#one does not take photos of people you don't know without their consent

[moony-studies]

OMG SAMEEEEE. However, I would like to develop my opinion.

Coming from Mexico where archaeology and later on cultural anthropology, have settled down the foundations of the "State" and employing the Mesoamerican cultures as the "root of 'our' identity as mexicans", just to built a story of victors against the foreign enemy while historycally forgetting and putting in disadvantage their indigenous communities.

The Mexican State sells the idea of these 'great and advanced civilizations' by proffiting of the economical gains the archaeological record offer in tourist attractions, but keep turning its head from the demands of the actual "descendants". Being in Tumblr, in contact with what a lot of usamericans posts, it still schocks me when I see things like the mayas magically disappeared, when they're right there.

Yes, the archaeological and physical remains are important, but these artifacts have been employed to encapsulate the indigenous communities in the past and looking over them.

HOWEVER

What the general public omits when they think about forensic anthropology is that this branch does not just worry about any remains.

When you live in a context where thanks to forensic anthropology can help identify some else's loved one, your perspective changes about it.

Because these are not any remains, those are *humans* remains. Someone's brother, someone's Mother, someone's sibling's or loved-one's. Someone with a biography, with joys, fears and regrets.

Because I love people. And I deeply hate when people just talk about them as piles of bones and flesh, and rip away their humanity. Finding a person can also mean for a family to have a body to grief and say goodbye to or a way to obtain justice.

My rant, is not directed towards OP (my apologies if I made you felt like it was) but to express my frustration towards the collective poor image people have about what anthropology is and its potentials.

Because people go like 'ooh bones' but is not a matter of the bones themselves. The *anthropo* part in anthropology stands for human being and they do not stop being one after death.

So, in conclusion. I find horrifying when people care more about the ancient dead people more than the people in the present. But when studying the dead, they should never be taken out their humanity and, the living can also and its study could offer peace towards their living peers.

Sorry for doing this so long, for any part that doesn't make sense, or for any grammar o spell mistake (my first lenguaje is spanish as i am mexican and it's late in the night, I wanted to sleep but my adhd braid said: raaaant.)

i find it so sad as an anthropology student that people only really care about forensic anthropology??? i'm in love with people and you want me to talk about their remains??? no!!!

[drdemonprince]

Hi Devon! I read your work published on substack on autism and asexuality (really great stuff!) and then found your Tumblr and came across your own experiences navigating sexuality and kink, and they made me wonder if you have any advice for a fellow asexual on the spectrum who struggles socially but is interested in experimenting with sex/kink for the first time? People usually find sexual partners on dating apps or at the club but that seems so daunting I've been entertaining this fantasy of finding a community of people with a virgin fetish just so I don't have download tinder

Abandon your fantasy that anything fulfilling will occur without a massive amount of work. Running one's own sexual life requires a high caliber of communication, negotiation, and self-promotion skills, as well as a significant amount of time and experience. If this is worth it for you, venture forth! If not, maybe now is not the right time.

I will have a much more in depth guide on cruising written sometime soonish, but in the meantime I do have some tips.

Do not use fucking Tinder. That is an incredibly vanilla, heteronormative site. You might have a negative impression of your chances finding what you want because you've only had a glimpse of the most normie places and your friends' experiences with them. To find the kinky, experimental kind of sex you want, you'll instead have to educate yourself, and go looking for the freaks.

Fetlife is a good place to start. It will be overwhelming to navigate at first, but keep pressing. Fill out your profile with your interests, take a few sexy photos (whatever that means for you), and join local groups. Follow people who post things you find interesting, read lots of posts. Pick up some books on leather and kink history, and study up. Jack Rinella is a favorite of mine, but I am deliberately keeping my recommendation list lean so that you will dig for what you are interested in, yourself.

Look up local groups interested in rubber, leather, kink, etc, find local dungeons, attend local munch events (these are low-pressure social hangouts with no kinky play, but for kinksters to meet eachother), and find out where the gay bars are in your area that have backrooms in them, as well as cruising spots. Check out spaces where people do kinky or sexual stuff together and just watch.

After considerable information gathering and self-searching, put yourself out there and take agency over your own sexual life. Message people you find interesting, and I do mean just interesting. Learn from other bottoms if you're a bottom. Trade stories with other subs if you're a sub. Learn techniques from other Doms if you're a Dom, or some combination of all these things if you're verse or switchy. If someone shares some interests with you and seems compatible, make a specific suggestion for play, like: Want to meet up and practice our rope tying? or Would you like to practice your spanking technique on me? or I don't like having sex, but I'd love to use you as my personal footstool.

Remember that you get to set the terms for the engagement, and the other person does as well. If they reject you, that means consent has successfully happened, everybody gets a pat on the back, good job. The same goes for you. If all you want is to drag a human puppy around on a leash, don't settle for someone who keeps pressuring you for sex. Just end the interaction. There are a whole lot of freaks out there with a whole array of interests, and most people who are kinky eventually learn to be gracious and work with what a prospective partner is into, but we also all have our dealbreakers. That's fine. You don't want to play football with someone who insists on tackle when all you want is touch. It's the same thing. This is just silly pretend games. So find someone who wants to play a game you want to play.

And yeah, you can expect it to take about two years to really find your footing in this world and really know what you want and how to articulate it successfully, at least. That doesn't mean you won't have enjoyable (or at least interesting, informative) experiences along the way. But it is a lot of work. I find it is better to lead off with realistic expectations because many people rush out hoping that someone will just magically appear who will fulfill all their desires, and that's not how the world works. Every person that you speak to in a kinky context is a full human being with their own anxieties, sexual traumas, shame, areas where they lack experience, and desires that might strike them as impossible to realize.

In kink, you have to learn to navigate really complicated interactions with each one of them as its own independent thing. A lot of us make the mistake early on of thinking everyone else out there is a more seasoned, confident, sexually voracious being than we are, and that all we have to do is find the right person to give us a good time. But with our actions and negotiations WE make it a good time, us and our partner of the moment, together.

If you don't put the work in, you get nothing out. But the more you reveal of yourself and stay present in the interaction and honor it as the specific, unique thing that it is, the more benefits you reap -- not just sex or kinky play, but friendships, community ties, self-knowledge, and social skills.

Have fun out there! I hope you learn a lot.

[crybabylipstick]

TALKING ABOUT THE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST MELANIE MARTINEZ:

In November of 2017, Timothy tweeted "what if I have my own story of a*use but I'm scared to ruin the persons life and I still love them in a f*cked up way and the public really loves them and most probably wouldn't believe me".

On December 4, 2017, Timothy publicly accused Melanie of s*xual as*ault on Twitter. She alleged two nights during which she "repeatedly said no" to advances from Melanie, claiming she kept secret for years and describing how Melanie had performed s*xual act*vities on her without her consent.

Melanie replied to the accusation shortly after claiming Timothy's allegation was false:

"I am horrified and saddened by the statements and story told tonight by Timothy Heller. What she and I shared was a close friendship for a period of time. We came into each other's lives as we were both starting our careers as artists, and tried to help each other. We both had pain in dealing with our individual d*mons and the new paths we were forging, but I truly felt we were trying to lift each other up. She never said no to what we chose to do together. And although we parted ways, I am sending her love and light always." (In case the picture is blurry).

- Melanie Martinez

In an interview with Newsweek, Timothy claimed that Melanie tried to contact both her and her boyfriend around 20 minutes after publishing the accusations through text and phone calls. No evidence to back this up was ever shared. In the aforementioned interview, Timothy went on to say that Melanie's dismissal of her account "says it all":

First of all, I did say 'no,' multiple times, but even if I hadn't, that doesn't mean I wanted it. She dug her own grave saying, 'she didn't say no'. That's not consent."

- Timothy Heller

On December 10, Melanie thanked her fans who supported her after the accusations.

"I understand how hard it could be to see my side of the story, considering no one with a heart would want to invalidate anyone speaking up about this topic. I want to thank my fans who took the time to research the timeline, analyze past Instagram photos, and question the story being told, which reveal her false statements. I trusted so many people in my life who took advantage of that trust for their own personal gain. Please know that my intentions with everything that I do in my life are always pure and I would never be i*timate with someone without their absolute consent." (In case the picture is blurry).

- Melanie Martinez

On July 19, 2024, 6 years after the controversy, Timothy posted a 6-minute video onto TikTok detailing how she had been h*rassed and bullied off the internet due to speaking up about the all*gations. She also said that she felt "quite validated" from Melanie's response due to Melanie admitting that the two had something take place between them.

(screenshot of the video Timothy is talking about Melanie and the whole situation).

Now, before anyone says something like "Oh wow you're supporting a 🍇pist" "You support 🍇pe" "Can't believe you believe Melanie" etc. I don't believe anyone, I'm not picking sides neither I'm trying to start a fight or offend anyone. I've been getting a lot of hate about the whole situation from people who don't even know me, saying stuff like "You support 🍇pe" "I hope you get 🍇ped too" "Supporting a 🍇pist" and really mean and offensive stuff like that. I DO NOT support 🍇pe. I just wanted to clear some things out, just because I'm a fan of Melanie doesn't mean I support everything she does and believe in everything she says etc. I'm just a fan and nothing more, I DO NOT care about her personal LIFE or what she DOES. I just listen to her music and art. I'm not trying to offend anyone or anything. And I'm not saying you shouldn't express your thoughts or opinions on the whole situation or anything like that. Neither I'm saying you are in the wrong if you believe Timothy/Melanie. All I'm trying to say is we shouldn't judge or pick sides because only Melanie and Timothy know what truly happened. We might never know the truth, and that's totally okay. The only people who can judge each other are Melanie and Timothy. We don't even know what happened. Timothy could be lying, Melanie could be lying, who knows? Also, Melanie hasn't been proven GUILTY neither is Timothy's story INVESTIGATED or proven to be TRUE.

Another thing I want to point out is that even tho Timothy claims to be traumatised by Melanie and the whole situation etc. Timothy in 2015/2016 had dressed up as Melanie:

( 1st photo edited by me (I mean how I compared the pictures) , please give credits if you use etc. Thank you 🌬️🤍).

I'm sure you don't dress up as someone who has done something so serious and mean to you.

Not to mention when Timothy said the date that apparently the whole situation happened Melanie was in another state on the "CRYBABY TOUR". The last time I checked, you couldn't f*ck someone from that far away. (Not trying to offend anyone). And she also has claimed that she didn't remember the date that well yet she is still giving us a date.

Anyways, that's all I have to say, if you read all that, thank you, I really appreciate it. 🌬️🤍

( By the way, this is MY opinion about the whole situation. NOT trying to start a fight, be mean or offend anyone. Saying this so that there won't be any misunderstandings or false information 💕🩹).

[thefrogdalorian]

I think on this fine Saturday afternoon it's a good opportunity to take a breather and remember that there are really no ethical paparazzi pictures. Every single one is inherently exploitative.

Just because photos were taken on a movie set, when someone is 'working,' does not make the practice any less invasive and creepy. Imagine just going about your day, doing your job and having some weirdo snapping pictures of you to sell without your consent for others to endlessly repost online.

There are thousands of pictures of your favourite actor online already. Plenty taken with his knowledge and consent. I'd really like to see more of them on my dash, rather than the creeper shots.

And don't get me started how disseminating these pictures directly leads to people going to said sets. What starts off as admiring how good someone looks has real world implications.

No, hanging around a movie set and disrupting people doing their jobs is not harmless fun or a way to show your appreciation.

If you hang around a movie set, you are a stalker.

Don't tell me that it's okay to take your online admiration for someone offline. You may admire him but he does not, and will never, personally know you. He will never be your friend/boyfriend/daddy. He is a stranger.

The only way meeting your favourite actor is going to happen is at a convention or maaaaaybe a movie premiere if you're incredibly fortunate. You know, places they appear specifically to meet fans (or not in the case of premieres, where the purpose is to promote a movie. Which is also completely understandable if actors don't stop. You are not owed an interaction).

Of course, you cannot help it if you randomly run into someone you admire in the wild. Even then, consider that they probably won't be all too thrilled to be approached in public by a complete stranger. It's up to you to gauge the situation, but remember there is a person at the heart of all of this.

Boundaries and respect are a kindness which deserves to be extended to each and every human being regardless of their looks/talent/fame/wealth.

Fandoms blur those lines a little too often for my liking and I think just scrutinising what you're interacting with, or what behaviour you could be possibly falling down that slippery slope towards is nice to do every once in a while.

I mean no malice with this post and it is not directed at anyone in particular. It's something I cannot help but feel strongly about because I've seen this destructive cycle time and again in fandoms over the years. It's not healthy and it makes us all a little bit more disconnected from our humanity for it...

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Hi admin. I really don’t want this posted unless you think it’s for the best. I’m extremely anxious right now. I don’t even know what to say. I’m the one who took the pic yesterday at the airport. I bought the event tickets and booked flights a month ago. I didn’t expect to ever see him outside of a public event like at an airport. I didn’t know what to do. Should I bug him and try to talk to him? Or not bother him? I’m too shy and anxious to talk and I’ve seen so many pics of him at airports and coffee shops and I thought Evan fans would like another. I completely regret posting it let alone taking it or even going near him even though I planned on sitting in that area before I even recognized him. I feel terrible that I invaded his privacy and I never had any bad intentions and never would want to upset him. It kills me most that he might be upset right now. I never thought it would blow up like this since others have done the same, but it did. I guess it’s because all I ever posted on Twitter was Evan stuff and nothing personal. That’s because I’m terrified of criticism and too scared to post things. But Evan stuff made me happy so I’d risk any negativity. I went up to watch them film Tron. The outdoor filming locations were public knowledge posted on Twitter and I don’t live far from there. I am weird like you said (the good weird) but I promise I’m not a stalker. I’m sorry to Evan if I offended or hurt him. Hindsight is 20/20 and I would do it all differently if I could. The account is deleted. I will never post or talk about Evan again. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I love your blog. And again, Evan, if you ever read this, I’m sorry.

i am posting this just because i actually do believe it's important for some of our twitter friends who may be reading my blog to get a reality check about this situation. i can promise you, the very same fans who are acting aghast at your airport photo regularly reblog/retweet/post and save photos taken over the past 10+ years of evan at airports, at restaurants, in all sorts of public places.. without his knowledge or consent, including countless paparazzi photos, which seem far more intrusive and inappropriate than a single airport shot. they do it without a second thought or any sort of guilt, but because you had a face and name they could attach to that one particular shot, and it was easy for people to click on your profile and see you had met evan previously and are a big fan of his, unfortunately some people have created a narrative and ran with it. ironic but… doesn't that sound familiar?

i'm not going to let people do this on my blog. you did absolutely nothing wrong or anything that you should be feeling badly about. i know i get on here and unload PLENTY of criticism for the fans who cross boundaries, disrespect evan as a human, and display unstable behavior but this is not one of them. this is about people being ugly and judgmental over someone, you, who paid for tickets to events and behaved as a fan. going to meet & greets you paid for does not make you a stalker. going to a movie set like tons of other people do every day does not make you a stalker. observing an awards show does not make you a stalker. none of these things are indicative of someone who is acting inappropriately or has some sort of delusions they're going to capture evan peters or find a way to enter into his life. and if you're someone outside of fandom, i don't expect you to understand that these things i just named off are extremely common and not some sign that you're going to kidnap your favorite celebrity. but if you're on my blog, i do sort of expect you to understand that people who engage in fandom routinely do meet their favorite celebrities and go to events to see them, and that isn't automatically indicative of anything nefarious. for instance: you know i have been very vocal in my criticism of the weird behavior jackie has exhibited online, but i didn't post any of the numerous messages from people who were speaking about her at the M&G because she paid to be there, and i have not heard she did anything questionable in his presence.. so why should i give a fuck that she stood in line and took photos just like the other tons of fans who did the same? that's an appropriate way to meet a celebrity you admire.

this will make some of you mad, but you need to hear it regardless: evan peters is not our personal friend from missouri. evan peters is a multi-millionaire actor, celebrity and public figure who is not entitled to the same privacy you and i are. no celebrity is - the very concept is contradictory. if you want discretion and privacy, you're not going to get it as a celebrity. period. argue with your mother.

if you believe evan peters is somewhere trembling, deeply traumatized because the 12 millionth candid photo of him has been released to the internet, i'm going to need for you (not literally you) to come to reality with me. he is most certainly fine even if he finds the concept of being photographed in public bothersome. and even as someone who is deeply sensitive to the fact that social anxiety and discomfort can be crippling, please remember that the man is damn near 40 years old and been in this industry for the majority of his life. he knows how to deal with it. i've said this multiple times already, but anyone reading this who disagrees and thinks a celebrity shouldn't be photographed without their knowledge and consent: you're absolutely entitled to your opinion and i respect that. but i'd be a total and complete hypocrite to sit here and tell you, while i'm running an evan peters tea and discussion blog, that i'm just outraged that a fan took a photo in an airport. i am not. we regularly engage in conversation about the darkest, most painful aspects of evan's life while we are actually strangers. why do we even know any of the things that we know? because he is a celebrity, not a private citizen.

please don't beat yourself up over this. even if you are regretful, at the end of the day, it seems like you had absolutely zero ill intentions and did nothing to bother him, or attempt to cross boundaries to be close to him in an inappropriate fashion. i'm sorry that people have taken something that made you happy and hurt no one, and turned it into something ugly. that wasn't necessary. quite frankly, within the fandom i think there are some people who feel envy that you got ''lucky'' and met evan, and that you've met him multiple times, in legitimate ways. people need to save their outrage for the ''fans'' who are quite literally acting atrociously these days and largely going unchecked. this is the last message i'm posting about this incident.

[wearyeyebrow]

Candid

Another task, another spreadsheet, another picture taken without his consent - Lucifer is wound tight. As the evening drones on he can't help but glance at the clock anticipating a night alone with you, preferably spent on his knees. NSFW. Tags under the cut.

Tags: Established relationship, Sub Lucifer, Dom MC, 2nd person perspective, they/them MC, AFAB MC, Transman Lucifer, edging, multiple orgasms, tribadism, oral sex, d/s dynamics, hurt/comfort, scene negotiation, porn with plot - do let me know if I've forgotten anything significant.

-

The student council room is quiet in the late afternoon and a great place to study. You’re sprawled out on a giant oak table cursing Solomon's illegible handwriting when footsteps echo down the corridor. You recognize the crisp click of Lucifer’s stride alongside Lord Diavolo’s heavier footfall, their voices too far away to pick up. You try not to eavesdrop, really, but they stop just outside the door left ajar.

Diavolo’s voice booms. “So the deadline snuck up on me - I’ve just been so busy with staff interviews. It’s a budgeting matter and you’re good with numbers so bringing it to your attention felt like the best place to start.”

Lucifer is quiet while scanning the papers in his hand, shuffling a few back and forth. Diavolo is childlike next to him, shifting from foot to foot.

“It’s doable but I’ll need to get started tonight if we’re going to get this in on time. The entire thing needs to be reworked…” he trails off and furrows his brow, holding the paper away from his face. You’re fondly reminded of how often he neglects to wear his glasses.

“Thank goodness! I knew I could leave it up to you.”

Lucifer only hums in acknowledgement, still squinting. The afternoon sun catches against the door and he’s set alight, beautifully framed in the archway. It’s easy to spare a drop of envy for one of God’s greatest creations, but his two-ton frown keeps most people at arm's length.

You blink at an unexpected flash, watching as Lucifer flinches at the sound of a shutter. He twists to glare at the guilty party.

“Lord Diavolo, I request you delete that immediately.”

“But it’s so rare I get a candid photo of you - it came out so well too, see - you look beautiful!”

Diavolo tries to hold up his phone but Lucifer looks just past it. “Delete it.”

“Come on Lucifer, it’s just one-"

“I’ll delete it for you if necessary.”

“But Lucifer-”

Suddenly, a third voice joins them. When or how Barbatos got there, you aren't sure, and you've long stopped asking.

“My Lord - pardon the intrusion, but your next meeting starts in ten minutes.”

“Is it that time already? Well, we’ll just have to table this conversation!”

“Lord Diav-”

“Thank you, Lucifer, for auditing the extracurricular budget, I appreciate your hard work! I’ll see you tomorrow.” Diavolo pockets his phone and takes off with Barbatos close behind.

Lucifer’s jaw is set in stone as he watches them go. Their animated chatter echoes down the hallway until they turn a corner and disappear. He clears his throat and turns to address the room. 

“Good afternoon.”

You snort. “You know, I bet I could  accidentally  delete Lord Diavolo’s entire photo gallery and he'd be none the wiser.”

"You needn't intervene on my behalf.”

“Of course I don't need to, but…” you sigh, “Do let me know, the offer’s always on the table.” You motion for him to sit and he does, closing the door behind him. He taps the documents in his hand on the tabletop, straightening the edges. Everything is in order until he thumbs through them again.

“What’s Diavolo put you up to this time?”

He doesn't look up. “I'm sure you heard enough to piece it together."

"Mm. When's it due?"

"Next Saturday."

"Don't you have a bunch of other shit to work on?"

Lucifer sighs. "It can't be helped. I'll manage." The setting sun catches against the metal rim of the window and he squints, massaging his temples.

Asking if he wants help is another way to say you don't think he can do it. His sin twists any offer of assistance into something to be ashamed of, and you know this. He also knows you know this.

You sigh, a little exasperated. "I realize that I'm talking to a brick wall here-”

“And yet you persist.”

“May I still come by tonight?”

“I…” he pauses, bowing his head in the fading afternoon sun, “I will hardly be at my best."

“I know.”

His eyes flicker to yours, softening at your gentle expression. He brushes his fingertips against your hand. "...I’ll be in my room by eleven."

-

Lucifer admonishes himself for almost nodding off again. So many numbers, so many Excel spreadsheets. He cracks his neck and continues typing, trying to make something of money the school doesn’t have.

His body is exhausted but his mind is wide awake, thoughts racing in the background, droning and cacophonous, itching and alive. He's moved to his bedroom for the evening and taken his work with him - his office is accessible, his bedroom is not. He’s kept his gloves on to avoid picking at his cuticles but he can’t help drumming them on the table, annoying himself with the sound.

He breathes a sigh of relief the second he hears a knock at his door and unlocks it with a wave of his hand, deactivating a few dozen curses.

You poke your head inside and see him at his desk, looking exactly as he did that afternoon.

"Hey.” Your voice is soft in the late hour, "How are you holding up?"

He manages a sardonic smile.

"Figures. Worse than you thought?"

"I’m surprised Excel isn’t a domestic export.”

“But it's supposed to be  so  much easier than doing it by hand.”

“Yes,” he drawls, “Easier. I just love redoing my work when it crashes - I love everything about it.”

You lean against the doorframe. “I dunno, you say that you love it, but your tone makes it sound like an anathema to all that is good in this world.”

His shoulders loosen a little when he laughs, lips curling into a slight smile. “How was your evening?"

"Not bad." You keep talking and wander over to his desk. "It was Satan's turn to cook dinner so the food was great, and Levi joined us too - oh! Mammon got a present from Luke in the mail."

"What was the occasion?"

"To hear Mammon tell it, he saved Luke from  great peril," you chuckle, "Of course, that’s not how Luke puts it. Mammon managed to get his hands on some Ursa Major Honey for Luke’s entry in the Devilsfood contest. Only the witches know how. Beel may have eaten most of his gift, though…"

"Mm, typical on all fronts." His tone is incredibly fond.

"We missed you at dinner."

"Since it was Satan's turn to cook, I doubt that."

You snort, "I saved you a plate. It's in the fridge when you want it… or until Beel eats it, I guess."

"Thank you." He sighs and sits back in his chair. “I... I’ve missed you. Solomon’s kept you busy and I’ve had so much to do - I hope you'll tell me if you ever feel neglected."

"Not neglected, just worried. When's the last time you slept properly, sweetheart?"

His face warms and he clears his throat. "I'd rather not worry you further."

"Humor me."

"...Five days, give or take."

"Lucifer…" You maneuver around to the front of his desk and lean on the edge. "I know you don't need as much sleep as I do, but you can still get sick, and your headaches won't get any better."

"Sometimes sleep is a necessary sacrifice."

"I'm well aware, doesn't mean I have to like it."

He only hums, distracted by your hand on his arm, straightening the creases of his shirt.

"I'll be forthright," you murmur, "I know how I’d like this night to go. You up for it?”

"...I was hoping you'd ask."

"You sure?" There's your hand again, this time in his hair, nails just grazing his scalp, sending pleasant tingles down his back. You're close enough now that he can smell the subtle scent of your shampoo, familiar and inviting. It sets him at ease.

"Please, stay."

“Then, leave your work for the evening. What do you say?”

His desk lamp casts a warm, orange glow over the bedroom, casting heavy, almost architectural shadow. Your features are augmented, posed in sharp relief against the muted colors of his bedroom. Merely a few seconds have passed since you asked him a question, but he already feels like he’s taken too long to answer.

“...I shall put my things away.”

You hum and give him a moment to straighten his desk, lingering just outside of his personal space. Even in the privacy of his bedroom Lucifer is impeccably dressed. You follow the crease of his pant leg down to his polished loafers. He makes every move with purpose and each thing has its place. It's only the slight tremble of his hands that gives away his fatigue.

You think back on that afternoon. After Diavolo had left, you’d seen Lucifer in your mind’s eye - the hard line of his clenched jaw softened into an expression of relief, into an expression you covet.

You breathe out slowly, trying to hide your anticipation, and walk across the floor to his bed. The covers are smooth and unwrinkled, perfectly pleated as he feels they should be. You grab one of his pillows and make sure he's watching when you place it at your feet.

He feels the weight of your stare but looking at everything still left to do makes his head hurt. He has so much to do tomorrow and so much he should have done yesterday.

Your voice cuts through the fog. “Lucifer - come here.”

He quickly places his pen in its holder, almost knocking over the inkwell, before crossing the room to meet you at the foot of his bed.

He kneels of his own volition. Your pleased smile makes his heart pound.

“I didn’t even have to ask.” You muse fondly

“How…” he swallows, “How would you like me?”

You brush your thumb against his cheek. His eyelids flutter shut and he turns toward your open palm. “I think… just like this. This is where I want you tonight, on your knees.” His face heats up but he manages to meet your half-lidded gaze.

“I’ve noticed, you know?” You say, studying his face, tilting his jaw in your hand, “You’ve had a lot of things forced on you lately. I’ve offered my help yet you refuse it. Why?

He tenses. “I am merely reaping the consequences of my own actions. I refuse to burden you with my responsibilities.”

Your brow furrows. “Okay but, what about those pictures? He knows they make you uncomfortable and I don’t like that he takes them anyway.” Your hand is soft against his cheek. “I won’t take action if you don’t want me to, I promise. I just want to understand, Lucifer. Saying you don’t know why is also acceptable.”

Lucifer eases into the comforting weight of his position beneath you. His posture sags, just slightly, and the sharpness of his brow softens. There's a faint tint of red to his cheeks. He tentatively leans forward, not meeting your eyes.

“I… I am not fond of them, but… they’re just pictures. I shouldn’t be so bothered. The less bothered I am, the less often my picture will be taken.”

“Why shouldn’t you be bothered?”

“It’s an innocuous thing. Something as small as getting one's picture taken isn’t worth getting upset over.”

“I disagree. You’re bothered by them, and it isn’t difficult to respect that by not taking your picture.”

“There are better things you could spend your time on.” He tries again, weakly, hoping it doesn’t stick.

“That’s up to me, isn’t it? Don’t I get to decide what to spend my time on?”

“Yes, of course.”

“If I can't stop him then I want to get rid of them for you.”

“I…” He looks down at his hands, “I will think about it.”

“I’ll ask you again tomorrow morning, then. I promise I’ll drop it after that.” He nods and sinks further, wanting nowhere else to be. "Don’t worry, I won't let anyone else see you like this.”

"Never?" He’s keen for one last bit of reassurance.

"Never."

You lean down to kiss him. It's lingering, gentle, and sweet. He follows when you pull back, so you kiss him again, greedy this time, to sait him, but it's not enough, never enough, and you tell him so between kisses.

"Please..." he breathes, when you finally part.

"Please what, darling?" A shudder runs through him.

"May I service you, may I  please  you, in a way that only I can?"

"And how do you want to do that?"

"I..." he swallows thickly, “I want to do whatever you ask of me."

Your gentle laugh cements him on his knees. "How could I ever say no to that?" The affection in your voice makes him dizzy. A hand slips down his jaw to direct his attention. "If at any point you object to what I ask, you will tell me - that's your first order of the night."

He nods in agreement. As with any magic, intention matters, and you want him on his knees willingly. The pact remains inactive; each time he follows an order is done of his own free will.

"Your second order..." you thumb his lower lip, "You look so good on your knees.. I want your mouth between my legs."

He swallows. "It would be my pleasure."

"Stoplight system like usual."

“Understood.”

You lean down to kiss him again. It’s heady and languid, desire bubbling just beneath your skin. When you pull back he is a picture of perfect obedience, kneeling with his hands in his lap.

You languidly place a leg over his shoulder and he kisses your knee, inner thigh, before grabbing the edge of your shorts. He doesn’t go any further, instead catching your eye. You hold him in anticipation, sizing him up, waiting for him to ask.

Finally he swallows. “...May I?”

You smile and lift your hips so he can slide them off, leaving you bare before him. He takes the time to fold them before leaning forward and kissing up your thighs, shifting forward so he can wrap his arms around your hips.

His eyes flicker upward when he takes a long, slow lick, savoring the way your breath hitches. He yearns for your approval.

“Mmm… that’s it,” You breathe, lost in a hazy moment of affection and power. Lucifer kneels before you because he wants to be here, because he chooses to be here.

He groans low in his throat and sinks his fingers into the meat of your hips, holding onto every little noise you make, tasting the salty, musky tang of your arousal. The scant stubble of his cheek rubs against the smooth texture of your inner thigh. He yearns for the way your whole body chases his mouth and rocks against his face, folds sticky and wet, groaning when you tug on his hair.

"You're so good with your tongue, fuck-" You can't hold his gaze, too lost in how it feels, throbbing while he leverages his entire body for your pleasure. He flicks his tongue just right, sliding it back and forth, only stopping to breathe, using his calloused fingers in the interim, tiny tight circles, watching how your head tilts back.

"Can't get enough of you Luci." your praise blooms in his chest and floods his body. He shudders, little sounds escaping his every exhale. 

You’re already close to the edge, but an image of him burns in your mind’s eye. 

“L-lucifer - stop.” His tight grasp on your hips is immediately gentle and tentative. He stills himself and settles back onto his heels, shoulders heaving, lips shiny.

“What’s wrong?” There's a plaintive edge to his voice, a delicious contrast with the mask of power he usually wears. It's difficult to ignore the ache between your legs.

You wrap a stray tendril of hair behind his ear. “Not yet… I want - I’ve been imagining this all day, you on your knees - I want to see it, wanna see you sweetheart. Touch yourself while you please me.”

He tenses. His mind starts to conjure an ineffable mess of images and sensations. He can't stand the way his muscles twist, the way his skin is mottled and stretched - a punishment of his own making. He deserved it after the fall. He should be better than this. He should have  been  better. His mind always questions what you'll think of him, what others will think of him. It's the antithesis of pride, shame on full display, yet he wants your eyes on him, he wants to believe in how you see him. He tries to rationalize. It doesn't matter, you've seen him before, you know him. Yet something in him screams and claws, wound tight, tight, tight.

His silence makes you pause, makes you wonder whether you should check on him, but then he breathes out slowly.

“Where would you like me to start?”

You consider him for a moment. “Take your vest off and unbutton your shirt. You may leave it on as long as it’s unbuttoned.”

His mouth is dry. He doesn’t make a show of removing his clothing but he does so dutifully and completely, staying on his knees at your feet. He folds his vest and sets it just out of reach, leaving his red button up hanging loosely from his shoulders. His face is flushed a delicate pink that travels all the way down to his chest.

“What-” he clears his throat, “What would you have me do next?”

“Take your trousers off. Remove your briefs too - and your socks.” His hands hover awkwardly over his waistband. His reluctance is obvious. 

You lean forward and kiss his temple before placing a gentle hand on his neck. Your voice is soft and warm in his ear. "Do you remember my first order? What’s your color?”

“...Yellow.”

"Good job. Do you want to leave them on?”

“I…" he exhales with great difficulty, shoulders tense, "I am not sure, I apologize.”

"Mm, what if you took off your briefs and then put your trousers back on?”

“That’s ridiculous. Why would I-”

“Would it make you feel better?” He doesn’t say anything and you can feel his cheek burn against your own. “Would it, Lucifer?”

He sighs, and the annoyance in his voice is tinged with something like relief. “Very well.”

You make a sound of agreement and then kiss his neck before drawing back to your full height.

“Briefs off, then. Put your trousers back on but leave your fly open and belt off.”

You give him privacy by turning around and adjusting the pillows behind you, waiting until you hear him still.

You’re met with the sight of his pink, flushed cheeks. The heavy meat of his chest is partly hidden by his open shirt. You follows the delicate trail of hair leading from his navel to the dark curls between his legs, just visible in his open trousers.

“Look at you -” you breathe, “ Fuck  - you look good.”

He’s caught between pride and shame. He’s dizzy, his heart is hammering in his chest, and he wants to tell you exactly what you’re doing to him. The throbbing between his legs is almost unbearable. He wants to beg. He wants to touch you, he wants your hands on him, but he can’t, he can’t. Everything is too tight, too tense, his mind is too  fast-

“Please - “ he whispers, before he can stop himself, “Tell me what to do. Give me an order.”

"What do you want, Lucifer? How do you want to feel good?”

"It does not matter what I want.”

Your gaze softens as you consider him, leaning down to kiss his temple. You speak low in his ear. "It always matters what you want. Answer me.” You kiss his neck and he whines a desperate little  "oh-"  shuddering as he inhales, delicate and wanting, before resting his forehead on your shoulder.

“I…” he licks his lips, “I want you to use me as you see fit.”

You kiss the shell of his ear. "You’re sweet and submissive just for me, aren’t you baby?” He nods, unable to voice it, unable to touch it, but he can acknowledge it and that’s good enough. “I want you back between my legs, but this time I want you to touch yourself while you please me. I want to hear you. What do you say?”

He whimpers. “Yes - I...” He pulls back from your shoulder and shifts down onto his knees between your open legs.

Your hand runs through a few strands of his hair. “Touch yourself for me, gently, slowly. Wanna see you feel it.”

One of his calloused hands disappears into his unbuttoned trousers. He sucks in a breath, eyes fluttering shut.

“That’s it… slow circles.” You lick your lips and savor his soft keening. “I want to take my time with you tonight.”

He’s already a little breathless.

“Mm…” You start to play with yourself, getting off to the image in front of you. Lucifer on his knees, stroking his clit at your command, a beautiful, willing submissive.

“May I…?” His eyes dart to your folds, wet and glistening, just a few inches away from his mouth.

You ignore him. “How do you feel?”

“G-good, ah - I-” he keeps his eyes on your, groaning when you part your lips. His breath is hot against your.

“What do you want, Lucifer? Be specific.”

“May I please you while I - while I touch myself?” His face burns.

“Good man… go ahead.”

“Thank you.” He breathes. You shift your hips forward to meet his tongue. He groans when they connect, dipping his tongue inside of you, breathing harshly through his nose, mouth open wide, lips wet. He’s rocking his hips into his own hand, legs spread, sinking lower.

“That feel good, baby?” You whisper.

He moans what sounds like an affirmative.

“You’re stunning…” You run a hand through his hair, “So fucking perfect-" your chest constricts at the way he looks at you, up through his lashes, completely adoring. “You make me so…  fuck  I wanna come. Make me come?”

You can barely see his irises, his perfect hair tousled and thrown to the side. He pulls away, just for a second, just long enough to whisper a desperate  please. 

“Fffuck - Luci- baby…” You fall onto your back and let the pleasure wash over you. He knows just what you like best and his little noises spur you on.

Your whispered praises and directions flood his mind. He’s dripping onto his own hand, viscous fluid staining the inside of his trousers. He revels in how you writhe above him, in the heady taste and smell of your arousal - all because of him. He throbs and he wants this, he wants to feel your release, to hear more, more. He moans when you grab his hair, needy and wanton, suddenly muffled by your cunt as you starts to fuck his face.

“Keep - right there, right there-!” He does exactly as you’ve instructed, doubling down, licking your clit just right, and finally you tense, muscles tight, before an elastic  snap  washes over you, throbbing and lingering, a wet sweltering heat. He takes his time, just how you like, gently licking as you come down.

Your chest heaves and you drop your tight grip on his hair, instead running your fingers through it. Soft praises leave your mouth, syrupy sweet, too good for him, but he relishes in it, still touching himself on his knees.

There are a few minutes of blissful calm as you catch your breath, before sitting up to place a hand on his cheek. Your hazy expression meets his own. “So good at making me come, so good on your knees - thank you.” He leans into your hand and his flushed, red lips press into your skin.

“So gorgeous,” you whisper, “Still touching yourself… You need me baby?”

He nods into your leg, now completely doubled over. He shivers at your soft hands on the back of his neck. “When was the last time you made yourself feel good?”

“Weeks at least,” he murmurs, surprising himself with how easily he answers.

“Oh sweetheart…” he throbs at the sincere affection in your voice. “I want you to take some time for yourself, for some stress relief, even when I’m not there. Especially then.”

He starts to shake, now resting his weight against your calf, head bent between your thighs.

“Lucifer… let me look at you.”

He slowly raises his head with purpose. The plaintive, needy look in his eyes makes your heart stutter.

“Come here, Lucifer.” You pull him forward into a kiss, leading until you’re both standing. The blood rushes to his head and he sways a little, but you hold him steady. He shivers when you lean in close and kiss his neck, hands wandering from his shoulders back down to squeeze his ass.

“Mm… I want you on your back.” He does as he’s told, settling where you’ve arranged the pillows. You crawl over him, shadows falling across your body, stunning and ethereal above him.

You kiss his jugular and his breath hitches when you slide your tongue up his neck. He's achingly conscious of the hands on his hips and your breath in his ear.

“You need me?”

“Yes,” He whispers, arms wrapped around your back, feeling your skin flush against his.

“I love you like this. Love you all the time but…” he’s so wanting and open and  vulnerable , “I wanna find out just how wet you are, wanna make you feel incredible. You want that?” His pulse is racing.

He wraps his arms around your back, dragging his blunt nails up your spine. He breathes in deeply, nose pressed into your neck, nodding yes, yes.

You lean to the side and trail your hand down his belly, stopping at his waistband. You wait there for him.

He swallows, voice cracking. “Go ahead."

He lifts his hips and you pull his trousers down, dropping them off the side of the bed. Your hands settle on his thighs while your eyes wander.

He glistens. Sticky, viscous fluid string between his parted legs. His curls are damp and stick to his lips, clit heavy and swollen, flushed red. He’s taken by the way your breath catches, pushing him away from the edge of doubt. You did this to him. He trusted you to do this to him, to make him wet, to make him ache.

You catch his eyes as you straddle him, hovering just over his clit. He reaches for your hips.

“Above your head.” He reluctantly retracts, stretching his arms above to grasp onto the pillows. His chest arches forward, face flushed, and beads of sweat line his forehead. He’s quivering, dripping wet, but he obeys and withstands. The way you look at him makes the room fade into the background and muffles his every passing thought.

You grasp his waist and lower yourself, adjusting until you find it, until you brush his clit with your own  just right.

He gasps, eyes squeezing shut, and you groan. His clit is hard, brushing through your folds with every gentle thrust.

“Yes…” he sighs in relief, fists clenching into the fabric above him.

You've been sated by your first orgasm, able to focus on his pleasure. The pace you set is slow, feeling him slick against you. 

“I…”

“You want something, Luci?”

His chest is blotchy, mouth dry, panting. “More - I… faster, please-” You continue at a slow, steady pace.

“Missed this sight,” You whisper, lips kiss-bitten and full above him.

He aches to say every passing saccharine word, dripping with pride at how you make him feel, how you look, who you are. He feels a cool hand on his cheek. “I think I’ll let you simmer. How long can you hold off for me, I wonder?”

“As - as long as you desire,” he breathes.

“Then tell me when you’re close.” You speed up, just enough to make his head tilt back into the cushions. His biceps flex as he fights to stay still, to stay exactly as he’s been instructed.

You lean forward and starts fucking him faster, panting and reveling in the way he starts to writhe.

“I’m… ah - I’m getting close-” You hum in acknowledgement and keep going until you hear a familiar rise in the deep pitch of his voice, and feel the way his body tenses.

“There- I-!” You still.

“No-! No, fuck,  please- ”

“Not yet baby, not yet,” you pant in his ear, “Hold it back…” and smile at his trembling effort. “Focus on how it feels to be denied what you need so badly.”

You pull back and he groans at the translucent, sticky fluid that stretches between you. You sit on his thighs.

“Look at you… so needy and wet - you want my fingers, sweetheart?”

“Yes, yes please-” his chest heaves as he starts to forget himself.

It's after the third edge that he really starts to beg. He is held in place by your gentle fingers, letting him whine, watching him finally let go. It’s not enough, not enough and then too much, until it only takes a few small circles to get him close, until he's whispering  please, please, please  under his breath, as you bring him to the edge and back again.

His perfectly pleated sheets are a mess and his legs are spread wide before you. He can’t think and it’s utter bliss. Your soft fingers tease him, pushing the hood of his clit up and over the head, back down again, and again, watching him twitch. He's torn between keeping his eyes shut and looking directly at the erotic sight of your hand jerking him off.

“That feel good? Answer me, Luci.”

“So - so fucking good, so - keep-!” You smile, savoring him like this. “I’m - I’m close, oh there - please there-” he begs, gasping, whining, but you pull back just when you feel him start to tense, leaving him just on the edge without anything to push him over.

“No, no, no I was - I was there, please keep going,  please-!”  He pitifully tries to hump your hand, wanting anything, any more friction, he was so close, so agonizingly close.

You drag your finger just over the tip of his clit and he sobs.

“What do you want, darling?”

“I want - I want to come, I need - please make me come, please,  please-”  His eyes are misty, his cheeks are red, and hair is a tousled mess. He can only feel and want and beg, overwhelmed by the feeling of your fingers still stroking his clit, but it's not enough, not enough. He wrenches his head to the side and covers his eyes with his forearm.

“That’s it Luci, let go - tell me..." He shivers and jolts at your fingers on his abdomen, tracing up his belly. “You need it, baby?”

“Yes,” he whimpers, “Yes, please, I need - I need it.”

You shift down his body, nails soothing over the tops of his thighs. Just as he removes his forearm you finally lick his clit. He gasps, before whining, high pitched and utterly debauched. He covers his mouth, embarrassment flooding his cheeks, but you rub your thumbs into his thighs.

“Wanna hear more of that,” you whisper, “Wanna make you come, since you asked so nicely, since you’re doing so well for me.”

He tilts his head back when you start licking his oversensitive clit. His thighs tremble.

Finally, finally you wrap your lips around him and suck. His clit is heavy and thick in your mouth, full and swollen.

“Yeesss, yes, yes…”

He sobs your name, feeling himself clench,  “- shit-!”  You suck hard and it takes all your strength to hold his hips against the bed. He thrashes, white knuckling the sheets. “Oh fuck - yes I’m - there, there, please -  please -!”

You keep going, just as promised, sucking and licking, exactly how he needs, for just as long as he needs. His voice gets higher and higher, breathy, tensing, toes cracking until all is still and he freezes, forehead touching the pillows behind him, neck delicately exposed, and he lets go.

“ Yesss  … ohhhh fffuck,  fuck yes , yes-!” He sobs with deep seated relief, euphoria flushing his body.

You want him to linger in it, to feel tension dissipate as the embers die down and warm his body. He gasps, writhing as his entire body jerks with intermittent aftershocks. You hold him there for as long as you can, sweet caresses of his clit, doing your best not to overstimulate him, to let him down gently.

As his body starts to relax you kiss his inner thighs and nuzzle into his skin, tracing your nails over his legs. His breathing slows as exhaustion matures into a hazy comforting wading pool, until the world spins in slow motion and he's finally still. You slowly slide up his body, taking him in. His half-lidded eyes follow you, face slack, lips curled into a barely there smile, genuine and gentle. The hand on his cheek is met warmly.

“Good job love,” you whisper, “So good for me. You okay?”

He licks his lips and leans up with just enough energy to meet you. You guide him back down and kiss him like he deserves, whispering little affirmations between them. It’s like he’s floating in a space of unreality and he lets himself linger, for just a bit, enjoying the way he can quietly give and receive a softness he’d forgotten he was capable of.

You gently run your hands over his skin and he does the same, tilting when you kiss his neck, sighing when you kiss just under his ear. You lay there for an indeterminate amount of time, until one of you starts to recognize the sound of a clock ticking. You nuzzle against his sweaty skin.

“Wanna get cleaned up? I don’t feel like a shower tonight but I’ll take one if you want.”

“Washcloth is fine,” he murmurs.

“Okay.” You kiss his temple and then reluctantly slide off the bed and head for the bathroom. You pee and clean yourself up a little bit before returning to him with a washcloth in hand.

He’s slowly unfolding another comforter, back in his discarded trousers and unbuttoned shirt.

You come up behind him and kiss his shoulder. “M’sorry, I forgot to put a towel down.” He shrugs, still a little out of it, eyes glazed over.

You let him finish before having him sit in front of you, gently wiping his face clean as he leans into your hand.

“I’ll get changed,” he murmurs, faded and wobbly. You give him his privacy in the bathroom and change into a pair of pajamas left in his room for nights like these. He returns wearing his own and immediately sinks into bed. You roll onto your back, beckoning him, and he settles into your side.

After a few moments of peaceful silence, Lucifer speaks. His voice is muffled against your skin.

“If you do decide to delete those pictures you’ll have to do it twice - once in his phone and once in his backup.”

“Mm. Why don’t I pick Leviathan’s brain - I want it to be permanent.”

“Might as well be if you’re going through the trouble.”

“It isn’t trouble.”

The tension in his body slowly dissipates, yielding the enormity of his weight.

“Then… I’ll let you take care of it."

[theloversarchive]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧Subject: Booking Lash Extensions (For Beginners!)

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧Girls Guide #: 1

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧Audience: Those who want to try Lash Extensions but don't know where to start

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧Purpose: I have seen and heard such unfortunate stories about people's first lash appointments, so I wanted to create a guide for those who might be nervous or have had a bad experience. Think of this as a 'What to Watch Out For' or a 'Standards' guide from a girl who is well-versed as a client in this world!

By: The Lovers Archive

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧Step 1: Finding a Lash Tech

The easiest way to find a trusted Lash Tech is by word of mouth. If you have friends in the beauty industry, ask them! Even if they aren't related to the lash industry specifically, the chances they know of some good Lash Techs are quite high. I personally found my current girl through my Nail Tech.

If you don't have friends/mutuals in the beauty industry or word of mouth just isn't feasible, here's what to do:

I search for the right Lash Tech through social media, I found my first Lash Tech on Instagram and stayed with her for a year! For me, it’s important that they have an Instagram and/or Tiktok. This shows me that they are passionate about their work and it makes me want to trust them. The content I look for are things like: lash maps, examples of their relationship with their clients (reviews, bloopers, etc.), sharing their journey, and more. It doesn't need to be videos or any crazy content, but just something.

Seeing a Lash Tech's personality through their content is very important to me and can help me determine who I would mesh with best!

Look out for Instagram Highlights like: Client Reviews (do they have only one highlight for reviews, or multiple bc there are so many?), Client Cams, Lash Retention, Policies (are they clear? Is there a policy you haven't seen on any other page? Does anything look off?)

Additionally, prices can help determine who and who not to trust. I'm in Canada and I like seeing lash prices in between $90-$110.

(Lash Techs without social media can, of course, still be trusted, but when you're trying to find one for the first time, it feels a lot more secure when you can see their work and some of their personality.)

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧Step 2: Which Lash Style is Which?

I remember feeling very uncertain about the name of the style I wanted. I wanted one thing but the Lash Tech I chose didn't have that specific style listed. Typically, you see options like 'Classic', 'Light Volume', 'Half Volume', 'Full Volume', 'Mega Volume', while you might be looking at inspo pics that are called things like 'Wet Lash', 'Wispy', etc.

Now, of course you should be taking some of these inspo pics to your new Lash Tech so you're both on the same page. However, booking under the correct service is simply to allocate appropriate time for the style you're looking for.

L: Classic , R: Light Volume

L: Medium Volume, M: Full Volume, R: Mega Volume

Generally, these are the different levels of volume. To figure which one you want the most, search the different volumes on Pinterest and just scroll away. As for finding wet lash or wispy looks, search things like 'Light Volume Wet Lash Extensions' or 'Full Volume Wispy Lash Extensions'.

Once you have determined which volume level you like, select that on the booking site. Make sure to bring inspo pics to the appointment!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧Step 3: The First Appointment!

The first lash extensions appointment can be both exciting and/or nerve-wracking. Because you took your time and you did you research finding a trusted Lash Technician, there is no need to worry. At all!

Here's what to expect.

Waivers:

Every Lash Technician I have seen has required me to sign some type of waiver. These things can include warnings about possible allergic reactions, the caring process of your lashes, and sometimes a consent form for photos/videos for their social media. On every single lash extensions waiver I have seen there has been a line that speaks about the risks of getting them. These include (but are not limited to) potential allergies, irritation, and blindness. In storytimes of botched lash appointments or lash appointment horror stories, I've seen comments say that a waiver including that information is a red flag, when it actually is not. This waiver is simply to protect your Lash Tech's business from people who are not looking out for their best interest. It's sucks but it's necessary. It also promotes a more informed decision when choosing whether or not to get them or come back for a fill. This is why it is important to take your time when choosing the Lash Tech that is right for you.

Eye Pads:

After the waiver you will be guided to their station. I recommend watching videos of different Lash Technicians preparation. This can help give you a glimpse into what you can expect. Typically for the first five mins they will be putting pads under your eyes, usually taping them down. Sometimes, depending on the Tech's experience, they may also include tape onto the eyelid either at the beginning or during the service to reach difficult places like the inner corner or, for fuller volume styles, to lift the extensions to reach another layer.

The pads are extremely important as they will stop any burning sensation (we'll get to that later!)

Duration:

Applying a full set of lash extensions is a time consuming process. For quality work, expect to spend 2-2.5 hours for that very first appointment.

I have ADHD and it's difficult to stay still for those initial appointments, sometimes even my fills. I've discovered that going into the appointment with a fully stretched body can help you relax and stay still for a longer period of time. I make sure to stretch for 5-10 mins before I leave for my appointment so that my back doesn't get sore. Additionally, if you need to sit up and stretch during your appointment, that's fine! Because you did your research and chose a professional, they totally get it and literally don't care at all.

As mentioned in nearly every Lash Tech's policies, do not consume caffeine on that day until after your appointment. Not only can this cause eye twitching, which makes your Tech's job much more difficult, but it can make you restless and want to move.

If you choose to go back for a fill, you can expect a quality appointment to take at least 1 hour.

Potential Burning Sensation *IMPORTANT*:

While there may be some mild discomfort during the very first appointment, there should be absolutely no prolonged burning sensation. If there is, communicate this with your Lash Tech. Sometimes, even during a fill many appointments after your first one, eye pads can move around. Even millimetres and simply because you're talking, laughing, or smiling. The movement of these eye pads are typically what cause the burning sensation so once this has been communicated, your Lash Tech should adjust them. Do not hesitate to share this. Sometimes, for first-timers, there can be more discomfort and the best solution is for the Lash Tech to use their fan to dry the glue.

Additionally, never open your eyes unless your Lash Tech tells you to. The burning sensation can happen even if you open your eyes for the tiniest flash. I've seen and heard horror stories where the client (while definitely experiencing a botched situation) was taking videos of themselves with open eyes during the service. This is not safe, so don't do it! Again, it's so, so, important to keep up communication with your tech.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧Step 4: Feeling and After Care

Your finished lashes will feel much heavier than what you're used to, but there should not be any 'pain'/discomfort. You should be able to blink, keep your eyes closed, and squint easily, even if it feels odd and different. If there is a poking feeling, this is mostly likely from a lash fan being place too close to the lash line. Message your Lash Tech and they should be able to fix it for you.

Taking care of your lashes is important, fr. If you aren't washing them everyday... Girl, they just won't look good.

Many Lash Techs sell their own lash shampoo, that's where I get mine. If yours doesn't, they'll be able to point you in the right direction.

Make sure you bring a spoolie with you everywhere! I ended up tossing a single spoolie (cut straw to cover the bristles) in each of my bags, so that no matter what, I always had one. Lashes get messed up during the day, take care of them!

Your Lash Tech should have (either on their website or their social media) something that shares who Lash Extensions would be good for and also shows clients how to care of their lashes between appointments. Make sure you have read it before you even book.

For best practice, book your appointments consistently so you can keep your lashes looking good. Don't wait until the last minute to book. Many Lash Tech's have a policy in regards to their fills.

Additionally, the first few times you get your lashes are gonna be kind of experimental. During the wait for your next fill, you'll be able to see how the lash density or style works with your face and eye shape, and if the lashes are too heavy or not. My natural lashes have become much stronger with the protection of my extensions, but they're still thin compared to others. While I love full volume, I recently switched to half volume so that I could achieve the cat-eye look without fear of droopiness in the outer corner!! If you don't know how much weight your lashes can hold, bring it up with your tech and have that conversation.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧Step 5: Fall Out

People lose 3-5 lashes per day, so you can expect to see some longer lashes around your place. There is usually a tiny bit more fall out than usual on the very first fill day, but it should chill out pretty soon. If there is excessive fall out, contact your Lash Tech--with a light heart, always assume it was a product malfunction instead of the Tech themselves, it almost always is something easily fixed--and see what their solution is. Most Lash Techs I know offer a free fill--within the week of it's occurrence--because they know it rarely happens (also something to look for when finding a Lash Tech!)

That's all for now! If you have any questions or there is something you think I should add, feel free to visit the Post Office!

Good luck, and I hope you love your new lashes!

(Upcoming Girls Guides: Quality Acrylic Nails, Conquering Body Dysmorphia, Realistic Routines)

[arlechinav-blog]

Trancework Requires Monitors

(Just to confuse you, I have added a photo of a drummer--who is not a monitor, nor are they capable of doing these two jobs at once. Pretty pic though. lol)

If you have not yet read my post on roles in traditional group trancework, here is the link so you have a little background. This post is complicated because it involves amateur diagnostic work. In an ideal scenario, you would learn about these things in person from a qualified person who could show you the nuanced differences between spiritual needs and medical needs in a hands-on, experiential way. It is nearly impossible to truly get this information and understand it from reading about it alone.

However, I am very much aware that people do go out and perform trancework and attempt to reconstruct ancient ecstatic traditions on their own without any guidance apart from text, intuition, and conviction. And I have seen the injuries that result from this sink-or-swim style of trancework. If I can give you any kind of leg up, heads up, or framework to help you, I would like to do so. So, please accept this information in the spirit that it is being provided--which is good faith. Use your common sense. Defer to medical professionals when it comes to medical needs. And for those of you reading this who are medical professionals in some capacity, think of the entranced like sleep walkers and go from there. As always, talk to your doctor about these kinds of activities if you have a medical condition that may be impacted by changing elevation, altered states of consciousness, physical exertion, allergies, etc. And also be aware that every living trancework tradition has roles for different ages and abilities. This is not for the able bodied alone but thoughtful care does need to be put into how things get done. Also be aware that some traditions out there place an emphasis on the spiritual value of self-harm--a few Catholic practices come to my mind on that. So, not everything that is traditional is benevolent or even harmless. Be careful, be aware, and take care of each other. Do not ever feel pressured into doing something that you are not comfortable with. If any of the advice that you read here sounds weird, reach out to me and I can walk you through it or you can walk me through something I may not know myself. Oral traditions are far more interactive than books because you get to ask questions and get answers. We can mutually learn from each other. Utilize this opportunity. Now onto the info! Brace yourself for a particularly long post.

 A monitor is someone who takes care of the entranced, usually a dancer who has gone into a state of trance.

A monitor is kind of like a bodyguard or personal assistant for a trance dancer. They hang out in the background most of the time and don’t do much until they are needed. One monitor is better than none but I prefer to always have two on hand whenever possible. A monitor can be someone who just enjoys doing that job and it is all they ever do during trance ceremonies. They can also be a supportive friend or family member who knows the drill. Or they can even be dancers who have not tranced yet who want to help out before they get their turn. The most important thing is that a monitor should always secure consent to do the job before any part of the ritual begins. This is a bodycare role so talk about it and find out what the person you will be monitoring is comfortable with. Stick to it. Informed consent is key to this.

*Dancers who have already tranced during that session really should not serve as monitors because they will be trance drunk. Monitors need to be sober.

(Pictured: Just a night out with the squad. Don't worry about it.)

I have compiled some advice for those who are interested in doing trancework of any kind, especially ecstatic dance. There are some tools you will need to do the job. So, let's get that list out of the way.

A monitor’s toolkit includes:

-White flat sheets. These can be used to stretch between a dancer and an obstacle, used to cover a dancer when they are done trancing, and used to subdue a dancer who has become “full of spirit”--if they need it.  

-Scented water. Rose water or Orange blossom water are great. This is used to cool down the dancer’s forehead and limbs when they are done trancing. It helps them to come back/revive. 

-Wake-up oil. I use a blend of cedar, rosemary, cloves, and something strong like eucalyptus or cinnamon. The monitor covers their fingers with it and then wipes the nose of the entranced after they have been sheeted and sprinkled with scented water. Check in with the people you are monitoring to see if they have a preference and if they have allergies that should factor into what you use here.

-Food & Water. Eating and drinking happen away from the rug so once the dancer is awake enough to move, the monitor can offer food and water. Bread is good, chocolate is also good. I like to have a couple bites of roasted chicken or fancy cheese but everybody has their preference. 

-Medications. If the entranced person that you will be monitoring requires medications for conditions such as asthma or something, the monitor should have those things in pocket when they begin so they don’t have to go looking for them should their charge need them. 

Useful skills to hone!

The key trait of a good Monitor is empathy. To perform their jobs well, they have to be able to reach into the entranced’s body language to retrieve information about what is going on. The Monitor is up close to the entranced when needed, sometimes stepping onto the rug to help them. Understanding what the entranced feels & what they are going through, helps the Monitor to become better at their job.

A Monitor needs to be familiar with the behaviors of an entranced individual to be able to differentiate normal behavior from distressed behavior. The vast majority of the time, the job is easy and there isn’t much to it. Occasionally entranced dancers will do strange things but how do you know what is within the spectrum of normal and what is actual distressed behavior?

I made you this handy little guide so that you don't have to learn from the disaster that is trial-and-error. Hopefully.

The Normal Job

Keep outsiders from disturbing the entranced. Nobody should come up and touch your charge, or try to get their attention, or yell at them, or hand them things, or take things away from them, etc. Interrupting a person who is in a trance can make that person nauseous or sick. It is also physically and emotionally damaging. It fricken hurts! Don't let it happen.

Remove things that your trance dancer sheds without disturbing their movement. Usually this is jewelry, sometimes this is clothing that has come off, hair clips, that sort of thing. Just move it out of the way quickly and quietly, without disruption, and put it somewhere safe.

Keep the entranced from knocking into others who are entranced (if you are doing group work), obstacles, and other random hazards. This is more of an issue outdoors or in small spaces. You can do this by stretching out a flat sheet and holding it taught to separate the entranced from the obstacle. You will need 2 monitors to pull that off.

Once your dancer has PTFO���d: (PTFO = Passed the eff out.) Place the flat sheet over their body and apply light massaging pressure to their limbs, sprinkle their exposed skin (hands and forehead) with scented water, take your time, and follow up with the wake-up oil to the nose.

Help the entranced get up and get them to a safe place where they can be wide eyed for a while. After they wake from PTFO it takes a while for their senses to return so you may end up sitting with them for some time unless you are needed back on the rug. Make sure they are safe before you return to work.

(This is what PTFO care looks like. Be a gentle and supportive human. Trancework is labor.)

Reading Entranced Body Language

Understanding the hidden body language in the structure of trancework requires an experiential familiarity with it. Reading about it can help to prepare you for it but you have to see it and do it to really understand what is going on. Make peace now with the fact that trance is weird and wonderful in its own special way.

Normal Behavior. Acceptable behavior for a trance dancer consists of all kinds of strange things. It may look disturbing but if it isn’t harmful, just carry on as normal and everyone can muse over it later.

1. Bending back and forth rapidly. This might look painful, but it’s quite normal and a seasoned dancer probably won’t even experience muscle ache afterwards.

2. Screaming, yelling, or crying while clearly entranced. This one normally causes concern in inexperienced onlookers, but trancing can be a deeply emotional experience, or it may be that the dancer is simply releasing excess energy. Occasionally, a dancer may even make weird breathing or animal noises, it is all totally normal. If the person you are monitoring wakes up and starts doing these things, that is completely different and you can render care as normal. But as long as they are still in the magic floppy zone, this is just energy moving around.

3. Dropping to the ground suddenly. Know the difference between this and a fall. Dancers regularly throw themselves on the ground and dance on their knees or back, even dramatically collapsing at the conclusion of a ritual (PTFO). If a dancer doesn’t look troubled by it, then don’t worry about it. However, if the entranced trips and falls, the lead musician should just steady the music. They will come around if they need to.

4. Sitting around bobbing their head. If a dancer starts doing this after they have been in a trance for a while, it does not mean that they are fatigued. It normally indicates that they are in a fairly deep trance. The music will need to add some zing to get them going again so this is a lead musician fix. The lead musician should up the tempo or try a different rhythm. Monitors can't really do much about it.

5. Talking. If a dancer starts talking while entranced, only an actual official Guide should engage them in conversation. Never talk to the entranced, you will only encourage it. This is exclusively ecstatic territory. It is perfectly fine to let a dancer chatter as much as they want but only a Guide is qualified to carry on a dialog. If the entranced starts swearing or babbling in gibberish, definitely seek the aid of a Guide at the completion of the session. That whole thing requires a different kind of trance ritual and everyone involved will have to consent to performing it. No spontaneous ecstatic rituals without consent.

6. Speaking in tongues. This is a possible symptom of possession but it just as naturally occurs on its own. Just proceed as normal. Ignore. See above.

7. Shaking fiercely. Occasionally, the entranced will do what looks like a full body extended shiver. This is another way of melting off excess energy. It is actually supposed to be good luck if this occurs. This is very different from a seizure or a body tremor. Experience will help you learn the difference.

8. Bending backwards. Not all dancers are as flexible as gymnasts, so when they start moving in a way that they ordinarily can’t (such as bending backwards at the waist until their head touches the ground) most people familiar with that person tend to become concerned. During an altered state of consciousness the body is unimaginably loose, and it can go far beyond the limited movements of its conscious state. Even those with arthritis or fibromyalgia can achieve this kind of flexibility, they are just not fully awake to enjoy it. They may or may not feel it the next day. ***

Troubled Behavior. Some trance dancers are having trouble descending into a trance. Either they can’t relax or something isn’t clicking right. Occasionally you will meet someone who isn’t really even trying or is hamming it up for what they think is an audience. A good lead musician can spot the difference and they will handle it with music.

1. Stealing frequent glances at others. This can be fixed with a blindfold or they can leave the rug.

2. Attempts to communicate with others while on the rug. If they are awake enough to be communicating, not simply talking while entranced, then they are awake enough to leave the rug.

3. Overly showy dance moves that require great concentration. If they are awake enough to put on a show, they are awake enough to leave the rug.

4. Frequently changing outfits or rearranging themselves before their turn on the rug and during. If the dancer is on the rug while doing it, just let it go unless it becomes problematic. It can take some time for trance dancers to learn to let go of concern for how they look. Be encouraging during off-the-rug time. This issue is about trust and patience. 

5. Dramatic behavior or symptoms of possession. Trance dancers who have a spirit have a separate kind of ritual that they go through for a reason. Their trances tend to be more violent than a normal trance ritual can handle. If this is a thing for one particular dancer, they need to trance exclusively in spiritwork oriented rituals with a qualified group who understands their needs. Handle it as a monitor should in the moment and then talk about it openly as a group at a later time. There is no shame in it, we all need what we need. ***

Distressed Behavior. Distressed trance dancers are having trouble trancing for some reason, possibly due to improper music or the simple inability to reach beyond a certain point. When a dancer is distressed, the lead musician will handle it with music. Monitors should keep in mind that a distressed dancer on the rug may be sore the next day. 

1. A lack of energy. The dancer just doesn’t seem to be following the music. It may be the wrong rhythm or song for them.

2. Signs of deep concentration in the lines of the face, accompanied by tight body movements. This indicates that the dancer is trying too hard and is not relaxed enough to descend properly. Trust, relaxation, practice, stretching or massage before trance, or participating in a catalyst trance ceremony could all work but those are long term solutions to work on off-the-rug.

3. Returning to their basic stance and techniques repeatedly. This indicates an inability to remain in an altered state, most likely due to the current rhythm or some kind of distraction. Not much you can do aside from being encouraging and supportive off the rug.

4. Slowly shuffling with little or no body movement. This means that the dancer is plugged in deeply, but needs the tempo raised to become more animated. ***

Potentially Dangerous Behavior. Trance dancers who give off danger signs are likely in some kind of peril and need help. A monitor can step in at any time they feel that something dangerous is going on but it would be best to make eye contact with the lead musician so that they know. This allows everyone to work together to get the dancer through whatever they are going through safely. This almost never happens but you should be ready for it anyway.

1. Collapsing suddenly and becoming non-responsive. If the dancer suddenly goes limp in the middle of a trance ritual with no outward signs leading up to the collapse, there is a serious problem. The Monitor needs to get to them quickly and feel for vital signs while the lead musician slows the music down. Someone needs to be poised to get the dancer some real medical attention if the Monitor is not satisfied with the dancer’s condition. The Monitor should check for a pulse and breathing, and attempt to rouse the dancer. This needs to be done very quickly. If the dancer does not wake and say, “I’m fine,” the Monitor should take steps to get the dancer proper medical care from a professional. If the dancer has a known medical condition that this fits, initiate their personal medical plan (that was discussed before trancework ever began).

2. Going into a seizure. A seizure looks very different from a collapse or a full-body shiver. You can gain a working familiarity for the ways that different types of seiures present by watching videos on YouTube. There are multiple kinds and there are different strategies for them as well. Taking a first aid course would also be really helpful and practical. A good Monitor should have a first aid background for occasions such as this so that they know what steps to take. If the dancer has a known history of seizures, they should not be doing trancework like this. Hopefully someone present will have medication or a standard procedure to go by. If no known history exists, call for medical help and be advised by a professional on what to do next.

3. Serious Bleeding. If the dancer begins to bleed and it is more than a light scratch, the lead musician should slow the music down and the Monitor should attempt to rouse them as normal. Even if the dancer does not seem to be in any pain, they should probably still wake up for medical assessment. If a dancer seriously cuts themselves while trancing, the Monitor’s first concern is to stop the bleeding with pressure while the lead musician keeps the music slow and steady. If the bleeding cannot be stopped, they need to get to a place of more advanced medical care. Tiny scrapes are not much cause for concern, and they are not worth waking the dancer over. Just use good judgment.

4. Panicked, jerking movements. If the dancer starts to panic while entranced, they need soothing music or they may hyperventilate and faint. There are a number of things that could cause a fear reaction; identifying the cause comes secondary to finding the solution. The Monitor should move nearby, just in case the dancer passes out, so that someone can catch them before they fall and really hurt themselves. If the soothing music does not help and they start going wild, they will need to be wrapped up in a sheet like a baby and that could take 2-3 Monitors to pull off. Once they are awake, the Monitor should follow their empathy and PTFO formula to calm and soothe. This can also be an indication that they need a different kind of ritual at a later date.

5. Sudden change from a loose dance posture to alert and unfamiliar dance behaviors. If the dancer goes from a perfectly normal trance experience to something completely out of character for them, they have either gone in deep or they need a guide.  Watch them and look for other cues. If it is not immediately dangerous, let them continue. If they start going wild, they will need to be wrapped up in a sheet like a baby and that could take 2-3 Monitors to pull off. Once they are awake, the Monitor should follow their empathy and PTFO formula to calm and soothe. This can also be an indication that they need a different kind of ritual at a later date. 6. Displays signs of a known medical condition. I am asthmatic. If I am trancing and I start to have an asthma attack, I may not be in the right frame of mind to make responsible decisions about my health. If my Monitor notices it, I would want them to hold up my inhaler as a sign to those watching that I need my medication. The lead musician would then slow the music down, the Monitor would go through the PTFO response if I am dazed, and THEN, while on the rug, offer me my medication. Having a medical issue like that does not make trance impossible and an attack is not necessarily a dangerous situation unless it is left untreated. If you have a medical condition that could be a problem, then make a battle plan with your Monitor before trancing.

7. Hitting Their Head. Sometimes an entranced dancer will start engaging in a headbanging-like movement. This can really hurt the supportive muscles of the neck and they will probably be sore for a while afterward. There isn't much you can do about it in the moment but you can have a conversation before trancing starts to work out a game plan. Ask the dancer if they want you to stop them if they should do that. Otherwise, use your own judgment in situ. If the headbanging looks like it is going to turn into head bashing against the floor, you can slip a pillow under their head if it is on the gentle side. If it is clearly too aggressive, the music needs to be slowed down and the entranced needs to be gently roused. The long term fix for this is for the dancer to train to move in a different way while fully conscious and just building up some muscle memory with those alternative movements. This goes for any potentially harmful movement.

Fire in the Disco!

The vast majority of the time trancework is chill and pretty simple. I have done a lot of trancework in my life. At my peak I think I was trancing about 3-4 times per week. And in my 30+ years doing this, I have only had a dangerous situation pop up a handful of times. The most common injury being people who dance around a bonfire and inevitably fall into it. The only kind of trancework that can be "safely" (as safe as it can be) done around a bonfire would be a group circle/chain dance. Solo dancers orbiting flames do weird things and I have zero trust that they can keep themselves out of the fire 100% of the time. If there is fire present anywhere where trancework is taking place, you had better have burn care materials on hand and a protocol in place for handling burns. Be prepared.

Emphasis on Safety

If you do not actively work to create a safe environment for the entranced to do what they do, you will not have one. Aim for controlled chaos. Prioritize strong supports, open communication, and consent. Keep your trance space open and clear. Remove as many hazards as you possible can. Monitors should train and drill outside of trance rituals to coordinate their methods for handling the entranced. Practice using a sheet to block the entranced from smacking into objects and other people. Also practice wrapping someone up in a sheet. (And do not let it constrict the entranced.) Do it as many times as you need to until you have it down.

Aftercare

Part of the monitor's job is to provide aftercare for the entranced. Food and drink will help them come down. Simple conversation when they are ready is also helpful in getting the mind used to thinking and being present again. Physical touch also helps to return awareness to the body. Calmingly rubbing your charge's limbs and back (with consent) is an excellent way of doing this. Making sure the entranced gets home safely is also part of the job. A few check ins in the days after would be helpful as well. Just to make sure that there aren't any lingering injuries or issues. It is psychologically nourishing to care for others and to be cared for. This is a major part of how trancework heals and benefits us as people. If the entranced has muscle fatigue or mild soreness the next day, encourage them to hydrate, rest, and ice the spot if it is needed. A full day of rest after a major trance session is normal. (Do not book yourself for strenuous activities the next day.)

Not every traditional form of trance will emphasize aftercare. This is something that is more common in North African traditions. It is conspicuously absent in Catholic based trancework. Just something to be aware of.

Monitors Outside of Mediterranean Trancework

I have noticed that folks who do not have a connection to a living trancework tradition are less likely to be aware of the role monitor's play and of any kind of care or assistance for the entranced. So, not everybody uses monitors. Trancing, especially open trancing around bonfires, is very common at large polytheistic camping events. These are the places you are most likely to encounter a group trance effort out in the wild. I have never seen official monitors at these things. If you want one, you have to bring your own. To their credit, there is usually a first aid tent though. So, there's that.

The secular version would be at concerts where some kind of trance goes down--like moshing and headbanging. Those settings have their own rules. Call it pit etiquette but basically it just means protecting yourself and fellow entranced. Looking out for each other. If someone falls, pick them up. If someone is injured, stop and get them help.

Hope this helps to give you a good start. Good luck!

[noxiatoxia]

Please do not take photos or videos of people without their consent. Even if they're your friends, even if they're your kids, even if you think they were being a jerk. And especially, do not post those photos online. Yes, filming (I will be using "film(ing)" as a catch all for photos and videos for simplicity) someone without their knowledge or consent is legal in many areas of the world. Just because it is legal doesn't make it correct. I'm sure you can think of several laws that exist right now, or are trying to exist, that you feel should not be made legal. Legality has nothing to do with if it's "good" or "bad".

Even if you think it is harmless, even if you yourself wouldn't mind being filmed in that position, respect other people's privacy. It is a matter of consent. It is not hard to ask somebody if you can film them beforehand. It is not hard to ask somebody if you can post or send a film of them to somewhere else beforehand. You want to capture a film of your friend reacting to a surprise without them knowing? Tell them as soon after you finish filming, and give them the option to delete it. Better yet, you can discuss with said friend how they feel about such an occurrence if a future situation like that were to ever arise.

It's a small thing, but a big one to a lot of people. Some people have religious beliefs when it comes to being filmed. Some people have mental disorders that can cause them to react violently to the idea of being filmed/watched. Some people just like their damn privacy!

I know I can't force anybody to heed this. It's just a suggestion. Just to make the world a little kinder.

I understand the importance in filming crimes. If you witness someone committing a crime, such as police brutality, or endangering another, there is a legitimate and enforceable purpose behind that filming. Being, "this person is committing a crime, this film is to be used as evidence to bring their crime to justice".

But a good 90% of films of other people posted online are not that. It is people who are doing something "weird" or wearing something "funny". It is the filmer bothering people in public. It is someone who is injured, in distress, or having a mental breakdown. It is someone filming another person yelling at somebody else.

Being an asshole isn't a crime, by the way. Yes, that person yelling at the McDonald's worker is an asshole. But realistically, what is filming them and posting it online going to do? It isn't "getting back at them" because having thousands of people harassing them is a worse act of assholery than what they had done. Besides, not to be that guy, but shit can be taken out of context. That "crazy lady" yelling at the waiter was maybe filmed 5 seconds after the waiter had said a very sexually harassing statement. Maybe the teenager yelling at the store clerk just lost his best friend. Of course, this is not an excuse for acting violently, but the point I'm trying to illustrate is neither is the violating of their privacy as a means of revenge. Two wrongs don't make a right, as they say. (And do you think the perceived victim in the situation-- the clerk, the employee-- want to be filmed and posted without permission as well?) And even if it happens to be a situation of an entitled asshole being entitled, filming will do nothing. Opposition will just make them double down. People who are entitled like that won't think twice seeing those videos online, because they think they're in the right. All this trend does is send innocent people into a panopticon.

Though it's just a public thread, I think hearing the words of everyday people with experiences like this can help illustrate how big of an issue this is within our current digital climate.

Again. I cannot force any of you reading to think or act a certain way, nor do I want to force anything. I'm just hoping this will, at the very least, make any of you inclined to film others think twice before doing so.

[thejockout]

Subject Diaries #0 - Jockout the Subject, Part 1

In traditional Jockout fashion, I'm getting to this a little later (and differently) than I'd expected, but I've made it at last.

Initially, I was planning this first post to be a fairly blunt description of the files I've been listening to and the effects I've been experiencing; but I realised it's kinda weird to do that without ever really talking about my desires and what I'm into with hypnosis, lol. I will still give a little breakdown of what I've been up to (and that's what my future posts in this series will mostly be) but for the first one, I think I wanna talk a little more broadly first about my experiences/wants with hypnosis.

You've already met Jockout the hypnotist, so now let's talk about Jockout the subject:

As in my bio, I'm 22 (for a few more weeks) and live in Ireland in a suuper rural area, far from any population centers. I work as a freelance writer (AKA unemployed most of the time), so lots of time on my hands.

I've got extensive history with masculinisation hypnosis of all types and flavours. I first got into it fairly young via "Turn Straight" hypnosis (which is sad, looking back!) but it very rapidly transformed into all this. I was interrogating my sexuality and came to realise that more than being attracted to men, I was attracted to manhood, and I was into TF/mind control stuff. So falling into the masculinisation hypno hole was a pretty logical progression. Like many of us, I started on WarpMyMind but did get sick of that place quickly.

So that's setting the scene for who I am. What's my actual experience level with hypnosis?

Firstly, I am predominately a file subject. I've done some live trances and toyed with the Hypnosis4Guys circuit before but out of 10 people I've tranced with, 1-2 were ethical with me at most. I've dealt with people ignoring limits set pre-session, photos being taken of me without my consent, sessions being recorded, clumsy attempts to use triggers on me when I voice objections... I do have hypnotist friends I trust now who I could trance with, but tbh, I'm just more comfortable trancing on my own time nowadays. I feel strongly that hypnosis files can still have effect, despite what a battery of Twitter hypnodoms will tell you to the contrary. It just takes a different set of skills to live trancing.

As a subject, the files I've got the most experience with in total are Jack Drago's Masculine Conditioning series, Rigsby's Absolute Jock, and too many of @avissapiens' catalog to list, though I've spent the most time with Douche Gymbro, Perfect Muscle Bull, Painted Himbo, and Abyss Drone as a default "I wanna trance but don't know what file" option. I've done too many other random files to count, but these are the ones I stood by for the longest. (@hyphyphurray is the most recent addition to this staple rotation, someone I only started listening to sometime in the last few years... but more on that in my next post.)

The final thing bit of context I want to give, but haven't already, is my view of masculinisation/personality change hypnosis as a whole. What is it? Is it real? Does it work? How much of it is fantasy?

"Is This Kind of Hypnosis Real?"

Well, the answer changes depending on who you ask. My belief is that personality-change hypnosis is not "roleplay" in the sense we usually use that word in kink, so I prefer to think of it as role experimentation. It provides a chance for us to explore the fit of different psyches, mannerisms and thought patterns to our own defaults, which allows us to see how well they might fit.

For this reason, I often think the different masculine roles explored in hypnosis (himbo, jockboy, jock, bull, pup, bro, alpha, beta, slave) are kind of like mental outfits we try on during trance.

Some people feel more strongly than others that "there is only one of these outfits for every person and you must choose", but I take a looser approach than that. In my own trancing, I like to bounce around. I enjoy files that use the Himbo/Pup/Bro/Jock/Bull/Alpha labels all pretty well, with the only types I dislike being the extremely-submissive ones. I have a pretty varied hypno diet for this reason... and to extend the "outfit" metaphor, I kinda feel like a Disney employee who does Tigger for the morning shift and Gaston for the evening parade or something. They're both ostensibly outfits I'm choosing to put on, roles I'm choosing to play. Are either me?

That's a choice we all make for ourselves, I guess - imo, the "self" that we embody is inherently a kind of role, just one we've gotten very practiced at, so I see no reason the the roles we play within hypnosis are less significant. But I won't get into philosophy/psychology here because it's honestly kinda boring and I have no interest in trying to convert anyone into agreeing with me. But tl;dr, this kinda role experimentation does matter, and the roles it allows us to play with are no less real than others we perform socially, professionally, sexually, or etc., outside of hypnosis.

So.

That's enough for now, as an introduction to what I believe in as a tist/subject. In the next post, I'll be talking about what I actually want from hypnosis as well as what I've achieved thus far. And from then on, these posts will be more like status updates on how my own TF journey is going!

Hope you enjoyed!

-------

This post serves as the introduction to my broader Subject Diaries series, a blog series I plan to maintain on a fortnightly/monthly basis updating people on what I've been listening to, files I've been enjoying, and effects I've been experiencing. When I'm not trancing, I'm usually off being a mystical forest bro in the wilderness of Ireland, but I am always available for commissions here on Tumblr/Soundcloud if you reach out via DM. My flat rate is currently $55-80, but you can always check my pinned post for more up-to-date info. You can also support me with a one-time tip either via Paypal or Ko-Fi, but you'll have to DM for the first.

'Til next time!

[filthforfriends]

When I go to answer a serious ask, I usually type out my initial ideas, save it to drafts, and craft a response after I've had time to think. But recently, some of the asks have just disappeared. Unfortunately, this was one of those instances. (I'm recalling to the best of my ability).

Anon said they felt like the only one noticing how Maneskin use people as props in their photos, usually People of Color.

This topic touches on some of the most historically and currently relevant subsects of society. Race & ethnicity. Social development & communication, (now in the age of social media). Entertainment & representation. Plus, others I'm not thinking of. I want to acknowledge how deserving of an in depth discussion this topic is, while also acknowledging that I'm not informed enough to broach it. So this is gonna be pretty surface, anon, and I'm sorry for that.

What does it even mean to use somebody as a prop?

Props are used to add detail and context which make the subject or background more interesting. As inanimate objects, they only exist to enhance the scene. Therefore, to treat someone like a prop is to prioritize the way they can improve your image over that person's autonomy. Sure, both the prop and subject can both have individuality, as long as one serves to make the other look interesting.

So who's culpable? The subject, the photographer/videographer, perhaps a director of sorts? Personally, I think the blame is shared and situationally dependent.

Below are the most obvious examples of Maneskin using a person as a prop, posted to their insta pages. The trend anon pointed out is evident. Admittedly, I don't have a good sample size here, though. A ton of Maneskin's content is only available on their stories. Especially content with non-band members (which is what anon is referencing), since Maneskin's publicist prefers to post just the band.

I wonder how many of the people in these photos gave informed consent. (Not necessarily to a band member, just someone). As in "This photo will be posted without your name and seen by millions, but you won't receive royalties." Because some of these images Maneskin (the brand) can profit from via merchandise and copyrights. Conversely, most of the folks in the photos will experience poverty in their lifetime. Some of Maneskin's outfits are worth more than the other person makes in a year and they're treating them like a plant. There's also the safety concern. If any of these people have someone in the whole world that wishes them harm, that person can now find their job/neighborhood.

I know these photos aren't all bad. Victoria probably got consent to post pic #5, just a harmless prank. The woman in pic #3 was likely thrilled to be sitting next to such a handsome young man and thinks all social media is Facebook (which she hates). But why take pictures with the Black men in photos #2 & #4? What about the Latinas in #1 & #12? They're are using POCs as visually compelling markers of cultural and ethnic differences to say something meaningful about themselves. Look how far I've come! Look how successful my music is! You envy me, right?

[thatgirl4815]

This isn’t about sandray but I like your thoughts and so I need to know your opinions on this: is it just me or are Top and Boston being unfairly punished by this show? i know they both did wrong and their mistakes were huge but at this point I just feel like they’ve gotten it back tenfold and it just KEEPS going, especially this episode. It doesn’t help that I can’t tell if the show knows it’s wrong they’re being treated like this or they think the karma is justified.

I have a lot of thoughts about this, and most of them have come up after this last episode, so I'm gonna dive into both characters' treatment by the narrative.

I'm going to start with Boston because this episode in particular made me feel differently about him. I'll start by saying that Boston is a character I have loved to hate. He's not my favorite by any means because his behavior towards his friends is horribly unjustified. Let the record state that I have absolutely no problem with his lifestyle--he can sleep with as many people as he wants as often as he wants. I could (possibly...maybe...) forgive him for sleeping with Top while Top was with Mew if he hadn't pre-meditated it so much. This is a guy who chased after Top and came onto him multiple times even knowing that Top did not want it. Even though Top eventually relented and slept with him, I think Top deserves an apology for that, because that behavior was very uncomfortable.

I would not blame any of Boston's friends, especially Mew, if they did not forgive Boston for sleeping with Top. Mew has every right to never want to see Boston again, no matter what Boston does to try to make it up to him. That being said, I do not think Mew would have been justified in publicizing Boston's sex tape. Taking revenge is a slippery slope because it makes you just as bad as the offender, but the sex tape is especially bad because that is something with very major repercussions (and it's also just an insane invasion of privacy). Not to mention, Boston's dad would have also gotten tied up in the fallout. Thankfully, Mew took the high road by not posting it.

Overall, I think Boston has been facing the consequences of his own actions for the last several episodes. But what really rubbed me the wrong way this episode was Atom. I don't care if he feels hurt (which, btw, Boston never promised him anything more than a one-night stand)--he had no right to paint himself as an SA victim when he knows that he was the one coming on to Boston. Yes, I think Cheum is vindicated for being upset that Boston slept with her brother, particularily given Boston's relationship with her atm. But for Atom to convince Cheum that Boston not only slept with him, but forced him into it and also took his nude photos without his consent is wildly unacceptable.

In general: I think Boston deserves being cut off by his friends. I think he deserves being shunned by them. But he didn't deserve to have Atom punish him by painting that narrative around their night together.

Okay, now to Top. Top has rubbed me the wrong way from Ep1 just by his attitude; it was originally very hard for me to tell whether to trust him. Like Mew, I wanted him to be tested to see whether he was true. I still don't think Mew has to forgive him for cheating on him, but I do think taking revenge on him by being in a relationship with Boeing (or even just pretending to be in one) is exactly the opposite of what Mew was trying to get across when he decided not to share Boston's sex tape. It seems immature quite frankly, and it makes Mew no better than Top. In that sense, I think Top is being unjustly punished, because though he deserves to have to fight for Mew's affection/trust again, being cheated on himself isn't right either. I'm also not entirely sure why Boeing is so intent on punishing Top when it seems like they were on good terms (though I guess Boeing feels like he's just been used by Top?). I don't think what Boeing is doing is deserved either. The one thing I think Top has deserved is Mew's distrust, but revenge against him doesn't feel right, even if it is "making things equal." Then where does the cycle end?

Anyways, sorry for the rant but yeah, I have a lot of opinions about Boston and Top as characters. As to whether they are being treated unfairly by the narrative, I don't think there's a clear-cut answer. They're being punished for the things they did do, but they're also being punished above and beyond that.

[restrained-by-society]

a, b, d, v

From Doc's Homebrew Alphabet Meme!

Ache - how is their pain tolerance?  are they in any pain right now?  how are they likely to act when they hurt, physically or emotionally?  how would they react if they stubbed their toe? 

Answered here!

Physically, yes - not naming any names but getting a finger bitten off will do that do you. Mentally, he's actually doing really well ("well" being subjective when one considers who they're talking about)

If it's physical hurt, he gets really weird and sexual about it, probably due to whatever wiring is busted in his brain. After a while he tends to completely ignore and neglect it and gets so melodramatic about ignoring it that it circles back around into making it into a big deal. When he's in emotional pain, if he even knows what that is, he gets real snippy and aggressive, but also clingy and insecure. Contrasts, baby

Probably like a drama queen and he'd throw whatever it was he stubbed his toe into to the ground. If it was something bigger than him, like a car or a building, he'd kick the hell out of it

Blood - how are they in a fight?  the weapon they would use, and why?  what would they do if they found a dead body?  what weapon would be best against them?

He's a scrappy fella who lacks grace but makes up for it in feral animal behavior - biting, kicking, scratching, anything's a goal if the intention is to hurt and it's not kinky. I mean, he does that stuff regardless, but he'll probably tell you that the only difference between a fight and a fuck is consent on both sides

Cleric's the weapon, though he'll use anything that's blunt or sharp enough. He also thought about carrying around wire so he could garrote people?? Damn weird smh

Depends. If it's his dead body, he'll clean the crime scene as best as all the true crime shows suggest and go about with his day. If it's not his dead body, he'd probably still be nonchalant about it and wait a little bit of time before calling anyone

Answered here!

Drive - what car do/would they drive?  do they obey traffic laws?  what mode of transportation would they choose otherwise?  do they have road rage?

He owns a couple, the car being a white '86 Toyota MR2. He also has a brown matte 2020 Husqvarna 701 Vitpilen. Style over substance, he doesn't particularly enjoy driving

Surprisingly enough, he does. All of his shenanigans are off the road, he likes to spend as little time on the road as possible (ironic given how much he's traveled lol)

A golf cart. Those can run people over without killing them and he has a lot of people he'd wanna run over

100% he does, but literally everything makes him mad depending on the day/weather/minour inconvenience that happened previously

Vanity - do they take pride in their appearance?  how do they dress normally, and how does it differ when they’re going somewhere nice?  post a photo or gif of them/their FC that you love but never get to use! do they have any piercings or tattoos?  

He absolutely does, but it's fun for him because he doesn't think he has any bad angles, nor does he have the pride to be offended by attempted insults

Normally he dresses in one of two outfit styles - punk with the dark tank top and an overshirt (sometimes fishnet undershirts, torn jeans and belted boots by day, long sleeved dark shirts, intact jeans and more sleek boots by night. He always dresses like this and rarely dolls himself up to look "nice" because he thinks he always looks nice but he can be wrangled into appearing more "presentable" by day if it's the right (or wrong) person

The man is coated in tattoos. Curiously though he has no piercings except for his ears, but he doesn't wear earrings. One of those "I don't want this to be used against me in case I get into a fight" scenarios

[thestobingirlie]

With the camera/photos thing. I think a lot of people don't see the other photos as invasive. The only photo they see as invasive was Nancy with her top off. Not any of the others.

I saw someone criticising Steve for passing the photos around to Tommy and Carol, claiming that it proved that Steve didn't care about protecting Nancy. Tommy and Carol, as in the other two people who had invasive photos taken of them on private property without their knowledge or consent. They deserved to know about it and see the photos they were in.

We don't know the full layout of Steve's house, so we don't know if the room they were in faced over the backyard. But if it was, how were they to know that there weren't more photos, including ones of them in more vulnerable positions, taking their clothes off or even while they were having sex.

I'd even go as far as to say that Nancy wasn't the one that had her privacy invaded the most. Steve was. He's the one that has to live with knowing someone took photos of a gathering he held at his house while hiding in the bushes, including a photo with the camera aimed into his room. He has to live with knowing that anyone with a camera can get detailed photos of what he does in his room.

yeah, it’s a complex situation. i would say nancy was the most violated, but steve’s privacy was probably invaded the most because it’s literally his house.

and that’s such a dumb criticism. they were in the photos!! steve hadn’t seen nancy’s yet, he was just looking through them, why wouldn’t he show them to the people that were also in the photos? carol and tommy deserved to see the pictures jonathan had taken. like you said, they had no idea what he’d managed to get, and they are all invasive.

god, it’s just so gross, and it just wasn’t thought about at all.

like, i get peeping tom is a common trope in 80s media, but it’s the kind of trope we should be tearing apart, not giving to a main character we’re supposed to root for.

[pluralsword]

we know that tumblr is not bluesky so like. are we bonkers for saying this but we somehow dont think that the horny human bodied trans posts using the transformers tag (which is also not something sex workers and horny trans humans on bluesky do they're having a normal one) are coming from anyone but bot accounts. especially since some of them are using trans guy and trans gal (without like, a bigender or polygender tag, which is strange) and trans exclusionary radical feminist tags all in the same breath, and the kicker here is - a lot of these posts were within the last 24-48hrs with the trans day of visibility tag. TDOV is march 31st. nice try.

so like even before getting into how this effects trans transformers art and writing this takes up the trans tag too and its like. whatever fucking asshole is out there making a mockery of trans people of all kinds by and likely stealing photos of the likes of us for porn accounts let me personally, and respectfully say what I have to say about how people like you have been doing this for cis women too: This is an awful act, and I have the utmost disdain for you for commodifying our bodies without consent or agency. It makes navigating this website already bereaved with transphobia and transmisogyny (which effects everyone not just trans women but us in particular) more of a pain in the butt and it is deeply insulting to both the real variety of our expressions and our (a)sexual lives.

What we hate most about this is that the backlash by staff and mass reporting will likely result in actual trans people whether sex workers or not losing their accounts so scrap you honestly. YOU KNOW THERE'S A GENOCIDE GOING ON IN MULTIPLE COUNTRIES RIGHT? AND REGARDING THE USA AMID MASS ARRESTS FOR BEING ON HRT OR OUT AS TRANS IN STATES WHERE THAT IS NOW ILLEGAL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT V-CODING IS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT PRISONS DO TO TRANS WOMEN IN THE USA? AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO INSTEAD OF BOTHERING TO AT LEAST VOTE FOR SOMEONE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT US OR DONATE MUTUAL AID TO ACTUAL TRANS PEOPLE INCLUDE PEOPLE IN THE SEX WORK INDUSTRY? You haven't read Gender as Accumulation Strategy by Kay Gabriel which goes over how trans people, trans women, left with nothing and sexually commodified and exiled by society made use of sex work to build up resources, support each other, and fight for liberation. Frag you. Sweet Solus, frag you.

For our part, posting trans transformers stuff is something that doesn't get as much attention tumblr interaction-wise (after releasing our essay and the whole thing with polls a while back it was very clear that are a number of people who do pay attention to this stuff but dont interact directly which is understandable there's no shame in that especially with all the shit going on right now and we just want to say to those who follow our stuff we appreciate you, salute you, and hope the best for you) and we don't bother with actually using the transformers tag here much to search for things but it does hurt.

Again, what we hate most about this is that the backlash by staff and mass reporting will likely result in actual trans people whether sex workers or not losing their accounts. Dear fellow trans and gender expansive people, we are in this together, be kind to each other, we will only survive with solidarity to one another and to all issues of oppression and not on trans liberation alone. We definitely agree with Kay Gabriel on that

[featherandferns]

disclaimer for 'underneath the gloves'

spoilers under the cut! you've been warned!

the fic includes discussions of nude photos being leaked and shared around the school without consent, when the reader is thirteen years old.

i remember one time in high school, this rumour started to go around. the more the day went on, the more i realised it wasn't a rumour. some girl that i vaguely knew, who was in one of my science classes, had sent naked pictures to a guy and they'd somehow gotten leaked around the school (i don't fully remember how). i didn't know her very well and i couldn't have been older than fourteen. what i do remember though is how the guys (and a good few girls, too) made jokes about it and were sharing them around. i think i remember seeing her in person for the first time afterwards, and i think she'd been crying.

i just remember how awful it must've felt for her. i didn't think about it too much and didn't say anything, about the pictures or to her. i also never saw them and never wanted to see them. but the older i got, i've never been able to shake how sick it makes me feel that that happened, and how everybody was so happy to take the pounce on her, like she'd done something wrong.

it makes me even more angry that i still don't know who the guy was that she sent them too, whose responsibility it was for them to stay private. all i hope is that karma got to him, and that she has recovered from the undoubted trauma that must've brought her, if only slightly. from her social media, i know she's doing well. but something like that has to stick with you, and i think it's awful knowing that she won't be an isolated incident.

when i started writing F.W.B., i didn't think too deeply about the reader's backstory outside of her being somewhat of a commitment phobic person. then, one night, this idea just came to me. the reason why the reader acts the way she does, and has a need for control and a need to win, and always acts confident and self-assured. whilst i believe that people can be that way, there's always something underneath, just as with JJ's character.

i know the fic is a heavy one, but i hope i've done it justice. from my own experiences with sexual assault, i believe i've been tasteful and real in the portrayal of how experiencing and recovering from such an incident can be. i hope i have, anyway. and i hope you enjoy the fic, nonetheless. thanks for reading <3