#one day i want to go back and mourn properly- we only had three hours

[vamptastic]

tbt to my school trip to dachau where i offered (as the only jewish person) to give a little info speech and say the mourner's kaddish and my civics teacher lectured me for asking if it was legal to read a prayer to my classmates 😭 like ok sorry we live in a state with a mandatory moment of silence before class starts and we only stopped praying to jesus at football games like two years ago meanwhile lighting a menorah next to the giant christmas tree in the square is technically illegal. forgive me if i'm unclear on how the establishment clause applies to public schools right now. Bitch.

[blythebewitched]

Her Name Was Bobby: Smiling Critters Oneshot

Two years . . . It was crazy to think he'd lived in this town for two years now. From a young age, Sunny had always been the center of attention everywhere he went. From his band all the way to his modeling career. At some point, the spotlight started to dim for him. So when Kickin brought up moving into town where he could be with his brothers, and try something new, he moved immediately. 

After two long grueling years, he'd finally managed to finish his nursing schooling. It started out as a hobby. Helping the elderly at retirement homes as a volunteer. But now he could really get into Hospice and care for the elderly properly. Sunny loved being around old people. They were sometimes far nicer than anyone his age.

About three weeks prior, Dogday recommended a hospital nearby to apply to. And of course, he was accepted immediately. Today was to be his first day.

Sunny practically swung out of bed. Firey determination pumping his blood. With a killer outfit and some stunning makeup, he was practically ready to go . . . Oh wait . . . Breakfast!

Dogday jumped at the sound of his front door opening. Peering from the kitchen, he saw his brother strut through to the kitchen doorway.

“Mourning Angel~!” Sunny chirped.

“Hiya Sunny. Lemme guess. First day of work and you forgot breakfast?” He passed his brother a plate of food. 

Sunny sat and munch happily as a response. He always forgot something! Dogday chuckled to himself. 

“Say. Speaking of the hospital? Have you met Bobby?”

Bobby. Dogday and Kickin had a gracious number of friends. The only ones he remembered were Catnap and Picky. So, he shook his head. Not really interested in meeting the guy.

“Bobby is the head nurse of the hospital! You should say hi!” 

Sunny took one last bite and headed towards the door. “I'll think about if that's my boss or not.” And he headed out the door and to work.

. . . 

A few hours into the day and Sunny was already sore. He didn't really mind it though. The staff in hospice were really nice and patient. And the elderly were, for the most part, sweeties. As he was bottling pills, he reached for his left shoulder rubbing out some pain that was there. 

Nurse Nip walked up behind him and grabbed his shoulder. “Hard day?”

“Nah. Its just some pent up tension. Thats what hard work'll do.”

“Mm okay. You should probably have the head nurse check that out though.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Well we don't want the new star nurse to keel over after the first day right?”

“Hahaha! True. Well, let me finish up here and I'll see . . . Umm . . . Who again?”

“The head nurse! Bobby Bearhug!”

Bobby. Dogday mentioned that earlier. He was a little annoyed to have to see someone he wasn't keen on meeting, but he kept his promises to his bros. 

Sun suppressed a groan and gave the other nurse a thumbs up before they left. 

. . . 

The head nurses office was on the top floor. Rather than going up the stairs, Sunny decided to take the elevator. The elevator chimed as it reached his floor. The doors opened and he stepped inside. He had planned on a silent ride on his way to see the nurse, but he oddly felt eyes on him.

Sunny curiously looked down next to him through a side eye. There was a girl, another nurse in the elevator with him. Her uniform looked slightly different so he could tell her position was different. The girl was looking up at him. 

Their eyes locked for a moment. Both curious of the other. “You're very pretty.” Was the words that broke their silence.

Sun now fully turned towards her. “What did you say?”

“Haha. Sorry. Was that too blunt? I just think you're very pretty. I've never seen such a colorful bird before.”

“Oh. Thanks.” He was known to be a charmer. A smooth talker. But when it came to flirting or compliments, he flopped hard. His forte was getting people to do what he wanted. So it was safe to say he didn't know what to do when the girl complimented him.

Sun's first thought was to compliment her back. She was substantially shorter than him. Though he was very tall compared to most. The girl was a bear in a deep red coat of fur. Like fine wine. He couldn't say that though. Perhaps something else? Her blush? Her hair? Her smile? . . . No. 

Often when he attempted to establish relationships in the past, he came across as either creepy. A lot of the time, his pride and vanity made him look full of himself. Nobody ever gave him a chance . . . It was the reason he spent so much time alone or with the elderly. 

So, he said nothing. Afraid of making her uncomfortable in such a small space. Suddenly, he felt a hand run through the feathers of his right arm. He had to force himself not to ruffle and fluff up at the touch. His head swung down facing the nurse admiring him.

Both her hands went up the length of his arm. Her eyes looked up at him through her eyebrows. The look was sultry, making Sunny nervous. He couldn't tell if she intended for the interaction to be so personal. 

“You really do have nice feathers. I like the colors. And you're so fluffy!” She gave him the biggest smile. Sweet and elite. “I haven't seen you around before. Are you new?”

“Y-yeah . . . I'm the new hospice nurse . . . Sunshine. But e-everyone calls me Sunny.” 

“SUNNY!?” She stopped and stared at him wide eyed.

The elevator chimed and the door opened to the top floor. Sun was dragged out and led down the hall. 

“By any chance, do you know Dogday? Or Kickin Chicken?” 

“They are my little brothers. Why? You know them?”

The little bear spun around on her heels and gave him a silly smile. Expecting him to guess. “Didn't DD tell you something about meeting someone today?” She chimed. 

It took Sunny a moment, but when it hit him, he felt his face turn red. When DD mentioned his friend Bobby, HE ASSUMED BOBBY WAS A DUDE! Not some cutie . . . In a nurses outfit no less. He cursed his brother internally. The last thing he wanted to do right now was scare her off, but he couldn't help but like her. 

Once outside her office, Bobby asked, “So! Is there anything I can help you with while you're here?”

Sunny almost completely forgot about it. “One of the nurses recommended I see you about some tension in my shoulder.” . . . It was only after saying it that he REALLY thought about it.

“YOU DON'T HAVE TO THOUGH! IT'S NOTHING!” He was praying she would let him go. 

“WHAT!? Get your behind in here now! I'll have that checked out in a jiff.” Bobby grabbed his arm again and dragged him to the couch in her office. Why was it so easy for this lil mini bear to drag him???

. . . 

The next thirty minutes was torturous. They had a really good conversation and Sunny's original doubts had easily been squashed. But he was falling. HARD. And how could he not!? She was perfect. Super polite, great personality, beautiful and well composed. His problem here was that he couldn't say any of it. They'd just met! She'd think he was a sleaze if he said what he really thought of him. 

The worst part was the intimacy of the situation. Sun and Kickin had a habit of having their feathers ruffled at the slightest touch. Bobby's hands were on his shoulder for a good portion of his visit. It made hiding his delight near impossible. When she was done, she prescribed him a minor pain killer and sent him on his way. 

Walking home, the only part of his wonderful first day that stayed on his mind was Bobby. Her name wouldn't leave his head. Her touch had a phantom shadow imprinted on his body. Nothing about those thirty minutes left his head. He didn't even notice Kickin had walked up next to him. 

“SUN!”

“AH! Kickin!”

“Lmfao! What the hell's on your mind?”

The brothers stopped by DD's house where they met up with their brother on his porch. “How was work? You meet Bobby?” 

Bobby. The name stirred excitement he couldn't contain. “YEAH! Why didn't you introduce us sooner!?” Sunny began to ramble uncontrollably. 

DD and Kicks looked at each other slowly. The realization slowly but surely sinking in. Sinister smiles started creeping on their faces. 

Sunny hadn't noticed his brother's on point suspicions. He rambled as he thought of her. The perfect girl from the elevator who was stealing his heart. Sun wondered if this was love at first sight. The thought that he still had so much to learn about her was exhilarating. Bobby. Her name was Bobby. And for the first time in his life, he was truly in love.

[phoenix-positivity]

11 april 2024

I read back what I wrote yesterday. I don't remember writing it but it's written here: "Slowly the belief that I was innocent is starting to feel like actual truth."

Was this me jinxing myself?

I had therapy today and we did EMDR. The memory was one that had resurfaced during my previous EMDR session (SA). As I processed it this session, it brought back more details than I had been able to remember at the start of the session. I had two distinct snapshots that seemed to bring the worst feelings, one in first person view and one in third person view. Two different things happening within a short time.

It also brought so much guilt. Much stronger guilt than I have felt lately. Much more closely resembling the guilt I have felt at the beginnings of my trauma healing or during my ongoing trauma. Very convincing thoughts plagued my mind, very accusatory thoughts, very judgemental thoughts. All telling me the exact reasons why it was so obviously my fault. It seemed to go deeper than being guilty for just this scenario.

At the end of the session my therapist wanted me to repeat that it wasn't my fault repeatedly as affirmations. The longer I repeated it the more I seemed to feel it might be true. (I really hope for it to be true, I think the truth is that I'm terrified that it's my fault. I'm really really scared it's my fault) She also suggested I would view my own story as if a friend had been through it, and seeing if i would feel the same way about it from that perspective.

I told her that even though we processed the memory I still had to work on the guilt some more at home. Which is what I'm doing right now. I told her I needed to gather proper evidence to prove I'm not guilty. Not to anyone else, but mostly to myself.

The feelings are a bit too strong for me to focus on it properly.. It hurts quite a lot. Both the shame and the guilt. And perhaps also the grief and mourning when trying to accept it might not be fully my fault.

Yet, they seem to become harder to reach and recall. I'm not sure if that's dissociation or these thoughts being processed the way my visual memories get processed. My therapist says EMDR often still keeps doing things in your brain for about two or three days after doing it. It's only been about.. 6 hours.. ?

Rest is probably a better option for now. If the guilt bothers me again tomorrow I can write about it then.

[mekatrio]

my enthusiasm has gradually petered out over the past few days bc i had been so busy + havent been getting enough sleep, but aa2 was a truly amazing experience for me ESPECIALLY the last case, so i still want to dissect my thoughts on it although im not as hyped up as i was right after i finished playing it (i was jumping around and grinning and pacing around my room for hours and shit 😁) i have so many thoughts so im gonna split my review rambling whatever this is into different parts, this one is my thoughts on the first three cases :D

1st case was nothing spectacular.. pretty long for a tutorial level but i guess it was acting as padding for the more dramatic 2nd case.. i guessss. at least it was very funny and not too hard to solve. and it was also trying to be more thorough in teaching the gameplay mechanics during court sessions and making sure players have an idea of what to expect in later cases.. probably... its whatever whatever. at least an amnesic concussion is still the funniest way to reteach a tutorial so im so happy they went with that.

i liked the second case!! i wasnt able to figure out how the clothing box fit into everything until the very end, so i could rly understand wright's panic, bc for a good chunk of the case it really did seem like maya had killed someone. i think this case felt the most 'turnabout' of them all, bc in other cases there were other plausibilities and culprits right from the get-go, but w the way this murder happened in a locked room with (seemingly) only 2 individuals inside, it actually did feel impossible to save maya at first. so it was very satisfying to pick apart the lies and inconsistencies and be able to arrive to the truth. and it was nice to see kurain village, and learn more about the feys in general. and it was nice to see mia again!!! i wasnt sure if she would be coming back or not. mia and maya's reunion at the end of the case was super touching, bc one of the saddest moments in aa1 to me was during the 4th case when maya couldnt channel mia, and was wondering if she would ever be able to see her again.. so it was nice that she was really able to see her again :')

speaking of mia, i dont know if this series will explore this further, but just thinking abt her state of existence is lowkey kinda scary.. like, whats it like being dead? whats the difference between being alive and dead, considering mia is still somewhat mentoring and advising us despite being dead? could a fey, who can just possess another fey like that, be able to steal the body of another fey if they were killed? (this sounds like a possible case in the future, i wonder if this will happen..) will mia be like that forever? will future generations be able to speak to this mia, can she like.... rest? disappear? does she want to? can she? and its also pretty sad too, with how in aa1 when maya wondered if she could see her again; i feel like its less sad to have someone you love die and have that be that, than it is for them to die and you can maybe or maybe not see them again.. like i dunno. i hope this gets explored more, im curious abt it!!

also, mia being in this state of 'is but isnt here' really makes phoenix's character more enriching to me, bc in the first game he lost someone very dear and important to him... except not really. and we never really see him properly grieve mia in any extent if my memory is correct. like he didnt really dwell on it, he had to push thru it in order to defend maya. but then now in the second game, when we compare wright's almost... flippancy towards mia's death to his refusal to even acknowledge edgeworth's 'death'.... its a super interesting difference. this isnt to say that phoenix necessarily values one character over the other, but bc mia isnt necessarily 'gone'... there technically isnt much to mourn? kinda?? so the way we see phoenix behave in this game irt edgeworth, we get to properly see how phoenix behaves in the face of actual loss.. and his answer to loss is to completely reject it. and it works amazingly with gameplay too, bc he's really just compartmentalizing tf out of his issues and being like Nope. Let's Examine This Room Instead :) while maya or pearl just stares at him like 😐 it adds an extremely compelling layer of depth to wright's character!! and these moments of wright's rejection of his loss are done just the perfect amount of times, very seldomly and very restrainfully, that it creates this perfect air of tension throughout the entire game before it finally blows over in the last case. I LOVE IT RRARRGHHHH

pearl's and franziska's introduction to the story were amazing as well! i had no idea what pearl's character would be like... definitely was not expecting her to be mia's vessel #2 😭 but no yes pearl was an infinitely adorable and entertaining character, it is just so so so so awesome to have a tiny child who speaks so elegantly and have such mature tastes, but still be a cute tiny child. i love you pearl. if shes not in the next game im going to be REALLY REALLY SAD....... and franziska came in with just a massive dominating personality like Yes!!! she livened up so much of the game with her presence. im going to give franziska her own post bc she deserves it so ill talk abt her more in depth later.

and of course the ini miney twist... i already said this but the reasoning for the reveal (you cant drive without a license) is fucking IJBOL but ignoring the absurdity of that, it was a really good twist that i didnt see coming but could still be satisfied with. it was also really sad that morgan had to be convicted too, for pearl's sake i had really hoped that tht wouldnt be the case :( all in all the second case was very suspenseful, emotional, and very very good. i really liked it!

and the third case............................................................................

i wanted to put a reaction image here. but i could not find anything that could express the magnitude of my immense disgust. disappointment. resentment. and unhappiness................

i already posted a lot of my main grievances with it in my lb tag, and thinking abt this case again is just self-inflicting psychic damage so ill keep it short. but man did it suck. cuz currently in life i can only play aa like 2/3 days a week and then its back to 4/5 days of work. i did the first two cases in 3 days, worked for the rest of the week, and came back in anticipation bc the second case left off on such a good note. and then to use my 2 free days on a case this shitty... BROOOOOO FUCK THIS SHIT MAN!!! i spent the following days of work just being PISSED AS HELLLL cuz like i wanted to play a better case but now i could seeth as i worked bc of this SHITTY CASE like not only did it suck but it had to be LONG too. not like final case long but normal case long but ugh it sucked sucked sucked. ive said this before but i get they were trying to make the murder seem like a magic trick that we had to figure out the inner workings of, but like.... it just fucking sucked and wasnt well-executed at all. it didnt help that nearly every character in this case was incredibly grating and annoying and the one bearable character, acro, had to be the killer.. also that fucking ventriloquist like why was he standing around in the second day when there was literally nothing to talk to him about? also why did the ringmaster wear max's fucking clothes like wha..... i dont even care anymoreeeee 😭 ok bye bye im gonna gush about the 4th case in a seperate post now cuz that was the best fucking thing ever!!!!!!

[lemons3ason]

HOW THE VINSMOKE BROTHERS REACT TO LOSING THEIR S/O BECAUSE OF THEIR FATHER!

Warning: Mad Angst, Lowkey long I got kinda a little to into these scenarios, mentions of death and torture, I cried and lowkey need to make a part two for fluff TT-TT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ichiji Vinsmoke

You were missing from bed this morning, of course Ichiji was curious of it since you were practically 8 months pregnant but he thought you were just back in the kitchen cooking with Cosette again. You were a chef for the Germa Kingdom, the only reason he had met you was because Niji had thrown a plate of food at Cosette and you shielded her from it before striking Niji in a nerve and knocking him unconscious for over 36 hours. Since that day Ichiji had claimed you as his, his cute firecracker, and yet for some reason you were never enough for his father. You made his son human, which in turn made him weak, sooner or later you would’ve had to be dealt with. Judge had summoned him to the throne room to speak with him alone, with his shadow casting over the young red haired man he spoke with a cold heartless tone, “(Y/n) has been executed. She was taken down to the dungeons before daybreak, so you won’t find her.”, he turned to his son to make sure he emphasized his point, “She wasn’t good enough for you anyways.”

Ichiji felt his heart shatter, something he once never had, and felt his lips quiver at the news. Nothing held him back, so why?! Why didn’t he just kill his father where he stood! Judge had sent you to the dungeons to be executed, all because he deemed you unworthy of the Vinsmoke name. Ichiji’s fist ignited into flames as his rage boiled in his blood. He was always cold and collected but right at this moment he was afraid! Afraid and enraged, Ichiji left his father alone and stormed down to the dungeons. Memories of his days tormenting Sanji replayed in his mind causing his stomach to churn. The dungeons were for the weak, only the strong could laugh from the other side of the bars and unfortunately you were just a weak powerless human compared to the monsters that lived right by your side.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n) answer me! Answer me right now!”, Ichiji’s voice roared through the cold dark cells of the dungeon.

Soldiers in charge of the chambers emerged attempting to calm their leader but their skulls simply met the hard brick walls as he punched them. Flames flickered from his fists and feet with each of his movements, even without his raid suit Ichiji was a force to be reckoned with.

“(Y/n)!”, his screams were desperate at this point, his emotional heart couldn’t handle the stress of the situation anymore.

Then he saw it, in pure disbelief he threw his glasses to the side taking in the pale lifeless battered body that laid before his eyes. Everything stopped, y-you were gone. He was to late. Ichiji didn’t want to believe it not now, not ever, he raced to your side scooping your cold form into his arm and holding you tight almost mistaking his own body heat as yours in broken hope that you were still alive. He was heartbroken, as he stared down at your beautiful sleeping face his vision became blurry. He had lost it, he lost you, tears and screams of agony poured out of Ichiji’s body. He couldn’t handle this, not (Y/n), not you of all people. His wails became louder so much so that his siblings could hear him, even Judge who stared out over the sea with no regret to his decision could hear the heartbroken wails of his precious son. Ichiji’s raw emotions triggered his powers, his tears evaporated from the intense heat his body produced and like an inferno eating at a dry field his flames engulfed the dungeons setting fire to half of the Germa Kingdom. Even as your body seared to ash in his arms he held onto you desperately his wails becoming noiseless gasps until his brothers pulled him out of the flames and away from your ashes.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)! (Y/n)!!!!!”, He screamed fighting against his brothers strength as soldiers rushed in to put out the flames.

Even if he showed weakness because of his heart Ichiji mourned your death, he couldn’t handle it anymore because every little thing reminded him of you. For a whole week he had locked himself in your old quarters and he wouldn’t budge...not until Reiju appeared with the only thing that would pull him out of mourning. She kicked the door open holding something small in her arms and sighed seeing her brother collapsed by your bedside.

“She’s gone Ichiji, get over it.”, Reiju growled.

“How do you expect me to do that? Tell me Reiju! Every woman I’ve ever seen was merely a toy of amusement for me until I met her! She reminded me what it meant to be human, how do you expect me to get over her!”, the red haired male growled grabbing his sister by the fabric collar until a soft cry caught his attention.

The sudden rough movement had awaken the slumbering (h/c) haired baby that rested in Reiju’s arms. Ichiji’s body trembled from shock and he once again collapsed to his knees. Reiju smiled and kneeled down in front of her younger brother carefully placing his child in his arms, “(Y/n) fought till the very end, I noticed them take her down to the dungeon and the stress from them beating her drove her body into labor. Father’s word was absolute to kill her but nothing was said about the baby. All she asked was that I took her.”, Reiju sighed tears of regret falling from her blue eyes.

This little baby girl, with Ichiji’s curly little eyebrows, and your sweet eyes, was all he had left of you and he wouldn’t let his father take her from him like he took you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Niji Vinsmoke

That night you hadn’t returned to bed, after a heated argument about his cruel behavior towards the staff of the ship you had left Niji alone in his quarters. The young prince waited impatiently for you to return but after midnight struck the clock he decided that it would be best to go find you instead. It wasn’t your first fight but truly he let himself go, he said things that he regretted and sucking it up and apologizing to you only seemed fair. He called your name loudly, not caring about the others and their sleep since he needed to find you quickly.

“(Y/n)? Hey little brat come on, it’s late we can continue this argument tomorrow just come to bed.”, he sighed running his fingers through his blue hair in frustration.

He noticed several guards talking amongst themselves and decided to question them on your whereabouts. All the soldiers froze up once they felt the intense anger radiating off of their general, they quickly stood at attention greeting Niji as he glared down at all of them. He noticed your necklace hanging out of one of their pockets and quickly snatched it back as he began to interrogate the soldier.

“Where the hell did you get this? A piece of gravel like you shouldn’t have been able to get this close to (Y/n) in order to take it. Where did you get this?”, Niji growled electricity discharged from his body with each passing second.

The soldier stumbled over his words trembling in fear as he looked death in the face, “I-I’m sorry sir! I-I found it in the dungeons it’s from the most recent kill. I-I didn’t know this b-belonged to Ms. (L/n)!”, the soldier squeaked in fear as Niji’s electricity made all the lights in the hall pop, his body glowed a dim blue in the dark corridor as he stormed down to the dungeons. Something didn’t feel right, for once an unsettling itch was making Niji nervous. Why would you be in the dungeons of all places? His steps echoed the farther down he went, but the eerie silence of the dungeons made his stomach ache. Something wasn’t right.

“(Y/n)? Hey brat, where are you? Come on this is enough, it’s not funny, (Y/n)!”, Niji yelled, his voice broke as he called your name, “(Y/n), come on I’m sorry! I don’t hate you, I love you so come back.”

For the first time ever fear was coursing through his blood and he didn’t know what to do. Every call of your name drove him crazy, you didn’t respond no matter how loud he got. He searched every sell desperately for you but he couldn’t find a thing, he was clueless on your whereabouts until one of the many prisoners in the dungeons spoke up.

“Niji?”, the old man called quickly grabbing the young prince’s attention.

“Who the hell do you think your calli-“

“That’s the name the young lady was calling when they were beating her. Niji, at the top of her lungs, it was painful to have to hear her.”, the old man sighed tears falling from his eyes.

Niji’s arms reached for his tattered clothes slamming him against the bars as he demanded answers, “What girl? Where did they take her?”

“T-this young lady with short (h/c) hair. They took her to the torture chamber just down the hall!”

“Her hair wasn’t short! Liar!”, Niji growled.

“I-It was! Lord Judge cut her hair with his spear to show her how little she meant to the family. Then ordered her execution, I haven’t heard her voice for the last three hours.”, the man admitted crying in fear of being punished.

Niji released the man and ran as quickly as he could to the chambers, but the pool of blood was enough for him to understand your fate. He stared down at the pool in defeat and fell to his knees as his vision became blurry. Bloodied whips and clubs littered the floor but Niji couldn’t see a thing, he screamed in anguish to the situation. His heart couldn’t take this, his head was splitting to the very thought of your death. His sadness quickly turned into rage, it’s was his fault, his father was the cause of all of this! Using his powers he appeared in his father’s room in a mere matter of seconds, his electricity burning hotter then ever before.

“WHERE IS MY (Y/N)?!”, Niji roared ripping his goggles off so he could see his father properly.

Judge, completely unamused by his favorite son’s outburst, simply scoffed and returned to his paperwork. Having been ignore Niji slammed his fist into Judge’s desk scattering and burning the papers throughout the room. He glared up at his father and repeated his question, “Where is my (Y/n)?”

“Tossed out to sea, it’s not like she was alive anymore. By now she’s being digested by some stray seaking that found her battered corpse.”, Judge sighed in frustration, “It’s not like I would’ve considered someone like her eligible to be your wife. A prince shouldn’t bother with a mere nameless slave.”

Niji was heartbroken, tears that had been ready to fall from his eyes from the past 20 years had finally started to fall. He couldn’t see, not even an inch in front of him as he grieved your death. He was to late, he fought with you and made you leave and when you needed him most he wasn’t there for you.

“It was pathetic how desperately she called your name, she was to reliant on you, it made the torture so much easier when she finally gave up. Hopefully the next woman you fall in love with is more suitable to be a Vinsmoke.”, Judge sighed lifting his son by his collar and throwing him out of his room.

Niji was forced to stumble back to his room, no matter how much he called you you never returned to his side. You were gone, all because he was to late.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanji Vinsmoke

“What happened to her? (Y/n)!”, Sanji yelled caressing your face as you slept.

Your body was covered in bruises and cuts from your recent fight with Niji, you had snuck onto the Germa ships to find Sanji and drag him back but unfortunately you had ran into one of his monster brothers. Reiju had stopped her beastly brother from killing you but you presence on the ship didn’t go unnoticed, Judge was now aware of you and he wasn’t happy. Reiju allowed you to stay in her room with Sanji but Judge had other plans for you.

“(Y/n) you idiot. You should’ve stayed with the others back on the Sunny.”, Sanji sighed holding your hand in his, you woke up seeing him softly kiss your knuckles.

“Takes an idiot to know one. Come back stupid, I miss you.”, you sighed turning to him.

Sanji frowned at you but he couldn’t help but smile seeing you awake. You were such a handful, always had been and always would be but that’s what he loved about you. He pressed a kiss to your forehead making you smile but once again you both forgot that you were prisoners to the family. Sanji carried you back to his room and kept you there by his side, you both softly whispered to each other declaring your love like children. Having you in his arms again made Sanji forget about his worries, all he needed was you and that’s all he wanted. Eventually sleep claimed you both but you both slept comfortably together sharing dreams that a promising future would hold. The next day Sanji was forced to meet Big Mom. He hoped that you’d be left alone in his quarters but hope was for fools, while he was gone one of the soldier’s had slipped a sleeping drug into your food and dragged you down to the dungeons.

“(Y/n), I’m back. Have you eaten I’ll make yo-(Y/n)? (Y/n)?!”, Sanji’s blood ran cold seeing you missing, you couldn’t move around with your injuries which meant someone had taken you. He raced through the halls of the ship searching for you desperately, not one soldier told him where you were but a feeling in his chest told him exactly where you were. His legs carried him to the dungeon chambers but he found himself unable to even open the door. Memories of the caged abuse he went through drove a cold sweat through his body, but he had to save you. He swallowed his fears and opened the door but his fears were realized when he heard your voice scream his name. He hurried, he rushed, as quickly as he could but he was seconds to late. With his father looming over your battered body Sanji was forced to watch the spear pierce through your back,

“S-sanji.”, you cried as the injury killed you instantly, your outstretched hand fell to the ground as you passed away.

“Why failures stick together I will never know, but at least there’s one less of you vermin.”, Judge growled pulling his spear from your corpse as he turned around to see his mortified son, “It’ll teach you better then to let fools get in the way of my goals.”

He simply scoffed at him and walked back up the stairs while Sanji fell to his knees just inches away from your body. “(Y-y/n)...(y/n).”, Sanji croaked holding the hand that you had been reaching for him with.

“(Y/n)!”, he screamed to no one in the cold depressing dungeon as he pulled your body towards his chest to hold you.

He sobbed into your hair, crying until his voice ran dry. Sanji couldn’t accept this, “Not like this, p-please not like this. Not her!”, he begged staring down at your bruised face that still looked like a beautiful Angel in his eyes.

“(Y/n) please don’t leave me. Not like this my dear.”, he whimpered pressing his forehead against yours.

This dungeon had caused him so much pain and now it was the place that had taken you from him. Why did life have to hate him so much? To be married off to a stranger, to be taken from his crew, and worst of all to lose the only woman he had wanted to marry. His family brought him nothing but agony, he cried until exhaustion forced him to sleep. Reiju was ordered to fetch him for dinner but the sight of her younger brother asleep against the wall while holding your dead corpse was enough to move her to tears. He truly did love you but now you were gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yonji Vinsmoke

From the start Yonji knew that his father hated your existence, but Yonji just couldn’t help it. He had fallen for you, the way his name rolled of your tongue and past your sweet soft lips made him crave your presence. The way you reached your small hands up to him to hold his face in your hands made his heart face, but your eyes, your beautiful passionate shimmering eyes made him fall head over heels for you. Even when he was disrespectful towards others Yonji would always keep an eye on you smiling when he saw you doing the simplest of tasks. The prince that loved a peasant what a cliche love story. Even if he was a genetically modified human in your eyes he was just him, and you were just the perfect normal little human girl.

“Prince Yonji I made cookies today. Would you lik-oh heehee.”, you giggled watching Yonji eat the cookie from your fingers.

His crumb covered lips pressed against your cheek making you smile, but your soft moment together was spoiled by the all to familiar scoff of Lord Judge. The tall giant glared down at you while you sheepishly smiled up and greeted him, Yonji scowled at his Father’s glare and wrapped his arm around your waist protectively.

“Keep moving old man.”, he growled much to Judge’s disgust.

Cosette called you back to the kitchen, you excused yourself hesitating to give Yonji a kiss in front of his father but the green haired man wouldn’t let you leave without a proper kiss. As soon as he got his kiss he let you go, your face flushed red and smiling as you returned to your duties.

“Why you bother with a failure like her irritates me, you deserve a princess not a dirty servant Yonji.”, Judge growled down to his youngest son.

Yonji scoffed in annoyance to his father and simply walked away leaving his father to his own complaints. Judge decided that if you were the one his son wanted then he’d modify you so that you were actually useful to the family. Every night you would come to find Yonji and kiss him goodnight, it was a ritual that he became dependent on but tonight you didn’t show up. Far past midnight sleep was finally beginning to take over his body but he tried to stay awake hoping that you’d just been busy with chores. He woke up angry the next day because of your absence and went to search for you to give you a piece of his mind but no one had seen you. You always presented yourself to work even if you were exhausted or sick meaning something had happened to you. Yonji growled under his breath knowing that his father had something to do with it. One of the doctors appeared before him asking for his presence in the dungeon chambers, Yonji didn’t want to bother with it but his father was waiting for him. Just entering the room he could hear torturous screams resonating from down below, his father must’ve been furious.

“What do you want old man?”

His father simply pointed into one of the screaming cages and smiled, “Now she’s worthy of you. A soldier ready to give her life for you.”, he chuckled.

That’s when Yonji saw it, his eyes widened in shock seeing your blood stained body killing a prisoner. You held the knife above your head ready to kill them but Yonji’s hand caught your wrist as he called your name. You responded but the look in your eyes was enough to tell him what had happened. Cold, lifeless, dead (e/c) eyes, looked into his there was no spark in them anymore.

“What did you do to her!?”, Yonji growled sending his mechanical arm right to his fathers face.

Judge was unimpressed by his son’s rage and pushed his hand away, “Simply made her worthy of you. An annoying woman like her wasn’t fit to be a love interest for one of my precious sons but with her genetic enhancements now she is. Surprisingly she was able to stay sane for about 7 hours before the electrical charges finally fried what little brain cells she had. The only sacrifice was her mental sanity, her emotions, and her heart. She’s the perfect little puppet now.”

Yonji’s face dropped to the news of your torture, he turned to your frozen form and kiss your lips hoping that you’d react, hoping that it wasn’t true but nothing happened. Your cheeks didn’t heat up, your eyes didn’t sparkle with love, you didn’t call his name sweetly, he lost you.

“REVERSE IT! REVERSE THE EFFECTS RIGHT NOW!”, Yonji ordered holding your head softly in his hands.

“She’d really die this time, if we bothered trying. This is how she stays if you want her by your side, once you’re tired of her dispose of her. She’s no longer human she’s just an empty shell.”

Yonji couldn’t believe it, he held you calling your name over and over until you responded but you never did. You never made a noise you were just silent. “N-no...(Y/n)...n-not like this. Please not like this come back to me.”, Yonji pleaded through his tears but from then on it would never be the same.

[kassandras-one-braincell]

Abby Anderson x GN!Reader - Please Don’t Leave Me

Bad Things Happen Bingo prompt: Please Don’t Leave Me (I’m creative with my titles)

Can be found on AO3 here.

Setting: before Abby leaves to go golfing. Abby and the reader are in an established relationship.

Warning: angst angst angst, excessive usage of the f-bomb and discussions of murder.

(Y/N) replacer safe.

Word count: 1846

Fuck, she’s really doing this.

Every day since Isaac had granted the Salt Lake Crew leave to hunt down Joel Miller, you tried to bargain with Abby, tried to make her see some sense. That killing him won’t take away any of the pain she feels. The grief. The gaping hole in her heart. But she’d always brush you off, distancing herself from you, suppressing her emotions with bicep curls and crunches as per habit.

Each passing hour, a nail was hammered into the coffin of the woman you love. And this morning is the final nail.

The quaint apartment you call home is filled with a cacophony of rustling and pleas as Abby shovels supplies into her backpack, preparing for her hunt. In her mind, Joel’s death warrant is signed, the execution nigh. And God are you desperate, trying to drill some semblance of reality into her stubborn mind one last time before she embarks on a journey she’ll only regret.

“Abby, please just listen to me for one minute—”

“I need to do this.” She heads to your small shared closet, refusing to look at you from your position by the bed. You frantically try to intercept her path, knowing full well she’s much, much stronger and can reposition you with ease. But it’s worth a try.

“This isn’t going to solve anything,” you implore, clutching the wood.

“Move, (Y/N).”

“Abby, this isn’t going to bring him back. You know that.”

“Move.” Her tone is exasperated, utterly focused on packing her shit and promptly leaving. Your heart sinks to your stomach.

“That girl in the hospital. The immune one. She must have been like a daughter to him for Joel to kill a group of innocent people for her,” you plead, feet firmly planted on the floor. Searching for her eyes, those blue irises alight with a maelstrom of hateful determination. They meet yours. “Killing him will just put her through all of this.”

Abby reaches for the closet door and slowly pulls it open, acknowledging your reluctance to move, deciding to disregard it. The wood begins to dig into your back and you’re forced to step aside. “This isn’t going to end, Abby. You fucking know this.” As she folds some spare clothes and places them in her backpack, you fall gracelessly to the bed, needing to sit down. Bile climbs up your oesophagus. Shit, where was her sense of fucking empathy?

“Abby…” Once again, she doesn’t so much as spare you a glance, folding the garments in robotic fashion. “Abby, you said she was a kid. A kid.”

The final shirt is stuffed haphazardly into the bag. She grits her teeth and turns to you. “He killed dozens of Fireflies, (Y/N). Dozens. And that’s all we fucking know of. There could be hundreds of others because he’s a stone cold killer.” Her face flushes with anger, no remnants of the woman you know left behind. “No one person is worth that many fucking lives.”

You let out a breathy laugh in sheer disbelief. “But it’s not about them, is it? Not to you.” The words escaped you in a hiss, one that didn’t go unnoticed. “Never fuckin’ has been.”

Abby rolls her eyes and grabs her maps from the coffee table, iron fist crumpling the papers beyond legibility. “There could have been a cure. A fucking cure to all this.”

On the surface, her words are rational. One life for a cure that would save millions was a worthy sacrifice, that you would be foolish to deny. But the odds of developing this cure were slim, and the girl would have likely died in vain. You knew this. Abby knew this. Jerry knew this.

With a shaky breath, you cradle your arms, never before having felt the urge to cage yourself around Abby. Fingers firmly gripping at your elbows, you let the cards fold. Unadulterated truth.

“You’re in denial, Abigail.”

A tut. “Don’t you fucking ‘Abigail’ me.” Her previous efforts to maintain a steady tone have been vanquished, anger seeping into each progressing word.

She’s gone.

And it’s this precise revelation that fills your eyes with oceans. Throat closing up, nose burning with the urge to spill over, you attempt – attempt – to articulate yourself, to no avail. Seconds later, rivulets trickle from your eyes to your cheeks, and you find yourself sniffling like some stupid kid… No, not a kid. A grieving adult, bereaved by the loss of a lover. Because the other figure in the room is but a husk of the radiant soul you fell for.

“All…” You pause to inhale, deeply: a futile effort to regulate your breathing, to lay rest to the turmoil suffocating your ability to fucking think. “All that’s going to happen is… You’re going to have to—” Hiccupping, you close your eyes, praying no more tears would fall. “To live with the guilt of orphaning a kid.”

Sentence finally out, you surrender to your sorrows, allowing them to wrack your chest with sobs and heaves until it gets too much, salt freely spilling from the floodgates. You can’t…you won’t bring yourself to look at Abby – the machine in her place, one programmed to kill and kill alone.

It’s wholly terrifying.

Distress flickers in her eyes, her frown slackening for a fraction of a second at the sound of your despair. “No one is forcing you to come,” she puts plainly, as if that has anything to do with the issue at hand.

“You know this – isn’t about that. Fuck, even Owen knows this…this is a bad idea.” Too dejected to cry. Too dejected to battle the hitched breaths you take trying to force out the words.

Words that fall upon deaf ears. “That’s not what Owen told me.” She slots a Swiss army knife into her cargo pants’ pocket, headed with a canteen in hand towards the kitchenette. “He was there, (Y/N). He agreed that Joel needs to die.”

“Because he’s fucking scared of you!” We all are, nearly breaks free from your lips, but that’s not what Abby needs to hear right now. Nothing that will push her away. Further away. The reigns you have on your lover are fraying, leaving you grasping at nought but strings. Frenzied, you attempt a softer, less concrete approach. “Baby, it isn’t normal to be so…hellbent on revenge like this.”

Silence. The delicate trickle of water sounds from the faucet as Abby fills her canteen. Then, a sigh, one of frustration as opposed to defeat. “If you think calling me ‘baby’ is going to erase four motherfucking years of grief, you are sorely mistaken. You’re smarter than that.”

Patience thinning, you stand up, wading through strewn supplies across the apartment floor towards the kitchenette. “Four years and you still haven’t given yourself time to mourn properly,” you reason, deliberately obstructing her path out of the kitchen with your body again. “Maybe if you had you’d see some fucking sense.”

God, that was a mistake. Shit, shit, shit shit shit the last thing you want to do is piss her off, not with her mind in such a volatile state, devoid of all logic.

“I appreciate you’ve lived a fucking sheltered life since the outbreak,” she seethed. What?

“That’s not true—”

“And you have no fucking idea what it’s like to have someone ripped away from you like that.” Volume rising, words a mantra fuelled by detest. “And you know, maybe, just fucking maybe, this’ll be my one chance to put an end to this shit!” The fist not clutching her backpack clenches. And for the first time ever while alone in her company, you flinch.

“He fucking deserves this, (Y/N)! If I can show him a fraction of the pain he caused me—”

“Abby, you’re scaring me,” you whimper, closing in on yourself. Genuinely afraid she’d raise her hand towards you.

Had you a mirror, you’d know truly how perturbed you look in this very moment. Streamlines drying on your cheeks, eyes reddening and puffy from crying, wide with fear like a doe face-to-face with a moving car. Body subconsciously making itself smaller, reducing its surface area, reducing the likelihood for any incoming swings to hit.

She lowers her guard, colour returning to her knuckles as she unravelled her fist. Knitted brows returning to their natural place above her eyes, mouth parted as the horror of her behaviour settles in.

“You know I would never hurt you, right?” Even her previously stern voice cracks at this.

It takes tremendous willpower to not fall back as she takes a tentative step towards you.

Drying your eyes with your sleeves – her sleeves…you forgot you’re wearing her old sweater, the notion sour on your tongue – you break your mutual gaze. “You’re not you right now,” you whisper, not trusting your larynx to produce anything above a mouse’s squeak. “This isn’t the Abby I know.”

For the first time this morning, a sentiment other than bloodlust registers in her face. Hurt.

Either unable or unwilling to respond, Abby recommences her packing in solemn silence.

Shit, you have three, perchance five minutes at best to dissuade your girlfriend from leaving and doing something that will haunt her for all eternity. Yet all you can do is brace yourself against the wall and allow a second tsunami of tears to wash over you, pangs of anguish striking your heart. “Abby—”

“I’m going, (Y/N).” Firm, with a shred less conviction, but firm enough.

A violent sob tears through you as you beg, beg, the vessel of the woman you adore, “Please don’t leave me.”

For a fleeting moment, your heart stops as she hesitates in her tracks. A flicker of hope seizes your mind, that perhaps she has reconsidered, that finally some logic has entered her train of thought.

It all crashes down when she reaches for the spare rifle ammunition by the front door.

“Fuck, Abby—”

“I’ll be gone a month at most.”

Hail-Mary.

Hail-Mary.

Please.

Chest shuddering with each sob that wracks through you, you utter through violently trembling lips and hiccups, “You’re so – fucking blinded – by your hatred – right now – that you can’t – fuck, see – this will – kill you—”

The gravity of the situation threatens to make your knees buckle.

Abby plucks her jacket from the coat hanger and wades over to your crippled stance by the kitchen. A hand brushes your salt-slicked cheek as a lock of hair is swept out of your line of sight. “I love you,” she whispers in pained honesty.

“Abby…” You try to take her hand, to ground her, to remind her of the life she’s leaving behind on her relentless pursuit of this warped sense of justice.

“Goodbye, (Y/N).” She squeezes your palm and lets go, zipping up her pack as the front door to the apartment creaks open and slams shut.

Death is a word that isn’t used lightly, especially not after an epidemic takes the world by storm. But part of your spirit certainly died the moment that door closed behind her.

(I’ll leave it up to you whether she has a change of heart or leaves and scores a few hits above par.)

[bcdwhcre]

How about a little hurt/comfort request of Levi x reader where the reader used to be happy and bubbly but one day they lose everyone in their squad & they feels guilty for surviving so all they do is train to get better, barely eat and nearly push themselves near the brink of death and Levi tries to help them through it

“Comfort,” Levi x Reader

Summary: Levi trying his best to comfort you after you lose your whole squad and fall into a deep depression hole.

Warnings: none, I think.

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Levi couldn’t help but lie awake in the bed you two shared. He would lie awake for hours most nights as the spot beside him always remained empty and cold, just like your empty heart as you stayed inside one of the training rooms on the base, working yourself past your limits to make you feel anything except guilt and pain.

At first he had given you space, let you grieve in peace because that’s what you said you wanted. You pushed him away and even yelled at him for coming too close to you, it pained him but he didn’t want to drive you away.

The guilt had you pinned down. It felt like you were trapped under water and couldn’t swim up to the surface, it was your fault your whole squad was dead. If you were only there in their last moments they would still be alive.

Your fists beat against the punching bag over and over again, the tears stinging your eyes as the flashbacks of their dead chewed up bodies laid out across the ground.

You had came across their remains, most were just arms and legs but at one point one of your cadets face was ripped in half, the picture implanted in your head permantely as you continue to blame yourself over and over again.

You wouldn’t eat for days at a time, you were never hungry, you were never feeling up to anything. You felt nothing inside of your dark soul, nothing.

Levi had grown worried as more days pass, the way you were grieving wasnt normal and it was pushing you to the brink of death at some points. He watched you turn into a complete stranger, someone who was once happy and full of life and love to now a dark person who was more cold than him.

As he stared up at the ceiling, thinking about everything and having everyday flash before his eyes, the reminder of you pushing yourself to death, the way you lost so much weight from not eating, from the bruises you gave yourself on your skin, it had made him reach his breaking point.

He had tried to avoid arguments for your sake but he was at a point where he didn’t give a shit anymore. He didn’t want to lose you, he loved you more than anything and if that meant he needed to either give you tough love or comfort you even when you said you didn’t want it- then that’s what he’ll do.

He walked down the hallway of the base, only wearing a simple white tee and a pair of sweatpants as his feet hit against the wooden floors towards the room he knew you were in- you were in there everyday for hours while everyone was asleep.

His hand pushed open the door, almost startling you and when you seen the look on his face, you grunted and turned back to the punching bag in front of you. The sweat dripped down your forehead and you continued punching it even though you were well past your limits.

“Y/N.” Levi said sternly, walking over and stopping you from punching the bag which annoyed you but he couldn’t care less.

The guilt and the grief that weighed on you had turned you into such a depressed angry person. You would easily take your anger out on Levi and even the other Scouts before you locked yourself in your room and let your depression send you into a deep sleep for hours at a time.

You hated to be so cold, especially towards Levi but the way depression had clouded your judgment- you honestly couldn’t care what happened. You didn’t care about the nasty words that left your mouth, it was better than sitting on the floor crying for hours.

“Can you move?” You simply said, your empty lifeless eyes met with his and he sighed.

It was nearly three in the morning, he was tired but he also was tired of not being able to sleep beside you or see your smile in the morning. He hated himself for letting you get this far into this, he hated not being of much comfort to you.

“No, we’re going to bed.” He had reached down to grab your arm but you were quick to rip it away from his grasp, making his eyebrows furrow.

“You can go, I’m staying here.”

“Y/N.”

“Levi, just leave me the fuck alone, okay?” You snapped, the sudden attitude you gave him had made him upset but more in a way where he was sad to see you like this.

He was also annoyed with the fact you acted like you could get away with such an attitude and at first he let you. He gave you so many passes because of your squad dying. He understood your grief and your pain but you had started to take advantage and be heartless to everyone around you- including your own boyfriend.

“No, this is not how you grieve.” He stared down at you, a pained expression on his face while yours was just emotionless.

“It’s been helping me grieve just fine.”

“Quit lying to yourself. Not sleeping, not eating, only working yourself to death is what you call grieving? Being a spiteful person isn’t the way to go about this.” Levi started to say, reaching over and grabbing both of your arms as he searched your eyes, trying to find any sign of life in you.

“I get it, I lost my entire squad too and at first it feels awful.. like you’re to blame for it but you’re not. The best we can do is just honor them and mourn and move on for their sake and ours.” He was never the type to give out some stupid inspiration speech but in this case, it was either yell at you or try to break down these walls you’ve built.

“I know you’re hurting, I can see it and I’ve given you so much space and time because that’s what you said you needed but you’re killing yourself and I can’t allow that... I can’t lose you too.” His words had stung like a snake bite full of venom, it had hurt you in ways you didn’t expect it to.

Then everything started to come to light, you started to realize everything and snap back into reality as you stared up at Levi, his eyes full of pain and hurt and it had made you rethink every decision you had made the last few weeks.

Your eyes started to burn with tears, a lump forming in your throat as you thought about how you were slowly killing yourself and hurting Levi in ways you didn’t mean to. Hurting him was something you never wanted to do and you didn’t realize you were doing it for weeks because you were being selfish.

Your shaky hands had reached over towards him, pulling him in a hug and buried your face into his shoulder as you silently cried. The tears continuously running down your cheeks as he tried to be of as much comfort as possible. His soft hands rubbing your back and holding onto you as tight as possible, not wanting to let you go.

“I’m so sorry..” You shook your head, clinging onto the back of his t-shirt and continued to repeat apologies.

“Don’t be, I know how much you’re hurting.” He mumbled, turning his head to plant a kiss on yours and gently pulled back.

He couldn’t help but sigh, brushing strands of your hair back from your face before wiping your tears off your cheeks with his thumbs. He cared about you more than he can explain and all he ever wanted was for you to be happy and seeing you in such a state where you were the opposite absolutely killed him.

“I just feel like I could’ve done more for them.” You said out loud, the first time actually talking about the deaths and how badly it hurt you.

“You did all you could, Y/N..” He tilted your chin up to look at him, his eyes burning into yours and you sniffled before nodding.

“Please, come back to bed with me.” He barely said over a whisper, his hand moving down to grab yours and slowly walk towards the door, praying you wouldn’t pull away again.

Instead you let him walk you back to your bedroom, the silence on the way back was deadly but everyone in the base was sleeping and you didn’t want to disturb anyone or wake anyone up. Once you both had stepped inside the bedroom, you were quick to step over to your shared bed and take off some pieces of clothing before settling under the blankets.

The bed was soft and cold, the blankets making you feel secured but when Levi laid down beside you and pulled you into his chest, it made you feel more safe and it made you feel better deep down.

You always pushed him away, always told him to leave and always ignored him, barely slept beside him and now as the reality of everything came rushing to your head, the guilt of pinning everything on Levi was lingering over you making your eyes water again and you sniffled, trying to hold back your tears.

You were surprised that he had stayed here and dealt with this, dealt with everything you put him through and he continued to do so. He continued to cuddle you, hold you tightly in his arms while rubbing soft circles on your back, making you calm down just a little.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to... be so angry towards you.” You spoke softly, making his head turn down to look at you.

“No matter how angry or upset you get, you’re not getting rid of me so take that out of your head.” He said, moving one hand up to caress your cheek and you nodded slowly.

You had leaned up, pressing your lips onto his in a short but soft kiss, almost forgetting just how soft his lips actually were. You have been so distant that you two have barely talked, kissed or hugged. You didn’t realize just how fucked up you were and you didn’t realize just how much you missed his touches.

After you pulled back, you planted a quick peck on his lips before laying your head back down on his chest, a sudden weight being lifted off of you but the guilt still remained and you knew you had to grieve properly and not continue to beat yourself up while dragging Levi down with you.

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• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

Read bio before requesting AOT

[earthlyyan]

Little Trainee (Platonic(?)Yan! Childe x Reader)

For @bye-bye-sunbird (thanks again for your help) Warnings: Abuse, Graphic descriptions of violence, Implied Torture, Eye Trauma, Unhealthy Sibling relationships, Childe being a sadist, Kidnapping? If you squint? Imprisonment? Betrayal 

Word Count: 3084

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He was gone.

Tartaglia held his younger brother’s fur-lined cap in his calloused hands, bringing it close to his chest. He’d taken off without it, wanting to be as far away from the killer that was his big brother so badly, he’d neglected to dress for the cold.

Despite his best efforts, Tartaglia had been unable to find him, and though tempted, he had refused to get the Fatui involved. It would further remind Teucer that his brother’s job was a terrifying one, too dark for the mind of a child to fully grasp. A child’s mind would never truly grasp why he had to kill, only that he had taken the life of another. And how that was an unforgivable sin.

He’d requested a day off work to prevent him from making any rash decisions on duty. He’d spent the day wandering aimlessly, desperately trying to gather his thoughts. He’d found himself in the familiar shambles of Dunyu Ruins. Perhaps he’d take out his frustrations on some ruin guards, or at least he’d considered it, until he saw you.

*

In and out and in and out.

Your sword found its way into the ruin guards eye again and again. It had been dead after the first thirteen stabs, but you didn’t care.

Your thrusts were becoming harder to maintain, your shallow breaths and sore arms halting your rage filled pursuit. Your legs straddled its large, heavy body, thick vines restrained its arms and legs.

It killed him. It killed your brother. The laser sliced his body while simultaneously cauterizing the wound, leaving him in two, unable to bleed. His face still frozen in that of agonizing pain.

It was going to kill you as well until a blinding green light appeared before you; a dendro vision.

You didn’t know how you did it, but now it was dead, and the gift of the archons laid on the ground before you. You hated it.

A gift of the gods, what a fucking joke.

You choked back the urge to vomit at the rancid scent before removing your sword from the gaping glass wound.

You kicked the hunk of metal as hard as you could before losing your balance and falling back onto the ground.

A man stood there; a couple years older than you. You’d fallen right at his feet.

He wordlessly helped you up off the ground before clearing his throat, as if to clear the air with it.

“You know, I’ve never seen someone receive a vision before.” His voice was light and airy. “I had been walking when it’s light blinded me. I regret not showing up sooner.”

You refused to look at the strange man, his words not registering. Your mind was too busy trying to process what had just happened.

“Hey,” His voice was louder, shaking you from your stunned stupor. He held out a handkerchief from his pocket. “You should probably get out of—”

“He’s dead.”

The man’s brow furrowed. “I’m sorry?”

“That thing killed him. He’s dead.” Your words were empty. You contemplated if you should be feeling anything else other than thinly veiled anger and disgust. You should’ve been sadder. The only thing you had felt at the time of you mindlessly stabbing the guard was desperation for your own survival, and fear that it would get up again. You were revolted at the sight of the corpse before you, but you weren’t terribly torn up about the death in itself. And that disgusted you.

Anyone else would’ve been. Anyone would’ve been devastated if they had watched their own kin get cut in two. But no, you were more worried about what you’d tell your mother.

You walked over to the remains of your brother and poked it with your foot, your blatant disrespect for the dead caught the man off guard. Your gut did flips in your stomach at the gruesome sight.

“You don’t seem too upset about it.” He seemed to lack the same feeling of fear at the sight of a corpse. You didn’t quite know how to feel about that. “Though, you don’t seem like you’ve got the guts to orchestrate it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He laughed. “The way you kept stabbing the poor ruin guard made me think it was self-defense, and that the death was an accident. But the fact that you’re not devastated at his death made me wonder that you did it intentionally.”

“And if it was?” “Then I think I’d applaud your ambition.”

*

The man introduced himself as Childe, a member of the Snezhnayan organization called the Fatui. He claimed to be a warrior of sorts, and that he had gone to Dunyu Ruins to take out some frustrations he had one some ruin guards. He then had stumbled across you stabbing a lifeless robot corpse.

He had treated you to lunch in Liyue, saying that leaving you to stew in your thoughts after witnessing something of that caliber was ill-advised.

“What were you doing in Dunyu Ruins?”

“My brother wanted to do something there. He wouldn’t tell me what it was.” You mumbled.

“And the sword?”

“The sword I have with me was the one he was carrying, but when his torso disconnected from his legs, his scabbard landed close to me. So I thought I might as well use it.” You stirred your soup with your spoon, not having much of an appetite.

“So why did he have the sword?”

“Archons know.” You sighed. “If I’m being frank, I think he was going to kill me.”

Childe lowered his tigerfish from his mouth. A light laugh left his lips, startling you. “What makes you think that?”

“I was father’s favorite, though I am the younger of the two of us. So when he found out he had left the inheritance to me instead of his eldest son, he thought it unfair.” You reluctantly brought the spoon to your lips and swallowed. “We had never gotten along; I was like a punching bag than his younger sibling.”

“And I suppose that’s why you’re not crying and mourning the loss?” His voice was mocking.

“Well, would you?”

Childe hummed. “I’m not sure, family is family, but…” his voice lowered into an inaudible mumble, pondering.

He was silent for a moment. He took a few bites of his grilled tigerfish. His eyes wandered to the scabbard at your hip. “You don’t know how to fight.”

“What? Where did this come from?” He hadn’t even finished his thought from before.

“The way you were holding the sword as you used it to kill the ruin guard was way off. Had you kept going, you could’ve gotten hurt. If you had held it properly you could still be stabbing it now. If you didn’t get that vision when you did, it could’ve killed you with how poorly you were handling yourself.”

“That’s the whole point of getting bestowed a vision. Saving you when you’re on the brink of death or something like that.” You shoved your spoon in your mouth again.

“Yes, true.” He sighed and set down the now empty skewer. “But if you hadn’t gotten it you would’ve ended up like—” “Okay jeez I get it!” You grumbled around the metal in your mouth. “What are you getting at?”

“Luckily for you, I’m quite skilled at the sword.” His chest puffed in pride. “And it’s not like you’re going to go home with half a brother in tow, yes?”

“So you want to train me? What good does that do you?” “I’ve always wanted to train someone in a weapon.” He smiled, though there was a tinge of sadness in his voice. Like he was looking forward to it before the invitation presented itself. “And now, I can.”

*

You were on the ground again, some shallow, superficial cuts littered your body, Childe’s blade inches from your throat.

“You left yourself open again. I told you this weeks ago and yet you can’t get it.” A disappointed sigh escaped his lips as he pinged the bridge of his nose. “Hunch, keep your legs apart, again.”

Some part of you wondered if Childe got off on hearing your groans and hisses when he slashed you. Something about the way he bounced on his legs and the way his grin seemed more genuine had you worried.

You slowly got yourself off the ground, your bones and muscles creaking in protest as you readied your brother’s blade again.

“If you’re sore it means its working.” His laugh echoed as he lunged himself at you again, leaving you a moment notice to swerve out of the way. “If you weren’t sore before it means you were doing it wrong.” He dodged an oncoming attack from your sword and swept your legs, leaving you on the floor again. Yup, he was definitely getting off on this.

*

Three months under Childe’s tutelage toned your body significantly. He seemed to be more eager to fight you these days. Saying that you were finally getting fun to fight or something like that.

“Despite your form issues in the beginning, you’re practically a natural.” He beamed as he extended a hand to you. “Fighting you is actually fun these days, and less boring.”

“It was boring before?” You were borderline insulted.

“Fighting against you was boring. Seeing you grow and mature as a fighter was interesting.”

“Uh huh.” You wiped the sweat from your brow. “Sure.”

He’d been gracious enough to let you room at his house. And for someone of his age, it was quite impressive for him to have one of this stature. You had your own room across the hall from his. He only had two rules when staying with him.

One: The lower levels were off limits. No matter what. He said that it had to do with his work, and that it would be unprofessional of him to allow someone to interfere.

Two: Don’t ask about his work.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious about it. Sometimes he’d leave for days on end and come back beat up, other times you’d hear noises from the lower levels.

They sounded like screams.

You wondered what he’d have to do for a living to hear such noises from below. Sometimes he’d go down for hours and come up itching for a fight with you, other times he’d leave satisfied and covered in blood. You’d wondered if it was his own.

Something about it didn’t sit right with you, but a fight with Childe was not one you wanted to engage in. He’d know all your moves, considering he’d been the one to teach them to you. Whenever you’d try to bring it up, you’d be shut down with an uncharacteristic coldness from him. One that barely used, only when he was talking about his work, that is.

But tonight the screams were louder. They reached your room in the depths of the night, even with the door closed and pillows blocking your ears. You had to know.

You were sick of being left in the dark here, you were sick of hearing those screams from downstairs. You had to know.

Were you training under a serial killer? Childe didn’t seem like the type, or was he?

The strange amount of pleasure he’d get when watching you get hurt by his hand. The ruthless way he’d slaughter hillichurls and treasure hoarders alike. No matter who or what it was, its death was no different to Childe. It seemed to light him ablaze, having him itching for a fight with anything that moved, and when it stopped moving, he’d be disappointed.

 The screams had died down after a few hours. You had to wait until you heard his boots go back upstairs and into the room across the hall.

You had to be more quiet if you were going to get in and out of there before he noticed you.

After these escapades he would take a shower, the running water would be enough to cover your footsteps going down the hall, truly.

A minute after the shower started running you made your move. It was easy to pick out what door led to the basement, due to the sheer amount of deadbolts and locks keeping it closed. He’d left the key in the door, probably to stop whoever was in the basement from looking through the keyhole. Smart move for him when it came to living alone, but with company, it was practically begging to be used.

And use it you did. Deadbolt after deadbolt, you finally turned the key.

The basement was warm and sweet smelling. But not in the pleasant way sweets were supposed to smell.

It made your stomach ache and twist as you descended the staircase, closing the door behind you.

The clinking of chains got your attention before the sight of blood had. The lights had flickered on, illuminating the sight before you. You couldn’t hold back your vomit anymore.

Your suspicions were right, or so it seemed, with the sheer amount of bodies below. One was still living, trembling, and hunching away from you. “Did Childe do this?” You knew the answer but had to be sure. Perhaps it was an associate he worked with, or some weird fetish.

The man nodded, “I didn’t have enough money.”

“What?”

“To pay back the Northland Bank.” He stammered. “I couldn’t pay them back, so they sent him.”

“He’s a debt collector?”

The man shook his head. “No. He doesn’t care about collecting the debt, not like the others.”

There were others?

“He gets sent in after the warning deadlines are up. You pay with your—”

The man abruptly stopped, looking past you and onto the stairwell. Then he couldn’t see at all.

An arrow flew past you, barely grazing your ear before finding itself in the mans eye socket. He slumped to the ground, lifeless. You whizzed around to meet the source, only to find Childe, an arrow drawn taught in the bow you’d barely see leave his side.

“Well that’s disappointing.” He sighed. “I was hoping to make him last another day.” He grimaced. “That was a warning shot, by the way.” He walked down the stairs slowly, still aiming at you. “Put your back to the wall.”

He almost sounded sad. You were too shocked to move.

An arrow landed at your feet, standing straight up against the ground. “I said ­put your back to the wall. That wasn’t a suggestion.”

You tripped over the man’s corpse while making it to the wall. “Childe I—” “Nope, too late for that. Hands up.” He slowly lowered his weapon and made a show of putting it away. He wanted you to know he still had it. He leaned in close to your face. “Now that’s a look I haven’t seen in quite some time.” His voice was low, husky. “Betrayal looks so good on you.”

You could feel his hot breath on your neck. You growled and threw your head forward, colliding with his. He took a step back.

Blood ran down from his forehead, his eyes practically glowing with excitement. “Oh hoh~ Now that’s what I’m talking about. A real fight from you.” He drew hydro blades from his sides and threw one at you. “I’m expecting improvement from you, my little trainee.”

You picked up the cool blade from your feet, never breaking eye-contact with him. “I’ll kill you.”

“You better hope you do. For your sake, at least.” You lunged at him, swiftly finding your way behind him, ready to strike.

“Your stance has gotten better.” He smiled. “But I’m afraid it still leaves you open” He kicked off from the ground and into the air, his foot collided with your chin sending you reeling.

“You bastard.” You hissed, picking yourself off from the ground with the steadiness of a newborn deer. “Why not be more quiet about your escapades down here? If you’d had your victims quiet down, I would’ve never found about what you were doing.”

“I never said I never wanted you to find out what I was doing.” He ran at you again, slicing your shirt and your left shoulder along with it. “I was hoping you’d have enough faith in your teacher to follow my rules.” He sighed. “I didn’t take you for the curious type.”

“I’m not.” You said, you swept at his leg, but he narrowly escaped, jumping just high enough to miss it. “But I enjoy liking to sleep in peace knowing my upperclassmen isn’t a serial killer.”

“I’m no serial killer!” He laughed, landing a cut to your lower back, then stepping hard on it. You fell to the ground trapped under his heel. “I’m simply following orders. I have nothing against these people.” He pressed harder.

You suppressed a scream.

“I do have a problem with those who interfere. You were going to help him, weren’t you?”

You’d be lying if you said you were going to leave him to die.

“Weren’t you?” His voice was closer to your ear this go round.

“Yes! Yes, I was!” You sobbed. “I just wanted to—”

“I’ve heard this before. Suddenly you have the moral upright to save a dying stranger? But you sat back and kicked your brother’s corpse?”

“That was different!” “Sure it was. A man is a man is a man, yeah?” His foot lifted from your back and turned you onto your stomach. “See the difference between me and a serial killer, is that if I was a serial killer, I probably would kill you right now.” He sighed. “But see, I like you. So I think I’ll let you live. Though don’t expect things to go back to normal. I can’t expect you to stay quiet and continue your training in the open alongside me.” He leaned you up against the wall, easily fighting against your protests. He took your wrists and cuffed them to the wall.

The restraints were still warm.

You shuddered.

“See, here’s the thing.” He said. He cupped your cheek with his spare hand. “I don’t want to leave you the way you are, half trained. I do enjoy fighting you.” He finished tying you upright and smiled, admiring his handiwork. “I’ll let you go under one condition.”

For the first time since you’d met him, his smile finally reached his eyes.

“You’re free if you can kill me.”

[chudleycanonficfest]

Nobody Compares

Day 22, Story #1 is by @arianatwycross

Title: Nobody compares Author/Artist: arianatwycross.tumblr.com Pairing: Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger Prompt: In Vino Veritas (under the influence) Rating: T Trigger Warning(s) (if any): n/a

Hermione admits to kissing Ron, brags about him to Sarah and her friends. They don’t believe her because she’s acting so out of character.

Ron comes up from behind her and kisses her neck. 

Her friends gasp loudly and she smiles at their shocked expressions. She doesn’t give them time to question her properly, instead she spins around and places her  hands on his chest. 

He’s smiling down at her, his eyes a little glassy from the alcohol. He bends down to whisper something in her ear and Hermione can’t help but bite her lip and nod back. 

Hermione wasn’t surprised that Ron got signed young. He had the sort of edge a football player needs in the modern world, the passion to do more while simultaneously keeping a smart head, his humour, his witty but sensible remarks about teammates and competitors. She wasn’t surprised when he got picked for the first team, the team he grew up supporting, watching on TV and following in magazines. 

She was surprised however, at how easily it was for them to drift apart. She always thought that they would be able to overcome issues like time zones and schedules, but she was wrong. Hermione graduated University with a first in Law, and was on her way to study her Master’s in London and Ron was upping his training and committing to the first team at Manchester United. 

At the beginning they emailed and texted frequently, while Hermione was still settling into her Bachelor’s degree and Ron was still playing for the Under 23’s. But in Hermione’s second year, her course load increased and she had barely had time to even watch a single tv show. Ron tried his best to see her on his weekends off, but in the end Hermione convinced him it wasn’t worth it. The conversations over email and phone started to dwindle to monthly, then every few months and then finally they stopped altogether. 

Hermione did mourn their friendship for a long time. She blamed herself mostly, she knew she was the one that had a bit more freedom to call him when she could. Ron was too busy dealing with training schedules and away games to think about calling his best friend from secondary school. 

It had been four years since she had seen Ron. She still thought about him at times, how could she not when he was one of the most famous football players in the country? Sometimes she saw him in the sports section of the newspaper or saw him on the TV. She was a self-proclaimed Manchester United fan and so she saw him play every game on the TV. Her friends had no idea they were best friends just a few years ago, they had no idea that he was Hermione’s first love. No one knew that, not even Ron. 

So when she walked into the pub down the street one Friday night, and found him standing at the bar she froze. Every muscle in her body just stopped, only her heart thumped heavily in her chest. There he was, back leaning against the bar, red hair still cut short, shoulders a little bit broader, arms definitely more toned, the same cheeky grin plastered on his face. Her heart flipped and cracked all at the same time. 

She hadn’t seen him for four years and on a random Friday night she runs into him? She quickly looked at Sarah next to her, glaring at her as if she had planned this. Sarah of course, did not. Sarah had no idea that Hermione was friends with the famous Ron Weasley. 

“Oh my god, is that Ron Weasley? Doesn’t he play for Man U Hermione? You support them don’t you?” 

Hermione just stared at Ron, her eyes drinking in the mannerisms she hadn’t seen in years. The cross of his arms across his body, the tilt of his smirk as he listened to his mates next to him. 

“Hermione?’ 

“Right, yeah that’s him” 

“Shall we say hello?” 

“No!” Hermione quickly interjects and steers Sarah away from the bar and towards a booth on the opposite side. She can still see him from where she sits but he can’t see her without turning around. 

Sarah gives Hermione a bewildered look. 

“Bit of a fangirl are we?” Sarah asks. 

Sarah works with Hermione, the two of them only just starting to hang out outside of work. She doesn’t know much about the smart solicitor yet, just that Sarah has a boyfriend that works at the bank and that she enjoys a large glass of pinot noir a bit too much. 

She’s nice, and smart and the two of them get along really well. But Hermione wasn’t about to go blab about how the man at the bar was the love of her life between the ages of 15-21. 

“No, just I’m way too awkward to say hello” She mutters, “Shall I grab us some drinks?” 

Sarah nods and rattles off her order. Hermione makes sure she goes to the furthest side of the bar to where Ron leans. He’s still looking in the opposite direction so she calms down a little, lets her muscles relax and breathes steadier so her heart doesn’t go into overdrive. 

She orders her drinks and while she waits she watches Ron. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans. She watches the smooth muscles in his back tense as he talks, he’s still as mesmerizing as the day she last saw him. 

She drinks another three glasses of wine before Sarah calls the rest of her friends, begging for them to join them at the pub. The pub has grown loud and rowdy, the drinks have been flowing and the heat has made everyone boisterous and excitable.  Ron has relocated to a table with his mates, a pint in his hand, the group of them laughing loudly and Hermione feels herself being pulled towards him. 

Sarah waits at the table for their friends while Hermione goes to order them another round. The alcohol is now freely flowing in her veins, so she doesn’t realise who’s next to her before it’s too late. He stands tall, his elbows resting on the sticky bar. She tenses, her entire body feels inflamed. 

“Mione?”

She might just cry. 

She looks up and finds Ron staring at her in shock. His blue eyes wide and his mouth wide open. She laughs. 

“Hey” she replies, smiling at him. 

Ron instantly smiles back and before she knows it he’s grabbing her into a hug and engulfing her with his scent. 

He smells exactly the same, she thinks. 

“Fucking hell, I can’t believe its you!” he says, pulling back and cupping her face with his large palms. 

She freezes at such an intimate touch but he doesn’t seem to realise. 

“You look good” she says, watching as his eyes also scanned her face. 

“You look stunning” he replies openly, making Hermione laugh again. He drops his hands. 

“How long has it been?” he asks. He’s shaking his head now, still in shock at seeing her. 

“Four years?” 

“Fucking hell, I’ve missed you” he says quietly. 

“Yeah, I’ve missed you too” 

They smile at each other. Hermione grabs the wine glass in front of her as the bartender makes Sarah’s drink. Her entire body is shaking. 

“Are you here with someone?” he asks. 

She points out Sarah, who is now sitting with three other girls. Girls that Hermione hardly knows. 

“Sarah, I work with her. It looks like her friends just showed up” Hermione gives Ron a tight smile.

“Oh well do you have time to chat?” 

“Yeah, let me just give this to Sarah and let her know” she holds up Sarah’s wine glass and Ron gives her a smile. Such a familiar smile that Hermione can’t help but smile back, her jaw hurts already. 

She walks over to the table, tells Sarah that she’s just bumped into an old friend and will be back soon. Sarah’s friends greet Hermione kindly but don’t complain. 

Then Hermione finds herself sitting at a table in the corner of the pub with Ron Weasley. 

She can’t quite believe it. She’s 24 and sitting across a table with her childhood best friend. He looks exactly the same but completely different. She feels exactly the same as she usually does when with him. The old feelings are bubbling up and overwhelming her. How can feelings from four years ago still be so strong?

They end up chatting for hours, the drinks fueling her excitement at seeing him, the alcohol probably fueling another type of feeling that she probably shouldn’t encourage. They talk about their families, their friends, football and her job.  She’s giggling and laughing and then Ron’s telling her he’s sorry. 

“I’m so sorry we feel out of touch. I still think about you all the time” he admits. He’s been drinking beers and she can tell he’s slightly tipsy by the redness of his cheeks. 

“Me too, I guess life just happened”  she murmurs. 

He nods sullenly. 

“I watch all of your games” she admits bravely. She blames the wine, she’s never normally this forward. 

“You do?” 

“Of course I do,” she smiles at his bewildered look. His blue eyes wide and searching hers for the catch. 

“You’re great” 

He laughs modestly. 

“I ask my mum about you every time I go home” he admits and she blushes furiously. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, that’s probably embarrassing but I think I’ve drunk too much to care.” He laughs and she laughs with him. His laugh is so contagious and familiar, a warmth that she had never found in anyone else.

“I’ve heard all about your big job in the city and your nice apartment,” he admits. 

“My mum still talks to your mum so I guess I’m not surprised. Does she also tell your mum that I haven’t had a proper boyfriend in years and that I need to get a move on?” she laughs. 

Ron smiles tightly and she watches as his eyes scan her face and settle on her lips.

“So still no boyfriend?” 

“Nope. What about you? Have you found a hot model to marry yet?” 

He screws his nose up and Hermione laughs. 

“No way, models are too much trouble. But no, no girlfriend. I was seeing a girl last year but it didn’t work out” 

Hermione’s heart flips. She doesn’t want to imagine Ron with another girl, falling in love with another girl.

“That’s a shame” she mutters, hands grasping the stem of the cool wine glass. 

“Not really” 

She looks up and finds him staring down into his beer. 

“Why?” 

He ignores her question and instead looks at her, catching her eyes with his. 

“Do you think everyone has that one person they compare everyone to?” 

The question surprises her, so much that she opens her mouth to answer but finds that she has nothing to say. Or at least, the words don’t seem to form. Instead she can only say one word. 

“Who?” 

His eyes widen but he looks down at the table and smiles. 

“Well, you of course” 

Hermione feels like she’s dreaming, like the alcohol running through her body has numbed her and she is just playing out a fantastic scenario in her drunken brain. 

“What?” she gulps. 

Ron nods as if he’s agreeing to something in his head. 

“You were my best friend and you’re gorgeous, of course I fancied you” they don’t break their eye contact, it seems too important, too life-changing of a conversation to not look at each other. 

“No you didn’t!” she scoffs, thinking of an 18-year old Ron fancying smart-ass, frizzy-haired Hermione. 

“Oh come on Mione! You’re beautiful, smart and funny! I was always flirting with you!” 

She tries to remember a time when he might have been flirting but she can’t, all she can remember is her 18 year old self watching him play football, the way he moved when he sprinted, his laugh when he scored, the way he hugged her when they celebrated. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she gulps. 

“You just got into Uni and you needed to focus. You were always stressing about how important your first year was and then when I called you, I felt like I was distracting you and I knew how important it all was for you so I just stopped calling” he had his hands running through his hair now, settling on his neck and squeezing. 

It was too much for her, to think that she was the reason Ron stopped talking to her. All she could think about was disappointing him, choosing her degree over his friendship, over something more. She stood up frantically and mumbled something about needing air. She heard Ron say something as she walked off but the air was suffocating her, the crowds were too much, the alcohol was making her feel slightly nauseous. 

She shoved open the front door to the pub and pushed through the small crowd out the front. She found a quiet corner near the car park, gulped in the fresh summer air and breathed. 

She couldn’t believe that Ron had fancied her this whole time, that he wanted to talk to her and that he didn’t just feel obliged to talk to her after school. He liked her and she liked him. She spent years watching him play football, happy that he had moved on, trying not to think about the time they had missed. 

“Mione?” 

Hermione looked up to find Ron standing idly a few meters ahead of her. 

“Ron,” she sighed. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” 

She didn’t consciously walk towards him, it just happened, like the sight of him spurred something in her , made her gravitate towards him. She was inches from him when she stopped and she looked up, her heart warming at the familiar blue eyes and the freckles on his cheeks. So familiar and so him. 

“I missed you so much” is all she can say, and she feels her heart filling at the way he smiles back at her. 

“I missed you too” 

“I’m probably a little drunk but can I kiss you?” she says, the words tumbling from her mouth before she can catch them and swallow them whole. 

He smiles brightly and takes her jaw in his hands, his palms back to where they belong. 

He leans down and kisses her deeply. His lips are soft beneath hers. She wraps her hands around his neck and her fingers lace between his hair, something she had only dreamt of doing. 

She tugs at his hair and he responds by slipping his tongue into her mouth, she moans as their tongues tangle and their breaths deepen. She’s feeling dizzy and she knows it’s not from the wine, it’s from being this close to Ron. It’s from all the pent up feelings she’s had buried for years, for the disappointment she had felt, the deep sadness from him not being in her life. 

They pull apart and Ron kisses the corner of her mouth, her jaw, her cheek. 

“Mione?” 

“Yeah?” she murmurs, still breathless. 

“Please tell me you have time to see me” 

The desperation in his voice breaks her, she grabs his face and kisses him fiercely. 

“Ron, I’m not letting you go this time” 

He smiles as he kisses her this time, and they laugh in between kisses. 

He asks if he can take her home and she delightfully finds out that he lives nearby, just a 20 minute walk from her own house. He explains that he’s actually been transferred to Arsenal and he moved to London just a few weeks ago. He seems happy about the change and Hermione can’t help but grin proudly as he tells her about the transfer and his new apartment. She feels like this is all too good to be true, that he’s now close by, he’s here and with her. 

She goes back inside the pub to say goodbye to Sarah, he pulls her in for another kiss before they enter the pub. He also says goodbye to his mates and she feels feverish as she wanders over to the crowded table. Sarah squeals when she appears and Hermione notes how intoxicated everyone is and smiles. Sarah’s friend, Ashleigh asks if Hermione knows Ron Weasley and Hermione nods, not stopping the huge smile that graces her face when she hears his name. Sarah squeals again at Hermione’s blush and Hermione ends up gushing when Sarah asks if they snogged. 

She revels in the faces of Sarah and her friends when Ron kisses her neck, and she lets his lips spread heat over her entire body. 

“We have a lot of catching up to do Miss Granger.”

[yellowsuitcase]

In the Prefect’s Bathroom Part 3 // Draco Malfoy

A/N: Hi guys! I’m so excited for y’all to read this. This series has gained a lot of traction and tbh it’s a bit scary but I really hope you guys like this. There WILL be a Part 4 and it WILL be the FINAL part! Look forward to it! Thank you so much!

Summary: Y/N deals with the aftermath of her breakup and Draco comforts her. The pair grow closer and Draco can’t ignore his feelings, but is Y/N able to accept them?

Warning(s): Swearing, mention of breakup, lots of crying, violence

Word Count: 3.8k

Masterlist & Taglist form

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

{Not my gif}

Y/N didn’t know where Harry had gone. Three hours had passed, and he'd never come back to his dorm. Y/N knew she ought to leave. She couldn’t stay in his room, not anymore. Luckily, it was Saturday, which meant no classes. Y/N slid off Harry's bed, the same one they'd cuddled on almost every week, and walked over to his mirror. Her reflection didn’t surprise her; her hair was knotted, and her eyes were bloodshot from all the tears. They hadn’t ceased until an hour after Harry left. While letting out an exhausted sigh, Y/N rubbed her hands down her face. She just felt so disappointed in herself. And not to mention her newfound sense of loneliness. It was crippling.

But when she felt well enough, she stepped away from the mirror, walked through the wooden door, and all the way down the familiar stone steps. The closer she got, the louder the voices were. Of course, she thought. It's Saturday; it makes sense that everyone would be in the common room. Once Y/N was near the last few steps, she could see fellow Gryffindors hanging out by the fire while others were doing their schoolwork. But when Y/N emerged into the room, all conversations quieted, and all eyes turned to her. It seemed as though word of the breakup had already reached their ears. She did her best to block out the whispers and avoid eye contact with anyone as she continued walking to her bedroom. Once she arrived, she was surprised to find that her roommate was inside.

“Oh, there you are. I was wondering when you’d be back,” she said. Y/N stood still in the doorway for a moment, debating whether or not to reply. Ultimately, she decided she didn't have the energy to fake a smile. Instead, she stumbled to her bed and collapsed on top of it, face first. “Did you get breakfast?” her roommate, Stephanie, asked. Y/N groaned in reply. Of course, she didn’t get breakfast; she wouldn’t be able to stomach anything in such a state. Stephanie stood near Y/N's bed, wondering if she should say or do something. Eventually, she decided she was uncomfortable with the tension in the air. “Well, I have some Charms homework, so... I’ll just… leave you to it,” she said awkwardly. Y/N heard her footsteps, then the sound of their door opening and closing. Tears instantly rushed to her eyes. Not even her roommate wanted to be around her. And based on the reaction of the students in the common room, nobody did. But Y/N couldn't blame them; she wouldn't want to associate with a cheater either.

The Gryffindor turned over on her plush mattress, her back now pressed against it. Upon opening her eyes, she noticed she’d stuck a photograph of her and Harry onto the ceiling. A jolt of pain struck her chest, but she forced herself to her feet and jumped. Her legs propelled her high enough to rip the picture down in one swift motion. It felt heavy in her palms. She breathed in shakily as she examined it. Her head was on Harry’s shoulder in the photo, and his arm was around her waist. It was from one of their trips to Hogsmeade earlier that year. The Y/N in the picture was smiling brightly as Harry squeezed her tight. Y/N gripped the paper, and with tears falling from her eyes, she ripped it down the center. The sound of it caused a painful cry to escape her lips. But once her hands stilled and she saw the destruction clutched in them, her suppressed anger took over. Forcefully, she put the pieces on top of one another and ripped through them again. And again. She kept going until the image of her and Harry was reduced to tiny little shreds of paper.

Y/N then cried for a couple minutes, wetting the shreds with her tears as she mourned what once was. But when she got a hold of herself, she clutched the pieces in one hand and slid off her bed. Stephanie had left the windows open, so Y/N walked over to them and stuck out her closed fist. With a heavy heart, she opened her palm and watched as the pieces scattered into the wind. 

When all of them were out of sight, Y/N grasped the windows' handles and pulled them towards her, shutting out the late morning air. Defeatedly, she sunk into the seat below the windows and breathed in a shaky breath. She felt so broken, so stupid. Even though Harry hadn’t been the perfect boyfriend, Y/N knew she was the one who fucked up; she was the one who cheated. And despite everything that happened between them, Harry didn’t deserve that. Not at all.

--------

Later on in the day, Y/N’s hunger finally got the best of her, so she dragged herself out of bed and cleaned herself up. She threw on a comfy sweater, a simple pair of sweats, and pinned her hair back with some clips. It was late in the afternoon, surely the Great Hall would be nearly empty as it was Saturday. At least, that was what Y/N was hoping for. The idea of the entire school staring at her made her feel uneasy. But she shook the thought away, grabbed her wand, and headed out the door. The people in the common room, once again, looked up upon her arrival but said nothing. Y/N could feel their judging stares on her back as she rushed through the archway, closing the Fat Lady portrait behind her.

The hallways were pretty deserted, save for a few wandering Slytherins. They were always rather fond of slinking around corridors. Y/N paid them no mind as she walked down the stairs to the Great Hall. It was, as she suspected, nearly empty. The Gryffindor table was clear except for some first years. Y/N started to walk towards it when her elbow was grabbed. She instinctively whipped around and wrenched her arm from the person’s grip. Her heart clenched when she saw who it was. 

“Hey… I heard about you and Potter,” Draco said. He looked sheepish as he fiddled with a loose thread hanging from his dark green sweater. 

“Is that all?” Y/N almost whispered, her voice scratchy from all her crying. 

Draco’s eyes seemed sad when they met hers. “I… don’t know what to say. But I do know that if I were you, I’d want someone to check up on me, so...” he paused, looking away from her. “Are you okay?” he finally asked. Y/N stared at him for a moment. She was not expecting those words to come out of Draco Malfoy’s mouth, but when they did, and when they registered, she couldn’t stop the sob that fell from her lips. 

Draco froze in shock. He had definitely not been expecting the girl to burst into tears right in front of him. But now that she was, his instincts screamed at him to comfort her. It was just...he didn’t quite know how. Draco was unfamiliar with girls. All he knew was how to have sex with them, and usually, that was a fun activity with no strings attached. Well, except with Y/N. Something about her was simply different from the others. The first time they did the deed, he’d pushed away the fuzzy feeling in his chest. The second time, however, he cleaned her. He cleaned her. Usually, he’d leave the girl to do that on her own time, but for some reason, with Y/N, he had taken it upon himself to fulfill that gesture. And not to mention the fact he kissed her. Twice! Granted, they were only on her temple, but they were still kisses for Merlin's sake.

But here he was, facing the girl responsible for all his confusing emotions, and she was crying. Draco glanced around the hall and noticed people beginning to stare. He shot them mean glares without thinking twice. They averted their eyes. When he turned back to Y/N, he found that she was looking at him. Her eyes held so much sadness that they made Draco’s heart physically hurt when he looked into them. So he did what his mother would always do when he cried. He lifted his arms and gently took Y/N into them. She hesitated at first but then buried herself into his chest, still heaving heavily with sobs. Draco rubbed her back in a soft, soothing motion. But then he quickly remembered where they were, so he put down his right arm, leaving his left on her back, and led them out of the Great Hall. 

Once in the corridor, Draco wasn’t sure where to take Y/N. He couldn’t take her to his common room. His housemates would likely be doing all kinds of illegal shit, and he didn’t want to surround Y/N with that while she was in such a fragile state. And, of course, her common room wasn’t an option since Harry and his friends would probably be there. It was too dark to go outside, and they wouldn’t be able to talk properly in the library. Draco was beginning to panic, but then it hit him; the Astronomy Tower. It was one of his favorite spots, and it was relatively likely that no one would be there. He wrapped his arm tighter around Y/N and began walking towards the tower. 

After a few minutes of walking and climbing the long staircase, the pair came to the top and shuffled into the Astronomy Tower. Y/N’s cries had died down already, she was only sniffling now, but Draco still kept his arm around her. “Why are we here?” she asked. Draco said nothing; he only walked them over to the railing. Y/N stared at him, perplexed, but Draco remained silent as he turned his nose up towards the sky. He loved looking at the stars. They reminded him how small and insignificant he truly was. And for someone like him, who had what felt like the weight of the world on their shoulders, it was comforting. 

When he was finally able to tear his eyes away from the sky, Draco dropped his arm from Y/N''s back and turned to her. She, too, had been staring at the sky. But when the blonde faced her, she tilted her head towards him and raised an eyebrow. Draco cleared his throat as his fingers found that loose thread. “Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked. Y/N scoffed. “Talk about what? How I’m the shittiest girlfriend ever? Or rather, was the shittiest,” she asked, her eyes shifting back to the stars. Draco sighed. “Well, I’m at fault here too, you know…” he said. Y/N rubbed her fingers on her forehead; she looked exhausted. “Draco, I appreciate it, but I made the decision to have sex with you. I knowingly and willingly cheated on Harry. You may have been the one I did it with, but that doesn’t put you at fault for my actions.”

“But I knew you were—,” Draco cut himself off with a sigh. “Well, why’d you do it then?” he asked. Y/N gave him an unimpressed look. “I already told you why. He didn’t satisfy me in the bedroom. Point, blank, period.” Draco shook his head. “But you obviously loved him, so why did you go through with it?” he pressed further. Y/N said nothing as she sunk to the floor and stuck her feet out so that they dangled off the edge of the tower. Draco didn’t join her initially, but after a minute or two, he sat down beside her and leaned his arms against the lower rung of the railing. Y/N played with her fingers anxiously for a bit before responding. “I guess…I felt like he and I were growing distant from each other. We stopped going to Hogsmede, we stopped studying together, we just...stopped,” Y/N said quietly, her voice deep and rough from her tears. “But that doesn’t make it okay; nothing makes it okay.” Draco’s eyebrows furrowed together. He could hear the pure pain in her voice, and he didn’t know what to think of it. All he knew was that it made his fists clench and his heart squeeze. 

Draco gazed at the girl beside him. She was so beautiful in the moonlight. Her skin looked soft. He so wished he could reach out and stroke her cheek, but he knew that would likely put her off. Instead, he unclenched his fist and wrapped his hand around hers. He felt her jump slightly upon feeling his touch, but then, she smiled at him. God, how he loved her smile. It made him feel warm. He wanted to share that warmth Y/N, so he scooted close to her. Their shoulders were now pressed together. He gazed down at her, studying her face. “How do you feel?” he asked tentatively, not knowing quite where the question came from. Y/N hummed and replied with one word. “Alone.”

“Well...for what it’s worth, I’ll be here if you need someone,” Draco replied in an uncertain tone. He still wasn’t really sure what he was doing, but he trusted what his gut was telling him. And it seemed like it was the right thing to say because out of nowhere, Y/N’s arms wrapped around Draco’s neck, and her body pressed up against him. Instinctively, Draco returned the hug. He pulled her close and nestled his face in the crook of her neck. Nothing was okay, not yet, but at the very least, they now had each other. 

-------

A few weeks later…

Draco twirled his wand between his fingers while he strolled through the stone corridors. He had a free period this school year and would often spend it by riding his broom around the quidditch pitch and trying out new tricks. He was on his way there now. He’d even asked Y/N to meet him there, considering she too had an open slot in her schedule. 

After their night at the Astronomy Tower, they started spending lots of time with one another. They played gobstones, hide n seek around the castle, and had recently begun studying together. Surprisingly, the two of them had become pretty good friends despite having only started talking about a month ago. But when Y/N had mentioned to Draco that she hadn’t ridden a broomstick since first year, he had insisted she join him for one of his joyrides. She resisted at first, but Draco promised her he’d let her choose another activity for the two of them and that he wouldn’t protest, no matter how stupid he thought it was. He was quite proud of himself for thinking up that one. Truth be told, Draco had gone soft for Y/N and would probably do whatever she wanted to do, but she didn’t need to know that.

While Draco was walking down the corridor, he heard the faint sound of laughing as well as a thud. It seemed like it was coming from ahead, so he increased his pace. When he turned the corner, he was surprised to find Y/N sprawled out on the floor with some Gryffindors standing above her, snickering. “What a piece of shit. Fucking slag,” one of the girls spat. The rest of the group laughed at her words and even began to kick Y/N’s sides. Draco felt anger rising in his chest. How dare they. How fucking dare they. 

Without thinking, he ripped his wand from his pocket and shouted, “Stupefy!” A shot of bright light flew towards the group. It knocked them off their feet and into the air. They each landed with a loud thump, but Draco couldn't care less. He ran over to Y/N just as she was getting to her feet. “Are you alright?” He asked her as he scanned her body, looking for injuries. Y/N nodded, but it was clear that she was frightened. Before he had the chance to comfort her, Draco’s attention was taken by the sound of a soft chuckle. He looked past Y/N to see the Gryffindors back on their feet. 

“Would you look at that? The man-whore came to save you Y/N. Why don’t you drop to your knees for him and give us a little show?” said a tall, light-haired boy. Draco’s shoulders heaved with fury, and he raised his wand again. “Draco, no!” Y/N shouted desperately, but the Slytherin was already casting the curse. “Petrificus Totalus!” Draco bellowed. Instantly, the boy’s body froze in place and fell over, causing his head to hit the stone floor. His friends jumped to his defense, raising their wands towards Draco, ready to strike. But Draco was smarter. He pointed his wand towards a pile of books on a nearby bench and whispered, “Oppugno.” The books quickly shot into the air, and with another wave of Draco’s wand, they were directed towards the two remaining Gryffindors of whom were confused at first. However, when a book slapped one across the face, they realized these objects were attacking them. Hastily, they scrambled for their previously discarded items, grabbed them, and bolted down the hallway, screaming as they went. 

Once they were gone, Draco marched up to the frozen boy lying on the floor. He glared into his eyes and lifted his foot. “Draco, don’t you dare,” Y/N warned as she followed after him. But all Draco could see was red. There was no way he'd back away from the chance to give the boy a taste of his own medicine. So, he pretended he hadn't heard Y/N, and rammed his foot into the Gryffindor’s side, just as he had done to Y/N. “Stop!” Y/N shouted. Draco continued to ignore her. He kept slamming his foot into the boy with absolutely no remorse. But to his dismay, his rampage was stopped by Y/N grabbing his arm and yanking him backward. He flailed for balance as he stumbled back. “Draco, that’s enough,” Y/N stated firmly before she quickly cast the counter-curse, effectively freeing the boy. He jumped to his feet, shooting daggers at the two of them. “Just go, Jack,” Y/N mumbled. The boy hesitated, but an angry look from Draco ultimately sent him on his way. 

When Jack was out of sight,  Y/N let go of Draco. “What the fuck was that? You could’ve seriously hurt them!” she yelled. Draco gaped at her, absolutely shocked. “They were hurting you! I was only giving them what they deserved, those arseholes. How dare they call you such things; who do they think they are?” he grumbled. 

Y/N sighed softly and rubbed her fingers against her temple. “By doing all that rubbish, you only proved that you’re no better than them. You should’ve just let me handle it,” Y/N retorted, trying to get her friend to understand. But Draco was not having it. “Y/N, you were lying on the floor getting kicked. I had to do something. I couldn’t just watch you get harassed—”

“Well, you know what, Draco? Not too long ago, you were the one harassing me, or did you forget?” Y/N screamed, her eyes welling up with tears. 

Draco paused. He didn’t know what to say; she was right. He only watched as Y/N rubbed her eyes and mumbled, “Fuck,” while she slid to the floor, her back against the wall. “You always treated me like shit Draco. Always... And besides, they were giving me what I deserved. I cheated on someone, and if that isn’t deserving of kicks and harsh words, then I don’t know what is,” she said sadly, her face in her hands. She couldn’t see that Draco was adamantly shaking his head. “Don’t say that; you didn’t deserve any of that bullshit,” he said through gritted teeth.

Y/N’s head shot upwards, and her fists clenched. “That’s rich coming from you. Since when did you become my protector, huh? You hated my guts a month ago, did you not? Why the fuck do you even care, Draco?” she shouted angrily, her eyes boring into Draco’s back since he had turned and begun walking away from her in frustration. But then, suddenly, he spun back around. “Because I like you, okay!? It’s because I like you.” 

A few awkward seconds passed before Draco found the courage to look up from the floor and to Y/N instead. She was staring at him with a look of panic on her face. The dreadful feeling of guilt began to swirl in Draco’s stomach. Nevertheless, he breathed in deeply and started walking over to his friend. She said nothing as he neared her, but when he crouched down beside her, she turned her head away from him. “Y/N...” he started. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I just...I couldn’t stand to see you hurt. I acted on my anger without thinking, and for that, I apologize.” 

Y/N maintained her silence. Draco took a chance and hesitantly put his hand on top of her knee. When she didn’t push him away, he continued to speak. “Y/N, I really like you, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I know that sounds cheesy and probably a bit unbelievable, but I promise you it’s true,” he said while stroking her knee through her corduroy pants. She still didn’t meet his eyes, but Draco was in too deep, and he didn’t know if he’d get another chance to say this. So he inhaled sharply and spoke his thoughts into existence. 

“I think I want to be with you, Y/N.”

For what felt like hours, neither teenager said a word. Draco’s heart was pounding nervously in his chest. He felt like he might cry if she didn’t reply. But then, she turned her head. By the look on her face, Draco knew whatever she had to say wouldn’t be good. Y/N glanced at his eyes momentarily but couldn’t keep the contact. “What is it?” Draco asked gently, trying not to upset her but also wanting her to break her silence. Y/N breathed in deeply and scooted her feet forward, causing her legs to straighten and Draco’s hand to leave her knee. He pulled it close to him, feeling as though he’d been punched. 

“Draco, I..." she started. “I can't. I’m not ready for a relationship, not after Harry. I’m sorry.”

Draco felt his hands begin to shake. This couldn't be happening. “Y/N, please, I promise I—”

“No, no, I can’t do this, Draco. Not right now,” Y/N said firmly as she got to her feet. Draco stammered to find the words that would convince her to stay, but she was already breaking into a run. All he could do was watch as her figure grew smaller and smaller as she traveled down the corridor. Draco considered chasing after the girl he wanted so desperately, but he knew he had to let her go. He closed his eyes, regretting his decisions. When his eyelids reopened, she was gone.

Taglist: @beiahadid @pastelpuffbar @cutie1365 @dracoxmgg @lumlfy @sambucky8 @emilianamason @orangecrayon​ @obsssedwithjustaboutanything​ @hustlinhufflepuff​ @goddessofgames @dracocanslytherin8​ @superbturtlemakerathlete​

[dreamescapeswriting]

A New Life ~ KSJ [Request]

WORD COUNT: 4K 

GENRE: family AU, IDOL AU, nasty parents, siblings, ANGST, happy ending but still angsty

PAIRING: Sibling Jin x Sibling!Reader

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Nasty parents with some triggering subjects, thoughts about not being good enough, told you’re not good enough, mentally abusive parents, car accident, mentions of blood, broken  bones and depressing thoughts, death, twist ending?

If anyone would have told you that you would have been attending your own funeral one day you would have laughed in their face and yet here you were watching yourself being placed into the ground while your family all pretended to mourn your passing. Rain was hammering down above them as your mother turned t cry in your twin-brothers arms, he glanced over at his father who was staring down at the ground as they lowered the coffin into the dirt. You couldn't help but stare at your mother as you watched her faking tears in front of everyone they'd managed to get to attend. You wondered if anyone knew what had really happened that day or if your parents were going along with the same story they had assembled together as you'd laid in your hospital bed. Jin let out a choked sob as he held your mum, the only true family member that you thought could have possibly been upset was him at this moment but there was no way the rest of them would have been. As if they could ever be upset that you were now gone from their lives forever. See, this wasn't some romance story about how you'd managed to overcome a terrible home life and came out stronger at the end of it, no, this was the story of how you died.

Scoffing at your mum you continued to let her yell at you for things that were out of your control while she told you how Jin would have had them finished seconds within being asked. He was coming home so of course, he was being brought up into every conversation she could think of. All morning she'd had you running around after her like you were some kind of maid instead of her daughter. Cleaning the house from top to bottom, making sure that everything was perfect for Jin's arrival. He'd been on tour for the last four months so you'd managed to avoid speaking with your parents unless you came home one night from work and they were still awake. Other than that you did your damn best to stay out of their way not wanting to get caught in the crossfire of them hurling insults about you. It didn't matter what you were doing they would put you in a side by side comparison with your twin brother Jin. The famous k-pop star that had managed to move out, have a successful job and life while you were still living at home. Working three jobs trying to save up enough to leave but your parents would never see that, they only saw what they wanted to see. In their eyes, you could do nothing right whereas Jin could do nothing wrong, it had been this way for years only you were the only one who wasn't blind to it. Jin could hardly see it since he wasn't around much when it happened, when he was around they played it off as some kind of joke so he wouldn't get upset. The two of you had always been close since you were twins but your parents always put you both head to head with one another. Trying to play it off as harmless and healthy family competition when it was nothing of the sorts, it was more like competition to see who was the better child. 

"You expect your brother to stay out in the garage when his room is perfectly capable of being cleaned and stayed in?" Your mother snapped as she looked at you, it was the night before Jin was due to come home and of course, it was being put down to you at the last second to get the house cleaned and ready for him to come back to. Only now that you had finished the household chores she was expecting you to sleep in the garage while Jin had his old room back, which had been converted into your bedroom when he moved out. 

"I just finished cleaning, I put everything-"

"I don't want to hear any excused, my baby boy deserves his room and his room is what he shall get. Move your stuff out. It's only for a couple of days." There was no use in trying to argue with her when you knew she would only move your things out when you weren't looking, only she'd throw everything into the trash instead of moving it out properly. There was no point in this, Jin was only home for three days, it wasn't as if he was attempting to move back in full and he'd ahead called to say he was fine on the sofa. 

"Fine," You grumbled, walking towards the staircase to go and clean everything out of the bedroom as well as change the sheets over so he wouldn't have to sleep on dirty used sheets. Your mum wouldn't want her precious prince sleeping on something someone else had been sleeping in.

"Make sure you get that smelly cat out of there!" She screeched up the stairs as you rolled your eyes, staring down at your peacefully sleeping kitten as you thought about moving her out of the room. 

"Come on bubs," You whispered, picking her up and carrying her into the bathroom where she curled up in a pile of your washing so you could continue cleaning the bedroom up. 

"I told you I was fine on the sofa," Jin laughed as you took him up to the bedroom, carrying the bags he'd bought home with him into your room. 

"Mum said you needed a real room to sleep in, I'll be fine on the sofa." You lied knowing that if you even attempted to sleep on the sofa your mother would throw a fit, you'd be out in the garage on a blow-up air mattress.

"You sure? I know how cramped you can get on them-"

"Exactly why my little boy will be in a comfortable bed. I need him to be well-rested so he doesn't get too sick for work," You mother told him as if she'd been waiting for the perfect time to chime in on your conversation, 

"Tell him you're fine on the sofa," She stared at you, the look on her face was one you knew all too well. "Agree or be prepared," so you nodded, faking a smile as you told Jin it was fine. 

"Me, you and your father are going out to dinner tonight. We're going to make sure we celebrate the end of your tour." Jin glanced in your direction wondering why you hadn't been invited along to the family event but your mother pulled him out of the room before he could ask questions. Your father came in next with a look of disgust on his face, 

"You could have dusted, poor boy is going to catch a cold or something in here." That was the way it always was. No matter how hard you worked or how perfect you had something it was never enough.

"I'll do it while you're out to dinner." You mumbled, pushing past him as he grumbled about you not having manners while your brother was blessed with them. The small jabs were the ones that hurt the most, the ones that were seemingly innocent to everyone around you but hurt you a lot on the inside.

"What are you doing now? Are you still working in that pet store?" Jin looked at you as he seemed generally interested in your life and for the most part he was. Jin had always been the kind and caring, older-than-you-by-five-minutes brother but he didn't notice what went on with the family and if he did he chose to ignore it all.

"Yeah, I work at the pet store on the weekends, then I have the pharmacy on the weekdays and at nights I do some bar work," Jin stared at you confused, he worked more than enough for none of you to work not to mention he'd give his parents access to an account for you to use for funding to move out.

"Why-"

"Jin! You need to shower, the restaurant is quite fancy," Your father told him as he patted your brother on the back, patting your shoulder at the same time only he began to rub harsh circles into your muscle. 

"Why isn't Y/n coming?" Jin asked not noticing the grip your father was giving to you getting tighter the longer you sat there. 

"She's going to work all weekend, she needs her energy. Isn't that right?" Your father stared at you and you knew it was a ploy for you to go along with it so you nodded, 

"Busy, busy bee." You laughed forceable but Jin looked more confused, wanting to ask why you were working three jobs while his parents barely worked one and why you were even still living at home but he was pushed out of the kitchen. 

"We have to catch up later!" He yelled as your father pushed him up the stairs, your mother glaring at you as if daring you to say anything more to him on the job subject. The fact was, you weren't working that weekend. You'd managed to take some time off to get to spend it with your brother, convincing all three of your bosses that you needed the time for family.

Later that night when you thought Jin would be asleep you began taking your sleeping bag and light out to the garage, he'd come back a few hours ago with an intoxicated mother and father who headed straight to bed. Jin and you had decided to have a catch up on the sofa but you managed to avoid all conversations surrounding jobs, focussing most of the conversations around him and his tour of the world. You were always so proud of your brother for doing something he'd dreamt of doing since you were kids, relieving his childhood fantasies of exploring the world whilst getting paid to do so. 

"Where are you going?" You froze in place as you saw the light in the landing turn on and Jin staring at you, he was standing in some RJ pyjamas while watching you, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

"To get something from the garage, go back to bed." You were hoping he was too tired to question it but he stepped down the stairs and walked closer to you. Touching the sleeping bag that was in your hands, 

"With a sleeping bag and a torch? What are you doing?" He chuckled as he thought you might have been sneaking out to go camping for a while but you couldn't think of a single thing to tell him. Not a single rational thing that was. 

"Mum asked me to stay in there, she doesn't want the sofa to get messy or ruined." Jin seemed to wake up more at the mention of your mother and he frowned. 

"Speaking of mum, why are you still living at home? Working three jobs?" He laughed thinking it was your choice to do this but you saw it as him laughing at you, joining in with his parents. 

"Not all of us can be blessed with talents that got us out of the shitty home we live in. I'm working like a dog day and night to get out of this hell-hole." You scoffed at him finally losing your cool with your brother after all these years. It had nothing to do with him but it still hurt to know he was laughing at you. 

"Why? You don't have to work three jobs? I sent you enough money in that account to get you an apartment for a year-paid in advance, with food and everything you would need," You stared at him, mouth hanging open as he told you that you had your own bank account that you'd never even heard about before. 

"What?" Your heart dropped as you realised what your family had been keeping from you, what your mother and father had no doubt spent already while you worked more hours than legally required. 

"I sent mum and dad the details last year, they didn't give it to you?" You dropped the sleeping bag and torch onto the floor, storming up to the bedroom with tears in your eyes. You had no idea if you were going to speak to them or if you were going to confront them, your body was moving faster than your brain could register anything.  

"Y/n! Wait! They're sleeping! You can't just-" You span around and JIn stopped talking, tears were running down your face with anger as you confronted him, 

"I can't just what? Barge in and demand what they've done with my money? I can't just ask them why I'm paying the rent for this entire fucking house while they sit around and do nothing all day?!" You were yelling now, past the point in caring if your parents woke up or if the neighbours heard you but Jin was shushing you, begging you to be quiet. 

"I work like a dog! Day and fucking night and for what?!" You stared at Jin as the door behind you opened, your mother wrapped her body in a dressing gown. 

"What is going on?" She snapped, staring at you waiting for the answer so you turned back to face her. 

"Where's the money that Jin sent for me?" She stared at you confused, shaking her head as she was trying to think of an answer for you, seemingly coming up with nothing as she stumbled over her words. 

"We were saving it for when you were mature enough to handle it," You scoffed at your father's words as he spoke from the bed, not bothering to move out of it to sort the situation out. 

"Mature enough to handle it? In other words, you spent it all and didn't bother to let me see it?" Jin watched in horror as you spoke back to your parents with the attitude you were using, 

"Tell him, tell Jin that I had no idea the account even existed," Your mother turned to look at Jin but he held his hand up, 

"If this is the way you act with them I have no problem seeing why they kept it from you," You stared at him, your mouth hanging open again as he took their side throughout this. 

"Do you hear yourself? Accusing them of spending the money?" He questioned as he looked at your mother, faking tears as your father rushed to her aide,

"Unbelievable. They don't work but I'm expected to work three jobs a week...I'm fucking done, find someone else to use as your scapegoat." You stormed down to your bedroom, pushing the door open as you grabbed random bits of your clothing, food and water you had stored inside of the room. 

"What are you doing?" Jin asked in a panicked voice as he came onto the drive to see you packing up his old car, it was the one he'd learnt to drive in when he was 18 and had been sitting in the garage rusting and breaking for years but it was the only escape you had. 

"Leaving. I want to see if they'll still be able to live in the fancy house without my money," You forced out a fake laugh as you stared up at your b brother, 

"Or is it your turn to bail them out? Have fun," You slammed the boot of the car down and climbed inside, ignoring Jin's pleas for you to wait until the pouring rain stopped but you didn't want to wait. You didn't want to give them a chance to weasel their way out of this squeeze they'd gotten into.

"I am done Jin!" You yelled, tears rolling down your cheeks without them meaning to, he watched you as he saw the pain in your face. All the years of mental abuse you'd taken from your parents finally hitting you in one night, 

"I'm done being the child that went wrong, I am done with them using me for my money. Do you have any idea what it's like to live with them?"

"Of course, I do. I lived here too-"

"No, Jin. You didn't have to put up with constantly being compared to your twin brother, the one that was famous, the one that could do no wrong. The one that everyone adored! But, me? I work three jobs, I study, I do everything around the house including pay the rent and I don't even get a thank you," As you explained it Jin shook his head, not believing for a second that his parents would be the ones doing this to you there had to be some kind of explanation for it all but if he wasn't going to believe you then there was nothing more to be said.

"You're just jealous," You stared at him in silence as the thunder around you clapped loudly, you started the engine and drove off without another word. 

"Y/N! Y/N! The car won't make it!" He screamed running inside to get his own car keys and follow after you, not trusting the car in the slightest. 

Jin panicked when he couldn't see you around in the roads, he'd only left five minutes after you but there was no sight of you anywhere or the bright green car you'd driven away in. 

"Come on," He groaned looking around the roads, it was calm to say it was pouring it down with rain and as he went to turn on one of the crossroads he saw it. The green car you were driving struggling to move as a grey van came rushing towards you, the once quiet roads were now buzzing with yelling, car horns and screeching sounds, as the van driver who hadn't been paying attention suddenly try to swerve to miss you failing miserably. All of a sudden it was as if time picked up, the car rolled over into a ditch and a large banging could be heard, Jin raced over to you. Ignoring people as they told him not to get too close, the acrid smell burnt his nose as he got closer to the car, you were crying out as you waited for someone to come and get to you. The driver-side door was crushed against the floor of the ditch and Jin could tell from one look you'd broken more than one bone on the impact, 

"I'm coming." He mumbled, sliding into the ditch to see you, your eyes were heavy and you choked out a cough, blood falling down your chin as you struggled to stay awake. 

"Hey, I'm right here. I'll get you out," He told you as he yelled out for someone to call an ambulance, you stared at him through your half-lidded eyes, struggling to breathe from the airbag that had burst and the seatbelt that felt as though it was crushing you. 

"Look at me Y/n, look at me." He begged as your eyes began to close you stared back at him, shaking your head as you mumbled something he could barely hear. 

"We're going to get you out, everything will be fine." He whispered as he heard you mumbling something about dying, he took your hand in his as he reached through the smashed passenger window trying to comfort you in any way that he could. Ignoring the instincts inside of him that told him to run from the car, it was leaking all kind of liquids and he knew it could explode at any point but he wasn't going to leave you there.

After pulling you out of the wreck, Jin carried you up and away from the car not wanting to be close to it when it exploded and you coughed out more blood onto the floor beside you. 

"What happened?" A paramedic asked as they laid you on the ground, wrapping you in a neck brace as they began to try and take vital signs from you, your hand was gripping onto Jin's as you stared up at him shaking your head. Your body was growing weaker and weaker by the second and it was harder to breathe now than ever, 

"Don't bring me back," You said breathlessly as you stared up at him, the paramedics stared at you waiting for you to repeat it, 

"What?"

"Don't...Bring me back," You begged with your old brother who looked at you, tears rolling down his face as he began to realise how bad things must have been at home for you to beg for this to happen. The sounds around you began to fade as you laid there, the paramedics still working on your body no matter what you had said to them but you knew your time was coming, you smiled at the thought of getting away from it all and laid there accepting your fate. 

"This was all her fault, if she hadn't decided to run off in a hissy fit none of this would have happened," Your father grumbled as they spoke to a police officer that had come to the door to inform them of everything, they had no idea Jin was standing just off the side of the porch listening in to everything.

"She'd been drinking, we went out to a meal." Your mother lied as she spoke to the policemen, no tears in their eyes as they listened to what had happened to you that night. 

"Our son, Jin, he went to look for her is he..." Your father trailed off wanting confirmation that Jin was okay but the officer shook his head, 

"I was just told to inform you about your daughter, we'll inform you if anything else comes up." The officer left but the front door was left open as your parents spoke with one another, your mother crying out as she gripped onto your father's shirt. 

"If he's gone too we will lose everything, Jin is our last option for the house." Your mother whimpered as Jin stood there in horror, at a time like this all they could think about was the house? 

He waited for them to shut the door before heading to the hospital to see you laying there, hooked up to different machines and covered in casts. You'd broken your arm and leg as well as your right rib, losing a lot of blood but the doctors told Jin you were going to be fine. He sat down in the chair beside your bed and held your hand that wasn't in a cast, 

"I promise to get you out of here." He whispered, kissing the top of your hand as he got up once again to find someone to speak about moving your room and finding another person to guard your room wanting to protect you from anything he could. 

Jin walked into a hotel bar after the funereal with tear stains down his face as he looked around, wiping his eyes he walked over to some of the bar stools and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, the funeral was over. The old you had died and this was your chance for a fresh start in life. Your parents thought you were gone and that was the least you could do for them, if you had just run away things would have been worse. They never would have stopped trying to bring you back and Jin knew that he created accounts for you to use for money, setting you up with a new home and identity far away from your parents and him.

"How was it?" He asked as he slid you a drink, you laughed sipping on the wine, 

"It's weird...Attending my own funeral, never thought I would do it," He laughed softly, kissing your cheek as he smiled at you. 

"I promised to keep you safe...I'll visit whenever I can just try not to get in the papers or...You know, go back home." You nodded in agreement with him, changing your identity had been the easy part of all of this, leaving behind your brother was going to be harder but he told you he had a plan. Slowly taking his parents off his money before no longer funding them, he wanted them to pay for everything they had done to you over the years and he was going to do whatever it could to make up for you being treated that way, even if it wasn't his fault.

Tagline: @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @rjsmochii @taestannie @kneel-begyourpardon @sw33tnight @sweeneyblue1​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @that-anxious-bisexual​ @mwitsmejk​ 

[rogerslovesstark]

No More Love

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader, Sharon x fem!reader [platonic, for now ;)]

Word Count: 2,020

WARNING: ANGST, mean Steve, Sharon being a sweetheart because she is portrayed negatively, I've done it but girls support girls!

“Steve, where are you going?” You ask quietly, scared of his response because it seemed that he was always on the verge of exploding when you spoke to him. You felt like you were walking around eggshells whenever you were around him. 

Ever since he came back from Bolivia, he was constantly angry when he was around you. You noticed something was off when the night he came back, you tried to give him a massage and he jerked himself away from you. That was two months ago, and he was away for almost three months.

You wrote it off as him being tired and annoyed from the almost failed mission. However, as days continued, Steve kept keeping a cold shoulder to you. Avoiding you in the tower, skipping on date nights saying that he had mission reports to file, sleeping in the tower instead of coming home.

It was almost like he didn’t love you anymore.

Steve saw you approaching him in the tower, he also noticed that there was no way of avoiding you without causing a scene. So he just let you come to him, the new trainees in awe of the two superheroes who were supposedly madly in love with one another. 

You beamed at your boyfriend, he had just come back from Bolivia a few days ago and you hadn’t had the chance to speak with him properly, Steve was constantly swarmed in paperwork because of the operation. 

You knew that he was stressed when he didn’t want to have sex after his mission, but you also didn’t want to force it on him. It was odd that you wouldn’t want to have sex after two months away from your girlfriend, only having jerked off while on the trip. You had doubts that Steve remained loyal to you during the mission but you hid them deep in yourself because you didn’t want to doubt the loyalty of Steve.

Steve faked a smile when he saw you walk over to him, just to keep appearances with everyone around them. He hugged you loosely and quickly pulled away, not making many conversations with you and then excusing himself claiming he needed to speak with Fury about something important. 

You stood in the hallway, visibly upset that your lover wouldn’t spend five minutes with you.

You were starved of basic affection from your boyfriend. You didn’t even know what you did wrong.

Steve was on his way out the door when he heard you ask him where he was going. Just hearing you ask him where he was going angered him so much. You were acting like his mother all the time, so needy and annoying. 

“Out Y/n, why? Do you need anything?” He asked trying not to blow a fuse, his temper was so short with you. 

“Can we please talk before you go?” You asked him, you needed validation and affection so badly that you were itching just to have him hold you again. 

Steve huffed and dropped his keys on the side table and walked towards you, sitting on the couch near you, just not touching you. 

“Are you angry at me Steve?” You asked him, desperate for an answer. You just wanted your boyfriend to kiss you the way he used to.

“No, Y/n.” He answered shortly, temper slowly rising, he was getting annoyed by you already and you hadn’t even said more than 20 words to him yet. 

“Are you sure? You can tell me if I did something wrong, it won’t hurt my feelings,” You said reaching to hold his hand, in need of some sort of affection. Even if it was just holding his large hand. 

“Y/n enough, stop acting like a child, okay?” He shouted, pulling his hand away quickly when he realized that you were going to touch him. “Y/n I need to tell you something, don’t interrupt me okay, I don’t love you anymore, I don’t what happens but I just don’t love you anymore,” Steve said, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders.

You sat on the couch stunned, absolutely stunned by what your boyfriend had just said. He didn’t love you anymore? What does that even mean? How do you just stop loving someone? You were processing 10 different emotions at once. The one you felt most was pain, so much pain that you couldn’t even cry because of how much it hurt.

Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth, you just stared at him in shock. You didn’t know what to say, you just sat on the couch, feeling like an outlier in your own home. 

Steve just stared at you, seeing you process what he had just said. He didn’t know how you would take it, but it seemed like you were taking it pretty well. He didn’t say anything else to you, he just grabbed his keys and shut the door behind him. Sam and Bucky were waiting for him at the bar, it was boys night and he was finally free from the leash of your relationship.

+++

You quickly grabbed your things from your side of the closet. You still didn’t feel the urge to cry about this relationship. Maybe because you already knew it was over subconsciously. Why cry over something that you were kind of expecting. 

You left his apartment an hour after Steve had left, with your two suitcases and a large bag filled to the brim in tow, you walked to the tower. It was a far walk, from Brooklyn to Mid-town Manhattan. You received so many strange looks because what kind of crazy person didn’t just call an Uber with all that stuff. 

It took you over an hour to reach the tower. You took the elevator up to your floor, constantly asking FRIDAY for updates of where everyone is inside the tower. Once you reached your floor, you requested FRIDAY to lock your floor to everyone until further notice, ban Steve from entering your floor, and disable people from requesting your location within the tower.

You placed all of your things inside your room, not having enough energy to put any of your things away. You walked over to your bathroom and started the shower, the heat as high as it would go.

You stood under the stream of burning water, you tried to avoid thinking of the situation. You still didn’t feel like crying, just the feeling of being numb and cold. You were probably cold because your insane ass walked from Brooklyn to Manhattan in a thin shirt and jeans. 

You turned the water off and changed into a teeshirt, crawling into your bed and requesting FRIDAY to close the curtains and not to open them until you were out of bed, whenever you awoke the next morning.

You laid in the darkness looking up at the ceiling, torturing yourself with the words Steve had said to you. Constantly replaying them inside your mind, hoping that he was lying, hoping that when you woke up the next morning that he would be laying next to you, holding you to his chest.

As you replayed the words in your head, you finally felt the tears coming on. You sobbed softly thinking of your failed relationship, thinking of what you did wrong. 

You finally fell asleep, cheeks wet from all the tears. Sleeping a dreamless sleep.

+++

Steve was drinking the mead Bucky had on hand, a welcome gift from Thor. They were in some club on the lower west side. Some blonde woman was sitting in his lap, talking about something Steve didn’t even care about. All he wanted to do was to sleep with her and kick her out. 

He didn’t care for anything at the moment, not when she had died at the cost of his stupidity. 

Janet, an inter who Fury had placed on the mission in Bolivia because he believed that she was ready to take on the mission with the supervision of Steve.

The first two weeks of the mission was filled with the sexual tension between the two. It happened after dinner had ended and Steve and Janet were buzzed, Steve had walked her back to her hotel room. She kissed Steve, and they ended up entangled in her sheets, any thoughts of you were completely forgotten by Steve. The night ended with the best sex of Steve’s night.

Once he woke up, he noticed that Janet was laying on his chest naked, and he was also naked. Steve had no regrets, he didn’t feel any remorse that he had cheated on you. So he continued the relationship with Janet, claiming that he didn’t love you anymore, that Janet made him feel something that you never made him feel. 

The night before they were meant to leave, Janet went to the local supermarket to get some wine and cheese for the two, to celebrate their relationship. Only to be shot and killed before she could even make it to the store. 

Steve was devastated that Janet had been killed, he mourned her death so painful. Steve genuinely believed that Janet was the love of his life.

Steve began getting annoyed of the blonde woman in his lap just chattering away, so he kissed her quiet, and took her back to her place, tidy and small. He would expect nothing more from a young woman working in some low-paying field, she had mentioned it but Steve was too caught up in his thoughts about Janet to even care about what she was saying.

As soon as Steve finished, he got up and left. He finally made it to his apartment, expecting you to be in the bedroom, but you weren’t here. Good, it's better that way, you were so unbelievably annoying that he could barely stand to be around you. 

He climbed into his bed, the sheets still smelled like your shampoo. He had to wash the sheets as soon as possible, whenever he found the time. 

+++

You had been in a dark place for the last 3 weeks, you had begged Fury to not place you on any mission, you explained the situation to him, with him being infuriated, almost going to the length of finding Steve and shooting him in the leg. 

You realized that you were in such a depressive state and hadn’t been taking care of yourself. In 3 weeks, you had barely eaten, showered, or spoken to anyone. 

You forced yourself to get up, shower, eat a proper meal, and go for a run. The amount of energy it took to even complete those tasks was so unbelievably exhausting that you only wanted to lay in bed all day and read.

You ended up calling Sharon, asking her to come to see you and hang out to take your mind off the hurt you were going through. You and she were friends, meeting each other during the SHIELD initiative. Sharon was always so kind to you, you could sense her attraction to your boyfriend but then again who would be. Well, ex-boyfriend.

You cried your heart out to Sharon, laying in your bed with her, while she stroked the back of your head trying to soothe you, you ended up asleep in her arms. You woke up to a clean room, and Sharon wasn’t in your bed. She was in your kitchen making something to eat you were guessing. 

“Hey N/n, you need to eat some dinner, I’m making spicy penne al vodka, it’s almost ready,” Sharon said while stirring the pot she was using. You took a seat at the counter, waiting to be served by your friend. You stared out the window, just wondering what Steve was doing right now.

“Y/n, Y/n, Y/n, hello,” Sharon waved her hand in your face. She was confused as to why you kept daydreaming, he left you, you should move on because he was a piece of shit anyways.

“I’m not hungry Shar, I ate earlier, I’ll just eat later,” You said while staring out the window.

[egyptsblackrose]

Dancing with Strangers

This is by far the longest chapter, hopefully I’ve tied all the loose ends and come to a decent conclusion. Stay tuned fro more fics.

Part 1 - https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/648370506842701824/a-rose-by-any-other-name

Part 5 -https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/654891313044635648/dancing-with-strangers-there-will-be-one-more-part

Part 6- The end, enjoy!

It had been eight months since your first meeting with Gojo Satoru and Kakashi Hatake. This had been the longest relationship either men had ever had, both as a three or on their own. It was also painfully clear how absolutely in love both men were with you, and you with them. The change in the three of you was as clear as day, never had anyone seen each of you so happy - is what you constantly heard from everyone you knew, and when you ran into a friend or relative of theirs… with a few exceptions.

The truth had come out about a month in that Gojo was the one with all the money. A ‘representative of his household’ had come to the apartment to visit and go over ‘matters concerning the family’. Satoru had been so laid back through the whole thing, smirking mockingly at the clearly uncomfortable (stuck up) old butler. He’d grabbed your waist as you were walking towards the door to leave, pulling you down and into his lap. It became clear that he wanted to mess with the man opposite him, even Kakashi seemed in on it because he kissed you sweetly as he walked passed.

Gojo wasn’t able to hide his bitterness when the man finally left though, burying his head into your neck and hugging you tightly. His father had been a politician and his mother a CEO of a successful company, he still had connections because of them and shares that were doing incredibly well. Not to mention their life insurance had been enough to set anyone for life.

“It’s not like I was close to them to begin with.” He’d muttered in a bored manner when you’d teared up at the mention of a Satoru toddler being left alone, surrounded by people who wanted to use him for money, power and influence. The butler was a man hired by his fathers old political party and the other share holders at his mothers company. They apparently weren’t best pleased with him settling for being a small time policeman, had hoped to mould him into their puppet to keep both their money making schemes going.

To cheer the three of you up, Gojo had taken the three of you on a spontaneous trip to an Onsen that one of his friends owns, up in the middle of no where. The beautiful, traditional building with modern interior was nestled on the side of a frigging mountain that could only be reached through a thick, ancient forest.

You were the only three guests, and the workers were even excused for the evening, so it felt like you were the only three in the world with the next person been miles away. Which you were insanely grateful for. Because Kakashi and Gojo had made it a completion between them on who could make you scream the loudest.

Three months later, Kakashi had appeared out of no where behind you while you were cooking dinner, wrapping his arms round you gently and kissing your neck soothingly. “Would you join me for a day out tomorrow?”

“Of course I will,” You giggled, shivering as his lips ghosted over the marks on your neck and shoulders, drawing invisible lines like he was drawing constellations. “Where are we going?”

Hatake was silent for a moment before he squeezed you tighter. “I’m going to introduce you to my father.”

To say you were nervous was an understatement, you had agonised over the right outfit for hours the night before, asking both Miku and Sakura for their help. You should have known better, they had spent the majority of the time gushing over your boyfriends and how serious it was getting between you. After all, no one had ever heard of the two most wanted bachelors introducing their conquests to their family and friends, or even going on trips with their lovers, let alone keeping their interest this long.

Finally settling on one of your favourite outfits; something simple, comfortable and trendy, you kept your make-up light and as natural as possible and called yourself ready. Meeting at their apartment, you were surprised to see Kakashi in his policeman formal uniform. God the man looked dashing. Wearing white gloves, black dress shoes, a smart navy suit, light blue tie, hat tucked under his arm and a smirk on his handsome face.

“Enjoying the view baby?” He teased.

You nodded dumbly, bitting your lip to try hide your smirk. “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more handsome, you have to go devastate my heart like that.”

“Maybe me and Sato should wear these tonight then.” The suggestion had your thighs clenching, suddenly it was hard to swallow. Hatake chuckled lazily having seen your reaction. “Later baby girl, for now, we have somewhere to go.”

The cemetery was the LAST place you were expecting this day to take you. Kakashi stopped at his fathers tome stone and saluted. It was at least two decades since his fathers death. Kakashi Sakumo, Hatake’s father, had been a respected police detective, and his whole inspirational drive to become a policeman. When Hatake was young, his father had led a team in a drug bust against some of the biggest names in the Yakuza, but had chosen to save his men’s lives rather than capture the villains when things had gone wrong.

The ‘failure’ was a black mark against his name, and soon his was shunned by the media, his fellow detectives and the whole police force. The abuse became so bad, that he took his own life. From then on, Hatake had lived and grown up with Gojo who he was already inseparable with.

“For the longest time…I blamed him too.” Kakashi admitted quietly, holding onto your hand like a life line. “He had a duty to take those dangerous men off the streets, to make the city a safer place for the public, for kids who were in danger of either being hooked onto drugs or joining gangs. Instead he chose to save the lives of his team.” You were silent, what could you possibly say to ease his pain? “But now…” Hatake raised his head with a proud smile. “My views have changed. He didn’t want to chase glory, he just wanted to do the right thing and save lives. In that moment, they needed him, he saw that and did his best. He was willing to die for his men, he didn’t want to see all those family’s mourning for lives he could have spared. I can only hope that one day, I will be as brave as him.”

You are not ashamed to say you cried, standing there looking at the grave of the man who had made Hatake into the man he was. Into the man you loved. You bowed deeply and gave your thanks, promising out loud to take care of his son for as long as you were allowed. Kakashi’s own eyes watered at this as he pulled you close. You don’t know how long you stood there holding each other for, but it didn’t feel like long enough. Part of you thought it would never be enough when it came to the two amazing men who looked at you like you were their whole world.

After the visit, Kakashi had taken you to the old, more traditional part of town so you could go to his favourite restaurant. The two of you were the first to arrive and the last to leave, laughing so much to the point where you were both in tears. It was so light and care free, and you could see the weight just lift off of Hatake’s shoulders.

And when you both finally made it back to their apartment, Gojo was sat on the sofa waiting. Smirking. Also in uniform. That night, not one of you slept.

With your hands locked together in cuffs and blindfold around your eyes, you shook like a leaf in the wind as Kakashi took you from behind, Gojo at your front. If it had been anyone else trying to blindfold you and tie you up, you would have absolutely said no. As it was, Kakashi loved seeing you so vulnerable. So much so that he had stretched your arse as he’d enthusiastically eaten you out, and was now taking advantage of his VERY thorough prep work. He held a vibrator to your clit as he fucked your arse, Gojo keeping your mouth open and busy as he kissed you hungrily so they could hear your moans, squeezing and playing with your tits as he took your front just as roughly.

Not only did you squirt first time, your pretty sure you blacked out for a second. Not that the boys were deterred, they knew you’d tell them if it became too much. Besides, the sounds you were making; the moans, the wet squelching from how wet you were, it was the best yet. You couldn’t walk the next day though and had to ask Miku to record your lecture.

By the fifth month, Gojo and Kakashi had broached the idea of you moving in with them. It was a casual comment made in light conversation one Sunday morning, when they FIRST brought it up. Then it was Kakashi suggesting you keep more of your things with them, mostly because you would ask them to take you back to your apartment with the girls so you could get ready for the day, meaning you would leave earlier than they would like. Eventually Gojo decided they were being too subtle and would cling to you in the mornings, begging you to not leave and to stay with them.

“You guys remember that I’m living with two roommates already right? I can’t just up and leave them like that, they won’t be able to afford rent!”

“But beautifu~l! We want you here with us!”

“What our idiot means to say baby-”

“Hey!”

“Is that, you already spend so much time here, and we love having you with us. Our apartment is even closer to your Uni building! It makes sense surely, for you to move in with us. Or for us even to find a place together-”

“Wow, ok slow down there!” You butt in quickly, cheeks turning pink. Finally the boys had had enough of dancing around the subject and had sat you down to talk about it properly. Talking about moving into their lush apartment was one thing, but talking about a place together, was something else entirely!

Gojo pouted at you in annoyance. “What, you don’t want to live with us?”

“I’m not saying that!” You defended instantly, frowning at him. “I’m saying it’s a BIG step, and I get that you guys feel ready for it, but I don’t ok? For one, five months isn’t that much time dating someone, second, I don’t even have a job yet! And don’t tell me money isn’t an issue and I don’t have to pay rent cause God help me Satoru, I will get up and leave right now.” You threatened.

“Ok you two, lets take a deep breath and talk about this calmly ok?” Hatake soothed, squeezing both your hands. “Baby, if you don’t feel ready then that’s fine, we will not force you. But please know that when you ARE ready, we WANT you here. Ok?” Nodding in understanding, you started to relax. Gojo huffed and crossed his arms, but nodded in agreement. “And about you looking for a job and paying rent. We are not trying to baby you or the like, we just want to take care of you. We know you can take care of yourself but that wont stop us from WANTING to take care of you because you are YOURS. Understand? We love and cherish you, and if we can help you, we want to. If it was us in a difficult situation and you could help us, you would, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course, in a heartbeat.” You muttered with a slight pout.

Kakashi beamed. “It’s the same in our eyes.” And that had been the end of that…for the time being that is.

Just short of the six month mark, you had agreed to go out again with the girls for a night out. Kakashi and Gojo had encouraged you to go, promising that when they were done with their shift, they would come pick you up. They had even bought you a gift voucher for your birthday to buy a new outfit. You had been sure to send the boys a flattering pic of yourself all dolled up before you had left for the night, receiving such thirsty replies that no one would guess that you had spent the night before with them.

The night had been going perfectly, once again you were the most sober of the group, which you were now used to. You had a nice buzz going, there had already been so many laughs and the girls were excitedly giggling about the stories you shared on your boyfriends. (Of course the intimate, personal things you kept to yourself.) You had been to a few bars and your group agreed to end the night at the club you had met your boys in, ‘The Ninja Shrine’. Texting the two policemen still on shift, you let them know that you and your friends had arrived safely, were going to order your drinks and you would be eagerly waiting for them for a dance.

Gojo replied with multiple winky, smirky, and red with sweat drop faces. Kakashi was the only one to give you a verbal reply, promising to be there as soon as they could, and ‘ordering’ you to behave until they arrived. It made you smile, biting your lip. ‘No promises’ was your reply with a winky face, locking your phone and ignoring the bings that followed, knowing that would rile them up more than a reply.

Despite the clear teasing, you stayed against the bar, talking and laughing with your friends as you sipped at your drink. The girls did try convince you to dance with them at one point, but you were waiting a certain pair to join you. After all, dancing with the girls was fun, but it was even better when you had certain pairs of eyes on your body.

“Oh shit,” Miku cursed, suddenly grabbing your arm and turning you away from the door.

“What the hell-?”

“Don’t turn around!” Miku earned, holding onto your shoulders. “One of your boys’s old flings is here, and trust me you don’t want anything to do with her.” Looking subtly out of the corner of your eyes, you saw a pretty strawberry blonde with soft brown eyes and a confident smirk. You could clearly see her figure through her flashy outfit, her expensive designer shoes and handbag on show like she was on the Paris run way. “She was with them for four months, her names Claire Aoki, and she’s a psycho if you ask me.” Miku continued carefully.

Before you could react, the door opened once more and in came your two boyfriends, looking like sex on legs. Gojo wore a flashy designer get up with black jeans and dress shoes, a blue shirt and a leather jacket that you knew for a fact cost more than your joint rent with the girls. Kakashi was also in black dress shoes, black dress pants, a dark grey shirt and a lighter grey silk vest. Their eyes landed on you immediately and began smiling. You smiled back, beaming when they started heading your way.

They hadn’t made it two steps before they were stopped by Claire, her red manicured-nailed hands resting on their chests as she leaned in towards them, pressing her chest into their arms. Kakashi looked panicked, eyes widening as his eyes darted up towards you, then down to her and back. Gojo’s smile shrunk, it was still there, but it looked much more forced now as his blue eyes narrowed at the other woman.

Curious, and not worried at all, you leaned back against the bar. You turned to make yourself look as relaxed as possible, replicating the same look you had the night they had pulled you away from your friends to charm the pants off of you. Your head tilted and your smile grew as their eyes kept on drifting to you. Whatever Claire was saying clearly wasn’t keeping their attention.

Your smile turned to a smirk as Beast by Mia Martina started playing, slowly pushing off the bar as you headed to the dance floor, your friends following. Closing your eyes, you let the music take you away, body rolls moving slow, deliberate. You caught their eyes by dancing for yourself, but now you knew their weaknesses, the parts of you that they loved to tease and squeeze, you knew their bodies like you knew your own. And you fully intended to use that to your advantage.

“Keep your eyes on me,” You sang, looking both men dead in the eyes, smirking as their gazes struggled to meet yours, roaming your form hungrily like they hadn’t seen you in months. “Come here right now,” You continued, your hands reaching out to them, beckoning them to you. “Cause when the sun goes down the beast comes out,” Dropping to the floor, you straightened your legs so you were bent in half, slowly coming up and curving your back as you flipped your hair back gracefully.

“Take you down, down can you keep it up all night,” Smirking, you spun slowly as you exaggerated your hip swaying, making sure they got an eye full of your behind. “You all over my skin, I’m anxious, paint my body boy’s I’ll be your canvas.” Your head snapped back, showcasing all their bruises that they left from the night before.

Next thing you knew, two sets of hands were gripping you tight, one set on your hips and another on your upper thighs. “Da~nm Beautiful!” Gojo growled lowly into your ear, your grin stretching as you giggled, Kakashi ducking his head to bite your neck. “First you ignore us, then you go and put on a show like that for anyone to see. What are you trying to do, hu? You just want us to bend you over our knees don’t you?”

“Maybe I do,” You teased. “Or maybe I’m trying to prove a point to someone who was getting too handsy with what wasn’t theirs.”

“Oh? Someone was getting jealous? As sexy as you are ‘staking your claim’, doesn’t change the fact that your going to get your punishment when we get home, beautifu~l!” Satoru teased, his hand dragging up your body till his hand was at your neck, then he squeezed.

Kakashi let out a ragged breath at your moan. “I think we should get out of here.” Pressing himself harder into you, you could feel his impatience clearly through his pants.

You dared to look around you, eyes meeting with soft brown eyes glaring daggers at you with so much hatred. You would have been scared six months ago, you would have shrunk and shied away. But how could you now when Gojo and Kakashi were stood with you, hands all over you, demanding your love and attention, making you feel so treasured and powerful.

“Kiss me first.” You demanded. Satoru didn’t even hesitate for a second, pulling you into a searing kiss full of passion and desire. You faintly heard Miku and your friends cat call and wolf whistle somewhere near the bar, causing Gojo to pull away and chuckle. The opening was all Kakashi needed. His kiss was equally breathtaking, his movements slower and more controlled, but clearly as desperate to lay claim.

When Hatake pulled away, Gojo effortlessly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, smacking your arse when you struggled. So you smacked his right back. Again, you couldn’t walk the next day.

By the end of the eight first months, you had finally landed a job interview and was offered the job on the spot, starting small but promised promotions if your work was up to standard. Around the same time your lease on the shared apartment with your friends was up, and you had finally given into your boyfriends hints and agreed to look for a place you could all afford together. What’s more, your graduation was less than a month away. Things were finally falling into place.

You had yet to broach the subject of your relationship status with your parents, though you were pretty sure they had figured out that you were at least dating someone by this point. Admitting that you hadn’t mentioned anything to your parents, you were nervous how the boys would react. But they had simply shrugged, nodded in understanding and reminding you that if you needed their help they were here for you.

Most importantly, you had a job you were doing well in, you were moving into a beautiful home, your friends were happy and doing well in their own fields, and you had two men who loved you unconditionally. You were sure everything was going to work out just right. And with Gojo and Satoru by your side, you could over come anything.

[shadyteacup]

Hey can i have a request where Fyodor, dazai, and Chuuya comfort the reader after their dog dies? My 14 year old dog is being put down on Thursday and i am NOT okay

Hey, there.. I'm so sorry.. I know that this is really hard and painful, but I need you to be strong, okay? All my love to you♡

I'm done with Dazai and Chuuya, decided to post then first.. I will post the Fyodor req very soon..

Stay Strong, My Love

Dazai

Dazai had rushed home the moment he had received your text. He was worried about you, and also immensely sad. He hadn't expected this to happen. He found you lying on the couch, hugging a pillow. He noticed the tiny shakes of of your form, a result of crying.

He approached you slowly, and gently weaved his hand through you locks.

"Hey, honey.", he said, kissing your head.

You stiffened at his voice, not having noticed him come in.

"Osamu?", you whispered.

"Yes, love. It's me."

You turned to face him; your eyes were red and your face showed signs of exhaustion.

He wiped your tears with the pad of his thumb and gave you a warm, reassuring smile.

"Come, let's take care of you."

He picked you up, and took you to the bed, placing you on the edge while he created a soft wall of pillows for you to rest your back on. The position you were in on the couch when he found you must have hurt your back and neck. What you needed right now was a soft yet firm backrest. After placing the pillows, he helped you scoot over and rest your back. He rushed to the kitchen to fetch you a glass of water.

"Drink up."

He had stopped to buy your favourite ice-cream on the way home. He wanted to help you feel better.

"Look what I got!"

You smile at the tub of your favorite ice-cream in his hands.

"Thanks."

You both ate in silence. A lot was going on in your head, and Dazai knew that those thoughts and memories only made you sadder. But death was a natural process. It was unavoidable. One must embrace it, and in a way, celebrate it. For death signifies freedom. In many cultures, death is termed as the beginning, and not the end. The soul is believed to move on, and attain peace. He believes in this, too. As someone who has wanted to die for a long time until now, he has always found his body to be tiresome burden. Death would release him from his physical shackles, and he envies anyone who has attained that level of peace.

Death shouldn't be feared or considered as a sad occurrence. A person who has lost someone close to them, must come to terms with it. They must accept it and move on in life. And to do so, one must mourn. Mourning helps us to experience all of feelings and emotions, and allows our mind to feel free and clear afterwards. It's like the feeling of satisfaction one gets after screaming their fears from the top of a cliff, or writing a diary. One must mourn properly to release all their pent up sadness and feelings.

So, even though Dazai knew that your thoughts would only make you feel sad, he wouldn't try to distract you from them. You need to experience the pain, to emerge as an even stronger individual.

"I feel like crying again.. I just.. miss...so much... it pains..."

You whispered, eyes tearing up again, and voice breaking.

He hugged you, and rocked you as you cried, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"I know, love.. It will pain, but you must stay strong, okay?"

When you had calmed down a little, you both talked about the many memories you had made. You both laughed over the little things. You both knew whom to blame when snacks would go missing from the table, or when slippers couldn't be found. You both fought over which of you was the most loved. You won, ofcourse.

Remembering all those memories made you smile, and appreciate the time you had spent together. The 14 years you had with each other were well spent, and you wouldn't trade those years for anything in this world.

Chuuya

Chuuya couldn't believe his eyes when he read, then re-read your message. He felt immensely sad, and worried. He knew how much you loved your dog, hell, he hadn't even spent a long time with him/her, but he was still emotionally attached.

He tries to hold in his tears, and decided to rush home.

You opened the door to find your redheaded boyfriend at the door. He noticed your red eyes and the dark circles under them. You must have completely neglected yourself these past couple of hours. He knew you get when you feel sad. You don't take care of yourself at all.

"Chuuya..."

You say, hugging him tightly. He hugged you back, his strong arms caging you in. His eyes started tearing up. Your body shook with your sobs as you held onto him. You both stayed at the door like that until your sobs had reduced to soft sniffs.

Chuuya reached inside to grab the keys and your coat.

He pulled you out, helping you into your boots.

"Where are we going?", you asked.

He led you to his car, a hand on the small of your back. Opening the passenger side door for you, he helped you climb in.

Seating himself on the driver's seat, he pressed the ignition button, and the car roared to life.

You loved his collection of luxury cars, but also knew how much he loved his bike.

"You didn't use the bike today?"

"No. I needed to carry something with me today."

He smiled at you, before leaning back to grab something from the back seat.

Handing you a box, he asked you to open it.

It contained pictures of you and your dog. You were smiling in those pictures. You could spot Chuuya in quite a few o them too. All three of you looked so happy. Most of the pictures were from trips that you three had been on. You three loved adventures, and often found yourselves on mountain tops, hills, scenic valleys and grasslands.

You tried to hold in your sobs, and smiled at the fond memories.

"I'm taking you to these places."

You looked at him, wide eyed.

"I don't think I can take it.. I can't go there now.. not without..."

Chuuya held your hand in his, and kissed your knuckles.

"I don't want you to associate these memories with sadness. I want you to remember these places, these pictures, and think of happiness. Let's create more memories. Happy memories. That way, whenever you think about your dog, you'll remember these places, and your heart will be filled with warm memories of mirth and laughter."

It was difficult to do what he said, since making more memories without your dog didn't feel right. But you understood why he asked you to do this. This would help you to move on, without forgetting the amazing times you spent together. Many times our brains tend to blur the times of sadness to help us stay happy. This results in the person grfually forgetting they ever had any sad times. The only fault in this system was that one tended to forget everything related to that sadness. And you didn't want to forget your best friend of 14 years. So you had to create more memories, memories that would help you hold onto the sad times, and cherish your bond.

You both spent the rest of day laughing and smiling, remembering your lost friend, and cherishing all the amazing times you three had spent.

[mintmatcha]

10 Months

Matsukawa and Hanamaki

Part One

CW: mentions of death and illness, ANGST

Today’s just another day at work. Someone’s dead and someone else is talking about it. 

The worst part of the job, Mattsun decides, isn’t consoling the grieving or dealing with the aftermath of death: it’s listening to these shitty, repetitive speeches. There’s only so many times a man can hear about God’s plan and how much better someone is now that they’ve entered the great beyond before he goes numb. Sure, yes, logically, he understands this is all sad, but before all else?

 It’s boring.

Has he always been this bitter? Has he always been this good at choking down his feelings? Probably.

Mattsun looks away from the speaker at the front of the room, who's droning on about some shit while practically draped over the coffin. He does a precursory scan across the room, making sure everyone was properly teary eyed and mourning, before pulling out his phone. Maybe it’s unprofessional, but it doesn’t matter. No one’s looking at the funeral director during these things. If they were, it was something for them to discuss later during the reception.

'Did you see that employee?' 

'No, I was crying.'

'He was on his phone!'

'How horrible!'

Just before he can open Twitter, a glimpse of unforgettable, bright strawberry blonde hair catches his eye. For a moment, he ignores it off. He’s used to imagining things, used to his brain searching for hints of pink wherever he goes. He's used to turning his head to see it was a trick of the eye.

But this time the color doesn’t fade. Instead, it comes into focus, catching the light that pours through the stained glass windows, rainbows painted across pale skin. All at once, the presence becomes real, and Mattsun feels like he’s seen a ghost.

Not a literal one, but, fuck, he might as well be.

It’s been years since he’s seen Makki, longer since they actually talked, but there he was, standing at the back of the parlor with an obituary in hand. He loathes himself for the way excitement bubbles inside him and his heart gets caught in his throat… and then immediately drops as he processes why Makki would be here. He tries to remember the last name of the deceased, hoping the last name wouldn’t be familiar. Makki’s dad was never in good health, could it be-

No, he definitely would have recognized anyone else with the last name Hanamaki.

That’s when it hits him that Makki isn’t dressed for the funeral. In a sea of black, he’s wearing some raggedy sweatshirt with coffee split down the sleeve and a loose pair of jeans, ripped in all the wrong places. Frankly, he looks like shit, but he’s just leaning against the door frame, standing there like he belongs, with a tiny little grin on his face. 

Makki never looks over, too involved in the speech, but he’s aware of Mattsun’s presence. His torso is angled to face his old friend, chest broad and inviting. Mattsun hates that after all these years, he can still read his body language and understand what it means. It’s an invitation to come over.

Mattsun has to stop himself from going over there. Time has passed, he’s made his choices. He can’t just drop his work for an old friend.

No, not a friend. Stranger adjacent. 

He’s made his choices. 

He stays where he should be, in the corner, for what feels like hours, autopiloting through the rest of the service. By the time it’s all over, and the lights are dimmed, Makki’s already gone.

Mattsun hates that he knows exactly where to find him.

.

.

They find each other behind the parlor, wedged between the building and the dumpster. Makki’s sitting on the curb, legs folded up under him and pressed into his chest. That signature smile hasn’t faded, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. He pats the empty space next to him, but Mattsun just shakes his head and stays standing. 

“Just like high school, huh?” Makki says, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pouch. He taps the bottom four times,  then shakes it, hard. Waking up the cancer, making sure it’s out of bed, he used to joke. 

“Except we aren’t hiding from teachers anymore.” Mattsun kicks at a crumpled soda can and watches it bounce across the asphalt. “And you’ve changed brands.”

“Now we’re hiding from your boss.” Makki pulls a stick out and waves it, “And Iwaizumi’s not here to bitch about it.”

“Dude,” Mattsun tries not to sigh, but it sneaks out. The casual act was unsettling; Makki was pretending that past 3 years never happened. “I’m happy to see you and all, but I’m working right now.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Makki pats his pockets frantically, then pulls out a small pink lighter. It's not the same pink as his hair, but it's close. He brushes it against his pants, back then forward, opening it and lighting it in one smooth motion. He holds out the cigarette, twirling it between his fingers, “Help me light this, why don’t you?”

Mattsun blanches, scoffing in annoyance at the thought. There's the flash of a memory, Hiro's fingers against his lips, holding the cigarettes for him as he breathes in, skinned knees brushing against each other, but he pushes it down.

 “Hanamaki, I-”

“I’ve been demoted to just Hanamaki, huh?” he places it between his teeth and sets it alight, sucking in until the end glows orange. He holds still, savoring the moment, then lets out his breath, smoke seeping out through his teeth. “So, it turns out that I need to plan a funeral.”

Mattsun lets his apathy break, just for a moment. He runs his hands through his hair, completely fucking up the slicked back style as he processes this.  “Fuck, dude, I’m sorry.”

“Eh, don’t be.” Makki shrugs, “Not the end of the world.”

Mattsun blinks, trying to shake off the initial shock. He just lets his work persona take over. “Well, we would be happy to help you plan. We can scheduling for next week in my office, if you want-”

“There’s no rush, don’t worry.” Makki leans back and faces the sun. Even though he’s sitting on the ground, no more than 5 feet from garbage, he seems so peaceful. 

“Who’s it for?” Mattsun asks the obvious question and Makki grins wider, like he’s been waiting for this moment. He waggles his fingers in the air, like he’s celebrating.

“Me.” Makki says. He rolls his head forward and that pleasant air about him fades. It strikes Mattsun that he’s lost weight since high school; his already sharp features are more sullen, sunken into his face. “I’m dying.”

How hadn’t he noticed earlier? He spent so much time looking at Hiro in high school, so much time studying his features…. How could he miss such a dramatic change? Even now, he can remember exactly how the curve his cheek felt under his thumb, how smooth his skin was. Mattsun doesn’t realize he’s sitting until loose gravel bites into the palms of his hands.

“Fuck, dude.” he can only look straight ahead, focusing on nothing, “Are--- are you sure?”

“As sure as medical science can get,” he has the audacity to laugh, “I got brain cancer.”

Brain cancer. Mattsun knows what that means in a vague sense and yet it means almost nothing to him. Questions bubble up in his mind, all of them swimming around, begging for any sort of information to make this all make sense. 

"How long?" He wanted to ask anything else, but that’s the only sentence he could form.

" 'bout 7 inches.” Makki pauses for affect, “Oh, you meant how long do I have left to live?" he's grinning wildly at his own joke, waiting for Mattsun to react. When he doesn't he just takes another drag of his cigarette, smile never fading. "I thought it was funny.”

"It was a little funny." Mattsun relents, gesturing for the butt. It's passed with brushing fingers, knuckle against knuckle. It's been years since he's smoked- since third year of high school- but each pull still burns all the same. "How long?"

"Well, two months ago they told me I had years," he says, like it's nothing, "But the doc did a rescan and it's way worse than they thought.” He taps his temple,  “Apparently, three lil fuckers in there."

"How long?" Mattsun can’t stop repeating himself.

"10 months." he wobbles his hand side to side, “Give or take.”

Mattsun takes another drag, harder this time. It’s unfair that he’s this upset about it, that this isn’t just another funeral to him.

“Whoa, don’t hog the whole thing!” Makki grabs for his cigarette, opening and closing his hand like a small child, “You’ll get cancer from these, you know? ”

Mattsun doesn’t laugh. He just watches the ember fall on to his slacks. They flare of a quick moment before dying, leaving  little discolored burns in their wake.

“Both of us can’t get cancer- it’d be like wearing the same dress to a party. So embarrassing.” he finally just snatches it out of Mattsun’s hand, “So, are you going to help me?”

“H-help you.” he repeats back. Nothing that’s happening right now feels real.

“With my funeral. Duh.”

“You want me to plan your service?” Mattsun asks.

“Well, us. Not just you. Duh.”

Duh. 

“Why?” Mattsun breaths and yet he feels like he’s suffocating, “Why me? After everything I did-”

“I don’t want my dad to worry about it.” Makki kisses his teeth and pulls himself into a ball,  “He almost had a heart attack trying to figure out my mom’s and I …. I just don’t want him to worry.” Makki breathes out through his nose- it’s how he dispels negativity in his life, just like how he did in high school. “Besides, if I plan it, it doesn’t have to be some fucking boring ass pity party. We can make it fun. A fun-eral.”

These all just seem like words. There’s meaning behind them, sure, but they don’t seem to mean anything when they’re strung together like this. Mattsun wonders if this is shock, or some weird form of it. He’s seen it before, in the eyes of family’s blindly choosing and planning. He always thought they dumb, not knowing how to react, not knowing if they should be sad or angry or …. Something. 

But he gets it now. The news doesn’t always sink in.

“I don’t know what to say,” he admits after a long moment, “I don’t… I don’t think I’m processing this.”

Makki pushes off of the curb and stands, brushing off dust from his pants. “I get it. It’s a lot to hear.” he flashes a peace sign over his shoulder as he starts down the alley, “Think about it and get back to me.” A thin puff of smoke curls into the air, “My number’s the same as it always was.”

Mattsun sits there, hidden between the dumpster and his work, and tries to process as he watches Makki walk out of his life once again.

[comfortwriting]

When You’re Gone - F.W

Fred Weasley (and George) x fem reader, inspired by the song ‘When You’re Gone’ by Avril Lavigne.

A/N: If any of you are struggling with loss, grief or need someone to talk to, my inbox is open and I’ve re-blogged support hotline numbers.

About: The reader is mourning the death of her boyfriend, Fred Weasley. She’s struggling to move on, finding herself lost in both the past and present. Unfortunately, she loses her grips on reality and George has to put on the mask and pretend to be Fred.

Warnings: Grief, sadness, death, depression, flashbacks, some fluff here and there, deterioration of mental and physical health, mention of hospice care towards the end.

Three months ago your long term boyfriend, the man you planned to marry, was killed in an explosion during the battle of Hogwarts. His death changed your life forever.

You found it hard leaving the bed, eating and showering. At first you tried to accept that he was gone but no matter what it got harder to do so, you just wanted to hide away, fall asleep forever to wake up again one day with him next to you.

I always needed time on my own I never thought I'd Need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie Is made up on your side

“Come on Y/N, you should write back to them, they want to know how you are.” Your mother said softly, trying to encourage you.

Ever since Fred’s death, the Weasley's wrote to you every week when they had time, you couldn’t bring yourself to reading whatever they wrote, let alone reply. You didn’t want to hear from them or see them, the guilt you felt for their sons death was eating you up inside - you didn’t want to lie to them about your state either. 

“Maybe another time mum” you replied, staring at Fred’s side of the bed. 

Your mother sat next to you and placed a hand against your tear stained cheek “He isn’t coming back, you can’t just leave everything how it is.”

You sighed and stood up walking over to the window “I’ll send them a Christmas card and apologise for not being able to protect their son.”

“It’s August, Y/N”

“Right.”

“And it wasn’t your fault!” Your mother cried.

Slowly but surely, you were losing track of time, of what was and wasn’t real, you found yourself over the next year getting more confused and plummeting even more into denial - your parents believed you didn’t want to move on - but you couldn’t to no fault of your own, you didn’t have a choice.

Your stress and grief shaped your brain and changed it, changing your reality and everything around you to create a world in which Fred would be coming home.

When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now?

“Fred you can’t be serious” You sighed, rubbing your temple.

“Harry is like family to me, to us. He needs me there and I’m not going to allow.. WE need him gone to be able to have the life we want together, Y/N.” Fred argued back, pacing around the much brighter and cleaner bedroom.

“How am I going to protect you? I am in no state to be entering a war when I’m already so badly injured. If something goes wrong out there when I’m not with you...”

Fred walked over to you and placed a finger on your lips, shushing you. “Nothing is going to happen to me, my love.” he reassured you.

You shook your head “We don’t know that, please Fred, stay.”

Fred frowned and walked away from you “you know I can’t.”

When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missin' you When you're gone The face I came to know is missin', too When you're gone The words I need to hear To always get me through the day And make it okay I miss you

“Fred” you whispered, sitting in the shower, the water storming down upon you. “Please come back soon, I know you can and I hope you will.”

Your mother rubbed the bar of soap on your back before rinsing it with the water “I know we argued last night but I trust you, I know you’ll make it out alive.” you whispered again.

Your mother stopped washing you for a moment, taking in everything you had been saying, finally understand that something had gone wrong and your frame of mind wasn’t the same as it used to be. She knew deep in her heart you weren’t calling out for his spirit, she knew that you truly believed that he had just gone to Hogwarts - you were reliving the same period of time over and over, from the moment Fred left up until you would panic, running to the windows and asking members of the public if they had seen him.

Fifteen months on you were sitting at the table in the kitchen with your parents, you felt nervous at Fred’s silence.

“It’s a shame he can’t use a muggle phone” you muttered to your dad, taking a sip of your tea “I’d be able to hear his voice if he did.”

You started to bite at your nails whilst your legs couldn’t stop shaking “I bet his owls bloody snuffed it” you muttered again “he’s not replied to any of my letters, he must not be receiving them.”

Your parents exchanged a worried glance and sighed, your mental state crumpling even further. Recently, you were caught writing to Fred over and over again, asking how Harry was, how the war was going and if he’s okay, telling him you loved him. Your parents would tell you they would send the letters, but didn’t - Fred was dead and wouldn’t be coming back.

Even when they told you over and over again, within hours you would be back to writing those letters and talking about him in present tense.

Luckily George (and Arthur) finally learned how to use a muggle phone. Your parents decided to tell the Weasley family the truth, Molly, Arthur and George were heartbroken. George would ring up weekly to see how he could help and for updates on your condition.

“George she’s getting worse, we think she’ll stay where she is but she doesn’t she just goes further and further into madness.” Your mother said down the phone.

George sighed on the other end “I’m sorry-”

In the background George could hear you calling out in a panic “Dad! Dad! Where is Fred? he should be back by now and he isn’t here!” you began to cry.

“She’s like this as soon as the sun sets, every single day.” Your mother told George.

“I’ll be round in the morning” George replied.

I've never felt this way before Everything that I do Reminds me of you And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor And they smell just like you I love the things that you do

Rocking in your chair you looked around the room, feeling the same nausea as usual, waiting for Fred to return home. In your lap was one of his jumpers Molly made him one Christmas, you would wear it all the time, and if you got too hot you’d clutch to it like a toddler with a blanket.

Hearing the door open, which was incredibly unusual in your house you got up to your feet, your mouth dropping wide open when Fred, now with much longer hair came walking inside.

Your parents were hoping George’s visit would help break away at the cloudiness in your brain, but all they did was make it worse.

“Freddie!” You squealed out, running over and wrapping your arms around him “You’re finally home!” 

You noticed behind his hair, he was missing an ear, but your overwhelming happiness of finally being reunited with him distracted you from asking questions. 

George could feel his heart ache and his stomach drop, realising how much worse his visit would impact you. You got on your tip toes as you always did and placed a long and loving kiss onto his lips. 

You furrowed your eyebrows at who you thought was Fred, George couldn’t bring himself to kiss you back, he felt cruel for doing this, but your parents had never seen you so calm and so happy in almost two years.

George looked at your parents for a moment and decided to try, he sighed and shook his head, not wanting to lie to you.

“I’m not Fred, I’m George.”

When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now?

You let out a laugh “You need to come back from war with more than longer hair and a missing ear to try and trick me.” 

“Fred died, Y/N. He was killed in an explosion.” George told the truth.

You shook your head in disbelief “No? You’re right in front of me.” you replied “I know you like your laughs and jokes Fred, but that’s not something to joke about, George should know better too for putting you up to this.”

You walked into the kitchen forgetting what you went in there for and walked back into the living room, taking a seat.

Your mother burst into tears and walked out of the room, your father following her to give comfort. You stared at them, not understanding why they hadn’t welcomed your boyfriend back into warm open arms.

George knew that no matter how hard he tried he wouldn’t be able to get you to see the truth - you couldn’t no matter what, they were living in your world now. George sighed, almost kicking himself for what he was about to do.

“I’m only joking, I am Fred.” 

When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missin' you When you're gone The face I came to know is missin', too When you're gone The words I need to hear To always get me through the day And make it okay I miss you 

Waking up from your nap you jolted up and noticed the darkness through the window outside, feeling the panic brew inside your tummy you started to worry.

“It’s okay I’m here.” George, playing Fred, patted your shoulders, walking around your chair.

He was carrying a bowl of soup in his hands nice and warm, just for you. 

Your parents and George were taking you care of you full time now, George had been living as your pretend boyfriend for just over seven years now and his heart broke even more as your state worsened.

You couldn’t feed yourself, wash yourself, get your self dressed or brush your hair. You couldn’t communicate through speech properly either, you would instead pull faces, point or stare into the same four walls, and every day was exactly the same; waiting for Fred to come home, being nervous, overjoyed when you’d see him, in distress when George would leave the room or when your parents would take over his shift.

You smiled at Fred, as he blew on the soup filled spoon, making you drink it. It took you ages just to finish eating and drinking, it was hard to simply exist, but staring into those beautiful eyes you never thought you’d see again calmed the storms that distressed your seas and damaged your boats.

George finished buttoning up your pyjama shirt and got you to lay down in your bed, he sat beside you and stroked your hair until your eyes fluttered shut. Once he knew you were dreaming far away from home, he stood up and met your parents downstairs.

“George, our daughter... well you know all of this is no good, not getting better.” Your father tried his best to explain, swallowing the great big lump in his throat.

Your mother took over “What we’re trying to say George, is that, we’re looking to place Y/N in a twenty four hour care facility. She cannot speak, she cannot look after herself, she’s incredible vulnerable and she’ll be getting the care she needs - you’ll be able to get your life back.”

We were made for each other Out here forever I know we were Yeah, yeah And all I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I do, I give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe; I need to feel you here with me Yeah

Today was your 40th birthday, twenty whole years since Fred died along with a part of yourself no one would ever see again. 

Now due to your bedbound state, you were laid in bed and the care assistant next to you got out your photo albums from all of your years at Hogwarts. She adjusted the height and position of the bed with her wand, making you more comfortable. 

Placing the photo albums on your lap she took you through them one by one, the memories flashing before you like a movie reel as you watched the photos move.

The twins on the train going home after their first year at Hogwarts, Fred flying on his broom during Quidditch. Fred and you on your first date in Hogsmeade, him dancing around the tent with a giant shamrock painted on his face, the two of you pulling faces and giggling in the kitchen at the burrow, Fred proudly standing in front of his shop, the two of you in your house just before he left for the war.

The care assistant pulled out the letters he had written to you over the years on your birthday, placing them in front of you to read. Despite his death - absence - from your life, you could still hear his voice as clear as day, making re-reading these letters all the more special.

When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missin' you When you're gone The face I came to know is missin', too When you're gone The words I need to hear Will always get me through the day And make it okay I miss you

Overtime, your muscles weakened and so did your organs, and unfortunately this years cold, flu, and sickness season didn’t go easy on you. The whole facility lost many residents this time of the year but none as young as you.

Your parents who would much rather be grandparents sporting perfect silver hair and wrinkles were notified of your deterioration, being told that now would be the time to come and say goodbye. Your parents notified George and he left his wife and children at home, coming to visit you.

In a deep sleep you could hear your parents talking but couldn’t quite make out what they were staying, you didn’t have the strength to open your eyes either. After struggling to leave the room, George finally switched over from them and sat in the chair next to you, taking a hold on your hand.

When going through the room he and his brother shared, he stumbled across a letter Fred had written but never sent in one of the pockets of the last coat he had ever worn. George brought it with him after reading it, knowing it would help you reach the reality with Fred you yearned for.

My Dearest Y/N,

I’m sorry that I had to go and leave you behind, but don’t be scared, don’t worry about me, my love. You are strong and you are brave, no matter what happens - I promise we’ll meet again. Just keep those beautiful eyes of yours set on the horizon, and when the time is right, we’ll know where to meet again. 

George felt your grip on his hand tighten, tears rolled down his face.

I know it’s not been easy and I know that it’s been calm, but we’ll have forever together and we’ll be away from harm. So keep on smiling and searching beautiful, the adventure is not so far away.

Love Always, Fred.

Letting go of the weight on your shoulders, you stumbled through the forest, feeling the sun beam on your skin. Following the chatty Magpie you stopped in your tracks, your whole world standing right in front of you.

“You got my letter?” Fred asked, who had aged like fine wine.

You grinned widely and nodded, tears forming in your eyes and ran into his open arms. 

“I missed you.”