#one took me a week and about 5 revisions

[mollyrolls]

im actually pissing myself holy shit

i just finished my 8 page rhetorical analysis right? tell me why this shit is the same length as ONE FIC CHAPTER. HELLO????

[pinkthrone445]

Nooo! You can’t leave me hanging with my heartache pls 😭 I need a part 5 to Partner in crime. I am so sad and I’ve been waiting for the next update to this and I finally get it but it’s sadddd naurrrrr. Next part. I demand the next sort my heart needs to feel happy again 😔🥲

P.S I love your writing! It’s soo good!!!! I love it so much!

Thanks for the support! I love this kind of messages, it truly helps me to keep writing. Thanks for all the funny comments too! ❤️

~Partner in crime~ Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender:soft, cute, friends to lovers, slow burn, hurt

Warnings:I don't think so

Summary :When they send you to work back in your home town, you start to recall all your memories from your teen years involving the redhead. And now it was finally time to face the past.

You sighed trying to calm the lump in your throat and the pain you felt in your chest as you remembered how things ended with her and how the last time you saw her she had already found her forever home by someone else's side.

Taking a last look at the file that had been brought to you, you reviewed with your eyes the name of the person involved: Anthony "Tony" Schementti. The man for whom you had received a promotion as a cop when you caught him years ago, but also the man that had cost you your whole future and the love of your life.

Many nights you spent reliving that arrest in your head, what would have happened if your partner had entered the building first and made the arrest? Would she still be with you, would your end have been different? What would have happened if you had him let it go? Would it have been worth losing your job to keeping her? You could have find a new job, but you could never find someone like her, Melissa was something special, something that you only get to live once, her magic made your life brighter, better, happier... And even if you tried to find someone new, your days never were as bright, your life never reached that peak of perfection and your heart never felt the same happiness...

You knew you couldn't live in the past anymore, you couldn't change anything and there was no point of spend your time speculating about what would have happened if... But you also couldn't have a full future if your heart had stayed in that past.

With sadness and pain you took that file and closed it, getting up from your desk and taking it to your boss to explain that you would not be part of the revision of the trial since you were involved in the case personally. He understood and after you finish arranging everything, you went to your patrol to start your first day of work on Philly.

That first week back in your home town was "normal", you tried to get used to the town again and to your new partner at work, he was a rookie under your protection and under your guidance, and he didn't had much idea of life.

The redhead popped on your mind more than once, more times that you would like to admit. Sometimes it was because you saw something that reminded you of her, in others she visited you in waves of loving or painful memories, she also visited you on dreams from time to time, where she looked at you with more love than the last time you talked to her. You knew where she lived and worked, it was on the file of her brother because she was his contact information, you only saw the address once, but it was engraved on your mind with no practical use, you would never dare to go to near that part of town and risk seeing her again after all this years.

Another thing that made you think of her was the invitation that was under your door when you got home a few nights ago, the school reunion for the 20th anniversary of your graduation. Everyone in school knew that you dated her many years, would they think that you were still together? They always thought you were the perfect couple, what would they think if they find out that she was married to one of her ex classmates?

You didn't have time to go to that stupid thing anyway...

The noise of interference on your radio brought you back to reality

-"Code Amber on the Philly mall, all free units respond to the scene" - The lady from the radio informed and you turned your lights and the sirens on, immediately changing route to the mall address

-"Copy dispatch, this is L-8230 on route" - You informed

-"Child got lost apparently 10 minutes ago in a school excursion to the cinema, a first grader using a gray t-shirt and blue sport pants, curly short dark hair, green eyes and dark tees, it's using a tag with their name on it, responds to the name of Chris"-she kept giving more instructions and you saw the mall a few blocks away. Your partner looked really nervous and scared, placing his hand on the belt where he had his hand.

-"Look kiddo, we are looking for a little kid, not to shoot anybody. Our coworkers probably already did a perimeter around the mall, if someone is trying to take that kid away, we will see it before they can get away with it. In the most common cases the kid is hiding somewhere inside the mall and we can find him in a few minutes. We will get there and talk to the teacher and the classmates to see if someone saw something, our job it's to be calm so they can be calm, if they start to panic, that only make our jobs harder, okay?"-You tried to explain everything so he could know what to expect and do his job in the best way

-"Y-Yes ma'am, I will follow your lead" - He said taking his hand off the gun holder.

When you arrived at the scene, the police already closed the mall and made a perimeter around it just as you said.

After parking, you quickly entered the mall with your partner following quickly behind you. There were many children gathered around their teachers and nervousness and fear could be felt in the air. Scanning the crowd you approached the teacher of the lost kid to ask a couple of questions. Among all of them you saw a blonde hair, which although many years had passed since the last time you saw her in person, you would recognize her anywhere. Kristin Marie was sobbing trying to keep her composure so as not to scare the other children, but in her eyes from afar you could see the desperation she felt and the guilt that one of her children had gotten lost.

Without trying to startle her more than she already was, you approached carefully and touched her arm

-"Kristin..."-you softly called but she was startled anyway

-"O-Officer..."-she began stuttering from her own sobs and you could see the surprise in her eyes when her sight reached your face-"(Y/N)..."-your name on her lips was just a whisper and she immediately collapsed in your arms crying on your vest, your arms held her protectively

-"Hey... It is ok... We'll find them, they're hiding somewhere and they are safe. Kids tend to hide thinking is funny, I'm sure they are around somewhere else. I promise we will find them" - You reassured. On your job you knew that you shouldn't do promises, specially knowing how unpredictable life was, but rigth now you would say anything to confort your old friend. But apparently, no matter what you said to her, you couldn't stop her from sobbing on your chest.

A well-dressed man approached you with a frown, looking at the woman crying in your chest

-"Pull yourself together Kristin! Don't you realize that this damn mall is full of glass and the reporters who are gathering outside can see you? Do you know how the name of the school could look if that child does not appear?" -The man spoke in a dry tone and for the first time in your life you saw Kristin scared, not by him, but by the idea that that child might not appear again. You carefully stood in front of the man, covering your friend with your body

-"BACK OFF!" - Your voice echoed on the mostly emptied mall-"A child is lost and all you care is the school reputation? Why don't you care about the safety of that kid? Why don't you worry about the parents of him? Their life could change forever and all you care is about some reporters outside?" - Your tone was dry and authoritarian, making him step back a little-"Do not interfere with this and don't talk to her again or I will kick you out of the perimeter so the reporters can eat you alive" - You warned him and he frowned again, mad, but smart enough to no say anything back.

Changing your expression to a soft smile, you looked at your friend who was sobbing silently

-"We will find him, do you want to look for him with me?" - You offered and she nodded, without strength to talk. With one hand you took your radio and began to check where they had already searched to narrow down the area. The other children were sent home with their parents to make the search easier. Apparently the entire mall had been searched and they also announced over each speaker the name of the lost kid to see if he appeared, but both happened.

Kristin started to panic again, but instead of letting her go down into a panic attack, you started to ask questions again

-"Where was the last time you saw him?" - You asked on a neutral tone

-"We were about to enter the movie theater, our was the room number 7, the children began to enter and I began to check their names on my list, inside that room there where only kids, teachers and the guys of the movies that clean, he enter the theater and I checked him on the board, but when I finish checking that every kid got inside, he was no longer on their seat, we searched all over but he was no where to be found, that's when we called the police"-she explained with desperate gesticulation

-"So... Only kids, teachers and cleaning crew, and from one moment to another he wasn't on the room anymore..."-You used your radio again-"Someone checked the interior of the building? The one that the crew of the mall uses to go around?" - You asked but everyone answered the same

-"Negative, he can't be there, you need a key to access" - they answered and you started to run to one of the service door, with the proper technique you kicked the door open and ran inside, Kristin followed you closer, screaming the kid's name

-"CHRIS! CHRIS ARE YOU HERE?!" - You both screamed. After searching for a few minutes, you started to hear sobbing on a corner, when you asked Kristin for silence, you could pinpoint the source of the noise coming from behind of a candy cart. Carefully your aproched gently calling their name

-"Chris, it's that you? I'm (Y/N), I'm a police officer, we have been looking for you, your teacher Miss Schementti is here too" - You encouraged Kristin to speak to him

-"Hey Chris... Everything is okay, you can come out now, your mom came to pick you up" - she whispered and the little kid came out from his hiding spot, their little face stained with tears and some spots of dried candy. The teacher, relieved to see that the child was safe, hugged him tightly lifting him off the ground in her arms, the child's crying stopped and the teacher's increased, a cry of relief and happiness this time-"How did you got here?" - she asked

-"I saw the the candy cart on the movie theater when we got in and I wanted to bring candy for everyone but there where no enough, so I hid inside of the cart so they will take me to the candy store, but when I got here I took the candy for everyone and I wanted to come out but I couldn't open the door, and nobody came back for me or opened the door"-they explained the best that they could and the teacher let out a laugh mixed with tears. While the teacher made sure that her student was okay, you communicated with the radio that the child appeared and that they should notify the parents.

Once the boy was reunited with his parents, the news were informed of the reappearance and they let everyone go home. You sent your partner home and decided to stay with Kristin

-"Did you bring your car?" - You asked and she denied with her head, hugging her shacking body

-"It was on the mechanic and also we came with the school bus, but now is gone..."-she explained, the adrenaline running low now making her body shake

-"Let's go, I will take you home" - You offer guiding her to the black patrol car. Once you were on your way to her house, which was still the same address as the last time you saw her in person, she told you what had become of her life and she asked you questions about yours, making the trip go by quickly. You explained that you had discovered that the child was in the corridors of the staff since he had not left through the front door and the only other exit that existed inside the room, was the service door. She also told you that her boss was a disgusting person but teaching those children made it worth staying.

When you got home you found it strange to see her car in the garage of her house since she had told you that it was in the mechanic, but with how scared she had been maybe she had been confused and you decided not to pay attention to it.

When she opened the door of her house an aroma of food made you smile, for some reason that aroma reminded you of your childhood and made you feel loved. You could also smell a perfume that belonged to a person very familiar to you, but before you could react, that redhead you always saw in your dreams came out of the kitchen holding a towel in her hands

-"Finally! I went to the mechanic to get your car and bring it like you asked, but when I got here your kitchen was a mess and I started cleaning and since you didn't arrived yet I also made you fo..."-her voice drowned on her throat when her eyes landed on yours. She looked practically the same as the last time you saw her, her hair was a few shades darker indicating that she surely had started to dye her hair to hide her gray strands, which did not surprise you since she was always very aware of her looks. On top of that, her face had new lines, especially around her eyes, you secretly hopped them to be from smiling so much and having a happy life. Her wardrobe didn't changed much, she still used tank tops and leather, her hair was in a ponytail that it was messy but looked amazing on her. She started using glasses that at that moment were on the top of her head.

Her eyebrows were almost on the roof because of the surpire of seeing you, that was a familiar mannerism of her.

She was the same Melissa, the Mel that once was yours, but at the same time she seemed like a completely different person.

Your feet were tempted to turn and run away before her surprised face changed to one of anger like the last time you spoke before breaking up. But instead, her eyebrows relaxed and her lips let out a soft, subtle smile. This time surprising you but nobody moved from where you were standing.

-"Mel... The food is burning" - Her sister warned breaking the spell that hung on the air. The redhead runned to the stove letting a few small curses out. You looked at her sister, unaware of what to do

-"Now that Melissa is here..."-You paused for a few seconds, her name on your lips felt so familiar and yet so strange, you were so used to say it but when you broke up you stoped mentioning her, even if you thouth a lot about her, her name never met your lips again. The redhead heard her name from your lips too and a chill runner through her whole body-"...now that she is here, do you want me to go home?"-You asked but the blonde took your hand

-"Don't go please, I'm don't feel so good yet and being with people helps... Beside we have to catch up since you are back" - she begged with her eyes and you agreed even if you were no so sure about it.

The night went calmer and comfier that you expected to. When the food was ready, the redhead served 3 plates for you all and you almost cried on how delicious it was, it was better that you remembered.

Although the conversation between you and her was almost non-existent, Kristin acted as an intermediary and the conversation about trivial topics flowed smoothly. The environment was not uncomfortable as you thought it would be, rather it was cautious, but bearable.

At the end of the meal, Kristin lifted the dishes quite fast and informed you that she was feeling better and sleepy, so you and Melissa could leave the house now.

She called you aside while Melissa put the leftovers in Tupperwares

-"Look, it's lovely to see you again and I missed you so much, but I wanna sleep now and we can get together another day, but now I want to be alone..."- she seemed a lot more calmer than before - "You know... since Melissa brought the car home she has no way to go back to her house..."-she started talking while you looked at her, you had a feeling that you knew where this was going

-"We can order an Uber" - You said but she kept talking

-"... And I'm afraid to ask her for an uber at this time of night..."-she continued

-"It's nine o'clock at night..." - you interrupted again

-"You know how crazy people is, you see it all the time in your line of work, you don't know what the person is capable of..."-she had a mischievous little smile on the corner of her mouth that she thouth you wouldn't notice

-"Spill it out Schementti" - You told her

-"Can you take her home? Pleeeeeeease?" - Her voice reached an anoying high pitch, impressive if you had in mind how deep her voice usually was

-"Kristen she hates me, we haven't seen each other in almost 20 years, she won't go with me even if I say yes"-You explained

-"Time has passed, feelings had changed, people changed, I think it would be a good idea to reconnect..." - she used a softer voice this time and you signed

-"Fine, I will take her home, but if this goes badly, I'm blaming you... Are you sure that you are okay to stay alone?" - You answered and she nodded exited

-"I'm much better, thank you" - she told you and you said your good bye to her and went outside.

When Melissa got everything ready and said goodbye to her sister, she left the house surprised to see you still there waiting, leaning on your car

-"Hey... Kristin asked me if I could take you home... If you don't want to is okay but if I didn't offer she would have killed me..."-You explained and she got closer

-"Yes please, I appreciate it" - she answered incredibly fast for your surprise, carefully you opened the door for to her.

At the beginning of the drive the music and your breathing was the only noise that you could hear, your head couldn't believe that she was there after all this years. Your mind was racing and your hands shook a little, at your work you had been in nerve-wracking situations and you were able to face it way more calmer that what you felt in that moment. For a few minutes you drove without knowing what to say until you remembered that you had no idea where you were going, truth be told, you knew where she lived because you saw it on that file, but if you drove her home without asking her where she lived, it would appear like you were stalking her and a little creepy

-"Mel..."-that was a common pet name that you used but now you weren't so sure hot to call her-"...Isa where should I drive you?" - You asked her and she seemed as nervous as you

-"I don't want to go home, Jacob is there..."-You thought she was still married, but maybe you were wrong and she got divorced and she had a boyfriend now.... Or maybe he was her son...-"my roommate brought his boyfriend home and the walls are too thin and I don't want to be there right now..." - she confessed and that raised more questions. Was she married or not? Why did she had a roommate? Did she feel uncomfortable in her own house?

-"Do you want to go for an ice cream? "-You offered unsure of what to do, if you invited her to your house it would look too forward and make her uncomfortable, if you took her home anyways it would look rude, so ice cream was the best option at the moment.

-"Yes please" - she smiled softly looking at you, you had missed her smile so much.

When you arrived to the ice cream shop, she insisted on ordering your cone

-"Chocolate and strawberry?" - she asked with confidence still remembering your favorite flavors.

While she order, you stared at your phone watching some messages.

After a few seconds, a cold hand landed on your neck tracing the scar that it was there, sending a chill all over your body. You didn't need to look up to know it was her, her hands soft and delicate as always

-"Life has been... Eventful" - You mentioned and she gently smiled, letting your neck go from her softly grasp

-"I can see that"-Gently she sat on the chair next to you to be closer, instead the one across the table. She offered you your ice cream letting her hand touch yours

-"Thanks... How are you doing?..."-you asked, unsure about the words that left your mouth

-"I've been okay... I'm working on a place I love and I have some nice friends..."-she told you and you smiled knowing that she was happy

-"It's Jacob your son? You mentioned him earlier..."-you tried to ask a another question hidden beneath that one

-"No... He is a coworker and a roommate, it's helpful to pay the bills. Since I got divorced from Joe it's was hard to maintain the house alone...I guess that at some point Marie told you that I got married" - she said a little ashamed

-"She didn't needed to, I saw you on nana's funeral with him" - You murmured and she looked surprised

-"I didn't saw you... I thouth you didn't went" - she confessed

-"I couldn't miss it..."-You signed-"not after what she did for me"

-"Did you got married?" - she asked

-"Never... I focused at work..."-You said honestly

-"You always wanted to get married and have kids..."-she still remembered

-"Yes... But only with the rigth person and I never found it again" - You whispered looking deeply at her eyes, she was the right person and when you lost her, you also lost your dreams. You exchanged tentative looks, beneath the nostalgia, she sensed the weight of years.

This time, the silence was no longer awkward but companion able. Even after all this years, you both could feel how the connection still remained. This reunion was a doorway to the past and a bridge to the future. Or at least that's what you were expecting

-"Do you have a few regrets?" - she asked and you nodded

-"A few..."-You said honestly and she also nodded agreeing with you

-"You seem... different" - she said, studying you and you frowned

-"Different?"- you repeated.

-"More guarded" - she clarified. Your eyes flashed, a hint of vulnerability she easily saw

-"Life has a way of doing that" - you said, your voice measured. She sensed there was more.

-"I'm so sorry about leaving you... I'm sorry for taking it all out on you, I'm sorry for ruining our lives, for walking away... I'm full of regrets, all my life I tried to get the happiness that I had with you and I never could. I fucked up time after time, I never loved him, I was just trying to fulfill the emptiness of not having you but you always were irreplaceable. I missed you every passing second and I can't believe how much time has passed between us and yet... I feel the same love that I felt the day that we were on my prom night, our first time together"-she said barley above a whisper, so much vulnerability on her eyes, she leaned a little, scared of speaking lauder and letting the whole world that she never stopped loving you. You just stated at her, unsure of what to say, unsure if this was real. After a few seconds, she got nervous because you stared at her without saying a word

-"Don't stare...say something... scream, shout, get mad at me, say something!" - she screamed and flinched when you lifted your hand, she felt like she deserved a slap but never thought you were capable of it. She choosed to close her eyes and get ready for the painful slapping, but instead of that your hand gently caressed her cheek. With her heart pounding, she opend her eyes confused, only to find you looking at her with such love in your eyes

-"You are even more beautiful than the day I lost you" - You whispered and her heart shattered in million pieces, after all that happend, after all those years, you never stoped loving her.

As she looked at the love in your eyes, she leaned on your palm, she had missed your warmth so much, your smell, your smile, your peace, your love, all of you.

As you locked eyes deeply staring at each other's souls, the years melted away. Time had etched its mark on your bodies, but your eyes still sparkled with the same mischief, the same love

-"Aren't we too old to be doing this?... We aren't teens anymore" - You asked, scared of getting your heart broken again

-"We aren't too old to choose love... It's never too old for happiness... We will get our happy ending... Finally together" - she whispered and kissed the palm of your hand. As you enjoyed the warmth of her lips on your palm, you finally accepted something, no matter how much time passed, how many mistakes, how much distance... Some sparks never truly fade and it was never too late to start again.

[lucid-loves]

First Light ~ Simon "Ghost" Riley Part 2

Pairing: bodyguard!Ghost x princess!reader (fem!reader)

Word Count: 4.4k

CW: angst, violence, blood, strong language, scars, verbal abuse by parents, physical abuse by parents, psychological abuse by parents, opposites attract, forbidden love, slow burn, fluff, attraction and sexual tension, reader POV and ghost POV, minors DNI, eventual smut, virgin reader

Let me know if I missed any CWs.

Story Synopsis: After receiving death threats from a mysterious terrorist organization, your royal parents make a decision to reach out to the United States for help. Specifically, they want the US to send a bodyguard to protect their precious princess. When the 141 is called upon to investigate, Ghost is the one assigned to protect you. With your lack of experiences outside of your royal life and his experience with nothing but deadly, worldly affairs, opposites attract.

Chapter Synopsis: You and Ghost have grown more comfortable with each other as both of you got used to a new routine. However, a sudden party announcement along with a marriage proposal from a new bachelor drives the both of you to become even closer.

Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Part 7

It’s been a couple weeks since Ghost was introduced to you as your new bodyguard. The first few days were rough as Ghost spent most of his time understanding the palace layout and your daily schedules. Once he got more familiar with the entire place, though, he was much more relaxed. He got used to following close behind you all while understanding where to go if things went south. He took his job of protecting you very seriously, especially after getting to know you little by little.

You settled into the new addition to your routine nicely. While it was awkward trying to figure out what to talk about around bedtime, you always ended up finding something to open up about. Ghost always listened carefully.

At the end of the day, you both still managed to keep your distance. Besides the occasional stolen glances, the both of you were good about maintaining some professionalism. Even during tea time when he would accept your offer to sit with you. You normally didn’t speak about anything too specific since you didn’t want to get in trouble, so most of that time was enjoyed in complete silence. Ghost never minded. He understood that you had to be selective with your words. Sometimes, he admired how seriously you took your responsibilities as well.

It was a rainy day when you were given a revised schedule to follow for the next few days, one that had you raise your brows as soon as you saw how even more unusually packed it was. Your independent study time was scrapped. You didn’t have to attend piano lessons anymore either. Instead, they were replaced with etiquette-type classes. Table setting, conversation practice, ballroom dancing. Everything pointed to the preparation of a party.

As you looked over your schedule, the room was silent save for the patter of rain against the glass. Thunder lightly rumbled in the distance. Your mother sat across from you, giving you time to drink it all in. Ghost stood behind you near the shadows, watching everything unfold.

When you were done comprehending your schedule, you looked up at your mother inquisitively. “What is the occasion?”

“There is a gentleman that we have been communicating with who has recently entered the country for a trip abroad. He is an exceptional bachelor with the money and status to support a proper lifestyle. He sent an invitation for tea with us, but we figured that an important man like him needed a more memorable experience in Stuoca.” Your mother cheerfully explained, clearly excited for this party. She sipped her tea, proud of herself for orchestrating such an event to happen.

You picked up your favorite teacup and gripped it firmly. The warmth of the tea passing the porcelain and into your palms provided you comfort as your head swirled. Your mother wasn’t explicit in her intentions of this party and it bothered you. Reading into her words, you knew what she intended for you, though.

“You are marrying me off.” You revealed, your eyes widening at your little slip. You meant to choose better words, but perhaps you were growing too bitter to think straight. Ghost, who was listening intently, was now fully at attention like he was called by his captain. 

At first, he listened for information. An outside party needed to be investigated in order to keep you safe. He didn’t pick up on what your mother was implying in the midst of it. When you exposed this truth, that’s when he grew rigid. 

“Come now, you shouldn’t say it like that. We are securing your future. If you want to maintain the life that you have, then it would be good to marry. Besides, you are not getting any younger.” The queen jabbed with a bright smile. Her implicit insult stung. 

Your mother was always like this. She was even more subtle in front of your father, so this was actually rather explicit of her. You had to bite your tongue to avoid letting your bitterness seep out once more. “My apologies. I am just surprised that this is happening so quickly.”

Her gaze sharpened as she graded your sincerity. It wasn’t like you had lied, but you avoided telling the full truth on how you felt. Your mother scoffed as you failed to exchange more grateful words with her. “This is for the best. You should be appreciative of this effort. Most women your age have to search for their security all by themselves. They rarely find the perfect one on the first try too. You're lucky that you won’t have to go through the pain of that.”

You bit your cheek hard to avoid an outburst, a metallic taste on your tastebuds. You didn’t say anything as your mother got up and left the room, allowing you to finish your teatime all by yourself. This was her idea of a punishment. If you couldn’t be grateful for her time, then she would give you only a little of her time. Little did she know that you preferred it when she gave you none of her time at all.

As soon as the door was completely closed and her heels clicked further down the hall, you buried your face in your hands. You didn’t know if you wanted to cry or break the throw the expensive teapot out of the window. The stinging in your chest grew to a malicious weight, making you feel like you were drowning. You already had so little control of your life. Now you were expected to give up your life to a man you didn’t know. 

“Princess?” A deep yet soft voice called out. You looked up only to find Ghost sitting on the couch across from you. Lightning flashed from the window followed by a bellowing rumble. Your breath caught in your throat as he looked at you with a patient gaze. He wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what to say. 

Actually, he knew exactly what he wanted to say. He wanted to go up to your mother and rip her a new one. It wasn’t like you were withering away from old age like your mother seemed to think. You were young, intelligent, skilled. For someone that dedicated your schedule on a regular basis, she sure didn’t know a thing about you. From what Ghost had seen from you in the past two weeks, you were very much capable of handling yourself or learning quickly how to.

Ghost could say a million things. The problem was that none of those words may be the right words you needed. Your world was different from his and he was still trying to figure it out. Saying what he wanted to say from his perspective may not have been appropriate or helpful to you.

Finally, you spoke up. Your tone was quiet and grave. “My apologies that you had to overhear that conversation. I shouldn’t be surprised that my parents are ready for me to marry. I just never expected that I would be the one having to do the impressing.”

You were right. Why should you be the one having to dance for this stranger? It should be him that should be trying to impress you. Ghost poured himself some tea, thinking about how backwards this all seemed. “You don’t know anything about this man, right? Your parents have never mentioned him before today?”

“No. They don’t usually say anything to me until events are just around the corner. I don’t have much of a social life outside of the palace walls either, so there wouldn’t be any way for me to really know this bachelor’s true character.” You began thinking more clearly, Ghost’s questions actually helping you approach this much more tactfully. It was like he was helping you come up with a plan. 

“You don’t want to marry this guy or just in general?” He asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. It was a rather personal question, one that would have to be kept secret between the both of you. 

You paused, thinking about his question very carefully. Once again, he was trying to get to know how you really felt about things. Ghost seemed to be the only one in the palace that genuinely wanted to know what you thought. After a sip of warm, slightly sweet tea, you gave him your truth. 

A truth that a princess would give too. “I want to marry who I choose and I would choose out of love. I refuse to marry someone that I do not love. This potential bachelor. . . who is to say that I would not fall in love with him the moment I lay my eyes on him? Though, I do doubt this. I am unsure if I could trust his potential personality if the only people who could vouch for him are my parents. Their values in a partner may not reflect my own.”

Ghost has been getting better at deciphering your cryptic princess language. From what he understood, you didn’t reject the idea of marriage. You just wanted it to be out of your own choice of love. A reasonable answer. A bit romantic too. Like a true princess, you believed that love at first sight was possible. Ghost didn’t think he could agree with that. Though, your hint at valuing certain characteristics in a potential spouse piqued his interest in a way he couldn’t explain. “What do you value?”

For a moment, you looked out the window, another flash of lightning illuminating the rainy gray outside. As the light hit your features for a brief moment, Ghost felt his heart skip a beat. Now, you were giving a daydreaming, sweet smile. “I value courage, ambition, and openly high morals. Someone that isn’t afraid of pursuing their passions, satiating their curiosities appropriately, and standing up for what is right. Someone that I could grow alongside with their complete support. Someone that would not only see me as a lover, but as my own person too.”

He couldn’t help but feel his face grow a little warm as you described your ideal man. Though he couldn’t say he checked off all of those boxes, a part of him did feel like you were describing someone like him, even if you didn’t know it. At the very least, you obviously wanted someone that could put their money where their mouth was. Someone with bark and bite.

Not that he would actively pursue you. He lightly shook his head while you weren’t looking, ridding his thoughts of the idea of him being the perfect man for you. “It sounds like you know what you want.”

Those words gave you courage for some reason. Confidence. It surprised you to be filled with such confidence from that simple sentence alone. You looked towards Ghost, your breath hitching slightly as he stared at you with those blue eyes of his. “Yes, I do know what I want.”

“I’ll help you however I can, then. I’m going to run background checks on this guy. Checks on everyone that received an invite as well. I’ll make sure that you are only present at the party for strictly one hour. I still have my job to protect you, after all.” He promised you. If you couldn’t speak up against your parents due to decorum, then hopefully this would give you what you need to fight back instead.

“Thank you, Lieutenant Ghost. I truly do appreciate it.” You gratefully beamed. Who knew that when you were given a bodyguard that you would be given a friend as well.

~

The next few days were busy. While Ghost followed you around to your now tighter classes, he was also doing background checks on every single person that your parents sent an invite out to. Which was a lot. Jesus, when he saw the list of people he wanted to smack them both. It was incredibly dangerous for them to have so many people at the palace at once considering the threats against them and their daughter. It became clear that your parents were more concerned about protecting their public image or parading you around like a doll than about your true safety. 

You felt that classes were a little easier to handle with Ghost being so focused on his laptop. Normally, he would be watching you carry on with your classes. Now that he was preoccupied with his own work, you felt less like you were giving a performance and like you were genuinely learning. Though, you did wish that he would look at you once you were finished with a successful new dance. For some reason, you craved some of his attention now that you had less of it.

Nights were different as well. While you had grown accustomed to talking yourself to sleep with Ghost listening to your every word, he had to focus on getting all the background checks complete. He also took it upon himself to tighten up some security detail. He was extremely busy making sure that you were safe, so it was hard to be upset with him. Yet, you still felt a bit lonely.

One night, you just couldn’t sleep. You laid awake for hours, trying to drift off to dreamland to no avail. Part of it was nerves over the upcoming party. Part of it was fear of being assassinated or kidnapped. Part of it was bundles of creative energy that needed to be released. You usually got it out of your system during independent study or piano, but now that it was gone for now, your fingers were itching to do something you wanted to do.

Quietly, you sat up in bed, listening carefully outside the door. You knew that Ghost usually spent his time guarding you out there. You wondered if he was still there or borrowing an office somewhere to complete his work. Either way, you wanted to be a little sneaky with or without him.

You opened the bedroom door a smidge, looking along the hallways to see if Ghost or anyone was up and around. Moonlight shined through the large windows, illuminating the halls brightly in a white light. You stepped out, now seeing Ghost situated at a small oak desk that was placed out in the hall for him right outside the door. His attention was already on you, having noticed the small opening of the door. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“I have too much energy.” You explained briefly, fearful that he may tell you to go back into your room. Thankfully, he seemed to understand.

“You usually sneak out in the middle of the night?” He teased, catching you off guard. You didn’t realize that Ghost could have such a playful tone.

“Sometimes, yes.” You answered honestly. Ghost was a little surprised by your answer. You were more defiant than you usually looked. Sneaking banned books, sneaking out of your bedroom at night. Not that you were doing anything bad. You just did what you could to explore your true interests. 

Ghost closed his laptop and picked it up, ready to follow you to wherever you wished to go. “Where to then?”

Swiftly, you led him to a far part of the palace, a room that was far from your parent’s wing. Without alerting any palace staff, the both of you snuck into the room. In the middle of the room was a pure white grand piano. There were some shelves lined with books about music along with piano sheet music. There was a couch with a table as well, which would allow Ghost to continue working while you tired yourself out. 

As you situated yourself in front of the piano, the lieutenant got himself all set up on the couch. For some reason, you were calm. Comfortable. You thought that you would be nervous with Ghost being your audience once more, but that wasn’t the case. In fact, you have never felt more secure than you did then. Even as you had the chance to play the music that you weren’t normally allowed to play.

You started up with warm-ups. Simple scales, listening to the tune of the piano. Feeling the weight of the pedals under your feet along with the weight of the keys under your fingertips. Ghost has grown familiar with that scale. He didn’t have any particular musical talent, yet he still appreciated it. The classics and simple songs you played were good.

As Ghost worked to the sound of your playing, the both of you fell into a comfortable groove. With your playing, Ghost felt more efficient in his work. You felt more confident in your abilities. Along with this, you began to branch out a little more, practicing classical songs that you were familiar with.

However, you played them. Truly. Not how your instructors guided you to play or how the sheet music dictated. No. You felt the emotions in each note. Each sound was played naturally as if it was second nature to you. Full of passion like the songs were intended to be played. Classical music that Ghost had admittedly grew bored of listening to just about every day, no matter how well you played, was now completely enthralled. Even songs he’s heard before meeting you seemed to breathe new life as you played with your heart rather than your head. 

Before Ghost knew it, all of his attention was on watching and listening to you play. He saw how you closed your eyes, your fingers naturally finding each key without the use of sheet music. How you swayed as your hands moved. How you beautifully smiled to yourself as you heard the wonderful sounds your hands made. 

It only got better when you began to play songs that weren’t of the classical variety. Songs that would have you banned from playing the piano in the palace. Hell, banned from music in general. There were some modern songs that Ghost recognized, now given your own flair. He didn’t even know how you knew some of those songs, but that didn’t matter. 

You had talent. Real talent. A clear love for music and the piano.

An hour passed by of him neglecting his work just to watch you play. When you finished a final song, you were breathing heavily as if you had just worked out. Your heart was beating hard in your chest. Once you managed to catch your breath, Ghost spoke up, unable to remain just the silent audience. “Why don’t you play like that during classes? You only play the basics with your tutor.”

You nearly had forgotten that Ghost had been there. You weren’t even aware that he had been listening to you play the entire time. A blush spread across your cheeks as you grew bashful all of a sudden. “It is believed that I am slow at learning the piano. I don’t correct this assumption since I don’t want to be pressured to play even more songs that I don’t find much joy in. At least, not the way they want me to play. I. . . I also don’t want to give my parents another party trick that they can exploit.”

His fists clenched at the mention of your parents. With each passing day, he’s come to resent your parents more and more. How they treat you, control your life, and regard you like a pet rather than a daughter was making his blood simmer more each day. It was getting harder for him to hold his true opinions back. “You deserve more. You deserve to play whatever you want whenever you want.”

Your eyes grew wide at his open criticism. This was the first time he spoke his mind like this. Ghost was careful in his words just as you were up until this point. It was actually rather refreshing to hear him not hold back for once. “Thank you. I hope that I can someday get to that point.”

It felt like a wall between the both of you had crumbled down. As the moonlight fell upon your soft features, your optimism for the future bright in your eyes, Ghost felt himself choke up. This was you at your rebelliousness. You were a princess that snuck around in the night to enjoy forbidden knowledge. And he wanted to be part of that.

For a moment, he understood how people could fall in love at first sight.

You began to toy around with the piano again, this time playing a little more quietly and simpler so that Ghost could get back to work. While it was hard to focus on what he needed to do because he wanted to take in more of the beauty he was in the presence of, he managed to finish what he wanted to do for the night. 

He finished his background check on this bachelor that your mother wanted you to marry. Ghost read everything that he could find on the guy. Net worth, news coverage, social media, and even criminal history. Kate was a massive help in finding more confidential information too. Everything was compiled into a report that he wrote himself. When it was done, he got up from the couch and sat down beside you on the piano bench. 

“Would you like to hear the report?” He simply offered, not wanting to break your light playing.

With a nod, you prepared yourself for what Ghost found. He took a deep breath before reading. “Royal background. A duke. Only a couple of years older than you are. Owns a lot of land and has a lot of wealth-”

“I don’t care about any of that.” You interrupted, your tone suddenly a bit colder. As Ghost looked at you with slight shock, you turned your head away. He didn’t expect you to speak up like that. The fact that you did meant that you were getting more comfortable with him though. You were taking this seriously as well.

“What would you like to hear then, Princess?” He offered, giving you more control that you deserved. 

When he spoke back to you so softly, you met his eyes once more. The piano bench was decently big, but Ghost was a big man. You could feel his body heat radiating off of him. As you looked up, you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach. The way he looked at you like you deserved the world made you feel lighter than air. When you gazed into his eyes, you felt like you could see his genuinity. 

You trusted him. You trusted that he was an excellent judge of character as well. Much more than your own parents. “Based on the values that you know I am looking for, is he a good fit for me?”

Ghost bit his tongue hard, stopping his immediate response from escaping. He wanted to say no. Based on everything he read, this guy seemed stuck-up. Seedy. He had quite a few exes under his belt, not even counting just one-off flings. He didn’t have a criminal record or seemed to be dealing with anything particularly shady, but he did take advantage of his wealthy and royal status to experience certain things in life, regardless of how others may feel.

Then again, Ghost felt like his brain was foggy. Like he couldn’t really make a fair judgment because he wanted to reject him immediately. He had a bias against him. Where it came from exactly, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he didn’t trust him to be the one for you. He didn’t want you anywhere near him either.

For now, he decided to be earnest yet nice. “I don’t think he would be a good match based on his track records, but who’s to say that he isn’t better in person. You’ll have an hour to judge him at the very least.”

Your heart fell as you heard his answer. It wasn’t that you were disappointed over this stranger probably not being the best for you. No. You were disappointed that Ghost wasn’t more blunt with what he thought. You appreciated how he was trying to preserve your feelings, but you didn’t want that right now. You wished that he could protest some more, any excuse not to meet this stranger and play into the hands of your parents. 

As he saw the flash of anguish on your face, Ghost felt his heart break. He could tell that you were really hesitant about this man. You didn’t even want to meet him if you had the choice. Without thinking, he took up your hands and squeezed. His hand was so much bigger than yours. Rougher, sturdier. Hands that have done things that you would never be able to fully comprehend. And now, they were holding yours. 

“One hour. That’s all. However, if you tell me that you hate him, even within the first second of seeing him, I’ll make sure that he won’t even get to touch you.” His tone was resolute, unwavering. 

As he put the control back in your hands, you squeezed his hands right back. Your heart swelled again as if on a rollercoaster. The moonlight cutting across the skull mask you have gotten used to only to brighten his deep, blue eyes made you melt. “Thank you, Lieutenant.” 

-

Taglist: @angel-anna @ghostlythots @maiyatheprettiestprincess

[eliciana]

SAGAU SERIES: Misunderstandings

-> Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 (here)| ...

Masterlist

Blog Navigation

____________________________________

Tw: Sagau, Cult!Au

Reader: GN!Reader, Creator!Reader, God!Reader

Characters: Reader, (mentioned) Aquilo, Unknown voice, Traveller, Paimon

Note: Revised and corrected spelling mistakes

____________________________________

Weeks have passed since you have been practicing to wield your newly aquired powers. Sure, it was tough in the beginning but, you persevered. Aquilo and your new friends were always beside you, their unwavering support and encouragement kept you going, ensuring you took care of yourself along the way.

Each day followed a familiar routine - waking up, preparing meals, tidying the house, practicing magic, resting, and repeating the cycle. This had become the rhythm of your life since you learned to control your abilities.

Now, as you lay on your bed, your gaze fixed on the ceiling, your mind wandered. Dreaming of your crush-/jk. You were actually just thinking, thinking your whole life.

[What's on your mind?], a familiar, and ever so mysterious voice echoed in your thoughts. You paused, then responded with a sigh, "Nothing... no. Actually, I'm just thinking. Thinking of when I will be able to completely master my powers and return to the surface once more."

Your sigh broke the tranquil silence of the room. Beside you, Aquilo slumbered peacefully, his expressions serene as if he were lost in a pleasant dream. "How envious," you muttered, wishing you could experience the same restful slumber. You remembered the previous nights were you wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air.

In contrast, your own nights had been plagued by unsettling dreams – fragments of memories that seemed to piece together, yet remained elusive. Whenever you tried to recall the details, a sharp headache would wash over you, leaving you unable to grasp the true meaning behind these dreams that visit you.

[Pardon me but, may I ask why you think that you should master your powers before resurfacing? I'm intrigued, truly.] The mysterious voice in your mind spoke up once more, interrupting your thoughts.

You paused, considering how to respond. "Hm? Uh. To be completely honest with you, I train my powers so that I can protect myself." You replied then shrugged. [Protect yourself from what?] the voice inquired.

You furrowed your brow, unsure of how to answer. "Why should I even tell you this? I don't even know who – or what – you are. You just appeared in my mind one day, and I've simply accepted you as a companion, though I'm not sure if you're real or just a creation of my own imagination."

[Oh wait, did I forget to mention that?] the voice said coyly. "Duh, if I knew, why would I be asking?" you retorted, a touch of annoyance creeping into your whispered tone, mindful not to disturb the sleeping Aquilo beside you.

[Now, now. Don't get angry at me. I should not have assumed you were aware of what I am.] it said in a gentle voice. "The obvious," you muttered under your breath.

[Tsk. Whatever,] The voice clicked its tongue dismissively. "Hey, did you just 'tsk' at me?" you whispered sharply, keeping your voice low. [I'm actually a soul fragment of yours.] it revealed. "Did you just ignore me- wait what?" you said, now thoroughly confused. A soul fragment? What's that?

[I'm a soul fragment of yours,] The voice repeated. You angrily replied, "Yeah! I heard you the first time. But what do you mean by soul fragment? I don't understand that part." Sitting up straight, you waited for the voice to elaborate, but it remained silent.

*Silence.*

"Hello? Are you still there?" you pressed, whispering into the air.

[Oh, sorry about that,] the voice chimed in, a teasing lilt to its tone. [I dozed off for a moment. Teehee~]

"Don't you 'teehee~' me!" you hissed, your patience wearing thin. The sheer audacity to even 'teehee~' at your face. You can even picture it making a ridiculous face that you could mistake for a punching bag in your mind. If it even had a body, you would definitely punch it with how it's playing with you.

[Come on~ Don't you want to know what I meant by me being a soul fragment of yours?] the voice giggled, its playful tone piquing your curiosity. [Oh wait, let me correct myself.] it continued, the lightness in its voice now replaced by a more serious tone. [I'm not a soul fragment of yours but we are both soul fragments of THEM.] it said, but now it's tone was gone of the once playfullness and was now replaced by seriousness. You felt a sense of unease settle within you as the voice's tone shifted.

"THEM?" you whispered, the question hanging in the air, your brow furrowed in confusion and concern. "What do you mean by THEM?" The voice remained silent for a moment, as if carefully considering its next words. [That is a story for another time,] it finally replied, its tone unreadable and leaving you with more questions than answers. You let out a frustrated sigh.

You opened your mouth to press the voice further, but the sudden stirring beside you made you pause. Aquilo was beginning to stir, his peaceful slumber seemingly disturbed. Glancing over at him, you decided to let the matter rest for now, not wanting to risk waking him. With a deep breath, you settled back onto the bed, your mind swirling with the implications of the voice's words. "THEM," you mouthed silently, your gaze fixed on the ceiling.

Just who or what is THEM? What did you have to do with THEM? What is your connection with THEM? The questions swirling in your mind weighed heavily as you tried to piece together what the voice had mentioned. You closed your eyes, pushing the unanswered questions aside for now and sleep. You are too tired to even properly form an answer.

____________________________________

Under the veil of night, a shadowy figure darted silently through the forest, their movements swift and agile. Barely discernible in the darkness, they weaved between the trees with uncanny precision, leaving no trace of their passing. Emerging into a small clearing, the figure's features remained obscured, their gaze sweeping the area.

“Are you sure that this is where they rest?” a high-pitced voice whispered urgently. The figure responded with a curt nod. "But I see no buildings here," the voice continued, a hint of uncertainty creeping in. "How can you be certain?"

"Quiet, Paimon!" the figure snapped, a note of irritation in their tone. Raising a hand, they pressed it against their chest. "I can feel our connection here, the strongest it has been. They are near, I am sure of it."

"But Traveller-" a fried egg was chucked to Paimon's mouth the instant she opened her mouth. "Shh!" the Traveller warned Paimon again.

____________________________________

Taglist: None

A/n: hi guysss. sorry for the late upload. hope you like it :))

[positivexcellence]

‘Walker’: Jared Padalecki & Anna Fricke On Finding Closure In Series Finale Despite Premature Cancellation

If it were up to series star Jared Padalecki and showrunner Anna Fricke, Walker would be continuing its run on The CW. But, if it had to end, they’re glad to send it off with the Season 4 finale on Wednesday night.

“I’m heartbroken. I love the show. I love the cast and the crew. I am and will be eternally grateful for the four years we had with each other and the friendships and relationships that I made. But right now, It’s tough,” Padalecki told Deadline of ending the show’s run. “I know it’ll be around for people to watch and rewatch. So I’m grateful for that, but I’m certainly gonna miss it.”

Walker was officially canceled in May, and Fricke said they were unaware of the fate of the show when writing the finale. As “there’s always a risk in network television,” she explained that she tried to bring enough stories to a satisfying conclusion while leaving threads to explore in a potential Season 5.

This season, Walker struggled with an empty nest as Stella (Violet Brinson) and August (Kale Culley) began to branch out on their own. After four seasons of trying to find a work-life balance, he finally takes a step back from his Ranger duties to spend some extended time with his family and informs newly minted Lt. Cassie Perez that he’ll be taking a leave of absence.

“It really was about getting the family to a good place. They are on to their next chapter,” Fricke said. “That moment when the family drives off together, the kids and Walker and Geri, feels like some sort of closure in a way. In a perfect world, [it would have] gone on and there would be more stories and more complications, but they do seem like they’re in a good place.”

Padalecki gives kudos to the writers for where they leave Walker, because “that’s how I feel right now,” he says.

“I’ve had this job for 20 years. There’s never been a week of new television where I haven’t been No. 1 on the call sheet of an hour long show. I’m still grieving, and I probably will for a while. But I feel really excited to spend more time with my wife, our children…the rest of my family, my friends. So I’m happy for Walker, I think,” he said. “I’m bummed that he’s not on the next job, because I know he loves being a dog with a bone and getting his work done, but I’m so happy he gets to take this break and reset and spend time with his loved ones.”

As the cancellation decision loomed, Fricke revealed the network gave her the opportunity to make changes to the final episode to give audiences more closure, but she opted not to.

“It didn’t sit well with me to try to wrap up the whole series with one revised scene,” she explained. “It seemed too rushed and too hurried, and it would have felt tacked on. So we opted to leave the finale as it was.”

However, she did take the network up on their offer to air an extended version of the episode, which allowed for a few more scenes that she thinks viewers will appreciate, including a rare scene with the entire Walker family.

“It was the last family scene that everyone was in together,” she remembered. “It took forever to get it because everyone was emotional…it wasn’t a pivotal scene, or anything like that. It was just a fun energy with all of them there, which was always my favorite thing. So I’m really glad that that made it back in.”

Coincidentally, Padalecki also remembered that scene fondly, telling Deadline “it just felt like a nice goodbye both on camera and off….I’m excited for that, because you feel the love that we all have for each other.”

At least, Fricke jokes, nobody was kidnapped or on the brink of death when the credits rolled. Instead, the things left up to the viewers’ imagination are largely positive, like Walker’s eventual proposal to Geri (Odette Annable).

In the episode, there’s one quick shot of Walker admiring the engagement ring inside its box before tucking it into his pocket and meeting his family outside. She says that to include the actual proposal would have felt “too soon.”

“Walker said this to Emily in a flashback. She said, ‘What will you do if I’m gone?’ And he said, ‘Marry Geri and work at Sidestep.’ And that was always kind of a joke for what the end of the series would be,” she said. “But in my mind, I didn’t want to get all the way to a proposal…I don’t think they’re there yet.”

If there’s one thing Fricke is most disappointed she won’t get to explore, it’s James Van Der Beek’s arc as Walker’s new neighbor — a full circle moment for the showrunner, whose first TV job was on Dawson’s Creek.

In the final moments of the episode, Van Der Beek pulls up to the house as Walker and his family are headed on their vacation and, even though the moment is fleeting, it hints at a deliciously dramatic storyline for Season 5.

“It was gonna be a cool. We had big plans for Season 5,” Fricke said. “Well, maybe there’ll be a movie.”

Well, whatever iteration of Walker may or may not come next, Fricke adds that she has plenty of ideas to explore.

“Even from the first whisper of maybe this is the end, the producers were all talking about, ‘How do we keep this going? What do we spin off? What do we do?'” she said. “I think these are great characters and a great world and I absolutely love working with the crew in Austin. So we definitely think about it a lot.”

When asked if she could divulge any of her ideas, she teased: “We always wanted to do the Hawk’s Shadow story. I would really follow any of these characters. I really always wanted to see more out of any of them. I would follow any of them anywhere, to be honest.”

deadline

[disasterbuck]

FanFic Ask Game

So I saw this post (linked above) and decided to answer all the questions instead of just reblogging and waiting for asks. Enjoy getting to know a bit more about me as a writer!

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

I love how fluffy it generally is and how my fics always have a happy ending 🥰

😐 What embarrasses you most about your own writing?

I don't think I'm embarrassed about my writing? Maybe sometimes I'll write a kiss that feels a bit cringe?

👻 What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up?

'the heist wip'. Inspired by the episode Ocean's 9-1-1, I wanted to explore what situation could make them ACTUALLY turn to crime. I had a vague idea of a woman's dog being kidnapped by her abusive ex, and Buck gets all obsessed over it and eventually asks the rest of the team to help him break the dog out or something. idk. I don't have a solid enough idea and I feel like it would end up being a long fic which I just can't commit to atm. (If anyone reading this is inspired by this idea, feel free to write it!! But please tag me if you do! I would love to read it!)

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

... I don't think so?

Yeah I've just had a skim through and can't find anything that I would never share if I managed to finish it.

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

Ooohhh, I love getting comments on ALL my fics but I guess if I had to choose I'd probably go with Friends Don't (8.5k) because it has a special place in my heart.

✏️ Do you write every day?

Not strictly, but most days yes.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

"Back to my point," Chimney said once Hen's laughter died down. "You two are codependent. I bet you couldn't even go a day without having to touch each other."

Buck's face flushed a darker shade of red.

"Yes we could," Eddie argued, suddenly stubborn and confrontational. "We could go a week."

"You wanna bet, Diaz?" Chimney asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

After a quick glance to communicate with Buck, Eddie nodded and said, "You're on. What are the terms?"

don't say his name wip

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing (finished a fic, actually planned for once, etc).

I wrote 4 drabbles exactly 100 words each!! It took quite a bit of editing and revising but I'm really happy with how they turned out! You can read them here if you're interested: buddie month | four drabbles

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

fhdskjfhs I HOPE NOT 😅

🌙  What time of day do you prefer to write? Why?

I don't really have a preferred time of day?

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

Yes. And no. lol

📊 Current number of WIPs

............................ 104 🙈

👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic? 

Depends ENTIRELY on the person. But generally yes. This does not equal letting them read my fics though lol.

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Hm, good question. Maybe Athena?

📝 What is one growth area you have for your writing?

Uhhh I don't know. I feel like I'm constantly learning about writing and just generally trying to improve in all areas.

📚 Do you read your own fic?

YES ALL THE TIME. I looooove reading over my fics. Makes me so happy!!

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

Writing kisses. Or endings. Both. Every time Buddie are about to kiss I tend to abandon the fic for a while lmaoooo and then whenever I have to wrap it up it takes me 3-5 business days.

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

Up for anything. All I've got for it so far is this:

Buck: No, I mean it. I'm up for anything. If you can come up with something I won't do you win. But I'm telling you right now I never back down from a dare.

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

fhjskfh I hate research. My deepest dive is whatever happens in the show. I'll rewatch or maybe read wikis to make sure I get show details accurate but anything else? I'm making that shit up bestie 😅

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

🙈 sweet, emotional, aaaaaand heartwarming? idk

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

I don't have headcanons about my own work! Everything is canon! They're my works! My reality! YOU can have headcanons about my works lol.

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

Of my own or someone elses?

Of my own fics, I love you (4k) is my fave.

Someone else's, the first that comes to mind is The Best Lie is a Truth (My Best Mask is My Face) (43k) by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels uggghhh it is chef's kiss!! Fake dating my beloved! 💕

👩‍🏭 If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

Lazy Mornings (1k) for being so freaking adorable 🥰

⏰ Do you spend more time reading fic, writing fic, or do you do both equally?

I think it's fairly equal? But maybe a bit more time writing, because a lot of the reading I do is of physical books rather than fic.

-

taglist because there's a sneaky snippet hidden above:

@dluoser @taketheplanspinitsideways @loudenthusiastic @wallywise @mxrcjqckspnchqsc

@therosesaredying @stillfuckingtired @classtrialguru @smolfunpenguin

@awesome-igi @natnuszsstuff @olliesrants @crazyfangirlallert @delirium1995

@brah3280 @meanceclosetohell @anythingeverythingallofthetime @sunflower-eddiediaz

@darkrose6578 @veronae-buddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @loveyouanyway @inell

@spicyrottingbrains @gnoeltop @idealuk @donationwayne @lemotmo

@smilingbuckley @realpersonwithrealfeelings @superlock-in-the-tardis @mjthe14thdoctor @strxwbereee

@idontknowwhatimdoing777 @ashleigh2658 @mari-lwyd-fannibal-blog @mineyneedsmoney

@spotsandsocks @unlifeira @pirrusstuff @buddiedaydreamer911

@littlevampireprincessuniverse @misshiss727 @i-put-the-star-in-bastard @hermioneindisguise @dangerpronebuddie

@specialbrownieeater @blue-winged-boy @bucks-daddy-issues @lightningmcqueer8

Let me know if you'd like to be added or removed 💕

p.s. I'm updating my taglist, check out the info on this post

[lordeemailarchive]

how I’ve been, revised

(20/09/2023) (Solar Institute Bulletin No. 22) (From London)

Aftershow quiet in Helsinki

Hey,

I just finished writing you a long letter, catching you up on how I’ve been. It ended neatly, tied with a little bow. I chose my words well, but I didn’t tell the truth. So I’m starting again, gonna type and not look back, and send what comes out.

I’m in London, have been since May. Things feel clear here. I haven’t seen many friends; mostly, I’m alone with my thoughts. I go swimming, I go to work, I walk home or take the train, I eat in my kitchen, I go to bed thinking about what I’m making. I’m starting to miss my friends and family, like a vitamin I’m deficient in. Soon I’ll be going back to New York, and then home.

I’m living with heartbreak again. It’s different but the same. I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I’m sick of being with myself. I eat chocolate to try and manipulate the endorphins, bring back the sweet happiness of Easter morning. I sit in the time machine and wait for it to move, but it hasn’t been invented yet.

My body is really inflamed, it’s trying to tell me something and I’m trying to support it but nothing seems to help and I get frustrated. My gut isn’t working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I’ve gotten sick half a dozen times. I realised earlier this year that listening to my body is hard for me, it’s something I never really learned how to do. I’ve been trying to teach myself that this year, but it’s been hard actually, pretty confronting, has made me fully aware of all the times I ignored it or didn’t give it what it needed, shamed it for a fight or flight response, took a handful of pills and pushed through. The little yellow pill I took every morning for thousands of mornings since I was 15, I stopped taking it 5 days ago. Gonna see how it goes.

I go online and look at everyone. Beautiful people sing to me. Everyone’s gotten really good at the same thing. I look at arched backs and wet flower mouths, the right bag, the right sunglasses. I wonder if it feels as good as it looks, it’s been so long since I chose the best picture from a hundred, lined it up like pulling an arrow taut in a bow, and let it go. Everyone looks very thin. Just thinking that makes me feel tired and far away. I’m not sure if it’s having an effect on anyone else. I keep spending money, wondering if what’s in the package will make me feel right, but I guess I buy the wrong things. I was gonna go to fashion week in Paris, had all these grand plans, but this week I txted my manager and pulled out. At the start of my career I promised myself I’d never be one of the people in the light smiling if it wasn’t real.

Earlier this year, I ate two handfuls of mushrooms, solid doses that tasted like green dirt. I got a lot of information about what my body had been through in our time so far, what it needed, where God was and where God wasn’t; I felt in my bones how destabilising it is to leave home and start a new life the way I did. I also saw that my body is completely magnificent, and that hating it is as futile as hating a tree; that I truly, truly love doing my job, and that my life is like a beautiful tapestry, and every inch of it is precious and has meaning.

It might seem funny or be easy to forget, but I make records because I need to. The songs are spells; a spell to let go of something, a spell to unlock a door. Every time I put something into words just as I see it, set it to the right music, a knot comes loose in me. But it hurts too, confronting the knots. I’ve made enough records to know that this feeling of my skin coming off is part of it. I know I’m gonna look back on this year with fondness and a bit of awe, knowing it was the year that locked everything into place, the year that transitioned me from my childhood working decade to the one that comes next — one that even through all this, I’m so excited for. It’s just hard when you’re in it.

So in this state, I went out on a short European festival tour. We built a cool new version of the show in a couple days. It was good to change gears and get out of my head. I put effort into the show, changing the setlist and arrangements, it was cool how you picked up on that, and it felt good dancing to the new versions with you, looking out at you, all sweaty with your friends, all on the same drugs. I felt the throb of history that’s under this music now, how each year makes these songs feel more like collectively written and sung pieces. I left my body and merged with yours and it was ecstasy. Then I went home to a business hotel and washed the glitter and smoke out of my hair.

Lauren took some beautiful pictures — sharing a few with you here.

Backstage in Portugal.

Cute Polaroid series of the 6pm, 8pm, and 10pm versions of me on a show day.

I’ve read some great books recently, including Drive Your Plow over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk, Speedboat by Renata Adler, Motherhood by Sheila Heti, Rough Translations by Molly Giles (brought into my life by sweet angel bookworm Chris Chang), Birds of America by Lorrie Moore; am waiting on my copies of ĀRIA by Jessica Hinerangi and Te Ana Ata: Menstruation In The Pre-Colonial Maori World by Ngāhuia Murphy. Was given Wawata - Moon Dreaming by Dr. Hinemoa Elder which I’m loving looking to as the Maramataka evolves.

It was Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori last week, I loved listening to this from London. This vid from Hemi showing the similarities between te reo Māori and ʻōlelo Hawaiʻi is so sick.

Been meaning to tell you about The Kindness Institute too, a mental health resource for Māori rangatahi that has recently lost government funding. Go check out the beautiful, necessary mahi they’re doing — I know the cost of living is cooked for Kiwis right now and pop stars asking people to donate sux, but if you work at a good sized company maybe you can wrangle a donation from your employers?! I’m gonna email my record company about it.

Other bits that have inspired lately:

Dieter Rams’ principle of “as little design as possible”. This fantastic interview with Thom Yorke. Maddie’s unbelievably beautiful Melo inspired tattoo.

Loving the beautiful new Troye songs and vids, Kelela’s Raven hitting right on the e-bike rides home, late to the magic of Frou Frou but glad I’m here, and the rest of my brain is M.T. Hadley, this great Te Whanganui-a-Tara based band Womb, and Talk Talk. And for those it concerns, have been pilled by parasocial big cousins Jason and Chris. My mum just sent me a Sylvia Plath poem that feels like it sums up the above, I’ll copy it here:

They thought death was worth it, but I Have a self to recover, a queen. Is she dead, is she sleeping? Where has she been, With her lion-red body, her wings of glass?

Now she is flying More terrible than she ever was, red Scar in the sky, red comet Over the engine that killed her— The mausoleum, the wax house.

Sylvia Plath, "Stings"

Hope you’re taking care of yourself. Don’t worry about me, I still laugh every day, it’s all moving, even when it goes slow. I’ve accepted the mission — I have a self to recover.

Speak soon, E X X X X X

(source: received this email)

[j0hnj4ej3n]

jisung: seatmates to lovers

Word count: 1.4k

Warnings: none :)

Notes: this is Jisung's part of 'nct dream as love tropes', enjoy!

“The two of you at the back!” Your teacher’s voice rang through the classroom and both Jisung and you immediately stopped your bickering. “S-sorry,” Jisung manages to mutter out before your teacher finally continues with class. You couldn’t help but chuckle once her attention wasn’t on the two of you and Jisung nudged you so you’d stop before he starts laughing too. 

Initially, Chenle was the one who used to sit with Jisung but your homeroom teacher made you switch with Chenle because they won’t stop talking. It worked at first since you and Jisung weren’t exactly friends, all you knew about the guy was his name and the fact that he was in the dance club. Jisung was shy so he took a while to warm up to you. But it helped that you were easy-going and would offer him help whenever it was needed. 

Jisung was always grateful to you though. Because on top of the dance club, he takes professional dancing classes outside of school and even after all that, loves to game till late at night and hence would constantly fall asleep in classes. But even when teachers try to call him out during class for it, Jisung knows you got his back. 

“Park Jisung!” Jisung shoots awake and stares back at the teacher, mentally still processing which class he’s in. “What’s the answer for question 5?” “Uh… oh, question 5?” You tap his knee under the table and he glances at you, you push your worksheet slowly over to his side to show him the answer before he answers. “Good… please just try to stay awake. It’s the third time I caught you this week” “Yep, sorry” Jisung would turn to mumble a soft “thank you” before he tries his best to stay awake, only to start nodding off again within minutes. 

This gratitude was largely reciprocated because you often skip lunch to do work or just take a nap. It’s not that you don’t eat well because you do. But when lunchtime comes, you’re not necessarily hungry yet and you lack the appetite to stomach a full meal. So you decided to spend your time more wisely by revising or resting and only eating after the school day ends when you would usually be able to treat yourself to a full meal. Jisung notices this pretty quickly once you two became seatmates and would casually buy snacks to share with you. Initially, you thought Jisung just enjoyed snacking, which he does. But overtime, Jisung deliberately buys two of everything he gets so you can eat more for yourself. 

The real turning point in your friendship happened when Jisung got ditched by Chenle for their malatang ‘date’. “Chenle! You promised!” “I’ll go with you tomorrow! I really want to play basketball with Mark today.” “Can’t believe you’re ditching me for basketball, that you play 7 days a week!” “Tomorrow, tomorrow. I promise!” Jisung huffs and mutters a “Forget it” before turning to you. You’re just watching them bicker while sipping on the carton of milk Jisung got you, trying not to laugh at their childish banter. “Y/n, do you like malatang?” “I’ve never tried it.” Your response causes Jisung’s eyes to widen, expressing his disbelief. “You have to! Do you want to come with me after school today?” You have nothing after school today so you agreed and Jisung cheers, rubbing it into Chenle’s face about how he has been replaced.

Jisung and you really got close after that. The two of you were really different but not in a bad way. You were interested in many similar things, like music, games and theories about the universe and the unknown. But had very diverse opinions on them. Jisung thought you were the most interesting person ever and genuinely could listen to you for days. You thought Jisung was a lot more knowledgeable than he thinks himself to be. All his opinions were backed with actual evidence, where he pulls them out from, you have no idea. You thought he was really interesting too. Moreover, the two of you share a really similar sense of humour that had you two laughing so hard, while everyone else would just wonder what exactly was so funny. 

Overtime, this becomes a tradition. Every Tuesday you and Jisung would have lunch together and more often than not, it’s malatang. Even the kind lady who tends the mala store expects you two every week now. Always greeting you two with a smile and a confirmation of “Table for two right?” before leading you into the store. 

However, you fell sick this week and you texted to tell Jisung you would probably miss school for a few days. Asking him to very kindly not fall asleep during classes and take notes for you. And also to apologise for not being able to eat malatang with him this week. Jisung can’t help but laugh in disbelief at your texts, it wasn’t even your fault that you’re sick. And to his surprise, taking notes down during classes isn’t actually that difficult. Maybe it’s because he wants to make sure he does a good job for you. He worries you won’t be able to read his words, since his friends always made fun of his messy handwriting. So he tried really hard to write carefully and clearly. 

After class, Jisung still went down to the mala store to have lunch but with Chenle this time. “Oh? Table for two?” The lady asked, trying to hide the slight surprise when she saw Chenle instead of you. After picking the ingredients, Jisung and Chenle went back to the table to wait for the malatang to be served. When the kind lady came to serve the malatang, she shyly asked, “Don’t mind me being nosy… but did something happen? Where’s your girlfriend?” 

Upon hearing that, Jisung chokes on air and Chenle is full on laughing at him. “S-she’s not my girlfriend,” Jisung stutters and he knows he’s blushing because he feels like his cheeks are on fire. “His girlfriend is sick, so I had to take over~” Chenle chimes in when Jisung fails to answer the question. The kind lady nodded in understanding, trying to hold back her laughter at Jisung’s flustered state, she simply greeted them, “Enjoy your food” and walked away. 

“Stop laughing, that was so embarrassing!” Jisung whines when Chenle can’t seem to stop mocking him, his face red from laughter as tears threaten to escape. “You were so flustered, I-I can’t. Be honest, do you like her?” Jisung looks down and stays silent, busying himself with eating. “Oh my god… YOU DO DON’T YOU? YOU LIKE Y/N! I KNEW IT i-” “SHUT UP, do you need to tell the whole world?” “You have to tell her” “NO way!” “You have to” “Why?” “I’m sure she likes you too” “No she doesn’t” “No normal girl will make time to eat malatang with you every Tuesday after sitting beside you 5 days a week, even I would be too sick of you to do that” “HEY that’s mean!” 

Jisung got convinced. But he can’t bring himself to tell you face to face. “Just text her,” was Chenle’s solution. 

[5:02pm] ji: [image of malatang] 

[5:02pm] ji: ended up eating malatang with chenle 

[5:03pm] you: im craving it so badly :( 

[5:03pm] you: sorry i couldn’t go with you, hope it was still good 

[5:03pm] ji: stop apologising, just get well quickly!

[5:03pm] ji: wasn’t as fun as it usually is because chenle pisses me off

[5:04pm] you: hahah alrighty, i’ll be back soon ji 

[5:04pm] you: will have our usual malatang run next week!

[5:04pm] ji: the nice lady asked about you haha

[5:04pm] you: aw :’) really? what did she say?

[5:05pm] ji: she asked me what happened to my girlfriend…

[5:05pm] you: oh

[5:05pm] you: what did you say? 

[5:07pm] ji: i told her you’re sick 

[5:07pm] ji: so i got another friend to come today

[5:10pm] y/n is typing… 

Jisung wants to bury himself six feet under. Why did he take Chenle’s advice? He should have never done this. Jisung wants to cry, he’s about to reply that he was joking when his phone dings beside him. He has never fumbled with his phone so hard and he’s so glad he was alone in his room right now because he is so embarrassed. 

[5:10pm] you: if you want me to be your girlfriend…

[5:10pm] you: shouldn’t you at least ask me first? 

Jisung is about to die from how fast his heart is beating. He had to lightly hit his chest a few times to make sure he wasn’t just hallucinating. His cheeks ache from smiling, your reply had him stomping his feet in excitement. 

[5:12pm] ji: so get well soon, i’ll ask you properly when you’re back :) 

[megumi-fm]

this week on megumi.fm ▸ media analysis brainrot

📋 Tasks

💻 Internship ↳ setup Linux system on alternate drive (this took me wayy more time than i anticipated) ✅ ↳ install yet more dependencies ✅ ↳ read up on protein folding and families + CATH and SCOP classifications ✅ ↳ download protein structure repositories ✅ ↳ run protein modeller pipeline ✅ ↳ read papers [3/3] ✅ ↳ set up a literature review tracker ✅ ↳ code for a program to parse PDB files to obtain protein seq ✅ 🎓 Uni Final Project our manuscript got a conditional acceptance!! ↳ revise and update manuscript and images according to changes mentioned ✅ 🩺 Radiomics Projects ↳ feature extraction from radiomics data using variance-based analysis ✅ ↳ setup LASSO regression (errors? look into this) 📧 Application-related ↳ collect internship experience letter ✅ ↳ collect degree transcripts ✅ ↳ request for referee report from my prof ✅

📅 Daily-s

🛌 consistent sleep [6/7] (binge watched too much TV and forgot about bed time booo) 💧 good water intake [5/7] (need to start carrying a bottle to work) 👟 exercise [4/7] (I really need to find time between work to move around)

Fun Stuff this week

🧁 met up with my bestfriends! we collected the mugs we painted last year and gifted them to each other! we also surprised one of our besties by showing up at her place. had waffles too ^=^ 📘 met up with another close friend for dinner! hung out at a bookshop after <3 🎮back at game videos: watched this critique on a time loop game called 12 minutes //then i switched up and got super obsessed with this game called The Beginner's Guide. I watched a video analysis on it, then went on to watch the entire gameplay, then read an article on the game's concept and what it means to analyze art and yeah. wow. after which I finally started playing the game with my best friend!! 📺 ongoing: Marry my Husband, Cherry Magic Th, Last Twilight 📺 binged: Taikan Yoho (aka My Personal Weatherman), Hometown Cha Cha Cha 📹 Horror Storytelling in the internet era

📻 This week's soundtrack

so. the Taikan Yoho brainrot was followed by me listening entirely to songs that evoked similar emotions to watching the main couple. personal fav emotions include a love that feels like you could die, a love that feels like losing yourself, a love that makes you feel like you could disappear, a love asking to be held, a love that reminds you that you're not alone, and a love that feels like a promise <3

---

[Jan 15 to 21; week 3/52 || I am having a blast at work ♡ I feel like I'm really learning and checking out a lot of cool stuff. That being said, I think I'm slacking when it comes to my daily routines in regards to my health. and I'm spending wayy too much time chained to my desk. maybe I'll request for an option to work from home so that I can cut on time taken on commute and spend that time exercising or walking

also. my obsession with tv shows is getting a bit. out of hand I think. not that it's particularly an issue? but I think I should switch back to my unread pile of books (or resume magpod) instead of spending my evenings on ki**a*ian. this could be unhealthy for my eyes in the long run, considering my work also involves staring at a screen all day. let's see.]

[packedlunchmeat]

COMMISSION ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

HOWDY Y’ALL!!!!

I’m deciding to open commissions once more! And finally making them public rather than just offering to friends.

This took a TON of deliberation, as I fear as an artist being taken advantage of for my time. And so, before we get into pricing and my boundaries as an artist, lets talk ground rules! Just so you, as a potential customer, understand my expectations as the artist.

(Also please be patient with me as I work 12 hour shifts at a hospital, so it may take a few weeks to get to yours if it’s behind a lot of others in the queue)

RULES & EXPECTATIONS

First come, first serve

This is mainly because I like to prioritize those who come to me first. With this being said though, if you express interest in a commission from me, but do not state what you are wanting, as well as a price range you are going for, I will prioritize a person who has already given me a commission request. Basically! I put you in the queue the moment we have a request worked out! :-)

No revisions after a finalized sketch

This is mainly to protect myself as the artist, and you as the customer from being in a perpetual revision cycle, after already finalizing the sketch. If you aren’t happy with something, please let me know before I begin the line art process! Once I begin to do line art or color, I enter a zone where doing any sort of serious revision could cause the quality to diminish!

Make sure it’s my art you are wanting!

I do do a plethora of art style mocks like persona 5 eye cut ins, as well as other sorts of persona art style stuff. But I don’t wish to copy another artists style thats already offering commissions. If you’re wanting a certain style that isn’t adjacent to mine, you’re better off saving up for the artist you truly wish you could commission :-). I like to feed into fandom wants and needs, but I don’t want to take away from other freelance artist’s business.

I will not send the art until paid

 Since I manage to work rather fast, I don’t mind making pieces that don’t get paid for, as any piece I do is good practice!! That being said, I won’t send my art until I have proof of payment for the time I spent on it. I will always be super clear on which part of the process I am in, but to protect myself from being scammed, I cannot send the piece until payment is proven.

DETAILS

Now lets get into the fun stuff!! To start, I do not charge my commissions based on how complex the art is, rather, how long it took me to make it. Which is the reason I can’t ask for up front payments. I charge, instead, by the hour. And my pricing is based on my state’s minimum wage. The software I use to make my art (Procreate) tracks the elapsed time I’ve spent drawing, and so I calculate the owed amount based upon that. So, to start:

I CHARGE $15 AN HOUR (USD)

METHOD OF PAYMENT IS THROUGH PAYPAL.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s what I CAN and CAN’T draw!!

THINGS I ABSOLUTELY WILL DRAW:

Character references! (TTRPG CHARAS, OCS, ETC.)

Armor (I can do mecha, but because of the complexity it may bump up the price just because of how long it takes)

Main stream art style replication (Persona 2D Sprites, Ace Attorney, Steven Universe, The Owl House, and a few others as well)

People

Portraits

Couples (hugging, kissing, holding hands, cute stuff :3)

Inklings & Octolings (anything splatoon related pretty much)

THINGS I CAN DRAW (BUT WILL PREFACE WITH THE FACT THAT I AM LESS SKILLED IN THESE AREAS)

Furries

Animals/pets

Scenery

Pixel art

Vehicles

Weapons (this ones tricky because I can draw swords pretty quick, guns take quite a bit of effort to get right though)

THINGS I WILL NOT DRAW

NSFW/suggestive content

Gore

With the parameters out of the way, I’d like to talk about pricing now! Since I charge by the hour, I’d like to make it clear that I am 100% willing to work with money difficulties! I draw pretty fast, but as there are certain things that cause my pieces to take longer, it’s only fair I let you all know what those are, so that you can know what to avoid if you’re wanting some art from me!

THINGS THAT WILL CAUSE MY ART TO TAKE MORE TIME!

Lineless

Complex mecha/outfits

Complex props (e.g. instruments)

Anything in my CAN DRAW list

Complex backgrounds

And lastly…

EXAMPLES OF QUALITY OF WORK

(With time spent and how much they’d be priced)

ROUGH FULL BODY

Time spent: 30m

Calculated price: $7.50

STYLIZED TAROT

Time spent: 2h 16m

Calculated price: $34.00

SIDE ORDER LINELESS

Time spent: 3h 44m

Calculated price: $56.00

FYNN 1920S ‘IT’ GIRL PIERROT

Time spent: 5h 24m

Calculated price: $81.00

Anywho!! If anyone is interested, please DM me! I’ll hand over my discord so you can send me pictures easy :-)! Reblogs are greatly appreciated!!!!

[thelittolpinkstudent]

[4/27/2024]

hello, hello! today and yesterday were busy and productive! there were two festivals i took part in yesterday, and i got sunburnt :( but it’s okay, i’ve been moisturizing and i’m getting aloe tomorrow! i was only able to work for about an hour on schoolwork, but i was able to get a decent amount done on one project.

today was the most productive i’ve been in a while, and it’s most likely because me and my friend holed ourselves up in a library study room for five hours. we utilized pomodoro timers, one hour long one and another 25/5 for 3.5 hours. i did leave to go to a club meeting at one point in between the two timers, but got straight back to it! here’s what i did today:

✅ finished planning out a social media public health campaign

✅ public health current event

✅ revision of flash fiction pieces

✅ anthropology guided reading

✅ started making posts for the campaign

tonight we’re going to a self-care bingo, and i’m a huge fan of bingo at school, so it’s an exciting night. i’ll probably settle in early afterwards, just working on my bullet journal for may and going to sleep soon afterwards.

i’m very close to the end of the semester, only one more week of classes! next week, i will need to start packing up my room. even though i’m not leaving until the end of finals, i’m sending home a decent amount of stuff next weekend since my parents are coming down.

i will talk to you all soon! have a great day! 💕

d-12

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hi steph!!!! hope you're doing great!!!! any fic posts you havent published yet but would.love to! i am your sign from the universe :D

Hi Nonny!

Sorry for how long I took to use this ask, but I kept it until I've run out of requests for lists I've ready-to-post, so THANK YOU!!!!

I have a few lists-from-asks I'm currently working on but nothing ready for right now, LOL. So let's see... How about this one, which I doubt will get requests anytime soon, so I hope this pleases you guys!! <3 Enjoy!

G, T & M-RATED JOHNLOCK FOR NEWCOMERS Pt. 3 (20K+)

See also:

E-Rated Johnlock for Newcomers Pt 1 (Short Fics under 20K)

E-Rated Johnlock for Newcomers Pt 2

G,T, & M-Rated Johnlock for Newcomers Pt. 1 (Under 5K)

G,T, & M-Rated Johnlock for Newcomers Pt. 2 (5K-20K)

Novel-Length, Not-So-Angsty Recs for Newbies

You're On the Air by prettysailorsoldier (M, 20,616 w., 1 Ch. || Unilock, Matchmaking, Radio, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Flirting, Bisexual John) – The Consulting Detective and The Woman dominate the airwaves of their university radio station, doling out advice on everything from meeting the parents to sexual positions. When their ratings start to dip before the holidays, however, manager Mike thinks it's time for some fresh blood, and who better to fill in the gaps than rugby captain--and notorious flirt--John Watson? Part 1 of 25 Days of Johnlock

The Real Meaning of Idioms by feverishsea (T, 21,691 w., 13 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Texting, Humour, Post-TRF, Awkward Romance, Idiots in Love) - After two weeks away, John finally texts Sherlock. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to respond. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to keep texting him. And he really doesn’t expect things to spiral out of control so rapidly.

5 Times John Got the Girl (and lost her) and 1 Time John Got the Guy (and kept him) by LiviKate (M, 21,695 w., 6 Ch. || 5 and Ones, Kissing, Oblivious / Awkward Sherlock, BAMF / Sexy / Stud John, Embarrassed John, John’s Scar, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Sherlock) – John has always had good luck with the ladies. He's charming, friendly and funny, not to mention great in bed. However, his usual skill with the opposite sex is constantly being thwarted by Sherlock and his outbursts. How will John ever get a leg over when Sherlock is always cockblocking him?

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w., 1 Ch. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

Trust Me, Trust Nobody by BlueMoonOnTheRise (T, 27,751 w., 10 Ch. || Kidnapping, Friendship / No Slash, Adventure, Trust Issues) – Whatever he told Mycroft, John trusted Sherlock almost instantly. When a new case shows up - smattered with the usual thrill of danger, death and cool logic - such trust ends up pushed to its very limits... 

To Mend Icarus by AlessNox (T, 29,186 w., 14 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship, Drama, BAMF!John, Emotional Turmoil, Introspection, Harry is in this Fic, Angry John, Happy Ending, Queerplatonic Relationship) – After a case lands John Watson in court, he tells Sherlock that he is leaving. Not understanding why, Sherlock decides that the only way to learn the truth is to investigate his flatmate, Dr. John Watson. A revision of the story Mending Icarus.

Domestic Matters by ohlooktheresabee (M, 29,404 w., 6 Ch. || Fantasy AU || First Meetings, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, BAMF Sherlock, BAMF John, Idiots in Love, Misunderstandings, Supernatural Elements, Implied / Referenced Child Abuse, Elf Sherlock, Human/Elf Politics, Emotional Abuse, Possessive Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, Buddy Greg) – All flatmates need to work out domestic matters between them - who does the dishes, who takes out the rubbish, how often does the carpet need to be vacuumed - these are part and parcel of sharing a living space together. However, when you’re an elf and your flatmate is going to be a human you just met, this rather complicates things…Very loosely inspired by 'The Elves and The Shoemaker' by The Brothers Grimm.

Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein (T, 31,987 w., 11 Ch. || College/Uni AU || Professor John, Ph.D Student Sherlock, Pining John, Poetry, Falling in Love / Slow Burn, Light Angst, Happy Ending) – John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish (M, 32,961 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Case Fic, Mild Gore, Sherlock Whump) – The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s 'Heart of Darkness', and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.” The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” One of these lists is not John Watson’s. If John Watson were to put what he really wanted in list form, to live in a land somewhere beyond ‘almosts' now that Sherlock Holmes has indeed returned to him, he would never be able to look his flatmate in the eye ever again.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. "You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie's class and you won't have to share a room with a stranger?" "Exactly." Sherlock beamed at him. "Don't worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us."

Bedtime Stories by Liketheriver (M, 34,388 w., 1 Ch. || Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Angst & Humour, Bed Sharing, John First Person, TRF, John Whump) – John's POV during Season 2 and beyond when Sherlock takes up semi-permanent residence in his bed. A collection of codas and missing scenes wrapped up into one long fic and topped with a bow that takes the story beyond Reichenbach and into happy territory once more. Part 1 of Bedtime Universe

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 36,420 w., 7 Ch. || A Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Prince Sherlock, Soldier John, Alternating POV, First Kiss, Bittersweet Ending, Homophobia, Dancing) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

A Week is Just Seven Days Isn't It? by scifigrl47 (T, 39,906 w., 4 Ch. || Humour, Friendship/Bromance, Stroppy/Bored Sherlock, Undercover/Army John, Texting, Pining-ish Sherlock, John Whump) – When John heads overseas for a week, Sherlock's forced to fend for himself. It goes about as well as anyone could have anticipated. Which is to say, very, very poorly. Don't worry, things'll be fine in just seven days.

A Love with No Name Series by aceofhearts61 (G to M, 49,955 w. across 20 Stories || Ace!Sherlock, Kisses, Cuddles & Snuggles, Schmoop, Platonic Romance) – In which Asexual!Sherlock and Straight!John are platonically in love life partners.

A Study Of Living With Sherlock Holmes by  AllesandraQuartermaine (T, 50,234 w., 22 Ch. || Post-ASiP/Pre-TAB, Domestics, Friendship, POV John) – Learn about what happened between John and Sherlock January 31st and March 22. From John's pov on how to survive and learn to live with one eccentric mad genius known as Sherlock Holmes. 

The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series

John Watson's Twelve Days of Christmas by earlgreytea68 (M, 53,464 w., 14 Ch. || Christmas, Holmes Family, Fake Relationship, Alternate First Meeting, Falling in Love, Fluff and Angst, Hardcore Pining) – It's the holiday season. John Watson needs money. Sherlock Holmes needs something else.

The Green Blade by verityburns (T, 72,929 w., 15 Ch. || Case Fic, Bromance) – As a serial killer hits the headlines, the police are out of their depth and the next victim is out of time. With faith in Sherlock Holmes at an all time low, this is a case which will push loyalties to the limit...

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

A Case of Identity by jkay1980 (T, 91,009 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Fake Relationship, Case Fic) – John and Sherlock have succeeded in rebuilding their friendship after Sherlock’s fake suicide, but an unusual case puts their relationship to the test. They pretend to be engaged and attend a marriage counseling workshop. Under the pretext of the case, Sherlock turns out to be a master of seduction, and John finally learns he might like Sherlock more than he thought. Slowly, John discovers that he loves Sherlock not only in a friendly, brotherly way, but both men have to fight their own demons before they can think of taking their relationship to a new level…

between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (T, 107,998 w., 215 Ch. || Epistolary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years. Part 1 of between each beat

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Developing Relationship, Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Unkissed Series by 221b_hound (T to E, 184,100 w. across 45 works || Established Relationship, Ace Sherlock) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They've been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change.

Fallen Series by Belladonna_Q, mamishka (T, 222,094 w. across 3 works || Winglock || Angel!John, Angels & Demons, Faes, Christianity, Changelings) – In a world where myth, mystery, and the supernatural flourish beneath the veneer of modern civilization, Sherlock is a master of magic as well as science and deduction. But there are some things that he cannot see, riddles he cannot unravel, even when they walk right beside him in the form of one John Watson…

[eebydeebyderby]

Keep you Safe (REVISED)

In which Reader returns to field calls after a three-month recovery, and Egon struggles with past trauma.

A continuation of this one-shot, but it can be skipped without missing any context.

General info:

Egon x fem!Reader, established romantic relationship, hurt/comfort, the boys are dorks, good vibes

Part 1 of 5

Content warnings: blood mention, a spooky little guy

~5.1k words

(I was unhappy with the previous version of this chapter, but I'll leave it up so that people can see the huge improvements that two great proofreaders (@bookswinalways and @mirandamnit(derogatory) can make between drafts.)

You gasped in delight. That’s it.

You closed the book in your hands and trotted across the room to Egon, who was peering intently into his microscope. “Spengs," you said, a smile spreading  across your face, "I think I’ve identified your ghost.”

He pushed his chair back and looked up at you, openly adoring. “Tell me.” 

“It sounds like a revenant of Buer to me,” you said excitedly, handing him back his field book. 

He furrowed his brow a bit, and leaned back in his chair. “I’m not familiar with that entity.” 

“It’s a lower level demonic entity associated with healing and eternal life." You scuttled over to the bookshelf and pulled out your large, tattered copy of Pseudomonarchia Daemonum, its spine held together by several layers of yellowing clear tape. “I’ve always wanted to get my hands on a Buerian ectoplasmic sample,” you said as you flipped through the withered pages and handed Egon the textbook, “but it’s assumed they went extinct when the Shandorian cultists slaughtered the only remaining nest back in the twenties.”

Egon shrugged, reading over the text. “Perhaps we were wrong in our assumption. The description seems to fit perfectly, and this is entirely unique from cases we’ve previously had.” 

“Egon.” He couldn’t suppress the small smile creeping over his face from the giddiness bubbling in your voice. “If this really is Buerian, and if we could secure a live ectoplasmic sample and construct a viable protein expression vector plasmid, it would be an absolute game changer in our research. Just imagine if we could isolate the enzyme production responsible for Buer’s regenerative properties.”

“This creature is a Class IV quasi-corporeal specter,” he said, reading over your notes written in the margins of the tattered pages. “I'm sorry to say that I don’t think it’s possible to get a fully serviceable sample back to our lab on time for it to be of any use. It would destabilize far too quickly. The site is almost eighty miles out.”

“Well,” you said a bit hesitantly, “I should be able to stabilize it in the field long enough to get it back here in workable condition, but only…but only if I go on the call with you guys.”

Egon’s head shot up from the textbook and he locked eyes with you. You saw the split second of panic on his face before he almost immediately forced it back. It took him a moment to summon his voice. “If you believe that is best.” 

For just a few moments, a tense silence smothered the lab. 

"Yeah. I'm coming to the next call with you guys," you said, trying and failing to sound firm. “I could show you or one of the guys how to stabilize the sample long enough to get it here, but it’d take a few weeks. The entity will disappear after Sagittarius passes tomorrow. We’d have to wait at least another year for it to come back.”

You searched his face as he kept his gaze intently on the textbook, avoiding your eye. “You don’t seem too thrilled about me going.” 

He swallowed. “It’s something I’d have to get used to again,” he said. “That's all.” 

You sighed. "You used to get so excited when I'd go on busts with you…"

His eyes flitted to the thick scars torn along your forearm.

You followed his gaze and yanked your sleeve down to your wrist, your face burning. “I think more than enough time has passed for me to start going on field-calls again, don’t you think?”

He stayed quiet, his gaze still on your arm. After a moment, he cleared his throat and glanced at his watch. “It’s 2:58,” he said, a bit strained. “Our debriefing for tomorrow’s call is in two minutes, so we’d better head upstairs.”

“Please don’t avoid my question.”

He fiddled with his collar and clenched his jaw, avoiding your eye. “Can we discuss this later?”

You sighed again. “Alright.”  

The other boys were already seated around the kitchen table and munching on snacks when the two of you entered. The homemade rat-trap Egon designed sat ominously beneath the table, sizzling quietly. 

Winston popped open a can of seltzer and leaned back in his chair. “Any updates on identifying our mystery ghostie?”

“We’re looking at a revenant of Buer,” you said. “It’s a low-level demonic entity. Pretty mellow.”

“I thought the Shandor freaks killed them all off seventy years ago,” Peter said.

“I did, too,” you said. “But I think this one may be the last of its kind. In all honesty this call can be skipped because the demon is gonna disappear once Sagittarius is over tomorrow.”

“‘But’?” Peter prodded, sensing your excitement. 

A small smile crept across your lips. “But I really, really would love to get an ectoplasm sample off it. So if you decide to keep it booked, I’m gonna tag along on this one.”

Excitement exploded between the three boys, their cheers and delight deafening in the small kitchen. Peter accidentally kicked the rat trap in his excitement and yelped with the jolt of electricity that shot up his foot. Egon remained quiet, his face a bit pale. Winston cracked open another can of seltzer and forced it into Egon’s hand, somewhat concerned that Egon was about to vomit next to him. 

Once the boys tired out their celebrations, Ray asked, “What sort of danger are we looking at?”

“None, really. It won’t attack unless attacked, but it’ll try to scare the crap out of you. It’s really only a two-person job, so a few of you could stay behind if you’d like." Your gaze momentarily flitted to Egon, but he averted his eyes.

“Are you kidding?!” Ray asked eagerly, practically bouncing out of his seat. “Your first bust after three months and a one-night-only one-of-a-kind ghost? We should all go! If Janine was here then we’d make her come, too!” 

“Anything special with this demon?” Peter asked, rubbing his foot, “Or is it just the typical ‘trap it in a salt circle’ routine?”

“We’re just gonna trap it in a salt circle and harvest some goo,” you said. “Nothing special.”

Winston finished his seltzer. “Anything else before meeting adjourned?” 

“Yes, actually,” Egon said, his voice uncharacteristically authoritative, but a bit cracked. He cleared his throat. “I want you all to re-read the first-aid protocols and be especially cognizant of emergency procedures. I myself am taking the time to do so as soon as the meeting’s over.” 

Peter cocked an eyebrow. “You’re giving us homework? Don’t you think that’s being a bit—ow!” he gasped when Winston kicked him under the table. 

“We’ll get it done, doc,” Winston said brightly, getting to his feet. “Good chat, everyone! I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

The meeting ended and all the boys went their separate ways: Winston, Ray, and Peter headed home, and Egon returned to the lab. You decided to stay in the kitchen and make yourself something to eat, both because you were hungry and because you wanted to give Egon a bit of space. 

Egon had all the medical kits out on a lab table when you went back into the lab, a clipboard next to each one.

“Whatcha doing, Spengs?” you asked, placing a full plate on his desk. 

“I’m double-checking the first-aid kits’ inventories to make sure everything is in-place.” 

“Oh, I see. What’s that one you’ve got? I don’t recognize it.”  

He tilted the ampule in his hands so it was a bit so the label was easier for you to read: Norepinephrine intramuscular injection. “This is for only the most dire of situations. It increases blood pressure in the event of severe but controlled blood loss to prevent hypoxia and subsequent organ damage. In layman's terms, it temporarily makes the remaining blood in the body more efficient at moving oxygen.” 

"That’s a pretty intense little item there."

He placed it back into the kit. “There was a time where it was needed and not available. That is a scenario that must never happen again.” 

The remorse of his voice made your heart sink a bit. “Makes sense,” you said, not wanting to make him pursue the topic any further. “Anyways, who’s your connection for all this kind-of-not-legal medical stuff you got a hold of?” 

“My old roommate in my undergraduate dorm.”

You cocked your head a bit. “I thought Ray was your undergrad roommate.”

“Yes, he became my roommate after the first one went to jail.”

“Why?” 

“Crime, presumably.” 

You grabbed one of his coats off the coat rack and pulled it over your shoulders. "It's getting late. I'm gonna head home before it gets dark out."

"Alright, sweetheart." He walked over to you and pulled you in for a kiss on your brow. "I'll see you in a couple of hours."

Egon was still rummaging through the medical kits when Peter came trotting down the stairs. Egon, figuring that he was simply down there to swipe a treat from the sweets’ drawer, said, “Careful with the rat trap, Venkman. I don’t want you getting burned again.”

"Spengler." Egon turned around to see Peter standing in front of him, uncharacteristically serious. “How are you?”

The question threw Egon for a bit of a loop. “I’m doing well, thank you.” 

Peter planted his hands firmly on Egon’s shoulders. “Eegs, bud, I love you,” he said in a surprisingly tender voice. “And I don’t want to sound like an ass, but I’m calling BS. You look like absolute shit. Winston is keeping emesis bags in his pocket because you look like you’re ten seconds away from throwing up. We’re worried about you.”

Egon sighed, suddenly looking very tired. He reached forward and grabbed Peter’s shoulder, returning the gesture in a rare moment of affection. “I think that, once tomorrow is over, we’ll all be better off for it.” 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Egon's face was stuck to the pillow in a mess of dried tears when he awakened, exhausted, his heart pounding in his chest. He instinctively reached forward to feel your warmth, but your side of the bed was empty and cold. The bedroom was bathed in the deep, rich blue of the cold early morning, illuminating its interior with a soft glow.   

He stumbled into the restroom and cringed with the sharp ache that settled behind his eyes when he switched the light on, not yet fully shaken from the waves of sleep, his hands tightly gripping either side of the sink. He squeezed his eyes shut to give them a moment to adjust to the harshness of the fluorescent light and soon managed to open them without fuss. The reflection in the mirror was somewhat blurred without his glasses, but he saw the redness and swelling around his eyes, the rawness of his nose and the flush in his cheeks. He blew his nose with some toilet paper, splashed water on his face, but it did little to conceal his congestion or the discoloration on his cheeks. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. He stood completely still for a moment, trying to calm the blood pounding in his ears. 

He saw your silhouette sitting on the couch in the dim morning glow when he entered the living room, curled up near the armrest. You were scribbling equations in your notebook, trying to clean up the stats of your most recent experiments as your hot morning cocoa steamed on the nearby coffee table, perilously close to the portable computer. You were in pajamas, bundled up in his old coat that was far too large for you, cozy in the chilly winter morning.

It was really you this time. Warm, loving, safe.

And alive.

“You’re up early,” you said simply, switching your focus to your clunky laptop.

He came up from behind and snaked his arms around you, rested his chin on your shoulder, his flushed cheek pressed against yours. The position would very quickly grow uncomfortable for him, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to be close to you, to feel your presence pressed directly against himself, despite the muscles in his back already searing in protest. 

You reached over your shoulder and ran your fingers through his plushy hair, still typing with your free hand. “Hey, Spengs.” You awkwardly craned your neck and quickly planted a few small kisses on his face, nipping a bit at the bridge of his nose, but it didn’t yield a reaction, as if he didn’t register it. You chalked it up to him still being half-asleep and resumed typing on the laptop. 

"I can’t seem to get this ANOVA to run properly…” you muttered to yourself, staring intently at the laptop screen. “I’ve got the fixed effect models running. I’ve got all the means programmed in. I’ve got the confounds accounted for…” You idly flexed your wrist and stretched your arm up to relieve a bit of tension starting to build up from hours of typing. “The CSV is running. I double-checked all the data sets. Something is wrong…” you grumbled, unaware that your sleeve slipped down to your elbow, fully revealing the long, pale scars torn along your forearm. 

The sight sent a harsh jolt of dread down his spine. He squeezed his eyes shut. 

You were completely engrossed in your work as your fingers flashed over the keyboard, whispering obscenities at the numerous error windows popping up. 

He reflexively tightened his grip around you, almost painfully. He started shaking and his breath hitched in his throat. You stopped typing. He felt the immediate change in your demeanor and he knew he'd been found out. 

“Bad night?”

He didn’t answer.  

You gently shut the laptop, its fans angrily whirring, and propped it up so the vents would cool. “Let’s get back to bed.”

In the bedroom, you slipped into the bed behind him and wrapped your arms around him, throwing your leg over him to pull yourself as close to him as you could, tucking his head under your chin. “Hey, Spengs.” 

He grabbed one of your hands and pressed a kiss to your palm, held it against his cheek, feeling the slightest bit of the tension in his stomach unwind from the warmth of your touch. 

You knew the answers to the questions you were about to ask, but you wanted to hear them said in his own words. “What are you feeling?”

A moment of silence passed. 

His voice was thick and quaking when he was finally able to summon it, breaking the tremulous silence. “Dread.”

“About?”

“Tonight.” He cleared his throat. “It isn’t my decision to make for you, nor should it be,” he said, holding your hand to his chest. “And I really, really want to try and convince you to reconsider, but I shouldn’t, because objectively, your choice is perfectly rational.” He swallowed. “But, I’m terrified, and I want to want you to go, but I don’t. To be perfectly honest, I think yours is the best idea for putting a new foot forward, but I’m absolutely dreading it with every fiber of my being.”

 "Maybe you should sit it out."

He shook his head. “I think I need this call much more than you do.”

You were inclined to agree, but you kept that to yourself. “I think it’ll be good for both of us.” You adjusted your position to one a bit more comfortable. “Try to get some sleep, Spengs.”

He stayed quiet, holding your hand tightly to his chest. He trembled from the tension radiating across his body. 

“I’ll stay here for a while, if you’d like.” 

He took a breath and sighed deeply, and you felt some of his tension relax.

“Thank you.” 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The Ecto-One was parked just outside the large tunnel of a decayed storm drain covered in layers of  faded graffiti, with sickly pale yellow weeds growing in its numerous cracks. The day was just passing into evening, the sun sat swollen and red on the horizon as everyone readied their gear. The smog caused the glowing skyline to flicker, blurring the boundary between the city and the darkening sky.

All the boys now had their own emergency medical kit strapped to their proton pack, which added an additional five pounds to its heavy bulk. You opted to skip carrying a proton pack, instead carrying a large bag with refrigerated canisters and numerous tools for sample collecting. You stuffed a freshly harvested rabbit from the butcher into one of your oversized jumpsuit pockets, along with a few stones of Aztec turquoise. 

Winston finished strapping on his equipment and looked around. “It’s exactly as we left it,” he said brightly. “Disgusting.” 

“Oh, hey!” Peter trotted to the front of the tunnel and pointed to a large scorch mark. “This is where I blew up that one cult lady!” He put his hands on his hips. “Can’t believe it’s still here three years later,” he mused. 

“Do you mean a ghost?” you asked as you prepped your streptolysin solutions. “Or did you blow up a live person?”

“Oh, I absolutely blew up a person. Oh!” He trotted over to another, much larger scorch mark. “And here’s where Egon nailed two at once!” 

You snickered and glanced at Egon. Ray was muttering to him as the two readied their gear. Egon's hands were violently shaking as he struggled to secure the straps of his proton pack around his chest. Ray gently put his hands over Egon’s and held them steady until each strap was buckled into place. You turned away,  providing them a bit of discretion.

“Why do I have to be the one to lure it out?” Peter whined.

“You volunteered for it,” Winston said. “But I’ll do it instead if you’d like.”

“No,” Peter said. “I want to do it.” 

You held up the PKE meter, and it started glowing. “It’s resting in the tunnel.”

Peter poured out a half-circle of blessed salt with about a ten-foot radius, and stood just behind it, with its open end facing the tunnel. 

“You remember how to lure it out?” she asked. 

Peter nodded, rubbed his hands together, and cupped them over his mouth. “Oh, boy!” he hollered. “I would sure love to make a deal to acquire some supernatural knowledge in exchange for my delicious, tender Kosher-friendly flesh!” 

You cocked an eyebrow at his crass phrasing, but now was not the time to acknowledge it. 

The PKE meter flared in your hand just as the scent of rancid meat flooded the clearing. 

Something began stirring from within the tunnel. Slowly, the demon uncurled from its sleeping position and stood up. Its flesh was partially rotted away and hanging from its skeleton, wet and gangrenous; it stood on gangly lion-like paws, emaciated; its arms dragged on the ground as it moved forward, painful and slow, very hesitant to put weight on one of its legs. The creature was grotesque, deformed and decaying as it slowly limped towards Peter, walked into the center of the circle and halted a few feet from him.

“Hello, beautiful,” he said pleasantly. “You  don’t really look like the picture you placed in the Singles Newspaper ads.” 

“Reddite carnem vestram, desertam a pastore vestro te ducere cognitionis deo,” the creature growled at Peter, its breathing labored and ragged between its words, unaware that you were rapidly pouring salt on the ground and closing the circle. 

"Oh, I'm very flattered. But, I'm married. Dana already has claim to my flesh. You’ll need to take it up with her before we go through with anything." 

You gave him a thumbs-up and he nodded back at you. “She’s trapped in there, right? No way to get out?” 

“She could decorporealize her form and remanifest in her home realm,” Egon piped up, his deep voice somewhat strained. “But, in our world, she’s limited to the perimeter of the salt circle.”

“Good. I wanna see what will happen if I say something Christian-y to her.”

“Don’t say something Christian-y to her!” you, Ray, Egon, and Winston all exclaimed at once. 

Peter stood at the edge of the salt circle and locked eyes with the beast, his mouth twisted into a devious sneer. “Bless you.” 

The creature shrieked in outrage and Peter yelped as he was showered with a harsh downpour of ectoplasm. He stood rigid for a moment with his head ducked, absolutely drenched in thick, hot goo as the creature paced in the salt circle, shaking its head. “You never mentioned that she could slime the hell out of us,” he said, dripping ectoplasm on the ground. “Would’ve been useful info to have. Thanks.”

“I didn’t know Buerian entities could do that!” You couldn’t hide the excitement in your voice. “This is going to be the first documented report of it ever happening.” 

“Guys, I’m gonna tap out on this one,” Peter said flatly. He walked a few paces, every movement accompanied by a wet squelch, and laid down on his back with his arms outstretched. “Goodnight.” 

You started walking towards the salt circle. The creature snarled at your approach and Egon instinctively seized your forearm with an iron grip, but immediately let go when you gasped, “Ow!” 

“I’m sorry,” he stammered quickly, struggling to keep the quiver in his chest from reaching his voice. 

The beast cackled in delight. “Ab hoste maligno defende me, Anima Christi,” it croaked jeeringly, baring several rows of filthy human teeth. 

“We don’t mean you harm,” you said, walking up to the edge of the salt circle and bowing. “Do you speak English?”

The PKE meter in your hand whirred excitedly and rapidly flashed through different color signals, jerking back and forth in your hand like a captured fish and almost jumping out of your grip. 

The creature hissed again and backed itself as far as it could within the confines of the salt circle. "What is that?!"

"Spectrometer. It helps us find spirits." You silenced the PKE meter and stuck it in your back pocket, your head still bowed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m actually very excited to meet you.” 

After warily eying you for a moment, the creature lowered its hackles and bowed its head in return. 

“I brought you some gifts, and I have some questions if it’s okay with you,” you said, stepping into the salt circle. The creature cocked its head as you laid the rabbit and turquoise on the ground. “Who is your master?”

“I serve my Lord and Shepherd Buer, master of knowledge and power,” it growled, lifting the rabbit up by one foot and looking it over. “Commander of The Fifty Legions and the greatest of Kings. Praise be to Him.” 

“Are you the last of his legion in our world?” you asked. 

The creature hungrily sank its teeth into the rabbit’s belly with a sickening squelch and tore out a mouthful of innards, swallowing them without chewing. “Yes. Until my Lord ascends from the depths and lays claim to this world as an expansion of His kingdom.” 

“Thanks for the heads up!” Ray piped up from behind the salt circle. “That is incredibly foreboding.” 

The creature cackled in amusement, its teeth and chin filthy with gore. “It is upon the nature of your shepherd to keep you sheep ignorant of your impending slaughter. My ilk is that of knowledge, which you so scornfully cast away as the original sin for fear of what it may unearth.” 

“How many languages do you know?” Ray asked.

“My good and generous Lord blesses me and my brethren with knowledge of all tongues of Man. Can you truthfully say the same for your Lord your kind so desperately grovels to?” It bit the head off the rabbit with a swift crunch and swallowed it whole. “Can you even guarantee the merit of your beliefs?”

“That’s a pretty loaded question,” Ray said. “We vacuumed up a chumbo out of a Caribbean restaurant last month, and an oni at the Shinto temple four days ago, so I don’t know what the heck is happening on your guys’ side of the realm. You should consider unionizing.” 

“The sun is due soon," you said to the beast as it gnawed on its rabbit, "and you can't stay here. I don't want to leave you trapped here to cook at dawn, and I don't want to lock you away in a box to decay for your last few hours. Sagittarius will be over today. You should go home."

“Did she just tell it to go to hell?” Peter muttered to himself. 

The beast chuckled at Peter's remark, but kept its attention on you. "You are the most cordial of exorcists. Perhaps the fearful grip of your Lord is slipping? Why does He so jealousy forbid knowledge in His domain?” It bowed its head again. “For your generous gift of flesh, I shall take my leave per your request back to the domain of mine Lord Father upon this dying breath of the sigil.” The beast quickly devoured the rest of the rabbit and crossed its arms over its chest. 

“Nearer mine God to thee, oh great Lord of Buer. May it serve thee well.”

A pop, a flash of black flames, and the creature was gone, leaving behind a scorched mark in the dirt. 

You pulled the PKE meter out of your back pocket and switched it back on, but it remained silent. “It's gone.” 

"Woo!" Ray hollered, pumping his fist in the air. "A bust can't go any more perfectly than that!"

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard as much blasphemy as I did tonight,” Winston mused. “But she was very polite.”

You bent over and pocketed the turquoise, now colored black. “Oh, yeah. Higher intelligence demons are pretty affable. It’s easier to sway people by being friendly.” 

“Yeah, I found her to be incredibly friendly, YN," Peter said bitingly. "Just like you said."

You walked over to Peter, who was still lying flat on his back with his arms outstretched, absolutely filthy with ectoplasm, and crouched down next to him. “How are you doing, Pete?” 

"She slimed me…" he said flatly.

“That’s great!” Winston and Ray said in unison.

"Stay still," you said, pulling out a field sample kit from your bag. 

"You and Janine are the experts," he said as you swiped a swab across his forehead. "How can I get this stuff out of my hair in time for our dinner tomorrow?"

"Let it soak in unrefined coconut oil for about two hours, then wash it out twice with lukewarm water and a shampoo with sodium laureth sulfate as its main surfactant. Don't use hot water because the slime will cook in your hair like scrambled eggs and be a nightmare to wash out."

Peter sat up. "Do you swear by this method?"

"Yeah." You snapped off the swab inside the collection tube and screwed on its lid. "It works pretty w—”

Plap. 

“Ah!" you yelped when Peter slapped a handful of ectoplasm on top of your head. "My hair!" you whined. You ran your hand through your hair and pulled away a handful of hot, stringy slime, absolutely disgusted. "Peter!" 

"You're a Ghostbuster again, girlie. Get used to—AAAAH!" he yowled when you tackled him over with a vicious snarl, spattering slime all over the place as you wrestled him to the ground. 

“Alrighty, kids. Break it up before I have to call your parents.” Winston tapped your heel with his boot and you released Peter. 

“Second time this month I’ve had to rescue you from your own sister, Venkman,” Winston said as you got to your feet, completely covered in a thick, mucousy layer of slime from head to toe and smiling like a goon. 

You turned to Egon, who no longer looked like he was seconds away from becoming violently ill, and handed him back the PKE meter, now absolutely drenched in filth. He was still trembling a bit from residual nervousness, but the familiar gleam that had been missing for the past few  months had partly returned to his tired eyes. "I'm proud of you. You did well." 

You grinned at him with absolute delight, globs of fluorescent ectoplasm dripping off her head like raw egg whites. “I got my Buerian ectoplasmic sample.” 

“Yes, I see. You’ve got about a gallon of it dripping off your head.”

“I think you need a hug, Spengs.” 

"That won't be necessary. I feel much more reassured and my stress will greatly decrease in the coming hours once the cortisol in my blood is metabolized an—Oh…" Egon muttered in defeat as you pulled him into a tight hug with a sickening squelch, trying to get as much ectoplasm on him as you could. A smile slowly crept across his lips. "Oh, yes. Thank you, sweetheart. Yes, I love you, too." 

"I also love you, Eegs," Peter said as he approached Egon with open arms.

"I love you as long as you stay at least five feet away from me right now, Venkman."

Peter put his arms down. "Yeah, alright. That's fair." 

Part 2

[keelt9]

Chapter 5

Masterlist

“Y/N!” Pam screams, shaking her hand in front of me. “We’re in the middle of something.” Pam and I had been talking about the next review I sent to the writer until I saw my phone, discover I text from Joe.

It is Super Bowl week, of course he is involved in all the events around this week. After an extremely strange week at home where Joe and I started to talk more frequently, not like the old times but every time he stops by the coffee shop, he’s determined that I believe in every single one of his words.

“Sorry, sorry, what do you say?” Pam rolls her eyes and repeats the same words, by the third time.

After another 45 minutes of meeting we agreed on the final suggestion to send it. Pam stands grabbing her stuff to go to her office. 

“Will you tell me soon?” She pointed to my phone, then the new box of chocolates at the back of my desk. “I’ll contain my excitement, I swear.” 

“See you next week Pam.” She whine but left my office settle with that, beside the fact that my answer wasn’t a <no>

The text of Joe was photo of him making a wry face with a cup of coffee to the level of his eyes with the phrase <Taste better if you agreed to come with me.>

<Probably you didn’t sweeten properly.> I replied to him, the instant answer took me by surprise. 

“<Teach me, please.>

I cover my face, putting my forehead on my desk. This is tougher than I think will be.

With just one month more from vacation I decided to definitely stop and rest, I finished my manuscripts all sent for the revision of the authors. With all the attention Claire has with me it seems properly I notify her in person that just as plain text.

It starts to make a habit of Pam greeting me with incomplete information. “You better be joking!” 

I rolled my eyes but this time the excitement came in combo. Claire's assistant, Kate, walked fast and reached me in the lobby with the same expression as Pam.

“Y/N, you have a visitor.” Useless to try to cover emotion. 

I clearly don’t set an appointment. “I don’t have a meeting schedule.” 

Kate nods effusively and clears her throat. “It addresses as him.” 

Then I turned around all the females and male eyes on me, someone the same intrigue, suspicious and a few hateful stares.

“Oh, I… Sure, thanks, am.” I grabbed Pam's arm trying to hold onto something but she squeezed my hand and practically screamed.

“GO!”

The slowest 16 seconds to arrive at my office, the moment I opened my door, of course him, is no more than Joe Burrow.

I close my door and I keep stuck to it. “What are you doing here?” He just turned around in the chair smiling. 

I was practically thrown from the door because Clare opened it, seeing her tablet not even noticing if there was someone else inside.

“Jesus, it’s stuck or something, I’ll send someone to check now that you’ll be out.” I tried to interrupt her but she kept talking. “I reviewed the last manuscript, beautiful, now, sent the files for the meeting to Pam and you’re free to go.” 

“Claire.” I cover my face but when she has something to say it’s hard to stop.

“Remember you promise to be out for a month. Don’t you dare even see the chat.” Finally she raises her eyes and notices my panicked expression and the guy behind me. “Oh.” 

She sees me controlling every millimeter of her face. “You're busy, sorry, I’ll go, have a nice rest.”

I tried to follow her but she closed the door, so I just faced the wood of the door.

“A month, huh?” I scoff imagining that mischievous smile on his face.

Turning around I confirm it, he’s standing hands in front of him, smiling at me. Joe is already scheming something in his head.

I came with one goal in mind: a simple delivery to Pam of sketches, however it turns out people keep walking outside of my office like bees to honey.

I opened the door of Pam’s office, she was in the middle of a call but made signs that passed and sat down.

“All right, I’ll call you when I have the approbation, ok, bye.” She hung out, closed her laptop and put full attention on me. “Let it out.”

I laugh at the way her cheeks start to win a red color. “I don’t know what to say.”

Pam bluffs and rolls her eyes. “Well, you better start with the fact a quarterback was in your office.” 

“He is.” 

Pam choke took the sketches out of my hands and pulled me from the chair. “Get out of my office, and attend your visit.” 

“Pam.” She turned me around and giggled. 

“Don’t worry about nothing, text me the last details, and I will be in charge of everything.” She jumps and pushes me out of her office.

I made the same eye-siding walk to my office. When I told Joe I just came to give a file, he insisted on waiting for me, whatever he will stay in Chicago until tomorrow, I quote. <At least.>

“Ready.” I opened the door and he's playing Mario but quickly turned it down and looked at me. “Are you hungry?  We can go to eat something.”

 He smiles at me. “I have a few places in mind.”

“You’re driving me crazy.” I walked and picked up my stuff, but he let me freeze.

“I hope in a good way.” Joe winks at me after I see him.

I prepared mentally for a chaotic exit but all were way too shy for even raising their sight. As we reached the elevator one of the boys who was waiting, put his hand on the door so we could walk inside.

Joe shook his head. “We’ll take the stairs, thank you.” 

The boy nods and lets the door close, I look surprised at him. “You’re afraid of the elevators, it’s ok, I don’t mind take my time”

I knew it, every place which Joe crossed or stepped inside he’s the focus of people's attention. Years ago of course he stole glances but now it is a notorious increase.

At the end of the day,  I felt really uncomfortable even though I tried to hide it. “I'm so…”

We got into my car and started to drive, the apologetic expression on him, I tried to erase it  giggling.

“I understand I mean, you are Joe Burrow, I got it.” He smiles and I can see it quickly. “Well, where will I drive you?”

Joe pressed his lips together. “You didn't have a hotel, yet?”

I park at the side of the street, but he laughs. 

“It was a last minute trip, I packed my bag and I came, details could be fixed on the way.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Any place it's fine, thanks.”

I roll my eyes and keep driving for another 15 minutes, as we remain talking about the most unusual topics.

Joe opened the big crystal doors of the building. “Here we are.” 

He smiles but I pull him to the elevator, heavier than I thought, definitely the stairs were out of mind. “This is a joke?” 

“Ok, it isn't a five star hotel, I'm sorry but I think you could be a little bit comfy.” Like every time on an elevator I grip my bag and eat a candy, trying to keep my mind distracted.

I digit the number on the door. “It's your home!” The quickie tone of his voice made it impossible to contain laughter but I did it.

“You said no matter, so I mean, it doesn't have room service, but I being modest, it's a pretty big place.” He saw me as he's asking to explore, I nod.

Like a kid, he starts to watch every corner, room, window. I lost count of the times, I told him about my dream of having a big apartment just for my own, now I made it come true.

Joe watches the wall with photos carefully when one catches his attention.

“Can I? I walked next to him to see the photo he pointed.

I gave it to him. “It's me and Archie, 3 weeks old.” We were in Pete's home as I carefully held him, grabbing his little hand. “I was trembling, but I never felt so much love for a boy.” 

Joe smiles and puts it back to the wall, and sees me straight to my eyes. 

“Lovely.” He whispers.

We spend the night watching movies, even documentaries of whales, falling asleep in the living room.

The next morning I woke up for a soft move, as I opened my eyes I realized I fell asleep on Joe's shoulder and I felt his head over mine.

I lift my head from his shoulder, but he smiles at me. “My bad, I wanted to sneeze.” 

The clock on my wall marks 8 am. I slept 30 minutes more than usual when I didn't have to go to work. 

“I don't know when I fell asleep.” I stretch my arms and legs. 

Joe did the same as he stands. “The last time I checked my phone was 4 am.”

I opened my eyes, he could wake me so he can rest comfortably in the room, but he didn't. “You should wake me up, I'm pretty sure you were uncomfortable.” 

Joe clicks his tongue and walks to the window. “I slept like a baby.”

Yeah, right.

He looks fresh even after sleeping, sitting on a couch with an extra weight on his shoulder, but the smile on his face makes him look…like  he sleeps in the most calm place, a brand new version of him from me. 

“Breakfast?” My own question was answered with a growling on my stomach. 

“Because I’m hungry.” He giggles. “If you want you can take a shower while I’ll prepare something, nothing Michelin but hey, I can hold my ground.” 

Joe nods as he follows me to the guest room where he left his bag thinking he would sleep there.

I give him things he could need but he seems already working on something in his mind.

After I place a towel in the correct place, I turn around looking at him. “Do you need anything else?” 

“I'm fine, don't worry.” I nod but stop on the door before leaving him.

“Anything special for breakfast? Please, anything extravagant.” He laughs.

“Y/N, you know even if you prepare a burnt toast I'll eat it and say it's the best thing in the world.” I smile. “I mean the chances you prepare something like that are like lower than 0 but you understand me.”

“Ok, ok, Mr. Burrow, it's not picky today, I'll get it.” I close the door leaving him and me with a soft smile.

The breakfast was pretty simple, fruit, not-burned toast, pancakes, orange juice and for me, coffee. We spend the time talking, putting ourselves through the day with things we feel uncomfortable talking about in a restaurant.

“Don't, don't move a finger.” He takes the plates from my hands. “You cook, I'll clean.”

“Right, so, I’m going to take a shower, hmm, feel like you're home.” I stand feeling shy and his eyes on me as I walk to my room.

The water helps me to relax but I realize how surreal this day has been. As I put my clothes on and I look in the mirror I see the shine on my eyes and the smile that unconsciously forms on my lips.

“Y/N, I'm finishing a session with a tough groom, could you…” I don’t mind waiting but this time if I don’t tell someone I’ll explode.

“I’m falling in love again.” 

Hearing my own words…make it real, it’s not even more a question that’s been lingering on my mind, it’s a fact.

Leah doesn’t answer, I imagine two scenarios, she's freaking out or she's blank. “Leah?”

I heard her close some kind of door. “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OMG.” I hide my face between my hands. “You…You can’t drop an atomic bomb, just like that, ok, I’ll call you late at night for specific details.”

“Leah…” She keeps telling me what she needs to know, as I try to interrupt her. “Leah!” 

Finally, she let me speak. “Joe is here.” The hard sound of her hand on the wall makes me laugh.

“And you’re talking with me?! I’m hanging out, don’t call me until he’s gone.” I imagine her containing a scream. “I love you, bye.”

I toss my hair and feel my heart almost coming out of my chest, one more time I looked at myself in the mirror, still my words repeating over and over again in my mind.

After I calm myself, I walk out, dishes clean and any QB in my kitchen, I frown my eyebrows, but I bouquet of flowers makes me jump on appearing on my way to the living room.

My eyes closed after seeing him, unable to find the right words. “Where did this come from?” Joe shrugged his shoulders.

“Could you look at me one more time?” I raise my eyes one more time. "Anything for that look in your eyes.” 

[frogofalltime]

06.02.2024

as i am no longer taking adhd meds this is not a medication diary anymore but it has been helpful for my mental health to write about my day like this so i will continue it with a new tag :)

i slept very badly; i didn't fall asleep until very late and i kept waking up in the night having weird dreams.

i had to get up at 7:30 which was really hard but i did it. i ate breakfast and got ready and i was two minutes late for my 9am class but it's okay, the most important thing is that i went. i only wrote two lines of notes on the lecture though.

then immediately after that lecture i had a 3-hour long lab class. i did Not have a good time: i was so tired and the lab is so overstimulating even in the best of times, so i was really struggling. i also was very hungry, i think my body is catching up on the food it missed out on last week, so i went out of the lab for a few minutes to eat a snack and tried to mentally recover before i went back to continue working.

as soon as lab was over i had yet another lecture. thankfully this is the class that i have with @etherealspacejelly (seeing robin always cheers me up even if it's the worst day ever). it was just revision of some stuff we learned last year so it wasn't too hard but i was so tired that i just couldn't wait to get out of that room.

finally after 5 hours of back to back classes i finally could take a break. i went to the house where all my friends live to eat my lunch which i had left in the fridge there yesterday, and then i accidentally fell asleep on the sofa for an hour.

when i woke up we had to go to another class and by now i was Not feeling well at all. i had a headache, i was hungry again, i felt overwhelmed, and i just wanted to sleep. i spent most of the class with my head on the desk trying not to have a meltdown.

when that was finally over my friend tried to talk to me but i was unable to speak. i've struggled with this my whole life because i am autistic and i have situational mutism (?) but recently this has been happening every day. i left without saying goodbye and went home and stared at the wall for an hour because i felt like i was going to have a meltdown or cry or throw things around while screaming.

eventually i forced myself to get up and make myself some food and that helped a lot. i ate while reading percy jackson. by the time i had finished eating, i felt much better, though i still couldn't speak to my flatmate when she came in to the kitchen.

i washed my dishes and took a shower (which was very overstimulating, idk why showering has become even harder for me recently, and it was already difficult enough). i considered going to bed but it was only 8pm and i didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night so i decided to do some art instead.

drawing and creative things always improve my mood, but i often don't have the energy to do it, so i'm glad i was able to do that tonight. after that i was feeling hungry again. i was unwilling to eat Again because i already had eaten 3 meals and one snack and eating more than one "treat" food per day is against the Rules. but i know my body wouldn't ask for food if it didn't need it so i made myself some toast with nutella and seeds and i also had some grapes. it was very nice, my favourite kind of food, and i am proud of myself for letting myself eat it.

then i washed my plate and realised i had forgotten to take my antidepressant meds this evening, so i took them when i went to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

now i am in bed and i feel a lot better than i did all day. sometimes i guess i need some rest, a lot of food, a creative outlet, and some Autism Time, otherwise i turn into an insane little creeture.

goodnight everyone, i hope tomorrow is better <3

[lavender-long-stories]

Writers ask, Pic a fic

1,6, 18,26

Wow, these questions are really thought-provoking. Thank you for the ask.

I tend to write all of my work in the same way, so I am going to answer these generally.

1. Start to finish, how long did it take to plan and write? Did you take breaks during the process?

This answer would have been different a few years ago (Lavender Clouds took 4 years to write and had several large gaps in uploads), but now I'm pretty consistent.

I do not plan a whole story before I start posting with it, but I do write a few chapters to make sure that it feels like it can continue to carry itself. For some stories, I vaguely know where I want them to go and how they will end, but for most, I am going on vibes alone.

It's hard to tell how long it would take me to write one story from start to finish because I am never working on just one story. But, I think, looking at my history over the last two years, I would say you could assume that it took more or less as many weeks to write in full as the story has chapters because the multi-stories set up paces me.

I like to take my breaks by working on other stories. I tend to average about 8-12 chapters a week but that is usually spread across 5-7 stories.

I have a habit of writing 10 chapters for one story and then not touching it for 2 months. Which is why I only release one chapter a week even when I am way way ahead of that.

6. How did you decide what tense and POV(s) to use?

For all my stories, I write 3rd person, past tense. I do that because my brain does not understand any other.

For POV, I tend to switch freely between the main couple and whoever else is relevant to the story to give you a piece of information that the main couple may not know. I usually use the POV of whoever has the most incite to the situation or who will be more impacted by it.

For example, if you have a breakup scene, depending on the context, the person being broken up being blindsided is the focus, or the person breaking up with them and the reason would be the focus. Depends on which you are trying to highlight.

For most scenes, either POV would do. One might just have a cuter thought process about the situation that I would enjoy writing more.

18. Talk about your editing and revision process

My whole writing process for every story is: - Write whole chapter - Do one read through edit - Put in to posting pile - After the story has been completely posted for like 6 months, go back and do more thorough editing

I do not like sitting in the same scenes for too long. I want to move on.

Occasionally, because I write a few chapters ahead of my posting schedule, I will notice something that I want to change about the story and will go back and move some details around, but that is rare. Only happens every few stories.

26. Share your favorite detail

I love details that are just kind of 'useless fluff.' I like to add little things like a seemingly unnecessary to plot conversation or an outing to the serves nothing more than just to be cute.

Domestic things like being upset about laundry, sweet moments, and being comfortable in bed.

Not everything is relevant. Not every scene is important to the plot.

I think it makes my world feel more lived in, but I know it can drive some people mad.

Chekhov would shoot me.

This is for this fic writer ask

✿ 𝙰𝙾𝟹 𝙰𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 𝙻𝚒𝚗𝚔 ✿