#one thing about meditation practice is accepting that that's going to happen in longer meditation sessions - esp in a cross-legged seat

[soysaucevictim]

Exercise docket = done.

Day 2 of LIIT was done at Level 3. Def worked up a sweat here. Manageable work, the calf raises were most Sensory Heaven aspect to this (in combo with the brisk cardio aspect to this). =w=

Day 2 of Zen was 10' meditation. Was a bit annoyed abt phone not having connectivity to DL a an interval app or something. But I just used the onboard timer, that was on me for lack of prep.

Regardless, was just focusing on my breath, chilling in front of floor fan. Legs fell asleep, even if I adjusted them at least once. Awkwardly, waking them up after a sesh ill never not be funny to me. :,D

Saved DD for last - to determine where my energy was. 1' [full] side plank hold. Managed it in one go of 30"/30", took some deep breathes and a mild amount of strain. But it wasn't too bad~

[jahayla-parker]

King Of My Heart : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader Series

Part 8

For warnings, descriptions, and previous parts, see series masterlist here.

Y/n stared blankly at her reflection in the shiny mirror a few feet before her. Her brows were furrowed faintly and lips curled downwards into a slight pout. Her posture and facial expressions reflected in the mirror matched her inner frustration. Y/n was deeply confused and annoyed.

Y/n wanted to be relaxed and carefree. But, once again Nikolai wrecked that. Even though she found herself unexpectedly having time to sneak off to the dance studio, she wasn’t exactly happy. Nikolai had stopped y/n on the way to their trade meeting this evening. She had been prepared for him to hurl some insult her way. Only, he instead told her that she was no longer needing to attend the nightly trade meetings.

Y/n wanted to just accept Nikolai’s statement and run with it. Trade meetings were the worst. Plus, it would mean one less mandatory meeting spent with the Prince. However, last time she skipped the trade meeting, it had gotten back to her parents and she’d gotten in trouble. So, she couldn’t risk trusting that Nikolai wasn’t lying about it in hopes that it would happen again.

Y/n wasn’t sure she believed him, and Nikolai sensed as much so he had shown her the signed letter from the King stating she’d that was not needed in attendance at those meetings anymore. So, y/n had, of course, then asked the Prince why she didn’t need to be there suddenly. That’s when things shifted. Nikolai told y/n that he couldn’t stand her being there if all she was going to do was try to correct him or speak over him. Y/n knew they hated each other. But, Nikolai was taking it to the point he was making things up things now?! She knew she had never once spoken over him, nor attempted to correct him. Well, not during this particular type of meeting. Trade was out of her scope of knowledge, and given that she knew about Sturmhond, she always let Nikolai take the lead. Yet, he was now saying she was doing the opposite?

Y/n couldn’t understand it. Why just this meeting? And why was he lying about what she was doing during the meeting? She was half tempted to still attend out of spite. And also to be sure there wasn’t anything going on behind her back as it was all too suspicious. However, she had to admit she was pulled to use the free time in the studio more. Her desire to practice her ballet outweighed her curiosity and concern. Plus, she determined she wouldn’t likely know what was going on even if she did attend nor if she spent the time spying on the meeting taking place in her absence.

Yet, here y/n was, standing in front of the mirror, not dancing. She groaned and ran her hand down her face before she took a deep breath. She needed to focus. She could stress about that all later; now was the only time she’d have to use the studio though. She closed her eyes and repeated the reminder as a form of meditation before she began her stretches.

Nikolai glanced over at the gold encrusted clock on the far wall. It had only been twenty minutes into the two hour meeting. Yet, he had already found that his attention waning and his eyes were lingering on the doorway even as the rounds of merchants updated him. He took a sip of his kvas as he nodded along to the latest update.

As another merchant began complaining about the weather making their latest shipment of sugar and jelly harder, Nikolai had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. There were far more important things he could be doing now rather than reassuring nervous merchants that the kingdom understood bad weather could impact trade routes and delivery estimates. As such, when he watched the next man hesitate as he slowly approached the Prince, Nikolai called it. “Anyone else who has run into trouble after Storm Sashan can rest easy knowing Ravka recognizes this and sympathies with you,” he stated as he rose from his dais. “Should you find yourself needing resources due to any decreased compensation from such troubles, please see Sentinel Baranov. You’ll find him near the office on the left of the second floor to the palace,” he advised politely. “Anyone with other issues, please see General Nazyalensky for assistance.” Zoya wasn’t going to be pleased with him. “My apologies, but I have something pressing to attend to,” Nikolai declared as he made his way to the exit he’d been staring at throughout the meeting.

Nikolai rested the side of his head against the wooden doorframe as he watched y/n through the cracked doorway. He knew his friends and family would surely make fun of his facial expressions if he were caught right now. Yet, he still couldn’t help but smile as he find himself awestruck once again at y/n’s flawless dancing.

Nikolai’s irresponsible behavior went on all week. He hadn’t been caught right away as the storm in True Sea had continued for several days resulting in countless trade impacts. It wasn’t until one of the merchants they’d not heard from before Nikolai prematurely left actually needed further help that he’d been caught. As Nikolai had advised in his typical nightly statement, the merchant reached out to Zoya for further help. In turn, Zoya questioned Nikolai’s behaviors. Nikolai had brushed it off by offering a generic response, saying he was needing to be elsewhere. When General Nazyalensky understandably questioned it, he deflected by suggesting that she should take over completely for him at the trade meetings moving forward for awhile. To justify the suggestion, he pointed out that as the second Prince, he was unable to offer much help. Whereas, given it was a storm, Zoya could use her abilities as a squaller to potentially do more or at least have more insight into the storm and its impacts.

General Nazyalensky had her doubts but complied nonetheless as she knew it was her duty to do as asked. That didn’t mean she wasn’t deeply curious to where the youngest Lantsov heir was truly running off to each night.

In his defense, Nikolai wasn’t skipping the trade meeting for no reason. He had a reason. If anyone asked, he could claim to just be trying you get to know his betrothed. After all, she was going to become the Grand Duchess of Udova and daughter-in-law to His Most Royal Majesty, King Alexander the Third, Ruler of the Double Eagle Throne. Therefore, how could anyone deny the importance for Nikolai to get to know her?

Besides, it technically wasn’t a lie. After all, each night that week, Nikolai had left the meeting in order to go watch y/n dance. The sight of her y/h/c shining under the dimmed lights while it was tucked into a bun as she frolicked throughout the room elegantly often stuck with him long into his dreams each night.

After Nikolai had asked Zoya to take his place, that week turned into several more weeks just like it. He knew he was falling hopelessly for the Princess from the first time he saw her so gently and gracefully dancing (instantly thinking about how different it was from how he usually saw her when she was around him) & felt the way he did years ago. The only difference was Nikolai was in deep now. So deep in fact, that after the first week he had arranged for Genya to teach him how to dance. The Prince of course had some basic dance skills given his Royal upbringing. But, he didn’t know ballet, nor did he know how to dance with someone while doing ballet. So, he had to recruit the one person he could trust to know every dance imaginable and would be willing to teach him; Genya Safin.

Nikolai waited until he’d completed several sessions with ease before he joined y/n. That way he’d be less likely to make a fool of himself again in front of her. He had messed up last time when trying to make his feelings known and he didn’t want to do that again. That’s why they hated each other; or rather, why y/n started to hate Nikolai. It was a mistake, but one he couldn’t risk to make again. At the time, Nikolai hadn’t known how she had interpreted it. He thought y/n knew what he’d been about to do and was so disgusted by his interest in her that she began to show her hatred towards him. In turn, he had shielded himself from the hurt by returning said hated. At some point, the hatred felt so natural that Nikolai had forgotten what even started it. But, now he knew better. However, if he messed this up it risked everything as y/n would never believe him explaining himself for that day if he messed up that badly again now.

Tonight, Nikolai had finally summoned up enough confidence to approach y/n. Well, more like he had enough of Genya pushing him to do so, and as she put it, “stop being a creepy stalker and approach her”. Either way, he found himself wandering down the hallway to find y/n tonight. He paused briefly in the doorway, the idea of entering feeling unnerving.

“It’s is a shame no one will dance with you,” Nikolai mumured as he made his way into the old office space.

Y/n spun around and glared at Nikolai. “I was enjoying-,” she groaned.

“The people in this palace really do have bad taste,” Nikolai added with a small smile. When the Princess’s glare softened, he took another step closer.

“Excuse me?” Y/n interrogated. She squinted pointedly at Nikolai in suspicion. “Was that a… compliment?”

“Well,” Nikolai began quietly as he stood before y/n. “You are much more tolerable when dancing,” he smirked.

“How would you know?” Y/n scoffed. She crossed her arms over her chest and analyzed him dubiously.

“I’ve seen it,” Nikolai admitted, his cheeks flushing at the confession. He hoped the light from the chandelier overhead wasn’t highlighting his bashful blush too much.

Y/n raised an eyebrow at the Prince in question. “So, you were.., what? You were watching me?” She shook her head. “Degenerate,” she huffed. “I will have you know that sane women do not find that flattering, moi tsarevich,” y/n remarked.

Nikolai forced himself to roll his eyes. “Well, I will have you know that given that we may have to dance together for the reception coming up, I had to make sure you weren’t going to step on my toes all night,” he said as a coverup.

Y/n hummed dismissively. She shot Nikolai a look as she turned around to resume her dancing. Why did he have to ruin everything? Couldn’t she just have one thing the Prince didn’t intrude on or destroy?

Nikolai shook his head to himself. He threw his head back and glanced up at the sparkling crystals of the chandelier. He took a deep breath as he lowered his head back to center and closed the gap between him and y/n. Nikolai cautiously reached down and grasped her hand.

“What are you doing?” Y/n questioned as she stared at Nikolai in disgust.

"What are we dancing to?" Nikolai asked as he walked backwards. His lips curled up slightly as hesitantly y/n followed him to the center of the wooden floor.

“I was dancing to Zvezdnaya Noch' Lyubvi,” y/n answered slowly. She wasn’t sure what the Prince was up to, but his hand was oddly gentle and hers fit way too properly in it. “By Konstantin Belov,” y/n added. She didn’t know why she was answering a question he hadn’t even asked. But, the still silence and uncharacteristically soft way Nikolai was looking at her made her feel like she had to break the silence. This was getting too weird.

“I propose it would be better as a pas de dux,” Nikolai causally commented. He held y/n’s hand in the air between them in silent question.

“How did you…,” y/n’s timid voice trailed off. “Where did you hear that term?” She wondered, still staring at Nikolai in disbelief.

Nikolai smirked. Thank the Saints for Genya Safin and her infinite knowledge of dances. He innocently shrugged. “Seems maybe I am not as uncultured as you thought,” Nikolai teased, “hmm?” He laughed lightly as y/n sucked in her bottom lip hesitantly but got into her starting position nonetheless.

Nikolai took hold of y/n’s hand, lifting it up in the space between them as he watched her spin around on her toes. He grinned as her facial features softened in time to the dance. He noticed the way she refused to look him in the eye but nonetheless maintained physical contact as they progressed through the moves.

Nikolai gently tugged y/n’s hand towards his chest, his breath suddenly knocked out of his lungs when she elegantly slid into place against him. He stared down at her as he kept her close, their heated breaths increasing the palpable tension between them.

“Don't you dare look at me that way,” Y/n suddenly ordered as she stepped back to begin her next move.

Nikolai’s face flushed as he tried to pull himself together. “Like what?” He asked breathlessly.

“You know what,” y/n hissed. She sent him a sharp side-glare as she completed her Arabesque. “Do not play with me, Nikolai,” she commanded as she lowered her horizontally extended leg back to the wooden floor.

“I am doing no such thing, Princess y/n,” Nikolai assured her. He kept a firm grasp on her hand to ensure she didn’t lose her balance. Not that it appeared as though y/n needed such assistance. He just couldn’t help himself.

“You are looking at me as though you do not hate me,” y/n argued as she spun back into Nikolai’s chest. Her hand was clasped in his and pinned against his torso by her own chest. She gazed up into his eyes as she waited for an answer.

Nikolai blinked slowly as his eyes took in the scene before him. Y/n’s face was slightly flushed from the exercise, her lips plump and slightly pursed as she questioningly stared up at him. “I am trying so hard to hate you still,” He admitted in a barely audible whisper. “But, I no longer know why,” Nikolai confessed as he slowly licked his bottom lip, his eyes resting on her.

“I do,” y/n defended. Although, she couldn’t deny the way her voice sounded far away. She quickly tore her eyes from Nikolai’s. As she spun away from his chest, she closed her eyes; only to find it was as though Nikolai’s hazel eyes were now somehow burned onto the inside of her eyelids.

Nikolai didn’t respond, instead, he resumed watching the Princess dance. His eyes struggled to find a singular point to focus on. Was he to focus on y/n’s delicate fingers as elegantly rolled her free hand out her side in time with the music, her long legs as she extended one swiftly behind her as she spun out of Nikolai’s hold, her lips as she unconsciously let her tongue peak over her bottom lip just enough to moisten it as she focused? He couldn’t decide. His rapidly changing focus nearly caused him to miss the signal for his next movement. Nearly.

Y/N held her demi plié, one hand extended for Nikolai to take once he completed an entrechat. She watched with silent intrigue as Nikolai moved into perfect fifth position. Her lips parted in awe as the Prince gracefully leapt from the ground and executed an impressively refined entrechat.

Heat flowed to Nikolai’s ears as he noticed y/n’s amazement. He fought off a smirk and settled on a charming smile as he took hold of her hand once again. Despite having seemingly impressed the Princess moments ago, he again found himself breathless as the two of them danced around the long forgotten Royal office, their bodies never more than a few inches apart.

Y/n stared into Nikolai’s eyes as he cautiously wrapped his arms around her waist. She noticed how he was consciously respectful of his hand placement despite the closeness between them currently. She rested her free hand on his torso as she left him slowly recline her backwards.

Nikolai focused intently on keeping his hands steady as he hesitantly dipped y/n backwards. It was the final movement to their ballet, but he feared his nerves would get the best of him and he didn’t want to drop her. However, as he looked into her eyes to see if she was worried he’d let her go, he found her to be staring back at him. His cheeks flushed crimson as a bashful smile took over his face. He listened to the peaceful sound of y/n’s breathing as he gazed back admiringly at her.

A million self-directed scolds echoed in y/n’s mind as she practically gaped at the Prince. But she couldn’t help it. When did Nikolai learn to dance? Had his eyes always been that bright? Always had that sunburst effect to them? Y/n wasn’t sure. All she knew was she couldn’t stop surveying their appearance now as Nikolai peered down at her. She felt his warm breath tickle her skin as his eyes appeared closer. Y/n had barely registered that his eyes had closed briefly before she felt his supple lips on hers.

Y/n gasped audibly as Nikolai’s lips parted from hers. She felt him guide her back until she was once again standing straight up. Yet, she felt far dizzier than she ever had before. She instinctively clung onto the satin fabric that was cinched at the Prince’s wrist for balance. “Y-you kissed me,” y/n whispered.

Nikolai chuckled. All the ecstasy he’d felt when his lips met hers briefly shifted into confidence when he saw y/n’s dazed gaze. He smugly bit into his bottom lip and nodded. “You’re stating the obvious, Princess,” he teased.

“But,.. “ y/n huffed quietly. She stepped back infinitesimally, her hand not leaving Nikolai’s wrist for fear of her legs giving out under her. They were still tingling uncontrollably and she wasn’t sure why or how to make it stop. Y/n’s eyes scanned Nikolai’s face with bated breath. “Why?” She asked wispily.

Nikolai smirked. “Because it’s fun,” he answered.

Y/n squinted as her eyes flickered aimlessly. “But… you hate me,” she argued.

“I used to believe that too,” Nikolai admitted. He dropped his cocky smirk and slid the arm y/n was gripping back to himself until he was able to take hold of her hand.

Y/n stared at Nikolai in confusion. Her eyes trailed from their hands back up to his face. “I hate you,” she reminded him, her voice soft.

“Do you?” Nikolai questioned y/n. She had every right to. But, the look on her face right before he’d found the courage to kiss her suggested otherwise. Or, that at a minimum, there might be other feelings there as well.

“Yes,” y/n replied as she glared down at their hands.

“Really?” Nikolai pressed, tilting y/n’s head up with his left thumb.

“Yes,” y/n repeated. She internally scolded herself for how flimsy the word sounded leaving her lips. She needed to get ahold of herself. “Really,” she added defiantly as her face returned to Nikolai’s face. She stared at his right eyebrow, the slightly bushier one, in order to not allow herself to fall into whatever trap she had when looking into his eyes earlier.

Nikolai’s lips curled as a small exhalation left his nose. “I must say, lying does suit you, sweetheart,” he flirted. He wasn’t sure what had suddenly come over him. Maybe it was the potential he saw in y/n’s eyes right before he kissed her. Maybe it was the tension he felt throughout their ballet. Maybe it just his normal confidence finally allowing him to act on the feelings he had harbored for the Princess for ages.

Y/n sharply slid her hand out of Nikolai’s with a pointed gaze. “Do not flirt with me,” she stated defensively. She should’ve known this was all some ruse the Prince was conjuring up. “If I was a fool, I’d think you didn’t actually hate me as much as you say you do."

Nikolai’s smile faltered as y/n’s hand left his. Nonetheless, he kept his head high. “You aren’t a fool, y/n,” he stated. He saw the confusion, hesitancy, and a range of other emotions stir up in the Princess as she squinted at him. He quickly covered up his sudden compliment/confession with a cocky remark. “After all, even my duty couldn’t force me to marry a fool,” he commented.

Y/n huffed and rolled her eyes. “And how does that work when you are the fool, Your Highness?” She taunted.

Nikolai smirked at the familiarity of y/n’s banter. “Admit it,” he dared, stepping closer. “You've always sort of liked me”.

Y/n scoffed and promptly stepped back to keep the distance between them. As much as she wanted to keep the belief this was some trick, she could see the worry in the Prince’s eyes. He should have nothing to fear if it truly were a trap in which he was trying to get y/n to say she liked him. Worse case scenario, he’d not get the chance to tease her for the unrequited feelings he seemed to be implying she had for him. So why did he look afraid? Her scowl shrank as a terrifying possibility came to mind. “You're not...falling for me, are you?" Y/n asked hesitantly.

“I will confess that things were easier when we had set our minds on hating each other,” Nikolai replied. It wasn’t an answer exactly. It wasn’t truly an answer at all. But he didn’t know what else to say.

“Hmm,” y/n mumbled as she tried to read through Nikolai’s words. His vague statement left too much room for misinterpretations. Which was likely his goal. “It would be easier now though to not,” she conceited with a sigh. “So, in the interest of that, do not start these games,” she warned.

“That’s true,” Nikolai nodded. “But-“.

“But, what?” Y/n inquired skeptically.

Nikolai slowly moved closer to y/n. He gave her a warm smile as he gently pulled her hands to him by her fingertips. “But, it’s not a game,” he confessed when y/n didn’t instantly pull away. He took a deep breath and gazed down at her. While maintaining eye contact, he whispered, “and I do not care what’s easier, I’d chose you regardless”.

“Don’t do this,” Y/n said, her breath shaking.

“Do what?” Nikolai asked as he closed the space between him and y/n.

“Try to make me like you,” y/n answered. Her breath hitched as her and Nikolai’s interlaced hands became trapped between their chests once again.

“I don’t think I have to try,” Nikolai replied quietly as he stared into y/n’s y/e/c eyes.

“I hate you,” y/n said breathily as she fought to maintain her composure.

Nikolai pulled y/n impossibly closer and lowered his head until he had kissed her again. “Do you?” He asked as they parted.

“Yes,” y/n gasped quietly. Her eyelashes fluttered against her high cheekbones as she stared back at the Prince. “I hate you,” she echoed in a whisper as she eyed his lips.

Nikolai’s warm breath trailed over y/n’s face as he lowered his head and dove in for another kiss. “Say it again,” he whispered.

“I hate you,” y/n murmured quietly. She hated him; didn’t she? She undoubtedly hated herself as she watched her gaze drop back down to Nikolai’s mouth expectantly.

Nikolai’s lips were hovering just above y/n’s when she suddenly stepped back. He felt the tremble in her hands as she yanked them away from him.

“I…” y/n breathed. “..I…, Saints, I hate you!” she huffed as she spun on her heel. As soon as her back was to Nikolai, she felt her eyes water. He truly just had to ruin things, didn’t he? She desperately had to get back to her chambers before anyone saw her tearful eyes.

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[ivysanctum]

🌕🔮 Harvest Moon Eclipse in Pices: Prepare for a Powerful Shift 🔮🌕

Tomorrow-ish, on September 17-18, the Harvest Moon will rise, accompanied by a partial lunar eclipse and a supermoon. Though not a dramatic full eclipse or a huge supermoon, their influence will definitely be felt.

Eclipses have a way of stirring up what’s hidden beneath the surface. This one in particular, happening in the water sign of Pisces, brings the energy of release, intuition, and heightened emotional awareness. If you’ve felt stuck, uncertain, or off balance, this eclipse may offer the insight you’ve been missing.

What many don’t realize is that lunar eclipses are considered to be up to three times more intense than regular full moons, and the supermoon adds even more to that potency. The effects of this one can ripple for weeks, even months, and might prompt sudden revelations or emotional shifts. This energy can force you to confront things you've been avoiding—whether it’s a limiting belief, an old habit, or a relationship that no longer serves you.

The Harvest Moon traditionally marks a time of reaping what you’ve sown, both literally and metaphorically. But with the eclipse, this “harvest” could bring unexpected realizations or changes that push you toward growth in ways you hadn’t anticipated.

This is a moon that asks you to let go of control. Pisces' energy is about embracing the flow and accepting that sometimes, the most powerful transformations come from surrendering to the process.

How can we work with this energy?

It’s a good time for us witches to focus on cleansing and protection rituals, and to meditate or use divination practices to uncover what’s been lingering in the subconscious.

Use this opportunity to navigate through what you’ve been avoiding, and trust that any truths revealed are meant to guide you toward personal and spiritual growth.

🪄 Like and reblog this post if you find it useful, and make sure to follow me on Instagram to not miss on exclusive updates .

Blessed be 💜

#IVYSANCTUM

[liones-of-love]

Cal Kestis X Reader

Hey guys, you haven't heard from me in a long time. This time I tried a Star Wars story. But please be warned, it a bit diffrent from the original course or event. Have fun reading

not my picture

Sometimes I just don't understand Cere. Yes, I was a Padawan when Order 66 broke out, but unlike her and Cal, I'm not ready to come out of my shell yet. Greez and Cere are the only one from our crew that know I can use the Force and have a lightsaber. However, I asked them both not to tell Cal. I don't know why, but I don't want him to know. At the beginning they both agreed, but for a few days they have been trying to pressure me into revealing my secret. And that's exactly the point I don't understand. Why can't they just accept that I'm happy with my situation? I am our official nurse, as Greez likes to calls me, have learned the ability to heal others with the Force (which I only do in extreme emergencies), and occasionally practice with my lightsaber when Cal is on one of his missions. I'm happy like this, and something just tells me I shouldn't tell Cal.

Well whatever. At the moment we are waiting here on Dathomier for Cal to come back with the Astrium. I wanted to use the time to do some meditation, but just as I sat down, the door to my room opened. My eyes immediately shot towards the door, thinking someone needed medical attention. But to my sorrow, there stood Cere. “Did something happen?” I asked her in a worried voice. “Y/N, we need to talk. This cannot continue like this. You are a Jedi, Cal has a right to know. Wouldn’t you like to know when you meet someone and they don’t tell you anything?” Suddenly my mood changed from worried to annoyed. Here we go again. “What don’t you understand about the fact I just don’t want it? Besides, if he doesn't find out, he can't be offended that you didn't tell him." "He senses it, not strongly, but he senses that you're hiding something from him. This won't work for much longer." "Cere, I think it would be better if you leave now." I really wasn't in the mood to argue with her now. When Cere finally left my room, I began my much needed meditation.

A few hours have now passed and I was sitting on the couch of the Mentis with Greez. I have to admit, it's actually quite comfortable. Suddenly Cal came into the spaceship, closely followed by a Sister of the Night. He started to explain something to Cere but I wasn't really listening. I was too distracted by the new girl. “Oh yeah, Cere, Greez, Y/N, this is Merrin. Merrin, this is the crew.” The other two greeted her relatively “nicely,” but I could only give her a weak smile. Something told me that Merrin knew exactly what I was and I have to admit, I don't like that at all. “Y/N, Merrin is slightly injured, could you please take a look at it?” Cal spoke directly to me. “Uh, yeah sure, come with me,” I said and brought her to my room. Here I had all the things I needed to treat injuries. I asked her to sit on my makeshift patientbed and began to treat her wounds. Meanwhile, she kept looking at me with a look that basically shone through me. “You've been looking at me like that the whole time, spit out.” I blurted out. "You're a Jedi, aren't you?" My hands stopped briefly in what they were doing. "Yes, why." "And Cal doesn't know anything about it, I assume." "Exactly, and that's how it should stay." "He thinks he's the last of his kind, do you think that's fair?" "Okay, listen . I don't know if it's fair or not, the fact is: I'm happy with the situation. And as long as you don't tell him, the two of us won't have a problem with each other." She looked at me shocked and didn't say anything else. When I was finished we went back to the rest of the crew.

Meanwhile with the others.

Cal could sense it for a long time. Something was weighing on Y/N, but every time he tried to talk to her about it, she basically ran away. It frustrated him deeply. After all, he liked her very much and therefore didn't want her to suffer. He would love to protect her all day long. But he had duties. Cal knew what he was doing wasn't right, but sometimes he intentionally injured himself on his missions so he could spend more time with Y/N.

Cal sensed the tension on the Mantis as soon as he returned, but said nothing until Y/N and Merrin were out of earshot. “Okay, what’s going on here. You two and Y/N are clearly hiding something from me. Cere, I thought we had agreed that there were no more secrets here." "Uh, I'm going to start our flight towards Bogano..." said Greez and quickly left. “Cal, please, you have to believe me. I would love to tell you. But I can't, that's something only Y/N can tell you." "But you obviously know." "Yes, but she made us promise that we can't tell you." Cal stared at Cere in disbelief. Y/N was intentionally hiding something from him, she apparently felt she couldn't trust him about something. He couldn't get this fact out of his mind the entire flight to Bogano, so as soon he decided ass soonn as they gonna land he would talk to Y/N as quickly as possible.

Back to you'r POV

When we finally landed on Bogano I grabbed my lightsaber and put it in my bag. On this planet I had the rare opportunity to make full use of my abilities. There were so many powers here that Cal couldn't possibly know that there was a second Jedi here. Just as I was about to leave the Mentis, someone grabbed my wrist. I turned around and recognized Cal. "Can we talk?" I nodded at him, expecting him to start talking. But he had other things in mind. He literally dragged me by my wrist to his room, led me in, and then closed the door. He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me onto his bed so I was sitting on it. At first he just looked at me and then he started pacing up and down in the little room. He looked really frustrated. I waited a moment and was about to ask him what he wanted when he stopped and stared at me again. “Do you trust me?” I expected a lot but not this. “Uh, yeah? Why are you asking that?" "Y/N, I'm not stupid, you're hiding something from me. And I know that the others know. Hell, even Merrin knows. So if you trust me, why don't you talk to me?" So Cere was right, he sensed that something was wrong. "Cal, I really don't want to talk about it." I said as I tried to get up. However, he wouldn't let me. His hands pushed me back into a sitting position, he knelt in front of me and took my hands in his. “Y/N, please, you can trust me. I just want to help you. It pains me to see you so upset. I really like you and just want to help you.” I looked at him, shocked. I really didn't see that coming. "Cal, the only thing that upsets me is that everyone here is sticking their noses into matters that don't concern them." I pulled my hands out of his grip and stood up. “Cere wanted to talk to you before you leave.” I said to him before I left him sitting there.

After I finally managed to get a good distance away from the crew, I started my training. Somehow it gave me peace of mind to swing my blade again after so much time. I was so deep in my training that I didn't notice how time was passing. Suddenly Cere was behind me. “Uhg, what do you want now?” “You know that very well.” “Aren't you finally getting tired of it? Constantly annoying me about it?” “Y/N, you have to tell him!” “Just leave me alone about it,” I shouted at her. However, I didn't expect her answer. She screamed at me with equal desperation and anger. “Either you tell him or I will. But we're not leaving this planet before he knows." She turned around and wanted to leave, but stopped in shock. I followed her gaze and froze myself. There stood Cal

Cal's POV.

When I came back I only saw Geez and Merrin. “Where are the others?” I asked. Greez was about to answer me when Merrin pointed in a direction and said, “They went that way. They said that when you come back you should come to them." I looked at them confused at first but then went off together with BD-1. It didn't take long until I found the two crew members, but it looked like they were arguing. “Just leave me alone about it” “Either you tell him or I’ll do it. But we're not leaving this planet before he knows." I stood frozen just a few meters away from them. Y/N held a lightsaber in her hand. All I could do was stare at her. The girl I love, the one I've sworn to protect, has kept from me that she's a Jedi. Cere turned in my direction to go back and saw me in that moment. Because she stopped so suddenly, Y/N also looked in my direction. I could see how her face lost all color when she realized that I had heard everything. “I’ll leave you too alone.” Cere said and walked away.

Y/N POV

Cal just stared at me. I didn't know what to say. So I just wanted to walk past him to go to the Mentis. But cal stood in my way. “Why?” Yes why, actually, I didn’t know that myself. He grabbed my arms and looked at me intently. "Why?! Why didn't you tell me? Were you afraid you would have to go on missions? Or did you really just not trust me?” He looked at me angry, sad and hurt. But there was something else in his eyes, something I couldn't interpret. With every word he said he held my arms tighter and tighter. "Cal let me go, you're hurting me." But he didn't listen to me. So I tore myself away and marched towards the Mantis. But I didn't get far because Cal wrapped his arms around me from behind and held me tight again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Please forgive me, darling.” I no longer understood the world. Darling. How did he come up with this idea now? “Come on, darling. Let’s go back to the others.” I could only look at him in shock as he took my hand, linked his fingers with mine and pulled me towards the Mantis. When we got there, the others also looked at us a little confused. But Cal just pulled me on board and sat in the co-pilot seat. He then pulled me onto his lap. Meanwhile, the others followed us onto the Mantis and took their places. You could tell they were just as confused by Cal's behavior as I was. “We’re taking a short detour to Kashik. The Wookis and the rebels there, contacted us and asked for help,” said Cere as we took off. Throughout the flight Cal didn't let go of me and stroked my arms. I could feel everyone's stares, especially Greez's. It was clear that he didn't approve of Cal's possessive behavior.

When we landed, Cal finally let me go. “We'll talk again when I get back, yes.” He said, gave me a kiss on the forehead and set off. I immediately retreated into my room. It didn't take long until I decided to pack my things. I planned to leave the Mantis that night and join the rebels. I didn't know what it was exactly, but something had changed the moment Cal found out what I was, and I had no desire to find out what it was. Because my feeling and the Force told me that it wasn't anything good.

When night finally fell, I was really happy that Cal hadn't come back yet and the rest of the crew was apparently already asleep. So I grabbed my little bag and sneaked through the Mantis. However, on the ramp I suddenly ran into someone. I was afraid that Cal had already come back, but luckily that wasn't the case. “Greez, is everything okay?” He just looked at me for a moment. “So you felt it too. Go little one. I don't know anything about all this Jedi talk, but I do recognize a man who is obsessed with a woman. So go.” I looked at him in shock, I wasn’t expecting that. “Thanks Greez,” I said and then ran off towards the forest. But when I got there I didn't get too far. “Y/N. What are you doing here? It’s too dangerous here at night.” Cal, he must have spotted me on his way back. He came running to me and wanted to hug me. However, I skillfully dodged it. At first he looked at me confused, but then he looked at my packed bag. His worried expression turned dark. "What…. What are you planning to do?” "I have decided to stay here and support the Wookies and the Rebels." Cal looked at me in horror. "Are you nuts?" "Cal, they need us and it's easier to just stay here and help instead of having to keep coming back." He continued to look at me in horror. “See you soon Cal. We'll definitely see each other again." I didn't even get to take a step when Cal suddenly grabbed me with both hands. “Are you really that stupid to think I would let you go? I know exactly that you're not leaving because of the rebellion but because you want to avoid me. But I won't allow that. Not when I've finally found a Jedi and am no longer alone. No, you stay with me as you are supposed to.” He grabbed me by the waist and threw me over his shoulder. When we arrived on the Mantis he carried me into his room, put me down, left the room and locked it. It had never been my strength to pick locks with the force, so I couldn't just open the door again. "Cal, what the hell, let me out of here!" "Absolutely not. You are staying in there until you learn that you belong here!”

Crew POV

“Cal, what the hell, let me out of here!” "Absolutely not. You are staying in there until you learn that you belong here!” Cere and Greez were shocked, they had never seen Cal like this before. Merrin smiles slightly, since she had sensed Cal's obsession from the beginning and she also found Cal's love for Y/N somehow cute. “Cal. Let the little one go if it makes her happy.” Greez said to the angry young adult. Cal spun around and stared at him, dumbfounded. “Are you crazy? Who knows what could happen to her out there. Also, I'm still mad at you for not telling me." Cal went to the cocpit to plan the trip back to Bogano. “Let me out of here, please!” was the last thing he heard before calling the rest of the crew to him. Cal wasn't about to let his girl go, after all, he had loved her before, but now he somehow loved her even more. And what you love you have to protect.

Y/N POV

At some point it became too much for me, and since it was really lateand I hadn't slept yet and I was really tired, I had to lie down on Cal's bed and soon fell asleep. I was only half asleep when I noticed that the door opened and then immediately locked again. I heard a quiet "beep-boop" obviously BD-1 asking Cal something. “No BD-1. We are not gonna let her leave us again. We have to take care of our princess.” Cal got into bed with me and pulled me to his chest. "I know you're awake, darling, and I want you to know that I'll never let you go again." He gave me another kiss, but the last thing I heard before I fell asleep was him saying, "You're mine “

[writerbuddha]

So I’ve been following COP28 over the past two weeks and today I was also reading about the upcoming Star Wars novel The Living Force and together they had me wondering how does Buddhism balance it’s philosophy of focusing on the present without falling into the kind of short-term thinking that’s played a not insignificant role in problems like climate change and mass environmental destruction. Because while I certainly understand not obsessing over the future, it also seems incredibly reckless and irresponsible to completely ignore it.

And how does Buddhism balance focusing on present when things like trauma and injustices can and do echo down generations. Given you’ve talked about preserving no longer acceptable content in a previous ask about Death of/to the Author I’m guessing that when Buddhism does talks about letting go of the past that doesn’t mean forgetting it, but I would be interested to hear what the Buddhist take on specific things like reparations given a climate damage fund for countries less equipped to fight climate change was a major sticking point for COP27.

Well, these are complex issues!

There is a kind of focus on the present moment that is "live for the moment," meaning, you concentrate on the present with little or no concern for the future. This is to live your life in a way that takes only the right now into account, and focuses entirely on making yourself feel good right now. Obviously, this leads to serious problems both on the individual and on the global level of life. Climate change and mass environmental destruction is the best example of this. Now, I assume that popular culture tries to legitimize this kind of focus on the right now by - among other things - pointing at the Buddhist focus on the present moment. However, it's very important to see that the Buddhist practice of being fully alive and being fully present in the present moment is profoundly different from being concerned only about and losing ourselves in what's happening right now.

The Buddha said: “Don't get caught in the past, because the past is gone. Don't get upset about the future, because the future is not yet here. There is only one moment for you to be alive, and that is the present moment." This means that life is only available for us in the present moment. Life is happening in the present moment and only in the present moment. It's not happening in the past, because the past is no longer reality, it not happening in the future, because it's not yet reality. Life and reality is only in the here and now. So, the basic Buddhist practice is to bring ourselves fully into the here and now, to fully engage with, to fully be present in the present moment. Like Yoda said, it's important to have our minds where we are, what we are doing. The mind shall be where the body is, not elsewhere.

Essentially, this is mindfulness of the present moment. Mindfulness, as we discussed before, is not to immerse yourself into momentary experiences, nor it's meditation - it's to maintain a flow of voluntarily awareness or attention, holding, bearing something in mind, without distraction, without forgetfulness. So, when you bring yourself into the here and now, you know what is going on in the present moment. Rather than blocking out past and future, you get back in touch with life as it's happening, you rejoin its flow. By being truly present in the moment, you, to use a crude example, realize that you are sitting in the driver's seat, and you see the traffic around yourself. You can see where you came from and where you are heading, what directions you can take and what directions you can no longer take, you can have a clear picture of whether or not you're able to drive as fast as you go right now, whether you should slow down. By being in the here and now, you are able to choose where you want to go. So, the Buddhist focus on the "present moment" is actually focus on life, a full awareness of what you are doing. It doesn't allow for one to fall into short-term thinking, it reveals, very, very clearly, the far-reaching consequences of what we are doing. Nor does it allow for dismissing other's pain, especially when it comes to the pain of the Earth, because if the Earth is dying, we are dying. In the present moment, interconnectedness reveals itself to you, but only in the present moment. Effort can only be made in the present.

In the present moment, you can see reality as it is: you can see that everything is interconnected. By being fully present, fully alive in the moment, things as simple as drinking a mug of coffee can bring forth insight that leads to a more compassionate and more wise life. If you look deeply, with mindfulness into your mug of coffee, you see the coffee beans in there. You see all the minerals, all the water, all the soil, all the sunlight that nourished it. You see all the people who tended it so it can grow, all the people who harvested it, roasted it, packed it, brought it to you so you can drink it. In that mug, you can see all their lives. You can see the Earth rotating, bringing forth the days and nights and the seasons ripening the coffee beans. You can see the water the Earth gave you so you can make your coffee. You see all the economical, political and ideological processes governing coffee production, and you see how we treat those people you see how we treat the Earth. And you see how what you do in the present will affect the future. This is not mystical, it's not even particularly religious, it's simply being truly and deeply in the present moment.

It should be clear, therefore, that being fully present and fully alive in the here and now is not the refusal of considering the consequences of your present behaviors, thoughts, feelings, nor it is the refusal of the acknowledgment of where they're coming from. Buddhism tells us that in the here and now, with mindfulness, we can clearly see if we're hurting, if we have wounds, like traumas, and by being fully alive in the present moment, we can meet them with compassion and courage. If you are present in the here and now, if you are truly there, you can see if there is a splinter in your finger (or a spear in your heart) and you can see how to remove it and how to heal. Thus, being mindful is also called "loving attention" or "loving awareness." You need to sit with, to be with your trauma and you need to do it with tenderness and courage, because that's how you will heal. We must learn all of the ways in which we have stored our traumatic experiences. We need to find the corners that our trauma has been living in. But that, too, can only happen in the flow of life. One bank is the past, and the other bank is the future. You have to swim in the river, because that's the space in which you can find healing. Letting go means, you are no longer clinging onto the pain, nor you are holding on to the false hope that you can somehow resist to past pains. You must let it go, so it can flow as it must. You must accept it, attend to it. Whether it's trauma or injustice, personal or global.

The Buddhist take on specific issues, like reparations given a climate damage fund for countries less equipped to fight climate change, is informed by these principles. My opinion is that it's a good start, but it's kind of like poisoning the river, then keep poisoning the river, but paying for the damage done to those who rely on the water of the river. People still need to stop poisoning the water.

[thatbxolivia]

daddy!vader headcanons

agere!!

in this he wasn’t burned from the neck up but still everything else happened. @ me idc

also this is nothing like actual canon vader so 🤷��♀️

* similar in how he treats you when he was anakin

* may not be able to play with you as much as he likes, both from his busy schedule and because of his physical pain. doesn’t mean he loves you any less, if anything his love for you has grown with your acceptance of him.

* favorite thing to do with you is just sit by you while you sleep. he’s always in the suit practically and doesn’t sleep himself, so the least he can do is sit by you and make sure you have good dreams through the force. uses this time to meditate for himself as well. it brings you peace and comfort waking up to your daddy right next to you every time.

* trained using his new hands to be able to braid your hair. he knows you like the hairstyle and doing your hair for you is a simple yet intimate thing he can do for you.

* simple and intimate. that’s basically the entire relationship. he makes sure you’re always surrounded by softness and ease and loves you for you.

* you get whatever you want. he has so much money and uses literally NONE of it on himself.

* any toy you want is yours. you get all the best clothes. you even have a small pet loth cat he got just for you. his name is peanut and you love him very much and honestly, so does your daddy, even if he’ll never admit it. he’ll cuddle into his lap whenever daddy sits and watches over you while you sleep. your two favorite guys 🥰.

* you have your own room which is a stark difference to the rest of the castle. covered in rugs and blankets and soft colors, a complete difference to your daddy’s usual all black aesthetic.

* he can’t give you baths anymore because he can’t get his limbs or suit wet, but he will help you in and dry you off and stay with you the entire bath, talking you through bathing yourself if you’re really small.

* you have your duck robe from when he was anakin, it was your favorite and he went back to your old shared apartment on coruscant just to get it for you. because another wouldn’t do. you wanted that one specifically.

* when he’s in his tank, you sit by him and talk. even if he can’t reply, the company helps. knowing you’re there, it’s all he needs.

* you have another house to escape to on Naboo. lots of open land and a lake near by, and peanut LOVES it. the two of you will play outside while your daddy watches, his heart full.

* will take off his helmet for short amounts of time because he can, and sing very softly to you to help you fall asleep. he always had a good voice, and while his voice isn’t nearly as strong as before, he still whispers the lyrics to you and lulls you to sleep every night. he’d do anything for you. there’s no destination far enough and no grave deep enough to keep him from crawling home to you.

* loves to wrap you in a blanket and snuggle you into his lap while the two of you are in his chamber, he knows it can get cold. there he can be without his helmet for longer. this is also where he eats and he’ll feed you as well.

* allows you to go out when you want to do adult stuff so long as you tell him where you’re going and take guards with you from his legion. you’re actually nice to them, unlike how your daddy usually is, so they don’t mind being on what’s practically babysitting duty.

* you love going on vacations with him. your favorite place to go is Hoth because of the snow. again, like in the chamber, he’ll bundle you up and sit you in his lap while you babble about your favorite things on the planet.

* the only ones who know about your regression are him, the guards, and some of the inquisitors. they’re not mean to you but they’re not really nice, either. just polite and kind of indifferent, just enough to not get into trouble with your daddy. the one inquisitor you actually like is kol, the grand inquisitor. you knew him when he was a temple guard before the war. he would watch you occasionally then. he is still your current first choice for babysitting.

* will play hide and seek with you. when you’re feeling like a baby, this is your FAVORITE activity and he knows this. he’ll take his helmet off to be less scary and make silly faces when he peeks out.

* goes all out for your birthday. cake, candles, balloons, the whole nine yards. and SO MANY presents. gives you an entire week of spoiling because one day is just NOT enough for his baby.

* will pick you up and place you on his hip. he can’t use his physical strength anymore so he uses the force to help carry you now but he refuses to not be able to carry his baby girl.

* last but not least, he’s your favorite person. you go to him for EVERYTHING. to rant, for advice, i mean it. any and everything you need or want assistance with, he’s there at any moment in time. there’s nothing more important than you to him.

[aphroditesacolyte]

Meryl and Diosia P26

Ch 26. // Epitome // Read on AO3

Masterpost

Summary: Oh, how tedious it is to have cake but be unable to eat it, too.

Content warnings: Dubious morals/uncertainty regarding if life has value, allusions to murder/death, please read at your own discretion, thank you!

~Approx word count: 2,251 words

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Reposeful sounds whispered in Diosia’s ear, the kindly moon herself seeming to sing between the wind and waves, a dulcet sound in his ears, and so same was the air: pure and invigorating. He could enjoy very little more than such a peaceful night as this, basking upon the smooth stone poured and laced with silver light, but he longed for more all the same. Whilst his mind was dulled, his insides were still hollow and lonely—he craved company, despite how unfit he was for such a thing currently. He could still barely understand what had happened between Meryl and himself only three nights ago, and mulling over his questions had served no answers, rather it came by, stirring more memories instead.

He recalled the nights where the cliff edges weren’t so alone, scampering and cavorting across the rock in sweet company, company whose patience and compassion he took for granted, as now that he had a taste of it again, he coveted it whenever he was without. In this way, his mind drew comparisons in how he felt at Naigale’s side, and now at Meryl’s to make best sense of it. Naigale was much calmer than Meryl, docile and always mild in tone, but pressed more stipulations to his way of life directly. Meryl could request for him to no longer hunt as he usually did, but Naigale could force him, and often Naigale had. It was a frequent occurrence to be scolded for his habits if he were in the company of any other being;

“No, Diosia. That is cruel. Life is valuable; you will treat your meals with honor.” Naigale scorned.

Naigale thought his way of hunting immoral: stalking after, allowing himself to become consumed by another’s personality before quite literally consuming it himself, and toying with mer were all unacceptable ways to go about procuring what he needed to survive.

But why survive when one can live?

Further, Naigale argued it was unfair to derive pleasure from another’s life if that pleasure were to be derived from their pain, but to Diosia, pain was imminent, and life was meaningless. His actions bore no consequences in his mind. His games were his special pleasure, and his method of hunting his entertainment. Or perhaps with Naigale gone, it was his excuse to bring some form of connection to his lips, even if the other party was terrified and unwilling. Either way, the fulfillment he gained from it, though great, had somehow been overturned completely.

Meryl, Diosia discovered, was so much more fulfilling than anything else he could find. It was those pleasant thoughts that he lingered on in attempts to accept or rationalize them, however perplexing and confusing it were to him. Meryl’s presence was more fulfilling than the trickling of his blood, though both he adored and craved.

His infatuation left him with excitement and melancholy, an agonizing medium that he treaded with regret, bewilderment, and joy. It did not make sense to value Meryl as he did, and it did not make sense for Meryl to care for a monster like him, and yet all of it felt so right.  His mind was clouded by this thing, swirling about him, and obstructing all else. He could not think practically nor logically, only lovingly.

With his legs crossed he still dithered in his feelings, unable to visit Meryl, as he was frozen so completely by the puzzle he faced. He took soft, deep breaths as he sorted through the rubble of his conscience, his eyes closed in meditation.

The water rippled, someone having emerged from its surface.

His eyes did not open—he kept them closed and centered upon the maintenance of his equanimity—and he remained so quiet and still, one may have thought him asleep if not for his posture.

“Meryl,” He hummed, fondly. “I believe you are not so used to leaving me be, however, I would much appreciate the solitude and clarity.”

However, when his eyes opened, Meryl was not the mer before him. It was Roka. To find this, Diosia’s demeanor immediately darkened, his composure cracked by such a confrontation, in which the consequences of his actions seemed to be mirrored in the mer’s expression, and in the conversation that was to come.

Diosia questioned, flatly, his tone smoothed over with a sheet of ice; “What could have possibly beckoned you to my little den?”

Roka’s eyes flickered with fear, but like Diosia, he was able to freeze over such feelings and leave them chattering on their own.

“I had a question to ask you.”

His eyes narrowed, siphoning whatever bold psyche might’ve stood behind the viridescent irises with only a subtle glare; however, as much as it must’ve shriveled the merman, it seemed to pull him forward the same.

“Go on.” The siren’s voice tempted—it dared.

Roka’s lips parted like someone had stolen his voice, for he made not a sound, at least for a moment. Diosia gave an impatient, questioning look, and finally, Roka spoke, softly, somberly:

“I want to know if you ever met a mermaid that shares a resemblance to me. She has the same colour and texture of hair, the same scales, and similar facial features; she’s my sister. I… I want to know what happened to her.” Roka whispered, fearfully, “And I think you have answers.”

“As if I am to remember every creature I encounter. Do you recall very meal you’ve ever had?” Diosia denied, passively; it was not that he wanted to deny Roka closure, it was that he was afraid of tearing open such guilt. He practiced a mentality that detached him from such dark pain before—the wicked, crushing weight of guilt—and he had mastered outrunning it, shutting it down, letting himself enjoy his monstrous existence, so the thought of breaking down the walls was all too unappealing.

He wanted Roka to leave.

“Please. She only disappeared ten months ago.”

Sorrow trembled in his eyes, grief overtaking every line of his expression, and still Diosia wouldn’t let himself be swayed.

“I have no means of consoling you. I am not the beast one comes to, to be happy, unless you favour death.”

Roka pleaded back, “I favour the truth. The closure. Please, you don’t have to tell me anything else, just… I need to know if I could ever see her again, or if she’s gone. Just tell me if she’s gone.”

Diosia swallowed, hesitantly. If not for the cool air to repress it, he felt as if a bead of sweat might’ve rolled down his forehead—or rather, a bead of guilt. The silence lasted longer than the conversation.

Diosia admitted, softly, “You will not see her again. I am…” Diosia searched for the words, the ones that conveyed this feeling properly. “…very sorry, Roka. As am I to have done what I did to you a few days ago. Now you may go.”

Tears dripped from Roka’s face and into the water, and he nodded, biting back an awful feeling in his throat. For some reason, Diosia felt… terrible, seeing someone this way. He did not understand why screams were not half as bothersome, if not invigorating. The soft, somber, and yet howling resignation of grief jabbed at him in a way much worse than fear ever would, like a caved-in scream.

Diosia slid closer, making Roka flinch, dislodging the wretched sob that had been caught in his throat. He moved without much thought, relying on a mere instinct to guide him forward and through the situation, nearly sidling through the movements.

His arms wrapped around Roka in a brief, gentle embrace, and then he returned the merman to the water without giving him much time to react, and all the same spoke sympathetically, “I repent my mistakes for the harm they have done to you, but it is my blood to always repeat myself. I am not safe; however, I wish you… comfort, and to be able to move on, and to have any of this, you must leave.”

“Thank you,” was all Roka could say, and then he left.

His presence, however, lingered on in Diosia’s mind; the sound of tear drops striking the water, the light, uneasy breaths of anguish echoing in the chasm of his conscience all clawed at him, leaving torn flesh to bleed. In this ripped state Diosia paced over the information his very own mind held, teetering on the precipice of his conclusion. He laid the facts out simply and plainly, an unorganized list of puzzle pieces that he then began to click together, laying out what was merely a picture of his own reality—it shouldn’t have been such a difficult thing to come to.

He cared for Meryl.

Roka cared for his sister, and he killed her.

Life, Diosia could then reason, was not worthless. It was valued. People cared about it. He cared about it, about Meryl, even if his fangs never could, even if his cravings and his raw urges would never sympathize with his heart, he cared.  It somehow gave him peace to know this, as dreadful of a mistake as it was to care as he knew his instincts controlled him, owned him.

He was bound a slave to the creed of his own awful body.

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Swaddled between sheets of kelp, rest came easy to him always, for its shelter was consistent, it was loyal and forever so—the kelp could not lie, for it had no mind nor mouth to do so, it could not burn away beneath the blue of the waves, and no one creature Bondi ever knew could kill the entire forest, certainly not for sustenance. Here, his life and his love could not be taken from him.

Bondi and Roka slept on the ocean’s floor, curled up where the kelp was organized to be so thick and harsh, one would have to hack or rush through it all to ever locate them. In their little sanctuary, neither siren nor mer could bother him.

By his side was always the warm figure of his husband, someone who he could wrap his arms about and press to his chest, cradling him as strands of golden hair swayed in the water. Whenever he couldn’t sleep, he was fond of enjoying Roka’s company, be it by laying under or atop of or beside him or kissing and fondling and loving him. Roka never minded the slight disturbance to his schedule that was staying up with Bondi on more restless nights, as the past few nights were so eerily opposite to what Bondi knew as “always.”

Nightmares swam behind the lids of his eyes, and not just the wicked imagery of Diosia and what he had done, but the sounds of it too. His ears did not ring, they squirmed and writhed with the awful creature that was the gargle of consumption, of murder, of death. He had been so close to losing his husband.

And as for Meryl, even though he was alive, he was already lost.

The day that followed the wretched night ached with Meryl’s absence; there was not a moment Bondi’s heart could steady itself, nor a moment his stomach felt at peace. The anxiety could’ve made him keel over. The day after, Meryl had (apparently) reappeared sometime in the early morning but made no gesture to speak with him, leaving Bondi to receive his information second-hand regarding his best friend’s wellness. By some miracle, Meryl was alive. But it felt as if Meryl had abandoned him.

He felt alone, and so—even if it wasn’t entirely fair—clung to Roka to compensate. With many anxieties to stir his rest, his eyes fluttered open once again in the middle of the night, fixating on a random blade of kelp that lingered above him. His body then rustled the sand as he began to readjust, anticipating the weight of another to push against him as he did.

But Roka wasn’t there.

Bondi lurched up from the seafloor, whipping about in such a hurried panic that kelp began to entangle him as he moved. He tore out from its grasp, preparing himself to dart out of their little alcove and into the forest beyond.

“Bondi, I’m here.” Came Roka’s gentle, tired voice.

“Where did you go?”

“I went up to peek at the stars. My night has been restless, too.”

Bondi’s shoulders dropped, and he let himself relax under the welcome rush of relief. Roka is safe. Roka is safe. Roka then pulled at him lightly, drawing him back to bed, and Bondi was soon able to abandon a foreboding train of thought in favour of sleep, and embraced by the oblivion of a thoughtless slumber, Bondi would never know Roka had snuck out that night. By proxy, nor would Bondi ever know who or how others slipped off and plotted away behind his back.

Not until it was too late.

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[mevbotcrypto]

Awakening Your Inner Peace: The Transformative Power of Lesson 1 in A Course in Miracles

Inner peace—it's something we all seek, yet it often feels elusive in the chaos of daily life. We try to find it through meditation, mindfulness, or relaxation techniques, but what if the real key to inner peace lies in transforming the way we see the world? A Course in Miracles (ACIM) Lesson 1, titled “Nothing I see in this room means anything,” offers a powerful tool for awakening that peace within.

At first, this lesson might sound unusual or even confusing, but its message holds the potential to transform your mind and help you discover a lasting sense of calm. Let’s explore how Lesson 1 can ignite that transformation and lead you toward the inner peace you've been searching for.

1. The Foundation of Lesson 1: Releasing Old Perceptions

The statement in A Course in Miracles Lesson 1 asks you to look at everything around you and realize, “This doesn’t mean anything.” This practice isn’t about dismissing the world or denying the value of things. Instead, it’s about freeing yourself from the rigid meanings you’ve attached to the objects, people, and experiences you encounter daily.

Our minds are filled with interpretations, judgments, and labels that we’ve been conditioned to apply to everything. Lesson 1 teaches that these interpretations aren't objective truths—they’re subjective constructs. By learning to let go of these constructs, you make room for a new, more peaceful understanding of reality.

2. How Perception Affects Your Inner Peace

Think about how your mind works. When something happens—whether positive or negative—you instantly assign meaning to it. That meaning is based on your past experiences, beliefs, and emotions. But these meanings can also trap you in cycles of stress, anxiety, or dissatisfaction.

By practicing ACIM Lesson 1, you start to see that the meanings you’ve attached to things aren't fixed. This realization opens the door to peace because it allows you to break free from the mental patterns that have been causing you discomfort or pain.

3. A New Way of Seeing the World

When you first practice Lesson 1, it may feel strange to say that the things you see don’t mean anything. But this exercise helps you take a step back from your automatic judgments. You begin to realize that much of your stress or anxiety comes from the meanings you’ve assigned to situations, not from the situations themselves.

For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you might automatically think, “That person is rude and disrespectful.” But what if that action doesn’t inherently mean anything? What if it’s just something that happened, without the emotional charge you’ve attached to it? By letting go of these instant reactions, you can experience more calm and clarity in your daily life.

4. Letting Go of Judgment: A Path to Inner Freedom

Judgment is one of the biggest obstacles to inner peace. We judge ourselves, others, and the world around us, often without even realizing it. ACIM Lesson 1 is a powerful tool for releasing those judgments. It asks you to look at everything—without labeling or categorizing it—and simply allow it to be.

When you stop judging everything you see, you free yourself from the need to control or define the world. This creates a profound sense of inner freedom. You’re no longer bound by the meanings you’ve constructed in your mind, and you can experience the world with a sense of openness and acceptance.

5. The Transformative Power of Mindfulness

Lesson 1 aligns beautifully with the practice of mindfulness. In mindfulness, you learn to observe the present moment without attachment or judgment. Similarly, ACIM Lesson 1 teaches you to observe the world around you without assigning meaning to it.

By integrating this lesson into your daily mindfulness practice, you’ll find that you become less reactive to stressful situations and more capable of maintaining a calm, centered mindset. This transformation doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistent practice, you’ll notice a growing sense of peace and inner stability.

6. Practical Steps to Awaken Your Inner Peace

If you’re wondering how to put Lesson 1 into practice, the key is to start small. Begin by applying the statement “This doesn’t mean anything” to simple objects around you—a book, a chair, or your phone. The goal is to interrupt your automatic thinking patterns and open yourself to new possibilities.

Over time, you can apply this practice to more challenging situations. When you’re faced with a stressful moment or a difficult interaction, pause and remind yourself that the meaning you’re giving to the situation isn’t fixed. This small shift can make a big difference in how you feel and respond.

7. The Journey Toward Lasting Peace

ACIM Lesson 1 is just the first step on a journey of spiritual awakening, but it lays the foundation for profound inner transformation. As you continue through the lessons, you’ll learn to let go of fear-based thinking and embrace a mindset rooted in love, forgiveness, and peace.

Awakening your inner peace isn’t about escaping the world or avoiding challenges—it’s about changing the way you see and interact with the world. By shifting your perception, you can experience a deeper sense of calm, no matter what life throws your way.

Conclusion: Discover the Peace Within

The transformative power of A Course in Miracles Lesson 1 lies in its simplicity. By teaching you to release the meanings and judgments you’ve attached to everything you see, it opens the door to a more peaceful, open-hearted way of living.

Are you ready to awaken the peace within you? The journey starts by questioning the meanings you’ve held onto for so long and embracing a new way of seeing the world—one that leads to freedom, clarity, and a lasting sense of inner calm.

[magicsunwheel]

Why You're F#cking Amazing

Pick-a-Card

How to play: pick one of the photos below using your intuition. You can close your eyes and meditate for a bit or just take a few grounding breaths while thinking of the topic. Feeling drawn to more than one is fine! You might have messages in more than one pile

Pile 1 (x) Pile 2 (x) Pile 3 (x)

My pile numbers always go from left to right, then down to the text row (if applicable)

Pile 1

Cards: The High Priestess, Five of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, The Moon Rx, Five of Rods, Ace of Pentacles

You are so intuitive! You're either very in touch with your divine feminine or are working your way there right now. Something about you is severe in the most beautiful way. You can take things seriously when they need to and the way you command a room with just your presence is unmatched. Maybe you're also a tarot reader or involved in spirituality/divination in some way. Maybe you really like Pick-a-Cards.

Something beautiful about you is that you never give up on a fight, especially when you know the end is worth it. Your ambition is strong and you will fight for what you love and what you want. You are not weak-willed by any means.

This also makes you so unique! You work so hard and put so much labor into your love even if you know it will take a long time to come to fruition. The times that you feel discouraged by a lack of results are few and far between. If for some reason you do find yourself wistfully hoping for faster results or an easier path, you can easily remind yourself of why you started in the first place.

You might have moments where you think of yourself as sneaky or like you're hiding a part of yourself from others, like your true self would be too much for them. I'm here to tell you that your intensity is exactly what make you such a beautiful person! You thrive in competition and in adversity. It gives you a chance to show off your quick thinking and survival skills. Others look at you with envy of how you can make an opportunity out of seemingly nothing!

If you need help improving your self-love, Spirit says to stop comparing yourself to others! You are amazing and beautiful and unique all on your own! Throwing yourself into the fray to compete against others who are nothing like you will only fim your inner shine. And you really do shine! When I asked for a card about why you are beautiful, nearly half the damn deck flew out!

Sprit loves you and I love you so please take care of yourself and keep making those amazing opportunities to improve your physical surroundings. (I feel like you have a very clean room/home)

Pile 2

Cards: Nine of Rods, the World, King of Cups, Three of Rods, Ace of Rods, Two of Cups

Ahh the Loona pile!

Similar to Pile 1, but much more fiery! You are resilient! Taking time to collect yourself before pushing forward with a renewed sense of energy and purpose is such an amazing and useful trait. You maybe aren't as commanding of a presence but you have such an inner strength that no one can deny.

You got the World for the reason why you're beautiful! Maybe it's related to physically being very beautiful and possibly exotic-looking. You might have very specific features associated with a certain area of the world that stand out where you live. You also have such a wonderful understanding of the world and where it's currently at. Things can seem negative or like hope is lost but you still seek out the beauty and share it with others. You see opportunity where others do not and feel a sense of peace and connectedness with all of humanity. Wow!

Your uniqueness shines in your emotionality and compassion. You might be a natural born leader who makes sure to understand all under your rule. You lead with kindness and, most importantly, by example. You don't have any desire to use you position for ill-gotten gains. Power to you does not corrupt, it solely provides a tool for you to do good in the world and really make a difference in the lives of others, whether it's on a large or small scale. You are probably the kind of person who makes sure to give money to those who need it when you pass a begging mother and her children, or buying a homeless man a bottle of water on a hot day.

Your card for why you think you are not perfect actually came out quite positive. Maybe you don't have a very low self esteem, but I can see a few possible scenarios here. You might be constantly planning in your head, waiting and watching for the next move to take but never actually getting to the action part. Maybe you're planning for your future and have so much planned out that you're excited for, but haven't made the practical plans on how to actually get there. This could make you feel bad about yourself especially on days where you're reminded of others moving ahead in their lives while you're still planning. Visualisation is very important in manifesting your desired reality! If you are moving slower than others around you, remember that it is okay to not be where "everyone else" is. Life is not a race or a competition. Taking your time to get to where you need to be when you need to be there reminds me of the story of the tortoise and the hare. Quick does not necessarily mean better.

You can improve your self-love by creating! Using your creativity and passion to make something! Create art, whether it's physical/digital art, music, writing, inventing, anything that uses those creative muscles of yours. It doesn't have to be good! Just creating something will help burn up that excess energy you have that's trying to rush you somewhere. Self-expression this way can be a wonderful hobby even if you don't consider yourself as a creative person.

Your kindness really shines through. You care so deeply about the people around you and your spiritual team cares just as deeply about you. You are loved and watched over and protected by Spirit. Others around you also see your sparkle and appreciate and admire you, even if they don't show it. Know you are beautiful and amazing and bringing a light into this world that needs to be here.

Pile 3

Cards: Six of Rods, the Hierophant, Four of Rods, Six of Cups, Ten of Swords, the Hermit Rx

Damn, who are y'all!? You've got some mighty power and pull in this world. Maybe you're a public figure or have some kind of platform, like a social media with many followers. You could also be well-recognized within your field of study/work. Whoever you are, people see you and look up to you. They celebrate you and how amazing you are! Spirit loves this about you and you really shine in the spotlight. Your achievements deserve all this pomp and celebration!

You are naturally authoritative. People listen when you speak and take your words to heart. You might also be a religious person or someone who enjoys organization and the comfort of hierarchy. People will willingly follow you wherever you lead them because they trust you with all their hearts. "A merciful ruler" (lol) You hold your position with grace and dignity befitting a king or queen.

You are unique in ways the public recognizes, but we knew that already! You might be someone who likes to entertain and you throw the greatest parties and get-togethers. Maybe you've planned a wedding and everyone had such an amazing time! You know how to relax and have fun when the time for celebrating arrives. You can out down your guard and bit and let loose. Not many people with such responsibility can let go of the reigns like that, but you don't seem to hold on to control too tightly.

Your past might be a source of anxiety for you. Maybe you're worried that what you've done when you were younger will catch up to you and ruin what you've got going on now, but it's important to remember that the past is the past. It cannot be undone or wished away. Taking time to accept what happened and recognizing that you've moved on to bigger and better things is important here. Whatever happened, take time to heal your childhood wounds and forgive past actions.

Ending this cycle will bring much more self-love to your life. Old habits and patterns being out to rest is the way forward. It might be a painful ending and something you don't necessarily look forward to, but it is something that needs to happen to clear out old energy and welcome in everything new. You can't expect to move on if you're still repeating old actions or ways of thinking. It's time to set these things to rest and evolve. Leave behind what no longer serves you.

Your understanding of yourself knows no bounds. You've taken the time to inquisit yourself and learn all of the shadows that lie there. Self-reflection might be a favored pastime for you. Through this knowledge of yourself you are able to see truths that many struggle to see all their lives. Your light can cut through the fog if bullshit and see the true source of something. Use this knowledge of yourself to become the best version of yourself that you can be! I know you're already on your way there and it's amazing to see! Spirit is so proud of you and loves you so much!

[particlewaveform]

fantastic post! id like to add on 2 things!

One: you can see the very slow evolution of Vulcan society through two events: one is when they rediscover surak's katra/true teachings in ENT - it shows that change is HIGHLY resisted but it can eventually happen in vulcan society, you literally see mindmelders go from social outcasts to being much more socially acceptable in about 100 years (from tpol's time to spock's time).

of course some traditions take a much longer time to change but there is hope on the horizon! in DISCO which takes place 1000 years in the future we get introduced to the character of T'Rina whos president of Ni'Var aka modern day Vulcan. She is not only the Highest Ranked Vulcan in the land but most likely comes from an esteemed family to boot, AND YET here she is unbetrothed! something highly unusual since vulcans traditionally are betrothed from childhood. Not only that but SHE gets to choose who her romantic interest is (Saru) AND shes the one who proposes! not her parents, not the male in this relationship, but HER!

now this _could_ be explained away by a couple things - maybe her betrothed died, maybe her parents are also dead bc shes also up there in years and without the parents maybe vulcan women have to take the initiative - but it could also be a great sign that vulcan women over the years have much more agency in their marriage/love prospects! and even have the oportunity to choose a non marriage route as adults (we see T'Rina as a mature older woman so supposedly she chose to forgo marriage for a large chunk of her life)

also also it could be indicative that the role of the parent in choosing their child's path has lessened but whos to say.

we can also see in Ni'Var society that differing opinions on society/politics have emerged, as shown by the 3 vulcan politicians we meet, with one being more ready to change/abandon tradition, one being a rigid fundementalist to tradition, and one being somewhere in the middle. We can figure from this that this reflects the modern views of vulcan society, that even though its contentious and they fight about it theres more room for differing opinions.

a lot of this can be atributed to the reunification of vulcan and romulus into ni'var, as romulans have a very different society and relationship to "tradition". which tracks considering significant and fast change on vulcan often comes from a major inciting incident (like the surak thing) so the Romulans migrating to Vulcan woulda majorly shaken up their society. but! whos to say vulcan wasnt already moving towards less traditionalism themselves, at this time we dont know!

ok 2nd thing: You mentioned theres a lot of shame in vulcan society (HARD AGREE) and that shame contributes to there being not a lot of medical solutions to the pon farr thats not already one of the traditional treatments (aka meditate, fuck, or fuck n die). "too ashamed by the problem to consider solutions" is what you said n honestly i think think it goes beyond your theory and is actually canon.

you can see it in ENT with T'pol's illness, Pa'nar syndrome, aka vulcan AIDS from mind melds (im not just saying that to be facetious, it was literally inspired by an AIDS awareness push by the studio - also if youve ever watched the ep You Know, its called Stogma for crying out loud)

ANYWAYS my point is that there is like 0 research into Pa'nar syndrome by vulcan scientists because!! once again!! they are "too ashamed by the problem to consider solutions"!!!! their way of dealing with Medical Issue We're Ashamed Of is to just NOT think about it, not even consider it, and to lock away any minimal knowledge they do have of it so no one else can even consider solutions! The one scientist that ends up helping T'pol get information about this actually gets majorly punished and practically becomes an outcast.

and there even IS a historical solution out there from when mindmelding was more common, get someone more experienced at mindmelds to get in there n fix whatever fucked up your mind in the first place, but theyre so ASHAMED by anything mindmeld related that they've supressed all knowledge of it to the point where only a few members in fringe groups remember the solution.

so pon farr and pa'nar 🤝 over being something that COULD be treated medically but vulcan society just refuses to look into bc Shame.

anyways i hope you enjoyed my addition which rly was just "i completely agree with ur post so heres two more pieces of evidence you might not have considered that supports your arguments"

With regard to that last post about Vulcans, it's so interesting to me that Vulcans ARE so hidebound around tradition even when that tradition is illogical or harmful. Women are treated equally in everyday life but how marriage operates is tradition and will not be changed. The marriage tradition of a woman being unable to ever point blank reject a man she's been betrothed to suggests that there used to be a more widespread societal issue with misogyny that's since been (seemingly) eradicated AND YET the tradition of marriage is tradition, and so it cannot change. When T'Pol asks Trip what she should do about (essentially) not wanting to marry Koss, she rebuts everything he says with the fact that it's tradition and her individual feelings don't matter when faced with tradition. "I have an obligation. [If you'd spent time around Vulcans you'd understand that] our commitment to tradition outweighs personal choice." When Trip says that people change she says "Vulcans don't. My obligation is to my culture, my heritage, it has to take precedence." Though one might think LOGIC is the most important aspect of Vulcan culture, it seems that TRADITION outweighs logic or, maybe more accurately, that Vulcans have decided as a species that to follow tradition is logical since they are a logical people and to do otherwise is emotional and therefore illogical. Another tradition that Vulcans seem to practice across the board without question is the kahs-wan, where you literally send your child out into the desert to survive for ten days without food, water, or weapons in Vulcan's forge where there are predatory wild animals and electric sandstorms. It's a test that can be taken multiple times without shame over having failed the first but I'm certain that there HAVE to be like...kids absolutely dying because of this ritual, right? I'm sure if a child is injured or dying slowly there's a way to save them but I'm also sure that 'cracking your head open' or 'being eaten by a sehlat' are pretty common ways to die if you're a starving and dehydrated child stumbling around a desert. And it's just a 'maturity test', it's NOT necessary and yet they continue to follow it both as children and as parents. Speaking of parents, parents exercise a LOT of control over their children in Vulcan society. We see in ENT that Koss' parents are the ones who arranged the marriage and it's them who T'Pol speaks to instead of Koss when she wants to negotiate the terms of her marriage. Both Spock and Tuvok had their careers planned out for them by their parents (and though both rebelled, Tuvok in canon frames this rebellion as foolish...not seeing the forest for the trees, being too young to understand his parents' vision.) For Spock, it makes sense bc he's a politician's son and one of the most important figures on Vulcan but Tuvok is just like...a normal citizen of Vulcan. So then in Vulcan society it's normal for both your marriage and career to be decided on by your parents and if you're a woman there's no getting out of the marriage thing unless you and a lover are willing to risk a life. And if you object to any of that hm...seems mighty illogical of you. And disowning your child ALSO seems to be a pretty common Vulcan practice.

[maxismatchccworld]

Patch Notes

Update 9/7/2021

PC: 1.79.93.1030 / Mac: 1.79.93.1230

Console: Version 1.47

Hello Simmers!

We hope you are well wherever you are in the World.

Today, we have a special kind of update! As you now know, this is our first update that fully focuses on a previously released pack, giving it new life if you will. Today is the day for self-care for and with The Sims™ 4 Spa Day!

Spa Day is all about relaxation and getting some well-deserved personal Sim time and wellness. With this update, we are adding some features that will help enhance this wellness experience that we hope you enjoy.

Along with these enhancements, we were also able to fix a few issues that were live and needed some care.

Thanks again for your continued support and feedback!

Chaus!

-SimGuruRusskii

What’s New?

Spa Day Updates

Everyone deserves more time to refresh and more ways to renew! In this update, we added the following:

Three new Aspirations and a new Trait

The path to wellness is long but well worth it! Sims can now opt for three aspirational paths to achieve their own Zen:

Self-Care Specialists - For those Sims who would like to monetize their love of fitness and wellness.

Inner Peace - For the Sims that want to achieve ultimate harmony and learning tools to mitigate their negative emotions.

Zen Guru - For the Sims that want to share the power of wellness with the world…the whole world, for real. They also focus on seeking to train their successor to pass the knowledge along.

In addition to these new Aspirations, we added a new trait for those Sims that require a bit of extra work to keep their needs… properly aligned. High Maintenance will allow your Sims to experience mindful tasks that can help their sense of wellbeing. No trouble is trivial, no need is too much.

You can find these new Aspirations and the new Trait in Create A Sim. And don’t forget the Spa Membership included with these Aspirations - it’s a steal!

Manicures and Pedicures

Some people like having a massage to decompress - a valid option… pretty sure I need one -  but my favorite thing is manicures and pedicures! Hear me out! There is something so relaxing about choosing your design, color, shape, and having someone prettify (yes, it is a word… to me) your nails with the utmost care. Now your Sims can get these nail enhancements or graciously give them to other Sims. You can choose a design, a shape, and voilà! Your Sims’ nails will be as fabulous as they feel!

And if you don’t want to get your nails done by a professional- tight budget, totally get it - Sims will have access to the same options in Create A Sim that you can instantly apply to your Sims nails - it’s like insta nails!! You can pick from a variety of swatches with color combinations, designs, or just a solid color for each fingernail. You can also choose a variety of one solid color choices for your Toenails. You can find them in the Accessories category in Create A Sim, where you will see a Fingernails and Toenails sort with the options.

We want to highlight that in this upgrade to Spa Day we have a design from the wonderful  Ebonix that is featured in Create A Sim! Ebonix is a super talented Sims Creator, and we are happy we can feature one of her designs and share it with everyone.

About Yoga and Meditation

Yoga Classes can now take place outside of Spas and Gyms! You can hire a yoga instructor or teach your own class from the Instructor Yoga Mat. Speaking of teaching, Sims can also lead Guided Meditation sessions from Meditation Stools. Oh, and I don’t want to forget to mention that Children are able to practice and teach both Yoga and Meditation as well!

New Objects, Facial Masks… Oh my!

As part of this update, we also added a few new objects and swatches in Build Mode, these include a new luxurious massage table and a massage chair that can also be used for manicures and pedicures for a full relaxation experience. And as an added bonus, there is a new portable massage chair and table, so your Sims can give massages, manicures, and pedicures on the go to earn some Simoleons.

Besides these, we added as part of your Sims’ self-care routine the ability to purchase and apply Facial Masks. They come in a variety of benefits and designs; for ease of access, we recommend having in your preferred lot the Doc Sweet’s Luke-Warm Mini Dispenser. This mini version of the original refrigerator can hold your favorite beverages in a compact space, but as an added benefit, Sims can purchase Facial Masks from it. By the way, don’t forget to try the new Cucumber Power-Sip and cucumber slices for a tasty snack! Also available with this update.

Base Game Updates

For those who don’t own Spa Day, we wanted to give you a treat as well. For Base Game Simmers we added the nail options for fingernails and toenails in Create A Sim for you to enjoy. Same as mentioned previously, there will be choices under the Fingernails and Toenails sort in Create A Sim, there will be a variety of solid one-color nails and color combination nails available for the Base Game itself.

Bug FixesConsole

We fixed an issue in which some of the controls when players are in the Game Options menus were a little off, it should work correctly now.

The Sims 4

New games should no longer experience the automatic generation of empty households, and the ensuing save size increase and performance lag that this causes. The team is still investigating how to safely fix existing saves that have this issue.

We fixed an issue that affected Custom Content Chairs that when slotted with certain objects it created Sims routing issues.

Sometimes, in certain saves, Sims would lose their names when visiting some Lots - most notoriously the Goth’s Lot but it could happen anywhere. If a Sim has no name… does that Sim exist? I can assure you that the Goths were not involved, but this issue should no longer occur.

Ever had the need to order food or drinks but you just couldn’t be bothered? Been there, however the issue of Sims and NPCs not being able to order food and drinks autonomously has been fixed. Order away!

Have you noticed that your Sims had been doing Fitness things or Dancing if they Disliked those things? Strange no? It should no longer happen as long as they continue to Dislike them of course. As a note, unfortunately (for those affected), Sims are subject to choose music they Dislike still from any stereo so they can still torment other Sims (and Simmers) around them.

We fixed an issue in which the Mega Window (Double Budget Grand Deluxe DeLite) in build Mode was missing a few swatches and displayed them as empty.

Let’s talk about Unibrows! Are they in? Are they out? No matter, every brow is welcome! We have fixed an issue that didn’t make the thicker unibrow available for female frame Sims and that didn’t make the thinner unibrow available for male frame Sims. So all the unibrows for both frames!

Did you ever notice an invisible slot under the All of the Things table? We sure did, and while I think that if it is called “all of the things” it could have all the things, everywhere… I guess? This was not acceptable so we fixed that.

Get to Work

The hairstyle yfHair_EP01TwistLow has been tagged correctly in the Updo Hairstyle category. Is it still an Updo even if the bun is low and not up high? These are the questions I ponder sometimes.

Eco Lifestyle

If you noticed the Community Voting Board missing from venues across packs in Build Mode, never fear. It has been found and should be safely back in Build Mode.

Dream Home Decorator

Ever had such good-looking décor that you can’t just sleep because you have to look at it? As much as we want your Sims to love their décor and their style, we thought it was a bit too much that they would not sleep and just look at it, so this should no longer happen.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

"The prequels Jedi were corrupt," is something I've just stumbled upon, again.

How are they though? How? I want an example, a single example of corruption.

Do they take bribes? No they don't, not that we ever see. What would they even do with bribes? They don't pursue material wealth.

Do they influence politicians to gain power? Lol, Riyo Chuchi almost bosses Obi-Wan Kenobi, member of the High Council, around and only backs down because he makes a reasoned argument she agrees with. Padmé Amidala is literally the only politician we see getting influenced by a Jedi to a Jedi's benefit (*cough* Anakin diverting her from her duties *cough*). The Council systematically gets shut down when they try to get something from the Senate (like when they try to get Palpatine not to bring the Zillo beast to Coruscant - Obi-Wan and Padmé *do* ask Anakin to speak to Palpatine, and it does precisely nothing.)

Do they accept a corrupt leadership? In a sense but they don't benefit from it (since most of the Senate doesn't trust them, drafted them into a war they never wanted to be part of, and essentially forces them to send their teenagers into battle because they are stretched so thin) which makes all the difference. They don't enable the corrupt system because it profits them, they support it because the alternatives they have are worse (the Separatists during TCW, who are backed by mega corporations like the Commerce Guild, Techno Union and Trade Federation, and who enslave the Twi'Lek, the Mon Calamari and the Togruta onscreen, just for starters, and use weapons of mass destruction like the Malevolence or that defoliator thing they almost test on the Lurmen when Republic weapons are specifically made not to target organic beings - see the Zillo beast arc) and because the Senate has the authority to order the Jedi to kick people out (Ahsoka) or to drop investigations (Maul in s4, Kamino in s6), and can declare them all traitors. The Jedi don't have the means to go against the whole Republic, and frankly making sure politicians aren't corrupt should primarily be the job of the billions of citizens, not theirs (the 10000~ space monks who have kids to raise and Sith Lords to deal with and would very much like to spend their days meditating and being nerds ("I was going to study that!") and helping people.)

Do they lie to their subordinates to get more power? The Council doesn't lie about its beliefs, and its members actively practice what they preach (letting go of things, staying in control of yourself, protecting the helpless...) so no manipulation there, and while they do lie or cover up things from time to time it's never to achieve power or to benefit themselves directly. The Rako Hardeen act? They lie to save the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, who, as far they know at this point, is their legitimate Commander-in-Chief. OpSec isn't corruption. They cover up the discovery that Dooku made the Clone Army to protect the Clones themselves (as stated by Yoda) and because the public would freak out and then they'd have a civil war on top of a galactic war to deal with. It doesn't benefit them, exactly, because they explicitly say they're not happy about the decision but don't see another way out. ("The right path, no. The only path.") Oh, and Obi-Wan literally tells Rex, Ahsoka and Bo-Katan about Sidious, because the Jedi aren't secretive as a rule. They share intel easily if it'll help people.

Do they seek power in any way? Ffs, when they go against Palpatine – the Sith Lord who orchestrated an entire and forced hundreds of them to for in it, along with hundreds of thousands of Clones and millions of civilians – Mace tried to arrest him twice in the name of the Senate. "In the name of the Galactic Senate, you're under arrest" and after Palpatine kills three Council members "you're under arrest, my Lord." He only tries to kill him without a trial after Sheev blasts him full of lightning for like two freaking minutes. Talk about a coup. (By the way, arresting the Commander-in-Chief of your armies when you have proof of his own corruption, when he has given himself control over the banks (Clovis arc), gotten more emergency powers (RotS), holds power over the courts (Wrong Jedi arc) and has stayed in office for longer than his term? That's not corruption, that's actively fighting fascism.)

You could argue that Obi-Wan sending troops to Mandalore is a misuse of power, but there's a Sith Lord there who could potentially tell them the identity of Sidious and this help end the war. Also, it doesn't benefit him directly since it puts Ahsoka in danger, it divides his fleet and it could get him in trouble since he didn't make the operation a secret in any way. The one time Obi-Wan does go to Mandalore for his own benefit, he does it without backup and without even using Republic property since he borrows Anakin's ship.

So maybe the Jedi are corrupt because they distort their old ideals and preach a false image of the Force? They are corrupt in the sense that they are stagnant and the Dark Side corrupted them? But... Yoda is the Order's greatest critic (see AotC) which points to self-awareness, as he's one of their most important leader, the "fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate to suffering" credo is literally how Lucas describes the Force working (see @gffa 's collection of quotes) so they are narratively correct on most of their doctrines (same goes for attachment as Lucas defines it, in opposition to love), and Yoda and Obi-Wan the quintessential Jedi are deemed worthy of immortality by non-Jedi entities. The Jedi constantly talk about how hard war is because it's against who they are at their very core ("we are keepers of the peace, not soldiers," "we are peace keepers," "unfortunately war tends to distort our point of view; if we sacrifice our ideals, even for victory, we may lose that which is most important, our honor," etc) and every decision they take is motivated by the need to protect civilians and the Order. They don't join the war, they get drafted. Hear that, Rebels!Yoda? This is why I base my understanding of Star Wars on the movies and TCW alone, aka Lucas' canon. I swear, idk wrote that part about "the Jedi joining the conflict swiftly in their arrogance" but that's not what happens in the movies. They literally go save a high profile politician and two of their own from unlawful execution and try to arrest Dooku for being a terrorist (he hired people to kill a political opponent) and a threat to the safety of the Republic (he's literally manufacturing entire armies and talking about going to war), and 200 of them get slaughtered for it, and then they get drafted as Generals despite having no military expertise and they can't say no because again, the Senate can (and would) label them as traitors, and if they don't fight the Clones have people like Tarkin leading them. (You know, just the guy who later commits genocide on a whole planet.)

Seriously, I want one, just one concrete example of the PT Order/Council being corrupt, because it's such a common accusation that surely it must be grounded in canon somehow. Right? Right?

[lazyyogi]

Hey Lazy, I’ve been struggling with self love/acceptance lately. I give myself a hard time for being overweight, for overeating, for spending time on mindless entertainment, for not getting to bed at at night and up in the morning when I “should,” tor not spending more time on formal spiritual practice and study. My heroes are Mister Rogers and Thich Nhat Hanh. I know being this hard on myself isn’t good for me. So why can’t I stop, and for that matter HOW?

Focus on how you feel. Shift attention from your mind to the feeling of your body.

Being overweight, over eating, enjoying mindless entertainment, going to bed late and waking late, all of this is fine if you have a clear head and heart and feel like a million bucks. But I suspect you don’t feel so good and that’s why you are asking how to change it all.

Judging yourself doesn’t improve how you are feeling. It adds to the feelings of dis-ease. And it makes it even harder to change your ways because such negative self-judgment is discouraging.

For example, I was going for a 40 minute run daily up until a few weeks ago. I got so busy that I have only had the chance to run a couple of times and even then I couldn’t manage a full 40 minutes.

But today since I finally have time, I’m going to go for a run. And if my body allows it, I’ll go for 40 minutes. But if I have to stop at 20 or 30 minutes that is fine.

Where is my motivation coming from? If I were priding myself on being active and running daily then I might be discouraged that I’ve done so little running. If I were proud of how long I could run before, I might feel negative about having to run for shorter times. Or maybe I was happy with some physical appearance changes my body went through and now I’m back to square one.

None of that matters. I run because I pay attention to how my body feels. After I run, I feel fantastic for the next 24 hours. And over time, it has great health benefits. But just feeling good, sweating it out and gulping some fresh water, and using my energy just to replenish it again, all of these are things for which my body feels grateful.

So when it comes to changing your lifestyle, it can’t happen by thinking. It happens by feeling.

Feel your body—how is your energy, how is your baseline mood, how do you feel after you over eat? Feel your mind—is there clarity, is there inspiration, is there curiosity and creativity?

Remember that changing your lifestyle is about what you do every day. It doesn’t matter so much how amazing those things are—meditating for five minutes or five hours daily. So long as it is daily, it is a part of you.

So start small, like planting seeds. I’ve gotten to know you pretty well over the years and so I know your path and practice are the real deal. You will find that throughout life there are plateaus and places in which you will get stuck. You will also discover the methods that will break you out of those stagnations.

Here are my recommendations:

Do some daily cardio. In my experience at least, cardio results in elevated mood and mental clarity beginning from day one. I was surprised when I found this to be better than weight training and even yoga in that respect.

Sit for a daily five minute meditation. After that, feel free to meditate for longer or do other practices. But always do the five minutes. Because you have had an established practice before, five minutes may seem like peanuts and you may try longer like a half hour. But then tomorrow you may not feel like doing a half hour and then doing five minutes might feel disappointing by comparison. So just hold yourself accountable for five minutes daily and count anything on top of that as bonus.

Make simple diet changes. I am not a dietician or a nutritionist. Despite being a doctor, I can’t tell you what the perfect diet is and everyone is also different. Try drinking more water and less sodas if that’s what you’ve been doing. Try reducing the portions of your meals or reducing the snacks. I know some people who swear by intermittent fasting. Or keep the same volume but introduce more non-processed foods. Whole veggies and such instead of things that have been creamed, puréed, baked, etc.

Wake up earlier. If you start waking up earlier, you’ll be wanting to go to bed earlier. You can’t get out of bed by thinking. You won’t be able to convince yourself either. When your alarm goes off, don’t ask yourself if you feel like getting out of bed. Leap out of bed before you can start resisting. And whatever you do, do not reach for your phone. No phones allowed while in bed.

I understand that some of these suggestions are harder to follow through with than others. But think of this like standing next to an ice cold swimming pool on a summer day. You dip a toe in and it feels so cold and there is an intense inner resistance to jumping in. The longer you linger at the edge, the more resistance builds up inside you. In the end, you can’t think your way into jumping in. You have to toss all of your thoughts aside and just fucking leap.

This funk you are in is a temporary circumstance. Viewed as one hulking obstacle, it can seem insurmountable. But if you break it down into its component parts and tackle each methodically and with a non-judgmental experimental mindset, you will find your own solution to each of those problems. My suggestions may help or they may not but if you apply the right mindset, you’ll be able to figure out the rest for yourself.

If you take one thing away from what I said here, I would recommend it be this: Focus on how the body feels, how the heart feels, and the mind’s clarity. Let those be the indicators of what is healthy for you. Do not judge yourself based on your physical appearance or the sequence of events in your day.

Namaste brother. I have nothing but love and enthusiasm for you. I know that your emergence from this plateau is inevitable. May thunderous and immense blessings expedite that inevitability 😁

LY

[makingspiritualityreal]

Turns out I'm Inspirational?

Something really positive that happened to me, that I only fully integrated now consciously into my reality.

I used to have a very big fear of sharing myself. I was raised to believe that the only thing that I had to offer publicly, that was of any worth, was my objective achievements, dry knowledge and facts, and my personal impressions were not useful or important enough, and even if I already had them they needed to be tailored to people's needs and expectations in a specific way in order for me to be accepted at all.

Then life pushed me to express my feelings into writing. I had so many thoughts swirling inside me, so many emotional burdens crushing me, and writing really helps me organise myself and my own thoughts inside my head. Kind of like writing a diary is a meditative practice to some people. But because I still have the emotional desire to be useful, I feel the need to share my impressions, because it feels unsatisfying, useless and selfish to keep what I have concluded to myself. If at least one person benefits from my journey, I consider it a success. Yet at the same time, the negative conditioning I received was clashing with that need and was making me feel very awkward whenever I was posting anything. I knew objectively that I was being too nervous about it, that people don't really care because they have their own lives, but my past traumas of being bullied and mocked so severely made me feel like I was going to get punished whenever I would express myself honestly.

Nevertheless, I felt forced to do it, simply because I needed a resolution and I didn't want to endlessly carry this amount of emotional pressure. I decided that I don't care who laughs at me or hates me for it, I still need to be myself and stifling it any longer would be just too unhealthy. And then the most amazing thing happened. Every time I took that internal risk, people came back to me with words of encouragement. I received so many nice comments and even private messages, so much more support than I expected. People related to what I've been going through, felt compassion for me and some even expressed admiration for me as a person.

But most amazingly, many people said that they found my personal thoughts and conclusions just as inspiring as my astrology writing. They found it a useful learning tool...they thought I was inspiring, which is something I achieved simply by being myself, without having to work hard for it.

I still have passion for astrology and have many observations prepared that I will share. But I do that when I feel like doing it, and an enormous weight and sense of guilt that plagued me in the past whenever I wasn't "working" stopped burdening me, when I realised how much I inspire others automatically, just by breathing. It is so painful to go through life constantly accompanied by a harsh, emotional internal critic that dismisses your more fragile emotions and constantly yells at you internally "do something productive already and quit whining, or you're useless". It shows exactly how fun my life has been up to that point, if my mind had to create this particular coping mechanism. It takes active work to remove that kind of thinking process from your mind, and it is not easy.

It was such an unexpected blessing to me when the fragile, emotional energy I carry inside me that I was so afraid of sharing turned out to be something appreciated and objectively useful to others. Now, I don't have to feel like I haven't done "anything" just because I spoke from a more vulnerable place. Because me doing that can mean something to someone. Even if I take a break for some time, I will eventually come back to share my conclusions anyway, because sooner or later I will always have that urge. And the fact that I could achieve that in the most challenging moments of my life is a reward that I never expected to receive.

[toovirgins]

November, 2001

Summary: George Harrison reunites with an old friend.

There was a chill in the air.

All but uncomfortable, it was still and cool and calm, his skin refusing to prickle up into chills. There was no wind, or rain—bright, but no sun. Just air, all around him, refreshing and energizing and soothing all at once.

His eyes were closed. As his body began to come into itself, familiar sensations tickled up his spine. The first thing he noticed was the press of his feet and backside on the ground—must have been sitting cross-legged—and the feeling of dry, rough linen under the fingertips that rested on his thighs. His skin prickled as it recognized the feel of the linen up his torso as well.

He shifted slightly, as if waking up from a deep sleep. There was a certain mindfulness in practice, hyper-aware of the environment of his body: the cool, smooth ground beneath him, the scratch of the clothing on his skin, the curl of hair against his ear, the tickle of a mustache on his upper lip. When did he grow a mustache?

Internally, he felt… warm, cozy, almost as though in a deep state of meditation. His mind itself was drowsy, though he hadn’t tried to assess the situation much beyond physical sensation. He didn’t feel the need to.

It was nice. Peaceful, really. George couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt such a strong mind-body connection during meditation. There was nothing that existed besides the present; he had no past, and there was no future. It was not one of those times where the mindfulness revealed some grand ethereal Wisdom, and thus it somehow contained more truth. It was nothing and everything all at once.

Rather than let him enjoy this newfound spirituality, a familiar voice (in familiar habit) drew him out of the trance.

“Never thought I’d see the likes of you again, mate!”

George languidly struggled to open his eyes, a half-fight as the voice dropped the silly tone and resorted to a short, sharp chuckle at his own antics. When the eyelids had finally pried themselves open and his vision focused, George frowned.

He looked like a picture, straight out of 1961. Standing before him, arms crossed as he bit his lip with childlike excitement at the reconciliation. George blinked, hardly believing the sight in front of him.

“John?”

“In the flesh,” he grinned. Then a pause. “Or, rather, anything but the flesh?”

John was in front of him, a quite young John, staring at him with a bit of a worried expectancy.

George’s stomach suddenly dropped.

His gaze flicked around the room wildly as unrestrained panic rose in his chest. They were in a room, though it wasn’t a room, just a dull white, not so much white as simply colourless, with no décor or wallpaper or flooring or furniture although somehow, he was now sitting in a chair.

He was dead.

John must have watched the color drain from his head, for he made his way over to where George was sitting and laid an uncertain hand on his shoulder.

“It’s all right,” he soothed, nothing mocking. Nothing to make a joke of. “Takes a minute.”

George suddenly remembered he’d been sick. It was feeding back into him, slowly, as if each thought trigged a new repressed memory. He’d been sick for some time now. Images of nurses and hospital and IV’s and the dread of going to “treatment” began to flood his mind, and he shuddered. He felt a stubborn powerlessness rise within him: yes, it had gotten progressively worse, but it was nothing the old chap couldn’t handle. He’d beat it once already. He’d been stabbed, for Chrissake.

How could this happen?

He thought of Olivia, and Dhani, and choked back a sob.

“I don’t want to be here,” he spluttered in a near-beg, his chest tightening in terror once more. “I can’t be here.”

John’s hand dropped to his side as he almost (almost) rolled his eyes. He held up an imaginary list with one hand, gesturing wildly at it with the other. “Join the queue of nearly every person ever.”

George felt a needle of annoyance shoot through the fear that was slightly ebbing away. He half-wondered if this was the acceptance people talked about in death: the strange inability to control your emotions, your body progressively growing used to the idea and the knowledge of your own helplessness.

“You could stand to be a bit more empathetic, you know. I’ve just died,” he reminded with sarcastic flair.

John smiled brightly at the twinge of normalcy in the expression.

The fear was almost entirely faded now, which struck a new worry in his mind. He couldn’t just surrender to this already—it would solidify it. Make it too true. But the more he thought about it, the more comfortable he became. Against his own will, George was growing in acceptance, knowing that he should be worried but unable to feel the pull of anxiety within him. In an exasperating tug-of-war, he fought between the poles of acknowledgement and fear, a vicious feedback loop that left him confused and exasperated.

Maybe curiosity didn’t mean surrender. Maybe he could test John for some of the millions of queries floating around in his head whilst still protesting the concept of his state.

John was staring at him with wonder, almost as if he was watching George’s mind work.

Here goes nothing.

George looked at him pointedly, raising the most pressing question in his mind. “Is this Heaven?”

John blinked, and George recognized the infamous John-trying-not-to-laugh-because-this-was-a-very-extremely-serious-situation expression rise to his face. “Yes, George. It is. Jokes on you, religion, because Heaven is just me, and you, in this room, and sometimes we play marbles or jack off.”

His face turned more serious at George’s scowl. He went for a Take 2, his voice much softer now. “No, actually,” he corrected, scratching his cheek. “I think it’s some sort of… Purgatory. Bardo.”

George’s chest felt odd. “Purgatory,” he repeated slowly.

“Purgatory.”

“I don’t understand.”

John clicked his tongue. “Again, love. The queue.”

“Purgatory,” George said again, softly, the words dripping with disbelief.

“The in-between,” John elaborated with a grandiose wave of a hand. “You die, you fuck around here for a bit, and if you’re lucky, you pass on.”

George couldn’t contain his curiosity. “To what?”

John’s features twisted into a strange expression. “I, erm… I don’t know.”

George’s face fell. Right. “Do you…” He began carefully, mulling over the taste of the words in his mouth and sussing out which were the least bitter. “Does time pass the same, then? Here?”

John shrugged indifferently. “You don’t notice it, really. There’s no days or nights—time is a construct, anyway. Haven’t thought about it since. There’s also no expectation, so no boredom. And sometimes I see old friends.” He finished with a signal in George’s direction.

George nodded, swallowing dryly. He doesn’t know.

How long it’s been.

John caught his eye, and George flicked his gaze away in an instant before he could catch on. But John was quick as a cat, just like in youth, and his mouth pressed into a firm line. “George?”

George shook his head.

“George?” His voice was strained now, his demeanor thrown by the unsettling responses. “How long has it been? In-in actual time.”

Wincing at the question he knew he’d elicited, George averted his eyes and spoke near incomprehensibly. “Twenty years.”

John looked dazed.

After a long beat of silence, he snorted dryly. There was nothing humorous in the sound. “Suppose they’re still tryin’ to figure out what to do with me, then.” He paused. “For Chrissake, I already apologized in ’66.”

Neither man laughed at the joke. It was quiet for a long time.

“So.” John interrupted the stretch of silence, rather loudly, startling him. He clapped his hands together. “How’s Rings?”

George felt strangely hollow at the mention of his best friend. “Good. Married again, not long after you—” He stopped himself, unable to finish the sentence. It was still hard to wrap his mind around, all these years later. Even now, that John was standing in front of him, chipper as the day they’d first met (more so, perhaps). Even now, that they were both… “After you.”

“Is he?” John looked surprised, curious. “What’s she like?”

“Name’s Barbara. Ritchie made a film in ’81 called Cavemanand they met on the set. He really loves her. Oh, she’s fantastic,” George asserted, wishing John could have been there, needing John to have been there.

“Watch it,” John warned, his voice light and teasing.

George scowled.

John pushed his shoulder playfully, and George slumped further into the chair, defeated. As John’s laughter died down, George looked up at him and watched in fascination as the man did a complete 180.

The smile melted from his face, and a chill fell over the room.

“I—m…” John cleared his throat, offering the ground a watery smile. “I miss Paul.”

George was suddenly standing knee-deep in the ocean. Nothing in the room was different besides the knowledge that the water on the floor was Pacific. John was there still, only further away now, feverishly blinking the tears away with that desolate smile on his face. Before George could call out to him, comfort him, he turned back towards the expansive sea only to be confronted with a fifty-foot wave.

The breath was knocked from his chest as the wave crashed down with full force, heart shattering on impact. He let out an involuntary gasp at the sudden rush of pain that washed over his chest and began to stumble backwards, tears burning in his eyes. There was no water, no wave, and he was still standing, dry as a bone, but the sensation was all the same. Panic began to rise in his throat, blinded by an incomprehensible catalogue of torment, longing, anger, desperation, heartache. Every excruciating emotion simultaneously wrecked his being, coupled with the strangely overpowering feeling of raw, unabashed love.

John caught his arm, quickly pulling him into a hug. George hadn’t realized that he was close again, and gripped him tightly for fear of having him drift away with the tides that were no longer there. Tears streamed down his face as John stroked soothingly at his hair, muttering sweet comforts and apologies over his head.

“I’m sorry, fuck, mate, I’m sorry,” he babbled, trying to squeeze away George’s trembling sobs. “It works like that here, sometimes. Christ, I’m sorry. It’s all right. You’re all right.”

George sniffed, feeling like a child as he pressed closer into his friend’s body. “Works like what?”

John tensed a bit, though George couldn’t understand why. He spoke slowly, sure but hesitant in his explanation. “Emotions. They’re… different. It’s sort of like all that Hare Krishna unity bullshit—” George wrinkled his nose. “—and whatnot, the whole ‘collective unconscious’.”

George frowned at the implication, taking a tentative step back. “You mean…”

“Feel each other’s emotions, you can,” John answered without missing a beat. He spoke plainly, as if he’d explained this away hundreds of times before. “But there’s a historical aspect, too, that part I don’t quite understand. It only happens sometimes.” His eyes lit up as his voice quieted, mumbling to himself more so than George. “Maybe they had to have been there at the time? ‘Cause of the thing with Elvis…?”

George looked up at him in shock, ignoring John’s musings. “That was you? All that?”

John offered him a lopsided smile.

George’s heart began to pound in wild misunderstanding. He’d always known, of course, that John and Paul had that “special connection” that whisked them away to an entirely different reality. He’d grown up an outsider, watching in on the world’s most famous duo and feeling just like anyone else, at times. His stomach felt queasy and slightly bitter at the thought that perhaps he hadn’t even known the half of it.

All that for Paul?

He suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to comfort John. John’s pain was gone now, replaced by only a dull ache, causing George to shudder at the idea of his mate going through that alone all those years ago.

“Paul’s… good,” he said, slightly unevenly. It felt like a good place to start.

John looked up at him quickly, his eyes both intrigued and desperate. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” George smiled. “He came to visit me. Not long…” His breath caught. “Not long before this.”

“I saw Linda,” John said quietly.

An image flashed in George’s mind of John in the very same room, sitting in a cushioned chair. In the vision, his eyes flicked up from the book in his hands, and he did a double-take, uncrossing his ankle from his knee and sitting up abruptly. Somehow, George knew that he was Linda, seeing John through her eyes. He—Linda—offered John a welcome, familial smile, and George noticed the portfolio of expressions on John’s face as the two radiated towards one another with emotions that George could not feel. And then—nothing.

In front of him now, John shifted uncomfortably, and George tried to get his bearings in the present once more. “She didn’t stay long.”

“It was hard,” George agreed, still trying to shake the vision. “She was the love of his life.”

John nodded, avoiding his eyes.

“He never stops talking about you.”

A beat. “I never stop thinking about him.”

Something passed between them. George wished he could go back in time and relive every Beatle moment together with this newfound information. Suddenly, as if they hadn’t before, things made sense: Paris, the LSD trips, India, the breakup. The songwriting feud. Yoko.

He understood now, that it was a complicated love that surpassed the boundaries of typical labels: no dating or marriageor sex, neither platonic nor romantic. There was a lust, but it was different than any other attraction George had experienced; it was motivated, driven by something much larger than himself. None of it was a means to an end—simply living, appreciating one another, taking it day by day until it imploded and rained down on them like a meteor shower, the disastrous aftermath of planned obsolescence. A love like that could never be.

George felt eager to change the subject.

“Have you seen lots of people passing through, then?” His gaze twitched away to offer the barest amount of privacy as John’s hand came up to quickly swipe a stray tear.

“Um, yeah.” He cleared his throat. “You’d never believe—Elvis was here, when I first got here, which was right thrilling. We talked about everything under the sun for who-knows-how-long, but he left too not long after.” He nodded. “Linda. Some lads from school. Real nice chap named Freddie. He and I made a song together, though I can’t remember it now. He was in that up-and-coming rock group, the one on the tail end of the Beatles.”

“Queen,” George corrected, fascinated.

“No, that’s not it. I wanna say… Oh, you know who was a pleasure?” John switched onto this entirely new track, never missing a beat. “I met some psychologist. Taught me all about these fab concepts like behaviorism and operant conditioning and all that. I’d heard about his book, but I hadn’t read it until I met him. Verbal Behavior, is what it was. Real smart guy.”

“Do you see everyone?”

John thought for a moment. “No, certainly not. People die every minute. I’d be dreadfully overwhelmed.”

George smiled. “That is true. Lucky I showed up here, then.”

John returned the grin, almost sadly. “Yes, but you won’t stay long.”

George felt the strangest urge to reach for John’s hand. He suppressed it. “I want to.”

John shook his head. “You’re a good person, George.”

There were a lot of things to say in response. You are too, Johnny. I’m not a good person. We’ve both done some shit. ‘Good person’ is an arbitrary term because we are not our actions, so it wouldn’t matter, even.But nothing felt quite equipped to rival the emptiness of John’s eyes, so he said nothing.

“What do I look like, Geo?” He asked suddenly, staring a hole in George’s head with newfound curiosity.

The question caught him off guard. “What do you mean?”

John waved a hand dismissively as if it were the most normal question in the world. “Come on now, what do I look like?”

George just blinked. “Like… John.”

With a roll of eyes, John reached out and twirled a finger around the tip of George’s mustache. “You’re all Pepper-like. What about me?”

It suddenly occurred to George that this was not how John always looked, and hadn’t been for nearly forty years. He shifted a bit, startled at the realization. “Oh! Erm—Hamburg. Like we’d just stepped out of Top Ten.”

John grinned and stepped back. “Fascinating, isn’t it? It’s always different. That one, I can’t figure out. I first realized when Freddie asked why I looked like ’74 instead of when I died. I couldn’t give him an answer, on account of I hadn’t even realized that fact.”

George laughed, though it wasn’t funny. There was a giddiness bubbling up in him, mirroring the excitement with which John talked. He felt so bizarrely thrilled that his fingers began to tingle, and he chuckled at that too. The feeling rivaled that of a limb falling asleep, and he mindlessly shook his hand to quiet the growing sensation.

John’s face immediately fell.

George’s stomach dropped at the sudden change of pace. “What?”

His eyes were shining when he spoke the plea to anything that would listen. “No, please,” he muttered, lip trembling. Shaking fingers reached out to grasp at George’s bicep. “Not—not yet, I’m not ready—”

George’s heart hammered in his chest, hardly able to hear himself speak over the blood rushing in his ears. The tingle had snaked its way up his forearms now, and a similar feeling started in his toes. “John, John, what is it? What’s going on?”

“George, please don’t go. Please. This isn’t—it’s not long enough, I need you, I need more time, Geo…” The words trailed off, and a tear fell from each eye as John pulled him into his arms as if that could keep George there. As if he could save them.

George slowly started to understand, swallowing the alarm at John’s frantic reaction. He was going to pass on, to leave John behind just like everyone else in his life. But this was a different kind of departure. It was not Julia’s absence, Mimi’s coldness, Paul’s Linda. It was not even Uncle George’s death, or Brian’s death, or even Julia’s death. At least, those times, he could find someone, something new to latch on to.

George would have felt pity for the man if not for the immense heartbreak, the indescribable pain of watching John come emotionally undone before him.

“It’s okay,” he soothed, blinking as a falling tear graced his own face. He felt oddly in control of the situation, despite seconds away from venturing into the greatest Unknown of all Unknowns. “Shh, John, it’s all right. Listen, we got to do this, didn’t we? We got to talk. And laugh. Just like old times, right?”

John’s voice broke. “I love you, Geo. Don’t go.”

They both knew it was a fruitless request.

George gripped him a bit harder in the embrace, feeling with hopeless acceptance as the tingling feeling reached his shoulders and began to pour down his back. He spoke the only thing that would come to mind.

“I’ll see you,” he whispered, a promise tainted by his own fearful tears slipping onto John’s shoulder.

John’s arms tightened around his waist. “I’ll see you,” he repeated.

[heartslobbf]

let’s talk about perfuma. imo, she’s one of the best characters in the show despite being underdeveloped, and i wanna explain why. she could’ve been extremely average, just some lanky flower girl that doesn’t believe in violence and loves everyone, but she is so much more than that (and it pisses me off that y’all reduce her to that).

in her introductory episode, perfuma is clearly in denial about the horde almost destroying plumeria. she doesn’t want to acknowledge the problem, wants someone else to take care of it for her. she’s scared of change, and that is because change makes you vulnerable. if things always stay the same, there’s a whole lot less danger and uncertainty, and therefore you’re safe. secure. perfuma’s kingdom is dying and she can’t bear to accept it because it is unknown to her. it’s putting her in a position where she is no longer secure. this fear of vulnerability can also be seen at the beginning of 1x10 when the princess alliance falls apart and she literally says ‘being together makes us vulnerable.’

the thing is, perfuma isn’t wrong. look at her choice of words. she says that being together makes them vulnerable, not weak. here, she kind of has the words mixed up, but we see that by s5 she has come to understand the difference. that’s what’s so great about perfuma, her motivation to do better, her hunger for self-improvement. it’s why she’s such an important part of catra’s redemption, actually, because she embodies the kind person catra is or wants to be.

let me explain: perfuma is an angry, impatient, short-tempered character. we are shown this again and again with her passive aggression to others and how easily mermista can annoy her with trivial things (sitting in her seat in the war room, for example). catra is also an angry, impatient character, but perfuma works every day to manage those emotions. she knows she needs them, she uses them as a tool (calling catra out, for example, is a time they were practically pivotal for getting her point across) but she also acknowledges they can hurt the people she loves. we know she does a meditation ritual each morning and we see in 4x02 how quickly she can unravel without it. she wants to be better. she puts the work in. that is such a valuable lesson for a character like catra who has always felt she’s just not good enough, she’s always going to be this angry and unlovable and no one can do anything about it.

so, 4x02. it’s a brilliant episode for perfuma’s character, really, and the first proper development we’ve had since 1x04. we see her anger, her impatience, but we also see her self-doubt. her belief that she’s inadequate, ‘just a flower girl.’ this is also when we get introduced to her little mantra that becomes a bit of a motif later on, ‘i can do this.’ we know perfuma doesn’t wholeheartedly believe this, but she says it anyway because she wants to. perfuma wants to be better. she will do whatever she can to be her best self, whether that be actually conquering her gripes with cacti or realising there’s a loophole with the roots (love that conflict resolution by the way, another good deconstruction of hero bs by spop).

this episode is also significant because it comes back to perfuma’s fear of change, of vulnerability. she’s thrown into a situation she doesn’t want to be in, one she feels miserably unprepared for, and she hasn’t done the one thing that puts her at her best beforehand, but she pulls through in the end because she is surrounded by people that support her, that listened to her and consoled her when she was vulnerable. 4x02 teaches perfuma the power of self-worth and the power of true, mutual, unconditional love, which can only come with vulnerability.

and this is where her character gets really interesting, in my humble opinion. ngl, one of the reasons i love perfuma so much is because she’s a pisces and i am too. i’m not gonna go astrology hoe on you rn, i’m just using this to demonstrate the part of her character that teaches others. pisces, if you don’t know, love to play therapist. we like to help the people around us with whatever strifes they may have because we think we’re fucking great at it. perfuma actually is.

you know how i said perfuma learns the importance of self-belief and vulnerability? yeah, she teaches both of those lessons to other characters in s5. like i said, perfuma is a character who values self-betterment and also happens to be a pisces, so when she sees scorpia, riddled with so much self-doubt and such low self-esteem, her immediate response is just i’m gonna teach that bitch how to love herself. and she does!

i’ve seen some people say they don’t like scorfuma because it seemed as though the writers just decided to ‘fix’ all of scorpia’s problems by giving her a girlfriend. that’s very dumb, first of all because they aren’t even together by the end of the show, they’re just interested in one another. second, the whole point of she-ra is that we’re stronger together. scorpia doesn’t go through growth in s5 because a girl likes her, she goes through growth because someone is showing her support and love for the first time in her life and that empowers her. you know, the worth that scorpia finds in herself doesn’t hinge on perfuma, like it did with catra. it’s about her as an individual, and perfuma so clearly makes it about that when her big lesson revolves around singing. scorpia loves singing. perfuma tells her she should do it because she enjoys it, a sentiment you’d never hear in the horde, and when scorpia does sing, she is actively rejecting the people who did make all her self-worth hinge on them catra. she’s doing something for herself, because she enjoys it, because it makes her happy, because she can.

it’s that same mantra: i can do this, i can do this. i really love how this was brought back from 4x02, how perfuma repurposed something that taught her such a valuable lesson for someone else. perfuma and scorpia are great foil characters actually, both constantly underestimated and thought of as weak by their groups, but some of the strongest characters in the show due to their deep value of love and self. i can do this, and i know i can because you believe in me, because i believe in myself. it’s brought back again in 5x10, when the last thing perfuma says before scorpia breaks the beam is ‘i know you can [pull through]’. she tells catra she believes in scorpia. it’s that belief, that support from other people that empowers the self to believe it too. we are stronger together, you know??

anyways, onto vulnerability. return to the fright zone is in my top ten episodes of the whole fucking show and you might think that’s a bit weird but i don’t. 5x10 encompasses so many important themes of spop so well and tells them with scorfuma and spinnetossa, our two side lesbian couples. this is significant since perfuma literally draws a parallel between her and catra at the end of the episode, and catradora and spinnetossa have always been significant to one another. i’m gonna say it, perfuma is the reason catra is finally able to confess to adora in 5x13. i’ve already talked about how important perfuma is to catra’s motivation to improve, but she literally makes catra rethink everything about strength and vulnerability, two words catra has a lot of feelings about.

catra fears vulnerability. we know this. she has such a deep love for those important to her but is never able to articulate it because she worries she’ll be taken advantage of, shot down, laughed at, whatever. all of this stems from the abuse she suffered at shadow weaver’s hands and her attachment issues, and it’s also why catra pretends to hate scorpia’s very open displays of affection and love: she sees it as weak because she has been taught to, but it’s all she ever really wanted to be.

we also know perfuma used to fear vulnerability. she doesn’t any more. the entirety of the episode leading up to her and catra’s heart-to-heart is her being vulnerable, putting herself in a position where she’s in danger but believing it’s worth it. and it is. despite what everyone said to her, perfuma is right: it was worth it. she got through to scorpia, even if it was only for a moment. she literally spells it out to us and catra with one of the best lines in the whole show: it’s hard, keeping your heart open. it makes you vulnerable, but it doesn’t make you weak, and i have to believe it’s worth it.

back in 1x10, perfuma was right: being together makes you vulnerable. horde prime tries to use people’s relationships against them, that’s literally the plot of save the cat, the point of pitting catra and adora against one another. he sees them as weak, just like shadow weaver deems adora’s feelings for catra ‘confusing’, just like light hope insisted adora was a danger to her friends as long as she was around them. they were all wrong. yes, they’re vulnerable. perfuma acknowledges that vulnerability puts you in danger, that it’s difficult to do that, but she knows it doesn’t make you weak. weakness vs strength is a big conflict in 5x10 literally introduced to us with netossa’s theories on everyone’s weaknesses in the first few minutes.

like perfuma says, friendship isn’t a weakness. it’s her greatest strength. her belief in love is literally what saves her and adora’s lives, it’s what saves everyone who got chipped, glimmer, bow. belief in love, both of others and yourself, is what saves adora in her dying moments. perfuma summarises she-ra’s entire fucking message to us repeatedly in 5x10 and she tells it to catra because catra is the one who will do the most with it. that glance at adora, it’s obvious what it means. perfuma is telling catra she should be open with adora about her feelings because you have to believe it’s worth it.

you won’t get anywhere waiting for other people to make the move. she-ra couldn’t heal plumeria’s lands, so plumeria had to fight their own battle alongside her no matter how much they felt unable to. the rebellion couldn’t move mara’s ship, so perfuma had to despite thinking she wasn’t strong enough. the reason they always win in the end is because they have each other, they have love and support and people motivating them to do better. just like perfuma motivates herself to do better.

it’s the mantra. i can do this. i can be vulnerable and still win, because i have love. and it’s hard, it’s so fucking hard to be vulnerable when you’ve feared it all your life and you’re so angry, so hurt, but you have to believe it’s worth it. and it is. it is, it is, it is, love is stronger than anything and being vulnerable for the people you love is the only way you can ever get what you want from them. perfuma as a character embodies that, having learnt it herself, and teaches the lesson to one of the characters who needs it the most.

adora is dying, and catra loves her, and she knows she does, and she just has to believe. adora is dying, and she loves catra, and she knows she does, but she doesn’t believe. not until catra teaches her too, in that moment, to realise they were all wrong, light hope, shadow weaver, horde prime. adora doesn’t need to let go, she needs to hold on and believe she will be pulled back up by the girl she loves. she needs to believe she deserves it. that it’s worth it.

and it is.