#one meltdown a day to keep people away

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[platinum-horizons]

4

edit: 4 was NOT supposed to be there i dont know how it happened

Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.

I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.

I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

sometimes the notes app ain't it, u have to do vent posts where no one will see it

[luveline]

Hi Jade ! I loove your sunshine!readers, could I request one for Carmy ? Maybe someone calls her to get to the restaurant when hes feeling anxious to calm him down idk if thats good lol love ya !

ty for requesting <3 fem, 1.4k

Is it The Beef or The Bear? In your head, despite the wishes of everyone who works there (except for Ebra, who seems to have mixed opinions), you always call it The Beef. But the sign brags otherwise, and when you push open the doors, nothing inside is left to remind you of the old restaurant. It was a total gut. 

“Hi, gorgeous,” says a familiar, warm voice. 

You almost walk straight into her table, distracted looking for brown curls through the kitchen door’s little window. “Hey, Tina.” You grin at your second favourite chef. Your most favourite Sous. “You taking a break?” 

She offers you a round butter cookie from a sleeve of them. Her cup of coffee billows with steam. “Uh-huh.” 

“Hiding from a meltdown?” you ask, taking a cookie, fingers oily with butter, sugar grains falling to the floor. 

“It’s not like that,” she says. 

Well, what is it like? you think. 

Richie’s text wasn’t exactly descriptive. Need ur help with the little Bitch, he’d said. Then, when you didn’t answer, ASAP!!!!

You figured it must’ve been another rant. He’s prone to these�� episodes of anger where he doesn’t realise he’s spinning out and hurting people who really care about him. You try to bring him out of it, but he’s a Berzatto. They’re all the same, sort of. Everything that’s wrong with them has been stamped into them a long, long time ago. 

He’s been better since Nat steel armed him into AA, but still. You tilt your head to one side, sugar cookie between your fingers, listening for the goings on in the kitchen. “Sydney’s here?” you ask. “I thought she was sick.” 

“Sydney gets sick, but she doesn’t take sick days,” Tina says with a loving shrug. 

You smile at her in brief goodbye for now and make your way to the kitchen, where you push in quietly. All their ‘Behind!’ and ‘Corner!’ and ‘Hands!’ makes you laugh, and you can’t take it seriously so you don’t, but you’re not trying to be dangerous in there either. 

“Hello?” you ask. 

Sydney and Richie look up from a cramped notebook at the table nearest to the door. There are employees you're unsure of prepping vegetables along the wall, but Carmy isn’t anywhere to be seen. 

“Fucking finally,” Richie says, before rubbing his face regretfully. “I’m sorry, it’s just– I texted you an hour ago, babe, you’re letting me down.” 

You laugh. “Sorry, babe,” you tease. “I have a job, just like you.” Your hands are cold where you tuck them under each armpit, crossing your arms. “Hi, Sydney. You feeling okay?” 

“No. He’s stressing me out.” 

“Which one?” 

“Both of them.” She looks like she might rub her face too. “I need him to be in here right now, he should be doing this, but he keeps walking away and– and not saying where he’s going.” 

“He is stressful,” you agree, though usually Carmy’s stress tends to bounce right off of you, “I’m gonna find him and strap him down for you.” 

Sydney just frowns. 

“I’ll see what’s up,” you say more seriously. “In the office?” 

“Out the back,” Richie says. “Smoking like his mother. He’s a fucking steam train lately.” 

It’s like they want to worry you. You give them grateful nods, sorry nods, and start to make your way out of the main kitchen, past the dishwashers and the dessert station to one of the back doors. Carmy isn’t your responsibility. You don’t have to apologise for him, you don’t have to mother him, he should commit to his responsibilities all on his own, but… it’s hard. You like apologising for him because his behaviour isn’t always on purpose, and he struggles with commitment for similar reasons. There’s this aching, stagnated grief in him that’s reawakening, there’s the stress of the restaurant, his business, the scars of the last ten years, and before that. You know it isn’t your job to come here and make him feel better, but isn’t it? When you love someone, it’s half the deal. 

Carmy shouldn’t yell at his friends, or employees. He shouldn’t chain smoke, and he shouldn’t be sitting on the low wall by the dumpsters shaking so hard with his head so low that you can see the first notch of his spine in his shirt. 

“Carmy?” you ask. 

His head ducks further down. You can hear him breathing, not too hard as to alarm you, and yet unrelaxed. 

You smile without thinking. You hate seeing him like this, but looking after him is a pleasure. “Hey, Carmen. Can I sit with you?” 

He forces his face up. “What are you doing here?” he asks. 

Trying to make sure he doesn’t tear another chunk out of Richie. “It’s my lunch break.” 

You perch on the wall beside him and snap your nearly forgotten cookie into two pieces, one side bigger than the other, which you offer him. 

Carmy takes it. Looks at it without expression, though that slowly turns to a dry ire you’ve felt directed your way a hundred times. “What the fuck is this?” 

“Cookie.” 

“I don’t want this.” 

“Could you just eat it?” You put your own half in your mouth in its entirety, all aligned to your teeth. It shatters into sweet, soft crumbs between your teeth. You talk with a hand over your mouth, “It’s not gonna kill you.” 

Carmy looks at it for a long time before he eats it. 

You watch him. He’s more tan than you’d think, that Italian gene kicking in, skin clinging to whatever sunshine it finds. He spends enough time inside that you’re surprised it can muster the energy. He looks better with it though, his curls look gold toned under the sun, and his clenched jaw doesn’t seem so harsh. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask eventually. Almost conversationally. 

“Nothing.” His hand shakes on his thigh. He turns his palm down to clasp his knee. 

“You sure?” 

“No.” 

“That one’s my favourite.” 

“What?” 

You poke toward a tattoo on his hand. It’s a simple flower, same style as most of his tattoos. “I like it ‘cos it’s just a flower.” 

“My least pretentious,” he guesses. 

“Something like that.” 

He tips his head back. 

“Richie texted me. He thinks I’m gonna… like, I’m gonna calm you down, I guess.” 

“You always do,” he says. 

You give him a long, smiley look. “So you’re in love with me?” you ask warmly, pushing up into a knee to wrap your arm behind him, hugging him before he can move away. “You’re totally fucked for me, Berzatto, that’s fucking crazy.” 

“Fuck off,” he laughs. 

You rub his arm, his skin hot in your hold. He touches your waist very, very lightly. “What am I supposed to do, anyway? I can’t cook. You and Syd are on your own.” 

“You already… already did enough.” He grabs your waist where you wobble on the brick wall, grit biting your knees, his hand comparatively soft. 

“Such a crush on me,” you tease in a whisper, his hair crushed under your cheek. 

You’re tempted to kiss his temple, but affection with Carmy is like oil and water sometimes. You give him a last protective squeeze and sit yourself down again. 

“Carm,” you say, “you know you can call me, right? Like, if you don’t feel okay.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” 

“Or text me. If that’s easier. It’s hard to say hard things out loud.” 

He laughs again. “Sorry.” 

“I know, I don’t– I don’t seem like I know what you’re talking about, I get it, but I do understand. N’ even if I didn’t, I don’t mind listening. Or laughing at you.” 

“What’s that about?” 

“The laughing?” you ask. “You tell me.” 

His hand slides behind your back in half a hug. “Guess it’s funny.” 

“Can I change my mind about the tattoo?” 

“The flowers not your favourite?” 

“No. You know which one I like best?” 

His thumb rubs into your back. “The snail.” 

“Absolutely the snail. You’re so fucking silly sometimes, I’m supposed to take you seriously when you’re yelling and red in the face with a snail on your arm?” 

You can’t see his face with your cheek to his shoulder, won’t know that he’s smiling at you with a rare aura of peace. Can’t see the wanting, either. 

[ceesimz]

Wallflower

Autistic Reader x Barça Femení

The main story can be found here, this is just a small one shot I had the idea for :)

Birthdays. What a massive inconvenience.

Actually, scratch that. You enjoyed other people's birthdays, just not your own. In fact, it was your worst nightmare. One of the most dreaded days of the year.

Having all of the attention on you? Having gifts and envelopes and surprises forced your way? People singing to you? God, it made you sick to your stomach just thinking about it.

Not to sound ungrateful, of course. The idea that people liked you enough to make a fuss of you did spark something in your heart, but it was too much. In the nicest way possible, it was utterly overwhelming, and often at some point during the day, there would be tears. Possibly a shutdown too, or  even a meltdown of some kind. 

All in all, it was a terrifying experience no matter how you spent it.

Now double that, triple it again, multiply it by ten, and that's how it felt waking up on your first birthday at Barcelona. 

For the whole month so far, you had near enough begged Ingrid to make sure the team doesn't do anything excessive. You needed the day to be as normal as possible, just so you could get through it. And to be fair to her, with a sad smile, she had promised that your wishes would be met. 

So waking up alone to an empty flat on the dreaded day was both calming and uncomfortable. You'd asked for it, obviously, so had to get over it. You showered, got dressed into your training gear, and sat down on the sofa whilst waiting for Ingrid to arrive. Again, it was just like any other day. If you ignored the way your phone vibrated every few minutes, that is. And the stomach-churning anxiety that only increased as time went on.

There was a knock on the door and, expecting it to be Ingrid, you shouted for her to come in. Except, it wasn't her. Though you couldn't really be too disgruntled by the surprise guest.

“Good morning, cariño. Can I come in?” Alexia peered around the door cautiously, smiling hopefully over at you. 

With a solemn nod, she quickly stepped in and closed the door behind her. In her arms was a bouquet containing some of the flowers you had gawked at way back when on your first date with her. That was a few weeks ago now, and being in the early stages of a relationship did have its difficulties, but only due to the adjustment of it. Everything else was, well, perfect. Alexia was perfect. 

But having her, your girlfriend, show up unannounced on your birthday wasn't the worst thing in the world, you supposed.

“Is it okay that I'm here?” She asked nervously, pausing a few feet away from you.

“It is.” You smiled shyly up at her, standing so you could greet her properly. 

In an instant, there was a cheesy grin on her face, and she placed the flowers down gently on your coffee table before lifting you off the ground into a tight hug.

“Happy birthday, mi amor.” She whispered before scattering light kisses from your neck, up to your cheek, down along your jaw, and reaching her final destination, sealing her greeting with a soft kiss to your lips. “How are you feeling?”

“Stressed. Anxious.” You laughed nervously, leaning into her hand when she puts you down and cups your cheek.

“That’s okay. I… I haven’t made you feel worse by showing up, right? I can go if you would prefer.” With a silent shake of your head, you wrapped your arms back around her and buried your face in her shoulder. She smiled and happily complied, keeping you close to her. “Then I will stay.”

“I’m really glad you came.” You stated, slightly muffled by the material of her jumper. “Thank you.”

“No, no need to thank me. It is my girlfriend's birthday, and I will always show up for her if she lets me.” 

She voiced her determination to love you, even though those three words hadn't been said aloud by either of you yet. You were sure of it; the warmth you got in your chest was the first time an all-consuming feeling didn't feel quite so terrifying. It was at first, the initial realisation was something that kept you up at night for a few days, until one morning it clicked and all that was left was serenity and security in your feelings. Telling her such was an entirely different challenge.

After her latest admission, it took everything in you to keep those words inside rather than spilling straight out.

“Will you drive me to training?” You asked, seemingly out of nowhere. But, with so much running through your mind, so much weighing on you today, it was easier to stick to the simpler things rather than focus on all the stuff that’s overwhelming in that moment. The day still felt like a mountainous obstacle to get over, hence your need for simplicity and slight dissociative nature. 

“Of course. Have Mapi and Ingrid been yet?” Alexia said, watching as you pulled away and slumped down onto the sofa again, your legs pressed up against your chest and your arms folding around them. You shook your head no, to which she nodded and collected the flowers again to put them in a vase.

“Thank you for the flowers, Ale.” You mumbled, resting your chin on your knee whilst watching her and fidgeting with the TV remote. She smiled over at you from the kitchen before turning back to the bouquet, spreading some of the flowers out a little and leaving them on the kitchen counter. 

Another thing about your birthday, though it had only developed once you got into your teenage years, was that receiving gifts from people caused a lot of anxiety. When the dust settled, the sentiment behind each gift one was something you treasured. But getting them and opening them was an event you worried about much more than the average person- was your reaction what they wanted? Did you thank them enough? Did you come across as rude and ungrateful? There was just too much to think about.

With Alexia, you didn’t have to stress about any of those things. She was great at reading you by now, she knew what version she would get and when. And yet, her adoration still never faltered. You had come to know her just as well as she knew you, so you were sure she had gotten you other presents than just a bouquet of flowers (though they were more than enough for you) and that she was just waiting for the right time to give you her proper gifts. That, you were grateful for. 

“De nada, amor.” Alexia murmured as she sat down beside you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. Instantly, you curled into her side, smiling when her lips pressed against your temple in a soft kiss. “Training will be okay, you know. I understand it is the unknown that makes you anxious, but once you have a ball at your feet, it will all calm down. Try to remind yourself that, okay?”

“I just hate the anticipation, the waiting. Want to get it over and done with.” You sighed, relishing in the comfort Alexia provides just by being beside you.

“I know. Time isn’t kind.” Alexia whispered, taking one of your hands with her free one and squeezing it. “You wanna skip breakfast at training?”

You raised your head quickly at her question, not even knowing that idea was a possibility.

“People won’t be mad if I do? That I won’t be there?” You checked, because if you could get away with doing such a thing, it’d get rid of a mighty chunk of your worries.

Being seated in the canteen with everyone at Barcelona on the one day dedicated to you was terrifying really. There would be expectations, possible celebrations, and the eyes of everyone would surely be on you. They meant well, you knew that of course, but that unfortunately didn’t make it any less frightening. Breakfast was a social event, for some hell-sent reason, whereas training was a professional setting, it was work. Avoiding it altogether would be a dream, except you know the mass disappointment it’d cause. And everybody knows how that ends.

“No one would be mad, cariño. They would understand.” Alexia physically felt the tension leave you under her hands at that, your body deflating as you let out a breath of relief. You moved to wrap your arms around Alexia’s torso then, and leaned up to kiss her cheek.

“Thank you, Ale. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” You said, punctuated with yet more kisses.

All those weeks ago, Alexia had been right. Having someone by your side did make a lot of things so much easier. It was like night and day. You recognised the difference in yourself since you had met her, and you never knew it was possible for you to grow like this. With the move from Germany to Spain, you were well aware that there would be some changes for you, but the unknown came into play again. Would those changes be progression or regression? Evidently, and to your relief, it was progression. Your dream of thriving here was fast on its way to becoming true.

“Feliz cumpleaños, preciosa!” A certain Spaniard bellowed the second she opened your door, giving you and Alexia slight heart attacks.

“Mapi, dios mío! Why!?” Alexia groaned, you giggling beside her as you could hear her heart racing at the jumpscare so kindly given by the shorter woman.

“I warned her, she did not listen.” Ingrid sighed with feigned annoyance, but the second she looked over at you, there was a beaming smile on her face. “Come here, søster!”

Sheepishly, you unwound yourself from Alexia’s hold and walked over to Ingrid, laughing when she squished your cheeks together and kissed your forehead before embracing you tightly.

“Happy birthday!” Ingrid squealed, grunting when her girlfriend’s gangly arms flung around you both. Mapi squeezed you both together before looking over at Alexia who was watching the interaction fondly, still seated on the sofa.

“Ale, come join.” Mapi demanded, only for her to shake her head and wave the defender off. Mapi wasn’t having it though. She left the hug for a moment and grabbed her friend by the wrist to drag her over, before manually moving Alexia’s arms to wrap around the three of you. “Stop being a party pooper, Alexia. Get that grumpy look off your face, we know you are enjoying this.”

“Yeah, Ale.” You looked to your side at her with a teasing smile, the love radiating off of the both of you when your eyes met. Ingrid could feel it, Mapi could feel it. You were possibly the only two in the world opting out of acknowledging it.

After the impromptu group hug, Ingrid went over to the bag she had brought and unpacked a load of your favourite pastries. You knew she was making them for you, but in your anxious daze of the morning so far you’d entirely forgotten about them. The way your face lit up at the sight was enough for Ingrid’s day to be made and for Alexia’s heart to run wild in her chest. All four of you sat down at the dining table to share them since Ingrid had made enough for everybody, and like always you mostly stayed quiet and let the other three carry the conversation. You’d drop in every now and then, but most of the time you just liked to listen. They all knew that by now and were more than happy to keep the chat flowing, until it was time to leave for training.

Having Alexia drive you there had its advantages and disadvantages, and you were well versed with them by now. Being a passenger meant you were free to get caught up in your thoughts, which could either go really well or really bad. Meanwhile, being the driver meant you had to focus on the road, forcing the doubts to be silent. Yet, sometimes not having the chance to mentally work through what was stressing you out only made the situation worse.

In this instance, you had no time for overthinking when Alexia was emphatically singing along to any song that played on the radio, keeping you entertained and distracted for pretty much the whole journey.

It was a completely different story once you arrived though.

Alexia near enough had to lead you through the building and into the locker room, her hand on your back as a comforting reminder. Thankfully you managed to get there without bumping into anyone since the pair of you were some of the first to arrive. The only teammates you had seen so far were Ona, Aitana, and Jana, but they hadn’t seen you. Alexia had laughed when you ducked behind her dramatically, using her as a cover to stay hidden as they walked ahead of you both. They took a left turn to go to the canteen, whilst you headed in the other direction. 

You sat down at your cubby and slumped back against the wall, body sagging with relief. Alexia smiled softly and took her seat a few down the line, and the pair of you both booted up in comfortable silence. 

Being captain of the team, the midfielder obviously had the authority to get her team to listen to her. Without making much of a deal out of it, herself and Ingrid had discreetly gone around the team to ensure there were no surprises or big occasions prepared without your knowledge. Instead, they were taking a much more low-key approach that they hoped would convey just how overjoyed they were to have you on their team.

She sat not too far from you with the knowledge of what the surprise was, and she was probably the most excited out of the lot for you to receive it. It was nothing big, in fact most of the team worried it was too little, but having known you for so long Ingrid had reassured them there wasn’t really anything you would appreciate more than the gesture they had in mind. Some of the members you were slightly closer with had decided on small gifts of their own they would give to you in their own time, but for today, they would stick with their collective plan and hope for the best. 

“You ready for me to beat you at free-kicks?” Alexia grinned once she was ready, standing as she tied her hair back into her usual updo.

“I’ve beat you the last two times we’ve done this, I wouldn’t get too cocky.” You smirked, squirming when she squeezed your sides as you walked past her. “Plus, it’s my birthday.”

“Oh no, you don’t get to pull that card. I’m definitely going to win now.”

For just over half an hour, you got invested in a free-kick contest with none other than La Reina herself. It had become somewhat of a tradition now, to the point where you had even made a points system for it. The further out you went, or the harder the angle, the more points you scored. A few months back, after Alexia had caught you once again avoiding breakfast, she had suggested the pair of you practise free-kicks after she had missed one in the game before that day. It quickly became a thing for you both, getting so competitive with each other and scoring goal after goal in the secluded morning sessions together, that a points system just had to be introduced after two draws in a row. Neither of you had looked back since. Those moments together, with a ball at your feet and the quiet company of the other, had become something you both looked forward to. 

Unfortunately, Alexia beat you this time, by just one point. One. And she was gloating like she’d gotten another Ballon d’Or.

“I told you, cariño. Just because it is your day doesn’t mean I will go easy on you.” She shrugged arrogantly, wandering back over to where you stood with your arms crossed petulantly over your chest. She grinned at the unimpressed look on your face, raising a hand to poke at the corner of your mouth. “Smile, amor!”

With a scoff, you swatted her hand away and turned to walk over to where your drink lay on the sidelines. Not a second later, you heard her jogging after you before two arms wound around your waist and a chin rested on your shoulder.

“You know I should have won that. You put me off.” You grumbled, referring to the moment she had crept up behind you and made a weird noise right by your ear just as you stepped off to take the kick.

“No no no, there was just a bug on your shoulder. I had to protect my girlfriend.” She said, grunting when you lightly jabbed your elbow back into her stomach.

“Protect me from what? A tiny fly? You are the only irritating little bug I need saving from.” You argued. As you picked up your own bottle, you got Alexia’s too, only you dropped it purposely when she went to take it from you. “What comes around, goes around, Alexia.”

Alexia wasn’t quick enough to come up with her own payback before the rest of the team started filing out for the actual training session. First came Esmee on her own, who, at the sight of you, immediately lit up and came over. Quietly, without making too much of a fuss, she wished you a happy birthday before hugging you. She was just as shy as you sometimes, so she left it at that. Ultimately though, being on a team of people that mostly came from affectionate countries, they all couldn’t resist. Funnily enough, you didn’t hate it. The hugs, the well wishes, the toothy grins sent your way, the cheek kisses and pats on the back were welcomed. It wasn’t overbearing, or too much, it made you feel… loved. And appreciated.

For the first time in your career, it didn't feel entirely fake either. Not that your other teams didn’t shower you in their gratitude, but it always felt like there was a barrier between you and them. Like you weren’t fully with them. You knew exactly why it felt like that, but not an ounce of you was prepared to solve it. This time around, that blockade wasn’t there. They knew you, not a facade, and still they willingly conveyed their feelings towards you. Quickly you were learning that this was the right way to live. Not like you had in the past, where you weren’t even half of your true self.

Living unapologetically as yourself was freeing. You couldn’t go back if you tried.

As always, you loved training. It was equal parts light-hearted and competitive, the perfect combination. Everybody was playing well, feeling well, and it was evident on everyone’s face. Not a moment passed without everybody smiling or laughing. Even during the gruelling seven-a-side game at the end. During a brief reprieve from the tight match where you were stood on the sidelines, watching on, it gave a moment of clarity. You did belong here. 

“Has Ale given you your presents yet?” Aitana joined you with a smile on her face, but you looked down at her in confusion. “Ah, I see. She hasn’t. Well, take it from me, they are really cool. You will love them.”

“What are they?” You tried to get it out of her, but obviously she wasn’t letting up that easily.

“You will see! I am not spoiling it.” She laughed. “Tell me when she has, I have to talk about them with you.”

“How do you know what they are?” You wondered, only for her to shrug slyly.

“You just have to find out. Go on! You’re being called back in.” She shooed you away, smiling again when you shake your head at her antics.

The game didn’t go on for much longer before the end of training was called. On the way in, you were watching Pina and Vicky spray each other with the remainders of their drinks, laughing when one of them accidentally sprayed Marta. Before you knew it, all of the ‘class clowns’ were chasing the team around with the ice cold liquids, and you found yourself at the centre of it. Apparently, turning 27 meant getting doused in sports drinks, because by the time you were back in the locker room, your shirt was mostly damp.

Alexia had stuck to the back of the group with Patri who had unusually opted out of joining in, though it wasn’t something you picked up on. The two were talking calmly as if there wasn’t a full blown water fight ahead of them, but Alexia knew Patri was itching to join in. What caused her to stay out of it though was very important to her. 

“Hey.” She came over to you in the locker room with a spare towel for you to somewhat dry yourself off with, another item hidden behind her back. “I have something else for you.”

You could tell everybody in the room was fighting to keep their eyes averted, but their curiosity got the better of them. After all, it was a small token of appreciation from everybody.

“Oh, okay. Sure, what is it?” You forced a smile, but below the surface, Ingrid and Alexia could tell there were alarm bells going off in your mind.

“Well it is your birthday, and though you said you don’t want to make a big deal of it, we couldn’t let it go under the radar. This is just something small from all of us.” Patri revealed an envelope in her hand and held it out for you. Your name was written on the front, as well as a huge smiley face.

“You don’t have to open it now, in front of everyone, don’t worry. Look at it in your own time, that’s more than okay.” The midfielder smiled her bright smile at you, squeezing your shoulder before heading back to her cubby. 

It was then that Alexia came over, standing beside you when you turned back to your space.

“Was that alright?” Alexia murmured quietly. Everybody else was back to doing their own thing now, giving you two the privacy you probably needed.

“Yes, just unexpected.” You said, eyes still staring at the yellow envelope.

“I know. Like Patri said, you don’t have to open it now. You can look at it whenever, it’s fine. Okay?” She checked, smiling in relief when you looked up at her and nodded.

“Did you do this?” You wondered. Instantly, there was a redness to her cheeks that couldn’t be blamed on the weather or the training session beforehand.

“I may have played a part in it. But it was the other guys’ idea. I just approved it.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “You showering?”

“Yep. When I get out, I’ll look at it.”

You liked taking your time in the shower post-workout, whether that be training or a game or even just a 5k jog. By the time you got out, most of the team had left. It was just Alexia sat there on her own, scrolling through her phone whilst she waited for you. One of her legs was bouncing up and down, and you weren’t sure if that was a sign of anything or not.

“Ale?” You got her attention as you dropped your towel and training kit down into your locker, now dressed in comfy sweats and a t-shirt.

“Mhm?”

“I’m going to open the envelope now.” You stated shyly. She tried to disguise the excitement on her face, but she didn’t do a great job. It didn’t really help your nerves, but there were worse audiences to do it in front of.

“Absolutely, go for it.”

Shaking hands tore open the paper, revealing a birthday card. What was in it, though, made it much more than just a card.

On both pages inside were personal messages from every member of the team. From Cata, to Irene, to Salma, and even Alexia. From the first one you read, there were tears in your eyes. Alexia could read you well, but she wasn’t perfect yet.

“Amor? Are you not happy?” She asked nervously, coming over to you. You shook your head, only worrying her further, before burying your face in her chest. “I’m so sorry you don’t like it. I’m so so sorry. I-”

“No, I love it. I really, really love it.” 

Every message was personal, not just a generic one. Whether it contained an inside joke or a compliment, you couldn’t have imagined they thought these things about you. They weren’t saying things for the sake of a congratulatory message, or just to come across as kind, they were deeply meaningful and thought-out. From Mapi’s teasing message that was filled with love, to Frido’s reminder of the car park fiasco and how she signed it as ‘cupid’, to Aitana’s that relayed the memory of your first goal, signifying it wasn’t just a special moment for you but for her too. 

You were left speechless. All you could do was read it again and again and again, something you know you’d be doing for the rest of your life. You’d get it framed if it was socially acceptable. 

The idea, no, the fact that these people, Ballon d’Or winners, World Cup winners, Euros winners, the people you held at such a high regard like this. It was almost unimaginable, if it wasn’t written right in front of your eyes. If the months beforehand hadn’t shown you how important it was to be vulnerable and open and honest, this gesture sealed that decision and was all the proof you needed that everything that had led you to this moment, the good and the awful, was undoubtedly worth it. 

You were part of a record breaking team, sure, but it was the people in it that made your personal dreams come true.

“I wrote my message last so that nobody saw me being soft.” Alexia admitted, making you giggle as you read hers. “So you are okay with it?”

“Okay with it? Alexia, this is the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” You said, placing the card down and embracing her tightly. “Thank you. I need to thank everyone, but thank you.” 

“I’m glad.” She whispered. “There was one issue on my behalf though.” 

“What?” You wondered, leaning back and looking up at her with a frown.

“I was too scared to write how I truly felt.” Well fuck, if that didn’t make your heart drop and your stomach churn.

“Ale, what do you mean?” You said quietly, taking a step back from her. She chuckled nervously, scratching the back of her neck.

“I… wanted to write that I love you in it, but I didn’t want to ruin the card.” 

It took a few moments for your mind to settle at that proclamation, but eventually it did. It left Alexia stood there, looking terrified though.

Your first thought, once the commotion had settled in your mind, was that you were utterly in love with her too. You kind of thought you’d known that the day she took care of you when you collapsed in training. Your second thought was, why would that ruin the card?

“Ale, you’re such a dork.” You laughed. Okay, maybe not the best reaction. “You must know that I love you too, right?”

“You do?” Alexia asked in a childlike wonder, as if all her wildest dreams were coming true. “You sure?”

“I feel like I should be the one asking you that.” You said. Any further doubts that began to creep in were immediately cut off when she cradled your face and kissed you. Just like you did to her during your first kiss.

“I love you, cariño, and I will not have you worrying otherwise. I really love you.” Alexia breathed out, as if a weight had lifted from her shoulders.

“I really love you, too.” You stated shyly, gazing up into the eyes you'd come to love, only to see sincerity and mirth swirling in the hazel of her orbs. She wasn't kidding, this wasn't some evil birthday prank, she actually was in love with you.

It certainly wasn't a gift you were expecting, but it topped them all indefinitely. Frankly, it was hard to process. Hard to comprehend. How someone of her stature could love a person like you. But, seemingly so, it would have to be something you came to terms with. Because she was stood before you, professing exactly how she felt, and when she gave such a brave show like that, it'd be cruel to reject her.

Except, there was one question you had.

“Was that the gift that Aitana mentioned?” 

“What? No!” Alexia tutted, rolling her eyes affectionately as you grinned. “Your actual gifts are in the boot of my car, in the cardboard box I told you was full of old Barça kits.”

That wasn't a total lie. In the aforementioned box, there were old kits in there, but they weren't all Barça ones. They were real, match-worn shirts from not only Alexia's collection she'd made over the years, but from Aitana's, and Mapi’s, and a few of Alexia's ex-teammates turned good friends. They ranged from international jerseys, like the USWNT jersey with Christen Press' name and number, as well as one of Christine Sinclair's Canada shirts. Not to mention the array of club kits. There were loads of them, god knows how valuable they all were, but you adored every single one. Your personal favourite was Alexia's old Barça shirt from her first season in 2012, one of your favourite designs from Barcelona as a whole.

The fact that Alexia had listened to your stories of when you were younger where you were crazy for any kind of memorabilia, even going as far as asking her friends for their shirts, was a notion you couldn't begin to understand. To be loved is to be heard, and Alexia had taken that phrase and ran with it. You gazed at each shirt, having laid them out across your bed to send a video to Ingrid (and Aitana, of course), but for a while you just stared at them. 

Alexia stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame with her arms crossed, a proud smile on her face. She knew she had done a good job, but seeing you geek out like you were over them was so endearing, she couldn't help but fall further in love. It was her mission to show you a life of joy and compassion, and in her professional opinion, she'd made a damn good start.

Her love for you was woven through the fabric of the jerseys she had gifted. Your approval of that fact was shown in the way you barely let her out of your hold for the rest of the evening, even as you slept that night. 

The be all and end all of everything was written into the bonds formed with people in the world, and yours with Alexia was enough reason to wake up everyday with a smile on your face and contentment in your heart. The essence of your existence was not limited to the three words of your medical diagnosis, but rather the three words that were whispered in your ear the moment you opened your eyes in the morning and the moment you closed them at night.

Maybe birthdays didn’t have to be so bad after all.

[httpdwaekki]

movie night | s.c. ft b.c.

summary: after a rough day all you wanted was a movie night with your favorite boys, but when they forget it feels like you’re world is crumbling.

wc: 2.1k

warnings: hurt/comfort, fem!reader, gendered terms of endearment (sweet girl, baby girl, etc.), crying, meltdown.

a/n: i kinda got lost in the sauce w this one but week three wooo!!! don’t forget to check out @straykeedz versions!!! i hope you guys enjoy and as always, drink water, eat something, and take ur meds. <3

(i tense switch alot during this, i wrote it half asleep most of the time, i’ll edit it eventually lmao)

my library | bee’s vers | bee | binnie month | fundraiser

(pictures not mine! credit to owners!)

you were having a terrible day, nothing was going right and the only thing keeping you from completely breaking down was the movie night you had planned with your boyfriends.

8 o’clock came and you were all set up in your living room with snacks, blankets and of course wolf chan and dwaekki. you were sat on the couch, barely containing your excitement for the night ahead.

but then 8:15 came and you were still sat there alone, and then 8:20 you decided to send them a gentle reminder.

from sweet girl <3:

hi my loves, i’m all set up for movie night whenever you guys are ready 🖤

but 8:30 rolled around and then 9:00 and by that point you had sent several texts

from sweet girl <3:

i’m assuming you guys are still at the studio, just let me know when you’re on your way! love you guys 🖤

it’s getting kinda late, i hope everything’s okay, love you both very much 🖤🖤

i hope everything’s okay, but it’s getting late so i’m heading to bed, we can do movie night another night, goodnight my loves

now it’s 10:00, you had a terrible day and now the one thing you were looking forward to fell through, you were defeated. at your last texts you moped into your room needing nothing more than your warm bed and comfort movie.

luckily you had already put the snacks away after an hour of waiting realizing they probably forgot. once cozy in bed, you put monsters inc on your tv and pulled the two stuffies to your chest.

it was at this point the realization of what happened hit and you couldn’t stop the breakdown that followed. tears streaming down your face, breathing terribly uneven, and incoherent words falling from your mouth.

“they- they forgot about me.” you whimpered, hugging the plushies impossibly closer to you. the hoodie from changbin that usually helps calm you down, was now just a painful reminder of the two missing people.

you ripped the article of clothing off in an attempt to calm yourself, throwing it across the room. you settled back into the soft mattress, placing the gray and pink plushes to the side, opting for your soft blanket to calm yourself.

luckily after a few minutes your comfort movie had worked it’s magic and you felt yourself relax enough to finally fall into dreamland, tears drying against your skin as you slept.

unbeknownst to you, your boys were scrambling 15 minutes away in the studio. the producers had a habit of locking up their phones during their working hours to limit distractions but unfortunately that caused them to also forget about the plans they made with their favorite girl.

“oh fuck, hyung we gotta go, like now.” changbin shot up out of his chair once he realized the time. they were supposed to be at your apartment 2 hours ago to start movie night. “huh? what, what happened, what’s wrong?” trying to figure out what could’ve pulled such a reaction from the younger boy.

“look at the time,” he points to the time to emphasize his statement. “oh fuck,” the older of the two’s eyes goes as wide a saucers, whipping his head to the former. “we were supposed to be there 2 hours ago.” bin nods his head before moving to shut everything down.

“okay, okay, relax bin, let me save everything, you pack everything up then we can leave, okay?” changbin nods, realizing he’s right, this will all be completely in vain if they lost everything they were working on.

in the midst of gathering their items, changbin finally looks at his phone where he finds all the messages you sent, the last one being sent 15 minutes ago. he quickly texts out a response, hoping you hadn’t fallen asleep yet.

from binbin <3:

princess we’re so so sorry, we got caught up in work, we’re packing and heading to you now. we love you so so much baby. 🩷🩷

he puts his nail in his mouth, gnawing on it anxiously as his leg shakes. after saving all the files and shutting everything down, chan turns back to find a very anxious changbin staring at his phone.

he makes his way next to him, placing his hand on the shaking leg. “hey, what’s going on?” he asks gently. changbin looks up, unshed tears line his soft eyes. “she texted us 11 times.” his breathes, shaking his head, showing him the phone screen.

“and we ignored every single one of them. what if she was hurt? what if something happened? we would’ve never known” he rambles, sending himself further into a spiral.

“hey, hey,” he gently grabs the younger’s cheek, “she’s safe, she’s home in bed asleep,” his thumb slowly stroking his cheek, soothing the anxious man. “we’re going to her now, everything will be okay, okay?” bin nods his head, closing his eyes, letting a stray tear or two run down his cheek.

chan wipes the tears before placing a soft, loving kiss to his temple. “okay, let’s go see our girl.” chan smiles, grabbing his hand pulling him up with him.

once they made it to your apartment (not without breaking a few traffic laws), they let themselves in with the spare key you made them. quickly discarding their shoes, practically running to your room but not without missing the wrapped up snacks in your kitchen or the discarded blanket pile on your couch.

changbin pauses, guilt clutching his heart as he sees your discarded preparations. “come on.” chan quietly ushers, pointing to your room with a quick movement of his head. bin is quick to follow, needing to see you as soon as possible.

chan opens your door, finding a sleeping lump in the middle of your bed and none other than monsters inc playing softly on the screen. that alone told them everything they needed to know but then the thrown hoodie on the floor and two plushies laying next to you instead of clutched to your chest?

they knew they messed up, big time. bin went to rush to you, to wake you up and apologize profusely but chan stops him. “hold on, you might scare her.” bin nods understanding that even though he means well, you were in a very fragile mental state.

the older man carefully sits on the side of your bed, placing a hand to your shoulder. it was only then did he catch a glimpse of the tears stains dried to your chubby cheeks. his breath hitches, causing changbin to look after, catching sight of the same thing, his eyes filling with tears once more.

chan holds out his hand to give him a quick squeeze and a kiss before turning back to the problem at hand. he lays his chin on your shoulder, softly rubbing your arm to coax you awake.

“sweet girl,” he whispers, placing kisses to your shoulder, trying to wake you up as softly as possible. “wake up baby girl.” you slowly come back to consciousness, realizing that there was someone touching you.

you would have been scared if you didn’t recognize the familiar aussie voice. chan sits back as he feels you stir, bin coming to sit beside him, placing a hand to your thigh.. you turn to find your boys looking at you with the softest eyes you’ve ever seen.

you feel the familiar sting behind your eyes but you quickly rub your eyes, masking your tears. “hi” your voice quiet, sleep lacing your voice. “hi sweetheart.” the aussie coos, “hi bunny.” bin whispers, his fingers tracing patterns on your thighs soothing him you.

“we’re sorry baby, we completely lost track of time, and we put our phones away so we didn’t see you texted, we’re just- really sorry bubba.” you nod, willing your tears away before you spoke.

“it’s okay, i understand.” you say lowly, fidgeting with the soft material to keep your composure. but try as you might the two boys knew you all too well.

“no it’s not,” bin finally speaks, causing you to catch a glimpse of him. two streaks shine on his soft cheeks against the glow of the tv, caught your eye. you sit up, moving chan, attempting to reach changbin.

“it’s not okay, we knew we had plans with you today, and not only did we miss it, we ignored you-” you cut him off with a kiss, your hand coming to wipe the wet streaks away. you pull away, your own tears making their way down your chubby cheeks.

“i am upset, but i’m not mad. i just had a bad day and this was the one thing i was looking forward to and it was just the final straw.” pause, sniffling as chan grabs the hand still in your lap.

“i was inconsolable and your hoodie and the stuffies just felt like a reminder of my bad day.” you look down, your hand falling from the soft man’s cheek to your lap, where he grabs your hand. you hear a sniffle, cause your head to shoot up where you find them both with wet streaks on their cheeks.

your lip wobbles as you see your boys upset, you shake your head frantically. before you can even open your mouth, chan shakes his head before moving behind you, pulling you to his chest. binnie moves to sit in chan’s previous position, placing a soothing hand on your thigh.

“do not apologize, you did nothing wrong, us being upset or missing movie night is not your fault, nor is it your problem to fix.” he whispers in your ear, rubbing your soft tummy. your lip wobbles again, dropping your head into your hands as you sob.

bin moves to wrap his arms around you, bringing you to him as best he could with you against chan. they knew you were upset and the best thing for you was to let you cry it out as heart wrenching as your sobs are.

they just hold you as you calm down, binnie rubbing your back, placing kisses to your temple. chan rubbing your tummy, placing kisses to your shoulder.

you pull away once you feel calm enough, wiping your tears as you sniffle. “thank you, both of you, i love you both more than you know.” you give bin a kiss first before turning around as best you could, doing the same to chan.

“come on, let’s get you to sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning, sweet girl, okay?” he pats your tummy, waiting for you to nod your head before moving the blankets to give you space in the middle of the bed. you carefully move over, shivering as you land on the cold side of the mattress.

both boys get up, chan rounding the bed to get to the other side while binnie goes to grab his discarded hoodie. he makes it back to your side as chan sits on the edge of the bed.

“sit it up for me quick bunny. “ he says, kneeling on the bed, scrunching the fabric. you sit up, lifting your arms so he can slip the familiar fabric over your head. once you slide your hands through the sleeves, the hood covering a part of your face.

you give him a cheesy smile before shooting out to wrap your arms around him. he wraps his arms around your shoulders, placing a big kiss to your hood covered head. “mwah!” he plops down next to me, getting comfy under the blankets.

you adjust the hoodie a bit before leaning against the plush pillows. chan lifts up the two stuffies, placing them to your chest, wrapping your arm around them. you smile once again, rolling over to place a big kiss on his cheek.

once you settle back into the bed, they both wrap their arms around you, making you feel safe and secure. “good night bubba, we love you,” chan whispers in your ear before placing a loving kiss to your soft cheek. “so so much bunny.” binnie finishes, placing a kiss to your other cheek.

you melt right into their arms. you get comfortable, turning on your side to face binnie, laying your head on his chest, grabbing chan’s arm to stay around you. “i love you both too, more than you know.” you mumble, placing a kiss to bin’s pec and chan’s hand.

you all melt into each other, relaxing slowly as sleep welcomes you, the soft sounds of monsters inc playing as you all lay peacefully in each other’s arms.

[lexirosewrites]

Slick Sunday my beloved

Sorry if this makes no sense, it made sense in my head :)

Think how Steve’s parents are especially shitty and just doesn’t come home for Christmas anymore. And O!Steve knows himself well enough to know that spending Christmas alone = drop that no one can help him out of because he practically lives alone. To fix this Steve, the good dude that he is, volunteers to sit with patients at the hospital who’s family have to leave or can’t get there. He just want to take care of people and make sure no one is alone at Christmas the way he is. So he sits there and he talks to them and he just keeps them company (the old ladies love him).

Anyway a couple of days ago A!Wayne had a fall while working at the plant and while he’s certainly not a week man he did hit his head and arm badly and they needed to keep him for a few days to make sure nothing went wrong. Earlier that week he sent A!Eddie away to visit his aunt in Kentucky for Christmas so he’s kind of alone right now. One of the nurses ask if he want a volunteer to visit him on Christmas Day and he agrees because why the hell not (if they’re rude he can just ask them to leave).

Christmas Day comes and Wayne is a little shocked when a young guy walks in and presents himself as Steve Harrington. Everyone knows the harringtons are pretentious dickheads so he’s a little suspicious. But then Steve starts talking. And asking questions about Wayne and Eddie and the trailer park and suddenly hours has passed. Wayne asks if Steve can come back tomorrow and he agrees, this time he also brings cake. Wayne asks about Steve’s family once and get sad look in reply. That is the moment Wayne thinks to himself ”I already adopted one pup, what’s one more?”

A week later Eddie comes back and walks into to the trailer to see his uncle with his arm in a sling and steve ”prettiest omega in Hawkins” Harrington standing at the stove cooking dinner. He has a very small meltdown and after Wayne explains who Steve is and why he’s there Eddie has another very small meltdown. This is fine, he can handle very pretty nice omega Steve being in their trailer (he cannot). Then Steve turns around and he’s wearing an apron and one of eddies Dio T-shirts (he spilled sauce over his polo) and at this point Eddie is fully planning a wedding in his head. when they’re cleaning up Steve asks Eddie if he could maybe tell him a bit about dnd because ”the kids I babysit really like it” and eddies very logical response to this is

”Will you please have my babies”

Steve blushes, Wayne laughs and Eddie dies of embarrassment.

”Can we at least court first?”

Steve blushes more but he’s also smiling as he says this. Wayne looks like he planned this all along (maybe he did). And at this point Eddie is pretty sure he’s hallucinating but he’ll take what he can get and just tackles Steve to the floor to scent him for the first (of many) times.

Hope you like it. Anyways love your work!!!

woohoo instant love steddie is a treasure! thank you for playing along with my slick sunday challenge too!🥰🎁☃️🎄❄️

[horrorsboyfrie]

Loser!Zandik being crushed on by Popular!Reader

(masc terms on reader+ it's the typical corny social butterfly × weirdo shit, queer edition, honestly + Zandik displays traits of autism + a little murderous♡)

Zandik, as per usual, was spending the night's time in the library. It was quiet, for the most part. While a lot of his fellow peers were focused on finding answers for their own satisfaction, even those who viewed their values and research to be above everyone else's had someone to keep them company; for that reason, they often chose to borrow the necessary books and study in their respective dorms, or the dorms of their friends. Some did indeed prefer the setup of the library's sections and desks, but even so, the peaceful atmosphere was not interrupted by them.

Zandik sat on a table at the very ends of the room. He had a pile of books to his right; some half opened, and others neatly stack on top of each other. He had his notebook and pens nearby, taking notes of anything he deemed crucial knowledge for his personal projects.

Not long had he been entangled in his theories when a specific group of students decided to make an appearance. They could be heard from miles away— and it just so happened that they chose to sit on a table to his right. Malicious intent, no doubt. These people tended to act as if Zandik was some foreign species to be studied; as if he was a sort of a subject that needed constant supervision.

Of any day to endure the constant speculations and disgusted or concerned expressions towards him, today was not the right one. Nothing too horrific had happened to him, not something that would matter to an average person, at least. It's just that he slept wrong, causing him to wake up with slight neck pain, which played a role in worsening his already short temper, which in turn made his sensory issues towards his clothes, especially his socks, far more insufferable than they had to be. He was one unexpected move away from having a meltdown.

Yet again, he managed to ignore the obnoxiously loud 《whispers》 that sprouted out of those filthy rat-filled mouths of theirs, as Zandik's already-overwhelmed mind decided to call them.

Unfortunately for him, the multiple different voices started chanting even more nonsense as you walked towards the table— he could see that you were dreading it. Was everyone so damn bothered by his existence? You were known to be such a sweetheart— contrast to majority of boys there— by those who've interacted with you, but to be fair, none had a reputation quite like Zandik's, so it's no wonder you resented him, as everyone else did.

"Why'd we have to sit here?" he heard you emphasize. He looked your way; he could see the grins on the faces of your friends, the way they seemed to be picking on someone, hushed whispers, mentioning his name time after time, as if he wasn't barely three chairs away. Gods, his patience was running thin.

"Can we just switch seats?" He listened as you practically begged your friend, who was sitting on the complete opposite end of the table. As much as he may have claimed (to himself, seeing as he had none to actually confide in) not be a man driven by emotion, his worse sensory days were tempt to be a catastrophe in every way possible. He left soon after he heard those mumbles; he was too sensitive for his own good, even if he dismissed that fragile soul of his with walls of anger and apathy.

Your friends seemed to notice before you, the fact that he was no longer in the room. All you got was endless teasing about how you've missed your chance or about the fact that you probably 《intimidated》 him. Bullshit, no? You sighed as the group split up again, each going ahead to do their own thing. The only true reason they decided to meet up here was to force you into talking to him. That did not quite work out, it seems.

You hurried to leave as well, when you noticed a small pen on the ground. That must be his; you always see him writing with that specific shade of blue. It's not like nobody else in the whole Akademiya owned the same one, but he was sitting on the table you found it under. You decided to hold on to it. Perhaps it would be an opportunity to finally have a conversation with the guy!

On your way back to the dorms, you noticed him nearing his own room. Maybe now's the time to return him his belongings— especially considering how he seemed to be searching his pockets. His face was indifferent when he realized he didn't have the pen on him, but his hands were trermbling; a hint of anxiety perhaps? One could only speculate. You decided to leave him on his own. He probably wasn't up for company or conversation anyway.

The following few days weren't quite like you expected. Usually, you'd manage to get at least a glance your way by him; laughing at stupid jokes, bumping into people or objects that you could have easily avoided, accidentally saying things a bit too loud. Nothing worked this time. It's as if he purposefully was avoiding you; a fact that got confirmed after you tried walking towards him. He saw you—he made sure you saw his look, he held it for a couple of seconds— and then he walked away. Fuck, there's no way this guy wants anything to do with you.

Weeks later, you had grown to forget ever owning that pen of his; actually, you started using it for yourself. If you can't give it back, then why not use it for yourself?

Zandik, despite trying his hardest to keep his stares away from you and your friends (and pretty much everyone else in that damned building), couldn't help but notice that his long-gone favorite pen is under your possession.

After the very last class of the day, he decided to give you a visit; your fate had been decided by him already. He's done what he's done in the Eleazar hospital and got away with it. It wouldn't be hard to add another body into the endless pile of disappearances; he knew how to keep suspicion off his shoulders.

Perhaps it was a bit too far. He was letting his rage get the better of him; but gods, he really hadn't felt at ease writing with anything else. "His death would make no logical sense to my goals," he sighed as he reminded himself. "What sort of researcher puts his emotions above his values?" He groaned— frustrated both at himself for considering such a solution to his problems, and at the situation itself.

Times like these, he'd go to his special place to sit and think; it was a big tree, near a lake. Children would often talk about their encounters with the Aranara there. At first, he only ever visited that place so he could find one creature and take it for himself, but he grew quite comfortable being there.

He grabbed the opportunity by its hand once he spotted you all alone; sitting with your back against that very same tree that he favored. As if you had a seventh sense, you turned around to see him. He wasn't quite prepared to be greeted with a smile. It caught him off guard; why were you, of all people, showing any form of sympathy for him?

"I was hoping you'd be here" you said, handing him the pen that he has been desperately trying to get a hold of again.

[tonysbed]

million noises | OP81

Oscar Piastri x fem!reader

!AUTISTIC READER!

Summary: You have a meltdown at the paddock but your boyfriend comes to the rescue

warnings: meltdown, crying , oscar is so sweet AHG

a/n: more oscar autistic!reader coming your way this week ☝️ Also not proofread 👹

mental health masterlist | main masterlist

Oscar Piastri glanced at her as they walked through the Formula One paddock. The vibrant energy of the place was something he loved, but he knew it could be overwhelming for her. She had always been open about her autism, and he admired her strength in navigating new and challenging environments.

You were doing your best to keep up with Oscar's enthusiastic explanations of the day's events. You weren’t really into Formula One, but you loved seeing Oscar's eyes light up whenever he talked about it. Over the past few months, you had slowly started to appreciate the sport more, if only because it was such a big part of his life.

Today, however, the paddock was especially crowded and loud. Reporters, fans, and team members seemed to be everywhere at once, and the constant noise of engines and chatter filled the air. You could feel your anxiety building. Your fingers twitched at your sides, longing for the comforting feel of your stim toys that were tucked away in Oscar’s bag.

As they approached the McLaren garage, the noise and activity became too much.Y/n‘s breaths became shallow, and she felt a wave of panic wash over her. She squeezed Oscar's hand tightly, her eyes wide with distress.

Oscar immediately noticed. "Hey, it's okay," he said softly, guiding her to a quieter corner behind the garage. "Let's take a moment."

But the sounds and sensations were too overwhelming, and your panic escalated into a full meltdown. She sank to the ground, tears streaming down her face, her hands shaking uncontrollably.

Oscar knelt beside her, his heart aching to see her in such distress. He quickly reached into his bag and pulled out her noise-canceling headphones and favorite stim toy—a soft, squishy ball she loved. He gently placed the headphones over her ears, and handed her the toy.

"Sweetheart, I'm here. Focus on the toy and breathe with me," he said softly, his voice calm and steady.

You clutched the stim toy, squeezing it rhythmically as she tried to match Oscar's deep, slow breaths. The noise-canceling headphones muted the overwhelming sounds of the paddock, allowing her to slowly regain control.

You hated when this happened, feeling as if Oscar had to walk on eggshells around you. His finger tangled into yours “Okay?” You hummed and slowly slipped off the headphones, noises not as overstimulating anymore.

He helped you up to your feet “Baby, you wanna stay in my driver room? You can watch from there” You sigh, hoping you didn’t have to “Come on. It will be alright.”

He led you to his driver room, setting everything up, getting you snacks and drinks. He gently kissed your temple “How about we take the side entrance next time to avoid all these people, hm?”

“But what about the content and-“ He shushed you “I’ll talk to Zak. Lando has enough spotlight so it won’t even be that noticeable”

You nod “Okay, be safe” He smiled “Always for you” You quickly pecked his lips before he had to go and race.

Not the longest but..hope it’ll do 💃☝️

[russellsppttemplates]

A blurb for Max Verstappen where he does his best to keep you and the kids away from the Drive to Survive netflix crew but wants you around the new docuseries being filmed about Max and his life off the track

"Netflix people are going to be in our garage tomorrow morning", Max said as he came out of the ensuite bathroom, careful with the noise he was making as the kids were in the living room area of the hotel room, the sofas turning into beds so they could sleep near you still despite the half wall that created a sense of separation between the spaces.

"So we'll just join you for the afternoon then", you added, showing him your understood what he meant, "have you spoken to them about us not wanting their faces shown in the show? You know how they sometimes record the paddock and other people show. I know it's inevitable sometimes, mas maybe blurr it out or something", you tried.

"Yes, I spoke to them this morning. They seemed understanding enough, although there was the usual comment of why and if they could do this or that", Max shrugged, getting in the bed next to you, "what did you tell them?", you wondered.

"Didn't let them get too far. They already know where we stand with you and the kids showing up, so there's not need to beat around the bush again and again. They're butthurt because you appear on the docuseries, but it sounds like it's a their problem and not ours, so I'm not too fussed. And neither should you be", he smiled, kissing your cheek and letting you snuggle up to him.

.

"Are you ready, Y/N?", one of the producers asked as they arranged the camera on your car so it could catch both you and the person asking the questions.

"I'm going to pick up the kids from school now, they're at a very good age now where it's not hard getting them to leave the house in the morning because they love going to school, but also not too hard to get them to leave school because they also love being at home and know they'll see their friends tomorrow", you chuckled, remembering Finn's tantrum when you wanted to take him home and he wanted to stay in school because he wanted to keep paying with his friends whose parents were running a little bit late to pick them up too.

"Is it hard juggling all of this with Max being away for some good chunks of time every now and again?", she asked as you stopped at a red light.

"It isn't as hard as before", you reasoned, "when they were younger and their needs were different, I relied a lot on my mother in law and my parents whenever Max wasn't home, which was really mostly weekends because he arranged the schedule and RedBull made it work. But now they're older and they're at a stage where they are a little bit more independent and, honestly, we just take each day as it comes and go from there", you smiled.

"How is parenting along with Max?", she wondered, "you know, there are many moments in parenting where you think 'this is definitely not the way we should do this but it works for now so we just stick to it' - and you really hope for the best in these cases -, but last week we both went to a parent-teacher meeting and both teachers said that the kids were doing well, they were kind, empathetic, respectful. - And what is there more to ask, you know? - we both got out of the meeting and we're like 'yeah, this parenting thing is going just fine',", you smiled, "obviously, we got home to our little girl having a meltdown about not being able to fly, but really? It's an amazing journey parenting with Max, even when he has to tell our daughter that that's not something humans do and let her mourn a capacity she never had", you chuckled.

(Thank you for your submission ✨️)

[kaliforniahigh]

my kink is karma - part. 2 - n.s.

This is the second part to "casual". The title is yet another Chappell Roan song :D

Warnings: Some self-deprecating talk, Folio plays a little bit of a matchmaker, they talk about their feelings, curse words and angst with a happy ending (I'm a sucker for happy endings).

WC: 3.367

It's comical, bridges you burn If karma's real, hope it's your turn

The tension in the air after yours and Noah's argument was palpable. You haven't talked to him since your argument, but it didn't take a genius to notice he wasn't behaving like himself lately.

You, on the other hand, was just waiting for this tour to be over. You've been treating this job exactly like what it is. A job. You kept a friendly relationship with everyone, but the outings to bars or restaurants were kept to a minimum.

Bryan sensed something was up when you asked him to show Noah the pictures you took, for him to select the ones he liked the most, instead of showing him yourself.

You kept in contact with Liam, contrary to what Noah insinuated, your interactions were strictly professional, since Liam had a long-term girlfriend that he mentioned to you the first time you talked. Showing you some pictures he took of her in an outdoor setting.

You could've told Noah this, but seeing him angry and out of his wits at the idea of you dating or seeing someone else was more entertaining for you. You guess you just wanted him to feel a little bit of what you felt when he took those girls to his hotel room.

Nick did tell you though that these past few weeks Noah hasn't even tried to flirt or take girls back to his room, and mentioned that he should check "if his friend was ok". You wondered if you were the only one who never realized Noah was a player.

You guess that doesn't matter now. Liam has called you a few days ago, since you've mentioned to him that tour was wrapping up soon, he wanted to ask if you would accept the invitation of touring with him and the band he worked for, and you were considering it.

You're familiar here, and meeting new people and getting used to a new setting was going to be challenging. But you also knew you couldn't keep going like this. You always took pride in having a great relationship with everyone, and now you felt like you were drifting further and further apart from them.

You knew they considered you their friends, but the truth is: they're Noah's friends. And you could and would never come between that.

It's hot when you have a meltdown In the front of your house and you're getting kicked out It's hot when you're drinking downtown And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth

Nick knew he shouldn't pry, especially not when Noah was on the verge of being too drunk. But two of his best friends were fighting and he knew neither one of them were going to come out and say anything. Besides, he knew Noah lacked a filter when he was intoxicated, so this was his best chance.

Tour was wrapping up this week, so this was the last opportunity for the band and crew to go out together. After all is over, everyone ends up going their own way and it gets difficult to organize something.

Nick was waiting for the best opportunity to talk to Noah, and at some point during the night, they found themselves alone at the table.

"So, Y/N didn't wanna come out tonight", Nick started, mentioning your name right out the gate, not wanting to waste too much time. He saw Noah's shoulder tense.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised", his friend answered, taking another sip of his alcoholic beverage.

"Do you know what could've happened? She used to go out with us all the time", Nick played dumb, not wanting to give away that he could tell you two obviously had something going on.

"I don't know man, maybe she's too busy talking to Liam or whatever", so Noah was jealous, that much he could tell. Nick knew about Liam because you've mentioned him in conversation a couple of times.

"Why would she be busy talking to Liam in the middle of the night? Besides, they're on different timezones", Nick fished for more information.

"I guess she liked the attention she was receiving", Noah said and shrugged his shoulders, trying to look unbothered by the situation, but ultimately failing.

"I see", Nick pondered. Finally, he decided to put his friend out of his misery "you know he has a girlfriend, right? I think Y/N mentioned they've been together for 7 or 8 years or something", Nick said and waited for a reaction. Noah's eyes widened visibly in surprise and he looked in Nick's direction.

"No, I didn't know that", he sounded defeated, as he let the realization sink in.

"So whatever you guys have going on, if it's because Y/N has been talking to Liam, you can cut it out, because there's nothing happening there", Nick saw Noah sigh out loud and run his hands over his face. He expected him to be relieved, but he looked exasperated?

"Noah, this is everything that happened, right?", Nick was suddently worried about his reaction.

"I might have been a dick to Y/N", Noah was looking down at his drink, stirring it uselessly.

"What do you mean?", it was Nick's turn to look and sound exasperated. Maybe he bit off more than he could chew.

"Look, Y/N and hooked up a few times, and...", he began explaining, but Nick cut him off "By hooked up you mean you've kissed, or something more?", he has an inkling feeling that this was so much more.

"I mean we've had sex a few times", he paused, but continued when Nick didn't say anything "it wasn't anything serious, but I might have lost my cool when I saw her talking to Liam at that festival", he at least looked guilty saying this.

"If it wasn't anything serious then why did you lose your cool?" Nick asked the million dollar question.

"I don't know. I think I didn't like seeing her with that guy?", Noah was having a hard time explaining himself. Nick always knew his friend wasn't good with expressing his feelings. And that worried him, because there was no telling what he could've said to you.

"And what happened after that for you guys to stop talking?", Nick was getting to the bottom of this, even if he didn't like it. And it seemed like Noah needed someone to talk to anyway. He could tell the conversation sobered up the boy quite a bit.

"I kinda confronted her about it?"

"And how did you do that?", by the looks of it, he was gonna have to pry the information out of him. He felt like a parent mediating a fight between two kids.

"I wasn't the nicest, ok? I already know that and I already feel like absolute shit about it", Nick wasn't gonna ask again, so they sat in silence until Noah conjured up the courage to say what he needed to say.

"I insinuated that Liam was only interested in her in order to get her into bed. And then I proceeded to tell her that I didn't think she would be so easy". Noah said this with venon in his voice, directed at himself. Saying it out loud again only heightend the weight of his words. And this somehow made him feel even worse.

"What the fuck, Noah? Why the fuck would you say that?", Nick said with anger in his voice.

"Have you seem this Liam guy? He's probably gone to a nice college, just like her. He probably doesn't have attachment issues. He probably doesn't need therapy to talk about his feelings. I freaked out, ok? It was clear from the beggining that Y/N and I could never work. So I decided that having a little bit of her was better than having none of her". Noah could feel the tears stinging his eyes. Letting out the thoughts in his head felt a little liberating, but it didn't make him feel better about the way he treated you.

"You don't get to decide if Y/N deserves you or not. That was her decision to make. And you shouldn't have jumped to conclusions with her and Liam", Nick knew that this was obvious, but maybe the obvious still needed to be said.

"I don't think that matters now. I don't see how I could fix this. Tour is ending and I bet she'll never want to see my face again"

"And if that happens, you at least owe her an apology", Nick patted him on the back and asked Noah if he wanted another drink, he said no, so Nick left him with his own thoughts.

Oh, God And it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around Yeah, it's coming around, oh, God Oh, God

This was one of those things you couldn't get away from. Mainly because everyone has been planning this since before the tour even started. Also because it's already been paid for, and you don't like your money going to waste.

Camping was never your favorite activity. You despised insects and couldn't understand why people left their comfy beds to sleep in tents and sleeping bags. But back then, Noah promised to make you as many roasted marshmallows as you wanted, and you pretended to say yes just because of that. As if you wouldn't jump at the opportunity to spend more time with him. Now you were cursing yourself.

You were unaware of the conversation Nick had with Noah before tour ended, and how much he knew about what transpired between you two. So you thought nothing of the conversation you were having with him, as the boys grilled some burgers for dinner.

"I kind of have something to tell you", you were nervous to make this official. "Since tour ended and everything, I don't see why hide this anymore"

Nick thought you were finally opening up to him about your adventures and fall out with Noah. He would soon find out he was very mistaken as he told you to go on.

"You know how I've been talking to Liam right?", he nodded "recently he asked me if I wanted to tour with him. To have a different experience and all that", you kicked a pebble next to your feet. Nick was looking directly at you, but you didn't have the heart to look back at him. "I've been thinking about saying yes".

"You're leaving us?", this prompted you to lift your head.

"C'mon Nick, this tour was just an experiment. I don't know for sure if you guys will want me back. I need to have something lined up for me". And that was true. You were only thinking about your next steps.

"I thought it was clear we wanted you next tour as well?", Nick genuinely sounded confused and it broke your heart. You didn't know what to say anymore. "Is this about you and Noah?", he asked and you froze the second the words left his lips.

"What do you mean?", you tried to gauge how much he knew.

"I think you know what I mean. I could tell there was something different between you two. I had to find out what it was. So I kind of cornered Noah one night and he told me", you huffed in annoyance.

"What else did he tell you? That I'm easy and fall into bed with everyone that comes asking?"

"No, but he did tell me that he basically told you that", Nick said and you were honestly surprised at this. It was very difficult for Noah to admit to his mistakes. "I'm not defending him, because I already told him what he needed to hear from me. But I think you guys should talk before we leave"

"We'll see about that", you gave him a little sideways smile, trying to be noncommittal about this.

"It doesn't matter if you're with us or working for a different band. I know you'll kill it anyways. But keep in mind that we like having you close"

"Thank you, Nick", you showed him your gratitude.

"I'll see if those goofs need any help", you looked back at the boys and saw Matt threatening Jolly with the tongs, opening and closing them, as if he was trying to get his head. You laughed at this as Nick excused himself.

Dinner went by and soon you were all sitting by the fire, attempting to tell scary stories, but everyone was laughing and calling out loop hopes in each other's tales, turning the situation from scary to funny.

You were roasting some marshmallows here and there. You were never good at this, so it either came out burnt or the thing melted entirely and fell into the fire. You gave up at some point and just sat there, with the stick in your hand, poking the floor aimelessly.

Seconds later, Nick poked you on the side, handing you a stick with two marshmallows roasted perfectly on the top. You gave him a puzzled look, but he just tilted his head to Noah, who was sat beside him. He gave you a barely there smile, and nodded in acknowledgment. The marshmallows kept coming thoughout the night without you having to ask for them. He did promise you to roast you as many as you wanted after all.

Not too long after, everyone was excusing themselves to their tents. The long drive here had everyone yawning. You were not much better, so you decided to do the same.

A soon as your head hit the pillow, thoughts swam through your mind. The conversation with Nick was supposed to be simple. You were pretty much dead set on saying yes to Liam. Now you weren't so sure anymore.

You knew you needed to talk to Noah at some point. You figured that him giving you marshmallows was his way of extending you an olive branch. He was there if you ever wanted to talk. You did miss him and what you had before everything went to shit.

Huffing and deciding that as much as you wanted, sleep wouldn't find you so easily tonight, so you opened your tent to step outside. Maybe meditating or some breathing exercises would relax you enough.

Standing on your feet and stretching your limbs, you noticed Noah still sat at the wooden bench everyone was at earlier. You debated slipping inside your tent again, but he was already looking at you. There was no turning back now.

You also debated sitting somewhere else, but didn't want to make things even more akward, so you sat on the other end of the bench. A few minutes passed by before he spoke up.

"Can't sleep?", he asked.

"No, too much on my mind", you didn't know if you were ready for this, but you had to be.

"I talked to Nick the other day", he glanced at you, but you kept a neutral expression.

"Yeah, he told me about that", your hands were picking on loose strands of your sweater.

"Listen, I'm not gonna make any excuses. I owe you an apology. You don't have to accept it, but I have to tell you how sorry I am for what I said to you", he sat sideways now, looking directly at you. "So I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. I should've delt with my anger instead of taking it out on you"

"I just don't understand why you were so angry? Why Liam and I talking led you to said that", you did have an idea, but you wanted him to tell you. Noah has been going over this conversation in his head for days. He decided that it doesn't matter the outcome, he was going to be honest with you.

"I shouldn't have invited you to my hotel room that first night. I knew this was going to end like this. I thought I could get a grip on my feelings, but I was very mistaken. I was selfish and I hurt you in the process", you tried to pretend that that first part didn't hurt you, so you decided to focus on the end of his speech. You appreciated the honesty regardless of how it made you feel.

"What feelings?"

"The feelings that I have for you. I think I've had them since Bryan introduced you to us for the first time. Thinking back on it now, how could I not have feelings for you? Not only are you a great protographer, but you're also an amazing and kind girl. And I'm just the good looking guy who sings in a band", he said, with a shrug of his shoulders. You didn't like the way he talked about himself.

"I don't think you're just a good looking guy who sings in a band, you're so much more than that and it's such a shame you don't realize it", you tried to get your point across. "I know that you didn't mean what you said back in that tour bus. Mainly because I know you, and you're not a mean person. But you really need to communicate better with the people around you"

"I know. Maybe then I would've known that Liam has a girlfriend, right?", he smiled at this.

"Exactly", you smiled back. "It hurt me a lot when you kept giving attention to other girls after we slept together. I guess I just felt like another notch on your belt", you made yourself a little smaller after admitting to this, but decided to be honest with him the same way he was being with you.

"I never slept with them. Sometimes we didn't even take the elevator up to my floor because I just told them it wasn't gonna work. It just didn't feel right and my head wasn't in the right place", this did make you feel incredibly better.

"Well then, I guess I could've communicated better myself. Maybe then I would've known this, instead of wallowing in pity", this time was your turn to smile and poke a little fun at the situation.

"I gave you the wrong idea, I'm sorry about that", there was a moment of pause before he contined "I understand if nothing can happen between us now, after all of this. But it would be great if you came back for another tour, you really do an amazing job, and I don't want my behavior to jeopardize that", you sighed at this, now was the time to tell him.

"I've had an offer from another band to go on tour with them", you looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. His face fell and the somewhat relaxed look he kept on his face throughout your conversation, morphed into one of resignation.

"Oh, that's great. You're gonna be amazing regardless", he tried to be supportive of your decision, but his voice gave him away.

"I'm not going", his eyebrows shot up at this. "Just being here tonight, with everyone, made me realize that I'm not ready to leave this behind. Besides, I think I'll miss you too much", he gave you the biggest smile at this and you could see a little rosy tint to his cheeks.

"I would miss you terribly", he said back. You were now sat closer together, drifting towards each other during your conversation. "Tell me if this is overstepping or if I'm too soon, but I would love to take you out on a date when we get back home. I think we started this a little backwards", you could sense the hesitantion in his voice.

"I would love to go on a date with you", you offered your hand for him to take, interlacing your fingers together, reveling in the way his totally encompassed yours.

"Thank you for giving us another chance", his voice conveyed honesty, glad you didn't decide to just kick him to the curb entirely.

"You really don't give yourself enough credit. I think I would do anything you asked me if you were nice enough", and it was true. After your argument you knew you would forgive him if he had a good enough excuse. Deep down, you were hoping that woudn't be the end for you two.

You rested your head on his shoulder, you sensed a little bit of hesitation from him, until you took one of his arms and put it over your shoulders, feeling his hand mess with the ends of your hair. You felt content and finally at ease.

Thank you everyone who requested a part 2! Hope you enjoyed this :D

[drdemonprince]

the porn addiction anon made me think to ask, do you have an opinion on viewing self-harm behaviors as an addiction?

i personally have found it to be a helpful way of looking at my relationship with it and fairly accurate to my experience with urges and tolerances etc, and i don't personally care whether it's ever officially considered an addiction or not, but i am curious about the conversation about it and your opinion if you have one.

thank you for reading this and if you respond, thank you for your response!

I think that the 'addiction' frame for self-harm can make the most sense if you're personally on board with a goal of abstinence -- but I would still caution against it somewhat, as research generallly suggests that when a person views a behavior pattern as being caused by an 'addiction' they are less likely to feel that they have agency over it, and are more likely to experience shame when they experience relapses.

What I find most appealing and helpful in understanding self-harm, both for myself and others, is to appreciate the multiple needs that the self-harm typically satisfies. This can be things like providing an endorphin rush, distracting from a disturbing situation, a physical outlet for emotional pain, a means of conveying to others that you are suffering, a source of stimulation, a means of grounding oneself within one's body, an intense enough sensation to shock you out of dissociation, a way to burn off excess energy, an acceptable outlet for one's anger, a way to take control over one's own body, a means of accessing privacy, a means of expressing a meltdown or any number of other things.

When we can see that self-harm is beneficial and sensible in several key ways, it's easier to view it as just one option among many for meeting a person's needs -- and sometimes it might be the best option! Appreciating what self-harm meaningfully does for us allows us to make clearer decisions about what is lacking or painful for us in life at the moment, and minimizing the unwanted damage caused by it. This framing also centers the self-harming person as having the authority to determine what is best for their own life, even while honoring that they might require support getting their needs satisfied.

For example, I used to look down on my excessive exercise habit as solely an eating disorder symptom, one that I was "addicted" to and shamefully couldn't shake. But any time I tried to force myself to not exercise the way I wanted to, I felt cranky, pent up, resentful, stressed, and was actually prone to more damaging forms of self-harm.

It was only after reading more about harm reductionist approaches to eating disorders that I figured out that the long walks I love to go on are not *only* a means of purging, though that is how they began -- they also provide me a needed energy valve, a space to meditate and daydream, an excuse to get away from people when I'm feeling trapped, and a daily obligation that for many years prevented me from overworking, because it consumed up so much time in my day.

I was most prone to long, long, longgg walks that bordered on physically damaging when I was trapped in a house that was not emotionally safe to me, completely overwhelmed with stress due to school and work, and unaware of the sensory and energy-expenditure needs related to my neurodivergence. Now that I'm in a better situation, I still need to exercise almost every day to keep my anxiety and rage even somewhat at bay, but I don't need to do it for *hours*, and I'm making my body stronger rather than weakening myself. I have other ways of addressing my sensory needs, seeking privacy, finding stimulation, and so on. Compared to others I can still seem a bit compulsively physical, exercising even when I am sick, and when I can't work exercise into my daily schedule I do get fucking irate -- but really, what's the problem? It doesn't really qualify as self-harm anymore.

The same logic works on most of the other forms of self-harm I have exhibited, too, from seeking out abusive relationships to reading transphobic hate forums. I did those things because I was completely emotionally blunted, depressed, isolated, and craving stimuli that reinforced my existing self-hatred. And those forms of self-harm intellectually engaged me, filled me with excitement, and shocked my system in ways both good and bad. I'm glad I don't do that shit anymore mostly, but it didn't get better because I realized I was "addicted" to self-harming or anything like that. I had to work on addressing the unmet need.

I hope that others who view self-harming differently will sound off in the notes, because I do think the forms my self-harm has taken are significantly different from things like cutting, burning, etc, and what works for me won't work for everybody else. For the most part I have only physically struck myself when I'm in the midst of a meltdown, so that form of self-injury hardly even ranks as "self harm" to me because it's not really intentional.

[a-sound-sol]

LoV x Autistic!Reader headcanons!

m. list

Shigaraki

his best skill is listening to you infodump. he'll play video games while still actively listening and responding to you because he knows that's how you show your love

times all your meltdowns and tracks the triggers too

he thinks you look cutest when you're in your comfy, tagless pajamas and will make sure that you know important it is to him that you're in a sensory friendly environment

if anyone in public starts to make fun of you for carrying your comfort item around, he will decay them without hesitation.

Dabi

he tries so hard to make sure the temperature is perfect for you. he knows how overstimulated you get when it's too hot or too cold.

won't hesitate to take hold of your hands and arms if you start to exhibit self injury behavior. he'd rather you hurt him than yourself.

lets you fidget with his piercings even though he knows it's a bad idea. if you really need it, he's got you. he's always got you.

the minute you say you're done, he's got you in his arms and you're headed home - even if it's mid battle.

he will burn any tags off your clothes - sometimes burning the clothes themselves on accident - but you don't care. you think it's sweet.

Twice

he will literally be whatever you need. he'll use his quirk to guard you if you're having a meltdown, so you're safe from all sides

he gives the best mindless cuddles when you're feeling overwhelmed but don't have the words

makes sure that you're safe all the time - sends like 30 texts a day

will always make sure that you know you can always say no to a mission or a trip. it's your choice, and if shigaraki has an issue with it, he will take the heat.

Toga

oh you are her ANGEL!!!! She soothes you whenever you're having a meltdown

she'll tell you stories to distract you and play with your hair too, scratching your scalp because you love that

keeps you safe at all costs, public or private. you are her favorite, and anyone who makes you feel unwelcome or unsafe is her number one enemy.

keeps your blood in a heart shaped vial not even to use it, but because she loves having a bit of you around.

Spinner

literally ends up hyperfixating on half of your special interests

quality time is everything to him, so he’ll sit with you while you basically do anything just to body double for you!

makes sure that you know you’re safe when your body tells you you’re not

he buys you something related to either a safe food item or a sensory friendly clothing item everytime he goes out because he wants to make sure you never feel any amount of discomfort

Compress

he checks in FREQUENTLY. You always get a text after he leaves and while he’s gone and when he’s on his way home and-

He will marble you if people start to overstimulate you, then he’ll bring you home immediately and start to make you tea!!

he’s one to tell you how beloved you are and that anyone who’s cruel to you will be disposed of immediately

You’re his world. He makes sure that you’re aware of that every single chance he gets. Endless cuddles!!!!

Kurogiri

hey, if you need out of a crowd? He’s got you for sure!!!

there’s a little shirakumo there too so he’s extra careful with you when you’re struggling (:

He wants to protect you, he feels the same draw to you as he feels with shigaraki

basically will do anything to keep you away from anything that may harm you, even yourself <3

Magne

she will also kill anyone who hurts you or vaguely looks at you wrong

always tells the rest of the league to leave you alone when she sees you overstimulated or even close to feeling uncomfortable

supports you being your most authentic and real self!! Never wants you to mask (:

helps you explore your identity while making you feel safe and comfortable!!!

[nurse-floyd]

In His Arms

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Warnings: mentions of autistic meltdowns, sensory overload etc.

This is my own personal experience with autism, there is no one universal experience blah blah (you know the drill)

This one is for my (grateful) anon and @faithshouseofchaos

Taglist: @bibissparkles @vivwritesfics

You loved going to work with Danny, you loved seeing the cars, seeing your friends and being there to support him. You were used to the noise of the paddock but sometimes that noise became too much.

Being autistic sucked, well you were used to it, being all you'd known and with Danny who loved you regardless and did anything he could to accommodate you, you'd learned to love yourself again. That didn't mean you still didn't have your struggles.

Tiredness and jet lag meant that today was one of those days and despite your boyfriend being by your side, the noise of the paddock as cameras and media set up and engineers worked on cars, people squeezing by you and bumping into you; it all got too much. 

Despite your best efforts, none of your coping mechanisms the pair of you had come up with seemed to be working. You tried to focus on taking deep even breaths but that you made you hyperaware of your body and frustrated you. Then you tried to focus on the weight of the fidget in your hand and counting your steps as you walked through the VCARB hospitality tent and focussed on just getting somewhere quieter. You’d only just felt comfortable enough to use the fidgets in public, hating bringing attention to yourself but Danny was so reassuring over the matter, quite literally threatening to tell anyone to ‘eat shit’ who dared say anything. The other drivers didn't seem to mind much either, in fact you'd had one or two fidgets stolen by Lando and Max in the past which you knew you were never getting back.

Days like this sucked. Danny was busy, this was his job, of course he was and you didn’t want to interrupt him with his busy schedule. But, no matter how busy he was, he always kept an eye on you when you were in the paddock. He knew you better than you knew yourself and was able to spot the signs of overwhelm and sensory overload before you even caught on sometimes; that's how in tune he was with you. No matter how busy he was or demanding his schedule, he always made time to check in on you regularly, especially on his busier days when he couldn’t always be beside you. 

When he couldn’t find you immediately after his media duties, he began to worry. That's when he found you curled up in a corner in the team's hospitality area, your hands against your ears and your eyes squeezed shut as you gently rocked back and forward. Something that usually helped to regulate you.

You felt a presence with you but didn't care much until you heard his voice, low and steady. “Hey. Hey sweetheart, it’s okay,” Danny's soft voice broke through the panic that surrounded you. You looked up to find him crouched in front of you, holding out his hands for yours which you took gratefully. “I’m here. You’re alright. I’ve got you.” 

He was your everything, literally. Your lifeline at that moment. You could just about make him out through the blurriness of the tears in your eyes but his face was full of nothing but concern and love for you. 

Danny guided you away from the busy area and toward his much quieter drivers room where you could be alone. He sat you down on the couch and knelt in front of you at your level, all the while he kept his voice low and soothing. 

“Want to try some breathing exercises to help calm down a little?” 

You were grateful he gave you the choice, it helped you feel some ounce of control over the situation and you nodded. He took a deep breath, encouraging you to do the same and for you to follow his lead. Danny squeezed your hands in time with your breaths, the touch also helping to ground you and keep you in the present.

In…and out…in…and out.

Slowly you felt yourself begin to calm for the first time since you stepped into the paddock. 

“Look at me, sweetheart,” he asked, his voice still low. “You’re doing so good. Just keep breathing with me.” 

You lifted your head, your eyes met his as you gave him a sad pout, hating to ruin his day. 

As if he knew exactly what you were thinking he was quick to interrupt those thoughts, “it’s okay to feel what you feel, sweetheart. It’s okay. We’re in this together.” 

His words and his calming presence all helped to soothe and ground you. The overload and meltdown slowly began to fade into the background. He eventually joined you on the couch, wrapping a protective arm around you as the tension eventually left your body and you sagged into his side, completely spent by the meltdown. He could feel you breathing more even as he continued rubbing his hand up and down your arm in a soothing manner. 

“Feeling better?” he asked, as he placed a kiss to your temple. 

“Yeah…a bit, thank you,” you whispered.

He placed another kiss to the side of your head, “always sweetheart.” 

You knew you couldn’t go back out there and Danny would never force you. He set you up with a blanket and the small TV in his room so you could watch him from the safety and quiet of the room. He made a mental note to order some VCARB branded noise canceling headphones especially for you and to always travel with a few more things that would make it easier for you whenever you came to watch him drive. 

[drewizz]

THIRD TIME - 06. conundrum

pairing ꕀ rafe cameron x reader

WARNINGS. rise of toxic rafe..

WC. 1.9K

TAGLIST. open! comment or send in an ask

series masterlist. previous next

conundrum. (noun) an intricate and difficult problem

Rafe Cameron was never one to second-guess himself. At least, that’s what he liked to believe. But this morning, as he sat in his truck just a block from your house, the usual persona he carried felt.. wrong. Last night’s event played on a loop in his head – from the moment he touched your shoulder to the kitchen, and well, to the couch. (And the small talk in your room but he doesn’t want to think about that.)

He hated how much he seemed to want your attention, seemingly deprived of it; your presence was wanted. Needed. But more than that, it wasn’t even in his own control – which pissed him off.

It was your fault.

If you hadn’t been so… you. He wouldn’t have been sitting here, going mental in his truck for the past ten minutes. He pulled out of the spot and drove aimlessly, needing a place to just forget about you, and his confusing emotions. (As if it was going to work.)

While Rafe was in his truck near your block (which you were completely unaware of), you were trying your best to forget everything. Everything from last night was quite haunting and traumatizing, as it resurfaced when you woke up. 

You woke up with a wince from a sharp feeling near your pelvic area. Too rough last night. Sighing, you registered that you had to forget at some point – so you spent the time doing every little thing possible. Hopefully, you could put aside the heavy feeling that had settled in your chest since the moment he left your house last night, but obviously: it didn’t work.

After a few moments of moping here and there, you decided to get ready to go to the cafe again. Partly hoping the serene place could keep you at bay from such loud thoughts, but also hoping that you could run into him again.

Meanwhile, about a good 20 minutes ago, Rafe found himself at the exact cafe before he even realized where he was headed. He stepped inside, his eyes scanning the room instinctively. Maybe you were there ordering or sitting down and already taking sips.

But obviously you weren't there. (You were busy muttering to yourself about the still-damp floor from last night’s piles of towels.)

The disappointment that followed made him scowl. What was he even doing here? Chasing after someone who he clearly mentioned he didn’t want to go further with? He ended up ordering a drink and sat at one of the corner tables, his long legs stretched out in front of him as he tapped his fingers impatiently against the cup.

Time was passing and his frustration grew. He hated waiting. If anything, people were supposed to wait for him. Not the other way around. He hated feeling like he was on the losing side of whatever game this was. (In your mind, he already lost.)

Heavily disappointed, he left the cafe with his now-cold drink in hand – climbing back into the truck and yelled at himself, punching the steering wheel. (It gained him a few staring eyes, so he yelled at them, too.) However, he didn’t drive away. He sat in his truck, hopeful that you would appear.

And indeed you did.

You arrived about a good five minutes after he had another truck meltdown in the parking lot. You ordered your usual coffee and found a seat by the window. (The one where he sat, but you wouldn’t know that.) The sunlight streaming through the glass was warm, but it did little to thaw the cold knot in your stomach.

You started to realize that you don't mind spending a day without his presence. It was back to silence. Peace. And much needed solitude. (Alas, note that this was a partial lie to yourself.)

But Rafe’s peace was disturbed. He saw you enter the cafe, book in hand and a smile to your face. Oh, that smile. He ignored it. He made it clear that he did not have any interest in you, but seeing you again was making his chest tighten with a mix of irritation and something he didn’t want to name.

Repetitively telling himself to leave, and that he didn’t need to see you, he couldn’t do much except to groan to himself and stay put in his truck.

But then he started getting angrily irritated. Fingers clenching the steering wheel tight, his toxic streak was soaring. Why were you able to be unaffected while he was stuck feeling like this? 

You sat at the place for nearly an hour, flipping through the book you brought with you, but you weren’t really reading it. Your gaze wandered to the door occasionally, a flicker of something you wouldn’t admit to yourself, sparking every time it opened. You wanted to see him. Badly.

Eventually, you checked the time to see that you’d spent almost an hour in here, and left. Deciding a walk might help untangle the thoughts in your head, you walked forward with no particular destination in mind.

In the meantime, Rafe didn’t know why he waited until you were halfway down the block before he started his truck to follow you. His first thought was to get out of the truck and start a conversation with you once he saw you (finally) leave the cafe. But then his pettiness overcame him. So he wanted to see if you noticed him, if you cared enough to turn back.

You didn’t.

He ended up driving slowly and cautiously, his irritation building with every step. What were you even doing? (How you haven’t noticed his loud ass truck following you for the past three minutes, is the more important question.) Wandering around like you didn’t have a care in the world, like you haven’t been knowing that you were completely torturing him through levels of emotional pain? (You didn’t know.)

He almost called out to you but stopped himself. You wouldn’t want to hear what he had to say right now. And he understood you. Not really.

You stopped at the docks near your house again, sitting on one of the benches near a tree. You tilted your head back, letting the cool breeze wash over you with closed eyes. For a moment, you let yourself imagine a life where things were simpler – a life where things would’ve been different. Where you would’ve never met Rafe Cameron.

But the image of him kept creeping in, uninvited and unwelcome. Letting out a dramatic sigh, you kept your head back and eyes closed. You felt at ease, and this is what you wanted.

Rafe was watching you from across the street, openly leaning against his truck. He felt like an idiot (and a creep), just standing there. But he couldn’t really seem to walk away.

He hated how you made him feel last night – raw, exposed, like every part of that you touched felt so fictitious.

Reaching in his pocket to light a cigarette, he didn’t notice how you saw him after you got up from the bench to go back home. He’d forgotten that he was even there, until he looked up and his eyes stayed locked on yours across the street. 

It pissed him off. You weren’t supposed to look this pretty. He hated how you made him feel. He hated you now.

The sharp sound of your voice cut through his thoughts, startling him.

“Rafe?”

His stomach twisted (in delight and resentment).

You were already crossing the street, approaching him and his truck. “What are you doing here?”

Rafe straightened, putting back his lighter and cigarette away, tossing it into the truck from the open window. “I could ask you the same thing.”

You stared at him incredulously, with your arms crossed. “I live near here.”

He snorted, a humorless sound. “Well good for you. But I didn't realize I needed an excuse to be here.”

“You do when you’re lurking in the street, staring at people like a creep,” you snapped. 

“Staring at people?” He let out a harsh laugh, shaking his head. “Don’t flatter yourself, Y/N. I wasn’t looking for you.” (Cue the realization that there was not a single person at the docks this evening, so he looked like a pathetic liar. But you didn’t mention it.)

Your jaw tightened, the personal defiance sparking in your eyes. “Right. So it’s just a coincidence you’re here, watching me?”

“Believe what you want,” he shot back, his voice sharper than he intended with a slight croak to it. “But I wasn’t.”

“I will,” you said, stepping closer. “Because all you’ve ever done is prove me right about you.”

His smirk faltered, replaced by something colder. “Now, careful. I thought we already talked about knowing that you clearly don’t know what you’re talking about when it comes to me.”

“I know enough,” you countered, making sure to emphasize how your voice was laced with disdain. “I know you’re too petty and angry to deal with your own mess, so you make it everyone else’s problem. Like last night.”

He took a step forward, closing the gap between you in a heartbeat. “And you’re so perfect, aren’t you?” he hissed. “Always acting like you’re above it all. Well guess what, you’re not.”

Your breath hitched, but you didn’t back down. “At least I don’t waste my time going around trying to intimidate or fuck people into getting everything I want, just like you do.”

His eyes darkened, and for a moment, it seemed like he might snap. “You don’t know a single shit about me,” he growled. “But every single time, you act like you know shit.”

“Well I know enough to stay fucking away from you,” you fired back, voice heavy with restrained anger. You forgot that he was still Rafe Cameron. The infamous, ill-mannered boy in town.

“Then why don’t you?” he challenged, his tone venomous. “If I’m so toxic as you claim, why the fuck are you still talking to me?”

Your mouth opened, but no words came out. You weren’t even sure why you came over to talk to him in the first place. The air felt suffocating again, heavy with unspoken truths and lingering resentment.

Rafe’s gaze softened, just for a millisecond, but it was enough to make your chest tighten. He shook his head, as if trying to clear whatever thought had crossed his mind. “That’s what I thought,” he muttered, stepping back.

“You’re unbelievable,” you said, your voice quieter now but no less cutting.

“And you’re exhausting,” he snapped, climbing into his truck and slamming the door shut.

You stood frozen, watching as he started the engine. The roar of the truck engine echoed, but he didn’t drive off immediately. Instead, he rolled down the window, his expression unreadable.

“You think you’ve got me all figured out?” he said, his voice low but steady. “You don’t even know half of it. Was trying to find you to talk ‘bout last night, but I don’t even want to see your fucking face anymore.”

Before you could respond, he sped off, leaving you standing there with a storm of emotions you couldn’t untangle.

Anger, hurt, confusion – the undeniable pull you still felt toward him had dissipated. Leaving you only in disgust.

And as you turned back to walk home, you just couldn’t shake the feeling off.

You had officially gotten under his skin.

And he’d gotten under yours.

NOTE. yn GET UP 😞 someone save her.. anyways. tell me your thoughts!! love reading everyone's comments :') ch7 will have much angst.. be prepared soldiers

TAGS. @urbrunettebombshell @rafesfavouritegirl @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @percysley @wtfdudesblog @fratbrochrisgf @rrosiitas @powpowjinxlife @ltristessedureratoujours

[perfectly-m1saligned]

K!nktober day 6

Following @dreamlandcreations prompt list. Day 6: reunion sex. You can find all the stories on my Wattpad as well. Toodles!

(NSFW: MDNI!! Reader's discretion is advised)

Simon Riley x reader

(Boyfriend!Simon) (Jealous!Simon)

cw: oral (f receiving), unprotected piv, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, creampied

word count: 2680

a/n: later post than usual, spent the day with my boyfriend so I didn't have much time to write

68 days, 9 hours and 23 minutes, that’s how long Simon had been away for. Not the first deployment he’d been on since you started dating, but definitely the longest. Days seemed never ending, your nerves wrecked by your concern for him, restless nights spent in your shared bed, holding one of his t-shirts to your chest, in vain hopes that his scent would soothe you enough to allow Morpheus to take you in his arms. Sure, you still went on about your days, keeping yourself busier than usual, staying overtime at work, dreading coming to an empty home; it just didn't feel the same

The first week was fine: you had your space, more privacy - Simon was surprisingly very similar to a velcro dog whenever he was home - and you spent that time pampering yourself. The second week was a little lonelier, you started to miss Simon more, not hearing from him, and having no one to talk about your day to when you came back from work. By the end of the first month, you had less energy, not as motivated to go on about your day, always under the weather. Your friends forced you to go out with them, take your mind off him, but it wasn’t easy to not be worried when you knew your boyfriend was in bumfuck nowhere, on the other side of the world, and you weren’t able to receive any updates about his condition.

You didn’t know when he was coming back, every detail about this operation of his being highly classified. You understood why many people in his field decided to never have families, and you had so much respect for those army wives, so devoted to their hero husbands, who somehow managed to not have a psychotic meltdown every time they left. Either way, the joy of having them back was unmatched.

It was a rainy night, the kind of night that makes you want to cocoon yourself in blankets with some warm tea and do nothing. Something on Netflix played on the TV, the heat from your mug of tea making the warmth seep through your skin and soothe your muscles. Suddenly, the screen of your phone lit up, an unknown number appearing on the screen. You hesitated, but ultimately decided to slide your thumb over the screen, bringing it to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hey, lovie,” a familiar voice greeted from the other side. “I know this isn’t exactly the most romantic way to announce that I’m back, but it’s raining bloody cats and dogs ‘ere, so the buses home were cancelled. I ever had some flowers for you, those blue ones you like, but they got drenched, the bloody things.”

You clamped a hand over your mouth, chuckling at his words as you suppressed a sob. He was back, and the joy you felt was unmatched. “Damn storm, eh?” You tried to jest, blinking away the tears. “Don’t worry, Si. I’m on my w- why are you calling me from a public phone?” You asked, getting up from the couch to fetch your shoes. “Er…I might have gotten a little…agitated, when they announced that all buses were going to be cancelled. But a very sweet lady- Marjorie, yeah?” You heard him ask the most likely 80-something years old next to him. “Yes, so, Marjorie here gave me her phone so I could call my very beautiful girlfriend.” You snorted a laugh, shaking your head. “Does Marjorie need a lift?” You asked, grabbing the car keys and your purse. “Oh no, her son-” A pause. “Benjamin is coming to get her. Drive safe, baby, it’s not like I can go anywhere.”

The drive was surprisingly short, since no one in their right mind was trying to drive in the storm, especially not this late at night. Once you got to the bus station, you saw a, very tall, familiar head of dirty blonde hair, and that damned scarred smile you had fallen in love with. The moment Simon had climbed inside the car and threw his duffle bag in the backseat, you just couldn’t hold back tears anymore. “Hey ba- woah, woah, easy there, girl.” Simon chuckled, encircling your waist with one strong arm when you basically threw yourself over the central console to hug him. Sobs wrecked through your ribcage, your tears quickly soaking up the collar of his t-shirt. “I missed you so much!” You cried out, your broken voice muffled by the skin of his neck, your face buried in its crook. “I was so worried, I didn’t hear a thing from you, I was always nauseous, I-”

His warm and soft lips soothed your nervous rambling, his large hand cradling your face, rugged skin holding you with unexpected tenderness. You immediately relaxed into the kiss, finally feeling his familiar taste after so much time. His thumb stroked your cheek, keeping the kiss going for another few seconds before he pulled back and left a chaste peck on the crown of your head. “Hey,” he whispered, voice smooth like honey. “I’m back, okay? All in one piece. And I missed you so fucking much, y/n.” He kissed you again, and the sweet moan that rose in your throat made him groan. “And I really, really need you to drive us home as fast as you can so I can properly show you how much I’ve missed you.”

When you crossed the threshold to the lobby, Jackson, a new guy that had moved into your apartment complex just a month ago, raised his hand to say hello as he was grabbing his mail. “Hey, y/n-” His face fell the moment your 6’4”, 250+lbs, totally not jealous boyfriend appeared behind you, a steely glare in his deep brown eyes. “Jackson!” You greeted back, a wide smile on your face. “This is Simon, you know I’ve told you about him. I just picked him up from the bus station, he just came back from his deployment.” Jackson looked pale, and like he was very much going to pee his pants. “H-Hi…”

“Good evening.” The saccharine grin on Simon’s face betrayed the death threat in his voice, and Jackson quickly scurried away up the stairs. “Do I need to ask who the fuck is that?” Simon asked with a raised eyebrow, peering down at you. “Nobody, really,” you scoffed dismissively, punching the button up for the lift. “Jackson moved in a month ago, he lives in Mrs. Robinson’s old apartment. He helped me unload the groceries a couple times, he’s alright.” Nothing but a low rumble came out of Simon, as the two of you stepped into the elevator.

“Another man was in my house?” Simon asked, a menacing hint in his voice as he leaned forward, closing the height difference between you and him. You stared up at him, wide-eyed, unable to utter a single word. “Another man touched what’s mine?” He asked again. “N-No, Simon, I-” He clicked his tongue, his lips now a breath above yours. “Looks like I was away for too long, and you need to be reminded of who you belong to.” The moment the doors opened, a squeak left your lips when he picked you up effortlessly, hoisting you up on his shoulder like a caveman and carrying the two of you down the corridor.

He retrieved the keys to your flat from the back pocket of your jeans, the lock clicking open. Simon tossed his bag on the ground, still holding you, then made a beeline for the bedroom. “S-Simon, I can explain,” you kept repeating, your voice nervous and high-pitched, knowing what was about to come. You groaned, the air being kicked out of your lungs when your back hit the mattress, Simon’s body immediately following after, the bed dipping under his weight as he snaked between your thighs. “Oh, darling, I think this reunion is going to be the perfect opportunity for you to remember who’s boss here.” He purred, planting his palms flat on the bedsheets on either side of your head, claiming your lips in a searing kiss, definitely more aggressive than the sweet one you’d shared in the car.

His fingers made quick work of the button and zipper of your jeans, hastily sliding them down your smooth legs, smiling against your lips when you released a shaky whimper. “Calm down, pretty girl,” he whispered, a hand creeping under your t-shirt, cupping your breast through your bra. “Just make sure to scream my name extra loud tonight, yeah? I think Jackson needs to know who’s the only one that can fuck you.” His fingers pulled down your bra cup, warm thumb sliding over your sensitive nipple. “And I fuck you pretty fucking good.”

You were pretty much sure that you were drenched by now, the sight of Simon being jealous doing something to you that you couldn’t quite explain to yourself. “I missed my jealous bastard.” You quipped, lifting your head up a couple inches away from the pillow to steal a quick kiss. “Not jealous,” he corrected sternly. “It’s called being territorial, because you’re fucking mine.” You smiled, cupping his face with both hands. “Just yours, Simon,” you murmured reassuringly. “And I wasn’t the only one who missed you.”

A low chuckle rumbled in his chest, a moan leaving your lips when he collected your panties on one side, sliding a finger between your slick folds. “Mhm,” he hummed. “I can tell. Don’t worry baby, we’re gonna take very good care of her too.” Simon climbed off the bed to undress, and you quickly stripped out of your t-shirt and undergarments. When he crawled back onto the bed, he hoisted your thighs on his broad shoulders, letting your legs hang off his back. “It’s so good to be back.” He purred before he dove in, his flat tongue lapping up at your weeping hole, drinking you like a man finding an oasis in the desert. The sweetest sounds of pleasure fell from your lips, while Simon produced the most obscene ones from between your thighs, stretching your weeping hole with two long digits, pumping his fingers in your needy cunt as he sucked on your engorged clit.

You were tugging at his hair, a squirming mess wiggling about on the bed as you pulled him down on you one second, then tried to push him away the other, the stimulation making you go crazy, reducing you to a babbling, pathetic little thing. His strong hands were secured on the back of your thighs, firmly keeping you in place and restricting you from any unwanted movements. You were rotating between “Simon”, “oh fuck”, and “right there” every other second, and Simon drank in your needy moans like he did the juices leaking from your sweet, soft pussy. He only stopped when you unravelled around him, an orgasm wrecking through you and leaving you breathless.

He raised his hand, sporting a victorious grin, his lips and chin glistening with your arousal, looking prouder than ever. “Such a good girl.” He purred, giving you one last kiss before propping himself up on his elbows and pushing himself off the bed, only to position himself back between your legs. You saw him spit down on his hand, before he started to slowly stroke his length, his fat cock ready to ruin you, already oozing with precum and twitching in anticipation. “What-” you tried to say. “What?” Simon cooed. “Just because you already came once doesn’t mean we aren’t finished, love. Plus-” he teased your entrance with his tip. “We’re just getting started.”

Inch after inch, his heavy cock stretched your soaked hole, collecting your recent release onto his length, a growl rumbling deep in Simon’s chest as your walls clenched around him, adjusting back to his size after months of distance. “Oh, Simon…fuuuuck…” you cried out, slim fingers fisting the pristine bed sheets as he buried himself deep inside you, now kissing shy of your cervix, balls tickling your ass. “That’s it,” he moaned. “That’s the good girl I’ve missed, y/n. You still take me so fucking good.” He slid a hand under your head, cradling it as he captured your lips in a feverish kiss, tongue delving deep into your mouth, exploring its familiar warmth.

You clawed at his back the moment he started to pump his hips, leaving red crescents on his already scarred skin, legs wrapped tight around his waist, heels pressing down on the back of his thighs, keeping him deep within your gummy walls.

“I…f-fuck, I’ve missed you.” You cried out against his lips, chest heaving with ragged breaths as he thrust with purpose, soft, guttural moans arising from his throat. “What about that Jackson guy?” He growled, his teeth catching your hoop earring and gently tugging at it. “I’m sure he would’ve loved to ease your concerns, hm?” In a different circumstance, you would’ve rolled your eyes at his words, but his cock punishing your cervix was making it kinda hard to be annoyed at him right now. “N- I would’ve never-”

“I know you would never, baby,” he reassured you, although his deep strokes said otherwise. “But I think he needs to understand that you-” A hard thrust. “Are.” Another. “Mine.” And another. His words were punctuated by his harsh thrusts and your screams, and you were pretty sure you had drawn blood, nails digging into his back, making him hiss. “S-Simon, please…” You pleaded, hot tears lining your eyes, heat quickly coiling back up in your stomach from the overstimulation.

Simon pulled out, a sigh of relief leaving your lips before he grabbed you by your waist, manhandling you as he flipped you on your stomach, lifting your hips up to put you in doggy before he lined himself back, pushing into your weeping, sensitive hole once again, stripping another cry out of you. A big hand splayed onto your lower back kept you pinned to the bed, the bed sheets grazing your nipples, the friction adding up to the stimulation, making you roll your eyes back into your skull. You buried your face in the pillow, biting down on it to muffle your screams. Simon pressed his chest to your back, reaching under you to circle your swollen clit with his forefinger, making your screams raise in volume. “Hush, Hush, baby…” he whispered, his breathing laboured. “Come on…I know you can do it, just one more for me, yeah? I know you can take it, pretty girl. Cum on my cock, y/n, be a good girl and cum on my cock.”

His goading words were your undoing, your squirt coating his lower abdomen as you came one more time, screaming out Simon’s name like a prayer, hot tears lining your cheeks as the overwhelming orgasm crashed through you like a merciless, powerful wave. Your walls squeezed him so tight Simon met his release as well, hot cum spurting out of him in thick ropes as he unloaded himself inside of you. His hips stuttered from the sheer force of it, and he gulped, breathing heavily as you both rode out your high.

You were completely wrecked, flat on your stomach, feeling your mixed juices leak out of your hole once Simon had unsheathed himself. He quickly ran to the bathroom, dampening a towel under some lukewarm water, coming right back to the bedroom to clean you up, his touch surprisingly tender after the rough session. When you were all nice and clean, he climbed back onto the bed, putting a strong arm over your limp, and spent body to pull you into his side. He gently manoeuvred you so he was spooning you, nuzzling his nose into your hair, pressing it to the nape of your neck, inhaling your sweet scent, mixed with sweat and after sex pheromones.

You cuddled up to his chest, a tired hum leaving your lips, your eyelids feeling impossibly heavy. “That was…that was some reunion.” You said, your voice weak and feeble. Simon chuckled, kissing your warm skin. “Told you I had to properly show you how much I had missed you, baby,” he said. “And I’m on leave for the next three weeks. I’m not done with you yet.”

•This is an original work of fiction, please do not translate or share on this or any other platforms without credit•