#one esk: if you think i have anything in common with you i don't

[gideonisms]

always thinking about that one random officer who plays counters with one esk in the middle of AJ, says something mildly insulting about awn in a "bosses suck don't they" type of way, immediately notices one esk is offended, and apologizes even though one esk insists it doesn't care. then brings up how ships have favorites and awn might be one. to which one esk repeats it wasn't offended and demonstrates how uncannily it can mimic a human smile.

[ivys-garden]

Hivy, I'm Ivy, and it's time for..

Life Series Alliance Analysis Session Recap:

Scars Snail cam is the best thing to happen this season.

Yes, another week means another session of Wild Life and damn did this one live up to the name. This session's Wild Card was the Infamous immortal snail, an idea originating from a meme that asked if you would press a button to get one million dollars if it meant an unkillable Snail would Chase you and if it ever touched you, you'd die.

This session's snails were far more dangerous though, resulting in far more carnage and downright Junji Ito-Esk descriptions of the incredibly ominous snails. On session 3 there are already 3 reds on the server and, had Grian not called end of session early, we would have had a first player out. So much happened and yet no progress was made, let's see what the teams were up to.

Also, 34 DEATHS WHAT THE FU

The Fast And The Furious (Gem & Joel)

I'm not calling them the family. That name is already taken. And is also lame.

The dynamic duo start the session by immediately forgetting they're supposed to be trying to shake their Villainous reputation by vowing to convince everyone to kill Pearl & Impulse, an incredibly stupid plot for many reasons:

1.Everyone they convince sucks at they're job

2. By gems own admission, Impulse barely did anything to her

3.joel literally forgot about this, since it wasn't important

4. Pearl literally did nothing to her, she was just they're as Impulse was having a rake in there chest (no the poisoning doesn't count, Pearl would do that to anyone)

5. If Pearl is to be punished for just being in the area, then why aren't Cleo & Scott also punished?

6. Gem and Impulse have no interactions this session

7. Pearl and Impulse STILL don't realise Gem hates them

8. Gem repeatedly calls what she's doing “Social Deduction”... no.

Gem actually has a lot in common with Impulse, they're both being extremely ruthless for no reason (if these two become thr final two and there isn't an AMV of there journey through teh season set to Ruthlessness from Epic I will literally eat snow.)

How will this saga end? Idk but it's very funny. keep it up.

Apart from that Gem built a wall, befriended her Snail and neither died. Well done!

(Sidenote about the Gem-Impulse beef, people forget this since he hasn't mentioned it yet but Joel makes it his mission to kill Scott every season. These teams would still be against each other regardless of what Impulse did, which is also very funny)

The Final Girls - (Pearl, Scott, Cleo, Impulse & Bigb)

Oh Deer. That's a lot of deaths very early for the faverouites to win

So to start, Impulse’s Creeper farm is a bust and likely will never be seen again. Whoopsie.

The team also decided to move a smidge closer to everyone else. Due to the snails no substantial progress could be made on this endeavour from most of the team tho, luckily Pearl (after dying to her snail, immediately proving herself as the teams crash test dummy again) was able to get a grip on her snail and get the build started, unfortunately as Pearl is building it is almost certainly going to become a tower…. Oh Pearl also died again building it. What's up with her this season?

Moving on to the perpetual drama that I'd this team’s dynamic, where once again we see the contrast between how Tumblr acts like this team is and how they actually are, with everyone just having a grand old chill time joking around and petting dogs. Crazy to think that a team made of these 5 goober would actually ENJOY when they're teammates cause chaos, Hmm?

A lot of this team's session is actually spent apart, meaning that there isn't much to talk about with them. But Pearl is on Yellow now, meaning she is definitely killing someone next session (an action the whole team is one board with btw). Once again proving herself as the attack dog of the life Series, she asks the team who to hurt. Impulse tries to convince her to attack Ren for killing him, but Pearl shoots this down, once again proving that she is NOT ruthless like impulse. Remember everyone, Pearl might be a little chaos gremlin but she does need a reason to kill or she won't do it. She isn't actually just a murder machine like in double life

That's the funny thing about double life actually. Pearl has moved in from the tower, its everyone else who is stuck in it.

Anyway, grian has a big ol target on his back, we'll see how that Pan's out next week.

Oh also SNAIL RACE HELL YEAH MOTHER FU

The Bam-Boozelers (Scar, Lizzie & Jimmy)

Lizzie thinks snails are arthropods.

Remember when I said Jimmy was the only confident one on this team? Well I guess he didn't have the confidence brain cell this week because he died. He died so much. The entire session for these guys is pretty much just trying to save Jimmy.

This doesn't go very well at all. Jimmy is able to get one life back through a deal with Ren, but all other attempts to intentionally kill someone fall flatter than Scar in session one. At least he does take initiative and blow up Joel's Hidious-Horrible-No-Good-Mobile. Great work big man!

Aslo, Jimmy admitted to being the harvester of the end! The canary curse isn't dying g first it's dying RIGHT before the Finale! That's Canon! I was right! VINDICATION!

The Tuff Guys (Bdubs, Etho & Tango)

Word of advice, if you need to constantly say your tough, your not.

Somehow despite making literally negative progress, this team still managed to do a lot. Bdubs immediately starts the episode with some light gaslighting on account of being bdubs. After this it is decided he must “do something tuff” and so he is sent to go mess with the Bam-Boozelers.

Keeping up with tuff guy tradition, bdubs doesn't do anything. Instead he enlists the Bam Gang to help him make up a story about how totally bad and evil he is. Bdubs is also allowed to come stay with them when the tuff guys inevitably fall apart. An offer bdubs is willing to accept even after Jimmy & Scar get him killed.

In other tuff news, Etho is desperate to prove that he is super tuff and shows up to kill the Bam-Boozelers cows…while they're away meaning he did not have to display any tuffness. He literally just needed to be in and out before they got back. He also takes a second shot at the final girls at gem's request again, and like the first time it goes horribly. The first time he gets distracted by the snail dance party (who wouldn't) and when he remembers what he actually set out to do, the most tuff then he can think of is empty threats and mild littering. C- for effort.

And then there's poor unfortunate Tango, not only does he go to red this session but he also loses his house after being blamed for the cow deaths etho caused. Oh but don't worry he got revenge on scar… in a way that was easily repairable and did no actual damage apart from massively lowering his own reputation.

That is the great tuffness of the tuff guys everybody! They're failing at everything and getting overly stressed about shelled gastropods!

The Spanners (Grian, Mumbo & Skizz)

Grian seemed to think this card would be easy, and I geuss it is if you k ow what to expect and have one of your mates Snail watching you all episode.

Now, Skizz, majestic failure that he is, went yellow super quickly and so the entire session is spent trying to save his but in a multitude of ways, all of which skizz manages to fail at spectacularly. Grian does manage to save Ren from Yellow for about ten minutes and at the cost of any chance he had of Impulse not killing him.

Eventually skizz gave up on all the compilated plots and just wacked Lizzie until she died.

He then immediately got killed again God damn it skizz.

OK so skizz massively lowered they're reputation with the Bam-Boozelers for nothing AND Impulse's revenge meter is full and his team won't hold him back anymore AND I think Martyn might still be peeved at the Enchanter situation AND Tango probably still wants to kill them AND despite what grian says Gem and Joel don't seem to care about them beyond nudging them to kill Impulse so yeah these 3 are super dead, I give them like a session until one of them drops.

P.S Mumbo calls the Snail meme a “thought experment” and I found that very funny and I think you should too.

Also apparently Jimmy and Grian debate what to do about the snail all the time??

Renwood (Martyn & Ren)

There will be a live Snail reaction meme over yaoi of these two I just now it.

Fallowing they're arc of being nice this season, Renwood goes on a great friend finding journey, allying with Gem & Joel on the condition of totally being super mean to Impulse promise and forming a friends to the end Pack with Jimmy at the cost of a spare life.

Ren probably regrets that particular pact as, while trying to perform a great horse search, he loses a life. And another. And so he must kill, allying temporarily with the Spanners to get a kill on Impulse, something that he immediately regrets, proving he is less of a Rottwiler and More of a Labby. Luckily for ren he avoids Impulse's revenge list for now on account of apologising, getting instant Karma for it and the other final girls desperately holding Impulse back.

Martyn on the other hand has a far better time, gallivanting I'm the Nether with etho for potions (he died doing that but shhh), organising the great Snail dance party and joining up with fellow Chaos Gremlins Pearl and Impulse to have some fun with snails and tnt.

With potions in hand the Renwood duo and Etho got up to all sorts of mischief, turning ren invisible and making Scar's Snail invisible, resulting in him almost dying twice and being out of the series…oopsie.

Also Martyn sucks at explaining the Snail meme and thinks the all spice guy and kool aid man are the same person.

Predictions?

With more information comes the first Predictions from me.

●Someone goes out and soon. Probably Skizz or Scar. Jimmy will survive tho, after all the canary curse means he's the harbinger of the end of the series… though with how it's going, next session very well could be the end of the series.

●Grian Is getting murked next session, probably by Pearl.

● The tuff guys will fall apart. Bdubs will buy with the Bam-Boozelers, Etho with Gem and Joel and Tango will be left scrabbling for someone to team up with.

● Joel will try to get revenge on Jim for blowing up the car and will fail

● Etho will continue to look like a total loser

● One of the people yet to die loses a life next session.

So uh yeah. I'm gonna go lie down for until next week.

Until then I've been Ivy, and this has been… whatever this was.

[ranticore]

I thought I'd make a quick "here's how u pronounce" for some names/words in inver & hibernogallic (the french language spoken there)

If I was really hardcore about it I'd post voice clips of me saying the words but if I did then u would know that i am shocking bad at french

Inver - not pronounced like the real world place Inver. It's more like "awn-ver"

Esk - not what you think - try to mash "esk" and "ash" into one word while you say it Comes from the first syllable of Eiscir.

Félix - sorry fellas it's "fay-LEES" as in 'lease'.

Senca - that's "San-ka"

Islin - you can pelt me with sticks and rocks for this one. It's "Ish-la"

Ó Donnchadha [Islin's surname] - irl this is the root of "O Donohue" but it's not spoken that way. "Dun-a-ha" is the best way I can write that without explaining how lenition sounds ('cha')

Erica - short for Ericales so it's like "er-ee-ka", not the feminine form of Eric.

Sionnach [Eri's surname]- "shun-ach" again with the soft ch. You can google how to pronounce that one

Carhaix - no fuckin clue I think it's car-ay

Lough - just say "lock" don't even try anything else

D'Ouilly - it's like Dwilly but ppl in Inver sometimes call them Dawleys.

Sidhe - you know how to pronounce this one

Searrach - if you got Sionnach right then you can work this one out too I believe in you

Amhan - that's "awan" and yes from the same root as avon

Invergorken - from Inbhearr Ceann, locals would scrub out the middle syllable and just say "Inverken". You can tell an outsider by their more careful pronunciation

Síofra - "shee-fra"

Valéry - not like Valerie, heavy stress on the second syllable so it's "vaLERy"

Ye - everyone is wrong about this. It's not "yeh" it's YEE and it's a plural "you". Similar to yous, yeez, or y'all

Wycombe - a real place I've been to multiple times and we'd see the road signs and go ahh it's WHY-CUM-BEE but it is in fact pronounced wiccam or if you prefer, Wickham. Basically the only time I let a character have an English name.

Some additional notes on the language - it's mutually intelligible with hibernian and aquitanian but considered really ugly by native speakers of both those languages. The most common complaint is that it sounds like someone speaking their language through a mouthful of rocks

There are no standalone words for "yes" or "no" - when they are used (and I made sure while writing that they are not used often in dialogue), it's usually as an additional affirmative in a sentence, and not in answer to a question. I slipped up a few times tho

To answer a question in the affirmative or negative instead of saying yes or no, you just repeat the verb from the question - "did you sleep?"/"I did" - "have you seen this?"/"I haven't"

[oddballwriter]

I was wondering if you could do a pre-dad!MH/EMH guys (of your choice kinda like the one you did way back in march) before they were traumatized and everything went downhill (😭) I kinda feel like they’re parenting would kinda change sense they are not burden by their respectives trauma. Besides Tim cause he was been through it since birth but he was getting better

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Warnings: I don't think that there's really anything other than just some minor talk about common parent-child issues 

Author’s Snip: I wrote for just Evan, Tim, and Vinny. If you guys want the others/any others than just say so in my inbox.

Notes: I arguably picked the most dad-esk characters in EMH and MH. I mean Evan technically already was a dad so he's already got some dad in him other than just his vibes 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

Evan

I've mentioned before that Evan would be the type of dad that would basically be his kid's best friend

Obviously he'll put on the parental pants when he needs to to make sure you aren't doing things you aren't meant to and also take care of your needs

But Evan believes that a parent and child's relationship should be one of the closest bond and relationship in a person's life. And so he has a big emphasis in making sure that you two get along and have a close bond

You're honestly his whole world, he practically revolves around you. He's secretly really doting on you and will deny it if anyone points it out

He's still his regular self and maybe to some more serious people he seems like an immature guy and that he might not be the best dad

But Evan really does do a lot and isn't afraid to put your needs before his

Vinny and Jeff are like uncles/god-fathers to you since you probably grew up and were taken care of by them too

I've said this before but Evan would be such a good fun dad. He's perfect for being a dad

Tim

I've talked about before the being a parent is scary because he's scared of his condition and the Operator getting in the way

But let's just. Pretend he doesn't have that, just so we can see this man be a father without any worries of paranormal beings and things tormenting him or his child

I think Tim is still scared of messing up and being a dad at first.

I mean, who isn't. You are in charge of meeting the child's needs, providing safety and security, forming morals and understandings, and have to put in a lot of physical, emotional, and mental energy.

So it all scares Tim a bit, but he's able to get it together and find some support systems like Brian and the rest of the group

He's actually not too bad at it and actually grows from it

It's a little bit funky for him when their small but he gets used to that

I feel like he's best as the dad who you can talk to and he can give you some life advice and stories that are semi-good. I mean it's not bad so at least it's not that

Vinny

Vinny makes a pretty okay to good dad

His personality and attitude strikes be as both a good one for being a dad but also that maybe be would have some faults

He seems like he'd enjoy it and the thought of being a dad and makes jokes about it

But sometimes Vinny will have moments where he doesn't know what to do or how to handle it

Like lets say is kid is a teen and they're doing stuff and getting into things that he doesn't like, or he and his kid get into a fight/argument

He sort of has no idea what to do and might put his foot down too harshly or not enough

I feel like it would be a little to heavy with him because he just sort of trouble shoots and just goes off what he thinks he should in that moment rather than stepping away for a moment and thinking about it

He's doing his best, don't get me wrong

But sometimes he just has a moment where he just doesn't know how to handle something and thinks that he should

[singlecrow]

Okay so, here it is. What is the fundamental difference between Breq and Murderbot? I really feel like there is one, even though they have so much in common, actually here are the things they have in common:

they are both sad ambulatory artificial intelligences. check. so sad. and cranky.

they were both under human control, and now not: Murderbot hacked its governor module, and Breq... well, it sort of happened? Justice of Toren* was controlled by the Radchaai military; Breq is not, because Justice of Toren blew up, and really she's more worried about that. (Oh, darling. I love how very matter-of-fact Breq always is about it. The ship, that was what I was, blew up and I'm not sad not at all.)

*footnote: I worry that not italicising the ships' names disrespects their identity. I worry about a lot of things.

They are both, in part, defined by their relationship to one (human) person: Mensah for Murderbot, Lieutenant Awn for Breq slash One Esk. They are both also worried about the welfare of other AIs - Murderbot about Miki and Three, Breq about everyone but starting with Mercy of Kalr.)

However, they don't want to be human. Neither of them, not at all.

And very importantly: they both have their ThING. With Breq it's the singing. So much singing. Many songs. Bad singing. With Murderbot it's the serials. So many serials. Bad serials. And they each have a well-documented favourite, too: Breq's is "my heart is a fish" (omg, I love the Amaat soldier who's just like "Do we have to sing about fish ALL the time?") and Murderbot's beloved, Sanctuary Moon.

Okay so. I think the difference them is just this: Breq is an adult, and Murderbot is a child. A teenager, probably. But that's it. And I think you could understand that straight off about Murderbot, but it's Breq who pulls it into sharp relief. Consider, first, the singing, as Justice of Toren One Esk Nineteen would wish you to do. The ship was known as the "singing ship"; the reason Breq knows so many songs is because the ship was collecting them for two thousand years. It's a lifelong habit that Breq takes with her; whereas for Murderbot it's day one of a new life. It's how it begins to be a person. In Breq's case, it's elegy for the person that she was, long ago.

And personhood is a thing. Murderbot is fiercely protective of its personhood. It is a person, not a human person, not there to be anyone's pet person, not looking for love or gendered pronouns or anything except space to watch its shows. Breq... is not worried. She's an ancillary, and doesn't need to be more. She's lived this long, and she doesn't need to be saved. So she says, but I love how she admits that she does like being "she", rather than "it". Not because she cares very much about pronouns or gender, not even because she's Radchaai (sidenote: I also love that she kind of has to contend with the fact that she is Radchaai) but because her crew would never talk to her as though she were a thing.

And she's admitted, as has Murderbot, that she's capable of love. Which brings us to:

Murderbot saves the person it loves; Breq murdered hers.

So why is this important? I mean, I think it's interesting. And particularly the contrast between Mensah and Awn; Mensah is a guide for Murderbot, a mentor-type figure; One Esk, on the other hand, cared for Lieutenant Awn in the most fundamental and loving way. So naturally it's Mensah who is saved, and Awn who is killed. (And Justice of Toren that is broken by it.) It's such a different story, for each of them. Murderbot is anxious and angry and traumatised; Breq is all of those, but also just deeply, fundamentally grieving in a way Murderbot hasn't lived long enough to understand.

But: here's actually why I think it's important. Murderbot is a new person, and despite what it says, it wants to keep its people safe, which requires going out in the world to keep people safe. And as it does, it meets other people, trying to do good: people trying to smuggle out slaves; a university trying to overturn the corporates; a whole planet of good people who try to make life better for everyone. It's a shitty corporate hellscape, but bit by bit, it might be getting better. Breq is the two-thousand-year-old remnant of an earlier world. AI-core warships are no longer being made; the Radch is no longer conducting annexations. And the split in Anaander Minaai means that the empire is tearing itself apart from within. Breq lives in the embers of a dying fire. And you might say that yes, good, down with empire, but that is also Breq's life and culture (and she is Radchaai), her tea and omens and songs. So grown-up Breq, tired and impossibly old, does her best to do better, to do no harm; whereas spiky teenage Murderbot really might change the world.

suddenly I have a million things to say about Ancillary Justice and Murderbot

[oscars-dumbass-central]

So the worldbuilding worm has burrowed its way into my brain through a gap in the back of my skull and now I am just thinking about which kind of alcohol each of the Empires would export/make

Dawn - Mead

Yeah, this one is easy, Dawn has bees so they get mead. But like mead is also very sweet and it reminds me somewhat of how sweet Gem is.

Gobland - Vodka

Gobland has potatoes in order to breed the pigs, and you know what you make with potatoes? Vodka! Plus fWhip gives the vibes of someone with a hidden bottle of vodka in his bag which he pretends is water.

And like Gobland probably doesn't have the best of hygiene and throughout history people would drink watered down alcohol instead of water in order to prevent getting sick from the water. So yeah, they mix vodka and water together to do that

Stratos - Wine

In ancient Greece dark red wine was a common offering for the gods due to many parts of Greece being well known for growing grapes. And since Joel is going for a whole ancient Greece-esk aesthetic I think it fits. (Plus yeah he totally constantly demands offerings of wine from the people of Lower Stratos.)

Tumble Town - Moonshine

Again, going for the classic 'cowboy' drink. Plus I just like the idea of Jimmy thinking that there is no alcohol anywhere in Tumble Town while there is an entire smuggling ring of moonshiners. Just fits his entire vibe.

Evermoore - Potions

They don't got alcohol cause Shelby is the only person there, but she does got a ton of weird potions, some of em might be alcohol. No-one is sure.

Eversea - Rum

The classic pirate beverage of choice and that's about it but I am also very tired so feel free to suggest any better ideas lmao.

Chromia - the most obnoxious colourful cocktails you can imagine

Pretty much what I said before. Tastes like candy or sugar but will completely knock you out three times as fast as anything else. May or may not come with llama spit, but according to the llama man it makes them better and no-one's gotten around to proving him wrong yet.

Cogsmead - uhhhh mead again

I don't think Cogsmead makes their own alcohol, but they do trade with Dawn so they have plenty of mead. It's in their name for crying out loud, what else would they have? (please tell me what else they would have I am tired and brain is gone)

And thatsssss it! All my brain can produce right now, have good timezone, please give suggestions on what else I could add to this

[taskforcedistortion]

"Hah! How cute..." More pets for the Apple! Though Maxie's eyes drift back over to Saint at the mention of being a 'Defect' "... You an Cassandra should really meet, it sound's like you two have more in common than anything... hm."

The two medics bicker amongst themselves, before Maxie one more says something "Could you two work on sedating the Houndoom and making sure he gets outside with the rest of their team...? I don't think leaving him to be uncomfortable on the floor is a good idea, besides... it frees up Fight and Bite."

The Magma-esk medic quickly stands up an gives a quick "Yes sir!" before going up the stairs swiftly, Maxie blinks in surprise, looking over at the Aqua medic who shrugs and follows after them.

"... I still don't like that reaction" He shakes his head.

[Closed Starter for @dark-type-mischief and @pokemonveterinarian]

Mid day, at around 4 in the evening, it started.

The raid started.

Portals opened in the woods of Santalune Forest, close enough to the house for it to be not much of a walk, but far enough to not be heard at first, Maxie narrows his eyes at the sight of the house, face warping into a sarcastic smirk. "Of course his house would be run down... of course..."

A few grunts surround the area, quickly getting into the positions they were told, after all, this is Maxie and Archie's kid, they're here in case something goes wrong.

Pokemon were let out of their pokeballs, mainly canines and other small pokemon, the pokemon leading the pack being Bite, Fight, and a large female Houndoom, the collar on her neck saying 'Smoke'.

Both Archie and Maxie hang back for now, letting the pokemon lead the charge.

Bite and Fight both quickly charge at the door at the same time, Smoke right behind them.