#one shot turned series tf

[jiniretracha]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐲 - Jeon Jungkook (1)

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x fem!reader / Park Jimin x fem!reader (but not quite, you'll see)

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Future smut

Summary: You were supposed to spend your happily ever after with Jeon Jungkook... until a family issue causes him to leave and a sudden break up leaves you bereft in the arms of your best friend, Park Jimin.

Word count: 6.7k

PS: this is heavily entirely inspired in the last two episode of True Beauty (so consider this a huge spoiler if you haven't seen it) cause i've been a fan of it since it came out and I just had to do something about it lol

MASTERLIST // my Ko-Fi // SERIES MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 1: 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐈𝐭 𝐄𝐧𝐝?

“Bottoms up!” Seokjin loudly cheered as you and your friends downed your soju shots. 

You looked at your now-empty glass of soju, liquid that was now burning down your throat. But you couldn’t care less about it. It had been the most tiring day ever, like every day since you started being an assistant to a supermodel newcomer, Nari.

Your eyelids were feeling heavy, dizzy with alcohol and sleep that your body was begging for since the beginning of the day. 

“Hey, Y/N-innie,” Taehyung called you, twirling a strand of hair from her girlfriend’s hair, Karina, your high school best friend, while he talked. “Nari gave you trouble today?” he asked, sipping on his drink. 

With a huff and an eyeroll, you nodded, letting your forehead drop on your palm. “Yeah, fuck, you don’t know how much her voice just irritates me, let alone her demands!” you cried, slurring almost every word. “Ever since Jimin dropped me off that one time, like- when was it? Like, a month ago? She’s been bugging me about getting her a date with him ever since” you cried.

“Then, why doesn’t he take her out?” Karina shrugs.

“Because he doesn’t like her” you sighed, pouring more soju on your shot cup.

Seokjin snorts and shakes his head. “Of course he doesn’t. Who wouldn’t?” he asks with a smile. “I stalked her Insta the other day. She’s pretty and all, don’t get me wrong, but bitch is obnoxious” he hisses.

Your eyebrows arch. “See?” you say to Taehyung and Karina. 

Taehyung laughs. “Where is Jimin, by the way?” he asked, his head turning towards the door. “He said he’d be here by 10 and that was thirty minutes ago” Tae said, looking at you.

You let out a huff. “I don’t know, honestly. He said he was practicing with his new band” you downed your soju shot and then let out a cry. “At this point he’ll abandon us for his new friends” 

“Oh no, not another Jungkook” Seokjin chuckles.

But nobody at the table laughed. Not even a smile was sent his way.

Karina glared at him.

Taehyung narrowed his eyes.

And you, you simply stared at the table in front of you. 

“S-sorry. Didn’t realise it was still a sensitive topic. Sorry” he apologised. If he were a dog, he’d have his tail between his legs, and his ears bowed down in shame along with his head. 

You sighed and used it as an excuse to pour another soju shot. 

Karina looked at you and her expression softened with worry. “Y/N, babe, don’t you think… don’t you think you’ve had enough for today?” she asked.

“Nope”

“How many shots have you downed since we got here?” she asked you, placing a hand over yours.

“I don’t know. And I don’t care” you said, throwing back the shot. “That’s better” 

Taehyung sighed and dug his hand inside his pocket. He clicked on the chat he had with Jimin and sent him another text.

Tae: Jimin hyung. We have a problem. It’s Y/N, hurry tf up. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jimin walked inside the restaurant with a pant and looked around in search of his friends.

“Jimin-ssi” Taehyung waved his hand and Jimin walked faster towards them. 

“Hey!” he panted and his eyes fell towards you.

You were slumped over the table, head inside your arms, as you mumbled incoherent nonsense against the fabric of your cashmere black sweater. 

He smiled slightly and sat on the empty seat next to yours.

“Why did you let her drink so much, you guys?” Jimin scolded them as he got comfortable.

“Yo, blame her, not us bro. She’s a big girl” Seokjin cried. “She needed those drinks. Her day at work sucked”

Jimin let out a sigh and put a hand over your back. 

“Y/N, hey. It’s me, come on. Wake up” he whispered gently as he tried to move you.

Your head shot up and you opened your eyes. You instantly smiled and let out a little chuckle.

“Hello, you…” you drawled out, poking his cheek. 

Jimin gave you a toothy smile. “Yeah, hi, sleeping beauty” he chuckled. 

“I’m sorry…” you said and let your head fall on his shoulder.

He froze in his spot and reluctantly put an arm around you, caressing your shoulder.

His eyes looked up and found Tae and Karina smirking at him. He sent them a frown and a grimace, like stop meddling!

With a sigh, you straightened up and blinked your eyes open. “This is all your fault” you spat at him.

Jimin’s smile fell. “Huh?” he asked, utterly confused.

“Every day at work is a day in hell because of that nagging bitch Nari, why can’t you just do me that favour!” you yelled, grabbing his collar and shaking him a little.

“Wait, wait, Y/N” Jimin said, prying your hands off of him. 

“Y/N, go easy on him” Karina chuckled.

You looked at her and then back at Jimin and let him go with a sigh. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jimin helped you out of the restaurant while Seokjin, Karina and Tae trailed behind. 

“You got her, right? You can drive her home?” Tae asked.

Jimin smiled and nodded, looking at you, slumped against him with a drunk smile. “Yeah, I’ve handled her before, so…” he trailed off with a shrug.

“That’s great, please text us when you guys get home, okay?” Karina said to all of you.

“Yeah, we will” Jimin said, waving at the three friends walking away.

“Buh-bye!” you slurred and then hiccuped.

“Come on, young lady…” he said and helped you walk through the streets.

You turned your head to the side and gasped when you saw the river in front of the restaurant. “Wow…” you breathed out.

Jimin let out a chuckle. “You do that every time we go out to this bar” 

You looked up at him and blushed. “I know, I just love the river” you shrugged.

Your friend eyed you and grabbed your hand, “Come on, let’s sit and look at it, shall we?” 

You smiled and nodded, jumping up and down but he grabbed your waist and pinned you to the ground.

“No jumping”

You grumbled. “Okay, grandpa”

He chuckled and helped you cross the street, leading you to sit on a bench that faced the beautiful view of Han River at night. He sighed when he had you sat down and he did the same, next to you. He curled his arm around you and stared at your face. 

“You okay?” he asked you, handing you a bottle of water he had in his bag.

“Thank you, and yeah, I think so” you sighed, drinking a little from the bottle. “I just have a lot going on, that’s all” 

“Tell me”

“No… it’s always the same” you slurred. “It’s me telling you about my problems when you’re probably on your way to becoming the next big thing. You needn’t worry about my stupid middle class issues”

Jimin cackled. “Hey, I’m middle class, too!” 

“Yeah, well. Not anymore, that’s for sure” you grumbled. 

Jimin giggled. “Come on, let’s get you sober” he said, pushing the bottle closer to you. “Drink it, now”

You chuckled at his tone and gave it a big gulp. 

Once you placed the bottle down next to you, you gave him a dizzy look. 

“What’s up” he smiled.

“Jiminnie” you started. “Can’t you just… like- a little bit, just… take her out? For once?” you pleaded him.

“Y/N…” he huffed. “I said no, okay?”

You groaned. “You could make my life so much easier. I'm not talking- like- dating and stuff, marry her or some shit. I'm just asking you to take her to dinner, once. That's all I'm asking” you insisted, putting your hands together in a praying manner.

“I don't like her! I find her just as infuriating as you do” Jimin cried.

“I know, I know. But just once… you can like- totally dump her after that” you continued. 

Jimin looked down, clearly uncomfortable. “Please stop” he told you and you bit your lip, to contain pleading him much further. “Don’t tell me to meet some other girl, alright?” he asked you, with a straight face. 

You frowned at his tone, so unlikely of his character.

“It makes me mad” he sighed. 

“Why?” 

“Why do you ask?” he chuckled and looked away. “I think you should know how I feel by now, Y/N” 

You gave Jimin a confused look.

He pressed his tongue against his cheek. “She’s drunk, Jimin. Come on” he whispered to himself. 

You grabbed his hand and gave him puppy eyes. “Tell me… It’s okay, I’ll probably remember tomorrow” 

Jimin looked at you, completely enamoured by you and his eyes couldn't help but drift down to your mouth. Your plump bottom lip was jutted and it was giving him the mad urge to bite it. But he had to pull himself together. 

You, as drunk as you were, realised that Jimin, in that moment, wanted to kiss you.

“Jimin?” you asked him.

“Yeah?” he asked you, his gaze not pulling away from your lips.

“Can we… can we go home?” you stuttered. “I’m kind of freezing”

Jimin pulled away all of a sudden and blinked. 

Of course.

“Y-yeah, let’s go” he whispered. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

The next day, you sat up on your bed holding your head in your hands. 

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m never drinking again” you whispered to yourself.

The door opened and Jimin walked inside the room, holding a cup of tea in his hands and a tablet of Advil in his hand.

“You say that every time” he chuckled.

You sighed and let him sit next to you, as he handed you the cup and the Advil. “I know, but I think this time I mean it” you licked your lips, downing the pill. “Thank you, Chim”

He smiled and put the cup down. “You’re welcome”

You grabbed his arm and smiled, remembering all of a sudden. “How did practice go? Did they tell you when’s your debut date?” 

“Nope” he shook his head. “But I have a great feeling about it, actually” he nodded. “I think it’s closer than we all think”

“I think it’s around the corner. No, it’s behind you. It’s like, breathing down your neck” you smiled, sipping on the tea while he chuckled.

“That’s sweet of you, Y/N” he blushed. 

“I’m just telling you the truth” you shrugged and he pressed his lips together. 

“Thank you” he chuckled. 

You swallowed the tea and left the cup by your nightstand.

“Did I gave you a hard time last night?” you asked him, really not wanting him to answer that question but also wanting him to. “You know, I don’t remember how I got so drunk” 

He patted your hair and gave you a smile. “No, just… you were very insistent” he frowned.

You pulled your face back. “What? With what?”

“With the Nari thing” he replied. 

Your shoulders deflated. “Oh, yeah” you nodded. “Sorry about that. It’s just that… she’s like… making me hate my job”

“But you love it” he frowned.

“I know! I love it, and that’s the worst part” you said.

He sighed. “I’ll think of something” Jimin tried.

Your eyes widened. “You will?” you asked with a smile.

“I’ll try, I said” 

You clapped your hands and hugged him. “Oh, thank you, Chim. I love you!” you squealed.

Yeah… 

“I love you, too” he said, patting your back. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You walked down the steps of the building hall with Jimin, as he grabbed the keys from his car from his pocket.

“Thank you… again, Chim, for taking me here. I’m really lucky to have someone who’s there to save my ass every time” you chuckled. 

He giggled and pushed your shoulder slightly. “Don’t mention it, and don’t get sappy on me. I might throw up” 

You laughed and looked away. “I won’t… sorry” 

You got flashbacks from the events from the night prior.

How he had looked at your lips.

How he had looked at you with want.

You hadn’t been looked like that since-

“Hey, you okay?” Jimin asked you, placing a hand on your shoulder, pulling you back to earth. 

You blinked. “Um, Chim… you- you wanted to say something to me last night. You remember?” you asked him. 

He licked his lips. “I- I- uh…” he stammered. 

You noticed his discomfort and you let out a sigh. 

“Chim… don’t tell me-”

“I’m sorry” he looked away, ashamed.

You closed your eyes. “Chim, come on” 

“I know” he said, his eyes getting teary.

You grabbed his hands and made him look at you. “It’s not worth it… I’m… not worth it”

Jimin smiled. “Yeah, you are. You’re just… blind, I guess” he chuckled a little.

You smiled. “No, I’m really not. I’m a dumbass, who’s too stupid to get over his ex” you exploded. “And you deserve someone who gives you her full attention. And doesn’t have baggage like me”

“Why don’t you let me help you?” he asked you.

“What?” you asked, confused. “With- with what?”

“Help you get over him…”

「 ✦ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

𝐖𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰: 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝? ✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 A YEAR AGO 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jungkook walked through the halls of the hospital, his breathing was heavy and his eyes were drenched with tears. 

He knew his father and him didn’t have the greatest relationship out of all, but he wasn’t going to deny that he loved him.

It was his only parent alive, and he wasn’t about to lose him just like he lost his mother. At least, without saying goodbye. 

He pushed the door open from his room and found him lying in his hospital bed.

Jungkook blinked a couple of times, trying not to cry in front of the nurses that were cleaning up his room. 

They all looked at him and gave him a sympathetic look.

He sighed and went to sit down next to him, feeling the nurses scurry away from the room to give him some privacy with his father. Jungkook grabbed his hand and watched him breathe in and out, with his mask placed on his face. He looked so peaceful and he feared that if he touched him too harshly, he’d break.

“I’m here…” he whispered against his palm. “I’m here, dad” 

His dad’s eyes blinked open and he made a surprise noise. 

“I… Jungkook” he tried to smile. 

“Dad” he smiled, caressing his arm.

“I’m sorry” he breathed out. “I’m sorry, Jungkook” he said and tried taking off his mask.

“No, no, no” Jungkook cried softly, tears falling on his face. “Keep it, you need that”

He grabbed his son’s hand and placed it close to his heart. 

“I thought… I’d go without being able to see you” he breathed out. “You traveled all the way to the US to see me?” 

He smiled at him and nodded. “I did, dad” he smiled.

Jungkook had flied all the way to Minnesota, just to see his dad after receiving a call that he had been urged to the hospital. 

“Thank you, son” he grinned, patting Jungkook’s hand. “Did you tell Y/N you’re here?” 

He nodded. “Yeah, she actually drove me all the way to the airport”

His dad chuckled. “That girl… she’s special, huh?”

“Yeah, she’s really something” Jungkook chuckled, feeling his chest tighten at how much love his heart held for you. 

“I’d… I’d like to meet her sometime, if you let me” his dad asked him.

Jungkook looked away and wiped the tears from his face. 

“I know, I know I fucked up” he sighed. 

“Shh… please try to sleep, okay?” he asked his dad. 

His dad nodded weakly and his eyes slowly closed. 

Jungkook sat up and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll see you later, okay?” he whispered and kissed his forehead once again. 

He left the room, and let out a sigh. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

A few weeks later, Jungkook opened the door to his room at the hospital that was connected to the one his father had, and let out a breath when he let himself fall on the bed with a thud.

With a groan, he stretched his back and let all the muscles and bones crack. 

He felt his phone buzzing in the pocket of his jeans and he quickly took it out from it.

Jungkook felt his mouth widen in a lovesick smile and pressed answer immediately.

“Jagiya! What are you doing up at this hour? Isn’t it like… the middle of the night in Seoul?” he asked, checking the watch he had on his wrist.

You giggled on the other side. “I was studying, that’s it” he heard her giggle and he sat up on the bed. “Are you at the airport yet?” 

“No, I just got back from taking care of him. You know, giving him food with a fork like a baby and shit. I’m being picked up in an hour or so” he smiled. “Dad’s going to be discharged soon though, I don’t know if I’m gonna have to go back again, you know?” 

“You wanna fly with your dad?” you asked him. 

“Yeah, kind of” he shrugged. “But… at the same time, I don’t wanna leave you, you know?” he chuckled. 

“Aw, you love me” you sing-songed.

“Didn’t you know yet?” he giggled. “Head over heels” 

You squealed on the other side of the line and his heart doubled its size. “I love you too, my Jungkookie” 

“Ah, I miss you, Jagi” he sighed.

“Me too” you smiled. “But we’re seeing each other in hours so… don’t miss me too much” 

“That is literally impossible” he let out a breath.

“Okay, okay, enough with me. How’s your dad?” you asked him. 

“He’s alright, I guess. He’s completely awake now, and well, he’s tired as hell” he told you. “But they told me that everything is a good sign. I mean, he had a heart attack, he could’ve died… literally speaking. But, you know, he’s recovering, and he’s doing well. And I trust them” 

“That’s good, then” you told him, with genuine happiness.

“Yeah, it is”

“I told you everything was going to be okay, Kookie” you said softly.

“You’re always right”

“I’m always right, indeed. You’re a smart boy” you giggled.

He repeated the action and giggled too.

“You know, it’s been a month since we’ve seen each other”

“Yeah” he nodded. “I miss you so much” he said, again.

“I know, you told me” you chuckled. “And I miss you too… you know, I can come meet you at the airport” 

“No, Jagi, don’t worry. I’ll head to you as soon as I arrive” Jungkook reassured you. 

“No! I really want to go!” you whined.

Jungkook rolled his eyes with a smile. “You’re not gonna let it go, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Alright, you can come to the airport” Jungkook said.

“Yay” you squealed.

“Okay, missy. You gotta go to sleep, it’s Thursday. You have uni tomorrow” Jungkook scolded.

“Yes, sir”

He felt his cock stir at the sudden name you used. “Y/N…”

“Yeah?” you said, feigning innocence. 

“I’m hanging up” he chuckled.

“Okay” you said and he heard you yawn. “I’ll see you tomorrow, my love. I love you”

“See you tomorrow, Jagi. Love you”

He hung up the call and let the phone drop on the bed.

A few minutes later, he got a call from the uber that was waiting for him outside the Hospital.

He grabbed his suitcase and got out of the room, but the moment he did, he saw three paramedics running with a hospital bed, in which laid a patient he knew really well: his dad.

His eyes widened and he ran, following them as they got inside the Operating room. When he got to the door, a nurse intercepted him and he was sure she was telling him to step back, but with all his yelling, he couldn’t hear a thing. 

“Dad!” he yelled, “Dad!” 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You got to the airport with a huge smile on your face and sat down on a bench by the arrivals gate. You were chewing your lip anxiously and excitedly at the same time because you were dying to see your boyfriend. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

“Your dad had a cardiac arrest, boy” the doctor in charge of the surgery said, taking off his face mask.

Jungkook felt his heart drop to his feet as he stared wordlessly at the doctor.

“His vitals are stable, however… his condition is still serious” the doctor said. “We’ll do whatever it takes to get your dad back to your home country, don’t worry” he smiled slightly, patting Jungkook’s shoulder and heading back to the operation room.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Two hours passed… then three… and then four.

Jungkook was nowhere in sight.

It got to a point where you stared at the floor, feeling numb. The sadness had left your body a while ago and it was just hopelessness.

You decided to get up from the bench, paid for the parking and went straight home. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

The next day, you sat with Karina next to you at your uni class, while staring at your textbook. 

You felt her shake your shoulder and you looked at her, only to find her giving you a look that screamed: I pity you.

“Hey, babe. You alright?” she asked.

Bless her soul.

You plastered a fake smile and nodded. “Yeah, just… distracted. That’s all” you lied.

She furrowed her eyebrows but let it go. 

You felt your phone buzz and you immediately grabbed it. 

Disappointment filled your body when you saw it was just a dumb Instagram notification. With a sigh, you opened the messaging app and clicked on the chat with your boyfriend. 

You eyed the past messages you and Jungkook had shared, and the last you had sent him.

You: How’s your dad?

Jungkook: the same

You: did you at least get some sleep, baby?

He hadn’t replied to that one. 

You licked your lips and pressed your eyes together, trying to refrain yourself from crying in front of a whole class. How embarrassing. 

By the end of the day, you felt your stomach killing you with anxiety, to the point that when you got to your home, you had to bend over from the pain. 

You groaned, and gasped, feeling your feet shake from the pain.

Karina, who happened to be your roommate at the time, saw you on the floor and gasped, running towards you.

“Y/N! Y/N! You okay? Hey, look at me!” she desperately said, grabbing your face. 

“Kari- Kari, please take me to the hospital” you wheezed out.

“Yeah, yeah, come on” she said. “Hold on to me”

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

A few hours later, Karina watched you sleep in a hospital bed. They had given you medication for the stomach pain and some pills for future anxiety attacks like the one you had.

She sighed as she stared at you.

“She’s gonna be fine, babe” Taehyung, your longtime friend, and since two months ago, Karina’s boyfriend, said, rubbing her back.

“I know, she will be. But it’s what's causing it that's worrying me, you know?” Karina bit her lip.

With a long breath out, she smiled at her boyfriend. 

Your phone vibrated on the little stand next to the bed.

Jungkook, it read. 

Karina and Taehyung looked at each other and nodded. Karina picked up the call and tried her best to sound calm.

“Hey, Jungkook” she said. 

“Oh, Karina. Hi” he smiled slightly. “How have you been?”

“I’m fine, how about you?” Karina replied. 

Jungkook sighed. “Well, I’m… holding on, I guess. Where’s- where’s Y/N?” he asked shakily. 

Karina looked at your sleeping form and chewed on her lip. “Um, don’t freak out. Y/N’s at the hospital right now, we’re taking care of he-”

“WHAT?” Jungkook yelled. “How- how did that happen? Is she okay?”

“Oh gosh, calm down. She’s fine, Jungkook. It’s not serious. She just had an anxiety attack and her stomach was killing her” Karina explained it all to Jungkook. “The exams we’ve had lately are killing us and well… you know, what’s going on with your dad took a toll on her, too. I’m not gonna lie to you, Kook” 

“Can- can I speak to her, please?” Jungkook asked, in a small voice. 

“I’m sorry, she’s asleep. They gave her some strong medicine that kicked her lights out” Karina chuckled a little. “How’s your dad, Jungkook?”

“He’s not well, yet” Jungkook whispered.

Karina hummed. Tae crouched down and said, “Hey, Jungkookie, we miss you”

Jungkook smiled. “Hey, Tae” he chuckled.

“Okay, that’s enough, adults are talking” Karina jokingly pushed his boyfriend away, making him pout at her. “Well, we wish you and him nothing but the best from here. We’ll tell her to call you when she wakes up”

Jungkook nodded. “Right, thank you” he said quietly. 

Jungkook hung up and Karina left the phone by the stand with a sigh.

“I hope he’s okay” Tae told her.

Karina grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it. “He will be. And Y/N-nnie will be too” 

Taehyung nodded and hugged his girlfriend.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Once you got home, you got ready for bed in your usual pajamas: one of Jungkook’s shirts and a pair of worn out shorts. 

As you let yourself get comfortable under the sheets, you felt your phone ringing and you quickly grabbed it, smiling slightly when you saw your boyfriend's name on the screen.

You swiped to answer the call and calmed yourself. 

“Hey, Kook! How are you, honey” you smiled. “It feels like we haven’t talked in forever”

“Hey… right” he trailed off.

Jungkook was sitting on a hospital bench, outside of his father’s room. His leg was bouncing up and down with the nerves racking over his body. 

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah!” you lied. “I am, actually. Of course. I actually passed my last test yesterday so…” 

“That’s great” Jungkook breathed out in a smile. 

“I know!” you squealed. “I was so nervous. But well, if I’m going to be the best makeup artist ever, I gotta pass the hardest tests, I mean, right?” 

“Yeah” Jungkook said, biting his lip and rolling his lip ring with his tongue. “Y/N…”

“Yeah, babe?”

Jungkook pressed his eyes together at the nickname. “We… we should break up” he said all in one breath. 

You blinked a couple of times, feeling your heart stopping its beating for a couple of seconds. “Huh?” you asked in a small voice. “What do you mean?”

“Waiting on my dad without knowing when he’ll wake up… must be hard for you too” Jungkook said, feeling the tears he had tried so hard to hold in his eyes, starting to fall. He sniffled and looked down to his feet. “It’s not fair to you”

You felt your vision getting blurry with tears. “What- what are you talking about?” you asked him. “It’s not hard for me at all, Jungkook” you lied. “I can wait, it’s all right”

“I don’t feel that’s what you deserve, Jagiya. I can’t even be there for you when you need me” Jungkook cried. “I feel so bad about it”

“You don’t have to feel bad about me, Jungkook” you cried.

“But I do! You’ve had an anxiety attack and I couldn’t even be there for you. God knows what else you might be going through or what you’ll go through and I’ll be unable to be there for you because of my current situation!” Jungkook said, his face completely soaked with tears of sadness. 

“I said I’m fine, Kook. Why are you doing this?” you sobbed. Jungkook didn’t answer. “I don’t want to break up. Nuh-uh” you shook your head as you frowned. “I can- fuck, I can even make money to fly back and fourth but we’re not over, we’re not!” 

“I… I can’t let you do that” Jungkook chuckled humorlessly. 

“Why not? Jungkook, that is my decision” you told him.

Jungkook smiled at your words and how you stood your ground. Just like you’ve always done. 

“Do well in Uni, Jagi. Don’t wait for my calls anymore, okay?” he asked softly. 

“Stop it, stop it, stop it!” You cried, almost grabbing your hair and ripping it out of your head from how he was talking. “Don’t say it like it’s our last time”

“It is…” he sobbed.

“No, I’m hanging up, Jungkook. You can call me when you’re in your right mind. Okay?” you said and hung up. 

You threw your phone further away on the bed and dropped your face on your pillow, sobbing your lungs out and kicking your feet. 

Karina came into the room, hearing your cries and immediately wrapped her arms around you, soothing you.

Meanwhile, in the United States, Jungkook stared at his phone and let out a sob that racked through his whole body. He let his head drop and cried, alone in a hospital hallway, his shoulders shaking. 

「 ✦ 𝐖𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

𝐖𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬' 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬

𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬?✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

The days went by slowly, oh so slowly. It was torture. Seokjin, the one who knew how to cheer you up the most, didn’t know what to do. He had run out of jokes to tell you, the ones he knew that he’d have you cackling and grabbing your stomach in seconds. 

Jimin, whom you’ve always considered your soulmate, always reminding each other how scary it was how alike you thought, didn’t even know what you were thinking now. He couldn’t decode what was on your head anymore. 

Karina didn’t know what to do either. She didn’t want to pressure you into going out to get your mind off things, but she also didn’t want you to mope around forever in your shared apartment. 

Taehyung was going crazy as well, because he knew that Jungkook, one of his best friends, wasn’t going to come around any time soon and, because he cared for you, he felt so bad for you as well. 

A month passed by and Karina had moved out of the apartment to Taehyung’s. You were genuinely happy for her, because you knew how long it had taken for those two to confess their feelings, and you knew how much they loved each other. 

But, at the same time, you were jealous of her. Because you didn’t get to have that with Jungkook, and you knew that you weren’t going to have that. 

At the same time, you wanted to have all of those things but you didn't want it with anybody that wasn’t Jeon Jungkook. And it hurt like hell.

Jimin was the one who was the most present and there for you during your break up. He’d bring you your favorite ramen, bring you take out, bring you the snacks you knew you’d like, bring you pads for your periods, etc. 

He had been your rock throughout the whole process, and it made you realize just how lucky you were to have him.

“Thank you, Chim” you smiled at him when he handed you the ramen bowl.

He smiled. “You’re welcome, Y/N-innie” he said, patting your hair.

“No. Not only for the ramen, I mean. For- for everything you’ve done so far” you said, your eyes lining up with tears. “I’m so thankful to have a friend like you. I’m really lucky”

Jimin bowed his head down at the mention of the word friend, but he let it slide, for your and his own sake. “Yeah, don’t mention it. I know you’d do the same for me”

“Of course” you smiled, and grabbed his hand. 

He covered your hand with his free hand and smiled at you. “You know, I’ve been to therapy these past couple of years and one thing that I found really… really helpful for… you know… letting go of some unsaid feelings, thoughts, whatever is going through your mind, is to write them down in letter form” he said. 

“Chim-”

“I know. It’s just an idea. Something that worked for me” Jimin spoke softly to you, caressing your hand. “You can address it to… you know who, and tell that person how you feel, without sending it to him actually. It worked for me” he shrugged

You didn’t say anything.

“I’ll bring you some diet coke, is that okay?” Jimin said, standing up from the bed.

You sighed and nodded. “Yeah. You know me so well, thanks” you chuckled.

“No worries”

Once he left, you placed the bowl on the nightstand and went to your desk to grab your phone that had just finished charging. 

Accidentally, on your way back to bed, you bumped your hip into your desk chair, making the bag that was on it, fall to the floor.

“Shit” you said, grabbing your hip in pain and crouching down to put your bag on the desk chair again.

When you moved the bag out of the way, you saw something underneath your desk. You quickly grabbed it with a frown and your heart started beating faster when you saw what it was.

It was a photo strip taken at a photobooth, with you and Jungkook in it, kissing, looking so in love like you had always been. It had written in sharpie: happy 11 months, babe!

You felt a tear run down your cheek at the memory. It was a gift he had given you 3 months ago, for your 11th month anniversary. You couldn’t even celebrate a full year together because you had broken up a week prior to the date. 

Your chin quivered with sadness and turned the picture down, unable to continue staring at it. 

But as you turned it down, you realised that something was written at the back. 

“I hope we can go to Namsan, to make a wish upon the first snow… so we can be together forever” 

You frowned as you cried. 

Now, that wish, to be together forever, was further away than Jungkook. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

The next day, you walked out of Uni with Karina and Seokjin by your side, chuckling at some dumb story that Seokjin had told. 

“Oh God, shut up, Jin” Karina rolled her eyes. 

“No, Karina, but I’m telling you. We have to go to that Karaoke again” he insisted. “We’ll have so much fun, this time, Y/N-innie, you’re coming with us. No exceptions”

“Okay, okay” you sighed.

Karina and Seokjin turned to look at each other and squealed. “Yeah!” Seokjin said, grabbing your waist and twirling you around.

“Y/N’s back!” Karina smiled, clapping her hands.

“Oh God, put me down, Seokjin!” you yelled.

“Sorry” he mumbled.

You chuckled and then gasped, feeling something dropping on your hand.

Your eyes fell to the back of your hand and saw a white, little, snowflake. 

“Oh, it’s snowing, look!” Karina gasped.

You looked up and saw the snowy weather. 

Why did everything remind you of him?

That night, you couldn’t help but drive all the way to Namsan Tower, and as you reached the outer observatory, you sat down on a bench and sighed. 

“Okay… here goes my wish” you whispered under your breath. “I wish… to get the job I applied for last week. I really hope I get it, I’m needing the money” you sighed. 

You licked your lips and looked up.

“And I wish for Jungkook’s dad to get okay” you said. “I guess, that’s a little selfish, wishing twice” you brushed the snow from your hair and stood up, ready to go home. “Whatever wish comes true… I’m happy with either of those” Feeling like you’ve completed your purpose, you walked out of Namsan Tower, and went straight back home. 

「 ✦ 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐚��𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 ✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Jungkook sat by his dad’s hospital bed, while scrolling down on the gallery app.

It was self-torture, he knew that, but he couldn’t stop thinking about you, and he felt the need to go through every photo you’ve taken together. 

He swiped over every photo, memorizing every feature on your face and recalling every memory behind every single photo. 

He stopped when he reached a particular one.

You were on his bed, wearing his shirt. You were holding his brother’s new pup, the one he had given you two to care of for a week because he had gone on vacation. 

He felt a sob rack through his throat at the memory, one which he recalls was the happiest of his life. 

He didn’t know how happy he was back then, but now, he knows he had never been happier. 

And it was all because of you. 

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

Once you got back home, you sat on your desk and grabbed your macbook, opening it. 

You remembered Jimin’s words. 

Write a letter to Jungkook, addressing it to him, without sending it. Just to free some feelings.

That was easy.

You grabbed a hair tie, wrapping it around your hair in a bun and let out a shaky breath.

Dear Jungkook,

It’s been almost 2 months since our last call. I guess you can say I’ve been doing fine, academically speaking. 

I’ve passed my classes and I’m only one exam away from getting my degree early with Karina. We’re so excited. We honestly cannot wait to start working already. 

I wonder if you’ve started studying music over there. I know that Jimin and you would’ve been such a power music couple. You would’ve broken every single record. I hope one day I can hear the music you made. You know, even the ones you played for me. 

I know I stopped texting. And I’m sure you’re wondering why. But it’s because I realized that maybe this was for the better. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be together for the rest of our lives like we had planned. Like we wanted to. Like I wanted to. At some point, I got tired of the read status. It made me sad. I can’t do that to myself anymore. 

It’s snowing here. I hope the place you’re in is warm, I know you don’t enjoy cold weather that much. 

I won’t contact you anymore.

I promise.

I just felt like this was for the better. Writing a goodbye letter to get closure.

So that we can get some closure.

So that I can get some closure.

Goodbye.

You finished writing the letter and pressed your lips together. 

Your eyes looked up on the screen and saw Jungkook’s contact on the message inbox. 

Without a second thought, you copied the letter and sent it to him. You quickly shut the macbook and stood up from the desk. You let yourself fall on your ass on the bed, placing your back against the bedpost. 

The tears fell across your cheeks, like a waterfall.

Closure. That’s exactly what was needed. 

「 ✦ 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐌𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞

𝐒𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞

𝐃-𝐘-𝐈-𝐍-𝐆 ✦ 」

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 PRESENT DAY 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

“Y/N?” 

“Huh?” you blinked.

Jimin let out a little laugh. “Did you hear what I just said?” he asked.

You licked your lips. “Yeah…”

“Well, will you let me?” Jimin asked. “Will you let me help you get over him?” 

You looked at your feet and got nervous. “I- I don’t know, Chim” 

“I’m not trying to pressure you” Jimin said, putting his hands up in a defensive manner. “Just let me take you out. Once… twice… as many times as you want” 

“That’s why you got annoyed that I kept bringing Nari up, huh?” you asked.

“Well… yeah, kind of” Jimin chuckled. 

You chewed on your lip. 

“Okay”

Jimin frowned. “Okay… what?”

You smiled. “I’ll let you take me out, Chim”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

let me know what you think :))

PREVIOUS // NEXT

[pimosworld]

Just say the word

Pairing-Tf boys x reader (one shot)

CW-18+, NSFW, MDNI, established polyamorous relationship, light teasing, edging, voyeurism, orgasm denial, exhibitionism, possessive tf boys, mentions of smut, fingering, soft dom Will, soft dom Santi, soft dom Frankie. Unsuspecting victim ( poor Jack) he’s innocent in this I swear.

Summary- The boys decide to have a little fun at your expense.

WC- 1.7k

A/N- Set in the (story of us) universe but can be read as a stand alone. I feel like I’ve neglected this bunch since I finished the story and I miss them and their delusional little bubble. Please enjoy this ficlet set some time after the story of them ends and their relationship begins.

[Series Masterlist]

Not beta read

It feels weird being back in your normal spots. Nestled away in the corner booth in the dimly lit bar. All five of you crammed in like nothing has changed. Except it has. 

  This thing forming between the five of you for the last several months. No rules, no pressure, just the four of them not being able to let you out of their sight for more than five minutes. It’s intoxicating and overwhelming and you love it. 

  You are situated between Frankie and Santi, Will on the other side of Frankie sharing glances. Knowing tells as you squirm in your seat. Santi’s hand squeezes the plush skin of your thigh while Frankie rubs soothing circles against your knee. It all looks so normal to anyone walking by. They’ve been teasing you all night, switching places as they grab more drinks at the bar or head to the bathroom. 

  Will grins as he watches you fidget, not so subtly rubbing your legs together at the thought of his hands so close to where you needed them most. Not less than ten minutes ago he had you pleading into his ear like you were telling him a secret. His fingers tracing up and down the seam of your panties, wetness pooling against the fabric as you chased his touch. 

  Goosebumps raise on your arms as Santi’s fingers slip just past the string, curling in so precisely, you half to clear your throat to stifle the moan that crawls up the back of your throat. 

  “Ya ok sweetheart?” Will says and the look you flash is equal parts beautiful and terrifying all at once. 

  Santi kisses your shoulder, such a sweet endearing gesture to juxtapose the absolute filth that is happening below the table. “She’s fine.” A look to Frankie, something unspoken passing between them as the corners of Frankie's eyes crinkle with a smile. 

  You bite the inside of your cheek as his thumb presses against your clit. Dropping your head to your hands to wipe the sweat from your brow. 

  “Just say the word baby and we’ll stop.” Frankie’s voice in your ear luring you into the lion's den. You weren’t going to lament that easily. 

  Your hand drifts below the table, palming at the growing bulge in his pants, you yelp when he smacks your thigh. His palm soothes the spot as you let out a shaky breath. 

  “Hands where I can see them sweetheart.” Will commands. 

  “Fuck you.” 

  “Thirsty?” Ben’s voice cuts through the pounding in your ears. His one hand with a refill pitcher of beer, the other gesturing behind him as he mouths ‘be nice.’

  Following close behind with an empty glass is a familiar face. Not one you don’t want to see on any given day,  but right now you’re struggling to breathe normally. 

  “Fucking Jack.” Frankie bites out and you regard him with a quirked brow. 

  “I thought you liked him.” Your head turned in a whisper and he just lets out a deep sigh. 

  It’s not that he doesn’t like him so much as he knows how much the guy likes you. Judging by the grin etched across his face as he approaches the table. 

  Santiago withdraws his hand and you whine at the loss, disguising it with a cough as Ben shoots you a worried look. 

  Everyone reaching for the cold glasses as Jack slides into the booth next to Ben. You watch Santi from the corner of your eye, slowly taking his fingers in his mouth. The others preoccupied with greetings as he hums at the taste. 

  Your mouth agape at the filthy show of dominance. He takes a sip of his beer, his dark eyes on you as he swallows and you watch the way his throat bobs. 

  “You’ll catch flies that way cariño.” 

  You tamp your mouth shut as heat licks up your spine. 

  Frankie slides you a beer as a peace offering and you let out a breath hoping the torture is over with your new guest at the table. 

  Jack says your name and you probably look a little wide eyed when you say hello. Sounding a little too happy to see him. Completely unaware that whatever tension building right now is not directed at him. 

  “Haven’t seen you guys here in awhile.” He says as he pours himself a beer. 

  “We’ve been…busy.” The boys snicker as Ben hides his smile behind his glass, unbeknownst to Jack. 

  “What have y’all been up to? Any hot dates recently?” 

  The boys stay quiet, shooting each other looks as Frankie’s hand starts inching it’s way up your thigh. 

  He nudges Ben with his elbow. “Oh come on, spill. I know you’ve at least got some.” 

  Ben laughs it off, eyes flicking to you and memories of your date the previous night. He looks shy almost as he rubs the back of his neck. “Maybe I have, maybe I haven’t.” 

  You’re starting to gauge their annoyance at his presence. 

  Frankie doesn’t falter as he pinches the fabric between his fingers and you clamp your thighs shut. Your sandals clicking loudly on the floor. 

  Santiago laughs, motherfucker…with a stupid grin on his face and Will has to bite down on his lip to keep his at bay. 

  “In fact.” Jack starts up again. Pointing at Santiago.  This guy doesn’t quit apparently. “Last time I saw you here you had some hot blonde in your lap.” 

  He drops his head to the table and for his sake he looks apologetic. “I don’t recall.” The redness creeping up his neck and the simmering tension below the surface. 

  Frankie relents when he notices your obvious discomfort. They’ve been edging you all night and now this Jack off had to come and ruin all the fun. 

  “What about you honey? You seeing anyone?”

  Bingo

  His attention on you, a wide smile on his face. He draws his fingers up and down the condensation on his glass and you have the sudden wild thought to pour it on you. Anything to escape this fresh hell. 

  He wasn’t an unattractive man. Tall, broad shoulders and a strong jaw. Gorgeous head of dark brown hair that was always kept neat and combed back. He’s a firefighter so he’s got a great build and he can on occasion make you laugh. 

  Which is perhaps why the rest of the table looks as though they’re three seconds from choking him. 

  Frankie’s hand flexes a little on your thigh, Ben cracks his knuckles and stares straight ahead at Will whose jaw is so clenched you think he might break a few teeth. 

  And Santiago…looks as stoic as you’ve ever seen him. Too calm. 

  “Baby.” Frankie’s voice and the startling use of the pet name brings you back to the present. “He asked you a question.” His head tilted in waiting. 

  You fumble for words you’ve never actually spoken out loud. Not knowing what the right or wrong thing to say is. “I’m…keeping my options open.” 

  That seems to be the right answer for now. Santiago gives you a reassuring squeeze as he resumes drinking his beer. You can feel Frankie relax next to you and Ben’s shoulders aren’t reaching his ears. 

  Will still watches Jack, who obviously can’t take a hint. 

  His tongue dragging along his teeth as he eyes you from across the booth. For the sake of his safety you don’t want to let him finish whatever thoughts he has running through his head at your admission. 

  You slap your hands down on the table. “I’ve had too much to drink.” Signaling to Frankie and Will to slide out so you can relieve yourself, or at the very least get some space between you and Jack. 

  Someone has the nerve to pinch your ass before you exit the booth and curse low under your breath as you retreat to the restrooms. You were absolutely going to kill them when you got home later. 

  —

  The blatant flirting, the casual use of your sacred nickname, the way he’s not so subtly checking out your ass as you walk away. 

  The guys aren’t certain but Jack acts as though he’s not in clear immediate danger. But he’s a firefighter so the regard for his life is skewed toward running at a problem and not away from it. 

  As you round the corner disappearing from view he focuses his attention back on the table. Whistling low under his breath as he shakes his head still oblivious to the rage closing in on him. 

  “I still don’t know how one of you hasn’t snagged that yet.” Jack says offhandedly as he downs the rest of his beer. 

  Ben takes it from him and Santiago flinches, unsure of what the younger man will do as he calmly slides it out of reach. 

  It’s one of those intense moments. In the wild we freeze it in photographs and videos. In the images there’s a predator, perhaps a cheetah staring unblinkingly at a gazelle, who stares back with a look of surprise and terror. 

  “How do you know we haven’t?” Ben’s body turns to face him as he clears his throat. 

  He stutters a little, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Look if I’m moving in on anyone’s territory you just say the word-“ 

  “You are.” Will says without specifying whose. 

  Will stands as you make your way back to the table and Jack stands with him, waving goodbye. Frankie stays seated, not yet able to hide the evidence of his arousal. The whole display not doing anything to compress his excitement. 

  The guys all shift as you slide in, Will taking his seat next to you as Frankie throws his arm over your shoulder and he can see the wheeler turning in the poor man’s head. You never stood a chance.

  “Leaving so soon?” Your sweet voice doing nothing to disguise your obvious guess at what just transpired. 

  “Ugh…ya I’ve got an early day tomorrow.” He offers a tight lipped smile before walking away with his tail tucked. 

  Frankie’s laugh jostles you and you move to slap his arm as he grabs your wrist. “Play nice hermosa.” 

  You huff as you pry it out of his grip. “What did you guys say?” 

  You’re met with mostly silence and their grins at each other and just like that you’re right back where you started the night. Them, teasing you…and you loving it. 

  Will’s hand slowly creeps up your thigh,bunching the fabric of your skirt in his hand as he leans in close. “Now where were we sweetheart?”

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

Taglist - @luciferiorbxtch @alwaysdjarin @meveispunk @casa-boiardi @evyiione

@littlenosoul @the-fox-den @saturn-rings-writes @romanarose @wandasbitch22

@spngingerbread21 @spookyxsam @summer-may @imonmykneessir @avastrasposts

@fishingforpike @laaundromat @tanzthompson @living-in-a-daydream-24 @savvysav27

@csarab615 @scarletthefierce @paleidiot @comfortlessjoy @trinkets01

@awkwardalie @missladym1981 @soft-persephone @itspdameronthings

[princessdimondheart]

Hot Tamales | Ghost x Canis! OC + TF-141 + Los Vaqueros

Pairing: Ghost x f! OC

Warnings: language, the bois simp for food

Edited: No

A/N: A little post for Hispanic Heritage Month, a day after it ‘ended,’ but it’s always Hispanic Heritage Month for me lol. My mom and I made tamales a few weeks back and that kinda inspired this. I know it’s not what you’re expecting that I update but I wanted to get this posted even though it’s late. This could be considered part of the It’s The Dog series but as a separate one shot. Canis is Mexican but it can be read as any Latina Reader.

Masterlist 

Character banner ©️ Me

🫔.

For the last day or so, Johnny not Ghost could find Canis and both were beginning to get a bit worried. So, Johnny asked around the base they were on if anyone had seen her. No luck until one of Alejandro’s Corporals said that she had been in the mess’ kitchen. Quickly sending a text to Ghost, Johnny made his way to the mess hall. 

An incredible aroma came from the large room the closer down the hall he went. Ghost was already standing at the doors waiting for him. 

“Ah, that smells so good L.t.” He grinned at the taller man. 

“Very good.” Ghost replied, shockingly in approval. 

Johnny was just about to push the doors open when a loud bang sounded from down the hall. It was Alejandro and Rudy. 

“Te dije, Rudy! The smell is coming from here!” The Colonel shouted. “Mmm… tengo hambre.”

“You were right, Ale. But who’s making them?” The two men jogged to where Soap and Ghost were standing. 

“You know what’s goin’ on, Alejandro?” Johnny questioned. “It smells really good! What is it?”

“No idea, amigo! Those are tamales!” He shook Johnny’s shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’ve never tried tamales before?”

Johnny shook his head and when Alejandro looked at Ghost, he also denied ever having them. Both Mexicans shook their heads. 

“Oh, you’re missing out!” Rudy looked at them with pity. 

“It’s only one of the finest dishes Mexican cuisine has to offer.” Ale added. “You’re in for a treat!”

They finally head in and see that a decent sized crowd had formed around the kitchen doorway. Many of them were practically drooling at the delicious smell. They made their way through the crowd and inside they saw Canis. 

Rudy called out to her first, “Canis! You’re the one making tamales?”

She turned around at his voice. “Rudy, sí. I’ve been prepping since yesterday and now the tamales are steaming. I think they’ll be ready in about ten minutes. Think you boys can wait?”

Canis was wearing an apron that had the Los Vaqueros logo on the front. Earlier that day, she decided she would make one with the 141’s logo on it. It was stained with mole, pork, and masa. There was a very large pot behind her on the stove filled to the brim with tamales. The food station was relatively clean after the mess she had made the previous day and that morning. She’d taken the time to put everything away and clean up. Although, there were still some corn husks left on the table. 

“Of course we can wait, lass!” Johnny called out from behind Ghost. Whose body took up much of the doorway. 

Then the group had the others waiting around go to sit at the tables while they waited for the tamales to finish cooking. When the ten minutes were up, the mess staff helped Canis distribute the tamales to the voraciously hungry soldiers and staff. They thought that the tamales would be gone by then but out came Canis with a large warming platter filled with tamales. 

“I saved a bunch for you guys, and there’s more in the freezer to be steamed later on.” Canis smiled at them, placing the platter of tamales onto the table. She gestured to the food. “Go ahead.”

Alejandro and Rudy were quick to place a hot tamale on their plates. They were not as careful to spread apart the corn husks and dug into the steaming meal. 

“Ah-Ah!” The two sucked in air to their mouths to cool off their burning tongues. 

Canis shook her head at the two traviesos. “Con cuidado! You’ll burn your tongues.”

“It tastes better when they’re hot and fresh.” Alejandro panted, still cooling his mouth. Canis rolled her eyes at him. 

On the other hand, the Brit and the Scot were going at their food at a much slower pace. They seemed to be enjoying themselves. 

“This is good, Canis.” Ghost looked at her. 

“Thank you, Ghost.” She smiled and her cheeks burned. Alejandro cleared his throat. 

“If a woman makes you tamales, she’s probably in love with you.” Alejandro smirked at her. The other men whipped their heads to look at her with wide eyes. Ghost squinted at her, an unfamiliar emotion in his dark eyes. Canis’ brow rose in question. “Who on the team have you fallen for, amiga?” 

“No one, Alejandro. I just wanted to make some tamales for everyone.” She side-eyed him. “It’s my Abuelita’s recipe. I was feeling a bit homesick so I made these to help cheer me up.”

Ghost hummed while Rudy and Johnny nodded their heads. 

“They’re the best thing I’ve ever eaten, and I’ve eaten lots of things, lass.” Johnny complimented. 

Canis chuckled. “I’m glad you guys are enjoying it.” She fiddled with her fingers. “I was worried that I’d mess it up or something. I even messaged my Abuelita about a few things.”

“Nothing to worry about Canis! They’re the most delicious tamales I’ve ever had.” Alejandro went to go back to eating but jolted upright. “Don’t tell my mama I said that!”

Canis and Rudy burst out laughing. Johnny grinned at them and Ghost ignored them. He basically inhaled the whole tamale in three bites, and was glancing at the plate of tamales. 

Canis noticed. 

“Who wants seconds?”

~~~~~

Bonus:

“They remind me of my grandmother’s tamales.” Rudy teared up. “I miss her.”

“Ayy, don’t cry Rudy.” She pat his back. “Here, have another tamale.” 

Canis placed another wrapped tamale on his plate before turning back to the stove to finish cleaning up. She didn’t see the glint in his eyes nor the smirk on his lips, but Alejandro did. 

“Rudy, you cabrón! That’s your fourth one!”

Masterlist

🔖 Taglist:

@missroro @wobblywolf @animarix @islanderr @sae1kie @abbiesxox @frazie99 @undercover-smutlover

[justalilguyoops]

have no idea if this has alr been asked but have you thought about doing a vampire cattonquick fic??? could be interesting with felix or oliver being a vampire, thought something about obsessive felix being a vampire sounds so silly

omg, has not be asked and,,, definitely an idea I've thrown around a bit! Nothing super developed, but a few thoughts I've had:

a Buffy-esque story HAHA where felix is basically the slayer and Oliver is maybeeeee a big bad?

Oliver is a vampire who has like a sensitivity to human blood and has only been able to have like animal blood, but then he gets a single taste of Felix's blood and suddenly, it's all he can consume! felix uses this to his advantage and basically makes oliver his lil vampire pet :)

Oliver is a vampire and it's something felix learns about, but oliver denies ever drinking Felix's blood (but will drink just about anyone else). Obvi felix gets jealous and is like "pwease dwink me 🥺"

also maybe something like felix being a vampire and oliver being his thrall? or the other way around. just imagining oliver doing all of felix's dirty work and finding him prey, but desperately wanting to be said prey

finally, felix gets turned into a vampire and it's sorta oliver's fault (they walk back to the dorms after a night out and oliver leaves him behind on the walk or somethin) so basically it's a romcom of felix learning how to do all the things a vampire is supposed to do (but is really bad at it) and oliver has to help him (aka give his blood which...he TOTALLY isn't doing willingly....TOTALLY not...hahahaha....)

imagining the first time felix has to kill someone/drink someone other than oliver and it just goes,,,, terribly wrong he like passes tf out from stress and oliver is just left with this like....corpse, mans like 🧍‍♂️

but these are all very basic thoughts, haven't delved too much into any of these brain worm paths!! not sure if it'll ever happen given that LAWS still has....a lot to go....and I'll probs have to take a long break after hahahaha but!!!! all of these are def possibilities for one-shots/short series (i say that....but both WIPIP and LAWS were supposed to be short series....)

thank you for the fun ask!!!! <333

[romanarose]

Boys of Summer

Francisco "Catfish" Morales X Benjamin "Benny" Miller

11k words (a monstrosity)

All fanfic masterlist : Triple Frontier masterlist

Summary: Over a series of summers, Benny and Frankie meet, and realize they aren't who they thought they were. For the better part of 20 years, they grapple with their sexuality, and a myriad of factors that get in the way of them being together.

Warnings: LOOOOOTS of internalized homophobia, mentions of gay bashing, homophobia, Tom is a piece of shit, yeah I can call what he does a hate crime. Internalized biphobia, Frankie doesn't realize bisexuality is an option, worry that Frankie would "turn" Benny gay. chunks of this takes place in the early 2000's, and they don't really have words or education for what they are going through. Some minor smut, handjob, humping, semi public ig? their far enough away. angst angst angst.

A/N: Pedro Pascal is like 12 years older than Garrett Hedlund, but for the sack of this fic, it starts with Benny at 19 and Frankie at 21.

This is my 3rd TF fic titled after a Don Henly song. First End of the Innocence, then Leather and Lace, now this.

********************

Summer 2003

I can see you

Your brown skin shinin' in the sun

I see you walking real slow and you're smilin' at everyone

Benjamin Miller leaned against his piece of shit pick up truck, smoking and waiting to catch sight of his older brother and the guys he was bringing home on leave. Two years ago, Will joined the army straight out of high school, desperate for a reason to get off the farm and away from their dad, leaving Ben to deal with it alone. Things weren’t as bad as they used to be; after Benny began his growth spurt, much later than most boys his age, Benny had shot up, and he suspected their dad didn’t want to risk the fact Benny could probably beat his ass in return now. Ben always thought he’d leave as soon as he could. Maybe not the military, he wasn't one to follow orders, but maybe he’d run off somewhere, go to a big city where no one knew him or the Miller family name. Maybe he’d pick a new name, pick a new self, he wouldn’t have to be a Miller, from a family of alcoholics and meth addicts, he wouldn’t have to be Benny, the scrawny, lanky teenager he couldn’t seem to grow out of even though he’d put on muscle the last few years. He certainly wouldn’t have to be ‘Will’s brother’ the insanely gawky kid who was only saved from most of the bullying by being under Will’s protection.

 People liked Will, and for good reason. He was handsome, played football, and still got great grades. He was easy to get along with for both girls and guys, and responsible. Sure, he’d go to the parties out in the corn fields, but he’d collect car keys and only hand them off to the dd’s. Girls like having him around because they could trust him, and he kept an eye on everyone's drinks and who went home with who. Will didn’t care if you’re his teammate, if a girl was sleeping off a few drinks, no one's going in that room, and the only people taking her home are her friends. Will wasn’t quick to fight the way Ben was, he managed to push down all the horrible things that had been inflicted on them, channel it into being productive, and now he was in the army, rising quickly through the ranks and making friends easily.

 He’d heard these guys' names tossed around on phone calls here and there, but he didn’t know anything about them, really. In truth, Ben was less than thrilled that he was bringing them home. Granted, their was some unresolved feelings of abandonment that had already been festering for years, and it didn’t help that Will was bringing back two guys he’d never met before to take up more of his brothers time, as if they didn’t see him enough? But ma told him those guys didn’t have family, and it wasn’t right to leave them alone over 4th of July when they were 'serving our country'. That wasn’t really the issue. The issue, deep down, was that these three had something going for them, something happening, somewhere to be. Ben didn’t. It was the first week of July, Ben had graduated nearly 2 months ago, and he had no plans, no goals, nothing to do besides work on the farm through harvest. Technically, he could work on the farm the rest of his life, but he didn’t want that. He needed direction, and was looking for guidance. They were just a reminder he hadn’t found it yet. 

“Get that shit out of your mouth, Benny boy!” Will's voice bellowed over the crowd, jovial but serious. He hated smoking.

Ben looked up from where he was kicking rocks with his boots, and saw his brother approaching him. Before it could be stopped, Will took him in, rubbing his knuckle on Benny’s head.

“Ah shit! You’re almost too tall for a noogie!” 

Despite Ben finally growing, he still was an inch shorter than Will, and was ever-wishing he had grown a few more, but at 19, he realized this was probably it.

“Hey man” Ben tried to hide his excitement in a blase tone, but his face struggled to keep back the grin, excited to see Will after his 9 month stint in Poland. 

“These are the guys”

Benny’s eyes fell on Santi first. He was shorter, handsome, his hair was shaved, strong jaw and dark eyes. Santi smiled enthusiastically lip curling with his smile as he shook his hand, saying it was nice to meet Benny after all this time. He seemed nice.

But then Benny saw Frankie, and he felt like everything shifted for him. Benny never considered himself gay, as much as people in middle school and early high school called him all the slurs in the book, Benny never considered himself much of anything, really. He had lots of friends, many of whom were girls, but Benny never dated them, except for Savannah in 7th grade but that was just because she asked him and what was he supposed to do? Say no? Well probably, but that little ‘romance’ fizzled out within a few weeks. Since then, Benny hadn’t felt much attraction to anyone. When other men were gawking over Jessica Alba or Gwen Stefani, Benny simply didn’t look at anyone, wondering for a long time if something was wrong with him.

Then there was Frankie. In his early youth, Francisco Morales was a bit on the gawky side of things as well. Big nose, big ears, a face that was still settling in and an awkward army haircut, but at first sight, Benny didn’t notice any of the features that he later found so handsome, he just noticed his eyes, and that’s all he needed. For the first time in his life, he felt seen, understood. Frankie’s eyes were pretty brown, large and not unlike a puppy dog, but had a sadness to him, a depth Benny couldn’t help but be drawn to.

“Hey, I’m Frankie.” The shy man stood until Santi elbowed him, only then did he extend his hand to Benny. “Benny” He wondered if Frankie could tell the way his hand was shaking, was it as hot and clammy as he felt? His grip was strong, not aggressive but reassuring, secure. 

The Will insisted on driving, saying it was his truck, although Benny had inherited it when Will left, and the piece of shit sure as hell wasn’t going to make it to their west coast base, and a Benny sat in the back of the truck with Frankie, he felt hyper aware of everything he did, everything he said. He tried his best to act normal that day, as introductions were made, as their ma smothered her favorite child, and their dad pretended like that scar on Will’s arm didn’t come from him. They were a perfectly normal, happy family. As predicted, Benny didn’t get to see much of Will that day. Will had better things to do, better things than his annoying younger brother, he had army buddies to introduce to all his loser high school friends who were back in town for the summer.

Frankie wasn’t entirely sure what was going on with him. His usual social anxiety had been buzzing non-stop, but after meeting Will’s younger brother, it was ten fold. The boy was striking. Long, shaggy blonde hair pulled back in a backwards baseball cap, in a way that whenever he took it off to run his fingers through, Frankie found himself starring. He wanted to feel it in his own fingers. All week, he found himself waiting for glimpses of him, at breakfast when Benny walked by, grabbing a piece of french toast and saying hi before hoping in the jeep of a friend, or when Frankie, Santiago and Will ran into him at the gas station buying beer even though he absolutely was not old enough, but the cashier was a friend. Everyone was his friend, it seemed. Will had described him as such. Social, loud, fun, the kind of guy you want at your party to keep it going, but who you really know nothing about. Benny knew everyone, but no one knew him. Frankie knew what their dad did, how he beat them, and the more glimpses he got of Benjamin Miller, the angrier it made him. He already hated the man for doing that to Will, his friend, but something about Benny made Frankie want to protect him at an animalistic level. He was so cheerful, so polite to everyone, so genuine. Will didn’t spend a lot of time at the farm, for obvious reasons, but when Benny was around, he made more than polite conversations, he actually listened.

Frankie had operated under the assumption he was straight most of his life. He had sex with plenty of girls, so that was it, right? You like girls or you like guys. There wasn’t a secret third option… was there? No. He wasn’t going there. He wouldn’t allow himself to think it, and he would simply ignore every heart palpitation and the way his eyes followed everywhere Benny went.

It had been a few days at this point, several days of Benny attempting to not make it too obvious he was staring at Frankie’s strong jawline and alkaline nose every fucking chance he could. A bit of stumble had grown on him and Santi, Will preferring to keep clean shaven, but the other two enjoyed not having to shave for a few days. It was fourth of July, and as midnight approached, Benny sat on the porch smoking a cigarette and drinking his dads beer when Will’s- his truck pulled up, the sputtering engine coming to such a stop Benny wondered how many more starts it had left, and to his surprise, only Frankie stepped out.

“Hey” Benny called out as to not startle the boy as he sat in the darkness, not wanting to attract mosquitoes.

“Oh, hey man” Frankie nodded, his baseball cap tilting in the moonlight.

“Where are the others?” 

Frankie slowly stepped up the stairs, a nervous energy buzzing around him. “They're all still going. Party got a little crowded for me, so they said they’d catch a ride over.”

That sounded like Will. Benny was certain Will had picked up on Frankies stress and given him an easy out. 

“Well, there’s plenty of beer in the cooler if you want some” Benny kicked the red cooler to the side of him, and nodded his head over to the otherside of the porch swing he was on.

Frankie seemed to be considering, but eventually he took Benny up on his offer, settling uncomfortably down on the seat, as far away from Benny as he could get.

“Relax, man, I don’t bite” Unless you- no no no, not doing that

With a small smile, Frankie relaxed and moved just a bit closer, and attempted to open the tab of the shitty beer.

“Here.” Benny took the beer from Frankie’s hand, noticing the man’s chewed down nails, and opened it for him.

“Thanks” He mumbled before taking a drink. “It’s nice out here”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. It’s my quiet place, away from-” He gestured indoors “All that”

“Your mom seems nice”

Benny didn’t miss how Frankie didn’t say anything about his dad. Will must’ve told them. 

“Yeah. She is. She deserved better.” Then Benny waited a minute for a reply.

It was barely a whisper. “You do too.” There was silence for a while, and Frankie worried he crossed a line. He barely knew him… but he felt like he did. Benny lightened up his mood whenever he entered the room, he planned the days around trying to see him again… 

“Thanks, man” Benny spoke softly, with a smile.

A quick change in conversion was one of Frankie’s best skills. “So, fourth of July, no parties for you to go to?”

Benny’s laugh was loud and joyful. “No, I was definitely at one. May or may not have gotten in a fight”

That caught Francisco’s attention. “You?” He couldn’t imagine that ray of sunshine getting in a fight.

“Yeah” Another laugh. Benny obviously wasn’t taking it too seriously. “I don’t even remember what it was about, but I lost, so I had to leave.” Benny then reached back to switch on the porch light, illuminating the graphic bruise forming on his eye. 

“Jesus Ben!” “Relax man” Ben grinned. “This is far from- what are you-” His words died there.

Frankie took off his shirt, and whatever else he was doing or saying was completely lost on the younger man, he was too busy shamelessly staring. He was lean, petite hips, but the definition of muscle was prominent. Not ripped, but toned in a way you naturally build in the military. Frankie’s shoulders, even in their youth, were broad, and Benny couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way his shoulders moved as his arms worked their way out of the shirt.

Unsure what took over him, that instinct to protect took over Frankie. He took off his shirt, scooping ice from the cooler and wrapped it up in the shawty material before walking over to the other side of the boy. It wasn’t lost on Frankie that Benny was staring. “Scoot over” he demanded.

Looking up at Frankie with adoring blue eyes, he did as he was told.

Frankie sat down next to him, carefully laying the make-shift ice pack over his swelling eye. “Stay still”

“Yes drill sergeant” Benny teased, ever playful. 

Frankie looked over at him with a rare smile as fireworks a few farms over went off. “Beautiful” Frankie said, staring at Benny’s eyes, but nodding to the fireworks.

Benny made no attempts to hide. “Yeah. Beautiful.”

Summer, 2004

I thought I knew what love was

What did I know?

Those days are gone forever

I should just let them go but

Benny had been waiting for this since May. Will and the guys had visited, and it was Frankie who suggested Benny come out and visit them in August. By the time it had rolled around, it had began to cool off a bit up north, the last week of august offering great hunter weather. Frankie and Santi had moved high enough in the ranks that they could move out of the barracks, opting to still share a bedroom apartment to save money, but get away from the people that caused Frankie so much stress. Will preferred to stay on base. Frankie had said Benny could stay with them, and Santi agreed. Benny was hesitant, but when Will practically begged, said he had someone he wanted Ben to meet, and how could he say no to his brother wanting to spend time with him?

And how could he say no to spending the week in Frankie’s home?

Frankie had spoken to Ben a few times in the last year, Frankie somehow always finding out when Will was making phone calls and having some random question to ask just to hear his voice for a few minutes. That week in May was spent with Benny and tagging along with more and more of Will’s antics with his friends, starting with Frankie inviting Benny along drinking once, and ending with Will banging on Benny’s door at 4 AM, telling him if he wants to go fishing with them he’d better fucking hurry. Frankie was a natural peacekeeper, bridging the gap that had formed between Benny and Will in their adolescent. Will always protected Ben, was always there for him in emergencies, but he viewed Benny as a little brother, a child, even as Benny hit another growth spurt, pulling him up another two inches and making him taller than Will. When Benny picked up the guys that May, Frankie found himself flushed and flustered at the boys new height, admiring how much he seemed to have come into his own. By the time August rolled around and Benny came out east, the awkward 19 year old had given way to a strong, tall, man. His hair was longer, to his shoulders, shaggy, and with the white t-shirt and jeans made him look like Kurt Cobain, someone Frankie only recently realized his damn near obsession with the singer had to do with a crush he was sporting, something that it was becoming harder to ignore had transferred to his friend's younger brother.

“Hey man” Benny greeted Frankie with a pat on the back, and Frankie could swear his fingers lingered on his spine. Was Benny gay? Will never said anything about Benny dating one way or another, and it wasn’t exactly like Frankie could just ask, and Frankie wasn’t entirely sure himself. He’d hooked up with plenty of girls in the year he met Ben, it wasn’t like he had turned gay… is that how it worked? Are you straight one day and then one day you meet a golden god of a man suddenly you’re gay? If that was it, Frankie wasn’t gay, he could still get hard for women… so why did he want to feel Ben’s skin, why did he want to hold Ben when he was frustrated, smooth out that furrowed brow or kiss his pouting lips, yank that hat off his head and run his fingers through that raggedy blonde hair and give it a pull…

Benny absolutely purposefully trailed his hands down Francisco’s back. He wasn’t sure what entirely was going on between them, but he was sure he wanted to feel more of his warmth. The day he saw Frankie at the airport last year, he was certain everything changed, like something woke up that had been waiting, waiting, waiting… Now he could recognize it, he recognized why he never dated; he didn’t want women, he barely knew if he wanted men, but what he did know was he wanted Frankie… Ben found Frankie in the center of his fantasies, who he thought of when he took those long showers or when he was lonely and cold in bed, wishing Frankie’s arms were wrapped around him, holding him as his dad screamed about something or another in the kitchen. He still felt like a scared child in his dad's presence.

Benny longed for the sense of comfort, the bit of direction Frankie provided in his limited presence, the way, when Benny was on the phone with Will, he could hear Frankie in the background say ‘Oh hey, can I talk to Ben real quick? Something’s fucky with my truck’. The way, after Benny answered some stupid question Will could’ve answered himself, Frankie always asked how Ben was doing. Sometimes Ben said fine, and you? With the desperate hope that Frankie would give him insight, some small sliver of his life to understand him better. Sometimes, if things were bad, Benny might casually bring it up ‘Oh, just fine, just kinda wishin’ I’d went to college like my friends, you know?’ And Frankie would always offer some words of encouragement, something quick and simple that didn’t sound strange from Will’s end, but always made Benny feel better, just to know that Frankie thought Benny was doing ‘Just fine’

The ‘someone’ Will wanted Benny to meet, it turned out, was a man named Tom Davis. Tom was several years older than Will, and was a rising star in the military world. Benny was apprehensive. Tom bought Benny and Will dinner, and asked Ben a lot of questions on his interests in skills, suspiciously interested. Ben learned a long time ago that people who care this much want something from you. Or they're Frankie. Only Frankie asked him this many questions, and actually paid attention to the answers. After diner, Tom offered to give Benny a tour of the base, and although Benny didn’t really care, the guy had bought him dinner, and grandma Miller raised him with manners, so he agreed. He just wanted this over so he can get back to the apartment and spend time with his brother and the two men he had come to see as companions of his own, Frankie and Santi. 

A few days later, all three of the guys had requested the day off for a hunting trip with Ben, just a few hour drive into the Washington forest in Frankie’s pick up. As everyone unloaded their equipment, Benny slide up to Frankie, his arms firm against his, and he could swear he saw Frankie blush. “Truck made it out here fine.” He commented cooly.

“Uh, yeah. She’s a good truck.” He replied, not able to meet Benny’s eyes when the kid was this fucking close and christ, did he know what he was doing?

With his best attempt at a playful tone, his voice dropping low as he grew closer to avoid anyone hearing. “Damn that’s crazy though, considering the amount of times you told me she wasn’t running.”

Frankie’s large brown eyes flicked over to Benny’s blue ones, and he froze. Was Benny flirting? Was Frankie going to flirt back? What would he say? He felt the words stuck inside him, until Will came around the corner. “You two go north, I’m going east with Santi, we’ll meet up at the ridge around noon and recovine, sound good?”

Benny spoke, knowing Frankie was likely too flustered. “Sounds good.” When Will walked away, Benny followed after, leaning over to Frankie as he did “Just you and me, Frank”

Christ, Frankie thought, that kid would be the death of him.

As the pair progressed shooting small game, Benny teasing Frankie on his lousy aim, Benny had lost his flirty edge, and Frankie was thankful. Maybe Ben picked up on his anxiety and took a step back. It wasn’t that Frankie didn’t like Benny… flirting? Is that what it was? It wasn’t that he didn’t like it, it was that he was nervous, terrified, honestly. Neither had put a name to whatever the hell it was, Frankie never even called Benny on his own, as much as he would want to this last year. Frankie didn’t want to push anything. It felt fragile, it felt delicate, it felt sacred, something that was just him and Ben, putting a label or talking about it… that would bring the real world in. So Frankie settled for small moments and side glances, for little bits of ‘that’s great man!’ when Frankie had news to share. It was what it was, but Franke wondered how long they could go like this. 

“What did Tom want with you?” He asked Ben as they knelt behind a log.

Behind his shooting glasses, Frankie could still tell he rolled his eyes by the way his eyebrows raised. “Tryna recruit me. Will’s been dropping hints about it, I figured this was coming.”

“Don’t” Frankie spoke quicker than he thought possible, causing Benny to turn. “Why? Will said Tom’s high up, he can get me stationed out here with you guys after basic and AIT”

The thought of Benny on the same base as him, seeing him whenever he wanted… Frankie wasn’t sure if it was good or not. Could he keep his hands off him if he was around all the time? Certainly not if Ben kept this up. If anything happened, and that was a lot of assuming anything was happening now, Benny and him would lose their careers. The army operated under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, which was a fancy way of saying ‘you can be gay but not really’. This hadn’t been a problem for Frankie, seeing as he wasn’t gay, isn’t gay, he reminded himself. Whatever was going on with Benny was just… friendship, right? It was because they understood each other, it was just bonding, brotherhood, jesus, not everything had to be gay, guys can still be friends.

The fact he wanted to kiss that stupid smirk off Benny’s face most days was an aside.

And it was wrong, wasn’t it? Frankie had been raised catholic, and Benny was raised Southern Baptist… Frankie wasn’t sure how much Benny still practiced, but he knew he went to church… could he really be the one corrupting him? Maybe Benny just needed to meet the right girl. How could he take away Ben’s chance at a happy, normal life? He deserved that. He deserved everything, everything Frankie couldn’t give him.

He hadn’t realized how long he had been thinking.

“If you don’t want me around, you can just say it” Ben joked, but there was a hint of hurt there, the way it often was when Benny tried to joke his way out of situations.

“That’s not it.” He tried to reassure him, but his creased eyebrow told Frank it wasn’t enough.

“You don’t think I’d be good at it?” Another half-joke. “I know I don’t follow orders the best-”

“No, I think you’d be great at it.” Benny paused, letting the rabbit he was aiming at hop away. “Then what is it?”

“You’re too good for the Army” 

Despite Frankie’s sincerity, Ben scoffed. “Yeah okay”

“I mean it” Frankie caught Ben's eye, speaking with an intensity. “You’re a good kid, the army will break you down, take apart everything that you are, make you one of those assholes that walk around base like they're top shit. They’ll make you see things, do things you can never undo, and you’ll never be the same. I can’t stand to watch that shine in your eyes fade, Benny.”

For once, Benny had no smartass comment to make, simply taking the time to look at Frankie’s eyes, and allow the compliment to sink in. He thought he was good. “Thanks, Francisco.”

For a moment, they stayed like that, a lingering tension while Frankie waited for Ben to make a move, while he yelled at himself to do it. He could figure out the rest latter, he could figure out what he was later… right now, he just wanted Ben… but he turned away, and they went back to their sights.

“Frank, look…” Ben whispered, nudging his camo shirt and pointing into the woods. “A coyote. You want the shot?” Benny offered.

“I’d never make it” For being in the Army, his aim was shit. 

“I’ll help you” Ben offered, scooting closer to Frankie, and fuck, he was wrapping his arms around him…

Ben’s stubbled face pressed close to Frankie’s clean shaven on, helping him aim. “It’s okay, Ben, you take it. You’re a better shot than me.”

“That’s why I’m helping you, dumbass.” Benny angled the gun. “Santi will be so fucking happy proud of you.”

Frankie tried to take steadily breaths, tried to focus on something other than Benny’s sweat and warmth and smell…

“Do you want me to stop?” Ben’s voice was low again, he knew damn well what he was doing, and he was giving Frankie an out.

Frankie considered it. He considered saying yes, and never dealing with the things he felt again… “No.”

Soft and sweet, Benny breathed against him. “You’re shaking.”

“Yeah, I am. But don’t stop.”

Summer 2009

I never will forget those nights

I wonder if it was a dream

Remember how you made me crazy?

Remember how I made you scream

It wasn’t for a few years that Benny realized why Will had Ben meet Tom rather than give him the pitch himself. Benny had been groomed from that day forward to join Tom’s team he was assembling. A year after Benny joined, Will, Santi and Frankie joined his handpicked special ops team, Delta Squadron, quickly taking them away from Benjamin despite the suggestion Benny would be near the others. For a few years, Benny had an incredibly unstable military life. While others were trained with people, growing bonds, Benny was shuffled from one place to another, learning special skill after special skill. That was why he was recruited. Benny tested off the charts in the ASVAB, his physical ability in its prime, agile, fast, and strong, and his skill with the gun as well as mechanics putting him way past the others, confirming what Will always suspected, but their small-town school unable to accommodate for. 

Benjamin Miller was a one in a million talent.

By 25, Benny was a highly trained special agent, surpassing them in nearly all aspects, and was brought onto Tom’s team. No one even dared suggest nepotism from being Will’s brother, the kid was incredible. 

The shuffling around had been intensional, they didn’t want him forming bonds outside of the ones Tom knew he already had, and certainly didn’t want him falling in love with some girl. This meant that when Tom called him and offered him a spot, Benny didn’t really have much of a choice. There was nothing for him at the base he had been for two months, but Special Ops had his brother, Santiago… and Frankie… years later, he’d grow to resent that, the way Tom manipulated his career in a way not even Will had any idea of. Will simply wanted to make a good connection for his brother with someone he knew could help Benny rise to his potential. What resulted was a high skilled, borderline genius 25-year-old with no contact with family or his hometown, no other friends, nothing else that mattered other than his team, certainly not himself. Benny was lonely, so his devotion to the four of them was intense.

Tom had done this in some respects to the others, pushing the older three together during bootcamp and conveniently making sure they were stationed together after their individual training, working the strings to make sure they were specialized the way he wanted. Benny had come along slightly later, after he heard Will glowing about his talented brother who was ‘wasting his life in some shithole middle Florida hillbilly town’. Everything was exactly as Tom planned, creating a team by Frankenstiening people in a working machine.

And man, did they work.

There was absolutely nothing their team couldn’t accomplish. After many, many hours with Santi, Pope, as he was known now, Frankie, or ‘Catfish’, was a top shot, able to take down targets from far off highs. His best skill, however, was his ability to fly anything. Benny was constantly in awe of him, the way he just jump into any chopper or plane and go, the man was incredible. Benny watched him in fascination, but it wasn’t just Cat, it was all of them. Benny loved them all indescribably, a family he never really had. He always had Will, his big brother watching out for him, protecting him, now he has three more. Tom had become a father figure to Benny, hell, to all of them, someone who brought them all together, albeit under manipulation that wouldn’t become clear for decades, but by that time… it was all there, the love, the brotherhood, it was too late to do anything about it.

Not only did Ben have Tom, a strong father figure to lead them, but he felt cared for, physically and emotionally safe in a way he never did as a child, even with Will trying to shield him. Not only did he have the guys making sure he didn’t die on the battlefield as he did them, there was always someone making sure he ate, checking in on him when he was withdrawn, noticing when he was depressed in a way his mom couldn’t be bothered to. Santi was never too busy with his own problems to ask Benny what was on his mind, was never too drunk trying to drown his anger and hurt to make sure Ben got home at night; unlike his mom, who Benny pulled a blanket over when she was passed out on wine as Benny stumbled home at 4 am after walking 3 miles because he got shoved out of an ATV, with only Will waiting up for him in their room.

He had a family, he had direction, he had guidance.

Except with Frankie.

The downside of the constant moves, even within Delta, was no one really had time to find anyone, not long term. This was just as fine for Benny, never wanting to deal with the inner struggle still going on in his head. He simply refused to believe he was gay. It went against everything he had grown up in, everything he was raised in. In church, promising he’d burn in hell, his dad promising him and Will he’d fucking kill them, his schoolmates who kicked Benny in the stomach in 6th grade calling him a fairy, and telling him he told Will they’d kill him. Despite, at the time, Benny thinking Will was all but invincible, he didn’t want Will hurt, so he put up with that treatment for months until they found someone else to torment. Everything about what he knew of himself, and what he knew about being gay didn’t match. He was army, he was a farm boy, raised on church and hard work and beer and fucking hell, how did it make it sense that he'd dream of Frankie filling him up? It didn’t, so he simply ignored it. Benny was a flirt, that certainly didn’t stop, hell he flirted with Santi. If you’ve ever been around military men, you know how they are the gayest straight men you’ll meet. That’s how Benny justified it. 

So they spent one summer on Coronado Island, San Diego, occasionally shipping off somewhere but lucky enough to spend a lot of time on the beach, Santi smacking his ass, and Benny staring at Frankie shirtless and trying not to make it obvious. Santi had really come into his own the last few years. If Benny was gay, and he wasn’t, Benny wouldn’t mind being with Santi, Pope having found his way in a few sex dreams, but Frankie? It was different with Frankie. Frankie was electrifying. Every time he watched his torso rise out of the water, grown out curls wiping back droplets of seawater like a cheesy rom-com, every time Frankie tackled him back into the water, yelling insults in spainish while giggling, he couldn’t help feel like it was just them in the entire fucking ocean. The team spent hour after hour in the ocean, sometimes doing swimming drills, but a lot of BBQ’s, a lot of games, and a lot of wrestling. So much wrestling. Frankie’s firm body tangled up in his…

Frankie felt his resolve dissipating every day. It had been a relief to him, almost, when he, Santi and Will got moved somewhere else almost as soon as Benny got stationed with them, he couldn’t fucking take it, couldn’t take looking at him nearly every fucking day. In the 5 years since Benny joined, the boy had completely come into his own. Benny was strong, capable, charismatic, and fucking hot, his deep voice nearly knocking Frankie off his feet every time he spoke.

And when he sang?!?!?!?

Frankie did not know he could sing, or play guitar, but him and Santi together around the fire was fucking beautiful. “This ones for you, Fish” Benny nodded, his backwards cap doing fuck all to keep his hair out of his face and thank god they were allowed certain hair styles because Benny, as hot as he was, did not pull off the shaved head well. Only Santi seemed to look good like that. 

“Been practicin’ this for yuh” Santi explained. “Know they're your favorite”

The tell-tale chords of ‘All Apologies’ strummed from Benny’s guitar, Santi singing and Benny harmonizing. 

'What else can I say? Everyone is gay.'

Ironic.

Frankie couldn’t help but smile even harder at that, two of his best friends having practiced one of his all time favorite songs for him having him grinning already. He knew this was Benny’s idea, he couldn’t count how many times Frankie made Benny listen to this album while they cruised around in his truck over the last 6 years. Benny had become everything to him, his best friend, his life blood, the heart of the group. Benny could make them smile even the hardest days, but he knew when to shut his mouth, when to simple wrap an arms around them, when to just be there. He was the glue, a last minute addition to what Frankie was slowly realizing had been them being pushed together, but an addition they never would have functioned without. And right now, Frankie wasn’t sure he could function much longer without Benny’s lips as he watched him sing, that sweet, deep voice he wanted so badly in his ear.

They had reserved a cabin by the ocean so they could all drink to their heart's content without having to drive, and one by one they went to bed, Benny promising to take care of the fire, leaving only Ben and Frankie on the beach, beer in hand as they laid on the blanket in the sand.

“I liked the song, Ben, you have a nice voice. You should sing more.”

“Thanks, man.” Benny was thankful for the darkness covering the blush on his face.

Frankie couldn’t help it, he needed more from Ben, he needed to know where he stood, where they stood, if it was anywhere. “Bet it works wonders on the ladies”

Benny laughed at that, his loud, boisterous laugh Frankie loved so much and would do anything to hear. “Yeah, not a lot of girls coming this way.”

“I don’t believe that for a second” Frankie turned to look at Benny’s strong features, taking in every detail as he moved ever so slightly closer. 

“Yeah” He chucked. “You got me. They’re trying, but this” Ben motioned to his body. “Is on lock”

“Really?” Frankie laughed, but he wasn’t sure if Ben meant women, for men, for just now… he couldn’t be a virgin at 25… could he? “No women?”

“Yeah. On lock down like a penitentiary, I’m not a man-whore like Santi.” From Frankie’s view, Benny’s chest shook with laughter at his own joke, but Frankie was too busy looking at his ever-smiling face, still staring at the stars.

Frankie hesitated, but spoke, nervous and slow. “I was wrong, you know.”

“About what?”

“I said the army would break you, but here you are.” Frankie’s town was borderline whimsical, soft, barely a whisper above the crash of the ocean and the caw of the seagulls, practically a declaration of it’s own. “They never took you.”

At that, Benny turned to him, his face suddenly so close to Frankie’s close enough he could…

“Waddya mean?” Benny asked, his hand, flat against the blanket, inching closer to Frankies.

Frankie could hardly focus. This was his chance, tell him what he means to you, tell him that he is your fucking sunshine, how on days when you don’t know if you can get up, he’s there, and you do it for him, you’d do anything for him…

Benny was entranced. He rarely got to see Frank this close, certainly not for this song, able to soak up every detail, every line on his skin and oh god, did he soak it in. the curve of his nose, the way the bones of his face dipped and curved were locked into his memory, he was fucking perfect, he was his strength, his guidance, the north star that, no matter how cloudy things got, was always seen, and would always show Benny the way. He waited, he waited to see what Frankie would say, if it was enough to give Ben permission to make a move, to say something more, to tell him how badly he’s wanted him all these years and how Benny just wished Frankie would do something about it if he felt the same.

Finally, Frank spoke. “I told you, back on that hunting trip that the army would destroy you, make you do things you’d never come back from, you’d never be the same, you’d lose that light in your eyes, but it never left, and I don’t really think it’s going to, is it? It’s just you, you’re just sunshine... My sunshine.”

Benny’s breath hitched at that, as it always did when he was Frank’s anything. Whenever he said something as simple as  “my friend” or “my teammate” Benny felt a surge of pride, even though it made no sense he felt like Frankie was claiming him.

“Yeah? You’re sunshine?”

“Yeah” Frankie was working up the courage. Kiss him, kiss like you’ve wanted to for 6 years, everything else be damned, everything else will sort itself out.

“What I said earlier?” Benny’s pinkie touched Frankie’s, ever so slightly. “About no women?”

“Yeah?” Frankie wrapped his pinkie around Benny’s. His.

“I wasn’t joking. No women. No men.” Fuck, he said it outloud, it was practically an admittance, something deep and dark and secret he never dared speak, but it was spilling out now, his whole heart pouring to Frankie, he was ready to tell him everything.

But Frankie froze. “No men?”

Benny couldn’t read his expression. Something in the air had shifted, but their fingers were still interlocked… “Yeah… nothing. I haven't…” It was Ben’s turn to feel nervous, the anxiety that usually radiated off Frankie feeling like punches of ocean waves from his heart. “Not with anyone. Anything… with anyone. At all. Kissing ‘n such.”

The boy was a virgin. He hadn’t had his first kiss yet. All this time, Frankie had operated under the assumption that Benny had all the experience when it came to this, the way he acted, always so natural and confident, flirting with him… Frankie had plenty of experience with women, and it couldn’t be that different, could it? Before he could really stop himself, he moved in, gentle and slow. He wanted to be Benny’s first kiss, and he was pretty sure Benny wanted him to be his too. It all felt so innocent, so youthful, the clean-slate feel Frankie always got with Benny, like nothing he had done, nothing that had happened to him mattered when Ben was around. It was tentative, but the way Benny leaned into it told him all he needed to know; Benny wanted him too.

But Frankie, as usual, quickly got wrapped up in his own head. Benny was innocent. Benny was uncorrupted by the army, by anyone, he deserved more. Frankie couldn’t give him a family, they couldn’t get married, they’d lose their careers and could lose everyone they loved, what did the guys think? They never talked about things like this, he didn’t know where they stood, really… Frankie could risk it all for Benny, but Benny… as Frankie pulled away, he looked at Ben, youthful and pure, his surprised blue eyes intense and waiting, waiting on him… He couldn’t let Ben risk everything for him. He wasn’t worth it. Ben still had a chance. He just needs to meet a nice girl, and he’ll be fine. He couldn’t do anything to Ben that couldn’t be undone, he had already taken his first kiss and God, that was enough. 

As he pulled back, his pinky slowly moving away from Ben, he could tell Ben was waiting, waiting on him to say something, do something…

“Benny-”

“What’s going on here?” Tom’s voice was over them, and neither Benny nor Frankie had any idea how much he saw…

The urge to protect Benny took over all else, he whispered, so, so quiet “I got this” Before sitting up. “Got the liquor spins, laying down.” He lied. They had a few drinks, but not enough to make anything spin.

Tom looked them over, arms crossed and glaring, Frankie had a sinking feeling Tom saw, and he prepped himself to take the fall. He could say he made the move, Benny didn’t do anything…

“Yeah.” Tom said. “Maybe it’s time to go to bed” 

Frankie gave a nervous laugh. “Probably a good idea” and nudged Ben to move.

Benny was uncharacteristically quiet as he walked past Tom to the room him and Frankie were sharing, anxious to talk to Frankie about what happened away from everyone else.

“Benjamin.” Tom called over his shoulder, not even looking at the much younger man as he froze in his tracks. “Stay with Will tonight. Wake up Santi, tell him I said move, no questions.”

The fact Benny didn’t argue, didn’t question or whine was a telltale that he knew he was caught, and wandered through the door of the cabin like a kicked puppy. 

Frankie wanted to hold him, to put himself between Benny and whatever words Tom would say to him in the morning, any harm that might come to him… but someone had to act like nothing happened. He tried to move past Tom’s overbearing body, but Tom fisted his hand in his shirt, throwing the shorter man up against the wall of their small cabin, his forearms pressed against Frankie’s throat.

“I don’t care what you are, I don’t care what weird shit you do, but I don’t want it going on in my team, or we’re going to have a problem” Tom emphasized his point by thrusting his arm harder, impairing some of Frankie’s breathing.

“We weren’t-”

“Bullshit!” The large man bellowed. Tom was a man to be feared, 6’4, strong and broad, with a temper that echoed underneath his ability to lead, a fear under the skin of their respect. Tom was capable of harm, they’d seen it before. They all were, but Tom… nothing came before the team, and what Frankie and Benny were doing put the whole team at risk. “I saw what happened, Catfish. That kid,” Tom let go of his hold, and gestured to the cabin “barely knows anything outside the army and that podunk town he grew up in.”

As much as Frankie was scared out of his mind, he felt defensive of Benny, and Tom’s claims of naivity. “And whose fault is that?” Frankie called out Tom’s role in manipulating Benny’s life.

This earned Frankie a fist to his jaw. It wasn’t terribly hard, Francisco knew Tom was holding back significantly. 

“How do you think Ironhead’s gonna react when he finds out his brother is a homo? You wanna be the one that puts the divide back between them? And how about Pope? You think he’s going to want to take those fishing trips with you if he finds out you wanna suck his dick”

“I don’t…” but the words died in his mouth. He didn’t want Santi like that, but Santi was his best friend, his brother, he wasn’t sure what he’d do without Santiago in his life. And what about Benny? Will had been the only constant in his life, the only protection he could count on, the only person that Benny knew, without a doubt from the day he was born, would be on his side. There was no way Frankie could get between them, he couldn’t be the one to make Ben lose a promising career.

“Don’t make me have this talk with Benny.” It was a threat, a threat to harm Ben the same way or worse he had just done to Frankie.

That was what did it, the final straw. The thought of Tom hurting Ben was enough for him. Benny wouldn’t lose his career. Benny wouldn’t lose his brother. Benny wouldn’t lose his found family. 

“Understood.” Frankie nodded, not looking at Tom as he felt his jaw swelling.

“Go.”

Humiliated and ashamed, Frankie went into the cabin, deadset and determined to keep Ben at arm's length from then on, for both of their sakes and for the sake of the team. Benny would have a normal life, he’d find the right girl and he wouldn’t have to worry about a life of sin and abuse and isolation from the people he loved. 

“Hey” Benny popped out of the shadows, worried eyes checking for Tom. “Thank for, um, that-” Benny tried to apologize, but Frankie didn’t look at him, brushing past to go to the room he’d share with Santi tonight. 

“Go to bed” He mumbled gruffly.

“Frank-” 

But he was already opening the door, and Benny didn’t want Santi to hear anything. 

Frankie slunk into his room, unsurprisingly finding Santi up, woken from his sleep in the room he had with Will. Frankie was thankful for the off lights, however, as he felt rare tears brimming at his eyes, and Santi would be able to tell immediately.

“Everything okay?” Santi asked, voice soft with sleep.

Frankie almost lied. “No.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No”

A pause, before Santi asked his final question. “Something happen with Ben?”

Frankie felt his breath hitch and his body freeze as he began to lay down. Did Santiago know? Did everyone know and the only people too stupid to see it were him and Benny? No. Santi wouldn’t want to share a room with someone like him if Santi knew what he was.

Gay. No other way about it, Frankie was gay. He liked women, and he liked men, and Frankie wasn’t even sure if that was a real thing but that’s what it was, unable to deny that fact he wanted Benny in every fucking way two people can be together.

Closing his eyes tightly and hoping the moon light that came through the curtain wouldn’t show the tears that streamed down his face, Frankie replied to Santi honestly. “Yeah. Something happened.”

Summer 2015

Out on the road today, I saw a DEADHEAD sticker on a Cadillac

A little voice inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back"

It was at get together at Will’s, Frankie and Benny had drifted into their own private corner, as they tended too, even after everything.

“So. You hear the news.” Ben started, talking quietly, out of earshot of the others loudly chattering.

“What news.��� Frankie asked, Benny’s question was pretty vague but he had an idea what this was about.

“Supreme court ruling. It’s legal everywhere in the US now.”

Frankie couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah. I things are starting to change.”

Summer 2019

Now I don't understand what happened to our love

But babe, I'm gonna get you back

I'm gonna show you what I'm made of

It was different after the kiss, Frankie was different. Benny often wondered if Frankie was mad at him, angry that Benny didn’t stand up for them, that Ben couldn’t admit to what had happened, what had been happening between them for 6 years. Should Ben have stayed? When he saw the bruise on Frankie’s jaw, he knew right away that Frankie hadn’t run into a cabinet, he knew Tom did something to him. Benny should’ve stayed, should’ve protected Frankie the way Frankie had always protected him whether as Catfish or as Francisco, the way he’d continue to for the next several years of their careers together, even if he was distant. 

Benny was furious at Tom. Not furious enough to confront him, however, that would require anger and stupidity, Tom could fold even Will. He wanted so badly to say something, to tackle Tom down and make him pay the morning he woke up, watching Santi ice Frankie’s jaw. Benny wanted to quit, or rather, not re-enlist when the time came… but the time came slowly, and as Frankie’s jaw healed, so did the tension between everyone by the end of the last mission. Trauma bonds people together, and when they all made it out safely, they were all so glad to be alive, everything else stopped mattering. That was the thing about the military. You see things, you do things, but you do them with people, a bond that goes beyond logic and reason when you watch people die together, sometimes at your own hand. Frankie was never quite the same, though. They didn’t spend long hours cruising around in his truck listening to Nirvana, and there was a clear disconnect between him and Tom. Frankie practically clung to Santi most days, and when Tom retired and things began to fall apart, Frankie only stuck around as long as Santi did.

For the next year and a half, Santi was the de-facto leader of Delta Squadron, but it was fairly obvious this was only to keep things going until everyone could leave, not wanting his friends to start a new squadron or some useless job for a few months. No one wanted to re-enlist. Will was out first, only leaving if Ben swore he’d leave when the time came. Benny promised, and he did, moving into an apartment Will leased for them to keep Ben out of their dad’s, who had gotten much worse after their mom died in 2007.

Tom started selling houses, and he sucked at it. Santi did for-hire policing and paramilitary work no one asked too many questions about, except when he came around asking if they wanted a part. Will got a job at the VA and did speeches, stuff sounding similar to the one he gave Ben back in 2004, but his main job, it seemed, was the same one it had been since they were kids; keeping Benny alive. Frankie got a legitimate piloting job, until he got addicted to coke. That didn’t stop him from having a baby with a girl he fought with all the time. That fucking killed Benny, he couldn’t stand to see their pictures, not when they looked so happy but the sparse phone calls he got when Frankie was high told him otherwise. He loved his kid, however, that much was obvious.

“Hey man, you still up?” Benny asked as he wandered outside to the deck Frankie was standing on, having a drink. 

“Hey. Yeah. Couldn’t sleep. Missing Elena.” Frankie pulled out his phone, flashing a picture of him and his daughter on the home screen. 

Benny smiled at the cute kid. “She’s beautiful, Frank”

Frankie gave a sad smile as he put his phone away. “Thanks. Not really sure what the future looks like right now, however.” A pause. “Jess broke up with me. Said if I went, it was over.”

“Frankie…” Benny turned, sympathetically. “C’mon man, you didn’t have to come. Santi would’ve found another pilot”

“Yeah” Frank scoffed. “He would’ve. That’s why I came.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Frankie chugged his beer, and went to head inside.

“No, come one Frank, what does that mean?” Benny asked again. “Don’t shut me out again, man.”

But Frankie, even though he paused, walked inside.

They had never been the same. There was a divide, a distance between them, and Benny often regretted that kiss. Not because he regretted Frankie, no, he would never want anyone else to be his first kiss. Frankie was probably the only person who didn’t laugh their ass off at him not only being a virgin at 25, but never having kissed anyone either. No, Ben regretted the way they changed after that. On his end it was perfect; simple, slow, soft… he might have done more with Frankie that night had they not been interrupted… but they were, and Benny lost his friend in a lot of ways that night.

Things had gone, to say the least, badly. Thank’s to Tom’s greed, Will was shot, and Benny nearly died falling out of the helicopter Frankie piloted and despite the fact they had hiked miles today and about fell off a mountain like that poor donkey, Frankie couldn’t sleep. He always killed Benny, he almost killed all of them. Since that night on the beach, Frankie kept his distance. They were still friends, they were still there for each other, they were still brothers… but it wasn’t the same.

“Frank. You up?” Benny whispered from where he lay.

Frankie signed. “You know damn well I’m up.”

“Can I come over?”

Frankie was laying down slightly away from the others, typical for him when he was in a mood. “Yeah.”

Quietly, with the others knocked out cold, Benny moved over to where Frankie layed. “You’re overthinking again, aren’t you”

“Of course I am.” Frankie spat. “I almost killed you.”

Benny laid down, facing Frankie but keeping distance, not wanting to push him. Benny had the experience now, spending the last few years taking trips out to Miami, exploring the scene there. Sex, he had plenty of experience with. Relationships? Well, he had all but given up on. It wasn’t that he was holding out for Frankie, he wasn’t, but no one was ever him. He never felt that connection, that free, relaxed, simple way that they were. He never met someone who’d listen to John Denver with him even though they preferred grunge, just because they knew it was something Benny loved. They never asked about Will, about his cousins, they never checked in on the anniversary of his mothers death and never reached out when an uncle died. No one had been through things with him the way Frankie had, been there as long nor as steadfast, no one was him. Never would be, he supposed. So Benny resigned himself to this, to taking what he was given, what he was allowed, what Frankie was comfortable with.

“Stop.” Benjamin spoke firmly, but quiet, as Frankie avoided his gaze. “Don’t. You didn’t almost kill me, you’re flying is the only reason we lived. And whatever happens, we all made our choice to be here, and we’re all doing the best we can.”

“Except Redfly” Frankie grumbled.

This caused Ben’s face to split into a wide, youthful grin. “Yeah, the jackass.”

Benny was always the one to call out other people’s bullshit, always. Frankie couldn’t held but smile, closing his eyes as he tried to keep in his laugh, prompting Ben to do the same thing, the pair quietly giggling together like they had in their teens.

“I missed you, Francisco.” He said, suddenly serious, shuffling slightly closer.

Frankie tensed, but made no attempt to move away. “I’ve been around”

“You know what I mean. It…” Benny’s voice was suddenly very, very quiet, checking over Frankie’s shoulder to make sure everyone, especially Tom, was asleep. “Ever since that night, you’ve been… distant.”

Frankie refused to look at him. “Why are you doing this right now.”

“We could die tomorrow, Frank!”

“Shut up!” He hissed, looking over to check they hadn’t woken anyone.

“Frankie!” Benny still was quiet, but his voice was harsh as he guided his face to him. “C’mon, man, after everything that just happened, everything that we’ve done the last 10 years, you wanna just… leave this here?”

Don’t let him in, don’t let him do it, don’t open your eyes because if you open your eye’s you’re FUCKED, you get one look at those baby blues, it’s over.

“There’s nothing here, Ben” Was he talking to Benny, or trying to convince himself.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

It was. And Frankie did know it. 

“Look at me, Francisco.”

And just like that, Frankie opened his eyes and christ, had Benny always been this close? Had his eyes always been this pretty? Of course they had, he was stunning, everything about him was amazing, and it was incredible to get to see it this close again, the way he had thought about for the last 10 years.

Tentatively, Benny reached out to touch his patchy, bearded face. “What did he do to you, Frankie?”

He wanted to close his eyes, wanted to will Benny away and go to sleep and he pretended he wasn’t in love with Benny for the last 15 years, as if Benny didn’t occupy his spare thoughts and he didn’t think of stuffing himself in Benny’s ass every other time he fisted himself.

The words came out strangled and pained, worry and anxiety that plagued him constantly swirling in his head, but he couldn’t tear himself away from his eyes, from the man’s warmth. “He said he’d hurt you, Ben” Frankie held back tears, even as he felt himself press up against Benny’s body, sharing in his warmth.

Benny held him steadfast. “Oh sweetheart… Always protecting me… that's why you came here, wasn't it? to protect us?" With his thumb, he caressed the same jaw Tom swung at all those years ago. “I should've stayed with you, I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, it only made sense for one of us to get it.”

Tracing the features of his face, Benny soaked in in, and this time, when Frankie closed his eyes, he knew it wasn’t because he was hiding from him. “That’s why you got weird, isn’t it? Because of the kiss?”

“You were young, Ben.”

“I was 25”

“No, I mean… You hadn’t kissed anyone, I thought... maybe you hadn’t met the right girl, you had so little life experience, I didn’t… I didn’t want you to lose everything because of me”

Ben nuzzled his forehead against Frankie’s, the older man’s skin giving him more warmth than the burning money had. “You were worth losing the army, Francisco.”

Shaking his head, Frankie fought against it. “Not just that, I didn’t know how Will would react, Santi, your folks… I don’t know what you believe anymore, I don’t want to be the one to corrupt you-”

“Frankie, look at me.” Two hands this time, Benny guided Frankie’s face to him, noses bumping with the closeness. “Will and Santi, I don’t think they’d care. They might be a bit confused at first but they want us to be happy. Tom is gonna have a problem but after the shit he pulled today, I ain’t plan’n on talking to him anyway. And I’m not going to hell. I believe in God, a God of love, and I can’t believe he’d be against this, because this, this is love.” It was Benny that kissed Frankie, who eagerly opened his mouth to him, the kiss all encompassing and desperate, fueled by the locked away passion of all these years. “Before you, I never… I thought something was wrong with me, nothing turned me on, I thought, well I guess the term now is asexual, but when I saw you with Will that first day, everything changed. I realized… I never even looked at men because I didn’t think it was even an option. With you, everything made sense. You were the only thing that ever made sense to me.”

Frankie wrapped his arms around Ben, bodies pressed tightly as their mouths bumped together, in and out of kisses as the confessions poured out. “I’m sorry, Benny, I just wanted to protect you, I just wanted you to be safe, that’s all I ever wanted, Ben” The relief he felt was insurmountable, to be here, to be with Benny, finally holding him, kissing him. He wanted more, he wanted so much more, he wanted Benny naked in his arms, he wanted to make Benny feel good.

“I know, baby, I know, shhh, it’s okay, Francisco.” Benny pulled him tight against him, feeling the growing erection in his pants matching his own. “Can I help you with that?”

Frankie hesitated, so Ben reassured him. “We don’t have to do anything, we got all the time in the world, but they won’t wake up, I promise. They're out cold.”

“Y-yeah” There was nothing Frankie wanted more in the entire world. Benny reached a hand to palm the bulge in Frankie’s pants, Frankie pressing soft kisses into his neck. “Sorry, I’m usually a little more in control in these situations.”

“It’s okay, you got plenty of time to show me what you got later, just let me make you feel good, after everything today, we deserve that.” Carefully unbuttoning his pants, Benny pulled his cock out. The sheer size of him was no surprise, he’d seen it in the shower and taking a piss before, but fully hard and in his hand? Fuck, Benny thought there could be nothing better.

“Fuck, fuuuuuck, Benjamin…” Frankie groaned as Benny stroked him, rutting himself against Benny’s leg. “I’m sorry, I can’t believe I waited this long to feel you.” He knew he was crying, but he couldn’t stop it.

“Hey, hey” Benny’s free hand played with Frankie’s hair. “We’re right where we need to be” 

“Thank you, Benny, thank you.” He was breathless, on the verge of spilling over so soon, but god, wouldn’t that be embarrassing? But Benny felt so good, and they waited for so long…

Benny took his own dick out, not wanting to get sticky cum inside his pants he’d have do god knows what in tomorrow.

They were cold, laying on rocks and backpacks of blood money, it was messy and hushed but it was uninhibited, and so unabashedly them, finally being able to express to each other what they meant.

“Can you come for me? Hm?” Benny asked, speeding up his movements for both himself and Frankie, who was clinging to him like a rock in the storm.

“Don’t know if I can be quiet Ben, you feel so fucking good.” Frankie was practically whimpering.

Guiding Frankie’s head to the crook of his neck, he held him close, cradling his head. “Let it out, Francisco, let it go, it’s okay”

Muffled by Benny’s warm, sweaty skin, with a choked sob, Frankie came on Benny’s hand, Ben’s own release following soon after with the sounds of Frankie’s pleasure. They laid there for a moment after covering themselves again because it was fucking cold out and staying there in each other's embrace. In the most Benjamin Miller fashion, he cleaned up with hundred-dollar bills, throwing them away into the dry brush. 

Guiding Benny to turn over so his back was to Frankie’s chest, pulled flush against him, Frankie wrapped his arms around Benny in a protective grasp, holding him close, basking in the shared warmth on the cold mountain.

“What about the others?” Benny asked him.

“Let them see. I don’t care any more, don’t wanna hide. I love you.” Frankie promised, his racing thoughts finally as ease, allowing him to get some much needed sleep. 

“Frank, promise me…” Benny’s voice trailed off as sleep pulled at him as well, safe and warm in Frankie’s strong arms.

“Anything, Carino.”

“If we live, we’ll finally figure this out, we’ll finally do something about this.”

“Think we can? After everything we’ve done, I got the baby, and who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, and-”

“Yeah,” Benny wrapped his arms around Frankies, scooting back to feel every bit of him he could. “We can figure it out, all of it. Things are different now, way different from when we were kids… we can get married, raise your daughter, have a normal, happy life, together.”

“Yeah. You and me, together. Happily every after.”

“Happily ever after.”

Whatever came in the morning, whatever Will or Santi thought, whatever bullshit Tom pulled, whatever happened or whatever they had to do, it would be okay, because he was right where he needed to be. In his arms.

I can tell you my love for you will still be strong

After the boys of summer have gone

*******************

Goddamn. Shit almost got me a few times, I'll tell you that. When Frankie was explaining to Benny why he got so distant, I almost lost it, and I had a lot of feelings writing Tom. I struggled with finding the write words, bc I 100% beleive tom is completely homophobic and would use worse slurs, but despite the fact I am a bisexual woman, I cant bring myself to type them.

For the record, no one brought it up. Tom didn't say a word to benny or frankie up through his death. Even after everything. Benny still was upset because it's Benny, and he is attached to everyone.

Santi knew Frankie and Benny had feelings for each other, so he wasn't surprised, and Will was a bit confused, but its not like he hadn't suspected it before either, but ofc he supported them.

I hope ya'll like this. If you want more Benny/Frankie, conside checking out the Awakening Series. It's mostly various group sex/ threesomes, etc but it's a continuing exploration of sexuality and romance, and a different take on how Benny and Santi find each other. Also if you're looking for more M/M Triple Frontire work, plleeaasseee go check out this series, its a fucking incredible Santi/Benny series and the writer just had inspiration for chapter 4 so maybe if ya'll show her appreciation and love for this amazing series they'll keep going!

Might be the last fic I write for a hot min. due to car problems, i need to pick up extra shifts and I got papers comign up I need to work on so you might not hear from me a whole lot, but I love you all!

taggimg my usuals, but I know its not a reader fic so if its not your thing no worry!!!!

@luciannadraven33 @welcometostayingawake @howaboutcastiel @in-between-the-cafes @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @littlenosoul @apollo-enthusiast @milkymoon2483 @kittyofalltrades @howaboutcastiel

EDIT

Part 2 here

[akstzs]

maybe I judged the hidden world too harshly <- finished the umbrella academy season 4

rant under the cut so spoilers

HOW TF DO YOU TAKE THE CHARACTER WHO IN THE PREVIOUS SEASONS WAS DEFINED BY HIS LOVE FOR HIS FAMILY AND CHARACTER ASSASSINATE HIM BY SHOEHORNING HIM INTO A ROMANCE WITH HIS BROTHERS WIFE WHO HAVE THREE KIDS TOGETHER

ALSO AFAIK THIS IS THE FIRST FRICKING SEASON WHEN WHILE FILMING FIVES ACTOR WAS OVER 18, AND BEFORE IT WAS LIKE “oh yay he can finally shoot a gun on screen” BUT NOW ITS LIKE “OH GOD WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM KISS A CHARACTER WHOS ACTRESS IS FIFTEEN YEARS OLDER THAN HIS ACTOR”

AND THEN THE REST OF THE SEASON HIS MAIN FOCUS IS HER NOT THE REST OF THE FAMILY

anyway apocalypse five should’ve shot season 4 five

AND WHERE TF WAS SLOANE. EVEN IF HER ACTRESS DIDNT WANT TO COME BACK SURELY THEY COULD WRITE HER OUT BETTER THAN JUST NOT EXPLAINING IT AT ALL. LUTHER GOES “I wish me and Sloane had a family and house and whatever” WHAT HAPPENED TO HER THEN. SHE WAS ALSO APART OF THE MARIGOLD EXTRACTION CIRCLE.

AND RAY WALKED OUT??? SEASON 2 RAYMOND CHESTNUT WOULD NEVER. LITERALLY JUST SAY HE DIED DURING THE TIME SKIP OR SOMETHING ITS BETTER THAN COMPLETELY RUINING HIM WITH JUST ONE LINE

POOR FRICKING KLAUS MAN I JUST THOUGHT THE BIKER GUY WAS GONNA SELL HIS ORGANS OR SOMETHING NOT BASICALLY MAKING HIM A PROSTITUTE

OH BOY BEN. FOR A SEASON FOCUSING ON HIM HE SURE IS MORE OF A PLOT DEVICE THAN A CHARACTER. I GET THAT HE DOESNT LIKE THE UMBRELLAS ALL TOO MUCH BUT AT TIMES HIS INSISTENCE TO STAY WITH JENNIFER FELT EXCESSIVE. SHOULDNT HE ALSO NOT WANT TO LOSE HER LIKE HE LOST THE SPARROWS SO HE WOULD FINALLY OPEN UP AND ACCEPT HELP WHEN SHE WASNT DOING WELL. I GET THAT HIS BEHAVIOR IS EXPLAINED BY THE CLEANSE TAKING OVER HIM OR WHATEVER BUT IT JUST FELT LIKE AN EXCUSE TO MAKE THE CLEANSE HAPPEN AND DOESNT FEEL LIKE BEN HAS ANY AGENCY BY THE END. AND BY THE LAST EPISODE HE AND JENNIFER JUST TURN INTO A FRICKING BLOB MONSTER SO HE DOESNT EVEN GET ANYTHING IN LIKE THE LAST 30 MINS

The ending is honestly about how I expected a series where every season the hargreeves’ actions bring about the apocalypse but it was so much worse because of all this shit that happened before it

in my head the season ended right before Ben spiked their drinks with the marigold and the siblings keep going with their newly built lives

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 9

welcome the the ninth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics. 

1. drive me to distraction by @freshia

“Don’t worry, I got all the necessities.” he says, reassuringly, as if that’s what Keith is worried about. And then: “And if you ever want to see your Fall Out Boy t-shirt again, you’ll get in the vehicle! This is a robbery.”

Where Keith is sort of kidnapped for a road-trip with Lance, and is sort of okay with it.

road trip? college au?? best friends to lovers?? pining?? endless tenderness but never saying it put loud?? sign me tf UP. the last lines will fucking kill me every time like i literally have to close my eyes and force myself to breathe deeply. theres something so endless about refusing to speak your feelings out loud but they know what you mean anyway. god.

2. The Courage of Stars by @derryhawkins

The Lions of Voltron can turn into actual lions. Who knew, right? When Allura tells them of this news, Lance is ecstatic. The only problem? Lance figures out that he somehow has one of the strongest bonds with Blue. To keep the others from feeling bad about their own progress, he keeps this information to himself.

It doesn’t take long for certain others to think he’s not taking everything seriously.

this one is more langst than team-as-family, but i still love it deeply. i like it bc it has some nuance for allura, some explanation as to why she struggles to badly to connect with the paladins in the beginning. im not sure the series was ever finished, but this work in particular was, and i loved it! the lance & blue megabond is a treat to read every time.

3. Solar Flare by @heavenlyfires

Accompanied by the scattered applause throughout the ballroom, Keith lifts a slim brown hand in his own and presses a lingering kiss to the palm.

"It’s good to see you, Lance,” he says.

His voice is raw; his face feels naked. Keith’s known for his poker face, but here, in front of Lance, he has no self control. His emotions are spilling over onto his face like tears, too strong to be constrained.

He looks into Lance’s eyes and that suddenly doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.

“Yeah,” Lance whispers, a gentle and devastating smile on his face. He reaches a hand up — soft, Keith notes — and tucks some hair behind Keith’s ear. His fingers trace a gentle path across Keith’s jaw; his eyes flick across his face but inevitably come back to meet Keith’s own, the blue in them impossibly seeming warm toned with the full fond force of Lance’s gaze.

“It’s good to see you, too,” Lance says.

Has Keith mentioned yet that he loves him?

"Solar flares occur when a buildup of magnetic energy... is suddenly released.” - Space.com

After almost two years of unbearable distance, Keith and Lance find themselves at a ball, together.

fuckin pining klance and binary star imagery, man. gets me every time. i love me some post canon green sock reality where everything is good and right and keith and lance are somehow still pining like dumbasses, but are whipped to the point of ridiculousness. absolutely love that for them. and the idea of klance as a binary star system will fuckin make me tear up every time fr bc they ARE they are a GOOD TEAM

4. Nine Blocks and To-Go Cups by @jackwillwrite

"Can I have...six things of expresso?" Lance asks.

"Shots?" Keith offers, although he dearly hopes that's not what Lance is asking.

(In which Keith isn't sure how he ended up as a barista working shifts in the god-awful hours of the morning, and Lance is a regular who somehow manages to make it bearable.)

im trying so desperately to hype this fic up and also not spoil it but let me tell u when u get the lil twist ending and the title finally makes sense u will be GAGGED. i know i was. i could not believe what i was reading i wanted to YELL. it was insane and my heart still gets all pumped when i think about it bc i was truly like NO FUCKIN WAY

5. a fissure in my vision by @ink-beneath-her-fingernails

"It appears... Well, the Ranithians were under the impression that we were all adults by Terran standards. When they realized that you four technically aren't, or at least not entirely, they decided to... test you."

"Test us."

Lance's voice is flinty; icier than any of them have ever heard him, and he wears a face to match.

It's not a question.

(Or: Sometimes, the Paladins can't account for everything that might happen. Sometimes, even allies with good intentions can lead to awful things. Sometimes, your own mind is your worst enemy.

And sometimes, being a Paladin really, really sucks.)

words cannot express how much this fic has haunted me. literally the worst possible reality without actually being the worst. yall think you’ve read a crossover before?? think again!! hunk and lance’s arcs especially knocked me fucking flat. like i was just aching for them so so badly. sometimes when i wonder what could be worse (in terms of how much it would suck for the paladins, not how it was written; this was written beautifully) than canon i remember the paladins could have suffered through this

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[val-made-a-mistake]

❝the garrison rat❞ CHP 14

THE FINAL CHAPTER

previous

summary: torn apart by an unexpected loss, you find yourself unable to leave birmingham. you’re aware that people notice you drinking in the garrison every other night, you’re aware they call you nicknames, but you don’t care about any of it— at least, not until you start speaking to john shelby. he’s looking for a wife and you vowed to never love again, which makes things a bit complicated.

warnings: smut, cocaine usage, infidelity, angst, brief mention of prostitution...if you’ve made it this far you’re probably not going to be surprised by anything in this chapter

word count: 5.6k

tag list: @datewithgianni @1950schick @clementinesjourney @cbouvier23@smailaway @cedricscoffin @buckysjuicyplums @belledawnidk @wandering-poetess @bobafett-tea​ @esposadomd​ 

a/n: holy shit, where do i even start??? it’s hard to believe that a one-shot turned fic series i only wrote as a distraction because i was mad that my movie date got cancelled got here today. thank you all for the support since september 2021, because the amount of people who have enjoyed this series and keysmashed over it and dmed me to say that they stayed up all night reading it is crazy, you guys blew me tf away. i’m kissing you all five times and doing the Hand Squeeze™ with everyone who has supported me over the past five hundred something days TGR has existed. i would gladly make plans to run away to paris with you. :)

//////

“Are you running away? Because it really looks like you’re running away.”

Your suitcase shut with a sharp SNAP. “It’s only temporary. And you keep your mouth shut about this, you hear me?”

Esme held up her hands like you were pointing a gun at her. “Okay, okay, I just really don’t think this is a good idea.”

“It’s only temporary,” you muttered to yourself, preoccupied again as you shoved another cigarette into your mouth, your fifth of the evening. You were refusing to voice your thoughts aloud: you were already thinking about finding a new place to be from. “London’s not that far away from here, is it?”

“You have no family in London, and no friends,” Esme replied. “Y/N, just stop packing the goddamn suitcase.”

You snorted as you lit your cigarette. “It’s funny how no one around here gets that there’s a whole world outside of Small Heath.”

“Yeah, and there’s a whole world of rock bottoms outside of Small Heath,” Esme shot back, flat and unconvinced. “You gravitate towards shitholes, y’know. You’re only just gonna make life worse for yourself all over again.”

“I need to get out of here,” you repeated stubbornly, exhaling a thin plume of smoke. “For just a week.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, this is going to go terribly,” Esme muttered under her breath, absently pouring a miniscule amount of the powdery white substance she had in a tiny vial onto her knuckle. “How are you not thinkin’ of the kids? Fuckin’ four of them and John still doesn’t know how to take care of them.”

You barely heard her; you were staring at the vial of cocaine.

You almost hesitated, but pointed at the table. “Bring it over here.”

Esme gave you a weird look, and there was a tense beat that made you think she wasn’t going to do it, but she pressed her knuckle to her nostril and sniffed with barely a flinch, then poured out a jagged line for you on the table behind her.

“Y/N, I…”

“It’s fine.”

You were already searching your back pockets for a bill, or some kind of thin object that could be rolled into a cylinder.

It didn’t feel good to do it, but one last time couldn’t hurt, right? You were a changed woman now, and you could control yourself - no matter how badly you wanted just another line, like you already knew you would.

Your freshly lit cigarette still burning between your two fingers, you rolled up the bill into a tight cylinder with the precision of someone who had done it hundreds of times before, leaned over the desk, and sniffed up a thin line of cocaine.

Like always, it hit you all at once, like a bolt of lightning. Oh, God.

And then everything became clear.

If there was one think you knew, it was that you were getting out of Small Heath tonight.

“Barely hit,” you muttered, looking up at Esme with dilated eyes. “Can I see the vial, please?”

//////

John was deep in the forest again, his bare feet caked in mud and moss and leaves, and he was going out of his mind with want.

“I miss you,” Martha purred like some long-lost, ethereal creature, and her cold, dainty hand glided around his shoulder. She had been circling him for the past ten minutes and yet her footsteps made no noise - she was pure magic, that woman was, and she smelled something sweet, like pound cake. Dizzy in her presence, John blinked hard as something in the depths of his mind purred happily, something primal and hidden blossoming to life, making him feel everything.

She was in her dress that she had worn to her wedding, the brilliant purple-pink wildflowers were braided into her hair like not a day had gone by, and John forgot that those flowers were actually dried and pressed into some obsolete book in the betting shop in the Parlour.

“Do you miss me?” she whispered, her cold hand on his other shoulder now, and John felt the skin there erupt into gooseflesh.

Martha sidestepped quickly, mystically as ever, and suddenly she was in front of him again. She had asked him a question, and he hadn’t answered.

Her hazel eyes glowed so brilliantly and ethereally that he was sure she made his blue Shelby eyes look hazel too, and he had to pause for a moment to take in her glittering beauty, her fair and freckled skin, her thin lips that had somehow been an insecurity of hers when she’d been alive, like they somehow hadn’t fit perfectly on her face and John hadn’t wanted to kiss them whenever he stared at them for too long.

John knew that he had opened his mouth to say something, but he wasn’t quite sure what had happened: either the words had come out as though he was underwater, a distorted, gibberish mess, or he had simply opened his mouth and not said anything at all.

He was suddenly aware of his heart pounding harder in his chest, and he tried to say, I do, I do, I do, but for some reason, the words couldn’t force their way past his lips.

“Clearly not, since you’re with that rat bitch,” Martha snarled, and it suddenly dawned on him that this wasn’t reality at all, not a lovely dream but a nightmare, and he started breathing hard until he was nearly hyperventilating, something like a panic attack settling in.

“No,” John tried to say, but his throat had closed off and he felt like he was screaming underwater. No. No. No.

This wasn’t the first time he’d felt something like this because he suffered from the soldier’s disease, but just because it was the hundredth time he’d experienced it didn’t mean it got any less terrifying. There was a whirlwind in his brain, a headrush so powerful like everything was incoherent, unreal, and he couldn’t– fucking– breathe—

“Kitchen towels!” Polly shouted from somewhere afar, scaring him awake. “For fuck’s sake, John, where are the bloody kitchen towels?”

John launched himself out of his chair and looked around: Polly wasn’t in his office, where he’d been sleeping for the past several weeks, but she was still shouting loud enough to be heard in the betting shop, so he straightened his cap and smoothed his rumpled suit like he hadn’t been asleep at all and hurried out of the door.

It’s too bloody early for this, he thought angrily.

When John got to the kitchen with the roll of kitchen towels from the betting shop, the first thing he noticed wasn’t Polly hurrying around with a broom, clearly agitated, or a cup of tea overturned everywhere on the kitchen’s pristine tile, but Esme standing in the open doorway of the Parlour, breathing hard, looking pale and panicked. He checked his watch. 6 AM. It was the middle of February; the sun hadn’t even risen yet. What the hell was going on?

He took another look at Polly, the cup of tea shattered on the floor, and Esme, his head swiveling back and forth between them like he was watching a ping-pong match. “Fucking hell, you lot, what’s the matter?”

His voice was groggy and dehydrated, but he blinked hard and tried to ignore it.

You’re awake. You’re awake. You’re awake.

“Y/N is fuckin’ missing, that’s the matter,” Polly snapped, venom seeping through her voice as she snatched the kitchen roll from his hands to clean up the mess of liquid and ceramic shards on the floor, “Esme here storms in at six o’clock in the bloody morning, tellin’ me all fuckin’ panicked that she woke up at the Lee house down the street and Y/N wasn’t there when she was spendin’ the night, and she was goin’ on about how she wanted to leave Small Heath before she fell asleep…”

A fresh round of cold, unsettling panic doused John, and seeing the darkening look on his face, Esme grimaced sympathetically at him. “A part of me thought she was joking, I tried to talk her out of it. I’m sorry, John.”

“Well, what’s done is done,” Polly snapped with the air that she was only becoming more pissed with every word Esme spoke, and straightening, she slammed the roll of towels on the counter and chucked the shards of ceramic into the garbage. “Gather Arthur and Tommy, we need to have the Blinders looking for her. The earlier we can find her, the better.”

He nodded.

“Arthur!” he bellowed down the hallway, without a care in the world for his kids or anyone else. “Get the fuck up!”

//////

Understandably, there were no trains running at three in the morning, the time you’d left a sleeping Esme at the Lee house on Watery Lane, so you simply shifted your bag higher on your shoulder and decided to find another place in Small Heath to camp out until the sunrise.

Still on your cocaine high, you refused to look at your reflection in the windows of the shopfronts you passed. You already felt disheveled and bloodshot, you didn’t need to see it.

Eventually, you settled on an alleyway some three blocks away from the station. You pressed your back against the wall and slid down it until you were sitting on the damp stretch of dirt, dead grass, and litter.

You moved your bag from your shoulder to your lap and inhaled sharply: if you were aware of your body for too long, the cocaine pain in your ribs made you feel like your entire body was on fire. You had a small bottle of vodka in your suitcase to ration, and you’d feel even better after a few burning gulps from the bottle, but you resolved not to start drinking at least until you got on the train.

The cocaine high would have to be enough for now, you decided.

You sighed as your head suddenly spun, and the hazy feeling of unreality settled deep into your chest, making your heart pound harder and harder until sweat was dampening the back of your neck. Your brain was throbbing hard, but euphoria pulsed through your entire body, and for that feeling alone, it was worth it.

God, cocaine was terrible, but simultaneously beautiful. You’d almost missed it.

Sure, you definitely hadn’t missed always feeling like you were on the verge of fainting, nor the aching and the itchiness and the cold liquid that seemed to bubble in your veins after you came down from your high, indicating that you were sober again, but whatever, it was three in the morning in a shitty corner of England, you were alone and staring up at the glinting stars in the sky, inhaling the ever-present scent of manure and cigarette smoke, and your cocaine-fucked brain promptly decided that nothing else mattered but this moment.

The year is 1920, you thought dumbly, in that same blearily existential way only someone who was extremely high could. Will people still appreciate the Earth’s beauty a hundred years from now?

You probably wouldn’t be around to see it, but you hoped they did, and you squinted up at the sky to scope out any possible constellations. You’d never had a chance to notice it before, but this was a Nevada kind of view, which made you think of a moment five years earlier where you were lying in the great expanse of desert beneath the stars, watching Sam’s chest slowly rise and fall as he slept, swiping at the mosquitos whenever they got too close.

You weren’t all that aware of it, but your entire face stretched into a tired smile, making your cheeks ache. Goddamn, I love cocaine.

The next moments passed in a blink: suddenly the sun was rising, and you were at the station again, and you couldn’t remember how you’d gotten a ticket in your hands but you were already carrying your things onto the train, and vaguely acting sober, you stumbled into the first empty carriage you saw, all while your body didn’t feel like your own and you were simply a spectator to your own activities.

Which, honestly, you preferred. You had no fucking time to regret any of this.

//////

“Y/N?” John shouted, shining a flashlight down the long, empty hallway of the old Lee house. He’d stomped in there the minute the car had rolled into the field, so fast and panicked that he hadn’t even bothered to turn on the lights, meaning the house was shrouded in darkness. “Y/N!”

“Are you absolutely sure you didn’t see her at the train station?” he heard Esme snap at some Blinder waiting outside.

“Why would I lie for the fuckin’ Garrison rat?” John heard him reply before he stepped out of range, and scowling, he burst into the bedroom Esme had said you’d slept in days ago.

It was stripped bare, not even your scent had been left behind, like you’d never been inside the room in the first place, which only made the dread crawling down his back worse.

You’re a fucking knobhead, John scolded himself, pivoting on his heel to exit the room. A fucking knobhead, you know that? What kind of husband has their wife walk out on them?

Regretting his excessive drinking and smoking, sleeping in his office, booking his favourite whore at Zhang’s, and avoiding his wife like the plague, John ran back onto the field with his knuckles aching to kill something.

He took his cap off to smooth his hair back. “She’s not there.”

“‘Course she’s not,” Esme said resignedly.

“Where the fuck would she had gone?” John shouted at her, resisting the urge to grab her and violently shake her, purely to keep the peace between the families. “Esme, did she tell you any place that she was wanting to go?”

Esme opened her mouth and closed it.

“London,” she whispered back, her eyes wide. “She told me she wanted to go to London.”

“London!” he yelled in disbelief, whipping around. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

“The trains start early in the morning,” she bit out, twisting her hands together. The Blinder beside her was staring at her, wide-eyed, as though trying to find a way to insert himself into the conversation, but both she and John ignored him. “John, if we can’t find her, that means she already went.”

Unadulterated rage swept through him, bitter and blinding, but John choked it down. “Fuck.”

Ducking out of the way so they wouldn’t see his glossy eyes, he started to stomp away. “Get back in the fucking car.”

//////

London was sprawling and gleaming when the train noisily rolled into the station, and in your threadbare, dirt-stained skirt and cardigan, you felt like you weren’t expensive-looking enough to fit in.

No matter, you told yourself, but the voice in your head was much too pleasant and lacking the predisposed anxiety and misery to truly sound like yourself. You can simply buy new clothes.

Plus, you already knew you weren’t planning on staying in London for long anyway.

You hummed a quiet but hopeful folk song you’d first heard at the Garrison to yourself as you retrieved your things from the compartment, your heart already pounding hard with excitement at the thought of leaving the train. As you hummed out what little lyrics you could remember, a pang of sadness hit your gut for the first time since you’d snorted cocaine: you’d miss Grace, but you were happy her beautiful voice had become engraved in your memory.

Her voice was yours to keep forever.

Smiling, you carried your bags through the narrow hallway and descended the train.

And sweet Jesus, the air of London smelled like the most refreshing summer breeze simply because of the absence of manure and furnace smoke. The station was still overcrowded with people, which normally would have alarmed you had you been sober, but this time you didn’t even care, it almost felt like you had snorted another few lines of cocaine as you waded through the onslaught of people, a dumb grin plastered on your face.

Girl, you are high as balls.

You caught sight of a husband waiting at the gate with a bouquet of flowers for his approaching wife, and quickly glanced away. You didn’t need anything like that to bother you right now.

“Airport?” you asked aimlessly to the people around you. “Does anyone know how to get to the airport from here?”

After a minute or two of wandering around and shouting among the onslaught of people, a man not much older than Tommy Shelby finally turned around.

“Airport?” he asked, squinting down at you. “You’ll need to go to Croydon.”

“Where is that?” you asked sweetly, layering on the Americana glitter in your charming Garrison rat voice, batting your eyelids at him. “It’s my first time in London, you see.”

The man smiled and extended his hand. “I can take you there, miss, for a fee. I’ll carry your things for you.”

“How much quid?” you asked absent-mindedly, peering down into your bag to find your change. “I can give you, uh, maybe twenty-”

“I’m not talking about money,” he cut in, and your head snapped up like a deer in headlights. How dare he, knowing that you had a very expensive wedding ring glistening on your fing–

You stopped yourself.

You weren’t wearing your wedding ring.

It was rolling around somewhere in the depths of your bag.

Time seemed to slow down and your heart pounded even faster, cocaine influence or not, but what shocked you the most was the odd sense of relief, making the ugly scar stretching across the length of your abdomen tingle.

Men still desired you.

With your head slightly spinning and the residue feeling of your body not being your own anymore, it was the most chilling reminder that you weren’t sober: you suspected that in any other state of mind, you would feel differently about this, but right now you didn’t care.

Wasn’t the whole point of coming to London that you didn’t want to feel chained by the Shelbys anymore?

“Take me there,” you heard yourself say after what felt like a century, and the man’s grin widened. “Of course, ma’am.”

Please protect me, God, a voice whispered in the depths of your mind, and accepting his outstretched hand, you let him guide you out of your train station.

//////

Tommy Shelby pushed the heavy mahogany doors of the Garrison open with a flourish, stepped into the pub, and promptly bellowed at the top of his lungs, “Everybody out!”

It had been bad enough losing his own love to a mind-boggingly similar situation two months ago, but Christ, how likely was it for John boy to go through the same goddamned thing? He wasn’t sure if he was impressed or annoyed. What had gotten into the women of today? Was this something he seriously had to be worried about?

The few number of patrons at 11 AM on a Wednesday morning quickly made themselves scarce with a frightened look on their faces, and for the first time that morning, Tommy had a chance to sigh before he approached the confused and frightened barmaids behind the bar.

After Grace, he felt a deep inner hatred more intensely than he had before her, and this morning was no exception.

“Have you seen Y/N Lee around these parts in the past few weeks, ladies? Y/N Shelby? The Garrison rat?”

The two barmaids looked at each other, puzzled, and one opened her mouth but promptly closed it.

“You,” Tommy said, pouncing on her. “Did you see the Garrison rat at all?”

“I…uh….” she stuttered, and Tommy cocked his head in anticipation for her words. Where was the easy grace that all of the barmaids seemed to have whenever a Blinder visited? “I…”

The barmaid gulped and stared at the floor. “She came in here once, lookin’ like a mess, and said she was getting out of here that night.”

“What kind of mess was she?” he pressed, leaning forward. “Drunk? Sniffing snow?”

“She - she was covered in blood,” the barmaid choked out, and he recognized the telltale signs of an anxiety attack as she started shaking. “Covered in blood. And vomit. And dirt. And twigs. And she had this…crazed look in her eyes. None of the drunks have it, so I knew she wasn’t drunk. She meant what she was saying with a burning passion. She wanted somebody dead.”

Tommy thought back to the night that pathetic boy was killed, the way he’d wailed and screamed and cried as John pummelled him. It had been a real mess when you’d ran off like that, and there was no signs that you’d even been bothered until before then.

He eyed the other barmaid, who was pale as a ghost.

“Go make a drink for your friend,” he told her. “Ma’am, what’s your name?”

“Edith,” the sniffling barmaid replied, staring at the floor.

“Edith,” Tommy repeated. “Well, Edith, thank you for your time, but I’m afraid that the Garrison rat has fulfilled her promise as of this morning.”

With a haunting sort of finality, he replaced his cap and turned on his heel to exit the Garrison.

//////

“Fuck!”

Before John could stop it, a long, frustrated, angry scream ripped out of his throat, and it was so loud within the confined space of his office that it made his own ears ring. He was the only one here now, and it had been that way for an hour: the rest of the family had gone out looking for his wife.

His vision suddenly blurry with tears, he punched his desk over and over again, screaming at the top of his lungs, his hands stinging, his heart pounding, everything spiralling out of control at once. All of his emotions had been pushed as far as they could possibly go ever since he woke up, and at 4 PM in the afternoon, this was the only opportunity he’d had to let them out.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

John felt blood trickling down his knuckles and he finally stopped, cursing, hating himself. Why did he have to be like this? He would feel nothing but indifference for weeks on end until it all came rushing out of him like an avalanche.

Well, some part of him knew this explosion was warranted. It was forever frustrating being back to square one: without a wife, without a stepmother to take care of his kids, without love and painfully aware that he was without Martha. 

It wasn’t the first time he’d felt it, but it was the first time the feeling seared through his chest like a volcano erupting: he’d wished he’d never had kids.

“Why am I so stupid?” John shouted at himself in the thick silence. “Fucking hell, why am I so fucking stupid?”

Get it out, some type of comforting voice told him in the back of his head. Get it all fucking out.

His knuckles were pouring blood now, screaming for bandages, but John leapt from his chair and shoved everything off his desk in a giant sweep.

He picked up an empty vase behind him and threw it as hard as he could at the wall, where it exploded in a shower of glass.

He ripped open all the cabinets of his desk and yanked out all of the files, lobbing them at the wall, throwing them on the ground, tearing them in half, and when that wasn’t enough, he lifted his office chair and pounded it into the ground as violently as he could.

“Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!”

He couldn’t even remember when he’d started screaming anymore, but his throat was raw as he lobbed the splintered, broken pieces of the chair at the wall.

His hands were covered in blood, and he had a sobering feeling that maybe he should stop now, but no matter how self-destructive he was being, the rage was addicting, and he was throwing various detritus from the wreckage as hard as he could at the wall. The rush of pain flooding to his knuckles was almost gratifying— thank God, he could still feel things. Even if he was feeling too much, he was feeling, and that was good.

Tears were streaming down his face, and when he tried to inhale through his nose, his nostrils were blocked with snot, but he couldn’t stop. His entire face was red from overexertion and his hands were bleeding and he couldn’t stop shaking and he couldntfuckingbreathe, like he was a little kid throwing a tantrum, and—

If his throat was raw when he’d had the energy to destroy things, it was nothing like how it felt now. “Fuck!”

Maybe this is how Y/N felt when she saw me kill that monarchist fucker, John thought dumbly, and he sank to his knees in his demolished mess of an office, a tide of regret crashing through him unlike anything before.

This feeling hit him like it was trying to kill him.

//////

The car was parked in the parking lot of the airport, and it hadn’t moved for the past ten minutes.

It was cramped, uncomfortable, and questionably damp, but the man who’d driven you there-- Billy, you’d since learned his name was--  wouldn’t buy the plane ticket for you until you gave him your payment, and you had nothing left to lose. With Paris being a hefty cheque away, a daring trip that you could just barely afford, you had weighed your options and promptly decided fuck it, just get it over with.

Without breaking eye contact with him, you licked a thick stripe up the underside of his length before pulling back to suck the tip, darting your tongue around it, producing the filthiest slurping sounds he’d ever heard as you bobbed around him. He wasn’t longer than John, but a little thicker, and it was an interesting change to feel how his cock felt in your mouth.

“Fuck,” Billy murmured, weaving a hand through your hair as you swiped his cock over your wet lips, teasing it over your warm mouth, smearing your red lipstick further down your chin. “Fuck, just like that - gonna - fuck-”

He came fast with barely a warning, warm droplets of come spilling onto your tongue. Knowing you were almost done, you wrapped a hand around his length to jerk him off, gulping him down as best you could while he kept his hand tight in your hair, ensuring that you swallowed every last bit.

Saltier, you noted. Well, that’s a bit disgusting.

//////

He had her on her back so he wouldn’t have to look at her, but it was still so hard to pretend that she was someone else: the dark curly hair spilling over her shoulders that looked nothing like her hair, the breathy little moans that fell from her lips that sounded nothing like hers, even the way her pussy squeezed his cock, they were all dead giveaways that she wasn’t who John desperately wanted her to be. And no matter how hard he tried, she wouldn’t be.

“Oh, God,” Esme moaned, grabbing the headboard to keep herself from falling over as John fucked into her just a little bit harder, and his hand was wrapped around her neck before he even registered it being there.

“Shut up.”

She wasn’t listening.

“Fuck, John, I’m gonna-” –With one hand on the headboard, she was furiously rubbing her clit now– “I think I’m gonna - oh fuck -”

She collapsed from underneath him as her orgasm rushed through her body, but in a split-second he’d yanked her upright by her hair, back to her original position, except her arms were pinned behind her back.

This was about control.

Fucking her even harder now, his voice was furious in her ear as he whispered:

“Next time you come, you’re gonna ask for my permission, yeah?”

//////

Paris was golden.

Golden and full of pickpockets, that was for sure. The one drawback of such a fashionable, progressive city, you had to keep a tight hold on your purse as you made your way to the closest bar, or the bar à cocktails, as you frequently heard the locals call it.

Three months into living in Paris, you fit right in with the people born and raised here: they tended to go all out in comparison to Birmingham, their wardrobes were fashionable, flashy, and fancy to the point where a floor-length dress, your most expensive pearl necklace, and a glittery headband had become your drinking attire. You couldn’t imagine the stares had you worn the Garrison rat’s usual outfit of trousers and a blouse anywhere in Paris. 

So, when it came down to it, you didn’t mind being bold, not at all. It was the années folles, after all, and life was good.

The same way British slang had slowly seeped into your vocabulary when you were an American trapped in Birmingham, your accent was starting to change the longer you stayed in Paris. Words like “quid” and “fucking hell” were slowly starting to disappear in your internal monologue, instead being replaced with “franc” and “merde”. Eventually, your American accent wrapped around the French words you spoke with a kind of ease, your thoughts came to you in French more than they did in English, and it dawned on you one day that you couldn’t have imitated the sweetness of the Garrison rat’s voice if you tried.

Honestly, you couldn’t care less. Maybe it was for the better.

You gently pushed open the glass door to the bar and, smoothing your dress, walked inside.

Lilting jazz, warm golden light, quiet conversation, respectful barmaids, a wide array of bottles at the bar, and best of all, sparsely populated. You loved coming to this place— you were already a couple of shots in, of course, but you enjoyed the French stuff.

You carefully sat down on your usual barstool to the left of the barmaid and calmly told her, “Comme d’habitude.”

She nodded without looking at you, emotionless. “Pas de problème.”

You settled back onto the stool, content to think about nothing for a moment as your drink was being made, but you sensed him approaching you before you saw him. Even though you had to tell yourself that you weren’t the Garrison rat anymore, that mysterious charm hadn’t been lost on the men of Paris, clearly.

The new man— dark hair, gray eyes, nothing remarkable — sat on the stool to your direct left, with the kind of forced confidence that immediately told you he had to practice it before coming over to sit with you, and you refused to look at him.

The barmaid slid a shot over to you, and the mysterious new man held up his hand, as though to intercept you from paying. “Je vais le payer.”

Looking anywhere but his face, you didn’t stop him as he handed over a fistful of coins to the barmaid.

Why should you? It was free drinks. That was welcomed in Las Vegas, New York City, Small Heath, and Paris.

As the barmaid walked away to attend to a new customer, his attention was on you now.

“Vous venez souvent dans ce bar.”

It was a statement, not a question. You looked at him, your face completely blank, and said nothing.

He smirked at you. “Vous aimez cette musique, oui? Le jazz est toujours beau. Bon pour danser.”

When you still said nothing, growing slightly frustrated now, he asked, “Quelle est votre histoire?”

You scoffed, and finally decided to speak.

“C’est une longue histoire. Une trop longue histoire. La seule chose que je sais, c’est que je ne tomberai plus jamais en amour, donc si vous pensez m’inviter à danser, n’essaie pas.”

The man looked at you for a long moment, before getting up from the stool and walking away— wordless, the kind of complicated look on his face that you didn’t understand. And it pissed you off, really, not understanding why he had the audacity to look hurt.

With the drunken blurriness of your vision, as the man retreated into the distance, his silhouette seemed to be absorbed by the gleaming, golden light, and you let out a low sigh of relief as you were left alone again. Alone with your thoughts.

You turned back to the bar and found yourself lost in the murky depths of your drink that he’d paid for. Through the haze, you blearily noticed that you’d started thinking in English again. Blunt and short sentences, but still: English.

I’m never going to love again.

//////

AUGUST 1920 - SMALL HEATH, BIRMINGHAM

I’m never going to love again, thought John as he stared moodily across the length of the merry Garrison. Grace may not have been there anymore, but the roaring folk songs every night had remained in her memory, and someone had clearly written a new one for the drunks to sing.

The only person there that wasn’t singing, John couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood to act as though there weren’t any horribly-concealed glances in his direction every few minutes. Though, as time went on, they were becoming lesser and lesser, the Garrison rat was disappearing into a mythical woman that belonged to the folklore of Small Heath. Honestly, in the months without her, sometimes it was hard to believe that she had ever truly lived.

The song roared on.

“Oh, the Garrison rat, the Garrison rat, she left at twilight and we haven’t seen her since that…”

[alltheirdamn]

ok so soo… idk why, whyyyy ma’am, but your cowboy!joels fics and cowboy!joel himself……. have me in a fucking chokehold.. metephorically and in a kinky way too.. hehe. but ok. so hear me out… 🤠 but also, i know you’re having some health issues rn so put this on the back burner and take care of yourself first love, but i think you could execute this idea… perfectly.. 🫦

this could be a one shot or maybe even a short series, dunno but i feel like you and i…. we 👉🏼😮‍💨 ~~~~~~ 😮‍💨👈🏼 we understand each other and we are both thirsty sluts for our man joel here. so here my pitch:

i’ve been seeing these like rodeo cowboy videos all over my fyp (https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8dSPGLp/ ) on tik tok and ya know, cuz cowboy!joel is living in my frontal lobe right now rent free, i was like … damn, if that was joel doin this or on a bucking bronco at readers like state or county fair and then like sees reader in the crowd eyein him as he’s getting himself or his horse or whatever ready… and she’s eye fucking him… with his sexy fuckin get up they all wear with the cowboy hat and everythin… and he makes eyes with the reader and maybe tips his hat and gives her a small wink. then she like looks away a bit embarrassed and starts talking to a guy sitting next to her, let’s just say is her brother or close guy friend and that makes joel jealous as he thinks he has competition, and maybe before his event or turn he comes and introduces himself and lowkey flirts with reader a little because now up close he can see her fully and she’s got this sexy floral sundress on with her cowgirl boots and cute cowgirl hat on looking like a damn meal that he wants to devour. but he’s also just a tad bit soft as when she shakes his hand he pulls it up to kiss her knuckles and compliments how pretty she is that instead of the horse knocking him out of orbit, the reader is (or something corny like that, ya know?) and they banter back and forth a bit as the reader thinks he’s a bit cocky but sweet and likes how easy it is to talk to him, but is lowkey ready to ride that cowboy if you know what i mean… and he knows it too by the way she keeps looking down at how tight his jeans hug his pelvis and show a faint outline of him, but when he catches her, she says she was admiring his belt buckle, and to kind of stir the pot and challenge her a little bit he says something like, “how ‘bout if i win m’self first place here when it’s my turn, sweetheart, you can remove this buckle yourself and replace it with the prize winnin’ one after i take you out for dinner” and she is lowkey turned TF on by what we ALL know he means by that, but likes how he presented it and has been good to banter with her, so she says something like “only if you win first. i don’t think they give belt buckles as participation trophies” just to be a brat or something like that. HOWEVER!!!! little does she know he’s like KNOWN for his talent, as he’s like a national champion or something and winning first will be simple for him… 😏🥵😮‍💨 so like… he’s gon get that belt buckle and maybe when he finally has his turn they announce him like “next up we have Joel Miller, who just won himself the National Championship last season, let’s see if he can defend his title here tonight.” and her face goes red and he watches her as they announce him and after the announcement is done he tips his hat, winks and mouths to her something like ‘let’s go, first place, baby’ or something to make us FOAM at the mouth with how fucking sexy he would be in this moment and then yeah… i’m sure you can go from there 😮‍💨

psssttt… you… yeah YOU!!!!! get out of my HEAD!!!!! because i was LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT A RODEO!JOEL IDEA LAST WEEK WITH A COUPLE PEOPLE 👀👀👀👀

this is a BEAUTIFUL set up for a fic and you best believe i am pocketing this idea & going to absolutely give this a home on page 💛 pls stay tuned for this because it will be HAPPENING!!!!!

also, for funsies… rotten cowboy!joel was a bull rider in his hayday and has his own lil collection of belt buckles… which may be included in the next one shot 👀 enjoy this lil snippet for your pleasure xoxo

**

joel slipped the warm leather belt around your neck, the large brass belt buckle cool against your skin. it was his prize from a rodeo back when he did bull riding as a twenty something year old boy. it was his most prized possession, and now you wore it like a choker. his fingers tightened the buckle until it was secure, the stretch of it across your throat unforgiving and suffocating. he gave it one last tug, and you restrained yourself from clawing at the burning sting of the leather digging into your neck.

“ain’t you just the prettiest lil’ thing,” he cooed.

your vision was already hazy around the corners, a vignette lens of the room around you as it warped at the edges of your sight. you tried speaking, but the words croaked from your lips, the syllables dying on your tongue and drying out before you could even make another sound.

“this lil’ necklace is doin’ a real nice job of keepin’ you quiet. lets keep it that way, darlin’. not a fuckin’ sound for me, ‘kay? don’t wanna hear your sweet voice right now.”

**

anyway omg??? running to find pic inspo and make this idea HAPPEN!!!!! thank you nonie xoxo ilysm 💛

[pimosworld]

Only if you catch me

Pairing-Frankie Morales x f!reader

Series Summary-You meet Frankie when you least expect it. Both of you hiding from your past and trying to find each other won’t be easy, but it’s worth it if forever is with him. 

Series Warnings- 18+,MDNI, NSFW, Angst, hurt/comfort, Slow-ish burn, Explicit Smut, D/S dynamics, canon typical violence, Tom is mentioned (but dead), The boys got the money, Frankie helping reader open up in the bedroom, mentions of past abusive relationships, recovering addict, PTSD, tough family relationships, healing through therapy, protective Frankie, protective TF boys, found family, reader is a photographer , no description of reader other than the nickname Flash. 

WC-7k (who am I?)

A/N- This introductory chapter got me so excited for this. I hope you love these two as much as I do.

[Series Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

Not beta read

Chapter 1. Aperture

This should be a simple shoot.

  In and out. 

  Easy enough to dust off the cobwebs and get your name out there in a new city. An amateur boxer about to go pro. He needs a promo bill for some huge fight he has coming up. The details don’t really concern you about why. It’s the who. 

  Capturing a good shot isn’t about the camera or the angle, it’s not even about the time of day or lighting. That’s all secondary to who and what is in front of the lense. The emotion makes the image feel one hundred times better than the camera could ever try to capture. 

  You figured this would be a good way to dip your toes back into working. 

  You're early. An odd habit you picked up from knowing that the most meaningful shots are captured when everyone’s guard is down. When the family is setting up or when the bride is hanging out with her friends. When everyone is too preoccupied to pose…that’s when the magic happens. 

  It’s a modest gym, warehouse style on the edge of town. Thankfully not far from your new apartment so you didn’t have to stress about still not knowing your way around. Judging by the minimal trucks in the parking lot it’s a private shoot. That helps your nerves settle a little more not having to be in too large of a crowd. 

  You can tell you’re stalling so you brace your hand on your tote bag and the other on the door handle and haul yourself out of the old green Jeep. The most tried and true possession you own besides the Nikon Z nestled neatly in its case. 

  ****

  Low rumbles of men’s voices hit you when you enter the gym. The scent of sweat soaked leather and old wooden floors. The faint hint of liniment and gym mats. 

  The front desk is empty but you wait there for a brief moment. Taking in the clean front entry way  with various pictures on the wall. Some posed and some candids of the most attractive men you’ve ever seen. Just beyond the desk is a large framed photo of some of the men and one brunette clad in military gear. 

  A huge roar of laughter sounds from the other room, a welcoming sound that you feel yourself being pulled towards. So you take a deep breath, shrugging your strap higher on your shoulder and venture towards it. 

  You wanted to look nice,professional on your first job. Now the heels clicking against the wood, signaling to the men that a woman is approaching seems like the worst idea you’ve ever had. All eyes land on you as you enter the main area of the gym. There’s two men in the ring. One man is hunched over, dripping sweat as he looks like he ran several miles. A tall blonde leans on the ropes, looking the opposite of exhausted as he does nothing to disguise the way he rakes up and down your form. A huskier version of him is making his way towards you, a look in his eyes almost like he’s stalking prey, yet there’s something familiar there and it dawns on you that they were in the photo. 

  Another man across the room leans against the wall, his broad back turned away from everyone while he talks on his phone. His hand flits nervously to the back of his neck as he continues his conversation in hushed words. 

  “You’re early. I like that.” The man extends his hand and you compose yourself briefly to offer a former handshake than he expected. You can see it in his eyes as he releases it. “I’m Will, that’s my brother Ben in the ring that you’ll be taking photos of.” 

  “Hi sweetheart.” Ben blows you a kiss with his gloved hand and you raise your eyebrows at the forward gesture. Handsome, cocky, definitely not your type. 

  “Ignore him.” 

  “It’s kind of my job to do the opposite.” You offer up as you make your way to an open bench and he laughs genuinely. 

  You can feel the nerves rolling off you in waves as you open your bag to set up your camera. You know they’re watching, waiting for instruction and something about having the cool heavy metal in your hand always turns you into a bit of a bossy bitch. You don’t mean it but you can tell around these men you’ll have to hold your own or run the risk of being treated like a joke. 

  Will had already gone over in great detail via email what his vision was for Ben’s promo. The man was meticulous in his description of how he wanted his brother to look. You could tell how much he cared about his image in the way he wanted you to capture his youthfulness and passion for the sport. You didn’t need any further direction when you squared up alongside the ring. 

  “You here to capture my boyish good looks?” Ben flexes his muscles as you take a photo catching him slightly off guard. 

  “Just pretend I’m not here.” You gesture towards the other man in the ring who’s finally gained some composure. 

  “That’s James, don’t worry about him. He likes getting his ass kicked.” 

  “Oh…I guess you would know.” Ben scoffs and Will has to hide his smile behind his hands at your banter. Not one to back down from a little teasing and unbeknownst to Ben capturing candid photos while he tries to flirt. 

  You flit your eyes to Will in a silent communication. 

  “Ben! Focus please.” 

  It’s almost immediate the way he switches to fight mode. Dancing around his opponent, toying with him like he’s a child. He doesn’t seem phased by the snap of your camera as you take a few test shots. 

  The way he bites his lip when he’s squaring up his opponent. How he bounces left to right when he doesn’t have a good shot. Maybe only you notice because you’re watching him so intently when he realizes he’s found his opening. His vision zeroes in and his movements cease. 

  That’s when you take the shot. 

  “He’s too photogenic.” The low sultry voice registers behind you but it doesn’t cause you to startle. 

  “Disgustingly so.” 

  He laughs, and there it is again. The boldened, unadulterated laugh that these men have a lock on. 

  You don’t have to turn around to know the mysterious voice is accompanied by the man that you’ve been eyeing since you got here. He’s confident enough to penetrate your bubble of safety to occasionally peek over your shoulder as you check the shots you're getting. 

  If he notices you flinch at the sound of leather meeting skin he doesn’t say anything. 

  “It’s a shame such a handsome face chooses to subject itself to such torture.” You say as you continue to adjust the angle. He glances over to you, watching you work. Trying to keep his eyes off your legs exposed in your knee high sundress. 

  His body is closer to you now, this stranger. 

  “He doesn’t make a habit of getting hit.” He smirks when you look at him and there’s no cover for you as your lips curl into a smile. “It’s easy to not pretend that he’s so good looking.” 

  “Don’t sell yourself short.” 

  He looks at you then as he brushes his fingers along his lips. Chocolate brown eyes piercing into you and you can’t help but snap a picture. 

  It’s brief. The moment of apprehension from him as you study the photo on your lense camera. This stranger is awaiting your approval. Likely not having his photo taken in such an intimate setting in quite some time. Another one of the handsome men from the front desk picture. 

  It takes you by surprise when you see it. 

  If he notices he doesn’t say a word. 

  He’s beautiful. An old world beauty with all hard lines and soft eyes. He sidles up next to you and the warmth emanating from him is enough to have you delirious. 

  “So…what’s the verdict?” 

  You bite your lip and hold on as you glance up at him. His mouth slightly parted in an o shape as he watches you release it. 

  “You’re a natural.” 

  “Francisco.” 

  You give him your name and he says it like a command. 

  “Hey, I’m not paying you to take pictures of his ugly mug.” Ben’s voice cuts through the little moment you were having with him as he flips his friend off, looking a little sheepish at having displayed it in front of you. 

  You send him an apologetic look as you get back to work. You occasionally check the images to make sure the lighting isn’t off. It’s glaringly obvious that Ben is posing and it’s throwing you off. You want him to look more natural but instead it’s coming off like a cheesy catalog. 

  “So…you borrowing that camera from Andy?” There’s that voice again, so close to you and you can’t deny it does something that you wish it wouldn’t. 

  You smirk glancing down at the black and white label just above your lense. 

  ANDY

  “No, that’s her name…Andromeda.” Offering up no further explanation you continue shooting, walking around the ring because you have to find a way to work around Ben's chaos. 

  He’s following closely behind as his heavy footsteps creak on the old wood floors. His arms crossed against his chest as you look over your shoulder. His face reads exactly what you would expect from purposefully leaving someone in the dark for your own amusement. 

  “Andy because Andromeda wouldn’t fit…Andromeda was rumored to be the most beautiful and…” You trail off as you admire it in your hand. “She’s the most beautiful in my collection and the most important to me.” 

  Running his tongue over the front of his teeth you think he wants to make fun but it’s quite the opposite. You’re distractingly beautiful and cute and if he was feeling adventurous he’d call you Andromeda but he’s not confident enough to dish that one out. So he stays quiet. 

  Too quiet. 

  You’re panicking thinking how you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of this handsome man and you should back pedal. Explain away your ramblings because you’re so used to not being understood. Yet he surprises you. 

  “I have a heli named Lucy.” 

  He mentions all casually and you have to register that he means helicopter. Subtle 

  “Francisco.” 

  “Frankie, my friends call me.” 

  “Frankie…you own a helicopter?” 

  Will stepped into the ring to let Ben know he can stop torturing James. Frankie has to thank his friend as he sees him grab Ben to keep him from intruding on one of the best conversations he’s had in awhile. 

  “It’s not meant to be a brag, but yes.” 

  You hum in approval as you turn to look at him. Your eyes pin him to the spot and he feels his face grow hot. 

  “Lucy is a lucky lady.” 

  It’s the gleam in your eyes. The way his stomach does a flip when he gets a whiff of your perfume. He’d throw away all notions of the cliche love at first sight because maybe he finally sees how it’s possible. It also welcomes another uneasy feeling. The feeling that people are so quick to settle for less, something he’s done most of his life because that’s what he thought he deserved. His last few relationships he settled just to feel comfortable and one of those almost took him under. 

  “So did you turn me into a model or what?” Ben slaps Frankie on the back and he’s never wanted to strangle him more. “Or what.” Mumbled under his breath and he catches your smile ear to ear. 

  You don’t answer as you see Will approaching already knowing who has the final say. 

  Ben’s ribbing him, sending all sorts of suggestive eyes at Frankie as he wraps his sweaty body on his shoulders and you slink away to handle business. 

  ****

  “These look great.” You know Will is being nice when it comes to your work…you don’t want nice. You want honest. 

  “They could look better.” He snorts as he looks over at his brother shadow boxing Frankie.

  “Tell me more.” 

  ****

  You’d said your goodbyes and made your way out of the gym with your dignity intact. Stepping out into the parking lot to take the first deep breath in over an hour. 

  Will was thoroughly impressed with the photos. So impressed that he asked you…practically begged you to photograph Ben's upcoming fight. You think this may have just been an audition for that but you can’t be mad since he paid you for today and you got to meet Frankie. 

  He could sense your apprehension and assured you that the fights are nothing but professional and he would be there if you had any concerns. Of course you were secretly hoping Frankie would be there as well. 

  Since moving to Tampa Florida a year ago you knew dating was out of the question. The dramatic fashion in which you ended up here was enough to have you swearing off all forms of a relationship. As the months passed and you watched your savings dwindle you knew it was only a matter of time before you picked up your camera again and tried to find that sliver of hope that you hadn’t lost the passion for something you once loved. 

  Meeting Frankie was unexpected and it makes you wonder if you’re even ready for this. It seems you’re getting a little ahead of yourself because all you received when you left him was a polite nice to meet you. You didn’t miss the way his friends looked at him as though he had more to say. 

  You put the keys in the ignition of your old Jeep praying to anyone listening that it will still turn over. You know it’s on its last leg but you definitely can’t afford a new car right now. The weak ac blows in your face as it roars to life and you curse yourself for having chosen a place so humid that everything clings to you to the point of suffocation. 

  Your phone is buzzing in your tote and you already know who it is before checking. 

  “Hi Dom.” 

  “How’d you know it was me?” You take a long pause and hear her chuckle on the other end. 

  “Dominique, you’re the only person I talk to.” 

  Your sister, the only family member you can still stomach talking to. The only sane one who understood your struggles and didn’t dismiss your need to separate from your toxic mom and stepdad. 

  You felt bad leaving her behind but she had a family of her own that kept her afloat. Her wife Elise and your adorable nephew Casey were the only family you acknowledged at this point. 

  “So how was the shoot?” You can hear it in her voice. You know what she’s really asking. Are you okay?

  “It was great honestly.” You pause long enough for her to seem worried. She always worried, being your older sister. 

  “Hmmm.”

  “I’m being honest. It went a lot better than I thought. I was having second thoughts at first with this being my first one, but the second I started it was like riding a bike.” 

  “And you were fine with the fighting?” A beat of silence. 

  “Yes…it wasn’t really fighting, more so just throwing a few punches and dancing around.” You clear your throat. “The boxer is actually a sweetheart. His friend and brother were there too and they were really nice.” 

  “Ohhh tell me more about this boxer.” 

  “Oh no he’s not the one.-“ You hadn’t stopped yourself in enough time to catch the way you specified that there was one. 

  “The brother…wait no let me guess.” You groan at your sister’s incessant detective skills. “It’s the friend isn’t it?” 

  “It’s no one actually.” Which isn’t quite a lie. “Oh shit.” 

  You hear your sister frantically asking what’s wrong when you see Frankie exiting the gym. It looks like he’s coming right towards you but maybe he’s just parked near you. You don’t seem to be that lucky when he rounds the side of your car and taps on the window. 

  “Give me a sec Dom.” 

  You roll down the window as you try to calm your beating heart. He leans against the side slightly ducking to shield himself from the sun and you notice how snugly his shirt fits around his bicep. 

  “This Jeep has to be almost twenty years old.” He glances in at the pristine interior admiring your mini camera charm hanging from the rearview mirror. 

  “Wow, we’re starting off with insults.” You smile and he can’t help the way it’s already so easy with you. 

  “It was meant as a compliment.” The way he drops his voice and his close proximity has you sweating, or maybe the humidity is taking over. “Anyway…I just wanted to let you know I’ll be there on Friday. Will said you seemed a little nervous.” 

  You groan as you hide your face in your hands “Was it that obvious?” 

  He hesitates as he looks at the worry lines between your brows, wanting to smooth them out with his thumb and he thinks me might actually be losing his mind over you. “No…I’m sure it was fine.”

  Fine

  He removes his cap as he runs his fingers through his hair and it’s not evident if he’s doing it on purpose or if it’s a nervous habit but you wish he would stop looking so handsome. 

  “I look forward to seeing you and Andy on Friday.” His eyebrow arched and his lips curled up into a smile. 

  You plop your hands dramatically on the steering wheel. “I’ll be the awkward one with a camera if you can’t find me.” You both laugh and a moment passes as you wait for something, you’re not sure what. “Bye Frankie.”

  You roll up your window and sigh at the cool air hitting your damp skin as he takes one last look at you over his shoulder. You think he’s heading to leave but he retreats back into the gym and you realize he came out here looking for you. You are so fucked. 

  You shakily hold the phone up to your ear. “Dom, you still there?”

  A shriek echoes in your ear as you hold the phone away. 

  “I’m deaf now…are you happy?” You can practically see her face on the other end. All teeth and tongue as she tries to contain her sarcasm. 

  “Who’s Frankie, how does he know about Andy? What’s happening on Friday?” She’s spiraling now and you don’t have the patience to sit in this parking lot any longer. 

  “I gotta go Dom, I’ll explain later.” 

  “Don’t you dare hang up-“

  ****

  Friday

  You’d been nervously counting down the days leading up to the fight for several reasons. The thought of seeing Frankie again and the fact that Will had a lot of confidence that you were going to be perfect for the job. Despite never having watched a professional fight let alone photographed one terrified you. 

  Blood made you squeamish and the thought of possibly witnessing any broken bones had you sweating through your shirt. 

  You’re early again but Will was impressed by that. The fight is being hosted at a much larger gym so you wanted to make sure you didn’t get lost on the way. Giving yourself a once over before hopping out of your car with your tote and Andy in tow. 

  Heels didn’t seem appropriate for a fight so you went for a casual look of jeans and some thrifted tee shirt from ages ago that had Mike Tyson on the front. 

  Going anywhere alone always gives you anxiety but you muster up the courage to head inside. The moment you step through the door it’s an assault on your senses. The unmistakable scent of stale sweat and cheap cologne greets you. There’s a lot of people already here crowding around the ring and taking their seats. The air vibrates with a hum of conversations, discussions of strategy and predictions. 

  There’s a clear divide of supportive colors, some people clad in red and other patrons in all black with Miller boxing on the back of their shirts. 

  You’re thankful no one seems to notice you as you mill about searching for that one familiar face you’re hoping is here like he said he would be. 

  You’re taken aback by a promo poster of Ben along the wall. The image of the tall blonde flexing with his arms raised, looking proud as a peacock was definitely a photo you took the other day. Whoever designed the poster did an amazing job at not taking away the raw charm of the original photo. 

  “Admiring your work.” Will steps up next to you, arms crossed as he stares proudly at the photo. 

  “This poster looks pretty good for such a quick turn around.” You told him with a genuine smile. 

  He shrugs his shoulders. “I dabble here and there with photoshop.” 

  He notices you glancing around him, a small smirk gracing his features. “Looking for someone?”

  This isn’t the first time you notice how obnoxiously intuitive he is. “No, just taking in the scenery.” It’s a lie he'll let you get away with for now. 

  “I’m actually glad you’re early, if you don’t mind snapping some shots of Ben in the locker room.” He gestures towards the large double doors across the room. 

  You have to laugh at him. “I don’t mind doing my job, Will. It’s what you hired me for right?” 

  He starts walking and you follow close behind. “Sorry, I’m used to giving orders to men and asking for permission from women.” 

  “Will, please don’t ever apologize for that.” You add before he opens the door stepping aside to usher you in. His presence is so reassuring, it’s dizzying being around men that actually make you feel safe for the first time since you left home. 

  Will whistles and it echoes off the walls in the locker room. Ben glances up from his hands being taped and shoots you a nervous smile. You can tell his attitude is in fight mode, his adrenaline no doubt focused on his opponent. The bouncing, jovial man from the other day is subdued, concentrating on the task in front of him. 

  Your hands instinctively reach for your camera  to capture the pre-fight moments. There’s a woman taping his hands with red hair and strikingly beautiful green eyes. She doesn’t seem to mind as you close in on their space to get a shot of her intricate tape. Ben’s hands shake slightly but he does his best to hold them still. 

  He’s clad in all black shorts and shrugs off the Miller boxing shirt when she’s done taping. He can’t help himself as he turns to you and flexes. 

  “I think this is your signature pose.” You say as he turns to his brother, sending him a look of  ‘I told you so’. 

  “Don’t encourage him.” The woman adds as Will slides up next to her planting a kiss on her cheek. 

  “I think you both forgot why she’s here.” Ben gestures to you. “Yours truly is the main event.” 

  “I don’t know how the other guys gonna fit in the ring with Ben and his ego.” Will and the woman laugh as Ben looks less than amused and you snap a photo, candids being your favorite. 

  “I’m sorry, excuse my manners.” His hand placed gently along her lower back as he ushered her towards you. “This is my wife Amber.” 

  She raises her eyebrows at him as you offer your name and you look slightly confused as Ben scoffs. “I’m his fiancé, but I should be flattered at how eager he is to be my husband.” 

  “Wife has a better ring to it.” He leans in kissing her again and Ben just groans. 

  “They’re like this all the time. It’s obnoxious.” He says with mock disgust. 

  You snap another photo of the intimate moment, since they didn’t protest the first. I think it’s beautiful. 

  ****

  Still no sign of him

  But you can’t think about that right now as Benny prepares to enter the ring. The bright lights surrounding the room and the raucous noise is starting to get to you but you take a few deep breaths and hope you can hold out. 

  Amber and Will are preoccupied on the sideline, hyping Benny up as he sized up his opponent. Who somehow seems two times the size of the young blonde. Something tells you not to underestimate him as the stone cold look washes over his features, making anyone who stands in his path sorely regret it. 

  The crowd roars as the bell signals the start of the fight. Your camera poised and ready with your nerves and excitement swirling in equal measure. If you thought Ben sparring the other day was bad, you were wildly unprepared for the sound of the first blow to his opponent’s face. You wince behind your camera flash as the distinct grunt of a possible broken nose is evident. Ben takes a wide shot to the ribs but he doesn’t falter. Blow after blow and it seems you’re getting more comfortable with the onslaught of violence for some odd reason. 

  Perhaps it’s the way Benny has handled each one or the fact that you’re finally getting the shots you so desperately wanted the other day. He’s actually focused on what’s in front of him and not on you. You can drown out the rest of the noise besides Will's coaching and Ambers cheers of encouragement. The shutter of Andy is all you need. 

  “Sweetheart, you should take my picture.” 

  You recoil at the sweaty palm on your lower back and the pungent smell of cheap liquor invading your senses. It’s no surprise when you turn to see a random man, bloodshot eyes from too many long nights and too much booze. You already knew by the sound of his voice that it wasn’t who you’ve been expecting. 

  “No thanks.” You gesture to your camera. “I’m sort of working here.” 

  You continue to try and focus back on the fight as it seems Benny has him on the ropes and it’s not too long before the other man is going down. 

  He’s closer now, caging you against the ring as his hand threatens to move lower and everyone is too preoccupied to notice that you want to crawl out of your skin. 

  “Come on hun, you don’t have to be bitch.” The last part he practically spits at you and with his opponent keeled over momentarily Benny’s eyes flash to you like a caged animal. 

  You think for a brief moment he might jump over the ropes but he flashes you a wide grin and continues to back up as the ref gestures his hands for the countdown. 

  The pressure is suddenly off you and you feel like you can breathe again, as you whip around to see where he went. “You know you shouldn’t touch women without their permission.” Frankie’s large palm is gripping the man’s shirt as he struggles to get out of his grasp. 

  “Get the fuck off me Morales, I know you’re not gonna hit me.” Frankie's eyes flash to you briefly in worry, a signal that he knows this creep and doesn’t want to be associated with him. 

  Frankie drags him by the collar just out of earshot as he sees you turn back to the fight so as not to miss any important shots. 

  “Listen up Jones.” He grits out through clenched teeth. “You’re gonna get yourself in some real trouble one of these days.”

  “Hey, Morales I didn’t know she was your lady okay.” 

  “She’s not…” He lets out a sigh of frustration. “Just quit fucking around, I can tell you’ve been drinking again. If I don’t see you at a meeting this week I’m gonna throw you into the ring with Ben and see if he can knock some sense into you. Comprende?” 

  He releases him with force as he shrugs his shoulders, trying to smooth out his shirt. “Ya ya, you’ll see me.” 

  Frankie watches the man disappear into the crowd toward the direction of the bar and just shakes his head. You’re still there as the ref signals that Benny won the fight and he shoves his way back through to you on the sideline. 

  There’s a look of relief and something else on your face when you turn to him. 

  “Benny won!” You flash him a bright smile as he laughs to himself. 

  “He always does.” It’s said assuredly and proud as you turn back to the ring. His arms lean protectively on the ropes beside you, careful not to touch you but close enough where no one would try to push you out of the way. 

  You glance down at the monitor to take a deep breath as you feel him behind you. His woodsy cologne mixed with the fresh body wash wafts towards you. That mixed with the fact that he was so instantly protective of you has your head spinning. 

  Trying desperately to focus back on your job you realize the last shot Benny’s slightly blocked by the ropes. You let out a huff of frustration as Frankie leans down close to your ear. 

  “Everything okay hermosa? Is it Andy?” No it’s you

  You close your eyes as you let the deep lull of his voice calm you. The voice you’d waited hours to hear. The one you couldn’t stop thinking about since that first day. 

  “Ya everything is fine.” You laugh to yourself at his genuine concern for your most prized possession. “I just can’t see very well.” 

  He worries his lip hoping he’s not overstepping after your encounter earlier. “I have an idea.” 

  Intrigued, you turn to him as he gestures to the side of the ring. “Step up.” You tilt your head at him and he raises his eyebrows and points to the ledge. 

  “Frankie.” 

  “I promise I won’t let you fall.” You falter for a brief moment, but the crowd cheers as Benny runs around the ring and you can’t waste another shot. 

  He steps up behind you, careful not to touch until you’re ready as you take one hand and hoist yourself up with the rope. Your other hand is securely on your camera. You think you’re fine but the rope gives a little and you start to fall back but the breadth of his shoulders is right behind you as he instructs you to lean on him. 

  Your heart is going to pound out of your chest as you realize how intimately he has you wrapped up. His arms around your thighs hold you steady and yet you can tell he’s doing it with the utmost composure to make you feel comfortable. 

  Benny runs over to you, flexing his arms with his signature pose, coined by you. Your hands still aren’t moving and Frankie nudges you slightly. 

  “I’ve got you.” You sure hope he does for your sake. The way he’s looking at you and holding you right now, you don’t think you’d be able to stand up on your own. 

  You turn back to Benny and snap a few shots of his winning smile. 

  “Fuck me, the flash is on.” You make a few adjustments and disable the automatic flash. The bright lights surrounding the ring provide plenty of light amongst the room. 

  Frankie has to take a few deep breaths, especially when your choice of words has him thinking things he shouldn’t with your body as close to his as it could get. He’s trying to be professional, he did suggest this after all and it would be rude to take advantage of the situation. 

  He can tell you’re relaxing as you go back and forth between glancing at the screen and Benny. Your ass is perched  perfectly along his shoulder as his arms protectively bracket your legs to keep you upright against the ropes. He can smell vanilla and something familiar, even through your jeans which he’s grateful for, if not for them his cheek would be touching the smooth skin on your thigh. 

  The crowd starts to disperse as Will and Amber join Benny in the ring. Benny playfully jumps on his older brother as he shrugs his sweaty body off of him. Despite you not taking any more pictures Frankie still has you wrapped as they come over to join you. Amber sends you a knowing look and your face grows hot as you halfway pretend to look over photos. 

  “So…how did it turn out?” Ben bounds over with a gleam in his eye. Adorned with a few scrapes and bruises but otherwise untouched. 

  He leans on the ropes as you hold out the camera flicking through a few of your favorite shots. His arm draped over you and the sweat and adrenaline is rolling off him. You can’t be too upset, the man just single handedly pummeled his opponent like it was just another day. Frankie swats him playfully to save you from the post fight stench about to seep through your tee shirt. 

  “Sorry, he doesn’t really know what personal space is.” You glance down to Frankie and realize how ironic that statement is coming from the man who's been the closest to you physically in over a year. 

  “Oh shit, she got a perfect shot of me crushing his nose.” Ben jumps up and down as Will sends you a half apologetic look. 

  You’re slightly knocked off kilter as Frankie tightens his grip on you. 

  You look over to see another handsome dark haired man pulling himself up to the ropes next to you. 

  “Who might you be?” His aquiline smile and toned muscles rippled through his shirt as he grips the rope. You recognize him from the photo on the desk but opt to stay silent. Assessment was your strong suit and he seems like the type that likes a challenge. 

  Amber looks like she’s going to say something but doesn’t get the chance as you’re quite literally swept off your feet. Your grip on Frankie’s arm tightens as he pulls you away from the ropes and the sickeningly sweet man beside you. 

  “Relax hermosa, I’ve got you.” He gently sets you down and grabs your hand, pulling you even further from the prying eyes as you try to catch your breath. 

  ****

  Santiago points at you and Frankie as he shrugs his shoulders. Indignation dripping off his features. 

  “Oh, I know he’s frustrated when he’s gone non verbal” Ben teases as he ruffles Santi’s hair. 

  Will sidles up next to his fiancé, wrapping his arms around her as he leans in. 

  “You’re staring at her like a piece of meat babe.” 

  “Sorry.” She hisses under her breath. “It’s just…she would be perfect for the wedding.” 

  “I know, but why don’t we give her some space. Let her get settled in.” He nods his head toward the two of you. “Also maybe give Frankie a chance to ask her out before you ask her to photograph the wedding. It would be awkward if she said no to him.” 

  “How do you know he’s asking her out?” 

  Will lowers his voice as Santiago raises an eyebrow at him, doing his best to pay attention to Ben and eavesdrop. 

  “Look at his stance, he can’t stop moving from one foot to another.”

  “He’s taken his hat off twice.” 

  “Now his hands are in his pockets, and I can almost guarantee he’s sweating.” 

  ****

  You’re not sure what to do as he stares at you. His scent envelopes you even now that you’re apart. 

  Frankie clears his throat awkwardly as he bounces from one foot to another. He’s nervous and you’re not entirely sure why, seeing as though you’d spent the better part of the fight attached to his shoulder. 

  “I ugh…hope this wasn’t too traumatizing for you.” 

  You laugh as you dip your head. “It was definitely eventful. But you made it a lot easier to handle.” 

  He tries to hide his smile as the red creeps up his neck. His obvious nervous tick as he takes off his hat for the second time, running his fingers through his hair. You have the sudden wild urge to do it yourself as you busy your hands with the hem of your shirt. 

  “We usually go out for drinks after his fights to celebrate.” He leaves it open ended as he watches you visibly tense. 

  Shit 

  Shit

  “It’s been a really long day.” Not entirely a lie. 

  You can see his demeanor go from nervous wreck to utter panic and you can’t leave him out on a limb. 

  “Listen Frankie, I have to be honest with you. I don’t drink. I’m not a buzzkill or anything but…”

  “I’m sober.” He doesn’t mean to shout it at you but it comes out all rushed and now he can feel the sweat dripping down his back. “If that changes anything, if not I understand.” Frankie feels like he’s scrambling and realizing how much easier this was when he wasn’t sober. 

  You let out a sigh of relief as you glance to your right at the small audience huddled around the ring. Santiago quickly turns around while Amber and Will do an awful job of seeming interested in the ceiling. Benny flashing you a thumbs up as you chuckle to yourself. 

  “I would love to join you guys, another night maybe. I think I’ve had enough action for one day.” You hope the open ended invitation isn’t completely shutting you off from any chance with Frankie. 

  Every nerve ending in his body is screaming at him to stop but you do something to him that he hasn’t felt in a long time. That small subconscious part of his brain knows if he leaves it like this he may never work up the nerve to say something. 

  “Would you be up for dinner? Maybe sometime next week?” His voice cracks a little at the end like he’s some kind of pubescent boy. If the floor could swallow him whole or Benny could come over and just put him completely out of his misery that might suffice for the next few weeks. 

  You bite your lip, consciously or unconsciously. He doesn’t care either way. Some wild part of his brain wants to reach out and pull it down with the pad of his thumb. 

  “I would love to go to dinner.” 

  Relief floods his features and you have to fight the grin that crosses over your face. 

  “So it’s a date.” 

  Fuck a date. 

  You haven’t been on one of those in ages. 

  “Ya Frankie, it’s a date.” 

  He’s finally stopped fidgeting and he seems so much more confident now that you can really appreciate him. 

  You're both in your own little bubble of flirtation and you could care less who or what’s going on around you. 

  “Would it be okay if I hugged you?” 

  You smile. “I think after how close we were for the last hour it would be weird if you didn’t.” 

  His arms wrap around you instantly and that familiar scent is becoming so comforting for you. You have to fight the urge to deeply inhale as your nose is pressed against his chest. His touch is so delicate and grounding all at once and you fear you’ll grow to associate him with someone safe. 

  Why would that be a bad thing?

  The last time Frankie was this impulsive he got himself into a lot of trouble. This doesn’t quite feel the same as he tries not to inhale the scent of your shampoo as his cheek rests on the crown of your head. The way your body molds perfectly into his. The way he has to gain some level of composure when it comes to you and yet all reason has gone out the window. 

  It’s dizzying when you finally break apart. Your shoulder bag slipped slightly down and he reached over to secure it for you. 

  “Well, I should say bye to everyone.” 

  “I’ll do it on your behalf if you want to make a break for it.” He winks at you and your knees might give out right then and there. 

  Letting out an exasperated sigh. “You’re a lifesaver Francisco.” 

  You wave goodbye to more than a few confused faces and exit the gym to a mostly empty parking lot, inhaling the fresh night air. 

  ****

  “Did she let you down easy?” Benny teases as his brother smacks him on the back. 

  “Yee of little faith gentleman.” Amber says as she directs her attention to Frankie. 

  “As a matter of fact, we’re going on a date next weekend.” 

  Amber squeals and Benny pats his friend in the back as Santiago looks thoroughly annoyed at still being left in the dark. 

  Will's phone pings in his pocket and he pulls it out, the widest shit eating grin plastered on his face. 

  “Our boy is a little rusty.” 

  All heads turn to Will confusion written among their faces. 

  “You’re gonna need her number if you’re gonna take her on a date, Fish.” 

  Okay, so maybe he was a little rusty but he had a date. With you. 

  “Alright boys…and Amber. Let’s get some drinks to celebrate.” Benny jumps over the ropes like it’s nothing and heads toward the locker rooms as the rest of the men follow. 

  “Is someone gonna tell me who she is!?” Santiago yells out to them as they all leave him seemingly in the dark. 

  At least for now, Frankie’s gonna keep you to himself. 

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

Taglist- @sawymredfox @morallyinept

Next

[summer-lantern]

⭐️Virtual Angel’s diary, leading up to now⭐️

(Mod Note 1: will definitely make this a series as days go by)

WARNINGS: abuse, cursing, slight descriptions of physical abuse, Winter being Winter, lmk if I missed anything!

Man… I guess I should actually fill in my diary in case my actual self gets lost in a Hollow or something.. so let me introduce myself. Hi, hello, Привет!~ 

My name is Snezhana Volkova, or Winter. Just call me ‘Winter’, only people I’m close to can call me Snezhana, and even that’s debatable.

I saw some other Hollow Guides filling out full details of their lives in case humanity gets almost completely wiped out because of the Hollows, so here I am doing it myself, let me start from the beginning…

The date was 7/12/insert the year here idek

I was created in a laboratory as part of a project, I don’t know the name of it.. I don’t know a lot about what happened in the lab. I just know that I was created as a test,  I remember waking up and the first thing I saw was Aster, my.. “brother”. I remember that he said “Hey, your name is Snezhana Volkova. And you’re my sister, okay?”

A long while after that, I grew up fast, like.. really, REAAAALLY fast, in like 5 months, I was 15, and Aster and my “father” were teaching me things, how to fight, how to shoot a gun, teaching me all about these things called “Hollow Sites”.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to know this or not, but I was made from a Hollow. Or— a Hollow Core. The things that power a Hollow Site, where all that Hollow Energy comes from. I guess that’s enough angsty teen backstory stuff now, let’s get to the good stuff!

————————

~Prestige Academy~

Virtual Angel Note; I’m not gonna put dates here cause I don’t even remember, all the days I spent at the Academy just blended together.

I had just turned like… 17? And my “father” sent me to the base of this organization called “Anti-Entropy”, for “training”, as if I haven’t been through enough training at home.. ugh. 

Of course I went anyways cause like.. the flip am I gonna do otherwise? Max out my avatar in games I’ve played a million times? Overdose on banana milk? Lmao, naurrr!~

I regret it. I should have stayed back, said no, run away, anything. 

At this place, the training was flippin’ HORRIFIC. Like I’ve played games like Resident Evil, watched anime like “Higurashi: When they Cry”, and this was worse. They forced up to swallow these pill things, I still don’t know what they did it what they were for, but we- everyone there did it without question, we’d be shot dead if we didn’t. 

They put us in shooting training, and hand to hand combat, technology stuff, as if I didn’t know how to use a Personal Computer or a handheld gun already.. 

And the highlight of it all, it was never safe. They ENCOURAGED shooting and killing your “classmates” in order to proceed up the ranks and eventually graduate. They starved us too, it was kinda scary, always having to be alert, but fr tho, COME AT ME BRO. Sorry the brainrot got to me, anyways, we got any food and our sleeping quarters was like a jail, like seriously if you want us to be productive then maybe give us an actual room?? Tf??

The food I could eat, I had to be really careful, another classmate could have poisoned it or something with hopes of offing me so they would be one point up the leaderboard, so I just didn’t eat, I ate like.. a thing or two that I was 10000% sure was safe. That’s about it. 

They sent us to these.. surgeries? Yeah, surgeries, one person would get certain things implanted or removed, like I remember seeing some string-like thing being removed from a classmate’s brain, maybe a worm?? I dunno, but like.. brother euuugghhhhhhhh.

 While a classmate was operated on, the rest of us watched. I remember people dropping like flies during the procedures, only to be dragged off and never seen or heard from again..

I’ll spare you, and myself because I don’t think I wanna talk about it anymore. 

————

~MEETING KARINA~

I will say that there was this girl, uhh… Karina Siling, she had already graduated from the academy, I guess that what you could call it. She was already like a teacher, I remember the first time I had a solo class with her, whenever I saw her around the academy, like passed by her, I always got such a weird vibe about her, like she was some anime villain or something, maybe it’s just because she’d been through a lot. Or maybe it was my head telling me to stay the hell away from her, either way, we met. Tbh, I was gonna say I was injured or sick or something so I couldn’t go, but I went anyways, and honestly, I’m glad I did!~ 

Karina was actually SHOCKINGLY kind, drastically different from the other instructors. She was in charge of one on one combat training, she was really good at her job, no wonder she already had a callsign, “Black Swan” is what they called her. But she said I could just call her “Karina” when around other people, and “unnie*” when it was just us. When I went to her class injured or malnourished or something, she’d give me a break and when asked about it, she’d tell the higher ups that I had been helping her.

Karina made my time at Prestige Academy much more bearable.. until she just.. disappeared???? Like what the flip Karina where did you go?? If you didn’t wanna teach me anymore you coulda just said so lmaoooo‼️‼️‼️

———-

~graduation~

KABOOM. I FUCKIN’ SURVIVED‼️‼️

Insert several years later, when was 18, I finally graduated from that hellhole, I still didn’t know what happened to Karina, but I didn’t have time to worry about that, I was FREE!-

Until I was assigned to literally LEAVE my HOME UNIVERSE and go to some place called “Yokohama”, in Japan, in a completely different universe! Like what the fuck man, you’re gonna send a 18 year old who only knows a lab and a shitty learning environment to a different universe??? Alone??? No wonder most of the instructors ain’t got families, they were fucking idiots! 

Anyways, since I didn’t have a choice because free will? What’s that? I was sent to Japan. I was supposed to like… scout the area for other LITERAL CHILDREN to bring back to Prestige Academy. 

Jokes on them because I just faked my death, found a video of some poor dude dying in a explosion and used some AI to replace the dude with myself and sent it back to base with a fake “Yo if you’re seeing this I fucking DIED because of a damn unsafe work environment. THIS IS ON YALL FRFR.”

Very convincing, right? AND YAY GOD IS REAL THEY FELL FOR IT‼️‼️

I was officially signed off as dead in Anti-Entropy’s eyes and I moved locations and decided to do whatever the heck I wanted in order to get money and such. I made my own new identity, and hacked government files in order to make myself a “actual person” in Japan, an Immigrant I guess you could say lmaoooo-

My government file had stuff like my name “Winter Volkova”, yes, my real name “Snezhana” is NON-EXISTENT BRO. I don’t want ANYONEEE to call me that name. You better address me as Winter or I’m leaving you on delivered lol

————

~Life in Yokohama~

Aight, so time skip a while, I set up a place for myself in an old warehouse on a part of town no one ever goes to and set up my PC, some RGBY lights and made the warehouse into a slay asf gaming/living place for myself. 

I made money by doing a bunch of jobs for people like making better filing softwares for some “Armed Detective Agency” and straight up faking or destroying government files or tracking down targets for a certain mafia.

One day, I was walking through the city headed back from buying my usual several gallons of banana milk and ramyeon and other foods, when I bumped into someone…

FUCKING KARINA SILING?? WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE?? OMGGG-

It was Karina‼️‼️ Turns out she had faked her death too and left Anti-Entropy, but she wasn’t able to tell me, she had joined some organization called the “World Serpent”, and she wanted me to join her, claiming that I could do whatever I wanted, like I’ve always been doing, but instead of living in a warehouse, I’d get to have my own room in a place where I’d get to come and go as I wanted, whenever I wanted. Seemed like a pretty sweet deal to be honest.. 

It was a pretty sweet deal, but giiiirrrll-

I’ve been living fine on my own, why would I WANT to tie myself down to a single organization? 

Karina said I could have some time to think about it, then I could call her. 

Throughout that week, she kept visiting me and bringing other members of this World Serpent to meet me, a young dude named Yuta Maus Sakuya, he was originally from where I am too, where he was a level 7 Hollow Guide with the callsign “Helix”, and then Karina brought a man named Vega Chase. He was the leader of the Yokohama branch of the World Serpent, and a Hollow Guide himself, he didn’t have a callsign though, he just called himself “Vega”, I guess because no one in their right mind would think a guy with a name like that was ACTUALLY named like that. 

A week after all that, I was like “yk what, YOLO.” And I joined the World Serpent!!! Yay‼️‼️‼️

As promised, I was allowed to come and go whenever I want, I did have to go through Hollow Guide training, but it was fun— and EASY. I got my own callsign, ‘Virtual Angel’ literally so slay, right? 

I guess that’s everything up to now. Damn, looking back, I only have one thing to say… Miss Creator, WHAT THE FLIP MAN?? WHO HURT YOU????

(@pleasepress1forfrontdesk WHABOOM)

[elvenbeard]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you so much for the tag and reminder @kharonion! :D Gonna tag @pinkyjulien @humberg @chevvy-yates @theviridianbunny cause I haven't been keeping up with tumblr much lately and would love to know what you're all doing atm if you wanna share 👀

As always, I got way too much stuff at once I'm doing, and apartment hunting is awful and really robbing me of my motivation, so I'm doing a lot of low-brain-effort stuff that calms my nerves at the moment really. Let's see...

VP Stuff

Currently working my way through my "Vince through the years series" :D Two posts out (2067, 2069), one drafted and still needs some text, the others are still a work in progress XD While 2067 was a bit about Vince's home life, 2069 about his transition and time in Kabuki, 2071 is gonna have a focus on Jackie 👀

I should have it ready in a few days :3

Art Stuff

I actually had a little drive to draw something lately :DD working a bit on the comic I teased the other week, slowly chipping away at the lineart, but really enjoying it so far, even though my process is slow!

First page lineart done (for now xD I might go back and fiddle more with it). I am... very tempted to paint the background, but I think I will for once settle for the easy approach and fill in my backgrounds with modified screenshots for this. Cause why tf not xD If professional manga artists can do it, so can I for my silly fancomic!

Writing Stuff

I started chapter 8 of Love is Stored in the Olive Jar and I know it's gonna be a difficult one cause I've really been building up to it and now I got the "you gotta deliver now!!" anxiety XD But I'm still looking forward to finally getting to Mr. B's solution for V's Sun-Ending problem 👀

“So, she got any final words of wisdom?” Kerry asked, fingers gently drumming on the steering wheel. They had swapped cars at home, and with what Rogue had just said now V wondered if it might not have been better after all to use Kerry’s Aerondight to get here… But then again, if shit hit the fan in some way, he didn’t want any unnecessary negative attention drawn to Kerry. “Not really,” V shook his head, “Nothin’ I didn’t think of already at least.” “Told ya so,” Kerry shrugged, pulling out his cigarettes and only paused when he noticed V’s stern stare. “Ah, fuck,” he mumbled and then got out of the car. They had not only swapped cars but changed clothes quickly while they were home. As he slipped from the driver’s seat, Kerry’s wide black bomber jacket rode up briefly, revealing the gun kept in the waistband of his cargopants. “You shouldn’t do that,” V said as he got out himself, “Posers in action films keep their gun in their pants. In the real world that’s gonna get you shot in the ass faster than you think.” V closed the passenger side door with his elbow, flinching slightly at the pain shooting through his shoulder and chest. He took a deep breath, adjusted his own gun holster worn snugly under his coat. “Fiiine,” Kerry sighed, lit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, and he put the gun into his jacket’s pockets. Not ideal still, but better. V smiled at him, and then slowly turned to look down the short, narrow side street they were parked in. They were close to the Santo Domingo district border, in the middle of the industrial area at the edges of the city. The location coordinates Mr. B had sent him lay not far ahead. A new, sleek white building, V guessed it around ten stories tall, rose at the center of what he remembered to be factory grounds formerly. It was far from imposing, a little bit lost on the large lot even, but it blended in well with the surrounding corpo complexes. The entire compound was fenced in, V spotted cameras and security turrets near the heavily secured entrance gate. No security staff though, not even mechs or drones, much to his surprise, at least not visibly out in the open.

Modding Stuff

I have a handful of things on the backburner... A very silly t-shirt (the replacer works already, but I wanna make it Archive XL!), band merch, and my custom hand holding poses... but with my anxiety-riddled brain wolvenkit is a bit too daunting at the moment, but I'm really looking forward to continuing all these projects :3

[analog-organism]

I'm always saying that I want to post about my writing and ocs more, so here is an intro for my two human characters in my tf fics:

Ana (she/her) is the main character of my long-form fic, "as light turns into day" on ao3. She's sweet, intelligent, and very autistic (my source is that I'm also autistic). In the fic, she finds a sparkling and is then enmeshed in his Autobot family.

This is Wren (any pronouns). They are the main character of my one-shot series called "tfp: wren" on ao3. He's been Ana's best friend since high school and stowed away with the Decepticons when the opportunity arose. They can be brash, but they're ultimately very caring and protective.

[bonesandthebees]

I am so mad rn I fell asleep at like 7 pm I didn't mean to I just woke up and was hoping it was at least like idk 3 am but NO it's 11:30 pm and im not tired enough to go back to sleep so now I have to choose to either stay awake and be on my phone or lay in the dark and hope that's enough to lull me to sleep and I'm pissed bc I have a full day ahead tomorrow and I'm not asleep right now so I'm going to be miserable in the morning but I'm not staying at my house rn so my body is doing the weird thing it does when you stay at a friends house and it's weird about sleeping and I kind of wanna hurl myself off of a cliff rn and my phone is lagging as I write this out and it's pidssing me off even more

But yes I enjoyed the one shot I don't remember its name right now but the qsmp one it was very good and I loved the ichor children concept that's so cool :)

Oh anon I’m so sorry as someone who has dealt with anxiety-induced insomnia to the point where I had to get therapy for it I know the frustration with not being able to fall asleep. Currently my go to solution whenever I’m not tired and can’t sleep is the anxiety meds I got prescribed for that exact issue lol, but obviously you can’t do that so here are my tips

If possible, find some melatonin or at least see if you have chamomile tea. If you don’t have either of those, what usually works for me is to turn on a long YouTube video on my phone and just watch until I get sleepy. Old vods are always a good option if you want something to be interested in, but it’s probably better to watch them from a calmer cc (Niki had a super long let’s play series where she played a story game called beyond two souls and I used to listen to that whenever I had trouble sleeping).

My current go to for sleepy videos are either ASMR videos (but I know those aren’t everyone’s tastes), or two specific channels: Baumgartner Restoration or NileRed. Baumgartner is the channel of an art conservator who makes long and very detailed videos showing his conservation and restoration process for paintings clients send him. It’s so fascinating to watch, and his voice is really calming at the same time. I literally turn on a video of his every night before I sleep and rarely get more than 5 minutes into it before I’m passing out. NileRed is a slightly more…energized channel of a guy who does a lot of weird and cool chemistry! His voice is also really even-toned and calming to listen to, but the main reason his stuff helps me sleep is the minute he starts explaining ochem concepts I knock tf out. I did a full years worth of ochem in college it’s like an instinctual reaction to want to pass out hearing it again 😭

Anyway. Find some videos like the ones I suggested—preferably at least 45 min or longer. Just watch it and try to focus on the content rather than the fact that you can’t sleep. If you start getting sleepy, great! If you’re unsure but you’re kind of tired, try closing your eyes and just listening to the video. I’ve fallen asleep like that so many times before it’s my last resort method

Hope that helps!

(oh and last note: if you can't fall asleep again, try to remind yourself that's okay. the more you stress about not being able to sleep, the worse it'll get. even just laying in your bed with your eyes shut will help you feel more rested.)

[mavspeed]

I won’t lie I haven’t exactly been doing too many deep dives into the tag, but these are Recent-ish Bangers, in my humble (but 100% correct) opinion:

- You are my life, my pride, my joy by Neoptolemos on ao3 - Icemav are raising young Bradley, who wishes on a star for a younger sibling. Not A/B/O, is an mpreg but it’s really, really sweet. That being said if pregnancy is a squick, I would tread elsewhere

- you got the peaches, I got the cream by Saturn on ao3 - Mav, Goose, and Carole own a bakery, Ice owns the heart of a true simp and a pilot’s license. Super cute one-shot

- today, again, and tomorrow by Lacerta - fellas, is it gay to get stuck in a multi-day time loop with ur rival? Asking for everyone’s favourite disaster aviators. Admittedly, I am the target audience on this one, given that I go bonkers for any time travel trope known to man, but I recommend this one for everyone bc it SLAPS slaps AND GOOSE LIVES (eventually)

- ICE - In Case of Emergencies by thenofutureshoe on ao3 - to be fair I don’t know if this one counts as recent perse, since it has been going since November, but I love it so much that I don’t even care. Is it obvious that the top gun fandom has turned me into an exes to lovers stannie?? Is it??? (Ice and Mav are exes. Mav ends up in the hospital. Ice is still Mav’s emergency contact. Hoo BOY.)

- Watch his Six by Shearmouth on ao3 - I know it’s not technically icemav but it’s pre icemav. the universe itself (the authors notes) told me. Safe to say, I am never getting over this fic!! Mav gets Beat TF Up following Hop 31, and with Goose out of commission, Ice and Slider step up to the plate!! This fic has everything: the whump!! The pining!! The Goose living!! The Ice introspection!! The protective Slider!! That’s what it’s all about, baby!!

- additional rewards earned by mavissed on ao3 - IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE ON THIS LIST, READ THIS ONE. Ice is a waiter at TGI Fridays. Mav is a reporter testing just how far their unlimited appetizers thing goes. Somehow, this forms the beginning of what I can only imagine will be a beautiful relationship, and what I do know is hands down the best crack the top gun fandom has to offer. I nearly peed myself while reading this and I have no regrets.

- the Back Full Of Scars Series by CaptainTucker and Wingwyrm on ao3 - Set in an au where corporal punishment is the norm in the military circa the 1980s, and Mav has an unfortunate habit of being designated as the go-to whipping boy. It hurts so bad AND so good. The Cain in this is probably my second most-hated in the entire fandom, the whump is delicious, and the protective everybody??? Oh yeah, that’s what it’s all about.

- Flowers For Sale By Owner by aelibia on ao3 - Mav gets hanahaki disease. Mav intentionally exacerbates the symptoms of the said hanahaki disease to sell his lung flowers for money. Goose and Ice both think Mav is an idiot. They are Right (it’s so funny. It’s so damn funny).

- By Night, My Love, Tie Your Heart to Mine by SOBERHYUCK on ao3 - And they were bunkmates! (Oh my god, they were bunkmates)

- Summer Rain by TunaSupremacy on ao3 - au where Ice and Mav didn’t go to top gun together, but did do the Layton rescue. Years down the line, they have to get into a fake relationship for Military Reasons. It’s only three chapters in, but the au is super intriguing and I’m very excited to see where they go with it :)

Honourable mentions go to the as lions update by qin-ling. Is it recent? No. Does it slap? Yes. Am I telling everyone I know about it? Also yes.

Pls enjoy my offerings lmao. I am in a foreign country where I know nobody, and have way too much time on my hands :D

OOOHHH thank you so much!! yeah I’m familiar with some of these I actually love watch your six and as lions omg although I haven’t been keeping up with the most recent updates ☹️☹️ but I’ll def check the rest out!

[tomionefinds]

Hi are there any good holiday tomione fics? Love this account btw!

Hey Anon,

Thanks for the love! You sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole with this one. There's also a ton of drabbles/gift exchange fics I had to leave off because this list was already so long. Without further ado;

Happy Holidays from the TF Team! -JD

Holiday Fics:

The Hogwarts Christmas Orb by NerysDax

E/Ma | Complete | 31k

Christmas is a time of peace and joy, and most of all, presents. Do Tom and Hermione get what they want or what they need?

Eternity's Crown by WildKitsune

E/Ma | Complete | 11k

Eternity’s Crown in the final installment of the Year’s Wheel series. It is a sequel to Dark God. Yule has come, and it is a perfect time for new beginnings. Hermione gets pulled into yet another pureblood rite that she knows will end in her marriage to the most dangerous wizard who ever lived.

Within Entropy by NoFootprintsInSand

E/Ma | One Shot | 7k

“Why are you doing this?” he whispers into the tangles of her hair. “What is your plan?”

She runs a finger along the part that she has just discovered is her very favourite place in the contained world of him: the soft slope where hip meets groin. She considers his question with all the seriousness it is due, and she gives him honesty disguised as a jest:

“Solve the equations, kill you.”

He laughs, and she smiles down at him.

Twelve Days of Christmas by AnonymousPresence

G | Complete | 9k

Tom Riddles tries to woo Professor Granger over the holidays.

Odd one out by Keriwi1

T+ | Complete | 29k

From all the Weasley brothers, there is one that sticks out the most. With his dark, black hair, deep brown eyes and fair white skin, Tom Marvolo Weasley doesn't look at all like the rest of the family. On top of that he was the only one that ended up in Slytherin… is there more to him than meets the eye?

Binary Systems by StBridgit

NR | One Shot | 10k

Just one Christmas all together, then they’d be safely off to Asia. Hermione could do that, couldn’t she? If only Harry hadn’t insisted on going to Godric’s Hollow. If only she had dared to apparate there. If only the Dark Lord wasn’t so mesmerizing…so wicked…and too damn clever for her own good…

Fine Line Between Love and Hate by AshJuillet

T+ | One Shot | 4k

Tom and Hermione hate each other, but when a drunk Hermione confesses her love for him at the office New Year's Eve party, Tom doesn't know how to react. AU.

12 days of Christmas by weestarmeggie

M | One Shot | 3k

Tom Hates Christmas. Hermione is determined to make him fall in love with her favourite holiday. AU, pure FLUFF like seriously your teeth will rot.

Don't Smile At Me by WillowRose16506

G | Complete | 21k

Hermione Granger's life is turned upside-down when she quite literally crashes into a devilishly handsome Tom Riddle. With his snide comments and maddeningly sharp wit, Hermione finds she may have finally met her match. non-magic AU. Hermione/Riddle, Ron/Luna.

A Soulmate for Christmas by spearmintgreen

M | WIP | 22k

Tom discovers that Christmas isn't as awful as he thought. It's worse. Silly Tomione Christmas/soulmate AU. OOCish.

The Boy I Met in the Room of Requirement by sakshich198326

G | WIP | 16k

After a spoiled Yule Ball, Hermione badly requires something the Room of Requirement is quite happy to supply. Meanwhile, Tom is upto his ears in illegal dark magic that unknowingly draws his soulmate to him.[Tomione]. Teenaged Tom and Hermione.

don't kiss me under the mistletoe by Nekositting

E/Ma | One Shot | 3k

Being placed on the naughty list can come with an array of consequences, and sometimes, far steeper than a sack of coal.

The Quartet of Helpers by Mariico

G | WIP | 13k

Hermione gets to chose four people to help her deliver presents on Christmas Eve. The motivation? Each person who is selected receives a wand, an object that only the people in the Ministry are allowed to have.

Slug Club Christmas Party by alex-hp7

M | One Shot | 5k

Hermione who finds herself in the past, in Tom Riddle's last year at Hogwarts, and she's sorted into Ravenclaw. She has to attend Slug Club Christmas Party with none other than Tom Riddle. How does it end? Read and find out ;). Warning: don't read it if you're not into smut that makes no sense.

Christmas and Cupcakes by doorstepofdoom

G | One Shot |3k

Maybe getting stuck in the Hogwarts kitchen with the Head Boy wasn't Hermione's smartest plan. But she could always blame the Firewhiskey.

Northern Lights by crochetaway

M | One Shot | 2k

Hermione and Tom vacation in Svalbard, Norway to see the Northern Lights for the holidays.

Two Golden Rings by MelCrooks

T+ | One Shot | 2k

Lord Voldemort feels it is time for Hermione to leave his home. However, she has plans of her own.

Ringing In Christmas by articcat621

E/Ma | WIP | 1k

They ring the holiday in their own way.

Imagine Us by pearconfident

T+ | One Shot | 1k

No one gets under Hermione's skin quite like the Head Boy, Tom Riddle. But what happens when a few weeks before the annual Yule Ball, he pulls her into a classroom and asks her a very unexpected question?

“Happy Christmas, Tom” by Leahnae

T+ | One Shot | 1k

Hermione and Tom spend Christmas break at Hogwarts

The Hunt by orphan_account

E/Ma | One Shot | 4k

Pine.

Fresh. Crisp. Nostalgic.

Even with a recent coating of snow, lingering flakes still floating in the air, the scent was unmistakable. Hermione cherished the aroma more so than most others. She supposed cedar might top it, simply because her two favorite men donned the scent so regularly. However, the fresh fragrance of pine would always hold a special place deep within her heart.

But this forest and the Austrian pines were, by far, her favorite.