#one of those electric plate thingies

[elibean]

My canon-compliant ass is so picky with my lc fics, but one thing that always makes me pause is when fics will have them cooking or something

BITCH WHERE

[wandering-ghost]

As promised for the @rottmnt-au-summit I wrote how Mikey meet little Godzilla! Enjoy! (Meme art is in development, some issues just came up so it may take a while, sorry.)

(Will soon be posted on my Ao3)

“Ow!” Mikey cried as his body was sent crashing against the wall, slowly slumping down as gravity took its course. A low groan escaped his lips as he finally hit the ground on achy limbs.

The events that lead to this current situation was not his fault this time. His brothers, best friend, and him were simply having a fun cannonball night. It was Raph who caught sight of the strange dog thingy and it was April who jumped into the portal to save said dog thingy from two weird mutants. His brothers and him then found a way to enter said portal and landed themselves in a strange hidden city under New York. April led them to where they took the creature and found new weapons to replace their old ones, now they were fighting a guy who’s name he already forgot about but made purple vines come out of the ground. Their mission to save the dog thingy wasn’t going really well with their admittedly poor attempt at fighting. But his brothers, or at least those who could still fight, weren’t giving up, so neither would he!

He was about to jump back into action to join his brother until something caught his eye.

A tiny reptilian looking creature was laying around a pile of rubble with green goo still dripping off it, it seemed to have been mutated alongside the fish man with a spiky body and plates along its spine. It was unusually small if the goat man wanted to use it for his evil plans.

Mikey slowly made his way towards the creature, kneeling down and poking it. The creature shifted a little before looking up at him with a curious stare. Mikey’s heart clenched at how adorable it was, “hey little guy,” he said, holding a finger out to see if he could touch it, “what are you?”

The creature sniffed his finger cautiously before churring and rubbing itself against him. Mikey giggled as it showcased its affection, scratching it under the chin with the little guy’s tail thumping against the floor.

“You’re adorable,” Mikey said, picking it up gently and holding it up to him, “why don’t you come with me yeah? It’ll be lots of fun I promise.” The creature simply tilted its head before chirping and snuggling alongside Mikey’s hands.

“Mikey!” Mikey jumped when he heard his name being called, he clutched the lizard thing to his chest and looked back to see his brother’s butts being handed to them by the goat man.

Mikey floundered around trying to find a spot to hide the lizard thing before giving up and risking his safe space. It’s at times like these he wished he carried around a pouch like Leo. “Ah fine!” He exclaimed, he gently placed the lizard thing in the space between his shell and shoulder, making sure it wasn’t extremely uncomfortable for him nor the creature.

When he found the placement satisfactory he rushed back into the fight, swinging around his brand new weapon aiming for the goat man but the fire demon inside the weapon had other plans and went off trajectory. Mikey tried to yell out a warning but it was too late and he crashed into Donnie, entangling them together, and dragging him around too.

“You fight like untrained buffoons, but under me, you could become true warriors!” The goat man exclaimed before shooting out a web of vines at them. Mikey ended up entangled with Donnie but the pressure against his shell and the lizard thing squished in there with spikes and claws was starting to hurt. “We don’t spend enough quality time together.” He said, nuzzling Donnie to try and distract himself. “Oh, please not now, Mikey.” Donnie huffed. “How are we going to save the dog thingy now?” April asked, “Donnie’s on it.” Donnie said, bringing his goggles down to inspect the area. His visors' alarms blared as the lab sparked with electricity.

“Wait a second!” Donnie exclaimed, Mikey yelped as the lizard thingy’s claws dug into his scales but he covered it up as shock from the sight of the lab. “Turtles, why are you trying to stop my plans? We are all in this together!” The goat man said, “Ah, hey, I don’t know if this is part of your plan, but the lab’s about to explode.” Donnie stated as they try to wiggle away from the now dangerous lab.

The goat man looked up to see the start of the explosion, mumbling something mikey couldn’t hear and was covered by a giant rock that landed in front of him. If he witnessed a death he’s going to pretend he didn’t.

“Little guy, can you do your thing and get us out of here?” April asked the dog thingy as they tried to break free, the thing yipped and teleported them out the building and next to the wall and brought them to the city.

Mikey drew out the symbol quickly and a portal opened, his family and him quickly entered and reappeared in the glorious city that is New York once again.

Mikey watched the little device break as it escaped his grasp, “oh no! Splinter’s doohickey!” He exclaimed, getting up and shifting his shoulder a bit to allow the reptile thing more space.

“Man,” April said, stretching her back as the dog thingy popped up and she caught it, “are you okay, boy? Or girl? You sure were good through all that mayhem. Hey mayhem! That’s a cute name.” She cooed. “We just defeated a boss villain. We’re heroes!” Raph said, striking a pose, all of them following suit. “We deserve a name like Mad Dogs.” “Mad Dogs?” Leo questioned, breaking character first. “You don’t think something like Ninja Mutant Turtle Teens or… I don’t know maybe - maybe we’ll keep brainstorming.”

A mosquito flew past them all before hundreds more came from the portal. “Huh, that can’t be good.” Donnie said. “We should go, people’s blinds are starting to open.” Leo noted as the sun started to rise. They all ran to their prospective homes, they waved April goodbye as she ran to her apartment complex and they located the nearest manhole to the sewers.

Mikey quickly ran to his room after hugging his brothers goodnight and ignoring Donnie saying it was morning. He zipped his curtains closed and quickly scooped the lizard thing out of his shell and into his hand. He sighed in relief to see it was relatively unharmed, the little guy looked around Mikey’s room in curiosity. “Hmmmm, what are you?” Mikey questioned, the lizard thing squeaked at him, wagging its tail before nibbling his finger. Mikey chuckled, “Welp! I have no idea what species you are, but from watching Wild Kratts and the documentaries donnie has made me watch, I can only guess you eat meat, maybe I’ll test to see if you can eat fruits and veggies too!” Mikey said, scratching the little guy who churred in delight.

Mikey looked around his room, trying to find something that inspired a name for the little guy before something caught his eye. An abstract painting he worked on inspired by, “Picasso!” Mikey exclaimed, “that’s what I’ll call you! Picasso! What do you think, little guy?” Picasso chirped in delight. Mikey giggles and spun around with Picasso in his hands, “we’ll have so much fun together, just you wait pico! You’ll love it here!”

Pico squeaked, chirping and churring in return to Mikey’s excitement. “Now, how do I hide you from my family?”

[turbofanatic]

After too many years I've finally realized I can have my nice aesthetic pictures with a short description, plus my enormous background writings by reblogging later. Will wonders never cease.

Various tidbits below cut:

Tiny's armor has been difficult, because I'm trying to combine the Hero's Shade armor with something semi-plausible AND make the aesthetic fit into the world. It's hard! For one thing, his armor looks like no other armor in the game, where did he get it? Odds are pretty good that the developers just put some cool stuff on a reskinned darknut and called it a day, but I am here to overthink things. I'm using some Etruscan influences to distinguish it from Hyrule Kingdom armor (also using Etruscan influences for Ikana... hmmm).

It's probably pretty obvious by now, but the Fierce Deity's Mask just gave young Tiny the abilities of himself as an adult. It's symbolic of him *actually* growing up instead of that weird stunted thing that came out of a seven year coma. People comment a lot on him being unnaturally pretty in Ocarina of Time, but I do creepy better than pretty so OoT adult Link is a weird test tube prettyboy because Fi Just used the prior guy as a blueprint. Sorry dude. She couldn't change his wonderful nose though. Anyways it's interesting that both the fierce deity form and the Hero's Shade are enormous dark-magic aligned armored warriors that shoot projectiles out of their sword even when not at full health! Coincidence?! Probably yes, but not for Bad Moon!

Okay, for Fuzzbutt we have to talk about the mask first. I'm using Celtic inspiration for the Kokiri, and since Ordon is clearly a reference to them they also get the Celtic inspiration (them and the light spirits). So I referenced several Celtic brooches for this.

Originally I had it so that Fuzzbutt could turn into a wolf at will, but that's not really how it works in-game (which involves using the shadow crystal with Midna's help). Now he's both scarred by the wolf transformations making him a very wolfy hylian, and prone to transforming in large concentrations of dark magic (good news though! Dark magic doesn't hurt him!) which is very annoying but heeeeey he's got a great-great-great (???) grampy that knows how to turn curses into masks sooooooo...

I'm thinking Righty's armor (based largely on the hylian armor set) is a padded gambeson (this poor guy is so skinny, they need all the padding they can get) underneath chain mail, underneath something akin to a 1950's hockey sweater. Those things are tough. I've removed the weird leather breast-plate thingy because it just looked uncomfortable to me.

Righty is carrying so many weapons! Lots are modified. They include Sheikah throwing knives, a Zonai electric sword fixed up by Purah, and a Zora sword gifted from king Sidon. Awwww. It's funny to imagine the big fish still being extremely supportive of this walking cyborg corpse because Hylians all look kind odd to him anyways.

I'm removing most of the back scabbards, because it's difficult to pull swords from them. Exceptions include some odd open-scabbard designs (for exotic swords that do not need oiling and cleaning) and Tiny can hold stuff with his vines. It's a cool party trick.

Feel free to ask questions, I don't intend to go as far as making a comic with Bad Moon, but I've put a lot of (too much) thought into it.

I'm also changing some of the lore around, so if you see something that contradicts earlier stuff, I probably changed my mind! I do that! I'm not being paid for this and I don't care!

You're not human anymore.

You're not human anymore.

Your eyes go black electric blue.

The animal inside of you.

-elegant slims

[alohajun]

♡ DEATH OF ME — CHOI HYUNSUK

hyunsuk x fem!reader | wc : 1.4k words | content : possible grammar and spelling mistakes, lowercase intended, established relationship au, kinda suggestive, hickeys, mentions of morning after, the hyung + middle line being teasing bullies, crack-fluff (?), slight cursing | request : hii can i request since your request is open? could you please write park jihoon / choi hyunsuk (icannotchoose) morning after please? maybe you're making breakfast and the members saw your hickeys or else, and they are start teasing you. and he woke up and gave you kisses at your neck and it tickles and the members making faces. idk i am imagining let it fun yet fun making angry either from the two leaders

“it’s a national holiday, y/n. hush, and go back to sleep!”

hyunsuk whined, wrapping his arms around you tightly as he tried to keep you still. however, you were adamant about getting up, so with a big sigh, your boyfriend moved his hands away, letting you move freely.

“just because the country is having a holiday doesn’t mean my stomach is, hyunsuk,” you complained.

“i know … so let’s order in. what do you want? i’m kinda craving french toast. what about you, babe?” hyunsuk inquired, grabbing his phone as he went on the delivery app, wanting to order breakfast.

“it’s a national holiday, idiot. all restaurants and stores open in the afternoon.”

“oh, fuck.”

you laughed, pointing at yourself. “i can make french toast, though,” you stated, looking confused. “are you doubting my skills, mr choi?”

“not your skills, baby.” hyunsuk shook his head shyly, smiling. “but do you have the strength to walk after last night? you don’t have to make breakfast if you are not feeling well.”

“pfft, of course, i have the strength! i am completely alright.” you scoffed, standing up from the bed, only to fall back at the pain you felt in your legs. “okay … maybe ten more minutes in bed won't hurt.”

“i thought so too. now come here.”

after gathering all the strength you needed to make breakfast, you freshened up, changing into one of hyunsuk’s shirts and sweatpants. you greeted a sleepy junkyu and haruto on your way to the kitchen, finding them adorable in their half-awake state.

“are you making breakfast?” yoshi asked, making you smile at his early morning enthusiasm. “i’ll help. just tell me what to do.”

“you guys had those electric griddle thingies, right? set them up and we can start!” you ordered, working on making the egg wash for coating the bread.

both of you worked together to make most of the breakfast until the boys came from the other dorms, helping however they could. mashiho offered to help with the cooking, while jihoon plated the finished toasts, handing them to the others who ate it.

“wah, y/n, this is amazing!”

“this tastes great!”

“you should’ve helped us make the princcicity toast too, y/n!”

you laughed at their comments, feeling full yourself as you watched the boys eat the food you prepared for them. amongst the large breakfast banquet, hyunsuk trudged into the kitchen, blinking rapidly as he saw the congregation.

“toast party, huh?” he murmured, making space for the members who searched for seats to enjoy their breakfast. “come on, kids. no standing and eating! how many times do i have to say that?” hyunsuk scolded with a kind smile that betrayed his nagging words.

the endless french toast preparation finally ended, with only you and jihoon being the ones left to eat. you plated jihoon’s share before turning to the pantry cupboard, trying to search for the one with the extra plates.

“y/n, the second one!”

“bottom shelf!”

“on your right!”

all the boys had their eyes on you, snickering to themselves as they saw you struggle to find the exact spot. “this one, right?” you checked, stretching your arm as you opened the door, causing your (well, hyunsuk’s) shirt to go up.

in an instant, the room went silent as their gazes landed on the trail of bruises from the waistband of your sweatpants and up your stomach. the maknae line turned around on their seats, showing their backs and continuing to munch on their breakfast as if they saw nothing.

hyunsuk furrowed his brows at the sudden silence, not noticing what was wrong as he was more focused on your struggle with the plates. but as soon as he saw the pink faces of some members and followed their gazes, hyunsuk quickly stood from his seat, getting you a plate as he held down your shirt.

“even though i had fun giving you hickeys, it’s not that fun when the kids see it,” he grumbled, tucking your shirt under your pants to prevent further slipups. “for now, just pretend like nothing happened. play it cool.”

“doesn’t hyunsuk-hyung know we can hear him?”

“you heard him. pretend like nothing happened.”

“what happened? i don’t know, nan molla.”

you grimaced, unable to meet any of their eyes as you awkwardly ate your breakfast. none of them spoke about what they saw, and even brought up another topic of conversation, but you knew it was only temporary.

as soon as the maknaes go, i am done for.

“we are off to spend our free day playing games, so if you need us, we won't be able to make it,” jeongwoo announced, getting nods from the game-playing hyungs.

“i’ll come with!” you tried inviting yourself, getting snickers from the older members since they knew why you were trying to run away. “i want to play too.”

haruto scrunched his face. “sorry, y/n … it’s a four-player team, and we are already four,” he apologised, looking at junghwan for help.

“i can just watch, yeah?”

“just spend your time with hyunsukkie-hyung,” doyoung urged, patting your shoulder before he left with the others.

now i am really done for.

you maintained a blank expression on your face as you finished the rest of your food in two bites. taking your plate to the sink, you saw jihoon expectantly looking at hyunsuk, his chin resting on his hands.

oh, no. that’s the teasing face.

“wah, now i know why hyunsuk-hyung bought those sound-proofing foam thingies last week,” jihoon remarked loudly, standing behind you as he pretended to come to wash his dish as well.

“jihoon-ah ..” hyunsuk trailed off, coming to the very place you hurried to excuse yourself from the teasing. but no, everyone has to gather in the kitchen. “i didn’t–”

“they work really well. i didn’t hear a thing,” junkyu added, vouching as his room was right next to hyunsuk’s. “i mean i’m assuming it worked, because they can't possibly be quiet when they–”

you internally sobbed, repeatedly washing the same dish as you prayed for them to leave the kitchen. “kim junkyu!” hyunsuk exclaimed, unable to believe what the younger members were teasing him about.

“dang, i should get some of those sound-proofing foam thingies too,” yedam commented, getting looks from his hyungs. “then i don’t have to worry about waking the others when i work on music at night. obviously, not to do what y/n and hyunsukkie-hyung did because–”

you kept the plate down, turning around as you looked at the others. “hyunsuk and i fucked. that’s what you wanted to hear, right? we fucked. happy now?” you spoke, smiling sarcastically as you saw jihoon with a teasing look on his face. “i don’t really mind you guys talking about that, but for a bunch of single guys, it wouldn’t be the most ideal topic of conversation.” you pretended as if it didn’t bother you, hoping the reverse psychology would work.

and thank goodness, it did.

their teasing grins were wiped off their faces at your words, realising what they were teasing you two about. you maintained your nonchalant act as you left the kitchen, with hyunsuk following you to his room.

he held back a laugh, watching you lock the doors before falling into the bed, stuffing your face into a pillow as you screamed, letting out your true feelings. after screaming for a minute, hyunsuk intervened, taking a seat next to you as he tried to comfort you.

“baby, are you–”

“no, hyunsuk! i am not okay. never was okay, but with the way things turned out, i never will be either.” you exploded on your boyfriend, your face burning red. “that was embarrassing, suk. i’m not stepping afoot into your dorm ever again. remind me to not accept your offers to stay the night either. oh, hell no. never again.”

“do you really think i’m going to remind you to not accept my offers to stay over?”

“that’s a valid point. i’ll just remind myself.”

hyunsuk chuckled, nodding to himself. “do you have any plans for the day? we have nothing to do,” he inquired, making you suspicious since he looked at you weirdly.

“not really. what about you?” you shook your head, shrugging. “have anything to do?”

“i was thinking … maybe a repeat of last night.”

it was reasonable enough that hyunsuk got hit by a pillow multiple times, courtesy of you. he deserved it, especially after not really doing anything when his members were teasing you two about your late-night activities.

“i don’t know what to do with you, choi hyunsuk. you are going to be the death of me.”

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[ruthoakenshield]

Very Good Friends (Chapter 10)

Catch up here: [Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8]  [Chapter 9]

Reader x Henry Cavill, Reader x co-star named Dan

Warning: This tale is for 18+ readers ONLY!!!  Mentions of flashbacks: (rape, anal sex, non-con sex, abuse), severe bruising and injury, mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression, humiliation, and some fluff to make us feel better. Smut comes later on  in the story… Several chapters down the road… I promise!!!

If ANY  of the warnings upset you or make you uncomfortable, DO NOT read below  the cut! go find something else to read in this case.

If you are okay with reading those things then enjoy the tale below the cut.

Feedback and reblogs are appreciated. I do not own Henry nor do I have any personal knowledge of him besides what is common knowledge amongst the Cavillary. Any mistakes and typos are mine, story is not beta-tested. GIF I got from the tumbler search thingy.

**********

Henry takes the bacon out of the oven and shuts it off. Placing it on a couple of potholders on the counter to cool. Henry then goes to the stereo and turns the volume down so he can hear you calling if you need him for any help. He goes back to the kitchen and looks up a pancake batter recipe. He checks to make sure he has all the ingredients and then goes about mixing it up.

Once he has the pancake batter mixed he pours it into an empty squeeze bottle with a nozzle and then mixes up the eggs, milk and cheese for the omelets he pours it into the hot skillet and then puts crumbled bacon and the peppers, onion and garlic mix into it as well. He adds more cheese and then flips it closed.

Henry makes two delicious smelling and yummy looking fluffy omelets. He puts them on the plates with foil over the top to keep them warm. Then he makes the slider pancakes. He quickly has a dozen for each of you and figures that’s enough. Putting the cap on the bottle, he puts it in the fridge and then covers the two plates with foil and shuts the burners off.

Henry goes to check on you and finds you sobbing in the bathroom as you sit on the toilet. Henry’s smile fades when he sees you sobbing, and he rushes to you. “Kitten? Honey, what’s the matter?” he asks as he holds your face. “It hurts! It hurts so bad to pee!” you cry. He pulls you into his chest and he holds you. “I’m sorry, Sweetheart. I’m sure that area was inflamed by his activities too. Do you want me to call the Doctor and see what he wants us to do?” he asks you. You nod.

“Honey, are you able to pee at all?” he asks. “Yeah, it just really, really burns and hurts.” You tell him. “Okay, Sweetheart. You gonna be able to finish getting ready?” he asks. You nod. “I’ll try.” You tell him, tears still trickling down your cheeks. He wipes them away with his thumbs. “I wish I could take all this pain away from you, Honey. I know it hurts a lot. Don’t give up, though, okay? You give up, he wins.” Henry says, looking into your pale blue looking eyes. “I’ll call the Doctor.” He tells you. You nod.

Henry heads for the kitchen and grabs the pill bottle with the antibiotic in it. He looks for the phone number for the Doctor and calls it. The nurse answers and Henry explains who he is and why he is calling. “She is in a LOT of pain this morning and says it hurts and burns really, really bad when she pees.” He says.

She tells him to hang on and she will get the doctor. He gets on the phone and talks with Henry. He asks Henry to bring you back in right away, and they will check for a bladder infection. “If it’s hurting that bad and she has been taking the antibiotics as prescribed, she may need a stronger one if the bladder got irritated or infected. Sometimes it happens when there’s prolonged sex going on and bacteria gets into the urethra and makes their way to the bladder. Or the walls can become inflamed just from the constant friction, which can cause pain and burning sensations.

When you get here, have the nurse get me right away and I’ll check her and get tests run.” He tells Henry. Henry thanks him and hangs up. Luckily, he made sure you were taking your meds as prescribed, so he is pretty sure you’re gonna need a stronger antibiotic.

He goes back to check on you and you’re hunched over the sink trying to wash your face, grimacing from the pain. Henry sees you and comes to help you. “Here, Sweetheart, let me help.” He says. You nod and sit back down on the toilet, so it hurts less. He washes your face for you and brushes your hair. You sigh and thank him.

“Do you think you can walk, Kitten?” Henry asks. You shake your head. He comes over and gently picks you up and carries you over to the dinette. He gently sets you on the chair and then goes to get your breakfast. He places it in front of you with butter and syrup, water and your meds. He grabs his plate, and some OJ and sits across from you.

“Doc says to bring you back in as soon as we can. He thinks you probably have a bladder infection from Dan fucking you for so long. Said it probably irritated the walls of your bladder and such. Said he’ll run some tests and will probably give you some stronger antibiotics.” He tells you. You nod and eat your food.

“Thank you, Bear, for letting me stay here and for taking care of me.” You whisper. Henry remembers your throat is still sore and he gets up and kisses your cheek. ‘That’s what friends do, Sweetheart. They take care of each other.” He tells you as he pulls a travel mug from the cabinet. He heats up some water in the electric kettle and then puts a honey and lemon tea bag into the travel mug and pours the hot water into it. Henry lets it steep for a few minutes then pulls the tea bag out and tosses it in the garbage. He snaps the lid on the mug and hands it to you.

“Kitten, how did you sleep last night? I noticed you crawled in with me in your little burrito again. Did you have another nightmare?” he asked. You shook your head. “I just didn’t feel as safe laying on the couch by myself. So I came and curled up next to you. For once, I didn’t have any nightmares.” You whisper.

Henry gives you a warm smile. “Well, I’m glad you feel safe enough with me to do that with me, Kitten.” He tells you. You nod and stuff another piece of omelet in your mouth.

After a few moments, Henry asks you, “Kitten, would you like to try a self-defense class or drawing to help you cope with what you’ve been through?” You shrug. “I’m not much of an artist. I suppose we could go watch the two classes she recommended. I don’t know.” You mumble and look down.” “Honey, if you don’t want to do it, that’s okay. I just thought it would be good for you to see what some of your options are. Who knows, maybe something will spark an interest.” He tells you.” You shrug.

“I’ll call and see if we can come observe. A few of the classes for each. If you don’t want to try it, that’s fine. At least you had a look to see if it was something you might like.” He says. “Okay.” You tell him then take your meds with the water.

You shiver a bit and Henry asks if you’re cold. You nod. “It’s chilly in here this morning.” You tell him quietly. He nods. “Yeah. I’ll have maintenance come turn on the furnace today while we’re gone.” He tells you and grabs his phone.

Henry makes a few calls while the two of you eat, and Maintenance says they’ll be over in an hour to check the furnace and get it going for you. He thanks them then calls the two martial art studios the counselor recommended. They agree to come let the two of you observe a couple of classes to see if its something you’d like to try and tell Henry to just come when the two of you have free time. No appointment needed. He thanks them both as well.

Henry looks over at you while you are finishing eating. You look exhausted. Your skin is paler than usual, and your cheeks are slightly flushed. The bruising on your neck and chest is dark but is starting to turn green and yellow around the edges. He reaches across and puts a hand on your forehead. It feels a little warmer than usual and he suspects you have a low-grade fever.

Henry caresses your face, and you sigh and lean into his hand for a moment and close your eyes enjoying his touch. “We’ll get you through this, Kitten. I know you aren’t feeling well right now. Hopefully the Doc can figure out why you’re hurting so bad and get you something to make you feel better.” He tells you quietly. You nod, and he lets go of your face. “Come on, now, finish up and we’ll go get you dressed and head out.” He encourages.

More chapters to come…

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[sapphicomenn]

WELCOME TO MY THOUGHTS WHILE REWATCHING THE MCU IN TIMELINE ORDER: THE AVENGERS

“the tesseract has awakened” oh you mean the glowy cube from captain america AND captain marvel? THAT glowly cube?? cool looking stairs- ew who tf are you? the grim reaper??

what the fuck is a chitauri and why does it sound like sea food. “a world will be his. the universe, yours.” STOP BLAMING THE PRONOUN GAME AND GIVE ME NAMES FFS

ooo shield base. “not a drill.” oh shits going down- COULSON. FUURRRYYY FUCK YEAH. the best marvel characters are here the movie has peaked- oldman from thor is here?? intoresting. and who the hell is this woman tryna question fury??

the glowy cube is a shE???????? HUH??????? oh hey its hawkeye the badass archer guy. oh shit things are going down. the cube is sparking and swirling??- IT OPENED A PORTAL

LOKKIII YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD WELCOME BACK. HE HAS A SHOOTY MAGIC SPEAR LIKE A BADASS. he just took out a bunch or shield with a shooty spe- OHMYGODS HE CAN CONTROL MINDS WITH IT.

“loki. brother of thor.” OLDMAN STFU

GUNS GO PEW PEW ALONG SIDE A GOOD OLD CAR CHASE SKSHSKKSHS. RUN FURY RUNNN. the portal imploded on itself like a moron hA

WHO TF NAMES THEIR CHILD “HILL” WTF. “we are at war.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK A NORSE GOD STOLE THE CUBE YOU WERE SUPPOST TO PROTECT

tis a train and a old building- NATASHA. how tf were you taken hostage? im so glad i have subtitles on otherwise i wouldnt understand a thing these ppl are saying. HOW TF IS SHE KICKING ASS WHILE TIED TO A CHAIR WHAT IN THE HELL-

oh his leg deff broke once he fell off the ledge tied to a chain. cut to a lil gorl running to find a doctor- who tf this is of course. THIS GUY IS BANNER??? i mean im glad they changed the actor but wtf. “theres no one that knows gamma radiation like you do.” YA DONT SAY, ROMANOFF. “STOP LYING TO ME” JESUS FUCK THAT MADE ME JUMP

oh damn shield has their own O5 council? cool. EXPLAIN WHAT PHASE2 IS ALREADY. also dont say thor is bad he is a giant puppy dog with a war-boner.

oh hi steve, working off that PTSD by beating the shit out of a punching bag ay? oh right steve knows the glowy cube. “at this point i doubt anything would surprise me.” “ten bucks says you’re wrong” welp ya owe him ten bucks steve

“is there anything you can tell us about the tesseract to help us now?” “you should’ve left it in the ocean.” WELL THAT HELPS ALOT DOESNT IT. hello there iron man, at the bottom of the ocean.? sure why the hell not

aye stark tower’s about to have clean energy, yay stark! “stark tower, is your baby.” how do you give birth to a tower.???????? KSHSJSHSKSJS COULSON BROKE INTO THE TOWER “is first name is agent.” TONY SKSHKSSHKSVSKSHSKS

*whisper whisper whisper* yeah she bribed tony with sex so he’d work on the avengers and stuff. “the guys like a stephen hawking.” “. . .” “hes like a smart person”

awh coulson is fangirling over steve- watched you while you were sleepin- man you’re awkward. you adorable dumbass. ohshit underground musky lab- OLDMAN AND LOKI

the world is breaking around loki. sea food army is restless- shut the fuck up you stupid looking eye wrapped bastard. WHO THE HELL IS THIS HE?????? welcome back to earth you smexy man

FLOATING WATER BASE

back to avenger tingz. man coulson is the biggest cap fan- oh its a giant sub- NO ITS A GIANT FLYING BASE HOLYSHIT SHIELD THATS AMAZING.

now we go into the meetings and talking related stuff :I yey. “lets vanish” wdym- IT HAD A CLOAKING DEVICE. HA STEVE JUST GAVE THE TEN HE OWED SKSHSKHSKSJS

i dont understand a word of all the science stuff they just said but yay. “i need a distraction. and an eyeball” barton what the fuck why do you need an eye.?

oh lokis in germany, at a very fancy party might i add. loki is best boy ever. even if he just bonked a the head/ OHMYGOD AND STOLE HIS FUCKING EYE JESUS CHRIST INFRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE.??????

“i said. KNEEEEL” dont need to tell me twice-

blagh villain speeches are the worst. why tf did this old guy stand up “not to men like you.” shut up. SHOOT HIM- wtf. steve what the hell are you wearing? what the fuck is that- aye tonnnyyy!!!! he hacked into the jet thingy and started playing music from the speaker thats the best.

CAPSICLE SKSHSKSHKSHSKSJ- ohfuck thunder. THOR WELCOME TO THE PARTY. “im not overly fond of what follows” WKVSKSBSKSHSJS

HE JUST BROKE INTO THE JET AND STOLE LOKI FROM EM. “theres only one god ma’am. and im sure he doesnt dress like that.” cap stfu

“i thought you were dead.” “did you mourn.” damn loki thats harsh. thor is angy at his brother. “you listen well brot-ARGH” “..im listening?” STARK YOU CHOSE THAT MOMENT TO BODY SLAM THOR OFF THAT CLIFF AND LEAVE LOKI BEHIND? REALLY?

“.. tourist.” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT KICK HIS ASS, THOR. DONT KILL HIM WITH LIGHTNING THO

if someone throwed me against a tree i wouldnt be walking. im just saying

“THATS ENOUGH.” cap did you think that would work?? and how the hell did your dinner plate stop the power of thor

loki do be in jail tho. how’s this gonna go wrong- oh he smiled at banner. THATS how it goes wrong

tell him off fury! “you have made me very disapoin-“ OH NVM HE SAYS DESPERATE IGNORE THIS

“uNlimiteD pOoWeRRRRR”

“let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.” good comeback fury. i think

“loki is beyond reason, but he is of asgard. and he is my brother” “he killed 80 people in two days.” “he’s adopted.” KSBSKSJSJSJSK

“that man is playing galaga. he thought we wouldnt notice, but we did.” TONYKANSKSHKSJSKSJ tony is a fucking legend. “finally someone who speaks english!” “is that what just happened?” steve stfu you’re a fighty man not a smart man

“i do! . . . i understood that reference.” steve nvm keep talking please. PLEASE THE MAN IS STILL PLAYING GALAGA SOSJSKSJSJKS

why is tony eating blueberrys- where the hell did he get blueberrys. “we have orders. we should start following them.” steve you tried to get into the army under fake locations for months AND broke into a german base when you were a showpony. stfu about following rules

“so you’re saying the hulk.. the other guy? saved me” yes. yes we are saying that, banner. aye steve go break into shit like you’re suppost to :D

oh hi again oldman, welcome back. yay shield saved padme, and awh oldman talked about thor alot. thor i love you alot. loki just tell nat where tf you left barton :/ oh barton was sent to KILL nat?? not hire her?? well that went downhill. whomst the hell is dreykov- sao paulo- the hospital fire???? hawkeye wtf why’d you spill it all to loki.

mewley quim wtf kind of insult is that- oh damn nat figured out the hulk is lokis next plan of attack. PHASE TWO IS TO USE THE GLOWY CUBE TO MAKE FUCKING WEAPONS? SHIELD WHAT THE HELL

HA FURY TRIED TO LIE IS WAY OUTTA IT BUT BC STARK HACKED INTO IT ALL HE JUST EXPOSED HIMSKHSKSJSKS

WAIT THEY WERE MADE FOR THOR AND ASGARDIANS? WHAT THE FUCK SHIELD- oh damn lokis staff is the reason they’re all at eachother. probably

“yeah. big man in a suit of armor. take that off what are you?.” “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” well you’re not wrong

guys stop fighting, HAWKEYE IS BREAKING IN. “in case you needed to kill me. but you cant. i know, i tried.” awh thats sad, i wanna hug banner so bad :(

OHSHIT AN ENTIRE WING GOT BLOWN UP THE FLYING BASE IS GOING DOWN- HULKS COMING OUT THATS NOT GOOD. the transforming is scary- RUN NAT

loki stop smiling because the plan is going your way. “it seems to run on some form of electricity.” “well you’re not wrong” tony stop being funny this isnt fair

HULK JUMPSCARE JESUS CHRIST- NAT GOT BITCHSLAPPED THROUGH A WALL- YAY THOR TO SAVE THE DAY. HAMMER TIME BABYY

*B O N K*

hulk trying to pick the hammer up is funny. BRIDGE IS UNDER ATTACK. DO YOU THINK SHOOTING HULK IS A GOOD IDEA??? HE JUST TOOK OUT FIGHTER JET AND ALMOST KILLED THE GUY FLYING IT

CAP IS KICKING ASS- OH GOD NO THE ENGINES ARE FAILING. OHGOD LOKI IS OUT- THOR YOU DUMBFUCK DID YOU FORGET LOKI CAN DO MAGIC SHIT? NOW YOU’RE STUCK IN THE GLASS CONTAINER

COULSON SAVE THOR! SHOOT LOKI DAMNIT- COULSON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

glass cage go brrrrr

HA LOKI GOT FUCKIN SHOT BY COULSON BEFORE HE DIES( :( ) tony almost got minced by the engine thingys

im gonna cry coulson how dare your death make me sad :(( stupid heart breaking aftermath moments.

thor is stuck in a field, banner fell through the roof of a building. awh the security guard is so nice :) barton is a fucking mess right now “how’d you get him out?” “i hit you on the head really hard.” KSJSKKSSK

tony figured out lokis plan- ITS TAKING PLACE AT HIS TOWER? THE AVENGERS IS TAKING ACTION BABY LETS GOOOO

wait a fucking moment, the cards coulson has are covered in blood. so you’d think they were on him when he was stabbed- yet hill just said they were in his locker “they needed the push.” FURY YOU RUINED NEAR MINT VINTAGE COLLECTABLE CARDS TO MOTIVATE SUPER FREAKS???

o hi loki welcome to stark tower

“stalling wont change-“ “no no, threatening. no drink? ya sure? im having one.”

“i have an army.” “we have a hulk.” HE SAID IT, HE SAID THE LINE

HA LOKI CANT TAKE STARKS MIND BC HIS HEART IS SOME TECHY METAL CRAPKSJSKSJSKS- i guess choking and tossing him around works. so does throwing hik out a window

oh no the glowy cube just opened a portal for the army of seafood. they look like creatures from halo.

BROTHER FIGHT

CHAOS EVERYWHERE

PLANE DOWN PLANE DOWN

what the fuck just growled- HOLYSHIT THEY HAVE A SPACE LEVIATHAN. it looks badass ngl. loki redemption arc? nope he just stabbed thor.

SPACE BIKE GO BRRRRR

yes because arrows and guns will stop the, alien monsters with lazer arms. some how its working. “just like budapest all over again.” “you and i remember budapest very differently.” WTF HAPPENED AT BUDAPEST BARTON AND NAt, HUH?

cap just scared the shit outta some police men HAHA

“i have unfinished business with loki.” “yeah? get in line” barton is snarky right now. banner just rides up on a motercycle like “hi what i’d miss”

“im bringing the party to you.” stark says while being chased by a giant metal space whale who’s crashing and crushing everything in its path along a street

“thats my secret cap. im always angry.” FUCK YEAH BANNER MESS THAT SPACE WHALE UP. HE JUST PUNCHED A GIANT FUCKING WHALE THING.

the music, the avengers circling around. its amazing. well things are gonna get worse bc more space whales showed up

“and hulk. . . smash.”

LIGHT THEM FUCKERS UP, THOR. shield maybe instead of watching, maybe, oh i dont know. HELP THEM???

i dont know what else to say other then its alot of fighting and smashing alien faces into the ground

hulk and thor kicking ass on the back of a space whale is awesome. HULK WHY DID YOU PUNCH HIMSJSOSHSKJSKSJSKSKSKSK

i fuxking love when steve turtle shells behind his shield.

“director fury. the council has made a decision.” “i recognize the council has made a decision. but given its a stupid-ass decision, i have elected to ignore it.” fury never stop being awesome

loki thought he was so smug when he caught bartons arrow, then it blew up in his face. literally IKSKSKSKSKS

HULK FUCK LOKI UP! JSHSKSGKSHSJSHSJSJ HE JUST TOSSED LOKI AROUND LIKE A RAGDOLL “puny god.” “*pained wheezing from a smooshed loki*”

oh damn- OH DAMN, STARK. he just jonahed the fucking whale thing and blew it up from the inside. well now the city has a nuke coming for it :/

yall have a chance to shut the portal down, and tony, you want to go INTO that portal and throw the nuke in? wtf stark.

TONY GO BACK TO EARTH DAMNIT FUCKING BASTARD PASSED OUT. yay hulk saved his stupid ass. do cpr.? mayb.? or a hulk roar will wake him up KEJSKJSKSSKJS

tony. you just blew up a alien command center with a nuke, passed out and fell to earth through a portal. and you want, shawarma?

and now back to loki. “if its all the same to you, i’d like that drink now.” ISHSKSJSJSJSKSJSJ

STAN LEEE

the people love em. yey

council lady stfu about the avengers being a threat. they just said the earth and you’re worried about them going rouge??

“if we get into a situation like this again, what happens then?” “they’ll come back.” i mean theres three more avenger movies so i assume so. remodaling stark towers so its the avenger tower? neat!

NEXT MOVIE: IRON MAN 3

*MID CREDIT SCENE* oh hi again mr no eyes. do we get to see this HE? OH WE DO. o hi mr 10 chins

once again ignore the misspells it was three AM when i finally finished this and im just now rereading it

[rahullkohli]

alrighty. due to popular demand, here's the recipe for the cookies i baked yesterday. if you try them out, please let me know what you think. also, i am danish, so we're using the metric system, and celsius ha!

150 g butter, room temp - i use plantbased and none of that unsalted nonsense

100 g sugar - i use cane sugar, which technically is more aromatic in the taste than white sugar, but it really doesn't matter

100 g brown sugar

200 g flour - i just use regular all purpose flour as white as my scandinavian viking ass

100 g nuts - i did a mix of almonds and hazel nuts, but you just mix to your fancy with whatever you like, or completely leave them out. you might even say that you can just, ahem, go nuts

100 g chocolate - i used 72% because it's got that lovely dark flavor but not so dark that it makes your tongue dry. but again, use whatever kind of chocolate you like. maybe even mix types.

1 egg m/l - use organic eggs, dude. or at least free range. caged chickens live under awful conditions. plus, there really is a difference in taste, i swear.

1/2 teaspoon vanilla powder

1 teaspoon baking powder

01. start out by plopping your butter in a bowl, with the egg and both types of sugar. now mix that all up until it's nice and smooth. using an electric mixer is cool, but if you don't have one, or you're just real buff and wanna flex your skillz then you don't need that.

02. then you add vanilla and baking powder, and carefully add the flour little by little. i mix that in with a soft spatula so the egg/sugar/butter mix doesn't loose that fluffy texture.

03. after all that is mixed to a lovely soft and smooth mix, you fold in the chopped nuts and chocolate. and if you don't know what folding something in a recipe means (i'm looking at you, david and moira rose!!!) basically it's where you take your spatula or spoon and literally fold the cookie dough mix again and again, until the nuts and chocolate has blended in with the rest.

04. now you put that baby in the fridge. kick back, chill a bit and watch an ep or three of your fave show. i gave it about three eps of the good place.

05. then you put some paper on those plates that go in the oven that i can't remember the word for right now. so, what i do is i have a cup of medium temperatur water and a spoon that goes in the water that i use to shape the dough into little balls. i use the tablespoon size from a set of measuring spoons because it gives a pretty decent size. if you dip the spoon in the water between every ball then the dough won't stick so much and it won't be super messy.

06. anyway, then the plate thingy with the balls on goes back in the fridge if you got room for that. if you don't it's cool, then you can just make pop those babies right in the oven. the reason i like to put them back in the fridge is because that way they get the slight golden edge around and get a little bit more chewy in the center, because when they start to splat out when they get hot they won't splat out as much as if they aren't super cold. but it's still good either way, i promise. it's a consistency thing. and an ocd thing with the shape.

07. so if you put them back in the fridge that's when you turn the oven on at 175 degrees hot air. i gave mine 10 minutes, but it's a little so-so depending on the oven, so i would say start out with 10 and if they still look a little pale, give them a minute or two more.

08. and then you just let them cool off on a rack, and burn your tongue when you're too impatient too wait for that shit.

[fanficfreekmcu]

Introducing Dýrfinna of Vanaheim (2)

ᚳᚻᚫᛈᛏᛖᚱ ᛚᛁᛋᛏ, ᛋᚢᛗᛗᚫᚱᚣ, & ᚹᚫᚱᚾᛁᚾᚷᛋ

“Fandral,” Thor placed his hand on his shoulder while drunkenly swinging his stein of mead. “How goes, my friend?”

“It goes well,” he grinned broadly. “Any prospects or conquests on your plate for tonight?” he took a glance at all of the ladies standing around the bonfire.

“I have not found the one I want,” he looked around as well.

“Don’t be too picky, I might just pluck them all up before you make up your mind.”

“Have fun!” he grinned.

“I shall!” he laughed before walking off toward the ladies.

Thor took a drink of his mead and threw his head back, looking up at the stars. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep his hands off of Finna, and tonight would be no different. He had felt an attraction to her since the moment she joined Sif’s Shieldmaiden Regiment. They had grown close in friendship and she flirted with him relentlessly, but now he wanted more.

He wanted her.

He laughed at the thought. He wondered what the feisty ginger woman would think of the Prince of Asgard finally making his move?

The breeze coming off of the ocean called to him and pulled him toward the waves as he slowly came upon the shadowy figure on the beach. It seemed like a boulder that was moving, but sounded like girls as he stopped and eavesdropped on them.

“Ow!” one yelled.

“Hold still!”

“Finna, make a glowy light thingie!”

“Oh, right. There.”

“That looks horrible!

“Shhhhh!” multiple girls hissed.

“Stop pulling your foot away!”

“It hurts!”

“Would someone please hold her…”

“Ahhhh!”

“Got it!”

“Ladies?” Thor staggered toward them.

Three young ladies looked up at him from standing around a blonde that was sitting in the sand. Finna held up her right hand, which was glowing white as blood dripped from her left hand. The two others were holding their friend’s leg and ankle.

“May I be of assistance?” he slurred.

“We’ve got it, now!” one hiccuped.

“Nina!” Finna scolded her. “Use your manners!”

“There’s no need,” Thor swayed drunkenly. “Intoxication negates the need for curtsey.”

“Well then, Prince Fancy Pants, could you please put those strong arms to work and carry Bryn to the water? She needs to rinse out her wound.”

“As you wish, Captain Finna,” he placed his stein onto the sand and whipped Bryn up into his arms.

Finna giggled as she stole Thor’s drink and headed to a rock to sit and watch him.

“Oh my stars, that’s Prince Thor!” Nina screamed into her ear.

“How very perceptive of you, darling,” she grinned.

“He really is everything my sister described,” she mumbled.

“He does have a reputation with the ladies,” Finna dropped her eyes away from him.

“So does Fandral,” she giggled as Finna smiled. They both quieted as Thor approached them and reached for his stein.

“Thank you for helping Bryn,” Finna pulled her hand away playfully.

“It was my pleasure,” he reached over her, pushing his hips between her legs as he looked down at her. He wrapped his fingers around the cup as his heart beat against his chest. “Captain Finna.”

“Prince Fancy Pants,” she grinned.

“Now that would be my brother,” he grinned. “Loki’s trousers are much fancier than mine.”

She giggled against him. “Fine then. Prince Muscles it is.”

“I like that better,” he tipped his head back as Bryn hopped over to them with the help of Gita.

“Would you like a bit of help in getting to your tent, my darlin’?” Finna slid off of the rock and wrapped her arms around her friend.

“Aye,” she sighed. “Stupid sharp shells,” she pouted.

“You poor thing,” Nina looked over at Thor. “Thank you for your assistance tonight, My Prince.”

“Would you care for an escort?” he couldn’t look away from Finna.

Bryn cocked her eyebrow before breaking into a wide grin. “Please.”

He chuckled before handing his stein off to Finna and whipping the girl up into his arms. He carried her in from the beach and through the festivities as Bryn led them to her tent. Walking in, he gently placed her onto a hammock and  kissed her forehead. “There you go, sleep well.”

“She’ll have sweet dreams, I’m sure,” Gita giggled as she and Nina helped prepare their friend for bed.

Thor stepped out of the tent to find Finna swirling the empty stein around on her finger. He grabbed the mug and her hand and pulled her back to where the ale was being poured. Once his stein was filled, he again pulled her off to his tent.

“Thor,” she stopped at the entrance.

“I’m tired of the endless flirting, Finna,” he turned to her.

“I…” the air escaped her chest as he crushed his lips against hers and pulled her inside. They undressed one another, letting their clothes fall where they might before pulling closer.

She wrapped her legs around him as he carried her to his bed and gently lay her down without removing his lips from hers. 

She closed her eyes and pushed her head back; giving him welcomed access to her neck. Carefully, slowly, he kissed her neck, letting her scent and taste intoxicate him.

Her mind whirled as his scent filled her head. It was like a drug, overwhelming her senses and utterly addictive combined with the electricity bolting through her body. 

He kissed her deeply as he slowly pushed his way inside her, realizing for the first time that she had remained a maiden until that very moment. “Finna,” he whispered as she hushed him with her mouth, her fingers digging into his shoulders as she let out an excited sigh. She opened her eyes as he kissed her, smiling at the fact that she seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. 

The electricity spiked through her body, sending it alight with pulses that she had never felt before. Her body enjoyed the feelings of his against her and him buried inside her, a feeling she had been yearning to feel for over forty years.

Hours seemed like minutes as they worshiped one another, declaring their love and devotion repeatedly, their souls tangled into a web of unreserved bliss. He rolled onto his back, bringing her with him while sitting up and kissing her. As she struggled to catch her breath, he took the opportunity to taste the skin of her shoulder, dampened with sweat and saturated with heat.

“You taste so good,” he whispered happily.

“As do you,” she pulled his bottom lip into her mouth with a wicked grin. She then moved her hips against him until she threw her head back with a scream of pleasure.

He turned them to lay her again on the bed, pushing her into the soft mattress as she wrapped her legs around him once more. Raking her nails down his back, she brought her knees up and encouraged him to thrust deeper as he moaned. 

He began to breathe harder as her third and final orgasm began to tighten around him. She threw her head back and gasped for air as her feet encouraged his thrusting by guiding him on the backs of his thighs.

He laced his fingers though those of her right hand as he kept his body hovered over hers with his right, his eyes intense, yet gentle as everything exploded.

She screamed out her release as his came in the form of a groan, their bodies damp and limp as they lay together on the bed.

“Please tell me why we didn’t do this sooner,” he kissed her fingers.

“You will be crowned King of Asgard shortly, and I am betrothed,” she let out a sad sigh.

“Tell me you wanted this as much as I,” he looked down into her eyes.

“More,” she smiled, but the sadness in her big, brown eyes was evident. “Nothing will ever come of it.”

“I will be King, I’ll… give you a title…”

“No one in Asgard will want to see a Van Witch on your arm, and you know it.”

“I don’t care!” he raised his voice as thunder began to roll all around them.

She placed her hand on his chest. “Calm your storm,” she kissed him. “We will return home to Asgard. You will begin preparations for your coronation. We must relax and just… see what the Ancients have in store for us.”

“Once you’re married…”

“As King, you have the power to deny all betrothals. It’s a stupid and archaic practice that should have been outlawed ages ago. If you really want me, you will find a way to make it so.”

He grinned before pushing his body into hers and taking her again.

➵➵➵➵➵➵➵❂➵➵➵➵➵➵➵ 3

[falseroar]

Maybe 3 with JJ and Wilford? :D

((One “How hard can baking a cake be?” with JJ and Wilford coming up! I’ll admit, the idea of these two in a kitchen together made me smile. Sorry it took so long!))

“So do you have all the flavors?”

Jameson Jackson jumped and spun around, one hand to his heart, a speech slide appearing between him and the fluorescent pink and yellow man as if some kind of defense. “Jeepers! I didn’t hear your knock at the door!”

Wilford frowned and waved the slide away before breaking into a manic grin. “Come now, who needs doors to get anywhere?”

“…Most people, I would think.” Jameson hid his step back from the man by leaning against the kitchen counter. “Why are you here, Wilford?”

Wilford, in a rare moment of awareness, tilted his head past the slide to give the other man a suspicious stare. “You know, for some reason I’m getting the sense that you’re not super comfy with my being here. But that’s just ridiculous, of course!”

Jameson frowned and pointed a finger at him. “Ridiculous?! You’ve turned a gun on me before, not to mention my friends!”

Wilford shrugged. “Existential crisis, happens to everybody! Besides, I’ve turned a gun on everyone at least once, it’s kind of my thing.”

“The last time we were in a house together, you tried to hunt me down like some kind of animal!”

“Ah.” Wilford paused and said, “In my defense, you did have that Antiwhatsit hanging around in your head. Plus, I kind of hoped you would have forgotten about that.”

“…Fair enough.”

Wilford beamed at him and moved toward the counter, only to be stopped short by another speech slide.

“But that doesn’t answer my question.”

Wilford read the words and turned toward him. “Which was…?”

“Why are you here?”

“Why, to bake a cake of course! Didn’t you get my message?” Wilford peered around Jameson to look at the flour, eggs, and other materials carefully arranged on the counter beside several bowls and pans. “Or do you always have baking supplies out and ready to go? Because I thoroughly approve if so.”

Seeing Jameson’s baffled expression, Wilford sighed and placed his hands on the gentleman’s shoulders. “JJ. Jameson Jackson. Jamieboy. J. Jonah Jameson—”

“Not my name—”

“Shush!” Wilford slapped a finger over JJ’s mouth, making the speech slide that appeared cut off and flimsier than the others. “Have you, or have you not, noticed that these days the others are a bit down in the mouth? They’re not going out, keeping away from other people—”

“You mean because people are supposed to be staying home and not breaking quarantine?” Jameson gave Wilford and the door a meaningful look, for all the good it did.

“Yes, yes, that’s what Dr. Iplier keeps telling me. That is, when he isn’t working himself to the bone at the hospital. Your doc’s doing the same thing, isn’t he?”

Wilford’s eyes bored knowingly into JJ, who thought of how Dr. Schneeplestein had been coming home at odd hours just to disappear straight into his room or more often his study. It had been days since they’d spoken to each other despite living right down the hall from each other.

“And what about the others?” Wilford pressed. “How are they doing?”

“I admit, the mood has changed in the house,” Jameson said slowly. When Wilford waited for more, he sighed and added, “We’ve never gone this long without a visit from Master McLoughlin. Jackieboy has volunteered to run supplies for those in the neighborhood who need it, but staying inside so much is not his cup of jam. Poor Chase has lost all motivation to continue his video logs, while Marvin…”

He paused. Actually, outside of cancelling his shows for the foreseeable future, the magician hadn’t changed his habits that much. Not leaving his study for days at a time was perfectly normal behavior for him, although he was more willing to volunteer to go to the grocery store these days to save his brothers from having to do it.

Wilford nodded. “My boys are avoiding each other as well. The house hasn’t been this quiet in, well, ever, even Dark has noticed! Yan can’t go to school to see Senpai, Bim can’t find guests for his show, and you don’t know cabin fever until it affects the Ipliers.”

Jameson shuddered, not even wanting to imagine what that looked like. The Iplier house on a normal day was bad enough.

“Why, even Y/N has taken to self-isolating over at Mark and Amy’s place, and apparently taking them out for the occasional adventure in the middle of the night is ‘dangerous’ and ‘irresponsible’ all of a sudden.”

JJ considered pointing out it probably wasn’t “all of a sudden” but thought better of it.

“The point, my son of Jacks, is that they’re all too focused on the bad things, and don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of it to go around these days.” Wilford threw an arm around Jameson’s shoulder and spoke in a low, conspiratorial tone. “But you and me? We’ve been through this before, haven’t we? And we know the secret: this too will pass. We’ll get there, eventually. But until then, we need to get the others’ spirits up!”

“And to do that, we’re going to bake a cake?” Jameson’s slide failed to convey his doubt, but he had to admit the idea had a kind of simple charm to it.

“Now you get it!” Wilford said, thumping him hard on the back before turning to the arrayed ingredients. “This is going to be great!”

“Well, I do have some baking experience,” Jameson said as he picked up a simple recipe for a yellow cake he had laid to the side earlier. “And as long as we follow the recipe—Hey!”

Wilford snatched the recipe from JJ’s hand and tore it up with a snort. “We don’t need no recipe! How hard can baking a cake be?”

Jameson sighed, his palm pushing the brim of his bowler hat so far up it threatened to fall off of his head. This was going to be a long day.

After convincing Wilford that hands did not make for good measuring devices, an argument that went on for far too long, they managed to get as far as mixing together the sugar and butter before Jameson tapped his chin.

“Next is the eggs, I think. Was it two or three—Ah! Maybe I should be the one to—”

Too late. Wilford had already picked up an egg and, with one hand, cracked it over the bowl before tossing the eggshell over his shoulder and into the trash can without a single glance.

“…What?” Wilford asked.

Jameson opened his mouth and then shut it, unsure of what to say as Wilford continued to expertly crack open the next two eggs.

“Between you and me, I think your popup word thingy isn’t working properly,” Wilford said in a carrying whisper. “You might want to get that looked at.”

That surprise might have explained why JJ wasn’t prepared for when Wilford picked up the electric mixer, but the shout that followed suggested that Wilford wasn’t too prepared either. Several minutes of panicked mixing later, they were left with a large bowl of batter and a kitchen coated with a light dusting of flour and splattered half-mixed batter.

Jameson tossed the mixer in the sink where it could do no more harm and said, “Well, that happened. How about I grease the pans while you get the oven going?”

Wilford chuckled. “Oh, no no no, I’m not allowed to touch any major appliance after what happened with the dishwasher. And the washing machine. And the little mishap with the TV.”

Jameson considered asking but thought better of it, instead with some embarrassment admitting, “I, um, haven’t fully mastered this newfangled machine. I usually ask one of the others to help me, but…”

He looked around the kitchen, which he would much rather the others not see in its current state.

Wilford considered for a moment and then grinned. “Don’t worry, I know exactly what to do.”

“Oh, hey Jameson,” you said, unable to hide your surprise when you saw the dapper gentleman on the other side of your phone screen. You didn’t even know he knew what FaceTime was, not when texting was just barely within his comfort zone. “What’s up?”

The screen went black as a shaky speech slide appeared, the white letters reading, “This is a bit embarrassing to ask, but…”

The speech slide was pushed out of the way as Wilford leaned into view. “Do you think you could talk our lad here through using a modern oven?”

“I—Wilford? What are you doing there?” You frowned. “Don’t you know how to use an oven?”

“According to Chef Iplier, no. Not even a little bit,” Wilford answered with a smile, not even a bit ashamed. “Well, are you up to it?”

“I…I guess? JJ, can you turn the camera toward the oven so I can see it? No, that’s the floor, up a little more—”

It took a few minutes, but you managed to talk Jameson through preheating the oven and how to set a timer, finishing with, “And that should be it. Just don’t forget to turn it off when you’re done—"

“Got it, thanks Y/N, love you,” Wilford said, abruptly turning the phone off before you could finish or answer him. “Say, Jamieboy, what do we have in the way of food dye?”

You stared at the blank screen on your end and laughed to yourself before starting a text to Marvin, typing, “You might want to get some fire suppression spells ready.”

The response came back a few seconds later: “Already on it.”

—

Some time and an assist from Marvin’s magic later, you were standing with several of the other Septic egos in their dining room, looking at the pair of cakes arranged there.

“They’re very…colorful,” Chase managed, but like the others he didn’t seem eager to move any closer to it.

That it was. Pink and blue swirled icing heavily coated both cakes in messy globs, both colors so bright as to almost appear capable of glowing in the dark.

“Well, don’t just stand there! Try a piece!” Wilford picked up the knife and everyone in the room flinched. “What?”

“Maybe I should do that,” Jackieboy said, gingerly taking the knife from Wilford’s hand, who just shrugged and backed out of the way. The superhero cut into one of the cakes, revealing the same colors had been used to dye the inside as well, and carefully meted out slices onto waiting plates.

“Those slices aren’t very big,” Wilford said doubtfully.

“We want to save some for Hen, right guys?” Jackie said, looking to you, Marvin, and Chase for backup and getting nods in return. A lot easier to be polite when you only had to get through a small piece.

Very aware that JJ and Wilford were watching you, you dipped a fork into your slice and took a hesitant bite.

“This is really good!” you said, unable to keep the surprise out of your voice.

Wilford beamed as the others shared your surprise and dug in, but you looked at Jameson who shrugged and leaned in to whisper with a slide only you could see.

“I may have baked something similar before. That, and I was able to salvage a couple of pieces from the recipe when Wilford wasn’t looking.”

You nodded, having experienced some of Wilford’s cooking before he was permanently banned from the kitchen in the Iplier house, as well as Mark’s kitchen and Ethan’s kitchen. And judging by the shriek from the other room, he was about to add another to that growing list.

“Meine Küche!”

“Schneep’s home,” Marvin said without looking up from his plate.

“Wow, look at that, it’s time for us to go,” Wilford said, grabbing the Iplier’s cake and your arm. “See you around, Jamieboy!”

“Wait, you can’t just leave me to—” Jameson’s speech slide stopped abruptly as he stared at the empty place where you and Wilford had been standing just a second ago, before it turned into a garble of censored swears. He turned to face the doctor storming into the room, mask dangling from one ear to reveal his anger, and attempted a smile.

“…Would you like a piece of cake?”

[hedge-rambles]

Genuinely, I've met and lived with so many young adults (men and women) over the years who left home never having learned how to:

cook

wash clothes (generally speaking you want the coolest wash cycle except for like sheets and towels, and don't leave it in the machine for hours when it's finished)

hang up clothes to dry (spread shit out so it dries quick, put shirts on hangers to dry btw even if you don't hang them up after)

clean out the lint trap on a tumble drier (seriously, they can straight up catch fire if you don't, you really want to do that every couple of uses at most if only to keep it as part of your routine)

clean a kitchen (you gotta clean behind things sometimes, you gotta clean the hob, buy a pack of cheap green plastic scourers they are your friend)

clean a bathroom (use different cloths and sponges for this and the kitchen I'm begging you)

do dishes properly (never put metal stuff in non-stick pans, clean both sides of a plate if it's been stacked with others, check before putting them to dry that it's actually not still got food stuck to it)

vacuum or sweep properly (harder than it looks actually)

check and change a fuse (youtube is you friend here but don't go fucking about with that if you're not sure because electricity is spicy)

clean a vacuum cleaner (I'm going to explain this one under a cut actually)

And the thing is most of these aren't complicated things that take a lot of time to teach kids for most people, you literally just have to involve them in doing these tasks when you can and by their early teens just like, once a week/month it's their job to make dinner, or clean the bathroom or whatever. I hated that my parents made us do all these chores as kids but honestly? My house is a fucking tip because I'm lazy but I'm still so glad they did because I really do know how to do this stuff and I can unfuck this place when I feel like it.

I get that people don't always have the time but it takes a couple decades to raise a kid you almost definitely have some time during that span to have them make dinner with you. You're doing these things anyway, have them stirring pots or peeling veggies or whatever little tasks that go into it and they'll pick shit up.

Anyway, about cleaning vacuum cleaners: I've moved into shared houses where I've been told "ah yeah, no that vacuum doesn't work" and it's just never been cleaned. If you have a bagless vacuum, it does all sorts of shit to spin dirt and dust into the collection chamber but it's also got filters that stop it just blowing all the lighter particles back into the air. These will clog relatively quickly and reduce flow, you need to either take the filter, usually a little corrugated thingy, outside and bash them against a wall (while standing upwind I cannot stress this enough) or with certain types they can be washed in the sink (and then left to dry for like minimum 24 hours) to get rid of all that dust and hey presto it will start sucking again properly. Similarly, if it's got a rotating brush bar thingy and anyone in your house has long hair you're going to need to carefully cut and pull those out on the regular or it will get tangled and jam, either working less well or burning out motors. AND ANOTHER THING there's a lot of stuff that doesn't vacuum up well, anything long like straw or bits of plastic and the suchlike will jam in tubes and create fun blockages or cause all the dirt to just cascade back out of the machine when you turn it off. Do yourself a favour and just pick those up first.

That's one of those infrequent jobs that I think a lot of adults aren't even properly aware of because it wasn't a thing back when vacuums had bags, the bag was the fine particle filter and it got clogged but then it got replaced regularly. Seriously though, clean out your vacuum filters and watch how it suddenly works like new.

please please please teach your children to cook while they still live under your roof. even the most elementary things can’t be overlooked. because i just had to show my 24 year old boyfriend how to use a potato peeler and now i need to lay down for an hour

[dfroza]

A photographic memory from november 10 beginning in ‘11 with an odometer reading on my former Saturn Vue that mirrors the number 630 (read in reverse as 036) on its Oklahoma license plate [036 AKO]

followed by a sunset scene in ‘12 as viewed from Meijer on 10 mile road in Rockford, MI

A few items in the upstairs living quarters at Electrical Audio in Chicago where we spent the night when Cosmonaut recorded there

A cat and sunlight on 10th street in ‘15 at brian and Lauren’s former house

A pretzel i ate in ‘15 and a restoration scene at Ken’s market on Plainfield avenue after a fire struck

and these are a few of my Facebook memories from 2010 while writing at a Library in Los Angeles:

brought coffee into the library ~ it has now become a caffeinated storyhouse

was thinking about applying for a job as an astronaut, but i may be slightly underqualified (but i do have eyes and i enjoy the night sky)

maybe NASA has one of those temp-to-hire thingy's (it's gotta be here somewhere on craigslist)

i could always become a coffeehouse blogger ~ traveling all over the world writing my caffeinated thoughts

(but i can't find that in my job search either)

when i grow up i want to become a professional child ~ one who sees both heaven and earth ~ and can play in both of them

November 10, 2010 • Facebook

[lokistories123]

The internship (chapter 2): That’s my girl

Okay so first: to prevent any confusion from happening. This Blog and foreverdrivinginpuddles123 are both my blogs. This blog is the side blog (with fanfiction and NSFW fanart) and foreverdrivinginpuddles123 is the main blog. Also: let me know what you think of this story. I’m not the confident type of person.

Your first official day as an intern.

You woke up by the sound of someone singing. When you quietly laid your head on the door that led to Loki’s room, you could hear it was him. It sounded like a lullaby. You opened the door.

“Hey, Good morning Loki.” Loki was a bit startled that you just opened the door, and he was even more frightened that you’d hear him sing.

“Uhm, hey… good morning Natasha.” You both exchanged smiled.

“How late is breakfast usually?”

“It’s pretty early, but it’s from 7 till 10.”

“That’s not bad. Thanks. I’m going to get dressed and have breakfast then.” You smiled at him and closed the door. You chose to wear black jeans with a white shirt and neon green shoes.

“Good morning Natasha!” Jessica yelled from the other side of the room. You obviously weren’t fully awake yet. You rolled your eyes and smiled at her.

“Hey Jess.”

“Not yet awake, now are we? Did Loki keep you up all night?!” She giggled.

“OMG Jess, no he didn’t. What do you think that’s happening up there?”

“Oh nothing, just you trying to get some extra points” She winked at me and we both laughed.

“No, that’s not me. I’ll just write a pissed of essay on why I should deserve more points, if not done verbally.”

“That’s my girl.” You and Jess got along really well. And she enjoyed your sarcasm.

After 20 minutes when you and Jess were having one last coffee, Loki entered the dining hall. He threw some food on the plate and seated himself next to his brother Thor. You noticed he didn’t exchange one word the whole time. He wasn’t a morning person either. Jess was trained by Natasha Romanoff and Natasha picked her up to start the training

“See you later Nat!” Romanoff eyed her weirdly but then remembered that you shared a name.

“Later Jess!” You were now all by yourself at the intern table. You decided to grab a cup of tea with a cupcake to make the morning enjoyable. After you seated yourself again you noticed Loki walking towards you.

Loki didn't even notice you until you stood up to grab something to drink. You weren’t allowed yet to sit where you wanted, so he decided that he would come to you. He really did want to bond with you, but he was afraid to be himself just yet. That was the reason he usually didn’t tutor any interns, because they were afraid of him. But somehow you were very casual around him and didn’t show any signs.

“How I hate mornings.” Loki said and grabbed Natasha’s cupcake, tore It in half and ate one half of it.

“Join the club. I switched to tea for now. But 90% of my veins are coffee in the morning.” You said sarcastically.

“So, I usually start the morning in the training halls. For most of my morning anger goes into that.”

“Yeah sure. I go where you go.”

“After that I’ll show you around the researching halls and medical halls, may you ever need those. Although I hope not.”

“Okay.” Loki was glad that you were okay with his plans.

You both walked towards the training halls. But then everything came back to you: you were never really good ad defending yourself. When you entered the hall, you could see all sorts of people doing all sorts of “training”. There were different kind of weapons that people were training with: guns, bow ‘n arrows, blades, knifes, electric thingies. And then there were all sorts of fighting skills as well. You stopped walking and turned white. Loki noticed you weren’t walking besides him anymore and turned around.

“What? Did that cupcake turn you stomach?”

“Well… I never did anything that’s happening here right now.” Loki rolled his eyes at you.

“Isn’t that the whole reason you joined the intern program?”

“Not exactly, I thought my medical and technical skills would be at good use. I didn’t think I would be trained into a super spy.” You felt even more awkward since it was Loki you were talking to. You still had to keep away those fangirl feelings (if you know what I mean). You went from white to tomato red.

“Well, it depends on the tutor Natasha. I have little medical knowledge and no technical knowledge. What I do know is how to fight in battles. I’m Asgardian if you’ve forgotten.”

No, you didn’t forget. Look at this man. The divine was dripping off of him. You didn’t want to look like a total loser, so you made the decision for yourself that a bid of stamina wouldn’t hurt nobody.

“Yeah I haven’t forgotten. But before you kill me with impatience, we do have to start from scratch.” Loki shrugged.

“That’s why you’re an intern Nat. Now let’s pick a weapon first.”

Instead of a banquet of foods, there was a banquet with all sorts of weapons. There was something about these daggers that took you interest. You grabbed them both and when you turned to Loki he was smirking.

“What?”

“Those are MY daggers.” Well fuck.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll pick something else.” Shit shit shit you thought to yourself. One way to start a trusted friendship by annoying the hell out of a god. Although if he would do anything, you’d probably say thank you anyway…

“It's fine. We’re here for you anyway. But we should ask for a second pair at HQ.”

You grabbed them both and Loki explained the whole art of throwing daggers and using them in fights. You sucked at first, but after a few tries to throw them at a close “target” (big board) you finally got one to stuck in the board.

“YES.” Was all you could manage to say, and Loki just smirked. You could tell he was enjoying it, but he wasn’t going to give in on the second day.

You trained for another two hours and then it was already 1 PM.

“Okay, Natasha. I think that’s enough for now. I’m starving. Let’s get lunch.” You wanted to go on and on and on, since you were finally getting the hang of it, but you decided to just listen to him before you’d get in trouble.

“Okay.” You handed Loki the daggers, and when he securely put them away again, you went back to the eating halls. It had turned from a breakfast feast into a lunching feast.

Loki immediately went for the food and you went after him. But Loki didn’t seat himself at the table you were seated, no, he seated himself next to the Avengers. But he didn’t talk at all. You did feel a bit hurt. But you also understood the ranking systems. He was the tutor and you were the intern.

Jessica wasn’t there, and neither were James or Katherine. You did know the other interns, but they weren’t THAT nice too you. There were even a pair of guys throwing sexual comments at you the WHOLE time.

“Looking fine Holmes, what did you do?”

“How about you come to my room and I’ll show you some tutoring.”

“Is Loki a bottom or a top? How much work do you have to do to get those points?”

You didn’t even sit for 3 minutes, but you decided to call it quits and just wait for dinner and hope that some nice people would be there as well.

“SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLES!” you threw your plate with food at one guy and the other got the drink thrown at his head. You shoved the chair backwards with so much force that even the chair got damaged. You angrily walked out of the eating halls.

“NATASHA!” You could hear Loki calling after you. It wasn’t anger in his voice, but worry.

You entered your door and slammed it shut as hard as you could. You were still smart enough to lock both doors. Quickly after that you heard someone knocking.

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“Nat? Are you okay? I just walked in when I saw you throwing your food at those guys. Is everything okay?” You could hear it was Jessica.

“Yeah, just some horny assholes. But I need some alone-time. Please.”

“Okay, if there’s anything I can do for you, just let me know.” You could hear Jessica walking away. You threw yourself on the bed and started tearing up a bit. What a hell this would be if those guys were to keep bothering you for a whole year!

After a while you fell asleep and when you woke up there was a tall figure standing next to your bed. You quickly slammed your fist at it and went out of bed the other side.

“Ah, for fucks sake!” After your eye-sight finally woke up too, you noticed it was Loki that you just punched in the crotch area. He was in a bit of pain. You walked up to him to comfort him.

“Loki, I’m so sorry. I thought one of those sneaky bastards sneaked up in to my room, to do god knows what.”

“Nope. Just a sneaky bastard in general.” He said with a high voice.

“Oh my god, please don’t kill me.”

“Nat! Stop thinking that I’m going to kill you.”

“Sorry, I really am sorry!”

“It’s okay. We’re okay. If I knew you better I might say I need a kiss on my booboo, but let’s not do that.” He laughed. You didn’t know what to do, so you just stood there frozen.

“That was a Joke Natasha. You’re supposed to laugh at one.” Loki said smiling.

“I was pretty sure, that you were going to kill me after that!” You pointed at his crotch.

“Well, you had your reasons. I didn’t quite notice what was going on back there, but I did hear it from some other interns. Why are they making sex jokes?” You really didn’t feel very comfortable to even bring up that word to him, but you had some explaining to do.”

“One guy even has a black eye. You threw that plate with quite some anger…”

“Well.. Everyone is thinking I’m sleeping with you for A. the whole internship in the first place and B. for extra points. They think this because I AM staying at your guest room. They also say that the other tutors say you don’t get close to anyone really, and now you’re tutoring an intern. And since I’m a woman 1+1 makes 2.” You had a sad expression on your face and you hated the idea of making Loki feel bad.

“Oh! So that’s the reason why everyone’s been acting so weird... Like I said at the interview, you have something that interests me. But that doesn’t mean I want you as my personal little fucktoy like Tony does with his interns. And there was no place anymore at the intern’s wing, so I came up with an idea myself. Some humans are so stupid.” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Well, yeah. I know that, but the other 99,9% that walks here doesn’t.”

“I’m not going to explain myself to those children. And even if we did have a sexual relationship. It would be none of their business.” HE was so goddamn casual with al this sexual stuff, while I almost had a bleeding nose even trying to talk about it. Must be because he has like a thousand years of wisdom in his pretty head. You just stood there with a questioning face.

“I can tell, this isn’t your favorite subject to talk about?”

“No. But just let it go. I hope they’ll stop after what I just did, and if they don’t… I’m going to need those daggers of yours.” Loki smiled.

“That’s my girl.” You could feel a friendship starting to come together.

[ubeis-purpleyam]

Dream I had last night

I was somehow a very intelligent cyborg 3 year old girl wearing a pink night gown with no shoes and was wandering around this weird Detroit becomes human looking city. I was walking to the pier when I saw like a cyborg dude with this weird toothpaste curl hairdo on his front, like it just went up on the front. He was being kabedon'ed (or pinned) to a building by this big AI dude and I just get the vibe that they were dating and they were gay?? So the cyborg dude with the half metal face notices me literally beside his probably 6 ft tall AI boyfriend and smacks him and points at me, the big dude looks down at me and I smile....Now Imagen that dude stuck in the armor (forgot his name) from Full Metal Alchemist, that's his face but more copper lookin and he has farmer clothes on. His face like lights up (as in happy and surprised not literally lighting up) and he looks at the cyborg as if asking "Can I keep her?" and the cyborg dude says "Oh no! no you can't!" but I walked with them anyways to where ever they were going, the AI dude put his finger out for me to hold and the cyborg dude was holding a gun walking on the other lane away from us. The sky was beautiful, purple-ish pink with a hint of yellow and mixed with the faint lights of the houses by the beach it was extra pretty, I let go of his finger and twirl saying "Isn't it pretty? the sky is so pretty!" and the cyborg dude stops to look at the sky as if he had forgotten that not everything was disgusting and broken. Then the humans found us and they were led by this dude that looks like captain america wearing Conor's clothes, and while we were running away they activated something on the floor that disrupts electric thingies, so the AI dude and the cyborg were having trouble running away along with this robot that looks like that very smart robot from "I am robot". I told them to activate their anti-gravity and I'll just drag them along because the disruptor thing didn't affect me, so they did. I'm running, holding a grown ass man and an AI running with all my 3 year old might and I whip them forward and told them to "Go on! I'll hold em back!" I run into this side lane that leads to a beach and I can hear people gossiping that the dude leading the chase was my uncle, and while he was trying to fix my back plates he tried to take a peek of my no no square so I ran away. I was cornered by these robot things that looks square with exhaust on the bottom, they have those hands you see at claw machines. I charge at one of them, but before I got to attack them I woke up.

[foreverdrivinginpuddles123]

The internship (chapter 2) : That’s my girl

Okay so first: to prevent any confusion from happening. This Blog and Lokistories123 are both my blogs. This blog is the main blog and Lokistories123 is the side blog (with fanfiction and NSFW fanart). Also: let me know what you think of this story. I’m not the confident type of person.

 Your first official day as an intern.

You woke up by the sound of someone singing. When you quietly laid your head on the door that led to Loki’s room, you could hear it was him. It sounded like a lullaby. You opened the door.

“Hey, Good morning Loki.” Loki was a bit startled that you just opened the door, and he was even more frightened that you’d hear him sing.

“Uhm, hey… good morning Natasha.” You both exchanged smiled.

“How late is breakfast usually?”

“It’s pretty early, but it’s from 7 till 10.”

“That’s not bad. Thanks. I’m going to get dressed and have breakfast then.” You smiled at him and closed the door. You chose to wear black jeans with a white shirt and neon green shoes.

 “Good morning Natasha!” Jessica yelled from the other side of the room. You obviously weren’t fully awake yet. You rolled your eyes and smiled at her.

“Hey Jess.”

“Not yet awake, now are we? Did Loki keep you up all night?!” She giggled.

“OMG Jess, no he didn’t. What do you think that’s happening up there?”

“Oh nothing, just you trying to get some extra points” She winked at me and we both laughed.

“No, that’s not me. I’ll just write a pissed of essay on why I should deserve more points, if not done verbally.”

“That’s my girl.” You and Jess got along really well. And she enjoyed your sarcasm.

After 20 minutes when you and Jess were having one last coffee, Loki entered the dining hall. He threw some food on the plate and seated himself next to his brother Thor. You noticed he didn’t exchange one word the whole time. He wasn’t a morning person either. Jess was trained by Natasha Romanoff and Natasha picked her up to start the training

“See you later Nat!” Romanoff eyed her weirdly but then remembered that you shared a name.

“Later Jess!” You were now all by yourself at the intern table. You decided to grab a cup of tea with a cupcake to make the morning enjoyable. After you seated yourself again you noticed Loki walking towards you.

 Loki didn't even notice you until you stood up to grab something to drink. You weren’t allowed yet to sit where you wanted, so he decided that he would come to you. He really did want to bond with you, but he was afraid to be himself just yet. That was the reason he usually didn’t tutor any interns, because they were afraid of him. But somehow you were very casual around him and didn’t show any signs.

“How I hate mornings.” Loki said and grabbed Natasha’s cupcake, tore It in half and ate one half of it.

“Join the club. I switched to tea for now. But 90% of my veins are coffee in the morning.” You said sarcastically.

“So, I usually start the morning in the training halls. For most of my morning anger goes into that.”

“Yeah sure. I go where you go.”

“After that I’ll show you around the researching halls and medical halls, may you ever need those. Although I hope not.”

“Okay.” Loki was glad that you were okay with his plans.

 You both walked towards the training halls. But then everything came back to you: you were never really good ad defending yourself. When you entered the hall, you could see all sorts of people doing all sorts of “training”. There were different kind of weapons that people were training with: guns, bow ‘n arrows, blades, knifes, electric thingies. And then there were all sorts of fighting skills as well. You stopped walking and turned white. Loki noticed you weren’t walking besides him anymore and turned around.

“What? Did that cupcake turn you stomach?”

“Well… I never did anything that’s happening here right now.” Loki rolled his eyes at you.

“Isn’t that the whole reason you joined the intern program?”

“Not exactly, I thought my medical and technical skills would be at good use. I didn’t think I would be trained into a super spy.” You felt even more awkward since it was Loki you were talking to. You still had to keep away those fangirl feelings (if you know what I mean). You went from white to tomato red.

“Well, it depends on the tutor Natasha. I have little medical knowledge and no technical knowledge. What I do know is how to fight in battles. I’m Asgardian if you’ve forgotten.”

No, you didn’t forget. Look at this man. The divine was dripping off of him. You didn’t want to look like a total loser, so you made the decision for yourself that a bid of stamina wouldn’t hurt nobody.

“Yeah I haven’t forgotten. But before you kill me with impatience, we do have to start from scratch.” Loki shrugged.

“That’s why you’re an intern Nat. Now let’s pick a weapon first.”

 Instead of a banquet of foods, there was a banquet with all sorts of weapons. There was something about these daggers that took you interest. You grabbed them both and when you turned to Loki he was smirking.

“What?”

“Those are MY daggers.” Well fuck.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll pick something else.” Shit shit shit you thought to yourself. One way to start a trusted friendship by annoying the hell out of a god. Although if he would do anything, you’d probably say thank you anyway…

“It's fine. We’re here for you anyway. But we should ask for a second pair at HQ.”

You grabbed them both and Loki explained the whole art of throwing daggers and using them in fights. You sucked at first, but after a few tries to throw them at a close “target” (big board) you finally got one to stuck in the board.

“YES.” Was all you could manage to say, and Loki just smirked. You could tell he was enjoying it, but he wasn’t going to give in on the second day.

You trained for another two hours and then it was already 1 PM.

“Okay, Natasha. I think that’s enough for now. I’m starving. Let’s get lunch.” You wanted to go on and on and on, since you were finally getting the hang of it, but you decided to just listen to him before you’d get in trouble.

“Okay.” You handed Loki the daggers, and when he securely put them away again, you went back to the eating halls. It had turned from a breakfast feast into a lunching feast.

 Loki immediately went for the food and you went after him. But Loki didn’t seat himself at the table you were seated, no, he seated himself next to the Avengers. But he didn’t talk at all. You did feel a bit hurt. But you also understood the ranking systems. He was the tutor and you were the intern.

Jessica wasn’t there, and neither were James or Katherine. You did know the other interns, but they weren’t THAT nice too you. There were even a pair of guys throwing sexual comments at you the WHOLE time.

“Looking fine Holmes, what did you do?”

“How about you come to my room and I’ll show you some tutoring.”

“Is Loki a bottom or a top? How much work do you have to do to get those points?”

You didn’t even sit for 3 minutes, but you decided to call it quits and just wait for dinner and hope that some nice people would be there as well.

“SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLES!” you threw your plate with food at one guy and the other got the drink thrown at his head. You shoved the chair backwards with so much force that even the chair got damaged. You angrily walked out of the eating halls.

“NATASHA!” You could hear Loki calling after you. It wasn’t anger in his voice, but worry.

 You entered your door and slammed it shut as hard as you could. You were still smart enough to lock both doors. Quickly after that you heard someone knocking.

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“Nat? Are you okay? I just walked in when I saw you throwing your food at those guys. Is everything okay?” You could hear it was Jessica.

“Yeah, just some horny assholes. But I need some alone-time. Please.”

“Okay, if there’s anything I can do for you, just let me know.” You could hear Jessica walking away. You threw yourself on the bed and started tearing up a bit. What a hell this would be if those guys were to keep bothering you for a whole year!

 After a while you fell asleep and when you woke up there was a tall figure standing next to your bed. You quickly slammed your fist at it and went out of bed the other side.

“Ah, for fucks sake!” After your eye-sight finally woke up too, you noticed it was Loki that you just punched in the crotch area. He was in a bit of pain. You walked up to him to comfort him.

“Loki, I’m so sorry. I thought one of those sneaky bastards sneaked up in to my room, to do god knows what.”

“Nope. Just a sneaky bastard in general.” He said with a high voice.

“Oh my god, please don’t kill me.”

“Nat! Stop thinking that I’m going to kill you.”

“Sorry, I really am sorry!”

“It’s okay. We’re okay. If I knew you better I might say I need a kiss on my booboo, but let’s not do that.” He laughed. You didn’t know what to do, so you just stood there frozen.

“That was a Joke Natasha. You’re supposed to laugh at one.” Loki said smiling.

“I was pretty sure, that you were going to kill me after that!” You pointed at his crotch.

“Well, you had your reasons. I didn’t quite notice what was going on back there, but I did hear it from some other interns. Why are they making sex jokes?” You really didn’t feel very comfortable to even bring up that word to him, but you had some explaining to do.”

“One guy even has a black eye. You threw that plate with quite some anger…”

 “Well.. Everyone is thinking I’m sleeping with you for A. the whole internship in the first place and B. for extra points. They think this because I AM staying at your guest room. They also say that the other tutors say you don’t get close to anyone really, and now you’re tutoring an intern. And since I’m a woman 1+1 makes 2.” You had a sad expression on your face and you hated the idea of making Loki feel bad.

“Oh! So that’s the reason why everyone’s been acting so weird... Like I said at the interview, you have something that interests me. But that doesn’t mean I want you as my personal little fucktoy like Tony does with his interns. And there was no place anymore at the intern’s wing, so I came up with an idea myself. Some humans are so stupid.” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Well, yeah. I know that, but the other 99,9% that walks here doesn’t.”

“I’m not going to explain myself to those children. And even if we did have a sexual relationship. It would be none of their business.” HE was so goddamn casual with al this sexual stuff, while I almost had a bleeding nose even trying to talk about it. Must be because he has like a thousand years of wisdom in his pretty head. You just stood there with a questioning face.

“I can tell, this isn’t your favorite subject to talk about?”

“No. But just let it go. I hope they’ll stop after what I just did, and if they don’t… I’m going to need those daggers of yours.” Loki smiled.

“That’s my girl.” You could feel a friendship starting to come together.

[oldscarredlove]

AfterGone - Part 2/3

Part 1 - http://scarredlove.tumblr.com/post/158033060124/aftergone-part-13 The Origins of AG

Error, Geno > @loverofpiggies Ink > @comyet Fell > (Don’t know)

—CONTINUE— Silence has been the only thing I’ve heard, other than the imaginary voices of the other monsters before they were massacred, so after a few minutes of self-loathing, you could imagine my shock when I heard a glitchy Rip and very real, confused voice ask:

“What’s this place, Error?”

I immediately put up my hood, the electric blue fluff hiding my cracked face, and looked over the edge of the roof, seeing two skeletons leave some sort of void thingy.

“It seems this is another Genocide universe.” The one in front said, his voice seemed to be glitched and sounded annoyed at the other skeleton.

His jacket was black with the hood being dark blue, his shorts were black also with a light-blue strip on the sides and wore dark slippers. His skull was black, his eye-sockets red with blue tear marks and yellow teeth, he had little black and white particles and the word ‘ERROR’ surrounding him.

The second one was shorter, his bones were pearly-white and I could see his expression of confusion. He had a blue cloth tied around his neck, gloves in the same shade of blue and wore silver armour with dark bottoms and heeled boots. When I squinted to see his eyes, I could see they were baby-blue and large, I secretly hoped I won’t have to harm him.

They were such a contrast, black and red against blue and white, in the back of my head I questioned how and why they were here but I was more angry than anything. Well, my home was basically invaded… And I never wanted anyone to see the mess I got myself into…

Look at all these graves,” the error pointed to my handy work, “this obviously didn’t have a friendly human.” I nodded to myself and his statement.

The smaller skeleton stopped in front of Papyrus’ grave and I immediately lost my chill, I jumped off the roof and landed in a crouch, quickly standing up and walking behind their backs preparing to FIGHT.

“It seems this universe had a Papyrus like UnderTale…” The blue skeleton knelt before her grave, his voice carrying a mournful tone. My eye suddenly started to glow as my anger grew, questioning why he felt sorry, if anyone should feel bad it was me.

“I have no idea who you are or where you came from.” They froze and turned to me, eye-sockets widening at the sight of me. “But get out… Before I get really mad.”

The blueberry held up his hands and tried to reason with me. “H-Hey we were only curious to what this place wa-”

The black skeleton sighed in frustration. “Talking isn’t going to help with this situation, Blueberry.” He took out his skeletal hands out of his pockets, this tips of his multi-coloured hands tied up with blue strings. He raised his hand at me and the strings shot forward, aiming at me.

I allowed my right hand to crystallize and shield my skull, ending up having threads wrap around it, I heard gasps of both amazement and fear. “I’ve had ENOUGH.” I sliced the threads and lowered my hand. “Leave, now.”

Error grinned evilly. “I was only looking. You’re a new AU and I wanted to check it out, see what there is to see, ya know, before it ends.” I glanced away for a brief second, I’ve always thought it already had ended.

“Nothing to see here, I’m ‘fraid.” I frowned at his words.

“Oh, I can see that,” his grin widened, “But this is so fascinating. A female Sans and the only one left.” I felt my eye-sockets get larger. How did he know my name? What did he mean by ‘a female Sans’? “There’s a grave for every monster, Papyrus and the human are also included. Did you manage to defeat them?”

“You don’t know anything…” My voice had become a whisper.

“I don’t,” he agreed, “but I want to.”

Far from it but those words never left my mouth, I was incapable of talking, when the blueberry frowned and took a step toward me, that seemed to jolt me back to life.

“What are you doing?”

“Trust me, I got this Error!” He attempted to smile at me, possibly to make me relax and open around him, but I made sure to keep any information of my world away from him. “H-Hi, my name’s UnderSwap Sans but everyone calls me Blueberry. What’s yours?”

What a stupid question, especially since that ‘Error’ guy got it. “It’s Sans…” He then asked me to show my face, I didn’t feel comfortable with doing so and he understood which was nice. The black skeleton scowled and looked over the ocean of sticks and stones.

Blueberry then offered me to come to the ‘Omega Timeline’, apparently it was full of Sanses and Papyruses, all of which either came from different alternate universes. I declined instantly, after what I’ve done? I don’t deserve it… But then again, this was the first time in a long while that I’ve spoken to someone, someone that actually existed.

As I turned away from the odd duo, I shoved my hands into my pockets and started to head in, until a broken voice questioned. “You live here alone, right?” “Yeah, what of it?”

“How much have you eaten?” I halted and felt my cheekbones flush, it’s been a few days since I’ve been trying to preserve my resources.

“Oh! That’s right! In the void, we can provide you with plenty to eat and drink! Or at least, those who can actually cook. I, the magnificent Sans, shall make you the best tacos you’ll ever have!”

I hate those two… — As soon as I stepped in, I was flabbergasted by the amount of look-a-likes, some looked evil, some seemed happy and few were a mixture. It was very odd, I’ve forgotten what it was like to be part of a crowd.

The void or Omega Timeline, whatever you wanna call it, doesn’t actually look as blank as you’d think. It looked like just an ordinary house, the main room was a gigantic living area with a kitchen and a dining room next door (which I can guarantee is enormous) with a several few bedrooms in the back.

All the Papyrus almost made me lose my cool, at first all I saw was my sister in different outfits until I blinked and saw all the different men. One Papyrus noticed me come through and thought I’d be funny to throw me a bone, aiming for my soul, I dodged a nanosecond before it hit me and glared at him.

According to Blueberry, he was UnderFell Papyrus, although most called his Edge or something along those lines. I didn’t even want to go near the pair but I did see a few good-lookers there if I do say so myself. I tried not to giggle when one of these said ‘Good-Lookers’ glanced at me, probably feeling my eyes on them.

“The spaghetti is finished!” Those words killed whatever positive feeling I had, all I felt right then was numbness, thinking I’d see a happy sister come out of the odd kitchen. It was a Papyrus that came through wearing a stained apron but I was filled with disappointment when I realized it wasn’t my Papyrus.

I knew my sister was dead, so why did I hope it was?

“Ah! You’re the newest Sans?” I nodded at the hyperactive skeleton. “I’m from UnderTale, come to the table and select whatever dish you want!” His smile and speech was so much like my sister that I had a deep desire to hug him and cry.

Many universes headed toward the kitchen to receive a plate of whatever they felt like. I looked behind me and felt sick all of a sudden, all I could see was a long corridor full of grey doors with words written onto them and having a closer investigation of them I realized these lead to the other AUs that existed.

“Here! Have some of my famous spaghetti!” Turning around, I see UnderTale Papyrus handing me a plate of pasta, steaming and covered in sauce. I sat down on one of the many couches and gazed at the plate, memories flashing before my eyes.

“Sans! I finally learnt how to cook spaghetti!” “I’ve improved! Try it Sans!” A sad smile rose to my mouth, I twirled a fork in the pasta and felt a tear slither down my cheekbone.before taking a bite. — I was back in my AU, the snowy ground cooling off my hot head. I didn’t feel good at all, after having a bit of that pasta, I immediately wanted to be sick so my first thought was to return and spit it all out. After finishing, I got up only to take a few steps and be sick again, I fell onto the ground with my head spinning and my face burning.

Opening my eyes, I thought back to all those AUs, they were all so kind and entertaining, the best company I’ve had in a long time. Even UnderFell was fun. Sitting up, I rested my forehead onto my knee and thought of what to do. I have a new place to go now, somewhere new and joyful… but was I ready? Ready to take that leap back into sanity and life?

I’ve been frozen in time for such a long period of time that I almost forget that nothing is actually changing, expect my body although my state of mind has stayed the same. As I looked back at the grey door now set up next to the door to my old work-space, I sat there in silence, rehearing the cries and yells of those I’d killed… — As I returned to the void a Sans Blueberry introduced me to as Geno Sans, the lone survivor of AfterTale, greeted me with his expression quickly turning to one of shock.

“You’re skull… It’s-”

“Yeah,” I raised my hands up to my shoulders and smiled a genuine smile for the first time in who knows how long, “I know.” I searched around for Blueberry but saw no sign of him, guessing he’d returned back to his own home. I turned back to Geno. “UnderSwap Sans told me of your story…”

He nodded mournfully, he had every right to be upset. “Everyone knows everyone here.”

I couldn’t help but to smirk at that comment, of course we all would, we’re the same people but with altered personalities. I looked up to Geno and said. “We’re very much alike, so from now on… I’d like to be called AfterGone Sans.” —PAUSE—

[radio-active-imagination]

Ghosts, Kimchi, and Clogged Toilets (Fanfic)

Summary:  A few days before Halloween, ghosts begin terrorizing BTS. Set around Halloween 2014.

Night 1 a few days before halloween, jimin was practicing his lip biting and sexy faces in a bathroom mirror. wow, I am hot, he thought to himself. suddenly a ghost appeared behind him. it had a rotting face, was wrapped in a white sheet, and smelled like unwashed armpits.

jimin thought it was himself at first, and screamed in horror. then the ghost grabbed him by the shoulder and cackled in a low, demonic voice. "hi," it said quietly. "what is it?" said jungkook from the other room. "do you have a zit?" "j-j-jungkook," stammered jimin. "help." jungkook came into the bathroom. "hyung, jinjja--gaaah!" he jumped back against the doorframe. the ghost dumped rotten egg and kimchi on them and then ran out, its shoes squeaking on the floor.

the next day in the practice room, jungkook and jimin told everyone about it. v's eyes were very big as jungkook described the ghost. "it went past me into the bathroom. it smelled like unwashed armpits, but I ignored it because I thought it was suga," said jungkook. j-hope giggled and suga gave jungkook a look that could have boiled tungsten.

Night 2 jin had to go get rapmon's ipod from his room because his died. with the hallway light, jin looked at the horrific state of the dark room. "rapmon..." he sighed. carefully, he picked his way over to the room's light switch. suddenly, a sheet clad figure arose from a pile of suga's ripped jeans, right next to jin. jin squeaked in fear, stumbled, and fell on his butt. jin wasn't very scared though, because this ghost had just a floral-patterned sheet draped over its body. it gave jin a wet willy and ran out.

Night 3 v opened a closet and a mannequin dressed as suga fell out. it was smelly and had ugly eyes. but the real suga was sleeping in the practice room.

Night 4 v was taking a shower. when he came out, someone had written "HELO" in the steam on the mirror. he blinked his big eyes in soft, cowlike surprise. rapmon came in to get his toothbrush, and snorted when he saw the mirror. "v u spelled that wrong." "i didn't write it," said v, his eyes big and innocent. rapmon dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.

several hours later, bts depressedly sat down outside the bathroom. They had tried to get rapmon's toothbrush out of the toilet with some wire hangars, their hands, the toilet brush, and the plunger, but had only succeeded in overflowing the toilet and half flooding the bathroom. It was 3 AM, so they couldn't call a plumber. j-hope's hair looked like a rat had been chewing on it, and v smelled like a toilet. jungkook was trying to hold his breath. "i think those ghosts are out to get us," said jimin. "why, though?" jin wondered. "we haven't done anything bad or anything that would make ghosts want to haunt us...have we?" everyone slowly shook their heads.

Night 5 v was going to get in j-hope's bed. but when he touched the blankets, they shocked him with static electricity. j-hope moved. The blanket crackled and lit up with static electricity, and j-hope's eyes glowed in the dark!! after v's sudden shock of fear melted away like butter on a hot skillet, he saw that the eyes were glow in the dark googly eyes stuck on j-hope's face. v giggled his deep giggle and pulled the eyes off. j-hope woke up, saw the eyes, and screamed like a little girl. he jerked backwards and banged his head on the wall.

after that, j-hope decided to stay up and catch the ghosts. he didn't have to wait long. a ghost started sneaking up to jin's room. j-hope tiptoed up and tapped the ghost on the shoulder. "boo," he said. the ghost turned around to see j-hope grinning manaically. the ghost screamed at the sight of j-hope's face. it sounded like a chipmunk. j-hope screamed at the sight of the ghost's face. it was wearing a scream mask. they both ran away in opposite directions.

Night 6 rapmon was in the kitchen looking for the last ramen packet that suga had hidden. suddenly he smelled a wave of grandma perfume and mothballs and saw a flutter of floral-patterned sheet out of the corner of his eye. the ghost jumped him. rapmon flailed his arms like one of those floppy gas station tube thingies caught in a hurricane, but managed to grab a plate and smash it over the ghost's head on the way down. Unfortunately, he also grabbed the ghost's sheet too, pulling it on top of him like they were in a romantic K-drama. hearing the crash, jin rushed to the door and peeked his head around the frame. He blinked his gorgeous giant camel eyes slowly. "rapmon?" he called, only seeing a sheet amongst a pile of broken objects. the ghost rubbed ground-up ramen in rapmon's face and sashayed out.

Night 7 bts was in the practice room late, finishing up some choreography. jimin and jungkook had started screwing around, pinching v, rapmon, and jin and pretending to be the ghosts. suddenly the real ghosts came in, all three of them. bts was so surprised, it was like the spanish inquisition had just come in. j-hope screamed like a little girl and jumped into rapmon's arms. he staggered under j-hope's 68,038 grams. suga walked up to the nearest ghost and bitch slapped it across its cheeks. it let out a sharp howl of pain, like when you step on a lego. suga pulled off the scream mask and sheet, and it was................... .....................baekhyun!

"baekhyun??" said rapmon in disbelief. "you were the ghost??" "me and kai and taemin," baekhyun squeaked. he pulled off the voice changer. "sm sent us to distract and upset you." "you were getting too popular," said taemin from under the floral pattern sheet. "why couldnt someone from girls' generation do it?" jimin muttered. "it wasn't a very good idea," kai admitted, taking off the rotting face mask. "tao took one look at me and started crying and chanyeol insisted on taking a selfie with me." he took off the growl voice changer. "tao couldn't speak korean for three days after." "it also wasn't helpful when lay purposely started mistranslating everything tao said into something sexual," taemin sighed.

The Spanish Inquisition.

also on my ao3

Notes:

1. Yes, my first language is English. The bad grammar, spelling, and punctuation is intentional. 2. Most of this is made up, but I did see somewhere that V likes crawling into other peoples' beds to sleep/cuddle with them. :) I doubt there's much of a rivalry (if any) between EXO, SHINee, and BTS. 3. I have no idea how much J-Hope actually weighs. 4. This is a stupid crackfic. 5. This is a work of fanfiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a greatly exaggerated manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is partially coincidental, mostly fabricated, and should not be construed as a genuine portrayal of such.