#one i bought for myself so i could read it on a car trip i was going on with my family

[marshymallo]

when someone genuinely tries to do something nice for you with only good intentions and it somehow ends up fucking something up?

and it really shouldn’t matter because it’s not that big of a deal but you’re an emotional little bitch and it upsets you way more than it should?

that’s how i feel right now and i fucking hate it

[illusioninfnty]

"i'll do anything!" ↠ day 23 ; virginity loss

↠ bo sinclair x reader

fandom: house of wax word count: 2.8k warnings: nsfw 18+, bimbo!reader, reader has shitty friends, coercion, corruption, dubconish, fingering, blowjob, cum swallowing, dirty talk, kind of semi-public sex, unprotected sex, creampie, pervy!Bo, allusion to murder, the plot is like a bad porno but i promise this is good guys

kinktober m.list || read on ao3

“God, did you forget to fill the tank again?”

You lean over from the backseat to take a look at the fuel gauge, and see the arrow is nearing empty. You furrow your eyebrows. “I was sure it filled up all the way,” you murmur. You try to recall when you all last stopped at a gas station, and how your friends delegated you to fill up the car while they went into the shop and bought snacks.

“Well it obviously didn’t, you idiot!” Your friend jerks the wheel and pulls over on the side of the desolate road. “This is why we never like to go anywhere with you.” 

You bite your lip, holding back tears. It wasn’t your fault that you were so forgetful sometimes, always getting distracted and lost in your thoughts.

This was supposed to be a fun road trip with your three closest friends, celebrating your college graduation nearing. But after a car karaoke session that went on for too long made you guys miss an exit, you’d been stranded on empty roads with nothing but trees surrounding you for quite a few miles now.

Your friend sitting in the backseat with you turns to face you, her arms crossed against her chest. “You should be the one to go find a gas station,” she protests. “It’s your fault we got stuck out here anyway.”

Your two friends in the front row look back at you and then at each other before nodding in agreement.

You crane your neck to look at the journey that would be ahead of you. It looked as though it continued to stretch for miles and miles with no end in sight, only the empty road and dying trees.

“By myself?” you ask hesitantly.

All three nod in unison.

You huff in defeat, unbuckling your seatbelt and stepping out of the vehicle.

“I’ll try to be back—”

They slam the door in your face before you can answer.

“—Soon,” you finish before sighing and starting the long walk, hoping to find some destination before it got too dark.

~

Bo was not expecting to see a pretty little thing like you around Ambrose when it was nearing dusk, especially all alone. You had your arms wrapped around your bare midsection, and even from his spot inside the gas station he could see that you were shivering from the cool air as the sun set. You were looking around frantically, and he could tell immediately that you were lost and looking for help.

He smirks. Oh, he’d help you, alright. Bo took that as his cue to reveal himself to you. He wipes his hands with a dirty rag and tosses it aside, exiting the station.

You hear the ringing of the bell as Bo opens the door, and you turn your head towards the source of the sound. You scurry on over, seeing Bo in his mechanic’s uniform.

“Sir! Hi!” you start, fumbling over your words. “You work here, right? Do you have some gas? My car—well, it’s my friend’s—but it’s, like, miles back there and we ran out.” 

Your eyes then shift to the side and he could tell you were embarrassed. “It’s kind of my fault.”

Hmm. Sir. He liked hearing that come from your pouty lips.

Bo gives you a toothy grin. “Don’t gotta worry your head ‘bout it, sweetheart. I’ll get ya all settled. Come with me.” He slides his hand across your lower back, just barely grazing your ass. You gasp under your breath at the feeling, and Bo can’t help it when his cock stirs at the sound.

As you walk into the gas station, Bo scans you up and down. He notices that you have nothing on your person but your clothes, and even then it’s just little scraps of a skimpy top and skirt—which means you must’ve forgotten a wallet, too. His grin widens even more.

Reaching behind him without you noticing, he cranks the thermostat down. The air gets cooler within seconds, and Bo revels in seeing your nipples harden as they poke through your top.

He goes to find a can of gas, rolling up his sleeves as he plucks it from a top shelf. He notices when you gulp and stare at his muscles as he flexes them subtly.

You were such a cute little doll. He was going to have fun with you.

He plops the can on the counter. You go to reach for it, but he holds a hand out. “Ten bucks, little lady.”

Your eyes bulge almost comically and it takes all of Bo’s strength not to laugh at your expression.

“Wow, that’s a lot more than I thought it would be,” you say nervously, shifting on the balls of your feet.

Bo exaggerates a sigh. “Times are tough out here, owning a small business like this. We don’t get many customers out here.” He opens his hands to motion to you the desolate town of Ambrose.

You completely buy into his bullshit excuse, nodding your head in complete understanding. “Oh my god, that sucks, like, a lot.” Patting down your lame excuse for a shirt, you look up at Bo with wide eyes, jaw dropped in surprise. “I forgot to bring my wallet!”

You were such a dumb little thing. What were your sorry excuses of friends thinking, sending you off all alone?

“I’m so sorry, sir!” You clasp your hands in front of you in a pleading manner, looking up at him with big, watery eyes. Bo holds back a groan. Jesus, those eyes could make a man cream his pants if he wasn’t too careful. “Please, is there anything I can do to pay you back? I’ll do anything!”

Bo pretends as if he’s thinking long and hard. Oh, he knew exactly what you were going to do as payment.

“You know, I get lonely sometimes,” Bo starts, a mock frown on his face. “A cute lady like you could really help a man like me out.” He shuffles up to you, and palms your ass under that sorry excuse for a skirt.

“Oh!” You gasp, grabbing onto his arm. “That’s really sad, sir.” You look lost in thought for a moment before continuing. “I don’t know if I can do that for you though.” You bite your lip, looking unsure of yourself.

“Aw, you gotta be kidding,” Bo clicks his tongue, rubbing his hand around the plumpness of your behind. “I bet you’ve helped lotsa guys out, huh?”

“A-actually,” you look down in shame. “I’m a—” you lower your voice to barely over a whisper, “—virgin.”

Bo blinks. That wasn’t a response he was expecting from you. So the slutty clothes were just for show, was it?

“Oh really?”

You nod, blatant regret all over your face. “I don’t think it’ll be good for you, ya’know, since I haven’t really had any practice and all that.”

He puts a smile back on, laughing gleefully and patting you on the shoulder, rubbing a thumb between the groove of your collarbone. “Well, that’s no problem for me, sweetheart. I can teach ya!”

Your eyes lighten up. “You can?”

“Sure I can!” He starts to undo his belt, throwing it aside on the counter. “Just need you to get on your knees for me and I can show you what to do.”

His cock jumps in anticipation, looking forward to seeing your juicy, plump lips wrapped around—

“Wait a minute!” you cry out, interrupting his fantasies.

Bo pauses in his movements, his jaw ticking at your interruption. “Yes?” he askes, concealing his frustration.

“What’s your name? I don’t wanna do this without knowing it.”

He sighs and points to the nametag on his jacket. “I’m Bo.”

You slap a palm across your forehead and nervously giggle. “Oh jeez, I should’ve known to look first!”

“That’s okay, sweetheart,” Bo mutters through his teeth impatiently. “Now lemme help you out, alright?” “Oh! Yeah, sorry!” You—finally—drop to your knees in front of him. “What do I need to do?”

The sight of you in front of him like that, so eager and pliant, had his cock jumping in his pants.

Bo lowers his jeans and boxers, his hard cock now revealed to you. He wraps a hand around the base stroking his full length as it puts it on display for you.

“That’s…big,” you murmur. You look up at him, concern plastered across your features. “I dunno if it’s gonna fit.” Your eyebrows crease together and those damn pouty lips of yours come out again.

Bo bites his cheek to conceal his smirk. This was gonna be a lot more fun than he thought. “I told you, that’s what I’m helping you with, ain’t I?”

You nod.

“Great. Now open those pretty lips up for me.”

You open your mouth as wide as you can, giving Bo a perfect hole to stick his cock into. He guides himself inside you, hissing as the warmth of your mouth envelops his length.

“Good girl,” he praises. He begins to thrust his hips slowly, your lips latching onto him as he does so. “You gotta let me move, sweetheart.”

“Sorry,” you mumble around him, and he groans at the vibrations that travel up his cock.

Your lips loosen and you start to suck on his cock, the suction of your lips making shivers of pleasure run down his spine. He grips the back of your head, controlling the pace of his thrusts.

“Fuck, look at you,” Bo hisses. You look so pretty and innocent with his cock stuffed down your throat, gags escaping your lips. “You’re a natural. Sure you haven’t done this before?”

“I told you—!”

Bo slaps your cheek, shushing you. “Stop talking.”

You nod obediently, the action making him pulse inside of your mouth. His grip on your hair tightens as his thrusts become harder, more primal. He fucks your mouth with vigor, ignoring your gags and the way your nails dig into the skin of his thighs.

He cums faster than he’s ever had before, groaning as his hot release coats the back of your throat. You cough around his cock, spurts of liquid splashing against your cheeks.

“Swallow it,” Bo commands.

You gulp harshly, your lips still secured around his cock. The extra pressure has him bucking his hips and like a good girl you swallow all of his cum. He pulls his cock out of your mouth, and you begin to cough and sputter as you regain your breath.

“Is that it?” you question him.

“Baby, I still gotta get rid of that virginity of yours.”

“Oh.” You giggle behind your hand. “Right.” You start to strip, only taking a couple of seconds since you’re practically naked already. “What do I do now?”

Bo’s cock hardens back to life at your nude form in front of him. Your nipples are hard, attached to your perky breasts that bounce up and down right in front of his eyes. He stares lecherously, licking his lips. “Now that you got my cock all wet,” Bo rubs his length, now slick with his cum and your saliva, “I can stick it in your pussy.” You bite the inside of your cheek and nod, your eyes flicking between his face and his cock. “I know I asked before,” you begin, and Bo moves to place your hand over his cock, “but will it really fit?”

Lord, he was really starting to understand why your friends let you go alone.

“Yeah, I told you, I’ll make it fit.” He lifts you from the back of your legs and places you on top of the counter. He brings his thick fingers to your pussy, sticking a fingertip inside.

You gasp and arch your body into him, throwing your arms around his broad back. Your bare breasts brush up against his chest and he relishes in the contact. 

“That feels really good, Bo!” you cry out. He adds a second finger inside of you, pushing the digits in deeper. He can feel how wet you are and the way you clench around him so desperately. Your hips jerk into him unsteadily, chasing the pleasure his fingers bring you.

He chuckles. “It’ll feel even better when I stick my cock in you.”

Bo removes his fingers, basking in the way you whine as he pulls them out, leaving you pulsing and desperate to be around him. He lines his throbbing cock with your entrance and pushes himself in without hesitation.

“Bo!” You scream, nails digging into his back. Little gasps leave your mouth as he begins to thrust in and out of you. Your pussy grips him like a vice, and it’s difficult for him to move inside you with you so needy for him.

He shushes you, gripping your cheeks and watching as tears leave your eyes.

“It hurts,” you whine to him. Your nails grip onto him as if your life depended on it.

He shoves his face into the crevice of your neck, placing kisses upon it. “Gotta relax a bit for me, okay?” he coos into your ear. “Or it won’t feel good for you.”

“You promise?” you ask through glassy eyes.

He nods, and feels as you unclench just a tad around him. Bo is able to rut himself into you harder now, and he can’t help but be more forceful with his thrusts as it causes your breasts to bounce right in front of him.

“Look at that.” He motions towards where the two of you are connected, his cock pulsing at the way your blood and juices coat the base. “Look at how we're connected now.”

Oh wow,” you gasp in awe. “That’s kinda romantic, huh?”

Bo doesn’t respond. If you wanted to put it that way, he wouldn’t stop you. He ignores the way his heart stutters in his chest.

His hips continue to pound into you, your body bouncing along with the power of his thrusts. The whines that come out of your mouth sound so angelic, and Bo has to fight the urge to kiss you.

“I—I think I’m gonna cum,” you moan out, your head thrown back and your eyes are scrunched up in pleasure.

Bo didn’t need you to tell him that. Your pussy goes back to clenching down on him, your walls tightening around his cock, fitting themselves to the shape of him. He curses quietly into your neck. He never wanted to leave the warmth of your pussy.

“That’s it, baby,” Bo coaxes you. He moves a finger to your clit, enjoying the way you jolt at the newfound sensation as he rubs circles on the bead. “Cum around my cock.”

“Cumming!” Your voice is squeaky as your legs come up to wrap around his backside, and you finally reach your peak. Your pussy tightens around Bo even more, and he can’t help it when he cums for a second time as you squeeze every last drop out of him.

You pant heavily as you come down from your orgasm, sweat rolling down your temples despite the cold air of the station that surrounds the two of you.

Bo’s own breathing is heavy, something he’s not used to much. You squirm out from beneath him as you drop from the counter, legs still shaking from the aftermath of your orgasm. You bend down to gather your scraps of clothing, and Bo has to take all of his strength to conceal his groan as he watches his cum slowly leak out of your pussy.

“Leaving so soon?” Bo didn’t know what compelled him to say that. You were just some cute college kid passing through that was a chance to get his dick wet. Yet there was something about you that drew him to you, like a moth to a flame.

You shimmy back into your clothing, and he notices how you ignore the trail of his cum that runs down your thigh. “My friends’ll be mad at me if I take too long getting back.” You pause in your movements. “I can take the gas now, right?”

Bo’s heart drops in his stomach. He realizes quickly that no, he wasn’t going to let you take the gas. In fact, he wasn’t going to let you leave at all. He wanted you—needed you—here with him. He couldn’t let a pretty little thing like you just pass by him like that.

He glances outside quickly. The sky's already turned to a pitch black hue, and he knows there’s no streetlights on your way back to where your friends wait for you. He turns back to you as you stand awaiting his answer.

“It’s pretty dark out there, little lady.” You peek over his shoulder, and your eyes widen as you realize just how late it had gotten. “It ain’t safe for you ta’ be out walkin’ all alone. Why don’t you stay over at my place for the night?”

“B-but what about my friends?” A pout overtakes your face and you look up at Bo with puzzled eyes.

Bo smirks, holding you close to his chest and running a hand over your hair. “Don’t need ta’ worry about them, sweetheart. My brother’ll come an’ fetch ‘em.”

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 9: Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary:  When you decided to work with Butcher and his merry band of supe hunters to take down Homelander, you neve expected to be saddled with a sullen, grumpy, jerk like Soldier Boy when the job was done. The more you're around him the more you hate him, but you can't help but wonder, is he really as big a jerk as you think? Reader is a supe with plant powers. This takes place in an AU about a month after the end of The Boys Season 3, in which Butcher has let Soldier Boy continue to work with him on his team.  (I'm real bad at summaries, please forgive me!) Soldier Boy calls the reader "Petals."

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers (Not in this chapter), Slow Burn, Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Soft Ben/ Soldier Boy, Protective Ben/Soldier Boy

Word Count: 6.7K

Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+ because Soldier Boy (he's a warning and everyone knows it), swearing, mentions of sex, sexual innuendo, sexual jokes, sexual tension, Nightmare, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Drowning, Mention of Vomiting, SUPER GROSS SUPERPOWER, Reader is really oblivious, and I mean REALLY oblivious. Ben/Soldier Boy might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

A/N: This chapter is just really fluffy and I didn't want to keep it to myself, because it makes me so happy. Well, after the first part at least.

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Rain glazed all the sharp edges of the world outside the car, smearing the drops against the windows with a heavy hand. The humid air breathed and iced the glass, but did not disrupt the droplets that raced quickly by, catching and sparkling in the sporadic streetlights along the twisting road.

Your mother was singing softly along to "Nights In White Satin", the haunting melody building with every note, your father's deep baritone weaving with hers to make a wonderful melody in the silence of the night. The smell of rain seeped through the ancient air conditioning, the heady scent of wet earth and clean water filling the cab of your family's car.

 You smile to yourself in the backseat, sleepy and content, tracing a single finger against the smudged glass to watch each raindrop race against the fogged glass. You could still taste the chocolate ice cream on the tip of your tongue from the cone your parents have bought you on the way home, your hands and cheeks sticky with the remains. The leather seats of your family car are worn in and soft beneath you from years of family trips all over the United States. There was still a loose marble rolling around back and forth with every gentle rock of the car as it moved smoothly over the wet roads, a comfort when you were a baby and you couldn't sleep and your parents drove around the block to send you into the sweet abyss.

The sharp plunk of rain against the windshield is heavy, but your father reaches to turn up the song on the radio, flicking his eyes to smile at your mother one final time. And as he glances back up he shouts something.

You can't hear what it is, only that when you look out the windshield you see a brilliant flash of white light coming straight for the car and feel the car jerk to the right as your father yanks on the wheel. There's an awful sound of concrete against metal, a high pitched screech that you can't forget followed by the almost inhuman scream of terror that comes from your mother's mouth, as the car breaks through the concrete side of the bridge and goes off the road.

There's an awful moment of weightlessness and when the car hits the water everything goes black.

You jolt upwards out of bed, screaming at the top of your lungs, chest heaving and gasping for air as the memory of water filling your lungs floors your senses. You shudder involuntarily, rocking back and forth as you try to shake off the memory of your parent's death.

No one really knew what happened that night, what the bright light was that you saw or where it came from. The detective said that it had to be lightning, but it hadn't looked like lightning to you. Your parents had drowned inside, but you survived. When the police arrived on the scene of the crash they found you on the bank of the river with the branches of the trees forming a protective cage around you. The back windshield of the car had been completely destroyed, blown inward when the trees along the bank had reached in to pull you out.

You always thought it was funny that somewhere deep down your powers took over, you weren’t  sure if it was when you blacked out or if you somehow forgot what happened in your parent's final moments, but all you knew was that you were alive because you called out for help and the trees answered.

A part of you still felt guilty. It had been your fault that you were out. There was a music recital at school, they'd come to support you, Darren had stayed home too busy doing homework to care. He was taking courses at the local community college, too involved in his own life to pay any attention to yours, except when he needed you. You weren't sure why the trees hadn't saved them too, why you were the only survivor.

You reach for your bedside table, scrambling in the darkness to find the inhaler that usually helps, before finally putting it to your lips and taking in a long puff.  It helps for a moment. Your heart was still beating fast, a cold sweat making your sleep shirt stick to your back, as another involuntary shudder works through your body, the sound of your mother's scream ringing in your ears.

You press your face into your knees trying to calm your breathing when your bedroom door snaps in half. Pieces of the door shoot through the air like shrapnel as Ben appears in the doorway, shirtless, wearing only a pair of black sweatpants holding one of the lamps from your living room.

"Ben what the fuck?" You scream, heart already feeling like it was going to burst out of your chest.

"What happened? What's going on? Why did you scream?" He shouts back, eyes darting around the room as if looking for invisible intruders.

"Get out of my room!" You shout.

"Not until you tell me what's going on." Ben's eyes fall on you once more and you watch the tension in his shoulders drop an inch. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." You lie taking in a deep breath, hoping that you can calm down your heart beat and that he's not paying attention to that.

He was.

"No, you’re not."

"Yes I am." You didn’t feel like doing this with him, didn’t feel like telling him exactly why you'd just woken up screaming or deal with him teasing you.

It had been a few days since the party and you had been trying your best to make things as normal between the two of you as you could, especially after you'd yelled at him. It had been more awkward the day after, not because of what you said to him, but because of what he yelled at you after the supe got away. He hadn't come back to the apartment until after you'd gone to bed and when you woke up on Sunday morning, Ben had gotten you coffee again when he went out to get a newspaper.

You figured that was his way of apologizing for yelling at you. That and he had insisted on walking to "Please Don't Die" with you on Monday and Tuesday morning, as if he thought that you were incapable of doing it yourself and then showed up when you got out of work at 5 to walk you back home. You didn't know how he figured out what time you got off of work, only that when he showed up to get you on Monday, he glared at Jake who was debating with you about which of Rory Gilmore's love interests was the best.

Jake had watched a few episodes with his younger sister when she visited him a few weeks ago to tour some of the colleges in New York, and she'd gotten him hooked. Annie and you had watched Gilmore Girls forever ago, but you'd started watching a few episodes now that it was fall and that meant you were being reminded of how much you obsessed over the show when you were younger.

Ben had stood there watching the two of you, noticing how close Jake was standing to you and how Jake seemed to smile even wider and how Jake spoke animatedly to you over the display of cactus all the while frowning and glaring daggers in the back of Jake's head.

You'd be lying if you said that you weren't reconsidering dating Jake. Ben had made it clear what he wanted and despite how much you were attracted to him, you knew that he didn't want to be what you wanted, and you didn't want to force Ben into something or try to turn him into something he wasn't. So you were trying to think about what it would be like dating Jake. He definitely had the kind of qualities you were looking for, he was one for relationships, he had the same sense of humor you did, he liked plants almost as much as you, he was kind and compassionate, and he had a warm smile.

The problem was you couldn't imagine what it would be like to date him and for some reason the thought of dating Jake didn't bring you as much joy as it would have a few weeks ago, and you had no idea why that was.

You also didn't know why Ben came to pick you up or forced himself to walk with you to work, especially if he hated Jake so much and hated being around Jake, but Ben did, and then bought you a cup of pineapple iced tea from your favorite shop around the corner from your apartment on the way home even though you insisted on paying for yourself. He thought that pineapple iced tea sounded disgusting, but because you liked proving him wrong, you'd let him have a sip and he'd grudgingly agreed that it wasn't "that bad," but then took another sip of it when you put it down on the kitchen counter for a second to pet Bean when he thought you weren't looking.

Honestly you didn't understand why he was so eager to walk with you to work or why he wanted to walk you back to the apartment. Not when Ben seemed to fill his life and all his time endless dates with the women of New York City, something that you noticed he hadn't done in the past three days since the party. You always figured he had better things to do than walk with you, and yet he had making somewhat pleasant conversation, well, pleasant for Ben which was not the same as pleasant for other people. But it wasn't terrible. He did occasionally tease you because you couldn't walk past a wilting plant without perking it up, but that was to be expected.

"No, you're not." Ben put the lamp down on the floor by your door. It didn’t have it's shade on it anymore and you figured that Ben had ripped it from the living room table when he heard you scream, throwing the shade to the floor when he kicked down your bedroom door.

The same door that was lying in pieces on the hardwood floor of your bedroom.

How am I going to explain that to the super?

"Yes-" You gasp for air and shove the inhaler in your mouth again to take another puff and this time it takes. "I am." You finish, swiping your free hand over your face to rid yourself of the tears, but for some reason they won't stop. "Please, Ben just go-" Your voice breaks for a moment and you bury your face into your knees again.

You really wanted him to go, didn't want to talk to him about this, didn't feel like putting up with his teasing or with his disgusting jokes, and didn't want him to make fun of you for using an inhaler, the same one you'd had prescribed by your doctor when he told you that your nightmares were causing panic attacks. You didn’t have to use it all the time, just when you had the dreams.

You feel the end of your bed dip and you glance up from your knees at Ben. He's sitting there, not quite looking at you, instead he's petting Bean where he was guarding over you as you slept.

"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, but I don't want to leave you when you're like this Petals." He says it more to the cat than to you, barely audible. Bean was leaning into Ben's hand as if Ben being in your bedroom, sitting on your bed was normal.

You suddenly feel like you’ve been struck by lightning. What he said was so honest so caring so completely unlike the Ben you knew that all you could do was stare at him. If anything the shock of what he said seemed to help you regulate your breathing and calm down from the images you had just seen in your nightmare.

Ben doesn’t say anything, just continues to rub Bean under his chin, sitting on the end of your bed like it’s the most natural thing in the world and as if he hasn’t said anything at all.

You stare at him for longer than you should, tracing the dips of his broad shoulders, the gentle freckles that graces his skin, and muscles as the taper down his back. You’d seen him shirtless before, but every time you’re unprepared for how good he looks.

Right now he looks, different. He looks softer.

You’re not sure if it’s because of the yellowed light from your bedside table lamp or if it’s because he’s petting Bean, but there's something about him that feels more open, as if he genuinely cares, and it makes you want to talk to him. You sit there for another few minutes calming your breathing, still holding on to your knees, but you prop your chin on your knee so you can look at him.

Why won't he leave? Why does he care so much that he wants to stay here?

Bean stands and saunters up the bed to press his head into your shin as if he's checking up on you. "Hey buddy." You whisper hoarsely, rubbing him behind his ears.

Ben turns his body, folding one of his legs under him and the other hangs off your bed so that his bare foot is sitting on the hardwood floor of your bedroom. He's watching you with an unreadable expression, eyes following the trail of your hand on Bean's back, but Ben does not break the silence.

"I have nightmares sometimes." You whisper. Bean's thick gray fur was falling through your fingertips in a comforting way, his luminous amber colored eyes looking up at you. "But I'm okay."

Ben still doesn't say anything.

The high pitched ring of the metal of the car on concrete makes you wince and he doesn't miss it. You watch his hand twitch as if he wants to touch you, but instead he lays it on the bed between the two of you, sinking into the soft comforter.

"I've never heard you scream like that before." Ben murmurs under his breath. "I thought that-"

You glance up at him, eyes wide.

He runs a hand through his hair nervously, as if he's uncomfortable continuing the conversation. "I thought that the supe was in here with you."

"The electric guy?"

Ben nods once.

"No I don't think he's in here. Unless he's hiding under the bed or something." You smile weakly at the joke, but you can still feel the jolt of the car hitting the water and the sharp snap of the seatbelt cutting into your chest. This time you successfully fight the shudder.

Ben doesn't smile. "The nightmares aren't about him are they? Or when I-" He stops mid sentence eyes flicking away from you, ashamed.

You understood what he was asking. Ben and you, like any modern day meet cute, had met mid-fight, the night that Butcher took him to Vought to take down Homelander. Back then you hadn't been working for Butcher, you'd showed up with Annie, and when Ben advanced on her you'd shoved Annie out of the way from his outstretched hands.

You hadn't been fast enough to escape yourself and he had hauled you up into the air by your throat, his chest glowing a dangerous orange spreading up through his skin until it turned his eyes a molten gold. Your hands had held on to his wrists so tight that you felt like your skin was burning and you were desperately trying to think of a way out of this. But just as you thought he was going to explode, his eyes had locked on yours and you watched something move through them that wasn’t rage. Ben had thrown you across the room and gone after Butcher instead.

"Is that why you didn't want me to move in?" Ben's gaze is on you, something deep buried in his eyes that looks a lot like regret. "Because you're afraid of me? Because I hurt you?”

“Ben, no. I’m not afraid of you.” You touch his hand where it rests on the bed gently. He had hurt you. The bruising around your neck for the few weeks that followed was ugly and had to be covered up with turtlenecks and foundation to avoid people on the street asking you if you needed help.

But it hurt you more to know that he thought that you were afraid of him and that he worried about that. Because you weren’t afraid of Ben. Yes he lost his temper and would yell very loudly and always felt the need to scream his opinion to the world, but you didn’t think that he was a bad guy despite what he had done. If you had been afraid of him then you wouldn’t have let him stay with you in your apartment, let alone live with your cat.

He looks relieved when you say it. “Then what are they about?”

“I-“ You swallow, before dropping your gaze back to your knees. You retract your hand, but Ben turns his over, palm up and gently holds yours, not quite squeezing it, just laying beneath yours.

What in the actual fuck is happening?

You glance down at where he’s holding your hand, the warmth from his body comforting like the first day of summer, seeping through your body as it does to take away the chill the nightmare left behind. It seemed a little awkward for him, as if he wasn't sure what to do now that your hand was laying on top of his. He wasn't even entwining your fingertips together, but your fingers just barely curved over the thick muscle at the base of his thumb. His hand was bigger than yours, rough and worn in just the right places.

“It’s about my parents.” The words feel like cotton in your mouth. “The night they died.”

"Oh."

You bite the inside of your cheek. You weren't sure that you wanted to talk to him about this. You'd never wanted to talk to anyone about it. The only person you'd ever spoken about it with outside of your family was Annie. But he was here, and he was looking at you differently, and he was actually holding your hand, sort of, and he was acting so different than any time you'd spent together.

"I was twelve. It was raining and we were coming home from a music recital." You couldn't remember what it was you sang, just remember the people coming up to congratulate you and the large bundle of gardenias that your parents had bought you. "My dad was driving and they were singing in the front seat together."

You felt the tears begin to build behind your eyes, throat closing. You can't really look up at him now, all you do is stare at where his hand sits under yours. " We were crossing over a bridge and there was this brilliant flash of light, my dad swerved and the car went off the road."

Ben's hand finally curls around yours. "You were in the car?" His voice is lower now, emotion lacing his words. 

You nod once. "In the backseat." You whisper. "I can't really remember what happened after we hit the water, all I know is that the trees saved me."

"What?"

"I don't know if I somehow called to them as I was drowning, but they broke through the back windshield and pulled me out of the car, but my parents-" Your voice breaks and you don't try to finish the sentence.

Why am I telling him this? He doesn't care. All he wants is-

"I'm sorry." Ben murmurs, interrupting your chain of thought, sounding sincere.

You shrug. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

Ben raises his free hand to tilt your chin up to face him, and you quickly get lost in the greenish glow that draws you in each time he looks at you. "Don't be sorry for that y/n. I'd rather be wrong and you be okay, than sleep through you screaming like that." Ben swallows. "I didn't like it." You watch the ends of his lips twitch for a second and he smiles. "And we both know how much I like to hear women scream my name.”

Despite the conversation you'd have previously, you snort and smile faintly. "Have you always been like this? Or is it a recent development?"

Ben shrugs, thumb rubbing just barely over your cheekbone. "I like to think of myself as charming."

"Of course you do."

"You don't think I'm charming Petals?"

"Nope."

"Still a bad liar." He laughs releasing your jaw to gently touch the scrunched skin between your eyebrows that gave away your lie.

"I don't really think you're that great at lying either." You roll your eyes, swatting away his hand. "At least I can pretend to like people."

"I can pretend to like people-"

"Oh really? Then what about Jake."

At the mention of Jake's name, Ben frowns.

"See!" You smile wide. "I don't understand why you don't like him."

"He's annoying. No one is that happy Petals. He’s probably been drinking the Koolaid for too long and is trying to get you to join a cult. The pussy is practically part golden retriever." Ben rolls his eyes, but then notices you yawn. "I should go." He stands, letting go of your hand as he does. "You need your beauty sleep."

You fight the disappointment that blooms in your chest as he lets go and the immediate loss that comes when he lets go of you scares you. You're afraid of how you seem to be so attached to him, to someone who has told you countless times he doesn't want a relationship, doesn't believe that you need a strong emotional connection with someone else, and someone who said that the only thing he wanted from a woman was to fuck them.  That last part stung a bit. You remember when he said it to you, when you were looking over the map at the other apartment last week.

But why would he say something like that and act like this with me? Why did he come in here to save me from the supe?

"I think you could use some beauty sleep too Gramps. Without it, you look your age. Can't hide all those wrinkles under make-up." You half-smile when Ben sighs, before you pull your hands into your lap and  cross your legs beneath you. "But, thanks for-well- making sure that no one was murdering me."

"It's what roommates are for." Ben pauses in the doorway before he leaves, the light from the hallway reflecting off the strong muscles of his upper back. His body sways, considering if he should say what he's about to. "I -uh- I get them too." He whispers it.

"What?"

"Nightmares." You see the tension in his shoulders, the word muttered almost like a curse, as if he doesn't really want to admit that.

Your body freezes. "About the lab?"

He looks down and you take that as a yes.

You could only imagine what that was like for him, to be trapped in another country, thinking every day that someone he thought he loved would come find him, but then never did. Again the idea of what Countess did to him, burns hot in your chest. It broke you to think that Ben spent all that time wishing and hoping that she would come for him. You would have. You would have fought tooth and nail to find the man you loved, even if it meant you getting trapped in the process. Not trying wasn't an option in your mind.

Honestly, it was difficult not to come up behind him and hug him, to hold him close and let him know that it was okay to break, that it was okay for him to admit those things with you, and that it didn't make you see him as less than a man. But of course that seemed more like a relationship thing than a friendship thing, not to mention you thought if you tried to do that, Ben would probably somehow get you in the same position you were three days ago when he pinned you against the car with his warm body pressed against you in all the right places and his beard tickling against the sensitive skin of your neck. And that would only send the two of you reeling back to square one, and you thought that in the past three days things seemed to be better between the two of you, more casual and more friendly.

You didn't want to ruin that when you'd practically embarrassed yourself at the party by yelling at Ben outside. So you stay in your bed, your legs still underneath your comforter, your heart no longer pounding in your chest, and your breathing even.

"Well," You say slowly. "If you have one, you know where to find me."

He glances over his shoulder at you, eyes a little wider than usual and you think that he almost looks surprised. Ben nods once and vanishes down the dark hallway going back out to your living room.

You lie back in your bed, placing your inhaler on your bedside before you do, eyes focused on the ceiling and trying not to think about how good it felt to finally talk like two normal people with Ben and trying not to think about how he let you hold on to his hand.

You drag yourself through the front door of your apartment, exhausted, sweaty, and feeling like you'd swum through a dumpster that had been sitting in the sun for a week. You knew for a fact that you smelled, you didn't need super senses for that. The look of the people that lined the sidewalks of New York while you squished down the sidewalk and up into your apartment building was enough of a clue. Everyone had given you a wide berth and you didn’t blame them. MM even rolled down the window of his car when he drove you back. And he’d made you change your clothes into a set of gym shorts and a t-shirt that reached your knees and proudly proclaimed “I love you daddy” on it.

Yeah. It was that kind of day.

MM also made you sit with a plastic bag over your head to avoid smearing the remnants of the supe that was matted in your hair onto his seats.

When you woke up to answer your phone this morning, that was blasting the UK's national anthem aka. Butcher's ringtone, you knew that your day was going to suck. He had proclaimed over the phone loudly, because Mike had already started to screech Beyonce's "Love On Top,” that he needed you to deal with a supe. You thought that he was going to send you after the electric supe, but no, he and MM had caught a whiff of a supe that was robbing banks with his ability to liquify and turn his body into an tomato colored gelatinous mass.

I know, lovely right?

But of course, Butcher had decided that you were the one for the job and so he sent MM and you, while Ben was assigned to something else on the other side of town. The mission had gone wrong in the worst way, when the supe decided that the only way to fight you was to try and drown you in his liquified flesh, bone, and sinew.

When you'd finally scattered his body in the Hudson, you'd vomited for ten minutes, trying to expel as much of the supe as you could, but you still felt disgusting. MM had tried to be supportive, but the sight of you vomiting sent him hurtling to the nearest trashcan while his own stomach heaved. Not to mention  Butcher had chewed out the both of you good for technically "killing the supe."

But you'd rather the supe died than have to go through that ordeal all over again.

You'd tried to get as much of the orangey-red goo off of your body as possible, but it stained your clothes, so you had to walk through New York city looking like a giant bucket of paint was dropped on you and feeling sticky.

You turn around and lean your forehead against the front door with a loud sigh, trying to catch your bearings before you attempt to make it to the bathroom. You were happy that Mike hadn’t come out of his apartment. You didn’t want to have to explain to him why you looked like you’d taken a bath in tomato soup. Every few minutes you'd get a whiff of yourself and feel the urge to throw up all over again, living in the moment of the supe trying to shove his liquified body down your throat.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Ben asks from the charcoal couch, a blunt perched between his lips.

The living room had already started to look like his bedroom back at the other apartment, pieces of his dirty clothing were spread over your hardwood floors, old beer bottles were sitting on your coffee table, and there was a collection of half-smoked blunts in a large ceramic pot that you were letting Ben use as an ashtray. The room was still yours though. The plants on the walls and in pots around the space had not been harmed by Ben's habitation of your apartment. You wondered if that was because Ben actually was trying to respect your rules or if he was afraid you would throw him out.

I'm going to buy him a hamper. The last thing I want is to step on his dirty underwear on my way into the kitchen.

"The next time Butcher calls, tell him I died." You groan moving into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

He turns his head to stare at you. "Is that paint?"

"Nope." You shudder taking a sip from the water bottle, swishing it around your mouth to wash out the taste.

"Then what is it?"

"It's the supe. He was disgusting." You shudder and take another sip of water. It was helping a little bit, but you eat a handful of raspberries to try and get rid of the aftertaste. "I can still taste him."

Ben smirks. "You can still taste him? What part of him did you put in your mouth?"

"Don't be disgusting." You groan. "His power was liquification, okay, he could liquify his entire body-"

"Did you swallow?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"This is why we don't talk." You narrow your eyes at Ben. "He liquified himself and tried to drown me by shoving himself down my throat."

"Drown you?" Ben sits up straighter. "Are you okay?" You watch something shift through his gaze that looks a lot like worry.

Why is he worried?

"I'm fine." You hold up a hand and watch him relax and take a hit from the blunt. "But worst superpower ever."

"I don't know, kinda sounds like a fun way to get to know someone-"

"He was an idiot. He thought that whatever he lost would replenish."

"Wait what?"

"Whatever he 'drowned' me with didn't reform on his body. So he shoved himself down my esophagus and then he couldn't figure out why he was missing a hand, didn't think about stomach acid. Idiot." You roll your eyes. "But we couldn't contain him and the only thing that I could think of was to dump him in the Hudson. He wasn't strong enough to keep himself together in the current of the bay, it’s gonna take him centuries to piece himself back together." You shake your head. "What have you been doing? I thought you had a hot Tinder date or whatever."

He'd mentioned it this morning when you saw him briefly and grabbed a granola bar on the way out of the apartment. You hadn't spoke much since last night or really had time to talk about what happened, if anything did happen. All he did was let you hold his hand and -well- kick down your mother fucking door.

You weren't looking forward to sleeping without a door, it was the only thing that separated Ben and you, the only thing that gave you a little privacy. You figured that you could just hang one of the crocheted blankets over the doorway, but you were exhausted.

Ben shrugs, letting out a lungful of smoke. "Thought I'd just relax tonight. Didn't feel like going out."

"You didn't feel like going out? Mr. Casual-?" You begin to say, eyes sweeping through the apartment and looking down the dark hallway, stopping on your bedroom doorway.

Instead of the broken mess it was this morning, a new door has replaced it. It's a beautiful dark red wood that matches the floors that run through your apartment, different than the white one that had been there previously.

"Mr. Casual?" Ben asks while raising an eyebrow, clearly confused.

You were going to call him 'Mr. Casual Sex' but you couldn't finish the thought.  "Did you fix my door?"

"Huh?"

"My door." You point down the hallway, eyes shifting back to Ben, who looks suddenly uncomfortable. "The one you broke in half."

"Yeah- uh- I know how much you like your privacy." Ben grunts looking back at the flat screen tv. There was a baseball game on, but the T.V was on mute, the blue light flickering around the small room.

You suddenly have the overwhelming urge to cry. You figured that it was everything from today crashing down on you, the frustration you had with the supe, the smell, and now Ben was actually doing something nice for you.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He still doesn’t look at you and you wonder if he's embarrassed that you pointed it out.

“Well I think I’m going to try to scrub whatever the hell this is off of me.” You say as you begin to walk down the dark hallway and Ben continues to watch the game.

“Wait Petals I’ve got something important to ask you.”

You look up at him expectantly.

“How much do you love your daddy?” His smile slips into a suggestive smirk. “Would you be willing to do anything  to keep him happy?”

“Shut up Gramps.” You flip him off and squish down the hallway to the bathroom.

When you get out of the shower you're missing several layers of skin. You'd scrubbed and scrubbed until you felt red and raw, but it was better than feeling the sticky remains of the supe all over your body. The clothes you wore were ruined and there was no saving them, but at least now you felt better.

You walk back out into the kitchen wearing a soft t-shirt and sweatpants. Ben was still sitting on the couch, but the blunt was gone. You hadn’t noticed before that his dark hair was wet, as if he had taken a shower before you got to the apartment, the smell of his shampoo was strong.

"There's pizza in the fridge." Ben glances over the back of the couch. "Much better Petals, orange is not your color. But I will say I miss the t-shirt.”

"I'm just happy that it didn't permanently stain my skin." You make your way to the fridge to pull out a slice of pizza, eating it slowly. "And very happy I didn't wear my favorite pair of jeans. I'm going to have to burn my clothes I think."

"I'm just happy you smell better." He wrinkles his nose. "Before you smelled like unwashed gym clothes and a fucking yeast infection."

"Thank you for that lovely comparison."

"You're welcome Petals." Ben presses his lips together. "Did you want to-" He pauses. "Watch a movie or something?"

"Oh, um-" You glance down the hallway. You really wanted to curl up with your newest romance novel under your covers and relax, possibly with a cup of calming blueberry tea.

Ben shakes his head. "Just fucking forget it-" He almost seemed angry with himself for suggesting something like that.

"Ben no. I do want to watch a movie with you, I just-" Your eyes flick to the t.v watching one of the baseball players hits a home run. "I kinda wanted to relax with some tea and read. I just got a new book and I haven't been able to start it yet. Annie and I are reading the same one and on Friday we're gonna have book club and I really need to decompress from everything that happened today." You say it gently, trying to let him understand that you wouldn't be opposed to the idea of watching something with him.

"Oh." Ben sits there for a moment considering what you said. "Well, do you want to sit out here? I know you don't exactly-" He clears  his throat. "Have a place to sit in your bedroom."

If Ben wasn’t living with you, you would be reading on the couch. Sitting in your living room surrounded by all of you plants always helped you relax. You hadn’t been able to do that since Ben moved in, not to mention you didn't want to encroach on his space.

“I mean if you’re watching T.V I don’t want to disturb you or anything-“ As soon as you say it, Ben hits the off button on the remote.

“I didn’t get to read the paper this morning and I’ve been trying to find the time all day.” He says, pulling the folded newspaper out from where it was folded and pushed up against the arm of the couch on his right side.

“Oh. Well. Um-“ You didn’t see anything wrong with sitting out here and reading with Ben. “Okay. I’ll just grab my book then.”

“Okay.” Ben breezes, before he glances at the left side of the couch where you would be sitting. The couch was in its upright position, which means it was more couch than bed, but Ben had stacked his blankets and pillows on the other side. “I’ll move my stuff.”

“Okay.” You say again because you weren’t really sure what to say.

You go back and grab the book from your bedside table, but stop just short of the door.

This is weird.

You think to yourself, holding the book tightly by its spine. You weren’t sure what was happening only that Ben and you were going to sit together on the couch in your living room quietly with no tv. And weirder still it was him that suggested you two do it.

He turned off the tv. He asked me to sit with him and suggested something non-sexual. You pause shifting from foot to foot. Because again Ben was confusing you. He was acting like the person you'd occasionally see when it was just the two of you, and it made you anxious. You didn’t want him to do this, to pretend to be someone you wanted just to get into your pants. It was like whiplash. Not to mention you didn't want Ben to force himself to change just for you.

Maybe… Maybe I can just go out there and pretend that this is normal and that he doesn’t just use women for sex like he told me. I will not overthink this. I will sit and read just like I planned.

You come out of your bedroom armed with your favorite crocheted granny-square blanket and the new book. Ben had cleared the left side of the sofa for you as he said he would and was now sitting with his newspaper spread out in front of him, one leg crossed over the other.

“Do you want some tea?” You ask him. You were just being polite, you knew that he would probably say no.

“Pineapple?” He actually kind of perked up as if he would have some if you made it.

“No it’s blueberry.”

Ben shakes his head. “Why do you like so many fruit teas?”

“Because they’re good and they enrich my life.” You snort before placing the book and the blanket on the couch next to Ben and go through the motions of making the tea. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“You’d be right. But could you pour me a glass of scotch?”

“Sure.”

When you’re finally hunkered down with your book and blanket, legs bent at the knee between the two of you, the book propped up on them, facing Ben with the right side of your head laying against the back of the couch, you feel yourself begin to relax. Bean is sleeping in a ball between the two of you. His soft breathing and the sound of pages being turned fills your apartment. The subtle thrum of the plants in the room soaks into your bones and you feel yourself begin to slip into the soft prose and for the first time in a long time you feel at peace. 

A/N: Annnnnddddd we're just gonna keep the Sky High References coming. Maybe the next supe they meet will glow… or turn into a guinea pig? 😅 Is it wrong that it's kinda making me want to do a Superhero High School AU with the Boys characters? That would be so crazy! I already have several other series fic ideas for Soldier Boy, but that idea is definitely going on the list to be considered.

As always thank you so much for reading and all the love and support! If you would like to be added to my taglist please let me know! 😊

Taglist:

@roseblue373 @mrsjenniferwinchester @corruptedcruiser @winchesterwild78 @the-super-who-locked-wizard

@criminalyetminimal @52ndstreeet @bitchykittenconnoisseur @anna6307 @libby99hb

@faephoria @possiblyafangirl @jqtaro @quietlybitchy @tinydancer40

@roger-that-cap @megara0224 @miskwaadesiwag @rainyeggvoidpurse

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[veronicaphoenix]

wrapped in winter embers | n.s.

One-shot ✨ Pairing: noah sebastian x fem. reader

Tags and cw: Established relationship. Christmas fluff with sexual content, hot chocolate, snow, and oral sex (both receiving), p in v, slight bondage, unprotected sex, chocolate and marshmallows included, mentions of pregnancy, and a glittery dick (yes, read to find out what I’m talking about). Not beta read. Just needed to get this out of my head. Enjoy :) | AO3

WRAPPED IN WINTER EMBERS

I found myself sitting in awe before the giant Christmas tree that had been set up in the expansive living room of our recently acquired home. We had moved in a mere ten months ago, and I had been looking forward to Christmas so that I could put a giant pine tree in the corner and decorate it from top to bottom. It had been a recurring dream of mine since childhood.

            The tree had been brought in that morning, but Noah and I hadn’t started decorating until afternoon. I’d been running some errands in the morning while Noah took care of the delivery, and I nearly screamed when I entered the house and saw the tree in the space in the corner that we had left specially for it. 

            As the kitchen was cleared from our lunch and the house assumed a soothing sense of order, Noah and I set up to spend that afternoon and evening adorning the tree and extending the holidays spirit throughout the house. 

            We put some cute decorations in the entrance and had also placed small figurines and pots with artificial greenery and snow on the furniture around the house. Our main dining table and the coffee table in front of the television had also been adorned with delightful stuff that we had bought in a shopping Christmas trip we did to Target last week.

            Now that we had a place of our own, it was the first time we put two red stockings on the fireplace with our names on them, and it was so lovely. 

            Nearly an hour into the tree decoration, we ran out of ornaments, and Noah decided to make a quick trip to a store in town to get some more. I told him it was not necessary. We could go together on Monday, but he insisted, given that tomorrow would be Sunday and the shops would be closed, and our tree would remain unfinished for another day and a half. 

            He pecked me on the lips as he zipped his winter jacket and left after grabbing the house and car keys from the small tray we kept in the entrance. I told him to drive safe, given that it was snowing outside. It wasn’t much but enough to cover the ground about two inches. 

            By the time Noah came back, not more than twenty minutes later, I was sat on the floor, busying myself rearranging the twinkling ornaments to sooth my OCD. I couldn’t shake the feeling that both sides of the tree were stuffed unevenly, and it was driving me nuts.  

            The content smile on my face fell as I looked towards the entrance, where he was struggling to remove his boots while his hands were fully occupied. I stood up, leaving a golden garland on the floor and quickly walked to him.  

            “What’s all this?” I asked, grabbing one of the boxes that he carried in his arms, clearing his vision, hitherto obscured by the cardboard monolith.  “You should’ve called me. I would have gone outside to help you bring these in.”

            “It’s freezing outside, baby. I didn’t want you to get cold. Besides, it wasn’t a problem.”

            “You would’ve probably tripped on the carpet and fallen on top of these,” I said, smiling sheepishly at him after I set the box I carried next to the tree. 

            “Yeah, and that would have been so much fun for you, right?”

            I moved my shoulders up and down, feigning an innocent expression. 

            “Yes, play good girl all you want, princess.” He set down the other box and removed his jacket, walking back to the house entrance to keep it in the main wardrobe. He came back, clad in his Bad Omens hoodie, sweatpants, and the winter socks that I had recently got him from a new shop that had opened in town. He took a seat on the carpet next to me. “How is it going?” He asked regarding my work during his absence. While waiting for my answer, he ripped the tape of one of the boxes and opened it, diving into its contents.

            “Well, how does it look?” I moved back, leaning on his shoulder so that we could assess the tree together from a small distance. 

            He hummed in satisfaction and proceeded to empty the boxes. There was so much stuff in them that I thought we would have to buy another tree, after all. Maybe a small one that we could put outside on the porch. Not a bad idea. 

            “Oh, you got the glittery ones?” I asked as I held a box of eight perfect Christmas balls painted in vibrant glossy red and coated with a golden layer of glitter. 

            “I know you said to get the plain shiny ones,” he replied, finishing unpacking and setting the different plastic bags and cases containing all kinds of ornaments in one side. “But these ones looked so good.”

            “There will be glitter everywhere for months. This thing is super static, but yeah, they look nice. Thanks.”

            As we busied ourselves unpacking some of the things, I noticed a couple of garlands and a satin ribbon that look extremely similar to the velvety ones that Noah kept upstairs, in our bedroom. I looked up at him, wondering what had been on his mind when he entered the Christmas shop downtown, but he was distracted removing the plastic from some other random decorations. 

            We spent the next hour finishing the tree. Two weeks ago, I had bought a ladder on Amazon, thinking that it would be helpful for events like this, but truth was that I hadn’t really thought much before purchasing it, and it ended up being pretty useless, especially when Noah was around. 

            After hearing his complaints about the ladder for a solid five minutes, I gave up and I asked him to pick me up, much to his satisfaction. He willingly crouched down (with a grin on his face) to let me hop onto his shoulders, and as he straightened up, the world beneath me transformed. Everything certainly looked different from up here, and it was also a bit scary. 

            “Be still,” I told him. The only way I could grab onto him as I set the star on top of the tree was by tightening my thighs against his head. 

            “Ease that grip, tigress. I’m not going to let you fall,” he replied, holding onto my thighs with his hands. 

When the final touch was complete, I clapped, full of joy. Noah, seizing the opportunity, thought it would be funny to start swaying right and left, threatening to dislodge me from his shoulders. I clutched at his hair, using it as an anchor and pulling whenever I thought I was going to fall down, and his laughter morphed into a sudden yelp of pain. I gave his shoulder a playful slap, scolding him, only to be met with another round of sways. I lost my balance, but he was prepared to catch me and wrapped his arms around me as I wrapped my limbs around his slender, towering frame. By the time I bit his neck, we were both laughing, filling the cozy space of our home with the sound. 

He trailed a path of kisses and lovely nib bites down my neck and sternum, causing me to shiver. Sensing my slight chill, Noah proposed starting a fire and preparing hot chocolate.

I was clearing out the plastic and empty envelopes strewn across the floor when he queried if I wanted cream and marshmallows on my drink. I wasn’t very keen on the cream, but that day I fancied some marshmallows, and I replied with a delighted “yes, please” from the living room. Even though the kitchen seamlessly melded into the living room, I was out of Noah’s sight, positioned on the other side of the sofa. In the background Christmas music played from a speaker nestled in a corner of the kitchen counter.  

The mug warmed up my hands when Noah offered to me. He kissed my hair and let me sit back down in front of the tree to wonder where we could put the rest of the new decorations. Noah took a seat in his favorite armchair, a cozy grey piece that we found in a second-hand furniture shop and that he had sent for repairing. He loved spending hours there when he was reading a book or whenever he was on a phone call that extended for too long. Whenever I was alone in the house or he was locked in his studio, I would steal his place and sit there myself, cozy up with a blanket and a good book and wait until he come back. He would feign shock at the fact that I was sitting on his favorite spot, he would pick me up and carry me to the sofa, where I would keep my hold on him to avoid him getting away. Many evenings that winter we had fallen asleep on the sofa, Noah on top of me, after a slow kissing session driven by our playful fight about the armchair. Some other times we would end up having delicious sex. 

            For a while, it was quiet in the house, the tranquil hush only interrupted by the occasional noise I made while playing around with the Christmas decorations. The air carried the warm essence of hot chocolate, infused with the comforting aroma of cinnamon and the warmth coming from the fireplace. As I took in how happy I was, I looked at Noah, who was responsible for making this dream of mine a reality. He was sat slouched in his armchair, scrolling down on his phone as he indulged in the warm drink. His legs were casually parted, and he looked so damn good in his black sweatpants. I knew from experience how good I fitted between those two legs. Memories from previous times sparked a sudden yearning, heat coiling up in the pit of my stomach. 

            In a matter of seconds, my attention shifted from the adorned tree and Christmas trinkets. I moved silently toward him, crawling my way between his legs until I was seated on my knees, on my heels, in front of him, right between his legs. I looked up and bat my eyelashes. 

            Noah moved the hand that was holding the mug aside and directed his gaze downward, meeting mine.  

            “Hi, there, pretty girl.”

            I licked my lips and slid my hands from his knees to his thighs.  

            “What are you doing?” He asked. Oh, he knew very well. “You wanna suck me?”

            “Yeah.”

            There was a moment of hesitation in his actions, probably because he was taking in my proposition and was being consumed by the sudden excitement inside of him. He kept the mug and his iPhone on a small wooden table by the armchair.

            “Go on, kitten.”

            One of his hands moved to the back of my head and encouraged me forward. My hands found the waistband of his sweatpants. I pulled them down alongside his underwear as he lifted his hips for two seconds. 

            My throat went dry at the sight in front of me. He was already half hard. I hadn’t even touched him, and he was already eager at the idea of my mouth on him. 

            I leaned down, opening my mouth. I licked the head once. It was salty, earthy. All man. I lapped at him again, hearing him hissing in a breath, and delved right into it, filling my mouth with his thickening length. His hands found the back of my head, fisting my hair. He buckled up slowly, forcing me to take him all in, until I had him at the back of my throat. My mouth felt overfull as I worked him back up and down, his little whimpers and curses filling my ears. 

            I moved back once, his hand freeing my hair and his cock slipping from my lips. I licked them, looking intently at him. He smiled wide and bright, and brushed some strands of hair out of my face and onto the back of my ear. 

            “Keep going, baby.”

            Taking a deep breath, I leaned in again, sliding his cock in against my tongue, setting a blistering pace. “That’s it. Fuck. Deeper? Yeah, just like that. Good girl.”

            The taste of him suffused me. I held onto his thighs as he slid in and out of my mouth. One of his hands found support on my hair again, something that he loved doing. I knew he was almost there as I felt him tensing his grip on my hair and how his hips snapped forward and his head fell back on the recliner. He was losing it. I was enamored with the image of him in that state, even if I couldn’t engorge myself too much on it because I was busy with his cock in my mouth. If anything, knowing how powerless he was in that moment, how vulnerable he was for me, I sucked him deeper, tightening my mouth around his thick length, and playing with my tongue as I felt him pulsing inside and I heard his whimpers increase. A salty liquid coated my tongue and the back of my throat. I struggled to swallow, but I did it as I slowly slid him out of me. 

            He muttered a curse as his whole body released from the high. I stayed on my knees, licking my lips, and watching him with utter adoration. I would spend the whole day worshipping him like this if he’d let me. 

            “I don’t know what Christmas gift you’re planning to get me, but trust me,” he said, taking a pause to regain his breathing, “nothing will beat this up.” 

            “I’ll take note of it,” I joked. 

            After a moment, he kicked his sweatpants away from his feet, bent forward and helped me get up from the floor. He lifted me onto him and settled me on his bare lap. 

            “What a lucky motherfucker I am,” he whispered. With a hand on the back of my neck, he pushed my face down onto his and I drowned in the kiss. 

            We kissed for a while, oblivious to the snow falling outside and the cracking of the fire behind us. When I pulled away, Noah’s cheeks were flushed pink. I moved a few strands of hair out of his face, and he studied mine for a second or two before picking me up and standing up. 

            “Is your period over?”

            I nodded. 

            “Choose: the kitchen isle or the carpet?”

            The idea of both scenarios made me wet.

Wetter. 

            “Both?” I appealed. 

            “Someone’s cheeky today, huh?” He noted with hint of amusement. 

He walked us to the kitchen isle. 

            “I’m feeling festive.”

            “Sure you are,” he replied, holding a laugh. 

            He set me on the isle, and I let out a little scream at the cold surface. I was wearing grey leggings and the layer of fabric was very thin. I could feel the cold spreading through every inch of my body. 

            “Don’t worry, baby. I’m going to heat you up so badly you’re going to beg me to switch on the AC.” 

            He captured my mouth in his again. He pushed me back, forcing me to lay down on my back, my skin protected by the white top and the oversized sweater I was wearing. He ordered to lift my hips and he removed my socks, leggings and underwear, eyeing them and lifting a brow. 

            “Someone’s very aroused,” he said, eyeing the embarrassing stain covering my panties. 

            “Clearly,” I replied, pointing with my eyes at his growing erection. 

            “Bratty girl”, his voice got muffled by the fabric of his hoodie and shirt coming out. 

            I was going to say something but then two of his fingers slid down my curls and then to my folds, and the words got stuck in my throat. 

            “Fuck, Noah.”

            “That’s what I’m gonna do: fuck you.” He slid a finger in. I closed my eyes, focusing on the sensation brought by the movement induced by his long finger, sliding in and out in a tortuous dance. “But I need to have a taste first. Isn’t it wonderful that this isle has the perfect size for me to get on my knees and dip my mouth between your legs?” 

            I didn’t have time to think or utter another word before his tongue was on me. I gasped and struggled for my next breath, but he didn’t care. He toyed with me, slipping another finger and fondling my walls, sticking to his promise of heating me up. I couldn’t feel the cold of the marble anymore. I could only feel his warmth breath on my skin, the texture of his tongue lapping at my clit. He was fucking talented, and I could only give in to his pleasure, which moved to another level when he moved back, stood up, and grabbed his cock in his hand to guide it towards my entrance. 

            “You look so pretty all wet and ready for me.”

            “Please…”

            His hand slid up my belly, making its way underneath the fabric of the sweater and the top until it reached one of my breasts. Holding onto it, he used his other hand to position his cock in my pussy. Then he pushed in. I grasped his tattooed forearms. He started thrusting, his face tense, his expression one of contained self-control. My nipple ached between his fingers, and my heels dig onto his backside as I urged him closer, deeper into me. 

            “Noah, I don’t think I’m going to be able to hold it for long,” I manage to mumble between cries. 

            “Well, I’m not ready to let you come yet.” 

Not a moment had passed that he slid his arms underneath my body and picked me up again, securing me against his frame with his arms and hands. He walked us to the center of the living room, by the Christmas tree. He sat me on the floor and told me to sit up the two seconds it took him to remove the remaining pieces of clothing I had on. I laid back down. The cracking from the fireplace and the scent of the two mugs of hot chocolate still lingering in the air, adding an extra layer of warm to our sweaty bodies.  

Confusion suddenly etched my features as I saw him taking my hot chocolate from the spot on the floor where I had left it. He took a sip, taking his time indulging in it. 

            “Lucky you,” he started saying, “the chocolate is still warm.” 

            He set it down next to my body, dipped his fingers in the chocolate and picked a marshmallow. A second after, he was playing with it around my nipple, leaving a trail of hot liquid chocolate around the peak of my breast. My breath was caught on my throat as I watched the lust in his eyes.

            “I’m gonna eat you all up,” he promised before he put the marshmallow in his mouth and descended into my breasts. 

He covered me in drops of warm liquid, watching my body shiver every time the chocolate touched my skin and smirking at the desperation showing and growing on my face. He repeated the same pattern for a few times, tracing drawings on my chest and stomach, chewing at the marshmallows and even putting one of them on my mouth, his tongue sliding too far down a couple of times and lapping at me once, twice. The last time he dipped his fingers in the mug, he led them to my mouth and asked me to lick them off, which earned me a sweet “good girl” from him. 

He gave up the rest of the hot chocolate and focused on the task of sinking himself on me again, but he stopped for just a second, eyeing the point where our bodies where about to merge, then guiding his gaze to me. 

            “Do we have any condoms here?” He asked, looking around as if remembering where we had placed the last box we bought. 

            “No…” I answered. A thought raced my mind. It had been there before, but I had never really said it aloud. Until now. I swallowed and said in a low voice, “It’s okay.” 

            “It’s okay?” He repeated, eyebrows furrowed. 

            I started smiling and he knew me too well to discern what my expression meant. 

            “Do you mean I can…? I can do it inside?” His pupils expanded.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

            I nodded impatiently. 

            “This means… Pff,” he sat back on his heels, looking down as if suddenly lost in thought. He raked a hand through his hair. “Are you thinking about…?”

            “Yeah…” I whispered. I sat up to run two fingers down the side of his face. I didn’t have to say it out loud to know that the same images were crossing his mind. The bottom of the tree filled with Christmas gifts and a few kids running around, chasing each other, filling the house with their sweet and loud laughs, and Noah and me looking at them from the sofa, where we were cuddled up in each other’s arms, drinking hot chocolate. 

“Well, now I can’t definitely shake off the idea of having a little you driving me crazy around this house,” he suddenly stated. 

“So…?”

“So,” his body covered mine, his eyes diving into mine. “I’ll ask one more time. Are you sure? You want me to fill you up?”

“Yes.”

“This is— You are gonna be the death of me. Wait a second.” 

He ruffled through the stuff set on the floor, toppling one of the boxes containing the glittery balls. They scattered around in all direction, rolling beneath the tree and weaving through our legs. He moved them aside until he found the satin ribbon. 

I knew it. 

            He requested for my hands, and I offered them to him, the inner side of my wrists gently meeting. With practiced precision, it took him less than a minute to tie them up in a very elaborate knot that showed off his skills in the art of Shibari. He had been interested in it for a long time, having read plenty of books. However, it wasn’t until one evening, filled with a hint of shyness, that he approached me and asked if he could try it on me. Surprisingly for the two of us, we both enjoyed it, leading to an ongoing exploration where he continued to refine his arts on my body.  

Once tied, he let them rest over my belly for a second and admired me, flush filling up my cheeks. 

            “My perfect Christmas gift,” he said. 

            “I’m naked,” I replied, a bit self-conscious.

            “That’s how I like my presents: unwrapped but tied. Now be good, yeah? Or else, Santa will not bring you any presents.” 

“I have mine exactly where I want it…” I smirked and Noah mirrored my expression as he lowered his head to kiss me. It was soft, gentle, passionate. His lips molding to mine in a way that would drive me insane anytime. I would remember his taste and his scent for ages and ages.  

With my arms positioned a top of my head, his mouth claimed mine again and his body filled mine, every inch of skin touching, gliding against each other as we started moving.

We fucked relentlessly, my screams increasing with every thrust, filling up our house. The sweat covering Noah’s body intensifying as waves of heat enveloped us not only from the fire burning mere meters away from us, but from the one growing and growing inside of our bodies. 

When the moment came, I wanted to witness his expression with my own eyes. I was a prisoner underneath his body, but he was mine to admire and adore.

“Noah, look at me. Keep your eyes on me.”

But it was too much. His gaze bore into mine, but his features were tensing and a muscle in his jaw ticked until he couldn’t hold it any longer and he sank his head in my neck with a primal growl.

            It was the first time he came inside of me, and I never heard him groaning the way he did that afternoon as he emptied himself inside of me. I was overcome by a new and strange sensation. A part of him was now inside of me and would stay with me forever. It was different than saying he occupied a place in my heart. This was totally, undoubtedly different. This was physical. Primal. And I loved it. I wanted to stay in that moment, in that warmth that spread inside of me, his pulse beating against my walls. 

            I moved my tied arms and put them over his head, around his neck, until my fingers could graze the sweaty hair at the back of his neck. He struggled to regain his breathing. The weight of his entire body laid on mine. 

            “You look so pretty when you’re coming,” I said softly.

            Noah’s shy laugh against my neck, below my ear, made me giggle underneath him.

            “You’re spoiling me, you know?” He said, nibbling at my jaw. Even though his face remained hidden, I could see in my mind the flush that covered his cheeks every time I complimented him. 

            “I want to make you happy.”

            “You’re my happiness,” he replied. A kiss laid on the pulse of my neck.

            “That’s sweet.” 

            He touched my cheek, and finally lifted his head from the crook of my neck. Tattooed knuckles tenderly grazing against my skin. 

            “I’m not lying.”

            “I know.”

            I kissed him. He kept me in his embrace for a while, taking a moment to check my face, move the hair out of it, and make sure I was okay.

He straightened up on his knees and pulled out softly, making us both feel the last trace of our union. He looked attentively at the point in which our bodies stopped being connected, and I heard him say “it’s all inside, fuck,” and a smile tugging at a corner of his lips before he got up. He told me to wait as he went to the bathroom to grab some wipes and clean us up a bit. 

I heard him curse from the bathroom downstairs a few seconds later. 

            “Is something wrong?” I asked from the floor.

            “My dick's got glitter in it!” 

            “I told you about the glittery balls!” 

            “You’re telling me!”

I cracked up at his reply. Then I heard him muttering: “How the fuck did it get here?” 

I could picture him holding his dick with one hand, observing his length and his glittery balls and trying to remove the small particles with a tissue paper. 

            When he came back, he was holding a packet of wipes in one hand, his dick hanging lose between his legs, softening, but he still looked as much a man as he looked when he was pounding inside of me. 

I loved him with all my soul, and I would never stop feeling lucky for getting to call him mine.

            “What a cute little Christmas thing you are, aren’t you?” He said when he noticed that my thighs and belly were also shining with particles of glitter that had glued to my skin. 

I was laying down by the Christmas tree, covered in glitter, all flushed and used. 

            “I’m still tied.”

            I hadn’t bothered to move because I felt… euphoric. Nothing had changed. Yet, everything could have. I still felt Noah’s liquid drip inside of me and it was… strange yet welcome. And the thought that I could be pregnant in the next minutes, if not already, had me floating in a dream. 

            “And if I had my way, you would stay like that for hours while I eat you out and make you come over and over again,” he said, looking down at me from his full height. 

            Noah knelt beside me and untied me. His warm hands massaged my wrists briefly before he extracted a couple of wipes from a thick plastic envelope. As the damp cool cotton touched my skin, I startled. 

            “Cold?” he asked.

            “Yeah.”

            “Sorry,” he apologized, and maneuvered my body so that I was closer to the fireplace. The comforting warmth enveloped me, and I just stared at the flickering flames for a while, taking in the events of the evening, a sense of satisfaction and tranquility settling over me.

            Suddenly, I felt Noah’s hand on my tummy. When I turned my head, he was lying face down on the carpet next to me, his head propped on one hand while his other was caressing the skin of my belly. 

            “I’ve never felt anything quite like it before,” he confessed in a hushed tone, gaze fixed on my body. We had always used condoms, and if not, he had always pushed out before he orgasmed. “That was incredible. Thanks.” 

            “Maybe this will be our Christmas gift,” I replied, placing my hand on top of his. 

            Noah studied our joined hands, his smile widening. There was a glint in his eyes that filled my heart with happiness. 

            Leaning down, he kissed me, whispering a slow and tender “I love you” against my lips. My response echoed his three words. 

I brushed some strands of wild hair away from his face. 

            He peppered some kisses down my shoulder. 

            “Want to take a shower?”

            “I think we actually need it,” I acknowledged. “Might help us remove that glitter.” 

I looked down at him. Indeed, his dick had glitter in it. I just needed to tie a bow with that red ribbon and tadah! My Christmas gift!

            “Don’t you even think about sharing this with the guys. They would never let me see the end of it.” 

            The topic clouded my other thoughts, and I found myself laughing as Noah helped me up. I couldn’t restrain myself as he pushed us towards the bathroom in the main suite upstairs, and by the time our naked feet hit the cold tiles in the shower, we were both cracking up. 

[sealochs]

a year in review

my therapist recommended that i sit down, go through my diary & calendar & blog, & compile a list of everything i have done this year so that i have incontrovertible evidence of the immense amount of things i have achieved, survived & overcome in the past twelve months. & it has been so affirming & empowering to do; at the end of a year which has felt so overwhelming, i can hardly believe that i actually achieved all of these things. & w. was there for very, very few of them. i deserved & deserve so much better, so much stronger, so much kinder.

anyway, i'm putting the list under the cut, & warmly recommending this to everyone as an activity in self-respect, self-love, self-reflection, etc., etc., & co.

i maintained, cleared and sold my late Mum's house this involved constant emails & phone calls all year, exhausting journeys of over 300 miles by train & then by car once i had my licence, endless tip runs & charity shop runs, selling furniture on eBay & arranging for collections, liaison with estate agents, speed learning a lot about property & finance, exhausting garden maintenance & cleaning, fights with the council who kept fucking up the tax liabilities; and none of this is to mention the emotional difficulty of sorting through my mum's things, deciding what to keep & what to give away & what to sell, & the grief of leaving her house for the final time in july; the house where i had cared for her, the home she had lived & died in. & i did almost all of it entirely on my own.

i bought my own flat in Edinburgh a joyful counterpoint to the above; a safe place finally to land, which i can make entirely my own; i think it's about the best thing i could have done for myself post-breakup, but it is also a very real way of closing the door on my relationship, & i've felt very bittersweet about that. i have also had to make removals plans over the festive period & balance a lot of very time-sensitive admin with similarly time-sensitive end of semester marking. the move in january will be exhausting, but so so wonderful when it is done & i am settled.

i wrote the 2nd chapter of my PhD all 20,000+ words of it! & i have done, of course, all the reading, thinking, editing & rewriting which this involved. but it is now a very solid, very good chapter, & only needs minor edits to be polished. that i managed to pull this off around everything to do with mum's house is truly incredible to me. i don't know how it happened but it did, & it's work that i am so proud of.

i taught on 3 summer schools one in st andrews, one online & one in cambridge. i wrote & gave two lectures, one on mrs dalloway & one on a sketch of the past, & delivered large- & small-group teaching on five different woolf texts. they were such rewarding experiences, & i cannot wait for next year's.

i taught my 1st undergraduate course an introduction to english literature course, 1800 to present day! like the summer schools, this was so wonderfully rewarding. i got to plan & deliver a semester's worth of seminars, & mark coursework essays & exams. i learnt so much about what works & doesn't work for this kind of course, & can't wait to apply those lessons to next semester's teaching. the fact that i even managed to deliver my classes on mrs dalloway the day after w. broke up with me, & find joy in doing so, is probably a highlight, actually. it shows me how good i am at what i do; i can do it with a broken heart.

i went on 2 archive trips one to king's college, cambridge, & one to the british library in london. i made really significant discoveries on both trips & i'm so looking forward to writing them all up into my 3rd chapter next year. both of these archive trips were also done around trips to mum's house to do clearance & maintenance & meet estate agents, & again the fact that i managed still to make them so productive is incredible to me.

i presented at my university's graduate conference & submitted an abstract for next year's international woolf conference! a light conferencing load for me this year, because i simply didn't have time for them, but i already have so many on my cv that i'm feeling very at peace with that.

i passed my theory & practical driving test got my licence finally in may, which made the final stages of dealing with mum's house easier; actually passed in the pissing rain while suffering from a horrendous cold, then did the long drive to the midlands only a few weeks later.

i went to therapy consistently even when it was hard; even when i didn't know what to talk about; even when i felt like i was constantly repeating myself; i trusted the process & i'm so glad i did.

i broke up with my phone this was a gamechanger in september. some of it has slipped since my actual breakup, but some of it has stuck, & i'm hopeful that i'll get back to a more phoneless existence in the new year. at the end of september i felt so much more present, so much more alive, so much more observant & focused & active. i'd like to feel that way again.

i travelled i was so lucky to travel to dublin, iceland, new york, india & france this year; i'm hoping for more european city breaks next year. vienna is already booked for january, & prague, stockholm & copenhagen are on my wish list. solo travel is a big goal.

i reinvested in my hobbies & interests i went pretty regularly to a weekly writing group! i did two blocks of pottery classes! i got a swim membership & took up regular swimming again! i walked & hiked & went wild swimming when i could! i also read 14 books, which maybe isn't a lot, but in the context of everything else i did this year it's something i'm proud of, & i enjoyed every single one. i also cooked a lot of new things, & fed myself well for the most part.

& in addition to all these things; all of this hard work, all of these decisions, all of the admin, & all of my grief, i still held so much time & space for my friends this year. i think this may be what i'm most proud of. going through my diary & calendar, there are so many entries for dinners & visits & trips & drinks with friends, new & old. i have for the most part managed to be present for the people i love & who love me, despite everything. if there's anything i definitely want to take into the new year, it's that.

[michellemisfit]

WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY - FIRSTS!

Tagged by @suzy-queued @deedala @darlingian @heymrspatel @lingy910y @energievie @mybrainismelted @blue-disco-lights

Name: Michelle

Age: Currently getting a kick out of telling people that I’m nearly 40 and having them go ‘NO WAY!!!’ - It’s funny and flattering :)

First Pet: Siberian gerbils called Tom & Jerry

First Word: No idea. Turns out my parents kept a baby book for my older brother where they painstakingly recorded all of that stuff. I found mine a few years ago and it’s got a grand total of 3 entries, one of which is talking about how chubby I am, and how I am yet to find a food I’ll say no to, and let’s hope that’s not a sign of things to come… after which it was abandoned. Thanks mum.

First Celebrity Crush: Leonardo DiCaprio

First IRL Crush: Dominik. We hung out basically every day after school. I would go round to his house and he would play me the latest Michael Jackson tape and show me new dance steps that he’d taught himself. I thought he was so cool.

First Kiss: Age 14 with my first boyfriend. He was 20 years old. We were in a relationship for over a year. Shit was fucked up. At the risk of repeating myself… Thanks mum.

First Car: Bebop 🚙 He’s my baby and I bought him this year and I love him! He’s a turquoise 2013 Toyota Yaris Hybrid.

First apartment/house/dorm/whatever away from your parents: Heh. I moved straight from my childhood bedroom to a different country. If you’re gonna do something, do it right! lol

First Time on a Plane: I was… 18 months old? Parents went on holidays to Florida. I have about 3 memories from that trip.

First Cellphone: Nokia 3210 😎

First Concert: David Hasselhoff. I was maybe… 6? And I got very tired and slept through the second half, but my parents woke me up for Looking for Freedom, which was my favourite song of his.

First Foreign country you visited? Italy or France most likely. Pure proximity, and most of our family vacations were done by car from Switzerland so…

First sport you ever played? Hmm. I did competitive swimming when I was very young. And then gymnastics. And after that… about five minutes of football (the only sport I to this day do not understand. How do I run AND kick a ball simultaneously?!?), then 3 years of tennis, 2 years of basketball, 8 years of roller hockey, and a whole smattering of other sports on and off.

First career aspiration? I mean… I basically wanted to be a Disney Princess, purely for the Animal Best Friend aspect! And then any form of Animal Whisperer would have done the trick. I watched all the TV shows and movies where characters had magical bonds with animals, and I wanted that. And then I realised that the characters in the shows and movies aren’t real, but the people training and handling those animals *are*. However that wasn’t something realistic to aspire to, being Swiss, so instead I became a bookseller (somehow that made sense at the time… 🤷����‍♂️). And then 15 years later, in a different country and a different life, I did end up training animals for TV and film. So that’s kinda nifty.

And finally… tell me about the first time you wrote/drew/created/whatever something that made you think “wow”

Hmmm. I dunno. I thought I was really fucking talented when I was about 12. I wrote a novel and sent it to publishing houses and literary agencies. One of them invited me for an interview, because they thought my writing was great and they wanted to meet the kid that had sent them a manuscript aged 12/13. They ended up giving me a job, working as a admin/secretary/slush pile reader. They also gave me lots of feedback and constructive criticism on my writing. I scrapped the novel I had sent them in favour of writing a different, better novel. I still think that novel was pretty fucking good. I tried to get my mum to proof read it and give me feedback so I could do any necessary corrections before I spent my pocket money on photocopies, C4 envelopes, and a whole bunch of stamps so I could attempt to get it published again. She was dragging her feet and I tried to explain the urgency, because I was clear that it needed to happen before I turned 14. That was the goal in my head. I had huge ambitions and dreams. I was also convinced that if it happened after I turned 14 it wouldn’t be special anymore. Like anyone could do it after 14… 🙄 In response to this my mum told me that she’d had ambition and dreams, too, when she was my age. But not to worry, that’ll go away, and once you’ve put away the fanciful notions of being talented then you can just get on with your life…

Not sure if this actually answers the question, but that was kinda the first and last time I remember feeling uncomplicatedly good about and proud of something I created. After this anything creative I did was always immediately followed by the doubt of ‘is this actually good, or is this just a fanciful notion I have about being talented, when in actual fact it sucks?’ 🤷🏽‍♂️

Wow. Ended that on a downer, didn’t I?

…

Erm… I wrote Tell me we’ll never get used to it,

They’re the only two people left that know what it’s like to have loved and to have lost a Lightwood.

And it’s a good story.

There.

I said it…

Tagging @crossmydna @palepinkgoat @too-schoolforcool @vintagelacerosette @heymacy @loftec @mikhailoisbaby @rereadanon @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @ian-galagher @andthatisnotfake @francesrose3 @faejilly @jrooc @creepkinginc if you fancy playing? I’m just very exited I’m actually posting this on a Wednesday still! Whoop!!

[lysarria]

This is an idea I had a while back but I didn't go for it. I've been working on a 2 part Sy fic and then my lovely friend @mayloma wrote about Trainer!Sy and it sparked up this idea again and I decided to just go for it. Sorry in advance for typos 🤪. I'm still new to writing but I enjoy it a lot. Thank you for reading 🥰🤗

Warnings: 18+, cussing, sexual thoughts, sexual talk, hot and horny Sy 🥵

Word count: 904

A change in plans

I rushed back to my desk after the work meeting had ended and it went way past the allotted time of 4:30 p.m. I looked at the time on my laptop before it shut down - 5:25pm. Fuck! I had no way of letting Sy know during the meeting that it looked like it would be going over. Damnit. I quickly grabbed my phone and purse and ran out of the building. Tapping my phone screen but no response... I pushed the power button... nothing. Are you fucking serious? My phone battery is dead? I had such a busy day at work I barely used it. I thought I had charged it. What else will happen? I unlocked my car and plopped into the driver seat and tossed my purse onto the passenger seat. I reached for my charger cord and notice it's missing. Why ?!!! Fucckk! Sy is probably worried about me and I have no way to charge my phone to call him. I remember I had left my charger in his truck from our random day trip we took last weekend. During the drive home I had many thoughts in my head. Sy knows that sometimes my meetings can go over but also those times I had a charged phone and could communicate with him.

I had reached our driveway. His truck is in the driveway. As I am getting closer to our house I notice Sy standing outside all dressed up. His hair is styled. Beard is shaped up. He looks so incredibly handsome. Oh fuck....he wanted to take me out on a Friday night date to a restaurant that's out on the river with a beautiful outdoors seating setup.

I pull up next to his truck and as I am getting out he leans up against the sliding glass doors, crossing his arms and stares at me.

Me: Bear, I'm so so so sorry. My meeting went past time and I had no way to tell you. I was going to call you otw to my car and my phone battery had died and then discovered I forgot my car charger in your truck.....

*looking back at his truck and then turning to look back at Sy*

I really am sorry. I've not had much luck this evening it seems. I slowly begin to walk towards Sy and I can smell the sandalwood cologne that I had bought for him. This man sends me into overdrive so easily.

Sy - *continues to stare* I was gettin' pretty worried about ya Sug. I sent ya some texts and then I called but went straight to voicemail. I am glad you are home safe. I was giving ya a bit more time to get home before I went to check on ya. I was excited to take ya out tonight for a date but I've made a change in our plans....

Me - *walking closer to Sy* We can still go! Give me a few minutes to freshen up. It's not too late to go. *I reach for him and he steps back and I felt my heart sink and then I was concerned. Trying to not let tears form*

Sy - tsk tsk. I said I made a change in our plans for this evening. You've been a naughty girl today. You didn't charge your phone last night. You forgot your charger in my truck. You wore those sexy dress pants today that hug your ass so perfectly and then you had to wear that peach color tank top that looks so good with your skin color. Ya might have been at work all day but seeing ya wearing that outfit this morning....ya know it's one of my favorites and watching your cute self getting ready to leave for work and then ya kiss me and you had on that sweet tasting lipgloss...ya don't realize how close I was to telling you to call into work so I could keep ya all to myself today. I've almost gone crazy today with thoughts about ya and how eager I was for ya to come home, baby.

Me - *I notice that he isn't mad. Nope...that's not mad. The way he's breathing. Watching his chest go up and down. That look in his eyes. I looked down slightly and noticed the huge buldge in his pants and my eyes widen and feel my cheeks get warm. I quickly snapped my eyes back to Sy and I feel my heart rate speed up.*

I want to make it all up to you my bear and show you I'm sorry.

Sy - Don't ya worry sugababy. I've already thought up a few ideas on how ya can make up for being so naughty today *grins and winks* and each idea will have you moaning my name over and over.

Me - *Staring at this hunk of a man and inhaling the scent of his cologne and feeling my body start to shake from being turned on*

I love you, Sy.

Sy quickly approaches me and picks me up and puts me over his shoulder and smacks my ass a couple of times as he takes me into the house and I can't help but giggle and feeling excited for these new plans that he made.

Sy - my naughty girl is giggling right now but those giggles will soon turn into heavy breathing and moans. I love you too, Sugababy.

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

june 7, 2016 london, england orion

Somehow, my roommates chose not to join me in London to see 5SOS again. We’d had so much fun at the Madrid show, but after Calum extended the invite to visit the band again, they all declined the offer. I didn’t like the thought of not seeing Cal at least once or twice more, so I booked my flight as soon as I could, choosing the cheapest option possible. It meant spending the night on the floor at the airport so I could catch the earliest flight today and still take the metro before it shut down at 2, but that also meant I landed pretty early on in the day.

Calum and I will have the whole day together. Well, the whole day aside from their soundcheck and other band obligations. I’ll be here with them tomorrow, too, but Calum said they’d have press for most of the day, so I’ll get to explore alone, and then after tomorrow’s show I’m tagging along to Brighton before flying back to Spain.

He’d offered to send a car to pick me up at the airport, but I declined. He tried to fight back and insist, but I felt like it was incredibly unnecessary. I can handle myself. So, once I made my way through customs, I followed the signs to the underground station and hopped on the next train that goes toward the direction of the hotel Calum said they’re staying at.

While I ride the tube, I text him.

To: calum 5sos

hi! on my way to you now. probably like 20 min!

I told him that I would be here early, so I’m hoping he’s awake.

The train is packed with commuters, so I feel extra cautious of being pickpocketed. My valuables are in my crossbody that I have in front of me, but my backpack is stuffed with clothes and makeup. I grip my phone as tightly as I can.

Calum texts me back quickly.

From: calum 5sos

hi pretty! I’m ready to go whenever you get here. can’t wait to see ya!

Suddenly I feel nervous to see him. I did my makeup on the plane and used a ton of overpriced dry shampoo I’d bought at the airport, but now I’m wondering if I look pretty enough to be hanging out with an internationally famous musician.

It’s also funny because it’s only been a few days since I last saw him, and yet, here I am, excited to see him. I’m borderline missing him, which feels wild considering I’ve only known him for about a week. I do my best to push away those kinds of feelings — this is just fun. We’re just having fun together. I’ll probably see him this trip, maybe try to see him one other time, and that’ll probably be it. I’m sure he’s got other girls who’d like to see him, and they’re only in Europe for a month and a half or so.

The rest of the ride to my final station seems to creep by slowly, my nerves just building while I stand awkwardly on the train, clutching my phone and the metal pole that’s keeping me steady.

When we get to the station, I quickly exit the train with an onslaught of other passengers. Most of them are dressed in business clothes, on their way to work. I’m wearing jean shorts and a cropped t-shirt with a linen button down on top, making me feel like I stand out. I’m casual, and I feel quite American in my outfit. My San Diego Padres baseball hat really adds to my American-ness, and I suddenly feel like I should’ve possibly rethought my outfit choice.

My hands are sweaty as I ride the escalator up to the exit. I route my way to Calum’s hotel, trying to at least know which direction to start walking in when I get to the street. Those efforts prove to be unnecessary because when I get to the street, I see Calum waiting for me.

He’s wearing his standard black pants and a pair of black Vans with a black and white striped t-shirt. He’s somewhat disguised with a pair of Raybans covering his eyes, but his height makes the grinning boy stick out to me as soon as I step off the escalator. He raises his hand in a wave when he sees me, instantly starting to walk towards me.

“Orion!” He calls out. As soon as he’s a few steps from me, Calum opens his arms wide so he can wrap me into a tight hug.

I’m somewhat stunned, truthfully, but try to hide it. I hug him back instantly, feeling safer in his grasp. He doesn’t hold onto me for too long, but I’m not sure if it’s because I step back after a few seconds in his arms or if he lets me go.

“No security?” I ask when there’s a foot or so of space between us. I look around, trying to see if there’s a guard hiding a few people away or something, but still don’t see anyone.

Calum shakes his head and smiles. “Nah, convinced Matt to let us free roam today. A trial run.”

I nod. “Got it, I’m on my best behavior.”

He laughs, throwing an arm over my shoulders. “Let’s go drop off your bag at the hotel, and we can get breakfast?” He asks as if it’s a question, even though it’s technically a sentence. “If you’re hungry, I mean.”

“I’m hungry,” I tell him. I feel his shoulders relax. “And I love breakfast.”

“I know you do,” Calum says.

He knows I love breakfast? Had I told him that? Maybe when I was drunk I mentioned it. I do tend to rant about things when I’m drunk.

“Sorry, didn’t mean that to sound creepy,” he then blurts. “I looked at like… your entire Instagram account like a creep, so maybe it should’ve sounded creepy. Sorry, now I’m showing you all my cards, I just—”

I cut him off with laughter. I’m flattered that he had scrolled through my feed. I was shocked to get the follow request, but I accepted it, assuming he’d just follow me and not ever interact with me. I figured it was a nicety. He probably follows every girl he hooks up with as some weird way to document them.

“It’s fine, I looked through yours too.” I did. I saw mostly what I expected. A bunch of stage photos, pictures with his bandmates, a few pictures with his family mixed in. I felt like I got a glimspe into who he is, beyond what I’d learnt during our day and a half together in Madrid.

“I’m flattered,” he says, chuckling.

“I mean it’s not every day I meet someone who knows Harry Styles,” I tell him. “Naturally I needed to see how close of friends you guys are.”

Calum scoffs. He turns me suddenly, onto a new street. I don’t question it and just try to keep up with his long legged pace. “I thought you weren’t a 1D fan?”

I laugh, but it comes out more as a giggle, which for some reason feels embarrassing. “I’m not, but you can’t deny that the man is dreamy.”

Calum laughs, but I’m not sure if it’s at my comment or at my awkward giggle. “I get it, you’re just pretending to like me so you can meet him.”

I’m so wrapped up in my conversation with Calum that I don’t even realize that we’re walking into an alley behind a hotel now. The only reason I realize it is because I can hear the echoes of a crowd from the other side of the building, chanting “5SOS” — it’s 7 in the morning, which is far too early for that in my opinion.

The security guard, Gus is his name, is the same one who had been in Madrid. He smiles when he sees me, or maybe when he sees Calum, or maybe it’s the combination of us. Either way, he waves his hand hello.

“Hi, Gus!” I call, offering him a smile.

“Good morning, Orion.” He remembers my name?

I look at Calum with a surprised look and find him already smiling at me. God, I like him. I smile back and mumble a quiet thank you when he opens the door to the hotel for me. We walk to the service elevator, Cal leading the way, and he presses the button for the seventh floor.

“For the record, I don’t need to meet Harry Styles. I’ve already met the coolest bassist that’s come out of Australia this decade.”

Calum rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance. “Just this decade?”

I throw my head back with a laugh. “I don’t know enough about bassists, and especially not Australian ones, so I didn’t want to oversell you.”

His annoyance evaporates and then he’s giggling with me. The doors open to the floor, Cal holding his arm out so they don’t close on me, and then he grabs onto my hand to pull me to his room. Once the door is unlocked, he opens it for me and lets me walk in ahead of him.

“I’m probably the coolest bassist to come out of Aus in the past century,” he announces, flicking the lights on. “And the hottest.”

I purse my lips. I’d agree, but I can’t inflate his ego. He’s already here, claiming to be the hottest and coolest bassist of the century. “You can keep telling yourself that, bud.” I’m also trying to avoid appearing completely smitten with him, even though I am.

He laughs again. “See, I like how you knock me down.”

I drop my backpack onto the armchair in the corner of the room, next to his open suitcase, messily piled with clothes and a few packs of cigarettes and then I hold my hand out to him. “I’ll pull you back up, too.”

“My dream girl.”

I do my best to ignore the sudden flutter in my chest, settling on smiling cheesily at him.

It’s just a fling, I tell myself. I need to keep my expectations low.

“You said there’d be breakfast?” I ask.

Calum’s expression turns unreadable, but his eyes are still kind and sparkling, so I don’t worry about it. “With me, there will always be breakfast.”

My dream boy, I think.

–

After a few hours of roaming London with Calum, I’ve fallen in love with the city. Despite it being a massive city, something about it all feels quaint… in a dirty, gloomy, stinky kind of way. My only request is that we go on the Eye, which he manages to get us on for free by taking a selfie with the girl at the ticket counter.

He and I also take a selfie with the view at the top. It’s our first picture together, and it might end up being the only photo of us together. I decide it’s a sweet memento to hold onto of this brief study abroad adventure. I haven’t told my moms yet that I’ve decided to take a weekend trip to London to visit a boy, but maybe someday I’ll show them this photo and they can understand why I made the choice to get on a plane to see his show.

We’re making our way to the venue now, the O2. He’s trying to be chill about it, but I can tell Calum is both stoked and incredibly nervous. I think it’s their first time headlining, but I’m not completely sure, and Cal seems too out of it to answer if I did ask. We’re on a train — I have no idea how he managed to convince Matt that he can take a train to the venue without a security guard, but again, not going to ask. He’s drumming his hands on his thighs in a pattern nervously, looking straight ahead of him at the blurry view outside the window.

I grab his left hand in both of mine, steadying it. He stops his tapping and whispers a quiet ‘sorry’ to me. In response, I just squeeze his hand tightly.

When I look away from his face, I face forward at the blurry view too. The train stops at a station, and I look down at the people sitting in front of me, which I quickly regret. A girl is sitting directly across from us wearing a 5 Seconds of Summer t-shirt and wide, shocked eyes while she stares at us.

My eyes mirror hers then, wide and nervous. I let go of Calum’s hand quickly and stand up, moving to his other side and holding onto a metal pole instead of holding his hand. Calum looks startled when he stares up at me.

“Are you okay?” He asks, his forehead wrinkling with concern.

I nod, clearing my throat. “Yeah, yeah, fine. Just…” I sigh, trailing off. “There’s a fan, across from you,” I whisper to him as quietly as I can. I feel incredibly self-conscious now, and I don’t want Calum to be so clearly seen with me. I know he’s said — a few times now — that he doesn’t mind being seen with me, but I don’t know how true that can really be. Female fan bases are incredibly powerful and a wonderful thing, but they’re not exactly known for being welcoming or kind to the women seen with their favorite men.

His eyes flit to behind me, up to me, and back behind me. He looks back up at me again. “Just a sec.”

Calum then stands up, walking the handful of steps over to the fan. I don’t watch, but I’m sure she’s peeing her pants. “Hi, I’m Calum,” I hear him say.

I think he sits down next to her, but I’m too scared to look.

“I know,” she squeaks out.

“Do you want to take a picture?”

“If you don’t mind, I don’t want to bother you.”

“Nah, of course you’re not bothering me,” he says in his normal kind voice. “Here, want me to take it?”

They’re quiet for a moment, taking their pictures, I’m guessing.

The intercom then announces that we’ve gotten to our destination. I turn around then, both Calum and his fan standing up as well. Calum grins at me and holds out his hand for me to take. Instead of taking it, I clasp mine together and just start walking off the train. I just try to avoid the gaze of the fan and walk quickly, following the signs for the exit.

When I make it to the street, I turn around, finding Calum struggling to catch up to me. He looks confused.

“What was that?” He asks. He’s laughing slightly, but his eyebrow is still quirked.

“Sorry, I just…” I don’t know how to finish my sentence. I feel my forehead wrinkle with anxiety. I don’t know how to explain it to him.

His eyes soften and his expression returns to a slightly more neutral one. I think he’s willing to drop it, so I take my chance and run with it.

“Which way are we going? I don’t want you to be late.”

Calum nods, pulling his phone out to check the directions. “This way,” he says, and we start walking.

As we walk, I look around at the crowd around us. There is a sea of people wearing flannels, black clothes, and 5 Seconds of Summer merch. They all seem too busy with whatever they’re doing, and I don’t see any eyes on Calum, so I take advantage of our chance to camouflage him. I take my hat off and stop, stand in front of him, and put my hat on his head. I grab his sunglasses from where he has them hanging on his shirt and hold them in front of his face.

He chuckles, putting on the glasses.

“No one will ever know it’s you. You’re unrecognizable.”

“Am I allowed to hold your hand in incognito mode?”

I’ve let him hold my hand all day, and he’s kissed me in public, so I don’t know that I should really be so weird about it now. It’s just the eyes boring into me at such a close proximity. I feel watched and judged, and I haven’t even done anything wrong.

“Maybe another time,” I say quietly. I feel guilty. I want him to hold my hand, but I don’t want an army of haters to follow me around for holding a guy’s hand for a few minutes.

We walk in silence, and I’m acutely aware to the presence of Calum’s hand on the small of my back while he guides me to the unmarked side of the building where I assume Matt said to meet him. We pass a handful of security guards, which Calum takes off his sunglasses for so they can see his face. They all just nod as we walk by.

As soon as we’re out of the view of the crowds of fans, I grab Calum’s hand again.

“It just feels very… smothering,” I say while we walk. “To have all of those eyes on me for just existing in your presence.”

“I’m sorry,” Calum says. “You don’t have to do anything you want to do, and that applies to far more than just holding hands.”

I squeeze his hand gently. “I know. I just don’t want you to get any negative backlash for holding some random girl’s hand.”

Calum squeezes my hand back. “I think I can handle it.” He gives me a jokingly cocky smile.

We walk into the back door of the arena, which, as we walked around it, is absolutely massive. So many people will be here tonight, and I get to be backstage? It’s somewhat unbelievable.

As soon as we’re inside, I can hear the hoots and hollers of the rest of Calum’s band. I got to meet them for a bit back in Madrid. They’re all very nice, but very loud and rowdy. Which, to be fair, makes sense considering they’re all roughly 20 years old and famous and somewhat rich. They can kind of do whatever they want.

“Has anyone seen Calum?” I hear one of them ask from some distance away. I don’t know their voices well enough to know which one it was and I don’t know exactly where they are. I’m just following Calum’s lead.

“He’s with that girl, Orion, today, remember?” Another one says.

“Oh! Right,” the first one replies. “She’s—“

They stop talking as Calum and I enter the room, and I am glad I don’t get to know how that sentence is going to end. I don’t think I want to know.

“Orion!” The blonde one, Luke, calls out when he sees us. “You made it!”

I smile at him and he’s running over to me, wrapping me into a tight hug. “Hi, nice to see you again.” I’m still tethered to Calum with my hand in his. I’d let his hand go but he’s got a tight grip on mine.

“Pssh, no need to sound so formal,” Luke says, letting me go.

“It is nice to see you again!” I argue.

Michael and Ashton also come over to give me hugs.

“Did you guys have fun today? Cal told us all about his plans,” Ashton says, looking back and forth between Calum and me.

I nod, smiling up at Cal. “Yeah, it was great.”

“It’s a miracle you guys are back on time. Calum is known for getting lost,” Michael tells me and laughs while Calum turns slightly pink.

Luke throws an arm around Calum’s neck, yanking him towards him. “Y’know how people have ‘Find My iPhone’? We need ‘Find My Calum.’”

“Well, if he’s with me I promise to get him where he needs to be on time.”

“I knew I liked you,” Matt dryly says from across the room. It’s probably the nicest thing the man has ever said because all of the guys look awestruck from the comment.

“C’mon, let’s sit down. We’ve got some time before soundcheck.” Calum pulls me toward the black sectional in the corner of the room. He flops onto it, kicking his feet up on the coffee table littered with empty beer bottles, Red Bull cans, solo cups, and a half empty bottle of vodka.

I don’t flop onto the couch, but I do sit next to him, letting him wrap an arm around me so I’m pressed into his side. It’s nice to be this close to him.

“Do you guys want a drink? We’ve got beer here but there’s other stuff they can grab for us if you want it.” Ashton calls out to us while bending over a cooler.

“I’ll do a beer!” I yell over to him and he nods, reaching into the cooler.

“Same, thanks, Ash!”

Luke jumps over the back of the couch to join us, but he’s so lanky that he ends up knocking over some of the bottles and cups on the table with the flailing of his limbs flying through the area. What looks like mystery liquid pools on the floor, some combination of beer, vodka, Red Bull, and some mysterious blue liquid.

“Seriously, Luke?!” Ashton yells. He’s laughing, holding three bottles of Stella Artois in his hands. He gives two to Calum, who hands one to me.

“This is what happens when you let me take four shots of vodka and shotgun a Red Bull at 2 in the afternoon!”

Jesus, I think. I know they’re used to partying and Luke isn’t exactly a small person, but still. Luke is off the couch again, walking around the room. He returns with a large handful of paper towels to clean up his mess. While Luke mops up the traces of beer and Red Bull from the table and the floor, Michael and Ashton join us on the couch, still snickering about Luke’s clumsiness.

I set my beer on the table and decide to help prevent anything else of the sort from happening again, so I start stacking up the solo cups and grab as many cans and bottles as I can hold. I meet Luke at the trash can to drop them in after his soaked paper towels, and he gives me a puzzled look.

“What are you doing?” Luke asks with a chuckle.

“I just thought it would prevent future spills,” I defend myself, going back to the couch to collect the rest, but Calum followed my lead and grabbed what was left.

“It wasn’t your mess to clean, but thank you,” Luke says and he gives me a bright, genuine smile.

When we sit back on the couch, Luke manages to put his feet up on the coffee table without spilling things, and we can all relax for a minute. Calum’s arm is back around me, and I take a few sips from my beer. All of the boys, aside from Cal, are tapping around on their phones. I try to decide if I want to talk to them or just whisper to Calum, which sounds kind of awkward, so I clear my throat.

“What did you guys do today?” I ask.

They all look up at their phones and at each other, surprise written on their faces.

“Not much, really,” Ash says, shrugging. “Got lunch at a place near where we used to live, reliving the glory days.”

“You guys used to live here?” They’re from Australia and they’ve toured a lot in the last few years. When did they live in London? Calum hadn’t mentioned it at all.

“Yeah, not for too long. Before the One Direction era.” Ashton smiles, amused by my surprised expression.

They had to have been babies then but still moved all the way to London for their careers. I can’t imagine my family being OK with shipping me across the world at that age, but I guess it must just be a testament to just how special and talented the four of them are. They were born for this life. Their parents must have known it.

“Anywhere else you’ve lived besides Australia, London, and LA?” I ask. I direct the question at Calum, even though he’s not the one saying anything.

“Cal almost moved to Brazil,” Ashton answers, making Calum shoot him a glare.

I raise my eyebrows. “Brazil?”

Calum flushes pink and avoids my gaze. “Yeah, but it didn’t happen.”

“Well, we moved to London because he didn’t move to Brazil, basically,” Ashton clarifies.

“What the hell was in Brazil?” I ask through slight laughter.

“Football,” Calum replies, the moniker supposedly enough information to explain the whole thing.

“Man, you really don’t know anything about us, do you?” Michael asks. He looks incredibly amused and he’s giggling after his question.

“Oi, Mike, be nice,” Ashton scolds while whacking Michael’s head softly.

“Soccer was in Brazil?” I ask Calum, trying to understand the bigger picture.

“Yeah, I went for some training,” he says. “Was supposed to go back, but decided I’d rather be in a band with these losers instead of playing footy.”

I look around the room at the rest of them, trying to see if any of them care to clarify. He was going to move to Brazil for soccer… like, to play professionally? I go to ask another question, but then a loud group of people walk in, demanding all of our attention.

They all look vaguely familiar, probably because I’ve seen pictures of at least a few of them on Calum’s Instagram. Cal’s bandmates all stand up and greet the crowd, embracing them, making a lot of noise, but Calum stays seated right next to me.

“Do you need to go say hi to them?” I ask. When I look at him, I find he’s staring at me.

“No, I was with most of them last night,” he shrugs.

I nod, glancing quickly back over at the people. The other three boys are totally swallowed by the mass of their friends. I look back to Cal and he’s inched his face closer to mine.

“I was supposed to go pro,” he says quietly. “With soccer, I mean. My parents were pissed when I told them I wanted to do this instead.”

“I’m sure they’re happy with the decision now.”

He grins, leaning a few inches forward so he can kiss me. It’s swift and short, but it’s still as sweet as can be. “Are you always like this?”

I furrow my brow. “Like what?”

“Always making the person you’re talking to feel like the most important person in the room.”

Then it’s my turn to blush. My cheeks get hot and I look away from Calum nervously. I try to always include people and ask questions, but I know sometimes it doesn’t come off well and it seems like I’m being annoying. It’s a relief that Calum thinks positively of my conversational habits.

“I like learning about you,” I confess. “And the rest of them. You’re all fun.”

Calum nods and then kisses me again. “Learning about you might just be my new favorite thing.”

My heart soars and I have to look away. If I look into his eyes, I’ll be a goner. I’ll be totally obsessed with this guy. He’s saying and doing all of the right things to get me to like him, and I have to protect myself. This is just temporary, while they’re touring Europe.

“Who are all those people?” I ask him, looking down at my lap.

He sighs. “It’s a mix of some of our music friends from LA, a few people we knew when we lived here, uh… oh, Mike’s girlfriend, Crystal. She’s the one with purple hair. There’s a girl Luke’s dating here, too.” Calum leans closer, so his mouth is by my ear. “But none of us like her,” he whispers.

I laugh slightly, but since I don’t know the girl I don’t want to base my opinions on just what Calum has said. “Which one is she?”

Cal laughs somewhat bitterly. “Don’t worry, you’ll know.”

I look over at the group of people and try to find Crystal and this other girl. Crystal I spot easily since, like Calum had mentioned, she has purple hair. She’s tall and pretty, with a sweet smile and light eyes, talking to Michael and another couple of guys. One I recognize as one of the members of the opening act. Then I look to Luke and find a tall girl with dark hair draped over him while he talks to a few of the other people. Got it. That’s the one that’s dating him. She’s not looking at any of the people huddled with, just clinging to Luke and standing there.

When I look back to Crystal to try to get a better look at her, she’s looking at me. Michael is saying something to her, and when she notices me looking her way, she smiles and waves. I smile and wave back awkwardly. Crystal then turns to Michael, puts a hand on his arm, and says something to him quickly before she walks over to the couch, sitting a few feet away from Cal and me and still smiling.

“Hi! I’m Crystal,” she says.

“Oh, hi! I’m Orion.”

Crystal smiles. “Oh, I know. This one won’t stop blabbing on about you and that club. What was it called again?” She directs the question to Calum, who looks embarrassed by her comment.

“Space Monkey,” I say for him. “My roommate’s girlfriend is a bartender there.”

She nods. “Such a weird name. Sorry, I would’ve said hi at the Madrid show, but wasn’t sure if it would have been overwhelming.”

I look to Calum, who hadn’t mentioned that there were other guests at the Madrid show. We only hung out with the band itself and my roommates. After the show, Calum and I went back to his hotel and my roommates went out with the band. None of them really remembered much the next morning, but they did say they had a fun time.

Crystal seems to know what I’m thinking and explains everything for Calum. “We hung out in the VIP viewing area that night, and when we went out after, I did get to meet your roommates. They were all so sweet, but we were all pretty wasted, so not sure if they remember it.”

“Sorry, I should’ve mentioned you could hang in the VIP section,” Calum apologizes. “I figured you’d prefer the pit.”

I laugh nervously. “Yeah, I do prefer the pit, but just feel bad if we kept you guys out of the backstage area that evening.”

Crystal shakes her head. “No, you were totally fine! We just went out for dinner before the show.”

I just nod. I didn’t realize they all had such a large entourage.

“I’m glad we get to meet you this time,” Crystal adds, still smiling very kindly at me. “Is this your first time to London?”

Calum has his arm around me and is lightly tracing shapes into my side and I’m at ease with his presence. Crystal isn’t scary or anything, but she seems eons cooler than I’ll ever be and she’s far prettier than I am. She also just seems to have it all together. I’m trying to make a good first impression.

“It is,” I answer. “I love it. Yours?”

She shakes her head. “No, I’ve been a few times, but I love it too. Anyway, I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys, just wanted to pop over and say hi. Come find me during soundcheck if you want someone to hang out with.”

I smile at her graciously. “Thank you, I probably will.”

Crystal gets up then and walks back over to Michael, who greets her by wrapping an arm around her waist while they pick up their conversation with their friends. The whole lot of them seem to mesh together like they’ve spent a lot of time with each other. It’s just crazy because there are so many of them.

“Wait, doesn’t your sister live in London?” I ask suddenly, realizing Calum’s sister doesn’t seem to be in the crowd. I look back at him and he giggles.

“She does, but she’s in LA right now.”

I sigh with relief. Meeting all these random people is a lot, but meeting Calum’s sister would be even more intense. She’s family. She’s not someone you introduce to a girl you met at a nightclub a few days prior that you hooked up with and invited to another show.

“What’s she like?” I ask. Calum smiles at the question, a light appearing in his brown eyes.

“She’s amazing. An incredible songwriter and singer. She’s kind, and she’s like a big sister to all of us, really. She’s my best friend. I’d do anything for her.”

“What’s her name?”

“Mali-Koa, but we just call her Mali.”

I look down at his arm, the name familiar because of the tattoo there. I trace the outline of the bird. “Like your tattoo.”

He nods. “Yes, like my tattoo,” he says. “Do you have siblings?”

I grin, instantly seizing my chance to show him pictures of my brother and getting my phone out. “I have a little brother. He’s four. His name is Eridanus, but we just call him Eri. He’s the sweetest boy ever.”

I pass Calum my phone with the album of photos with Eri and me lighting up the screen. He scrolls through, stopping at the one where Eri smeared brownie batter on my face and we both were laughing uncontrollably.

“You guys are cute,” Cal comments, handing my phone back.

“Boys, stage in 5!” Matt appears out of nowhere and disrupts the entire room’s conversations.

There’s a collective groan and Calum downs most of his beer quickly before he kisses my cheek, saying he’s gotta use the bathroom and will see me after soundcheck.

“You’ll be okay back here, right? You can also come watch, but it’s usually pretty boring. Or I can give you some cash if you want to go grab a coffee nearby or something?”

“I’ll be fine,” I tell him. He gives me a grin before he runs off.

I decide to take Crystal up on her offer and make my way over to her. She lights up as I approach her, her smile widening.

“Can I hang out with you for a bit?” I ask.

“Of course,” she says. “Here, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Crystal guides me through the group like I’m a show pony. I try to remember everyone’s names but it’s a total lost cause. Everyone is pretty nice, but some are more interested in meeting me than others. I don’t blame them — I’m sure there’s a fairly consistent rotation of people coming through this group in my shoes. It might not be worth trying to really connect with girls like me.

After I’ve met everyone, she shows me where the bathroom is and where I can get food if I’m hungry. Then, we head to the side of the stage so we can watch soundcheck. She takes me to Calum’s side of the stage instead of Michael’s, saying she sees it almost every night, so missing it this once isn’t that big of a deal. He looks surprised, but pleasantly, when he notices us, waving at me. I give him a thumbs up.

The soundcheck lasts for about an hour, and they play a few songs that they didn’t play at the Madrid show. I’ve tried to study their discography over the past few days, but I haven’t been able to learn everything yet, so I don’t know which songs are which. When I get a glimpse of Crystal’s face while we watch, she looks so proud.

“How long have you guys been together?” I ask her as we walk back to the dressing room.

Crystal laughs. “We’ve been friends for a while, but officially together for about 6 months.”

“So you’re used to… all this? By now?”

She laughs again and shakes her head. “I don’t think it’s something you ever get used to.”

I’m opening my second bottle of beer when the boys come backstage again, Calum coming straight to me. Crystal winks at me when he approaches and ducks away to catch up with Michael. I spin around to face Calum.

“You don’t have to come straight to me, you know,” I tell him. He’s taking a few gulps of his own fresh beer.

“You’re my guest,” he defends. “I’m not just gonna leave you hanging.”

I roll my eyes. “I can fend for myself.”

Calum laughs quietly. “Trust me, I know you can.”

I raise an eyebrow at him and take a swig of my beer. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, maybe that you moved to a country you’ve never been to alone? You navigated two international airports alone and the transit systems? Hell, Matt likes you. That’s something.”

“It’s not that hard. You just follow signs.”

Now Calum rolls his eyes. “Let me talk you up, please.”

I bite my tongue, holding back on making a snarky comment. Instead, I do my best to smile at him somewhat sweetly. “Fine.”

He kisses me again then and when he pulls back he grabs my hand in his, pulling me away from the mass of people and out the door. Once outside, he turns us around a corner so we’re away from the bodyguards and crew. As soon as we’re out of everyone’s sight, he grabs my hips and gently pushes me against the cinder block wall with his beer bottle pressed against my side.

Calum grazes his lips against mine, hovering without making full contact. I take matters into my own hands and wrap my arms around his neck to pull him down and kiss him, but my beer bottle, slick with condensation, slips out of my hand and crashes onto the pavement, shattering.

“Shit!”

Calum falls into a fit of laughter, stepping back to assess the mess I’ve just made. “What is it with you and spilling drinks?!”

read next chapter

a/n: not that i need to justify it but flashback chapters serve as some relief for all the weight of everything going on and also i want people to LOVE orion and cal together. that's the bigger goal ofc.

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

Melaka Mystica (Part 2/3)

November 27, 2023

Notes - This month has been pretty dang good as I got a car, marched in a parade, made Thanksgiving dinner on my own for the first time (and didn't burn anything other than my energy and my mom's only remaining brain cells 😂), but then my uncle's cat, Budweiser (Buddy) who was 17 and I loved as my own, passed away after getting his final fill of turkey. He was an amazing old boy and I'll miss him dearly, but at least he's with the rest of my family, getting all the attention he could ever want! Honestly, though, I'm proud of myself for getting this done before the end of the month with all that happened around me! This is pretty much just 33 pages of me going off the rails at 3am and typing until my hands hurt, but it's worth it in the end! Anyway, I might need to invest in a wrist brace for carpal tunnel at this point 🙈😂

You all are clearly in over your pretty, little heads.

Metal dragged across old bricks, scraping a pile of leaves into a growing heap by the side of the road. As much as Mick hated being relegated to raking the sidewalk outside of her family’s shop, it got her away from the overbearing smell of incense packets and burning sage. Ever since the incident on Halloween, she had been suffering through her days at work. Things at the store had never been difficult for her before Halloween, but if the books Miles had been sending her excerpts of were anything to go by, all of her new problems were partly due to the possession she’d faced. Whatever had possessed her that day had left lingering traces of itself in her, making it damn near impossible for her to get through a workday. Whatever it had been, must have hated sage and incense, which, if she thought about it, made sense as negativity was supposed to be pushed out with a sage cleansing.

Regardless of how often she stepped out to breathe, her headaches only increased when someone would pull an incense stick from the wicker basket by the shop door to see how it smelled. She had tried to use one of the aromatherapy inhalers Carrie had bought her - something the blonde said she used to keep her sinuses clear during the winter if she had a show to perform in - but those only helped so much in the little shop. With customers pulling incense sticks from their packages to smell them properly, teens opening candles or essential oils, and groups of kids on field trips being obnoxious during Carrie’s performances, Mick was ready to down a bottle of Tylenol and pass out.

Thankfully, business had slowed down a considerable amount once Halloween passed. However, there were still the odd tourists coming and going in search of souvenirs and regulars looking for new crystals or a refill of their favorite incense. Once the local schools let out, they would get swarms of children and teenagers alike, pushing and shoving their way into the small store for cheap drinks or snacks. Some days were better than others, where they would get mostly older people coming in for replacement items or wanting a tarot reading. However, there were days when there would be an ignorant, middle-aged person looking to speak with the manager or owner - someone other than some “twenty-something little shit,” as most of them put it. On days like those, Mick wondered why her parents would give her the store if she had to deal with people like that all day. 

Then again, they weren’t entirely retired, and people who knew and loved her parents would sometimes come in asking specifically for them. Mick never minded stepping into the back room and quickly calling either of her parents, asking them to stop by. After Halloween, however, the stress of everything had been too overwhelming. More often than not, Mick wanted nothing more than to call up her parents and give the shop back to them, telling them that she just couldn’t handle it. However, she had managed to fight through the first week of November without having to call her parents for anything more than a friendly visit and felt as though things would get better over time.

Then came the eleventh. Due to Veteran’s Day, the schools were closed, and the city’s parade was set to go through the streets, honoring those who had served in any branch of the military - alive or dead. Parade days meant busy business, and, to her dismay, many of those who had marched through the streets had come to the Coven’s Cottage for a hot cider and some of Mrs Murphy’s homemade cider donuts. With so many different emotions coming at her from everyone who stepped in the door, Mick got overwhelmed quickly. After a sobbing woman and her children came inside, Mick realized she was shaking like a leaf. After sending the girl to the back to calm down, Miles and Carrie were left to fend for themselves while an overwhelmed Mick hid in the break room to cry through the pain of a slaughtering migraine. Once things had calmed down and Mick was able to think properly, Miles convinced the brunette to wave her white flag, and she asked her parents for help. 

Later that night, Mick had Miles and Carrie go home with her as witnesses so that her parents would see that she wasn’t just talking out of her ass. With his previous knowledge of magic, Brady was, understandably, concerned for his daughter’s health and mental well-being and began pacing - showing an anxious, overthinking side of the man that none of the young adults had seen before. On the other hand, while Mack had no magical ties of her own, the woman was determined to find a way to help her only child, looking into books and articles that could help cleanse Mick of any lasting effects from her possession. After sitting the older couple down once more and having them take the time to read over some of the things Miles and Carrie had found in their research for Mick, Mack and Brady agreed to put their daughter on lighter duty at their family shop, resuming their original positions as co-owners.

While the slightly lesser traffic in the shop and her parents helping out made things a bit easier on Mick’s headaches, she still felt physically drained just sitting in her family’s shop. Unlike Vivien or Royce, she didn’t have the ability to say her lungs were tight when someone tried to light sage or incense or claim her blood pressure was acting out whenever she got dizzy sitting at the register. In reality, with her parents and friends hovering almost every day, she was forced to get out and walk around town more frequently, giving her some fresh air. However, on days when the air outside was sitting in the forties, and the wind was like a cruel slap to the face, Mick despised being sent outside. She knew that, all too soon, the air would be too cold to breathe without a scarf over her face, and the ice on the ground would make it too difficult to make it from one place to another without slamming into the sidewalk, but that didn’t make her appreciate the moderately chilly autumn. 

Heaving a huff of frustration as a nearby car barrelled down the street to beat a changing traffic light, the icy breeze dragging off of the vehicle and scattering her hard work into the wind, and Mick rolled her eyes. She was sick of raking meaningless piles of leaves, sick of being pushed aside and asked to do menial tasks just because she had a hard time sitting around in the shop. She could have been doing so much more to help out around the shop! She could organize the storage room, put new stock out on the shelves, or help give aura readings or something - anything! She was so tired of being useless to everyone she cared about.

With a shake of her head, Mick sucked in a breath and sighed before turning back toward the shop. The bell above the door chimed - a replacement for the cackling witch sound they had put up for Halloween - and Mick leaned the rake against the wall by the door before tugging her gloves and hat off and shoving them into the pockets of the maroon, fleece-lined coat her parents had bought her years ago. The pocket zippers had been melted open after she had unceremoniously tossed the coat in front of the heater once, the faux fur lining around the hood was slightly matted after having used it for so many frigid winters, and the elastics in the cuffs of the sleeves had lost their grip a long time ago, but the coat kept her warm and, to Mick, that was all that mattered.

The smell of burning sage filled the small shop, and although Mick would have usually taken a big whiff of it to calm herself, she refrained as a woman with a bag of incense sticks stepped around her to leave. As Mick ditched her coat on the rack behind the counter, she stepped up behind her mom and pressed a kiss to the woman’s cheek before taking a caramel from the dish on the counter and making her way to the back room to see if Miles and Carrie were on their breaks yet. Instead of finding the pair curled up on the couch, talking through the entirety of their break, Mick found her dad sitting in her usual chair, a cup of something in one hand and his phone in the other.

Smiling to herself as she decided to make her presence known, Mick asked, “What happened to doing a tarot reading for Mrs Anderson?”

Looking up from his device with a grin, Brady replied, “She got what she wanted and left already.”

“Let me guess,” Mick began as she perched herself on the armrest of her dad’s chair, “she thought her husband was cheating again and wanted to see if it was her sister or the new neighbor?”

“Almost,” Brady chuckled, placing his phone on his leg as he handed Mick his drink for her to try. “She thought it could be the mailman.”

Grateful she hadn’t taken a sip of her father’s drink, Mick let out a bark of laughter, “She thought Mr Anderson - the pastor of their church - was having an affair with her husband?”

Brady hummed, nodding in confirmation as he rhetorically asked, “Who doesn’t she accuse her husband of cheating with?” 

Mick snickered as she handed her father his drink, “Ironic from the woman who has been divorced five times because of her cheating.”

With a shrug, Brady said, “It’s not our place to judge.”

“True.”

After taking a sip of his drink, Brady said, “Your mom and I are heading out early to meet with some friends from school who are back in town for the week. Do you think you, Miles, Carrie, and the kids can handle the shop until closing?”

Nodding, Mick smiled at the idea as she said, “Yeah, of course. We handled it for months on our own before.”

Groaning at the twinge of pain that had grown familiar in his lower back, Brady regretted all of the reckless things he had done in his teen years as he pushed himself out of his chair. Despite only recently turning forty, his body felt as though it belonged to someone nearing eighty. Brady suppressed a grimace as he stretched before turning to his daughter and saying, “That was before you were possessed by ancient magic.”

Taking in a deep breath, Mick slowly nodded in understanding. Regardless of how much she despised how easily that was everyone’s excuse for giving her lighter tasks, Mick understood where they were coming from. If what happened to her had happened to anybody else in her immediate circle, she would have acted the same. Offering her dad a slight grin, Mick allowed him to lean down and press a kiss to her forehead before saying, “I get it, but honestly, I’m doing pretty well today.”

“Good,” Brady mused. “Try to keep it that way.”

“I will,” Mick claimed as the door to the basement opened, allowing Miles and Carrie to come in.

Brady hummed appreciatively before turning toward the young couple with a smile, “Did you two find that book I told you about?”

“We did,” Carrie said, offering the man her signature smile as Miles held up the thick hardcover book. “Do you really think it’ll help the kids?”

“It should,” Brady stated. “I didn’t get much use out of it, as you know, but it’s been in the family for many generations. If it helped them, why not let the kids use it?”

Miles nodded as he examined the book. The leather bindings were worn and peeling, the spine flexible yet delicate, and it smelled of an old library book that had been left on the shelves for a couple hundred years, but the pages were still crisp, and the ancient calligraphy was very clearly legible. While on the outside, the book certainly looked aged and well-loved, the pages still read as clear as day, making Miles question if it had some sort of protection charm that stood the test of time. Grinning to himself, Miles fleetingly wondered if the book in his hands was the origin of people saying not to judge books by their covers.

Lifting his gaze to meet Brady’s, Miles spoke, “Thanks again, Mr Birch. I know the kids would be interested in diving into actual spells and potions.”

Brady waved him off, “It’s not like I’m getting any use out of it, Miles. However, I do suggest asking your mother to help them with anything involving baking.”

“She is one of the best bakers in Salem,” Mick mused. 

Before Brady could say anything more, the back room opened, and his wife’s head poked inside. “I hate to interrupt,” Mack began, “but it’s almost two, Brady.”

Heaving a sigh, Brady clapped his hands and said, “Well, duty calls, kids.”

As her husband gathered his belongings, Mack asked, “Mick, honey, are you going over to Miles’ house after work?”

“I was thinking about it,” Mick shrugged. “The kids wanted to work on some beginner-level potions.”

“Are you staying for dinner?” Brady asked.

“She’d better,” Miles said before Mick could answer. “My mom said she’s making pizza casserole.”

Mick snickered, “I guess I’m staying for dinner then.”

“Alright,” Mack said with a smile, “well, we’ll be back home around six or seven to watch the eclipse if your father can get his butt in gear.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Brady claimed as he pulled his coat around his shoulders. Leaning down, Brady kissed the top of his daughter’s head before whispering to her, “Bring me back some of that casserole.”

“I will,” Mick said with a grin.

“You don’t need any casserole, Brady,” Mack claimed with a hint of a smirk tugging at her lips. “We’re going out to Hanna Devine’s.”

Brady’s expression said it all. Unlike most of the little bistros and restaurants in the city, Hanna Devine’s was a large building on the corner of a busy street that charged prices through the roof for a portion barely significant enough to qualify as a meal. Between the hassle of finding a parking spot and the extensive waitlist for a single table, the restaurant was usually only inhabited by insane people who didn’t mind paying forty dollars for a small piece of steak or twenty-five bucks for a side order of steamed vegetables. Despite attempting to get his point across with a pleading look, Brady found his wife’s piercing gaze and quickly schooled his expression as he sighed, “Yes, ma’am.”

Rolling her eyes with a smile, Mick turned her gaze back to her daughter and said, “If there’s enough, bring us both back some. Chances are, we’ll still be hungry when we leave.”

Making his way to the door of the room, Brady beamed, “This is why I love you.”

“Because I let you get leftovers?” Mack questioned as Brady kissed her cheek. “What about when we got married or when I had to endure nine months of Mick’s punches to my bladder?”

“Of course I loved you then,” Brady stated. “It’s just that I really wanted that casserole.”

“And because I let you have it,” Mack slowly stated, “that’s your primary reason for loving me now?”

As Brady floundered, scouring his mind for something to say, Mick snickered, “Way to word things, Dad.”

“Good luck getting out of that one,” Carrie chuckled.

“There’s a store you can stop at on the way to Hanna’s that sells shovels since you seem to be in a hurry to dig your own grave, Mr Birch,” Miles said with a grin.

“None of you are helping!” Brady exclaimed, looking around at the three young adults with a gleam in his eyes that begged for them to shut up.

Choosing to end her husband’s struggle, Mack snickered, patting him on the arm fondly, “I’m just screwing with you. Now, come on, let’s get on the road before school gets out, and we’re stuck behind eight different buses.”

With a sigh of relief, Brady relaxed, turning back toward the kids with a small smile as he said, “Be good, remember to lock up the shop, and please, for the love of all things holy, remember to bring us back some casserole if there’s any left.”

As Mick gave her dad a mock salute, Miles chuckled, “We’ve got everything under control.”

“Enjoy your dinner with friends,” Carrie said, offering the older couple a wave as they left the room. Once the door was closed, the blonde turned to Mick with a smile and asked, “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m fine, for once,” the brunette replied. “I haven’t had any headaches since this morning when the trash truck came, and I’ve gotten through most of the day without needing to step out.”

“That’s good,” Miles said thoughtfully as he set the book for the kids on the couch. “Do you feel up to taking the register until closing?”

Eager to feel useful again, Mick quickly nodded as she said, “Yeah, of course. Are you going to restock or are you going to pick up the kids?”

Checking his watch, Miles said, “I’ll probably pick them up. If I get there early and find their bikes, I’ll put them on the rack before the bell rings.”

Leading the way to the main room of the shop, Mick mused, “Soon, they’ll be needing a ride every day.”

“Especially since it snowed two nights ago,” Miles sighed as he rounded the counter.

“Don’t mention that word,” Carrie said with a shiver. “I was hoping it would hold off until Christmas or something and then never come back.”

“Wishful thinking,” Mick snorted.

Carrie sighed as she slumped against the counter, resting her chin in the palm of her hand, “At least we’re not supposed to get any more for a while.”

“When did you hear that?” Mick wondered.

Tugging her phone from her pocket and unlocking it, Carrie swiped around for a moment before showing her friend her weather app. “My phone says the next week or so is clear.”

Mick examined the weather listing before tapping on the screen, “We’ve got rain on Saturday and Wednesday, though. That can become snow if it gets cooler out.”

“But the app says it’s just rain,” Carrie said hopefully.

“It’s New England,” Miles chuckled as he zipped up his jacket. “The forecast lies.”

Carrie let out a resigned sigh, “I know, but I’m staying as optimistic as possible.”

“Good luck with that,” Miles muttered, his breath brushing across Carrie’s cheek as he leaned in for a kiss. “Do you guys want anything while I’m out?”

“A million dollars,” Mick joked.

“Weathermen who won't lie,” Carrie added.

“A will to live.” 

“Magical powers.”

Glancing between the pair, Miles sighed and rolled his eyes, “I meant things I can pick up from the gas station.”

“Ah,” Carrie breathed. “In that case, I’ll take some cherry Twizzlers.”

“I guess I’ll take some cheesy popcorn,” Mick said with a grin.

“Puffcorn or Smartfood?” Miles asked.

“Smartfood,” Mick said before thanking her friend.

“Weirdos,” Miles mused as he typed in their requests on his phone, knowing the pair would be sharing snacks in no time.

“Proud of it,” the two girls said in startling unison before turning to each other and laughing.

With a shake of his head and a fond smile, Miles pulled his keys out of his pocket and headed out the door, passing the shop’s picture windows on his way to his Jeep. Smiling to herself, Mick turned her attention to the music playing over the store’s speakers, switching the radio station to one she knew both she and Carrie enjoyed. As something other than smooth jazz filled the shop, Carrie bopped her head to the beat with a smile before turning her gaze to Mick once more. 

The last two weeks had felt like an eternity. She had watched Mick struggle the first couple of days - the brunette unable to pull herself out of her thoughts. Carrie had spent some time talking things over with Mick during that time, listening to her ramble nonsensically about all that had happened to her and all the struggles she faced. The first two days, Mick had been in a daze, operating on a repetitive cycle out of habit more than anything. Carrie spent a lot of time helping at the register as Mick would often stare off into space or lock herself away in the back room due to headaches. The first few days were difficult as Mick asked people to give her time to think and process, but it seemed to everyone that she had closed herself off from everything and everyone. 

Mick’s relationships with everyone who was there that night had grown strained in that time - the only ones not suffering being Butchy and Lela, as they were only there for the aftermath. Whilst saying they hadn’t always gotten along well in school was an understatement, Carrie and Mick had grown close after Miles started dating the blonde. Over time, a bond had formed, but after Mick’s possession, Carrie could feel the distance between them growing once more. Everyone could. Though the brunette never outright pushed anybody away, they all knew she had come close to it more than once.

Carrie had never seen Mick so despondent and detached as she was in those first days. It took Miles climbing the tree in the Birch family’s backyard and climbing in through Mick’s window for her to begin talking to anyone who had been there. Understandably, Miles was the first person she opened up to as they had always been inexplicably close, but then she opened up to Carrie, and the blonde got to see more of the girl’s inner thoughts laid out before her like a jigsaw puzzle.

The strain Mick felt was palpable. Her hurt was nearly insurmountable, the stress was overwhelming, and the pain she felt whilst reliving and retelling her side of things was evident in her eyes. It took just shy of a week before Mick felt comfortable having the kids around her again. The thought that whatever was left in her might come back to hurt the kids had plagued her night and day, but after hearing that Vivien blamed herself for the older girl being distant, Mick forced herself to meet with them in the Common. They sat on opposite sides of the pavilion Saturday night, Mick asking Miles to tie her to the table with a scarf to keep her from hurting anybody, and that was the first time Carrie felt like crying about Mick’s situation. The thought that the bubbly, doting brunette was so afraid of hurting the kids made Carrie saddened and sick at the same time. Mick didn’t deserve to be scared of every move she made.

By the end of their conversation that night, things had begun to heal, but anyone who knew them could still feel the remnants of strain between Mick and Vivien. Things were slowly getting better between them, but Carrie quickly took note of the wistful glimpses Vivien would sneak of the older girl. Though Carrie, like everyone else, was sure things would return to normal - or some semblance of it, at the very least - she knew it would take time. 

Listening to Mick hum along to the radio, Carrie glanced around to guarantee the shop was empty of customers before clearing her throat and asking, “Speaking of magical powers, I heard that Vivien was trying to find a way to give you some the other day.”

Brown eyes lifted from Mick’s phone and fleetingly met Carrie’s azure gaze before Mick shrugged and returned her focus to her phone, “She was, yeah.”

“I think it’s sweet that she’s trying so hard.”

To Carrie’s chagrin, Mick only shrugged again, “I guess so, but I wish she wouldn’t.”

“What do you mean?” Carrie questioned. “I thought you wanted powers like theirs?”

“That was before I was possessed,” Mick admitted, meeting Carrie’s gaze once more. “I would have done anything for some magic back then.”

“But now?”

“Now I’m scared to even think about having magic.”

Carrie’s smile faltered at the weight of Mick’s statement. In a way, she should have expected that to be Mick’s answer, but in reality, she hadn’t thought about it from the brunette’s perspective. Vivien had gone to Carrie looking for help researching how to give someone magic, and although the pair had spent hours scouring through old books filled with runes and spells and potions, they hadn’t found anything that would allow Vivien to do what she wanted to.

Attempting to appear unfazed, Carrie asked, “How come? With your family’s long, magical bloodline, I would’ve throught you’d want to follow them.”

“I did,” Mick sighed, setting her phone aside in favor of the conversation at hand. “I wanted it more than anything. But now that I know how dangerous I could be if I let power get to my head, I’m sort of glad my dad cut off the line when he did.”

Taking in a slow breath, Carrie asked, “That really bothered you, huh?”

Mick hummed with a nod, “It’s hard to act as though it doesn’t, but I’m trying. I just-” Mick cut herself off with a sigh, “I wish I never read that damn book.”

“What-?”

Before Carrie could get anything more out, Mick cut her off, “If I’d never read that book, I wouldn’t have to live with constant headaches or people looking at me like I’m made of glass or everyone acting as though they need to walk on fucking eggshells around me!” Stopping to take in a breath, Mick ran her hands over her hair before sighing, “What hurts the most is living with the fact that all of this is my fault.”

Though Carrie didn’t want to push her luck with Mick, she couldn’t stop herself from asking, “How on earth is any of this your fault?”

“If I hadn’t tried to weasel my way into magic,” Mick began slowly, meeting the blonde’s gaze with nothing but sincerity in her caramel eyes, “we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“It wasn’t like you read the book on purpose,” Carrie offered. “Even Butchy said that Casper knocked it over and you just read the first page you came across.”

“He’s right,” Mick confirmed, “but that doesn’t change the fact that, if I hadn’t made the black flame candle or been so determined to give myself magic, none of this would have happened.”

Carrie sighed, placing a hand on Mick’s arm in the hope that it offered the girl some semblance of comfort, “You don’t know that for a fact.”

“That’s just it,” Mick said, a dry, humorless chuckle falling from her lips as her exhausted brown eyes found Carrie’s vibrant blue, “I do.”

“Have a great night,” Royce said as he handed a paper bag to the last customer of the day. He didn’t know how Miles and the girls could handle working there all day, dealing with people in various moods, and handling children being generally obnoxious; he could only handle it for a few hours without wanting to leave. He didn’t mind most of the people who came and went, but there were a select few who were just pure negativity. While Mondays were usually slow in the shop, Royce was surprised to find the clock already ticking over to five as he looked up at the clock. Maybe the time had flown because he, Bentley, and Vivien had the chance to get their homework done between customers for once. Or, as Miles had teasingly suggested, it was due to the fact that he kept watching Vivien help people find crystals.

Royce discretely rolled his eyes at the thought - of course, Miles would tease him for something so small. It was payback for when Royce teased the shit out of Miles when he got with Carrie. Although Miles kept his relationship with Carrie under wraps from their mom, he hadn’t been so lucky when it came to his brothers. At first, his relationship with Carrie was nonexistent, but after a little over a year of them being together and seeing their mom gradually grow to enjoy having the blonde around, Royce found himself not minding Carrie nearly as much as he had initially. Now that he got along alright with Carrie, it was easier to tease Miles about the relationship, ironically giving Miles the right to tease him about Vivien in return.

It wasn’t like Miles and Bentley hadn’t teased him about his fondness for Vivien long before Carrie came into the picture, but it seemed as though Miles felt the situation evened out the playing field. It made sense in a way. Not only was Vivien one of his best friends, but everyone around them knew he had a thing for her. It wasn’t exactly a secret. In a way, he was sure Vivien knew as well, but he couldn’t tell how she felt on the matter. She never pushed him away - it wasn’t in her nature to anyway - but she also never acted upon what was going on. If she felt anything toward him, she never said, but then again, he never really did either. All he knew was that he adored her and, regardless of her feelings toward him, he would care about her until she told him to do otherwise.

Tearing his gaze away from Vivien once more as the door clicked shut, the bells tinkling a final farewell, Royce took in a deep breath and looked around the store for his younger brother. Almost on cue, Bentley pushed himself from his seat on the floor where he’d been reading comic books and scurried to the door, flipping the lock into place with a smile. Turning back to his brother and Vivien, the blond excitedly asked, “Is it potion time now?”

Chuckling as Royce tugged the cash register drawer from its confines, Vivien nodded, “I think it is.”

Setting the drawer on the shelf under the register, Royce leaned against the counter and asked, “Why don’t you go back and tell them that the lady finally left and that we can leave?”

Sending his brother a mock salute, Bentley beamed and set his comic book on the counter before saying, “Sir, yes, sir,” and taking off for the back room, the door swinging back and forth upon his departure. Royce shook his head, sighing as Bentley disappeared. For the greater part of the last week, he’d been subjected to Bentley’s ramblings on potions and which ones he was willing to make. While Royce was glad his younger brother was excited, he sort of wished it wasn’t the only thing they talked about when nobody else was around.

Vivien chuckled, leaning against the counter with a smile, “You know, I think it’s pretty cool that he’s so interested in all this witchy stuff.”

“Yeah, it is,” Royce agreed with a nod. Taking in a breath, Royce began sorting the money from the cash register as Vivien picked up the logbook and started writing down how many of each bill they had. As he finished with the twenties and set them aside, Royce turned to Vivien and asked, “Wait, didn’t you say something earlier about a magic thing you needed to talk about?”

Penciling in the number of bills Royce had counted, Vivien glanced up and nodded, “I did, but let’s finish this first and we’ll talk with the others about it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.”

Despite his visible skepticism, Royce gave the brunette a slight nod and said, “Alright, if you’re sure.”

Vivien nodded her confirmation before urging Royce to continue counting. By the time they were done and the money was put into the safe under the register, the shop’s speakers had been turned off, and the streetlamps outside were on, moths fluttering around them and casting shadows on the sidewalk. Closing the safe and locking it, Vivien followed Royce to the back room where Mick and Miles were debating whether the herbs they had received in the latest shipment should be placed with the hanging herbs or ground and placed with the jars of herbs while Bentley talked Carrie’s ear off on the couch. As Royce latched the swinging door to keep it from moving, Mick paused in her tirade, glancing over at the young pair as they entered the room.

Sensing Mick’s gaze as the conversations in the room stalled, Vivien slowly turned in the older girl’s direction, raising a hand in a wave as she spoke, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Mick returned as Miles dropped the issue in favor of observing the interaction. Vivien and Mick hadn’t talked often since Halloween, and although Miles had encouraged both of them to step up and put in the effort, his advice seemed to go in one ear and out the other as the two danced on eggshells around each other. After Miles nudged his longtime friend, encouraging her to put in a bit more effort, Mick smiled and said, “I like your hoodie.”

Vivien glanced down and allowed herself to grin. Her blue and yellow hoodie had been bought off of Etsy and was embroidered with a subtle nod toward the most recent Five Nights at Freddy’s game - a small logo for the Security Breach’s daycare declaring Vivien as a staff member. She had bought more than just the one hoodie from the Etsy shop, blasting her way through most of her first official paycheck as she bought one of each of her favorite characters’ fleece hoodies and matching sweatpants. Despite her love of the game, Vivien had chosen to take the more discreet route in choosing her outfit for the day, keeping things moderately simple to avoid unnecessary attention. Although her hair had covered the design for most of the day, she had pulled her hair back while counting the money, so it seemed only fitting that the one person who had gotten her interested in the franchise was also the one to notice the detail. 

Lifting her head, Vivien smiled and began indirectly quoting the game, “I figured we could finger paint, tell some stories, maybe drink some Fizzy Fazz until our heads explode, and then stay up all night.”

“As fun as that sounds,” Carrie began, “I would much rather we keep our heads intact, thank you very much.”

Sighing as she theatrically rolled her eyes, Vivien huffed, “You’re no fun!”

Mick let out a slight snicker, “As long as we keep the lights on, I doubt any of us will lose our heads.”

As Vivien snorted, dissolving into giggles at Mick’s hinted joke, Carrie glanced between the pair and said, “I’m just going to assume that’s something from the game.”

“It is,” Bentley confirmed.

“And you’re not missing much,” Miles added as he crossed the room to gather his belongings.

“Just a murderous animatronic daycare attendant who hunts you down and kills you if you turn the lights off,” Royce finished with a smirk aimed at the blonde, “that’s all.”

“That’s all?” Carrie echoed, mildly concerned that they had all found an interest in such a game. Attempting to process the thought as both Royce and Bentley nodded in confirmation, Carrie’s eyes widened slightly before closing as she shook her head and sighed, “I don’t know how you can find that entertaining.”

“You would if you played it,” Vivien chuckled. 

“Doubtful.”

Choosing to steer the conversation away from the topic at hand, Miles leaned against the armrest of the couch and tucked his hands into his pockets as he said, “Anyway, does anyone need to grab anything before we go?”

Despite the others shaking their heads, Royce said, “Viv said she wanted to talk about something after closing.”

Though she hated the feeling of having everyone’s eyes on her, Vivien was surprisingly calm as she nodded, “I did, yeah.”

“What’s up?” Bentley asked as he moved to sit criss-cross on the couch.

Taking a deep breath as Mick pulled a chair out from the table they usually ate lunch at on weekends and sat down, Vivien thought back to her time at school as she said, “I was on my way to the vending machine at school and I ran into Serena.”

“How is she doing now that she and that other girl have gone their separate ways?” Carrie asked.

“Yeah,” Mick began, “are they leaving you guys alone now?”

“I mean, yeah, but that’s not the point,” Vivien said. “The point is, when I went to walk around her, she grabbed my arm and it was like the whole school lost color.”

Curiously, Miles’ head tipped to the side as he asked, “Like the lights went out?” 

“I didn’t notice anything,” Bentley mentioned.

“No, not like that,” Vivien sighed. Taking a moment to think of something to compare it to, Vivien gestured to the group as she spoke, “Okay, do you guys remember that scene from Harry Potter where Harry meets Dumbledore in the limbo version of the train station and there’s that creepy Voldemort thing under the bench?”

As everyone began nodding, Mick asked, “After Voldemort tried killing him in the forest?”

Vivien nodded, “Exactly. Serena held my arm and the whole school looked like that. Then, when I looked back at her, she was standing in some kind of glass case, banging on the walls and screaming.”

As though Vivien had unplugged a hidden speaker, the room grew silent. Carrie’s sapphire eyes flickered to Mick before landing back on Vivien as Mick’s chocolate eyes flitted down to the floor. Miles took in the seriousness and sincerity in Vivien’s face before moving his gaze onto Mick, wondering to himself if what Vivien described was something she had seen two weeks prior. As Bentley searched Vivien’s face for any sign that she was joking, Royce took a seat beside his younger brother. 

Looking up at Vivien, the middle Murphy brother asked, “Is that why you looked so pale when I found you?”

“That’s part of it,” Vivien nodded. “My blood pressure was low anyway, but the whole Serena thing didn’t exactly help.”

Miles uncrossed his arms as he asked, “How are you now?”

“I’m fine, but that’s not what matters right now,” Vivien sighed. “After Serena let me go, everything around us went back to normal, but there was something about her that just felt off to me.”

Cautiously, Carrie asked, “Like what?”

“Like she wasn’t herself,” Vivien explained. 

“She’s always kind of snarky and rude,” Royce mused with a roll of his eyes.

Vivien nodded, “Well, yeah, but there was this sort of direct, emotionless, borderline-cold tone under it all. It was kind of like - well, I don’t know, actually. It’s hard to describe.”

For the first time since Vivien explained what her interaction with Serena was like, Mick spoke, her tone soft but tense as she asked, “Sort of like she was in the car, but someone else was at the wheel?”

Vivien’s head turned, slowly finding Mick’s form as the brunette’s head lifted, her dark eyes finding Vivien’s with relative ease. Taking in the older girl’s expression, Vivien took in a breath and slowly nodded as she muttered, “Yeah.”

Although the room had grown tense, Carrie scooted to the edge of her seat and attempted to smile as she suggested, “That doesn’t mean Serena’s possessed. She could be having trouble at home or something; that can change someone’s behavior.” 

“But what about the vision Viv saw?” Bentley asked.

Before Carrie could answer, Mick spoke again, “From what I remember, I never gave anybody visions.”

“You didn’t,” Miles confirmed with a slight shake of his head, “but that doesn’t rule it out entirely.”

Trying to offer something other than the worst possible scenario, Carrie stood from the couch and made her way to the growing pile of books the kids had left by the bookshelf as she said, “What if it’s something different entirely?”

“Like what?” Royce asked sarcastically. “It sounds a lot like Serena is possessed.”

“And maybe she is,” Carrie said as she began pulling books from the pile and setting them aside. Taking a book from the stack with a smile, Carrie held it up for the others to see as she asked, “But what if there’s a different way to go about this? That way, we don’t have to go about doing another exorcism.”

“What do you have in mind?” Mick asked as Carrie began flipping through the old, worn book.

“My first thought was astral projections,” Carrie confessed. “I’ve been looking through some of these books to see if I could figure out how the kids’ abilities could branch into other forms of magic over time and training, but the only one to offer any help was this one.”

Peering over the blonde’s shoulder as the pages flicked by, Vivien asked, “What did you find?”

Carrie hummed until she found the proper page, pointing to an extensive paragraph as she began reading aloud, “‘Astral projection, also known as astral travel or out-of-body experience, is the practice of separating one’s consciousness from their physical body and traveling to the astral realm. The astral realm is said to be a non-physical realm that exists parallel to the physical world, where energy and consciousness exist in a different form. In this realm, one can explore different planes of existence, communicate with spirits and other entities, and gain a deeper understanding of themselves and the universe. Some records in history suggest that witches as far back as medeival times used these projections to communicate with others possessing the same abilities. One of the most infamous records of astral projection was written by a supposed witch who was later hung for witchcraft during the Salem Witch Trials. The document speaks of witches talking to one another on another plane of existence, warning other accused witches of what was to come.’”

Following along as best as she could over Carrie’s shoulder, Vivien said, “That could be what happened.”

“It sounds like it,” Bentley mused.

“I would prefer that over having to deal with another possessed person roaming through Salem,” Mick piped up.

“Hang on,” Royce began as he stood from his seat. “What if it’s both?”

“Both?” Miles asked.

Royce nodded, “What if the real Serena is possessed, but she’s projecting to Vivien as a way of asking for help?”

After a moment of silence passed over the room, Mick said, “That makes sense. When I was possessed, it felt like I was trapped inside myself. The real Serena being trapped inside a glass box is sort of fitting.”

“So,” Bentley drawled as he glanced around at everybody, “what do we do about it?”

“We could lure her to the church,” Miles offered.

“No, we can’t,” Mick sighed. “Most of the churches in the area are either having meetings for Thanksgiving food donations or hosting events tonight.”

“How did you find that out?” Royce asked with a raised eyebrow.

“My parents were going to use one of the dining halls for their school reunion,” Mick shrugged.

“Alright,” Vivien breathed. “Where else could we take her?”

“What about a cemetery?” Carrie suggested. “Those are hallowed ground, right?”

“Yeah, because nothing screams serial killer quite like luring someone to a cemetary after dark,” Royce snipped, earning himself a nudge to the ribs from Bentley.

“How about we lure her to our house?” Miles offered.

“Are you insane?” Bentley asked as everyone else began arguing over the thought. “Not only would it be stupid to bring a possessed witch to our house, but Mom’s home tonight. If Serena tries to fight us, we can’t fight back in front of her.”

“Hear me out,” Miles began. Once the room was quiet once more, he continued, “Because mom bakes a lot, she’s got a ton of salt in the pantry. If we go around the house and put up a salt ring to protect ourselves inside the house, Serena can’t touch us.”

“Her magic would bounce off,” Mick said thoughtfully. 

Miles nodded, “Exactly.”

Once the concept had settled within everyone’s minds, Royce spoke up, “How are we going to get her there?”

Before Miles could come up with anything, Carrie gestured between Vivien and Royce as she asked, “Do either of you share a class with her that has a test coming up; something that would require a lot of notes for?”

Vivien shook her head, “We both have science with her, but we don’t have any tests until next Friday.”

“I have geography with her,” Royce sighed. “We’ve got a test on Thursday for the semester’s closing grades.”

“Well,” Carrie began, a devilish smile tugging at her glossy lips, “you could text her and say that you have a bunch of notes for the test that she can use if she needs them.”

“How would that draw her in?” Miles wondered.

“Normally, it wouldn’t,” Vivien explained, “but if she is possessed, whatever it is won’t know that.”

“Exactly,” Carrie agreed, beaming proudly at the brunette.

Royce thought for a moment before slowly speaking, “So I lure her to the house with geography notes - that much I get - but what do we do after that?”

“We’ll figure it out as we go,” Mick said as she rose from her seat. “For now, let’s gather some protection crystals and get going before we lose our opportunity.”

“What do you suggest?” Carrie asked.

Instead of answering directly, Mick turned to Vivien on her way to the front of the shop and asked, “Vivien?”

“What?” the young brunette asked as she followed Mick to the shop.

With a proud smile, Mick held the door open for the others as she explained, “This is your area of expertise, gremlin; what do you think?”

As a surge of pride coursed through Vivien’s veins, she beamed. Reining herself in, Vivien glanced over the round tables covered in baskets of crystals before humming, “Maybe some black obsidian or malachite to keep toxic energy away, and moldavite for some good luck?”

Royce and Bentley descended on the tables, pulling crystals from their containers and tucking them in their pockets before making their way back to where Vivien and Mick stood. “Anything else?” Bentley asked.

“What about fluorite or citrine?” Royce asked. “You said those are pretty lucky.”

“They are,” Vivien agreed, “but more for personal luck than anything.”

“I think we should be good with what we’ve got,” Mick said. “I have some sage in my car that we can leave on the front steps to ward off any evil intentions.”

“And we’ll have enough salt to keep her out just in case,” Miles agreed as he fished his keys from his pocket.

Clapping her hands together, Carrie smiled as she said, “In that case, let’s hit the road before it gets much darker out.”

Though the others followed Carrie and Miles to the back room to lock up, Vivien stared at the crystals before her, wondering if she had made the right call. Glancing back over her shoulder at the group, Vivien sighed and took a step forward, shoving a small slab of black onyx, a few pieces of smithsonite, and a couple of shards of moonstone into her pocket before turning and following the others out, slipping the lock into place behind her. Trailing behind the others, Vivien picked up the pace, pulling the already locked door closed after grabbing her coat and backpack from the hooks on the back wall and rushing to catch up with the others who had already begun rounding the building. As she tugged on her coat, Vivien allowed Bentley to hold the gate open for her, thanking him as she slung her backpack strap onto her shoulder.

Miles unlocked his Jeep and opened the passenger side doors for his brothers and girlfriend as Mick made her way to the beat-up Volkswagen she had bought from one of the older guys who frequented the shop. Before Viviuen could climb inside the Jeep, Miles closed the door behind Bentley. “Not so fast, kid.”

Looking up at her pseudo-older brother, Vivien raised an eyebrow and asked, “What; are you planning on shoving me in the trunk?”

“Not after last time,” Miles said with a snort. “Look, Ethan left his junk in the back seat this morning and I barely have enough room for the boys as it is.”

Noticing the way Miles refused to look her in the eyes, Vivien sighed, “You just want me to ride with Mick, don’t you?”

Apologetic, icy blue eyes flickered up to meet Vivien’s as the brunette crossed her arms over her chest. “Sorry, mon étoile, but I think she needs you now.”

Slowly tearing her gaze away from Miles and letting her eyes drift onto the older brunette who appeared to be struggling to open her old bus’ driver’s door, Vivien let out a deep sigh, “Fine, but you owe me.”

“I know,” Miles said with a gracious smile, bringing an arm around the girl as he walked her to the back of the Jeep. “Thank you, kiddo.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Vivien brushed off, leaning her head against Miles for a moment before moving out from his hold and making her way to the old Volkswagen just a few parking spaces down. Upon approaching the vehicle, Vivien called out, “Did you lock yourself out again or something?”

Jumping at the sudden voice, Mick looked up and laughed, “For once, no. The doors have been sticking lately because of the cold. Do you think you could climb in through the passenger side and kick it open?”

“Why not just climb in before me and we can go?” Vivien asked, gesturing to the car as Miles started his Jeep.

“I have the door partially open and it won’t stop dinging unless I close it, but how come you’re riding with me?” Mick asked as she let go of the latch. “I thought you’d be riding with Miles and Carrie.”

Vivien shrugged in an attempt to act nonchalant as she rounded the large vehicle and yanked the passenger door open, “Ethan left a bunch of shit in the car, so there’s no room, but I also just wanted to ride with you anyway.”

“You do?” Mick asked as she stepped away from the door, her voice muffled by the thick metal and glass of the car.

“Well, yeah,” Vivien said as she dropped into the driver’s seat and began kicking the door. Once the heavy door popped open, she leaned out to Mick and said, “I feel like we haven’t really hung out since Halloween and I miss you.”

Hoping the younger girl couldn’t see the pain in her eyes as she took her spot in the driver’s seat, Mick spoke softly, “I miss you too, gremlin.”

As the old bus’ engine roared to life and the clunky radio sputtered through static to the first available station, Vivien tugged her seatbelt on and offered the girl to her left a smile as she said, “I’m sort of glad you missed me.”

“You are?” Mick asked as she pulled onto the streets behind Miles’ Jeep. “How come?”

“It felt like you were shutting me out after everything that happened,” Vivien admitted as she watched the shop’s storefront disappear in the rearview mirror.

“I’m sorry,” Mick muttered. “Things have been hard since Halloween.”

“I get it,” Vivien nodded, looking over to the older girl. “Believe me, after almost setting our kitchen on fire the other night, I get it.”

Despite offering the younger girl a laugh, Mick shook her head, “Somehow, I don’t think it’s quite the same.”

Vivien chuckled but took in a deep breath as she admitted, “I get what you mean, though. Things just aren’t the same anymore.”

“They aren’t.”

For a while, the only noise in the car was the radio between them, the sound of Harry Styles’ voice coming through the faint static of the scratchy speakers as his song As It Was began playing just loud enough to be heard over the engine. Vivien tried not to scoff at the irony of the situation, choosing to take in a slow, deep breath as she softly admitted, “Sometimes, I wish we never got magic in the first place.”

Pulling to a stop at a red light, Mick’s dark eyes flitted over to her young friend as she asked, “Why on earth would you want that?”

A ghost of a grin tugged at Vivien’s lips as she turned to Mick and admitted, “If we never got our magic, things never would have changed. The boys and I wouldn’t have to keep secrets from everyone we care about, we would all be able to live normal lives, you never would have been possessed…” taking in a deep breath, Vivien allowed her words to drift off and looked away as she finished, “you and I would still be close.”

“We can be close again,” Mick reminded her as she reached over and took hold of Vivien’s hand. “We can go back to our mall trips and sleepovers and stuff. It’ll just take some time getting there again.”

“I know,” Vivien breathed, squeezing Mick’s hand as she turned back toward the older girl. “It’s just… there are times when I miss just being a normal girl - worrying about prom and grades and friendships instead of having to worry about setting fire to my chemistry lab or summoning some ancient demon because I read a spell wrong.”

Sending the girl a wary look as the light turned green, Mick asked, “You didn’t actually do those things, did you?”

“No,” Vivien laughed as Mick pulled away from the traffic light. “I’m just saying that things were easier before and I sort of miss having that simplicity.”

Nodding in understanding, Mick took in a deep breath and said, “Well, if it means anything to you, I think you guys are doing amazingly. You’ve really come into your powers.”

“Thanks,” Vivien said with a smile. “I just wish I could give you some of it.”

Sending the girl a quick smile as she turned onto Forrester Street, Mick said, “I know you do, gremlin, but I guess some things just aren’t meant to be.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Mick said as she pulled into the driveway behind Miles. “I’ve sort of come to terms with it all.”

“That’s good, I guess,” Vivien offered.

“It is.” As Mick pushed her door open and released Vivien’s hand, she said, “Just know that I’m grateful to be able to watch you and the boys grow into your magic.”

“Thanks, Mickie,” Vivien said with a smile.

Mick nodded before siding out from her side of the car and slamming the door shut, making her way to the front of the vehicle, where Vivien met up with her. Following the others inside through the garage, Royce said, “I texted Serena, and she said she would be over after having something for dinner.”

“That should give us more than enough time to salt the house,” Miles said. 

Bentley hurried up the steps to the door leading inside the house as he said, “I’ll distract Mom if you guys want to start grabbing salt.”

Stepping inside the kitchen, however, the group was surprised to find Dorothea tending to the crock pot on the kitchen counter. The older woman turned to her children and their gaggle of friends with a smile as she spoke, “You’re late.”

“Sorry, Mama,” the Murphy brothers replied on instinct.

Dorothea brushed them off with a slight wave before urging them into the kitchen, “Come get a bowl. I think we’ll eat in the living room tonight. We can watch a movie if you’d like.”

Cautiously stepping up to fulfill his role, Bentley said, “That sounds great, Mama, but can we set aside some food for Mick’s parents first? They’re going to something at Hanna Devine’s, and they said they’d still be hungry later.”

“That’s fine,” Dorothea claimed, glancing over Bentley at the girl in question. “You should know I always make enough for leftovers.”

“Thanks,” Mick said with a smile. 

As soon as the woman turned to pull bowls from the cabinet, Miles grabbed Royce by the wrist and pulled toward the pantry. However, before they could do more than open the door, Dorothea’s voice stopped them, “Not so fast, boys.” Stilling against the door, Miles and Royce shared a startled look before leaning back to see their mother slowly turn back toward them with a knowing look on her face. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Grabbing popcorn for movie night?” Royce offered tentatively.

“No need, I already got it out,” the older woman said, gesturing to the box of microwavable popcorn bags on the counter. “What were you looking for this time? More salt?”

Miles tried to appear as nonchalant as possible as he stammered, “Wh-What? What are you- what do you mean?”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice all of my salt going missing on Halloween,” Dorothea said with a shake of her head. “Or Royce’s laundry not needing to be done at all in the last two weeks, or the cookies in the jar never moving despite the crumbs all over the counter, or Bentley’s chocolate milk magically refilling every morning when I’m not looking.”

Stunned by the woman’s intuition, Bentley’s eyes widened as he slowly turned back toward his mom and asked, “You saw that?”

“I’m not blind, mon âme,” Dorothea told Bentley, a glimmer of something knowingly mischievous in her eyes as she smiled at her youngest. “Even without my own magic, I would be able to figure it out eventually.”

“Your own magic?” Carrie repeated curiously.

“You have magic?” Mick asked.

“That I do, lutin d’eau,” Dorothea said with a nod. “How else would my children have their abilities?”

“My parents don’t have magic,” Vivien said with a shrug.

Sending the young girl a look that made her begin doubting herself, the woman asked, “Are you sure about that?”

Vivien opened her mouth to reply but found the words dying off in her throat as she slowly admitted, “Not anymore.”

“So, wait,” Miles began, “Mom, you’re a witch?”

Dorothea nodded, “Have been since I was about sixteen, yes.”

“And you knew we had magic?” Royce asked.

“It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out,” Dorothea chuckled. “Most people who have had their magic for a while can tell when another magical person is around. The energy is different.”

“What are your powers?” Bentley asked.

Gesturing to the food on the counter, Dorothea claimed, “Most of the time, I use magic in my foods. Before you leave the house, I make breakfast with protection charms or herbs. Before bed, you have some of my special cookies to make you sleep peacefully. I make sure that, no matter what, you are protected and happy while eating the things you like.”

Although every other person looked reasonably impressed with the matriarch’s claim, Miles was the first to ask, “How did we not know?”

“Because it’s all you’ve ever known from me,” Dorothea shrugged as she leaned against the counter. “I wasn’t always a master chef or baker.”

With his jaw practically on the floor, Royce grinned as he asked, “Have you ever spelled us without us knowing?”

“Of course,” the woman replied. “Why do you think I always offered you goodies when you thought you would be in trouble?”

“Those were magic brownies?” Vivien asked, stepping up to the woman and rifling through one of the overhead cabinets before pulling down a glass jar of cookies and brownies. Setting the jar on the counter and pulling a brownie from the jar, she asked, “Can I have one? What will it make me do?”

Curious to see the outcome, Dorothea smirked and gestured for the girl to eat the baked treat, “Why don’t you tell me?”

Vivien eyed the brownie for a moment before quickly taking a bite, keeping anyone from stopping her. As Carrie gasped and Mick and Miles stepped closer, Dorothea raised a hand and shook her head with an amused smile, making them stop in their tracks as Vivien hummed around the brownie, “You always make the best brownies.”

“Thank you,” Dorothea chuckled. 

“No, like, seriously,” Vivien muttered as she swallowed. “I swear, if I ever get married, I would want a giant tray of just your brownies instead of a cake.”

“I’ll be sure to write that down,” the woman said with a smile. “Now, do me a favor and turn toward your friends.”

Not one to disobey the woman, Vivien turned, fluttering the fingers of her free hand in greeting as she took another bite of her brownie, “Now what?”

“Tell me what you think of each of them.”

Glancing curiously at the older woman, Vivien shrugged and swallowed the food in her mouth before allowing her gaze to land on Miles as she spoke, “Miles is the older brother I always wanted but never got. I can always call him if I need help with anything, and he’s supportive of everything I do. If it weren’t for him and Riven, I would be overworking myself constantly and struggling with a lot of mental health issues.”

Despite appearing minutely worried for Vivien as she took a final bite of her brownie, Miles’ expression softened as he asked, “Really?”

“Yeah,” Vivien said, clapping her hands together to rid them of crumbs. “I have a tendency to throw myself into things without any regard for my own well-being, but you always make me step back and think first. Riven helps when he can, but you’re always there for me, sort of like the big brother I always pictured in my head, but never got in real life.”

Before Miles could say anything more, Dorothea nudged the girl and asked, “What about Mick, Carrie, or the boys?”

“Well,” Vivien began, “Mick has known me since I was a baby and has been looking out for me like a sister for as long as I can remember. We used to hang out a lot, but since she was possessed on Halloween, she’s been distant.” Mick’s gaze fell to the old, creaky planks of wood beneath her feet, but she didn’t get much time to think as Vivien said, “I don’t know how to approach her most of the time, but I love her no matter what.” 

Carrie placed a hand on Mick’s arm, sending the brunette a smile as her gaze snapped up to Vivien once more. “We’ll work on it together,” Mick offered.

“I know,” Vivien said. “Anyway, as for Carrie, I wasn’t sure what to think of you growing up because Mick said you were stuck up and prissy, but Miles liked you because you because you got along really well when you worked together on a project. Also, when the town was doing The Wizard of Oz a few years back, I wanted to be Dorothy, but you got the role instead because I was way too young, and I didn’t like that at the time which made me not like you until we started working on the show together and you were actually pretty cool with me. I really like you now and think that you’re a great addition to our little group.”

Despite the evident confusion on Vivien’s face as she finished speaking, Carrie’s signature smile appeared as she thanked the younger girl. Before giving Vivien the chance to ask questions, Dorothea cut in, “What about Bentley? How do you feel about him?”

As though a rubber band had snapped her back into place, Vivien’s gaze landed on Bentley, and she began, “Bentley is a lot like Oliver, and I would protect him with my life if I had to. He’s like this little golden retriever puppy that just showed up in my life one day, and I decided to keep him out of love. Even though he plays it off like no big deal, he’s very talented and is very emotionally intelligent. He knows when someone isn’t feeling right and will go out of his way to help them. He’s been family to me practically my whole life, and I think that, if platonic soulmates are a thing, he’s definitely one of mine.”

Deciding to wrap everything up instead of talking about what Vivien had said, Bentley looked to Royce and gestured to him as he asked, “What about Rolls?”

“Actually,” Dorothea interrupted, placing a hand over Vivien’s mouth before the girl could give more information than she wanted to, “I think that’s enough for now.”

As the woman slowly released Vivien and handed her the glass of water she had been sipping out of while making dinner, Vivien asked, “What was in that thing?”

“That was one of my truth-seeking brownies,” Dorothea claimed. “With a small dose of a potion mixed in the chocolate, one bite would make the one eating it tell the truth until the magic wore off with time or, in this case, water. Anytime the boys would get into trouble growing up, I would give them something like this to make sure I knew what had actually happened.”

“So that’s how you got me to tell you about the broken vase!” Bentley exclaimed accusatorily. Although Bentley hadn’t been the one to break their mother’s newly made, handmade vase - Royce had - he hadn’t been able to keep things under wraps long enough to fix the vase himself. His mom had given him a fresh-from-the-oven cookie, and he found himself spilling the beans without hesitation. He hadn’t thought much of it at the time as he had a tendency to ramble things without thinking, but now that his mother had made it clear that she was the reason, it all made sense.

“That’s right,” Dorothea said with a nod. “We can speak more about it later. For now, who would like to tell me why you feel the need to sneak into the pantry?”

Before giving anyone else a chance to speak, Vivien blurted, “One of our friends from school might be possessed by dark magic, and she’s coming here to get notes from Royce, so we planned on making a salt ring around the house to keep her from coming in.”

With a raised eyebrow, Carrie asked, “I thought you said water was supposed to get rid of the truth potion?”

“It takes a few minutes to work through,” Dorothea explained as she patted Vivien on the shoulder sympathetically.

“Oh, yay,” Vivien sighed sarcastically.

“Anyway,” Dorothea began as she turned toward the rest of her children and their friends, “since what she says is true, we’ll need to work fast. Miles, Carrie, and Mick, you three stay with me. I have some sage and other herbs we can hang by the doorway to ward off dark magic. Royce, Vivien, and Bentley, you three take the salt and follow each other around the house with it. The thicker the salt, the better. Just make sure it isn’t too obvious and keep the line as close to the front door as possible.”

As Vivien followed Bentley and Royce to the pantry to retrieve the salt, Dorothea turned the slow cooker onto low heat and waited for the kids to run outside through the back door before heading into the pantry and sliding open a panel on the back wall. Inside was a rotating, lazy-Susan-style shelving unit filled with bottles that contained either liquids, jars of various ground items, or herbs, and a rack of wrapped herbs dangling from above.

Examining the hidden unit, Miles asked, “When was that built?” 

“Not long after your father left,” Dorothea answered as she began pulling things from the shelves. Holding out a bundle of wrapped sage, she said, “Now, split this evenly between you three and go smudge the doorways and windows while I make up a quick potion to drizzle over the salt circle. By the time the kids are done and the potion is ready, the girl should be on her way over.”

Without any argument, Miles took the sage from his mother and began unwrapping it, heading into the kitchen to grab a lighter from near the stove before handing out sage to Mick and Carrie. Watching her son and his friends move toward the front of the house, Dorothea took in a deep breath and pulled out her cell phone, tapping a few different things before bringing up the group chat she had with Mick’s parents, letting them know their daughter had arrived safely, and they would set aside some food for them. After receiving a message from Mack in return, thanking her for letting them know, Dorothea pocketed her phone once more and silently prayed that she would be able to protect the children in her care as she closed the pantry once more.

Before she could make her way to the living room, though, the door leading to the garage opened, and a faint surge of fiery power coursed through her. Curious, Dorothea turned and watched as a head of shoulder-length blonde hair pulled into a pair of half-up space buns stepped into the house, ditching a messenger backpack on the floor next to the door as it closed. Kona was quick to tug her detachable roller skates from her sneakers and shove them into her backpack as Dorothea smiled at her. Pushing her bangs from her face with a smile, Kona said, “Hey, Mrs Bentley’s Mom.”

“Kona,” Dorothea began, examining the shades of pink and teal that flooded the energy surrounding the girl, “I didn’t know you were coming over. We’re just about to eat; would you care to join us?”

“I can’t, actually,” Kona said with a sigh as she grabbed a cookie from the counter. “Dad’s making a traditional hawaiian dinner for Mom tonight, but I wanted to come over to talk with Ben, Royce, and Vivi.”

“They’re out back at the moment, but they should be in soon,” Dorothea said. “Is it something for school?”

“No, just friendship stuff,” Kona shrugged before taking a bite of her cookie. “Ben and I argued a bit this morning, but I talked it over with Zack and Gus after school and figured we could work things out tonight as a group.”

Nodding in understanding, Dorothea gestured to the dining table and said, “In the meantime, would you like to talk with me about it? I might offer an unbiased opinion.”

“I don’t know if I’m really supposed to say anything,” Kona began as she tugged one of the chairs out from the table, “but I assume that, if what he was saying is real, then you’d know about it too.”

“Most likely,” Dorothea agreed with a hum as she sat in Miles’ usual spot at the table. Sending the girl a comforting smile, she gestured with her hand and said, “The floor is yours.”

Sucking in a deep breath, Kona glanced around for any trace of Bentley before allowing herself to ramble, something she had always found relatively easy in the woman’s presence. She started her retelling of the morning - how her cat had woken her up by smothering her, her younger sister had refused to put clothes on before daycare, and her first attempt at waffles had made a disaster of the kitchen counters - then, she brought the story into the beginning of her school day. Quickly, she got into Bentley’s story and how he had pulled her aside like it was some big secret before telling her about all that had happened on Halloween. 

Nodding along as though she hadn’t already surmised what happened that fateful day, Dorothea listened as Kona told her side of the conversation before asking a single question, “And you don’t believe him?”

Kona heaved a sigh, “It’s not like I don’t want to believe him - I do - it’s just really hard to. He sounded nervous, but that also made it sound like he was lying through his teeth.”

“I understand,” Dorothea nodded. “But, if you were in his shoes and you had to tell him that you possessed magic in some way, wouldn’t you be nervous as well?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Kona breathed. “I just didn’t think about it at the time.”

“Again, that’s understandable,” Dorothea said with a smile as she watched the array of colors around the girl swirl and shift with every thought that ran through her head. “So, what did Zack and August have to offer?”

“They sort of pointed out that Bentley’s a terrible liar and that I should maybe try sitting down and talking with him more to get the whole story,” Kona admitted. With a faintly nervous chuckle, she said, “So, here I am, ready to try a bit harder.”

“And you want Royce and Vivien there to verify everything?” Dorothea surmised. 

Kona nodded, but before she could say anything, the front door opened, and like a herd of elephants, Bentley, Royce, and Vivien hurried into the house. As he led the way, Bentley called out, “Mama, we finished the salt circle. What do we do now?” 

Upon finding Kona sitting across from his mother, Bentley’s voice faded into silence. While Bentley scrambled to find something to say and Royce’s eyes widened, Vivien offered a hesitant smile as she said, “Kona, what are you doing here?”

“We need to talk,” the blonde said as she pushed herself out of her seat. “Bentley told me about this whole witch business this morning and I want to have an actual conversation about it.”

“We can’t right now,” Royce stated apologetically as he checked the time on his phone. Serena would be there any minute; they didn’t have time for this!

“Why not?” Kona wondered, crossing her arms over her chest. Nodding toward Mrs Murphy, she said, “She let me talk with her. Why can’t we talk now?”

Before anyone could think of an answer, Carrie’s voice came from the stairs as she, Miles, and Mick came down from the upper floor, “We finished smudging the house.”

“Yeah,” Miles continued as they entered the kitchen. “What do we do now-” As his eyes landed on Kona, he asked, “What’s she doing here?”

“Looking for answers,” Kona replied. “What are you guys doing?” 

Faintly feeling the effects of the brownie she had eaten earlier, Vivien replied, “Smudging and making salt circles to protect against dark magic.”

Sensing the growing frustration boiling within Kona’s small frame, Dorothea stood from her spot at the table and placed a placating hand on the girl’s shoulder. “I’ll explain in a moment. For now, you all need to keep an eye out for Serena. Go sit in the living room and do whatever you think is necessary before she gets here. I’ll handle this.”

Despite Royce and Vivien allowing Carrie and Mick to guide them into the living room, Bentley swallowed thickly as Miles tried guiding him away, muttering a soft, “I’m sorry, Kone,” as he turned back toward her for a fleeting moment.

Once Bentley was out of sight, Kona turned to Dorothea and asked, “What’s going on?”

“As I said, I’ll explain everything,” Dorothea said softly, gently guiding Kona back to her seat. “But first, I need you to sit. This will be a lot to take in all at once.”

“What do you mean, you told her?” Miles asked.

“I told her about us,” Bentley explained. “We talked about telling her the other day, so I figures it would be fine.”

“Well, there’s no backing out now,” Carrie claimed from her spot near the picture window. “She knows and, in the long haul, I think it’s for the best.”

Pulling his notebook for geography out of his backpack, Royce said, “I actually agree.”

Slapping a hand to her friend’s forehead, Vivien smirked as she asked, “Are you sick or something? I could’ve sworn I heard you say you agree with Carrie.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Royce deadpanned as he pried Vivien’s hand from his face. “I just think that Kona was bound to know eventually.”

“True,” Mick said from her perch on the coffee table.

Vivien hummed in agreement as she took the notebook from Royce and pulled the thin slab of black onyx from her pocket, tucking it inside the notebook before handing it back to him. Opening the notebook to the hidden crystal, Royce asked, “What’s that for?”

“It’s black onyx,” Vivien explained. “It’s supposed to draw out negative energy. I figured it might help Serena if we give it to her in a way that she won’t notice it.”

Closing the notebook again and feeling just how flat the book still felt, Royce grinned, “Sneaky.”

“Just one of the many reasons you love me,” Vivien claimed proudly. Before allowing him to respond, she said, “I figured it’s flat enough that she won’t realize it’s there, and if she does, you can always claim it’s a pencil or something.”

“Smart,” Mick mused with a smile as she watched over the young pair.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Vivien taunted, shoving the girl’s knee with a smile. “I think those years of spending every afternoon in the shop with you have paid off.”

“I suppose they have,” Mick chuckled.

Moving away from the window, Carrie pointed toward the outside as she exclaimed, “She’s coming up the driveway!”

“Alright,” Miles said, patting Royce on the back as his younger brother stood. Holding the brunet by his shoulders, he asked, “You know what to do?”

With a nod, Royce began counting on his fingers as he listed, “Act normal, talk about the test, offer to let her in, give her the notebook either way, and once she leaves, we decide what to do next.”

“Good,” Miles said, running a hand over Royce’s chocolate curls before pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Royce muttered.

Squeezing his brother’s shoulders, Miles reassured him, “You’ve got this, RJ. Remember, it’s just Serena; she’s your friend.”

“She’s just possessed, that’s all,” Royce huffed as the doorbell rang.

“Be nice,” Miles reminded him, sending a meaningful glance in Mick’s direction despite the girl not being able to hear their hushed conversation. “Your friend is still in there somewhere.”

Nodding more for Miles’ sake than his own, Royce turned toward the door and sucked in a deep breath as he crossed the gap between himself and the heavy, oaken frame. Forcing a small smile onto his face, Royce let out the breath he’d been holding and tugged the door open, allowing the chilled autumn air to brush calmingly across his face as he found Serena leaning against the column at the edge of the porch. “Hey, Serena.”

“Royce,” the redhead greeted in return, a sort of grin tugging at her lips. “Thanks again for letting me borrow your notes.”

“Yeah, of course, anytime,” Royce replied. Stepping to the side and gesturing to the inside of the house, he asked, “Do you want to come in? It’s kind of cold outside.”

Royce took note of how the girl’s hazel eyes flickered to the old, wooden beams that made up the porch, her gaze minutely trailing the thin line of salt trailing into the coarse artificial grass of the doormat. Although Royce knew the moment only lasted a second or so, time felt slower as Serena’s gaze landed back on him. Forcing his smile to remain plastered across his face, Royce watched as she shook her head with a somewhat distant smile and replied, “I would, but I have babysitting duty.”

If there was one thing Royce remembered about Serena, it was her hatred of babysitting. After years of being made to watch the young kids of her church and being forced to sit at the kid’s table every year, the last thing Serena would ever want was to babysit. He could vaguely recall hearing her have a shouting match with her mother in the school parking lot about having to babysit a kid that wasn’t hers - presumably in reference to her younger half-sibling, Sawyer. If Serena was willingly babysitting Sawyer, something had to be up.

“Oh, well, that’s okay,” Royce brushed off despite his mental notes saying otherwise. Instead, he held the notebook out with a smile and replied, “Maybe next time, then.”

“Yeah, sure,” Serena replied with a quick roll of her eyes that Royce supposed he wasn’t meant to see. However, as Serena latched onto the book and brought it close to her chest, he watched as her eyes flickered rapidly, the color in them gradually shifting from hazel to crimson as they moved from one side to the other faster than Royce could register. Then, all at once, it stopped as Serena’s eyes dissolved back to fear-filled hazel. “Royce?” she questioned breathlessly.

“Serena?” Royce asked slowly in return. “What’s going-”

“How did you make it stop?” Serena interrupted, her eyes wide and glossy with unshed tears of relief. Though Royce had begun to open his mouth in response, Serena quickly shook her head and said, “Actually, nevermind; it’s not important right now.” Reaching out and taking Royce’s arm, she found his eyes and pleaded, “You have to help me. I don’t know what happened, but I’ve been stuck in my own body for weeks now and I can’t get out.”

“What do you remember?” Royce pressed.

“Halloween,” Serena claimed, swiping under her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. “You guys came to the church to look for something and I left, but then I came back and you all were gone, so I cleaned the mess you left and then I-” Serena choked on a breath, shaking her head as she breathed, “the next thing I know, it’s like I’m trapped in my head and nobody hears me screaming for help.”

Taking in as much information as he could from the rambling girl, Royce nodded, “I know Vivien talked to you.”

“It wasn’t much, but I tried,” Serena agreed. “I can’t hold her off for long.”

“Her?” 

Serena nodded, releasing Royce’s arm to wipe the streaks of tears from her face as she replied, “The other me. She’s strong and powerful and I know it has something to do with magic.”

“Magic? Like ancient magic?” Royce restated. When Serena shrugged with a hum of confirmation, he asked, “How do we help you out of this?”

“I don’t know,” Serena muttered, her voice shaking with every heave of her shoulders. “You, Vivien, and Bentley were always the ones to know everything about magic, not me. That was never my strong suit. All I know is that she can’t touch salt and-”

As Serena’s words died in her throat, Royce took a step back, watching her eyes begin flickering once more. “And what?” Frustratingly, Serena’s mouth moved despite no sound coming from her lips, and Royce gripped the door frame with wide eyes as her eyes clenched shut, and he heard a dull cracking sound come from the book in her hands. Royce sucked in a breath as he realized the crystal tucked inside the notebook had broken.

Like a rubber band, Serena’s eyes snapped open, and a dark, ruby glare settled within her gaze. Despite both of them knowing she couldn’t do anything to hurt him because of the rings of salt around the house, Royce still felt his fight-or-flight instincts screaming at him to do something to preserve himself, and the people he knew were watching from the window. Serena took a half-step back, the blood-red hue of her eyes diminishing gradually the further she got from the doorway. Tilting her head to the side with an almost demonic smile, Serena let out a dark cackle of laughter before speaking, “Just because you and your little friends defeated me once does not mean I will let it happen again.”

“Says you,” Royce hissed.

“Precisely,” Serena spoke. Stepping down from the porch, Serena’s smile turned eerie as she waved a hand toward the window, sparks of fire flitting from her fingertips. Turning back to Royce, she said, “Watch yourselves, children. Your magic may be cosmic, but mine is ancient. I will take it from you eventually.”

Not wishing to anger the woman further, Royce chose to keep his mouth shut, watching as Serena’s figure turned and stalked off toward the end of the driveway. As she neared the edge, she dug into the notebook, pulled out the broken shards of the onyx slab, and held them up for them to see before holding her fist over the wheeled trash can Bentley hadn’t yet brought back into the garage and crushing the shards in her fist. Dumping the shattered remnants of the crystal into the empty trash can, Serena gave a final, dramatic bow before releasing a cackled laugh, slipping into the driver's seat of her violet-wrapped Audi, and pulling away from the house with a squeal of her tires and a deep growl from the engine.

[cryptidsurveys]

Sunday, October 6th, 2024.

When did you last drink coffee? I'm drinking coffee right now - with almond milk and pumpkin spice creamer.

When did you last cry? And why, if you feel like sharing. I was about to say that I couldn't recall the last time I full-on cried (I didn't cry over the recent family drama even though it would have been perfectly understandable; I don't think I truly cried over the Alex situation, although there may have been some tears in my eyes…), but then it hit me - Wild Robot had my emotions spilling all over the place. My mom said, "That movie definitely had me choking up," and I was like, "Yeah, I cried like four times!!!" :')

What was the last beach you visited and when? I visited Ocean City while staying with friends of the family in NJ. I think I was around 16 years old. Possibly 17. The other day, my dad and I were trying to figure out when my sibling moved in with my mom, and we ended up going over my whole teenage timeline, trying to figure out when this or that happened, and it made me realize that stage of my life has become a jumbled blur. There are certain events I can pinpoint down to the exact date, but when it comes to other things, I can't even remember the year in which they occurred.

What book do you plan to read next? I would like to read Ecology Of Souls by Joshua Cutchin. I've read all of his other books and that was his latest release. However, I know from experience that they tend to fry my brain (not because they're especially dense or difficult, but because his passion is fizzy and contagious), so I'm just…trying to prepare myself, lmao. At the moment, I'm reading a story by my best friend called M.A.Z.E.

What fictional character/s remind you of yourself? There are plenty of characters I can relate to in one way or another, but none of them really remind me of myself.

What's in your fridge right now? List as many things as you can think of. Mustard, ranch dressing, sriracha sauce, brown sugar & cinnamon cream cheese, Greek yogurt, eggs, chocolate syrup, almond milk, salad greens, cheese, a pistachio & walnut muffin, some cookies, coffee creamers, grapes, some baked goods and bread my dad brought home yesterday afternoon, Gatorade, leftover beans and rice, hamburger and hotdog buns, and a lunch I packed this morning for a trip to the Mountain Park (we ended up not going due to car trouble, boo).

If you could have any artist, living or dead, paint your portrait, who would it be? I'm not sure.

Do you smell anything in particular right now? No.

Do you make enough money to live comfortably? [can be in combination with a spouse] I live with my dad and we share our incomes, and yes, we do have enough to live comfortably.

What is one thing you like about your appearance? Don’t say nothing! I like that working at the animal shelter has made me more toned. It's made the necessary weight gain more tolerable. My skin is looking better, too. I bought a new lotion the last time we went grocery shopping, and it's made a rapid difference. It's Jergens oil infused nourishing honey, and it's just like…where has this been all my life?! I've tried a number of different lotions over the past year or so, but I think this is finally it. The One.

What would you like to tell your father? I already feel like I can tell him anything.

What would you like to tell your mother? I wish I could tell her this on a soul level rather than directly because I don't know how she would react or if she would understand. But basically, I'm sorry if it begins to seem like I'm avoiding you or closing myself off again. I just feel like I'm caught in the middle of an impossible situation, and I don't know how to handle it without feeling like I'm betraying myself or my dad. I never wanted to walk this tight rope, but it is what it is, and I'm doing the best I can to stay true to myself and my own very complicated emotions. I know you're stuck in the middle as well, a sort of mirror or reverse image of my own circumstances, but my loyalties lie where they do and all of us are going to have to forge our own path through this, I guess.

Whose was the last wedding you went to? Steph and Shelly's back in 2014.

What is your greatest fear? Losing my dad.

What is a chronic health issue you deal with, even if it’s minor? Migraines. Also, a level of fatigue that feels abnormal. Maybe I've done more damage to my body than I realized and it's finally taking its toll. Maybe I'm not doing as well or eating as much as I think I am. Or maybe everyone is this exhausted and they're just better at hiding it, but somehow, I doubt that. Physically, I'm capable of more than I thought I was, but I'm still so damn tired.

What was your college major? If applicable. My first failed attempt at community college was with an English major. My second (also failed) attempt was Visual Communications.

What new place have you been to recently? I haven't been anywhere new recently.

What are you a geek about? Paranormal phenomena, the lore behind conspiracies and cryptids, outer space, ancient history/megalithic structures.

What is something you have no patience for? When certain people at the animal shelter get uptight about blanket colors. Like, "Omg, Benjamin is a BOY. Why does he have a PINK blanket?!" Ma'am, Benjamin is a KITTEN. All he cares about is being cozy, safe, and fed. He doesn't care about your weird human gender hangups.

What celebrity would you want to go out for a meal/drinks with? I don't really care about celebrities, but I would love to meet the creators behind some of my favorite podcasts (Belief Hole, Brothers Of The Serpent, Where Did The Road Go? Radio, etc)

Are you happy with your weight? I'm not happy with it, but I can accept it for what it is. I can either weigh less and lose the animal shelter, or weigh what I do and do what I love.

When did you last hold a baby, if ever? Whose? I have no idea.

How many cats do you have? We have three kitties - Esther, Karenna, and Lacy.

How many dogs do you have? Zero.

How many other pets do you have? I don't have any other pets, but we've had a number of cats over the course of my life, as well as fish when I was younger.

How old were you when you got your driver’s license? 20.

What year did you graduate high school? I didn't graduate, but I got my GED in 2006.

What is the first number of your zip code? Eight.

How many of your grandparents are still alive? Zero.

What is your favorite number? I have a strange relationship with the number 19, but as for a favorite number, I don't really have one.

How many kids do you want? I don't want children.

How many apartments have you lived in? One.

What age do people say you look? I told Kristen my age when she first started working at the shelter and she was like, "No way, I thought you were like 25!" Flattering, but I don't think I look 10 years younger than I actually am. :')

Do you feel like your family accepts you for who you are? I feel completely accepted by my dad. My mom accepts the version I present to her, which isn't entirely dishonest, but it is only a small part of who I am. I don't have any contact with my sibling, so I don't really know which aspects they would accept and which ones they wouldn't.

Who is the best doctor you’ve ever had? I'm not sure, but my last doctor connected me with my current therapist (who is the best therapist I've ever had), so I'm eternally grateful for that.

Have you ever been flipped off by a random stranger? Not that I can recall.

Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? I don't use Facebook.

Do you consider yourself spiritual? Yeah. I guess so. Not so much in a woo-woo way (although there is an element of that), but more because my beliefs are a mishmash of multiple religions/practices and not one singular thing.

Do you consider yourself religious? I believe in God and do incorporate certain religious aspects into my life, but like I said above, I'm kind of a melting pot of beliefs.

Are you afraid of spiders? I have apparently become the resident spider rescuer at the animal shelter. Last Thursday was hilarious. Paris sent out a radio asking for anyone who wasn't afraid of spiders, and I was like, "That would be me!" So, I went and saved her from a wolf spider in ISO. A little later, she radioed again, asking for me specifically. Another (smaller) spider in ISO. That guy was fast, so it was a bit of a challenge, but I got it done. Then a third time - a teeny tiny spider on a pillow in the office. Quickly whisked outside. And a fourth time. A BIG'UN in Duke's kennel. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to go into the kennel with him even while he was leashed up and restrained, so Iris (manager) went in there and brutally smashed the shit out of it.

Are you afraid of snakes? I would be cautious if they were venomous, perhaps even afraid depending on the circumstances, but for the most part snakes don't bother me at all. I'm much more comfortable with them than I am with spiders, although my fear of spiders has greatly diminished. I've rescued so many from the shelter that it's just become like ho-hum.

Does everyone in your family know your sexual orientation? I'm not even sure how I would classify my sexual orientation. I go with "pansexual" because it's the simplest way to get my point across, but it's more complicated than that.

What is one thing you find offensive? I'm hard to offend when it comes to political and social views. I just don't care what some rando thinks about this or that. I'm more likely to be offended or hurt by something personal.

Do you often post about politics on social media? No. I almost never do anymore.

Would you ever want to go back to school? I would consider going back to school to become a vet tech, but it's not something I'm planning on doing any time soon.

What are three things you are naturally good at? I'm not sure.

What are three things you are NOT naturally good at? Making small talk, math, and makeup.

Is your dream to get married and have kids? I would like to get married one day, but I have no interest in having children.

Where do you hang your towel to dry after showering? On a hook on the wall.

If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair? Idk.

Last person you hugged? Nancy. A volunteer at the shelter who does a shit ton of our dirty laundry.

How is the weather right now? 67*F, sunny, and calm.

Are you missing someone? Yeah.

What do you have handy at your bedside? Nothing really.

What is your dad's middle name? N/a.

What is your mom's middle name? N/a.

First thing you'll save in a fire? My kitties.

[monsterfucker-lisa-swallows]

so on thursday it was decided that i am in fact getting married so i can be an american autistic lesbian in a gay marriage with an english autistic lesbian (thus allowing me to move over there and actually start my life). lots of ideas have been thrown out for the ceremony itself because i will allow no churches (we might get married on a community theatre stage because that is the church i have worshiped in and hell why don't we just do this in new orleans so i have an excuse to go there) but that's not the point of this story that is a separate tangent

my friends decided to celebrate with me by taking me to the tennesee ren faire. we had to wake up early because we don't live in tennessee and would have to drive several hours. we'd bought our tickets a week in advance. we waited several hours in line only to be waved through and told there was no parking and even people who got to the front of the line were posting they weren't getting in because it was "4000 people over capacity"

so i was pissed off and disappointed and overstimulated. autism brain was not having a good time with any of the proposed solutions. it was extreme task switching. not a good.

i was feeling like i was gonna scream at some point or act bitchy or be interpreted as sulking or get frustrated which makes me cry. i knew a meltdown was coming and i did not want my friends to be stuck in an hours long car ride with me during a meltdown. i've purposely never let them see me when i get that bad.

so i took a small portion of an edible. not even half of it. a very small portion. it was a new brand that i haven't tried before and i was anticipating just a low dose of cbd to bring back my equilibrium. within a short time i was sitting in that car, increasingly becoming less and less aware of my surroundings and could not tell if i'd been there for minutes or hours on what became an impromptu trip to nashville. when we got out of the car to go into a restaurant, the name of which i cannot recall, i had to convince my body to work. i could not focus on reading the menu so i just ordered the same hot chicken sandwich my roommate did. i was given a drink cup. i did not fill it. i knew if i got up i would fall down. i ate to try to soak up some of the chemicals. ate an entire hot chicken sandwich and fries without a drink. barely was able to throw it the container away later.

we got in the car. an infinity later i forced myself out of the car and followed my roommate down a nashville street. i didn't know where we were or where we were going. but i followed. it was becoming hard to step across the street. we got to the steps of old smokey and i said i needed to sit. and i was down. not unconscious, just down. one of my roommates got the car while the other sat with me. we went to park somewhere. i threw up (my roommate luckily had barf bags she collects during hospital visits). i've never thrown up while high before but it was better than being drunk because it was only the once and i didn't remain nauseous. i had entered full autistic shutdown in the middle of nashville while trying to avoid an autistic meltdown.

i've had shutdowns before. never in public like that. meltdowns are almost preferable because i can still talk and can storm off as needed. when i shut down i'm just gone. my mind is rebooting to install updates. it normally happens with migraine, but when it doesn't it is a clear sign that i've made myself too stressed out. i was trying too hard to be flexible, so i broke.

i learned today that what happened was because i accidentally took delta 9 instead of the usual cbd i take. i've rarely taken delta 9 and never in so high a dose. i still don't fully blame the delta 9 because i think i was trying too hard to deny myself as a disabled woman and my body said fuck you and made me react anyway.

but the incredible thing is that no one was mad at me through that. if i didn't smile big enough on a trip as a kid, i would be yelled at for ruining it for everyone. but my roommates are autistic and one is also severely chronically ill. they've been there. so they just took care of me and are totally normal about it today. one of my roommates kept checking on me on the drive home, just insisting on any small sign of life. and i was happy to give it since i never lost consciousness. this signaled to my roommates that i was fine. if i'd needed a hospital i'd either say so or pass out. as chronically ill themselves, they knew better than to take me to a hospital when it is something i could just recover from.

i also learned today that everyone i was with had wanted to go home after the ren faire debacle because our autism brains were too upset about it but we were all holding on for everyone else. "well we're close to nashville, we might as well salvage the night" and no one was saying no because none of us wanted to be the unfun one. it's very clear that we're all autistic and chronically ill because we're used to minimizing our symptoms for fear of "ruining everyone's night" when all of us are fine to just go home. i was just the excuse to go back. one of my roommates had said before i went down she was wondering which one of us would break first. my money would've been on me and her tbh like we waited til the other two were out of the car before admitting to each other that we were pissed off and about to cry and rage quit. the two chronically ill girlies were always going to be the ones who fuck it up.

what's the moral of this story? that having disabled friends rocks because no one gets mad at you when you can't handle things? sure. that you should exercise caution when using delta 9 and never use it in public to avoid a meltdown because that will make the gods pull the plug in each of your mitochondria, draining you of all energy as you're climbing the steps of a distillery? yes, and you should know it literally felt as though that pit in my stomach had turned into a black hole and pulled me into it and now i cannot talk but at least my corset is keeping me upright just try not to puke on the nice skirt your roommate custom made for you using a $3 thrift store curtain. many morals to be found here

so no i did not see the aurora last night.

[partnersincrimesuau]

I really do hope you had a great time on your vacation as you absolutely deserve it. Do you think you could tell us anything interesting that happened to you while you were away?

I know I'm a few weeks late to responding to this ask, but I will gladly respond anyways!!!! Thanks so much for this ask, anon!!!

I realised this is a very long response so I'm gonna put a buffer here, click to read about my trip (in no particular order) and see some of the photos I took in QLD!!!

To start off - yes, I HAD A LOVELY TRIP!!! It was actually the first time I went on a passenger plane by myself, too!! There's something very other-worldly being in a whole different state surrounded by strangers... the plane-trips were amazing tho, there was a thunderstorm in Brisbane that I flew over (you could see the lighting UNDER the clouds!!!) and when the plane landed back in Adelaide (SA is my home state <33) there was another storm!! I wasn't worried tho, I had my headphones and a good book and I was set for all my flights ^^

Here are a couple of highlights from my trip:

Went searching for platypuses with my uncle and brother (didn't find any, sadly... but i found a freshwater eel!!!)

Went to an arcade with my cousin!! I had never been to one before, funny enough XDD (also we played laser tag, my team took the high ground and obliterated everyone (we won by like, 4,000 points))

Apparently there are Taco Bell restaurants in every Australian state except SA??? I saw one in Queensland and was like "WHAAAAT I thought Taco Bell was American!!!" and so we went to it and got crunchwraps for dinner!!

Went out to dinner with 20 family members (my brother stabbed me in the hand with a fork bc i tried to steal one of his chips) and had a lovely meal!!

Went to a beach with my cousin and saw a chart hanging up by the lifeguards showing all the lethal jellyfish that frequently appear there. There were eight. Eight killer species of jellyfish. (I love Australia)

Oh speaking of Australia, yes, we saw giant spiders. There was one on the door of my uncle's house and another back at the house we were staying at. Unfortunately I didn't actually find out what species they were... but DEFINITELY not ones we get in SA!!!

I BOUGHT NINETEEN PAIRS OF EARRINGS IN QUEENSLAND. NINETEEN!!! (also got a rad Moon-Knight t-shirt <333)

Went four-wheeled-driving in a jungle!! My brother and I got to stand on the edges of the car while my uncle drove us XDDD

Taught my cousin how to play Deltarune and how to defeat Sans - just thought I'd mention this here as well because it was a highlight XDDD

Overall, I had SUCH a great time away and I'm so happy I have these great memories!!! I'm so grateful for my lovely family (except for my brother who stabbed me >:T) and I loved to spend time with them!!

But now, of course, I'm back in SA working harder than ever on PIC Chapter 2 ^^ Thanks so much to everyone reading this, for your patience, support and love!!! <33333

(and to finish off, here are some photos from my adventures!! They've all got image descriptions with a little bit of info about each of them ^^)

And lastly, my favourite - WET FLOOR SIGNS THAT LOOK LIKE BANANA PEELS!!!! (taken in Townsville airport)

And yeah, thats about it!!! Thanks again for asking about my trip, anon!!!

[sticks-and-stone]

Palm Bluff Conservation Area

November 25, 2022

I wasn’t planning to go solo on this trip at first, but Jenna had something come up at the last minute and couldn’t go with me. It had been about 2 months since our last trip and I didn’t want to give up the opportunity to go, so I decided at the last minute to go alone. I had reserved a spot at another St. John’s Water Management District Site. This one was called Palm Bluff Conservation Area. It was south of Daytona Beach, so about a 3 hour drive for me.  

I had the day off of work on Friday because of the Thanksgiving holiday, so I had the perfect opportunity to get out to camp before dark for once. I packed most of the car up the night before and loaded up the rest of it on Friday morning.  I left for camp a little bit before noon and stopped for the usual ice, beer, and snacks on the way. I relied too much on luck to find firewood for sale and ended up not getting any. I figured with how much daylight I had left, I could forage for some at camp and then go out and buy some the next day if I needed  to. 

I arrived at the gate at 330pm. The gate was entirely too difficult to find. It was tucked back in a corner of a field right off of the main road. There was another gate at the front of that same field with a very prominent sign on it that read “NO CAMPING” Not a great sign; pun fully intended. Eventually I found the correct gate marked for camping and got it open no problem. For some reason, a feeling of anxiety started brewing while I was opening the gate. I felt completely exposed to the road. Anyone driving by would be able to see me unlocking this gate. But I got it opened and I went in, locking the gate behind me. 

Usually at these water management district sites, the campsite itself is at least a mile or two (sometimes longer) from the gate. This site was right around the bend. All of 50 yards from the gate. Which meant anyone walking by the gate, if they angled themselves correctly, would be able to see me and my site. I knew I would have to set up strategically to keep my privacy and peace of mind. 

The first thing I did once I arrived at the site, was give it a little walk-around. I like to do this in order to find the best spot to set up the tent and to look for any safety vulnerabilities. This site was huge. It had a fire pit and benches in the middle of the huge open field (probably about 50-60 yards in diameter). Much larger than I was used to. I didn’t want to be too close to the fire pit with my tent because it could be seen from the gate, so I decided to set up in the far back corner between a group of pine trees - ripe for tarp hanging. 

I started by hanging my Paracord. Cutting it feels like a defeat, so I focused on keeping it at its full 150' length. I wrapped it between 4 trees that were not equally distant from each other. So hanging my tarps was going to be a challenge. I utilized my binder clips and folded tarp corners down to make them fit and after a couple of readjustments I made it work okay.

Once I got the tarps up, I put up my new hiking tent. It was easy to set up which was the point of it, ultimately. I was getting tired of the complicated set up of most hiking tents. so since my last one broke at the last camping site, I bought this one. It’s a simple X pole set up with doors on both sides. I got it set up in no time and then filled it with my sleeping gear. I didn't open my sleeping bag or inflate my sleeping pad just yet. I just threw everything into the tent thinking I would set everything up when it was time to sleep. 

Next, I set up my chair and the pop-up potty. I learned a much better way to set up the potty than I had been doing and it was significantly easier this time. It was around now that I started noticing the road noise. There was a thin layer of brush between this campsite and the highway, so the road noise, once I started noticing it, became deafening and the only sound my brain would process. I needed to distract myself. 

At this point, the sun was starting to go down so I took the opportunity to scavenge for some firewood while I still had some light. I found some big pieces and some sticks. There was plenty of dry pine straw around for kindling. I made my way over to the fire pit and to my shock and surprise I found a small skull in it. It was either a small dog, a raccoon, or a big cat. whatever it was, it freaked me out and I decided not to touch it. I just moved it to the back of the pit with a stick and planned to just build the fire at the front of the pit.  

The bugs were pretty bad here; worse than I expected for this time of year. I had my repellants, but nothing was really working on the gnats; especially once I turned on my headlamp. I knew a fire would be the best thing to help keep them away, but I was worried about how far away my setup was from the fire. Eventually I would have to leave the fire to go to bed. The bugs were going to be much worse over there, I could already tell.

I struggled pretty badly trying to light the fire. It’s a bit embarrassing. The pit was damp and the wood was damp; the kindling was dry, but that wasn’t enough. It was impossible to get anything to catch. I was getting frustrated; not only with the fire, but the bugs, the skull, the site placement. All of it was starting to upset me. I spent two solid hours fighting with the fire before giving up and deciding to just deal with the dark over by my tent. Maybe having a beer would help calm me down. 

I posted up in my chair under my tarp canopy in the dark. Turning off my headlamp helped with the gnat problem a little bit, but it did not help with my increasing worries. Suddenly,  irrational anxieties filled my veins. I tried to sip my beer and forget but I could not shake the feeling of fear. I felt so exposed; so vulnerable out here by myself. 

This was not the first time that I camped alone, so why did this trip feel so different? Instead of trying to rationalize with my anxiety, I tried to come up with ways to work with it. I decided I would sleep inside my car for the first night. I thought that maybe if I was locked in the car I would feel safer. I started by removing my sleeping bag and pad from the new tent and tossing it in my car. It was helpful that I hadn’t opened any of it up yet. Then I moved the items still in the car (such as the cooler, kayaking gear, guitar etc.) off to one side so that I could lay out my sleep system on the other side. I got it finished and then realized I would have to push my driver’s seat all the way up to make everything fit. Which meant I wouldn’t be able to quickly drive away if I needed to. (Admittedly, this is a strange place for my head to go and looking back on it, it's completely silly.)

So in the split instant, I just decided to leave all together. There was no point in staying at this secluded campsite any longer if I was going to be paralyzed by fear the entire time. So I started moving everything into my car. I didn’t fold up the tent; I just balled it up and shoved it in. I did the same thing with the pop up potty and the tarp canopy. I even cut some of the Paracord I worked so hard to keep intact. 

The whole time I was rush-packing I could feel gnats buzzing around my face and ears. Hands busy with gear, I couldn’t swat them away. And taking the time to do so just meant delaying the packing process. I felt like I was losing access to all of my senses. I couldn’t hear over the road noise and buzzing gnats. I couldn’t see in the dark. I couldn’t smell anything other than the remnants of an attempted fire. I was sweaty and shaking and tried (but failed) to get my bearings while I hurried to pack my gear. 

Within a few minutes I had everything in the car and was sitting in the driver seat trying to get my heartrate back down to normal. When Jenna and I evacuated Huguenot so many trips ago, we packed up in a similarly rushed manner. My thoughts went there and to that evacuation as I sat silently in my car. When we got into the car after shoving everything from the site into it at that beach, we were relieved and even started laughing and took a selfie. This time though it was dark, I was alone, and leaving felt like a life or death decision. I have a much less cluttered car than Jenna did at Huguenot, so packing up in a hurry was a bit easier and faster, but the dread that was building in me was increasing with every breath. This was so much worse than Huguenot. 

My anxiety worsened as I was sitting in the car. The desire to leave quickly became urgent as I fell into a full-blown panic attack. My heart raced, my vision blurred and tunneled, and my breathing shallow and then I was wheezing to catch it. I couldn’t see anything and I couldn’t hear anything over the sound of my heart beating in my ears and the road noise nearby (I couldn’t shake the road noise). The lack of access to my senses made me incredibly vulnerable and scared. I turned the car on, quieted the radio, and took off my headlamp. It was time to go. 

I circled the site once in my car before leaving to make sure I didn’t leave anything behind. As soon as the site was behind me and I was approaching the gate, The panic intensified and the feeling of being chased overtook me. (Nothing was chasing me to my knowledge). As I got to the gate, I dreaded having to get out of my car again to unlock it. But I did it and I got it on the first try. I drove my car through it and instead of stopping to lock it behind me, I just kept driving away. (I am ashamed of this part). 

I reached the road within seconds - the proximity which triggered this entire episode - and as I turned off onto the street I could feel the blood leaving my face and returning to its rightful places throughout my body. My hands kept shaking a little, but my vision focused again and without the bugs and total darkness, my other senses returned to me as well. 

I didn’t get half a mile away before the panic subsided to a low anxious roar. I was okay enough to stop at a gas station for some comfort snacks and then I was home and relaxed by 9pm. I texted Jenna while I was approaching my house to let her know that I had bailed and that I was home safely. I don’t know why, but I felt the need to let someone know that I was okay as a way of telling myself that I was okay. 

I didn’t unpack anything from the car except for the fanny pack that I was wearing. Dealing with all that balled up, messy gear would have just made my night even worse. My priority was dealing with my balled up messy brain. The next day was Saturday and I had nowhere else to be, so I planned to just deal with the gear then. I took a hot bath and then put myself to bed. 

The next day I got up and wasted no time dealing with the mess that I had made myself. Waking up in my own bed after a full night’s sleep was the comfort I so desperately needed. I got right to work on emptying out my car and folding tents, tarps, and other mistreated gear. I ran into my roommate and had to admit that the “vibes were off” with this camping trip and that as a rule, if we don’t feel completely comfortable where we’re camping, we leave. No questions asked and no judgment. He understood and the evacuation felt validated.

Jenna and I have always had that rule, but never had to use it. We always say that if even one of us gets a bad feeling about a camping spot, we just leave. That’s the beauty of car camping after all, right? The complete freedom to come and go. I’ll never know if it was the site placement, my own head having too much free space, or the fact that I was alone that really set me off. The site had a lot of cons to it including its proximity to the road, but overall it wasn’t entirely bad. (I’ll never go back though). Maybe it was the eerie skull I found. Maybe it was the last minute change of plans of Jenna’s. Maybe it was all of it combined for the perfect storm. Whatever it was, I likely won’t be solo camping outside of campgrounds and state parks for a while, if ever. 

Stay Dirty, 

Stone. 

[norwayblogging]

Week: 04/08-13/08 4th august:

The longest and most exhausting day of my life. Got up early to check if everything was packed. When I thought I packed everything (I forgot a few small things.. No big deal!), we had to leave to the airport. It was the first time that I flew a plane alone and I was really nervous too. After a lot of tears and goodbyes, I left my family and boyfriend behind at the airport to go and get my plane. I bought myself a smoothie and anxiously waited for my plane to start boarding. After some time I boarded the first plane and I was really surprised. Apparently I got a business seat! They brought me a fancy snack and some water and bubbles. I felt more relaxed already, but not for long… I got off at Billund and looked at the time for my second plane to leave and saw something highly stressfull. My plane was delayed… Luckily I only had to wait one hour before my plane took off. I hoped I was in time for the boat. I got off the plane in Bergen and ran to get my suitcases, which I could succesfully collect! I ran further with my suitcases to grab a taxi which would take me to the last Ferry. I was very good on time, I had 15 minutes left before the boat arrived. A really nice older gentleman asked me if he could help with my suitcase, which I didn’t say no to ofcourse. He had to get off at the stop I also had to get off at. So he helped me to get on and off the boat with my suitcases. Ones on land again a girl was waiting for me to pick me up and bring me to my dorm. We drove with her car for 10 minutes before we finally arrived at my final destination. She helped me with my suitcases and my key. Since it was already 11pm, I only met my flatmates shortly before hiding back in my room. I was so tired that I fell right asleep.

5th august:

I stayed in my room until noon, unloading my suitcases, still wary of the new people that I haven’t properly met. Eventually I dared to go and sit in the kitchen, where no one was anymore. I didn’t mind the silence, the whole trip was exhausting and a lot to take in. Eventually 2 girls came into the kitchen asking me if I still had to go shopping. I did! And this was a good opportunity to get to know people better. There are 2 people in the flat who have their car here, so we drove to the store by car. I bought enough for the next couple of days before heading back again with the others. Ones back at the dorms, we decided to go swimming in the closeby Fjords. It wasn’t too cold or hot and the weather was perfect! Anxiously I jumped in the Fjords twice, only to slightly panic and get out again as fast as I could. But I enjoyed it a lot! Afterwards we left to the dorms, ate and went back to the water to chill next to it.

6th august:

It was a nice and chill sunday morning and we had planned to go biking/hiking. I felt like biking would be a little too much for me so I hiked with 4 other girls towards a point where the hikers and bikers met each other again. We hiked inbetween fields, saw some sheep and crossed a slippery rocky river (which was a huge challenge for me since I constantly thought I was gonna slip XD). We rested for a bit before picking and eating some raspberries. Closeby was a small cabin with a few books inside. People wrote their names and small poems in there for others to read. After some more time spend near the cabin, we hiked back towards our dorms. I was pretty glad we took some different paths to go back so we could see different parts of nature.

7th august:

The first day of actual classes. My first class was a small introduction to the project, our teacher is a very nice woman! Around lunch the school provided us with bread, ham, cheese and Norwegian products. For the first time ever, I ate brown cheese. It is some sort of caramelised cheese and it tasted weirdly good. After lunch we had another lesson with a male teacher. Sometimes it’s hard figuring out how he wants his questions answered, but we manage. At the end of the day, our teacher gave us a hammock that we can use whenever we want.

8th august:

Our lessons are pretty chill since we get a lot of breaks in between lessons. We got an info session about where we can go if we have a lot of questions and after that we got free lunch again! In the evening we got a lesson about the rights of public access, but the teacher had an appointment around 3 pm so our lesson was only 45 minutes! I went to the gym today! We have a gym only 2 minutes away from our dorms and we got a free subscription since we’re exchange students! Naturally I made the decision to go to the gym very often so I can come back looking pretty fit!

9th august:

My 3rd day with interesting lessons. We got some pedagogy and some theory about how it’s important to know the steps to saving someones life. After lunch we did some orienteering in the area around the school, which was fun to do. We had a stamp card and at every stop, we had to stamp our card as proof that we’ve been there. In the evening we went to the store by bus to pick up some groceries.

10th august:

The first day of our two-day trip, starts today! I’ve packed my bag with essentials like a sleeping bag, new warm clothes, a knife and fire starter… And off we went! We drove to Lundastøl and put up our Lavvu’s (some kind of norwegian teepee) before we got divided in 2 groups. In the first 1,5 hour my group build a mini stonebridge, we carved hooks and we baked small buns. The next hour existed out of making knots and learning how to work with ropes. After that, we had some spare time were people went to fish, pick berries and carving knifes. I had some fun with a stick that I was carving. For dinner, we had food groups and each food group prepared their own food on the small stoves. My group made wraps with rice, white beans in tomatosauce, bacon and corn. I found it surprisingly tasty! (although I would never make it for myself) :D Late in the evening we did some night orienteering where we had to follow a map and answer quiz questions along the way.

11th august:

Time for our mountain trip today! I’m so excited for this trip but at the same time it’s also nervewrecking too. I slept pretty well in the Lavvu with 4 other girls. We slept so near each other that we gave each other warmth, which was really nice since it got quite cold at night. When we left, the group stayed together pretty well, but after some time you could see that there were many people who hiked pretty fast! Me and a few others couldn’t keep up that well… But that was okay since there was a teacher with us who said that we should just hike at our own speed. The group took frequent breaks and everyone looked out for everyone, which was really nice.

The mountains were sometimes tough to climb but ones you reached certain stops, the view was breathtaking (quite literally with my asthma ;) ) We ate our lunch on top of the Stovegolvet (a mountain in Stord) and went down again after that. Ones back, we packed our Lavvu’s and went back to our dorms to rest from the exhausting trip.

12th august:

I went to the store today on my own since I needed to get some stuff to get my laundry to smell better. The bus takes me to the mall in 10 minutes which is very nice and not so far. When I got back to the dorm I worked a bit on my computer. After dinner, I went with some people to the water. The sunset was so amazingly pretty and the weather was so nice that we stayed there until around 11pm.

13th august:

Chill sunday vibes are in the house! I decided to stay in today since I still need to do a lot of stuff inside. I cleaned my room and washed my bedding. I called my mom and grandma today which was very lovely and I read a bit in my new book that I bought a few days ago since I didn’t bring any with me to Norway.

Week: 04/08-13/08 4 augustus:

De langste en meest vermoeiende dag van mijn leven. Vroeg opgestaan om te controleren of alles ingepakt was. Toen ik dacht dat ik alles ingepakt had (ik was een paar kleine dingen vergeten… niet erg!), moesten we vertrekken naar het vliegveld. Het was de eerste keer dat ik alleen met het vliegtuig vloog en ik was ook echt zenuwachtig. Na veel tranen en afscheid liet ik mijn familie en vriend achter op het vliegveld om mijn vliegtuig te halen. Ik kocht een smoothie voor mezelf en wachtte vol spanning tot mijn vliegtuig zou boarden. Na een tijdje ging ik aan boord van het eerste vliegtuig en ik was echt verrast. Blijkbaar kreeg ik een business seat! Ze brachten me een luxe snack en wat water en bubbels. Ik voelde me al meer ontspannen, maar niet voor lang… Ik stapte uit in Billund en keek naar de vertrektijd van mijn tweede vliegtuig en zag iets heel spannends. Mijn vliegtuig had vertraging… Gelukkig hoefde ik maar een uur te wachten voordat mijn vliegtuig vertrok. Ik hoopte dat ik op tijd was voor de boot. Ik stapte uit het vliegtuig in Bergen en rende naar mijn koffers, die ik met succes kon ophalen! Ik rende verder met mijn koffers om een taxi te pakken die me naar de laatste veerboot zou brengen. Ik was erg goed op tijd, ik had nog 15 minuten voordat de boot aankwam. Een hele aardige oudere meneer vroeg of hij me kon helpen met mijn koffer, waar ik natuurlijk geen nee tegen zei. Hij moest uitstappen bij de halte waar ik ook moest uitstappen. Hij hielp me dus op en af de boot met mijn koffers. Eenmaal aan land stond er een meisje op me te wachten om me op te halen en naar mijn studentenhuis te brengen. We reden 10 minuten met haar auto voordat we eindelijk op mijn eindbestemming aankwamen. Ze hielp me met mijn koffers en mijn sleutel. Omdat het al 23.00 uur was, ontmoette ik mijn huisgenoten pas kort voordat ik me weer in mijn kamer verstopte. Ik was zo moe dat ik meteen in slaap viel.

5 augustus:

Ik bleef tot de middag op mijn kamer om mijn koffers uit te laden, nog steeds op mijn hoede voor de nieuwe mensen die ik nog niet goed had leren kennen. Uiteindelijk durfde ik in de keuken te gaan zitten, waar niemand meer was. Ik vond de stilte niet erg, de hele reis was vermoeiend en veel om in me op te nemen. Uiteindelijk kwamen er 2 meiden de keuken in om te vragen of ik nog boodschappen moest doen. Dat moest ik! En dit was een goede gelegenheid om mensen beter te leren kennen. Er zijn 2 mensen in de flat die hier hun auto hebben, dus we zijn met de auto naar de winkel gereden. Ik kocht genoeg voor de komende paar dagen voordat ik weer terugging met de anderen. Eenmaal terug bij de slaapzalen besloten we te gaan zwemmen in de nabijgelegen Fjorden. Het was niet te koud of te warm en het weer was perfect! Angstig sprong ik twee keer in de Fjorden, om er vervolgens zo snel mogelijk weer uit te komen. Maar ik heb er erg van genoten! Daarna vertrokken we naar de slaapzalen, aten wat en gingen terug naar het water om ernaast te chillen.

6 augustus:

Het was een lekkere chille zondagochtend en we hadden gepland om te gaan fietsen/wandelen. Ik had het gevoel dat fietsen iets te veel voor me zou zijn, dus wandelde ik met 4 andere meiden naar een punt waar de wandelaars en fietsers elkaar weer ontmoetten. We wandelden tussen velden door, zagen wat schapen en staken een glibberige rotsrivier over (wat voor mij een enorme uitdaging was omdat ik constant dacht dat ik zou uitglijden XD). We rustten even uit voordat we frambozen plukten en opaten. Vlakbij stond een kleine hut met een paar boeken erin. Mensen schreven er hun namen en kleine gedichten in die anderen konden lezen. Na nog wat tijd doorgebracht te hebben bij de hut, wandelden we terug richting onze slaapzalen. Ik was blij dat we verschillende paden hadden genomen zodat we verschillende delen van de natuur konden zien.

7 augustus:

De eerste dag van de echte lessen. Mijn eerste les was een kleine introductie tot het project, onze lerares is een erg aardige vrouw! Rond de lunch voorzag de school ons van brood, ham, kaas en Noorse producten. Voor de allereerste keer at ik bruine kaas. Het is een soort gekarameliseerde kaas en het smaakte vreemd goed. Na de lunch hadden we nog een les met een mannelijke leraar. Soms is het moeilijk om erachter te komen hoe hij zijn vragen beantwoord wil hebben, maar het lukt ons wel. Aan het eind van de dag kregen we van onze leraar een hangmat die we kunnen gebruiken wanneer we maar willen.

8 augustus:

Onze lessen zijn vrij chill omdat we veel pauzes tussen de lessen krijgen. We kregen een infosessie over waar we heen kunnen gaan als we veel vragen hebben en daarna kregen we weer gratis lunch! s Avonds kregen we een les over de rechten van openbaarheid, maar de lerares had een afspraak rond 15.00 uur dus onze les duurde maar 45 minuten! Ik ben vandaag naar de sportschool geweest! We hebben een sportschool op maar 2 minuten afstand van onze slaapzalen en we kregen een gratis abonnement omdat we uitwisselingsstudenten zijn! Natuurlijk heb ik besloten om heel vaak te gaan sporten zodat ik er fit uit kan zien als ik terugkom!

9 augustus:

Mijn 3e dag met interessante lessen. We kregen wat pedagogie en theorie over hoe belangrijk het is om de stappen te kennen om iemands leven te redden. Na de lunch hebben we een oriëntatieloop gedaan in de omgeving van de school, wat erg leuk was om te doen. We hadden een stempelkaart en bij elke stop moesten we onze kaart stempelen als bewijs dat we daar waren geweest. s Avonds gingen we met de bus naar de winkel om wat boodschappen op te halen.

10 augustus:

De eerste dag van onze tweedaagse reis begint vandaag! Ik heb mijn tas ingepakt met essentiële spullen zoals een slaapzak, nieuwe warme kleren, een mes en een vuurstarter… En daar gingen we! We reden naar Lundastøl en zetten onze Lavvu's (een soort Noorse tipi) op voordat we in 2 groepen werden verdeeld. In het eerste 1,5 uur bouwde mijn groep een mini stenen brug, hakten we haken en bakten we kleine broodjes. Het volgende uur bestond uit knopen leggen en leren werken met touwen. Daarna hadden we wat vrije tijd waar mensen gingen vissen, bessen plukken en messen snijden. Ik had wat plezier met een stok die ik aan het snijden was. Voor het avondeten hadden we voedselgroepen en elke voedselgroep bereidde zijn eigen eten op de kleine fornuisjes. Mijn groep maakte wraps met rijst, witte bonen in tomatensaus, spek en maïs. Ik vond het verrassend lekker! (hoewel ik het nooit voor mezelf zou maken) :D Laat in de avond deden we nachtelijke oriëntatieloop waarbij we een kaart moesten volgen en onderweg quizvragen moesten beantwoorden.

11 augustus:

Tijd voor onze bergtocht vandaag! Ik heb zo'n zin in deze tocht, maar tegelijkertijd is het ook zenuwslopend. Ik heb redelijk goed geslapen in de Lavvu met 4 andere meiden. We sliepen zo dicht bij elkaar dat we elkaar warmte gaven, wat erg fijn was omdat het 's nachts best koud werd. Toen we vertrokken, bleef de groep redelijk goed bij elkaar, maar na een tijdje zag je dat er veel mensen waren die behoorlijk snel wandelden! Ik en een paar anderen konden het niet zo goed bijhouden… Maar dat was niet erg, want er was een leraar bij ons die zei dat we gewoon op ons eigen tempo moesten wandelen. De groep nam regelmatig pauzes en iedereen lette op iedereen, wat heel fijn was.

De bergen waren soms zwaar om te beklimmen, maar zodra je bepaalde stopplaatsen bereikte, was het uitzicht adembenemend (heel letterlijk met mijn astma ;) ) We aten onze lunch op de top van de Stovegolvet (een berg in Stord) en gingen daarna weer naar beneden. Eenmaal terug pakten we onze Lavvu's in en gingen we terug naar onze slaapzalen om uit te rusten van de vermoeiende reis.

12 augustus:

Ik ben vandaag in mijn eentje naar de winkel gegaan omdat ik wat spullen nodig had om mijn was beter te laten ruiken. De bus brengt me in 10 minuten naar het winkelcentrum, wat erg leuk is en niet zo ver. Toen ik terugkwam in het studentenhuis heb ik wat aan mijn computer gewerkt. Na het eten ging ik met een paar mensen naar het water. De zonsondergang was zo mooi en het weer was zo mooi dat we daar tot ongeveer 23.00 uur zijn gebleven.

13 augustus:

Chill sunday vibes zijn in huis! Ik besloot vandaag binnen te blijven omdat ik binnen nog veel moet doen. Ik heb mijn kamer schoongemaakt en mijn beddengoed gewassen. Ik heb vandaag mijn moeder en oma gebeld, wat heel fijn was, en ik heb wat gelezen in mijn nieuwe boek dat ik een paar dagen geleden heb gekocht omdat ik er geen had meegenomen naar Noorwegen.

[ayearofgoodfate]

i’m staying awake making sure my roommate doesn’t start showing od symptoms. we tend to take things too far. i have my hell day later and it’s all i can do not to fall asleep but i miss my parents house even though they didn’t always know how to be parents and i miss my little brother and sister and my dog and my bookshelf and the wall i would tape up magazine articles and photos to whenever i got sad. and i think that college fucks you up a little bit. there is so much love here. there’s also so much trauma.

when i was about nine my dad decided that he and i were going to read every single book in the middle grade section of the library. my dad had a lot of passion and not a lot of ways to harness it so every saturday he would drive me to the library and he had this old grey car that he could never tame enough to follow the speed limit. and we’d just spend hours there. my dad never talked to me a lot, we never had conversations that weren’t in a group setting. he never told me things or asked me questions but i was a talker so he learned what would work to work around that. he read to me. he’d always read to me. we’d knock out a book or two in the library, literally just sitting there for four hours straight on the old blue carpet while he’d make up voices for the characters, then we’d take about twelve more books home for the week. I’d read most of them on my own, but we’d go through one or two together throughout the week before bed. when we left the library he’d always buy girl scout cookies in quarters from whoever was outside the library selling. we’d eat the whole box. dad never made it feel like we had less than. he never ever told me that we were as poor as we were. he has done a lot of things but i will love him for that forever. i will always defend my dad.

we stopped reading together after a while. he got tired or i got old and he’d joined the church and my siblings weren’t babies and suddenly there were littler kids that needed reading time too. we didn’t finish the entire middle grade section of the library. i don’t think we even made it halfway. i don’t think dad has gone to the library since. the last book we read, we didn’t finish, and i was a bitch about it. it was this big collection of science fiction short stories and the girls in my class had been telling me that stuff was for boys and i simply wasn’t having it. dad wouldn’t have that. every book is every book, so we trudged.

i got really sick that fall. i slept for days straight. my parents couldn’t afford doctors and probably wouldn’t have taken me anyway but dad was really good at taking care of sick people. he’d sit there and watch me breathe and make me mac and cheese and read to me and i’d be half asleep. this one story was about solipsism. i was delirious, drifting in and out of his voice, letting the idea of me being the only real person in the world marinate in my mind. i woke up three days later like i’d never been sick. i needed to read that story again because i needed to know it existed because, mainly, i needed to know that dad did and mom did and baby sister and brother and my friends and the book was gone.

i looked for it for years in different libraries. big. silver. i resigned myself to the fact that it was a fever dream and then like magic it popped up on the library shelves again. i took it out and renewed it for months on end and drew in it with the invisible ink pen I stole from office depot’s back to school sale. i marked it with my name and annotated it with notes on how dad read it when i was little and it was mine until it was overdue. years later i bought a used copy i found at a yard sale. annotated. i play around in my mind with the idea of trading the books out, as if i still live in a place where i could. the point is, it’s real. we’re real. dad was real, our library trips that had been half forgotten were real, and isn’t it nice to feel real and to know everything else is too?

I miss dad. my roommate’s breathing heavy and in a few hours she will wake up sick. between my classes i’ll raid my drawers and wallet for enough coins to run to cvs and buy her some mac and cheese because that’s what we both crave when we’re not doing too good. i will never tell her i paid for it in coins and i’ll never tell her i stayed up to make sure she’d be okay. we’re a lot alike and so i’m not even mad at her for what she did tonight. she just wanted to know she was real. she is my best friend and she has a lot of passion. i take to people like that, latch onto them like a leech because i was taught to feel deeply and anyone who doesn’t i seem to repel. i will go to class and not fall asleep, and i’ll wear cute clothes and there will be circles under my eyes and no part of me will match but that’s how i am and i can’t ever in good faith tell anyone why. i play around with calling dad a lot. I look at his contact but i can’t bring myself to hear the silence. i think that’s why i went to book school in the first place. i think it’s why i’m writing this.

[urfriendlylocalidiot]

Last one for a while, fantasy based - was actual my final project for my creative writing class back in the day.

🛑⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS🛑⚠️: Character Death, I think that’s it?

(To be perfectly honest, I haven’t read any of these since I wrote them)

Stargazers

School is finally out and summer has begun. Casper and Michael are both excited for a summer full of vacations, parties, and road trips. It’s their senior year after all, but unbeknownst to them, they would not survive it.

My name is Casper, named after Casper the Friendly Ghost. The sound of an ice cream truck woke me up, unlike the normal ringing of my alarm clock during the school year. Thank god school is out I thought to myself. I went to the bathroom and brushed my pearly white teeth, brushed my blonde hair back, and finally put contacts on my blue eyes. Then I threw on some swim trunks and an old t-shirt and ate some avocado toast. Then, I headed out to my car to pick up my girlfriend, Mercy Evans, to go to the lake house. It’s our senior year and we’re both committed to UCLA. I pulled up to her house and we loaded her stuff into my car, as mine was already at the lake house from spring break. After which we made the long 3-hour drive to the lake house. My parents owned it, but they were in Europe celebrating their anniversary.

But, as I pulled into the driveway, I saw a beat-up blue Ford truck.

“Why’s Michael here?” Mercy asked me.

“ I don’t know, you stay here while I go sort it out.” I got out of the car and walked up the steps and into the house. I didn’t see him immediately so I yelled.

“MICHAEL, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING IN MY PARENTS LAKEHOUSE!”

Then this man had the audacity to come down the stairs and say,“Dude, calm down. Your parents said I could stay here over the summer since my apartment got a new landlord. I thought your parents sent you a text about it?”

I have never wanted to punch his green eyed, brown haired self more than in that moment. You see Michael and I have quite the history. Michael was my BEST friend when I was younger, it was probably because we balanced each other. I had a power for fire and he had a power for water. When I was younger, I loved watching the stars with my best friend, Michael. We used to be best friends. Used to; past tense. Michael’s full name is Michael Anthony Renee Campbell so he goes by M.A.R.C. sometimes. We spent every summer together at my family’s lake house. The ironic part about the lake house is I can’t swim. Every summer I would try to learn, but I could never really get the hang of it. His parents were dead, so my parents took him in. Every night during those summers we would go to our special spot in the woods to look at stars. But eventually, we grew up. Middle school came and I wanted to be more popular. I threw a 4th of July party at the special spot. People set off fireworks without me knowing and some of the trees ended up catching on fire, falling. I looked down at the scars on my body as I remember it like yesterday. MARC then called the fire department and an ambulance, but our friendship was never the same again. My parents bought him his own apartment and helped him set up a bank account as well as all the legal things. But hey, people change, the friendship was bound to end sooner or later. Also, it’s time we get back to the present day. It’s summer again.

I checked my phone and saw a text from my mom, “MARC will be at the lake house because his rent was getting too expensive. Try not to burn the place down.” Well looks like there’s no getting out of this arrangement. It can’t be that bad, at the very least this lake house has to be big enough for the both of us, I thought to myself.

We spent 3 weeks living together peacefully. Then, inevitably, a fight broke out when he found out I was throwing a party.

“Don’t you remember what happened at the last one? I mean, just look at your scars,” Michael says.

“It’ll be safer this time, everyone’s more mature.”

“How do you actually know that? Connor said he was mature, and ate a slug on the last day of school for a dare!”

“That’s why he’s uninvited.”

“There’s also a cliff now, what if someone gets injured?”

“The water is deep enough and everyone knows how to swim.”

“You don’t!”

“That’s why I won’t be going near the cliff. Listen, my parents own this house and they signed off on this party in April.”

“Fine, but don’t expect me to help you decorate or anything,” MARC says as he storms off into the woods, presumably to the special place.

Later that night after Mercy helped me decorate the house with a lot of red, white, and blue. The party was in full swing and everyone was having a great time. But of course, something just had to go wrong. I had been decently monitoring who got near the cliff, most of them were strong swimmers. But, the moment I turned around, Connor dove over the edge of the cliff. I don’t even know how he got in because I made sure to uninvite him by telling him it was moved to next week. I guess his friends must’ve told him. Connor couldn’t swim and no one was close enough to save him. He hit the water face first as well, pretty much instantly knocking himself out. By the time he was dragged out, he wasn’t breathing and his pulse was gone. Some of the nursing students tried CPR on him, but to no avail. Authorities were called and let’s just say he went home in a body bag.

It was in the newspaper the next day, “High school graduate dies after falling off cliff.” As for me, I was an adult and was facing a reckless endangerment charge, however, they found an insane amount of alcohol and drugs in his system that I had no idea of. I also had an excellent lawyer. My parents had made sure to find the best to cover up my secret powers as a child. Thankfully, the jury ended up blaming Connor for his own death, saying “it was practically a suicide.” My parents were obviously furious, but at least it wasn’t the forest catching on fire. They said that they didn’t want any more trouble out of me for the rest of my life. I did feel really bad about Connor; I had known him since kindergarten. I cried for like a week straight and even burned my pillow. It was my fault in a lot of ways that Connor would never be able to go to college. I don’t even know how he got his hands on hard drugs. On the fifth night, I thought about getting my first pet goldfish, Goldie. I think about that a lot when I experience something that makes me feel an emotion strongly.

I got Goldie when I was around 3 years old, it was a pretty normal experience. My parents just bought him from Pet Smart and brought him home. However, the part that I remember the most is when I first saw him. I was so excited that I ended up burning him alive, I cried when that happened as well. It was the first time I had ever witnessed my own fire. I didn’t even know what I had done until my parents sat me down and told me that I had fire powers . They said these magic powers were blessings only given to a few every year. I was confused obviously, but they said not to worry about it and I would see special doctors about them soon. When I went to the doctors, they told me that my “ gift” was tied to my emotions. Whenever I felt something strongly, there was a good chance I would burn something but they would teach me how to control it. Every Saturday I would go to those doctors and they would help me control my emotions. That's how I met MARC. Apparently, after one of the meetings he drowned his parents in their car after a very heartbreaking video he was forced to watch. My parents heard about it, and that’s how he became my brother. When high school came around, I was no longer required to go to the doctors. I was told I had enough control now.

After Connor died, tensions were as high as ever at the lake house. MARC never spoke to me when he was there. He was leaving a lot, to where I have no clue. I was worried about him. He was right to be mad at me though. When I woke up one night and wanted to go stargazing, I went to our spot. I saw Michael there and started apologizing.

“Hey man, I know you’re mad at me but I just want to say that I’m sorry for not listening to you about the party.”

“It’s whatever man, what’s done is done.”

“Really? You’re not mad?”

“Oh, I’m still furious at you, don't get me wrong.”

“Is there anything I can do to make this right?”

“No.”

“Oh,” I said as I headed back.

“Where are you going? Didn’t you want to see the stars?” MARC said eerily. All of a sudden I felt a rough splash of water on my head.

“Dude, what! I thought you weren’t mad at me anymore!” I felt my anger boil inside of me. I tried to keep it down, using the breathing technique the doctors taught me. But I just couldn’t, I launched a fireball at Michael that he easily extinguished.

“As if I could ever forgive you lying scum. You showed everyone this spot and for what FAME?!? MIDDLE SCHOOL POPULARITY?!?!? Because of you, this place is charred and burned. This was our place man, I thought we were brothers.”

“You could never be my brother, you killed your own parents! What, are you mad about Connor because now you lost someone else to water?” Ok, maybe that hit a little close to home, but I was mad and wasn’t thinking right. Michael launched a wall of water at me, forcing me to retreat to the lake, which would be his advantage.

“Dude you don’t have to do this,” I begged him.

“You’re only saying that because you don’t want me to kill you,” MARC said as he walked on the water while simultaneously holding a column of it in the air.

He throws it on me, I dry myself off with fire and light a tree on fire to fall right on him. He dodges easily. I don’t know any good fire attacks since I’ve spent my entire life trying to hide them. But I think back to Goldie and remember that I also evaporated his fishbowl with excitement. So desperately I plunge my hands into the large, round lake and put as much fire as I can through my hands. And I guess some of it must have worked because all of sudden I hear. “AH, THAT BURNS! '' from Michael. Then as he sees my point of contact with the water, he gets the water to pull me in somehow, knowing that I can’t swim. The starless night, the vast green trees, it all felt so distant. He knew my weakness, but I knew his: he hated sad things. So, as long as I could get my head over water, I could get him down. But no matter how hard I tried, my vision started to blur and then it dawned on me, maybe the sadness from killing me will end him.

Up above water Michael yells, “Where are you, Casper! This isn’t over yet! The world needs to know M.A.R.C took down the magnificent Casper Campbell!” Casper didn’t surface.

Then Michael felt a sharp pain in his chest, sadness. He had just killed the last member of his family that loved him. There was no way Casper’s parents would take him in now. He collapsed in tears into the water. Then a flame shot out from underneath burning him instantly to death. Casper had held his breath;however, he still couldn’t swim so he died as well. They were together, among the stars they had spent their childhood looking at.

The next morning Mercy found the bodies of both Casper and Michael Campbell on the shore of the lake. Panicking, she called Casper’s parents who flew back from England to sort out the legal chaos. The official causes of death were immolation and drowning. Both supposedly suicides. Mercy was too late, yet again the world was unfair and a child must be brought without a father’s presence.

That’ll be it for me… for now 😛😛