer’s debut full-length under the moniker Wilma Archer, released last month on Domino, is a half-instrumental, half-lyrical collection of tight, yet atmospheric tracks. It’s got a definitive aesthetic, often combining lush strings with zooming, yet controlled synth counterparts, all over gentle, yet confident percussion. Each track has a standout musical element, from the thudding drums of the title track and the limber, jazzy bass of “Scarecrow” to the puppeting orchestration of “Last Sniff” and warped keyboards and horns of “Cheater”. The voices that appear on the album, too, are essential: MF Doom delivers unsurprisingly vivid verses on “Last Sniff”, while Future Islands’ Samuel T. Herring provides his unmistakable pit-of-the-earth baritone to “The Boon” and “Decades” (contrasting with Laura Groves on the latter). And Sudan Archives’ coo steadies “Cheater” in a manner that’s unparalleled on the record. 

Yet, Archer’s running the show this time. He used to release music under the name Slime (two EPs, a mixtape, and an LP, from 2011-2015) and has offered production chops to the likes of Jessie Ware, Nilüfer Yanya, and Sudan Archives herself. (Archer produced two tracks on Yanya’s Miss Universe and many on Sudan Archives’ Athena, two of our favorite albums of last year.) Under the name Wilma Archer, he first dropped “Like a Hunger” in 2017, which featured Amber Mark but felt more like an Amber Mark song than his. He also released Burd, a collaborative record with Odd Future’s Pyramid Vritra, under the moniker Wilma Vritra, last year. A Western Circular, though, feels like the beginning of a unique, dynamic, and long-lasting individual statement.

I caught up with Archer over email to ask him about A Western Circular, including what it meant to start with a new moniker, the inspiration behind the lyrics, sequencing, and album art, and the importance of the various voices on the record.

Since I Left You: Does A Western Circular represent a true starting over for you, or can it be construed as a continuation of the work you've done as Slime or with Pyramid Vritra, Jesse Ware, Nilüfer Yanya, and Sudan Archives?

Wilma Archer: Its different to anything I’ve done before. Rather than helping someone else write, produce or finish their album, I was only ever helping myself with this album.

SILY: Some of the songs on A Western Circular were released before this record was announced. Was it that you were always planning to include them on a record? Or if not, why did you feel like they fit with the newer songs?

WA: They were made in the the same time period, and therefore the same unique set of circumstances, so they were a natural fit.

SILY: The album deals with your experiences of life and death, two things ever-present in existence. On "Cures & Wounds", the main refrain is "Love wounds and love cures." Would you say that's a similar idea or even a microcosm of the themes of the record?

WA: No. The lyrical content throughout the album is intentionally vague, loosely based upon the actual theme that was only ever communicated without words.

SILY: What's the inspiration behind the sequencing of the album?   

WA: Starting and beginning with essentially the same musical passage represents full circle, completion. The content of these bookends is an intentional mix of harsh dissonance and beauty: two ideas that are normally seen in the often undignified process of birth or death.

SILY: What was your general approach in coming up with the record's instrumentation?

WA: To use as much cello as possible, symbolizing things the west values: perceived sophistication, wealth, individualism.

SILY: How and when do you know that a song needs lyrics or even a voice and when it can remain instrumental?

WA: I am most moved by instrumental music, so deciding how and when to seek contributions was not taken lightly. Being able to gauge an imagined audience’s attention span is useful--being honest and highly critical when I felt something was lacking.

SILY: For songs with a voice, how do you decide whether to have a voice that blends in with the instrumentation, like Sudan Archives, versus one that stands out among it, like Sam Herring's?

WA: I think a quick glance at timbre would let you know what to put in front or behind of the main event. That would be more difficult with a bland vocalist.  

SILY: How important was it to have two contrasting voices, Laura Groves' and Sam's, on "Decades"?

WA: Vital. Going either way would have been instant overkill on that song.

SILY: Was it important to include at least one person you've worked with before on the album (Sudan Archives)?

WA: No, not important. Faster, perhaps, because after working with Sudan on her record I knew exactly how to go about working together on “Cheater”.

SILY: What's the story behind the cover art?

WA: I looked to find something that represented pure anxiety: a bespoke, deeply personal brand of anxiety that is handcrafted to make you feel as bad as possible.

SILY: Are there (or ere there) plans to perform these songs live or on a live stream?

WA: There were major plans with a 9-piece band that were just coming into fruition before lockdown. Hopefully, they can begin again at some point. Live streaming is not for me.

SILY: Is there anything you've been listening to, watching, or reading, either before or during quarantine, that's inspired you, comforted you, or caught your attention?

WA: None of the above. Watering plants has helped.

A Western Circular by Wilma Archer

[salmonthestoryteller]

Vessel

A Supernatural Fanfic

Warnings: Spoilers for…well, several seasons up through the season finale of 12.

Castiel has died several times and been stabbed even more times than he can count. As deaths go, being stabbed by Lucifer is not as painful as several deaths that came before. There is emptiness for a time, but whether it was mere moments or millennium he couldn’t say. Physically there is still an emptiness in what follows but there are feelings. Sorrow at first, and longing. Anger and pain. Resignation. There is something familiar about it all. It brings purgatory to mind. Dean’s nightly prayers, filled with so many things over the course of that year. He begins to wonder if what he is feeling is Dean’s prayers again. The emotions reaching him through the bond they share to wherever he is residing, even if the words are lost. He isn’t sure, but even when the emotions are angry and bitter there is a comfort to their presence.

The first time Castiel wakes up he is in the bunker. More specifically, he is in Dean’s room and he can’t remember how he got there. Moving his body feels awkward and strange. Like it is moving differently than normal. It reminds him of getting used to a new vessel, but he hasn’t had a new vessel in years. He worries he has been gone for millenia, but the room looks the same. No sign of dust or disuse. No smell of mildew and age beyond what the bunker already had. He doesn’t have time to contemplate it, though, because someone is there. A teenage boy, watching him cautiously.

“Hello.”

Castiel stares at him. “Hello?” His voice sounds different and something niggles at his mind, but he can’t give it his full concentration with a stranger before him.

The boy’s lips quirk. “That is still the term.” He offers.

“Who are you?”

His face falls, and Castiel has the distinct impression he has hurt his feelings. “Don’t you recognize me?”

“I’m sorry, everything feels a little off.”

“Oh, yes, that’s expected.” The boy nods, features brightening again. “Don’t worry, you’ll adjust.”

Castiel wants to ask what he’s supposed to be adjusting to, but the more pressing concern is who this boy is, or what he is. “You still haven’t told me who you are.”

“Oh, sorry, Cas. I can call you Cas, right?” He smiles again, before continuing on as if the answer is unnecessary. “Anyhow, it is our first physical meeting. My mom named me Jack.” His eyes glow gold, and from there on out he has way more things to worry about than why being in his body again feels odd.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” The demons hunting Jack sneer at him.

“Heard a rumor you boys were MIA.”

They seem shocked when he smites them with an ease he hasn’t had in years. He isn’t any less shocked, though, so he doesn’t contemplate it long.

Jack is bouncing in place. “Thanks, I haven’t quite figured out stuff yet. If I tried to smite them, I might have blown up the city.”

A part of Castiel runs cold at the casual way he says it. He reminds himself that Jack didn’t want to blow up the city. So that it is a good thing. “We should have you practice somewhere safe. Away from where others could be harmed.”

Jack nods. “That’s a good idea. When I figure out a place, I’ll call you, okay? In the meantime, you should rest.”

Castiel opens his mouth to tell him he has no need to rest, when a sudden weariness overtakes him. The next thing he remembers they are back at the bunker, and Jack is helping him lie down on Dean’s bed. He tries to tell him he has a room, and bed, of his own at the bunker, but before he can he sinks back into the emptiness.

It isn’t as empty now. It has grown lighter, and the emotions are not always so heavy. At times now there is amusement, and excitement. Protectiveness, and determination. Happiness, though still tinged with an ache. A loss of something so very vital. He is certain it is Dean, and once or twice he wants to reach out and try to make himself known. He hesitates, though, uncertain now where he is or how he is sensing these things.

Jack awakens him next not for protection, but to help him practice. Apparently being born with unfathomable powers does not mean one can wield them well. They spend the day together, and Castiel is surprised to find he is hungry. Jack and he get burgers, and then they return to the bunker. He asks about Sam and Dean, and Jack assures him they are alive and well. He wants to ask more but the weariness is back. This time he is still awake enough to insist on going to his own room. Jack hesitates, but complies.

The emptiness is much lighter now. Awash in streams of glowing color and dark spiderweb cracks of black. Happy emotions make the colors glow and dance, darker emotions send inky tendrils up from the cracks. Pain flares once, and there is a terrible sound as a new spiderweb crack appears, bleeding red into the space. Unable to stop himself, Castiel reaches out to touch it, trying heal the wound. The flood of emotions that follows is almost overwhelming, but he holds on. Watches as the bleeding red slowly eases. The crack remains, though. A painful visual reminder of what he felt through it. Something niggles at his understanding again, but he pushes it away.

Jack and he spend several days practicing his powers. After the first couple times Jack insists on three square meals. Castiel wonders if Jack needs the food or just likes the food. He has a feeling much more time has passed than single nights during his periods of rest but Jack avoids the question. He finds no phone in his pocket, and there are no newspapers in the wilderness where Jack takes them. He thinks to ask the day and date of their waitress once, but worries the question might sound odd and draw attention to them. He worries about Sam and Dean, about the emotions he knows are Dean’s that he feels when he rests. Jack seems to know where they are and how they are doing, but references little else. Jack always returns him to the bunker, though, so they must know he is there, right? He knows all the questions have an answer, but it eludes him.

He dreams of Dean one night, or perhaps Dean dreams of him. There is no fishing dock this time, they are in the bunker. He wonders if it represents Dean’s notion of safety transferring from a vague childhood memory to the place he currently regards as his home and sanctuary. He doesn’t have long to contemplate it, though.

“You feathery son-of-a-bitch.” The words bely the fierce hug he envelopes him in. Castiel feels a sense of relief crash over him as he hugs him back. He doesn’t want to let go, but all too soon Dean is pulling back and he is forced to as well.

“Hello, Dean.” The words feel like a balm to his very being to speak again.

“Cas…” Dean’s voice cracks. “Where the hell are you, man? Where the hell have you been?”

Confused, because Jack always returned him to the bunker, Castiel feels his head tilt. “What do you mean?”

“Lucifer stabbed you, Cas.”

“I remember that.”

“You were dead. Truly dead. Gone.”

“For a time I was in a void of sorts.”

“But I… I’ve felt you. For months now.”

“Months.” By his own time awake he has been back for mere days. A week at most. Something is very wrong. “But I… I always return to the bunker.”

He can feel the wariness in Dean, and though the hunter’s face closes he can feel his alarm. His suspicion. Feel it like an almost physical force.

“We burned your body Cas. A hunter’s funeral. It… You were gone. You can’t be here. Not physically.”

“But I was. I am. I fought demons, Dean, I…”

Things begin to add up in his head. Faster and faster. Missing time. The way he could feel Dean’s emotions. The dark void and how it had changed, filled. The shimmering colors; the spidery black cracks. The familiar sight of it. Even in hell, with blood dripping from his knife, the soul of the righteous man had been the most beautiful piece of his father’s creation that Castiel had ever seen.

“Cas? Cas!”

The hunter’s shout drew back his attention, but he could only shake his head in denial. “Dean, I… it’s not possible. It’s not.”

“Cas, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Even Lucifer needs… even Lucifer needs…” He can’t get any further. He doesn’t need breath but feels short of it somehow. The bunker room begins to fade.

“Cas? Cas!”

“Dean!”

Castiel opens his eyes to find Sam leaning over him. He seems relieved to see him awake, but Castiel has no time to dwell on why. His mind is still in denial and he pushes Sam away, running on legs that have grown less awkward to move as the days passed - just like with any new vessel - to the bathroom, seeking the mirror inside.

Green eyes reflect back at him.

No phone in the pocket of his jacket. Not his trench coat. A jacket that nows he knows was painfully familiar. No phone, no wallet. Jack must have carefully removed both each time before bringing him to consciousness.

“Dean?” Sam is in the doorway, but he isn’t calling for his brother. He is staring right at him. Jack is hiding behind him. Castiel can’t see his face. Can’t tell what emotion is on it. Guilt? Confusion? Disinterest? Benign? Malignant?

Even Lucifer needed permission to inhabit a vessel.

“Jack, what have you done?”

Fini?

Like everyone else, I am emotionally wrung out after the last few episodes. So many character deaths in so little time.

Despite how few episodes she had, Eileen’s death hit me hard. I have seen people say her death was meaningless, but seeing as the boys wouldn’t have caught on to the BMoL as fast without her death followed by her letter to them, I disagree. She went out like the hunter she was, but damn I am going to miss her.

I also sadly feel this is the end for Crowley and Rowena. Wish we had gotten some of Rowena’s battle with Luci, but Crowley’s death was almost bad ass enough to make up for it. He even said goodbye. Still, where will I get all my snark from next season? Darn it, they better give me someone really good to fill the void. (*hintBobbyhint*)

Castiel’s death also seems final, seeing as he took an angel blade to the heart. However, there remains his connection with Jack to consider. Plus his promise to Kelly to make sure Jack would be both safe and someone she would be proud of. Can’t manage either one dead. I also kept thinking of how he had healed Dean in 12x23 and the glow had hung around for a moment. Not normal.

So, I thought - what if he is riding shotgun in Dean? Angels can’t do so without permission, but Jack can do whatever he wants. Including put his chosen protector into any vessel he wants. The plot bunny refused to leave me alone until I wrote it. So not exactly a fix-it as much as an educated guess on what might happen next season.

I leave if Jack is good or bad ambiguous. I have a feeling that is the ultimate question of next season as well. Kelly recorded that video for a reason, after all. I am betting Jack’s own decision on the matter will probably come down to that video.

[walmartsurvey-blog]

20 Fun Facts You Didn’t Know about Walmart (Part 2)

They Created Their Own Electricity Company

This firm is continually attempting to discover approaches to lessen their very own bills so they can pass the reserve funds on to their clients. Perhaps the boldest choice was to help found and inevitably obtain a vitality organization called Texas Retail Energy. Their fundamental goal was to buy power for their stores at discount costs, sparing them around $15 million every year. It is likewise essential to take note of that upon their total securing of the firm, Walmart picked up the capacity to furnish shoppers with power. In a deregulated situation, this could spell calamity for different firms as Walmart is known to cut expenses on practically all that they do. This could prompt Walmart's capacity being significantly less expensive than others, removing these different firms of the game.

They Opened an Upscale Location

Generally, Walmart is known as a "stripped down" retail establishment. They for the most part just give their items at astounding costs and may likewise highlight a couple of anteroom shops. Normally these comprise of banks, inexpensive food, and salons (among different sorts of organizations). Walmart pushed their very own limits, be that as it may, when they opened an upscale Supercenter in Plano, Texas. This new interpretation of Walmart incorporated a great deal of costly merchandise –, for example, wine, fine adornments, and a ton of top of the line gadgets. Likewise, the firm engaged their top of the line customer base with the coffee bar and sushi bar on the premises. Additionally, they flaunted free, quick Wi-Fi. A ton of the highlights of the Plano Supercenter have never been seen in different Walmarts.

They Treat Their Employees Well

Working for Walmart is in no way, shape or form a breeze. In any case, the firm wants their representatives to remain cheerful (and along these lines continue making them a benefit). This leads Walmart to furnish the general population they utilize with a great deal of motivating forces to remain on. For instance, they gave out about $1 billion in real money rewards in 2009. Walmart doesn't just give out money, be that as it may. They likewise have benefit sharing, limits on product, and significantly business coordinated 401(k) commitments. These three different techniques for sharing the riches, joined with the money rewards, drives the organization to spend roughly $2 billion on laborer motivating forces alone.

They Have a Hand in the Video Streaming Market

The first run through the firm endeavored to enter the spilling business sector was with their Walmart Video Downloads administration. This bombed only a couple of months after its origination, for the most part owing to the planning of the program's discharge. In any case, they in the long run obtained Vudu in 2010 – reemerging the rewarding gushing business sector. Vudu is exceptional in light of the fact that it offers same-day, elite access to motion picture discharges and other prominent visual amusement. They additionally utilize a compensation for every view model as opposed to a membership model (which is ideal for the individuals who don't stream frequently or day by day). Furthermore, Vudu offers a large number of free movies – separating it from contenders, for example, Netflix and Hulu.

They Promote Healthy Eating

As referenced before in this article, Walmart has their very own store image that is called Great Value. In 2011, the firm started working intimately with Michelle Obama so as to present their new smart dieting activity. They started doing as such by swearing to diminish sugar, undesirable fats, and sodium content in their prepackaged sustenances. Furthermore, they guaranteed to cut costs on vegetables and natural products. Another technique that the firm utilized so as to advance good dieting was bringing down the costs on entire grain sustenance. They additionally pushed their own providers to embrace increasingly solid fixings and practices with regards to nourishment. They even structured their very own seal that was expected to go on nourishments that were "really sound".

They Had a Mail-Order Snack Delivery Service

Walmart Labs is a development driven Silicon Valley-based wing of the worldwide firm. They present a large portion of the innovative activities that the firm backings. One of them was the production of Goodies.co, a month to month membership site that offered around eight bite tests for just $7 every month. In spite of the fact that there were comparable administrations officially out there, Walmart seriously undermined them on cost. Goodies.co was a bright method for leading statistical surveying while at the same time having the clients pay for it. They could promote new items and let customers attempt them. In any case, this segment of Walmart wound up shutting down in 2013. They wound up applying what they figured out how to a great deal of different pieces of working together. For instance, they added a couple of well known items to Walmart.com.

There Has Been a Crime Wave in Recent Years

A portion of the areas of this retail chain have been tormented with wrongdoing. This started to happen in 2000, when previous CEO Scott tried to decrease costs by supplanting clerks with self-checkouts, reducing enlisting new workers, and notwithstanding expelling the well known greeters from Walmart's entryways. This prompted an expansion in robbery. Nonetheless, it likewise prompted an expansion in attacks and shootings on the premises. The wrongdoing issue got so terrible that Scott's successor Doug McMillon presented a fresh out of the box new framework for counteracting wrongdoing. This included utilizing eye-level surveillance cameras at the self-checkouts, information investigation intended to avert charge card extortion, and spot-checking their receipts. In any case, the individuals who do get captured can abstain from being refered to on their first offense, and rather take a robbery aversion course.

They Used to Operate a Closeouts Chain

You may have known about Bud's Discount City, a store by Walmart. Like Big Lots, Bud's Discount City sold an assortment of harmed, imperfect, stopped, or overloaded product at the absolute most reasonable and sensible costs accessible for such merchandise. These closeout stores were generally used to fill spaces on leases as Walmarts left their unique areas to proceed to progress toward becoming supercenters. The main Bud's Discount City was established in 1990. They had a really decent kept running up until 1997, when the parent firm started running into money related inconvenience. They wound up essentially shutting down or changing over the majority of their Bud's Discount City areas. Before the finish of 1997, each and every Bud's Discount City was shut or had been changed over to a normal Walmart markdown store.

Sam Walton Did Not Believe in Charity

In spite of the unfathomable measure of achievement that Walton met in all respects right off the bat in his endeavor into business, he never put stock in giving any cash to magnanimous or altruistic causes. He was of the conclusion that the store's presence was all that could possibly be needed, as it previously passed on reserve funds to (and subsequently improved the lives of) their clients. He likewise accepted that any magnanimous giving would remove cash from the pockets of their clients – or even their investors. Be that as it may, after Walton's demise in 1992, the firm started to give a lot of cash to different causes. After their first huge gift of $20 million to Katrina help, they have relentlessly expanded their giving each year. Today, the chain gives away about $1 billion in real money to foundations all around the globe.

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Semiotic Analysis of Objects in Old Boy

Old Boy by Glas(s) Performance was performed at Platform from 25th-28th October 2017, devised and designed by Rachel O’Neill, Tasha Gore and Jess Thorpe. The group of performers is comprised of three grandfathers and their grandsons, and the performance is split into three duets, ordered by the age of each grandson: first we see Sam, a 1 year old infant; then Kai, an 11 year old boy; and finally Eoin, a 21 year old man. In each pairing we see the grandfather and grandson interact with each other, discuss their relationship and the significance that each has to the other, and reminisce about shared memories. Through this progression, Old Boy explores how age affects a grandson’s relationship with his grandfather as he grows up through childhood and into early adulthood. In particular, objects in the piece can be interpreted as an exploration of the hierarchical nature of the grandfather/grandson relationship, and also give signifiers as to the universality, or otherwise, of the performance.

Many of the objects in Old Boy relate to entertainment or play in some way, such as the infant’s toys, the cardboard Wendy-house, and the fidget spinner. This suggests that the grandfather’s role is to bring pleasure and fun to their grandson; and idea that is set up from the first moment by the introduction of the toy box. The contents of the box evoke nostalgia for early childhood; they represent some of the very earliest memories we have, which indicates the grandfather’s role in these early memories - both to bring joy, and also to educate.

This idea of the grandfather’s role in helping his grandson to learn is prevalent throughout the piece. The inflatable globe that is present in the first two sections symbolises this: it could easily be a prop used in school geography lessons. Its absence in the final section suggests that as a grandson reaches adulthood, the necessity for his grandfather to teach him everything fades, and is replaced by an equality between the two; a sharing of knowledge. This is reinforced by the language in the final section - the repeated phrase “can you do this?” used by both grandfather and grandson implies that they both share and learn from one another.

The exploration of a hierarchy within the relationship runs throughout. When Eoin sits down in the larger of two chairs, his grandfather makes him swap to the smaller chair, despite his significantly larger frame. This assumed dominance goes unquestioned, and despite Eoin and Kai demonstrating their superiority over their grandfathers in certain areas, such as creativity and fitness, there is always a sense of the need to respect ones elders.

Perhaps this assumed respect stems from the level of care that has been provided by each grandfather, which becomes clear from anecdotes such as Eoin’s, describing a time when he hurt himself falling off a scooter, and his grandfather looked after him and cleaned his wounds. It’s also clear when Kai’s grandfather, Les, brings out a carrier bag with juice cartons and biscuits - it is the responsibility of the grandfather to provide nourishment; his role to cater to his grandson’s needs, not only to entertain him. On the other hand, the food and drink that is provided is by no means healthy. Boxes of juice, although containing some vitamins, are also full of sugar, as are the chocolate biscuits. Even while providing a practical necessity, the grandfather still ensures it is something enjoyable. If a parent were to do that, they would be spoiling a child, or would allow them to develop unhealthy habits. A grandparent can be different, however, because they often don’t have primary responsibility for a child’s wellbeing, and so can afford to indulge the child more.

The disparity between the two generations is explicitly discussed by Les and Kai within their section, and is also illustrated in their use of objects. The fidget spinner is a clear symbol of the modern day youth, a fad that the older generations may see as pointless or even annoying. However, it is used as an example of something Kai can do that Les cannot, reiterating the idea that the grandfathers are not superior in every sense. The sketch pad is also only used by Kai, as he draws a highly creative and relatively accomplished picture of Les. Since it is Kai’s own idea to draw the picture, it signifies the fact that he has skills of his own that Les might not, due to the great difference in the education system between when Les was at school and the present, now that creativity is valued a lot more.

One of the only indicators of place in the performance is the cardboard house. Resembling a Wendy house, it is consistent with the theme of play, but it is also an icon of a real house, one that each person in the performance would spend most of their time together in. It sits on green astroturf, and thus denotes a family home with a garden. For the audience this allows us to see them as ordinary people operating within their day-to-day surroundings, rather than performers on a stage. Also, the house is obviously down-sized, meaning when Eoin is inside it, it looks comedically small. This has connotations of out-growing home, and links to the fact that Eoin is old enough to almost become his grandfather’s equal, rather than being inferior.

Throughout each of the duets, the house remains prominent in the space. It suggests an ordinariness, and a universality to the relationships in the performance: everyone has a house, everyone loves their grandpa. Indeed, each of the relationships is demonstrated to be overwhelmingly positive. It is implied through their intimate physical contact with each other, the easy tone of speaking, the music we hear that is loved by both grandfather and grandson. All this time, however, the globe sits to the side of the stage, a gentle reminder that there is a whole world out there, full of similar stories, and very different stories, that cannot possibly be represented here. Although Old Boy strives for universality, to make a performance that anyone could relate to, the globe reminds us that these stories are very particular to one area of the world, and perhaps not everyone’s experiences are so positive.