#one might even call it a bad time
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Well, chapter 37 murdered me
Art time!
Messing around without lineart too, fun times
#I was so distracted by broomie and the error hug that dream completely blindsided me#caught me waaaaaay off guard#it was not a good time#one might even call it a bad time#lmao#ftfo#for the forgotten ones#ftfo dream#ftfo fanart#ignited!dream#dream sans#utmv#undertale au#my art
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Curly had two days to act and Swansea had two months.
I think itās just interesting that every defense of Swansea not immediately acting are the same ones that are argued against for Curly. āHe didnāt want to alert Daisuke or makes things worse for Anya either Jimmy!ā I mean people also assume that about Curly and the crew. āHe has to think about his plan of action and a right moment!ā Again so did Curly, power and authority aside, he still would have to think of what he had to do. āHe makes sure he doesnāt have to be around Jimmy!ā So did Curly and they only do this to an extent, both give Jimmy more than a few opening to keep harassing Anya.
This isnāt defense of Curly nor a damnation of Swansea. Their actions are very parallel to each others in tragic and sour ways when it comes to how they approached helping Anya. In the grand scheme of it all they both did the same thing: Nothing. No action either took stopped the inevitable outcome of her death nor Jimmyās continued damage to themself.
The only real difference is Swansea didnāt like Jimmy which is pretty substantial, but also just as damning as Curly knowing how bad Jimmy could get to an extent. He had even less of a reason to wait, even more of a reason to act seeing as he was now worried for Anya AND Daisuke. He is not bound by the possible procedure as Captain and actively does not care about what happens next. So what does it matter if he acted in the moment? Why did he wait? I think heās just as morally complex and grey as Curly and we hold him on a pedestal that still perpetuates things in rape culture the game critiques.
Itās not just enough to dislike and be abrasive to predators/abusers like Jimmy. Itās not enough to just put yourself between them and the other person. Itās not enough to hold tensions when you know someone is vulnerable. He and Curly do the exact same things but on different sides of the coin. I ask how is it better to not turn a blind eye but still not really do anything about what you are seeing? Not until it affects you atleastā¦
The game makes a big point to not put men doing the bare minimum or who wait to do more on pedestals and Iām actually surprised so many are missing that point.
#like Iļæ½ļæ½ļæ½m sorry two months? he couldnāt have explained it at all to Daisuke?#heās no better than Curly and itās likely Anya found comfort in the fact that Jimmy would at least avoid being around Swansea#tho everything he went off to drink or passed out she would be acutely reminded that things are still taking precedent in his head#she is not his top concern nor is seeking justice for her like he is admittedly more concerned about Daisuke he doesnāt mention her#outside of the fact that they were def talking about what Jimmy did and likely the fact he mightāve crashed the ship but pls donāt mistake#his final acts as being majority for Anya. the game keeps showing how these men keep prioritizing things over her even when they say they#wonāt and itās sad itās so sad that we keep trying to say but what about him like they all do it#itās not intentional but thatās whatās also bad about it like I doubt she made a suicide plan with him two months in advance#these characters are acting to get out of this and she knows her ending is not happy if she leaves or not sheās taking that choice to do it#and hell Swansea might not have known by the way he speaks to Daisuke and Jimmy that that was her plan to khs#likely either to just keep her and Curly locked in med bay until they got rescued or died#but itās all speculation and thinking and I can only implore people to think why are you giving Swansea more credit?#cause I see him bittersweetly so used to the negatives he cares not for futile efforts#two months vs two days and each time nothing was really done for her other than prolonging her suffering around Jimmy#Swansea slept outside utility was drunk most of the time and itās clear Jimmy was able to have access to Anya whenever#I mean look at the teaser where they sit at the table he is far from her with Daisuke#like itās just frustration at this point thinking any guy on that ship was doing good by Anya specifically and not for their own reasons#like at least Curly was direct on the issue he still did mostly Jack shit but Swansea doesnāt even let Jimmy know he knows#and thatās another issue in rape culture of men avoiding calling other men what they are even if they hate them like#the game plays with the idea of knowing vs acknowledging and neither truly acknowledge it as a part of their actions#against Jimmy and god no one did better than Anya for Anya. they just werenāt heinous like Jimmy#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#swansea mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#nurse anya#itās not all men but all men can and do play a part especially in the extreme scenario mouthwashing deposits
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I'm not ready to shut up about Aveline and Carver--so, when you go see Aveline in Act 1, you can catch up with her a little bit and that's where this conversation can happen:
Aveline: "It's just one more change, though. The real end for me was Ostagar. What about you, Carver? You were there. Do you feel something similar?" Carver: No. Aveline: All right, then. Bit of a tit, your brother.
I wanted to see what she would say if Carver isn't in the party. Instead, she says this:
Aveline: Carver was there. I imagine he feels something similar. If he allows it.
......well, at least she didn't call him a tit?
#dragon age 2#da2#carver hawke#aveline vallen#she's slightly nicer to him when he's not there but she's still like 'maybe he feels something similar but probably pretends not to'#like i'm not gonna pretend that carver doesn't bottle any feelings--he doesn't openly talk about bethany a lot for a reason#but to suggest he pretends to be unfeeling about things like ostagar is incorrect like he CLEARLY feels a lot about it#because he associates the battle at ostagar with losing his home and sister to the darkspawn#after playing as a warrior hawke who is best friends with aveline i do have a little more insight into why she might think this about carve#when hawke is a warrior they were at ostagar. they share that traumatic experience with aveline and if they're friends#they discuss it in a way that i think aveline *wants* y'know? but with carver he doesn't respond the way she wants him to#so she gets frustrated since even if she tried to talk to hawke about it... hawke wasn't there. hawke doesnt KNOW what ostagar#was like but carver does... but it's like aveline is ready to assume the worst of carver a lot of the time?#like 'carver doesn't talk about it because he's a tit who pretends not to feel' is the vibe i get from this but aveline...#that's like calling you a tit because you don't want to openly discuss all your feelings about your dead husband#listen aveline and carver are so similar but they have such key differences like they both survived the horror of ostagar#and lost a loved one to darkspawn while fleeing lothering AND they both blame hawke for it to a degree#even though they both know that's not right and that it wasn't really hawke's fault#they're both stubborn warriors with daddy issues looking to find their place#and when it comes to flirting? well i don't think carver's as bad as aveline#but i played MotA i know all about 'you could tame its wild heart'#but the key differences come in how they the end the game y'know? especially if carver's on the friendship path as a warden#i still haven't made him a templar but something tells me he ends up more on the same road as aveline#vs when he's a grey warden and able to be away from kirkwall and find a place on his own#y'all i could write a whole essay on aveline and carver but i paused my game to write this so i should go back to that sksksk
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please see my vision
bonus: Heathcliff smile collection
#limbus company#heathcliff#dante#my art#i shouldve made Don speak more donlike but I just had to get this out there#I saw a post on twitter that talked about how like#maybe the reason why heathcliffs temper is so bad is because everything he hears goes through like#the filter of his inferiority complex#even if someone said smth nice to him he might get defensive about it#coughing bc I feel like dante is equally likely to be nice to him or to just keep teasing him back#yaoi ā¦#what you donāt see in this comic is Dante probably thought for a long time about heathcliffs good points#how hes strong and smarter than he looks and how shockingly often he stands up for them#his strong sense of justiceā¦#but they probably thought itād be best not to say something like that.#one of dantes other things is theyre surprisinglyā¦ frivolous? in some ways. idk how to say it#like when they get called inhuman they basically just shrug it off#I feel like thinking deeply about heathcliffs strong points and then ultimately choosing to say something surface level is very dante.#and of course heathcliff thinks theyāre fucking around.#sorry I put a lot of thought into the characterisation in this joke comic UAOHSOSI I need these two to have deeper interactions fr#yea. i dont self insert as dante im genuinely haunted by visions for this ship and idek why#they probably picked smth silly partially out of being hesitant to genuinely say something partially out of genuinely liking his smile#(it IS very cute. when you get to see it its like woah#heathcliff I didnāt know you could smile so brightlyā¦)#and partially out of wanting to see how heād react to (totally not flirting) being complimented on his appearance#opening up Danteās brain to analyse their character I like them a normal amount#andā¦ I really want there to be a moment between them where Dante genuinely speaks encouragingly to heathcliff#the same way they do to sinclair#I think heathcliff needs that too#andā¦ itād be cute to see him a little flustered.
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Something I find really funny is how for all the rumors that Seedās staff/writers donāt like Cagalli, Orb under her leadership just keeps ending up in a better (political) position with each addition - Seed Destiny ends with Logos wiped out, Blue Cosmos severely hampered, and the entire Seiran family wiped out, including Yuna. This leaves Cagalli with almost no political opposition in Orb (since the second Battle of Orb wouldāve flushed out a majority of the Blue Cosmos/Logos sympathizers within the government/military), along with giving her a boost in popular and military support thanks to her actions and field leadership during the battle.
(Cutting for me just rambling on a bit about the in-universe politics after Seed Freedom)
You can tell with how much sheās managed to get done in the years between Seed Destiny and Seed Freedom - in that short year and a half to two years, she was able to propose and found COMPASS, secret away and upgrade the Impulse, Destiny, Strike Freedom, and Infinite Justice, arrange for ties between Orb and Terminal to investigate/exchange intel (Athrun and Meyrin), and put into place all the evacuation/defensive protocols in case of another attack on Orb (as seen vs Foundation and Requiem, even if she needed Kira to pull an āI lived, bitchā to Aura š
).
And it doesnāt end there - thanks to Foundation, Cagalli arguably has an easier time internationally now, because the Eurasian Federation leadership also got hit and the Eurasian Federation, while not necessarily Blue Cosmos sympathizers like the Atlantic Federation, was very staunchly anti-PLANT, which I think wouldāve caused some problems for Cagalli, especially post Seed Destiny with Lacus joining her for that broadcast.
I actually think Orb probably has fairly decent diplomatic relations with PLANT (I think Chairman Lament mostly cut off that call after everything went south in Eldore because of the whole nuke situation), especially since Lacus is COMPASSās inaugural president, plus the time both Dearka and Waltfeld (Iām not sure if heās in Orb or PLANT as of Seed Freedom since his silent cameo has him helping to stop the coup in PLANT in Seed Freedom) spent there. And we have a very prominent all-Coordinator team with the Yamato Team - truth be told I actually wonder how much the Earth Alliance invested into COMPASS because everything we see on screen is either contributed by Orb (Archangel, Murrue and crew, Kira, Mu, and the Murasame Kais), PLANT/ZAFT (Millenium, Konoe and crew, Heinlein, Shinn, Lunamaria, Agnes, Gelgoog, and Gyan), or arguably both (namely, Rising Freedom and Immortal Justice). Unless I missed a minor crew member along the way. Which is possible.
Also pure speculation on my part on this - but the fact Seed Freedom has Athrun going into intelligence with Terminal (which we first see as having a presence in the PLANTS) from the Orb side and Yzak and Dearka going into intelligence from the PLANT side canāt be a coincidence. I want to think the three of them decided on it together because being in intelligence/covert ops gives them the chance to work together without having to force anyone to change their current loyalties - I donāt think Athrun can be truly loyal to anyone except Cagalli after Seed Destiny, and Yzak was always loyal to PLANT, and if Dearka hadnāt been captured and made to realize how extreme PLANT had become under Patrick Zala he wouldnāt have switched sides to Orb/Three Ships Alliance during Seed either. Which also indirectly feeds into Orb and PLANT having better political relations than Orb and Earth Alliance.
Which brings me to my final point - I would be very surprised if Orb isnāt the primary target for the antagonists in a Seed Freedom sequel. At this point Orbās capable of doing too much with the limited resources it has as a small nation with too much military strength at its command. And there is room for a sequel (setting-wise) because while Earth Alliance took another major hit with during the Foundation Conflict, the ideologies that led to the First and Second Earth Alliance-PLANT wars still exist - even if Blue Cosmos lost another leader, even if the believers of Coordinator Supremacy lost another leader (in Jagannath) those ideologies still fundamentally exist. All the Foundation Conflict did was serve to take down the military leadership of those ideologies - even if the public on both sides see those views negatively it doesnāt make them go away.
#gundam seed#cagalli yula athha#I like taking the political landscape of Cosmic Era into account when I write#itās just so funny to me bc Orb and Cagalli just keeps getting more badass every time#like Orb has 2 One Man Armies at its beck and call as it is#Kira and Athrun if need be can and will just take out swathes of an invasion force#especially if thereās no opposing prototype unit#and thatās assuming Shinn doesnāt try to help#and Mu is like ā¦ half one since heād go in the Akatsuki#and Akatsuki is battery powered#I do think AsuCaga going public would cause a shift in power balance#even post Seed Freedom bc Earth Alliance still has some power in its own right#and bc most people will associate Athrun with PLANT before Orb due to his name#it might be less bad if itās after Cagalli steps down as Chief Representative#but I think she would still have some degree of political pull unofficially after#and I think Athrun would have more time to put some distance between himself and his fatherās legacy#I think him going into Terminal is a smart choice bc it also lets him do what he wants while staying out of the spotlight#Iāll stop talking in the tags now#just know I find it all fascinating as a backdrop for AsuCaga fic writing purposes
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at what point is an intro post necessary?
OH WELL HERE IT IS!
my name on here is skate, im a minor, im a girl, i use she/her pronouns and i have no idea what im doing!!
im in highschool so im a busy girl and i will complain about school
some fun facts about me are: i play 6 instruments and sing, i like reading, my favourite season is winter, i speak a fair amount of french and italian and i can crochet.
im also mentally ill so just prepare yourself for that!
most of my posts are about osemanverse but i love taylor swift and will not shut up about her. i am in a pitch perfect and dead poets society phase at the moment so expect some of that too and mostly i post whatever else pops into my head at the time.
my asks are open and i love answering literally anything and if you ask a question ill probably fall in love with you or smth
my tags are 'skate has words' for my writing 'skate answers' for answering asks and 'skate rants!' for rants obviouslyyyy
also my messages are open and, yes, i am extremely awkward, i would LOVE to be friends !! i need to add that i am very unwell sometimes for long periods of time and will sometimes just not respond to messages. i am sorry but ill get there eventually.
im very infrequent on here and will sometimes forget tumblr exists for weeks so im never ignoring you im just stupid and i have memory issues
if youre gonna be mean to pretty much anyone i dont really want you here. just dont be an asshole guys.
anyway have a good day !! :)
#please never read this#this is embarassing#if you even think for a millisecond that you might know me in person i am politely asking you to leave immediately#intro post#i dont know what to put in here#ps i only did this bc i saw pickledsad do one so shoutout to her!#i dont know how to tag this#i also dk how to use tumblr#how does this work#theres like 120 of you so i figured at least one person would care at least a little bit and if you dont then still be nice i have feelings#( whispers )#if you wanna call me december im okay with that#it was nearly my name#anyway#nobodys gonna see this#but#if you do see this#feel free to call me december i guess#it would make me happy#but no pressure#also like#should i put my tags in this#i will#skate has words#skate answers#skate rants!#i love referring to myself in the third person#i do it ALL THE TIME#its kinda bad#but like
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Had the extremely upsetting experience of a mutual of like 6 years going off on me for occasionally making posts about supporting Harris because apparently that makes me a g n cide denier who refuses to learn and grow, with all of my views just being assumed not even from what I've told them I believe or what I've posted before, but just because I DON'T post particularly the kind of things they THINK I should be. When I pointed out how much they were just completely assuming about stuff I'd never talked to them about, I was told it doesn't matter what I do in real life or "care" about if I simply disagree with their conclusion and vote for her anyway. Like they were absolutely not sorry for the level of maliciousness they not just assumed of my character, but for some reason thought appropriate to bring directly to me before unfollowing me. No apology whatsoever for how discomforting or upsetting that might be and certainly no acknowledgment that I could disagree with them and still be a good person. I just got another even longer rant about how they fundamentally can't fuck with me because of this one thing, no matter WHAT else I do in my real life (which I pointed out that they do not know), and how I'm directly supporting fascism.
Like seriously what is it about Tumblr that makes people think they know someone based off of occasional posts? There were just such DEEP assumptions they were making of me and going off of very little or absolutely nothing. Around the time I first became mutuals with that person I used to express my personality and beliefs and talk about what was going on in my life a lot more openly, but I've significantly scaled back on doing that in many ways for many reasons. One of my major ones is privacy and the way I've had strangers outside my followers and following circles just find random things I say and dogpile me for it. I was fundamentally changed after some T Fs did that to me like 3 years ago. I also just didn't have many conversations w that person anymore (I message people in general on here like 10x less than I did circa 2018-2019, which I'm somewhat sorry about!). My point is to say I think this person felt comfortable assuming that they knew me, especially who I am in 2024 at the age of 25, much better than they actually did.
One of the specific things they accused me of was being afraid of learning and growing (because I don't perform social media activism on here like they think I should). Like AFRAID to take criticism. When again I've never received criticism from them or had to respond to any criticism on here before as pertaining to my views on... well, absolutely any of the issues they accused me of not caring about. They essentially treated it as if the only thing in the world I cared about was the US election and characterized me as the most out-of-touch liberal they could possibly imagine, because I'm not "pushing" Kamala Harris to be better (Oh?? Should I do that on here?? Does she read my blog??).
And most hypocritically what they said was that I only *sometimes* *vaguely* post pro-Harris things (I often post like 5 or fewer things in a day though?). But here's the kicker. "Because I know I'll get shit for it. And rightfully so."
Really????? Not a single person, anon or not, in my messages or in a tagged post or anything, has ever given me shit before for saying who I'm voting for. I'm actually NOT afraid of "getting shit" for that opinion, I just don't start fights with people who are anti-voting. And why should I??? I genuinely don't believe in trying to change the minds of strangers on the internet about that sort of thing. I'm just not confrontational about it; that is so not the same thing as being "afraid of getting shit." I'm not posting ENOUGH about my support for Harris, therefore I'm afraid. But therefore they can also make all these assumptions about me being their strawman for an ignorant Harris supporter.
I'm afraid of getting shit but I still post anyway? But if I weren't afraid of getting shit I'd be posting a lot more?? This is ALL based on their assumptions of what my blog *should* look like, based on what I really and truly believe. My level of posting every now and then is an accurate gauge of my feelings on complex, sensitive, global issues. Because I'm voting for the Democratic presidential candidate and I'm ok sharing pretty much just that little glimpse of myself.
I really don't think that person knows just how inappropriate and insulting that is to just say all of that to me. Like they really know what's going on in my head. Their first message began and ended with like "I'm sorry I love you I just can't take it anymore" but they clearly weren't sorry enough to try and be more respectful to me, and they didn't love me enough not to default to extremely ungenerous assumptions and attacking me based off of those instead of any actual words I've said that they take issue with.
Online radicalization is real and it's not necessarily bad because your political views can start to fall well out of the contemporary Overton window. The way you find it appropriate to treat people whose views, however common, seem to fundamentally misalign with yours... that does matter. You can't just assume the worst of everyone and then act on that in how you approach them as individuals. And then be shocked that you don't stay friends with them. You can't be confrontational with someone about an issue you've never had an honest conversation about, and then expect them to take your bad faith in them as reasonable well-meaning criticism.
I'm afraid of criticism??? I'm afraid of criticism. No I'm not. This person and I have never had an issue before where they criticized me and I got harshly defensive. It was ALL projection. The entire tone of their messages was as if all their anti-voting posts recently were somehow in communication with the occasional go-vote-for-Harris posts that I make. That's not a conversation. I don't post for your satisfaction. I don't post in "response" to my mutuals I disagree with. I just post what's on my mind, sometimes, about some things. I really again can't stress enough how baffled I am by this
#tales from diana#long post#this is not really a post about voting this is a post about online etiquette#i also remember that this person at one point when we were teenagers had a crush on me#so they might have somewhat idealized me or maybe just had respect for the good times#good conversations we had over the years etc#i still held them in regard even though some of their anti-voting posts i took serious issue w#again i really don't care to argue w ppl against voting bc really i mainly only disagree w that one conclusion#the systemic critiques that were made in those posts i don't think make them bad ppl#i sympathize w why someone might think that way#i just cannot pretend that i think nothing changes if we have dt as president again#i can't act as if im not anxious at the state of the world we're in where we're seriously at risk of that#i don't have that same level of concern about harris. i don't. i don't think theyre the same#i think they diverge in so many meaningful ways but im usually not writing detailed long thoughtful posts about it#do i have to??? for TUMBLR?? id rather not...#but i don't wish to be confronted as if these are nuances i MUST not hold in my opinion#can't stress enough they were basically calling me a g n cide denier like that's just a cool ok thing to do#i have literally never made a post about ppl not voting for harris bc of the war in gaza#i specifically haven't not because im 'afraid' but bc i don't believe in comparing those 2 things#there was gonna be a presidential election this year anyway and there does not have to be this war#if u think dems aren't doing well enough on the war for u to vote for them. i can't argue w u#but i was always going to vote anyway#again im afraid of getting shit?? ONLY this person has EVER given me shit until now#im not pushing harris enough? how tf do u know that? bc im not reblogging ill-informed posts from ppl like u?#im not PUSHING this woman running for president enough bc im not writing critical posts she and her advisers will never see#about how im threatening to withhold my vote from them. something id never honestly do considering the opposition#they kept stressing to me to about how they weren't a trump supporter when *i* never said as much to them#i do agree that not voting for harris 'supports' trump in that it benefits him overall#but i don't attack ppl who just aren't voting in that way. ok?#damn i hate being on the defensive like this
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idk who else cares abt this but ive been searching desperately for fobs grammy consideration banner and this is allegedly it and like. god do i know they arenāt gonna sweep all of these and the grammys dont matter and just bc they submitted all this doesnt even mean theyāll get the nominations but please please please fob sweep please
#i had already seen rumors of the smfs and lftos noms but did Not know they submitted wdstf too#at the very least wouldnt it be so sexy if they could be called like. three/four/five time grammy nominated bandā¦.#i feel like theyre very likely to get the rock album nom#as well as rock song and rock performance. wdstf might even get that one idk#i want them to get nominated for album record and song of the year though god please they deserve it so bad HFKDNF#txt
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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Jollin and the Festival
The afternoon before the start of the Dano Dragon Boat festival, Nayeon greeted Jollin as he returned home from his rounds, chattering happily as usual. As the spring crops came in around her family farm, the bunny had come by multiple times in the past few weeks to borrow the cart he used for larger courier and mail deliveries around his assigned area of Flower Hill.
Jollin did not mind. Nayeon only borrowed it when she knew he was going to have a light load the next day, or had the day off. And besides, letting her borrow the cart increased the chances of her gifting him a few extra bits of produce as a neighborly thanks, a luxury unheard of back when he was a half-starved laborer in the Weasel Kingdoms.
The entire community seemed to think he was too malnourished for his own good, not knowing that his thinner body and less fluffy tail was due to him being a dormouse scout for the enemy, and not actually a squirrel as they assumed. He dreaded to think about what would happen if they figured it out. Then again, instead of publicly exposing him, they would likely contact the Cherry Valley command center, who would explain that yes, he had actually defected long ago, and was happily being used as bait to lure out other scouts who may have escaped the roundup of the other Tokgasi agents. Or so the hedgehog and squirrel commander had assumed, and continued to believe.
āā¦I do hope you are able to attend the festival, tomorrow! I just hope it is not interrupted by the Weasel Unit, but surely not even they would be inconsiderate enough to attack a peaceful festival when an international crowd is around. Even I get to perform on stage in the afternoon! I have been practicing in every free moment I get! But I wonāt tell you what I am performing. Itās a secret you will have to see for yourself,ā Nayeon could hardly keep still as she laughed, bold and shy at the same time.
Jollin could guess that she would probably perform a dance, perhaps in tune to some folk music, or even an opera song. Over the last few weeks, she had taken to wearing a traditional hanbok- or chosÅn-ot, as Flower Hill called them- in every spare moment, twirling as she moved. Even Jollin had noticed her gracefulness, which made her a prime candidate for one of the floating dances performed on the peninsula. He had heard of those, although it had previously been a delicate spectacle reserved only for the weasels and other upper class groups in their mansions and theaters. Granted, she still had to work, so the chima was not as long as to cover the boots, and was not adorned in complex patterns, but she would likely be wearing a proper version at the festival. Still, even he knew not to spoil the surprise, needing to fake some cheerfulness and mimic the excitement of the fools of the country.
āOh! I simply cannot wait! The Command Center does need me to deliver a few packages tomorrow, but I bet they will need to be taken to the festival anyway,ā he laughed. Really, the commanders had already approached him with intel that another Tokgasi agent was to appear at the festival, and wanted him, the supposed defector, to hunt them down. āBut it will be getting dark soon! You had best be on your way home so you can help the others with the crops! Otherwise, you will all have to do it in the dark, and that can be dangerous! You might oversleep.ā
āYes, sir!ā The bunny tittered She waved, then quickly moved down the path and around the hills towards her home, pulling the cart.
Jollin was not necessarily worried about Nayeon being out alone in the dark. Granted, the Tokgasi survivors were hiding out in the area, but it was unlikely they would go for her. There was a danger of a rouge scout taking her hostage to try and get the dormouse courier to shelter them, of course, thinking that they were close friends. But he knew that despite her looks, Nayeon had already been through the mandatory conscription of Flower Hill. She should know how to fight off an attacker, especially given her grandfather being a top general.
Which made him wonder if she was really the happy, bubbly bunny she appeared to be. As far as he was concerned, his paranoia over her being a plant by Cherry Valley was fully justified. Particularly after her grandfather, the doddering old retired soldier, who would absentmindedly, in his loneliness and age, give away secrets about Flower Hillās defenses and movements, had turned out to be a fully in charge general, who was feeding him false information as part of a Flower Hill plot to use an enemy scout to destabilize the opposing army. Apparently, Flower Hill, as with other nations, were surprisingly fine with allowing a scout to live and work in their homeland. However, the fact that the scout was not sending the false information back to his handlers as they had planned was an actual problem, as it meant that Weasel Unit forces were not falling into traps that had been set up. It forced the general to drop his charade early out of frustration, and for the Flower Hill commanders to formally induct him as a defector from the enemy.
So, what about his granddaughter, Nayeon? Living so close to the Command Center, it was possible that her role to play was to casually drop information on what he should be doing, in a way that would not sound like an order, should he prove obstinate to demands. Come to the festival, a loud place he had no interest in, and stand near a stage, possibly to meet up and chat with a āfriendlyā hedgehog about infiltration he had seen other than the Weasel Unit soldiers who had been purposefully invited.
On the other hand, she could simply be that innocent, somehow. It would be a bad idea to question her. If it was the latter, and she found out he was one of the enemies? I wouldnāt see her as often. There would go all the extra food, and news from around Flower Hill that he did need to pass on to his handlers. As far as he could tell, she had no parents, and lived with her grandfather, and given the current war and occupations, there was usually a reason for that.
So, being a bit paranoid about what he said and did was reasonable. The commanders and the soldiers saw it as typical mouse nervousness, while the citizens out of conscription saw him as a poor shellshocked victim from the border, afraid to make friends in case he lost them again. Let both those groups believe that. It makes it easier to meet up with Tokgasi alone.
Which was another reason Jollin needed Nayeon to leave so early. He could see the smudge on one of the stones leading up to the walkway to his house his own house. Someone like him, a Tokgasi scout, would easily recognize the faint Weasel Unit symbol on the ground, signaling that there was a message for him. Jollin lay a hand on the fence post, waiting for Nayeon to shift positions, so the straw hat hanging off his back would block her view of his hand snatching the calling card from Tokgasi affixed to the fence post.
My own house. He hardly could have dreamed of having his own private residence in his previous country. Small, but his own. His own bedroom, a main room, working plumbing in a bathroom, and closets for extra clothing of all things. And the fools had just given this to him, either thinking he was one of their own, or had happily switched sides.
He could get an even greater house if he gave Flower Hill over to Tokgasi and the Weasel Unit. A larger home, with luxuries Flower Hill eschewed, maybe even his own servants, as he had seen other mice get for procuring a great victory for their weasel masters, should they be so inclined.
And perhaps, despite how nice they had been, the thought that Flower Hill fully deserved destruction for their inaction towards the suffering taking place in Usuhan Jiyeog still arose. Just sitting back and not interfering as his people starved and died of sickness, hardly having a care in the world about those who had slighted them generations ago. Jollin had seen the firepower around Cherry Valley and elsewhere, knew that with precision strikes they could have easily wiped out the leaders and most of the Weasel Unit, making their country safer, but they were too soft to do so. Once the weasels were gone, most of the mice would likely starve to death without overseers telling them what to do, so Flower Hill should not have to worry about that.
Still, the firepower he had been allowed to casually see gave him pause in reporting anything.
Either way, there would be a meeting tonight. The message noted to leave the door unlocked.
ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.
The hill in front of his house blocked his view of the valley below, and he assumed that hedgehogs would spy on him from there. Which meant it was a perfect area for Tokgasi and his agents, along with other scouts, to survey as well to make sure they were not being watched.
The mice gathered in the main room, some watching the windows to make sure no one snuck up on the house. Nervous fools, Jollin noted. One of these days, during one of these meetings, someone was going to make a mistake and capture a hedgehog who passed by, instead of hiding. The smarter infiltrators had run away when Tokgasiās scout ring had collapsed, helped by Jollinās instructions on the lax security that appeared during specific times. He had heard the other mice whispering rumors of Geumbanjiās mercenary group running a series of safe-houses for deserters, ending somewhere near the border of Chaand Hadia.
Which, while an odd tactic for mercenaries to use, made perfect sense. Geumbanji himself needed to lie low, now that Flower Hill had realized he was a traitor, and with other countries likely keeping a lookout for him as well, he might be bored. Besides, he would get money, news, and supplies from the traffic, while Flower Hill could watch a steady stream of soldiers leave the ranks of the Weasel Unit. The gold ringed mouse could run his mercenary operation from anywhere.
Fleeing to Chaand Hadia had also been one of his possible routes for desertion, but the stories he had heard about the endless food supply and idiotic citizens of Flower Hill who would just give him things had been too tempting. Besides, he would rather see if the foreign country he knew almost nothing about would actually welcome mice and allow them to assimilate. Best not to be among the first. Even if not, he could still hide somewhere.
But that was not important at the moment. Tokgasi was giving him orders.
āWe have finally managed to make contact with the second scout we have embedded around the Command Center. We know that he will be at the festival working security, which is good for us to sneak in. Once you make your deliveries, seek him out and give him this message,ā Tokgasi handed him a light pink data chip. āThese will give him his next instructions.ā
āActivating the sleeper agent, eh?ā Jollin snickered, trying his best to sound like a typical mouse, fawning over his boss.
āNaturally! It is time that we start to make our moves to prepare to strike.ā Tokgasi smiled back, all previous suspicion of Jollin being a traitor who deserted gone from his mind
āAlright, it should be easy enough, sir! I will complete my mission!ā Jollin saluted properly.
The other mice smiled and cheered softly, not wanting to arouse suspicion from outside, if anyone was lurking.
Well, this is interesting. Two Weasel Unit scouts embedded in the command center could spell doom for Flower Hill. But Flower Hill also expected him to find a scout at the festival, which meant that they might already know, betraying the remainder of his own little group of friends.
Jollin supposed he would have to see how it would go.
ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.
End Part One
#what do I even call this set of side stories?#Jollin the mail courier AU?#Iām going to upload this to AO3 as well in a new thing#it's my first time using sketchbook so this should be fine for a beginner#predictive stroke is amazing even though it does look anime#squirrel and hedgehog#sah#SaH#dormouse#squirrel and hedgehog OC#idk I might do stuff like this with the kidnapped scientist AU#I'm not sure that one would work as a long fic#chosÅn-ot#hanbok#north korea#I sure hope the norigae is the right color#I know the chima and jegori should be about right especially with the red chima#especially the goreum which can be pink and makes sense in context#the collar needs to be white which causes some issues#chosÅn-ot/hanbok like this usually have red white yellow black and blue to represent the five elements so I think I have that ok#I couldn't have the hat on him since it didn't look right especially if I tried a traditional gat#sketchbook#art#I couldn't get Soor-Hiran and their entourage into the background so I'll do something separate for them later#I have to make a card for my mom first and it has to be mistaken as generic#look there was no way of me getting whiskers in there it just looked so bad
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I think youāre talking about these posts [here & here], I donāt know if there have been others.
I'm not gonna say what I did was right, you are correct I should probably just not respond to asks getting me to talk about other people. I will say for these two posts those people had already blocked me Iām pretty sure, so itās kinda hard to talk directly to them in that case. And I was not doing so anonymously and had not blocked them so I wasnāt hiding what I was saying. I did not follow them, I am not part of the innitor community, and not that that makes it right but I do think it is kinda different. Though you make a good point, perhaps we should stop this pattern of responding to asks about other blogs and such.
Still, the biggest thing to me I realized, back in elementary school when I first dealt with this, was that honestly all the time we talk about people behind their back. Talking about people when they arenāt always in the room is kinda just inevitable and part of socializing, however I think the important part is how you are talking about other people. Itās when you are insulting them, talking negatively about them to people they know, spreading false information and so on that it becomes not okay. Hopefully that makes sense.
In these cases I merely focused on the lore. I didnāt insult them or talk shit about them, as a person, as a blog or say their takes were stupid or they are stupid or speculate about their trauma or mental history. I just talked about reasons why I disagreed, or saw things differently and why we might see things differently. They were also not the only ones I saw to say similar things so I think in my mind I was making more of a general discussion, not trying to target them specifically. I didnāt post beyond that about them. But you are right, regardless it was probably not the right way to go about things.
But just to be clear, if I am a hypocrite it is not my intention. I havenāt vague blogged anyone or meant to vague reblog anyone. I think this week is pretty much the first time Iāve ever been not naming, passive aggressively talking about blogs, and even then Iām not trying to insult them, trying to cancel them. Iām just expressing that before you go off about how Iām stupid and unable to have a discussion about it, the very least you couldāve done was give me an opportunity to try.
#Iām not going to say Iāve handled everything like I should. I feel like usually I try to tag people and include context and pictures so Iām#not trying to be passive aggressive or talk about people behind their back.#Iām not hiding. I havenāt even used the Tommy neg tag and I feel like I always leave things open and - here is my opinion it is not the onl#one or maybe even the right one or - here are my thoughts at the moment of 1am or here is the loreā¦#I made my alt name and image very clearly still me. Iām not trying to be sneaky or backhanded or insult You for an opinion or call You dumb#and if I have insulted or hurt someone Iām genuinely sorry and didnāt mean to. Something I try to reiterate#as my tone can come across as aggressive#crumbs#hello there#but see how we can have a discussion of -hey flora maybe you shouldnāt be talking about other people without tagging them or going directly#to them and I can be like - yea you have a good point. your right thatās not being respectful to them.#clarifications#thats what I'm really asking for. the respect to see if I am going to be as bad as you assume. give me the benefit of the doubt#I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know all the internet etiquette or slang. this is my first time participating in a fandom#my first time on tumblr. on ao3. the first time I've gotten actual like interactions on things beside like graduation pics#not to plead ignorance as innocence#but I know I don't know everything & am not claiming to thats why I try to leave safe space for people to come respectfully to me#after feeling aggressive backlash and seeing it happen I have since tried to make sure I try to respect other people's opinions#now that doesnt mean that if you just leave an anon in my inbox Im going to respond to it if I have already talked about it.#- okay you disagree. I stated my opinion you've stated yours and if there is no further point to discuss then I might not respond#though I did make this blog to perhaps respond more to things like that since you did take the time to say it the least I can do it respond#(and I cant just send you a direct message if you go anon <3)#uh... anyways didn't mean to leave an essay here oops... hope im making sense to someone :)
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"Ariel was stupid like she gave up her life in the ocean for a boy-" Well, if you actually watch the movie, before she even meets Eric, Arield shows interest in going to the surface and learning the ways of the humans. She collects artifacts and hides them, along with her trips to the surface from her father, who is prone to anger and hates her interest. He blows up her cave filled with said artifacts and bans her from ever going back to the surface (and seeing Eric, but the surface aspect and him go hand and hand). You want me to believe that you wouldn't book it at the first opportunity you got? Like yeah, the context of the deal was sketchy as hell, but when your dad is the literal ruler of all the seas you don't have many options. Also, in the sequel, Ariel is still connected to the ocean and can go back, especially after Ursula's sister dies so, in all honesty, my girl still wins in the end.
#the little mermaid#the little mermaid (2023)#tlm#tlm2#ariel#princess ariel#like the big wave of hating princesses comes up again & again but sometimes some of yall just want to hate over things that makes sense#i might make a post about cinderella too bc im tired of yall victim blaming around her all the time#ariel got her man a new life & her old life and two kingdoms? my girl was winning!#that's why she's still one of my faves#āshe's not a good role model!ā well not every fictional character has to be but if u want that than maybe look at how#it's important to have healthy relationships with your kids & be able to talk with them so they don't hide things & seek out dangerous peopl#prepare them for the dangers of bad people while your at it so they can avoid being hurt as much as possible (within their capabilities)#even the og message wasn't that bad: u can find love & happiness without giving up your old life or your interest#and even if you don't feel like the message was that great there's an opportunity to talk with your kids and educate them on it#maybe even see their opinions on why they might feel differently and work from there instead of calling a fictional teenage girl āstupidā
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Was doing so good holding it together today but now that Iām laying down and trying to sleep Iām tearing up and I can feel that Iām about to burst into tears any second now
#my mom called me like ten minutes before I was off work today#and asked if I had talked to my grandpa lately and I was like yeah some why?#Iāve been showing what Iāve been cooking with him and my grandma because I was proud of myself#and she was like oh so you know about his potential surgery?#and I was like. his what???????#apparently his pace maker is dying and malfunctioning and he needs a new one#but this is the third time itās had to be replaced and as heās gotten older heās had a lot more health issues#and theyāre not even sure his heart can handle getting it replacedā¦. he has an appointment tomorrow to find that out#and no one told me. no one fucking told me it was that bad and Iām so#like man my feelings on my grandparents are so insanely complicated but I do love them#I love them so much and they practically raised me and loved me more and treated me better than my mother EVER did#theyāre the only family members Iāve ever been legitimately terrified and upset over not accepting me cuz Iām queer#like my mom and siblings? I could not give a flying fuck if they hated me for my gender or sexuality#if my grandparents had a bad reaction I think I would fucking kill myself#and idk the point is I love him and Iāve barely seen him at all the past few years because we live far away now and I never visit because I#hate the rest of my family#but what if he canāt have this surgery?????#or what if he can but something goes wrong??????#what if heās dying and Iām only able to go down and see him one more time#and he could be fine. it might all work out and he could be fine#but man Iām terrified that wonāt happen because WHY WOULD NO ONE TELL ME ANY OF THIS#and yeah no Iām fully crying now I canāt do this#he taught me to draw and he built the house I grew up in and he got me into lord of the rings and would take me book shopping#and and and Iām gonna fucking throw up#kaz rambles
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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do you ever have something shitty happen to you and then you donāt tell anyone about it for over a week, and you feel ~fine~? and then you finally tell someone, and it becomes real? and then when you get home from work so you can do one thing to make you feel better, and your kitchen is flooded for the 4th time this year? ššš
#building management: weāre going to get someone out tomorrow to look at a permanent fix#me: you mean you havenāt even considered it on any of the previous ones?#also just. screaming like Tahani#I am having what you might call A Bad Time
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Tag drop: Dorian Pavus
#dorian pavus. [ he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain. ]#dorian pavus: ic. [ you find joy in it not shame. it shows. / why be ashamed? power should be respected. not swept under the carpet. ]#dorian pavus: inquiries. [ stop talking like you're waiting for applause. / what? there's no applause? ]#dorian pavus: countenance. [ i'm here to set things right. also? to look dashing. that part's less difficult. ]#dorian pavus: introspection. [ selfish i suppose. not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside. ]#dorian pavus: meta. [ you inspired me with your marvelous antics. youāre shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less? ]#dorian pavus: little notes. [ living a lie. it festers inside you like poison. you have to fight for whatās in your heart. ]#dorian pavus: etc. [ you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks. ]#dorian pavus: magic. [ don't your spells whisper things to you? what is and could be? music in the mind of strange faraway places? ]#dorian pavus: inquisition. [ we're going to get lost and starve to death. aren't we? a glorious end for the inquisition. ]#dorian pavus: tevinter. [ despite appearances. we care deeply. about everything. we have no reserve. not in war and not in love. ]#dorian pavus: felix. [ even in illness he was the best of us. with him around you knew things could be better. ]#dorian pavus: gereon. [ we used to talk about how we could make real change in the imperium. then he gave up. he stopped trying. ]#dorian pavus: halward. [ i only wanted what was best for you. / no. you wanted the best for you. your fucking legacy. ]#dorian pavus: aquinea. [ her blame was cold and smothering. never spoken but always present. he couldn't face that. not yet. ]#dorian pavus: inquisitor. [ you have too many people asking you for everything under the sun. i won't be one of them. ]#dorian pavus: solas. [ you startled me. you're always so... nondescript. / please speak up. i cannot hear you over your outfit. ]#dorian pavus: varric. [ what do you think sparkler? ten royals says the next thing we run into farts fire. / taken i win either way. ]#dorian pavus: cullen. [ gloat all you like. i have this one. / are you sassing me commander? i didn't know you had it in you. ]#dorian pavus: cassandra. [ blue scarf? why would i be wearing such a thing? / It's a painting. work with me. it'll be fantastic. ]#dorian pavus: cole. [ you say you're handsome all the time. am i? i can't tell. / you're all right. might want to rethink the hats. ]#dorian pavus: vivienne. [ i received a letter the other day dorian. / truly? it's nice to know you have friends. ]#dorian pavus: blackwall. [ point is. you should let yourself off the hook. i know bad men and you're not one. ]#dorian pavus: sera. [ you magic me: i'll put three arrows in your eye. / now we can live together in peace and harmony. ]#dorian pavus: bull. [ no qunari would accept a tevinter mage unless it was a ruse. when should i expect a knife in the back? ]#dorian pavus: corypheus. [ one of yours? / one of mine? like a pet? a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood? ]
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