#one day im not gonna be able to anymore and that scares me more than anything

[quantum1mmortality]

Im so glad you're writing for Curly bc I'm so obsessed with him rn!! May I suggest (if you haven't done them already) some soft/fluffy post burn hcs? Like finally seing him again after a long drive to the hospital, mentally preparing yourself for what he might look like. Curly being so afraid about how you'd react, and just breaking down when you let out an "oh, Curly :(" and softly place a hand on his cheek, so worried that you might hurt him by accident that it's hardly even a touch at all. Curly leaning his cheek into your palm, having been so scared to see you and now so desperate for your touch.

Life returning to a new normal after a while, prosthetics and PT, skin grafts, so on. Lying in bed with him and being so relived and happy when he gets a spark of mischief like he used to and tries to tickle or play wrestle with you. Him quietly asking questions when the laughter dies down. if you missed his lips, or the blond hair you loved so much that now hardly grew at all. Reassuring him that it didn't matter what he looked like, or what he could and could not do anymore. He's still your curly.

Sorry this turned out so long 😭 I can't get him out of my head!

I LOVE what you wrote 🙏🙏 I'll be going off of these, taking bits and pieces of your hcs and then putting them in here. Overall just gonna be fluffy post crash Curly hcs :)

Of topic, but the way some people in this fandom treat post crash curly makes me nauseous. Finding out that some of you wouldn't treat him like I would makes me wanna cry. Maybe I'm too empathetic or maybe I'm a baby back bitch, either way, I'd care for this man so much. Y'all don't understand how much I love him.

Tw/cw; none!! One curse word but that's literally it (I think)

Not proofread

Extremely sensitive to touch for the first few weeks. I feel as though curly would be in incredible pain, but would try his best to keep your hands touching his cheeks, face, body in general. He'd even go as far as to whimper at how bad it hurt, yet still enduring it because he needed to know you still loved him.

He'd be so happy to see you anytime you were around. Just like pre crash, but it was more special. It got to the point where you would take off work for weeks at a time just to be with him, just so you could see him happy.

After the first two months of agonizing pain, you'd start touching him more. Not sexual, obviously, but just getting more physically affectionate. You'd be able to hug and kiss him goodbye, and hold on to his arm as you talked with him.

Speaking of talking, he wouldn't be able to, so you would talk for him. Basically telling him something, then answering any questions he may or may not have. You've known him long enough, you know how he'd react and question things, so it was practically a no brainer for you.

Now that he doesn't feel as much pain as he used to from your touches, you'd begin sleeping with him. NOT SEXUAL!!! Just cuddling up next to him in the hospital bed, laying your head on his shoulders and kissing him goodnight. Just like how you used to.

Eventually he'd start getting prosthetics, and aside from the physical therapy he's usually getting, you'd bring board games and playing cards so he could learn to use his new hands while still spending time with you.

Curly used to kick your ass in uno and honestly he still does. The trembling in his hands would slowly go away over time, and you were helping him with that much more than his physical therapist was; because at least he wanted to actually be around you.

After months and months, he'd finally be ready to take home. New prosthetics and a bunch of skin graft surgeries later, he's in good condition again. Not perfect in his eyes, but it is in yours.

He wouldn't be able to work, but Pony Express sends him checks as if he was. He gets enough from them, you could quit your job, but you don't want to be dependent on them. So you keep working.

Getting home from work is your favorite part of the day, having Curly be so happy to see you makes everything so worth it.

Your home life goes back to normal with a few exceptions, but nothing too drastic. Curly being in a wheelchair and still not being able to speak, but it's nothing you can't handle. You love him, you're willing to make sacrifices. He'd do the same for you, and you know that.

Bonus content; if you guys were married before the crash, once he got his prosthetic hands, he'd have you help him make a little beaded necklace for his ring to go on; that way he could still wear it :) he'd never take the necklace off once it's done

A/N; I've been pretty busy recently so sorry for the delay on requests; I have a lot of ideas for them though so hopefully they'll be out soon

[luvyeni]

( reaction ) you try and kill them ! ୨୧ 一 엔하이픈 ՞

⸃ ⸰ ⌁ you snap and try and kill them ヾ

yandere!enhypen・ reader ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ g ・ horror angst ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ cw ・ ‎ wc ・ ‎k ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎| ‎ ‎click to library

「 ୨୧ authors note 」 more yandere for everyone <3

﹙ 𐙚 : heeseung﹚ .ᐟ

smirking when you held the gun in your shaking hand. “be careful you might shoot yourself.” he sat calmly in his chair. “don't patronize me.” you shouted , waving the gun. “whoa , im sorry.” he put his hand up with a smile. “why don't you put the gun down.” he said. “no, im leaving this place.” you said he nodded. “are you?” he was so unbothered — it pissed you off. “i don't think you are.” you were sick of all his tricks and mind games. you were finally over it , you pulled the trigger. click! that was it , the gun didn't go off. “did you seriously think i kept a fully loaded gun out in the open?” he was laughing at you. “are you dumb?” you felt like you were going crazy , you couldn't escape him , so you dropped to the ground. “please just kill me , please.” you begged unable to do it anymore ; you'd rather die than go through this any longer. “oh no im not gonna kill you.” he said, bending down to your level , the craziest smile on his face.

“where's the fun in that baby?”

﹙ 𐙚 : jay﹚ .ᐟ

the only way you would be able to kill jay is through his food and even that was hard — because you didn't even cook your own food , so you had to sneak into the kitchen on the pretense of helping since you did sometimes do that because that's all you could do since he kept you locked in the house almost every day. while you were left alone by the cooks, you poured the cleaning solution into the stew — it was served to him by the staff , but he quickly found something wrong. “what's wrong?” you asked, trying not to sound nervous. “you.” he pointed to the maid , calling them over. “eat this.” you didn't want to kill anyone else. “h-huh?” jay looked at you with a blank stare. “eat it i said.” you broke down, he pushed the bowl to the floor , the glass shattering along with the stew. “clean it up and leave.” he stood up from the seat making his way to you. “jay please , im sorry.” he was pissed. “don't plead now.” he grabbed you by your hair. “ow please you're hurting me.” he dragged you to your room — the one where it locked outside. “good.” he threw you down onto the floor.

“try and poison my food , let's see how long you last without food.”

﹙ 𐙚 : jake﹚ .ᐟ

you leaving alone was like stabbing him in the chest , but if you left and he did kill himself you knew you'd never forgive yourself. so you knew you had to do it , you had to kill him. “yn?” jake stood in the corner of the kitchen. he was pinned there by you pressing the knife against his chest. “what are you doing?” his eyes teary , you wouldn't fall for it. “jake i can't live like this , and you won't let me go.” before you plunge the knife into his chest , he held the knife in his hand. “do it.” he said tears down his face. “kill me , please do it , i don't want to live without you.” he said , his hand were bleeding. “if you hate me this much that means i’ve failed to love you and i deserve it.” you stood there in shock , you didn't know what to do. “j-jake.”

“i deserve so please just kill me , please.”

﹙ 𐙚 : sunghoon﹚ .ᐟ

you knew you were taking a chance trying to kill sunghoon; and you knew this was gonna be your only chance to kill him; because you'd either one die trying to or two be too scared to try again. you decided to try… that's where you fucked up at. taking the bat he often used ( on you and his other victims ) — swinging the bat , hitting him on the side of his head. you didn't even wait for him to hit the ground before you b-lined it to the door… that was your second fuck up, because had you waited even a second you would've realized he never got the ground. he stumbled but collected himself— picking up the same bat; your third and final fuck up, chasing after you. you were almost to the door, freedom on at your fingertip but it all came crashing down when you felt the bat hitting the back of your head and then it all went dark. when you woke up , he was standing over top of you , the side of his head still bleeding. “su-sunghoon , please.” his eyes were darker than ever. “please don't kill me , im sorry.” he scoffed. “im not gonna kill you.” he said but the way you said it — you wished he would.

“but im gonna make you fucking wish i did.”

﹙ 𐙚 : sunoo﹚ .ᐟ

you didn't want to hurt him; you didn't. but if you didn't do something he'd never let you go; or end up killing himself and you couldn't be left with a burden knowing he did that because of you. you didn't want him to be in pain as he died you couldn't believe you still had compassion for him , but you did. you decided killing him in his sleep was the way to go. waiting for him to fall asleep , moving as slow as you possibly could , undoing his arm and straddling his waist, the pillow in your hand as you covered his face , holding the pillow down. he began to thrash around , you held tightly as you heard the muffle of his cries; the saltiness from your tears on your tongue — you were crying. he took this as a chance, quickly flipping you over , he held you down tears streaming down his face. “why why why!” he shouted. “im sorry, im so sorry.” both of you sobbing, it was sick you felt so bad for what you did. “why did you do that yn?!” he shouted.

“i love you , i love you and you try and kill me , do you hate me that much ?!”

﹙ 𐙚 : jungwon﹚ .ᐟ

you needed to make sure he was dead, poisoning him? no he was way too smart for that. try to stab him? he long got rid of the knives. you had no option , the gun — the same gun he used to fuck with you. he'd keep one of those revolver guns and sometimes he'd put a bullet in it and told you to put it to his head , if it went off you were free , if not he'd put the gun to your head but he wouldn't pull the trigger because of course he would never hurt you , but the pure terror on your face amused him — much like now, when you grabbed the gun holding it to the back of his head. “if you wanted to play you could've just asked,” he said calmly. “sh-shut up.” you stuttered , he laugh. “you got one shot.” he said , just as you pulled the trigger… it didn't go off. “no!” you shouted , he grabbed the gun out of your hand. “no please!” you begged, he smiled at you crouching in the corner. “it's my turn.” he knew the gun wasn't loaded at all , he always took the bullet out. the gun was pointed at your head , with a laugh.

“let's play fair this time , it's only right if i get a turn.”

﹙ 𐙚 : ni-ki﹚ .ᐟ

much like sunghoon; you'd only have one shot cause ni-ki would damn sure make sure you'd never do it again. you underestimated him though, thinking you could easily suffocate him in his sleep , thinking he'd be too inebriated to fight back. you were wrong and you soon figure that out when he easily overpowered you , flipping you over so that now he was on top. “stupid fucking girl.” he wrapped his fingers around your throat. “did you think this would work?” you couldn't breathe , your hands scratching at his hands trying to pull them off , you both were basically fighting at this point. he managed to get up , pulling you from the bed by your hair , dragging you , throwing you down to the floor , the crack of our wrist and your scream didn't phase him at all. “ni-niki please don't.” he picked up the bat.

“that wrist of yours is the least of your fucking problems.”

©LUVYENI

[oldfashioned-lovergirl]

omg hihihi!!! im obsessed with the fic you wrote for niki and james and i was wondering if you could write one for ayrton senna? maybe with the reader being his teammate and its their first season and just him falling in love with her? idk tbh. its criminal that theres so little fics of him im obsessed with him currently xx

☽ OLD MONEY — ayrton senna x reader

tags: car crash

note: fr there are no fics about him. also i love old f1 vibes

masterlist

✧༺ ☽ ༻∞　　∞༺ ☽ ༻✧

When you first met him, you immediately noticed how oddly he was looking at you. You couldn’t get whatever he was thinking, so you just assumed he didn’t like you. For a time. Then one day something changed.

You crashed in Imola. You got out of the car without even a scratch, but the faces of the people when you returned to the paddock with the ambulance made you guess it mustn’t have looked good from the screens.

And there he was. Despite the very few words you exchanged since you knew each other, rushing towards you, none other than the best driver on the grid, your rival and teammate Ayrton Senna.

Brown eyes filled with worry and hair still soaked in sweat, he called your name and took your arms in his hands. “Tell me you’re okay.”

“I– I think I’m okay. I just got scared.” You didn’t know why you were telling your feelings to him, you just didn’t think much about it.

“Me too.” For a moment you thought he was gonna pull you in a hug, but he didn’t. He just softly put a hand on you cheek and then let go of you. “Glad to know you’re well, pequena.”

You found Ayrton standing in front of his Porsche Cabriolet at the end of the day. It was getting dark, few people were still in the paddock to celebrate his victory.

You hurried to reach him before he left. “Ayrton.” He turned around, but you know he was already looking at you from afar. He clearly had a shower because he smelled fresh and the red overalls had given way to a white elegant shirt. “I wanted to congratulate. Also, thank you for worrying about me earlier, you kind of reassured me.”

“No need to thank me.” He made a pause. You wondered if it was time for you to go. “You know, I was going to dinner with a friend but he won’t be able to come. Would you like to join? I have a reservation for two.”

You stared at him, surprised by the invitation, then looked down at your own jeans and blouse outfit. “I don’t know if I’m suited for the situation.”

“You are.” He opened the front seat door for you. “Let’s go.”

The restaurant was a villa in the Emilian countryside. You had never seen such a beautiful place in your entire life.

The dinner went very well. You ate pasta on a table in the garden. There were warm lights that made the location very cozy. Ayrton was so sweet, very different from the fierce man everybody saw on track. You talked about the race, but not only. You learned more about his personal life and viceversa. He asked if you were seeing someone, you shook your head. “And you?”

“Not at the moment, no.”

You thought of the gorgeous girls he was often photographed with. You didn’t believe yourself to be that pretty.

“I’m sorry if I’m not very talkative between one race and the other, I’m just trying to stay professional.” His freckles were as glaring as ever in that light. After his words, you realized you may have misinterpreted his detachment. “But when you crashed today… I don’t know, it seemed dangerous from my point of view. The thought of not seeing you next to me anymore scared me a lot.”

Spelling those words, Ayrton was playing with the glass of water in his hand, his eyes shyly looking downwards. “So I wondered if you’d like to hang out. Outside of work, I mean.”

In his own words, that was a declaration.

“I–“ That was what you wanted since you saw him introducing himself in that conference room, however you knew how risky the situation you were putting yourself into was. But right there, looking up at you with those eyes full of hope, surrounded by that magical place, he was so handsome. “I’d love to.”

[writingsonsaturn]

the tortured poets department

{ masterlist } { the 'taylor swift' series }

🪐: first spencer fic, and its angst, perfecto!

wc - 497

content warning: angst, spencer is mean, break-up, no happy ending lol, not proofread

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

“You left your typewriter at my apartment” You said into the phone, “who uses typewriters these days” You finished with a laugh. “I find typewriters quite interesting actually” Spencer said with a factual tone causing you to roll your eyes.

Spencer had been over for the last couple of nights, his migraines were bad so you offered to give him a safe place to rest his body, giving you the responsibility to go to the store, make dinner, clean, basically do everything you knew he shouldn’t be doing.

“I’ll come by and pick it up after work, is that okay?” Spencer’s voice sounded flatter than it usually is, your heart picked up a beat or two. “Yeah, totally okay Spence” doing your best to mask the scared feeling rising up your throat, “are you doing okay?” you asked Spencer, “im fine” he replied, but you weren’t convinced.

Later that day he stopped by just as he said he would, but something was off about him. His eyes were sunken down deeper into their sockets, he looked almost grey, and his face supported a frown, which was something you hated seeing on him. It didn’t suit him.

You went up to try and hug his frame but he quickly denied your attempt, putting a hand out in front of him. “Okay, Spencer, what is going on with you?” you asked with a strain.

“Nothing, we just need to talk.”

“Don’t do this” your voice broke, you knew all too well what the phrase entailed, hoping, praying, pleading that your gut was wrong and your anxieties were fooling you.

“This isn’t working anymore, Y/n” Spencer finally spit out, confirming everything you never wanted to hear. 

Your heart broke with every syllable he spoke, “Why? Huh? You at least owe me an explanation” you scoffed, anger overtaking the despair that you felt only moments prior. 

“I don’t love you anymore”

Every word felt like a dagger to the heart, repeatedly swinging up then falling right back down.

Your body feels numb, the weight of the situation hurting your shoulders as you carry the tension, “So that’s it?” you wondered, looking at him with eyes that said everything you weren’t able to. 

“Yeah” he responded coldly, looking at everything in the room but you, he refused to meet your eyes. 

You wanted him gone, anything you felt for Spencer drifted away, it was as if a switch had been turned off, the only thing left of the two of you was the shadow imprinted on your heart that you weren’t sure you’d ever be able to get rid of.

“Tell me one thing, before you go” you more so stated, instead of questioning.

“What?”

“Who else is gonna hold you like me” the question hung in the air for what felt like a century.

“I don’t know” he answered, head hanging low.

“Nobody.”

You shoved the typewriter into his hands, forcing him out the door and slamming it shut. 

“No-fucking-body”

[lunajay33]

The Teller Girl Part.7

•❤️⛓️💸🌹•

Summary: Being Jax Tellers sister made for a crazy life, being Gemma’s and Clays daughter made it even crazy, but being surrounded by bikers made you feel safe but what’ll happen when you can’t deny your feelings for a certain Scotsman anymore?

Pairing: Chibs Telford x f!reader

Content: Age Gap, bit of angst, smut, violence

Part.6

•Masterlist•

So many thoughts were running through my head as I looked down at my little Harley, then back at Chibs, it’s been a few days since his wife showed up which only made things worse, my mind was already a whirl wind and now it was like a tornado

Did he not trust me enough? Was he ever going to tell me? Did he not want to marry me and that’s why? Am I just a distraction

Even if it killed me knowing he had a wife I still love him, I love him so much it hurts, Harley babbles as she reaches for Chibs, I place her on his chest and she cuddles up to him immediately, she’s a smart little thing, her head laid against his shoulder her little hand playing with his beard

“You miss your daddy baby?” I ask as I sit on the bed next to them rubbing her back

“Aye im sure she does” Chibs says weakly shocking me, gently taking his face in my hands making him look at me

“Oh my god baby you scared the hell out of me” I whimper and I feel his hand on my thigh as his other hand goes to Harley and she giggles

“Can’t kill me tha’ easy darlin” he huffs

“She’s been fussy, only calms down when she’s cuddled up to you”

“That’s my girl” he looks down at her and I can’t help the tears, I place a kiss to his check then his lips, my fingers tracing his scars

“Have ye been takin care of yer self?” He asks as his eyebrows furrow

I look away a little ashamed but I couldn’t help it

“I was sick, couldn’t eat or sleep, seeing you like this ate at me and then…..”

“Then what baby girl?”

“Your wife showed up” he froze for a second then relaxed as his hand came to squeeze my arm

“I was gonna tell ye”

“When? When we had another baby? When I’d wonder why you didn’t wanna make me your wife”

“Lassy she means nothing anymore, yer my ol lady, nothing means more to me than ye and Harley” I sigh brushing his hair back

“I believe you I just…..it hurt, the way she got to call herself you wife, I don’t know I just guess I’ve always wanted that, waited for the day I’d get to call you my husband”

“Yer some romantic darlin, but ye got nothing to be jealous of, I’ll be your husband one day so I can make an honest woman out of ye” he smirks making me laugh as I wipe my tears away

“I love ye lassy”

“I love you too Chibs”

•

Tara ran a few more tests to make sure he was in the clear and he was finally able to come him, him and the boys zoom down the hallways in a wheel chairs like so kids making Harley laugh

“Come on children I wanna get my ol man home, I havent slept in a bed for weeks”

“You bastards didn’t take care of her?” Chibs groans smacking juice up side the head

“We tried, she’s a stubborn thing, wouldn’t leave your side”

“Aye tha’ she is” he stands and throws his arm around me and we head home

•

Stepping through the door it’s spotless

“Wow mom must’ve stopped by” I laugh know that when she was anxious she cleaned

“Aye” he says as he heads to our room and lays in the bed, I laid Harley down to sleep in her room before joining him, sitting in his lap his hands instinctively going to my hips

“Really miss me that much lassy?” He smirks as he looks up at me

“Very much, now how about you let me take care of my ol man, say it’s a welcome home present” grinding down on him, hearing him groan sends chills through me

“Aye I ain’t gonna say no ta this sweet pussy” I quickly rip his shirt open and undo his pants, pushing down just enough to free him taking his dick in my hand

“Fuck I really missed this”

“Look at ye, yer mesmerized baby girl” he lifts my dress and rips my panties apart

“Shite yer soaking”

“It’s been months of fantasizing about you fucking my brains out” I moan as I line myself up slowly pushing down

“Jesus Christ lassy still so tight”

“You can’t leave me like that again, what would I do without your filthy mouth” I moan grinding back and forth feeling him all, so deep

“Ye never gonna wonder” he grunts thrusting up matching my pace over and over until I feel that coil in my stomach

“Fuck fuck fuck” I keep bouncing being my hand down to circle my clit

“Look at ye, cock drunk, go on baby girl cum fer me”

His words are enough to send me over the edge seeing stars, toes curling and squeezing him tight, feeling him cum deep in me, the only sound is both of us breathing heavy

“Shite I’ll never get tired of this pussy” I laugh getting up off him, pulling his boxers back up and dropping next to him

“This shit going in with the Irish……we’ll be okay right” I ask cuddling up to him as he holds me tight

“Ain’t nothing gonna happen to ye”

“I’m more worried about you Chibs, that bomb it could’ve taken us both out and Harley would’ve been an orphan”

“The club will get it figured, and ye can go back to being SAMCROS princess” he taps my ass before we fall asleep

•

The next two months was chaos, dealing with Jimmy and these white power guys moving into town wasn’t really ideal

Especially not when I just found out I’m pregnant again, still only early in the pregnancy but I haven’t told Chibs yet, or anyone for that fact, everyone’s been so busy and stressed I didn’t wanna add something else to that list

“Happy there you are I’ve been looking all over!” I call out to him as him and a few guys were sat on the bench outside the club

“Finally realize I’m better than your ol man” he jokes slapping chibs on the shoulder laughing

“Ha ha very funny no I need to ask you a favour”

“Sure what is it?” I look at the other guys as they watched curious, I lead him over to the side of the building pulling him down closer so I could whisper

“I was wondering since you’re such an artist, could you give me a tattoo?” His eyes spark

“Course what do you want?”

“Can you do Chibs crow” he smirks

“And where do you want it?”

“My lower back, think he’d love that”

“Oh trust me after I get it done he’s gonna be hitting you from the back everyday” I smack his arm blushing

“AYE ye tryna steal my woman over there?” Chibs calls out sending happy a deathly glare

“Nah just planning a little surprise” he calls back

“Come on let’s get this done sweetheart!” He took me to a back room as he finished setting up the supplies and stencil for the crow, laying on the table he buzzed the needle

“Ready?” I nod my body coursing with adrenaline, this tattoo would claim me as his ol lady and with another baby on the way I wanted to have a piece of him on me

After an hour and a half he was finally done

“All done sweet cheeks” he covers it in a second skin wrap so I could still see it while it healed, getting up I look in the mirror and I can’t help my smile

“Happy this is amazing, thank you so much”

“Anything for our princess” he throws his arm around me and we head back out Chibs, Jax and tig were still sat at the table having smokes and some drinks talking about the next plan against the Irish and white power probably

“Finally where the hell have ye two been?” Chibs groans as he gets up to pull me in for a kiss, happy sitting next to this

“Got a surprise for you baby, wanna see”

“Surprise fer me, is it another surprise where I end up with ye riding me?”

“Maybe” I turn lifting my shirt and his hands are on my hips immediately

“Shite baby girl, ye got my crow”

“Do you like it?” I ask nervous as I turn back around and his eyes are dark

“Do I like it fuck I love it, shite woman ye drive me insane” he smacks my ass and turns to the guys

“Yer gonna have to excuse us, I got somethings to do with my ol lady” rushing me inside to our room in the back making me laugh as he chases after me

He slammed the door bending me over the bed my ass up in the air

“Just a reminder that I’m yours” I moan as he grins up against me

“Always baby”

•

The situation with the IRA was getting more tense and the white power group dangerous and now Gemma’s got an Irish killed and we might not be safe

I get to the club with my bags for the three of us ready for the lockdown, the place was packed and my little Harley wasn’t a fan, she’s 4 months old now and loved to crawl and with everyone around couldn’t risk that so she was fussy

“There ye are my love” Chibs smiles coming to kiss me and take Harley

Seeing them together warmed my heart and with things getting more dangerous anything could happen, I need to tell him, if something happens and I never got to tell him it would eat away at me

“Can I…..can I talk to you for a moment”

“Course baby girl, ye okay?” He asks leading me to the chapel, I sit up in the table as he takes his usual seat bouncing Harley in his knee

“I wanted to tell you but you’ve been so stressed and I know this would just make it worse but now with everything going on and how dangerous it’s got I can’t keep it to myself anymore” I say quickly twirling my fingers nervously

“Yer scaring me lassy” I take a deep breath

“I’m pregnant….” He sighs running his hand through his hair

“Shite, for a ol man I’m bloody great at getting ye pregnant”

“Match made in heaven I guess”

“How far along?”

“About 2 and a half months”

“Bet it’s a lad this time” he smiled rubbing my little bump he’s only just noticed

“Oh really”

“Aye, I’m putting Tigs on ye for extra protection while I’m not with ye”

“Sure he’ll love that” I laugh knowing he hates missing out on the action

“AYE TIGGY” he yells out and somehow over the crowd he heard it coming into the quieter room

“You called, I was in the middle of sweet talking a fine piece of ass”

I scoff

“Our Princess hear just told me she’s pregnant again, gonna need ye to watch out fer her”

“Awe come on man shits just about to get good”

“What’s more important you shooting bastards up or my girl and children?” Chibs groans and I see Tigs relax

“Our Princess of course, congrats doll” he says coming to give me a hug

“You both gotta stop going at it like bunnies” he laughs patting Chibs on the back before leaving

“You’ve got three to come back to now, you remember that Filip”

“Aye” he smirks

•

The club was out doing god knows what and Tigs was with me, both me and Harley completely restless, it’s been days here and I needed to get out

“Tiiiiigs can we go out or something, maybe go get some food that’s now soup and stale bread” I groan

“Don’t know sweetheart right now’s not the best timing”

“Come onnnnn how can you say no to her sweet face” I pour hold up Harley to him, her big doe eyes staring into his soul

“Ugh shit fine but only for a bit, Chibs will have my head if we’re out by the time he gets back” I squeal and we head to a truck

We head to the closest convenient shop, I get a corn dog and ice cream, Tigs picking up so fries and chicken, we pay and head out side, rounding the corner a guys there and smacks a gun against Tigs head and he falls to the ground groaning, the gun keeps him down pointing a gun to his head

Then I hear a click behind me feeling the barrel of a gun pressed to my head

“Couldn’t find any of you, boys had you nice and locked away but what a treat to see the bastards ol lady and child out” a man says with some crazy racist tattoos, the other Irish

“Don’t you touch her you bastards” tigs growls

“Please don’t hurt my baby” I hold her close as she starts to whine

“You bastard SAMCRO think you can get away with anything, we’re here to teach you scum bags a lesson” the Irish one drags me away to a van the white power one follow quick leaving me screaming for tigs but it was too late

“Please don’t hurt us, I haven’t done anything” I try to sooth Harley but she keeps crying

“Aye but those damn bikers did and they’ll feel the pain through what we’re gonna do to you”

After the drive they pull me out dragging me into a big wooden bar, wrapping a chain around my ribs and locking it around a weight barring wooden beam

Sitting on the dirt as they loom over me

“Please please don’t do this…..I’m pregnant”

“Then I guess ye won’t miss this lil girl much” the Irish man says taking Harley from my arms and I scream and pull against the chains but it’s no use

“NO THATS MY BABY DONT TAKE HER FROM ME” he doesn’t say anything as he walked out of the barn talking my Harley, my baby girl, hearing her screaming ripping me apart

“Now time to send a message” the man says cracking his knuckles

•

Part.8

Taglist: @vixennox1864 @word-scribbless @uknowmesstuff @transparentbouquetturtle @ilikebandzzs @tommyflanaganfan-blog @youngadult9016 @prettylittlepsycho03 @staley83 @buckysteveloki-me @bonnyclydecat @itsmytimetoodream @stories4you04-x

[dovesdreaming]

Hihihi!! This a kinda specific request that might not make sense but im gonna try anyway (ive like never requested anything so this also might be bad in general). Could you possibly make a Bucky Barnes or Tony Stark with a gn!reader with powers that are kinda like Hecate kids in the pjo universe (necromancy, umbrakinesis, bone control, ect) reader is like a kid who just wants their ded family back.

Family drawings

Hi thank you for your request it was amazing don’t worry! I’m sorry if it doesn’t all sound like a kid reader I’ve never written for one before! I hope you enjoy it I feel like I could have written this better <3

Not proofread

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: talk of blood, violence

It was your average low level mission for the avengers, raiding an empty hydra base for any files they had left behind. They were more careful going into these bases now as they have had one too many blow up on them. Steve was the mission leader as usual and he was the first to scope out the area before sending the rest in. Clint and Natasha searched the outer buildings while Steve and Bucky searched the two first floors of the main building. Steve sent Tony to search the basement while Bruce stayed in the jet, ready for any medical emergencies.

Everything had been going smoothly, the comms was filled with chatter instead of orders. No one had found anything yet but they hadn’t finished searching. Tony was still in the basement doing his usual shenanigans, listening to AC/DC instead of comms. He wasn’t paying much attention knowing this area never had anything in from previous missions. He thought this particular basement looked worse for wear than some of the others he had seen. Chills ran through him as he saw child like drawings on some of the walls, they showed families holding hands and some writing that he wasn’t able to make out. He was slightly more creeped out than usual but he carried on, he turned around and continued to look around. It was quite dark and most of the wall edges were covered in darkness so when he made a figure out in one of the car corners he thought he was just seeing things. Yet as he moved closer he started to believe it may be someone more and more. They had a smaller frame and looked quite malnourished. They were sat with the head covered by their knees unmoving. Tony approached and crouched down a bit as to not scare them. Yet it didn’t seem to work as they lifted their head they scrambled away from Tony as best as they could but he had affectively trapped them in a corner. He heard a quiet strained plee of “please don’t hurt me”. It managed to send a pang of hurt through Tony’s heart, which not many things did.

Your perspective-

You had a happy childhood up until you were seven when a heavy bang came from the front door of your house one day. Men in big protective gear that covered any defining features stormed in the house, your parents trying to shield you while telling them there must be a mistake, they hadn’t done anything. Yet nothing seemed to work they were adamant they wanted you and your parents couldn’t allow that so they tried to protect you which sadly cost them their lives. You had been carried away while crying and thrashing by one of the dark men. You didn’t have anything from your childhood your last memory being a glance back into your house, seeing your parents covered in red.

It had been a while since then, you didn’t even know how long. You hadn’t seen the outside world or the sun in years. Hydra had taken you as you possessed special attributes which lended to experiments they wanted to carry out. These experiments had turned you into a weapon, they were halfway through training you when you didn’t cooperate with them anymore. You had enough of their beatings and abuse so you used the powers they gave you against them. They abandoned the mission and left you there to starve. You could have gone outside the base but you were too scared to venture into the outside world alone. You didn’t know what the outside was like anymore. So you sat scrunched up in the corner with a rumbling stomach and heart ache from missing your parents. You had scared yourself a lot by accidentally casting shadows as you didn’t know how to fully control your powers yet. You sat there alone waiting but you didn’t know what for.

You had remained in the basement where they left you until now when you were staring wide eyed at a robot. Or what you thought was a robot until he opened his mask. He promised he would help you but you didn’t know if you could trust him he could just be another version of hydra. He just asked you to follow him outside at least to meet the rest of them. So you tentatively followed behind him, keeping your distance.

As you came up the steps you were met with sunlight for the first time in a while. You were also met with the faces of the other avengers they didn’t look mean like hydra did but you were still scared.

-

They had taken you back to the avengers tower and fed you a good meal, you felt safe for the first time in ages. You didn’t trust them yet but you thought they were better than hydra.

It had been a few weeks since you arrived at the tower and everyone had welcomed you like their own child. Tony took particular interest in you. You liked to sit in his lab with him, quietly watching him work. You had even danced to his music on many occasions which made him laugh. Most nights you fell asleep in his lab and when he turned around to ask you a question he would realise and stop what he was doing to carry you up to bed. This had helped him improve his sleep schedule aswell going to bed after tucking you into yours. Tonight after he tucked you in he noticed drawings on your table. He picked them up and looked through them noticing how they were similar to the ones he saw in the basement, drawings of happy families with disproportionate limbs. He sadly smiled until he looked at the last one. It was a drawing of a man in a robot suit holding the hand of a small child. Arrows pointed towards the man scribbled out Tony. His heart melted, something he thought he was incapable of. Tony vowed to protect you like his own from that day on and that he did. He trained you how to use your powers but not to be a weapon but to protect others. However every now and then your powers took control of you due to hydras faulty work and it led you to conjure evil shadows of hydra men and your parents. It pained him to see you in such a state afterwards, all he could do for you was hold you to calm you down.

You grew up surrounded by a loving makeshift family, while you still missed your parents you were grateful for everyone around you. Tony had become a father figure to you over the years and you still spent nights together in his lab, you now helping him work on things and even creating your own inventions. You also used your powers to defeat hydra with the rest of the avengers and any bone injuries the team acquired you were always called over to heal them. You were proud of how far you had come from when you were in that basement, you were seen as a protector now instead of a weapon and you couldn’t have done it without the help of the team but especially Tony. You were always grateful looking back on the day he found you in that basement.

Everyone had also noticed Tony soften over the years, he especially had a soft spot for you and the team would use that to their advantage. They saw how he became a better person because of you.

Thank you for reading!

[schizotypalpd-culture-is]

major cw for venting abt rumination, unreality and paranoia...

questioning stpd + bpd culture is freaking out alot and never being able to keep an account for long and getting immediately suspicious as well as hella inferior to ("they're gonna find out something about me idk what but i know")/anxious of anyone who is too enthusiastic about you (and conversely trying to talk to people who are not as available at all), not being able to use youtube much anymore because u think all the videos could be talking about you even tho its just a tactic to address the viewer to watch but u feel so fucking called out by every little thing, getting angry at the screen and always typing mean shit in the search bar in case somethings watching (but still being addicted to the internet), feeling intrusive at every family function for no reason, feeling like an idiot trying to speak more than one or two words on most days bc it gets jumbled or u literally cannot remember even names or what u did 2 days ago, having the weirdest blend of disgruntled/confused/concerned stare with little response at all whenever u try to describe ur problems and mind, having breakdowns when u try to make friends irl, and really needing help but too scared of being invalidated/mistreated/laughed at and also its a big process i dont fully understand or have much help with and being watched/monitored by family is my nightmare. then ruminating for hours feeling guilty bc the other part of u knows its not all about u, negative grinch!! but u cant escape the feeling or the possibility. then u get scared somethings watching ur brain judging and u spend more hours arguing with yourself or the entity and freaking out which the stress and sleep deprivation turns into hallucinating ghosts (then u think... OMG she cursed me! im haunted! its this house! my vibes are so bad ghosts want me out of here.) and having nobody to tell abt it. so u write about it in a document cuz u literally cant verbalise delusions hoping whatever medical professional will see it wont disregard it because you are somewhat self aware/introspective (to the point that you're just obsessing over your own thoughts not really anything like ooh enlightenment. oh and then u ruminate that maybe youre not sick enough... then get angry at imaginary people who would dare think that... wait im an asshole! people can think what they want! whats my problem! im so mean! que rumination about that), post online then get paranoid about it again and tbh u dont know why u post it but it has to go somewhere, to someone. itll probably drive everyone away but i don't know where else to go. maybe ill be honest and show my true face. but do people even do that? am i something to be hidden? im so tired and cant even cope with people walking outside my window and i look creepy when i figure out what theyre doing by standing at the window then i panic thinking they think im a creep going to do bad things.

.

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul. 

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan. 

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was. 

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that. 

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er. 

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do. 

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever. 

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im. 

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one. 

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But… 

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest. 

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia. 

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹 

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle. 

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it. 

“I like you, Dar.” 

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time. 

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.” 

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.” 

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time. 

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night. 

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did. 

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me. 

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this. 

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?” 

“Fine.” 

“Just fine?” She smiles. 

“Good.” I clarify. 

“Good.” 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.” 

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once. 

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.” 

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?” 

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what?  she just laughs.  

Shit. 

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’. 

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it.  She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived. 

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated.  And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three. 

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that. 

How didn’t I see it? 

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things. 

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit. 

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse. 

‘Til the walkers hear me. 

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else. 

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia. 

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it. 

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more. 

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it. 

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all. 

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.” 

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me. 

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.” 

“Stop callin’ me tha’.” 

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.” 

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.” 

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh. 

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t. 

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.” 

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?” 

She did come back. 

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question. 

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it. 

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know. 

“Think it was more the other thing you said.” 

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper. 

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.” 

What? “Why not?” 

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.” 

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again. 

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it. 

[sheeezu]

First I just want to say Im a big fan of your work. You are probably the only person I trust about this topic due to your authenticity or maybe it’s called vibration? Idk I’m only a week into this stuff. This might have tons of mistakes in grammar and thinking and if so my b. I’ve been practicing this shifting stuff and just now had a peculiar experience I need help discerning. Forgive me if it’s a little incoherent as I am a not so coherent person. I want to explain a little about me first. I’ve always had very vivid dreams and nightmares growing up. Eventually I was able to lucid dream for weeks on end until I kept getting sleep paralysis and that scared me off. I’m in college now so funnily enough I had enough nightmares where it’s not so scary anymore. Also I’ve been a massive daydreamer or “imagineer”, could be a word idk rolling with it, and always lived my school days just fantasizing about having superpowers. Either way this all leads up to here where I discovered reality shifting and eventually finding you. “Awesome Sauce”. Despite my whimsical nature I was or am having a hard time detaching from the physical, but thanks to affirmations for some reason tonight I felt really positive about shifting. Not like a weak-willed shaky “I will shift”, but like an intuition for it if that makes sense.

I’ve been using your new void state subliminal, and it worked wonders for meditation, but it kinda felt like my body was using the sound and feeling of my headphones as a tether to this reality, so I tried just winging it and rested in a comfortable position. I was intending to shift to a blank reality like an isolated white room. I never wrote a script for it since I was just visualizing, but something happened. I think I might have shifted to a house. I never wrote a script for it so could I have accidentally shifted somewhere else? I’m trying to figure all this out so I’m just gonna say what it was like.

It felt a little different than a dream because I remained mentally awake from the get go. My first thoughts were “wtf i shifted?”, and I did a little dance. So I got to exploring the house. A family which Im guessing was mine was there. I raided the fridge and pulled out some grapes. I could definitely taste them and I had breakfast with my assumed to be mom. I quickly got up and just started walking around the house. I looked through a dvd cabinet and could read the writing and flipped through some of the shows. They were like alternate versions of some we have here but with slightly different names and cover art. Then my vision went black and I heard a voice in my head. For some reason I instinctively figured it was that reality’s me and it asked what I was doing. I did say a little half truth or maybe it was a full truth of “Im seeing what kind of person this me is”. I wasn’t really I just kinda was excited and wanted to search the house. During the blackout it didn’t answer me but I suddenly woke up. I forgot to mention this was the second fading out as the first one had no voice, but I kinda brute forced my imagination into staying there. I also forgot to mention there was a longer period of me just walking around the house and checking out a few of the rooms.

In retrospect, this may very well be a strange dream, but I felt way too aware as compared to usual. Things were also a lot more detailed than usual. I would really like this to have been a shift, but sadly the nagging part of my brain wants to doubt it. So I figured I’d ask the expert for consultation.

quick rapid fire q&a

How is manifesting and reality shifting tied? Is manifesting just reality shifting, but people don’t realize they just shifted?

If they aren’t could you just manifest someone to have the ability to shift? I think the answer is no since we all have separate consciousness but idk.

What’s your all time favorite food? I can’t give one but I really like fried foods with sauces.

Thank you so much for being you!

☃️

First of all, you write better than I've ever did.

Secondly, I'd say that was a shift. In my void state subliminal I've layered it 3 times with my creator mentality one, which had a lot of affirmation regarding reality manipulation and such, and a few shifting affirmations.

If you had an intention to shift- then I'd double confirm that you shifted!

(How about you script to a fun reality of your dreams now??)

For the rapid fire

1.Manifestation and shifting realites are directly proportional to one another, our consciousness creates reality. Manifestation is creating a reality where some of our chosen desires are present. Shifting is creating a reality, which we want to experience. You could manifest the same way you'd try to shift. It comes down to personal beliefs and such, since beliefs are by which (i know its getting repetitive) reality is created.

2. You can't. Because while you would be able to manifest all fine from your side, the desired person would get their master abilities in shifting but here's the twist, those changes will only occur in your reality. The reality of the other person is solely dependant on them, but if they were to believe that someone else manifesting for them means they'll become an expert in shifting, then they'll become one. And now you're both happy, although existing in your separate little mental worlds.

3. I'm a huuuugeee sucker for pasta! Any type, just make it so pipping hot that it burns my tongue and I don't even get any flavour from it- but still, comfort meal!

(More specifically, lasagna, call me Garfield from this point onwards I suppose)

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Guess Who's back ✨

Anyways..What would Jeff be like if he found out Reader was pregnant?

AGHHH I LOVE GETTING TO WRITE FOR DOMESTIC SITUATIONS!!

Weddings, babies, moving in together i love it all 💗

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeff finding out you're pregnant

Jeff has always been firm on the notion that he does not want kids

He thinks kids are annoying and gross and stinky

And there's also some insecurity of him not being able to be a good dad, considering his job, his upbringing, even his appearance

All around, kids are a firm no for him

So when you begin experiencing morning sickness he kind of just denies the very possibility that you could even get pregnant

But you, being at least a little more reasonable than him, decides its better safe than sorry and goes out to buy a test

When you get back, you inform him that you're gonna take the test just to be sure to which he straight up laughs

"You won't need it, because I can tell you right now you're not pregnant"

And so, after a few minutes of waiting anxiously after taking the test, you look at the results and see....a positive

A hand goes to your stomach, the tears already streaming down your face

Jeff, who decided he would wait with you snatches the test and does several takes

He's honestly just speechless, he didn't even really think he could get anyone pregnant, which may have just been wishful thinking on his part

He looks at you, and you look at him

Your face is one of pure joy, and his is a mix of confusion, fear and disgust

"We aren't keeping it, right?" He asks after looking at your face for a while

You frown and smack his arm "jeff! How could you even suggest that?!"

"We aren't prepared for a kid! We've never even talked about it! Not to mention, what kind of life would that kid have?? Growing up in a house full of murderers and monsters, the kid's guaranteed to be fucked in the head!"

"You aren't even going to give this a chance?" You ask frustratedly "you created this with me, you know! The least you could do is take responsibility!"

He groans and storms out of the room, leaving you to cry alone

When he gets back he is less angry, and clearly just got done "blowing off some steam" made clear by the fresh blood on his hoodie

You aren't crying anymore, he comes into the room and sighs before sitting with you on your bed

You are both very quiet for a while, just sitting together

He finally speaks, but he doesn't look at you. He couldn't bear to

"I love you, you know? I just get....i just feel really scared right now because I don't know what to do. I'm not in control and that scares me"

You look at him and place a hand on his cheek "if you wanna get rid of it, then we can discuss our options?" You offer

He shakes his head "i dont wanna get rid of it....i just...i don't want to mess this up, you know?"

You scoot closer to him and lay your head on his shoulder "you won't mess it up..." you look at your stomach and then grab his hand and place it on your lower belly "if you love this baby as much as you love me, theres no way you could" you say looking up at him with a smile

He looks at your stomach and then at you "im still so, so scared" he whispers to you "i dont know anything"

You kiss his nose and press your forehead to his "it's ok. We'll learn together"

He smiles "ok"

After that first whole fight, he actually gets pretty excited about the baby!

You manage to pay slender to get a room that you can make into a nursery, and announce the news to your close friends

Jeff is always buying things for the baby. Toys, clothes, blankets, etc

He also loves to talk to the baby, telling your little one all about the day that he had and how much he loves them

He's still hates kids, but his kid is amazing

(Also authors note i wanna write more general preganancy hcs for jeff bc hes so silly)

[baddieland09]

May I please request a TWD fic where the reader joins the prison after the woodbury war and stays silent until Carol finds them crying. Including dialogue “i don’t have anyone anymore” “you have me”

You’re never alone

-

Carol x Fem reader

Summary:after the attack on Woodbury you have never been the same always quiet and by thereself

Word count:

Warnings:Angst,Fluff,death um i don’t know what else really

Authors note:I didn’t know if you meant like found family or relashonship wise so I didnt found family but if it was something else in mind Im sorry😭 tell me and I’ll fix it

-

It had been a couple weeks since the war between Rick and his group and Woodbury everyone I knew and cared for was dead including my family It hurt a lot knowing I’d never be able to have memory’s with them again

I remember after the war I had woken up in a large room stairs and food around, tables and one big door to a bigger room cells

I was scared I didn’t know where I was or who I was with or if I was safe I then remember a person named Rick coming in with two other people Daryl and Glenn

I remember them asking a lot of questions my name,who my family was,how many people have a killed,how many walkers have I killed I was hesitant to answer but with the threat of going outside by myself I answered short worded answers

After that they let me in and it has been another 1 week after that and I wouldn’t talk to anyone just stayed in my cell and did my chore’s

It was currently dinner time and I hadn’t come out to eat yet I wasn’t hungry I don’t know why I just wasn’t in fact I felt sick to my stomach

I just quietly went outside I wasn’t supposed to be but I did it anyways like most nights I did it helped me clear my head

I walked around the outside of the prison ignoring the groans and moans of the walkers outside of the fences I kill a couple then just go to a different area

I climb onto a higher area of ruble just thinking about everything life had changed so fast I didn’t know how to deal with it I was still young

I hear a noise and look around it wasn’t a walker but it sounded close and human like so I quickly climb down trying to run back inside

I didn’t know if it was someone trying to hurt me or just another memeber of Ricks group coming outside maybe to keep watch I don’t know but I quickly climbed thru a window going back inside

I went back to my room seeing a couple people stare at me but I didn’t care I enjoyed my time alone and I didn’t owe anyone a explanation about where I was or what I was doing

I sit on my bed rubbing my eyes and deciding I’d go to bed because what else is there to do

The next day I got up a little early still seeing the sun was rising the orangey hue making me shield my eyes as I leave me cell quietly

I look for some food finding some left over from last night hearing a noise from behind me I quickly turned around scared it would be a walker who got in

Instead I saw carol she was one of the first people to talk to me and was always nice to me but I really didn’t talk to her or anyone for that matter

“I saw you outside last night you know youre not supposed to do that it’s dangerous” She says

I nod grabbing the leftovers and take a bite chewing then swallowing the food

“So?” I said she rolled her eyes at that

“You need to be at least more safe if you’re gonna go out like that bring a gun or knife and more than one” She corrects me

“I already have those” I then tried to correct her

“This is the most I’ve heard you talk since you’ve got here” she laughs a little

I went back to my room eating the food like a starved man I just didn’t like being around a lot of people at the moment

It was dinner once again and I came downstairs deciding for once to join them even if I didn’t talk just going to eat or get my food and leave

I got my food and went back to my room eating the food before sneaking back outside once again not knowing someone saw me and then them deciding to follow me

I sat on the ruble again just thinking back to it how wrong it was how everyone I knew had died how it was too late to go back and change what happened

I sat there and began picking at the skin around my fingers a habit I had picked up since the beginning of the apocalypse I just wanted my old life back but I couldn’t and I had to get over it and THATS what I always told myself

I feel myself start to tear up I try to hold it back telling myself it wouldn’t help and also I didn’t want to attract any more walkers there already was

It was to late tho as I began crying into my sleeve trying to cover myself everything was to fast I missed my parents I missed my freinds I missed everything it wasn’t fair I was just a kid

I didn’t notice someone getting closer as I kept crying hitting the jacket because I was getting louder I didn’t hear the footsteps or anything

I could feel someone’s eyes on me and quickly grabbed my knife as I wiped my eyes turning my head quickly ready for the worst

I see carol thats the face I saw

“G-go away leave me alone” I tried to push her away but in that moment I didn’t want too

“Are you okay?” She said with so much concern and THATS all it took for me to break down again turning my head away from her in embarrassment

Those three simple words was all it took for me to break I hear her walk closer and sit beside me waiting for me to say something and I couldn’t I just kept quiet trying to stop crying

“It’s okay you know to cry you went thru a lot” I hear her say as I wipe my eyes but I was still crying as I feel more tears on my waterline

“I-it’s not okay tho” I quickly say

“I don’t have anyone anymore” I say as the tears roll down my cheeks

“You have me”

I quickly started crying again I feel her wrap her arms around me rubbing my back as I cried into her jacket holding onto her like a little kid

“Im here for you know whether you like it or not”

I just nod and she kept her promise

[d8nielaa]

Okay I just read your Sodapop x Reader one where he writes intrusive thoughts and I am in love with it. I need more.

I was thinking like what if Soda goes to Darrel and tells him about everything and Darry tells him that he should tell you how he feels. One day he remembers an old song he wrote for you when you were dating, like “Simple” by Jason, “Hey Hailey” by Jason, “My Ego Loves You” by Jason or any other love song lol. So one day he decides to play it for you again and he tells you that he doesn’t care what the Socs are gonna say or do to him as long as he gets to be with you. He’s so in love with you that he can’t just let it end like that. He wants you and he knows that you are the one he wants to be with for life. When he plays you the song, you remember all the good times you had and when he first played you the song and you obviously take him back because how could you not??? 😝

Authors Note: o m gee im sooo glad you liked the first one! ofcc ll write this for you! the long awaited part two!

Simple

Sodapop Curtis x fem!reader

"There’s a month till this season ends and looking at you"

Sodapop Curtis was never one to keep things bottled up—he was open, a ball of energy and emotion who wore his heart on his sleeve. But when it came to you, the love of his life, there were days when his feelings overwhelmed him in the quietest ways. He had kept his distance after things fell apart between the two of you. He’d been scared, unsure of what to say or how to fix it. But he couldn’t deny the truth any longer—he loved you. And he couldn’t imagine a life without you in it.

It was the night after another long day at the DX house when he found himself in the kitchen, talking with Darry.

Soda had been mulling over his thoughts all day. After that conversation with you weeks ago, where everything seemed to slip through his fingers, he’d been doubting himself, second-guessing every decision. The Socs had said their things, and sure, they had hurt him, but it wasn’t that. It was the thought of losing you that really gnawed at him. And he knew Darry, of all people, would get it.

"It’d be a shame if we stay just friends"

“Darry,” Soda started, running his hands through his messy hair. He hadn’t been able to shake the nagging feeling in his chest. “What should I do? I can’t stop thinking about her.”

Darry, his older brother, paused from what he was doing, glancing over at him with that look—the one that said he’d been waiting for this conversation to happen.

“You need to talk to her, Soda,” Darry said quietly, setting down the dish he was holding. “You’ve been through a lot, and yeah, it’s hard. But if you want her back, you have to tell her how you feel. No more running. You can’t just wait around for things to get better. You need to show her that you love her. You always had the right words. Now it’s time to use them.”

"I’m a little nervous with pretty girls, I’m sure you can tell, I fumble words with pretty girls"

Soda let out a breath, still unsure, but something in Darry’s voice made him believe he could actually do it. “But what if she’s moved on? What if she doesn’t want me anymore?”

Darry shrugged. “You won’t know unless you try. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, kid.”

The words hung in the air long after Darry had left the kitchen, and Soda stood there for a few moments, staring at the counter. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind, but the one thing that remained clear was that he had to try. He couldn’t let you slip through his fingers.

A few days later, Soda found himself standing outside your house, a familiar knot twisting in his stomach. He had picked up the old guitar he hadn’t touched in a while, a relic from a time when you’d sit on the porch and sing songs together. The same guitar that once carried a melody he’d written just for you.

"Is it alright if I, alright if I Know where we’re going is nowhere"

He couldn’t get the words out of his head. He had written it years ago, a song that captured every ounce of his feelings for you. The words had been raw, heartfelt, and when he first played it for you, it had felt like his heart had bared itself completely.

Taking a deep breath, he rang the doorbell, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. You opened the door, looking a little surprised, but your smile made him feel like home.

“Soda…” you greeted softly, stepping aside to let him in.

"We can’t have me running my mouth saying shit like-"

He hesitated for a second, running his fingers over the guitar’s strings. “Hey, I… I have something for you,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

You furrowed your brow but sat down on the couch, patting the spot beside you. “What’s up?”

Soda took a seat beside you, strumming the guitar slowly to tune it. “Remember that song I wrote for you? The one I used to play on the porch?”

A soft smile tugged at your lips, and you nodded. “How could I forget? That song was… everything.”

"I just want some company Don’t want no fancy thing I just don’t want to feel alone"

“Yeah,” he mumbled, eyes flicking to yours. “Well, I wrote it for you. And I never stopped meaning it.”

You looked at him, something in your gaze softening as you reached for his hand. “Soda, we’ve been through so much. You know I—”

He stopped you with a gentle squeeze. “I know. But I need to tell you something, okay? And I need you to hear me out.”

You nodded, now fully focused on him as he gazed at you with an intensity that almost took your breath away.

“I know the Socs have said their stuff, and things got messy. But I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care what anyone else says or thinks,” he confessed, the words flowing now, raw and unfiltered. “I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you. And I can’t just let this go. You’re the one I want to be with. You’re the one I want for the rest of my life.”

His voice cracked a little, but there was no mistaking the sincerity in his eyes. The love that was there had never faded, and it was now spilling out like a wave crashing on the shore.

You blinked, feeling the weight of his words settle deep in your chest. The memories flooded back—the good times, the laughter, the long nights spent together. The feeling of his arms around you, the sound of his voice singing to you. And then, the song—the one that had always meant so much more than just a few chords.

“I was hoping,” he continued, “that you’d let me play it for you again. Because I meant every word, and I still do.”

With that, he began to play, his fingers skillfully strumming the guitar. The melody filled the room, so familiar and tender, and you closed your eyes for a moment, letting the music wrap around you.

As the song played, you couldn’t help but remember the way you’d felt the first time he played it for you. The excitement, the butterflies, the way you’d melted into each other’s arms as the music spoke the words you didn’t know how to say.

When the song ended, Soda looked at you, his breath shaky. “I’m not asking for you to forget everything, or to pretend nothing happened. I just—just want a chance to make things right. Because you’re it for me, Y/N. I want to spend my life with you.”

"If I wanted you some other way I’d need you to say that you’ll stay"

Tears welled up in your eyes, and before you even realized it, you were leaning forward, pressing your lips to his in a kiss that spoke louder than words ever could.

Soda kissed you back, his hands gently cupping your face, pulling you closer as if he couldn’t bear to let go. When he pulled away, his eyes were wide, searching yours for any sign of hesitation.

“Does that mean…?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You smiled, heart full, as you nodded. “How could I not take you back, Soda? You’re everything to me.”

"And needing someone hurts a ton So let’s keep it simple"

A relieved breath escaped his lips, and for the first time in a long while, he felt like his world was falling into place again. No more doubts. No more second-guessing. It was you and him, and that was all that mattered.

“I love you,” he said, the words simple, but the meaning behind them enough to make your heart race.

“I love you too,” you whispered back, feeling the promise of forever between you both.

And in that moment, with the music still lingering in the air and the world outside forgotten, you knew that no matter what anyone else thought, you two would make it through. Together.

"Cause damn your smile so perfect And your hand it just fits In mine is it off if I just stare into your eyes Without a plan for making you mine"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Authors Note: im tired

[sillysaurus]

wanted to answer some of these

What's your big age: 18

What ages do you regress to: mainly around 0-5?

Baby, toddler, or big kid: mainly toddler/preschool and baby, rarely older than those

Do you pet regress: no, i do identify with bunnies though (maybe bunnykin??)

Are you also a caregiver: no, and i don't want to be in that position

How long have you been regressing: since i was about 12? so like 6 years?

Is your regression voluntary or involuntary: mostly involuntary, but i will induce it voluntarily in almost all of my free time

What is your personality like when regressed: fussy/sensitive, whiney crybaby im ngl, quiet/not talkative, but giggly, clingy, shy/sheepish, curious, despite being sensitive and difficult i am always well behaved

How often do you regress: im almost always kind of regressed, but usually i am masking and able to act my age, but if something triggers me more i wont be able to act my age anymore

What puts you into headspace: praise, petnames, baby talk/cooing, gentle/soft tones of voice, people doing things for me, being tired/scared/in pain/sick

What pulls you out of headspace: nsfw, violence, romance, sometimes people cursing (i do a lot and cant stop myself unfortunately), being in public (usually)

Do you have a baby voice in headspace: maybe? kind of? idk but i do talk a bit differently, honestly i talk a lot less but when i do its short words/broken sentences, whiny/softer in tone, etc.

Why do you regress: its mostly involuntary (because of trauma, i believe) but i do it voluntarily as well because its the only time i really feel safe and happy (even though a lot of my regression is negative/vent)

Neon, pastel, neutral, or dark colors: either pastel or dark. odd combo, but i wear black most of the time due to being alternate but my favorite color is blue! i love light/baby blues

Favorite regression clothes: i still wear my alternative clothing style while regressed but i like big hoodies and fuzzy socks as well. i also really want overalls and bloomers!

Do you have a caregiver: no (i would like one, some day)

Do you have any sibbies: no (unsure about having them, open to it i guess?)

Favorite petnames: sweetheart, sweet boy, (anything with 'sweet'), little boy, hun/honey, bud/buddy, goober

Favorite snack: applesauce, fruits, yogurt

Favorite movie(s): the nightmare before christmas, the BFG, sharkboy and lavagirl, rugrats go to paris

Favorite cartoon(s): craig of the creek, rugrats, curious george, summercamp island, alvin and the chipmunks, kindergarten the musical, tmnt

Favorite game(s): animal crossing, stardew valley, twisted wonderland, slime rancher, cookie run

Do you have a comfort character: könig, eyeless jack, laughing jack, moondrop, idia shroud, sundrop, nanami (jjk),

Are you easily scared: yes, scared of thunder, heights, the dark, yelling, etc. and just very nervous and sensitive in general

Independent or dependent: i dont want to be independent but im forced to at the moment, my dream is to be very dependent one day

Do you use a pacifier: yes, usually when im sleepy, upset, or grinding my teeth. i only have one but i want more

Do you use diapers: i wish…

Gear wishlist: everything! a crib, kid/soft books, indoor tent, bottles, sippy cups, plates, silverware, etc, diapers, idk if they make ones big enough but hopefully a high chair, car seat, baby bouncer, and ball pit as well

Favorite regression item: i only have one pacifier and some dinosaur sippy cups but i love them <3

Do you have a bedtime: no (i stay up late) but i would like one, not gonna happen until i get a caregiver though

Do you have rules: no, but one day when i have a caregiver i would like them, unsure about what though besides a bedtime. hopefully they can get me to stop cursing as well

Favorite animal(s): bunnies, marine animals, pigs, monkeys

Favorite holiday: halloween!

Favorite season: autumn/fall

Are your agere interests more fem or masc: definitely masc. dinosaurs, trains, construction vehicles, monster trucks, cartoons/movies/books about boys, tmnt

Do you stim more when regressed: im almost always regressed but yes, mainly vocal stims when im really feeling small

Favorite site/app for regression community: here!! tumblr! i was on reddit and instagram back in the day… (i still use instagram but not much)

What's your favorite thing to learn about in headspace: im learning spanish and german! but i just like learning in general, i like when people tell/teach me about things!

[aether-friskets]

Why I Headcanon Waylon Park as a Trans Guy?

it came to me in a dream.

ok but jokes aside (well not entirely it DID actually originate because of a dream i had getting interrupted by a nonexistent video essay on the topic... dreams are weird man), i do want to try talking about my reasoning for this (although it's totally legit to hc a character as trans purely because you want to!! thats totally based also lol), because maybe it'd be interesting to hear the lens through which i saw this game? idk lol but i'm doing it anyway... below the cut in case it gets long

Ok immediate prefaces, A: i doubt this was actually the intended at all and i'm not trying to say it's canon, just saying why i read it that way :3 and B: this will probably be a rambling mess and I apologize, I'll try to make it somewhat make sense.

I guess I'll start with: a whole major thing of Outlast, is fighting to tear down this large corporation, that is like. the embodiment of shitty systems that exploit people (this post by bry mentions that general topic, although more focused on miles' angle). It's worth noting because, to me at least, fighting these sorts of systems really aligns with a lot of queer folks (and basically any group that gets fucked over by the system, which is most of them loll). There's like, this whole thing of Waylon seemingly fitting that image of the ideal typical man, with the wife and kids and a job, but he has to risk all of that to do what he feels is the right thing.

(Oh yeah, I guess quick tangent on that note. Yes I know in canon we literally see his dick lmao and also we know he has kids, which you might think would deter my hc here. but A: i already said ik it's probably not canon, i can still read into it regardless. B: intersex ppl exist. C: phalloplasty and other similar procedures exist. D: ppl can have kids in non-traditional way. so im prob not gonna cover that element of it more)

My brain hasn't been able to help but interpret his whole journey in a queer way, because i played it as a teenager still in the throes of understanding my identity and place in the world, so in the end this might not even make sense to anyone else. But, I'm trying to explain, so I'll continue to regardless.

I kind of saw it as Waylon hiding in the protection of an "ideal" life. On the surface he looks like he's in that American ideal family, but it's a subversion. He's only one of them because they think he is. Because he doesn't step out of line. Unlike Miles, who's more outspoken about issues, who seemingly has no one around him. He's treated as part of this "ideal" world, while working in the background to try and stop the exploitation and immoral acts going on.

When he's caught, when he's seen as something more complicated than first imagined, he's cast out. Lumped in with the same people being exploited by Murkoff already. He isn't "human" to them anymore. He's something else. Something they don't like.

Although the violence brought upon him is by the variants, it is still in part Murkoff's doing, since they fucked these people up via these experiments to a point of heightened violence and just generally ruining their lives more than they already had been by whatever they had done prior. That being said, they are still responsible for their own actions.

the stuff with Eddie is definitely the part that most resonated with me through this lens. I remember first playing it, and he scared me the most, for a lot of reasons. One of which being what he represented. He's The Groom. He wants someone to be his Bride, and you're it, even if you don't want that. As someone who's aroace AND already knew at that point that i wasn't a girl, this guy felt like a human embodiment of the pressures to fit what was expected of you. That one day, you'll be married and have kids. If you don't, then you're worthless.

But it's interesting especially, because Waylon IS married. He has kids already. He has that family. The difference is, in this hypothetical trans lens, he's not "really" in a traditional family. He's "pretending", as some might see it, because he's not "really one of them". Being Eddie's Bride is the situation that would've been expected of him, but he said "fuck that", and did his own thing.

Plus, like, with Eddie in particular, you will NEVER be what he wants. He will try to make his perfect bride, but you'll never be it. Even before Mount Massive, no one was what he wanted, judging by all the people he killed. He's a broken man desiring something but never liking his options.

Also just fucking. these lines from eddie make me lose my mind.

That part of you the world sees, they think it's perfect. As God intended. Even these idiots and lunatics see it. There's something special about you. On the surface. But when they look deeper, when anybody with eyes to see looks at what you truly are. That's why they don't trust you. You're not what you're meant to be. Not yet. This place can see into your mind. And the things you've done. Oh, they're a sin, darling.

like HELLO??

I know it's probably just Eddie rambling but it felt like he reached through the screen and grabbed me by the throat like.

Anyway in actual relation to my point. uh. Remember the thing I said about Waylon being a "fake" typical family? This kind of relates to that. Like, on the surface, he seems like he's got this perfect typical American family, he's "as God intended" (which. bro. i swear that exact phrase has been used against trans people so many times). But if you look closer, you'll realize there's more to it than that. Also like, going from the "as God intended" line to the thing about the things he's done being a sin, like hmmm. Maybe I'm reading into that too much, considering we know Eddie wants to make you into his Bride, so of course he's gonna think stuff like that. But still. It's a bit interesting to me.

Plus, it's interesting how, despite having a wife and kids, he's still more... feminized, I guess, than any other characters in this game. Both in the game itself, and within the fandom. Like, not just Eddie literally calling him a woman and trying to make him his bride, but also stuff like a variant near the beginning calling him a "pretty flower" before threatening him, Andrew (one of the staff) licking his face at the beginning of the game... A lot of violence and sexual-ish acts that are often directed at women in media. Even Frank, who I don't have as much to say about here, has some weirdly sexual undertones to his whole cannibalism thing.

This isn't entirely related but one part of the game that still sticks with me but I don't see mentioned as much, is near the beginning. Those guys stabbing the dead staff member. One of them remarks that "there are no observers here" and "do you think you're different? Something special?", which I think helps cement the whole idea that he's treated the same as the rest of people being exploited by Murkoff now. There's no turning back to that "ideal" life you were hiding in before. Hell, that's definitely reinforced more at the end of the game, when you choose to publish your footage, knowing Murkoff will come after you for it, and probably ruin your life. Maybe there's more interesting things to glean from that, but i thought they were interesting lines nonetheless.

anyway, overall I know this is probably just the ramblings of a trans/generally queer person reading WAY too much into a character that I happened to resonate with when i played the game, but i thought maybe it would be interesting for others to understand what would lead me to this conclusion? Anyway, that's all i've got on the subject right now, so I hope it was at least a little interesting.

[weebsinstash]

Hey, um, this post is about Allister and... his health is kind of, suddenly declining and because i know that's, upsetting, because I'm especially extremely upset after a discovery i made tonight, im gonna put a readmore down so you can scroll past if you want/need to

I've been keeping a close eye on Allister since the drooling which stopped after basically a day or two but roughly after that i came home from work a couple days later to a bed covered in vomit and i assumed it was nausea and queasiness, him getting over a bug or something and he ate too fast, and also there really wasn't anything i could do anyways, but his appetite never fully recovered. I weighed him on the 23rd and he's gained .5 pounds since then which doesn't sound like a lot but for cats it is, and especially that quickly and especially when he's actually been consistently eating less than usual

I realized tonight by palpitating his stomach or rather, not being able to properly do so, that he has become bloated, and given the sudden weight gain and decreased appetite, along with the former drooling and bowel problems, I'm. I'm unfortunately pretty positive Allister is developing organ failure like the vet initially suggested, although if it's his liver or heart, I wouldn't know without having tests run

I can't really even blame myself because I've been trying to save money as hard as I can. I've lowkey developed an eating disorder because I realized I don't actually eat often enough anymore and I've been losing weight for not getting enough calories because im either sleeping or executive dysfunction-doomscrolling foe hours to rhe point i forget to eat and then by that time it's so late at night i gotta eat sleep for dinner so i can get up to work the next day. Like my rent is going to be a few days late this month, for a second time in a row. I have rent, Allister's vet bill, and a medical bill each month, and even though I actually make enough money, one of those bills didn't go through back in november and I owe double now, so even as I make more money in the days or weeks to come, I'll still be behind until probably I receive my tax return, and now I'm scared that the new administration is going to give me less back. It's kind of a situation where I'm just barely enough behind that recovering has been really hard, and it's especially because hours are getting cut at work

I'm uh, I'm not begging for money but I wanted to tell you guys because some of you really like my sweet baby and I feel obligated to let those who have helped us out to know how he's doing, and... this isn't looking good. I really... CANT take him in at all without help from you guys, and I'm wondering if I can beg the vets to add a follow up/emergency visit to the same payment plan since this clearly involves previous issues and isn't a brand new problem. Cause. Adding to that payment plan would maybe be the only way I could treat him, and then i cant help but think, it's that just temporary and it'll come back

I just. It's rough for everyone right now. I've been still dealing with chronic pain and adjusting to my new lifestyle on top of everything going on in the world and the stress is definitely not insignificant

I don't know how long I can push not taking him in. I literally have to pay my rent first and then anything I can use would have to be forwarded through my job after a day's labor.

I remember their price to xray him and do a physically exam was typically between 100-175 but if he needs some sort of surgery, or ... he might not even have something fixable. It's like.... what's the cause of the fluid? Can we drain the fluid or is this... the end of the line? What are his chances? Is this treatable or is he just... on borrowed time until I can help....

I'm going to call them in the morning because I'm terrified but. I've also been trying to mentally prepare myself for this. Ever since the drooling incident I've been telling myself that that was a kidney failure symptom but I literally. I literally haven't had enough money to spare besides food and bills and personal care items to even have him checked out

I know I'm not a loser because I do try and I work hard and I'm good at my job and people like me when they get to know me but it just. It hurts. There's these feelings in my head if "well do you pay to try and treat him or do you euthanize him" "you are literally on a razors edge right now you might not even be able to afford treating him even with help"

I have to sleep because it's almost 1 in the morning and I have to call the vets tomorrow, if I can manage to sleep. Allister is here with me, but I can't help but feel his tummy and be reminded.... we may only have a little bit of time still left....

I really um cannot emphasize enough that this is only if you want to, but, here's my venmo if anyone wants to chip in, either foe food or my cat or... hopefully not creating my cat... I want ro have hope but.... I think he's been bloated for a little while now... hopefully he can wait to get taken in, but, it might already be a condition where there's nothing I could have done anyways... I can't do anything right now except try and cuddle him to sleep and call the vets in the morning 🥺

Part of me doesn't even want ro ask for money because who even knows if this is treatable. I'd feel like a thief if i somehow xouldnr fsd nI can always pay you guys back at a later date if that's also agreeable to you

Anyway, um... I just wanted to tell you guys... I'll be keeping a close eye on him, but financially my hands are pretty full 🥺 im sorry I don't have good news. He IS 11 after all... Maybe it's nothing I could have done anyways... The sudden weight gain and bloating just... doesn't give me a lot of hope. I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep with my little boy and try not to think of only bad scenarios

[vanikey]

im having Thoughts abt my living situation (past, present, and future) and im gonna ramble abt it on tumblr bc this blog is my diary

ive Officially lived on my own since april 2023 and i love it so much !!!!!! (tho if rent goes up any more and my job continues to have shit pay i may not get to anymore but anywayssss...) growing up i always wanted to live on my own but as i aged i grew fearful i wouldnt be able to bc of lack of independence emotionally, physically, and financially but i did it and i was worried id end up hating it or be lonely but no it fucks severely

that being said i loved living in my childhood home but couldve done with less constant people time LOL (or just more freedom ig) and then in college i lived with friends the whole time and that was a bit rocky for a while but the last few years (in the attic apartment) were amazing and i was sad to leave but at the same time i knew i had to if i wanted to eventually get my own place and i also had some fears abt my roommate (he hates living alone absolutely hates it and i loved living with him and hes said repeatedly he loved living with me but a part of me always wonders if thats bc it was me or if anyone wouldve done? like any friend/person that would spend time with him idk) (if my friend is reading this no youre not) (and it worked out anyway bc he moved states like a year or so after we stopped living together so i wouldve had to leave the attic apartment anyway lol) then i lived with my parents again and eventually found a job i lowkey hate but am usually neutral abt and got my own place and yeah!!

the Thing is one of my sisters and i always talked abt our dream houses and one day she merged it into us living together and also me helping her whenever she decides to have a kid (i offered to if we would be living together)(despite me not being comfortable with kids really idk i have 6 nieces/nephews aged 8 and under but i still dont know how to interact with them and am scared of babies and wont even hold them if theyre less than 6 months and even then it makes me so nervous) ANYWAYS i promised her id help her (even if its just like cleaning around the house or stuff like that) and maybe even try with baby/kid stuff bc shes planning on being a single mom

the thing is i knew she was being 100% serious and i do mean what i said but i also dont think i really Realized and also i may have been thinking hypothetically/jokingly kinda? without realizing? that that could be my actual future?? and shes potentially looking at getting a house rn and i wouldnt be moving into it anytime soon but she was asking me if id like to one day and is asking me abt stuff and it hit me like Oh Shit and i also realized her proposed deadline for starting to have her own kids is coming up in the next like 2-ish years (shes in her mid thirties) and im like. i actually dont want any of that lol

like i Just got out on my own? and id like to remain that way for a long time if possible? potentially forever?? and thinking on it if i ever got a house of my own i imagine itd be smaller and stuff and like the places we've talked abt id have my own space for sure like basically a mini apartment/basement scenario but thinking on it now i dont think thats good enough for me? bc someone will still be there living with me even if it is like upstairs or whatever and will be wanting to spend time with me that i may not want to be sharing (this was the first 18 years of my life lol) and not only that but there will be at least one if not two kids and ive never lived with anyone younger than me for an extended period of time and ahhhhhh

idk just having realizations ig and idk if theyll change or if I'll have to break her heart or if I'll have to put up with living with ppl again idkkkk