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peakyblindersxx · 4 years ago

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whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 6 of ?)

gif by my queen @michaelgreys, i'm basically her fanblog now but im not mad about it :) i mean just look at him!!1! i almost fainted

a/n: first of all, if you stuck around to this point, tysm for reading!!! this has been one of the most amazing fics ive ever been a part of and it's all thanks to the gorgeous @stxdyblr-2k, who generously took control of the next few parts. her brain is beautiful and we all owe her flowers or something. when i read what she sent me i couldn't bring myself to change much except for some small edits, so pls give her lots of love if you like it!!!! i'm still working on requests as well :)

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four five | my masterlist

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03

prompt: nothing this good can last forever. john doesn't know how to feel, and neither do you.

warnings: nsfw! a teensy bit of smut, angsty as fuck prepare yourselves accordingly, a lil fluff if u squint, yeah this fucked me up

Obviously, it wasn't the last time.

Over the coming months you had many last times; his mouth pressed against your neck said as much. As his responsibility at work increased, you'd find yourself heading to his office after your lectures and night classes more often, perched on his lap, smoking, while he finished up his numbers under your critical gaze.

Thomas was more than aware; his snarky comments made it obvious he had his ways of monitoring your actions. You'd seen the dark car lurking outside your rallies and lectures, and no matter how you'd try to throw him off, not even telling Ada where you were going and even, in a moment of desperation, through your neighbours back window, somehow, his silent shadow was still looming. He was practically begging you to make a mistake, to give everyone an easy out. You just couldn't give him the satisfaction. You knew Tommy saw the world as a chess board, always several moves ahead of his opponent. Even when you played him in chess club all those years ago, you could outflank him if you thought on your feet and kept him thinking he was winning until you obliterated him in the end game. It was brutal, sure. But as he told you, there were bigger games at play. You had your own. Thomas could read your mail, intercept your phone calls and have you followed, but he couldn't hear what you said out of earshot. Your lot could smell an interceptor in your ranks, so spying at that close of a proximity was out of the question.

That's why he'd decided to let you have John. You knew his silent approval and his constant management of the narrative meant he saw a tactical gain. There was only so much information he could get from Ada, but John? He just had to agitate him in the right way and all your secrets would come tumbling out. It was difficult hiding your world from John; of what he knew of, he was supportive, quizzing you over current affairs and political discourse, listening intently. Yet, you had to watch your mouth. You had to keep a barrier up and you knew John sensed the distance. Fundamentally, there was nothing either of you could do.

So here you were, in a comfortable limbo. Your days were filled with work, evenings were for lectures and reading groups at the city's university, Ada and you often stopped for a drink or three; you'd go by your flat to freshen up, and then to John's office. Sometimes, you wouldn't visit for a week or so when the guilt sent you over the edge, it was draining to be living so many lives and knowing you were betraying the person you loved most on earth. Ada was oblivious, taking you on her nightly adventures filled with men, dancing and waiting while she was busy kissing in dark corners. Sometimes a young blinder would ask if you wanted to be walked home. The first occurrence you thought was sweet, but as the nights it occurred coincided with nights John seemed extra pent up, you'd decided to ask. The boy, who couldn't be older than twelve but who you knew was trained in using firearms and had a revolver pinned to his hip and a razor in his cap, looked confused.

"Mate, it's not a tough question. Why do you come and ask?"

"There's a phone call." He shrugs, "Isaiah or Michael tells us to go and get you."

Isaiah and Michael were somewhat aware? Fucking hell. Your fling was basically a military campaign at this point, so many of your friends were complicit. The little lads who ran as messengers around Birmingham were complicit. You had to just end it.

But when you sat on his thigh, his chin hooked over your shoulder, it felt so worth it. He never turned you away when you came crawling back. He never mentioned it until after you were finished, hooked under his arm.

"Fucking missed you, gorgeous."

Sometimes he'd remind you not to be a stranger with a wink, but you could tell it was tearing him apart too. He never once came to you. That's how he could justify it in his mind; obviously, the bare minimum was not having sex with his sister's best friend, but in failing that, waiting for you to initiate it was somewhat better. He barely talked to Ada now, citing work as an excuse, but truly the guilt sickened him. He couldn't believe he was prepared to continuously hurt his little sister and betray her. But every time you turned up at his door, he couldn't find it in himself to turn you away. In his mind, every single time you came to visit him was the last time he'd let it happen, yet he was always waiting for you to come back, his blind closed to signal he was prepared. He never would call, it had to be your choice.

You'd been off and on for over five months now. It was so difficult to hide in plain sight, but you just couldn't stop yourself. Neither of you purposefully meant for this to be happen but fuck, was it fun.

For your birthday he'd gifted you a fur coat from the same shop his sister, aunt and the fashionable crowd of Birmingham had purchased theirs. He joked that you looked like a "proper razor chaser", kissing you when you pouted at his teasing, begging you to wear only the coat when you fucked him next. It was a practice for blinders to buy a coat for their wives and girlfriends as a status symbol. You were neither, but John claimed that being his "favourite lass" also counted.

John was a laugh, but you knew at any time he could close his door to you. Until he decided he couldn't be bothered with you, you weren't going to get caught. You just had to be careful until he got bored.

***

You did end up putting a foot wrong. It was a Thursday night; you were sitting on the edge of John's desk while he was ridding you of your blouse. It was past midnight, Birmingham was asleep. You almost didn't bother coming out tonight, but you knew John had lost a deal and you wanted to be there for him. Your skirt and stockings were strewn across the desk with his shirt, vest and waistcoat, muddled into the files and papers which were once neatly stacked.

His fingers were pumping in and out of you, his mouth lapping at your breast, your head tipped back in euphoria, groaning. The stress made him more affectionate and tender with you, and it was nights like these that made you wonder. Wonder if this could ever be something more, something real.

John's body suddenly pulled away from yours, quickly turning the light off.

"John, what-" You were cut off by John’s hand over your mouth, muffling your words.

"Shut up and get behind the desk." He hissed. "Someone's coming upstairs."

You quickly grabbed your clothes from the shiny oak surface and crouched, hiding yourself from view, quickly making yourself decent. You weren't going to get shot through the head with your tits out. You listened to the stairs creek, and it sounded like a group. You two were easily outnumbered. They were talking, but the thick panels of wood muffled their voices.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the cracks in the door giving the room a dulled glow, you could make out the figure of John. He was free of his shirt, toned body on display, standing with his back flat to the wall, revolver produced from a discreet notch in the door frame, gaze fixed on where they'd enter. He was tense, ready. The door was unlocked from the outside, the door handle twisting.

John's lip shifted in confusion yet still he kept his trigger finger ready, not a single shake from your general.

The light flicked on and a shriek rang out. It was blinding, and you stood up slightly dazed. Finn was in the doorway, John next to him clutching his chest, panting and lowering the gun.

"Jesus Christ, Finn, can't you knock like a normal person? Scared the shit out of us." John bellowed, shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his body, resting his hands on the edge of the desk as he regained his breath.

"You're the one who pointed a gun at me! I didn't even know you were in 'ere!" Finn yelped.

The commotion had attracted the attention of Ada and Isaiah, who had come running and stopped in their tracks upon seeing you standing behind John's desk in the middle of the night. They weren't stupid. John was topless, your clothes obviously rumpled, both with matching tousled hair and practically stinking of guilt. You'd been caught red handed. Ada's eyes flicked between both you and John, and you could practically see the pieces of the puzzle clicking together in her mind, all the moments she found questionable since you'd returned suddenly making sense, realising she had been deceived by the two people who she was meant to trust most in life. Finn looked absolutely crushed, he'd never been able to conceal his emotions as well as his older brothers and sister, linking his fingers through Ada's, squeezing her hand.

"I forgot to drop this off earlier." Finn stated, holding up a money box, "Ada had keys so we thought we'd sneak in so I wouldn't get done by Tommy. We did call round yours, Y/N. We thought you were in bed."

"I'm sorry." You said. It was not enough but you just didn't know what else to say. You couldn't make it right, you'd really fucked up this time. Tears pricked at your eyes, as Ada examined you in silence.

John stepped in front of you defensively. "Look, Ada-"

"How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice shaking with rage. You and John exchanged a glance. "I said, how fucking long?"

"Five months, six in a fortnight." He answered.

Isaiah whistled lowly. "That's fucked. I thought it was only a few times, that it'd finished."

"Never really over when it's John is it." Finn interjects, you glance to him, were you just one in a long string? You shouldn't be surprised but it was easy to pretend he may actually care about you.

"You've been fucking around for six months behind my back?" Ada yelped, Finn trying to comfort her but she pulled away from him. "And you fucking knew Iz."

"I'd expect this from you, yeah? Wouldn't put anything past you these days.." she sneered at John, "But you? You?! You're meant to be my best mate, but here you are sneaking about fucking my brother?"

"Ada-" you began, eyes welling with tears.

"I thought I could trust you. You're just another fucking razor chaser, aren't you?" She spits. "That's why you came back."

"No it wasn't, Ada-"

Her eyes flashed with anger, but this time John was on the receiving end. "You bought her that fucking coat ,didn't you? The fur one. You did! Fuck's sake!" Her fists were clenched, shoulders squared. For the first time in your life, you understood why crowds parted for Ada Shelby. Understood all the free drinks and cab rides, the nervous serving staff declaring your meal on the house (always acknowledged by Ada with a hefty tip), understood why the men of Birmingham didn't last long with her.

"Did it feel good to swan about town in that fucking coat, while acting as though you cared about me? It's so fucking embarrassing. All trussed up because my knobhead big brother makes you feel special? Thanks for rubbing it in my face."

"Ada, I love you. I never meant to hurt you, I got caught up and that's on me. It's my fault."

"You're not acting like you love me. This isn’t what love is, Y/N." She retorted.

You couldn’t do anything but nod. She was right.

John opened his mouth to speak, Ada silencing him, a scowl darkening her features.

"I don't care what you have to say. Any of you. Who else knows?"

"Thomas, Michael, Arthur-" John listed off slowly, each name prompting Ada to break down a little bit more in front of you.

"I didn't know Arthur knew." You said pointedly, John sending you an exasperated glance. He was planning on dealing with that later, but right now was about his sister. Fuck him if he thought you were going to stick around much longer. You didn't want to hear him justify everyone else knowing about your fling with your best friend being left completely in the dark.

"That all you have to say for yourself?" Ada snaps at you.

"I have fucking no defense, do I Ada? I should've walked away." You pushed your hair back, frustrated at yourself, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You begged yourself not to cry. Tears wouldn't help anything.

"Why didn't you?"

You didn't know. Your silence only riled her up.

"Why didn't you fucking walk away?" Ada yelled, slamming her hands on the desk.

You felt hot tears run down your face, quickly moving your hands to dab at your tears.

"Don't you dare fucking cry. After all you've done, you don't get to cry in front of me." Ada growled at you, John going to shush her, obviously wanting to comfort you. "You can all fuck off. You've all lied to me and gone behind my back. Fuck’s sake, you could've just told me. You could've just told me."

"We didn't want to hurt you." John said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinches away.

"This hurts so much more. You get that you all lying to me is so much worse, don't you?"

"We weren't thinking."

"You really fucking weren't." Ada laughs bitterly, shaking her head, blinking away tears. "Fuck you lot."

She stormed out, tailed by Finn, begging her to slow down and talk to him, protesting his innocence in the situation. Isaiah hesitated in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and John.

"I had no idea you two've been at it for so long."

"Iz, fuck off yeah? I've had enough today." John shot back, sliding across the desk towards you. "You alright, lass?"

"We're done here, John."

He slid off the table, his hand cupping your face, "Hey, gorgeous, I get it but don't go breaking my heart tonight. Can we just leave this for tomorrow? Sleep on it."

The idea of getting any sleep at all tonight was laughable, you'd be up all night replaying these moments and torturing yourself. Tonight couldn't get any worse so you had to finally end it. Now was the right time.

"John, it should've never happened."

"But it did."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."

"Y/N. You know for me it was never just about-"

"You're making it difficult. Stop making it difficult. Whatever you say isn't going to change that right now we have to do the right thing."

"I know you're right, but I don't want to let go. Is it so wrong to want you? I adore you, you know that."

You wouldn't meet his eyes. Sighing, John pressed his forehead to the side of your head, chin brushing your shoulder, eyes closing. He was begging you to stay with him. There had to be a solution, you'd figure it out together. His voice was cracking, eyes glassy. He looked so much younger when he was pleading. The tall bloke who terrorised the Midlands with his razor rimmed cap, a revolver in his hand, and a ruthless trigger finger had vanished. You wanted to stay, burning to curl up with him and for him to kiss it better.

"I should go." You told him. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh before pulling away, nodding.

"I'd drive you home but obviously-"

"Obviously."

John suddenly turned from you, eyes narrowing at Isaiah who was still hovering at the door. "Thought I told you to fuck off. Make yourself useful and get Y/N home safely." His tone was ice cold once again.

Isaiah nodded, offering his arm to you. You reached the door and instinctively looked back at John. His eyes met yours, staring at you from his desk, just as you knew he would. He prepared himself to watch you leave every night, but this time was different. That was it with you two.

Isaiah strode down the street with you in silence. You were tucked into his side as was customary with the upcoming blinders who were particularly ambitious, but there was no relaxed chat.

"Isaiah. What’re you thinking?" You asked, voice tinged with nervousness.

He sighed, running his free hand across his jaw, "That was intense in there."

"Just how he is." You shrugged.

"Does he love you or sommet?"

"Fuck knows… does it matter?"

"Of course it does. Do you love him?"

"Drop it. None of that matters, it shouldn't have happened in the first place so it can’t," You snapped, the anger at the situation you'd created suddenly overwhelming.

Isaiah whistled, raising his brow at your obvious turmoil. "You're in fucking deeper than you want to admit."

He walked you up your path, watching you turn the key to the side door leading to your bedsit. You paused, turning to him.

"Iz… I don't know what to do next."

It was so dark, you could see his face only by the lit cigarette burning to embers between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, pausing before delivering his carefully laid out plan of avoidance. Obviously the event of him crossing the Shelbys and losing their good graces weighed heavily on his mind. You nodded, listening intently, noting his ideas of relocation but he explained they were a final resort. The best thing to do was try to regain their trust; in the long run, he had calculated, it was the only option that didn't result in your life being haunted by the Shelbys. Even if they left you alone, their enemies would make a point to go after you, seeing you as an easy target. The other option was to leave the country.

"Good luck, Y/N. I mean it." He muttered as you turned the handle to the temporary safety of your home. You nodded, offering you cheek for the polite good night kiss you'd become accustomed to. He rolled his eyes and obliged, pressing an affectionate kiss to your cheek and ruffling your hair. "I'm serious. Watch your back."

***

John broke down when he finally heard the lock click shut. His eyes had been prickling with boiling tears, his jaw tensed to hold them back. He yelled out in anger, flipping his desk with force, a loud crash as the wood splintered against the stone flooring, glass shattering from the photo frames. His hands went to his head, unable to stop the gasping breaths escaping from his trembling lips, his face reddening.

"Fuck’s sake." He growled. He'd fucked everything up. He had nothing, just as he'd told you the first night you returned. The consequence was no surprise, he'd anticipated the fall out for a while, but he couldn't resist you. He was completely guilty and had no defense; his only justification being that you made him think with his cock, not his brain.

Fuck’s sake. Polly was going to murder him. She'd always had a soft spot for Ada, as the only girl in the family, and was no stranger to lecturing him over his flirtatious behaviour around Ada's friends. She'd murder him. He had a half mind to never go home. He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. Polly had no use for tears. That's what she'd tell him when he was a boy coming home with a skinned knee. This was far worse.

He was also sure that he was a worse brother than Tommy, perhaps the worst in the world. His baby sister, who he'd helped to toddle, carry proudly on his shoulders after school and race with her on his back through the fields on the outskirts of Small Heath, had walked in on him obviously in the midst of fucking her best mate. If he had swallowed his pride and actually talked to her, he wouldn't be in this mess. He could've told her that things changed, that for the same reasons Ada loved Y/N he had fallen for her, that he was truly sorry but she had to know before it got too far and someone got hurt. He couldn't go back.

He should've never approached you that night.

He should never approach you again.

He looked over the mess of his office, the splintered wood and shards of glass, a confetti of paperwork. Now nothing mattered. None of this mattered. He'd lost everything and he had only himself to blame.

#john shelby imagine #john shelby x reader #john shelby fluff #john shelby series #john shelby fanfic #peaky blinders fluff #peaky blinder fanfic #john shelby smut #peaky blinders smut #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader

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fanfics4all · 4 years ago

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Torture

Request: Yes / No

Requests are closed <3 Have a nice day/night

Harry Potter x Fem!Lupin!Reader

Word count: 4190 (Probably could have gotten to the torture party quicker, but I just had to add backstory lol)

Warnings: Torture obviously, and Dobby’s death

Y/N: Your Name

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

A/N: Bingo card made by @slyttherins

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK!

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you!

Masterlist

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Harry and I have been together since he and Cho broke up. Now we were in our seventh year and everything was going to hell. Professor Snape had killed Dumbledore and was now in charge of Hogwarts. I feared going back to school, but I feared for Harry more. So, when the summer was coming to an end and my older brother Remus said he was going with the Order to Harry’s I immediately demanded to go with him.

“Y/N/N, it’s dangerous.” He said.

“This is my boyfriend’s life in danger. I am coming with you.” I said, standing my ground.

“Y/N/N… if anything happened to you Mum and Dad would kill me.” He sighed.

“If anything happens to you or Harry, you won’t have to worry about Mum and Dad.” I threatened.

“There’s nothing I can do to convince you to stay home with Edward, is there?” He sighed again.

“Not a thing. And if you go without me I’ll just follow you.” I shrugged and he sighed once again.

“Fine, fine. You can join me, but you better not leave my side.” He said and I smiled.

“Thank you!” I said and hugged him.

Before we went off to Harry’s house, The Order met up to discuss what would be happening. You-Know-Who was searching for Harry. He was going to go after him and we needed to act first. We were the only line of defence for Harry and I was going to fight for both our lives till the very end. Once the plan was in order we all got on our brooms and headed for Harry. When we all landed Harry opened the door and I ran up to him, throwing my arms around him and holding him tightly. He hugged me back and I leaned up to kiss him.

“What are you doing here?” He asked shocked.

“Did you honestly think I would just sit around while your life was in danger?” I laughed and walked into the room with the others.

“I tried to get her to stay home, but she’s stubborn.” Remus said and I smiled.

“All righ’ ‘arry? Yeh look fit.” Hagrid said with a smile.

“Yeah, he’s ruddy gorgeous. What say we get undercover before someone murders him.” Mad-Eye said in his usual rough tone.

“I thought you were looking after the Prime Minister, Kingsley?” Harry asked.

“You’re most important.” Kingsley answered. Harry smiled and Bill Weasley walked in, extending his hand to Harry.

“Hello, Harry. Bill Weasley.” He introduced himself.

“Wasn’t alway this handsome.” Fred joked.

“Dead ugly.” George joined in.

“True enough. Owe it all to a werewolf by the name of Greyback. Hope to repay the favor one day.” Bill said. Fleur walked in next to him and kissed his cheek.

“You are still beautiful to me, William.” She said.

“Just remember, Fleur, once you’re married, Bill takes his steaks on the raw side now.” Remus said, finally walking into the room with Tonks.

“My husband, the joker. By the way, wait until you hear the news! Remus and I are-”

“Alright, alright! You’ll all have time for a cozy catch-up later! We’ve got to get the hell out of here and soon!” Mad-Eye cut her off. He dropped a sack by his feet and turned to Harry.

“Potter, you’re underage, which means you’ve still got the Trace on you.” He said.

“The Trace?” Harry asked.

“You sneeze and the Ministry will know who wipes your nose. Point is, we have to use those means of transport the Trace can’t detect, brooms, thestrals, and the like. We’ll go in pairs. That way if anyone’s out there waiting for us- and I reckon there will be- they won’t know which Harry Potter is the real one.” He explained.

“The real one?” Harry asked.

“I believe you’re familiar with this particular brew.” He said, pulling out a flask.

“No! Absolutely not!” Harry exclaimed.

“I told you he’d take it well.” Hermione sighed.

“If you think I’m going to let people risk their lives for me-”

“Never done that before, have we?” Ron joked, cutting him off.

“This is different. Taking that. Becoming me- no.” Harry said.

“Well, none of us really fancy it, mate.” Fred said.

“Yeah, imagine if something went wrong and we were stuck as scrawny, specky git forever.” George joked.

“Reckon Y/N would love having more than one Harry.” Fred added and I rolled my eyes.

“Piss off, the both of you.” I said and they laughed.

“Everyone here’s of age, Potter, and they’ve all agreed to take the risk.” Mad-Eye said.

“Technically, I’ve been coerced. Mundungus Fletcher, Mr. Potter. I’ve always been a huge admirer.” Mundungus introduced and just about everyone rolled their eyes.

“Nip it, Mundungus! Alright, Granger, as discussed.” Mad-Eye said. Hermione nodded slightly and grabbed a bit of Harry’s hair and pulled.

“Blimey, Hermione!” Harry groaned.

“Straight in here, if you please.” Mad-Eye said, holding open the flask. Smoke rushed out the top and he handed it to George first.

“For those of you who haven’t taken Polyjuice Potion before, fair warning. It tastes like goblin piss.” Mad-Eye said.

“Have a lot of experience with that, do you, Mad-eye?” Fred joked. Mad-Eye’s eye rotated towards Fred.

“Just trying to defuse the tension.” Fred said. George took the first sip, then Fred, Ron, Hermione, Fleure, Mundungus, and finally it was passed to me.

“Y/N? No! Lupin, you can’t seriously be alright with this!” Harry said, before I could take a sip. Everyone else was already transforming.

“I’m not, but like I said, she’s stubborn.” Remus sighed.

“Who’s she gonna ride with?” He asked and everyone was silent. That was something they haven’t figured out yet.

“I’ll go on my own. They won’t expect it and probably will just leave me be.” I shrugged.

“Absolutely not!” Remus said.

“It would look less specious than two Harrys riding together.” I pointed out.

“Very well.” Mad-Eye nodded.

“What? You can’t be serious! What if she gets hurt? There’s no one with her to protect her!” Remus said.

“She can’t go on her own!” Harry said.

“Y/N, are you willing to take the risk?” Mad-Eye asked and everyone looked my way.

“If it means Harry is safe, then of course.” I answered.

“She agrees, now hurry up and drink so we can get on with this.” He said. Before my brother or boyfriend could stop me I took a gulp of the awful potion and handed the flask back to Mad-Eye. I soon also looked like Harry.

“Wow, we’re identical!” Fred and George said together.

“Not yet you aren’t.” Mad-Eye said. He walked over to the sack he dropped earlier and dumped out eight pairs of identical clothing.

“Don’t you have something a bit more sporty, do you?” George asked.

“Yes, don’t fancy this colour at all.” Fred agreed.

“Fancy this, you’re not you, so shut it and strip.” He said to the twins and turned to Harry.

“You’ll need to change too, Potter.” He said. All of us started stripping, and I think I can speak for everyone when I say that it was a bit awkward.

“Bill, look away… I’m ‘ideous.” Fleur said dramatically and I rolled my eyes.

“I knew Ginny was lying about that tattoo!” Ron said with a smirk.

“Harry, your eyesight really is awful.” Hermione said, wobbling a bit.

“Don’t worry Harry, I still love you.” I said and he smiled.

“Blimey. I almost forgot!” Mad-Eye rummaged through his pocket and pulled out a bunch of glasses.

“Right then. We’ll be pairing off. Each Potter will have a protector, except for Y/N, As for you, Harry…” Mad-Eye started.

“Yes?” Everyone but me answered, again I rolled my eyes.

“The real Harry! Where the devil are you, anyway?” He asked.

“Here.” Harry said, walking towards him.

“You’ll ride with Hagrid.” He finished.

“Brought yeh here sixteen years ago when you were barely bigger than a Bowtruckle. Seems only righ’ I should be the one ter take yeh away.” Hagrid said and I smiled at how sentimental he could be.

“Yeah, it’s all very touching. Let’s go.” Mad-Eye said and stormed out of the house. Everyone got on their brooms and thestrals, while Hagrid got on his motorbike. As the real Harry walked out of the house Hagrid tapped the sidecar for him. Instead of going to him he walked over to me.

“Please be careful, love.” He whispered.

“I’ll be fine. And if for some reason I’m not then you and Remus can tell me you told me so.” I smirked.

“Harry, we need ter go!” Hagrid called him.

“Go, I’ll see you soon.” I smiled and he nodded. He got in Hagrid’s sidecar and everyone looked towards Mad-Eye.

“Good luck, everyone. On the count of three. One… two…” Before he could finish Hagrid’s bike came to life and off he went. Everyone flew to the skies and split off. It wasn’t long until an uneasy feeling filled the air. Death Eaters dropped from the clouds and started surrounding us. Green flashes lit up the sky as they tried to hit us. I glanced ahead and saw the real Harry was getting away. Everyone was splitting off more and I found myself alone. I couldn’t see anyone ahead or behind me, no one was around to help me if I needed it. I pushed those thoughts away. This is for Harry. This is so he’s safe. Suddenly three Death Eaters came out of nowhere and shot a spell at my broom. My broom stopped flying and was now pulling me towards the ground. Fear gripped my heart as the wind harshly hit my face. I suddenly stopped falling and was grabbed by one of the Death Eaters.

“Think he’s the real one?” The one holding me asked.

“No, they wouldn’t let the real Potter go off on his own.” Another answered.

“Doesn’t matter if he’s the real one or not, he could have information. Let’s take him with us. Bellatrix will get ‘im to talk.” The last one said. My eyes widened and my throat went dry. Harry and Remus were going to kill me if Bellatrix didn’t first.

I didn’t say a word as we arrived at Malfoy Manor. I knew the potion was going to wear off soon and they would know exactly who I was. Just as we were arriving at the large gate I could feel myself turning back into myself.

“Oi, looks like you was right, this ain’t the real Potter.” The one gripping my arm said.

“She’ll still be of some use.” Another said. We walked up to the gate and standing on the other side was Bellatrix, Lucius, and Narcissa Malfoy. Bellatrix walked forward and the Death Eater holding me pushed me against the metal bars.

“She was a fake Potter, but we thought she might have information.” One said.

“Bring her in.” Bellatrix said with an evil smirk. I was roughly brought into the Manor and pushed down to my knees.

“Call Draco, he might know who she is to Potter.” Bellatrix said. She kneeled down in front of me and roughly pulled my chin up to I was facing her.

“Tell me dearie, why were you left all on your own?” She asked, but I said nothing.

“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” She asked with a smirk. We heard footsteps enter the room and I saw Draco. His eyes widened slightly and I saw worry swimming in them.

“Draco, I was hoping you would know who our guest is.” Bellatrix said, turning to face him and letting go of my face.

“S-She went to Hogwarts.” He answered. It was obvious he was scared and that he didn’t want to give me up.

“We know that much, but who is she to Potter?” She asked in a slightly annoyed tone. Draco stared at me for a moment and gulped.

“Now Draco, all you need to do is tell us. She could be the key to keeping the Dark Lord from killing all of us.” His Father said. It was now my turn to gulp. Sure Draco was a huge git to my boyfriend and friends, but he oddly never said anything about me. Always just questioning why I was with Harry. Perhaps it was because I was nice to him despite everything he did.

“I’m Y/N Lupin. Harry’s girlfriend.” I answered and everyone looked at me in shock, Draco especially.

“See dear, that wasn’t so hard.” Bellatrix said, her smirk growing and seeming to get more evil.

“If you simply answer all my questions then no harm will come to you.” She said, walking closer to me again.

“I will not betray my friends, family, or boyfriend.” I answered with a hard stare.

“Then this will be a very hard time for you.” She said, her fake kindness dropping.

She wasn’t lying when she said that. At first it was just little cuts with her knife. It was painful, but nothing I couldn’t handle. However, she was just warming up. She then moved on to the Cruciatus Curse. The pain was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Even when the spell was over the pain still lingered for a little while. That lasted a month or so, I’m not entirely sure, but once she realized that I wouldn’t be talking by that means she moved on. She said she didn’t want to damage me to the point I couldn’t say anything. Nothing she was doing was working and I could tell she was getting frustrated. That’s when she had her brilliant idea. She brought me up from the cellar and standing there was Lucius, Narcissa, and Grayback. I felt my blood run cold and boil at the same time. He was the man that hurt my poor brother at the age of five!

“I’m sure you know Fenrir well.” Bellatrix smirked. She pushed me to the ground and held me down.

“Now, I’m going to let him do the same thing he did to your brother, unless you tell me what I want to know.” She said.

“Where is Harry Potter?” She asked.

“Now that you’ve all taken over the Ministry, he could be anywhere.” I answered. I didn’t know where he would be at this point. I didn’t know what the plan was.

“Liar!” She shouted and started carving something into my arm.

“Tell me where he is!” She shouted at me.

“I don’t know! Please! I don’t know!” I cried out in pain.

“You are a pathetic little liar. Fenrir!” She called and got off me.

“I think it’s time you gave her a little gift.” She said, that evil smirk appearing on her face once again.

“With pleasure.” He smirked. He crawled over to me and sniffed me. He laughed and licked the blood that split from my arm.

“I’m going to enjoy this.” He said and bit into the same arm that Bellatrix carved into. I screamed and cried as his sharp teeth drug into my skin. He was suddenly pulled off me and Narcissa was there placing something on my arm.

“Wormtail! Come lock our new little puppy up. I suspect she’ll become hungry soon.” Bellatrix smirked. I was pulled off the ground and brought back down to the cellar. Wormtail locked a metal collar around my neck and smirked.

“Be a good dog and keep the howling down.” He said and left with a laugh.

It wasn’t long after he left that I started transforming. I thought the Cruciatus Curse was the worst pain I’ve ever felt, but that was wrong. Transforming into a werewolf was way more painful. It felt as though all my bones were breaking and shifting into different places. It felt like my mind was going hazy and I had no control over myself. I felt the hunger hit me and the need to hunt became strong. I tried to run, but the collar around my neck kept me in place. I screamed, growled, and howled trying to get out of the chains and to something to eat. When I realized that I couldn't, I started hurting myself. I clawed at my neck and arms, ripping the skin from my body. That was the longest night of my life. And the next few days I felt incredibly ill and weak. It didn’t help that they were hardly feeding me anymore.

That was how it went from then on. They didn’t bother torturing me for information anymore, I was now torturing myself. They had done the worst to me and now were just leaving me with my own thoughts. Remus would blame himself for this. I know he was going to say how he should have tried harder to make me stay home. Or how he should have made sure he was with me the night we all split up. I knew Harry would blame himself too. He’d say how it was his fault all this happened. All because I was with him.

“Y/N?” Someone asked quietly and I looked up to see Draco. He was standing over me and I pushed myself closer to the wall.

“Please, don’t come any closer…” I whispered.

“What did they do to you?” He asked, kneeling down, but not coming extremely close.

“They made me like my brother…” I answered and his eyes widened.

“Grayback?” He asked and I nodded.

“They’ve kidnapped Luna, they’re bringing her here.” He said.

“They’re keeping her with me? I’ll kill her!” I cried.

“No, you won’t. You’re locked up and can’t get to her, she’s smart enough to not come near you.” He said.

“I’ll bring you something to eat later tonight, I know they’re starving you.” He said.

“Why do you care so much?” I asked.

“You’re one of the only people who was ever nice to me.” He answered with a small smile and stood up.

“I’ll see you tonight.” He said and left.

Just as Draco said, Luna was thrown into the cellar with me. She looked at me with wide eyes and came towards me.

“Y/N?” She asked.

“Luna, stay away.” I said.

“Why? Why are you in chains?” She asked confused.

“I-I’m a werewolf now… So please just stay away.” I begged.

“Oh Y/N, I’m so sorry.” She said and took a few steps my way.

“Please Luna! Just stay back, I don’t want to hurt anyone.” I cried.

“You’re not in your wolf for now Y/N, you won’t hurt me.” She smiled and came to sit next to me.

“I don’t know when the full moon is…” I whispered.

“Then I’ll stay away at night, but you need a friend right now.” She said and hugged me. It was the first kind touch I had since I got here. She was right, I needed that.

A month went by and as promised Luna stayed away from me each night to be safe. When the night was finished and I was back to human Luna came to comfort me. She helped keep me distracted and even helped Draco when he came to check on me. The two of them patched up my wounds that I had given myself. Luna was sitting with me and talking about something her Dad had written about in their paper. I tried to pay attention, but my mind kept drifting off to Harry and my brother.

“What are we gonna do? We can’t leave Hermione alone with her!” A new voice said and Luna and I looked at each other confused.

“Ron?” She asked as she got up and looked around the corner.

“Harry?” She asked and my heart skipped a beat.

“Luna?” Harry asked and a few tears fell down my face.

“Y/N is here too, just this way.” She said. She came back around the corner with Ron and Harry following her.

“Y/N!” Harry said, his face looking a bit odd, but it was definitely him. He ran up and hugged me and I held him back.

“What happened to you? Why are you locked up like this?” He asked, worry clear in his voice

“They tried to get me to tell them where you were…” I answered.

“What did they do to you?” He asked again.

“Grayback…” I whispered and his eyes widened.

“You’re…” He couldn’t finish his sentence.

“I’m just like Remus now…” I whispered.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” He said and pulled me to him.

“We’ll get you out of here, I promise.

“There’s no way out of here. We’ve tried everything. It’s enchanted.” Ollivander said. He was here before I was, same with Griphook. Harry pulled up his pant leg and pulled out a piece of mirror.

“You’re bleeding, Harry. That’s a curious thing to keep in your sock.” Luna said.

“Help us.” He whispered to it. Then quickly put it away as footsteps grew closer. Ron and Harry ran towards the door as it opened.

“Let her go!” Ron growled.

“Shut up! Get back!” Wormtail growled at them.

“You, goblin, come with me.” He said and then they left.

“Aah!” A new voice said suddenly.

“Dobby? What are you doing here?” Harry asked.

“Dobby has come to rescue Harry Potter, of course.” He answered.

“Dobby will always be there for Harry Potter.” He added.

“You can apparate in and out of this room? Could you take us with you?” Harry asked.

“Of course, sir. I’m an elf.” Dobby answered like it was obvious.

“Works for me.” Ron said.

“Dobby, I want you to take Luna, Y/N, and Mr. Ollivander-”

“Shell Cottage on the outskirts of Tinworth.” Ron cut him off.

“Trust me.” He added.

“Whenever you’re ready, sir.” Luna said.

“Sir? I like her very much.” Dobby said and they made their way over to me.

“Meet me at the top of the stairs in ten seconds.” He said and Luna grabbed my hand. We were suddenly out of the cellar and on a beach. There was a little cottage that was quite cute, I wondered who it belonged to. Luna kneeled next to me and smiled.

“Are you alright?” She asked. I felt my neck and the chain was no longer on my neck, but I felt some blood dripping down from where it dug into my skin.

“I should be, but I shouldn’t be around anyone. The next full moon could be soon for all I know.” I said, slightly freaking out at just the thought of hurting my friends.

“Shh Y/N, we’re free and safe now. Just enjoy that.” She smiled. I suppose she was right, but Harry wasn’t with us yet.

It wasn’t that long until the others arrived. Their landing was a little rougher than ours, however.

“You’re alright. We’re safe. We’re all safe.” Ron said to Hermione.

“Harry Potter.” Dobby said and we all looked at him.

“Dobby. Dobby! No, just… hold on.” Harry said and ran to him, holding him in his arms.

“Hold on. Look, just hold on, okay?” Harry begged.

“We’ll fix you. Hermione will have something. In your bag, Hermione? Hermione? What is it? Help me!” Harry begged, but she didn’t move.

“Such a beautiful place… to be with friends. Dobby is happy to be with his friend… Harry Potter.” Dobby said, his last words he’ll ever speak. No one moved except for Luna.

“We should close his eyes, don’t you think?” She said, kneeling next to them. Harry nodded and she gently closed his eyes.

“There. Now he could be sleeping.” She said.

“I want to bury him. Properly, without magic.” He said and everyone nodded. I got up and made my way to him.

“I’ll help you.” I said and he nodded. We all buried him without magic, but in the end it was just Harry and I left at his grave.

“I’m sorry I didn’t protect you. I should have stopped you from taking that stupid potion.” He said and I shook my head.

“Stop it. This isn’t your fault.” I said.

“Yes it is Y/N, it is entirely my fault! You were brought into this mess because of me!” He said and I hushed him with a kiss.

“Stop it. I love you Harry Potter and I would have done this no matter what. You and Remus are going to blame yourselves for the rest of your lives, but I will not ever blame either of you.” I said and he went to say something, but I stopped him with a kiss.

“Whatever it is, don’t say it.” I said and he sighed.

“Remus is going to kill me.” He said and I shook my head.

“Not if he knows what’s good for him.” I said. That was when everything turned around. I was safe and with Harry and my friends. I’d allow myself these few moments of peace before the full moon came to ruin it again. But for now, I need to focus on the good. I needed to be happy that I was reunited with Harry and my friends.

Tag list: @les-bio-lie @tashy-bear @ashwarren32 @hollie-blogs-blog1 @schisbro87 @lover-of-books-and-teas @nerdygaloresposts @teenwolfbitches2 @genius2050 @drw0301bieber @lady-of-lies @ravenmoore14 @ravenempress101 @cillianchamp @rowanthomasknapp @rachelxwayne @in-slytherin-we-trust @accio-rogers @sambucky8 @bruisedfists-and-splitlips @answer-the-sirens @andreasworlsboring101 @vanessa-kom-skaikru @impulse-anchor @vamora

#Harry Potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter and the deathly hallows part 1 #harry potter x reader #harry potter x fem!reader #harry x reader #Harry x fem!Reader #harry x lupin!reader #harry potter x lupin!reader #Remus Lupin #remus x siser!reader #remus lupin x sister!reader #fanfic #torture #harry potter bingo

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tillthelandslide · 4 years ago

Text

Photographer : Henry Cavill Fake Instagram

Author’s note: Hi everyone. Hope you enjoy another fake instagram post. I really do enjoy making this so keep sending me requests, this one wasn’t a request but my own idea, I’m slowly working my way through some different careers so people can relate more to each one if they see their career being represented. Unfortunately, Tumblr on my phone keeps messing up, I usually like to include emojis here and there because to me it feels more real but it wouldn’t let me.

Anyway hope you enjoy - L

Tagged: @harrysthiccthighss @thereisa8ella @magdelen69 (if you want to be tagged in my post please message me :)

yourname_photography:

yourname_photography had an amazing day shooting with @henrycavill such a pleasure working with you love.

Liked by henrycavill and 1,891,201 others

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fan2 your photography is so good

↳ yourname_photography aw thanks love

↳ fan3 honestly one of the best photographers out there atm

henrycavill thanks for the amazing day, I had such a nice time, you are so talented

↳ yourname_photography oh hush sir, was a joy working with you, you make my job very easy, lets just put it that way

henryfan “love” are they dating or not, we need answers

↳ ynfan she’s british, she calls everyone love, but if they were then we should all be happy for them, they don’t owe us answers

henrycavill:

henrycavill it is always such a joy when I get to work with amazingly talented people like @yourname_photography. So lucky to have you in my life, let alone get the opportunity to work together

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by yourname_photography, GQ and 991,892 others

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yourname_photography oh hush, you’re the talented one in this relationship kind sir

↳ henrycavill <3

↳ fan5 relationship? are they dating?

↳ fan6 think they’re just friends but I’m happy for them if they are dating

anyachalotra so talented, these are epic

↳ henrycavill she sure is

↳ yourname_photography thank you Anya

freyaallan:

freyaallan I had such a nice time shooting today with @yourname_photography. Thank you to @henrycavill for making it happen, now I understand why you love her so much. And thank you y/n for making me look so beautiful, think these photos are the best I have ever recieved from a photoshoot.

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by yourname_photography, henrycavill and 431,839 others

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fan3 “now I understand why you love her so much” ?? omg they are dating

↳ freyaallan I meant he loves working with her and loves the photos she produces, she is one of his favourite photographers

↳ fan2 good save

yourname_photography you were beautiful all on your own, needed no help from me miss. It was such a joy working with you, for sure have to do it again sometime

↳ freyaallan oh hush! and i’d love that

henrycavill glad you both had such a good time on set, i have always loved y/ns work, she has such a keen eye for this stuff

↳ fan2 this post is basically become them trying to convice us all that y/n and henry aren’t dating when we all know they are. good attempts though

photographydaily these photos are clean af

celebrumourmagazine:

celebrumourmagazine Famous Actor Henry Cavill and the photographer Y/n are now rumoured to be dating. The pair have had many photoshoots together and have a history of confusing fans with their comments on each others posts. But what is really tipping people off is a quote from Freya Allan, Cavill’s co-star in the Netflix show; The Witcher, where she said “I had such a nice time shooting today with @yourname_photography. Thank you to @henrycavill for making it happen, now I understand why you love her so much”. Allan then tried to cover her tracks by commenting on how y/n is one of Henry’s favourite photographers. Cavill too posted “I have always loved Y/ns work, she has such a keen eye for this stuff”. Seems fishy to me, wonder if we will get an explanatio soon. C’mon we deserve it.

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by 267,092 people

fan3 the level of disrepect in this post is on a new level. 1. referring to Henry as famous and then not using the same terminology for yn who has worked with so many famous actors, musicians, polticians etc and is renowned for her amazing word. 2. “Cavill’s co-star” she’s her own person sis. 3. “we deserve it” no you don’t, you haven’t done anything to deserve anything from them

↳ yn-hen-fan thats the tea sis

geraltofriviafans ffs leave them alone. there is the little thing people like to have. its called privacy

celebrumourmagazine:

celebrumourmagazine Famous actor Henry Cavill and Photographer caught kissing on a boat whilst on vaccation with friends and family. We knew they were dating!

Liked by 393,209 people

View all 5,092 comments

fan5 annoying that they didn’t say anything we all would have been okay with it

fan3 your comment perfectly shows how you wouldn’t have been okay with it. maybe they just wanted some privacy

fan2 I just found out that this photo amongst a few others were leaked from their phones. Ffs why can’t people respect their privacy y’all wonder why they didn’t say anything; this is why

henrycavill:

henrycavill well the cats out of the bag... not the way we intended to tell you guys which is a shame. We are very sad that this is the way you all had to find out. With both of our jobs being very demanding (we love them nonetheless and are very grateful) we don’t often get to spend time with each other so wanted some time just to ourselves, we wanted to share this amazing relationship with all of our fans when were ready but unfortunately that opportunity was taken from us. We hope you can understand: you all are very important to the both of us and we truly did want to share this with you, but both got a bit too caught up with having each other to ourselves. These photos were taken by one of our mutual friends whilst we were on holiday and were leaked from our phones. I am so shocked that they even managed to do this but I will not let them get anymore attention than that.

To my love @yourname_photography: the last couple of months with you have been bliss, I found myself falling more in love with you everyday. Your dedication to your work is truly inspiring, how deeply you care for and love those around you is second to none, you have taught me so much about so many things but the main thing I will cherish is what you have taught me about myself; you have taught me to truly accept myself and have taught me to see myself the way you see me. I love you more than I can even begin to explain and I can’t wait for what’s to come. Having you to myself has been truly wonderful but sharing how amazing you are not only to me but all those around you is something I am going to enjoy. Everyone should know the amazing things you do not only in your photography career but in other aspects of your life <3

Liked by yourname_photography, anyachalotra, freyallan and 1,203,028 others

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yourname_photography this is too sweet Hen, I love you so much. The past couple of months with you have been absolute perfection and I will cherish them forever. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am beyond lucky to have you and have had you to myself but I’m ready to share you and to share us with the world

↳ henrycavill lets do this shit

freyaallan I was worried that I was going to be the one to leak the news and although I’m annoyed it came out like this I’m glad it wasn’t me XD, wish you could have announced it on your own terms though. I’m beyond happy for the both of you

↳ yourname_photography the sweetest girl <3 I thought you recovered quite well in that post XD

anyachalotra the cutest couple of all time... there, i said it

↳ yourname_photography said it you did. we are beyond grateful for you and how supportive you were of us from the get go

↳ henry cavill thank you anya, your support means the world to us

yourname_photograhy:

yourname_photography to my beloved Henry: the love you have shown me was one I didn’t believe in growing up, the kind of love I thought only excited in fairytales, books and movies. Boy oh boy was I wrong. The love you give is the kind of love everyone deserves, the kind where you give yourself to someone else fully without any selfishness or expectations. To most people you are Superman, Geralt, August Walker, Charles Brandon, Napoleon Solo and many others. But to me you are all those things and more. You are the guy that brings me my favourite soup when I’m sick, the guy that sits with me for hours trying to pick which photos from a shoot are the best, the guy that brings home lillies because you know they’re my favourite flower, the guy that sends me care packages when you are away, the guy that sends me goofy selfies of you and Kal, the guy that rubs my back and plays with my hair when I cant sleep, the guy that introduced me to my second family: the Cavill’s, the guy that works his god damn hardest everyday, the guy that puts in so much effort to raise awareness for endangered species and the fight that Durrell do, the guy that does so many amazing things yet expects nothing in return. You are the epic love of my life and I do not deserve you <3, you amazing, beautiful human, never change <3

Liked by henrycavill, anyachalotra, joeybateyofficial and 1,583,039 others

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fan6 HOW CAN ANYBODY NOT LIKE HER? THE WAY SHE TALKS ABOUT HIM, I MEAN UGHH SO FLOOFY

fan4 this post got more likes than henrys bc everyone realised they cant not like her

↳ henrycavill you made me cry ): now come give me kisses

↳ yourname_photography im coming, oops nearly tripped over kal

↳ fan 8 haha she’s commenting as she’s doing it how cute

joeybateyofficial all the haters be like “hmm, fuck” bc they realise there is -9182 reasons to hate you

↳ yourname_photography thanks for bringing the geralt comments here, someone had to do it :)

↳ joeybateyofficial it’s a honour :) happy for both of you... always knew he was a big soft... despite his rock hard abs

↳ yourname_photography spend a lot of time looking at my boyfriends rock hard abs much then? XD

↳ henrycavill not as much as you @yourname_photography, ayeee XD

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henrycavell · 4 years ago

Text

obsession

summary: she managed to escape him for a short time, but now he had found her. word count: 2,353

pairing: august walker/unknown ofc

warnings: this is noncon smut!! if you’re not into that please do not read, i don’t want to upset or trigger anyone. also breeding.

a/n: please tell me what you think!! im so nervous. this is my first time writing smut all by myself, too, so please be nice ok love you guys thanks

tag list: @evnscvll @promptandpros @iloveyouwhiskey @crimsonrae @littlefreya @mary-ann84 @dearlybelovedluke @vacant-writings @wondersofdreaming @80scavill

Nothing had looked out of the ordinary, everything was quiet and untouched like it always was. She closed the door behind herself, locking it like she always did, setting the chain into place. Dropping her bag by the door and sliding out of her heels, she moved through the hall, already beginning to undress from that day’s work clothes. Tugging her blouse up over her head, it fell to the floor just a few feet from her bedroom door. She froze, her eyes trained on the floor where she saw loose rose petals scattered, leading further into the room. In her bedroom, strewn across her bed were multiple roses, with long stems covered in thorns. A pink card rested on top of the gray downy sheets.

Her body ran cold, paralyzed by fear as her eyes fell to the card, not realizing he was standing right behind her. Forcing herself to move, her hand dropped to the bed, picking up the little pink note. Her name was scribbled on the side facing up and when she flipped it over, there were only three words jotted down, in a handwriting she could never erase from her mind;

𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓁.

Dread ate at her insides as she stared at the card, feeling vomit in the back of her throat. The note fell from her hand, but before it could even land back on the bed, August stepped forward, reaching a hand up to brush the hair back off of her shoulders. His thumbs brushed over the thin straps of her bra. It didn’t surprise her that he had found her, but now that he had, she wished she had run just a little faster.

“Do you know how badly I’ve missed you, angel?” August’s voice was smooth and honeyed, his breath tickling her neck as he pushed her bra straps down her shoulders. His touch was cold and almost desperate, as if he was fearful that she would disappear in the blink of an eye. And almost just as bad, she ripped herself out of his hands, backing away as she turned to look at him. It had been years, now, nearly three since she’d stared into those zaffre eyes, since she had been petrified by that dead, sobering glare.

“I- you… c-can’t be here,” she stumbled over her words, the last bit of color leaving her face as she looked onto his face.

“I can’t?” August answered her, his brow pulling down as he stalked towards her, his hands reaching up to his collar, loosening his tie. “Who's going to make me leave?” Sliding his tie from around his neck, August held it loosely in his right hand, a little sneer rising to his face.

The air around them almost felt suffocating. Each one of his words came out in a soft, gentle breath, almost as if he was worried he’d scare her away like some stray animal. “I’ve thought about you every waking moment we’ve been apart,” August closed the distance between them, “thought about how it would feel to taste your lips again, run my fingers through your hair, be inside of you again,” the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and her breath caught in the back of her throat.

“No-” she whimpered, but it was too late. Before she had even realized it, August had wrapped his arms around her, tying her wrists together behind her back with his tie. And now it was too late to react, to struggle. He continued to back her up against the wall, caging her inside of his arms. “O-ow,” she choked, his weight pressing her flat against the wall, squishing her hands beneath them.

August grinned, his hands running down her curves to the waistband of her jeans, where his fingers teased the button and her zipper. “Are you going to try and fight, baby girl? You know I love a good fight,” he purred. Pushing them down her hips, she couldn’t help the pleas that it evoked. His hand was forcing its way between her thighs, driving her legs apart. “Stop-” she choked out, the tips of his fingers pinching and pulling at the thin layer of lace that shielded her for the moment.

It was hard to remember a time when she wanted August, yearned for his touch and would beg for it. That time had long since passed, back when everything was masked by smoke and mirrors. When she didn’t know the truth of who he was.

“Your body doesn’t seem to agree with you.” It was true that her body was betraying her, warmth pooling in her gut and she had wet through her panties, excited and sticky for his touch. Animalistic and carnal noises broke in the back of his throat. She arched her back, but tried throwing her shoulders against him, squirming her legs. Any attempt to push him off of her, but he had her pinned firmly between his body and the wall, unmovable like a mountain. His fingers pushed her panties to the side, the sensation of his fingers exploring and dipping inside of her causing her breath to catch in the back of her throat. “Nice and tight, no one’s been in here since me, have they, darling?”

Her face blushed red, burning hot from embarrassment as she looked up to meet his royal blue eyes. She’d never admit it to him, but since August, no other man had been able to please her in the way he could. Having him here now felt like some weird mash up of a blissful dream and a hellish nightmare. Her body was responding in ways she hated, her thighs were trembling and every new touch had a desperate moan dripping off of her tongue.

Supple lips caressed over her shoulder, towards the crook of her neck, placing gentle, sweet kisses up her neck. “You thought that you could leave me, that you could get away from me,” the tone of his voice was now taking a dark shift, his tongue sharp enough to cut like a knife. The tender prodding he’d been doing between her legs finished, August forced two of his fingers into her cunt knuckle deep, eliciting a sharp painful gasp from her pouty lips. “You’ve always belonged to me, angel.”

There wasn’t much fight in her, not for August. She’d always been so terrified of him, it had taken every ounce of courage she had to leave his apartment that night. Under the light from the hanging moon, she had left all of her things and just escaped. And now that his body was crushing down on her, forcing the air from her lungs, forbidding any sort of noise from now leaving her lips, he fucked her relentlessly with his fingers. August had every intention of taking back what was rightfully his, and tonight, he’d make sure to tie them together for the rest of their lives.

Pulling his hand free from between her legs, he admired the glistening wetness that coated him. Just another thing that pushed him further into delusion, helping him to believe that she really did want this. Stepping away from her, the woman took in a deep breath, crying out in relief as air flooded her lungs. She collapsed to her knees and he just laughed, circling her like a predator hunting its prey. “Isn’t that a beautiful sight.”

Stopping behind her, August grabbed her up by her arms, moving her to the edge of the bed where he slammed her chest down into the mattress. Her face was pressed down into the blankets, hot and sweltering already as she cried, begging for mercy though her voice was hidden and muffled. “Stop it, August! Stop, I don’t want this!” Kicking her legs and trying to squirm back up to her feet, August leaned forward and held her head down firmly into the sheets, stomping at her legs until her fighting stopped.

If it hadn’t been obvious before, she knew now that she had no choice in the matter. She belonged to August, she always would. And he was here to take back what he owned.

Flinching at the sound of his zipper, she gasped when he kicked her knees apart, positioning her just how he wanted. His hand moved up the curve of her ass, to her lower back where he pressed down sharply, forcing her to arch her back. On display for him now, August admired her sopping wet core, red and swollen, begging for attention that he was ready to give. Slapping and grabbing at her round ass, August probed another finger inside of her, a hot tingle running straight to the head of his cock. She was intensely tight around him, squeezing and hugging onto him in an effort to keep him inside. “You can’t keep lying, just admit it, you want me.”

“No!” She refused to budge, clawing and grabbing fistfuls of blanket in her hands, keeping her eyes screwed shut tightly in an attempt to keep herself from crying. Continuously, she tried to close her thighs, hide herself from him but he would just force her open once more. August grabbed her hips tightly in his hands, his fingers pressing into her skin so firmly he was sure to leave bruises behind as he mounted her. Lining his cock up with her entrance, all he cared about was feeling her stretching around him, his own satisfaction.

The head of his cock teased and slid against her folds, “I’m going to fuck this pussy so hard you won’t even be able to think about running away from me again.” Sliding himself into her until his balls slapped against her cunt, August groaned, his eyes rolling back into his head. A frenzied cry tore through the room and she pressed her own face down deeper into the mattress, biting down on the blankets to keep herself quiet. She knew August enjoyed a loud show, enjoyed knowing just how much pain he was putting her through and she didn’t want to give him the pleasure.

August didn’t care to wait for her to accommodate to his girth, instead, beginning to ram himself back and forth. Her walls stretched and molded around him, squeezing him tightly and coercing him to fuck even deeper. The fevered sounds of skin on skin slapping echoed through the room, her quiet whimpers of pain and ecstasy breaking through every now and then, but August didn’t halt. The bed underneath of her rocked and swayed, threatened to collapse with the force August was exerting into her.

He didn’t allow her to get used to his rhythm either, reaching forward, he let one hand free of her hip to wrap her dark hair around his fist, forcing her to arch up off of the mattress. No longer could she use the bed to quiet the sounds of her cries. August fucked her with a fiery passion, completely taking over her body as he held her flush to his chest. “Scream for me,” he moaned into her ear, sweat already perspiring across his face and shoulders.

Slamming into her cervix, waves of ecstasy and pleasure seemed to be crashing around inside of her as his size demanded to be felt. Her brain felt foggy and dazed, unable to think rationally any longer as she panted and moaned, relaxing her back against his chest as he fucked into her. Her hands, still tied behind her back, tried grabbing at his shirt, twisting the material in her fingers as he broke out into raspy, hot grunts.

She was almost beginning to enjoy herself, getting over how she had wanted nothing to do with him, wanting nothing to do with this. She felt so full, molded around him, like he fit so perfectly inside. Had she missed him? His arm wrapped around her chest, his hand running up until her neck was held tightly in his grip. Closing off her airways, she gasped for breath, tears burning the corners of her eyes as she grinded her ass back on him, partially enjoying herself, partially wishing for it to come to an end, for him to just finish.

“Fuck,” August groaned against her ear, his breath hot, yet still sending shivers down her spine. “You feel so good, missed you so much,” he pressed his lips to the back of her head as he continued to press himself harder into her. “Gonna make sure you can never leave me again,” he promised her, his strokes becoming slower but deeper. August was making sure to take his time, enjoying every single second of feeling her cunt squeezing him.

With his hand still gripping her throat, she was unable to speak, her face turning a pale shade from the lack of air. All she could do was wheeze, her fingers scratching at the skin beneath his shirt. Every ridge and groove hugged August’s cock, his head kissing her cervix as he sheathed himself deep inside of her. She couldn’t ignore the sudden hot sensation washing over her as her cunt spasmed and gripped him tightly, feeling little explosions going off in her stomach as she came hard on his cock.

That was all August had been waiting for. He released his hand from her throat, letting it fall back to her hips as he dug his nails into her, releasing his hot load deep inside against her womb. Still bucking his hips up into her, August rode out his climax alongside her. Deep, guttural moans almost completely hiding the sound of her crying as he filled her. Her knees began to violently shake, and her chest fell back against the mattress, heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Tears blurred her vision and smeared down her face as she felt August leave her, his hot semen dripping from her core. He moved back to his feet, his azure eyes trained still between her legs, watching as his essence trickled from her cunt like some sweet nectar.

“You can never escape me now.”

#august walker fanfic #henry cavill fanfic #august walker smut #henry cavill smut #august walker x ofc #august walker x female #obession

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teamhappyme · 4 years ago

Text

my world is grey without you

pairing: nick amaro x reader

warnings: tissues. this is not happy.

word count: 1.7k

a/n: this is pure sadness. i am so sorry, it is all hurt and the smallest pin point of comfort. my first nick amaro fic, and it’s gonna be ~heartbreaking~ but this idea has been in my head for weeks. hope you enjoy some of the pain im serving.

****

You think Mother Nature must be in tune to your emotions, when you wake up that early May morning. The clouds were grey, rain pouring from the sky, collecting in puddles on the cracked sidewalks of New York City. If you had to describe to someone how you were feeling today, you would just tell them to look outside. You felt as gloomy as it was in the city today.

Normally, your walk to the coffee shop was bright and full of sunshine, especially during spring. The flowers were starting to bloom, the sun was staying out longer, and the weather finally started to reach past sixty degrees. Instead it was filled with droopy tulips and black umbrellas covering everyone’s faces.

You got your usual order, and one black coffee to go, hailing a cab across town to your destination. You planned on walking yesterday; the half hour walk would help clear your head and calm your nerves. But today, it would only leave you wet and cold.

Once you pulled up to the brick apartment building, you paid the driver and quickly ran up the stoop and into the entrance. You buzzed apartment 3G, and after a few seconds, you were let in. You rode the elevator up to the third floor, your foot tapping against the linoleum floor the entire time.

You stepped out and took a right down the hall, stopping at the fourth door on the left. After three knocks, the door swung open, and there stood the man of the hour.

“Hey, Nick.” you gave him a small smile, lifting the black coffee you got for him on your way here. “I know it’s early, but I figured this may help you with any last minute packing.”

“I,” he started, running a hand through his hair, “what are you doing here?”

“What, you think you can just leave without a proper send off from your partner? Besides, I’ve owed you this coffee for three years. I had to pay up before you left.”

That got a smile out of him, as he reached for the coffee, and opened the door up a little wider.

“Come on in,” the foyer of Nick Amaro’s apartment usually greeted you with an onslaught of pictures of Zara and Gil, accompanied by many drawings and art projects from the young girl. Now on his last morning here, the walls were stark white, void of anyone ever living here.

“I can’t believe you got this place packed up so fast. It took us a whole day just to get that giant brown couch into the apartment.” You said, as your eyes looked over what was once the living room.

“Well, that’s what movers are for.” He followed in behind you, taking in the apartment he called home for the last two years. He moved in to the first place he could find, not wanting to spend another minute thinking about living without his baby girl. “I would offer you a seat, but my furniture is in a u-haul, probably crossing Kansas right about now.”

You smiled, as you crossed your ankles and sat criss cross applesauce on the hardwood floor. “That’s alright. I prefer the floor anyways, keeps me grounded.”

You were ready for the pointed stare you got from him, only making you laugh harder at your awful pun.

“Three years we’ve been partners, and you still have awful jokes I’ve never heard.”

“Hey, I gotta keep you on your toes, Amaro.” he sat down next to you, leaning back on his hands and crossing one foot over the other. You knew there wasn’t much time before he had to head to the airport; you purposely gave yourself a small window to minimize the hurt. “How long do I have you for until you head for the sunshine?”

He looked down at his watch, letting out a small sigh as he checked the time. “My cab will be here in about twenty minutes.”

“Alright. Then we have twenty minutes to make the best cop movie script out of our careers together.”

And for the next twenty minutes, you remembered almost every moment you spent with Detective Nick Amaro. From the first day you met, which had a rocky start, to the day he turned in his papers to be with his kids. There were stories of stakeouts that always included pizza and blaring rock music to keep you awake, monday morning bets on who would be in the precinct last, and endless amounts of coffee runs to keep the other person going.

There was a lot of trust built between the two of you over the last three years. Nick had been through hell and back in the time you were partnered together, and there was no choice but to trust each other. At work, he needed somebody he could trust without any doubt, and you made it so easy for him. The kindness and empathy you treated him with from the beginning, even when he didn’t deserve it, made a difference in his life. There was no one else he’d trust with his life more than you.

After some time, you two were in sync with one another. You always knew what the other person needed, whether that was a coffee, space, or comfort, the two of you knew what to do. It made work that much easier, it made the bad days that much better, when you didn’t have to tell them how you were feeling; they just knew.

You had just finished the story about your first undercover op together, when his phone lit up.

“My ride is five minutes out.” he said, the trip down memory lane coming to an end. Your smile morphed from a shiny grin, into a small close mouthed line. It was time to say goodbye.

“I’ll walk you out,” you got out, barely above a whisper, as Nick stood up. He held his hand out to you, helping you onto your feet.

You watched as he grabbed his backpack from his room, patting his pockets to double check he had his phone, wallet, and boarding pass. He took one last look around the place before walking out and closing the door behind him for the last time.

The elevator ride down was quiet, you spent those thirty seconds regulating your breathing and swallowing the growing lump in the back of your throat. This wasn’t about you.

Once the doors opened to the lobby, you felt soft fingers inching their way into your palm, lighty holding you together. You looked over at Nick, slowly, but he was looking straight ahead. You saw the twitch in his jaw, and the bob of his adam’s apple, and you knew he was holding back his own tears.

Moving your hand the slightest bit, your fingers fell into place with his. You gave his hand a gentle squeeze, before following him out.

The rain had subsided considerably since you arrived, the downpour now more of a spring mist. You stood at the edge of the sidewalk with him for a few minutes, until he got the notification that the car was only five blocks away.

“Well, are you ready to turn into a Cali boy?” you asked, finally turning to see his face.

“I’m ready for no more New York winters. I am gonna miss just about everything else, though.”

“But you’ll have Zara, and Gil, and that’s all that really matters.” you said with a smile, while gently letting go of his hand. “Besides, I’ll make sure to send you endless videos of me shoveling myself out of my apartment building, just to let you know you made the right decision.”

“Please, please keep that promise and send me those videos. There is nothing more amusing than you swearing at snow.” you rolled your eyes, and nudged his shoulder in annoyance.

Instead of bouncing back off his body, you felt his arm snake around your waist. You leaned into his touch, letting your head rest on his shoulder. You felt the exhale of his breath before you heard it, along with the rapid beating of his heart.

“I’m gonna miss you, you know,” he started, as you focused on the way his fingers were moving up and down along your hip. “I wouldn’t have made it through everything without you.”

“I was your partner,” you said, the past tense already tasting like bile on your tongue. “I would’ve done anything for you. And I know you would’ve done anything for me.” You turned your head the slightest bit, just enough to see his face. “I’m gonna miss you too. More than I already do.”

He looked down at you, his brown eyes full of emotion and tears. His eyes flickered to your lips for the smallest moment, and you nodded, giving in to the moment, and the man you cared so much for.

His lips met yours in a chaste kiss, just long enough for you to remember what it felt like to hold Nick Amaro this close.

He pulled away, gently resting his forehead against your own. You let the moment last as long as it could, before the inevitable beep left Nick’s phone. They were here.

You pulled away from him, your waist growing cold without his arm wrapped around you. There was a beep from a blue car a few cars up, and you let out a sigh.

“Your ride’s here, Cali boy.” you said with a smile, wiping away the stray tear that traced your cheek. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“I won’t. Call me, whenever you need me, alright?” you nodded, trying to memorize the smile on his face. He found your hand one last time, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“I will. Now, go, you’re gonna miss your flight if you hit any lunch traffic.” He looked up the street to the cab, before looking back at you.

He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek, and then your lips one last time.

“I’ll see you later, y/n/n.” he said, and you watched him walk down the streets of New York City for the last time.

But you knew you would cross paths with Nick Amaro again one day.

****

tags: @hurricanejjareau @qvid-pro-qvo @crazyshannonigans

#nick amaro x reader #nick amaro fanfiction #nick amaro fic #nick amaro #law and order: svu fanfiction #law and order svu fanfiction #law and order svu #jules writes shit ??

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wri0thesley · 4 years ago

Text

many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!!

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3.

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest.

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof.

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!!

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’.

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring.

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_;

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(.

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess!

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that.

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!).

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

#nat.txt

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mulletcal · 5 years ago

Text

light outside - a calum hood blurb.

a/n: okay so @softbabiestan and i were talking about how poor cal seemed a lil down and i said maybe he posted that as a reminder to us and himself and this happened. title is from the song light outside by wakey!wakey! that i listened to while writing. also i totally understand if no one wants to read this bc this is talking about the current situation going on in the world. but i also wanted to write something that was kind of a reminder to myself and u guys that this time isn’t for u to start the next big project, but for you to take care of yourself and those around you. love u stay safe xoxo

word count: 1,022 words

warnings: talk of mental health, talk of covid-19

-------

At any given time, mental health is hard to keep healthy - with the turbulence of everyday, it feels like a struggle to tackle your to-do list, or see the ones you love. This became especially difficult given the stay at home order that came into place in Los Angeles, due to the CoVid-19 pandemic.

You were grateful to be in a position you could work from home, knowing others were in a completely different situation that weren’t so lucky - and your heart hurt for those people, wishing there could be more to do other than staying home, and donating to local charities dedicated to feeding those less fortunate.

You knew you were also incredibly lucky to have someone to stay at home with. Calum was an amazing companion, your days mostly filled with laughter, and what recipe you would attempt to butcher today. The list of unsuccessful/gross things included: whipped coffee, making a vegetarian fried chicken sandwich from scratch, and making your own cashew milk - but there was always tomorrow.

In general, you both had been doing a good job at keeping your mental health up. You took Duke on a walk up the street and back, trying to be mindful of each other’s space, and especially attempting to be outside as much as you could in Calum’s backyard.

Today though, you knew something was off. Calum had been up before you woke up, and locked himself in his music room all day. Even while you minded your space, you never hesitated to check on one another when either of you would put on the kettle for tea, but he hadn’t even been in the mood for that.

Figuring he would come to you if you needed, you made dinner for the two of you, setting his plate in the microwave with a short text to inform him. He responded with a simple ‘Thanks xx’ . You put on a random YouTube video on in the background, one you had seen hundreds of times before as you ate. Duke would occasionally whine, and you thought it was because he wanted your food - but when you finished he was still whining, only content when you picked him up, cuddling him to your chest. He must have needed some extra affection today, which was fine.

You could hear the faint, beautiful notes coming from the piano in his music room, smiling to yourself. It could have been simply that he had an idea and needed to work on it until completion, as you knew he and the boys could never rest until an idea was from their brain onto a page (or a voice note).

The rest of your evening was spent curled in bed, casually sipping on a cup of tea as you scrolled through your phone. You got a notification that Calum had added to his story, and your eyes lit up, expecting him to be posting a video of the music he had been playing all day.

Your expression faltered though when you saw him in the backyard, his eyes looking less than bright as he addressed his fans. Calum was telling them to be easy on themselves, and you couldn’t help but to wonder if he was saying the words as an uplifting thing for the fans, or because he needed to hear them - or both.

It wasn’t long after that, that you heard the bedroom door creep open and his tall figure appeared.

“Hi baby,” you said softly, your eyes turning to look at his face fully.

“Hi,” he mumbled. Without another word, he climbed onto the bed. Thinking he was going to come lay beside you, you went to shift over more so he had more room, but his large hands held you in place. Calum ducked his head under your arms that had been holding your phone, burying his face in your neck.

“What’s goin’ on bubba, wanna talk about it?” Your fingers carded through his hair, listening to his breathing that was becoming more even by the minute.

“M’just havin’ a hard time lately - I can’t complain though, everyone is.” His words were muffled against your (his) hoodie, and you frowned slightly.

“Cal, just because other people are dealing with other things, hard things, doesn’t make your struggle any different- or your emotions less meaningful, you know?”

“I know. It’s just hard when I feel like I should be being productive, but the most I’ve done in the last three days is eat and shower.” Looking up at you finally, you could see the sadness lingering in his beautiful eyes, and it made your heart hurt.

“You know you don’t owe it to anyone to be productive right now, right? All that matters right now is that we stay home, and take this time to relax or ease our minds. This kind of thing didn’t happen so that we all stop what we’re doing outside to get tasks done around the house.” Your lips pressed against his forehead, fingers still placed in his blonde locks.

“You’ve just been doing all the cleaning, and I hang out outside with Duke-”

“Hanging out outside with him is your job. He doesn’t get to come visit you on tour as much as I do, so I think he’s happy to have you home for a little bit with us. Your boy missed your cuddles today.”

As if on queue, the small dog was scratching at the post of the bed. Calum had knocked over his doggy stairs in his haste to be in your arms, so Duke had no way to crawl into bed.

Pouting, Calum pulled back from you to pick him up and pressed a bunch of kisses to the top of his head, “I’m sorry my love, your Pops has been in a mood. Tell me about your day.” To which Duke responds with covering Calum’s cheeks in his own kisses.

“We’re gonna be alright, yeah?” You cocked your head to the side as you looked at your boys.

Calum smiled for probably the first time that day, nodding his head, “Yeah, we’re gonna be alright.”

tag list: @cals-wildflower @talkfastromance4 @softbabiestan @roseycal @calum-uncrowned @boyfriend-cal @wildflowerirwin @irwindoll @gosh-im-short @atlcalm @thesubtweeter @heavenisapeach @ridingcthood @loveroflrh @wokeupinjapanisabop @softlylukes

#calum hood #calum hood blurb #5 seconds of summer blurb #mental health mention #covid-19 mention #coronavirus mention

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rmtndew · 5 years ago

Text

All I’ve Ever Known ~ Chapter 4

Summary: Fiona’s life is a shattered fraction of what it used to be. She’s trying to navigate her new normal when she meets Detective Marshall, who gives her something more to look forward to.

Pairing: Marshall and OFC.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mentions of death, cancer.

A/N - This was intended as a short drabble but it got out of hand and became a multi-chapter story instead. It’s my first Marshall fic and the first fan fic that I’ve written in over a decade. The title comes from the song ‘All I’ve Ever Known’ from Hadestown: ‘I was alone so long, I didn’t even know that I was lonely. Out in the cold so long, I didn’t even know that I was cold. Turned my collar to the wind, this is how it’s always been. All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own, but now I want to hold you, too.’

Tag list - @hollydaisy23, @readings-of-a-cavill-lover, @onlyhenrys, @omgkatinka, @speakerforthedead0-blog, @gearhead66, @thethirstyarchive, @oddsnendsfanfics, @littlerinoa, @agniavateira, @aaescritora,

If you’d like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

I woke the next morning ten minutes before my alarm went off. At first I couldn’t figure out why and tried burrowing back into my warm bed to get my last few minutes of sleep back, but then my phone alerted me to a new text and I realized that’s what had woken me up. I sighed. I knew it was Darcy. Sometimes she woke up early with big ideas for her store and texted them to me, asking my opinion. She met me when I was working in interior design and any time she entertained the idea of having a dine in section, she’d send me pictures of what she wanted and ask how feasible it would be. Most of the time they were way too grand to fit into her pre-existing building. Other times she’d talk about a small coffee shop to encourage more people to come in and pick up their own orders and cut back on our deliveries. But I couldn’t see how renovating a portion of the store, buying new equipment and hiring extra employees to run a coffee shop would lower costs just by maybe cutting back on some deliveries.

I was planning on ignoring the text until after I’d actually gotten up, but when another came through I knew it was best to just go ahead and nip it in the bud before she sent me an entire magazine’s worth of photos. But when I hit the home button on my phone I saw that the texts hadn’t come from Darcy. I had to squint against the brightness of the screen to make sure I saw the name right. Marshall.

I sat up and turned on my lamp, then looked at my phone again, reading the texts from their previews.

Hey, it’s Marshall. I had a great time yesterday. Sorry I was falling asleep on you. Can I make it up to you this weekend?

Sorry. You’re probably sleeping. It might take more than coffee to make it up to you now. Dinner?

I suddenly felt wide awake and was no longer irritated by my few minutes of missed sleep. I would have gladly given up several hours for those texts. I decided not to reply to them right then, though. I wanted to make sure I’d had enough coffee to formulate a comprehensible reply and not look like I was drunk texting him, which I had a history of. My conversations with Darcy at five in the morning were proof of that.

I got up and went about my morning routine like usual, trying not to wake Mom. When I made my way downstairs, I poured a cup of coffee and sat at the table. I sipped it, thinking about what to say to Marshall. I wrote and rewrote the text half a dozen times before finally having something I felt okay with, then I sent it.

Hey Marshall. I had a great time, too. You don’t have to make up for anything but I’d still like to have dinner with you. What day did you have in mind?

My heart was thudding from nerves and excitement. I was so focused on trying to calm myself down that I almost didn’t hear Mom when she walked in.

“Morning, sweetie,” she said, grabbing a coffee cup.

“Good morning,” I replied, then jumped slightly as my phone vibrated on the table. I tried not to look too enthusiastic as I grabbed it.

Does Saturday work for you?

“Darcy again?” Mom asked, pouring coffee for herself.

“Um...no, actually.” I tried biting back a smile but it didn’t work. “It’s Marshall.”

Her eyes went wide and she smiled back. “He’s writing to you at six in the morning?”

“He actually wrote me earlier. He asked if I wanted to have dinner with him Saturday.”

She sat down at the table beside me. “What did you tell him?”

“I haven’t replied yet. I don’t want him to think I’m just waiting by the phone for him.”

She looked at the phone in my hand. “Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing, though?”

“Yes, but he doesn’t have to know it.”

She laughed then blew on her coffee. “I’m glad this whole texting business wasn’t around when I was dating your father.”

“Even if it was, you’re a lot more forward than I am. You wouldn’t have had a single issue with texting Dad first, or answering him right away,” I said. My phone made another sound, reminding me of my unread text and I finally opened it, then replied.

Saturday is perfect. What time would you like to meet?

“Well, there was only room enough for one coy person in our relationship and Rodger called that role,” Mom said after I put my phone down.

I laughed. “I don’t think ‘coy’ was the right word for Dad. I think socially awkward was more appropriate.”

“He was too smart to be a social butterfly, too. He had to have a couple of flaws.”

“He couldn’t set the timer for the coffee pot, no matter how many times I showed him, and he thought that the Sharknado movies were amazing. He had his flaws,” I joked.

“This coffee pot is confusing.”

“He was an engineer!”

My phone buzzed in my hand and that time I didn’t wait to open the text. I read it right away.

Would you let me pick you up instead? Around six?

“Well, what does he say?” Mom asked.

“He wants to pick me up instead of me meeting him.”

“Are you going to let him?”

I looked at her and she was smiling at me. I shook my head at her, laughing again. “You want him to come here so that you can see him, don’t you?”

She shrugged. “You keep talking about how handsome he is.”

“He is handsome. And it’s an awfully gentlemanly thing to do…” I bit my lip for a moment, pretending to think it over.

“Just tell him yes. We both know you’re going to.”

I gave another laugh. “Fine.”

I would like that, thank you. And I’m curious, what does Detective Marshall eat when he’s not eating a cuban sandwich and plain chips?

I put my phone on the table. “What are your plans for today?” I asked, then took a sip of my coffee.

She gave me a cheeky grin. “Changing the subject.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not changing the subject. I’m asking what my mother is going to be doing while I’m out earning the bread for this family,” I joked.

She snorted. “You don’t earn the bread, Fi, you just bake it.” She nodded at my arm. “And burn yourself in the process.”

“That’s the first time I’ve burnt myself in a year and a half. I’d say that’s a pretty good record.”

“That’s true,” she said. “And if you must know, I was thinking of going down to Valley and talking to Georgia about starting music lessons again after the new year. I think by then I’ll have recovered enough to be able to teach at least a few days a week.”

“You’re going to put yourself around snot nosed kids in the dead of flu season?” I asked dryly.

“I’ll be teaching teenagers, not little kids, and I’ll wear a mask,” she said. “I’ll make sure to clean everything between students and have them use hand sanitizer when they come in. I’m not going to be immunocompromised forever, and I’m not going to live in a bubble until then, either.” She gave me a smirk. “Besides, I can’t let you be the only one that earns the bread around here.”

I laughed at her but it was cut short when my phone buzzed again.

Stuff that’s probably not very good for him. Like Italian. How does that sound?

Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more attracted to him, he confessed to liking my favorite type of food. I couldn’t stop my train of thought that went to me one day making an Italian dinner for him as a date. But my mind’s eye set up the imaginary dinner in my old apartment and I knew that would never happen. I let that thought go and took a deep breath, trying to focus my attention on the present moment.

That sounds great. I love Italian food.

I sent it and sat back in my seat. I tried not to let my mind wander too far down the road with Marshall. I’d been on a lot of first dates in my life with guys that I’d thought were great who turned out to be jerks and I knew what that disappointment felt like. And even though I couldn’t imagine Marshall disappointing me in the same way they had - he’d proven at our coffee date that he was far more respectful, even while he was tired - I wanted to remind myself that I needed to take things one step at a time.

Perfect. I’ll see you Saturday at six, then.

I must have looked pretty gooey eyed over the whole thing because Mom reached out and touched my wrist gently. When I looked at her, the teasing tone was gone from her face and she was smiling at me. “I’m happy for you, sweetie. I really am.”

I was a ball of nerves all Saturday morning and afternoon. More than I’d ever been on the day of a first date. But nothing with Marshall fell into my ‘usual’ category. There was something about him that made him different from any other man I’d gone out with. And maybe that was it: He was a man. Not some boy masquerading as one. He was quiet, and fierce, and protective. He thought before he spoke. And even when delivering a threat - like he had to that creep in the bar - he’d done it calmly and with authority. He exuded confidence, not cockiness, and there was honestly nothing more attractive than that.

I was nearly ready, just zipping up my boots, when I heard a crash downstairs. I rushed down and found Mom in the kitchen, trying to pick up the broken pieces of one of her giant coffee mugs.

“I’m - I’m not sure what happened,” she said. “I just lost my grip.”

“It’s okay.” I took a step towards her, trying to avoid the pile of porcelain. “Let me clean it up.”

“I can do it,” she said, sounding flustered.

“I know you can but you’re in socks and I’m wearing boots.”

She stood her ground for a moment, then finally sighed and relented, taking a step back. “Okay. I’ll get you the broom.”

“It’s fine. I’ll get it. Just watch your step.”

I went to grab the broom as she threw away the large chunks of her broken cup that she’d been able to pick up with her hands. I could tell she was frustrated.

“You know, if you didn’t like that mug, you could have just gotten rid of it, you didn’t have to break it,” I joked, taking the broom and dustpan from the broom closet. “Or were you afraid I wouldn’t take the hint and buy you another one if I thought it just went missing?”

She gave a small laugh but I could tell she was still embarrassed. “I actually liked that coffee mug a lot.”

“I’ll get you a new one.”

“You don’t have to do that. I can -”

The doorbell rang and she stopped mid-sentence. We both froze, my eyes flicking to the clock on the stove. It was 5:53. Marshall was early. After a moment, Mom took a step towards me, holding out her hand to take the broom from me. I shook my head.

“You’re wearing socks,” I reminded her. “I don’t want you to cut your foot.”

Her eyes grew wide. “So you’re going to clean up after me while I go meet your date?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She brushed her hand over her barely there hair, trying to collect herself, then let out a breath. “Okay, I’ll go let him in.”

“Don’t be too charming. He might have a thing for cougars and I don’t want to have to fight my mom for a guy.”

She smiled for real, the embarrassment of having her daughter clean up after her letting go enough that it was no longer plainly visible. “No promises,” she joked, then left the kitchen to answer the door.

It didn’t take long to clean up. Even though the cup had shattered pretty good, its bright white color stood out against the dark wood of the floor, making even the tiniest pieces easy to see. After making sure I’d cleaned it all up, I threw away the pieces and put up the broom and dustpan, then went to find Mom and Marshall.

They were standing in the entryway. Mom was saying something about teaching at Valley and Marshall stood in front of her, his hands clasped behind his back, and a look of sincere focus on his face as she spoke. Mom was a small woman but next to him, she looked comically tiny.

I paused for a moment, taking him in. His hair looked a bit more controlled than any other time I’d seen him, his curls tighter and not quite as messy. His beard looked like it had been trimmed, giving it a purposeful look instead of the ‘I’m too busy to shave’ vibe that I’d gotten from him previously. He wore a thick blue sweater that made the color of his eyes pop when they drifted over to me. It was brief, maybe less than a second, before concentrating on Mom again. But he had a slight smile and it was enough for her to notice. She turned and looked at me.

“There she is. I guess I’ll stop talking your ear off and let you two go,” she said.

Marshall smiled at her, then at me, bigger that time. “I didn’t realize I was early. I apologize.”

“No, don’t. You’re fine,” I said, moving to grab my coat. “I’m ready, I was just cleaning up a broken cup. I’m basically like Cinderella around here.”

Mom snorted. “Hardly. Cinderella was made to do chores. You’re the one who won’t let me lift a finger,” she said. “Besides, I think she sang while she worked.”

I raised my eyebrow at her as I put my coat on. “Do you want me to sing?”

She shook her head. “No. No one wants that, sweetie,” she said, making Marshall laugh. She looked at him. “Fi spent a good portion of her teenage years screaming along to music in her room. I didn’t even know you could make ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ sound angry until she proved otherwise. Needless to say, her father and I encouraged her other interests a bit more enthusiastically.”

I grabbed my purse. “I should have let you clean up your own mess and answered the door myself,” I joked before kissing the top of her head. “Bye, Mom.”

Marshall smiled again. “It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Sparks.”

“Likewise, Detective Marshall. You two have fun.”

We left the house and after a few steps down the walkway, he jabbed his thumb back at the door. “She’s funny.”

“She can be,” I agreed. “She’s a spitfire, though, that’s for sure.”

“I like it.”

“Yeah, I like it, too.”

We walked to his truck and he opened the door for me. “You look gorgeous, by the way,” he said as I got in.

I felt myself blush instantly, caught off guard by the compliment. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, closing the door for me.

We’d only made it to the driveway and my stomach was already doing somersaults. He made me feel like a teenage girl, all giddy and excited, and I loved it.

He went around the front of the truck, then climbed in the driver’s side. I tried to sneak a look at him while he was putting on his seat belt but he caught me. He smiled as I snapped my head straight ahead.

“Sorry, I just, I was…” I tried to think of an excuse but I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t sound lame. I let out a sigh. “I was checking you out,” I admitted. “I can’t lie. There’s no point. Sorry.”

“That’s the least offensive thing a woman has ever apologized to me for,” he said with a laugh, starting the truck. He leaned forward enough to catch my eye, making me instinctively turn my head towards him. He grinned. “Did you see anything you like?”

My blush deepened and I couldn’t hold back a giggle. “Maybe.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, that is a nice sweater.”

“Oh, so you were checking out my jumper?”

I shrugged. “It brings out your eyes.”

“Does it now?”

“It does. And you have very lovely eyes.”

“Thank you,” he said. “But my daughter bought the jumper, so I can’t take credit for it.”

“She did a good job,” I said, forcing my eyes to look up front as we pulled out of the driveway. Even though I’d already admitted to checking him out, there was a difference between looking and leering and I didn’t want to come off as creepy. “I take it that this wasn’t your weekend to have her?”

“It was supposed to be but she was invited to a Halloween party with some of her friends so she asked to do that instead. She’ll be with me tomorrow.”

“What did she dress as? For the party.”

“A cowgirl.”

“Does she ride horses or did she just like the costume?”

“No, she rides. She took lessons when she was a bit younger. And she and I go riding some weekends.”

“So you’re Detective Marshall during the week and cowboy Marshall on the weekends? Does that ever cross over? Do they have mounted police in the homicide unit?”

He shook his head as he laughed. “No, not that I’m aware of.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Is it now?” he asked, and his tone made me blush all over again.

“I’m actually not going to answer that. I’m going to wait until we get a little further from my house to fully embarrass myself so that when you fake an emergency to get rid of me, my ego doesn’t get too crushed.”

“Do you really think I’d do that?”

“I hope not, but I’ve been excited about having dinner with you, so I’m going to try not to mess it up.”

“I think you’d have to try pretty hard to mess it up,” he said as we stopped at the end of my street. He glanced at me. “And I’ve been excited about it, too.”

#Henry Cavill #Walter Marshall #Night Hunter #Nomis #All I've Ever Known #Walter Marshall fan fiction #Henry Cavill fan fiction #Night Hunter fan fiction #Walter Marshall/OFC #HenryCavillFanfic #WalterMarshallFanfic

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between-two-fandoms · 4 years ago

Text

Who We Used To Be (Ray/Rose/Trevor)

As told by myself and @thesevenumbrellas tag teaming the whump in the 18+ JatP discord. Sev I swear we operate on the same braincell levels, we do be clowning. @bobbywilsonsupremacy let us know what you think of this! I know you and I both hardcore ship Raybse.

Cover was created by @thesevenumbrellas. Please don’t steal it.

This post got long so fair warning.

We wrote this in a discord server over the time span of hours so there’s some mistakes but i’m too lazy to go back and fix it all. Basically we tag teamed on a Raybse Trevor Wilson-centric whump story and can destroy a fandom with a single touch.

You’ll understand once you click the cut.

Don’t Steal Our Writing (but please reblog this to spread it around).

Trauma Time.

major whump warning

(Ren) Okay so if we're gonna be starting at 90's ot3 my children ray/bobby/Rose know that Ray is a panic bi and loves both of these humans very much with his whole ass heart.

(Ren) He takes pictures of his girlfriend and boyfriend while they’re on dates because he wants to capture the moments he was happy the most. Bobby always shed away from the camera burying his face in Rose's shoulder or leaning in for a kiss. Anyways as time goes by Ray notices Bobby's change in behavior. From being his go-happy-trauma boyf to being caught up in the music scene, often out at all hours to parties and label meetings only to come to to sleep on the couch, not even sharing the bed like he used to. It reminds Ray of the time when Bobby was grieving his boys. Ray hates it, but he loves bobby so he pushes his feelings aside to try and arrange more dates for the three of them to go on together.

(Sev) Ray waking up to only Rose in the bed and not Bobby, and it feels too cold in bed without him. So he'll try to call him, because it's 3am and he's supposed to be home and he's not. And Ray remembers what happened to Bobby's bandmates, and he can't admit it out loud but he's worried. Because what if that happens to Bobby? He knows it was a freak accident! What are the odds of it happening again?? But he can't shake that feeling when Bobby doesn't come home at night and Ray stays up all night worrying. Anyway he tries to call Bobby and Bobby doesn't answer. He'll leave loads of voicemails, trying not to be pushy because he knows Bobby doesn't respond well to that. But he's worried. He'll say "hey please call me when you get this." and then ten minutes later try again "hey just text me that you're safe okay?" He can't sleep because Bobby still isn't home. It's 5am. He has to go to work in two hours. Rose keeps telling him to go to bed but he can't.[2:58 PM]Bobby finally texts back. "I'm okay! Was playing with some friends, the gig went over time and then we went to party." Ray wants to be angry because seriously? No phone calls because he was at a party? But he knows that'll just push Bobby away more!

(Ren) And so Ray has all of these festering emotions that boil down to worry and concern at the core but he's just so scared hes losing Bobby cause he never really had his own family to begin with and then one day when Ray comes home early from a photoshoot he can hear Bobby and Rose fighting over Bobby signing the contract that says he wrote Luke's songs but Ray just hears yelling before he even opens the door with his name thrown into the mix and then he gets even more scared because what if he loses Rose and Bobby? if he lost both of them he'd be destroyed. So he doesnt knock. He doesnt go home. Instead he walks around the city until he was supposed to go home originally and he opens the door and there's a sort of eerie silence in the air.

(Sev) Trevor’s unable to shake the feeling that something terrible will happen to Rose and Ray because he's with them. His entire family were killed in 1 night because he wasn't there with them. So at first he's clingy as fuck to Rose and Ray because what if something bad happens when he's not there? What if what if what if... But as time goes on the thinking flips. Maybe it's the music industry that's the problem. It's these weird connections in his head of if he's too successful, bad things might happen. But he can't quit music like that, he can't give up on Luke's dream. He owes his boys to become successful. So instead he distances himself from Rose and Ray. That way they won't be caught up in whatever bad thing is going to happen to him. He distances himself and he waits for it all to drop. He waits for the universe to punish him again.

(Ren) And the universe punishes Bobby when the tension between him and Rose tightens so much he knows there's no going back from it but he's not admitting to stealing the songs because he didn't. He helped Luke write all of the songs more than Alex and Reggie ever did, staying up late with Luke after fights with his mom and Bobby didn’t want Luke to be alone so yeah, he wrote the songs. Maybe not as much as he claimed but he sure as hell made sure his brother wasn’t alone so that counted for something right? And it did. Until Rose kicks him out of bed because she's pissed he'd even consider stealing music and he cant tell Ray because of the NDA the label got him to sign at a party when he was drunk and the only reason Rose knows about it is because she was there when he signed the damn thing and so Bobby pulls away from Ray because isnt it going to be easier in the long run? If he doesn’t attach himself to Ray who'll just get angry at him like Rose did?

(Sev) It's the guilt that grows inside of him every passing day. They're my songs too he tells himself over and over again. But during the dark nights, three glasses of whisky in when the world is getting hazy... even he can't believe the lies he tells himself. He fucked up Sunset Curve. He fucked up his friends' memories. And now he fucked up the only good thing he'd ever had. Ray texts him nonstop. He doesn't understand why Rose kicked Bobby out and he doesn't understand why Bobby listened. Bobby can't take Ray away from Rose. He's fucked up and a terrible person, but even he can't do that. He doesn't give Ray his new address. He refuses to meet up even for Ray to give him his stuff back. All Bobby can do is hold onto Ray's sweatshirt he stole away and a bottle of perfume the same brand Rose always wears. He cradles these things in his arms and cries.

(Ren) And that's the last he sees of Ray for all of 5 years, 20yr old puppy-dog eyed loving precious ray who Bobby would run to the second Rose says its okay. But rose never does. And then Bobby meets a cute blonde and six months later the barista shows up on his doorstep shoving Carrie into his arms calling her a bastard child. Carrie is not a bastard child Carrie is his and he loves her the second he sets eyes on her and so Bobby turns into Trevor when the new year rolls around and he starts his own album. It doesn’t do as well as Luke's his first album did but it was his. And then one day Trevor signs Carrie up for dance because Trisha from first grade made fun of her for not being able to do the splits and on the way out of the dance studio Trevor bumps into Ray, a terrified looking girl clutched to his leg. Carrie doesn't miss a beat. "Hi! I'm Carrie let's be friends!" and Carrie drags Ray's daughter off and Trevor shifts awkwardly and is suddenly 17 again but Ray's eyes still twinkle like the did when they were kids and he's still wearing eyeliner so Trevor almost missed it when a flicker of recognition crosses Ray’s face and a smile quirks at the corners of his lips and he says, "hi im Ray, thats my daughter Julie. Wanna go out for a drink?" With that same mischievous glint in his eye that made Bobby fall in love with him in the first place.

(Sev) Trevor almost stops breathing. He should say no. He knows he should say no. He's an awful person. He doesn't deserve someone like Ray. He never deserved either of them. He knows that. But can't force himself to say no. Maybe it's the twinkle in Ray's eyes. Maybe it's the soul crushing loneliness he's felt ever since he left them. Or maybe it's the way Carrie and Julie are giggling in the corner like they've known each other all their lives. He says yes. The drink ends up at a family friendly restaurant with both the girls in tow.

(Ren) Rose shows up because Ray the asshole apparently texted her while he was in the car saying he met one of Julie's friend's parents and wanted to go out on a date (keeping things pg ofc) aklsdf. And when Rose does show up Trevor sees how... sick she looks. How much paler she looked than she did all those years ago how - he still knew he loved her even if she still decided she hated him.

(Sev) The mood drops quickly. Trevor wants to ask about Rose, but not in front of the kids. Ray wants to ask about their past, but not in front of the kids. Rose... Rose who holds all the answers... doesn't know where to start first. She had never regretted not telling Ray the truth. She never wanted to change Ray's perception of Bobby like that. Ray who looked at their boyfriend as if he'd hung the moon. Ray who stayed up worrying all night until Bobby came home. Ray who held Bobby through countless nightmares... But that makes the truth staring them in the face so much harder. Because she never gave Ray the choice. She realized that a few years too late after she catches Ray staring at old pictures of Bobby in their photo albums. She'd made the choice for him. And then there's Trevor... still beautiful, staring at her with so much concern her heart breaks all over again.

(Ren) The tension doesn't fly over Carrie's head like he hoped it would, she talks to Julie about My Little Pony and Pokemon and High School Musical and their mutual hatred for Trisha from school but Carrie's hand never lets go of his and he finally plucks up the courage and stretches his arm out and says "we're vegetarian for the most part, hope that's okay." And a smile quirks at the corner of her lips and she asks "for the most part?" and Trevor nods and Carrie pipes up from her seat saying "daddy hates hot dogs,” in that blatant fact kind of way kids say things without realizing how problematic it could be. It wasn’t her fault though, Trevor has yet to tell her about her uncles, about how he was in a band, about how they were going to be legends.

(Sev) Rose and Ray both freeze at Carrie's voice. He doesn't know if the girls notice, because he's too busy trying to fight back the panic in his throat. It's been a long time since anyone had brought up ... what happened. It's easy to pretend it didn't happen when his name is Trevor and no one knows him. But these two people know him. They know him more than anyone else ever has. Even the boys. The truth hits him hard at that moment. A truth he'd been avoiding for almost two decades. Ray and Rose know him better than even he knew himself. Maybe that was why Rose had been so furious with him, or why Ray continued to chase after him even months after he moved out. Trevor hides the building panic and sudden realization with a smile. "What an I say," he said as causally as he can. "I'm a picky eater." A few hours later they end up back at the Molina's house. Bobby has no idea how it happened. -No, Trevor has no idea how it happened, he scolds himself. He's Trevor. He has to be Trevor. Trevor got him this far, Trevor made the difficult choices. Bobby was the one who got his friends kill and destroyed the best relationship he ever had. Still, it becomes harder and harder to remind himself of that. To stop himself from slipping into the comfortable shoes of Bobby, boyfriend of Ray and Rose as if the past 17 years had never happened. He finds himself on their sofa, a sofa that brings back memories both good and bad... he finds himself in a familiar home, his old studio just a short walk away, his ex's giggling in the kitchen as they make his coffee the way he's always liked it without asking for a reminder.

(Ren) Trevor can remember the day he stopped drinking the coffee Ray made for him, the morning after his first fight with Rose, when he wakes up cold because Rose basically cocooned herself around Ray's body, keeping her back turned to him and as much as he wanted to reach out to Ray, to hug him and comfort him and tell him it was all going to be okay... everything was too stuffy and too tense and deciding he just had to leave because he was going to suffocate otherwise.

(Sev) He should leave, just like last time. What was he even doing here? He should take Carrie and- Then Ray's in front of him, pushing a hot cup into is hands. "The girls are playing upstairs," he says. His voice is so calm, so understanding. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Trevor almost laughs. Because that's so like Ray. Almost a decade without answers and he's giving Trevor the option to ignore it all. To pretend like nothing ever happened. But he can't be that selfish again. So he shakes his head. "I'd... like to talk to you... to both of you."

(Ren) And then suddenly rose is eyeing him sus but he's been putting this off for to long and honestly fuck his label because they screwed him over one too many times for him to still even consider their relationship anything other than employee-client1[4:06 PM]and so Trevor takes a sip of Ray's coffee holy shit how did go so long without it?! and he explains it. he explains everything.

(Sev) Ray doesn't speak as Trevor explains. He never interrupts or even look surprised. His face is completely unreadable. He doesn't move until Trevor's done. And then once he is, he only stands up to start pacing the room. Trevor's oddly reminded of Alex as he does so, and the memory is enough to make him flinch. "This... this is what you two have been hiding from me for so long?" he asked, voice brittle. "This is... this is what cost us... I mean..." But he can't finish. Ray just shakes his head, back to both Rose and Trevor.

(Ren) Suddenly he's seventeen again. Seventeen and a mess in Ray's arms burying his face into the man's chest finally feeling the weight of the world lift off of his shoulders and suddenly Rose is hugging him from behind, her too-skiny bone arms snaking around his chest and hugging him tightly threatening to never let him go saying "amour," and pressing a kiss to the back of his head, "amour we never stopped loving you."

(Sev)It's like no time has passed by the time he's done crying his eyes out. They're all huddled on a sofa that was always too small for three. Trevor's in the middle, clutching at them both as if they're going to disappear on him. Ray sits with his legs underneath them, his arms pulling the both of them into his chest. And then there's Rose, suddenly so much more delicate than Trevor remembers. She sits half on his lap, curled into them, her fingers knotted in his hair. "I can't believe you two kept this from me," Ray whispers. There's no anger. He doesn't think Ray's ever been capable of being angry. "I'm sorry," Trevor whispers, throat raw from tears. Ray answers with a firm kiss to his temple. "We wasted so much time..."

(Ren) Trevor just lays between them in their bed, nothing sexual and nothing tense it’s just them being together and Rose playing with his now-long hair, braiding it right down the middle despite it being too long for others to braid. Her fingers feel nice as they tug at his roots, familiar and a sense of calm washes over him. He lets ray fop on top of him like they used to, burying his head in his chest just listening to his heart beat, his steady constant breathing because Ray used to be afraid one day he'd wake up and Bobby would be dead too. Rose humming lightly, soft lullabies that chased away dark thoughts and Trevor just finds it so comforting, a feeling of home he hasn't had since the day he left and so he wraps his arms around Rose and Ray tight, promising himself he won't screw up his second time around.

(Sev) It's a few hours later when he speaks again. The girls are asleep in Julie's room (delighted at their surprise sleepover.) Ray's almost nodded off, head resting against Trevor's chest. But Rose is wide awake. She's laid out, tangled between them, eyes focused on something far away. He can see it more clearly now. The tremble in her hands, the way she's so still, the circles around her eyes. He takes her hand in his. "What is it?"

(Ren) And Trevor wants it to be a prank, he wants the sinking feeling in his gut twisting around his heart, the same feeling he had the morning of Sunset Curve's Orpheum performance coiling up his spine to go away. He wants everything to be okay, that he told the truth, that he was forgiven, that the universe was finally on his side for once but of course it's not because when has it ever been. Rose's fingers run lightly over his knuckles and Ray wraps his arm around him from behind, his hands resting against Trevor's chest, something solid for him to focus on and as a tear starts to roll down Rose's cheek he reaches up to brush it away, running his hand through her hair only to pull out a clump as he pulled away but he couldn't run when his instincts to run kick in like they always used to do when situations turned emotional, bury it in his mind and lock up his worries like he always did but this wasn't going to be something he could run from.

(Sev) Life is not the fantasy or a fairy tale. There are no happy endings, only happy moments. He'd like to say they picked up right where they left off, Rose lived until a ripe old age, and they never fought again. But he'd be lying. It was hard to fold their lives back into place again, especially with Carrie and Julie. To just pick up after their seventeen year old selves was an impossible dream. But they could do breakfast. And breakfast became dinner. Dinner became one date which became two which became many. It took trouble and care, but they slotted themselves back into each other's lives again. There were lunch dates, and movie nights. There were late night wine dates and early morning coffee dates. They found their happy moments. A decade of separation had smoothed out the rough edges. If Trevor stormed out after a harsh argument, he'd return the next day with flowers and apologies. If Rose snapped and lost her temper, she'd take herself off for a walk to cool down. If Ray was bothered by something, he'd speak up instead of pushing it all down. They found their happy moments. And when 1 month became 1 year, they celebrated with moving boxes and a new, bigger couch. When 1 year became 2, they celebrated with promise rings and whispers of a better future between light kisses. 3 years became 4, became 5, and so on... They found their happy moments. But life is not a fantasy or a fairy tale. Their story ends in a hospital. Rose dies with both her husbands at her side, with both her daughters and son clutching on her hands. She dies with a smile on her face, knowing she is not leaving them to suffer alone. Ray and Trevor grieve together.

(Ren) And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. They stick to their daughters through the worst of it but they don’t let the girl’s fighting rip into them too. It’s not what Rose would’ve wanted for them, it’s not what she would’ve wanted for Julie or Carrie either.

(Sev) And when Julie plays with her ghost band, it's much earlier that Trevor recognizes who she's playing with.

(Ren) Luke’s mad at first, ofc he is but after everything is explained and out in the open Trevor finds himself at home in a building that never felt like home despite the fact he grew up in it.

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thoradvice · 4 years ago

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tw depressive thoughts, suicidal ideation, conversoin therapy mention, homophobia, death, anxiety, panic attacks, overdose

hey thor, if you could please tag this with those and more that you see fit, i wouldn't want to trigger anyone, thank you.

but i've been struggling the past year with a lot. i'm bisexual, and my parents are extremely homophobic and i dont doubt that they would send me to conversation therapy if given the chance. my papa, the only person i truly ever think loved me, passed away four days before my birthday in september. my anxiety attacks have worsened so much that i get them when i get below a 85 on an assignment. i have to take care of my two little brothers almost entirely by myself. my mother couldn't give a shit about me and i haven't seen my dad since he found out my mom was pregnant with another mans baby. that was two months ago.

i'm only 15, but i dont wanna be here anymore. the only reason i haven't done anything yet is because of my little brothers. they're the only thing keeping me here. i hate myself. i'm the spitting image of my mother and i cant stand to look myself in the mirror. all i see is her screaming at me, telling me i'm worthless and i don't deserve to be here in anymore. i held a bottle of the strongest medicine in the cabinet this morning, and i was so close to locking the door and taking them. i don't know why i sent this in, but i feel like i've talked so much to my mutuals on here and at this point i'm boring them, like they dont care anymore.

im going back to my therapist in a couple weeks, and i have a feeling i'll be put back on my meds. i just want this feeling to go away. i dont want to feel like this anymore. i want to be there for my little brothers and my soon-to-be little sister. i want them to see me as their strong older sister, not the girl who cant go three hours without crying.

i want to get better, but i don't know how to do that thor.

hi there, honey. i’m so so beyond sorry that you feel like this. please know that you deserve so much better. you deserve loving, accepting parents. you deserve a happy life. you deserve to feel good. i’m also gonna take this one point at a time, and give advice on each, because i think that way i’ll be able to give the most in-depth help.

it’s hard to deal with homophobic parents. it really is. but you don’t owe them your sexuality. you never have to tell them, especially if your safety is threatened. i know how hard it is to be closeted and to know that your parents won’t & don’t support you. but there is so much more than your parents. you will meet so many people who love, accept and support you for who you are, no matter what. i’m a huge believer in found family, and i believe that you can find your family. know that you’re not wrong. your feelings aren’t wrong. you will never be perverted or bad or gross for being bisexual. it’s so much more than okay to be bi. your sexuality is beautiful.

your mother is wrong. so so wrong. you’re worth so much. you’re a living, breathing person. that alone gives you so much inherent worth. nothing and nobody, including your mom, can ever take that away from you. there’s nothing that you or anyone else can do that will ever make you worthless and anything less than a person who deserves the best that life has to offer. you may look like your mother, but that doesn’t make you like her. from this ask alone, i can tell that you’re a loving, caring and strong individual. your mom seems the opposite.

you do deserve to be here. so so much. you deserve so much more than you believe right now. i’m so sorry that anyone has ever made you feel otherwise, and even more sorry that you think that suicide is the only way out. i know that these words are easy to say, but they’re true. i’m not much older than you (almost seventeen) and i’ve tried to kill myself several times, more times than i want to think about. i never thought that i was worth anything, that i deserved to be here. i hated myself beyond belief and i saw so much of my past self in your words. i’m by no means recovered, and i do still want to die some of the time. but i know that i have worth, and that i deserve to be here. i know that i’m not a bad person, and that i’m loved. my point here is that there is a future beyond this. it’s only in the last eight or so months that i’ve begun to feel like this. hell, i planned a suicide attempt back in march. recovery is possible for you. please believe me when i say this. it will take time, and effort, and it’s going to be hard. but you’re worth it. you owe it to yourself - your eight year old self, your thirty year old self, and your seventy year old self - to give life a chance.

that’s good !! that’s beyond good. i’m proud of you for that. please talk to your therapist & be honest with how you’ve been feeling. your meds will almost definitely help with this, and you’ll start to feel better soon. if they don’t work well for you, you can ask your therapist if you can switch them. opening up to your therapist, though, will absolutely be the best step in feeling okay again.

you’re so strong. so so fucking strong. you’re dealing with all of this, and you’re still here. that’s amazing. you want to get better, and you’re trying to make that happen. i’m sure your brothers (+ future sister) treasure you and know just how strong you are. please know that i’m so proud of you. it takes so much strength to know that you want to recover, and to reach out like this, to talk about your feelings at all. you’re so loved and you’re worth so much. please come talk to me (via asks or messages. if you prefer other social media, i can give you my instagram) if you ever need anything at all. best of luck <3

#ask #cicicantblog #thor gives advice #recovery #tw suicide #tw homophobia #tw conversion therapy #tw anixety #tw overdose #ask to tag

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