#one of them was the famous broadway musical that everybody loves

[pardonmydelays]

hey no offence but my life will be better than this, my life will be worse than this, but right now it's just right now and in a second it will be gone-

[allergictocolor]

Character Profile - Lurch

“This towering mute has been shambling around the house forever. He is not a very good butler, but a faithful one. He is often sent on local errands to pick the awful herbs from the garden, for instance, but will often forget the most important ingredient of all, say Eye of Newt. He is shamefaced about his oversight and the object of good-natured ridicule from the family. The children are his favorites and [he] guards them against good influences at all times. One eye is opaque; the scanty hair is damply clinging to his narrow, flat head. He will gladly undertake to dump the boiling oil on the carol singers, but, generally, the family regards him as something of a joke.” - Chas Addams

Lurch was never meant to look like Frankenstein’s monster. In fact, in his first appearance in the comics (below) he didn’t even look like Lurch. He had the appearance of a butler, but he had a round, full head of hair, complete with a beard, and didn’t tower over Morticia nearly as much as he would later on. In his second appearance, and those subsequent, he had the recognizable look and shambling gait that would cause many to assume he was some manner of undead.

Lurch was always depicted in connection with the Addams family’s home. When he wasn’t with the family, he was somewhere in the house, fixing or working on something. We can assume from Charles Addams’ description that we should believe Lurch was doing a bad job at the task at hand.

In the 1960s TV show, they decided not to make him a mute, but instead a man of few words. Here, he birthed his famous catchphrase “You rang?”, which has endured throughout the years. He also had an exasperated groan that was accompanied by an eye roll and was the answer to many of the ridiculous things he had to deal with. When he did speak, his voice was gruff, and the words came out slowly. At times, this made him seem slow witted, but the family did not treat him like a joke.

Every room in the house had a noose hanging from the ceiling, and Lurch had an uncanny ability to appear mere moments after a member of the family pulled on one to summon him. Pulling on a noose would have the effect of sounding a loud gong and shaking the entire house. If that didn’t work, they had tiny little tabletop gongs, which illogically had the exact same effect. Lurch nearly always showed up ready to do his job, and took great pride in his work, contrary to Charles Addams’ original brief.

I was surprised by how many of the sitcom’s plots revolved around Lurch. There was one where his mother visited, and he had told her that he owned the house, so Gomez and Morticia pretended to be his servants. In another, the whole family pitches in to teach him how to dance in time for the “Butler’s Ball”. One episode nearly ends with him leaving the mansion because Morticia promises to donate the family’s antique harpsichord to charity. Lurch loves playing the harpsichord. He does it in most of the sitcom episodes, often playing the theme song, in fact. And future Lurches are similarly musically inclined:

The most surprising sitcom episode was “Lurch, the Teenage Idol”. In it, he inadvertently records a song and becomes a pop sensation. Teenagers are suddenly mobbing the house to get near him, and he can’t leave the house due to all the attention. The episode isn’t surprising on its own, but because it spawned a dance craze. “The Lurch” was introduced on an ABC show called Shindig! If you want to see the dance, along with some clips from the sitcom, go here.

That’s not the only Lurch who sings. In the Broadway musical, he surprised the family by singing near the end of the show. In the 2019 animated film, he sings a high-pitched version of REM’s “Everybody Hurts”, and in the sequel he sings Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive".

So, is Lurch a zombie? Is he a Frankenstein? (Shut up. You know what I mean.) It’s hard to say. In the Hanna-Barbera cartoons, he certainly looks like he could be. He has grey skin in one and blue skin in the other. He has grey skin again in the 90s movies and a…unique appearance in the 3D animated films. But no one comes out and says he’s a zombie. He never has bolts in his neck, or is reanimated by electricity. In the 1991 film, he drinks a glass of poison without dying, but that’s to be expected of any member of this weird family.

Perhaps we’ll get some answers in season two of Wednesday on Netflix. Due to scheduling conflicts with George Burcea, who played him in the first season, Lurch will be played by another actor, most likely Joonas Suotamo. Suotamo was Chewbacca in the Star Wars sequel trilogy, and is the only actor listed in the upcoming season tall enough to fill Lurch’s enormous shoes. We haven’t heard this Lurch say anything yet. (It was Tyler who got to say “You Rang?”) Perhaps when he speaks, if he does, we’ll find out a little more about the family’s faithful butler.

[moorheadthanyoucanhandle]

THE BOOK WAS BETTER

One more list for 2023: Time once again to post the list of books I moved my lips to during the year just past. As always, this doesn't include articles, short stories, comic books, poems, cereal boxes, Bazooka Joe wrappers, road signs, scoreboards, skywriting, graffiti, or "the room":

N or M? by Agatha Christie

Anti-Semite and Jew by Jean-Paul Sartre

The Long March by William Styron

Hyperion by Friedrich Hölderlin

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume

Understudy for Death by Charles Willeford

The Coven by E. Howard Hunt

What Makes Sammy Run? by Budd Schulberg

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood by Quentin Tarantino

The Making of Another Major Motion Picture Masterpiece by Tom Hanks

The White Mountains by John Christopher

The City of Gold and Lead by John Christopher

The Pool of Fire by John Christopher

As usual, I must start by sheepishly noting how embarrassingly short this list is; nowhere near the optimistic length I was hoping for at the beginning of the year. But it was still a fine year's reading, kicking off with the appallingly still-relevant Anti-Semite and Jew, one of several books I pulled off the shelves at my late sister's house in Virginia as momentos when The Kid and I were back there in January for her's and my brother-in-law's funeral (my sister and her husband died less than a month apart).

The only book-length work I've ever read by Sartre, it offers, in its earlier chapters, the best, most concise distillation of the bigoted mindset that I've ever read. In the later chapters Sartre gets pretty deep in the weeds about the motivations of "inauthentic" Jews in ways that seemed to me presumptuous. But it's still an extraordinary read.

Another I pulled from my sister's shelves was Budd Shulberg's What Makes Sammy Run? This turned out to be the first of three novels in a row I read about moviemaking, all by inarguable Hollywood insiders. The title character of Schulberg's famous 1941 yarn is the conniving Brooklyn-born hustler Sammy Glick, who runs up the ladder from newspaper copy boy to studio mogul, exploiting and stepping on everybody in his path.

Supposedly Sam Goldwyn offered Schulberg money to keep the book from being made into a movie; it remains unproduced as a feature to this day, though it was done as an early TV play and a successful Broadway musical. Goldwyn is said to have called it "doublecrossing the Jews," though as Schulberg pointed out, most of Sammy's victims in the story are also Jewish. In any case, Sammy's deviousness and sociopathic mendacity are an American archetype that transcends race. My biggest take-away from the book was that, bad as Sammy is, he's still less odious than our 45th President.

Tarantino's Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is his 2021 reimagining, as a popular '70s-era paperback, of his own 2019 movie set in Tinseltown (and elsewhere) in 1969. As with the movie, it freely mixes real-life figures with fictitious characters, movies, TV shows and incidents, sometimes ridiculing sacred cows (Bruce Lee, most notably), sometimes forging into the realm of alternate history.

The book is not, however, a "novelization" in the usual sense; though he uses the same characters as in the movie, he presents them mostly in different episodes. The boyish wishful-thinking fantasy of revisionist violence with which he climaxes the film is referred to only in passing in the novel, around mid-point, while backstories and interior perspectives are explored in detail. I loved the film, but even if you didn't, you might like the book; I think I liked it a little better.

There's a sort of guileless stylistic freedom with which Tarantino writes prose fiction that I found highly enviable. For instance, throughout the novel he keeps describing a (fictitious) episode of the (real) '60s TV show Lancer on which his faded cowboy star hero has a juicy guest role as a villain. As Tarantino omnisciently describes the episode's plot, and warms to it, said plot gradually, and seemingly without conscious transition, takes over the narrative so that we no longer seem to be reading a story-within-a-story; we're just reading a good ripping western yarn.

Then when we shift back to the Hollywood story, it seems similarly artless and unfussy. This unpretentious feel may, of course, be an effect that Tarantino carefully worked to attain. But I doubt it; I think he's just lucky enough not to know better; blessedly unfettered by the "rules" of fiction writing.

Third in my unofficial Hollywood trilogy was The Making of Another Major Motion Picture Masterpiece by Tom Hanks. This one, which traces the genesis, development and shooting of a big-budget superhero flick based on a '60s-era underground comic, is also stuffed with stories-within-the-story, including two well-done fake vintage comic books, one a gung-ho '40s WWII-era flamethrower tale and the other a parody of it from the San Francisco underground scene of the '60s.

I understand the reviews for this shaggy-dog debut novel were cool at best, but I really enjoyed it. As drama it's a little mild, admittedly, with most of the characters, and especially the movie's good guy director, behaving quite respectfully and decently toward each other in a distinctly Hanksian manner. I found this sort of refreshing, and the author's digressions and obsessively-imagined worlds came to life for me. The book's overriding point seems to be that movies are made not so much by visionary artists as by relentless problem solvers.

Perhaps not surprisingly, therefore, his most vivid creation is his portrait of an insufferable young actor who's cast in the male lead and instantly paralyzes the production with his raging narcissism and unprofessionalism. The novel could have used more of this guy, and inevitably it makes you wonder if Hanks was thinking of anybody in particular.

Also, I appreciated that Hanks threw a shout-out to my beloved hometown of Erie, Pennsylvania (where he also set his directorial debut That Thing You Do!). 

Elsewhere on this blog I commented on The Coven by E. Howard Hunt and William Styron's The Long March. My year-end choice was more relaxing; I finally got around to John Christopher's "Tripods" trilogy of The White Mountains, The City of Gold and Lead and The Pool of Fire, which I'd been curious about since elementary school. Good stuff; I would have enjoyed them greatly back in my younger days. That's what I get for being lazy.

I also took on Hölderlin's Hyperion (1797), which, like The Long March, I picked up at the VNSA book sale. It's a philosophical yarn--it probably influenced Nietzche and Heidegger more than it did other novelists--written in a heightened poetic language, hence pages and pages of rhapsodizing about Love and Nature and the Beauty of Greece (where Hölderlin never set foot) and the superiority of classical Greek culture to modern culture. It can wear you down after a while, even if you more or less share his feelings.

A sample: At one point the titular hero is holding forth to his lover Diotima:

“‘Let me,’ I cried, ‘let me be yours, let me forget myself, let all the life of the body and spirit in me fly but to you; but to you, in blissful, endless contemplation! O Diotima! So did I once stand, too, before the shadowy divine image that my love created for itself; before the idol of my lonely dreams; I nourished it faithfully; I animated it with my life, with my heart’s hopes I refreshed it, warmed it, but it gave me nothing save what I had given, and when I had become impoverished, it left me poor; and now! Now I have you in my arms and I feel the breath of your breast, and feel your eyes in mine, your beautiful presence flows into all my senses, and I can bear it, now I possess all that is most glorious, and tremble no longer, yes! Truly I am not he who I was, Diotima! I have become like you, and divinity plays with divinity like children playing together!’”

To which Diotima replies:

“‘But try to be a little calmer,’ she said.”

That was my favorite line in the book.

[daydreamingleclerc]

i won’t say i’m in love - a mason mount story

plot summary: 

declan’s younger sister Y/N Rice is famous in the opposite world to her brother - the world of theatre. after returning from a three year stint on Broadway, she returns better than ever and nothing like the girl she was before. despite being nothing like she was, declan’s best friend brings back past memories and it makes her remember everything she once was. the past - full of lingering touches and almost-words - haunts both of them and opens the floodgates to one night at her brothers wedding that has the possibility to ruin everything they’ve ever known. 

0.1 - what’d i miss? 

teaser

         ~ Y/N returns from america, and people from the past are brought back into her life with big surprises. 

0.2 - seventeen 

teaser

        ~ flashback chapter. the story of Y/N and mason’s past, and Y/N adjusts back to life in england.

0.3 - dancing through life

teaser

        ~ Y/N starts her run in the sound of music, meanwhile declan tries to get mason to open up about why he’s been so quiet.

0.4 - limited edition prom night special*

teaser

       ~ flashback chapter. the story of how Y/N loses herself to mason even though they know it’s wrong. (18+)

0.5 - take me or leave me 

teaser

~ Y/N feels vulnerable once again when she lays her heart on her sleeve at the rehearsal dinner.

0.6 - the wedding 

teaser

        ~ as the night of her brothers wedding arises, Y/N finds herself in the arms of his best friend once more. things get complicated when her brother comes knocking. (18+)

0.7 - only us 

teaser

      ~ both Y/N and mason pray they’ve made the right decisions. 

0.8 - stupid with love

teaser

      ~ the puzzle pieces finally begin to fit into place. (18+)

SONG LIST: 

0.1 - what’d i miss? - hamilton

0.2 - seventeen - heathers 

0.3 - dancing through life - wicked

0.4 - limited edition prom night special - everybody’s talking about jamie

0.5 - the wedding - les miserables

0.6 - take me or leave me - rent

0.7 - only us - dear evan hansen

0.8 - stupid with love - mean girls 

*it’s Y/N’s sixth form prom - she’s 18, he’s 19

[flora-garcia]

{ SELENA GOMEZ, TWENTY ONE, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER } Is that FLORA GARCIA? A JUNIOR originally from NEW YORK CITY, they decided to come to Ogden College to study THEATER. They’re THE CYNIC on campus, but even they could get blamed for Greer’s disappearance.

CHARACTER STATS:

BIRTHDAY: June 27, 2001

ZODIAC: ☼ Cancer ☾ Taurus ↑ Sagittarius

THREE POSITIVE TRAITS: Witty, loyal, protective

THREE NEGATIVE TRAITS: Spiteful, tactless, suspicious

THREE SKILLS: Can do cartwheels, perfect vision, very good at illustration

CHARACTER INSPIRATIONS: Ava Daniels (Hacks), Bianca Del Rio (RuPaul’s Drag Race), Hilda Suarez (Ugly Betty), Liz Lemon (30 Rock), Mare Sheehan (Mare of Easttown), Patti Harrison

MBTI: ENTP

EIGHT TV TROPES: The Ace, Jerk with a Heart of Gold, Deadpan Snarker, Black Comedy, Nightmare Fetishist, Lady Swears-a-Lot, Nerdy Bully, Freudian Excuse

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

FIVE FAVORITE SONGS: The Less I Know the Better - Tame Impala, LES - Childish Gambino, 212 - Azealia Banks, Venus Fly - Grimes, Woman - Doja Cat

FIVE FAVORITE MOVIES: The Social Network, Seven Psychopaths, Party Monster, The Favourite, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

FIVE FAVORITE BOOKS: Social Studies, A Series of Unfortunate Events, A Woman of No Importance, Angels in America, Slow Days Fast Company

FIVE FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Shrill, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Hacks, 30 Rock, Arrested Development

EXTRACURRICULARS: Improv club

DETAILED ZODIAC: Mercury Gemini, Venus Gemini, Mars Libra, Jupiter Gemini, Saturn Gemini. Obviously a Gemini Stellium on 9th house.

RELATIONSHIP TO GREER

Flora and Greer weren’t close friends but they both loved partying, they would always see each other in parties (especially in the wildest ones), those places were the only ones they had a few of shallow conversations. They also shared a dealer.

HOW THEY EMBODY THEIR SKELETON TROPE.

Perhaps being the only precious daughter of a fairly known Broadway actress and a famous playwright turned Flora into a bitter, cynical woman after witnessing too many atrocities she shouldn’t have at a very young age. Her parents’ marriage didn’t last very long, she was five years old when her mother left her father because of his affair with a much younger Broadway actress. After the divorce, she was raised by her mother and spent most of her time in rehearsals. The awful treatment her mother faced in theater circles over the course of years and the fucked up people she met in her father’s fancy soirées, she quickly decided that the world, indeed, was a bad place.

ADDITIONAL IC QUESTIONS

“Popularity isn’t supposed to matter past high school, but do you think Ogden has a popular crowd? Like…Greer was popular, wasn’t she?”

I don't think, I am sure Ogden has a popular crowd. It doesn't really bother me because unlike high school, in college you get to curate your experience. If you don't want to deal with obnoxious popular kids, then don't go near them. There are tons of other places to be. That's the beauty of college. Anyway, back to your question. Greer was one of the most popular kids, if not the most popular one. I mean, the fact you are here and questioning me about it proves that. I don't think people would even notice if a nobody disappeared for a month or two.

“Would you ever disappear like she did? Assuming Greer arranged this, which, knowing Greer…“

Absolutely. I think everybody has the urge, you know? Like, move to Mexico and start a band when things get too much. Then again, in my case, I would have to look for another job because I can't sing. I can't play any instruments, either. Wait, what was the question again?

MINI BIO / TRIVIA

Flora was born and raised in NYC. East Village NATION RISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her mom is a Broadway actress. She has been in a bunch of musicals. Her papa is a very famous playwright and theater director. (think of Bob Fosse)

Flora, on the other hand, HATES musicals with passion. Except Rent. She likes that one only.

She attended Saint Ann’s School, known for its strength in performing arts.

Trilingual bitch here. English, Spanish and French.

She took a gap year after high school, traveled around Europe. Spent a few months in Berlin. She loved it there.

Many people speculate the sole reason Flora got into Ogden’s theater program is her parents, but that’s actually not true. She has talent. However, she has no interest in being an actress. She is into stand-up comedy.

Insult comedy is what I would use to describe her comedy style. She loves roasting people. Nothing is sacred, and certainly no one is safe.

She got kicked out of the campus group chat twice for memelording.

A total troll.

Bisexual. Out and proud.

Certified Grimes fan. 

She has a little Barbie jeep and she drives that through campus 

[kleptonancydrew]

Nancy Drew and Education

So apparently the Clue Crew is full of teachers? Who knew. Well, as a former homeschooled student, current teacher, and (hopefully) future homeschooling parent/teacher I have been planning on integrating the games into lessons for a long time. Below the cut I have just a few of my many ideas (some more fleshed out than others). Feel free to use, adapt, or add your own! 

SCK:

-        Braille

o   How blind/vision impaired people navigate the world

§  How we can make it more accessible for them

o   How do braille books and printers work

-        ASL

o   Memorizing the alphabet and basic signs

§  Build up fluency

o   How HOH/deaf people navigate the world

§  How we can make it more accessible for them  

o   Connections of ASL to other signed languages

§  French Sign Language versus British Sign Language

-        Dangers of gas leaks

o   What to do if you smell or hear gas

-        Inequalities between mens and womens sporting opportunities

o   See Women’s Soccer

-        What are performance enhancing drugs

o   What is the difference between #steroids and the steroids your doctor might prescribe

-        How drug running is a gateway crime

-        Why blackmailing people isn’t good

-        More reasons to never move to Florida

-        Why you shouldn’t go to an actual high school part one

 STFD:

-        Television in NYC

o   Soap Operas

o   How television sets work

o   Role of director

o   Teleprompters

o   Props

o   Agents

-        Theatre in NY

o   Broadway

§  Learn a show

o   Carnegie Hall

-        Dangers in the ways we obsess over celebrities

o   Paparazzi

o   Stalkers

o   Respecting privacy

-        NY taxi system

-        NY regional accents

-        NY as a center for immigration – salad bowl

o   Ellis Island

-        History of NYC

o   Geography of NYC

-        Typewriters

-        Towers of Hanoi

-        Encoding  

-        How to make chocolates (with or without poison)

-        Read along:

o   New York the Novel (Edward Rutherford)

o   The Power Broker

o   All of a Kind Family

 MHM:

-        San Francisco Gold Rush

-        Earthquake and Fires in San Fran

-        Golden Gate Bridge

-        Angel Island

o   Asian (Chinese) Immigration to the USA

-        Chinese Zodiac

-        Fortune telling (and why it’s not okay)

-        Bed and Breakfasts

-        San Francisco today

o   Technology boom

o   Overpriced everything

§  How this hurts established residents

§  Homelessness in San Fran

-        Bandits in the American West

-        Hauntings in American buildings

-        How to remove and install tile

-        Renovations – refurbish something

-        Antiques

o   Visit an antique shop

-        Importance of fire safety

-        How to install lighting fixtures properly

-        How to fix a dumbwaiter

o   How not to be a dumb waiter

-        Tangrams

-        What is the Victorian period

o   Significance of Queen Victoria

-        Read Along:

o   Little Brother

o   Paper Son: Lee’s Journey to America

o   Angel Island Gateway to Golden Mountain

 TRT:

-        The French Revolution

o   Marie Antoinette

o   Women and the French Revolution

o   Worldwide effects of the Revolution

o   Historians of the French Revolution

-        Writing history

o   How we can focus on different events in history, how we can be sympathetic to certain people, how we can fulfill different spaces in the historical narrative, criticism of history as a field, entering history as a field

-        Wisconsin Dairy industry

-        Alarm systems and how they work

-        Fingerprinting

-        Elevator safety

-        Ski lifts

o   Skiing

-        Vandalism

-        Taking care of libraries

-        Latitude and longitude

-        Keeping records of good events and bad events

o   Nothing you do will ever stop me from loving you

-        Some people keep different sleep schedules

-        Journalism

-        Making translations  

-        Why France has different holidays – to keep the ski lodges from getting too full

 FIN:

-        History of theatre spaces

-        Use of film at theatres

-        Magicians

o   Houdini

o   Learn a ‘magic’ trick

-        Library of Congress

-        Demolition – wrecking balls

o   What’s involved

-        Plaster casts

-        Historic register of buildings

o   Visit a local historic building

-        Price of concessions and movie tickets today

-        Nickelodeons

-        Celebrity stunts for attention from press

o   Celebrity endorsements

-        Jazz music

o   Dancing

-        Kidnapping stories

o   What to do if someone tries to grab you

-        Rubber vs. electricity

-        Art/artists of the 20s

 SSH:

-        Numbering systems (particularly ones not based on 10)

-        Cultures of South America

o   Maya

§  Cultural understandings

§  Connections to what appears at Beech Hill

o   Aztec

o   Inca

-        Myths of lesser civilizations because of European preconceptions

-        Why do countries have consulates/embassies in other countries

-        What is amnesia and other medical memory issues

-        Provenance and why its important part one

-        Roles and responsibilities within a museum

o   Visit a museum

o   How to be critical of a museum and how knowledge is presented to you

-        Modern art

o   Make your own

o   Visit a modern art museum

-        Periodic Table of Elements

-        Positive and negative molds for casting

 DOG:

-        Prohibition

o   Speakeasys

o   Amendments to constitution

o   Drinking age restrictions

§  Comparison of USA to European countries  

o   Connections to modern drug policies

-        Recognizing and photographing local birds

-        Dangers in the forest – ticks and other pests

-        Why water sources are important

o   Flint water crisis

-        Visit a state park

o   Importance of maintaining public land

-        Alcatraz

-        How to care for dogs

-        Noise pollution

o   Light pollution

 CAR:

-        History of carousels

o   Visit a carousel

-        Lathes

-        Harmonicas

-        Band organs

-        Writing messages with lemon juice and other hidden inks

-        How to iron

o   How not to iron

-        How to make a sundae

-        How amusement park rides are designed

-        Soldering

-        What is parole

o   Welcoming those who have been in prison back to society

o   Problems with the American prison system

§  How it disproportionately affects minority groups

o   What can be done in prison reform

o   Abuses in prison

o   Making mental and spiritual help and guidance more available

o   Making sanitary products available

o   Prison for profit hurts everybody except the prison owner

o   Educational opportunities for those in prison

o   More half-way help

o   Juvenile sentencing reform – more out of system help

o   Respecting humanity of prisoners

o   Ending the death penalty  

-        Depression

o   How to get help

o   How to help others

o   Dealing with loss

DDI:

-        Native peoples of the Pacific Northwest

-        Orcas and other whales

o   Whaling industry in Northwest and Northeast

o   Things whale products were used for

o   Visit natural history museum with whale exhibition

-        Visit an aquarium with a good reputation

o   Problems with places that do not take care of their sea life – particularly large sea life like whales

-        What is a chowder and how is it made

o   Try or make chowder

-        Crabs

o   Restrictions on different types of crabs – what type is local

o   Try a crab dish

-        Importance of different knots  

o   Get some rope and learn how to tie different knots

-        Know the NATO alphabet and letter flags

-        Boating knowledge

o   Go on a boating trip – know the port and starboard sides

-        Learn how to kayak

-        Try to learn how to skip rocks

-        Visit a lighthouse

o   Importance and histories of lighthouses

-        Smuggling – what is it and why does it happen

-        Shanghaiing

-        Chess

 SHA:

-        The continuous oppression and mistreatment of Native Americans

o   From Mayflower to Pocahontas to Trail of Tears to Dakota to DAPL to Reservations to food deserts to voting rights to much much more

§  How to support current Native voices and concerns

o   Why Native Americans are not a costume

o   “Possession” of Native American objects and land

§  Arrowheads and native jewelry

o   Broad overview of regional Native American groups – using their own voices

§  Special focus on local Native American groups

·       Is there a local museum/educational resource that is either Native created or known for respecting Native voices

o   Current Native Americans of note (ex: politicians, activists, artists)

o   While the previous focuses on Native Americans in the modern day USA – also discuss First Nations from Canada and Native Groups from more southern areas

-        Why temperature and pan matters when baking (show what happens in the oven when it goes wrong)

-        Magnets and how different metals react differently to magnets

-        How to take care of a horse and other farm animals

o   Visit a local farm

o   Try horse-riding

-        Dangers of rattle snakes and scorpions

-        Lassos and how to use them

-        Legends of outlaws in the American West

-        Ghost towns  

-        Flower stitches when knitting/crocheting

-        Petrified wood

-        How to make a campfire

-        Picking fruits and veggies when they are ready

-        Flower language

-        Read Along:

o   Native American folk tales  

o   Motorcycles and Sweetgrass

o   Gone Away Lake

o   Black Beauty?

 CUR:

-        Where are the moors

-        Different regional accents within the United Kingdom

-        British foods

-        Latin

o   Learn fun phrases and prayers

-        Ancestry and genealogy

o   Map your own family tree and recognize family crests

o   How adoption has historically been a binding and irrefutable concept for lineage

o   Find places your family lived

o   Leaving a history for your descendants

§  Write a story book for them

o   British Royal Family

§  Why incest is bad

-        Parrots and their intelligence

-        Secret passages in old buildings

-        Alchemy

o   Connections to modern understandings of science  

o   Historical understandings of elements

-        Astrological signs

-        Witch trials

-        Legends of lycanthropy and other monsters

-        Importance of not taking other peoples medicines

-        Runic alphabet

-        Feeding your pets a healthy diet

-        Typing practice

-        How to embrace the idea that home taught students are evil geniuses

-        Forges and melting points of different metals

-        Carnivorous plants

-        Succulents

-        Constellations in different places  

-        Read Along:

o   The Secret Garden

o   The London Eye Mystery

o   Beastly

CLK:

-        Great Depression

o   Causes and effects

o   Who was hurt

o   Who was not hurt

o   Areas of America

§  Dust bowl

o   Famous people and literature

o   Homelessness and poverty

§  Bread lines

§  Soup kitchens

§  Anti-homelessness architecture

§  Connections to mental illness and veterans

§  How we can help those who do not have homes today

-        Early Telephones

-        Shakespeare

-        History of Nancy Drew

o   Mildred Wirt Benson

o   Edward Stratemeyer  

-        Fishing – why different fish respond to different bait

-        Orphanages in the early 20th century

-        Gas prices and accessibility of cars through time

-        How to make pie

-        What is jurisdiction and what is significant about crossing state lines

-        How do banks work

o   Safety deposit boxes

-        Identify theft

-        How to use a sewing machine

o   Sew an item of clothing

-        Mini golf – why and what

-        Mirrors and their usefulness

-        Stamp collections

-         

-        Radios and call signs

o   Comparison to modern internet forms

-        Telegrams

-        Read along:

o   Shakespeare

§  Midsummer Night’s Dream

§  Others

o   Pollyanna

o   Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm

o   The Grapes of Wrath

  TRN:

-        Trains

o   Steam trains

o   Visit a train museum

o   Take a train ride (if not a normal event)

o   Importance of transcontinental railway

o   Trains around the USA today

o   Trains around the world (TGV, bullet train)

-        Abraham Lincoln

-        Mark Twain

-        How to make a good burger (you leave off the PB&J)

-        Slugs

-        Periodic Table of Elements – abbreviations

-        Gemstones

-        History of Mining

o   England (Newcastle upon Tyne)

o   American West

o   Appalachia

o   Company Store

o   Health issues for miners

o   Danger of mines

o   Current issues for mining

-        Dancing the Hurley Burley

-        People who collect creepy dolls

o   History of porcelain dolls

-        Embroidery

o   How to

o   Patterns/symbols

-        General Stores in the American West

o   Sears

-        How to make taffy

-        Find a well maintained and beautiful tomb and research who is entombed

-        Focusing light through a magnifying glass can start a fire

-        Read Along:

o   Murder on the Orient Express

o   Mark Twain books

DAN:

-        All lessons in French

-        How using different ingredients and different amounts of ingredients can affect the outcome of your cookies

-        Paris métro

o   History

o   How to read/follow a métro map

o   RER

-        Montmartre and other Parisian neighbourhoods

-        History of Île de la France and Square de Vert Galant Parc and Pont Neuf

-        WWII and the French Resistance

o   Cross of Lorraine

o   Vichy France

o   Abuses of the French gov’t in this period

-        Paris and the fashion world

-        Beauty standards and the rejection of natural beauty by society

o   Dangers of weight and figure standards

o   You are beautiful as you are

-        Catacombs of Paris

-        Famous French Dishes (from this region)

o   Or Bretagne since I know and like them better

-        The French Café

-        Moulin in France

-        Tea and how hot leaf water can taste so bad but still be good for you

-        Buildings of Baron Haussmann

-        Paris History  

-        Decoders

-        Importance of vitraux historically, culturally, and religiously

-        Read Along:

o   Little Kids

§  Madeline

§  Babar

§  Petit Ours

§  Plume

o   High School

§  Hunchback of Notre Dame

§  Les Mis

§  Dale Van Kley

 CRE:

-        History of Hawai’i and her native people

o   How the USA screwed them over and continues to do so

§  Land colonizing today

o   Listen to voices from Native Peoples

-        Pearl Harbor

o   USS Arizona

-        Native myths and legends

-        Local flora and fauna

-        Surfing

-        How to make bead necklaces

-        Snorkeling

-        Entomology

o   Find some local bugs and identify and observe them

-        Horticulture

o   See if you can graft something

o   Watch a carnation placed in water with food dye

o   Regrow a fruit or veggie from the leftovers

-        Go looking for seashells – see how many complete shells you can find

-        Be aware of pesticides and the dangers they offer

o   Dangers of organic food too

-        Make something with pineapple in it

-        Fishing – different kinds of native fish

-        Volcanos

-        Hula  

  ICE:

-        Wolf sanctuaries – respecting wildlife and their place in the wild and not the domestic

o   What to do if you see a wolf in the real world

-        Fur trapping in Canada history

-        Regions and Capitols of Canada

o   Visit Canada?

-        How the Canadian government works

-        Use of French language in Canada    

o   Unique features of Canadian French  

-        Ice fishing

-        How to cook omelets, salmon, etc.

o   How to not add paprika cause like ew

-        Fossils

-        Radiation

o   Marie Curie

-        How to be a good maid

-        Snowballs/ice balls

-        Ice skating

-        Winter weather safety

-        Avalanches  

-        Saunas

-        Birthmarks

-        Fax machines

-        How to not lie about bird watching

-        Frozen water safety  

-        Modern offenses against First Nations by Canadian Government

  CRY:

-        Culture of the Arawak and Caraïbe

o   Voodoo

-        Mardi Gras in New Orleans

-        Hurricane Katrina and aftermath

-        French Influence

-        Eyes and their parts and functions

-        Teeth and their parts and functions

-        Alligators in the Southern USA and how they are dangerous pests  

-        Graveyards/cemeteries and how to be comfortable in them

o   Modern burial practices

o   Why are they above ground in Louisiana?

o   Places where they are running out of space for the dead

o   Historic violations of final resting places

-        Ventriloquism

-        Lizards and how to care for them

-        Rube Goldberg machines

-        Curio shops

-        Crystal Skulls  

 VEN:

-        International crime

-        Organized crime

-        Scopa

-        Italian basics

o   Learn an Italian aria

-        Italian food

o   Not just spaghetti

-        History of Venice

o   Current issues in Venice

-        Carrier pigeons

-        Micro-dots

-        “Observing the architecture”

-        Try to make gelato (or just get gelato, either way you get gelato)

-        Disguising yourself – put on an outfit and try to get me to not recognize you

-        Picking locks

-        Secret codes

-        Solfege

o   With hand signs

o   Learn a song in solfege

-        Carnivale

-        Learn how the sausage gets made

o   How to deal with food poisoning

-        How to secure your living space against burglars

o   Glass breaks, motion sensors, keypads, magnets, and more

-        Read Along:

o   Heist Society

o   The Prince

o   Merchant of Venice

  HAU:

-        Irish lessons (as much of this in Irish as possible)

o   Why the Irish language is important

-        Geography of Ireland

o   Provinces and counties

-        Irish names

-        Why Ireland has disliked and should dislike the UK

o   Historically

o   Famine

§  Emmigration

o   Easter Rising

o   Troubles

o   Present-Day

-        Importance of alcohol in Ireland

o   Uisce beatha

o   Guinness

§  Guinness world records

-        Irish music

o   Irish instruments

o   Learn some Rebel songs

-        Ogham runes

-        Irish foods

o   Something with lamb, who cares what

-        Don’t use friends for land development

-        Bogs

-        Chemical Reactions

-        Rockets

-        Inventions and secrecy during WWII

-        Religion in Ireland

o   Pagan traditions

o   Christianity

o   Catholic/Protestant tensions

-        Irish wedding traditions

-        How printing presses work

-        Irish castles

-        Sheep sheering/raising sheep

-        Irish legends

o   Fae

o   Leprechauns

-        Don’t drive and talk on the phone

 RAN:

-        Why blackface is problematic? (the fact that this needs to be said is problematic in and of itself)

-        Scuba diving

-        Sailing

-        Bermuda Triangle

-        Bats

-        Primates and their intelligence

o   Problems with animal research

o   Koko

o   Jane Goodall

-        Island resort culture

-        Metal detectors

-        Pirates

o   And the Caribbean

o   Their abuses

o   Different kinds

o   Modern day pirates  

-        How do walkie-talkies work

-        US mistreatment of island territories

-        Read Along:

o   Bloody Jack (Meyer)

 WAC:

-        Edgar Allan Poe

o   Stories

o   Baltimore

-        Piano

-        Victorian Dining traditions

o   How to set a place for fancy dining

o   How to fold napkins

o   Table manners

o   How to serve someone at a fancy dinner

o   How courses might work

o   How to use your silverware  

-        Why you shouldn’t go to an actual high school part two

o   Just fyi – that’s not how uniforms work

§  Have a school inspired dress code for a week

-        Bullying and why you absolutely will not be a bully

o   How to respond to bullying

o   Importance of talking to adults and counseling

-        Logic puzzles

-        Research the founding of a local school

-        Stringed Instruments

-        Plagiarism

o   Turnitin

-        Making sandwiches – like a good deli style sandwich

-        Photography scavenger hunt – make a digital (or physical) yearbook

-        Squirrels

-        Orthographic projection

-        DNA/RNA

-        Saving every major project on three different thumb drives

-        Getting along with roommates

-        States and Capitals

o   Countries and capitals of the world  

 TOT:

-        Tornados

o   Technology used to observe tornados

-        Meteorology

-        Prairie dogs

-        Life on the great plains

-        Great Plains Native Americans

-        Small towns in the Midwest honestly be like that

-        Defensive driving

-        Make a disaster kit

-        Know what to do in various natural emergency situations

o   What is the local alert protocol

o   What do local authorities recommend

-        How to maintain and fix a car

-        How to fix a broken device

-        What is tenure

-        How to budget

o   Go to the grocery store on a strict budget (however much you come in under budget is your candy budget)

-        Read Along:

o   Little House

  SAW:

-        Basic Japanese phrases

o   Learn to count

o   Writing in Japanese

-        Sudoku, nonograms, renograms

-        Japanese ghost legends

-        Japanese culture

o   Tourism

§  Ryokans

o   Space – everything small

o   Politeness/formalities

o   Hot springs/baths

o   Tatami and paper walls

-        Japanese cultural dress

o   Kimonos

o   Lolita? Fashion

-        Japanese names

o   Last name first

o   How to address others in Japan

-        Martial Arts

o   Ninjutsu

§  Traditional tools

-        Japanese tea ceremony

-        Schools in Japan

-        Teaching English as a foreign language

-        Japanese subway/train system

-        Pachinko and Japanese gaming

-        Japanese vending machines

-        Robotic animals

-        Bento

-        Japanese foods

-        Origami

-        How to fake a haunting

 CAP:

-        Basic German phrases

o   How to make a German word

o   Connections of German to English

-        German food favourites

o   Especially cakes

-        Storytelling as a cultural entity

o   How memory has worked differently in different times

-        Glass blowing

-        How castles provided for the local community

-        Bavaria in Germany

o   Cultural dress

-        Glockenspiel

-        How to make board games

-        Monster stories of central Europe

-        How to monitor security camera remotely

-        Read Along:

o   Heidi

ASH:

-        Arson

o   Watching how different accelerants burn a piece of paper

-        All politicians are at least somewhat self-serving

o   But write a letter to a local politician anyway

§  Different ways to contact elected officials, and why some don’t work

-        How to make ice cream

-        How a police investigation works

o   Problems with police departments around the world – specifically USA

o   Ways that police work unfairly targets minorities

§  If Nancy is innocent how many others are

-        How to use matches and lighters safely

-        Why you should not return to the scene of a crime – particularly a fire

-        Making sure smoke detectors work properly and the system is connected

o   We might not go to school but fire drills are still important

-        What is a mass spectrometer

-        Who to call if you’ve been arrested

-        What to do if you get pulled over

-        How the media can skew the truth and make their own narratives

-        Sound mixing

-        Be careful with what you say/post/record

o   Keep receipts and clarify when possible

 TMB:

-        What not to do at an archaeological site

-        Ancient Egyptian History

o   Pantheon, notable figures, relevant events

o   Pyramids, sphinx

o   Pharaohs

-        Modern Egypt

o   Arabic alphabet

-        History of archaeological digs in Egypt

o   Why they’ve been problematic

-        Dangers of the tombs

-        Mummys

o   How they are put together

-        Tomb raiders

-        Importance of water in the desert

-        How to piece together a broken artifact

-        How to gently brush off an artifact

-        There is no such thing as a dictionary for ancient Egyptian

-        Aliens did not build the pyramids

-        Senet

-        Desert life safety

-        How mirrors can be used to light a room

-        Read Along

o   Rick Riordan

 DED:

-        Nikola Tesla

o   All his fun stuff

o   Tesla Coils

-        3-D printing

-        Gummy fingerprints

-        Faraday Cage

-        Basic electric concepts

o   How to build a circuit board

-        Chemical safety

-        How a lab might work

-        Valuing different skills within academia

-        Ultraviolet light

-        How motorcycles work

-        Freelance photography

-        How to use academic databases

 GTH:

-        Slavery in the United States

o   Origins

o   ‘End’

o   Civil War

o   The connection to “southern culture”

o   Continued abuses of Black people in America

§  Importance of recognizing Black voices and what they are saying

§  Listening even when it’s uncomfortable

§  Checking privilege when you have it

o   Jim Crow Laws

-        Plantations

-        Gone With the Wind

o   The good and the bad

-        Civil War spies – female

-        Carbon monoxide poisoning

-        Burned out houses are not a safe space

-        Do not go digging through people’s coffins – rest in PEACE

-        Understanding that your family can be flawed

-        If you don’t want to get married, if you’re not happy in a relationship, end it

-        When a member of your family is sick you take care of them

-        Make a will, just in case your cousin kills you

-        Bachelor and bachelorette parties should feature activities that everyone is comfortable with

-        Read Along:

o   My Last Skirt: The Story of Jennie Hodgers, Union Soldier

 SPY:

-        Scotland and their identity

o   Celtic Nations

o   Independent Scotland

o   Call a Scottish person

-        Unicorns and other mythical creatures in Scotland

-        Scottish food

o   The appetizing parts

-        History of spies

-        Biowarfare

o   Code Orange

o   Other teenage stories dealing with anthrax

o   Current events and concerns

o   Historical biowarfare (smallpox blankets)

-        Ziplining

-        Archery

-        How to bug someone

-        Tartans and plaids

o   Kilts

-        Augmented Reality Glasses

-        Record players

-        How to reset a circuit breaker

-        Read Along:

o   Gallagher Girls

o   Code Orange

o   Little House (Martha)

o   Little Brother (Doctorow)

 MED:

-        Don’t meet your heroes

-        New Zealand

o   Maori culture

-        Survivor style game shows and realism

-        I’m not saying Aliens can’t exist, I’m saying they def aren’t involved here

-        Kayaking

-        Submarines and what they can do

-        Turtles

-        Earthquakes

-        Be careful with rope bridges

  LIE:

-        Provenance and why it’s important part two  

-        Greek art and how it was originally painted vibrantly

o   Abuses of Greek art through the ages

-        The British Museum and the issues with that

-        Greek pantheon

o   Legends and notable figures

o   Religious traditions  

-        Iliad and Odyssey

-        Art forgery

-        How to fire clay pots and pottery

-        Memorizing lines for a play

o   Staging for a play

o   Role of a director

-        Theatre

o   Lights

o   Curtains

o   Fly system

o   Sound

-        Greek alphabet

-        Historical importance of the Greek language and culture

o   Alexander the Great and Hellenization

-        Olympics

o   Historic and modern

-        Greece and the European Union  

-        Make something with pomegranates

-        Read Along:

o   Iliad

o   Odyssey

o   The Thief

o   Percy Jackson  

  SEA:

-        Iceland

o   Culture

§  Naming traditions

o   Language

o   Music

o   Food

-        Shipbuilding

o   Historic and modern ships

-        Ice caving

-        Northern Lights

-        Tides

-        Snowmobiling

-        Poetry

-        What is xenophobia

 MID:

-        Some games just shouldn’t be made

-        American witch trials

o   What actually went down

o   Misconceptions

-        Treating people with albinism as real people

-        Arson is bad

-        Herbal remedies and how they can interfere with modern medicine

-        Witchcraft and how not to

-        Salem MA

-        Ignorance promotes fear and hatred so we do our best to learn about others

[blouisparadise]

Here are some amazing bottom Louis fics posted or completed during the month of August. We really hope you enjoy this list and that you give these fics a lot of love.

Happy reading!

1) Move Out | Explicit | 1525 words

Harry and Louis are moving in together, so they might as well make the most of Harry's apartment.

2) Take Off Your Business Suit | Explicit | 3082 words

“Yes, let me get another chair.” Louis said, leaning up off of the desk. He stood up but before he could leave the office to get another chair, Harry was grabbing his hand.

The words that came out of Harry’s mouth made Louis’ knees weak and heart beat quicken. “Just sit on my lap.” Harry said. Whatever he said afterwards didn’t make it into Louis’ ears as he was moving quickly over to Harry and placing himself on Harry’s lap.Louis would take anything Harry wanted to give him; hand touching, lap sitting, all of it.

Louis hadn't realized he was holding his breath until it came out in a quiet sigh. “Okay so th-this one will be slightly different right?” He asked as he pointed at the sheet of paper in front of him.

3) So Good, It's Making Me Drool | Explicit | 3364 words

He kept his back turned to Harry, whispering the few words he knew that would make Harry go absolutely wild. “If I’m only yours, maybe you should take me to bed and teach me who I belong to.”

4) What I Like | Explicit | 4245 words

Note: This fic has mentions of BH.

Harry gets tired of the "older women" jokes and the incessant teasing from Louis.

5) ll Belong To Your Creation | General Audiences | 4349words

Louis had always thought it was impossible to do so. Thankfully, upon doing research he learned that he still can as long as there are no complications throughout the whole pregnancy. He also stumble upon a birth vlog where a mum was able to give birth naturally even after going through c-section with her first and second pregnancy.

6) An Axolotl and the Fake Date | Explicit | 5976 words

Harry runs a stall at a farmers market every weekend and Louis comes by one day with an odd request.

7) Feels So Right | Explicit | 8804 words

The one where Louis is Troy, Harry is Gabriella, and we find out what really happened after karaoke at that ski resort...

8) Giallo! | Mature | 9776 words

Louis was a mess. A stuttery mess of weak knees and grass stains on his fresh linen clothes, his cheeks blooming a natural pink that matched his sunburnt nose. Upon his return from University, his family abandon the bustling city of London to bask in the comfort of their summer villa. With such a property came maintenance, Louis' father hired a strapping young fellow with tanned skin littered with ink and a charming smile aided by dimples in both his cheeks. Between reading, baking and painting, Louis stares at Harry, he couldn't help it. They grow close under the sun of Greece in 1989.

9) Interlude: One Night in March | Explicit | 10671 words

Note: This is a sequel to this fic.

“Said I would, didn’t I?” Harry let his hands roam over Louis’s bare back, his muscles rippling with that same frenetic energy he always had, swirling just beneath the skin, just beneath Harry’s fingers. “May come a time I’ll have to carry you again.”

Cupping the back of his head and burying his fingers in Louis’s hair, he pulled Louis back into another deep kiss, moaned a bit when Louis squeezed his chest again, harder this time, like he wanted the shirt off. But instead he drew his hand down Harry’s side and tugged at the hem, as though to say best keep this on, before he licked into Harry’s mouth, drew Harry’s tongue out to play only to pull back enough to speak.

“May come a time I’ll actually fucking let you.”

10) Hate To Smoke (Without Me) | Mature | 12164 words

Sleep. Harry just wants one good night of sleep. However, his neighbour has a thing for headboard-banging-against-the-wall-sex every night. After a secret set-up and a bet, Harry may finally get the sleep he so much desires.

11) Call You Mine | Explicit | 12755 words

“I have a request.”

That’s what Louis Tomlinson says to Harry when he opens the front door a bit too aggressively. The latter feels justified after a round of annoyingly incessant knocking that was much too loud in the drowsy sludge of early Saturday morning.

“Zayn’s asleep,” is Harry’s tired, hoarse reply, irritation prickling at his skin. Less than a minute ago he was in bed, feeling perfectly content sprawled out on the mattress with the chilled air from the fan cool against his bare skin. And now he’s leaning up against the wooden door frame in nothing but his briefs because Zayn’s best mate decided that showing up unannounced at seven in the fucking morning was a brilliant idea.

“I’m not here for him,” says Louis curtly.

12) A Vivid And Wistful Melody | Explicit | 13128 words

"Slowly, he takes his violin out of its case, listens for a few more minutes to Louis’ flute, before joining him as best as he could. The flute stops for a few seconds, and Harry imagines Louis blinking cutely, taken aback, before huffing with a smile, and starting to play again, on a suddenly far happier tune. Harry closes his eyes as he twirls around the living room, violin in hand and music filling the air. He pictures Louis doing the same in his own flat while being careful as to not step on his cat.

Somehow, even with heavy eyes and tired limbs, this is the happiest Harry has ever felt in years."

In which they are neighbours stuck at home and they happen to start talking through a wall with a piano, a violin, and a flute. They end up writing the soundtrack of their own love story.

13) Until This Blood Runs Cold | Explicit | 13685 words

In a town as small as Louis’, everybody knows everybody and gossip spreads faster than the wildfires that rage on just outside their backdoors in the sweltering heat of summer. When something happens here everyone knows about it within seconds. Neighbors call neighbors and notes are left on doorsteps, old telephone lines ringing until there isn’t a single person who is left in the unknown.

So it’s definitely hot gossip when a vampire moves in across the street from him, the very same one who’s just become Louis’ boss.

14) A Road To Hope | Explicit | 18280 words

Note: There is no explicit smut but its implied BL.

“We’re far from the people and their issues, don’t hold back. Please.”

It’s true. They are far away from anything that could stop them, the middle of nowhere being the safest place on Earth for them to fall in love. The sacred land where sacred love is created. However, Louis is certain that even if they weren’t safe, he wouldn’t resist the sight of Harry, his pleading eyes, his warm skin beneath his touch.

15) Your Eyes Of Blue, Your Kisses Too | Explicit | 21785 words

When they get out onto the streets away from the crowds Niall turns to walk backwards, “So did you get any leads?”

“Well- uh.”

Niall shakes his head, “Too busy kissing that pretty boy onstage, I see. Gonna blow the whole case for a piece of ass?”

16) Thinking About Peaches | Explicit | 23724 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic, which is #18 on this list.

Eight smutty drabbles following the events of bruise you like a peach.

17) Quiet People Have the Loudest Minds | Mature | 38065 words

Broadway shows were one of the few things that could keep Louis’ attention for a full two hours without needing to move about. But not tonight.

The alpha next to him was both infuriating him and practically turning him on at the same time. He needed to leave. The alpha, that is. Louis was staying.

18) Bruise You Like A Peach | Explicit | 40694 words

Note: The sequel to this fic is #16 on this list. 

There’s two reasons Harry despises Econ.

The first is that it’s boring as fuck. The second reason is a bit more personal, a bit more focused in a way. As in it’s focused on one specific thing, or in his case, person.

His name is Louis Tomlinson.

19) Falling Out Of Fashion | Explicit | 42123 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Harry Styles has been the established face of the Grimshaw House of Design for two years. It’s a prestigious and coveted modeling contract Harry took away from once-famed supermodel Zayn Malik. With the model transition Grimshaw’s designs went from a more urban, Zayn-forward aesthetic, to a Harry-favoring flowery, flowing femininity in the Grimshaw designs for men.

So when Harry sees a dress Grimshaw made for a famous Marvel actress, “only a tease”, Nick says, of the evolving look, Harry knows Grimshaw is shifting his aesthetic.

Harry wonders if he can pull off the look.

Or could Grimshaw be looking for a new face?

20) Secretly Dating | Mature | 43615 words

Lottie groaned, looming over Louis with a glare. “If we’re late, Mum and Dad will never let Harry see me – ie. see you.”

It was the first time they openly addressed the fact that Harry saw more of Louis than Lottie on their supposed ‘dates.’ He supposed he knew as much, but it still startled him. “You’ve been setting us up!”

Lottie snorted, cocking out her hip and brushing her blonde hair over her shoulder. “Honestly, Harry. You’re so dense. To be fair, it was at Louis’ request.”

Louis’ mouth gaped like a fish as he jumped to standing position, wobbling only slightly. “Don’t sell me out!”

Lottie rolled her eyes. “Come on lovebirds.”

21) You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) | Mature | 95417 words

Harry was in the biggest boy band in the world. He was also one half of the best (or worst, depends on who you ask) kept secret relationship in the music industry.

Now, almost five years on, after One Direction has broken up, and Harry and Louis' relationship has as well, a video threatens to put everything at risk.

One determined Irishman, a massive publicity stunt and two begrudging exes are all it takes to bring One Direction back to life and maybe, just maybe, Harry and Louis' mangled love life too.

22) The Healing Song | Mature | 111851 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis was carrying the large stuffed elephant like it was a baby, it’s trunk hanging over his shoulder and down his back and it’s front legs were resting around his neck, like it was hugging him. Said elephant was a present from Louis’ close friend Steve, who had thought Louis needed something to hug on bad days and had gifted him with a stuffed elephant the size of a one year old.

Steve had been right. Some days Louis did need something to hug, and this elephant was as good as anything.

Louis was having one of the rougher days. The harmonious state of the anxiety free life of a fearless Louis had ended the week after he met with Harry. It ended as abruptly as it had started. It was like pushing a button. Lights out. Almost as if the universe said “You’ve had your fun, crazy one, now go be sick” and slammed the door in his face.

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[amugoffandoms]

saw SIX on Broadway on Monday and here are everything I thought of/details I recognized during the show! Nicole went on as Boleyn that night as well, so whenever I say Anne/Boleyn, I'm talking about her version of Boleyn!

also a lot of caps and keyboard smashing because why not o.o

THE SWCOND I HEARD THE OPENING NOTES FOR EX-WIVES I WENT, OH SHIT ITS STARTING FUCKERS GET READY HRRE WE GO..

literally everything looked so cool from my seat (I was in the rear mezzaine so some specific details might be a bit lost o.O)

SPARKLY COSTUMES

Holy shit they sing so well and I am just WOW

literally I was juet in awe

also the lights in the back very funky

Audience interaction!!!

hi Queens :D

the protestant line from Parr (Joy) was really funny o.o even when Katherine (Sam) looked at Parr and was like ??? until she explained

the Thomas Cromwell line was really funny even though I've heard it so many times

WELCOME TO THE SHOW TO FHE CORONATION WHO WILL TAKE THE CROWN AS THE POP SENSATION EVERYBODY KN-

ARAGON!!! (Adrianna)

MARIA GIVE ME A BEATT

I SIDNT REALIZE THAT THE LIGHTS ON FHE BACK WALL THING GLOW UP EVERYTIME SHE SAYS "OKAY."

Aragon motioned for everyone to come closer and they were like ??? And then OH.

then she was like "I don't think I'd look that good in a wimple..." and all the Queens nodded like "yes, queen very true.."

THERES NO WAY, YOU MUST AGREE THAT BABY IN ALL THE TIME-

YES ARAGON GO OFF QUEEN???

that part where they acted like a church choir was so cool I was wow wonzaj

literally I fucking loved it

dancing dancing

I got distracted for a second and then they were doing the line where Aragon is on her knees and I focus again and they're just staring at the audience like: "anything?? I'm waiting???"

YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY IM NOT GOING AWAY THERES NO WA-

yes go off aragon!!

I WON THE COMPETITION AND I HIT THAT TOP C SO YOU KNOW...

the really famous one that people actually care about

BOLEYN INTERLUDE

I saw Anne (Nicole) move closer to the centrr of the seat/stair and I was confused for a second and then I REMEMBERED IT WAS THE BOLEYN INTERLUDE

YOO LETS GO DLYH

GREW UP IN A FRENCH COURT OUI OUI BONJO-

Nicole got into that role my God Anne actually felt like someone who knew and didn't know what she was doing

DONT BE BITTER, 'CAUSE IM FITTER im PRETTY SURE SHE SAID THAT LINE WIFH AN ACCENT

THE PART WHERE THE MARRIAGE MUSIC PLAYS ANNE LIKE WALKS LIKE SHE HAD A BOUQUET AND ALL THE QUEENS ARE CRYING AND THEN SHE THROWS THE BOUQUET

when that uappens like all the Queens reach for the bouquet [Anna (Brittney) grabs Katherine's hair] AND THEN WHEN SHE SAYS, "HOLD UP LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT WENT DOWN." everyone moved back in position

YES ANNE TELL HENRY OFF

Oh shit she about to die o.o

The red lights felt like danger o.o (also I had just watched like those off Broadway heathers but I point out the small details like a few days before and I kinda recognized them from the Yo Girl song??)

"IM NOT SORRY"

DONT LOSE YOUR HEAD

THE LIGHT WAS LIKE JUST ON ANNE'S HEAD LIKE??

what a weekend, I'm like dead wait didn't you actually die?

CATHERINE WAS MASSIVE CU- I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT WAIT DONF AIQOKWK

Jane (Keri) DID LITTLE HOPS OR SOMETHING TO HER SPOT ON STAGE AND I JUST FOUND IT KINDA SWEET LIKE??

I was lucky.. (The queens look at her) I was really lucky..

honestly I was so excited to hear Keri because I hadn't heard her before o.o

MY GOD GO OFF JANE WTF

THE TRUTHFULLY PART I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD...

YEAHHHHH YOU CZN BUILD ME UP YOU CAN TEAR ME DOWN YOU CAN TRY BUT- (HONESLTY I WAS JUET IN SHOCK, I FUCKING CLAPPED SO LOUDLY)

HONESTLT I CANT ITS UUST LIKE OH MY GODD I FANT..

YOULL STILL FIND STONE MY HEART OF STONE

HONESTLY I DIDNT NOTICE MUCH BECAUSE I WAS JUDF SO EXCITED TO LISTEN

BUT HEY SHE HELD HER STOMACH LIKE SHE HAD A CONNECTION TO EDWARD IM GRASPING AT STRAWS BUF LIKE HEY..

I fucking CLAPPED during the ending

cause what hurts more than a broken heart? A severed head.

I FORGOT HAUS OF HOLBEIN EXISTED AND THEN WHEN THE SMOKE CAME IN INWAS LIKE: !!!! WAIT!!!!

he had to change his location settings if you will

IN ZE HAUS OF HOLBEIN JAAA DAS IST GUT OOH JA

MY GOD IF WAS LIKE SOME BIG ASS PARTY MY MOM WAS BOPPING ALONG AS WELL LIKE

AT LEAST YOUR COMPLEXIOJ WILL BRING ALL THE BOYS IN

To hold everything up o.o

TIE THESE HEELS SO HIGH ITS NAUGHTY, but we can not guarantee that you'll still walk at forty ;)

yes let's fucking dance bitch yes

oh the lights are o-

NEVERMIND

THE HAUS OF HOLBEIN

CHRISTINA OF DENMARK (PARR) FUCKINGNTURNED AROUND AND LOOKED AT THE RED BOX LIKE: "bifch what..." AND LOOKED TOWARDS BESSIE LIKE YOU SEE THIS RIGHT??

OKAY SO AFTER ANNA GETS PICKED AND THE QUEENS WALK OFD STAGE, PARR STAYS BEHIND JUST TO SAY THE HAUS OF HOLBEIN AND JOY IS FUCKING FLEXIBLE LIKE SHE BENT BACKWARDS SLIGHTLT LIKE O.O

Anna's like entire speech about how tragic her life has been is so funny

LIKE EVEN BRITTNEY FUCKING PAUSSS BEFORE TRAFIC AND LIKE THROWS OJF LIKE SYNONYMS OF TRAGIC OR WHATEVER LIEN AIQJOWJS

Here WE GO GET DOWN MOTHER FUCKERZ

release the bitches woof

I'm sorry but the fact that the Queens have to keep thr most stone cold face during it is so funny like??

profile picture time bitcjez

IM THE QUEEN OF THE CASTLE

she fucking grooved during the grt down part like

And then the profile picture part was funny like her face and her hand movement like Ishwia

ANNA WAS LIKE "....hey." DURING THAT ONE PART AND I WAS LIKE ??? HEY WHO IS THIS??

THE COSTUME REVEAL?? WOAH I FORGOT BOE COOL IT WAS

keep the applause for a few minutes Anna yes

when she says like, "I look my rad than LUTHERANISM.." She fucking skipped I think??

OKAY LADIES LETS GET REFORMATION.

The face she makes after she says, "that I tricked ya" is so funny like o.o

oh my GOD THE OPERA SINGING PART WHEN SHE SAYS GET DOWN YOUNDIRTY RASCAL INWAS LIKE WHAT THE FU K. HELLO? HELLO?? IT WAS SO AMAZING HUH

she did the "heyyy.." again and it was really funny

I'm not saying im a gold digger, but check my prenup (AYE) AND GO FIGURE

when she did the "MY HORSES CAN TROT UP TO 12 MILES PER HOUR" She did the thing and I was like uHM.. O.O

IM A WIENER SCHNITZEL, NOT AN ENGLISH FLOWER

the Queens did the money thingy with their hands and I was like o.o WOA

like during the tricked ya line the Queens sing Britt does a little dance like o.o I'm pretty she also said "oh how you doing?" But honestly I'm rewatching a slime tutorial to remember what she did during the thing so I can't remember details o.o

HENRY. NO. YOU CANT STOP ME.

I'm the Queen of the castle :) GET DOWN YOU DIRTY RASCAL >:)

SO THAT PART WHEN AN AUDIENCE MEMBER GETS UP AND DANCE THE AUDIENCE MEMBER WA SLIKE ME?? AND TOOK A SECOND TO GET UP AND DANCE AND ANNA WAS LIKE, YEAH YOU COME ON LETS DANCE

"Cause I'm the Queen of the Castle." yes QUEEN GO OFF.

so yeah it was really heartbreaking. That doesn't sound difficult at all?? Oh yeah, you're right. I probably won't win then, BACK TO THE PALACE!!

THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY HAD PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH.

my son had to deal with the loss of his mother. oh wow, kinda like how my body had to deal with the loss of its head. Queens, come on now. Can't you see what's happening? Comparing your losses isn't gonna change the fact that I've already won. :)

honestly the entire dialogue before Katherine's roast is HILARIOUS

same! Yeah, same! Nice neck by the way. :) (high five)

WHEN ARAGON DID THE LINE ABOUT THE CHICKEN POX AND JANE CAME IN LIKE SOUNDING LIKE SHE WAS WHINING NSIANIW

"oHhhhh, bAbbYy MarRyyY had the CHICKEN POX and yOouu didn't get to hold her hand!! you know it's funny because wHennN I wanted to HoLld MyY nEwborNn SonNn, I DIED." (casually poses)

GUYS I HAVE THE PLAGUE!! (What?) LOL JUST KIDDING MY LIFE'S AMAZING.

it's time we heard from our next Queen, K. Howard!! (I CASUALLY WOOOO!)

oh uhm I think she was the least relevant Katherine.. oh yeah i still don't care (Nicole oddly made it sound like she was going to say something else but then said that and Made it sound like regular dialogue?? I don't know lol)

IM SORRY BUT KAT'S ROASF WAS SO DUNNT.

your lives sounded terrible!!... and your songs.. :)... your songs... your songs REALLY helped to convey that.

I'm sorry but when Kat roasted Anne, I COULD NOT. "divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, behea- oh, nevermind." AND MOCES ON LIKE WHATJ IWMWIWMW

Jane, dying of natural causes... WHEN WILL JUSTICE BE SERVED?? (SHE RAISED HER HANDS AND I STILL FIND THAT FUNNT)

and surviving........... (moves on AND I FOUND THAT FUCKING HILARIOUS LIKE THE LONGSILENCE) Parr looked at Bessie again I think and was like my God she did not..

All jokes aside, being rejected for your looks, that legit sounds really rough. I wouldn't know anything about that. I mean, look at me, I'm really hot.... (She like paused like uh... so uh..) SO ICANT EVEN BEGIN TO THINK OF HOW I COMPETE WITH TOU ALL.. OH WAIT, LIKE THS..

durinf kat's roast, BRITTNEY HAD TO LOOK AWAY BECAUSE SHE JUST COULDNT I

YES BITCH AYWD LETS FUCKING GO..

bro I was so excited for this song like I EAS JUST EXCITED

I think I saw Anna run back on stage probably after a break o.o

NOT THE STONE COLD FACES AGAIN.

I was 13 (innocent voice), going on 30 (regular voice??)

MAJOR TO MINOR, C TO D (IT WASNT AS HARSH LIKE IN SLIME TUTORIAL, BUT IT WAS FUCKING HILADIOUS EITJE WAY.)

YES GO OFF

ew hands.. get off her you fucks o.O

the dancing oddly seems more innocent and she got into the dancing??

playtime

SHE DRAGGED THE ASS PART OF ASSISTANT FOR A BIT AND I WAS LIKE OH OH OKAY

"favorite quill" AND SHE OUTS BITH OF HER HANDS ON THE MICBKKE I DIDNT KNOWCWTATBDHE MEWMT.. I KNEW KATHERINE, I KNEW..

CHORUS PART 2 THE DANCING FELT SIMILAR TO LAST TIME SO I DIDNT REALLY NOTICE ANYTHING

I can't rememv34 how she said it, but when she was talking abou5 how th4y employ women to grt them into their private chambers, she sounded a bit tired?? Like of all the men??

"you'll never guess who I met!! tall, large!.. Henry the viii...." LIKE WHEN SHE SAID HENRY'S NAME SHE WEBT SO SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT?

To be honest the dancing was really funky loved it :D

she tries to get their hands off of her :( and then they return :(((

SHE OOOKED SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING DYRING THE 3RD CHORUS LIKE.. KATHERINE HONEY I WILL HUG YOU WIRH TOIR CONDENT VUT

the queens casually close in on katherine

so we got married... woo?

KATHERINE NO HE IS NOT A FRIEND I KNOW YOU WANT ONE BUT-

casually knocks away the hands away :)

he says we have a connec...tion.. (PAUSE FOR THE HANDS AND THE DISAPPOINTMENT AND PAIN. [I THINK SOMEONE LAUGHED LIKE NO GAMERBOSS NO..]) I thought this time was different. Why did I think he'd be different? but IT'S NEVER EVER (THE EMOTION WHEN SHE SAID EVER HUH??) DIFFERENTTTTTTTTTT NOO NO.

BRO KAT SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS ABOUT TO CRY LIKE SHE LITERALLY HWD TO PAUSE OCCASIONALLY LIKE SHE WAS SOBBING

IN FACT THINK SHE PROBABLY WAS??

I WAS LIKE WHAT??

NO NO NO NO I LOVE YOU PLATONICALLY KAT PLEASE NO TEARS I WILL CRY

I WAS SO SURPRISED

HER VOICE WAS SHAKING I THINK AND SHE KITERALLY WAS GOUNG TO CRY??

WHEN WILL ENOUGH BE ENOUGHIES?? she sounded so heartbroken I could not..

PLAYTIME'S OVER.. THE ONLY THING, THE ONLY THING, THE ONLY THING YOU WANNA DO IS MWAH. (BRO SHE SOUJDED LIKE SHE WAS CRYONG WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.)

THE LIGHT ON THE EHAD

she like casually wipes her tears and waits until the applause is over (which takes a while o.o)

...and then I was beheaded :)

Seeing as I won the competition, I want to thank all the men that got me to where I am today. (KAT SOUNDED LIKE SHE HESITATWD FOR A MOMENT??) Couldn't have done it without you. Thank you, New York! Good night! (All the Queens come in right before she ends and like tells them to stop ending the show o.O)

There were four choruses, that's how much sh- I had to deal with. Yeah, yeah, sorry, when you died, your son had to live without a mother. Wait, that was me and no one cared when you died.

It's not her fault no one remembers her bland and uneventful life. :)

Parr looked at Kat for a moment like, "You okay??"

THREE HISTORICALLY CONFIRMED MISTRESSES. OH, YEAH? WELL, WHEN I WAS QUEEN, I HAD NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE MISCARRIAGES!! WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, ANNE BO-LOSER?? I HAD FIVE MISCARRIAGES!!! SOMEONE HOLD ME BACK- (Anna like walks towards Catalina like bitch woAH CALM DOWN UOLD ON..)

Parr just stands there like uh.. yeah uh.. I'm.. uh

ALSO PARR LWTS FUCKING GO (MY FIRST FSVOTITR QUEEN)

jazz music energy??

Someone in the audience laughed and then Anne went, "hahaha, what?" I find the timing very funny

When Joy said, "wOAH-" when the light shone on her it was really funny o.o

What gets the biggest cheer, trauma or abuse? Woohoo! (yes queen)

"I'M CatHerIne ParR! I dRaW thE liNe in arbItrAry pLacEs!! BLAH, blah blah." KATHERINE JSIAJWOWJWJW (SAM SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS MOCKING PARR AND WHINING AT THE SAME TIMEBAUWJAKWJ)

All the Queens literally clap while Cathy tries to stop them and they're like, "Yes, Catherine, yes. Congratulations." and then Parr turns to face the audience like, "you see this?? You see this??"

Are you sure, Catherine? Are you sure you're not tired from BACKING VOCALS? (DAMN BIFCH WTF ajJAJSNS THE AUDIENXE ALL WENT OOOOHH... LIKE OH MY GOD KATHERINE JWKAKQ)

Go on Queens, take a seat :)

honestly the Parr dialogue was just so interesting to listen to even though I know it well o.o joy made it interesting :D especially the gold star for Cathy Parr part sinajajw

Tudor womanhood, would recommend. :)

She sounded so disappointed and sad during the part where she talked about Thomas and then how Henry came in

IDNYL STARTING...

SHE SOUNDED SAD AGAIN :(

FEELS SO RIGHT.. IM HOLDING BACK THE TEARS TONIGHT... :((

The singing was... on Parr. (JANE WOULD BE PROUD OF ME FOR THAT ONE.)

but seriously, the singing was amazing

Somehow I had that choice... No holding back I'd raise my voice! I'd say Henry, yeah, it's true, I'll never belong to you! (ARAGON UNCROSSED HER LEGS AND LOOKED AT CATHERINE FOR A MOMENT BEFORE ANNE GOT UP AND EVERYONE STARTED TO AS WELL.)

JANE HESITATED WHILE GETTING UP LIKE HMM SYMBOLISM?

THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO! I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE, NOO NOOO. (yes queens vibe with Parr yes) I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE, NOO NOOO.

But the thing is I can't say that. Not to the King ;(

So this is goodbye. All my love, Cathy.

YES LETS GO CATHY COME ON

I find that fheees probably some kind of symbolism/metaphor/whatever when she distances herself away from the other Queens to show that she'd rather not have her story aligned with the other Queens and Henry, but would want it to be about HER if you understand. But also because, well, not in the competition

THAT I WAS A WRITER. I WROTE BOOKS AND PSALMS AND MEDITATIONS. YES QUEEN YOU DID!!! ALSO JOY MADE THIS LINE SO EXCITING I THINK??

YES QUEENS HYPE HER UP

I DISAPPEAR ;(

Wait I don't get it? Okay, look, why does anyone remember who we are? MY SIXTH FINGER!! (AND SHE LIKE HELD UP HER OTHER HAND TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A SIXTH FINGER AND I DIDNF KNOW THE ACTORS FKR ANNE (OR MAYVE JUST NICOLE) DID THIS THAT WAS SO FUNNY.) Put it away, babe.

When Cathy asked who Henry the VII wife was, everyone looked at Anne like, "you know bitch??"

We don't know. CATHERINE DE VALOIS!... (And then she pauses and Anna looks at her like, "...girl-") I MEAN- We don't know.

But isn't there a bigger problem?? The dissolutions of the monasteries. No. I'm talking about us. Because as soon as we get together as a group- Everyone notices Jane can't dance! (AND THEN JANE TRIES TO DEFEND HERSELF LIKE, "UHM- HOLD ON, UH-")

THE SIX SOUNDED SO SAD ;(

Oh my God, I get it! Since the only thing we have in common is our husband, grouping us is an inherently comparative act and as such unnecessarily elevates a historical approach ingrained in patriarchal structures. (Anne says it like you're SUPPOSED TO KNOW SHES SMART AND TO BE HONEST, YOU SHOULD /J but honestly it was just really funny.) Yeah. I read.

So, basically, we' re stuck. What a waste of time. I guess there's not much we could do about it now. (And now they scatter across the stage and are just standing there like. Uhm. Hm. Hm . Well. Uh. [I think Parr was just leaning against thr stair thing near Maggie]

I DONTNREMEMBER WHEN BUT IT WAS PROBABLY HERE WHEN AN AUDIENCE MEMBER SHOUTED "SING TOGETHER!!" AND THEN KATHERINE RIGHT AFTER SAID HER LINE ABOUT FIGHTING THE WHOLE SHOW OAIANQ

We could have done like a fake competition, showing us how messed up comparing us is. Then, we could have found some cool way to reclaim our stories or all become the leading ladies. Aw, we could have done it as a song! :(

If only we'd thought of it before.... ;)

SO WE HAD NO CHOICE. BUT NOW ITS ALONE. SO WE GOT NO CHOICE. NO WE GOT NO CHOICE. WE'RE TAKING BACK THE MICROPHONE. IM GONNA RAISE MY VOICE.

YOU NEED TO KNOW!! I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE, NO NOOO. NO I DONT YOUR LOVE!!

PARR'S TURN GET READY

YES JOY GO OFF!!!

NOO I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE.. NOO

YOU CAN GET ON OUT!! YOU CAN WALK ON OUT THE DOOR!!

OH MY GOD THE SINGING AGAIN AHT WUF8CK

NEW YORK, WE HAVE A VOICE!! WE SAID WE HAVE A VOIIICEEE! (i THINK WHE GOT INTERRUPTED BY THE CHEERING SOWUJAA)

Well, actually- Now's not the time, Catherine :)

WOOOO FHE CHEERS

ARE YOU READY FOR A ROYAL HAPPY EVER AFTER??... Well, we don't have one. (that STILL IS so funny to me oh my hod)

They all walk off stage and I'm sitting there like, oh you lying you LYING

WAIT, THIS IS OUR SHOW AND WE CAN HAVE WHATEVER ENDING WE WANT!

ARE YOU READY GUYS

ONE OF A KIND, NO CATEGORY, TOO MANY YEARS, LOST IN HIS STORY, WE'RE FREE, TO TAKE OUR CROWNING GLORY, FOR FIVE MINUTES!!! WE'RE SIX!!!

Well, I wouldn't mind going first for a change JAKAJSJWUW

I FUCKING HURT MY HANDS CLAPPING TO THE BEAT BUT ALSO CLAP TO THE BEAT

LIKE YES I WILL PARTICIPATE WITHOUT HESITATION

YES REJECT HIM ARAGON YES LETS GO GIRLBOSS

NO WAY PACKED MY BAGS AND MOVED INTO A NUNNERY

I CHANGED A COUPLE WORDS AND PUT IT ON A SICK BEAT

THE SONG BLEW THEIR MINDS NEXT MINUTE I WAS SIGNED, AND NOW IM WRITING LYRICS FOR SHAKESY. P

HONESTLY LETS JUST FUCKING VIBE

WEVE MADE A BAND AND GOT QUITE WELL KNOWN. YOU COULD PERHAPS CALL US THE TUDOR VON TRAPPS.

ONLY KIDDING!! WE'RE CALLED THE ROYALLING STONES (CAUSALLY DOES A ROCK POSE YES QUEEN) (ALSO ANNA WAS LIKE GIRL PLEASE NO AND TRIED TO STOP HER AKBASIJW)

CLAP TO THE BEAT AGAIN

I KNOW THE DANCE TO THIS BECAUSE OF HOW MANY TIEMS IVE SEEN THE CHORUS IN SLIME TUTORIALS

ALRIGHT WHO WANTS TO GO NEXT?? I GOT THIS.

SO I MOVED TO THE HAUS OF HOLBEIN IN MY HOME TOWN. HIS FRIENDS WERE SUPER ARTY BUT I SHOWED THEM HOW TO PARTY.

NOW ON MY TOUR OF PRUSSIA, EVERYBODY GETS DOWN

MUSIC MAN TRIED IT ON BUT I WAS LIKE BYE (YES QUEEN YESSSSSS!!!) SO I THOUGHT WHO NEEDS HIM I CAN GIVE IT A TRY!!

I LEARNED EVERYTHING AND ALL I DO IS SINNNGGGG (OH MY GOS YES PLEASE YES GOOD FOR YOU!!!) AND ILL DO THAT UNTIL I DIE.

ALL THE OTHER QUEENS GO INTO ROCK/POP POSES AND IM LIKE YES.

HEARD ALL ABOUT THESE ROCKING CHICKS LOVED EVERY SONG AND EACH REMIX SO I WENT OUT AND FOUND THEM AND WE LAID DOWN AN ALBUM

NOW I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE ALL I NEED IS SIX AWWW..... THAT'S SO SWEET..

clap BITCH CLAP

WE'RE ONE OF A KIND, NO CATEGORY. TOO MANY YEARS LOST IN HISTORY! WE'RE FREE TO TAKE OUR CROWNING GLORY FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES

WE'RE SIX, WUHH OHH WOOHHH WE'RE SIX WUHH OHHH, WE'RE SIX, WUHH OHHHH WOHHHH, FOR FOUR MORE MINUTES.

Not the END OF THE SHOW PAIN..

THE CURTAIN HAS BEEN DROPPED THOUGH, LIKE MY JAW /J

WE'RE ONE OF A KIND, NO CATEGORY. TOO MANY YEARS LOST IN HISTORY! WE'RE FREE TO TAKE OUR CROWNING GLORY FOR THREE MORE MINUTES!! (GET YOUR HANDS UP!!)

CHORUS AGAIN AND THEN WE DANXE CUKCERS

SOME OF DANCES ARE DROM EX-WIVES BUF THEN TWISTS ARE ADDED TO THEM I FIND IT KINDA LIKE HOW THEY DIDNT LIKE EACH OTHER THAT MUCH BEFORE THE SHOW BUT THEN BY THE END, THEY KINDS FORGAVE EACH OTHER AND BECAME BETTER FRIENDS AND PEOPLE LIKE!!

WE'RE SIX FOR FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE MORE MINUTES!!

WE'RE SIX!!! CONFETTI WOOO

NEW YORK CITY!! DO YOU WANT ONE MORE SONG? MARIA HIT IT!

I WAS WOOING SO MUCH DURING MEGASIX

STAY ON YOUR FEET, NEW YORK!! I WANNA SEE EVERYBODY CLAP THEIR HANDS. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLT, GET READY TO DANCE!

LADIES IN WAITING!!

OH MY GOD I WAS SO READY AND HAPPY

YOU MUSTBTHINK THAT IM CRAZY YOU WANNA REPLACE ME

DONT WORRY DONT WORRY DONT LOSE YOUR HEAD, I SIDNT MEAN TO URT ANYONE!

you CAN TRY BUT IM UNBREAKABLE, YOU WANNA DO YOUR BEST BUT ILL STAND THE TEST

LET'S GOO!!

ALL ALONE ON THE THRONE IN palace that I HAPPENED TO OWN THE ONLY THING YOU WANNA DO TOO BAD I DKNT AGREE

ALL YOU WANNA DO ALL YOU WANNA DO IS SING ALLNG TO YOUR FAVORITE QUEEN'S SONG (WOOS EVEN MOEE)

I DONT NEED YOUR LOVE NO NO ITS TIME TO RISE AOVE WOAH WOAH

WE DONT NEED YOUR LOVE (CASYALLY TRIES TO SING BUT BECAUSE I WAS JUST YELLING I WAS PAINCULLY OUT OF TUNE ANDI KNOW THIS HECAUDE I TOTALLY DIDNT RECORD ANYTHING)

CAUSE WERE SO MUCH MORE THAN

diVORCED

BEHEADED

DIED

DIVORCED

BEHEADED

SURVIVED

WE'RE SIX!! (ONCE AGAIN I PAINFULLY FAIL AT BEING ON NOTE.)

PICTURE TIME ON STAGE

OH BOY THAT WAS AN AMAZING SHOW

GUESS WHAY HAPPENS NOW I GET MERCH OH MY GOD I WAS SO HAPPY IM WEARING IT NOW AS I TYPE THIS LAST LART

I WANTED TO DO A BIT OF STAGE DOOR BUT I WAS LIKE SO NERVOUS SO THE ONLY PERSON I DID ACTUALLY TALK TO/TAKE A PICTURE WITH WAS NICOLE AND I GOT HER TO SIGN MY PLAYBILL...

ALSO SAM AND ADRIANNA LEFT BEFORE I LEFT BUT I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING HECAUSE THEY WERE DOING OTHER STUFF SINWIWJWJ

BUT ANYWAYS I COLLECTED CONFETTI FRON FLOOR AND WE LEFT

AND THEN I RAMBLED ABOUT THE SIX WIVES OF HENRY THE VIII WHEN WE GOT HOME AUWHUWJDU

OVERALL!!

I had such a fun time at SIX and I'd love to go again when I have the time/money to go!! The show became one of my favorite things during quarantine and as I got back into it late last year, early this year, it was so fun to revisit old videos I used to watch and start watching new Queens (including the Broadway cast!!)

Thank you for reading my long writing about SIX because I love it so much, good night (day/evening)!

[beyond-the-mirror]

Music of the Night (V x Reader)

Chapter 7 is finally here! As I have mentioned a couple posts ago I am going to focus solely on this story for the time being. I will try my best to update at least once per week so stay tuned.

Warnings: A little angst in a few parts.

Tagging: @thedyingmoon​ @minteyeddemon​ @vampiregirl1797​

If you wish to be tagged in this story let me know in the comments.

………………….

Chapter 7: Nightingale in the Cage

“So Bishop, would you mind explaining to us the reason you decided to become a patron for the Opera house?”

“Oh not at all.” Sanctus took a deep breath before speaking again. “As you may have heard in the local news, an estranged brother of mine passed away some time ago, may his soul rest in peace. Days later I received a visit from his lawyer, apparently he had accumulated quite the fortune and his testament determined that I would be the sole heir of all his possessions and shares.” The Bishop made a brief pause, the death of his brother still weighing down his heart. “I actually have no need for such a large sum of money, which is why I only kept a modest enough amount for me and decided to donate the rest in favor of the conservation of the arts.”

“A rather noble cause indeed Bishop, our sincerest apologies for your loss.” Monsieur Andre added.

“Thank you for your condolences. All my life I’ve considered myself to be an admirer of the fine arts. There’s nothing I wouldn’t love more than to finance Fortuna’s famous Opera House and support the careers of its many skilled artists.”

“And we shall be forever grateful for your patronage bishop.” Monsieur Firmin mentioned before lifting his champagne glass. “Let’s have a toast for the future of Fortuna’s Opera House.”

“For the future of this new society.” Raoul finished before the men raised their glasses together in glee. The vicomte, however, seemed to have a sense of sadness in his eyes that he hid all too well from everybody. How he wished to spend more time with you, but didn’t find you at the party.

Maybe you were too exhausted to attend and went home instead? Whatever it was, he wished you were okay.

………………….

‘The newest play from Fortuna’s Theatre Company, Hannibal, has been critically acclaimed by specialized press, scoring an impressive average of 4.6 out of 5 stars’

‘The exquisite acting and choreography are to be praised. However, its most prominent figure is the miraculous voice of the main singer, who has replaced iconic soprano Carlotta Guidicelli as the protagonist.’

‘Step down Carlotta! A new queen has arrived and the spotlight is all hers!’

‘In a shocking turn of events, Signora Carlotta Guidicelli, believed to be the company's successor to legendary soprano Kyrie Eleison, has been overshadowed by a new rising talent. A humble fortunian songstress by the name of (Y/N) (Y/L/N).’

‘(Y/N) (Y/L/N). The break-through songstress that has captivated the audience’s hearts. Is this the birth of a brand new star?’

Reviews, articles and blog posts about the company’s new soprano spread around the internet like wildfire, every single one focusing on the same subject: The mysterious soprano that took Fortuna by surprise and dethroned 'La Carlota’ herself.

The girl had become the theatre’s own Venus and Aphrodite, a muse that inspired all the souls touched by her melodious voice. A nightingale turned human, an angel descended to Earth.

But as her performances continued and her fame grew, a few observant enough would take notice of certain… details regarding her.

The truth behind this? A sinister shadow was tormenting the theatre’s beloved angel, one that threatened to consume not only her, but everything around.

………………….

“I refuse to accept this!” Carlotta stomped her heel on the marbled floor of her lavish bedroom, taking a sip from the almost full glass of wine in her hand.

Ever since that fiasco when she stormed out of the theatre during the rehearsals for ‘Hannibal’, the soprano’s life seemingly started turning for the worse, all because of that girl that once dared to collide with her during rehearsal. She had insisted the dancer had done so on purpose, envious of her great talent.

And now it turns out that dancer is the same one that took her role as the main protagonist! Carlotta felt offended by such a decision, she was a professional while that girl was just a simple amateur

Still, she had to admit this (Y/N) had a gifted voice. What she could not explain is how she managed to perfect her skill to such a high level if she claimed to be an inexperienced singer? As talented as one could be, it takes years of work and practice to master one’s craft, the only explanation she could come up with was that the girl had to have a special tutor, and an exceptional one at that.

But who?

Realizing her glass was already empty, Carlotta hurried to refill it again. She had believed that with Kyrie gone to Broadway, she now had the stage clear for herself to finally shine above everyone else, after all, the only voice above Signora Carlotta could only be that of Fortuna’s legendary songstress herself.

Such hopes were now broken. She had a new competitor, one that was already stealing the spotlights.

As she turned to the broadcast of the company’s most recent play, she huffed when the camera focused on the new main singer. The audience had fallen right into her trap, and now she had them all wrapped around her lithe finger.

“I don’t know what they see in her, she’s nothing special and she’s not that pretty. Especially with those dark circles under her eyes, does she even sleep? Careful girl, you are already losing your youth.” Carlotta snorted before downing her glass of wine.

………………….

“Vicomte Raoul! Bishop Sanctus! We weren’t quite expecting your visit to our Opera House. What can we do for you, gentlemen?”

Messieurs Andre and Firmin almost tripped over their own feet as they hurried to attend the Opera House’s important benefactors. Raoul managed to hide his laughter at their eagerness, while Sanctus simply offered the two a gentle smile.

“Do not worry for us, messieurs. This fine theatre holds so many precious memories of my youth, so I thought it appropriate to drop by and watch the rehearsals take place if you don’t mind us.”

“Oh, not at all Bishop! This way please.”

As the four men approached the hall, a melodious voice resonated through the walls.

“Ah! You are in luck. Our lead singer seems to be on stage right now practicing one of her numbers.” Firmin noted just as he opened the door to the main hall.

Madame Trish was supervising as usual, you stood at the stage performing an aria while Monsieur Reyer directed your voice through the song’s notes. As he took a seat near the stage next to Sanctus, Raoul was mesmerized by your singing figure, the passion and dedication you imprinted on your work palpable and strong enough to touch the hearts of others.

“An utter beauty, isn’t she?” The elder’s voice snapped him out of his trance. As he turned to face Sanctus, he noticed the soft smile and knowing look in his eyes. He gulped, were his feelings that obvious? Then again, Sanctus has seen and learned a lot during the many years of his long life, wisdom comes with age after all.

“Ah! Young love! Perhaps the purest and most innocent of them all.” The bishop gave a hearty chuckle. “Miss (Y/N) is definitely special. Her voice alone holds so much power, enough to make the entire audience bow to her, and yet she still remains humble and authentic.”

Raoul turned his attention back to the stage where you were now conversing with Trish and Reyer about your routine during the number. The vicomte could see what Sanctus meant, you weren’t arrogant or prideful like Carlotta, but rather attentive and open to the feedback and mentoring offered to you.

A smile grazed his lips. He had just met you and already you were taking over his heart and mind.

Still as he observed you going through the song one more time, there was something off that caught his eye. It was subtle, almost imperceptible, but it was there. The heave of your chest whenever you ended a verse, the slight trembles of your feet whenever they moved along the lines marked on the stage by Trish. 

You looked… tired? Exhausted, perhaps? No... more like detached.

But you continued the rehearsal with no trouble. Maybe your sudden growing popularity was already taking its toll on you, as well as all the performances you had to do at the theatre. For anyone without experience, such exhaustion is understandable.

In the seat next to him, Bishop Sanctus was also studying you. However, his expression seemed more preoccupied than that of the vicomte. He too had noticed some kind of dark aura looming around you, and he pondered what this could mean for the Opera House’s future, and for his plans too.

………………….

petite.aerette  I can’t believe I finally got to watch #Hannibal. So happy to know the Opera House is on the rise once again. #FortunaOperaHouse #theatre #musical

alya_hyacinth  You saw it live? Girl, I’m jealous!

dramaqueen101  Aaah I was there too! I wish you told me you were going, we could have gone together and have our seats next to each other.

petite.aerette  Sorry! Mom surprised me with our tickets that same morning. Did you see that new singer everyone is talking about? She is awesome! I already love her voice and acting!

dramaqueen101  I know right?! In fact I caught a glimpse of her after the play when she retired to her dressing room. I wanted to go talk to her but it was too crowded and she seemed to be in a rush. However I noticed she looked a bit tired? As if she hadn’t been getting enough sleep.

………………….

Free time had become a luxury for Nico. There was always something to fix, something to supervise, something to check. Whatever breaks she would get, she welcomed them with open arms and relaxed as much as she could before it was back to work again.

It was in one of these breaks when she ran into you, what better way to enjoy some free time than with a dear friend?

But as she approached your figure, Nico took notice of your appearance. Your skin was now as pale as a ghost, your eyes were heavy with sleepiness and dark circles framing them. You looked as if you were about to collapse at any given moment.

“Hey, you alright sugarcube?” Nico’s hands went to your arms by instinct, just in case you were feeling sick and you needed to be rushed to the infirmary. But with a small smile, you tried to ease her worries.

“Couldn’t get much sleep last night, that’s all.”

“Uh huh…” Nico was many things, highly perceptive was one of those. Many have found out the hard way that she was not an easy one to fool. Of course, it was no surprise that she could see right through your words. “Come. Let’s get you some warm tea.”

Stern and maybe a bit harsh, but caring when the situation called for it. That was Nicoletta Goldstein for you. One of the most surprising things about her is that she made the best tea in the world according to the people working at the theatre. 

“This should ease you a bit, honey. Careful, it’s still hot.” As she handed you the small cup, she looked at you with worry in her eyes but didn’t say anything. Instead she waited for you to open up and tell her what was wrong.

You could already picture the almost dead look you must have had. With slightly shaky hands you held onto the porcelain cup, raising it to your lips and gently blowing the steam to cool it down a bit. As a warm earthy flavor filled your taste buds, your body could finally ease up and relax even if just for a little while, granting you a moment of much needed peace.

Still, you didn’t find it in yourself to tell her.

Luckily for you, Nico knew better than to keep insisting. She figured that whatever was worrying you, you weren’t ready to talk about it yet. Nonetheless, she stayed right by your side in a comfortable silence with a cup of tea of her own.

It was a nice and peaceful moment, at least until she was called to check on one of the moving stage props.

And so she excused herself, but not before reminding you that you could always count on her for anything.

What Nico didn’t know, however, was the reason for your silence.

You didn’t tell her because something was forcing you to. 

………………….

Days became weeks. Weeks became months. And soon enough, time itself began to blur.

Ever since that night at his sanctuary, everything felt… off.

You had woken up in your bed, feeling dazed and lightheaded, perhaps the effects of the turmoil from the previous night.

V. The first thing on your mind as soon as you recovered your consciousness was him.

You wanted, no, needed to find him and get some answers. Why did he disappear so many years ago? Why was he hiding his true identity from you?

… What were those black markings scarring his face?

There was just one problem, you didn’t know where exactly was his sanctuary located. The secret passage behind the mirror in your dressing room came to mind, but in order to navigate the underground canals you needed a boat, not to mention that it was easy to get lost in there. Maybe you could ask the authorities for help, but how could you explain your story and make them believe you?

You made your decision on the way to the Opera House. You would start by telling Nico for the moment, you trusted her enough and she often gave the best advice on any matter.

But the moment you spotted her in the distance and tried to approach her, something strange happened.

An unseen force lodged itself in your chest, holding your voice and your heart in a vice grip that burned through your entire body. All the air in your lungs escaped you, and the feeling of daze you felt that morning returned in full force. You tried to scream, call for help, but no sound would come out of your lips. All words died as soon as they left your vocal chords.

You watched Nico leaving after someone required her assistance, and as soon as she disappeared from your line of sight, the pain stopped. As sudden as it had arrived.

You remained frozen in your place, goosebumps raised on your flesh. The moment some sensation came back to your legs, you ran away.

The day continued with relative normalcy, but your mind remained perturbed. And hours later, just as all the scheduled performances had ended for the day, you headed for your dressing room.

Once inside, the mirror opened, and everything went black.

When you opened your eyes, it was already morning the next day. Once again you woke in your bed, feeling as dazed and lightheaded as the day before. But the feeling didn’t go away, and with everyday that passed, it only became worse.

Strangely enough, your performances never faltered once despite the unknown illness weighing you down, almost as if you were doing everything automatically, like a machine following its program. You were thankful for this apparent ability to keep it together, but soon you started feeling detached. It reached a point when you could no longer feel your own body, or the melodic notes leaving your lips. You were no longer living, but rather watching your life unfold itself without any input of your own.

Many times you made an attempt to tell someone, anyone, about this; but you found that every single time you were about to do so, that terrible pain would return until you desisted. Soon, you were conditioned to stay quiet.

One day Nico began noticing your predicament, but by then that obscure force had you under its control already. She was right there, concerned and willing to help. And yet you didn’t dare to speak up.

Panic often filled your mind, hopelessness flooded your soul. You prayed and prayed for this nightmare to stop.

After another successful performance, the last one for the day, you found yourself inside the main dressing room as usual.

And as usual, the mirror opened, letting out the hidden darkness that haunted the Opera House behind everyone’s backs.

………………….

Poor unfortunate Joseph Buquet. 

Ever since that incident with the falling curtain, Nico had him double checking pretty much everything. Every rope, pulley and mechanism had to be meticulously examined in order to prevent another incident like that from happening again. Now he understood why it was such an important and critical matter, the least he wanted was for anybody to be harmed due to a malfunction after all, but his own anxiety over making a mistake and causing another accident was already getting him. The poor man would triple- no, cuadruple check every single detail in an almost paranoid way. Not a single nook or cranny would be left unattended by this dedicated worker.

So it was no surprise that today was especially bad for the nervous Mr. Buquet, for his trusty utility belt had been misplaced, making him search the whole building for his precious tools.

Only after finding his utility belt did Buquet allow himself to feel relieved, a heavy burden lifting off his tired shoulders. He was making his way back to the fly floor when the sound of hurried steps nearby reached his ears, as he turned at a corner he caught a glimpse of you closing the door to your dressing room shut. Noticing the way you entered the room in such a haste, he worried something might have happened to you. Maybe you were feeling sick and needed to rest? These days you had been looking paler than usual, and the man had to admit that seeing you in your current lamentable state tugged at his heartstrings.

Walking to your door, Buquet politely knocked at the wooden surface “Miss (Y/N), is everything alright?” But no answer came back.

He knocked again, this time a bit louder. “Miss (Y/N), are you there?” Again, no answer.

Now he was getting genuinely concerned. He even pressed his ear to the door in an attempt to hear whatever was happening inside, but he found only silence.

“Miss (Y/N) I’m opening the door right now!” Buquet immediately took hold of the knob and slowly cracked it open, merely peeking inside just in case you needed some privacy after all.

The sight that greeted him sent chills to his very bones.

A tall shadowy figure towered at the back of the room, its arms wrapped around your unconscious body in a seemingly possessive manner. Like a ghost, it moved towards the mirror and disappeared with you in its arms.

Buquet stood frozen as his mind tried to process what just happened before him.

He had heard the stories, rumors about an entity that haunted the Opera House. Some workers would mention seeing shadows through the corners of their eyes, others would claim that low growling noises could be heard at the hallways when they were empty enough, and a few would tell how they found strange iridescent blue feathers in the most bizarre locations inside the premises.

His mind pictured the heavy curtain that mysteriously fell on Carlotta. Then, the strange Box Four that always remained unoccupied despite the concierge’s claims about hearing a voice coming from inside.

They called it different names. A poltergeist, a monster, a demon… a Phantom…

But this time they hadn’t moved a prop or taken a simple object with them.

This time, they had taken a person.

………………….

Locked inside one of the restrooms designated for the staff, Mr. Buquet did his best to calm himself down. He had just witnessed the kidnapping of a promising young woman by the hands of an… an entity.

His hands flew to his hair in panic. What could he do? Nobody would believe a phantom had spirited away the company’s Prima Donna!

He… he had to have been hallucinating! Yes, that had to be it. For years the staff has accused the Phantom for all the minor inconveniences that often sabotaged rehearsals and productions, but this was an entirely different story, a songstress was just kidnapped for Lord Sparda’s sake! Urban legends or not, the supposed Phantom had never gone to these extremes before.

Splashing some cold water on his tired face one last time, Buquet finally exited the restroom and made his way back home, all the while reassuring himself that what he had witnessed couldn’t have been real.

‘Tomorrow Miss (Y/N) is gonna come to work as always. Nothing bad happened to her. Right now she is at home, resting on her bed.’ He would repeat himself over and over.

And the next day, Buquet got his much needed relief when he saw you rehearsing at the stage as if nothing had transcurred the night before. He almost let out an euphoric laugh when he saw you safe and sound and that he had been anxious for nothing.

Concluding that the constant burnout was the cause of his hallucinations, Mr. Buquet requested for a few days off to recover, a request that Monsieur Andre approved without thinking twice. 

Everything was going to be okay… or so thought Joseph Buquet.

Castings for a new production called ‘Il Muto’ were about to start in a few weeks, and everyone was about to witness how a single wrong decision could unleash the most gruesome of horrors.

[coll2mitts]

#28 Hairspray (2007)

Welcome to Hairspray, where a well-intentioned, woke, white teenage girl singlehandedly ends segregation in 1960s Baltimore.

Y’know, after watching Cry-Baby, I wasn’t super keen on revisiting Hairspray, but I figured it deserved a fair shot.  I hadn’t seen the original since I was in high school, so I booted up HBO Max and settled in for a long night of old-timey dance moves and racial inequality.  Guys... the 1988 version of Hairspray is flippin’ great.

The cast is just to die for.  Ricki Lake, who I only knew as a talk show host in my childhood, is a great Tracy Turnblad.  My favorite devious sea witch Divine is her mother, and Jerry Stiller is her father.  Goddamn Debbie Harry and Sunny Bono are her rival’s parents, and Amber Von Tussle is motherfucking Colleen Fitzpatrick.  As someone who has a vested interest in all famous Colleens, I was stoked to see that Hairspray was Vitamin C’s first acting gig.

FUN FACT: According to Wikipedia (which is never wrong), Graduation (Friends Forever) charts on iTunes at the end of every school year.  Colleen is also the VP of music at Nickelodeon, so she’s doing just fine.

Anyway, the original Hairspray is campy, edgy and hilarious.  If I were Miss Soft Crab 1945, I too would bring it up every chance I got.  The story really boils down to two horny teenage girls trying to claw their way to the top, but the charm of Tracy is she’s trying to pull everyone else up with her.  The way they handle segregation and racial inequality is over-the-top ridiculous, but somehow more realistic than its updated counterpart (put a pin in this).  I mean, a racist white woman shoved a bomb in her hair to own the libs and it gloriously explodes on her head.  I haven’t seen the musical adaptation of Hairspray, so my opinions of how true it is to its source material won’t be explored here, but the 2007 movie adaptation, to me, left a lot to be desired.

Hairspray might be the most popular in a recent trend of non-musical movies being adapted for Broadway.  I remember back in the 90s when Beauty and the Beast hit the stage - it was so successful Disney now has the movie-to-Broadway pipeline on speed dial.  But now we’re getting a shitload of movies with no musical elements being fast tracked to Broadway, like Kinky Boots, Bend it Like Beckham, Mean Girls, Beetlejuice, Heathers, Waitress, Legally Blonde, fucking Groundhog Day with music written by Tim Minchin, just, so goddamn many of them.  I love musicals, but to say I didn’t want to see The Heathers threaten Veronica in 3-part harmony would be an understatement, so I’m immediately skeptical to the quality of this content and hesitant to consume it.  Unfortunately for me, Hairspray is one of the few who had their *corny* musical adaptation also committed to film, and it is a neutered, earnest, high school choir translation of the original and it made my teeth hurt.

The two positives I’ll give the remake are the sets/costumes are great, and the cast serve their roles well, although I will never be OK with someone wearing a fat suit as a costume.  The songs are... fine.  Again, this era of music is not my favorite, so I’m never going to get excited over “It Takes Two” or “I Can Hear the Bells”.  It’s just the tone is so different from the original, and by the end of the movie I was exhausted and very glad it was over.  Writing about it now has required several breaks and side-tangents and I can’t even get to the fucking synopsis of the movie... ugh let’s just do this.

Tracy Turnblad is a “pleasantly plump” teenage girl living in 1960s Baltimore whose sunny disposition makes her oblivious to the reality of murky situation she is living in.  We’re quickly introduced to her obsession, “The Corny Collins Show”, which features a number of far-out teens that love to dance, including multi-year winner of Miss Teenage Hairspray and miss Pitch Perfect herself Amber Von Tussel.  Her mother, Velma, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, is the station manager at WYZT, and uses her power to keep Amber featured front and center.  

After a girl on the show gets knocked up, an audition is held to replace her.  While Tracy’s mother Edna, regrettably played by John Travolta in a fat suit, is afraid that Tracy’s weight will prevent her from landing the gig, her father, puzzlingly played by like a 60-something Christopher Walken, is generally supportive.  True to Edna’s feeling, Tracy is fat shamed by Amber and Velma and doesn’t make the cut.

After getting detention for skipping class for an audition that didn’t pan out, Tracy makes friends with a bunch of black students who are all excellent dancers.  Turns out her new friend Seaweed is the son of Motormouth Maybelle, the sometimes-host of "The Corny Collins Show”, played by Queen Latifah.  Velma, in addition to being a massive bitch, also segregates the station’s black talent from the main show, only to be featured one night a month on “Negro Day”.  While Tracy is boogying down, Link, Amber’s boyfriend and one of the stars of TCCS, peeps at her ass and tells her if she shook her rump in front of Corny at the Hop, he’d have no choice but to put her on the show.

In the original movie, Tracy Turnblad fucks.  She moves in on Link and devours him whole, with no mind given to her size.  She is a kind of bratty, confident young teenager that isn’t afraid to reach out and grab what she wants.  Tracy in the 2007 version is the most innocent cinnamon roll that has ever been baked.  Link gives her one compliment and she drifts into fantasies of marrying him.  Part of me is annoyed by this, but the other part of me appreciates misguided optimism played as humor.

At the Corny Collins hop, Tracy steals borrows Seaweed’s dance move and lands a place on TCCS council.  After declaring she wants every day to be Negro Day, the head of the station declares he wants that “chubby communist girl” off the show.  Corny, played by a dreamy James Marsden, sticks his neck out for Tracy and furthermore, says the show should be integrated.  As Tracy’s popularity skyrockets, the station shows more leeway to her size and her look, but to maintain some semblance of control, Velma works to completely edge out Negro Day.

Meanwhile, Link is clued into how fun it is in detention, and him, Tracy, and Penny all dance their way to Motormouth Maybelle’s record store for a potluck.  When Seaweed introduces his new white friends to his mother, Penny delivers my favorite line of the whole movie, “I’m very pleased and scared to be here.”  Amber rats out Tracy’s activities to her mother, and Edna arrives to Motormouth’s with the intention of dragging Tracy home until she realizes that black people are OK because they eat brisket.

After Edna shoves a bunch of food in her face, the gang finds out that Negro Day on “The Corny Collins Show” has been cancelled.  Tracy has the great idea to protest the television station, and all the black people are like, “Why didn’t we think of that?”  Link decides to bow out of the march because there’ll be talent agents at the Miss Hairspray Pageant, and he doesn’t want to give up his big shot at fame and glory to fight for a entire race of people’s basic rights.

The next day, Tracy and her mom are the only white people in a sea of black people to march to the station.  Queen Latifah sings a very earnest song about the resilience of her community, because this is the Serious Portion TM of the musical.  Tracy assaults a police officer without giving any mind to what it would do for all the black people she’s marching with, and runs away to let them handle the consequences.  The movie doesn’t show any police brutality because Reasons, and a bunch of protestors are arrested and immediately bailed out by Tracy’s Dad.  Tracy eventually ends up back at Motormouth Maybelle’s record shop so she can hide there without considering how dangerous it would be for Motormouth to harbor a fugitive of the law.  

The next day is the Miss Teen Hairspray competition broadcast at WYZT, and with Tracy being wanted by the police, they have to sneak her into the station.  She bum-rushes the set to sing a song with a now-enlightened Link about not stopping progress, while also inviting Motormouth Maybelle’s daughter, Little Inez, on stage to dance.  Everybody calls-in to vote for her because the only racist people in Baltimore run the television station, and Little Inez is crowned Miss Teen Hairspray.  Amber is like fine with it even though her mom isn’t, and everyone dances and sings to celebrate that “The Corny Collins” show is now integrated!  Meanwhile, I’m left wondering why Amanda Bynes was forced to wear a dress that she can’t move her legs in, even though they knew she would participate in the show’s closing dance number.  The end.

Oh, and there’s also a whole B plot where Velma tries to fuck Tracy’s dad and Tracy’s mom finds out and gets upset for like 30 seconds.  This is immediately resolved by a song and dance number among a bunch of laundry.

This movie is fine and competent or whatever, but for some reason it just rubs me the entirely wrong way.  Tracy constantly says that the 1960s are changing for people who are different, implying that an overweight white teen also knows what it’s like to be discriminated against in the same way black people are.  The movie does roll its eyes at some of her most tone-deaf “I’m an overenthusiastic ally” moments, like “I wish every day was Negro Day!” and “This is afro-tastic!”, but it also goes out of its way to talk about how much Tracy has helped the black community.  Like, by doing what?  Being fat and on TV?  That being said, she does use her privilege to feature black dancers on a major television broadcast, so by the end of the movie she becomes the person everyone says she is.  Also, I’m a dumb, overweight, white, middle-aged woman, so I’m not the right person to get all indignant about a well-intentioned feel-good Broadway musical.

Final thoughts: If you love bright colors, cheese, and sincere, glossy reflections of the 1960s civil rights movement written by a bunch of white dudes, this movie is for you.

[musicalgifs]

lgbt musicals

since it’s lgbt history month, i made a list of musicals with lgbt characters/lgbt themes! i’m only including canon lgbt characters. this is by no means a comprehensive list, and feel free to add on to it! under the cut because it got long

everybody’s talking about jamie: about a gay teenage boy who wants to become a drag queen. very fun and very heartfelt message about loving yourself and the people around you. based on a true documentary about jamie campbell.

fun home: another based on a true story, this time on alison bechdel’s autobiographical graphic novel, also called fun home. it deals with her relationship with her father and her life growing up and discovering her sexuality. it was the first broadway musical to star a lesbian protagonist!

if/then: about a woman and the different paths her life could take. the protagonist and main romance are very heterosexual, but there are subplots with a wlw couple and an mlm couple.

jagged little pill: this one is tricky: i haven’t listened to it myself but from what i can gather, it features a character called jo who was originally nonbinary but has been rewritten to be a cis lesbian? do with that what you will. it’s a jukebox musical based on the music of alanis morrissette. it also has a nb actor, ezra menas, who understudies jo.

& juliet: another jukebox musical, this one is based on the music of max martin. it’s about if juliet lived at the end of romeo and juliet, and features new characters including may, juliet’s best friend who is nonbinary and enters a relationship with francois, a pansexual man (both of these are confirmed outside of the show but may being nb is p obvious in-show). shakespeare and romeo are also heavily implied to be bisexual.

lizzie: based on the true story of the lizzie borden murders, and includes a probably not true romance between lizzie borden and her friend alice russell. it also has an all female cast of only four people. 

love in hate nation: about a girl who is sent to a juvenile detention hall and falls in love with another girl there. teenage rebellion ensues. set in the 1960′s.

the prom: about a teenage girl who wants to take her girlfriend to the prom, but isn’t allowed. a bunch of broadway stars get involved? that’s literally all i know about the show.

rent: probably the most famous of these, about a group of artists in new york during the aids epidemic. has a wlw couple and a relationship between a gay man and (i think) a genderfluid drag queen? angel’s gender is debated, she could also be a trans woman, i genuinely can’t tell what was the intention there

zanna, don’t!: about a world where being gay is the norm and heterosexuality is looked down upon. it’s set in high school, where a heterosexual couple are oppressed and their friend zanna uses magic to try and help them.

[williamismyhomeboy]

Interview from www.popmusicfan.com 2005

If you only choose one new band to listen to this year, don't let it be anyone other than The Academy Is. With a brand new debut CD out on Fueled by Ramen records and a tour with labelmates Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes, this band is ready to show everyone that they take their music seriously -- but still have fun while doing it. We hung out with lead singer William Beckett on the April 14th stop of their tour and somehow braved the freezing Florida weather.

How's the tour going so far? William: Well, the tour has been pretty spectacular so far. This is our first tour having had the record out and it's been really overwhelming, the response from people and from the other bands as well. We're good friends with all the bands on tour, we didn't know Silverstein until like two days ago, but they're really cool guys. But yeah, it's been great, I miss Midtown... but there's always next time. If you had to choose three bands for the ultimate tour, either to go see or to play with, who would you choose and why? William: Fleetwood Mac because I love Fleetwood Mac, they're one of the great rock bands that did it in a pop way, in a really classy way, too. Led Zepplin.. to go see or to go play with? Jennifer: Either one. William: Oh, yeah, it'd be the same anyway. Pink Floyd, I wouldn't want Pink Floyd because it'd be bad to play with them, they're just too conceptionally profound. Their show is far too extravagant, we'd look like amateurs. Jennifer: Well, if you were just going to see them... William: Oh, yeah, so Pink Floyd. What are your pet peeves about the other guys in the band? William: I've never been asked this before, this is interesting. Yeah, there's a lot. It's a cool thing about being in the band, you never spend that much time with anyone ever. Even married couples don't spend that much time together and that's not even just one on one, that's seven or eight dudes sleeping on a bus. So yeah, we have our differences, just being different people, having different personalities. One day we'll be in a bad mood, one day we'll be in a good mood, one day someone will smell bad and we won't, you know... But for the most part, it's a really brotherly love/hate relationship like most brothers and sisters. For us, we're like a family, the way that we sort of stick it through, for the most part. If you found out you were adopted and you had two celebrities as your birth parents, who would you want them to be and why? William: Wow, I haven't been asked these questions before, this is really cool. If I found out I was adopted... do they have to be like during the same time? Jennifer: Nope, whoever. William: For a mom, I'd probably go with Audrey Hepburn and I'd probably go with... this is tough. I should pick someone like Abe Lincoln or someone crazy. Yeah, I'm gonna pick George Bush. Jennifer: Which one? William: GW, I'm gonna pick GW. Jennifer: Do you like Bush? William: I don't want to talk about it. But his kids seem to have a good time. [everyone laughs] Jennifer: True! William: Right? So there we are.

What's the most embarrassing CD you have in your collection? William: Well, I have a lot of guilty pleasures, stuff most people would think is like, 'What?' Like Rod Stewart and Prince, a lot of stuff that you guys probably don't like or listen to. But my first hip hop CD that I ever bought was Ginuwine so bad. Jennifer: That's not that bad, it could be worse! William: No way, that's so bad, that's so terribly bad. Jennifer: What about Sisqo or something? William: Well, that's... wait, is that you? Jennifer: No! [everyone laughs] Well, I do have his CD, but it's from like seventh grade! William: Yeah, Ginuwine... well, Sisqo's probably worse. But at any rate, I'm a big opera fan, too. That's not really an embarrassing thing, but yeah. Jennifer: Have you seen Phantom of the Opera? William: Yeah! Jennifer: Was it good? William: Uh, no. I've seen the actual opera before... Jennifer: I did, too! On Broadway? William: Yeah! And it's amazing, I was raised on the Andrew Lloyd Webber performance disc and then I saw the movie and it was cool, but they changed some lines and it was just really Hollywood. The singing wasn't great, all the actors actually sang so it was cool but they just didn't do it very well, I don't think. Who's the most famous person that you have in your cell phone? William: Probably, like... I don't like name dropping. Jennifer: You can do it, we'll forgive you. William: [laughs] I should make a joke... Pete Wentz, and that's a joke, but Pete's getting pretty famous. That I actually talk to? Jennifer: Um... yeah. Or do you have any random people in there that you just got from a friend or anything? William: Yeah, I have Jakob Dylan's number but I never use it. I have, I don't know, I don't really look for famous peoples' numbers but the most famous person I have is probably Lyor Cohen, you probably don't know who he is. He owns Warner Brothers and Electra and Atlantic. He's like a multi-billionaire and he's one of the coolest guys in the world. I've met a lot of label people before but yeah, he's probably the most admirable one. If you had to describe yourself in five words, which ones would you choose? William: Myself? I'm really bad with self description, I'm really good with self reflection and creation and song writing and things like that, but actually flat out 'this is who I am?' Honest, passionate, polite, moderately-conservative... hyphenated! And, uh, sexual. Jennifer: Oh, that's a good one! Just kidding. William: I'm actually kidding, that wouldn't be my top five. Jennifer: None of them? William: No! None of them wouldn't except for sexual. Kidding once again, there we are! There we are, just joking. So there's my four. What's the biggest purchase that you've made since getting signed and everything? William: Other than my laptop... uh, yeah, it's my new Mac G4, I don't know I feel like a nerd talking about it. But yeah, my new laptop, probably. I try to conserve, to save my money, I don't really like to spend it on a lot of things. What are one of your favorite lyrics from one of your songs? William: It's really hard because... I think you'd have to take each song for it's whole, the song in it's whole is the work, you know what I mean? But I guess in the bridge of "Down and Out," I don't know if you know which song that is, but that song is the closest to me personally. The bridge is really cool and really close to me and all of our friends, just because we name dropped all of our good friends who really helped us and who we wouldn't be here without, and a bunch of records that we were influenced by during the writing process. Like, uh, Johnny and Tony, if you know the lyrics, they started a small record label called LLR and we had our EP on there. I had a solo project in high school.. Jennifer: Wasn't that Remember Maine? William: Yeah! Wow! You did your homework. So that was sort of like the moment in my life where I was making the decision to do music versus going to school, and no one believed in me really except for me and Johnny and Tony. It was a little bit later on that Tony came into the picture but Johnny was and is my best friend and the reason why I'm here, so he helped us get our foot into the door and we've sort of had this success since then which surpassed what they did for us. But we kind of took them with us, like now Johnny is head of retail at Fueled by Ramen. We were like, 'Hey, Fueled by Ramen, this dude is awesome, pick him up!' And Tony is our tour manager, on tour with us, so it's great, it's awesome. That's pretty much the bridge. Jennifer: We were kind of talking about that last night, about how random all the names are and stuff? We were wondering about that. William: Well the song sort of starts with this story about domestic abuse and escaping and getting away from something that you're afraid of or harmed by, it's sort of really dark. But the whole essence of the song, we didn't want to just focus on that, we wanted to focus on the ups and downs of life and growing up. The second verse says a lot about that growth process and friends and coming to that realization that most of your friends in high school, you're going to have to say goodbye to relatively soon and that's something that's hard for everybody I think, to say goodbye to anyone, be it death or be it whatever someone chooses or ends up having have happen to them. But for us it's not about like finding a dark corner and hiding and blaming other people and getting angry and aggressive, it's about accepting darker times and sort of welcoming those things when they happen, you know, to better understand and appreciate the great things in your life and the people that love you. Are you okay? Jolene: Uh huh! William: You're just cold, aren't you? Do you want my jacket? Jolene: No, it's okay. William: Are you sure? Jolene: Yeah, I'm fine! William: So yeah, for us it was really fitting to make the song about more than just that instance, you know, to make it a little more well-rounded so that was just, yeah.

What's something that people would be surprised to learn about the band? William: Probably our seriousness and what we're trying to accomplish. We have a lot of fun, we do, we indulge but our main scope isn't to be a big band and get famous and get chicks, or to get drunk and do drugs and be like this icon. Like, no one will tell you that unless they're just straight up rockstars, but for us, we really want to help people and change the world in the smallest way or globally and that's really what our end of the road goal is. To transcend age, to transcend sex, to transcend race, to transcend languages. Bands like U2, bands like Pink Floyd and bands that I was talking about earlier, bands that shaped generations and shaped people. It's like, 'You're playing these indie tours, you're playing to these young kids, how are you supposed to change the world?' But for me, I see that as an opportunity also. I also want to appeal to older crowds, I want to appeal to people our age, or maybe people that are a little bit older, like twenty-six, twenty-seven years-old and I think that our record does and will once they hear it. But for the future, as we expand and grow and as our minds grow and as our musicianship and our scope and those things grow, we want to be one of those bands that can make a difference and can help people. We want to be that band that you saw when you were fourteen, like our parents loved the Beatles or whoever when they were fourteen years old and they still love them today, and they're like fifty or sixty years-old. That's the band that we're going to be, because we're going to be the band or the songwriters that stick with the generations. I think the way you do that is being fucking straight up honest and genuine and unselfish. If you write about things that are self-loathing and very trendy and very high school angst, those are the people you're going to appeal to and that's it. You know, your mom's not going to listen to a band that sings about slitting their own throat or hanging themselves or crappy metaphors that are in like, Goosebumps books, you know? I think being genuine and honest and smart and unselfish and really looking at the world in a different light... if you have a minute, I try to do this exercise every morning. I think about people's minds, in this example let's think about the musician or whoever that's on a label that's writing these lyrics, okay? I sort of think of their creative mind as a room and let's take one of these singers that sings about one of these things like self-loathing or slitting wrists or something. So they're in this room and it's totally dark, and they have this candle in front of them and it's creating this light that they can only see like three inches in front of their face. They can only relate to those three inches in front of them which is their own little isolation bubble where they can't relate to anything beyond that because they don't know it exists. So they're so wrapped in themselves, writing about how much life sucks and how much it's unfair and about how much they've been mistreated. Or also things that are very self-righteous, like, 'I'm the best, this is how you do it,' things like that. There are those people everywhere, they're in high schools, they're parenting children, they're on their death beds... they're everywhere, you know? These people, I think, especially these artists are too wrapped up in themselves to realize that there might be a wall behind them with a light switch and if you flip that switch there's this whole room around you that illuminates. And for me, that's the world around me, that's everything. That's this tree, that's you guys, that's my family back home, that's this show, these people that are here, the people that are staying at this hotel. It's how it's cold and you're cold and I'm sorry that you're cold, you know? It's the world around you. Every morning I try to wake up and turn on the light, I try to turn on my creative room light to make sure that I'm always viewing the world in the way. I think if more people did that, a lot of things could change for people in their own lives and in other people's lives. That's one of the main things that I'm trying to convey, especially in our newest stuff that we're writing for the next record, so yeah, that's sort of something that people probably don't know about me or us. Jennifer: You're awesome, I decided that. Just now. What's the strangest voicemail or answering message that you've ever received? William: Received? I've given a lot of crazy ones. Probably the strangest one I've ever received... man, it's on the spot, you got me again. I'm tongue tied. Ohhh yeah, this is awesome! [everyone laughs] There was a point when I got a lot of prank calls when people hated me and stuff, it was that stupid, like... Jennifer: Jealousy? William: Kind of, but it was before I had really any success, it was just myself going for what I believed in. Since I was doing something different and not going for a screamo band or something, so it was a big deal when I was playing an acoustic guitar and singing melodies, so it was like 'What the hell?' It was a big uproar. So I got like crazy ones like, 'You're a faggot, you should kill yourself,' stuff like that. Jennifer: That's so mean! Jolene: That's terrible! William: Yeah, but it's awesome, though. No, for real! It's so funny, I know for a fact that that person has grown up and has seen me live by example and that I went for my dream and it's totally paid off, and it's going to pay off in the future more fruitfully than ever. Instead of me feeling anger and being like, 'Fuck that guy, I hope he's burning in Hell' or whatever, I hope that he realized that the way that he was living and the fear that he had about being his own person, I hope that he turned that around, so yeah, it's kind of funny. Jennifer: What about one of the funny ones that you've left people? William: Oh, man, there were some nights that I just called people singing crazy songs that I totally made up at four in the morning, I don't even know, man. I can't really get into too much detail, there were some wild ones. I do voices, I'll be like, 'Hey, yo-a, it's Johnny from over at Auto Repairing, I got your car and it's looking sweet.' [everyone laughs] I have this British voice and this gay voice and some other shit and it's hilarious, I would leave people messages like that and not tell them who I am. What's the last movie that you saw? William: Last movie? Oh, man, that's bad, that's terrible. I had a journal that I write on the website and I actually just talked about this. I'm on this weird horror movie kick right now, and I'm into crappy old horror movies right now. Not even old, like eighties or nineties. I don't recommend them to anyone, it's like Pet Sematary and From Dusk Til Dawn. Well that's like a Quentin Tarantino movie so that's actually a good movie, but the last movie I actually watched was House of 1000 Corpses. [everyone laughs] Jennifer: Oh, God. Jolene: Did you like that? William: I think it's great! For two reasons, alright. One, it's not original by any stretch of the imagination as far as a horror film, it's like Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets something vile, you know. It's basically like Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets a strip club, that's what that movie is. But, BUT-- Jennifer: Oh, I want to hear the but, because I don't think there's any defending this movie. [everyone laughs] William: The way that the movie is edited and the way that the movie is shot, with the color contrast and the way that it looks is just fucking phenomenal. I think the movie is so cool purely because of the way that it looks and because of the cinematography of it, but I'm just a geek like that, those are the kinds of things I look for. But if we're talking about movies that are actually good, go buy Big Fish, it's a great movie. Jennifer: Is it good? I heard that it's really depressing. William: Did you? No way. Jennifer: I work at a video store and that's what everyone's told me, I haven't watched it. William: But those people that told you that mind be those people-- Jennifer: Oh, the close minded ones, yeah. William: The people with the light off! If you watch that movie it's so cool because it seriously confronts some issues like death and memories and relationships being parents and fathers and mothers and their children. I thought it was a really heartwarming movie, especially at the end. It's not this cheese fucking Hollywood ending that everyone wishes would happen but doesn't, you know, but yeah I think it's a great movie. Jennifer: Have you seen I Heart Huckabees? William: I have not, yet. Jennifer: It seems like a movie you'd like. William: I'm sure I would like it. Jennifer: It's kinda like, off the wall, it seems like one you'd like. William: My girlfriend got it and said that it was pretty cool and I'd probably like it. Yeah, I should probably get it. Jennifer: Yeah, I didn't like it that much. William: You didn't? Jennifer: I like my stupid girly movies. William: Like what? Like what? Jennifer:: Like, have you seen the Notebook? William:: I haven't seen that one yet! Jennifer: What?! It's so good. You will cry, I bet. William: I'm one of those dudes that cries in movies, like seriously. Jennifer: Everyone cries in that movie! William: Dude, I even cried in, this is so embarrassing, I even cried in A Walk to Remember. Jolene: Oh, I cried in that one. Jennifer: That movie is so sad! William: I cried like seven times in that movie ALONE, I was alone! I have a huge crush on Mandy Moore, too, like a Hollywood Crush. Jennifer: That one was really sad. William: But at the same time, you know, it's also very... Jennifer: No. William: You don't think so? Jennifer: No! She should've lived. William: But she did through him! She changed. Jennifer: I know, I know! But wouldn't it have been better if she just lived forever? William: Well, it's not Hollywood. Jennifer: I know! What's in your pocket right now? William: Like, seventeen cents in change and a guitar pic, and that's it. Oh, and my cell phone is in my jacket, if that counts. Jennifer: It counts! William: These are cool questions! Did you make them up, too? Jolene: No. [laughs] William: Maybe you should let her make some up next time! Jennifer: I tried! I was like, 'Jolene, help me think of some questions.' She said, 'We're going to do it on the way there.' Two and a half hours later, oh no, no questions. [everyone laughs]

What's in your CD player right now? William: I have an I-Pod. Jennifer: Well what's on your I-Pod that you're listening to a lot lately? William: I'm just going to be difficult. No, I have an I-Pod, sorry. [everyone laughs] I listen to tapes, I don't even have a CD player. No, uh, what am I like loving right now? I'm loving Ryan Adams right now. I'm loving Muse. Jennifer: Oh, they're so good! William: I was on this huge Muse thing and I totally forgot about it and didn't listen to it for forever. I listened to them again today and I was like, AH! I was like, [does Italian voice] yes, yes, yes, this is so good. [everyone laughs] I'm listening to a lot of Radiohead, I'm always listening to Simon and Garfunkel, I'm a huge Simon and Garfunkel fan. Prince, I'm listening to a lot of Prince, a bit of Bowie. It's sort of today's little shuffle encompassed, so that was that. What's the last concert you've went to, other than one that you've played at? William: Damn... I was at South by Southwest but I didn't see any bands, I was just wandering throughout the streets. Last time I was at a show, watching bands... oh, yeah! it was an acoustic show in Chicago, it was Bob Nanna from Hey Mercedes and Justin Pierre from Motion City Soundtrack. They just played acoustic, it was really cool. What are some questions that you hate hearing in interviews? I probably should've asked you this at the beginning so I wouldn't have asked you any of them. William: [laughs] Yeah, right! There really aren't any questions that I really hate, I encourage tough questions. I enjoy people asking tough questions. Hard hitting questions or ones that are condescending because it's their right as journalists to ask those questions. I wouldn't ask somebody, 'What songs do you hate? And I won't write those.' No, I wouldn't ask anyone that, I would just write what I love and write what I want. So yeah, that's my answer. What's a question that you've been wanting an interviewer to ask you but they haven't? William: I haven't thought of one because with every interview, with a few exceptions, I've been asked new questions that I haven't heard before, like today for instance. That's enough for me to keep interested.

[blackkudos]

Luther Vandross

Luther Ronzoni Vandross Jr. (April 20, 1951 – July 1, 2005) was an American singer, songwriter, and record producer. Throughout his career, Vandross was an in-demand background vocalist for several different artists including Todd Rundgren, Judy Collins, Chaka Khan, Bette Midler, Diana Ross, David Bowie, Ben E. King, and Donna Summer. He later became a lead singer of the group Change, which released its gold-certified debut album, The Glow of Love, in 1980 on Warner/RFC Records. After Vandross left the group, he was signed to Epic Records as a solo artist and released his debut solo album, Never Too Much, in 1981.

His hit songs include "Never Too Much", "Here and Now", "Any Love", "Power of Love/Love Power", "I Can Make It Better" and "For You to Love". Many of his songs were covers of original music by other artists such as "If This World Were Mine" (duet with Cheryl Lynn), "Since I Lost My Baby", "Superstar" and "Always and Forever". Duets such as "The Closer I Get to You" with Beyoncé, "Endless Love" with Mariah Carey and "The Best Things in Life Are Free" with Janet Jackson were all hit songs in his career.

During his career, Vandross sold over 35 million records worldwide, and received eight Grammy Awards including Best Male R&B Vocal Performance four different times. He won a total of four Grammy Awards in 2004 including the Grammy Award for Song of the Year for a song recorded not long before his death, "Dance with My Father".

Early life

Luther Ronzoni Vandross, Jr. was born on April 20, 1951, at Bellevue Hospital, in the Kips Bay neighborhood of Manhattan, New York City. He was the fourth child and second son of Mary Ida Vandross and Luther Vandross, Sr. His father was an upholsterer and singer, and his mother was a nurse. Vandross was raised in Manhattan's Lower East Side in the NYCHA Alfred E. Smith Houses public housing development. At the age of three, having his own phonograph, Vandross taught himself to play the piano by ear.

Vandross's father died of diabetes when Vandross was eight years old. In 2003, Vandross wrote the song "Dance with My Father" and dedicated it to him; the title was based on his childhood memories and his mother's recollections of the family singing and dancing in the house. His family moved to the Bronx when he was nine. His sisters, Patricia "Pat" and Ann began taking Vandross to the Apollo Theater and to a theater in Brooklyn to see Dionne Warwick and Aretha Franklin. Patricia sang with the vocal group The Crests and was featured on the songs "My Juanita" and "Sweetest One".

Vandross graduated from William Howard Taft High School in the Bronx in 1969, and attended Western Michigan University for a year before dropping out to continue pursuing a career in music.

Career

While in high school, Vandross founded the first Patti LaBelle fan club, of which he was president. He also performed in a group, Shades of Jade, that once played at the Apollo Theater. During his early years in show business he appeared several times at the Apollo's famous amateur night. While a member of a theater workshop, Listen My Brother, he was involved in the singles "Only Love Can Make a Better World" and "Listen My Brother". He appeared with the group in several episodes of the first season of Sesame Street during 1969–1970.

1970s: Back-up vocalist and first groups

Vandross added backing vocals to Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway in 1972, and worked on Delores Hall's Hall-Mark album (1973). He sang with her on the song "Who's Gonna Make It Easier for Me", which he wrote, and he contributed another song, "In This Lonely Hour". Having co-written "Fascination" for David Bowie's Young Americans (1975), he went on to tour with him as a back-up vocalist in September 1974. Vandross wrote "Everybody Rejoice" for the 1975 Broadway musical The Wiz.

Vandross also sang backing vocals for artists including Roberta Flack,Chaka Khan, Ben E. King, Bette Midler, Diana Ross, Carly Simon, Barbra Streisand, and Donna Summer, and for the bands Mandrill, Chic and Todd Rundgren's Utopia.

Before his solo breakthrough, Vandross was part of a singing quintet in the late 1970s named Luther, consisting of former Shades of Jade members Anthony Hinton and Diane Sumler, as well as Theresa V. Reed, and Christine Wiltshire, signed to Cotillion Records. Although the singles "It's Good for the Soul", "Funky Music (Is a Part of Me)", and "The Second Time Around" were relatively successful, their two albums, the self-titled Luther (1976) and This Close to You (1977), which Vandross produced, did not sell enough to make the charts. Vandross bought back the rights to those albums after Cotillion dropped the group, preventing them from being re-released.

Vandross also wrote and sang commercial jingles from 1977 until the early 1980s, for companies including NBC, Mountain Dew, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Burger King, and Juicy Fruit. He continued his successful career as a popular session singer during the late 1970s.

In 1978, Vandross sang lead vocals for Greg Diamond's disco band, Bionic Boogie, on the song titled "Hot Butterfly". Also in 1978, he appeared on Quincy Jones's Sounds...and Stuff Like That!!, most notably on the song "I'm Gonna Miss You in the Morning" along with Patti Austin. Vandross also sang with the band Soirée and was the lead vocalist on the track "You Are the Sunshine of My Life"; he also contributed background vocals to the album along with Jocelyn Brown and Sharon Redd, each of whom also saw solo success. Additionally, he sang the lead vocals on the group Mascara's LP title song "See You in L.A." released in 1979. Vandross also appeared on the group Charme's 1979 album Let It In.

1980s: Change and solo breakthrough

Vandross made his career breakthrough as a featured singer with the vaunted pop-dance act Change, a studio concept created by French-Italian businessman Jacques Fred Petrus. Their 1980 hits, "The Glow of Love" (by Romani, Malavasi and Garfield) and "Searching" (by Malavasi), featured Vandross as the lead singer. In a 2001 interview with Vibe, Vandross said "The Glow of Love" was "the most beautiful song I've ever sung in my life." Both songs were from Change's debut album, The Glow of Love.

Vandross was originally intended to perform on their second and highly successful album Miracles in 1981, but declined the offer as Petrus didn't pay enough money. Vandross's decision led to a recording contract with Epic Records that same year, but he also provided background vocals on "Miracles" and on the new Petrus-created act, the B. B. & Q. Band in 1981. During that hectic year Vandross jump-started his second attempt at a solo career with his debut album, Never Too Much. In addition to the hit title track it contained a version of the Dionne Warwick song "A House Is Not a Home".

The song "Never Too Much", written by him, reached number-one on the R&B charts. This period also marked the beginning of songwriting collaboration with bassist Marcus Miller, who played on many of the tracks and would also produce or co-produce a number of tracks for Vandross. The Never Too Much album was arranged by Vandross's high school classmate Nat Adderley, Jr., a collaboration that would last through Vandross's career.

Vandross released a series of successful R&B albums during the 1980s and continued his session work with guest vocals on groups like Charme in 1982. Many of his earlier albums made a bigger impact on the R&B charts than on the pop charts. During the 1980s, two of Vandross's singles reached No. 1 on the Billboard R&B charts: "Stop to Love", in 1986, and a duet with Gregory Hines—"There's Nothing Better Than Love." Vandross was at the helm as producer for Aretha Franklin's Gold-certified, award-winning comeback album Jump to It. He also produced the follow-up album, 1983's Get It Right.

In 1983, the opportunity to work with his main musical influence, Dionne Warwick, came about with Vandross producing, writing songs, and singing on How Many Times Can We Say Goodbye, her fourth album for Arista Records. The title track duet reached No. 27 on the Hot 100 chart (#7 R&B/#4 Adult Contemporary), while the second single, "Got a Date" was a moderate hit (#45 R&B/#15 Club Play).

Vandross wrote and produced "It's Hard for Me to Say" for Diana Ross from her Red Hot Rhythm & Blues album. Ross performed the song as an a cappella tribute to Oprah Winfrey on her final season of The Oprah Winfrey Show. She then proceeded to add it to her successful 2010–12 "More Today Than Yesterday: The Greatest Hits Tour. Vandross also recorded a version of this song on his Your Secret Love album in 1996.

In December 1985, Vandross filed a libel suit against a British magazine after it attributed his 85-pound weight loss to AIDS. He weighed 325 pounds when he started a diet in May that year.

In 1985, Vandross first spotted the talent of Jimmy Salvemini, who was fifteen at the time, on Star Search. He thought Salvemini had the perfect voice for some of his songs, and contacted him. He was managed by his brother, Larry Salvemini. A contract was negotiated with Elektra Records for $250,000 and Vandross agreed to produce the album. He contacted his old friends - Cheryl Lynn, Alfa Anderson (Chic), Phoebe Snow and Irene Cara - to appear on the record. After the album was completed, Luther, Jimmy, and Larry decided to celebrate. On January 12, 1986, they were riding in Vandross's 1985 convertible Mercedes-Benz on Laurel Canyon Boulevard, in the north section of Hollywood Hills in Los Angeles. Luther was driving at 48 mph in a 35 mph zone when his Mercedes veered across the double yellow center line of the two lane street, turned sideways and collided with the front of a 1972 Mercury Marquis that was headed southbound, then swung around and hit a 1979 Cadillac Seville head on. Vandross and Jimmy were rushed to the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Larry, who was in the passenger seat, was killed during the collision. Vandross suffered three broken ribs, a broken hip, several bruises and facial cuts. Jimmy, who was in the back of the car, had cuts, bruises and contusions. Vandross faced vehicular manslaughter charges as a result of Larry's death, and his driving license was suspended for a year. There was no evidence Vandross was under the influence of alcohol or other drugs; he pleaded no contest to reckless driving. At first, the Salvemini family was supportive of Vandross, but later filed a wrongful death suit against him. The case was settled out of court with a payment to the Salvemini family for about $630,000. Jimmy Salvemini's album, Roll It, was released later that year.

Vandross also sang the ad-libs and background vocals, along with Syreeta Wright and Philip Bailey, in Stevie Wonder's 1985 hit "Part-Time Lover". In 1986, he voiced a cartoon character named Zack for ABC's Zack of All Trades, a three Saturday morning animated PSA spots.

The 1989 compilation album The Best of Luther Vandross... The Best of Love included the ballad "Here and Now", his first single to chart in the Billboard pop chart top ten, peaking at number six.

1990s

In 1990, Vandross wrote, produced and sang background for Whitney Houston in a song entitled "Who Do You Love" which appeared on her I'm Your Baby Tonight album. That year, he guest starred on the television sitcom 227.

More albums followed in the 1990s, beginning with 1991's Power of Love which spawned two top ten pop hits. He won his first Grammy award for Best Male R&B Vocal Performance in 1991. He won his second Best Male R&B Vocal in the Grammy Awards of 1992, and his track "Power of Love/Love Power" won the Grammy Award for Best R&B Song in the same year. In 1992, "The Best Things in Life Are Free", a duet with Janet Jackson from the movie Mo' Money became a hit. In 1993, he had a brief non-speaking role in the Robert Townsend movie The Meteor Man. He played a hit man who plotted to stop Townsend's title character.

Vandross hit the top ten again in 1994, teaming with Mariah Carey on a cover version of Lionel Richie and Diana Ross's duet "Endless Love". It was included on the album Songs, a collection of songs which had inspired Vandross over the years. He also appears on "The Lady Is a Tramp" released on Frank Sinatra's Duets album. At the Grammy Awards of 1997, he won his third Best Male R&B Vocal for the track "Your Secret Love".

A second greatest hits album, released in 1997, compiled most of his 1990s hits and was his final album released through Epic Records. After releasing I Know on Virgin Records, he signed with J Records. His first album on Clive Davis's new label, entitled Luther Vandross, was released in 2001, and it produced the hits "Take You Out" (#7 R&B/#26 Pop), and "I'd Rather" (#17 Adult Contemporary/#40 R&B/#83 Pop). Vandross scored at least one top 10 R&B hit every year from 1981–1994.

In 1997, Vandross sang the American national anthem, "The Star-Spangled Banner", during Super Bowl XXXI at the Louisiana Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana.

2000s

He made two public appearances at Diana Ross's Return to Love Tour: at its opening in Philadelphia at First Union Spectrum and its final stop at Madison Square Garden on July 6, 2000.

In September 2001, Vandross performed a rendition of Michael Jackson's hit song "Man in the Mirror" at Jackson's 30th Anniversary special, alongside Usher and 98 Degrees.

In 2002, he performed his final concerts during his last tour, The BK Got Soul Tour starring Vandross featuring Angie Stone and Gerald Levert.

In the spring of 2003, Vandross's last collaboration was Doc Powell's "What's Going On", a cover of Marvin Gaye from Powell's album 97th and Columbus.

In 2003, Vandross released the album Dance with My Father. It sold 442,000 copies in the first week and debuted at number one on the Billboard 200 album chart. The title track of the same name, which was dedicated to Vandross's childhood memories of dancing with his father, won Vandross and his co-writer, Richard Marx, the 2004 Grammy Award for Song of the Year. The song also won Vandross his fourth and final award in the Best Male R&B Vocal Performance category. The album was his only career No. 1 on the Billboard album chart. The video for the title track features various celebrities alongside their fathers and other family members. The second single released from the album, "Think About You", was the number one Urban Adult Contemporary Song of 2004 according to Radio & Records.

In 2003, after the televised NCAA Men's Basketball championship, CBS Sports gave "One Shining Moment" a new look. Vandross, who had been to only one basketball game in his life, was the new singer, and the video had none of the special effects, like glowing basketballs and star trails, that videos from previous years had. This song version is in use today.

Personal life

Vandross was never married and had no children. His older siblings all predeceased him.

Vandross's sexual orientation was a subject of media speculation. Jason King, writing in Vandross's obituary in The Village Voice, said: "Though he never came out as gay or bisexual, you had to be wearing blinders." According to Gene Davis, a television producer who worked with Vandross, "Everybody in the business knew that Luther was gay". In 2006, Bruce Vilanch, a friend and colleague of Vandross, told Out magazine, "He said to me, 'No one knows I'm in the life.' ... He had very few sexual contacts". According to Vilanch, Vandross experienced his longest romantic relationship with a man while living in Los Angeles during the late 1980s and early 1990s. In December 2017, his friend Patti LaBelle confirmed that Vandross was, in fact, gay.

Illness and death

Vandross suffered from diabetes and hypertension. On April 16, 2003, Vandross suffered a severe stroke at his home in New York City and was in a coma for nearly two months. The stroke affected his ability to speak and sing, and required him to use a wheelchair.

At the 2004 Grammy Awards, Vandross appeared in a pre-taped video segment to accept his Song of the Year Award for "Dance with My Father", saying, "When I say goodbye it's never for long, because I believe in the power of love" (Vandross sang the last six words). His mother, Mary, accepted the award in person on his behalf. His last public appearance was on May 6, 2004, on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Vandross died on July 1, 2005, at the JFK Medical Center in Edison, New Jersey, at the age of 54 of a heart attack.

Vandross's funeral was held at Riverside Church in New York City on July 8, 2005. Cissy Houston, founding member of The Sweet Inspirations and mother of Whitney Houston, sang at the funeral service. Vandross was entombed at the George Washington Memorial Park in Paramus, New Jersey. He was survived by his mother, Mary Ida Vandross, who died in 2008.

Voice

Possessing a tenor vocal range, Vandross was commonly referred to as "The Velvet Voice" in reference to his exceptional vocal talent, and was sometimes called "The Best Voice of a Generation". He was also regarded as the "Pavarotti of Pop" by many critics.

In 2008, Vandross was ranked No. 54 on Rolling Stone magazine's List of 100 Greatest Singers of All Time. Mariah Carey stated several times in interviews that standing next to Vandross while recording their duet "Endless Love" was intimidating.

By popular vote, Vandross was inducted into The SoulMusic Hall of Fame at SoulMusic.com in December 2012.

Tribute

In 1999, Whitney Houston sang Vandross's "So Amazing" as a tribute to Vandross as he sat in the audience during the Soul Train Awards. Johnny Gill, El DeBarge, and Kenny Lattimore provided background vocals. On July 27, 2004, GRP Records released a smooth jazz various artists tribute album, Forever, for Always, for Luther, including ten popular songs written by Vandross. The album featured vocal arrangements by Luther, and was produced by Rex Rideout and Bud Harner. Rideout had co-authored songs, contributed arrangements and played keyboards on Vandross's final three albums. The tribute album was mixed by Ray Bardani, who recorded and mixed most of Luther's music over the years. It featured an ensemble of smooth jazz performers, many of whom had previously worked with Vandross.

On September 20, 2005, the album So Amazing: An All-Star Tribute to Luther Vandross was released. The album is a collection of some of his songs performed by various artists, including Stevie Wonder, Mary J. Blige, Usher, Fantasia, Beyoncé, Donna Summer, Alicia Keys, Elton John, Celine Dion, Wyclef Jean, Babyface, Patti LaBelle, John Legend, Angie Stone, Jamie Foxx, Teddy Pendergrass, and Aretha Franklin. Aretha Franklin won a Grammy for her rendition of "A House Is Not a Home", and Stevie Wonder and Beyoncé won a Grammy for their cover of "So Amazing".

The violin duo Nuttin' But Stringz did a remix of the song "Dance with My Father" for their album Struggle from the Subway to the Charts, which was released on October 3, 2006.On November 21, 2006, saxophonist Dave Koz released a followup to the earlier smooth jazz GRP tribute album, this time on his own Rendezvous Entertainment label, an album called Forever, for Always, for Luther Volume II, also produced by Rex Rideout and Bud Harner. Dave Koz played on all the featured Luther Vandross tracks, which were recorded by various smooth jazz artists.

In 2007, Deniece Williams included "Never Too Much" on her Love, Niecy Style CD. Williams said that she recorded the song to say "I love you" to her old friend. In the music video "Bye Bye" from Mariah Carey Vandross's picture appears in the closing images. His image was included as a tribute along with various other deceased people with whom Carey had collaborated.

In 2008, Keyshia Cole sang the outro to "Luther Vandross" on "Playa Cardz Right", which featured rapper Tupac Shakur from her 2008 album, A Different Me. Guitarist Norman Brown did a rendition of "Any Love" on his 1994 album After The Storm. R&B band 112 sampled Vandross's "Don't You Know That" to make their song "Love Me" on their second album Room 112. Saxophonist Boney James covered his rendition on his final track "The Night I Fell in Love" on Backbone in 1994.

Vandross has been cited as an influence on a number of other artists, including 112, Boyz II Men, D'Angelo, Hootie & the Blowfish, Jaheim, John Legend, Mint Condition, Ne-Yo, Ruben Studdard, and Usher. Stokley Williams, the lead singer of Mint Condition, has said that he has "studied Luther for such a long time because he was the epitome of perfect tone." On his influence, John Legend has said, "All us people making slow jams now, we was inspired by the slow jams Luther Vandross was making."

In 2010, NPR included Vandross in its 50 Greatest Voices in recorded history, saying Vandross represents "the platinum standard for R&B song stylings." The announcement was made on NPR's All Things Considered on November 29, 2010.

Author Craig Seymour wrote a book about Vandross called Luther: The Life and Longing of Luther Vandross. The book includes numerous interviews with Vandross.

New releases

J Records released a song, "Shine"—an upbeat R&B track that samples Chic's disco song "My Forbidden Lover"—which reached No. 31 on the Billboard R&B chart. The song was originally slated to be released on the soundtrack to the movie, The Fighting Temptations, but it was shelved. A later remix of the song peaked at No. 10 on the Club Play chart. "Shine" and a track titled "Got You Home" were previously unreleased songs on The Ultimate Luther Vandross (2006), a greatest hits album on Epic Records/J Records/Legacy Recordings that was released August 22, 2006.

On October 16, 2007, Epic Records/J Records/Legacy Recordings released a 4-disc boxed set titled Love, Luther. It features nearly all of Vandross's R&B and pop hits throughout his career, as well as unreleased live tracks, alternate versions, and outtakes from sessions that Vandross recorded. The set also includes "There's Only You", a version of which had originally appeared on the soundtrack to the 1987 film Made in Heaven.

In October 2015, Sony Music released a re-configured edition of its The Essential Luther Vandross compilation containing three unreleased songs: "Love It, Love It" (which made its premiere a year prior on the UK compilation The Greatest Hits), a live recording of "Bridge Over Troubled Water" with Paul Simon and Jennifer Holliday, and a cover of Astrud Gilberto's "Look to the Rainbow."

Discography

Luther (1976)

This Close to You (1977)

Never Too Much (1981)

Forever, for Always, for Love (1982)

Busy Body (1983)

The Night I Fell in Love (1985)

Give Me the Reason (1986)

Any Love (1988)

Power of Love (1991)

Never Let Me Go (1993)

Songs (1994)

This Is Christmas (1995)

Your Secret Love (1996)

I Know (1998)

Luther Vandross (2001)

Dance with My Father (2003)

Tours

Luther Tour (1981)

Forever For Always For Love Tour (1982–1983)

Busy Body Tour (1984)

The Night I Fell in Love Tour (1985–1986)

Give Me the Reason Tour (1987)

Any Love World Tour (1988–1989)

Best of Love Tour (1990)

The Power of Love Tour (1991)

Never Let Me Go World Tour (1993–1994)

Your Secret Love World Tour (1997)

Take You Out Tour (2001–2002)

BK Got Soul Tour (2002)

Awards

Grammy AwardSoul Train Music AwardsAmerican Music AwardHollywood Walk of Fame

Inducted: Star (Posthumous; June 3, 2014)

See also

List of quiet storm songs

Luther Burger

Craig Seymour

[chiseler]

Hello, Molly

Molly Picon stopped growing when she was a kid and topped out at around four foot eight -- four-eleven standing on her tiptoes, she liked to say. The biggest thing about her was her impish Betty Boop eyes. But she packed a lot of energy and spirit into that miniature package. She could and would do anything to amuse an audience -- sing, dance, do a somersault, climb a rope, crack jokes, wear blackface or boy's knickers. She played gamins, waifs, soubrettes well into her matronly years. The one thing she wouldn't and maybe couldn't do was to hide or even just tone down her essential Jewishness to appeal to the goys in the mainstream audience. It sets her apart from many other Jewish entertainers of her day. Whether she was performing in Yiddish or English, on Second Avenue or in Hollywood, there was never any question that Molly Picon was Jewish. Very Jewish.

She was born Malka Pyekoon on the Lower East Side in 1898, in a fourth-floor back bedroom of a tenement on Broome Street near Bowery. Her mother was a seamstress who'd escaped the pogroms near Kiev as one of a dozen children. Her father was an educated man from Warsaw who was never happy doing an immigrant's menial labor in America, so he did as little as he could. He also turned out to have a previous wife back in Poland he'd never legally divorced. He drifted in and mostly out of Molly and her sister Helen's lives. Decades later, when Molly became well-off and world famous, he'd drift back into hers, to borrow money.

Their mother and grandmother picked up and moved the girls to Philadelphia, where Mom became a seamstress at a Yiddish theater and took in boarders. Later she'd run a small grocery store. The story of how Molly got her start in show business -- like many of the tales in her charming and irrepressibly schmaltzy memoir Molly! -- is too good not to be true. When Molly was five her mother, who made all her daughters' clothes out of odds and ends, stitched her up a fine outfit and took her on a trolley headed for amateur night at a burlesque theater, the Bijou. On the trolley a drunk challenged the little girl to show him her act. She sang and danced in the aisle. Charmed, he passed the hat and collected two dollars. At the Bijou the audience tossed pennies on the stage while she performed. She also won the first prize, a five dollar gold piece. Her grandmother was astonished at the ten dollars she'd earned -- roughly a week's wages for an adult worker. When her mother said she was going to start taking her around to all the amateur contests, her grandmother said forget the theaters, there weren't enough in Philadelphia -- just keep taking her on the trolley.

Boris Thomashefsky's brother Mike ran Philadelphia's Columbia Theatre. He soon put Molly and Helen in a Yiddish production of Uncle Tom's Cabin, Helen as Little Eva, Molly in blackface as Topsy. Molly, billed as Baby Margaret, continued to act through her childhood. She dropped out of high school in 1915 to tour small-time vaudeville in a female quartet, the Four Seasons. In Boston in 1918 she visited a Yiddish theater group who performed one night a week at the Grand Opera House, a large but no longer grand theater in the South End that staged wrestling and boxing the rest of the week. One of the young actors she met there was Muni Weisenfreund; ten years later he'd go to Hollywood and become Paul Muni.

Jacob Kalich, who ran the theater company, came (like Weisenfreund) from Galicia, a province on the Austro-Hungarian empire. He'd studied to be a rabbi but then fell in with traveling Yiddish theater troupes. He'd slipped into America without a passport and speaking no English in 1914. Kalich hired Molly away from the Seasons, they fell in love and were married the next year in the back room of her mother's grocery store. According to Molly's memoir, her mother stitched her wedding gown from a stage curtain.

Yonkel, as Molly called Kalich, wrote parts and whole plays specifically for his new wife. One was Yonkele, an operetta in which she wore boy's clothes and sang, danced and did her somersaults as a kind of Yiddish Dennis the Menace. Kalich was unsuccessful in trying to get one of the Yiddish theaters on Second Avenue interested. On the Lower East Side as in American theater generally, leading ladies tended to be stately Lillian Russell grandes dames, not petite gamins in knickers.

After a child was stillborn in 1920 Kalich distracted Molly with a new project. They sailed for Europe. His plan was to make her a star (and improve her Yiddish) in the theaters there, then return in triumph. They started in Paris, where Yonkele was a hit, then toured it around Europe for two years. In her memoir she says they did three thousand performances, almost surely an exaggeration, but they did keep busy, and her star kept growing. She made her first Yiddish-themed silent films in Vienna starting in 1921, playing a sassy soubrette or a boy. When they were in Bucharest hundreds of university students shouting anti-Semitic slurs rioted in and outside of a theater where she was performing. They may have been put up to it by the Romanian National Theatre, which was losing business to Picon. It was time to come home.

Jews around Europe had been writing their American relations about the wonderful new star. Kalich's plan had worked. By 1922 the Second Avenue Theatre near Second Street was happy to host Yonkele and anything else Kalich put together, as long as it had Picon in it -- Gypsy Girl, The Circus Girl, Schmendrick, Oy is dus a Madel (Oh, What a Girl!). Picon played to houses packed not just with Yiddish-speaking Lower East Siders but with celebrities like Greta Garbo, Mayor Jimmy Walker, Albert Einstein and D. W. Griffith. Griffith was on the downside of a long career by then and tried, without success, to raise money for a film starring Picon. Flo Ziegfeld and his wife Billie Burke (the good witch in Wizard of Oz) came over from Broadway to see Molly perform. Afterward, Yonkel and Molly took them to a Jewish restaurant, where the waiter covered the table with plates of pickles, sauerkraut, fried steak, radishes slathered in schmaltz. The very goy Burke asked the waiter if she might have some vegetables. What, he snorted, pickles and sauerkraut aren't vegetables?

Picon was such a star that Kalich got the idea of renaming the theater the Molly Picon Theatre. When their packed performance schedule there permitted, they toured Yiddish theaters around the country. Later, Jews who had fled Eastern Europe for South America organized a tour for her there. She would also tour South Africa.

She returned to vaudeville in a big way, headlining at the Palace in Times Square with Sophie Tucker. Picon sang half her songs in English, Tucker sang half of hers in Yiddish, and they triumphed. When Picon played the Palace in Chicago, Al Capone (who had started out on the Lower East Side himself) bought out the first three rows. After the show he took Picon and Kalich out to dinner. At his request she sang "The Rabbi's Melody" (a big hit on Second Avenue) and, she claims, he "cried like a baby." For the rest of her career she introduced it as "the song that made Al Capone cry."

The crash of 1929 ruined Picon and Kalich along with everybody else. They scrambled to get back on their feet. They took over the grand Yiddish Art Theatre on Second Avenue and renamed it Molly Picon's Folks Theatre. In 1936 she and Yonkel sailed back to Europe to film a Yiddish musical in Poland, Yidl mitn Fidl (Yidl with a Fiddle). She plays a penniless girl who disguises herself as a boy to join a band of traveling musicians. Location shooting took place in Kazimierz, the once grand, now bedraggled Jewish zone in Krakow. They recruited the whole neighborhood as extras for a big wedding scene that took days to shoot. Few if any of the locals, deeply Orthodox and very poor, had ever seen a movie. They marveled at the food that kept appearing as scenes of the wedding feast were shot and reshot.

Yidl was a hit with Yiddish audiences worldwide. It inspired one of Hollywood's great eccentrics, director Edgar G. Ulmer, to shoot a couple of his own Yiddish films in America. Ulmer, another Jewish immigrant from the Austro-Hungarian empire, had started his career in Hollywood directing the 1934 Karloff-Lugosi vehicle The Black Cat for Carl Laemmle's Universal Pictures. On the set he met and stole the wife of one of Laemmle's nephews, for which the mogul reputedly banished him from Hollywood. Ulmer drifted to New York. When he saw Yidl drawing big crowds on Second Avenue he started a small Yiddish production company, Collective Film Producers, and filmed Grine Felder (Green Fields), recreating the shtetl in a field in New Jersey on a shoestring budget. Ulmer spoke no Yiddish himself, so he hired the Second Avenue star Jacob Ben-Ami as co-director and go-between with the cast of Second Avenue actors. The movie went on to be one of the most praised in the history of Yiddish film. (Ulmer later went back to Hollywood and a now-celebrated career as a Poverty Row maker of lowest-budget B's, ranging from brilliantly idiosyncratic noir like Detour to zero-budget sci-fi like Beyond the Time Barrier.)

As the 1930s drew to a close, Picon and Kalich saw that they were playing to the same dwindling and aging audiences over and over. Yiddish was dying out among the American-born children of immigrants, taking Yiddish theater with it. Although they would continue to work on Second Avenue through the 1950s, Picon still playing Yonkele in her fifties, it was clear they needed to work harder to crack the mainstream.

In 1940 she took her first serious roll on Broadway in Morningstar, a short-lived and soon-forgotten drama notable mostly for her spot in it and that of a thirteen-year-old actor named Sidney Lumet. In 1942 she returned to Broadway with a big gamble, her and Yonkel's musical Oy Is Dus a Leben! (Oh Is This a Life!), the first Yiddish play on Broadway. It was a vanity piece about Molly's life and their marriage, and they played themselves on stage. The Al Jolson Theatre -- where Jolson had taken thirty-seven curtain calls on the opening night of the revue Bombo in 1921 -- was renamed the Molly Picon Theatre for the occasion. The Times' Brooks Atkinson (who later got a theater named for him, too) caught the opening night, when the house was packed solid with fans and Molly pulled out all the stops. They adored her; Atkinson, who was as goyish as Molly was Jewish, thought she overplayed and mugged for them too much, coming off "gauche and coy." Atkinson was the most powerful theater critic in New York at the time, and his reviews made or broke plays. But his tepid response to Oy Is Dus a Leben! couldn't overpower Picon's appeal with Jewish audiences. The show ran for a respectable seventeen weeks, and she claims it only ended when the producers, feeling that they'd shown it to every Jew in New York by then, decided to quit while they were ahead.

During World War Two Picon did many USO concerts, played every military base she could get to, joined in many all-star benefits for refugees. She stands out in a very brief and uncredited scene in The Naked City, the 1948 cop movie inspired by Weegee's book. She runs a soda fountain at the corner of Norfolk and Rivington Streets. "Got any cold root beer?" a detective asks her. "Like ice!" she replies, then goes into a bit of endearing Yiddishe mamele schtick. After that, while she remained very busy on stage and did some tv, there was nothing much from Hollywood until 1963, when she played Frank Sinatra's mom in the screen version of Neil Simon's Come Blow Your Horn. When Frank had signed on they changed Simon's Jewish family to Italian to accommodate him. Then they hired Picon and changed it back to Jewish. This turned into a problem for Lee J. Cobb, who played the father despite being just four years older than Frank; they gave Cobb old man make-up to age him and put a wig on Frank to make him look younger. Cobb was Jewish, born Leo Jacob in the Bronx, but he hadn't played Jewish in years. He had to relearn it. It's not a good movie but it was a box office success and Picon earned an Oscar nomination for her performance.

In 1961 she was in another hit on Broadway, Milk and Honey, a Jerry Herman (Hello, Dolly!) musical comedy about a busload of Jewish widows from America trying to find new husbands in Israel. She was in her early sixties, but still managed to work a somersault into the part. When she left the show to go film Come Blow Your Horn, Hermione Gingold replaced her.

Then Fiddler on the Roof opened on Broadway in 1964. It was a record-setting hit that ran until July 1972. Picon was not in it. The role of Yente the matchmaker went to Bea Arthur. But when Norman Jewison -- not himself Jewish, despite the name -- put together the cast for the 1971 film adaptation, he studied Yidl mitn Fidl for background and hired Picon for Yente. Inarguably the schmaltziest Hollywood film ever made about Jews, it was the perfect setting for her and remains the role she's most known for today.

After Yonkel died in 1975 she gradually withdrew from the public eye, puttering around in their home up the Hudson, which they'd named Chez Schmendrick. She wrote her memoir, did a little more tv (Grandma Mona on The Facts of Life) and a couple more movies (Mrs. Goldfarb in The Cannonball Run and Cannonball Run II), and in 1979 toured a one-woman show, Hello, Molly! But her own health was deteriorating. She lived her last decade quietly and was ninety-three when she died in 1992.

by John Strausbaugh

[tomhiddleslove]

Who knew Loki and Daredevil are the biggest theater geeks in town?

Tom Hiddleston (Loki) and Charlie Cox (Daredevil) are starring in the spare — but scorching — revival of Harold Pinter’s “Betrayal” on Broadway. Over lunch at the Whitby Hotel, they talk about theater and acting in a way that would put theater critics to shame.

Hiddleston was 14 when he saw Paul Scofield in Henrik Ibsen’s “John Gabriel Borkman” at the National Theatre. He didn’t know who Scofield or Ibsen were, but he was entranced.

“The lights went down, and this towering play about a family breaking apart began,” Hiddleston tells me. “And I remember when Paul Scofield’s very noble and majestic face opened up with a vulnerability, and I was suddenly crying. And I looked around and everybody else was crying. And it was like a light going on: This is what theater is about. We’re all strangers, and yet we’re moved by the same thing.”

Cox remembers being at a school that did only musicals. He was in the chorus, he says, but “my singing voice was so bad, they asked me to mime.”

Then he saw Mark Rylance in “Jerusalem” and knew he wanted to have a career in the theater.

“I saw it four times,” Cox says. “There is something he does on stage and in film with an emotion that you connect with, and then he turns it a little more, and it becomes profound. I have an audio of him doing a speech from ‘Measure for Measure’ and the audience is laughing all the way through, and on the last line, he turns it with his voice, and it goes from being incredibly humorous to profoundly sad.”

“Betrayal” marks the first time Hiddleston and Cox have performed together. They met in Los Angeles when they were auditioning for jobs they didn’t get. It’s that bond that gives them the chemistry they share onstage in “Betrayal,” about two friends whose relationship is torn apart when one has an affair with the other’s wife (played here by Zawe Ashton). The sexual electricity is so palpable among the three that a woman reportedly had an orgasm in the theater.

I doubt Scofield, who died in 2008, brought anyone to orgasm in “John Gabriel Borkman,” but he’d appreciate the reaction. It means the performances are true.

Pinter, who died the same year as Scofield, would have loved it. He was ornery, mischievous and gossipy, and would have delighted in the Page Six coverage.

Cox, 36, met Pinter. Thirteen years ago, he was cast in a West End production of the playwright’s “The Lover & The Collection,” directed by Jamie Lloyd, who staged this revival of “Betrayal.” Cox had never read a Pinter play before, and when he read this one, he thought, “Some of the dialogue is clever and funny, but nothing really happens.”

Then he started rehearsals, “and I realized just how much was really going on.”

Cox has a vivid memory of Pinter watching the first run-through: “He was sitting there, and he had his walking stick, and he fell asleep. And I thought, ‘Oh, my God. He’s fallen asleep. This is awful.’ And then he looked up. He hadn’t fallen asleep. He was listening. He was listening to his play.”

The first time Hiddleston heard of Pinter was when he was in college and assigned “The Homecoming,” an early play brimming with sexual tension. “It was spare and it was minimalist, and it was quite hard to interpret,” says Hiddleston, 38. Then he did a scene in class from “The Dumb Waiter,” a play about two not very bright hit men, and all his friends laughed. “Most of them had never heard of Harold Pinter, but they got it,” Hiddleston says. “The menace, the humor, the short interchanges that are as funny as they are profound. They got the absurdity of life that’s in the play.”

Having done “Betrayal” to acclaim in London and, now, New York, Hiddleston and Cox deserve credit for keeping Pinter in the spotlight. You can see a “No Man’s Land” in their future, once they’ve aged into the parts originally played by John Gielgud and Ralph Richardson.

In the meantime, they’re still struggling to master Pinter’s precision. They have a scene in “Betrayal” that takes place in a restaurant where, over prosciutto and melon, the friends spar, one knowing the other has slept with his wife. Everything, especially the famous Pinter pauses, must hit the mark.

“You have to know exactly what size the piece of melon you’re cutting is going to be,” says Cox. “If it’s too big, you can’t get the line right. And if the melon is too ripe, you slurp.”

Says Hiddleston: “I played Coriolanus, and I was suspended by my ankles and had my throat slit. But in ‘Betrayal,’ I’m more nervous by that slice of melon. If it goes down the wrong way, everything is off. It is death by melon.”

[jgroffdaily]

Jonathan Groff decides we should take advantage of what might be New York’s last suitable night for al fresco dining in 2019. He sits down at one of a dozen empty tables outside the otherwise packed Hell’s Kitchen bistro and announces, in a tone suggesting more mischief than regret, that he must first make a call.

"Hello," he says, iPhone now at his ear. "Joel Grey?"

Groff is starring in a limited revival of Little Shop of Horrors, and it is a very hot ticket. The Broadway legend on the other end of the line has apparently thrown a Hail Mary in hopes of scoring seats to the night’s sold-out performance. Hamming up this exchange for my amusement, Groff is game to play broker for the Tony and Oscar winner who originated the role of Cabaret’s tuxedoed emcee — and, maybe, anybody else who has his number.

"This is basically my part-time job," says Groff of fielding requests, jotting down credit card information and negotiating pickup times and locations for friends both famous and civilian. "It was the same thing when I was doing Hamilton," he adds of his year playing King George III in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s hip-hop history lesson. "But I was really only onstage for nine minutes during that show, so the tickets were probably full-time."

The 34-year-old actor seems eager to please, not unlike current alter ego Seymour. Little Shop’s nebbish, sweet and ultimately doomed florist nurtures a manipulative plant even as the pet’s homicidal tendencies grow more and more apparent. Those familiar with the campy musical comedy know that it suffers no shortage of blood, but it’s a nursery rhyme compared with Groff’s recent work on truecrime thriller Mindhunter. Playing a curious FBI agent in David Fincher’s Netflix series has perhaps done more for his ascendant profile than anything yet. But two seasons on the drama have meant two nine-month stints in Pittsburgh, filming interrogation scenes with character actors who bear uncanny resemblances to famous serial killers.

So even on a two-show day like this late- October Saturday, the rigors of theater are easy work for Groff. Over a couple of hot toddies, in between humoring three smitten waiters at the restaurant at which he’s been a regular since Little Shop went into previews down the block, the actor appears to be in his element. "Theater is such a communal, familial medium and interactive experience," notes Groff, who says he recognizes faces in the crowd during most performances. "Mindhunter, for me at least, is a very private experience."

Groff plays against type on Mindhunter. Wide-eyed with an almost perpetual grin, his is a mug you wouldn’t be surprised to find in an illustrated Merriam-Webster — cozied up to the entry for "baby face." Much of his previous acting career leaned into this, starting with his breakout. The Pennsylvania native came to New York at 19 and landed the lead in the musical Spring Awakening by the time he was 21. "I was just auditioning for the ensemble of Broadway shows," says Groff. "I hadn’t really developed the taste to appreciate something like Spring Awakening until I was in it."

New York’s "It" Broadway show of the aughts, the rock opera about sexual discovery among 19th century German teenagers earned Groff his first Tony nomination. He spent two years in the production before leaving in 2008, at the same time as friend and co-star Lea Michele, to pursue film and television. The work that immediately followed — Ang Lee’s Taking Woodstock, a recurring spin on Michele’s Fox hit Glee, a supporting role in the second season of Kelsey Grammer’s cult drama Boss, voicework in Disney $1.3 billion smash Frozen (he’ll reprise his role as Kristoff in Frozen 2, out Nov. 22) — got him on the radar for vehicles of his own. When HBO began casting Looking, its 2014 dramedy about a group of gay friends navigating an evolving San Francisco, Groff was soon tapped to front the series.

"He will search for the best version of every scene and will work until everyone drops," says Looking executive producer Andrew Haigh, who cast him as Patrick — boy-nextdoor- ish, like the actor, but privileged and problematically fickle. "He is also wholly unafraid to be vulnerable onscreen."

Looking lasted for only two seasons and a wrap-up movie, and its premature demise allowed Groff to do Hamilton, which he joined while the show was off-Broadway in early 2015, and then made the jump to Broadway. His supporting part as the aforementioned royal — with interstitial lamentations for the seceding Colonies, sung like a lovelorn (and supremely pissed) Davy Jones — earned Groff his second Tony nomination. But Groff wasn’t long for Hamilton, either. He was circling his next TV project, a moody prestige procedural about the early days of the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit, based on the 1995 memoir Mindhunter by criminal profiler John E. Douglas.

"I’m not naturally a true-crime person. So reading the book, I was like … 'oh, fuck,' "says Groff of John E. Douglas’ memoir 'Mindhunter.'

Mindhunter, the book and the series, delves into the morbid minutiae of notorious murder cases with an emphasis on interviews between law enforcement and criminals in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Groff was in contention for the role of FBI agent Holden Ford, based loosely on Douglas. First, he had to prove to director and executive producer Fincher — a filmmaker long admired by Groff, who says he has "a boner for his brain" — that a jovial Broadway star most widely known for singing with a reindeer in a Disney cartoon could have the upper hand with serial killers.

It was not Groff’s first audition for Fincher. Seven years earlier, he was in the running to play Napster co-founder Sean Parker in The Social Network. "My agents said, 'You have an audition in L.A. with David and Aaron Sorkin,' " Groff recalls. "If you get it, you start rehearsal the next day, so pack your suitcase for two months. They really like your tape, but they’re also considering Justin Timberlake." The part went to Timberlake.

"I did not feel then — and still don’t — that he had the inherent venality for that role," Fincher says of Groff. "He is as decent and sensitive as anyone I’ve ever met."

If venality is off the table for Groff, darkness is not. And though casting the song-anddance man was a source of curiosity for some in Hollywood before Mindhunter’s 2017 debut, the finished product didn’t elicit any skepticism from critics. Over the first season, Groff’s character goes from eager, milkdrinking company boy to a shell of the man introduced in the first episode. He alarms colleagues with the way he mirrors serial killers, until he has a panic attack after getting a bear hug from a necrophile. The second run, equally well reviewed after its August debut, saw a somewhat recovered Holden sit down with Charles Manson and, for the dramatic fulcrum of the season, investigate the Atlanta child murders of 1979-81.

"It is so impossibly bleak that I don’t think about it while I’m doing it," says Groff, who confesses he finds watching the show more affecting than making it. "All due respect to people who feel like the character is inside of them or whatever, but I don’t have that. I would leave set, listen to Beyoncé, and that was it."

After an hour and a half in his company, Groff reveals himself as a Lucille Ball historian, an avid bike rider, a devout New Yorker and someone who doesn’t seem easily bummed out — except when the conversation turns to success. His excitement over landing Mindhunter, he says, was immediately diluted by a pang of sadness. "Whenever something really great happens, it makes me feel a little bit depressed," he says. "It’s like, this is never going to get better than this moment right now. I’m sitting in David Fincher’s office and he’s giving me this role."

Talk of a third season of Mindhunter is on hold while Fincher focuses on his next feature. But the director did take a recent break from Mank, a biopic on Citizen Kane screenwriter Herman Mankiewicz, to attend Groff’s first Little Shop matinee with wife and fellow Mindhunter executive producer Céan Chaffin. It was a surprise appearance, but only because Groff hadn’t been checking his text messages. "I’m not good at my phone," he admits.

Groff has not looked at his phone since that one call — which, while polite, now has him in danger of running late for curtain. He breaks the bad news of his immediate departure to one particularly adoring waiter, and we walk to the stand where his bike is locked. There, he pulls from his bag a cobalt helmet that could double as Tron cosplay. Bars of blinding LED lights on both its front and back, his headgear tells cabs to get the hell out of the way and signals to everybody else that this is a man who values safety over subtlety.

"Yeah, I do really love riding my bike in the city … I’m just not that hard-core," Groff says of the helmet before encasing his tousle of sandy chestnut hair for the one-block ride to the theater and an expectant Joel Grey. "My mom bought this for me."